#anyways. . i just wanted to share little bits from my pinterest boards for them ��(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜

[seoulmatez]

some hoyoverse self-insert aesthetics :3

honkai star rail :: mostly black & white clothing with an occasional pop of color — usually red! lots of corsets and ruffle tops, not particularly drawn skirts or pants — will wear both! primary weapon is a scythe but she collects and carries daggers too :3 the pocket watch is for lore reasons but that is always on her person too

genshin impact :: clothing leans more towards bright and pastel colors but green is her favorite :3 flowy dresses! very much like a fairy heh. loves butterflies and flowers! (clearly lol) the thigh chain is actually where she keeps her vision! folding hand fans often make an appearance as a prop during her performances

[runningfrom2am]

michigan cherry // part six

summary: walking into a saloon in a nowhere town, billy meets a singer who he just can't get off his mind after she slips through his fingers; onto another town, another show- following nothing but the stars in her path. until he sees her again. another nowhere town and equally dusty saloon, but this time, the band of kids who made up her family is nowhere to be found. he's running away from something, and she is storming full speed toward something else, and tangling into each other's lives may just get both of them exactly where they want to be.

pairing: william h. bonney x fem!reader

wc: 2.4k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: singer!reader (she’s giving very much lucy gray), probably a little bit ooc billy but hey i tried- anyway he’s a sweetheart, use of guns and violence, murder and violence but i try to keep it non-descript, oh also she’s an orphan sorry (once again, lucy gray vibes), strangers to friends to lovers trope eee. also not thoroughly proofread oops

the songs in this chapter are: "scared of my guitar" by Olivia Rodrigo, "Michigan Cherry" by River Whyless, "Traveling Song" by Ryn Weaver, "Slim Pickins" by Sabrina Carpenter, and "Adore You - Acoustic" by Maisie Peters !!

a/n: ahhh hi it's my birthday! super excited to share this with you guys even though it isn't all that special or exciting but i'm just happy to be back :). last year for my birthday i posted in this life or the next and i wanted to finally get part 3 of that up today but that just wasn't going to happen BUT for everyone asking i am working on it. i swear. i'm not giving up on it!!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // pinterest board // playlist

You thought that you might have heard somewhere that music is to the soul as opium is to a stubborn cough.

Or, maybe you dreamt that. Regardless, you knew for certain now that it was bullshit. But, with nowhere else to place your heartache, you found yourself sitting by a fire nearly every night with your guitar in your lap, humming soft words under your breath and plucking the strings as gently as you could.

It was for work, yes, but like opium, you had long since become addicted to the routine. Billy had too.

"You can play a little louder, y'know." He hums, tossing a broken twig into the campfire that separates you. "I was promised music in exchange for my services."

"And you get your music." You chuckle, hand pressed over the strings to stop their hum. "You haven't missed a show in almost two months, that ain't enough?"

"Sure, I'm just sayin' don't hold back your practice on my account. I'm happy to listen again." He answers with a soft smile, the yellow glow from the flames warming his features and bathing him in light.

You can't help the matching twitch of your lips to return his, feeling the slight burn in your cheeks that you can't confidently attribute to either the fire or your own blushing. "Well, it ain't much to listen to yet. Not finished."

"Ah, somethin' new?" Billy asks, leaning back on his palms and watching you expectantly as you give him a slight nod.

You're leaning over your guitar to scribble in that little notebook of yours, the pencil almost nothing more than a little nub in your hands and the pages of the book almost filled to the brim with words and notes. The temptation he faces every day to just grab it while you're sleeping or out away from the camp on a little walk has become an almost unbearable curiosity.

Because yes, he loves the songs you do sing, but what he wouldn't give to hear the ones you don't.

Billy would dive at any opportunity to see just a little more into your beautiful mind.

"Yeah, kinda." You hum in response, distracted again by the strings of your guitar effectively wrapping around your heart and your fingers and dragging your attention back to it.

"Okay, then, let me hear what you have so far."

You hate doing that, normally. You would hardly even play incomplete songs for your family when they were around- that awkward moment where you just have to trail off and go "Um, that's all I have..." and try to laugh but not too awkwardly was something painful.

But, this was Billy. Something about him compelled you to agree.

The problem was, the song you were currently meddling with the idea of may or may not be about him. You'd like to confirm with yourself that no, it is not about Billy, but damnit- he's the only person in your life. What else were you meant to write about?

You look down at the pages next to you, narrowed eyes reading over your own writing.

'Perfect, easy, so good to me. So why's there a pit in my gut, in the shape of you'-

Nope, nope, no. He's not hearing that.

You could deny all you wanted that the unfinished song was about him, try and claim to yourself that it was about Max- but deep down you knew the direction it was going.

You flick through the most recent pages, trying to spark your memory of something safer.

'Tart and sweet like a wild berry Tart and sweet your words to me Dark and red like a Michigan cherry Dark and red as the Iliad sea Here we lie in the deep night ready Here we lie, our skin is bare'-

That's definitely not going to work either. Your cheeks get somehow hotter and you clear your throat, flipping the page again.

Okay, this is much better.

"Like I said, it ain't done, so... not much to it yet, but..." You say, clearing your throat and avoiding his eyes as you quickly scan the new page again and position your fingers over the guitar strings.

Billy gives you a steeled nod, sitting up a little straighter ready to listen as if he would be a judge of the quality of your music. It was a joke, you both knew it. He knew he couldn't come up with a critiquing word toward your music if he was held at gunpoint and forced to try.

"Nobody knows where they are going Oh, how we try to wrap our minds Over the edge of all our knowings Be it a bang or the divine Tip of my iceberg blues are showing I've never been one for goodbyes So, 'til I meet you there, I'm singing A traveling song to ease the ride And so you know, everywhere I roam I'll see you on the road."

Your voice is steady, focussed on getting it out rather than dwelling on the meaning of the words and Billy could tell.

"So farewell to my friend, He who taught me to love like a beast And to feast like the queen that he fed turtle soup Little boy from Paris to the States, check the facts That was Magical Max He was black sheep and mischief and love for his craft..."

His heart leaps at the little laugh that falls from your lips at the memory of your friend, your fingers slowing their strum to a steady halt. He doesn't expect you to continue, but you do, your smile quickly fading again back into an attempt at indifferent focus.

"Then he told me that I was starlights that shine On that very last day, he said "Shoot for your dreams, little girl, to the stars" Well, I'm taking you with me Now this one is ours and I know what you'd say you'd say "On with the show!" So on we go."

How embarrassing it is to almost cry singing a song that isn't done, for your best friend who would never live to hear it. Whose memory deserved to be shared. It wouldn't get very far if you couldn't even share it with one person; if you couldn't even stomach finishing it.

"Um, so... I'm not sure about chording for that last bit, or honestly the lyrics. I think it feels better without the guitar, but..." You say quickly, focussing yourself on your book and pretending to scribble something in it just so you wouldn't have to look at the boy sitting across the fire from you.

"I think it's perfect." Billy tells you, a softness to his tone you only had the pleasure of hearing once in a blue moon.

What he meant to say was that it's beautiful, that it's a flawlessly fitting tribute that he felt lucky to hear, that when sung by an angel's voice like yours he didn't doubt for a second that your friend Max had heard it from beyond the veil and loved it too. Even unfinished.

None of that was what came out though, essentially awestruck the way he always was at your shows- but this time he was able to actually speak to you after hearing it instead of just clapping, whistling, or if he was lucky, catching your gaze with a smile and a corny thumbs up that told you he thought you were doing great. Not that you needed it.

"Thanks." Your sweet voice replies, watching him for a moment you determine to be too long before your focus is back on the notebook next to you. "Anyway, um, if you want to hear something else unfinished, this one I think is going to be kind of funny."

"Show me what you've got, then."

Billy simply couldn't resist anymore.

Sitting absentmindedly on a hay bale in a barn where a local owner was gracious enough to let the two of you stay, that damned notebook seems to be glowing right in his face from the sunlight streaming through some bullet holes in the wood paneling that made up the side of the stable.

It's taunting him, he's sure of it.

This stare-down has been going on for about ten minutes since you left it out on the ground next to your guitar to go use the homeowner's washbasin to clean up when his wife offered- you weren't going to turn down a bath that wasn't in a creek.

That would probably take you a while though, you'd likely savour it, so he could just take a look. You'd sing him pretty much anything asked, and what could possibly be more vulnerable than that song you wrote about Max that you shared with him a couple of weeks ago? Surely you wouldn't mind all that much. On the off chance you ever found out. Which, of course, you wouldn't- because he would put it right back where it was after just skimming it.

It's not Billy's fault your handwriting just looks so pretty and you're a poet without publication privileges- it would just be a waste if no one ever read your pretty musings written oftentimes to no one.

And still, he convinces himself again, that you would never know.

He gets up and studies the book to make sure he could put it back down at the right angle before picking it up, hands gentler than they have ever been- like he was touching his mother's precious crystal vase, a wedding gift that had been long lost to time in several moves across the sea and then the country.

He opens the notebook and immediately he can see how you've grown since this book was first picked up by your delicate hands. How your print has changed from beginning to almost end, the pages all wrinkled from spills and humidity and time.

How lucky, he thinks, to be chosen by you for this journey of your life. Why does he feel so much camaraderie for a book?

He skims the pages, delighted to see that it isn't just full of words but drawings too; the sweetest most delicate doodles of little things like your guitar or a flower here and there squeezed in amongst the words on the pages. The amount of talent one young woman could possess astounded him, it's shocking that it doesn't drip out of your every pore in the very black ink that you use to write. 

He can't help smiling a little to himself as he reads the scrawled titles and lyrics to songs he recognizes and he can practically hear your beautiful voice singing every word he's already heard.

'A boy who's nice that breathes- I swear, he's nowhere to be seen.'

That was the funnier song you sang to him those odd weeks ago, and just remembering the small laugh that fell from your lips as you sang the words makes him chuckle too as he reads it.

You had told him you wrote it with Sarah, and he could tell- based on the two distinctive styles of handwriting squeezed onto the small page.

He begins to realize as he flips through the pages of the small tattered notebook resting in his lap, that you had been dating the pages. Finished songs had dates of beginning and completion going back a little over a year, and he figures this must not be the first one you've gone through.

Billy comes to the near back of the notebook, as much as he would love to spend all day reading every word you'd ever translated turning your life into poetry or ballads of melodic storytelling, he knew his time was limited.

One song in particular catches his attention, though.

'So high that I am floating, So good that I'm out of my head. So low baby I was hurting, you made it better again.

Oh, we got caught in a moment, and I'll lay with you all night. So good that now I'm hoping you'll hold me down for life.

I adore, I adore, I adore you.'

The corners of his lips twitch up in a smile as he reads the words, scribbled out and rewritten several times in some places.

It's unfinished, but dated to have been started a couple of weeks ago. He remembers you had asked him what the date was that day, and saw you write it down as he answered- your hair falling over your face and brushing your shoulders as it shielded the book from his view.

A couple weeks ago.

And the drawing- oh, how his heart flutters in his chest so quickly it feels like his ribs have transformed into a sparrow's cage.

To Billy, it looked like him. He knew he must be thinking crazy, after all, it had been a while since he had had a proper look in a mirror, but it sure felt like he was right now- down to the little feathers on his hat and the shape of his cupid's bow. You had given yourself away with the scope of your artistic faith.

"What are you doing?"

At the sound of your voice, slightly hesitant as you stand in the entrance to the barn, he slams the book shut and jumps just about a foot in the air; a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"N-nothing! I just, it just- um..." It was still clutched in his hands, already weary of parting with the precious object of your affections. "It, um... It fell, and I- I just picked it up, and-"

When he looks up at you, you look mildly horrified; cheeks burning the same way his are and eyes blown wide like you had been the one who was caught doing something wrong.

Neither of you move, both frozen on the spot, terrified of the next words that might fall from the lips of the other.

You weren't about to incriminate yourself by asking in a shaky voice if he had read or looked at any of it, knowing he did, and he wasn't going to ask if that song or any others he skimmed (and wish he took more care reading) were about him like he hoped they were.

After a moment of staring at each other like both of you were hostages with guns to your head respectively, you both decide to make the first move at the exact same time. He quickly holds the book out to you at the very moment you reach out to take it, and the awkward exchange makes you want to curl up under the hay bale you were meant to sleep on and rot there.

no taglist this time around!! my fics usually get over a hundred requests to be added to the taglist so instead i made a library! follow me over on @runningfrom2am-library and turn on notifs to get updates when i post new parts!!

[ohmygs-blog]

hi my loves <3 warning for u as this will be a bit of a long post bahaha but hopefully it will help explain to u guys :) i haven’t been very active on this account, or my second account as a lot of u guys have noticed. i appreciate all of the different dms and inboxes checking in on me and i’ve missed u all !!! and i promise i’m okay !!!

ive been doing a lot of thinking in the past couples weeks and i 100% do not plan on leaving this account or my writing anytime soon.

honestly i don’t have the words to explain what i mean or have been feeling but ig the best way would be; i’ve been losing the excitement that comes with posting and writing on tumblr.

im not sure what changed and that's what majority of where the frustration i have is coming from. i don’t want to say ive outgrown this because i don’t think i have, its just the struggle of thinking of ideas and messages that match with the little personas ive created.

i’ve talked abt it before and taking inspo from the dreamies irl personalities i’ve tried to create my own personas of them and it’s important to me idk hahaha. what i’m getting at is ive become a bit of a perfectionist and if i don’t think an idea of mine matches w their character its discouraging if that makes sense idk???

instead of the excitement, ive honestly just been stressing myself out and finding anything i can to pick at and tear down. which leads towards more stress because i honestly love writing and seeing all of ur comments & messages and interacting with u guys and when i feel like i have nothing to offer i feel bad ahahah.

ANYWAY all this to say, that im not closing my account or leaving u lovely ppl behind. i have a couple drafts written and saved in my drafts so ill be posting them and working on requests when inspiration strikes !!!!

• ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ •

in the meantime if ur missing my writing (pls miss me bc ill miss u dearly), here's some of my other socials that i will be active on !!!!

pinterest !!! see what goes on in my brain, fic inspo boards, nct dream bf inspo & other boards :D

twitter !! @/ohmyyygodddd (idk what i’m going to do on my twitter lol but i’ve been waiting to make a 2nd account and i just made it today lol)

wattpad !!! fics below !! pls check them out i’m begging haha i’ve worked so hard on them and i’d love to share them w you guys :D

the alliance: wherein a group of friends can't get enough of their random internet feuds or taking down their enemies !

love department: wherein dani's friends are embarrassed over the lack of love (and boys) in her life and decide they need to help out.

[scr33ch1ng]

So,

There really is nothing on system littles. And what I mean is, despite how long I've been searching I can't find much that helps us actually raise a child. System hosts will mention it, sure, or they'll have a specific alter who is great with kids. But we don't have any of that, and I bet other systems are struggling with this too. So, I'm compiling what I've learned in the past year or so and sharing it as an attempt to help.

This is written from my experiences with my little brother, a traumatized headmate around 10 years old. This might not apply to everyone.

Traumatized children require constant reassurance. They might be easily scared or startled by anything, and hold irrational beliefs that everything will hurt them (me too buddy). They can be the most vulnerable and emotional part of a system. This makes them really important, and in a unique position. They DEMAND attention. Even if they are quiet, if they are dissatisfied, it will come back and bite you in the ass. They require patience and special consideration.

You have to make your child headmate feel safe and comfortable. This is easier said than done. It's a lot more complicated than simply buying some toys and watching cartoons. Children have emotional needs, we all do. They need to feel love and feel like they are part of a family. This is why communication is very important. Communication is different with every system, and we communicate via a variety of writings, pinterest boards, dreams, co-fronting, and more direct but vague ways of throwing emotions at each other, and asking questions and receiving a vague response. This is all to say that even if you literally can't hold a conversation, there is many ways to talk to each other.

In order to meet your littles needs you have to know them first. You can assume the basics, yes, but that will only get you so far. Children also aren't known for their excellent communication skills, so this is a process. My little benefits from a pacifier, which was easy to figure out. But it took longer to realize he also wants his own clothing, and he refuses to wear black because it's a color that is worn too frequently by other alters, and he needs to feel like his own person. This might be a bit ridiculous. A color is just a color, right? No one is going to die by wearing black. But to him it is very important, and he will be distressed if he is not wearing clothes comfortable to him.

And the way our system works is it's easy to feel another alter's distress, so there is no point in wigging a systemmate out for no reason. You want to work together to reduce stress. It makes an easier time for everybody.

