#anyways. i need to go to sleep it’s 11p and i need to be up at 5 but idk i’m just. very excited rn!!!

[ginalinettiofficial]

already posted one fic to ao3 today but might fuck around and post another in another fandom just to keep things spicy

[onepiexe]

ok ok im up im up

[abtoddler]

Yay its finally bedtime. I put the vics on, and really love this NorthShore supreme over my normal night time diaper.

Im nervous cause in the morning i meet a new doctor. I dont like to think about all my fears ahead of me, i try and really embody my perspective of temperance and balance. However moments like this scare the daylights out of me. So im writing out what im going to copy and paste for my new doctor in the morning.

I have problems articulating everything clearly:

The reasons im super scared are because ive got nothing to think i will recover in anyway. The coldness, the discomfort; the burning sensations down from my knees, i cant move several of my toes, or feel much as far as pain anymore once the numbness comes on nearly as soon as i sit or lay on something.

The pain never stops, the golfball in my spine, the burning feet. And then all the horrible side effects of my ibs, digestive problems, and the pain of voiding stool. Which then causes me to throw up 1-4 times a day. Theres a point when i am feeling all the sensations of vomit, but nothing to very little comes out. The pain is what causes it when my entire body tries to expell the stool. It doesnt matter what consistency either. When the stool arrived and i did nothing to bring it on; it burns like its mucus and acid. When its hard, it hurts in different ways, and its generally this which i am trying to increase digestive health, but there are so many foods i cannot eat:

Pork- causes vomiting and diarrhea

Soda- swelling of my stomach

Certain fruits- cause immediate burning sensations as soon as they get eaten: anything with citric acid: lemon, orange, kumkuats

The lemonades, juice blends. Etc.

Some types of bread

Cereal: i had been eating oat based cereal like lucky charms, and got really sick my stomach got so much worse; this was three weeks ago, so ive been trying to recover colon health.

I need to know full food allergies so i can stop going through all of this. Trying to not get sick or be in pain every time i eat.

I have also stopped trying to manually control the void with an enema, or stimulating plug. And have tried compensating by taking chlorophyll vitamens to reduce odor. Its been helping, and has only been started in the last 3 weeks, when my stomach got so bad from the cereal (which happened in the same week that the roundup chemicals had been discovered in all oat based cerals from the major companies)

I have a hard time verbalizing a lot of things these days. Interactions with people outside of being able to sit and come up with a verbal or typed response. Its hard to talk to people, its hard to focus on conversations, its hard to process the comprehension of what im being told when im not on any medications. Its getting harder to interact with people outside of work, and home.

I practice mindfulness every day, i try and stay flexible. Ive gotten back to work and can stand for an hour or so, before the burning sensations and weakness to my knees and legs. The cold, the wet, was particularly hellacious this last month. Ive also noticed that my fingers will begin to go numb like my toes, when the upper part of my back (new area). There is also the sensation of someone sticking a sewing needle under my left hand, small-ring-middle finger. This sensation occurs a few times a day, and i wonder if its like the same sensation that occurs in my feet. But its super sharp and focused. So thsts why i think its something else. It doesnt feel like the constant pressure, restlessness, numbness, tingling, the “whitenoise” on an old tv if that visual was a feeling beneath the skin that never stops:

On my upper left thigh from my hip to my knee

On the outer side, has little to no sensation for things other then a buzzing: this occurrence was immedately after my radio frequency ablation.

The normal course of my day for the last 6-8 months. Where there is pretty much no deviation to the day:

4:30 am (last occurrence was on 4/11)

To

8:45 am when my alarm goes off, i have to wait for the feeling to return to my toes so i can stand up and get my day organized.

Within 1-3 hours of waking up, if i do not immediately get in the shower, and spend no less then 45 minutes-2 hours cleaning my rectum.

