#anyways. sorry to everyone who loves me and likes talking to me. hopefully ill be back soon ✌️

[puppetlooselystrung]

-

[forabeatofadrum]

aap noot mies (3/14)

Notes: In case it wasn’t very clear, the chapter titles are the words that I made from the scramble letters and I even wrote down how many points I got for each word. I really liked this new challenge!

AO3 | S&C

–

YEAR - 7 points

“So, it all started last year. My dad got ill and it looked like he wasn’t going to make it – no worries, he’s fine now. But yeah, it got scary and my dad asked me and my stepmother to go through his belongings and stuff. After my brother died unexpectedly, we know what it’s like to be left behind with nothing arranged.”

That is a lot of information to take in.

Kurt says it with ease, but Blaine can hear a slight tension. It must’ve been really bad and stressful to have his brother die and then have his father almost die.

“While we went through his stuff, we found out we had some long lost family! My dad has two sisters! That is huge!”

“Let me guess, they’re from the Netherlands,” Blaine fills in.

Kurt nods.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of mystery surrounding my dad’s family. I never knew my grandparents either. Anyway, we contacted them and they were happy to hear from us. Turns out they didn’t really know of my dad either.”

Blaine nods in understanding. Contacting long-lost family feels like the dream. He hasn’t heard much from his family after he moved to this planet.

“People in the Netherlands speak English,” Kurt continues, “But, I don’t know, maybe it’s my ambitious side, but I’d love to learn the language. I originally considered asking them to teach me, but I want to surprise them.”

“Are you planning on visiting?” Blaine asks.

Kurt nods eagerly.

“Yes, we’re currently saving up. Hopefully next summer we’ll go there. We haven’t seen them in person yet.”

Blaine files that away for later. This means he’ll have one year to teach Kurt as much as possible. Of course, if Kurt lets him.

It’s a nice reason to learn a language. Yes, sometimes Blaine laments about how his superpower isn’t super useful, but it has also made Blaine appreciate language. Languages are a form of connection. It’s culture: history, art and community in one. Language, in all of its forms, be it written, spoken, signed (or other, Blaine knows that there are some other forms of language on some planets) is shared by everyone in the whole universe.

Sure, Blaine would love to have a superpower that makes it easier to find things he’s lost, but when he hears Kurt talk about how he’s excited about this prospect of connection, Blaine feels incredibly content.

“Sorry, am I boring you?” Kurt asks after a while. He’s realized that Blaine’s in his own world.

“No, of course not! On the contrary, I was thinking about how lovely this plan is.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, absolutely!” Blaine says excitedly, “I’ve heard several reasons why people learn a language and they’re all completely fine-” Well, apart from this one guy who wanted to speak Italian because he dreamt of joining the mafia “-but this one is definitely one of my favourites. It’s driven by love.”

Those are indeed Blaine’s favourites: people learning a language to welcome a new person, people learning a language to talk to their spouse’s family, people learning a language to impress someone they have a crush on.

Blaine just loves love!

[kirozai]

hello!~ may i order a café mocha with Childe, Venti and Xiao, please? thank you very much ^^

wonderful choice! coming up!

valentines day event 2022 - closed…

synopsis: childe, venti, and xiao fighting over you :)

CW: sagau, yandere, self awareness, cult au, fluff!

T.O.R: gn!reader, god!reader, darling!reader

venti

ACTUALLY their grace is going with me.

honestly venti is probably one of the most clingiest ones in the cult. like somebody could just stare at you to much and he’d be jealous. he has this thing where he wants to make you proud. he would do ANYTHING for you. he would rip his wings off for you if you wanted. on this particular day tartaglia was getting a little TO lovely with you. giving you hugs and whatever. if it were up to him, he’d want you to himself. he would one hundred percent try to pull your arm away from tartaglia. like no chill he is just like “nope! your done! your finished! it’s MY turn!” of course your not complaining. who doesn’t want a cult with people who all love you? for valentines day; he likes to listen to the wind and whenever the winds give off a warm breeze that’s when he will ask you.

childe

sorry! we are going to be late for our reservation!…

honestly he would take more drastic measures even getting in a fight in front of you because he wants to show you how strong he is. but some other acolyte is just bugging him today. he was just about to get you a cup of water you asked for but then that xiao came and gave it to you!!! like hello? they asked ME. and oh god. don’t get me started on that god damn BARD. oh all he does is cling to you when CHILDE should be the one there!! not some bard! why do i feel like he would come to this some type of agreement with venti and xiao. like okay xiao you can get their grace water every other time and ill get the rest, no venti i survive off of their graces hugs. it’s not only you. now going for valentines day. he would like ask you a month in advance AND HOPEFULLY no one has ask you yet.

xiao

no. i do not care.

XIAO WOULD NOT CARE. like not even in a bad way, it does not matter who he will ignore them. unless they are zhongli. then maybe he would care a bit. BUT YOU ARE ALWAYS FIRST. who cares if some ginger wants to give you water, he’s going to be the one giving it. and venti? sure he did save him but you are the reason he is here anyways. you are the creator so who cares. of course, he won’t hesitate to fight them, but only when you aren’t there. he doesn’t want you to see the side he so much hates. although, it is interesting how everyone is talking about valentines day and wanting to be your valentine. he will just have to convince you that he is the best match for you.

order for anon! here you are;! enjoy!!

kirozai out!

tip jar! (appreciated!)

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[hanazuma-inactive]

Hello! This is kind of a long request and well- Hopefully you’re fine with doing temporary Body Swap. :>

So basically Bakugou and his Male S/O are pro heroes and when out on a mission, they both get hit by a villain who has a swap quirk. Basically, they just swapped bodies. (Y/n is in Bakugou’s body and Bakugou is in Y/n’s body, they basically just switched minds.) They are told by the other pro heroes that the two should go home and take the day off. Unfortunately, nobody knows how long the quirk effect will stay, but they were convinced it was only temporary. So the two go back to their shared apartment and the day goes on pretty normal- besides the fact that, you know, they’ve swapped bodies. Though later Y/n gets a bit of an idea. What if he were to f*ck Bakugou in this body? The thought seemed kinda strange at first since he would literally be f*cking his own body, but he couldn’t deny that the thought was turning him on. Especially wanting to see Bakugou’s reaction. So, he basically handcuffs Bakugou to prevent him from struggling and.. while in the middle of doing it, something happens.. Shit! Why did it have to happen now?? Y/n panics in his head as he realizes they just swapped bodies again, and he is now at the mercy of Bakugou Katsuki himself..

I actually sent a request kinda similar to this to someone else but it was a while ago and they haven’t responded so they may not have liked it, or it just didn’t arrive. And sorry for choosing Bakugou again, you just may be able to figure out who my favorite character is.. Sorry for my rambling.

If you don’t wanna do it, that’s fine. Anyways, have a good day/night, man!

in his shoes (nsfw) bakugou x reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: body swapping during sex, bottom and top reader+bakugou, selfcest (?), degrading, bratty behavior, claimming and possesive themes, bondage (handcuffs)

a/n: i really like this concept and i will write it don't worry 😎👍 i usually write all of my requests anyways. im also sorry this took literally 5 years.

_____

katsuki bakugou and y/n bakugou. the two of you have been married for 2 years now after you guys started working as heroes. you both went to UA and graduated at the top of the class. neither of you had time for love or romance resulting in neither of you confessing you feelings for each other. gladly, things managed to work out in the end.

"he's on it again, i need the bakugous here right now."

hearing the police force requesting your assistance, you and your husband show up on the case. it turned out to be the villain that the two of you couldn't capture the last time during patrol. 

"HEH?! look y/n, it's this motherfucker again. what's up with this loser, coming back every time it's annoying." 

"play nice now katsuki, let's just go and restrain him and let the police take care of the rest."

the two of you move quickly to match the villain's rapid movements. katsuki flew around using his quirk to attempt to catch him but failed. the villain was surprisingly agile and you guys had a tough time trying to chase him down. 

after around half an hour of chasing you finally cornered the villain on top of a tall building in the middle of the city that was still in construction. the ground was hard to walk on and somewhat unstable but you managed to find your balance. 

"alright, give it up, you've got nowhere to run now. 

"what he said, stop resisting and i won't blow your face off."

the villain's expression turned to fear as you started to close up on him. out of panic, he used his quirk. it was a small beam that didn't hurt at all. however, after a few seconds your body started to heat up, you looked over to katsuki and you could tell he was feeling the same. what was happening?

seeing the two of you struggling, the villain quickly left the scene but he had trouble moving around due to his surroundings. his movements were also somewhat impaired due to fatigue. it was most likely the aftereffect of his quirk which was why he was pretty reluctant in using it. 

the strange feeling in your chest wouldn't go away and your vision started to blur. next thing you know you woke up on top of the same building to see yourself lying next to you. was his quirk duplication? no it couldn't have been. you tried to stand up but felt the weight of some heavy armor dragging you down. you look down to see yourself wearing katsuki's hero costume and his gauntlet. still in awe, you heard a groan in your own voice next to you. 

"shit… wtf happened, y/n where are you where-" 

it didn't take long for your husband to find out what happened. 

the two of you have switched bodies.

you both tried to explain to the police who's who but it only ended in confusion. you went home with your husband after they put the two of you on break for "damaged mental" from the villain because the majority of the police thought you guys were crazy. 

there weren't any cases similar to body switching between heros before so the doctor said there's nothing that can be done other than attempting to wait off the effect. so there you were, in your husband's body, cooking dinner for the man while you saw your own body lazily sitting on the couch with your legs spread open watching the tv. 

life went as normal for the next two days, since you two were both males there weren't any problems whatsoever. however, one day a thought flew into your mind while taking a nap with katsuki. since he was the one who would usually top, now that you're in his body wouldn't it technically mean you get to top? 

physically you would be using your boyfriend's body to fuck yourself. but the thought of the all mighty bakugou katsuki taking his own dick, his bratty attitude, and lastly breaking him and making him fall apart by your touch aroused you in an indescribable way. you knew katsuki wouldn't agree to this due to his prideful personality so you had to take other measures to carry out your plan. 

you and kastuki had all sorts of toys laying around and you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine with them. while he wasn't looking you grabbed the vibrator, handcuffs, and blindfolds and put them all on the nightstand. now that everything is in place, all you have to do is wait to catch katsuki off guard tonight when he gets tired.

later tonight, after finishing dinner, katsuki was yet again sitting casually again on the couch watching tv, not giving a single care to the world. 

"heyy katsuki!"

"hm? yah?" 

"come with me for a second? i want to show you something!" you said with a sly grin on your face

katsuki didn't care enough to talk back, neither did he think this could lead to the ill intentions you had with him tonight. following you into the bedroom, you gestured katsuki to sit down on the bed. he obeyed although he began to have a suspicion of what you're about to do. using your new body, you abused katsuki's strong muscle and speed to restrain your own body with the handcuffs you prepare. there was no way for katuski to fight back in this situation because your body was simply not built enough to resist his. 

"h-huh? what are you doing dumbass…if you're joking s-stop it now, it's not funny." 

"oh i am very serious katsuki, now that i'm inside your body. i am going to fuck your brains out. i'm gonna thrust that bratty attitude of yours right out the window." 

hearing you say that, your husband looked away to avert his eyes while you heard a small gulp coming from his throat. you could tell he was nervous and that's exactly what you wanted. katsuki has never bottomed in his life before and he does plan on doing so either. 

finally having katsuki in your grasp, you decided to carry on with your plan. you put on the blindfold for him as he jolted in surprise. katsuki tried to get out of the handcuffs but later found his attempt futile. these were the toys he used for you too and he out of everyone should know it's impossible to get out of them. once your husband stopped moving you gentlt took off his pants, leaving him exposed wearing only your boxers with an erection under it.

"aww katsuki~ already hard and i haven't even done anything yet, maybe you're better off being the bottom hm?" you teased 

"s-shut up you shit head, just get on with it, whatever evil plan you have in store for tonight…"

"no need to rush katsuki" you said as you entered his asshole with 2 of your fingers, loosening him up for the vibrator. 

"we have the entire night."

you heard your own voice whimper as you explored more with your fingers. soon enough it was time to put the other toy in. your fingers left for a bit preparing the vibrator, leaving bakugou panting from the pleasure and clenching his hole around well, nothing. you turned on the vibrator and katsuki immediately noticed the familiar sound of what's in your hands. 

"o-oi y/n, don't put it in here, i-i won't be able to take it." 

"oh i'm sure you can~ you made me do it plenty of times, why can't the big and strong bakugou katsuki do it?"

without mercy, you put in the vibrator quickly and let the show play out. katsuki was moaning and groaning while you stroked your own cock enjoying the view. katuski's cock was bigger than yours and you weren't used to jacking off such a big dick but it was a nice first.

seeing a wet spot forming on katsuki's underwear, you knew he was ready to go. you took off katsuki's underwear to see the precum leaking from it, so much it looked like he was about to cum any second now. next, you took out the vibrator and started to spread some lube on your cock. you positioned yourself on top of the katsuki and teased his pink hole with your huge cock. 

"what do good boys say katsuki~?" 

"tch! i'm not saying it, y-you sadistic fuck."

you slapped katsuki's ass so loud that the neighbors probably could've heard you.

"i'm the one in control right now, you listen to what i say, understood?"

"f-fine, jesus christ! p-please y/n, put it inside me…" 

"that's a good boy…" 

after you fit ¾ of your cock in katsuki was already panting heavily trying to catch his breath. it reached his prostate you leaned down on his chest to bite on his nipples to make him feel even better. his hole clenched on your hole so tight you were barely able to move your cock around. you continued to make thrusts and sped them up each time. 

during your thrusts you suddenly felt the weird feeling when fighting the villain again. both you and bakugou's body started to burn up but it wasn't as painful as it was last time. next thing you know everything was pitch black. you felt a piece of black cloth on top of your eyes and a familiar size inside your ass. it didn't take you long to realize that you and bakugou finally switched back. 

you were glad to be back in your own body but why did it have to happen now?! out of all the times it could've happened this was no doubt the worst possible timing. you just teased the crap out of bakugou and now that he's in control again he can take his revenge right here, right now.

"oh? would you look at that…our bodies switched back…" you couldn't see katsuki say this but you could already tell the evil smile on his face. 

"k-katsuki i'm sorry, i didn't mean to tease you that hard i was just trying to have some fun y-y'know." you desperately tried to explain. 

