#anyways the album is fine i like she a wolf and new ride the best 🤷

[sanstropfremir]

What did you think of WayV's Give Me That? I don't think I saw you talk about it, but maybe I missed it. Personally i didn't like it as much as their previous cbs. It was enjoyable but not special, felt like a concept any number of bg could've done. I want their epic feel back! The Japan debut teasers seem to hint at that. Actually, those teasers remind me of an old ask you got about them looking expensive, they look so good that nobody is even complaining about the passport photo background lol

(SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE) GIVE ME BACK MY EXPENSIVE LUXURY TECHNO BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!

no i haven't talked about it, but in fairness i haven't talked about anything much this year since the full time job is full time jobbing. didn't care for give me that tbh; thought the styling was boring and disconnected from any tangible concept, and like you said, could have been something done by any bg (and has in fact been done by several bgs this year already). we are so far from see the v i want to cry. hendery finally grew into his face and now you're gonna dress him like THAT? hate it here.

[grimelords]

My March playlist is finished! This one is slightly more diverse than usual, swinging all the way from vibraphone jazz to Bhad Bhabie to black metal so I’ve taken the liberty of actually sequencing it properly for you. So if you’ve got 3 hours you can listen to this straight through and be taken for a hell of a ride. No matter what you like I’m sure you’ll find something in here that you love.

Tahiti - Milt Jackson: For an unknown reason I had a big jazz vibraphone phase this month and when you're talking jazz vibraphone you're talking the Wizard Of The Vibes himself, Milt Jackson. I feel insane even having an opinion on this but it's a shame that some of the best vibraphone performances were made at a time when the actual recording technology wasn't really there, they all have this very thin quality that I think misses a lot of the great character of the instrument.

Detour - Bill Le Sage: Like compare this from 1971 to Wizard Of The Vibes from 1952, the sounds is miles warmer and gives so much more of the full range and detail of the instrument. I also listened to this song five times in a row when I first heard it, the central refrain is just so fuckin good. Like I said, big vibes vibe and who knows why.

Blowin' The Blues Away - Buddy Rich And His Sextet: Superhuman playing aside, it's unbelievable how good these drums sound. The whole first minute just feels like a tour of each specific drum and I absolutely revel in it. I feel like flute and vibes is a relatively rare combo so it's extremely nice to hear Sam Most and Mike Manieri go ham in tandem.

Yama Yama - Yamasuki Singers: A friend sent me this song that he's had stuck in his head for ten years ever since it was in a beer ad from the days when beer ads were incredible strange for complicated legal reasons about not showing people enjoying the product or something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORfkh0OojxY and this incredible song is apparently from a 1971 French concept album where a couple of guys wrote a bunch of psychedelic songs in Japanese for an unknown reason that later became a massive drum and bass breaks album, and one of the guys was Thomas Bangalter from Daft Punk's dad! Music is crazy.

Alfonso Muskedunder - Todd Terje: I'm starting a petition to get Todd Terje to write the soundtrack for the next Mario Kart. I absolutely love this song and this whole album because it's so joyful and strange and it just sounds like nothing else I've ever heard. He seem to truly operate in a world entirely of his own.

Pala - Roland Tings: I love this song. It's like he wrote it with normal sounds and then went back and replaced every instrument with the party version. This song hands you a coconut and says welcome to the island where bad vibes are punishable by firing squad.

Keygen 13 - Haze Edit - Dubmood: There's a fucking album of keygen music on spotify and it's absolutely great and so good that someone's doing the work to recognize the value of the music this extremely weird scene produced and preserve it. If you don't know, back in the day when you pirated photoshop or whatever, you would download a license key generator which was a program made by extreme nerds who had cracked the license key algorithm to give you a fake one, and for unknown reasons they would make the keygen program play original chiptune music that someone in their nerd crew would compose. Who knows why but god bless them.

My Moon My Man (Boys Noize Remix) - Feist: The very concept of a Boys Noize remix of My Moon My Man is hilarious and it turns out it sounds absolutely amazing as well. Two great tastes that taste great together.

Low Blows - Meg Mac: I had a big Meg Mac phase this month too, listened to her album a lot and it's extremely solid. Great timing too cause her new one comes out in a month or so too. I really am excited to hear her next album because she's so good but I've always got this feeling that she hasn't reached her full potential yet, she's only going to get a million times better in an album or two.

Patience - Tame Impala: I love that the cover of this single is a pic of congas because it feels like that's the central thesis here. Kevin Parker bought some congas and is making disco Tame Impala now and I really couldn't be happier about it.

Unconditional (feat. Kitten) - Touch Sensitive: I love a 90s throwback done with love. There's nothing cynical or ironic about this it's just fun as hell!

Last Hurrah - Bebe Rexha: Get a fucking load of this Bebe Rexha song that interpolates Buy U A Drank by T-Pain for the chorus! It's a testament to how good that song is that she's using the verse melody as the chorus. T-Pain will quite literally never get the respect he deserves. Also this song goes for 2.5 minutes. There's something happening where pop songwriting is getting more and more compact, completely trimming the fat and ornamentation and it's very interesting.

Hi Bich - Bad Bhabie: Also I'm fully six months late on Hi Bich but I'm of the opinion that it's extremely fucking good. A perfect little reaction gif of a song and it only goes for 1m45!

Friends - Flume: I'm doubling down on my thesis about emo rap from last month but this song literally sounds like a Flume remix of a Hawthorne Heights song. The whole melody of it, the overlapping yelled/clean vocals. The lyrics obviously. I don't know it's just very odd how close it is. A sort of emo trojan horse to trick people into thinking The Used are cool again. 

How To Build A Relationship (feat. JPEGMAFIA) - Flume: I've been meaning to check out JPEGMAFIA (AKA Buttermilk Jesus AKA DJ Half-Court Violation AKA Lil' World Cup) for a while but this is the song that convinced me. There's just so much to digest in this. Every line is gold and delivered with massive conviction even when he realises it's total nonsense like 'dont call me unless I gave you my number'.

Bells & Circles (feat. Iggy Pop) - Underworld: Underworld alive 2019?? I love this song becuase Iggy Pop has been riding a fine line between punk provocateur and old man yells at cloud for a while now and this song is the perfect mix of both. You can't hijack airplanes and redirect them to cuba anymore and as a result it's over for liberal democracies. Just yelling about air travel for six minutes and it's good.

Guns Blazing (Drums Of Death Pt. 1) - UNKLE: This beat is some of my favourite DJ Shadow work I think. The menacing organ bass throughout, and especially the distorted drum freakout near the end. It's just great all the way through.

Homo Deus IV - Deantoni Parks: Another Deantoni Parks track like I was raving about last month. This whole album is great and flows together as a single piece of work amazingly. I love the purposefully limited sample palette of each track forcing an evolving groove throughout. He absolutely wrings every bit of variation he can get out of every single sound he uses and once you get into the groove of it it's absolutely mind blowing.

Boredom - The Drones: I love that The Drones can write a song about joining ISIS that's also a lot of fun. Spelling out radicalization in a way anyone can understand and sympathise with and then switching it in the second verse to spell out how we got into this situation anyway. 

Loinclothing - Hunters And Collectors: I love how much this song sounds like a voodoo celebration in christian hell.

The Fun Machine Took A Shit And Died - Queens Of The Stone Age: There's a good bit on the live dvd they put out after Lullabies To Paralyze where they play this song and they say it was supposed to be on the album but somebody stole the master recordings from the studio, which is an incredible and brazen crime. Then when they put it out on Era Vulgaris as a bonus track Josh Homme said in an interview "The tapes got lost. Actually, they were just at another studio, but we falsely accused everyone in the world of theft" which is extremely funny. This is really one of their best songs and I sort of really with it had been on Lullabies because it fits perfectly between The Blood Is Love and Someone's In The Wolf type of vibes, I love how it just kind of keeps shifting ideas and riffs throughout. An absolute jam overflowing with ideas.

10AM Automatic - The Black Keys: This song is an all time great in my opinion. It's so straightforward and so effective. I wonder if we'll get a blues rock revival ever or if Jack White still being alive and bad is souring everyone on that idea. This song also has one of my favourite guitar sounds in history I think - the outrageously huge sounding solo that comes out of nowhere and swallows up the rest of the mix like a swirling black hole near the end.

Gamma Knife - King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: I've never gotten much into King Gizzard and because of their one million albums already it's hard to know where to start but I've been listening to Nonagon Infinity a bit and it's great, it's just good old fashioned 70s prog jams front to back.

Gina Works At Hearts - DZ Deathrays: I absolutely love this song and I absolutely love the second guitar sound in the chorus of this song that sounds like it's made out of thin steel.

Black Brick - Deafheaven: When I saw Deafheaven the other month I was right up the front and it was a life changingly great experience AND they played this new song live for the first time before it went up everywhere like three hours later which was very exciting to be given a sclusie like that. After they finished a guy behind me whispered to his friend "Slayer..." which was very funny to me.

Gemini - Elder: I found this band because one of my Spotify Daily Mixes was all stoner metal for a while, which is a good genre to see all lined up because it'll have Weedeater, Bongripper AND Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats right there in a row for you. Anyway this album is extremely good, the very best kind of stoner metal where it's groovy and fun and has big meaty riffs and ripping big solos and it's extremely easy to listen to three times in a row.

The Paradise Gallows - Inter Arma: My big obsession the past little while has been Inter Arma ever since Stereogum posted The Atavist's Meridian from their new album. It is just so fucking good and I can't believe I've never heard of them before. You know when you find out about an amazing band and then you find out they've been around for nearly ten years and you can't believe everyone in your life has been selfishly hiding them from you?

The Atavist's Meridian - Inter Arma: I think a big part of my enjoyment of this band has also been that I discovered them at the same time as I'm listening to an audiobook of the complete Conan The Barbarian omnibus so I'm very much in the brain space for music that sounds like it would be nice to swing an axe to.

Untoward Evocation - Impetuous Ritual: I love how halfway through this kind of just turns into a big swirling mist of dark sounds. It feels so formless and dark that it could just shake apart and dissipate at any moment and you'd look down to realise your skin is gone.

Eagle On A Pole - Conor Oberst: from Genius: 'In an interview with MTV news, Oberst stated “We were on the bus one day and a friend of ours that travels with us and works for the band kind of came out from the back of the bus and said that first line: ‘Saw an eagle on a pole… I think it was an eagle.’ And then this guy Simon Joyner, who is a great songwriter from Omaha and one of my great friends, he was on tour with us and sitting there and he was like, ‘You know, that’s a great name for a song.’ We kind of had a contest where he wrote a song with that first line, and [then] I did, and a couple of our other friends. We kind of all played them for each other. Simon’s is better than mine, but it is a good line to start a song.” Another version–Mystic Valley Band drummer Jason Boesel’s interpretation–is on the next album, Outer South.' The idea that such a good song has such a braindead origin only makes me love it more.

Lake Marie - John Prine: When I saw John Prine the other month he played this song that I had never heard before and I had to look it up after and now I'm completely obsessed with it. It feels like falling asleep during a movie and missing a critical plot point so the rest doesn't make sense when you wake up but is thrilling nonetheless. Also he absolutely screamed "SHADOWS!!!" when he played it which was a fucking cool thing to see a 72 year old man do.

Little White Dove - Jenny Lewis: The drums on this whole album are absolutely huge for some reason and I love it. My favourite recent sound is in the first chorus where there's a funny little pitch correction noise as she sings 'dove'. It's very strange and very very good.

Locked Up - The Ocean Party: I only found out The Ocean Party existed as they announced their farewell show this month which is a real shame but I'm glad I got to hear of them at all because they're very good. A very good song about that feeling we all know and love: driving for a long long time.

Plain & Sane & Simple Melody - Ted Lucas: I found out about this song from Emma Ruth Rundle's Amoeba Records video and she makes a good point about this whole album sounding like something's gone wrong and it got accidentally pitched down slightly in the recording process. It's unclear if that's what happened or that's just how he sounds but it adds a very softly spooky undercurrent to a very nice song.​ 

listen here

[stupidspaceseven]

feat.

Relationship: Emori/John Murphy

Rating: T

Summary: Murphy’s loner celebrity status means that he’s pretty content to make his own music and mind his own damn business, or so he thinks. But when an interview answer leads to a collaboration with The Dead Zone’s frontwoman Emori Ramiro they’re made to confront the loneliness in their jobs, and how they might rectify it together. 

[A Modern Memori Rock stars!AU based on @diyozas amazing edit]

“So, where do we start with this whole collaboration thing?” It’s the first time she’s sounded fully sold on the idea, and his feet stop their insistent bouncing and settle firmly on the ground.

He scratches his neck. “I’m kinda notorious for being horrible at it,” he says, just to warn her about what she’s getting into. Some selfish part of him has already decided that he’s going to make this work with Emori. They haven’t even finished the meeting and he’s already looking forward to seeing her again, getting to know her determination better.

“I don’t exactly have much experience either,” Emori notes.

“Well you weren’t responsible for the most infamous band breakup in the twenty first century so…”

“You’re really tooting your own horn there. I was personally devastated when One Direction broke up.”

He almost snorts from laughing so hard. “I think we could make something great,” he says, something like butterflies in his stomach, but more promising. Nervous and powerful and threatening to spill out.

