#AND here is part of the new framework i also had to write for it (my tests arent on that page but use that page for the teardown

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

.

[librarycards]

pls ignore this is its too weird or too much labor, but i was wondering if you maybe had any tips or resources for ppl who have creative desires like writing but brain fog and fatigue tends to get in the way?

i do! it may not work for you bc people have very random/unexpected ways of dealing with this, but it's *very* common and there is hope :) [i think a lot of this is applicable across form, but i'm using "writing" here because it's what i'm familiar with]

one way is to be strategic about timing: this includes thinking about when you're least foggy/have the most energy, and/or the most "downtime" where there isn't anything in particular you need to do. many people wake up early so that they have alone time before their responsibilities. some people stay up late to write. i tend to do my daily writing (which I elucidate on below) in the evenings, around 7-10pm. whatever works, works!

relatedly: scheduling/routine is, for me, critical. i think it is for a lot of creative ppl. I write every day, in multiple ways: i keep a journal - i've done this since i was like 12, so it's as ingrained as brushing my teeth and i don't really think about it - and also work on some aspect of my current longest project [so, for the last 4 years, it's been the aforementioned second novel; for the 4ish years before that, it was Failure to Comply. i write other stuff during the daytime, of course, because writing is also my job(s). but if you're looking to establish a consistent creative practice, you don't need to be aiming for a certain hour or word count.

Instead: Aim for consistency and progress. Not perfection, not a "muse," not magic. There is no shame in making something that doesn't seem good, or that you end up deleting. in this particular instance, "perfect is the enemy of good" is 10000% true, and i think especially applicable to people who already experience external + internalized ableist ideologies on a daily basis. your art, regardless of what it is, should be a space where you get to make mistakes, change your mind, and learn new things. it should be something you can come to when you're tired, unsure, confused, scared, etc, even if it means just keysmashing and then closing your notes app for the day.

for me, having a daily practice, regardless of anything, means embracing the days where i write only one word and then despair, as well as the days i write pages. when i feel most depressed, in a very clinicized sense, i try to move from "everything i make now is going to be shitty :(" to "everything i make now is going to be shitty :)", not because i'm happy about it, but because....that's simply part of creating. everything is a bodily function. if you're not feeling good, maybe your poop will look weird. so too with writing. but you still do it. it can be mechanical. but it'll happen, and by doing it consistently, you give yourself the *opportunity* to locate insight hitherto buried, to have an idea creep up on your tiredself.

i guess in sum I'd say that the healthiest thing i ever did for my writing is something tantamount to body neutrality, which has also been an immensely positive addition to my set of frameworks for physical embodimindment. creative neutrality, i guess. this doesn't mean i don't tie my ego and personhood to work/productivity/quality. i mean, i totally do, and it sucks, but there we are. but it also means that i place that in a corner that does not touch my desire to chip away at something big, regularly. i make time every day to summon the urgency of whatever i'm working on, not because i'm proud of it at that moment, but because i want to give it another opportunity to give me something cool.

tl:dr: give yourself the gift of consistency and time, and don't be scared of making stuff that isn't good, or gets deleted, or doesn't make sense. write from wherever you want, physically, mentally, spiritually. give it the opportunity & even the expectation to happen and then work from there.

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 12 -- WHEN ONLY FRIENDS GOT 2GETHER-ED

TRIGGER WARNING: EVERYONE'S UP FOR CRITICISM HERE, JOJO AND TEAM, FORCEBOOK, FIRSTKHAO, ALL OF THEM. Read at your peril.

Well. Big deep breaths. I spent a lot of time on a show that had been marketed as not-a-BL, that ended as a BL. As a mom with not that much time to spend on watching and writing on dramas that were marketed incorrectly, I am feeling some kinda way (fucking pissed off).

So many people had amazing takes yesterday, on both sides of the aisle, regarding how the show ended (pro-ending here, anti-ending here, here, here, here, here, and here, and my dear friends @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan did heavy lifting on reblogs yesterday, so stroll on over to their blogs for more).

I want to set up a constellation of points to touch upon before I get into the meat of this post.

1) I referred quite a bit to my review of Theory of Love throughout my watch of Only Friends. In that review, I meditate on how the majority of the general global public judges sex, and casual sex, and people who have sex and/or casual sex. Generally speaking -- even in countries that makes as progressive art on sex and sexuality as Thailand and the United States -- that's a rule of thumb that I can rely on. Sex is judged by the majority of the global public.

2) I hate to say it. I cannot believe this happened. But I was right about monogamy being an ultimate theme in Only Friends. Not just a theme, fam. A theme by which people judged others for having open, casual, and consensual sex. Queer sex. Queer sex that is so very often had outside of the constraints of a monogamous relationship.

There was a reason why that holiday party was populated by couples, except for Boston, and Boston had to grovel to them in apology for their friendship. In Only Friends: monogamy wins, and casual queer sex loses.

3) Unfortunately, in part though an analysis of Cheum inside of last week that I accidentally started (ha), I see that points 1 and 2 come together to have created a fabric and framework of judgement that Only Friends ended on.

The last paragraph in this excellent post by @benkaaoi notes that the assumption by a large portion of the OF fandom that the creative choices that were made to end this series were designed to save the sanctity -- economic and otherwise -- of the shipped pairs of ForceBook and FirstKhao. This rings true to me.

Most of the BL shows that I've watched this year are older shows, through my Old GMMTV Challenge, in which I've been studying the changes over time that GMMTV and other Thai networks, have made towards their editorial choices, attitudes, and risks in producing BLs. I included Only Friends on this syllabus to note the show's impact as a kind of zeitgeist measure of how much heat and literary controversy GMMTV could take in airing increasingly progressive queer media -- even though Only Friends wasn't originally intended to be a BL.

To the theory that Only Friends needed to save the ships... and to another theory that the ships needed to be saved in the most moralistically judgmental way that I could have ever imagined (I was actually blown away by how heavy-handed this messaging was) -- I look to the ending of 2gether.

The majority general reaction to the ending of 2gether from within the existing BL fandom in 2020, was one of guffawed incredulousness. BrightWin/SarawatTine did not kiss in the first season of 2gether. It took Aof Noppharnach to come in to make Still 2gether to indicate that these two young men may have been at least vaguely sexual with each other throughout the course of their fictional relationship.

Yet, 2gether was a massive success. Many theorize it was because 2gether was the first big BL to air during the start of the COVID pandemic, and new BL fans had time to be at home and watch shows. But I posit in my 2gether/Still 2gether review that 2gether was also successful PRECISELY BECAUSE IT LACKED SEX (and by sex here, I mean plain old kissin').

As I stated earlier: sex is judged by the majority of the global public. With BrightWin NOT kissing, new fans who may have been implicitly and/or explicitly turned off by physical depictions of queer love could glom comfortably onto 2gether, and watch a BL without the "threat" of physical depictions of two men expressing their love to each other.

Subsequently, BrightWin gained massive social media followings, 2gether made GMMTV buckets of money, and GMMTV went -- well, hot diggity.

Many of us had impressions of Only Friends as...something else than it ended up being. Early on, Jojo Tichakorn, for instance, cited an early non-GMMTV, non-BL show, Gay OK Bangkok, that he and Aof Noppharnach worked on in 2016 and 2017, as being referential to Only Friends. Gay OK Bangkok centered on a group of queer friends, mostly cisgender men with Jennie Panhan in the mix, as they lived their lives and dated away in Bangkok.

I'll tell ya, GOKB didn't end the way Only Friends did, and I'll get into that more in a bit. I believe @benkaaoi, @lurkingshan, and others are absolutely right that the ultimate moralization on casual sex that this show depicted -- and how Only Friends punished Boston for his casual sex -- was an economic decision designed to reflect on the sanctity of monogamy that shipped couples like ForceBook and FirstKhao can sell back to their fans, fans that may have actually flocked to GMMTV shows from 2gether, and that demand a fantasy of devoted monogamy from both fictional characters and professional actors who are actually only just doing fan service to earn their livings. GMMTV has known for a long time how to make money, and money the network doth has made from Only Friends, and from shipping their ships around the world to service the growing fandom.

Casual sex in fiction, casual sex that breaks up the ships.... fucks that economic shit all up.

GMMTV has taught us our lesson, a lesson that we had already learned from the no-kissing rule of 2gether. Loose lips shall not sink ships at this network. And I think we lost a chance for a big and progressively artistic zeitgeist that GMMTV could have taken risks on, if it had the courage to risk depicting something truly novel.

I want to note quickly another framework that I dug into while I was watching this show. I sent a flare to @lurkingshan before I started watching the episode that I was going to, in part, watch this last episode from my personal Asian lens. I wanted to ask myself, as I was watching this disaster -- is there anything happening here that strikes my heart with fear and doom as an Asian?

Indeed, yes. I didn't expect it, but there was a dialogue on individualism vs. collectivism.

Boston. My dear, sweet Boston. Boston, named after a city so very distant from Bangkok.

Boston was punished by his group of friends because he didn't adhere to the rules of the group. His individualistic actions and preferences -- his preferences to "roll alone," as Nick stated, would not work in the frameworks of either monogamy with Nick and/or the group dynamics of the hostel crew.

The link I linked above is an amazing answer to an inquiry I posed to dear @absolutebl last year about how Asian social collectivist paradigms are depicted in BLs. In that question-and-answer dialogue, I asked ABL Sensei about the motif of queer revelations in BLs, and how seemingly straight characters respond in kind to being approached with a proposition to a queer dalliance and/or relationship. Generally speaking, the Asian collectivist mindset is to at least attempt to respond in kind to those kinds of propositions, as one's behavioral habits are designed to be responsive to others instinctually, as opposed to only servicing oneself. To only service oneself is not only seen as selfish, but also as disturbing to the general flow of public existence among one's societies. To respond in kind means that you will not cause potentially disturbing angst to another individual or group. (Collectivism explains why Asian countries performed much better with mask mandates during the pandemic than we in the States did.)

So -- Boston filming Ray, Boston sleeping with Top, created waves in the friend group. He was so severely punished for it.

And the show iterates, and repeats, Nick's preference that Boston move forward alone in Boston's life, because of Boston's tendencies to make decisions that suit himself. As an Asian-American, I mutter to myself: god forbid.

Nick will not commit to Boston -- and yet, will also condemn Boston for making his own decisions outside of the specter of a monogamy that does not exist between Nick and Boston, and that Boston will still get judged for, as referenced in the Sand/Nick conversation depicted above.

In other words: if Boston makes a decision for himself? That's punishable. Because it might hurt someone else's feelings -- a someone else that actually hasn't committed to Boston, and/or allowed Boston to commit himself to.

This group caught Boston in a moralistic and collectivist catch-22, the likes of which I just would have never expected from Jojo and team, even if the creative team faced the economic pressures of the GMMTV bigwigs. I'm sorry to state that I am beyond disappointed in this condemnation of individualism, sending Boston alone, judged, and friendless, off to New York City to live in, what, the immoral boundaries of Chelsea? Homey, get a fucking SWEET-ASS PAD, and FUCK THESE LOSERS, leave 'em BEHIND in your cloud of airplane gas emissions. See you at the La Quinta rooftop bar on 32nd Street, friendo.

Only Friends could have ended so much better. And I understand that in the Only Friends novel, published AFTER the script was finished, that it did end somewhat better for Boston (cc @jinitak, reporting from Thailand, thank you for this heads-up about the novel!).

So. Any-fucking-way. Do y'all know how Gay OK Bangkok ended?

Of many lovely endings for the various GOKB characters, an older main character, Aof, was dating a much younger character, Big. (CC to @neuroticbookworm for our quick convo on this last night.)

Aof was sex-averse. Big wanted lots of sex. Big slept with a lot of people. He loved Aof. Aof couldn't handle Big having sex with other people, and they broke up. It was a lovingly handled break-up, written just gorgeously by Aof Noppharnach.

After their break-up, I thought Big would disappear from the show. Instead. Instead! Nong Big, the little brother to the core group of queer friends that centered GOKB, was welcomed back with open arms. Arm, Pom, Sathang (played by an effervescent Jennie Panhan), and others toasted to Big, telling him he would always be family, no matter if him and his ex, Aof, had broken up. In the queer circles of friends that I'm a part of, exes are not as commonly excommunicated as they are in straight circles.

Only Friends could have been this. Something, a little something, like this.

Instead, Only Friends punished a friend for acting outside of the rules of their group.

Boston was punished because.... because Only Friends had to end up being a BL. For the sake of the moolah, for the sake of collectivism, for the sake of the shippers who'll buy tickets around the world to see ForceBook and FirstKhao perform fan service on stage.

