#anyways this was a good chapter tho for some reason i keep feeling somethings missing....

[rokso-o]

AND guess what’s also back? me. specifically, me SIMPING. HIM !!!!!!! the vibe is simply IMMACULATE. the colour scheme???? the blood on the walls???? his stance????? his facial expressions??????? his untied bow tie ???????? his unbuttoned shirt ????? SLUTTY WAIST?????? HIS POSE?????? THE WAY HE WAS SITTING?????????????????

and we also had our shining shimmering crown prince from today’s update

also.... I GOT VICROSS CRUMBS...... babe it’s not even a properly drawn one but do i appreciate it? YEA..... did i get a little heart skip??? MAYBE SO! (HE CAME HOMEEEEEEE)

[caliburn-the-sword]

more cress thoughts and reactions (if i wasn't lazy i would start numbering these)

WHAT is with this lunar guard and WHY would he randomly choose to help these guys. since he's a Named Character (but i already forgot) i'm demanding a pov chapter immediately. probably won't get one until we trust him tho rip

NO WAY SCARLET CAN'T DIE OMG - oh thank goodness she's been taken hostage. that's better because it means she has a chance

what is it with cinder and her tendency to pick up strays?? first thorne now the blondie

cinder got that medical rizz (got blondie to take his shirt to staunch blood)

wait how does blondie know that cinder is the lost princess?? did i miss something??? maybe it was something cress mentioned

"Thorne thought maybe it was best for her to practice (cutting bonds) on herself anyway" DAMN BRO COLD

i wonder if the programming making the sat invisible still applies now that it's crashed. if not we're about to have a big problem on our hands

"somehow she’d never worked the sensation of prickly facial hair into her fantasies. She would amend that after this." MISS GIRL WHAT???? that said i find the diction of 'amend that' there's just something so detached about it lmao

OMG THORNE LOST HIS VISION YES THIS IS MAKING ME NUTS

no i agree cress WHY would you give a newly blind man a knife

her hair is getting cut off <3 "It felt as though twenty pounds had been cut from her head" probably because it HAS girly. haircuts are literally magical. feel sad?? get a haircut

"It's not your fault" damn thorne i really appreciate how conscious he is of cinder's and now cress' self blaming problem even though he doesn't act like he's all compassionate. softie

grossed out by thorne kissing a 16 year old even if it was just her hand (someone play sixteen by ayesha erotica)

omg i thought the kids were talking about PRIZE MONEY for a BOUNTY and that we were about to see someone properly threatening appear, not just gummy worms fkshfsdkh. LOVE erland for indulging the children. he seems like a fun uncle type figure to have. i wonder how much those kids make him grieve for his daughter. OMG CINDER MENTION IT I NEED ERLAND'S REACTION

omg cress' descriptions of earth make me feel like i've been taking it for granted <3 i love her to death and i wish her all the happiness in the world

i LOVE thorne's no nonsense attitude, especially when it conflicts with cress' fantasies. yeah!! shake her!! wilderness survival king

tf??? i've never heard of a green sunset????? i'm assuming that this is a rural thing or i'm just gonna pin it down to random radioactive scifi reasons

thorne you know what OTHER than constellations would rule out australia?? THE SAND WOULD BE FUCKING RED. i would know because i did a 6 week cross country road trip across the desert from east to west and back again. i get that he's blind but surely cress would have noticed and thought to mention it (catch me looking for the southern cross constellation whenever i go to the northern hemisphere since it's the only one i can consistently recognise)

whenever cinder gets glamoured she always snaps out of it immediately. even kai, the few times it's happened to him. it's honestly VERY disturbing to read it from scarlet's perspective where she's completely unable to (also now i'm finding kai sus. does he have the implant against his knowledge?? he got out of it with pain but wolf literally got SHOT and stayed glamoured)

LANDED IN AFRICA OMG THEY'RE GONNA REUNITE WITH CINDER. I BET ERLAND HAS ALREADY HEARD NEWS ABOUT THE DROPPED SAT

cress' backstory is intriguing, ESPECIALLY because idk how she's alive. does experimenting really make her THAT worth keeping before her hacking skills came to light?? why does sybil want to keep shells alive in the first place?? she seems very down with eugenics

holding onto neurodivergent coded cress and defending her with my life. of course some traits overlap with her trauma and being isolated for so long

only just remembered this but i guess now my theory of cress not being fully lunar doesn't hold up now that i know her parents. but with what she's saying about her backstory, makes sense why she doesn't identify with lunars that much

maybe it was thorne that i decided was bi??? just by seeing this line about blackmailing a hot pilot if he were in her position??? now that i think about it he had a similar line about kai or something. anyway with thorne saying he would have blackmailed someone i reckon he's just putting on a facade so no one sees him as a softie. but it's still funny to just make characters queer. it's a coping mechanism

OMG NOW THAT THE SATELLITE HAS CRASHED THE LUNARS ARE EXPOSED. I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. but the spyware should ALSO be down unless specific feeds went directly to the palace

this read has been such a treat for me!! i mentioned this on a reblog of one of my first cress post, but for those of you who haven't seen it when i was like. 5. my library had this picture book of the biblically accurate grimms brothers rapunzel. BEAUTIFUL illustrations. i was a silly goofy little kid obsessed with morbidity and i LOVED the gory illustrations of the prince's eyes getting stabbed out by thorns and him wandering around the forest all bloody and blind. i tried to find it online but couldn't!! the closest thing to it was rapunzel by sarah gibb which isn't gloriously violent anyway. i want to see if i can hunt it down irl and let you guys know which one it is but i used to frequent three different local libraries + the school library of my primary school was basically my own playground so i can't remember where i used to read it ;-; but yeah all this is to say i'm obsessed with cress as a retelling of rapunzel by far as someone who has a long history and grew up with it <3

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees

[ddeongies]

Maybe she should’ve moved slower in the moment because of that, but one taste of Ryujin had made her heady with desire.

- new challenge: try not to say green flag yeji every chapter u put out --> AND I FAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME.

If she’d known she was just looking for a hookup (or two maybe, at least two would be nice) she might’ve made a move earlier.

- they're not even hooking up yet and she's already bargaining in her head lmao queen of bargaining !

Sure, it’s not really what Yeji wants, but she’s too aware of her own feelings at this point to pretend like she’s not willing to be with Ryujin in whatever capacity she wants.

- wow i want to smack both of their heads (lovingly ofc 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰)

2HWANG BFFS!!! so cute so cute ugh and god yeji all rounder in all universes like damn leave us some

yezyizhere: oh ok so you saw it once, didn’t think about it, and came back to watch it again?

yezyizhere: compliment accepted ;)

- one thing about yeji, even though she's kinda devastated that ryujin only wants casual, she will never pass up the chance to show off her yerizzma

iamfinethankyouandryu: you’re fucking hot

iamfinethankyouandryu: happy?

- SCREAAAAAAMIIIING !!!!!!! ryujin you're just like me 🫂🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Ryujin? Hoodie? Bed?

- i'm sure yeji is not the only who let out a sound around here 🙋‍♀️

ugh as u said, this chapter, short and sweet. i'm a big fan of the texting format bc of the short, flirty banters and the thrill of waiting for the replies. 🙂‍↕️ yeji this whole chapter: is this real...? such a mood. u definitely captured the awkward flirty texting stage after a life-altering event and before getting together and the phase of suddenly becoming active on social media just so ur crush could notice u. i miss those times...HAHAHA anyway, thanks for this one and choreo au update as well. i hope work and irl stuff gets manageable soon! have a great weekend ahead!

ps. omg the tropes i asked before and no worries if it took long! i love how we almost have the same favorites!! established relationships for one shots u are so right 🙂‍↕️ another one to add would be friends with benefits (a plus if it's not too angsty for no reason) and generally i'm a sucker for fluff!!

- 🌼

i have a meme i keep meaning to make about nmau yeji being a green flag but i'm lazy.... i'll do it one day tho i just need to edit an image LMAO (but yes she's the best i love her so much....)

girl knows what she wants (ryujin. she wants ryujin LOL)

they're idiots 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

yeah it's impossible to write yeji without her being good at everything (except for cooking) like i can't ignore the source material!!! (also yes 2hwang besties couldn't resist, nmau yeji has her bros)

she can't resist the rizz... it's in her blood it's in her dna (even all the way back in the cafe when she thought yunjin and ryu were dating she fucking winked at ryu she's impossible LOL)

ryu gets it yeji is fucking hot 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

girl literally short circuited like i think ryujin almost killed her???

i honestly had such a blast writing this chapter!!! it was kind of nice going for something a bit different and light after the rollercoaster of chapters 8 and 9 lol. it also ended up being really important for the relationship i think. i love the awkward flirting stage it's so fun to write. i both miss it and don't LOL it's so fun and exhilarating but also god i love being married LMAO. and thank you!! i'm gonna be on vacation this week and it's much needed 😮‍💨

okay yessss i love a good fwb when it's not like overly angsty exactly. like you can't have that without some pining and miscommunication and stuff, but i like when that leans more on the fluff than on the characters being sad (but that's just how i am in general i'm not really an angst person (ignore choreo that's out of character)) fluff is god

[derangedthots]

Hi again! I’m sorry if you’re like annoyed with me at this point but I’ve just reread the second chapter of courting and realized that Aemond’s scent was never mentioned other than a brief breeze of Jasmine? (And blood obviously, he needs to control his anger soon, Jace won’t let that fly for long)

and also I was like wondering between them who’d be the jealous one once they get together? Cause we know that Aemond has issues and how he hates how everyone is like around Jace all the time but does that get better after they end up together or does Jace end up being the possessive jealous type? I kinda hope it is him? Aemond would love it.

I hope it’s not too spoilery but a part of me thinks his scent is at least? Keeping everyone on their toes about it until he does and it’s something so soft and soothing I think contrasting the bloody smell of his anger. I’m gonna have ti go back and read the first part to see what Alicent and Viserys smell to narrow it down now 😂

If you couldn’t tell how obsessed I am about this story yet, I’m so sorry. It’s only gonna get worse as I reread it to tide myself over until the 3rd Ch 😅 so close to reciting the whole thing by memory

Anyways I hope your days are going good!! 🥰

nooo i could never be annoyed i promise, it makes me really happy to see other people as passionate abt this story as i am. it's like the greatest sense of achievement and motivation for me don't worry♥️♥️

aemond's scent oof yes i've been skirting around that very intentionally but you're on the right track with the soft and soothing thing (if only he would be honest+stay calm enough to his natural pheromones come through, aemond pls🥲🙏🏼)

as for who's the jealous/possessive type btwn them, personally i think they both are but in different ways? like aemond is the more immediately reactive of the two but when stuff starts bothering jace ooo baby boy WILL make it known(we do have to remember who raised him😭) and let's just say both of them are enthusiastic with their reminders. future-wise, i feel like the worst of the jealousy evens out on aemond's side bc yay for maturity so when he does get jealous it's just for shallow reasons and never bc he actually thinks jace would ever betray him like it. similarly, jace trusts aemond too much to really doubt him like that once they've worked through all their stuff so when he gets jealous it's also for petty reasons and not anything srs (but the 'makeup' sex is kinda bomb LMAO)

i too pretty much had the whole thing memorized while i was writing it so twinsies😂 but ahhh if you notice any inconsistencies i tried to catch them all - i def missed some tho - and i've been slowly doing more thorough edits every day so apologies ahead of time if a few things seem off for now😅 (oh but all the major stuff is already there so no worries it's just tiny details/grammatical errors)

thank you and i hope your days are going good too!! take care of yourself♥️♥️♥️

[1d1195]

I'm glad your weekend wasn’t horrible! Though please take some time to recharge! While nothing too bad may have happened, it can still be a lot of being around people! Cleaning is oddly relaxing for me too lol. What are you most excited to cook on your list of recipes?

I used to LOVE project runway when i was younger! Tbh I think I just loved any show that involved creating something like baking,cooking, and even home renovation stuff lol But ngl reality tv shows about dating/love stuff  is something that I can’t get into lol But I can see how you are more drawn towards scripted stuff though and I get it!

Kids are crazy! Sometimes it is wild how they cannot simply be kind or even understanding of others. I didn’t personally suffer from bullying but that doesn’t mean literally interacting with kids my age was easy. Anyways I'm sure giving them reminders is helping even if they may not appreciate it at the moment! Though I get that it can be so annoying because you're kind and it comes naturally to you!

That’s so sweet! And you’re so right about nicknames! Though I am never bold enough to give someone a nickname or use one unless they tell me too lol and yeah I dislike the brand for more reasons other than that obviously but my inner child loves holding grudge lol 

I LOVE when people give context or just share details lol im the same way too! Once I get on a topic I feel strongly for and/or once I'm comfortable with someone I YAP AWAY! But lowkey I miss silly little filler chapters in general! They remind me a lot of my early wattpad days when I was 12 HAHA But yes I do agree filler episodes are so underappreciated now! Especially how most shows don’t even go beyond 10 episodes per season now which I find kind of sad! 

Both of my classes meet twice a week, but both are 3 hours long :( And they both are live zoom sessions so that means that there is no recording happening. Which I totally get but 3 hours is alot 😭But you're right it is so much info 😭 Yeah lowkey my therapist said it wasn’t a good idea to do two summer sessions back to back but I need to graduate on time lol Also how is teaching summer classes goin? Are you almost done?

ALSO I CAN’T BELIEVE IT”S BEEN A YEAR SINCE PROTECTION😭

Hope you can get some rest and have a very calm rest of the week! You don’t have to thank me! Seriously talking to you is never a bother and I enjoy it so much! THANK YOU for constantly giving such thoughtful responses to not only me but everyone you interact with💗Wishing you to have the BEST week bestie!! Love you lots!-💜

My dumb son invited his friend over to stay with us for a couple days so now I'm hiding in my room. I have to pretend to be social and shit and it's the worst. I've barely recovered from my fam. I just want to be quiet and alone by myself 😭😭 No but tbh it's fine. I'm just dramatic. Cleaning was REALLY good actually. I've been trying to do some much needed stuff (like washing walls and baseboards. Very adult stuff lol) Maybe I'll do some more organizing and shit while his friend is here so I can hide and whatnot.

I made this ravioli dish that was really good. It was sort of alfredo-y and had spinach and sundried tomatoes. Honestly? I'm most excited to make these roasted veggies lol. Potatoes, carrots, zucchini hehehe

I liked the first few seasons of project runway but the premise got away from me (and the writers I think). I wish I got more into cooking shows. I do have a serious soft spot for Cake Boss tho 😂

I have this one student who said to me "she never gives up on me" and it honestly kind of melted my heart. She's a TOUGH kid. Like I'm lowkey afraid of her 😭😭 I'm glad she likes me because she's kinda cuckoo 🤣🤣 She has these massive angry blowups, not necessarily her fault because of mental health and undiagnosed ADHD but she doesn't always make the best decisions either. For some reason she listens to me. So I keep trying to help her even though she makes me INSANE. But the point of that was she's a mean girl tbh she struggles to stay out of drama (sometimes not her fault, but many times it is) anyway. She's a lot, can't wait for her to graduate.

