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dyaz-stories · 1 year ago

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hands shaking from holding back from you || Hyun-Su x f!reader

summary: Spring is here, and Hyun-Su offers to take you out on a date, which soon leads to more between the two of you

word count: 3.5k

warnings & tags: some fluff, angst because it's sweet home, kissing, heavy make-out session, gets pretty suggestive but never explicit, monster!hyun-su makes an appearance, the pronoun 'her' is used once in reference to the reader

first one-shot · previous one-shot

A/N: to give a little context, reader and Hyun-Su were in high school together, reader was only there for a year before going to another high school, and therefore has no knowledge of the bullying which hyun-su was a victim of. this one-shot can be read independently (there's nothing intense plot-wise that requires having read the other parts), but I do recommend reading them for context.

There is something strange about spring returning in a forever changed world. It had been so fitting, the apocalypse starting with winter, when everything was dead and desolate. Now, nature is starting to bloom again. The streets should be filled with noise and people, and you should be studying for your exams. Instead, you’re rationing your food, and you haven’t been outside in forever — you don’t need to, now that you have a knight in his torn hoodie to make sure you have everything you need.

Hyun-Su truly is the silver lining in the situation. The only good thing in the world as it is. He’s been more confident around you lately, more at ease. Still, it surprises you when he comes by on a sunny afternoon, and offers, with this soft, cautious voice of his:

“Do you want to go out today?”

You’re putting away some fresh fruits he picked for you, and you turn around in confusion.

“What do you mean, out?”

‘Outside’ is dangerous. ‘Outside’ is a place you only go when you’re desperate, and you plan as efficiently as possible, to ensure you spend the least amount of time there. ‘Outside’, everything is a threat, and you can only breathe when you’re back at the house.

‘Outside’ regularly takes Hyun-Su from you.

Sure, he’s around a lot more, these days, but he still has to leave every now and then. You’ve come to understand that you’re not the only one who relies on him, but he hasn’t provided an explanation, and you haven’t pried. It burns a little every time he leaves, and yet…

And yet, the fear that he wouldn’t answer if you asked is worse. The fear that he might not come back if you didn’t let it rest. The fear that if he had to choose, he wouldn’t choose you.

“It’s nice out,” he answers, and you notice him retreating even as he’s still speaking. “But you don’t have to, if you don’t want to—”

“No, I’d love to,” you cut him off before he can doubt himself further. “I just— Wouldn’t that be— dangerous?”

“Oh.” He smiles, and it’s mesmerizing. It’s not the bright, joyful smile you were used to seeing, back in high school, but being more subdued doesn’t make it any less genuine. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

There’s no cockiness in his voice, just confidence.

“Then… Sure. I’d love to go out with you.” And you’re not usually the type to say that, because you don’t have the guts for it, but you feel comfortable enough with Hyun-Su to lean towards him with a playful smile. “It’s a date then?”

He lets out a brief, surprised laugh, then glances down at his feet while his cheeks and ears turn red.

“Sure. It’s a date.”

Even if you were the instigator, you still feel your face burn at how soft his eyes are when he looks back at you.

He looks at you like you’re one of the seven wonders.

You see him lick his lips as his eyes fall on yours. You could always take the step to fill the distance between the two of you, but Hyun-Su rarely initiates, so you want to give him the chance to do so. When he does, it’s always so soft and so careful, like he’s afraid of breaking you. After a few seconds, he clears his throat, looks away again — and it’s alright. You won’t rush him.

“I’ll go get ready,” you hum, stepping out of the room.

You miss the way Hyun-Su follows you with adoring eyes.

When you emerge back from your room, Hyun-Su is waiting for you, and you follow him, heart rate spiking when you go through the door. Being outside again, without the need to go get some specific and vital item, is— strange. Your eyes dart around you, constantly taking in your surroundings. There are surprisingly few monsters, compared to the chaos that was early winter. In front of you, Hyun-Su walks casually, seemingly without paying much attention to what is happening around him. You trust him, you really do, but there’s you still find it unnerving about that.

When you jump at some faraway sound, that turns out to be just birds flying away, scared by your approach, he offers you his hand, an amused smile on his lips. He might even suppress a laugh, but you can’t tell for sure.

“Is that okay?” he asks you softly as he closes his fingers around yours.

He treats you like you’re made of porcelain.

“It’s much better,” you reply with a smile, even if you feel a little sheepish.

For a second, he stares into your eyes, before he looks away and lets out a deep, long exhale. You don’t question him, just give his hand a squeeze, hoping it comes off as a silent reassurance.

He squeezes back, then pulls you with him as you keep going through the city.

“Is there— Is there nothing here anymore?” you ask. It feels like you should have seen a monster by now.

“They’re here,” Hyun-Su replies casually, like monsters aren’t a death promise. “They just know better than to approach.”

You swallow. You understand what he doesn’t say — they know better than to approach him — but it’s not that much of a reassurance, for you. You quicken your pace to stay closer to him. It says a lot about how far he’s come that he doesn’t jump when your shoulder brushes against his.

“They’re not all dangerous,” he says. You know he intends for it to be reassuring, but all you can do is grimace in response.

“They might not be,” you answer — you remember a flash of wings as an unseen monster ripped the snake-like creature that was trying to enter your home —, “but it’s not like I have a way of knowing which ones are safe and which ones aren’t.”

There’s a long silence as Hyun-Su keeps walking.

“But isn’t that true of humans, too?” he asks you in the end. He sounds so— sad, and yet you don’t know what to tell him to make it better. He’s not like them, you want to assure him. You’d never conflate him with the ones that tried to murder you — but it’s not like you can forget about them altogether either. Being wrong about trusting a monster, being wounded once could sign your end.

“It is,” you reply slowly. It’s especially true in this new world, where humans have dropped all their inhibitions. “I guess it’s just— Humans have been less of danger to me, you know?” A brief laugh. “But it’s not like I’m running after them either, right? I haven’t stepped foot near the shelter.”

Your dad didn’t trust the military, and you’re distrustful of authority. There might be strength in numbers, but you wouldn’t feel safe being surrounded by men with machine guns while you have nothing.

Hyun-Su hums at your answer. It does seem to have brought him some comfort, and yet you feel the need not to leave it at that.

“You know I trust you, right?” He freezes and turns to look at you. “Both sides,” you insist. “I know you’re safe.”

His lips part as if to say something, before he closes them again and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. Finally, he nods.

“I feel safe with you, too,” he says. The sentence catches you by surprise, almost makes you want to laugh, because— who in their right mind would think you’re a threat? But Hyun-Su says it with such gravitas that you can only assume that there’s something that you don’t know about under there. Truth be told, there’s a lot you haven’t talked about with him. He’s not talkative, not anymore at least, and it’s hard to know which questions you can ask before reaching a painful subject. And there are countless of these, for everyone, since the Apocalypse hit. “Come on,” he adds after a few seconds. “We’re almost there.”

He pulls you towards a half-broken down outside staircase. You can’t make your way up on your own, so he grabs you by the hips to help you up, and you let out a surprised yelp when strong hands pull you close to him, his chest against your back, to lift you up. Immediately, his body tenses up and he stills, which means you’re all too aware of how close he is now, of his breath on your neck and his body against yours.

“Sorry,” he says. “Is that okay?”

Gosh, he’s sweet to ask, but you’re really happy he cannot see your expression right now.

“It’s fine,” you squeak, “just caught me off guard. Don’t worry about it.”

He seems to hesitate for a second, and oh, you’re so aware of his fingers on your hips, before he lifts you up as if you weighed nothing, first on his shoulder, then easily higher, so you can grab the bottom of the staircase.

“All good?” he asks once you’re up there.

“All good! Do you need—”

But he’s made his way up before you can finish your sentence, and you blink. Right. Some people are athletic.

“Go ahead,” he says, gesturing towards the stairs. “I’ll catch you if anything goes wrong.”

It shouldn’t feel reassuring, should make you think that you’re at risk, but you meant it when you said you trusted him. Knowing he’s there to watch over you… It’s like having your own personal guardian angel.

There are no issues, however, and you soon arrive on the rooftop — which takes your breath away. This had to have belonged to someone with money, because there is a whole garden there. Overgrown grass, flowers, and even a few trees. Birds are chirping, and it feels… Well, it feels like the kind of places you’d go to laze around on a sunny afternoon with your friends, like an actual park. Being secluded and high up, it is however much safer than any park you could actually go to now. When you turn around, you’re met with an impressive view of the city. It looks peaceful from up here, just a quiet spring day.

Then you notice that Hyun-Su is staring at you, and what you see takes your breath away. He’s smiling. Actually smiling. Wide and bright.

You’re quick to look away, embarrassed by the emotions you’re sure are obvious on your face. Tilting your head up, you let yourself receive the sun.

It’s been a long time since you’ve been this happy.

Hyun-Su often feels that, when he’s with you, all he can do is stare. He likes watching you when you’re at home, going about your day in the house, or sitting by a window and reading. It makes him feel so— welcome, knowing that he can just be there, with you, and that you’ll never mind his presence, never ask him to leave.

Never ignore him and pretend he doesn’t exist.

It makes him feel like he belongs, being around you, makes him feel at peace.

Or, at least, it did, because the emotions swirling under his skin right now are much more complex than they used to be.

He met you, or met you again, in the winter, when you were bundled up under coats and scarves and layers upon layers of clothes. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed the change in your wardrobe lately.

It makes sense, of course. Days are getting warmer. Not only is there no need for you to keep wearing pullovers and disappear into huge coats. But the way your clothes are hugging your body these days, how they accentuate your curves, how your t-shirt rides up to reveal the skin of your stomach…

He can’t say that it makes it more difficult to be around you, because he doesn’t think that anything could do that. You make him feel like he can breathe again, like he’s finally coming up to the surface after spending ages lost in dark waters, not knowing which way was up and which way was down. It’s just that it— takes a lot of place in his mind.

He can already barely stop thinking about you as it is, knows that the Kid and Yi-Kyung have noticed already how his mind always seems to wander away from them. This, though, this is a whole other can of worms. Because he doesn’t know how to act about it. Doesn’t know how you’d feel if you knew. Doesn’t know if you’d look at him with pity, if you’d tell him you never want to see him again, if it would disgust you.

Yet, no matter how much he tries to stop himself, he always comes back to staring. You tilt your head up towards the sky, close your eyes.

You’re beautiful.

If he was another man, he’d walk up to you to wrap his arms around you, he’d whisper something in your ear, he’d kiss you.

Just as the thought crosses his mind, his leg twitches. It takes him a second to understand that it’s not just an involuntary muscle reaction. Inside him, the monster is swelling, clawing its way up towards the surface.

If you don’t do something about this, I will, it whispers inside him. And let’s be honest, maybe that would be for the best, because what could you do? At least I wouldn’t be afraid to touch her.

Hyun-Su tries his best to force it back down, to ignore the sting of the words, but the monster refuses to let up. Finally, he takes a step in your direction, then another. The closer he is to you, the less the monster puts up a fight — but it still refuses to go down completely.

You turn to look at him when he reaches you, tilting your head in quiet questioning.

Hyun-Su feels himself lifting his hand to touch your cheek, and it’s so spontaneous, so natural that he can’t really say who’s in control there. Your skin is soft under his, and as he leans in to kiss you, he cannot forget how fragile you are compared to him. How one wrong surge from the creature he harbors inside himself could end it all, how careful he needs to be.

And, when his lips brush against yours and you kiss him back without hesitation, he’s reminded of how you either don’t know that or don’t care.

There must be something in the air, because without thinking, his hand comes to your waist, then the small of your back, pulling you close to him. Again, he can’t tell if it’s the monster making its own decision, or if it’s just natural and he’s just doing what he truly wants to do. Both thoughts are worrying.

But you’re not aware of all the questions going on his mind, and all you do is tilt your head up to give him better access to your mouth — and it makes his pulse rush and his mind goes haywire.

Normally, he’d know better. Right now, he feels your hands, trapped against his chest, gripping his hoodie and pulling him down towards you, just a little closer, because there isn’t much space left between the two of you anyway.

He tilts you back now, still without thinking — there isn’t enough space for that in his mind at this moment, not when it’s so filled with you you you — hands firmly holding you against him. His tongue pushes against your lips, and you part them almost immediately, welcoming him in your mouth. His blood is pumping, his whole body feels scorching hot, and you’re right there, running your fingers along his jaw and over his neck, leaving burning trails everywhere you touch.

His tongue intertwines with yours and he feels, more than he hears, you whimper into him.

Immediately, a sense of urgency forces him to pull back. One second, he’s pressed against yours, the next, he’s taken two steps back, and your eyes open in confusion.

“Are you okay?’ he asks, searching for a way he’s hurt you, anything indicating that something’s wrong. But all he finds is swollen lips that you press together as you glance away from him.

“Um, yeah, everything’s fine,” you mumble, and it takes an embarrassingly long time for him to understand what kind of noise that was.

Oh.

He’s immediately desperate to hear it again.

He brings you back against him to kiss you once more, and there it is, coming from the back of your throat.

He’s not sure what happens, who initiates what, if he’s in control at all, but soon he knows that your back is against the grass, and he’s above you, kissing you just as fiercely. Your hands are wandering now — his shoulders, first, then his arms, then tracing the muscles of his chest and down to his abs. He wants to respond in kind, wants so badly to feel you, but the second he moves his hands, fear assaults him again.

“Is that—” He breaks the kiss to look at you in worry. “Is that okay?”

He illustrates the question with the softest of touch on your skin. You let out a brief laugh — not a mocking one, though.

“You really don’t have to keep asking that,” you say, and your eyes are adoring. Then, when he stays still, you push yourself on your elbows to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. Then his jaw. Then his neck.

Hyun-Su can only stay there, frozen in bliss, as you pepper his skin with kisses. Finally, as you’re reaching his collarbone, you take his hand in yours to bring it back on your body, and then you lie back down, allowing him to take the lead now.

His hand is shaking as he slides it under your t-shirt, all of his senses overwhelmed with need. He wants you so bad, he has a hard time understanding it. Kissing you is familiar. The way your body arches against yours, pushing into his touch— isn’t. His immediate want for more, more of the sounds you make, more of your body, more of you, that is all new, too.

He feels feverish as he mirrors your previous actions, kissing down your neck and lingering in one spot when he discovers it makes you whimper. Now that you’re not muffled with his mouth, your sounds echo louder, and they’re music to his ears, in a way that fuels the fire you’ve lit inside him. His hips press down into you, and a jolt of pleasure jolts through him, which when he realizes that he’s—

He tears himself away from you for the second time, stumbling back to end up just a couple meters away from you.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “sorry about that.”

You sit up, looking a little confused.

“Are you okay?” you ask softly.

It’s his line, and it takes him a while to piece together what you could mean by that. It’s not like there’s any way for you to hurt him. If anything, you should be disgusted by him. There’s no way you didn’t feel him, which means you know he’s hard. But you’re just looking at him in concern.

“Sorry,” he repeats. “I shouldn’t— I shouldn’t have—”

“Hyun-Su,” you call gently as you scoot over towards him. “It’s all good. I didn’t— um— I didn’t mind. But we— we can stop here for now, if you’d rather.”

Inside him, the monster protests vaguely, but this time Hyun-Su has no issue sending it back to the abyss it came from. He’s overwhelmed, heart beating erratically, and he doesn’t know what would happen if things kept going. He wasn’t in control, not really, and he— he can’t risk it. Not with you.

“Sorry,” he repeats, feeling miserable.

Slowly, you put your arms around him. There’s nothing suggestive about it. You’re just doing your best to bring him comfort.

“It’s okay,” you whisper. Your fingers run gently through his hair in appeasing motions. He rests his head against your shoulder.

He’s not alone.

You’re just there, talking to him, touching him, right against him. You’re not doing anything to move away, not looking at him like he’s some mistake, and it feels like his heart is trying to jump out of his chest.

“Thank you,” he mumbles.

Your fingers still for a moment, before you go back to your ministrations.

“For what?”

And, God, the fact that you don’t even know, that you don’t even realize everything you’re doing, everything you’ve done for him since that first day when you spotted him in the street and ran after him…

He draws in a trembling breath.

“Thank you,” he just repeats.

You don’t ask any more questions, just keep gently playing with his hair.

The sky’s blue, the birds are singing, the town is quiet. It’s just you and him, sitting in the grass, on the rooftop.

If someone were to miraculously pass by and see the two of you there, they’d probably think that you were, indeed, on a date.

okay, I hope you're enjoying this little series! I'm not sure what I'll work on next. i know i'm eventually going to write smut for them, though it's going to be very soft because... well it has to be between them lol. someone has also said they wanted to see them tackle the world together a bit more, so I'm also thinking about writing a one-shot where they meet ha-ni and ho-sang, because i thought that ho-sang's intense dislike for hyun-su could imply they've met before. anyway, yeah, i have a couple different ideas.

i would really appreciate it if you left a comment, whether here, in the tags or in a reblog, and tell me anything you're liking in this series! interactions really motivate me and keep me writing :)

next one-shot

#hyun su x reader #cha hyun su x reader #sweet home #sweet home netflix #cha hyun su #sweet home x reader #sweet home season 2 #cha hyunsoo #cha hyunsoo x reader #hyunsoo x reader #sweet home imagine #sweet home fanfic #my writing

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meet-me-backstage · 8 days ago

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𓃗

𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐞

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ꥟ Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ꥟ It had been years since you ran away from Joel Miller, a hunter, frightened for your life and of who he had become. Before the infected roamed he was the grumpy single father of a chirpy little girl who lived across the street from you and kept himself to himself… until he didn’t, not with you at least when you began watching over Sarah while he couldn’t. He became someone who you could talk to, a friend dare you say, a silly little crush and your lifeline at the beginning of the apocalypse.

Now you are residing in Jackson, a slice of heaven in a cruel world, the perfect distraction from your past and the hell you went through to get away from it. However, you realise that the past really does always come back to haunt you when all too familiar faces arrive at Jackson and you have no other choice but to face Joel again, who makes it his mission to fix your broken friendship.

Unable to fight your heart, feelings resurface and lines blur when it becomes clear that you are just as much Joel’s lifeline as he is yours.

𝑨 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈!

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ꥟ Horror themes, not following the second season/game so kinda au, reader can sing and play guitar, weapons, bad language, death, grief, parental neglect, angst, mentions of pregnancy and stillbirth, blood, violence, nightmares, PTSD, a lil smidge of dark!Joel, Jackson!Joel, soft & protective with a bit of a dad bod!Joel, unrequited love until it isn’t, jealousy, mutual pining, age gap (reader is 36 and Joel is 56) and smUUUUT (‼️) so you must be 18+ to read❗️

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐞 ꥟ 10.5K (wtaf🫢)

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐞 ꥟ Horror themes, mention of death, grief, mentions of pregnancy and stillbirth, mention of blood and vomit, PTSD, nightmares, bad language and weapons.

𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲, 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ‘𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞’ 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝! <𝟑

⇜ ⌚️ ‘𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞’ 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ⌚️

NOW

𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

His voice haunts your mind day and night. It had lingered, wormed its way into the depths of your brain and buried itself into the trench-like indents of it like the parasitic fungi that had wreaked havoc on the world twenty years ago. It's crazy really, how you could not decide what was worse, the infected or Joel Miller...

On days like today, you almost wish that you had been mauled by one of those rotting monsters instead of ever having been under that intense and unwavering brown stare of his. A bite from a runner and Joel's existence, they're not all that different to you. If you'd have been bitten, at least you knew that it'd be over within a few days, that the pain inflicted upon you would only be temporary... that deep and harsh Texan drawl, it had you in that stage between being bitten and losing your mind, except it was never ending, a permanent, inescapable limbo.

You'd lost hope in ever forgetting, it's been sixteen years since you last heard his voice in the flesh so how could you even fathom an escape from it at this point?

