#anyways. these are our thoughts on the matter

[star-anise]

Disclaimer: I like Anita Sarkeesian.

But also, I just saw a writeup of a Youtuber whose content has come a long way from his Gamergate days, and to explain that, the wiki says, "Anita Sarkeesian is a radical feminist who created a webseries about sexist tropes in video games"

AHAHAHAHAHA ANITA SARKEESIAN, RADICAL FEMINIST

HOO HEE EXCUSE ME THAT'S A GOOD ONE

Radical feminist. Feminist extremist. Anita Sarkeesian.

Anita Sarkeesian did her Master's Thesis in Social and Political Thought in 2010 on the trope of the "Strong Woman" in fantasy and science fiction TV shows, and produced Tropes vs Women, a series of online videos breaking down her work in a way that was accessible to a lay audience. She found a ready audience in geek feminist circles, since this was exactly the kind of thing we wanted and needed right then.

Tropes vs Women was extremely bog-standard cultural critique, what you'd find expressed in discussion between scholars of literary theory or media analysis anywhere, and exactly what 99% of feminists were saying at the time. It certainly talked about patriarchy as the complex system of sexism fused into our cultural matrix, so it's not like it wasn't radical feminism from that viewpoint, but it wasn't "radical" by way of being especially militant. Sarkeesian frequently pointed out how individual occurrences of a trope weren't harmful in themselves, but that a media landscape completely saturated with only that trope and nothing but that trope is, in the aggregate, a big feminist issue.

And the internet

HAAAAAAAATED

her for it.

Like, geek feminists got flak a lot anyway, especially when we wanted things like properly enforced policies against sexual harassment at science fiction conventions. And yeah, there totally were toxic keyboard warriors who said stuff about all men being scum - but Sarkeesian wasn't one of them.

It's probably because of her succinct, matter-of-fact, "this is not a debated issue, feminists have decades of theory and research to back this point up, sources abound if you google for thirty seconds so I won't stop to baby you through all the fundamental concepts" approach that she got such a big reach. She was calm, concise, coherent, and rational, everything feminists are told we need to be.

Unfortunately that just made her seem... attackable, I think. A good target, not actually scary or impassioned, unlikely to respond to violence with violence. The perfect kind of person to play five seconds of, and then spend the next five minutes yelling into your mic because IF ANITA IS RIGHT ABOUT VIDEO GAME SEXIST YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS SEXIST AND SEXISM IS SYSTEMIC AND ENDEMIC TO ALL OF WESTERN CULTURE AND OTHER CULTURES TOO, WHICH IS CLEARLY RIDICULOUS, ANITA LADY BAD.

She literally spent five solid years as Enemy #1 in online geek spaces. It was completely insane. I am so sorry she had to take the brunt of it, and yet grateful that she did. She held the line and took the shit and kept doing good decent feminist work for years after, though she did admit to burnout and closed up shop on her nonprofit org Feminist Frequency in 2023. I hope to hell she's having a good day.

But even now, more than a decade later, dudes talk about her as though she were Geek Feminist Godzilla, the biggest baddest woman in the universe, off to lay waste to downtown Video Games and cut everybody's balls off.

When people (mostly dudes, but not all) talk like this, it's just very funny and unintentionally revealing because of the absolute averageness of her third-wave, trans-inclusive, western-centric, intersectional feminism. It makes them look absolutely pathetic.

Because it just makes it clear that she is probably the first and last self-described feminist the speaker has ever paid attention to.

[pboogerswbb]

SO IT GOES - chapter 6

Paige Bueckers x oc Warnings: language, sexual content and language, being sick? overthinking? p being melodramatic Wordcount: 4.4K A/C: was feeling inspired :)) anyway pls be patient with me posting, i'm applying to schools rn!! anyway this went a direction i hadn't planned but... uhh... i have no excuses i was going with the flow. anyway enjoy x (also what a scare yesterday just hoping p is doing fine and i'm sure everything's okay!)

-

Before London

You need a ride to work tmr?

I don’t but thank you x

My eyes roam the texts as they had repeatedly since last night, trying to decipher each letter as if some ancient code I couldn’t understand. Is she seriously gonna be like that? Like she wasn’t the one who pulled me in. She kissed me. Why was she taking it out on me now? I don’t got time for this anyway, to be stressing about something like this. 

I hadn’t seen Izara since Saturday, not at work, not in the apartment building, hell, I’d even gone to the gym every morning praying that she might show up but it was as if the girl had disappeared from the face of the earth. I knew she was avoiding me, and I guess she had reason but fuck, I thought she’d be better than that. Not a word since Saturday, other than those strange cryptic texts. Fine. Be that way.

“My favourite girls!!” Trey’s voice blatantly interjects my spinning thoughts as me, Arike, Satou and Lou are sat at a circular table, eating lunch. Not that I had been eating per say, more so poking my fork here and there trying to stomach a piece of chicken now and then. The heaviness in the pit of my stomach made it hard to eat at all.

I lift my eyes, hoping Izara would be trailing behind the man as usual. But it’s Ava instead, holding a notepad and taking quick steps to keep up. I mean I knew it wasn’t Iz before even looking up - there was an uncomfortable void of heels tapping against the hardwood as the pair approach us eagerly.

“Oh hey!” Lou smiles from her chair next to me. “What’s up?”

“So we were thinking,” Trey starts, leaning forward against the table. “If y’all could film some clips answering comments on your own since our dear Zari isn’t here.”

“Uh, where is she anyway?” I ask as casually as I can - though the way everyone’s heads snap to me tells me it was a feeble attempt.

Trey’s dark brown eyes study me for a while with an expression I can’t quite read before answering. “She’s home sick, poor girl.”

Bullshit. She’s trying to avoid me, I know it. I can’t believe it, I thought she would be more mature than this, than faking being “sick” just to get away from an awkward conversation with me. Why was she assuming how I felt anyway? Like the kiss mattered to me? Like I’d want more?

I mean all that was true. God did it matter and God did I want, no, need more. Much more. But she didn’t know that, so why was she assuming. I thought we were friends. You know what this is? Bad friendship.

“Oh damn, hope she feels better,” Arike answers for me, noticing the way I’m gone in my thoughts.

“Y-yeah for sure,” I mumble, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I’mma go to the weight room.”

I place the fork down on my half eaten plate harshly, getting up abruptly making my irritation quite clear to everyone around me.

“Paige you gotta eat a little more,” Lou encourages but I shake my head.

“Nah, m’ not hungry,” I murmur and take my plate back, preparing to take out my aggravation at some weights, ignoring the way Arike and the rest of the girls eye me as I walk away.

-

“So how are we feeling about the first game soon?” My dad’s voice echoes through the speaker but I barely hear him, pacing my apartment’s living room. Truthfully I hadn’t thought much about the upcoming game. I knew that was bad. That I should be ecstatic, or scared as hell, but I didn’t feel anything else besides the dread of what happened between me and Iz. 

Matter of fact, I hadn’t been able to think of anything else but the way she looked all night, the way her green smoked out eyes twinkled at me, the way she threw her head back when she laughed at my jokes, when she pressed her front against me. The way her full breasts felt against my chest, the way her round ass felt under my hands. God, the whimper she let out when I squeezed it as gently as I could.

“Paige?”

“Uh what?” I mumble, ears burning, completely forgotten about the call with my dad.

“What’s going on with you?” His secure, steady voice asks, grounding me.

“Nothin’ dad,” I murmur, rubbing my eyes and looking out the window into the street, eyeing every dark haired woman just in case they were Izara.

“Paige Madison.”

I groan. I might be 23-years-old but my dad’s stern voice turns me into a teenager without fail each time.

“You’re comin’ to the first game still, right?”

“Yes, of course,” he says, like it’s obvious. “Why?”

“Nothin’, just miss you,” I mumble, coming up with an excuse for my low mood - though it wasn’t far off. Everytime I felt sad or anxious I just wanted my dad.