"too late now baby boy… bad boys get punished for what they did. now… get ready, for the night of your fucking life." 

regret, nothing but regret. bakugou was already an aggressive person when it comes to sex, now that you pissed him off even more you weren't prepared for what he was about to do to you. 

without warning, katsuki pulled back his hips and thrusted into you harder than ever. you took his entire length right away and the full feeling in your ass was too overwhelming for you to handle. you started to blabber nonsense, unable to form words due to the pleasure. 

"c'mon baby… gotta speak up if you want me to understand you." bakugou said knowing damn well you can't talk back. 

incoherent moans and groans escaped from your mouth as you felt dry orgasms again and again from katsuki reaching your prostate. you were on the verge of passing out till you saw your husband's panting just as hard as you. you could tell he was very close as well. you tried your best to stay conscious and cum with your husbands. 

katsuki let out a loud moan as he cummed inside you. you reached your orgasm too cumming all over yourself. katsuki licked up the cum on your stomach as you slipped into sweet unconsciousness. he gave you a warm smile and patted your head as he took you into his arms and fell asleep with you. 

[somnambulants]

make me your future

summary: set during black widow. Yelena walks into a bar. A bar you happen to work in.  word count: 1.6K

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

Groaning internally, you roll your eyes at the line, not even bothering to look up at the person who’d said it.

Who even uses pickup lines anymore? Seriously?

“Not in the slightest.”

You continue to clean glasses behind the bar. Lining them up neatly one by one. Whoever it is, they can wait.

You’ve been working at this bar for about a year and a half since you’d moved to the city. It’s a decent job. Not what you’d pick if you had a choice, but you don’t hate it.

You have your favorite customers, too. Some of the regulars. The old man who shows you photos of his grandkids while nursing a beer. The woman with the fixed business-like expression who gives you an exorbitantly large tip every-time you bring her a glass of the already crazy expensive red wine she drinks.

Perks of working in a moderately upscale establishment known for it’s discretion for under the table, not strictly legal activities means you’re fortunate that the majority of your customers are nice and quiet and stay to themselves.

Well, usually anyway.

Clearly not everyone had gotten the memo.

“Weird,” the person doesn’t seem to sense the hostility in your voice, sliding onto the bar stool in front of you. You can detect a faint accent as they continue, more flirtatiously: “Me neither. Well...not until I saw you, at least.”

Raising an eyebrow at their boldness, you finally look up, ready to give them a piece of your mind and promptly lose the words that were forming on the tip of your tongue.

The woman in front of you is your type; so your type that your type doesn’t even describe how much of your type she is.

“Does that ever work on anyone?” You finally force out. You don’t know why you’re saying it; clearly it works. It’s working on you right now.

The woman shrugs. “I wouldn’t know,” she says, propping her elbows onto the table to rest her chin in her hands and looking at you intently. “Never tried it before. Is it working?”

Heat flushes up your neck under her gaze as you scramble for something to say. “Can I -- Can i get you anything?”

Her voice turns playful: “Your number?”

Twisting your lips to hide your smile at that, you also duck your head a little. “I meant anything to drink?”

“Oh,” she frowns a little, thinking. She doesn’t look offended by your clear diversion. “Water, I guess?”

“You’re not from around here, are you?” You can’t help yourself from asking as you slide a glass of water across the bar to her.

Her accent is puzzling to say the least. You’d say slavic of some kind for sure but she has hints of almost American inflections every now and then on some of her words.

It’s intriguing.

She gives you another smile, leaning in closer. “Visiting family,” she confirms. “My sister and her partner just moved here with their kids. She’s a science teacher.”

“That’s sweet of you to visit,” you say. “You must be close.”

She shrugs, taping her brightly painted nails along the rim of her glass. “We were as kids. Now not so much but we just reconnected recently.”

As she takes another sip of her water, you let your eyes linger on her face.

There’d been something about her words as she’d said them. Something that makes you think that her story isn’t as truthful as she’s making it out to be. Or maybe not at all.

Just a hunch of yours.

A lot of the patrons had stories like this they’d recount for you when you’d asked about anything even slightly personal - before you’d learned not to ask; stories that sounded like they could be true but more than likely weren’t.

Or weren’t the whole truth, anyway.

This bar was well known amongst those who needed to know that this was the place to go if you wanted to lay low. Or pretend to be someone else.

“And thankfully for me I came to visit,” she adds after downing the water, getting that playful glint in her eyes again as they snap back to your own. “Because here you are.”

You can’t help but laugh this time. She’s just so effervescently charming without even trying. “Yep. Here I am.”

You continue talking for what feels like only minutes but must be much longer; just about random stuff. The woman is surprisingly easy to talk to and adept at steering conversations to the point that you end up on the most obscure topics more than once.

When you look at the clock at some point, you’re almost blown away to see half your shift has gone by just talking to this woman whose name you don’t even know.

As if sensing where your thoughts have gone, she introduces herself. “I’m Yelena.”

“Y/N.”

The woman -- Yelena -- chuckles. Not unkindly. More like she thinks what you’ve said is amusing for some reason. “I know,” she says and you frown a little until you see her eyes on your name tag, which is pinned to the front of your shirt. 

 “Oh,” you say, a little embarrassed. “Right.”

As you turn your head, trying to hide the flush you’re assuming is creeping up your neck, you also notice the line of people in front of you that must have accumulated as you’d become distracted by her.

You groan. “Ill be right back.”

You serve faster than you’ve ever served. Practically throwing the drinks at all the patrons in your haste to get back to her in worry that she’ll get bored and leave eventually.

When you finally make your way through all of them and turn around, you find her seat still occupied and her in the same spot as before. Your heart does a backflip in relief.

“Sorry,” you say breathlessly as soon as you’re back in front of her, not really sure why you’re saying it, only sure that you are really sorry you’d had to leave her side. 

Yelena waves a hand, unbothered as she tilts her head towards you. “It’s fine. You’re cute when you’re flustered, you know?”

You freeze, not knowing how to react. “I  --”

This time, she outright laughs at your reaction, which leaves you no doubt looking even more flustered than before. Her eyes glowing with almost-childlike glee as she grins at you teasingly. “See? Cute.”

“Oh yes,” a voice drawls. You turn, only to find the voice belongs to a weirdly familiar looking red head, who is eyeing you up and down with an unreadable look on her face. “Just... adorable.”

“This is Natasha,” Yelena says, looking between you both. “My... sister. The...science teacher.”

Oh. 

So the sister is in fact real. And the sister is also looking at you with a knowing look in her eyes. 

She most definitely doesn’t look like a science teacher. You’re sure science teachers probably don’t walk around clad all in leather. Or look like they could snap you in half. At least none of the ones you’d ever had.

You’re also pretty sure that science teachers don’t also double up as members of the avengers, but you don’t say anything to that fact.

You do however recognise the black widow as soon as you see her. She’s pretty unmistakable, after all. 

“Oh,” you say. “Can I get you a drink?”

As you ask, you pretend you don’t see the tail ends of the way Natasha is mouthing the words: science teacher? to her with clear quizzicality. Or Yelena’s clearly unbothered shrug in response.

Natasha inclines her head at your words. “No. Thank you. I think we better get going, actually. Yelena?”

Yelena’s lips form into a pout. “Already?”

Heart sinking down to the soles of your feet, you pretend to fiddle around behind the bar as they seem to have a silent argument with their eyes in front of you.

It ends with Yelena rolling her eyes with a little huff. Reaching into her pocket to grab a couple of bills and stuff them into your tip jar, she gives you one last smile. Her smile is so infectious that you’re helpless to do anything but smile back, trapped under her spell. 

You don’t know how she managed to do it but in the tiny amount of time you’d spent around her, she’d had you almost convinced that love at first sight was a thing. 

And that you were it’s next victim. 

And because of that, you’d never forgive yourself for what happens next. You’re distracted for a brief moment, pulled away to serve another customer as they both continue to converse silently and then when you turn back around, they’re both gone.

No sign of Yelena. Or her sister. It’s like they’d vanished into thin air.

You scan the room multiple times but come up empty.

She’s gone.

--

(You lose hope pretty quickly that she’s ever going to come back. A week goes by. Then another. And another.

Nothing.

Months pass by with nothing and slowly, you start to forget you ever met her. Well, not quite; you never get out of the habit of looking at the door at work every now and then hopefully but you stop expecting anything after a while.  

Until one day it changes.

You’re in the middle of serving someone and just as you hand them their drink, you hear a voice you’d assumed you’d never hear again come from behind you.  

“So...do you believe in love at first sight yet?”

You turn around so fast you’re surprised you don’t get whiplash.

There she is.

It’s definitely her. She looks a little different, her hair a little longer. But it’s definitely her. That smile is hers.

You grin back at her.

“Go out and come back in and i’ll tell you.”)

[waywardvictorianconfessions]

This isn’t a confession, but as a longtime, yet casual, fan of EA, it seems painfully obvious to me that she has always been a creative that is mentally ill (I say this as someone with many family members who suffer from BPD, and as someone who also is mentally ill and regularly “overreacts” to the things I experience—leading to much shame and embarrassment). She has spoken at length regarding her thoughts on who she actually is without her mental illness, and I can completely understand why, as so many common symptoms of BPD permeate her actions. This is, in no way, condoning anyone to act horrifically towards others just because you are mentally ill—but I think what is happening here is many people are judging a woman who has lived a life most of us couldn’t fathom, and also is influenced by an illness that is, more often than not, infuriating to everyone involved based on how illogical and unfair it is.

This “take” won’t cover all situations, of course, and it is not meant to. But the criticisms I’m seeing amount mostly to people showing up to a circus and being surprised that the clowns act like clowns.

this is very interesting. i love reading these types of confessions. (or non confessions lol) i happen diagnosed with bpd and i'm talking all 9 diagnostic criteria ...i don't see it. but i def do see the bipolar symptoms when it comes to EA ( would you guess i'm also diagnosed with bipolar!) but either way i agree, i don't get why so many people act surprised when she acts like a mentally ill individual when she's mentioned many times ... she's mentally ill. and sadly meds and therapy, even long term, doesn't always do something. especially change an entire person. anyways. i have the strongest love-hate relationship with ea. i'm curious how other people with bpd or bpd family members felt on her views on people with bpd in her book? hopefully that can spark a discussion!

~ much love, nurse admin 🦷

ps. im probably gonna get it for replying so much to this im sorry.

[book-of-yanderes]

Hi! I just found your account (and I love that you made it clear that there is a difference between fiction and reality, didn't saw it often enough till now) and saw that you even write for OHHS? Is this a dream come true?? ✨ Could I request a yandere Hikaru with a rather introverted reader who (not only doesn't gets hints) keeps to themselves most of the times, but just have problems expressing that they care for others? You know, the type that say "you should take more care of yourself" when you are ill in a not very empathizing way, but then put a little 'eat and drink this, the medicine is on the bottom, get well soon, dont overwork yourself' note with a little bag of grocery stuff inside his locker? I kinda wanna see him going yandere, just completely madness ✨🥺 You don't have to ofc! Have a great night anyways!

Oblivious, Yet Caring (Yandere Hikaru x Reader)

Word Count: 1129

Warnings: obsession, jealousy, possessiveness

-----

It was the same thing, again.

Hikaru and Kaoru had pulled out a shenanigan that ended up with Hikaru hurting himself.

He didn’t care though. 

As a host, it helped him with the princesses and princes that love him. They worried about him and he would feign pain to have them fawn over him even more.

The one thing he didn’t expect was his classmate Y/N to help him out.

“Seriously, you need to be more careful, Hikaru.” they spoke as they helped him organize his shelf in his bedroom.

They were good enough friends that Hikaru invited Y/N over quite a bit. Although he found he was starting to fall for them with how much they tended to him and cared for him. And sure, they came to support him at the Host Club, but it was moments like this where he found himself growing more and more fond of his friend.

But he didn’t expect to get sick just a few weeks after his injury healed.

“Hey, maybe don’t be at the club if you’re not feeling well, Hikaru,” Kaoru commented as he saw Hikaru trying to hide yet another cough during their lunch.

Hikaru looked at Kaoru with a blank expression for a moment before smiling wide. “Hey! I’m completely fine with hosting! Anyways, you and I are a pair…” a cough cut him off and Hikaru was quick to grab his napkin to cover his mouth.

“Seriously… you should go home and rest.” Kaoru only seemed displeased with his brother’s actions.

Kaoru wasn’t the only one.

Y/N was still in the classroom, organizing their wallet/purse before going out to buy themself a lunch. It was easy to note Hikaru wasn’t feeling well, and that was enough for them to feel sorry for him.

An idea was quick to form in Y/N’s head as they left the room, enough for them to hurry off to the local convenience store instead of the restaurant they first had planned to go to.

By the time lunch was almost over, Y/N was back. In their hand was a delicate and pretty package, something fancier than the commoner’s brown sack for a lunch. Before sneaking over to the locker designated to Hikaru, they checked the contents one last time before slipping in a written note. They opened the door to Hikaru’s locker and shut it. 

Thank goodness the classroom trusted each other enough to keep the lockers unlocked in the back of the room.

Soon, it was time to resume lessons, helping to pass time along.

---

“Just go home, I’ll tell boss that you’re not feeling well.” Kaoru was done with it. He knew Hikaru wasn’t feeling well.

Fed up with how much lecturing came from his brother, Hikaru caved in. “Fine… I’ll go home.”

It was enough for Kaoru. He ended up heading off fast to the music room, leaving Hikaru alone in the classroom. Everyone was gone, except for him.

Hikaru walked over to his designated locker and opened it, grabbing his bag automatically before noticing the foreign object placed on the shelf in the locker. It was an orange and blue bag, decorated in a blue ribbon and a fake blue flower. It wasn’t something he was expecting, but he was curious all the same.

He grabbed it and began to open it, finding the folded note first.

   “Hikaru, I overheard that you were sick and saw how bad it’s been affecting you today in class. I made this little goody bag for you with some items to hopefully help you recover quickly.                                                 Get well soon!                                                              Y/N”

Hikaru set the note down on the desk and went to start pulling out the items. There in the bag was herbal tea, some freshly ground ginger in a small glass jar, and a few cans of his favorite chicken flavored soup.

Y/N did all of this for him?

They really did care about him.

But what Hikaru didn’t expect was for this to make him snap.

If Y/N was this caring for him, then they had to be that special somebody.

He had to be with them.

---

Over the next few weeks after Hikaru had recovered, he did everything to grab Y/N’s attention. Subtle hints of how he loved them, how he was overjoyed to see them, spending time with them also increased.