All you could do was throw yourself shoulders deep into distractions, hay and horse manure being two of them.

Every day you arrived at Jackson Ranch bright and early to tend to the horses. Your role there as a stable-hand is ideal and smooth-running, usually, and it comes with a bonus of company in the form of large-scale dogs, your preferred company, though you would never tell Maria that.

Justified, Ajax, Callus, Silver Dollar, Maggie, Old Beardy, Guinevere, Old Belle, Branwen, Murphy, Old Boy, Bandit, Pearl and Shimmer. All a mix of stallions and mares, friends you never knew you needed until you took on this job that you had very little experience in before the end of the world as you knew it.

Going beyond Jackson's sturdy walls was a no go so patrolling was out of the question.

Some roles going required previous experience, either in medicine or biology so you couldn't be a doctor.

Being a teacher or hunter crossed your mind for a split second before making you sick to your stomach.

Taking on the role of a cook, barmaid or trader meant that you had to constantly face people, be sociable and smile even when you didn't want to, and you were in no state to do or be any of it seven years ago, when Maria found a desolate Jackson and sought to build a settlement out of it.

That left only three jobs for you to pick from: keeping Jackson maintained, the greenhouses thriving or the horses healthy, groomed and content. Initially, you chose to be a gardener... you lasted six months. It had brought back some meaning into your life, knowing that you were doing good for the community from a distance that you could tolerate, that it'd brighten the food palette of all of Jackson's residents and that the kids of Jackson would grow up healthy and well fed. The catch for you was the quietness of the role, the silence was deafening and allowed too much space in your mind for it to drown into the depths of what you'd lost to get here.

You felt even more useless than you did before you met Maria, who did everything she could to help you fit into a community that you didn't believe in anymore. With a stern knock on your door one morning, she practically dragged you by the arm to Jackson Ranch and coerced you into the hands of Rick, the man in charge of the ranch, in order for him to train you into the hard-working stable-hand that you are today.

Maria had, had it less than easy, leading a group of people who looked to her and her late father for guidance in a cause that didn't seem attainable when people were constantly dying around them.

Like you, she had to make life-altering decisions for the good of herself and others she'd met along the way.

Tagging along with her was not a choice that you made, neither was living or dying, Maria made both choices for you. It had been a walk in the park, the years you spent with her group searching for a decent place to start a new life, at least when you compared it to the hell that you went through to find her group in the first place.

Leaving your first and only group before joining Maria's was a gut-wrenching decision, the toughest one you've ever had to make. You knew that there would be risks, danger and fatal consequences if anything went wrong... you knew it - god, you knew it, yet you still went along with it anyway and you sure did suffer the worst of consequences on your journey from Boston to Colorado.

You hadn't been alone on your month and a half long journey, two others were with you, Charlie, a runaway hunter and an unlikely friend that you'd gained on your way to the Boston QZ from Austin. The other, well, you tried not to think about him too much.

Unlike Maria, you'd failed because neither made it to her camp alive.

You made it... empty and alone, which was the biggest consequence of all.

Though you were entirely unaware that you had. You didn't remember collapsing in the snow with a stillborn baby in your arms, being found by a handful of Maria's group just a few miles from the very people you'd tried so hard to find, and taken back to her camp on horseback.

Sixteen years had passed and still all you could remember was waking up, the bright whiteness of a medical light making your eyes strain, an unusual and rapid beeping noise and slurred voices that you didn't recognise all around you. Once your consciousness came over you, your eyes blinking constantly to try and adjust to the unusual light, you remember panicking, noticing the lack of blood and dirt on your skin before kicking your legs out from under a heavy white duvet and desperately straining out cries to see your baby and Charlie.

Your breath hitches, getting trapped in your throat before you gulp, swallowing the air down quickly as you subtly shake your head and mumble a 'nope' under your breath, choosing to steer your focus onto the task at hand.

You usually spend the first hour of your morning in the stable and today has been no different. You fill the wire racks hanging off of the edge of each stall with fresh hay, starting from the closest to the entrance and working your way down. Then you groom and dress the horses required for each patrol shift that had been listed next to the names on the patrol board on your way into the stable this morning.

During the winter months more horses are needed for each patrol shift due to the increased likelihood of running into a horde at this time.

Not even a blizzard could stop them from pushing through routes towards Jackson - you'd seen it for yourself, how they ran as if the strength of violent gusts of air was no match against them... and not only that, they were typically more angry from being so ravenous at the lack of animals and humans around so you weren't surprised that Maria had made sure numbers of patrollers had doubled with the thaw that came yesterday evening, the infected would travel easy and fast while the weather was this clear, desperate to find their next victim.

You were still surprised to see that Maria's name had been messily jotted down alongside Maggie's.

Maggie had always been Maria's girl, she would accept no one but Jackson's chosen leader so you knew that it couldn't have been a mistake, and even if it was you'd learnt to accept the fact that there is no fighting Rick because he is 'always right'. Recalling one of your first pointers during training, you do as what is written and dress the mare anyway before dedicating an equal amount of time with each horse as if they are children fussing for your attention.

You're stroking Maggie's pink muzzle, your fingers gently tracing just below her nostrils when you hear your name being called behind you. You flinch, making your fingertips brush over her whiskers and causing her to snort.

"Is Maggie ready for me?" Maria asks, strolling into the stable with purpose, wearing clothes suitable for beyond Jackson's walls, a padded forest green winter jacket over a faded brown shirt paired with jeans and snow boots.

You turn on your heel, your palm cupping just above Maggie's nose, "she's ready for you," you respond with a nod, pursing your lips together after as if to stop yourself from vocalising your worry. You watch her cautiously as she walks towards Maggie, naturally stepping out of the way so that she can lead the horse out of the stall. Your lips pop open unconsciously, a hum leaving them before you cut it short - you can't just let her go, "but—"

She cuts you off with a deadpan look, Maggie does the same, side-eyeing you as if to say 'don't question my human'.

You shut your mouth for a brief moment as Maria and Maggie resume their movements towards the opened stable doors that go directly to Jackson's main gate. "Maria—"

"I'm fine," she calls without turning her head to look at you, still walking and leading Maggie.

"Hey," you start jogging, catching up with her while being careful not to spook Maggie, "hang on a second - are you sure?" You reach out to touch Maria's arm in order to grab her attention, your fingertips brush against her jacket, "I'm sure they can spare yo—"

"No, I've got it," she states casually, ignoring your touch.

"Or - or someone can fill in for you, there's gotta be someone else? What about - T-ommy?" Your eyes light up at the idea but your voice still trembles slightly when his name leaves your lips, though you try your best to hide it by lowering it.

"Tommy is doin' construction work today, you'd know that if you showed up to dinner last night," Maria sighs, finally halting her steps and giving you an expectant glance over her left shoulder.

Oh.

Your head tilts and your brows furrow in genuine confusion that Maria doesn't seem to buy, but you truly didn't remember her inviting you over.

When she notices your confusion she raises her brows at you, now turning her entire body to face yours, "I visited you at the end of your shift here yesterday? You really don't remember me asking you to come over?"

Oh.

She did.

Your eyes widen in realisation and your grip on Maria's upper arm tightens for a moment, "shit - I'm so sorry, Maria."

"You said you'd be right over."

You did.

Unable to think of an excuse quickly enough that you already know she won't believe and will make her late for patrol when she'd already made the effort of being here early to pick up Maggie, it'll only aggravate her more to lie to her face… and you hated to let Maria down of all people, she took a chance on you, believing in your survival more than anyone else did when you were weak and unable to move from the bed that her people had tucked you into after finding you unconscious in the snow.

"I'm sorry - I forgot," you tell her, sheepishly avoiding eye contact and deciding to focus on the straws of hay stuck to the bottom of your own snow boots.

Maria hums, scrutinising you with her deep brown eyes, "You forgot," she repeats before placing her spare hand on her hip, "like when you forgot to decorate the Christmas tree with us? When you forgot open mic night? Or the countless times you forgot drinks at the Tipsy Bison?"

"Yes," you answer quickly, your hand dropping down to your side as your palms start to sweat at her questioning, "exactly like all those other times I - forgot." Very convincing. "I'm sorry - again."

She shakes her head and blinks slowly, doing very little to hide her annoyance towards you, "stop apologizing."

"Sorry," you mumble without thinking.

"Don't. Just - show up next time, okay?" Maria asks you with a raised brow. "Tommy doesn't bite."

"You sure about that?" You try to joke but you end up sounding unsure instead.

You failed to amuse Maria as it hadn't been the first time you'd tried to mask your uneasiness with humor whenever Tommy was mentioned. "I've given him enough trouble from the first day he stepped foot in Jackson and he's done nothing but prove himself time and again. He's a good worker - a good man... and he's really tryin' to get on your good side so will you please try cutting him some slack?"

"I'm - workin' on it," you sigh out, nodding with a lack of purpose that, again, Maria notices.

She exhales your name slowly, quietly, but loud enough for you to hear, "He is not his brother." Maria never mentions his name because she knows how just the sound of it sends you into a period of sleepless nights and locking yourself into your house after a horrific array of nightmares... it'd happened before, the worst time being when Tommy first arrived at Jackson.

You thought that you could do it, that you could ignore his existence just like you had Joel's.

Whenever you saw him turn a corner you'd run the other way.

Whenever you saw him on the street you'd turn back.

Whenever you saw him in the Tipsy Bison you'd trade week's worth of your rations for a bottle of red and go home.

It wasn't until his unexpected visit to the stable for his first patrol three and a half months ago that he finally saw you for the first time since leaving you, Joel, Tess and Charlie behind to join the Fireflies.

As you suspected, he was surprised to see you, perhaps because he'd thought that you would never make it in a world like this, because you were unwilling to kill innocent people, young and at a disadvantage being pregnant, or because he'd forgotten about you entirely. Either way, you didn't stick around long enough to find out, feigning a sudden sickness and begging Rick to let you go home before sprinting out of the stable like your life depended on it... that was what caused your worst episode.

Hearing his voice utter your name, he sounded so much like Joel and it terrified you.

It played on a loop inside your head like a scratched record and when you tried to settle into your bed it only got louder, so you grabbed your pillow, pressing it against the ear exposed to the cool air of your room as hard as you could while scrunching your eyes shut.

Eventually you fell asleep, but Tommy's voice followed you into your rest.

You saw Joel and you saw blood, it was all over him and he wielded a revolver in his hand. A droplet of sweat trailed along the end of an eyebrow, disappearing when it reached the crow's foot beside his eye. His eyes pierced into your soul, dark and concentrated, causing your chest to rise and fall rapidly and small whimpers to leave your lips in between heavy breaths.

There were dead bodies everywhere. The blood of his innocent victims puddled at your bare feet, staining your skin crimson red.

You screamed and ran, but Joel's voice continued to utter your name and the blood - the blood... it rose quickly, making it difficult for your legs to move as fast. Determined to get away, you waded through the thick liquid as it consumed your bottom half. Your hands were encased in blood too, the warmness of it on your skin grasped your attention and stopped you in your tracks... you couldn't move, you couldn't yell, you couldn't get away - you failed - again.

You silently cried into your hands, not caring about smearing the blood all over your face because you knew that there was no escaping it, that before too long your entire body would be swimming in it.

Elevating with the rapidity of quick sand, you remember the blood reaching your neck and throwing your arms outward, wailing and kicking your feet desperately... Joel's voice sounded angrier than it usually did, like he was disappointed in your fighting, in prolonging the inevitable.

There was a pull beneath you, sucking your feet downward, and just when you thought that you'd beaten the nightmare, something, you didn't know what it was as your eyes were scrunched shut, dragged you down with inhumane force.

You didn't get to take one last breath before the blood pooled over your face, you opened your eyes but all you could see was red. You could still hear his voice, but it was muffled, and as you got pulled further down it got more distant until it faded into nothingness - finally.

A sense of calmness spread throughout your entire body, all you could hear was the rush of liquid past your ears as you got pulled down.

It calmed you even though you were far from safe and unable to breathe... that was until an intense pressure started at your toes, then to your feet, your ankles, knees, thighs, hips, stomach, hands, arms, chest, shoulders, neck and head. The pressure became unbearable, your bones felt as though they could snap at any moment and your throat choked when it got so desperate to breathe that it let the blood into your system.

The next thing you knew, your eyes had flown open. You were back in bed, your entire body so clammy with sweat that it had dampened your sheets and duvet.

You refused to sleep for weeks on end. You'd think that after a couple days your body would succumb to sleep without your brain's permission due to being so exhausted, but you were just that terrified that it'd happen to you again... that you'd hear Joel's voice again. To stop any possibility of that happening you locked your front door from the inside, your logic being if you stayed put then there would be no chance of bumping into Tommy again... boy were you wrong.

So wrong.

Maria watches the way that your lips tremble, waiting for you to answer her. Her features are much softer now as she realises that she had been so close to stepping over another line just by alluding to Tommy's older brother.

She says your name under her breath again, but you cut her off, shaking your head, "It's okay," you whisper, your voice small, and you try your best to muster up a smile to reassure your closest friend in Jackson, "I - I know... Tommy isn't him, so I'll try, for you - and for the - baby," your voice lowers when you mention Maria's baby.

It is new news that only Maria, Tommy, Maggie and you know about.

"Thank you," she hums, her lips tilting upward at one side and a glimmer in her eyes.

A glimmer that you recognised all too well, a familiar yet distant memory of how you felt that brings back the worry that you expressed just a few minutes ago at the thought of Maria going beyond the safe barrier of Jackson while pregnant. It’s only natural for you to be concerned about her, even if it is Tommy's baby, you see the love that she already has for it which you came to understand during your own experience, only for it to be ripped away... you wouldn't wish what happened to you upon your worst enemy, let alone Maria.

"Eight O'clock!" As if on cue, Rick calls into the stable from outside, giving both you and Maria a charming smile, sounding way too chirpy for the morning before disappearing behind the stable's front doors.

Your eyes widen and your mouth forms an 'o' shape for a moment when you remember that you still hadn't dissuaded Maria from going on patrol.

"I'll be fine, I promise," she reassures you, sensing your worry. "It's only a few hours," she adds nonchalantly.

"A lot can happen in a few hours," you retort quickly, sternly, holding firm eye contact with her, which is unusual for you - Maria knows that, understanding the truth in your words because you knew yourself how quickly things could turn out there.

"I know." Maria looks over your shoulder and gestures behind you with a nod. You can hear footsteps and the trotting of hooves behind you of the patrollers that'd be joining Maria, leading the dressed horses to Rick, who would mark them off on the register by the schedule board. "I'm in good hands," she tells you as they come into view, walking past you with smiles on their faces directed at both you and Maria, though you couldn't help but notice how their smiles widened at the sight of your friend.

You aren't surprised - everyone loves Maria.

She has done so much for everybody here, while you, you kept to yourself, the horses and an occasional sing song at the Tipsy Bison - otherwise, you are unreachable, not that you preferred it to be any other way.

"Mornin', Maria," Arthur nods, holding Murphy's reigns while giving the stallion's white coat a pat and you a small smile.

Two less familiar faces walk past holding Old Boy, Silver Dollar, Guinevere and Callus, they must be Silas and Claire, two names you didn't recognise on the list of patrol shifts.

Nathan is a regular on patrol, one of the most experienced alongside Arthur, so it is no surprise that Rick had assigned the two newbies a spot with them and Maria.

Bandit follows Nathan, his head bopping forward playfully, a cheekiness that he seemed to adopt from the man leading him. "Ladies," Nathan tips his hat with a smirk, oozing arrogance.

Jean follows close behind Nathan holding Ajax at her side with a fond smile on her face. She loves that horse just as much as you love him. He's a big brute, Ajax, intimidating at first glance, but he's just a softie under the muscle.

Jean's blonde hair catches your eye, it sways as she walks as she's put it up in a ponytail. She grins widely at you, displaying her dimples and squeals your name, "where've you been?!"

"Uh - here?" You answer unsurely.

Jean laughs, stopping to stand in between you and Maria, nudging your shoulder with her own, "duh, I mean at the tipsy - everyone misses ya!"

"Be serious, Jean," you mutter, ignoring Maria's stare as if you hadn't just been speaking about your obvious avoidance of any invitation if there was any possibility that Tommy would be there... which was always high because he’d followed Maria around like a lost puppy from the very first day he arrived here.

"I am - even Seth misses you and he's the biggest party pooper in Jackson," she exclaims with another light-hearted laugh.

You shake your head in amused disbelief.

"It's true, so you've gotta come back and sing a couple songs for us, please?" She grabs your arm, making you flinch, but you already know it's Jean and she wouldn't hurt a fly... unless it was infected. "I'll rip my eyes out if I have to sit through another night of Dave's jokes about drugs, dildos and chameleons."

So that's what you've been missing out on all this time that you've been avoiding open mic nights at the Tipsy Bison.

A small laugh escapes your mouth, "I'll think about it."

"Really?!" Jean's hazel-brown eyes light up.

You nod.

Jean inhales excitedly, clearly already assuming that your vague answer is a confirmation that you would in fact be performing at the next open mic. "Your version of that Linda Rondstadt song - ugh, what’s it called again?" She asks, looking both between you and Maria.

"Err - Long Long Time?" You sound unsure, but it's the only Linda Ronstadt song that you've sung at the Tipsy Bison so it's the only possible answer... you blame your forgetfulness on the nerves of singing in front of other people, each time you did it felt like a blur and when it was over you didn't remember a goddamn thing.

Jean nods enthusiastically, practically bouncing on her feet at this point, "yes, that's it! It's to die for - you have to sing it again!"

You forgot the warmth that would spread throughout your chest when random people of Jackson would approach you after you sang, complimenting the one gift you still had from long before the apocalypse... you never remembered what they said, but the buzz it'd give you was enough for you to brave any fright you faced before the next open mic. It's a good feeling - another thing you had Maria to thank for because you would never have even thought of stepping in front of an audience to sing had she not nudged you to do it two years ago.

"Please!" Jean begs again.

Whether it's the warmness of your insides, or the pressure of having two sets of eyes on you, or how guilty you'll feel if you say no, you cave, "okay okay, I'll do it."

Jean celebrates by fisting the air with a toothy grin, "yes! Thank you - you've made my Christmas, seriously!"

You open your mouth to respond, about to say something like 'it's nothing really' while internally panicking, asking yourself what you'd gotten yourself into without even really processing it in your head.

"Eight O'clock!" Rick's voice calls out again, sounding more stern this time, "last call!"

His piercingly blue eyes linger on the three of you huddled together while the patrollers that had walked past you stood waiting to leave behind him.

They bore into you, Rick's baby blues, silently urging you to wrap up your conversation with Maria and Jean. If they hadn't looked so agitated with you you'd probably swoon... instead they give you the urge to flip him off, to question him on his timing because if he'd have just called Maria and Jean over to him ten seconds earlier then you would've evaded Jean's request for you to sing again.

You don't.

You never would.

For a man who didn't tolerate bullshit, he'd tolerated a lot from you and you'd never take that for granted.

On the plus side, Jean hadn't had time to ask why you stopped going to the open mics in the first place, how your best friend's husband was the reason, how whenever you saw Tommy in the Tipsy Bison you felt like you needed to vomit then and there, then leave...

You nod at Rick, taking a step away from Maria. Jean had already left the two of you alone, jumping upright at the sound of Rick's voice and obediently scurrying towards him with Ajax eagerly treading along behind her. "Well, don't let me hold you up any longer," you mutter loud enough for Maria to hear, nervously dragging your eyes away from Rick's.

Maria shakes her head, the lines between her eyebrows prominent, "you didn't." Maggie snorts over Maria's shoulder, immediately diverting her owner's attention to her, "Maggie doesn't seem to agree though, do you girl?" Maria asks in an amused, but loving tone of voice, bringing her hand up to pat Maggie's neck.