[AO3]

Murphy shows up for the Entertainment Weekly interview a half hour early. Punctuality isn’t generally one of his strong suits, but being early means he has time to finish his coffee and get in the right headspace. It’s not that he hates interviews, per say, it’s just that he’s notoriously bad at them; always saying something a bit too asshole-ish or otherwise bad for PR.

But Abby has him under strict orders to behave this time, and while forgoing a filter might be more true to life, it does make Abby’s job two times harder. And despite everything he doesn’t want to be a prick to his manager; she’s good to him.

So he finishes his coffee and constructs neutral answers to the questions he anticipates the interviewer asking. She’s probably hoping for something juicy, considering the interview is supposed to be about Delinquency’s breakup, but it’s been five years; he and Bellamy gave up on hating each other ages ago—you might even say they’re friends now. It’s nowhere near as dramatic as the media likes to think it is. But a bad quote from him could definitely make it seem that way.

He fiddles with the cord of his earbuds, listening to Something to Erase. Most wouldn’t consider it a calming album, what with its themes of abuse and neglect and heavy rock guitar, but it’s an old favorite of his, and its familiarity settles on his shoulders like a warm blanket.

“You’re early,” Bellamy remarks, just at the end of the seventh track, stepping off the elevator along with the interviewer.

“Fuck off,” Murphy says, stuffing his phone and earbuds into the pocket of his jeans, and then turns his attention to the interviewer. She introduces herself as Kara, and seems professional in a harsh and cool way, down to her pressed blouse. Good. He hates the overeager ones.  

They settle down for the interview, him and Bellamy exchanging banter that Kara’s tape recorder eats up, and move on to small talk, easing them in for the bigger questions. The first few are about the breakup: What went wrong? What made it difficult? Do you regret it?

They are all questions Murphy had more or less anticipated. Bellamy takes the brunt of the answers. Quotes their differences in musicality and opinions, along with their hotheads. Says yeah, the change of direction in life was really the hardest. Mentions politely that they couldn’t regret it when they look at where they are now. He talks about what Mbege and Roma are up to, and Murphy feels like a bit of a dick for not knowing about Roma’s new modeling career in Europe or Mbege’s work in producing. His thumb is starting to bleed from behind the corner of the nail he keeps biting down on.

Kara notes all of the responses down with grace, even though something on her face suggests she’d like just a little bit more bite behind the answers. She looks to him for that.

“Do you think you might ever work together again, having a bit more age and perspective?” Kara asks.

“Nah,” Murphy is quick to say. “The whole thing was a failed experiment. We’re friendly again, but we work better apart.”

Kara nods shortly, and looks to Bellamy for confirmation, who agrees easily.

“Yeah, Murphy’s better off doing his own thing. Doesn’t like to answer to anyone.” Bellamy’s mostly teasing but Murphy can’t help but roll his eyes at the answer anyway. It’s not like he’s some anti-social diva, he works with his producers just fine after all, but he supposes being a lone wolf is part of his image now.

“Just in a hypothetical sense,” Kara says, turning back to him, “Who would you pick as an ideal collaborator?”

“An ideal collaborator?” he repeats, stalling for time. There’s a question he wasn’t expecting. He doesn't really pay attention to other musicians outside of listening to their music. In general he wants to know as little about other people as possible and that extends to celebrities who might double as his peers. But one band does come to mind.

"Probably The Dead Zone," he says, itching his nose. He had watched an interview with them on Youtube in between vine compilations one night when he couldn't sleep. He remembers the bands' discomfort at having to sit down with one of the late night Jimmys and seeing himself in Emori's off-color jokes and Otan's resting bitch face. He also remembers nodding along when they talked about their songwriting method, the chaotic writing and scrapping and bursts of inspiration that came at weird times of night. Maybe it's just because he was listening to them before he came for the interview, but in a perfect world he wouldn’t mind sitting down with them and hashing something out. "I mean genre wise we overlap almost completely, and I don’t need to tell you Emori’s vocals are great, she’s completely fucking exceptional." He could never manage to balance harsh syllables and aching crones the way she does, it's kinda amazing the more he thinks about it.

The interviewer is suppressing a smile for some reason as she jots down a few notes. Bellamy is giving him a weird look too, and normally he'd call him out on it, but he knows Kara is itching for some animosity to sprout between them, and he's under strict orders to be friendly, so he settles for delivering a questioning tilt of his head. But Bellamy just averts his gaze, still wearing that same smirk.

“The 100 has done a fair few collaborations, and I’d be happy to work with any of those artists again,” he supplies moving the interview along. It wraps up not too long after that, Kara thanking them ad nauseum and telling them they can expect the article up before the end of the week.

“Want to grab something to eat?” Bellamy asks as they make their way out. It’s an awkward time between lunch and dinner now, but Murphy’s never really been one to turn down food.

There’s a cafe down the street that Bellamy swears up and down is great, and at this weird time it’s mostly empty. The hostess gives them a poorly lit seat near the back.

“So how have you been, really?” Bellamy asks once they have their respective drinks. It’s Murphy’s third coffee of the day, but it’s frigid outside and he had slept like shit so he takes scalding gulps as Bellamy warms his hands around his green tea.

“I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe I’m actually doing fine. I’m still riding that post tour rush.”

Bellamy shakes his head. That’s one of the things they had fought over the most when they were still in a band together. Bellamy hadn’t wanted to be on the road for months on end when he had a sister back home, but Murphy lived for movement, for new cities with weird bars and diners, for being miles away from his hometown. It’s still his favorite part of being a performer, even if it gets exhausting.

“So you’re gonna take it easy for a bit?”

“I don’t know what that means,” Murphy jokes, although he’s kinda under orders to be doing just that. Even if he has two notebooks full of mismatched chords and fragmented lyrics waiting to be stitched together. Abby’s certain that he’s gonna burn out if all he does is churn out music, but he knows it’s the opposite. Sitting still isn’t an option.

“So you’re gonna see if you can make that thing with The Dead Zone pan out?” Bellamy says, finally taking a sip of his drink.

“That was just a hypothetical,” Murphy says with half an eye roll.

“Seemed pretty sincere to me.”

“I mean, if it were on the table, sure,” Murphy says, setting down his empty coffee cup. “But I don’t know the band at all, I just think their music is good.”

“I just think it would be good for you to work with other people—” Murphy rolls his eyes again. “—so you can make some friends in the industry. Lay down some roots, start to feel a part of something. You don’t have to be a loner.”

“I’m twenty fucking six, Bellamy, you can stop mothering me any time now.” Murphy crosses his arms. He has enough friends: Bellamy and Raven. Clarke, if he feels like putting up with her. It’s more than he had in high school. And generally speaking he’s pretty happy, the anger issues are in check, and he’s making more money than 16 year old him could imagine. If he wants to stay in his lane and mostly out of the public eye then that’s his prerogative.

“It’s just an idea,” Bellamy shrugs.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Murphy moves through the obligatory questions about Bellamy’s life and work. Of course he’s doing great, and Murphy really does his level best at caring. But soon enough the conversation fizzles and Murphy slaps down a few dollars for the coffee and slinks out of the cafe.

There’s a voicemail from Abby that he missed and he sends her and Jackson, his overly calm PR guy, a text letting them know that he didn’t fuck up the interview.

When he gets home he slumps on his couch and half-watches reruns of Mythbusters. His head is somewhere between buzzed with caffeine and mindless from exhaustion and it makes him answer Abby’s follow up texts more sharply than really necessary. Or maybe it’s the conversation with Bellamy that’s irritating enough to start a headache. He hates that all these years have passed and Bellamy can still take a hammer directly to all these things inside him he likes to keep in the corners.

He wakes up in the dark on his couch at half past two in the morning with a drum solo beating against the back of his eyes and no memory of falling asleep. An infomercial for exercise equipment blinks across the TV and a blonde woman blabbers on about self improvement before he snaps it off and trudges to his room.

His narrow bed is far more comfortable but it also invites dreams about vinegary wine and leather couches and the same video always on repeat. In the morning they taste like loneliness in his mouth.

He doesn’t go to the studio at all that week, per Abby’s wishes, but he hardly moves away from the keyboard at his place either. There’s a bassline that he finally straightens out, and he spends several hours too many trying to find the right synonym for stillness before scrapping an entire verse. Friday sneaks up on him, and he probably would have forgotten that the article was coming out if Abby hadn’t emailed it to him with a quick nod to his ‘interesting answers’ and a reminder to check his twitter.

If it was up to him he’d be a ghost a social media, mostly because of the whole ‘social’ part, but as someone who has miraculously achieved a modicum of fame in this day and age it’s a bit of a necessity. He could have Jackson run it for him, but that would mean turning his public image over to someone else, a thought that leaves an itch at the back of his neck. And as far as he can tell no one else would be able to pull off the right level of snark anyway.

His notifications are always off though. He really doesn’t need to see tweets about fans wanting to suck his toes, or whatever. But today it seems like everyone is more concerned with the admittedly well written EW article.

Or more concerned with his quotes from the EW article taken out of context. For some reason him liking The Dead Zone’s music is newsworthy. Even People Magazine hopped on the bandwagon. Figures.

He manages to read ten tweets before his fingers drift to the keyboard.

is there a reason you’re all going into

overload? @deadzoneemori is a great

talent. this isn’t news.

He taps send without much forethought. In part it’s genuine curiosity, but he also wants to make sure the band sees it. Bellamy’s nagging must have been really effective if he’s putting himself out there like this. He puts his phone face down on the coffee table, and decides to make himself some eggs.

The distraction works for the most part, and it’s half an hour later before impatience has him checking his phone again.

Emori Ramiro actually replied.

Don’t worry. I know.

I’m on the phone with our manager. How

serious is this offer?

An anxiety settles into him that he hasn’t felt in years. Like audition nerves, or first date jitters. But he was always good at overcoming those.

dead serious. why not?

He smiles at his own rudimentary word play, and also, maybe, because he feels excited about something. It’s so rare that the future seems full of potential.

Of course it means something a little different to Abby when she calls two hours later.

“You know you’re supposed to give me a heads up before you go off and make plans like that.”

“Come on Abby, it’s a good idea. Right?” There’s a long pause on Abby’s end, her way of saying ‘I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed’ in a manner his own mother wouldn’t even have considered trying to pull off.

“It’s not a bad idea. It’s lucky for you that their manager Sinclair is an old friend of mine and that you work under the same record label.”

“So you think I’ve got this whole collaboration thing in me?” He asks, finally able to stop fidgeting with his sweatshirt strings. Approval isn’t something he generally seeks out, from Abby or anybody else, but he does like when he gets it.

“Of course I think you have it in you, John,” Abby says, “We have a meeting next Saturday.”

So soon. In the industry it seems like things take forever half the time, bogged down by strict schedules and contracts and red tape. His manager is a bit of a miracle worker.

Saturday comes faster than expected, one of the benefits of not having an entirely structured work week. They meet in Sinclair’s office, a modest room that seems far more lived in than Abby’s office. With a single large window that lets in plenty of natural light, and a worn couch against the far wall where the frontwoman of The Dead Zone sits.

Emori Ramiro looks more or less the same as in every music video he’s seen her in, long dark hair, a glint behind her brown eyes like sunlight catching on the sharp side of a knife. He’s always liked her as a musician, but he doesn’t think it would be hard to like her as a person either.

“Hey,” she says, offering her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s-it’s nice to meet you too.” He blinks a few times, shakes his head sharply once in an effort to remind himself that he shouldn’t be noticing how pretty she is.  

He introduces himself to Sinclair instead, only to learn that they’ve met before. Turns out he’s Raven’s manager too, something he should have remembered if Abby’s stern glance is anything to go by. They start into all the technical stuff right away, schedules and contracts and copyright, stuff he does a poor job of processing.

Emori is rocking in her chair opposite him, and when he shoots her a weighted ‘I’m dying of boredom’ glance she mimics it with an actress’s precision. His muted chuckle seems to be enough to motivate her to interrupt Sinclair and Abby’s negotiations.

“We don’t have to figure out anything official yet,” Emori says, “we can just play around, see what we want to commit to?” She looks to him for confirmation.

“Yeah, doesn’t seem right to make big plans now.”

That promptly sets Abby and Sinclair into another back and forth, although a much briefer one. The pair shuffle out of the office a brief moment later, something about moody rockstars on their lips, leaving him and Emori alone.

“Don’t get me wrong I’m really excited to work with you. Meetings are just…” He shakes his head.

“I get the feeling. I think I liked it better when I was doing everything myself, but you get big enough and can’t really book your own gigs anymore.”

“I never did any of that,” he admits, “I’m just impatient.”

“I don’t find that too surprising,” Emori says, coming over to sit next to him. There’s half a second of awkward fidgeting, Emori tugging on the fingers of her winter gloves, before she continues. “Why did you wanna work with us?”

“Because you’re music is great,” he answers, a bit confused by the question.

“No one’s made a serious offer to ever work with us before.”

“You’re shitting me,” he says, sitting up a little straighter, investigating Emori’s face to see if that is indeed the case. “People find you that intimidating?” He asks when he finds no signs of deception.

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Emori actually laughs, but in a bitter, cautious way. Something on his face must demonstrate confusion because she shakes her head in wondered surprise. “You don’t know.”

He feels distinctly like he got off the wrong exit of the highway, he shakes his head slowly.

“I’m a curse,” she says, “Always have been.”

