#apologies that i’ve been so MIA here �� life happens and yeah!!

[chrollogy]

hello :) i graduated uni!!!!!!!

[gracexthoughts]

of violent delights chap 20

dissent and assent

10 october 1996

Eupehmia’s POV 

The Great Hall was decorated overnight. Silk banners, one for each of the Hogwarts Houses, hang from the walls as well as one with the full Hogwarts crest hung behind the teachers’ table. I walk in for breakfast with Ron, Harry and Hermione and I lead us to sit with the Twins, who are sitting apart from others and whispering intensely. Soon, at the end of the month, the students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang arrive and the Triwizard Tournament will be kicked off. 

“Yeah, it sucks but if he won’t talk to us in person, we’ll send him an owl. He can’t avoid us forever,” George says as I sit down next to him. 

“Who's avoiding you?” Ron asks, sitting next to Fred. 

“Wish you would,” Fred grumbles to his little brother. 

“Have you guys thought anymore about the Triwizard Tournament yet? Still wanting to enter?” Harry asks, thankfully avoiding a Weasley brother argument at 8 in the morning.

“Asked Minny how the champions are chosen but she wouldn’t say,” George answers, irritation still lacing his tone. “Just told me to shut up and transfigure my racoon.” 

“No, that was Mia,” Fred remarks sarcastically. 

“Oi!” My head snaps up from my breakfast at the accusation. “It was not!” I’m not sure if I imagine the bite in his tone or not but the closer Mattheo and I get, the more distant Fred gets from me and I hate it. 

“What do you think the tasks will be?” Ron asks to which the rest of us shrug. “I bet the three of us could do it! We’ve done loads of dangerous stuff,” Ron exclaims looking at Harry and Hermione. 

“You will not! Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would volunteer to put themselves in danger. I mean the fact that it was stopped originally due to too many deaths, I’m surprised they’re allowing it again,” I say, sounding very much like a mother to my own displeasure. I’ve found it happening more and more since Harry was placed under my care last spring. Harry has started just staring at me and waiting until I ‘mother myself out’ (his words, not mine). 

“Yeah well, not all of us can turn our noses up at a thousand Galleon prize, Mia,” Fred snaps, surprising me, and stands up leaving his breakfast mostly uneaten. 

“Freddie!” I try to stand and follow him, to apologize, but George grabs my arm and pulls me back down. 

“Don’t worry about it, Mia. You didn’t do anything wrong,” George says gently, finishing his toast. “He’ll come ‘round,” he adds, patting my shoulder, as he stands and follows his twin. I sigh and take a long sip of my coffee, the fourth years next to me talking amongst themselves as I wonder how my life got so complicated. 

“Hey, Princess,” Mattheo says, sitting down where George was and smiling at me. Harry, Ron and Hermione stop talking for a moment and Harry and Mattheo share a tense nod of acknowledgement- better than Fred’s attempts at least.  

“Hey, Matt,” I say with a soft smile. He reaches forward and pulls my coffee cup from me and takes a sip. “Oi!” I whine playfully. 

“Hey, you’re not the only one around here with a caffeine addiction,” Matt chuckles, leaning away from me as he takes another sip before handing the cup back to me. 

“Little tip, don’t get between my sister and her caffeine. She’ll kill you,” Harry chimes in and I can’t help but smile. Over the last month or so, Mattheo has been trying really hard to get my friends to trust him. Harry and Ang and Alicia have been the easy ones. Harry is a little wary but he’s stayed true to what he said at the end of last term, that as long as I’m happy he doesn’t care. 

“Oh, I have no doubt,” Matt chuckles and places a hand on my knee under the table. “You okay?” he asks, leaning a little closer. 

“Yeah, just tired and Fred and I had a tiff,” I sigh, setting my now empty coffee down on the table as Hermione turns to the boys and begins talking about S.P.E.W., her club working for the freedom of house elves. 

“Bout?” 

“Nothing,” I say with a shrug and smile at Mattheo. 

“Hm,” he grunts, pouring himself a cup of coffee, refilling my own, and grabbing some scrambled eggs. “Speaking of friends, my friends and I have plans tonight. Would you come?” 

“If you want me to, of course,” I nod and take a bite of my toast. “By friends you mean…?” 

“Theo, Enzo, Astoria, Evan… and Ella,” Mattheo says, grimacing slightly at Elladora’s name. 

“Does she know you’re inviting me?” I ask, turning to straddle the bench to look at Mattheo. Elladora Lestrange’s attitude towards mine and Mattheo’s closeness makes Fred’s opinion of it look like total acceptance. Matt and I haven’t been hiding by any means, but we aren’t officially together nor are we snogging in the halls announcing anything to the entire student body. We haven’t even really been on an actual date. Even so, people have started noticing the “Gryffindor Princess” and “Slytherin Casanova” are together more and more. Out of Matt’s friends, Theo, Enzo and Astoria have been the most welcoming. I was already friends with Tori which helps, but Elladora has been another matter altogether. 

“She will.” 

“Before I show up?” Mattheo hesitates for a moment, glancing at me out of the corner of his eyes. “Matt, you’re going to just blindside her?” 

“I don’t think she’ll come if she knows,” he says with a grimace. “Will you still come? I promise I won’t let her attack you.” 

“I’ll come, I don’t think it will go well though,” I say sympathetically. 

“You’re the best, princess,” Mattheo says with a smile and squeezes my hand. 

“Yeah, just make sure to remember that,” I tease, and stand, grabbing my bag. “C’mon, we should get to class.” 

“Ugh, I don’t want to go to Alchemy, Higgbotem has it out for me,” the boy whines. 

“Because you never show up to his class,” I say, smiling down at Matt, brushing a stray curl out of his eyes. “C’mon, pretty boy,” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. He stands but just looks down at me with a goofy smile. “What?” 

“Call me that again,” he says lowly. 

“What? Pretty boy?” He nods. “You’re ridiculous,” I laugh, “If I say it again will you come to class?” 

“I’ll do anything you want,” he promises. 

“Oh, this is gonna be fun,” I tease. 

“You guys are gross,” Harry moans, standing and quickly walking away with his friends to avoid our display. 

“Think we’ve scarred your brother,” Matt chuckles, grabbing his bag and some bacon for the road. 

“Come on, pretty boy. Higgbotem awaits!” 

✦

Astoria and I sit with our backs against a tree as the boys, Theo, Enzo and Matt, are piling up sticks for a fire. We are out on the bank of the Black Lake where the water cuts into the Forbidden Forest, and therefore we are hidden from view of the castle. Tori and I are bundled up with a blanket and my frame is swallowed by Mattheo’s hoodie, enveloping me in his scent. He practically forced it over my head as we made our way down here.

“Soo, you and Matt, huh?” Tori asks me with a smirk, wiggling her eyebrows at me and pinching at the fabric around my arm. 

“What about it?” I chuckle as Theo chucks a stick at the back of Matt’s head playfully. 

“Girl, fucking spill. I spend way too much of my time around boys and I need some gossip,” she exclaims and I bust out laughing. 

“I don’t know, it’s fun, new,” I shrug and pull the long sleeves on the hoodie over my hands, still not sure how to explain the way I feel around Mattheo Riddle. 

“He really likes you, you know,” she smiles, watching the boys playfully bickering. “I’ve known Mattheo since we were little and I have never once seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. He’s different with you, happier. I think I’ve seen him smile more in the last month than I did all last year.” I listen closely to Astoria while watching Matt, Theo and Enzo start the small fire and smile. 

“I don’t know, I feel like I’m messing things up for him sometimes,” I confess, “Elladora is going to be pissed and I haven’t even thought about what him mum might think, let alone anyone el-”

“Mia, I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Tori interrupts, “Mattheo Riddle has never been one to care what anyone else thinks about him, and Medusa Riddle is a kinder woman than life has allowed her to be. At least that’s what it seems like to me,” she shrugs, pushing her dark hair away from her face. Suddenly, the boys start cheering as the fire roars to life. 

“Haha! We make fire!” Matt cheers in a goofy, caveman-like voice, his fists raised in the air. 

“Very impressive mastery of a first year spell, boys!” I laugh as Mattheo turns to smile at me and moves to sit next to me, the fire light dancing on his face and highlighting the sharpness of his features. 

“You look good in my hoodie, Princess,” Mattheo says quietly to me, and I smile, heat rushing into my cheeks. “Thanks for coming.” 

“Anytime-” 

“Ah! Bout fucking time!” Theo says, looking over our shoulders as Evan and Elladora emerge through the trees. 

“The fuck?” Elladora says as her eyes land on me and she stops dead in her tracks. Evan keeps walking into the circle, his eyes wide like he’s thinking ‘here we go,’ moving to the cooler the boys brought and pulling out a beer.“No, what the hell is she doing here?” 

“Ella, c’mon can we just have a fun night?” Mattheo asks from my side. 

“No, not if she’s here. I can’t believe you would bring her here without even telling anyone!” Elladora exclaims, but as she looks around at everyone else it's clear from their faces they did know. “Seriously?!” 

“We didn’t think you’d come if I told you,” Mattheo says, his fists clenched at his side and I can tell he’s trying hard to keep his cool. 

“Salazar, Mattheo! It’s bad enough you’re spending time with the princess but now you expect us to as well?” Elladdora’s pale face is flushed with anger as she stands with her arms crossed just outside of the treeline, glaring at me and Mattheo with more hatred than I’ve seen from her. 

“Can you not talk about me like I’m not here? I’m the one you have a problem with,” I snap at her, feeling defensive of Mattheo and myself. 

“If you don’t like it then leave, bitch,” she snaps viciously.

“Huh, I could say the same to you!” I retort, standing up. 

“I told you to stay the hell away from him and us and that you would regret what happens if you didn’t,” she says darkly, taking a few threatening steps towards me. I see Theo and Enzo whispering and exchanging Sickles out of the corner of my eyes, whispering about betting on us. 

“You don’t get a say in my life, Lestrange,” I snap, standing my ground. 

“Told you, mate,” Evan says quietly to Mattheo. 

“Told him what? That I would be pissed about the Gryffindor Bitch inviting herself into our lives? How introspective of you, Evan.” 

“Ella, just calm down-” Astoria says, placatingly but Elladore cuts her off with a glare. 

“No! I’m so tired of this shit! Perfect, innocent, little Euphemia Potter always gets her way and the rest of us just get pushed to the side. Can’t have anyone outshining you, can you, princess?” Elladora mocks, the nickname that I’ve grown to love from Mattheo’s lips sounds harsh and cruel on hers. She continues forward until she and I are face to face, her dark eyes boring into me angrily. “You just run around and do whatever you want, break whatever rules or friendships or hearts you want all because you think a little scar gives you the right. And they all buy into it, worship at your feet for a bloody accident. The Children Who Lived lost their dear parents and the world raises them up as saviors while the rest of us struggle along by ourselves.” 

“Enough!” Mattheo’s voice cuts through the night air. My eyes don’t leave Elladora’s but I hear Mattheo’s footsteps on the rocky shore step up to me and his hand wraps around mine. “Mia is my girlfriend and if you can’t accept that, well that is on you, Ella. You don’t get a say in my life and unless you can be the supportive friend I had hoped would show up tonight, then feel free to leave.” My head snaps to Mattheo at the word girlfriend, a word we have been skirting around for weeks, one I figured would send him running. 

“Girlfriend?” Elladora sneers, her eyes now trained on Mattheo. She takes a step towards him, glaring up at him. “What would your father say if he were here?” 

“I don’t give a shit what a dead man thinks,” Mattheo snaps, his eyes darkening and voice dangerous. Elladora watches him for a long moment before flicking her eyes my way for a second. 

“I guess we’ll see,” she says darkly before shaking her head and turning on her heel and stalking away from us. 

“What did she mean by that: we’ll see?” I ask, looking at Mattheo. He shakes his head wearily and lets out a long breath. 

“Nothing, just an empty threat because she had nothing else to say,” he responds, sounding weary. Astoria stands up and takes a step towards the direction Elladora stopped off in. 

“Tori, just let her cool off for a while. I’ll talk to her later,” Evan says and takes a swig from his beer. 

“I’m sorry, Matt. I don’t want to come between you and your friends,” I say quietly to the boy in front of me who is still clinging to my hand. 

“You’re not, Mia. Ella’s problem is not your fault,” he grumbles, his thumb running along the back of my hand. “And don’t you dare offer to leave so she’ll come back,” he adds, knowing me too well and pulling on my hand so I step closer to him. 

“You called me your girlfriend,” I say quietly. 

“Yeah, sorry I know we haven’t talked-'' I kiss him to stop him talking and his arms wrap around my waist as we get lost in each other, forgetting there are others around us until Enzo speaks up. 

“If you guys are going to be like that, then go somewhere we can’t see or hear it!” 

“Sorry, Enzo. I know you're too innocent for all that,” I tease as Mattheo steps away from me slightly with a cocky smirk on his lips and pulls me back down to sit against the tree as Theo throws some more wood on the fire. 

“I can’t believe Mattheo Riddle has a girlfriend. Never thought I’d live to see the day! Let alone a Potter,” Evan laughs, shaking his head. 

“You’re just jealous!” Mattheo retorts back with a playful smirk before looking to me, “He’s always had the hots for you.”

“Aw, Evan, I’m sorry,” I say playfully, as Mattheo pulls out a cigarette and lights it by snapping his fingers and producing a flame, like I taught him last year. 

“Hey, no worries, Potter. When you’re tired of this fucker, I’ll be waiting,” Evan winks at me and Mattheo throws a pinecone at his head, making all of us bust out laughing. I take the cigarette from Mattheo and take a drag myself. 

“Oi! Thief,” he says playfully. 

“Consider it payment for my coffee this morning!” I say, pushing his arm back so he can’t grab it back. 

“Okay, as much as I’m enjoying the love bird show I’m changing the topic. Triwizard Tournament. Whose entering?” Theo says from the other side of the fire, now with his own cigarette and beer. 

“I’m good. Not big on school wide events,” Mattheo grumbles, pushing himself off the ground. He strides towards the cooler and brings two bottles back, handing one to me and he steals his cigarette back with a wink. 

“You play Quidditch,” Enzo points out, leaning back on the ground. 

“That’s different!” 

“I don’t think I would have the time even if I wanted, my course load is so full this year,” Astoria sighs, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. 

“It's a thousand Galleon prize if you win though!” Evan says, “I’m going for it.” 

“I thought Dumbledore said you had to be nineteen to enter,” I point out, and take a sip of my beer as Mattheo wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. 

“Maybe we can sneak our names in somehow,” Theo muses, causing Enzo and Evan and Astoria to all chime in at once with varying degrees of thinking it's possible. I look to Mattheo at my side who is already staring at me with a soft smile. 

“What?” I ask. 

“Nothing,” he says quietly, “You look fucking fit in my hoodie,” he whispers before kissing me on my forehead and pulling me closer, causing my heart to flutter and my stomach to do somersaults. 

a/n; i wrote this before TTPD came out (didn't pay much attention to the track list bc i wanted to be surprised) and when i heard alchemy all i could think about is matt and mia and then i come to edit this chapter today and i totally forgot i wrote they are both taking alchemy lmao

taglist; @purplegardenwhispers @somethingswiftandstyles @weasleyreidstyles @mayamonroem @girlbooklover555 @stxrszurzolo @abaker74

[idy-ll-ique]

My Little Secret.

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Innocent!F!Reader

Genre : Fluff, little bit of Angst

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: Y/N listens to music 24/7 on Spotify. At first Ransom is irritated, but now he knows just how to use the application to his benefit. I mean, come on, it can't be considered stalking if it's his wife, right?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! oml a ransom drysdale fanfiction 😳 if I ever meet this asshole in real life I'd sock him in the jaw but in fiction? mamma mia. enjoy!

---

Does she really love an app more than me?

Ransom scoffed to himself as he opened his laptop, clicking on the music app, Spotify. He rarely used it, but his wife was obsessed with it. She listened to music 24/7; singing along to the soft tunes in her playlists while working, reading, cleaning, cooking, anything. Ransom thought it was insane how submerged she was in the activity.

Until that activity gave him an upper-hand in their relationship.

When he had first opened the app on his laptop, he was a tad bit surprised at the "Friends Activity" feature. He saw her account. Then, as more months passed, he started noticing how when she was happy, she'd always be listening to some happy playlist, when she was sad she'd be listening to sad songs, et cetera. And he started using it to his advantage.

Now, everyday before leaving his office he'd check the app to see what playlist she was listening to. If it was a happy, dance playlist, well and fine. But a sad one? Ransom's mood would also sour because my darling is not feeling okay. While going home, he'd buy something for her; mostly flowers or chocolates, or a nice little trinket that he'd find in the displays of shops that he thought his wife would enjoy.

He never told her about it. What he was doing would be considered stalking but come on, is it stalking if she's your wife? As the app finally loaded, his eyes immediately strayed to the Friends Activity and his heart clenched when he saw her listening to her sad playlist that she had named Melancholy. Sighing, he turned off the laptop and left his office for the night.

As he drove back home, he stopped outside a flower shop and bought an adorable little bouquet of mixed flowers. "She'll love it," the florist assured him, assuming he was buying it for his significant other. He gave her a quick smile and got back into the car, driving home as fast as he could. When he reached home, his heart broke at the sniffle he heard.

"Kitten?" Y/N's head shot up at her husband's voice as she hurriedly wiped her tears, getting up from her spot on the couch. "Hi, welcome home," she whispered, giving him a quick peck on the lips, smiling widely to avoid being caught. "Hello, how was your day?" He wanted to sigh, to chide her for keeping her bad mood from him, but he only smiled at how cute she looked trying to hide her true feelings.

