#apologies for the long response time!

[bleachbleachbleach]

Hi! Love the blog, it’s great to revel in everything Bleach! I have two questions that have been plaguing me since I reread the manga in the past few months, and I was hoping you (or your followers) could help me. Spoilers for TYBW below!

What did Aizen (or his henchmen) take from Matsumoto for Gin to go to such lengths to avenge her?

And, spoiler:

What happened to Yachiru in the TYBW-arc? Was she the embodiment of Zaraki’s zanpakuto in the end?

Thank you!

We’re glad you’re enjoying the blog! <3

The Matsumoto question is so funny to me, because that’s a topic I’ve seen people discuss with absolute certitude what was taken and what the outcomes would be, and I have always confused because none of it was at all the impression I’d come away with. And I was like, damn, what did I miss??? How could I do you so wrong, Matsumoto, my baby girl, one of my very top blorbos??

The “funny” part comes from me immediately thinking “maybe we have fundamentally different assumptions about the nature of the soul” instead of thinking the MUCH MORE LIKELY, NORMAL, AND CORRECT thing, which is “oh, they read CFYOW and I haven’t.”

Because the version of this discussion I tend see is:

Aizen took a part of Matsumoto’s soul

—> which means she is missing part of her soul

—> which means she’ll probably never be able to achieve bankai

—> ultimate tragedy

I don’t get this train of logic. I don’t mean that as like, a “rawr they’re so wrong and I’m so right” thing. It’s just an interpretation so far beyond my ken my brain short circuits and I quietly let what meager thoughts I do have fall from my head, and then I forget about them.

Below the cut, 12 paragraphs of tangential talk of souls and bankai, and 4 paragraphs directly addressing the questions in the ask. Feel free to scroll to the bottom for those!

I BELIEVE the CFYOW connection here is Aizen explaining bits of Soul King (in Matsumoto’s case, a Nail) found their way into a bunch of people’s souls, and Aizen took it out of Matsumoto and fed it to his Hougyoku. Something something Fullbringers, too, but I’m not the person to ask about this because in addition to not having read CFYOW, I am also not personally interested in  the Soul King or the Hougyoku or the Fullbringers. But this CFYOW info does make other people’s discussions of this make a lot more sense to me!!

All the same, the reason my brain jumped to “different interpretations of the nature of the soul!” is because I don’t think I can personally conceptualize “missing” a *part* of a soul? In my mind, a soul is a soul or it’s not; there’s no decimals involved. Why I’d have this mentally locked in, of all things, I don’t know. I’m not a theist IRL, but apparently this is just How Fictional Souls work.

In my mind, a soul is like a worm, or a liver. Cut out a part of it, and it just keeps worming, or liver-ing, and its state of being and function are basically unchanged. You can’t have <I>part</I> of a soul; it’s either a soul or it’s not. The thing that got cut off is a shed item that has no definition. (Maybe what I actually have a strong opinion about is Matsumoto being a full, self-actualized, undiminished person, irrespective of her traumas.)

As far as Bleach goes, I don’t think we’ve had any canon mentions of souls that don’t exist as whole integrals (e.g. Pluses or Minuses). I mean, Fracciones, LOL, but that’s not really… those are not what I am talking about. XDD And the aforementioned Soul King body parts, but Soul King gonna Soul King. We’ve seen souls dissipate into motes, but I feel like that’s a transition from being a soul into being reishi motes that are Not Soul that will probably reconstitute into some other soul at some later point. The notion of giving someone your shinigami power and why that’s so illegal might factor in here, but those mechanics seem different, too.

There are lots of different interpretations of the nature of the soul, of course, and entire theologies dedicated to these questions. But I think the soul interpretation I like the best and that I think tracks with what we know about zanapakutou is that a soul is not a rigid, singular thing. It’s more a fluid series of occurrences and experiences bound together relationally, which I feel like tracks with the development of a shinigami’s relationship to their zanapakutou; there’s some base that you need to hear the name of, or some extant entity you need to come to understand, but beyond that your bankai (and to be honest, probably the higher-level development of your shikai) is going to be created of your experiences and desires and values and all these things that area part of your wily and ever-shifting but irreducible soul fabric. 

Again, that’s just me and what I think is most interesting to think about. Of all the things that could have umpteen different interpretations, I think souls are high on the list!