“Seems superstitious,” he says, only to be met with Emori’s knifelike gaze. She’s serious. People don’t carry around knives unless they’re afraid of being hurt. “I don’t follow.”

“You know The Alliance?” She asks after a held pause, referring to a pop-rock group that’s as popular now as it was a decade ago.

“Course, they played the Super Bowl two years ago.”

“Yeah, well they started in the town next to us. We used to play at the same mall, do the same open mic nights. Just ran into each other a lot. I don’t know if me or Otan or Sienna did something to piss them off, or if they just hated the competition, but they’ve had a vendetta against us for years now. And when they went big they had enough influence to essentially get us on a blacklist.”

“That’s...fucked up,” he says. Music shouldn’t be about competition, and he can’t understand why anyone would want to tamper down talent like Emori and her band.  

“Yeah, it was hard to get people to work with us and to gain a following for a couple years, but we got a record deal anyway, so they can suck it.”

“Screw ‘em,” he says with conviction, and Emori seems to soften a bit, her knife sheathed.

She shrugs out of her jacket only now, her scarf and gloves following. Her left hand has a slight deformity to it, her thumb small and awkwardly bent, and fingers long and fused. It’s something he thinks he should’ve noticed before.

“I was born with it like this,” she says, seeing him notice. “First part of the curse. My mom thought I wasn’t worth raising.” He can tell from the way she tucks her hair around her shoulder and neck that there’s more to the story but he doesn’t pry.

“Well screw her in particular. It’s pretty badass.”

Emori chuckles, somewhere between disbelief and amusement. “So, where do we start with this whole collaboration thing?” It’s the first time she’s sounded fully sold on the idea, and his feet stop their insistent bouncing and settle firmly on the ground.

He scratches his neck. “I’m kinda notorious for being horrible at it,” he says, just to warn her about what she’s getting into. Some selfish part of him has already decided that he’s going to make this work with Emori. They haven’t even finished the meeting and he’s already looking forward to seeing her again, getting to know her determination better.

“I don’t exactly have much experience either,” Emori notes.

“Well you weren’t responsible for the most infamous band breakup in the twenty first century so…”

“You’re really tooting your own horn there. I was personally devastated when One Direction broke up.”

He almost snorts from laughing so hard. “I think we could make something great,” he says, something like butterflies in his stomach, but more promising. Nervous and powerful and threatening to spill out.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Emori says, fishing out her phone. They exchange numbers, with plans to reconvene with fresh ideas somewhere more comfortable. It’s a particular torture an hour later when he’s lying on his couch staring at her contact information. Can he text her now? It’s only been an hour, and he doesn’t want to be pushy or insistent, he vaguely remembers something about a three day waiting period until it occurs to him that that rule is about dating. At risk of getting lost in his own head, he buckles and sends her a short message.

She replies quickly and eagerly, if the number of exclamation points is anything to go by, and it does a lot to dissuade his worries. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with coming over to his place, and once the plans are set the conversation turns away from the professional. They complain about New York construction and list their favorite places to get coffee and the banter is so easy Murphy doesn’t realize two hours have passed till Emori mentions that she has dinner plans.

They say their goodbyes and then he tucks his phone away to make his own meal. Chopping onions does little to distract him from thinking about Emori or the plucking feeling in his chest.

The next day she sends him a Delinquency tag yourself meme with no context other than a caption reading ‘I’m you.’ He laughs at the offbeat descriptions, Bellamy’s in particular, but ultimately has to agree that it’s accurate enough for him to claim his description for himself. It’s a deep dive into google images for him to find a decent Dead Zone version only for it to spark debate between them about if Emori can rightfully tag herself as ‘Emu’.  

The day before she comes over he spends undue amounts of time face down in his pillow explaining to himself all the reasons why nothing is going to happen between them. They’re going to hang out and write a fucking awesome song together and he is not going to catch feelings.

The pep talk is more or less futile.

“Just the two of us?” He asks, ushering her inside the next day.

“You just get me, sorry,” Emori says making herself comfortable. “I basically do all the writing for the band, nowadays.” She spends a lot of time getting her guitar out after that, too long really. He considers not questioning her about it, normally he wouldn’t, but if they want this song to be any good they’ll have to get to know one another a bit.

“Why is that?” When Emori returns with a confused look he corrects himself. “Why are you the only one writing the music?”

“Oh.” She’s tuning the guitar know, ear turned to the strings. “The first album was all songs me and Otan wrote together growing up, before we got the record deal. We were really close back then. Now though-” she shrugs, “-we don’t have the same ideas about things as we used to.”

“I guess that makes sense,” he says, an offer at condolence. He’s never been good at understanding the whole sibling thing.

“I think it’ll be nice working with another person again.” There’s a nervous lining to that statement, like the alternative is an empty recording booth or to be stuck with just her own thoughts.

“Yeah,” he says, tearing his gaze away from Emori’s hopeful smile. “Speaking of…” He hands her his song-writing notebook. “That’s everything I’ve been working on recently, so you can get an idea. Sorry about my handwriting.”

He scratches his nose as Emori sets the guitar aside and flicks through the notebook. There had been a lot of internal debate about whether he’d show it to her or not. The notion usually left him feeling like a picked open scab, exposed and vulnerable, but as he watches her eyes flick over the musings of his mind it doesn’t feel so bad. She’s serious about it, seems to know it’s a big deal for him. A couple times her mouth will twitch with a smile, like something in it is good, or she’s excited to be able to read it.

“That’s usually how I start,” he says, when he can’t bear the silence anymore. Emori looks up.

“It’s great stuff, John.” He’s so touched by the compliment he doesn’t even register the use of his first name until she starts singing the fragmented lyrics that she’s singled out as her favorites. “‘Due north, a simple instruction/if only I knew how to work a compass.’ I really like the sorta sense of, lost direction. Wandering.”

“Yeah, I don’t really like stillness,” he says, “but one day...I wouldn’t mind stability either.” He can’t believe he just said that. Can something feel like a lie in your head and come out sounding truthful from your mouth?

“Yeah,” Emori says, musing, turning back a few pages, “Like ‘I’m dragging myself to the promised land/it’s more desolate than I imagined’.” She doesn’t sing it like he would, the vowel sounds are longer and all of it less droning. It’s like seeing the lyrics in a mirror’s reflection. He really likes it. “It’s hard to know what to put your faith in.”

“I have no faith,” he says. Emori blinks. She has knowing eyes.  

“Me neither,” then, “That could make a good song.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon debating what sort of themes they want to work with, taking some of his lyrics and some they come up with together and trying to make them work. They agree to put loneliness at the center, focus on the ways in manifests and how they try and fail to combat it. It’s a start, and one with potential, even if they’re not yet positive what sort of beat it’s going to fall on.

She comes over again the next day so they can keep the momentum going. He hadn’t realized it was snowing until he saw the flecks of white in her dark hair.

“You cold?” he asks, taking her guitar case as she shivers and unlaces her damp boots. “I can get you something to drink.”

They sit on his couch and drink coffee as Emori warms up, somehow managing to talk about everything but their song. He likes to think he has some bizarre touring stories but Emori seems to have him beat at every turn, going into detail about how they got lost in Ohio on their way to Cleveland and ended up camping out in a corn field by sweet talking the farmer who owned it even though he had no clue who they were. In exchange he tells her about the time Jaha, the record’s vice president, had tried to sell him speed at a party once only for Emori to jump in and tell him he’d attempted the same with her.

“Was he high off his ass and trying to tell you that it’d take you to the city of light, or something?” Emori laughs.

“Yeah, I was like, ‘Paris is across the ocean’. I may have also called him dude to his face.” Emori’s laughter has her shoulders rocking to nudge against his. When she collects herself she lets her head lean against the back of the couch and doesn’t move away from the point where they’re touching.

“City of Light,” she says, eyes closed against the brightness of his overhead lighting. “Sounds fake. Like it’s too good to be true.”  

“Like a place you put too much faith into only for it to suck.” There’s an idea in his head that he’s trying to grab with words. Emori perks up, easily catching on.

“I like a good metaphor.”

They move off the couch after that. Hunkered down over the kitchen table they’re able to work out the chorus, one about high expectations that get dragged down. He settles at his keyboard after that, and Emori drags over one of the kitchen chairs, and the two of them play around with chords.

“I thought you were a drummer originally,” Emori says when they get stuck.

“I started with piano, actually,” he says, considers opening up a little more, and goes for it. “My dad taught me. He was better than I’ll ever be, played recitals and stuff when he was young.”

“He died?” Emori has a perceptive ear, all musicians need one, but rather uniquely hers is able to translate to human observation too.

“He got a shitty conviction and then got killed in prison, yeah.” He plays the gasping bridge of “Flu Season” almost unthinkingly. “Then I learned drums during my rebellious teenage phase.”

Emori’s lips pinch at the tonal change but she goes with the flow.

“You know I wouldn’t have thought that phase ended.” He smiles in gratitude as she continues. “I learned guitar during my rebellious pre-teen phase. One of my foster mothers said that I wouldn’t be able to play because of my hand, so I taught myself out of spite.”

He’s noticed the unique way she holds the frets, only using her two longer fingers, putting down pressure at different points along the digits rather than just the tips. It probably makes for interesting calluses, but it seems to suit her just fine.

“That’s really badass.”   

“I think so too,” she says. “I made Otan learn bass and a couple years later we moved and our neighbor Sienna knew drums and that was history. Did Delinquency really meet in detention?”

“Where did you think the band name came from? We were all unoriginal seventeen year olds with authority problems.”

Emori teases him by playing the main riff from “Whatever the Hell We Want” the band’s biggest hit. It was probably one of two songs on the album he and Bellamy ever really agreed on. He still plays it at shows sometimes.

Their session crumples after that, the pair of them playing or singing over each other until Murphy realizes how hungry he is and goes into the kitchen to make them some quick sandwiches. They talk more over the simple dinner, and even though in the grand scheme of things they didn’t get a whole lot accomplished, it still feels like one of the most productive days he’s had in a long time.  

She comes over one more time before the weekend, and he goes to her place on Monday where he spends nearly two hours perusing her CD collection instead of doing anything productive. They book a studio room on Wednesday to try and work in a more neutral environment and Emori sorts out the song’s rhythm, fast during the verses before a lull in the chorus until it peters out at the end.

On Friday they meet Otan and Sienna at the studio so they can work on the incorporation of their instruments. It’s a grueling couple of hours, but by the end of it they feel almost done; he and Emori agree there’s one missing piece they need to figure out and then they can work towards getting it recorded.

He invites the band over for dinner afterwards, all the lessons about being personable Abby and Jackson have beaten into him over the years making an appearance. But Sienna has a young son at home, and Otan claims to have an outstanding plan to meet up with some friends so it’s just him and Emori.

“Does your brother not like me?” He asks on their way back. “Cause that excuse seemed kinda made up.”

Emori hesitates, and that would be telling if it weren’t for the huff of exasperation that followed. “I think he knew we wanted for it to be just the two of us.” She doesn’t quite look at him until, “Right?”

He considers answering with the more fair and welcoming response but ultimately he agrees with a quiet and telling, “yeah.” For a moment he thinks they may have come to an understanding with one another—they both want it to be just them—and that has to have larger implications, but Emori pushes the conversation forward and he has to tuck the thought away.

“So what’s for dinner?”

“Stir fry,” he says, and then has to go into a lengthy tirade when Emori questions his cooking skills. But she helps him chop vegetables against her doubts, and seeing her working in his kitchen, sneaking M&Ms from the bag in the cupboard and singing under her breath to the playlist they made earlier in the week, has him feeling warm in a way that has nothing to do with the stove.

“Ok I take it back,” she says once they’ve tucked in. “I guess I’m going to have to make you cook for me more.”

“Anytime,” he says with sincerity. Emori smiles, in that soft, surprised way she sometimes has and it doesn’t fall off her face even as they drift to talking about the session and then to a prank Emori had pulled on Otan a couple months ago and then of course Murphy has to explain the classwide prank war that happened his senior year and they end up lingering at the table long after their food is finished.

Doing the dishes is a slow process, even considering the small number of plates. And it’s not that Emori is particularly bothered with seeing her face shine in the ceramic, if anything she wants to stay longer, judging by the small steps she takes about the kitchen, making sure there’s no rush.

“You, uh, wanna watch a movie or something?” He offers, because it’s not like he wants her to leave either. “I don’t have much in the way of desserts, but…”

Emori accepts readily, and they settle on his couch half watching The Goonies as they attempt to throw M&Ms into each other’s mouths.

“Can I come over tomorrow?” Emori asks when all the chocolate has been eaten and the credits are rolling. “To finish the song,” she adds after a beat.

“‘Course,” he says, fighting the urge to play with her hair like he has been for most of the night.

“I have a meeting in the afternoon, but I’m free in the evening,” Emori says getting to her feet with tired effort. He follows her to his door. “Thanks for dinner, John,” Emori says, then steps forward to give him a hug. It’s a long hug, longer than it needs to be, tight and warm and comfortable. He learns that his chin rests perfectly on her shoulder.

“Goodnight,” she says as she slips out of his place, leaving him standing in his living room with a pounding heart and the thought that they’re both probably fucked.

She texts him the next day around five thirty telling him not to eat because she’s bringing takeout. She arrives forty five minutes later with a still warm pizza and a smile.