"It wasn't bad! So, shower first and dinner later or dinner first?"

Now was the time. "Kitten, the truth, please. How was your day?" He raised a stern eyebrow when her face fell. How does he always read me so well? Knowing she couldn't hide now, she hung her head low as her shoulders sagged. "It was bad," she muttered. Ransom pulled her close, her head resting on his chest, his chin atop her head. "What happened? I swear if it's those fucking coworkers of yours—"

Her silence gave him the answer. The thing is, when Ransom and Y/N had started going out, everyone in the city was shocked. A cute, innocent little thing like her dating an asshole like him? Why? She had lost quite a few friends when she told them, but Ransom was there for her. "You don't need them, you have me." He was right. While the world saw him as a first-class jerk, he was the softest soul with her.

Her priorities were always placed before his. He took care of her, treated her like no previous boyfriend of hers had, and within 2 years of dating, he had proposed. People were even more shocked. She managed to get him to settle down?! How?! Then the gossip began. "He has to be cheating, I mean look at him. Look at her," she had heard one time after the engagement. That had made her super upset.

"Ransom, they're talking… someone said you were cheating on me…" She had broken down on his chest that night, crying her eyes out. And Ransom had immediately switched off the television. He sat up, holding her close. "You know I'd never do that, angel. Why would I, when you're with me? Do you really think those women out there have the same effect on me that you do? Huh?"

"Well, they said… they said I was ugly."

"What?! Those fucking whores—"

"Ransom, don't call them that," she had chided, swatting his chest. He caught the hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each fingertip. "If it makes you feel better, no, I'm not cheating on you. I love you a little too much to do that. You mean the world to me, Y/N, there's no one on this planet I'd rather be with than you. And you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen, in and out," he told her sincerely.

Her crying ceased. "Thank you." And he held her close the entire night, rubbing her back as she slept on him. People talking about him? He could handle that, God knows he had been handling that for years. But them talking about her? His perfect, angelic, goddess-like fiancée? No, no, he wouldn't handle that. That whole thing was 4 years ago. People still talked.

"What did they say to you, Y/N?" he asked, coming back to the real world.

"They asked me why I was still with you." He exhaled loudly through his nose when Y/N's arms tightened around him. "I told them I loved you. You are nice, you're not what everyone says you are. But then Amy talked about… about how you used to be— what was the word she used? Oh, uh, yeah, she said you were something of a Casanova before you met me. But I told her that was over."

His arms snaked around her waist, his fingers gently dancing over her hips as she continued speaking. "She insisted that people can't just change over a small period of time. I tried ignoring her but then she started gossiping with someone else about you. And then I snapped at her. But you know me…" Ransom hummed, pressing his lips to her forehead.

His wife had a docile soul. Everything from her looks to her mannerisms was soft. She couldn't yell, she couldn't tell people off— she was too pure to do that. The world needed people like her, to be honest. That was also one of the things he liked about her. Sometimes, he thought about how beneficial it would be for her to hold her own in a fight, but his ego shoved the thought down each time.

He liked being her big protector. He loved taking care of her like that. "Yes, I know, angel. You're too good for this world, you know that?" he mumbled, slightly pulling away from her so he could cup her face, looking into her eyes. She huffed and looked away. "I'm too soft. I can't help it. I don't want to be this way." He chuckled and leaned over to kiss her. "Oh no, you should definitely be this way."

"Why?"

"Because it suits you. Don't change for people who don't even care about you. I like you like this; gentle, caring… you have the biggest heart in the world, Y/N. And I want to keep it that way. Don't let people ruin your innocence. Keep being you." He pressed her closer when she started sniffling again. "You're too good to me," she pouted and he laughed. "That's my duty as your husband, kitten. Look, I bought flowers."

He took out the bouquet from his bag, smiling when Y/N's eager hands accepted it. "Thank you! Oh, these are so beautiful! Let me replace the flowers in the vase on the dining table!" Squealing, she walked away from him, leaving him to stare after her with an infatuated smile. You have no idea what you do to me, angel.

---

"Night, Ran," Y/N yawned, keeping her phone away. He held his arm up and Y/N snuggled into his side, allowing him to wrap his arm around her side. "Night, sweetheart," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her nose. He watched TV for some time until the match got boring; then he switched it off and carefully lay down on the bed, about to doze off when Y/N's phone rang. He blinked. Who'd be calling at his hour?

He lifted the phone off the nightstand, grimacing when he saw the Caller ID. Amy. As soon as he picked the phone up, Amy started blabbering. "Hi! Sorry I'm calling so late, Y/N, but I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you at work today. It was wrong of me, really, I hope you can forgive me!" Ransom stayed silent, his jaw clenched. He had been hearing that line for years.

"Ransom, it's okay, she apologized, she won't be doing it again. She told me so herself!"

It was never the last time.

"Are you done?" he snapped and Amy froze on the other side. "M-Mr Drysdale—" "Listen, I don't want to hear it. I'm not Y/N; she has a heart of gold, God, I wonder why I let her hang out with people whose hearts are made of pure shit. How many times have you apologized for the same thing, huh? Using my girl's pure heart to your fucking advantage like that?"

"You're being—"

"I'm being what? I'm being rude? Who started it? If you ever mention our marriage in front of Y/N again, I'll have your fucking head." Amy bristled on the other side. "Are you threatening me?" Ransom smirked. "If you don't want to be threatened, I suggest you keep your nose out of other people's business. What mine and Y/N's relationship is like is no one's concern."

Amy stayed silent. "Gossiping won't get you anywhere. I have the best lawyers in the city, and I swear, if Y/N comes crying to me one more time about how someone was rude to her, I'll sue. Trust me, I will take legal action. Is that understood?" Amy quaked at his menacing tone. "Y-Yes, sir." Ransom's lips curled into a devious smile. "Great." And he ended the call.

"Ransom, who was that?" Y/N sleepily murmured next to him. She hadn't heard a word of the conversation, but could tell he was on the phone. "No one you need to worry about, sweetheart, go to sleep. I'm here." He lay down next to her, pulling her close. "You know, I have a question." He nodded at her to go on. "How do you always know when I'm going to be in a bad mood?"

"What do you mean?" he smiled, knowing exactly what she meant. "I mean, I have been wondering for years! Everytime I happen to be in a bad mood, you bring home a gift. It's like— it's like you can read my mind! How?! It can't be a coincidence, it has happened a lot of times for it to be a coincidence," she rambled and Ransom's heart fluttered at how innocent and adorable she looked.

"I have my ways," he teased, lightly poking her nose. "You're not gonna tell me, are you?" she pouted and he couldn't help but lean forward, pressing his lips to hers. "Nope, just so I can keep surprising you." She giggled, snuggling further into his arms until her face was pressed into his bare chest. "I love you so much, Ransom," she whispered. "I love you more, my sweet little angel."

Both of them went to sleep with giddy smiles on their faces.

Oh, and the Spotify thing? That was his little secret. Shh, don't tell anyone!

---

A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

[okskz]

Cupcake.

mia + changbin

mia surprises changbin for his birthday with a cupcake while he’s in the studio.

hope you guys enjoy! and let me just say thank you to the ones who are still reading my aus. I know I haven’t done the best at updating regularly like I used to but I still love writing for yall. this is something I truly enjoy and I apologize for not posting at times. life just gets in the way sometimes. but anyways! feedback is greatly appreciated!

[9th Member of Stray Kids]

“here, so just do this.” chan told mia. “and it will sound like this.” mia did as chan said, moving and tapping around some buttons until the beat she was working on sounded like she wanted.

she was currently in the studio with chan, changbin and jisung producing new songs. mia had mentioned to them that she at least wanted to help with some songs that could be on the album. and of course, they made it happen. “how does that sound?” she smiled brightly.

“amazing.” changbin patted her shoulder. “I wonder who showed you how to do that.” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“oh, you know. some fool named changbin.” mia teased. she softly chuckled when seeing changbin’s face drop. “funny, galindo. very funny.” he scoffed.

“now you’ll just need some lyrics.” jisung suggested. mia didn’t remember the last time she had wrote any lyrics for their songs. it’s not that she didn’t like it, it was more she thought they weren’t good enough. she tend to always need help from the boys when it came to tweaking them a little.

and they never hesitated to help mia out.

“and then this song will make it the album?” mia questioned. “perhaps it will.” chan nodded. “and you’ll have credits to writing and producing.” he added.

“oh, sweet!” mia exclaimed. “then I guess for now on I can be the newest member of 3racha.” she smirked. all three boys looked at mia funny, shaking their heads. “we can go by 4racha now. it has a ring to it right?”

changbin made a disgusted face at the girl. “oh, god no.” he said. “just stick to the fact that you’re a stray kid instead and be glad chan was nice enough to put you in the team.”

“seo changbin!” mia hit him across his chest. jisung and chan began to laugh while changbin winced in pain. “now, who’s going to help me with lyrics?”

“see, you know I’ll always be down to help you, mia.” chan began. “but for once I cannot. you should do them on your own, you’ll never know how good you are unless you try.”

“cut the crap, chris. you don’t want to be here because you’re going to go talk on the phone with elsy.”

chan’s face began to turn red. he knew mia wasn’t wrong at all. but it didn’t hurt to try and lie. and mia knew about chan and elsy’s everyday phone calls. it happened almost all the time at 11pm. “one day I’ll learn to lie like you.” chan said. “but goodbye!” he rushed out the studio.

mia smiled brightly at jisung. in which he ended up just shaking his head. “wish I could too. but-“

“save it.” mia rolled her eyes. “I guess that leaves you.” she grinned at changbin. mia noticed the way changbin was about to decline. “and you have no choice! I really need your help.”

“just say you want to spend time with me, galindo.” he wiggled his eyebrows. mia scoffed. “as if.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” jisung hurried his way out, not wanting to hear more of mia and changbin banter. but in all honesty, mia was a little bit happy to have only been her and changbin. because in like an hour it would be his birthday.

the girl had hid a cupcake and candle in another room just for him. and if she was being more honest to herself, she had kind of missed when it was just the two of them being together in the studio room. mia wanted that again, but of course in a different manner. just as friends.

“because you’re making me do this, I’m going to write the most hardest and fastest rap part in a song and make you take it.” changbin joked. “see how you like that.”

“yah!” mia exclaimed. “I’ve actually gotten better! have been able to do it with no mistakes.”

“yeah, because of my help.” changbin thumped mia on her forehead. “say thank you, binnie.”

“thank you… fool.” mia laughed loudly.

the two sat down next to each other, mia sitting crisscross on the rolling chair as she scooted herself closer to changbin. “okay! let’s get started. trying to make my debut as a 3racha member!”

“not happening, galindo.” he shook his head. “just stick to dancing and being pretty.”

mia softly gasped. “so you think I’m pretty?” she teased. changbin rolled his eyes, trying to think of a comeback. “yeah, pretty ugly.” he said. “now let’s finally start on this so we can go home.”

“and here I thought we were getting along again.”

about thirty minutes had passed by when changbin and mia had came up with some lyrics. it was mostly mia who came up with them and changbin was there for support and to change anything if necessary. but overall, he thought mia did good with writing.

now, he had placed the microphone in front of the girl to start a bit of recording, since they were already in the studio. “almost perfect, try once more.” he said. “but on this part, trying to go a little faster.”

mia did as she was told. “got it.” and had aced it perfectly. changbin began smiling wide, patting mia on her shoulder. “yes, galindo!” he cheered. “you really have improved a lot.”

“does this mean-“

“no, this doesn’t mean you become a 3racha member.” changbin chuckled when seeing mia pout her lips. he caught himself staring too long at the girl and quickly looked away. “let me just add this to the song and then we will be set for the night. and then we can finish maybe tomorrow.”

“sounds like a plan.” mia smiled. she sat there silently as changbin began to work. she was looking at what he was doing, she always tend to do that so she could learn a bit more. mia looked down at changbin’s hands and rightaway noticed the bracelet he was wearing.

it was the bracelet mia had gotten him for his birthday two years ago. she smiled when she remembered the day she got it then the day she gave it to him. it was the one he had been wanting and mia got it for him as a gift. “you still wear this?” she questioned as she softly touched on the bracelet.

changbin slightly flinched from her touch, looking down at his wrist. “yeah. of course I do.” he said. “it was one of my best birthday gifts.”

mia grinned. she looked up at the clock to see it was close to midnight. meaning it was changbin’s birthday soon. “I’ll be right back. gonna use the restroom.” she lied. “okay, I’m almost done by the way.”

mia said nothing more as she made her way out and into the room where she had changbin’s cupcake. she waited just a few more minutes until the time finally read midnight. when she got closer to the door, mia placed the candle in the middle of the cupcake and lit it up with the lighter she had.

“happy birthday!” she cheered as soon as she walked back inside the studio room. changbin was startled at first but began smiling when seeing mia with a cupcake in hand. mia began to sing in english as changbin stood up to stand right in front of her.

“-happy birthday dear binnie, happy birthday to you.” she finished. “make a wish!”

changbin closed his eyes for a second, silently making a wish. then gently blew out the candle. “ah, mia. thank you for this.” he took the cupcake from her hands, taking some of the frosting on his finger and licked it off. he placed it down before going in to give mia a hug. its definitely been awhile since she had last felt a hug from changbin.

it was almost a foreign feeling but at the same time it was a gesture she had gotten used to back then. she’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t miss the old times.

the hug felt like it had last forever before the two finally broke apart. mia let out a small chuckle as she stared at changbin and the two just stood there silently again.

changbin kept his eyes locked on mia, and the girl felt her heart thumping. she didn’t know if it was from nervousness or because of something else.

and in just a few seconds, everything happened so quick when the two attached their lips together for a kiss. mia holding on to changbin’s shirt and changbin cupping mia’s face.

they kissed slowly, moving in sync with each other. mia even gripped on changbin’s shirt more. but as fast as the kiss happened, it also ended quickly.

the two couldn’t help but to just stare at one another. both of them not believing what had just happened between the two. “well that was something.” he said, causing mia to slowly laugh. “yeah.” she breathed out.

the atmosphere didn’t change at all between the two. but the both of them knew that the kiss was a wrong move. even mia had to tell herself that.

“let’s go home now.” changbin grinned, taking his dessert in hand and opening the door for mia, where they silently walked back to the dorms.

maybe, just maybe, the both of them still had that little spark. even if they had moved on from their relationship.

[lockley-spktr]

Start With One

Summary: Bucky’s conversation with Sam makes him think of someone who he owes an apology to.

Word count: 2,715 

Warnings: None that I know of. There is some angst if you squint, but this is mostly fluff with the start of friends to lovers.

Author’s note: This is my first time writing for Bucky. I had this idea after I watched TFATWS EP 5 last Friday. It’s been a work in progress since then. Feedback is appreciated!

Every moment that passed by standing in front of your door was agony for Bucky. 

He wasn't sure how’d you react to seeing him after all this time, especially since he had left abruptly without a goodbye or an explanation of where he was going.

Part of him felt like he was overreacting the two of you weren't dating, but you had been friends for nearly a year.

She's your only friend, your best friend. He thought.

Bucky raised his hand to knock on your door one last time, but before he could you opened the door.

When you heard the sound of knocking on your door you ignored it at first, too engrossed in an episode of your TV show. You just figured whoever it was would take the hint and go away, but they didn't. They knocked again, and again, and you realized you couldn't ignore them anymore. 

The last person you expected to see standing in front of you when you swung the door open was Bucky Barnes considering he had been MIA for the past week.

You were angry, he had you worried sick, but when you saw him in front of you alive and well, physically speaking at least, all of those negative feelings momentarily faded away.

Bucky hadn't expected you to embrace him, you could tell by the way he tensed up when you first wrapped your arms around him, but after a moment he relaxed and hugged you back. 

Honestly, you hadn't expected to hug him or for him to hug you back, but you felt a sense of relief knowing he was safe in your arms and that you were safe in his.

When you pull apart Bucky notices your expression change, he should've figured you wouldn't let him off the hook that easy.

“Can I come in?” Bucky asks.

You nod, making your way to the couch, Bucky takes the hint and follows you.

Bucky drops his backpack next to your couch, taking his gloves off as he sits down. You sit down on the opposite end of the couch, keeping a distance between the two of you.

Normally the two of you would practically sit on top of each other, sharing a blanket while you watched a movie or just talked. 

This was different though. This talk wasn't going to be like all the others. 

“It was wrong of me to leave without saying goodbye. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry.” 

“You’re right, you shouldn't have done that, but you're going to have to do a lot better than one I'm sorry.” 

“Doll, I–”

“No, you don't get to do that. You don't get to charm your way out of this one.” 

Bucky shakes his head, “I’m not trying to charm my way out of anything.“

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“Apologize.” 

You scoff, “I told you. You're going to have to do better than one I'm sorry, that won’t fix this.” 

“What can I do to fix this?”

Sighing you run your hand through your hair. You could tell that this was hard for him, you knew how guarded he was, but you thought your relationship was different, Bucky told you everything even the hard stuff. 

You knew about his time as The Winter Soldier and you didn't judge him for it, that wasn't him, you knew that. 

You trusted Bucky and you thought he trusted you, that's why him disappearing and ignoring your calls hurt so much. 

“You can start by explaining a few things to me.”

“Alright, that's fair. I do owe you a few explanations.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Bucky sighs, playing with his hands, “Where do you want me to start?”

You soften a little bit, “Wherever you want to.”

Bucky starts by telling you who he was with and where he was. He spares you the details of exactly what happened. He had a feeling a lot of it would upset you. And the last thing he wanted to do was further upset you.