An inner child grudge is like no other. I love it tbh. I have a grudge. My mom told me at like age 6 we hate Bank of America and I refuse to set foot in there lol so I totally get disliking the brand.

I can't say I'm surprised, we do send each other lengthy messages 😭 it would be a TIME if we met in person hahahahahaha we wouldn't stop talking for ages. It's CRAZY how there are no filler episodes and the seasons are SO short. So so so crazy.

OMG T W E L V E HOURS of zoom a week. That's so so long. I hope they give breaks. Honestly, this is going to sound super weird, but I think it's pretty cool that you didn't listen to your therapist about this. It's fairly low-stake and it's a lot but you have really good intentions of getting your classes done on time so you can be DONE and graduate. One of the things I'm worried about starting therapy is that I'll want to do it perfectly and I'll want my therapist to think I'm the best lol (can you tell I need it?) so I feel like I would be obligated to do EVERYTHING she tells me to (I want a she because I hate men most of the time lol) and I would overwhelm myself with that if that makes sense. So it's refreshing to know you don't have to listen to her; at least in this instant. Hopefully that all makes sense

One more week of summer school. They're going well. I'm worried some kids aren't going to pass. We offer some classes online and I'm concerned they aren't going to finish/pass. Which is so irritating. Because like, why show up for a month if you're not going to pass? I know there's deeper issues and more to it, but still. We make it PRETTY easy to pass...

I KNOW A WHOLE YEAR. IT'S LIKE OUR ANNIVERSARY TOO 😭😭💕

Hope your week gets easier too LOVE YOU

xoxo

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #8: Achievement (Almost) Unlocked! And A Pre-New Year's Mess

Does it ever happen to you that you're so energetic, and hyper, and full of determination and all - and then you take a deep breath, sit down happily on your comfy couch, and you're ready to start writing a new and lovely blog post!.. ... but then you realize you have absolutely nothing to write about. Or - perhaps, to be more precise - you feel like there's nothing worth mentioning that would make an interesting, succulent, and informative post.

That happens to me once in a while - which is odd, considering how much of a babbler I tend to be when it comes down to self-expression in written form (it must be, Lothar affects me in a certain way and alters my usual behaviour, because normally in my life outside any artistic activities I am fairly quiet).

The aforementioned little hiccup on my way of the "ultra-completionist of the Pre-2024 To-Do List", unfortunately, hindered my progress, and the final number of the blog posts ended up a tad smaller. I don't think there are any complaints from the readers though 😎 I'll try to keep up next year. On a side note, one of the goals on the list has been removed and deliberately postponed until January. I have reasons, trust me 😁

But most importantly, Christmas season of "Time & Again" turned out to be pretty good! Just as planned, at this point of time, just a couple days short of 2024 (because I started writing this post yesterday), The Lineart is 98% done - it only needs a sparkle of perfection and and a short session of filling up the gaps and missing spots here and there on different pages. AND DONE. Moving on to The Colouring Stage right after all of that has been properly handled. (oops, unintentionally, I lied: I already started to partially colour some peculiar things... too excited; can't hold back, LOL!) I would say, this is truly a great achievement. Well... almost got an achievement anyway. Working on your grand project every day, little by little, and watching it growing, evolving, and getting fleshed out a little more day by day is hard to describe in a verbal form. I wonder about this sometimes... Perhaps, those who have never been in a similar situation will not understand this emotion very easily. But I'm telling you with 100% honesty, as usual - this emotion is priceless and really makes you feel that you're doing something important in life.

So, in short, everything goes steadily and as planned. Plans change sometimes - but that is totally fine. Currently, everything is indeed as planned - and I can't help but rejoice 🥳

As a treat for reading yet another one of my excessively talky talky longreads, I'll tease you with some rather unpredictable snippets now ;)

Just who are those guys???.. And what's the situation??? They sure look feral! You will definitely find answers to all of these questions after Chapter 5 is released sometime in 2024 ;)

... In the meantime, as I've been working on a peculiar troublesome background, I have discovered a handy option in Krita's Assistant Tool that I believe has a possibility to make my life easier in the future. I used Assistant Tool before, and quite profusely. But thanks to a certain video I came across, I happened to find out that there's more to that incredible tool. I'm excited to cover this topic in the next blog post, so stay tuned!

I also made a horrible mess on one of the pages that currently looks this way:

How do you like the funny lettering???!!! 😁 Those are not stickers, by the way (although that's certainly a good idea to turn those into stickers!.. That'd be a story for another day tho). Why those are needed - that I'll keep a secret for now. But I wanted to show you what they look like - especially when cluttered altogether, hehe. Also, obviously, this is not the final version of each one of those sound effects bubbles. There's more work to do eventually 😉

For now... let there be silence. In a bit over 24 hours, the calendar will show 2024 on this side of the globe. So I'll stop typing right now and I'll save more stories for later. ... I'm also wrapping it up for today with my ridiculous habit to scatter vaguely related song references across the text, so, yup - time for a small break 😅 (And I should also take a break from listening to Ultravox on repeat, otherwise my non-existent vinyls are gonna get non-existent holes in them... wait... how does that work exactly, again?..)

So, for a bye-bye, I'll say show this:

Bah-bye, my friends! And see you next year! 👋🥳😁

[yabai-korra]

The reasons why we're getting Manorian book

There has been a lot of speculation whether SJM is going to favor us with book/novella about Manon Blackbeak and Dorian Havilliard, recently I saw some fans doubting it, so here's a list of logical reasons why it's happening.

1. It's SJM

This woman writes two 500+ pages books per year, for her it would be a piece of cake.

2. There have already been books focused on side characters

a) Chaol and Yrene - Chaol was one of the most unpopular characters before Tower of Dawn (which made me love him hehe) and she still wrote a 600+ pages long book about him, just imagine what she'd do with the most popular character (Manon) and one of the most popular ones (Dorian).

b) Nesta and Cassian - this is ship is the closest to Manorian equivalent in ACOTAR series, aka starting from a physical relationship that develops into a sentimental one. Also 6th ACOTAR book will be focused on a new characters (most probably Elain)

3. Favoritism

SJM has talked multiple times about her love for these two. When asked about her favorite TOG character, she said Aelin, but Manon was a close second place and she said that she absolutely loves writing her.

In another interview, when asked who she would go on a book tour with and a few similar questions, she answered Dorian.

Now, I haven't seen all of her interviews ever and I'm not sure how much she loves Nessian and Cahorene (seems to love Nessian a hella lot tho), but it's definite that Manorian are some of her favorite characters and it's just logical that she would write about them.

4. Unfinished story/Unresolved feelings

Ships at the end of TOG:

Rowaelin - married

Elorcan - engaged

Lysaedion - engaged

Chaorene - married with a baby on the way

Nestaq - engaged

Manorian - hug and "we'll see"

All the ships basically got engaged in the last chapter (it's not like I didn't like it hehe) and their stories, romantic-wise, were pretty much finished and they have no unresolved tension between them. Manorian on the other hand, have enough of it for all the ships lol.

KOA spoilers ahead!

Keep in mind, Manorian relationship was mostly a sexual one, and they don't quite yet have a way of communicating their feelings properly. So there is a lot of unaddressed between them, even though they obviously care a lot about each other.

The unresolved things between Manon and Dorian:

"“And if I asked you to stay?” / “I’d need a very convincing reason, I suppose.” / “Because I don’t want you to go.” - they just fucked and Dorian left for Morath later, which impacted Manon a lot but they haven't discussed it

"I even care about you." - Manon got up and left

"There is only one witch who will be my queen." - Manon doesn't know about this

Manon saved Dorian from Valg demon even when Aelin couldn't. It was the worst thing to happen to Dorian and he still bears scars from it, yet he didn't have an appropriate situation to thank Manon for it

Dorian knows that Erawan lusted after Manon, which got him pissed of course, and he didn't have a chance nor time to ask Manon about it. It might be nothing, but if I were Dorain and my girlfriend who doesn't show feelings was locked up with a crazy guy who has a thing for her, and have seen the way he treats women, I'd be concerned. Erawan was a Valg king, a tough opponent even for Manon. If he had done something to her, and he had plenty of means and opportunities and wish to do so, Manon would never openly tell anyone (maybe Asterin) about it, because it would imply opening up and being weak, which is Manon's worst fear. Again, SJM, as the Queen of Foreshadowing, wouldn't just randomly throw in the main villain having a thing for an important character, everything in her books always has a meaning and purpose.

"Would you miss me if I didn't [come back]?" - Manon didn't reply

This is how SJM described Manorian marriage: "She would be his wife, his queen. She was already his equal, his match, mirror in so many ways. And with their union, the world would know it." - and you're telling me it's not deserving of its own book? Not just that, Manon asked Dorian for marriage and they, again, just had sex, with Dorian loving the idea but deep down knowing that Manon would feel caged in a marriage. And that attitude won't just change out of the blue. It takes time and development which is something SJM writes amazingly.

With the Thirteen gone, beside Abraxos Dorian is the only creature Manon cares about.

Dorian's mortality (although as you'll see in point #6 I'm sure he's not human)

The dreaded "You could just marry each other." / "We'll see." (Thanks Yrene :)

5. Foreshadowing

Listen here, SJM IS THE QUEEN OF FORESHADOWING. She thought of a detail (Dorian's dad's name) in the first book that would matter in the last book. Of course, there are many many many more examples of that, but if we got "We'll see." then we'll fucking see it happen.

6. Unresolved things about Manon and Dorian as individual characters.

Manon and Dorian and both pretty broken at the end of KOA.

Manon lost the Thirteen, the only people she cared about. That is a huge trauma that needs to be addressed, especially with someone so reluctant to show feelings and heal like Manon.

Dorian can't be human?? He has fae abilities due to his relation to Gavin and Elena even though he's not even called a demi-fae. He possesses powers no one else does, phantom hands for example, which he didn't steal like shape-shifting. And Maeve pointed out that due to his father being possessed by Valg when Dorian was sired, it's possible he got some of the Valg abilities. (Also she said that he's stronger than Aelin) The main villain, especially written by Queen of Foreshadowing, wouldn't just let drop it there and that's it. Also not to mention Dorian's own struggle with depression and self-worth.

They have both just become rulers of their kingdoms, completely new to it. Dorian has spent a big part of KOA imagining what kind of a king he wants to be (one that will have a witch queen hehe) and it was a major point of his character. And addition to that affecting them as characters, the future of Adarlan and Witch Kingdom could make a good plotline.

7. Other TOG characters

Although pretty much all the readers would die to see Chaorene baby, Lorcan in Perranth, Aelin and Rowan ruling Terrasen, Lysandra and Adeion officially adopting Evangeline, Nesryn and Sartaq becoming Khagan and Empress of Antica, all of these don't make enough of a plot on its own. They are great side-plots.

We know all of these characters love each other and are happy together, there isn't that much to be added to their personal stories other than kids. (same way Feyre and Rhys got a baby in Nessian book) Manorian however, they haven't even kissed without it leading to sex, they hugged at the end of KOA and it was the pique of their relationship. Their relationship is merely at the beginning, whereas others have pretty much reached their ultimatum (ofc SJM can decide to add some drama with betrayal, kidnapping, pregnancy etc. but for now everyone is good and settled beside Manorian)

Not to mention the way other relationships would affect them. Chaol, Dorian's brother, and Yrene, Manon's wannabe bestie and Manorian shipper, would bring their baby to meet his/her uncle Dorian and aunt Manon, and imagine Manon with a baby lol.

SJM loves Aelin and other characters way too much not to give us an insight on them as married couples, but since her books are huge and it's her, it needs a plot with drama, addressing traumas, repressed feelings, worldbuilding, and sex, and Manorian's got all of that.

8. Abraxos

We need more Abraxos, that's just a fact.

Wow that was a long one. Anyways, in conclusion, we're getting that Manorian book. Pretty sure it's gonna a book rather than a novella (TOD was also planned as a novella but then guess what) because there is just SO MUCH possible content.

[lokislytherin]

hello again it’s me, the One who misses Jaeyeol LOL

thanks for answering my rant ask and i don’t mind if you rant back at me 😂 it feels good, like i’m not just talking to myself in my head but to a friend who feels the same way as i do.

like YES PTJ i love some of the new characters introduced like johan and samuel but with all these new characters added into the story, it’s like the old cast got thrown away (minus zack and vasco etc because they’re always in the mix for some reason, AND NOT JAY ahem i shall rein myself back for some semblance of sanity lol) and i’m like.. why so many characters man? UGH.

ALSO ALSO ALSO what’s with all these middle aged looking characters suddenly entering the scene with a [name] and [age] AND THEY DON’T EVEN LOOK THEIR AGE LIKE

new middle age looking man: blah blah

[name] [16] LIKE BITCH WHAT DO U MEAN THAT GUY’S 16??? HE LOOKS MORE LIKE A 40 TO ME LOL i feel like ptj just gave up making the characters look their age because these ppl definitely do not look 16, 17, etc. or did he even try in the first place? anyway

like this story just became all about gangs at the point where i stopped lol like what happened to his convenience store job (i guess he quit once he entered workers? maybe i missed that part), what happened to the mom visiting every so often (like wouldn’t she worry about her son when he disappeared god knows where?), what happened to attending school during the back end portion? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS/ADULTS? this is like tokyo revengers all over again 😂 idk.. i just wish that it didn’t have to be all about gangs? like i’m fine with the hostel and god dogs portion but after that it’s like i couldn’t give a shit anymore 🥲 and daniel doesn’t even seem like himself anymore 😭 i miss when all he had to care about was making friends, memories and letting his mom live a good life…

i wish ptj just kept it simple with a few gangs, having to keep the secret about having 2 bodies, why crystal has 2 bodies as well, normal school activities/relationships (i keep fantasising about a chapter with them playing some king’s card game where the person who draws the king card can do anything/order anyone to do anything they wanted for a turn like that Baka to Test episode, man that was hilarious LOL like if joy got picked as the king and she would probably have done something to daniel and jay had to step in HAHAHA oop my shipper is showing) and it would have still been a great series. now it feels all muddled 😩

yeah.. oh yes please let me join your prayers circle!!! PTJ U MUST BRING JAY BACK AND GIVE HIM THE ARC AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HE DESERVES!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER REST UNTIL U DO!!!! 😤😤😤

good timezones anon who misses jay! i'm glad you find these convos fun hehe i only have one single friend who Gets lookism to talk to so this is really nice for me too

new characters: i think one of the reasons why characters like johan and samuel are so popular are bc they have a backstory that's actually fleshed out really well? like even jake and big deal they had like a redemption/backstory arc (personally i like jake more than samuel tho. i want to punch samuel but his tits would probably break my fists) and i think that's why they're liked more than new characters like, for example, ryuhei. personally i think ryuhei is decent looking but idgaf about him yk.

the age thing: YOU'RE SO RIGHT like no way samuel is 19?? no way that bitch is only one year older than me AT MOST. or maybe he's got the daddy energy coz he's tall, is The fanservice character at this point, and has muscles n big booba. still wanna punch him tho. the ogs being 16/17 international age i can believe, and the anime also made them look younger in a way? especially duke i miss that funky lil guy. i hope his music career is going well

all about gangs: i see what you mean but this is also Animanga Logic right. adults are kinda irrelevant if you're the overpowered protagonist but at the same time i get u honestly i feel like jay's own father has more plot relevance than him at this point 💀 jay vs h group arc WHERE. jay and crystal interaction WHERE. their parallel could be so interesting but i'm not getting into that today i'll like. explore it in a fic or something

plot: i think to us it feels like ptj kinda lost sight of the meaning of 'lookism' in relation to the plot, but i'm sure ptj knows where he's going with the plot, and i trust him to give us more good chapters. for now us jay hong stans are gonna have to make content to feed each other

welcome to the jay return arc prayer circle

ptj if you won't give jay the backstory and character development arc he deserves i'll do it myself 😤 i'll catch up to canon and write that jay vs h group arc myself 😤

hope this helped!