“Since you cooked last night,” she explains as they settle at his kitchen table, eating as they look over their notes and playback the preliminary recording Emori has on her tape recorder.

“I don’t think it’s a music problem,” he says around his third slice of pizza, after they’ve mulled in silence for a while, “I think it’s a lyric problem.”

“Yeah,” Emori agrees, scratching her brow, “I think the message got lost, or changed, somewhere along the line.”

Murphy flips to the front of the notebook, the new one he started just for this collaboration, and glances over the list of ideas they made.

faith (non religious)

optimism/pessimism

how to achieve ideals?

abandonment

loneliness

physically & metaphysically lost

discovery, leading to neg. consequences

Emori points to the fourth item. “I don’t think abandonment fits.”

He rests the point of the pencil next to the word, considering what she’s saying. It’s inclusion had been Emori’s idea originally.

“I think it’s important though,” he says, “It’s what’s contributing to the feeling of being lost, being alone.”

“But that’s more of the prelude,” Emori says, “The backstory of the song. Sure, the loneliness was fueled by abandonment, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Maybe it’s not lonely at all. You could still be trying to find something—the city of light—with another person.”

Her voice trails off at the end, like she’s not even sure if she’s convinced herself of the argument.

“So we make it more concise,” he suggests, “We don’t need to paint the entire experience, just one moment.” He crosses out abandonment and loneliness, to see where that leaves them. “Maybe it’s about being afraid to put your faith in something new. Feeling lost about what to do.”

“I like that,” Emori says, after a held moment of consideration. “Sort of being afraid of the future because of potential disappointment but wanting to live it anyways.”

“Okay,” he breathes, “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

Except they don’t make anymore progress that night. Emori, despite her numerous near convincing arguments, is very tired from her day and can’t be made to focus.

They text back and forth the next day, suggesting lyrical changes they can make, sometimes a single line, sometimes more. The amounts to which they agree vary widely, and Murphy thinks it has to do with the way the words look in blue speech bubbles—it’s just not productive.

He suggests that they sleep on it, his brain feels picked clean, and he can’t see how Emori is doing any better. She agrees, but even over text he can sense her hesitation. And the same feeling duels in himself, the satisfaction of finishing the song combatting with the notion of what happens when they’re finished. Emori came into his life out of nowhere, he doesn’t want her slipping out of it in the same way.

Whatever this stage of inbetween is that they’re in, he hates it.

It comes up on Monday, when they’re dissecting the lyrics yet again.

“It just feels like a different song,” Murphy says. It’s the due north lyric, which is already in its third version. He’s near positive it’s impeding the song, but he also knows both he and Emori are too fond of it to scrap it entirely. Besides, a song about going on a fool’s errand holds a lot of potential.

“A different song of ours?” Emori asks, emphasis heavy on the last word.

“Yeah, I think so,” Murphy says. He hadn’t wanted to think about what would happen when they finally got the song nailed down. Part of him thinks Emori would like to spend time with him even when they weren’t working on a project, but now he doesn’t have to risk finding out. “We could do an EP?”

Emori nods, reaches out to squeeze his wrist in excitement, then draws a box around the discarded lyric, as if to indicate they’re packing it away to save for later.

Murphy sleeps late the next day, his dreams oddly calm despite the clear memory of a knife. It makes the time before Emori comes over shorter, filled with updating Abby as to their progress.

She sounds genuinely excited over the phone when he mentions how well it’s been going, and how much he and Emori seem to be meshing as artists, and it gives him new hope that they’ll figure out the song.

Emori is as eager as ever, and after a couple hours they’ve managed to reframe the themes of the song as planned. The song is good, easily one of his favorite pieces, but they still agree that something is just a bit off. Like there is a final piece that will click right into place if they could just find it.

But his voice is strained from singing and it still isn’t fixed.

“Wow it’s dark out,” Emori notes when they’re taking a break.

“Cause the sun sets at like, four thirty this time of year,” he says, marking down a change on his sheet music. Then considers her words. “Oh, do you need to get home?”

“No, I don’t have anywhere else to be,” Emori says, “And I want to be here.” He’s selfishly grateful as Emori strums the opening cords, indicating they should start from the top again.

It’s a long night, one that eventually degrades to them lying beside each other on his (thankfully carpeted) floor. His ceiling isn’t anything to look at, but Emori has fun with seeing faces and animals in the spackle.

“It’s a little boy in a meadow,” she says, and he shakes his head because he really has no idea what she’s been saying for this entire conversation. Emori flicks his shoulder, as if it’s his fault that their brains don’t find the exact same patterns in everything. “Too bad he doesn’t have any friends.”

“Oh, I know this piece,” he finally contributes, “John Murphy circa age ten.”

“Did you not have friends growing up?” Emori asks, the playful tiredness morphing into its melancholy cousin.

“Not really.”

“Me neither. Just Otan.” Her head lolls to the side to look at him. “I’ve been missing him recently, we see each other all the time because of work, but it’s not like really seeing each other.”

“Like you’re just going through the motions together?”

“Yeah,” Emori says, picking her head up with a smile. “See, you get me. That’s why I’m so glad we’re working together. Our last album…I felt so alone in it. I’m not used to music being like that.”

For him music has always been a way to pick himself raw. Clawing at feelings inside himself and exposing them so that they might start to heal. But working with Emori, being with her, has added another step, putting a balm on the wound, encouraging it to get better.

“I think...the reason the song isn’t working quite right is because we aren’t the same people we were when we started writing it.”

He expects Emori to mention the mere two and a half weeks they’ve known each other. Instead she says, remembering, “we cut out loneliness.”

He nods, some of his hair sticking up because of the static of it dragging against the carpet. Emori reaches over to brush it back. Her fingers linger around the shell of his ear.

“It’s late,” Emori says, maybe with regret. “I should get going.”

“I’ll call you a car,” he says. The two of them sway while they wait by the door, the long conversations of the day leaving them with silence now, as they make eye contact only to break it, over and over.

He sleeps with restless anticipation, the kind that comes the day before a new discovery one is expecting to have. The morning is rung in with four new messages from Emori that force Murphy to squint at the time stamps.

Emori

ok I know it’s 3am and you’re gonna think im crazy, but I think I cracked City of Light

Emori

On the surface it’s about dashed dreams and faith, like we were talking about

Emori

But really I think it’s about falling in love

Emori

And i KNOW love songs aren’t either of out styles but this works, at least in my head at 3am, I’ll come over tomorrow and we can finally hash it out (and I’ll try to get some sleep before then lol)

He considers the messages while he showers. It might work, he won’t know until she gets here, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to talk to Emori about love for hours on end. He will though. He’ll do it gladly, even.

Emori is at his place by nine, two coffees in hand, and nothing on her face suggesting she got a max of five hours of sleep last night. In fact, she’s smiling.

“So it’s a love song?” He asks once their situated at his kitchen table, coffee gulped down.

“Yeah, think about it,” Emori says, scooching over so she can compare his notebook to the stack of post it notes she brought along. “Falling in love is about opening yourself to vulnerability right? And having faith that the other person will...love you back.”

He nods slowly in dawning understanding, the beat of his pen against the table a churning undercurrent. Three weeks ago he would have claimed to know nothing of love, but he thinks he’s starting to get the idea. “So the City of Light is really a metaphor for love?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. That...makes a lot of sense.” Emori’s eyes are alight with the thrum of victory, and she doesn’t seem able to keep a smile from her lips. “I wouldn’t have thought you had so much love insight.”

“It’s sort of a new development,” Emori says, then clears her throat. “So we rewrite the chorus a bit, and maybe slow it down?”

It’s a scramble after that, reaching over each other to write things and then cross them out, holding their breath as the other drums a rhythm against the table or holds a note. They almost trip over each other on the way to the keyboard, where they share the single chair.

But an hour later the song is finished. When they sing it for the first time, it doesn’t come out the way it’s meant to be sang. Softer than it might ever be again.

Hide and wait or risk the stakes

I’ve never been one to take the bait

Of an even score or a glittering shore

I’m more comfortable in this zone of war

It was the end of it all when an old man told me

At the horizon is where you start your story

So I dragged myself to the promised land

It’s more ravaged then I imagined

City of Light, what do you hold?

Chances are I’ll never know

Tell me, why should I go?

There’s reward in the final mile

The upward tick of you pretty smile

And I want to hold you with these hands of mine

But do I have the courage to make us entwine?

I’m like Caesar at the Rubicon

with all the world watching on

To see if I can open my arms

But what if your embrace is too warm?

City of Light, what do you hold?

Chances are I’ll never know

Tell me, why should I go?

Is it a leap of faith if I’ve got nothing better to do?

You whisper in my ear

It is when it’s you

It’s you

It’s you

Emori’s voice seems to shiver on the final note, her gaze fixed on him as his fingers relax over the keys. Her eyes are wide and her mouth parted as she takes steadying breaths. There’s a feeling in him like crying, or laughter, emotion so strong it has to spill from his body. He presses it into Emori’s lips instead.

Her mouth falls open as she kisses him back, her breath shuttering until the arm wrapped around his shoulder pulls him closer. Her waist is warm under her shirt, where his hands rest; it’s been so long since he’s kissed someone he had forgotten how comfortable it can be. How happy it can make him. Although maybe that’s just because it’s her.

He pulls away so he can tell her, stopping only to kiss her cheek.

“I have feelings for you,” is what he manages to say.

“Really?” Emori laughs, and he almost can’t believe she’s being sarcastic right now, except he knows it’s exactly why he’s falling for her. “Me too,” she says, more sincere, “I couldn’t sleep last night because I was thinking about you, and that’s what finally made the song click.”

He had suspected that Emori felt the same way, but the confirmation in conjunction with the kiss has his heart pounding. “I love it,” he says, “the song.”

Emori laughs as she nods and then kisses him again.

[a-toast-to-my-real-friends]

LOVER RANKINGS

Alright, y’all may or may not know, I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Chad Willard posted his Rankings and Reasons for her newest album, Lover, and it inspired me to do the same. So, for the two of you who care about my personal Taylor opinions: here they are.

I haven’t sat with Lover long enough yet to really figure out where I am with it. Speak Now is my peak Taylor Swift album. I love the honesty and vulnerability on all those songs. My emotions oftentimes seem overwhelming, irrational, and illogical, and I feel like a crazy person because I tell myself, “Johnathan, you shouldn’t feel this way, so and so hasn’t done anything wrong, if anybody knew you were THIS upset about THIS situation, they’d all laugh and tell you to relax and calm down and that you were acting crazy.” And oh buddy, if I weren’t acting crazy before, best believe I’d act crazy after.

Speak Now makes me feel like it’s OK to be overwhelmed by my feelings, and Taylor does such a great job of saying exactly how I feel.

So I say all that to say, I’ll probably compare every Taylor album to Speak Now. Does Lover make me feel the same way Speak Now does? Yes and no.

I like Lover a lot. To be fair, I have listened more to the first half than the last, only because by the time I get to  “Death By a Thousand Cuts” I want to go back and listen to “I Forgot that You Existed” again. I’m going to agree with what Chad said that Hannah said: “our enjoyment of her songs oftentimes stems from where our current relationship status is.” I’m so happy that Taylor is in such a healthy, great place emotionally, and that she’s so deeply in love – and the songs she’s made are SO GOOD; but I think I’m having a difficult time enjoying them the way I would if I were in a solid, committed, tried and true relationship. I listen to “I think he knows” and “Paper Rings” and “Lover” and instead of being all glowy and glittery I just feel – sad, I guess. Which maybe explains why I like Speak Now so much, because a lot of those are sad and Overwhelmingly Emotional.

Anyway, TO THE RANKINGS!

18: False God. I just think it’s sonically boring. It’s not fun to sing along to, and the lyrics don’t do enough for me to raise it any higher. I’m gonna give it a little bit longer, maybe it’ll eventually grow on me, but it’s dangerously close to becoming a skip.

17: Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. I’m going to get dragged for this, but it’s got the same chord progression as “So it Goes” from REPUTATION, and tbh, that one is a skip for me too. Maybe I’m not deep enough or politically educated enough to see all the brilliance behind it, but I’ll give it points for the line “It’s you and me, that’s my whole world,” though.

16: It’s Nice To Have a Friend: Meh. This just seems like a list of unrelated things she’s done with Joe. Again, maybe I’m not deep enough to understand the brilliance, but what is she trying to say? And the song is so repetitive, it doesn’t keep my interest. All this snow, ya know?

15: The Man. It’s a fun song, good beats, fun to sing along to. But as a white male, the content is unrelatable to me. Which is the point, I suppose. The song isn’t meant for me. I appreciate it, for sure, and I think it’s important, but I just don’t feel the way she feels, so it’s just strange to sing along to it. I don’t wonder if I’d get there faster if I was a man, because I am a man.

14: Soon You’ll Get Better. OK, I LOVE this song, to be clear. It’s so sad, so relatable, so pretty to listen to. Hello Dixie Chicks, glad to have you back. I cried the first time I heard it, because I’ve followed along with her mom’s struggle with cancer, and I’ve two really close friends who have lost parents recently to sickness, and the thought of them feeling this way just breaks my heart. The only reason it’s so low on my list is because I like the other songs so much. Here’s where it starts to get difficult for me.

13: London Boy. This one is a lot of fun, it’s fun to sing along to, and I like the fast rappy bridge. Gotta work on getting those lyrics down. I also like the small details about the steps that we all take in relationships, specifically meeting all of his best mates and listening to his stories from uni.