“I miss you too, kid. You know you just say the word and I’m there, okay?”

“No I know, I know. I’m just tired I think,” I sigh, my chest warming at my dad’s comforting words.

“Uh oh,” he starts. “Paige Madison… Don’t tell me.”

“Huh? Tell you what?”

“Is this about a girl?” He asks.

I pause, coming to a halt with my pacing. “Hu- I- What?!”

“You always say “I’m just tired” when you got a girl on your mind,” my dad laughs, doing a horrible impression of me.

“No!” I argue a little too fast and a little too passionately. “I mean, no. Just tired. Long practice.”

“Mhm alright,” my dad mumbles, an amused tone in his voice that irritates me in a way only a parent could. “So no girl?”

“No dadddd,” I whine like a teenage girl. “There’s no girl.”

I didn’t like lying to him. I wanted to tell him all about Izara. I knew my dad would adore that girl. He always said I needed a woman to keep me in check - Izzie did just that. But I also didn’t want to tell my dad about this girl knowing it likely wasn’t going to go anywhere, especially now that she had been hiding from me since our kiss.

“Okay dad tell Drew I said hi and I’ll play Fortnite with him tomorrow,” I say into the phone, ready to hang up.

“Okay kid, love you.”

“Love you dad.”

The silence is deafening, again. Like it used to be before I became friends with Iz. I felt alone, anxious, my head spinning with thoughts I couldn’t turn off. I thought she was mature enough to handle this like two adults. If she just wanted to be friends then she could just tell me, at least we could continue our friendship like that.

But usually when I kissed a girl, they didn’t run away like this. Quite the opposite. Did she not like the way I kissed? Was I off my game? Maybe the tongue was too much? Maybe she didn’t like my outfit. I’m a good kisser, I know I am. Good enough to get girls into bed with ease. So what is the trouble now? And I also know that that was the best kiss I had ever had. That our lips fit together just right. Fuck this girl had me going out of my mind. And now I just had to wait for her to reach out, it didn’t feel fair.

No. It wasn’t fair. Why did I have to wait for her? Who said I had to? Fuck that.

Too frenzied to even throw a shirt over my sports bra, I walk downstairs determined, knocking on Izara’s door angrily, preparing a speech of everything I’d been thinking the past few days: Look, Izzie, we’re both adults. You clearly think the kiss was a mistake. But avoiding me and acting like this is ridiculous and stupid and we don’t need to be acting like teenage-

“Paige?” 

Izzie opens the door, voice weak and nasally. She’s in a pale pink pyjama set, hair up in a clip and nose red and irritated. She wasn’t lying. Definitely not. She is sick. 

Quick, improvise.

“Uh, hey,” I mumble, my cheeks turning pink, her red eyes staring up at me reminiscent of Saturday night and the moments before our kiss on the balcony. “Trey told me you were sick.”

She chuckles, looking down at her dishevelled appearance and returns her gaze to me. “How did you know,” she jokes. She’s acting like nothing happened between us. How could she act like that? I guess it’s better than if she actually had been avoiding me.

“Was worried, haven’t seen you since… The party,” I say unsurely.

“Uh… Yeah. Crazy party huh,” Izzie says almost to herself. “Well, anyway, thanks for checking in but I’m perfectly okay. Just a cold and I think it’s passing.”

She begins to close the door but I grab it, holding it open.

“You been resting?” I ask concerned.

The girl shrugs. “Well at first but now I’m just getting bored so I’ve been doing some work from home.”

“Izzie…”

“What?”

“You gotta be restin’ if you’re sick,” I argue, which makes the girl roll her eyes.

“I’m fine Paige,” she answers, but I step inside.

“Let me in.”

“No, you’ll get sick,” she complains but I shake my head.

“I won’t. I’m built different.”

Izzie laughs, deciding it was pointless to try to argue and lets me in.

Her apartment is spotless as always, laptop open on her dining table with schedules and notebooks piled next to it. This bitch hadn’t been resting, no she’s been working and cleaning.

“Izzie!” I groan and close the laptop.

“Shoes! Shoes shoes shoes!” She yelps, voice breaking as she does. 

“‘M sorry!” I gasp and take my sneakers off quickly, placing them neatly by the entrance. I feel her eyes fixed on me. 

“Do you ever wear a shirt?” She asks, blowing her stuffy nose, which makes me let out a single laugh.

“Why, you want me to?” I ask confidently, easily falling into the same effortlessness as before.

My words make the girl blush. Perhaps the kiss wasn’t that bad? Fuck, I don’t know. Maybe I should just ask… Ask what?! If the kiss was good?! Bro… Get a grip.

“Well you’re going to get cold, it’s freezing here,” she tells me, turning away and walking to the couch where pillows are neatly arranged, an expensive looking blanket neatly folded on the armrest. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it definitely was not cold, that her apartment was scorching hot already making me sweat.

“Yo, you’re kidding right?” I laugh as I watch her somewhat pitifully curling up against the corner of the couch on her single throw pillow.

“What?”

“Iz, you’re sick!”

“Wow, thanks for rubbing it in my face,” she says nasally, blowing her nose again.

“Bro, that pillow is just sad! You need a nest,” I gasp, walking to her bedroom.

“Wait wait wait, it’s a mess in there,” she yelps, following after me. Mess, it is not. There is one hoodie on the bed, which is unmade. That’s it. I pull the heavy blanket off her bed, grabbing all four pillows and walking decisively to the couch with the dark-haired girl on my tail.

“What are you doing?” She asks as I begin to set up each pillow into a nest against the corner of the couch. She’s grabbing my arm and peeking at my actions from behind my back, clearly confused.

“I’m makin’ you a nest,” I explain, brows furrowing as I focus. This is serious business. “My stepmom does this when we’re sick.”

“A nest?” Izzie laughs.

“Yeah, get in,” I order, grabbing the girl’s shoulders and sitting her down. “Now lie back. Get comfy.”

Hesitating for a moment, Izzie curls up against the pillows as I place the blanket over her, watching as she gets comfortable with a smile on her face.

“There you go,” I coo, trying her forehead which is burning hot. “You have a fever Iz, I’m gonna get you some meds.”

“Paige, you don’t have to do this,” she sighs, looking up at me softly. I want to lean down and kiss her again. Instead, I bring my hand to her warm cheek, stroking it softly. She looks vulnerable, gentle for once. It made me want her even more.

“Lemme take care of you ma.”

She doesn’t comment on the nickname, matter of fact there’s a hint of a smile on her face when she nods. 

“The cabinet above the microwave.”

“Got it,” I tell her, pretty much scurrying to the kitchen, gathering everything you could think - water, painkillers, nose spray, I even cut up some fruit for her. But when I return the poor girl is in her nest, cuddled up, fast asleep. It hurts my heart to wake her up, but she needs these meds in her.

“Iz,” I murmur carefully, brushing dark locks away from her face. She blinks herself awake, rubbing her face. Everything about it makes me want to wrap her in my arms and never let anyone close in case they hurt her. 

“Fuck, I fell asleep,” she yawns. “I’m sorry I’m a mess.”

“You’re sick ma,” I remind her, sitting next to the girl on the couch and watching as she takes her medicine.

“This is so embarrassing,” she murmurs, sipping on the glass of water. Her cheeks are bright red, hair undone and eyes tired - I swear it’s the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her look.

“Izara,” I say sternly. “You’re sick, lemme help.”

“You’re gonna get sick too, and you have your first game soon love.”

“I’ll be fine, I got mad immune system powers.”

She giggles. “Immune system powers?”

“You heard,” I nod, fighting a grin. She coughs a little.

“Paige?”

Oh God. She’s gonna bring up the kiss now. I know it. I can feel it.

“Y-yeah?”

She takes a deep breath. “Can we watch Lady and The Tramp?”

