#anyways yall know how to reach me and if ya wanna reach me any other way just im me and ill get to it eventually
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avo-kat · 1 year ago
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cw: suicidal thoughts
okay, now that im finally feeling normal again i wanted to come back to this.
like im not certain i have PMDD, but seems likely.
and, well, this? this is fucking SERIOUS.
i havent been suicidal since 2016. after i finished doing therapy. which i started doing because i was 25 and that was the age i picked to do the big S when i a teen, or 27 at the latest cuz all the cool musicians i liked did it. (yeah.) and i worked a shitty job in a fast food restaurant and realized i was legit actually going to kill myself if i didnt do anything to change that. i was terrified.
so i did therapy.
and it helped me. (YMMVY!) i was still depressed af and had millions of other problems, but after 2 years i was *no longer suicidal*.
this is huge.
i havent been suicidal since. absolutely and totally. sincerely. 100% none of that for me anymore.
like occasionally id think smth like "omg i wanna die" or "omg i wanna kill myself" as a learned thought-reaction, but i made sure to never actually say that or type it cuz i knew, after doing therapy, that that shit wasnt helping (along with negative self talk in general.)
so.
last weekened? i was fucking SUICIDAL. literally. it was super fucking horrible. it was bleak. i was losing my mind. i did everything i could to keep myself together and not do any of the many bad coping mechanism i wanted to go for. i did really well, thanks to therapy, but it was still super fucking horrible.
i was so desperate. i thought id never be happy again. i didnt know what the point of living was. i couldnt stand the thought of going on anymore.
i FORGOT that i used to feel like this for year. i forgot how bad i used to be. and then it hit me and it was a real fucking monster punch, i tell ya.
thankfully it passed. thankfully i didnt do anything bad or with long lasting consequences. thankfully it just went away within days without me really doing anything.
but man?
seeing that 5-8% of people that menstruate have this? what the literal fuck?
basically, what im saying is: if you feel suicidal, whether you usually do or dont, please reach out.
as bleak as shit may seem, it may not be that bad once the real bad phase passes. idk. it may last 10 year. 15 years. 20 years. longer.
you may think you have literally nobody, you may think nobody cares, you may think theres on point and no more joy, but, please. just reach out. to somebody. anybody. you deserve it. but if you are suffering, silently, nobody can help you.
id love to live in a world where people around me magically know when im doing badly - and actually i do, but the magic is called "reaching out".
anyway.
if all else fails, yall gotta make it until one piece is finished, alright?
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👍
i finally decided to make an appt with a therapist to get my fucking t in january. the last few days were fucking brutal! such fun.
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bma-2020 · 5 years ago
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If youre upset that I‘m not really online anymore I’m sorry but I’m working two jobs now and its not like most people were actively interested in writing with me anyways as much as just reblogging things from me for themselves or to respond once or twice and claim ‘oh we’re so open to writing with anyone! look we write w females im so special!’ for free brownie points and honestly im not abt the fake shit
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ppersonna · 4 years ago
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swipe right - jjk | m
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“ i wanna ruin our friendship. we should be lovers instead. i don't know how to say this, cause you're really my dearest friend “ - jenny, studio killers
♡ summary-  after a horrible breakup, you sign back up for tinder and ironically match with your best friend, jungkook. a date for fun is harmless, right?
♡ genre- best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, jk is a minecraft streamer, brother namjoon, brother-in-law jimin, namjoon is kind of a himbo stay at home dad ngl, ex-boyfriend seokjin (mentioned but doesnt show up)
♡ word count- 9k
♡ warnings- mentions of a bad breakup (smh seokjin wtf??), penetrative sex, unprotected sex (u know the business folx), oral sex (m receiving), teasing, SO MUCH BODY WORSHIP, jk is a simp, slight dirty talk, lots of just talking during sex yall it happens, creampie, cum play, praise praise body worship praise, did i mention body worship, tit-fucking, cum eating, i think thats all.
♡ a/n - helloooo and thank you for your wait for this fic! i’m so happy its done and i loved writing it! it’s a little bit different feel for my usual style of writing (smut-wise) so please tell me your thoughts! i didn’t use dom/sub themes OR a daddy kink LMAOOOO praise me please. i hope you enjoy!! pls feel free to comment, chat, message, carrier pigeon, email, mail, WHATEVER U WANT, me. i love u babies. thank you to @kimtaehyunq​ for the sexy banner. and for @xjoonchildx @ladyartemesia​ @untaemedqueen​ for the writing support and idea generation. i would be nothing without my council. and thank you to my beta editors @hobi-gif and @ughseoks​ and @hongism​ for the perusal and help in writing this!
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Jungkook is the person you call when your world falls apart.
He answers, voice raspy from the late hour, and the second he asks you what’s wrong, the downpour of torrential tears you’ve been holding back finally escapes and you’re sobbing through the phone that you just lost the love of your life—that he left and with little effort on his part, and a lot on yours.
Jungkook listens to you—his heart aching deep in his chest at hearing the utter heartbreak that’s clear in your voice. You’ve never been hurt like this, and he’s desperate to hold you, to make it go away. He wants to drive over to Seokjin’s house and throw a left hook into his stupid, handsome face for making you feel you weren’t worth it.
Because if there’s anything in the world that Jungkook knows, it’s that you’re worth it. You’re worth everything. Add up all the money and all the gold in the entire world, and it still doesn’t meet a fraction of what you’re worth to him.
“Where are you?” He asks as he cradles the phone against one arm and pulls on his jeans.  
You sniffle. “Jungkook, it’s 3 am.”
“So? I was up playing Minecraft,” He lies. “Where are you?”
You can’t help but laugh the tiniest bit, a sliver of warmth wrapping itself around your raw and exposed heart. Like a balm to a flesh wound. It doesn’t heal it, not yet.
“I’m at our park.”
Jungkook smiles as he grips the phone back in his hand. The park. The place you and Jungkook spent your childhood playing make-believe games, and formative teenage years loitering around smoking clove cigarettes to look cool.
“Give me five minutes, okay?”
You nod, even though he can’t see you. 
“Okay.”
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Jungkook arrives with two minutes to spare. His beat up Nissan that he insists is “vintage” and “priceless” idles next to you.
He can see you through the darkened glass of your car—your mascara is running down your face, tears streaked through your flawlessly applied makeup.
You still look so beautiful.
And it angers Jungkook that all that time you spent looking good for Seokjin meant nothing to him.
He motions for you to come over, pats the passenger seat next to him and smiles as he watches you open the door and slide into the security of his familiar car.
“You cleaned your car,” you murmur as you notice a severe lack of McDonald’s trash.
He sniffs haughtily. 
“The trash added character.”
Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to respond. Instead, he’s unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling you as close to him as he can get you. The instant his arms wrap around your body, the floodgates open again and your once-quieted tears turn back into full-fledged sobs.
“I loved him,” you gasp through the pain in your throat.
He rubs your back, pats your hair gently, soothing you the way he has for years now. Through every breakup, through every family fight with your older brother Namjoon, through all the mean girls in high school. Jungkook is the north star—always consistent, always guiding you back to safety.
“I know, babe,” he sighs. “You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, who’s not just going to give up when things get hard.”
You choke back a cry against his Patagonia hoodie and bury your face further into the crook of his neck. He smells like Old Spice and the shampoo he uses, along with the smell of laundry soap you buy for him—he uses dish soap when he runs out and nearly broke his washing machine last time.
“I thought he was the one. I’m so stupid.”
Jungkook swallows hard. Tonight is about comforting you, not about feeling sorry for himself that you’re his best friend and not his girlfriend. He can’t help but think of what kind of life he would give you. He knows it’s one that wouldn’t end with you crying in a parking lot at 3 AM.
“You’re not stupid, you just loved him. And there’s nothing stupid about loving someone, even if it doesn’t work out,” he sighs as he cradles your head against him. It feels right having you there, pressed up against him and seeking comfort from the solace of his arms.
“Let’s go get a milkshake, yeah?” He asks as you pull your head up and look at him with sad, glassy eyes.
“Yeah,” you nod after a moment of staring.
Jungkook’s eyes sparkle with love, with hope. It makes the desperate, alone feeling inside you—disappear. Jungkook presses a soft kiss to your forehead and then starts the shaky ignition of his car, that takes three cranks of the key before it turns over.
He sends you a look, a laugh evident on your face.
“Don’t even start,” he warns. “The engine is fine.”
“Whatever you say,” you snort as you wipe an errant tear from your face.  
“It’s a certified classic car! I could get millions for this baby!”
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As the weeks pass, the pain of losing Seokjin becomes further and further from your mind. You can get through the day without crying anytime you see something that reminds you of him and even start flirting with others without feeling like you’re cheating.
You just still haven’t reached the point where dating someone else even feels possible. You’re terrified of allowing someone close to you, letting them into a place where you’re inviting them to possibly hurt you. You’re not sure your heart is ready for it. 
“I think you’re just scared,” your older brother Namjoon states as he warms up a bottle of milk in boiling water. 
He cradles his new baby in one arm while the other works at the bottle of milk. 
“I’m not scared,” you huff. “I just don’t think it’s the right time.” 
Namjoon sighs and hands the gurgling newborn baby off to you and readies the bottle for you to feed your new niece, Jisoo. 
“Look, Seokjin sucks, okay? I know you two were together for some time, but in the end, he wasn’t the right one for you. There’s someone out there who is the right one for you. You know how many shit frogs I had to kiss before I got my prince?” 
You make a face as you feed Jisoo, who happily sucks and gazes at the lights above. 
“You call Jimin a prince?” 
Namjoon sighs dreamily as he watches the baby and thinks of his husband. 
“The dreamiest prince,” he breathes, eyes closed in bliss. “But back to your problems. I think you should get back out there. Go on some dates, meet some people. No one is telling you to fall in love and get married tomorrow. Just go have some fun.” 
You allow Namjoon’s words to mull through your mind. What could be the harm in joining a few dating sites, perhaps spending some time at the gym or grocery store flirting with someone cute?
“Fine,” you say. “I’ll think about it.” 
“Good. I can’t be the only one giving our parents grand-babies. Soo needs a cousin.” 
You smile down at the tiny bundle in your arms and imagine a future where you have a baby of your own. 
“Okay, I’m not trying to get knocked up, Joon.” 
“Whatever,” he sighs. “Help me choose a wall color for me and Jimin’s new master bathroom.” 
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Tinder’s changed since the last time you used it, years ago. It’s gone from any semblance of dating to strictly an app used to get laid. 
It’s discouraging swiping through all the obvious fuckboys. Sure, a quick and easy lay sounds great, but you’re also trying to go out and enjoy real, traditional dates, and it seems none of these guys want to step foot outside of a bedroom. 
The swiping left becomes almost monotonous. You’re sitting on your couch, watching some documentary about serial killers, when a startling profile pops up on your Tinder feed. 
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The picture that pops up is... Jungkook. You can’t stop the bubble of laughter that leaps from your chest. His profile is so authentically Jungkook that you’re swiping right before you even know it. 
Your brain doesn’t even comprehend what a match with Jungkook means, really. You’re still laughing as you click on the bubble to message him and send him as many laugh emojis as you can. 
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“Hey guys, what’s up, Kookie here with another Let’s Play Minecraft video for ya. Be sure to like and subscribe if you enjoy this kind of content.”
Jungkook’s headset is firmly wrapped around his head, mic next to his mouth and hands at the ready on his mouse and keyboard. He’s set and in the zone. 
The game is well into play when the familiar chime of his phone goes off. It’s a Tinder notification—he can tell by the sound. He can’t help but roll his eyes, wondering what sort of boring conversation he’s meant to have with a girl who will probably ghost him, anyway. 
He lazily lifts his phone and glances at the notification, before dropping it back to the desk. 
His hand freezes on his mouse as he finally comprehends what he just read. 
He just matched with YOU. 
His best friend. 
His secret, lifelong crush. 
He sputters something into the microphone and stops recording his game, wildly grasping for the phone and unlocking it. 
YN: 😂😂😂😂 is your bio a Minecraft pickup line?!
He pauses, attempts to collect his thoughts, before desperately typing on his screen. 
JUNGKOOK: Why? 😉😏 did it work?
You spend the rest of your night jokingly flirting with Jungkook, sending GIFs and emojis in between the silly lines you’re using on each other. 
Right before you’re about to head to sleep, Jungkook sends one last message. 
JUNGKOOK: What if we went on a date lolol. Haha jk. Unless?? 👀👀👀
Your thumbs hover over the keys to your phone. 
A date with Jungkook? Even though you matched with him, you’ve never thought of a date with your childhood best friend. 
YN: alright, it’s only fair since we matched 😝 show me how you treat these tinder ladies
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“I have a date with Jungkook tonight,” you tell your brother, Namjoon, over the phone. 
Over the crying of your newborn niece, you hear Namjoon splutter in confusion. 
“You what!?” He nearly screams. “Jeon Jungkook? Like... the annoying kid you’ve been friends with since fourth grade?”
You huff. 
“He’s not annoying! He’s my best friend. We ironically matched on Tinder and… Well, why the fuck not? Nothing serious is going to happen. We’ll go out and have a story to tell about how incompatible we are.”
Namjoon doesn’t reply. Instead, you hear him speak to his husband. 
“She’s going on a date with Jungkook,” he says over the muffle of his hand on the receiver.
There’s a shuffle, and the dulcet voice of your brother-in-law, Jimin, comes over the line. 
“Girl,” he starts. “What the fuck?”
You chuckle as you move about your closet, trying to decide what’s appropriate to wear on a date with your best friend. 
“It’s nothing!” 
“Mm-hmm,” Jimin tuts. “You know the boy is in love with you.” 
“Okay, Chim, you’ve been spending too much time cooped up with my brother. It’s affecting your grip on reality.”
“Sure, honey. I just tell it like it is. Don’t break his heart.” 
You roll your eyes. 
“I won’t break his heart because there’s nothing there, Jimin.”
“I’ll be expecting your call later.”
“Yes, dad. Love you guys.”
“We love you too, sweetheart. But really, don’t break that poor boy’s heart.”
You open your mouth to retort yet another reassurance that there’s nothing to break, but the line goes dead.
“Fucking Jimin,” you mutter as you throw your phone to the bed.
You can’t allow yourself to think that Jungkook might have feelings for you. It’s totally out of the questions. He’s your best friend. The guy who shoves Cheetos up his nose to make you laugh and falls asleep during every movie night with his face in the popcorn bowl. He’s just Jungkook. This date is just a funny way to hang out.
So, why do you care so much about what you wear?
You’re still standing in front of your closet, attempting to find something respectable to wear. It doesn’t matter that the last time Jungkook saw you; it was with mascara streaming down your face and a hoodie from Namjoon’s college swimming days and ripped leggings. Jungkook has seen you in nearly everything you wear, so your indecisiveness gives you pause.
Do you want Jungkook to be attracted to you? Do you want to do your best to look as presentable as you would for a normal date?
The thudding of your heart tells you that maybe you’re more interested in this being a date than you’re allowing yourself to believe.
You shake all thoughts off. 
No, you won’t allow yourself to overthink a night that should just be fun.
You settle for a fitted and simple summer dress, tights and heels. Simple, easy, respectable but also showing enough cleavage and sculpt of your ass to ensure you look more dressed up than not.
Perfect.
With one last look in the mirror, you’re ready.
JUNGKOOK: I’m outside!
ME: See you soon!
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Jungkook taps his foot anxiously as he sits on the bench outside your apartment. His tight black jeans feel like a second skin on his legs, and the black button-down shirt he’s tucked in makes him rethink his choice of outfit.
Is he too casual?
He’s never really worn something like this around you. This is what Jungkook wears when he wants to seduce. This is what every girl he’s desperately wished was you got to see. The girls who swooned over his messy hair, the way his jeans display his toned thighs, the peek of skin at his throat.
Maybe it’s too much.
Maybe he’s afraid he’ll scare you away.
Maybe he’s afraid you won’t like it.
He’s given no chance to ruminate anymore because you’re exiting the building and walking straight towards him.
He doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe.
It’s as if you walk towards him in slow motion. Angels chorus around him and the setting sun sparkles on your face like a spotlight. There’s nothing in the world anymore, nothing but you.
You’re the most beautiful human he’s ever seen in his life.
“Hi,” you smile as you approach him.
He continues to stare, eyes traveling over the soft curves of your cheeks and jaw, trailing down to the way your dress clings just right to each dip of your body. His throat goes dry.
You are without a doubt the girl of his dreams. 
“Jungkook?”
It pushes him out of his reverie, eyes widening as he realizes he’s been staring at you for maybe a few minutes too long to play off as normal.
“Hey!” He coughs, attempting to right himself.
“You okay?” You ask, eyebrow lifted in concern.
“Yeah! Yup! Totally! I’m okay—a-okay, absolutely great.” He internally slaps himself.
“You clean up nice,” you smile as your eyes elevate up and down the lean form of his body.
“Oh?” He asks, taken aback. 
In his daze, he never even realized what you’re thinking about him, rather only how intensely he was thinking about you.
“This must be the Jungkook that all the girls in college couldn’t stop begging me to hook them up with.”
His cheeks flame with sudden embarrassment, hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it awkwardly. 
“Ha, yeah,” he swallows. “You look r-really nice too. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since your brother’s wedding.”
The smile that he’s rewarded with nearly knocks him on his ass. “Thanks! It’s fun to dress up cute again. Jin hated this dress.”
A stab of pain eeks its way into Jungkook’s heart. Seokjin. God, how he hates that man.
“Well, uh, you can wear whatever you want with me!” He assures. 
You loop your arm around Jungkook’s, saddling up to his side as you look at him expectantly.
“Well, are we going?”
Jungkook can’t help but smile at the sparkle in your eye, the way you peer up at him with those soft, cherry lips. He wants to capture them with his own, kiss you until you don’t remember Seokjin’s name ever again.
But he resists.
“Let’s go!”
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You never thought you’d admit it to yourself. You never even thought it could happen. 
But the date is everything you’ve ever wanted, and more. 
Jungkook is still Jungkook, still just as silly and easy to talk to as he always is. 
But he’s also charming. Flirtatious, even. He holds doors open for you; he rests his hand on the small of your back as he guides you towards your table at dinner. He feeds you bites of his dessert and lets his eyes linger on the way your lips look wrapped around his fork. 
Jungkook treats you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated. Like someone he wants to cherish for the rest of your combined lives. Someone he wants to take care of, build a future with, enjoy life with.
And as much as it thrills you, it absolutely frightens you. 
It’s when you’re walking down the small river trail together that Jungkook slips his hand into yours and laces your fingers together. The once-steady beat of your heart becomes erratic. He continues chatting—as if holding your hand was a subconscious act for him. He’s knee deep in a story of his Minecraft server when you stop walking, causing him to pause. 
“What’s up?” He asks curiously. 
Your eyes glitter with anticipation, with fear, as you stare at the gorgeous man before you. He looks like a full course meal in his tight jeans and he makes you feel like a princess. You can suddenly see doing life by his side—no longer his platonic best friend, but as his lover and lifelong partner. 
You say nothing. Instead, you simply close the space between you two by grabbing the buttons of his shirt and tugging his lips onto yours. 
“Wha—oh, mmmmmm.”
Jungkook is still for a second as he battles the surprise, but jumps into action and cups your face with his hands, deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue past your lips and swirling it around your own. 
Your bodies press close together. He can feel your breasts against his chest and he desperately wants to rip the dress off your body and worship you like he’s always wanted to. 
As soon as the kiss started, it’s over. You’re pulling away with eyes wide with fear.
“I’m sorry, I—I need to go,” you stammer awkwardly.
Jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach.
“What? We were going to get ice cream?”
You can feel tears building in the corners of your eyes. You’re so confused, so unsure of what you’re feeling. You want to stay and kiss Jungkook until you’re clawing at the clothing on his body, pressing kisses to the firm column of his neck. You want to run far away, too scared to admit it to him you’re sure you could love him for the rest of his life.
You can’t lose that friendship. You can’t risk everything you love about Jungkook. He’ll only hurt you the way every boyfriend ever has.
“I don’t really feel well,” you swallow hard as you lie. Jungkook always knows when you’re lying.
His body stiffens.
“Okay, let me walk you home.”
You shake your head, already moving away from the man.
“It’s fine. We’re nearby. I’ll just run or something.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but you’ve already turned face and started running the direction away from him.
Jungkook watches, misty-eyed, as the girl of his dreams runs further and further away from him.
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You’re sobbing as you finally reach home, out of breath and confused. The phone call to Namjoon is quick.
“Yo,” he says cooly as he answers the phone. His tone changes when he hears your whimpering sobs on the other end.
“Joonie,” you whisper. “I fucked up.”
“Oh god,” Namjoon quickly shuffles and calls his husband over, before putting the phone on speaker.
“What’s happened, baby?” Jimin’s sweet voice asks.
“I—I kissed him,” you sob, holding yourself close in the comfort of the elevator. 
Namjoon and Jimin look at each other with knowing looks.
“We’re on our way over.”
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Jimin knows the first order of business is to stop the crying. He places sleeping baby Jisoo in your arms, which quiets your whimpers enough as you cling to the tiny baby. He knows your weakness is sleeping babies.
Namjoon looks on anxiously, hates seeing his little sister upset and with no way to make it better.
Jimin’s been asked to take the lead on this, because he knows his husband's response is to cry as well—he gets emotional anytime he sees her cry. Namjoon agreed, knowing Jimin was better suited for the conversation.
“Tell us what happened,” Jimin asks quietly. You’re rocking the baby gently, sobs turned to sniffles. “Did something go wrong on the date?”
Your eyes peer up at your brother-in-law’s, a wounded look that makes Jimin feel sad. Namjoon clenches beside him, and Jimin lays a hand on his lap to soothe the protective brother.
“No,” you whisper. “That’s the thing. It was an amazing date.”
Jimin watches you curiously, but remains silent to let you continue.
“We had dinner, and we played arcade games and we walked around. And he was so… fuck, he was perfect. It was like dating the guy of my dreams.”
Jimin nods knowingly.
“And it surprised you how much you liked him.”
“Yeah,” you sniffle. “At the end, he was holding my hand and just talking about normal, stupid Jungkook shit, but this time it felt like more. Like, I felt in my heart that I wanted to be the one he always talked to about it. I wanted to be the one he came home to at night.”
Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, the care for his sister-in-law clear in his gaze. 
“You don’t just like him, honey. I think you might even love him.”  
You pull baby Jisoo tighter into your grasp and nod, pathetic tears slipping down your face. 
“I just left him. Like, I ran away from him like an asshole.”
Namjoon grunts and takes a spot next to Jimin. “If he loves you, which I’m sure he does, he’ll still be waiting for you.”
Jimin nods and rests a hand on his husband's back. “But you better have one hell of an apology.”
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Jungkook doesn’t answer your phone calls. He doesn’t respond to your texts, snapchats or Instagram DM’s. He doesn’t even look at the TikToks you sent him! It’s becoming infuriating to get in touch with him.
You take matters into your own hands and storm to his apartment after work, the rising tension in your shoulders and stomach full of rocks an indicator of your anxiety about the future of this relationship.
Jungkook opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats. All the carefully crafted words exit your mind at light 
speed and you’re left gasping, wide-eyed at the chiseled body of your best friend.
“Can I help you?” He asks, tone flat.
Ouch.
You push past him into the apartment you know so well. “Yeah, you could start by answering your phone.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes and closes the door, then heads back towards the large gaming setup in the living room.