Anyways. You will have to make compromises. You make compromises just by being a system. I adjusted our living space to be more "child friendly". I removed the animal bones we had on display. I don't buy decor that my child alter would find scary, even if it's a horror movie character I like, even if I think it's not that bad. If you can make your little feel comfortable even by one percent, it's worth it. I adjusted our room to feel more cheerful. I have a shelf of easily accessible toys. I decorated our house more with cute things. Fridge magnets, goodwill figurines, a printed photo of a puppy, anything to make your syskid feel like this is also their space will help .

This is all I have for today. Thanks for reading!

[greenlegsandspam]

The Mistletoe Scheme

Jungsu x reader

Warnings: a kiss, a tiny bit of jealousy, fluff

Word count: 2.4 k

Author's note: This is my first fic, so I'm sorry if it's not very good! I just think my boys (Xdinary Heroes) deserve more love on this platform so I'd like to start writing about them.

“Would it be weird to hang a mistletoe?” Your roommate, Chaewon, asks you. 

You’re setting up your shared apartment for a Christmas party you’re hosting later this evening. It became the norm for you two to host holiday events for your group of friends since your apartment is the largest and parties don’t disturb your neighbors. It’s also a way for you to feel a bit less homesick; your family back home too far away from you to spend time with you during the holidays. It’s not like you don’t want to make the trip, but your family is adamant you only spend the money to see them once a year, and that always falls on your father’s birthday. 

You’re currently laying out a Christmas themed charcuterie board you made that you stole from Pinterest. “I don’t think so,” you reply, lining the cheese up in a neat little line, “It’s not like anyone will actually pay attention to it unless Gunil is points it out, because you know he will.”

“Hey, you leave my boyfriend alone!”

You also invited more than just your friend group this year; some of your coworkers are joining for the festivities. Because of this, you also split up Secret Santa, so those who don’t know each other won’t have to get gifts for people they don’t know. 

For your friends, you pulled Hyeongjun out of the hat, and got him a very cozy looking sweater that you know he’ll love. For your coworkers, you pulled Felix, and you got him a new game for his console.

Chaewon hangs the mistletoe right above the entryway to the kitchen, figuring that was as good of a place as any, “I’ll try to steer Jungsu over here for you so you can finally confess,” she winks and you roll your eyes.

You have been friends with the six boys for years now, but recently you’ve developed a bit of a crush on the stronger of the bunch. Even though you’ve known each other for years, the revelation hit you like a truck a few months ago; you like Jungsu.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Chae, he wouldn’t want to kiss me anyway.”

Your roommate jumps down from the stool and it’s her turn to roll her eyes, “Oh please, the boy looks at you like he’d give you the universe.”

“You’re delusional.”

“And you’re oblivious!”

You’ve had this argument a few times, never believing your friend when she tells you that Jungsu likes you back. Why would he? He’s the sweetest, most caring person you’ve ever met, it’s only fitting that you’d develop feelings for him.

Which is exactly why you don’t believe her. If he’s liked you for as long as she says, why haven’t you noticed?

You look at your watch and back at your friend, “Come on, people will start arriving soon and we haven’t even put on our sweaters yet.”

—————————————————————

Two hours later, the party is in full swing, all of your guests mingling around, your coworkers and friends getting along very well just as you’d predicted. The Christmas tree lined with dozens of presents under its’ branches waiting to be opened. You’ve been bouncing around to everyone, trying to make sure you’re a welcoming host. 

You’ve glanced over at Jungsu more times than you’d like to admit. He’s been talking to Jiseok for awhile, animatedly telling a story you can’t hear. 

You try not to stare, trying to focus on the conversation with Yunjin, but his bright smile and his blinking excitement is too hard to tear your eyes away from. You shake your head, taking a sip of eggnog to refocus yourself.

Little did you know that Jungsu has been having the same difficulties as you.

Chaewon was completely right; he may have never stated it outwardly but Jungsu has been harboring a crush on you for a very long time. Not exactly since the start of your friend group forming, but pretty close. He admires the way you make time for everyone, making sure not to give half-hearted greetings and to give exceptional attention to everyone you speak with.

All of your friends are aware of his crush; it’s kind of hard not to notice his lovestruck eyes every time he sees you. The only person who’s blissfully unaware is the person of his affection; yourself. 

He sees you moving toward the snack table and quickly decides to join you, not having spoken to you yet.

You’ve decided you needed another glass of eggnog, wondering if you should’ve just spiked the bowl instead of leaving it nonalcoholic. Then maybe you could have the courage to confess just like Chaewon was trying to get you to.

“Is there something wrong with the eggnog?” You hear next to you, and repress the shiver you feel from the familiar voice.

You look over at Jungsu, confused, “What?”

He gives you a soft smile in return, gesturing toward the bowl, “You’ve just been staring at it for awhile.”

Your face starts to heat up, realizing you’ve been daydreaming about the confession you’ll never make, “Oh, uh I guess I was just lost in my head for a moment,” you return his shy smile, refilling your glass as you originally intended. 

Even though your massive crush on him should make it hard to talk to him, it’s always been smooth conversation between the two of you. You guys talk for awhile next to the snack table, both forgetting about the party around them for a moment. Gunil and Chaewon exchange knowing glances at each other, observing how completely engrossed you both are in your conversation. Gunil takes his phone out of his pocket and takes a picture of you two, adding it to his photo album, “Two idiots in love”.

Chaewon chuckled at her boyfriend, “You know, one day they’re going to discover that little album of yours and go ballistic.”

Gunil shrugged with a smirk and Chaewon clapped her hands, announcing to the group, “Alright everyone! Time for Secret Santa. Y/n and I will hand out everyone’s gifts and we’ll open each one one by one.”

You smile at Jungsu, saddened that your conversation is ended so soon (even though it was really at least half an hour long), and go over to the tree with Chaewon, handing out the gifts. You and Chaewon decided not to put your names in the coworker pot so you two don’t get double the gifts, just to make it fair for everyone. Everyone gathers in the living room, and you both hand everyone their gifts before everyone settles down to start.

Chan got a loverboy hat from Kim Seungmin, Chaewon got Yunjin a new eyeshadow palette, and the gifts go on. Hyeongjun smiled brightly at his gift from you and you beamed, him easily guessing the gift was from you because of it. 

Felix excitedly told everyone how badly he wanted the game you got him since it released, and he guessed it was from Chan but when he found out it was you, he ran and jumped on you, giving you a big bear hug that you couldn’t help but laugh at. 

Jungsu silently stewed over the interaction. He knew you were close to your coworkers, but he didn’t think you were that close. He watched as Felix talked your ear off about the lore of the game, staying too close next to you for Jungsu’s comfort. 

Jiseok was next to his friend, watching him get jealous over the interaction between you and Felix. Jiseok smirked and nudged his shoulder, “You know,” he whispered, “If you just confessed, that could be you over there.”

Jungsu shoved his friend, tipping him over while Jiseok just laughs, knowing that he hit a bit of a nerve. Jungsu fiddled with the scarf he got from Kazuha, not wanting to watch you two any longer. 

“Y/n, it’s your turn,” You look up, noticing Oh Seungmin already opened his gift to your left. You smile at the gift in your lap, a small box wrapped with a bow. You take off the bow and rip off the wrapping paper, and take off the lid of the box. A small gasp leaves your lips, and you gently reach into the box. In it, a beautiful silver locket, the pendant shaped like a small vintage portrait broach. You open a locket to see small photos of your family on the inside. 

Your eyes start to water, missing your family but also feeling so loved from the gift in your hands. You look up, trying to find the eyes of whoever gave you the gift, but nobody seems to want to fess up. 

“Thank you,” you say quietly to no one, eyes back on the locket, tracing the edges with your fingertips. The rest of the party moves on to the next person, Eunchae, opening her gift, but you keep your focus on the locket. 

The rest of Secret Santa goes well, and you continue the party afterwards. You sit on your bay window cushion, with Felix next to you talking about his holiday plans, while you still stare at your locket. Whoever gave the necklace to you really knew you well, the face of the necklace being something you’ve always admired. Having pictures of your family as well, someone must’ve consulted Chaewon to get those. Maybe you should ask her about it.

Felix looks at you quizzically, noticing how you haven’t been as interactive during your conversation, “Y/n?”

You look up at him, guilt running across your features, “Oh, Felix I’m sorry, I haven’t been the greatest listener, huh?”

He just laughs at you, patting you on the shoulder, “You do seem a bit distracted. You know, I bet you’re hoping a certain someone gave you the necklace,” he whispers, wiggling his eyebrows.

You blush, looking back at the locket. Felix knows all about your crush on Jungsu, even though he just met the man tonight, he’s heard the name ‘Jungsu’ come from your lips more times than he can count. Even before you realized your crush. 

Jungsu sees you blushing with Felix and a frown adorns his face. He wants to be the reason you’re blushing right now, but he can’t work up the nerve to do anything about it. Oh Seungmin, Jiseok and Gunil are all around him, just telling him to go talk to you. He only finally does after seeing Felix touch your shoulder again, taking long strides over to you. 

Jungsu clears his throat, and you and Felix snap your heads toward him, “Um, do you mind if I talk to Y/n for a minute?”

You look at Felix and he gives you a wink, standing up, “No problem man, I’ll go get some cookies,” and Felix heads off. 

Jungsu takes his place, a bit of an awkward air around the two of you as you fiddle with the necklace in your hands. You both stay quiet for a beat, before Jungsu clears his throat again, “Do you like it?”

He gestures toward the necklace and you smile, nodding at him, “Very much so.”

He lets out a breath of air, like he was holding it in, “Good, good, it was hard to find.”

Your eyes go wide and you realize that Jungsu was your secret Santa, “You got this for me?”

He nods his head shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. Your face heats up a bit, your smile widening, “I love it, really I do.”

Jungsu gently takes the necklace from your hands, lifting it up, “May I?” he asks, offering to put it on you. You nod again, turning around for him to put it on you easier. His fingers brush against your neck as he brings it around, clasping it at the back. If you weren’t already blushing before, you definitely were now. 

“Thank you,” you say quietly, turning back around towards the man next to you. You two lock eyes, blushes on both of your faces and you don’t tear your eyes away from each other for a minute. That is, until you hear Gunil shout your name, and when you look at him, he’s pointing above you. 

You and Jungsu both look up, a mistletoe directly above the two of you. When the hell did that get there? Your eyes shoot lasers in Chaewon’s direction, and she puts her hands up in surrender, “Hey, did you really expect me to only hang one?”

Your eyes find Jungsu’s again, and you notice a bright red on his ears.

“I’m gonna kill her,” You mumble, and Jungsu awkwardly giggles at your tone. 

“C’mon, kiss!” Gunil shouts, causing everyone around to laugh.

“We don’t have to,” you whisper, not wanting Jungsu to feel pressured into anything he doesn’t want to do. 

Jungs licks his lips, his eyes looking anywhere but at you, “I mean, it’s not how I pictured our first kiss going… but I’m not opposed.”

“Pictured…? You’ve thought of kissing me before?” You’re not sure what to do, but you can hear your heartbeat in your ears.

His cheeks get brighter, and he finally looks at you, “Ah, yeah… Sorry. I’ve kind of had a crush on you for a while…”

Before your brain can even react, you reach toward his face and pull him toward you, lips meeting for the first time in a passionate kiss. Cheers erupt around you, even someone shouting “Finally!” But all you can focus on is the soft lips on yours.

You break apart, too quickly for your liking, and you give a wide smile, “I’ve kind of had a crush on you for awhile too.”

There’s nothing more beautiful than the smile on Jungsu’s face, and you both laugh, a mix of disbelief at your mutual oblivion and embarrassment from the publicity of your first kiss. Your hands find each others, both giddy your feelings are returned. 

“Isn’t this where you’re supposed to ask me on a date now?” you ask mischeviously.

Jungsu laughs some more, “Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?” He asks you, that beautiful smile seemingly permanently fixed on his face. 

You kiss his cheek, matching his smile with your own, “I though you’d never ask.”

Gunil and Chaewon give each other a high five, happy that their little mistletoe scheme actually worked. Unbeknownst to you, Chaewon has a pocket full of mistletoes, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to arise, and boy did it. Gunil reaches for his phone to take another picture of you two, only to discover it’s not in his pocket. He finds out really quickly where it is, however, as he hears Jungsu shout, “Gunil, I’m going to kill you!”

-------------------------------

I hope it was okay enough to read for the holidays!

If anyone wants to know what the necklace would look like, I was inspired by this. Thank you for reading!

[rentumblsstuff]

Stacy headcanons? Since I love the way you write her

OOOO YAY UHHH LEMME SEE

My biggest headcanon for her is that Melissa (TGWDLM, Hey Melissa) is her cousin. She’s not a serial killer but she does have a little bit of a screw-loose like her. She also loves cats (and as opposed to being all serial-killer-y about people being animals, she’s really just into petplay-)

That connection being established, I think her family is rich! In Miss Holloween (a couple scenes were read in one of the fundraising livestreams for Cinderella’s Castle), it’s established that Stacy goes to college at Vassar in New York and that is not easy to get into and not cheap, so they’ve gotta have a bit of dough ykwim??? And in Hey Melissa, it’s stated Melissa flew all her friends in, and paying for 3 peoples’ airline tickets can’t be cheap. So……… They’re well-off.

DOM.👏 ENOUGH SAID.

She wears vanilla perfume!

Neurodivergent (and is very unaware of this) and cheer is one of her special interests! She’s also involved in the dance team at Hatchetfield High and could go on an infinitely long rant about the history of any given genre of dance (cause “what kind of a dancer doesn’t know that stuff???” A lot of them, Stacy… a lot of them.)

She also LOVES Sanrio and is secretly a huge fan of “girly” animes. She’s always wanted to bond with Richie over their shared love of Japanese culture but they were never really allowed to interact before Max “went missing.” Her favorite anime is Kakegurui and she tried to learn how to play card games because of it.

She was THRIVING with the whole e-girl look in 2020 and that’s usually how she dressed when she didn’t have to wear her cheer uniform. She WOULD HAVE been bullied for it if that’s not what everyone else was wearing too.

She’s got double d’s and this headcanon is PURELY because of the Stacy’s Melons thing from Abstinence Camp

In the future she experiments more with her hair because now she can do so without fear of getting bullied

Her favorite colors are baby blue and pastel pink.

Back to Stacy attending Vassar, I think she majored in women’s studies. Cause I don’t think anything else suits her better.

She’s had a crush on Richie for a while and hasn’t acted on it because she’s worried she’ll get bullied too, he’ll get bullied harder than he already does, or that her approach to flirting/asking him out will be too forward and creepy because she’s been told she comes across that way by other boys in the past.

Tw in this paragraph for SH; When Richie first admits to her when they start dating that he struggles with his mental health, she kisses the scars on his arms that he shows her.

If she had to be claimed by a LiB I think it’d be Blinky. She has a lil bit of stalkerish tendencies that he would appreciate. (Steph is Wiggly-claimed and Brenda is Nibbly-claimed just for reference in my head :])

If the NPMD cast was in a polar opposites AU where they’re all the opposites of themselves I think Opposite!Stacy would essentially serve the same function as Ruth, but she’s not role swapped with Ruth if you get what I mean.

SADIST. Paddles and clamps and shit dude. All her sex toys are super cutesy and aesthetic too. Definitely owns a couple tails.

I think with guys she’s dated before, they’ve done stuff but never gone all the way, so she’s technically a virgin. None of them could match her freak anyways 💅 she likes hearing about Steph’s hookups though; living vicariously through her best friend is fun and she totally doesn’t feel like an animal scratching at its enclosure to get out whaaaaaaaaat???

Trying to think of a wholesome one to end on hold on-

Her favorite fruit is pineapple because she learned that there’s an enzyme in it called Bromelain that breaks down proteins, so when you eat pineapple, it eats you back. She thinks that’s sick as fuck.

She watched Tiger King three times.

OH and her favorite app on her phone is Pinterest. She’s OBSESSED. Her boards are all perfectly organized, not a pin out of place.

There’s 20 headcanons :) thank you for reading !!! <3

[heygerald]

I've never had a submission before this, and you guys... it's the best thing I've ever gotten. S/o to @white-wolf-buckaroo for both her skills and her characterization of future Tom/Parker as parents. I had another ask recently that wanted me to talk about this exact topic (I'll get to it, I swear!) and Wolfie has come through for me.

