#app devs hate him!

[spearxwind]

They’re getting ready to go film tiktoks

Bonus bc the lashes are a Vibe:

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

.

[nu-carniviva]

A censored version of Nu: Carnival is coming to the app store... Which is not good

When this was first brought to my attention, I honestly didn't believe it at first. I mean, why would I? Nu: Carnival has advertised itself as an adult-only game since it's release. I rarely go on Twitter since it's a total shithole, but that's how I found out that the rumors were true. Nu: Carnival - Bliss, they're calling it. The overall plot, events, and gameplay will be the same. But many crucial changes will be done to the dialogue, CG, and audio. Long post ahead, but I'll be ranting about it below

Why is this a bad move?

There are multiple reasons as to why making a censored, teen friendly version of Nu: Carnival is a horrible decision. I might not get them all, but here are a few I can think of off the top of my head:

It is literally impossible to separate the nsfw from the source. Whether the devs like it or not, they made an nsfw game. After the first half of the prologue, the game opens with porn. You are introduced to two characters at the time — Aster and Morvay. That right there is already an issue. Morvay is an incubus. He is a sex demon who wears leather lingerie. While there is certainly more to his personality, his is very existence is sex. Sex is what keeps him alive and fed. Morvay is very open about his sexual desires and the topic of sex as a whole. He doesn't find it shameful or taboo. So... What are they going to do with Morvay? He can't be removed since he's bonded with Aster. Censoring him will have him take a MAJOR hit. Now that leads me to the second part of this bullet point: sex is a crucial part of the plot. Essence is what keeps Klein stable. Eiden and his clan's job is to use their essence to fix the gem altars so said altars can keep the essence regulated throughout the continent. While there are several ways to replenish one's essence, the most effective way is through sex. Sex also plays a crucial role in expanding on the plot and the characters. Sex scenes aren't just there for entertainment, there is genuine lore within the dialogue. Through sex, Eiden bonds with his clan members in the most intimate and personal ways. He sees his clan members at their most vulnerable moments, and through that they share a deep connection. You can see when sex scenes go from Eiden and whoever the clan member is having sex just to have it to having sex because they genuinely care for each other and want to physically bond. I could delve deeper into this topic, but I'm sure you all understand by now what I'm trying to say. Sex is not just an accessory or perk. It's part of the worldbuilding

Minors will not be able to escape nsfw within the fandom. Since the game's release, the fan base has been entirely made up of adults. Since we are all adults, we freely talk and post about the nsfw parts of the game. You go on any social media platform where Nu: Carnival is discussed, and you will see nsfw. It's a very casual topic in the fandom, and in a way it's something that bonds us together… As weird as that may sound. My point is, making a censored version of the game is pointless, because the source itself in inherently nsfw and the fan base is full of adults making nsfw content which is usually uncensored since the artists expect for anyone in the fandom to only be adults

Minors in fandoms often bring drama... Hear me out on this one. Not to sound like one of those "grr minors dni I hate minors" people, but kids in fandoms often bring drama and discourse. As aggravating at it is, I have to admit that it isn't entirely their fault. When you're in your early teens, you're starting to discover yourself. You become very opinionated and defensive over your beliefs because you're trying to figure out who you are and where you stand in life. You're trying to gain independence and autonomy. It's normal... But it's very draining. Since Nu: Carnival has an all-adult fandom, there isn't a lot of drama at all. Sure, you're going to have stupid people saying stupid shit to start drama, that happens everywhere, but those people are typically ignored because it isn't too common. With kids coming into the fandom and starting unnecessary drama, it'll be so much harder to avoid. Not only that, but kids don't have as much media literacy as adults do. It's not an insult, but simply a fact. Nu: Carnival delves in a LOT of heavy themes in the game. Some of which are stated outright while others require you to read in between the lines to pick up on them. Since the fandom is all adults, it's easier for us to handle these topics and discuss them maturely

Why are the devs doing this?

My guess? Money. The devs are part of a company after all. At the end of the day, all companies want to make money. By making a game they can put on app stores, the game becomes more visible to a broader audience. People who have never heard of Nu: Carnival before will see what appears to be an innocent anime game when it's far from that. All it will take is a simple google search for people to see the the game is very much nsfw and not something minors should indulge themselves in. It's dangerous for both parties involved, both the minors and the adults

But hey, whatever's bringing in the money, right? Sigh...

[dreamtydraw]

Hello from the Fishbowl!

Oh I’m so glad you and plant anon agree with me on my vn red flags/icks! Like I said a lot of the red flags and icks I tend to have are really subjective so I get that some people will love what I kinda hate but it’s nice to see I’m not alone on stuff :)

Also, is it bad that I kinda wanna hear more about Heir to Love and Lie? I’ve never played any Fictif games but this sounds like some hot gossip I want in on, tell me more about how bad of a game it is lol. From an outsider perspective I think it’s kinda funny how it’s like “Yes the Fictif app has a bunch of great and fun stories with a ton of good content- NO DONT LOOK AT THAT STORY ITS HIDEOUS-” I know the stories are probably made by different teams so it makes sense that there’s differences in quality but still

Last Legacy and now Roadkill have peaked my interest since I’ve seen you talk about it here (I had never heard of Fictif at all before) but I’ve been a little hesitant to give the games a try because they’re mobile games and frankly I’m not the biggest fan of playing vn style games on mobile, I used to all the time but the grinding for stuff like story keys just to get content that may or may not be good kinda grated on me so I stopped and haven’t looked back. But idk maybe I’ll decide to give Fictif a chance when I have the time, your love for the games are definitely convincing me to give it a shot :)

Also I hope you get better soon and you’re not sick with anything too serious! Take care of yourself!