-

“How are you already crying?” Paige asks with a giggle, leaning against the opposite corner of the couch. 

“Lady as a puppy always makes me cry! How could it not?” I sniffle, wiping my nose, watching the scene where Lady doesn’t want to sleep in her dog bed, the poor puppy crying for her dad. 

The blonde is chewing on an apple in her sports bra and black Nike sweats, muscles grown more prominent over her training period with the Wings, arms bigger, shoulders wider, outline of the muscles on her abdomen faintly visible even as she slouches. 

“What kinda names are Darling and Jimmy Dear anyway?” She asks, dramatically frustrated.

“Paige, you’re slow,” I laugh. “Lady thinks those are their names because they call each other those as like, pet names darling.”

The blond thinks for a while, and then grins. “Oh.”

We both burst into a choir of laughter, though it feels rough against my scratchy throat. Still, I could feel the medication already making me feel better. Or maybe it was the company.

My mind had been a mess after I escaped the party. I felt embarrassed, childish even for running away like I did, leaving Paige high and dry. Once I woke up the next morning it was hard to figure out what truly happened and what was my mind playing tricks on me. But I knew the kiss really took place the moment I remembered it, the weight of Paige’s kiss a mere memory on my lips. One wouldn’t forget a kiss like that. It was impossible.

Getting sick had been a lucky coincidence, giving me time to think and take some distance from the situation. I found it impossible to figure out where my desire for Paige and desire for physical contact differed. I couldn’t tell if I was just lonely. Or if I really liked her. I never considered it, me having feelings (if you could call it that) for a girl again. But now as she sat there, looking like that, I wanted nothing but to get on her. To climb onto her lap and kiss her again like we had on the balcony. Without the drunken hue, just us feeling each other.

Even as sick as I am, the familiar burn and ache that always showed up around the blonde begins to grow between my legs, making me squirm. Fuck, maybe I did like her. All I knew I definitely wasn’t in a place to start anything - that no matter what this was it would have to stay casual. I haven’t gotten rid of the ghost of my past relationship. No, not at all. I could see it looming around every corner, peeking through windows, just right outside my line of vision. I wasn’t ready.

Paige’s hand comes over to my bare feet poking out of the blanket, bringing them to her lap and beginning to rub them almost as if subconsciously, like unaware of the entire thing. Except her cheeks turn red as she does. My entire body relaxes, and I let her. For almost half of the movie she massages each toe, the arch of my foot, my ankle, leaving goosebumps everywhere. 

“I’m cold,” I complain, pulling my feet back under the blanket, feeling like a block of ice.

“I’m so hot,” Paige groans, now more invested in the movie, making small comments here and there.

“Lucky,” I groan which makes her snicker.

“Scooch,” The blonde tells me. Before I can resist she’s made her way under the blanket, into the nest, lying behind me and wrapping an arm around my waist. I fit in her arms perfectly, like I was made to be her counterpart, born to be in her arms like this, every curve of her body slotting with mine just right. My ass pressing into her, the blonde’s chin brushing against my shoulder, hot breath tickling against my ear nearly making me moan. Fuck.

“I- I thought you were hot,” I mumble, beginning to lose my composure.

“But you’re cold,” she murmurs into my ear, nose nuzzling into my hair as we keep watching the movie. Though I can’t concentrate. Even on my favourite movie. My head spinning too fast, speeding up even more when my pyjama top hikes up and Paige’s fingertips rub circles against my lower stomach, dangerously close to dipping into my pyjama pants.

“P-paige,” I almost whisper, my voice coming out breathy.

“Mhm?” The blonde’s voice is shaky too, a hoarse hum straight into my ear making me even wetter than I already am.

“You’re gonna get sick,” I remind her, my chest heaving.

“I’m good,” she breathes out, shifting a little, her head fitting just in the crook of my neck. Perfectly. “Are you?”

She’s asking for consent, I can tell. To dip her fingers underneath the band, to slide them into my panties. And God I want to give it to her. To let her have her way with me. The temptation is growing nearly impossible to resist.

“I-” I nearly say it. But then I shift to my back, to meet her gaze. Paige’s face is flushed, nostrils flaring as she breathes, hand remaining on my bare stomach. “How are you feeling about the game?”

“Oh, uhh,” Paige is taken aback, pulling her hand back to my dismay, bringing it to her jaw and rubbing it. “I mean, I haven’t really thought about it if I’m honest? I’m excited to see my dad and Dorka.”

“She went to Uconn with you, right?”

The blonde nods. “I mean issa big moment for sure, but I just wanna take it one day at a time.”

I hesitate. “Are you not nervous at all?”

She lets out a single laugh and looks around the room. “Nah I am. Just tryna keep my mind off it.”

I nod, understanding. I wish I could carry some of her worry, I could tell she was more nervous than she let on. But instead of talking I slide my hand into hers, which seems to comfort the girl more than words, her blue eyes locking with mine. She’s thinking, mulling something over in her head. I can tell.

“The party… Iz, I-”

“Shh,” I tell her before she can keep going, my throat going dry, the ache between my thighs nearly painful. I wasn’t ready to talk, at all. All I wanted was to feel it again, the weight of her lips on mine. So bad I felt dizzy.

“Nah, Izzie, c’mon. I think we both feel we-”

“Paige?”

“Yeah mama?”

“Kiss me.”

-

It makes no sense. But I don’t hesitate. Leaning down, my lips crashing into hers with such hunger it makes me uncharacteristically whine. My body is on fire, every inch burning up as our lips slide against one another, boxers growing damp quickly. My hand carefully holds her cheek, like the girl next to me might break. But to my surprise she pulls me on top of her by the back of my head.

I’m tasting for every inch of her, slowing down and taking my time, unlike that drunken mess on the balcony. Somehow this is even better, the kiss of the century even. Her body is cool to the touch, a sign of the fever going down. But I barely register, kissing her bottom lip affectionately, my hands holding her face. Izzie responds, her teeth pulling on my lip harshly making me groan. Her warm tongue brushes over it, soothingly.

I open my mouth further, my tongue meeting hers, other hand moving to the bare waist of the girl underneath me. I can’t believe this is real. That I’m kissing Izara. It feels like some type of dream, but the ache between my legs proves that every second is real. That she’s really underneath me. And If I’m feeling my core throbbing just from the kiss, I’m certain the dark haired girl feels something similar and the idea of my girl feeling such pain and not having it taken care of breaks my heart.

So my thumb dips underneath the band of her satin pyjama pants, feeling the lace of her underwear as it does. Zari lets out a shaky whimper, her eyes fluttering open.

“Paige,” she whines, brows furrowing.

“Yeah?” I ask breathlessly, leaning down to kiss under her ear which makes her squirm under my weight.

“C-can you keep your hands,” another moan as I suck on her neck, careful not to leave a mark. Izara didn’t seem like the type of woman you marked. “On top of the clothes.”

God she’s gonna be the death of me. But I oblige happily, pulling my hand back to her bare waist.

“Whatever you want Izzie,” I say between ragged breaths, making the girl moan as I keep kissing her neck. Izara’s hands wrap around my back, long acrylics scratching at the skin there.

“Shit,” I cuss under my breath, feeling like I might die or cum in my pants if I don’t get to have her. Still, I keep kissing her, fully aware what a privilege it was just to be on her like this. I do everything to try to stay composed, to keep my cool, to focus on putting on my best show as I return back to sloppily kissing her lips, shifting on top of her, my other hand beside Izzie’s face to hold me up. 

As I move my hips, my knee presses into her core, against the sheer fabric of the pajamas making her gasp straight into my mouth. I repeat the movement with purpose now, and can feel the heat radiating off her, the fabric between her legs growing damp. She wants this just as bad as I do.

“Lemme keep going, please,” I whimper, brows furrowed and barely conscious of what is happening at this point. “Lemme help ma, won’t even touch you.”

