#anyways this won't be the last time you see this concept trust me

[stellar-bluelock]

until the world knows your name ☆ itoshi rin x reader

details: fluff | hurt/comfort | childhood best friends | platonic/romantic relationship | ~1.1k words | gn! reader | if there's something i wanted to tell rin after the u-20's match, this is it lmao

On the night of the U-20 vs. Blue Lock XI exhibition match, you will never forget the way everyone's jaw drops when you ask where Itoshi Rin is.

"Rin?" Someone asks in confusion. "You wanna see him?"

You hear the other members whisper, but you're not that surprised.

If Rin hasn't changed throughout his stay in Blue Lock, it makes sense for his teammates to question how confidently you request for his presence.

"Uh, he was in the locker room when I saw him last. I don't know if he's still there...or if he's in the mood to see any visitors?"

Ah. The celebrated striker of the night, Isagi Yoichi.

"That's not unlike him," you respond. "But, could anyone tell him that I'm here to see him?"

One of the blue-haired members volunteers—a quick memory of remarkable passing abilities flashes in your mind. He asks for your name before returning inside the main building.

The chilly air bites at your face as you wait. For a few moments, silence hangs heavy in the atmosphere.

Well, up until someone opens their mouth. The dam breaks.

"Are you Rin's friend?"

"A secret sibling we didn't know about?"

"Significant other?"

"Guys, don't bother them."

You chuckle, a little amused at their curiosity.

(You'll never admit it, but there's a selfish joy you feel from being someone that Rin can trust wholeheartedly.)

"Best friend."

Your answer effectively cuts off their stream of questions—for a few seconds, at most.

The concept of Rin having a best friend seems entirely foreign to them.

"You're..."

"Wait, they're looking for Rin, right? Not Sae?"

"Are you also friends with Sae?"

"What the heck happened between those two-"

Oh, that's not territory they can cross.

"I won't entertain any other questions, sorry." You smile, perhaps a little too sweetly. "But anyway, congratulations on the game."

Some of the boys pout at being denied the chance to learn juicy information about their teammate; thankfully, they don't protest.

"Thanks, it was a tough one," Isagi states and you nod.

This is the first time you've met the striker, but your gut tells you that he's Rin's newest rival—if Rin's glare at the end of the match was anything to by.

"Even I couldn't tell how it was going to end," you admit. "You all had me at the edge of my seat."

"I was lucky to be in the right spot." Isagi pauses for a moment. "But, it only happened because Rin managed to get the ball."

He smiles but it falters for a moment. "I just wish that he was a little happier about the win, but at least he seems fired up!"

"That's Rin for you."

"Are you talking about me?"

At the sound of a new voice, everyone's head simultaneously turns to the facility's entrance.

Rin's eyes are narrowed in suspicion, but you see the way they widen a fraction when they land on you.

(You're not sure if anyone ever notices, but you always do.)

"Yes. I was looking for you."

"You should've gone home. It's getting late."

A few scandalized gasps escape from the group, but a quick glare from Rin shuts them up.

"Uh, we'll leave you to it...nice meeting you!" Isagi laughs nervously, hastily pushing the rest of the team away.

You chuckle at the chaos while Rin scoffs. However, as the rest of the Blue Lock members disappear from sight, you can see his shoulders relax more.

It's just you two now.

As you look at his expression, you realize that it holds a wild mix of emotions. You can't tell what it is just yet.

So, you start with what you know.

"What did Sae tell you on the field?"

The frown is immediate.

"Piece of shit," he seethes. "Didn't even acknowledge me. Talked to me just to praise that stupid Isagi."

You click your tongue. When you were all kids, Sae was never the best with words and talking to others.

(Even then, you find yourself wondering what the hell happened to him in Spain.)

"Just because he scored that damn goal." Rin clenches his fists. "The whole team was centered around me and my attack ability. I got that ball!"

He lowers his head, shaking in frustration. "But nothing. Everyone's cheering his name. Even my shitty brother would rather talk about him."

Hesitantly, you reach a hand out to brush his bangs to the side. Out of instinct, you nearly want to tell him that everything will be okay.

That's what you used to tell him in middle school; a bad match, a bad score on a test, a scolding from his parents, a minor injury, even small arguments with Sae.

But now...those words feel empty. Not when his life has truly turned upside down, for better or for worse.

"Rin?"

He hasn't pushed your hand away, so you get a clear view of his teal eyes, round and unguarded—the very ones that have been burned into your memory for years.

"Although your team won, you have every right to feel frustrated."

He sighs. "Finally. I've had enough of them telling me to cheer up."

"They've been pestering you all these months, huh?" You chuckle lightly.

"I'm sick of it. They keep thinking we're friends. We're not. They're all rivals. It's bullshit."

You recall Isagi trying to hug Rin on the field earlier, only to fail miserably; you can only imagine his and the others' futile attempts.

"Well, whatever the case, stay true to yourself, yeah?" You punch his arm lightly. "You are Itoshi Rin."

Though he doesn't smile, something in his eyes lights up.

"I am Itoshi Rin." He says quietly. "I don't need him. I'm not Itoshi Sae's little brother."

It almost seems like he's saying it to himself instead of you, but his statement makes you sigh in relief.

It's precisely what you (and perhaps Sae) wanted him to realize all this time.

"Yeah. You were never meant to live in his shadow. You're here to make a name for yourself. Rin, do you even know how many people in the world tuned in to this match?"

He shakes his head.

"It's all over the news. It's being streamed everywhere." You smile to yourself, recalling how excited you were to finally see him again.

"But listen, Rin. You held your own throughout the game. You scored a goal. You blasted through the U-20 defense. You managed that one-on-one with Sae. There are people out there that have their eyes on you."

You take his hands into yours, squeezing them gently.

"Whatever you feel about this match today, tomorrow, a week, or months from now, you need to keep them watching. Score the next goal, keep on playing. Don't stop until the world knows your name."

[2isted-chocol8-art]

It's been some pretty long weeks

-> More Outer Wilds Art!

[whoredyceps]

"OH LOVER BOY!" || 28 Days of Love: A Valentine's Challenge + Series

day thirteen: "you're so full of shit."

ᰔ pairing: joel miller x reader

ᰔ summary: when you confess something you've always wanted to joel, he decides to indulge.

ᰔ author's note: huge, massive shoutout to @joelsknees for everything that this is because they created this whole concept. largely inspired by this gif set they made. pls check out their work!!!

ᰔ content warning: 18+ /// MDNI!!!!! sub!joel, dom!reader, pillow humping, no outbreak

"What's something you've never told anyone?" You looked to Joel, who sat beside you on the couch.

The two of you had a night to yourselves, which you had filled with takeout and a spaghetti western he had chosen. It wasn't your style, but it was his turn to pick the movie and you didn't fight it. He rarely asked for much; who were you to deny him?

"What? Where did that come from?" Joel raised an eyebrow as he looked back. While you had often hit him with odd questions, there was usually some sort of preface or explanation that followed.

"I'll tell you one of mine," you assured him.

Joel seemed to hesitate before he shook his head. You weren't sure if it was a dismissal of the question or whatever he was thinking. With a huff, you laid back against the leather couch.