---

You’re the author and this is your story, and I absolutely respect that obviously, but I couldn’t get this scene out of my head so I had to write a short thingy about it (at least my writer’s block doesn’t affect all of my creativity lol); hope I don’t overstep here or anything 👉🏻👈🏻 I honestly don’t know where this came from (I suspect the chapter with Colt’s birthday party had something to do, and also my pinterest board, and I guess my hormones). Anyways, English isn’t my first language but I did my best lol 🙃 It for sure can be better, but I’ll send it to you just like how it first came out. I wrote it listening to ‘Birds of a Feather’ the whole bit, so that’s my vibe here lol.

Hope you like it G <3

The soft sound of the waves crashing against the shore at night echoed in the distance as the bonfire was lit. Marshmallows were help up high above the flames, just the right amount of time for them to turn golden on the outside before they took them back to eat them with the chocolate and the biscuits already prepared on a little table next to them. The golden glow of the fire before them kind of made their smiles even brighter as they shared a laugh when Tom burnt himself with one of the smores, but instead of complaining about them laughing at him, he just rolled his eyes, and he ended up smiling as well.

Summer nights were his favourites. Sure, he enjoyed building Legos inside when it was raining in Autumn, sitting by the fireplace cuddling Parker in the living room in Winter was something he loved, and enjoying the soft golden hue of the sun during the first days of Spring while laying on their massive couch was incredibly relaxing, but Summer nights were something else. Living in California, he had insisted pretty early on having a house by the beach, even if it was only for vacationing during the hotter months; he liked having a private place just for them to enjoy, to invite family over for a few days (Colt and Jody had been there more than once since they bought it) and for him and Parker to relax together all alone. The days they spent there always seemed slower, more relaxed and brighter; he felt at peace there, a place to be completely himself with the person he loved the most.

Only now, after a few years, it wasn’t just the two of them anymore.

The little girl in his lap giggled as he finished eating his smore, still pretending to burn himself a bit while doing so; she had her own sweet treat in her hands, forgotten while she laughed at his antics, getting her fingers all sticky. Parker reached out then with a tissue, sitting by their side; she had already finished her smore, and while she wiped their little girl’s hands clean, she cradled their sleeping baby boy in her lap with her other arm completely wrapped around him. His little face was squished against her chest, covered almost entirely by his golden locks that looked just as Tom’s, snoring softly while his older sister still giggled in Tom’s lap.

Parker watched them as Tom finished their daughter’s smore in one bite while she telling Parker something about a seashell she had found, and he looked innocently away when she protested at it being gone. They laughed again, and Tom tickled her, making her erupt into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. Although most parents wouldn’t let their children have that much sugar that late at night, when their daughter asked for more marshmallows, they gave in almost instantly; they were having too much fun to say no anyways. They had had a wonderful day building sand castles, swimming in the ocean and eating ice lollies, and now with the bonfire, Tom silently wished that his summers would always be like this for the rest of his life; sure, his job gratified him, he enjoyed himself when he went out with friends from time to time, but ever since Parker entered his life, and even more since they started a family together, he realized more and more every passing day that he didn’t need anything else to be happy.

Years ago a sappy thought like that would have made him gag, most probably, because the only thing he could think about was to become a famous and successful actor. That was his goal, and that was completely fine back then, because he was young, and he wanted to become something for himself, by himself. And he actually did; he would have been happy to go on like that with the rest of his life for… well, forever. He wasn’t interested in having a ‘permanent’ partner (why limit the fun?) or even get married or have children; those things seemed unimportant, until he found the woman he now calls his soulmate.

Parker cradled their son in her lap, with her hand absentmindedly stroking his hair, and he wished to never forget that moment: her soft smile, how her eyes shone with the small bonfire they had improvised in their backyard in the sand, and how she kissed their daughters cheek sweetly to thank her when she shifted over to her to hand her half of her new marshmallow. The heat from the flames in front of him was nothing compared to the warmth he felt in his chest while looking at those three people: his partner, love of his life, his woman, his forever, and their babies, who had become his entire world. He took pride in the awards he had won, the roles he had played over the years, and everything he had achieved on his own since he first stepped a foot in California, but the family he and Parker had created together? That was by far the greatest achievement.

When it was starting to get late, and their daughter began to rub her eyes tiredly even though she insisted on playing with them a bit more, they packed everything up to go back inside the house, promising her that they could play more in the morning. She accepted reluctantly, making a face she had one hundred percent gotten from Parker (she also shared that expression with Colt; she was a Seavers through and through), but she insisted on walking to the house herself; Tom missed the times she insisted on being carried all the time, always snuggling in his arms looking ridiculously small and sweet (which she still did, to be honest), back when she wasn’t telling everyone that she was ‘a big girl’ ever since her fourth birthday.

Parker noticed this, just like everything about him because she always got him like anyone ever did, and so she handed him their son, still sleeping; he accepted him in his arms, cradling him to his slightly exposed chest. His baby stirred a bit, complaining about the sudden movement, but Tom shushed him softly holding him lovingly, and the boy went back to sleep the moment his chubby cheek laid against Tom’s warm skin. Parker kissed their baby’s forehead, and then Tom’s cheek, before going after their daughter, who was walking (more like stumbling) through the sand, scooping her up when she reached her. Parker turned around back to him then, both her and their daughter looking over at him still standing by the now small flames of the bonfire; they called for him to join them, and he didn’t need to be told twice.

Oh these Summer nights. They were just perfect.

---

OKAY. Screaming. Crying. Throwing up because???? This is BEAUTIFUL! I've never had someone submit something to me before, and I am literally going crazy over this.

Wolfie, it is amazing. It's so heartfelt. So Parker coded. Everything I want for them in the future. I love it. I love it. I love it. Thank you eternally for your bravory and skills, as well as your constant interactions and love. I hope this cures your writing block, and am so flattered you chose to use my oc to work on it.

ETERNAL HUGS AND KISSES.

[bananasfosterparent]

Name: Efenity (Efe) Kelmorn

Toyhouse Profile:

https://toyhou.se/23127342.efenity-kelmorn

Pinterest Aesthetic Board:

https://www.pinterest.com/spiiceprincess/oc-baldurs-gate-3-efenity-kelmorn/

Personal Theme Songs:

Do Bad Well - KSHMR (ft Nevve)

Losing My Mind (ft HALIENE) - Tritonal

Unstable - Svrcina

All Eyes On Me - CRMNL

The Glamorous Life - Eden's Crush

Race/Species: Half High-Elf, (later) Vampire Bride/undead

Age: Mid 30s

MBTI: ESTP-A Class: Storm Sorcerer 

Background: Criminal - Smuggling, transportation/import/export, haggling, heist planning

Proficient Skills: Intimidation, Deception, Persuasion  

Personality: ESTP - Efenity is not a "nice person". She doesn't revel in being evil or mean necessarily... she just has no patience for stupidity and often just feels frustrated and angry all the time. But she holds it in. She can often be quiet, but speaks loud and heavy. She spent far too long being silenced, and when she has something to say, she's going to say it. But she doesn't share a lot about herself either. Mostly so it can't be used against her. She can put on airs and be sweet, charming, and kind when it's needed, but it's usually not with sincerity.

She prefers to be the biggest voice (and person) in the room, using intimidation (and her muscles) as a convincer.

It takes a lot for her to trust someone and be loyal to them, but once they are in her very, very, very small "circle" she trusts them completely. Otherwise... she'll sell you to the devil for a corn chip and think nothing of it.

Full Backstory: READ HERE (Google Doc)

Powers: Favors lightning and thunder magic, Flight, and...biting.

Allies/Friends: Shadowheart...and...?  lol she doesn't make friends very well.

Significant Other: Astarion (Ascended)

Ship Pinterest Board:

https://www.pinterest.com/spiiceprincess/oc-baldurs-gate-3-efenity-kelmorn/efenion-efenity-x-astarion/

Ship status: Excellent Standing. At first, romping around with Astarion is just good fun. Efenity knew enough about vampires to know not to trust him. Moreover, her own issues with letting herself get close to people and fearing she will ruin and lose them (and vice versa) allowed her to keep him at a safe distance from her heart. Until she couldn't. She tried her best to not fall in love with him, but once he had confessed his own failure to do the same with her, the fight against it was pointless. She realized she cared about him more than she cared about even herself. Which was new, for her. In her own way of selflessness, she became his personal army and stopped at nothing to support his decisions. He wanted complete independence, revenge, and security? Consider it done. She helped him ascend and gladly took her place by his side, as his little love, his right hand, his Dark Consort. She'd go to the hells and back if he simply asked her to, and bring him back a souvenir. He wanted to live and she helped him become alive again. She trusts him with everything she is. She will praise him as her Lord and Lover forever and follow and serve him to the deepest depths. Their love is an unconventional and often misunderstood one, but remains true and deep for them. And that's all that really matters.

Ship themes (pulled from their ridiculously massive playlist):

Thunder - Primo the Alien

Salt & Vinegar (dEd Version) - Lights

Primordial (ft Niya Wells) - Satin Jackets

Parachute (Kat Krazy Extended Remix) - Matthew Koma

Misery - RUNN

If The Devil Is You - RUNN

Because The Night - The Midnight ft Nikki Flores ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yaaay it's Efe! I have sort of been avoiding Tumblr, first for Miraculous Ladybug spoilers and now I just was a bit unsure how the BG3 fandom was here, but I figured it's chill enough.

ANYWAY Here is Efenity, my lil caramel drop uwu Actually, huge caramel drop. She's a big lady lol I mostly did this for my own reference, but figured it would be good in general to have a "masterpost" of info about her.

I wanted to have a non-hero Tav to pair with Astarion and who also wasn't Durge. It took a little while but I'm really happy with her design and backstory! I'm really super happy with her in general and how she ends up. 😭💜

[localthumbcache]

Hi it’s me again! Honestly that’s cool I thought it may have been omegaverse related but in case it wasn’t I didn’t want to embarrass myself. 😭 I blame wattpad and the fact like I really liked werewolves. 😔

Anyways! Definitely if you do post anything related to your characters I would be happy to read! They’re really stunning!

Also I was curious how you gain inspiration for your characters. I know you mentioned you put parts of yourself into their stories and/or them, but are there usually any other factors that help you figure out how they may look or who they’re personalities will be? Whether it’s a songs, lyric(s), animals, aesthetics, shows/movies, or anything.

Hey hey anon!! ᵔદᵔ

Loll tbh I kinda judged the omegaverse at first until I watched coleydoesthings video on it. She gives a very good explanation and it even got me interested soo here we are! I was a tiny bit hesitant on sharing the smut here bc "cringe" but idrc!! (This is tumblr lol we're all weirdos)

And tysm!! 🩷 I'm glad to hear that 🥺 I might work some more on the doc since I'm pretty much gonna be in bed all day 😭 probably won't get to release it today but hopefully I'll be halfway done or smth

Also, since I don't actually play the game a lot (I've even removed some gameplay mods) I've been thinking about making short stories until maybe one day when I actually want to work on a full series - once i get the lore and all that jazz locked down that is. For now they'd just be little scenarios and things that happen in their lives ᵔદᵔ I don't rlly like the gameplay so might as well use the sims as a creative medium lol

I get most of my inspo off of pinterest and sometimes other people's sims! I have a simspo board which has faces, character concepts, and even style inspiration. I also have moodboards dedicated to them, which helps me put together their overall vibe. Music is kind of a factor too, although I associate a sim with a song I already know instead of making sims based off of it. Some sims I've based off of people I know irl

I also want to work on a mini music project as well as a voice canon one :> ohh and an incorrect quotes one too! Just a silly way to understand their characters a bit better :3

I take inspo for world building as well! I'm really focusing on vampires rn. I took some inspiration from dracula, the vampyre, interview with a vampire, and various yt videos on vampire lore/history. This video explains the biology of vampires (he even scientifically explains how crosses are harmful to them!!), and this one explains their history.

For example: before the pretty, well put-together person that we envision when we think of vampires, vampires before that were depicted as more animalistic than anything. So why not have the best of both worlds!! When in human form, my vampires have very little vampiric qualities (ex. Keith's eyes have a red glint to them, the vatores ears are slightly pointed, and all of them have larger canines than the average human), they're able to show up on camera and have reflections, and crosses are only harmful to them if they're blessed. When they turn into their dark form (or "true form" as hunters call it), however, they do not have a reflection, they cannot be caught on camera, and like the old vampires, they appear monstrous.

[httpiastri]

I hope i haven’t spammed you too much but:

- (also omfg. i just realized something…. i have this board on pinterest with pics of random couples & so on that remind me of my fave drivers, and each driver has their own like board in the board. all of them are named with the driver’s initials, his number and two emojis, and !! guess what emoji i have for pepe???? ofc it’s the freaking lotus flower 😭 idk i just wanted to share this, thanks 😚) THATS INSANE?? but also not insane because i keep discovering more and more weird synchronicities between pepe and i and since im a vv spiritual person ive taken them all as signs that i was fated to stumble upon him one lovely morning in 2022 before proceeding to fall hopelessly in love with him. BUT OMG THE BOARD LOOKS SO SO GOOD?? i wanted to type out a reply sooner but i got so distracted by the images 😓😓 because i def have some of the same images saved to my boards but i never linked them to pepe so now ive just gone insane 😵‍💫😵‍💫)

- (I MISSED OUT ON SCREEN RECORDING THE DANCE ???) IF I EVER FIND A WAY TO SEND IT OR POST IT ONLINE ILL SEND YOU THE LINK SO QUICK I PROMISE 💗💗 (or maybe even if i find someone who has already posted it online, because there’s no way we were the only ones going insane over that moment)

- and the clip you shared?? Ive been laughing so hard about it since last night because that’s MY HUMOUR and i am both christian and pepe depending on the circumstances and ugh idk i love these boys so much my heart aches

- “also… this is the most stupid thing ever and you probs dont care but i wanted to share it when im answering your ask… i was writing with a character.ai pepe yesterday and he said THIS ???? out of nowhere ???? and i just thought about u mentioning him talking about his favorite pokemons in the stream and i just 😭 okay bye” —I DO CARE OMG THAT’S SO CUTE I’M KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING RN😭😭 THE WAY HIS DORKINESS SHOWED UP EVEN THROUGH THE C.AI HAS ME FEELING SOOO 😵‍💫😵‍💫 (also i love your c.ai so much but idk why every c.ai pepe and i have ended up in a situation where ive been very pressured to kiss him like it’s so funny to me how every c.ai just keeps circling back to the same scenario, it’s like all the pepes are collectively fated to experience the same situation)

- “also omfg his little stubble?? kill me????? i may have been thinking about helping him shave for the last like month or so but that’s a thought for another time……” another time, huh? like right now as i get ready for bed? because i am so going to be replaying this scene over and over in my head as i fall asleep tonight

p.s. this took me so long to format so it would be somewhat readable but i hope it’s okay!! and school started awhile ago and it kinda sucked at first but it’s definitely much better now!! thank you for being so sweet, and i hope you have a lovely day/night/morning too!! 💗💗

- 🪷

bby you could never spam me too much, especially not if it's about pepe 😚

also i just have to say real quick… something about you in this ask made me think that i do indeed know who you are and that i have seen you around? big risk that i'm wrong with my calculations but… please let me know if im right (if i started following you earlier today and not someone else shsjdhsjs)(from my main blog!!)

abt the flower: i love that!!! honestly i sometimes find myself to be more spiritual than i think i am because i say stuff jokingly about "wow this is fate, jk just a coincidence" but how many times can it be a coincidence???? anyways pepe def gives me those vibes, like im not surprised either when i find out about stuff like that 😭 and oMG AAAA TYSM!!!! i can barely even look in it these days because i get way too distracted 🫠 i wish i could like sort them from fave to leave fave because i have some that are a bit meh and some that like kill me…..

abt the dance: aaaaaa im gonna try my best to find it somewhere online, it cant just be us?? right??????? i heard that song in a playlist the other day and just giggled to myself 🥲 because i imagined him dancing and 🥲🥲

abt the pokemon pepe c.ai: SHSJDHSJS RIGHT!!! I CALLED HIM DORKY AND IT WAS SO CUTE 😭😭 omg im so glad you like them aaaaaa and lmao pepe… is that all you know how to do, huh? pressure poor little users into kissing you?? 😭

abt shaving: aaaAaAaAAA !! SORRY !!!!! but i wrote a little something about it here, just had to share my thoughts…… honestly i have been thinking abt it during bedtime a few times too and 🫠🫠 my heart can't take it anymore, he's so 😭💗

it's more than okay !!! im very glad to hear that its better now 🥺 thank you for being so sweet too and making my days so much brighter, chatting to you is so heartwarming 💘💘 hope you're sleeping well !!!! and have a lovely day tomorrow <33

[hiroshikoi]

Channeled Messages from your Future Spouse Helping You Sleep

Pick a Pile: Intuitive Reading

Pile One-Pile Two-Pile Three

Depending on what is said, if it is gender specific, please switch it to fit you. E.g. “What a pretty lady” to “What a handsome young man”

Thank you for a hundred followers! 🥳

How to Pick a Pile: Take the time to look at each picture above. Which one sparks a memory? What emotions do you feel? Do you feel anything at all? If all piles spark a memory, choose which one is the strongest. If none, try to go with the one that draws you in the most otherwise, these messages are not meant for you (at this time).