But Y/N didn’t seem to notice the love Hikaru was pouring out to them.

He was getting frustrated.

Any time he saw them talking to the other hosts when they came to hang out at the club visibly upset him.

When Tamaki went to do his usual approach on a guest, it was the last straw.

“Y/N, come with me!” Hikaru shouted across the room when he saw Tamaki dip them.

The shout startled both parties, making Tamaki and Y/N look over at Hikaru. Tamaki was quick to bring them back up, but they were sdnatched quickly by a pissed off Hikaru.

“Hikaru, what’s wrong?” Y/N asked as he dragged them out of the room and into a quiet and more hidden hallway in the school.

Hikaru didn’t respond off the bat and instead went to corner Y/N, trapping them between his arms. Their faces were only a few inches apart, both locking eyes with one another.

“How stupid are you?” he nearly shouted it.

Y/N only kept silent, mouth agape with no answer coming out. Their eyes were wide, not understanding why their friend was so upset.

“I love you and you don’t even see it! And to allow Tamaki to romance you like that? When I’m obviously showing you my feelings for you?”

The confession mixed with anger was making Hikaru red in the face, although Y/N also now had a face dusted with the pink of the blood rushing into their cheeks. Never did they think Hikaru was in love with them.

“Hikaru… I didn’t know you liked me in that way.”

“Well, I do!” 

After that statement, he pulled Y/N into his arms and hugged them tightly. He nuzzled into their upper neck before having his lips close to their ear.

“You always worry about my wellbeing, how can I not fall in love with that? I want you to be mine and mine alone. No one else’s.”

His breathing was shaky as he continued to hold onto Y/N tightly. He was still a bit angry, but now he was calming down as he held them. This felt right, to have them in his arms. And when they began to raise their own arms around him, he felt joy begin to surge throughout him.

“Y/N, be my love. Be with me forever.”

[aminiatureworld]

Damocles

Characters: Zhongli, fm!reader

Word Count: 3,211

Warnings: Hanahaki disease – depictions of a fictional illness with symptoms mimicking tuberculosis, mentions of coughing up blood, talking a lot about death

Premise: In which the reader thinks Zhongli doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, and fears the consequences.

Author’s Note: Ngl, I don’t think I’ve ever really heard about this trope before, except maybe in passing. So if it’s a little weird that’s why.

I ended up taking the story in a bit of a macabre direction. Hopefully not too melodramatic, but I kinda like how it turned out.

Zhongli

“Thank you for telling me, but I’m afraid I cannot return your feelings. I’m sorry to be a disappointment.”

 In truth you couldn’t decide whether or not you had expected your feelings to be returned. You and Zhongli had been friends for years now, and you had grown closer to him than you had to most of your previous friends and acquaintances. Indeed, you had grown closer to him than you had to many of the people you’d been in previous relationships in. You called upon him in some form almost every day, whether it be to discuss something of importance or simply bask in his presence. When there was something new you found about, whether it be a story in a book or a particularly funky looking shell, you almost immediately sought out Zhongli to share your find with.

For Zhongli’s part, he also liked to share experiences with you. At the very least you couldn’t say that your friendship was one sided. He often would be the one to walk up to you on the street, a new brand of tea written down on a piece of paper in his pocket, or a location where one could find particularly beautiful glaze lilies on his lips. He never seemed to mind when you peppered him with endless questions, or talked his ear off about your own day; something which you often asked if he found annoying. No, you were very sure that Zhongli wasn’t simply spending time with you out of pity.

In truth it was your friends who guessed the trajectory of your personal feelings before you did. Though you often found their poking and prodding intensely irritating, they had the common sense to keep the questions to a minimum – perhaps in hope their silence might guarantee that your affections would reveal themselves naturally one day. Now though you had to admit they had been right. You had fallen for Zhongli how long ago? It seemed so difficult to say when, so gradually had your feelings changed from viewing him as a confidante to viewing him as something more. Once you had finally come to terms with it you’d put off revealing your feelings as long as possible.

It wasn’t just the chance of rejection, something that would already cause emotions to run high. You had seen what sort of disease could ravage those who were unlucky in love. One of your own friends had suffered from such a disease, a fellow member of the Liyue Qixing had died from such a thing only a few months ago.

It was a terrible disease, everyone at least could agree about that. The origins of such an unfathomable sickness was much less understood. Most saw it as a curse from the gods, a punishment to the humans who would love a fellow mortal more than those who ruled above them, who gave their protection, their mercy, and their gifts to the people below. Others argued that it was simply a result of stress, for what heart could take the shock of a truly deep rejection. A rare parasite, a curse from malevolent demons, all these theories made little difference when it came to the actual disease. You were fairly sure anyways that people dying of it couldn’t care less why it happened, only that it was happening to them.

First came the coughing, easy enough to ignore in a land where the common cold truly lived up to its name. Then you couldn’t run as fast or as far as you had once, at least on the days were you weren’t fighting off crippling fatigue – the night sweats doing little to help you in your desperate need for rest. Then the fever set in, then the blood that stained the porcelain sink. By the time the first few petals would appear emaciation would already begin to claim your muscle mass and the precious body fat that kept you alive. Some people didn’t even get to the point of regurgitating fully formed flowers. Those people were usually considered lucky, for when one must deal with an incurable disease, well, surely it is better to go sooner rather than later.

You wouldn’t lie and say that wasn’t one of the reasons it took you so long to confess. After all, what you don’t know won’t kill you, right? You weren’t actually sure about that, but it sounded right in your mind, regardless of its actual veracity. However, as with most people in love, you’d found a growing recklessness inside you, paired with the sudden desperation for a happiness which you would certainly never obtain at this rate. So you’d made up your mind to tell him, deciding that perhaps the certainty would be better than the ever growing cloud of anxiety that surrounded your thoughts.

Now you’d been rejected. You had to admit that your first reaction was utter panic, the distinct feeling of having made a terrible sort of mistake. Oh sure, your feelings were undeniably hurt, but that was less important than the virtual death sentence you’d been handed. Why oh why had you decided to do this? The world seemed to swim in front of your for a moment, as simultaneously everything came into sharp focus and faded away into the recesses of your mind. What would you do now? There was nothing to do, you just had to wait for the inevitable, wait for the cold embrace of death to welcome you to its abode. You took deep breaths, trying to control yourself. Tears were forming in your eyes, but you knew that they weren’t from romantic distress. Ironically romance was the last thing in your mind right now.

“I, I see. Thank you for your honesty.”

It was all you could manage to make out. Turning around, head light from fear, you bolted down the streets of Liyue, desperate to be in your home, desperate to ignore the sword of Damocles that now hung dangerously low over your head.

 Zhongli watched you go, watched as you stumbled your way through the crowd that always packed the streets of Liyue in the daytime. He was fine, he was perfectly fine. He had seen it through, had done what he knew was right. There was no reason to regret. Surely the small stab of pain he felt was temporary, a pinprick compared to all that the ex-archon had suffered over the years.

Zhongli had suspected that a confession like this might’ve been on the horizon for quite some time now. Not that he was dreading it out of a personal inability to reciprocate. No, in his heart Zhongli already reciprocated your suspected feelings. He loved you, adored you even; within the stony heart that had atrophied over years of war, suffering, and personal duty, grew a love that Zhongli had not felt for a very long time. He cherished every moment with you, knowing that his long life would try to compress the memories that were so precious to them. Seeing you whenever he could, dragged out conversations as long as he possibly could, Zhongli was practically desperate for time with you. He was also intensely aware of how short that time would ultimately be.

How could Zhongli push the curse of loving an immortal being on you? For it truly was a curse, to both parties involved. His side was painful of course, the knowledge that your memory, you lifespan even, would slip through his fingers like grains of sand. He would always be wondering whether or not the two of you would be experiencing a “last”. Last visit to the sea, last time to climb up the Huaguang Stone Forest to watch the sunset together. Last, last, last. Always the shadow of death would hang over you, so palpable in Zhongli’s mind that he might almost reach out and grasp the gossamer veil that would eventually steal you away. Yes, it would be a truly painful experience. Not nearly as painful however as your own experience.

Zhongli had long ago come to the conclusion that mortals had no true concept of the passage of time. You were young now, the world was your oyster. Zhongli’s immortal status would be nothing more than a passing thought, an anomaly and nothing more. Then your 40th birthday would pass, then you 50th, then you 60th, 70th, 80th. By the time you reached the end of your life the difference between you and Zhongli would stretch out like a chasm between the two of you, something to never be reconciled, for the old rarely forgave the young for their youth. Not to mention the other scenario, the one that Zhongli would never allow the freedom to truly cloud his thoughts. Your death of old age would be a tragedy, the alternative a catastrophe.

He knew all this, had seen it time and time again. Zhongli was hardly the first immortal being to fall in love with a mortal, would not be the last. Adepti, archons, all walks of immortal life were drawn to humanity, drawn to the freedom that came with mortality. Humans did things because they died; they had no forcible tie to nature, no innate duty other than to themselves. Humans could be wicked or kind or cruel or merciful as they wished. To those who were chained by their destiny, well, there was something very anomalous in such a choice. Perhaps it was no surprise then that an immortal being would inevitable find themselves interacting with those supposedly below them. Perhaps it was no surprise that this often led to love.

All that being true, Zhongli still refused to give into his needless selfishness. He loved you, yes. Knowing that was enough. He wouldn’t push such a burden on you, wouldn’t cause you resentment or pain. It would be better if you thought that your feelings weren’t reciprocated, it would be less painful.

Nor would you have to worry about the curse to which many less lucky fell. Zhongli still loved you, still cherished you deeply. You would never have to worry about that, for archons and adepti do not move on from love the way humans do. Zhongli’s love for you would long outlast your lifespan, one which, the archon prayed, would be very long indeed.

Yes, everything had been handled well enough. Perhaps you would never wish to speak with him again, perhaps you would grow to resent him even, how quickly love can turn into hate. It didn’t matter though. Zhongli had shielded you from long, drawn-out suffering, and that was all that mattered. He should’ve been satisfied, should have felt relief. Instead however he only felt a great sadness pressing down, a sadness combined with the pain that accompanied a love that must never truly be realized.

 It had been nine days since you’d been rejected by Zhongli. Crossing off another square on the calendar which you had dug out of your old stationary you sighed. The nine days succeeding the encounter had been utter hell. At first you were convinced that the worst thing that could happen was the symptoms of the wretched illness showing up quickly, so convinced you were that the next day you would wake up with blood on your pillow. Soon however, you’d come to a completely different conclusion. There was nothing worse than waiting.

Every day was spent in the agony of anticipation, every day waiting for the coughing to begin, for the night sweats to begin ravaging your sleep, for the breathe to be stolen from your lungs. Yet every day you woke up with none of these things, though your fatigue was real enough.

You should have been relieved, should have been glad for the opportunity to live even a few more days. Yet instead of relief you only felt deep, unrelenting dread. You couldn’t bring yourself to do anything, so crippled were you by morbid anticipation.

Not that your thoughts were particularly worthwhile either. Perhaps it would be one thing if your ruminations had brought up something profound, something that you could write down in a book for your family or your friends. Though it still would be poor solace, well, at least it’d be something. But your thoughts had all turned to mush, replaced by a paranoia so strong it confined you to your bed most days.

You thought that the death sentence would in some way be freeing, that you might be able to recklessly throw yourself at all the things you had avoided out of fear for so long. Instead you found yourself depressed, waiting for an inevitable so terrifying you found yourself disconnecting from the people around you. What did it matter anyways? You’d be dead soon enough.

This gross neglect of your wellbeing was at least somewhat allayed by the routine that had been drilled into your body from so many years working for the Liyue Qixing. Though you didn’t go to work, something you were sure you were going to hear about eventually, you still dared to venture out to the market. At the very least you would eat your fill in good for before the end was nigh. No need to worry about your health after all. Besides, your definition of good food didn’t necessarily always align with completely unhealthy.

Walking through the familiar streets you stared at the people around you. How odd it was to see people so close you could touch them but so far they might as well have been in Inazuma. Was there anyone else here suffering like you were? Anyone who could understand the thoughts that now flooded your brain? You stared at the ground, trying not to think about it. You’d be confronted with these thoughts the minute you got home anyways. Might as well delay it a bit.

Turning to find the fishmonger you spied a familiar silhouette. Stopping in your tracks you stared unabashedly at Zhongli. The man seemed to be carrying himself much as ever, but the unapproachable atmosphere which he’d blanketed himself in seemed somewhat more prominent. Perhaps it was your imagination, he seemed to be talking to the butcher easily enough. Not that it was any of your business. Zhongli wasn’t any of your business anymore. It would be better if you could forget him, if you could erase this feeling in your heart that refused to go away. Even now Zhongli was beautiful. Even now you wished to run up to him, to hug him, to make pretend everything was right with the world. You couldn’t do that though. Just as you couldn’t forget him, you couldn’t love him. Not in the way you wanted. Turning away you trudged back home, good food utterly forgotten.

It was day eighteen since Zhongli had rejected you, and by now your emotions were running almost unbearably high. You’d sunk into an odd reverie of adrenaline, anxiety, and utter disbelief. What in the world was going on? This was a familiar illness to you, something that had almost claimed the life of your friend and had felled your coworker. You knew everything about symptoms, timeline, etc.; and what you knew was you were supposed to be falling ill ages ago. Eighteen days between the initial rejection and the beginning of symptoms? It was unheard of! You didn’t know what to think. Were the rumors about the gods true, had Zhongli imposed some divine protection on you for the sake of your friendship? Were you somehow a superhuman who had the white blood cell coding to defeat the bacteria that caused this disease? Why hadn’t your descent begun yet?

You lounged on the couch, having moved out of your bedroom on the thirteenth day, three days after the latest possible showing of symptoms. Though you still felt deeply afraid, you found that curiosity was a surprisingly good deterrent when it wanted to be. Your fears hadn’t disappeared, but mixed with them was a disbelief so great that you often found your thoughts drifting to questions of how rather than questions of when.

Of course your initial instinct had been to seek out Zhongli. Pride mixed with fear however had kept you firmly at home. Really what was the point in even seeking out the answer to your miraculous reprieve at this point? It wouldn’t really change the outcome. Instead you might as well enjoy this unexpected extension of your life. Besides, you didn’t want to tempt the fates a second time.

 Zhongli stood at the window of your first story apartment, a glaze lily in hand. He hadn’t meant to do this, but the urge refused to leave him.