There were things he couldn't shake that he wanted to tell you about like Zemo practically selling him off; treating him like he wasn't a person, and Ayo removing his arm during their fight, but now wasn't the time for all of that. Bucky wasn't even sure if he was ready to talk about how any of that made him feel. When he was ready, he'd tell you. After all, he had trusted you with everything else so far.

You didn’t have any over-the-top reactions to anything he told you. You knew he could tell you were worried and upset, but you couldn't help it. You care about him. You really care about him. 

You don't say much when he finishes explaining what happened, you just move a little bit closer to him and Bucky feels a wave of relief wash over him. You're still maintaining your distance. He knows he's not out of the woods yet. 

“Why didn't you tell me where you were going? Why didn't you say goodbye?” You ask, your voice sounds so small that it makes Bucky’s heart hurt. 

“I was scared. I didn't know what to tell you, I wanted to protect you.”

You can tell he's telling the truth. It's an innocent enough answer, but it makes your blood boil.

“The truth, you always tell me the truth,” you run your hands through your hair, “I was scared too. I went to go check on you after I saw John on the news with the shield, but you weren't there, then I called you a dozen times, and instead of answering you sent me to voicemail. I care about you. I’ve been worried sick about you for a whole week. By not telling me things and not saying goodbye to me you just made things worse.”

“I’m sorry, I really am,” he pauses, “I’m not used to people caring about me.” 

You move closer to him, “Bucky, I've cared about you since the moment I met you,” taking both his hands in yours you squeeze them, “And I will always care about you.”

Bucky smiles, it's a small one, but it's a genuine one. “I care about you too.” He looks down at your hands in his, “Does this mean we’re okay?”

You nod, “We’re okay, but if you ever disappear on me like that again we won't be, understood?” 

Bucky nods, “Understood.”

You cuddle up against him, “I missed you.”

Bucky relaxes feeling you against him, he moves his hand up and down your arm, “I missed you too.”

“Why'd you bring your backpack with you?”

“You noticed that, huh?”

You chuckle, “Kind of hard not to.”

“I came straight here from the airport. I was with Sam, his sister, and her kids in Louisiana.” 

You look up at him, “Oh, what were you doing there?”

“I went to deliver something from the Wakandans. I ended up staying there for a bit to help out with boat repairs.”

“So you and Sam are friends now?”

“We’re co-workers.”

“You're definitely friends, but okay Bucky, whatever you say.” 

That makes Bucky laugh. Yeah, they were friends now, but he wasn't going to admit that to you or Sam for that matter. 

“Why'd you come straight here from the airport?” 

“Sam and I had a talk. He said something that wasn't about you, but it got me thinking about you. And I told you, I missed you. I wanted to see you.” 

“What did Sam say?” 

“We were talking about my list amends, he told me I was avenging rather than amending–”

You cut him off, “He's right about that.”

“Yes, Doll, I'm aware of that now.”

“As long as you're aware, keep going.” 

“He told me I have to be of service to the people I'm trying to make amends with. I need to make them feel better and bring them closure.” 

“He's also right about that, but how did that get you thinking about me? You didn't wrong me or anyone I know as the Winter Soldier.”

“I know that, but I owed you an apology and clarity about where I ran off to without saying goodbye,” he pauses looking down at you, “And to be fair you were on my mind the whole time I was gone. You're the most important person in my life, you know that, right?”

You nod, “Now I do. And I appreciate your apology. I know that coming here to have an uncomfortable conversation wasn't easy for you. You've come a long way and I'm proud of you.”

Bucky shakes his head, “I haven't come that far.” 

You sit up and face him, “Don't do that.” 

“Don't do what?” 

“Put yourself down like that. You have come a long way. You should give yourself credit for that.”

“Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.”

“Hey, I know that sometimes your thoughts aren't your friends and your brain feels like your own worst enemy, trust me, I do, but those negative thoughts are lying to you,” you hold his hands, “You're a good man Bucky, you deserve to be happy, have moments of calm, and have a good life.”

“Doll, I've done terrible things.”

“That wasn't you, you know that. You didn't have a choice, you weren't in control.”

“But I remember all of them, I have memories of that time of my life.”

“So? That doesn't mean that was you. Bucky, what you experienced was traumatizing. You aren't just going to forget that time of your life even though you weren't the one in control,” pausing you rub your thumbs over his knuckles, “Let me ask you this, do you want to do any of what he did back then now?”

Bucky shakes his head, “No of course not.” 

“You wouldn't do any of that now when you have control of your mind, so that means that isn't who you are. You aren't the Winter Soldier, you're James Bucky Barnes.”

“I don't know who James Bucky Barnes is anymore.”

“Who do you want him to be?”

“What?”

“You’re free to be whoever you want to be now, James Bucky Barnes gets to be whoever you want him to be. You don't have to answer my question out loud, just answer it for yourself, you're the only person who needs to know the answer.”

“Sam told me that I have to stop looking at other people to tell me who I am.”

You smile, “I gotta meet this Sam guy, he seems like he's pretty smart.”

Bucky laughs at that and rolls his eyes.

“He's right though. If you keep looking at others to tell you who you are you won't ever truly know who you are.” 

Bucky sighs, “I know, Doll, I know.”

“Why don't you try going on some more dates? Put yourself out there, Ya know? It might be a good way to meet new people and learn more about yourself in the process.” 

It pained you to say that, but if anybody deserved to be with somebody it was Bucky. Although you couldn't deny that you'd like to be that somebody. The thought of losing him hurt too much, you decided that his friendship was enough, you just wanted to keep him in your life.

Bucky groans, “You know I hate those dating apps.”

You roll your eyes letting out a soft chuckle, “I never said you had to use a dating app. You could just go out and meet someone in public, Ya know like you used to do back in the day?”

“You did not just “back in the day” me.”

“Oh yes, I did.”

“That's a low blow.” 

“Sorry old man, I can't resist sometimes,” you nudge his leg with yours, “Seriously, anyone would be lucky to go on a date with you, I meant what I said earlier, you're a good man.”

Bucky shifts in his spot so he's fully facing you, he holds your hands and brushes his thumb over your knuckles,  just like you did for him moments ago. 

You can tell he wants to say something, he's got that look on his face. You noticed he had shifted in his spot, he had fully opened up to you physically, but still, he wasn't saying anything. 

“What is it, Bucky?”

“Why don't we go on a date?”

Looking at him your eyes go wide, you hadn't been expecting him to say that, “What?”

Your voice was soft, Bucky could tell his question surprised you. In all fairness, it had surprised him too. There had been a few times where he almost asked you out, but he never did. He was always too scared to go through with it.

He didn't want to ruin your friendship, he didn't want to lose you. So Bucky never said anything at all, he always told himself that his friendship with you was enough and it was, but he wanted more. 

The only person Bucky wanted to go on a date with was you.

“Y/N, I like you, I want to take you out on a date.”

The smile on your face reaches your eyes. Bucky swears his heart is about to burst.

“Really? You like me?” You ask in disbelief and Bucky can't help the laugh he lets out at that as he nods, “Yes, really, I like you.” 

Now you're laughing, full of joy as you wrap your arms around him, the position is awkward since the two of you are still seated on the couch, but neither you nor Bucky care.

“I take it that the feeling is mutual?” Bucky asks, his voice is playful, but you can hear the serious tone that's underlying. 

You pull away from him, that smile still on your face, “Yes Bucky, it is.” 

“So you're going to let me take you out on that date?”

“Of course.”

“Where do you want to go?” He asks.

“That's up to you to decide.” You answer snuggling up to his side again, Bucky wraps his arm around you and you feel him relax.

“Why do you want me to decide?” He asks.

“Because you can.“

It's a simple answer, but it holds so much weight. Both of you know that.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a while after that. Bucky’s moving his hand up and down your arm. His hand is warm and his touch is soft. 

After a while Bucky breaks the silence, clearing his throat as he looks at his watch, “Doll, it's late. I should go.” 

You look up at him, “You don't have to go. You can stay if you want to.”

Bucky looks down at you, “Yeah?”

You nod, “Yeah. We can sleep in my bed or we can sleep on the couch, it might be a little bit more firm than my mattress.” 

“I don't think we’ll fit comfortably on the couch. I don't want you to be uncomfortable because of me.”

“Bucky, you could never make me uncomfortable. And the couch pulls out into a bed. The mattress isn't all that great, but it's certainly better than the floor. Although if you wanted me to I would sleep on the floor with you.”

“I know you would but the couch is fine, I promise.”

You get up and extend your hand to him, “Come on, help me set up.”

Bucky doesn't say anything, he just takes your hand with a smile on his face getting up off the couch. 

The two of you have the pull-out bed set up in no time. You go into your room to get pillows, while Bucky makes himself comfortable on the bed. 

A few minutes go by before you make your way back into the living room, putting the pillows on the bed you look down at Bucky, “Do you need anything before I lay down?” 

Bucky shakes his head, “Just need you.”

You laugh shaking your head. There it is, that charm. 

Once you're under the covers you look up at him, “Hold me, please?” 

“‘Course.” 

Bucky rests his chin on your head and wraps his arms around you.

“You’re warm,” you mumble into his chest causing him to chuckle softly, “I’m glad you're here, Bucky.”

“I’m glad I’m here too, Doll.”

[inmyownlaine]

Hi,love your writing and was wondering if I could request a John Murphy fluff/angst based on season 2or3 where the reader and him get in an argument about him ‘being with Emori’ but he likes the reader?

John Murphy x Reader: Promises

*Absolutely! Thank you for the suggestion. Also, let's just act like I haven't been MIA for literal months :)

GIF//

Warnings: None to my knowledge!

Word Count: 2078

────────────────────────────────────────────

“Don’t go,” you begged, grabbing Murphy’s hand as it swung carelessly behind him. When your fingers touched his skin, Murphy stopped immediately. He inhaled heavily through his nose, trying to control the sadness and desire that you sent rippling through his body.

“Murphy, please,” you whimpered.

Murphy’s shoulder dropped as he let the single strap of his backpack slide down his arm. Your eyes lit up, hoping that was a positive sign. Hoping that you were enough to make him stay.

“I can’t.”

“You can,” you said assertively. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he replied, apologetic eyes looking at you between half-closed eyelids. He was right. You didn’t understand. He had nothing to apologize for. He didn’t have to prove himself to you. Or ask for your forgiveness. None of the things that his blue eyes seemed to convey.

“You don’t need redemption.”

“But if I go now, maybe when I come back-”

“What?” you interrupted. “Everything will suddenly be different?”

“Is it so wrong to want that?” he questioned softly, a shaky sigh leaving his body. You tightened your grip, white knuckles against red calloused ones. Just another casualty of his bad temper.

“Of course not. But you’re not going to fix anything by leaving. You need to stay. Stay and show them who you can be. Don’t leave and prove them right.”

Murphy dropped his head, fixated on your two hands intertwined. There was a lot more going on than the surface discussion. You danced around being in love by using double meanings and knowing glances. This wasn’t about him leaving to find himself. It was about him leaving you.

Glassy eyes meet together in a flurry of uncertainty and passion. The pit of your stomach churned as Murphy leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. They barely touched before he pulled away, eyes closed. It was a kiss that you never wanted to experience, especially being your first.

You knew he was leaving.

“Don’t cry,” he told you, hearing a sniffle escape. His eyes still rested, he quietly spoke, “I will be back. I promise. I have something to come back to.”

“Murphy, I-”

“I promise.” He now faced the reality of the situation, confronting his fears head on as he stared into your bloodshot eyes. There was no way he would ever be the cause of this again. He just needed one chance to make you proud. To clear his name.

“I promise.”

────────────────────────────────────────────

The taste of dirt and sweat caused you to gag as you were manhandled into the unknown. You had no idea why you were the target of a kidnapping. If anything, you laid low and kept to yourself. Regardless, you followed the directions given to you, fearing what would become of your life if you didn’t.

“I’ve brought you some company!” the voice behind you bellowed. You jumped at the sudden noise, interested in the way he practically sang the announcement.

“Who?” another voice asked, seeming alert and slightly panicked. You knew this voice anywhere and it quickly became clear why you were here. Even still, you obeyed the commands given. If you spoke a word, made any noise, it would be the end of your life.

“Worried, are we?” The man started to laugh heartily as you continued to walk. Every thundering step matched the beating of your heart. What would happen when you finally stopped?

There was no response, so the man began to speak. “Someone who wouldn’t shut up about you. Scared for you. Desperate to see you.”

As if being captured weren’t enough, this was just plain humiliating. He didn’t have to recount all the times you pined after Murphy while he was gone. You lost track of the months it had been since you last saw him. This was not how you wanted to reunite.

“Who. Is. It?” Murphy asked yet again. It was dark and menacing. A resemblance of a person that he used to be. You knew that would always be a part of him. Especially when it involved people that he cared about.

“A girlfriend?” the man guessed. You cringed hearing that word, tormenting and taunting you of what never was. But how Murphy replied was even more heartbreaking.

“Emori?” The man began to cackle once more as Murphy cursed and threatened his life. It was terrible to hear the intensity of his love. How much he cared for someone else while you turned others down, waiting for him.

The man gave you one last shove, causing you to fall to your knees. Through minute gaps in the woven sack over your head, you finally caught an amber hue of light. You groaned in pain, trying your best to stay upright with your hands tied behind your back.

There was a brief moment of silence before another outburst broke out. This time, you heard the scuffling of feet against the floor. Fabric harshly rubbed against a scratchy surface. It sounded like an attempt to escape.

“Let her go!” Murphy yelled.

“Why would I do that? I have everything I need, now. Except for the information.”

“Just let her go and I’ll tell you, okay? I’ll tell you everything,” Murphy frantically said.

“But I’m having so much fun. Maybe just one...little…” A cold blade touched your neck, causing a shriek to escape your throat. He put an ounce of pressure against your rapidly thumping artery.

“I swear to God if you hurt her I will kill you!” Murphy’s voice was full of anguish as it broke here and there. It was a frequency in which you had never heard from him. It was harrowing to witness.

The knife was removed from your neck. In a series of exchanges, Murphy gave him the answer to every single question he asked. When the interrogation was over, you were picked up and moved to a new area. Here, you were tied once more around my stomach.

Then, without warning, the bag was removed from your head. You could barely take in my surroundings before Murphy called your name. Tears fell from your eyes as you saw, for the first time in months, John Murphy. Though you had to admit, he looked worse for wear.

“Murphy,” you cried back, wanting more than anything to be able to touch him. To hug him. To take in his scent. You had been without this man for way too long.

“That’s sweet,” the man, who you could now identify as Titus, interrupted. “But I’ve got what I wanted. For now.” And with that, he turned on his heel and exited the room, leaving you and Murphy alone.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Murphy asked immediately.

“I’m fine,” you replied. “But you don’t look good at all.”

“Yeah, well, being tortured does that to a person.”

“He tortured you?” you questioned, breath leaving your body. Picturing someone hurting Murphy made you sick.

“A few times,” he shrugged.

You wanted to be happy. You wanted to ask him about his trip. You wanted to know if he discovered himself. If he found who he truly was. But you couldn’t get past the fact that he said another girl’s name.

You never claimed to be anything more than friends, but you thought it went without saying. A person doesn’t just kiss someone before they leave. Or promise that they would come back to you.

“I hate that I have to see you like this,” Murphy finally said, breaking the silence. “I always imagined coming back to camp with Jaha’s group. We just saved the human race, or something like that. But it didn’t matter, because I was looking for you.”

“Not Emori?” you mumbled, mustering up the courage to be so bold. Murphy’s eyes grew wide as he avoided your haunting gaze.

“Look, it wasn’t supposed to- she just- we were,” he tried to explain, slumping over in the process.

“I waited for you. Every day,” you admitted. “The last thing I did before I went to bed was look out the gate for you. Every morning I woke up with the hope that it would be the day you came back to me.”

You started to sob, recounting the loneliness that you felt. And the fear of not knowing Murphy’s fate. Were you holding out for someone who was dead? Was it hopeless to wish that he would keep his promise?

“I turned people down. I kept faith in you. I told everyone how proud I was. And then to know that you weren’t keeping me with you at all. I wasn’t even a passing thought.”

“It’s not like that,” Murphy said.

“But it is. She’s your girlfriend.”

“I don’t- love her,” he said softly, swallowing hard enough to make his entire throat bob up and down.

“Then what?” You were at the tipping point with Murphy. Exasperated with his short answers and frustrated with the secrets he was holding. If he wouldn’t be honest with you now, there was no way you would ever be with him in the future.

“I’ve been through a lot. More than I expected.” He stared into the distance, seemingly void of emotion. It was like he was lost, trying hard to remember something that he pushed away. “I was trapped. By myself. 86 days. You know how I spent that time?”

You shook your head in response. He was still burning holes in the wall, but somehow knew that you replied. He smirked slightly before saying, “I thought about you. And how good it would feel to see you once I was out. Granted, I went absolutely crazy in there, but you kept me as sane as I could be.”

You couldn’t help but to chuckle at this. “I can’t imagine you any more psychotic than you are now.”

“Is that so?” he bantered, catching you out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re a freak,” you teased.

“Why? Because I’ve killed a few people?”

“Yeah, that probably contributes.” The two of you shared a smile, falling back into old patterns. You missed having a person that you could shamelessly be yourself around. The quick wit and sly comments were always absorbed and thrown back by Murphy. No one else stood a chance against you.