I just didn't think that the show would be so brutal, on so many levels, in the end, to people who want to have casual sex. I don't think any of us expected this. But, it's over, it's done, and the piece has been said -- GMMTV said, no casual sex today, and here's how we actually feel about it.

I'll see you over on Gagaoolala for Playboyy. Deuces, OF.

(It was an absolute pleasure writing meta with the Ephemerality Squad -- onto the next one! @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @ranchthoughts @twig-tea @slayerkitty @thatgirl4815 @distant-screaming @clara-maybe-ontheroad)

[valtsv]

i feel like your ocs would have amazing aita posts

oh definitely. in fact here's a sample for you.

Annie: "AITA for constructing a moral framework based on my belief that I am a character in a cosmic horror setting where my knowledge of the horrors makes me a target and thus I must do whatever it takes to survive (NOTE: I have justified the ruination of the lives of hundreds of people thanks to this worldview, but in my defence most of them had the potential to kill me even if they weren't actively trying to do so)"

also "WIBTA if I were to wander the earth leaving a trail of destruction in my wake until someone puts me out of my misery because my boyfriend died"

Lincoln: "AITA for continuing to pursue my passion of making music even though it compels people to kill each other (btw my new album is now available for pre-order!)"

Samara: "AITA for helming a highly dangerous expedition to the Arctic despite my lack of experience in this regard in order to prove to my father that I'm worthy of inheriting his company"

Nicky: "AITA for becoming a tool of the state in the fight to prevent angels and demons from abusing or destroying humanity for extremely personal revenge quest reasons (I do torture people for information as part of my job)"

Eddie: "AITA for placing myself intentionally in high-risk situations to spite my overbearing sister (regardless of your verdict I will be continuing)"

Logan: "AITA for tying my loyalty to whoever I perceive to be the most capable of protecting me from harm at any given time and doing whatever they ask of me unconditionally"

Fen: "AITA for letting people drown if they don't pay me to ferry them across the marshland which I am a physical manifestation of"

The Radio Host: actually i'm not even gonna try to write one for him he's a genocidal dictator who wants to turn the universe into its personal surveillance state

Dante: "AITA for running away from home to play a game that could kill me because I didn't want to talk to my parents about my mental health and also being a nepo baby I guess"

Maja: "WIBTA if I just lay down and gave up while my team are waiting for me to bring back help and rescue"

Pentifer: "AITA for killing innocent people so I can use their corpses as puppets to get close to my assassination targets if I was abused by my creator until I became hateful and cruel and now have no reason to trust that anyone will treat me differently when I'm widely feared and considered an abomination"

Jocelyn: "AITA for being an opportunistic cult leader who eats people and turns them into cocoons for spiders if I was raised to believe I have no choice in the matter"

Ram: "AITA for dying so badly that it was the catalyst of the problems for everyone around me"

Radi: "AITA for being unable to fall in love with the person who loved the person I was before her personality and memories were forcibly erased and I was born from the ashes of her destruction"

[pixies-and-poets]

Smithy Gang Headcanons

Hi, friends! I'm extremely grateful for the positive feedback on The Forging, and definitely want to write more SMRPG stuff; I've just been working on other priorities lately. However, my brain has been busy churning stuff over, even if I haven't had the time to sit down and write a story yet.

So I wanted to jot down some of my headcanons for the Smithy gang, specifically the forging order of the main members. I thought of a sequence where Smithy created each as a response to shortcomings he saw in their predecessors. This timeline will serve as a framework from which I can write future stories.

I don't think there's anything here that goes directly against canon, but I'm not as much of an SMRPG expert as I am with some other games lol, so feel free to tell me if there's some kind of Japanese-only line that contradicts me. Also let me know your own ideas if you want!! I am new to being a proper fan in this fandom :P

First, some general notes: I don't really have a good definition for who Smithy himself is, where he came from, or what his world is like, and I don't know if I ever will, since I find some degree of ominous mystery to be more interesting. Also - while I've seen the Gang described as "robots", while that may be true in a sense, I think of them more as "constructs" - I don't think they're powered by wires or circuitry or anything like that, but rather arcane magic. They are not powered by AI, even in the sense that a more nuanced and self-aware robo-sentience might be (see examples in the Marioverse: TEC, Beep-0, JEANIE), but a more traditional type of consciousness/soul that Smithy has learned to work with, as if it were yet another material. (This isn't abnormal for the Mario world, where we already have living bullets and bombs and the like- and in an ironic twist, also makes them somewhat similar to Geno, who is a consciousness inhabiting a form that would not produce sentience or mobility on its own.)

This isn't really a fic, although it's long enough to be one, lol. I hope you enjoy!

First there was Exor; but Smithy did not create him. In fact, Exor was Smithy's beloved blade, the reason for his obsession with living weapons in the first place. But Exor is a being even more ancient than Smithy, who just happened to bond with him in his lifetime. The sword can grow to a massive size, and is never truly destroyed, but will reappear and reforge itself throughout history. The otherworldly creature that attached itself to Exor and brought it to life has been known to some as the Neosquid.

Now Smithy, in a sense, was his own first experiment - gradually replacing his organic parts with malleable metal, not only to extend his own life, but to make himself more suited for a variety of purposes. This was a process that never really had an end, as he was always experimenting, creating new heads for himself. But when he was satisfied enough with his initial efforts, Smithy sought to create life in his own image, and in the image of his beloved Exor. Among other adventures, he spent time in Subcon, the Land of Dreams, studying the enigmatic nature of consciousness - at least enough so that he could harness some of its unfathomable magic for his own ends.

Boomer was the first of Smithy's prized creations (yes, because I like the idea of the one called "Boomer" being the oldest). Originally created to provide a sort of companionship to Smithy in the form of strategic advisory and being a bodyguard- and also to provide friendship, although Smithy would never admit it. Over time, Smithy became distracted with his newer and flashier works, and grew tired of Boomer's overly serious and staid nature. Though their relationship has grown distant, Boomer's fondness, gratitude and loyalty for his creator has never faltered, and he will defend Smithy to the very last of his existence. In turn, Smithy has never put forth plans for machine-made Boomers- the younger creations speculate it's because he's too outdated a model for this to be worth it, but perhaps it's because even now, Smithy considers him irreplaceable.

Bowyer was the next-forged. Smithy sought to make a commander who represented a long-range weapon, to contrast with Boomer's katana; and also a more creative and inventive personality to offset Boomer's traditionalist and unadventurous nature. When Bowyer was born, Smithy found that he had accidentally gone way too far (in his opinion) in this new direction, leading to a creation that was so erratic he refused to even speak like those around him. Smithy found Bowyer a hard-to-control troublemaker who would rarely listen to him (or Boomer) and seemed unhappy most of the time, not fitting in with the world he had been forged into. Bowyer would also leave arrows all over the place, sticking out of random things in the weapon world - this is when Smithy had the bright idea to create arrows with consciousness, so they could return to their leader on their own. To Smithy and Boomer's surprise, Bowyer became a lot more joyful and content when he met his little Aeros, and they all became an inseparable entourage.

Smithy became creatively blocked while trying to think of his next big project, largely due to the stress of Bowyer's early behavior. Instead, he came up with a number of smaller-time minions, some of which were the Shymores, based on the Shy Guys he had observed during the time he had spent in Subcon. The Shymores were a playfully destructive group, and after seeing Bowyer's happiness with the Aeros, Smithy decided to forge a creation who was destined to be a leader from the outset; and also one with a mischievous streak, yet toned down from Bowyer. And so he made Claymorton, who later called himself Mack. He was a beloved leader to his rowdy group, but perhaps too social- he ended up neglecting his own training, preferring to play and mess around with his friends, and thus never became very strong on his own.

By now, Smithy was growing frustrated by the failures and flaws that he saw in the personalities of his creations. He decided to think extra hard about the character of his next project: this would be someone who could work completely independently - brilliant, shrewd, capable of powerful magic spells and illusions. Yet Smithy made sure to write in an unflinching loyalty to himself into the new creation's code, so to speak. And lo: at first Speardovich seemed everything Smithy could have ever wanted. Proud, powerful, but knowing his place. He needed no minions, and thus was never distracted, as he could split his own form and consciousness so that one being could do the work of many. He might appear to be older than Bowyer and Claymorton, but in fact he is technically not; he was just created from the outset to be more mature, with the moustache to prove it. And yet, over time, the cracks in this personality began to show. Speary was pompous and did not get along with the other creations when necessity called them to work together. And his respect for Smithy manifested as simpering; a begging for praise and attention which the smith found increasingly unbearable. He was always coming up with unasked-for ideas and input, such as: perhaps all the machine-made units could take the name of a spear in a different language, and "speardovich" could be their overall model name, and that he quite liked Yaridovich for himself personally, and perhaps it would be alright if- but no, Smithy would have none of it. While at first he had beamed with joy at this newest creation, he soon enough kept him at arm's length (or spear's length?) as well.

Finally, Smithy hit upon a brilliant idea - his next creation would be a group of (mostly) equals who could depend on each other without a major power imbalance, keep each other entertained, and stay out of his hair. The Axem Rangers were born, all bearing an energetic and youthful personality which they are still yet to grow out of. They were given control of the Blade, and sent to scout various worlds. They often picked up slang and brought home entertainment from the places they visited, and developed a countless number of inside jokes. The other commanders, and especially Smithy himself and Boomer, found it hard to keep up with them. However, Smithy considered their existence a big success, and remained very proud of them- although this might be due to the fact that he ended up not having to interact with them that much.

...So, that's what I have for now! I'm not sure where all of the Factory enemies fit into this; based on their descriptions, I think Clerk/Manager/Director aren't creations of Smithy, but are the same species as him and recruited from his homeworld. Same with the Chief, aside from possibly not being the same species. Smaller minions like jabits and the hammers would be produced at various points that aren't super relevant to this larger narrative. Count Down was probably made as a fun side-project when Smithy wanted to take a break from weapons per se, and see what he could do with an object like a clock. Gunyolk was confirmed to be created by the Chief. And Cloaker and Domino are weird outliers; I want to say they would be among some of the first things Smithy made, or the latest, in some kind of more abstract and experimental period.

Again - let me know your thoughts and ideas!

[dailyanarchistposts]

Undoing ideology

Rather than becoming rooted in a single ideological current, Alston points to the potential of affirming the most enabling parts of a multiplicity of currents. Similarly, when we interviewed Richard Day, he made a distinction between an ideological approach and an ethical one, like Alston’s:

Day: If someone is working ideologically, they will have a pat answer to any question that might be asked, without having to do much in the way of thinking or analysis. If you ask a liberal about smashing bank windows in a protest, they will probably say it’s violent and bad; if you ask an anarchist, they will probably say it’s not violence, it’s destruction of stolen property and quite a valid thing to do. This is similar to working morally, in that you need only consult a tablet, ask a functionary such as a priest, and they will tell you what to do and not do. In a critical, analytic—ethical—way of relating, it is impossible to know what one might think or feel ahead of time; that will be contingent upon many circumstances of the situation. There is likely to be much more complexity, much more nuance, less dogmatism, certainty, and purity. In general, I think it’s safe to associate ideological ways of relating with rigid radicalism, and that’s why you find that so many people, all over the world, who are actually involved in the most powerful social movements and upheavals, tend to steer away from ideology, and orient more to shared values, practices, and goals. Nick & carla: And not being ideological means being uncertain, as well, right? Day: Yeah. Working non-ideologically definitely involves an element of openness, a vulnerability, not only at the level of emotion, but also at the level of thought, and of political relationships. There is a certain sort of safety in having an answer for everything.[151]

As we insisted earlier, ethics here does not mean an individualized set of fixed principles (as in consumer ethics, or personal ethics) but instead a capacity to be attuned to the situation, to be immersed in it, and to create something emergent out of the existing conditions. Alston speaks to the power and potential of working across difference in ways that respect where people are coming from:

Different consciousnesses can come from different places … and we can figure out the dialog, how to create a way forward that respects us all, that respects the different worlds that we come from. So for me, if that had happened back then in 1970, where would we have been right now? And for me, that’s such a better way to go, ‘cause for the queer community, or the Yoruba community that may exist in Brooklyn, what’s best for them? Whether one is a small geographical community or tied to their ethnicity or dealing with a lifestyle, we should just be open to come together and see how we can do this in a different kind of way. That’s the challenge.[152]

This is the ethics of encounter. Instead of asking whether we (or they) are inherently radical, revolutionary, or anarchist, an ethical approach asks questions about how we affect each other, what new encounters become possible, and what we can do together. None of the answers to these questions can be known in advance. They can only be asked as part of an open-ended, unfolding experiment, as markers in an always-changing world, in which we figure things out along the way. As the anarchist collective Crimethinc writes,

If the hallmark of ideology is that it begins from an answer or a conceptual framework and attempts to work backward from there, then one way to resist ideology is to start from questions rather than answers. That is to say—when we intervene in social conflicts, doing so in order to assert questions rather than conclusions.

