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bearballing · 2 years ago

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End of the year Asks exept they’re not asks and done like a livejournal/myspace answer thing

1) Song of the year? Rare Ould Mountain Dew - The Irish Rovers i actually discovered in on xmas eve last year, rare old mountain dew was mentioned in Fairytale of New York so I decided to look it up and this was the first version i found and then i fell down a rabbit hole of traditional irish music. lol. anyway this is still the best recorded version of mountain dew there is

runner up is Hell’s Comin’ With Me - Poor Man’s Poison it just so happened to be the perfect song for saints row 2022 AND for thaddeus. whomst i played as

notable mention is any version ever of The Rattlin Bog/Bog Down In The Valley-o. i found a youtube version of some irish wedding where the guests were drunkenly singing it at like 3am and even that slapped

2) Album of the year?

Not released in 2022 - The Irish Rovers 50 Years

Released in 2022 - Bronco, Orville Peck. and i had apparently forgotten to put the album on my phone until THE OTHER DAY???

3) Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

The Irish Rovers. Other notables are The Dubliners, Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, Strugill Simpson, The Protomen

4) Movie of the year?

Nope. like enoguh for me to Physically own it when it came out on bluray.

5) TV show of the year?

we watched Parasyte and Ghost In The Shell, first time I saw both of them and i love when shows make me like obsess over the lore lmao.

OH AND UH THE UK COMING /SECOND/ IN EUROVISION.

6) Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i dont think there was a specific episode of anything.

7) Favorite actor of the year?

jim byrnes, every time we find out something about him it makes our heads explode lol. we still have to actually watch half the stuff he’s been in

8) Game of the year?

joint Saints Row and Pokemon Legends Arceus. 95% of the complaints about saints row are stupid i loved it. i still want to try to 100% it (I’M CLOSE) at some point

9) Best month for you this year?

january/february maybe

10) Something that made you cry this year?

hurricane ian. also the death of 2 cats

11) Something you want to do again next year?

go to maine lol. we May be able to

12) Talk about a new friend you made this year

well i gained several mutuals on here.....

13) How was your birthday this year?

it was nice!!! i got to do shit that i wanted and just chill. and i’m finally not in my 20s anymore

14) Favorite book you read this year?

i don’t think i read anything new, only re-read things

15) What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

fuck i dunno. procrastinating on vacuuming the house.

16) Post a picture from the beginning of the year

17) Post a picture from the end of the year

18) A memorable meal this year?

we had dinner at belle’s castle at disney world. IN THE WEST WING.

19) What’re you excited about for next year?

visiting my family in the uk. which i’m also nervous about ngl

20) What’s something you learned this year?

that gamefreak can truly get away with anything regardless of quality

21) What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

WE OWN A HOUSE WE OWN A HOUSE WE OWN A HOUSE WE OWN A HOUSE

22) Favorite place you visited this year?

didney wurl trip was gr9, really liked getting to go to new england again even though the circumstances sucked.

23) If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

house happens on the 31st don’t worry about it

24) Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

got a house lol

25) Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

no new ones but this was definitely the year of our lord Thaddeus2022. i played as him in saints row And in pokemon violet and accidentally created so much new lore for him. boxy also accidentally dreamed up yet another AU where he is the main character too lmao

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mego42 · 4 years ago

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Shamelessly stealing @foxmagpie’s monthly rec thing without the ability to get my life together to do these on a monthly basis so, seasonal recs! So excited to see if I manage to do this again with anything remotely resembling consistency but i’ve been keeping the notes for approximately 43 years (or since ~september, whatever that means) so by god i’m gonna use them.

found my thrill - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe

Turner POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys turner is SO OBSESSED with Beth and Rio

both canonically and in this fic

it’s gr9

also features a weirdly soothing and relatable cord untangling moment as a metaphor

truly disturbingly relatable turner pov tbh

relentless boomer disdain, always a plus

led to the creation of this monstrosity, not sure what kind of a monster would do that

War In My Mind - mintletters16

Backread!!!!

post-213, gorgeous character study

guaranteed to make you feEl stUfF

I really love the like, cyclical, fractured pattern of Beth’s internal monologue, it gives the whole thing a really affecting at times dreamy, at times haunted vibe

the end twist is *chef’s kiss*

mourning bells - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet

Backread!!!!

Later s2 era, Rio’s at a funeral, gets drunk and calls Beth

V short, kind of…..mmm, not sweet, but almost? Idk

It’s got a wistful sort of almost/i can be quiet with you vibe that i go extremely bonkers for

delinquents - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Lol are any of you actually not reading this yet?

g o d ch 8 where do i start

First off how ABSOLUTELY VERY DARE for the tragic angst that is delinquents!beth boland. This poor baby, this precious bean. MUST PROTEC

SHE’S TRYING HER BEST AND I LOVE HER

zero percent deserves dean’s clammy hands, no i have not forgotten, tattooed on my brain, will never forgive

I also love love love love LOVE the ruby/stan subplot happening

(and ruby’s mom!!!!!) (seriously though you write the best moms)

oh god and baby beth starting to have confusing feelings about rio?????? *chef’s kiss*

p sure i was just like, straight screaming the entire end of the chapter

the dugout is like, pure serotonin

I can’t even talk about the closet

tHe teNsiOn

thank you i will take eleventy billion

don't give it a hand, offer it a soul - medievalraven / @medievalraven

am a desperate heaux for any fic that features rio and mick friendship

you are all incredibly shocked i know

still would not be mad if this swerved into rio x mick fake dating but beth x rio is cool too i guess

Speaking of things i am a desperate heaux for: DIANE!!!!!!!!

and DATING ANNIE???????????? Blessed

honestly this fic is worth it purely for the assertion that mick watches queer eye

Why don't we go to Venus? - watermelonriddles / @bensonstablers

another grief study!

apparently i was working through some stuff in september, idk, that was like 4 years ago

considering it’s the premise of the fic, i don’t think it’s a spoiler to say this fic is canon divergent and working with the premise that rio killed beth in 302

he is uh, not coping well

extremely haunted you might say

lots of marcus and rhea which is a delight!

rhea is to good for him tbh

i said what i said

truly top notch dream (nightmare?) sequences

the conversation at the end is extremely uncalled for

drop the game - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet

Backread!!!!

Am going to die mad Beth and Rio didn’t hook up in 211 but luckily this fic scratched the itch

(temporarily, it’s a fairly permanent itch)

Bonus rec: missing scene series i wanna do bad things to you featuring 2x02 and 2x04

Viva Voce - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx

Whoops we woke up married Vegas shenanigans!!

So cute!!!!! So sexy!!!!!

What more do you want?

am desperately obsessed with how beth can’t help stalking rio

feels right, feels organic

this makes me feel a lot of stuff about how they could be without their canon garbage between them

🎶 we could’ve had it aaaaaaaaaaall 🎶

you showed me colors (i can't see them with anyone else) - gild_fire / @gild-and-fire

really into the use of color to illustrate beth’s emotional state, i feel like there’s a word for that but idk what it is

UNIMPORTANT

really nice job capturing beth’s inner vulnerability balanced by her outer stubbornness

am DESPERATELY into Mick playing matchmaker

more please???????

Both Sides of the Law - JoeyLee / @joeyjoeylee

LAW SCHOOL AU! I suuuuuuper love Beth and Rio here (alt pov!! a gift!!!!) I love how initially prickly they are, I love how it’s evolving into a grudging respect, I love how INCREDIBLY AND HILARIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER THEY ARE and neither one of them seems to see it

listen I know we’re all already foaming at the mouth over this one but as it’s gonna go down as one of my all time favorites it bears repeating/rereccing

cannot stress enough how masterful the use of POV is here, both voices feel completely true and distinct and I love how the alternating chapters revisit, reveal and emphasize pieces of each other

i can’t talk about this fic without hyperventilating

I LOVE IT SO MUCH YOU GUYS

the slow burn is going to ACTUALLY KILL ME

rip, no regrats

Earned It - wakeupflawless / @wakeupflawless

spanking

that’s it that’s the pitch

H O T

living for beth’s exit in the first chapter, rio and i are both incredibly into it

second chapter also features violently possessive Rio who cannot deal with anyone messing with his girl so if that’s your thing boy howdy get on it

shake, baby, shake - openhearts

backread!!!!!

according to my bookmarks this was a reread but ???????

must’ve read it in the fugue state that followed reading for a moment we were strangers which is gr9 and I believe I have recced it before. If not, horrible oversight, reccing it now

beth and Rio POV lead up to the bathroom break, beautifully done, low-key feel bad reccing it bc the end point of both chapters makes me want to throw things but it’s super worth it for the tEnsiOn. ENJOY

What the Sea Wants, the Sea Will Have - flashindie / @pynkhues

I’m assuming all of y’all are already reading this

If not OH MY GOD FIX YOUR LIVES

P I R A T E A U

I’m sorry maybe you didn’t hear me piRaTE aU

meticulously researched, brain-meltingly vibrant, already painfully sexy slow-burning PIRATE AU

god where to start okay so first off, the world-building here straight up breaks my brain, sophie’s put in the work and it SHOWS

second, the atmosphere. i’m generally a pretty like, vague mental picture sort of reader but the sensory detail here grabs you by the throat and like, forcibly hauls you in whether your brain’s wired that way or no

and hey speaking of throats if you, like me, go a little funny about the knees at the idea of beth holding a knife to rio’s throat (he’s fine, calm down), there’s a v excellent beth-in-a-barrel moment for you

oh christ and the sexy tension

it’s gonna be a race to see which slow burn takes me out first, this or law school

Stunner - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Another high school AU, this time with baby Rio absolutely head over heels for his older sister’s bff

stunner!Rio has an emotional earnestness about him that I feel like delinquents!Rio has already outgrown and it’s so SWEET I can’t get enough

Desperately cute!!!!!!

alL he waNts iS foR beTh tO bE hiS girL

also unreasonably angsty???????

ANN ARBOR IS NOT THAT FAR MEGAN

A Heart's A Heavy Burden - tooshyforthis / @bathroombreaks

Howl’s Moving Castle AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Howl’s!!!!!!!!!!!

perfect opp to roast Rio for being a Dramatique Heaux

and it’s gonna be 9 chapters?????? H Y P E

author’s note boldly presumes I did not know I needed this AU when the reality is I did in fact know I needed this AU, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to deliver

so blessed

author also claims to not be team nose stud and yet it features prominently in all its magnificent glory

what is the truth dot gif

A Bit of a Stretch - septiembre / @septiembur

SO????? CUTE?????????

would be on this list for Rio calling Beth E alone tbh

really really really really really love this Rio POV of being settled into a relationship with Beth

It manages to be sweetly domestic af while still holding the edge that makes brio brio which is a neat trick

@septiembur may be a witch

beth’s approach to getting rio to do yoga with her is hilarious and exactly right, canon-typical amounts of subtlety

1000000/10

Post Break-Up Sex - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs

stg this was called Hit Shuffle

no matter

h O T

with a side of damn i’ve made some questionable choices in my life haven’t i introspection

(no regrats tho)

(esp not with this fic)

not the point of the fic by a long shot but i’m also extremely obsessed with Weed Eddie, so real

She drains my soul... she drains it not - niham87 / @niham87

ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT

am a complete sucker for paranormal world building that satirizes bureaucracy

Is that a trope? If so that’s my favorite

I did it. I’m picking a single favorite. You know what that is growth dot gif

ANYWAY i love the concept, i love the humor, i love beth instantly clicking with annie

I love her and mick’s sort of grudging professional courtesy

Love beth as a champion of environmental responsibility and all of the underworld being like …...okay??

cannot wait to see where this goes

Nine-Tenths - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

sometimes i think about rio putting beth’s hair in a ponytail and have to go lie down

science please explain why this rUinS mE

wait hold on i skipped ahead

HEY KIDS DO YOU LIKE UNBEARABLY CUTE DOMESTIC TENDERNESS

opens with rio sleepily holding beth’s hand to his heart so that’s the kind of thing you’ll be dealing with

uGH theY’RE sO CUTe

idk why precisely but rio adding hair ties to his bracelet collection is my undoing every time

Missed Call - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Rio doesn’t come home from a job when he’s supposed to. Beth (and I!!!!!!!) slowly loses her mind

Truly a masterpiece of rising tension

Will literally never forgive her for calling this light angst

I was SO STRESSED OUT

The first person to point out there was an author’s note at the beginning I obvs didn’t read is getting blocked

crush - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Listen even though this is centered around two OCs, they are OCs FROM a (n iconic) brio fic AND Beth, Ruby and Rio all make cameos (I mean, Rio’s pretty present since he lives in Mar’s mind rent free bc they are THE SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE BEST OF FRIENDS so idk if i’d call it a cameo but whatever)

and even if it didn’t feature any official GG characters I’d still rec is bc that’s mY SON AND this fic is TOO CUTE

