#anyways thats my life rn 🙃

[scalpelsister]

what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.

[dogbunni]

I have been on semi-haitus bc I recently got diagnosed with hypertension (at 24!!!! what da fuck!) so I've been trying to reduce some stress in my life while also trying to like figure out what I need to change diet/lifestyle wise and get all the testing done that I need to get done and figure out medication w my Dr. it's been kind of a lot

[honeyedbrie]

me: on the verge of having a panic attack in the toronto airport bc my impulsive barely planned trip is impulsiving and not going according to.. vibes (i cant say plans bc deadass what planning?)

team go rocket grunt at the pride flag pokestop: you don't belong here, go home!

me: bitch do not tempt me!!!

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

SAD

This might seem a bit silly but. We're getting new windows put in tomorrow. This is a window in my bedroom that's never been changed since the house was built in the 50s. It's a latch window, it's single glazed, and the wooden frame has been rotting for as long as I can remember. But I love this window. I love using the latch to open it on a hot day to get the most breeze possible into my room. I love the aesthetic of this old window on our house that has had many renovations over the years. I've lived in this house since '99 when I was only 18 months old, and the room this window is in has been my bedroom since about 2004. So I'm going to miss it a lot. It feels weird to be sad about a window but that's where I'm at right now.

[1d1195]

WDYM YOUR STUDENTS DIDNT KNOW WHO HARRY WAS?!?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? I swear some of them HAD to be lying???! Like my parents know who Harry is and I literally have never mentioned anything remotely related to Harry to them?! Plus my parents aren’t super into American pop culture like that lol Anyways it’s a WIN for you that your bf looks similar to Harry lol

It’s so sweet that you and 🐱anon met like that! Thats so cute!!

BESTIE LITERALLY ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!? THAT IS DING HARRY?! I JUST GASPED!!this is creating images in my head that are making me spiral 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 he’s so hot I can’t! The vibes he’s giving off is so mature MAN yet in a hot way? Idk if that makes any sense lol Plus I’m always excited for anything you do!

Things have to get better, WE BOTH NEED TO WIN!!! And I’m sorry you’re having a rough time too :( I completely get spreading yourself thin and not feeling alright! I think the world just feels too overwhelming rn and of course personal stuff gets in the way but I hope you remember to take a second to breathe and just stay a bit grounded! And nope you’re not being extra,you’re allowed to feel like this it probably only feels a bit “extra” bc it’s probably getting to a point where is a bit much and I’m sorry for that :( Also hoping that your break come SOON you deserve a little break!

And no need to feel bad about my exam! Literally it was SOMETHING but it’s done at least lol and bestie the hot was SO SWEET! I’ve never seen him until yesterday but he was so nice! He came in a bit flustered because he almost when to the wrong building lol but he told me good luck and kinda just hit it off like convo was flowing very naturally before we started the exam! Nothing came out of it though bc I don’t even know his name lol but it was nice to just have that little moment lol

Oh you don’t have to thank you! I genuinely enjoy getting to chat with you! It doesn’t feel like a chore or anything! You always make me smile! I love you and I hope that your week gets better! Thank you for always being there for me! I LOVE YOU BESTIE!-💜

Tbh I don't see too much of Harry in my bf. But this is a little snippet of something from my classroom hehehe it’s from a magazine that I got at Barnes and Noble last year 😂 the kids think I’m crazy (which is probs accurate)

My dad literally called me during the Manchester United game a month ago or whatever and told me Harry was a big deal and he always calls me when the news announces that 1D is having their anniversary every july. So I also think it’s impossible that they don’t know who Harry is if my dad knows who he is. They’ll also say “do you like Harry” and I’m like “what gave it away?”

Yes! He’s going to be younger but that’s the hair and vibe I want for him 🤭

I hope you run into our new hottie again. I know he won’t replace hot professor but a hottie is a hottie 😭

Life is extremely overwhelming lately! Just added like another 700 things to my to do list 🙃 I hope we get an easy week. Love you bestie! 😭💕

Xoxo

[asakurahaos]

I was supposed to start seeing a new therapist today but couldnt go, so i was (again) going through all the things i should tell her when i do eventually go, and the thing that was last on that list was the fact that sometimes i just feel like pieces of me are just... resting? as in like stopping? falling away from me? idk how to properly explain it but ill try better when i talk to her. Anyways. The point was, i can feel pieces of me shutting down, and one time when i felt a piece 'go', i had the thought that i will fall asleep one time and just wont wake up bc ill completely shut down. And just now, i was thinking of that moment and trying to convince myself i cant rly sense things like that, that im just too obsessed w death, that its all in my head etc and opened youtube to take my mind off of it all...