What is it that brings together and defines a movement, if not questions? Answers can alienate or stupefy, but questions seduce. Once enamored of a question, people will fight their whole lives to answer it. Questions precede answers and outlast them: every answer only perpetuates the question that begot it.[153]

We would add that an important complement to asking questions is being able to listen sincerely to responses, and to those with altogether different questions. The power of questions comes from people being able to respond and hear each other in new ways. It comes from hanging onto the uncertainties they generate, and the new potential that comes along with them. To undo ideology is not as straightforward as taking off a pair of glasses to see the world differently. To ward off ideology is not finally to see clearly, but to be disoriented, allowing things to emerge in their murkiness and complexity. It might mean seeing and feeling more, but often vaguely, like flickers in one’s peripheral vision, or strange sensations that defy familiar categories and emotions. It is an undoing of oneself, cutting across the grain of habits and attachments. To step out of an inherited ideology can be joyful and painful.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Survivor Blues

DEAD WOOD: JOEL'S POV

A/N: After far too long, this one is back in action! I have missed writing this story so darn much and it feels great to be back with these characters. This interlude has been living in my wip folder for a damn year, and I am really exciting to finally be sharing it. It takes place immediately following the events of Part Five, and it marks the first time that we get to see things through Joel's eyes in this universe. (It also alludes to some things that I haven't expanded on within this story yet, but that I am so SO excited to.)

Series Masterlist

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: language, mention of character death, loss, grief, trauma, brief description of injury, Ellie is a snarky teenager, PLOT SPOILERS FOR TLOU, feel free to message me if you have questions (it's actually a lot more hopeful than the title makes it sound)

Summary: Home from the supply run, Joel contemplates how far he's come since arriving in Jackson... and hopes that it will be the same for you. Tommy and Ellie - of course - have thoughts and opinions on things, too.

By the time Joel got home after a quick stop at the clinic, it was past seven, the house - and Ellie’s garage - both standing dark and empty against the beginnings of night. 

She must be out with friends. Good. 

It had taken a few years, but he was finally in a place where her absence didn’t immediately put him on edge. When they first settled into the house on Rancher Street, Joel would insist that Ellie stay at Tommy and Maria’s anytime he was gone overnight. Even the walls and the close knit community couldn’t fully satisfy that need to know that she was safe then. But now a note stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet telling him where she’d gone was more than sufficient. 

Which was exactly what he found when he entered the kitchen. Plucking the piece of paper from the fridge door and leaning against the counter, he read the girl’s hastily scrawled words. 

Joel, 

Not sure when you’re getting back but I might not be here when you do. Staying with some friends tonight and tomorrow. I’ll be home on Tuesday. Movie night - don’t forget!

-Ellie 

He chuckled to himself and shook his head. Like I’d ever forget movie night, kiddo. 

Getting that back - that time with her where they could just be a family, laughing together and watching some movie that was made fifteen years before she was born, that time that both of them desperately craved where they could put down all the things they carried and all the things they’d gone through even if only for 120 minutes at a time - that was a gift he would never take for granted. Her eventual forgiveness and understanding, once he’d finally explained his reasoning for the choices he made, was everything to Joel. And it was still fresh. The two of them were still awkwardly trying to find their way back to the kind of relationship they had before the lie came to light. But it was a chance that Joel never imagined he’d get, and it wasn’t one he would ever squander. 

He raised his hand to stick Ellie’s note back on the refrigerator door for now, but paused before using the same faded orange Longhorns magnet that she had used to secure it. Instead, he dug into his back pocket and pulled out a new one. Turning it over in his palm, Joel glanced down at the yellow letters spelling out Wyoming and remembered the look on your face when he handed you one identical to it that morning. 

It wasn’t really a smile, more like the framework of one, a hint of what it would look like fully fleshed out. It was different from the ones he’d seen you wear while working in the bakery or waving to someone on the street. Those were pleasantries that you were refamiliarizing yourself with. This one touched your eyes, softening them for a few seconds. It made Joel wonder what he unearthed with that small gesture - what part of your former life he’d been able to reach and awaken, at least partially. He didn’t bother with wondering what it meant that he’d taken an identical magnet for himself. 

With a sigh, he used the gas station souvenir to tack up Ellie’s note where he’d found it. Keeping his injured arm down at his side, he reached to open the cupboard next to the fridge and pulled down a glass and the bottle he kept there. He let out a grunt as he twisted the cap off, needing to use both hands to do so and being punished for the miniscule movement with a throb of discomfort through his bicep. Shit, that hurts. 

Though your work had held up just fine all the way back to Jackson, the wound had still garnered a hiss and a wince from the nurse on duty at the clinic. Using a cloth and clear grain alcohol, she’d carefully cleaned between and around the stitches, telling him that he was lucky he had someone with him who knew what they were doing, because the cut was deep and without closing it properly, he would have lost a lot more blood than he did. Slathering the area with an antiseptic cream, she re-wrapped his arm and sent him on his way, recommending that he not get the stitches wet for a good two days. 

Gonna have to stick my arm outta the shower I guess. First thing’s first, though. 

But before he could finish making himself a drink, he was interrupted by the call of his name. “Joel?” Tommy’s voice joined the stomp of his boots as he climbed the porch stairs and let himself through the front door. “Hey, Joel? Where-” 

I shoulda known he’d be over. 

Holly, the nurse at the clinic, was close friends with Maria. There was no way that she didn’t radio over to let Maria know that she’d just taken care of her brother-in-law. And that meant that Tommy knew, too. 

“Kitchen,” Joel answered, cutting his brother’s question short and reaching into the cupboard for a second glass. Setting it on the counter, he opened the freezer and scooped a few ice cubes into his palm before dividing them between the two tumblers. They clinked against the cut glass but fell silent as Joel poured a few fingers of whiskey in each, turning around in time to see Tommy appear in the doorway. “Hey, little brother.”

Tommy’s eyes were alert as he gave Joel the once over, his heightened focus settling on the bandage on his arm. “Shit, you alright? Holly said-” 

“M’fine, Tommy.” He picked up one of the glasses and handed it over, the younger man accepting it with visible relief. “Just a cut. Fell into some broken glass.”

Tommy raised one eyebrow. “You fell, huh?” 

Joel rolled his eyes with a gruff groan. “Couple’a infected caught us by surprise at the eye doctor. Nothin’ we couldn’t handle.” He leaned back against the counter and lifted his glass to his lips, taking a swig.

“Jesus.” Tommy took a drink, too, bending forward to rest his elbows on the island in the center of the kitchen. He set his glass down but kept his fingers around it, forehead furrowing as he spoke your name in the form of a question. “She’s alright, too? Holly didn’t say anything about-” 

Joel shook his head. “She’s fine, Tommy. Didn’t even have to stop at the clinic, so Holly didn’t see her.” He took another small drink, letting the rich amber liquid coat his tongue before swallowing. “She went straight back to her place from the stables.”

“Good.” Tommy nodded and blew out a breath, the last of the worry leaving his expression. “That’s good.” He cleared his throat and swirled the contents of his glass, watching the ice slide around the sides. “And uh… she did alright?” His eyes came back up then. “I mean, dealin’ with the infected and all?”  

Joel recalled the way you snapped immediately into action, shifting seamlessly from defense to attack, muscle memory taking over and guiding your blade exactly where it needed to go without hesitation. 

Alright’s an understatement. 

You’d had a moment of panic in the aftermath, but though Joel was certain that was what Tommy was asking about with the addition of “and all”, he decided not to consider it in his response. Your explanation was solid. No harm had been done, and he didn’t think it warranted mentioning. Nor did the fact that he had only been knocked through the glass display case because he’d glanced in your direction first to make sure you didn’t need help. 

We’re both fine. No point in worryin’ him over nothin’. She’s no more of a liability on a run than I am. She just… she needs time. Like we all did. 

“Yeah,” he answered, brows pinched together as he took another drink. He shrugged his bandaged arm out in front of him. “She even patched me up once we were in the clear.”

Tommy’s eyes widened. “Well, shit.” The tiniest twitch of his mustache gave away a hidden smirk, and he used the hand holding his glass to point at Joel. “You mean you actually let someone take care of you?” 

Joel rolled his eyes again. “Shut it, Tommy.” 

That got a laugh out of him, the younger man setting his glass on the island to lift both hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m just messin’ with you, big brother.” He smiled, a smaller chuckle slipping through it as his hands dropped to the counter. “Really, though.” He nodded. “I’m glad you’re both okay.” 

“Yeah.” Your near-smile flashed in Joel’s memory again as his eyes shifted to the magnet on the refrigerator. “Me too.” The kitchen fell silent for a handful of seconds, both men finishing their drinks before Joel spoke again. “Hey, do… do you remember that time you gave me a hand takin’ down the old oak tree in the yard?” 

Tommy blinked, clearly surprised by the question, but didn’t ask why Joel had brought it up. Instead, he tilted his head, brow furrowed as he sorted through his memories. The moment he dug the right one from its hiding spot, his expression changed. The creases in his forehead smoothed out and gave way to curved lines around his mouth as he broke into a smile. 

“Yeah.” He let out a huff of laughter, hanging his head and letting it shake from side to side before lifting it again. When he did he was still smiling, though there was a bittersweet shadow behind it. I know. You miss her too. “I remember us catchin’ hell for it.” 

We sure did. Joel tipped the bottle to fill both glasses with a half measure, then screwed the cap back on and put the bottle back in the cabinet it came from. 

The tree in question had been Sarah’s favorite. A swing hung from one of its branches, and Joel had tacked scraps of wood into the trunk that she used as footholds to scamper up so she could sit in the Y-shaped split in the center. And though she was only seven at the time, she had put up quite a fight when it came to taking it down. Joel could still picture the determined scowl on her face as she sat against the trunk. She had her scrawny arms crossed over her chest as she informed her father and her uncle that she wouldn’t let them kill her tree. What she didn’t know was that the tree was diseased, and that if left alone, not only would it become a safety hazard, but it ran the risk of infecting other nearby trees. 

He matched Tommy’s smile. “That girl all but tied herself to that damn trunk.” Joel always had the suspicion that if she had the time and an accomplice to help her with the knots, she would have. “She could be persistent, huh?” 

Tommy hummed. “Wonder where she got that from. What is it they say about apples again?” He laughed, but then curiosity got the better of him. “What…” He coughed to clear his throat. “What made you think’a that?” 

I’m gettin’ to it. “You remember how I had to prove to her that the tree was sick? Took my pocket knife and scratched the bark so she could see it was already dyin’ underneath?” She had gasped when the scratch test revealed a grayish, ashy underlayer, her eyes going wide and her bottom lip quivering, tears threatening to spill as her outrage instantly turned to fear for the other trees in the yard. “I had to scrape ‘em all, show her the rest of ‘em were still green and alive, even though they all looked the same on the outside.”

Tommy’s eyes narrowed and he swallowed. “Yeah… Where you goin’ with this, Joel?” 

“I been thinkin’ about how it’s like that for people, too. It was like that for me. It was like that for me for a long time, Tommy.” Tilting the glass in his hand, he watched the amber liquid collect in the corner of it, shining gold through the cut crystal where the overhead light struck. “Scratch test came up gray for years. Thought I’d never really feel anything again… Thought I was done.” 

Straightening the glass, he let its contents slosh back to cover the bottom before bringing it to his lips and taking a sip. Honey and malt slid over his tongue, a subtle layer of smoke and spice following as he swallowed. Back in Boston, drinking wasn’t something he did for enjoyment or relaxation. It wasn’t for savoring or even tasting, really. Then he drank to forget. To sleep. To turn it all off. Here in Jackson though, he could share a drink with his brother and remember. 

Remember what life tasted and looked and felt like. Remember his daughter. Remember who he was beneath all the dead wood around his heart.  

“Yeah.” Tommy’s eyes were on his own glass, a frown pulling at his mouth and etching creases between his eyebrows again. “I know.” He cleared his throat and took a long swig, finishing his drink with a wince that cracked into a fool’s gold grin - one that Joel knew was covering feelings of guilt and empathy and other things Tommy still felt compelled to atone for even though Joel had tried his best to lay those things to rest in the years since their reunion. We were no good to each other like that, little brother. We would have just broken each other. I don’t blame you for leavin’. Not anymore. Tommy reached over, grin still stretched across his face but growing more genuine as he clapped Joel on the shoulder of his good arm. “But you ain’t done, you old fucker. Not yet.” 