[jeo9n]

Majesty Pt 4 || JJK

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre : Slow burn, Angst,Fluff, King JK, future smut

Warnings : None for this chapter.

Wordcount : 2.3k

previous | next

A few day have passed and I basically did the same stuff everyday. I tried helping Maria out whenever I could, I explored the castle a bit more and I even found out there was a library. I would sometimes go there and read a book, but I mostly found myself out in the garden, enjoying nature.

I haven’t had any interactions with the King since I heard them that night. He was quite busy, and rarely was at the castle. The only times you’ve seen him was at dinner, or when he came home late at night looking rather exhausted. But you two barely talked. I didn’t know how to act around him, everytime I saw him, I was remembered about how I stood outside of his door like a creep listening to him having sex.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You were out in the garden getting some fresh air, when you got interrupted by someone. "Goodmorning, miss." The chamberlain, that I first saw at the competition, greeted you with a big smile on his face. "Your mom is here to visit you."

"My mom is here? Where is she?" You asked him, as you got up from the bench that you were sitting on. "Yes, she is waiting for you at royal office." He told you.

You quickly made your way inside once you thanked, and said goodbye to the chamberlain.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Your mom immediately greeted you with a tight hug once you arrived at the royal office. It felt like you haven’t seen each other in years - even tho it only was a few days.

"Dear, you look beautiful." She told you, as she looked at you, admiring the light blue dress you were wearing. "Come on, let’s sit down and talk. I wanna know everything."

We sat down on the sofa and she sipped on her tea that Maria brought us.

You didn’t know what you should tell her. There wasn’t much happening the last few days - nothing exciting anyway.

"How’s the King? Is he handsome?" She asked excitedly. "Well, he isn’t old and ugly as I thought." You laughed. "But, i don’t know. He doesn’t seem that nice."

"What do you mean? Does he treat you badly, Y/n?" She looked at you with concerned look on her face.

"He doesn’t treat me bad. But, he always answers me in cold tone, like he never really wants to talk to me. And the other day I saw him with another woman." You told her, leaving out the fact that you heard them having sex.

"Do you mean he has a mistress?" She asked you, and you nodded. "Well, a King having a mistress isn’t rare. I mean, they have to let go of their sexual frustration somehow." She looked at you. "Im sure every King had a mistress at some point.

"But then why did he not marry her? I don’t understand, why did he look for a girl to marry, when he already has a woman by his side?" You asked her. "Y/n, a mistress is only there, to fulfill the Kings sexual desires. A woman he marries is someone, that he wants as his wife. Not someone he only uses for sex. There’s a difference." She explained to you.

"Will she still be around after the King and I get married?" You asked her, trying to understand all of this.

"Of course not." She assured you.

"Im scared mom." You mumbled. Marrying someone is scary. Especially, if you don’t really know your future partner. You’re about to get married to the King, and you don’t even know him, you’ve only known him for like a week, you don’t even know what kind of person he truly is.

"What are you scared of, dear?" She asked you concerned.

"I’m scared of everything mom. I’m scared about the wedding, I’m scared of meeting his parents, I’m scared of sharing a bed with him, I’m scared about what comes after.... I’m scared of having sex with the King."

"There’s no need to be scared. I’m sure the King will treat you nicely, why wouldn’t he? He chose you to be his wife, he must surely like you." She tells. "And don’t worry about sex, my dear. Sex is something you should enjoy, not something to be scared of."

I guess she’s right. The King chose me for a reason, there’s no need for me to be scared. I tried to assure myself. But, I’m still not sure about having sex with him...

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You kept on talking with your mom for a while, before she eventually had to leave for work.

After your mom left, You found myself at the dress fitting. You were being squeezed in one wedding dress after another, after one of the maids brought out a dress, what the King claimed, would be the perfect dress for you. It was white - who would’ve thought. It was a off the shoulder dress, with balloon sleeves that were made out of mesh. It had a few diamonds decorating the décolleté area. The dress was huge, but it look absolutely beautiful. You couldn’t wait to try it on.

You tried the dress on, and immediately fell in love with it, It hugged your curves beautifully - You never felt so pretty in a dress before.

All the maids, including Maria gasped as soon as they saw me. The King was absolutely right about this dress, it was the perfect dress for you.

"Miss, you look absolutely beautiful." One of the maids said told you, everyone agreeing with her. "I’m sure the King will be happy, seeing how beautiful you look, in the dress he picked." Another maid said.

After we tried on a few jewelry pieces, to see, what would fit best with the dress.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

After the dress fitting, it was time for lunch.

"I heard, your mother came to visit you today." He tells, as he made himself comfortable in his chair. "Yes. I was really surprised, as I wasn’t expecting her to visit me today - but I was happy to see her again." He nodded.

"How did your dress fitting go?"

"It went pretty well! We picked a really good dress." You tell him with a smile on my face. "I’m glad." He smiled back.

"When is the wedding by the way?" You ask, not having talked about it with him before.

"The Wedding is gonna be next week," he says calmly. "Are you nervous?"

Of course I’m nervous. "Oh! That’s so soon. I thought, it’s gonna be next month or something." You tell him nervously.

You weren’t expecting the wedding to be next week.

"Well, it was supposed to be next month. But I rescheduled it to next week." He says, voice confident.

"Oh! Okay. But what about your girlfriend?"

He looked at you confused. "My girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend." He told you with a chuckle.

"What about the Girl that was in your bedroom the other day?" You asked.

"She’s not my girlfriend, Y/n. She’s just a mistress." He told you.

"Okay." Was all you said. Feeling a little weird, hearing him, admitting that he has a mistress.

"Are you jealous." He asked you, an amused look on his face.

"No! Why would I be jealous? You’re free to do whatever you want, your highness." You told him honestly.

He looked a little taken back by what you said. But that’s the truth. If he wants to have a mistress, then he can have one.

"You don’t mind?"

"I mean, we’re not married yet. I wouldn’t want you to have a mistress once we’re married though." You told him, "or are you planning on keeping her?"

He looked at you confused. "Why would I keep her, when I have you?" He asked you.

"I don’t know, your highness. It was just a question, forget about it." You told him once you looked at him. He looked confused, like he couldn’t really understand you.

He nodded and took a sip of his water. "Do you have any other plans for today?" He asked, ignoring what you had just told him.

You looked at him with furrowed brows. "No, i don’t really have anything to do." You laughed awkwardly.

"Would you like to have a Walk around the garden with me tonight? - I’ve noticed you spend a lot of time in there. Let me show you around the garden, let me show you everything more properly." He tells, waiting for your answer.

"Sure! I’d love that."

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

After lunch u went back into your room, taking a shower and putting on some fresh clothes. Putting on a light yellow dress with flowers on it. You left your hair down, the way you always wore it.

You weren’t going to lie, you were kinda excited to have a little more alone time with the King. You haven’t really gotten to chance on getting to know him. I mean, you should at least get to know him a little better, before marrying him.

You decided to ask him a few a question about him. If he’s okay with it, of course.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

As you reached to the door to the garden, the King was already there, waiting for you. He wore a white blouse with brown trousers. His hair was slightly wavy and parted in the middle. He looked effortlessly beautiful just standing there.

"Ah! There she finally is." He said jokingly, causing you to smile.

"Im sorry, your highness. I would’ve hurried up, if I knew you were waiting for me." You told him, as you both walked out in the garden.

You both walked around in silent for a bit, before he spoke up. "Do you have a favorite flower?" He asked you, when he noticed you looking at the daises near the fountain.

"Yes! I love roses, yellow roses in particular." You looked at him.

"Ah, i see. Is there any reason why you like yellow roses, Y/n?" He asked you, as you two continued walking.

"My brothers would always pick yellow roses for me when I was younger, because they knew I liked roses. Everytime I was sad, they would come home with yellow roses, trying to cheer me up. They brought me yellow roses for my birthday every year, they said that the Rose resembled me, its bright and delicate like me." You told him with a smile on your face, as you thought about the old times. "Do you have a favorite flower, your highness?"

"I don’t have a favorite flower, Y/n" he chuckled. "But I liked hearing about your favorite flower." He said, while he looked at you.

The King showed you around the garden like he said he would. He showed and explained certain parts of the garden to you. Before you both decided to take a Break.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You two kept on walking around the garden, until you stopped and sat down on a bench, that was under a tree.

"Can I ask you a question, your highness?" You asked him, looking at him.

"Of course."

"Why did you chose me? I mean, there were other girls, that clearly knew a lot more stuff about being a wife than I do." You mumbled, as you picked on your nails.

He turned his head and looked at you. "I was looking for a wife, Y/n, not a maid! All that those girls told me was, that they know how to do my laundry and cook for me. I don’t care about that stuff. They looked way to eager to become my wife, you were different though. That’s why I picked you." He says.

You were different? What does he mean? You didn’t even step forward when he first asked you to. All you did was, stand there awkwardly, hoping that the competition would come to an end soon.

"What do you mean?"

"You did not try, and push yourself on me like the others did. You were all the way at the back and kept yourself hidden from me. I liked that, it made you more interesting, it got me more interested in you." He says, eyeing you.

"I see." You said, looking in front of you. "Can I ask hold you are? - I’m sorry, I’m not trying to sound rude. I’m just curious because you know, were getting married and-"

"I’m 23, Y/n." He says with a grin, interrupting you.

"Oh! You’re not much older than me, thank god. I thought you were a little older - not that you look old! I just, I don’t know, I didn’t expect you to be so young." You tell him, not wanting him to think, that you thought he was old and possibly offend him.

"Don’t worry! people often get surprised, when I tell them, I’m only 23." he chuckles. "I guess, they just don’t expect a King to be so young."

"Yeah I guess." You say.

"Earlier you said, you’ve noticed me being in the garden a lot, were you spying on me, your highness?" You joke.

"Would you be scared, if I said yes?" He looks at you with a serious face.

"No, i would not be scared." You chuckle, but you don’t find it funny. His question suddenly making you feel a little uncomfortable.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You two talked for a little longer, before you both decided it was time for bed.

The King walked you to your bedroom, insisting on it even tho you told him, there was no need.

"Goodnight, Y/n. Sleep tight." He says with a grin on his face, once you reached your bedroom.

"Goodnight, your highness." You tell him, before closing the door.

You got ready for bed, not being able to get the Kings question out of your mind. It did made you a little scared, you weren’t gonna lie. But he was probably just joking around, and you were overthinking it a little much, like you always did.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Taglist : @fangirl125reader @min-nicoleee @yzkyzkuniverse @safi4x

[miyaniacs]

The One Night Stand pt. 4

Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader / Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

Part 1 ; Pt. 2 ; Pt. 3 ; Pt. 5

A/n: Okay so this one is rather short, I’m sorry but it wouldnt really fit if i’d continue it. So... See this as a short explanation chapter lol - also thanks for your comments, you’re literally the reason why i was motivated to write this now at 3am haha - also sorry that this turned out to be less nsfw now , but i mean... Probably in the next chapter. ( also i should really stop tuning my one shots into small stories)

Warnings: none

Characters: Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader , Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

Form: oneshot / short story

Putting on Gojos shirt, you walk over to him, sitting on the couch.

“Got some trouble walking?” He giggles and stretches out his arm, pulling you into his lap.

“Shut up.” You hit his chest while he wraps his arms around your waist and kisses your nose. You smile and look into his beautiful blue eyes. One of his hands moves up to your face, caressing your cheek. You lean into his touch and sigh softly.

“How could I ever leave you?” He whispers.

“That’s something I want to know too.” You tease and raise one of your eyebrows.

He avoids looking at you and scratches his neck.

“Uhm... Well.. You see...” he stutters looking everywhere than at you.

“So... uhm.. I - I was jealous... and you know... “ he finally looks at you, “ I couldn’t admit that I was so... I tried playing Uno reverse.” He chuckles embarrassed.

Gently you kiss his jaw. “I mean... same, why do you think i continued this thing with Toji.” You hide your face in his neck. He runs his fingers over your scalp, gently massaging it. “It’s fine.” He says and places a kiss on the top of your head.

“Hey Satoru?” You look up at him.

“Yes?”

“Why now?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you here now. Why not earlier?”

He hides his face in your hair, avoiding your gaze again.

“I just felt, as if something was missing... and I - I realized that I was simply missing you.”

Something in your head tells you, that this wasn’t the whole truth, but your heart wants to believe him. He was with you now. You finally had him back, so why should you make some drama now?

So you said nothing and just cuddle closer to him again.

The two of you stayed like this for a while, holding each other, enjoying each other’s company. Gojo keeps on stocking your head and back, occasionally placing kisses on parts of your body and you feel yourself slowly drifting to sleep.

Afters some time Gojo realizes that your breathing got slower and softer, he smiles and looks down at you.

He should have told you the truth, but he couldn’t.

He promised that he won’t hurt you again, so he kept quiet.

How should you find out anyways.

He knows that you always act tough, but deep inside, you just want someone you can trust, someone you feel save with.

He wants to be that person for you. Who should you feel saver with than him?

So it shouldn’t be important that he came back to you now, after Nanami told him how miserable you are. After Megumi mentioned that his Dad told him, how Gojo broke you.

He knows you love him.

And he does too, but not in the same way. He thought he did after seeing you leave with Toji, but it was just the fear of loosing the attention you give him. While he was with Bella the past weeks, he spent no second feeling guilty for not choosing you. He was happy having someone to hook up with now and then, without any strings attached.

He sighs and gets up, carrying you in his arms.

But even tho he cares too much about you, so he couldn’t hurt you more now.

Maybe he will learn to love you the way you love him...

He gently places you down on your bed and covers you with the blanket. Laying down next to you, he rests his head on his hand and looks at you, his other hands reaches out to you and outlines the features of your face.

You wake up, again having an arm wrapped around you, yet this time, it feels different. Somehow you don’t feel as good as you usually do.

It just doesn’t feel right.

“Gooood morninggggg angle.” Gojo sing whispers.

You smile, remembering everything that happened last night and turn around, looking into his eyes.

“Hi.” You whisper and close your eyes when you feels his lips on yours.

“I’m sorry to tell you... but we have to get up now. My students expect to see me in an hour.” He chuckles.

“Please I’m sure they’re more than happy to not have to deal with you in the morning.”

“Hey!” He pouts.