"Oh please, that horse kisses your ass even when you're wrong."

"I'm never wrong," Maria states, to which Maggie neighs in agreement.

"Exactly, she just proved my point," you gesture towards Maggie with an uncontrollable laugh.

Maria hums, watching you closely with an entranced smile on her face. "I missed this," she admits.

"Missed what?"

"Just laughing - talking with you without feeling like you're gonna run away any second."

A hint of a smile spreads across your lips, shy and nervous as always, but you had to admit that you'd missed this too, you'd missed your best friend... it'd been so awkward since Tommy started to linger behind her like a shadow, like you could never spend time with her because he was always with her. Now that they are married with a baby on the way - you just had to accept that Tommy and Maria came as a package, that where Maria would be, Tommy would probably be... you suppose you should be glad of that, that he wants to be there for her, be a good husband and father.

You never pegged Tommy to be the type to commit to anything or anyone. The man you knew before would run whenever things got hard, that was crystal clear to you. This Tommy, he was different, from what you'd heard from whispers about him, and you can tell how happy he makes Maria even though she doesn't talk about him to you that much on the rare occasion that you do catch her alone.

Maybe you could give him a chance, give him the benefit of the doubt.

To pick up where you left off with your friendship with Maria you tell yourself that you won't 'forget' another invitation again, that's a good place to start, you think.

For Maria.

For you too.

"Me too."

Maria chuckles while you fiddle with your fingers. "I'll see you later then?" She raises her brow at you.

"Later?" Your head tilts in confusion, not remembering another invitation being offered to you during this conversation.

"Mhm, at the Tipsy Bison—"

Your eyes widen so much that they could fall out of their sockets and suddenly your palms are dripping with sweat again, "please tell me there's not an open mic tonight I haven't practiced I haven't even sung in like four months I can't do it I can't I'm callin' off this whole thing why did I even agree to it in—" you ramble without taking a single breath.

"Relax, open mic isn't until next weekend," she informs you, trying not to sound entertained by your moment of panic.

You let out a long, drawn out breath of relief, "well thank fuck for that because I'm not ready."

"You realize you don't have to do it if you really don't want to right?"

"I know, but I couldn't do that to Jean. You saw her face, she'll be heartbroken if I don't," you try to play it cool, smiling as if you hadn't gotten yourself into a state over it a few seconds ago.

"No kidding."

"So if it's not an open mic, what is happening tonight - at the Tipsy? Just drinks? Dinner?" You ask, innocently curious... you'd gotten so used to the repetitive cycle of going to work and going straight home every day for so long that you had no idea what to expect from a night out with Maria at the Tispy Bison anymore.

"The Goodbye Girl," she answers plain and simple.

"What's that?"

She shrugs, "an old romantic comedy I think. I wanted to do something for the kids and it's the most family friendly movie we've got right now so... you'll be there?"

"Is—"

"Yes, Tommy's coming," she interrupts with the answer you're expecting, just as she expected you to ask because it was what you always asked whenever she invited you over or out... her answer being the decision-maker of whether you'd be there or not most of the time.

Maria watches you, so sure that you're going to cower and say 'no' immediately, but you don't, you think and she lets you, ignoring the stares of the other patrollers boring into her back.

Maybe there is nothing to be afraid of, if Joel were to show up then surely he would've got here by now?

Surely Tommy is too far away for Joel to track him down.

There can't be any leads linking Tommy to Jackson that Joel would ever find out about, right?

With what you went through to be here, how could you let a close to impossible possibility dictate the way you live at Jackson, make you hide away and ruin your closest friendship here.

Maria's lips fly open, ready to console you if you truly decide that tonight is too soon, "if—"

"I'll be there," you blurt before your brain talks you out of it.

"Oh - okay," Maria blurts back, so taken aback by your confidence that she actually takes a small step back, narrowly missing Maggie's hoof, "okay - good. Guess I'll see you there then," she says almost to herself, her relief as clear as day, as she turns on her heel.

"See you there," you nod, giving her one last reassuring look before Maggie catches your eye.

The mare stares at you with her beady brown eyes, silently telling you that you'd taken up enough of Maria's time and that it was now her turn.

She leads Maria away from you, taking her to the rest of the patrollers.

You're left feeling hopeful about tonight, that this'll be a good change for both you and Maria after months of avoiding every possible interaction with her husband... you don't want to let her down anymore, and for your own sake you don't want to turn into the resident hermit of Jackson... people here already think you're a little odd as it is.

You watch on as Rick takes a register of the patrollers and their horses. Each of them had already mounted their designated horses and Nathan and Arthur are holding the spare horses that'd be carrying any extra cargo they find out there.

The horses that remain watch on longingly as the horses picked for this patrol shift are ridden out of the stable.

Old Beardy lets out a low pitched snort, expressing his frustration which diverts your attention from the patrol group to him.

He is sticking his head out of his stall and as soon as he sees that he has grabbed your attention he bobs his neck, making you giggle.

Old Beardy is a shy boy, grumpy at times. At first he didn't like you, he refused to be petted by you and even turned his back on you whenever you visited his stall, side-eying you at any opportunity he could. You had been cautious of him at first, doing your upmost to avoid him because you were genuinely afraid that he might bite or kick you if you got too close.

He sensed your fear, you knew it, Rick knew it.

Rick assisted you in tending to Old Beardy for your first few weeks as a stable-hand. You'd groom the stallion's chocolate coat while Rick patted his dark mane, you'd fill his feeder with new hay and trough with fresh water while Rick distracted him, you'd clean his stall while Rick took him out on the exercise grounds at the other end of the stable.

In those moments you noticed a softness to Old Beardy's character that made you less frightened of him.

Rick's own words played in your head on repeat after another day's work, another day of Old Beardy entirely ignoring you: 'Old Beardy doesn't just trust words, he trusts actions more than anything. Keep showin' up and doin' what you're doin' for him and eventually he'll come around, I'm sure of it.'

'Was he the same with you?'

'You bet - he was worse with me.'

'Worse?'

'Yup, he nipped me right here - just above my nose - was lucky he didn't catch my damn eye.'

'I don't believe it.'

'Why'd you say that? Got the scar to prove it and everythin'.’

'It's just - you're so good with 'em - all of 'em.'

'That, darlin', is what you call experience. I've had my fair share of tendin' to tortured souls like Old Beardy, often all it took was showin' 'em that they need takin' care of. If they've been alone a long time they start thinkin' they don't need anybody cause 's been a while since they've been given any love, so you've gotta get 'em off their high horse a bit 'nd show em' they need you.'

You were determined to gain Old Beardy's trust after what Rick had said about him because it reminded you of yourself... so you continued to go about your chores for Old Beardy while he watched on with an unimpressed look on his face.

Slowly but surely there were changes as each week passed.

Rick no longer needed to aid you with Old Beardy's upkeep.

Old Beardy no longer turned his back on you when you stood at the gate of his stall.

He side-eyed you a little longer than he used to.

While you filled his trough with new water he'd stand beside you.

He would take singular straws of hay out of your hands in order to avoid touching you... then two, then three and soon he took handfuls of it, not minding his rubbery lips brushing your fingers.

You remember walking back home with a skip in your step the day that Old Beardy finally let you pet him. It was about a month into your personal quest to earn his trust and it took a little coaxing from Rick on both yours and the stallion's part to encourage the barrier of wariness between you to be broken down.

About ten seconds after you'd slowly reached your hand out towards Old Beardy's muzzle, he leant forward to rest his soft nose against your outstretched palm... His nostrils flared and he hesitated a few times but he did it, and suddenly what felt like a lost cause from the beginning was worth all the time he spent rejecting you now that you'd got him.

You'd received an intense dose of self-accomplishment which made you feel like you were really made for this job... you wondered why you ever even doubted yourself about taking it on in the first place, and you certainly couldn't give up on it after that... you always returned to it, even after all the nightmares and days stuck in your house, you had to after Old Beardy had put so much trust in you.

You'd shown him love and he needed you, and perhaps you needed him too.

You'd argue now that Old Beardy loves you more than he does Rick.

"There's my sweet boy," you greet him with a toothy smile, approaching his stall. He continues to bob his head even when you're stood directly in front of him so you bring your hand up to try and soothe him. A few gentle snorts later and he stops moving his head so that you have easy access to his nose to give him a good scratch under his chin - his favorite. You giggle at his obvious appreciation for your touch, your fingers tickle the small beard below his bottom lip, causing his eyes to shut and occasionally flutter his dark lashes, "don't you worry, somebody'll snatch you up one of these days - I mean look at you, how could they not hm?"

Old Beardy lets out an impatient sigh that blows air onto your forearm.

All of the patrollers without designated horses never picked Old Beardy for a shift, likely for the reasons that you had once been afraid of, so he spent all of his days with you and Rick, unable to form a connection with anybody else... it makes you sad sometimes, that no one ever goes near his stall or gives him the time of day, knowing the sweetheart that he is under the grumpy outer shell.

"How about I take 'im out on the grounds—" Rick's voice pipes up behind you, almost making you jump out of your skin. He stands next to you, reaching up to stroke Old Beardy's forehead, "while you go check on Pearl 'nd little Shimmer?"

Your face instantly lights up, a hitched breath leaving your lips as you nod at Rick, who is already looking at you with a proud smile on his face and a stray piece of his brushed back brown hair falling over one of his eyes.

"Alright then. We'll walk - together."

He's in a good mood today. You were convinced that he'd approached you to scold you for holding up the patrollers.

You give Old Beardy's chin one last scratch before retracting your hand, your arm brushing Rick's firm one in the process, "sorry, Rick - I mean - about holding Maria and Jean up."

"'S okay," he chuckles, watching you as you turn your back on him, starting to walk towards the fenced exercise grounds for the horses, "just don't do it again!"

You huff a laugh, a faint blush spreading across your cheeks at hearing the amusement in his voice.

Rick jogs behind after expertly attaching Old Beardy's harness and lead, the horse trots alongside him eagerly and he makes sure that he doesn't get too close to you in order to not scare you... knowing how you didn't like being approached from behind, he'd learnt that the hard way with the amount of times your survival instincts took over, throwing punches at him.

Like you said, he'd put up with a lot of bullshit from you since Maria dumped you into his hands.

The sound of snow crunching under your snow boots can be heard as you and Rick step outside... you can't deny that it's one of your favorite sounds so you're in no haste to interrupt the silence between you and the man walking next to you.

You take quick, subtle glances at Rick, noticing the way that his light stubble catches at the beige collar of his brown jacket, his hips swaying coolly with each step he takes, his curls at the back of his neck bouncing at the same time.

You aren't blind to Rick's looks. You'd be an idiot not to notice them... you'd also be an idiot not to notice the way that people spoke about him, about the two of you.

Rick is considered to be the most eligible bachelor in Jackson, he's a hard worker, a leader with rugged charm, affectionate with animals, a good communicator, good with people and he's single... he's also just a few years older than you... thirty-eight, you think, so it's no wonder why people spoke about the possibility of something happening between you.

All the people you once loved had either died or didn't love you back, the pain being so intense that you'd not even considered it to possibly happen again, with Rick, not until now... but you're sure that he doesn't see you as anything other than his stable-hand anyway.

You take another glance at Rick, but are unable to admire anything else about him because he catches you red-handed, already staring at you with eyes the colour of ice under the sunlight.

His thin pink lips tug upward at one side, "so - er - you're goin' to the Tipsy tonight then?"

"Hm?" His question makes you look up at him again after quickly turning your attention to the snow when he saw you looking at him.

Rick's little side smirk doesn't falter, "I overheard - you and Maria I mean."

"Oh - yeah," you murmur, bringing your hand up to your neck and scratching, fighting the urge to hiss as your cold fingertips touch your skin. You blink, watching him as his sloped nose and chiselled cheekbones flush, you assume that it's because of the cold, but part of you wonders if it's because he feels embarrassed at his admission, "will you - be there - for the movie?"

"Yeah—" he shoves the reddening fingers of his spare hand into his jean's front pocket and looks ahead at the sheep's pasture which is snowed over, his ranch workers clearing it so that the sheep could continue grazing, "not so much for the movie though."

"Oh." Scratching your neck is not enough to soothe your nervous, instead you clasp your hands together, fiddling with your fingers... it doesn't quite do the trick but there's not much you can do about it when you feel so exposed to the cold air and his piercing gaze. "You meetin' Arthur and Nathan then?"

"No - actually I was er - wonderin' if you wanted to go with me?" He states as if it's not a question or out of the blue.

Like a date?

Sure, people talked, but you were convinced that he hadn't noticed.

Is that why he's asking? You wonder.

He can't be asking for any other reason, right?

Is it out of pity?

Had he forgotten all the times you punched him? Given him a black eye? Kicked him? Lashed out because you could've sworn you heard Joel's voice? Hid away in your house for weeks without telling him and come back to the stable as if nothing happened?

It's gotta be pity.

"As in—"

"As in we'll walk to the Tipsy Bison after work, find Maria and Tommy 'n sit down with 'em - then I'll get you a drink and we'll watch whatever fuckin' movie it is playin'," he states, looking you directly in the eye even when he's waiting on your response.

Maybe he's asking because of Tommy.

He knew how you avoided him like he was infectious, he'd seen it with his own eyes whenever Tommy entered the stable to take Justified on patrol with him, you'd hide in Old Beardy's stall, leaving him to deal with the youngest Miller brother... it's why Rick doesn't like Tommy very much, he thinks he must've done something very bad for you to react the way you do around him.

Although Rick had consoled you a countless amount of times as you sobbed over your past, he still only knows parts about it because he joined Maria's group after you did, but before Jackson was found... he knew about your baby, that was it, and assumed by the surname 'Miller' on his little gravestone that Tommy was the father.

Why else would you hate him so much?

Since starting work at his ranch he'd been protective over you as his worker, wanting you to be as good a stable-hand you could possibly be and that meant no assholes like Tommy Miller interfering with your duties to the horses.

Maybe he's asking as your boss?

Or he just wants to spend the night glaring at Tommy over a table.

Maybe he's just wanting to look out for you.

Even if it is just pity or for a reason like pissing Tommy off, there isn't a reason that outweighs your reason to say yes... you just don't want to see Joel's face in the back of your mind like a constant nagging thought anymore because goddamn you for having such a brilliant photographic memory... maybe if you spent a little more time with Rick, the face of the man you'd been hung up on for decades would be replaced, maybe the nightmares would stop and maybe you could look at Tommy without associating him with his brother.

Your heart thuds against your ribcage, "believe it or not I um - I was actually plannin' on not smelling like horse shit tonight—" you send an apologetic look Old Beardy's way, who is not at all paying any attention to yours and Rick's conversation and is more entranced by the repetitive 'baaa' noises coming from the odd-looking fluffy creatures in the next pasture, "so I might have to pass on walkin' straight there with you."

Rick looks down at his own outfit, parts of it ripped and most of it worn or stained with odd pieces of hay protruding out of the seams of his clothes, just like yours... not that it bothers either of you, you're used to it by now. "Right - yeah, you make a good point," he responds between chuckles.

You take the opportunity to rake your eyes over his lean and muscular frame less subtly than you had before, just because he was distracted by the filthiness of his own clothes. When he looks at you expectantly again you hesitantly drag your eyes away and hum in agreement, almost choking on your own saliva - pull it together, you tell yourself as if you have any idea of what it's like to be asked out on a proper, adult date that you want to go on. "Sooo—" you start to say, entirely expecting him to interrupt you, which he does, quicker than you thought he would.

"Sooo we'll meet there instead, find Maria and Tommy, sit with 'em - I'll get you a drink and we'll—"

"Watch whatever fuckin' movie it is playin' - I got it," you mimic his words in a failed attempt at his smooth southern accent... like he knew so little about you, you didn't know much about him other than that he likes horses and he was born and bred in Cynthiana, Kentucky.

He playfully rolls his eyes before quizzically raising his eyebrows at you, that half-smirk making an appearance again, "you got it as in you're in?"

You thought it was obvious with how you teased him, but perhaps he'd also noticed the way that you used humor to deflect from your real feelings, so you spell it out to him verbally, ignoring the fact that you've lost all feeling in your tongue... luckily you don't need it to deliver your next two words: "I'm in."

Rick's side smirk transitions into a fully fledged grin that shows off his dimples, which are usually difficult to spot under his dark facial hair, "great."

You nod absentmindedly, suddenly feeling the need to get away before you cancel on him seconds after accepting. "I should - um - go see the girls."

"And I should probably get back to work too before Old Beardy here gives me a good kicking," he gives the distracted stallion a few pats that draw his attention back onto the two humans beside him.

"Not before I punch you first." A shameful attempt at last second flirting, you know, but it seems to do the trick and end the conversation with grins on both your faces.

A circling flutter had invaded your stomach after seeing that killer smile of his and it continued even as you walked away from him... you're just not sure whether the butterflies are because of him or because you're now aware that someone could possibly fathom the idea of wanting you, or both - it's probably both.

You'd not felt like this since him, since... Joel… you sigh and look down, bringing your hand to your stomach and gently caressing it to try and calm the butterflies doing loops around your insides.

Don't get too distracted now.

Pearl and Shimmer need you.

You set your eyes on the maternity barn beside the main stable and you don't look back, not even to ogle at the way Rick's arms flex as he effortlessly climbs into Old Beardy's saddle... you shake your head to clear that thought and speed-walk for the barn, for your girls.

Shimmer.

Pearl.

You couldn't possibly pick favorites, but you knew that when a patrol group had gone out and found the stray, pregnant perlino Tennessee Walker a year ago, she was your girl.

She loved you instantly but she hated Rick - not him specifically, only because he had a dick between his legs and you could understand that. She didn't trust men one bit, that much was obvious when the patrol group told you and Rick that she refused to be led by anyone other than Jean on the way back from their shift, and you could understand that too.

So Pearl was, and still is, your responsibility and yours alone... which terrified you at first because she had life growing inside her and you didn't trust yourself not to mess up somewhere, somehow. Doing what you had already been doing for the other horses was one thing, but having the mare depend on you for assisting with the birth of her filly was another thing entirely...

It was another reason not to sleep at night.

You wondered how you could do it if you'd failed to do it yourself once already.

Rick did everything that he could for you from afar, explaining the ins and outs of looking after a pregnant horse and equine delivery... even going to the extent of writing you a manual for it with diagrams and drawings that he'd rustled up one evening after having to listen to you panic over the entire situation for the hundredth time.

To your relief, Pearl was not that far along in her pregnancy when the patrol found her, only four months - Rick could tell by the way her stomach swelled only just, but not enough for her to be any further along than that.

You spent every minute of the day with the mare, staying even after your work hours had finished just to make sure that you were giving her the nurturing that she needed in order for her filly to grow healthy in her womb.

With each month that passed no complications came her way as you worked to the bone to provide her with everything she needed that you didn't have - a comfy bed, stability, double portions of fresh food, lots of water, warmth and a space where she felt safe, where even the thought of someone or something attacking her was not a possibility.

So when Pearl's water's broke naturally on an orangey-skied evening four months ago a moment of sheer panic had flushed through your body before you sucked in a bucket load of tears and dashed to her side, remembering everything that Rick had taught you because at ridiculous hours every night you reread that darn manual... the man watched over the maternity barn's half-door without Pearl kicking up a fuss, she was in too much pain to notice him, in case you needed any emergency assistance - you didn't.

You did it all yourself.

You'd delivered Shimmer all on your own.

Just you and Pearl.

You'd given her everything that you had in you, shown her and her little one the unconditional love that you'd buried deep within you for the baby you mourned for. In return she'd given you some healing, shown you that you could do it again, but without the despair that came after.

It's no wonder why you've formed such an emotional attachment to each other in so little time.