I have so many feelings over mar and rio growing up and not knowing how to cope with girls becoming a Thing in their life and how it affects their friendship and mar feeling left behind but (SPOILERS) at the end of the story rio starts feeling that too and it’s so poignant knowing how that’s going to continue in delinquents

while mar may be my son, i also claim elena’s #1 stan status

before you’re like meg you’re only reccing it bc it’s a bday present ask yourselves do i really strike you as the kind of person that wouldn’t be equally obnoxious about this either way?

truly cannot fathom how hard i have fallen for these OCs i don’t normally do that

@foxmagpie is definitely a witch

The Ottoman - Niham87 / @niham87

look i will be the first to admit that i don’t go near as bonkers over the ottoman line in 308 as y’all do

(don’t get me wrong, i love it!!! I love that he laughs and i love that she’s pleased it just doesn’t hit my lose my whole mind button like idk, the dubby or the 306 convo, idk why)

BUT i v v v much love the context this delightful Rio POV pwp gives it

am also absolutely feral for 209 missing scene fic

and anything that captures the complexity of Rio’s s3 feelings for Beth and how twisted they’ve become

so this scratches a bunch of itches, is what i’m trying to say

Bet On It - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

That’s what my brain does when I think about Beth and Rio meeting in ch 1

am DESPERATELY OBSESSED WITH the tension between the two of them in this fic

I love how it plays with the ways they have to rely on but don’t trust each other

plus FAKE DATING and BED SHARING (fair warning hasn’t happened yet but the set up is there)

originally supposed to be 2 chapters, already up to 4, prayer circle it goes on forever

do you like drugs (tonight) - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe

v important focus on hydration, other fic should take note

extremely about the use of cut to and then flashback to enhance the ‘we were on drugs’ vibe

speaking of, beth and rio absolutely would take ecstasy to prove they are fun bc they are the exact kind of idiots that would peer pressure themselves

so glad beth kept her purse, got a bit stressed there for a second, clutches in that kind of circumstance are A Risk

not that i would know

FLAWLESS USE OF VOICEMAIL TBH

really love the ongoing denial that they are remotely into each other while proceeding to demonstrate how they are in fact, extremely into each other, great vibe

rio dances

I know my brain broke too

mmmm bacon

Navigate A Broken Path - flashindie / @pynkhues

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

I have a long standing tradition of getting unreasonably obsessed with side characters so i’m not like, entirely surprised by how obsessed i am with both Mick and Mary Pat but i never in a million years considered them as a ship

AND Y E T

they fit????? so perfectly?????? It’s amazing how she developes them individually enough that i look at them together and think ah yes this makes perfect sense for both characters

and they’re such an amazing foil to Beth and Rio?

can ships have foils? do i know what a foil is?

unimportant

GUYS you dON’T uNDERStAN d

hell i don’t understand

how absolutely very dare you make me care about YET ANOTHER set of gg ‘verse children

do not read this fic if you have no interest in feelings you zero percent asked for

wHA t hAPPeNED iN aLASkA?????????

A Moment’s Silence - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs

*makes sign of the cross*

y’all are gonna make me rediscover religion

extremely appreciate the author’s note approach to backstory top notch prioritization

listen it’s basically 3k of beth deep throating rio idk what more you need me to say about it

it is…..good stuff

bless the kinkmeme or fest whatever we’re calling it

praise - civillove / @blainesebastian

I mean you had me at “three times rio calls beth a good girl and one time he really means it”

ephemeral rio

I left that note for myself in here in the middle of the night and haven’t the foggiest what i was thinking but i stand by it none the less

okay okay i think i know what i meant, this fic (as do all of my fav civillove brio fics) has this sort of like, liminal, in the quiet moments feel to them that makes the moments and feelings somehow feel like i’m catching a glimpse of something secret and precious???

idk i just really like it okay

Heart and Soul - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo

oh look more unbearably sweet domestic tenderness, this time to music

thank you ma’am for my life

rio remembers beth used to play piano and gets her one and revoltingly cute shenanigans result

also hilarity

and sexiness

this fic has it all, truly

shout out to mick who sees no reason to keep rio’s feelings to himself

good girls tumblr fic - prettylittlementirosa / @hypermania

cheating and reccing a whole series

It’s my list and i can do what i wanna

stop crying about it, it’s four fics and they’re all AMAZING absolutely impossible to pick a fav

truly flawless characterization, next level ability to capture evocative mood, cannot get enough

three’s a crowd: who knew ballroom dancing while dean watches and grinds his teeth could be so sexy

(trick question everything about that premise sounds A++++ and boy howdy does it live up)

feel it on the way home: rio tries to break up with beth, it goes about as well as you’d expect

(thE angSty tenSioN)

i want to play the game: [from the floor] i’m still not ready to talk about it

(rio/turner, missing scene, 10000000% a taste of what went down in that hotel room)

june after dark: pitch perfect annie pov, really really love the take that Annie is the baby whisperer, can’t fully explain why but it feels incredibly right

(ANNIE X NANCY COULD WORK SO WELL YOU GUYS)

#fingers crossed these links are right i did not double check #i like to live on the edge #truly mind boggling amount of fluff on this list i surprised myself on that one #no i will not at any point get my shit together enough to write out thoughtful commentary this is a shit posting blog first last and always #fic recs #gg fic #nbc good girls #i'll come up with a tag for these if i ever do them again #check back 37 years from now #or ~~~~~~march #whatever that means

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zevons · 4 years ago

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what are your thoughts on the old guard movie!

Hello lovely anon! You've caught me on a lazy Sunday where I've done nothing but vacuum, do laundry, and drink a lot of Aperol mixed with various other liquids. Most of them gin. So I have an enthusiastic answer for you. I wish I was better at Analysis and could give you a more meaningful answer but instead you're going to get my feelings and excitement. But whatever.

The short answer is: I really enjoyed it! I like action films and I like supernatural elements and I like Charlize Theron. So it was very good to me.

The longer answer is: all that PLUS the fact that it felt wildly refreshing to have a ‘cynical old warrior finds new faith in the dark and cruel world by training a bright young talent’ story that revolved around two women, and also I’m always into Greg Rucka heroines so really I never had a chance against this story. I’d not read the comics beforehand (I’ve fallen off the comics bandwagon for the past couple years but this was a nice reminder that hey! I should get back up to date because there’s some really good stuff out there) so when I saw a couple gifsets floating around tumblr I didn’t realise it even was Greg Rucka- then I saw the opening credits and immediately had to pause and look up the details. I’m currently living quite a distance away from my very well-stocked public library and am also what they call,,eeuuuh,,, poor, so in order to read the comics I [redacted] but I will say that I did put my eyeballs on them and found them extremely good. A lot of the changes between the comic and the film I thought were well-chosen- particularly the choice to make Merrick a Pharma Bro in the ilk of Martin Shkreli rather than the tattooed vaguely-muscled dude he is in the original- it read as being a lot more relevant. The movie hit the beat of a pseudo 'for the greater good.....but actually money' villain that I KNEW (netflix notwithstanding...do //they// know??) that I enjoyed in a big way.

Also in terms of the comic- the comedic gold of Andy saying that the invention of sports bras is evidence for humanity being worth saving. Full agree.

So the source material is highly enjoyable. In general I'm a fan of the sort of ~dark age of comics~ stuff that is in fact quietly optimistic about the worth of humanity (call it a sign of the times, but I'm currently quite burned out on nihilism. Is it because I'm genuinely feeling quite nihilistic about everything, particularly at the moment? Maybe so!)

I'm also a massive sucker for historical AUs so giving me a canon where historical AUs aren't AUs at all but are in fact FACT is absolute catnip. I'm currently being murdered to death by the twin powers of work and the Terror Big Bang but once I've flung myself over those hurdles I'm going to jump head-first into the worst kind of self-indulgent history fic. Can't wait!

The story itself I also found really tight. Was it the most original thing I've ever seen in my life? No. But what is, anyways? I've seen some criticism that it was fairly predictable, which I can understand, but which I don't see as an entirely negative thing. Sometimes you're in the mood for a tropey tale. And this scratched that itch perfectly.

Honestly the only plot point I take umbrage with is Andy becoming mortal-for-good (apparently), but really just mostly because 'depowered' is a long-time least-favourite trope of mine. I thought the way it was handled in the film was quite good, actually- the whole scene with the pharmacist! Andy trying to figure what the heck she needs to patch herself up because she's never had to do it before! What is a band-aid! Very good. But the trope will just irk me incessantly so I can't get over it as quickly as all that. But otherwise every beat hit me riiight in the id. Found family, immortality, let's not-get-exploited-by-big-business, been-through-the-wringer kind of stuff: gaahhh. I also looooooooooved everyone's interactions with each other. Catch me crying in the club about the way Andy was so concerned about Booker coming back after he got half-blown up during the raid on the church. CATCH ME FLINGING MYSELF OUT OF THE WINDOW OF MY REMOTE WIZARD'S TOWER ABOUT THE WAY JOE NEEDED NICKY TO BE OKAY IN THE VAN SEQUENCE. There's a limited number of people in the world who could possibly understand what is it to go through this! So they gotta stick together! Even after Booker’s betrayal, he’s still a part of that group and they work with him! It makes his judgement so harsh, as well. Particularly since he's already the most susceptible of the bunch. Joe and Nicky have each other, and Andy's been through actual hell and forced herself to deal with it, but Booker's already borderline unable to handle the pain of his own condition. And so his punishment of isolation is basically the worst thing they could have given him. Oof. (I dig it.)

Also I've for sure rambled about this to friends before- movies NEED to realise that the sure-fire way to make me ship a heterosexual relationship is to Drop Hints but not actually show anything concrete, hence I think Andy/Booker is a gr9 ship. Andy in general is my little black dress for this canon. Andy/Booker, Andy/Nile, Andy/QuYNH??????? THANKS I'LL TAKE THE LOT. The airplane fight sequence would have been a sexual awakening if I hadn't already been so awakened by Keira Knightley pretending to drop the pirate medallion overboard circa 2003. (I'm required by boat-funkin lesbian contract to mention Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl in everything I do. Sorry.)

This is all disconnected garble with no deeper meaning whatsoever, but that's sort of my thing these days, so I'm at peace with it. Anyways. In conclusion, I'm rewatching the movie with some friends in about 15 minutes, so yeah, I liked it. <3333333333

#the old guard #also sprach sabina #in the morning i'll be irritated that this is the only reply i could give but heyyyyyyyyyyyyooo #Anonymous

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snarkwriteswrasslin · 5 years ago

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what ifs; adam page [one]

Notes:

This is my rewrite / alternate version of my fic Wild Side. Yeah, I’m gonna post and continue both on this blog. If I can just get myself unstuck / out of the hole I wrote myself into with Wild Side, that’d be fuckin gr9.. But for now, it’s time to put everything I have so far for What If’s on this blog, I think. Ya’ll.. I swear I plan to update this soon. I have plans. I just.. have to make my brain form the words/sentences.

Summary:

Adam and Ivy went from childhood best friends, to a couple and then they were torn apart by life and it’s pesky obstacles. Those pesky obstacles have thrown them back together now, when it seems they need each other -and most importantly, their closure, the most. Will they rekindle their flame or will everything fizzle out and die before it’s given a proper chance to grow? And just how are they going to handle all the things currently going on in each other’s lives?

Warnings:

alcohol tw, mentions of stripping / exotic dance culture, angst... heavy angst to start with. slow burn. awkward situations and occasional flashbacks / memories. fluff eventually. not as of yet, but I promise you, we will get there.

Pairing:

Adam Hangman Page x OFC, Ivy Barlow.

Header made by me. Images from Google. Don’t steal it if you didn’t make it/write it.

“Ivy Barlow?” the words of the cardiologist echoed through a mostly silent waiting room as the cardiologist looked around, trying to locate the daughter of his patient.

Ivy’s head snapped up and she rubbed her eyes. The older man walked over and sat down and Ivy swallowed hard. Before he could even get anything out, Ivy felt her eyes starting to sting with unshed tears.

From beside her, her sister Constance was starting to sniffle, shushing her two children so that she and Ivy could hear what the doctor was about to say, both of them holding hands and sharing a scared look. Ivy was the one who asked first.

“Dad… He’s.. He’s okay, right?”

“Your father’s had a heart attack.”

“No.” Constance was about to lose it and start sobbing. Ivy looped her arm around her sister’s shoulder and pulled her against her side and wiped at her eyes, addressing the doctor again. “Is he okay? What’s… Is there anything you can do?”

“We’re preparing to do a stent as we speak, Ms. Barlow. The procedure might take a few hours, but after the fact, we’ll let you both know how it went.”

“A stent… That’s… That’s good, right? It has a fairly good chance of working?” Ivy questioned, starting to feel a little numb from the shock of it all. Not even 24 hours ago, her father had been fine, they’d been face - timing and she’d been laughing at him as he bitched about one of the cows from the Henderson farm up the road getting in with his herd and the chaos that ensued. She’d been offhandedly making plans to return to West Virginia to visit as soon as she got a break from work and wedding planning.

