#apologies for any typos; I broke my arm yesterday so my typing is iffy at the moment

[fairandfatalasfair]

A few years ago I ran across a post talking about flood gifts - things that come out of a terrible experience that are nonetheless good and valuable to you.

I think about that a lot in relation to Charles, because Charles very much strikes me as someone who has made a life (or an afterlife) for himself out of flood gifts. I'm fascinated by the contradictions of him, the way so much of his character consists of things that are fundamentally good and valuable and beautiful, and that come from such heavy and tragic experiences.

His protectiveness, which grew out of the experience of never being safe at home, of being determined to protect his mother even though he was a child and deserved to be protected himself. But that protectiveness is something he's proud of and should be proud of, something that keeps him and his friends safe, a gift that he gives to the people around him.

His skill with people, which he needed to survive in a house where things could go south at any moment, and to navigate a friend group that ultimately turned on him for being brown and working class and daring to step out of line. But that skill is still worth having. It makes him good at the work he's chosen to spend his afterlife on, balances Edwin's brusque manner and puts people at ease, allows him to create warmth and family and safety with people who push others away without even trying.

His relationship with Edwin, who only met him because he was dying. Charles didn't want to die. He had a life to live, dreams and goals and joys yet to be attained. That he died at sixteen, with so much of his life still unlived, was a tragedy. And also, his death was the start of the most important relationship of his life, with someone who means everything to him and loves him in ways he never was while he was alive. He can grieve his life, and still know he wouldn't give up his partnership with Edwin to have it back.

There's a lot to love about Charles Rowland as a character, but this is one that I keep coming back to in my head, the way he made and continues to makes good things out of the horrors and tragedy of his life.