“But I‘ll gladly have you in the morning.” You laugh and pinch his cheek, “Now lets make some coffee or else I won’t be able to deal with you and the kids.”

Sipping your coffee you see your phone laying on the table and remember the message you got. Taking your phone you groan, seeing that it’s almost empty.

“Hey, can you charge it?” You hand Gojo, who sits next to your charger.

“Sure.” He smiles and you get up, “I need to get dressed ... so you don’t have to walk around shirtless.” You laugh.

Scrolling through his phone Gojo waits for you to come back. Your phone next to him vibrates, signaling that its now charged up to 80%. Due to the screen lighting up ,he sees the recent message you got. It just shows the name. “Toji”.

He know it’s wrong... but he still hears the water running in the bathroom... so he unlocks it, knowing your password.

When he reads the message his jaw clenches, his eye twitch and something in his heart stings.

His finger hovers over the bottom to delete the message... biting his lip he hesitates, but before he can delete the message he hears you coming back.

“Here.” You throw the T-shirt over at him, “is this my phone?”

“Uhm yes, sorry, I wanted to change my name in your contacts, but this chat was open and uhh.. here.” He awkwardly hands you your phone back.

“Please don’t tell me you wanted to switch it back to �� Your GOD’. “ you laugh but quickly stop when your eyes scan over the message on your phone.

“Uhm.. let’s go now.” You quickly lock the phone and walk over to your shoes.

Your hands shake as you put on your shoes, your heart feels tight and the words float through your head.

He loves you?

Toji loves you?

And why does your heart, the longer you think about it, feels warm and mushy?

You love Gojo, right?

Taglist: @laceymorganwrites @ereeeeehhh @gojocumslut @channieboiiii @alltimeluw

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

here’s 7.1k of Toni pining and Shelby and Toni being childhood friends and also far more character analysis of Rachel than I was expecting? also Marcus is real and I made him a gorgeous himbo. it’s based off that poem by @theycallmedizzy and you can find it here. lmk if you want a second chapter from shelby’s perspective, tho i literally just finished this one. like literally ten minute ago.

Mr. Williams finishes reading the poem and looks over his spectacles at the class. Yes, they’re spectacles, those kind of tiny thick ones that make his eyes too big because he’s much too old to be teaching.

It’s eight am on a Tuesday, Toni walked the three miles to school because she missed the bus only to walk into her shitty honors English class and hear the teacher reading a poem aloud to the class. Her poem. She’d sat down after a momentary pause and listened to him read the final damning stanza.

And then he looks at Toni.

He reads her essays right? What if he recognizes her writing voice? Is that a thing? Or maybe her handwriting or—

“Toni, I was just explaining to the class that whoever wrote this should submit it to the state literature festival,” Mr. Williams says, Toni almost sags against her chair. “I was hoping someone would come forward,” He turns back to the class, eyes hovering over Quinn and Monty, two of the more sensitive guys who sit in the back and ruin the curve for everyone. “But I’ll leave it on the board here,” he clacks it on with a magnet and Toni flinches, “and hopefully someone will come forward. Now onto today’s lesson.”

After class Martha goes up to the board and takes a picture of it, her eyes a little starry at the words and Toni grits her teeth.

“You have to admit it’s pretty,” Martha says. “Even you can’t deny that.”

“It’s dumb,” Toni says flatly, crossing her arms.

“Well I’m keeping it anyway, maybe someday someone will write a poem about me,” Martha says.

“How do you know it’s not about you?” Shelby asks coming out of nowhere and uninvited too. Toni glares at her, letting her open disdain shine through like sunshine through clouds after a gully washer.

“No guys notice me,” Martha informs Shelby sadly. “I bet Andrew wrote it for you.”

Shelby purses her lips and looks over the poem, “I doubt it. He’s more of a doer, I think. Besides, I’m sure that guys notice you, you went on a date with that boy Sam last month.”

Martha sighs and before she can launch into what a disaster that date was, Toni tightens her hands around her backpack.

“I’ll see you in science,” She tells Martha and manages to escape Shelby’s eyes burning at the back of her neck.

———

reasons not to kiss her

1.) this sort of love is not allowed. you are both too soft, and the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth

Toni had played about every sport she was allowed to growing up. Basketball was her favorite, but she loved beat it ball, the game she made up with the other kids in the neighborhood. It was basketball but without rules, devolving into fist fights within the first half. Nothing tasted better than her own bloody lip on a hot summer day. Not even the cool glass of lemonade Mrs. Blackburn always had ready when she ran all skinned knees to Martha’s telling her about how she beat guys two years older than her.

She got angry when she had to stop playing, moving to a different neighborhood. Apparently, Mrs. Blackburn had figured out that she wasn’t only getting her split lip from the older kids in the neighborhood.

The new foster parents were a little stricter, a little richer, and signed her up for youth soccer when she complained about how there was nothing to do without beat it ball.

Martha Blackburn would always be her person, but Toni didn’t expect to find her people so young. Dottie killed as goalie, and Becca’s sweetness made her defense all the better. But it was Shelby and Toni who were the dynamic duo. Toni had a never ending amount of energy as a midfielder and Shelby’s precision made her the perfect striker. It worked the same way every game, Becca would kick it to Toni, who got it to Shelby, who scored a goal. It got to the point that Becca didn’t even need to do much and the coach had to pull Toni aside to tell her to pass to the other girls too.

At the end of the season they sat together at the team party, wearing orange slice smiles. With sticky fingers they held hands and Toni kinda wondered how someone’s eyes could be so green.

Toni doesn’t remember why Shelby’s parents were so angry about them holding hands, but she knows Mr. Goodkind talked to her foster parents and Toni was off to a different home, in a different district, and she lost even Martha for a few months.

———

At lunch everyone’s talking about that fucking poem. Martha sent it around to the whole school and Leah is discussing its merits with Rachel and Nora. Even they don’t seem bored with the topic, though Nora is sure Quinn didn’t write it.

“It could be Monty,” Leah says. “I wouldn’t have thought he had an eye for this stuff.”

“I don’t think it’s Monty,” Rachel says. She looks at Nora, “C’mon, you know what I’m talking about, right?”

“What?” Nora asks.

“I mean it smells like Anna Akhmatova had a baby with Adrienne Rich,” Rachel says.

“Who had a baby with who?” Martha asks.

“Please,” Fatin says. “You’re not exactly the world’s leading expert on free form poetry.”

“Uh, I know when something’s written by a girl,” Rachel says. “I bet you fifty bucks some closet case wrote this.”

Everyone looks at Toni. “You caught me,” Toni deadpans.

“Rachel’s right,” Nora says. “A girl definitely wrote this. Toni, do you know anyone?”

Toni glares at her. “I’ll shake the lesbian phone tree and see what comes out.”

“Well, could it be Regan?” Martha asks. “Maybe she wants to—”

“It’s not fucking Regan,” Toni grabs her books and stalks out, kicking a chair randomly strewn around away as she did.

She hears Shelby sit down just as she leaves, “What’s got her madder than a baptized cat?” Shelby asks and Toni rolls her eyes.

———

2.) no one ever taught you how to love. your war paint and scarred hands could never hold her like she deserves

The worst of it was that Shelby was gentle. Her hands were warm and soft around Toni’s callouses, and there was a crinkle between her eyebrows as she focused on Toni’s hands. No, the worst of it was that Shelby didn’t let go of Toni’s hands when she finished, kept holding onto them as she met Toni’s eyes.

“Well?”

Toni swallowed hard, “I’m not gonna apologize.”

Shelby sighed, her thumb traced little circles around Toni’s hands. “I know today ain’t easy for you.” Toni scoffed and looked away. “But you know you were pickin' a fight. Andrew promised to leave you alone.”

Toni ripped her hands away and jumped from the bench of the locker room. “What the fuck do you know? You weren’t fucking there.”

Shelby’s calm only made Toni’s anger redder, “You ain’t denying it.”

“Why the fuck are you dating him? He’s a self-satisfied little asshole who just wants a little trophy girlfriend to—”

“Toni,” Shelby cut her off sharply and got to her feet, meeting Toni’s eyes.

“You’re not denying that either,” Toni spat.

She could’ve screamed at the hypocrisy. She wanted to scream. She wanted to pound her fists against the walls and bleed all over the bandages Shelby wrapped around her knuckles. She wanted to hurt, to make Shelby hurt. She wanted everyone to see and feel how hurt she was, and hurt them with that hurt. Finally level the playing field.

“Andrew is my business,�� Shelby said. “Not yours.”

“He becomes my business when you—”

“When I what?” Shelby asked.

Toni looked at her hands, “Never mind.”

Shelby sighed, “Martha’s helping you move in today, right? Shel’ll be there the whole time?”

“Don’t pretend you give a shit.”

“Of course I care. The last time you lived with your mom you didn’t eat for a week.”

“I was five, not fifteen,” Toni said. “And seriously, stop pretending you give a shit.”

She shoulder checked Shelby as she walked out and winced at the sound of Shelby hitting the gym lockers. Her hands still sting where Andrew’s teeth had scrapped them.

———

Regan approaches Toni during science, her eyes serious. Martha straightens, and Toni does her best not to make eye contact.

“It’s not mine,” Regan says.

“Yeah duh,” Toni mutters.

Regan frowns, “I just—I didn’t want you to—”

“You made it perfectly clear what you want,” Toni says.

Regan sighs and leaves and Toni regrets it.

“Shelby thinks it’s Marcus,” Martha tells her. Toni blinks up at her and Martha nods. “She thinks he wrote it for me.”

“Martha, that kid is dumber than a box of rocks,” Toni says.

Martha furrows her brow, “Maybe he has hidden depths.”

“If you think it’s him ask him out,” Toni says.

“Shelby thinks it’s him,” Martha is quick to correct. “But he doesn’t even know who I am.”

Toni rolls her eyes. Marcus had been in love with Martha since the ninth grade. They had gotten placed as lab partners and he literally didn’t take his eyes off her the entire time. Every time there was a dance he would always look like he was about to say something, shoot his shot, when Martha would loudly proclaim she couldn’t wait to go with her friends.

Toni would’ve pulled the guy aside and told him to grow a pair, but a guy who’s not brave enough to go after what he wants wasn’t good enough for her Marty, not by a long shot.

“Rachel still thinks a girl wrote it,” Martha says.

“Maybe Rachel wrote it,” Toni mutters.

Martha’s eyes light up.

———

3.) no one has ever loved you this full surely you would drown in it all

Being a lifeguard was the worst. It was super boring, the pay was shit, and also Toni would probably get someone killed. Like, they pretended she was CPR certified but she absolutely had no idea how to do it. She went to some hour long course, slept through it, took a test that was just: should you kill people? And then they wrote some bullshit on some papers about a three week long set of classes.

But Shelby was tanned and golden looking and on their shifts they’d text back and forth about which kids they were betting on to win sharks and minnows. Tweenage boys in all their adolescent infancy would gaze open mouthed at Shelby and Toni alike but Shelby was the only one who let them down gently. Toni would ruin them for girls forever with something enough to cut through even the thickest skin.

On the fourth of July the pool paid for fireworks and Toni found a blanket and Shelby found her and they sat watching the reflections of the lights together. Shelby rested her head on Toni’s shoulder, all gentle, like she was afraid Toni would spook.

“I know this ain’t much of a holiday for you,” Shelby said. “But thank you for spending it with me.”

She had her hand on the blanket, splayed out like she was waiting for Toni to take it, there in front of everyone. Toni imagined a world in which she did.

———

“Yeah it’s not me,” Rachel says. “I wish I could write that good.”

Which is such bullshit because Toni knows Rachel could say well if she wanted to. Rachel’s weird inferiority complex about Nora pisses off Toni to no end. Nora’s the smart one, Rachel will be the first to say, and Rachel’s the athletic one. But Nora has a six minute mile and Rachel has perfect pitch so Toni hates them both.

“Maybe it’s Dot,” Toni suggests and Rachel, Nora, and Martha snicker.

Out of all of them, Martha’s the best driver, but they always end up in Rachel’s car after school anyway.

“Most of the school seems to think it’s by Andrew,” Nora says. Toni’s fists clench.

“Yeah,” Rachel rolls her eyes, “I’m sure he would love to take the credit. C’mon Toni, you don’t know any lesbians who could’ve written this?”

“You’re a lesbian too,” Toni says. “You don’t know any?”

“I don’t have a life outside of the pool,” Rachel says, “and none of them have picked up a book since Hop on Pop.”

“Regan says it wasn’t her,” Martha cuts in helpfully. “But maybe it’s another kid in theatre. Shelby says—”

“Oh my god,” Toni grits out. “What is everyone’s deal with her anyway? Why is everyone still obsessed with her? She’s just another basic Jesus bitch.”

The car goes quiet and Toni wishes she could melt into her seat cushion.

“I didn’t mean that,” Toni says.

“Except you did,” Martha snaps.

Toni winces.

“What’s your deal with her?” Rachel asks. “You guys were fine last year.”

“Quinn says there’s a poetry club,” Nora says. “Maybe it’s someone there?”

No one takes the bait and they don’t talk the rest of the way.

———

4.) she belongs in a museum, and you are merely here to gaze. look around you, all the signs scream ‘do not touch’

“Shelby?”

Toni grabbed the shoulder of the girl and pulled her away from Marcus. Shelby was bruised lips and ruined make up and Toni took her by the hand. Thank god Martha wasn’t here, thank god Andrew wasn’t here, thank god Marcus looked just as trashed.

“Toni?” Shelby sorta stumbled, her ankle twisting painfully on her heel and Toni steadied her.

Shelby could do a cartwheel in six inch heels.

“I’m gonna get you home, okay?” Toni called over the music.

Shelby didn’t really respond, just leant into Toni as she led her away and outside. The party had spilled into the backyard and front yard some, the cops probably already on their way, but everyone was too fucking hammered to notice them making their way out.

Shelby’s house was only about a twenty minute walk but it was cold and Toni was only wearing her basketball shorts and her mom’s jacket that she promptly put over Shelby’s shoulders.

“Are you still—” Shelby swallowed hard, “You’re still living with your mom?”

“Mostly with Martha,” Toni said.

“Martha’s great,” Shelby said. “She’s so pretty it makes my eyes hurt.”

“One of our finest,” Toni grunted as Shelby nearly fell on her heels again.

“She could be a model,” Shelby told her. “We should get waffle house.”

“Shelbs, we’re nowhere near a waffle house.”

“What was Becca’s order? At waffle house?”

Toni sighed, looping an arm around her. “I dunno.”

“Neither do I,” Shelby said.

“I’m sorry, Shelby,” Toni said.

Shelby shook her head and stopped right there, circling her arms around Toni and pressing her into a hug. Toni closed her eyes, holding her back as tightly as she dared.

“Oh, Shelby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

———

“Day two!” Mr. Williams calls. He taps the poem again, “I will investigate the handwriting if the poet doesn’t come forward by Friday. I know it’s someone in one of my classes.”

His eyes narrow as he takes them all in and his eyes don’t linger on Toni. Not even for a moment.

There’s a part of her that wants to march up to the front of the room and write her name down, make eye contact with everyone who never even considered her before. But no one expects shit from her, and even if he does go over the handwriting he won’t really be able to pin it on her. He might not even bother checking to see if it matches.