Just the thought of Ty and their argument before she broke it off and left had her annoyed all over again. And twice as sure that she’d made the right choice, the best choice.

Her family came first. If Ty didn’t understand that by now, Ty wasn’t ever going to understand it. His reaction to her postponing the wedding to return to West Virginia to care for her father and help him on the farm clearly showed her just how wrong she’d been about the man she’d been about to settle for.

Because she made no mistake about it. She’d had about 9 hours to stew on the whole thing and Ty was simply someone she settled for.

The cardiologist explained the procedure to her and her sister Constance and after he walked away, Constance took a shaky breath, glancing at Ivy. “Dad’s gonna be fine. It’s the farm I’m worried about, sis.”

“The farm?”

“Yeah, you know last year was rough… With those 3 cows getting trich right before time for market and then the tractor going tits up. Dad… He had to take out a few loans. Then he started getting sick.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Ivy asked as she met her sister’s gaze, taking a deep breath and digesting what her sister was telling her.

“Because.” Constance air quoted, “You were out there in Florida doin’ things with your life like you always planned. He didn’t want to disrupt that. Guess he felt like losin’ Mom was bad enough and he didn’t wanna make you feel like you had to come back here. We all know you were hell bent on leavin’ anyway, even before Mom uprooted me n’ you n’ Carly back then.”

Ivy’s mouth opened and closed and she gaped at her sister. Finally, she managed to get out the truth. “I never wanted to leave, actually. I just adjusted to what Mom put us through because she made it seem like that was the only option we had to ‘really live life’. It was not something I would’ve chosen, otherwise.”

“I… I didn’t know.” Constance muttered after a few seconds as she squeezed her younger sister’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

Ivy shrugged and brown eyes darted around the waiting room. “Where the hell is Carly? Typical, it’s home, it’s Daddy, so she’s not comin’ unless there’s a will to be read.”

“Ivy…” Constance took a deep breath but Ivy shook her head firmly. “We all need to be here. He needs us right now. She’s always been selfish like…”

“Like Mom?” Constance questioned, sighing and shaking her head. There may be years between their mother leaving and making them tag along for the ride and now, but she’d never really been able to bring herself to forgive her mother for it. And now, knowing that Ivy hadn’t wanted to leave either and that was the cause of strain between their mother and Ivy, it only made Constance that much more convinced that she was right to keep low contact with their mother. Let her live her dream life in that Miami mansion with the stupid pool boy man on the side and an even dumber plastic surgeon husband. Constance loved the life she had here.

“Exactly.” Ivy sank back into the hard plastic chair, sighing in exhaustion. The past few hours had been scary and frustrating and lonely for her. Her eyes settled on the television screen across the waiting room and when she saw him walking down the ramp and to the ring, she nearly spat out the lukewarm coffee she’d been nursing for an hour and a half now.

“Is that… No. That can’t be… Adam?” Ivy gaped and bit her lip, raising a hand to drag slowly through light brown hair. Constance gave a soft laugh and nodded. “It is, Ivy. He goes by Hangman now.”

“Momma! Hangman!” Ivy’s nephew Jake burst through, tugging at her sister’s sleeve and pointing at the tv.

“Hangman, huh?” Ivy was still gazing at the television set in awe, biting her lip as she took a deep breath or two.

All she could think about was the last conversation she had with him. The night before she wound up being dragged off to Florida to live with her mom.

OoO

“Aw, c��mon. It’ll be fun. Just you n’ me out there together. This is gonna be my ticket outta here, darlin.” Adam’s blue eyes locked on her own and she sighed, biting the inside of her cheek. She didn’t get it honestly, why did he just have to leave? Why did everybody want to take her out of the only home she’d ever really known and wanted to know? She already had her life mapped out… And up to five minutes ago when Adam sprang the news of trying out for some small time wrestling company, she’d thought that he was going to be a part of those plans.

“Adam, I… Nevermind.”

Adam eyed Ivy and took a deep breath. “What’s wrong, hon?” he leaned in, his thumb wiping away a tear that started to roll down her cheek.

“It’s just… I thought you were gonna take over your daddy’s farm… And I was gonna go to WVU with you in the fall and we were…” Ivy paused, taking the chocolate shake from his hands and taking a big sip just to mask her unease at saying too much, giving him too much power to hurt her. Because she knew that if she said it, it was out there and it couldn’t ever be taken back.

“ Darlin’… We can still do that, hell… I mean… I might not even get signed with this company. You know yourself I ain’t the best right now. But if I don’t try, I won’t ever know. ‘Sides..” Adam took a deep breath, fumbling around in his pocket for the locket he’d gotten her. It wasn’t much, but it was a placeholder until he could one day do better. “I’ve always thought it was gonna be you n’ me against the world, remember? It’s just a week. Then we’ll figure things out a lil better..” Adam coaxed.

Ivy gazed at him, taking a few deep breaths. Finally, a smile played at her lips and she gave a slow nod, turning so that he could slip the locket on her neck. “Okay, alright. Why you gotta play dirty, huh? You know I always cave right in when you give me that look, Adam.”

Adam’s nose nuzzled against the side of her neck and he chuckled, pulling her against him, resting his head against her shoulder as he muttered in a shaky whisper, “Love you, Ivy.”

“Love you too, Adam.”

OoO

Constance cleared her throat again and snapped her fingers in front of her sister’s face. “Are you okay, Ivy?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. It was just… weird. Seeing him again after all this time, even if it was just on television.”

“He comes home all the time.” Constance grinned to herself as she said it and watched her sister’s interest perk. Ivy tried to downplay it, but Constance could tell she’d gotten her attention.

“Oh yeah? Nice to know. Maybe he didn’t go off and let the fame go right to his head.” Ivy shrugged and took the pink crayon from Jenny, her niece and went to color in Ariel’s long flowing hair in the picture. But she couldn’t get it all out of her head, either. It was like seeing Adam Page on television a few minutes ago had opened Pandora’s Box for her and now, all those old what if’s were flaring up all over again.

What if she hadn’t just quietly gone with her mother that night? What if she’d fought and made it known that she didn’t intend on leaving the farm? What if she’d actually gotten to say goodbye? What if she’d tried to say goodbye and instead, she and Adam ran off that night together?

Maybe everything would be totally different right now. Maybe it wouldn’t. But at least I’d have a little closure, Ivy sighed as she thought about it and she shook her head, standing to make her way over to the little coffee pot by the nurses station.

–

The further away Adam Page got from the arena, the more solidified the thought became in his mind. He needed to get his head on straight. He needed to regroup and the only place he seemed to be able to do so was at his parents farm. The thought prompted him to pick up his cell phone and scroll through his contacts list, finding his father’s number and hitting call. While he waited on at least one of his parents to answer, he found himself stewing over the argument he’d had with Matt and Nick and Kenny before leaving.

They just weren’t listening, they didn’t care lately and that was beyond frustrating. They called themselves his friends and yet, they didn’t see that everything going on lately was starting to wear him more than a little thin. The more he pushed, the more they shoved. All he wanted to do was pull away for a while… Get some needed distance and be his own man again.

Why was that so damned hard for the three of them to understand?

His father picked up and he raised a brow when he heard the older man swearing and yelling to one of his hands on the farm. “It goes over there, damn it! You know Dalton has a place for everythin’, shit. Act like you got sense, kid.”

“Dad?”

“Hang on a sec, son.” Adam’s father took a sip of coffee and waved over his mother to take the phone. Adam’s mother took the phone from him and eyed her husband.

“It’s our son, woman!”

“Adam? What on Earth are you doin, sweetie? I just got through watchin the replay of last night?”

“I’m… I’m gonna come home a little bit, mom. Just need to think. What’s Dad doin’ on the Bar Low?”

“Ivy’s daddy had a heart attack earlier… So your daddy thought he’d come over and pitch in while Dalton was recoverin because their crop isn’t gonna harvest itself… Are you alright, son?”

Adam sighed and shook his head, found himself thinking bitterly that even knowing her dad was layin in a hospital probably wouldn’t be enough to drag Ivy home..

… because I sure as shit wasn’t enough to keep her around years ago… the thought came, even though by now, Adam knew the truth for the most part. He knew Ivy hadn’t really been given a choice in the matter, but he also felt the bitterness because she didn’t even give him a proper goodbye. She didn’t even try to fight it.

… you know she wasn’t a fighter back then, she just went along with whatever somebody asked of her, tried not to make waves… makin waves was always Connie and Carly’s thing… Adam’s mind veered off and he cleared his throat. “I’m on my way in. What all needs t’ get done?”

“Clever. My sweet clever boy.. You’re not dodgin the discussion we’re gon have. But we’ll figure all that when you get here. How far out are ya?” Adam’s mom smiled to herself as she turned to his father and nudged him. “He’s comin home for a little while!”

“What? It ain’t his downtime. He better not be quittin. Raised more n’ enough hell to go off and do that foolishness, he better not give it up. Ain’t everyday a man gets to accomplish his dream.” Adam’s father muttered, eyeing his wife who shrugged. Adam’s mom repeated her question and bit her lip, excitedly waiting on an answer.

“About 6 hours, give or take.” Adam answered after consulting his GPS. Kenny was flooding the other line with calls but Adam only rolled his eyes and let the calls keep going to voicemail. “Does Ivy? Does she know?” Adam finally bought himself to ask the question, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of his tone at the mention of her name. Adam’s mother sighed and answered calmly, “She’s movin back in, from the looks of it. Came in the mornin after it happened, your daddy was down there half the afternoon helpin her get her things in and do some repairs around the farm…”

She knew about the way things ended. And she knew it hurt her son. But she also knew there were more than two sides to a story and she felt like maybe it was high time they sat down and talked it out. Or yelled it out.

Because Adam hadn’t really been the same since.

And from what Constance let slip on occasion, neither had Ivy.

Closure was needed between the two.

Adam processed what his mother told him and grumbled quietly, taking a deep breath. Suddenly, he wasn’t so sure about his idea to go back to the farm for a few weeks and try to get his head on straight. How the hell was he supposed to do that with his biggest lingering what if right across the field? Knowing they lived in a small town and at some point, he’d inevitably have to run into her.

He was already dreading it.

“Adam?”

“I’m still here, Momma. Just thinkin.”

“Son, it’s been almost ten years. You’re every bit as stubborn as your daddy.” his mother sighed and Adam gave a dry laugh. “I ain’t the one who just up n’ left. Surprised she dragged herself back here. Heard she was doin’ real good down in Florida. Even landed herself a doctor n’ everything.”

“Accordin to what I overheard earlier, she broke it off with the guy. Apparently, he didn’t want her comin back here to do what she needed to do. And he refused t’ come with. She left him n’ came home.”

“Color me shocked.” Adam muttered dryly, letting it sink in. Talking himself right out of even remotely getting his hopes up on any form of closure.

He had more than enough to deal with right now.

Besides, Adam found himself thinking, bet she ain’t given me a second thought. It’s water under the bridge now and that’s where it needs t’ stay. In the past.

The GPS announced his turn and after a few more minutes of conversation, he hung up with his parents and went back to driving and thinking.

And he tried to keep himself from thinking about her being back, but he failed at it miserably and it annoyed the living hell out of him.

#adam hangman page fanfiction #adam hangman page fanfic #adam hangman page fic #adam hangman page imagine #adam hangman page imagines #part 1 of ?#// alcohol tw #// mentions of stripping #// fluff #// hurt comfort #// angst oh god so much angst.

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velvet-tread · 6 years ago

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Unfiltered sweary mess: 507 edition

I had thoughts so I decided to this again. Let’s hope it doesn’t become a habit.

Let’s start with the Bellarke of it all, and the sheer joy of seeing them hustle up a plan together on the fly. AND LISTEN I am not on the #bellamysucksnow train, or the #bellarkeisdead train either and as such fair warning there is squee incoming. It feels like the core of the show has returned to us after s4’s barren years and IT IS GREAT. And honestly? I don’t care that romance isn’t in the air between them RIGHT NOW. I thought I would mind but I don’t. It feels right. It feels true to Bellamy, and it feels true to Clarke, and it feels exactly like the vibe I’d expect and want between two characters who love and respect each other and their choices, who have been apart for so long and need to reconnect. Let’s do right by Clarke and Bellamy, yeah? We’ve waited for 4 seasons (the last of which gave us sweet fa) we can wait a little longer.

And seriously, even if it turns out they are just beautiful co-leaders with a lot of professional respect for each other (yeah RIGHT) they could never, ever kill that relationship for me as long as they are in scenes together like this. I don’t care if they don’t bang (call me out on my lies someone), but the concurrent Bellarke scenes in the dining hall, and the triffid room, and then on Echo-watch just gave me so many OTP vibes. Bellarke are at their most effective when they’re together, even better when they have the support of their genius friends. And we got a return of the Bellarke dry-as comedy double act WTF @the100writersroom are you trying to be good at your jobs or something.