"Fine, I'll start. I've always wanted to take charge." You shifted closer, your legs stretched across his lap. Joel's hand rested on your knee as the pads of his fingers dug into your flesh.

"You're so full of shit. The hell do you mean? You're bossy enough as it is," Joel huffed. He chuckled as you rolled your eyes, a light smack to his chest.

"That's not what I meant," you lamented. "Like– I want to call the shots." You watched Joel's expression as it shifted. It had never been something you mentioned in the time you had been together.

Then again— this was a sort of confession, wasn't it? You told Joel something, wasn't it his turn to tell you what he had shoved away?

"You wanna call the shots?" Joel asked. "I'm guessin' you mean in bed, with the way you won't look at me."

You rolled your eyes, but still nodded. He had easily clocked you; he had a knack for seeing right through you.

"Why are you bringin' this up now? This somethin' more than what you're telling me?" Joel grilled you. He hadn't seen you like this. You seemed shy, almost embarrassed by what was on the tip of your tongue.

"I mean— Look, just hear me out," you started. "I got to thinking while I was out with the girls last night." Joel's eye roll wasn't surprising. He knew when you had gone out to dinner with your friends, you were prone to new ideas.

"If it's something stupid, you can forget it. Last time you asked for something, I was cleaning wax off the bed for a week," Joel huffed. That had not been one of your best escapades.

"Will you just listen? Please," you asked. "You know what, I shouldn't even ask. It's a stupid idea anyways." You took your legs off his and stood from your spot. As you leaned down to gather the takeout boxes, Joel's hand grabbed yours.

"Tell me what it is." Joel softened his expression. It wasn't often that he saw you so flustered, so stumped by whatever you thought of.

"I want you to fuck your pillow," you admitted. "I want to watch you, and I want to be the one calling the shots." There was no point in beating around the bush.

There was a full minute of silence as you two stared at each other. You waited for Joel to laugh right in your face, or even grow disgusted at the idea. When he did neither, you braved yourself.

"That's what you want?" Joel didn't sound like he hated the idea. A bit hesitant, but you could work it that.

"Just once," you nodded. "Joel, you trust me, right? After everything we've been through, I wouldn't ask this of you if I hadn't thought it through."

Joel was quiet for another beat before he nodded. He weighed it in his mind. Truth be told, it sounded nice. He wanted to give the control to someone else, someone he trusted to guide him and steer him towards the pleasure he sought out.

"And you don't want to be apart of it?" Joel asked.

"Oh, I'll be involved," you assured him. "I'll just be on the sidelines. Trust me, we'll both benefit from this." You leaned down to kiss him.

To your surprise, Joel agreed without much resistance. He helped you clean up before the two of you headed to the bedroom.

"No clothes," you told him as he began to climb on the bed. Joel hesitated for a moment before he nodded. His shirt and sweatpants were discarded, tossed into a heap on the floor.

You watched as Joel sunk onto the bed, his soft stomach pressed against the pillow in front of him. His eyes closed as the soft silk of the pillowcase shifted against his cock. It was softer than he expected.

"That's it," you praised. "Let yourself get lost in the feeling." You stood over the bed, a perfect spot for you to watch as Joel fucked himself with the pillow.

"You sure about this?" Joel asked. It had been the first time he had done something like this— at least in front of someone else.

"More than sure. C'mon, baby," you cooed. "Fuck yourself for me."

Joel tried to let his mind clear, focused only on what you wanted. He shifted his hips once, then twice. What was supposed to feel wrong only fed his temptations, the shutters of pleasure that made his cock ache more.

"Good boy. I know you like it, the way you try to stop yourself." You watched intently as Joel closed his eyes. His back muscles tensed as his hips rocked forward again.

After a few thrusts, Joel finally found his rhythm. One hand moved to push the pillow against his cock while the other gripped the bedsheets beneath him. The silk felt like heaven against his throbbing cock, the friction only spurred him on with each shift.

"Fuck," Joel muttered under his breath. The pillow was damp with what leaked from his cock and the sweat on his skin. That, mixed with the feeling of your sharp gaze on his back lit his skin on fire.

"Let go of the pillow," you told him. "Show me how desperate you really are."

Joel finally released the steel grip he had on the pillow and buried his other hand in the sheets. His hips rocked forward, a desperate attempt to chase the pleasure that was building in the pit of his stomach. He bit back a moan as he thrusted into the silk again.

"I'm, fuck— I'm close," Joel huffed. His eyes were still closed, screwed shut as he desperately humped the pillow.

"So quick? Poor boy, so desperate." You smirked as you watched him. This felt good— too good. You had found pleasure in his touch before, but this was different.

Joel wasn't greedy, like others had been in the past. He gave and gave until he was left with nothing. It was a part of him that you admired, what he was willing to do for others. There was a sliver of him that wanted to hand it to someone else. His hands had grown tired from handling the reins for so long.

"Please," Joel muttered. "Please." His thrusts had become sloppy, his rhythm thrown off by his desperate need for release.

You kneeled beside the bed, a hand reached out to run through his chocolate curls. Joel leaned his head back into your touch. His knuckles were white from how hard he gripped the sheets.

"How badly do you want it, baby? Use your words, Joel."

What had been a well spoken man only an hour ago was now a babbling mess as he tried to string together his thoughts. Joel moaned as you tugged at the curls near the crown of his head.

"I want to come," Joel finally panted. "I need it, please." He pressed his hips further into the pillow, which had grown slick and swallowed his cock in the wet warmth it had created.

"Come for me. Show me how pretty you look when you make a mess."

The pathetic, strangled gasp that slipped from Joel's lips as he finally succumbed to his pleasure was everything you had wanted. It set your skin on fire, how he continued to fuck the pillow until his cock was soft. As he rolled over, you noticed his cum smeared on the pillowcase and his stomach.

"That's my boy," you praised him. You leaned over and brushed the curls from his forehead. He leaned into your touch, his eyes still closed as he tried to catch his breath.

Joel hadn't felt a release like that in...

Hell, he wasn't sure he had ever felt something like that. Was this what he had been missing out on?

You slipped away, only to return with a warm washcloth to clean Joel up with. As you swiped it over his soft stomach, his cock weakly twitched. You bit back your smile and continued to clean him up.

"You did so well," you murmured. "I could have watched you for hours." You tossed the washcloth in the hamper, followed by the pillowcase. Once all was done, you laid beside Joel. He tugged you closer, his eyes finally open as he came to his senses.

"You enjoyed that?" Joel asked. He glanced down at you, his arm wrapped around you as you settled against his chest.

"In ways I couldn't even begin to explain." You propped yourself up on your elbow and ran a hand over his chest. Joel watched you with a lazy look in his eyes, his hand slipped down to your waist. He looked, for a lack of better terms, completely and thoroughly fucked.

Just how you liked him.

