#apocalypse world Charlie

[sirlancenotalot]

[420technoblazeit]

still thinking about how rowena was supposed to be bi and have a hookup with alternate universe charlie but they deleted the scene where it was mentioned. remember what they took from you

[idjits-areus]

Dean to Jack in the bunker kitchen: "Sam's just trying to keep you safe, kay? He's a smart guy."

Cuts to Sam playing with a fidget spinner smiling like an idiot in the Impala with apocalypse world Charlie.

[perplexed-confusion]

Sometimes your day goes normal and sometimes you discover the scene that implies apocalypse world Charlie & Rowena had a thing.

[mrcowboydeanwinchester]

thought about charlie bradbury for 10 seconds too long and now i'm about to combust. charlie died brutally and then a deeply traumatised charlie from an alternate apocalyptic universe came to the bunker and sam and dean didn't even blink they just accepted her as Charlie Their Charlie. but the charlie they really knew, who they loved and who loved them, died. and she never made it back

[monstermoviedean]

everyone dean cares about dies and/or dies and comes back wrong. and isn't that just the perfect way to torture someone whose whole thing is caring too much? give him someone else to love, let him get invested, then snatch them away. and if somehow they come back, they won't be the same. they'll be just different enough to be unsettling. just enough that dean can love both the old version and the new version, so that when the new version is removed from the board it hurts twice as bad.

[static-scribblez]

guys hear me out

mama doo wop and bug woman as this:

someone else is gonna have to draw it though i wanna focus my attention on passing my mock exams 💔

[osatokun]

New Orleans chronicle [long post]

Post for the people who comes in my blog and wondering who are the characters I constantly draw (and will go on drawing).

All of them - PC and NPCS from the Vampire the Masquerade games I play. Most of them from the longest game I had with friends, with its ups and downs the game lasted almost 2 years. here is the main player crew:

Charles Arthur Drinkwater (real name Benjamin Thomas Fox) -242 years old Scottish Malkavian, personal little mew mew of the local Harpy, surgeon since he was 20, and consultant in the weirdest occult questions. I played him, he was my first serious male character and it was very interesting experience. Dakota Salmon (real name Numpai) - 200 something something (230? 240?) years old Gangrel. She was primogen of the local Gangrels until the entire clan was exiled from the city. Highly respected by the clan, strong woman with cold logic and warm heart. She came back to the New Orleans in hopes to return gangrels their place in the city. She was played by @fj0rge Veronica Sugar (real name Veronica ) - a 100 something something years old Toreador, part of the coterie Charlie is in. A singer and vampire with the most high rating of humanity in the city. Crazy enough to get into Charlie's adventures and support him. She was played by @maria-ruta

Some of the names were taken form the New Orleans by Night book, but the characters are totally different. Plus our DM added just about every splat in the game. The game was set in 2022. From the foundation of the New Orleans it was ruled by Etienne Doran, Ventrue who always dreamed of making New Orleans the new Carthage. He drove the mages away from the city, united with local werewolves and in generally kept piece New Orleans (most of the time). However he was murdered in 1997 by unknown Gangrel, the entire clan was exiled, but no one ever found the assassin. Some of the names were taken form the New Orleans by Night book, but the characters are totally different. The game was set in 2022. From the foundation of the New Orleans it was ruled by Etienne Doran, Ventrue who always dreamed of making New Orleans the new Carthage. He drove the mages away from the city, united with local werewolves and in generally kept piece New Orleans (most of the time). However he was murdered in 1997 by unknown Gangrel, the entire clan was exiled, but no one ever found the assassin.

(here is Etienne and his sheriff and Brujah primogen Simon)

Since then New Orleans was ruled by princess Marceline, supported by local harpy, adopted Etienne's childe, Rene. Rene is also one of the reason Charlie traveled to the New Orleans. They did their best, but no one had the charm of Etienne, who could stop the war with a single smile

Now, to the main plot of the game (oh I'll try to be short) The main conflict is set around the prophecies of the future where masquerade will fall and the vampires (and werewolves) become part of the human society. Think True Blood style. Technocratic union mages,led by Eureka Jones returns in the city. As we learned much later,her department is trying to bring the project of integrating vampires into society to life. If her project fails, the future of vampires going to be..very sad. Charlie knew about this possible future from the very start which scared him a ton, but he could not ignore how much technocrats made to the people. And Rene, a true son of his sire, collaborated with mages for the future that he(and Etienne) always wanted. Eureka is magnificent but I have to finish her still..

