#apologize to your evil murder kitten right now and tell her you love her in which she will not say it back

[trappedinafantasy37]

POV: Minthara watches you as you openly flirt with someone else.

You shiver your timbers as she quickly reminds you of who you belong to and the consequences that will come if you continue to think otherwise as you are sorely mistaken.

[its-r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s]

Call Me A Freak- Chapter 14: The Martyr

Words: 2,089

Warnings: anger and aggression, descriptions of violence and injury, murder, panic attack, physical and mental abuse, suicidal thoughts? (plans?)

Ch 13 | Ch 15

~ ~ ~

Jay forced me down into one of the park benches outside the school.

“How could you?” Jay snapped at me.

I didn’t react. In all honesty, I was a bit numb from the whole experience.

“Jay!” Evie hissed. “Not now.”

“You lost your cool back there,” Jay continued. “You went full out Maleficent on Chad, when you promised you were going to try and be civil until the Coronation.”

I snapped, shoving Jay away from me. “I lost my cool? The only reason I intervened was because you practically had him by the throat, Jay!”

“You instigated a fight with an old woman-”

“I didn’t say a word to her!”

“-you caught the attention of the whole school-”

“She’s the one who yelled!”

“-and you threatened the life of a student!”

“Shut up, Jay!” I screamed.

“Guys!” Carlos tried to interrupt, but it was no use.

“No!” Jay screamed. “All you’ve done this whole week is push away everything that could convince you to go against your mother and I’m sick of it. She’s not all powerful, Mal!”

“She’s my mother-”

“And I’m your best friend!”

It all came tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop it. “Best friend? Ha!” I looked between all three of them. “You three think that we’re friends? You guys are just the deadweight kids of the people my mother is using as her stairs to power! She plans to kill you and your families the MINUTE SHE TAKES OVER!”

Jay faltered. “Excuse me?!”

Carlos stepped between us, breaking our eye contact. Suddenly, I was staring into another’s angry face. “Mal, what are you talking about?” he insisted.

“You’re all fools if you think my mother cares about a single one of you,” I laughed. I looked insane. I felt insane. “She killed all my siblings! I’m the only one left!”

“Oh my-” Evie gasped, but I wasn’t going to let her finish.

“My mother lives for the thought of slowly and painfully killing all of your parents. They drive her crazy!”

“And what about us?” Carlos tried again. “What reason does she have for wanting to kill us?”

“Reason?! She doesn’t need a reason! She’s insane. We’re both insane,” I snarled.

“Mal,” Evie said, softly. “You’re not like your mother. You don’t need to go along with her plans-”

“NOT LIKE MY MOTHER?!” I screeched. “You think I don’t have blood on my hands?! Believe me, I do.”

“What are you talking about?” Jay asked, stepping out from behind Carlos.

“Do you guys remember Gothel’s kid? Michael? He was 2 years younger than us. He went missing in July.”

“Mal-”

“He’s not missing,” I spat. “He’s dead. And I know this, because I was the one who smashed in his brains. I was the one who watched my mother’s goons carry him out, like they have with others, and dump him into the water.”

“Mal.” Evie tried to step forward.

“I KILLED HIM!”

My voice echoed outside the empty school. No one responded for a minute. Then, I heard a soft, “What?”

Behind me was Ben. He looked completely shell shocked when I flipped around to stare at him.

It felt like my heart had just become a center of gravity and the whole world was compressing down on my chest. Why would I say any of that? I had never told anyone before. It was an awful, horrible stain in my humanity that I would never recover from. I could never escape from the memories.

And now it was out in the open. Now Evie and Carlos knew. Now Jay knew. Now Ben knew…

I bolted. I had nowhere to go, but I couldn’t stand there a minute more. I couldn’t look at the horror on my friend’s faces. I couldn’t stand there and admit to Ben what I had just said.

~ ~ ~

Michael screamed out in pain, as I took another swing to his ribs. I did my best not to hit too hard. I couldn’t bring myself to. But anything was torture in his condition.

He deserves to pay for his crimes I tried to tell myself, but there wasn’t any way to convince myself of that. No one deserved this. He was just a kid, trying to survive in a world of thieves and murderers and monsters. Monsters like me.

~ ~ ~

I ended up in a hallway. It was empty. Silent.

I skidded to a stop, tripping over my feet and hitting the ground hard.

I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t go anywhere. I curled into myself. Sobbing. Trying desperately to push old memories away.

~ ~ ~

“Oh, hurry up already and finish the job,” my mother snarled. “Kill him!”

The boy couldn’t even look up at me. He lay almost completely still, a slow, piercing whimper escaping his throat.

“Mother, I can’t-”

“MAL!”

~ ~ ~

“Mal!” Someone was calling me from a distance. “Mal?! Where are you?”

“Mal, it’s us! Please… we just want to help!”

~ ~ ~

“Kill him!”

Beat.

“Kill him!!!”

Beat.

“KILL HIM!!!!!!”

Smash…

You know when you touch something with a strange texture and you hands feel weird? Like they didn’t like it and are trying to expel the feeling?

After hitting Michael across the head, my arms numbed. As if trying to forget the feeling of his skull being crushed underneath the crowbar.

I vaguely recall hitting the ground and watching my vomit mix in with the pools of blood.

I didn’t move a muscle as my mother ordered for the guards to take him away. I didn’t move until my mother lifted me up by my collar, almost like a kitten, and dragged me back inside.

~ ~ ~

Ben lifted me from my shoulders, gently placing me in his lap.

“Mal,” he whispered. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Ben, I’m so sorry,” I gasped.

“She needs to monitor her breathing. Deep breaths,” Evie advised, from behind him.

“It’s okay,” he kept saying. “Breathe with me.”

“I didn’t mean-” I sobbed, “I didn’t mean to-”

“Shh… You’re okay,” he said into the top of my head. “Just keep breathing. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“But-”

“You are not your mother,” he told me. “You aren’t evil. You aren’t a villain. You’re my Mal. And I love you so much.”

~ ~ ~

“Is she going to be okay for tomorrow?” I could hear Jay say quietly.

“She’ll be fine,” Evie reassured. “She just needs a couple of hours to rest. She’s… been through a lot.”

“No kidding,” Carlos mumbled.

I took in a deep breath, then pushed myself up. I was in my bed in the dorm rooms. “I don’t need to rest.”

They all turned to stare at me, wide eyed. Evie and Carlos sat across from one another at the table. Jay was already standing and quickly walked up next to the bed.

“Hey, Mal. How are you feeling?”

“Kinda shitty,” I mumbled.

“I’m so sorry for yelling at you today,” he admitted to me. “I lost it on you.”

“We both did,” I replied, quickly. Jay and I didn’t really do the sappy, heart to heart stuff, but it meant a lot to me that he tried. “We have more important matters at hand right now.”

“Mal, we don’t have to talk about this now. You need to get some more sleep-”

“The Coronation is tomorrow, Evie. There is no time.”

Everyone looked around, waiting to hear what I had to say.

“We are not going to take that wand tomorrow,” I insisted. “And you three are never going back to the island.”

Evie and Jay’s faces lit up. Jay even wrapped his arms around me in excitement. But Carlos picked up on my lack of enthusiasm.

“And you?” he demanded. “You said the three of us would never go back, but what about you, Mal?”

Jay’s muscles tensed around my back and I slowly pushed away.

“That… That depends.”

“On what?” Jay growled.

I looked between them all. “Jay… you asked me yesterday to really think about what makes me happy. And I have… And I thought about you guys. I mean, stealing things doesn’t make you happy. Tourney and victory pizza with the team makes you happy!”

A smile crept onto his face.

“And you,” I said to Carlos, “scratching Dude’s belly makes you happy, who would’ve thought.”