“My apologies for not responding to the girl who literally ran away from me on a date.”
Your cheeks heat uncomfortably as you stand in the center of his living room, arms crossed over your chest. 
“Jungkook, listen. I’m—”
“Please,” he shakes his head as he sits down at the impressive gaming chair. “Save the apologies. I get it.”
“You don’t get it!” You say, exasperated. “You don’t get any of it! That’s why I’m here.”
Jungkook narrows a look at you then stands from his chair. Slowly, he makes his way towards you and stands inches from your face. The proximity of his bare, toned chest to your body makes your throat dry.
“No, you don’t get it.” His voice is threateningly quiet, completely different from his usual chipper tone. 
“Jungkook, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He quirks his head sarcastically, and you’re struck by the sharp lines of his jaw. “Sorry for running away from the date? Sorry for going on a date? Sorry for making me feel like I had a fucking chance when you kissed me?”
You swallow hard and open your mouth to reply, but he cuts you off.
“I’m sorry too. For giving myself way too much hope that this could ever be something. I’m sorry for myself for thinking you’d at least respect me enough to reject me politely.”
“You always had a chance!” You can feel tears building in your eyes and Jungkook feels his heart pound in his chest like a drum.
He scoffs, a harsh and mirthless laugh. “Clearly not.”
“I just—,” you start. “I never saw you like that before and suddenly you became everything I’ve ever dreamed of. It was like getting hit by a train, Kook! Suddenly my best friend turned into the man of my dreams.”
He shakes his head, stepping back away from you.
“I really find it hard to believe you,” he whispers. “I can’t let myself hope.”
“Jungkook, please,” you beg as tears start slipping down your face. “Please believe me.”
“Just leave,” he sighs. “I hate making you cry.”
You want so badly to wrap yourself in his arms, cry into his chest like you always do when you’re hurt. But you stand still, frozen in your shame and embarrassment of hurting your best friend so badly.
“I’m sorry,” you murmur, before you spin around as quickly as you can and leave Jungkook’s apartment in a flurry.
He watches as the door slams behind you, eyes full of sadness and regret. As much as he wants to believe you, have faith in every word you said, he can’t allow himself to get his hopes up again.
He can’t watch you run away from him again.
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“Welcome back to Kookie’s Wild Weekly Walkthrough!” Jungkook cheers as enthusiastically as he can through his microphone. “The weekly segment where I react to your Minecraft worlds!”
Jungkook needed to dive back into streaming to take his mind off of you. He hasn’t left his apartment in days, only subsisting on takeout and coffee. At least he was making more money and his subscribers didn’t seem to mind the up-tick in content.
“Tonight I’ll be walking through a creation sent by,” he squints at the username. “‘Kookiesgal95’ Aww that’s cute.”  
He readies the content and starts his camera as he watches the YouTube link. His subscribers love his reaction videos—it’s a highly requested segment.
The video starts off easily, a generic Minecraft world that looks like a park.
“Hi Kook.”
The voice that reverberates through his headphones makes him pause the video quickly, wide-eyed with recognition.
It’s you. He’d know that voice from a million others. 
Shit. He’s going to have to edit so much of this clip. He’s staring at the screen as if he’s just seen a ghost.
Unsteadily, he clicks play again and watches as you lead him through your Minecraft creation.
“I wanted to recreate something for someone very special in my life.”
Jungkook doesn’t even bother to react to this anymore. This entire video is going to be worthless—there’s nothing he can say.
The video pans around the Minecraft setup and he can see what looks like handmade swings and merry go rounds.
“It took me a really long time to do this and an embarrassing amount of help from some twelve-year-olds on the internet.”
He laughs and is stunned by the wet tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was crying.
“I re-created a park that is really special to my best friend and I.”
He feels his chest tighten and relax. The park. 
“This is the spot where he held me when my dog died when I was nine. I still miss that dog.”
The view is on a spot next to a blocky oak tree. Jungkook remembers that day, remembers your heartbroken sobs as he whispered words of comfort to you. He misses that dog, too. 
“This is where he and my brother got in a fight when we were eleven, because my brother called me a stupid-head. My best friend has always been protective of me, even from my own big brother.”
He can still remember pushing Namjoon around after hearing him call you names. He pushed Namjoon over and threatened to use his “big muscles” if he did it again.
The camera pans to an enormous structure, rather sloppily made, of a slide and monkey bars.
“This is where we first shared a joint in high school. I coughed a lung up and he ran down the street to a gas station at ten pm to get me a bottle of water even though I told him I was okay,”
The memory of the bewildered 7-11 employee plays through his mind. The man watched as a very stoned, very out of breath, Jungkook paid for a bottle of water in coins.
The video continues playing, moves towards what appears to be a parking lot made of cobblestone blocks.
“This is where he held me when my world fell apart.”
The break-up. The way you cried and cried and cried in his arms and he held you as if you were the only thing left on Earth. 
“This is where he reminded me I’m worthy of love, that I’m not broken. This is where he held me like I was delicate, but treated me like I was unbreakable.”
His tears don’t stop. Jungkook feels his heart thundering in his chest like a summer storm. 
He can hear your sniffles through the recording of the video—you were crying too. It pans around to the swing set.
“And this is where I’ll tell him everything, tonight. Where I’ll tell him how deeply I love him and how I want to make him the happiest guy in the world. In all of Minecraft and beyond. I hope he comes.”
Jungkook doesn’t even bother turning his camera off.
Instead, he’s running to change out of his three-day-old clothes and bolt out the door.
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The creaky, rusty metal of the swing set is deafeningly loud in the silence of your park.
It’s dark, just a few street lights around to illuminate the perimeter, but it’s otherwise only lit by the moon.
It’s getting cold. You shiver in your hoodie and kick at the dirt under your swing. 
Maybe he didn’t see the video. Maybe he wasn’t going to show.
Maybe it was too late.
You spent hours working on the Minecraft world, staying up at all hours of the night to build and craft a poor re-creation of this park. The twelve-year-olds on Reddit had been invaluable and Namjoon definitely made fun of you for your creative assistants. But it had all been worth it. 
“Fuck,” you speak out loud to no one, as you try to warm your hands in the pockets of your sweater. “It’s cold.”
“You should have brought a jacket.”
The sudden voice from behind startles you. You hop off the swing and whip around to face  down the intruder.
Jungkook.
He looks so good. He’s wearing a thick coat and tight jeans. Your eyes take a delicious journey from head to toe.
He can’t help but preen at your blatant appreciation. He enjoys knowing you’re attracted to him, at least physically.
“You came.”
He nods and takes a nervous step towards you. He’s still far away, more than an arm's-reach away. You’re desperate to bring him closer, to pull him tight against your body and wrap yourself around him. You never want to be without his gentle touch again.
“I felt pretty compelled to come after you made all this in Minecraft for me.” He cracks a wry smile, a boy-ish grin that makes your heart flutter.
“It took me twenty-five hours and some teenagers to help.”
He laughs, a beautiful sound that warms you. “I’m sure they were ecstatic to help.”
You chew at the inside of your cheek, nervous at what he thinks about your in-game confession.
“Did you mean it?” He asks. He steps closer—one more step.
“Every word.”
His eyes are searching yours for the truth, desperately diving into the depths for validity.
“Why did you run away?” Another step.
You swallow hard, heavy tears brimming in your eyes.
“You went from being the silly best friend to being the person I could spend the rest of my life with. It all hit me. It’s always been you.”
One more step and now he’s just within your reach. If you stuck your hand out, your fingers would graze the soft puff of his coat, the delicate skin of his neck. 
“I’ve always felt that way about you. I never thought you’d feel the same.”
You smile softly, timidly. “It just took me a little while longer to realize it.”
All at once, Jungkook closes the gap and holds you gently by your cheeks. His thumbs wipe at the moisture under your eyes. 
“I promise to never make you cry again,” he whispers reverently. 
“And I promise to never run away from you again.” 
Jungkook smiles at that, cradling your face like you’re the most expensive and precious jewel. 
“Can I kiss you again?” He asks, somewhat unsure of himself. 
“I would like it if you would.”
As Jungkook presses his cold, plush lips to your own, you make a promise to yourself to never go a day without kissing him again. 
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“I can’t believe you’re in my bedroom,” Jungkook murmurs as he kisses at your face. After the park, Jungkook loaded you into his priceless Nissan and scurried home. You could hardly keep your hands off him as he drove you back to his place—reaching and caressing the spots on his body you’re dying to become familiar with. 
“I’ve been in your bedroom before,” you remind him as he tugs up the hoodie you’re wearing. 
“God, don’t be so semantic when I’m trying to fuck you,” he says before throwing the hoodie to a corner of the room. “You know what I mean.”
Jungkook kisses you again, all lips and teeth and tongue. He kisses you like you’re the last breath of air, and he’s greedy for every bit. He grips your hips, not too tight, and brings your body against his. You can feel him grow in hardness in his too tight, and it feels like bliss. 
Teasingly, you grind your hips against his, making him shudder with desire.
“I want you,” he whines as he nibbles at your lip. 
“Really? I couldn’t tell.”
He opens his eyes to level a look at you, pulling his mouth away from yours. 
“You’re such a little smartass.”
His hands become feverish on your jeans, tugging apart the button and flicking down the fly. He pushes them down quickly, and you kick them off carelessly. 
He can’t stop looking at you in your bra and panties, standing at the foot of his bed. 
“Holy shit, okay, this is happening, right? Like, this is real?” 
You smirk, pleased with Jungkook’s obvious excitement. 
“Let me prove it’s not just a dream.” 
Softly, you spin Jungkook around and push him down to sit on his bed. He complies easily, eyes wide and excited. 
“If this is a dream, would you be able to feel this?” You ask as you unbuckle  his belt and open his jeans. He doesn’t reply, simply watches you as you tug his jeans down to his thighs. 
His cock strains hard against his tight boxers, and you run a teasing finger over the obvious bulge. 
“Oh fuck,” he breathes. 
“Feels pretty real, huh?”
“Y-yeah.” 
Your delicate hands gently tug at the waistband of his boxers and easily work them down enough to free the length of his cock. It springs out easily and your eyes widen at the impressive size. You assumed he would be at least average, but you’re looking at something definitely more. 
“Oh wow,” you whisper. “You’re fucking huge.” 
Jungkook grins. “All for you, baby.” The cockiness is palpable. 
One solid grip around him wipes the presumptuous smile off his face, replaced with a gasping, shuddering moan. 
“How about this? Not a dream?”
He struggles to find his voice, instead he’s gulping for air like a fish out of water. 
“That’s what I thought,” you whisper before settling into a position on your knees. “I’ll admit, I’ve dreamt about this too. I always felt so ashamed for dreaming about sucking my best friend's cock.”
You press soft kisses to the head of his length, teasing the sensitive areas at the tip before kissing up and down the length. 
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
His evident desire for you encourages you, and your tongue swipes at the crown of his tip and swirls around it gently. 
“Oh my god.” His eyes shutter closed and you trace the veins in his dick with your tongue. 
“This h-has to be a dreeeaaaaam,” he whines as you make an exceptionally long stripe with the flat of your tongue. 
You pull off for a moment, humming. He springs his eyes open and watches as you reach behind your back and unsnap your bra. Your breasts escape with a bounce and his eyes widen, nearly bulging out of their sockets. 
“What the fuck,” he whines. “You have the most amazing tits.”
He reaches out to grasp them and you slap them away playfully. 
“Not yet,” you smirk. “Still trying to convince you you’re not asleep.” 
He sucks in his breath and puts his hands back to the bed to steady himself, eyes never leaving yours (except to stare at the luscious curves of your body). 
Grasping your breasts in both hands, you smash them together lightly in an elaborate show of what Jungkook wants most. You lean over his body and place the throbbing thickness of his cock in between your tits, allowing him to feel just how soft and warm they are. 
“Shit!” He yelps, grabbing his sheets in a tight fist. “Are you really tit-fucking me right now?!”
Slowly, you lift your body up and down, allowing his cock to feel each stroke of your breasts. You nod at his question and continue to pump up and down. 
“Still dreaming?” 
He whines and shakes his head, already feeling so close to the edge. His cock is slick from your teasing licks and the pressure of your tits surrounding him had his mind spinning with desire. 
“Ahhh, I’m so fucking close,” he warns.
You continue, speeding up the friction and pressure of your strokes. 
“I want you to cum on me, Kook,” you whisper encouragingly. “Cum on my tits, please?”
Jungkook feels like he’s a wire about to snap, and your thick, sultry voice and incredibly perfect breasts are the snips that breaks him apart. 
“Oh, shit,” he grunts. “Gonna paint your titties white, baby.”
His moans echo around the walls of his bedroom, small gasps of pleasure and your name escaping his perfectly plump pout. 
His hot load splatters on your chest, and you stroke him through each pulse of his cock. You’re slippery with his seed now, and when you pull away from his spent length, you make a show of rubbing in his cum over your chest.
“Okay, definitely not dreaming,” he says in a daze as he watches you lift a wet finger to your mouth, popping it in to clean it off. “Who knew you were so fucking kinky?” 
His confidence grows as he catches his breath. He can’t believe he’s sitting on his bed with you on your knees, breasts covered in his load. You’re suckling the cum off your finger like it’s his cock, and he’s desperate for more.
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me,” you shrug. 
Swiftly, he grabs you gently by your bicep and pulls you close, sucking at your lips until you’re both standing. 
“I plan to find out everything.” 
Suddenly, you’re switching positions and Jungkook is pushing you down into the bed. You lay flat in the center, body relaxed and eager for your best friend.
“What are you doing?” You ask. He’s still standing at the end of the bed, watching you get comfortable. Once he’s satisfied that you’re lying exactly how you want, he settles himself by your feet.
“Worshipping you,” he says as he lifts an ankle and presses gentle kisses to your calf. “Showing you how much I adore you.” More kisses, soft and sweet. “Showing you how I plan on treating you for the rest of your life.” 
He takes his time, lavishing your legs with his mouth. He kisses and sucks at any spot, sexual or not. He mouths at the roundness of your knees, your firm hamstrings. He presses his love into the skin of your thighs, mouthing his praises with each kiss. 
He reaches the dip of your hips and he gently kisses your exposed skin as he tugs your cotton panties off you. 
“I have loved every inch of you since before I can remember,” he praises as his lips skim over the mound of your cunt. “And I don’t plan on stopping soon.” 
Your body feels like it’s on fire, as if Jungkook lights a match at every spot his lips press against. Your eyes close, and you allow Jungkook to continue his pious worship of your body. 
He teases around your folds, kissing your labia ever so gently—making you gasp. He doesn’t linger long, only kisses you enough to stir the licking flames of heat in your belly.  
He kisses at your stomach, gently nibbling and laving at the softness there. You try to hide from him, try to hide your insecurities of your body in his thorough exploration, but he moves your hands. 
“I know you don’t like this part of your body,” he murmurs. His voice is so soft, so pure and sincere. “But I do. I love everything about you.” 
His tongue swirls around your belly button, making you gasp at the ticklish sensation. 
“You’re so pretty. So perfect.” 
He continues upwards, lips now trailing to your full breasts. He takes his time there, licking and kissing and flicking at your nipples with his tongue. It feels exhilarating—Jungkook’s mouth feels like everything you want it to feel like. His tongue is warm, and he bites with just enough pressure to make your back arch off the bed into his embrace.
His hands explore, taking stock of every millimeter of skin he can find. He wants to memorize every freckle, every bump, every scar and line. Your body is his paradise, and all he can think of is you, you, you.
One hand travels down your body as he moves his lips up your neck. It snakes down your stomach and deftly slides over your soaked core. You whine as you feel his fingers part your folds and dip into the wetness.
“So wet,” he says out loud, verbalizing every tantalizing detail of your body. “So perfect.”
His lips are finally at your own and you kiss him passionately, tongue swirling around his as he slides his two fingers past your clit and into your drenched hole. You gasp against his mouth, eyes widening as he slowly scissors his fingers into you and pumps slowly. It’s almost teasing, the way he fucks his fingers in you. Slow, firm movements with his powerful hands.
“Jungkook!” You gasp. He doesn’t reply, instead he bites at your lip and tugs, then trails his hot mouth back down to your nipples. He can’t get enough of your breasts and the slightly salty taste of him still lingering.
“You feel so good,” he says as he speeds his fingers up minutely. “So tight and wet for me.”
Your hips writhe in need. He’s giving you what you need, but not enough. You need more, more. You want to feel him, all of him, spearing you open.
“Please, Kook,” you groan. “I need you.”
He laughs softly against your nipple and sucks extra hard, letting it pop out of his mouth audibly.
“And I need you, my love.”
“Fuck me, please.” You’re desperate, thighs quaking from the slow teasing. “I want you to fuck me, Jungkook.”
Chills shudder down Jungkook’s spine and he’s powerless to say no, not when you demand it so well.
“With pleasure,” he agrees. He pulls his fingers from within you and copies your move, sliding them into his mouth to suck your essence off. 
He’s never looked sexier. His eyes are dark chocolate pools of burning intensity, and you feel your breath become shaky as you watch him clean his fingers with precision.
After he’s deemed his fingers sufficiently clean, he settles himself between your legs. Easily, he lifts your hips and shoves a pillow underneath, elevating you to a more comfortable position. He grabs your legs and tosses each over his shoulders so they’re higher in the air. 
“I’m going to fuck you so good, baby,” he promises as he rubs the tip of his cock on your soppy slit. “Condom?”
You shake your head, appreciative of his question but desperate to feel him completely.
“Birth control. Regularly tested. Haven’t had sex in a while,” you blurt out. “You good?”
He nods in agreement. “Same. Well, except the birth control. But, I’d take it if they made it for men.”
“Jungkook!” You whine. Your best friend is so easily sidetracked. “Please, can you fuck me?”
He grins. “Tsk, someone is impatient.”
A low moan is rumbling in your chest as he continues to rub his thick cock at your entrance.
“I swear to god, you’re the biggest tease.”
“Oh, I’m definitely the biggest.”
Before you can react, he’s pushing past your entrance and sliding deep in your walls. Your position makes his cock feel deep, and he bottoms out and stills there, eyes closed in bliss.
“Holy shit,” he gasps. “This is absolutely the best pussy I’ve ever felt.”
You wiggle your hips as you get used to the sensation of the delicious stretch.
“Please don’t tell me how many pussies you’ve felt when you’re balls deep inside of me.”
Jungkook turns his head and kisses at your legs resting on his shoulders, lavishing them with his praise once more as he keeps his cock buried inside your tight heat.
“Yours is the only one that matters. The only pussy I’ll ever be in for the rest of my life.”
“That’s a good answer,” you smile. “Now, fuck me, lover boy.”
Jungkook winks and grips your hips with his hands. He swiftly pulls out, enamored with the way his cock is already covered in your creamy essence, then eagerly pushes back in. He sets a pace and soon the sound of skin clapping on skin echoes around the room.
“Oh god!” You’re moaning loudly, unabashedly. You’re thankful that Jungkook’s old roommate, Yoongi, moved out to live with his boyfriend Hoseok months ago. He’d definitely complain about the noise for months. “Fuck, Jungkook, you feel so good.”
Jungkook fucks into you with ferocity, speed and power gradually rising as he feels his core tighten with the coming anticipation of release.
“Mmm, you look so fucking sexy like this,” he murmurs. “Getting fucked by your best friend’s fat cock.”
He moves a hand from your hip, trails it up your body to squeeze at your breast, before he’s cupping your face once again. His hips snap against yours and he loves the way your mouth utters little squeaks and gasps with each deep thrust into you.
“God, my beautiful girl,” he groans. “Can’t wait to cum in this pussy, shit, you got me so fucking close.”
You open your mouth desperately and Jungkook easily slips his thumb in. You latch on quickly and suck, tongue swirling around the tip like you’re sucking another cock. It nearly sends him over the edge and the speed of his hips matches his desperate need for more.
“Fucking hell,” he bites back. He can feel his belly tighten, driven further and further to the edge by the constricting wetness of your cunt. 
He pulls his thumb out and moves it down to where his cock spears into you, allowing your spit to swirl with his thumb around your clit. Your core tightens around him at the added stimulation and your back arches up in ecstasy.
“I’m so c-close, Kook,” you plead, as if begging for mercy. “Please, I want to cum so bad.”
The speed of his thumb increases, and he watches as your face twists in pleasure and desperation. 
“Cum on my cock, baby, let me see you fall apart. Show me what I’ve dreamt of for so long.”
A high and wanton cry ripples out of your body as he savagely increases his speed, both his cock and thumb working overtime to drive you towards your end. The butterflies that erupt in your lower stomach make your moans louder, higher. You’re so close, closer than ever. It’s building to an incredible crescendo.
He can tell you’re close—he sees it on your face as your back arches and your fists grip his sheets.
“You look like a fucking angel, baby,” he whines as he soaks in the vision of you writhing underneath him. “I bet you cum like an angel, too. Let me see it, let me see.”
With just a few more swirls of his thumb and his deep, hard strokes, you’re soaring over the edge into a pool of nothingness. Your cunt pulsates wildly around his length, milking and stroking it with your tight walls. You throw your head back, moaning out his name at the top of his lungs, letting his neighbors know just who fucks you so well.
“Holy shit,” he gasps, hips stuttering as he fucks into your juicy hole. “That was so fucking sexy.”
You grip his forearms, holding onto him tight and encourage him to go harder. “Cum inside me, Kookie, please. I’m all yours, make me yours.”
His heart feels like it might burst in his chest. He’s always wanted you to say it to him, to hand over your love to him like he does so easily to you. It’s all so much, so overwhelming, and the feeling of your hot cunt still fluttering around him sends him reeling into his own completion. 
He spills into you, warm seed coating your walls and pooling inside your womb. He fucks himself through each throb of his cock until he’s sure he’s drained every ounce of himself into you.
Your legs slip off his shoulders easily, and he gently pulls himself out of you. He falls beside you, panting with exertion, and wraps an arm around you.
After a few silent moments of catching your breath, Jungkook pulls you in close to him until he can koala-cling to you, arms and legs both wrapped around your body.
“Mine,” he whispers as he kisses your head. “All mine.”
You return the favor, clinging to your best friend—boyfriend—like he’s your only lifeline.
“All yours.”
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“So, you’re telling me, you got together because of Minecraft?” Jimin asks, pointing a fork in your direction. It’s been months now since your grand virtual declaration of love for Jungkook. Months of bliss and romance, laughter and companionship. 
You were right all along. Jungkook is everything you’ve wanted in a man and more.
You’re sitting at your brother’s expensive dinner table, enjoying a meal with his family with your boyfriend at your side.
“Yeah, Jimin, I guess that’s what I’m saying,” you retort as you roll your eyes. “Minecraft and Tinder.”
Baby Jisoo is awake and in your brother’s arms, but she’s whining and wiggling to leave him.
“What’s wrong, Soo?” Namjoon asks with a pout on his lips. “Why don’t you want daddy anymore?”
Jimin snorts at his husband and you hold out your arms for your baby niece. “Come here, baby, I know you want auntie.”
Namjoon dutifully hands over his daughter, sulking that he’s been picked over for his sister. 
You cradle the baby in your arms, expecting her to calm once she’s there, but she continues to fuss. She’s thrusting her arms out and nearly crying, reaching towards Jungkook who’s busy chowing down on Jimin’s homemade ramen.
“I think she wants you, Kook,” you murmur. He looks at you, then to the baby, then back to you, before he wipes his hands and face clean with a napkin.
“Oh, okay,” he whispers, slowly taking the baby from your arms with your help. “Hello, ma’am.”