In the same time, the Sabbat pack lead by Sascha Vykos, comes to the New Orleans. He knows about the future of vampires, but wants to play the main role himself. To ruin Technocrats he aims to find Traitor, the mysterious figure who collaborate with mages in their experiments. Dakota returns to the city to help fight with Sabbat (and possibly return Gangrels their place in the city) AND (like Sabbat war is not enough) the mysterious Gangrel courier named Mohammed arrives to the city, carrying a small suitcase. With the ancient vampire head in it. Living head. As we learned later, the head is imprisoned by the angel Gangrel named Enkidu, the angel constantly chops Gangrel's head somewhere in umbra, not letting him to heal. Both Enkidu and Angel leads courier to the unknown destination, when one courier dies, the other is chosen to continue his journey. The existence of the head was kept in secret until the end of the game (not surprising Charlie knew this secret tho..),but Sascha knew about it and wanted to get the head to help him find the Traitor.(and, well, diablerise later as a treat) Mohammed and Dakota (he quickly grew on her and they kept their loving relationships even after the game ended)

Long story short-the Traitor was Ada, Gangrel who killed and diablerised Etienne. Their souls willingly united and the developed a plan to bring new future to the vampires. In the end, Vykos pack was slain by Dakota, Ada, werewolf leader(poor lad died), Gangrels and one particularly charming Nosferatu. Gangrels was allowed to get back in the city, however Dakota and Mohammed (and Yaropolk) left to Russia, as they were sick of Camarilia and mages. However no one can deny that Gangrels led by Dakota played the biggest part in saving the city. What's Charlie's role you might ask? And where is his charming wife? Well, from the very beginning DM hooked me with a dream. Charlie saw a changeling in his nightmares, who asked him for help. And so, his personal storyline began. Of course he assisted other characters when he could, but his mine line is based around saving changeling. No one cares about them. They have no place in Technocrat's future, but now they are his family. He tried to find and then heal the changeling from his dream, who turned out to be young Balor princess, Monica. Her soul was stolen by the Settite leader(one of the two),mysterious Imhotep, who rumored to be Giovanni. Later Charlie learned that he's an actual mummy, which didn't stop him to awkwardly mess with the ancient creature. And poor Monica was in coma for the last 3 years, but thanks to her ability to travel through dreams she could try to seek help

While looking for changelings to find the one who called him, he met Glinda, the cursed Balor ex queen, imprisoned by other changeling house, Beaumayn in 1999th. Her changeling self fell asleep and she was guarded by a chimerical Dragon (who could take human form ),who acted like her abusive husband. While trying to learn who Glinda is, Charlie looked into her soul and immediately fell in love for the rest of his life. During the game they even ended up getting True Love merit Q_Q

A little backstory: as a teenage changeling queen Glinda saw the prophetic dreams about the end of the changelings. When she looked for the way to save her people, he was talked by Pentex and Nephandi into bringing a little apocalypse. Using the energy of the Red Star they'd bring a strong old spirit into the world, put it into Glinda's body and let her give birth to a new changeling-spirit creature, that will destroy the half of human population. Since Changelings get their powers from the dreams and fantasy, they will become stronger, because people will start dreaming more, hoping more, believing in magic and stuff. In fact a naive teen was talked into rape. The other house, Beumayn, freed Glinda's chimera, the Dragon, and burnt her in the chimerical flame, trying to kill her changeling soul and the spirit inside her. However, the spirit escaped to the Umbra and the connection with him helped Glinda survive. He forgot who she was, and the Dragon became her jailer, acting like her over controlling husband. However, the spirit creature lived and gained power with time, wanting to fulfill it's purpose and destroy the world.

During the game, Charlie found Monica, traveled into Umbra to the gates of Arcadia to get the healing for changelings and another Imhotep's victim. Healed them all, fought the Dragon on the Changeling court and freed a demon named Folly. With the help of the demon he turned Dragon into a simple human and won, freeing Glinda. The demon escaped in Europe and was out of the scene most of the time, but kept reminding Charlie about himself in many ways. Charlie learned that Monica's father was killed by her own mother, Imhotep's cultist, and adopted young Changeling. He also introduced her to a werewolf of the same age, Joshua, wanting her to have day-walking loyal friends wo she won't be alone. Later on they started dating, and in return Monica tried her best to represent Charlie to Gilnda in the best way possible. Glinda, Charlie and Monica quickly started to live together, Charlie tried to keep peaceful relationships between changelings and vampires/mages (or better say not making it worse).In the end, mages, vampires and Glinda united to destroy the old spirit without harming changeling. And Charlie, Glinda and their newly created chimera Jeff (who they consider to be their son) located Imhotep. Stole his power jars (I'm too tired to phrase it not in a silly way, but think of Baldur's Gate 3 quest with a mummy), destroyed most of them and watched Imhotep's army of ghosts destroying his body. Charlie offered the fame for killing Imhotep to another Settite leader, Manon, and in return she joined the ritual of the spirit's killing. Charlie knew that mummies are immortal, sooner or later he will come back, so he and Glinda dedicated their lives to the searching of the way to permanently trap Imhotep's soul and prevent him from stealing lives again. They lived +/- 6 more years in New Orleans (but traveled a lot), and then left to Egypt. Glinda stopped aging, gaining a lot of energy from their constant adventures and, possibly, connection with her true love. Monica, however, lived normal human life, forgetting she was a changeling once. She married Joshua and became a writer under the nickname Little Spider. Charlie made sure to collect savings for her, got her home, and the old Monica's home became a freehold for the new Balors. Ofcourse A LOT things happened in the game. And Charlie's story goes beyond one game, he have a lot of adventures in my imagination. But I hope that's enough..for the start! Some of the characters I managed to draw. I was so charmed by Glinda I just draw her most of the time haha