He’d noticed you a few times at the market, face drawn, eyes empty. Zhongli wasn’t sure what exactly he was expecting, but certainly this wasn’t it. He knew you weren’t suffering from illness, your pace was strong, if slightly erratic, your general aura not that of the sick that Zhongli was all too familiar with. Why then did you look so terrible? The doubts that had plagued Zhongli began to rise again, jeering at the mistake he had made. He was supposed to protect you, right? Why then did you look as if you had experienced a total health collapse?

At first Zhongli tried to ignore it. You had not come to him for help, it was not his place to try and insert himself back in your life once more. The more he thought of you however, the more he found himself uneasy. He had to have some form of communication, some way to enquire about your health. At least one last time. If you explicitly rejected all forms of contact, well then Zhongli would leave. He would never defy your wishes in such a way. Until then however, he felt like he needed to ask.

The idea of walking up to your apartment and asking you was utterly off the table. Who knew how that might end? No, he wanted a subtler way. Glaze lilies had always been a favorite of yours, sneaking out into the evening to see them bloom even more so. He would simply leave one on your windowsill. If you took it, then he would enquire about your health. If you left it, well Zhongli would have his answer.

His hand trembled slightly as he stared at the windowsill, causing the gold ribbon tied around the lily to tremble slightly. At first Zhongli wanted only to give you the flower. He realized soon however that you might be confused, wondering if someone had not simply dropped a flower on your windowsill, or had the wind blown it there? The ribbon would hopefully clear things up. Even if it looked a little silly.

Slowly placing the flower down onto the open window Zhongli sighed. Turning around he did not dare spare a glance backwards. He would have his answer soon enough after all. Until then, well, there was no point in looking back.

 You exited from the kitchen, having finally felt the energy to make yourself that good food you’d been promising yourself. Going to look at the sunset you let out a soft gasp.

On your windowsill was a single glaze lily, wrapped in gold.

[softluci]

talking to myself

[to begin, i wanna give a TW for mentions of m/rder, as well as s/icide and s/icidal jokes and thoughts; i know that i personally make a lot of jokes like these and so do a lot of my friends and people in general, but i also know that this can be really triggering for a lot of people, so if you are one of those people, this is not the post for you. take care of yourselves.] 

i’m, like, 100% sure that this is something associated with younger people, but in case it isn’t, i’ll just talk about myself. so, i talk to myself a lot. like, a lot. even more than i used to now that i’m alone a lot of the time. and the things that i say (and my friends also say), while they have no basis in reality, they are thoroughly unhinged. and i know that. but! i also find it incredibly funny and i wanted to do a set of headcanons for an mc who talks to themselves like that. some examples of things i say, some of which are things i picked up from my friends, include: 

“you’re sick” (/neg) “this is deranged” “the derangement” “i am insane” “i can’t take it anymore” [sobbing] “this is getting annoying, i need a fucking gun.” “i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s day.” “and it’s like, why, you know?”  “i’m gonna start killing people” “oh my god, i’m totally buggin” “get the FUCK—” “every day, i am provoked to rage” [unprovoked, uncontrollable laughter] “this reality...it wants me to be a murderer.” “i will kill.” “i don’t wanna” “it’s an illness that you have” “i would kill myself in front of you and permanently alter the trajectory of your life.” “it is time for the immense power of violence.” “don’t make me get violent~” “okay so just die then.” “i’m gonna rip you apart with my teeth.” “i’ll just die, that’s fine.”  and so on, and so forth. 

this is kinda long, but whatever, mc is gn, let’s have fun.

lucifer 

lucifer liked to think that he’d gotten used to you and your tendency to speak with little to no thought. he didn’t love this about you, but he certainly learned to expect it as the days went by. what he didn’t know, however, was that you talked to yourself. his guess was that you’d been refraining from doing so around him, as there was literally no other explanation for what had just happened to his state of being.

he was on his way to the kitchen, just to get some coffee before heading back to his office, when he heard something hit the floor. it didn’t sound like anything broke, so he wasn’t too concerned, but, nevertheless, he quickened his pace. 

he was not prepared for what you said, nor the venom you said it with, as he heard—

“this reality...it wants me to be a murderer, an instrument of evil...fine.”

you definitely weren’t expecting him to approach you as quickly as he did and grab your chin the way he did, but he was making sure you weren’t possessed. upon finding out that, no, you weren’t possessed, you’d just dropped a spoon, he took about seventeen points of psychic damage. 

mc, he is old and tired and he’s not used to this new flavor of humans who like to say the most deranged things they can think of whenever they’re slightly inconvenienced. you are shaving decades off of his life. he can’t tell you to refrain from doing that because you have been, so he is going to take it upon himself to try and make your life easier whenever he can. hopefully it’ll work, and you won’t be moved to unhinge yourself from your sanity the next time you make a small mistake. 

mammon

mammon is around you often enough to know that you talk to yourself every now and again. nothing too out of the ordinary, maybe some comments about the homework you were working on or whatever you were doing on your d.d.d. he was also around you often enough to know that the things you said weren’t always well thought-out, or thought-out at all. he wasn’t judging, he had no place to, he knew that, but—you know, he can’t say he was prepared for this. 

he was on his way to your room, as per usual, when, as he got to your doorway, you were overcome by something vile and you said, “i will kill.”

he has never burst into your room faster. he’s in your face, he’s yelling, his hands are on your shoulders, he’s this close to thrashing you around in hopes that whatever evil crawled inside of you while he wasn’t looking will come flying out—

what...did you say? you made a mistake on your homework? you made a mistake on your homework and your next course of action was to make anyone in a 300 foot radius think you’re possessed? you’re more boneheaded than he thought, and you should feel ashamed at this moment because this is the resident bonehead speaking. moving on, though. 

how can he make you into a happier person overall so that this doesn’t happen? if you don’t know, he’ll just attach himself to your hip so he can find out. congratulations, he’s never leaving you alone.

levi

levi is no stranger to saying things he doesn’t mean in moments of stress—this is just what happens when a person spends a lot of time playing games online. he’s said some pretty off-color things during matches, strings of curses, and the like, but he has never said, nor heard anything like what just left your mouth.

“i’m gonna start killing people.”

at first, he didn’t really react, giving you a quick glance and asking, “in the game, right?”

upon being met with silence, he looked to see you gripping your controller too tightly to actually use it, and asked again, “in the game, right?”

you blinked, apparently freed from whatever rage induced trance you slipped into, and turned towards him, “did you say something?”

he blinked at you once, twice, like the gears in his head were turning, and then—hysteria. 

he has you pinned to the floor with your wrists above your head, horns protruding from his scalp, and he is screaming—who are you, what have you done with mc, tell him your name before he summons lotan, leave his friend alone, and so on and so forth. he was interrogating you before you could even process the situation enough to feel fear. 

once he got over the bulk of his panic, he heard you screaming back at him, telling him it was you, you weren’t possessed, just talking to yourself, and let go of your wrists before he breaks them—he understood, kind of. he has no idea why you’d choose a phrase like that for when you’re annoyed, but at least you weren’t possessed! his henry was safe after all ^_^

he was so relieved that it took him a few seconds to realize he was still…pinning you down…and straddling you…so, naturally, more hysteria.

satan 

he’d actually grown fond of you and your tendency to speak with no thought or regard for the consequences of your actions—mainly because it stressed lucifer out, but he was fond of it nonetheless. it made you all the more interesting, more fun to talk to, and it helped him read you better. he liked to pick you apart by way of conversation, and he liked to do it as often as possible. 

presently, he was on his way to the library to meet you. the two of you were set to talk about a series you decided to read together. as he approached the doorway, he heard your voice, but no one else’s. he smiled in place of a laugh. were you talking to yourself? how cute—

“every day...i am provoked to rage unimaginable. why?” 

before you could even finish exhaling, he was above you, holding your face in his hands. from the glow of his eyes, you could tell he was barely keeping it together, but you had no idea what was wrong. did he hear what you said?

he said your name carefully, swiping his thumbs under your eyes. “have we been spending too much time together?” 

he was rubbing off on you, in the worst possible way. how could he have allowed this to happen? what has he done to you? where did this anger of yours come from? it has to be because of him. it would hurt, but he would distance himself from you at once, if that’s what—

“ah, did you hear what i said? i talk to myself like this all the time, satan, i’ve been doing it since before we even met. sorry if i frightened you.” 

he blinked, hands dropping to your shoulders. he was relieved, but so, so confused. 

“well,” he started, “then let’s talk about that instead.” 

asmo 

if you’d been refraining from talking to yourself around lucifer, you definitely did it for asmo too. there was no one in this house who wanted to see you angry less than he did. anger was such an ugly emotion, wasn’t it? he much preferred sadness; it was easier to manage, both in himself and others. 

of course, he could never think about being angry or sad when he was with you! how could he, when he’s with one of his favorite people? presently, he was on his way to your room to pick you up for one of your weekly outings. oh, you left the door open for him and everything! he was about to call out to you, but then he heard you talking to someone—he had no idea who it possibly could’ve been because he had no idea you could even sound like that when speaking to a sentient being. 

“i will rip you apart with my fucking teeth.” 

he had his arms around you before you even knew he was in your room. it seemed like a hug, and in a way, it was! the intent was to keep you in place so you couldn’t run away, rather than to comfort you, but it’s not like you could tell; his arms were around you all the time anyway.

“mc, light of my life, apple of my eye, who are you talking to?”

you twisted in his hold to face him, “i talk to myself all the time, asmo, you can ask anyone.”

he hummed, staring at you for a while before changing his hold on you into an actual hug. 

“you had me worried for a minute, darling~”

he didn’t really believe you, but he figured he would know if you were lying, and he could definitely handle whatever vile thing wormed its way into you while nobody was looking. best case scenario, he really didn’t have anything to worry about, and worst case scenario, you started speaking in tongues in the middle of majolish. if the latter happened to occur, he was strong enough to purge a lower demon from your body. it might hurt a lot a little , but at least you’d be safe!

beel 

for the most part, beel didn’t feel any particular way about your inclination to say words with no thought behind them. it was just something you did, like anything else was; he accepted it the same way he accepted everything else about you because that’s what friends do for each other. however—he would be lying if he said you didn’t upset him at times. 

like today—he was set to do his homework with you, on his way to the living room with an armful of snacks, when he heard something like the tip of a pencil breaking. it didn’t bother him, but it seemed to bother you. a lot. 

“i—i’ve had it, i’m gonna kill myself and ruin everyone’s goddamn day.” 

all of his snacks scattered across the floor when he dropped them to get to you. his hands were on your shoulders, but he wasn’t grabbing you. fortunately (or, unfortunately), belphie did this around him all the time, so he knew what to do, albeit it wasn’t much. 

slowly, he pulled you into a hug. not a crushing one, but enough to keep you from going anywhere. 

you started to explain yourself, telling him you do this all the time, that you didn’t mean it, that you were fine. it did nothing to reassure him because those were all of belphie’s usual phrases, but he appreciated the sentiment. 

“i know,” he started, pulling away from you. “i’m just making sure you don’t go anywhere. i like having you around. that’s all.”

belphie 

alright, this house isn’t big enough for the two of you. he is the vocally unwell person around these parts, he is the one who everyone is concerned about at all times, thank you very much. he was the one who made the jokes about death. he was the one with the concerning one-liners. that was all him. he wasn’t proud of it, he didn’t like the fact that things were this way, but it was what it was. he didn’t want you to be like him, and yet, there you were doing exactly that—even if you didn’t know. 

he was in your room, in your bed, actually— unbeknownst to you—because he was having trouble sleeping. you were somewhere in the house, on your way there, and once you arrived, it seemed like you were stressed. he didn’t know for sure, but he had a hunch that something was just eating away at you because as soon as you came in the door, you threw your bag on the ground and said—

well, you didn’t say anything, at first. the first thing you did was laugh. it was unrestrained, loud, and completely void of joy. and then, you said, “i can’t—i can’t fucking do this, i’ll just die, that’s fine, that’s okay.” 

he sat up faster than he has in the last century, deciding to be merciful and overlook how hard you gasped when you saw he was there. 

“belphie? why are you in my room?” 

he stood up, approaching you at a snail’s pace, “i couldn’t sleep, i was waiting for you, next question—why did you say what you just said?” 

before you could even start your usual explanation—you do this all the time, it’s fine, you’re fine—he was speaking again. 

“and don’t—don’t even try that, ‘it’s fine, ask anyone,’ shit with me, that’s my go-to, so you’re gonna have to come up with something new.” 

he looked at you expectantly, reaching behind you to close the door, locking it soon after. 

“belphie—”

he pulled you to your bed, falling onto it with you and holding you in place. 

“i have been doing this for much longer than you, and i will be doing it for a long time after you. i’d like to postpone the latter for as long as possible, so i would appreciate it if you talked to me.”

[leonwrites4u]

HII HI!!! guess whos back? its me!! im just back again sending another request to you, hopefully you can do this whe possible, but ill just get started with it anyways...

can you do Leon Kuwata, Mondo Owada, ad Sayaka Maizono with a S/O who has a Beidou personality from genshin impact? heres the info :D

Beidou’s long brown hair, large 3 pointed hairpin, and red eyepatch across her left eye immediately catches the attention of onlookers.She has ruby red eyes that complement her qipao dress of the same color, which she wears a black leotard/corset hybrid underneath. On her shoulders is a short, furred cape, and on her left hip her vision can be seen attached by golden rope.She wears black thigh high stockings with golden heels to pair with the various anchor motifs displayed at the top of them.

Despite her rugged appearance, Beidou is a very personable, sociable soul. She very much marches to the beat of her own drum and indulges in many a vice, whether it be drinking her hefty jug of alcohol dry or feasting so wildly it’d make a pig blush. This gets her on Ningguang’s bad side regularly, as she has racked up quite the amount of fines and scoldings for the frequent breaking of Liyue’s rules. Nonetheless, nobody can deny her skill and savvy, and as such she still is one of the most in demand people in all of the country.

thats it!! sorry if its long, your the best!! have an amazing day and remember to drink alot of water today (:

Hell yeah! Of course I can! Im actually trying to build Beidou

!! G/n reader, not proof read!!

Leon Kwata and Sayaka Maizono with a S/O like Beidou

Leon

So your pretty, smart and have a knack for adventure? Hell yeah

He'll try to okay music for your crew

And probably fail but it's okay

He tried and that's what matters

Whenever you talk about adventure, he's always prepared

"Oh, hell yeah! Let's go! I'm so damn ready for this!"