Namjoon and Jimin laugh. “She’s a baby, Jungkook, not an elderly woman,” your brother teases.
Jungkook doesn’t listen. He’s too busy cooing at the baby in his arms and playing with her tiny hands. Namjoon turns his attention away and looks at you.
“Guess I won’t be the only provider of grandchildren for much longer.”
You playfully glare at him and turn away to watch your boyfriend. Watching Jungkook interact with your niece makes your heart swell, your soul sing. He’d be a perfect father.
“I swear, if he teaches her how to play Minecraft, he’s banned from the household,” Jimin grumbles. “This is a No-Nerd-Zone.”
Jungkook cradles the child and rocks back and forth, singing her a soft, made-up song, before he looks over at you.
“Hey, I want one of these,” he smiles. “Can we have one?”
You lay a hand on your stomach, a soft bump not quite visible yet. It’s only been one test, the lines faintly indicating ‘positive’ on the stick. You wanted to make sure, get confirmation before you spill the beans.
“Sure, Kookie.”
He grins and leans over to kiss you, before turning his attention back to the baby. “Okay, Jisoo, now let me tell you all about the Endermen.”
Jimin groans. “Oh my god, do not give Minecraft facts to my infant!”
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tag list - @giadalin @nohayarcoirissintormenta @pjmislovely @xhazmania @marcoazam2 @eggbutnotyolk @feel-the-sunset @unicornbabylover @aretha170 @jeonmisha @hordanhearsawhooo 
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© ppersonna - 2021 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.
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drakenology · 4 years ago
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ˢᵗᵃʳ ᴮᵒʸ ⁻ ᴬᵗˢᵘᵐᵘ ᴹⁱʸᵃ
ʷᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: smut, drug use (weed), alcohol use, raw sex, spitting, inexperienced!reader, corruption?, atsumu is the weeknd, reader is a fan girl.
ᵃᵘᵗʰᵒʳ’ˢ ⁿᵒᵗᵉ: yo yo! so this is for the rolling loud event for my girl @loveatsutani. I love u bitch. I aint gon neva stop lovin you bitch. anyways, hope yall enjoy and make sure to check out the other participants!
w͟o͟r͟d͟ ͟c͟o͟u͟n͟t͟:͟ ͟1͟.͟8͟k͟
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Atsumu aka Tsumu was an icon in his own right and the self proclaimed “Star Boy” made sure to show it off. Fame cost him a lot though. Personal space was limited and privacy was a luxury. It was also hard to find a genuine woman who didn’t only like him for his money and fame. Atsumu knew these things would come when he pursued his newest passion in music, but the screaming and adoring fans were all worth the trouble.
Tonight was the night he headlined for Rolling Loud, performing as well as he usually did - and looking good doing it too. Singing was a talent he never knew he had until one day he just sat with some friends, smoked some pot and just belted out some R&B. People compare his music to that of The Weeknd which gained him a plethora of female fans. He watched from the stage as thousands of women flash their breasts, throwing their bras onto the stage. He’s such a tease he lifts his shirt up to flash them his abs, listening to them scream louder as he finishes his song.
“Thanks so much. Yer all amazin’.” Atsumu huffed, out of breath and sweaty from jumping around on stage singing and rapping all night. He waves goodbye to his fans, scooping a few bras off the ground and running back stage to get ready for his after party. One thing Mr. Miya Atsumu was an expert in was throwing an absolute rager of a party. There was always weed to smoke, drinks flowing and gorgeous girls ready to hand him their panties. With his security in tow, He waves goodbye to the fans waiting in line to get inside as he leaves the venue, even signing a few breasts on the way. “Star Boy.” was always his signature.
Atsumu’s house was jumping as the loud music bumped against the walls from the vibrations of the bass. Everybody was having a great time, including him as he downed another shot of vodka.
He stood cooly against the wall when you walked in with a group of friends of yours all dressed to be fucked stupid somewhere in his house. You especially caught his attention with those tits of yours practically jumping out of your dress as you exclaim excitedly about being in the Tsumu’s house.
You and your friends start dancing to the music, grinding on each other and shaking your asses much to Atsumu’s amusement. His eyes wandered across your body as you danced, locking onto your hips as they swayed to the beat of the music.
You’re enchanting to him as your hands travel up and down your body, caressing your hips and grabbing your friends’ asses to hype them up as they twerked. His mind began to imagine your plush thighs wrapped around his waist, imagining the way you’d look under him as your tits jumped with every harsh thrust he delivered. He wanted to hear you moan his stage name as his tongue delved deep into your sweet little cunt, to feel your thighs squish against his face as you cum on his mouth. That’s it, he’s going to approach you.
“Hey, gorgeous.” He slurred, feeling a little saucy from the alcohol he earlier consumed as he leaned into your ear. You immediately turn around to see Tsumu towering over you, smirking as you continue to dance.
“Oh my god! Hi! I’m such a big fan!” You squeal excitedly, only further stroking Atsumu’s ego hearing your sweet voice pitch in excitement over just the sight of him.
“Are ya? Wanna show me just how big of a fan ya are?” He asks, his hands on the small of your back to lead you away from the crowd. Maybe this was why he couldn’t meet genuine women to spend his riches and his time on. But tonight - with the way you look, he could care less about settling down right now.
You of course agreed to go to his room with him, waving to your friends as they raised their glasses in celebration of you bedding Tsumu of all people in this party. His lips meet yours as soon as you reach his bedroom door, moaning into your mouth as he opens it to lead you to the bed without breaking the kiss.
His hands lift up your dress to get a good look at your curves, running them up and down your hips and thighs before spreading them. With his breath hitching in his throat, he groans at the wet spot on your pretty little panties.
“Someone’s excited.” Atsumu teased, running his thumb over your covered clit. Your hips buck a bit from the feeling, gasping as his thumb moves in circles.
“Tsumu, I-I have to tell you somethin’.” You moan, locking your hazy eyes onto his. His eyebrow raised as he peeled your panties off your soaked pussy, licking his lips when he sees your slick pull from it as it sticks to the fabric.
“Hm?” He questioned, collecting your slick with his fingers.
“I um.. I don’t really have much experience. ‘M not a virgin but I’ve only had sex maybe twice in my life.” You admit, feeling your cheeks get hot when he starts to chuckle. God, that only made his cock grow harder. It was hard to believe someone as hot as you didn’t have very much sex but the possibility of becoming the best you’ve ever had was an accomplishment he needed under his belt. He was definitely about to teach you a thing or two.
“Don’t worry, love. ‘M gonna take good fuckin’ care of ya.” He smirked, laying in front of you to rest his head between your nervous thighs. He didn’t want to wait another second to taste you, his tongue parting your sopping wet folds with a soft groan. Your hands find their way into his dyed hair, mewling softly when you feel his tongue gliding against spots that have never been touched.
You gasp sharply when his tongue sinks inside you, your eyes rolling back when he slurps and laps up your juices hungrily. You feel your hips grinding against his face, Atsumu laughing against your skin at your eagerness. He doesn’t keep you still, instead he follows your movements with his tongue. He pulls away to spit on your already sloppy cunt, diving back in without a second to brace.
“T-Tsumu!” You shriek, his ears seeming to perk when he hears his name leave your pretty mouth. He pulls away just to hear you whine, watching as your pussy flutters around nothing.
“Anyone ever tell ya how pretty yer little pussy is, baby?” He asks, licking your slick off his lips before crawling up your body to kiss you. You shake your head no, which wasn’t a lie.
His hands go to take off his jeans, feeling your hands excitedly run up and down those famous abs of his. He takes your wrists and pins you down, pulling your dress down to expose your bare breasts. No bra? God. Immediately he’s leaving hickies all over your skin, nipping and sucking at your nipples before gliding his tongue over your hardened nipples.
“‘M making you feel good, yeah?” He asks, wanting to hear you say it from your mouth being that he already knew the answer. You nod.
“Uh-huh. N-No one’s ever made me feel like this before.” You say as he pulls you closer to his groin by your hips. He takes his hefty cock out, your eyes watching it twitch and leak with pre-cum as you absentmindedly lick your lips.
He prods your weeping hole with the fat tip of him, rubbing the underside of his cock against your pussy. Your hips grind, trying to get him to slide inside you as your plump lips form an impatient pout. This time he doesn’t reward your eagerness, instead holding your hips down and continuing to tease you with his dick.
“I’ll give it to ya if ya ask nicely, sweet heart.” Atsumu says smirking, causing you to whine.
“Please, Tsumu. Fuck me. I wanna feel you. Please, Tsumu, please.” You plead, your eyes going doe-like as your lashes flutter.
With those magic words you feel him split you open, a long drawn out mewl leaving your lips as you feel him bottom out immediately. He waits for you to adjust, sliding in and out of you slowly to get your tight cunt to adjust to the size of him. He knows he’s big, but you’re already taking him so well he can’t help but to speed up to form the shape of his cock into your pussy.
You can’t help but scream and rake your manicured nails into his back, feeling your gelatinous thighs quake as you try and hold them open. His palms press your thighs into your chest, his full balls smacking against your ass as he starts to fuck you into the bed. You can’t even control your sounds, knowing that if it weren’t for the bumping music downstairs the whole party would be able to hear your desperate cries.
“M-More Tsumu. H-Harder!” You beg, trying not to let your moans muddle your sentence as he does what you ask. You were quite possibly the best pussy he’s fucked in a long time. Even though he’s had sex with many beautiful women around the world, none of them felt as warm and inviting as you did.
Your cunt practically swallowed him whole, his eyes glued onto the way your walls tried to pull him back inside when he pulled away. He smacked your outer thigh and told you to bend over for him, groaning when you do so so urgently. You were so eager to please, he even contemplated keeping you around.
“Such a sexy little body, baby. Look at this ass.” He said, his big hands grabbing and smacking the fat of it. His cock twitched at the way it jiggles in ripples, sliding it inside you to see it smack against his lap. You feel him hit new angles, new spots, feeling yourself hanging on by a thin thread.
His heavy balls smack against your throbbing clit with each rut of his hips, yelping when he smacks your ass every so often. Your cries get louder when you feel him hitting the soft spongy spot that’s never been touched by any man. Your cunt squeezes him tight, without warning cumming around him as your eyes well up with pleasurable tears.
“Uuhhh fuck, angel. Yer so fuckin’ tight. Gonna make me cum.” He groaned, spitting down onto hs cock to make his length slicker. You hear him hissing and cussing, his thrusts stuttering until you feel him push deep inside you to cum in thick and sticky ropes. You moan at the warm and wet sensation, humming when he fucks his cum inside you deep. The feeling in your chest was unmistakable when he pulled out of you, unfortunately feeling yourself develop feelings for the super star you just fucked - a curse that came with the female orgasm. But Tsumu was a Star Boy and couldn’t be held down.
Or could he?
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comfyswitcherblanketfort · 4 years ago
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Grunge-Metal Geralt 2
holy fucking shit yall really loved the first one so I wrote some more
this is totally self indulgent tho. like yall have no idea. if i could live in any AU it would be this one. i have so many feels.
Warnings: drinking mention, nothing over the top, unwanted pics taken but like they’re celebrities? i guess, we get a bit emotional about past relationships/crushes but nothing too heavy
__________________________
Jaskier had no idea how he got there, but he was knocking on a green room door with a temporary label reading ‘The Witchers’ before the stadium had completely emptied. 
Lambert yanked the door open, Aiden clinging to his back like a monkey, and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head before a huge grin spread over his face, “Hey there, Jaskier!”
Eskel grumbled, “Haha, Bert. No need to fuck with Geralt.” 
Jaskier shoved his hands in his corduroys and rocked up onto his toes, “He’s not fucking with anyone,” he laughed, desperately trying to keep the nerves out of his voice as he peeked around the door jam. 
Geralt was curled up in the corner of a couch, now wearing a massive grey-blue hoodie and gold wire-rimmed glasses, scribbling in a composition notebook propped up on his knees. His hair was pulled back in a disaster of a bun with pieces falling in his face but Jaskier absolutely loved it. It suited him. He hesitated a moment before scrawling one last line in his notebook, brow furrowed as he chewed on his bottom lip.
When he looked up he snapped his notebook shut, “Holy fuck,” he breathed, “Hi!”
His eyes were actually gold. Jaskier had just thought that was some thirst driven exaggeration. He expected light brown, but no. He was staring directly at eyes that practically sparkled.
Lambert waved Jaskier in and he hesitantly stepped through the door, “Hi! I uh, dig your boots.” 
“Th- Thank you,” Geralt bit back a grin, blushing bright pink as he stood up, “I didn’t think you’d see my message. Or respond.” 
“After that performance?” Jaskier, normally bard-worthy with his quick tongue and easy conversation, was feeling his own cheeks heat up as he scrambled for something to say, “I’m honestly not sure if I even locked my car when I came back in.” 
Eskel snickered from behind Jaskier, stretching and putting his feet up on a coffee table, “Told ya.”
Aiden sighed and rested his chin on top of Lambert’s head, “This is so cute.”
Jaskier laughed, not entirely uncomfortably but definitely awkward, and ran a hand through his hair, turning back to Geralt. 
Geralt pushed his glasses farther up his nose and snatched his wallet from the coffee table, “I offered drinks. You wanna…” Geralt trailed off and made an exasperated, and maybe a little annoyed face at the guys behind him but when Jaskier turned around they were pretending to mind their own business, “How does Pensive sound?” 
Jaskier shot him a grin, “Sounds perfect.”
Geralt snagged his keys from a bag and held the door open for Jaskier, “After you.” 
-
“Okay so,” Jaskier took a sip of his drink and set it in line with their two empty glasses and a napkin holder, “Aiden and Lambert fuck?” he asked, pushing an empty glass and the napkin holder together. Geralt snorted and nodded so he went on, “And Eskel and Lambert are brothers?” Another nod as he tapped the two empty glasses, “And you and Eskel were college roommates?” he asked, gesturing to his half-empty glass. 
Geralt grinned, “You know, you’re keeping up pretty well for a self-proclaimed lightweight.” 
Jaskier giggled, “I’m trying really fucking hard.” 
Geralt leaned his head back and laughed and Jaskier was absolutely done for. He rested his elbow on the table and his head in his hand as he stared dreamily at this adorable man. He was carefree and soft around the edges, nothing like Jaskier had expected from the lyrics he’d listened to all night. And either he was a good listener or Jaskier had had one too many vodka-crans. 
When Geralt finally got himself under control he took off his glasses to wipe at his eyes before placing them back on his nose with a grimace, “I shouldn’t have taken my contacts out.” 
“Old prescription?” 
Geralt blushed, “Don’t usually wear them in public,” He admitted, pushing the frames higher.
Jaskier must have had too much to drink because he reached out and tucked a curly strand of white hair behind Geralt’s ear, “I think they’re cute on you.” 
Geralt’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at Jaskier, jaw hanging down just a bit, his pupils blown wide. Jaskier bit his lip and smiled as he pulled his hand away and rested it on the table between them, hoping Geralt would get the hint. Gods he just wanted to hold his hand and giggle until the sun came up. 
“Thank you,” Geralt muttered, blinking a couple times and laying one of his hands over Jaskier’s. 
“Can I ask you something?”
Geralt licked his lips and nodded, shaking the hair loose that Jaskier had just tucked away. 
“Why that song?” Jaskier stared at their hands, not having the courage to look at Geralt in case the answer wasn’t what he wanted it to be. 
“Hmm…” he didn’t sound upset, but he was certainly choosing his words carefully, “I’ve done the whole.. How do I put it?” Jaskier looked up at him only to see him staring at their hands too, “...‘I could be enough for you if you’d let me’ dance more times than I can count… and knowing it would never happen but yearning anyway…” he chuckled and glanced up at Jaskier, a sad look of acceptance in his eyes, “And I love your voice.”
Of course, he’d heard those words before, it was his job to have a good voice, but fuck, they hit different coming from Geralt. He was so earnest and disarmingly handsome that Jaskier felt anything he said would make him giddy. His chest felt warm and it took a moment for his brain to catch up. He had planned on showering Geralt with praise and adoration, not the other way around. 
Jaskier squeezed his hand, “I love yours too,” he whispered.
There was that gorgeous blush again, making Jaskier’s heart skip a beat. 
“I can’t imagine anyone thinking you’re not magnificent,” Jaskier mumbled, watching Geralt blush even deeper and dip his head so the loose hairs covered his face a bit. Jaskier may have been a flirty drunk, but he was one hundred percent sure he’d be just as forward with Geralt sober. He wasn’t leaving the bar without making damn sure Geralt knew he was gorgeous and talented and everything Jaskier could imagine wanting in life. 
“Careful. You can’t just say things like that,” Geralt warned, flicking the hair out of his eyes with a guarded but amused smile. 
“And why not?”
Geralt squinted at him for a moment, “I might believe you.” 
“Geralt, darling,” Jaskier started, sitting up and turning to square his hips toward him, holding his large hand in both of his, “I don’t mince words. I mean everything I say. And tweet. I really do think you’re wonderful. And I really do want you to sing me to sleep. Sometime. Anytime. I’m not picky.”
Geralt raised his eyebrows and took a breath in to say something but was interrupted by a camera flash in the low light of the bar and someone swearing.
“Oi!” Jaskier turned toward the light, and the idiot fumbling with their phone. 
Geralt squeezed his hand before he could say anything more, “It’s alright. The hair kinda glows in the dark, I’m used to it. I was thinking we could get out of here?”
Jaskier did his best not to let the sly smile take over his face and give him away, “Would you like to come to my place?”
Geralt grinned, “Absolutely. Mine is a shit show right now.”
“Is it really that bad?” Jaskier joked as they stood.
“Eskel is a slob,” Geralt laughed.
“Mine it is!” Jaskier declared, slapping enough cash to cover their drinks and an exorbitant tip on the table.
They walked out of the bar with Geralt’s arm around Jaskier’s shoulders, both with giddy smiles and a little extra pep in their step. 
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idontblushsrry · 4 years ago
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Inuyasha Characters As Roomates
In honor of yashahime’s release i’ve decided to post this for no real reason.Can you tell who my bias is lmao. Lmk if I should do a Part 2 with the people I missed. Also I apologize I haven’t updated in like a year I have a post addressing this coming up soon. Thank you for your continued support despite the fact that I’ve been updating infrequently, I really appreciate it. Without further ado:
Warnings: Some swear words oop
Word Count: 1632
Inuyasha
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You want Inuyasha as your roommate???Chile anyways...
No but fr tho in general Inuyasha isn’t an awful roommate, he pays his bills on time(ususally), doesn’t make too big of a mess but that’s just because he owns like 3 things and 2 outfits.
No, the real problem with Inuyasha is that he is LOUD
You walk outside to throw the trash away and he’s in his room screaming about a video game or something and the WHOLE neighborhood can hear him. 
People pokin they head out in concern and everything
Another time he was watching a horror movie and you guess the characters did something stupid because you hear a scream from the character and then Inuyasha screaming “WHAT THE FUCK, WHY WOULD YOU GO THAT WAY DUMBASS! THAT’S WHY YOU’RE DEAD NOW!”
Shit woke you up out of your sleep
After that incident you knew you’d have to ask him to be a bit more considerate of your eardrums.
So, you ask him to quiet down and he pouts like a child and huffs and puffs.
He does quiet down tho...for about 2 minutes until he stubs his toe on the end of the couch
God bless you and your patience but god bless his girlfriend Kagome
She’s a saint
If it were up to Inuyasha your groceries would consist of a cabinet of ramen like the man has the budget for ramen and paying his share of he bills why would he spend money on things like fruit???
This is where Kagome comes in, she comes by pretty regularly and she brings food or groceries because she of all people knows how terrible Inuyasha’s shopping habits are.
Bless her soul truly and every time she does this you thank her lmaoo
Inuyasha eventually does move out with Kagome but he does apologize for being loud before he leaves, you aren’t sure if he did that on his own or if Kagome made him do that
Kagome
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She’s so sweet
Fair share of chores, groceries, she cooks for yall sometimes, truly a saint
Only 2 problems:
Ms. Girl has no moneyyy
Poor Kagome, she always tries to pay her bills on time but between trying to feed Inuyasha, helping out her family, and school the paycheck only spreads so thin(She does eventually quit school to start working more but)
Nothing wrong with this but you do end up having to cover for her sometimes.
She of course thank you and you don’t usually mind and your routine was functional for you two, until you meet problem number 2 
The loudest mf on the planet Earth, her boyfriend, Inuyasha
One day you’re in he kitchen grabbing something to eat and you hear pounding on the door like the police showed up.
You proceed cautiously because...what the fuck and you almost reach the door before you hear 
“I’ll get it!”
You’ve never seen Kagome run faster
She opens the door and you see this 5′5 mf who was banging on the door like he paid the bills
Inuyasha just has rbf but you don't know that so you think he’s making faces at you
Immediately you have a problem with him
“Hey Kagome, who’s this?”
She looks between you two before immediately rushing to introduce you to each other
“Oh, I forgot my purse be right back guys.”, Kagome left not knowing that yall were about 2 seconds from fighting
You didn’t like Inuyasha for banging on the door and glaring and he didn’t like you for glaring at him
After that you just avoided talking to inuyasha for the sake of keeping the peace
When he came over you exited stage left 
Eventually Kagome does move out with Inuyasha and she asks why you and Iuyasha had never spoken to each other
“Are you kidding me the first day we met he was already glaring at me?!”
“Ohhh, that’s just his face, he’s really sweet promise :D”
You doubted that
You liked Kagome as a roommate but you were glad she was moving out so you could find someone who could pay the bills on time.
Sango
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She a baddie ngl
Aside from that, Sango is the perfect roommate
However, I hope you aren’t allergic to cats or Miroku because they’re pretty much a package deal
Also hopefully you don’t hate children because she does have Kohaku to worry about
But she makes pretty good money at her job so expenses aren’t a issue
She also isn’t home too often between her job, taking care of Kohaku and Kirara, and her relationship
She ends up spending more and more time at Miroku’s place anyways
Sango finally moves in with Miroku when she gets pregnant, yall still keep in touch tho because you’ve become good friends
And thus you say goodbye to the best roommate to ever grace this Earth lmao
Miroku
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Miroku is the shortest lasting roommate on this list
Mans is a little creeper pervert and that shit gets annoying after a while
You’ll be walking out the shower and Miroku’s standing there like “hey lil mama lemme whisper in ya ear”
Needless to say you smacked the taste outta his mouth and he stopped with that real quick
He stops but you’re surprised when you see Sango come over 
Your hand starts itching with the urge to slap him again...
You meet Sango and what she sees in him is... baffling, scientists to this day still don’t understand 
Baby girl, you’re Sango do better, self love
Anyways, Miroku moves out eventually and he takes his nasty ass ways with him
Later you find out that Sango moved in with him and sje’s gon have a baby by him
But you know that’s none of your business 
Koga
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If you thought Inuyasha was loud...
Inuyasha doesn’t have any friends, Koga has a wolf pack...
Parties all the time good luck homie
If you were tryna study, sleep, do work, etc. best wishes lmao
You come home and mans got 2 random people over like how ya doin   O-O
“Hello”
“Where’s Koga?”
They point to the kitchen and you head here ready to just “talk” with Koga
He turns around and gives you the cutest smile known to man and you immediately lose your will to argue
Can’t argue with a man that beautiful sorry...
Anyways besides being loud af, Koga is HYPER
Mans is up at 5 am knocking on your door like “hey you wanna jog to the gym”
“No Koga, goodnight”
‘No problem, it’s the morning btw!”