That was thanks almost entirely to Ellie and they both knew it. The girl was determined, borderline relentless, same as Sarah had been with the tree. She had been the one to keep scratching, keep digging, keep checking for the hint of green under all that twisted, lifeless gray. And when she found it, all the things that he thought had disappeared started coming out of their dormancy.

Things like jokes and laughter. Memories. The capacity to care deeply for others again. Things like movie nights. The things that made surviving the worst worthwhile. 

It was also thanks in part to Jackson - and to Tommy and Maria for welcoming him and Ellie into their lives. Some days it terrified him, allowing himself to have so much to lose again. There were still times he worried that he had peeled back too many of those hardened layers. That he’d let his guard down too much, exposed his heart to happiness for too long and that it would all be lost to blight. But even on those days he knew what Tommy had just said to be true - that he wasn’t done yet. 

And neither is she. 

Joel spoke your name then, nodding solemnly. “I think it’s been like that for her for a long time, too.” 

Tommy sighed. “Yeah.” He finished his drink and walked over to set the empty glass in the sink. “I got that impression, too.” Turning around, he tilted his head to one side. “You said she was alright on the trip though. Somethin’ happen?” 

Joel took a breath in through his nose, letting it back out slowly. “Just…” He tapped his pointer finger absently against the glass he still held. “I think I saw that  in her. The green underneath. I think… bein’ here is… it’s helpin’ her.” Even if she’s got a long way to go. “It’s… she’s still in there.”  

You were. And Joel realized, for the first time since meeting Tess all those years ago in Boston, that he wanted to know that person - the person who showed him the hint of a genuine smile, the person who carefully and gently patched him up, the person who shared a coveted instant coffee packet with him to pass the time and stay warm on a chilly night. And that scares the hell outta me.  

“Well that’s-” Tommy’s smile had nothing but warmth behind it that time. “That’s real good to hear.” He stepped away from the counter and towards the kitchen door then, bringing his hands together. “Well, I’ll get outta here so you can get yourself cleaned up and all. Just had to make sure you were good after we heard from Holly.” 

Joel nodded, following him out into the living room. “Yeah. How’d you put it? Thanks for still givin’ a shit about me?” He heard his brother snort out a laugh before turning around to face him again. 

“Yeah, exactly.” He paused then, the joking smile falling away to reveal something more serious yet still full of relief and warmth. When he spoke again his words were quiet, but they made a big impact. “It’s real good to hear you talk about Sarah again, too.” 

With that, he left, and Joel was left to respond to the empty room. “Yeah. It is.” 

–  –  – 

Twenty minutes later he was drying off from the shower when he heard the sound of the back door opening, followed by the call of his name. 

“Joel? You home?” Ellie’s voice was muffled by the closed door and the towel that he was dragging over his hair. 

Ellie? Thought she was stayin’ out tonight? 

He called back. “Yeah. Gimme five minutes, I’ll be right down.”  

Moving from the bathroom into his bedroom, Joel pulled clean clothes and underwear from his dresser - a pair of thick navy blue sweatpants along with a dark gray t- shirt and a pair of wool socks. Easing the shirt carefully over his wrapped bicep, he sighed, knowing that as soon as Ellie saw it she would react. She hated seeing him injured, as anyone would hate to see someone they cared about get hurt. But Joel knew that in her case, it was more than that. In her case, it reminded her of those dark days in Colorado, when she did all she could to keep him alive and still wasn’t sure he would make it through the night. 

It won’t always be like that, though. ‘Least I hope not. For her sake. 

The  thought of covering it up with a loose fitting flannel or long sleeved shirt didn’t even occur to him, though. After coming clean about everything that happened in Salt Lake City with the Fireflies and the doctor they were working with, Joel made a solemn vow to himself that he’d never withhold the truth from her again. Even when it might hurt. Especially when it might hurt. Because he knew that nothing he’d done in that hospital had hurt her more than the lie he told her on the outskirts of Jackson. 

And I’ll never do that to her again. 

As he made his way down the stairs, he heard her moving around in the kitchen, the sound of plates being set on the counter meeting his ears. “I’m making sandwiches,” she yelled when the fourth step from the bottom creaked under his weight. “You want one?” 

“Sure, kiddo.”  What happened to stayin’ with your friends? Everything alright?” He wasn’t trying to distract her by keeping her talking before she saw his arm, but Joel wanted her to hear it in his voice that he was okay. 

She groaned. “Kat and Dina are having some kind of stupid drama and I didn’t wanna get sucked into it so I decided to come home. You know, they’re both important to me but sometimes they can just - Fuck! Joel! What the?” 

He’d walked into the kitchen at the same time that she looked up from the slices of bread that she was piling with leftover chicken, the sight of him making her stop what she was doing and scramble around the island to stand in front of him. 

“Hey, hey, it’s…” He held up both hands, only wincing a little at the pull of his stitches when he lifted his arm. “I’m fine, Ellie. Just a cut.” 

“Well …” Her eyes were wide but she tore  them from the bandage to look up at him. “Well, what happened? I thought it was supposed to be an easy run?” 

“It was. But you know as well as I do that easy runs can turn, yeah?” He reached forward, placing his hand on her shoulder and tilting his head to the side. “Hey. I’m okay, kiddo.” Giving her a light squeeze, he waited for her to nod and accept what he was saying, and then he shot a glance at the half-finished sandwiches. “C’mon, I’m starvin’. Let’s eat and I’ll fill you in.” 

Just like he did the night that he and Tommy brought you into town, Joel sat down and told her everything that happened at the optometrist’s office - how the pair of infected had seemingly come from nowhere and were suddenly on the two of you, how the one that lunged at him managed to knock him backwards and through a glass case, how you had made sure that the wound was cleaned and tended to as best as you could. And though she had been concerned and rattled at the beginning of his story, Ellie was wearing something close to a smirk as he finished. 

“Oh.” She bit off a mouthful of her sandwich, raising her eyebrows as she chewed and speaking again before she swallowed. “So you like… really trust this chick, huh?” 

Joel clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. Her too? First Tommy and now- “That’s your comment? Not ‘Well I’m glad you had someone there to help you, Joel’?” 

Ellie rolled her eyes right back. “Yeah, yeah that too. But I mean…” She gave a casual, one-shouldered shrug. “First you let her take care of you, then you decide to both sleep at the same time instead of taking shifts?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. “You never do that unless it’s me or Tommy.” Something dawned on her then, and she turned mid-chew toward the sink, gesturing towards it with the hand that still held what was left of her sandwich. “Wait. Is that why there’s two glasses in there? Did she come over when you got back to town?” 

“What? No. Ellie…” He sighed, and shook his head. “No. There’s two glasses in the sink because Tommy was here earlier, not-” 

“Well you should invite her over for dinner then. As a thank you-” She emphasized her intention to silence his protest. “- for sewing you up, you know?” 

Joel took a bite of his food, chewing it slowly to buy himself more time before answering. The idea of having you in his home, sharing a meal, talking and laughing - he’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t like it. But I don’t know if she… 

He thought back to his own first few months in Jackson and how skittish he was every time someone would try to include him in anything that wasn’t directly related to security or survival. It all still seemed so impractical. Cookouts and movie nights and holidays while the world outside the walls continued to crumble? And then there was the guilt. That grating, shredding near-constant feeling that he shouldn’t be there - shouldn’t be safe, shouldn’t be happy or comfortable or even alive - not when Tess didn’t get to be there too. Not when Sarah never had a chance to. You hadn’t said much about the things you’d been through or the people you’d lost, other than that you’d recently lost your nephew. But Joel knew from experience that while those devastating wounds never fully healed, they did become less raw when they were given some time.   

I’d like it. But I don’t know if she’s ready for somethin’ like that. He swallowed and brought a hand up to wipe his mouth. Yet. 

“Maybe when the weather’s nicer an’ we can cook outside.” He got up from the table and took his plate with him, setting it in the sink next to the two glasses. 

The scrape of chair legs on the floor told him that Ellie had gotten up, too, the girl appearing at his elbow to stack her plate atop his. “What does the weather have to do with-” He shot her a look then and she rolled her eyes. “Alright, fine. But we’re circling back to this in June.” 

Joel leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “Speakin’ of circling back, you said somethin’ about your friends fightin’? You wanna talk about that?” He lifted one eyebrow as she shot him a look of her own. 

“I do not.” 

Joel snorted a laugh. “Alright, then. Just try not to go breakin’ too many hearts, yeah? You don’t-” 

Without missing a beat, Ellie grabbed the dish towel that was hanging on the oven handle, balling it up and throwing it at his face. “Shut up.” She was laughing too, though, bending down to pick up the towel after Joel had batted it away. “So stupid.” Straightening back up with an exaggerated sigh, she whipped the towel onto the countertop. “On that note, I’m gonna get outta here.” She glanced at his arm, mouth dipping into a quick frown that was gone by the time she looked back up at his face. “I’m glad you’re home, Joel. Have a good night.” 

He smiled, chest warming as he did. “G’night, kiddo. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

With that she turned and was nearly out the door when something caught her eye and she stopped in front of the refrigerator. “Hey, you got a new magnet.” She pointed at the note she’d left him, now stuck up with the square-ish shape of Wyoming. “I used the cowhead one but this one’s-” She looked over her shoulder, a smirk beginning to grow. “You brought home a souvenir from your trip, huh? So you could remember it? Any reason for that?” 

Joel narrowed his eyes at her, but all it did was pull a laugh out of her. “Good night, Ellie.”  She laughed all the way down the back porch steps but Joel didn’t mind. She ain’t wrong.

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[anathemafiction]

Hey. Thanks for your writing. It's really nice to have something so special to have fun with, to get lost in, and to look forward to. It's been a whole year but it's still a joy to revisit the Golden Rose even if I've read it so many times. Looking forward to book 2 and hope you know that what you do is very appreciated <3

It's great to hear you can still find enjoyment with it, especially since you've had the game for so long. 

I also can't wait for you to dive back into the world of the Rose! This second book is my most ambitious project since... ever. It's all the culmination of Book One's threads — and of the 11 outlined chapters, there are 2 gigantic moments I cannot wait for people to experience!!  

Because of the incredible support on Patreon, I'd decided to extend what I first planned Book Two to be — before, it would stop at chapter 11, but now I can go beyond it. I haven't outlined that new part yet (which would be book 3), but I think it'll end up being 19 chapters whole. Of that new part... Well, there are so many big moments I want to get to and see the reception!!! They're the big ones. The really, really big ones — not only plot-wise but character-wise. 

I've said before that Book One was the foundation, the framework I had to settle down and make sure was sturdy enough that I could then build the metaphorical cathedral that I want the Rose to be. All glass windows and magnificent walls and ceilings so high that light falls as weighted beams to the earlthy floor below. 

I also admit that Book One turned out much bigger than I thought it would be, and that scope change forced me to end it at an earlier point than I had first planned — to give context, I wanted Book One to go to the end of these 11 chapters I have outlined. So, Book Two would be the second half of Book One, but, again, because of Patreon and the royalties from Hosted Games, I can make Book Two into a bigger and more fulfilling journey. The new ending is a scene I can tell you I've had in my mind since I first wrote that prophecy so long ago:

As the artist mourns his Fortune

So the dynasty falls to crumble

And the two branches snatch asunder

Beware the weeping Heavens 

For they warn of Ancient Madness

Released, at least, of its confinement

But even End must have an end

And from the dead branch of the Golden Tree

*choice

A child of Venus, her eyes ablaze

A child of Mars, his eyes ablaze

...

So, thank you! ♡ I apologize for using your innocent message to ramble endlessly but after this update, I plan to be transparent and direct again about progress so, hey, let me train a little bit here. I'm a bit rusty. 😋

[breelandwalker]

hi Bree! I am currently doing research on modern paganism as a whole, and have come across a few passages about how some practitioners claim to follow an 'old' or 'the old and true' religion. I know Margot Adler mentions this briefly in "Drawing Down The Moon" (page 77) - but I'm wondering if you've seen any other sources on this? I want to learn more about the origins of this 'old and true' religion, but none of my regular resources are turning up anything of substance.

-gasps in Witchstorian- Is it time? I think it's time. Excuse me while I put on my very best hat.

Today, we're going to have a chat about MARGARET FUCKING MURRAY and her thoroughly discredited theories about a Great White Western Witch-Cult. (I have plans to do a wholeass podcast episode on this nonsense in the coming year, so consider this a warm-up. I should also note that debunking claims of an Ancient Unified Religion of Witchcraft is part of how I first earned my stripes as a fledgling Witchstorian. So this be my wheelhouse and I welcome ye to it.)