Her face is contorted with need, chest heaving desperately. 

“It hurts don’t it? Lemme help,” I coo, my lips wrapping around her earlobe and sucking softly. “Please.”

“Paige,” she whimpers, her body shaking with need. But I feel her shift, legs wrapping around my body. “Please.”

Oh God, I might actually cum in my sweats.

I kiss her all over, her neck, bare shoulders, mind spinning with need, my cunt growing wetter and wetter with every moan that leaves Izzie’s lips as I push my knee against her core, gently, so as to not hurt her.

“P-paige,” she moans my name. My name. 

“Ohh fuck,” I cuss, squeezing my eyes shut at the way her voice sounds, deep and gravelly, turning more high-pitched each time I grind my knee into her cunt.

“Let me get you right ma, please,” I beg breathlessly, shaking my head to myself trying to keep myself present. “Please, Iz, would do anything to fuck you,”

She’s speechless, whimpering desperately, but I can feel her muscles turning tense from the pleasure I’m giving her, legs shaking gently.

“Would be so good, just lemme eat that pussy,” I moan into her ear. “Gimme five.”

Pulling back, I meet her gaze. Her contorted face, dark brows furrowed and lips parted, green eyes blown out black. This is the most beautiful she has ever looked. Easily. Could look at her like this forever.

I can tell she’s considering, mulling it over in her head. Just as her lips part the ring of her phone interrupts the moment, the obnoxious sound blaring over the movie playing in the back. Of course. I can never have anything good. Just little tastes.

“Fuck,” Izzie mumbles and abruptly sits up as if suddenly thinking clearly. I climb off her, watching as she fumbles to find her phone.

“Here,” I catch it, handing it to her. It’s Kiran, her brother.

“Fuck, I promised I’d help him with his paper,” she groans, still trying to catch her breath.

“Uh, okay,” I murmur, attempting to catch mine, awkwardly shifting further on the couch, watching as the girl gets up and walks into the bedroom, closing the door behind her, leaving me there once again. Wanting more.

-

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[sanemistar]

★ a messy breakup

contents ★ toji x fem!reader, angst, established relationship ends with a messy breakup. 0.6k+ wc.

back: toji m.list ★ jjk m.list

for quite some time now, your relationship with toji has been pretty shaky and intense. the two of you have been very on and off, breaking up only to get back together shortly after. with arguments between you and him becoming more frequent, mainly due to his lack of responsibility and his gambling habits which lead him to make poor financial decisions. but because you still love him, you have been telling yourself that you can handle it, and that things will get better eventually as he keeps promising you that he’ll stop and change. but he wasn’t able to keep any of his promises to you. not a single one, and you reach a point where you’re just done with hearing empty words and promises.

you decide to put an end to this once and for all.

“toji, we need to talk.” you sternly say and he walks over to you nonchalantly. you bite your lower lip seeing his careless attitude, questioning your own feelings for him. has this really been the man you loved this whole time? and for the first time, you feel like you’re with someone you don’t know. because the man next to you right now can’t be the one you fell in love with.

“why the serious face, babe? you know you’ll get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that.” he asks sarcastically, and you feel anger boiling inside you.

“can’t you just be serious for a second? you know what’s going on.” you angrily reply back, not taking any more of his carelessness. you let a heavy sigh escape your lips as you take a deep breath. you’ve made up your mind.

“you know what? i’m done. with everything.” you pause momentarily before you proceed.

“for years now, i’ve endured so much. i’ve been paying all the bills and managing our finances for the last few years when you’ve been wasting your money on gambling. i’ve been trying to convince myself that you would change and be better for the sake of our future together, but you never did. i can’t take it anymore, let’s break up, for real this time.” you finally say it, you can’t believe you really said that you wanted to break up with toji, the man you once thought was the love of your life and the one that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

at this point, you expect him to ask you to change your mind and give him another chance like he always does. but to your surprise, his reaction is different this time around, like he doesn’t even care anymore.

“yeah, we should have called it quits years ago.” toji’s words pierce through your heart like a cold, sharp knife. to hear him let go of you without a second thought and with absolutely no hesitation has never been something you expected. this relationship has meant nothing to him now, has it?

you’re hurt, it really hurts to end things with someone you’ve spent so much time with. but you don’t allow yourself to show any signs of weakness in front of him, you don’t allow him to see you cry over him no matter how much you really want to.

“you’re right, i shouldn’t have given you all these chances back then.” you say.

“maybe.” he mumbles under his breath and you watch him walk to your now previously shared bedroom to pack his things and leave, which should be quick since he doesn’t have that much anyways.

once he’s done with the packing, he silently leaves just like that. not even looking back once last time, nothing. just then, you cry your heart out. releasing all the stress and tension that has been building up inside you this entire time as you mourn the end of a relationship that once was everything to you.

and for the first time in your life, you experience what it feels like to have your heart broken by the one you loved the most.

𝜗𝜚 taglist: @unriding @lxnarphase @sylusdoll @satorurize @itoshivy @17020 @luv-lies @suguru-getos @kasukuna @hellokittyish @gojoscinnamonroll

[conkreetmonkey]

I mean it wasn't really "in disgrace" he never apologized for anything lmao Anyone else remember his YouTuber-ass "hi guys, I screwed up" apology video from a few months(?) ago where he literally did the *walks into room, sits in chair in front of desk-mounted camera to try to appear candid* thing (during which he never actually apologized for anything and kept insisting he HAD avoided a recession and saved the economy, despite his failure to do that being what he was "apologizing" for)? And then he very transparently tried to buy our votes by announcing he was getting rid of sales tax out of nowhere, and then just... resigned anyway?? Has he ever had a plan??? Is he flying by the seat of his pants???? Fuck, the conservatives are gonna win, aren't they... all but like one party is conservative anyway, so it's all but guaranteed. How do we have so many parties and ALL of them suck, like come on is ANYBODY EVER going to address the housing crisis and admit the economy isn't "booming" and the job market isn't "soaring" and there is no "labor shortage" but actually a WAGE SHORTAGE and MONOPOLY PROBLEM, and that the current immigration system is extremely exploitative in that it relies on luring people in with false promises only to trap them in shitty abusive low-wage jobs in a country where a shoebox studio apartment with mold is optimistically $1,250 a month before utilities, and a basic fast food combo is $17.50 before tax??? Sorry to rant. Just... ugh. I really thought Singh would be alright, but apparently he joined up with Trudeau, so now like... at the polls his year, do I pick: 🍁the "everything will continue to slowly fall apart while we twiddle our thumbs and insist everything is fine" party 🍁 the "we will accelerate the rate at which everything falls apart lol fuck you I hate you" party 🍁 the "we're GREEN but not really, and also like we're actually the "make everything Christian" party but don't really say it out loud lol" party 🍁 the "please let Quebec be its own country please oh please oh please oh ple--" party (Americans, think Texas seperatists, but with a bilingual twist) 🍁 the "we're the people's party, we're for the people! Anyway so like first we need to bring back conversion therapy, completely disregard the environment, fuck immigrants, fuck trans people, also we need to restart the abortion debate guys--" party This country is fucking BONED. Like, we're not actively death rattling and hacking up chunky blood like America is, and I think we tend to rest on our laurels because we'll always look good in comparison to that, because... we're almost just as fucked. Just absolutely "maybe it can theoretically be salvaged, but at this point it'd take a miracle" tier, double-decker triple-bypass FUCKED. Every one of these parties will make things far worse if elected. There are no good options. It's going to be 4 years of decline no matter what, the only question being how far and fast we go down into the sewer. ...unrelated, but any Europeans looking to marry a stranger rn?

[aychama]

Can we get more catnip story’s?

Alrighty!

Heket nudged her only little brother to listen to what Shamura was saying to them in the carriage.

"-since you three aren't old enough yet you will only be allowed to watch from the sidelines." Shamura finished cleaning the final arrowhead they needed for the hunting competition.