He’s actually a decent roommate and he moves into a bigger house with his friends and calls it the ‘pack house’
He actually invites you to come move in w him and his buddies 
You tell him you’ll think about it
Sesshomaru
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The king of “I’m better than you”
He has his life so well together and you’ve gotta give him props
Mans is basically Caspar the Friendly Ghost of roommates 
Does he actually live here? the lights stay on and his name is on the deed so... I guess
Seriously tho, Sesshomaru doesn’t need a roommate but he does need someone to mind Rin
You might ask, what about Jaken, Jaken is busy (following Sesshomaru) or so he claims
Sesshomaru isn’t too bad honestly he covers the majority of the expenses in exchange for you watching Rin and feeding Ah-Un
So you’re basically Rin’s stay at home nanny
But you don’t mind because she is a SWEETHEART
Ah-Un isn’t too bad, just feed 2 lizards
(Although depending on who you are feeding them bugs might be your worst nightmare)
Jaken and you buttheads all the time, it’s almost comical
The times you interact with him mainly consist of you telling him to leave Rin alone or him telling you something Sesshomaru said
Speaking of Sesshomaru you don’t see him often and the only times you hear from him are in the form of notes he leaves around the house to the degree of ‘I fed Ah-Un this morning’ or ‘Make sure Rin takes her vitamins’ 
The other times you “hear” from him are when Jaken comes by saying things like ‘Lord Sesshomaru has requested that you prepare Rin to go out’
And for a while you were like who tf does he think he is because like yea he pays most of the rent but like he isn’t paying you for this so why does he think he can order you around indirectly
The first time you see Sesshomaru, it’s late and Rin’s been asleep for hours.
You walked into the kitchen and didn’t bother with turning the lights on but then you heard the smallest shuffle and a groan
And the moonlight comes through the window at the perfect angle and it reflects so beautifully off his silver hair
He turs some and you see his face and immediately take back all the times you’ve cussed him out mentally
And the you realize you’re in your pajamas staring at this man you’ve never met before that’s sleeping on the couch. For all you know he could be some random guy who broke in
He looks so peaceful that you loathe to disturb it but you poke at him w a stick and he groans out something to the tune of “Go away Jaken”
“I’m not Jaken”
He immediately sat up and stared at you like he was trying to figure out who you were in his head for a moment 
“Don’t you want to sleep in your room?” you asked him. He stood up and begun to walk towards his room in response 
You just watched him walk away but before he turned the corner into the hallway you swear you heard him say “You should get some sleep too.”
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willowistic22 · 4 years ago
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Famous!newsies
Ok so here are my famous!newsies headcanons from an a modern au i thought of if newsies were celebrities/famous yknow bcs I couldn’t get this idea out of my head and idk what to do with it other than making a headcanon list nabsnzbsvsnsbz anyways hope yall validate me after not posting any original content for like…. awhile now hehe
btw it got longer than expected. And I mean r e a l l y long. So if yall wanna read this better sit down and buckle up! 
Jack
He’s an artist on youtube
Like a modern day bob ross ig??
If yall know zhc on youtube just imagine that but not so rich (I don’t watch zhc btw but i do know that he does custom art on iphones and stuff and that is definitely not jack kelly)
Anyways Jack simply goes by Jack Kelly.
So jack does art challenges. Like does the weirdest requests from his fans left in his comment section and stuff
Or maybe challenging himself to make art from a specific theme or a specific media
Sometimes he vlogs too but his art videos are what his fans like the most
His merch is amazing because he designed the pattern/drawing/whatever yknow. It’s printed/sewed/whatever on the clothing and it’s good quality. It’s pretty lowkey for a youtuber’s merch bcs jack doesn’t like those merch that just smacks his logo on a hoodie
Davey
He’s a fantasy, YA, romance writer (he mixes it wisely ok?)
And goes by David Jacobs
Listen he’s a hopeless romantic and i’m pretty sure yall agree too
He wanted to stick to YA romance. The classic high school lovers yknow
But he wanted to challenge himself since he’s been writing about high school lovers since he was in high school
Thus the fantasy genre came in mind
So yeah he likes creating love in his own universe
Whether it’d be different worlds, universe, species, time periods, whatever.
He wanted to direct the movies based on his books, but he’s actually lowkey terrible at leading on his own. But he did stick to being the script writer and co-director (look idk how it works in the film industry i’m just making shit up)
Crutchie
He’s a solo jazz singer
Crutchie gives off Michael Buble and Jason Mraz vibes tho
And maybe a bit of frank sinatra? Yknow ‘cause he sings jazz
Also he riffs thank you very much :)
He goes by Crutchie Morris to everyone
He usually plays the acoustic guitar or piano on stage
Ok but he’s like really good with the piano
Makes the best jokes on stage too. Some are just sarcastic comments.
Crutchie asking through the microphone : “Oh, straight?”
A fan he’s talking to from the crowd : “Uhh… no, gay”
Crutchie : “no not you, the vodka”
Everyone at the concert : *laughs*
Crutchie, jokingly : “Oh, you’re drinking vodka! Straight? No gay”
(yes that was indeed inspired by that one video of Harry Styles and a fan in one of his concerts yall can’t stop me)
Kathrine
She’s a crime mystery writer
Think like the modern day Agatha Christie
Okok but she goes by Kathrine Plumber on her books :D
She chooses that genre bcs she’s a huge fan of Agatha Christie
Her favorite book from Agatha is Murder on the Orient Express
Oh and her books are sometime very gruesome alkjsfhakjsfb
Nobody check her browsing history, she’ll look like a murderer
Ok but I feel like she also has a youtube channel about books and stuff and sometimes like to vlog
She also has a writing tips series on her channel where she shares tips on some of the frequently asked questions about writing or her fans leave a specific question in the comment section and thought she could expand more to it in a full length video
Also she likes to vlog while she’s in a book convention
Her books are also turned into movies and she has done a great job directing it
Race
Yall would be lying to me if you don’t think this kid would end up being a twitch streamer and youtuber (like vlogging yknow. I feel like his gaming stuff would strictly be on twitch)
And ik it’s widely agreed by everyone in the fandom that he’s a dancer of some sort so yeah he’s also simultaneously a dancer
I don’t think I need to explain any further bcs it’s just so in character
He goes by Racetrack Higgins
Ok so he likes to vlog on his youtube channel
Sometimes does stupid challenges
Maybe he’d drag Albert to do a challenge which he always says no
“I’ll just be your cameraman dude, dw”
Race : *angery*
Since Al and Smalls are the skateboard peeps™ race is the rollerblade dude™ bcs I say so
He has three cats named Racecat Higgins, Spot Clawlon, and Romeow (i’ve mentioned it before and I will mention it again hehe) and his fans loves them endlessly
Albert
You don’t think this kid would also end up being a twitch streamer and youtuber like his bestie up there?? Lmao you thought wrong (again, gaming is strictly on his twitch)
He just goes by Albert DaSilva on the internet
And yes he’s also a dancer because I say so
On his Youtube channel he also vlogs
Half of his vlogs starts with him riding his skateboard
“Hey, guys! Welcome back to another vlog-” *falls off his skateboard for not paying attention to a curb*
It happens way more often than he’d like to admit let’s be real. His fans make a compilation of it and memes on reddit
Always wear a snapback
Snapbacks are an important element to him so his merch store is really boosting his snapbacks
And just for the wormsie discord server he has one with the word ranga on it after it being born from a stupid inside joke he, race, and both of their fanbases combined share (@ my wormsie fam thank me later)
Oh yeah, his youtube besties are Race and Smalls just so we’re clear here :) (I’ll get to Smalls in a bit)
So I always headcanon Albert having two big dobermans. So his fans always want to see a doggy update because Zara and Zoey are everything to them.
Doggo vlogs are fun. It’s usually Albert taking the two good girls to Central Park for playtime or teaching them new tricks
Spot
He’s a solo rock singer
Is an amazing singer like wow none of the newsies expected him to have that sort of pipes to reach high notes
And he does it amazingly with no sweat
Also his instrument is the electric guitar to go with his amazing singing ajsfhasjfhajhf
Anyways he goes by Spot Conlon still
And his songs are very lyrical. Like very.
A lot of metaphors. No one knows what most of his songs means.
So basically Taylor Swift songs if it switched genres to rock. And not even like songs from speak now or red. But like if evermore and folklore songs were to turn into rock songs with a little bit of reputation vibes sprinkled on top. And his concerts has the reputation era vibes but make it spot conlon (hey non swiftie fans reading this i’m so sorry i’m pretty sure yall don’t understand wtf i’m talking abt)
That is also the only way i know to describe his vibe i’m sorry but i don’t really listen to a lot of rock alkjhfasjk
Anyways it’s a known fact that he wears tank tops daily that it becomes his signature look. And also an inside joke among his fanbase
Now just picture the merch booth from one of his shows and there’s like endless tank top designs for his fans to pick and choose
He’s also crowned to be the King of Brooklyn bcs of obvious reasons
But the joke is he’s a pretty tough hardcore guy that’s a cat person
Sarah
She’s a badass female solo singer
Mostly does pop but the badass type of pop
Yes, she does go by Sarah Jacobs
Fans were really surprised Davey and Sarah are related
Because one is a hopeless romantic while the other is a total badass
Anyways she gives off Little mix, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez vibes
That is literally the only way I can describe it
She’s very lyrical, with a lot of metaphors
When she dances on stage, she d a n c e s
All while holding a mic to sing. And she hits all those high notes like it’s no ones business (a literal queen i tell you)
She and Spot are besties and has been known to have done a few collabs together
Their fans were hesitant about their collabs since their genre is pretty different from the other but they make it work and it slAPS
And among all her boppy songs with full choreography and backup singers, she always have a few songs she sings while only being accompanied by piano or guitar (Either electric or acoustic) which she plays on her own
Finch
He’s an indie pop artist with his trusted acoustic guitar by his side
Just think of music by Wallows and Lewis Capaldi were to be blended in together and Conan Gray for the cherry on top
But it has a little bit of Ed sheeran, Lorde, and Lauv vibes to it too
His concerts are simple but his songs are mostly very boppy so his fans still have fun either way
And it’s usually in small venues but there are times where he had a concert in a huge stadium
He goes by FINCH (yeah all caps btw)
Finches are a very on brand thing for him obviously
Has been known to collab with Crutchie and they actually make a very good team
Somehow was able to combined both genres to produce a few boppy songs
Ok ok but Finch and Crutchie have made a collaborative album (and maybe they went on tour????)
Specs 
He’s a history fiction writer
Yes this is inspired by the fact that he’s 100% a history nerd (no one change my mind i love this headcanon aight)
And he explores a lot of different histories from different parts of the world
He actually helps a lot of students understand history even further for school through his novels
Anyways he goes by Specs because I say so
No one knows why that’s his pseudonym and Specs isn’t interested in explaining either. No one other than the newsies need to know it was born from a stupid nickname the newsies gave him :)
His research mostly comes from history books because of his genre which wouldn’t be a problem since he has loads and will voluntarily buy more if needed
Also yeah he makes a great director for the movies taken from his books
Mush
He’s a chef on youtube
Goes by Mush Meyers
So think if Gordon Ramsey and his youtube channel but make it mush
Yeah that’s it really
Ok but Mush is a jolly and friendly person
Other than just food vlogging he does cooking challenges and cooking tips too
Sometimes he does the cooking challenges with a friend (mostly henry but i’ll get to him later on in the list)
But he also vlogs his life
Which isn’t really often but he likes to sometimes
He’s that big of a foodie he has a food blog too
And also a seafood restaurant so that’s cool :D
Henry
Like Mush, he’s a chef on youtube
Goes by Henry on the internet and in general
Ajkfhajfjska I’m thinking about how ppl would address him as Chef Henry kajhfkjlashfjklasfjklsf
He mostly does the same thing like Mush actually
Food vlogging and cooking challenges (they do it together so) sometimes cooking tips
But Henry vlogs his life a lot
And instead of a food instagram he has a food blog
He has a sandwich restaurant
Yeah it is inspired by his pastrami on rye with a sour pickle line from KONY get mad about it why don’t ya (well if i’m not mistaken henry was the one that said it but idk i have horrible memory) 
Blink
He’s a youtuber
Ok so I have a specific headcanon that Blink majored in psychology but didn’t end up being a psychologist
So instead he becomes a psychologist on youtube
Who often vlogs jhgasjlfhs
The guy looks like he could cut you but his sense of humor once you get him talking is just *chef’s kiss* amazing
Which is why he also has a podcast because he’s also secretly great at talking
He just thinks mental health is very important, okay?
Romeo
He’s an actor
Mostly on Broadway but has worked with Hollywood before
He’s usually a supporting character but has been known to understudy for main characters
Ok ik these bullet points are getting shorter and shorter but these are mostly bcs some of these stuff are pretty self explanatory since it’s very in character
Like are you telling me a kid named Romeo isn’t gonna be in some way very dramatic and end up turning that personality trait into his career?? Plus he’s very good at that?
Yeah you’re lying to me
Also he’s a pretty frequent vlogger on youtube
Look he’s a fun guy, what did you expect?
Just goes by Romeo on youtube
Elmer
He’s an actor
Has done his fair share in Broadway and Hollywood but started in Broadway
He can dance but thinks he’s pretty average in it yknow
Which his fans has no idea what he’s talking about because on stage he can do flips and turns like it’s no ones business yknow
But he can sing really good and takes pride in it
Elmer would play characters that is really far off from his own personality that fans couldn’t believe that Elmer played that character
He has done his fair share in main characters and supporting characters on Broadway
In Hollywood he usually does indie and rom-com movies
Buttons
He’s a fashion youtuber and basically an influencer 
Let’s be real this boy is a fashion icon
He’s not really a model but more like a fashion influencer and also kind of a fashion designer
His clothing line is very *chefs kiss* amazing
He designed it all and sometimes likes to design for his friends as well
He also does fashion tips on his youtube channel
His instagram game is god tier level (along with Tommy Boy and Sniper I’ll get to them in a bit) 
But yeah he also vlogs
And goes by Buttons Davenport
Jojo
He’s an actor
Mostly on Broadway but has done a few movies in Hollywood
He radiates main character energy and he does become the main character most of the time (on hollywood at least)
On Broadway he mostly enjoys being apart of the ensemble because this boy loves dancing
But he does play a few supporting characters
He has released one or two albums too because his singing is top tier
But isn’t interested in doing a lot of live concerts with his albums
Since no one has the time to say Josephino Jorgelino De La Guerra he turned it into Jojo De La Guerra (so much for ‘a special nickname only for friends and family’)
Mike and Ike
They’re a pop boy band and bcs of my lack of creativity it’s called Mike and Ike
At the start of their career :
“My name goes first because I’m older than you!” - Mike
“You’re only older than me by 13 minutes, holy shit!” - Ike
But Ike slowly accepts the fact that it’ll be like this yknow
Anyways they’re pretty great singers
They have one direction and new hope club vibes
Tho unlike one direction they can dance (i love the boys alright but i really think it’s funny that they can’t dancelkhjjlh)
They like to switch from the guitar (electric and/or acoustic) to the piano
The amount of times their name is confused by the candy is too many 
But they like it like that lol
Anyways i’ve mentioned a headcanon where Mike has tattoos (not like from head to toe but it’s fairly noticeable to everyone) and Ike has piercings
So the only way their fans tell them apart is by that
But there are times where Mike has his tattoos covered or Ike took his piercings off in public alone. A fan mistakens them for the other twin but they still respond to the other name because they don’t feel like there’s a need to correct them since they’re mostly known by Mike and Ike anyways. When the fan posts it on instagram and tags the twin they thought it was the twin that was tagged would comment “wrong twin but nice pic you two”
Happens wayyyyy too many times. Their fans are officially scared to approach one of the two in public alone without their differentiating indicators on which is which
And yes it is widely known that they argue a lot when it comes to writing songs
Nothing out of the ordinary sibling squabble yknow but it’s a lot
But they do end up finding a solution to the topic of their argument and make a good team at the end of the day
Hotshot
He’s an actor
On Broadway, he’s one of those actor’s that is mostly good in just the acting and singing
He can’t dance to save his life sjdfghaf
So Jeremy Jordan yknow asj;oghajshf
No not really. He can dance a little bit
So he’s mostly the main character
But he’s widely known for his works in Hollywood
He does a lot of drama. Think stuff like Elite and Designated Survivor. Yeah those kinds of heavy drama (well idk i think those two are pretty heavy)
He wants to release his own music because he’s a pretty good singer but he can’t write songs to save his life either jgnjafjasf
And all the demo songs he was suggested by producers isn’t his cup of tea
So he’s no singer ladies and gents ://
The name Hotshot is used to name his social media platforms. He always adds a description in his bio’s that Hotshot is a nickname his friends and family use so his fans and the media refer to him with his name
I headcanon Hotshot’s real name is Tyler or some sort. No don’t ask me what’s his last name is because idk either lol
Sniper
She’s a model, beauty and fashion youtuber (I’m pretty sure those are two different things tho idk i don’t watch youtube religiously anymore), and just an influencer in general
Instagram game on p o i n t
I know most beauty youtubers go by their names but uhh… i don’t think i’ve ever thought of a first name for Sniper but I really think she really would just go by Sniper Wah on the internet (Idk she seems like an Ashley in my head but feel free to recommend headcanon names to me)
Anyways she’s very fashionable
Tommy Boy (i’ll get to him just wait aight?) and Buttons are her fashion besties
The three of them pretty much appear in each other’s Youtube video not Tommy’s tho bcs he doesn’t have one lol
Sniper’s brand are huge sun hats
I have no idea how or why but that girl has sun hats vibes I can’t explain any further I’m sorry
Doesn’t have a clothing line but does have a make up brand of her own. She calls it Sniper. Yeah that’s it akjfhjf
Smalls
She’s a twitch streamer and youtuber like race and albert
They’re a youtube trio everyone loves it
And yes she does go by Smalls
Oh and she also dances like her two stupid besties thanks for asking
Bubblegum is her brand (idk how to explain she just has the vibe)
She is skateboard chick
I’m imagining a video collab of her and Al on a skatepark doing stupid challenges
It’s her most viewed video
Tommy Boy
Ok ok he’s a model, influencer, and dancer
So think a male version of Gigi Hadid that dances
No he doesn’t have a youtube channel but frequently has made an appearance on Buttons’ and Sniper’s videos
Yes his instagram feed is also very amazing
He goes by Tommy Boy
People genuinely thinking ‘Boy’ is actually his last name and kinda think it’s strange but doesn’t complain
Tommy literally didn’t think people would think it was his last name. But they did anyways
Les
Let’s just get straight to the point : he’s a famous tiktoker 
And yes, ppl are surprised at the fact that him, Davey, and Sarah are related to each other 
To the people that made it through this entire list. Congratulations and thank you for your validation. Have a wonderful evening and stay hydrated 
i will write at least one oneshot out of this au i promise!!
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northcarolinanative · 5 years ago
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𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐲
Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader 
A/N: Okay, I tried a songfic, I am totally not sure if I did this right or not. This is based on “Not in the Same Way” by 5sos (love putting my two favs together haha). Give it a listen while you read :) Anyway, its kinda a long one, kinda angsty, kinda fluffy? I have one more request to work on, then I’m free to write more so please send in more, I wanna know what yall are thinking!! Requests are open!!  Enjoy! There’s some cursing, but other than that I don't think there are any other warnings… 
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Drink all night, never sleep You say go, I won't leave I love you, you love me
A typical Friday night on the cut. The other pogues and I have decided that it was about time we let loose. So we loaded two kegs into the back of John B’s van. Pope, Kie, and I in the back joking around while John B and JJ were in the front fighting over the radio station. I stopped when I saw the way the sun was falling through JJ’s hair and making his smile brighter. We weren’t together or anything. We were messing around, no strings attached. At least that’s how it started. We hadn’t told the pogues, but they weren’t stupid. I feel sure they had put two and two together, but just did not mention it to us that they knew not wanting to make things awkward. 
“Y/N, tell John B that we are not listening to this shit!” JJ asked, turning to look at you behind John B’s seat. I snapped out of my thoughts. 
I threw my hands up surrendering. “Hey, I’m not getting involved this time. Last time we had to listen to the news. Remember that.” I giggled looking at Pope as he hid his face. 
“Yea thanks for that Pope” Kie laughed. 
Before the two could settle their bickering we had arrived at the boneyard. It had only been a couple of hours and I was already way too many drinks in, thanks to Pope and Kie challenging me to chugging contests. “ I should really learn my limit by now” I giggle, sitting beside a touron boy and some others that were listening to Kie talk about the problem with microplastics. “You know your cup is plastic” I giggle at her, causing her to throw her empty red solo cup at me. 
“Hey now” The touron boy beside me smiled. “She’s too pretty to be throwing things at now.” I felt a blush creep up my face as I looked down and pushed my hair behind my ear. I met his eyes and said a quiet thank you. 
“Yea. I’m leaving now” I heard someone huff before turning to see JJ walking quickly down the beach. After a quick confused exchange of looks with Kie, I quickly get up to leave, following the boy down the beach. I jog to try and catch up with his quickening pace. Where had he even been at, I did not see him around? My head started to spin with worry. Maybe a kook said something to him? 
I reached out and grabbed his wrist. “JJ!” I pulled him back. He was close, really close. “What the hell was that? Did some kook piss you off?” 
I huffed and looked out toward the ocean. “No, it was actually a pogue Y/N.” His words were cold and he stared at you. 
“What?” I looked up at him. “Who would mess with you from the cut?” He just laughed and looked at me. 
“You Y/n” 
“Me?” I huffed backing up “What did I do?”
“That tourist. He was looking you up and down like a piece of meat. Eyeing you up and you were eating it up.” He stepped back. “You know what Y/N. Go have fun with him. I don’t know why I’m stopping you anyway.” 
“JJ, no!” I said pulling him back to me. I turned to look back toward the boneyard. “I don’t want to go anywhere, JJ. I was not flirting with him, I honestly did not notice till he said something!” I looked at him and he was still angry. I could see it in his expression. 
“No seriously Y/N. Go, have a good time.” He spoke with confidence but stayed in his spot, not moving. 
“JJ I’m not going anywhere. Ok?” I sighed. “You mean to tell me that if I hadn’t caught your eye tonight you would not have gone home with some touron girl tonight?” I asked. Our reputations precede both of us when it comes to our encounters with the island’s visitors. 
“No Y/N” My name fell from his lips with spite. “I would not have” 
“What’s all this about? I thought you said” I held up air quotes emphasizing what he had told me a few weeks back, “No. strings. Attached.” He had made our agreement crystal clear from the beginning. 
“Well shit happens Y/N” He sighed and walked closer to me. His hand reached up to touch my face, brushing the stray pieces of hair away. “Because I think I’m in love with you.” He breathed out like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 
My face began to blush as I looked him in the eye. “I think I am in love with you too.” 
We fuck, then we fight, then you call me a psycho I walk out the door, but you won't let me let go
It was the night after the party, I hadn’t slept very well. My mind reeling with thoughts of the pogues and their thoughts on the different dynamic of JJ and I or if we would even tell them anytime soon it was so new. I had headed back to the Chateau after our moment on the beach. JJ told me he was going to tell our friends that we were leaving. “Go back to the house. I’ll be there shortly.” JJ told me with a grin and a slight tap on my butt. 