You sniffle softly, blaming the cold weather for it, but a tear falls from your eye, slowly trailing over your cheekbone and catching the line beside your mouth. You don't bother to wipe it away because you just know that Pearl will understand.

The half-door of the barn is open already, Rick must've very cautiously done that first thing in the morning without Pearl noticing... she had been sleeping a lot during her recovery from giving birth.

As you near the door a smile starts to form on your lips as you prepare for Shimmer's adorable 'good morning' that she greets you with every day without fail.

Her brown muzzle appears, resting on the grey wood as soon as she hears you coming.

"Is that you, Shimmer?!" You gasp, now standing directly on the other side of the wooden door.

You hear excitable shuffling at the sound of your voice before Shimmer's entire head comes into view, still preciously resting the weight of it on the door.

"Well good morning to you too!" You run your fingers along the white line that trails from her forehead all the way down to her small nostrils, the only aspect of her appearance that she'd gotten from her mom... she must really take after her dad looks-wise, wherever he is.

Shimmer's mane and tail are black, her eyes dark and her coat brown, and just like her name, it shimmers under the morning sun.

Shimmer neighs and snorts, enthusiastic as usual, lifting her head from the door and jumping onto her two hind legs as you continue to fuss over her, but you hear further inside the barn a neigh from Pearl, telling her baby girl to 'calm down'.

At the sound of Pearl's voice you hold onto the edge of the half door and lean your upper half over it to peek into the barn. Pearl is laying down on her stomach with her head perched up so that she can watch Shimmer closely, her blue eyes move to you when you come into her line of vision, she neighs again, welcoming you into her and her young's space.

You gesture for Shimmer to back up, to which she does, running around in circles, distracted while you open the half-door and slip into the barn, "look at you go little girl!" You exclaim as you lower yourself onto your knees so that your face is just about in line with Shimmer's, she trots towards you, her face warps slightly as she gets closer and closer, making you giggle. You gently wrap your arms around her neck, your fingers digging into her silky hair while she tucks her head over your shoulder and her neck is pressed to the side of your face.

Pearl watches on fondly from the edge of the barn's interior. The bond that she has let you develop with Shimmer is something that you are so grateful for, after all, you had helped her through her pregnancy and she knows that, so she trusts you with her entire being and is content with you being Shimmer's human mother figure.

Shimmer doesn't stay still for long, removing her head from your shoulders and going back to playing with her hay ball.

"There's my not so little girl," you greet Pearl with a toothy smile, slowly lifting yourself back up onto your feet and treading lightly towards the mare.

You sit yourself beside Pearl absentmindedly twirling her blonde mane around your fingers, and admire the way her beige coat glows where sunlight sneaks through the cracks between each wood panel... that's where Shimmer gets her glow from... You both sit and watch like two proud mothers as Shimmer knocks the ball around the barn with her hooves, occasionally taking some hay from the middle of it.

For what feels like ten minutes is actually hours, the time that you spend in the barn with Pearl and Shimmer.

Playing with Shimmer, sitting with Pearl in the hay, dressing them both in their bridles, taking them both out one after the other for exercise on the grounds, giving them both treats and new water.

It's just after midday when you decide that it's about time for Pearl and Shimmer to have lunch.

The hay bales are located under shelter beside the maternity barn, so you figure that it'll take you just a few minutes to deliver some fresh hay to the hungry-looking faces watching you leave the barn.

The wooden shelter is to your right and you can already see the stacked hay bales inside of it through the wide door frame on the far left side of the rectangular structure.

Rick is nowhere to be seen now, but distant voices, hammering and water trickling from hoses at the greenhouses and sheep enclosure can be heard. When you enter the shelter every sound fades into nothing and the sweet, earthly smell of hay fills your nostrils.

You wrap your fingers around the string of the closest hay bale to the entrance, but as soon as you attempt to lift it you notice the way that your breathing has started to speed up until you're panting heavily, sweating and whimpering - no - you shake your head quickly and try to focus on lifting the hay bale to your chest but your legs quiver, almost making you drop it.

It's his voice again, creeping its way into your head like an agonizing migraine, one that presses down harder on your brain with each word spoken until it's completely squished at the hands of Joel.

'No, don't you fuckin' look at her.'

'Look at me.'

'Don't you look nowhere else.'

'I will break every bone in your body.'

'Give us what you got easy, medicine, supplies, anythin' like that and I'll make killin' you a whole lot quicker.'

Your lips tremble and your hands shake as a second, third and fourth tear fall from your eyes, making your vision blurry and you're unable to clear the liquid away. Even after the hay bale falls out of your arms, they're frozen and held out in front of you as if you were still holding it... you can't move.

Not again, not here.

You'd not had an episode like this at work before.

Why is this happening?

He says your name just like he did in your nightmares: low, raspy and angry at you for running away from him all those years ago.

Unlike your nightmares, you notice how the anger in his voice fades instead of getting louder and angrier, and it allows for you to gain control, steady your breaths, blink away your tears and rub your eyes with the front of your hands... bringing you back to the real world and all you can hear are Jackson's day to day noises, kids screaming as they play outside in the snow, animal calls and people just living.

He says your name again and you stop breathing altogether because it is not in your head this time, it's coming from behind you.

Joel Miller's voice is as clear as day.

Like the characters in all those horror movies you used to watch in your bedroom that know they're about to be killed because the monster is behind them and they're unarmed, you turn to face him slowly, trying with every fibre of your being to not break down, fall at your knees and beg him to just put you out of your misery.

Your mouth falls open slightly at the sight of him in the real world, looking so... normal, dressed in thick layers for the winter weather that hug his softer-looking frame, and he’s not at all covered in blood. He looks so out of place to you after seeing him so often in your mind that you can't bring yourself to believe that he is really here, or scream for him to ‘leave you alone’... and you still cannot bring yourself to breathe, which is making your vision cloudy.

"It's you - 's really you," you hear, it's him… his voice in the flesh.

Joel Miller is here, in Jackson.

You blackout.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐰𝐨 ⇝

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬 (𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞) 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆!!!!! 𝐈𝐭'𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲 <𝟑

𝐈 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐡𝐞𝐡𝐞𝐡𝐞𝐡𝐞

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ‘𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞’ 𝐨𝐫 ‘𝐉𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫’ 𝐭𝐚𝐠-𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰!

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ↯

𝐿𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝐿𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑇𝑖𝑚𝑒

@eaterof-concrete @pedrosgrogu @whirlwindrider29 @ccmoonshine @wheatmaze @hayleynott @peelieblue @senoratess @sunnypeachdream @puddles221b @kirsteng42 @piercethevic03 @bardot49 @maybe-a-bi-witch @exzidss

𝐽𝑜𝑒𝑙 𝑀𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑟

𓃗

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black-widow134 · 10 months ago

Text

Got back into reading fanfiction again, here are some (more) of my favourite dadneto/magneto family fanfics;

(will be adding to the list)

Every cloud has a silver lining (and a scarlet one) // 53851 words // 10 chapters - https://archiveofourown.org/works/37596463/chapters/93843133

To the stars who listen… // 91686 words // 20 chapters // Magneto (xmen apocalypse) fic - https://archiveofourown.org/works/31485110/chapters/77883419

The Night Shift // 30113 words // 7 chapters // dadneto — https://archiveofourown.org/works/33331009/chapters/82772923

Edge of Nineteen // 4900+ words // 4 chapters - https://archiveofourown.org/works/29933331/chapters/73678035

The Witch's Vindication // 41433 words // 17 chapters // xmen evolution fanfic — https://archiveofourown.org/works/23212645/chapters/55570771

The Adventures Of Young Peter Maximoff // 35071 words // 13 chapters — https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684482/chapters/56861197

Twin Troubles // 26k+ words // 9 chapters — https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12423578/1/Twin-Troubles

The beginning of something familiar // 10k+ words // 5 chapters — https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11955883/1/The-Begining-of-Something-Familiar

Late Again // 132498 words // 19 chapters — https://archiveofourown.org/works/7082626/chapters/16097917

Five Times Quicksilver Doesn’t Tell Magneto He’s His Son and the One Time He Does // 11855 + words // 6 chapters — https://archiveofourown.org/works/19247407/chapters/45770434

Tiny Terrors // 26144 words // 9 chapters - https://archiveofourown.org/works/32943280/chapters/81760546

Peter Maximoff v Life, Terrorists, & Awkward Family Conversations // 13764 words // 1 chapter — https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890533?view_adult=true

Reverse Star Wars // 8k+ words // 7 chapters - https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11956321/1/

Infinite Variations of a Summer Day // 76,953 words // 12 chapters - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30764972/chapters/75935630?view_adult=true

No Escape from Reality // 73,360 words // 15 chapters, unfinished - https://archiveofourown.org/works/35173735/chapters/87638068

One Right Choice // 17,299 words // 1 chapter // Erik and baby peter xmen first class au - https://archiveofourown.org/works/59433112

Running After You // 56,300 words // 7 chapters // after xmen apocalypse - https://archiveofourown.org/works/34489732/chapters/85839349

Disintegration // 26,196 words // 12 chapters - https://archiveofourown.org/works/58069000/chapters/147837067

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phyrestartr · 8 months ago

Text

Their Burning Bodies Keep Us Warm (2/2) | Sukuna x M!Reader

W/C: 3.4k #NSFW, p0rn with plot, top!Sukuna, bottom!Reader, ABO dynamics, cannibalism, mentions of sex trafficking, mentions of cults, questionable relationship, suggested Stockholm syndrome, post-apocalypse, enemies to friends to lovers, angst, drama, gore, typical zombie shite, not rlly edited kekw SORRY tags: @better-imagination-9 @flowersatwork @tr4nniez @kamote-kuneho @prettorett @kindadolly @inflatabledinosaurs19 @memedealer-exe

“How's it look?” Sukuna groaned after you peeled back the bandages and gauze.

You stayed quiet while you thought, but ultimately had to ask, “How's it feel?”

Sukuna scoffed. “Aches like fuck.”

“You should take Tylenol or something.”

“Hah. Like I'd give up drinking.”

You sighed and washed his back with the usual tincture of salt and water, earning yourself a sharp, whiny snarl. Carefully, as though to apologize, you dabbed away scabbed blood and whatever else clung to the DIY sutures.

“Then it'll keep hurting.” The dark, black bruises around the wound promised it. “But…it doesn't look infected.” You pressed against the reddened, irritated skin with a light touch, and breathed a sigh of relief; there didn't seem to be any suspicious discharge or signs of serious infection. Hopefully it'd stay that way.

“Silver fucking lining, I guess.” The alpha hung his head and let you go about cleaning it thoroughly to prep for re-wrapping it. “You're not too squeamish around this shit, hey?”

“I guess,” you said lamely. You glanced at the back of his head in thought before focusing on your task again. “The whole world is shitty. So. Guess I got used to it.”

“You sure you don't have a history?” He asked, glancing back at you.

You shrugged. “I was a crook, but I only stole. Never really fought, never murdered either. But I saw shit, sure. Patched some people up before, too. Nothing like this, though.”

Sukuna nodded and looked ahead again, resting his chin on the back of the chair. “That explains it.”

“Explains what?” You wondered.

"Explains why you're not boring me," he said, nonchalant.

You paused to cast the back of his head another wary, confused glance. It was a strange comment. You weren't sure what the implications meant for those who came before you.

"What would happen if I bored you?" You asked.

"I'd get rid of you," he answered, too truthful. "Kill you. Eat you. Kick you out. Somethin' like that."

Sukuna looked at you again, an amused glimmer of insanity igniting in his eyes. You did your best to look away, to not engage with the hellspawn repossessing his near-tolerable person.

"Oi, oi, quit looking so pathetic," he taunted, voice singing with playful sadism. "There's no room for that if you wanna survive out here, brat. Besides, our deal is pretty good, isn't it?"

You pursed your lips, trying to ignore the fact that he just declared that he'd eat you if he got bored of you. How were you supposed to relax?

Yet you tried anyway. "Yeah. Right."

"Don't believe me?" He questioned.

"I do. Just--you just told me you woulda ate me if I was boring." You tried not to sound too flabbergasted and awestruck, but the warbly disbelief came through anyway.

And Sukuna laughed. Not in that heinous, chilling way, but low and warm. It almost made you think he could be somewhat fond of you.

"Well, you're still breathing, aren't ya?" He asked.

You shrugged before starting to re-bandage his back. "Well. Yeah. I guess."

"You sound anymore fuckin' unsure and I'll take your damn head off, omega." Sukuna sighed, still sounding content. "Dunno what shit you've been through, but you survived it. You're strong. Remember that."

For the first time in your life, you felt butterflies in your stomach.

You're strong. Remember that.

Those words festered in your mind, bringing a much-needed sense of calm to your exhausted body and soul. You didn't realize how little you recognized your own strength, your own vicious mettle that kept you going through the haze of pain and discontent embedded in your life. You almost pitied yourself for your weak mind; when had you fallen so low? Why didn't you realize you were trapped in Tartarus? Did the nightmares and bitter flavours numb it all out?

You rubbed your face. "Think about the now," you mumbled as you poked at the fire with an especially long stick you'd taken a liking to. "No point thinking about the past."

"Better not be mumblin' seance-y, satanic cult shit into the fire," Sukuna called from the kitchen. "I'll be pissed."

Your face flushed with more than the fire's heat. "No! I'm just--I'm talking to myself."

"In a creepy way?"

"No!"

"Coulda fooled me."

You turned to the kitchen with a sour look, but quickly averted your gaze again; normally, you'd help him prepare and ration food, but when he took to chopping up chunks of person, you couldn't stomach it.

Sukuna must've seen you look away, judging by his sudden, cheeky cackling. "What, still squeamish, omega? You don't got a problem when you're eatin' 'em."

You grimaced. "Yeah, I don't like thinking about it. Feels...wrong."

"Pussy."

"Hey."

"It's easy meat," Sukuna continued. "Better than eating grass 'n leaves 'n shit. Besides, makes you tougher."

You huffed. "Tougher. Right."

Your partner in crime snorted. "You know how vaccines work, omega?"

"Duh." You stabbed at the fire a few more times, stopping only when Calcifer spit a mouthful of sparks at you. "Introduce a weak strain of a virus into the body so it can make antibodies and fight against it."

Sukuna hummed in agreement. "So what do you think happens when we eat our doomsday virus, huh?"

You blinked owlishly at the flames. "Is...that can't be true," you asked, itching at your arm. "No way we’re becoming--"

"Immune."

Sukuna walked to your side and knelt beside you, showing off the small collection of scarred bitemarks dotting his arm.

Your touch ghosted against the marks in wonder. Maybe he was lying. Maybe these bites came from something else. Something more demented than even the undead.

"But how could the virus survive? When it's, uh, cooked, I mean," you asked as you held his forearm with both hands and examined further.

"Guess medium-rare doesn't take care of everything." He shrugged and watched you press against the raised skin incessantly. "But hey, maybe I'm just a freak of nature. Better than normal fucks. Godly."

You looked at him with yet another grimace, and he grinned.

"You've been eating people for too long," you decided. “It's made you delusional.”

"Probably." He moved to get up when you let go of him, but paused with a second thought.

Sukuna reached for you, brushing some of your hair from your neck. Your heart did more stupid backflips feeling that quiet touch drag along the sloping curve of your neck, down to the source of your alluring redolence.

His thumb rubbed slow circles against your skin, waking forgotten sparks of bergamot and birch, melding them with his musk of leather and pine. You thought they fit together nicely, in an odd way. Or maybe you were caught up in hopeful delusions his marking always brought you.

He stood, then, content with his work. "Was in prison when shit hit the fan. Had to get creative."

You rubbed your neck when he walked away. "I can imagine. Must've gotten pretty overrun."

"The cells were pretty safe. Most of the prisoners died starving after the outbreak," he said. "Sorry sons of bitches. Couldn't even lob a dead cellmate's head off to save themselves when those idiots turned."

"That what you did?" You scooted up onto the couch and watched Sukuna putter around the kitchen. You pretended he was cutting up some wild animal instead of human.

"I killed my cellmate before that," Sukuna said. "Got sent to solitary for it."

You pursed your lips. "What'd he do?"

“He bored me.”

–

Being in his arms felt safe. You rested easy, no longer fearing his appetite nor his wrath in the brief moments of consciousness before darkness overtook you. He held you before, too, pulled you to his chest to stay warm whenever the night grew too cold and the fire dwindled; now, however, it was different.

Now, you woke up facing him. You woke with newfound adoration for the gnarled bump fucking up the bridge of his nose (something that told of far too many fights) and you realized you quite liked the sound of his soft, rumbling snores. Even the way his body burned too hot eased your nerves when it once suffocated you with sweltering anguish.

You were careful not to say you felt anything for him, however; he was the beast who'd stolen you away from your short-lived freedom, and kept you here for his own selfish pleasure. A warning danced in the forefront of your mind, shaking its head every time you looked your captor's way. You knew better. You knew better.

But he wasn't so bad. Though that was what Belle said about her Beast, wasn't it? Before they fell in love. Before their happily ever after.

You shifted just the slightest bit closer to him, letting your nose barely nudge against his before freezing, waiting to see if he'd stir and wake from the mild disturbance. He'd slept through worse, you imagined. Most were light sleepers throughout the apocalypse, but he–

His eyes opened. The pounding of your heart must have been the cause.

Sukuna didn't have words, and neither did you; being here, being so close to him, face to face and finally taking in what he looked like, about to find out what he tasted like, said everything in a language he understood.

Because he closed the gap first. After a sharp glance down to your lips then back to your eyes, he nudged your nose aside and pressed his lips against yours. And you pushed into him, tugged yourself closer with your hands in his shirt and then in his hair while his own smoothed over your side to grab and grope at your ass and whatever softness from the old world still clung to your figure.

Your hands pulled at his shirt, and he got the message. He rolled on top of you and sat up on his knees, straddling your waist as he pulled off his shirt to let you see glimmers of scars arching against defined slopes of muscle, disappearing beneath cloth bandages. Your breath hitched; he was gorgeous in ways you couldn't describe.

He adjusted, settling between your legs before leaning down and kissing you again while those curious hands of yours felt for the secrets etched into his skin like hieroglyphics left only for the blind. Those marks told stories from start to finish. They hinted at his life up until this point. You wondered if any of them reminisced of smiles and laughter.

Sukuna's hands coasted up your shirt to explore you, too. His thumbs pressed between every rib, followed the arch of the cage protecting your heart, before he pinched and teased at the sensitive buds of your chest. You didn't think you'd like it, but the way he tortured you with talented fingers was too good–good enough to drag out the first of many quiet, breathy sounds from you.

Sukuna pulled your shirt off and tossed it aside. His broad palms smoothed across your skin before he dipped down, and tasted you, running the flat of his tongue against your neck, then back down to the bullied bundle of nerves he'd worked into a frenzy. He bit and nipped, swirled his tongue around the pert nub, and sucked hard enough to bruise and split your delicate skin.

You bit down on the inside of your cheek, stifling the rattling hum reverberating in your chest; you'd never felt so good before. You'd never had someone focus on you like this before. Maybe it was a selfish thing on the alpha's part, or maybe he wanted you to indulge in primal pleasures, too. That errant hand of his groping at your hardened cock suggested as much.

Your fingers carded through his hair as he left brutal hickeys on your chest and bit at your nipples like he was threatening to take them clean off (thankfully, he seemed to quite like them and left them intact for future use), and then he traveled south, yanking your shorts off and spreading you wide before him.

Your heart throbbed in your head. It pounded harder still as he stroked you firmly and fully, squeezing at all the right spots while his other hand felt up the softness of your thighs, the slick pooling between your cheeks, the tightening of your sacks. He was so like a cartographer, trying to chart every inch of your body, trying to remember which spots made you jolt and jump.

And you couldn't help but squawk as he lifted your hips, hauling your legs over his shoulders with little effort, before spreading you wide and licking against your leaking hole.