“When he said he had someone,” Murphy carried on, “you’re the first person I thought of. But it seemed impossible until I saw you. I don’t know what came over me. I- I was blind with rage. I tried to fight my way out. Because if he hurt you-”

Murphy couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. You didn’t need him to. You knew what was left to say. You heard the distinct difference, the silence that fell, when he realized you were the captured person and not Emori.

“I know that doesn’t make any of this right, but I just wanted that feeling of safety that you gave me. And Emori was there. I misplaced it. And I’m sorry,” Murphy apologized.

“What about Emori, then?” you pressed.

“She’s a good person, and she will understand. I just couldn’t live with myself if I left you again.”

“You mean that?” Murphy simply nodded, outstretching his fingers in your direction. Even though you couldn’t hold hands, the sentiment remained as you reflected his actions. You were two people trying to make your own light in the darkest of situations.

“I love you,” you managed to choke out, taking in the dried blood on his hairline and the bruises on his skin. His pant leg was ripped at the cuff and his hands were caked in dirt. You needed him to know that no matter what happened, now and forever, that he could carry this with him. Even after death, if fate so decided.

“I love you, too,” he said, without hesitation or a second thought. It was something he wished he had told you the night he decided to leave. The only thing he regretted once he left the compound.

But he had the chance to fix all of that. And in that moment, he swore that once you escaped, he would always be there to protect you. He would always console you and your wondering thoughts. He would love you the way that he should have a long time ago.

He promised he would always find a way to come back to you.

He promised he would never leave.

He promised.

**Hey, it's Lainey. Slightly embarrassing but I am back from the grave! I hope you all enjoy this and still love Murphy as much as I do <3

[plaidbooks]

The R Drug part 4

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long! I got swept up in bingos and lost motivation for it along the way. But it’s here now, and I hope you all enjoy it ❤

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Tags: alcoholism, mentions of alcohol poisoning, a lil bit of a steamy make out, but that’s it

Words: 2114

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart  @beccabarba  @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @ben-c-group-therapy  @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl  @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @caracalwithchips @beardsanddetectives​  @reading--mermaid  @averyhotchner  @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @dreamlover31 @objection-argumentative

Year 1:

Sonny hardly contacts you. You go weeks with nothing from him, only to wake up at 4am with a phone call and a very drunk Sonny.

“Sonny? It’s 4am here—”

“Doll…I’m so—” you can hear how his words slur, and you can also hear that he’s crying— “so sorry, doll. I shoulda neva touched ya like that—”

“Dominick, are you drunk?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, worried and annoyed at once. ��So—sorry…so sorry…” and then he hangs up. You fell back onto the bed, concerned about him; Genoa was only six hours ahead of Manhattan. He was drunk at…10am. That wasn’t healthy.

Unable to fall back asleep, you shot him a text, making sure he was okay before you got in the shower. But he never responded. Sighing, you call his mom; you still had her number since Sonny called her from your phone, and you had been growing close with his parents.

She tells you that she’s worried he’s drinking away his problems, but every time she offers to go to Genoa, he shoots her down, telling her he needs time alone. You’re just worried that time alone means him sinking further and further into the bottle.

 ********************

Year 2:

You saw when your phone lit up, Sonny’s number flashing on your screen. You glanced around the precinct before answering your phone, heading for the on-call room for privacy. It had been three months since you had a drunken call from him, and you were going to lay down the law with him.

“Listen, Sonny, I can’t listen to your drunken ramblings while at work—”

“Ah, shit, ya at work, huh?” he asked, cutting you off. But he sounded lucid rather than drunk. “I’m sorry; I forgot the time difference. I just wanted ta talk, let ya know…I’m not drinkin’ anymore. Look, I’ll let ya go; text me when ya free so we can catch up…please.”

You felt bad for assuming, but with your only contact for the past year being drunk Sonny, it had become habit. “Y—yeah, I’ll see if I can leave early, okay? But don’t stay awake for me.”

“Don’t get in trouble fer me,” he replied, making you chuckle. “I’ll talk ta ya soon…and I’m sorry, fer the past year.”

 *******************

You were no longer with SVU; it had been too hard working there, especially without Sonny. But you also couldn’t deal with the stares, even from your squad. So, you transferred to Homicide instead. And your boss thankfully let you leave early.

You texted Sonny the moment you were home, and instantly he was calling you.

“First, I wanna say I’m sorry fer the drunk calls—”

“Dominick Carisi Jr. If you say the phrase “I’m sorry” one more time, I’m going to fly to Genoa and smack you,” you replied, cutting him off.

He fell silent for a moment before he let out a laugh. “Yeah, I bet ya tired of hearin’ that, huh? Well…After ya left here, I—I spiraled. Hard. Turned ta the bottle, if ya couldn’t tell. But I hit the bottom, and I’m startin’ ta work my way back up.”

“What happened? What bottom did you hit?” you asked, breathless. You were happy he was telling you all this, because you had been so, so worried. But you also didn’t want to pry into his personal life or make him uncomfortable.

It took him a moment to respond. “I…it was 5am when I woke up, shakin’ fer a drink. I remember the first three shots as I made a cocktail, and then…. I woke up in a hospital bed, my stomach pumped. I guess I dropped ta the floor when I lost consciousness, and my downstairs neighbor heard it.”

“Oh my god, Sonny! Are you okay now?” you asked, wanting nothing more than to give him a hug, hold him to you.

“Yeah, I’m good now. I had my stomach pumped and part of my liver cut out, but I’m okay. I no longa have the urge ta drink, and I dumped everythin’ I had. But please, tell me what’s goin’ on with ya; how’s life at the precinct?”

You spent hours talking to Sonny that night, even though it was getting later and later for him. He had so many questions, wanting to know everything going on with you. He vaguely mentioned that he got a job at a grocery store as a cashier, but otherwise, he was focused on you.

 ****************

Year 3:

You and Sonny talked almost every day, falling back into your habits before all this mess happened. You joked around, sent funny pictures to each other, ranted about your days; it was almost as if nothing ever happened. Almost.

From the pictures, you could tell that he was getting tanner, and he started growing out his hair and beard, making you swoon. Not that you’d tell him that; you weren’t sure if he’d be okay with you flirting yet.

But you were happy that things were getting back to normal with you two. It had been almost 4 years since the club incident, and it barely crossed your mind anymore. You had dated since Sonny was in Genoa, but no one seemed to be working for you. At least you could make out with someone without having flashbacks, so you called it a win.

You knew why it wasn’t working out for you, though; you were in love with Sonny, had been since the moment you met him. You were able to move past the club, but you couldn’t move past him. That’s why you had hated yourself so much, and that’s why you felt terrible leaving him behind in Italy. When he kissed you outside the airport in Genoa, you had thought that maybe he had felt the same way about you. Then that first year with drunk Sonny happened, and you weren’t sure about anything anymore.

You were still close with his family, too. Ma Carisi often invited you over for dinner, and you met Sonny’s sisters. You were the emergency babysitter for both Mia (who didn’t think she needed a sitter, until she met you and had fun with you) and Bella’s little girl. And Pa Carisi enjoyed having debates about laws with you, plus the odd sports talk. Slowly, you became one of the family, and you loved them all like your own.

 ***************

Year 4:

Ma Carisi called you, inviting you over for dinner once again. You accepted, telling her you’d be there in thirty. You had to park on the street with all the cars there; the Carisi girls were home for dinner, as well. You smiled as you made your way up the path to the front door, then knocked. The door opened, but instead of Ma Carisi greeting you with a warm smile, it was Sonny.

“Hey doll,” he said, eyes lit up with amusement. You froze for only a moment before you were crushing him in a bear hug. You heard the huff of air as you took the air from his lungs, but you didn’t care; you had missed him so much. You had pinned his arms next to him, so he couldn’t even hug you back.

“Doll…ya crushin’ me…” he gasped, and you finally let him go. Though, you kept your hands on his arms, not believing that he was there, in front of you.

“Are you back for good?” you asked, your voice hushed. You were waiting for him to deny it, for him to say he was only visiting.

“I’m back fer good. Already got my apartment—” He was cut off again as you hugged him, burying your face in his chest. You couldn’t stop the tears that appeared, so happy to have your best friend back. He rubbed your back, murmuring that it’s all okay now, and you had the sudden urge to kiss him. You fought the urge, not wanting to complicate things.

Instead, you ran your hands over his back, then leaned away to look at him. “Have you been working out?” It was true that he was deliciously tan, his hair coifed, and his beard trimmed neatly. He was already so much more attractive than you remembered, even with the pictures he had sent.

He barked out a laugh, a gleam in his eye. “I have, yeah. Whenever I felt the urge ta drink, I instead went to work out. I’m not a body builder or anythin’, though.”

“I’m proud of you, Sonny,” you said, and you meant it. You had gone through hell after the club incident, but Sonny didn’t have a walk in the park either. And you were glad he had found himself.

A pink tint appeared on his cheeks as he smiled at you. He took your hand, kissed your knuckles, and you swooned.

 ******************

After the surprise greeting at the front door, he brought you into the house. Ma Carisi and all his sisters gave you a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Pa Carisi patted your shoulder; the normal greeting from the family. But now that Sonny was there, too, the energy was truly alive. Everyone was smiling and laughing, having a fantastic time together. The talk was loud, happy, and energized. It was almost as if Sonny hadn’t been hiding in Genoa for four years.

After the talk had finally died down, it was time for you to go home. Sonny offered to walk you to your car, and you agreed, not wanting to leave him quite yet.

“I’m so glad you came back, Sonny. I’ve missed you,” you said as you stood by your driver’s side door.

He grinned at you. “A promise is a promise. I told ya I’d come back once I was…better.”

“And are you better? Did you date at all in Genoa?”

His smile faded, and you worried you offended him. You were about to apologize when he spoke. “I am and I did. But no one there was…it fer me, ya know?”

“Yeah…same thing here. I dated a few people, but no one felt right—the spark wasn’t there. At least I had no flashbacks; I hardly remember that night anymore, to be honest,” you said, looking into his eyes, trying to gauge his reaction.

Sonny simply nodded. “Me either, really. It was so long ago…plus, I bet the drinkin’ didn’t help. But I do remember you, showin’ up outta nowhere on a random street in Genoa. Talkin’ me through the worst time of my life.”

“And I remember you, comforting me during a thunderstorm when you didn’t have to do that. Your emotions were everywhere; I couldn’t imagine the turmoil I must’ve put you through—”

“No, no, look at me,” he muttered, his warm hand cupping your cheek. “No matter what happens—in the past or the future—I wanna take care of ya, make sure you’re okay. Comfortin’ ya, it was a slice of normalcy after I thought I’d neva have that again. I needed ya there, and I’m so thankful I had ya.”

You smiled up at him, melting into his touch. His thumb stroked your cheekbone, and you felt closer to him than ever before. “You know what else I remember, Sonny?”

“Hm?”

Slowly, you leaned forward, going slow enough that he had plenty of time to pull away. But instead, he also leaned in until your lips brushed against each other. You smiled softly before you pressed your lips more firmly to his. The hand still cupping your cheek tilted you slightly, letting him kiss you a little more forcefully, his beard tickling you as he moved.

There was the spark that was missing from all your past relationships; you had felt it in the airport, but it wasn’t the right time. Now, however, there was nothing holding you back from deepening the kiss, your tongues coming together in a beautiful dance.

Sonny gently pushed you back against your car, the kiss getting more heated. Your hands went to his shaggy, luscious hair, tugging softly and making him moan into your mouth. His hands dropped to your hips, pushing you back against the car as his tongue memorized your mouth.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from you, both of you panting hard. You were about to suggest he show you his new apartment when he muttered, “I wanna take this slow. Please.”

You shut your mouth, nodding. You’d do anything to make him comfortable and happy. “I can do slow. As long as I have you, Sonny.”

His eyes brightened and he gave you his signature goofy smile. “Ya have me fer as long as ya want me.”

[tooruluv]

Tooru Oikawa x F!Reader ( part 9 )

❝ my love for him is much like winter, a skeleton for the world to see. too bad he never liked the cold. ❞

description: being the neighbor and lifelong best friend of tooru oikawa definitely had it’s perks. you were never an outcast, always had a seat at lunch, got into volleyball games for free. the problem was, however, that being in love with him outweighed those perks. you would never tell him that, though, even if it hurt like hell.

genre: best friends to lovers, angst, unrequited love, fluff if you squint hard enough

word count: 1,442

warnings/notes: i was able to be online for a bit so i wanted to release this (rather short) filler chapter for you guys! <3

tag list: @afuckingunicornn​​​​​​ @maii-flowers​​​​​​ @clandestinerays​​​​​​ @brownandchill​​​​​​ @readeretal​​​​​​ @wedojustbevibin​​​​​​ @shigarakiskitten​​​​​​ @shittykawaa​​​​​​ @saeranoppa​​​​​ @srirachibi​​​​​ @tpwkatsumu​​​​ @sempiternal-amour​​​​ @bokutos-h0e​​​​ @pinknugget​​​​ @intheawks​​​​ @tori218​ @seikamuzu​ @alexthe80swhore​

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You skipped school for a week. It was a full week of heartache; most of which included the following: watching new shows (and finishing them), being brought food by your very understanding mother, crying, taking very long baths, wallowing in self-pity (which is something you tried not to do, but ended up doing anyway), crying until you were dehydrated, and ignoring texts and calls.

A new week was starting when your mom walked into your room, interrupting your daily “stare at the ceiling in sadness”. She sat on the end of your bed by your feet when she said, “It’s time for you to return to life.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Sweetheart, I get it.” She placed a hand on your ankle, trying to pull your attention to her. You kept your eyes on the ceiling. “Trust me, I do. But you can’t continue to isolate yourself from life. You have a beautiful, bright future in front of you. Exams are coming up, and your friends miss you.”

You sighed. “I guess I’ll go.”

“Good! Quite frankly, I’m tired of lying to your friends. Did you know that Iwaizumi resorted to texting me every day?” Your mom stood up, sending you a smile when you followed suit. “Clean your room. I’ll drive you to school tomorrow.”

You agreed, staring at the empty water bottles next to your bed.

Out of the hundreds of texts and missed calls, you decided to text Iwaizumi back first. He was the one who you’ve known the longest (other than the other boy you shall not name) and had helped you through your Love Problems.

you: hey. i’m ok. pls tell me that you’ll be at school tomorrow

iwa <3: fuck dude

iwa <3: you scared the shit out of me i deadass texted your fucking mom

iwa <3: i will be at school tomorrow the question is will you

you: yeah i’m coming. didn’t wanna be alone

iwa <3: you’ll never be alone darling

Despite everything telling you not to, you got up that Monday morning for school. You cleaned your room, you showered, you got a good night’s rest. You even ate breakfast. Yet, you still felt like… well, shit.

Your mother drove you to school, sending you a small smile and wave of encouragement like it was your first day of kindergarten and you were scared to go in. Truth was, you wanted to throw up all over the front doors and go straight back into your bedroom and watch another Gordon Ramsay compilation on youtube.

You sighed and went into Hell (hell being school). You tried to act as normal as possible but it was evident that everyone in the entire school hadn’t moved on from the whole thing, eyes staring at you and inaudible whispers.

“Great.” You mumbled to yourself, whipping your locker open.

It was at that moment that Tooru Oikawa made his appearance. He was walking next to Hanamaki, talking among themselves, when Oikawa stopped dead in his tracks. Hanamaki gave him a small pat on his back before leaving (and effectively leaving the awkward situation that would inevitably happen).

He opened his locker beside you.

“Hi!” He greeted, as though it was the most normal and casual thing ever. “You’re feeling better? Your mom said that…”

You didn’t acknowledge him, closing your locker and walking to class. Maybe you’ll find Iwaizumi before class…

“Whoa. Wait!” Oikawa was walking beside you then, easily catching up to you. “Did you get any of my texts?”

You spun on your heels, finally facing him after a week of being MIA and trying to forget your love for him. He swallowed and stared back at you.

“I don’t know what you want me to do.” You shrugged. “I told you that I needed time. And by that, I mean I need time away from you specifically. I’m not going to entertain the idea of pretending that nothing happened between us because it did.”

Oikawa blinked, nodding. “Okay, okay. Yes.” He purposefully took a step back, literally giving you space. “But can I ask one thing? Just one?”

“Go ahead.”

“For how long?” He asked. “How long do you think it’ll take for you to talk to me again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when the school stops staring at me like a wounded puppy.”

“I’ve missed you!” Sana brought you into a hug, her boobs straight into your face. “I seriously thought that you dropped off of the face of the earth.”

You let a small smile creep onto your lips. The first smile in a while. “Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize. What even happened?”

“That’s a story for later.”

She linked her arm with yours before walking with you to the library. Iwaizumi and Matsukawa sat at the usual table, heads in books like their life depended on it. It wasn’t until you were nearly next to them that they realized you were there. You hadn’t been able to see Iwaizumi all day.

“Oh my god, she’s really here.” Matsukawa exclaimed, a bit too loud for a library. 

Iwaizumi got up from his seat (also very loudly, a squeak from the chair on the floor). He immediately pulled you into a hug, picking you up and putting his head into your shoulder.

“Shittykawa told me what happened.” He mumbled into your neck. You bit the inside of your lip and wrapped your arms around his waist. “I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, but I do want you to know that I know.”

“You always know.” You mumbled back.

Hajime Iwaizumi was walking with Issei Matsukawa when he caught Oikawa leaving your house. He knew immediately that something had happened, that something wasn’t quite right, because Oikawa had his head down. He never had his head down.

Iwaizumi turned to his boyfriend, telling him “I’ll be right back.” Matsukawa gave him a kiss on the wrist before letting him run off.