So that’s what I did. I had no idea what he was telling the others but I went back to the house and laid down on the spare bedroom bed. I waited for JJ to get back, taking him an abnormally. He came in behind John B in what seemed to be a heated argument. “Dude I’m going to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning.” He said before shutting the door. 
JJ looked over my body. I had changed into his T-shirt while waiting for him, as my party clothes were uncomfortable. “Damn. Do you look good in my clothes” He eyed me up and down licking his lips. He crawled over me connecting our lips together in a heated kiss. 
--
I woke up to the loud sound of pans banging in the kitchen and the sound of Kiara laughing with John B. I looked up at JJ who had heard the pans banging around in the kitchen. I looked at him and had no idea what to do. “Good morning” JJ looked down at you. You noticed the red and pink marks that littered his jawline and chest, slowly tracing the marks from the night before. 
“Good morning,” I say back with a smile on my face. The night had been filled with ‘I love you’s and more promises from the moment that you two shared on the beach. “We seem to be in a sticky situation” I giggle motioning towards the door. 
“I’ll leave first.” He said. It hurt a little that he did not want to leave together. He began to sit up. I put my hand on his chest to stop him. 
“JJ. Wait.” I sat up pulling the blanket up around me suddenly insecure in my own skin. “What is this? Last night it was different, right? It wasn’t just me? I mean –” JJ cut me off by kissing me, one hand cupping my face the other resting on my thigh. 
“You’re my girl now, Y/N” He smiled pulling away. “Whether you like it or not.” He said, making me smile. He got up, the sun falling through the window open onto his body. He pulled on a pair of shorts. “You might wanna get dressed” He picked up my clothes off the ground and laid them in front of me  with a smile. I started getting dressed and waited for JJ to slip out of the doorway to stand up and finish getting dressed. I understood to an extent, that the pogues would need some easing into this idea of you and JJ being more romantically involved. 
I walked toward the bedroom door slowly opening it as I heard Kie’s voice, a harsh tone behind it. “JJ you pulled a gun on Topper last night. Pointed it at his head” She said 
“I was trying to protect John B!” He fought back. “He would have drowned you?” He retorted. I  saw him looking at John B once you finally stepped out of the room. The other pogues wore a confused look as they saw me come from the same bedroom as JJ. 
“JJ?” I spoke softly. He turned around his eyes large. “You did what last night?” My tone is getting increasingly louder. 
“I defended John B. There was a fight that broke out and he was drowning him Y/N” He spoke moving closer to me. 
“Yes! By pulling a gun on him dude!” Pope spoke up. 
“You pulled a gun on someone and came back here, and did that?” I spoke with tears in my eyes motioning toward the door behind me. 
“Y/N. That has nothing to do with–”
“No JJ. Are you psycho? What the hell?” I move past him pushing against him to walk out to the back door, toward the water. 
JJ looked at the others and their confused states. He finally started toward me. “Y/N. Wait. Please.” He caught up to me as I started my way down the back steps. “Baby. Please don’t go.” I melted when he called me baby. I turned around looking at him. 
“I didn’t mean to snap like that. But you didn’t tell me? You came back and we had sex JJ after you put a gun to someone’s head? Without even mentioning it?” 
“I know! I know! I know it was stupid alright I know.” He looked at the ground. “It was just I was able to stop Topper ya know? I was able to stop him from hurting John B. I just wanted to know that John B was gonna be safe.” 
I looked down at his shaking hands, and he was biting on his lower lip. “Hey, I know you always just want to protect us. I just wish you would have told me all this before I heard that you pulled a gun and shot it into the air” 
“That was stupid. I know it was stupid Y/N” I reached up and grabbed his hands before leaning against his chest to be close to him, trying to comfort him. “I just wanted to show them that they are not better than us like they act. They come over here and drink our beer, smoke our weed, and think it is cool to live the poor pogue life, then spit us any other chance they get. I wanted to show them that we can’t be pushed around”
I moved my hands to wrap him in a hug. “Y/N, I am so sick of being pushed around” 
I pulled him closer. “I know J.” 
I don't ever wanna lie to you But I can't say no to you
We sat on the beach, both escaping our respective life issues. The stars had started to peek out. Over the past few weeks of our newly changed relationship, JJ let me in. He was hurting a lot recently. Things had gotten even worse at home for him; it was another bad night. 
“I don’t want to lie to you Y/N” JJ spoke, breaking the silence. “I’m scared,” he finally said. I moved closer wrapping my arm around his and leaning my head on his shoulder. 
“What do you mean, J?” 
“Love.” He said looking out at the ocean. “I know I love you, but love, it’s just really messed up.” 
I could see where he was coming from, the drugs running through his system probably didn’t help his quickly spiraling thoughts. 
“It isn’t easy to be vulnerable” I move to rest my head against his shoulder, feeling his fall on top of mine. “But that is what love is, trust the other person you love.”
“I love you, I really do, but what happens if one day you decide you don’t want me, you find someone better.” My heart broke for him as he kept speaking. 
I quickly turn and put both my hands around his face. “JJ, don’t say that. I do not think I will ever find someone who is as kind, loving, and respectful as you. You treat me like a princess. You know how to have fun and you literally can make any situation a good one, just by being you.” I quickly reach up and softly kiss him. His hands finding their way to my hips. I pull away “Plus you're great in bed” I joked, causing him to crack a smile “How could I EVER say no to that great of a man?”
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uniquecreations · 4 years ago
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Workplace Lover Pt. 3
This story is the final part from Workplace Lover part 1 & part 2. 
 It had been a few months since I last hung out with Ron outside of work, things between Alton and I had basically died after our last conversation. We were cordial while we were at work and only spoke outside of work when it was work related. Ron was in the process of getting a new job and that was a bit bittersweet because other than us not hanging out as much now then I wouldn’t have anyone to help me get thru those tough days at work. He would always tell me that nothing would change between us, but I knew it would change because with his new job, I knew that he wouldn’t have as much of free time to hang out.
  We were working at a local store on Ron’s last day and I wanted to hurry up and end early because I had set up a lil going away office party for him. Things were going great until Alton decided that he wanted to be petty and fuck up everything he was counting. It was becoming very annoying because I knew he was doing this shit on purpose. After another 20 mins of recounting I finally told him to leave because he was no use to me at that moment. I should have known that would cause a problem between us later, but I would deal with that when it came. Eventually, we got thru the rest of the counts and made our way back to the office for the party. Of course, my workday wasn’t over just yet because I had to close out the store we counted, that caused a problem with Ron. He cussed me out more times than a little bit until I gave in and decided to finish the work when I got home that night.
  The party was not all that great at first, everyone was being a bit uptight because we were still on company property. All that went out the window when Doris came in with a few gallons of Daiquiri's, things began to loosen up and then it became a real party. Music was blasting, food was served, and everyone dancing and having a good time while we had the opportunity. While I was talking with some of our coworkers, I felt a tap on my shoulder and when I turned around it was Alton standing there looking at me like he wanted to fight.
  “I need to talk to you about something.” He said to me just above a whisper.
  “Ok but if you about to start some shit then you can save your breath because I’m not about to deal with this bullshit right now.” I said looking him directly in his eyes. We walked down the shopping center where our office was in, once we were away from the crowd, we stopped, and the silence was starting to annoy me. “So, what you wanna talk about Alton?”
  “About this thing between us and how I felt played you sent me home today for no reason at all.”
  “Are you serious right now dude, you know exactly why I sent you home, it was because you were purposely fucking shit up because you knew what we were doing today for Ron. Now as far as this thing between us goes……… it should have been clear to you by now but in case it isn’t then let me be clear. The most we can ever be is coworkers, nothing more, nothing less, you have a lot of issues that I’m not willing to deal with from a nigga I’m dating or in a relationship with. Your jealousy is a tad bit scary and I have been down that road before and I can’t afford to do it again.”
  “So, you are saying that because I was a little overprotective of you, it was mistaken for jealousy?”
  “It’s a major difference between protecting and jealousy, what you were showing me, and your actions was not protecting me at all, it was all jealousy. That’s just the beginning tho because you also have very controlling ways as well and in case you haven’t figured it out, I’m not a puppy or some other form of animal that you say sit or stay and I obey your command Alton.”
  “Man, you are tripping for real now with all these lies and shit you spitting out yo mouth, you know good and damn well I’m none of those things.” He said squinting his eyes at me.
  “If you say so but you and I can be nothing past coworkers, I would say we can be friends, but we saw where that lead us and now are we done here because I have a party to get to?”
  “I guess dude, but I still feel you dead wrong for telling lies about me.”
  “Alton, nothing I said was a lie you know it and I do as well.” I said trying to walk away but he stopped me by grabbing my arm. “Alton…... don’t put your hands on me.” I said jerking my arm away from him.
  “My bad Jaye but you always walking off from me when I’m trying to get to the bottom of things between us.”
  “The thing about that is this……. Yes, what we had was fun but it’s over now because you can’t get a grip on your jealousy and wannabe controlling ways. All that came after I told you about some of the things I went thru. That was the thing that made me conclude that we are not meant to be together and that’s the part you not seeing.”
  “How about we start over and go back to the beginning?” He asked touching my arm.
   “How about not……... I’m not trying to go there with anyone right now, I have to much going on so thanks but no thanks.” I said and turned around, walked off, and resumed the party that was going on.
About 4 months had passed since the going away party and since I last heard from Alton, I still talked to Ron almost every other day and made plans that we almost never kept. The weekend before my birthday I wanted to go out and do something I didn’t do since I was a little boy and that was fish. I asked Ron to come but he told me he had to work so I just invited a few of my cousins instead. I made it to the spot where we were supposed to be meeting up at, I was a bit surprised that I was the only one that made it early because I was usually the one that was late. I sat in the car for about 10 mins before I saw another car pulling up, when it got near me, I saw that it was my cousin.
  “About damn time you showed up; I was starting to think nobody was going to come.” I said to her once we got out our cars.
  “Shut up I had a long night……. Don’t ask.”
  “I guess but let’s get started so I can collect on that bet.” I said laughing.
  “I don’t know why you would want to bet me knowing I’m going to crush yo ass on catching these fish.”
  “I hear ya but make sure you have my funds bitch.” I said laughing as we got our stuff set up for the day.
   Half the morning went by and we were what and what with the amount of fish we caught. I was reeling in the last fish I caught when I heard another car coming from behind us. I didn’t bother looking back because I knew it was probably the other cousin that was supposed to be here hours ago. I went to put my fish in the cooler and looked back to see the car that pulled in wasn’t my cousin, it was Ron. He walked up to where we were and looked at us like we were crazy.
  “I thought you had to work with yo lying ass.” I said throwing a piece of ice at him out the cooler.
  “I know you aint just throw that nasty ass ice on me……… and I did have to work but I left early so I could come out to this raggedy ass place.” He said sitting in my chair.
  “Well shouldn’t I feel lucky that you actually made time for your friend.” I said rolling my eyes.
  “You should bastard, I didn’t have to waste my gas and since we are talking about that, wasn’t it you the one cancelled on me the last few times?”
  “You fucking liar.” I said and he burst out laughing.
  “I swear if I didn’t know any better……. I would swear yall were an old married couple as much as yall be into it.” My cousin said reeling in another fish.
  “Because he is an asshole.” I said throwing my reel back out into the water, once my reel was secure in the water, I attempted to sit down but instead I hit the ground hard. “You are such a bitch bruh.” I said looking at them both laughing.
  “That’s what yo ass get for talking shit.” We stayed out for a few more hours before my cousin conceded defeat, paid me the bet and left to go home. I was packing up my things with Ron when he pulled me into a headlock. “What else you want to do today punk?” He asked while I was still in the headlock.
  “I might be going to jail if yo dumbass don’t let me go.” I said pinching him in the side. “But I don’t have anything planned but going give these fish to one of my uncles and then go home.”
  “Boring ass, let’s go out and get fucked up bruh.” He said.
  “Ok but I’m not driving and also you know you have to get permission from your boo first.” I said laughing.
  “You do know I’m a grown ass man, right? Plus, we not on good terms right now anyway.” He said shaking his head.
  “Being sprung have nothing to do with being grown it just mean you forgot how to be a man, and when are yall on good terms?” I said while getting in my car.
  “Nah that’s your territory messing with them lame ass niggas but I’ma be over at 8 so be ready.” He said mushing my head.
  “Put yo hands on me again and I’ma tase yo ass bitch.”
  We both left from where we were, I went to go get rid of the fish we caught but got held up talking to my uncle as per usual. When I looked at the time it was approaching 5 o’clock and I still haven’t made it home yet. I finally reached my house after about 5:30, I still needed to take a shower and pick out some clothes for tonight. After taking a shower, I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked to my closet to find something to wear. I picked out my clothes and went laid across the bed, I didn’t plan on going to sleep but my body had a different agenda than I did. I was woken up by someone banging on my door like they had lost they damn mind. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who it was because it was only one person, I know who would do stupid shit like that.
  “I swear you act like you aint got the sense God gave a mule.” I said swinging the door open and looking at Ron.
  “And I’m sick of yo ass always late for every damn thing and why the hell you don’t have on clothes Jaye?” He said looking at me and shaking his head.
  “Because I dozed off after I showered, but it won’t take long for me to get dressed.” I said walking back to my room.
  “You say that shit all the time and it still take you over an hour……. Hurry up.” He said throwing a pillow off the couch at me.
  “Shut the fuck up, and I told you about coming over here fucking up my house.” I went into the room and begin looking at the outfit I chose to wear. I decided to change it up a little but nothing to major, I grabbed my phone and started playing music to get me in the mood for the night. I put on my playlist and began getting dressed, no sooner than I slid on my underwear, I heard Ron in the living room talking loud ass hell. I paid him no mind because his girlfriend always found a way to make him feel guilty about having fun or doing things without her. I looked down and realized that I was ashy as hell, I grabbed my lotion and began putting it on.
  “Did anyone ever tell you that you got a girl booty?” Ron said from behind me.
  “If you don’t get the fuck outta my room talking bout nonsense.” I said trying to cover myself up.
  “You need to hurry up because I most definitely need a drink now.”
  “Go look in the cabinet…… I think I have something in there you can drink……... I know how you get stressed when she grabs you by the balls.” I said laughing.
  “You always running yo gums about shit you don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said irritated, I looked back at him and could see the frustration on his face.
  “Aww I’m sorry sweetheart you want a hug.” I said holding my arms open, he laughed and shook his head.
  “You not about to touch me while you half naked, now get dressed and let’s go.” He said about to walk out my room.
  “Don’t hate cause I look better than yo bitch, now get out.” I said pushing him out my room, the next thing I knew, I felt a sharp sting on my right ass cheek where this nigga had slapped it. “You are a fucking bitch, I swear I’ma shoot you in the mouth.” I said rubbing my aching ass.
  “I got something for a mouth but it aint no bullet.” He said before walking out my room.
  After me getting dressed and taking the shots he fixed us, we got in the car and headed out. We were laughing and talking the entire ride to the bar, I was beginning to feel those drinks he made us that we drank before we left out. His phone kept going off interrupting almost every song that was playing thru his stereo, after about the tenth time, I was starting to get frustrated.
  “Either you check it or put the fucker on airplane mode because this shit is annoying the hell out of me.” I said looking at him.
  “That aint nobody but Jakayla, I told you we into right now, but I may have downplayed it a little.” He said.
  “You wanna talk about it or not?”
  “I will tell you later right now I wanna have fun and ignore that dumb shit.” He said as we pulled into the bar parking lot.
  “I swear you do that shit all the time, like we haven’t been friends for a damn good while now.”
  “Boy if you don’t chill yo overly sensitive ass out with all that……… I’ma talk to you about it but I’ma tell you when I’m ready.” He said laughing. I looked at him, popped him upside the head and got out the car before he could hit me back. Once we made it in the club, the first thing I wanted to do was go to the bar. Ron came to the side of me and nodded towards a group of people. Upon further inspection, it was most of my team from work.
  I couldn’t tell you how many drinks I had or where they were coming from but, I was having the most fun I had in years. I looked across the dance floor and saw Ron dancing with some girl, I looked in another direction and saw his girlfriend walking thru the door. I knew this was about to turn out bad, so I broke away from the group and tried to get to Ron before she saw him. When I reached him, I leaned in and whispered in his ear that his girl just walked in.
  “I know.” He said winking at me and going back to dancing with the chick. I smirked and went back across the club to the group. I didn’t know what he was planning nor did I care at that point. I went back to dancing with my friends when someone came up behind me and tapped me on the ass. I looked back and it was Jakayla- Ron’s girlfriend.
  “Hey baby…… Happy Birthday!!!!!!!” She said hugging me.
“Hey, thank you, I didn’t know you were coming.” I said smiling at her.
  “It’s your freaking birthday dude, I wouldn’t have missed this no matter what.” She said looking around the club. Then she started laughing, I followed her eyes as they landed on Ron dancing with that girl. “If he wanted to make me show my ass then he should’ve picked someone who wasn’t his cousin…… dumbass.”
  “Girl he a mess and a half but come on I will buy you a drink.” I said walking with her to the bar. We sat down, ordered our drinks, and was laughing and cracking jokes when Ron came up and plucked my ear.
  “I told you I was going to get you back……. What up Kay?” He said smirking at her, she looked at him and shook her head.
  “I swear you are the dumbest nigga I know, you trying to make me act up by you dancing with some thot……. Maybe you should have pick someone other than your cousin I hang with every other day.”
  “Jakayla nobody was trying to make you do nothing and if I wanted to, I could pull any chick in here I wanted so shut that shit up. Overly dramatic ass.” He said laughing and walking off towards the bathroom.
  “I swear yall are a mess.” I said laughing and drinking out my glass, she was about to respond when her phone lit up. She looked at it and scoffed.
  “I swear I can’t catch a fucking break man; this girl didn’t show up for her shift tonight so guess who have to go in.”
  “I know all about that trust me……. when you have to go in?”
  “In a few……... where is your lil boo at?” She said looking around the club.
  “I don’t have a lil boo bitch you tried it.” I said laughing with her. Ron came back from the bathroom and joined us; Jakayla left after about another 20 minutes to go to work.
  “You look drunk as fuck.” Ron said drinking my last drink.
  “Didn’t you say we should get fucked up? And bitch you are buying me another drink with yo big head ass.” I said standing up.
  “Fuck you, come on let’s hit up waffle house……. I’m hungry as hell and I know you aint got no food at yo house.” He said standing up as well.
  “You buying? It is my birthday after all.” We left out and was driving on the highway when I looked over at him, he looked like he was in deep thought. I didn’t bother asking him what was wrong because I knew he wasn’t going to tell me anyway. Once we made it to waffle house, it was packed so we got our food to go because I was not about to sit in there around all those people.
After we finished eating, I was a bit more sober than I was before, now I was kinda sleepy. I looked over at Ron and this nigga was knocked out. I went into my room to get some clothes out for a shower when my phone buzzed. It was Alton wishing me a happy birthday, I replied, ‘thank you’ and went took a shower, I went into the second bedroom and pulled a pillow and cover of the bed. I went into the living room to see Ron still asleep on my couch. I tossed the cover and pillow to the side of him, I took off his shoes and helped put him in a comfortable position before going back into my room. I slowly started to fall asleep after spending nearly 20 minutes playing on my phone.
  “Jaye?” I heard Ron yell from my room door scaring the piss out of me.
  “Bitch I swear I’m going to fuck you up. You always doing something stupid.” I said throwing a pillow at him.
  “Shut up…… I’m about to head to the house.”
  “Ron it’s late and you’ve been drinking, just stay here and leave in the morning.” I said sitting up in the bed.
  “I don’t have any clothes and I need a shower, I’m good now that I got a nap.”
  “I have some clean shorts and tee shirts and I have underwear still in the pack now go take a shower and I will get them out for you. I don’t wanna hear yo damn mouth either.” I said getting out the bed to get the clothes. He didn’t say anything, he just rolled his eyes and went in the bathroom. A few minutes later I heard the shower turn on. I hated being woken up because it would be hard as hell for me to go back to sleep. I got the clothes out for Ron, then I went into the kitchen to fix another drink. After I made it back into my room, I sat down on the bed and turned on a movie I knew I wouldn’t finish.
  “Where the clothes at pussy?” Ron said walking into my room a few minutes after he finished showering with nothing on but a towel. I have seen him shirtless many times but him being practically naked in my bedroom put me in a daze. “Nigga did you hear me?” He said knocking me out my daze.
  “Oh, umm right there on the dresser.” I said pointing to where I put the clothes. He looked at me and smirked before walking over to get the clothes.
  “You aint fix me a drink?” I looked over to him just as he dropped the towel from his waist.
   “Umm, I can fix you one.” I said trying to pretend I wasn’t looking at him. I got up out the bed and was walking to the door when he did something that I wasn’t expecting. He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to him. I didn’t know what he was up to nor did I care, the only thing I could focus on was his dick starting to harden on my ass.
No words were spoken for the next 20 minutes as we made out. The way he was making me feel in this moment was something I could and probably would never forget. His dick was huge, and I could barely fit it in my mouth, but I managed to do so with scathing him with my teeth. His moans were music to my ears and forced me to give him my best. I was surprised when he bent me over the bed and buried his tongue deep in my ass. He was eating my ass so good that I didn’t want him to stop. He continued to eat me for about 15 minutes before stopping and making me slide up in the bed. I reached over in my nightstand drawer and grabbed the lube I had stashed there from my last jackoff session.
  He took his time and he was patient while trying to get his dick in me. Once we found our rhythm, I could see why Jakayla was so crazy over this nigga. He had me moaning so loud and I’m sure I probably spoke gibberish a few times as well. As I laid on my back, this nigga was fucking me like he had a point to prove. The more I scratched his back, the harder he went, after about another 20 minutes of him fucking my brains a loose, he pulled out of me and shot his nut all over my chest and neck area while moaning and jolting forward with each shot of nut. Once he started to calm down, he leaned down and kissed me while I caught one of the best nuts I ever experienced.
   We cleaned up and cuddle for the rest of the night while talking about what happened. He told me he doesn’t know what made him want to try that with me, but he enjoyed himself more than he thought he would. Although he and I had sex several times after that, we decided to cut that part of our friendship out. We are still best of friends and we still hang out as much as we can considering our schedules conflict a lot. I will never forget those times we shared but I’m also internally grateful for Ron being in my life.
©uniquecreations2020
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portals-to-a-new-world · 5 years ago
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Ignorance is Bliss (Parts 1&2)
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(gif credit to @urban-trek-thru-middle-earth)
Who?: Billy Butcher x Reader
What?: Y/n discovers that Butcher sleeps in the nude
Word Count: 1820
Warnings: SMUTTY SMUT 18+!!!, Language (as I mentioned in the original, if you watch the boys you know the man has a mouth fouler than the pits of hell itself), ONCE AGAIN SMUT
A/N: Hey yall! Sorry it’s been taking me so long to get stuff out but work has been kicking my ass. Anyway, if you didn’t see the original post, this was inspired by a post I saw reminding the world that Butcher sleeps a la naked. Thank you very much to @bakerstreethound for everything she does 💜💜💜
You were tired. 8 hours on the road, chasing down a lead that turned out to be yet another dead end, and you just wanted a hot shower and sleep. Preferably in that order. You sighed in relief as you pulled into the cheap Motel the boys had been staying at. At least it didn’t look as seedy as the last place you’d stayed in. Ever since Vought caught onto the plan to bring them down, you’d been staying at a different location each week to keep them off of your scent. You grabbed the bag you kept packed from the backseat and headed towards your room. It took you a few moments of fumbling around in the bag before you pulled out the key card and swiped it through the reader. Your brow furrowed as nothing happened. You tried it one more time before you remembered that Butcher gave you the spare card to his room, just in case. You groaned and felt around your bag until you found the right card, breathing out a sigh as it worked. You didn’t bother turning the lights on until you reached the bathroom, wanting to shower and fall into bed as quickly as possible. Another groan escaped you as you began to strip down, muscles stiff from driving all day. As you reached out to turn on the shower, a voice sounded out behind you.