From that, i cant really eat much, or have much energy after. I usually take about 5 hours to try and get through as much of what ever it is, with out pain medication, so by the time my pain level is making it hard to focus, i take one of my pain meds, muscle relaxer, and benedryll to counteract the itching all over in random pressures and intendities, this occurs from 10:30- 3 pm and while the hour it takes to shower again when i get home or have to change my diaper. I have no energy left and sleep til 6:00-9pm. From 9-11 time watching tv with my partners. Then from10:30 pm i take all my meds. Then 11p-as late as 10 am, no sleep regardless of position, burning feet, numb feet, that burn. Constant hot flashes at night so by the time i was up its been 2-4 in the middle of the night.

Over the past 6 months, ive been running out of medication. If the day is cold, or if i have to drive anywhere, if i have to be on my feet. The one med i have when i get home from work, and then again so i can sleep, has caused me to not get anywhere with managing these sensations. There is not enough or its not effective. My doctors do not listen.

Opiates make me itch. Thats why i take benedryl, and hydroxizine to help reduce itching. There is mediation that they give me in the er to help, but no one has cared to explore if that’s something that would work for my vomiting as well which occurs due to pain expelling stool.

I usually eat about 9-11 pm each day as i try and have something in my stomach when intake my night pills after dinner.

My ability to drive; lasts about 20 minutes. So im able to get to and from single outings in a day, i dont have stamina or emotional endurace to go much beyond this routine.

I cannot travel, can barely work, walk with a cane, and have this is what my normal day is, and has been for nearly 2 years without reiable relief of any kind. No one seems able to understand how limiting it is, how much pain that never stops, how even eating or drinking the wrong thing creates even more problems.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

I dont have anything I can think to do next, i dont have anymore hope that i can go 6 hours without something going wrong. There isn’t anything ive been able to have reliable, consistent relief from since moving to san diego in 2012. Daily management has not occurred, from anything that has been recomended from the long term and my quality of life is between being unable to focus, or interact with others in a meaningful way, or without loosing sensations, stumbling on something, have panic attacks because of the anxiety problems from always being over stimulated to the point where body contact with my partner cannot happen. My skin feels like it burns when something touches it, i cannot wear much without it scratching and leaving marks on my skin, or causing more varieties of sensory hell. My shirts, pants, the pressure from then diaper if its not fitted well. The sensation can be anything from sharp like im being cut, or an another itching or burning in places where things touch me. I have no idea what will happen next.

[jc-travels-the-world]

Swearing In

I never talked about the day I felt my happiest. Swearing in.

It was a bitter-sweet day because I would be leaving my PST host family, with whom I have grown quite close. But, I was off to become an official PCV in Moldova.

I will start by speaking about the evening before. My PST village and volunteers got together to with our host families for a celebration. We went to Michael’s host family’s lake and had a barbecue. It went on for hours, until about 11p. We got back to the house at about midnight. Ana-Maria and I had already planned to have one last movie night together before I left but the party interrupted that plan. So, I decided I would suffer the tiredness and do the movie night anyways! (Spoiler: I fell asleep through 90% of the movie) At about 2a we went to sleep. And then at 6a we were up.

My stomach was in knots. I was so nervous about the unknown. I wasn’t quite sure what was going to be happening. I couldn’t even drink any tea. So, the rutiera that was here to pick up Diamond, Jorge, Katie, Kathryn, and I (and Emilia and my host family) arrived and we loaded in our stuff. Then the bumpy road to Chișinău commenced.

We finally arrived and were one of the last ones. Sadly, a couple people on my bus ended up getting car sick and we had to yell to the driver to pull over to let them off. I think from the long night before and nerves for today mixed with the driving didn’t help anyone’s stomach. Once finally parked in the correct location we needed to bring all of our luggage into a luggage room…..down a set of stairs…. I came to Moldova with a big suitcase, hiking backpack, a large school backpack, and a purse. In addition to all of that my suitcase was MUCH heavier and an additional five bags of stuff from Peace Corps that I acquired all summer. I was thankful for having Danu there as he assisted me bring my stuff downstairs.