Toni tries not to jump when Marcus takes the seat in front of her during quant lit. It’s not like they have assigned seating but everyone sticks to the same seats anyway. Marcus won’t get shit for it though, perks of being the quarterback.

“So, listen,” he scratches the back of his head and Toni rolls her eyes at him. “I know we aren’t really friends but I—um.”

“Marcus,” Toni says.

“I wanna ask Martha out,” Marcus rushes out. “She’s like the nicest, smartest, coolest girl in the school and like her eyes are out of this world radical.” Radical? “And I would take her somewhere nice like Olive Garden. Or Cheesecake Factory? And pay for it, and open all the doors for her, and I’d carry her books to class—”

“On your date? This is happening during school?” Toni asks.

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to connect the dots. Football players.

“Oh no! I meant like, after, if she wants me to,” He says. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Can I ask her out?”

Toni blinks at him. “What?”

“My buddy said if you want to get with a girl you get close to the best friend first, and I figured I’d ask you for your blessing because that’s what they do in old fashioned stuff right?” He bounces up in down in his seat. “Can I? Or like, do you wanna give me your blessing?”

She feels like she’s having an aneurysm.

Listen, Marcus having feelings for Martha is one thing. Everyone on the planet who’s ever met Martha falls a little in love with her. That’s kinda just how she operates. Toni narrowly avoided that pitfall by being lucky enough to know her since she was five, but it was a tough time. But Marcus was never gonna act on it. Marcus can’t—he’s the quarterback.

It’s basic math, Marcus is a six foot five football player with shoulders wide enough to bench press the Subaru Forrester Toni’s legally required to buy when she turns thirty-two. He’s got that all American boy smile that shows of perfectly white teeth, and dark hair that sweeps in front of his eyes. His face looks like it was sculpted out of marble, like literally he looks like some sort of roman god, except if that roman god volunteered at the humane society on the weekends and called his mom Mami.

Martha is a res girl who’s best friend is the dyke with anger issues. And like yeah, she’s stupid pretty, but Marcus has exclusively dated varsity cheerleaders since the seventh grade.

So yeah, even if Marcus may have feelings for Marty, everyone fucking does, and there’s a host of reasons why she doesn’t have a date to every dance and a new guy every week. And most of them are the cliche high school movie hierarchy sort.

“It’s really none of my business, man,” she says.

“Dude, it’s totally your business,” Marcus says. He leans closer, “you two are like sisters right? What do I gotta do to prove I’m not gonna hurt her? I’ll do your math homework for a month, no two months.”

A thought occurs to Toni and it’s a terrible one. But when has that ever stopped her?

“You’re in my honors English class right?”

Marcus’s face screws in, “Uh, yeah. But I don’t think you want me doing your homework in there, I’m like totally failing.”

“I have a better idea.”

———

5.) she touches you like youre fragile, and if you break you wont be able put yourself together again

Dot was asleep which was Toni’s first indication that something was deeply wrong. The second was that Shelby wasn’t. She was definitely trying her darnedest, but Toni could tell she was awake. Awake in her arms.

Toni shifted, just enough to let Shelby know she was awake too. The movie was some horror flick, something dumb and flashy and almost muted it was so quiet. It was the only thing rated R that they could all agree on. Dot’s house was the only place they were allowed to watch anything rated R when they were still thirteen, so it was all they watched there.

She felt Shelby shift up, so her head rested on Toni’s chest, shifted until her lips met Toni’s clavicle.

Toni wondered if she’d die.

Shelby went up instead of down, pressing kisses up the length of Toni’s neck, soft barely there things that made Toni’s breath catch as she watched Dot snore on the couch next to them.

Toni’s hands moved to the inside of Shelby’s thighs and they stared there, tracing delicate patterns that only made Shelby curl closer.

“I think you’re probably the most beautiful girl I ever saw,” Shelby whispered.

“I—”

“I’m not done.”

Toni’s mouth clamped shut.

“I think about you all the time,” Shelby whispered. “Even when I—”

“Shelby,” Toni warned. Shelby pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“You’re right,” Shelby said.

Neither of them slept that night.

———

Toni walks into class three minutes late with Mr. Williams, and takes her seat with a sulk.

“He still won’t let me redo that paper,” Toni mutters to Martha who’s eyes are wide.

“Toni, Marcus just—” She nods her head at the poem where Mr. Williams is studying it too.

“Marcus Gonzales?” Mr. Williams asks.

Marcus gets to his feet.

“You wrote this?”

“Yessir.”

“This poem right here?”

“Yessir.”

Mr. Williams blinks and takes off his spectacles, setting them down on the desk. “We’ll talk after class. I should hope everyone has a copy of—”

“I wrote it for Martha,” Marcus doesn’t sit down and the entire class stares at him.

“—Franny and Zooey and I would like you all to turn to page 52. Begin by annotating—”

“Martha, can I take you out on a date?” Marcus asks.

“—this first section, and on to page 64. Remember what Seymour serves as in—”

Martha blushes hard and glances at Toni who smiles before she looks back at Marcus in all his golden boy 6’5” glory.

“Um, okay,” she mutters out and he grins.

“Cool.” Marcus finally sits and gives Toni a thumbs up. She rolls her eyes.

“—this story and compare that to his roles in the other parts of the work we’ve read.”

“I told you it was for you, girl,” Shelby says on Martha’s other side. “People always have a way of surprising you.”

———

6.) she is all bubblegum skies and chapped stick kisses, and you cannot watch the love run out of another persons eyes

They were all a little bit slap happy by the end of the night. A little bit drunk, a little bit high, and laughing far too hard at one another.

“I’m scared,” Shelby told them, still grinning wider than any pageant smile.

“Girl, you picked dare,” Fatin said.

“I did,” Shelby bit her lip. “But all y’all dared Leah to do was finish the vodka.”

“That was—that was bad vodka,” Leah slurred from her position on Dot’s lap.

“But now we’re out of vodka,” Martha sang. “You picked dare.”

“I’ll go with you,” Toni got to her feet, surprised when they were more steady than she assumed they’d be. “Two chairs right?”

“Alright,” Shelby said. “And you’ll hold my hand?”

“Sure princess,” Toni rolled her eyes.

It was an office supply place, probably. The parking lot had this killer decline, and it was one of those spring nights where nothing could really ruin anything. Not forever.

The rolling chairs were kinda gross, left there but not yet picked up by the garbage men. They had to do a special pickup for that, which costed extra. No one in the office had done it for the weeks the girls had been going there after parties.

“Be careful,” Nora urged.

“Don’t fall,” Rachel suggested.

“Hold on, I’m not recording yet,” Fatin said. “Okay now go.”

They pushed off in their rolling chairs, holding hands, and sped down the decline laughing as they barely managed to hold on and steer at the same time.

Toni went flying as she bumped into a patch of grass and for some reason, Shelby went flying with her, landing on top. Toni grunted, but she wasn’t in pain, not really.

They met eyes.

“Sorry,” Shelby said. She didn’t sound sorry.

“You okay?” Toni asked.

Shelby smiled, this real soft thing, Toni wondered what it’d taste like.

“Fuck yeah bitches! I’m so putting that on snapchat!” Fatin screamed and Shelby pulled away, turning white.

“God if this is you in in freshman year, I’m terrified of you as a senior,” Toni called back.

Shelby’s hand slipped out of her’s and Toni tried very very hard not to overthink it.

———

“So I’ve been thinking,” Leah said. Toni took her gym bag out of her locker, pretty much the only thing she kept in there.

“Oh no.”

“Rachel was right about that poem being written by a girl,” Leah continued. “Which meant Marcus lied. And Marcus would never do that unless someone gave him permission to take credit. And since Marcus lied so he could ask Martha out that means the person who wrote the poem wanted Martha to be happy.”

Toni swallowed hard and tried not to fumble with the lock, stumbling with it.

“Toni,” Leah walked over to her. “You need to face the facts: Shelby’s into you.”

Toni blinked, “What?”

“She wrote that whole poem for you, don’t tell me you don’t see it. It’s about you!”

“She—” Toni stopped and furrowed her brow, finally making eye contact with Leah, “You think she wrote that poem for me?”

Leah nodded, “And she let Marcus take the credit. Listen, I know I’m right. I’ve been thinking about it for ages. Whatever fight the two of you had—you need to get over it. She’s into you, Toni. She’s been into you.”

“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about,” Toni told her. “Seriously, fuck you Leah and fuck off. This is none of your fucking business.”

“You aren’t denying it,” Leah crowed. “Shelby likes you.”

“No she fucking doesn’t!” Toni spat at her. “She fucking hates me! She didn’t write that poem Marcus did! For Martha!”

Leah’s brow furrowed, “But… but you wanted her to. Didn’t you?”

Toni looked away.

“Shelby’s actually straight, isn’t she?” Leah asked. “Fuck Toni.”

“I’m happy for Martha,” Toni said, and marched away.

———

7.) if you jump, she might catch you, and then youd have to watch as she tumbled through the dark

“What if we ran away?” Shelby asked, which was Toni’s third indication that the punch was spiked.

The first two were her arms wrapped around Toni’s waist, swaying in the soft breeze to the distant music of Junior prom.

“Oh yeah?” Toni asked. “Where’d we go?”

“Peru,” Shelby said. “Or LA, or New York or—” Shelby sort of trailed off, losing her thought halfway through it.

“Our parents,” Toni pointed out. She’d moved in with Martha a few months ago but her mom had taken it as a wakeup call, promising to get her shit back together as soon as she could. Toni couldn’t help but believe her, even if it put her in stasis.

“Right,” Shelby sounded cold, “Our parents.”

“Are things worse with them?” Toni asked.

“No,” Shelby said. “The same, really. They’ve lightened up since—since Becca. Have you heard from your mom?”

“Every week or so,” Toni said. “And if you ever need a break you know—“

“Martha is happy to have me,” Shelby finished.

Toni smiled and pulled away enough to meet Shelby’s eyes, her hands slid from behind Shelby’s neck to either side.

“Did I tell you you look beautiful tonight?” Toni asked.

“You did,” Shelby said.

“Can I say it again?”

“You can.”

“You look beautiful tonight.” Shelby closed her eyes and Toni tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You’re gonna get out, you know that right?”

Shelby nodded, leaning into Toni’s hand.

Later, Toni will learn that was one of two lies Shelby told that night.

———

Martha gets home at 11:30, exactly when Marcus promised, and Toni smiles as her sister collapses backwards into her bed.

“Toni,” she actually giggles, giggles like a little school girl. “It was amazing.”

“Where’d you go?” Toni asks.

“Olive Garden, I think he was trying to win points with you,” Martha says.

“As he should,” Toni nods.

“He was the perfect gentleman,” Martha swoons. She rolls onto her stomach and looks at Toni and oh god, Toni knows that look. “He did tell me something about you, though.”

“Oh yeah? How I’m better in quant lit than him?” Toni asks.

“He told me you wrote the poem,” she says.

Toni looks away, “Okay, and?”

“You told me you were over Regan,” Martha says.

“It’s complicated,” Toni decides. “And whatever. I wrote it awhile ago anyway.”

“Have you thought about submitting it to that contest Mr. Williams was talking about?” Martha asks.

“Can we go back to talking about your date with Prince Charming?” Toni says. Martha acquiesces, she’s too damn giddy to do anything else.

———

8.) her gaze is too gentle. you will not be the one to tell her that not everything can be fixed with a smile

“Toni,” Dot began, and Toni could tell she was looking at her. “Toni, is Shelby—is she gay?”

Toni snickered, “Dot, Shelby is possibly the biggest straight girl in our school. Maybe our state. She’d sooner give herself a buzzcut than she would ever even kiss a girl."

“Andrew said Shelby got a job as a counselor at this church camp—Guiding Light—in Plano,” Dot said. “I wanted to find the address so I could write to her and it’s a conversion camp.”

The breath left Toni’s body.

“What?”

“And I got to thinking,” Dot said. “About what a mess she was after Becca died this year. Ignoring us, going to all those parties, signing up for a crazy number of pageants. Hell, it was only once you two started talking that she talked to us again.”

“Stop it, Dot.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

“Dot,” Toni said.

“Because if she’s gay, if she’s not there as a camp counselor—Toni, did you know about this?”

“Of course not! Jesus!” Toni said. She jumped to her feet and started to pace, “Jesus Christ. Oh my god.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

Toni looked at Dot and Dot sighed, her entire body sagging.

“What do we do?” Toni asked.

Dot, her solid, steady, friend since fucking youth soccer was silent.

“Dot, what do we do?”

“Dot, what the fuck do we do?”

———

Shelby finds her before school, Toni smoking like she hasn’t since ninth grade when Bernice gave her a stern lecture about lung cancer. It made Toni cry, actually. Not because it was so stern but because Martha and Toni had been separated for three years and Bernice still cared enough to get angry with her. She promised then and there to stop, and each drag she took now makes her feel like she’s committing treason.

“Smokin’ kills,” Shelby tells her, like they didn’t all go to Dot’s dad’s funeral last year.

Toni takes another drag, just to watch Shelby roll her eyes.

“How’d Martha’s date go last night?” Shelby asks.

Toni glares, “Seriously? You avoid me all year and now you’re asking about Martha’s date?” Shelby looks away. “It went fine. Whatever.”

“I just—I was surprised Marcus wrote that poem is all.”

“You literally said multiple times you thought it was him,” Toni says.

“I know, I know but—”

“Still holding out hope for Andrew?” Toni sneers. “Marcus may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he cares about Martha. Even a fucking idiot could write a half decent poem if they had someone worth writing about.”

Shelby meets her eyes and Toni’s breath catches.

“Know a lot about poetry, Toni?”

Fuck fuck fuck.

Toni flicks the only half used cigarette away. “I have to go to class,” She says, aware it’s just about the worst thing she can do.

Shelby doesn’t even need the last word, she’s aware she’s already won.  

———

9.) she is so good. she is so good, and you cannot ruin one more good thing

It hadn’t been the first time Toni found her mom overdosed on the couch, but it’d been the most terrifying. Toni had waited in the school parking lot for a pick up for twenty minutes before Shelby had offered her a ride.

When they trooped inside, after having to use the key Tamera kept tucked away in a loose brick, her mom had been passed out on the couch. And the stupid thing had been that Toni had known her mom hadn’t been doing great. Like she’d known Tamera had lost her job, and was close to losing the car, that the pain in her back had been getting worse again from stress. Toni had known that.

But for some stupid, naive reason, Toni had never thought she’d pull this, go back to who she was.

Her tolerance was low, the doctors had told her, because she’d been clean for so long. She hadn’t realized it and had taken more than she could handle.

Shelby had taken the three of them to the hospital, helped carry Toni’s drooling mother into the ER, and held Toni’s hand until the other girls showed up, who she texted to come.

Shelby had been there when the police and social services came to talk to her about going back into foster care. Shelby had never left her side.