-🐟

( ok i’ll do proganda about the good game of fictif ask me about htlal on another ask )

Ok so i’ll start by saying that you should def play roadkil, last legacy and monster manor on the fictif app, WITH A CRACKED VERSION! If you have an Android play with a mod app and you won’t have to pay for the special choice ( you still have to wait for keys tho but it’s manageable) I personally use Modyolo. With the mod there is no grind, you just wait for your keys to regenerate to play the chapters.

Why you should play last legacy ? Last legacy is a really well written fantasy romance made by queers, for queers with good queers characters. The narrative is limited but realize that fans of this game haven’t had update in 2 years and we all still love this, that how good the game is for us. What I really appreciate is the approach of the romance, the well-written worldbuilding, and the interesting plot and evolution of the li throughout the story + bonus points the art is really pretty + the music is awesome

This is an otome where you feel the passion of the dev because of all the details and care they put into the characters. It sad that we’ll never get an ending but just because it’s my second favorite otome after Our life i really recomand.

Now another wonderful story on the app is Monster manor. It’s a reviseted tale of beauty and the beast where mc is a reparator that come helps the resident of the manor to fix the place and also fix their issue. Again it’s very well written and although you can get subtile subtext on romance this one is very axed on exploring the character's mental health and their story of self-improvement. ALSO IT HAS A CANON TRANS DRAGON CREATURE WHO’S THE SWEETEST I LOVE HIM HE’S SO WHOLESOME-

Bonus the music is so good i even added it on my spotify- and good art

Monster Manor is one of those stories that leave a very specific feeling in you. I don't know how to describe it but it just has a lot of wholesomeness and character going troughs sad but relatable problems that you see get better and makes you happy that they're healing.

now.... my guilty pleasure.... Roadkil !

THE BROMANCE OF THIS GAME IS SO GOOD I swear

Objectively: This game feels like a wild mess of fan fiction with random scenario after scenario and cliché horror moments, but oh man the ambiance. The best trio of Li, they are close friends, and in the 3 routes the group is just such an amazing friend group. The characters are lovely and it's like reading a bad yet good wattpad fanfic : well written ? no ? But the ideas ? good !

Like i said, this game is based on cliché of horror movies but also on american culture ( which I learned trought this game lol ). It has longer chapters than the other two games (except Tess but Tess got hit by the sexism of a greedy company that wants shirtless men in dating sim to attract gurls ) BUT they all shine.

Poe's route had me ugly crying in the end, Howie's ending is AWFULL but I had a great time, Tess is actually a superbe F Li even whith the dev having to cut her short and ruin her ending, she shine very britgh in the other routes and her own ( for ex she's the one with a shotgun and the one that won you and howie a teddy bear )

I really need more people to play roadkill because it's an underated banger in my opinion and it has many great scenes in the mess of scenarios ( the intro is really good for ecxemple )

Like, when I say not all game needs to be well written? That's what I'm talking about, this one is a hot delightful mess

ANYWAY! My rambling was long but I hope it was interessing !

[thecloudstan]

I thank the devs every single day for making Mr. President Rufus Shinra so goddamn hot and awesome in every scene. That Shinra board meeting scene was fantastic. The Big Boss calling the directors out on their shit while enforcing his own authority and then strutting away with a satisfied, smug smirk at the very end. It's peak big dick energy, let's be real. And let's not forget Rufus petting D and D snarling at Hojo. There's so much good stuff going in this scene! ���� I LOVE IT TO BITS. 😍

Yes, I actually got the full video but it was too long to send to the PS app 🙃 I’m going to trim that half for the D portion. Hojo is so disgusting tho, I hate even hearing him talk (they did such a fabulous job with him, tbh).

I definitely remember distinctly loving the addition of this even when we hit it the first time. I’m just so stoked there are more moments to dive into Rufus’ characterization like that. Insanely excited for what the final installment has in store for us!! And yes, I am ofc intensely thirsty. As much as I love his all white and commanding style, I’d die if there was a more intimate or vulnerable moment that required an outfit change. Even if it was just whatever’s under the suit jacket. But…I am greedy…I want the world 😂

[messiahzzz]

I agree with you about the increasing hostility of some Wyll fans. I'm not saying that they are not right to feel bitter about Wyll's lack of content from fans and Larian, but some of them are just as toxic as the toxic Astarion fans.

Gale also receives a lot of hate from the wider BG3 fandom, but I was pretty much told that it doesn’t matter because he is like the 4th most popular character. And I had to block the wyllstarion tag due to the hostility of some members of the fandom towards Bloodweave.

I once saw someone say Bladeweave made more sense than Wyllstarion, and they got shut down as being racist. About Bladeweave.

I just don't engage with Wyll or Astarion content anymore, sadly.

i have said this so many times by now, but i’ll repeat it again: people have every right to be upset and criticize larian for their treatment of [insert any character here that isn’t a*tar*on]. no one is stopping you, no one is urging you towards inaction, neither is anyone claiming that racial biases don’t exist in this game. be as bitter as you want, have discussions about race in the d&d universe and how this also extends to wyll. dissect each snippet of wyll’s dialogue, write thorough analyses, and vent about it on your blog to your heart’s content. in that sense: it’s perfectly fine to address the continuous mistreatment other characters face at the same time. don’t be discouraged, this doesn’t take anything away from wyll.