I giggled. A tear slipped down my face.

“And Evie, you are so smart. You amaze me every time you open your mouth.”

She looked about ready to burst into tears.

“And you’re right, Jay. I don’t want to take over the world with evil. It doesn’t make me happy. I want to stay here, with you guys. And with Ben… Because Ben makes me really happy.”

He looked me up and down. “Then what’s the problem?” he asked.

I sighed. It had taken me awhile to come to this conclusion. I was still trying to process my thoughts as I said them aloud to my friends. But I knew in my heart it was the right choice.

“Tomorrow, after the Coronation, I will give Ben the antidote to his spell. And I expect… he’s not going to be happy with me. I’ll come clean about everything, except your involvement. And when it’s over… if he decides to send me back to the Isle, back to my mother, I will go.”

“You can’t!” Evie shot up. “Mal, she’ll kill you!”

I shook my head. “Honestly, I hope she does. There are much worse things I’ve seen her do.”

“We’ll go with you,” Jay decided. “Tell Ben that we were all a part of it. That way we’re all sent back and can protect one another-”

“No! You guys don’t understand. You need to stay here. You need to stay away from your parents and… be happy. There’s no reason for us all to die. In fact, my mother will happily use you three against me. I have to go alone.”

No one argued. There wasn’t anything to argue.

Evie rushed forward and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m so proud of you, Mal,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face. “You are so brave.”

“Let me in.” Carlos got up and pushed his way into our arms, joining the hug.

Once the three of us were settled, we looked at Jay.

“Please no,” he grumbled, but Evie grabbed his arm and pulled him in with us.

There was silence for a beat or two. Just the four of us, with our arms wrapped around one another, heads down.

“It’s not fair,” Carlos said. “You’ve spent your whole life being tortured by Maleficent and now, you have to be the martyr who stops her grand plan.”

Jay squeezed me closer to him in the hug. “Don’t worry. If Ben sends you back there tomorrow, I promise I’ll kill him for you.”

We all laughed.

Finally, we slowly pulled apart from one another.

“I actually have a surprise for you, Mal,” Evie confided.

I raised an eyebrow. “A surprise?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, a grin on her face. It was somewhat distorted by her tears, but it was happy nonetheless. “I’ve been working on something for you. For the Coronation.”

She shuffled back to her closet, pulling out a long, lavender dress.

“Oh, Evie,” I started, but she shushed me.

“Come take a look.”

She held it up and I started to touch it, identifying the separate pieces. The skirt was long and ruffled. It had a short train, which was scrunched up on the floor at her feet.

There wasn’t much in the way of sleeves and the collar was high, haloing my neck just like my mother’s did on her cape.

“Evie, it’s so beautiful,” I told her.

“It gets better,” she said, with a smirk. She then, flipped it around, giving me a look at the wide open back.

“Oh no,” I muttered. “Evie, I can’t wear this.”

“Of course you can!” she prompted.

I shook my head wildly. “Evie, my scars! My burns! Everyone will be able to see them.”

“That’s the point,” Carlos admitted, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to look at it as well. “Think of the statement you’ll be making! About what kids have to face on the Isle all the time! Anyone who has a single doubt about Ben’s proclamation will have to eat their words when they see you walk with the new king, proudly displaying your past pain.”

I chuckled. “My current pain,” I half-joked.

“So, you’ll wear it?” Evie asked, bouncing with excitement.

I nodded. “Yes, Evie. I’d be honored to wear it.”

[imagineyourstars]

can i please request chiaki, mika, kaoru, and adonis where their small and usually sweet and affectionate s/o sticks up for them because another person is making fun of them? and the s/o just roasts and threatens them and is overall very intimidating to the bully? thank you!

i’ll take that as afollow up to that previous request we got, about ra*bits’ s/ostanding up to them ! aaaah what a cute request ♥ - mod mademoiselle

Chiaki :

Chiaki sometimeskind of loses himself in his “hero of justice” fantasies,and you’re used to it. After all, that’s how you like him ! He can beso considerate of people around him, too : you think that’s a lovelytrait.

Whenever you goout, he always loses focus on the date and instead sets himself amission, often ranging from rescuing kittens stuck in trees tocatching a pickpocket in order to give her purse back to that niceelderly lady. To be honest, your dates kind of feel like being thesecondary character of a tokusatsu show. And you love it !

That one time,things didn’t quite go as smoothly. As you were coming back from adate at the arcade together, you stumbled upon a group of guys aroundyour age who seemed to be violently bickering and threatening anotherguy. That looked dangerous, and as much as you wanted to just go away quickly, Chiaki insisted to intervene before things go awry.

Turns out it wasjust a fight like many others, and the guys weren’t exactly happy tosee your boyfriend barging in and trying to push them to “begood friends with each other”. Fortunately they were moreannoyed than angry, but they did take their frustration out onChiaki. They insulted him, pushing him around and threatening him.Chiaki was still acting calm and resolute (Ryusei Red was inhabitinghis body after all), but you could see he didn’t feel really at ease.The hero of justice never really had enemies, aside from the treesthe cats get stuck in…

You couldn’t standit and jumped to your boyfriend’s rescue. He never did anythingwrong, far from it, and that bunch of losers wanted to take theiranger out on him ? Fine. You’d take yours on them. They were sosurprised to see the sweet person hiding behind Chiaki step up andstart roasting them, they just stared at you, eyes wide.

They didn’t evenanswer when you started threatening them : judging by your murderousexpression, you were 100% serious and that was not a fight theywanted to get in. It’s much easier when it’s just intimidating randompasserbys who quickly go away, after all.

When you were done,they just silently walked away, looking a bit pissed. Chiaki didn’tanswer when you asked him if he was okay, instead just taking yourhand and bringing you back home. He was deep in thought. You acted socool and passionate when he was there, feeling lost and not reallyknowing how to react.

Turns out he wasactually really impressed and started suggesting you become the sixthmember of Ryuseitai, even stating he had a Ryusei Pink costume readyfor you. Apparently, you have what it takes to become a hero ofjustice and join his fight against evil. You’re not sure about thatlast part, but you’re happy you got to help your hammy and overlytheatric boyfriend.

Kaoru :

Smooth, flirty,handsome. That’s what Kaoru tries to be around you. He never fails tofind new ways to surprise you, even though he’s been your boyfriendfor a while now. That includes taking you on lovely dates in spotsyou never heard about.

That one time wasat a really classy restaurant. The food was amazing and theatmosphere too, and you were still laughing and chatting with Kaoru,walking hand in hand with him. It was getting really late, and he wasescorting you back home, as the gentleman he is. That’s when the wolfwhistles started.

A group ofseemingly drunk guys were catcalling you. You were already walkingaway, but Kaoru gently let go of your hands, getting ready to facethe rude guys with a suave attitude. “Gentlemen, this beautyhere is already taken.”  They didn’t really need more to starthowling in laughter. One of them started to shout. “Hey, aren’tyou that guy who’s always with someone different ? This one’s way toogood for a bastard like you.”

Kaoru wasn’tpleased at this and started arguing with them (yes, in the middle ofthe street, at night). The argument quickly got ridiculous, asexpected from drunk men. After roasting Kaoru’s physical appearance,they started to make fun of him and imitate him. Honestly, youwouldn’t even have taken them seriously if Kaoru didn’t look reallyangry. When one guy blurted out “What’s with all those girlsanyway ? D'you have mommy issues or something ?”, Kaoru’s facenoticeably got three shades paler.

You knew that lookon your boyfriend’s face and pushed him behind you before he couldget into a fight. Instead, you stepped up, slapping one of the guysfor trying to punch Kaoru. Everyone got eerily quiet as you startedputting them back in their place. They flinched when you called themdisgusting drunk pigs. Kaoru was looking at you, with a surprised butslightly vacant gaze.