Dragon (Gregory Dequir) and Imhotep

Jeffrey

More finished arts for this game -> here Gangrel line up by @fj0rge -> here Nosferatu line up by @fj0rge -> here Veronica's references by @maria-ruta -> here and here and more Veronica here

More characters drawing by Ruta -> Jake(brujah) Jack(Gangrel) (Veronica has a J boyfriend collection) and silly guys Sad Charlie and Veronica comics by Ruta -> here

Thank you for reading!

[tlwebb]

[bowchickahwowwow]

Charlie Bradbury a victim of bad writing

I want to start this analysis by saysing that i do not hate charlie bradbury but i find that her character has been severely let down by the witers lack of abbaility to write canoncially saphc/lesbuian characters. I am also open to debate particulary as i am not a lesbian so i dont want to talk over their voices, so if anynoje feels any different to me please comment ande explain your reasrons i would love to hesr them.

To me Charlie Bradbury is solely written as the female version of Dean. She lacks development and her own true character. Although I don't believe it is inherently wrong to have parallels and similarities between characters, especially since there s a brother sister dynamic. I acknowledge that the similarities are most likely used to develop a bond between Dean and Charlie and to further propel the found family trope. As well as this is not a critique on Felica Day's performance, I think she is a brilliant actor and I am not faulting her acting rather the way her character was written.

My main issues is that she sexualises women and objectifies them. This is also a critique I have of dean, but I think this is more to take note of from Charlie as she is a woman so it would feel as if she would understand how uncomfortable it is to be viewed in that light. Referencing a porn star and, although this was the dark side of her, being a "player" towards women in a frat boy kinda way. As well as we have seen her objectify women in the past (I.e., crude comments and staring) . I am not saying that lesbians/Sapphic women can't do these things. However to me it feels as if instead of writing and in depth character that Charlie deserved we got discounted female version of Dean Winchester.

I am aware that she is a nerd and has many interests in geeky things. But once again this is a trait shown in Dean which has just been a trope pushed further by Charlie. Her being a hacker was for the most part one of her only unique abilities and assets she brought to the Winchesters.

Saying this however, I found Charlie's character much more interesting post-apocalypse. She finally becomes stand alone character that I longed to see more of. Even when she finally started to become her own, as a leader of the resistance. We rarely see her as a leader on screen, most of her actions being alluded to instead. Charlie, like almost every other character in supernatural was wasted potential. It's not that she was a bad character per say but that she was unoriginal as a concept. She was boring and predicable, when the sow needed contrast and something more original.

[thatpointything]

It’s been 8 billion years, but here’s more stuff for my Pibby AU, Reclamation. A lot of info on some rogue elements that are survivors just like Pibby is.

[toxic-garbage-island]

6 yrs ago I saw Hollywood Undead AND Avatar for the first time omgomg

[shinelikethunder]

let's also give a "he would not be That flavor of fucked-up, his flavor is way more convoluted and specific" shoutout to Sam Winchester, the one who does regularly get all pissy and judgemental about Dean's one-night stands, his slutty hedonistic creature comforts, the women he hooks up with, the men he bonds with, etc... and very earnestly frames it as concern for Dean's well-being and worry that Dean is throwing himself away on undeserving trash. no matter whether they both know full well that Dean will be on his merry way the next morning or whether Sam's seething resentment of a perceived threat to his primacy in Dean's life can be seen from space. only ONE category of Dean's relationships is allowed to be worth anything, thankyouverymuch, and whatever was going on with Dad was on thin fucking ice. keep on being hilarious and full of disorders, kings

i don't actually think teenage Dean Winchester would be spurned-lover-style jealous of teenage Sam's girlfriends i think based on his s1 behavior that it's far more likely he went "HELL YEAH my little brother is DATING he is going to SLAY at this and i'll make sure of it," unilaterally appointed himself Sam's wingman, had to be beaten back with a stick from micromanaging his brother's love life, and probably lovingly fantasized about all the hot chicks Sam was gonna hook up with and all the things they'd get up to because let's face it, who wouldn't fall head over heels for the guy? (speculation about kissing practice, which of course Would Not Count as anything except making sure the little nerd did their family proud, is left as an exercise to readers who are so inclined.)