But thinking about the whole bankai discussion I see sometimes, here’s why it’s just not something I think about in that way:

1) Everyone we know and their hamster has bankai, sure, but I think one of the big schisms between our perception of this world as readers and the lived experience of shinigami in this world is that bankai is incredibly rare, a largely unknown quantity, and probably not something the average denizen of Soul Society or even Joe Shinigami thinks a lot about in their day-to-day. Bankai is the exception, not the expectation. 

Most shinigami don’t even have *shikai* and even people like Iemura, who as afar as we’ve seen is basically useless, is a cream of the crop shinigami, skill-wise. Unless you’re Ichigo being bullied into achieving bankai in three days (or Hisagi also being bullied into bankai for some Kensei reason), I feel like shinigami don’t go around thinking “this is why you don’t have bankai” because no one really expects that’s something to expect to be able to achieve. It’d be like going around thinking, “What part of my soul is missing that I can’t win a Nobel Prize?”

2) Maybe I’m just a bad Bleach fan, but I don’t really see a lot of value in achieving bankai, anyway. I mean, for the self-actualization, absolutely! But there is more than one route to self-actualization and I don’t think that not having bankai bars you from other routes. Bankai is a perfect storm of aptitudes and training and self-sorting, not an end-all. If it’s not in your practice, it’s not in your practice. I don’t feel like it’s the Soul Society equivalent of becoming a Pokemon Master, where it’s every ten-year old’s dream, a thing that’s purportedly normal and reasonable to want and achieve.

That reality is important to me, because I feel like it marks the distance between what is highlighted in our experience of Bleach as a plot-driven narrative and the Joe Shinigami experience of mulling about in the background, and that kind of thing really tickles me. Love it.

Okay, Matsumoto’s definitely not a background character. But even for VCs! Most PhDs don’t strive for MacArthur Genius Awards, and the implication isn’t that you’re unambitious or a deficient scholar if you never earn one. I dunno. I understand the trauma/tragedy of having bankai stolen, as in TYBW. What a mindfuck! D: But I don’t respond to “never having achieved bankai” in the same way.

But that’s all a huge tangent! 

What did Aizen take from Matsumoto, for Gin to go to such lengths to avenge her?

For me, the question isn’t “what” did he take; what was this important thing. I think it’s the act of taking—the audacity of feeling justified and empowered to do so. To use the souls of Rukongai for one’s own end, as though they are a resource and not a people.

What happened to Yachiru in the TYBW-arc?

Lots of interpretations here, as well. I’ll share what has always been my perception. Yachiru has always seemed, to me, an entity unto herself. “Child-like,” to a degree, but also nothing like a child, and not treated as a child. But also not treated as other shinigami—there seems to be some understanding that she is an entity unto herself. Don’t question it, just work with it. Which, for all the Gotei’s failures, is something they’re actually pretty good at. They know Yachiru is not really the normative shinigami, but she’s Yachiru, and they’re rolling with it. The same goes for Nemu.

She’s probably one of those things that I mentioned above, for which there is no real definition or designation, because she exists outside of the matrix. She is not a soul; she is not a sword; yet she is also both of those things. Yeah, I think she’s part of Zaraki’s sword, but not in ways that are equivalent to the Zabimaru spirit Renji speaks to in the Soul Society arc; or to dragon-Hyourinmaru, or to the humanoid Zanpakutou spirits in the Zanpakutou Rebellion Arc.

She is Yachiru.

[d8tl55c]

me: waiting for shoe(s) to drop

Personified Alan Becker YouTube Icon: oh... buddy...

[dimonds456]

It is not okay to speculate whether or not someone is suicidal. If they claim to be, you should 100% take that shit seriously and give them the benefit of the doubt.

That said, if someone is using their own suicidality as a weapon to gain sympathy, emotionally manipulate someone, or to push other people down, GENUINELY fuck that person. While it's not okay for us to doubt that statement just because they're weaponizing it, that also doesn't mean we need to ALLOW that manipulation to convince us of something.

If you feel the need to use your terrible mental health as a step-stool in a conversation to make your side more heard than the other, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself. And I am saying this as someone who ALSO has shit mental health and has been in the trenches with it before. I get it. I understand. But also STOP.

It's tempting to want to save your own ass over recognizing where you've gone wrong, but just a word of advise: recognizing where you've gone wrong WILL save your ass and give you better mental health and wisdom down the line.