Once you deemed theguys had enough, you walked away furiously. Kaoru soon followed,asking you to wait. He apologized for getting you in that situation,saying it was dangerous for you and yet he acted stupidly andselfishly. Although he was really embarassed about you having to cometo his rescue, he thanked you. And judging by the tears in his eyes,he really was glad to have you. He hugged you tight, and the two ofyou came home, holding hands once more.

Now he acts asthough he’s forgotten all about that one moment. Sexy suave Kaorudoesn’t need to be reminded he almost got his ass handed to him by abunch of drunk retards once, and you saved him in extremis. But he’sso glad you’re here by his side, and you can bet he’ll never forgetthat.

Mika :

Getting Valkyrieback on feet is pretty hard. But if it’s for your boyfriend’s sake,you’d do anything. Even sit through their dance lesson and watch Shuget angry for the sixth time already because Mika messes up that onepart.

Shu’s prettyreclusive and has what Mika calls “limited energy”. So it’soften just you and Mika working on Valkyrie stuff. Which is why youwere downtown that one day, with Mika in his Valkyrie outfit and youhanding out flyers for a concert.

You were justadvertising the unit to passerbys at first, but then Mika had theidea to let flyers in the district mall’s shops so that people couldsee them when shopping. Which gave you an idea : how about askingshopkeepers if Valkyrie could have a small live in front of theirshop ? You remembered the twins doing that to get more fans, maybethat could work for Valkyrie too !

Mika found a verygood spot, right in front of a florist’s shop. The two of you came inasking for permission to occupy the spot in front of the shop. Turnsout the shopkeeper was a rather angry middle-aged woman, who was busybickering with her employees before she saw you coming. She looked atyou suspiciously, eyeing Mika’s outfit.

As Mika wasfumbling with his words, you took it from there and explained you wererepresenting an idol group from the nearby school, asking for herpermission to take up the spot in front of her shop. She flatlyrefused. Mika tried explaining Valkyrie was in a really tight spotbut promptly got quiet as the woman started shouting at him.Apparently he would be really bad publicity for her shop, what withhis weird looks.

She started makingfun of the way Mika looks, stating he looked like a scarecrow, ormaybe one very ill crow. She also commented on his clothes beforestopping at his eyes. “With eyes like this, I’m not sureanyone’d give you a listen anyway.” Customers were getting inthe shop and Mika looked like he was about to cry. You had enough,and everyone jumped up in surprise when you started talking too.

The woman juststared at you while you were roasting her and defending yourboyfriend. Seeing how displeased she looked, you gave her a piece ofyour mind before storming off her shop, slamming the door behind you.

Mika apologizedprofusely,  even shaking a bit. He was crying, too, and you hugged himtight, even kissing his cheek. You made it clear to him none of whatthe rude shopkeeper said was true and went to buy him something sweetto eat.

He felt betterafter having a bit of ice cream, and the two of you even liked theshop so much you offered the shopkeeper a collaboration withValkyrie. The shopkeeper gladly took up your offer, and you and Mikashared a happy grin. Mission accomplished.

Adonis :

Adonis likes beingan idol, even though he’s a bit awkward with certain tasks involved.The one thing he doesn’t like is photoshoots, and you know it well.

When Rei announcedhis intention to have one for UNDEAD’s new concert posters, yourboyfriend frowned. As soon as training was over, you got up toAdonis, telling him everything would be okay. He nodded, but youcould tell he wasn’t entirely convinced.

The d-day came waytoo fast. Rei and Kaoru were exceptionally good in their own soloshoots, and Koga was surprisingly more talented at being a model thanyou thought. Last up was Adonis. He gave you a shy smile when youcame to encourage him, giving him a quick kiss when no one waslooking.

Adonis tried hisbest. Really. The photographer soon got fed up and started to shoutinstructions. Your boyfriend tried to follow them, adjusting his poseand forcing a smile. The photographer wasn’t satisfied yet and madehim change poses at least fifteen times. Rei was frowning, next toyou. That wasn’t a good sign.

Maybe the guy hadhad a bad day. Or maybe he was just a rude asshole. Whatever thereason, he started to take his frustration out on Adonis, yelling athim for being so bad at modelling. Everything was wrong : hisposture, his expression… He even told Adonis to quit making thisstupid face, to which your boyfriend meekly answered that was hisnormal face. You felt your patience being tested but decided to staycalm. Rei clicked his tongue, visibly displeased.

When thephotographer got angry at Adonis for having tanned skin, even tellinghim he couldn’t possibly look as good as the japanese guys, Reilooked at you pointedly. You weren’t sure whether he was asking you to intervene or just being curious as to how you’d react. You sure ashell didn’t need Rei’s permission to walk up to the photographer,hands on your hips, and give him a piece of your mind.

He sure tried todefend himself, stating he was only “doing his job”, butyou snapped, reminding him all the racist comments he’d made. Youthen gave him a ultimatum : either he started working professionallyand giving Adonis a chance, or you’d fire him and just find anotherphotographer. He grumbled but got back to work, silently this time.

As soon as Adonis’photoshoot was over, you rushed to see him, asking if he was okay. He looked so sad you couldn’t help but kiss him, swearing he was the world’s mosthandsome boy to you. He’d have kissed you back were it not for Kogabeing a nuisance and just ruining the atmosphere.

That evening, youtook Adonis to a neko café to forget the photoshoot disaster. Hedidn’t really tell you, but you saw in his eyes how happy he was tohave someone like you by his side.

[pussymagicuniverse]

Werewolf Heart, a Hallow's Eve #meowlist by Jessie Lynn McMains

This year, for Pussy Magic’s second Hallow’s Eve: SCREAM issue, our music-lover, Jessie, compiled a spooky list of tracks for you to enjoy with some details below about the songs and musicians, why she chose them, and lyrics that she loves. Enjoy, Kittens, and we’ll see you later for the special upcoming issue!

1. Tom Waits — Dirt in the Ground

I could easily make an entire Halloween-season playlist using only Tom Waits songs, and it was difficult to narrow it down to just one. I chose this one for two reasons. One being that it is both spooky and sad, a perfect ode for this holiday which is all about honoring the dead and accepting death as a natural part of the life cycle. The other being my own personal associations with it—at a Halloween party in 2003, while in costume as a fallen angel, I performed an a capella version of this song.

The quill from a buzzard The blood writes the word I want to know am I the sky or a bird? ‘Cause hell is boiling over And heaven is full We’re chained to the world And we all gotta pull 

2. Johnny Cash — The Man Comes Around

This song isn’t so much creepy-sounding as it is lyrically terrifying. If anyone can make me believe in a Biblical-style apocalypse, it’s Johnny Cash. It also gets Halloween bonus points for its use in Dawn of the Dead.

The hairs on your arm will stand up At the terror in each sip and in each sup Will you partake of that last offered cup Or disappear into the potter’s ground? When the man comes around 

3. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds — Red Right Hand 

Nick Cave is another artist who could fill up an entire Halloween playlist all on his own. Be it with the Birthday Party or the Bad Seeds, the man can write a scary tune. This is by no means his scariest song (as far as I’m concerned, that titles belongs to “Song of Joy”*), but it does have a definite foreboding feeling; particularly during the organ solo. Ultimately, I chose this one for the playlist because of its use in the Scream franchise.

(*Fun fact: in “Song of Joy,” Nick references the same passage from Milton’s Paradise Lost that “Red Right Hand” was drawn from.)