Toni couldn’t help but contrast that to the Shelby she saw now. The Shelby who showed up for senior year was barely christian, barely anything, just sort of blank and empty and waiting to grow up so she could have daughters that'd also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also

Shelby didn’t even look at her, for the first week of senior year she didn’t even look at Toni. She talked with Martha in that faux friendly way, she passed off on lunch invitations to do school work and Toni felt like she was going insane.

Sometimes she would just stare at the back of Shelby’s head in English class, writing whatever gibberish came to mind, and not listening to Mr. Williams at all. Just stare, for forty-five minutes, at a girl who wouldn’t even make eye contact, Toni’s pencil moving rapidly as she barely even glanced at the words her hands produced.

On the last day of the semester Toni finally looked away and came to two realizations:

a. Her mother was never getting better. Not really. b. Toni had written P E R U over forty times in her notebook.

As quietly as she could she tore the page out, and maybe about fifteen pages behind it, filled with similar drivel and recycled them at the end of class.

When the next semester started the seats were changed and something she’d written that she barely remembered was on the board.

Her mother was still in rehab.

———

Toni watches Marcus carry Martha’s backpack to class and watches as Martha giggles at him, argues with him. She is literally so happy it makes Toni’s heart burst.

“Shelby’s quite the matchmaker, huh?” Fatin asks.

Toni looks at her.

“Leah told me,” Fatin explains.

Toni rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too,” Fatin says. “Leah’s good at noticing things but putting the pieces together is not her strong suit. So I called Dorothy.”

This makes Toni’s shoulders tense and Fatin wraps an arm around them.

“Dorothy didn’t want to talk but what she didn’t say was enough.” Fatin sighs, “I’m all for a little drama but this is cutting into my me time.”

“What going from twenty-four hours a day to twenty-three and a half?” Toni asks.

“God forbid,” Fatin nods sagely. “I didn’t know you could write.”

“I can’t.”

“Clearly not.”

Toni slips out from under her arm, and follows Martha into class. Mr. Williams glares as she comes in and Toni realizes if Marcus came clean to Martha he definitely came clean to Mr. Williams. At least the poem is off the board.

When he passes out papers from a recent essay her’s has a “see me after class” sticker that makes Toni slide down in her seat. Martha doesn’t even notice enough to give her an odd look because she and Shelby are yukking it up about the quarterback.

When everyone files out she hangs back and he looks at her, over his spectacles.

“I’m disappointed,” he says at last.

Toni scoffs.

“You write essays based off spark notes, you never participate, and half the time you don’t even do the homework. But you write this.” He slides the crumpled paper over his desk, her poem shining back at her. “So all I can conclude is that you’re lazy.”

Yeah, obviously.

“Why did you have Marcus tell everyone he wrote it?” Mr. Williams asks.

“So he could ask out Martha.”

“He didn’t need to have written the poem to do that,” Mr. Williams says.

“Can I go?” Toni asks.

“I want to submit this poem to a contest, I want you to start trying in this class, and this,” he hands her a slip of paper with about twenty sets of numbers on it, “is a list of Dickinson poems I want you to read by next week. Pick at least three to write me at least a page about. Single spaced.”

“What?” Toni asks, “You can’t make me do that.”

“I know half the kids in this class write off spark notes, I can easily have them all—including you—fail. So yes, yes I can actually.” He takes off his spectacles and Toni glares at him. “You’re a smart kid, Toni. You’ve got a talent for this.”

Toni shakes her head, “I’m a one hit wonder.”

“You know Britney Spears said the same thing after Baby One More Time.”

“That’s not true,” Toni says.

“Yeah,” Mr. Williams says. “Because she kept working at it.”

And Toni takes the slip of paper with the numbers on it, and marches to her next class and he watches her the whole way, not bothering to put on his stupid spectacles.

———

10.) you will not watch her crumble under the weight of your sins. she is too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of your heart

Dot didn’t invite them all to the funeral but they came anyway, even Shelby who Toni knew had been waffling back and forth.

Some of his army friends showed up, a doctor or two, and Mateo—the hot nurse Dot steadily ignored. It was a small and quiet service, and the seven of them sat towards the back, holding steady for her.

There was too much on Dot’s shoulders, there always had been, but she didn’t look any freer now that the burden was lifted. She just looked scared, small, and sad.

Toni couldn’t help but wonder if that was what she’d look like, if she got the call about her mom. It was a terribly selfish thought but who could blame her?

Shelby’s hands interlocked with hers, in broad daylight, and stayed there for the entire day. When Toni met her eyes she saw pure terror reflected back at her.

God, were they really only seventeen?

———

Rachel is complaining at lunch about owing Nora five bucks, how she was so sure some closet case wrote the poem but it’s no surprise Nora got it right.

Fatin and Leah don’t contribute and Martha probably wouldn’t have either except she was eating lunch with Marcus, they had found their own little table and were smiling at one another.

“They’re certainly cute together,” Shelby says, glancing back at Martha and Marcus.

“I say it’s weird they have the same name,” Rachel says.

“Says the girl who dated a guy named Raymond,” Nora says.

Rachel throws a straw wrapper at him, “That was a phase and you know it.”

“Marcus is sweet,” Shelby says. “If anyone deserves someone sweet it’s Martha.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little,” Leah trailed off and they all looked at her. “You know a little…”

“Spit it out, Leah,” Rachel says.

“Like the porch lights on but no one’s home?” Leah says.

“Martha is smart enough for the both of them,” Toni says. “And thank god because I was sick of doing his homework in quant lit.”

“That’s literally the easiest math class there is,” Fatin says and Toni shrugs.

“What’s that?” Shelby asks, pointing at the yellow slip sticking out of Toni’s binder.

“Some extra credit stuff, from Williams. Apparently I’m not doing so hot in that class,” Toni says.

Rachel leans way over from the other end of the table. “What is that, Dickinson?”

“It’s a list of numbers,” Shelby says. “Why would it be Dickinson?”

“All of Dickinson’s poems were numbered. It was only after she died that other people named them,” Nora says.

“And Nora said it so you know it’s true,” Rachel smirks.

“Join the fucking club,” Dot says to Toni. “I don’t know why y’all didn’t take non-honors English twelve with me. We just sit around and talk about whatever football game was on the most recently.”

“Well I’ve never liked football so.” Toni gets up, “I’ve gotta talk to my science teacher. I’ll see you guys after school.”

“I’ll go with you,” Shelby smiles and Toni clenches her jaw. “Ms. Roberts said I needed to rework my psych paper.”

“See you guys,” Rachel says and as they leave she’s arguing with Dot about why football is stupid and Toni can feel Fatin’s eyes on her all the way out.

———

reasons to kiss her

1.) she loves you, and her eyes are closed, and didnt your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting

Toni hated the magnet program kids at her middle school. Like everyone not in their cluster she found them annoying, rich, and privileged as fuck. They only hung out with each other and it was clear they’d never give—

———

“Toni?”

The stair well is empty, it’s the short cut through the language hallway and no one goes there during lunch.

Toni is working hard on ignoring Shelby but is forced to turn around when Shelby stops halfway up.

“Ms. Roberts doesn’t need me to rework my psych paper.”

Toni stares at her.

Shelby takes a step up, one step closer to Toni.

“I had hoped maybe you wrote it for Regan,” Shelby says.

“No such luck,” Toni croaks out.

“That’s a lot of reasons not to kiss someone,” Shelby says. “You’d think if you really shouldn’t kiss someone you’d only need the one.” She takes another step up, until they’re only separated by a few inches.

“I guess,” Toni says.

“Are you really gonna keep me waiting?” Shelby says.

Toni blinks, “You mean you still—”

“I have to do everything myself,” Shelby says.

She kisses her.

[gaylittlewhumpee]

little wolf

chapter one: new Master

cw: non-human/monster-ish whumpee, wolf-ish whumpee, pet whump, abandonment, muzzling, too small cage, new owner, self-depreciation, implied punishments (feel free to tell me if i missed something)

Pet just wanted to be good.

It only wanted to make Master happy, but still, it always failed terribly. A monster, that's what Master called it. An awful, useless beast.

Master was doing it a favor by keeping it tied up and muzzled. He was always so kind to punish the Pet when it was being bad, but Pet was never grateful enough. It was ugly, and hideous, and noisy, and clingy, and also disobedient. And Master deserved a good pet, not a bad one.

That probably was the reason why Pet was now stuffed in a cage too small for it, blindfolded, muzzled and chained, in the trunk of Master's car, going gods know where. Master finally decided to get rid of it, Pet knew. It was really sad that it wasn't able to make Master more happy.

It didn't want to go away from Master. Master was good, and Pet knew him. It knew what the rules are and what happens when it disobeys them. It didn't want to leave him.

But Master was apparently sick of it.

Pet tried not to cry. Master hated it when it was being loud. Stupid, stupid pet, too big and too noisy.

The car stopped, but the motor kept running. Pet twitched its ears when it heard Master's voice. He was on the phone with someone. It catched a few segments of the call.

,,... alright if… drop it off? Yeah… no, it should be fine… the money… all the papers… if anything… yeah. I recommend… Good… Okay, about five minutes? … Great. I'll wait there…. 'Kay. Bye."

The motor went off and Pet tensed up when it heard the car's door open. Master walked over to the trunk and opened it, letting some fresh air in.

,,Hey, mutt."

Master dragged the cage out, not worrying about dropping it. Pet felt how it hit the ground and a soft whimper escaped from its mouth.

,,Shut up and stop whining, mutt. They should be here in a moment."

Pet softly sniffed the air. It smelled like grass and warm asphalt, like an old small rest stop tucked away from civilization. Like a perfect place to get rid of a useless, broken pet.

It heard the sound of a car coming from a far away way sooner than Master and it couldn't help but tense up and whine. Master kicked its cage and it whimpered, but it couldn't stop itself. It tried to soundlessly beg for Master's mercy, but it was useless.

The sound came closer. Pet couldn't stop shivering in fear. Who is this stranger that will take Pet away? Are they cruel? Are they gonna kill Pet? What is going to happen to it? It didn't want to, it didn't want to, it didn't want to-

The car pulled over and stopped a few meters away.

,,Hello there," a male voice spoke up. ,,I guess you're the guy, eh?"

Master simply kicked Pet's cage again. Pet whined when it's small shelter rattled violently.

,,Take it," Master said, and Pet felt panic rising inside its guts. No. No no no no no. No, don't take it away from Master, it will be good, it will be so good, just let it go home-

,,Okay, man. Woah, the pup's bigger than i thought," said the stranger, his shoes hitting the ground as he walked over to them. ,,Uh… Why is it all caged and shit?"

,,It's a fucking monster," Master growled. ,,It's able to rip your throat out before you even blink. 'Course I trained the hell out of it, but still. It's less fuss when it's packed up, ya know?" Pet flinched a bit when he threw a box of things next to its cage.

,,Yeah, sure," the man replied. ,,I'm gonna just let it out, tho. It looks kinda crammed."

,,Do whatever you want," Master said and Pet could hear the smirk in his voice. ,,It's all yours now."

Master took a few steps back and Pet whined, hoping he would come back, but no. It heard Master's car starting and then driving away, the sound of its motor fading in the distance. Pet softly whimpered.

It almost yelped when the man's hand touched its back out of nowhere, biting the sound back in the last moment. It has to stay quiet. It has to be good.

,,Hey there, buddy," the stranger said softly. ,,Would you mind if I let you out of this stupid cage? Damn, you're all crammed up inside, it must be so uncomfortable. C'mon. I won't hurt you."

Pet forced itself to bite back all the whines and cries and waited, its heart racing. The man's fingers struggled with the lock a bit, and then it heard a soft click when he opened the door.

,,Come out, buddy. I wanna see you and take off those damn restraints."

No, the cage was safe. It was small and cramped and uncomfortable, but it was safe. Pet whined and shifted a bit, not even reaching the door, terrified.

The man sighed. ,,Alrighty then, pup. Stay in your cage if you want to. I understand that you're scared, but you don't have to. Can I at least take off the blindfold?"

Pet tensed up when his hand brushed against its muzzle and carefully let the blindfold slip down. It immediately lowered its gaze, not allowed to look into new Master's eyes.

New Master breathed out and smiled at Pet. He was tall and tan, with long, curly brown hair and freckles.

,,That's better, pal," he chuckled and brushed his fingertips over Pet's fur, ,,Now, let's go home, shall we?"

ohh god i'm new to this-

so, i always wanted to write my own pet whump story and i had this whumpee oc since i was like? twelve?? so hurting this little one comes naturally to me haha

anyways i hope you like it, feel free to correct any mistakes - english isn't my first language - and feel free to ask about anything!! ^^

[saintobio]

hello !! this was such a good chapter 😩 i have no regrets reading it first thing in the morning HAHAHAHA

i just wanted to say that it’s so funny how like,, the stuff gojo’s been complaining about the way he’s being treated this chapter,,,, is exactly the same way he’s been treating yn the entire time,,,,,, but he’s not ready for that conversation🤡📸

AND THE BORA BORA THING !!!! miss girl that whole interaction had me missing toji so bad i reread every scene in the givenchy store just to be called mrs zenin again 🤓

thank u for this long, beautiful chapter ai! and please get some rest :( i was reading through your asks the other day, and now i just wanted to let u know that i (and i’m sure others too) don’t mind waiting for you if you ever decide to take a break for the sake of your health ok :( please take care of urself!!

@tobeeeoh said

Heyyyy thanks for the new update of SN!! AMAZINGGGG CHAPTER AS ALWAYS HNGGGHH😭 istg sera always comes in at the worst time ASSDHSHAKAL

the one when y/n deleted her photo from gojo's phone left a crack on ma heart. GOJO WOULDNT BE ABLE TO SEE HER PHOTO IF SHE LEAVES AND HE DESERVES IT😤😤

okay now i read your schedule and AGAIN!! pls find time to rest and take care of yourself hun❤️

@brokennerdalert said

Where to begin with Satoru? I cant even with him! I mean he's getting better(kinda? Bitch doesn't know what he wants. He needs to make up his mind) I have to say it but I lowkey hope something happens and MC ends up with Toji. And Satoru will come groveling back and MC being the QUEEN she is, is gonna be like 'ew. no bitch, be gone' And then he dies alone. The End

@atsumusoup said

Gojo got some mad mommy issues 😮‍💨 but ig I understand 🙄 very much looking forward to that Bora Bora trip for some dramarama tho 😗

@miyarins said

we really said girl boss this chapter <3

but your power to make me feel such emotions is immaculate. i love u

@lcveaesop said

HELLO??? THE NEWST CHAPTER?? HELLO??

GAAAAA i'll make this quick ik there's gonna be alot soon in your inbox but i just wanted to say i really really REALLY LOVED THIS CHAPTER FOR A LOT OF REASONS!

We got to see more of gojo's pov, y/n's conflicting feelings as to how to treat him (WE'RE CONTEMPLATING SELF-RESPECTIVE DECISIONS Y'ALL) sera can suck ass, and oh my gof sowiaja the childhood scene😭😭 (im a sucker for childhood aus and this hit the spot) lots of thoughts for your series, i truly didn't mind thw wait! good job but pls don't pressure yourself to write more!