also probably the closest thing to a jealous shitfit he pulled involved one (1) time Sam ditched a hunt to be there for his then-girlfriend's Important Life Event, and it'd be like 40% loudly-expressed "he should be putting his FAMILY first" and 60% ferociously-suppressed "we don't get to just DO that! if i've accepted only ever being able to date super casually for a few weeks at a time before we blow town then where the fuck does he get off thinking he can just PRIORITIZE this COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP BEHAVIOR bullshit. that i tooootally don't want or care about anyway. because it's for SISSY NORMIE LOSERS, not a tight-knit clan of ULTRA-COOL SECRET MONSTER HUNTERS like us"

like i think Dean did accept much more readily, long before he could even realize the ramifications of what he was accepting, that the way they lived meant the Winchesters' only long-term relationship option was "rampant emotional incest that we don't have to acknowledge as long as we all only bang girls," but he also canonically had all kinds of festering resentment about missing out, and was aware on some level that their lives required the sacrifice of a lot of things he secretly longed for (and made a lot of noise about devaluing in favor of What's More Important)

and the toxic cocktail of that + envy of Sam's ability to just go "nah fuck expectations i want something else" + boundary-challenged investment/enabling/policing of each other's heterosexual exploits as a bulwark between their family dynamics and The Unspeakable + freakout over the early warning signs of a difference in values on family loyalty + inchoate terror of losing him to the outside world one day + unthinking idolization and projection along the lines of "well of course this girlfriend would take him away from us and wrap her entire life around his if she could, i mean, have you met him? who wouldn't want that? this is WHY we have to keep it casual and not get girls' expectations up"...

...the entire dynamic of Dean being Sam's number one hookup cheerleader but also perceiving signs of romance/commitment as a threat... s1 Dean trying to have a hand in pushing him towards actual romantic prospects anyway, because he's worried about Sam grief-spiraling and has reluctantly accepted that the rupture in the family is about things Sam genuinely wants, even as Sam's grief is already driving him to the conclusion that they aren't worth the cost and meanwhile the brothers have spent all season bonding even closer and more claustrophobically as adults...

well, i think all that is way more interesting, and in many ways even more fucked-up, than applying bog-standard jealous boyfriend tropes to the absolute mess of their upbringing

[struwberrii]

oikawa headcannons ˚⊱🪷⊰˚

i <3 tooru oikawa

begs you to come to practice with him (he always shows off when you’re there and iwa calls him out on it quick)

has a stupid embarrassing contact name for you (like pookie bear or something but he’s 100% serious about it)

whenever he finds out something like when he was analyzing the karasuno technique he comes to you so excited to tell you all about it

sassy man apocalypse final boss

he has the most complex skincare routine that his big sister introduced him to

he used to use his sisters perfume when he didn’t have cologne on him so he would jusy smell like champagne toast from bath and body works (his team also made fun of him for it)

always smells sweet (like bakery items)

his voice when he speaks spanish is like 3 octaves deeper than usual

secretly loves brat by charli xcx

wears his skincare headband with a bow on it around the house

one time he opened the door for iwa with it on and now that’s his contact picture on iwas phone

he has perfect handwriting

gets so mean on roblox, like he genuinely sees red when he’s arguing with little kids

studies in coffee shops and tries to look mysterious

is really good at solving rubix cubes and puzzles for some reason

randomly picks you up and carries you on his shoulder for no reason

like hell just be walking around talking to people and doing stuff with you on his shoulder

if you guys fight really bad he’ll say the most hurtful things with a smile on his face and then gaslight you later into thinking he never said that

candy crush veteran (he’s been playing since it came out he’s on a higher level than your grandma)

waits for golden hour and sets his phone up to take his selfies

his hair is actually so soft like it’s unreal

loves coming up behind you and hugging you and just staying there for a while

genuinely cries if you praise him

makes tiktok grwm videos

type of guy to go and get his eyebrows threaded

he builds the minecraft house while you go find iron (YOURE A MAN!!!! OFF TO THE MINES!!!)

there is not a single bad picture of him out there like even if he’s caught off guard he looks perfect

never breaks out or anything like always has perfect skin

he’s the biggest drama queen, like god forbid he gets a cold the world would literally end

he has my melody house slippers

he has a lava lamp in his room that he’s had for like 5 years

loves fruit, like strawberries are the key to his heart

buys you drinks from the vending machine if you come to practice

sings in the shower really loud

has like 5 pairs of converse

sleeps with every stuffed animal you’ve given him

secretly listens to megan the stallion when he’s working out

d1 complainer, hes always whining about something

someone just tell him everything’s gonna be ok

[ladybirdswritings]

SWEET THING, DBF — joel miller x reader.