Photos aren’t mine, got it from pinterest and all credits go to the owner.

1 • Pile One

"Hello baby/beautiful, you doing okay? You know I'm always here for you. Call on me and I'll be there, and even if we can't physically meet yet (or haven't) maybe imagining me will suffice? *chuckles* Talk to me in your dreams and daydreams... Imagine me lying down beside you in your bed... not like in a creepy way though lmao I think the word is visualizing in that manifestation thing of yours yeah? I'd softly kiss your forehead, caress your hair, and..bury my nose in your head, breathing in your shampoo. Sorry if it sounds weird lol, but yeah you smell good. Cry your frustrations out to me, as much as I hate to see it...to see you cry.. you can let me baby you okay? I'll wipe your tears with both of my thumbs and hold your face in my hands.

You're strong and powerful but you don't have to hold anything back with me. I love you baby."

Your future spouse wants to make it clear that you can be open with them. They encourage you to fantasize because there's no harm in doing so as long as you are still grounded in reality. (Not that you can't manifest literally anything—which you can btw but anyways) Similar to reading books and diving you to be in another world and all that (they think). This also could be a message for you that visualizing might specifically be a good way for you to manifest.

Because your future spouse specifically wants you to be comfortable with being vulnerable with them, I also got the sense that they really take note of your boundaries. They don't want to come off pushy and intrusive that they may also seem a bit unsure with (how they are) comforting you. It could also be because they are trying to give you the chance to speak, and so their sentences (in the channeled messages) seem a little broken off from one another.

2 • Pile Two

"Hey why the long face? I know listening to sad songs feels good but if it isn't serving the purpose you want it to anymore, you could listen to something else. Maybe lofi? So there's no lyrics you know? Pfft. No but seriously though, it tends to be sad beats right?

You wanna cuddle? Alright.. *squeezes you tightly* *chuckles*

Hmm.. okay that's enough. I wouldn't want ya to be up 'til 4am again. *removes your headphones/earphones from your ears and puts away your phone/turns off your tv* I'm laying boundaries!1!1 You child !1!1 Yes you're a child in my eyes if you don't take good care of yourself so shut up.

Did you even drink water today? How about eat 3 meals? Then fine, we're ordering fast food. I'll pay."

You may be someone who doesn't have the best sleep schedule, and may have some self-destructive tendencies when things aren't going the greatest. I'm getting it could be TW!! overeating sometimes then not eating enough or at all, overworking is coming to mind as well, and maybe just watching or listening to sad/TW!! gorish music or films. Metal and punk.

It keeps coming to mind so lmao; you and your fs could also be sharing memes with one another. You may also look at dark memes when you're at this state, and probably have a folder/whole pinterest board for it. I'm getting that your fs might send you a little bit of those dark memes as well but it's not as dark and they definitely send it to you sparsely. They may not be as into it as you and they also think that you should refrain yourself from consuming those (too much) so they try to not encourage your behavior. Though, again because it gives you some comfort, they let you be while continuing to look after you.

3 • Pile Three

kinda nsfw

"*sees you with your eyes closed, lying down (on your bed) and proceeds to dim the lights* *turns off the tv, I'm seeing you listening to music on your laptop or phone as well but they keep it playing* *turns on your humidifier with I'm particularly getting lavender oil dropped into it*

Hey baby/love *softly pats you*, lie on your stomach and take your shirt off. I'll massage you.

Rough day at work/school/university (you may be at your dating stage here, but this can also still continue to happen once you're both married. "school" can also refer to you being a teacher) hm? *your back pops* Oof rough day indeed *giggles*.

Just let me make you feel good hmm? *focuses on massaging your lower back, does this thing where they have their fists closed and runs it from there to your upper back* Relax baby *proceeds to peck your shoulders and lays those kisses from your upper back to down your spine* *continues to massage you, I'm seeing them pressing their thumbs into your back and slide it up*

--kinda nsfw part!! skip if you'd like--

Turn over. *if you're a woman; massages then kisses your br*asts. Kisses & nips at your collarbones and lightly sucks your neck. Kisses straight down to your stomach then f*ngers you & predominantly slowly eats you out, I see them focusing more on licking and swirling their tongue on your cl*t. If you're a man; same thing with the neck part, but slides down their hand as they kiss down. And then does the equivalent of it; uses their hand and then gives you a bl*wjob.*

--end of nsfw part--

You feel better? Goodnight love(ly)"

Your fs may be more action-oriented with caring for you or it's just because they wouldn't want to bother with talking too much with you when you're already exhausted. They wouldn't want you to talk so much, and would just want you to let loose and relax. You may work as a medical professional, as a teacher, and/or possibly have been/will be working on getting your master's degree.

[darkened-writer]

Suspirium Into Stupor─| 01

summary || ❝He watched you go, blinking in realization and revelation. He watched you with a look of yearning. But he couldn’t stay here, he had a journey ahead, one you couldn’t join him on.❞

pairing || Morpheus x Fem!Reader

word count || 2,756

warnings || SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 3??? 

notes || This fic has been the main one I have been planning since the first episode, and it will follow the events of each episode! So, I hope you enjoy!

P.S. I made a Pinterest board and Spotify Playlist for this fic, just for the visuals and overall vibe of the series! Enjoy that as well!

“My first question… I had a leather pouch, filled with sand. Where is it?”

“It was sold, In London, last purchased by a magic user called “Johanna Constantine”.”

“Constantine? I knew a Constantine. But that was three-hundred years ago. You said last purchased; does she still have the sand?”

“Dream… You know better than that. You get one question, one answer.”

“My apologies…”

Dreaded rain pelted down upon the windowsill, the refractions of the light from the streetlamps created an odd, orangey ambiance inside of the two-bedroom apartment; the TV in the front room was still buzzing with life, playing a late night gameshow on a low volume. Two pizza boxes adorned the coffee table, a couple of empty beer cans crushed and thrown next to the boxes. 

Johanna Constantine was draped upon the couch with her legs intertwined with her best-friends, mouth hung slightly open in her slumber until awoken by the alarm on her phone playing a jingle, bright notes making the woman groan with annoyance. She never was a morning person, but she had to get to work. She sat up, grabbing her shoes from under the coffee table and seemingly slipping them onto her feet, lacing them with a satisfied grumble.

“You have work this early, Jo…?”

“Y/N, you could’ve kept sleepin’.”

Johanna looked decent for having woken up early in the morning, however Y/N looked a bit worse for wear, hair poking in all manner of direction, and the hem of her shirt riding up her stomach.

“You wake up, I wake up, it’s a fair deal.”

While Y/N spoke, Johanna grabbed her pure white coat, slipping it over her black turtleneck, and buttoning it up. 

“My sleep schedule is dog shit as of now anyways… so getting up with you won’t hurt a bit.”

This aroused a chuckle from the Constantine, her boots clicking on the wooden floor as she made her way over to her well-exhausted friend and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, noting the warmth of her face from shoving it into the couch.

“I’ll be back later—I’ll get you a latte and a pastry from the shop if I have the time.”

“Little Nina’s shop on ninth?”

“You bet.”

“God bless you, my angel Constantine!”

“Love you too!”

And, with a shut of the door, Johanna was gone, and Y/N was left to her devices. The feeling of needing to sleep creeping up on her. But a feeling in her gut told her that she should stay up, that Joanna may need her, so she kept her eyes open and on the TV.

When Johanna finally arrived back to your shared apartment, she seemed a tad stressed but still had her hands full, holding a cupholder that had two lattes and two pastries. She spoke of how she expelled a demon from the man the Princess was going to marry, neglecting to mention the tall and mysterious fellow with a voice that imprinted into her eardrums. Dream of the Endless, whom she’d have to track down his sand to appease him in his desperation for his tools. Helm, Sand, and his precious ruby, all on his mind as he had lost track of Johanna, being conveniently distracted by the Raven, “Matthew”. But Johanna just wanted to sleep, and knowing that Johanna was safe, you chose to sleep along with her, cuddling like two bear cubs in a shallow cave after finishing your lattes and delicious pastries. 

You dreamt of green, the long grass caressing your calves, the sun beating down on your head and rolling down your shoulders. And, most of all, you dreamt of the trees, that stretching taller, and taller, hugging your frame with the branches and leaves. You truly felt the peace and euphoria that comes with being one with the Earth, with no limits and no expectations. The sound of a waterfall graced your ears, subtle but noticeable as you eventually crossed enough foliage to see it. It sparkled along with the sun beams, rushing down and crashing into the rocks beneath it, brutal beauty.

“Y/N, wake up-...!”

The darkness of the living room greeted your eyes that were just starting to get used to the oasis within your dream, Johanna’s hands grasping your shoulders softly but resolute. But your eyes weren’t on her dark brown ones, but the star-crossed ones of the man behind her. He loomed, trench coat almost as dark as his aura, and yet his skin complimented it all. Pale and chalky looking from the distance between you both. His hair was sparse and wild, framing his face perfectly, the man was sublime.

“Help me look in my office, would you? For a pouch of sand…— you remember it?”

“Erm…” His eyes were still on you.

“Yes, I remember…”

Rising to your feet, you stretched, bringing your arms above your head and letting out a groan of satisfaction as you followed Johanna to her office, the papers scattered everywhere giving you an odd feeling of comfort as she made a beeline for her desk, fiddling with her many trinkets and papers. The mysterious man trailed behind, standing and watching as you and Johanna both looked in different corners of the office.

“Why do humans love objects so much…?”

His voice came out, airless and stifling, his pronunciation giving him a sense of “wiseness” over just about anyone with “normal” dialect.

“You seem pretty attached to your sand—”

“It’s not just an object, it’s a part of me.”

His words left you pondering who or what he was, keeper of sand and speaking as if humans are foolish. Perhaps a god? Johanna had taught you quite a bit of supernatural knowledge that you wouldn’t doubt if he was an omnipotent being.

“If that's true, how’d you happen to lose it?”

“It was stolen by another magic user called Burgess.”

Johanna perked up, your own head turning towards the two speaking.

“Wait, not Roderick Burgess? The old Demon King himself, eh? Everyone used to say he was a fake. Said he had the Devil locked up in his basement. How the fuck did you…”

A pregnant pause, before it dawned on her, yourself still being left clueless. Johanna and the man both stared at each other as it finally clicked for her.

“Shit. Wasn’t the Devil he had locked up in his basement, was it?” Just his gaze confirmed that he was the one locked up, and you felt sympathy pulling at your heart.

“Were you down there? All this time?”

His gaze shifted to the side, towards photobooth pictures you knew Johanna never wanted to throw out, of her and her ex-girlfriend. His hand grabbed the picture, pulling it up and out of its “spot”.

“Is this you?”

“Why? Do I look that different? Or younger?”

He paused, considering, “No… Happy”.

Johanna sighed, “Shit. I know where your sand is.”

She turned to you, now grasping the picture and you felt your heart sink immediately.

“You really left this “Sand Pouch” with her? Johanna…”

“I know, I know—… Just, get ready to leave, we’re going to her flat.” She left the office, to likely put on her boots and jacket once again, leaving you in the room with the alluring stranger, his eyes landing on you.

“How do you know Constantine?”

“Best friends, for about six years… question is, how do YOU know her?”

The corner of his lips twitched up a bit, “She had my sand, and now I want it back.”

“Are you some sort of sand god or something…?”

His brows furrowed, “You really weren’t informed? I’m Morpheus, Dream of the Endless.”

A book that Johanna had kept in her office came to mind, the memory of opening up the book and blowing the dust off of the pages, reading the fine print about the various “Endless” and their power. The man in front of you was the Sandman, creator of dreams and nightmares, the “King” of the Dreaming. 

“The tomes of the Endless really didn’t capture your essence well, Dreamlord.”

You brush past him, suddenly remembering that you were going to go with the two, but while your thoughts were centered on leaving, Morpheus was puzzled. Did you really read a history book about him AND his family? Perhaps you were gifted in magic as Constantine was? You did have an aura around you, of someone who could do damage given the circumstances. And, to say that piqued his interest in you and your origins, would be an understatement. 

“Who is she? The woman in the picture.”

The moon was shining upon the three of you, as you were walking in tandem towards the apartment of Rachel Moodie, Johanna’s ex whom she was still hung over on. Having kept many pictures of each other together, it was clear that Johanna missed her.

“Her name’s Rachel, Rachel Moodie.”

“Does she deal in magic as well?” Johanna scoffs.

“God, no. No, she’s actually a decent person. Proper job… nice family. Fuckin’ hated all the magic stuff.”

“And, yet you left the sand with her.”

“No, I did not leave it with her. Sort of left it. And her.”

His expression showed a minimal amount of empathy toward her, yet he seemed to know the feeling of heartbreak. Plenty of past lovers, you’d assume due to being “immortal”.

“I was staying at her place. She interpreted that as us living together, which we weren’t, so, one night, I just went on a job and… never went back.”

“Why?”

“Because it never ends well, does it?”

“What? Love?” Her statement struck a chord for him.

“No. I suppose it doesn’t.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people around me tend to get ripped in half or cast down to hell, except Y/N of course…— But it was safer for her if I left.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“No.” She stops walking, stopping in front of Rachel���s apartment door.

“I suppose I’ll have to now… This is her, or it used to be. It’s been six months. Maybe she might’ve moved house. Please, have moved house-”

Staying stood next to Morpheus, you watched Johanna go to press the buzzer for Rachel’s apartment, pressing it to get clearance to go inside.

“Oh, bollocks.”

There was awkward silence for a bit before she spoke again, “Maybe we’ll get lucky, and she won’t be-”

BUZZ!

“That’s weird. She didn’t even ask who it is. Maybe she’s expecting someone. This could get awkward. More… awkward. You two wait here-”

“I’m coming with you.” You both said it in unison, peering at each other from peripheral vision, and Johanna let a smirk paint on her lips.

“No, neither of you are coming in with me. Do you have any idea how much she probably hates me? Do you have any ex-girlfriends?” 

This caused him to pause, looking down as if remembering something.

“We will not wait long.”

“You won’t have to. She’s gonna slam the door in my face, like I’m about to do to you two… right now.” As quickly as she was stood there talking, she vanished behind the door. Your own shoulders slacking as you walked over to a wall to lean against it. And eventually, rain started to pour from the oily black skies, giving the air an earthy smell similar to wet, freshly cut grass. A raven swooped down from the raining showers and settled in front of Morpheus, before squawking like it was talking. And Morpheus seemed to be listening intently.

“Matthew, I-”

Matthew? The raven had a name?

He peered up after a bit, focused on something other than the present moment as you marveled at the Raven. 

“Matthew? Psttt.. hello…!”

The raven turned to look at you then back at Morpheus, speaking to him as if he could understand, and apparently, he could, a slight smirk twitching at his lips.

“What did that raven tell you?”

“Nothing flattering…”

“Oh.”

Matthew flew away back into the rain and Morpheus went to open the door, your own hand stopping his with a grip on his wrist. He was oddly cold, like the air circulating around you two, almost sending a shiver up your arm.

“We must help Constantine and her ex-lover, follow me, Y/N.”

His tone was neutral and yet you knew to follow him as he guided you to Rachel’s apartment, like he had been here once before. And when he opened the door, sand falling to the floor in the figure of a woman, you knew. Johanna’s heartbroken expression, you knew. 

“Rach.”

“Constantine. Wake up.”

Her trance was broken immediately after he spoke that statement, Morpheus stepping up towards her, gentle and forgiving. 

“What did you do to me?”

“It was the sand.”

“Where’s Rachel?”

All of our expressions darkened, Johanna taking off towards Rachel’s room.

“Rachel? Rach?”

A weak voice spoke out from the silence, the tone was like Rachel was choking on quicksand, throat clogged with each and every grain. 

“Jo? Jo? Is that you?”