[mikimakiboo]

I had a concept idea a while ago for a video game that takes place in the multiverse, so you would meet different aus and, of course, different sanses through the game

Just like in Undertale there would be a pacifist a neutral and a genocide route, except to finish the genocide it's hard af

I honestly didn't think much about it, I only got the encounter with the bad sanses (Killer, Dust and Horror, Cross isn't part of the group here) in the genocide run lol but anyway, you meet them through the game individually and then meet them again all together in the end, you don't meet Nightmare until the very end, after the group encounter

To make a genocide route you obviously have to kill the bad sanses, as they are part of the game, but here's where it becomes tricky:

• you have to kill at least one individually to unlock the group fight at the end, if you spare the three they won't fight you at the end, turning your genocide route to a neutral route and you have to start again to make a new genocide

• if you kill one, the other two will avenge him in the final fight, same if you kill two, the last one will avenge them, so expect the fight to be incredibly hard

• however, if you kill anyone but Killer first, he'll reset your game himself, so you have to kill Killer first, but he's the last one you meet, so you would have to spare the first two and either come back later to kill them or wait for the group fight

• you can kill the three individually, just make sure to kill Killer first or he'll reset your game

• you cannot spare them in the group fight, if you killed one, you'll have to kill the other two, even in neutral, they won't let you spare them and won't end the fight so it's the only way out

• Nightmare will only show up after the group fight once you killed the three, and it'll be his turn to avenge them and fight you, however, Nightmare being immortal and not letting you spare him, you will be trapped in an endless fight that'll force you to reset your game

At that point you might think the genocide is impossible as you won't be able to go past Nightmare's fight, but there is a way to kill him ! It's just hard to figure

• you have to complete at least three pacifist routes and meet Dream each time to complete his quests, on the fourth pacifist route he'll recognize you as someone with a good heart and will give you one of his arrows

• you can now reset, the arrow will stay in your inventory, however it takes three arrows to defeat Nightmare, but Dream won't give you another one if he sees you already have one in your inventory, so you have to put it in a box, complete a new pacifist to get the second arrow, put it in the box with the first one, and complete yet another pacifist to have the third arrow, then you can take the first two back

• you can now start a new genocide while making sure to kill Killer first out of the three and NOT use the arrows

• Nightmare will show up at the end for the final fight, and that is when you'll use Dream's arrows to kill him and complete the genocide

Congratulations ! You completed a genocide route !

I have absolutely zero ideas for the rest of the game so if anyone wanna make their own quests and include their own characters then go on, but please do tag me because I would wanna see :D

EDIT:

You will only be able to fight Dream after you've killed Nightmare, however, he is pissed that you killed his twin using his own arrows that he gave you because he trusted you, due to that he won't spare you and his fight will be very hard, you have no choice but to kill him

[constelationprize]

ROBIN/ELODIE ??????

if this about to be like my eva josten/adèle moreau scenario i will cry then ask u to please marry me.

i need this more than i need air. u don’t understand. i love u. ur the freaking best. tell me more.

Yeah that one came to me in a vision.

The thing is that like most of my other niche rarepairings I just cannot resist the allure of Narrative Parallels™. Mostly I just realized how similar Elodie and Robin's stories are (in concept) and that they could actually be around the same age (considering Elodie would be around 15-16yo in 2007 and Robin joins the Foxes in 2009 after Kevin graduates, and assuming Robin didn't get held back due to the Horrors, that would put them at around a 1-2 year age difference).

So the basic concept for the AU is that Elodie survives and is rescued by Stuart during TSC and then brought over to the USA to live with Jean and the Trojans. This goes about as well as you would expect, which is to say not at all – she's heavily traumatized, barely speaks English for the first couple years, and is resistant to any kind of help that would result in her having to leave Jean's side. She also at first does not want anything to do with the other Trojans at all because she sees most of them as adults she can't trust and also resents them for monopolizing Jean's time, and none of these college sports players is anywhere near qualified for unpacking All of That.

Elodie and Jean effectively make each other's recovery worse for a long while because they immediately try and fall back to their childhood dynamic, which can no longer work for multiple reasons. But through Betsy Dobson all things are possible and eventually they get to a point where they aren't actively standing in each other's way anymore, though things are still Not Good.

It gets tough again when Jean graduates and they move out of LA, which just uproots what little stability Elodie had again, and he has developed a need to constantly check on her that cannot be good for his now even busier pro player schedule. Also, Elodie is almost 18, and at a point where she should be graduating high school and thinking about her future, which she very much is not doing because until a couple years ago she didn't even HAVE a future so she doesn't really know what to do with it.

They start floating the possibility of getting her into a community college or something in the state Jean's in, but eventually the possibility of having some strings pulled to get her into PSU is brought up, and Elodie latches onto it immediately, mostly because she both feels stifled by Jean's helicopter parenting AND kind of wants to punish him for not actually spending time with her by moving away. Jean doesn't want to let her, but he also doesn't really have a choice, and PSU might be far but at least he knows Elodie will have people there to reach out to if she needs it.

Joke's on Elodie though because going to college to annoy your brother does mean she just conned herself into taking classes and figuring out what to do with her life now and she has to do it while dodging 20 phone calls per hour. Anyway now that she's on PSU she has to learn how to do human person things like making friends. She ends up joining a roller derby team as a combo meeting people-getting exercise-venting anger deal.

Robin, on the other hand, is going through a similar situation where Andrew just graduated, and Neil is in his last year, so she's about to lose her anchors at PSU. Once Neil graduates, she won't have anyone to night practice with anymore, so she also joins the roller derby team to fill in her nights, in a way of trial-running how to maintain some sense of routine and normalcy and maybe make some friends as well.

And that is how the world's saddest most traumatized girls meet. They have no idea who the other really is at first because Elodie doesn't follow exy out of spite and they also don't tell each other their full names because they are very googlable and the team is for both of them a way to finding who they are outside of what happened to them, so they don't want to invite the past in there.

Neil figures it out pretty fast though, since he's been keeping an eye on Elodie, but he tells no one because he thinks it's going to be funny when Andrew and Jean (who absolutely hate each other) discover they're dating (He's right). The basic idea I have is that everyone kind of finds out at the same time when Andrew and Jean play against each other in a nearby city and both Elodie and Robin come to watch and it's a very spiderman pointing meme moment all around.

Getting to truly know each other then is a blessing and a curse because the similarities between their stories are as important as the differences. Elodie would have given everything to have parents that would want her back home and want to protect her and Robin would kill to have her family understand and relate to her trauma the way Jean does. Elodie genuinely cannot understand Robin's guilt over escaping by dooming another girl because she would have actively killed without remorse to break out. Robin doesn't get why Elodie is bitter over having to be rescued when she used to dream about someone finding and saving her. It's a very "grass is always greener on the other side" situation, and they clash a lot, but eventually they work it out.

I'm also thinking of having Robin being conflicted over whether she wants or even is capable of going pro (since as per the EC she technically wasn't good enough to be recruited if not for Andrew's constant endorsement). I'm not sure what Elodie would be majoring in, but that's fine because neither is Elodie. So that's something else they're both dealing with.

That's mostly what I have so far, I'm hoping some day this fic will grow a plot that can hold my attention so I can actually write it.

[wyllathepeach]

Ok, so my anxiety really did not allow me to get this out earlier lol. Anyway:

TS songs as Ducktales Characters, part III: Webby Vanderquack

(I would like to apologize beforehand for the poor redaction you're about to read, neither google translation nor my brain was having it)

If I had to explain Webby's character, I would sum it up with the concept of belonging. Having grown up isolated from the world, only with her granny, Webby needs connection with someone. She needs to belong or connect so much that she becomes obsessed with every detail of the life of the only person she knows, Uncle Scrooge, in the hopes she finds her place in the McDuck family. But, even when she starts to become family, she envies the triplets' relationship for she cannot be part of such intimate bond. She then clings to Lena, the only relationship she formed on her own.