DESCRIPTION: your life is a storm—an overbearing father, a shitty boyfriend, and the ache of growing up. everything becomes more tangled when you find yourself drawn to your father’s best friend, joel. NOTES - no apocalypse! leave me all your thoughts and opinions. i love them <33 | next part

A03 | masterlist

sweet thing…

Your father did the best he could. You knew that very well. Charlie was a man respected and adored by his humble community. A hard working father turned single parent when your mom fell ill and god— you were his little flower. His sweet thing. His angel.

Flowers are fragile, though. Gentle, moldable petals and stiff, snappable stems.

It is why he kept you so close to him, so prized like painted porcelain just ready to crack.

It is why you were here. Here at Jackson’s golden hued dance with more powdered, jam-filled pastries and red, roasted meats then you could count on one hand. Here. Instead of the alternative option which was the party your boyfriend decided to attend without you.

You got the invite, sure, yet even as a legal adult— what daddy says? Goes. So long as you remain under his roof, at least. It was infuriating, though. The freedom of all your dear friends, the spontaneity. If only that could be you…

Your eyes drifted to the moustached sponge of all fun and joy in the world, wrapped in a flannel with bourbon in hand. Your dad was seated next to Joel, as he often was. His presence was a newfound thing for these recent years and though Joel would never say it, you had an inkling that he wanted to stand by his friend’s side after your mother… well.

You didn’t know Joel well. No, not at all. His visits were always the occasional dinner or drop in for fishing or some awfully manly thing. You knew well that your mother adored him, though— so that was enough to make him alright in your book.

Neighbor Betsy told you once that Joel had lost his wife and daughter too, and that maybe he was trying to keep your father from going through what he went through alone.

You only laughed at that.

Joel Miller was gruff and cold. Could he have such a warm heart beneath his sherpa coat?

You dazed out, the fingers snapping in front of your eyes made you blink back into the golden hues and roasted sausages on pointy little sticks.

“You alright, honeybee?” Your father asked, laying a heavy arm upon your shoulders. Joel was slower in his approach, eyeing you up and down with confusion and something else in his eyes.

“Peachy.” You only muttered, taking a sip of your freshly squeezed lemonade. Jackson’s finest.

“Oh come on now angel… now you know I can’t have you runnin’ off with that boyfriend of yours. I always told you he was trouble. Member’ when he ditched you down by Church Road during mosquito season? Well you were ripe as a red tomater and who had to pick you up?”

You were riper, redder now. Your cheeks an embarrassed hue not even on the color wheel, not even identifiable. You bowed your head, huffing out your frustrations before simply muttering: “you did, dad.”

He nodded proud, squeezing your shoulder. “That’s right, I did… what?”

Your eyes drifted up to see your father’s oldest friend with an odd kind of expression on his face. Brows pinched and raised, wrinkles plaguing his forehead deeper now.

Joel only cleared his throat, shifting on his boots and taking a sip of his bourbon in preparation. Then? He spoke.

“You ain’t lettin’ her be.” He gruffly offered, eyes set and sure. Your father only stilled for a moment, wondering if it was even Joel’s place to have an opinion… maybe it was.

“Why’s that?” He asked Joel, and the rough looking man only took another swig.

“Mm. We were both young once. We both made mistakes, y’gotta let her make her own— can’t hide her from em’. Just ain’t how it works.”

Poppies blossomed like springtime had finally begun in your eyes. Finally— someone understood. You didn’t expect him to be so… wise?

Your father only huffed, taking a long glance your way as he mused.

“Even if I wanted to loosen the leash tonight, Joel, I can’t. Maria needs me here to keep an eye on crazy old Arthur.”

Joel’s brows relaxed at that, a purpled hand running along the zipper of his flannel coat. His eyes were a chocolate kind of brown, dark and quietly encasing his thoughts within them.

He hummed, gaze drifting back to you.

You wanted to shrink. Perhaps it was because you were on the spot, perhaps it was because the way he stared would make anyone feel small.

It seemed like centuries before he cleared his throat again.

“I’ll take her.”

What?

You didn’t understand it, not one bit. Why was he kind enough to offer you an out here? Kind enough to test your father’s words.

Discomfort radiated through your father’s coat, tension molding its way into his already stiff bones. A long sigh, a glance back and forth as he truly considered. His expression was far too plagued with worry, and you knew well that it was now or never.

You had to slam down the last nail in the oak wood coffin.

“Please, daddy? I’ll check in every half hour, I promise.”