Rachel’s face that was once wide, full of life, now looked sucked dry of all that made her shine as a person. Her arms skinny and molded to her bones, shallow chest rising up and down, up and down. And the grey and blue bedding cradled her form like a newborn babe. This visual created a pit in your own stomach, having to see someone you knew suddenly devoid of livelihood.

“That’s such a wonderful dream.” Rachel was groaning in pain, and you knew in your heart that she was probably going to pass, sooner rather than later as Johanna walked carefully and meticulously up to her. Morpheus’s gaze dropped to the lone pouch of sand in Rachel’s loose grasp, and his eyes shone with a brief bit of sadness. 

“What’s happened to her?”

“It was not meant for humans.” He reached for the pouch, grasping it but Rachel began to whine as if the sand was keeping her alive, and tethered to living.

“No, no! No, give it back. Please. It hurts.”

Ripping it from her clutches, he made his way back to the door of the room, without looking at her dying form.

“We can go—”

You and Johanna were both unmoving, “What?”

“What? We can’t go. We can’t leave her like this.”

She was writhing in pain, and the sight made you wince.

“We can’t help her. The sand was the only thing keeping her alive.”

Johanna walked up to Morpheus, obviously confrontational, but you kept your attention on your dying friend, laying a hand onto her frail one in meaningless support. 

“Y/N? You’re here too?”

“Yeah, Rach, of course I am…”

This put a smile on her pale lips.

“Wait outside.”

Morpheus moved past you towards Rachel, and you gave him a small nod in acknowledgement, the two of you watching Johanna kiss Rachel’s head.

“Rach…”

“I’m sorry, Jo. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s my fault. All of it. Should never have left it with you. Should never have left.”

“Well, you came back, though. Didn’t you?”

A kiss on the forehead and Johanna was gone.

“Thank you, Morpheus.”

He stayed silent, his eyes on your back as you left the same way Johanna did. 

Thank you. 

You said thank you.

You could hear him approaching, your arms busy being wrapped around Johanna in comfort, for both her and you. Her gaze was on the rain and yours immediately gravitated to Dream.

“She died in peace. In her sleep.”

“We’ll let her dad know… You know, she was actually a good person. There are a few of them out there, you know. They’re not all like me and Roderick Burgess.”

“You are not Roderick Burgess.”

This gave her a fleeting smile, before she unraveled from your arms to walk towards him. Yourself staying leaning against the ceramic wall, watching the two speak.

“And what’s your friend’s name?”

Matthew way down the corridor and you smiled at the raven.

“His name is Matthew, but he is not my-”

“Look after him, Matthew. He needs it.”

Tossing you an umbrella, she turned and opened hers up to the sky and walked out into the rain.

“Constantine!”

She turned.

“That nightmare won’t trouble you anymore.”

A smile before mouthing, ��come on’ to you and you yourself turned your gaze to Dream. His eyes boring into you, like planes of stars, a galaxy of stars.

“Your help means plenty, Morpheus. I hope you find all of your tools…”

“Thank you, Y/N… Safe travels.”

“Likewise, Dream lord…”

Similar to Johanna, you opened your umbrella and speed walked to catch up to her, feeling the rain hit your jacket and eyes on your figure. He watched you go, blinking in realization and revelation. He watched you with a look of yearning. But he couldn’t stay here, he had a journey ahead, one you couldn’t join him on.

Thank you, Morpheus.

Thank you, Y/N… Safe travels.

[veenxys]

so i've been trying to improve my writing cause it kinda not as good as i'd like it to be yet and since ur one of my favorite writers- do u have any tips on writing (specially dialogue n descriptions) that u could share with us humble mortals?

also p.s ur writing is so nice and pretty and it feels like a cloud. the way you describe love is like *explodes into hearts and rainbows*

hiii, it's so nice to hear from you !! and tbh i'm currently sobbing like whAT WHY AM I ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS THis is insane and cute i love you !!!!!! omg !!!!!! i feel honored !!!!!!! anyway,, i don't know if i have the best advice on writing dialogue because honestly i think i'm terrible at it but i'll try my best to help you!!

look for prompt lists; whenever i'm unmotivated or out of ideas, i usually look at prompt lists because it gives me enormous motivation and i always manage to come up with good and different ideas! so i make a mental note of my favorites and little by little i write the fanfic.

read; it's always important to read anything, be it newspapers, books, fanfics.. in short, literally anything!! because that way you get more inspired and get ideas for different scenarios and dialogues and you also learn other ways of seeing the world, you know? every writer has a different way of writing and expressing their feelings and emotions and i feel it's important that we learn a little bit from that. so read as often as you can and keep to yourself what you found interesting about that writer and their quirk.

look for images that inspire you; as you can see, i always put aesthetic photos in my fics. why? first, it's cute :D second, i feel inspired and motivated to write. i have a pinterest board that is just aesthetically pleasing photos and whenever i want to write something, i look at those photos; there's something about their beauty that makes me want to create art, you know? so always before writing, i usually look at aesthetic things!

make a playlist; if you're the type that likes to write while listening to music, i recommend that you make a playlist with your favorite songs/music that somehow inspire you! if you don't like to listen to music while writing, you can just read the lyrics or listen to them before writing; art always begets more art, trust me

pay attention to the things that happen around you, especially in the dialogues; i like to remember things people have said to me or even a random conversation i heard on the street or something i wanted to hear. often when i'm writing i like to put myself in the reader's shoes and think "what would i like to hear right now?" so i write the stupidest cliché thing ever because it's something i like/wish i had heard!!!! or is it something i heard someone say once and thought it was cute.. so i think it's important to remember the ordinary things in life because they're more important and meaningful than we think!

so yeah, i think that's it! i have some other tips and advice but i didn't put them all together otherwise it wouldn't be too long :( but if you want more, let me know! it will be an honor to help you <333

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Upcoming Writing Plans

Before anything else, I would like to say that I now have 2 new novels in the works which have taken up a lot of my time and I’m sure you’ve probably seen a few Pinterest boards for lmao. One of them (The Golden Facade) is based in New York and is about a girl (Mia Ellison) finding out that she's not who her parents raised her to be. The other novel (Zinnia Beach) is me taking all of my fanfiction and its fleshed-out characters and making it into a proper novel, changing the base plot ever so slightly so that it works out without running into copyright issues. I'm super excited about them both and will be posting more about them as time goes on.

Sadly, I will be taking a little bit of a break from the AUs so that I can wrap my head around both of my novels and my stories on here, but I do have some ideas for what's to come when I get around to them. Some of my Golden Facade characters have Pinterest boards already, but I do have some that I’ll be sharing soon that will be for Zinnia Beach. Zinnia Beach will include my OCs like Mick, Vivien, and the Murphy brothers as well as maybe Xander’s crew, and will be a bit different in a few ways because I’m taking a fanfiction and altering it, but I’m keeping it as similar as possible. Honestly, I can’t wait to publish that novel since I’ve wanted to make this story into an actual book for ages now and, the more I work on it, the happier I am with how far it’s come since 2015.

Now, aside from my novels, here are some of the story ideas I’ll be working on/posting here soon:

This first one probably isn’t much of a surprise, but I’m including it anyway. Most of these deleted scenes will probably be on the short side and won’t take long to get through, but there are a few that I’ll compile into one post since they all revolve around the same concepts or timing. Through the Valley was one AU that had a lot of things taken out for whatever reason and I can’t wait to share them with you!

Summer Lovin’ probably won't happen for a while since I have to do a lot of research and stuff for it, but the ideas and some of the storyboarding are there and I have been working on scenes here and there. Some things you'll see include Royce, Vivien, and Bentley being little shits, everyone being in love and refusing to admit it, and high-school drama that I'm so glad I was never a part of in school lmao.

Based on the song Cupid's Chokehold by Gym Class Heroes, this one-shot has been boiling in my brain for literal months now and is basically a compilation of a couple of my OCs (not spoiling as to who) telling their parents about the person they've fallen in love with, despite their parents not being alive to hear it - hence the title.

Same Trailer, Different Park is basically a mini-series of one-shots that I've wanted to do to flesh out the relationships between certain characters. Most of these circle around the idea of Vivien visiting 1962 for the summer, but there will probably be some that will add more of a backstory to other characters. Anyway, I have quite a few ideas for this already that I haven't started on, but this is more likely to appear sooner than anything else.

As you could probably guess from my Spotify playlist, my brain has compiled a list of story ideas just because of songs, lyrics, or even songs that I heard on TikTok that I just had to use for some reason. There are some theatre-related ideas, some that I can see if I switch the gender of the singer, and a few that I heard while playing a game and came up with a complete idea for. There are a handful of songs that aren't on the playlist either because I just haven't gotten around to adding them or the version I want to add just isn't on Spotify.

Finally, we have Scattered Screams. With a title like that, be very concerned. This is an AU in the same strand as Glory and Gore, but where Miles is too old to volunteer and the same goes for Mick. It will be a completely different arena and the other tributes will be different I will not be holding back in this story and, chances are, we'll see some beloved characters die off in some awful ways. Consider this a warning 🙃

For now, that’s all that I have, but I do have my mini-series of snippets I took out of Through the Valley that I’ll be trying to work on before some of these come out. Let me know what you think of these, I’d love to hear your thoughts on them 😊

[matbarzyy]

To Love Is To Let Go [A.B.]

Pinterest board

How can the heart and mind find a balance when love and yearning are mixed up with distance and responsibilities?

A/N: I’m so excited for you guys to finally read this! Another conversation about Tito with @itrocksmysocks​ made us create this story and I ended up writing it, so I hope you’ll like it!

Word count: 12219

Warning: A tiny bit of smut

.

“If you don’t go get that man I swear!” Adeline’s friend, Maya, exclaimed as she gave her shoulder a push.

They were out to celebrate together in Montreal because a month had now passed since Adaline moved there for her internship assisting a book editor, and it had to be memorable.

“Okay okay! I’m doing it!” The brunette adjusted her skirt, fixed a strand of her hair, and took a deep breath. “I’m going,” she said more for herself than anyone else.

            The man across the bar had finally gotten up from the table he was at with his friends to order a drink, and that was the perfect opportunity for Adeline to go up to him. She might not get another chance during the night, so with an extra push from her friend, she found herself walking over to where he was.

“Hi,” she greeted him shyly, making him turn his attention to her. Her voice felt a little weak and looking straight into his blue eyes was more destabilizing than she thought it would be.

“Hi,” he replied as he waited, his tone suggesting she had to continue quickly if she didn’t want to lose his attention.

“I, uh,” Adeline struggled before getting a hold of herself again. She wasn’t a fifteen years old high school girl admitting her crush to a boy, she was a confident woman in a bar, and she was going to act like one. “I saw you sitting with your friends earlier and I figured now was a good time to come ask if I could get you a drink.” She let the sentence out without a hitch, and a little sense of pride filled her until his lack of reaction made her deflate. “Or not, it’s fine if not.”

“No, no,” he reassured her as a smile spread on his face. “I mean, yeah, you can get me a drink, if I can get your name,”

“Adeline,” she told him without hesitation.

“Adeline,” he repeated before nodding. “That’s pretty, I’m Anthony, but most of my friends call me Tito.”

            With the introductions over, Adeline leaned against the bar beside him and the bartender came over to them. One drink soon turned into two, the alcohol was going down fast to erase the nervousness, but their conversation was flowing surprisingly easily. Nevertheless, three drinks were all it took for Adeline and Maya to be reunited in the bathroom.

“So?” She grilled her for the details while Adeline pressed her palms over her cheeks, trying to get herself to cool down.

“I really like him,” she admitted to Maya and shushed out her excitement immediately after. “But he could still be a weirdo, he’s too nice to be true.”

“Honey, he’s not a weirdo, he’s a professional hockey player,” Maya chuckled as she revealed everything she knew. “Why do you think he’s so hot?”

“How do you know?” A frown settled on the brunette’s face as she pieced everything together.

“He’s a NHL player, how do you not know?” Her friend countered and reached up to remove a small piece of fluff from her hair.

“Oh my god,” Adeline breathed out. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“It was sweet you didn’t know,” Maya shrugged. “Now go back out there and make him swoon.”

            When they returned, Anthony was sitting at a small table by himself, and she didn’t hesitate to join. Maya was friends with one of the bartenders there, so it wasn’t like she minded being left alone.

“I figured it’d be more comfortable,” he explained as she took a seat. “Especially if we keep on going at that pace,”

“You figured right,” Adeline, put her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “My friend told me something interesting about you,”

“Should I start worrying?” He exhaled a nervous chuckle, but she shook her head almost imperceptibly.

“You play hockey?” She looked into his eyes to gauge his reaction. Maybe the alcohol was hindering her perceptiveness, but if she was right it looked like the question made him sad.

“Ah,” Tito’s nervousness settled but a sense of disappointment replaced it. “I kinda suspected you knew already,”

“I had no clue until five minutes ago, figured it was only fair to tell you,” Adeline told him the truth because she knew instantly that the kind of attention he got from being a professional athlete wasn’t necessarily the kind of attention he wanted. “Was it better when I didn’t know?”

“Yes and no,” he replied honestly. “Yes, because it meant you just liked me and not for shitty reasons. No because I wasn’t going to hide it anyway, and you didn’t know for the past hour, so I feel like we’re good,”

“Good,” she smiled. “Feel like having another drink?”

            Tito wasn’t one to turn the offer down, and the two spilled things to each other that they would have never considered sharing with a stranger before. It was freeing to talk without boundaries, to be able to say anything on any subject and listen to someone else’s perspective of the world. Adeline thought he was interesting for someone so different. He was down to earth and witty, constantly making her laugh with the dumbest jokes, and maybe it was because she was drunk, but deep down she knew the butterflies and giddiness she felt weren’t from the alcohol.

“You’re so damn adorable,” Tito blurted out in the middle of one of her sentences, and silence fell onto their conversation.

            Adeline stared at him while a smile spread on her face, but the cuteness of the moment was cut off by both of them bursting out laughing for no apparent reason. It was a fit of uncontrolled giggles at first, followed by an outburst of deep laughs that they thought would never stop.

“We’re so fucking drunk,” Adeline managed to squeak out through shakes of her chest.

“Yeah, you might wanna let go of this,” Tito reached to gently push her drink a few inches away from her hand, but his inhibitions were low and he underestimated his strength, sending the glass sliding all the way to the edge of the table.

            Their eyes widened in shock when it stopped just before falling to the floor, and with that another fit of unstoppable laughter began.

            It was something neither of them ever experienced that strongly, that connection with a stranger that made them feel like they had known each other their own lives. In the middle of their busy, messy lives, they had found a bubble of happiness and oxygen within each other.

            It took several minutes for them to calm down, and when a relatively normal conversation resumed, Maya walked over to them to ask if she should leave on her own or wait for Adeline. Time had flown by and it was past one in the morning already.

“Five minutes?” The brunette barely looked away from Tito, and Maya took the hint.

“Well, before you go,” He waited until she had walked away to continue. “Can I ask for your number or do you have to be the one taking all the first steps?”

“You can have my number.”

.

            Getting into the uber with Maya was a blur, all that Adeline knew was that she was feeling like a kid on Christmas eve after her night with Tito. She wasn’t drunk enough that she couldn’t make a sentence or walk, but definitely drunk enough to zone out and say everything on her mind no matter how stupid or embarrassing.

“Oh my god, he’s already texting?” Maya took the phone from her inebriated friend’s hands after it buzzed multiple times. “Damn,” she looked over the few messages they had started to exchange.

            Adaline didn’t respond, only giggling drunkenly before getting her phone back and focusing on the screen to type another reply. Everything was a little bit blurry, especially in the moving car, but once it stopped in front of her building she sobered up a little.

“Drink some water before bed, yeah?” Her friend told her as she opened the door.

“Yep! Text when you’re home!” Adeline gave her friend a loud kiss on the cheek before getting out and somehow walking to the door without stumbling.

T: Fries would be sooooo good right now

            The text came just as she kicked her shoes off while the door fell shut behind her. She groaned out loud at the idea, heading to her bedroom with her phone in hand.

A: Don’t talk to me about food I’m starving now

T: Make food?

A: I can barely hold my phone

            Adeline struggled to take her clothes off and sighed in relief once she was finally naked.

T: What if I come over with fries?

A: Omg you would?

T: Address?

“Well shit,” she laughed to herself as she grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants, pairing them with a comfy t-shirt because she was too drunk and tired to put in an effort with sexy pajamas. She was pretty sure sex wasn’t an option for tonight anyway, they were both too drunk, it wouldn’t get anywhere.