Only to it to open to a short from a hospice nurse talking about people (not her patients & otherwise healthy ppl) who felt like they were going to die and did die soon after, with people in the comments talking abt their experiences w ppl close to them feeling the same thing i am feeling rn 🙃

One of them said their SIL felt like she always felt like she was going to die young, and thats what ive always felt too. Since i was abt 7 i felt that i was going to die at 33 (or early 30s in general). Im turning 30 in 4½ months. Ive always been super afraid of death, but now im feeling calm about it all.

Idk its all super weird to me cause like. I dont really mind dying but also i want to have some fun/happiness, but the thought of 'why does it matter when im going to die soon anyways' is stopping me. I have things i want to buy bc it would make me very happy to have them but i keep thinking, 'okay, but what will my family do w this after im gone? Im just gonna waste more money and leave them w things that will collect dust + be painful reminders of me, and i dont want to do that to them.'

I want to get rid of these thoughts. I want them gone. I want to live. I want to live longer than my 30s and i want to be healthy and happy and i want to enjoy life. Im so tired of this all. I want new experiences and new people in my life and to travel and visit my friends and family who live far away. I dont want to be paralyzed by the thoughts of death and 'why does it matter'. I want to refurnish my room - something ive always put off due to my 'close' death. I wish i could see my future, at least a glimpse of it, even if its really bad, just to know im still here.

[loveireandblog]

And Croatia! Bc I went on holiday w a fucking racist, drunk, suicidal LANDLORD . THEY BOTH HAD me come back a shell of a human I can't even reiterate it enough but atleast w croatia I came back w a bit of vivacity.

FUCK Kai. Seriously fuck kai! And it had to be my fucking bfs fucking central group of fucking FRIENDS. NOBODY LIKED KAI! THEY ALL SPOKE HORRIBLY OF THEM. And in their twisted fucking head it was like a battle of the partners which in time afterwards has become extremely apparent Now basically not cos of me bc they're selfish bastards who don't stick up for eachother let alone me the rando gf of bf anyway they've made a boundary against kai now instead of licking their arsehole and hating soon as they were gone (and at the same time whole time in Rome bf is like I'm distraught! I want you guys to gel so goooood. But kai! And I'm like no...I do not like. Your friends. And they were like but they're sticking by kai for _gf of kai_ and i was like right but they are being duplicitous to the extreme and they r closer to kai + whT did I fucking do 🙃. Mistake of my life. Take it all personally. He's always saying get out n make friends I actually cannot believe I cared looking back I'm now solidified in my small circle. There was 3 people n Kai n bf. And 2 of those people apologised later n said it was a witch hunt. Just to rly make clear the call isn't from inside the house but now I've said that but idc

They just deal w kai bc she's _ gf and I'm like in what fucking world and then when kai was acting up w me bf didn't stick up for me in real time - he said its bc he cld see how much I was struggling water under bridge but instead what stuck in my extreme chokehold head is mirror images w a bad brain - my nemesis. If you put a filter onto things in my world ur gone. I am filter central lol I'm gonna cry I find it very hard to climb down frm all ledges n it's where I go. Posi twist is that I'm good! I'm fine! I am just fucking petrified of my own traps!!!!!)

and thats it that's where I am now tryna fucking scrape money to look after myself as I see that was after being agoraphobic (keeps happening in extremely intense bursts for wks and rn I'm in a pretty okay one where its every few days atleast but idk if "can only go out w someone in tow" but can do gym! And corner shop! And town centre and cinema. A train to a diff city on my own? What once was my extreme usual has disappitated) after covid threw me into warrington and I spent a lot of time indoors pulling me back to Home days & no community.