In her 1921 book, The Witch-Cult in Western Europe, Murray put forth the theory that the ceremonies and rituals detailed in witch trial documents were actually descriptions of practices utilized by a matriarchal pagan fertility cult whose adherents had survived in secret following the Christianization of the British Isles. She pointed to a number of historical personages accused of and/or executed for witchcraft as members of this alleged "Old Religion," presented the idea of "flying on broomsticks" as a ritual activity involving a leaping dance with brooms held between women's thighs (the handles being smeared with a hallucinogenic salve), and claimed that the "Horned God of the witches" was later twisted into modern artistic depictions of Satan as a method of quite literally demonizing these supposed pagan ways. Furthermore, according to Murray, the cult had survived into the present day in the form of a certain secret groups in rural areas of Britain. (It should be noted that while Murray did not invent this theory, she was its' biggest and arguably most legitimizing proponent in her day.)

If any of this is sounding familiar, you get a cookie.

Gerald Gardner was a big fan of these theories and further bolstered the claims when he touted the New Forest coven as a surviving group from the "Old Religion." He incorporated many of Murray's claims into the early framework of his own myth-building. If you read Witchcraft Today (1954), you'll see a lot of Murray's work repeated as a framework for Gardner's own theories on contemporary witchcraft practices, which later became the basis for Wicca.

The issue here is that Murray was working with both a flawed premise and a really terrible use of source material. Repeatedly, she cited superstition, prosecutorial arguments, and confessions from accused witches from 16th-17th century trial records as fact, completely ignoring that none of this had any physical evidence attached to it and that confessions were often made under torture or the threat thereof. She also cited a lack of evidence as alleged evidence of a coverup by the Church and the Crown, or the cult itself covering its' tracks. Even her contemporaries viewed her work as fringe theory and it's largely because she was invited to write the Encyclopedia Britannica article on Witchcraft and the later use of her theories in the creation of Wicca that she's taken seriously by anybody at all.

While Murray's claims are thoroughly discredited, almost literally laughed out of academia during her own lifetime, certain sectors of the modern witchcraft and pagan communities still cling to this idea of a secret surviving pre-Christian goddess cult. I can fully understand why this is tempting, given the romantic notion of clandestine meetings and bonfire dances out in the woods, as well as the need of some modern witches to feel connected to some form of borrowed martyrdom as a mirror for their own feelings of disenfranchisement. No serious scholar of the early modern period or the history of witch trials during that time considers Murray's work credible and modern historians are prone to cringing whenever her name is mentioned.

So yeah, if you see a work on modern paganism or witchcraft referring to "the Old Ways" or "the Old Religion," that's very likely what it's talking about. Margot Adler and Ronald Hutton, both noted and credible authors writing about the modern witchcraft movement, mention Murray's witch-cult hypothesis in their books....but mostly only to say what a crock of shit it was.

For further reading, I recommend Jacqueline Simpson's 1994 article, "Margaret Murray: Who Believed Her And Why?," Ronald Hutton's "Triumph of the Moon," and the Wikipedia article on the witch-cult hypothesis (purely for a condensed version of how the theory came to be and how it has affected modern thought).

I'll leave you with this quote from A New History of Witchcraft: Sorcerers, Heretics and Pagans (Russell and Brooks), regarding Murray's work:

"That this 'old religion' persisted secretly, without leaving any evidence, is, of course, possible, just as it is possible that below the surface of the moon lie extensive deposits of Stilton cheese. Anything is possible. But it is nonsense to assert the existence of something for which no evidence exists. The Murrayites ask us to swallow a most peculiar sandwich: a large piece of the wrong evidence between two thick slices of no evidence at all."

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

Uruha blog - MASS era (2020.10 - 2024.01)

Uruha blog 2024.01.14 - "2024"

Seeing the various pieces of information about the earthquake that occurred on the Noto Peninsula on the 1st, and the situations of those affected and the disaster areas, I felt it was not the right time to be posting anything, and as a result, my first blog post of the new year has been delayed to this timing.

I believe that those affected by the disaster are still going through very difficult times, and I extend my heartfelt sympathies to them and pray for a swift recovery.

In 2024, I want to fulfill what I can and should do in order to continue creating music and delivering it to everyone, and to maintain a society that supports such activities.

Although my posts here have gradually decreased, I strongly feel that it is precisely because of these times that I must cherish blogging without forgetting my initial intentions. I will do my best to post a bit more this year, so please stay tuned!

Uruha blog 2023.07.26 - "After finishing the MASS tour"

Since it's been a while since the MASS tour final at Budokan ended, I’d like to take this opportunity to express my feelings.

I feel that sometimes it is important to write on the blog again after a long time, but after all, these are just my ramblings, no more significant than graffiti in a bathroom. So, I hope only those who notice will read it.

As I write this in 2023, we are gradually returning to a state close to our pre-COVID-19 daily life. Reflecting on the MASS tour, it strikes me that it was a project that began under the restrictions and limitations imposed by the pandemic, starting from the album's production period.

Despite all humanity facing equal hardships, I am amazed at how the entire MASS project, from its creation to the final show, seemed to be so dramatically in sync with the world’s transition from restrictions to relaxation. Witnessing the miracle of the crowd being allowed to cheer at Budokan was overwhelmingly moving.

We also suffered during this period, albeit perhaps to a lesser extent than some. We experienced unprecedented cracks in various places. I saw firsthand how quickly and easily what we had built could collapse.

There were moments when I, someone saved by music, doubted the power of my own music.

The sight at the final show shone all the more brightly to me precisely because it followed such a desperate beginning.

Thus, we have reached a turning point with the MASS tour, but each piece of work we’ve created so far is part of the larger framework of the GazettE, and has shaped who I am today—my very “life.” I am determined to connect the experiences we have cultivated up to now to our next work.

No matter how difficult the times, no matter how unreasonable the situations we face, I want to receive and respond to your words and emotions properly, and to continue to support and encourage you with the utmost respect and gratitude.

On the Budokan stage, I could only convey a simplified message, but writing this has made me realize once again that the words I spoke directly at that time are a hundred times more significant and important than any written words. (laugh)

Even so, I believe that this post serves its own purpose, so I wanted to write down my feelings of gratitude to everyone.

Let’s continue walking together toward the sights beyond MASS.

Uruha blog 2023.01.03 - "2023"

Happy New Year.

Looking back on last year, 2022 was a year that passed by in the blink of an eye as we overcame many challenges as a band.

I don't think this is limited to just us, but this past year made me realize how precious each and every live show is, and that we could not have achieved this without the cooperation of all our fans.

The fact that we were able to complete our tours and events last year is thanks to everyone who continued to support us, even under the new normal of wearing masks and being unable to cheer out loud.

I believe that the feeling of moving forward over the past year is shared by more than just me, and I trust that we can reclaim the intense atmosphere and wonderful sights of live shows. I look forward to running through this year with everyone as well!

I hope 2023 will be a wonderful year for all of you. Thank you for your continued support this year.

Uruha blog 2022.07.15 - "COUNT "DECEM" Nakano Sunplaza Hall"

Thank you for the final Nakano performance of the "MASS Tour 01".

I'm happy that we were able to inform everyone about various future activities, including the FC event and "02".

As we move forward into 2022, which is still our 20th anniversary, I hope everyone will witness how this year will unfold and be part of events and tours that everyone can truly enjoy.

This "MASS Tour 01 COUNT DECEM" tour, which concluded in Nakano, was a really good tour for me. I felt a sense of liberation and motivation, and I was able to approach each performance with a clear mind.

Starting with last year's DEMONSTRATION EXPERIMENT tour, I finally felt like we were able to literally embody the entirety of MASS. Each song's potential in live performances captivated me, and with every show on the tour, it became a source of enjoyment and excitement that built up within me.

That’s why today’s Nakano performance was particularly frustrating for me. I felt my own immaturity in not being able to adapt quickly to the unexpected developments, and I deeply regret it. I truly apologize to both my band members and all the fans.

Moreover, during "UGLY," I injured my back, and I apologize again for my awkward performance on stage afterwards.

Ending in such a clumsy and uncool manner at the very end might be typical of me, but I will continue to give my all without giving up, so please continue to support us!

Uruha blog 2022.03.26 - "New beginning…"

I've started Twitter and Instagram.

I hope to liven up our 20th anniversary year even just a little, so please support us!

Twitter▷https://twitter.com/uruha_gazette__

Instagram▷https://www.instagram.com/uruha_thegazette__/

Uruha blog 2022.03.14 - "NEW PICK!!"

We have decided to release the new picks that were specially made for the recent 20th anniversary performance for a limited time.

I wanted to throw them to everyone at the live show as usual, but given the current situation, that's not possible. So for those who usually use picks, please take this opportunity to get one.

These picks now come with a non-slip grip, so I recommend them for those who, like me, have trouble with hand sweat making them slippery!

Uruha blog 2022.03.12 - "Thank you for your hard work."

Thank you for your hard work on the 20th anniversary performance.

Although some time has passed, I still feel the lingering sensation of the live show.

The feeling I experienced at that live show was more pleasant than ever before.

Even without the special emotions tied to the 20th anniversary, the sound during the entire process, from instrument checks to sound checks and rehearsals, resonated comfortably in that space.

In trying to convey that feeling to everyone with all my might, I was able to reaffirm what live performances mean to me, and I also felt a forgotten sense come back to life.

Although it was a live show commemorating our 20th anniversary, it was a precious performance that provided undeniable opportunities for growth in various aspects.

And soon, 'LIVE TOUR 2022 -MASS- / PHASE 01-COUNT “DECEM”' will begin.

The 20th-anniversary live allowed me to refine the fundamental feeling that I want to carry into this tour as well. It was the best!

It’s been a while since our last tour, but let’s rush forward in pursuit of the best sights again!

Uruha blog 2022.01.31 - "Towards the 20th"

Greetings, everyone.

Before we know it, January has flown by. How have you been?

I’ve been steadily preparing for the Yoyogi performance. I believe we’ve put together something that everyone will enjoy. Personally, I’ve been reworking the sound overall, so I’m excited to approach some of our older songs in a slightly different way.

It might be a minor difference from the audience’s perspective, but I hope even those small details will come across.

I can hardly wait to see everyone on the Yoyogi stage in just a little while. Until then, please take care of yourselves.

Uruha blog 2022.01.02 - "2022"

Happy New Year, everyone.

Last year was an important year for the band, as if the hands of a stopped clock had started moving again.

This year, 2022, I hope the clock will not stop again. I want to unleash all the energy that has been building up through live performances with everyone, and I want to savor the milestone of 20 years with all of you. With these various feelings in mind, I plan to start the year running, so I look forward to your continued support throughout this year!

Uruha blog 2021.12.26 - "Tokyo Garden Theater"

As announced at the recent Garden Theater live, our 20th anniversary performance next year has been confirmed for Yoyogi National Gymnasium!

I wasn’t able to convey it very well during the closing moments due to being a bit scattered, but I intended to express how much we have been supported by our fans over the past 20 years.

In my case, I often refer to feedback from fans through emails and letters. By pointing out aspects that I might not notice myself—both the good and the bad—I believe we’ve grown significantly over these 20 years.

I think both I and the band have been shaped by what we’ve built together with our fans, so I want to express my gratitude once again.

I hope that we can continue to support each other and walk this path together without changing.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

Uruha blog 2021.12.23 - "Today, the rescheduled Tokyo performance!"

Good morning.

Today is finally the rescheduled day—the last live show of the year.

Thank you for your support, everyone!

Uruha blog 2021.11.14 - "Rescheduled Performance Confirmed"

Recently, the rescheduled performance at Tokyo Garden Theater has been set for December 23.

We understand that this has caused concern for many, and we appreciate your understanding of the need to reschedule.

We sincerely apologize to those who cannot attend due to the change. We are grateful for the opportunity to perform on stage again before the end of the year and will do our utmost to ensure we are fully prepared. Thank you for your continued support!

Uruha blog 2021.11.01 - "To all our fans"

We regret to inform you of the cancellation of today's scheduled performance at Tokyo Garden Theater.

We deeply apologize for the inconvenience caused to all the fans who were looking forward to the event, those who had to adjust their plans suddenly, and those who had made special arrangements to come from afar.

We promise to do our utmost to return to you all in perfect condition as a band of five and to continue bringing smiles and dreams to everyone as the GazettE.

Once again, we apologize for the concern and inconvenience this may have caused.

Uruha blog 2021.10.19 - "Aichi Arts Center"

Thank you, Nagoya!

Following Osaka, we were able to hold this second performance in Nagoya thanks to everyone's thorough infection prevention measures and cooperation.