“Hey man,” Iwaizumi jogged to his best friend. Oikawa stopped, head still at his feet. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi stood in front of him, cutting him off. “Don’t bullshit me. What’s going on? What happened?”

When Oikawa didn’t answer, Iwaizumi put his arms on his shoulders to bring his head up. Oikawa was red-faced, tears running down his cheeks. He was in pain.

“I, um.” Oikawa looked back and forth, never really meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes. “I told her that I’m in love with her. We kissed and I told her that I love her.”

“Oh?” That’s a good thing… right?

“She shut the door in my face. She said that she “thought that she was in love with me too”. And just shut the door.”

“Oh.”

“What if we got married?” Oikawa once asked you, a giggling child in the morning sun.

You both laid in your backyard, the grass long and bugs flew along your heads. You didn’t care. You giggled back to him.

“That’s gross! You have cooties!”

“Not if we’re married I don’t!” Oikawa stuck his tongue out at you.

“We’re too young to get married! We have to at least be old… like 20 years old!”

“Ew!”

You laid like that, giggling and laughing as kids, until your mom called you in for lunch. Oikawa ran to the door (“last one there is a rotten egg!”).

tetsurou kuroo :P: i heard that you’ve finally left the darkness and stepped back into regular life

tetsurou kuroo :P: hajime texted me sorry if that sounded like i’m stalking you.

tetsurou kuroo :P: unless you’re into that... then i’m totally stalking you...

tetsurou kuroo :P: PLS IM KIDDING anyway can i come over today. i have another hoodie for you.

you: you’re cute. i miss you too.

You walked home alone that night. After a while of isolation, human interaction actually seemed like a chore. You just wanted to be alone, even if it was just for a few minutes as you walk.

You heard walking behind you.

“You can walk next to me.” You said, knowing exactly who it was. “I know you don’t have practice on Mondays.”

Tooru Oikawa appeared next to you in only a few seconds, jumping at the offer. The roles were reversed now.

“I don’t want to overstep boundaries.” He said.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, again. For kissing you.”

“I know.”

He stared at you instead of the sidewalk ahead. You kept your eyes on the sky.

“I’m sorry for telling you that I love you, too.”

“Don’t be sorry about that.” You stepped onto your porch where Kuroo stood, waiting for you. “That was the one thing you did right.”

[rubysworld-world-stuff]

In Another Life

Summary: You were saved from the gray world by the Winchester's and find yourself with all the others at their bunker. So many questions about the new world you're in are running through your head. But there is one secret about Dean you are too curious to know.

Word Count: 3186

A/N: I know I've been MIA for a while now. Mostly because I stopped writing fanfiction and writing original short stories instead. But for some reason I have writer's block and thought why not go back to my roots in order to beat it. So here you go. Hope you like it :) (FYI: (Y/N/N) stands for Your Nickname)

Your POV

You opened your door. Your head poked out as you looked around to see if anyone else was still up and about. When you saw that the hallway was empty, you walked out and closed the door quietly behind yourself as to not disturb the others.

After having stepped through the tear in the universe and into a parallel world everyone was exhausted. Having barely escaped certain death and power ceasing archangels it wasn't surprising that they all went straight to bed in their assigned rooms after settling into the new surroundings.

However, you weren't able to find any rest. Adrenaline was still pumping through your veins even hours after all the excitement, while unanswered questions made your head spin. To say that the past few days had been confusing was an understatement. Nevertheless, the day itself had topped even the craziest shit that had happened during your life so far.

You wandered the hallways aimlessly. Your eyes skipped over the walls, the doors, the books and everything else you passed on your way. Taking in your surroundings, acquainting yourself with the bunker you eventually ended up in the kitchen.

You stopped short in the doorway. To your surprise the kitchen wasn't unoccupied as you had assumed after walking through empty halls, silence your only companion. Apparently one of the brothers that had helped save your friends hadn't been visited by sleep either.

His back was facing you as he sat at the metal table to the right side of the wall. He seemed to be deep in thought judging by his posture. For a moment you considered turning around and heading back to the room you came from without having him notice you. However, the thought quickly escaped your mind.

A lot of questions were swimming around in your head, to which you wouldn't find the answer to on your own, had to do with the man sitting alone at the kitchen table. If he couldn't sleep either, you could as well pick his brain and try to find some sort of rest for yourself. Who knew, maybe some company would help him too.

You cleared her throat. The man flinched before turning around to see what or rather who had disturbed the crippling silence. When his eyes landed on you, he relaxed a little. There was a strange look in his eyes that shifted through countless emotions. You thought you recognized one of them for happiness, but couldn't be sure. Your heart ached a little for the stranger as they quickly dulled over and sadness settled inside them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Your voice was barely above a whisper as the quiet had not disappeared completely just yet. You put on a friendly smile in order to try and make the man feel more at ease.

"'s okay. I'm just not used to having people around."

The look on his face never changed while his voice sounded as if it was booming in the silence. He turned back to stare at the beer he was holding between his hands.

You watched him for a bit. Then you braced herself walking around the table to face the hunter.

"I couldn't sleep," you explained yourself even though you knew there was no need to. "May I?"

Without taking his eyes away from his drink he nodded once. You slid onto the seat opposite him.

"It's Dean, right?"

At you question, his eyes flicked up to yours for only a split second. Then they settled back on the beer. What you saw in them made you shiver. It was as if all hope had been sucked out of them. Just like that, there was another question you didn't know the answer to, but you couldn’t pry after he and his brother had opened their home to all these strangers.

"Yeah."

Dean's reply was short, his voice rough. He raised the bottle of beer and took a sip. His eyes were turned toward the ceiling. You knew instinctively he was avoiding to look at you. You tried to ignore the dull pain in your chest at his demeanor. Instead of commenting, you chose another road to go. You swallowed hard, sitting up a little straighter trying not to fidget as much. Your hands were resting on the table tightly clasped together.

"Thank you... for saving us."

The words were sincere. The thanks were long overdue. Moreover, it would have been impolite to start the questioning without as much as a nice word.

"Without you, all my friends would be fried by now. We probably wouldn't have lasted another day."

Dean had taken back to staring at the bottle in his hands. His jaw was set and his face tense as were all the other muscles in his body.

You kept looking at him, gauging his reaction. He was a stranger after all and you would like see a flying glass bottle coming instead of feeling it crash in your face. You would make that mistake only once. On the other hand, you had a feeling that the man opposite you wasn't going to hurt you. Still, you weren’t about to take any chances.

"No problem."

The reply surprised you. You had expected him to explain to you that they didn't do it for them, but to save the blond woman and Lucifer's kid, Jack. You stayed silent for a moment puzzling over it. After a little while you shook the confusion out of you head, assuming it had something to do with the fact that he didn't want to talk at all given his previous curt answers.

Realizing that you might not get any answers tonight - or from Dean in general - you let out a soft sigh. Despite your hope dissipating, you made one last attempt. If he already hated you, there was nothing to lose.

"Listen, if this isn't a good time or in case you don't want to talk to me, it's fine, I get it." You hated the hopelessness being evident in your voice. You cringed but kept going. "The reason I can't sleep is because there are too many questions roaring in my mind and I can't shut them up no matter what I try because I don't have any answers. I don’t know this world, I don’t know anything about it and that gives me a headache. I don’t know how to protect my people or myself for that matter, and that is something I don’t like. It makes me want to throw up."

After all the words that were stuck inside of you for the entire day, you felt exhausted. You let your head hang low kicking yourself for sounding so desperate and whiny. You hated that you couldn't figure it all out yourself and instead were dependent on others to give you the answers you so desperately needed. For your survival and the survival of the others.

Surprise, or rather shock, made your head fly up when you heard a deep chuckle coming from your late night company. You stared at Dean open-mouthed. There was a smile on his face for only just a second before it disappeared again. You would have felt offended that Dean seemed to laugh at you for the things you spilled out at night, but the laugh had sounded nothing like that. Instead, it was more of an understanding laugh; one that said 'of course you do, that's just you.'

What made her completely bewildered was when Dean spoke more than only one word.

"Let me guess, I bet you hate yourself that you have to asked someone else for help and can't figure out the situation by yourself."

It was a simple statement, there was no humor in it or satisfaction at guessing what was going on inside your head. There was just.... a certainty that those had to be your thoughts.

You were taken aback. Your eyebrows furrowed and you couldn't stop staring at the stranger that seemed to know you so well. He had been spot on with his guess and you knew that he knew it. Although you didn't understand the reason behind how he could know.

As you didn't say anything, too dumbfounded, Dean let out a sigh, took another swig of his beer and spoke once more without having to be prompted.

"Shoot."

He was looking at you. Really looking at you. His eyes were focused on yours showing you that you had all of his attention.

Seeing his eyes boring into you, you felt as if you had been transported to a forest. Not the dull grey one you had just escaped from but a bright one where the trees had radiant green leaves. You imagined hearing birds singing, squirrels rushing by making the leaves rustle and you could see the golden sun shining through the tree tops illuminating the scene, making everything seem lighter. For once, you didn't hate the forest; for once you felt safe.

You tore your eyes away. It was like pulling apart two strong magnets. Once you were free of Dean's mesmerizing eyes, you took in a sharp breath. Slowly your mind cleared up from the daze you had been under and soon enough all the questions you had came pouring back. One was particularly loud and clear screaming inside her head.

Before you could stop yourself, you heard yourself already blurting it out despite what a terrible idea it was.

"Earlier, when you were guiding everyone through the tear and I wanted to wait for some more people, what did you mean when you said 'I'm not losing you again?'"

Your eyes were back on him. This time you were careful not to get lost in them.

Dean let out a sigh. His head turned down leading his gaze to the table once more. The question had been inevitable, but it might not have been the right moment.

"(Y/N/N)."

You flinched at the nickname. You had never heard it before, but you immediately knew it was yours. It sounded right. Especially coming from the man on the other side of the table. When he said it, it was as if a warm blanket had been wrapped around you. Never had you felt anything like this before.

"I'm sorry," Dean apologized as soon as he saw your reaction, reprimanding himself silently and reminding him that it was not you. You weren’t his (Y/N/N).

You watched Dean gulp. You couldn't stop staring at him. You waited patiently for him to answer your question. Your bottom lip pulled between your teeth as they were working on it. Anxiety grew in your body.

"Someone like you existed in this world,” Dean answered after what felt like an eternity. “I mean another version of you... I mean she had the same name, looked just like you. Basically, you are an exact copy of her. I mean, not that you aren't valid or less real- I mean-"

Dean broke off his rambling. He didn't dare to look at you. You guessed it would be better that way. His explanation had hit you off-guard. You had no idea what your face might be giving away from the emotions playing out inside of you: shock, confusion, pity and fear.

He reached up one hand letting it slide over his face, but although you were still staring at him, you barely noticed the movement. Your head was spinning and you had no idea how to react or what to do with this information. This was a total mess.

Once more one of your thoughts was louder than the others: He was in love with her. As soon as the thought hit you, another one followed: She isn’t with him. A shiver went down your spine and you felt the color leaving your face.

Dean’s POV

He felt like a complete idiot. He didn't dare look at the woman in front of him, knowing too well that a mixture of hurt, offense and confusion must be displayed on her face. He reprimanded himself for having answered the question at all. But looking into the eyes of the person he once…

He reached up one hand to let it slide over his face in an attempt to try and organize his thoughts. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain his (Y/N) to the one sitting at the table with him now. This was a total mess.

In addition, a little sparkle of hope had settled in his chest. Hope that somehow this version was his (Y/N) - in some sense. Hope, that he might get another chance. He didn’t know where it came from.

As soon as he felt it, hope was replaced by shame. Shame, that he could feel that way about someone else that clearly wasn't her, but just someone who looked like her; someone who wore her face. Guilt washed over him. Guilt on how he could dare to think about replacing her, his best friend, the love of his life. He couldn't taint the memory of her like that.

He raised his beer to his lips once again, hoping the alcohol would eventually shut up his destructive thoughts, numb his body, his pain, only to find it empty. Dean pressed his eyes close. He felt so lost. All he needed was for his (Y/N) to help him and tell him what to do and how to untangle this chaos. But that was never going to happen.

So he did the next best thing he could think of. Dean opened his eyes and looked at the person opposite him. He prayed that seeing her image would be enough to calm him. He wished that it would give him the strength and inspiration he so desperately needed right then.

That's when he realized the truth.

The (Y/N) from the other world had the same hair color, the same eye color, but it wasn't her. Behind those eyes sat a different person, one he didn't know. There was no second chance. Having her here was only a reminder that he had failed her.

A silent tear slipped out of his eye. He wiped it away quickly as not to make his emotions obvious. But it was to no avail. (Y/N) had seen and her face changed to pure pity. He knew she could see right through him, see the man that had been left behind, a shell. But he also knew in the left over pieces of his heart that she wasn’t the person who could fix it.

"I'm not her," she whispered.

He took in a shaky breath; the truth he had realized seconds before hitting him like a punch to the stomach as they were spoken out loud by the same voice that had coaxed him to sleep so many nights.

Your POV

Only as you watched Dean’s reaction did you realize that that was the problem. And those had been the wrong words.

"I'm sorry," you hurried to say as you averted your eyes leaving him some privacy with his emotions.

You weren't sure what you were apologizing for exactly. The fact that you weren’t her? The fact that obviously something had happened to this version of you? For the way Dean felt? It was probably a mix of everything.

The urge to take away his pain was strong. Another thing you didn't understand. Since the first second you had seen the green-eyed hunter, you had been drawn to him. In your world, you didn't trust anyone anymore. But that man on the other side of the table only had to look at you intently and without a doubt you had trusted him, you had faith in him.

You couldn't deny the attraction you felt towards the hunter. Whenever their eyes would meet, your heart skipped a beat and your breath caught in your throat.

But you weren't going to acknowledge that feeling sitting in your chest. You would push it down hoping it would eventually go away. It wouldn't be good for either of you to act on these emotions.

His pain was too raw and you weren’t the right person to fill the hole inside of him, no matter how alike you and the (Y/N) from this universe had looked. In the end, you were two different people. You spoke again after a moment of silence, your voice soft.

"You don't have to explain. I think I understand. Or most of it anyway. I'm sorry I brought it up, it's none of my business."

You wanted to make up for bringing all these emotions back to Dean. You didn't want him to feel obligated to tell you anything about the person you had been in this universe. The last thing you wanted was for him to think you were nosy and push him away completely. He didn't deserve this. He didn’t deserve being hurt by the only other person that looked like the woman he loved.

"I think I better get back to my room. I'm really tired."

You faked a yawn to sell it, although you weren't sure he bought it. As you glanced at him he nodded, but otherwise stayed silent and unmoving, eyes averted.

You got up and started to head out of the kitchen. As you reached the entrance way you turned back one more time to look at the man you had left behind.

Dean had hung his head low and cradled it in his hands. His body was occasionally shaking with a sob. Seeing this tough man like this made your heart ache even more and tears gathered in your eyes.

You turned on your heel and continued to your room, your bottom lip shaking as tears slowly ran down your cheeks. As much as you wanted to be, you weren't the right person to comfort him. It wasn't you his heart was yearning for. There was nothing you could do to numb his pain. Not yet anyways. Maybe not ever.

As you closed the door to your room behind you and slid down it, you decided to stay away from him in hopes to not cause him anymore pain. You had done enough. You would talk to Sam tomorrow about this universe and head out right after to make it on your own. Just like you always did.

The fact that Dean was so upset to talk about his (Y/N) and her not being around in the bunker spoke volumes. Whatever had happened, it had left a barely scraped over wound and your presence would rip it wide open day after day, again and again. There was no place for you here.

The thought shouldn't have scared you, never mind made you sad. You didn't know the brothers or the two angels. But somehow, the prospect of not having them in your life filled you with dread.

The tears were flowing faster now, cascading down your face.

Suddenly the wish to have stayed behind in the colorless universe crashed down on you. It would have been gentler on your heart.

[omnivorousshipper]

Hello Omni! May I request Owen trying to apologize to Mia through his actions, but Mia doesn't get the message until Owen verbally asks for forgiveness.