"No need to fret my dear young siblings! You get to watch me and Shamura show off our expertise in catching our prey!" Kallamar beamed with confidence not noticing Shamura's competitive side glance.

"Booo! Boring!" Leshy yelled with a pout, jumping up with the carriage as the sturdy wheels hit a small bump. The newly crowned worm was pretty small and light after all.

“I wanna join too! Let us wield weapons too!” Leshy continued, not caring one bit about the warning Shamura had just given younger ones.

“We could get injured during this hunt.You must listen more carefully brother.” Heket laid back with a straight posture exuding a solemn light. If only one of her four eyes weren't looking for approval from Shamura, she would look like a model lady every noble wished to have as a daughter. 

“Ugh, yuck! You are a frog, why are you trying to act like a swan?” Heket’s red skin darkened “Wha- You little-!” She clutched her dress as she yelled flusteredly. 

A light chuckle sounded from her right. She turned to the mocking sound with slight surprise and annoyance “Don't laugh at me you three eyed freak!”

The chuckling from him stopped as the irritated thumps of Narinder tail took its place.

But before he could fight with his sister for the fifth time today, Kallamar cut in.

“You three are the future kings of your respectful kingdoms. You must learn to not fight with each other for any little word any of you utter can be used against you.” Kallamar lectured as he usually did. 

Teaching his little siblings to be civil had turned out to be more of a hassle than he originally thought it would be, he was the only one born into nobility among his siblings after all so it was only natural that he would be the one to teach them about the rules of courtesy and the heaviness their roles held. 

“If you aren't gonna give us big weapons, at least give us knives so we can play!” Leshy did not relent.

“Dear brother it is not-” Kallamar was cut short with the rustling by his side as Shamura tossed a sheathed hunting knife at the youngest of the five. Despite being eager, Leshy was caught off guard and almost dropped it. Almost.

Everyone's demeanor in the carriage changed into one of alert with Shamura’s move.

“Shamura, why would you give him a knife! It could be dangerous!” Kallamar half got off of his seat as he panicked. Leshy took the knife out of its sheath and started inspecting it with his small hands. Both Heket and Narinder, despite their previous spat, scooched over to look at the knife as well. 

“We are kings brother, we deserve what we want and we must get it no matter what.” Shamura said matter of factly as Kallamar deflated.

“W-well yes. But he is still a child-”

“They will learn to transform their crowns soon anyway brother. They should know their way with real weapons so the transformation goes smoothly.”

“Right…” Kallamat sat down, still feeling a little anxious about leaving a knife in his younger chaotic siblings' hands.

The journey to the hunting grounds continued without issue. 

Well, Leshy almost stabbed Heket in the eye but since it was prevented by Shamura it was all still water.

After arriving at the hunting grounds Kallamar immediately started to socialise with the young nobles children that would be attending the competition while Shamura stayed behind to watch Heket and Leshy being escorted to the waiting area.

Narinder took a little longer to get off the carriage.

“Is something the matter brother?” Shamura asked as they picked up their belongings.

“Hmm… no. I just thought I smelled something.” Narinder said as he rubbed his nose and jumped off the carriage after Shamura.

Narinder was about to follow after Heket and Leshy when Shamura stopped him.

“Brother. I fear our younger siblings will try to pull something. As the oldest of the three, could you guard them?” Shamura asked with a kind voice.

“Sure!” 

With a newfound mission and a feeling of protectiveness of his sister and brother, Narinder gave Shamura a big smile before running off towards the waiting area.

Shamura looked at Narinder’s running form with a smile.

.

.

.

The trumpet was blown with the start of the competition and the whistling arrow was shot, signaling that the first prey had been caught. 

Heket and Leshy were almost forced to sit down with a weirdly on duty feeling Narinder who was looking around. 

The two younger siblings whispered among each other without the knowledge of the feline.

With everyone focused on the competition, talking and some even betting on who would win, the young kings slowly sneaked off of the platform they were on easily since everyone was so energetic about the hunt.

Narinder, to his surprise, didn't notice his siblings missing at first. But when he did, he immediately started searching for the two frantically.

As soon as he turned around the corner for the carts almost empty with weapons, he spotted Leshy’s bushy, wagging tail.

“What the hell are you doing?!-” Narinder ran up to them, yelling and not expecting the puff of smoke to hit his face.

“Ugh!- What?!” he coughed, doubling over in panic more than pain. No, he was not feeling any pain at all.

“Hah! Look! I told you it would work!” He heard his sister exclaim with delight as she peeked over the cart, holding an empty, delicately designed pouch.

Narinder rubbed his eyes. “What was that?”

“Catnip!” Leshy joined with the same excitement as his sister while holding a big crossbow that looked funny in his small hands. He couldn't even balance it properly.

“Where the hell did you find catnip?” Narinder tried to fight off the calming effect. But it was too late, he had already forgotten his worry and anger as his pupils got bigger.

“I brought it from Anura. I'm tired of you guarding me as if I'm a little flower so I came prepared.” Heket said proudly. 

So that's what he smelled in the carriage…

Well, he didn't really care about it right now. He kneeled and then lay down, rubbing his face on the ground where the catnip had scattered to and purring. 

He only faintly heard the laughter and the mocker his little siblings threw at him as they got what they needed from the cart and ran into the hunting grounds…

.

.

.

The news of the Green Crown’s young King getting lightly injured on hunting grounds spread like wildfire amongst the nobles.

Some had even talked about the embarrassing situation Red Crown’s young king was in and his outburst against his younger siblings…

[veronicangel]

LOSER MONOLOGUE

daisuke - mouthwashing

cw: angst angst angst angst, depression, hint of starvation

he didn't know how he could be so stupid.

"(your name) i really like you and you're just so amazing to be around you're funny and you always laugh at my jokes and-"

why did he think you would feel the same way? how could he think that?

"daisuke..."

he tried to forget the feelings he had for you, but he can't stop his feelings.

"and i think you're so gorgeous too and you always make me feel good about myself and-"

why did he want you so bad? what is it about you he can't let go of? why does he want to talk to you, to laugh with you, to make out with you? why does he want anything from you?

"daisuke please listen to me..."

why did he think this would work out in his favor? nothing ever does. he isn't anything important, even his own parents think so.

"yes, yes , you're right, i'm listening"

nothing ever good comes out of him being around. just goes to show with the crash happening just as soon as he joined the crew. the least he could do is give his own rations to everyone else. he isn't that hungry anyways.

"you're really sweet and handsome daisuke but..."

he was so stupid. that smile he had on his face was useless. he should've known you wouldn't feel the same way. he's nothing compared to you.

"but i don't feel that way about you daisuke. you only think you like me because im the only person available"

why couldn't he show you he liked you for you and not because he has no one else? why could he never express himself? either way it wouldn't have mattered, he isn't enough for you.

"that's not true! i do like you so much (your name)!"

he felt the tears pricking at his eyes again. why is the only thing he can do is cry? why can't he get up and win you over? why can't he get over you?

"please don't argue with me about this daisuke. i don't want this to affect our time on the ship together. i do like you, as a good friend"

he cried into his own hands, how pathetic. he cried at the thought of you. anytime he looks at you, or hears your name, his stomach flips and gets butterflies. you didn't see him in that way though. why would you? everyone knows he's lazy and pathetic. everyone on the crew thinks so and everyone back home does too, so why wouldn't you think that too.

"oh i understand, im sorry for wasting your time. let's forget this ever happened am i right! haha!"

he remembers the moment so clearly. he remember the pitiful smile you gave him before walking back to whatever you were doing before he got to you. why did it have to be like this? he can't stop himself from fantasizing. he can't help himself from imagining how things would be back home. how you and him would move in together, get a cat, and live happily alongside each other, not on a space ship that was doomed from the start.