As Ruki mentioned multiple times during the MC, I felt a deep sense of gratitude, and standing on that stage didn't feel like an ordinary event; every moment felt like a miracle.

We and all of you are the only ones who can protect this place.

Because of the circumstances we have gone through, this feeling strikes even stronger and deeper in my heart. Even though this tour has fewer shows, each one leaves a profound impact.

There’s only Tokyo left, but feeling the passionate energy in Nagoya today, I want to bring everything we've gained from these two performances to the Tokyo show. So let's make it great together! Thank you!

Uruha blog 2021.09.27 - "Osaka Orix Theater"

The first live show in two years and the opening night at Osaka Orix Theater—great job, everyone!

As all the members mentioned, I was really nervous too. Even with the best preparations, you can't fully grasp the atmosphere and tension of a live show until you're actually there. But that very tension is the proof of our existence that we crave from live performances, which made me feel incredibly alive.

More than anything, I could feel the unspoken emotions, the feelings towards the band, and the overflowing sentiments pouring down on the stage. Even for those who couldn't make it, I'm sure they shared the same feelings without a doubt.

Every single live show from now on feels like a miracle, and today was a precious reminder of that. There's a bit of a break until the next show in Nagoya, so everyone, make sure to recharge. As for me, I'm feeling completely sore the day after the show. Haha.

Uruha blog 2021.09.25 - "To Osaka…"

Tomorrow is finally our first live show in two years.

There's no doubt that we've been eagerly waiting to break the long silence.

So many emotions have swirled within me leading up to this point, and it feels like this journey can't be summed up as just a two-year hiatus.

In times like these, it's essential to simply follow the emotion of "enjoyment," and ultimately, that's where we always end up. I've come to realize that standing on that stage to enjoy myself is a truth for me.

Tomorrow, I want to fully enjoy and cherish the important space we will share together.

Uruha blog 2021.07.26 - "BLINDING HOPE"

We finally announced our live shows.

I fully understand that this announcement is made amidst a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions. Personally, I have no hesitation and am completely focused on the live shows, but I can't ignore the reality that there are many uncertainties when it comes to the current global situation. This reality weighs heavily on me.

In such circumstances, rather than just "believing and moving forward," we've decided to start exploring a new way of conducting live shows with thorough infection prevention measures, guidelines, and self-protection strategies. This approach has led us to make this announcement as our way of "moving forward."

There are still many unclear aspects around the world, with various information causing confusion. Honestly, I can't deny the possibility that I've been swayed by online information, struggling to discern the truth amidst the chaos.

However, what we've truly understood over this approximately year and a half of the pandemic is that we are still supported by our fans and the people around us. This fundamental realization is something that Ruki has thoughtfully detailed on Instagram, so please check it out.

What we can and should do is convey our feelings to the fans. Even if, hypothetically speaking, our existence during this pandemic causes harm, I believe we can be a source of strength to overcome it.

We don't know how the concept of live shows will evolve or where it will head, but as long as our fans continue to support us, we won't stop. This is the only certain thing in this uncertain pandemic, and we want to keep this in mind as we embark on this tour.

Please don't overextend yourselves. Ensure you're in perfect health to fully enjoy the shows.

Hoping that this marks a new beginning...!

Uruha blog 2021.07.25 - "“MASS” Online Event"

Today, we had our first online event in about a month. I was so happy to reconnect with everyone overseas! Did you all enjoy the event?

Thank you for participating in today’s online event. I was worried that I would have the opportunity to interact with everyone overseas after the pandemic, but it was a precious day that I was able to achieve it today. See you next time in live concert, thank you.

Uruha blog 2021.06.21 - "Day 2"

Thank you to everyone who participated in the second day of our online event!

Even though it was the second time, there were still moments where it might have been difficult to grasp the atmosphere. If you were able to enjoy the space even a little, I’m happy about that.

I believe there are still aspects that are developing, but I’m confident that as these types of events become more refined, they will provide even better opportunities to deepen our connection with fans.

Overall, over these two days, what made me happiest was being able to confirm each other's presence through the thoughts and feelings everyone shared with us. I think that’s something we’ve all been looking forward to.

So, to those who participated and to those who couldn't make it this time, your feelings were definitely received!

Thank you very much!!

Uruha blog 2021.06.20 - "First Day"

To everyone who participated in the online autograph session and talk event, thank you for your efforts!

Although it was indirect, I think it was a valuable event where we could communicate with everyone after a long time.

Given the nature of the event, I understand that some of you had to wait a considerable amount of time for your turn to get a signature, and I really appreciate your patience!

Although it was a bit different from our usual events, I hope it became an enjoyable and memorable experience for you. I also know that many of you couldn't participate, but I hope our gratitude reaches all of our supporters. Let's do our best again tomorrow!

Uruha blog 2021.06.10 - "Thank you!"

Thank you all for the messages!

Looking back, it’s hard to believe a whole year has passed since my last birthday.

This past year with COVID-19 felt incredibly long, yet looking back, it also feels short. Maybe it’s because the uncertainty of the future made time feel longer, while the lack of activity made it feel shorter.

However, with the recent release of "MASS," I believe it marks the first step towards escaping this dark era. I truly hope this will be a year where we can move forward and look ahead.

Next year, I hope to be able to deliver an even more positive message than now! I'll do my best.

Thank you!

Uruha blog 2021.05.26 - "DAY-3"

Thank you all for the past three days!

It was great to watch "Dai-Kyu" again after a long time. The last song "UNFINISHED" was pretty intense.

Watching the live footage while reading everyone's comments was so much fun! Haha

During the "MASS" tour, I want to create an even better live experience with everyone!

Today was packed with events: the release day of "MASS," the last day of "YouTube Live," and soon it will be Reita's birthday, making it a very memorable album release day.

I hope we can share this space with everyone again soon. Thank you for the past three days!

Uruha blog 2021.05.25 - "DAY-2"

"Gudon" felt a bit embarrassing. Haha.

Great job, everyone! Tomorrow is finally the release day of "MASS," but don't miss out on "Dai-Kyu" either!!

Uruha blog 2021.05.24 - "YouTube LIVE DAY-1"

"Shikkoku" brought back memories. Great job! See you again tomorrow!

Uruha blog 2021.05.22 - "Today"

Today was the recording day for RADIO JACK, and this time I recorded with Ruki.

And, this year too...

I was celebrated on my birthday!!!!

Wow, I'm so grateful! I also received many birthday messages from everyone.

Even in these times, I am truly grateful to the fans who haven’t forgotten about me.

There is no doubt that your presence is what sustains me in living now.

I really hope the day comes soon when we can hold a live performance.

And, finally, the new album "MASS" is about to be released in just a few days.

I personally believe that music exists to be enjoyed, and I think "MASS" is a work packed with information that stems from the feeling of enjoyment.

However, much of it cannot be explained, and explaining it seems almost meaningless; it provides an impact that both the creators and the listeners feel equally.

What I want to say is that, even we, the creators, are delighted that it turned out to be such an enjoyable work. This might be an arrogant thing to say, but it’s the broad-mindedness of the fans who share this sentiment that saves us, allowing us to celebrate the release of the album "MASS"... In other words, it all comes down to a simple "thank you!"

We are waiting for the day when we can deliver our heartfelt "thank you" to everyone to the fullest. For now, we are just patiently waiting for that moment.

So, please look forward to the new album "MASS."

Uruha blog 2021.01.29

Finally, the time has come...! Let's hope that everything starts moving from here!

Please look forward to it.

Uruha blog 2021.01.02 - "2021"

Happy New Year, everyone.

Last year, we couldn’t say that we were able to see each other enough to say we were in your care in 2020.

I can’t help but hope that this situation will improve, even just a little, this year.

Until the time comes when we can meet at live shows, please take good care of your health, strictly follow infection prevention measures, and let’s all work together to make this a year that won't be defeated by COVID-19.

Thank you for your continued support this year.

Uruha blog 2020.10.28 - "Happy Birthday, Kai!"

I realized that I have stopped updating for over three months.

I apologize... I’ve been focusing a bit on production, but I hope to update with my recent activities as timing permits.

And today is our leader’s birthday, so I decided to make an update.

Once again, happy birthday, Kai.

His leadership and passion for the band have been a great force in overcoming various difficulties the band has faced and he has played a crucial role in supporting and uniting the members.

Without him, the GazettE wouldn’t exist as it does today. With respect to such a wonderful leader.

[contritecactite]

As ever, it takes the tiniest hint of encouragement (thanks @grimboigio ) to goad me into generating a wall of text. Well, actually, the wall was already there. Big big Hades II spoilers below in the form of messy half-baked notes I've been jotting down as I play. Some are just things that I got excited about, but there's a tiny sliver or two of theories and expectations.

I think we're headed for no happy ending, just acceptance—the battle is against Chronos, but it's really about *time* as a concept; for these gods, time really did take its toll and change the way mortals relate to them. Supergiant will never make another sequel for the same reason: things belong in their own time.

The lycaons *could* just be heralding Cerberus, but they somehow give me a sense of the trappings of Roman the Empire creeping in (in an intentional, storytelling way). Same with the emptiness of Ephyra and the hints of war in the mortal aspect. It feels like this is the fall of the cultures we now call "ancient Greece" as told through the eyes of the gods who get left behind or changed.

Apollo is giving me traitor vibes. He had a line about how we "have all the time in the world," and there's just something too carefree about him.

This feels like a lovely little patchwork quilt of Supergiant games. Homer is more reactive like the Bastion narrator. The music, the social bonding opportunities, and the inventory and lore screens feel a bit like Pyre. Some upgrade systems remind me of Transistor, and the mood reminds me very much of it as well. The writing and combat are still very Hades, and there are new aspects that speak of a team that has taken the time to understand what works, what doesn't, and what improvement and innovation should look like within their existing framework.

Echo's whole thing is fucking clever. Those gifts: Either repeats or diminishing returns—just like an echo. Holy fucking shit the way I vibrated when I met Echo the first time.

I love my randomly assigned college roommate who never goes to her classes and moves all my shit for no reason (Dora). If she were my actual roommate, I would feel a very different way about this.

Eris is perfect. I love her being mean-spirited mischief rather than brute force or accidental mischief; it feels like a unique character composition. She's awful. I can't stand her. She's perfect. She also reminds me of Spoiler from Pixie Tricks, a series I read as a kid (both in personality and, vaguely, design).

Nemesis and Artemis sound like they have a no-strings on-again off-again kind of thing going on and I love that for them. Also hope Charon and Hermes get to see each other again soon bc I'm rooting for them so hard.

I literally shrieked when taking out one of the sirens *actually impacted their contribution to the song*. I shouldn't have been surprised, but it was so much fun to hear it happen anyway. Very immersive! I'm also in love with Scylla. She reminds me very specifically of Ryan Stiles' Carol Channing impression and a little of Dolly Parton. Also. Her fucking hood. Jesus.

One of my favorite things about Hades is that there was nothing that an enemy or boss could do that you couldn't do through some combination of boons, weapons, and upgrades. The same seems to hold true here so far, and I just can't say enough how *cool* that is. The worst part of any combat-heavy game to me is the realization that the boss or even the cutscene of your character can do things that you, the player, can't initiate or control during a regular battle. Hades says "yeah, fuck that. It'll look different when you do it vs. when that sea serpent does it, but you can accomplish the same action/effect." Likewise, there's practically nothing your character can do that isn't also usable by at least one enemy. That keeps things balanced and combats the sense of "ah yes, you are the Most Special Chosen One" that's often inherent to RPGs. It gives the sense that skill matters a lot and makes me as a player feel skilled—I'm not visually doing anything that my enemies can't do, so... maybe I'm actually kinda good at this? (I am mediocre at best, but the game lets me *feel* skilled).

Additionally, just as in Hades, the enemies in an area are very informative about how upcoming bosses will behave. It rewards a player for paying attention and makes each enemy populating an area make *sense*.

After beating the sirens, ALL I wanted was for Melinoë to be able to have one single fan among the shades like Zagreus in the Theseus map. What I got was even *better*; the same type of interaction, but in a way that takes into account *her* task-focused, serious personality while still giving a little bit of levity. She is *done* with being here and ready for everyone to clear out, and that grumpy shade is not having it. He even makes a new little face! Love you, purple shade in the corner.

Oh, hey, charybdis, there you are

THE 2 IS IN *ROMAN* NUMERALS I'm having a moment

yeah that's it that's what I got. For now. My gaming buddy keeps falling asleep when I try to gush and talk through things, so Tumblr gets it instead.

[batw1nggg]

Hi!

If you could rewrite dr3 how would you write it?