You’ll see him in your nightmares You’ll see him in your dreams He’ll appear out of nowhere but He ain’t what he seems You’ll see him in your head On the TV screen Hey buddy, I’m warning You to turn it off 

4. Puerto Muerto — The Hangman’s Song

A sad and beautiful apocalyptic death-song. This is another one I once performed, at a Halloween show in 2009. And, like “The Man Comes Around,” this song is also on the Dawn of the Dead soundtrack.

The days will turn black, you soon will see. Soon we’ll all be swinging from a tree. Pray your neck breaks when the rope is taut. Pray your mother isn’t there to see. 

5. Delta Rae — I Will Never Die

Fleur suggested this song and as soon as I heard it I knew it was going on the playlist. It has a powerful, witchy, incantatory feeling to it, and the imagery in the lyrics is perfectly eerie. And I have a weakness for any song that uses chains as percussion instruments. 

Hickory, oak, pine and weed Bury my heart underneath these trees And when a southern wind comes to raise my soul Spread my spirit like a flock of crows 

6. Nina Simone — I Put A Spell On You

This tune is a must on any Halloween playlist. I adore the original Screamin’ Jay Hawkins version, but I think Nina Simone’s version is the sexiest and witchiest. Her deep, commanding voice and the jazzy sway of the music will put a spell on you for certain.

 I put a spell on you ‘Cause you’re mine You better stop the things you do I ain’t lyin’ No, I ain’t lyin’ 

7. Eartha Kitt — I Want To Be Evil

In this fun little tune, the inimitable Eartha Kitt (aka Catwoman) asks why bad boys get to have all the fun. C’mon, good girls and non-binary babes, cast off the shackles of gender-based behavioral expectations and be evil!

I want to be horrid, I want to drink booze And whatever I’ve got, I’m eager to lose I want to be evil, little evil me Just as mean and evil as I can be! 

8. Jill Tracy — Evil Night Together

Being bad can feel so good. This vampy dark cabaret number is the love song a femme fatale would sing in a film noir. It’s the kind of song you’d use to seduce the person you want as your partner. And by partner, I mean partner-in-crime.

I’ll hold your hand while they drag the river I’ll cuddle you in the undertow I’ll keep my hand on your trigger finger I’ll take you down where the train tracks go Let’s wile away the hours Let’s spend an evil night together 

9. Lana Del Rey - Season of the Witch

This is another seasonal classic. Hole’s cover is my favorite, but it’s not available on Spotify, and this version by Our Lady of Vintage Cool, Lana Del Rey, is really good, too. (Also, it appears on the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark soundtrack.)

When I look out my window, many sights to see. And when I look in my window, so many different people to be. That it’s strange. So strange. 

10. Austra — Spellwork 

Dark and danceable witchy synth-pop. Thanks to Cassidy Scanlon for the suggestion.

You must be the call The evil at night Speaking words of grace While spellwork delights Feel my desire, it burns like a fire 

11. World/Inferno Friendship Society — One for the Witches! 

The World/Inferno Friendship Society is another band that could easily fill up a Halloween playlist all on their own. Hell, their biggest show of the year is their Hallowmas show every October the 31st. I chose this one because it is an anthem of mine (so much so that I have a tattoo relating to it); it is an anthem for all witches and weirdos and misfits. You know? I mean, do ya know? 

“Supposed to be? I never gave it any thought Never gave a damn about what I’m supposed to be But if you’re asking what I am? I’m a fucking walking question mark I am a walking fucking time bomb!” 

12. Hag Face — Witch Stomp

This short instrumental tune sounds something like if Elvira had a garage band, and you combined their music with a tape of spooky sound effects. It’s fuzzed-out grunge, dark and hypnotic, and full of screams and howls.

13. The Distillers — I Am A Revenant

In folklore, a revenant is an animated corpse that is believed to have revived from death to haunt the living. In this loud-fast-rules punk song, Brody Dalle reminds us that even if the bastards kill us, we can return to haunt them for the rest of their days. 

We are the revenants We will rise up from the dead We become the living We’ve come back to reclaim our stolen breath 

14. Against Me! — Dead Rats 

This isn’t specifically a Halloween song (in fact, the only holiday it references is Easter), but sound and image-wise, it’s perfect. It’s a heartbroken rager, a love song for a fucked-up goth girl. It reminds me of so many girls I’ve known and loved; so many girls I’ve been.

Dear succubus, I miss you more than the rest But there’s a little bit less divide each time I look back In the eaves of your attic, I know how to haunt Shallow graves for all dead rats I like the dark clouds the best 

15. The Cramps — Sheena’s in a Goth Gang 

I had to include The Cramps and their brand of horror-surf-punk-psychobilly. In this song, Sheena’s not a punk rocker no more...she’s in a goth gang, now.

Mixed up women Do you have one in your house? She’s in the forbidden Vampire underground In the cult of the cobra Snakes in her hair She looks so macabre With her cobweb stare 

16. The Damned — Nasty

This song is such a rollicking tribute to horror and slasher flicks. Listen to it, then go watch the performance they did on The Young Ones, with Dave Vanian at his vampiric finest. Only pop music can save us now!

The axe is sharp And the blade is keen Creature features spill from the screen Shadows fall and all is gloom You’re not so safe In the safety of your room

17. Siouxsie and the Banshees — Halloween

This would be a poor excuse for a Halloween playlist if I didn’t include a song by the Queen of Goth herself, Siouxsie Sioux. It was a toss-up between this one and “Spellbound,” but I chose this one for the drive of the drums, the angular slash of the guitars, and the surreal and atmospheric lyrics. 

A sweet reminder In the ice-blue nursery Of a childish murder Of hidden luster And she cries “Trick or Treat” “Trick or Treat” The bitter and the sweet 

18. Bauhaus — Bela Lugosi’s Dead

I almost feel like I should apologize for including this song, but listen: this year’s Hallow’s Eve edition of Pussy Magic has a pop culture bent, and I’m currently working on a chapbook inspired by Bela Lugosi (amongst other classic horror actors), so I couldn’t not include it. Not to mention it’s a goth classic with the clattering-bone percussion, the reverb, the mesmeric bass line. Every time I listen to it I feel like I’m in a goth club in the ‘80s, all decked out in black lace and too much makeup, smoking clove cigarettes and dancing.

White on white translucent black capes Back on the rack Bela Lugosi’s dead The bats have left the bell tower The victims have been bled 

19. Oingo Boingo — Dead Man’s Party

Another Halloween classic by my favorite new wave/rock/ska/whatever (seriously, how does one classify Oingo Boingo’s music?) group of weirdos. It’s one of those great songs where the lyrics can be read into really deeply if you so choose, but it’s also just a hell of a lot of fun.

I got my best suit and my tie With a shiny silver dollar on either eye I hear the chauffeur comin’ to my door Says there’s room for maybe just one more 

20. The Gun Club — Death Party 

Poor old Jeffrey Lee. He had a lot of devils, and nowhere can you hear that better than in the yowl of this song. Musically, it’s something akin to Jim Morrison having psychedelic visions in the L.A desert, combined with blues, country, and punk. Lyrically, it’s about being drawn to self-destruction. 

Throw down your heartache, throw down your worldly blues They’ll tear your heart out, lookin at you wail the blues Come to the death party, you ain’t got nothing to lose 

21. Concrete Blonde — Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)

Concrete Blonde always had a dark side, but with the album Bloodletting they went even deeper into goth-rock territory. This, the title track, was inspired by Anne Rice’s novel Interview with the Vampire, and has a sexy swagger perfect for a creature of the night.

There’s a crack in the mirror And a bloodstain on the bed Oh, you were a vampire And baby, I’m the walking dead 

22. Sonic Youth — Halloween 

According to Kim Gordon, the lyrics to this song were inspired by watching Henry Rollins perform with Black Flag, which makes me chuckle. But in any case, this is a strange, creepy, and yeah, kinda sexy tune. There’s something ritualistic about it, like the incantation of a priestess as filtered through the lens of Sonic Youth’s noisy art-punk.