12: ME!. Brendon Urie come through with those vocals. I think I’m a little biased towards this one, just because of the video, and the excitement that always surrounds a new Taylor era. It was the first thing we saw post REPUTATION era, snakes into butterflies, all the bright colors in the video, the peppy catchy chorus. I also strongly relate to “I know that I’m a handful baby…but I promise that nobody’s gonna love you like me.”

11: Daylight. Highly relatable content here. I always say Taylor knows exactly where I am and what I’m going through. Speak Now, I was living in New York, struggling in every aspect, and spent a lot of that era feeling pretty lonely and crazy, broken, losing friends and missing them but not knowing how to say any of that to them. Red was a carry-over. 1989 I had moved to Orlando, was living in the Wolf Den with a bunch of doods that I loved, everything felt neon and electric and exciting. Reputation I had been kicked out of my house and betrayed and felt very snake like, unforgiving, and hard-hearted. And February of this year, I moved into a house I had found, picked amazing people to move in with, and felt in control of my life again. And if you happen to follow Taylor culture, that’s the same month she posted the picture with the seven palm trees to her instagam, which kicked off the whole Lover era. I say all that to say, it was time for me to step into the daylight and let it all go. To be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, or haunt me in the middle of the night. I only want to see daylight and think of that that special person, you know?

10: Afterglow. Hello Speak Now. It’s all me, in my head. I’m the one that burned us down, but it’s not what I meant. I don’t want to do this to you, and I don’t want to lose this with you. It’s the perfect example, IMHO, of unconditional love. Here’s all my crazy. Here’s all my insecurities. They’re going to rear their ugly head, will you please love me even with those? Here’s what I need from you in those moments of temporary emotional insanity: Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind. Tell me that I'm all you want even when I break your heart. And when you do that, I’ll say “I’m sorry that I hurt you.” What a beautiful picture of loving and being loved in return.

9: You Need To Calm Down. I dunno how closely y’all follow my antics on Facebook, but when this video dropped, I casually posted it because I liked the message. As a believer in Christ, I feel the Christian community has done a HORRIFIC job of loving the LBGTQ community, and my simple post BLEW UP, proving my point. Sidebar, I also link the first listen of this song to being in Toy Story Land with Topher, Jessica, and Leslie, huddling around my phone under the giant Christmas lights for our second dive into New Taylor.

8: Paper Rings. Ok now it’s starting to get super hard narrowing it down. We’ve entered my True Jams™ section. The only reason this is at the bottom of my True Jams™ section is because I ain’t in love like this, so where I want to feel like glitter is exploding inside of me, I just feel like dried glue the glitter was meant to stick to. I love how deeply personal it is, I love the specificity, and the song is a BOP. Standout lyrics: “I’m with you even if it makes me blue,” and “I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays…”

7: I Think He Knows. A Bop. Fun. Sexy. Coy and flirtatious, while also owning her power. The rappy bits. I’ve never felt a longing for somebody’s body just by the way they hold a cold glass, but boy, does this song make me want to. What specifics, what detail. Also – “I want you, bless my soul.” HONESTLY. BLESS IT LORD.

6: The Archer. Giving me those Speak Now vibes. All my heroes die alone – I jumped from the train, I ride off alone. The LONGING. The wanting to be wanted. Knowing you’re good enough, knowing you have a lot to offer – but also knowing that it’s so much that maybe nobody can handle it all. I’ve got so much to offer, who could ever leave me? I’m too much to handle – god, who could put up with all of it?

5: Cornelia Street. My God can I relate to this. I’m ALWAYS looking for the ending, for someone I love to tell me they’re leaving because being with me is too much. I always prepare for the worst case scenario. And only recently have I started to believe that maybe the worst case won’t always happen? Maybe somebody will stay? But man, my natural impulse, my knee-jerk reaction, will always be to get as far away from any and all memories of the good times. I don’t want to be reminded of the beauty and joy and greatness because it will just keep reminding me that I don’t have it anymore, and there’s nothing I could do to get it back.

4: Death by a Thousand Cuts. Ahhh, yesss, Taylor. Speak to me of being left and of the heartbreak that brings. Also, make it a bop. I constantly find myself looking through the boarded up windows of past relationships, and I see the chandelier still flickering and see all the beautiful moments, though they may have lost the radiance they once had. Saying goodbye is the worst, endings are the worst, new beginnings mean something else ended stale. Also being given up like I was a bad drug – reminds me of a line from “Better Man”: “You pushed my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun.” Pure Taylor and I’m here for it.

3: I Forgot that You Existed. On repeat. Will dance and sing to this endlessly. Also always here for a good snarky twist of the kinfe.

2: Lover. Again, the longing. The vulnerability. Asking the questions that are scary to ask, that people would think you are insane for asking someone. Loving somebody so much that you put everything else aside, and all you want is to ask, “Can I go where you go?” Clingy. Needy. Co-dependent. As brave as it would be to ask a question like that, the fear of being seen as any of these things will keep most from doing it. Which probably hinders more than it helps, because if somebody loves us, truly loves us, we should be able to ask that without any fear of anyone or anything. But I’ll sing it and pretend.

1: Cruel Summer. SO. SINGABLE. I love the chorus. It gets stuck in my head. I love the lyrics. The frailty. A relationship that started as friends with benefits, her saying “it’s cool, no rules,” when secretly she’s falling in love and fears saying it, because she thinks it’d be the worst thing he’s ever heard. Yeah, OK, please stop reading my diary, girl. But the best part is, IMHO, he feels the same way about her, and also has feared speaking up, which is why he’s grinning like a devil, because he’s so happy because he feels the same way. 10/10 cant’ stop listening.

 And there you have it, folks. Time may change my rankings, relationships may change my rankings, but from where I sit, 10 days in, these are my thoughts. If you made it this far, I’d love to know what you think of the album, and your rankings!!! As if I’ll ever pass up a chance to talk about/listen to someone talking about Taylor Swift. Sound off!

[reject-princess97]

Klaus Mikaelson

I sighed contently as I felt the warm sweet taste of blood run over my tongue and down my throat into my favorite, quenching my hunger. I drank and drank until I felt the body in my arms fall limp. As I throw him to the ground I looked around at the floor full of almost lifeless bodies. "Well, that was fun. But I am all too sure that there is a reason you're here. So other than dinner, what are you doing here Rebekah?" I asked, standing up and walking over to my best friend for over 900 years.

"Who said I wanted something, Y/N? Maybe I just wanted to see my best friend." Rebekah pouted at my accusation. I looked over at her raising an eyebrow, making her roll her eyes at me in response.

I rolled my eyes back and turned to look at all the bodies lying on the floor. I snapped my fingers and raised my hand, willing the heads of our latest meal to look my way, into my eyes. "You will leave this bar after a shot of our blood and go home. Sleep this off and when you wake you will only remember a good night of drinking, dancing and loud music." I said compelling them all. Rebekah handed them each a shot glass of blood and we both watched as they downed the shot and left the building, tired and seemingly hung over.

After everybody had left I grabbed a bottle of bourbon and walked over to a booth where Rebekah Sat with two glasses. "OK, so, maybe there is a reason I came here." Rebekah smiled as she took the bottle from my hand and poured two drinks.

"I know this is, We have been best friends since before you turned me all those years ago.  Bekah, I'm the only one knows you that well." I laughed as I took a glass and drank from it. "So, what is it?" I asked, a little serious now, placing the glass on my lips and shifting in my seat.

"Well, I want you to come back to New Orleans with me." She said quickly, making me choke a little on my drink. "Look I know it's not the greatest place on Earth but I could really use you there with me." She explained, standing up, and moving to sit by me. I just watched her as she made her case.

"Look, I don't know about this Rebekah. I like it here." I replied, but I had lied and I could see she knew that. Moving to New Orleans was something I could never do in the past, too many bad memories there. "Bekah, the last time I was there, I was captured and used for my never ending supply of hybrid magic. Going back there, It would just bring back too many memories...especially of me and..."

"I understand that Y/N, but I need you. HE needs you. Plus you're always telling me that I'm about how much you're always wanted a family. but you already have one. Me, I have always treated you like a sister, and I hope that's enough." Rebekah said truthfully. I nodded and smiled.

"I know that Bekah and of course it's enough. You're my sister, not by blood but by heart and choice. In my eyes that's the best kind of family. It's just what if i'm not wanted." I sighed, I knew it wasn't true, I was loved by the Mikaelson family, but that was a long time ago.

"Y/N, you and I both know that won't happen, my family love you. besides, Elijah is quite excited to see you again and Kol...well, Kol is the same annoying arse you know and love." She told me.

 "And Niklaus?" I asked.

"Well, to be honest, he is still the same old narcissistic, back stabbing wanker, who will do anything for you." she laughed, a small smile appeared on my face. But it quickly vanished once I remembered the last time I saw him.

"I just can't Bekah, the last time Nik saw me I was being held captive by Mikael and was forced to use my magic to find him. I don't think he will ever forgive me for that and even if he did, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for betraying him." I whispered sadly as the memories came flooding back.

"Look, Mikael is dead, not coming back. You did nothing wrong. Nik knows that and he always understood why you did it. Y/N you did it to save me from my father. After you left with him we knew there had to be a good reason for you to go. Elijah found out about my fathers threat to hurt me. we all did everything we could to get you away from him." She spoke soft and comforting. I know she was right after Mikael found out about me being half vampire, half witch hybrid, he caught me and used the once I loved against me to make sure I did what I was told and use my magic to find Nik.

It was quiet for a while, so I used this time to think about the pros and cons of going back with Rebekah.

First the pros: I wouldn't be alone anymore and I'd have my family back, which is all I ever wanted. I'd get to speak with Rebekah more and see Elijah and Kol. I could start over, maybe even get back to the old, adventurous, fun loving me.

Cons: Nik may very well have not forgiven me and throw me on the streets. I might not be able to handle being around him, it's been a long time and I really don't like the thought of being around him and not being happy.

I thought for a little longer and soon enough I came to a decision. I turned to Rebekah and smiled, "OK, I'll come home with you. But, first, we need to make a stop a my flat to pick up a few essentials, the rest I'll just buy new I guess. Most of it is out of date anyway." I laughed, grabbing my jacket and standing up. Rebekah Let out a small squeal and dove at me wrapping her arms around me.

"OK, come let's go." She shouted excitedly.

*Two hours later*

After a few hours of shopping and Rebekah telling me stories of the Mikaelson family adventures since I left, we finally reached my apartment building. "OK, come on, I'll get what I need and we can get on the road." I told her as I unlocked the door and walking inside my small apartment.

"Wow, this is quite cozy, isn't it?" Rebekah laughed as she looked around my tiny one bed apartment.

"It's not much but it's only for when I'm bored for the big city and need a bit of peace." I told her. I lived in New York most of the time, but every now and the I like to stay in this tiny apartment, just me, where I can get some peace.

I walked into my bedroom and grabbed  small travel case and opened it, placing it on my bed. I packed a few things that I couldn't but anywhere. My photo albums and a few bits from over the years. "Bekah from in the an you grab that box from on that shelf, please." I asked her, rearranging a few things so the box could fit in.

"Crap." I heard her mutter as the box landed on the floor at her feet, "Sorry Y/N,"

"It's fine really." I laughed as I walked over to help her pick it up.

"What is this stuff anyway?" she asked rummaging through the old paintings Klaus had given me and letter he had sent me. She soon stopped when she found a small black box. she opened it and I watched as her face dropped a little once she saw the ox was empty, which of course made me laugh.

"Do you really think I would keep a ring and not wear it? Really Rebekah, I thought you knew me better than that." I asked, pouting a little. She gave me a confused look and lifted my hands up.

"I don't see any ring," she retorted. I nodded and rolled my eyes.

"I never said I wore it on my hand." I replied, as I smiled, pulling the ring that hung on a chain around my neck. "It hurt to wear it all the time, but I couldn't part with it so I came up with this alternative." I explained. She took it into her hand to get a closer look. It was a very old and very beautiful diamond ring.

"Who gave it to you?" She asked, letting the ring fall against my chest. I raised an eyebrow and gave her a look as if to say 'Really'. "Oh, well why not wear it?" she asked.

"I didn't feel I deserved to. He gave me the ring as a promise of his love and I didn't feel I deserved his love.You know after everything that happened. But I also couldn't let it go. It always felt like if I were to part with it, I would be parting with Nik forever and I guess I still had hope he would still love me." I explained as I absentmindedly played with the ring. "Right, I got everything, lets go." I said bringing myself back to reality.

*The next day*

The car ride here was enjoyable, music playing, us singing along with it. It took us a little longer because we ended up spending the night in a hotel because we got tired and its like an 19 hour drive from NYC to New Orleans and we both got tired of driving. The nerves set in when we were about an hour away but Rebekah help by taking my mind off of things. Once I saw the lights of New Orleans, where I had been trying to avoid for many years, I suddenly felt like I was coming home. I was so excited but nervous at the same time. it felt really good to know I still get a funny tummy when I am close to my family.

"Welcome home Y/N!" Rebekah cheered as she pulled up to a big house. I smiled and laughed as I looked around, taking it all in. "Well, Well, Well. If it isn't Y/N Y/L/N." I heard someone shout. I turned to see my other best friend standing at the top of a set of stairs. A young woman, holding a little girl was standing behind him.