Ahhhh . the age old question

im not gonna touch future arc because i genuinely believe it cannot be saved but i will say that despair arc had plenty going for it. the framework is really good i love the part where they expand on twilight syndrome murder case and i love how they frame hajime signing up for the project as all these little events adding up. the kamukoma gun scene. the komaeda bomb subplot ate up it gave him just enough screen time without being too much. ofc i love the izuru characterization scenes. the student council killing scene is one of the only scenes in dr that still creeps me out. i love how they open with happy 77b bonding but then everything spirals out of control and the whole anime has a sense of impending doom to it.

all of this is great its just a matter of there being More of it. despair arc deserved more than 10 episodes imo. it did alright with the budget it was given but the brainwashing plot (everyone in the crowd begins to groan) (STAY WITH ME STAY WITH ME HERE) wouldve been a fine and maybe even good plot had they just. extended it.

before we get into the brainwashing plot im gonna discuss a smaller but also big issue - the hinanami kamukura project retcon. chiaki should NOT have been even REMOTELY a factor in hajime signing up for the project. the point is that he does it for HIMSELF. taps the sign chiaki shouldve been her own fleshed out character her biggest downfall is that her sole purpose is to spur on hajimes character development points at izuru crying scene points at the trial 6 chiaki scene points at the kamukura project retcon poin

now that that is cleared up. this isnt the first time the topic of a dr3 rewrite has come up on this blog and ive had issues with scrapping the brainwashing plot brought up to me, the biggest of which would be it would make putting them in the simulation unethical. if theyre brainwashed the team can go ahead and make the decision for them because they cant consciously make it themselves — but if they ARE fully conscious of their actions and do NOT consent to being put in a potential death trap (even one built with good intentions) then its just. Wrong. putting them in there to reverse the brainwashing is fine, but putting them in there because. just because they are seen as bad people that need rehabilitation? its kinda like those news articles u see that are like Scientists found a way for a prisoner to mentally serve 100 years in just 1 real life minute!

however leaning into this could pose a very interesting moral question, because both munakata and makoto’s solutions to the problem would be unethical, its just the matter of which is better. theres no clear answer. im sure in the canon makoto already feels some degree of responsibility for the killing game, but if we take away the brainwashing plot we REMOVE the comfort of saying “oh well they werent conscious of their actions so its fine that i made the decision for them because this was the only way to reverse the brainwashing” its not as black and white

i have a scene in my head to replace the brainwashing one that ive been playing with where its essentially just the og scene but. longer. theyre trapped in that trial room the only light source being the tv screens theyre watching chiaki be tortured on no food no water for. a week. two weeks i havent decided yet. and then i was thinking about chisa also being tortured so you have the two people that bring the class together dying in front of everyones eyes (also endlessly torturing only one person that long is going to kill them. taking turns with two would extend the amt of time). and after a couple of days of torture junko like forces chisa and chiaki to talk to the class about how great despair is or whatever and in their grieving and desperation to honor their last words everyone turns to despair

HOWEVER the canon realllyyyyyy wanted to paint makoto as ultimate hope good boy munakata WRONG, so. unless we want to change a lottttt of writing we gotta keep the brainwashing. i know i know.

i dont like the idea of junko personally manipulating everyone mikan style either. its too much of her time invested to a class she doesnt care about. she cares about torturing HER class because thats the one shes attached to she couldnt give less of a fuck about 77b

but she also is not LAZY about her despair. shes dramatic like. there was no reason for her to kill chiaki that was literally just for Flare. so i think it isnt unreasonable to find some midpoint between not having her manipulate EVERYONE but have her personally target maybe a couple of people for no longer than one brief scene each, and once shes infiltrated maybe 3 or 4 people Then she lets it spread. or she doesnt let it spread and the 3 or 4 ppl she did manipulate personally serve as lackeys to manipulate the group into falling for junkos brainwashing trap or something. as for who shed target, probably the most dangerous yet most clearly emotionally vulnerable ones komaeda peko etc

i would also try to fit in some of the atrocities they commit into the anime SOMEWHERE. could be in future arc could be as an extension of despair arc. no idea how id fit this in here i just think its important to do some tragedy era worldbuilding (udg tried to do this but failed. because udg sucks)

and also in the bit where chisa gets Banished over to teach at the reserve course. i think it wouldve been cool if she was hajimes teacher and also we saw a little bit of her reaction as a former main course student to the mistreatment of the reserve course students. i wish they wouldve played w that

oh also take away the despaircest. Please . and if we do decide to keep it (which i think junko incestually abusing mukuro could explain mukuros loyalty and have some genuine weight had it been handled right) we gotta explore it without fetishizing it and making it into a weird gag .

ok thats all i got right now i know this isnt a rewrite its mostly just a lot of critiques and disconnected ideas but. ill flesh out all of my concepts One Day.

[vraisetzen]

I just read ‘Notte Stellata’ and I honestly think it’s one of the best fan fictions that I’ve ever read. It’s so brilliantly written.

I think you have a real gift when it comes to writing. You’re fantastic at plotting — you know how to pace your stories and just when to permeate them with the most thought-provoking of imagery. Your imagery, crucially, is not overwrought, but rather very well timed.

The way you characterised Kokushibo is absolutely brilliant. Your writing retains the essence of his character while building upon it, endowing him with even more depth and making him even more interesting. You made me fall in love with his character and now I will definitely look at him in a new light. He’s an extremely compelling deuteragonist.

I have to mention that I really think you’ve managed to capture the spirit of ‘Demon Slayer’ in your work. This story believably and seamlessly slots into the broader framework of ‘Demon Slayer’. Not only did you nail down Kokushibo, but also all of the other characters who made their appearance in ‘Notte Stellata’, most prominently Tengen and his wives, Kagaya, Shinobu and Douma.

I think the way in which you have crafted the dynamic between Kokushibo and his dearest is incredibly compelling. It’s deeply romantic and I wholeheartedly adore it.

I really enjoyed reading this story and thinking about it. Thank you for sharing it with us.

(I am not sure if you are planning on sharing more stories, but if you do, I’d be delighted to read more. I by no means want to pressure you — rather, I want to express how much I admire the way in which you crafted this story and how I would absolutely love to read more stories written by you.)

Gosh, thank you so much for your lovely words, and for reaching out to me here on Tumblr!

I am so chuffed that you enjoyed Notte Stellata – I had the most wonderful time planning and writing it, and I'm so happy to hear that you found the imagery and my interpretation of Kokushibo compelling! He is my favourite character from KnY, and I feel that there is so much about him that we never truly learn outside of what we know. In his past life, he was a husband and a father, and I wanted to tease out that part of him and recontextualise it as a demon who had spent centuries harbouring so much darkness in his heart.

Likewise, I'm also very glad to know that you enjoyed the smaller vignettes with Tengen, his wives, Shinobu, Ubuyashiki, and Douma! It was important to me that the Reader had someone on whom she can rely, and Uzui seemed the most natural as someone who was quite extroverted but also very personable; and Shinobu as another female Hashira, albeit with a different motivation and morality.

Speaking of the Reader, I'm very pleased that her romance with Kokushibo resonated with you! To be frank, there were parts where I wondered if their relationship was a little unhealthy, but I would like to think I rooted very hard for them to figure out their own insecurities and darkness, and to overcome them together. The struggle, and the sweetness at the end of it, is what makes their relationship so rewarding, in my opinion!

And I definitely would be open to writing more in future! I actually have another KnY fic in the works, and I shan't reveal any more than what I can promise, haha. It wouldn't be as smutty as Notte Stellata, for sure and it will be a Muzan-centric one – frankly, I'm not sure if the story will gain much traction because of that, it is a story I have wanted to tell for a long time. Kokushibo will, however, occupy a very central place in my KnY heart, and from time to time I will write drabbles for him on Tumblr!

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read my work, and for reaching out with this very thoughtful review!

xoxo, V ♥️

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: KinnPorsche, and Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist Edition (Part 1)

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, in a two-part series, I offer my thoughts on KinnPorsche, my very first Thai BL, and the impact that I think KP has had on the Thai BL industry since 2022.]

Hot damn! It has been a MINUTE since my last OGMMTVC review, so I'm glad to be back. I've been very much looking forward to writing my thoughts about my recent KinnPorsche rewatch: I enjoyed this ENTIRE process, especially in regards to watching KinnPorsche in the context and chronology of past Thai BLs, and man, did I ever see KP WAYYYYY differently than the first time I watched it.

Why's that? Welp -- *KinnPorsche was my first-ever Thai BL*. (Not my first BL drama ever; that award goes to the GOAT, Kinou Nani Tabeta?/What Did You Eat Yesterday?)

But when I joined Tumblr officially in July 2022, just about a year and a half ago (in the heat of passionately obsessing over Old Fashion Cupcake), my dash was awash, AWASH, in KP posts. AWASH.

I had no idea what the fuck the algorithm was telling me.

I went into KinnPorsche knowing absolutely NOTHING about Thai BL tropes, the history of the genre, the actors in the roles, what made KP so innovative by way of its storyline, NADA. Dudes -- I'm half-Malaysian, and I had never even watched a show from the Southeast Asian region, let alone Thailand, and I was unaware of how prolific the Thai drama industry was (at least compared to the Korean drama machine).

When I first watched KinnPorsche, my perspective was that I had watched a pretty good show, and I was left surprised back then in particular by the No Homophobia Bubble (well, almost no homophobia, Big) that I now know is so much more common in Thai BLs than I realized.

It was through KinnPorsche that I discovered Thai BLs, and it was subsequently through Bad Buddy that I realized that I NEEDED to understand the development of this national genre -- so back to the history annals I went, through my OGMMTVC project, starting from 2014's Love Sick, and here we are at this moment of the timeline, the hot hot late spring and summer of 2022, enjoying the ✨vibbbeeezz✨ between Mile Phakphum and Apo Nattawin, and leaving me wondering why there was a national shirt button shortage in the midst of a Thai mafia crime drama. I'm glad I have history on my side now as I think about KinnPorsche as a standalone drama, and as I also think about the impact it has had on the Thai BL genre and fandoms prior to its premiere, up to today's moment in time.

I took my time to draft this piece partly because I was busy watching Be On Cloud's second and latest serial drama in Dead Friend Forever. I think BOC is doing something very interesting by way of their acting and contracted scripting choices, which I want to ponder by way of the context and aftermath of KP's airing. As such, while I had intended to write just one post about KP, I have a bunch of thoughts that'll spill over to tomorrow. So here we go, a quick overall outline for the lovers for today and tomorrow on my ruminating thoughts:

1) My critical thoughts on KinnPorsche as a standalone drama in the context of the history of previous Thai BLs, 2) My thoughts on how new arrivals to the wider Thai BL fandom shaped the perception of KP vis à vis older Thai BLs, 3) How I think KP has impacted how other studios approach, market, and write Thai BLs now, and 4) A quick passing thought on BOC's own continued influence on the Thai BL genre and industry since 2022, particularly by way of Dead Friend Forever.

I'm going to concentrate on numbers 1 and 2 in this piece, and they're actually going to be a touch conflated, because I want to lean into a now-obvious fact that the BL Elder community knew all along about KP when it first aired in 2022: there was not much that was new about what KinnPorsche was doing. (This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I’ll get into below.)

When I was a newbie on Tumblr, and the algorithm was feeding my dash, I remember seeing posts about how Be On Cloud, the studio behind KP, was doing things differently than the rest of the Thai BL field -- I recall posts about the studio hiring the best acting coaches, how the cinematography was nothing like what we had seen in other shows, and how Be On Cloud was committed to creating safe environments for its actors, particularly Apo Nattawin, who had reportedly faced discrimination in his past acting career, reportedly leading him to leave the Thai drama industry for a number of years.

While some very early Thai BL studios were known to not have the safest or friendliest environments (the filming of What The Duck comes to mind by way of this lore), by the time of KP's airing, GMMTV had strongly established itself as the leader of Thai BL productions, and other players, including New Siwaj and Cheewin Thanamin, had produced quite the number of dramas under each of their respective studio outfits. The industry, by 2020 and 2021, when KP was in its development origins, wasn't new anymore. Acting coaches, such as Aof Noppharnach, were now also regularly writing, directing, and producing original shows, and major BL studios had introduced workshopping as a regular step to production. On the artistic end, studios and writers had established expected artistic tropes -- 2018's Love By Chance is the first example that comes to my mind of when the Thai BL genre crystallized in a structurally derivative piece of art by way of containing and using prior trope references and dynamics.

Be On Cloud, in picking up the KinnPorsche script from Filmania during the pandemic (I use these posts here and here for my non-primary sources of KP lore) clearly knew it had something innovative on its hands by way of producing the genre's first mafia-based BL romance.