Your hands clutched at the sheets desperately. The pants stuttering out of you upscaled when his tongue, the devilish thing, circled around your tight entrance a handful of times before sinking in with the help of his thumbs pulling you open.

This time, it was Sukuna who moaned, low and dripping with bliss. You couldn't know how it was for him. You didn't know how tasting your slick, drowning in your bergamont-pine perfume in its purest form drove him mad with hunger and want–with need, maybe. Your scent was divine. Your taste was even better.

So, he took his time. He indulged in lapping at you, coaxing more and more slick to pool from your insides and drip down his chin in sticky, syrupy dollops while you writhed and bucked against his grasp, seeking more but getting too much. Sukuna almost felt for you. Almost. If you didn't want him to eat you alive, you shouldn't have tasted so sweet.

Eventually, his cock demanded attention, too, and he finally let your hips down to look over your fucked-out expression and heaving chest. And when you stared back at him, eyes heavy and needy, you caught the alien glow of crimson burning in the swathe of shadows dodging the moonlight. It sent an electric thrill dancing up your spine; the monster you once feared was back, and now bewitched by your body's spell.

Sukuna's pants came off in a slow rush. He tossed them aside and half-heartedly wiped his mouth before looming over you once again, and catching your lips with his. His tongue pushed into your mouth, ripping the tiniest of ah-s from you, and he forced you to taste what was left of your essence against his tongue. Then, like the kiss was just a mere distraction, his head popped into your empty, lonely body, and stretched you with a singe of pain.

Your fingers dug into his scalp and his back as he forced himself into you inch by inch, pulling out just to push back inside deeper with the aid of your body's viscous desire to find a euphoria of his design. The hasty beginnings of a knot at his base stretched you wider, filled you fuller as he snapped in once more and bottomed out with a growling moan vibrating against your chest.

And, god, it felt good. You were stuffed beyond your limits, struggling to adapt and welcome him inside despite hugging and squeezing him with praise and devotion. It seemed he'd never bothered jamming his entirety into you. He'd been giving you that one, little mercy your entire tenure.

But now, you were willing to take it, and he was going to give it to you, like it or not.

His face buried into your neck when he moved. His hips pulled back just a bit before he sunk back inside of you, like he was trying to see just how far he could reach into your struggling, smaller body–and then, he was done testing your shared limits, and he devoured you.

You clung to his shoulders, clawed at his back, pulled at his hair while he fucked into you. The bed creaked and dragged against the floor with every near-hostile ram into your heat, but you could hardly hear it over the feral, primal noises slipping through his clenched teeth. Your omega fell mute with pleasure and relief, apparently finding peace at being railed into like you were in heat and your mate was in rut. You weren't. He wasn't. You could only imagine what that would be like.

Profanities hissed from him, as did demented, mumbled praise that you'd keep close to your heart come morning. His knot inflated bigger and bigger, bullying your ass open wider with each violent slam into your core. Normal alphas wouldn't have forced it into you mid-fuck, but he wasn't normal. He wanted to feel your tightness bite down around that sensitive, swollen plug. He needed to hear your sharp mewls and grunts the pain and pleasure forced out of you with every disgusting, wet pop of his cock ripping out of you. He had to keep pushing his limit, pushing your limit, until you got too fucking tight and too fucking hot that you'd force him to stay put and pump his cum into you by the gallon.

He had to.

So, when your breath fanned against his hear, when you whispered the most pathetic, “Cum in me,” he went mad.

He leaned back and folded you in half, ignoring your uncomfortable grimaces before he held you in that mating press and let loose, eyes screwed shut and brow furrowed in concentration while his fangs dug into his lip as he snarled and grunted.

Blood rushed to his cock with an electric current, pushing his hips to snap against yours harder and faster as his knot inflated fully and struggled to leave the warmth of your tight, clingy hole. But it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough–

Until he looked down at you, and bore witness to your muscles fluttering, your back arching, your mouth hung open with a soundless cry as you came undone, soaked with sweat and slick.

Sukuna’s hips jolted and stuttered, and he fought to force that thickness into you for the last time before he spilled inside, adding his own kindling to the fire eating you alive.

You gasped again, hand fisting tighter around your cock as you worked yourself through the unbearable ecstasy crashing down on you in torrential waves. You were a boat in the middle of an ocean, somehow staying afloat despite being in the middle of a world-ending storm–perhaps by the mercy of a beast lingering in the depths.

The aftershocks took too long to die down; Sukuna's shallow thrusts into you didn't help, nor did your own languid stroking, but you didn't want it to help. You wanted to see how much more cum you could force out of the man every time you clenched around him. You wanted to see how much longer the perverse pleasure would plague you if you tortured him just a little more. By the continuous emptying of the man's balls into your inflating core, you'd say you were doing a pretty good job.

You silently both doubted that stupid knot of his would go down with how worked up he got–normally, it'd take about 5 minutes, but there'd been data recorded suggesting it could take up to an hour if the alpha was determined to have his omega as his permanently. And judging by your solitary existence by his side, it seemed like the latter was possible.

So, he took great care in maneuvering you both onto your sides to rest more comfortably while you waited and dozed. The time passed with kisses and touches, and the constant drone of purring filling in the gaps where your bodies failed to touch.

In that moment and onward, you didn't much care that you were his victim. His butterfly caught in a trap, kept docile by the sweet taste of honey.

–

“Looks like the worst is over,” You mumbled, looking over the to-be scar on his back. “You sure you want me to take out the stitches?”

Sukuna scoffed and looked over his shoulder. “You want those things to fuse into my fucking skin, omega? Take ‘em out.”

You furrowed your brows, but complied nonetheless. “Doubt they’d fuse to your skin,” You mumbled.

Sukuna growled at you, and you grunted back, not impressed, no longer intimidated. Things had changed ever since that night. For the better, somehow. You found yourself less intimidated, less afraid, and he seemed to welcome it with open arms and a wolfish grin. You weren’t entirely sure, but you almost felt like it was the definition of mates.

A banging from the basement made you jump and huff, earning an amused snicker from your partner.

“Almost stabbed you with the scissors.”

“Don’t fucking stab me with scissors.”

“Not on purpose,” You sighed. “Should we knock them out again?” You wondered as you carefully cut every stitch and gently pulled them free.

A deathly rasp had you both snapping to attention. A handful of figures lumbered outside the house, shambling and bumping into this and that as they searched for whatever stimulus had caught their attention. You found yourself annoyed, knowing the cattle locked up down below were probably the lure.

“Well, if they’re gonna be attracting the fucking zombies like that, yeah.” Sukuna yawned and rolled his shoulders once you finished up with a reassuring pat to his back. “Might as well make ‘em fun-sized ‘n store ‘em in the freezer right away while we’re at it. They’ll get too scrawny otherwise.”

You hummed as you cleaned up. “Isn’t leaner meat better?”

“Yeah, but the fat’s useful,” Sukuna said with a smirk. He tugged his shirt on and stood, looping his strong arms around your middle while you puttered about and ensured the medical tools and counter stayed clean. “Use it for fires. Keep us warm ‘n shit. ‘Sides, might get shittier meat, but more of it.”

You smiled a little (not at the idea of using human fat as an incendiary component, but at the little, domestic touch, of course), and nodded to yourself. “Well, I’m not gonna argue. You’ve done this longer than me. It’s not like we can go scavenging with the streets like this either.”

Another handful of ghouls stumbled by the back door. Everything was barricaded, every window was blacked out, every possible way of entry was evaluated and reinforced, but the presence and proximity of the new rush of undead still unnerved you; you recognized most of them, too, which was an unwelcome touch. Something had gone awry at the mill, the two of you reasoned. Somehow, someone got bit, and the infection spread to the rest of the compound–the rest of the soldiers, at least.

Most of the undeads wandering about once held positions of power. They once boasted before the cells of omegas, brandishing their medals and ribbons and everything else in a pathetic attempt to earn favour and initiate courtship. Now, it seemed those outside of the cages had seen the cruel, flesh-eating face of karma. You could only hope the lack of familiar, friendly faces meant your kind stayed locked away and safe while the compound exploded. They were strong; they'd make it.

Of course, there were whimpering survivors from your terrorizers’ side, namely the two men downstairs that Sukuna welcomed in with promises of safety and kinship ringing sweet on his tongue. It must've tasted quite bitter when they realized the trap was sprung with no honey to be found.

Sukuna yawned and let go of you to tug his shirt back on. “Streets'll clear. Just a matter of waiting. Taking care of those two pigs downstairs'll keep shit quiet.” He picked up a hatchet and you shuddered. “We’ll take it from there.”

You watched him wander to the door leading down to the basement–and then a thought got caught in your mind and sunk its teeth in with desperate need.

“We should check the compound,” you said. Sukuna paused, and you swallowed down your brimming insecurity. “They have–I know they had medical supplies. And food. We should see what’s left.”

Sukuna’s shoulders relaxed the slightest bit before he laughed. “‘N here I thought you were gonna beg for me to search for survivors.”

“What? No, are you kidding me? I just want more medical stuff in case you get yourself hurt again,” you huffed, crossing your arms.

Your partner threw a doting gaze over his shoulder at you before smirking. “Sounds like a plan.”

#male reader insert #sukuna x you #sukuna x m!reader #jjk #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #reader insert #ryoumen sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #jjk smut #jjk x male reader #jjk x y/n #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryoumen x reader #itadori sukuna x reader

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ilovetoxicfictionalmen · 11 months ago

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SAVIOUR

Pairing - Emmett x fem!reader

Summary - When Emmett had the chance of seeing you in the forest, he couldn't resist but to steal you away for himself in his lonely home.

Warnings - dub con, p in v, oral both receiving, cruel treatment, rough.

Notes - accidentally deleted the original post, so here we go again.

The silver lining with this apocalypse is that Emmett would have no distress with you making a noise as he motions you to keep on moving. Your body is shivering, eyes swelling, bare feet aching from the long journey, but you don’t dare to make a sound. The fear of the death angels still being greater than a mere bearded man.

Despite being kidnapped in broad daylight, it was a beautiful day. The beauty of this difficult situation was, Emmett could walk into your camp, holding a gun to the air with one hand, and his free hand pointing towards you without any worries. There were no negotiations in the matter, Emmett was the only one with a death wish. No followers or you all get to die an agonizing death. Because he has lost it all, but now he could have you. It was an easy guess with what the group had decided upon.

He first saw you through his scope, you and a few other group members were searching for supplies in the same area he was. Emmett became captivated by you the moment he saw you. He stalked you back to your base, there were only a dozen of you guys in an abandoned factory far north of his. He watched you for days, studied you, obsessed over you.

There were little things Emmett knew of you, but you seemed kind, genuine, naive and you were bewitching to the human eye. Emmett just had to have you, he lived a lonely life, but you provided an opportunity for comfort, contentment, intimacy.

Entering the factory, your eyes wander around the abandoned space. Emmett picked you up bridal style, and you slid down into his bunker, landing softly on a large pile of sandbags.

You laid still on him for a moment, he was stroking your flustered cheek as you struggled to find steady breathing. Gently, Emmett slid out from underneath you and stood up to take off his jacket. Laying like a dead fish, you decided to stand up and hopefully bargain with the stranger.

“Please, let me go home,” you pleaded in a whisper. You weren’t sure how safe it was to speak down here, but it had just become natural to speak at this sound. Emmett turned to you, slowly taking his bandana off, revealing his bearded, dirty face.

Very naive of you, perhaps a bit too hopeful too, to think that he’d have a sudden change of heart now after that long walk. But you had no clue how obsessed he had become over you in such a short amount of time, and with such little knowledge of you.

“This is your home now” he replied, closing the distance between you two, he brushed your loose hair with the back of his hand. “What’s your name?” Emmett asked. With a whisper, you told him your name, it was smarter to cooperate with him, maybe gain a bit of trust? “Pretty name for a pretty girl, I’m Emmett” he whispered back, his arms wrapped around your lower back.

You could feel his erection through the denim, his breathing was heavy yet quiet, quickly you found yourself shaking and whimpering against him. Emmett cooed you, rubbing your lower back in attempts to make yourself feel better, completely unaware that he’s the reason you feel so overwhelmed.

“I’m going to take care of you, okay? I’ll protect you, all you have to do is please me, baby” Emmett had a small smile on his lips, he leant down and kissed your cheek, which trailed down to your neck.

It was a good deal in his eyes, he’d protect you from the monstrosity once known as humanity and all you had to do was cheer, reassure and relieve him. It would be a romantic future in his eyes, you could read to one another, he’d search for rations and then you’d do the cooking, hold each other closely at night.

Your sobs were silent, his facial hair brushing against your goosebumps. Emmett took off his cap and dropped it onto the sandbags. His lips hovered over yours, almost as if he was waiting for you to close the small distance.

Grazing his lips onto yours, he slowly deepened the kiss, his hands moving onto your ass, squeezing tightly. Chest rising and falling, Emmett was groaning into your mouth through sloppy kisses. He was hungry like an animal, and you were to be an endless feast for him.

“On your knees” Emmett ordered.

Unwillingly, you slowly dropped to your knees, his hands on his shoulders pushing you down, your arms covered your chest and you kept your eyesight away from the restrained bulge in your face. Emmett sighed, his rough hands took their time unbuckling the leather belt, he undid his fly and slid down his jeans enough to be able to see the outline of his cock through his briefs.

Grabbing onto his bulge, Emmett stared you up and down, clicking his tongue. “Take off your top” he grumbled, combing his hand through his oily hair. Without thinking, you shook your head. Emmett grunted, quickly squatting down and wrapping his hand around your throat. Your nails dug into his hand, but he did not loosen his grip. “You’ll be a good girl, I did not go through all of this fucking effort to have you be a brat, got it?” Emmett snarled by your ear, you were trying to spit out words but failed. “Use your fucking words” his voice was dripping of irritation.

“Y-yes” you managed to spit out.

The hold on your throat loosened, Emmett gave a heavy sigh. “Good girl, such a good girl for me. You’re thankful for me, yeah? Saving you from them. If they really cared, they would have done something about it. They’d be willing to die for you, like I am” he spoke with dark eyes.

It was terrifying, his look was painted with crazed feelings. Emmett stood back up and waited for you to follow his previous order. With shaking hands, you pulled your top from over your head. But that didn’t satisfy Emmett, he glared at you until you realized he wanted you to take your bra off as well.

The cold air hardened your nipples, and Emmett studied your current appearance. There was this smug look on his face, this is exactly why he went these lengths for you. Slipping his size out of his briefs, his cock tapped your right cheek a couple of times, he was slowly masterbating right by your lips.

You didn’t expect him to be this, large. It was intimidating, being in such close range to his member. You’ve only known him for a few hours, and now he had his dick in your face. His cock was a tone darker than the rest of his skin, he had a lot of pubic hair around the base of his member, for obvious reasons.

It was self explanatory what was expected of you, you raised your hands and stroked his big size. He let out a satisfied sigh, your hands going right down to the base and coming back up to the head. Reluctantly, your lips hovered over the tip. You could see the precum drip, you had to close your eyes to swirl your tongue around his tip, slowly going deeper down his length.

“Ah, ah, yeah… Such a good girl” Emmett smiled, gently thrusting his member in and out of your mouth. “Nothing better for your mouth to do, then to please my cock” his eyes were lightly rolling back.

After a couple of minutes of gentle sucking, Emmett started to force his cock into your mouth, his tip brushing against the back of your throat. You gagged against him, resisting the urge to bite down on him, he was lightly grunting, mumbling words under his breath with his jaw clenched, watching you below him as you struggled to breathe.

Holding onto the back of his legs for support, he held the back of your head to keep you still. You could feel his cock twitching in your mouth, eyes stinging as you just tried to focus on your breathing. After what felt like an eternity of pain, he grumbled, his hips locked forward as he came in your mouth.

Trying your hardest not to react to the salty taste, Emmett slowly pulled him out of your mouth, your jaw aching and tears running down your eyes. Gently stroking his cock, Emmett looked down to you and placed his hand softly on your heated cheek.

“That was lovely” Emmett slowly praised you. He helped you up and picked you off the ground.“You deserve to feel special too” Emmett continued, walking down the bunker.

Emmett laid you on the singular bed and tugged your pants and underwear off together, he pulled his soiled shirt off and crawled on top of you. He smelt lightly of body odor, his breath was hot by your ear and chest felt moist from the sweat. Elbows resting on either side of your head, he gave you a gentle kiss, you didn’t kiss him back.

“Don’t be so stiff” Emmett grunted, quickly you kissed him back.

His hand trailed over your inner thighs, reaching all the way up to your entrance, you hadn’t even realized how wet you had become. A wicked grin grew on him as he parted your slick lips with two fingers.

“Ugh, is this because of me?” Emmett toyed, his finger circling around your clit, you took in a heavy breath, trying to remain content underneath your assaulter. “Don’t make me feel so special” Emmett clicked his tongue, feeling up your breast with his spare hand.

Without letting you know, he pushed in two fingers at once, chuckling at the tight feeling against them. You bit back a cry of pain, his nails were poorly trimmed, they scraped against your soft walls as they curled inside of you, Emmett noticed your uncomfortable expression and pulled his fingers out.

“What’s wrong baby?” Emmett asked, actually sounding concerned about you.

“It hurts” you said honestly, a part of you wondered if you should have just lied instead. Emmett looked at his soaked nails and sighed.

“Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart, I’ll have to trim them better. Here, I have an easy solution” he winked to you as if you wanted to be in this predicament.

Emmett whispered sweet words as he slid down the bed. He was on his knees, bent over, his beard brushing against your entrance. You shrieked at the first lick, Emmett’s head shot up and he pressed his finger to his mouth. With a heavy gulp, you dug your face into the pillow. His tongue swirled all around your lips, you were moaning against the pillow, and it still wasn’t quiet enough for Emmett’s likings, even though Emmett wants nothing more than to hear your screams, he didn’t exactly what you two to die horrible deaths before he could make you come.

Emmett sighed and got up, you looked up to him, your eyebrows furrowed as he crawled on top of you, his exposed cock inches away from your mouth. Twirling himself around, Emmett lowered his body closer to yours, he moved his sticky member away from your mouth, allowing his balls to easily slip into your mouth. He gripped onto your thighs and pressed his head into your cunt.

Your moans vibrated around his balls, making his cock twitch, your head was locked in between his still covered legs, the denim rubbing against your ears. It wasn’t hard for him to get you already onto the edge. His tongue was deep inside of you, being pulsated by your walls. Emmett was groaning into your cunt, your eyes all swelled up by your orgasm desperately begging to break free. With one last deep push, your cunt clenched around his tongue for dear life as your loud moans of pleasure were blocked by his balls.

With shaking legs, your orgasm wore off, slurring with your mouth still full. Pulling his head away, his beard was soaked in your juices. Emmett sighed as he softly climbed off of you, just to turn himself back around and pin you down, hands above your head. Your eyes were tired, breathing slow and heavy as he aligned his tip with your entrance. It took you a moment to even realize that this wasn’t over yet.

He covered your mouth with his hand as he pushed himself inside of you, it only took a couple of thrusts until he was completely inside of you, he was mumbling by your ear as his pace slowly picked up.

“Such a good little girl for me” he smiled, his beard brushing against your flustered cheeks. “See why I had to save you? I can take care of you baby, fulfill your needs, just like you can fulfill mine” he smiled like a cheshire cat.

You were whining against his size, you’ve never been with someone so big before, his cock was twitching inside of you. Emmett wouldn’t be able to last as long as he’d want to, it’s been so long since he’s felt such an intimate touch. But he had to be able to make you come again before he’d allow himself to explode inside of you.

Moaning your name by your ear over and over again, he started attacking your bundle of nerves by thrusting at a quick and strong speed. You were clenching against him, eyes rolling back as you struggled to breathe, the side of his index finger pressing up against your nostrils.