"you mean so much to me. i wish you'd look at me the way i look at you. i wish i could be with you. i just want to feel the warmth of your body next to mine. to see your smile. i want to play with your hair, see it shine under the sun as it hits you just right. i want to watch the sun sink behind the heavens with you. talk, laugh, make out. anything. i just want anything from you."

he wrote it all down on a random sheet of paper and the only pen he could find on the whole ship. the tears in his eyes dripped onto the paper, ruining his already messy writing. it didn't matter though. he figured you wouldn't want to read his loser monologue anyways.

sorry for the angst guys im depressed so my faves have to be depressed too but for reals who would reject my baby daisuke 🙁

[steddieas-shegoes]

forever starts with a question

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEX!!! This universe would not exist at all without all of your support and love and care for this version of Steve and Eddie and Rory. I hope you enjoy an extra little snippet of their lives and more importantly, I hope you have the best birthday @thefreakandthehair 💖

rated m | 1747 words | from the bear hugs universe | cw: implied sexual content, references to sex | tags: established relationship, modern au, hockey au, fluff, marriage proposal happens off screen in this but on screen in bear hugs

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

This is stupid, he thinks for the 16th time tonight.

There’s only so many times a guy can change his shirt before he starts to think going shirtless is a better option, and that’s about where Eddie’s at.

He’s just asking Rory if he can ask Steve to marry him. It’s not like he has to look perfect. It’s Rory. She’ll have chocolate ice cream on her shirt within five minutes of their night out, anyway. It doesn’t matter if he wears the black button down or the red sweater.

“Are you almost ready?” She bangs on the bedroom door and Eddie jumps.

“Yes! Be patient!” He checks the mirror by the closet one more time before opening the bedroom door and smiling down at her. “Who braided your hair?”

“Dad. Is it okay?” She reaches up to touch the ends of the braid, trying to look down at it as if she could see enough.

“It looks great,” Eddie replies. “You ready?”

Rory nods and rushes to the front door. Eddie throws his coat on and grabs his keys.

“We’re heading out!” Eddie calls as he opens the door. Steve’s most likely already busy on his lesson plans, trying desperately to catch up from having the flu for the last week. “Love you!”

“Love you both!” Steve yells from the extra bedroom that serves as an all-purpose room. It’s an office and storage and guest bedroom and present hiding place all rolled into one.

Eddie feels the nerves really kick in when they get to the ice cream shop. They always start with dessert on their nights out together. Eddie believes in starting with the good stuff, and Rory doesn’t argue.

She’s looking at the flavor options as if she ever gets anything other than fudge brownie ice cream with caramel on top. He lets her. Maybe she’ll surprise him one of these days.

“I know what I want,” she says barely a minute later.

“Go ahead and order,” Eddie gestures, bowing dramatically and smiling when Rory giggles. “Anything the princess desires!”

“Can I please have a fudge brownie ice cream in a cone with caramel on top?” Rory places her order and Eddie can’t help but love that she’s such a creature of habit. So is Steve. Down to the way he unties his shoes, and the exact pattern of what he does when he’s getting ready for bed, and-

“Daddy, c’mon!” Rory waves her hand forward and he snaps out of his thoughts.

“Sorry! I’ll have a bourbon caramel swirl,” he says.

Rory nudges him, raising her eyebrows.

“Oh! Please.”

The woman laughs behind the counter and scoops his ice cream.

“You have to be polite,” Rory reminds him.

“I know I’m sorry. I’m a little distracted,” he admits.

She furrows her brows. She looks so much like Steve when she does it.

Eddie pays, adds a nice tip for his unintentional rudeness earlier, and lets Rory lead him to a table. She always picks the one closest to the window that looks at the fountain, but that one’s taken. She leads him to one by the other window, one that looks out to the street.

They eat in silence for a bit. Ice cream drips onto Rory’s shirt. Eddie doesn’t acknowledge it except to hand her a napkin from the pile he grabbed before they sat down.

Eventually, he runs out of ice cream and she keeps looking at him like she’s onto him. He doesn’t know how she could be, but you never know with her. She always notices the things most kids wouldn’t.

He needs to just say it. He has to ask now or the anxiety will just keep building.

“So. Rory.”

“Daddy.”

“I like our little daddy daughter times. Do you?”

“Yeahhhhh,” Rory answers, drawing it out to emphasize how strange Eddie’s being.

“It would be pretty cool to do them forever, right?”

Rory nods. Eddie wants to fist pump. He’s doing great.

“I think it would be pretty cool to marry your dad, don’t you?”

Okay, that delivery could’ve used a little work, maybe a little more buildup. He didn’t practice the exact words today, so naturally he’s struggling a little.

“Daddy, what the heck are you talkin’ about?”

“You know I love him so much? And I’ve loved him so much for so long.” Eddie feels his stomach flutter. He told himself this would be harder than the actual proposal, and he’s finding that wasn’t an exaggeration. He thinks proposing to Steve will be a piece of cake after this. “And I also love you very much. I want to be part of your family forever, if you’ll let me.”

“But you’re already part of our family,” Rory says, confused.

“I am!” Eddie reassures her, reaching out to take her hand and pull her out of her chair. She’s standing right in front of him now, eye level so she can truly understand what he’s trying to say. “You guys have accepted me and loved me and I will always love you both, no matter what. But I was thinking it would be nice for us to have a wedding and officially be husbands. Your dad deserves something nice, something he really wants.”

“Not like my mom?” Rory asks and it breaks Eddie’s heart a little.

“Yeah, little one. He didn’t get to have a nice wedding the first time, and he wasn’t loved the way he should’ve been.” Eddie takes a shaky breath. “And neither were you. But I’m gonna do everything I can to love you both the way you deserve.”

Rory bites her lip, reaching up to play with the end of her braid that’s starting to come undone. Poor Steve just never does it right enough for her hair type.

That’s okay, though. Eddie will be there to help her until she can do it herself.

“And you won’t ever leave?”

Eddie shakes his head and pulls her into his chest.

“I’ll never, ever, ever leave you. Even if your dad moves on from me, I will always be here for you,” Eddie says. “I’m your dad, too. I’m not gonna stop loving you for any reason, okay?”

Rory nods against his shirt. She’s quiet for a full minute before she pokes at his chest.

He looks down and frowns.

“You got ice cream on your shirt,” Rory says.

“Shit.” Eddie grabs a napkin and starts wiping, hoping it doesn’t leave an obnoxious stain. He’s glad he chose a dark shirt, at least.

“You can marry my dad.”

Eddie freezes and looks up. Rory is looking back at him with red cheeks and watery eyes.

“But I get to hold both your hands,” she continues.

Eddie beams at her before he pulls her into a crushing hug. “I think we can swing that,” he gets out despite the sob barely being contained in his chest. Rory is patting his back, probably trying to comfort him, which he knows looks bad to the strangers scattered around the shop.

“Are you sad?” Rory asks.

“No!” He sniffles and lets out a small laugh. “I’m so happy.”

Rory pokes his cheek and starts playing with a piece of hair that fell from his bun. “But why did you ask me first? Don’t you have to ask dad?”

“I do have to ask him, but I wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t want me to. Your opinion matters,” Eddie explains. “Speaking of, though. Can you keep this a secret? I have an idea for a plan, but I need you to not spill anything.”

“I can keep secrets! I’m really good at it.” Rory jumps up and down. “I didn’t even tell you about the present dad got you for your birthday!”

She smacks her hand on her mouth while Eddie laughs. He loves this kid, even if she is bad about surprises. Luckily, Eddie’s plan is only a few weeks away, and he’s pretty sure she’ll be too focused on hockey to say anything to Steve.

He starts to tell her the plan while the rest of his ice cream melts in the bowl. He didn’t really want ice cream anyway, just time with his favorite kid.

****

“I can’t believe you proposed at a game,” Steve gasps between kisses against Eddie’s neck. “Can’t believe we’re engaged.”