“Don’t let me stop you, luv, coz this is a great fucking view,” You screamed and dove for a towel as the deep voice that could only belong to Butcher continued. “But what the fuck are you doing?”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I-” The words fell dead at the sight that greeted you when you looked up. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, smirk out in full force as you were confronted with the knowledge that Billy Butcher, hunter of superheroes and badass vigilante, apparently sleeps in the nude. Your eyes trailed down his chest, following the lines of muscles, man those shirts he wore hid just how cut he was, to the sheet draped across his lap. You swallowed hard, wrapping the towel tighter around yourself before you continued. “I guess I mixed up the room numbers. It’s really been one of those days.” You said, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. Of course, this would happen. Almost get your cover blown by an ex who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Check. Waste an entire day on some bullshit conspiracy theorist pretending to have evidence about Compound V? Check. Walk in on the man who’d been invading your dreams ever since you first met? Bonus, he’s naked!
“I take it the lead was a crock o’ shite, then?” You couldn’t help but laugh.
“That is the understatement of the fucking century,” You said, moving to sit down before you remembered you were clad in only a towel. The thought of having to change back into clothes and go all the way back to your actual room almost had you in tears. “Do you uh- do you mind if I borrow your shower? I’d use mine, but I don’t think I’ll make it that far without my back seizing up.”
“Sure, one condition tho,” He said, cocking his head to one side before standing to his feet. Your breath caught in your throat as you fought to keep your eyes locked on his. You stepped back with each step he took closer until he had you backed against the counter.
“What’s that?” You managed to choke out.
“You let me join ya, and make up for sendin’ ya on that wild goose chase,” His words sent heat flaring straight through your core, and you nearly moaned when his hand began to toy with the skin just beneath the edge of your towel. “Can’t promise you’ll be any less sore after tho.”
“Butcher-” Your words were once again cut off with a gasp, this time by him grinding his hips against you. Your towel did nothing to conceal just how thick and hard he was, and you could only hope it hid just how embarrassingly wet you were. You shook your head to try and clear your thoughts. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Oh, c’mon now luv. We’ve been dancing ‘round each other for fuckin ages now,” He leaned in closer as he spoke. You shook your head slowly as his lips drew nearer.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t-”
“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you. Fuckin diabolical,” His hand came up to grip your jaw, not quite low enough to choke you but enough to make you inhale sharply. “Like you wanna fuckin eat me alive.” By then, his lips were ghosting yours, sending shivers down your spine. Fuck it
“You gonna let me? Eat you alive?” You asked. His resulting smirk gave you the only answer you needed before your lips slammed together hungrily. Butcher wasted no time in yanking the towel from your form. His hands immediately found your breasts, palming and kneading the soft flesh as you gasped against his lips. He took full advantage of the opening to dominate your tongue with his own, not that you didn’t put up a fight in the process. Like everything with Butcher, the kiss was rough and intense. He nearly had you in a puddle at his feet, and he’d barely gotten started. The thought sparked a new wave of defiance in you, and you thrust your hands into his surprisingly soft hair and tugged sharply as you bit at his lip. He growled in response, and his hand came down harshly on your ass. “Ow! You bastard-” Your scolding was cut off, though, as his fingers dipped between your legs. He hummed in satisfaction at the slickness he found, his trademark smirk once again gracing his lips.
“Call me a bastard all you want; you’re still soaking wet for me.” He didn’t give you a chance to snark back, thrusting two fingers deep inside you as he began to nip and suck down your neck. Your arm wrapped around his shoulder for support as your legs threatened to give out. He caught on and wrapped an arm around your waist as his other hand began to pick up its pace. His thumb moved to stroke your clit right as he curled his fingers perfectly, and you moaned his name loudly. “See now that’s what I want to hear.” You groaned and threw your head back.
“Oh, fuck off,” You said. Suddenly his hands were gone, and you whined at the loss of contact as he backed away. “Butcher?”
“You told me to fuck off.” He said with a shrug before lifting his hand and popping his fingers in his mouth. He grinned and turned to walk into the bathroom as you stammered.
“Damn it, Butcher, you know that’s not what I meant!” You stomped into the bathroom after him, but he continued to ignore you as he stepped into the shower.
“Fuckin’ hell, why’s the water so fuckin hot?” You rolled your eyes and stepped in after him, faltering slightly at the sight of him dripping wet before you. He might be psychotic, but damn if the man wasn’t good looking. “There you go again with that look,” He said, drawing your eyes back to his. This time his smirk was paired with almost predatory eyes, dark and hungering as he stalked towards you in the small space. You licked your lips and shrugged. You started to reply, but you never got the chance before he was lifting you up and pinning you against the wall. You squealed and latched onto him, ignoring his amused chuckles. “’ Fraid I’m gonna drop you?” He murmured against the skin beneath your ear. You shuddered slightly at the sensation before you responded.
“Nah, just making sure you can’t walk away from me again.” He laughed, a genuine laugh that made your heart skip a beat, before moving to bury himself to the hilt within you. You both moaned at the feeling, and he paused for a moment, both to savor it and give you time to adjust to his size. He pulled back from your neck to look you in the eyes as he started to move in slow, deep, thrusts that had you biting your lip in an effort to keep quiet. His gaze was powerful and intoxicating, drawing you in like an invisible magnet. Every wave of pleasure that crossed his face added to your own, and you finally had to break away and bury your face in his neck as he pounded straight through you. You were dancing along the brink of your climax, but you still needed more. “Butcher I-” He seemed to know exactly what you were asking before you could ask.
“I’ve gotcha, luv.” He slipped out of you and set you on your feet before spinning you around. “Fuck me, what an ass, this is.” He said offhandedly as he bent you forward slightly before sliding back in. You groaned and fell forward to brace yourself against the wall as this new angle brushed against all new spots inside of you. His hands moved back up to your throat, putting enough pressure to force you to arch your back, and down to rub harshly at your clit as he knocked you up the wall. “You gonna fucking come for me?” He growled in your ear as your moans echoed around the small bathroom. “Hmm? Gonna come all over this fuckin cock like a good girl?” His words were the final shove you needed before you were falling over the edge with a shout of his name. “Fuckin hell, (Y/N/N)” He groaned as he pulled out and came all over your back. You both stood there for a while, just catching your breath before he reached around and grabbed a washcloth to wipe you clean. At your raised eyebrow, he paused and shrugged in question. “Wot? I’m not a complete asshole.” You huffed out a laugh and gave him a pat on the chest.
“Never said you were.” He gave you a skeptical look before pulling you back underneath the spray.
“C’mon. Let’s get clean before the hot water runs out. Then we can discuss your sleeping arrangements.” He said. Once again, you raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“My sleeping arrangements? What about them?” He reached around you to grab the soap before replying.
“Well, figured you since you didn’t want to go back to your room, you could sleep here, but it’s gonna cost you.” Mischief danced in his eyes, and you couldn’t stop the smirk on your lips.
“I’m sure I’ll think of some way to repay you.” You said as he grinned.
“Atta fucking girl.”
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Tag List (Let me know if you’d like to be added/removed or if I forgot you):
@bakerstreethound​ @im-like-reallythirsty​ @rayray1463​ @waaaaaaitwhat​ @fairytale07​ @becs-bunker​ @kid-from-new-zealand​ @mblaqgi​
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bloopbyoop · 4 years ago
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weep woop
ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan
pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 
ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 
x :D
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neerasrealm · 4 years ago
Note
as you begged for more, here is a free pass to do another soulmate AU piece. this will appear in your inbox three times. More can be added after asking for it
OK OK IVE HAD THIS ONE IDEA FOR A LONG TIME. soulmate can hear your thoughts but slenjack. hope yall enjoy this one because it’s long and it gets both fluffy and angsty :)
‘’Jack! Jack c’mon!’’
‘’I’m coming, Isaac!’’ the colourful clown called as he chased after the young, blonde boy. He giggled as he ran in circles after his best friend. Tag wasn’t their favorite game to play, but they had found a small field not too far from Isaac’s house, and it was perfect for running around in. 
‘’Like that’d happen…’’
Jack stopped where he was and looked around, confused. Was that a voice? It sounded like it was right behind him- or beside him- or- above him??? Just that it was close. The voice was unfamiliar too. Deep and...posh. Unlike anyone Jack or Isaac knew. He blinked, looking around.
‘’Who was that?’’ he called out, looking around confused. Isaac stopped and turned to him.
‘’Eh? Whatcha talkin’ abou’ Jackie?’’ 
‘’I heard someone-’’ The confused clown turned around in circles. ‘’Hello??’’
‘’Y-You can hear me?!’’
‘’Well yeah I can hear ya! Why wouldn’t I?’’ Jack called out. ‘’Where are ya??’’
Isaac frowned and walked up to his friend. He tugged on the clown’s colourful sleeve. ‘’Jackie, he whined. ‘’Who’re ya talkin’ ta?’’ 
Jack turned and looked down at the boy. ‘’Ya can’t hear them?’’ he asked. Isaac shook his head.
‘’C’maaan, I don’ wanna play pr’tend witcha righ’ now!’’ he whined again, tugging his friend’s hand. Jack smiled a bit.
‘’Alright- sorry.’’ he reached down and picked the boy up, putting him on his shoulders. ‘’Sorry mr voice! But I gotta best friend to play with!’’ he chirped. Isaac giggled above him and Jack took off running. 
--------
‘’I’ll be righ’ back, Jackie.’’ Isaac called as he hopped off the bed. His friend gave a nod and smiled. 
‘’Alright kiddo! Enjoy dinner!’’ he chirped. He watched Isaac leave the room and lay down on the boy’s bed. I mean- if you could call it that. It consisted of a thin mattress that hardly did anything and a scratchy blanket that provided barely any warmth. Not to mention the pillow. It may as well just be the case and nothing else. Isaac’s room was tiny, and had very few pieces of furniture. A wardrobe that didn’t really serve a purpose, considering Isaac had maybe three outfits, a bedside table that had absolutely no use because there was nothing to put on it, and a toy chest. The toy chest was definitely the most useful piece of furniture there. Isaac had a lot of toys. Gifts from Jack, who was the best toy of them all. 
As Jack lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts wandered as they often did. He couldn’t help but think about earlier...the strange voice he’d heard. He frowned. ‘’Who was that anyway?’’ he thought.
‘’H-Hello?’’ 
Jack shot up, looking around the room. ‘’Mr voice??’’ he called out. ‘’How’dya get in here?’’ he asked, tilting his head.
‘’I’m...I’m not with you. I’m in your head.’’
‘’In me head?’’ Jack blinked. ‘’Like a crazy person?’’
‘’No!’’ the voice replied. ’’We’re...soulmates. We can- hear one another’s thoughts.’’ 
Jack gasped. ‘’Can ya hear me now??’’ he thought.
‘’...Yes…?’’ his soulmate sounded confused. Jack giggled in excitement. 
‘’This is like in the storybooks!’’ he mentally exclaimed. ‘’With the prince and the princess falling in love…’’ Jack’s eyes widened. ‘’Are we in love?!’’ 
‘’I...don’t know we- we just met?’’ his soulmate was just getting more and more confused. ‘’What- what’s your name?’’
‘’Jack.’’
‘’J-Jack??’’
‘’Yeh. Somefing wrong?’’ Jack frowned. 
‘’No no- I just thought you were...female.’’ Jack’s voice was fairly high-pitched. Chirpy and feminine. He shook his head even though the other couldn’t see him.
‘’No. I’m a boy.’’ he replied. ‘’Whats your name, Mr Voice?’’
‘’...Slender. My name is Slender.’’
-----
‘’Slender.’’
‘’Mmm…’’
‘’Slender!’’
‘’Hm…?’’
‘’Slender, ya awake??’’
Slender rolled over in his bed and let out a soft groan. He sat up a bit, looking around the darkness of his shared bedroom. He glanced to his side at his twin brother who was fast asleep in his own bed, his glasses resting on the bedside table. ‘’Yes, Jack?’’
‘’Isaac wanted ta meet ya.’’
Slender paused for a moment, then sighed. Jack’s timezone was behind him, so it wasn’t as late for him. He was probably curled up in bed next to Isaac, the young boy he spent all his time with. The young boy he’d been made for. Jack was a toy, made by an angel to be child’s best friend. It was sweet...and explained why he acted like a child. ‘’Alright. Tell him I said hello.’’ he lay back down again, staring at the ceiling. 
‘’He says hi. And he wants ta know how old ya are.’’
Slender puzzled it over for a moment. His age? Well- he wasn’t born on earth so he couldn’t give an exact answer. ‘’I’m...very old. If I were to guess I’d say...maybe a hundred and fifty to two hundred.’’
‘’WOAHHH, REALLY??’’
Slender couldn’t help but chuckle, mentally of course. ‘’Yes.’’ 
‘’How’re ya so old?!’’
‘’I was born a long time ago, I suppose?’’ 
Slender stayed up for the rest of the night, talking with Jack, even after Isaac went to sleep. Eventually his soulmate fell asleep, and stopped responding to Slender’s thoughts. Despite himself, Slender ended up falling asleep on the living room couch, his hands around a cold mug of coffee. When his siblings asked him why he’d fallen asleep there, he couldn’t really think of an explanation. He didn’t exactly want to tell them about Jack...not yet, at least.
-----
‘’So...has he left for boarding school?’’
‘’Yep.’’ Jack replied. He lay on the floor of his box, drawing with a box of crayons, his legs kicking in the air. ‘’He’ll be back soon though! It’ll only be a few months ‘e said!’’ he added cheerfully. He paused and rolled onto his stomach, looking up at the ceiling of the box. ‘’You’ll keep me company, righ’ Slender?’’
‘’Of course I will Jack.’’’
------
‘’...’ey Slen?’’ the voice in his head made Slender look up from the plate he was washing, even though there was nobody to look at. 
‘’Yes, Jack?’’ he asked. His soulmate’s voice was...quiet. Sad, almost. And it had become deeper, slightly rougher.
‘’Ow long ‘as i’ been since I go’ in ‘ere?’’ he asked softly. Slender paused for a second, softening. 
‘’It’s...coming up on four years, I believe.’’ he answered. Jack had been stuck inside his box for a very, very long time. He was still hopeful that Isaac would come back, and Slender doubted he’d been abandoned but...still. He worried about him- he didn’t have the same energy he once had. He’d have days, even weeks, where he was sad and inconsolable. 
‘’Why’s i’ been so long…?’’
Slender sighed. ‘’I don’t know, my love.’’ he murmured. Audibly. As if Jack were there with him and not trapped in a tiny box in Isaac’s room. ‘’But he’ll be back soon, I’m sure.’’ 
-----
‘’S-Slender-’’ Jack called out feebly. He was crouched on the floor of his box, staring at one of the corners. He trembled. ‘’Slender?!’’ 
‘’I’m here.’’ his soulmate sounded worried. ‘’What is it?’’
‘’T-The corner-’’ he choked out. ‘’I’...me colours…’’ the box’s interior was just- white. But this corner...the corner where Jack had been sitting in for the past two days was stained slightly. Red where his head had been resting, orange where his shirt had been, splashes of various rainbow patterns- they were...his colours. He shook his head, his air falling into his face. The tips of his hair were faded, a pale and desaturated version of the bright cherry red Jack was used to. 
‘’What do you mean?’’
Jack looked down at his hands. They were thinner, bonier, and his short nails had begun to grow sharper and longer. ‘’I fink...they’re fading…’’ 
-----
‘’Swee’ear’?’’ Jack murmured out as he lay on the floor of his box, scratching his boney claws against the floor. 
‘’Yes, sugarplum?’’ Slender replied. A nickname he’d given him, after the sugarplum fairies from ���The Nutcracker’. 
‘’Wha’s ‘appenin’ ta me…?’’ he asked shakily, his voice wavering. Six years. He’d been here six years now. Over the course of those years Jack had become quieter, more prone to tears, so...lonely, so desperate to get outside of those four white walls. His face was white, and his hands were blackened and bony. His clothing...the colours on them had faded and become desaturated versions of what was once bright and colourful. Cherry red hair had become pale and faded. It was disheveled and hung loose around his head rather than being bouncy and fluffy like it once had.
‘’...I don’t know.’’ Slender replied. It was silent for a long, long time. Jack felt so alone, yet Slender was there, always there, soft and loving. His only lifeline, his only support. The only friend Jack had left. ‘’...I don’t think Isaac is coming back, Jack.’’ 
He curled up, whimpering, ‘’Don’ say tha’.’’ he whimpered feebly. ‘’Please don’...’e-e’ll be back…’e would’n’...’’ he sniffled, on the verge of tears. God he- he needed someone- anyone, to hold him. He just wanted to be hugged, to feel a hand through his hair, to feel another body squeezing him- he- he wanted...he wanted Isaac...yet it was Slender’s name he found himself whimpering as he lay there limp, sobbing gently to no one but a voice that couldn’t do anything to help.
------
Slender tugged his scarf up as he stood on the doorstep of his house. He leaned down and grabbed his case, then turned to the doorway where his three siblings stood. He gave the best smile a faceless creature could. His youngest brother, Splendor, bounced where he stood and whined a bit before rushing forward and hugging him tight. ‘’You’ll come back, right??’’ he asked, staring up at his brother with watery eyes. Slender chuckled and pat his head.
‘’I told you, I’m only going to meet someone. Then I’ll come back.’’ he murmured. 
‘’And you’ll be safe, won’t you?’’ his twin asked. Slender chuckled.
‘’Yes, I will.’’ he replied as Splendor pulled off of him. He looked at his Sister. She gave him a soft nod.
‘’Don’t forget to write, brother.’’ she said softly. Slender nodded and stepped away from the house. 
‘’I won’t.’’ he said. He turned and walked off, through the woods and out into civilization. ‘’Jack?’’ he thought.
‘’I’m ‘ere…’’
‘’Good. I’m going to find you. I promise.’’ 
-----
Jack was asleep, and unable to guide him, but that was okay. He’d been searching through names and addresses and he was fairly certain he’d found it. The grossman house, if you could call it that. It was tiny and dilapidated. Barely a house and more of a shack. He walked up the small garden path and stopped. He reached down to the door and tugged it. Locked. He really didn’t want to do this but- as quietly as he could, Slender let a tendril snake out from behind him, pull back, then launch through the wooden door. He winced a bit in pain, but made the tendril move up and unlock the door from the inside. The door swung open and he paused. The house smelled terrible and looked even worse. 
‘’Jack.’’ he called out mentally. ‘’Jack, wake up, sugarplum.’’ 
‘’Mmm…?’’ he heard the familiar groan in his head. ‘’Wha’...?’’ 
‘’I’m here. I think.’’ he replied as he walked gently up the stairs. ‘’Which room is Isaac’s?’
‘’I-’’ Jack sounded shocked. ‘’I-i’s th’- th’ one on th’ left. Righ’ a’ th’ back.’’ he replied. Slender nodded, though Jack couldn’t see him, and followed his directions. He pushed open the door as silently as he could, wary of Isaac’s parents, and looked around. It was a tiny room, with only a bed, bedside table, wardrobe and toybox. On a shelf sat...a wooden box. Decorated with old, faded paint. Slender walked over to the box and paused. 
‘’...I’m here.’’ he whispered. ‘’I’m here, Jack, I-I-’’ he could feel tears rolling down his face. He reached down with shaking hands and gently turned the crank on the side of the box. He listened to the gentle noise of ‘pop goes the weasel’ as he turned it faster and faster until the lid abruptly popped open. He stepped back and stared at the box in silence. Nothing happened for a few moments, but then a black, clawed hand reached up shakily and gripped the edge of the box. Then, out of it, rose a head of faded red hair. Jack looked up at him with bright, blue eyes that looked so...tired. His face was sallow, his eyes sunken and his lips thin. He looked exhausted. His once bright colours faded almost to shades of grey and white. Wordlessly, he climbed out of the box, landing shakily on the ground, like he had almost forgotten to stand, then he slowly looked up to Slender. He stepped toward him, still staring with those wide, icy eyes. Tears pooled in the corners of them and he clenched his jaw. He collapsed against Slender, burying his face in his chest as he sobbed quietly. He wrapped his arms around his soulmate and squeezed him as tight as his weak body could. 
‘’It’s okay, sugarplum…’’ Slender whispered. ‘’You’re out now...you’re okay…’’
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shewritestheblues · 4 years ago
Text
The Elevator Bae x Chapter 6
Chapter SIX
Erik x Black OC (Phoenix)
-------------------
Camren stood in the center of everyone as they crowded around her singing Happy Birthday to her. She was all smiles with her Birthday Girl tiara on, holding up her glass of champagne. She swayed her hips back and forth until they finished.
“Thank you guys! This dinner was amazing. I love every single one of yall, but.. Ya’ girl is ready to turn up,” She points to Mica and Phoenix. “I know there’s more.”
“There’s always more.” Mica says.
Camren says good-bye to her family. Phoenix and Ava thanked everyone for coming out while Mica headed to the parking lot to get Ava’s truck.
Camren, Phoenix, Tiana and Ave piled themselves in Ava’s truck and Mica drove them to the club. As they approached the door, one of the security guards noticed Phoenix.
“Big Blue! What’s up lil mama?”
“Hey Jimmy.” she hugs him.
“They with you?” he motions to the women behind her.
“Of course. It’s Cam’s bday.”
Jimmy nods his head in Camren’s direction, “Happy Birthday. Blue got you the best section in this bitch.”
Camren can’t control herself, bouncing on her feet. “She was always my favorite.”
All of the women look at Camren. “Anything for you, Cam.” Phoenix says, grabbing Camren’s hand is leading them inside. Mica was the last in the small line of women and Jimmy stopped her.
“What’s your name lil mama?”
Mica looked him up and down, checking out his tatted, chiseled arms. He stands 6’4 with the prettiest teeth she had seen on a man. “Mica.” she finally responded.
“Come see me before y’all leave, alright?”
“Yeah, I got you.”
He winks at her and she turns to continue into the club where she found her friends watching her from inside the door.
“I see you, Mica. He fine as hell.” Tiana says.
The ladies follow Phoenix as she leads them to through the club. They traveled across the dance floor, around a huge bar and up a flight of stairs and glowed as they stepped on each step. They continued walking until they reached a huge section, with four bottles of Hennessy already waiting on ice. Coby was already there with a few other friends. He greeted each woman with a huge until her got to Ava. He wrapped his arms around her, grabbing her ass and kissing her. Phoenix proceeded to line up shot glasses and fill them with Hennessy. Each of her friends grabbed their glass, raising it in the air.
“Happy Birthday Camren. We love your crazy ass to the moon and back.” Phoenix says.
Everyone shouts, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAM!”
Tossing their shot glasses back, the women have begun their turn up. A few more shots and they were all twerking on each other and talking their shit, rapping along to every song that came on.
“We need a group picture.” Camren yells into Mica’s ear. Mica passes the message on, gathering all the women up near the balcony. Coby patiently waiting, and laughing, as they tried to map out their drunk poses.
“Can y’all c’mon?”
“WE’RE READY!”