it is about the means of achieving said goal (i.e. more/higher quality content for wyll) that is alienating a big part of the fandom in the process. deeming public pressure and demands directed at the devs an appropriate course of action in an attempt to get wyll the content he very much deserves. which, in the end, is doing more harm than good. it is putting more negative focus on the wyll fandom as a whole, which in turn sadly also affects how other fans engage with said character. the inevitable result being that fans choose to stay in their own small, curated fandom corners and are now even less likely to create new content with him than they were in the first place. this is truly unfortunate. tirelessly perpetuating the “it’s them vs. us” mentality (which i believe is also what you were referring to in your ask) only further discourages fandom from engaging in any sort of discussion around wyll that might actually be worthwhile. this includes discussions about racism, racial bias and stereotypes. basically anything that addresses wyll outside of his romance and his role as a narrative stepping-stone. these dialogs and exchanges are incredibly important, and contrary to what some might believe: not blindly agreeing to every point mentioned doesn’t automatically make you the problem.

i personally believe this whole approach to be effectively counterproductive. it is not “spreading the wyll love”, so to speak. for instance, i highly doubt that demanding a public note app apology from larian will result in them granting wyll’s story the resources & care it deserves. (note: i did notice that wyll’s petition has been edited and the wording/content has been largely adjusted after i made my og post. so several of those goals aren’t listed anymore as of now)

now, this is just my own personal estimate on the situation, mind you. so take it with a grain of salt: i don’t believe petitions like these will actually provide the desired results. there are petitions for almost every npc at this point (one for raphael’s romance included) that have a higher amount of signatures and still remain largely ignored by fandom and larian alike. which i think perfectly illustrates just how much fandom truly cares about these specific issues once direct action and organization are required.

sending larian continuous feedback containing constructive, direct criticism and specific examples with data to back it up is way more likely to get them to notice and actually bring about the changes you want, instead of making nebulous claims that contain half-truths which likely won't ever enter larian's peripheral vision. don’t stop sending in reports even if you don’t get a reply the first few dozen times. provide an overview, tell them what specific scenes and what lines of dialogue need to be changed. yes, i know this is tedious and tiring.

i personally can’t add much on the shipping discourse front. that’s a part of fandom i systematically avoid. i do hope that you’re curating your online experience to your tastes and don’t seek out discourse that actively distresses you. stay safe pls 💕

[journey-to-the-attic]

Thoughts on the new game for Obey Me coming out and how it relates to IK?

(Sorry if I am super late to the party on this ask btw)

i played through a chunk of it today and it really exceeded my expectations in terms of story!! definitely has already outdone at least s3 + s4 in terms of character development. very curious in particular about barbatos' role in mc's time travel, and also his past self's beef with solomon

though i have two chief complaints - 1. the 3d models unnerve me (mostly in in the knockoff tiktok app and that one video call during the tutorial, where you see them and the really awkward expressions up close - it's not as bad from afar in the wanderer's whereabouts hangout things. speaking of the ww feature, i like the concept, but the harry potter reference does piss me off a little)

2. i HATE the remixes they use for the rhythm games. they sound so bad. please just use the original songs for the love of GOD

i'm also a little confused by solomon's role - i appreciate him being a lifeline, but he's weirdly blasé about the whole situation, and i can't tell if he's being written with his relationship with mc kind of out of focus, or if we're meant to be suspicious about it. also i would like to know more about what's going on in the present? wonder if there'll be any cutaways in hard mode that might tell us

ANYWAY all that aside, about ik!! i do confess i've already started thinking of how she'd cope in the same situation as mc, but there's a lot that we'd have to change about the situation - 1. ik can't do magic, so a lot of mc's feats are unaccomplishable for her, and 2. given the major size difference between demons and humans in jtta, it'd be very hard for anyone to mistake her for a demon

tbh one word for ik in this scenario: burnout. she's trying her best but the love of god can she not have a peaceful life

also (and this may be a little evil), honestly i don't think i'd give ik the present-solomon lifeline. i've got this sorta idea in my head of a different kind of lifeline, where ik's pact with the brothers and the sheer strength of their found family bond, plus the weird nature of time around her, means that every now and then, the present-brothers briefly snap into the minds of the past-brothers that ik's currently stuck with

the only thing i've done with this concept is the idea of present-lucifer briefly zapping into past-lucifer's consciousness, and comforting ik about how cold the past-brothers are with a hug - then midway through the hug, he gets booted out again and past-lucifer zaps back in. he just sort of finds himself holding that random human kid, and for some reason he just keeps hugging her. he's not sure why, he just feels like he has to...

idk what the exact set-up the devs were going for with the time jump, so i'll leave that to the theorists for now, but we could say that in the jtta version, ik needs to re-forge her pacts to be able to give out a strong enough magical signal across time for barbatos to get her back home

[viriborne]

obey me fans: we want the characters to to act darker

obey me fans when the characters act darker:

obey me fans: we want the characters to to act darker

obey me fans when the characters act darker: 🤢

also like... they're acting like we didn't already know the circumstances of their pact, we're just seeing sol's take on it

Yeah, I haven’t seen anyone pitch a fit about how Solomon describes how he and Asmo originally got their pact (other than just people being like ‘damn he really said it like that’ which was my reaction too 😭) but I have seen people talk about how they don’t like him anymore or even hate him for how he acts in Nightbringer which (spoilers for later in the lessons) is definitely Reasonable from a possible villain standpoint but idk people acting like the signs weren’t there in the original game and he’s just suddenly morally dubious is like…have u read the original story?

Idk! I personally really like how the game leans into Solomon’s more sordid actions and the implications it has as a whole for the entire story. Did Solomon force us to the past? Did he force Barbatos to send him with us like he did in the labyrinth? Is he deliberately fucking with our attempts at making pacts with the brothers by demonstrating how you can abuse them? Does he even Really want us to return to the present? What do you mean he sieged war on the Devildom?? It’s interesting!