Tension eased, slightly but— still. Your eyes were doe-like and sweet, and he gazed into them for a moment far too long before allowing his arm to drop.

“Every fifteen minutes and you’ve got a deal. Miller, you make sure my daughter gets in and out of that bastard’s house safely.”

Joel only nodded once, jaw tense and expression stoic. Your grin was wider than a field of flowers, and you immediately wrapped your father in a hug. Your thank yous seemed endless, and it made him laugh.

When you parted, Joel had keys grasped in his rough hands. You realized for a moment that you had no idea why he was doing this. What did he owe you? Maybe it was pity. You were half an orphan, after all.

With a cautious glance, your eyes met his own. He nodded once as if to urge you closer, and you stumbled his way. Before you knew it? You were out the door, trailing behind him like his shadow.

Of all the people who cared enough to convince your father to let you go to this party tonight? Joel Miller was the last person you expected it to be…

¿to be continued?

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Every Fucking Time

Summary: You want to help Dean, but he knows you can't.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Lots of angst! Smut! Unprotected PinV sex. Slightly rough sex. Dean being an asshole. Dean being a broken boy. Hurt/comfort.

Pairings: Dean x Reader (You)

Word Count: 2,737

A/N: So, I just rewatched 13x18, Bring 'Em Back Alive, and the scene at the end never fails to break my heart. I just wanna make Dean feel better! 😫 But it got me thinking about how unlikely Dean would be to accept that help, and how his anger might manifest. Anyway, this is what spilled out of my brain as a result.

A/N 2: The title is a reference to Dean's line, "Every time we get close, it all falls apart. Every frickin' time." I have changed it to the non-network TV version because we all KNOW that's actually what Dean said.

You just wanted to help. You needed to help. You needed to make it better for him. 

Dean had slipped back home through the rift barely an hour earlier, talking about the apocalypse world Charlie and how he'd left her and Ketch behind, promising he would come back with reinforcements.

Then you, Cas and Sam had given him the bad news; no one could go back, you couldn’t send reinforcements. Gabriel was gone, taking all his archangel grace with him.

“So if it’s gone, then that means that we can’t open that door again. If we can’t open the door, then I shoulda never come back!” He'd shouted.

He'd tried to tamp down the rage and anger that simmered just behind his forced calm. Nevertheless, it exploded out of him making you all jump.

“Son of a bitch!” He'd screamed, sending books and papers crashing to the ground as he swept them from the table. “Every time!”

You could feel his frustration and pain like it was your own as his voice dropped, defeated and broken for the millionth time. “Every time we get close, it always falls apart…every fuckin’ time.”

When he walked away, looking as though the weight of the world was once again on his shoulders, you’d tried to follow after him, but Sam had grabbed your arm gently, holding you back.

“Leave him for now, Y/N. He needs time.”

You should have listened to Sam, but you could feel Dean’s pain like a lance in your side and you were desperate to heal him. So less than an hour later, you went looking for him. But he wasn’t in his room, or the Dean cave. The kitchen was empty and so was the garage. 

You finally found him in the infirmary. He was sitting on one of the beds, sewing together a nasty looking bullet wound.

“Dean!” You called out worriedly as you rushed down the steps. He glanced up at you but then went back to stitching himself up. “Why didn’t you tell us you’d been shot?” You reprimanded him.

He shrugged his unwounded shoulder. “No big deal. Ketch patched me up on the go, just didn’t have time to sew it up properly.”

You watched him silently for a moment, wincing every time the needle pierced his inflamed skin. He’d taken his shirt off so he could tend to his wound, and you couldn’t help but take an inventory of his other numerous scars. Jagged knife cuts, more round bullet holes, and a few waxy looking old burns, all marred his otherwise perfect, lightly freckled torso.

Some of the scars were very faded, barely noticeable, while others were newer; some of them were still red and angry looking. They were a patchwork of pain - a tapestry of more than thirty-five years of hunting, fighting, falling, getting up, and fighting again. 

It made you exhausted just to see it; it made your bones ache.

You stepped a little closer to him, but he kept you at arm’s length with an aura of silent, repressed anger that you could practically see pulsing off of him.

You wanted to help him so badly.

“Dean, I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, not looking up from his work. “No, let’s not. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

You let out a small sigh. Of course you don’t. You thought with a flash of frustration.

You were quiet another minute as he finished the last few stitches. Then you smiled a little, trying a different tactic. “So, there was a Charlie over there? That’s amazing. What was she like? Was she the same as our Charlie?”

Dean didn’t answer right away. He snipped the thread he was using and tossed the small silver scissors back into the first aid kit he had open on the bed beside him. He took some rubbing alcohol and poured it onto a gauze pad, holding it to his wound and sucking in a breath through gritted teeth before answering.