He loves you

The energy you give off makes him smile

He appreciates you so he'll be sure to keep you safe when he has to

Sometimes even keeping you from doing dumb stuff

Sayaka

AAAAAA

She loves you and your crew

When you all travel, she'll preform some songs

Maybe just watch you take control

She loves how much of a leader you can be

She adores you and your abilities

Sayaka isn't so quick to accept going on adventures but she wants to help you and accompany you in any way she can

Sayaka loves staring at the water or talking to your crew as you lead a few others

Of course, she isn't so keen on your little drinking problem

"Ah, s/o, won't you join us? I was about to show everyone my new song! I'm sure a little break wouldn't hurt, would it?"

Damnit, you can't say no to her

She's so cute

And you love her for it

Baboosh

There ya go 😎😎😎😎😎 Beidou is just- mwah

Them<3

[tatestripedsweater]

Salvation

Plot: Once people start questioning Carlisle’s age, worry floods him that he might never tell you how he truly feels about you.

Requested by Anon: Carlisle finds the female reader, who's a fellow Doctor and he has had a crush on (assuming Esme doesn't exist), her bitten or bleeding to death and turning her?

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x Fem!Reader (But can be read as GN as I didn’t use she/her pronouns)

Key: Italics = Flashbacks

Warnings: Blood, Death, Mentions of Anxiety

Wordcount: 2.2K

A/N: Sorry it has taken so long to get a full piece of work out but hopefully this was worth the wait! The ending is cheesy so I do apologise in advance, but I’m tempted to do a part 2.. maybe??

Carlisle often liked to go for walks in the moonlight, the dead of night helped him when he needed to think. When he needed to be on his own.

He had thought that himself and the others had a good few years left in Fork’s before people questioned his age, Alice had suggested saying that he had good genes, Emmett opted for saying he had plastic surgery. Neither would be a good enough excuse.

Even though Carlisle tried to think of what to say when people questioned him, his mind only went to one thing. You. The sweet doctor who always seemed to look up to him, you saw Carlisle as a mentor as he had been doing this longer than you. Not that he was going to say how long.

The moment Carlisle met you on your first day he couldn’t help but be infatuated with you, it was obvious you were a kind soul otherwise you wouldn’t be in the profession you’re in.

“You must be __ right? I’m Dr Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle or whatever you’re comfortable with.” Looking over at the man with a smile, you couldn’t help but realise the receptionist was right about there being ‘eye candy’ here. Carlisle was an attractive man, but you had to stay professional since he was your colleague. Nothing more, even though you were already having thoughts about him.

“Lovely to meet you Carlisle.” The two of you shook hands and you couldn’t help but notice how cold his skin was. Deciding against asking if he was okay, you followed him since Carlisle was the one that had been chosen to show you the ropes.

“I’m sure you’ll fit in around here quickly, it isn’t a big hospital so it’s not easy to get lost.” The smile that he gave you made your cheeks go hot, hoping he didn’t notice you only gave him a warm smile in return before speaking. Carlisle noticed.

“How long have you worked here then?” You often get told off for your curious nature, having had your mother tell you not to ask too many questions and only speak when spoken too. So you often avoided asking too many questions. But much to your surprise, Carlisle didn’t mind.

“A few years.” He answered as the two of you walked beside one another, Carlisle was right about the hospital not being that big. With the town not having many people reside within it, there wasn’t much need for one of those big-city hospitals you often saw on television.

Before you could even answer, Carlisle had started to explain and show the schedule for today. He was passionate about his work, the way his eyes lit up as he spoke made butterflies form in your stomach.

This man was surely going to be the death of you.

Carlisle couldn’t help but smile to himself as he thought back to meeting you for the first time, but the happiness of being around you wouldn’t last long the more people questioned him. Carlisle and his family needed to leave Forks.

He didn’t want to go, in fact he wished they still had a good few years here. But Carlisle knew all too well that when people started questioning them, it was time. No matter how bad they wanted to stay, they couldn’t never stay in one place for too long.

_

The family meeting with his adopted children didn’t go down well, of course, they had moved around a lot. But they didn’t expect it to happen so soon, they lasted around ten years in Alaska before the questions rolled in, Carlisle knew they would be anything but happy.

“I can’t see why you just don’t use the plastic surgery route.” Sure enough, Emmett grinned as Rosalie took his idea into account, it wasn’t often many people did anyway. “You have the money, people would believe it Carlisle.”

“When did you all suddenly get attached to this town?” The silence filled the room like loud music, getting attached to a place didn’t happen to any of them often. But Fork’s was rather relaxing, not to mention the scenery was beautiful.

“I don’t see why you’re wanting to leave so suddenly, especially after your infatuation with that doctor.” Carlisle should’ve known that Edward would know and make a comment soon enough, the boy could read everyone’s thoughts so privacy wasn’t an option in this household.

“What doctor?” Jasper asked as all but Alice looked over, it being clear to everyone that she knew as well. After all, Alice and Edward seemed to be the closest with one another so they told each other everything.

Carlisle gave Edward and Alice a stern look, it’s not that he didn’t want the others to know about his love for you. He just didn’t want to keep talking about you as it was making his heart ache, just knowing that he wouldn’t ever be able to be with you now was something that upset him greatly. Thinking about it only made it worse.

Deciding to leave the house to be on his own, the thoughts started to roll in as Carlisle realised he would never feel the weight of you curled up to him. Never see how wonderful you look in the morning, even with bed-head he was sure you looked like an angel.

Waiting until he was in his car, the tears started to roll down his cheeks as Carlisle thought back to you. He often didn’t let people see him cry, it wasn’t that he was ashamed he just didn’t want to bring attention to himself.

Even when he lost a patient he rarely cried, even then he managed to keep it in until he was alone.

“Are you alright?” You knew it was a stupid question the moment it left your mouth, any doctor that lost a patient always felt the grief overtake their body. Spending so much time with the patient to get them healthy, only for them to die was hard. You were yet to experience such a thing.

The patient in question, Mrs Elizabeth Wilson, was an elderly lady who had come into the hospital after she had fallen ill from an infection. She was already in the hospital when you started working there, she had been Carlisle’s patient for a few days. Not long but enough to form trust with one another.

“Sorry.. that was a stupid question.” Carlisle noticed something about you within the days of you working here, you often apologize for things that weren’t even your fault. If someone spilt their coffee over you or even bumped into you, you’d be the one to apologise for supposedly getting in the way.

Carlisle knew it was anxiety without even asking, not that he would anyway. That was private and none of his business.

“No, it isn’t.” Shaking his head, Carlisle motioned for you to sit down with him. The two of you both in the staff room on your breaks, even though he rarely went on a break throughout the day. It wasn’t like he needed to.

Moving to sit down across from him, you couldn’t help but marvel at his features. Even grief-stricken, Carlisle was beautiful.

“I’ll be fine, losing a patient never does get easier though,” Carlisle admitted with a heavy sigh, he remembers every patient he’s lost in all his years of living. “But you just tend to deal with it better.”

“I’m here if you want to talk.. or drink. I’m told I make a good martini.” Smiling when you heard him laugh, as cheesy as it sounded, Carlisle’s laugh was like music to your ears.

He was truly something special.

As Carlisle drove, the rain hit the car, the windshield wipers moving it from his sight each second the rain hit the glass. He had driven in a circle across town twice, contemplating visiting you to say goodbye. Even if it seemed strange to turn up at your doorstep, Carlisle couldn’t not see you one last time.

Sitting in his car once he got to the front of your house, part of him wanted to leave to save himself from seeing you upset. The thought alone made Carlisle hurt, but he knew that he needed some closure on how you felt about him. It sounded selfish, very unlike himself, but Carlisle needed to know if you harboured the same feelings for him as he had for you. Even if the answer would cause him pain.

If his body could do such a thing, Carlisle knew that goosebumps would be running all over his body the moment he smelled the blood coming from inside your home. Even if it was a small cut from you cooking or a scrape from a fall, he had to make sure you weren’t in any immediate danger.

The Volturi had their ways of trying to get him to join them once again, threatening the people he loved was the number one thing on their list. So that’s the first thing that ran through his mind, that they had gotten to you.

“___!” Carlisle waited for an answer, he didn’t want to break a window to get in unless it was absolutely necessary. But it seemed that someone had already done that job for him, walking to the side of your house he noticed the shattered glass first before the scent of your blood getting strong from the broken window. The crimson substance being stained on the glass as well caught his eye.

Without a second thought, Carlisle climbed inside. Following the trail of blood on the floor, his heart sank and fear soon started to set in as he didn’t want to know what was at the end of the trail. But if it meant seeing you half dead and saving your life, it was a risk he was willing to take. Carlisle just hoped he didn’t have to change you, he would if he had to but only if you were so close to death that there was no way you’d make it out alive.

Even though Rosalie never said it to his face, part of her disliked Carlisle for changing her. He didn’t want you to feel the same way towards him, to detest Carlisle for all of eternity as he wasn’t sure how he would take it.

But there you were, lying on your back on the kitchen floor surrounded in your own blood. You looked close to death and sure enough, Carlisle knew what he had to do to save your life.

Carlisle’s clothes and hands were soon soaked in blood once he ran and knelt down to your side, there were bite marks over your arms, he didn’t even need to ask who by to know they had come for you.

They had taken so much blood from your system that he could hear your heart start to fade from existence, you were still conscious but barely able to know your surroundings or that he was even here by your side. Confused and dazed.

“__…?” All Carlisle got out of you was the flutter of your eyelids starting to close, no response at all to him saying your name. The fear of losing you overtook the fear of you hating him for all of eternity, Carlisle couldn’t leave you here to die. He wasn’t going to let that happen.

“I’m so sorry __..”

Within that moment you felt like your body was on fire, you had no idea what was happening but all you could feel was a burning type sensation on your skin and Carlisle’s teeth inside your neck.

He was like the others that had attacked you.

You tried so bad not to focus on the pain, so desperately trying to push Carlisle from you but your arms didn’t want to move. It was like you were paralysed, not able to speak or move but to just let yourself be drained even more.

What you didn’t know was that Carlisle wasn’t feeding off of you, in all of his years of being a vampire he was happy he had never had the urge to hurt another human being. Most didn’t have the restraint to do so.

As soon as Carlisle pulled away once he was sure the venom was running through your system, guilt started to set into his body once he noticed the look you were giving him.

You weren’t even sure what was going on, a dazed and confused expression lay on your face as you didn’t know what had been done to you. All you knew that you were in pain, but the process of change was going to be even worse. Carlisle knew that much.

Everyone’s reaction to being turned was different, some were more sensitive than others, and in this case your body seemed to not agree with the venom within your body.

You weren’t going to die from this, but the process of turning from human to vampire was going to be much more painful.

Carlisle picked you up into his arms gently as your body trembled and started to walk into the woods near your home, going to his car would cause suspicion if anyone saw the blood. It was going to be a long time until you would forgive him. He wasn’t even sure if you would at this point.

But he promised himself that no matter the outcome, he would cherish and look after you, keep you out of harms way.

Forever.

Twilight Taglist: @kitwalker64 @mossybank - Taglist in Pinned Post!

[rayofsunas]

valentines | diluc [3]

A/n: good evening everyone!! I know this story is kinda a slow start to things, but dw reader is actually in this chapter lol. my plan is too write one more part, which would be the finale :) let me know how you guys are liking the series so far <33 I feel like Diluc is sooooo ooc, sawwy... AND I also can’t remember if the Dawn Winery is Diluc’s home, but pretend it is for this if it isn’t- anyways, enjoy and stay safe!!

Summary: the ever so stoic diluc thought he was being secretive when sending anonymous letters and gifts to you during the week of valentine’s day but turns out everyone in mondstadt knew it was him, though thankfully had tight enough lips to not spill the beans to you. kaeya is of no help, so you go seeking answers yourself.

Parings: Diluc/Fem! Reader (for my other mini-series, there will be some gn ones!)

Warnings: valentines (yes, I’m late, shoot me), fluff, Diluc and Kaeya have a mother (the only reason this is a warning, is cause she’s a mood and I love her), swearing

Word count: 4.5k (I’m so proud and happy with this chapter :))

The letters were vague at first and you usually received them early in the morning, at first there was one. But now there was more than one letter, sometimes Cecilia flowers and even little gifts in a delicately wrapped box along with them. You assumed the writer was a serious night owl to have prepared this all and had sent them when you were asleep, leaving them as a sort of gift for you to wake up to in the morning. 

Though, originally, when you received the first handful of letters, you were creeped out, nervous for obvious reasons.

Who was this stranger sending letters of unworthy praise and admiration? Was their identity that much in danger, to have to be anonymous? And without an address as well... 

The more you read his or her letters, you learned that over four days, they were no threat. They couldn’t have been. Whoever they were, most likely was a young teen, caught in the webs of affection for the very first time, nervous to dip their toes into confrontation out of fear of being rejected. 

But the more you scanned the letters at night, reading them over like a series of detective novels, searching for any kind of clue, you realized this person was far too intelligent, smooth, and straight to the point, to be any kind of lovesick teen. That scenario, that possibility wasn’t possible in your mind. 

The only thing that made them seem like a confused teen was the fact that they sounded lost within their feelings, although straight to the point it was hard to decipher exactly what they were saying. Their words were often hidden behind a thick wall of glass; you could see them, but it was hard to grasp exactly what they were, the true meaning of it all. 

Was his or her adoration for you, really, truly love?

Was praising your skill too small of a thing to feel completely doused in love over?

You were never too sure. 

-

letter one.

I know this may seem odd, coming from a stranger. But I can assure you I am not a creep of any kind. I can’t help but say, I admire your skills in battle; you’re a force to be reckoned with. Please accept these Cecilia’s, I hope they aren’t too much nor are you allergic.

Best wishes.

This was the very first letter you received. Something you solely took for another Knight who you unknowingly, until now, of course, caught the attention of. You assumed that they were just praising you because they wished to be like you, of course, you accepted it with open arms. Praise for such a low profiled Knight felt nice.

letter two.

Hello. I realized I never specified an address for you to possibly reply to my letters with. It completely slipped my mind, my apologies. If it isn’t too much of a hassle, you could leave your letters at Barbatos’ Statue and I could do so as well. I also realized that sending letters to your home may seem... very weird and unsettling. I am sincerely sorry, my intentions weren’t to scare you. I am no creep, I can assure you we are acquaintances. Though, I would prefer to keep my identity hidden for right now. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes. 