However, emotionally manipulating people absolutely will not.

[queerliblib]

I have two questions!

1) I signed up for a library card a few months ago, but I haven't heard anything back. I've gotten emails from you, but nothing stating I was approved for a library card... what should I do...?

2) I really want to support you and other libraries, however I find rental times to be really restrictive (I'm not a very fast reader 99% perfect of the time. The time I read 4 books in a week was an outlier), would me renting ebooks through libby, but not reading them, be helpful to the library anyway? Or would I be effectively wasting licensing money?

hello! hmm, that is strange - I’m sure you’ve checked your junk mail, so the next thing to do is email librarian@queerliberationlibrary.org - that way we can do some cross-checking on our end to see if the account attached to your email went through or if it hit some kind of snag.

As to your second question, there are all sorts of licenses - some are the kind where we own it forever but only one person can read it at a time*, and others are the type where we pay X amount for Y checkouts, or X amount for 1 year and then re-purchase when it runs out. However, there’s literally no way for you to tell which is which as a library user. Generally speaking, I’d say don’t worry about it! high checkout rates are great for us, and we’re never going to know if you finished a book or not. Use your judgement if there’s a really long holds line perhaps, but otherwise, even if you only get to a few chapters, we hope you enjoy them <3

[cry-ptidd]

I got a currently unrelated but important and angst af question(s?);

I know you said that Jean didn’t know that the beast of gevaudan was his daughter Laura, but imagine if he did, before or after he ‘killed’ the beast. Can you imagine the raw heart ache and grief finding how that his baby girl was turned into a monster and (had to) killed her?

Also, if Jean and Laura somehow met in modern Hellsing, even for five minutes, what would be said between father and daughter?

Enjoy the pain ☺️

I'll add onto that, anon, and share some historical facts with you that make this situation even more painful!

According to sources (article in French citing Guy Crouzet), Chastel's signature doesn't appear on the Marin report written the morrow after the beast's death, the 20th of June 1767. In the article, they speculate as to why, considering it was very clear according to eye witnesses and the lord of Apcher. According to Crouzet, the hypothesis could be that he either wasn't invited to sign it or that he was, but refused to attend.

If we want to take this into Laura's story and canon, then the idea that Jean who is hailed as the hero of Gévaudan for killing the beast and whose signature on that report would've "hailed and justified his glory and exploit for centuries to come", refused to attend it. He knew how to write and read, everyone knew he was the one that fired the shot. Why wouldn't he come?

Of course, why wouldn't he come. He will be given money and his name will be remembered as the hero who slew the beast and ended its reign of terror. Except the beast had his daughter's eyes, the eldest daughter he hadn't seen in 9 years because of a single day where she went to herd cows in a clearing, when whatever the hell started to happen to her. He hadn't heard from her since, he didn't know what she became, if her affliction was cured, if she was taken care of. The daughter he knew as kind and obedient and devout and the sweetest and a bit naive child he proudly loved, then the worst thing happens to her and years later something similar to what she's seen, a "wolf-like creature" terrorizing the locals, starts to happen again.

And two years after the beast's continuous rampages, he finally meets it face to face, and it's unnervingly familiar.

He would barely have the time to even process what happened before it's torn up, and he'd recognize the awful monster he just shot was his daughter that he left in the care of holy men to cure her and she was supposed to be better so what the hell was that thing he just shot? Is that supposed to be what happened to his child? This creature, so hateful and plain ungodly, is what his little girl grew into?

And now he's invited to sign the Marin report to confirm that indeed he did shoot the beast. It's what he will be remembered for, for killing the monster that no one knows is his eldest daughter that "succumbed to an illness" nine years ago and he's later offered just 72 pounds for the life of his daughter. That's what she was worth, apparently.

It was also noted that the beast's body was very poorly embalmed after its recovery. I imagine that whatever they found - or whatever the dogs had torn up in Laura's stead - had a rough time. I think that if Chastel saw it here, he would've been thankful for everything to not recognize the dead eyes staring up at him.

[just-another-wren]

Have you ever seen fire that shows you your greatest fears?