Eddie laughs as he leans his head back against the wall. The unused equipment storage room they’re in smells like it was recently used, sweat and mildew clinging to the walls and carpet. It’s a smell that feels like home to them, but it’s decidedly unsexy.

Plus, they only have a few minutes before they have to get Rory from the locker room, where she is gathering autographs from everyone as if she won’t see them in the next month when Steve and Eddie come back for a coaching camp.

“Sweetheart, you’re not gonna have time to fuck me,” Eddie moans as Steve’s hand cups his hard cock through his jeans. “Shouldn’t even be in here.”

Steve pulls away a few inches. “Who said anything about fucking you?”

“Oh, I just assumed that’s why your hand was trying to fit in the back of my jeans,” Eddie smirks.

“You could fuck my mouth?” Steve offers.

“Jesus…” Eddie groans and pushes Steve away. He grabs his left hand, though, pulls it close to his lips, kisses the ring on his finger. “When we get home, I’m gonna do anything you want, I swear.”

“But not here?” Steve pouts.

“Not now,” Eddie sighs. “But maybe if we can find a closet at camp…”

“Deal!” Steve smacks a kiss to his lips and rushes to straighten his hair and look presentable.

“You’re leaving me like this?” Eddie asks, gesturing down at the wet spot showing through his pants. “How am I gonna explain it?”

“You’ll just have to hide it,” Steve says as he walks to the door. “You’re the one who didn’t wanna fuck me here.”

“This is rude!” Eddie yells as Steve leaves the room.

There’s no answer, but Eddie quickly adjusts himself and makes sure his jersey is covering his front as much as possible.

When he makes it back into the locker room, Steve is talking with a few of the players while Rory is busy tossing a tennis ball back and forth with the equipment manager and goalies.

Steve looks over at him and winks.

Oh, Eddie’s gonna have a fucking field day with him when they’re alone.

[lucygraysboy]

“it’s a wonder how they do it, right? i mean, they don’t even speak our language and somehow they just know if you’re a good or bad person, and what your intentions are. do you think they can read it off of our body language? or what’s happening in their heads?” thinking out loud, pale blue eyes fixated on the back of her head as his hand continues to travel across her back. over her shoulder, along the bumps at the nape of her neck, inching closer and closer to her other arm. olive skin covered in suds. “mhm,” he hums softly, praying she doesn’t turn around. he doesn’t want her to see him blushing like a schoolboy. “when i first walked in here, i thought that you’d ran away, but then i saw reva blue and began to wonder why you’d ever want to leave her behind… and started to question my own sanity, asked myself if you were real or a figment of my imagination,” he admits, chuckling sheepishly because it’s embarrassing to a certain degree. “i will never cause you any harm, lucy gray. i just need you to know that, okay?” even if she won’t instantly put all her trust in him. “and if ever want to go your separate way, i won’t go after you unless you want me to.” he’s not his brother. “and your favorite dessert is blueberry pie.” noted, he remembers. but he still leaves enough room for her to correct him if he’s wrong. “but not all desserts make you happy? that doesn’t make sense,” he playfully argues, just trying to provoke her to convince him otherwise. “horses.” what an easy question, he thinks. “i love and respect all animals.” even the squirrel that became their dinner as hard to believe as it may be. “birds and dogs and cats and cows and butterflies, but horses are just so special. my mother’s friend, back at the capitol, had stables bigger than whole neighborhoods in district twelve. plenty of stunning thoroughbreds. most of them had probably been imported from district eleven or something. anyway, there was this one chestnut mare that i really admired, could watch her for hours. she could run so fast…” eyes alight at the memory, but then he realizes that he’s been rambling for a long time and must be boring her to death. “sorry, got a little carried away. um, what’s yours?” he inquires, meaning her favorite animal. too bad there are no horses in district thirteen. it’s been so long since the last time he was near one… “thanks for trustin’ me enough.” to show him the wound on her leg. thank god he had that jar of iodine with him. “and how will that be your fault? don’t blame yourself for things that happened because other people put you in a certain position. what were you supposed to do? grab a brush on your way out? you had more important matters to worry about. it’s really not your fault, lucy gray. it’s not like you’re a slob by nature and let this happen out of laziness. you’ve been through a lot. it’s only natural,” he softly corrects, reaching around her petite frame and handing her the soapy washcloth so that she can scrub her legs and torso. calloused fingertips sinking beneath the surface, getting wet before gathering her long hair with nothing but affection. “we won’t be cuttin’ it to your ears. if we can’t get all the tangles out, we’ll braid it and… well, maybe my mother,” the one who’s most likely sick with worry back in thirteen, “will find a way to help us.” but right now, he’ll focus on combing through these pretty locks with his fingers, careful not to pull too hard.

“i think they can definitely tell, who’s a good person and who’s tryin’ to bring harm. animal’s are intuitive like that.” lucy gray reassures, smiling softly as her arm stays around her bent knees, her free arm tracing circles in the water. “oh…yeah?” brow lifting, looking over her shoulder at him before eyes glance back towards the water. shying up momentarily again. “of course not.” leave him as a single parent. a twitch of amusement pulling at her lips before softening at the thought, thinking how she can’t run. but even it she could, would she? not… exactly. not when she doesn’t have a gnawing fear in her chest yet towards him. just like the animals they speak of… if she doesn’t have a reason or sense a reason, she won’t leave. just like deer and birds, she too has those same instincts. “sort of. i mean, i can choose a favorite dessert. i can choose a favorite month. but i can’t choose a favorite color, animal or flower. all flowers, colors and animals make me happy. hard to choose just one.” a soft laugh emits, gently shrugging her thin shoulders. “what’s your favorite animal?” questioning before hearing the awful story of the man he knew and before too long her face is contorting into disgust and stomach churning, vomit reflexes on the rise when he starts saying thing about smells. “lord, then, i sure am lucky you found me in time. i might’ve suffered the same thing. that’s sickenin’, bless his poor soul havin’ to suffer all through that.” feeling sympathy and disgust, quickly trying to think of something else. she definitely doesn’t want to suffer like that and scared up to keep watching her wounds. “i hope not, i really like my hair. but then again… that’ll be my fault, maybe i’ll learn.” scolding herself— to at least brush her fingers through it and keep it from getting so matted. “it’d be devastatin’ cutting it off to my ears.” that gives her the notion to quickly start trying with her fingers to start pulling some knots out, feeling a little panicky on needing the answer if she’ll get to spare it or not. the rubs on her back feel so pleasant, too. the most soothing feeling she’s felt in awhile but she can’t exactly relax with her hair on the line.

[shadamyheadcanons]

Hey, it's been a while! Hope you're doing all right! Anyways, I'm curious: have you ever gotten hate from Sonamy shippers or anyone who ships other pairings involving Shadow or Amy? I've never gotten hate for shipping Sonouge, though I wonder if it's because 1. the Sonic fandom has been more respectful of different pairings lately, or 2. It's only a matter of time.

Hey! I’ve hardly faced any ship hate, at least on tumblr. I had one run-in from 2022, but that’s it. The only thing sonamy fans have sent me is positivity, like yesterday’s ask. Just friendly multishipping. I think that’s because tumblr lets you tailor your own experience so much; you can blacklist tags and content and unfollow/block whoever you want, and in my experience, people you follow will add tags to their posts if you ask. It’s not a site with an algorithm that forces topics you don’t like. Users have control.

Side note: if anyone wants me to tag something differently, feel free to DM me or send an ask, anonymous or not. I don’t mind one bit!

Tumblr’s structure and culture of “block and keep scrolling” is something I really appreciate. AO3 has it down to a science, too. The only people who are here are those who want to be here. Whenever I do see shadamy hate, it’s on sites like youtube or twitter from people who haven’t figured out where the back button on their browser is.