Awww!! I don't think we'll ever get it, but I really hope we get to see Mia and Owen interacting with each! Is Owen at all remorseful for his actions?

~~~

Mia glared harder and harder as she watched Owen Shaw

When Dom had told her Deckard would be coming, she had been excited to see the man again. He gave her all sorts of tips about cooking and knife throwing. He had even gotten her an impress set the last time she saw him

What she wasn't expecting was for Deckard to bring his brother and sister

Hattie was nice, if awkward around kids. It was actually funny to see a hardened MI6 agent almost fleeing from a four year old trying to give her a spit covered candy. However, Mia had been pissed when she had seen the other Shaw brother

She would never forget the kidnapping or how Gisele lost her life against Shaw. Quietly, she had taken Deckard aside and asked him to keep his brother away from her. Luckily, Deckard understood completely and followed her request

But. That didn't stop Owen from trying to approach her

Or her kids

Mia had been busy talking with Tej that she hadn't noticed Jack getting overwhelmed and having a meltdown. She was normally good at catching the signs of when he needed a break from the commotion, but she had been distracted

What she hadn't expected was Owen to hurry over and help calm Jack down. He had gently talked to him and helped cover his ears to block out the noises. Stunned, Mia could only stare as Jack's breathing started to slow and the tears stopped

A moment later, she was rushing over to them

"Get away from him!" She hissed lowly and tried to keep her posture loose so not to scare Jack

"Just trying to help the little tyke." Shaw said smoothly, raising his hands up in surrender. "I've had the same issues."

Mia narrowed her eyes at him

"Come on, honey, let's get inside." She rubbed Jack's back and led him inside to help him calm down

She pointedly ignored the way Owen was looking at them with empathy

---

Frowning, Mia bit her lip as she tried to sharpen one of the knives Deckard had given her

It was on the rare occasion she helped the crew on a mission and she wanted her blades as sharp as she could make them. She was good with a gun, but they needed to be stealthy during this mission

However, the only knives she's ever sharpened were kitchen ones and not large hunting knives. She wasn't used to using a whetstone to sharpen them

So focused on the task, she hadn't heard footsteps walking up to her

"If you keep going like that, you're going to damage it." A soft voice told her

Mia nearly jumped from her seat at the unexpected voice and gripped the knife tightly as she glared up at the man almost looming over her

Owen simply stared at her, not bothered by her harsh gaze

"Here. Let me show you."

"And how do I know you're any good?" Mia sneered

"Cause I've been doing it since I was a babe." Owen shrugged

Keeping her eyes narrowed at him, she finally handed the equipment over. She hadn't been expecting Owen to sit closely next to her and show her how to do it properly

"You need to angle it right..."

Mia would never say it, but she appreciated the lesson Owen gave her

---

It had been a few weeks after that incident and Mia could feel herself slowly relaxing around Owen

She had finally admitted that he seemed good with her kids and allowed him to help coach Jack with his ADHD. It was nice to see her little boy rushing up to the man and not be judged for rambling about whatever had taken his fancy that month. Owen would always listen with rapt attention and encouraged Jack's interests

It also helped that everyone else in the crew had accepted Owen's dry wit, love of cars, and intelligence. Mia could feel herself softening around the man

But she couldn't understand why he always seemed to be offering her help

She was frankly getting sick of the man getting under foot, asking if he could carry anything, do something, or clean. However, when he offered to help in the kitchen, she had found out how bad of an idea that was

Because now she was looking down at three completely burned pies

"How could this happen...?" She mumbled, poking at one with a fork. It was almost all pure ash

"Sorry." Owen cleared his throat and looked away from the pies. "Deck always said I was shite at cooking."

"All I did was tell you to put them in the oven." Mia frowned and narrowed her eyes. "You didn't do this in purpose did you?"

"No!" Owen glared at her. "I was only trying to help."

"Why?" Mia snapped, done with all the things Owen had been trying to help with. "Do you think I'm incompetent? That I can't do things for myself?"

"No, not at all." Owen said quickly

"Then why do you keep doing all these things? I don't need your help!"

"I know!" Owen shook his head. "I just wanted to show you how sorry I was for, well, the past."

Mia blinked and could only stare at Owen

He met her eyes but she could see his hands fidget slightly at his sides

"So, all this was... an apology?" She asked tentatively

"Yeah." Owen sighed. "I didn't want to harm you back then, and wasn't planning on it. I just wanted your brother out of the way."

"And that makes things ok?" She hissed

"No." Owen shrugged. "You don't have to forgive me. I only wanted to show you that I'm sorry."

"By destroying the pies?" Mia drawled, unimpressed

"Ok, that wasn't supposed to happen." Owen mumbled, a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks

Mia could only stare at Owen, looking him up and down. Finally, she sighed

"I still haven't forgiven you, but I'm not as angry about it." She admitted. "But, if you ever try to hurt me or my family, I'll cut your balls off and force feed them to you."

Owen nodded thoughtfully before a small smirk played on his lips

"You'll have to learn how to sharpen your knives by yourself then."

Mai could help the small laugh that left her

~~~

I hope you enjoyed friend!

[bagadew]

The Great Ace Attorney Playthrough: The Adventure of the Great Departure (Part 2)

Last Time: I (Ryunosuke) was falsely accused of murdering John Watson Wilson, because the government’s trying to avoid an international incident and I am an expendable mug. Fortunately our best friend Kazuma of the fluttering headband stepped in to save us, but unfortunately Ryunosuke is a trusting idiot who decided to take his own defense because he didn’t want to jeopardize Kazuma’s studding abroad. In a breach of conduct for the first case in an Ace Attorney game there were multiple witnesses, none of whom committed the crime. Finally we managed to establish the presence of a woman who’s presence had been erased because she was English and the Japanese government didn’t want to cause an international incident, fortunately everyone decided fuck the government actually, and we’re bringing her in!

(Just a note before we start that because the game’s so new and I’m playing on my switch, my screenshots have really dropped in quality today (and probably for the foreseeable future). That’s also why there are less of them this time round.)

I would like to start off by reminding everyone that Kazuma’s the best.

I’m not exactly sure when I became desperate for Kazuma’s approval, but apparently I am.

If only we had ballistics - the fingerprints of the gun

Professor Mikotoba! The most innocent of men (probably)

Ryunosuke this man views us as chopped liver compared to Kazuma...

... Kazuma, Ryunosuke views himself as chopped liver compared to you...

Ok, so Professor Mikotoba was the one who invited Dr Watson Wilson over from England, and he’s sent Pink Lady to get “something we may need” from the university.

She spoke!

Why do I feel like an absolute shitstorm is heading our way...

‘I’ll save the thank-yous’ for after the trial’ Kazuma for no reason you have to stay handcuffed to me for the rest of this case and the start of the next one. I’m not having another Mia Fey incident.

Is anyone else getting big Dahlia Hawthorne vibes here?

Listen Hosonaga, I understand (from the fact that you look like this as the grand old age of 29) that life has not been kind to you, but you have to understand that Women, even if they are from England, do not naturally come in that shape. There are about 50 different places Jezaille Brett could have hidden a gun in that outfit.

Oh my god!

My favourite thing about Kazuma is how sometimes he pulls this face:

Ok so Jezaille removed one of the glasses of carbonated water from the scene of the crime, hoping to cover up the fact that she’d been there at all. Unfortunately for her I’m pretty sure that I can see the edge of a glass in the photograph of the victim, so something’s not adding up

Also she just admitted to having a handbag on her, so even if there’s not a gun stuffed inside that swan of hers, she had a way of carrying it out the scene that these idiots will recognise!

Hosonaga here, really choosing to threaten the goodwill he picked up at the end of Part 1.

Also, what’s that mark on the victims wrist? It looks like some sort of buffalo?

Also Hosonaga’s coughing feels really familiar, and while this is Ace Attorney (and therefor there could be a whole load of poison related explanations), I’m starting to wonder if he might have TB?

(For people who don’t know (which is most people) Cystic Fibrosis (what I have) and TB behave in an incredibly similar way, to the point where a lot of the people who had ‘TB’ back then might have actually had CF.)

Oh Ryunosuke...

It’s ok buddy, we’ve still got a new mystery mark and a picture glass I’m now only 80% sure I can see...

Kazuma! Not you too!

It’s so sad, he’s not even fluttering anymore

Kazuma’s now threatening the  Ace Attorney games refusal to contain swear words.

OH SWEET JESUS THAT GAVLE’S MASSIVE!!!

We’re on the right track, Miss Brett is not happy about my pointing out the buffalo burn!

Lunch my ass Miss Brett! This is clearly a ploy to escape!

Oh... I was kind of hoping Pink Lady would come back with whatever the Thing was she was sent to get. And that that would help us out of this mess.

But I guess that’s not happening just yet...

(BTW, have I just been out of the game for a long time, or is this getting really challenging for a first case? I thought the buffalo burn would do it, but apparently not)

Ok Ryunosuke, lets fall back on the old tactic of closely examining everything we possess until we find something that sort of looks like what we’re looking for. In this case a buffalo

HOT DAMN!!!

Post-mortem burn! Post-mortem burn!

I’ve just remembered this country doesn’t do autopsies!

They only go by what the body looked like at the time of death!

So when you’re faced with a man who has a bullet wound in his chest, you’d assume that was the cause of death!

And you wouldn’t CHECK FOR POISON!!!

POISON MEDICAL STUDEN JEZAILLE BRETT WOULD HAVE HAD BOTH EASY ACCESS TO AND KNOWLEDGE OF!!!

THATS WHY SHE REMOVED HIS GLASS!!!

Oh no... she’s smiling... why is she smiling...

Yeah, you and me both Hosonaga

I feel like at this point the two of us have a relationship that goes up and down like a sea-saw.

“Why did you need a translator?” Because she’s been playing this court like a dammed fiddle, next question

And just like that I’m ready to kick Miss Brett into the sun.

Yep, that’s the appropriate face.

She says, like the man who hasn’t been needlessly translating her every word, and who jumped through hoops to remove her from a murder investigation isn’t standing right there.

With every word she says I find myself becoming rapidly more convinced that Satoru Hosonaga didn’t bring Miss Brett to us because it was the right thing to do, but rather because he remembered that she was a Massive Bitch, and decided to give her what was coming to her.

LETS TEAR THIS BITCH TO SHREDS!

I’m both terrified and curious to know how they’re going to one up this lady. We’re only on the first case and she is just so deeply unlikable. I haven’t seethed over a villain like this in ages, and she’s only the first one.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to apologies to one Dahlia Hawthorne, you may have been a manipulative, poisoning, monster Dahlia, but at least you had style.

IT’S TIME!!!

I think it was Hosonaga’s spirit finally snapping next to her.

Yeah, bet you wish you’d been less of an asshole now, huh?

GET HER ASS HOSONAGA!!

Fancy a drink Miss Brett?

Kazuma, you need to do something quick, your position as my favourite is being threatened by the coughing detective who has aged like milk!

I just examined the water bottle incase in had any suspicious markings on it, and when I asked Kazuma what the French on the bottle said he told me to ‘go to France and ask’!

Yeah that’ll do it!

You go Kazuma!

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!

Ok, Pink Lady, we really need you to come in now!

Given how confident she was about the bottle not having poison in it, and the fact that she and the victim both drank from it, I’m going to guess that it was just put straight into the glass Dr Watson Wilson drank from.     Meaning that it’s probably somewhere around the university, either still     in Miss Brett’s handbag, or in a bin somewhere.

I just want to say again what an intense first case this is!

PINK LADY!!!

[dullahandyke]

hello hello how are u doing!! i wanted to say thank u for doing image descriptions i love u for that also if u are feeling up to it i would LOVE to hear your thoughts on valant and/or godot (godot apologism is also one of my pet interests lol. partly because his theme fucks and he got shortchanged by the localization crew but also. i like him. and valant is my gay uncle). (we are both in the cishet aa server but im shy lol)

HIII UR THE ONE IN THE CISHET AA SERVER WITH THE GOLDEN FUCKIN NAME OF APOLLO JUST-CIS!!!!IVE BEEN WANTING TO TELL U HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT PUN FOR A WHILE!!!! And image descriptions hell yeah, took a blood oath to do them and now I'm 80 times sexier /j

As for godot and valant!!!!THEYRE JUST MY FRIENDLY FUN UNCLES!!! I have Two types of aa characters i like and they are 'girl who i have MANY MANY MANY thoughts about' and 'man who is my fun uncle/dad/brother' :] I haven't dug into valant too much but heres my hastily compiled Godot Thoughts!!!

Godot is so fun because like,,, he has SUCH a fixation on Mia that makes him a really good mirror to dahlia??? Mia Fey was the object of their strong emotions, something happened to them that took them out of commission and then Mia died, they were both pissed that someone killed Mia (godot bcos he wanted to protect her and dahlia bcos she wanted to be the one to kill her), they set up an elaborate plan to do with maya what they could not with Mia... like he is such a good foil to her!!! And like how devoted he is to Mia to the point where it consumed him and superseded all other aspects of his life... it's like intensely poetic but also fuckinf christ get him some therapy

And I'm not done with comparisons!!!I'm not just an aura blackquill liker for show, babey! The story is simple: your lover has recently died, and there is no way for you to be the one that brings her killer to justice. After her death, you change the course of your life drastically, planning and scheming to try and make up for your lack of ability to do anything before... but you fail. You went 'too far' and you became too scary and now you are in jail. You are unable to do what you set out to, but you accept it. Also like, the fact that Aura the brash threatened waayyy more lives but Godot the Noble was ultimately the one to kill someone... mwah mwah mwah. I have many more thoughts about aura (side-eyes the entire essay sitting n my drafts) but yah!!!also funky coffee man has jazz music and speaks poetically :]

And like my thoughts about valant arent that deep but like!!!he is the EPITOME of fun uncle!!! And also while thalassa was 'dead' he was probably the only person who trucy Liked hanging around with so hahaha. I'm just making it up on the spot but like. Valant is interesting bcos he is the One gramarye left behind (magnifi and thalassa (thought to be) dead, Zak vanished, Trucy now a Wright), and so he fucking clings to it but either the gramaryes are past their hey-day or valant never had any skill but uh oh that cant be good for his self esteem!!and like it's been A WHILE since I've played aa4 but like... he was so lowkey desperate to get the patented gramarye tricks bcos he was the only left and at that point it was the only way he would be able to make a living off of his magic and he cant give up his magic bcos he was The Only One Left... ya. Love that willy Wonka speaking motherfucker <3

[kexing]

Venji has always been endgame: Benji’s attraction to Victor

the first thing I really need people to understand is that Benji is not watching the show, he’s not seeing things through Victor’s point of view, and for the most part of the season he has no idea Victor is struggling with his sexuality. from Benji’s point of view, Victor is straight and into Mia. that’s how I’m going to be analyzing his thoughts and actions (well, guessing mostly because he does lack screen time and insight moments. hopefully we’ll get more of him in season two!!)

btw I’m gonna break it down episode by episode because I’m insane (and I also feel strangely connected to Benji so don’t @ me)

Episode 1 - Welcome to Creekwood

as I’ve mentioned before, you can interpret Benji’s “nice shoes!” line as interest. but even if you’re not willing to do that, I still think it’s valid to consider that he might’ve felt some kind of immediate connection to Victor (if episodes 2 and 3 are any indication of that. and the Call Me Maybe lyrics).

Episode 2 - Stoplight Party

the “Benji attempts to teach Victor how to make a espresso” scene is very much about Victor’s attraction to Benji so I don’t wanna look too much into it. also Benji comes off as (at least for me!) a very attentive and loving person, so his dedication to teaching Victor felt very genuine. but still like...... he did get lost in Victor’s eyes for a moment before the milk spilled akdjksdjjs

then at the end of the episode Benji calls Victor late at night (he even apologizes for that) when he could’ve called Victor at any other time or could’ve just told him at school. and well, (I may be reaching here but headcanons are always good!!) I like to believe Benji couldn’t stop thinking about Victor, which is why he decided to call. for some unknown reason he already feels connected to Victor and wanted to hear his voice and—

let me stop here before I write a whole fanfic because that’s not the purpose of this post.

Episode 3 - Battle of the Bands

oh boy, I’m gonna try to unpack this episode, hopefully I’ll make some sense. I’m very sorry if I fail!

so, Victor and Benji have the Call Me Maybe (cutest) moment, in which Victor tells Benji that he’s going on a date with Mia the next day.

Now. I need you to remember that Victor explicitly told Benji that he and Mia wouldn’t go to the Battle of the Bands and that Benji had already performed when Victor got there and only performed again because his band won the battle (so I’m pretty sure Victor wasn’t supposed to hear the Call Me Maybe cover). therefore this wasn’t Benji confessing his feelings to Victor. if anything, I believe it was his way of dealing with the intense and ever-growing feelings that he has for Victor through his biggest passion (music), pretty much like making a reference to something that you know no one else will understand (since for everyone else it’s just a Carly Rae Jepsen bop).

but then Victor eventually shows up and hears Benji singing Call Me Maybe and for him it’s definitely not just a Carly Rae Jepsen bop anymore. it’s their song

after the performance, it looks like Benji is going to talk to him about it, maybe to try and make it seem like it’s no big deal (since he thinks Victor is into Mia, and he himself is in a long term relationship) but Derek appears and we’re all left heartbroken (Simon & his friends included).

what I’m trying to say is: they are two halves of the same idiot. while Victor is in denial of his sexuality and attraction to Benji, Benji is in denial of his growing feelings for Victor. we love this denial duo

Episode 4 - The Truth Hurts

not much to say about this one BUT. at the beginning of the episode you can see how Victor and Benji are working totally in sync, to the point where they barely need words like the freaking soulmates that they are. honestly, I’m done pretending they aren’t soulmates because this show just kept shoving that into our faces over and over and if you failed to see it then it’s not my problem (or maybe it is since I’m literally spending my time trying to explain exactly that. but I just care too much about these two and I want people to understand why).

then Derek calls and Benji picks up lovingly because he’s a loving person and a caring boyfriend and even though he might be struggling with his feelings for Victor, he’s not about to neglect his boyfriend (shame we can’t say the same thing about Derek) (no I will not stop throwing shade at him).

Episode 5 - Sweet Sixteen

I could try and say several things about this one but for real, BENJI DREW VICTOR AND GAVE HIM THE DRAWING AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT. like! this stupidly artistic boy!!!!!!!!! this stupidly caring boy!!!!!!!!! he could’ve bought Victor literally anything or not even bothered to think of a gift At All, but he took the time to DRAW VICTOR LIKE ONE OF HIS FRENCH BOYS!!!!! what am I supposed to do with this knowledge!!!!

now I’m imagining Benji observing Victor. the way the light hits his face, how his shoulders move, the shape of his hands....... all the while telling himself it’s just to draw Victor!!!!! but that’s still beautiful and frankly thirsty nonetheless.

p.s I was robbed of a scene like that.

Episode 6 - Creekwood Nights

not much to say about this one except the show blatantly telling us that Derek can be real shitty sometimes. also, I wanna talk about Venji’s dynamics throughout the show so bad but it deserves a post of its own so I’m gonna hold my tongue.