Webby also gives the impression that her desire for an intimate relationship is the reason she supports Dewey despite not agreeing with keeping the investigation about Della hidden: it is something that unites them both in an exclusive way. It would also help her even more to be part of the family: if she gets to be just like Scrooge, then she MUST belong to his family. All for at the end being cruelly reminded that she'll never be family by blood, and, even if she was, family relationships are not unbreakable (speaking exclusively from her point of view at the end of Last Crash). This is why she needs to bring the family together at the end of season 1: she has done so much to form a relationship with the family, but if the family isn't together then she doesn't belong anywhere.

On a separate point, it is this sense of belonging that she has with the family that leads her to give so much importance to her friends and gives them her complete trust. It is friendship that allows her to have a family and therefore makes no difference between family ties and friendships. Hence her blind attachment to Lena.

Season 2, although Webby doesn't have an active role, is consistent with the former idea in Golden Armory: again she needs to prove herself as an equal to the new family member to feel validated. However, after Last Crash she is never again pushed away or questioned as family and her belonging is reinforced again and again, as seen in Found Lamp, where Uncle Scrooge trusts her with an essential part of the adventure, the same goes for Rumble for Ragnarok.

I don't remember much (and I don't have anywhere to rewatch the series at the moment) about her role in season 3 outside the plot twist that I so dislike (and that in my opinion ruins the message of found family and makes her entire development seem pointless), but I do remember that her fear of abandonment is consistent for Fight for Castle McDuck.

Anyway, all this to say that the Taylor Swift song that would be Webby's anthem, in my opinion, would be The Outside.

I've seen other people relate her to Seven or You're on your own, Kid, and although Seven agrees with the idea of longing childhood innocence once it's lost by the maturity that comes with experience (as seen in Harp of Mervana), the lyrics of The Outside expand the idea of loneliness and feeling like you don't belong anywhere, as well as learning to observe people to look for ways to connect. The song was written about going to school and meeting all these new people and realizing that you won't connect with them and will end up isolated, no matter how much you can offer to a friendship. Just as Webby would never be blood related to the Duck/McDuck family, even though she began to relate to them at the same time they reconnected and her fear of the family pushing her aside eventually.

"The Outside"

So how can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in. And I can still see you, this ain't the best view: on the outside, lookin' in. I've been a lot of lonely places; I've never been on the outside.

Thank you for reading. Next one should be Huey, but who knows what will come out of that (ゝω・)ﾉ

[shootingstarpilot]

☔️☔️

For the WIP ask game 😊

ask game

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

god bless you, anon <3

so. the first one i have in mind is a time-travel au- an as of yet undetermined amount of time after order 66 goes through, the clones wake up back on kamino- just in time to see obi-wan turning away from the overlooking window.

obviously, mass chaos ensues. cody manages to wrangle most of ghost together, and they immediately go hunting for their jedi. all the way there, they're trying to figure what to say- he won't know them, he has no reason to trust him, and they'd shot him down- they can't not go looking for him, but what are they supposed to say-?

except then it all becomes a moot point, because they round the corner and hear the distinctive hiss-snap of a lightsaber, and obi-wan's voice, cold as ice-

"you are going to tell me everything you know about the chips, prime minister, and you are going to tell me now."

yeah. he got sent back too.

cody and co burst in, obi-wan whips around to face them, and for a moment he looks absolutely shattered before he wipes his expression clean and says, "co- commander. i can explain-"

and cody's voice cracks when he says, "obi-wan-"

and that's when obi-wan realizes.

anyway. of course there are hugs. and maybe smooches.

but i have a secret motivation for this. yes, i am fucking around with my own ocs' timelines here. but i don't care, because i have an Image in my head and it will not go away:

when everything goes down, helix takes half a second to reorient himself and immediately establishes his priorities. he can hear cody shouting, makes a note of it, but there's something higher on his list-

well. two somethings.

he goes for stitch first.

he finds him in the barracks. they're mostly empty, by now, but helix knows stitch and knows his instinct to retreat into small spaces and knows the way his head fills up with so much noise sometimes that it makes it impossible for him to do anything else, and if anything would be Noisy it would be this-

he screams stitch's name when he hits the cadet barracks- screams again, no response, but something is pushing him onwards, down the endless rows of bunks, and then he sees a tiny lump huddled under a blanket-

and he knows.

the relief nearly throttles him. he hears a tiny little sniffle and sits down on the edge of the bed, puts a hand on what he guesses to be a shoulder, and the lump stops breathing-

the blanket shifts. a head pops up.

my point. my point is. give me helix hugging actual tiny toddler stitch or give me death.

so. they find each other. they're missing their third.

needle's not in the barracks. he's not in the mess. he's not in any of the winding, endless hallways. he's not, when they meet up, with cody and company.

then stitch goes very still.

"what's the date?"

helix tells him. stitch goes white.

"we have to run," he says. "we have to run now."

stitch is right.

helix hits the hallway leading to the decomm rooms just in time to see the doors slide open and a bloody-nosed needle comes staggering out with a blaster held loosely in one hand. helix sees behind him, through the door, on the floor- the unmoving bodies of two longnecks.

needle's cloudy gaze focuses on them.

"it was gonna be me," he croaks. "couldn't let them wipe me."

stitch shrieks needle's name from where he's propped on helix's hip, and helix lunges forward just in time to catch him when his knees buckle.

there's a whole lot of information slotting into place all at once, and helix carefully sets aside the horror of it and holds onto needle (if he's even still? yet? their needle-) and tries to figure out-

then he feels the huff of a ragged laugh against his shoulder, and knows.

"actual baby," needle murmurs. the hug is returned at last- the two of them, clinging to each other, with stitch sandwiched between them- "can't tell me you're not a baby anymore. tiny baby."

stitch hiccups. "needle?"

"my baby," needle says, and helix can hear the smile in his voice.

stitch bursts into tears.

they do, eventually, go find the others. there are more hugs, unneeded apologies, even more hugs-

and, soon enough, plans.

palpatine won't know what hit him.

i don't think i'm organized enough to actually write this- to stick with the canon timeline, i mean- but the playground is fun as FUCK.

(anakin gets arrested as soon as he returns from tatooine, too. fuck him.)

[look-i-love-u]

AU Fic Game

Finally home after a stupidly long day of work. Let's see what my tired brain is able to come up with...

Thank you for tagging me, my darlings: @creepkinginc , @shinygalaxyperson, @energievie, @juliakayyy

rules:

use this au generator to assign you an au, this fan fiction trope generator to give you a trope/situation/sometimes another au, feel free to keep clicking until you get something that inspires you.

then try to come up with the title, plot, vibe, and details of a fic including whatever the generators gave you. you don’t actually have to write it, just put the concept into the world! this is basically just a thought experiment.

AU Generator: Criminal Minds Setting AU

Fanfic Trope: Write a story about one character being a human and the other being a ghost haunting them.