"Elijah Mikaelson. How lovely to see you again." I laughed as he 'ran' down the stairs and over to me into a tight hug and spinning me around. "God I've missed you Elijah." I sighed burying my head in his shoulder.

"As have I." He replied kindly.

As we hugged a little longer I heard a low growl and a clearing of a throat. I looked up to see the young woman holding the baby starring at me. "Easy there little wolf, I'm just saying hello to an old friend." I smirked at her as she made her way down to Elijah's side. "Besides, he's not my type." I smiled.

"Yeah, you prefer the Psychotic murdering type, right?" Rebekah called from the car. I turned and smiled.

"Exactly." I called back.

"Y/n this is Haley and her daughter Hope." Elijah introduced, I nodded and smiled.

"Nice to meet you Haley."

"You too...So how do you know the Mikaelsons?" she asked, shaking my hand.

"Oh she used to date Niklaus." Rebekah answered, now standing by my side.

"Oh nice. you weren't kidding about the psychotic Murderers being her type." she scoffed.

"Easy there little wolf, I might not be with him anymore but you say anything bad about him I will not take it lightly." I snarled, slight.y raising my hand as if you harm her.

"Y/N, don't, I doubt she knows about the two of you. It's not like we tell her every family secret." Elijah reasoned.

" OK, you're right. Besides, if I recall correctly he was your type at one point too." I replied pointing at hope.

"You know about Hope?" Elijah asked confused.

I smiled and nodded. "What, you didn't think I would not keep tabs on you all. besides, when Rebekah was hiding her a while back she came to stay with me for a bit." I explained, waving my hand towards hope to which she just smiled at.

"You took my daughter to stay with her." Haley retorted. I raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Don't mess with me pup, I have been around for a hell of a lot longer that you and I can do things you have never dreamed of seeing. I have power beyond your tiny little wolf brain can handle." I sneered. I watched as she handed Elijah the baby and turned to me.

"Haley, don't." Elijah warned.

"What's she gonna do? Because honey, I'm not someone you want to mess with. I'm a hybrid, you know what that means. Half vampire, half Wolf. One bite could kill you." She snarled. I nodded and looked to Bekah and Elijah. Before I flicked my hand up and Haley began to lift into the air.

" I'm not sure you understood me when I told you I was powerful." I spoke calmly. I put her back on her feet and smiled. "I am the most powerful being on the planet, half vampire half witch. so I wouldn't brag about you being a wolf/vampire hybrid, because I can take that away from you just as easily as it was given to you." I laughed before walking off to pick up my bags and walk towards the house.

"Wow, not even back in town for five minutes and already you're starting trouble with the wolves." I heard Kol laugh from the top of the stairs were he had been watching.

"Kol, Hey." I smiled wrapping my arms around him the best I could. As I pulled away my eyes looked about, looking for someone in particular I guess.

"He wanted to keep his distance. Didn't think you wanted to see him." He smiled, know who I was looking for. I nodded and shrugged before following Kol, making my way to my room, which was, by some accident I'm sure, opposite Nik's room.

I spent a couple of hours unpacking the clothes I had bought while out shopping with Rebekah. I put my photo frames and albums on the shelves. Then I pulled out the 'Nik' box. I sat on the now made bed and began reading the letters, smiling as I could almost hear his voice read every word in my head. It was a voice that could make even the most bravest man shiver with fear. nut me, it made me shiver for a whole other reason.

Klaus Mikaelson was thought to be the most feared man in the whole world. He was thought to be evil, psychotic and a monster. But me, I knew him better than that. He was kind, thoughtful and would do just about anything for the ones he loves most. That was the man I loved, and he still is the same man today.

Back when I first met the Mikaelsons, I quickly became close to Nik and Rebekah. Rebekah treated me like a sister from the start and Nik...well he treated me like a princess. protecting me, caring for me and loving me the best he could, with his whole heart and I loved him just as much as he loved me. Rebekah turned me so Nik and I could be together forever because she always believed he deserved to be loved, even if he didn't believe it because Mikael always told him otherwise. After everything with Mikael happened I ran away. The only person I told my whereabouts to was Rebekah. Of course she told Nik who sent me letters, he first told me I knew I needed space so he wasn't gonna come after me unless I wanted him to.  

"I see you kept his gifts and letters" I heard Elijah speak.

"Every single one." I smiled up at him, putting down the letter I was reading." I missed him El. Everyday I would come home from what ever I was doing and for a second I'd be so excited to tell him about my day, then I would remember and the pain felt bad all over again." I sighed as he made his way over to my bed. He sat next to me and nodded.

"He missed you too, just as much, i'm sure." I reassured me. I nodded and he picked up a few of the painting Nik had sent me. " You want help putting them up?" He asked. I nodded and stood up picking up the hammer.

"Let's do it." I replied.

It took about 30 minutes to get the drawings and painting up on the wall. We sat and admired hem for a little. I liked how Nik sent me picture of his memories. It felt like I was with him through out his adventures. I had a few favorites. One was of Rebekah and I, One was of Hope as a baby and the third was what he thought our wedding day would look like.

Elijah soon left, being called away by Haley so I was once again left with my thoughts so I sat on my bed and just looked at all the paintings and drawing he had sent me.

"Has anyone ever told you, you should be thinking so hard...Dangerous things happen when you hatch a plan." A voice I knew all to well spoke throw my closed door.

"It's only dangerous for those involved." I laughed softly. "Usually ends well for me though."

"Yes if I recall correctly the last time you plotted something dangerous we ended up killing a whole lot of people. You almost died in the process." He spoke sadly. "Then you left."

"Are you gonna stay out there or are you gonna co me in here and speak to me Nik? I don't wanna speak through a door." I told him. I didn't move from my bed because if he waned to see me, he would come in. I didn't wanna force him to see me if he wasn't ready.

The door swung open and there stood the breathtakingly handsome Niklaus Mikaelson. "Hello love." He smiled as he entered my room. I sat up a little and smiled subconsciously reaching for the ring that hung around my neck.

"Hi." I whispered.

It was quiet fora while, we just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. I say thee on my bed as he looked around my room, looking at the art work on my wall, the photos of us ans the box of letters. then he found the ring box. He opened it and I could see the hurt in his face as he saw it empty. "You didn't keep it?" He asked sadly. I shook my head and smiled.

"No, I wear it, all the time. see." I told him taking the chain from around my neck and handing it to him.

He took and and smiled a smile that still left you breathless. "I remember the day I gave this for you. I had finally gotten you back from my father. I told you that if you had to leave, you had to promise to let me know you were safe." He reminded me. I replayed the day in my head.

"Yeah and I promised you that when I was ready, I would find you again. I would do all I could to win your heart again." I remembered.

"And  told you my heart would always belong to you. I swore that when you came back I would never let you go again." He smiled down at the ring. "And that I would marry you."

"Yeah, I remember. I took the ring and promised the same." I nodded, taking a deep breath.

"So, are you back?" He asked hopefully.I looked around and it was then I noticed Rebekah, Elijah and Kol stood by my bedroom door, waiting for my answer.

"I never stopped loving you, you know. I left because I couldn't bare the thought you didn't love me anymore. I wanted you to know that." I told him.

"Do know that, and I love you, I have everyday since you left. You are the only person I am meant to spend the rest of my life with, so..are you back?"

I nodded and smiled, "I am." I laughed. I had never felt so happy than right now.I was back, with my family, the family who, even though I abandoned them, they still love me and seeing them all smile at me gave me an overwhelming sense of Joy. "I'm back for good, to win back the heart of the man I gave everything to."I said calmly. declaring my intentions.

I watched as Klaus took the ring from my chain and knelt on the floor. "You have always owned my heart Y/N. Nothing has changed that, even after all this those years and I do intend on keeping my promise. So once you had said yes to forever, But I'm asking you again, will you do me the honor of being mine forever. Will you marry me?" Nik asked taking my hand in his.

"I would love nothing more than to marry you Niklaus Mikaelson." I whispered, to happy for words. Tears began forming in my eyes as Klaus slipped the ring onto my finger and kissed my hand.

"Forever and always." He smiled up at me.

" Maybe even longer." I replied pulling him to his feet and bringing his lips to mine.

"I love you Y/N" Rebekah called over to me.

"I love you too Bex" I called back laughing, as everyone ran into my room and they all wrapped their arms around me.

"We all love you Y/N" Elijah smiled.

"I love you all too." I smiled as we stayed like this for a while. I just wanted to stay like this forever.

"I love you Y/N" Klaus smiled over at me.

"I love you too Nik" I smiled back. this is the happiest I've ever been and I have a feeling things are only going to get better.

X

[vvolfies]

HARRY STYLES - WOLFGANG BECK currently plays FINIAN in LOVELY EQUALS on Bridge Broadcasting! I swear, they’re TWENTY-THREE and they’ve already done so much within the business. They’re often described as the YOUNG GUN by the paparazzi who follows them around, because they’re apparently +AMBITIOUS and -JADED. Though, that’s just paparazzi talk. Who knows if it’s true? All I know is that they go by HE/HIM and they’re on my favorite show. ( BRITT, 24, EST, SHE/HER )

hello pals wolfie & i are back for round two!! as before, feel free to message me if you’d like to plot. he’s the same old guy but i’d love some new connections for him!! without further ado, below is some info about him~

wolfgang beck is his full name but please feel free to call him wolfie or wolf because most of his friends and family do!! he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth & a fortune to his name, the son of a rock legend & a playboy bunny turned supermodel

his dad is german & his mom is hungarian but he was raised in manchester & moved to l.a. when he was a teenager to pursue his career in music. his parents are both large influences in his life but he had a pretty atypical childhood. his mother was in her early twenties when he was born and his father already in his mid thirties, so with give or take 13 years between them they both had very different aspirations

both very career driven as well, so quite often one or the other was away for months at a time and on some occasions both were away. he learned to entertain himself though, messing around with his dad’s instruments and going for joy-rides in their expensive cars. very much a spoiled rich kid

can’t complain much about his upbringing besides being in the front-row seat to watch his parents’ marriage slowly burn to the ground. his mother wanted her freedom and his father longed for companionship, which lead to cheating on both parts & lots of very public fighting and battling for custody. his father won in the end

it’s not hard to see where wolfie gets his bitter outlook on love!! he avoided it at all costs until the age of nineteen when he fell for tyson which lasted a whole three years before it, too, fell to pieces in jan/feb of 2017. basically reinforced his ideology that love is bullshit

wolf is very versatile musically!! picked up the skill from a very very young age and gained quick recognition through his surname. started out writing songs for some well-known artists of the time and by fifteen had his very own single on the charts. music is in his blood, so to speak, so nobody was really surprised

he has been in the spotlight since, releasing music pretty much non-stop, released several albums, has toured the world and won awards for his music!! his music can be described as pop rock, his voice is definitely a lot like harry’s & some of his more recent music is pretty similar to his solo work. but he’s definitely released some more mainstream songs as well, that’s probably how he started out

he’s basically a spitting image of his dad. looks a lot like him when he was young and his attitude reflects him as well. he’s constantly compared to him because of it which is fine & dandy but his dad has pretty big shoes to fill and he often feels like he’s expected to follow in his footsteps which is a lot of pressure. the media likes to portray him as his dad was at his age, a playboy & a party animal and it works for his image so he doesn’t mind

he does party a lot!! but obviously he’s not really a playboy. a flirt yes. uses sex appeal to his advantage mayhaps. playboy no. a lot of people also expect him to make the same mistakes as his dad and fail in love/ cheat, etc, so it’s basically like everyone is waiting on him to screw up and that’s made him almost expect himself to as well. 

despite being a bougie bitch he is humble. appreciative of everything he’s earned and very good to his fans. involved in charity work, likes to share the wealth. he doesn’t need the money so it’s not about that for him, he has a genuine passion for his career. doesn’t think he’s better than anyone

aesthetically he is Tol. 6 feet of tatted glory. very in shape, likes to work out & takes care of his body (besides the smoking/drugs/drinking but you only live once am i rite). he’s current harry with the short hair, definitely had long hair at one point but recently did the snip snip because it was time for a change and he’s on tv now. 

has taken a few pages from his mama’s book as well, is very into his appearance (kinda cocky ngl), has expensive taste and an eccentric sense of fashion-- is not afraid to stand out!! that being said, he takes criticism personally and takes it hard. when it comes to his personal life, he is a lot more private and almost tries to blend in. wants to be liked and his work to be taken seriously!! very contradictory i know but fashion is how he expresses himself

he realized he was into men as well as women quite early in his life but never voiced it publicly in fear of it ruining his career and upon being given some advice by others in the industry. so he probably just experimented a little bit behind closed doors with someone he trusted but for the most part his sexual and romantic life outside of his relationship has revolved around women.