Top bantz, as we’d say in Essex.

Too bad the Bellarke unity ain’t gonna last, but thankfully, Bellarke are just as awesome when they are just…very angry and exasperated with each other ok, but DON’T HURT YOUR PRECIOUS SELF I MAY BE FURIOUS BUT WHEN DID YOU LAST SLEEP AND DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO EAT

Great to have Monty back in the frame cutting through everyone’s bullshit. I thought he’d been relegated to a bit part this season. Oh ye of little faith. Does anyone realise that Monty is the biological weapon earth forgot? Put that angry face in a room with Octavia and see how long it takes for her to crack and wither from Monty’s externalised disappointment with everyone and everything.

Bellamy burning Octavia ow ow ow. I’ve already spoken about this at some length but damn that hurt. And it was deserved, but still spoke to the depth of his contempt for Blodreina.

Which brings me to…BELLARKE V BLODREINA: GRUDGE MATCH

And man, was this grudge match some time coming. To make sure the audience was VERY CLEAR on EVERYONE’S MORAL STANDING, the show helpfully prepped us with some little reminders that Bellamy helped commit a massacre, and Clarke did a load of horrible human testing in Becca’s lab last season. Thanks show.

So, all armed and loaded, the mud slinging began, and boy was it awesome. First of all Bellarke takes Octavia to task about the worms and TURNS OUT OCTAVIA DIDN’T KNOW which get a grip on power here Octavia because it’s slipping from your grasp faster than you can say Wonkru Barbecue (shoutout to @mego42 – your time is coming). But Miller obviously watched the earlier part of the show and recapped for Octavia just in time because she’s ready for that shit and fires everyone’s dark past back at them. Cue: Bellamy’s best frowny face and Eliza Taylor’s saddest, most regretful Clarke eyes.

Bellarke disarmed and cowed (for now) live to fight another war they don’t want to fight.

But Octavia’s grudge match continues in her office when Indra enters with the intention of being reasonable, which is exactly the kind of shit Blodreina has warned her about before so help her god.

Indra is, obviously, the Queen of Everything and My Heart and delivers some bitchass Truths as Indra is wont to do and Octavia rewards her by throwing what my mind remembers as a skull but was probably a paperweight because why would Octavia have a skull in her office *nervous laughter*

Indra leaves, still Queen of Everything and My Heart, but not before delivering a portentous warning about losing yourself in the dark, which obviously Octavia is not going to listen to because DAUGHTERS, MAN.

Talking of daughters, Madi trying to suck at training was the most adorbs thing I’ve seen in a long time, guys and I am subscribed to a LOT of cat blogs. And man I felt for her. Sucking at anything sucks, and sucking on PURPOSE is just the height of unfair. And she’s in a new school! And the other kids are mean! And maybe they eat people!

Serious question though: from whence did Madi learn her swordswomanship? Clarke? Helios? Roan? (too soon?).

But don’t blame Clarke, Madi! Clarke’s Madi feels are pretty much on a par with mine which means she wants to cry every time she looks at her earnest little face AND CLARKE I FEEL THAT SO HARD YOUR BABY IS ADORABADASS. Which also means MAMA MODE ACTIVATED when Vodka Aunt Octavia starts messing up that precious braid she put in Madi’s hair earlier.

Hey Vodka Aunt, you don’t just get to come in here and make executive choices about Madi’s career, especially given your past efforts at parenting *looks at Ethan*

Oh, oh, oh and WE GOT A RETURN OF THE MUSICAL INTERLUDE! It was like Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Early Seasons feels all over again. But I gotta say Jason, fresh from the Sense8 finale my musical interlude expectations are higher these days and I was a bit disappointed there wasn’t a dance off. Perhaps an orgy or an endgame B/C/E triad instead? *Wanheda jaw clench*

But anyway that whole sequence of Clarke sending Madi off to her first day of training sent me in to a spiral of sadness that lasted for a lot of minutes I wasn’t counting. It was very sad and I am sad about it. Poor Clarke. Just as well Octavia helped her remember she’s motherfucking Wanheda.

MY GIRL ECHO MY GIRLING UP THE HOUSE.

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate what a babe Echo kom Spacekru nee Azgeda is. First of all: EVIDENCE OF SPACE GIRL SQUAD and I am all here for that. Second of all Echo is officially the first person on the show to get one over of Colonel Charmaine Diyoza SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING SHOT.

And listen up everyone who bashes at their keyboards dribbling with rage about the things other women like on television: I love ladies with swords and if you want an apology for that you’ll have to prise it out of my cold dead body. But can we just take a (second) moment to appreciate that for all of Echo’s badass sword skills, she is Clarke Griffining up this joint like a motherfucker. Echo is as Slytherin as Clarke and as sneaky as Clarke and as smart as Clarke and that manoeuvre she executed with Zeke and Raven was 100% a Clarke Griffin move, don’t @ me.

It’s almost like….they’re similar….on purpose….

Shout out to all the smart, insecure girls who aren’t sure if they belong. Learn to swordfight, use your brain, and get yourself a girl squad and a soft space dad boyfriend.

Sidebar: Clarke’s faith that Echo would take the eye down and her admiration when she does will keep me in Clecho feels for months.

But friends…I am the most fervent of Echo stans and Becho shippers and I am AFEARED. She is very much circling the abyss here and it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I believe Raven will forgive her (FOR WHAT CAN SOMEONE PLS ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT RAVEN IS SO PISSED ABOUT??) and I believe the rest of Spacekru will 100% understand what she did because it was presented to us as an understandable choice. But but but… what’s next? Diyoza ain’t gonna take the turn the other cheek approach to learning that Echo took down her eye in the sky. What if her next move is to make *Echo* her eyes in exchange for safe passage for Spacekru?

*sweats forever*

That seems like a Diyoza move. And like…where would that leave Echo with Bellamy? Her choice would be: tell him and risk the whole mission and/or turn him into a lying liar to his sister too, or not tell him and risk their entire relationship and hurt him very badly. I think I know which one my loyal girl would choose and how that would end.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

*ugly crying*

I’m not ready.

Okay it’s time for a Raven rant. What the hell is going on with Raven this season? Raven has had some beautifully executed arcs in the past, and I am high key here for her to finally get some NC-17 action now she’s done all that Work On Herself, but if Raven’s arc in s5 amounts to RAVEN DIDN’T GET BONED FOR 6 YEARS AND NOW SHE’S GETTING BONED then Imma flip a table.

Sidebar#2 obviously Raven got boned on the Ring, it’s not like they would have had a space orgy without her, come ON.

And just… I’m sorry I don’t get the Zaven. When they released the s5 pics I thought WOWZA these two are gonna be gr9 together and LOOK HE’S A SPACE EXPLORER. How could this possibly go wrong? But somehow, they’ve managed to introduce a character who, on his own, is 10x as compelling as Wick, but has about -100% of the chemistry with Raven. Which is???? Some kind of alchemy??? how has that happened? I love Zeke! I love Raven!!! They’re both MAGNETIC on screen. On paper they should be a perfect fit but it’s like whenever they’re in the same scene together I have the sudden urge to check my emails.

And someone, please, just tell me what work Zaven is doing for either of these characters. What’s Raven’s conflict? How does Zeke resolve it? Is it *literally* Raven being presented with a hot dude with a similar skill set? Sorry I’m out.

And before anyone comes at me with the usual packet of whining about how Echo has stolen all of Raven’s screentime, I’d beg you all to remember that there is no law saying that one woman’s time on tv has to be at the expense of another and this is a GIANT SEXIST TRAP DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Talking of out, Kabby is also circling the drain and [averts eyes from discourse].

But I’m calling Diyoza’s ship name, and if she bangs Kane I hereby pronounce it TEQUILA [whatever Kane’s ship name is, someone hmu].

OK I need to talk about Gaia now before I get shot down by a thunderbolt. The girl creeps me tf out but I SOMEHOW LOVE HER NOW. This is new and unnerving because feverish religious types are not usually my jam ESPECIALLY if they present Clarke’s daughter with a creepy sacred flash drive that they want to insert in her neck, but somehow Tati Gabrielle nails that line, even if my reaction seeing the Flame was exactly the same as my reaction to seeing the worms.

But I believe Gaia’s intentions, while creepy, are pure. And WHO PICKED UP on how fluid her loyalty is? She will serve Blodreina faithfully as long as she reigns. Huh.

In other news McCreary, and more importantly McCreary’s undercut, were absent from this episode I hope they are both enjoying Memori’s couples counselling retreat. I look forward to seeing his glazed expression next week as I cry my Becho tears.

#rach reviews #507 #usm #is the tag #the100 #bellarke #clarke griffin #becho #bellamy blake #octavia blake #echo kom azgeda #raven reyes #morning reblog

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jinnielovebot · 7 years ago

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stray kids first impressions!

tagged by: @hyyunjinn @lovelyyhyunjin (hyunjin stan squad comin in hot 😩)

tagging: @hyunjinh @christopher-bang @seungchanie @felixeslee @felixsfreckles @bangchant @chuuyo @hyunsungg @scene-stealers @straykids1 (im tryna tag new ppl rn pls lmk if u dont want me to LMAO also idk whos done it so far)

the mv drops in like 4 hours im wheezing

the date you found stray kids: oct. 6

how: i saw articles of jyp’s upcoming boy group/survival show and me, a hoe for survival shows had to know what was going on,,,,,,,and then the hellevator mv showed up in my youtube notifications and i was curious abt it so i clicked it and all hell broke loose from there

first overall impression: pls,,,no hate in my inbox i beg im gonna b real honest n genuine when i say this LFMAO: i didnt like hellevator when i was first listening to it, i kinda liked the beginning part of seungmins voice but once it did like a 180 and went to changbins rap i was immediately turned off by it and i honestly thought “ugh so its another bad boy group why do so many groups try so hard to be edgy nowadays” and i wasnt exactly a fan of the vocals or hardcore rap but i kept listening to it hoping it would get better and it did and once i got to the chorus i started warming up to it AND THEN hyunjins rap is when i hit the fkcing FLOOR and then i ended up falling in love with the song soon after lMFAOSO :’’’’))))

tldr; i thought they were trying too hard to b edgy but then realized they r a bunch of cute dumplings that i wanna boop on the daily :///

individual impressions ––

chan: "his hair looks fried” - LISTEN OKAY in the mv his hair looked like a pile of hay NO OFFENSE AHDKAS LMFAO but when i heard that he was a trainee of 7 years i was like holy shit?? my respect for u?? is thru the roof??? to be really honest when i found out he was one of the aussie members and he was the leader of the group i felt kinda iffy because i didnt think he would be fit for that role but i was COMPLETELY wrong after i watched the first few clips of him and honestly i could just feel that he was leader material and w0w i have so much respect for him and also funny story when i first got into them i thought chan and chris were two different poeple i hate myself

woojin: "omfg his neck is thicc af” - LMFASODASDA god i hate myself for that being the first thing i thought of when i saw him AJSDKA OKAY BUT LIKE i forgot which video it was but i just saw him at an angle that made his neck look SUPER THICC and i was like this guy probably has gr9 vocals nd i was RIGHT LMAO i thought he was super cute when he was playing the guitar and singing n oml i love him

minho: “rapper?? singer?? which one is he” - i felt like i was super behind on getting to know him bc i didnt see him too too much in the hellevator mv?? BUT i srsly went heart eyes when i saw him in those cute af circle glasses when he was packing his bundles n not to mention id heard a lot of people rave about his bundles which i thought was SO FKING CUTE and idk when i looked at him he kinda had this like shy smile/look and i thought it was just so precious watching him ;;;

changbin: "why is he so angry in his rapping” - changbin stans pls dont come @ me,,,,,when i first listened to hellevator i started to not really like the song or him after hearing his part because i thought it sounded overly angry and aggressive but after listening to 3racha i honestly started to fall in love with his style more nd more and even know hes probably my fave in 3racha and my luv 4 him grew even more when i saw how cute he was when he smiled and tried to b dark

hyunjin: “IM SORRY BUT WHO ARE U I NEED TO KNOW” - this bih COPPED me of my sanity when i heard his voice in hellevator like it just snapped me awake and made me suddenly 10000% more interested bc i felt like his voice just sounded so idk how to put it but it was like super determined and strong willed sounding kinda like an “watch me prove you wrong” kind of tone WHICH ISNT A BAD THING IDEFK HOW TO EXPLAIN OMG like it just went SUPER well with the flow of the song and i just absolutely fell in love with his voice n then i saw his face and i was like how do u rap like that u have such a cute baby face wtf and then i fking scoured all the possible info on sk to find out who he was and that was when i became a fool™ for him :///

jisung: “wait hes rapping now i thought he was the vocal what” - SIMILAR TO CHANGBIN i wasnt like overly fond of him during the first few parts of hellevator because i thought his vocals were just eh and unnatural sounding until later i realized it was autotunes fault and again like changbin i thought his rap was overly aggressive but it wasnt until 3racha that i started to really really appreciate him and fall in love with his voice not to mention i was SNATCHED by his high note in the hellevator practice perf in front of jyp

felix: “he looks like he has tangerine hair– WHAT THE FK IS THAT VOICE” - o boi even before i started getting into them i’d heard a lot of people rave about how there was an aussie kid w freckles in this group and when i first heard him in hellevator i was definitely impressed with his flow/voice in the song ASKDA and then after that all the moments of him memeing on everything and also his stage charisma just mde me go HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HIM AKSDH he was the first threat to my bias list bc he jus felt like so RELATABLE LMAO and also for the longest time i thought he was the maknae LOOLL

seungmin: “this voice is already a 10″ - goodness where do i start w kim fking seungmin,,,the moment i saw his face i just went heart eyes because he looked like a living marshmallow and his voice?? im dead. seungmins voice has just this warm sounding tone that makes him so easy and pleasing to listen to like IDK WHAT IT IS but i thought the way he sang was just so cute and genuine that i couldnt help but swoon over him ;;;;;; he was and currently still is threatening hyunjins spot on my bias list ASJKDKJAK i actually had a bias crisis around the time that sk went on the busking mission because i would watch hyunjin fancams,,,,,,,,but only pay attention to seungmin,,,,,,,,,,,,,i literally replayed seungmins part in school life like 600 times,,,aHEM anyways

jeongin: “his eyes are so pointy” - the first thing that attracted me to him were his eyes bc they were just super unique looking?? idk im whack lmao but after watching the episode clips i was just WHIPPED for him bc he looked so soft n smol ;;; AND the part that Snatched me the hardest was when he was singing trot in the practice room and i startedTEARING UP because he was so cute and oh my god i love him

we dead binches after the mv drops good luck my dudes 😔✊

#tagged #tag game #holy this took so long #i feel like i just wrote an essay

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angrypedestrian · 7 years ago