Ẉ̙̭̯̳̓ͥ͌́́̿̃̆̏̕͢͜͜_̸̨̢̢̛̲̰͇̱̩͊ͧ̅͂̐̊͒̌̕͢͡ơ̴̴̵̸̻͚̙͓̥̙̤̜̪̥͎͚͎͇̭ͧ̃̀͋̊͌̏̅̂̀̂̑̀̏̋̚͜͟͟͝͞û̸̸̩̖̤̼͇͉̹̟̟̯̘̗͍̹͔ͦ̆̋̿̋ͧ̔͐͛̿̂ͮ̄͜͡ͅͅl̴̷̵̷̷̡̠̤̲̱̦͖̯͔̗̘̠̩̱͎̝̉͊̄̈́̈͛̄ͣ͆̊̀͐̾́̂́̈́ͬ̋͒̓̈́̚͠ď̛͉̥͔̻̩̻͇̝͈̓̏ͦ̑ͫͩ͘ ỷ̷̶̡̩̘͔̰̪͎̹̗̜̣̺̝͍̖̬̥̬̪͍̫̯̆ͥ̑̉͑̏̌̿ͩ͆̈́ͭ̏͜o̷̢̻͎̹̙̰͈̫̙̪͚͕͛͋̄̎̌ͨ̀ͣ̌ͫ̒̒̓̈́͆ͤͬͬ̍͋͆̾͗͑̓ͫ̒̂͗͞u̴̡̫͉̰̞̪̜̖̞̦̺̝̭͚͓ͮ̔͋̋͋̇͆̀̋͆́͆̐̌̀ͬ̈ͮ̍̓͌͒͜͝͡͡ ļ̰̯̻͉̉̌̀̀̔́͘ī̴̡̢̻̥͎̩̹̰͙̟͒̇͋̐ͣͬ́̑̄̏̾ͪ͛́̆̓̿͂ͨͥ͘̚͜͞k̝̳̉̀͠e͓̮̰̎͊̔̕ t̸̡̧̜̫̻̯̮̥̻̙͈͕̅̎͂ͫ́̂̊̄͆͆̉̚ơ̴̙̱̮̬̠̠̍̂ͮͯ̓ͬ?̣̥̲̾ͥͯ̔̏ͅ_̸̷̞̺̀͌̆̔̚

-No Fun in Fungus.

@tmnt-fandom-family-reunion

(Raph stills as she walks by the fire. There's something wrong with it, he can feel it...)

Uhh... Hey, Kadee-?!

(And feel she does.

So many things feel so wrong in that moment.

....He feels wrong.

Memories flash through her mind. Shielding his younger brothers from crashing, the portal closing... it reopening right in front of her.

The horrified faces on everyone around him... as Kadeen only stood there silent. Pink tentacles slicing through flesh not hers, the desperate screams of his brothers... and the dead silence in Leo’s absence.

...

And she screams.)

[suddencolds]

~

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Mr Gatto, is there anything you miss about sharing the lab with Luca?

There are some, but nothing Snow White hasn't achieved yet...

[sanctified-sanctuary]

Hiiii apologies for the sudden hiatus, it will happen again 😅, I was able to get my software reinstalled so I can get back to editing my icons and such though thank god <3

[aris-ink]

I'm going to post the next drabble request while I continue working on others because it was the first one I got and it's almost finished.

Please mind yourself and the warnings because it's explicit and pretty violent. (so ofc it's with Jungkook 👁️👁️)

This is why I am not using my general tag list for these. It's not a theme I haven't written before, and it was just an ordinary request to me, but I am making this post because I've noticed this is such a misunderstood and sensitive topic among people. It's the wording in the request itself that could be surprising and generally I have not seen great reactions to the phrase that was used. Even though I do find it a little bit odd since again this is nothing I haven't written before and there seemed to be no issue with my other fics on this, so there shouldn't be any now just because the phrasing wasn't gentle.