It’s the devil in me Makes me stare at you as you Twist up along you Sing your song and you’re Slipping up to me and you’re So close I just uh Want to touch you

23. Pixies — On Graveyard Hill

This track off the new Pixies album definitely has that off-kilter rock’n’roll Pixies sound I know and love. And the lyrics make it a perfect fit for a Halloween playlist.

In the poisonous forest, Donna lights up her torches Her eyes are flying saucers Her hair is black and gorgeous I see her down at the crossroads She can lead you to madness She’s leading me into darkness, in the witching hour

24. Tempers — What Isn’t There 

As I’ve been writing these descriptions and listening to the playlist again, I’ve realized a lot of the tracks are long—like, between five and ten minutes long. I think that’s fitting for this season and this holiday. Imagine the long songs on this playlist as aural films to get lost inside. This track by Tempers makes for a very dark and moody piece of ‘cinema.’ Thanks to Cassidy Scanlon for the suggestion.

25. Sigils — Samhain

If all metal sounded like this I would listen to more metal. I love the heavy drone of this song, so eerie and mysterious. And the lyrics make me picture teenagers sitting around an autumn bonfire, stoned, telling scary stories.

Everything is gold The wind a sickly sweet The smell of rotting leaves Bathe in ashes from the fire 

26. Dax Riggs — Ghost Movement

Yet another artist whose entire oeuvre, from Acid Bath to deadboy & the Elephantmen to his solo stuff, lends itself well to this season. This one’s a personal favorite when I’ve got those haunted blues. (After you’ve listened to the playlist, go listen to Dax’s cover of the Misfits’s “Skulls,” which he turned into a ballad.)

Kissed a blue girl While it rained broken glass Rode a bolt of white light With Satan on my lap 

27. Queens of the Stone Age — Mosquito Song

With imagery straight out of Hannibal Lecter’s cookbook, this song is a gorgeously scary ode to the cycle of life and death.

Cutting boards, hanging hooks Bloody knives, cooking books Promising you won’t feel a thing at all Swallow and chew, eat you alive All of us food, that hasn’t died 

28. Rasputina — Gingerbread Coffin

I would be remiss as a former creepy little girl who totally held doll funerals and as an overly dramatic goth who totally had a Rasputina phase if I didn’t include this song.

We brought, but not used A collection of knives We’ll remember this moment Through all of our lives She’ll rise

29. Dead Man’s Bones — Werewolf Heart

I’d never heard of Dead Man’s Bones until I was looking for songs for this playlist, but I love this song so much that I went to find more about the band and discovered... Ryan Gosling co-wrote this album with Zach Shields. Like: “Hey girl, I heard you liked ghosts and monsters and love stories, so I wrote you this monster-ghost-love story...” 

You’d look nice in a grave I smile at the moon, death is on my face And if you wait too long Then you’ll never see the dawn again 

30. Cat Power — Werewolf

I've had a long-time love for this eerie and beautiful Cat Power tune.

Oh the werewolf, oh the werewolf Comes stepping along He don’t even break the branches where he’s gone Once I saw him in the moonlight, when the bats were a flying I saw the werewolf, and the werewolf was crying

31. Neko Case — Deep Red Bells

This song was one of the inspirations for my poem which is appearing in the Hallow’s Eve issue. (The other inspiration was Seanan McGuire’s book The Girl in the Green Silk Gown.) It is a sad tribute to the murdered girls who are often forgotten.

Does your soul cast about like an old paper bag Past empty lots and early graves Of those like you who lost their way Murdered on the interstate While the red bells rang like thunder?

32. Nina Nastasia — In the Graveyard 

This season is all about honoring our dead, but sometimes we’re just not ready.

Someone told me that I should visit you in the graveyard Pull out all the weeds But I’m still lonely and I’m not ready You scared me when you hid behind the trees

33. Hozier — In a Week (feat. Karen Crowley)

This is another song, like “Dirt in the Ground” and “Mosquito Song,” which is about the cycle of life and death (we’re all gonna be dirt in the ground / all of us food that hasn’t died / after the foxes have known our taste). And call me weird and morbid, but I think it is one of the most romantic songs ever written. These lovers will not be parted even in death; death will only bind them closer together.

And they’d find us in a week When the buzzards get loud After the insects have made their claim After the foxes have known our taste After the raven has had its say I’d be home with you

Jessie Lynn McMains (they/them) is a poet, writer, zine-maker, and small press owner. They are a queer and non-binary mama to two wild kiddos. Aside from words, music is their favorite thing in the world. They’re also obsessed with tarot, the Midwest/Great Lakes/Rust Belt, ghosts, and the undying spirit of punk rock. You can find their website at recklesschants.net, or find them on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram @rustbeltjessie.

[mysteryfanfictheatre3000]

Back to the Frollo, Chapter 12

Warning: Frollo cries again.

Chapter Twelve

Several days passed before I ventured outside. I barricaded myself in the house, cried all the time, and could not stop thinking about Claude Frollo. I never quite got over that kiss -- that spontaneous, wildly passionate, oh-so wonderful kiss.

She’s sure freaked out by five minutes of a yelling and a short kiss. She seems very emotionally unstable.

Oh Claude! I didn't want things to get this crazy; I really loved you! But I didn't care if I ever laid eyes on Claude again.

Is she talking to modern-day Frollo? Is he reading this story? What?

I made arrangements with a young man who was organizing a trip to the East, a trade expedition in search of spices and fine fabrics. I was a little nervous about going to medieval Persia and Arabia, but I didn't care.

Dude. You’re going to die. You are going to get attacked by robbers at the very least, and probably pick up smallpox, plague, cholera or some other ancient disease along the way. The possibilities of the various horrors that will kill you are endless!

Besides, Fern was still in Texas and wouldn't be back for several weeks; I decided not to wait. I had to get out of Paris as soon as possible.

Just abandon everything about your previous life like that. Not an issue.

I knew good-byes were in order, and I didn't have the heart to tell the children I was leaving. I gathered them in the square those last few days and played games with them as if nothing was wrong. Looking into those little faces made me re-think my decision, but no, I wouldn't give Claude Frollo the satisfaction of thinking he'd "won". Saying good-bye to a certain bellringer, however, would be even more difficult.

No, don’t drag poor Quasimodo into this mess even more! He’s innocent, leave him alone!

******

"Oh Nisha, do you have to leave?", Quasi asked as we packed the now-finished Civil War battle set. "I'm sorry, Quasi, but let's just say your master and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye", I said, admiring the amazing accuracy of Quasi's work, even though the events depicted would not happen for almost 400 years. Although I never told him of my latest stormy encounter with Frollo, Quasimodo became strangely defensive of his guardian.

It’s called Stockholm Syndrome.

"Look, just because he said some things that rubbed you the wrong way....", he said with a sigh, "Frollo's not the easiest man to get along with, but I'm grateful to him...I mean...Don't leave because he got on your nerves." Quasi then gave me a big hug. "You've been a wonderful friend, brightening up my days. You don't know what it's like up here, all alone with no one to talk to."

Did Phoebus and Esmeralda just disappear? Danisha seems to indicate this took place after the movie and Frollo somehow survived, so either Esmeralda died like in the musical and Phoebus just ran off someplace and abandoned Quasi, or they both just left Paris and never came back. I guess it makes sense for them to run away if Frollo was in charge, but if so, why not take Quasimodo with them?

He then grinned broadly, saying, "Thanks for reading to me and telling me those wonderful stories. You know, I sometimes recite those poems to my gargoyle friends." He nodded to the three funny-looking stone figures nearby.