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THE TIME IDIOTS EPISODE 312 TITLED “Curse of the Dead Man’s Bad Wigs” MY THOUGHTS (which are even more all over the place than usual):

I didn’t get to watch this episode until today because last night I was seeing fucking Jawbreaker in NYC and it was AMAZING

Altho they didn’t play Do You Still Hate Me? but it’s FINE

ANYWAYS dear lord this was a lot of bad wigs

THIS INCLUDES BEARD WIGS

Rivaling the Beebo ep for the ratio of bad wigs/second

And yet STILL not as bad as Brandon’s hair

I will make this point every week until the situation is resolved

I bet it’s in dominic’s contract that he never has to wear a Bad Wig

I wish it were the same for Neal

So let us first discuss The Gay bc i have a lot more feelings about everything else that was going on in this episode

These. Fucking. Idiots.

Who filmed that kiss jesus christ that was bad blocking

They are cute and really good for each other. This is Sara learning to be a functional adult and try to have a functional adult relationship (in proportion to her wack ass life) and realizing that it can come in lots of different forms!

cause TBfuckinH, she’s never had one so of course she is/has been weird and stuttery and just whatever not as much herself bc she has literally never done this and she is quickly realizing being an actual adult is, uh, hard

BUT Ava wants to be with whatever Sara’s mess is. And you know what IS normal and adult? Wanting to be with someone for the person they are, and wanting them to be with you for the person you are, these kids are gonna do great

Until inevitably the plot dictates otherwise (AND IT WILL HAVE YOU WATCHED THIS SHOW???)

Anyways, they’re both badass dorks and I love that they both have people in their lives to cockblock the everloving shit out of them for all of time and space

Gary is a gift. One day he will get his due

Hmmm...had more feelings on that than I thought.

WHATEVER

The plot

It makes no sense, and I think the show has finally realized it and is leaning into the skid to just give us what we want, which is goofy, genuine character moments because this show is chock full of NERDS

On an actual plot note these totem necklaces are worse than Party City jewelry. I need to see budget spreadsheets for this show.

Mick is gr9

Good friend, good spy lookin at everyone’s phone, good wingman

Good at everything that Mick Rory is

Amaya and his friendship is legitimately fascinating and wonderful

AMAYA

Welcome to my Ted Talk: SHE IS THE BEST CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW AND (probably) DESERVES TO BE ON A BETTER ONE

Amaya is by far the most interesting character with the most nuance and I’m glad we finally got to spend some real time with her this episode

Something something obligation and duty and destiny, all of which have been said by smarter people by now, but her trying to fight this sense of predetermination I think will be really interesting

Also, she got to have life threatening fun!

And she, uh, knows how to sail a ship I guess? Sure why not!

THE SWAGGER

This week’s LoT Cast Member Can Get It Watch: Maisie

We all knew it was in there, but seeing it like that, thumbs up everyone. Well done.

Nate is the most bottom-y bottom to ever bottom no matter what gender he is with and that we are privy to seeing it is a true blessing

PIRATES

So like, first off, one of my favorite things in the whole world is when an actor doing an American accent uses their natural accent because they’re pretending to be someone else. It is funny every. time.

A+ work to Maisie for that

DAMIEN DARHK’S STATIONARY. HE IS SO EXTRA.

Neal you are so dignified, sorry this show ruined that

This team is filled with morons. Even the smart ones are morons. Even the responsible ones are morons. And I love every single one.

DREAD PIRATE JIWE

These dumb, good boys making Amaya a pirate queen

fuckin Bermuda triangle you goddamn idiots

This show has access to one soundstage and a quarter acre in the woods and they do the best they can, bless their hearts

Are u telling me the waverider can’t handle some 18th century cannonballs???

The guy who played Blackbeard was fantastic

Also every single background actor on this show has no idea where they are or what they’re doing and that makes everything 1000x better

Sara you were fighting with a flute. Sara. A flute.

Goddamn, Courtney

she has chemistry with literally everyone (also tell your husband to fix his hair)

Ray you big fucking soft moron.

WALLY AND RIP

Fuck this show, fuck Phil, fuck everyone

I could write a thesis on Rip, I love him so much

Yes I realize that is not a good look for me,

Rip, you are a mess, and absolute mess, and you need help

But did I get overjoyed when he got his coat back? YES.

Seriously though he is a desperate, broken man who is Not Well and I don’t know if there is even a way to get him better

damn is he good at seeing the good and best in people though

One time when I was at home a car drove by fuckin BUMPING Careless Whisper and it was the highlight of my life

I can’t believe this show blew their whole budget on that and Return of the Mack and that it was worth every single goddamn penny

The slouch™️

Rarely would I say Arthur can get it, because that is not what draws me to Rip, but goddamit if that coat and that slouch could not GET IT.

NEXT WEEK: How is the person naming episodes allowed to keep living?

#legends of tomorrow #legends of tomorrow spoilers #amaya jiwe #sara lance #ava sharpe #and assorted pirates #i would die for rip hunter not that he deserves it #the time idiots #my thoughts as I have them

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hunbomb · 8 years ago

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dating yuta!!

yALL READY FOR THIS

also thank you @that-little-asian for helping me w trying to find ideas

and @jaeminnana for trying to help w my master list (even tho it still doesn’t work rip)

3/? for the nct dating series

————

- oK ofc i always gotta start off on how y'all start dating

- aight so you and yuta are on this co ed rep soccer team (also knows as the best)

- and y'all r both the best on the team

- so u guys are always competing for the #1 spot

- its pretty serious lmao

- “iM BETTER”

- “NO U AINT IM BETTER”

- “BUT YOURE SHORT”

- “what the fuck does that have to do wi- you know what? never mind” - you

- YOU GUYS EVEN COMPETE ON WHO CAN SHOW UP AT PRACTICE FIRST

- secretly though, yuta has the biggest crush on you

- same w you

- y'all r good at hiding your feelings tho

- yuta didn’t really interact with you outside of soccer he wanted to tho

- you guys have 0 classes together

- bUT ITS FINE CAUSE SOCCER TAKES UP LIKE EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK BEFORE SCHOOL AND AFTER

- anyway back onto the story

- so yuta goes to his friends (the other guys on the team) and you go to your friends (the girls on the team)

- “gUYS I LIKE YUTA”

- “gUYS I LIKE Y/N”

- “WE KNEW IT” - everyone

- so they devise a plan to get you guys together (without y'all knowing cause ur blinded by love)

- so during the next practice, jaehyun “accidentally” bodychecks yuta who falls onto of you

- his arms are on either side of your head and his legs are in between yours

- BOTH OF YOUR FACES ARE SO RED

- your heart bbbeats

- “,,,,,you can uh-like- get up now” - you

- “SHIT SORRY”

- both of ur faces r so red

- he just awkwardly helps you up and you guys have moment

- like y'all r staring into each others eyes

- what u didn’t know though is that the rest of the team filmed it

- even the coach was in on it cause everyone ships u two

- time skip

- after that moment, y'all stopped bickering

- now its shAMELSS FLIRTING

- “hey bbygirl ;)” - nakamoto yuta

- ITS EVEN WORSE THAN UR FIGHTS

- YALL ARENT EVEN DATING STILL

- but that changed on one very special day

- aka the day he asked you to prom

- aka the best day of your life

- HE MISSED A SOCCER PRACTICE TO DECORATE YOUR LOCKER

- with like hearts n memes

- and when u opened it, it says “go to prom w me loser”

- YOU ALMOST CRIED

- THEN YOU TUrnED AROUND AND YUTA HAD FLOWERS AnD IS CHEEKILY SMILING AT YIU DSHDSKSHBC HOW COULD YOU NOT ACCEPT

- ok so now y'all r technically dating

- and when he goes to your house to pick u up he had to do a double take

-you!!were!!gorg!!

- you almost fell down the stairs lmaoaoao

- cause he was so handsome (not like he isn’t everyday though)

- he gives like the best kisses

- THE BEST KISSES

- not to rough, but not too slow ya feel

- and he is so caring for you

- like he always asks in between periods how you’re feeling and ugh goals

- once a guy from another school tried to hit on u during a tournament

- yUTA LoST IT

- “hey you. this girl is my girl friend so if you bippity back the fuck off that’d be great”

- that was just quick sample

- all the girls love him and can’t get over the fact that he’s taken

- the always hug him and cling onto him and he’s like

- “ewwwww’

- cause the only one doing that should be you

- he accidentally tripped u during practice one day

- “omg baby r u ok?!’

- “do you want me to carry you babe?

- sO NICEE

- yo but he is so cocky and shit sometimes

- like he doesnt even try to tone down his flirting w u

- “those shorts look good, but they’d look even better in the storage room floor ;)))” - yuta

- u aint gonna disagree w that

- cause sexy time with yuta is the best time

- its either super rough n hot or sweet n caring there is no in between

- you’re not complaining though

- y'all r still competitive w soccer though

- “bAbe get out of my way”

- “nah babe i got this”

- “gET OUT OF THE WAY”

- “BUT IM BETTER THAN YOU”

- “SHUT THE FUCK UP” - everyone

- its the hard knock life for u guys

- his lock screen is a photo of you after a soccer game with the first place medal

- you just looked so good

- you had like a loose ponytail, a flushed face, and a smile so big it would rival his “healing smile”

- yours is the same (him with the first place medal, a flushed face, big smile) cause y'all r like that

- this girl once tried to steal him away from you

- HAHAHAH SHE’S DUMB

- he literally told her “stop trying to be hot, you’re not y/n’

- she cried and ran away

- lol 00ps

- YUTA LOVES HOLDING YOUR HAND

- “yours first perfectly with mine”- him

- “bitch no ur hands r sweaty” - you

- you guys are both so petty,,,,,,people wonder how u can stand eachother

- LMAO HE LOVES YOU THOUGH

- when!he!first!said!i!ove!you!

- cutest thing ever

- it was your 500 day anniversary

- and he came to practice w a bunch of flowers and gave u the biggest hug

- he spun u around and was like

- “god i love you so much”

- you almost peed ur pants

- the coach almost peed their pants

- the team almost peed their pants

- the school almost peed their pants

- ANYWAY

- your first date was a mess though lol

- he set up this picnic and EVERYTHING IT WAS SO SWEET

- bUT NOPE

- HE TRIPPED OVER HIS OWN FEET AND DROPPED THE BASKET CONTAINING ALL THE FOOD

- then it rolled down a hill and was never to be seen again

- “jfc yuta”- everyone including himself

- bUT YALL WENT OUT FOR SUSHI AND IT WAS A GR9 EXPERIENCE

- in conclusion

- yuta is a babe and everyone should love him

- he deserves everything and all the love in the world

- osaka prince <3

————–

THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING! I APPRECIATE IT SM :)

by the way i know my master list is rly messed up, I’ve been trying to fix it for like 2 hours but its not working :(

ALSO I MAY MAKE A FANFIC BASED ON THIS PLOT!!! STAY TUNED :)))

- emma

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bandedshadows · 8 years ago

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Voyager review.

This is long overdue (I was caught up with life stuff and had to stop liveblogging), but I actually finished watching Star Trek: Voyager last week.