This letter was completely apologetic, its entire body and being were sincere you could tell. Yes, you would agree, the letters sent directly to your home were unsettling. But if they were an acquaintance and they had no ill intentions, you had no reason to panic. 

letter three.

I received your letter and I’m very glad to hear you’re no longer panicked or creeped out. Those were never my intentions... I appreciate your willingness to communicate with me. It’s very kind and understanding of you. Also, to answer your question, I am a man. I hope that does not disappoint you... Looking forward to your next letter. 

Best wishes.

You were happy to finally figure out more of who this anonymous person was, and knowing they were a man helped you learn more about who they could be. The list of suspects you were acquainted and or friends with, decreased significantly. You didn’t have many guy friends or acquaintances. You could only name a handful. Was he even amongst that handful? People had different meanings of friends and acquaintances after all...

letter four.

I know this may seem too early, we’ve only been properly conversing for a day or two. But, I would like to say you’re one of a kind and I found myself lost for words when writing to you. I hope you’re faring well. Please stay safe. I heard there was a pretty nasty bar fight last night that transitioned into a bloodbath in the streets. Lots of people are upset right now, politics I assume... Nonetheless, stay safe. 

Best wishes.

He was right. You weren’t cleared for such information, but you had heard talk from some of your fellow Knights that there was a pretty bad bar fight that carried out into the streets late last night. Multiple people had ended up in the dungeons, some still walked the streets whispering their opinions on an ancient conspiracy, though, you were unsure of what that exactly meant. 

Poison, sicknesses, and night terrors were a few of the most talked-about stressors for the fight. Who was to tell which ones were true though, if any. You assumed the truth was riddled in there somewhere though, it had to of been. Rumors often stemmed from an over extreme truth. 

What an unfortunate thing to hear, especially the week of Valentine's day. A week of love, already filled with a bitter hatred, not a good start. Thankfully, you had the letters, they kept you hopeful. The other person on the receiving end could also feel hopeful, so you hoped. You just hoped the situation wasn’t the start of something worse brewing.

Sadly, you weren’t cleared to investigate like you had heard Captain Kaeya was; despite how curious and nosy you were. Unfortunately, you were stuck with paperwork and training the younger Knights; you enjoyed the latter. But those were your duties this week, you couldn’t afford to stray from them. 

Hopefully, your anonymous admirer was alright and well. 

-

You hated to admit it. But over the last five days, you had become smitten. Some say, love at first sight, was impossible, a silly tale told to hopeless romantics who would believe anything. For someone who was not one of those people easy to fall in love with, truthfully, you were starting to believe the tales.

This anonymous man was so kind, well versed with words, so well versed that they moved mountains. You know for sure they had moved your heart. He wasn't willing to share a simple thing; his name. But he’d practically told you his life story, thrown it into your palms easily. Though vague, it was enough to help you understand him better and feel ultimately closer.

You’d learned he was a well-known guy, and as much as he accepted and loved the attention sometimes, it was tiring and draining the majority of the time. He’d said he was a protector of Mondstadt, someone who deeply cared for the townspeople and they're well beings. He’d make any deal, cross any sea, walk through hell with his head held high, just to protect them. He was also a brother, though never specified if he was older or younger, you assumed he was older when he said that he had a very annoying brother; only an older sibling could understand another's annoyance caused by a younger sibling. You could blame personal experience from your time around the younger Knights. You felt like an older sister to a lot of them without that older mentor figure. They weren’t all annoying, but they could share similar qualities at times when they didn't pay attention or learn paperwork completion formats.  

A name came to mind as he shared his vague life story. 

Kaeya Alberich. 

He was all of those things, except maybe for the last one. You knew Kaeya and Master Diluc were brothers, very close in age, but they weren’t blood-related, so twins were off the table; one was older than the other. Something was telling you it was the more flirtatious brother. He was the more outgoing of the two, spontaneous, he would surely be one behind the letters, right? But then wouldn’t he just approach you like normal? Hmmm. Maybe not. He did like to act mysterious, but maybe he was scared of rejection, who knows with Captain Kaeya. He was very hard to read. You couldn’t even tell half the time if he truly meant what he’d say when flirting with you or if he was just saying those things to tease you, maybe even make someone else jealous. 

You were curious, so you decided to approach him. Corner the Captain and demand an answer. He’d have to give you one, you wouldn’t leave his side. So that’s what you did, after your duties had finished around five in the afternoon, you waited outside the Knights headquarters. Hopefully, you’d catch him going in and out sometime soon, it was growing late. 

It was nearing six-thirty when you were getting ready to leave headquarters. Thinking, maybe this could wait tomorrow until you could catch the Captain at a reasonable time. But then he came strutting out of headquarters, his uncovered eye glistening with mischief, a smirk plastered on his handsome face. 

“Captain Kaeya, a word?” You interjected stepping in front of the man, stopping him from bounding down the steps deeper into the city. 

His face broke out in a grin, “Ah, Y/n! Nice to see you again, miss me did you?” 

“Not hardly, Captain.” You said, hoping you wouldn’t get in trouble for practically back-talking your superior. Your own Captain would never let you hear the end of it, the blonde man was a strict one. 

“You wound me,” The cryo user feigned pain. You could only chuckle nervously. “So, what is it you wanted to see me for?”

Your face heated up, burning like fire. “I have a question.”

“Shoot.” He said, hand going to rest sassily on his hip. 

“Are you the one writing me letters?” 

He laughed, sending waves of embarrassment through you. It shouldn’t have but now you felt stupid. Even if you held no romantic feelings for the Captain, he was way out of your league. He probably knew that. 

“Me? You flatter me!”

“No... I mean it,” You stated. “Is it you?”

His face turned serious. “Sadly, not.”

You huffed, heart, dropping to the floor. “Damn it,” You muttered, moving to sit on the stone steps of the Knights headquarters. Kaeya stayed standing, shadow blanketing over you, oddly silent. No flirtatious rebuttal, nothing, just silence. Odd. 

“You know something I don’t, I know you do.” You said, head hanging low. He laughed again. So, you were right.

“Of course, beautiful, I know a lot of things you don’t.” He taunted, eye dripping in mischief. 

“Very funny, Captain.” This wasn’t very funny, not at all. You weren’t laughing.

Suddenly, the Captain spoke up, “Speak to Diluc, I’m sure he knows, he has a very keen eye.”

Master Diluc? Wine tycoon Diluc? What did he have to do with this? He was always off doing his own thing, was it possible he knew anything at all?

“Master Diluc?”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“You think he’d know who this person is?” You wondered. 

“Like I, he knows about lots of things, one being people.”

“Captain, I don’t like games, please just tell me.” You pleaded, eyes meeting his singular visible one. 

“When you beg, it’s cute,” He said catching you off guard. “See Diluc, he’ll know.” With that, he turned around and began walking off. 

“Wait!” You abruptly stood. “Do you know where I can find him?” 

“Dawn Winery.” You nearly froze on the spot. 

Dawn Winery? Wasn’t that Master Diluc’s residence? You possibly couldn’t, not at this hour either. Archons no...

“I’m sorry,” You hurriedly followed after the retreating figure. “I can’t possibly go there at this hour.”

“And why not?”

“Umm, Captain obvious, it seems inappropriate! People would think I’m going for other intentions!” Oh, if news got out that you went to Master Diluc’s residence late in the afternoon, and people assumed you had other intentions, this would surely be the end of you.

“But you’re not and you know that,” He said. “Are you always such a rule follower and strung up? Archons, you’re Diluc, but a girl version...” He commented.

He did have a point, but if someone saw a young woman entering the Dawn Winery of a bachelor late in the afternoon, suspicion would rise. It’s very conspicuous.

“Yes but-”

“Toodles, beautiful!” You stood still like a statue of ice, heart racing. 

“Bastard...”

-

Against better judgment, you ended up making the short walk to the Dawn Winery. You were hesitant to knock on the large doors though. Scared shitless, beyond nervous, only thinking what would others think? What would Master Diluc think? He’d probably shut the door on your face, leaving you like a frazzled idiot.

You probably stood pacing outside for fifteen minutes, before mustering up the courage to knock on the door. But you never got the chance, because you saw a woman with brown hair and a few gray strands peeking out of one of the first-floor windows. She had a small smile on her delicate face as she watched you. How long had she been there for...?

Your heart dropped the minute you’d been caught pacing, leaving you standing frozen. Eventually, the woman disappeared from the window, leaving you confused. But then the door whipped open with a gentle force and there she stood. 

She was a taller, slender woman with broad shoulders, wearing a simple dark green blouse black pants, black heeled boots with golden vine details were on her feet, making her even taller. If it weren’t for the gentle smile she gave you, she would’ve looked terrifying. 

“I saw you pacing outside for a while, I figured you’d muster up the courage to knock eventually.” She said without introduction.

Oh my... was this Master Diluc and Kaeya’s mother... She didn’t look like either of them, but who knows. You wanted to die, that’s for sure.

“I’m so sorry Miss,” You apologized. “I was just-”

“No worries!” She cheered, hands clasping tightly together. “Which one of my boys are you here for?”

So, she was their mother? Oh my... You shouldn’t have come like this, no not now. 

“Master Diluc...” You whispered nervously. Her smile only brightened, she was happy to hear that. 

“Ah I see, are his girlfriend?” Your chest wanted to explode.

“What?! No! I just, have a question for him...” You practically shrunk under her grey steel gaze and for that, began backing away from the intimidating, yet a kind woman. You were hoping to put some distance in between you two, but she moved along with you. “It’s not of importance to be here so late, I just- Kaeya sent me here and-”

“Ah I see, that one is trouble, I’m sorry you had to deal with him...” She seemed visibly distressed by the mention of the Cavalry Captain. You could relate. 

“It’s no problem, ma’am.” You reassured.

“Are you a Knight?” She suddenly asked, still no proper introduction. 

You nodded your head, her smile widened and brightened. 

“A respectable woman you are,” She praised. “And you’re beautiful? If one of my boys don’t marry you right now-” She carried on, you nearly choked on your saliva. “I’m sorry, I get carried away sometimes, I forgot to introduce myself!”

“My name is Victoria.” Finally, you thought. A name to fit her face. 

“Are you the boys' mother?” You suddenly asked. Manners, you reminded yourself. Remember to have manners and keep your curiosity to yourself. 

“Archons no!” She announced loudly, you jumped. “I’m a family friend of Diluc’s mother. You see, the boys were quite young when she passed, and they needed someone to help look after them, Master Crepus was quite a busy man. I stepped up and became a mother figure.”

“Ahh, I see,” You nodded. “I salute you for being able to help raise such gentlemen, must’ve been hard...” 

She laughed, “Not entirely, at first yes, but then it came naturally,”

“Where are my manners!” She suddenly exclaimed, grabbing your hand. “Come in! Diluc will be arriving soon, he’s out taking care of business.” With that, she dragged you into the mansion. 

The door slammed with a loud bang, and Victoria began walking through the downstairs level, almost excitedly. 

“Oh, um, thank you, ma’am.” You bowed your head in respect, watching confusedly as she disappeared into a hallway, before returning with a bottle of wine. 

“A drink?” She offered, showing off a bottle of wine, that just so happened to be the Ragnvindr’s specialty. 

“No, thank you, ma’am. I’m afraid I have an early morning tomorrow, a hangover would be a troubling start to my day.”

“Very good decision.” She praised, scrambling out of the room to look for what you assumed was a glass for her wine, leaving you once again alone. 

Glancing around the main entrance, you were left staring at very few portraits on the wall, framed maps, and personal memorabilia. One thing that stood out to you the most, a black insignia with a star and white skull, a Pirate insignia...

“A pirate insignia?” You whispered to yourself, confused. Captain Kaeya always told stories of pirates, his grandfather being one specifically. You always assumed he was lying... He wasn't. Maybe you should take back your disbelief in him. 

“That’s mine,” Victoria announced proudly, making herself known again. You jumped, startled, before turning to face the beautiful woman. She returned with a glass-like you thought she would and nearly emptied the entire wine bottle into it, cherry red contents filling to the brim.

You retract your statement about Captain Kaeya, he was still a fibber. 

“You were a pirate?” You asked, astonishment bubbling in your chest. You had so many questions for her, you secretly hoped Diluc would take even longer, just so you could listen to her stories. 

Victoria hummed, plopping onto a cherry red armchair, you still stood. 

”Badass...” You whispered to yourself, taking a seat on the nearby loveseat. 

”Thank you.” She beamed. 

“In my younger years of course. I haven’t been on a Pirate ship in a while. I haven’t seen my crew in years, either...” She reminisced. 

“You can’t be a day over thirty-five,” She smiled at your praise. “Why did you give it up? Being a Pirate, though uncertain at times, seems like loads of fun, filled with adventure.” She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. 

“The boys lost their mother around the ages of eleven or twelve and I had just returned from months at sea,” She began. “They had run away from home to get into mischief when they met me at the gates; I think they’d been cooped at home for a while, they were grieving still....”

“Kaeya was excited to see my crew return home, infatuated with our stories. He clung to me for hours, with so many questions. Diluc on the other hand was just happy to finally not be bothered by his little brother,” 

Little brother? Kaeya? Wait did that mean-

“Master Crepus found them after he’d come searching, they’d been missing for hours and he was worried for obvious reasons. He attempted to take them home, Diluc was willing, Kaeya though clung to me. So, Master Crepus offered me a slower-paced life, looking after the boys and help keep them in check,” She continued, a smile on her face. “I agreed. They looked like they had gone through a lot and needed a mother figure. I was more than happy to look after them, I’d never had kids.” She ended her story there, swishing the red contents in her cup. 

“I guess that's the answer to your question,” 

“I was busy being a mother.” You smiled. Her story was inspiring, she was filled with pride despite leaving something she enjoyed behind, you could tell.

Leaning forward in your seat, you admitted, “You’re very admirable, I admire your drive to raise the boys. You’re an amazing woman and mother.”

“Thank you,” She blushed. “There is no perfect woman, no perfect mother, but your admiration for me is very telling, you share my qualities. If I’m as amazing as you say, you’d be an equally amazing mother to your own children.” Your face warmed at her compliment. 

“I’ve never thought about having children before... But, thank you.” She nodded, raising her glass in salute, before throwing the contents into the back of her throat. 

“A young girl such as yourself, curious, strong, loyal- You should accompany me one day if I ever find myself returning to swashbuckling adventures,”

“You’d be a great second mate.” The brunette admitted, sharp eyebrows wiggling with excitement. Was she hinting, no, offering for you to join her?