I pushed myself out and absolutely yes coincidentally (bc I couldn't believe it) the 2 holidays were brutal and i was extremely vulnerable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but they were indeed brutal! The stories (when told properly) has everyone flabbergasted! They question! Why did Sam for example come on this family holiday? The other carer was like urrrr ill politely decline. What cesspit of shit boundaries was going on there pray

Or kai and bf . He has shit fucking friends. Like that's his baggage

I see my own logic in the things that happened rather than their symbols and I am PRAYING AGAINST HOPE the mirror thing adds up I sound mental but that's ocd for u - and compulsively eclipsing n ruining along the way apparently apppppareeeently but I am not okay and i thought I'd figured out the illogical nature enough to bypass. No. That was days of old 👍. As I keep repeating the better I get, the worse the bdd is getting.

ROME *RUINED* MY LIFE OR I JUST SAW PROPERLY IM NOT ENTIRELY SURE BUT I LITERALLY and i came back as Nothing and then building up bc I don't wanna /die/ and it's all wRONG

[paradisexplague]

Anon confession.. I'm really fuckin depressed but not the kms kind, its more like I dont know a single thing to do with my life because everything feels pointless and lost and like nothing matters.. anyway, yeah thats it I'm just lost and don't know what to do 🙃

i really wanna give you a hug rn, i‘m so sorry that you feel this way, but trust me i can totally understand it, i’m just as lost as you. remember that you don’t have to go through things alone, if you have no one to talk to you can always contact me, you‘re never alone!

[mybiasisexo]

😍 MUTUAL APPRECIATION 🤤

HELLO~! So this is my first ever mutual appreciation post. ive been wanting to make one for a long time bc whether you've been following me for years or weeks, I genuinely enjoy the connection that is a mutual following. most of yall ive never talked to before but thats not gonna stop me from showering you with affection!! I hope we can all stay like this for a while!! im giving you a virtual hug rn and its gonna be long so dont get uncomfortable!!! bless you all and hope you have a great 2019!!!!!  💓❣️💕💖💗💘💙💚💛💜💝💞🧡❤️🖤😍💟

@baekberrie - soft 😌. so so soft for bbh and I appreciate that and need more of it in my life. your stories always make me feign for him in the worst/best way! Keep up the good work!!! *standing ovation*

@baek-me-right - you say you're a suhoe I say where??? no but tbh you have a url I just know when I see it. a rare multi fandom blog I can obviously tolerate, its not too much. Well balanced like my diet lacks. Anyways, I hope that in the future we can get well acquainted 😊

@baekphia - tbh???? im still shooketh. You’re one of the most popular exo blogs and you follow lil ol me. I feel bad tho cause I'm always late to the party so you'll prob never reblog anything from me but aye hopefully my tags make up for it 😬! I hope that we can talk soon~🙃

@bitten-by-the-kai-lovebug - RIN! you were the first friend I made on here so you will always have a special place in my heart. you are also the only friend on here that has a tag name with me in it (if you ever want to revisit our convos its under rinjin). hope all is going well! I know you out there grinding! hit me up whenever you're on so we can catch up!!

@blvenight - a shinee mutual. You keep my heart full and I love your tags, especially ksoo ones cause SAME

@brokeandjetlagged - I want to be your friend sooooo bad 😭. you're not on much but your stories are a1. when I first found you I was reading one of your sehun stories and it was so similar to the one I had just posted and I remember hoping you didnt think I stole the idea from you cause I didnt!! I promise!!! anyways I look forward to more of your works and hope to see you on more!!

@byunfirstlady- you are one if not the biggest supporters of mine! Whenever I post any of my writings its def with you in mind!! I hope that you continue to enjoy my stories, cause I will always enjoy your feedback!! Thank you!

@cave-0 - lmaooo idk if I should actually be tagging you in this but since we are mutuals it is what it is. the only person I know irl that follows this god awful blog. I love you. I miss you. thanks for not reading my tags to me in person lmao

@certifiedtostaystrapped - well, you're me. I love you binch!!! lets get this bread!!!

@chaisoo - a cutie??? a cutie 😌. we love a stan. I’m happy you were able to be blessed by yixing’s presence and love watching you fangirl haha. 