People can have a different opinion than me on this, everyone has different tastes! But it does seem odd that there’s so much backlash when I’d see people talk about how the story seemed to be getting kind of bland and directionless + the abundance of darker interpretations of the characters and lore.

In the end, I absolutely still have gripes about how the devs dealt with the app move as well as some of the story choices, but I do think Solomon’s character in this is much more interesting.

[misc-obeyme]

Grey Asmo here

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Ik im late

Just realised that in 12 monts, its gonna be 2025.

Anyway, since hell may be overpopulated do you think some Hell born like Satan and fallen angels stay in the Devildom while most sinners and lower class demons stay in hell.

Would the King of Hell and the Crown Prince of the Devildom unite the two realms. (YES) LUCIFER MY LIEGE.

also the song how bad can I possibliy mean gives of Mammon VIBES.

My greedy demon

Also in another fandom we finally got revealed of Lucifer va...and omg he is so sweet, such a sweet and honey like voice not deep like OM Luci, but not like SPN luci, or DC Luci,

OM devs didnt lie about their voices

At first i was like meh its okay but now 2 years in I simp just to hear Mammon growl or Luci's laugh

In addition my Asmo (the asshole)

Someone gave him quite a good voice and the fandom is like we hate you but you look and sound good. But your a bitch

Hello there, Grey Asmo!

Happy new year! And yo we just started 2024 don't make me think about 2025 yet lol!

I actually think a lot about the population of the Devildom and so on. I would say that it seems like most human souls end up in what they seem to call the Underworld... it has the rings and everything. Then demons live in the Devildom. But other things also live in the Devildom, like reapers and I think they mentioned vampires at some point?

So I'm not sure but I think of it as the main area of the Devildom is the city in which RAD is located, along with the Demon Lord's Castle and the House of Lamentation and everything. I think this is where most demons live and it probably has a high population density, kinda like a big city. But then as you move outward, that changes. Things become more wild and rural. I imagine there are smaller cities and towns where demons live, too. Some of them might just hang out in the forest or whatever. They talk about trains and buses so the need for long distance transportation says to me that there are probably multiple larger cities and such. I would just think that where RAD and the castle are is the biggest one.

It kinda sounds like the consider the Underworld to be part of the Devildom already? But it's kinda vague, so I'm not sure. However, I do love the idea of Lucifer and Diavolo getting married for political reasons lol. Like Lucifer is considered one of the Lords of the Underworld because of Cerberus right? And obviously Diavolo is the prince of the Devildom. So if those two areas weren't already united, they could totally get married and combine them.

I really love all the VAs for the game! I've thought about what it might be like if they ever did an English translation of the spoken lines. Mostly because I think I'd lose my shit over some of the stuff those guys say lol. But I don't think I'd like it. I think it'd be upsetting unless they had the same VAs doing the English. Because if they did what they normally do and hired English actors to do the English lines, they'd all sound too different. I think that'd be painful. Because I looove their VAs so much and their voices are so distinct and familiar to me now!

Every time I used to get a notification from my phone when I forgot to put it back on silent and it was Barb talking to me from another room, I used to freak out. It scared the shit out of me every time. Now I'm so used to it that I'm just like oh okay thanks, Barb. Like yes I want to listen to that soothing man's voice all day every day. Sometimes I just open the app and let it run for a bit so I can hear Barb saying his home screen dialogue when you ignore him for too long lol. It's really cute in the OG when he hums to himself.

Anyway! I think the VAs can really bring a character to life and I love them for the great work they do.

[claredanko]

i hate this ad so much it makes me so angry like no i wont help this man he is a ROYAL i hate the monarchy i want him to be killed and impaled jow dare you assume that this would make me want to download or even play the game im going onto the app store and leaving a negative review for this alone i hope the devs get petrol bombed

[nokingsonlyfooles]

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 4

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Part 4: Freaky Shit

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[On the current slide, the Activate Windows logo has changed to read “All Hail Gozer” and remains that way for the rest of the episode.]

R: Might be some firmware… What the hell was that?

A: Oh, that’s just the Tumblr app, it came preinstalled…

L: Cursed phone.

A: Yeah, pretty much…

R: No, out in the hallway. Looked like a dog.

L [charmed again]: Aww. Where?

A: Sorry, hang on, got another “ask”…

R: I’ll be right back.

[scraping sound, footsteps, door opening and closing]

A [amused]: “Choose the form of your destroyer.” Oh, that’s cute. What should I say…?

L: “Death by Chocolate.” No, wait. “Snoopy.”

A [typing]: T-H-A-T… A-S-S… Ohh. [annoyed] Where’s the peach emoji on this thing? These are all symbols from the Lesser Key of Solomon…

L: That one looks kinda like an ass.

A: I think it’s a minor Duke of Hell. Still, you’re not wrong…

[door opening and closing]

R [nonplussed]: It’s, uh, it’s not a dog.

A: What is it?

R: It’s a gargoyle. Or a grotesque. Like the ones on the front of the building. There’s two of ‘em, actually.

L: Do they want tummy rubs, Rocz? If they want tummy rubs, they are dogs. And if you touch their tummy and die, they’re cats. This is science!

R: I have no idea if they want tummy rubs. …I fed one a doughnut.

L: Aww.

A: That can’t be good for it.

R: I dunno. They were in the break room eating the doughnuts, so I assume they eat doughnuts.

L: Rocz, I eat Wawa hoagies, and they are definitely not good for me.

A: A duck will go to town on some bread, but you’re not supposed to feed it to them.