Title: The Milkovich Effect (based on "the Reid effect" in Criminal Minds)

FBI agent Mickey Milkovich worked his ass off to be in this position he never ever thought he'd find himself in. An agent with the BAU hunting those, he thought he would end up as himself. But instead of becoming a serial killer unde rhis father's thumb he'd carrying a badge now and rocking some tight black slacks and black shirts. Always. Exclusively. If you catch him on a good day, he might even throw on a well tailored suit jacket and sunglasses.

the real star is the thigh holster though. Because even though Mickey works mainly with his mind, in understanding people who commit cruel crimes, he also really enjoys just working through his frustrations sometimes... he gets in trouble for it. But he's also fantastic at his job, so his boss lets some things slide.

They have a running gag about "the Milkovich effect". It's basically the reverse Reid effect. Where children and dogs react weirdly to Reid, they flock to Mickey. As if they know he understands them, they just trust him. Soon Mickey will find out the effect also affects some other vulnerable entities....

in comes a call from Chicago. A serial killer is hunting pretty boys in Boystown. He soon gets the name "The Gentleman Killer". He always leaves his victims in hotel rooms and not alley ways. He doesn't leave marks on their bodies and covers their eyes with silk scarves and leaves a tip on their body.

There have been four victims when the BAU gets called in. When Mickey arrives in the city he always dreads visiting he gets partnered up to visit the newest crime scene with victim no.5. His name is Ian "Curtis" Gallagher. A dancer and bar tender down in boystown. Mickey barely can catch a glimpse at him when one of the technicians cry out that the victim still has a pulse.

Ian gets rushed to hospital. He's a fighter. He's in a coma but Mickey doesn't know. He expects that the guy, who's name he doesn't know since he had no ID with him, won't make it.

He knows he definitely didn't make it when he wakes up to a weird ginger looking... thing in his hotel room. He screams. It's embarrassing. but hey... there's a fucking ghost in his bedroom!

Ian follows Mickey around everywhere. Looks at evidence, asks questions, visits family members to question them. Uses his floatiness to look through people's stuff without a warrant.

Basically he is super annoying and super helpful and Mickey and his silvery shadowy somehow grow closer. Share their stories with each other. Ian thinks he's probably dead too.

Maybe makes Mickey feel guilty so he visits Ian's family and gives them some last messages...

They solve the case in the mean time of course. A doctor named Lloyd, going by Ned, gets arrested for being "The Gentleman".

As a goodbye present Mickey goes to visit the Gallaghers. He realizes he knew Ian as a kid. He also realizes he somehow, kinda, has the hots for a ghost? Who very surely watched him sleep and get off? Maybe some weird ghost shivery touching happened?! Hm... anyway... Mickey finds the Gallaghers sad and stressed out. He gets shouted at. Punched by Lip. Followed by driven to the hospital by Debbie who shows him that Ian really isn't dead and he's the one victim who didn't die at the hands of Lloyd Lishman.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck

Ian has a meltdown and touches his body which causes him to jerk and sputter and... wake up??!

aaaaaand he looks at Mickey and... Mickey touches his hand and he's real aaaaand that's the end.

I'm tagging: @michellemisfit, @ian-galagher, @surviving-maybe, @vintagelacerosette, @suzy-queued, @ardent-fox

[fivie]

There's a thought about umw that I've had for a long long time and since I didnt exactly have anywhere else to out it I thought I'd share it here.

It's about Montparnasse, or rather, the apparent lack of him and where oh where is he.

Now, obviously, there are many les mis characters who aren't in the story, it makes perfect sense, eg. javert who is implied once or twice but isn't actually mentioned.

But anyway, while thinking about umw my thoughts often turn to R's life before the story. I mean, it has been many centuries and while I can imagine it Nit Being Much, there had to be Events to fill the time, right? Some people he met, some historical events he's witnessed, etc etc.

I've always imagined imagined Grantaire to have met Floréal some time in the 1600s or 1700s and them being very loose sort of friends. Acquaintances is a better word maybe.

But the one concept that cannot for the love of everything leave my mind is Montparnasse sort of being there, throughout the ages. At first I thought, a fallen angel maybe? But that doesn't seem to fit him at all, and the idea that I arrived at was that Montparnasse was a Reaper. I'm going to be serious, I haven't been keeping up with spn for several seasons now and my memory of the lore is very fragmented so I'm not sure how it holds up canon-wise, but it seemed neat to me. He accompanied R during the worst of times, when he witnessed the most deaths, wars, revolutions, massacres, the sort of atrocities that made Grantaire so cynical and distrustful and That Way in general. Maybe they became sort of friends. Maybe Montparnasse was the Reaper intended to bring the kids from Smoleńsk across. Who knows. Maybe the whole theory is bullshit and he's either some rando doing Crime around Lyon or he doesn't exist in the universe at all, but it's still fun to think about.

Anyway that's all I hope it's at least a bit entertaining 🙌🙌 + tysm for all the hard work on the fic it's taken up at least 85% of my brain at all times for thr last 2.5 (maybe more?) years<33

Ooh that's a cool idea! It would have been fun to have a Reaper character in UMW, especially since humans can't see them (unless they're dying or, y'know, dead) so it would be someone only Grantaire could interact with. Or maybe Jehan can perceive Reapers too, which would add a tasty Romantic quality to his abilities – he sees dead people and also the embodiments of death itself 💕 also I imagine a Reaper, a keeper of the Natural Order, would have a thing or two to say about resurrected-ghost-Feuilly 😂

I actually do have my own UMW version of Montparnasse, since he was originally meant to feature but got cut due to the story already spiralling madly out of my control without me adding even more characters and plot threads. I think I wrote about him in a post once but it was like a bajillion years ago so for funs let me tell you about him here:

He IS some rando doing crime around Lyon!! (Or possibly Paris, I never 100% decided.) He's sort of like a dark mirror of Jehan; he's human and also a psychic, but much less naturally powerful, and has started dabbling in witchcraft and other unsavoury things to enhance his abilities. He's wildly jealous of Jehan's powers and also considers Jehan to be an idiotic waste of those powers because he won't use them for his own gain. He comes from a much bleaker background than Jehan and had to fend for himself from a young age, and so has become very adept at using his abilities to manipulate people and is now a very successful and wealthy con artist. He's not 'evil', which is a pretty strong term in a world with demons etc, but circumstances have molded him into a person who does not trust others and is very out for himself, and his psychic abilities make him somewhat arrogant and he considers ordinary people to be inferior and fair game for him to mess with.

As you can see my personal take on Montparnasse is a bit darker than the pure neutrality of a Reaper-type character 😂 In this AU I envisioned him as kind of the same type of character as Spike from Buffy, in that he starts out as a legitimate threat and thorn in the protagonists' sides but reluctantly develops into an ally as time goes on.