@chanbaektiful - you're as multifandom as it gets and I respect that!!! Its odd bc I feel like I dont see you a lot on my dash :/. if you ever need to fangirl with someone over exo--particularly chanyeol, you know where to find me 👀

@g-exo - firstably you are so adorable. Your writing is adorable. the way you ���talk’ is adorable and im sorry im a shit replier. take care of yourself girlie and hit me up whenever you need to vent about anything. I’m not that great with advice BUT im an awesome listener

@jeulgi - you're perfect. thats it!! haha but yeah I feel like you havent really been on here much this year. I miss seeing you on my dash! But I get it. You’ve introduced me to so many things and I appreciate the love you have for all of it but most importantly exo of course 

@jhopeismybutthole - GIRL!! we've been mutuals for awhile. we havent talked much if at all but I still consider you a close mutual lmao. See you're still doing the reactions, keep up the good work!!!!

@jodecicryforluna - live for the url live for the quality blog 🤷🏾‍♀️. you're right and you should say it!!!

@jongiinns - IVY!!!!! a long time mutual whom I love and adore. I see you popping in from time to time but I dont wanna harass you lmao. know that I miss you tho and am always thinking of you ❤️

@kais-ride-or-die - pretty sure you're inactive but still a mutual nonetheless. hope all is going well!!!!

@kanye-hyung - first I am LIVING for your url. everytime I see it I just like get hyped yknow? we've been mutuals for a while which is wild bc idk if we've ever talked but thats ok! maybe some day in the future that'll change! keep up the quality content bb!!! 

@korean-ninja-penguin - everything about your blog is so nonchalant and like yeah and I adore it. you stick to your word on bringing us quality humor and Kpop even sometimes blending the two and I respect that ✊🏾

@ksoosheaux - you're so pretty! and you remind me a lot of myself cause we the same age and both have October bdays and are both from Florida and our lil sisters are the same age too!! You're another one I find really intimidating which is so lame cause I feel we have so much in common! 

@kyungsooskhakipants - I forgot we were mutuals cause I didn’t think you followed me :/. I live for your tags!! I’ll try to hit you up often to fangirl with haha

@kyungtoe - did you change your url recently 🤔??? imma be honest I have no idea who you are and ive been following you for a while. im sorry :/. hopefully we can change that tho!!!!

@kyungwhore - you're on hiatus rn but hopefully when you come back you'll see this 😊. You're lowkey intimidating haha you seem to have a great circle of friends on here which is nice! I hope all is well and that you come back better than ever!!!

@laysoo-l - imma be real with you rn... I love you. we barely talk but I love you and thats that on that!

@mininjas - JAS!!!! now im not gonna be mad that you left me for a real life man. I understand like thats the ultimate goal. but 2016 really bonded us and I mean we facetimed each other when I was drunk and tbh nothing will ever beat that for me 😭. I miss you so much and hope that we can meet in person some day!!!

@oh-ottoke - Hello??? I feel like we’ve been mutuals for a while. I KNOW your icon haha. You are one of the few bts stans I follow, which says a lot lmao. Glad you’re doing your thing. Hope to continue seeing you on my dash!!! 

@panic-hispanic-at-the-disco - you are my meme queen!!! whenever I need a good laugh your blog will never disappoint!!! thank you for your service lmao 

@park-chanyeezy - you're not on much but I think you mentioned something about changing that???? if so it will be great to see you on my dash again. if not, I understand, be free my lil birdie!!!

@puervy - I live for your aesthetic. Everything about your blog is so beautiful. We’ve never talked before, but I've been watching out for you. Glad everything seems to be going well!! Hit me up whenever you want to talk about life or just fangirl about exo!!!

@ravyeolii - another one of my writing supporters!! You’re awesome! and we def need to talk more outside of the writing realm! Hit me up whenever! Lets talk!!

@sehun-ist - I dont think you're on here anymore but there really isn't anyone that I know that loves sehun with as much passion as you and thats the tea on that!!!

@simplesunbeam - do you know what Kpop is?? lmao well either way you have a beautifully inspiring blog and thats why im still here!!!