So, now that we’ve arrived it was time for us to get changed. Those that were performing were allowed to wear the national costume through the ceremony! We did a run through of our performances. To be honest, we all didn’t know all of the word to the song and thankfully we were allowed to have a paper with the words on it to assist us! Made it so much better.

Then came the dance. We’d been practicing on a stage but where we were dancing now was not a stage. We didn’t have as much space available and had to adapt as we were dancing with placement. After that we did our Peace Corps Oath. Then stood around waiting for the actual ceremony to begin.

It was all so exciting. The choir from my PST village came to sing the Moldovan National Anthem. Then five volunteers went on stage to sing the US National Anthem. They did a very good job!

We sat through speeches presented by people in the Moldovan government, the Ambassador, and Peace Corps staff. It was quite the occasion! When it came time to officially swear in EE was first! We went up and stood in our specific locations. It amused me because EE was off to the left while HE and COD were off to the right.

Finally, at the end we did our performances. Another village had prepared two songs which they performed. Then came my village’s turn. We did our song. Then we did our dance with a couple other girls from the other EE village and Danu and Clayton. (As the perfectionist that I am, I was upset with my singing and dancing. I and another volunteer began dancing at the wrong moment while we sang. And while doing our dance routine I forgot a part. But, forever grateful for Jorge, he remembered and tugged me to get me moving!)

Once our dance was done we ran off to get changed out of the costumes. We were no longer PCTs but PCVs. Some of the people talked to the PC staff and apparently our performance was one of the best performances they had seen at the swearing in ceremony. Very up lifting.

Once done getting changed I found Liliana, Danu, and Ana-Maria. We went and got some food. I found my director and introduced them all. While the room began to disperse, Emilia came and said goodbye to me. And I lost it. Once she walked away I began to cry. Then Ana-Maria began to cry. And we were all getting teary. It wasn’t a goodbye, but see you later. After living with them for ten weeks it was hard to leave. Many people saw us all getting emotional and came over to give me a hug goodbye and wish me succes, such as Galina my LTI and Nina my PM. We went off and found my director outside again. Then together we all got my luggage and brought it to his car. After our final goodbyes the Director and I were off to my permanent site!....with a quick stop to pick up his daughter in the capital.

It was a fairly quiet ride. My brain wasn’t fully functioning for English, let alone Romanian. I was full of so many different emotions.

When I arrived at site mama was there waiting for me. We didn’t talk much and I rested a bit. I remember being a bit chilly in my room even though it was so hot out. This. This is where I will be living.

Leading up to Swearing In a lot of changes occurred. Our Country Director was moved to another country and we had an Acting Director. We had two people leave Peace Corps the week of Swearing In. There was a language assessment a few days before we swore in which stressed me out immensely. But overall, it worked out. Everything was fine.

[collecting-stories]

Meet Cute - Modern!Ivar

#36: Character name/reader work at a store and the other keeps coming in but never buys anything. For @dani-si and @dangerousvikings Christmas Prompt Challenge. (I did modern Ivar because I felt weird writing about Alex.)

Meet Cute - Modern!Ivar ‘the Boneless’ Ragnarsson

You had described your future fantasy meet-cute in great detail to multiple friends, your ex-boyfriend once in a series of drunken texts, and anyone else who would listen. It wasn’t entirely original in its account but it was yours and you swore someday, if Starbucks would just hire you, it would happen. The ultimate meet-cute in which you’re a barista and some gorgeous guy stops in every morning anyway just to see you. Except currently you were employed overnight at a convenience store in Dublin while you finished your final year of uni.

“Brennan,” you called, holding up a box of flake, “June.”  

“Chris is still in the lead, he found counters that expired in February.” Brennan replied, leaning over the counter to see you. When the door opened he stood back up, disappearing from view and you went back to sorting through candy. You were sitting on the floor of the last aisle, having finally gotten to the bottom shelves.  