However I know that fandom interpretations of Montparnasse vary wildly and all are valid, and since he's almost definitely never going to actually show up in UMW, please have fun imagining whatever version of him you enjoy most!! I just also have a lot of thoughts with nowhere to go and will take any opportunity to share 😂

[facet-project]

october devlog!! (two days late, thank you tumblr for glitching out on me on halloween :/)

AAA. OKAY. finished a big thing today since i was like "this update is going to be late Anyway i might as well fix this one issue before i upload"

but before that. did you know i've been working on this project for One Calendar Year??? i feel like it hasn't been very serious until this latest build but maybe that's recency bias talking. anyway cool stuff below the cut

anyway! what i did this month... unfortunately there was a hardware snag in the music production thing, and i've gotten it fixed! which is technically music progress but not in a way that is exciting. so instead i actually went and finished the basic player character movement!

this thing was a MEAN BITCH to code in for like. a lot of reasons. which i won't get into right now unless someone's super curious. but trust me when i say this took so long to actually Get The Way I Wanted

(sorry she's walking on a blank grey background... i don't want to show the testing field Just Yet)

just a little up/down/left/right walk animation for now!! there are still some tweaks i need to do to the animation manager and the controls - of course, i will be doing this Forever And Ever. especially when i start making other things to put on the map. and as i was testing this i realized there were a couple spare pixels out of place (shoutout to the magically growing shirt collar on the walking upwards animation)

(and i'm still trying to figure out if i'm going to make a bespoke running animation or if it's just going to be making the player faster and having things like the ponytail flow farther behind... it doesn't really matter for now that can be a Later Decision)

but also, i made a promise to myself that i wouldn't post about any game characters until they're In the game. and the player character for nightshade mode, which is what i'm building first, is a character... so i might round up some of her concept art and make a post about her sometime this month.

i'm going to stop promising what i'm going to work on Next Month because it always seems like i have to change directions midway through?? maybe that's stage fright since i'm Posting about it. but i do want to finish off some of these player animations and get some other ones in there, like the ones where you're using tools and sitting and such. but also i need to fix a save bug too... we'll see what i actually get to doing this month.

but as far as Next Longterm Goals... it took me about eight months to get from Zero Code to the end of the prototype build... and then after that i've been spending these months kind of organizing what i need to do next

so Next is... doing the same thing i did last year, but with more knowledge and purpose this time.

i'm hoping to get another one-week build of the game done by june, but with all of the game's systems in place and without placeholder text or visual assets. i'm going to measure how feasible that is at the end of the year before making another pact with my brother to hold me accountable for doing that, see if i need to adjust the goalposts, but i think i can do that. (and then after that, it's making all of the content for spring, summer, fall, winter... but for now we're sticking with spring)

[saltnsugarbear]

heyy. Love your blog and you write Carmy so in character for me. But I’ve always imagined him to be so nervous and like really vanilla, because the last thing he ever wants to do is hurt your or make you uncomfortable. Thoughts on a very kinky ready and his reaction to them asking him to be rougher??

Like the sex is great but he’s just so gentle with you and you just NEED more. So you’re sitting on the couch one day scrolling on your phone while he sketches for a new menu or something, and you turn to him and start asking about sex or if he might be into anything. And he gets SO FLUSTERED. Maybe it’s his first time trying to be rough with anyone and he just doesn’t know what to do and it’s a little awkward but he’s just so cute and wants to make you happy. But when he sees your reactions he gets into it…

there are just so many different waye to go with this. Would love to hear your thoughts!! 💕

hihihi!!!!

one of my biggest fears is mischaracterization it is soooo important to me so im sooooo glad he feels in character to most people!

okay so my baby olive has talked about this and I knnnooooowwwww,,,,,, oh my bestie did Teach Me Tonight and I've forgotten her tag I feel so bad cause it's sooooo good im so sorry bestie I love you and your series (IM BACK IVE REMEMBERED MY BELOVED zorrasucia i love you so bad) (I actually asked for one of the parts under anon and I'm still so,,,,, insane over it)

anyways my friends have talked about it a lot and I love it! but I'm willing to yap

so i think it 100% determined on where he is in life! I think if it was Copenhagan or Noma carm is soooooo nervous about it! he's like are you sure 🥺 just the whole time until he's fucking you with a hand on the back of your head and hands pulled behind you

live update, new topic

um i think if you move with him and he's okay with this dynamic he uses the fuck out of you while bitching about David you almost think he wants to fuck him

or even if it's New York carm and you're freshly together he's still like are you sure? even if he's way more game. he's been getting so frustrated his first few weeks under David at Empire because he doesn't understand why he's being such a dick and so it just seems like the healthy way for you to support him! by letting him fuck your throat silly!!

so for The Beef Carmy I'm thinking of Carmy who knows fuck all sexuality wise and has not explored shit and has like just forgotten sex is a concept. (probably preset TMT Carm ideals) I'm thinking he's more willing to learn and try something new for you since he feels so distant with the restaurant.

i think for Carmy it's all about the trust you put into him that he won't really hurt you, that does it for him. like he gets a heart boner at the way you trust him so bad it gives him a real boner.

he gets so red in the face when you say something and his ears are bright pink. like he just gets a little blush when you talk to freely about sex and penis it's so like,,,,, he loves it! it just shocks and flusters him every time

but he does a bunch of research while red in the face and definitely comes prepared. he also has that autism thing where he has to be perfect at it immediately so he does just so much reading and looking at videos (much to his dismay, his face is so flushed) but he also gives me such ready to please vibes so he agrees almost instantly

i do think he likes to be a little mean and likes to man handle him and I've talked to olive about this before it's such a big thought for me. he loves manhandling you

[patiann345]

Ok but... why are they so uggglyyyy????

Just gonna dump some of my ROTB thoughts here before the movie releases. Long post, very ramble-y,, >3<

I haven't kept up with all the news about it I'm sure, but I have been looking out for the designs and. Oh my...

Look, I have no doubt ROTB will be a good movie. A great one? I'll have to see, but I don't think it can ever get as bad as Bayverse. I've heard (word-of-mouth, no source sorry) that Cullen is really happy working on it, and that he thinks it's gonna be the best of the movies so far, which like,, it's Peter Cullen, man's been here since G1 I trust his judgment slkhasdkg

And real quick, before I get into the meat of what I wanna talk about, I do wanna make something clear; I fucking love Beast Wars. I binged it when I was first getting into Transformers, and yeah there's a reason it's in such high regard.

And I'm more than aware the animation is dated. And I'm more than aware there are a lot of people who would never think to watch BW or any show like it cause "Ew it's so old, it looks grosssss"

That's always been a really stupid argument to me. If you can rewatch Toy Story for the 5th time at your family reunion, you can watch some slightly dated-looking cartoons. I firmly believe that the WRITING and STORY ultimately makes a show. It can look pretty "yuck" or weird, but if it's well-written and engaging, I think it's worth more than it's visuals y'know? A movie or show can look beautiful and stunning, but that won't change it having bad writing and plot.

Anyways it's 2023 and uh, yeah why do Optimus and Megatron look like thatttttt???????? Girl there is no excuse

Megatron particularly like, that face could work on another bot but... Not MEGATRON, not when his Bumblebee concept stuff looked like THIS:

LOOK AT THIS MAN. WROW. Could use some color, the body's a little cluttered, but his face looks good! Great even! He fits the style that Bumblebee (2018) had set up and built. ROTB though? Christ-

That's not even getting into Optimus who's got that Bayverse crap going on with his face, which is,, so disappointing. He looks just fine with the mask on, but it comes off and it looks bleh. There's no reason for them to look like this! Seriously, cause everyone else (at least the autobots, haven't seen the maximals) look great!!