“Yeah sure, she was like our Charlie.” His voice was a growl of pain. “She was a badass, determined to fight injustice, sticking up for her friends, risking her life for them. And yeah, just like our Charlie, I left her on her own to be butchered.”

Tears pricked your eyes. “Dean that’s not true…you didn’t-”

“Seriously, Y/N. Just fucking don’t.”

You were silenced again, watching him clean up and toss the bloody bandages into the trash as he stood up from the bed. He reached for his flannel and tried to put it on, slightly hampered by his newly bandaged shoulder. You stepped forward to help him with it, and when it was on, but still unbuttoned, you slid your hands inside, down over his ribs.

You kissed his chest gently, and felt him twitch slightly. 

“Y/N.” He said quietly and you could hear the warning in his tone. 

You knew he was in a bad place, and the two of you had only recently begun to move your relationship out of friendship and into something more, so sex was still new between you. But you felt the overwhelming, screaming need to help him, to hold him close and let him feel your love shine through. You’d been in love with him for a long time, but you’d never told him. You suspected he didn’t love you back, though you hoped he might someday.

For now, though, you’d settle for being a soft place to land, if he’d just let you.

“Dean.” You said softly, kissing his chest again. “Let me help you.”

He pushed you back and turned away. “I don’t need help.”

You persisted, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. “We all need help from time to time, Dean.”

“Y/N!” He said again, louder this time, his earlier anger resurfacing. “I told you, I’m fine. Just drop it.”

But you couldn’t. You wanted to help him, whether he accepted it or not.

You moved around him, so you stood in front of him again. “Dean, you’re not fine. I just wanna help you.”

Dean scoffed. “Well you can’t fucking help me, Y/N. You can’t make it better.”

“I could try.” You cupped his cheek, but he pulled it out of your grasp, turning his head. You stood on tiptoe to try and kiss him. “Let me try, Dean. Let me try to help you.”

Dean grabbed your wrists from around his neck, glaring down at you, eyes blazing. “You fucking can’t, do you not hear me? You can’t help me, no one can help me! Because all I do is fuck up; all I do is leave my friends and family to die. And fucking you isn’t gonna change that; unless you have some kind of magical cunt that can open portals to another dimension, you can’t fucking help me!”

You felt your stomach drop, and an immediate ache started, high in your gut, clenching your insides and making you feel short of breath. You stepped back from Dean and swallowed convulsively, trying not to let go of the tears that clogged your throat. But it was a losing battle and they were soon coursing down your cheeks.

You nodded slightly. “K, yeah.” You didn’t know what else to say, turning away just as remorse began dawning in Dean’s emerald eyes. “Sam was right…I shouldn’t have come.”

You took off, bounding up the stairs as Dean called out to you. You ignored him, desperate to get away before you collapsed completely. 

You heard Dean following you, chasing you down the bunker hallway and you sprinted away. You got to your room just in time to slam the door and lock it just as Dean skidded to a halt outside.

He banged on the door, but you just moved over to your desk, dropping into the chair and swiping at your tears over and over, unable to make them stop.

“Y/N, come on! Open the door. Look, I didn’t mean that, okay? I just...just let me in.” He banged again. When you wouldn’t open it, he just kept banging. Finally he yelled at you through the wood.  “You know, I can just break down the fucking door! Let me in!”

He slammed his hammer like fist against the door again, rattling it in its frame. You jumped up and ripped open the door just as he was about to start pounding again. So his fist was raised and his features were twisted in a snarl as you looked up at him. But you were calm, even though tears still leaked from your eyes.

“Enough.” You said quietly. “Look, I shouldn’t have kept bugging you, you made it very clear you didn’t want me there and that I couldn’t be of any help. So, it’s fine. I’ll leave you alone now, and you can please stop raging at me and trying to smash down my door.”

You swallowed tightly and then nodded at him. “Goodnight.”

You closed your door softly and walked back to slump onto the end of your bed. You dashed your tears away as quickly as they fell, trying to dash away Dean’s angry words too, but failing miserably. 

After nearly half an hour your tears finally dried up and you decided to get ready for bed, sadness and hurt making you slow and sluggish. As you pulled your big sleep shirt on over your head, however, a noise caught your attention just outside your door. 

You walked softly to the door in your bare feet, cracking it open an inch to look out into the hallway. What you saw made brand new tears cloud your vision.

Dean was sitting across from your door, his back against the wall. His knees were bent slightly with his elbows resting there and his feet planted on the floor. His eyes were shut, his head leaning back against the wall with tears streaming silently down his cheeks. Or almost silently. As you watched, his face spasmed with pain and his breath seemed to catch in his throat, making the muffled sound you’d heard; it sounded like his pain was choking him.