Whoever had walked in was chatting with their companion in a language that was foreign to you. The person talking was getting closer to your aisle but you didn’t move, assuming that they would see you sitting on the floor with boxes of candy on either side of you.

Except they didn’t. Instead you were caught off guard when an entire wheelchair (thankfully not motorized you later decided) and its occupant rammed into your side and fell on top of your lap. You were pretty sure you screamed but thinking back on it you really can’t remember. The guy in the chair was quick to unbuckle himself and, still sprawled across you, balancing his upper body on one arm, attempted to push the chair off himself.  

Your first thought was that he was stupid; after you briefly noted that he had nice arms. Questionable brain, but nice arms. He cursed in the same language he’d been speaking when he came in and it seemed to jar you enough that you leaned forward to help move his chair up to it’s rightful position.  

Another person laughed and said something you were not meant to understand (that was also clearly about you based solely on the way he glanced at you when he spoke) and you looked up to realise that the friend was standing in the aisle. The boy, or young man you supposed, scooted himself to a sitting position (off your lap), said something to the friend and then looked back at you. “Sorry.”  

You just nodded like an idiot and got up, quickly going back to the front of the store and ducking around the counter to sit at your register.  

The two moved into the last aisle of the store, where all the drinks were and began talking again. You tried to decipher root words from their speech but it was hard and you couldn’t tell if they were talking about drinks or about what a dumbass you were. You were going to finish sorting through the candy when the sound of something dropping on your end of the counter caught your attention.  

“You have a customer.” Brennan announced.  

Only the friend bought anything, the other one that fell over you was beside him and just watched you while you rang up the order. Crisps and soda. And a beer. When they were done the dumb one with the nice arms apologised again, this time glancing to your name tag and reading your name off. You smiled but didn’t actually look at him.  

The minute the door closed behind them Brennan busted out laughing.

You were mostly embarrassed and not actually injured at all. The embarrassment was worse though. You contemplated telling your boss you would have to quit, you could never come to work again. But then what if you saw him in Dublin somewhere, you’d have to leave Ireland all together. Fly back home and finish school somewhere completely different. You tried to reassure yourself that you would never see him again.  

Except you did. He came in two mornings later, at the very end of your shift and you nearly hit him with the office door when you opened it. He laughed, apologised with your name, and then left almost immediately after you did.  

Then he came in again that night, around 11p. He was alone, same as he’d been in the morning and you were safely behind the counter, proofing an essay that was due in the next day. You heard the door and glanced up, catching his back as he turned down the first aisle. You were quick to look down again. Purposely, you had opted out of wearing your name tag. He fiddled around in each aisle, taking things off the shelf then putting them back but never deciding on anything. He spent ten minutes, you timed it, wandering around the tiny, three aisle store before finally leaving empty handed.  

That became routine. Nearly every night he stopped in. Wandering around the aisles, sometimes with a friend, usually alone. When he came with the friend from the first night they talked nonstop to each other in whatever language they shared. You figured maybe he was in school here, same as you, and you tried to decide what you thought he looked like he would study. You and he rarely made eye contact and when you did it was in the same way a 12 year old with a crush might. You stared until you realised he caught you and then you quickly busied yourself with schoolwork or your phone; he did the same.  

It kept up for three weeks. When he came in with the usual friend they always checked out at your till. It was like the friend was determined to continue embarrassing you cause he grinned like he was playing a joke on you every time.    

The next night he came in alone. You were in an aisle and Brennan, just to test his theory, told him you were off the night. He left without even looking around.  

“I told you he’s stalking you.”  

“Well until he starts showing up at my classes or like my house, I think maybe he’s just weird.” You replied, not wanting to dwell on the idea of someone stalking you.  

“Maybe it’s like his country’s way of asking out someone.”  

“I doubt it.” You replied.  

He didn’t come in again for a while. It was still on his commute home and sometimes you’d see him go passed the store front but he never stopped and he never looked inside.  