UNFORTUNATELY he was outed when a “reliable source” snitched about him and his boyfriend at the time to the press!! so that was that and months of damage control ( and a pr girlfriend ) later here he is just barely living to tell the tale

anyways he decided to take a brief hiatus from music & la to pursue acting in england which he’s enjoying so far. definitely not planning to make a switch over or anything, he just wanted to mix things up and try something new. plans to start working on new music by the end of this year

that’s it that’s all you know where to find me if you’d like to fill any of his wanted connections, which are as follows:

best friend

childhood friend, could have drifted or remained close

friends with benefits

first kiss/relationship/hook-up

wing man/woman- basically they go out together to party & hook up

an unrequited past crush (can work either way)

exes that decided they were better off being friends

a friend that got cut from his life under speculation they could have leaked the info about his relationship?

someone in the music industry he can jam with

past pr girlfriend

[lminfo]

14th december 2017

So I’ll start by listing some honourable mentions that didn’t make my top 50. Just making the cut was Preservation by Nadia Reid, Ti Amo by Phoenix, Freudian by Daniel Ceasar, Visions of a Life by Wolf Alice and The Ride by Nelly Furtado.  I liked the Jay-Z album although I only listened to it once and will need to listen to it more to fully grasp onto it, same goes for the new Kirin J Callanan album, the new Future Islands album and the new Girlpool album. Click here for more honourable mentions and a list of notable 2017 albums that I didn’t get around to listening to.

TOP 50 ALBUMS OF 2017

by Leroy Martin

50

KEHLANI

SweetSexySavage

Flawed and notably rushed yet it’s still so effectively full of energy and heart. SWEETSEXYSAVAGE is Kehlani’s best project to date and by far her most mature, while still acting only as a sneak peek of her capabilities and a reason to be excited for what’s to come.

Listen TSNMI / Atlantic Contemporary R&B / Pop

49

SYLVAN ESSO 

What Now

A satirical electropop album that is not only a critique but a celebration of modern pop music

Listen Lorne Vista Recordings Synthpop / Electropop

48

JENS LEKMAN Life Will See You Now

This album is really fun through it’s eclectic songwriting and instrumentation with hooks that get in your head for weeks. Being unfamiliar with Lekman’s past works, I am certain it’s not the best he’s ever done but it’s an overall fine, joyful and positive album that always brings a smile to my face when I listen to it.

Listen Secretly Canadian Indie pop, Synthpop, Singer-songwriter

47

MAC DEMARCO

This Old Dog

Admittedly i’ve never been the biggest fan of Mac Demarco. I’ve always found him fun as a character in new indie rock music and as a fantastic live performer with infenctionate enegery,  but overall i’ve never thoroughly enjoyed a whole album of his from start to finish until this one. It’s my favourite of his yet and the only Demarco I would consider to be a favourite of a year. This Old Dog is a bit more lowkey, personal and charming than his other works. The use of synths is complimented by pretty melodies and tired vocals. It’s a treat.

Listen Captured Tracks Indie pop, Singer-songwriter, Dream pop, Soft rock

46 

KENDRICK LAMAR

Damn.

The opposite of the Mac Demarco album in that it’s the album that I like the least from an artist, but that being said, a bad Kendrick album is still better than artists most ‘good’ albums. It’s disjointed and scattered, occasionally a bit too radio-friendly and a bit too mixed with its messaging, but despite all the criticisms, it’s still good. Very good to be exact.

Listen Top Dawg Entertainment Trap, Pop rap, Concious hip-hop

45

ROSTAM  Half-light

Occasionally in this list we will come across albums that are here purely from personal enjoyment rather than if they really are solid on their own or not, and with Half-light, we have an album that is really easy to find faults in. But in all honesty, this album is for me. A young queer person who likes fun music about being young and queer. Rostam isn’t a traditionally ‘good’ vocalist yet every track has vocals. This album will be compared to Vampire Weekend endlessly and it’s justified but unfair. Half-light offers brand new music, new ideas and new colours to add to the indie palette. Bike-dreams is a already a classic to me, being one of my most played songs of the year and most cranked up on my flat stereo. This album is fucking cool.

Listen Nonesuch Records Inc. Art pop, Indie pop

44 HURRAY FOR THE RIFF RAFF The Navigator

One of the last albums on this list I have listened to and it’s already in my top after a few listens. One of the best albums of the year of its kind. It’s worth a listen for any fans of alternative folk who missed it. “Living in the city. Well It’s hard, it’s hard, it’s hard”. Listen ATO Records Folk, Indie folk, Contemporary folk, Americana

43

YAEJI Yaeji & EP 2

I am choosing to list both of this years releases by Korean / New York electronic artist and singer Yaeji, who released some of the smoothest house and electronic tracks on her two debut commercial releases. Some of the best tracks of the year land on her two ambitious, yet way-too-short EP’s. Watch out for Yaeji in the next coming years - I am beyond certain  she’s going to be big.

Listen Godmode Dance, Electronic

42

THE DRUMS  Abysmal Thoughts

Jonny Pierce is solo for the fourth Drums album which is evident as it’s one of the most personal of their records to date. Songs about sexuality, infidelity and family relationships, Abysmal Thoughts is not my favourite by The Drums but it’s probably the most accomplished. Take that how you will. Listen ANTI-Records Indie pop

41

KESHA Rainbow

Rainbow is an album about being a woman. It’s about rising above the patriarchy, about recognising the beauty within yourself. It’s about being an outsider, being different. As the song Hymn states, this album is essentially hymn for the hymnless. Rainbow is an accomplished pop record that is more mature than any of Kesha’s previous records, whilst keeping the fun and likeable charm that always made her stand out as one of the most original and carefree pop artists of the 2010’s. There are songs which explore her country roots, as well as songs that are in the same vein as tracks from her previous albums. Rainbow is not a masterpiece, but it’s a masterwork of female driven pop music. It’s essentially rainbow coloured, laminated and framed. You can’t touch it. It’s there for us to absorb and take in, and for the most part, it’s an absolute blessing. Listen Kemosabe, RCA Pop rock, Pop soul, Country pop

40

TEI SHI Crawl Space

After hearing the stunning two singles Keep Running and How Far, Argentina’s popstar Tei Shi’s Crawl Space was admittedly one of my most anticipated debut album of the year, and it didn’t disappoint. This album is full of pop tracks that are fully realised and formed to the point they seem a bit too polished, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Crawl Space has a lot of lavish and sometimes weird production, that compliments her angelic vocals in the best ways. One interlude features a young Tei Shi saying “I am a bad singer, I wish I could be like Britney Spears”, which then leads to the track “Say You Do”, one of the most Britney inspired songs on the album. Tei Shi is not a bad singer, she’s extraordinary, and she shines on every track. Listen Interscope Records Indie pop, Synthpop, Alternative pop

39

XIU XIU Forget

XIU XIU’s latest album is full of loud, artful ‘bangers’ from Get Up to Wondering to Jenny GoGo. Forget is so good at creating an atmosphere so alien, so strange and intangible. It’s unapologetically queer and in your face with it’s intense yet lush instrumentation. Contrary to this albums title, it’s hard to forget, because it’s so good. 

Listen Polyvinyl Records Experimental pop, Art pop, Indie pop

38

DIRTY PROJECTORS Dirty Projectors

This album wasn’t very well received by critics and fans alike, so inevitably my thoughts on this album are different to most. I love this album, not only for Dirty Projectors switch to alt R&B but because of the beauty it contains, the raw lyricism and the incredibly production. It’s unique for a breakup album as well as unique as an addition in Dirty Projectors discography. It’s not always an easy listen but it’s always rewarding, for me anyway. 

Listen Domino Records Alternative R&B, Art pop, 

37

LAURA MARLING Semper Femina

A beautiful singer-songwriter album where Laura soulfully sings on guitar driven songs ranging from sweet to bittersweet. All are really really beautiful though.

Listen Kobalt Singer-songwriter, Indie folk, Chamber pop

36

CHASTITY BELT I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone

My first time listening to Chastity Belt was rewarding because this album is so sweet and endearing. It took a while for it all to sink in but when it. did, it really got to me. Listen Hardly Art Indie rock

35

GRIZZLY BEAR Painted Ruins

Painted Ruins is a colourful return to form by Grizzly Bear, one of my fifteen-year-old-self favourites. It’s essentially so fun to listen to. The production is lavish, most noticeably the percussion. There are some exceptional choruses on here too. A beautiful album.

Listen RCA  Art rock, Chamber pop, Indie rock

34

LORDE Melodrama

On my way walking to a party, I saw Lorde on the street a few weeks before the release of Melodrama, and god damn I wish I had the nerve to walk up to her. She is incredible. She is an example of how to cope being put in the spotlight almost immediately without any control, because after one album and a grammy win, she waited. She waited to find herself sonically and waited to perfect her next project, which is Melodrama; a confident and colourful collection of emotional and astonishing pop songs. One of the best pop releases of the year, Melodrama is the soundtrack to being in your early twenties and being in and out of love with your surroundings, and I just can’t get enough of it.

Listen Lava Records Synthpop, Electropop, Art pop

33

FATHER JOHN MISTY Pure Comedy

Father John Misty’s most conceptual and satirical yet. Occasionally a bit too indulgent and can become almost intolerable but that’s unquestionably intentional, and for the most part it’s entertaining and sonically interesting. 

Listen Sub Pop Singer-songwriter, Piano rock

32

ANGEL OLSEN Phases

A collection of b-sides and demos. Just like the new Beach House release, B-sides and Rarities, I had listened to about a third of the tracks already prior to the release, however, listening to Phases as a whole compilation was just as rewarding as hearing a new Angel record for the first time. Phases is so carefully put together and curated that every song flows so complimentary of one another. It’s no My Woman, but it’s still just as stunning.

Listen Jagjaguwar Singer-songwriter, Chamber pop, Alternative folk, Lo-fi

31

PARAMORE After Laughter

Honestly, I thought I would feel embarrassed listening to the new Paramore album, until i actually gave it a shot and realised it is unquestionably one of the best pop records of the year. If you like pop, I highly recommend giving it a shot.

Listen Fueld by Ramen Synthpop, New wave, Power pop

30

FEVER RAY Plunge

Just watch this video

Rabid Art pop, Electropop, Darkwave

29

(SANDY) ALEX G  Rocket

(Sandy) Alex G’s most ambitious and interesting record to date is also his most grounded. I love this album, from the more traditionally folky “Proud” to the autotune fueled ballad “Sportscar”, to the abrasive and intimidating Death-Grips-inspired banger “Brick”. It would make a cute crush album as well as a good soundtrack to a sad hetero cis boy going through a breakup (lol). This album is cool though. Rocket is definitely up there with the stars. 

(Sorry).

Listen Domino Indie folk, Lo-fi, Singer-songwriter, Alt-country

28

BEACH FOSSILS Somersault

Their 2013 album Clash the Truth is one of my favourite albums of all time, for it’s dreamy landscape it creates sonically and it’s interesting songwriting. So because of this I knew I wouldn’t find it as good, but it’s still a lovely addition to their discography and helped me through some hectic studying sessions. It’s just... so nice.. check it out.

Listen Bayonet Indie pop, Dream pop, Jangle pop

27

ZOLA JESUS Okovi

I first listened to Zola Jesus when I was fifteen and heard one of her songs on the trailer for E4′s Skins. I’ve never been a dedicated fan but I’ve always appreciated her works, and Okovi is no exception. It’s hard-hitting with its messages and its sound. A beautiful and positive overall theme projected through dark and unsettling tunnels of sound makes this album an incredible and unique experience. Listen Sacred Bones Art pop, Darkwave

26

RINA SAWAYAMA Rina EP

One of my favourite discoveries of the year, this EP is pure pop gold. It is heavenly influenced by early 2000′s pop music like Britney and Christina, yet it still feels so fresh, a lot of it is due to the production by Clarence Clarity. It’s a small collection of loose, bouncy and loud pop bangers. I can’t wait to. see what she does next. If you’re into pop music this should not be missed!

Listen Self-released Art pop, Electropop, Glitch pop

25

JAY SOM Everybody Works

A real sweet gem of an album. Almost every track is a smooth, pretty piece of bedroom pop, sometimes dabbling into shoegaze. Full of many catchy hooks and riffs that are addictive. 

Listen Polyvinyl Bedroom pop, Indie pop, Art pop, Shoegaze, Lo-fi

24

JULIEN BAKER Turn Out the Lights

I listened to this album for the first time not knowing what it was other than it had good album art and oh man, it was a real emotional experience. Julien’s vocals as she sings about addiction and mental health, are really heartwrenching. Every song is so well written and although suffers from occasionally not having compelling instrumentations, there is no denying there is real talent here, and real good art.

Listen Matador Singer-songwriter, Indie folk

23

LCD SOUNDSYSTEM American Dream

You know what? I love it. I fucking hate the album art though. It’s an interesting come back that nobody really expected and a lot of people got angry about, but for me, I was only hyped and ecstatic. American Dream is by no means is their best album but it’s still just as good as they’ve always been, exploring similar sounds whilst crafting new ideas and sounds - American Dream is just as great as the title suggests.

Listen DFA Records Dance, Post-punk, Indietronic

22

BRAND NEW Science Fiction

It’s hard to talk about this album without taking into account Jesse Lacy’s recent allegations and to be honest, I have barely been able to listen to this album since. But if i were to exclude this from my list I would be lying to myself, because before the allegations happened, this was already one of my top albums of the year. It’s sad to admit such sickening realities can’t fully disregard the immaculate beauty and emotions this record sparked with me on first, second and eighth listen. Not to mention, Brand New were a band that kind of shaped my adolescence, therefore their works have always been special to me. I definitely feel ill about supporting a man who has manipulated and exploited minors, but at the end of the day, I had an opinion on this album before he was exposed, and although it’s hindered, it came from an honest place, and I can’t change that.