R: He took it right outta my hand and said “Hail Gozer,” which makes me wonder if Milkshake and Pizza Boy could’ve spoken English to me, if they really wanted…

L: Dear God, you need a human roommate…

A: Frozen peas.

L: Pardon?

A: I’ve seen a GIF of it, you’re supposed to feed the ducks frozen peas. The truly terrifying thing is, by the time they’re done eating, the water is just filthy. They look cute, but I wouldn’t want one to bite me.

R: I’m not gonna tell a gargoyle it’s supposed to eat frozen peas.

A: I suppose not if you don’t want it to bite you.

L: “It”? Did you ask them their pronouns, Rocz?

R: I didn’t, but… They seemed busy.

A: Eating the doughnuts?

R: Yes. Also, opening some kinda gateway.

A [hesitantly]: I think I’ll… delete that post. Yes.

L: Any difference in the meat bouquet?

R: It’s kinda… singing? I guess? Kind of a howling noise.

A: Oh, like the portal.

L: Dang it, I was hoping for salami.

R: Alice, have you involved us in the summoning of a dark god or is the building just making us crazy?

L: Crazy isn’t this cool or fun, Rocz.

A: Yes, it’s much more… It’s just rather depressing. It’s terrifying, I’ll grant you terrifying, but not in a way that gets you a new iPhone…

[door slams]

D [in the studio, approaching the mics]: Oh, fuck, oh, shit…

D [text over slide]: THAT’S ME.

L: Hey, Dev. We’ll get back on topic in a sec and I swear this one won’t go over an hour…

R: I don’t know about that.

A: What’s going on?

D: My awesome state-of-the-art control room is filling up with pink slime — to the point where I can’t even reach any of the buttons!

R [relieved]: Oh, thank God.

D: …and it’s all over my fucking shoes!

[squeaking, squelching]

L: Sounds like Vigo the Carpathian again.

A: Oh, just Vigo.

L: Want me to deal with him? I’ll deal with him. He’s a little bitch. I’ve already had Vigo, I’m immune.

A [bored]: We’ve all had Vigo.

R: He’s like covid.

L: Yeah, he won’t bump you off unless you’re already sick. Or a Republican.

R: But you repeat yourself.

L: Yeah.

A [brightly]: You know that time I embarrassed myself on social media? That was definitely Vigo and not me!

R: I thought maybe you took an Ambien.

A: Wait, which time are you thinking of?

L: Vigo the Carpathian got me banned from Twitter.

R: We are, all of us, Vigo, at all times.

A: How dare you hold us responsible for our actions.

D [mournfully]: There’s a really cool audio mixer in there and I didn’t even get a chance to try it!

L: Give me two seconds, I’ll deal with him…

D: …I even had a button I could press to drop boiling lava on you if you got off-topic, but I didn’t use it because I’m a merciful God.

A [consolingly]: Well, that’s very sensitive of you, Dev. Thank you. Really.

D: Liam, get me my lava button back. I need that lava button! It’s all I’ve ever wanted as an editor and a human being!

L: Don’t even worry about it!

[door opens, howling noise, door slams]

L: It’s not Vigo.

R: Aw, crap.

A: Who is it?

L: It’s a guy, or… I’m not sure. Kinda in between.

R: Could still be Vigo.

D: Yeah, just in someone nonbinary.

A: Describe them.

[door opens, howling noise, door slams]

L: …Hot?

A: You mean as in sexy or on fire?

L: Both, kinda.

R: Definitely not Vigo.

[muttering, general agreement]

A: Now, I… I… I’m just guessing, but…Does this person happen to resemble, um, a minor Duke of Hell? With a nice ass?

L: I’m not looking again, Alice, they’re almost at the…

[snapping noise, explosion, thuds and raining debris, howling noise increases]

L: Ow! Fuck!

R [raises voice to be heard above the howling]: Hey! Hey! That was uncalled-for, sir, or madam, or whatever! And my friend wants their control room back!

D [faintly]: Oh, God, stop making that noise! I’ll never be able to edit that out in post!

GOZER THE GOZERIAN (G): ARE YOU A GOD?

R: No.

A [horrified]: What the fuck, Rocz?

L: Didn’t you even read the Wikipedia page for this?

R [weakly]: It was Alice’s pick.

A: APPARENTLY IT WAS GOZER THE GOZERIAN’S PICK!

L: Here! [scraping noise, typing] There! It’s right there! Under “1984 New York Incident.” Read it!

G: ARE ANY OF YOU GODS?

R: Hang on a second, there, Gozer. I’m just gonna need a couple minutes…

Part 5

[brightsuzaku]

I admittedly am enjoying watching Twitter continue to burn to the ground, and with Elon's new chosen Twitter CEO Linda Yaccarino not only positioned to take the fall, but she is apparently actively tweeting support for Elon's dumbshit ideas? Not to mention how much he loves the letter "X" and how burnt he still feels about the refusal to call PayPal "PayPal X"?

The man loves "X" and hates "no".

Like, this probably won't last a week. I'm on Twitter. I've been on Twitter. I'm watching the circus.

People are of course aiming low with jokes about how he has "eXes" and no committed relationships, or about Kingdom Hearts Nobodies, or how the "X" is like the little symbol you click to close things you don't like.

Elon Musk is VERY thin-skinned, and the larger ramifications of making Twitter into a "financial app" that does everything "powered by AI" is patently laughable garbage. First of all, he won't be able to implement this shit easily in the EU, if at all.

None of the ideas he has are easily actionable. My bet is the "financial app" he comes up with will probably also take the form of something resembling (wait for it) NFTs, which he'll probably call something else. Something catchy. Like CashX or whatever.