Finally, three days before you were set to go home for Christmas, he came in. The counter was clear cause you were in the office on your break and he only stopped in because he really needed sudafed. He was getting a cold and he didn’t want to get sick before the holiday. Brennan was doing trash and, instead of just waiting on him, walked to the office and banged on the door calling to you that there was a customer.  

You came around the aisle to see him there, back to you typing on his phone. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves then went around the register to wait on him. “Did you find everything okay?” You kept your eyes glued to the register screen as you spoke.  

He nodded and then sighed, knowing he had to apologize. “I’m sorry about…I didn’t mean to be so weird. I wanted to ask you out I just, kept getting nervous.”

“Well…it was definitely weird.” You laughed, causing Ivar to smile. His smile looked sweet and innocent and you just wanted to hug him to death. Which was equally as weird as him dropping in at your work every night. “But I wasn’t totally opposed to it.” You wanted to add that it gave you a seriously gorgeous guy to stare at for ten minutes every night but held your tongue.  

“I thought after your co-worker said you weren’t here that you were trying to avoid me.”

“No! No, not at all, Brennan thought you were stalking me.” You laughed, “I guess you kinda were. And so he wanted to see what would happen if he told you I wasn’t there. But I didn’t…I didn’t know. I didn’t tell him too. He’s an idiot.”

“Well regardless I’m sorry.”  

“So, are you going to then?” You asked.

“Going to?”

“Ask me out. Are you going to?”

“Would you want to go out with me?” The question didn’t seem as confident as you imagined he actually was. More insecure, like he was asking if you’d actually consider going with him not if you wanted to go with him.

Gorgeous guy with nice arms? “Yeah, yeah definitely. On one condition.”

“What’s that?” He asked. He rolled his wheelchair back and forth as he waited for you to answer him. It was a nervous habit that his brothers always got annoyed with.  

“Tell me your name.” You replied, “since you know mine.”

“Ivar.”  

“Well Ivar…you’re going to have wait on that date until the new year. I’m headed home for Christmas in a few days.” You asked leaning against the counter to get closer to him.

“Well what are you doing after this?”

“Going home and sleeping, why’d you wanna tag along?”  

“Sure.”

“No I was joking!” You laughed, feeling your whole face heat up. “It was a joke.”

“I know.” He grinned and you leaned forward to smack his arm. “Did you just hit a cripple?”

“One that ran me down with his wheelchair!” You joked. “Though you getting back in the chair was pretty impressive.”

“I know,” he wheeled back a little, “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone stare harder.”

“I wasn’t staring!”  

“You were.”

“Well I can’t help it, you have really nice arms.” You replied. He flipped his brakes on and put his hands on his arm rests, pushing himself up a little to make his arms flex. “Stop! You’re such a jerk.”

Despite initially not feeling well Ivar ended up sticking around for the rest of your shift, moving around to the side of the counter and sitting right next to you. It was a slow night and you spent most of it talking to Ivar. Conversation moved from school to friends to Christmas plans. Even though you’d been joking before, after spending the whole night together you and Ivar stopped for coffee before he went with you back to your brother’s house. He stopped you before you could get inside.  

“I would’ve asked sooner…I just didn’t think you’d say yes.” Ivar admitted. The first night he had come in after the accident he had wanted to ask you out but he’d gotten too in his head and convinced himself there was no way you’d agree to date him.  

“You probably could’ve asked while you were lying on top of me and I would’ve said yes.” You joked. He grinned. “don’t look all smug.”

“I’m not.”  

“You are.” You replied, trying to jab his side. He caught your wrist and tugged a little, pulling you in close to him. You smiled, face close to his, “are you going to kiss me?”

His tongue darted out and he licked his lips quickly before pulling a little more and closing the short distance between the two of you. His hand went from your wrist to your waist, pulling your body closer to him. One of your hands held the arm rest of his chair while the other went to his shoulder, steadying yourself on him.  

“I’m gonna fall if you tug any harder on my shirt.” You whispered against his mouth, in between kisses.  