I particularly love Arcee's design, think she looks great, and I actually kind of prefer her design here over her Bumblebee (2018) look

Oh and hey speaking of that, Wheeljack what the fuuuuucckkk????

Sorry I've only got the toy image on hand but... That's not Wheeljack, I dunno who that is, but it ain't Wheeljack. Let it be known I'm not seething with rage like other people may be over this design, I don't mind deviation from the norm, just look at Armada or TFA. You can deviate from a character's usual look or schtick and make it work!

But when you look at his Bumblebee (2018) design,,,, We were robbed. We were robbed blindddd

I bring up all these examples because the designs are so. Hit or miss. And I don't understand why or how they ended up this way. Bumblebee (2018) had amazing character designs, that's evident enough by Bee's design in ROTB, he's still using that same helm and face and his body is still very much inspired by his look in the last film.

I brought up the dated animation in shows and films earlier because I don't want anyone to think I'm going to think less of this movie for its designs. If the writing and story and characters are good, then that's a good movie in my book. BUT there is,, no reason for half the characters to look like THAT, not when the other half look so GOOD. It is not 1996, it's 2023. Which like, Beast Wars had problems with age in its animation and rendering, NOT in character design. The CGI in ROTB looks amazing from what we've seen in trailers! But,,, the desssiiiggnnnnssssssssss. Optimus' Mouttthhhhh.

I'm gonna see this movie, that's a promise. When it hits theaters? Maybe, I'll have to see, y'never know what'll happen. But at SOME POINT, I'mma see this movie. And I really really hope it's good, I hope it's great! Hell, I hope it'll be the best movie in the catalog! But... I also hope it doesn't set a standard in terms of design.

Well. No, let me put it this way; I hope it doesn't set a standard for how certain characters will look in future installments. I love Arcee's look, I love Bee's, I hope they continue with that! cause. But man, Megatron is so ugglyyy, Optimus' mouth is gross, and Wheeljack just isn't Wheeljack. I'd hate to see them devolve into more Bayverse mess again, please Hasbro-

Lemme end this before I start repeating myself

[positivelybeastly]

🖤 for any of the o5? I’d say all but that’s a lot so dealers choice I guess

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

Already answered Bobby here, so I figured I'd go with the next most interesting and go with Scottie. You know, it's funny, you'd think Hank would have more of a thing for the guy with red glasses and emotional issues, given who his not-quite-canon boyfriend is, but Scott honestly doesn't move the dial for him. I think he recognises that he's a very good looking man, intellectually, but he's not Hank's type, to put it mildly. Too slim, not enough Simon. :P

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

Even back in the old days, I think Hank was emotionally sensitive enough that he wouldn't write Scott off as 'boring' the way you'd often see Bobby do (mostly in ANXM) - I think he's always been very aware that Scott holds back as just a matter of course, and what kind of effect that can have on his mental health. That being said, as Scott's grown, and he and Hank have grown apart, I think Hank has begun to like him less and less. He knows Scot'll do what he considers to be the right thing, and that he won't stop fighting to the last man - but as far as most versions of Hank are concerned, that's what worries him. He doesn't like that for Scott, and he misses having a friend where he instead just finds a commander.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

Even before Hank began to loathe Scott, this was never on the table, I don't think. You'd have to go back all the way to, like, the 60s to find a place where this makes any sense to me, even if I have read the occasional fic that finds a place for it in New X-Men, where it was extremely raunchy and extremely well written at the same time. Anyway, not in my conception of Hank.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

Ahahahahaha ohhhh. These two haven't interacted on panel since 2018, and I don't think they've even mentioned each other by name since then. X-Force Beast ironically does swing back around to almost sort of respecting Scott, but with the proviso that he doesn't think Scott went nearly far enough with his Utopia era methods, and I still don't think he likes him, just because I don't think he likes anyone.

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

I feel like Hank would have been the one most receptive to Scott's leadership in the O5, if only because he's the one most likely to take it all a lot more seriously and see the wisdom in his battle tactics and methodology, while Bobby and Warren, being younger and more inclined to jokes, see him as a killjoy. Jean, of course, being the final addition to the team, is a lot closer to Hank's side of this equation, though that's obviously fuelled by other things.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

These two allegedly buried the hatchet during Hickman's Avengers run, but honestly, this was a friendship that pretty much died 15 years ago (has it been that long?) and neither of them seem particularly interested in fixing it. One of my major concerns about what's going to happen for a post-Krakoan Hank is that they're just going to plop resurrected Beast on an X-Men team and pretend everything's fine again, which - I don't want. X-Force Beast salted the Earth for all of his relationships, and, from my outsider perspective, almost everyone on the X-Men failed to be there for Hank when he needed them, so I don't want them near him. It doesn't make emotional sense for anyone involved for them to go right back to how it was.

[ghostlytravelerprince]

11/28/23

Dear Diary,

I've always been told that I have the strangest dreams. I think it's a primal human experience to share dreams with each other, just like how we talk about our days in our waking lives. But, mine were always particularly strange to people -- more like a prophetic vision than a dream. Though, if the concept of 'dreamcore' tells me anything, it's that there's many people out there who also experience the strangest dreams.

Last night, I dreamt about a black mamba in my house. I picked my dogs up off the floor, I scrambled onto the kitchen countertop as it hissed at me, sinking black fangs into every member of my family and then eventually me. We lay together on the couch, dying, and I looked over at my mother. I love her so much. Anyway, in that moment, I recognized the strangeness of the whole scenario. I was feeling defeated, and didn't even want to call 911 because what could they do for me? -- there's no black mamba anti-venom in the Midwest! And, then I knew that there shouldn't even be a black mamba in the Midwest.

I asked my mom, "Is this a dream?", and she responded, "Yes, it is,". I felt so grateful that she was being truthful with me. If I were a dream mother, and I had fleeting time with my son only when he sleeps, I might lie so that I could spend a few more hours with him. After all, it won't kill him? But, I think she recognized my distress at being in a dream dying to venom, and she did the motherly thing I know my waking mother would do -- she told me the truth.

And, I wiggled my fingers and toes violently in the dream; I know I must have looked ridiculous to my dream mom. But, I could soon feel my vision swim to blackness, and my cold fingers begin to shift on bedsheets. I woke myself up.

It's 8 hours later, and I'm studying in a cafe; I'm thinking about what my path forward is after all this studying -- after working in the ER. I wondered if actual medical professionals have ever watched Grey's Anatomy, so I Googled the question. A Reddit thread mentioned how the show never depicts the anesthesiologist: the last person you talk to before you go to sleep. And, I thought back to my own surgery, and how my anesthesiologist and I talked about red lining. Even on drugs, I thought to myself "What an odd conversation to be having with the man responsible for my life... I hope I don't piss him off with a bad political take...". Suddenly, sitting in this cafe, it's like I could see the marionette strings -- all the trust put into the sleep doctor.