Yes, let’s add in the most irritating characters by far just to stretch out this awful story a little bit longer.

I mulled over his words, then told him, "Quasi, how can I leave such a good friend. I promised I'd stay the rest of the summer, and...well...I not the type to break promises." We hugged each other again, and, just before Quasi headed downstairs, he said, "Just say you'll stay." When I told him I'd stay for the rest of the summer, Quasimodo was elated. "Great! I KNEW you wouldn't go! I've got chores to do downstairs. When I'm finished, could we read some more of those poems?"

So she changed her just mind like that? Really?

"Sure, Quas, take your time. I'm not going anywhere", I replied with a smile. He was right, I just couldn't leave; Claude and I will just have to keep our distances. After Quasi left, I settled down with a delightful little volume of James Whitcomb Riley's poetry. I got lost in the words; Riley's Hoosier homespun rhymes, written in that wonderful Indiana dialect, made me so oblivious to my surroundings that I almost didn't feel the tap on my shoulder. Quasi finished his chores already? I turned around and looked dead into the eyes of Claude Frollo.

And so we get more terrible, sappy “romance” between two people I hate. Oh joy.

I immediately got up and headed for the steps, but he caught me by the arm, and tenderly said, "Please, Nisha. Don't leave, my dear. There is so much we need to say to each other." I was getting ready to slap him, but his manner was so unusually gentle this time, I sat down again and listened. Claude sat across from me, took my hands into his, and began what sounded like an apology. "I did not come here in search of a fight, but forgiveness. What happened those few days ago..." His voice began trembling with emotion. "I shouldn't have let things get so completely..."

Since when has he been gentle, understanding and respectful of women? He’s a horrible human being, and he doesn’t care about Danisha’s feelings or forgiveness! If any of this was even half true he’d be off commanding soldiers to murder some innocents because he can’t deal with a crush!

I finished his sentence, "So completely out of hand, Claude?...No, Claude. I was the guilty party. I said terrible things to you, not to mention causing all that mess in the first place...." The words came tumbling out of my mouth. Claude sweetly kissed my hands, his voice still quavering. "Don't put all the blame on yourself, darling." He then got up and knelt in front of me. What was to come out of Claude Frollo's mouth would change my life forever. Claude's graceful hand gently caressed my face as he gazed into my eyes. "My dear Danisha," he began, his voice breaking with emotion, "you know I've grown quite fond of you..."

So their relationship began with sexual assault, weird pet names and drama? i’m not sure why I expected anything different.

He stopped himself, rose to his feet and paced the room. His turned and covered his face as if he didn't want me to see the depth of his emotion. Then Claude wheeled around to face me. His eyes were hot with passion, tears streamed down his finely chisled cheekbones.

Why is he such a crybaby? He breaks down in tears over things that normal people don’t even bat an eyelash at. I think he’s crying in half his screentime here!

"Why don't I just come out and say it!", Claude bellowed in a voice choked with anguish, "For the past few days I have thought of nothing but you!" I felt as if shot a hundred times. I sat riveted to my chair, unable to move or speak. He continued, "Night and day, I longed to feel your silky honeyed skin, gaze into those enchanting brown eyes. Oh, to hear your voice, that gloriously musical voice, saying you love me." Claude then knelt before me again, caressed my hands, face, and hair, then finally confessed, "I love you, dear sweet Nisha, I love you." My eyes were still locked into his; I had to say something.

This is when you should call the police and/or get the hall out of here, because he’s quite obviously some sort of stalker weirdo.

"Claude...did you say...what I think you said...You love me?" "Darling, what more is there to say?", Claude gently replied, as he drew closer to me and tenderly, yet passionately, kissed my mouth. My arms enfolded him and I, without hesitation, responded to him with equal passion. It was a long, slow kiss that rivaled the sultriest and steamiest of Indiana summers; it was that intense. Afterwards, Claude said to me, "There, my love. Now...how can you leave Paris? I was so looking forward to spending the remainder of summer with you." "Ooh Claude", I cooed back, "I'm so glad I decided not to..." I suddenly stopped myself.

The fact that she even considered abandoning her entire life because she was mad at one dude should be enough to give her pause.

Hold on! Time out! HOW did he know I was leaving town? I told no one except Quasi, and even then I didn't reveal any details. Claude looked at me half-amusedly. "Quasimodo is not the..what is that phrase your friend uses...'tell-all'?...sort, my dearest. But you really should be more careful with whom you make travel arrangements." Claude Frollo, his mood now changed to full-tilt hilarity, continued laughingly, "My dear! The young "organizer" of that little expedition is one of my best spies!"

Fern? Was this entire thing a ruse to get Danisha and Frollo together? I don’t understand anything that’s going on here!

He was now on his back, rolling and convulsing with uproarious laughter. I was livid! The man who just poured out his heart and soul to me, with whom I shared the sweetest and hottest of kisses, was getting a kick out my naivete. "How'd I know that dude was a spy?", I spoke sistah-style. "It's not funny, Claude."

Oh, are they referring to the guy Nisha made arrangements to go to Asia with? This author really has to be more clear as to what she’s talking about. And she has to stop talking in “sistah-style.” It isn’t sexy, funny, cute or likable, just weird and vaguely racist sounding.

"Oh, yes it is, dear heart. And it's not just with WHOM you are travelling but to WHERE!" He sported a wide, evil grin as he continued his digs at me. "Honestly, darling, for the life of me...I can just visualize you in the wilds of Arabia." Claude words were punctuated with his deep, throaty laughter as he continued, "You, ending up in some sultan's harem, and the poor man putting up with your ever-changing moods and saucy tongue!" Still grinning, he sat in the chair across from me and looked at me in earnest.

This reminds me of Darth Vader from Splinter of the Mind’s Eye, calling Leia a “steel kitten,” in that it tried to sound villainous but just comes across as OOC and weird.

"I'm sorry, darling, but I needed the laugh after...If I offended you...I'm sorry, but...it's all so funny." He was still amused, and I was still smarting from the levity enjoyed at my expense. Out of some sense of false, wounded pride, I immediately got up and headed for the steps.

They are so incredibly on and off again, and I feel like they go from making out to hating each other in seconds. It’s just oddly paced and confusing.

Claude, his amusement now turned to serious concern, caught me from behind. "Don't tell me you're still leaving, after all that was confessed here tonight." I pulled away from him, gave him the look that I reserved only for men who did me wrong, and told him, "It appears YOU did all the talking, confessing your 'love'. And I really wanted to believe you." Claude looked at me in disbelief, but I kept on, "Then you have a laugh at my expense, poke fun of my...What did you mean my 'changing moods and saucy tongue'? Never mind, I'm out of here."

But… you did change your mood every five minutes, and you do sound saucy, intentionally nonetheless!

As I turned to descend the steps, Claude came after me, pleading, "Please, Danisha, don't leave me. I love you!" "What do you want from me, Claude?", I asked. Claude Frollo gave me that same little-boy look I beheld after our first encounter. "Just tell me you love me, and that you will stay." He reached out for me, but I stepped back.

“Or I’ll murder you with fire.”

"Claude, there're only two things that'll keep me here", I began, "and that's Quasi and the kids, but I think they can get along without me." "And what about ME?", Claude emotionally asked. I sneered back, "What about you? You say you love me, but what'll happen down the road? You'll just turn around and treat me like yesterday's garbage." Claude's eyes were bright with emotion.

That’s actually very true. They could never have a healthy relationship because he’s him and she’s her and they’re both too awful for that.

"I'd never do that, my dear. I'd never mistreat my sweet precious..."

Why is he suddenly Gollum? “My precious….”