Coby takes their pictures, getting every angle just in case somebody doesn’t like their face in the last pic. Because someone WILL decide on one that they don’t like.
“Send those to me.” Each of them yelled at Coby.
They continued to drink and dance. Drinking always gave Phoenix a bit more courage (and weed calms her nerves enough for her to be bold). She was also an I love you drunk and the feeling were starting to come out. She sat on Ava’s lap, hugging her. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Philly.” Ava smiles.
Mica, Camren and Tiana stood in front of them, “You don’t love us?” Camren yelled.
“Of course I love you. I love all of you so much.”
“We love you too.”
Camren pulls all of them into a group hug. “Thank You for my birthday.”
--------
As the night progressed, Phoenix found herself just sitting on the couch, babysitting her fourth drink, watching everyone around her. Mica joins her on the couch.
“You good?” she asked.
“Yeah. I’m just chilling.”
“Did you text your man, yet?”
“My what!” Phoenix acts surprised.
“YOUR MAN!”
Phoenix playfully rolls her eyes, “No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t-- I don’t wanna be all clingy. He just gave me his number a couple hours ago.”
Camren squeezes herself between them. “What are yall over here talking about?”
Mica looks at Phoenix, expecting her to spill it. She looks away, avoiding eye contact.
“Ugh. I’m trying to tell her to text her man.” Mica finally speaks up.
Camren pinches Phoenix, making her look back to them. “You have a man? Philly! Is he cute?”
“He’s not my man.”
“You want him to be. I seen how y’all was looking at each other.” Mica intervenes.
“We’re building a friendship.” Phoenix says trying to convince herself more than her friends.
“Those are the best kinds. But you never told me if he’s cute or not.”
“Yea--”
Mica interrupts, shaking her head. “The nigga is fine, Cam. He thick too. He just screams big dick energy.”
Camren looks impressed. “Girl, text him.”
Phoenix sighs, processing her friends words. The two of them leave her be on the couch once again. She downs the rest of her drink because fuck it. Erik is about to get this text. She picks up her phone from the table in front of her, typing her message.
Phoenix: Wassup Stevens. Guess who?
------------
Erik had just laid down in his bed. Tired was an understatement. He had worked out hard, earlier that day. After his exchange with Phoenix in the garage, he stopped by his friend, TJ’s place. Catching up and playing 2k. He had cancelled plans with TJ to go to the studio with Phoenix. After a few hours of that and eating a pound of wings, he was home, showered and ready to sleep. That is, until his phone vibrated on his nightstand. He reached for it not really expecting it to be anything. A random number texted him with the message, Wassup Stevens. Guess who?
He knew better. Of course it was Phoenix, but Erik being Erik, he had to have fun with this. His sleep could wait. His thumbs moved around the small keyboard, creating a response.
----------
Phoenix watched as the text bubbles popped up. She bit her lip to stop her smile from forming and waiting to see what he is going to say.
Erik😛: hmm, 🤔this Tiffany?
Phoenix: Boy, you got me fucked up.
Erik😛: lmao. Relax, Im just messing with you. I know this you baby girl.
Phoenix: You’re an asshole.🙄
Erik😛: You dont mind it though.
Phoenix: anyways. Wyd?
-------
Erik had completely sat up in his bed now. He wasted no time on saving her number as ‘Babygirl’.
Erik: Been laying here, waiting on you to hit me up. You still out?
Babygirl: Yeah and my bad.🙈 Didn't mean to keep you waiting.
Erik: I don't mind waiting on you.
Babygirl: Don’t make me blush Stevens.
Erik pictured just how she looks blushing and that made him blush. His cheeks were becoming sore from how big he was smiling. Little did he know, she was looking like a complete dork, smiling at her phone in the middle of the club as well.
———
Phoenix sat in the corner of the club couch texting Erik until her friends were ready to go. They had all decided they would stay at Coby’s house for the night. His place was their usual ‘after the club’ crashing spot. He had plenty of space for all of them. Tonight would be no different. The women piled into Ava’s Jeep. Camren laid out on the laps of those who sat in the back seat and Ava sat up front with her man. One of Coby’s friends took charge of his car and followed him home.
Phoenix couldn’t wait to make it to Coby’s house to continue texting Erik. She kept her phone in her clutch. She didn’t want to risk one of friends seeing her texting him and trying to be all up in her business even more than they already were.
“Let’s get some wings.” Camren shouted from the backseat.
“Where in the hell are we gonna get some wings from at 2:30 in the morning Cam?”
“I don’t know. I’m hungry.”
“I’m hungry too.” Mica and Tiana said at the same time.
“You hungry too, Philly?” Coby asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror.
“When am I not hungry?”
“Y’all gotta be shitting me,” Coby drags his hands over his face. He looks over to see Ava passed out against the window. “Listen. There nowhere that’s open right now that has wings. I can take y’all to McDonalds.”
“YES! I want some nuggets.” Camren sat up, almost hitting her head on the top of the truck.
“Anything else?” Coby asked.
The women started shouting out orders.
“Large fry.” “Nuggets!” “McChicken with cheese.” “Nuggets.”
Coby headed to McDonalds to get their food and take them to his house. He knew they would regret this decision in the morning but he’d rather that than to hear a bunch of drunk women cuss him out over some damn Nuggets if he told them No.
It took forever for McDonald’s to fill his large order. The women whined in protest to how long they were waiting. They finally got the food and dug in without a second thought.
“And y’all better not spill shit in her truck. I’m not trynna hear Ava’s mouth about nothing tomorrow.”
With that being said, Coby got them in the house safely and full. Each woman crashed in different areas of the house. By the time they made it to their destination, Phoenix had forgotten about her text conversation with Erik and passed out in one of Coby’s guest rooms.
————-
Waking up was rough. Phoenix could feel her heart beating in her head. She rolled around the bed, feeling through the sheets for her phone. The sun was shining bright through the window, she her task was tough when her head was buried under the covers. Not having any luck, she finally got up, still in her dress, to look for her clutch. Somehow, it made its way to the floor at the foot of the bed. She took out her phone to see that it's just past noon and she had two unread text from Erik. She grinned big, swiping her screen to open the messages. She scrolled a bit to read her last response to see what exactly he was responding to because in all honesty, she only remembered a few bits of last night after her third shot.
Phoenix: So are you gonna tell me your reasons for picking the tongue out emoji?
Erik😛: You’re not ready to find that out yet.
Erik😛: lol, you must be KO. Hope you had fun baby girl. Text me when you get up.
Phoenix couldn’t contain her excitement that they were actually texting each other now. No more waiting to just see him on the elevators. Her excitement took a turn when her head started spinning. She felt a knot in her throat. She tried to swallow it back down but there was no stopping it. She had to find a toilet, NOW! She ran into the guest bathroom, throwing up last nights drunk food. She leaned over the toilet, chastising herself. Finally sure that she got it all out, she got up to slowly walk her body out into the hallway. Since Coby’s house is their go to after the club, Coby started keeping a change of clothes for them. She made her way to the hall closet where he kept, t-shirts, leggings, etc along with towels. She picked out a fresh set of clothes and towels and went back into the guest bathroom and showered.
Phoenix got dressed and put her hair up into a top knot bun and went downstairs to find everyone else. She found Coby and Ava in the kitchen. Mica was still asleep in the living room, on the couch. The birthday girl and Tiana were somewhere, probably still asleep.
“Morning.” Coby said. His voice sounded like he was speaking in a megaphone.
“Morning.” she whined.
“C’mon over here,” He motioned to the car seat next to Ava, who was leaning over her arm. “I’ll make you some coffee too.”
Phoenix joined them, laying her head down over her hands. Coby started making her some coffee. He placed the creamer and sugar in front of her.
“My face hurt.” Ava finally spoke.
Coby slid a fresh cup of coffee to Phoenix. She added her creamer and more than enough sugar and sipped it slow.
“It’s almost one. I doubt we make it to brunch.” Phoenix says between sips.
They sat there in silence for awhile before they heard someone dragging their feet into the kitchen. “Morning.” They heard from a yawning voice. It was Camren.
“Morning, birthday girl.” Coby said.
“Stop yelling.” Camren said, leaning over the counter.
“I’m not yelling.”
“I want coffee.”
“Me too.” Mica says, joining them in the kitchen with Tiana right behind her. Coby went ahead and made all three of them some coffee. “Y’all need to eat.” He said filling their mugs.
“I want Roscoe’s.” Camren says.
“Tell me what y’all want and I’ll get it. I know yall asses aint trying to leave no time soon.”
Ava typed up their orders on her phone and sent it in a text to Coby. He left to get their food. While they waited, Camren, Mica and Tiana took showers. Ava and Phoenix waited for them to finish in the backyard, on the patio. They sat out there, both wearing a pair of Coby’s sunglasses in an attempt to block out the sun.
Phoenix remembered that she hadn’t yet texted Erik back. Her thumbs hovered over the phone until she could figure out what to say.
Phoenix: Hey, sorry. I was slumped last night. Good afternoon though.
The text bubbles popped up immediately.
Erik😛: It’s all good baby girl. You have fun?
Phoenix: Yeah. Feels like Im dying now though.
Erik😛: You eat something yet?
Phoenix: Coby’s getting us food. He should be here soon. Wyd?
Erik😛: Tell that nigga hurry up and feed my girl.
Erik😛: Im running some errands.
His girl? Phoenix didn’t mind being called his girl.
Phoenix: Im ya’ girl now?
Before Erik could text back, the rest of her friends joined her and Ava outside and they all started talking about the night before. Reminiscing on the fun times they had. Camren thanked them again for making sure her birthday was special.
“We have one more gift for you, Cam Bam.” Mica says.
“Yall have done enough. Stop it.”
“Girl bye. It’s your birthday.” Ava says walking back into the house.
“What y'all get me?” Camren looks at Phoenix and Mica. Neither of them respond. “Stop playing. What is it?”
Ava joins them again with an envelope in hand, giving it to Camren. “Open it.”
She opens it and pulls out a packet that pictures a villa and things to do on an island.
“What is this?” she yells out in excitement.
Tiana snatches the papers from her hands, “Girl, a vacation.”
“Are yall serious?”
“Mhmm,” Phoenix nods her head. “Five nights and six days in Turks and Caicos. Next month. All five of us.”
Camren started to cry. They hugged her and made fun of her for always crying. Coby comes back in with the food. He brings it outside to them.
“Damn, Cam. You always crying, bro.” he says, sitting the food on the table.
“Shut up. They got me a vacation.”
------------
Phoenix walks through her door, exhausted. She threw her body on her couch. What a day. Camren loved her birthday and her gift. Phoenix enjoyed her friends but let's be honest… people, including her friends, were tiring. Her social battery died hours ago. The relief to be home, alone in her own space. She laid there with her eyes closed, taking in the silence of her living room. Her phone goes off, taking Phoenix from her mind. She gets up to find it. She dropped all of her belongings on the floor when she came in and searched through her bag for it. Finally finding it, she has a text from Erik.
Erik😛: You made it in?
Suddenly, Phoenix had energy. She sat on the floor, bringing her knees to her chest. Smiling down at her phone, she responds.
Phoenix: yeah. Just got in.
Erik😛: wow, smh. Thanks for letting me know.
Phoenix: lol im sorry.
Biting her lip, she wants to do something. Her thumbs hover her keyboard. Erik hadn’t texted back yet so she still had time. Fuck it! What’s the worst that could happen?
Phoenix: Are you home?
The three minutes it took for him to respond felt like three years. Her palms were sweaty as she watched the bubbles pop up on the screen.
Erik😛: yeah. Whats up?
Phoenix: wanna come hang out with me?
Phoenix drops her phone on the floor. Her nerves taking over. “What the fuck am I doing? Am I doing this right now?” Her phone dings. She couldn’t open the message. What if he doesn’t want to? She picks up her phone, taking in a shaky breath as she swipes his message open.
Erik😛: 👀 yeah.
Erik😛: I got something for you too.
Phoenix: for me? What is it?
Erik😛: I’ll be down there in a minute. You’ll see.
Phoenix jumps up and picking up her bag and clothes from the night before, tossing them in her room and closing her bedroom door. She rushes back into the living room, turning on the tv. She checks her snack cabinet. She has plenty. “Okay...okay,” she says to herself. “We’re all good. This is gonna be cool. Just two friends--” her words are cut off by a knock at the door. She wipes her sweaty palms on her leggings and makes her way to the door. She opens the door and the site before her, snatched her breath. Erik stood there with his bare, muscled arms on full display as he sported a crisp, white fitted tank, paired with heather grey joggers that hung low. His dreads hung wildly over his face. She took in his seemingly flawless appearance piece by piece. Phoenix hadn’t realized that she was standing there, just staring at him until her waved his hand in her face, breaking her trance.
“Phoenix!” his voice boomed through her ears, flowing down into her chest. She squeezes eyes shut to regroup. She opens her eyes, pushing a small smile.
“Sorry.” she steps back to welcome him in.
He chuckles to himself. “You good, baby girl. You like what you see. I understand.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Stevens.”
He follows her to the couch. He digs into his pocket, pulling out a blunt. “This is for you.”
“Aw, thanks Stevens. We can smoke this right now, actually.”
He gives her a lighter and she lights the blunt taking a hit. Then another. She passes it to him. He takes a drag.
“So Stevens, I figured you could watch Steven Universe with me and eat Oreos.”
“Steven Universe? What the fuck is that?” he passes her the blunt.
“Only my favorite cartoon ever. It’s really good. You’re gonna like it.”
She gives him back the blunt and starts the show from episode one. She grabs a few snacks from the kitchen. “Look what I got.” She holds up two Martinelli Apple Juice. Erik holds his heart with a smile.
“You remembered.”
She joins him again on the couch, sitting so close, their thighs were touching. As the first episode begins, Phoenix sings along with the theme song. Erik watches her with a smile at how excited she was to be singing along. Erik reached down, grabbing her ankles and sliding her legs over his lap. She watched him, not taking her eyes from his hands as his fingertips trailed up her leg until he reached her thigh. He gripped her thigh and massaged it. The entire time his eyes never left the tv screen. Phoenix’s breath hitched as he continued rubbing the spot where his hand rested on her. She looked up at him. He was sitting there like he was just unaware of what he was doing. Something happened on the show that made him laugh and she watched as his body bounced with laughter. To distract herself, she stuffed an Oreo in her mouth and did her best to pay attention to the tv.
“Damn girl, you hogging the cookies.”
Phoenix had been cradling the pack of cookies, eating one right after the other. “Sorry. You want one?”
“Yeah. Feed me one.”
“Feed you one?”
“Yeah, c’mon girl.” He opened his mouth.
She slowly swallowed the remaining pieces she was holding in her mouth. She held the Oreo between her fingers, “You want me to break it for you?”
He cuts his eye at her. “Phoenix, I’m a grown ass man. Put the cookie in my mouth.”
She looked at him with a smirk. She would gladly put the cookie in his mouth. She giggled as she fed him the cookie. He caught on to why she was tickled and laughed himself. “You’re childish baby girl.”
“You said it.”
They continued watching the show and eventually ate the entire pack of Oreos. They were seven episodes deep when Phoenix found herself leaning on Erik’s shoulder. Her fingers were absentmindedly tracing his scars. When she noticed what she was doing, she looked at him, wondering if he knew what she was doing. Was he secretly enjoying it? He could feel her staring at the side of his face. He peeks over at her.
“What?” he asked.
She rubs her thumbs over her scars in thought. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
Looking at his arm, “What’s the meaning behind these?”
He watches as her thumbs move softly over his scars. He clenches his jaw and unclenches. Their eyes meet.
“Can I trust you?” he asked.
“I’m pretty sure if you couldn’t trust me, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.”
“True. If I tell you, you have to promise me that you won’t look at me any differently.”
“I promise.”
He sits there for a moment, gathering the right words. Phoenix was patient with him. She knew there was a deeper story to him. She was willing to sit there as long as she needed for him to feel comfortable. She continued to rub her thumb over her scars in the hopes that it would settle his thoughts.
“Remember when I told you my parents died when I was young and I had to take care of myself?” he started. Phoenix nodded, remembering their conversation in the studio. “That shit changed me. It was nothing that I could do. I was ready to give it to any and everybody. But I was smart about it. I went to the Navy. I trained. I worked hard. I was the best nigga they had. When it was time to get my boots on the ground, I made sure I always hit my target and anything that tried to get in my way. Each kill became a mark.”
Phoenix’s eyes trailed down in arm. There were so many scars. That meant so many bodies.
“I was top ranked. I was given the name Killmonger because I had so many kills.” he continued. “The scars were my way of making sure everybody knew how powerful I was. I wasn’t somebody to be fucked with. I’m not that helpless little boy on missions.”
Phoenix’s thumb motions stopped but she still held his arm in her hand. He looked over at her, searching her face for any sign of disgust or hate. Nothing. Her eyes met his.
“So you still do those missions?” she asked.
“Yeah. They’re a little different now.”
Phoenix seemed interested in what he meant. So he continued telling her how he is chosen for the top missions because of his skill. She asked about his parents and for the first time ever, Erik explained the truth about them. His mother dying in prison. His father being a prince of Wakanda and being killed by his own brother. The more he talked about Wakanda, Phoenix became confused.
“Wait… I thought Wakanada was like a third world country.” she said.
“That’s what they tell the world, but it’s far from a third world country.”
Phoenix sat there quietly, looking off at nothing. She pulled herself away from him in thought. He took that as her hating him.
“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you Phoenix.”
Her head snapped toward him. “It never crossed my mind that you would. I don’t think you’re a big, bad, scary person, E. Like you said, you did what you had to do.”
“Then why did you move over there?”
“Just thinking. I couldn’t imagine having to go through any of that. Here I am thinking my life was so shitty back in Detroit. Sure, it was bad but things could’ve been worse. You’re strong as fuck and honestly, I wish I had balls like you.”
A cheesy smile crept up on Erik’s face. “Nobody got balls like me.”
Phoenix looks at him with a straight face. “Wow. Here I am thinking we’re having a moment and you wanna talk about your balls.”
“You brought up my balls baby girl. I’ll gladly share them with you.”
“You know what I meant.” She said, hitting him in the chest.
“C’mere you little angry bird.” Erik pulls Phoenix back over to him. This time, he pulled her onto his lap. Sitting on him, she could feel his dick under his thin shorts. This man was blessed. He moved his body up, adjusting himself. He had to know exactly what he was doing. Staying up there would be dangerous. She needed to move herself. So she slid her body down to where she is now pinned between him and the arm of the chair. He legs are sitting on top of his. He gripped her thighs again. “You made me miss what happened so we have to start this episode over.” He picked up the remote, restarting the episode. Phoenix didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. The two of them continue watching Steven Universe like nothing ever happened. He wrapped his hand around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.
Phoenix had drifted off to sleep. Erik softly shook her awake.
“Philly. Wake up baby girl.”
Phoenix slowly wakes up, stretching. “How long was I sleep?”
“Not long. But it’s getting late. I’m gonna get out of her and let you rest.”
Phoenix lays back on his shoulder. “You’re really comfortable.”
Erik scoops Phoenix up in his arms. He picks her up, as he stands and setting her down carefully on her feet. They share a smile. She follows him to the door to let him out. When they approach the door, Erik turns around and snakes his hand around Phoenix’s waist, pulling her into a hug. She automatically wrapped both of her arms around his neck. She took in his presence, one last time. He pulled back, grabbing her chin. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. Her body melted into his as laid her head against his chest. “Don’t forget to text me about your show tomorrow.” he spoke lowly in her ear. All Phoenix would do was nod her head. He opened the door, stepping out.
“Goodnight baby girl.”
“Night, E.”
Closing the door and locking it. Phoenix leaned back on the door. She wanted so bad to turn her head and catch his lips with hers. She fought against it. Her brain now ringing with the ‘what if’s’ if she did. She couldn’t do this to herself. She was going to bed.
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oh-theatre · 5 years ago
Text
Objection!: Chapter 23
Chapter title: Do You Love Me?
A/n:  EYYYY GUESS WHOS BACK!! I worked very hard on this chapter and even though it sucks I hope you enjoy! Alot was revelaed and happened so ooOoOo things are getting back and YALL ARE NOT PREPARED FOR WHATS COMING! ANYWAY ENJOY A BAD CHAPTER!
(ok its unedited because my stuff isnt working so ill fix anything thats wrong later)
lmaooo can you say bad ™ 
First | Previous | Next
words: 5083
summary: Logan has a proposition and Patton receives information
pairings: logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile
warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene,  murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions, alcohol, hinted/almost abuse
Ao3 Link  
“Ok careful Remus, hes just a little baby” Patton cautions, holding carefully to his more than excited son. Remus bounces as Damian takes his turn first, his own father seating him gently on the couch as Emile watches Thomas softly.
“Ready?” Virgil sits next to his child, rubbing his back soothingly as a small nervous ball grows in Damian. He nods biting his lower lip, Emile moves closer, with a quick affirmation from Virgil, he places Thomas into Damians arms. “Dee, this is Thomas” Virgil supports the small boy, holding Thomas steady.
“Hello Thomas” Damian smiles shyly, Virgil looks up quickly hoping his tears will halt in their own. “My names Damian” He puts his hand out, watching as Thomas wraps his intrigued fingers around Damians. A sweet giggle as the pair interact. “Papi look” His eyes alight as Thomas only laughs further.
“Mmhm” He responds, Patton gives hims a soft squeeze on the shoulders, noting the glazed eyes Virgil retains. Remus tugs on his father, his eyes wide with anticipation.
“My turn papa! My turn!” Valerie whines, the group chuckles as a tender connection of mystery between Damian and the baby is broken. Remy nods content, taking Thomas from Damians hold. He and his father move away making room for Patton and the twins, both bouncing with excitement.
“Ok, remember what I told you, gentle right?” Patton tries once more, Remus and Valerie nod a sudden calm flooding them. Remy cradles Thomas into Patton's arms first, securing the child safely. “Remus, Valerie...this is Thomas” He introduces, Valerie leans over a bit, waving with delight as the baby giggles. Remus shys away, picking at the ends of his shirt. Logan cocks his head allowing Patton to meet his eyes. “Crabcake? Wanna say hi to Thomas?”
“I don't wanna” He mumbles, Patton looks to Logan a quick understanding as Thomas is placed in the lawyers arms. Valerie continues her meeting, trying and succeeding to make the baby laugh. Remus pouts hopping off the couch, retreating into his room. Emile and Remy share a glance, before Patton himself makes a quick exit.
“Mind if I join you?” He knocks, a sullen Remus sits on his bed, tracing the outlines of animals on his covers. He shrugs giving Patton permission. Patton takes his son, placing him on his lap sweetly, wrapping him up. “Penny for your thoughts?” He jokes, Remus fights a smile. Patton hums ever so gently, swaying his son slightly.
“I'm scared” Remus admits, his pout continues. Patton adjusts so he can see Remus’s face, brushing fallen hair away. He waits for more, knowing that he needn't push. “I don't wanna break him” The child's voice is so soft, barely audible as it's muffled by insecurity. “He's just a little baby” Remus cries, Patton wastes no time securing tighter, rubs of comfort are administered.
“Shh, Remus its ok…” Patton soothes, the boy shakes his head, crying into his dad. He watches as his son picks once more at the edges of his shirt, after a few tries he notices a forming routine. “Kiddo breathe” He shows Remus how to do so, a simple method. “You're not gonna break him, I promise” Patton takes a tissue, patting Remus’s face delicately, drying away his doubts. “Babies are strong, and even then I'm gonna be right there” Remus leans into Patton, sighing shakily, a blubber of tears swelling.