@burguhndy said

I was out here reloading my feed waITING FOR THIS!!! the TWO SMUT SCENES????? GOJO BEING NICE??? SERA BEING THROWN TO THE SIDE LIKE THE MISTRESS SHE IS 😭 ???

the funniest part was that i started reading this fic on google chrome whenever id search random jjk fics to read but i got so intrigued that i downloaded tumblr and made an account to keep up like 😭😭 i feel 13 again

ALSO ALSO hope youre doing well! You are a great writer and i hope you are getting rest. Please dont listen to those mean ass anons, they obviously don’t understand that you’re a real person with real shit to do in life. Anyways bye <3

@dumplingzumispam said

as someone who's been in mc in a gojo sera relationship (minus the marriage and getting together before gojo sera),, it kind of hurts when people call her dumb or they say why can't she leave lmfao😭 like i wish it were that easy tbh,, especially when they're consistently hot and cold but choose to prioritize the side once they come back in the picture

they build you up and make you think you're the only one in their eyes just to bring it down with some genuine act of love towards the side.. it's like a constant battle between mind over heart where yk u should leave but u want to stay in hopes that things will get better

also,, take ur time with the updates :) prioritize ur health whether it is physical or mental🖤 u should come first before writing,, we care about u and ur wellbeing 😚 it's okay if we gotta wait a long time bc regardless of how long it takes u to post,, ur works are true masterpieces

HELLO BESTIES <333 thanks sm for reading the last chapter and i am sosoo glad that u guys liked it !! i loved reading these reactions and feedback :’) and i will def need to rest moreeee hhhhhh

[crimsonandcloverwrites]

ok bhah ch11 my longest yeah boi ever

i’m literally... so excited I can’t even read it ok ok

oh no not the wedding invitations not this

i swear to god if we have to go through this wedding. knifeemoji

listen I have a fear that we’re gonna get the break up and the car accident same as canon dear god don’t put us through that either

no fears *literally everything that could make bhah more painful* several fears dot meme

god not the jamie invite. she cant even do it. another sign from god you are choosing to ignore

straight to Jamie’s house oh

lmao the red door I just worked out that’s a hill house reference from when I was wondering in like ch3(?) lol the inner workings of my dumbass brain never stop

“can we talk?” it’s happening what is happening

Dani was so tired of lying oh my god

my heart is literally beating so fast

alone in Jamie’s room bro wtf wtf

Jamie is just so soft and understanding always always aaaahhhhh

fuck she just wants out of this wedding so bad but she can’t even tell him

AAAHHH SHE KISSED HER OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING

fuck fgkjhdfkjgh this is not good oh no. Dani finally finally fucking doing something for herself and Jamie so aware that this cannot be happening like this right now

and yet both of them just falling into it anyway oh my goddddd

jesus christ jesus christ “Dani had half crawled into Jamie’s lap, kissing her with a fierce and fervent heat” I am on deaths door

god they’ve both wanted this for so so so so long I can’t believeeeeee

(i am so thrilled that y’all just went there right away btw)

“Please, just - I just want to feel how I’m supposed to.” oucchhhh Dani

god her just... knowing. after one kiss w Jamie that she can finally do it and talk to him and end it and it’s so terrifying but goddd yes

“You think I can ever say no to you?” oof

“Ask,” Jamie breathed. “Ask me.” fucking fuck the power of this line oh my god Jamie is so fucking ready to jump of a bridge for her it’s- the dedication the love the longing the everything I am going insane is it too early to start drinking at 1pm

you’re not you can’t NOT THE CANON DINER SCENE

fuck this is like watching a car crash i can’t look away it’s so fucking visceral and nerve-wracking and painful

but god I’m so proud of her for finally saying what she wants

oh thank fuck y’all didn’t take him out with a passing delivery truck

“You must have known. You know me.” oh god this sentiment always kills me

“She couldn’t say it — the words ‘I’m gay’ forever out of reach — so instead she said, “I can’t.”” my whole body is on fire oh my god this is.... too fucking real

jesus christ the near miss w the truck are u trying to kill me (i actually kind of love that Dani will have to deal w her feelings w him face to face instead of having to bury it all in grief like in canon I am so excited to see how y’all handle that)

a fucking HOUR in the car dfkjghdfkjh the torture

oh honey. literally both of them suffering so much ouch

her favourite saucepan pls this is all so awful and sad but that make me laugh so much the poor confused little duck I am glad she has her comforts

god poor Dani

"Is she here to cook something?"  fgkjdhfkgjhfkjgdf

“No. I think you’re brave.” oh

“We’ll figure it out." listen listen I am undoubtedly losing my mind god this is soft

“She had spent so long being asked and not asking. Never asking. She never dared. To ask was to be known, to be made visible, words forging reality as surely as a smith’s hammer. And yet Jamie waited, letting Dani gather the courage herself.

"Can I -?" Dani said, "- stay?"” please fuck I am just so !!!!!!!! about Dani getting to know what she wants and having a fucking voice. just !!!!!!!!

“Jamie inviting her in” fucking just both of them finally getting some of that quiet courage w each other I am yelling so much

“Dani knew that it wasn't just her feeling this, that it had never just been her.” YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT BABEY

““But you do?” Dani asked. “Want to?”

Jamie’s answering laugh was brief and incredulous. “You have no idea.”” I AM: HOOTIN. AND: HOLLERIN

“I am here” hello? hello I am not coping I am on another plane of existence. DANI FINALLY FEELING SO PRESENT AND WHOLE IN THIS MOMENT

god they’re just holding each other i’m tearing up. Jamie is her home

Dani finally sleeping through the night ow my fucking heart

Mikey’s so chill about all of this sdkdhfdkj I love him

Jamie going out n buying her favourite jam... god the tenderness. love is stored in the strawberry jam and the hairdryer

hmmmmm her attraction to Jamie is so closely tied to a lot of really hard feelings this is gonna take a bit to work through huh???

aw Jamie going to Carson I am so happy she has her little band of gays to help her rn

I love that she can just kiss her now when she gets the urge like maybe chill out a lil just landing all these surprise kisses but like good for u girl. good for both of u

the warmth of the house hmmmmm I love that she’s found this esp because she is perpetually cold and Jamie is always warm but keeps it like that for the kid (and probably for Dani too) aaahhhh

cgjkdfhkjgh Dani is so thirsty poor Jamie trying to keep them in check. these moments are so fucking loaded holy shit

Dani Jamie and Mikey are the cuuutest lil family aw

god the tentativeness between them trying to figure this all out and the casual intimacy and just. all of it is so much and so beautiful to watch unfold

i love this little bubble inside Jamie’s house and Jamie kind of drawing the curtains around them both physically and metaphorically while she lets Dani figure things out and lets it settle between them

it’s all about the hands

oh my god Hannah instantly asking if she needs a place to stay she really is the best

soft little mornings with her Jamie like... once Dani finally defeats the ball of guilt in her chest there is so much goodness to look forward to and I am v glad she has that right now even as she is still struggling a bit. my girl needs all the sweetness in her life

also the idea of Jamie getting to wake up to sleeping Dani in her bed every morning after a lifetime of trying to repress her feelings... god

heh she’s already figuring out all the ways to push Jamie’s buttons god these two are going to have some fun w each other

this idea of learning the creaking floorboards of a new home is so... warm

Jamie leaving all the curtains drawn for her oh my heart keeping her safe keeping her safe

Nan would be so proud of ms Dani u know it’s true

awww Mikey comin home to keep her company

Mikey Dani time is always so sweet I love them

my god Dani n Jamie are so intense w each other and just so full of fucking desire... when those floodgates finally open will they even survive

oof Dani is dealing with soooo much ugh. Jamie always there with a gentle way to bring her back down to earth tho my hearrrtttt

“You’re allowed to be happy.” she is SHE IS ty Jamie Taylor voice of reason

a pinky promise to deal with everything together awwww

“why are you so good to me” “you know why” oh my goddddddd. that’s so soft that’s so gentle that’s so much love

Dani finding little bits in herself in media god i love this

Dani Mikey hours best hours

god Carson... sweet boy. And Judy sending over a whole bunch of food oof just. these quiet little reminders of their love for her. Dani’s about to go through a whole bunch more emotions huh?

fkjdfkjgfh Mikey going into protector mode when Carson is there pls i love hm

ohmy “our room” aaaaaaahhhhh

god Dani expecting him to be upset with her I am so fucking emotional. I relate far too much to Dani in canon and in this story and it’s just. painful as hell to see someone go through the things you know hurt the most holy shit

please Carson is so sweet and understanding and telling her he’s proud of her is making me cry so much I can barely see

this whole like.. uncomfortable but relief-filled kind of coming out between her and Carson is so so beautifully done I can’t stop fucking crying

“God, you two were agony to watch.”  fglkdfgkjdfhkjgh Carson a voice of the people

“You deserve to be happy.” - Carson and also me and also everyone reading this

god he is so wonderful!!!!!! this reminder that she’s not alone and everything will be ok!!!!!!! Carson I love you so much

the box being described as “the beating heart of their childhood“ god the imagery

Jamie so sweetly making room for her and welcoming her into a home I am emotional again the tears have really been unlocked now I’m gonna be a mess the whole rest of this chapter (i say as if I haven’t been already)

the really sweet way Jamie gets her to open up and trust her with the things that have been on her mind

and Dani doing the same for her god this gentle honest space between them makes my heart feel so full I am just so happy that they’ve got each other

“I want you to stay.” please (also now I’m thinking about AE putting Stay on her Jamie playlist jesus christ I am being tortured)

they get... to wake up.... in bed together. i’m so close to crying again when will this stop

i kind of love there hasn’t really been any like... just no more kissing u know but we still get this insane intimacy between them in a way that’s not them shying away from the way they want each other but so carefuly and sweetly and honestly coming towards each other

awww them always waking up all tangled is so cuuute (also Dani feeling so safe and comfy with her that her subconscious is like lets latch on she is good she is home)

lmao Dani having to mediate between these two dweebs and their playfights is so good

Jamie having her lil family surrounding her aww

(also i just noticed the rating change oh god)

sfkjfhdg Jamie looking at her hips all dark eyes and wanting we’ve all been there girl

“you can look” BOLD DANI MY BELOVED

god these two........ the grabbing her silver chain god @ google how to breathe properly??????

“Then show me.” oh my god

fkgjhdfkj so much electricity they shorted out the power

“this is just as nice” when they’re just hugging please they are so soft

i love that there’s just like... gentle soft banter between them in these quiet moments so much

“Dani, give him more homework.”  ghrfjkhjgkjgh

god the heated cheek kiss

this ‘game of chicken’ god they’re just.... really in it huh this is so fun

hmmm Dani going through the suitcases and sort of being able to bring some of herself/her past into this new place is so nice

heh this lil family and their snowfights are so cute

:( she can’t bring herself to eat Judy’s food

Jamie bringing her flowers oh soft

ugh they’re just so softly melting into being together it’s so sweeeeeeeet

“You’re lovely.” and the way Jamie just sinks into her with Dani’s fingers in her hair pleeease I am dying this is so warm

aaaahhhh they’re dancing soft soft soft

“gray eyes fluttered closed, as though the weight of Dani’s touch was too much to bear” god i am..... aaaahhhh

“a gentle calm settling within her. It had seemed that for all her life she had waited for the quiet of this” y’all this is so beautiful and lovely and wonderful and all the good things

ah that kiss. kinda feels like their first real kiss where they just get to be god I am so happy “a profound sense of finally” oh oh oh that’s such a pretty concept

god I love how much they just want each other that second kiss and them just all over each other is perfect and having to try and reel that in and being able to because they know it’s not going anywhere please it’s so so good

god Dani vs Desert Hearts I love this callback and the entirely different circumstances of her watching it again

dsjfhdkjfh oh no Dani losing her mind at Jamie touching her knee god these two have got the biggest storm coming

dfkdjhkgdjh god them like.... trying to take things slow but still letting things happen while having to be aware of Mikey is so funny but I kinda love it and how indicative it all is of them being so grown up and able to approach their relationship in such a mature way. as much as I wish they’d had their teenage love story I do like that it’s unfolding this way now.

“it struck Dani then that she couldn’t remember ever laughing while doing this.” aww

Mikey’s “oh gross” hahahaha poor kid

god this is so funny

“ferret kid” jamie why are u like this sfkjhdfkjf

oh lordt it seems we have reached the unabashedly horny phase good show ol’ chaps

god they’re still so soft tho this is so fun to read

i looove how flustered they both make each other w just their presence. it’s just so !!!!!!

lmao Dani knowing exactly what to do to drive Jamie insane is fdkgfdkjgh perfect amazing show stopping more neck kisses more teasing more barely restrained desire i love it

“the reckless rush of being in each other’s arms” AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

lmaooooo Mikey Jamie is going to lock you outside if u keep doing this

the fact it can just fade back to comfortable companionship too is like. ugh i love them together

“Yeah. You can touch me whenever you want.” oh jesus

“No more interruptions, no more waiting, no more holding back.” it’s happening god it’s happening everyone stay calm (also the slow build to this point has been so fucking perfect y’all are writerly geniuses)

lmao Dani is like please can we just get naked why do u want to watch a movie I am literally right here

oh she is not waiting anymore THAT’S MY GIRL GO GET EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER WANTED I LOVE YOU

“What do you want?” god the tension

aaaaahhhhh just. them being so out of their minds with want but still all nervous and wanting to check in but still just. wanting this so much god this is *chef’s kiss*

lmao Dani already having the hair pulling thing figured out is so good. poor Jamie lol is she even going to survive this

god the fact they’re both still fully clothed n still getting this fucked up just making out n grinding on each other I love this for them

mum just came in to tell me dinner is ready I AM ALREADY EATIN GOOD

lmao fuck I am just... so thrilled for Dani finally getting to experience this get ur whole world rocked baby u deserve this

thumb in her mouth i-

“my idiot” pls that’s so soft

“You have me.” i know this is like. horny but it’s also so romantic sfgkjhdfkjg

ayoooo Jamie’s tattoo excuse me while I lose my mind a lil bit

my god Dani is so impatient to get her naked I love her for it so much “I just want to feel you”... ma’am

Jamie being all nervous is so cute aw

god having this lil moment where they just call each other beautiful n get all cute about it while they’re fully naked n grinding on each other.... perfection

god I can’t stop thinking about every other mention of Dani having sex w Eddie and it just being like adequate or like her not letting him touch her and now LOOK AT MY BABY GO SHE’S REALLY HAVIN THE TIME OF HER LIFE LITERALLY BEGGING TO BE TOUCHED LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO

I feel like I’m like cheering Jamie on rn sfjkghdfkj u guys need anything? some snacks? a condom?? ur doing great!!