I don't know what he'll do, for certain, of course: but with the kind of dev team Twitter barely has, I don't see these ideas becoming reality anytime soon. And if they did try to implement these soon, these functions would be so broken and shoddy.

It's nonsense. It's all nonsense. Give the man that YouTube of jingling keys, and let him be entertained, that's the limit and depth of his attention.

EDIT: OH, RIGHT. And by the by, "X" is not a good name for a service or app of any kind. SEO can go to hell for all I care, but "X" is absolutely impossible to search for online well. It's also going to be terribly difficult to use as a brand and very difficult to tag without losing identity or context. Capitalization aside, "x" is literally an unknown variable. It's a patently brainless choice. It's meaningless by default.

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

I still get a bit lost in my new gig — at WillowTree — as a React Native/TypeScript dev. The syntax is making more sense and getting easier to follow, but, I do have a difficult time understanding the errors produced by yarn ts:check. It’s the same each time I learn a new language.

I’m also developing an interest in Rust. That’ll have to be a part time interest for a long time I suppose. I have more important business to attend to. 😃

Onward!

Filipe Espósito • 9to5Mac

Shareshot is an iOS app that transforms how you share iPhone and iPad screenshots

A friend of mine, Marc Palmer, is part of the duo who created Shareshot! It is, as always, absolutely beautiful, full featured, and stable.

If I’m not too lazy moving forward I should use it to make screenshots for Stream blog posts and the like.

Congratulations, Marc! 🥳

Andrew Carter • WillowTree Blog

Mobile app interactivity, multimodal voice technology, and AI are all converging with Apple Intelligence — Apple’s new artificial intelligence feature set announced at this year’s WWDC, coming soon with iOS 18 (maybe in October). And the secret sauce powering those awesome interactions is something called App Intents.

Andrew is pretty legendary in the halls of WillowTree. So damned smart and witty, and he plays a mean fiddle and banjo.

Anywho, go give his piece on App Intents a gander, you might learn a thing or two.

Kelly Crandall • Racer

Austin Dillon has been stripped of the NASCAR Cup Series playoff eligibility that came with his victory at Richmond Raceway.

Austin Dillion looked great all night. I don’t recall how many laps he lead but it was a lot. He was two laps short of victory when a late caution came out.

On the restart he was beat off the line by Joey Lagano and fell into second place.

I wanted to see Mr. Dillion win so badly. He hasn’t had a win in a couple years and Richard Childress Racing needed one but the way he did it was not great.

He kept the win but was stripped of his points and playoff berth. They should’ve disqualified him and given the win to Legano, if I’m being honest about my feelings.

Scharon Harding • Ars Technica

Sonos is laying off about 100 people, the company confirmed on Wednesday. The news comes as Sonos is expecting to spend $20 to $30 million in the short term to repair the damage from its poorly received app update.

It’s incredible how much an app redesign can make or break an application or company.

Another critically acclaimed podcasting app called Overcast was also redesigned and released recently. It too has had a very difficult time with its subscribers. Lots of one star reviews and hate.

Rewrites can kill companies. Don’t do it. Evolve your code over time. Think of it as a Ship of Theseus.

Tasha Robinson • Polygon

Ryan Reynolds had very specific tech (and humor) requirements for Wolverine’s corpse

I still haven’t see the new Deadpool but I really want to. Deadpool’s obsession with Wolverine is funny as heck and I’m here for it. Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman are hysterical.

Juan José López Jaimez and Meador Inge • Google Bug Hunters

In a throwback to the past, this blog post takes us on a journey back to a time when eBPF was a focal point in the realm of kernel security research. In this update, we recount the discovery of CVE-2023-2163, a vulnerability within the eBPF verifier, what our root-cause analysis process looked like, and what we did to fix the issue.

Fresh off the heels of the Crowdstrike fiasco we get a story of how Google engineers found vulnerabilities in a Linux technology that allows for similar extensions to the OS. Similar in desired outcome, not in implementation.

Matthias Endler

Quite a few websites are unusable by now because they got “optimized for Chrome.” Microsoft Teams, for example, and the list is long. These websites fail for no good reason.

Chrome has definitely become the new Internet Explorer in a way. Devs have become lazy and don’t code for the open web, they’re coding against a specific browser. Not good. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Stan Alcorn • Rest of World

How Spotify started — and killed — Latin America’s podcast boom

What Spotify has done is not podcasting if it doesn’t allow any podcast player to subscribe to a feed. That’s part of what makes a podcast a podcast. What they’ve done is something that needs a new name.

Lately I’ve heard some podcasts announce ad free versions available on Apple Podcasts, which is also just as bad as Spotify’s locked up audio thing.

Please, don’t do this, keep your podcast a podcast and find a better way to create subscriptions. Others have done it. You can too.

Patreon

Apple is requiring that Patreon switch to their iOS in-app purchase system starting this November, or risk being removed from the App Store. Here’s what’s coming, and what you can do about it.

My opinion on this is simple.

If they really believe in creators Patreon should abandon their iOS App in favor of a really great mobile experience on their website.

Liam Proven • The Register

Before WordPerfect, the most popular work processor was WordStar. Now, the last ever DOS version has been bundled and set free by one of its biggest fans.

It’s not surprising how many fans of WordStar exist. Many of them are novelists and columnists. The best of the best writers in the world. Of course they’re most likely of a certain ventage, if you know what I mean? 😂

I started as a BASIC programmer and used WordStar as my editor until I discovered Brief. True story.

David Edwards • Raw Story

Judge Chutkan faces call to seize Trump’s passport after threat to flee to Venezuela

Can Judge Chutkan do the opposite and encourage Trump to move to Venezuela, now? That would solve a lot of problems with the upcoming election and help preserve democracy.