Listen Self-released Emo, Indie rock, Post-hardcore

21

CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG  Rest

I’ve always been interested in Charlotte Gainsbourg’s music career ever since I discovered it after watching her performances in Lars Von Trier films, but it wasn’t until she released Rest that I was fully immersed in a full album of hers. Rest is catchy, danceable and somewhat saddening, as this is the work of somebody who is grieving their sister. It’s easy to forget this album is as upsetting as it is as many of the songs such as “Deadly Valentine”, the leading banger of the album, feel so uplifting based on just the music itself. This is easily one of the most interesting albums of the year, and one that certainly surprised me. It’s odd, mysterious and gorgeous.

Listen Because Indie pop, Dream pop, Electropop, Dance pop

20 

CHARLI XCX   Number 1 Angel 

After teaming up with SOPHIE on her 4 chaotic and insane 4 track EP, one of my favourite releases in 2016, Charli XCX returns with a scattered yet absolutely unescapable fun collection of experimental pop songs with excellent features and production that is paving the way for a new future of pop music. I was thinking about including Pop 2 as well, but that came out too late and I had already secured my list, however - I will give that a special honourable mention because I truly think it’s a good mixtape that goes hand in hand with Number 1 Angel. Both are great, and feature some of the best pop tracks of the year.

Listen Asylum records Pop, Electropop, Contemporary pop

20 (TIED)

ST VINCENT Masseduction (not mass-education)

I’ve been a fan of St. Vincent for a long time so maybe my opinion on this album was a little biased. I did like it a lot more around the release and as time went on it kind of slipped my mind a bit. But even with the hype fading a little, I still like it lot. It’s not as great as her last album but I find it unfair to compare the two as this is a completely different chapter in Annie’s musical career and is a different type of album. She’s making her most sexually charged music, her most flamboyant, and her most angsty. Even if you don’t like Jack Antanoff’s production that lands on pretty much every track here, you can’t deny that Masseduction is one of the boldest artistic statements in music of 2017.

Listen Loma Vista Art pop, Synthpop, Singer-songwriter

19

ALDOUS HARDING Party

Where had Aldous Harding been all my life (prior to the release of this album)? In the same city as me actually. I don’t know how I missed her, but I’m so glad I didn’t miss Party, one of the most beautiful records of the year. Party is a raw album with excellent songwriting and haunting vocal performances. It’s one of the best local albums I’ve ever heard and I’m so excited to see her perform in February. 

Listen 4AD / Flying Nun Singer-songwriter, Chamber pop, Indie folk, Baroque pop

18

SAMPHA Process

Process is a raw, electrifying debut from Sampha, AKA the guy who’s on pretty much all of. SBTRKT’s bangers, and the guy who Drake sampled once. This album is even better than them, it’s a powerful album with a few emotionally absorbing piano ballads. It’s one of the prettiest albums of the year, and even though it was released in February, I am constantly finding myself returning to it.

Listen Young Turks Art pop, Electronic, Alternative R&B, Neo-soul

17

CORBIN Mourn

If you had told me I would enjoy an album by Spooky Black this much I wouldn’t have believed you, because to me Spooky Black was just another one of those ‘Yung Lean’ types, aka a straight white sad boy making dull and dreary trap and r&b music, mostly about girls and sex. But here, he is not Spooky anymore, he’s Corbin, a young, heartbroken boy, trying to do his best - trying to grow, almost shouting amongst electronic production similar to which you would find on a James Blake or Sampha record. On these tracks, his vocals are rusted and raw. Every song holds power and authenticity. For once, his sad boy persona comes across as genuine, and it kind of hurts.

Listen Wedidit Alternative R&B

16

Vince Staples Big Fish Theory

The national anthem don’t even slap but this does. 

Listen Def Jam Alternative Hip hop, Hip house, UK garage

15

FEIST Pleasure

Leslie Feist is back with one of the most pleasureable albums of the year. It’s a slow burn yet it’s worth every minute. 

Listen Interscope Singer-songwriter, Indie rock, Folk rock

14

MOSES SUMNEY Aromanticism

Aromanticism is a beautiful and conceptual album about romance, more or less the lack of it. It’s a sensual and theatrical piece of art that stands tall, especially due to Moses Sumney’s soulful vocals and the immaculate production. It’s hard to take in that this his debut. This album is not to be missed.

Listen Jagjaguwar R&B, Neo-soul

13

KING KRULE The OOZ

The OOZ is probably one of the most cinematic albums on my list, and it’s not because it’s loud or aggressive in nature, but because it is so absorbing, sucking you into Archy’s world as he knows it. It’s lonely there, and you feel it. This album is an hour and at times can be a slow-burn but it’s a rewarding listen that I constantly find myself coming back to.  Listen True Panther Art rock. Nu jazz, Trip hop, Post-punk

12

BJÖRK Utopia

I’m a Björk fan as much as i am an Arca fan, so of course I was destined to love Utopia. Set amongst a bunch of flute arrangements, Utopia sees Björk exploring love again, but this time she’s no longer with anybody but herself, and as much as it is lonely, it’s liberating. The production on some songs is intense and dark, but don’t let that fool you into thinking this album isn’t a positive meditation on womanhood and finding yourself, because it is one hundred percent. It’s a flirty, colourful and immensely interesting record that is inevitably always going to be compared to her last record Vulnicura, which was a bit less scattered but a lot sadder and dull. Utopia transports you into a forest full of little woodland creatures. It’s comforting, friendly and oh so strange.

Listen One Little Indian Art pop, Post-industrial, Electropop, Trip-hop

11

MOUNT KIMBIE Love What Survives

An album that I almost missed, but happily managed to grasp onto before the year ended. It’s a refreshing electronic album with incredible features from James Blake, King Krule and Micachu (Mica Levi aka the girl who composed the score for Under the Skin and Jackie). This album makes me feel like I’m on a mountain sitting on a bench,  admiring the view of a cold city. It’s pretty and quite chilling. Listen Warp Electronic, Post-punk, Art pop

MY TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2017

10

SZA Ctrl

I listened to SZA’s album/mixtape/ep Z back in 2014 and I liked it but i couldn’t bring myself to love it, noticing how flawed it was; how clunky some of. the production was. But three years later and I am shocked to see her releasing one of the most grounded albums of the year. Every song on this album is produced so well, but the magic comes from SZA herself - the lyrics and the vocals. She gives an astonishing performance on CTRL and comes off as one of the most down to earth singers. CTRL is original, sensual and honest. SZA does not hold back from documenting times she’s fucked up and made mistakes. She tells her stories with utter confidence but with vulnerability - one of the best aspects of CTRL. This is an album I’ve already created a lot of memories with. I return to it almost weekly, not only because it’s so easy to listen to but because I always get so much out of each listen. If SZA can grow this much in three years as an artist, I can’t wait to see what she comes out with in the next few, because to most, she is already a superstar. Listen Top Dawg Entertainment Alternative R&B, Neo-soul  

9

BIG THIEF Capacity

It’s hard to believe that Big Thief’s debut ‘Masterpiece’ was only released last year, especially when you consider how refined and mature their sound is on their latest album Capacity. Here it’s a lot less cluttered and more stripped back. While their last album showed the listener how vibrant and fun they can be, Capacity feels a lot less about showing off what they can do but rather about giving an intimate and open listening experience about really personal experiences and subjects. It’s a lot more quiet and understated, and is really the masterpiece the title promised on the first album. Capacity really is such a captivating record.

Listen Saddle Creek Indie rock, Art rock, Contemporary folk

8

ALVVAYS Antisocialites

I had never listened to Alvvays before this album, yet did I ever anticipate this album to be in my top ten. First listen was an overwhelmingly dreamy yet sweet experience; I couldn’t pinpoint my feelings on it. It was a sugar rush. But I didn’t leave it as that because I knew there was something special here, especially with songs like Dreams Tonite standing out to me as a beautiful and colourful highlight. So with this, I listened to it again, and again, until it eventually grew to be one of my most treasured albums of the year.

Listen Polyvinyl Indie pop, Jangle pop, Dream pop

7

MOUNT EERIE A Crow Looked At Me

I listened to this because I liked the album cover and never again am i going to do that. I didn’t know what I was expecting really. I knew Mount Eerie was a popular name and I had remembered listening to one or two tracks in the past. But I went into this cold, and came out even colder. This album is. heart wrenching. It’s hard to not even feel guilty listening to it. But even at it’s saddest moments there is endless beauty to the orchestration and the lyrics. It’s an album that will destroy you but remind you that nobody is alone. It’s one of the rawest and most powerful albums I’ve listened to, yet one of the hardest.

Listen P.W. Elverum & Sun Singer-songwriter, Contemporary folk

6

TYLER. THE CREATOR Flower Boy

Oh man.. This album is just too good. It’s probably Tyler’s most personal albums and his most darkest. It’s solid and straight to the point. His flows are all good, and his lyrics go from funny to depressing from track to track. The most agressive tracks are fucking bangers too, with Who Dat Boy and I Aint Got Time standing out as some of the most crudest and in your face moments of the year. This album just shows that Tyler has so much talent, especially when you take into consideration that he produced the whole fucking thing. How he do that? Listen Odd Future Hip hop, Neo-soul, Alternative R&B, Experimental hip hop

5

THE NATIONAL Sleep Well Beast

It took me about two weeks to get around listening to this album. Not because I. didn't like The National, it was in fact because I loved them, when I was about seventeen, in an entirely different place to where I was in 2017. I feared that their new stuff wouldn’t resonate with me the same way it did, but boy I was wrong, because this is probably my favourite album of theirs I have heard. It’s not as slow as their last album, it’s a lot more punchy, especially due to their change to a more electronic sound. Matt’s voice over these synths work so well, making each track feel so lush and so vibrant. The National take so many risks on this album and they all pay off, most noticeably the middle track being a loud non-electronic banger, that at first feels out of place but in context of the whole album it’s just so fitting. Sleep Well Beast was one of my most surprising albums of the year as well as being the first and only 2017 album I own on vinyl (currently). It’s just a perfect record really.

Listen 4AD Art rock, Chamber pop, Post-punk, Indietronic

4

ARCA Arca 

It’s fitting that Arca’s latest effort is his self titled, as this is the album of his that we truly get to know and understand him as a person rather as a name behind the music. It’s the first time we hear his voice, and it’s the first time he uses his own lyrics as well as his usual production in his music. It’s one of the most beautiful albums of his, and one of the most unique albums I’ve heard all year. Every track is so haunting in it’s own way. From Anoche sampling the sound of a chicken to the most poppiest on the album, Desafio, every track is so well crafted, as always to be expected on an Arca record. It’s strange, loud yet atmospheric and oddly calming. I really hope Arca continues to put himself at the forefront of his music in his future.

Listen XL Art pop, Glitch, Ambient, IDM

3

KELELA Take Me Apart

It’s always a great feeling when one of the most anticipated albums of mine turns out to be one of my favourites. That is the case for Kelela’s first official album Take Me Apart, a sensual r&b pop album that is so esquistely crafted. Kelela puts her sexuality, her mind and her thoughts all on display, with her best collection of tracks yet. Continuing with her innovative production and her sharp lyricsm, Kelela’s debut is an incredible effort, one that makes me so hopeful for the future of r&b and pop music.

Listen Warp Alternative R&B, Art pop, Electropop

2

PERFUME GENIUS No Shape

It was really hard for me to place this at number two after spending most of the year calling it my album of the year, but as much as I love this album I had to place it at number two due to being surprised by another release. Not to take away or undermine it’s shine though, PERFUME GENIUS’ latest album No Shape is the best album he’s ever done. It’s loud, intense and gay as hell. It doesn’t shy away from its feelings. No Shape is his boldest and most articulate album, with tracks like Slip Away being an abrasive yet inspiring anthem, to Die 4 You, a dreamy triphop banger that plays with love song cliches in the most refreshing way. I’ve seen No Shape cited as a modern day Hounds of Love and I understand why somebody would say that. It really is a Kate Bush inspired album and that’s evident, but it’s something so unique, something so rare and original, just like Hounds of Love was for its time. Just like Perfume Genius was one of the first artists I saw live and felt a deep connection with through a performance, No Shape is one of those albums that I will always treasure, and although it’s not my album of the year, it is already one of my favourite albums of all time.

Listen Matador Singer-songwriter, Art pop, Indie rock

1

BROCKHAMPTON Saturation Trilogy

My album of the year is Saturation by Brockhampton. When I say Saturation, i’m referring to the trilogy that is. I had to put the three Satuaration’s together, because I couldn’t talk about one without mentioning the other two. Why? Because they are all fucking good. Too good. I’m still wrapping my head around the whole thing. Saturation I, II and III consist of everything I want out music. Ambition, passion, authenticity, innovation, experimentation, heart,  sexuality, chemistry, impeccable writing... and the list can go on and on. They do everything right. They tick all of the fucking boxes. There are bangers, there are Frank Ocean esque guitar ballads. There are moments that are unlike anything you’ve ever heard before. There are bars that are so fucking funny. There are countless catchy hooks. Saturation defies genre and conventionality. Saturation is an example of what can happen if you do what the fuck you want with your friends. I can’t hype it up anymore. Saturation defines music in 2017 for me. Saturation is my favourite album of the year. Listen I / Listen II / Listen III BROCKHAMPTON, Empire, Question Everything Experimental hip hop, Pop rap, Hardcore hip hop, Alternative R&B