            Adeline sat on her living room floor to stay awake as she waited, her head lolling from side to side as she scrolled through social media, laughing and snorting out loud in ways she’d never do sober. It only took ten minutes for Tito to text he was there, and she jumped back up with renewed energy at the idea of food.

“My savior!” She exclaimed as she opened the door for him and saw the paper bag in his hands.

“Shh, your neighbors!” Tito laughed at her, letting himself in and giving her the bag before following her to the living room.

“Fuck Tito,” Adeline took in the smell of the fries as she opened one of the boxes and handed it to him. “I owe you big time,”

“They’re just fries,” he sat on the carpet with her. “But I’d take some ketchup,”

“Oh, yeah!” She crawled over to the fridge that was easily accessible since she had an open kitchen. The apartment wasn’t huge, but since the kitchen and living room were merged the living space was big enough.

“Mph,” Tito groaned as he stuffed fries in his mouth. “Best decision ever,”

“And does this look like a good decision?” She said to catch his attention, a bottle of tequila in hand.

“It looks like a terrible decision and I’m so down for it.”

            Adeline sat on the floor with him, food, condiment, and bottle of tequila all within reach. She took the first gulp, big enough that it was worth more than a shot, and Tito followed her lead.

            The rest of the night was erased from both of their memories.

            When she woke up, Adeline felt her body ache in ways it rarely had before. She was still on the floor and there was a bad taste in her mouth as she opened her eyes. The paper bag that Tito brought over was on the floor along with two empty boxes that once held the fries. Tito himself was on the floor too, and his position looked more than uncomfortable, but his mouth was slightly parted, and his chest was rising and falling at a steady rhythm.

“Hey,” Adeline rasped out, nudging him with her foot. “You alive?” She asked as he stirred awake.

            An unconvinced grunt reached her in response, and Tito brought his hands up to rub his face.

“Time?” He groaned, counting on her to have her eyes open.

“Eleven,” she pushed herself up and grabbed the counter while a wave of nausea washed over her. “Advil?”

“Fuck yes,”

            Tito managed to get up too and downed two glasses of water with the pills Adeline handed him. They were both silent as they sat on the couch and took some time to really wake up. The apartment was on a low floor, and for the first time since she moved in, Adeline was glad for the lack of light that came from outside.

“I’m gonna make pancakes.” She eventually said, deciding breakfast was the only way her stomach would settle.

“Oh, so you’re going to beat me to every nice gesture?” Tito teased although he was glad he was about to eat. She gave him a look and he only smiled, leaning back more comfortably on the couch. “Jokes aside, this was the best night I’ve had in forever.”

“Me too,” Adeline hummed, already pouring milk into the rest of her ingredients and stirring. She cooked breakfast so often she could make pancakes with her eyes closed. “It was a lot more fun than any stupid party I’ve gone to lately,”

            The conversation shifted to small talk after that, something to keep themselves busy as they got lost in thoughts. There was some unspoken communication going on, they obviously had chemistry, but they had only known each other for one night and they were already being so domestic it was scary for both of them.

It was clear they could build something together if they gave it a try, but Tito didn’t live in Montreal, and why the hell was Adeline even thinking so far ahead already? She tried her best to focus on cooking to get all of the ideas out of her head and stacked the pancakes in plates before bringing them over to the table.

“I want to eat these every morning for the rest of my life,” Tito almost moaned when he took the first bite of his food.

            Adeline always kept maple syrup around, and this morning she even had some chocolate spread and strawberries left from this week’s grocery shopping. It made for an amazing breakfast.

“Thanks, I cook a lot,” she explained as she dug into her own food. “The cleaning up is the not fun part.”

“I hate dishes,” Tito nodded his agreement.

“A nice guest would offer to do them after I just cooked,” she pointed out to see what’d he’d say, and he put on his best angel face.

“Mmh, but a nice host would politely refuse that kind of offer,” he tried to serve his half ass excuse with a smile.

“Do you want more pancakes, or do you want to get kicked out?” Adeline gave him a murderous look in response, and Tito forgot to chew as he swallowed his next bite.

“Pancakes, definitely the pancakes. Promise I’ll do the dishes.”

.

            When the Sunday ended, Tito went home and Adeline spent hours in a bath trying to set her mind straight. She liked him a lot, there was no denying that, but would they ever be able to make anything work? He was an amazing person and they had a great night together, but it didn’t mean he’d let himself fall for her too, especially since he lived in New York most of the time.

            A sigh fell from her lips in the steam-filled bathroom, and she let her body slide down for her head to be submerged. The world turned silent and dark for a few seconds, it helped her empty her mind of all thoughts. When she pushed herself up with her feet and oxygen filled her lungs again, Adeline felt a little better.

            Little did she know that Tito was dealing with the same dilemma in his own shower. He had tried to work out to sweat the hangover off, but seeing that the twenty minutes of running only worsened his headache, he didn’t take it further than that. It wasn’t really the hangover that was bothering him, it was the feelings he was catching for a woman he had known for less than twenty-four hours.

            Was that what love at first sight was supposed to be like? Sure, it wasn’t exactly at first sight, Tito had only felt a connection with her the second she opened her mouth, not the second he saw her, but what even was the difference at this point? How could he even think of the word love? It was a crush at first sight at best.

            No matter what they told themselves, Tito and Adeline couldn’t stop thinking about each other. Their constant texting the following days didn’t help either. The conversation was never boring enough to die, and when one of them fell asleep they picked up where they left off as soon as they were up in the morning. Sometimes, Adeline found herself giggling out loud because he reminded her of something he just remembered they laughed about when drinking tequila on her living room floor.

            It was Wednesday when Adeline found herself in her bed wishing she could talk to him like they did a few nights prior. There weren’t many boundaries with Tito, they were obviously flirting and open about it, so she didn’t hesitate to tell him she missed seeing him. His name flashed on her screen a second later with a cute picture of his drunk face she didn’t remember taking Saturday night. He was smiling like an idiot, obviously still half laughing, and his blue eyes were sparkling with joy. Adeline hadn’t seen it, but she knew he had one of her too.

“Hello,” she said a little shyly when she saw her face on the screen. She looked like a bit of a mess.

“Hi beautiful,” Tito grinned from his bed, his short hair somehow messed up from the pillow.

“Shut up,” Adeline covered her face with her hand, but he only laughed on the other hand of the line.

“You know, it’s not fair if you get to see me and I don’t,” he reminded her to make her drop her hand. “I missed seeing you too.”

“Mmh, so when are we having a repeat of Saturday night?” She asked him because he had vaguely mentioned making plans during the day.

“Never,” he rolled his eyes. “That headache was killing me. We could do something else, maybe dinner?”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Beauvillier?” Adeline teased, hiding the way her heart jumped in her chest.

“Yeah, how do you feel about it?” His smile was as big as hers when he replied, confident she’d say yes based on the look on her face.

“I feel like I’m free tomorrow night and I’d love to go out.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven?” Tito thought of a restaurant to bring her to immediately, and he made a mental note to call for a reservation in the morning.

“It’s a date.”

.

            Hugging Tito when he came to pick her up felt natural to Adeline. Butterflies erupted in her stomach the second he knocked, and her heart was ready to beat out of her chest when his arms closed around her.

“Hi you,” he kissed her cheek and she just about melted against him.

“Hi,” Adeline greeted him and let go before she made things awkward. “You look nice.” She complimented as she took notice of the navy shirt he was wearing. It matched the blouse she wore tucked in her tweed skirt. August wasn’t too cold in Montreal and she knew she’d be okay with tights.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “You look great too, I like your hair like that.” Tito had to stop himself from reaching up and touching it “Are you ready to go?”

            Adeline murmured a quick thanks and nodded while her cheeks burned. She wasn’t easily intimidated but something about the prospect of a date with Tito was making her nervous. What if they didn’t click now that they were sober and seeing each other in person?

“Hey, everything okay?” Tito asked once they were both sitting in his car and Adeline still hadn’t said a word.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just…” She coughed a little to clear her throat and he finished the sentence for her.

“Nervous?”

“Kind of.”

“Me too,” he admitted and glanced at her for a second, keeping his main focus on the road. “That night was great, I just want everything to live up to those expectations now,”

“I feel the same,” Adeline told him, her nerves settling now that she knew he could relate. “But if we can get along when we’re drunk and stupid we can handle a first date, right?”

“Right, as long as you don’t make me sleep on your living room floor tonight, we’re good,” Tito joked, he could still feel the ache in his back.

“First of all, you passed out on said floor, I didn’t make you. Second, bold of you to assume you’re getting invited in again.” She laughed at him. Thoughts of how the night would end had filled her mind all day long despite all the work she had to get done, but none of the scenarios involved him sleeping at her place yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t want it, but it was far too early for something like that. She didn’t want to risk ruining whatever was between them by rushing in.

“What if I bring fries?” He pushed his luck, but it was all playful, and Adeline shook her head again.

“Nice try, but you’re feeding me before we get home this time,”

“Mmh, I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” He rested his hand on her knee, and she moved a little closer to him until the end of the drive.

            Tito didn’t get invited in that night, and he was okay with it. He would have been okay with anything after the way she kissed him in front of her door. Maybe it was stupid, but he’d never gotten a kiss like that after a date that didn’t end up leading to something more too fast. There was something more between him and Adeline, and this was easily the best kiss of his life.

“Is that too soon?” She had hesitated, her hand on his cheeks and lips less than an inch away from his.

“No,” Tito replied, anything else he might have wanted to say cut off by her kiss. His body melted against hers, his hand pulling her waist closer as they moved their lips slowly, exchanging a passionate yet sweet kiss.

            He replayed the moment in his mind the whole ride home, grinning stupidly and humming along to songs on the radio with renewed cheerfulness. For a while he thought they’d keep kissing in front of her door forever, but noise from a door slamming upstairs reminded them they were still in a corridor. With a few nervous chuckles and one last kiss, Tito had left, and now nothing could ruin his good mood.

            That date was followed by another the next week, and another a few days later, until they were so attached to each other they spent every free second they had together. Tito sometimes showed up to her place in the morning with coffee and a bagel from her favorite café so that he could drive her to work. When it was time for her lunch break he’d pick her up and they’d eat out somewhere.

            Since it was the off season he didn’t have many obligations, and while Adeline insisted he didn’t have to drive her everywhere, Tito just really wanted to. He usually spent the morning in the gym to stay in shape, and he used the afternoon to see some friends and his family. Every other moment was reserved for Adeline only.

            Her internship kept her busy outside of working hours too, but she always managed to make him fit in her schedule and doubled her efforts on some nights to be free during others. It was tough but Adeline’s motivation had never been higher, there was so much happiness in her life that no task seemed too big to accomplish.

            Before meeting him, she’d spend all her free time outside or writing poems, which Tito often said she should still do without him. He didn’t want to take away from her personal space and habits, but she simply shook her head and shut him up with a kiss every time. She had never been more inspired than she was when he was around, and her poems gained in quality and length even with less time spent working on them. They weren’t the work of her brain, but of her heart.

“You got me flowers?” Adeline beamed one evening when he picked her up and she spotted the bouquet in the car.

“I should have hidden it in the back,” Tito sighed at the ruined surprise. “But yeah, I haven’t done that for you before. Do you like them?”

“I love pink gerberas,” she leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

            The rest of the drive was quiet, and when they reached her apartment, Tito got to come inside with her for the first time since they were drunk together. Adeline placed the flowers in a vase at the center of her dinner table and smiled to herself. They matched her coasters; it was her favorite color when it came to flowers. It was only a lucky guess, but Tito really had a way to make her swoon with every little gesture.

“It’s not very big, but let me show you around properly this time,” Adeline had cleaned the previous day and made sure to make her bed in the morning so that she could show him.

            They spent the end of the day together, Adeline cooking for both of them and Tito doing dishes as she cooked to help out. It was nice and comfortable, but they were both more than happy when they could finally crash on the couch together.

“Wanna watch something?” She asked, cuddled against his chest. She could have stayed like that forever, just listening to his heartbeat, but she didn’t want him to get bored.

“Mmh, what are you thinking?” Tito rested a hand in the middle of her back, relaxing into her warmth and the soft comforting smell of her place.

“You pick,” Adeline turned the TV on, picked Netflix and handed him the remote so that he could scroll through what was available.

“TV show or movie?” He took note of the things she was currently watching as he scrolled down, and she shrugged against him.

“Movie?” She decided randomly. Her only thought was that she didn’t want him to leave after just one episode of a TV show.

            It was clear they were attracted to each other, but everything had been so perfect in their relationship so far that neither pushed for dates to end with more than a kiss. Adeline’s work was a lot to handle on some days, and she was exhausted on most nights, so Tito never felt like insisting he should come in, even just to spend the night cuddling. He knew he’d keep her up forever because they could rarely stop talking once they started.

            He picked a movie that looked half decent with her approval, oblivious to the fact that neither of them was planning on watching it anyway. Adeline only wanted to enjoy the feeling of being in his arms like that, and he couldn’t care less about anything in the world as long as he could feel her against him.

“You ever think of how crazy it is that we started getting along so well so fast?” She eventually whispered, wondering if he was one to talk during movies or if he liked watching them without interruption.

            The usual answer would have been without interruption, but Tito was much more interested in Adeline than in the movie that night.

“I do, yeah,” he rubbed motions with his thumb on her back. “And it just makes me glad I found you,”

“I feel good around you,” Adeline lifted her head so that she could look at him for a second, she was met with a soft smile, followed by an even softer kiss.

“Should we…” He panted as she kissed back with a little more purpose. “Should we maybe ditch the movie?” Her lips moved to his cheek and down his jaw, making him bite back a groan until she was leaving kisses on his neck and he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Yes,” she didn’t hesitate in her answer, lifting herself off him.

            Tito got up after her and pulled her back to him for a passionate kiss, both of them stumbling as she tried to step back towards her bedroom. They chuckled against each other before parting long enough to make it there, and the heaviness of the moment settled on them when they finally sat on the bed.

            Adeline got a condom out of her bedside drawer and placed it on the bed so that they wouldn’t have to worry about it later, and as soon as that was done Tito’s lips were back on hers. Feeling him close to her helped her relax, so she followed his guiding hands until she was straddling him and sitting back on his thighs.

            There was no rush to their movements, they made out slowly and let their hands wander to begin exploring each other, over their clothes at first, and then slipping underneath the fabrics. Their shirts were first to go, and the sight of their bodies like that was enough for them both to need a moment to just breathe. When their lips joined and they found themselves chest to chest again, the desire and heat of the kiss grew stronger.

            Tito’s hands were on her waist, caressing softly before trailing up her back and finding the clasp of her bra. He murmured a question between kisses, and the breathy yes he got in response encouraged him to undo the clasp and remove the material from her body.

            His touches were gentle, pulling quiet gasps out of her as soon as he left her lips to kiss over her neck, looking for the tender spots that made her hips roll so close to his. Adeline’s hands were on his chest, discovering every muscle and the way they clenched when he moved to gently push her back on the mattress. She resisted the urge to hide herself from him, and Tito was nothing but loving as he found the spots that made her breathing hitch with the tips of his fingers.

            Her jeans were next to go, her underwear following a second after while she tugged at Tito’s clothes to get him to remove them too. She used the opportunity to get him on his back and kissed her way down his chest, earning a quiet moan that turned her on so much she almost moaned back just from the noise.

“Baby,” Tito breathed out when her lips pressed over the bulge in his boxers. “Not tonight, please,” his chest was rising and falling faster.

“Okay,” she listened and lifted her head to kiss his stomach again instead, but he could still see the silent question in her eyes.

“You’re going to kill me if you do this right now.” He explained as he reversed the position, adjusting her until she was comfortably resting on a pillow.

“That’s why it’s so fun,” Adeline grinned, and he laughed before their lips met again.

            The kiss was a little messier because of how hard it was for them to stop smiling, but everything intensified when Tito’s fingers found a spot high up on her inner thigh that made her whimper into his mouth.

“That okay?” He whispered close to her ear, kissing the spot just underneath it as she gasped her affirmation.

            He didn’t waste another second before slowly sliding two of his fingers against her and rubbing gentle circles over her clit. Adeline clutched his back in response, moaning softly and moving her hips up for more contact. She was overwhelmed by everything about him, from the light scratch of his beard against her skin when he nibbled at her jaw, the warmth of his almost-naked body close to hers, to the incredible feeling of his fingers rubbing against her perfectly.