“I’m flattered. But I’m not so sure it would be right of a Knight to suddenly turn into a Pirate,” You giggled, she joined in. “No offense.”

“None was taken, sweetheart! I can understand. A Pirate would never think to become a Knight,” She explained. “Two different worlds, different rules, loyalties, and such.” 

The silence was deafening, but you had so many questions for the woman. Would she ever return to swashbuckling? Had she ever had any cool encounters? Did she feel like a badass? Archons, so many questions, very little time. 

“I believe I never caught your name, how rude and selfish of me.’ What’s your name beautiful?”

“Y/n Y/l/n, ma’am.” You said proudly. 

She smiled, “A pretty name for a pretty girl.” She praised, steel-gray eyes glistening like the stars. 

The door closing loudly caught your attention immediately, you stiffened on the spot. 

Master Diluc...

“Oh!” Victoria exclaimed, standing to her feet. “Diluc has arrived, my my, we talked for a long time,” Retreating towards the door, all you could hear were her heeled boots thumping against the wooden floorboards, matching the thumps of your beating heart surely. You watched uncomfortably as she helped the wine tycoon shrug his jacket off, poking fun at him every now and then. You could see by the way he tried to brush her off that he was flustered, he still hadn't seen you though, Victoria was persistent in her pestering; a mother's love, am I right?

“Diluc,” she started, voice echoing and bouncing off into the walls, traveling into the living room. “A beautiful, intelligent woman is here to see you. She says it’s not of importance, but with a woman of her beauty and admiration, you’ll make this the most important day in your life!” With that, her boots moving could be heard again and she was suddenly in the living room, a huge smile on her face, standing behind the loveseat you were sitting uncomfortably in. 

Another pair of boots could be heard, a heavier set this time, a jingling was heard as well, maybe keys? You weren’t sure... 

“Mother-” The tall man shut his mouth immediately as soon as he’d set his eyes on your figure. “Oh,” He approached, continuously looking between Victoria and you, probably wondering what the hell was going on.

“Miss Y/n,” He bowed his head respectively, though you were confused. You should be doing that instead, he was your superior in more ways than one. Standing to your feet, nearly tripping as well, you decided to greet him the same way, remembering your manners in your starstruck state. You couldn’t tell if it was from Victoria's story or the fact that Master Diluc was standing in front of you. Probably both. “W-what’re you doing here?” Master Diluc a stuttering mess? What an uncharacteristically shocking sight...

A slap sounded throughout the room, Victoria’s hand making contact with Diluc’s shoulder, ushering him forward, that’s what it was. “Diluc stop stuttering! Why are you suddenly flustered, huh?!” She exclaimed loudly, her son just stared at her embarrassed. Face turning shades of red. You giggled to yourself quietly.

“Mother!” 

“Sorry!” Her hands waved out in front of you, various gold dangling bracelets and chains on her wrists making a jingling sound. “I should be going now,” Te brunette then turned to you, taking your hands in her slender ones. “After talking to this eye-opening Knight, I think I should write to a few of my old comrades.” You smiled happily, hands squeezing hers gently. She was staring at you with pride as a mother would to their daughter. 

“Goodnight Y/n. I hope to see you again soon,” She waved you off, moving towards the stairs. “Come find me when you’re ready to leave behind those Knightly duties and join me for a voyage at sea, I’d love to show you my ship one day.” She beamed.

You nodded, seriously considering her offer. You hoped you as well would see her again, rather sooner than later. She was great company. You loved her deafening presence, an admirable woman she was. “Good night, ma’am.”  

As soon as she was gone up the stairs, Diluc awkwardly turned to face you. 

”She asked you to join her on her voyages I see.” He stated, trying to spark conversation. You nodded, fingers fiddling.

“Ya know, I’m considering that offer. It sounds fun.” You teased with a shrug, voice filled with sincerity. 

Master Diluc sent you a soft smile, “Yes. Life at sea does sound quite tiring, but I’m sure the adventures are worth it.”

“Agreed.”

Another deafening silence, Diluc looked like he wanted to say something.

“Can I get you anything? Wine, tea, juice...”

Not that though... You couldn’t help but giggle at the last part, he blushed. 

“Maybe next time, I’d love to be graced with your mother's presence again, maybe hear a few stories.”

“I’m sure she’d love that. Mother has many to tell.” He admitted with a proud smile,

You couldn’t wait to hear those stories truthfully, so entranced. You had never faced adventures quite like Victoria, never had even considered it, now you were though. Curse Victoria and her entrancement, though not literally, you held too much admiration for the woman to ever wish ill on her. 

”So, what can I do for you?” Diluc suddenly asked.

”Oh right!” You were left flustered. So wrapped up in your conversation, you had completely forgotten what you had come here for. Archons, what the hell.

“I had a question, but-”

You paused. 

Diluc’s eyebrows raised. “Yes?” He seemed to be hanging onto your every word. He was waiting for an answer for a long time. It seems he’d have to wait even longer...

“...I seemed to have forgotten.”

[🏷] TAGLIST (if you want to be removed from/added to this specific taglist let me know!)

@gladly-olus​ , @kyquu , @craptainlou , @mintydump , @chscklvr , @irisxiel , @minh0ree , @whatishappinesswhatislove , @rrintarou , @sorenthousand , @cvsmix , @nonniechan ,

3.7.21, rayofsunas

[cranetreegang]

The Hardest Things are the Honest Truths: Lucio x FemApprentice

A/N: So, I love Lucio. I don't know why, but I just do. I wish there were more scenes of him reflecting on his past though. So that's what this is. Just a brief roast session with some fluff afterwards. RIP my poor baby boy... but he gotta hear it. I have some more parts for Lucio that I'll hopefully post soon. I've also been working on a Julian piece that I'm really excited to share soon! Anyways, any feedback is always welcomed!

Summary: The Apprentice, Evie, wonders if she made a mistake binding herself to Lucio. She hopes that her faith in him isn't misguided, and seeks consul from those who knew him.

Word Count: 2300

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I watched Lucio play with his two dogs with a hint of a smile. Seeing him like this almost made the earlier fiasco seem misplaced. The look of disappointment in Asra’s eyes was not something I could shake off though. Had I really made such a grievous error in binding myself to Lucio?

“You seem troubled.” Nadia had managed to stand next to me without me noticing. I hid my surprise well and I nodded quickly.

“There’s a lot about magic I’m still learning. I think today just proved it.” I said.

“Mistakes happen. Although, this mistake was a fairly large one.” She smirked.

I let out a defeated sigh. “Indeed it is.” I agreed.

She frowned then turned around to leave. “I recommend the bath house. It might serve you well to help clear your head.” Nadia said over her shoulder as she left.

It didn’t take a genius to get the hint. Lucio, still distracted with his dogs, didn’t notice Nadia and I’s exchange. I bit my lip on whether to let him know I would need some time alone. I figured he wouldn’t care, so I headed towards the bath house.

I got to the marble room and was taken aback by its grandiose. The room had pillars at the far edge that overlooked the city below. The sun was beginning to set, giving the steaming waters a warm evening glow. Smells of lavender and incense filled the air and I felt my shoulders begin to drop. A bath was a good idea after all.

I stripped myself of my clothes and sank below the warm waters. I emerged with a relieved sigh. I went back under the waters then emerged once more. I faced back towards the entrance and froze at the sight of Lucio.

I dove under to hide my bare self. “What’re you doing here?” I hissed.

Lucio gave a dazzling smile that I was sure won over his fair share of enemies. “I was wondering where you went. I got worried.” He said; seemingly genuine.

“So, you thought it best to just watch me as I bathed?” I grimaced.

“What? No! I only just arrived. I swear.” He had his hands up covering his eyes, but he lowered them with a smirk. “I mean, it’s not like you have anything to be embarrassed about. You have a very... ,” he paused, his glowing eyes dancing with want, “beautiful body.”

I felt the heat of his words overcome the warmth of the waters. Before I could say anything, the doors opened.

“Evie!” Portia greeted with a beaming smile. She walked past where Lucio stood. I wasn’t sure how to warn Portia of Lucio’s presence. She didn’t give me room to talk as she launched into a story about her day and began to undress. She joined me in the bath and sat across from me.

I nodded along with her story, but would steal glances towards Lucio, who seemed content with sitting at the bath’s edge. His feet kicking in the water absentmindedly.

“And then they expect me to clean it all up! It’s outrageous.” Portia huffed.

“Couldn’t agree more.” I debated about leaving when the door opened once more and Nadia strolled in. Even in the steaming waters, my body had gone cold. She spared Portia and I a raised brow.

“I’m to assume the Count isn’t here?” Her question had an edge that made me inwardly flinch. Lucio was shaking his head while mouthing, ‘Don’t say I’m here.’, as if anyone but me could hear him.

“The Count? As in, Count Lucio?” Portia wondered.

I spared her an awkward smile. “You and I both had a long day.” I bit my tongue for a moment. If I say he’s here, then Portia would be upset with me. If I lie, then that could be even worse. “I don’t see Lucio here in the bath with us.” A semi-lie, but better than the truth. He technically wasn’t in the bath with us. Lucio gave me a pleased grin, which I tried to ignore.

Nadia nodded before disrobing. She held herself regally and effortlessly as she glided into the bath. I was envious of her ability to be noble in practically any setting. Lucio’s eyes were eagerly trailing after her. His hand reached out to touch her, but he resisted at the last moment.

“I’m glad to see you’re taking full use of the bath house, Evelyn.” Nadia sat between Portia and I. She swirled her white wine in a glass that probably cost more than anything I had ever owned.

“It’s quite nice. Very relaxing.” I hummed. At least it would be relaxing, if Lucio wasn’t hovering around us.

“So, what’s this about Count Lucio? What’s going on?” Portia inquired.

Nadia smirked as she rolled her head over to me. “Go on. Explain what you did.” Her voice purred.

“Yes! Tell them how you rescued me from that awful room.” Lucio encouraged.

I let out a quiet sigh. “I was investigating the Count’s murder. And… I ended up finding Lucio still in his room.”

“He was alive?!” Portia screeched then covered her mouth at her outburst. “I mean, was he alive?” She said, her voice muffled behind her hands.

I shook my head. “Not exactly. He was stuck between the world of the living and death. So, I… helped him by…,” I bit my lip and I couldn’t bring myself to look at Porita’s curious gaze.

“Go on. Tell her.” Lucio was now laying behind me. He had his head propped up by his golden arm while his other hand swirled in the water next to me.

“I bound Lucio to me.” I finally said.

“You did what?!” Portia exclaimed. “Did he threaten you? Was he going to hurt you if you didn’t?”

“Hurt you! I can’t believe she would suggest such a thing.” Lucio scoffed.

I shook my head. “No. He didn’t. I was just trying to help.”

Nadia let out a chuckle between her sips of wine. “And now you have Lucio attached to you. I couldn’t think of anything worse.”

Portia nodded in agreement. “And I thought my day was bad. You clearly win, Evie.”

Nadia and Portia both giggled. Lucio plopped down next to me with a disgruntled huff.

I bit my lip as I looked between Lucio and Nadia. For everyone reacting like this, one would assume I had shackled myself to the most vile man in existence.

“Nadia… I hope you don’t think of this as inappropriate. But, I was hoping you could tell me about Count Lucio.” I said.

Nadia and Portia exchanged glances to one another, concern spread across both of their faces.

“You don’t even know who I am?” Lucio sputtered before calming down. “Oh, sweet Evie, I could tell you all about me. It’s my favorite subject, you know. ” He ran his finger down my shoulder to my elbow. He pressed his nose against my hair as he whispered, “You need only ask.” I had to contain the way his ghostly touch made me shiver. I was thankful he moved away from me, but he was still too close for comfort.

“Quite amazing. You bound yourself to someone you didn’t even know. I can’t tell if you’re naïve, idiotic, or selfless.” Nadia’s eyes were downcast. “But, I suppose if you did know, you wouldn’t have done it.” She swirled her glass in thought. The setting sun glinted against the fine crystal, making it dazzle. “I don’t recall much of my time with him. But, from what I remember, Lucio was… how to best put it?” Nadia hummed in thought.

“An Egomaniac?” Portia blurted out then covered her mouth again. “I’m so sorry, your grace.”

Nadia laughed and nodded. “No. That’s exactly it. Selfish. Entitled. Volatile.”

“Rude. I heard he loved to throw things at the servants anytime he was annoyed.” Portia chimed in.

Out of the corner of my eye, Lucio was completely taken back by their words. I felt a bit sorry for him. “He doesn’t sound like a good person.” I sheepishly said.

“That’s because he wasn’t, sweetheart.” Nadia chuckled. “He was only interested in what best served him. He didn’t care about what I, or anybody else wanted. Especially not the people of Vesuvia. Even though he claimed otherwise. His incompetence has led to a decline in the city, that I’m now having to fix. ” She scoffed. “The only thing he might’ve really cared about were his dogs. If that.” Nadia took a long sip of her wine, the cup was nearly finished.

“He cared about his hair.” Portia giggled.

“Ha! Yes. His looks. I will admit, he was very easy on the eyes. And very, very nice in bed.” Nadia had a playful smirk toying on her lips. “Although, needy. I couldn’t have any fun without him. He was always so desperate for any kind of attention.”

Lucio crossed his arms in an obvious pout. I felt their words slicing into me as if they were speaking ill of me.

“Surely, there must’ve been something about him that wasn’t completely terrible?” I asked, begged really, for any kind of redemption for him.

Nadia frowned, her mind years away. “If there was, I don’t remember." She met my eyes with a soft smile. "Perhaps, you’ll find something in him worth saving. Because I never could.” She finished her glass then rose from the warm waters. “All this talk of my dear husband makes me in need of another bath.”

She stalked out of the water and put back on her silk robe. She spared me a sideways glance. “If Lucio were a whore, I would’ve paid good money for him.”

“And as a Count?” I wondered.

She smiled, the answer laid within her ruby eyes, before she sauntered away.

Portia also got out of the bath. “I suppose that was a long enough soak. You coming?”

I looked from her then down to the deflated form of the Count. “Not yet. I need a few minutes to process… well all of it.”

Portia gave me a pitying smile. “I’m sure it’ll work itself out. Don’t fret!” She smiled sweetly at me. She left the room and I was alone with Lucio, who was sulking next to me.

“That was pretty brutal. Are you alright?”