“My sweet thing needs to come again?” Emmett moaned, his mouth wide open as he stared into your teary eyes. “Come around my cock, make me feel good aye?” Emmett ordered, his finger rubbing your clit perfectly.

Shortly after that, you followed his demand and clenched tightly around his size. It sent vibrations down his length, right to his base. With a few more heavy thrusts, he exploded right down your womb. A heavy groan echoing through the room. His head was in the crook of your neck, planting wet kisses on your skin.

Burying his cock all the way up to your cervix, his substance coated your walls, his base blocking anything to drip out of your entrance. Emmett was groaning quietly, slowly removing his moist hand from your mouth.

You took a deep breath, the back of your head pressing into the mattress, Emmett raised his head and gave you gentle kisses among your face as you dozed off to sleep, with him still buried inside of you.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x fem!reader #smut #emmett a quiet place #emmett x you #emmett x reader #a quiet place part 2

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arden-c · 3 months ago

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does anyone still use Tumblr? Trying to recover my online footing after some big life changes, moves, layoffs, changing my whole gender, and recovering from a decade of art burnout. I’ve never been good at the internet game, and now it’s a whole different beast with the tiktok’s and reels and whatnot. I miss this site a bit, it always felt more casual on here and like people have permission to be a bit more messy and authentic.

I was among the chunk of devs laid off Riot Games in January and am still seeking work. It’s grim out there these days. Every week brings another round of layoffs and studio closures. But at least I’m having fun drawing again. The one strange silver lining of the game industry imploding and the AI apocalypse potentially annihilating my career path is that I feel a lot more comfortable just experimenting and reconnecting with why I even got started drawing in the first place. Not as worried about having to be professional or have everything look polished. I guess I’ll just see what happens.

#sketches #conceptart #artblr #rambles #witch #game industry

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daughterofyore · 2 years ago

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George and the Pond.

King George x f!reader

[[Queen Charlotte (Netflix)]]

category; heavy smut, fluff, angst (lil bit)

wc; 2,249

music inspired;- apocalypse

a/n:: George has a manic episode by the pond, you manage to calm him and he’s so thankful for you he fucks you to show it :)

TW!: NSFW, George porphyria episode (Venus), heavy smut, breeding kink, Good ol fast sex

Venus begged George to find her. She pleaded with him to search, to save her. She was his one true love. She needed him! He ran through the palace grounds, in the distance behind him there was a cacophony of shouts, someone begging for him to turn around. It was Venus’ ex lovers, surely. They didn’t understand the love they shared, the adoration of their coupling. Her beautiful, pale skin and blemished face. Glowing like a fading star against the ebony blanket of the night sky. An infinite amount of white blazing stars surrounding her like a halo in all her glory. Oh, how he longed to be by her side. How he dared to get closer to her. He needed to feel her glow upon his skin, so without a moments hesitation he ripped his clothes from his skin. Silk pyjamas made of the finest lapis lazuli blue discarded into the mud of the pond. He raised his arms to her, crying for her to join him on this mortal plane. For the goddess of love to bless him with her prowess. He could feel her compassionate deposition seep into his very pores, touching his bare, sculpted body. Casting shadows along the dips and ridges of his muscles.

“George!” You cried out to him, watching as he bared his body to the entire garden. Reynolds raced ahead of you, reaching before you could. You were still adorned in your glittering evening gown. Made of a deep fiery scarlet, as if it was made of the last embers of a great fire. Silver lining cascaded down its centre and bodice, elaborate lace adorning the contrasting peachy cream underskirt. It flew around you as you gathered the skirt into your arms, heels clicking off the cobbles and then sinking into the finely kept lawns. You stumbled and struggled to reach your husband, you could see his eyes glistening as he stared at the planet Venus. He cried of his love to her, his devotion. How is it I don’t receive that love? You scoffed, a moment of clarity as you were still unsure as to why he acted this way. You had suspected it for some time now, his comings and goings from Kew. The secrecy surrounding him and the protectiveness of not only Reynolds but his mother too.

Your voice was like an arrow through the fog, piercing the hazy clouds in his peripherals. Venus seemed to fade into the background as he spun to look at you. You weren’t Venus, you were you. Shining brighter than she ever could. As he watched you approach, the sparkles glittering from your dress enraptured him. He felt himself falling in your direction, before a voice called him to turn around. Venus, competitive as always. She challenged you for his attention. He laughed incredulously, how lucky was he to be fought over by the Goddess of Love and her rival? Reynolds stood at his side, begging helplessly for him to return to the castle. He gathered his clothes in his hand, looking at him with a pleading gaze. Continuously he requested for the King to go inside, tried to reason with him. You knew you had never seen this before but maybe, just maybe he would recognise you.

You reached his side, letting go of your dress. It fell on his feet and pressed into his calves. He turned to you, eyes wide, hyperventilating. “You won-“ He whispered looking at you, as if it was the first time he truly saw you. He turned towards the sky, laughing. “You lost Venus! Imagine that!” He returned to face you but upon seeing your worried expression, his celebrations halted. “How come you are not happy? You have won, have you not?”

“George, it’s time we go inside now.”

“What, why? The night is beautiful we-“

“George, Venus has lost this game but I would prefer to celebrate with you indoors.” He stood very still for a moment, dark brows scrunching together as he tried to concentrate and discern exactly what you were implying. His brain felt jumbled, mixed and confused. Like he wasn’t allowed to understand, as if there was a black alabaster wall separating from the here and there.

“I wish to stay here. Let’s celebrate here.” You paused and gazed at him, studying him carefully. You spun to Reynolds.

“Cover the windows and leave his clothes here. Ensure nobody enters these grounds or can see us.” Reynolds pressed his lips into a thin line before muttering a ‘Yes, your majesty.’ He left, grabbing Brimsley by the elbow and guiding him indoors. You turned back to George, your husband. Your king. You rested a gentle hand on his chest, and he stilled. He sucked in a devastating shaky breath before raising his arms to hold your shoulders.

“You, you saw- oh, wife I- oh I am so sorry.” His eyes began to water, a new clarity crossing them. His face slackened, now an evident frown replacing his once maniacal smile. You hushed him, gently guiding him to your chest as you snaked comforting arms around him. You held him in your embrace, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he let silent sobs escape him. He sniffled, clutching onto the fabric of your dress as he eventually sunk to his knees. “My dear I am so sorry, I am sorry I have avoided you. That I have tried to hide I-“ He couldn’t get his words out but you put a comforting hand on his head. Intertwining your fingers with his brown locks, you gently massaged his scalp.

“Do not apologise George. I understand you. I am here for you. Come, let us lie and look at the stars together.” You smiled at him, holding his hand and laying on the lawn. He tentatively lay beside you, he finally noticed his nakedness and his hands rushed to cover himself. You once again shushed him, grabbing the many layers of your skirts and draping them across his waist. “No need to worry about what I have seen before darling.” You chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. He smiled, sucking in a breath after as he looked to the sky.

“I could be married to a pompous wench right now, who wouldn’t give a damn about me. Who would run in the opposite direction if she saw what I did tonight..” he turned his head, gazing at you. You met his eyes and smiled. “Yet you stay, you lie with me. Why?”

“I believe I see myself in you. Trapped, misunderstood.” You took a shivering breath. “Sometimes all we need is a little kindness and a show of stability. I wish to be that for you.” His eyes began to glaze, he sucked in his bottom lip as it began to quiver.

He turned on his side, a new light coming to his eyes. Slowly he raised a leg to bend at an angle across your thighs. Bracing himself on an elbow he gazed at you. His face inches from you. “I do not know what I have done to deserve a woman such as you.” Slowly he lowered his lips to yours, kissing you softly. You reciprocated it, lips merely mingling before he slipped his tongue across them, asking for entry. You obliged, parting your lips as his tongue slipped by. He licked the bottom of your teeth, before dancing around your tongue with his. He sucked on your lip, biting it gently and sucking the sting away. You gasped, a hand travelling up his side. You could feel his muscles shiver at your touch, he manoeuvred over you, straddling your hips. His cock pressed against your stomach, hardening. His hands travelled up your sides before reaching your breasts. They were secured behind the corset of your evening gown, yet he managed to push a hand down its front and grope one. He massaged it in his hand, loving the mass and softness of it. His kiss deepened, he peppered them along your jaw and to your collarbone. Reaching your cleavage he looked at you mischievously, recalling his hand and replacing its absence with long, sensuous licks across the top of your breasts. His tongue travelled over them, then between. He licked up from your cleavage to your throat, to your lips. Kissing you again before he backed down, grabbing your skirts.

“And I you, my queen.”

You were breathing heavy, barely able to control the growing heat intensifying between your legs. A steady throb as it begged for attention. Your core tightening in angst of what was to come. This was what your wedding night should’ve been, but you didn’t care. This, this was better. Laying on the cool grass beneath a bright moon and stars that reflected off of a still pond. This was bliss. George hiked your skirts up, laying them across your midriff. He bowed down again, grabbing your pantyhose and pulling them down to expose bare thighs. He looked at you over the mound of skirts, smirking. “Are you alright my love, may I continue?” You nod, breath escaping you. You peered up at the stars between the foliage of the cherry blossom tree. George dipped his head between your thighs, gently pushing them apart. He kissed and nipped at the sensitive skin, licking the sting away again once more.

Agonisingly slow he made his way to your centre, licking over the underwear covering you. He raised a hand, rubbing a finger between your folds and feeling the wetness seep the fabric. He grinned, pushing a finger into you and watching you arch your back. He kept the underwear on, watching you squirm as he teased you. Ever so slowly he retracted the finger, dragging it up and pressing it to your clit. Your juices soaked the fabric now, it clung to your very shape. You jolted at the contact, the pressure on your clit making you pull away. He grabbed your left leg, putting it over his shoulder and gripping your thigh to hold you in place. He spread you with a knee, continuously exploring you over the whimsy barrier of your panties. You moaned, trying to move but he held you firmly in place. “Are you ready wife? Ready for me to take you?” You nod feverishly, his ministrations have built a fiery ache in your core. Begging for his attention. Your cunt wept as it pleaded for him to enter it, to give it attention. George smirked, gently taking your hands and pulling you up. He stepped behind you and made short work of the lace up your back. He quickly pulled the dress off, then the undergarments until finally you were bare before him. He smiled, standing back and admiring you. “My beautiful wife, in all her glory.” His eyes were ravenous, without a moments hesitation he was back between your legs. He kneeled, grabbing your hips he hoisted you into an awkward position, your legs dangled above his shoulders while you lay only on your shoulders and head. He held you in his grip, his lips placing tender kisses across your cunt. He licked, slow as of tasting your every essence. His tongue slipped into you, to which he began to lick inside you. He left it begging for more and turned his attention to your clit again. It throbbed for him, and he knew it did. He wrapped an arm around your leg, balancing your ass against his chest as he spread you with two fingers. He began to taste you, sucking on your clit. He nipped it, sucking it better straight after. You squirmed in his grasp but he still held you firmly, refusing to let you move. He lapped at your pussy like a thirsty dog, drinking you up. He turned his attention back to your clit, sucking intensely on it. You moaned, cried out his name. He seemed to only grow more excited and you could feel his length pressing into the small of your back. He sucked, and sucked, and sucked until finally the growing tension ruptured. You screamed his name, yet he continued to suck and lick you through the orgasm. You were trembling at the end, and he lay you down, kissing your stomach. He looked up at you as you threaded fingers through his hair. “I’m going to put a baby in you, my queen.” He smirked and you swore it nearly undid you again. He sat back on his knees, his cock long and hard as it stood. He grabbed your hips, pulling you towards him. He grabbed his dick, rubbing it’s tip along your slit. He pressed a firm hand down on your stomach as he slowly pushed his way in without any warning. You stretched, moaning around him. His sheer size pushing you close to ecstasy.

Once he was in he let loose a shivering sigh, looking back to you. “Are you alright my love?” You nodded, placing a hand on his as it pressed into your stomach. He could feel the faint mass of his cock in you, it turned him on even more. Slowly, he pulled out and pushed back in again. Keeping a slow and steady rhythm till you had adjusted. Once he could feel you relax, he began to pound into you. Growing in intensity. Gasps of air escapes him each time he fucks you. You were a moaning mess, barely able to breathe. Your breasts bounced up and down at the ferocity he pounded into you. His balls clapped off your ass, sounding through the garden. You felt like you were in heaven. He looked up at you and grabbed one of your breasts, squeezing it. He pinched your nipple, pulling it slightly as he fucked you. You were in ecstasy. Every inch of your being burning, yearning for his touch. He grabbed your hips, spinning you around to be on all fours as he stayed inside you. He gripped your hips and continued his merciless fucking. “George! Oh fuck George-“ You screamed for him, moaning his name.

“I’m going to cum inside you pretty queen-“ He moaned your name, deep and guttural. “And watch you grow with our child, our heir.” You cried out for him again, and it was all he needed to slam himself into without mercy, he reached a hand around you, rubbing your clit with no remorse. It was so intense you couldn’t think straight.

“George I- George I’m going to cum!”

“Do it, do it for me my queen. Do it together.” He moaned above you, continuing his ministrations. The pair of you cried out, heads thrown back in ecstasy. You orgasmed, and he spilled his seed into you. It’s warmth spreading through your core. He stayed in you for a moment, breathing deeply. You were gasping for air below him. Eventually he slid out, pulling you down to lay beside him. He held you close, running a lazy hand up and down your side.

“My beautiful Queen, fucked by the garden pond.”

#king george iii #king george bridgerton #king george x reader #king george x f!reader #queen Charlotte #queen Charlotte x reader #king George smut #bridgerton #bridgerton smut #bridgerton series #bridgerton spoilers #bridgerton fanfiction #queen charlotte fanfiction

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pedriache · 5 months ago

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✴︎ MASTERLIST !

FLUFF. ANGST. MINOR SAFE CONTENT. CRIMINAL MINDS. FOOTBALL. F1. F2. F3. HOCKEY.

Links start here , I try to update daily.

CRIMINAL MINDS !

All characters . . .

Masterlist here

FOOTBALLERS !

Barça Players . . .

Pedri Gonzalez full masterlist

Pablo Gavi Full Masterlist

Pau Cubarsí Full Masterlist

All FCB Players Masterlist

Marc Guiu . . .

strawberries , part one ( fluff )

strawberries , part two ( fluff )

kiss me ( fluff )

Arda Güler . . .

Arda Güler Full Masterlist

Kenan Yildiz . . .

my love, all mine ( fluff )

Love me that way ( angst )

Leandro Trossard . . .

softly ( fluff )

cherry pit ( fluff )

Jobe / Jude Bellingham . . .

Jude&Jobe masterlist

Cole Palmer . . .

sea of love ( fluff )

Mornings like this ( fluff )

Florian Wirtz . . .

sidelines ( fluff )

silver lining ( fluff )

boyfriend head canons

Trent Alexander-Arnold . . .

to say hello ( angst )

the only exception ( fluff )

birch tree ( fluff )

Lucas Bergvall . . .

keep driving ( fluff )

Fernando Torres . . .

better than this ( angst )

all i need ( fluff )

João Félix . . .

apocalypse ( fluff )

Bukayo Saka . . .

Always, forever ( hurt/comfort )

wait till you get home ( H/C )

Kai Havertz . . .

unrequited love (& other clichés) ( angst )

Jamal Musiala . . .

ur so pretty ( fluff )

Leah Williamson . . .

sailor song ( fluff )

when she smiles ( fluff )

Aitana Bonmatí . . .

2 hold u ( fluff )

cariño ( fluff )

Alexia Putellas . . .

moments ( fluff )

FORMULA ONE !

Franco Colapinto . . .

normalcy ( fluff )

Company ( fluff )

all in good time ( fluff )

Lando Norris . . .

velvet mood ( fluff )

2 hands ( angst )

lover // over the moon ( fluff )

boyfriend head canons

FORMULA TWO !

Jak Crawford . . .

made to fall in love ( fluff )

christmas love ( fluff )

Pepe Martí . . .

apple cider ( fluff )

something great ( fluff )

FORMULA THREE !

Arvid Lindblad . . .

i hate it too ( angst )

HOCKEY !

Jack Hughes . . .

the wall ( fluff )

Quinn Hughes . . .

merry christmas, i miss you (fluff)

Peace and love on this blog please ! p.s. i love comments <3 and let me know if you’d like to be tagged in anyone i write for posts!

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duskmachine · 5 months ago

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I can't take it anymore. The new Chainsaw Man chapters are so good I have to talk about them. Spoilers for chapters 176-178 below.

Love Yoru here. She undermines the sacrifices Asa has made and describes them as "trifling things" because in Yoru's eyes she has a much bigger goal. She constantly makes fun of Asa because Asa is a child and therefore values things much lesser than the dreams of the War Devil. It's so insane because right in the next panel,

Asa acts like an adult! Would you sacrifice the things you have fought for the sake of your own gain? You say one thing but mean another. Asa is much like Yoru in this regard, she wishes to fulfill Denji's dreams (whatever they may be) and protect him. But in reality, she wants to do these things for the sake of proving she is a "good" person.

This connects back to the church briefly touched on in the previous chapters! What makes a good person? Action or intent? Many people go to church to follow tradition, and follow the values of this religious system because it will secure them in, what they believe to be, heaven. If one does good for the sake of personal gain, can we say that person is "good"?

Yoru and Asa both are willing to destroy what they had wanted to protect in order to gain this "goodness". Asa, without really understanding, is harming Denji while trying to do right by him. And Yoru, who is willing to kill her comrades for...

This! She is willing to give up everything for the sake of proving she is a "more fearsome devil"! She ridicules Asa for the "trifling things" she values, and yet she is sacrificing her own kin for the sake of the most petty bullshit dick measuring contest EVER. One that Chainsaw Man does not even care about. It's not a contest between two of the most "fearsome devils" it's a desperate devil attempting to find any means to remain relevant.

This is some teenager angst coming from a centuries old horseman of the apocalypse.

Armless, mouthless, and with zero agency she comes to realize her pettiness and chooses to steal the freedom of choice from her children. They must serve her as her mouth and her arms. Children then are:

Asa was saved by her mother from the Typhoon Devil. In reality, despite Asa's flaws she is a teenager. She wants go to college, have a home, have friends. Her story reflects Denji's. She wanted a normal life where she was loved and yet, her agency was taken by a devil much more powerful than her and now she must find meaning and power in a position stripped of those things.

In a way she is attempting to find a silver lining, "If I can protect Denji, that means I'm still a good person despite everything". Which is so tragic, because in more ways than one, she was never truly able to make a sound decision due to the lies she was told and the possession of her body.

And come this horrifying sequence of events. Where Asa finds herself as the War Devil, hollowed out of her original heart. Her dream desecrated by war waged for the most petty bullshit dick measuring contest EVER. And isn't that all war? As the Statue of Liberty reveals itself to be a cocooning child of war. True freedom, in the hands of law makers and of devils, is defined by one's ability to wage war and decide who, in the end of mindless violence, is the true victor.

Individuals willing to kill children understood to be a parents' property, or a state's property, are devils through and through.

This is the fundamental horror of being a child, of being poor, of being irrelevant. This is the fate devils and humans similar to Yoru avoid by constantly participating in petty bullshit dick measuring contests.

Denji and Yoru are children who have been hollowed out so devils and humans can wage violent wars that destroy colleges, homes, and families with these children's bodies and hearts.

#chainsaw man #chainsaw man spoilers #csm #csm chapter 178

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bluebeary-jay · 2 years ago

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Midnight kisses

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Jackson celebrates the New Year’s Eve, and you're thinking about finally confessing to your crush how much you like him. but Joel Miller, the object of your affections, might have other plans in mind. (based on this adorable request!!)