So, I read thread after thread about why people chose anesthesiology. Each beat kept hitting the right strings in my heart; how they found so much pleasure in being 'the pain doctor' -- the one who provides comfort and sleep and all the nice, soft things to people in pain. How behind this front of a dreamless sleep and a dreamy awakening was a highly complex, well-oiled machine able to maintain a constant situational awareness. How there was a level of expertise and technique that made you an open encyclopedia for anyone who needed your very specific set of knowledge. And, how there was an almost intimate closeness with death.

To rest gentle hands on a living, breathing human being and plunge them into the deep, dark waters of sleep until they hover just above the trench. It scares me, that level of trust. How exaulted it would be to be given that trust -- I would be able to help patients with the highest dignity of waking back up to life. It would be the greatest way to serve a human being. I remember the moment I regained my will to live after a decade of depression; I remember what it felt like to wake back up from the lazy brink of death. It's colorful and beautiful and addictive, and I would be more than willing to share that feeling with others!

There were other things, too; lighter things. It was funny to me how a branch of medicine associated with sleep and painlessness had a similarly slothful reputation of lounging around. At first, I didn't resonate with this because I know myself to love intense, constant work, but perhaps other people percieve me that way -- how it may look like I'm effortlessly balancing things from the outside, but that's because I mask the constant calculations I'm performing to have it run that smoothly.

And, is has me thinking more deeply about my psychology background, and how we know so little about the true nature of dreams. What would it be like to study dreams scientifically? To try and put the elusive nature of sleep to mathematical equations? Could I even impress NASA if I studied how to put astronauts to sleep for long voyages?

All this to say, this means nothing at all. I dipped down into myself in the beginning, hovered above the trench in the middle, and brought it back to surface for this light, airy finish...

[ppulverse]

this is a bit random but i remembered you saying in your tags that your will to live dropped after ptd did and like... the real lasting legacy for ptd for me personally is that now i have trust issues every time a kpop group i like is about to release a song. like the preview for back for more sounds good and that makes me a bit optimistic but part of me is also cautious bc a preview is just a small snippet, what if the whole track turns out to be a song that i dislike and that i feel doesn't fit txt at all? maybe a few years ago i would've been purely excited but now there's always that part of me that's like "please don't be another ptd" so i feel cautious before every release

anyway this is just a vent and this is my own personal problem, like i said i think the preview sounds good and it's cool that other people are excited! this is just more of a "what if" nagging thought for me and sometimes i wonder if other fans feel the same or if i'm just being pessimistic

ok i talked too much so i'm adding a read more break here

JDKAJDJA i feel u 😔 personally i don't have a problem if i don't like a song one of my fav groups releases, so i won't be TOO disappointed if i don't like it. plus as someone from brazil i am REALLY excited to see them releasing a feature with a brazilian artist tbh 😭 my problem with ptd was the series of unfortunate events that lead us to that moment yk? like they were supposed to promote mots7 (which to me was a wonderful album) and go on tour, but then covid happened so the tour was cancelled, then they released dynamite... which was a BOP ngl i loved it i was just as obsessed as anyone else. but bighit saw how well the song performed internationally, especially in the usa, and seemed to become obsessed with trying to make bts appeal to the american media. so we got butter (and i was FUMING at the time bc txt had a cb with 0x1 shortly after a fcking bts comeback and i felt like they wouldn't stand a chance against bts on mysic shows and stuff 😭) and later on we got ptd which to me is honestly the weakest and most generic song bts has ever released. bts went from a group that co-wrote and co-produced most of their songs to a group that was being forced to only sing other people's generic stuff. (and i won't even mention BE bc that felt like a fever dream tbh it was literally released just as damage control and also at a specific time of the year so bts could win album of the year in 2021 without actually releasing an album in 2021.) and now that bts is on a hiatus i fear that they try to put them txt through a btsification process or smth idk???? but at least for now it doesn't seem to be the case. i don't mind them appealing to the american public and releasing songs that are meant to be a radio hit over there or whatever, as long as they don't lose their essence in the long run... and considering this album concept seems to be following that txt formula we know and love (since it's a continuation of the previous one, apparently), i think everything's still ok for now.

plus around the time do it like that was released they mentioned it on a welive that korean fans were getting kinda frustrated at how much promotion they were doing in the usa and not in korea and they were like don't worry we still have smth BIG coming up for us in korea, and i'm p sure they were talking about the album!! so i think we will survive. i hope. particularly i'm super excited to find out what the album is gonna sound like!! it's the first full album since freeze so hopefully we'll get many great tracks to jam to

[drawscripturestories]

My feelings on LGBTQ+

Sometimes I feel like I just need to vent my beliefs into the void, just so that people know what I'm feeling.

Today I want people to know what I'm feeling about LGBTQ+ stuff. My church's official stance is that there oughta be no sexual relations before marriage, and marriage is between a man and a woman. My church also maintains that there are two genders, regardless of what biology may say; it's a thing that was determined before we were born and will continue to be so long after we're dead.

And yes, I trust my church. Faith is a difficult thing to hold onto when everyone you see on the internet is telling you it's wrong, but I've just about managed to maintain it.

Of course, maybe before going further I ought to say what this does NOT mean:

This does not mean I hate everyone who identifies as Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, or whatever other words you may prefer to use. These people deserve the basic human rights to live in a society that loves and tolerates them in the same way that all human beings ought to love each other. The second-greatest commandment in the bible is "love your neighbor", after all; second only to loving God, who also loves everyone, by the way.

This does not mean that I believe that Men should not be sensitive, caring, concerned with their appearance, or any other thing that is traditionally associated with the female gender, or vice versa. There is a big difference between the roles God intended for men and women and the human traditions that have built up around those roles since the beginning of time.

BUT this does not, in turn, mean that I want to let you all do LGBTQ+ stuff. I won't hate you for it, but... I know that sexual relationships outside marriage between a man and a woman can only lead to misery; in this life or the next; and I want to tell you all so bad, but... I'm afraid I'll only be met with terms like "TERF" and "Transphobe". Look at JK Rowling, for example. Can anyone here actually tell me what exactly she has said that has made her the sworn enemy of the LGBTQ+ community?

“If sex isn’t real, there’s no same-sex attraction. If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth. The idea that women like me, who’ve been empathetic to trans people for decades, feeling kinship because they’re vulnerable in the same way as women—i.e., to male violence—‘hate’ trans people because they think sex is real and has lived consequences—is a nonsense.”

She continued, “I respect every trans person’s right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I’d march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it’s hateful to say so.”

That last paragraph scares me because she practically outright said that she would support trans rights and the people of the internet still hate her.

JK Rowling never said she hated Trans people. She wasn't funding any hate groups, she just expressed her belief, like I'm doing, and the LGBTQ+ community wants to destroy her for it.

That's why I'm terrified to put this post out there.

But one of the virtues I chose to write on Gad's sword was "Truth", because that is more important than popularity. If I can't be honest with you all, then it's as good as standing by and letting a blind man walk off a cliff.

From my perspective, anyway. Form yours, I might be the conspiracy theorist connecting unrelated threads in his basement, or the old guy shouting "the end is nigh" at the street corner.

By all means, call someone out for outright abusing LGBTQ+ people, or for slinging hateful slurs or doing anything un-christlike. Just also be aware that some of us are just seeing you guys walking toward a cliff, real or imagined, and we want to warn you before you fall off and hit rock bottom.