But 2020's Manner of Death had already introduced crime and mystery to BL, and 2021's Not Me continued a multi-genre perspective somewhat successfully around romance. And regarding sex and heat: KinnPorsche didn't do that first, either. MaxTul brought it first in 2017's Together With Me, and MAME has owned this corner since 2018's Love By Chance and 2019's TharnType. (Props to MaxTul for being in both Together With Me and Manner of Death; MileApo owe those dudes some beers.) By way of cinematography, which KP does extremely well: we had already begun seeing prestige cinematography in 2020's I Told Sunset About You, and 2021's I Promised You The Moon and A Tale of Thousand Stars.

It was natural, I think, for much of the KP fandom to think that KP was innovative in a lot of these categories, because, like me -- KP was our first-ever Thai BL. By way of money clearly spent on the show, the directorial purview of the show, the utterly gorgeous cinematography (man, that nighttime pull-away shot when the guys are in the roof pool, oof, why couldn't I find a gif), a new fan might think, geez, this has never been done before! But it had, and not just in Thailand, but for years prior in Japan, and more recently in Korea.

This is ALL not to say that KinnPorsche “suffered” because of what I'm uncovering by way of KP's misunderstood innovation. I think a perception of KP being entirely “new” in the BL field has contributed to its lore and enduring influential status. On this rewatch, I appreciated the mafia-based storyline as a support system to the central KinnPorsche romance. Yok being centered as an important mentor to Porsche, played by the inimitable Sprite Patteerat, was refreshing to see. Porsche accepting his bisexuality, especially with Yok's support, without the typical BL head-spinning queer revelation, was a welcome element to the show. And, frankly -- I had, on my first watch, missed, of course, the clear references to Thai BLs of the past in this show, references that I really loved seeing this time around.

From the old school, we got Kob Songsit, the OG BL dad, no longer Tong's dad in the seminal movie, The Love of Siam, nor Dean's dad in Until We Meet Again. This BL veteran is now a damn dad don, weapons and all.

We've also got Na Naphat, who played important side characters in IPYTM and UWMA. We have former BL lead guys in Jeff Satur and Perth Nakhun. We've got guitars and singing, we have underwater smooching, we have a cute-cute first date. We arguably have questionable kabedon in Kinn's and Porsche's first intimate moments. We have cooking for your lover, we have feeding your lover, we have the towel-drying of the hair. KP, by 2022, keeps up with Idol Factory's Secret Crush On You in prominently featuring a femme-presenting side character in Tankhun, PHENOMENALLY ACTED by Tong Thanayut, who we had seen previously in TharnType.

KP was, in part, directed by Pepzi Banchorn, who served as an assistant director on 2019's Dark Blue Kiss and 2021-22's Bad Buddy, and had a quick guest spot in 2022's The Warp Effect. KP was also, in part, directed by Khom Kongkiat, who played Uncle Tong in Bad Buddy, and subsequently directed The Promise in 2023. AND, finally, one of the KP screenwriters is Bee Pongsate, who has co-written so much flippin' BL: Last Twilight, Bad Buddy, Dangerous Romance (😬), Vice Versa, My School President, A Tale of Thousand Stars, 2gether and Still 2gether, and that's not even scratching the list -- you get it.

KP's supporting cast and crew was simply stacked with BL vets, who clearly knew the scene, and who helped to support Mile Phakphum's rookie acting and Apo Nattawin's return to the screen. I'd posit that this group of people knew EXACTLY what references they were putting into KinnPorsche, from actors to tropes, and also knew when, where, and how to innovate around those references to still make this show unique.

Certainly, KP's approach to sex and heat -- by way of Kinn's and Porsche's first drunken encounters (hi again, MaxTul), the uncut intimate scenes between them, and Vegas's and Pete's union by way of, well, semi-torture and/or kink -- was bold enough to be overall quite notable. But again: Thai BLs had been pushing that envelope for years past, and it has continued to do so in shows like MAME's Love In the Air and GMMTV's Only Friends.

In other words: after this rewatch, with the history of the older Thai BLs I've watched under my belt, I don't see KinnPorsche as firstly innovative. But I appreciate the show differently now, in particular for how very obvious it worked to include past Thai BL references in its production, and I actually gained a different appreciation for it.

I also want to made a quick tangential note about Apo and Tong specifically by way of innovation. Dr. Thomas Baudinette, a long-time BL fan and academic researcher on Thai and Japanese queer media, notes in his book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, that an ideal trajectory for a Thai BL actor is to debut in BLs in order to transition to more popular primetime het Thai dramas, as Gulf Kanuwat of TharnType, and Ohm Thitiwat and Kao Noppakao of UWMA and Lovely Writer, respectively, are notably doing at the moment. Apo Nattawin did this the other way around: he had established his career in het lakorns, most notably in 2015’s major hit drama, Sut Khaen Saen Rak, and subsequently left the Thai drama industry after reportedly being discriminated against for his skin tone and fashion choices. And his way back to the industry was through BLs. Taking the lore of Mile Phakphum recruiting Apo for KP out of the picture for a moment: I think this indicates a shift in how BLs are increasingly perceived in Thailand, and even globally, as being a career-worthy genre of content on its own for actors. (Apo's exploding fashion career is proof of this.) And BOC has now recruited another lakorn vet in Jes Jespipat for its third upcoming drama, 4 Minutes.

As well, Tong Thanayut’s very public coming out after the conclusion of KP’s airing is notable for how Be On Cloud has continued to center Tong in its productions after that fact, most notably in 2023’s film, Man Suang, while other out BL actors are not as lucky by way of guaranteeing and attracting future work.

I have a lot more to say about KinnPorsche's and Be On Cloud's impact on the current Thai BL industry, and how I think that impact has affected the marketing and creation of more recent shows like 2023's Only Friends, and 2023-24's Playboyy. But this first post has gotten long, and I actually haven't written much about the actual show itself, HA. So let me say this:

I think it's notable that the first shows that played around with themes outside of romance, like 2020's Manner of Death, and 2021's Not Me, were not perfect shows. We see now how multi-genre BLs are just exploding, what with Dead Friend Forever and the upcoming slew of vampire BLs that are going to drop (and let's not forget the first omegaverse BL drama in Pit Babe -- or should we forget it, I dunno). Not all of these shows are perfect, but the genre has only been around for a decade. There's a lot of time, and a tremendous amount of interest and funding, that upcoming shows can leverage to become better, especially these multi-genre shows that we're seeing more of.

KinnPorsche as well, was not a perfect show. I have some thoughts particularly on VegasPete to offer tomorrow, and I think, overall, that KP could have easily been a shorter series with more impact.

But I'll still give the show some of its flowers, because I think, unlike MoD and Not Me, that KinnPorsche did a better job of centering the Kinn and Porsche romance for dramatic effect, particularly by leveraging comedy. Were there many moments of hibbly-jibblies? Oh, totally. Dudes, also, Kinn fucking forgot about Pete! Pete coming back to the house and reminiscing about Vegas while holding his neck? Eeeeyikes, no thanx. There were a number of these weird bumps that I think could be explained by way of intentional camp (which I think KP did pretty well), but I do believe the show could have been tighter with more editing.

But, I gotta admit: I had a great time re-watching KP. That says something. Was it the heat that tiddled my dopamine cycles? Probably, somewhat. (No shame in my game.) Or -- a more reasonable theory, ha, is that Apo, as a veteran actor, demonstrated more range than I originally remembered. He can really do comedy well, and he timed his comedy perfectly for the absurdities that peppered KP through the series (the bread crawl, the constant throwing of hands, the jumping-on-Kinn when the ghost of Pete showed up, oh shit we're in the forest now, etc). Apo and Tong, in particular, stayed true to the bit many times during the show, and I think the series benefitted greatly from their collective comedic talent and timing -- which I thought was nicely refreshing for the genre.

With that, I'll have more ruminating tomorrow about the show itself, about how I think the impact that KP and BOC have had on the genre after KP's airing, and other thoughts about the cultural moment that KP demarcated when it aired -- see you tomorrow!

[MORE MORE MORE KP tomorrow! And I'll have more thoughts about the watchlist then. But for now, here's the classic OGMMTVC list for you to chew on!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist

...interrupting the OGMMTVC list here to watch War of Y (2022) (watching) in chronology to decide if it gets listed...

37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows  39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 43 La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 44) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 45) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 46) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 47) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 48) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 49) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 50) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 51) 23.5 (tag here) (2024)]

[eldritch-elrics]

what IS your thesis about? from the list of items im kinda imagining it's something about different communication styles relating to conveying information? (something something gaylor theory and TJLC as conspiracy vs a more authoritative but absurd documentary style with pannenkoek vs fanfiction making fans confuse canon with fanon vs reddit memes as some kind of "you're normal for thinking this"?) like that is an absurdly wide range of Things. what is he cooking ‼️

hehehe omg i did not expect to get multiple asks about this! paging @scatteredcloud and @the-rad-paramecium , who also asked about it.

my thesis is about the 2022 "nier church incident" wherein a user on the nier automata subreddit started posting extremely-credible videos claiming he'd found a new secret area in the game that no one had discovered before, and the fanbase went absolutely insane. i argue that the incident provides an interesting window into a possible religious studies framework for looking at video game secret seeking as a quasi-religious act of communal orientation and meaning-making

it's very fun to read your speculations about how all the stuff i mentioned could fit into it! unfortunately, most of that stuff is just mentioned in 1-2 sentences; the meat of the fun stuff is mostly related to nier automata, shadow of the colossus, or The Bible.

but, as requested, here is how all the silly things fit:

i use pannenkoek's video as an example of fans pushing the boundaries of games to create new mysteries that weren't intended by the developers. this is specifically in my section about how/why video game mysteries affect people emotionally!

gaylor theory & the johnlock conspiracy are both examples of (non-game) fanbases doing theorycrafting. fnaf/matpat is an example of video game fandom theorycrafting. all of these get like, a sentence each in the project

"hollow knight fanfiction" is because i use the hk fic "stag beetles and broken legs" as an example of fans writing fanfic based on fanfic (in the section where i talk about canon-building)

"kirby lore controversies" is also from the part where i talk about canon-building. specifically, i have a whole paragraph about how hard it often is to tell what video game "canon" is, and use kirby as an example of that

sorry there's actually only one reddit meme! the other one is a twitter meme. anyway, the reddit meme is this:

finally, random other fact: probably the funniest social media post ive had to cite is this one

like, it's extremely funny to have a bibliography that sometimes looks like this:

(please ignore the weird capitalization idk why zotero does that)

[trainsinanime]

Dear friends:

If you write code, document it! At least give it an honest try. If I see a new class, somewhat complex, fundamental framework logic, and there’s not a single comment on it, that’s not acceptable. I need, at the very least, an explanation of what the class is for, an idea of how to use it.

E.g. if you have a class named Event, tell me: Is it a synchronization primitive (like a Win32 Event), or a cross-process message (like an Apple NS/UIEvent), or a thing you subscribe to (I think .Net has those and calls them event)? And if I subscribe to it and get a Subscription object back, what does that mean? What am I supposed to do with it? It automatically unsubscribes me when it’s destructed, okay, great, please say so somewhere!

I want to know what this class is that I’m seeing here. What is the logic behind it? If I were to call you on Teams and asked you what this class does, what would you tell me? Put that in a comment above the class, so I don’t have to call you.

Unit Tests are great but they are not a replacement for documentation. For one, they typically have poor readability. Also, they only tell me that you wrote that code on purpose, but still not why. For something that’s supposed to be a glue between different modules, for example, I want to know which methods are supposed to get called by which side, and in a unit test the test code typically does not make that fully clear. Write documentation and unit tests. If you’re surprised that I had to write this paragraph, so am I.

What invariants does the class enforce? Is it thread safe? Does it implement some weird logic to interface with a third-party framework? That’s prime stuff to write into the class, somewhere, so I won’t be confused when I see it.

You don’t have to go overboard if you don’t want to. I can figure out what the parameter to setEnabled(bool enabled) means on my own. And yes, sometimes you’re in a hurry, and sometimes the purpose changes while you’re writing the code as you realize your original idea didn’t work, and sometimes you say “I’ll do it later” and then just forget. I’ve been there. But the basic idea of a piece of code is better expressed in a comment than by making someone read all that code.

You should get into that habit for your one person hobby projects, but you definitely have to do this if you’re part of a big team of professionals in a software development company. If I see a new class here with no comments whatsoever, one that’s supposed to be an interface between different modules and used in lots of places, that’s just not acceptable. I’ll get so angry, I’ll write aggressive Tumblr posts about you and your code. And neither of us want that.