I think sonouge is pretty safe. I’ve never gotten hate for shipping it, either, just a few comments like, “huh, I never thought of that. Makes sense.” It doesn’t pop up often enough in the wild to aggravate anyone who doesn’t like it, not the way shadamy does, heh. I don’t think shadamy fans are pushy, exactly, but we’re...present. Whenever Shadow and Amy have a “moment,” like Shadow only checking on Amy in Dream Team, you’ll see shippy comments about it.

I also wonder if specialty blogs like ours avoid the worst of it because we’re “too far gone” to them. If you’re trying to rid the world of shadamy and sonouge, you wouldn’t start with shadamyheadcanons and sonougeheadcanons, would you? We’re a lost cause.

A large chunk of the fandom is done with petty ship hate, but Sonic’s getting new fans every day with different ships and different ideas. My advice to anyone: find a nice community to stick to and block anyone who gives you trouble.

[mantisgodsdomain]

We think Kabbu is aroace but specifically the kind of aroace where he's aware of romance and sex and all that jazz and he is in theory Totally Allo And Normal Definitely but in practice he couldn't catch someone hitting on him if they hit him with a brick to the face.

He's aware of it in theory but in practice the fact that it applies to him and people exist who could find him attractive is completely alien because internally the concepts are like oil and water and he cannot conceive the idea of him actually, like, entering a relationship with someone.

[asthedeathoflight]

Coda to my other post because I didn't want to completely derail it but we might not be ready for this conversation as a fandom but ableism is absolutely a contributing factor to the way Armand gets treated and im tired of pretending like it's not. The way autistic people of color get treated in our society is abominable and this fandom is not immune to perpetuating that. So much of how he gets talked about can be chalked up to "well he didn't perform empathy/emotion/regret like I wanted him to." If Armand was as effortlessly personable and correctly emotive as Lestat is we'd be having a different conversation. That's all I'm saying.

[moociaoafterdark]

So, a person has replied to this post saying that this person could've experienced a sexual abuse by a man, hence the reaction. No hate to them, but either they deleted the replies or Tumblr is being stupid, so I will elaborate here anyway.

As I stated in the second to last paragraph, it's perfectly normal to have a negative reaction to something that triggers you. Thing is, this doesn't feel like a trigger and more like a general "ew, I thought this was yuri, but it was stinking heteros again". This is not the first time this particular panel from that particular doujin got reposted. And what sucks, this is not the first time those yuri fans reacted in that way. OP's replies to people that agreed with their post confirmed that.

OP did try to deflect by saying, that they thought this was consensual roleplay, which, honestly, the drawing definitely doesn't even come off that way. I guess a little side step, but the art is beautiful and the artist has a great understanding of lighting and atmosphere. They also did a great job with facial expressions, the emotions that the characters are experiencing are written all over their faces. With that said, nothing in the art suggested that what was happening was good, wholesome or for that matter consensual. The sinister lighting, shadows obscuring the ML's face, blank eyes of FL, FL crying and looking as if her will had been broken down, dark narrowed eyes of ML. Even if this was a role play... Just what kind of role play is even taking place? CNC/rape play perhaps?

Hence, my reaction. As I said, I'm proship, and what is one of our core beliefs?

"If I see something I don't like or something that triggers me, but is ultimately harmless, I scroll by and ignore it. Block the hashtags or people if I really have to, but ultimately, mind my own business."

Hence, my post. There's no real difference between abusive mlm, wlw or het dynamics in fiction, because, as I said: abuse is abuse, no matter the gender. If people are allowed to openly condemn toxic het dynamics for exploring abuse in a safe enviorment, wouldn't it only be fair for the same to happen to toxic queer dynamics that do the same thing? No, it's NOT fair, because all of them are allowed to exist in fiction and deserve to be explored by people that want to.

Our job, is to understand that and respect that. Understand that there are people out there that feel comforted and seen by this kind of fiction. And to not judge them.

Aka, mind our own business and scroll by! Realize that internet is not a safe place and that we are responsible for our boundaries and triggers! Man! I sure wonder if there is an internet movement dedicated to shipping whatever you want and condemning harassment over fiction! Ahh, it probably doesn't exist, huh?

Right, so, uhm, quick question

Why do people thinks that toxic queer relationships (specifically the lesbian/wlw/yuri ones) are good and are okay to explore in fiction (to a certain degree god forbid we depict actual severe abuse), but the second it's toxic heterosexual relationship suddenly it's very wrong and sickening? Why are so many himefujos love "toxic yuri" and "toxic yaoi" and call it ""better"" and different from toxic het pairs??? As a victim of female-on-female CSA, as I already stated in the screenshots, let me make one thing clear:

ABUSE IS ABUSE, NO MATTER THE GENDER

It's okay to explore and play around with abusive dynamics in fiction! I'm proship and a huge lover of DD:DNE! Hell, I myself am a huge lover of toxic pairings (just take a look at my blog, lmao) and I even read the doujin that the OP commented on (it was very good, I liked it!) However, I find it weird and honestly extremely disrespectful how some people are okay only exploring toxic dynamics only when it's queer? Why is it being male-on-male or female-on-female suddenly makes it "better"? "Safer"?

It's not. Same sex sexual abuse is just as devastating as sexual abuse between two sexes. Something that SHOULD BE obvious, but apparently not?

It's fine if you yourself had an unfortunate experience with a certain type of abuse and therefore are uncomfortable seeing it in fiction. But victims/survivors aren't a monolith. Some victims of SA still like toxic dynamics for, really, any reason. That's perfectly fine too, hell, it may even be therapeutic to them, as proven over and over again by actual psychiatrists.

Everyone has different triggers.

What I'm trying to say is: don't be a hypocrite. Abuse is abuse. You can't call one type of abuse acceptable and progressive to explore in fiction, while all the others should be swept under a rug. That's not how it fucking works.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bestie Deficiency

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[emi-the-gremlin]

Controversial take (maybe?)

I think we need more of mr. Payne being the good parent, like don’t get me wrong I adore all the good Mrs. Payne fics (definitely check out that tag) but she’s the only one who’s actually been described negatively, parenting wise.

Not to mention it also just balances out the group, Charles has daddy issues, Crystal has parental issues, so therefore it stands to reason that Edwin has mommy issues, right?

[sluckythewizard]

'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'

[statementlou]

hello :) could you maybe explain a little bit how dan wootton blackmailed louis?

ugh sorry for taking a while to get to this. The problem is I feel like the only two ways to answer this are by spending a week and a half of full time labor sifting through old posts and evidence to get every detail right and lay out an airtight case, or to halfass something very serious, and so I felt a little stuck. So since I can't seem to find a good halfway point, apologies but here is the half assed version, if you want to get into it more I invite you to do your own deep dive or talk to other people, but here's how I remember things. Louis has almost never on video explicitly said things about Larry not being real and/or anything negative about fans and their theories (mostly the opposite), up until the last couple years when he obviously decided to make a major change he didn't talk about Freddie much at all let alone saying he was his kid, honestly not that much about Eleanor even; except for in two major interviews with Dan Wootton, each of which lined up with a serious traumatic Tomlinson family event that they managed to keep out of the tabloids until the very end (Jay's illness and Fizzy's struggles with substance abuse). After the fact of those events a lot of small things that didn't make sense at the time came together to look very much like Louis traded those interviews (and those answers) for having his family's private matters kept private. Story trading of this kind is a publicly known real thing that happens, and there were various clues that suggested he was being leaned on about those stories to lend legitimacy to the idea that it was something that happened in these cases. Given what we know about Dan Wootton and how he operates even before the recent flood of information and even more now, I think it's more than likely that he has been holding the threat of outing Louis (as he has done to many other public figures) over his head for over a decade, and has used his family's tragic struggles to get Louis to dance like a fucking puppet for him and I will REJOICE at his downfall when it comes whether it is now or 20 years from now... because someday it will, he has made too many enemies to stay above it forever