Judging by the length of this post, HOLY SHIT, do I have a lot of feelings.

TL;DR: I’ll give it a 7/10.

My verdict:

Voyager had a number of truly extraordinary moments sprinkled among clusters of average to very low points.

I still loved Janeway a lot, even though there’s notable issues with her characterization. (Kate Mulgrew’s gr9)

Seven’s introduction gave the show a much-needed kick up the next level, but they ended up overdoing it imo.

Some characters are more developed than others, but I found the crew to be generally likeable.

Continuity? What’s that?

prime directive... prima directa... primal dialga... perma dry roof... pearl digestive... prophylactic dental... partial deposit... parking at disneyland...

I still enjoyed Voyager very much, but oh boy, did this show have many, many flaws. I also took it upon myself to read up on Voyager’s behind-the-scenes issues for context, and jfc, the production is even messier than the text. Put two and two together and it’s obvious why the show took the course it did.

I’ll go into detail behind the cut. It’s very long. Spoilers ahead :).

[CUT]

I’ll start with the negative points:

The ‘Endgame’ episode was... abrupt. It was still emotionally impactful, but it wasn’t the most graceful way to tie things up. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the show was given fair warning that the 7th season was going to be their last? If that’s the case, I expected more pre-finale plot development before this out-of-pocket Deus Ex Machina plot of future!Janeway pointing out a shortcut to the Alpha Quadrant. Or at least all the Borg encounter episodes could’ve added up to building Voyager’s path home. Endgame’s resolution is acceptable, but it really should’ve been spread out for the last half season.

The serial, episodic format of Voyager ultimately led to all the aspects in which it fell short. Particularly in continuity and character development. There were bad episodes, average, above average, and then there were GREAT ones.

But, it’s always Schrodinger’s cat on whether the next episode is going to be watchable or not, as well as which Janeway is going to show up.

At times, Janeway would be stringent when it comes to the prime directive. Other times she unquestionably abandons Starfleet protocol to be a good samaritan. One day she backs out of complicated situations in order to prevent any losses of life. Another day she’s adamant in achieving her goals even if means accruing some casualties on the way. She gave Harry shit for sleeping with a girl from an alien race without getting medically checked, but then makes out with Devore!Spencer Tracy-lite Bashyk next episode.

Over the course of the show, Voyager had many episodes that were forgettable. I found myself having to skip a lot of the holodeck fillers (Fair Haven is the worrrrrrssttt), some of the bottle episodes where the crew get first contact with alien races that would predictably betray them, and at times near the end, my fatigue of Seven and the Doctor can get me to tune out of their more unimpressive episodes.

But then there’s also episodes where they delve deep into character development, but they never acknowledge the character’s growth in any subsequent episodes. The better episodes of Voyager often feel like missed opportunities for more in-depth exploration. B’Elanna undergoing depression was a great plot point that they could have explored more. The episode they did on her about her self-hate for her Klingon half was great but how she came to terms with her Klingon identity felt incomplete. Her character always fascinated me, but I seriously needed more. #JusticeForB’ElannaTorres

The episode “Mortal Coil”, for example, explores Neelix coping with the loss of his belief system after experiencing death. HIs usual positive outlook was compromised because he realized there’s no heaven and he’s questioning the point of living. Neelix is far from my favourite, but I kind of relate to what he went through. Before the next episode started, it looked like he’s headed to a darker path. Perhaps this change will interfere with his approach to being the morale officer, or he’d don a more assertive aura in future eps. Then he’d be a more interesting character. But NOPE, next episode he’s back to his old sunny self. Missed. Opportunity.

I’m going to echo what I said in this post I made awhile back. I do love Seven’s character, I truly do, but the balanced family dynamic of the crew was special. She didn’t have trouble integrating into the cast, but she pretty much hijacked the show from then on. She’s a great, well-developed character but I found myself longing for the others to get as much depth as she did.

I just read up on the Jeri Ryan/Brannon Braga stuff, the beef between Mulgrew and Ryan, the writers willfully shortchanging the actors they don’t like (Beltran, Wang getting less focus episodes), the intense working conditions, and just... the general toxicity of the environment (not to mention Rick Berman’s an ass). I see how the behind the scenes conflicts could’ve influenced the show and now that’s just... really irresponsible.

Now, for the positives!

The writing of her character is flawed, but I thought Captain, *ahem* ADMIRAL Kathryn Janeway was a splendid captain. We wouldn’t know which Janeway showed up each episode, but I love all the versions lmao. Before I binged Voyager, I was already defensive of her from a symbolic standpoint, being the only female captain to lead a show and all. But it turns out that defensiveness was justified. Janeway is both strong, yet fragile. Authoritative, but warm. Adventurous and scientific, but can also get reclusive. She was overly curious, stubborn, and indecisive, but ultimately handled her woes with grace. She proudly demonstrates her iron will, but her empathy for others always prevailed. Her character arc took many paths and turns (intentional or not) but I enjoyed how the character was conducted as the leader of the ship. I felt a different affection she particularly shows to her crew that I don’t think other Trek captains ever did.

If anything, I have to credit Kate Mulgrew for masking the inconsistent writing quite well. Janeway came off as layered and multi-faceted instead of mischaracterized.

As for the rest of the cast: they each have their own quirks and they all helped prompt the dynamic of the team. A number of them fell flat towards the end, like Kim & Chakotay, (but I guess it was for the best because of the racist elements of the Chakotay character and Kim’s infantilization. I really wish the writers got more creative with them though.) But either way, all the chracters contributed to the crew in their own way. Each one of them did have a standout episode. They all took a while to find their footing at the beginning, but they all eventually grow into it.

Now, when Voyager has a great episode, it’s REALLY, REALLY GREAT.

By far my favourite episode in the entire show is the “Year of Hell”. There’s been plenty of episodes where the crew undertook mishaps but always came out unscathed. But in the “Year of Hell”, this conflict took the crew to dark, new places that really challenged their limits. They were plunged in a darker place of total despondence and desperation, where they got in each other’s nerves, they sacrificed things they love, and the situation tested their hope and will for survival. The desperate situation made for compelling interaction between the characters in how their dynamic changed after their morals were compromised. I also enjoy the laid back nature of Voyager, but I do wonder what it would’ve been like if the whole show had been like this?

Other favourites were:

Living Witness-- a poignant examination of the nuances behind historical remembrance. An issue that is still relevant today. At first I was going to be annoyed if the point of the story is to clear Voyager’s good name, but later on, The Doctor says that the obsolete Voyager’s reputation is irrelevant to the creating peace between the two factions. *cough*Japan downplaying wartime aggression to clear their name*cough*

Timeless-- just a well-done episode. Yes, once again, they dabble into alternate timelines, but this episode brings such emotional weight and splendidly tackles the issue of survivor’s guilt. Kim’s finest moment. Also, Geordi my king!

Deadlock-- Another space-time episode, but the duplicates really posed a formidable challenge to the crew. It was also a testament to their nobility and sacrifice.

Scorpion-- the game-changer for the show. Also, Seven’s first appearance!

Equinox-- again, this episode featured the crew encountering a real moral dilemma. One of the few episodes that treated the prime directive with a non-simplistic, nuanced approach.

Resolutions, The Chute - ‘cause I’m shipper trash.

Anyway, this was tiring to write. I’m thinking of taking a break from sci-fi shows for a while, then maybe I’ll rewatch TNG or BSG again. Voyager was the only Trek I haven’t watched chronologically and it was nice to witness ‘new’ Star Trek again. This is really long, but I spent over 120 hours watching this, sooooo...

#voyager #star trek: voyager #kathryn janeway #st:voy #star trek #kate mulgrew

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ririthereader · 8 years ago

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92 Truths

I was tagged by @amalasdraws and since I have three papers to write, I might as well procrastinate lmao

rules: Once tagged you have to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

It got super long sorry

LAST… [1] drink: Mango juice [2] phone call: My mother [3] text message: does skype count as texting I’m in constant communication with two of my friends over skype and snapchat. [4] song you listened to: Can’t Sleep - K. Flay [5] time you cried: who knows bro

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: Nope [7] been cheated on: Nope [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Nope [9] lost someone special: yup [10] been depressed: it was more like a transitional dpression/anxiety when I was graduating hs and moving to my uni. Just temporary thank goodness. [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] Orange [13] Pink [14] Glitter

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: Yeh. That’s what uni does to you man [16] fallen out of love: Nope [17] laughed until you cried: YES I love doing this lol [18] found out someone was talking about you: People are always talking about me ✨✨✨ (in the good way) [19] met someone who changed you: No? Yes? Probably. I don’t change for people, I change my actions/mentality when I see if it negatively affects people or myself. In the last year I’ve gotten more comfortable in my own body as a result of the people I’ve been around so that’s good. [20] found out who your true friends are: I kind of already can tell who’s a true friend and who isn’t so. [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: lmao you think I use facebook. nah man I haven’t used that since my club from hs disolved

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: See above [23] do you have any pets: YEAH. A cat named Oreo, a bird named Lafayette, and two turtles named Speedy and Madame Turtle. [24] do you want to change your name: Never ever [25] what did you do for your last birthday: I woke up early, cleaned a bit, got some work done, had sushi with my dad, went to disneyland (alone) and saw a bajillion flowers, nearly had an existential crisis, came home, ate and talked with my mom for about two hours. It was good. [26] what time did you wake up: 12:11pm. I had my alarm for 9 so I could work but nooooooope. Sleep is great. My sleeping in record is 5-6pm. [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Reading The Yellow Birds by Kevin Powers (for an assignement) and texting @tiny-angry-dragon while talking to my sister. I think I’ve mastered multitasking lol [28] name something you cannot wait for: NEXT FALL IMMA TEACH A POETRY COURSE YEAAAHH BOOOOOOIIII [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: Last night at dinner [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want to live in my own place. [31] what are you listening to right now: Busted - Phineas and Ferb [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: The dean of my department is named Tom lol [33] something that is getting on your nerves: Right now? My group for a project. There’s one girl…asdfghjkl [34] most visited website: my uni website lmao [35] elementary: done [36] high school: done [37] college: doing [38] hair colour: The same color as my eyebrows lol [39] long or short hair: long enough [40] do you have a crush on someone: yeh [41] what do you like about yourself? I’m nice, I’m proportionately sized, I’m pretty, I write relatively well, I’m smart, and my fashion is gr9

[42] piercings: in my ears

[43]blood type: Probably AB something or other. Doesn’t matter, I can’t donate anyway [44] nickname: Riri, Firelord, Toast, stew [45] relationship status: I’m cool with being friends. [46] zodiac sign: Pisces [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fave tv show: cartoon: Generator Rex; live action: probably Psych or Speechless [49] tattoos: nope [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: Tonsillectomy [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: in preschool I met a girl and apparently we were inseprable? and our moms still know each other but Idk who she is lol [55] vacation: uhh. I’ve been going to disneyland since I was like 2 so [56] pair of trainers: lol what are trainers? tennis shoes? gym shoes? right now I have a black and white pair. I love them. they’re so light.

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: Nothing. I had eggs and bell peppers for breakfast [58] drinking: Nothing. i need water though [59] i’m about to: Post this so I can clean my awful desk and get some more work done [60] listening to: A phineas and ferb playlist. Listen, I love phineas and ferb , [61] waiting for: My mom to come home so I can hug her and bug her [62] want: the cut on my mouth to heal. it hurts. I also want anither 4.0 this quarter. [63] get married: No thanks [64] career: Right now I’m split between writing and teaching or being a policy maker for education. I just wanna yell at old whit men that don’t know shit.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: Hugs. kisses are kinda gross tbh [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: either. I don’t care [68] older or younger: I will NOT teacher small children because ew. Kudose to @mikuridaigo and my mom who teach and care for elementary and younger. I could never. [70] nice arms or nice stomach: doesn’t matter. As long I can hug em. [71] sensitive or loud: I’m loud but also sensitive to loud noises so idk lol [72] hook up or relationship: friendship pls [73] troublemaker or hesitant: probs troublemaker lol

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? Nope [75] drank hard liquor? Nope [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? HAHAHAH YES. I lost my glasses and had to default to contacts for a few days, and one time i Lost my conatct in my eye lol [77] turned someone down: The real question is, has anyone ever had a crush on me lmao [78] sex on first date? Nope [79] broken someone’s heart? Oh I hope not [80] had your own heart broken? Not by a romantic partner [81] been arrested? Nope [82] cried when someone died? No [83] fallen for a friend: yeh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? I try to [85] miracles? Religiously yeah, but everyday miracles? nah [86] love at first sight? no [87] santa claus? he’s an old white guy who goes down your chimney. I never understood the concept [88] kiss on the first date? Nope [89] angels? Yeah man

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: Shoutout to the skype group. I know you stalk my blog Lady J lol [91] eye colour: Hazel [92] favourite movie: asdfghjklkjhgfds don’t ask me this. Maybe The King’s Speech? Maybe Locke? Maybe The Princess and the Frog? Maybe Mulan? Maybe Whisper of the Heart? IDK MAN

I don’t know 25 people but let’s tag: @ohohohobro, @generator-sex, @mikuridaigo, @tiny-angry-dragon, @crollalanzaa, @fynneyseas, and uhhh @spizacki. No pressure my dudes. I hope that was interesting to read!! Edit: there are a ton of spelling errors but I'm too lazy to fix em. Sorrh

#ririrambles #me #tag game #gosh that was loooooooooooooooong #sorry bros #but now my mom's here so it's time for a hug #yeah boi #long post

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fromthedeskofelizabeththird · 8 years ago

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Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do RFA + V headcanons on how they would take care of MC if she got really sick? Like horrible flu, sore throat, cough, stuffy nose, stomach flu? I've been really sick for the last 3 weeks and would love some tender lovin from the bois and baehee lol

Oh no, Nonny, I hope you feel better! Hot baths are really good for clearing airways. It’s the steam, I think??