            Tito held back moans that threatened to come out just from feeling her dripping for him. He kissed her deeply as he slowly slid his fingers further down and inside of her, his thumb replacing them over her clit. The noises she made into his mouth made him roll his hips against the mattress for some relief, and his chest swelled with pride every time he felt her body react to his touch.

            There had been so much anticipation between them, such a long build up and so many kisses that lingered as they both ached for more, that it didn’t take long for Adeline to feel herself get close to the edge. She clutched Tito’s back harder, holding onto him for dear life as she tried to keep her legs still to let him keep going.

            Her moans and gasps sped up when he let go of her lips and opted for kissing her neck instead to let her breathe, and it all encouraged him to pick up his pace, curling his fingers into her sweet spot until he could feel her body trembling. Adeline’s jaw dropped as she came, her legs closing over Tito’s hand, but it didn’t stop him from moving his fingers slowly to ride her through it.

            He was slow to pull his hand away when her body finally relaxed again, peppering kisses over her face. She wanted to bask in the feeling forever, but the second Tito pulled away from her to shuffle his boxers off, a new kind of hunger overtook her. She didn’t give him time to come back on top of her, pushing herself up and straddling him again instead.

            Tito made quick work of the condom before her lips could latch back onto his and they found themselves chest to chest with no barrier between them. Adeline’s legs wrapped around his waist as he grabbed her ass to pull her to him. They stared into each other’s eyes, resting their foreheads together and sometimes letting their noses brush before Tito reached between their bodies and finally placed his tip at her entrance.

            He didn’t break eye contact for a second as he filled her slowly, tightening his grip around her until they were as close as they could get to each other. The kiss they shared let them swallow each other’s moans and groans as they began rocking together, barely pulling away from each other before making their bodies meet again.

            The temperature rose fast in the room, and a thin layer of sweat covered their skin as they clung to each other. Adeline had never felt this close to someone before, and she had to bury her face in his neck to escape the overwhelming intensity of her feelings when she looked into his eyes.

            Tito pulled her even closer at that, grinding against her and softly moaning every time she clenched around him. He was right on the edge, trying to hold back to get her to come one last time, but everything about her felt like heaven to him. His lips found her shoulder, leaving a few kisses there as he felt himself lose control, his thighs clenching hard while his teeth lightly dug into her skin.

            His pleasured groan got Adeline to fall apart right after him, her body tightening beautifully in his arms as the noises leaving her lips echoed his. They breathed heavily against each other, remaining still for a few minutes and just letting themselves enjoy the afterglow close together.

            Tito pulled away first, carefully letting her down on the bed and kissing her one last time before heading to her bathroom to dispose of the condom. She took a turn in there to clean up right after him, and as soon as she was back in bed, she cuddled close to his chest again.

“Was that okay?” He kissed the top of her head, and her chest shook with a chuckle.

“That wasn’t okay,” Adeline shuffled up so that they could be face to face. “It was amazing,”

“Yeah?” He beamed and she nodded, angling her head to ask for another kiss.

            Tito gave in easily, humming against her lips while she guided him onto his back and rested her forearms on his torso to look at him.

“I’m falling in love with you,” she breathed out without hesitation, looking straight into his eyes and watching them widen as soon as he processed the words.

“I’m falling in love with you too,” he managed to answer even with the breath knocked out of his lungs. “I’m falling so hard.”

.

            Their honeymoon phase lasted as long as Tito’s time in Montreal did.

She even met his parents one weekend, and a few of his friends through the weeks. It was all too perfect until his last week before having to get back to New York came along.

“What’s going to happen when you’re in New York?” Adeline addressed it as they walked in a park together on his last Monday in Montreal, her hand in his. It was late and a little cold, but the darkness was calm.

“I’m not sure,” Tito swallowed heavily, looking straight ahead because there was no good solution. “I just… I want whatever’s best for you,”

“You’re what’s best for me, I don’t want to lose you.” Her hand slipped from his as they stopped walking and turned to face each other.

            Adeline searched his eyes for an answer, but her fears kept growing with every passing moment. The feelings she had for Tito were unlike anything she ever experienced before, and she was terrified of seeing their relationship end. It was the last thing she could ever want, but he had to make the best decision for his career.

“Then I’m yours,” he reached out and grasped both of her hands in his, bringing them up to kiss her knuckles. “I know not everyone can handle long distance but… but we can’t know until we try, right?”

“Right,” she exhaled her relief and squeezed his hands tighter.

“And New York isn’t the other side of the world, we can see each other on weekends,” Tito continued, trying to work things out in his head and reassure her as well as he could.

“Weekends work,” Adeline nodded, biting back a wave of tears, but her eyes watered anyway.

“Baby, please don’t,” he cupped her face with both hands and ran his thumbs over her cheeks while she wrapped her arms around him. “I know work will make it hard for you to travel, but I’ll come up as often as I can, okay?”

“Yeah,” she hid her face into his chest and took a deep breath to calm down. Nothing soothed her better than being close to him.

“We’ll make it work. I promise.” He rocked her gently from side to side in his arms. “I love you too much to ever let you go.”

“I really- I didn’t think it was possible for me to fall in love like that.” Adeline kissed over his heart, making him tighten his arms around her.

“Me neither, and I know it won’t be easy every day, but it’s all going to be worth it, yeah?” Tito tilted her face up so that their noses brushed.

“Loving you makes it all worth it.” She whispered, closing her eyes and falling for him harder with every press of his lips against hers.

.

            The first month was easy.

They had just spent so much time together that it didn’t feel like the distance would ever be an issue, Tito came up to Montreal for three days, and despite all her work Adeline managed to visit one weekend too.

            Sweet attentions helped them push through too, Adeline sent him letters with handwritten poems in them, things he inspired and she thought were worth sharing. Tito sent her flowers and so many loving good morning texts that there was no way she’d ever wake up and start her day without feeling like the luckiest woman in the world.

            Their time together was a little hectic, a mix of dates to spend quality time together and just staying in bed without letting go of each other unless it was for a few hours of sleep in between. The rhythm was tiring, no matter how close New York and Montreal were, travelling was exhausting. It meant waking up early to go to the airport and have enough time to get through security, and it also meant getting home late at the end of the trip with an early morning start right after.

            Still, they were in love and they made it work.

When Christmas came around they felt like they were pros at handling their relationship. Adeline took days off to come spend time in New York so that she could see more of Tito’s world and finally meet Mat, and he came back to Canada for Christmas with his family.

            They didn’t spend the holidays together per say, but they saw each other so often that it felt like they did anyway. Every important moment was spent together, Adeline came over to his house on Christmas morning to open gifts and have lunch with his parents, and Tito spent New Year’s Eve at a party her friends organized. They got to exchange a sickeningly sweet kiss just as the year started and whispered their promise to love each other forever.

            When hockey became a priority again and Tito had to leave, everything felt bittersweet. The moments they had together felt like they were stolen, something they had to work for because nothing fit in their lives unless they forced it to. There was never a weekend when they could both be free unless Adeline managed to figure out a way to get a break from work, and even when she had things to do, Tito still flew up to see her during the moments she had to spare over two days. His games were getting more important, and the team was already dealing with injuries, so he was having a hard time handling everything without letting anyone down.

            Their relationship was strong, but when March rolled around neither of them was truly happy.

“You’re exhausted,” Adeline pointed out something she had been noticing more and more every time he visited. Now, the dark circles under his eyes were visible even through the shitty quality of their call.

“I’m alright,” Tito lied again to stop her from worrying and gave her a weak smile. “You think you’ll be free next weekend?”

“There’s no way you’re travelling again next weekend,” she shook her head, refusing to ask him to put so much effort in again when he clearly needed the rest.

“Well can you come down?” He broke it down to what he thought was simple. If she could move, she’d come visit him. If she couldn’t, he’d come visit her.

“No, I’m stuck this month, I told you,” Adeline sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. Her internship was getting closer to its end and the prospect of a job was real, so she was being drowned in extra work so that she could prove she deserved to stay. As much as she wanted to see Tito to be able to relax in his arms, she knew his training was even more intense than what she had to do.

“Then I’m coming to you,” he insisted again, so Adeline sharpened her tone.

“The hell you are.” She gave him the glare he had received many times before. It was the one that told him ‘I love you but you’re being an idiot,’ and if things were normal, Tito would have laughed and agreed with whatever she wanted.

“So you don’t want to see me now?” He got offended instead, unable to understand why she wouldn’t want him to come. He was doing everything he could to make things work, no matter what.

“Not in that state!” She shot back, feeling tears brimming in her eyes. She was calmer as she spoke her next words. “Tito please, just get some rest… I miss you like hell all the time, but this… it’s not worth it. I’d rather see you a little less and in better shape, okay? We can facetime every night this week or something to make up for it if you want,”

“It’s not the same as holding you,” Tito’s emotions settled too, as defeated as he felt, she was right.

“I know champ, but you’ve got to take care of yourself. Get some rest, okay?”

She made him promise he’d slow down, but Tito didn’t last long. He figured that if he trained extra hard by going to the gym earlier and spent more time on the ice then he’d deserve to spend his days off with her.

Everything was going in the opposite direction of what she asked, but he couldn’t let himself rest if it meant he wouldn’t see her.

“Wake the fuck up!” Anders slammed into him on the ice and sent him stumbling a few feet away. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Tito gritted his teeth, anger clear in his features.

            The captain muttered something under his breath as he skated away, hoping this would be enough to get him to concentrate until the end of the practice at least. It was the third time in a row he missed a pass to Mat, something that almost never happened. The two best friends had chemistry even on the ice, they worked well together, but Anthony was fucking everything up lately and the team wouldn’t take it for much longer.

“Alright,” Anders stood in front of him in the locker room once everyone else was gone and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,”

“Beau,” His captain gave him a look. “You’re a good player, but you haven’t played right in two weeks at practice. Thank fuck you’re still alright when we have games, but how long is that gonna last, uh?”

“I’m not going to let the team down.” Anthony promised, and the other man sighed.

“I know you don’t want to, so get your shit together. It’d be a waste to have you sitting on a bench during every game, especially because of some girl,” Anders made his point and watched him get offended, his voice rising as he spoke again.

“Adeline is-”

“I don’t care what Adeline is.” Anders snapped to cut him off. “Adeline is not here, and she’s not worth ruining a career over. If you don’t start showing some proper skills you won’t be playing next time there’s an important game. I need to know I can count on you to be part of the team.”

“You can count on me.” Tito’s jaw was clenched, he was angry, but now was not a good time to lash out. He knew the threat was real, and Anders was probably doing him a favor having this talk with him now rather than letting him get ripped apart by coaches.

“Then start by getting some sleep. You look like shit.” His captain concluded, dropping his arms by his side and walking out of the room, leaving Anthony alone with his thoughts.

.

            Tito tried his best to fix himself over the next week. He got a smile from Anders when things finally went right at practice, and everyone on the team felt relief when they realized they were getting their player back. Everyone thought things were fine except Mat.

            He could see past the fake smiles; he could see the hurt in his friend’s eyes when he came to hang out with the team on Saturday nights instead of flying to Montreal to be with the woman he so desperately loved. It wasn’t healthy.

            Even when Mat tried to start a conversation he got shut out, Tito wasn’t sharing much with anyone anymore. He was the shell of the player and friend he used to be, so lost in his love for Adeline that he didn’t even realize he was forgetting parts of himself.

“Adeline?” Mat eventually ended up on the phone with her, half of his brain screaming this was the stupidest thing to do and the other half saying it was the only solution. He didn’t want to get in his best friend’s business, but he at least needed to know what was going on on her end.

“Yeah, what’s up Mat?” She took a break from the chapter of the novel she was editing and pushed her chair away from her desk.

“I’m just- I’m sorry I’m calling, I know it’s fucked, but Tito isn’t talking to me and I’m wondering if you’ve heard a lot from him the past few days?”

“Yeah, he’s always texting or calling. Did you guys have a fight or something?” Adeline frowned. Not talking to Mat wasn’t normal, ever since she met Tito she’d been hearing all about his best friend and how well they got along. She also would have expected Tito to mention it to her if something happened.

“No, I mean, yeah. Sort of. He’s been playing like shit at practice, so Anders tried to knock some sense into him, and not very kindly,” Mat explained with a sigh, which only made her worry more.

“Oh. What does that have to do with you?” She asked so that she could finally connect the dots, and the response she got was not what she had expected.

“Well Anders said something about how he shouldn’t let some girl fuck up a whole career, and, uh, it was a shitty thing to say, so I tried to put it more nicely, and he didn’t like it.”

“Right,” she looked down at her lap and fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Was that how the team felt about her? Like she was some girl messing with one of their best players? And if so, wasn’t it her responsibility to make sure she didn’t interfere with his career?

“You’re not fucking up anything, it’s not what I meant,” he quickly caught himself. “But Tito’s just… he’s not himself lately. He’s pretending he’s okay but the travelling back and forth is seriously getting to him, he’s not sleeping, he’s just a mess. It’s bad for the team, and he’s my best friend, I’m worried about him,” Mat was quiet as he spoke the end of his sentence, and she was glad he couldn’t see her.

“I just… I’m not sure what I can do about that Mat,” Adeline felt the tears brimming in her eyes, because she knew.

There was only one way to fix this, and she had been avoiding it for weeks already. The day Tito left Montreal they promised each other they’d do anything to make things work, that they’d never stop trying, but was this promise more important than his health?

“Can you try to talk to him, please? Just make him rest for one weekend,” Mat brought her back to earth as he asked, as if that was all Anthony needed. It would be a start, but it was far from enough. He was already staying in New York most of the time, and it was barely helping.

“I keep telling him to stay home,” she reminded him while pressing her palms over her eyes.

“So he’s not listening to you either?” Mat’s heart deflated at that. He knew his best friend was stubborn, but he didn’t think he’d turn away every attempt you all made to get him to take care of himself.

“No… I’d come if I could, but work doesn’t really allow it right now. I’ll try to get him to stay in New York for the next two weeks, hopefully I’ll get somewhere by talking to him,” Adeline promised herself to make more efforts, to give it one more try in case that was all they needed to make things work again.

“Okay,” he fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, hoping that by the end of those two weeks things would look a bit better.

“Are you thinking of anything else?” She prompted him after he turned quiet, and Mat sighed.

“No, you’re… you were really good for him at the start, you know?” He delved into the part he probably shouldn’t be saying out loud, but he needed her to understand how bad things were. “It made him so happy, and I know you guys are still happy together, but with the way things are right now, he’s messing himself up. Badly. It’s not your fault, I just hope you guys can find a balance that works for you both again.”

“I’ll figure it out, have a nice day Mat,” Adeline put an end to the conversation, and he rubbed his hand over his face as he sighed.

“Yeah, you too.”

.

            When Tito called her less than twenty minutes later, he couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to talk. Adeline declined his call after the second ring and told him she’d call later even though they had planned on talking to each other at that time. Her lack of texts and explanations made him overthink everything, so when Mat and a few other guys showed up to his place an hour later, he wasn’t in the mood to hang out anymore.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Mat told him when he expressed his concern. “Just have a beer and chill out,”

“You can’t be sure she’s fine,” Tito argued as he grabbed the beer and took three long gulps.

“I talked to her for a bit today, so she’s fine. She’ll probably call you tomorrow, yeah?” Mat let the information slip because he figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Adeline was bound to tell him at some point anyway.

“You talked to her?” Tito frowned, the information not sitting well with him. Mat barely knew Adeline; they hadn’t gotten many chances to hang out because Tito always hogged her attention whenever she was around.

“Uh, yeah,” Mat was suddenly more than uncomfortable. He didn’t want to lie to his friend, but with the way he was reacting he felt like he would have been much better off keeping his mouth shut.

“And now she’s not picking up my calls.” Anthony grew suspicious, and the look on Mat’s face didn’t reassure him in the least. “What the fuck did you say to her?”

“I just told her I’m worried about you, you’re not yourself lately.” He admitted, feeling like being honest was the best option.

Tito didn��t lose his cool easily, but somehow this made him angry.

“Can’t you all stop with that? I’m fine.” He replied harshly, and Mat kept his mouth shut.

He thought for a second looking at the wall ahead of him and nodding. Mat was done fighting, he had offered his help, he was there to listen, but he wasn’t going to sit and let Anthony get mad at him when he was only trying to show he cared.

“Yeah, right.” Mat got up and headed out of the room, abandoning him to his thoughts.

            Tito sighed and checked his phone to distract himself, knowing he had to get out there and apologize in a minute or two. A text from Adeline caught his attention, and his mood lifted instantly.