Tags: FLUFF my beloved 🥰, Joel is very flirty in this one, lots of crushinggg, just old sweet mutual pining (also they're both lovesick idiots)

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and being drunk, jealousy, age difference

Word count: 5.4K

A/N: i had a lot of fun with this one 🥰 thank you so much once again for the request, dear, i hope you'll like what i came up with. (btw this was supposed to be a short fic but it seems i'm unable to write one 😔) still i hope yall will like it and as always, happy reading!! 💕

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

The party was in a full swing.

You didn’t expect anything else from the Jackson community. Ever since you arrived here, you were astounded by the effort that the people living in this small town were making to create a life as normal and joyous as possible – for their children and themselves. And today, on New Year’s Eve, they outdid themselves. There was food, music and drinks – almost as if the apocalypse outside those walls never happened.

You were sitting by one of the tables, sipping on your beverage while you waited for your friend, Angie, to arrive. Dancing alone didn’t sound like an appealing idea, so while you waited for her, you opted for some people-watching – though if you were honest with yourself, it was more like ‘person-watching’.

Your eyes strayed to a figure on the opposite side of the room for like a twentieth time, but you couldn’t help it even if you wanted to. Because there stood a man who still, even after more than a year of knowing him, made the butterflies in your stomach take flight.

Joel Miller.

He looked really good in a clean flannel and fitting jeans, you conceded. His hair was slightly wet, like he washed it just before coming to the party, and combed a little to the back, making the silver strands in his hair and beard shine in the low lights. You found yourself unable to look away or get rid of that stupid grin on your face that lingered when Joel smiled lopsidedly at something his brother said. The muscles in his arm bulged when he lifted his glass to take a sip, and you watched the lines of his neck when his throat bobbed...

“You’re ogling,” murmured a voice next to your ear, and you jumped a little in surprise. Next to you stood Angie, smirking at you.

“Jesus, Angie.” You put your hand on your chest, your heart pounding rapidly. “A ’hello’ would be nice.”

Your friend knew, of course, about your massive crush on Joel Miller, and you thought more than a year of pining on your part would cause her to grow bored of all the jokes and teasing that she threw your way. Apparently, you were wrong.

“Hello,” she said, then sat down on the other chair and leaned closer to you with a wide smile. “You’re ogling. In a room full of people, may I add.”

“I’m not,” you murmured defensibly, but your face grew warm at the realization that she caught you. “How long have you been standing here, anyway?”

“Like half a minute. By the way, you’re also drooling.”

“I’m not!” you repeated, now in an irritated whisper. You knew you weren’t drooling, but still had to refrain yourself from wiping your mouth, not wanting to give her the satisfaction. “Stop making things up.”

“You should just go talk to him.” Angie casually nodded in Joel’s direction. “He didn’t come with a date, sooo…”

“That doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he’s waiting for someone.”

“Uh, duh!” Angie flicked you on the forehead, and you hissed. “For you to make a move. You can… oh, I know!” she bounced in her seat excitedly and clapped her hands. “Ask him to dance with you!”

You almost snorted. “Joel Miller dancing? Sure. He wouldn’t agree even if he did like me.”

“He does like you. Jesus, you flirt with each other all the time.” The smile disappeared from her lips and she rolled her eyes. “Honestly, you’d have to be blind and deaf not to notice. And maybe dead.”

“There’s no flirting, I told you.” You took a sip of your drink, glancing at the object of your affection. “He talks in this way to everyone.”

“He never called me ‘darling’,” Angie retorted. “Or gave me his jacket when we got caught up in the rain.”

You smiled softly at the memory, but that just made you feel even more hopeless, because since that day, you weren’t able to have a normal conversation with the man you liked so much.

“What do I do?” you whined, leaning on the table. “He’s so beautiful. And he for sure doesn’t see me that way.”

“Are you drunk already? You said you didn’t want a repeat from–”

“–from last year, yeah,” you finished for her and sighed. “I’m not drunk, just feeling down. There’s no way I’ll be able to tell him I like him, Angie.”

“Maybe you won’t have to.” Your friend nudged you gently. “You can just inconspicuously take him under one of the mistletoe and go ‘oh, what’s that?’, and then…”

“What mistletoe?” you asked, only now looking up at the ceiling where familiar-looking leaves were tied with a string to the support beams under the ceiling and above the doors. “Why is there mistletoe hanging?” you asked skeptically. “It’s a New Year’s Eve party.”

“I think they haven’t taken it down since last week.” Angie shrugged, but then grinned at you. “Don’t you think it’s a sign, though? So many places to kiss your crush under~...”

“Jesus, keep your voice down,” you groaned, hiding your face in your hands again. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re impossible,” she mocked in a low voice. “I’m trying to help.”

“I know, babe,” you whined, and sighed heavily again. “You know what, maybe I should just forget it. Let’s go have fun, dance, and later throw up from all the food and…”

Suddenly, Angie interrupted you with a high noise in her throat. You gave her a questioning look and she looked at you with a tight-lipped smile and wide eyes.

“He’s coming here.”

“What?!” You automatically turned around before Angie hissed for you not to look, and sure enough, there was Joel Miller, making his way through the crowd with his eyes locked on you. “Oh my god,” you breathed, clutching at your friend’s hand. “He must’ve seen us talking. What do I do?”

“You sit there and look smoking hot, and let him flirt with you,” she answered with confidence you didn’t feel. “And maybe you won’t even need to ask for the kiss, maybe he’ll do it for–” Her eyes darted above your shoulder. “Oh, hey, Miller.”

You gulped and took a deep breath before turning around and– oh, God, he looked even better up close.

Angie kicked you lightly under the table when you didn’t say anything, and you cleared your throat, smiling up at the man you were so crazy about. “Uhm, hi, Jo– Mr Miller.”

“Didn’t I tell you to call me by my name, sugar?” He had kind of a boyish smile on his face that made him look younger and even more handsome, which in turn made your stomach fill with warmth. He sat down next to you, and his eyes scanned you down and back up, slowly, lingering on your legs and curves just for a second longer. “You look lovely.” He then glanced at Angie, sending her a nod. “Both of you.”

“Really?” you beamed, and Angie kicked your ankle again, making you wince. “Uhm, thanks. You clean up nicely yourself.”

A trace of smirk ran across his face, but it was gone before you could make sure it was really there in the first place.

“Are you enjoyin’ the party?” he asked casually, hiding one hand in the front pocket of his jeans. Your eyes followed his movement before you caught yourself.

“Y-yeah, it’s nice. A little too loud for me, but really nice.”

“Maybe you wanna step outside for a bit, then?” Joel nodded in the direction of the deck in the back, and your heart started beating faster.

Did he want to be alone with you? Or was just being polite and preferred to talk somewhere quieter, and you were getting your hopes up unnecessarily? You hoped it was the first, that he genuinely enjoyed chatting with you as much as you did with him – but you never knew with a man like Joel Miller. He was an enigma, sometimes serious and so stoic that you couldn’t for the world figure out what was going on in his head, and other times charming and teasing, making you weak in the knees when he was looking at you with that fiery glint in his eyes…

“Sugar?” Joel asked, lifting his eyebrows with what seemed to be amusement, and you cursed yourself mentally for spacing out.

“Sorry, I… Yes, let’s– sure, let’s go.”

All of you stood up and you looked over your shoulder at Angie with a panicked face, but instead of reassuring you, she sent you a quick, sly grin.

“You two go ahead,” she chirped. “I’m gonna go look for my date.”

“Angie–” you whispered, giving her a look, but the woman just winked and turned around, disappearing into the crowd of dancing people. “Angie!”

Before you could go after her, you felt a big, warm hand on the small of your back, and your entire body tensed. Joel leaned over to your ear, whispering in a low voice.

“Shall we?”

“Yeah,” you squealed, so quietly he probably didn’t hear it over the loud music. “Sure.”

Your legs moved on their own, going where he guided you. The walk to the terrace in the back lasted no longer than fifteen seconds, but it felt like hours had passed. You were very aware of the light pressure of his fingertips on your back, with only one layer of material separating your skin from his, and the nerves of feeling him so close behind you were making you walk stiffly and oddly – though, miraculously, he didn’t seem to notice.

“I don’t like how loud the music is, either,” Joel said after you two exited the main room, and he closed the door. Then he glanced at you again, his eyes flicking to your bare legs just for a second longer. “Are you cold?”

“No,” you answered truthfully. Not only was it nice to feel the cool air after sitting in a stuffy room with a crowd of people for so long, but also you still felt warm from Joel’s closeness. “I’m alright.” Joel nodded absentmindedly, and you squinted. “Did you want to talk about something or…”

“Nah, just wanted to escape for a minute.” He rubbed his beard and shrugged, but there was tightness to his body language. “Not much to do in there except for drinkin’.”

“And dancing,” you cut in.

Joel glanced at you, and the lazy smirk returned onto his features.

“You like to dance, sweet girl?” he asked, and you felt your face growing hot when you heard his tone. Low, drawling and oh, so delicious.

“If the party is good, yes, I guess so.” Then you remembered what Angie suggested earlier, and you took a shaky breath, mustering all the courage you had in you. “We… if you want, we could dance a little later, if they play something nice…?”

But the hot nerves in your chest turned to cold disappointment when Joel started to shake his head with a chuckle. “Nah, darlin’. Sorry, I don’t… I’m no dancer.”

“Noone here is,” you retorted, a bit hurt by how quick his rejection was. “It’s just for fun.”

“I know better ways to have fun than t’make an idiot of myself in front of bunch of people.”

“Like what?”

Of course, you just had to ask.

Joel smirked, as if he was just waiting for it, and took a step forward, forcing you to take one backwards. His brown eyes bored into yours, making you weak in your knees, and you promptly turned your gaze away, not able to withstand the tension in the air. With a cough, you walked up to the wooden railing, pretending that you weren’t feeling sheepish at all.

“For one, talkin’ here with you is fun enough for me.”

You forced yourself to look at Joel when you heard it, just to see if he’s joking, but the man appeared genuine. He leaned against the rails, his hand right next to your shoulder, and you couldn’t get rid of the thought of how easy it’d be for him to cage you in this spot with his strong arms, how he’d make your entire body tremble…

But you weren’t quite sure yet if he was being sweet or just tried to mess with you, so you decided that a teasing response would be the best course of action.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged lightly. “I’d still like to find someone to dance with tonight.”

At that, Joel’s hand gripped the railing tighter and his body stiffened. You had to hide a triumphant smirk on your face, pleased that you managed to throw him off his game – whatever it was that he was playing.

“One of your friends?” In your peripheral vision you saw him lifting his eyebrows with the faintest of scowls. “Or one of those shady guys sittin’ at the bar, staring at pretty girls like you? ’Cause they’re no good for you, darlin’.”

“Oh, really?” you scoffed and lifted your chin, feeling touched that Joel was acting so protective – (and maybe even… jealous?) – about what you said. “You were the one that didn’t want to dance. What do you know about what’s good for me, anyway?”

“Those guys won’t treat you right. They just want a girl to spend the night with, and you deserve better than that.”

He was right, of course, but it didn’t mean you were going to openly give him his due. You made an acknowledging noise, not really sure what to say, but Joel didn’t seem to mind. He continued in a quiet, raspy voice that sent shivers down your spine. “You deserve someone who’d take real good care of you, darlin’. Not some drunk out of their ass idiot.”

“Are you drunk, Mr Miller?” you asked, not looking at him in fear he’ll see how red his words made you, though you could still see his smirk in the corner of your eye.

“No.”

“You act like you are.”

“C’mon, sugar, look at me.” He took your chin between his fingers and your body went rigid. His warm gaze met yours for just a second, and he tilted his head forward a little. “Do I look drunk?”

“A little.” You turned your head away, but he tsked and guided your chin back.

“In the eyes, darlin’.” You gulped at his words, and his dark, brown irises twinkled in the fairy lights dangling from the roof and walls. “And call me Joel, please.”

His chest was almost touching yours, and you felt the wooden railing digging into your lower back, but at that moment you didn’t mind at all. Joel was so close, and your breath hitched in your throat when you got enveloped in his earthy smell, with a tinge of bonfire and… was that cologne? For some reason the discovery that he used cologne for tonight made your heart flutter.

But as much as you loved every second of being so close to him, you remembered that you weren’t alone on the terrace. There was a pair of people talking – well, now kissing, judging by the sound of it – and your eyes darted to the side to see if they were looking at you both. “Come on, there are people here. It’s not…”

The man clicked his tongue in disapproval and moved slightly closer, now practically pinning you against the railing with his body, and you squealed unwillingly when he, once again, made you look at him.

“Eyes on me.”

And God, if it wasn’t the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen or heard. It was unfair how much power his gaze and tone wielded over you.

“Okay,” you managed to whimper, and the corner of his mouth curled upwards, creating that adorable dimple in his cheek.

“And my name, sugar.”

You didn't know why you were complying so easily, but something about the softness and tenderness in his voice made you feel safe. He wouldn’t hurt you, of that you were absolutely sure.

“Okay, Joel.”

His thumb brushed the edge of your bottom lip with the softest of touches, making your legs almost turn to jelly. It made you want to say his name again, though in a much more needy tone.

“That’s a good girl,” Joel murmured with a smirk, never looking away.

Lord, have mercy.

You were so grateful for the wooden rails behind your back, because you were sure you’d collapse any second now if he kept looking at you like that.

“I… Joel…”

“Tell me if you’re uncomfortable,” he murmured without taking his eyes off of you for even a second. Your brain was mush at this point, but even if you could formulate any words, you doubt you’d ask him to step away. So you settled on shaking your head slightly, to which Joel nodded. “Lemme know immediately if it changes, darlin’.”

How could you be so blind? All you could think about was that Angie was right – there was no way Joel Miller wasn’t flirting with you. Maybe he even liked you. Maybe – just maybe – he wanted to kiss you just as much as you wanted to kiss him.

“Didn’t you wanna… get back to the party?”

You didn’t make any move to get away yourself, however, not wanting him to drop the arm with which he was holding your chin. The material of his shirt was bulging over the lines of his biceps, and it felt really nice to stand so close to him.

“I’m in no rush.” Joel’s voice dipped, and your insides tightened. “You?”

“No, but–”

“Here you are, you ol’ fucker!”

Joel took a step back, and you both turned to see his younger brother walking clumsily through the door with a big, drunken grin on his face. You cleared your throat, still breathless and blushed, but both Millers didn’t pay you any mind anymore.

“Tommy.” Joel’s face was like made out of stone, but his eyes were betraying how irritated he was with the interruption.

“You thought you’d manage to get away, ya old dog?” Tommy hooked an arm around his older brother’s shoulders and finally looked at you to send you a wink. “Sorry, sweetheart, gotta borrow ‘im for a second. He has a date to get to.”

It took you a couple of seconds to register that yes, you heard him right. A heavy veil of hurt and disbelief slowly fell down on you, and your eyes started to prickle as you looked from Tommy to Joel.

“A date?”

He had a date. Why then did he talk and act this way with you, making you feel like you ever had a chance with him?

“C’mon, don’t keep a lady waiting,” Tommy said to Joel instead of answering you, and tugged the other man back inside, but Joel didn’t move. “Who knows, maybe you’ll even get lucky tonight!”

That you couldn’t listen to.

Trying to hide how painful his words were to you, you ducked your head and tried to slip past the brothers, desperate to get out of here. A hand – which felt so achingly familiar now – shot out and grabbed your elbow before you could escape. You lifted your tearful eyes only to meet Joel’s sorrowful ones.

“Darlin’, wait. It’s not…”

“No, it’s okay,” you interrupted him, tearing your gaze away. “I wanted to go to the bathroom, anyway.”

Joel looked like he wanted to say something else, but you couldn’t bear being in his and Tommy’s presence any longer. You slipped out of his grasp, quickly coming back inside and navigating your way to the bathrooms.

He had a date for tonight. And still he flirted with you and touched you so lovingly, and… and almost…

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! To think you ever had a chance.

You dashed into the bathroom and quickly opened the first free stall you saw, then shut it behind you. There you just slumped against the wall and wrapped your arms around yourself, giving in to the flow of your tears, but trying not to make a sound.

You felt so foolish for letting yourself fall under Joel Miller’s spell, for ignoring that he obviously couldn’t be interested in someone like you.

He probably saw you as a dumb child. No wonder he’d prefer someone else, probably a woman closer to his own age.

But why did he have to be so cruel, to lead you on and hint that…

No, you realized. It was your own damn fault for letting your heart justify his every action towards you.

Almost ten minutes must’ve passed before you got a grip on yourself and decided to go find Angie. You needed to talk to someone, preferably distract yourself from the unpleasant situation you had to experience, and maybe try to salvage the evening somehow. With that in mind you took a couple of breaths, wiped your eyes and then hesitantly exited the bathroom.

You only managed to take a couple of steps, however, before your eyes were drawn to a familiar and beautiful side profile. You wished you didn’t know his face so well, because then you wouldn’t see Joel whispering something to a stunning woman you didn’t know at the far end of the room. She was hanging off his arm, bright eyes and a million-dollars smile directed solely at him. Joel appeared to be looking around, but a few seconds later he put his hand on the small of the woman’s back – just as he did earlier with you – and started walking. Neither of them looked your way before exiting through the front door and leaving the party.

As well as a gaping hole in your heart.

*****

A few minutes later you managed to find Angie. You were a mess at this point, barely able to stop yourself from sobbing. It was truly pathetic.

“I don’t know her name. But I saw them leaving, and she was hanging off his arm and–” you choked on your words and gave a humorless laugh. “God, I’m such an idiot.”

“I’m so sorry, hon.” Angie looked at you sadly. “We can ditch the party if you want. Go to my place and watch some movies,” she suggested gently, but you were already shaking your head.

“No, no. I’m fine, really, I… I think I'll just go home. But you should stay with your girlfriend.” Angie looked like she was about to protest, but you squeezed her hand reassuringly. “I promise I’m okay. I’m just gonna go straight back home and lock myself inside with a bowl of ice-cream. Or go to sleep.”

“I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“I… I think I need to.” You gave her a weak, sad smile, and stood up. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? You have fun, I don’t want to ruin your night, too.”

“You’re not ruining anythi–”

“I mean… this. All of this stuff with,” you swallowed heavily, “him.”

Angie still seemed unconvinced, but finally nodded after a while. “Alright. But come and get me if you feel worse.”

“I promise. Love you.”

“Love you, too. Take care of yourself, okay?”

You nodded, then went towards the side exit and out into the snowy night without looking back. You didn’t want to stay here and watch as all those happy couples share sweet kisses at midnight, thus reminding you of your heartbreak.

This time you had your coat on, but it was far too thin for this kind of weather. You wrapped it tighter around yourself and hid your hands in the pockets, starting to make your way home. It was a bit far from the main square, but you needed to get away from the music and laughter of the partygoers as quickly as possible.

Alas, you only managed to walk one street away when out of nowhere, a big hand grabbed your elbow, stopping you in your tracks. “Wait.”

You turned around and took a step backwards at the same time, freeing your arm with a strong tug. The words full of anger were ready to spill out of your mouth, but that was until you saw who stood in front of you with a painful expression.

The last person you expected to see here.

“Joel?” You whispered surprisedly and looked around, but there was no one else nearby. Not that strange woman you saw him with, at least. “What are you doing here?”

“I was lookin’ for you,” he rasped between gasps, like he ran all the way here. “You weren’t at the party.”

“Why were you… What are you doing here?” you repeated more coldly, the sight of him only making your fresh heartache so much more noticeable. “I thought you left.”

“M’so sorry.” Joel’s beautiful dark eyes were full of sadness and weariness. “I would have never left you if I could help it, darlin’.”

He took half a step forward and lifted his hand slightly to graze yours with his icy-cold fingertips. You weren’t wearing any gloves either, so his touch sent a jolt up your arm. You looked down at it, but gently moved your hand away. “I don’t understand. Didn’t you have a… date?”