Yoosung

Mother Hen Yoosung is activated!

He makes soup. Lots of soup.

Apparently it’s his grandmother’s great aunt’s recipe from god knows when

All you know is it tastes like gasoline and smells like a pharmacy

He’ll bundle you up in lots of blankets and take your temperature whenever you complain about his fussing.

“Yoosung, you don’t need to do-” “Of COURSE I DO, now let me take your temperature.”

Constantly letting you know that he is, in fact, studying medicine so you are in safe hands.

When you’re REALLY poorly, like groggy or coughing really hard, he’ll sit next to you and stroke your hair and/or back.

He’s completely in control of the situation while you’re awake and always reassuring you that you’re fine

The moment you’re asleep, though, he gets his mom (or Jaehee) on the phone like ‘;n; I’M SCARED WHAT IF SHE’S DYING’

Jumin

The moment you so much as get a fever he’d call his doctor like

Fix her

I low key headcanon that Jumin’s doctor is equal parts done with his shit and terrified of him

So Jumin’s doctor would show up, explain what the problem is, like ‘ah it’s the flu, drink a bunch of fluids and you’ll be fine’

Meanwhile Jumin is hovering. He will not leave MC’s side.

He takes a couple of days off work and tends to MC’s every single whim.

He keeps track of their fluid intake; you know he would.

On Yoosung’s suggestion, he tries making soup and it’s terrible, but it’s such a sweet gesture that MC eats all of it and feels worse.

He insists on reading to you while you’re in bed and pretty much expires when you fall asleep on his shoulder.

Jaehee calls him to remind him that he is not a nursemaid and has other responsibilities at work, so he hires a nursemaid and stays home anyway to make sure they have a gentle bedside manner.

He’d constantly be following the doctor’s orders, but the moment your symptoms get even slightly worse, he’d have you taken to hospital and demand to know why you are still sick.

When the doctor sees him arriving he’s legit like oh fucK not again

Jumin will not sleep from the moment MC gets sick until they get better.

Jaehee

Jaehee would have a face mask and gloves on while in your company and she’d tell you it was nothing personal, but you’d get the feeling it sort of was

Still, she’d explain that she wanted to take care of you, but if Jumin caught your illness somehow...or she did (if you’re on her route)...or both...that would mean even more work for her in the long run, hence face mask!

She would not be home a lot of the time (regardless of her route or any other), but she would leave you plenty of stuff to eat and cute little post it notes around the house like ‘don’t forget to have a glass of water’ and ‘cough syrup x spoonfuls!’.

She’d also call you often, just to see how you were feeling and to check you got her note.

If you neglect her advice at any point, you won’t know how, but she’ll know.

She’ll show up on her lunchbreak with extra oranges for you to eat or a cake or something.

Jaehee is one of those people who measures your temperature by putting the back of one hand against your forehead and the other against her own

While you’re sick, she brings out every DVD she owns, all of which are also labelled with tiny post it reviews and explanations on which ones you HAVE to watch first.

At least one will be labelled ‘if you watch this, call me, I want your thoughts’.

Jaehee gently scolding MC if she catches them on the messenger when they could be sleeping, when really she’s relieved that they’re feeling better.

Zen

Zen has a gr9 immune system and rarely ever gets sick (and when he does, he works right through it).

As a consequence, though, he probably doesn’t know much about how to look after a sick person outside of the stereotypical and largely inaccurate stuff that happens on TV

He’d want to be perfect boyfriend in this situation and consider it a test, so would embrace all of the inaccuracy and tuck MC up in bed

He’d make tea, sing them to sleep and put a damp cloth on their forehead, since he saw it done on TV once.

Zen running MC at hot bath with lots of bubbles and cracking a joke about his inner beast to hide his genuine concern at the fact that they’re sitting there shivering.

Depending on how poorly he thinks they are, he might skip the gym to sit with them and go through his lines.

I feel like Zen would not know how sick most people can actually get, so he’d probably pull a Jumin and freak the fuck out

He has Jaehee on speed dial, you know it and she teaches him how to take MC’s temperature and the kinds of medicine he should get.

Seven

You probably got it off him to begin with.

He’d feel duty bound to look after you, even though he doesn’t have a clue how to do that. He probably falls deep into joker mode as a result.

He has the doctor costume and, if it makes MC feel better, dresses up as God Seven, md.

God Seven md diagnoses everything and everyone with diseases that probably don’t actually exist, much to the chagrin of the RFA.

If MC is into that sort of thing, he’ll put on a nurse’s pinafore instead.

Tucks them into bed and brings them meals on wheels.

Somehow the Honey Buddha Chips make Yoosung’s family soup palatable.

He films some of the dumb shit you say while lucid because of cough syrup.

If your symptoms get really bad and you’re essentially a steaming mess in the covers, he’ll drop joker mode and start acting erratic.

I’m talking end of Jumin’s route erratic.

Saeran

He’d avoid you!

You’d wake up in the middle of the night, convinced you saw someone, but finding the room empty.

You would also, however, find that your covers had been rearranged and your water bottle refilled.

Someone brought you a snack, too.

Gee I wonder who.

He’ll deny it.

I headcanon a lot that his mum was ill and that’s a decent percentage of the reason why he became so devoted to caring for Rika, so if MC gets poorly, he’d be very concerned, regardless of if MC is romancing him or not.

V in a sentence = 12/10 Great Dude with some unhealthy coping mechanisms.

He’d end up on the messenger an absurd amount, to the extent that everyone else questions it.

Especially Yoosung

All he’d want to know is how you’re doing. If you reference a symptom at any given point, he’ll ask you again about it an hour later.

He has flowers and soup sent to you, or if this is after his route

Yeah I said it

I went there

The Blue son shows up at your door himself with flowers and soup and tucks you into bed.

If you’re feeling so poorly that you can’t go on the messenger, I’m pretty sure he’ll show up anyway, just to make sure you’re okay because he is that kind of swell dude.

If you’re still planning the party at this point (again, who knows when this is happening???), he’ll finish up loads of work while you’re sleeping.

#Anonymous #mystic messenger #yoosung kim #jumin han #zen #jaehee kang #707 #saeran choi #v

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malwarewolf404 · 8 years ago

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Listen Up Star Suckers

Let’s talk Star Wars.

After Rogue One’s release being so successful, we as a fandom seemed to have finally fully gotten on board with the whole spin-off thing, and I think that’s great.

But there are some other spin-offs out there that deserve a lot more credit than they get. I’m off course talking about Star Wars the Clone Wars. Yes it’s a cartoon. But no, it does not suck nor is it for babies. Okay some of it is not great but c’mon, it’s Star Wars some of this shit is hit or miss sometimes. Bottom-line the show is absolutely incredibly, and if you haven’t seen it, I think you should see it, and if you have seen it. You know. You already know everything I’m about to say.

Most of the stuff I’m about to say is very eloquently said by The Cosmonaut Variety Hour on YouTube in this video so definitely go check that out for the short and non-subjective version of this rant. But do come back to my rant because I want you to hear my outrageous suggestions about how to watch the star wars franchise as a whole.

So, Star Wars. The original Trilogy, fucking fantastic. everything made between 1983 and 2005? eh.... As someone who’s been basically born into the Star Wars fandom, I have a lot of opinions on the prequels. They’re good for some things, but all in all they don’t really add a lot of depth to the story as a whole. That’s not to say that the OrigTrig is infallible or anything, but the prequels take being a kinda campy movie about Wars in Stars and make it very unnecessarily complex. Anikin being a whiny pissbaby for three whole movies? Bad choice. Padme being a totally lifeless character meant only to birth Luke and Leia? Bad choice. Jar Jar? Stupid Jedi? SAND???? The list goes on. The Prequels make mistakes, in ways that the original trilogy, in all of it’s campy, low-budget glory never really did. And that’s honestly kind of sad.

Now let me tell you about a show that isn’t campy. Let me tell you about a show that does the Wars in Stars better.

Now Star Wars the Clone Wars will never replace the hole in my heart that is the prequels... except oh wait it did. That’s right, I said it. My parents took me to see the prequels trilogy in theaters since I was born. That’s what I mean when I said I was born into this fandom. And like I said, they fucking. Leave a lot to be desired. But after Episode III was released, on October 3rd 2008, I found a new hope (sorry, had to,) for this section of the story. And that hope, was Star Wars the Clone Wars.

Now Clone Wars isn’t infallible either, it definitely has it’s problems, from filler episodes to Jar Jar still existing, and so on and so forth, but when you actually sit down and watch the good arcs, this show will actually surprise you. I’ll get into a detailed list of what you should and shouldn’t watch later, but for right now I wanna talk about what this show did.

So the Clone Wars was not made by George Lucas, and it shows. This show was made by people who are actually good at making Star Wars content passed 1985. This show pulled aspects from existing Clone Wars media and made them better. Made them Star Wars. Characters are so much better than the prequels trilogy presented them. And most of the new characters we get are pretty freaking great as well. If you watched the video I linked up there you know what I’m talking about and. Why am I still talking watch that instead.

Star Wars the Clone Wars took the bold road. This show so many fans shat on for being a cartoon for babies has frequent adult concepts like character death, the price of war, love and loss, espionage, sabotage, political ineffectiveness, corruption, and tons of stuff I can’t even fit into this whole rant. No matter what age you are, you’re gonna enjoy this show.

It fixes so many of the character problems we see in the prequels. Anikin doesn’t kill people because... actually I don’t really know why prequels Anikin was such a murderous whiny creepy weirdo. Anyways, Clone Wars Anikin isn’t some that weird kid at the back of your high school math class that went on to shoot up his college campus, he’s a Jedi. He just. Happens to be a very emotional Jedi that doesn’t have any issues hurting people to reach an end. And Padme, oh Padme. Sure we got to see her fight in I and II, but man. Remember how in the original trilogy when we met Leia she was pretty much playing coy with the Imperials, putting on this facade as the doll of the empire, on a diplomatic mission to her homeworld, only to bust out of her cell on the Death Star, blaster firing wildly as she dove into the garbage chute? While she’s not nearly as sassy, that is the character they capture in Padme. She’s no longer just Anikin’s love interest or Luke and Leia’s mother, she’s a calculating and tactical political leader, and both a powerful combatant and astounding thinker. And Obi Wan.... is still Obi Wan. We all love Obi Wan. Obi Wan is still the best, if not better. The stupid dickheads in the Jedi Council? Now very calculated military leaders spearheading a lost war. Seriously, I wasn’t kidding around when I said this show had some dark themes, the entire time, all Yoda can really think about is how the Jedi Order is being divided and losing sight of their practice of peace and good of heart, all while trying and failing to pick his battles. We get to see sides of several Jedi that never would have surfaced otherwise.

And Ahsoka. Remember how through the original trilogy, we got to see Luke go from a whiny farmhand to a freaking Jedi Knight? Now give him one of the most emotionally fascinating characters out there to boot, and you have Ahsoka Tano. We get to see this girl grow like a weed, both physically, and in her knowledge of the force. I could do a whole rant about her alone, but I’ll spare you that trouble for now. Basically she’s gr9

And honestly, the war stuff that happens in the show isn’t the most interesting thing that happens, but it’s still incredibly well written and worth your time.

And finally, let me get out my rather bold opinion about this show. Personally, I think this show is so good that it deserves to replace the Prequel Trilogy in your Star Wars marathons. I know! Absurd! But here’s why. In a New Hope, Obi Wan tells Luke “Your father fought in the Clone Wars.” to which Luke says “My father fought in the Clone Wars?” You know what else Obi Wan says in that conversation? Or rather, what he doesn’t say? Obi Wan doesn’t say “Oh yeah, your father also turned to the dark side, murdered your mother, then I cut off all his legs, and he became Darth Vader.” Episode III? Does that. You basically ruin the entire impact of that realization in episode V. And I mean, we all know what happens. But still, imagine a world where we had gotten prequels that only covered the Clone Wars, the stuff Obi Wan makes seem important and relevant to the story in IV, and what ends up happening to Anikin is left somewhat ambiguous, only hinted at, and to top it all off we got to see badass interpretations of prequel characters instead of shitty ones. Wouldn’t that be pretty sweet?