I really want to stop explaining myself and apologizing for the content I post, especially to followers and mutuals because I would like to think you know me by now and you also know what's here already, the content is dark, there are warnings everywhere. So I don't have much else to say on the matter ❤️

I did write a small note at the beginning explaining why I have accepted the request. I wasn't going to, but I refuse to have any readers attacked or made to feel bad for their requests, and this has happened before, along with my ask box getting filled with some pretty awful anons. Fictional stories — as well as the parts of ourselves we struggle with or keep a secret — aren't reflections of whether we are good people or not or of our moral compass and I hate that I even have to say this or make this into a big deal when again, to me it was just an ordinary request. It's how we treat others that matters and says everything about us. But 🤷‍♀️

❤️❤️❤️

[dandyshucks]

me waking up at 6am this morning and immediately having the thought "maybe Guz still gets angry a lot because strong emotions are difficult if not impossible to control esp if its rooted in abuse trauma BUT he learns how to apologize, and thus - especially in the beginning - he would lash out as an automatic response but quickly realize what he's doing and apologize for it and we'd move on and be okay" like it had been beamed into my brain from some divine source.

also junebug (waves. thats literally just me.) would have to do their own hard work to learn to not automatically fawn when someone starts seeming the littlest bit potentially displeased or unhappy (because that is unhealthy for all parties involved). they'd BOTH be putting in the work to make it work !!!!!! 🎉

[aliasl]

thinking a lot about Ryan (the boys) - Jack (supernatural) parallels

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE BOYS SEASON 4 FINALE

everyone obviously has strong feelings about Ryan killing Grace. sadly, i've only seen a lot of vitriol towards Grace for pushing Ryan into killing her... And it's Jack killing Mary all over again.

Grace is scared and has waaaaaaay more awareness of the current danger than Ryan, whereas Ryan is not objective about Homelander and is not understanding what's politically happening, all the bloodshed about to happen. Yes, Grace overloads Ryan with truth bombs about who Homelander is and is asking "too much" of him... but Ryan is not justified in killing her. Full stop. His life was not at risk. His AUTONOMY was. But he was face-to-face with his honorary aunt, who took him in and housed and clothed and fed him, crying, confiding her grief, expressing her love, visibly fearful and hesitant... and Ryan had to shut off his empathy to kill her in that moment.

And it's fiction! So, to serve the plot, this straw had to break. Ryan has gone from accidentally killing his mother in an effort to save her to then killing an honorary family member on purpose. Much to chew on; how did this sweet little boy get to this place? ... But people would rather spit out the story trying to be told (how radicalization happens, how how seemingly good people can be driven to selfish/evil actions, how power corrupts, and so much more) in favor of spewing misogyny. "she fumbled the bag!" "stupid hag got herself killed!" Immediate forgiveness for Ryan ("who among us would have acted any differently in that moment???" they cry), pointing all the blame towards the woman girlbossing-gaslighting a poor widdle boy.

Like... It's the same story again, as far as the vitriolic response to a woman "getting herself killed" by standing her ground/reaching out to a dangerous child. but i'll say it: THESE WOMEN DID NOTHING WRONG. the answer is not "let the dangerous, overwhelmed child walk away." the tragedy is that these women held out hope that their dangerous children wouldn't lash out at them when they reached out. they had trust. Ryan/jack didn't trust back. they rejected. they shut off their empathy.

now, Jack had his journey and we've seen him go the path towards redemption. but it's really awful to see Ryan kill Grace with no apparent sense of guilt and just walk away, and the only audience response i've seen is blaming either Grace or Butcher for RYAN'S ACTIONS.

and it's just not very heroic to refuse responsibility for one's actions. in a show about morality and redemption vs digging one's heels in and rejecting culpability, I really hope the boys pull off their morality tale and those uncritical of Ryan will learn better.

[bluejaybytes]

💘🍛 I like both of these. What's most important to your oc (of choice but I'm thinking of Maggie), and what their usual dinner looks like <3

Hiiiiiiiii <3

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

Maggie has sooo few people she's close with BUT the people she IS close with she is VERY close with, the three main ones would be her brother, Hawke, her Girl Best Friend (come to your own conclusions on this one, they'll never have an actual discussion about it), Jenna, and one of the ghosts that hangs around her, Opal. Hawke she was always fairly close with as a kid, while he never actually believed her when she would talk about the ghosts and their various shenanigans, he was always one of her strongest and most reliable supporters, and would claim to believe her. She knows now that he never actually believed her (She figured that out as a preteen), but she definitely appreciates the fact he was still always there for her and standing up for her when she'd get talked over by others. When she wakes back up after her murder, finding where he lives is one of her first priorities, because she's basically having like a million crises at once and figures he's the person she trusts must to be able to help her.