@sleepytea5 - dimon.... you are literally the only person who I tried desperately to get to follow me lmao. I remember trying to impress you for so long cause I wanted to be your friend so bad!!! you are one of my og mutuals. its interesting to see how you've grown throughout the years. I know you've been going through it, but I believe in you and hope for your happiness. love you 💖

@stars-in-the-galaxy - now correct me if im wrong but you're kind of one of those silent bloggers. I see you. I appreciate you. lets make this bread!!

@the-pizza-lich - STEVIE!!! I feel like you're my older sister lmao. we need to fangirl over exo more thats a FACT ☝🏾. you always speak your truth and are so intellectual yet so funny. you always have me dying!!!! we've been mutuals for a long while and im so glad 💜

@timetohajima - the astrology queen! I want to get into astrology so bad ever since I found your blog! I really want to get my chart read also so I need to learn quickly. I’m glad you’re feeling better and pray your health stays on the good side! 

@tinypcy - no complaints here! awesome blog! we've been mutuals for a long time but havent ever really talked which is a shame 🚶🏾‍♀️

@xiuminsmygrandpa - your blog is a1. its quality content across the board!! Unfortunately thats all I got so we def need to talk and change that!!

@yeolaconda - you're not on as much but its ok bc that url will forever be #Iconic

@yourmajestyqueenchelseachels - jbs goddess!!! You are so funny and pretty and lovely. A breath of fresh air!! I know you out there rn grinding and im hoping for the best!! next time you go to Korea tho pls take me thanks!!! haha

@yubarikai - NIKKI WHERE ARE YOU?!!?!? I miss you :/. pls come back so we can fangirl over kai more pls thanks love you 😥

[wheresmulder]

In my extensive experience there are quite a few racists in the Wheel of Time fandom. They're especially bad on reddit but they've made their way to Tumblr as well. Engaging with them is a fruitless endeavor unfortunately. They rarely ever admit to being wrong about anything. After spending years arguing with them I personally try to block them on sight these days. It's really sad but there are lots of good people too! I truly hope this guy doesn't discourage you from engaging with the fandom.

Oh ty but I'm not discouraged 🤣🤣🤣 not even close especially not by racism bc at this point the racists are losing sooooo bad rn like HOW DOES IT FEEL THAT HALF THE CAST ARE POC???? Bc for me? PARA MI? It Feels fucking PHENOMENAL 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 COULD NOT BE MORE PLEASED literally love to fucking see it and love even more to see ppl mad about it 💕💕💕💕💕

But in this situation they didn't say anything racist on my post, i just saw their top post was one lamenting that the show runners were picking black people for "white characters" (as if it fucking matters) bc oMg mUh bOoK dEsCriptiOnS but that was totally unrelated to my post

No this bitch just rly thought they told me some shit I never thought abt before 🤣🤣🤣 like omg I never would have considered that moiraine might use rand 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 and he might not be comfy telling her shit 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 like im not sitting here reading the fucking books myself and couldn't draw that fucking conclusion that has been beat over my head by every book so far in the series (I'm on book 4 thats a couple thousand pages of rand not trusting moiraine) like goddamn man, you don't say, this is brand new information 🤣🤣🤣🤣 tysm 4 your insight 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 yeaaaaaah no that shit is so insufferable. And on a shitpost I made in 30 seconds. It ain't that fucking deep and I Definitely didn't ask. AND DID NOT ASK FOR THAT SPOILER THEY HAD TO SLIP IN THERE🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 TYSM

It literally kills me that the mf didn't even know wtf my post was about 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 EGWENE HAVING A DREAM ABOUT MAT LOOKING HER DEAD IN HER FACE AND SAYING HEY HO IMA COME FIND YOU and her being like damn what a weird thing to dream about well anyway,,, only to find out that hm I guess mat rly was coming for me after all 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and also to a lesser extent perrin was trying to convince himself the wolf dreams weren't Significant bc he was in denial still.. But yeah rand is the only character in the books, my bad I forgot 😅

Maybe this guy is just salty that his 1k word dissertations get 10 notes and my 30 second no effort vagueblogging shitpost has ten times the notes??????.........???? idfk ????? Get a life???????

This was a nice message tho thank you and feel free to message me off anon whenever 💕 everyone I've talked to so far in the wot fandom is super nice and I'll be blocking that person as soon as I know they've read my response