He had his arms around me, and began kissing me again. Oooh, how I loved the way his lips caressed my face and neck. Mmmm...this feels so wonderful! I was really enjoying this, so much I wanted to melt with him, be his woman forever and ever... But something inside me snapped. I withdrew from his embrace, faced him with hellfire and fury. "No! I don't want this! I'm sorry, Claude, but I got to get out of here."

She’s in love with him, and then hates him, and then she loves him again- these constant heel-face turns are just weird and confusing to read. Stop doing that.

Claude again pleaded with me, "Why can't I make you understand? Don"t you want to be with me, to love me?" I edged my way to the steps. "Save your sob story for someone else, baby. I'm outta here! And for what it's worth, I may not end up in Arabia, but I'd rather slog through the Louisana swamps, take my chances with the 'gators and snakes, than be stuck in Paris with the likes of you!" And with that, I stormed down the steps.

She changed her mind again?!

He didn't even try to follow me. Good! I don't need him, don't want him, don't love... I was halfway down the steps and Claude still made no attempts to pursue me. I stopped, sat down on the step, and couldn't believe what I just did. I threw it away! A once-in-a-lifetime chance, a golden opportunity at happiness was handed to me, and I blew it!

And now she regrets it. Reading this chick’s internal monologue is so weird. I thinks he has some personality issues at the very least from what I’ve read thus far.

All at once, Claude's words of love finally seeped through thick layers of my stubborn pride. I actually loved him! I wanted him, needed him... Maybe it's not too late!

Because he’d want you back after that? He probably wants to burn you to death! Why are you manipulating and messing with the one person Fern specifically told you not to mess with?

Tears rolled down my face as I raced back up the steps. It's now or never, girlfriend, if he changes his mind, you'll know who to blame. I stopped in the doorway and saw Claude Frollo, the esteemed Minister of Justice, a man of power and control, huddled on the floor, sobbing softly. I tip-toed up to him and lightly stroked his now-disheveled gray hair. "Claude", I said sobbingly, "I'm...I'm sorry." Claude raised his eyes to me, and stretched out his hand.

And now they’re both crying again. I should start a counter for every time someone starts sobbing unnecessarily because of “feels.”

Without hesitation, I fell to my knees and embraced him. I felt his arms around me and heard him say to me over and over, "It's all right, my love. I understand, my sweet Nisha. You are forgiven, darling."

Darling, honey, love… these nicknames are forever ruined for me.

We kissed again and again, sweet, passionate kisses that would be exchanged countless times to come. "I love you, Claude Frollo, I love you. I didn't mean to hurt you", I tearfully confessed. There! I finally told Claude I loved him, something I should have done days before, but did not have the courage. We kissed again and held each other a long time.

Is this happening in the middle of Notre Dame? are they just crying and making out on the floor of the church in front of other people? I think that would raise some alarm in the parishioners.

At last, Claude stood up, and helped me to my feet. He neatened his hair and donned the famous triangular hat. He then embraced me again and tenderly kissed my a41 face as if to erase my tears. "Come along, my love, I'll take you home."

Her a41 face? What does that even mean?

****** Claude and I walked arm-in-arm down the long corridor of Notre Dame. Our eyes were locked on each other; we almost didn't notice Quasimodo, who was heading for the belltower steps. "Master...Mlle. Nisha...I thought...What's going on here?", he asked confusedly.

“Oh, we’re just making out and changing our opinions of each other every six seconds. Just because, y’know?”

Claude Frollo turned to his young charge. "I am seeing this young lady home, Quasimodo. I will visit you tomorrow. Good night, dear boy." "Good night, Quasi", I echoed. "Good night", replied Quasimodo as he scratched his head in puzzlement.

I feel you, Quasi. I’m equally as confused by this mess of a story.

Outside, Claude boosted me up into the saddle. I never rode such a fine horse! Claude settled himself behind me, and, with the reins in his right hand and his left arm around me, guided Snowball towards the little house Fern and I shared.

I thought Fern had that chateau she didn’t let you in because she was “doing business,” but then again, nothing else in this godforsaken thing does either.

I softly sang that old Etta James song, "At Last, my love has come along..." "What are you singing, sweet darling?", Claude chuckled in my ear. "Oh, just a love song that was popular when I was a child." I then grinned and said playfully, "I'se Min'ster Frollo's woman now."

STOP USING THAT VOICE. IT’S WEIRD, JUST WEIRD.

Claude chuckled again, his lips grazing the back of my neck, "You certainly are, my dear. You are finally mine, and I am yours." He softly sang a sweet French love song in as we neared my Parisian home. Claude saw me to my door. He kissed me good-night,saying, "Pleasant dreams, my love". I was a little disappointed. "Oh Claude, I'd thought you'd come inside for a few moments."

NO. DO NOT.

Claude just laughed and said, "Now, my dear, we both know we had a very emotional evening..." He flashed a broad smile. Oh, he has the sexiest smile! "All right, honey", I said, "I'll get some rest. Will I see you tomorow?" Claude kissed me again and playfully replied, "Oh, my dear Danisha, you'll see me in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, and the next day, and the next..." I joined in Claude's hearty laughter and kissed him again. "This is definitely turning into a summer to remember", I said.

Oh my god, I want to vomit. The cheesiness, the awfulness, I just can’t.

We finally said good-night and I watched him ride away. I was right; Claude was right. We finally found each other. But the summer was not over and the fireworks were just beginning.

Please let it end, please let it end-

[tallskinnyvanillalatte]

Castle Episodes (Seasons 1+2)

So, I decided to do a Castle rewatch because I miss the show a lot. And I thought I could write down some of my favorite moments and some important moments and just some random thoughts. Not on every episode but those that I thought needed to be mentioned. It’s a personal post, so I might mention episodes that you wouldn’t and it’s possible that I won’t mention episodes that you would. This post is for seasons 1 and 2 only, I’ll start with season 3 now and will publish the post once I’m done with season 3.

1x01 Flowers for your Grave: The pilot. Where everything gets started. Classic.

1x02 Nanny McDead: Some lovely Castle/Alexis moments. Also, “So what” is the ringtone of the dead person.

1x03 Hedge Fund Homeboys: There’s this adorable scene where Castle watches Alexis sleep and he’s really worried about her because of the case and makes sure that she knows that she could tell him everything. Also the next day, there’s this silly moment where Alexis beats herself up over not paying for the subway and not telling Castle about it and he’s like “yeah you need to be punished - mandatory ice cream for breakfast for a week”. It’s super silly but also super adorable.

1x05 A Chill Goes Through Her Veins: We get some first information on Beckett’s mother’s death. Also, Joshua Radin’s “No envy, no fear” plays at the end.

1x06 Always Buy Retail: We meet Alexis’ mom <3 Meredith is exhausting, but I wish we’d seen her more frequently on the show. Especially in the episode where Alexis was kidnapped. Also, Castle gets his “writer” vest in this one. Also the scene where Castle receives a message on his phone with his “dad! dad! dad!” ringtone is HILARIOUS. Also, Castle saves Beckett’s life in this episode. The last scene is too adorable where Meredith tells them that she got a job offer and thus can’t stay in New York. Castle looks super good in this scene and the way he hugs Alexis is so adorable. He looks so cute the way he smiles and how he holds her and my heart just <3 <3

1x07 Home is where the heart stops: Beckett saves Castle’s life.