Episode 7 - What Happens In Willacoochee

(stays in Willacoochee or maybe it will haunt your gay ass all the way to New York).

oh boy, this is where shit starts going down for real.

so Victor kisses Benji. I’m not going to defend Victor because what he did was reckless and dumb and frankly disrespectful. but I need to say that it was going to happen sooner or later because when you repress something too hard and for too long, it’s bound to come back with full force and explode in your face. I really wish it was in a different circumstance, of course, but also life isn’t always made of perfect situations and shit happens. (and nope, that does not excuse Victor’s actions).

now think about Benji. he’s been struggling with his feelings for Victor, who as far as he knows is straight and in a relationship, and then suddenly Victor kisses him. my best guess (due to his reaction to Victor’s speech in episode 10) is that he thinks Victor isn’t being serious about it, that in no moment that kiss meant anything but curiosity and recklessness, when they both have people to lose (again, he doesn’t know that Victor struggles with his sexuality, much less that Victor has feelings for him).

so yeah, I believe Benji was upset, not only with Victor though, but with himself.

(I’ll come back to this in a second)

no Benji in episode 8 so.......

Episode 9 - Who The Hell Is B

Benji decides to leave the coffee shop. Victor tells him that the kiss wasn’t his fault and Benji says that being around Victor makes him feel guilty, now why is that?

firstly because he’s not a psychopath and the fact that he cheated on Derek makes him feel guilty. but I do believe that that’s not the only thing that makes him feel guilty. deep down he liked kissing Victor. he likes Victor, he’s been doing his best to keep that buried but Victor had to go and complicate things, so now the only way to avoid making a bigger mess is staying as far away as possible from each other. so he runs back to the safety of his relationship with Derek.

(listen, I know the show makes it seem like Benji is super angry and wants nothing to do with Victor but I don’t believe that’s the case. he’s upset and feeling guilty for liking someone else, denial does make you act very hostile sometimes).

Episode 10 - Spring Fling

Benji’s denial continues but (thankfully) it won’t last much longer.

he goes to the bathroom and tells Victor that he’s read his letter and that he does forgive him for kissing him but that that doesn’t change anything, that it’s best for them to stay away from each other.

that’s until he hears Victor’s speech to Derek (which was more to Benji than Derek so). that’s the moment he realizes that Victor actually likes him, that the kiss as cursed as it was had meant something, that they both feel exactly the same thing. that’s what gives him courage to finally accept that he can’t be with Derek anymore because his heart belongs to someone else. (has belonged to Victor from the moment they met) akdjskdjsj someone please tell me to shut up

which leads us to the bench kiss(es) scene. now, these boys are a whole mess because Victor was still technically dating Mia (he did try to come out to her before, couldn’t do it so he decided to come out after the Spring Fling) (good intention, poor execution).

But I also believe this was just lazy writing and they wanted to have a scene where Mia catches Victor and Benji together. it could’ve been done better, they could’ve been just touching foreheads or something but they wanted the full drama so the kiss(es) happened. I’m taking 50 points away from the writers for this. (also does not excuse Victor or Benji since they literally met halfway. these idiots are so in love wtf!)

(I still love them though, and hope they do better in the future, for themselves and for each other).

anyway, I think that’s it! if you read up until this point: thank you so much!!!! I tried my best to understand and explain Benji since the show said fuck Benji stans. hope this helps!

— love, MJ

[collabwithmyself]

1-2: Turnabout Transaction (2/2)

Miles hadn't meant to blurt out his trump card. He was stressed and cranky from the trial, and being face to face with the man that had happily ruined the life of a friend of his, had ruined the lives of so many people, had filled him with an indescribable anger that made him shout exactly the wrong thing in an effort to wipe that awful, disgusting smirk off White's face.

Now he was in the detention center on the wrong side of the glass, nursing a black eye that nobody had bothered to treat him for. Maya looked extremely disappointed in him... or at least, it seemed like she did. His glasses had broken upon the impact of White's fist against his face, and their remains had been left behind in the scum's tacky office.

"Do you realize how stupid that was, My?!"

"I'm well aware, I didn't--" Miles paused. "My?"

"Now what are you gonna do? Don't tell me this was your big plan to get me out of jail all along!" Maya thumped one fist against the glass.

"Miss-- Maya, it wasn't my intention to get assaulted or arrested. I certainly do not plan to take this turn of events lying down."

"You better not!" she shouted. She sniffled, and Miles suddenly realized she must be on the verge of tears. "I can't lose you too, okay, you dummy?"

"You... barely even know me..."

"But you stuck it out for me! Sis's killer is still out there, so... so... so you better not give up now, alright?!"

A weak chuckle escaped him. "I wouldn't dream of it."

⁂

But despite his most valiant efforts, everything seemed to be slipping through his fingers like sand. He'd almost had White cornered, could hear the panicked edge in von Karma's voice as she attempted to salvage the situation, but unless he could prove White had been there the day of the crime, it was all for nothing.

He squinted frantically at his notes, at the collection of evidence he had, but nothing was coming into focus. Maya had fallen silent beside him, perhaps sensing the inevitable defeat that was bearing down on him with all the force of a freight train.

"I... I apologize," he whispered to his companion. "It seems I wasn't enough, after all."

"Hey, shut up, Miles," came a voice from beside him that was most certainly not Maya's. He gave a start, then narrowed his eyes at the figure next to him. Taller than him, with arms folded... they had dark hair like Maya, and those robes looked like hers, but this couldn't be Maya. Could it?

"Think, Miles," they urged him, and the sense of deja vu that had been plaguing him since he stepped into court suddenly intensified. "What is it you need?"

His mouth felt dry. For some reason, he didn't feel as though he needed to be concerned about the identity of this stranger. "Pr... Proof White was in Mia's office the day of the murder."

"Alright, what proof is that?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure you've checked everything?"

"I'd very much like to," he snapped, frustration mounting, "but I can't see."

"What?" The figure leaned towards him. "What happened to your eye? What did you do to your glasses, you dingbat?"

"A-Are you going to help me or not?" He bristled at the overly familiar tone they were taking with him.

They sighed and reached over to start rummaging through his papers, bringing up the small sheet with Maya's name on it in blood.

"That doesn't prove he was there," he sighed forlornly.

"Yeah, it does." They turned it over. Miles leaned in, squinting as hard as he could. There was something printed on the other side, but he couldn't make it out.

"...I can't read this."

"Seriously, what happened to your glasses?"

"Just tell me what it says!"

"It's a receipt for that lamp in the office. You know, the one White broke beyond all recognition?"

"Yes, but he claims he saw it when he placed the wiretap a week before the murder."

"Aha. But this receipt is from the day before the murder."

Miles felt the cogs in his head shudder and suddenly start rolling again. He snatched the receipt from his savior's hand, thrusting out his arm frantically.

"HOLD IT!"

Things got messy after that. White tried to squirm his way out of it, and it almost looked like it'd work, but then the person next to him started saying names.

Names he knew.

Names only two other people would know, and one of them was on the witness stand.

Ignoring White's howling and von Karma's choking, he stared, uncomprehending, at the person beside him.

"Mia?"

"What? You--" The figure turned to him, and he distantly registered White sobbing. All of a sudden, the voice seemed so much more familiar. "Miles! Seriously! Where are your glasses?"

"Ah," he mumbled, and his vision darkened around the edges. "I think I'm going to pass out now."

And, presumably, he did.

⁂

When he came to, he almost expected the harsh smell of disinfectant and the steady beep of a heart monitor. Instead, he heard voices he faintly recognized, and registered that he was lying on a very uncomfortable seat.

He groaned and sat up, clutching his head as he attempted to get his bearings. "What..."

"Geez, My, your uncle says you passed right out!" came Maya's voice from somewhere nearby.

"Wh... Ray's...?"

"Don't act so surprised, buddy, I told you I was gonna be there for you today. Your little friend here just beat me to the punch for co-counsel."

"Maya's not even a registered paralegal," Miles managed to say as the world came back into focus - well, as much as it could with his glasses gone.

"Well, yeah, but I couldn't say no to that face." Ray chuckled.

"Did... did we win?"

"Yeah! You're not guilty!" Maya cheered.

"And Mr. White's been arrested," his uncle added, sounding proud. "Good work. Your dad would be impressed."

"I..." It all came back to him in a rush, and he leaned back. "...couldn't have done it without Mia."

Ray made a confused noise, but there was a clapping sound from Maya's general direction. "So it did work!"

"Huh? What worked, kiddo?"

"The channeling! I channeled Sis! I helped!"

"You what," Miles said.

"You know we come from a family of spirit mediums, don't you, My?"

"I... yes, but I didn't actually..."

"You are so dumb."

When he managed to pick his jaw up off the floor from that revelation and get to his feet, Ray pushed two things into his hands. One he recognized as his spare glasses, large and clunky. The other was, upon close examination, a key with a figurine attached to it via a chain.

Miles squinted. "Is... is this the Steel Samurai?"

"Hey!" Maya piped up. "That's my spare key! How come you have it?"

"Good question." He slipped the square frames on, frowning when he realized they were slightly small on him. Still, it was a marked improvement for his vision, and he was able to see his uncle shrug.

"Beats me. The lady told me to give it to you."

"Why would Mia give you my key?" Maya mused.

"Perhaps there's something at her office she wants me to see...?"

⁂

But a trip to the office revealed no new information. It was completely clean, like nothing had happened at all, but Miles still felt a chill when he stepped inside.

Maya knelt by the potted plant in the corner, examining it closely. "At least Charley survived," she sighed wistfully.

"Charley?" Miles repeated, wrinkling his nose in confusion. "You named the plant?"

"Hey, Charley is a valuable member of this office," Maya insisted very seriously. After a moment, though, her face fell. "Although he's not gonna be able to work here anymore with Mia gone, huh."

Miles's heart sank. "She worked so hard to secure this place for herself," he murmured.

"I know. And... and now we gotta clear it out, 'cause there's nobody to run the place." Maya was sniffling again. He hated that the sound was becoming familiar.

He searched desperately for something to say, but could only come up with a subdued apology.

"S'not your fault she's dead," Maya said, shaking her head.

Well, in a rather convoluted way, it sort of was, but he didn't want to get into that. Instead, he looked at the key Mia had chosen to entrust to him. The worn metal glinted at him like an SOS signal, and beside it, the Steel Samurai nestled into his palm as though it belonged there.

Why did Mia want him to have this when it didn't even belong to her?

He looked from his open palm to Maya, knelt by Charley the plant, and for a moment he swore he could see a glowing thread connecting the two. He stiffened and gasped as the answer struck him like lightning.

"Eureka," he blurted, before he could stop himself.

Maya looked at him and started giggling. "What did you just say?"

"Ngh--" Ignoring his rising blush, he cleared his throat. "I... I think Mia wanted me to look after the office. And after you."

He was not expecting a snort from Maya. "Oh, please. If anything, I've gotta look after you! You're a total disaster, My!"

Miles felt himself flush with indignation. "You are seventeen years old!"

"Yeah, but I didn't get punched because I accused somebody of murder with no one else around!"

"Nngh..."

"Face it, My, you need my help!" Maya had her hands on her hips, a confident grin on her face. "If you're gonna earn the money to keep this place, you gotta listen to everything I say!"

"I never agreed to--"

"First order of business is celebrating!" Maya grabbed his free hand, and with surprising strength for someone so small, she began dragging him towards the door. "There's this great burger joint just down the street Sis used to take me to whenever I came down to visit--"

"Wh-What?!" he squawked "Where do you-- does anyone else know you're here?!"

"Quit worrying so much, My, it's all good!"

"Maya!!"

⁂

You failed.

Not only did you fail to win this trial, you failed to keep your composure. Everyone could see you cry. Everyone could see you lose control.

A von Karma does not lose, and a von Karma does not cry.

You are not worthy of the prestige of your family.

It's like you're not a von Karma at all--

No. That's not true. You are Sascha von Karma.

Your name is Sascha von Karma.

A von Karma never accepts failure.

It's his fault. That man.

Miles Edgeworth.

He makes you sick.

He's going to pay.

[theladyofdeath]

The Office {2}

A Court of Thorns and Roses mini-series, part 2/8.

A year in the life of office workers, an 8 part mini-series.

Based on a prompt sent in by @the-regal-warrior​

Feyre 

A month had passed.

A horrible, dreadful, incredibly uncomfortable month.

Rhysand had taken a few weeks off, using his built up vacation hours, claiming he was going to visit his parents, but I know full well that his mother lives half an hour away, on the other side of town, and his father is dead to him. So, that left me with one conclusion - he was ignoring me.

Which, I didn’t blame him.

Since his confession, and our kiss, I broke things off with Tamlin. It was long overdue, even I knew that much. Rhysand was right in a lot of what he had said that night. Tamlin not treating me right, being a main point. 

It was the right move.

Even if it created so many more issues, so much more tension. I had to move out, of course, because the house we lived in was under Tamlin’s name. It was a shame, really, because I loved that house, had worked for two years to make it my own. It was in a great part of town, half a mile from my favorite spot along the Sidra. But, in the end, even though half of the shit in that house was mine, all I left with were my paintings, my supplies, my clothes, and everything that was in the bathroom.

I hope he had fun showering having to dry himself with paper towels.

Asshole.

Anyway. Tamlin had been ignoring me at all costs since, which was fine, it’s not like he had to come up from the warehouse all that often. 

What hurt so much worse was that Rhysand sat six feet away from me, his desk nearly facing mine straight on, and he wouldn’t even look at me. I just wanted to run over to him, shake him by the shoulders, and tell him to say something.

Anything.

I didn’t even care what, at that point.

The day went on, the hours passing slow. Every five minutes, I would look up from my desk at reception, but Rhysand was into his work. And as soon as the clock his five, he was out.

I wanted to call after him.

But I didn’t.

I simply shut down my computer, collected my belongings, and pulled on my jacket before heading to the parking lot. There was a tall figure leaning against the side of my car.

But it wasn’t who I wanted to be waiting there.

“Tamlin,” I breathed, half statement of annoyance, half question. 

He pushed off my little car as he said, “Hey.”

“Move, please,” I mumbled. “I have to get home.”

“What’s the rush?” he asked, with an annoyance in his eyes that faded a second later. “Look, I just...can we go get a coffee? I think we should talk.”

“Whatever you have to say there can be said here,” I replied, simply, crossing my arms.

“I think you should come back home,” he replied, simply, directly. “I think you should come home and we should work this out. This is ridiculous, Feyre. We’ve been together for five years and you suddenly just break it off. Obviously, I was doing something wrong, but I want to correct it.”

The sigh that came out of me was full of annoyance. “Tamlin, there was a reason we were engaged for two years and never set a date. We’re not meant to be. Okay? So, please, move.”

“This is about him, isn’t it?”

I stilled and hated that I met his gaze once more. He must’ve seen my hesitation, though, because his eyes were clouded with anger, his lips pursed.

“I knew it,” Tamlin scowled. “I fucking knew it. You cheated on me, didn’t you?”

“What, no, I-”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that,” Tamlin ordered.

Shaking my head, I met his gaze, once more. “He kissed me.”

“And did you fight him?”

I stood motionless, silent.

Scoffing, Tamlin stepped aside.