Paragraph break because I'm going on longer than anticipated WHOOPS. For Jenna, she's close with her for several reasons. The first part is... honestly just a bit of necessity. Maggie's lost and scared and has no idea what's going on, and Jenna's the first person to approach her and is someone willing to try and help her figure out what's going on, during a situation where anyone else would've just forced her to go to a hospital (Which... to be fair Jenna definitely should've suggested they go to some sort of medical help, given that she was passed out in the middle of a field and wakes up talking about being murdered). Outside of necessity, however, she and Jenna just like... basically instantly latch onto each other. They're frankly both a bit obsessive with each other because they both... really don't have anyone else? Once the plot ends and their lives calm down they'll get some other friends and their dynamic will become more sustainable longterm, but in the moment they've only got each other and GODDAMN do they have each other. Jenna's like 90% of the reason Maggie wants to actually take care of herself, because if she's not doing it, Jenna just does it for her, and she doesn't like feeling like a burden, even if Jenna's doing it willingly and without viewing as such. Their bond is so largely based on their willingness to support each other, so. yknow <3

For Opal, she's known Maggie since she was only a few months old! Ghosts took notice of Maggie's ability to see them LONG before Maggie would be learn this was Not normal, AKA, as a several month old baby, she'd track ghosts with her eyes and try and interact with them like any other person, which alerted the ghosts to the fact she could actually see them. This made her essentially a bit of a celebrity/VERY weird and kinda creepy to the ghosts, so word of the Magic Baby Who Can See Dead People spread, and tons of local ghosts would hang around just to see her themselves. Opal ALSO heard of her, and she just generally loves kids, so she went to go see baby Maggie, only to realize that oh man. This is going to be. a tough life for this kid. So she takes it upon herself to watch over her, and chases away other ghosts who bother her so that Maggie doesn't have to spend her entire life being harassed by ghosts. Their dynamic is a bit weird throughout Maggie's life, as Opal tends to be a bit overbearing, and also tends to talk over the living people Maggie's trying to talk/listen to, making it difficult for her to concentrate, but as frustrating as Maggie finds her to be, they still are very close, Opal's someone Maggie can be actually open with, and someone who is always trying to look out for her and protect her any way she can. Their dynamic gets WAY more strained after Maggie's death but this is already a VERY long ramble and that would involve a LOT more so I'll save that for another day

🍛 CURRY AND RICE — what does your oc's typical dinner look like? do they usually eat dinner?

Bad it looks bad.

Okay the actual answer is more nuanced <3 Prior to her murder, Maggie was still living at home (She was only 17 and had JUST graduated highschool, graduating a year early), so her typical dinner was just... whatever her mom made! Nothing too fancy, just pretty generic dinner items. Maggie's never really had much of an appetite, but also stayed up extremely late every night, so typically it'd be eating like half the normal portion of whatever dinner was -> stay up until 2am -> Get hungry and finish off the other half of dinner -> stay up until [god knows how late]. Her favorite meal is probably stew, though while she is an extremely picky eater, of the foods she's okay with she doesn't tend to have really any standout favorites.

Once she wakes back up after her murder and has to care for herself, her dinner is... crackers. As mentioned, she's an extremely picky eater, but she also has no skill in cooking and is also just deeply depressed, so she can't really give the effort to care about it enough to want to eat properly, so she just. doesn't! However, once Jenna starts hanging around more, specifically hanging around for long enough stretches of time to see Maggie's abysmal self care and eating habits, THEN Maggie's typical dinner stops being "crackers" and starts being whatever Jenna makes her. This is typically things like easier to prepare meals like mac n cheese, but Jenna always adds things to them that aren't included to make them nicer, so it's always more than just "box of kraft mac n cheese", its got some added vegetables and meat added in there to make it better!

Once Maggie actually starts trying to learn how to cook herself, her typical dinner consists of one single bite of whatever she tried and promptly failed to make, and then a plate of Whatever Jenna Made Instead. She's trying her best but oh boy. its not great.

[naw-naw-honeyimgood]

I have noticed a recurring theme in the characters I like that they're far too nice and forgive people who've hurt them far too easily. "It's fine" "I never blamed you" "There's nothing you need to apologize for"

meanwhile I'm two steps behind them snarling over their shoulder going "c'mon let me beat them up please it'll make me feel SO much better and they DESERVE it"

[orcelito]

I've been following that AITA blog for a bit now and it has me thinking about my own life situations with conflict and drama. A passive "do I have anything I could submit to that blog?" But upon thinking about it, it's like... I really find no value in asking strangers whether I'm "the asshole" in situations. There are situations where I'm clearly not at fault, situations where I was a little shit but it was justified, and at least one situation where I have a definite "Oh yeah, I was definitely the asshole there". All in the past, so it's not like I'd even need advice or anything. I already know, so what's the point?