1x09 Little Girl Lost: A two-year-old girl is abducted. Of course this gets a little personal for Castle. There’s an adorable scene with him and Alexis, where he hugs here. It’s a “pea-pod thing”.”I can’t imagine anything like this ever happening to Alexis” I used that quote on a gifset I made about Alexis’ abduction. (this one) 

1x10 A death in the family: Alexis wants to go to the junior-senior prom with Owen and she’s like “please say yes” and Castle goes “If I say yes, will you promise to stay up past your bedtime, have a good time?” It’s so cute <3 And then Martha goes “you’re letting her go out with someone you’ve never met? What kind of a father are you?” and he’s not too sure about it anymore lol and even asks Beckett for a background check on the boy. “Sweety, I want you to know that no matter what you think you look, you’re perfect exactly the way you are” There are so many cute Castle-Alexis moments. The scene where Alexis returns from prom and she and Castle talk - it’s so adorable and he loves his daughter so much, I wanna cry. Also, Castle has some new information on Beckett’s mother’s murder.

2x01 Deep in death: Beckett saves Castle’s life. Also, Castle to Alexis “Thank you. For just... being you.” <3 And Castle apologizes to Beckett.

2x02 The Double Down: Alexis has her first heartbreak. Also the scene where Castle hears Martha and Alexis fighting and he’s worried that Martha is beating Alexis, so he rushes into the apartment only to find them rehearsing for a play lol

2x04 Fool me once: “There’s no one in the world that I trust more than I trust you” <3 Alexis has violin lessons in this episode and her teacher happens to be “a hottie”, so Castle goes into full protective mode and wants his background checked and all that which causes a fight between Castle and Alexis. Also, Beckett reads Heat Wave in the bathtub and later in the precinct bathroom where she checks out the sex scene lol.

2x05 When the bough breaks: Meredith “Cruella” Blake from The Parent Trap is in this one.

2x06 Vampire Weekend: It’s Castle in his Firefly outfit. “Yes, you can go [to the party]. But if anything happens that makes you feel uncomfortable, anything at all, you call me. I don’t care what it is. And there’ll be no punishments, no recriminations, nothing, I promise, so long as you just call.” <3 Also Castle’s evil laughter and then choking. When Alexis calls because Paige is drunk, he just goes “I’m on my way” and takes care of them <3 It’s just so great to see Castle this caring and responsible, you know. He’s this silly child all the time and now he’s actually responsible and a parent. “There’s nothing that you could do that would stop me from protecting you or supporting you.” I just love their relationship.

2x07 Famous Last Words: “Angel” <3 The lead singer of a band Alexis likes is killed. “He called her a ... [realizes Alexis is in the room] B-I-T-C-H” “She can spell, detective” greatest scene. The way Castle looks at her when she leaves is pure love. He loves his daughter so much, it’s beautiful. “Weren’t you opening for P!nk?” OPENING FOR PINK OH MY GOD. lol “what about Alexis? She’s perfect, she has no alibi” lol Castle, your suspecting your own daughter.

2x08 Kill The Messenger: It’s Ryan, Esposito and Castle on the couch with a teacup and a bunch of kittens ;D Martha signs up on “MyFace” and meets Chet. “Are you looking at porn?” “I use Ryan’s computer for that.” 

2x09 Love me dead: “You know you can tell me anything, right?” Castle is worried because Alexis is clearly hiding something from him. He got even more concerned when Alexis called Beckett asking for advice and still not talking to him. And Ryan and Esposito aren’t really helping either :D “Maybe she got kicked out of school.” “Or she’s doing drugs.” “M-hm, teen pregnancies are on the rise.” “Woah, you met my daughter. You know that she’s the closest thing to perfect as humanly possible.” <3 Turns out, Alexis only wanted to ask Beckett about an exchange program to France because Beckett had studied abroad. There’s also this scene I’ve seen as a reaction-gif a couple of times where Alexis says that she wants to study in Oxford and Castle goes “You know that’s in England, right” “yeah”.

2x10 One Man’s Treasure: “Big Castle likes to get in the way. I’m sure little Castle is a pleasure.” Alexis is volunteering at the precinct. “First days of preschool, I used to hide in the bushes to make sure she was alright”. “Fact Fiction” plays in this one <3 Alexis closes her “who does that book full of personal pictures belong to” case. The way that Castle looks at her and smiles is just pure pride and love.

2x13 Sucker Punch: The storyline of Beckett’s mother’s murder continues. We meet Beckett’s dad. “I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.” Beckett finds the guy who killed her mother, she just doesn’t know who hired that person. And she has to shoot the guy to protect Castle. The scene in which she tries to get him back is heart breaking. Maybe you should’ve aimed for his shoulder. You weren’t that far apart and he wasn’t in movement, so...?

2x14 The Third Man: Castle ranks #9 as the hottest Bachelor’s in town or something. Alexis’ principal wants a date. And her German teacher Fräulein Sonnenberg (no one is called Fräulein in Germany anymore but we) wanted Alexis to tell Castle auf Deutsch “du hast Sexappeal” lol it’s too cute. Also, Alexis is kinda pissed and annoyed at all this. And when Castle realizes that he grins all over and goes “Oh you hate me a little bit right now, don’t you”. Castle to Alexis: “You’re number one on mine [my list]. Look, it’s my job to worry about you, not the other way round.” Castle’s tie looks slighty different in the restaurant, the color is different. Maybe it’s the light or maybe they messed up.

2x15 Suicide Squeeze: Castle’s father is addressed once again.

2x16 The mistress always spanks twice: We meet Ryan’s girlfriend Jenny <3

2x17 Tick Tick Tick /2x18 Boom: so intense, such a ride, such a thrill. Need I say more?

2x19 Wrapped up: Love the episode, it’s hilarious! Castle thinks he’s cursed because he looked at an ancient mummy. Some weird things happen to him (some of which can be explained because the team tampers with them, others remain unexplained). There’s a scene where the elevator stops and he’s afraid it’s gonna fall, so he lays on the ground while the doors open. I’ve seen this as a gif several times (with the #dead writing on it). When he explains the situation, there’s a random cop just pissing himself in the background, it’s hilarious when you watch him. Also, Castle asks Martha if she would look after Alexis if something happened to him. And later, he asks Beckett, too, because “she looks up to you” <3

2x20 The Late Shaft: The final scene is so adorable when Alexis returns from her five-day-trip and Castle hugs her and goes “my best girl, oh I missed you so much, i’m so glad you’re home”. This scene is so beautiful. The way he speaks and hugs her, it’s just so beautiful, so much love.

2x22 Food to die for: Alexis wants to go on a weekend trip with her friends, but she also has exams coming up and wants/needs to study for those. She feels bad about every decision she makes, so eventually she asks her dad to tell her to stay home and study. That scene is adorable. And then Castle is like “1,001 ways to distract someone who’s studying. We start by freezing ping-pong balls.” Ah I just love their relationship <3

2x23 Overkill: Castle is so jealous of that guy that’s been working with Beckett all the time. He’s always been jealous but it gets even worse in this episode. And at the end of the episode (Lifehouse’s Crash and Burn is playing), he watches Beckett and the guy kiss and it basically kills him. The look on his face, oh boy.

2x24 A Deadly Game: Ah, the episode is so frustrating. Castle and Beckett clearly care a lot about each other, yet they both mess up and don’t get it right. Beckett breaks up with her boyfriend and starts to talk to Castle, thanking him, telling him that she had a great time with him. And then Gina shows up and Castle says they are off to the Hamptons for the summer and it really sounds and looks like Castle and Gina are back together. And I - as a viewer - get so frustrated because Castle and Beckett can’t get their shit together. Man, how did everyone feel when the episode aired for the very first time, not knowing what would happen after the hiatus. Anyway. Alexis is off to a summer program by Princeton University and Castle is so over-protective and in ‘jealous dad-mode’ because the rooms are mixed-gender and Alexis already met with a boy that’s going to the program too. It’s super adorable how jealous and protective he is. And when Castle tells the boys at the precinct about their goodbye, he goes “it was really emotional, there were a lot of tears. ... Alexis was fine, by the way.” :D