“No.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. You avoided his eyes and instead watched as snowflakes landed and melted in his hair. “No, it was Tommy… You saw how drunk he was, and he wanted to set me up, insisted on talking to that girl, but I…”

“You should get back to her, then,” you said dryly, really not having strength to even hide how hurtful his mere presence was. You went past him, hiding your neck in your coat. “I don’t want to keep you from–”

“Darlin’, wait.” Joel grabbed your arm again, though still gently and without any force. “Listen, she was nice, but I told her that I can’t get involved in anythin’, because I…” He faltered slightly when you looked him in the eyes, for the first time since your talk on the terrace. “There is… it’s– fuck.” He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, as if gathering courage. “There is someone else,” he finally spoke, his voice almost trembling, and looked at you again, “that I’m madly in love with. And it’s you.”

Through the open door to the party someone shouted what sounded like the time, but it was all happening in the background of your mind. All you could focus on was Joel, standing so close to you and looking almost scared as he waited for your reaction.

Cold crept up your limbs and up to your cheeks while you tried to digest what the hell you just heard, but as if held by the invisible force of his gaze, you couldn’t move an inch.

“...what?”

“I… really, really like you,” Joel whispered, his dark and sad eyes drilling into your unbelieving ones. “I went to this party just to see you, darlin’. And I’d never chose to spend the evenin’ with anyone else but you. I’m so sorry I left you like that and…”

He then gulped and very slowly lifted his hand to your face, not fully cupping your cheek but hovering just above it. He searched your eyes, but when you didn’t back away, he touched your skin carefully, and an involuntary sigh escaped you as your eyes fluttered closed.

You never thought one could be touched with such care and fondness. No one has ever treated you like that before, like you were made of the most precious glass.

“You can tell me to fuck off,” Joel whispered, and you opened your eyes to find his face a little closer than before. “I just thought that maybe… if you would maybe, too…”

He was getting flustered again, and it was the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen. It must’ve been close to midnight now, because you noticed that the music stopped and the racket inside the building was at its peak, though it was hard to distinguish the words people were shouting when your heartbeat was almost deafening in your ears.

“But I saw you leaving with that woman.” You had to make sure you were on the same page with him before you did something idiotic. Again. “You aren’t…?”

“No,” Joel breathed a quiet chuckle and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, while his eyes danced across your face. “It’s only ever been you, darlin’.”

Then he must’ve heard something – his head turned to the side to look at where the party was still going on, before his eyes returned to you, and you felt his thumb swiping your cheek in an oh, so tender manner.

“May I?” he asked in a whisper, so close that his breath skimmed your parted lips. You hoped he was asking about what you thought, but this time wasn’t brave enough to ask and clarify.

So you just nodded.

And Joel leaned in, without any hurry, and kissed you.

It was fitting, you supposed, that only a couple of seconds later the clock chimed midnight, and shrieks of laughter and cheers filled the air while the people still present at the party celebrated loudly. You couldn’t care less, however, because in that moment, your entire world was Joel. His – still cold – hand caressed your scorching cheek, and the other found its place on your hip. The smell of him, the warmth with which his body radiated, and the feeling of his lips, rougher in touch than you’ve imagined, but still soft in movement – all of it together was almost overwhelming.

You parted after a while with blissful sighs, though didn’t move away – Joel still held you close, his forehead pressed to yours, and eyes shut tightly, as if he was in pain. He took a trembling breath when you touched his jaw with your icy fingers.

“Tell me to stop,” he pleaded in a murmur, taking you aback. “Sugar, if you don’t… Please, tell me to stop.”

You shook your head and held onto him tighter before he even finished.

“Please, don’t stop.”

Your lips clashed again, tongues meeting and dancing together, and it was the closest you’ve ever felt to any type of heaven in this cruel, forsaken world. Joel pulled you flush against him and kissed you again, more forcefully this time, tangling his fingers in your hair. You let out an involuntary moan, but his mouth swallowed the sound immediately, not giving you a split second of respite.

“I wanted to do it a year ago,” Joel muttered between the kisses, before he took your face in his hands to look you in the eyes properly. He smiled, that same adorable and boyish smile, when he saw how breathless and flushed you were. “Wanted to kiss you so much, sugar, but,” he obviously fought back a laugh at this point, his eyes crinkling, “you got wasted and puked your guts out just before midnight.”

“Oh my god.�� You didn’t know he saw it, particularly the moment when all the alcohol you consumed a year ago refused to stay in your stomach. “I wasn’t– I don’t usually… I got drunk ‘cause I saw Sheryll kissing you on the cheek,” you admitted with embarrassment, feeling your skin growing even hotter. “I thought you and her were together at that point…”

“But why did you get drunk because of it, sweet girl?” Joel mused, brushing his nose against yours and obviously teasing you. You snorted and shook your head.

“You know why.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

You playfully pushed him away lightly, but he tightened his grip around you, not letting you step away.

“You’re an asshole sometimes,” you whispered, making Joel chuckle. “Fine. I really wanted to kiss you, too. Happy?”

He smiled and kissed you again, softly and passionately this time, cradling your cheek in his palm.

“Very,” he whispered against your lips and dragged his nose up to plant a kiss on your forehead. “Very much, baby.”

Your heart fluttered with joy at his affectionate tone. Joel pulled away, his hands leaving your body to cover your own, situated on his jaw and arm.

“Now, what do you say we head back inside?” he asked with a disarming smile, brushing your knuckles with his thumbs. “And maybe you’ll let me ask you for a dance?”

You didn’t give an answer, but the joyous kiss you pressed to his lips – which, with your enthusiasm, almost made both of you topple over into the snow – spoke for itself.

#joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #joel miller #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #the last of us fanfiction #joel tlou #joel miller fluff

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cosmicdahlias · 4 months ago

Text

A Fatal Mistake

a ford x reader fic

MINORS DNI

Ford is being driven to the brink of insanity for betraying Bill, constantly possessed and harmed in every way possible. He’s been missing for days and you’re working to find him when he comes through the front door, looking incredibly worse for wear.

warnings: blood, injury, possession, oral, p in v, creampie, knives, death

i included one of my favorite astronomy facts! i loved astronomy in high school, it was actually one of the few classes i applied myself in. i was gonna give the ending my usual fluff treatment, but after reading the book of bill and seeing how dark things get in the lost journal pages i couldn’t help myself.

It had been days since you had seen your research partner, Ford. As of late disappearing for a day or two was commonplace for him, but it had been almost a week with no sign of him.

You never had any idea what he got himself up to when he took off like that. He’d come back with various injuries and when you tried to probe him for their source he always insisted he didn’t remember. Normally you’d think he was lying, but it genuinely seemed like he was telling the truth.

It killed you to see him like this. Not just because you cared for him as your research partner, but because you harbored deep feelings for him. You always had, ever since you met him all those years ago in college.

When he called you up asking for you to come work with him in a small town in Oregon, you happily agreed to it without a second thought. For the longest time it was just you and him, discovering and documenting the weirdness that inhabited Gravity Falls. There were so many times you wanted to tell him how you felt, but you were plagued with cold feet.

Years had passed when another brilliant mind joined the team after you’d both hit a roadblock in your studies. Ford had been struck with the idea, as if from nowhere, to build an inter-dimensional portal. You two were incredibly brilliant, but lacked the engineering skills to complete this monumental task on your own. Ford called up his old college roommate, Fiddleford McGucket, in Palo Alto. He eagerly accepted the offer, insisting Ford’s plans were “mathematically feasible!”

As much as you enjoyed Fiddleford’s company, any chance you’d had to confess your feelings to Ford fell by the wayside. Between diligent work and never being alone with him, you simply didn’t have the time.

After months of the three of you spending every waking moment on the portal, the time came to finally test it. Things went wrong, horribly wrong. The rope tied to the test dummy had wrapped around Fiddleford’s wrist, pulling him halfway through the portal. Ford’s and your quick thinking allowed you two to heave him back out. Ford tried to ask him what he had seen, but he rambled incomprehensible nonsense and said the machine would bring about the apocalypse. He quit on the spot.

What should have been a silver lining to have Ford to just yourself again did not turn out to be so. In the following days he became erratic, paranoid, overrun by sleep deprivation, constantly turning his head as if to sounds you could never hear. He was a shell of his former self, but you were determined to stick by him.

One morning he called you frantically, all you could make out was “Fiddleford was right”. He did not elaborate, insisting he had more to say to you in person. Alarmed by the obvious decline in his mental state, you raced over. He sat you down on his couch and explained everything.

He confessed that building the portal was not his idea, that he was instructed to do so by an otherworldly being by the name of Bill Cipher. He had trusted him, lured in by Bill stroking his admittedly massive ego, praising his high IQ, and promising him the secrets that would solve the mystery that was the weirdness of Gravity Falls. Bill said that the portal would be Ford’s magnum opus, a true conclusion to the answers he so desperately sought.

But it was all a lie. Bill needed the portal to link his dimension to yours so he could take over and establish a “Weirdmageddon”. A cataclysmic event that would turn all reason and logic on its head, it would spell the end to life and the universe as you knew it.

It was a lot to take in, but the look on Ford’s face told you that this was gravely serious. You took his word without question, vowing to put an end to Bill’s plans and destroy him at all costs. Within days the disappearances started to happen.

At first you wondered if these episodes were some kind bender, be it alcohol or drugs… or both. Perhaps a way to cope with the reality of being used as Bill’s pawn in a sick game of chess for the fate of the universe. But now you were certain there was something far more sinister at play.

It was a fairly common occurrence that you saw his eyes glow bright yellow, pupils catlike. His demeanor would shift and his voice would change in register, almost as if someone was speaking through him. During these instances it was like he became a different person, he was wild and unpredictable. He would say things to you either for shock value or in an overtly flirtatious manner just to see you turn red.

You had studied your fair share about demonic possession. With the way Ford had described previous moments where Bill had taken over, back when he still considered him his “Muse”, it was a no-brainer that Ford was once again being used by Bill. This time it was for his own sick enjoyment of making his former puppet suffer, a punishment for Ford’s betrayal.

You sat in the secluded cabin in the woods the two of you used to conduct research in, before things had become so tumultuous. Night had fallen and you were on the phone speaking to the GFPD.

“So you’re not going to send out someone to look for him until morning!? Why can’t you do it now? He hasn’t been seen in days! He could be-“

The front door swung open with an incredibly disheveled Ford standing in the doorway.

“FORD!” You shouted.

“Hello, hello?” The officer asked over the phone.

“He just walked in the door, sorry for all the trouble.” You said unceremoniously, slamming the phone.

“Where have you been? I was so worried!” You said.

Before Ford had a chance to respond he began to fall forward, you leapt to your feet and caught him before his face could make contact with the floor. You took his face in your hands and studied his eyes. They looked insanely bloodshot and exhausted, but thankfully normal.

“Ford, what the hell happened to you?”

“I- I don’t know.” He murmured faintly.

“Let me get you somewhere comfortable.”

You lifted him up, put your arm around his shoulders and led him back to his room, sitting him on the couch. You scanned him from head to toe. His white button-up shirt was torn with a long horizontal laceration across his chest, a ring of blood stained his shirt, it looked like he’d been attacked with a knife. You put a hand to his chest, he flinched.

“Oh, Ford. Who did this to you?”

“I can’t recall a thing. I remember nothing from the near week I was gone.”

“Regardless, I need to get you cleaned up. I’ll be right back.”

You headed to the bathroom where he kept a first aid kit in the medicine cabinet. You made your way back and sat next to him on the couch.

“This shirt’s gonna have to go.” You said, pulling scissors from the kit.

“I don’t think there’s any chance of salvaging it anyway.” He chuckled weakly.

You removed his tie and cut away at his shirt, sliding the remains off his arms and revealing his chest. With the shirt no longer obstructing your view you could see that the cut was deep, but thankfully not enough to require stitches. He had avoided a hospital trip… this time.

“You know, you’re probably gonna have to get a tetanus shot.” You said.

He laughed softly “I’ll take it over rabies shots, those are hell.”

You pulled out a small bottle of disinfectant and a cotton pad. He winced as you applied it to the gash.

“I’ll never get accustomed to this sensation.” He said through gritted teeth.

“I’d imagine obtaining the injury was far worse.”

“It’s a good thing I can’t remember it then.” He smiled sheepishly.

You unfurled a roll of gauze, pulling his back away from the couch and wrapping his chest.

“Ford, you have to tell me why you keep vanishing. I know you say you don’t remember, but I’m certain there’s more to it. I know it has something to do with Bill.”

He looked away, afraid to meet your gaze. You took his cheek in your hand, turning him to face you.

“Hey, I tell you everything, I know you can do the same for me.”

He put his hand over yours and took a deep breath. “I leave because I don’t want to put you in danger. On nights where I can no longer fight the exhaustion, Bill threatens me in my dreams- my nightmares. He wants to hurt you.”

“There has to be a way I can help keep him from taking over. Something, anything.”

“I wish I knew, but I… don’t. I feel like I’m slowly going insane, but at least if I’m away from you I can’t harm you.”

“I’m not letting you face this on your own, we’re a team and I’m not going anywhere. You scared me half to death over these last few days. I started to think I might’ve lost you. I’m not losing you again, not even for a second.”

“You don’t understand the violent things Bill wants me to do to you, to kill you.”

With stakes as high as they were you realized how foolish it was to keep secrets, even your feelings for him.

“No matter what happens, I’m staying. I love you, Ford.”

You leaned in and kissed him. When you pulled back he stared at you, blood rushing to his cheeks.

“You love me?” Ford he whispered.

“I have for over a decade.”

“I- I had no idea.”

“Well, you’re the smartest man I know, but you’re incredibly stupid when it comes to romance.” You laughed.

“Touché.” He smiled.

“Ford, I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I’ve wanted you for so lo-“

He cut you off by pulling you onto his lap and kissing you passionately.

“I love you too, stardust.”

Ah yes, the nickname he’d given you in college. You had told him a fact about how certain elements in human bodies only form from the death of a star. You told him “we are literally made of stardust” and the name stuck. He always said it in a way that came off platonically, but this time as it left his lips it was obvious the intent was vastly different.

He looked at you directly in the eyes, he hated eye contact so you knew you must’ve mattered to him a great deal.

“I’ve felt the same way for so long, I just never thought you did so I put my feelings aside, buried them deep. You have no idea how often my thoughts are occupied by you. There were so many times I would just watch you working, the way your brow furrows in concentration is adorable. I need you like a flower craves sunlight, like a fish to water.” He whispered.

You kissed him again, tangling your fingers in his hair. He lowered his mouth to your neck, kissing and sucking the skin. You ground yourself against him, eliciting a soft moan against your neck and causing him to grow achingly hard.

“God, I’ve wanted this since the day you came into my life.” He breathed.

You sunk to the floor in front of him and started undoing his belt. You unzipped his fly and pulled out his cock. Jesus christ, he was big. You stroked him a few times before taking him in your mouth.

“F- fuck, your mouth feels incredible.” He moaned.

You moved your head up and down his shaft, Ford whimpering far more than you had expected.

“Ah, hhhnh, don’t stop.” He whined.

He ran his fingers through your hair, moaning and softly bucking his hips into your mouth. He took great care to not move hard enough to make you gag. You picked up your pace, stroking him with your hand as you sucked.

“Nhhhh where did you learn to do something like that? You’re so good at this. Y- you’re gonna make me c- cum if you keep guh- going- ah- like that.” He stuttered.

You bobbed your head furiously on him. He tangled his fist in your hair and gently pulled your mouth off of him.

“N- no, stop. I need to feel myself inside you. Please?”

You nodded and he turned himself to lay back on the couch, you stood and slipped your panties off from under your skirt, dropping them to the floor. You got on top of him, straddling his hips and hovering over his cock. You lowered yourself to take his length inside you, now it was your turn to whimper as your pussy struggled to accommodate him.

“Dear moses, stardust, and I thought your mouth felt good. You’re heavenly. So warm and- mmh- tight.”

You slid him fully inside you, never feeling so filled by cock before in your life. He rested his hands on your hips and you began to move yourself on him. He threw his head back, already overwhelmed by the mere feeling of your pussy taking his cock.

He panted. “You can’t imagine the amount of times I’ve pictured something like this. How often you’ve distracted me from my work. The nights I’ve spent with my hand wrapped around my cock, the mere thought of you pushing me to orgasm. Oh stars, how I longed to know you intimately.”

He slipped a hand between your thighs, stroking your clit with his thumb, the other hand still holding your hip. You bit your lip, stifling what would have been an uncomfortably loud moan, tightening around him.

“Good girl, I love how my touch makes you constrict my cock.”

You became even tighter at his praise.

“Nnnnahhh, Ford.”

“Is that a praise kink I sense, stardust?”

You nodded fervently.

“That’s my girl, so needy for my words.”

You lifted and dropped your hips, sliding him fully in and out of you at a steady rhythm. His eyes rolled back into his head, completely overtaken by the pleasure of you. His breath was ragged, his eyes never leaving you, darting between your body and face.

“You’re so gorgeous, stardust. I’ve studied so many creatures over the years, seen the likes of sirens and nymphs, but you are by far the most enchanting.”

He reached up a hand to cup your cheek, you leaned into his touch. You felt yourself growing close between both his words and thumb on your clit. You made an attempt to tell him, but all that came out was unintelligible whimpering.

“Oh Ford, you’re- I’m gonna- ah- nhhhh.”

“That’s it, you’re such a good girl. Cum for me, you’re almost there.”

You absolutely lost it at his praise, digging your nails into his shoulders and riding him as hard as you possibly could until you came completely undone around him. The feeling of you spasming and contracting around him sent him over. He released your clit, both hands gripping your hips. He slammed you down onto the full length of his cock and came deep inside you.

“Dear god, y/n!” He half moaned, half whimpered.

Your pace died down and for a while you stayed on top of him. You both said nothing, just looking into each other’s eyes and panting as your heart rates settled. You leaned down, pressing a kiss to his lips and pulled yourself off of him. You laid down, Ford spooning you.

“In the name of all the stars in the known universe and beyond, you are absolutely incredible, stardust.” He sighed, content.

“I love you, Ford.” You said, eyelids growing heavy.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “I love you too, y/n.”

You both lay in silence, slumber embracing you. Bill knew it was now or never. He took control of Ford and silently moved him off the couch so as to not wake you. He led him to the kitchen, pulling out a large knife. He crept back into the room where you slept, looming over you.

You stirred. “Mnh, Ford? What are you-“

Your eyes widened in terror as you caught sight of the knife in his hand, his eyes glowed unnaturally in the dim light. Adrenaline rushed through your veins, you bolted off the couch and ran for your life. You burst through the front door and took off into the forest, the light of the full moon being the only thing to keep you from crashing into the trees.

A constant crunching of snow behind you was a strong indicator that Ford was pursuing you. Tears streamed down your face. You said you would stand by him no matter what and now you were paying the price for thinking with your heart.

You looked back to see if you were still being followed, but didn’t see him. Before you could even turn your head again you collided with something, falling to the ground. You looked up and your heart sank. Ford grinned with a smile so wide it looked as if the corners of his mouth would split open.

“Hey there, dollface. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.”

Ford came to god knows how much later. He blinked, vision blurry, as it always was after Bill had taken hold. He could see a figure lying in the snow and as his eyes began to focus he screamed in horror.

You lay before him, your body stabbed near beyond recognition, an immense pool of blood stained the fresh snow. There was no way to bring you back, you were gone. A page ripped from Ford’s journal laid on top of you.

“Did you really think I’d let you have your happy ending with your little ‘stardust’? It’s just us now, sixer, I’m all you’ll ever need.”

#gravity falls #ford pines #ford pines x reader #ford pines fanfic #ford pines smut #my fics

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