I just described a world where Star Wars the Clone Wars were watched as the Prequels instead of the actual Prequel trilogy. I’ve actually done this myself several times, and with Rogue One and VII in the mix too, it’ll all tie together beautifully.

I’ve probably wasted enough of your time if you read any of this (heck even if you breezed through it, damn that’s a lot,) so let me do what I promised and write that listing of the Star Wars Clone Wars episodes you should definitely watch, maybe watch, and don’t watch. I’ll put it in a separate post and link it here when I’m through.

TLDR; THE CLONE WARS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD AND IF YOU LIKED ROGUE ONE OR DIDN’T LIKE THE PREQUELS AND WANT BETTER ONES YOU WILL LOVE THE CLONE WARS SERIOUSLY IT’S ALL ON NETFLIX EVEN THE EPISODES THAT NEVER AIRED YOU HAVE LIKE NO EXCUSE FOR NOT WATCHING THEM WATCH! THEM! NOW!

#Star Wars #Star Wars geekery #Star Wars the Clone Wars #Star Wars spin off #Star Wars fandom #Obi-wan Kenobi #Anikin Skywalker #Ahsoka Tano #Padme Amidala #Long post #rant

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jess-oh · 6 years ago

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Reflection

dear journal,

hey! I’m actually getting pretty good at consistently doing this! Things started to fall into place today and I’m happy! I was right in believing I wouldn’t want to do anything this morning. Honestly, the places I wanted to go would’ve probably been closed anyway. But I really dreaded going to hangout with Claire today. I purposefully fell back asleep and dreamt that I bailed on her after Joyce did. I just really wanted to be alone and recharge by myself but I also hate being a flake so I ended up going. I was late but it was still nice! We chatted on the roof for a bit and I vented about everything I have to do and how I’m already so stressed. And while she wasn’t super interested, it was nice to share with another person. We talked about our summers for a bit before heading back down to her room to eat pizza rolls and watch, “The Good Place” which is actually a gr9 show! I’m so glad we started watching it together! Neither of us had seen it yet but had been wanting to and it’s not bad! I like it so far. I think we got to episode 6? But yeah! Even though I was dreading being social at first, I’m glad I got to spend some time with Claire.

After that, I headed to Elder Jisu’s and no surprise, I was a little early but was the first to arrive. I thought more people would come since no one had school today but surprisingly, only P. Josh, Jason, Johnathan, and myself went. But it was still a really nice time! I had a slightly awkward conversation with Linda at first but once everyone else arrived, we sat and ate together as the “adults” of the table which was pretty weird for a change. But once we started talking about my political and philosophical topics, it was really interesting to learn more information from Elder Jisu and Linda! They shared a lot of their wisdom with us and I do really value the time we get to spend with the adults and just having the opportunity to learn from them! They’re like NPCs on our quest to becoming adults! Haha. I think the biggest nugget that I took from our conversation was when Linda talked about how she’s a workaholic but learned that it’s better to live in the moment bc you really only are that age once and once it’s gone, it’ll never come back so you may as well make the most of it. I’ve definitely been conditioned to not rest but I think I am getting better. I’ve recognized the origin and see how this is an issue so now I can actually make active steps towards overcoming this bad habit. But yeah! I’m really glad I went! Then I talked and laughed with Natalie for a bit once everyone was preparing to leave. Jason still teases me a lot but I don’t mind it as much anymore. I think that’s just his sense of humor. But then P. Josh offered to take me home and I told him I was fine with taking the bus but he insisted so I accepted. We talked about the experience at Elder Jisu’s for a bit before discussing P. Josh’s plan for the coming semester! He explained how there would be small groups for the whole entire within Movement and how one of the adult life groups would almost “sponsor” each one every so often(per quarter/semester). There would be 3 life group leaders and 3 “helpers.” Jason, Christine, and I were assigned to be helpers while Amanda, Johnny, and Johnathan will be leading. Jason and Christine are supposed to reach out to their specific gender while I’m in charge of admin stuff like scheduling, dealing with money, communicating, posting announcements, etc. I think of it like a secretary/treasurer job. Which isn’t super exciting and tbh, I was kinda surprised to be assigned to that. But I think it’s because I’m so much more logical and organized and apparently trustworthy and it might not be such a big commitment in comparison to being a leader. Which I do respect and I’m thankful that P. Josh took that into account. I also think the 3 leaders do have a stronger spiritual life than the other 3 of us so it makes sense. But to be honest, I was a little bit salty that P. Josh didn’t choose me to do outreach bc I have been constantly reaching out to people throughout the school year last year. I’ve already proven myself so why not appoint me to the job? :/ I understand Jason bc he for sure is constantly reaching out to people but I feel like Christine keeps to herself a lot! But maybe P. Josh is trying to push her to reach out to people more and expand her bubble? Idk. But whatever the reasoning, I want to trust in His process. And plus, nothing is solidified yet so we’ll see what happens. But I am curious to learn his appointing process.

Finally, I got home and took care of some tasks! I prepared my backpack for school tomorrow and found all the necessary materials, cut and taped the new mailbox names, did my dishes, chatted with Rhyarna and Emily briefly, prepared my lunch and water for tomorrow, and now I am here. Overall, today was pretty productive and I’m glad that it unfolded the way it did! Now I’m just hoping to keep my eyes on the prize of the Lord and do my best in my fellowship and studies tomorrow!

Oh also, Andrew and I still seem to be on good terms during our brief conversation today in the group chat.

#reflection

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jess-oh · 7 years ago

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Reflection

It is currently 1:13am and I know that I should just go to sleep and last year, I totally would have but I have some things that I want to get done first. I wasn’t originally going to write one of these today but I do think that it’s important that I start to process everything that’s happened over the past few days.

Robbin’s death hit me really hard. Especially knowing that they pulled the plug on his life. No one saw it coming. He just suddenly had a seizure, a heart attack, and died. And not one person thought this could ever happen. Sometimes I forget that it happened bc it just seems so crazy that it actually happened. But this is real. And now he’s gone. But it was really nice talking to Loren today bc she told me that he actually ended up dying naturally. His heart just stopped beating around 6am on Saturday morning. And that actually made me feel extremely relieved. I’m happy that he got to go in his own time. When I first heard that they were going to pull the plug and donate his organs, I was so heartbroken. Because that last fleeting bit of hope that I had was just snatched away from me so quickly. They were going to get rid of that chance of survival. So the fact that he got to leave in his own time was really encouraging for me. But I didn’t want him to die in vain. This morning, I was still a little depressed but managed to roll out of bed and get ready for the day. I was sad that Dana didn’t come today but it’s almost better that she did. Because I don’t know if I’m ready to tell Dana about Robbin yet. Oh, I did take the chance to talk to Angela yesterday though and she was surprisingly attentive and I can tell that she really does have a heart for the ministry and I am really glad. I thought about confessing to her my fears towards her before but I decided against. Maybe sometime in the future. But it wasn’t the right moment. Anyway, I felt like a soldier today. Moreso on my way home. But I did. This morning, we got into the van like any other day and it was fine. And I really tried to lift my hands to Jesus and just praise Him and really not care about what anyone else did or saw. I just wanted to pour out my heart because I needed to and I didn’t really care what anyone else thought. And honestly, I was a bit distracted and couldn’t fully focus during service but post service was great! I excitedly got awesome food, joined Daniel to whom I don’t usually talk to but I definitely want to invest into him this year and make sure he’s okay. I’m pretty sure he’s a victim of peer pressure and drinking at school and I want to drill into his head that I’m here for him and he shouldn’t feel so alone and ashamed over it. I am here for him. Ready to listen. And I understand his struggle. I actually thought about speaking up about how I struggled with alcohol at the beginning of the school year when P. Josh brought it up today but there wasn’t really time to respond. I don’t think he wanted a response either. But I do want Daniel to know that I am here for him. I’m trying really hard to invest into people this year. Not just because of the resolve that I made at winter retreat but mostly because of Robbin. He passed away and I don’t know if he ever accepted Christ into his life and I don’t want to make that same mistake again. I want to make sure that all the people in my life that I love and care about know who He is bc that’s the greatest gift of all. And I’m sure I’m going to lose some friends along the way which I’m actually really afraid of but I can start with making that culture shift at Lakeview. But yeah, back to lunch. We were eating and I really wanted to invest and dedicate my attention to the people I was sitting next to. People that I didn’t usually talk to. I asked Amanda about her mission trip and we shared our joy for the field together. I encouraged Claire to come to the lock-in. I asked Daniel how his week was. I invited more people to join us. It was really nice. And during college hour today, we did a Bible study and I was separated from Claire and instead talked to Johnny and his friend Albert. Which was good bc I actually wanted to talk to Johnny more anyway. But after we finished discussing the Word, I asked him about whether or not he would come to the lock-in and man, I really wish I just prayed in that moment when I wanted to but I didn’t. I just said that I would pray for him and I will. But I asked him about why he didn’t want to go to the lock-in and what’s been going on in his life recently and I think he’s entering a dry season and I just really encouraged him to come—and not for his friends but so that he could really take the time to rekindle his relationship with God. He doesn’t need to get straight with God before coming to the lock-in. God wants him to come as he is and I don’t know what’s weighing down his heart and I don’t think he knows either but I do pray that he would just be able to confess and give it up to the Lord and let him take care of it. And I really genuinely meant what I said. And I asked if we could hangout sometime in the future and he suggested spring break so we’re aiming for that rn. I’m hoping we can hangout sooner like before the lock-in but regardless, I want to grow deeper in my relationship with him. Eunice and Jason too. Eunice ended up coming to church today and I’ve been playing dumb and I feel so bad about it. I know that she doesn’t want to come out to Movement bc most everyone knows about what happened and I’m just doing my best to reach out to her and meet with her one-on-one. I know that she doesn’t want to tell me bc she feels a lot of shame. I don’t know exactly what she’s going through or why she went to such far lengths to pretend to be a student at Northwestern since last semester. I don’t know. Maybe she needed to leave home bc she found herself in a toxic situation. And for a long time I just saw her as one of the “popular people” at Sa-Rang but it’s not that at all. Now I actually see her as human and for who she is. And I can’t even imagine the pain that she’s currently enduring through or the shame that she must feel. The fact that she’s still coming out to Lakeview at all is amazing in itself. And I feel terrible. And I want nothing more than to be there for her and allow her to open herself up to me and confess everything that she’s done over the past year in her own time. I don’t want to force her too and I don’t want her to feel any worse than she already does bc word spread and I know now too. Because I am not judging her for it. Not at all. In fact, I just want to be there for her and love upon her and show her what true unconditional love and compassion looks like. And more than anything, i want her to confront these things and confess and repent to the Lord. And get closure. And that’s why I think it’s so important for her to come to the lock-in. I just really want to pour my heart out onto her and let her know just how much God truly loves her for who she is and doesn’t care about all her mistakes and sin. He loves her just as she is. And He wants nothing more than for her to just come back home. But I’m also trying to meet up with Jason and I pushed it again today and now we’re meeting sooner, which is gr9!!!! We’re actually meeting the day before I get paid so I am a bit worried about money but hopefully it’ll be okay. Or I’ll just get something really small. But I remember Jason said that he’s depressed too so he gets what I’m going through and at first, I was eager to deny my depression and was almost offended that he called me depressed. But I was. And I still am. And it sucks. And I’m hoping that we can share life together and help build each other up when we get to meet up.

And finally, I really want to fly in for Robbin’s funeral out of respect and not obligation and just to be with family and mourn together. But there’s really no good time to do it. If we do it this week, I’ll miss my membership service on Sunday. If we do it next week, I’ll miss Movement’s lock-in and won’t be able to really love and pray for my fellow brothers and sisters. If it was the week after that, that’d be ideal but it seems pretty unlikely to do it so far into the future. Sigh. One way or the other, I have to make a sacrifice. I do think I would rather miss the membership service because there’s always next time than to miss the opportunity of really loving upon Eunice, Jason, Johnny, Daniel, Dana, Angela, and so many more people.

and real quick before I head out for the night, yesterday, Saturday, I had a one-on-one with Pastor Josh and he was surprisingly understanding. And I told him about my depression and my cousin passing away and everything and even my asperger’s which i almost never ever ever mention bc i’m pretty ashamed of it. but i did. and he understood and just wanted to encourage me. and i was a little bit triggered when he mentioned how when he offers to pay for food, that’s him genuinely wanting to pay and i was yelled of embarrassment. but it is interesting. for angela, she doesnt like to accept money bc of pride. for me, i feel like a burden. and that’s just something we both need to work on. it would have been so much cheaper for me and easier on my bank account if i just let pastor josh treat but i refused. but i am really glad that we got to talk and spend some time together. i was actually getting a bit scared that we wouldn’t be able to meet.

#reflection

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