Lucio’s brows furrowed and he shook his head. “I was alone in that room for three years. Not one person came to see me. Not one. And to find out it was because they all despised me.” His head fell and he looked on the verge of tears. I placed my hand on his. The energy between us briefly merged together and he jolted in place.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his glowing eyes wide with suspicion.

“I… trying to… comfort you?” I felt silly as I explained myself. He stared at our hands then back to me.

“I don’t need your pity.” He spat.

“I’m not pitying you.” I quickly said. “I’m empathizing. What they said, I could feel that it hurt you.”

“You felt…,” he let out a huff as he rolled his eyes, “Of course you did. This bond we share. Seems we’re more linked than I originally thought.” Lucio frowned.

“Seems so.”

There was a long pause between us. I wasn’t sure how to break it, but Lucio did it for me. “Do you think less of me now? Do you think I’m a-a-a self-centered, idiotic, whore?” Lucio snarled with disgust.

“Were you?” I asked.

He looked offended then grimaced. “I… I didn’t think so. I don’t know.” He was quiet as he hesitated on what he wanted to say. “Being alone in that room… I didn’t have much else to do, except think. And the only thing I could think about was if things went… differently. ”

“What would you of’ve done differently?” I wondered.

He wrapped my hand with his and stroked over the top with his thumb. He let out a sigh then whispered, “I don’t know.”

“Well, if you don’t think you’re an incompetent whore, then what do you think of yourself?” I asked.

Lucio stared into the sunset as he thought over my question. “I’m not sure.”

I furrowed my brows as I thought over what to say next. He was lost. A feeling I recognized all too well. “I see it as you have two options. You can either pout and deny what they said. Or, you can accept that you lost yourself at some point. And do something about it.” I stated.

“Pout or change.” He chuckled, but it was bitter and didn’t reach his eyes. He looked at me. “What should I do?” He asked quietly.

I was surprised he would ask me, a stranger by all accounts, for advice. “I don’t believe you want to be all those things they said.” I confessed.

His brows rose. “You don’t? How? It seems to be the common opinion of me around here.”

I bit my lip as I wrestled with my confliction to tell him the truth or not. But, the truth was what he needed right now. “I believe you’re capable of changing. I don’t think you’re truly evil at heart. I think you care about more things than yourself. I believe you can take accountability for your past actions, and move towards a better future.” I paused before adding, “But, you’re the only one who can make that choice. No one else can. I can help you, but I can’t force you to change. That’s something you’ll have to do.”

Lucio was silent, pondering over my words. “That’s quite an optimistic vision you have of me.” Lucio’s eyes fell and he leaned his head on my shoulder. “Perhaps I can try to make it come true.” He whispered.

“I want to help you.” I whispered back to him. “We’re in this together now.”

“Mhm… together.” He squeezed my hand. “I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.”

“Me either.” I whispered.

He moved closer to me with a soft sigh. “Stay with me a while longer?”

“Of course.” I laid my head against his and we watched the sun dip below the horizon.

[denkilightning]

what was the context of that line?

ill assume you mean the "george i thought i was only in love with you!" line.

the entire scene starts at 1:25:25 of "quackity and jschlatt win the dreams smp elections" which you can find on quackityvods on youtube.

rp/ when quackity asks george, tubbo and schlatt, if they want to talk about their feelings, he adds he hasnt talked about his feelings in a while.

then quackity stars saying that he likes this girl, while keep glancing at george (i believe its intended, given how he keeps looking forward and back at george multiple times). wait ill actually give you quotes here (he says and then just fucking transcripts the entire clip)

quackity: listen, im [glances at george], i- i met this girl, the other day [glances at george], and i thought i could share with you boys my thoughts on it [looks back at geogrge and tubbo]

tubbo: o-okay? (quieter) whats up big q?

quackity: she's a- she's a girl? and she looked at me? and i think i fell in love

schlatt: woo (/pos, idk how to describe that expression)

tubbo: okay

quackity: i think i fell in love. and i just dont know- i just dont know how to approach these feelings i have

george: yeah youre probably in love

quackity: [smiling, hopefully] you think so? george i thought i was only in love with you!

[pause]

george: well [pauses] sometimes times change

quackity: no, george, i dont want 'em to change. i dont want em to change, george

george: its up to you! 2x

quackity: you think so? 2x

george: yeah

quackity: [slightly flustered? i am bad at describing tone sorry] anyways! regarding my feelings- so i take this girl is like she likes me too, but shes not telling me. shes not telling me that she likes me!

george: shes just playing hard to get

quackity: she- do you think so? (speaking over george) do you think shes har-

george: who doesnt love you? who- how can she not love you?

quackity: [in a higher pitched tone, clearly happy] you think so?

george: [nodding] i know so

quackity: [makes a happy "whaa" noise] george? george? [in a very small voice] do you love me?

george: [takes a pause in nodding but nods again, saying nothing]

quackity: tubbo, tubbo can you please like stare that way? (over schlatt) can you stare that way?

schlatt: oh this is really awkward (over quackity) jesus 2x im cringing right now

quackity: what? what? [laughs] what? sounds like youre fucking little jealous. sounds like youre a little fucking jealous pal

quackity: [walking towards schlatt] i know you

[end transcript]

thats the entire context! after that quackity tells schlatt to tell viewers how schlatt used to call him an term of affection (i think pumpkin?) and then schlatt goes "imma make a speech", they announce the speech and he does the speech where he changes lmanbergs name to manberg.

i believe its also important to add few moments like:

quackity asking george if theyre ok with him calling them his gorgeous friend (they say he can call them whatever),

when quackity tells george his only job is to have a fat ass george says at 6:28 "well you should be pretty good at that",

at 7:17 quackity goes "i love you" and then slightly flustered changes the topic

at 10:33 tommy tells george to sit down and have some manners, quackity tells them verbatem "you can sit wherever you want, baby" and repeats it. tommy yells at him that you can't be dating ur coworkers and quackity says theyre not dating theyre just flirty friends

at 34:45 when wilbur reads out the election results quackity asks george to hug him

then at 1:55:16 starts a scene that pretty much ends with quackity kissing george multiple times (sic!) and everyone laughing cus georges skin has no lips to kiss so its implied theyre kissing on the lips

when george says fhey have to go shower at 2:05:07, which then extends to saying bye to everyone until 2:06:40, one of quackitys goodbyes is "thank you for the kisses"

given All Of That (and reminder thats from a single stream) AND quackity in a lore stream telling george "i was gonna propose-" yeah there are some heavy implications c! quackity has romantic feelings for c! george

[midnight-in-town]

About the current (last?) arc of AnY and going full circle

Sorry if some fans already mentioned those ideas but I’ve been rereading the current arc, because it’s been quite long and the pace has its flaws sometimes, so I wanted to broaden my perspective on the story. 

First of all, as an introduction can I just say that I’m, as always, impressed by Hak’s character. He had so much cliché and shallow potential when the story started (I really used to roll my eyes at him), but he became one of my absolute favorite by how deep and strong-hearted he actually is, once he allows people behind the walls he built around him. Anyway, my love for his character & development knows no boundary. I had to say this, ok. I’ll explain why later in the post. Moving on. 

A conflict of generation

If there is one thing I love about Kusanagi-sensei, it’s the feminine touch she adds to her writing. For example, when she naturally addressed periods during the Xing arc and it fit perfectly, because that’s just how her writing goes. In this arc, it shows through the initial bold move to tell us readers about the past through the thoughts and words of a character we’ve never met, that is to say, Yonhi, Yuhon’s wife and Suwon’s mother. 

And yet, it made absolute sense, because Yonhi was the reason behind the cataclysm that eventually led to Yuhon killing priests, as well as the falling-out between him and his younger brother, Il. All along, Yonhi was the silent but pained witness to this feud, watching as the ego of two brothers destroyed everything when none of the two backed down, leading to first Kashi’s death, then Yuhon’s murder and finally Suwon’s coup. 

So, in a way, even if I think Suwon makes a far better king than Yuhon or Il, his circumstances kinda precede the logical decision to get Il out of the picture before he completely annihilated his own kingdom in poverty and war, because there is too much resentment and hatred that fueled Suwon while growing up, even if we readers know that his motivations are primarily about saving Kouka from war against the Kai Empire.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely despise both Yuhon and Il but, unfortunately for Suwon, Yona growing up sheltered and mostly unaware of the horrible truth highlights her own decisions throughout the series to be completely selfless and wanting to own up to her father’s misjudgement, rather than trying to get back at Suwon, effectively breaking the cycle of hatred amongst the royal family. 

Why the Wind Tribe kept on supporting Il when everyone else could notice that he was betting on his daughter as the reincarnation of King Hiryuu to save his country is beyond me (Mundok plz explain). Not that Yuhon was better, preaching wars, and I’m glad that Il eventually reconciled with Yonhi, telling him that he would accept Suwon’s judgement but...

...I can’t forgive him for his words. 

Like Yonhi, I’d rather he would have hoped that his conflict with his brother did not reach his children than entertaining it the way he did.

Hopefully though, now that Yona read Yonhi’s memoirs, she will work towards achieving that goal. Not that I have any doubt, since she never really managed to hate Suwon. 

Speaking of the past generation, reading the latest chapters I couldn’t help but wonder about Yona's sad dream... could it be that she inherited Kashi’s gift? Kashi did say that she had these prophetic visions since very young which doesn’t seem to be Yona’s case, but I’ll keep the idea in mind, because it’s interesting. I mean, from Yonhi’s memoirs, it seems that Kashi envisioned that the child she would have would be Hiryuu’s reincarnation (whoever the father was going to be), so Yona inheriting the same prophetic gift from her mother would make sense. 

What an ironic parallel to Suwon inheriting the Crimson Illness from Yonhi if that’s the case, am I right? 

Yona as Kouka’s next Queen

And by that I do not mean Keishuk’s plan to marry her to Suwon, because of her popularity with Kouka’s people. Obviously, the story always was to conclude in Yona getting her throne back and that’s even easier to imagine with Suwon’s disabling illness, but becoming a ruler is tough work and Yona had no real experience acting as a leader for an entire country. 

She didn’t know much before her father’s murder and, even after she became a runaway with Hak and the rest of the HHB, she finely dealt with crises affecting some parts of the kingdom but never the whole kingdom at once, like it’s doomed to happen with the war against the Kai Empire. 

So I really appreciated her stepping up when Suwon couldn’t, because that’s definitely good training and we see the results in the latest chapters:

To be fair, I always thought that Keishuk would be the biggest thorn in Yona’s side during this arc but, as many characters have said in this arc, he’s rather clever and honest about what he intends to achieve, which is why it’s not in his interests to get in the way of Yona if they share a similar goal. 

Looking forward to her facing even greater challenges. Good luck, Yona. <3

War against the Kai Empire: there is strength in unity

The Kai Empire has been depicted as the story’s big bad for a long while now and the common goal for which Yona’s faction and Suwon’s allies could unite, but I’m glad to get more specifics and new characters to explore that part of the plot.

Namely, Mei and Vall. With Chagol, they seem like the perfect foil trio to Suwon, Yona and Hak, except that Chagol seems like a real thorn in the other two’s backs, when a strong bond still ties our main trio in spite of the sad circumstances of the beginning. I particularly love the mirroring reflection between Mei and Yona...

&

...except that Mei is not at odds with one kingdom but with two and that she also deals with the Crimson Illness. :/

Now that war has started, the big threat that South Kai represents will obviously be dealt with, but Kouka kingdom will need more than its five tribes to win this. That’s where I’m sure we all expect to see old “enemies” come back, namely Xing Kingdom, since Kouren signed a military agreement with Suwon, thanks to Yona and Tao. I would bet that this won’t be enough either, but Xing are the only known allies that Kouka kingdom has. 

There is another “enemy” we know from the previous arc though, who have strong feelings against the Kai Empire, specifically about rulers treating their women badly and they are...

...Ying Kuelbo and the Tully tribe. 

The big difference between Xing Kingdom and the Tully tribe is that Suwon never met or dealt directly with Kuelbo the way he did with Kouren and Tao. The Tully tribe lost and Kuelbo ran away, betrayed and having to find a new way to take on the Kai Empire. That’s why I think the Tully tribe would eventually make for a good ally in this war: it showed good promises when Yuran and Yona got along and I think Yona understood where Kuelbo was coming from, especially now that Mei is with them and can probably tell them in details about Chagol.

Not saying this will happen soon, but since there is someone who met and fought against Kuelbo, probably gaining his respect, if this person was to seek the Tully tribe to make them Kouka Kingdom’s ally on Yona’s guidance, I think Kuelbo would give it a thought. That’s right, I’m talking about Hak, who’s currently on his way with Yoon to the Earth Tribe to fetch a drug that will not be able to save neither Suwon nor Mei, thanks Zeno for spoiling us. 

That’s what I meant when I said that Hak slowly became one of my favorite characters throughout the story. While the Sky Tribe seems to be taking bets on who between Yona and Suwon will eventually sit for good on that throne, there is a good chance that Hak will be one of the key players when it comes to winning that war against South Kai. Not that we should expect any less from the Thunder Beast. <3

To be very honest though, I expected this arc to be very tough for his character, because the truth behind Il’s death and Suwon’s coup would never be easily understandable to him (Yona’s own words, not mine): 

Yet, surprisingly he was able to at least listen and, no matter if he will ever understand Suwon’s choice or not, he decided to trust in Yona’s decision to back Suwon in the rising political issues.  

In general, I love how Hak is the least bound by the past before Suwon’s coup. He did respect Il as his king, but he did not protect Yona in the beginning for anyone else’s sake but her own. Just like Kashi once asked him to always protect Yona (which is sweet since she could see the future) but, considering he never even thought about her words once in the story, it’s likely he doesn’t remember that at all, making the choice to be by Yona’s side defined as solely his own. 

It’s this strength of his that eventually led him to say recently that he would go fetch that drug with Yoon, knowing that it was for Suwon’s sake (surprising Suwon himself), just like he will definitely fight for Kouka Kingdom, not because Yona wants him to but because it’s clearly his own desire (see ch211 where he let Yun go alone so that he could help the Earth Tribe fight):

All that makes Hak the wildest card of every agency in the plot, not simply because he’s strong and reliable and the biggest worry of the Sky Tribe, but because...

...Yona and the four dragons will never give him up.

Through Hak, Yona will be able to assert her political weight and he will be there for her, like he always was, making it impossible for their little group to lose. What a power move, I love it. 

I think I should stop there because I already rambled so much. Looking forward to the rest of the arc, it’s going to be a wild ride!!