You opened the door wider and Dean sensed you, his eyes springing open. At first it seemed like he might bolt, but then he shook his head as he stared at you. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” His voice was a harsh whisper. “I swear to god, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

He thumped his head back against the wall twice. “I just break things. Everything.” He punctuated the word by slamming his elbow back into the wall as well, hard enough that you were worried he’d break the bone.

You hurried forward to kneel on the floor in front of him, squeezing in between his knees. You pulled his hands into yours as you tried to reassure him. “Dean, that isn’t true. You don’t break everything; you fix things, save things. It’s in your DNA to try to right all the wrongs in the world, but sometimes you just can’t.”

He stared at you intently and once again you found yourself desperate to try to ease the bottomless ache you could see in his mossy green eyes.

His voice was barely a whisper as he reached out to run his thumb across your cheekbone. “Did I break us?”

You took a deep breath. “Your words hurt me.” He closed his eyes and nodded. “But…”

You were quiet a moment before deciding it was worth taking a chance, so you just said it. “But I love you, and my love doesn’t break that easily, even if my heart does.”

You took his hand from your cheek and held it against your chest, over your heart. “Not ever. No matter what the future holds, my love is unbreakable, even when you try to smash it to pieces with both hands.”

Dean’s expression was closed off, and you couldn’t see through it to his thoughts. After a moment he shook his head. “Don’t love me, sweetheart. I can’t…I can’t protect you if you love me. Something will come and take you from me - use you to hurt me somehow.” He closed his eyes again and repeated his words from earlier in the evening. 

“Every time I get close, it always falls apart.” He opened his eyes slowly and stared intently into your soul. “Every fucking time.”

He gazed at you for a long time, and you let him, hoping he could see that you weren't afraid to love him, and you weren't going to be scared away.

Suddenly he reached out to yank you into his lap and slam his mouth down on yours. You gasped into the kiss and then whimpered as he clutched you tight to him.

He pulled away from you, breathing harshly. “Am I forgiven? Because I was such a liar. I do need you.” He dipped his head to nip at your pulse point and flick his tongue against your salty skin. “I need you so fucking bad.”

You nodded, flushed and aching for his touch. “You’re forgiven.”

He crushed your lips with his once again, standing up without letting you out of his arms. He pushed you backwards through your bedroom door and closed it with a soft click, as he yanked your t-shirt off over your head, getting you naked in one quick motion.

You pushed his open flannel down his arms, being careful not to aggravate his newest injury. You fumbled with the button on his jeans for a moment, hands trembling, as he palmed your breast and squeezed, pressing his hard, blunt fingertips into your yielding flesh.

You threw your head back as he pulled your nipple into his mouth and bit it gently. You sank your hands into his short hair, tugging sharply and moaning loudly. He pulled away, just far enough that he could spin you around to face the wall. With a hand against your upper back, he bent you over slightly and lifted your arms, so that you braced them against the brick.

Then he raised your right leg, wrapping his forearm over top of it and spreading you open. You felt the knuckles of his other hand brush over your dripping wet core as he unbuttoned his jeans. Seconds later, you felt his tip pressing against your entrance and then you let out a scream of pleasure as he slammed into you hard and fast.

As he fucked up into you, he pulled you open even wider, reaching down with his free hand to rub circles into your clit with his calloused fingertips.

Eventually he dropped your leg, and pushed your feet apart while he pulled your hips back towards him. He never faltered or slowed his pace, just manhandling you into the positions he wanted.

You were bent at a ninety degree angle now, hands still braced against the wall, with your head hanging between them as Dean continued to pound into you so deep that he was almost lifting you off the floor with each thrust. 

He clamped his hand on the back of your neck, using it as leverage to piston his hips forward like a jackhammer. He tilted your pelvis forward slightly and suddenly he was perfectly, relentlessly hitting your g-spot over and over until you were screaming out his name and crashing into a hard wall of pleasure. You shook with your climax, but Dean didn’t stop, riding you through your first orgasm and into several more.

Your throat was hoarse from shouts of pleasure before Dean finally cursed loudly, shouting your name and surging into your body. With one last driving push,  you could feel him spurting into you hot and thick. He rocked his body against yours a few more times as his cock continued to twitch inside you.

Finally he stilled, both of you breathing harshly now, bodies slick with sweat. He laid his chest against your back, his arm still wrapped around your waist, keeping you close, keeping himself locked inside your slick warmth.

“Y/N.” You could hear the thick emotions even in his soft whisper. “You know, you save me. Every time I think I can’t recover, every time I think I won’t get back up. You make me think I can. You tell me I will.” 

He paused and his voice was velvety and warm as he breathed out across your skin. “You save me.” He kissed your shoulder gently. “Every fucking time.”

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