I’ll be in New York tomorrow

            He almost screamed right there, but he bit his lip and contained his smile instead as he typed back.

For real?? What time am I picking you up?

            He had been feeling so off, he couldn’t wait to hold her. It had been too long since he got to see her and it was hard for him to hide his excitement.

I’ll just meet you at your place

            The response Tito received made his heart deflate. Something was wrong. He always picked her up from the airport, he’d done it every single time, so why shouldn’t he do it tomorrow? Between his conversation with Mat and that, the uneasiness he had felt since the declined call only increased.

“You okay?” Brassard asked as he walked out of the kitchen.

“Sorry, I’m just not in the mood tonight,” he walked past everyone and went straight for his bedroom, closing the door and locking it so no one could come bother him.

            It wasn’t fair to shut his friends out like that, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Nothing mattered anymore, he was in a constant state of numbness when he was in New York. Playing hockey helped, the games put him in the right mindset, but as soon as he stepped off the ice his world fell apart all over again.

            Adeline was the only thing keeping him together, but she was also the reason he was being torn apart. She had watched it happen too, she saw the way it started, his sudden disinterest for anything that wasn’t hockey or her, the sadness she caused and tried to fix so hard. She thought that with more time together their time apart would be easier, but nothing she did helped Tito work it out. Their relationship had been rushed, they fell in love and their feelings for each other became an obsession, one Anthony couldn’t manage anymore.

            He was only happy when she was with him, but even then parts of himself were missing.

            Mat and the other guys left soon after he disappeared, giving up for the night and deciding they’d try to spend time with him another day. Anthony was too stubborn, there was no point in them staying. He didn’t care about what was going on that night, he couldn’t think of anything except Adeline.

            Just one night of sleep, one day of work and she’d be in his arms.

            Tito was in his head and time flew by, so when he made it home the next night he was constantly checking his phone to know where she was. She texted when she landed, so he was waiting close to the door when he knew she was about to arrive.

            The front door was open before she was even out of the elevator.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Tito let her walk in and pulled her into a hug to take in the sweet scent of her perfume. His eyes fell shut as he finally felt his body relax. Adeline was the remedy to everything in his life, nothing felt better than having her close.

“Tito,” she pulled away a little as she spoke, trying to put some distance between them.

“Mmh?” He kept his hands on her waist, tugging her against him because he wasn’t ready to part from the hug just yet.

“Anthony, stop,” she pushed on his shoulders and took a step back. “I’m here because I need to talk to you.”

“What’s going on?” Tito frowned at the use of his full name. Deep down, he had known for days that something was coming, but now that he had to face it he didn’t feel prepared enough at all.

            A heaviness settled over the room, the usual playful and happy atmosphere of their reunions nowhere to be found.

“I don’t think we should be doing this anymore.” Adeline said, her hands linked together in front of her.

            The words hung in the air for several seconds. There was an apologetic look in her eyes as she waited for Tito to react, his expression going from shock, to panic, and to confusion all within a few seconds. He had expected her to want to talk, to ask for a break from things at worst.

This was something he had never considered.

“What?” He whispered, unable to form a word any louder than that.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but you’re not happy like this,” she felt her heart break as he stammered to start a sentence. He looked exhausted, there were dark circles under his eyes, and now his features were twisted in pain.

“Adeline, don’t. You- you don’t know what you’re saying, I’m fine, and-” Tito struggled to say anything coherent, he spoke too fast, but he was scared that if he didn’t say anything she’d vanish.

“You’re not fine. You’re not in the right headspace to train because you’re always thinking of how to get away from New York, you’re not focusing on what should matter to you the most and you’re making yourself sick because you’re not sleeping,” Adeline shook her head, looking down to avoid crying. She couldn’t take the look in his eyes, they used to be so full of joy, but now the blue was dulled by tears that blurred his vision.

“I am sleeping,” he croaked weakly and reached for her.

“That’s not the point!” She stepped back to dodge his touch. She wasn’t strong enough to fight him on this for long, he held too much power over her, she’d cave in no time if she let him touch her. “This was never the point. You were right, not everyone can do long distance and we couldn’t know unless we tried. Now we know, it’s not working out.” She swallowed back her sob and took a shaky breath in to calm down.

“Adeline, please,” Tito shook his head, teardrops rolling down his cheeks already. “No, please,” he didn’t know what else to do but beg.

“I’m sorry,” she looked up. As hard as it was, he deserved at least that, but the broken look in his eyes made her fall apart.

“No! You’re the love of my life, I can’t just let you go,” he refused to go down without a fight, not when she was the only woman he had ever loved. He saw his entire life with her, they could have everything together, and he couldn’t let it go so easily.

“You have to. I’m asking you to.” Adeline wiped her thumbs underneath her eyes to catch her tears. She knew he’d respect her decision, no matter how much he hated it, because he always respected boundaries. She just had to tell him she didn’t want him anymore, and that was the hardest part, having to lie to protect him. “This isn’t healthy for you, and frankly, it’s not healthy for me either. I’m always on my phone, I can barely focus on work because I’m wondering when you’ll be free to call, I’m going to sleep so fucking late every time we call and I just… I just can’t keep doing this any longer knowing it’s hurting you.” She explained, and he used that time to settle his breathing.

“We can work through a rough patch,” his voice was a little raspy, but he pushed through. “I’ll… I’ll stay in New York for longer periods, and we can schedule calls so that it’s not as messy,” Tito brought up every solution he could think of, but she already knew they were pointless.

“You’re making this so hard,” Adeline sniffled quietly, glancing down at her feet again. “I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind.”

“So that’s just… it?” He felt like he’d just received a punch to the stomach. Adeline looked up as he took a step back, shaking his head a little and looking completely lost.

“I guess,” she whispered, her lower lip trembling.

“I’m in love with you, isn’t that worth trying a little bit harder?” Tito couldn’t believe the feelings settling inside his chest. He was slowly processing every word she had said, and there were so many things wrong with this conversation. What happened to their promise?

“You think I haven’t tried hard enough? You think I haven’t tried my fucking hardest?” Adeline let the tears flow down her cheeks, and her chest shook with a sob, but she fought to keep her voice steady.

“Well you’re the one giving up now!” He clenched his jaw, sniffling loudly and tugging at his hair in despair. The hurt had kicked in, and he was angry now.

“Because you’re not okay! And I had to find out from your best friend because you keep lying to me and you’re not taking care of yourself!” She raised her voice to his level, and he scoffed, pacing around his living room.

“Mat doesn’t fucking know what I’m doing, if I’m saying I can handle it, then I can handle it!” Tito was sick of everyone around him telling him how to feel and what to do. Focus, train harder, take a break, sleep, travel, don’t travel, call me, don’t call me, spend time with friends, call your family. It was all too much, and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Mat just asked me to check up on you, and he was right, you’re not fine, and I’m the reason you keep getting worse. I just can’t do this anymore,” Adeline’s voice softened to hide the way it cracked halfway through, but he caught it anyway.

“Fucking great.” He bit his cheek to stop himself from breaking down. Watching her like this, the woman he loved more than anything in the world, was destroying him. She felt the pain too, and he was causing it.

“You’re angry, and I get it,” Adeline took a deep breath in and dropped her hands by her sides, wondering when he’d snap. She was the one giving up, so she was ready to take it. “I’m so sorry, this isn’t how I pictured things going between us... I’ll just go… I’m really sorry.” She turned around, ready to walk out so that she could break down somewhere he wouldn’t see her.

            It was better if he was mad at her, his anger was much easier to handle than the look he first gave her.

“Adeline wait,” Tito crossed the room in two long strides and wrapped his hand around her arm before she could reach the door.

“What are you-” Adeline turned around to face him and he released her arm to hold her waist instead.

“Just one more.” He murmured with his lips so close to hers she could already feel how soft they were through a brush. “Please, just one last night,”

            He kissed her to stop her from replying, to stop her from thinking rationally, and to fucking beg her to give him this last thing. Adeline wasn’t strong enough to pull away. Instead, she melted into his touch and responded to the kiss with a passion fueled by her heart falling into pieces.

            Just one last time, she told herself as she kept on kissing him, blindly letting him walk back to his bedroom.

            They could taste the saltiness of their tears as they moved their lips together, tangled in each other with her straddling him and her legs around his waist, just like they had been the first night they were together like that. They didn’t exchange any words, kissing and hiding their faces whenever they had to so that they wouldn’t see the other breaking inside.

It was all too much and not enough, so when Tito kept her tight against his chest to lay in bed, Adeline didn’t fight him. She closed her eyes and bit back tears, pretending she wasn’t about to leave so that he would let himself fall asleep.

Tito was safe with her so close, his grip was tight, he wasn’t ever letting her go. It was what he told himself as he drifted off to sleep, telling himself they’d talk in the morning, that he’d find a way to convince her they could still fix things.

.

            Adeline felt like her heart was being torn apart when she crawled out of his arms in the early hours of the morning. She hadn’t slept for a second, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up. For a moment, she even thought she should stay. What if Tito was right? What if he could stay in New York for more time? They could schedule the calls like he said to make things easier.

The idea disappeared from her mind with every moment she spent looking at him, fast asleep in his bed when he used to always wake up whenever she moved. There were dark circles under his eyes, he was exhausted, and she was only making it worse. Leaving was the only way.

Adeline grabbed as much of her things as she could carry and got dressed in the living room as quietly as possible, but with how hard she was crying she was surprised none of her sobs had woken Tito up yet. A few of her things were still in his room, but it was nothing she desperately needed back, and if she woke him up she’d never be able to leave. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from going into his bedroom to look at him one more time.

He was so beautiful when he slept, so peaceful and relaxed. Adeline wished she could see him smile one more time, just to be able to admire the spark in his eyes whenever he did. She knew that if he woke up they’d only be filled with sadness and fear, all because of her, so she took a deep breath and scribbled one last thing on a post it note, placing it on her pillow before leaving his apartment silently.

.

            An hour later the sun was up, and Tito was shaking as he woke up. He sat up immediately to grab the cold bed sheets on her side of the bed. It all felt like a nightmare. The bedroom was silent apart from his heavy breathing, and he turned his light on before looking around for any sign she was still here.

            After they held each other so tightly during the night, the way they loved each other, how could she have left? Tears stung in his eyes as he took notice of everything in his room. Her clothes were gone from the floor, her notebook wasn’t on the nightstand, and he could see his closet cracked open with two empty shelves. Her shelves.

            Tito’s heart tightened in his chest as the reality of the situation hit him. His body was tense but he couldn’t move. His whole world was falling apart, he was completely lost, scrambling for something, anything he could hold onto.

He found it in a single blue post-it note on his pillow, her pretty cursive handwriting recognizable easily.

I’m sorry,

A

.

Please reblog and let me know what you thought!! Writing is a lot of time and effort, I appreciate all comments, asks and reblogs more than you know <3

[vidalinav]

The House as an apartment building:

Sectioned off per apartment ft. Pictures 

I’m telling you I want the House of Wind to start functioning more as an apartment building. Like the House deliberately being like “you took my baby’s apartment. Well I’m making her a new one. Improved too with nice amenities and free clean up service and an on sight cook. Suck it.”

Azriel’s Apartment:

Like Azriel’s got his own sequestered off place that’s not easily accessible to everyone. His own door. It does have a kitchen, because honestly the House doesn’t know much about him and it tries not to peek into his space too much. If the House is being honest, it’s a little bit afraid of what it might find. So it has a kitchen and a bedroom and a tiny personal library stacked with books of all kinds, and a space to play chess (The one Nesta gifts him that plays by itself-see other post). It’s pretty dark. Has a lot of black and black out curtains, Azriel prefers that. Very muted, but tasteful and mostly clean. IF he’s in a good mood. I don’t know I picture his room half-intellectual/half-angsty rocker type. Think metal work vs bookshelves vs. minimalist. 

Emerie and Gwyn’s Apartment: 

Emerie and Gwyn end up living together in their own sequestered apartment in the House. Before, they stayed in separate rooms when they stayed for long periods away from their respective homes--Gwyn just wanting to venture out but not far, and Emerie just not wanting to deal with the transportation issue. After, the house changed its layout, they each get their own apartment. BUT they just couldn’t deal with being alone. The apartment was lonely and it was too quiet and they literally lived right across the hall and they would just keep knocking at each other’s doors and leaving the door open or just not wanting to leave. It was just too large for one person. So, the House makes them a two bedroom and no one can tell if it’s small or if they have just filled with it so much that it just looks small. It’s eclectic and eccentric. Colorful. Plants. Posters and pictures on the wall. Think cottage core mixed with heavy bold fabrics. Messy but not messy. Cluttered but not cluttered. 

A kitchen that’s painted in different colors (Emerie likes to cook and the house respects this) and it juts out to hang over the mountain that overlooks the other side not facing the city, so it’s more mountains and wildflowers and snow in the winter, think picturesque. Very nature. Emerie and Gwyn (and Nesta) will drink hot coco and peer out all the time. This is their happy space. It’s very cozy.

Nesta and Cassian’s Apartment:

Nesta and Cassian’s apartment is two floors. It’s more like a townhouse I suppose. I was going to have the family library connected, but I think the family library stays a common space for everyone. But it is closer to Nesta’s place. The apartment though does have so many books everywhere. The staircase has books running up the side. 

There’s a patio/sunroom now, that overlooks the city and the windows open. There’s bookshelves there too, this is Nesta’s reading area. It has a hanging chair and if Cassian can’t find her in the morning, she is always there with a hot beverage.

This apartment has many rooms like seven and they’re like how are we going to fill this..... it’s my headcanon that the House knows they want a big family and is like whenever y’all are ready, but what really happens is that they end up adopting so many kids over the years that these rooms gets filled up easily. A twelve year old is the first from the continent, Lyra (when they get pregnant years past), then the twins who are from Hybern, then an Illyrian, etc (That’s a post for another time). Their apartment is just really cute and home-y and fun. It’s definitely kid friendly. But it also helps that the two of them are like two big kids themselves so... But it accommodates to suit the amount of people that start living there, who all just have such big, individual personalities and interests and they are all different ages so it’s tough, but it works. And Nesta and Cassian also have space for themselves, especially Nesta who sometimes just needs silence from the noise. Anyways that’s years later, back to regular scheduled programs.

Nesta and Cassian’s home just feels light and airy, and a mixture between hygge, springtime, and rainy days on the beach. Very bright and airy, and Nesta loves this place. Touches of blue of course everywhere, and mostly tans and creams. So, so many windows overlooking the city that have plant boxes on all of them, that are filled with dainty white and blue flowers (The House looks after these--it’s a great gardener too).

Shared/Common Spaces:  

The greenhouse/terrarium place that Nesta ends up practicing magic in most days, is technically located in her apartment, but it also has a door in the private library and then also has a door in the library library. It doesn’t open unless Nesta gives permission to those who enter. So, Nesta ends up giving permission to the priestesses to work up there. Because just like they didn’t mind Bryaxis they really have no concerns with Nesta practicing magic. They’re like this might as well happen. 

But again this place, as I said in my other post, has carnivorous and poisonous plants, and there’s a snake eventually running through this large garden space, and there’s a giant pond in the middle of this place. It should be more concerning but nope. Priestesses really like it up there. They start practicing alchemy too, for those priestesses who dabble in chemistry and the dark arts. Think dark academia.  

I initially thought Elain would like it here, but now that I’m thinking about it Elain would probably be iffy about this place. The plants have a mind of their own here and though she supports her sister in her arts and her magic, she is not keen on being in the center of it all, herself. There’s a certain level of control to gardening and these plants are just... uncontrollable. Elain rather likes adventuring to mean new countries and meeting new people, but not this sort of adventure where you might die if a plant decides it’s a little hungry or someone changed the temperature of the water. Magic is Nesta’s thing. She’ll leave this wild terrarium to Nesta. 

The Kitchen is also a shared space, but only for the residents of the House of Wind. Most people don’t go down there, but Elain does when she visits Nesta and wants to spend some quality time with her (also in my other post). It is alive and it sings. Like there’s something about the kitchen that is always humming as if there’s a old cook’s soul down there or something. Really large. Steam everywhere. The smell of spices wafting. Nesta “accidentally” charms the plates and silverware (think fantasia) but that’s a story for another time. This is another place that juts out in certain areas to have a lot of windows. Not the whole place but quite a bit of it. Think a kitchen that’s alive. 

The library stays the same, because Nesta loves that library and it’s perfect the way it is. <3. 

That’s it for now. I have literally so many Pinterest boards for each individual place but I clearly cannot post them all here so bye!