Maybe it stems from me being a generally self-aware and self-confident kind of person. I know what's going on with myself, know when I've wronged people, & I have a mentality of "well, I'll try to not do that in the future." Even if I feel a little guilty thinking back, what's the point of asking after something when I know I'm at fault? Or situations where things were complicated and both people had fault in things, but I know I wasn't being shitty on purpose & that's what matters to me. Ultimately, it results in a bunch of strangers drawing conclusions about things I really don't care about outside input on.

Still love reading the blog tho. There's something about reading up on random people's life drama that satisfies that gossipmonger soul in me So well.

[shivunin]

👩‍💻🎶 for the snippet asks :3

Yay! Thank you so much!!! c:

Whiplash again. Sorry! I am doing them in reverse order so the sweet one can be first.

(Snippet asks)

🎶 share a happy moment. ANY happy moment. You must have ONE.

“Indeed,” Fenris said, stooping to retrieve the discarded spoon from the floor. “Your mother will insist on a bath if I do not wipe you clean.”

Leander frowned, his fine little eyebrows drawing in close. It wasn’t an especially effective expression when one half of his mouth was still occupied by chewing his biscuit to bits. 

“You are not fond of them; I know,” Fenris told him with a faint smile. “It is entirely out of my hands.” 

Leander pulled his meal from his mouth and babbled, gesturing broadly with both crumb-streaked palms. Fenris nodded along, reflecting on how strange it was that it sounded more and more like he was holding a conversation every day. Soon—any day now—he would actually begin to talk to them. Fenris couldn’t wait. Leander was nearly a year old now, and every day seemed to bring out new parts of his personality. 

“Thank you for telling me,” he told Leander, and reached for the dampened cloth he’d prepared ahead of time. “Are you finished?” 

“Gwehm,” Leander said firmly, and pushed the mess of crumbs away from him. 

His son squirmed when Fenris reached to clean his hands (hands first, always; he’d learned this the hard way) and chunks of food stuck to his face and pale curls. While he wiped the babe clean, Fenris told Leander about what they were going to do next, about playing in the snow outside as soon as he’d been thoroughly dried and bundled up, about how they would read a book together later.

He was so busy making sure Leander didn’t manage to stick his hands back in the mess on the tray that he didn’t notice when Hawke stepped into the room behind him. Leander, of course, spotted her at once. 

“Mehhh,” he said, clapping and lifting his arms.

👩‍💻 share a snippet that you worked on for a long time or struggled with

(this still isn't done T.T)

Something brushed her shoulder, and Maker but if it had been anyone else in the entire world she might have wondered what it could be. But—it was Fenris. She knew his touch as she knew no one else’s, so she recognized it at once. 

“Don’t touch me,” Hawke snapped, jerking away. 

Fenris snatched his hand back at once, but she wanted him to hurt. No—she wanted to hate him. It would be so much easier if she could just hate him. 

“You are a monster,” she spat, and he recoiled from her, his face gone to stone. “Say it, Fenris. Tell me I’m a monster.”

Why was it so cursed quiet? She could hear her own blood in her ears, in her throat, throbbing in her hands. She flexed them wide at her sides, flexed them until her fingers ached. 

“I am no better than Merrill. If anything, I am worse. I have killed twice as many as she has. I have killed for money, for rumors, for little provocation at all. I am good at it. I like it. I use my magic to kill people and I like it. So—say it, Fenris. Tell me I’m a monster. I am everything you hate—I know you’re thinking it. You’ve been thinking it all along—I should’ve just believed you the first time you said so. It would’ve saved us both a lot of trouble, wouldn’t it?” 

He was angry about everything else; damn his eyes, she wanted him to yell at her for this, too. She wanted him to do something. Fenris stood still instead, hands curled at his sides, his face stark.

The wind went from her all at once, her anger turning inward. This wasn’t her; or rather, this was the part of herself she kept very carefully away from the rest of them. And what had it gained her to hurt him now? Nothing.

Nothing at all.