“P-promise?” Remus asks, Patton places a loving kiss through his hair, nodding as he returns a sweet embrace.
“Promise” He assures. With that, the pair give themselves a few moments to reboot, preparing for their re-entry into the living room. Logan still holds Thomas as Valerie plays excited with him, Damian watches from afar, the smallest of smiles. “Come on” Patton encourages, Remus takes his spot next to Logan, before a moment of hesitation, he holds Thomas in his arms. Logan and Patton on either side.
“He's smiling!” Remus laughs, a mischievous grin upon Thomas’s face as he pokes and prods at Remus. “He tickles” Remus giggles, Emile and Remy smile soon joined by the rest. Patton nods, another kiss to his son's forehead as he eases into Thomas. “You're my friend now” He proposes, Thomas claps ecstatic. Virgil replaces Logan and Patton, surrounded by eager children, the lawyers meet in the kitchen.
“Everything alright?” Logan wonders, filling the kettle with water, preparing two cups. Patton takes two packets from the cupboard, handing the tea to Logan as they dance around each other. “Fruit or chamomile?” Logan questions
“Fruit please” Patton replies, taking the honey from the shelf, barely reaching. An eruption of giggles and laughter from the room distracting them momentarily. “I'm not sure” Patton admits, watching the twins from the opening, leaning over a bit, resting himself. Remus switches through fast faces, as if Valerie were clicking away the channels. “I'm just worried about Remus” Patton laments, Logan finishes his duties, pouring an even amount into the prepared devices. Placing a cup in front of Patton, he places his free hand over Pattons, squeezing it.
“Anything I could do to assist you?” Logan offers, Patton lets out a weak chuckle. He turns to the lawyer, scanning his features, noting the emerging blush as it comes. A sudden impulse to go forward halted by his own resilience to shatter anything. Luckily, or not, his phone offers the perfect excuse. Returning the squeeze, he takes the call out of earshot.
“Patt-” He begins
“I think by now we’re well acquainted, would you agree mister Hart?” The voice, though crackled through the phone, leaves no tone of fear behind. Patton takes a quick glance behind him, steadying his heart at the sight of a calm Logan.
“Who are you?” He begs, a sharp whisper. A toxic laugh comes through, only more painful through the static. He feels the room around him slow as he fastens, every inch of his body vibrating quickly, what was going on.
“I truly recommend you dont waste any more moments mister Hart, it would be a shame to see you go without a proper send off” And soon the noise Patton had come to dread, the line goes out, as Patton's mind only runs further.
~~~
“Holy shit, Tolentinos a romantic” Virgil teases, Patton nudges him hiding his dusted cheeks. “Hey if it doesn't work, mind if I…” he raises an eyebrow “Ya know” Patton groans, rolling his playful eyes.
“Walking away now” he decides, Virgil cackles but catches up nonetheless. He links his arms with his friend, striding they fall into a gentle routine. “It was...sweet” Patton hazes, his mind returning to that fateful evening, the stars had never looked so prominent as they flashed only hope into him.
“I'm only teasing, but uh...I think Roman might have some competition” A shared laugh, Patton shakes his head. The leaving winds of January hit them as they walk through the courtyard, the fountains soft spritz as it tries to fight the cold. A tight flutter to the chest as Patton eyes fall on someone waiting by the coffee cart, standing idle as he observes the world. Virgil coughs noticing the clear distraction. “Come on” He drags Patton over, watching as both their faces light up.
“Patton, good morning” Logan greets, a gentle glance to Virgil before he places a soft kiss on Patton's cheek. A soothing touch to Pattons arms. Virgil nods, happy for the long hidden smile on Patton's face. “Virgil, how are you?” Looking between the pair the detective smirks.
“Better” He admits, Patton gives a light squeeze.
“A very good morning to you all!” Roman gallants, nudging each of them. Patton gives a confused greeting back, Logan simply grunts. Roman bobs his head, none of them dare amuse his excitements, too early for the judges typical performances. Not that they didn't enjoy it dearly, but there was a time and place for such things. An impatient Virgil cant take his incessant tappings, giving into the trap.
“What's got you so excited Ro?” Virgil groans, taking his coffee, paying the amount needed. Romans eyebrows bounce, an unamused Virgil flicks him. Patton feels his hands quickly warm, looking to a more than confident Logan as he interlaces their fingers. “Walk with me Ro” Virgil decides, hoping to give the flustered lawyers a moment.
“Ten bucks he looked up how to be a romantic and good boyfriend” Roman whispers once there is distance between them, Virgil laughs but takes Romans extended hand shaking it.
“You're so on Reial” Virgil agrees, the pair disappearing into the safe haven of the courthouse. Patton watches the pair wistfully, shaking his head at their antics whatever they may be. Logan finishes his beverage, handing a prepared one to Patton.
“Well thank you!” Patton takes a sip, an instant calm seeps into him. “Logan-” He begins, his tone changes, pivoting from his cheerful delight, looking forward to his day must come later.
“We should talk, about what exactly this relationship is” Logan deems, Patton bites his lower lip nodding. “Boyfriend feels too casual” Patton supposes he agrees, not sure where the conversation will take them. “Partner?”
“In crime?” Patton jokes, he shakes an apology “You know you're not just...getting me? You get into this, you get the twins too” Patton reminds, Logan remains unphased “It won't just be fun Logan coming over, getting to see them in their happiest of states”
“Give me a trial run” Logan blurts, Patton coughs on his drink. “You have the charity dinner tonight, I presume Virgil was going to watch the twins, let me” He rambles, excited, almost a spark surrounds his feet. “We both know how long those dinners go”
“Lo...are you sure?” Patton doesnt want something to change, a quick turn and Logan could be out of it his life for good, even the thought shakes Patton, consuming his dark mind.
“Positively” Logan stands firm, his fingers still in Pattons, his heart matching Patton's steady beat. Neither had been so sure of something. Patton leans over, a soft kiss to Logans cheek. “Is that a yes”
“You break em, you buy me new ones” he teases “But yes” Logan goes to speak but Pattons not finished, his quick eyes stopping the lawyer “Lo, those kids are my life. They are my first priority always, I love them so much…”
“I wouldn't want it any other way” Logan sighs, Pattons lips ease into a gentle smile. “Tonight, Ill pick them up from daycare and go from there” He hopes, Patton squeezes reassuringly, his own nerves washing away.  
“Mister Hart there you are!” The lawyers turn, a resumed Haley approaches. “Mister Tolentino” She greets, Logan nods back.
“Captain, is everything alright?” Patton inquires, watching as Remy and Virgil reappear closing in. “Guys?” Remy and Virgil share a worried glance, reading each other's expression. A tightened grip to Logans hand as Haley begins.
“The case is reopening” She breathes, Pattons eyes grow wide “George isn't guilty...you were right” She continues but Patton can't hear, the wind swirling around him as his body falls light. No roots planted, he could float away riding a stream of his thoughts and fears. His doubts capturing him as they consume, the only thing he can feel his Logans hand in his own.
Not guilty?
I was...right?
“Stop!” He exclaims, sporadically putting distance between him and the group. Logan instantly misses his hold, a chilling absent on his hand. Virgil and Remy remain grounded, both simply anticipating. “Enough, enough with the back and forth. This is not a TV drama, this is a courthouse, there are peoples lives at stake. Children and families are involved. This is not a game, you need to be sure that the words you speak at this moment are as true as gospel” Patton's voice is deep, completely even as it shoots at Haley. “So captain, what is it?” Logan turns expectant to Haley, extremely impressed with Patton.
“Mister Hart...I am completely sure” Haley confirms “Under accounts, undeniable evidnce and overwhelming arguments also compelling, George W. Hoff…” Patton sucks in sharply, the room awaits those simple words. “Is the furthest thing from guilty” a shaky breath and an attempt to stop his tears...Patton was back.
~~~
“I want a meeting with the client and his family, I want to speak to Carlton, retrieve any previous files from the case and the existing ones” A frantic assistant does her best to keep up, following Patton as they tread through the courthouse. Logan follows calmly, trying hard to hide his smirk. “Also get me any files on detective Carltons work at the precinct since he was hired. I want to know the man so well we might as well be married” A quick chuckle from Logan catching the lawyers attention, he blushes his returns but they share that moment.
“Is that all?” She breathes as they pause in front of Patton's office. He softens pulling out his wallet.
“No, go grab some food Willow” he requests, she smiles relieved. “Thank you for everything, truly” He gives her some cash, a prideful grin before she nods walking away. “Sweet kid” Patton watches her go, a familiar fondness for the young dreamer, even though she was twenty four. He walks into his office, promptly followed by Logan.
“In all honesty, that was very attractive” Logan sits, continuing his light skimming of files. Patton lets out a nervous laugh, hiding his reddened cheeks. “Apologies” Logan whispers, Patton shakes his head
“No no it's fine, I'm flattered just…” He tilts his head, he's not sure what really. “I don't know” He laughs, Logan gives an uneasy smile but shrugs. “Hmm...Diana Bernard?” Patton reads “She's playing the prosecution” He informs, Logan registers a thoughtful glance. He awes as he reads her transcript “Woah she's young, twenty five years old,  graduated- hey! Harvard law.” He beams, Logan finds himself intrigued. How different their reactions to the competition are. “Seems like it's going to be quite interesting!” He takes a second examining Logan's face “I'm sorry...I shouldn't be...rubbing this in your face”
“Patton, as I have told you a million times. I am fine, I chose not to rejoin the case, I don't believe in my argument anymore. It would be a waste of my time and a fight.” He lays it out, Patton moves to his side after straightening his files, a quick peck to Logans cheek before he leaves his office.
“You're never gonna get used to that” Virgil plops himself into Pattons chair, Logan leans forward, deciding to play along to the sentiment “The casual-ness of it all, soon enough it'll become routine. Hand holding, quick kisses, prolonged moments of touching, you'll literally just be inseparable”
“You make it sound like its a bad thing” Logan deciphers quickly, almost wanting Virgil to go on. Virgil chuckles through a scoff, tapping the desk, a melody emerging.
“So you're not rejoining the case?” Virgil questions, bored by the topic wishing for a pulse in his interest. Logan, bored by the same question, changes it himself.
“What do you think about James and Roman?” He pushes, Virgil sighs his memories quickly showing that of which he knows. “No I'm genuinely curious, they moved quite fast”
“Romans happy, and I think that's really all that's important” Virgl yawns, laying his head fully on the wooden desk, the cool touch calming him. “What about you and Patton? Things seem to be going really well” He mumbles, Logan almost has trouble hearing him. “He seems really happy, and you do too” Virgil notes
“I am, and I just hope tonight goes smoothly” He sighs, virgil sits up raising a frisky eyebrow “Virgil, no” Logan shuts it down instantly “Im taking the children tonight, and frankly I am quite nervous” He whispers to himself
“Hey L! Thats a big step, I know Patton he doesn't just leave his kid with anyone” Virgil nods, a gleam to his words
“Yes, and after tonight he wont be leaving me with them again” Logan laments, Virgil tilts his head. “He made a very good point, I don't know the first thing about raising children. Yes, Ive seen it done, Ive been a child and been around children. But he is correct, there is a difference between seeing them at their happiest as opposed to raising them” Logan inhales sharply, Virgil takes his hand squeezing.
“Come back to me Logan” Virgil requests, remembering Patton's own grounding methods. “Ill help you, grab a notepad, class is in session” Virgil quips, a smirk upon his determined face. After an unsure moment Logan nods, falling under the complete control of the detective. The evening goes by quickly, Virgil goes through everything he can. The basics first, then he specifies more towards his own experiences with the twins and what they need. “Ok ready? Your very first test” Logan swallows but allows Virgil to continue “First thing you do?”
“Check that the car seats are stable, then check in at the reception” He taps his foot, adjusting his tie, wanting room to breathe “Before we leave I need to make sure that they both have everything, not forgetting anything”
“You're in the car, now what?” Virgil presses, checking off a few things as Logan goes through everything.
“I secure both of them, Valerie will insist she knows how to do it but I have to check her seat” Logan chuckles, Virgil looks to his own notes, a pursed smile. I didn't tell him that… “Then we drive home, after a final check, especially Remus he gets nervous in cars” Virgil just listens, once he gets going Logans a natural
“Youve arrived home, its four pm” Virgil proposes
“Ill arrange them some healthy snacks while they watch cartoons” Logan tries not to smile, reminiscing on his cooking lesson with the pair. “Then I will help them with any work they have, Valerie will work alone and come to me if she has questions. I have to...work carefully with Remus, he gets frustrated easily” Logan rambles, Virgil barely keeps up
“L, you know these kids..” Virgil interjects, Logans eyes widen softly. “Whats next?”
“They will have around an hour of free playtime while I prepare supper, Remus will sometimes offer to help and Valerie will be outside” He rubs roughly against his forehead “Supper will commence and then I will help get them ready for the night. Remus insists on taking a bath, while Valerie enjoys a shower. They don't need help, unless specified?” He checks, Virgil nods
“Ok, everyones ready for bed, they've eaten and done their work, its six or seven...what now?” Virgil leans forward, knowing Patton has the same thing for Damian.
“They usually decide to do something fun, giving me a moment to work if I need to. Or they will want to do something with me- er Patton…” Logan rubs his tired eyes, his mind pulsing “At eight they must be in bed, they will receive a bedtime story and final requests such as water. Then by eight thirty its lights out, except their nightlight” He yawns, the idea of rest calling to him
“Everyones in bed, final steps” Virgil teases
“Well this is more loose, usually cleaning, work or relaxing time. But once I choose to retreat to my bed for the night I must check on the twins at least twice” Logan aces his final words, before Virgil can congratulate the lawyer, Logan gains a slow smile “Im ready...Im going to be ok”
~~~
“You're really ok with me doing the ‘Alphabet Murders’ case?” James inquires, stabbing his salad again. Roman swallows his own food, nodding annoyed.
“Yes, I'm totally okay with it” Roman repeats “As I have told you a million times” James chuckles, taking his hand across the desk.  “Sorry Im just...antsy” He rubs his hand back, finding comfort tracing the sweet pristine lines of James’s hand
“I heard, big meeting tomorrow” James smiles, Roman averts his gaze, feeling just slightly out of place. Here is someone who understands him, so well and yet… “You'll do great, just be you, you know what you're doing” James comforts, its true, Roman knows exactly what he’s doing. If anything, they should be nervous of him. “Wanna go over anything?”
“No I think Im good, just gotta...take a deep breath-”
“Take it all in, feel all those halogens warming your skin” Patton finishes creaking into the office. Roman laughs, James stands shaking Patton's hand. He moves to Romans side as Patton takes a seat. Soon after another body enters the room.
“Diana Bernard” She introduces, extending a hand towards Patton. He shakes it with a cheery smile. “Damn, you're nice, gonna be hard to hate you in court” She jokes, Patton chuckles sitting down as she does the same.
“Shame” He shakes his head, a playful sigh. “Patton Hart by the way” He adds, She smiles.
“Alright lets get started, you both know why you're here” Roman claps, James skims through some files, tuning himself out of the conversation. “As you know, you'll both be on the ‘Alphabet Murders’ case. Mister Sanders you will continue representing the defense” Patton nods in confirmation “And miss Bernard you will be representing the prosecution”
“That is correct” She smirks, Patton glances her way, a deep breath. “I believe you will be serving as the judge?” She asks, Roman raises his brows with a smile.
“No actually, thats why I called you in here” Roman gestures to James, the judge puts down his reading and faces the pair “James McCoy will be replacing me in this position” Patton coughs but scribbles down some things. “I assume that won't be...an issue?” He checks, Diana holds her head up high shaking it. Patton smiles, Roman snaps complete. “Great! James would like your evidence and anything from the previous case and new information by the end of tomorrow”
“Will do” Patton assures
“Perfect” Roman sighs “Youre both excused, thank you” With a quick dismissal, the pair make their way out of the office leaving a curt Roman. “Mm” He mumbles, James leans over taking his hand.
“You alright?” He wonders, Roman feels a rapid  heat to his face, his heart skips only a moment. He turns to James kissing his cheek softly.
“Yeah, I actually am” He releases an amused breath, another kiss to James “Thank you” James shrugs but stands, one final look at Roman before he leaves the judge to smile in his happy thoughts. This moment, unbeknownst to Roman, would soon be over with a short yet filled text.
~~~
“Are you sure you can do this Liam?” Patton questions rushing to pack his things, the sound of the twins calling to him plunging a deep pain into his heart. “Liam!” Patton exclaims, his partner looks from the couch grumbling.
“What?” He groans, Patton pouts but keeps his breathing steady.
“The kids cupcake” Patton reminds, Liam rolls his eyes waving him off. He bites his quivering lip as the children only continue their wails. He drops his things rushing to their cribs, holding them quickly in his arms. Bobbing softly, humming a gentle tune as they calm themselves. “Sh, its alright my little angels” He assures, kissing them each softly on the head
“Theres a-” Liam interjects, burping through his pause “Car waiting for you out front” He informs. Patton sighs nodding, one more check on his children before putting them back into their crib.
“Schedules on the fridge, just make sure they eat and drink, then just if they start to cry-” He snaps in front of Liams un-observant eyes “Read or sing to them, rock them back and forth, ok?” Liam yawns “Liam, I need you to pay attention ok?” He panics, his throat clawing desperately as it tries to keep stable
“Its not that hard, I can take care of two kids for the night” Liam's voice only deepens, his aggravation clear.”Just go..ugh. And pick up another case of beer on the way home” He requests, already retreating to the couch.
“Our kids!” He corrects, his brows furrowed, his eyes shine with tears.
“Don't get emotional Patton” Liam warns, turning to the lawyer. “We wouldn't want anything bad to happen now would we?” His thin lips scowl, Pattons anger quickly turns to fear as his eyes dart to the door. “You know, I think youve been a little bit bossy tonight” Liam taps a mocking finger to his chin
“I'm sorry, just...take care of them ok?” Patton barely whispers, his body recoiling. Liam grunts, nudging Patton back a bit. “Liam please, not tonight, I have to go” Patton begs, feeling small once more. Liam scoffs, pushing harder once more, clearly wanting to go further. But alas, a knock on the door, grasping both of their attention.
“Patton? Are you ready to go?” Logans voice breaches Patton's mind, the dark clears out as the room returns to normal. “Patton?” An involuntary squeal escapes, somehow Logan hears it “Are you alright? Is he hurting you?” Logan knocks again, Liam clutches his jaw together, forcing Patton to straighten his posture.
“Go get the door, say nothing, got it?” Liam commands, Patton nods rushing. Using the ends of his perfectly pampered suit to wipe away any remains of his tears.
“Heya Lo!” He greets, a genuine smile across his face as his eyes land on his fellow lawyer. Logan makes an uneasy glance towards Liam who turns towards the kitchen, a concerned hand is taken between the lawyers.
“Are you alright?” He whispers, Patton squeezes Logans careful hand. “Patton?” The lawyer nods, closing his eyes as he confirms his lie.
“We should go!” Patton resets, his entire body depleting any previous feelings. Logan, though still wary, felt it best to get Patton away. So they set off.
~~~
“Remus come on, its dinner time” Logan asks once more, the boy grumbles but kicks the ground as he stumbles towards the lawyer. He lifts him up, placing him delicately into his chair next to Valerie. Once they are settled he serves them his homemade meal. A delicious mac and cheese, a side of sauteed broccoli and fresh juice. Not that they would ever know what that meant.
“Mac and cheese!” They cheer together, delighted laughs, Logan takes this as his chefs praise.
“Bon appetit!” He gleams, shaking his head instantly.
“Bone apple teeth?” Valerie questions, Logan chuckles stroking her head. She cocks her head, Remus begins digging in.
“Close enough Val” He assures, as they eat away, talking through full mouths of gooey delight, Logan moves to t he kitchen. Washing away slowly at the dishes, watching the twins. The night moves on quickly, once their food is finished Logan assists the children get ready for the evening. A very messy bubble bath with Remus and a long shower for Valerie and the twins are cosy in their pajamas. Relaxing, cuddled onto Logan as they prepare to watch a fun movie.
“I wanna watch ‘Chowder’!” Remus insists, poking excited at Logans face. Valerie yawns leaning her head on Logans lap.
“Not a movie stupid” She comments, Logan situates them both carefully. “Sleepy” She pouts in his face, he kneels in front of them on the floor.
“No name calling Valerie” He reminds with a calm tone “And Remus, we should watch something everyone will enjoy ok?” He suggests, they share a glance but nod. Soon enough the trio decide to watch ‘Coco’ and settle in with some snacks. Though a very amazing movie, and enjoyable, the twins fall asleep fast. Valerie takes her stride moving to her room almost instantly. Wishing a sweet goodnight to Logan.
“Nighty night” She places a kiss on his cheek, standing on the soft couch as she clutches to her stuffed animal. After a quick hop, she disappears into her room. Remus fights a little longer, kicking and moaning everytime Logan offers he give in for the night. Alas, the small boy had a long day and couldn't hold out much longer, soon enough his head falls into Logan as he shuts off. Clearly dreaming away, the sweet adventure of his mind running. Logan finds his own self falling to the mercy of the night, his own mind resting. Even through some trial, Remus waking every so often, Logan finds a way.
“Thats wha- oh!” Patton quiets instantly as he steps into his warm home. He closes the door ever so softly behind him, holding the phone to his ear. “Virge I gotta go, ill talk to you later”
Patton tries not to ‘aw’ audibly as his breath disappears. His eyes falling onto a sleeping Logan, protecting Remus with his arms. He sets his things down, putting away all his necessary items before moving towards the couch. He strokes away Logans loose hair, kissing his forehead softly, Logan stirs awake. A confused blink of his eyes as he wakes to a smiling Patton.
“Oh” He yawns, adjusting so he can face Patton. “Guten morgen” He greets, his mind still fuzzled. Patton chuckles leaning himself on the couch. Logan leans in kissing him, pulling away with a sleepy smile.
“I think its time for you to sleep, come on” He gestures, Logan takes a still snoring Remus in his arms but follows Patton to the hallway. They stop in front of the twins room, Patton takes Logans yawning cheek. “Thank you Lo, for everything”
“No need to thank me, I love your children. They're wonderful and creative and kind and-” He pauses, stifling yet another yawn. Patton chuckles. “Oh, Remus was having trouble sleeping, so I suggest maybe he stay in your room for the evening” Logan proposes, Pattons heart takes control, breaking through any grounding he set up. He leans in kissing Logan, not wanting to pull away from the perfect fit.
“I love you” He promises, even after the silence, he still smiles. Whether or not the feeling was returned, he knew it was real, there, true and...happy.
“I love you too” Logan admits, even though a question in his mind, the answer fell out instead. Patton purses a squealing smile. Before they can make any sudden movements, Remus coughs on Logans shoulder, sitting up.
“I love you too!” He cheers before his head promptly falls asleep once more in the comfort of Logans arms. Shared laughter before the night concludes. Each person falling asleep with a complete sensation of joy. Even Patton forgets a threatening call he received earlier. 
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figuringouthowtobehere · 4 years ago
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please dont reblog this
i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.
im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.
please dont reblog this
cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world
i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood. 
i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.
ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now. 
so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.
and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it. 
and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.
i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would. 
im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.
i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.
help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.
if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well
please dont reblog this!!
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knicole0527 · 4 years ago
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How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?
So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .
But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .
Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .
Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .
Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .
Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .
Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .
Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .
We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .
I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .
But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .
But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .
Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .
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