“You think?” He teased and gave another tug, proving your theory right as you fell, catching yourself by wedging your knee between his leg and the arm rest, your other leg between his footrests.  

“Let’s go inside.”  

I had to edit this three times to make it under 2,000 words. Also I used the word Christmas a total of two times…does that make it a Christmas story? 

*Side note: having seen some ableist posts going around I just wanted to say I let Ivar call himself cripple because my sister, who has congenital muscular dystrophy and uses a power chair, frequently and jokingly refers to herself as a cripple. I’m not trying to say he thinks of himself badly. He’s rather self-confident.

[sumergosuigeneris]

May 16, 2017

So I’m feeling like a piece of shit for saying something to one of my roommates. This is the loud one - talks loud, laughs loud, slams cabinets, slams doors etc...She’s just naturally loud.

I’ve tried to be understanding and moderate it my requests for her to bring it down, but I wonder....

I’ve only asked for people to bring it down during the quiet hours: 10p-9am Sunday through Thursday, 11p-9am Friday and Saturday.

I’ve mostly always had to ask. If I don’t ask, several of them don’t bring it down. The OCD one - she only had to be spoken to once or twice and now she’s good.

I asked them to bring it down with the loud movies, the game nights. I’ve asked them to stop slamming things - the slamming of the cabinet doors mostly stopped. I’ve asked people to honor the quiet hours. That’s just permanent on the white board now.

I’ve asked her and the guy to not slam the door, along with the cabinets. Interestingly, that’s when he started slamming the door. 

To be clear - it’s the amount of force necessary to push the door completely shut when you don’t turn the knob. One way of doing it is to turn the knob, which we did when the lock was a deadbolt. It changed with the lock on the knob. It takes 2 seconds to turn the knob and close it, rather than put an extra umph and shove it or throw it. The knob still needs to be locked. 

Where it does ask for a little extra is when leaving. Instead of locking and yanking the door hard to close it, it requires closing the door then using the key to lock it. But again, before we had a deadbolt so that was the only way to lock the door.

Anyway, I’ve also asked her to bring her voice down at night. Again, I had to make a point when her boyfriend was harassing me that I hear everything in the living room and kitchen.

I asked her to bring it down when she came in on Saturday night talking loudly on the phone and slamming the door 6 or 7 times. She said she was leaving, but proceeded to do it again several times. 

I wrote it on the board after that, and she still did it. 

It’s those two last paragraphs that made me decide that even though she’s out in 9 days I had to say something. Because I spoke to her directly at the time and she ignored me. I wrote it on the board and she ignored that. 

Maybe she has an argument that I was too subtle or she didn’t understand I was referring to the door before, but those two times were very specific. And she ignored me.

Anyway, she responded and had an attitude. I’m being authoritarian and I won’t have to worry about it after next week.

She was being petty in her response, so I responded (proud of me!) with petty. I thanked her for finally acknowledging a message I said 5 or 6 times, and I was glad she was going to shut the door like a normal person. I even included a smiley face. She kind of went off a little, saying I never said anything before this weekend.

I decided to not respond to that b/c I got what I wanted which is an acknowledgment and hopefully action. And she is leaving.

But......

Then I started feeling badly. But you know what, we do live in an apartment that houses 4 people. Each of us should say something if someone is infringing on our ability to sleep. We should each be considerate of others. I know I don’t do everything that others want me to do. But I don’t do anything that keeps them from basic necessities, and that’s the sticking point.

Additionally, I try to be considerate of others, even if my actions don’t always work out that way. I also try to be fair. I should be able to include myself in that, right?

I was feeling guilty, then I started feeling bitchy and thinking - this girl wants to be an astronaut????!!!!! But then I thought, again, I’m essentially training all of them to be more considerate roommates to others in the future. And especially if this girl wants to be an astronaut - there’s no space in space, no privacy, no sound-proofing. I was in a small research habitat for a few days and it’s the same thing - if you bang everything, you’re gonna wake everyone up. If you don’t make compromises with 3 or 5 other people (depending on the # in the mission) you cannot make it through the mission without killing each other.