Dani crying and thanking her like this is an acceptance speech love that for her

Jamie kissing all over her face aww

I can’t believe this whole chapter is them just getting to fall in love for real

“I want to taste you” i am blushing goddamn Jamie get it

oh my god the dream. she’s literally living out her dreams

“that same focused intensity that could make kingdoms fall” I love that Jamie is just as into getting Dani off as Dani is getting off lmao GOOD FOR THEM

Dani: desperately tryin to get Jamie off. Jamie: are u sure u want to tho??? miss ma’am let the girl touch u already she deserves it (but i do love that she’s always just like.... never wanting to make Dani do anything she doesn’t wholeheartedly want to)

“You sitting here on top of me like this is doing more for me than you can imagine.”  iconic jamie moment

Jamie literally just like.... ‘you can do whatever you want to figure this out’ is so sweet I love her capacity for just. giving herself over to Dani in every way (not just the horny ones) to let her forge her own path

“It was easy to understand now, the exhilaration of it, why people went crazy for it.” god I love this for her so much everything just falling into place

they’re so soft n comfy together and it’s all just so right and lovely

i love that once they’ve started they basically can’t stop honestly get it girls u deserve all the orgasms

“When did you know?” “Sixteen years.” oof my heart she’s known the whole time aaahhhh. all these lil memories god it really was all out of love I could cry. and Jamie admitting the scarf/scar thing whew she really carried around that moment on her face for the whole world to see (also lol at Dani being so fixated on it this whole time that’s so perfect)

heh they’re so cute with their lil teasing banter exchange

lol goddamn this so so spicy I am just dfklghfjkdjghkjdf (that is to say well fucking done I can’t even speak rn)

Jamie just being like you could literally just look at me and I am turned on I... love this whole situation for her so much

god they’re really just going all in Dani is getting like the.... lesbian sex speed run amen

oh god not Karen on the phone just hang up Dani do it do it

god she is so evil

omg she told her abt Jamie go off Dani I am v v proud of u right now

and she hung up on her godbless babe i LOVE your audacity

heh Jamie so transfixed by Dani’s lil purple sweater and skirt I love her

Dani u are such a tease sfkgjdfkg good 4 u tbh

awwww she got Dani’s desk for her oh my god that’s so lovely

Dani n Jamie being entirely not subtle over dinner w their lingering glances and Carson just laughing at them fkjghdkfjgh i love it. he’s so happy for them even w his teasing aw

aaahhh i just love Jamie giving her this space and this room in the house and Dani feeling so right in it

oooh an almost “I love you” god they’re just fuckin u-haulin in love perfection huh

and now we’re back to horny hours love this for them. gotta bless that desk somehow huh!?

i love the mentions of all this soft stuff about belonging when they’re about to rail each other it really rounds it out emotionally

“Get on your knees.” OH MY GOD THE JAMIE ON HER KNEES REDEMPTION MOMENT IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING

HELL YEAH IT IS this is truly what we all deserve

oh my god literally ripping her clothes off her fuck i love how desperate they are for each other and just how into this they both are always

dfgkjdfh jesus Dani are u ever going to be able to get work done at this desk again after Jamie does.... all of this to u on it

“Good girl.” the single most powerful sentence in the lesbian language

jesus christ this is still so incredibly steamy sdflkhskhg it never ends. and them like.... experiementing a bit w some different um. approaches? lol good 4 them good 4 them (and us)

my god them instantly getting all soft after about making each other happy please they’re so dang cute

ok love that we are also getting Dani on her knees it’s equality.gif

this little “I like you” “I like you too” confession right now is... so fucking soft and like... after everything they’ve gone through they still have the power to kinda knock each other off their feet w lil things like this huh?? sappy lil shits

oh no Judy I am scared

holy shit Dani “Didn't think you'd love me anymore” owwww my heart

god Judy is such a good mama I love her so much. reassuring her she’s still a part of the family my god I am so emo. she loves her so much

aw I love this lil shared bathroom scene after so many awkward moments w Dani and Eddie in their bathroom and so many mentions of her fogged reflection. things are finally clear and it’s wonderful!!

lol Jamie well if u didn’t want Dani to get all horny u shouldn’t have worn suspenders!!!!! it’s simple math!

god Dani has changed so much this chapter which only takes place over a couple of weeks right?!?!? after so much anxiety and being so unsure of herself this is so fucking beautiful to see

stop the car thing oh my godddd. she doesn’t even care about having her own cause she’s so happy w the person she’s sharing with I’m so overwhelmingly happy

“You’re perfect.” please I will cry this chapter was so perfect (also so are the memes I cackled so much)

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 21

First time reader click here

TWs/SUMMARY: Wanda fluff, Loki fluff, we're getting a whole ass friendship! Dad sucks. The outfits are neat tho! Check the end for a mood board 😍

a/n: dress inspo and aesthetic visuals can be found here, here and here. (Paolo Sebastian, Firefly Path gowns and Viona Ielegems photography).

"Gi-i-irl..." Wanda drawled, seeing me arrive with Tony, both of us freshly showered and still hazy from the amazing orgasms. God only knew what she'd seen in both of our heads - if judging only by the vivid, crimson blush she spouted, it was definitely something very NSFW. Bruce already sat at the dinner table, quietly slurping his soup, his back and shoulders the most relaxed I'd ever seen. He gave me a knowing smile once he noticed my presence in my usual spot by his side.

The rest of the team appeared completely oblivious, preoccupied by their food.

"So, about the party. Got any costume ideas?" I cut straight to the chase, unwilling to wait for Wanda to start asking for details right in front of everyone.

Steve, Bucky, Pietro, Thor and Natasha all answered affirmative, the latter whacking Clint upside the head and firmly stating "no funny business". I couldn't help but wonder what kind of crazy shit the Bird had in mind and was kind of disappointed at Nat's intervention. A good chaotic moment was always worthwhile in my opinion!

The other bird, Sam, approached Bruce with caution as he wondered if the scientist was interested in doing a paired costume with him, only to be interrupted by Tony declaring, with childish glee, he had a "wicked project" that he and Bruce would be doing together. The scientist gave a resigned sigh and apologized.

Sam wasn't deterred by the slight setback; he approached Clint instead and after being given an okay from Natasha, the Birds decided to pair up. As they should, if you'd ask me.

"I have a costume but I need some accessories. Wanda, Lokes, join me on my lil' shopping trip?" I prompted, wanting everybody to be included. I was fully prepared for Loki to scoff and dismiss my invitation but the Asgardian nodded after a second of brief speechlessness. Didn't anyone invite him to birthday parties as a kid? Either way, Thor gave me a grateful smile, like a proper big brother. Both Asgardians had grown visibly closer during the past couple of months which made me hide a secretive smile behind a spoonful of soup.

It turned out, Loki hadn't exactly been introduced to the buzzing beehive that is NYC. He didn't get out much and when he needed to be somewhere, the man simply teleported to the desired destination. As convenient as it must've been, I still expressed my outrage at his lack of experience doing the usual "touristy" things that, in my opinion, every non-newyorker was obligated to do when visiting. Yes, even if said visitor had literally traveled across different galaxies.

Wanda wasn't much better in terms of city knowledge. According to her, she'd lived here for several years already but never bothered to go beyond the borders of the block surrounding the Avengers tower. The witch didn't have friends outside of her teammates (therapy. they all needed so much therapy. y'all...) so she simply saw no point in going anywhere beyond the local mall.

Which was trash. I mean, I loved Hot Topic and Forever 21 as much as any other young adult with depression and anxiety but it was literally impossible to wear clothes made out of cheap cotton and polyester all the time. I'm pretty sure I would have hives and ulcers if I attempted that.

"We're going on Sixth Avenue and that's final. No friend of mine will be wearing shit from Wal-Mart at a Stark party," I interrupted Wanda's defensive stuttering, using my other hand to summon an Uber.

"That is good advice," Loki, previously silent, added in a sweet tone. I counted on the fashionable Asgardian to be on my side and with his schmoozing skills, I didn't even have to drag Wanda inside the car by, like, her hair or whatever. The three of us barely fit into the small Toyota anyway.

A thought struck me when I had to consciously avoid stepping on Loki's leather shoes and keep away my elbow from Wanda's stomach. "Mister? I'll give you a hundred bucks cash if you turn around and drive to this address," I hurriedly rattled off my home address, delighting in the way the driver nearly did a U-turn at the mention of crispy dollar bills.

We arrived home quickly. Wanda gaped in mild disbelief at the size of my house while Loki looked about as interested as he'd ever be. His face was akin to an expression one made while smelling fresh manure. Opening the garage, I was greeted with an unpleasant surprise of my dad's outrageously painted Corvette standing neatly by my white Range Rover.

Loki looked and felt considerably less tense in the back of my car. The subtle signs of discomfort all but left his face replaced by slight wonder as I explained how to adjust the temperature and turn on the heated seats.

Dad met us at the gates. "You didn't come in to say hello," He pouted. His breath reeked like a five-day drinking binge hangover and he looked a dead man.

"We're in a hurry, dad. There's a lot to be done," I replied curtly, hoping to get rid of him fast. I hated being sober around my drunk father. My fingers twitched on the steering wheel.

"You're like your mother, always busy," Dad's laugh was coarse and bitter. "But at least you find time for Stark and his friends. That'll do your future real good," He clapped once on the hood of my car, heading back to the house with a wave of his hand, just in time to miss the disgusted shudder that ran through me.

I knew my dad well enough to understand the implications of what he meant by his words. In his world, fucking way up to the top was considered the norm. I'd rather cut off my own foot than use Tony that way.

"Sorry you had to see that. I thought he was still in Cali," I gritted my teeth, pulling out of the driveway.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that. I have no kind words regarding your father," Loki's look was sympathetic in the rearview mirror.

"Or your mother," Wanda added, messing with her seatbelt. Loki nodded tersely.

"Aight, aight," I sighed, set on improving the mood. "Let's not poop this party. We're getting some absolutely delicious beverages and wasting my money on outrageous pretty things. My treat."

Wanda's protests were drowned out by Motorhead and Loki's grumbling was overshadowed by Guns'n'Roses. Their resistance didn't stand a chance. Few blocks out, the witch was singing along to November Rain, heavily accented and terribly off-key, and the Asgardian watched New York city intently behind the protection of the tinted rear windows of my ride. He seemed mesmerized by the crowds and the variety of colorful shop fronts. This was the the one and only reason I eased off the gas pedal and drove the speed limit for once.

The atmosphere was, well, magical. Looking at my two companions, I discovered the familiar city anew with every question they asked, every remark they made. The desire to ask in turn about their homelands melted like the tension I was harbouring after the run-in with my father. Content and warm, I had my attention divided between Loki and Wanda juggling their wonder back-and-forth between themselves and the absolutely crazy NYC traffic.

So what if I parked in a no-parking zone just to get us the most delicious coffee in the city? Loki, the resident tea person, ordered himself something unpronounceable, something that made the barista twitch. Wanda got a sugary-sounding vanilla-white chocolate perversion. I just got a mocha, having had outgrown my adolescent desires to experiment with "how sweet can I make this coffee before I literally puke?" beverages.

With a laugh, I instructed them to pose in front of the nearest reflective surface to brag about our coffees on Instagram - this café deserved more recognition. My companions reluctantly obliged.

I wonder if the barista realized just who had bought the coffee - Loki was quite a media darling when it came to fangirls. Tony's PR team did a wonderful job on the Asgardian's redemption arc. The trickster only fueled the utter devotion his fangirls had for him by being extra nice and charming in every video I've seen. I guess you can't out-mindcontrol manners outta somebody, he was raised a prince after all.

It wasn't raining but the autumn chill seeped into the tiny spaces between my layers of clothing. I already managed to regret my fashionable dark academia inspired outfit at least twice, however the matching vibe all three of us had was positively dashing. Loki, wearing his usual onyx black and dark green. Wanda with a burgundy sweater dress and thigh high platformed boots - sweater dresses, out of all things, had no business looking this good on anybody. But she pulled it off.

"You said you've got a costume. Mind sharing what it is?" The witch said, curiously peeking into the windows of a nearby vintage boutique as we took our leisurely stroll with steaming paper cups keeping our fingers warm.

"A fairy dress. It was custom made for me last year and I actually didn't get to wear it. I need some jewelry to go with it," I explained, stopping to show a photo of the dress on my smartphone. "And some shoes, too. Let's hope the party will be held completely indoors, otherwise I'll freeze my ass off."

"Custom made?" Wanda squeaked, looking at the garment in wonder. Loki gave a vaguely approving nod.

"Yeah, there's a company that makes these fantasy dresses. You want one? What did you have in mind for your costume anyway?" I switched the topic quickly, seeing how Wanda withdrew into herself slightly. I heard from Peter she grew up poor, in the middle of a war and I didn't want to make her feel bad or anything. I wasn't good at these things...

"I thought maybe I could match with you," She replied, slowly taking a sip of her coffee.

"Sure. There are a couple of shops with really cute dresses that fit the aesthetic." Marchesa. We need a Marchesa store. And a Zuhair Murad - if there was one on this stretch of road. "What about you, Lokes? Anything in particular strike your fancy?" I asked our silent companion, frantically googling the information I needed.

"Black," He answered moodily.

"Boo, you whore," I rolled my eyes at his scoff. We had watched the Mean Girls recently and he got the reference, immediately raising a sarcastic eyebrow. "You know, you could do so much with this pale aristocratic look you've got going on. How about a medieval vampire?"

"Like Lestat? He's fucking hot," Wanda and I understood each other promptly. She jumped on the bandwagon immediately.

Combining my blunt honesty and her adorable fawning over a fictional bloodsucker, we managed to convince Loki into going on a hunt for brocaded, velvet suits and blouses with ruffles for his look. The trickster revolted at the mere suggestion of procuring some fake fangs, instead magically making them appear and showing them off in the middle of the crowded sidewalk, much to my and Wanda's delighted shrieking. He looked, I daresay, very attractive, like a porcelain figurine. Delicate but dangerous.

We arrived at the store that showcased beautiful, airy dresses of silk, chiffon and tulle. The lace was delicate and the seams invisible. I ushered Wanda into a dressing room with a shop attendant that was quietly but strictly instructed to not discuss the cost of the dresses and hide the price tags.

"I want it to be a gift. My friend here deserves no less than a magical experience," I explained quietly, winking at a bewildered Loki.

"Why did you do that?" He asked once Wanda was given a selection of several dresses in flattering colours and led into a separate dressing room.

"These dresses, they're special so they're a bit pricey. And knowing Wanda, she'll make a scene and refuse to let me buy them for her," I idly twirled my phone in my hands. "But every girl wants to be a princess and it's kinda sad she never got to be one. It's more than just a dress, it's more than feeling pretty, although it's a big part of it. She'll feel on top of the world."

Loki nodded. I'm certain he didn't understand it - being a man and all - and I wasn't sure I understood it completely, too. I never lacked pretty or expensive things, always got whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. But for a moment, I thought how it must've been for Wanda - seeing all these girls on TV, looking like pictures - and never having the chance to experience that. A concept that made me so sad, I was tempted to ask the customer service person for a glass of scotch. Being poor sounded depressing as hell.

Suddenly, Loki's cool, large hand landed on mine. "Thank you. I am certain Wanda will be the most beautiful lady at the ball."

I stared at him. Loki understood.

"Well, I... I don't know how finicky you are on gender labels for clothes, but there were a couple of blouses you might want to check out. They've got the neck ruffles and shit." My throat suddenly seized up and I had to clear it before speaking, steering away from the uncomfortably emotional moment. Thankfully, Loki wandered off without as much as a word.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

& the promised aesthetic