It would be a great service to the country. 🇺🇸

Rex Huppke • USA TODAY

Trump rambles, slurs his way through Elon Musk interview. It was an unmitigated disaster.

I listened to it for a few minutes and the Orange Man sounded like Sylvester the cat!

Sufferin’ Suckatash! 😋

[thevikingwoman]

okay I forgot I had an actual reason, besides idle curiosity to make this poll so - an overwhelming amount of people have been here more than 6 years. We like it here, we hang out here, we won't ever leave until they kick us out. That's the mood , right? Where will we go?

the thing is though, for most websites and apps, user growth is the most important thing. (There's a whole rant on this, and how tech startup are funded, but that's not the point. Let's treat this as a fact for now).

Tumblr has a lack of user growth. Even as other social media falters, growth doesn't seem to happen. I'm suspecting that the thing we love, is part of what makes it hard to draw in new people, but I'm not sure.

I talked to my spouse recently, about how much twitter (not that recently it was still twitter) FRUSTRATES me because I get so much random shit from people I don't follow - suggest things, people's likes and so forth. He, on the other hand, was getting frustrated with the lack of activity on twitter lately - he didn't have NEW things to look at when he logged in. He uses it as a place for memes and entertainment; similar to how I use tumblr, but for him the "algorithm" that puts things in front of him is the appeal. I was, frankly, floored - I'd assumed everyone hated the lack of control you get with that.

this is just one example of why tumblr might not appeal to people who are new, along with our own culture and interaction model.

I think this is some of the reason for the changes ('for you' tab, layout changes, etc) that are frankly puzzling to most tumblr users - they're not for us, they're for the people who aren't here.

and I'm not sure how tumblr will balance keeping old users and attracting new - but in most cases I think, well. We're still here, right? We'll bitch and moan and make a plugin to fix the dash, and then we'll never leave.

and perhaps getting a bunch of new users who default to 'for you' tabs and bring those numbers up and keep paying the salaries of the devs --- maybe it's okay.

alright now I'm curious

[martsonmars]

WHO OR WHAT IS JEREMY?

A list by the Carry On Discord Server.

the fox guy from AWTWB (no, he was Jeremey)

a random guy name to let Baz know Simon's into dudes, because he thought it would be too obvious to get a tattoo that says “I’m queer just FYI”

Simon's ex boyfriend

Baz's ex boyfriend

Simon's pet goat

the monkey tattoo

a homage to @stardustasincocaine's husband

Baz's name in this AU because Tyrannus Basilton was too weird

Lamb's fake identity (and it's actually Lamb on the cover, not Simon)

Lamb's actual first name

one of the NowNext vampires

Simon's beloved childhood pet

a fuck you to someone Simon hates whose name is Jeremy

a goat who frequently fucks shit up and causes Problems™️ and Simon flips it off regularly and misses it dearly

the person on the cover, and he tattooed his name on his finger so he doesn't forget it

Simon’s people eating plant

the password Simon always uses, named after the IT guy who always yelled at Simon about not having secure enough passwords

Simon's beloved childhood plushie

just a name Simon likes

Simon's bro, who is a fledgling tattoo artist and Simon let him just do whatever

Shepard's middle name

Shepard's first name but he lost it to a fairy and had to change it

a stray dog Simon took care of while in care homes

Baz's pet rat, Mordelia named it

Baz's dog (the one he killed)

the name he (Baz? Simon? Unclear) gave to the bird outside his window who woke him up at ass o'clock every morning

Simon's middle name, the Mage chose it

a celebrity crush

Simon's fake name he used to get tattoos when he was younger than he should

Simon and Baz's kid

a mnemonic device

the container of mystery leftovers from freshman year that has gained sentience in the back of the fridge

it's actually “Je Remy” because Simon loves Ratatouille

Jeremy Baines from Doctor Who

a reminder of when Simon got burned by the Jeremy Renner app

Tyrannus or Basilton was too long to tattoo so Simon's like I dunno... Jeremy

the fake name Baz gave Simon because they have rival flower businesses and he didn’t want Simon to know his true identity, a la Chaz; supported by the fact that Jaz is a variant of Jeremy

“Choose a name similar to yours.”

Baz: “I'm, uh, Jaz Bitch.”

Simon gets the tattoo and goes to Baz and Baz is like, “Who the fuck is Jeremy?”

“You.”

“Actually, it's short for Jerusalem,” because Baz's family absolutely would name a kid Jerusalem.

the head of the latest cult Simon has joined; every tattoo is in remembrance of a cult he escaped: he keeps saying “they remind me that I won't do THAT again” but...

the Mage's real name: he never told his real name to anyone so they just started calling him David

Niall's real name

Dev's middle name

Niall's surname

Simon just flips a lot of people the bird so he decided to name his middle finger and then he had the name tattooed on it.

Simon: “I’d like to introduce you to Jeremy.”

Anyone else: “Who tf is Jeremy?”

Simon: 🖕

drunk Simon when he's a teen in care:

Kid: “What tattoo do you want?”

S: “... Jeremy.”

Kid: “What?”

S: “You heard me.”

Simon's step dad

Simon's baby brother

Simon's evil twin

the Humdrum

@rainbowrowell's OC

doesn't actually exist

[carryon-anon-fest]

ART

I Just Wanna Dance With You (G)

The Prom AU

Firebreathing Simon (G)

Make A Wish (G)

G/T+

The Best Laid Plans of Magazines and Men (T)

Helping Baz learn to flirt with Simon in a healthy way seemed like a brilliant idea. Unfortunately, Dev and Niall's plans and their friend's capabilities are a bit of a mismatch. 'A bit' being an egregious understatement. Hilarity, predictably, ensues.