I got into my car and quickly drove away with an unsettled feeling that I had just made everything so much worse.

~~~~

The next morning was eventful, but not in the exciting way.

I arrived at the office just before eight and made myself comfortable behind the welcome desk. After pulling up Helion’s schedule to inform him upon his arrival what to expect for his morning, the door opened and Rhysand came in. For a brief moment, our eyes connected. I gave him a small smile.

To my surprise, and utter delight, he returned it. 

I watched as he took off his jacket and hung it over the back of his chair. He grabbed his lunch and took it to the break room to put it into the fridge.

Then, the door flew open with such a force that those of us who had already arrived looked its way.

Tamlin came hurrying in and the look that was in his eyes was one I had seen many times - one that I loathed.

I stilled. “Tam?”

But he wasn’t looking at me. He was storming to the other side of the room, where Rhysand had just re-entered through the break room door.

“Tamlin!” I shouted, rising from my desk chair.

But he was on a mission, it seemed, one he couldn’t be talked out of.

He didn’t get far, though, because Cassian stepped in Tamlin’s path with a little tube of pepper spray and was firing it, right into Tamlin’s eyes.

Everyone began panicking, as everyone within spitting distance was instantly covering their eyes.

Rhysand and Cassian included.

Then the chaos began. Helion arrived shortly thereafter, and called for security to come take Tamlin away, letting him know that he wouldn’t be welcomed back on the premises. I nearly felt bad. Yes, Tamlin was an idiot, but to lose his job?

At least I wouldn’t have to keep seeing him everyday.

Everyone who had been affected rinsed their eyes out, and Cassian was giving a talking to about using pepper spray in the office under emergency circumstances only, even if Cassian protested that it had been, in fact, an emergency.

Meanwhile, I sat in shock at my desk, trying to process what the hell had actually happened.

Tamlin had come to kick Rhysand’s ass.

Rhysand saw Tamlin coming, but didn’t have to react, because Cassian tossed out some pepper spray.

Tamlin got dragged out by security.

And fired.

And me? Well, I had some apologizing to do, it seemed.

Lunch time came and I saw Rhysand get his lunch and carry it outside. It seemed like it was now or never.

I figured now was better, because the idea of never made me want to vomit. I grabbed my lunchbox from the fridge and followed Rhysand.

I found him sitting on a bench out front, eating his sandwich.

He looked up at me, surprised, as I sat down next to him.

“Hi,” I said, refusing to open my lunchbox.

“Hey,” he said, after swallowing a bite of my sandwich.

“Crazy day, huh?” I asked, in hopes of making decent small talk before getting into the heavier stuff.

But Rhysand just arched a brow, humored. “Are you referring to your fiance storming into the office to kick my ass?”

I sucked my bottom lip into my teeth.

He chuckled. “I assume you told him about the kiss, then.”

I nodded.

“Does that mean you broke up?” he asked, taking another bite of his sandwich. Apparently, unlike myself, this conversation didn’t have any effect on his appetite. 

I blinked. “We broke up a month ago.”

That did make Rhysand halt. “What? Why?”

I rolled my eyes. “You very well know why. And I was going to tell you weeks ago, but then you went MIA.” I looked away from him, away from those piercing violet eyes as I went on, “Look, what I said that night...I was just surprised. I was thrown off...it wasn’t what I had been expecting, but I realized that I felt the same way about you. So I broke it off with Tamlin. Then, last night, we got into it, and the reason for why I left him came out. Hence, his alpha-male presence in the office this morning.” 

He said nothing, but he slowly lowered his last bite of sandwich onto his lap.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed. “About all of it. Really, I am. I’ve made a mess of it, and I know that. And you don’t deserve that. And I’m sorry.”

“Wow, Archeron,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, the other still clutching what was left of his sandwich. “That was, uh, a lot to take in.” 

I knew that tone.

As I shook my head, a slow grin swept across his mouth.

“It’s fine,” he said, a minute later. “I’m not mad. And I wasn’t ignoring you. Well, that’s a lie, I was...but, not because of anything you did. I was embarrassed.”

At my look of surprise, he started laughing, quietly. 

“The thought of coming in every day to see you, thinking I messed everything up between us, our friendship….well, let’s just say seeing you at work was my favorite reason to come to work.” He was looking at the cars driving past as he finished off his sandwich and crumbled up the paper bag it had come in. 

When I said nothing, he gave me one last smile and rose. 

“Well, back to work, I guess,” he said, sighing, then headed for the door.

I was left on the bench, blinking rapidly.

“Oh,” he said, turning around to meet my open-mouthed gaze. “You busy tonight?”

“I- no.”

“Wanna get some dinner?” he asked.

“I…” I could hardly get the word out of my mouth. “Yeah.”

“Seven okay?” he asked.

I nodded, not trusting another word that came out of my mouth.

“Great,” he grinned. “It’s a date.”

Then he was gone, through the doors and out of my sight. My heart was thudding against the inside of my chest as I looked down at my unopened lunchbox, completely forgetting that I was supposed to be eating my lunch, and my break was almost over.

I didn’t even care.

I had a date with Rhys.

[lyssismagical]

8 and 59 iron dad?

“Do you hate me?” & “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” 

(This one kinda got away from me idk how it happened but this ended up being 3k lmao) 

Tony was grieving. That’s all it was.

Peter repeated it to himself over and over again, all day everyday, to convince himself it wasn’t actually his fault that Tony kept lashing out at him.

It wasn’t easy to feel like an intruder in what was meant to be his home, but it wasn’t Tony’s fault. He was grieving, that was all.

It had been four months since Pepper died doing the snap to win that battle.

Tony was grieving the loss of his wife. His best friend. The mother of his child. The one who’s stood by his side for decades.

The lashing out, the anger, the cold shoulder, it was fair. Tony was grieving.

If Peter felt hurt by any of it, he refused to show it. He would hold his chin high and meet every emotion with meek apologies and offerings of anything he could think of.

Peter had been living in the cabin for all four months, taking care of Morgan by himself while her dad was more or less MIA, in the throes of guilt and grief and anguish. Happy and May were grieving in the city, picking up her life. Rhodey was busy with work, helping rebuild the broken world.

It was down to Peter to take care of the five-year-old and her grieving father.

But that didn’t mean it wasn’t taking it’s toll on him.

He hadn’t slept well for as long as he could remember. He was trying to catch up in the missing five years, dealing with the nightmares and the obvious signs of PTSD after back-to-back wars he fought in, not to mention trying to stay on top of his school work at Midtown without actually going to school, and trying to keep tabs on everyone he cares about without them worrying about him.

It wasn’t easy work, that alone. But he’s also being a parent by himself.

It’s tiring. He’s a kid too, but he has to continue growing up too fast for everyone around him.

“Petey okay?” Morgan asks, crawling onto the couch next to him.

He blinks back the sleep that tries to take over his vision and forces himself up into a sitting position. “Yeah, I’m good, Momo, just a little tired. You want breakfast?”

“Pancakes!” she exclaims, hopping up onto her feet again. “With chocolate chips! And juice pops!”

Peter smiles and drags himself to his feet again. He slept for maybe an hour, trying to finish his reading for English along with all the projects he has to complete before midterms.

He gets Morgan situated at the table with a coloring book while he makes a batch of pancakes for them, setting aside a few for Tony.

“I’ll be right back down, alright?” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Eat up and then go get dressed, alright? I’ve gotta drive you to the city in a few hours for your appointment with Miss Sarah.”

Thankfully, he got his driver’s license before the snap, so he can take her to her therapy sessions in the city three times a week, along with play dates, birthday parties, grocery shopping, and everything else Peter has to remember.

Morgan obediently shoves another piece of pancake in her mouth and grins up at him.

Tony’s room is dim, only the warm lamp light filling the room.

“I brought you breakfast and a coffee,” Peter murmurs, settling them down on the nightstand. Some days, Tony’s better at pretending for Morgan’s sake at being okay. Today’s not one of those days.

He opens the thick curtains and pushes the window open, letting in some spring air, before cautiously touching Tony’s shoulder. He’s awake but unresponsive.

“Mister Stark?” Peter tries. He grabs the coffee off the nightstand and offers it out to Tony.

But his foot catches on the edge of the bed and the coffee spills over the white sheets.

The reaction is instant.

“Fucking hell, Parker!” Tony shouts, shoving the sheets off his legs to avoid burning his skin. “Had to go fuck this up too?”

“Mister Stark, I was just- I was just trying to help,” Peter says, caving into himself as he tries to clean up the coffee with his own sweater sleeves. It burns at his skin, but he doesn’t stop, movements panicky and shaking.

Tony shoves at his hands, getting to his feet. “Haven’t you done enough?”

Peter would’ve preferred it to be screamed at him, to be grabbed and shaken, to be punched. But it’s said quietly, cold, and something breaks in his chest.

“I was just trying to help. I’m sorry,” Peter repeats, blinking back tears. “It was an accident.”

“An accident? A fucking accident?”

Tony looks angrier than Peter had ever seen him. Angrier than the day of the ferry. Angrier than when he found out about the warehouse. Angrier than the day of Pepper’s funeral when he threw a fit.

“I’m sorry, Mister Stark.” It seems to be the only thing computing in his brain, anger slowly simmering because he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be shouted at after all the work he’s constantly putting into the family, after taking over all of Tony’s responsibilities.

“Stop fucking apologizing!” Tony shouts, throwing his hands up in anger. “Stop fucking things up! Stop being a fucking nuisance! I don’t need you to bring me coffee and breakfast like I’m- like I’m a damsel in distress!”

Peter goes to snap at him, opens his mouth to shout that if Peter weren’t here, Morgan would be all by herself. That if he stopped being a ‘nuisance’, Tony would’ve starved to death and Morgan would’ve been alone because Tony isn’t being much of a role model right now.

But a quiet, “Petey?” stops him from going farther than opening his mouth.

“It’s okay, Momo, you wanna meet me at the car? I just gotta finish this up, alright? And then I’ll go take you to see Miss Sarah.”

“Daddy?” Morgan tries again, searching their faces for help, for some sort of clue for what to do.

But Tony doesn’t say anything. Just stands there, chest heaving for breath and tears burning at his eyes. So Peter takes the responsibility, like he always does.

“He’s okay, Mo, just sick, ‘member?” Peter says. “Go put on your shoes, okay? Meet me out at the car. You can choose which ones you want to wear.”

This seems to catch her attention because Peter hasn’t let her wear her sparkly new light-up shoes because of all the spring mud. She takes off from the doorway, disappearing from their views.

“Peter, I- I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“I’m going to take Morgan to the city,” Peter interrupts, trying his best to blink back tears. “She has an appointment with her therapist and it’s grocery day, so…”

It’s not Tony’s fault, Peter repeats in his head, he’s just grieving.

But there’s only so many times you can play the grief card, especially as an adult. There’s only so much Tony can do before it becomes inexcusable.

“Kid-”

“I’m seventeen,” Peter says, too much anger and venom filling his voice because Tony hadn’t been there for Peter’s seventeenth birthday after they got back from the Snap in late July. Tony hadn’t left this bed that day. Morgan didn’t know it was his birthday, nobody could take care of her, so Peter spent his birthday doting on Morgan like he was her parent, like always.

Tony flinches, sitting on the edge of his bed and cradling his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, kid, I know I’ve been… I’ve been awful, I just-”

“It’s hard, I know,” Peter says, trying so hard to keep the bitterness from his voice. “I know what grief is like.”

Eyes wild and upset, Tony looks up from his hands, something too similar to the anger from before burning in his expression.

“You didn’t lose everything!” Tony says. “She was- Pep was my everything.”

It’s not his fault, Peter repeats like a mantra. It’s not his fault he thinks his grief is the end of the world, like the worst thing to have ever happened, grief has its ways of working like that.

“Well you have a daughter who lost her mom and now she’s lost her dad too because you won’t even show your face!” It’s a low blow and he hates himself for it, but he’s so sick and tired of carrying everything by himself. “She’s got me right now, and that’s it. All she’s got is a nuisance who can’t stop fucking up.”

The words to their job though. The anger from Tony’s face disappears like it was never there in the first place.

“Peter-”

“I think it would be better if I took Morgan and we stayed at May’s for the night,” Peter says. He has to be the adult.

He doesn’t want to leave Tony. Grieving alone. But he’s not going to let Morgan stay in a house that could be dangerous. Not that he doesn’t trust Tony, but he doesn’t want Morgan to be yelled at for any mistakes, not like he was.

And this is the breaking point for Peter. He’s spent months doing everything in his power to make sure Morgan and Tony are okay, but Tony hasn’t made any efforts to meet him halfway. All he’s done is throw anger and give the cold shoulder.

Peter knows what grief does to people. He’s seen it firsthand. When May lost Ben, the same scenario as Tony losing Pepper, May took care of Peter. She made sure that Peter was okay, and she got them both therapists and she met everything headstrong and chin held high. She grieved but she never made Peter feel like he wasn’t important, she never made Peter feel like a nuisance.

“Kid-”

Peter shakes his head, steels himself, and heads out of the cabin, refusing to look back.

*Peter waits in his car during Morgan’s session with Miss Sarah and cries.

And he knows he looks like a mess when he goes in to pick her up ninety minutes later.

Miss Sarah sees it immediately and she ducks her head to look at him properly, worry creasing her face.

“Are you alright?” she asks.

On one hand, the last thing he needs is to be scrutinized by a therapist, but on the other hand, she’s the first adult who’s sounded like they genuinely cared about his well being since the snap’s reversal.

Just that alone makes him want to break down.

“I’m okay, yeah. Just a rough morning, I guess,” he murmurs, trying to get a hold of himself. “Is Morgan doing alright?”

“She’s making stellar progress, Peter, but I’m worried about you and about Tony. From what Morgan tells me, you’re under a lot of stress.”

Peter shrugs, trying to look nonchalant as he looks over Sarah’s shoulder into her office where Morgan’s finishing up a coloring. “Tony’s dealing with a lot right now, so I’m stepping in as a caretaker, I guess. It just takes its toll.”

“You know it’s not your responsibility to take care of her, right? You’re not the adult,” she says. “You’re shaking, honey, do you want to sit down?”

He shoves his trembling hands into his hoodie pockets. “We should really be going. We’ll see you Sunday?”

“Of course,” Sarah replies, looking back at Morgan. “You know, I can always talk to you as well. I’ve always got room in my schedule for you, Peter.”

And Peter nods like he’d really accept the offer.

Instead, he takes Morgan’s hand, leads her out to the car and takes off to May’s apartment, refusing to let the tears bubble over.

They do, as they always do, you can’t stop tears forever.

Luckily, the tears wait until Morgan’s tucked into Happy’s arms and May’s got her arms around Peter.

And he breaks.

His head falls onto her shoulder and her arms wrap around his waist, soft shushing noises escaping her mouth as she looks over at Happy for help.

“Tony, he- I just- May, I can’t- I can’t do it anymore,” he cries. When the words start, they never seem to stop. “I fucked up and he yelled at me. He told me- He told me I was being a nuisance, that I shouldn’t be there anymore. He- I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t leave Morgan.”

“C’mon, kiddo, let’s go play in Petey’s room, okay?” He hears Happy say, leading Morgan out of the foyer.

Peter can’t stop shaking, can’t stop crying, can’t stop sinking under the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat and I’m so tired, May. I’m so tired. Please, I can’t-”

“This never should’ve been put on you, kid,” May says, voice soft and gentle. She steadies him and leads him to the couch, letting him curl into her side. “It’s not your job to be the adult, to be Morgan’s parent. That’s not on you.”

“I just wanted to help,” Peter says, feeling pathetic and messy, like his whole being has been torn to pieces and strung across the world.

May nods, tipping her head down to look at him properly. “Get some rest, baby. We’ll take care of Morgan and I’ll call Tony, okay? He’s going to come through.”

Peter sobs, hiding his face in shame. “I can’t, May, I can’t sleep. I always have nightmares of- of Titan or the war or- I just- Please, I can’t sleep-”

“Peter, honey, I know you’ve gotten used to doing this alone, but I’m here now. If you have nightmares, I’ll be here to help.”

And that’s what he needed.

He needed an adult to tell him it would be okay. To hold him close and tell him that he didn’t have to do it all on his own. And May was there, she always was.

“Rest, honey. It’ll all be better soon, I promise.”

It had been weeks since he’d gotten good rest, always up at dawn for Morgan and always awake until the early hours of morning for Tony or schoolwork. His eyes closed on their own accord, slipping shut as May pulled a blanket around his shoulders.

And he believed her. He trusted her. He was still just a kid and when an adult says it’ll be okay, it has to be, right?

*He wakes crying, hands fumbling in the air to fight an invisible threat, but his hands are caught in the air.

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re alright, take a breath.”

And that certainly wasn’t May’s voice or even Happy’s.

“Tony?” Peter asks, voice breaking as the tears refused to slow.

“I’m here, kiddo, I- I’m sorry. I couldn’t possibly be more sorry than I am now. I really messed up and I’m going to fix it, alright?”

The living room is still bright, thankfully. Peter doesn’t know if he told anybody about his fear of the dark ever since he was dusted, but he’s glad he doesn’t have to spill those secrets now.

“I can’t do it anymore,” Peter admits through his tears, sniffling miserably as he pins Tony’s hand between Peter’s cheek and the cushion, closing his eyes. “I can’t do it.”

But Tony nods. He doesn’t get angry or upset or even push Peter away. “I know, kiddo, I’m sorry you had to do it in the first place. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. I’m going to get better, okay? I’m going to fix this now. Sarah is setting me up with my own therapist and I’m going to start being a better parent, okay?”

“I’m sorry too,” Peter says. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I shouldn’t have taken your kid and left you. I should’ve kept going, been stronger, I just- I couldn’t-”

The silence that follows scares Peter more than he’d like to admit, blinking his eyes open as more tears spill down his cheeks and his trembling hands grab onto Tony’s sleeve.

“Please don’t- I can’t- Are you mad at me? Do you hate me? I shouldn’t have- I was trying so hard and I still wasn’t good enough-”

Tony’s thumb runs over Peter’s cheekbone, gently brushing away the tears. “I could never hate you, kiddo. You were so strong, so much stronger than I could’ve ever been, even if you shouldn’t’ve had to be. If anything, you should be mad at me, not viceversa. I saw the things you were doing for Morgan-”

“It was nothing.”

“You drove an hour into the city three times a week for her therapy. You did all the groceries, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, everything. Morgan even told me about her birthday party that you planned for her. You worked nonstop and all I did was be an ass to you. You had sticky notes all over your walls to remind you of the things you were doing like fucking dance lessons with Morgan. You went to mom-and-daughter dance lessons with Morgan every weekend. Don’t tell me that’s not nothing.”

“You should see our routine,” Peter says, laughing wetly. “I wear a bright pink tutu and everything.”

Tony offers a gentle smile. “You’re my kid too, Pete, not Morgan’s parent. You should be in high school with Ted and the scary girl, going out as Spider-Man, dealing with all the trauma you’ve thrown on the backburner, not taking care of the things I should’ve been doing.”

“You’re going to get better?” Peter asks, throat tightening.

“Yeah, kiddo. I think you and Morgan will stay here for a little bit while I work on getting myself in a better headspace, but May and Happy are going to be your parents, not you. And when I get better, I’m going to take over, alright? You can relax now.”

Peter hesitantly shuffles over on the couch, making space for Tony next to him with a tentative smile.

And Tony doesn’t hesitate to curl up beside Peter and hold his kid close. “Thank you for everything you did for me and Morgan, kid.”

“It’s what Pepper would’ve done.”

“I love you, you know that? And so did she, even if she was worse at admitting it than I was. She was the one who bought the matching Big Brother/Little Sister t-shirts for you two. She wanted you apart of the family as much as I did.”

“I love you too, Tony.”

This is compromise. This is Tony meeting Peter halfway. This is the first step in the right direction. And Peter believes the promises that everything will be okay. He wouldn’t trade the past few months for the world. He loves Morgan and Tony too much for that.