Anyway, and yes, it is my apartment. I think it’s frustrating that I’m the bad guy when the only reason you’re being considerate of my request is that I’m your landlord. 

Random thought: should only extroverts room with extroverts, and introverts with introverts? I think not, but I definitely think maybe introverts should not be outnumbered by extroverts.

[avantegardedog]

3/13/23/30-39/43

hi sorry I’m a piece of shit and forgot to do this but I think I found the post you were referencing3. What was the last song you listened to? Lovely Things suite, by Watsky! (it’s actually four songs technically but they’re meant to be listened to back to back)13. Fears? my normal ones are wasps/bees/hornets/etc., that’s really the main one. I do not fuck with those little assholes at all. I’m also pretty afraid of injuries of my hand, because I’m a percussionist so any kind of hand injury (broken bone, tendinitis, etc.) can bench me for a long time. I worry about my dental health, I feel like a crisis might be coming up with that soon :/ The more deep/serious fear of mine relates to my mental health and relationships. In my last depressive episode I made a lot of choices and did shit that hurt the people I cared most about that’s impossible to take back. They had to sit my ass down and tell me to leave and get my shit together, it resulted in my girlfriend of nearly 3 years breaking up with me and while I’ve grown since then, it’s still hard to shake the feeling that I’m just a broken piece of shit and I’m going to inevitably ruin all my relationships and hurt the people around me. Related, I worry a lot about becoming like my mom. She’s been in a very long downward spiral and I love her (despite her being kind of a shitty person), but it terrifies me when I see parts of her in me, because they’re never things I want. Also being alone forever. I know it’s common as a fear but being on the spectrum and my various other mental illnesses make connecting people seem insurmountable. Also as mentioned, I recently went through a rough breakup, so part of it might stem from that. Idk. I have a hard time getting by alone. 23. Do you believe in aliens? Abso-fuckin-lutely. At least in some form, you know? it just seems improbable that they wouldn’t

30. What are you looking forward to in the near future?I have my senior recital this semester, and despite the stress of getting everything together, I’m actually looking forward to doing it. I have a really good program (with not a single dead white dude! (ok well there’s a white dude but he’s alive)) and a lot of it is the hardest stuff I’ve played in one manner or another, and after a college career of feeling like  consistent disappointment or mediocre, I’m ready to throw down and really find myself in the process. 

31. What are you looking forward to in the distant future?Not sure. I want to say I’m excited to graduate next spring, but that also brings a lot of anxiety, because I’m still not sure what I’m doing with my life. 

32. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? Umm well I’ve been missing the northeast but this seems like a bad time lol. I’d be down to go camping though, I really need to spend some time in the outdoors. I don’t really care much of where, as long as it’s not too cold (so probably somewhere in a different part of texas)

33. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Room door closed (bc I live in a shared house) , closet door can be either

34. What’s your favorite flower? Idk? I really just like flowers in general, but I do really like irises and lotuses

35. Do you currently have a squish? I’m nursing like 4 separate crushes all of various intensities and stages of progression and it’s killing me rn :( 

36. Do you like your middle name? it’s alright. I haven’t a known a lot of Brian’s I like (my uncle and my ex’s dad come to mind) but my dad gave it to me out of respect to his older brother, which I respect (despite my uncle’s issues, I care for him a lot and he’s been one of my closest uncles), and it doesn’t really ever come up anyway

37. Do you prefer dogs or cats? Cats!

38. Do you have any phobias? I don’t think I have any fears or anxieties intense enough to really be phobias, so I guess let’s just say no!

39. Do you stay up late? Frequently! my body has always been wired to run pretty late (even as a kid I was most comfortable going to bed after 10) and these days I usually get to bed between 11p-2a

43. Do you have siblings? How many? I have four older siblings! (I’m the youngest) 3 older sisters and my brother who’s the oldestThank you so much!!!