Craziest Season (T)

Baz is bringing Simon home for Christmas this year, so he can finally meet his family. The catch? Baz is not out to any of them yet, contrary to what Simon originally believed. They end up pretending to be just roommates, but it's fine, really. It's only for five days. What can possibly go wrong in only five days? (Everything, apparently.)

When We Fight We Fight Like Lions (But Then We Love and Feel the Truth) (T)

Simon and Baz are secret agents, working for W.A.T.F.O.R.D (the Worldwide Agency for Threat Flagging Operations, Reconnaissance and Defence) They have to go on their biggest mission yet, to infiltrate a top-secret weapons convention. The only problem is, they have to do it under the cover of a newly-wed couple...

The One My Soul Loves (T)

The “Worst Chosen One” has a gift for technology. What if that had been encouraged instead? This time, he and Penny stop the Humdrum before eighth year. Simon finally has time for his dream project: a soulmate finder app. Others find love, but Simon’s match won’t download the app. Can he find peace with this? Why is Baz acting strange? What will happen when an unhappy user curses Simon, driving up the stakes to find his soulmate?

Classroom Politics (T)

At twenty-five, Simon Snow’s life is finally on the up. He’s got his magic back, people listen to him, and he can draw the Sword of Mages. A lot of people think he should lead the Coven. But not everyone. The Old Families still see Simon as their enemy and they’re quite willing to quote obscure magickal law to stop him ascending to Mage. Simon’s never backed down from a challenge, though, or let anyone stop him doing what he needs to do. He’s not starting now. Even if it means going back to school.

However Souls Are Made (Ours Are the Same) (T)

Fiona wants to come out and shock her parents, so she enlists Ebb to help. Ebb agrees to fake-date Fiona for the hols—they're best friends, aren't they? She can help Fiona out a bit. Except Ebb has been half in love for years and Fiona is plotting, as is the Pitch way.

Why We're No Longer Allowed to Do Boardgame Nights (T)

After a disaster on the night of 2 February 2019, I have decided to conduct a report to look into a case that ended horribly, after starting as a simple boardgame night. This report is constructed entirely of witness statements. Let’s begin. (Aka, The Gang decide to have a night of Monopoly, Twister and other such things, and it goes tits up)

The Kind of Love I Want (G)

An awkward conversation between Simon and Agatha leads to new revelations and a friendship reborn.

Happier Memories (G)

In which Simon decides to plan, and Baz decides to do something impulsive.

Here, Kitty-Kitty... (G)

Simon adopts a cat. Baz pretends to hate him. It's probably safer for everyone this way...

In the Middle (T)

Simon should be overjoyed at his Penelope's engagement, the second of his sisters to be so fortunate, but all he can think about is Mr Grimm-Pitch. He fears he has ruined the greatest chance of happiness he could ever have hoped for.

Today Is Tomorrow (T)

Simon Snow's having the worst day of his life... over and over and over again.

Mirror, Mirror (T)

For all the Mage's claims that Simon Snow was the World of Mages' prophesied savior, the Humdrum certainly wasn't the only danger their world faced and Simon certainly wouldn't save the world alone.

The Coolest Part (By Far) (G)

When Penny leaves for a study trip, Simon and Baz are left all alone. And who can blame them for getting a kitten? In their defense, they were left unsupervised.

Hallmark Presents: Amid the Winter's Snow (T)

Big city businessman Baz Pitch just wants to get the promotion he's been gunning for. When he travels to his quaint hometown for Christmas, he (literally) runs into the most handsome man he's ever seen and ruins his day. Thus begins the animosity of a lifetime as the town prepares for the annual Christmas Eve Ball. Baz never asked for love. And he definitely never asked to discover the True Meaning of Christmas.

How I Find Myself Without You (T)

At a dinner party with friends, Penny, Shepard, and Agatha come clean about their relationship...and about where Agatha's been living all this time.

If You Wanna Be My Lover (T)

It's the week before graduation, and former roommates Simon and Baz run into each other at a particularly lively karaoke night. In between terrible renditions of "Brown-Eyed Girl" and "Mr. Brightside," they just might begin to realize what it is that they really really want.

NSFW FICS BELOW:

So Close, We've Always Been (E)

Simon Snow has worked in security for most of his life, having dealt with some of the most difficult clients. None has come as close to being as frustrating as Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. The man is stuck-up, arrogant, and a complete arsehole. He's rude, careless, and Simon really should have quit months ago. Until there's something more that keeps him by Baz's side... Namely him being the best shag Simon's ever had. He may insist that the nights with Baz mean nothing, but not even he can prevent the feelings that start to flicker beneath the sheets.

Hard to Get (M)

Dev needs a favour. Baz agrees despite his better judgment. Because it really wouldn't matter to anyone, especially not to Simon Snow Salisbury. Or would it?

Kiss Him, Then Go. (E)

Tomorrow morning, Simon Snow will face his lifelong nemesis on the battlefield. But tonight, he sneaks into the Pitch family compound, and seeks out his former roommate.

Feed Me I Live (Drink I Die) (M)

Off the sofa, out of the flat. That's Baz's only goal when he brings Simon along with him to a house Fiona discovered on her vampire hunt across the country. There was only supposed to be books there. Baz knows books. Simon knows how hungry creatures grow.

Midlife Crisis (E)

Following his midlife crisis, Baz finds himself in the middle of the countryside. It’s plenty annoying as it is, without the trouble of him meeting the local constable Simon Snow, whom he somehow finds attractive. But that is only due to the bloody fresh air, right? Not in one hundred years would Baz fall for someone like him.