#anyways sorry i havent responded to any positive ask stuff | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cyanora · 5 years ago

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For the most recent ask game (if it isn’t too late) can I ask for 8, 10, 12, 13, 16, 20, 22, 25, 27, 28, 31, 34, 40, 41, 46, 53, and 55 please? Sorry if it’s a bit much >~

Never to late for asks of any kind! You are actually the only one to ask anything so I would die for you now. Thanks for the long ask!

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Yes. Well, annoyance and frustration.

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Depends on the emotion tbh. I like to think I hide pain and anger pretty well, but other than that no.

12 What is something you want rignt now?

A 4th season of the new She ra and 2nd of The Umbrella Academy.

13 How do you feel right now?

Okay. Pretty good as long as I forget my looming responsibilitys.

16 Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?

Yes. Its usually better that I hold my tongue.

20 What is your favorite song at the moment?

Hmm it changes daily, but its Mean by Taylor Swift now.

22 Description of crush?

Which one?

Anyone who actually listens to me and cares I fall for for a few weeks exept my therapist tbh. But there is... two, actually, that are still. Really cute. And nice. And funny. And self-deppricating. Oh, I have a type. One a girl (kinda) and one a guy, ironically. (An guy, gal, and enby walk into a bar...)

25 Role Model?

Jacksepticeye. He's been open about overcoming his stuggles with mental health while also doing his best to promote positivity and help others while having fun and making jokes.

27. Things I hate?

Ignorance and Hate and saying the wrong thing

28 I'll love you if...

You get me to talk about myself. Or give me breadsticks. Or money. Or, y'know, be there for me or some sappy shit y'know

31. 3 random facts?

1. I'm very proud of how much work I've gotten done on my first novel.

2. I just finished marathoning the new She ra in spanish with english subs to try and work on my listening comp.

3. I have an essay due by midnight that I should have worked on yesterday and bow have to wait for my dad to het home so I can take his laptop to do it.

34 Most embarrassing moment?

I. Plead the fifth.

40 Favorite Memory?

Going to a Governors conference. I was surrounded by friendly queers, made friends, got free stuff and also a 20 dollar water bottle and my parents never found out and I really befriended one of my best friends there. Also free food.

41 Relationship status?

Single. Probably isnt ready for a relationship anyway, my last one was. Not Good.

46 What does my last text message say?

Its 'mum??' Because she was late picking me up and wasnt responding.

53. 5 things that make me happy?

1. People complimenting my art/writing! I almost died from pure joy once because someone wrote like. a mini essay on everything I did right.

2. People genuinely askimg about me.

3. Being able to dream about headcanons of my fandoms.

4. Breadsticks.

5. Drawing/writing when inspired.

55 Tumblr friends?

I'm not. Actually sure what this one means. Like tumblrs I consider friends? I followed a group of friends from Pride Camp (that i havent talked to since), @feral-pansexual is deff a friend. And @lonely-pancake seems pretty cool judging by their tastes in posts although Ive never. directly interacted with them.

#long post #ask meme #about me #personal?

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skizmin · 7 years ago

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you’re my favourite constellation.

stargazing!au, friends to lovers with han jisung

(this giF IM SCREAMING CUTIE)

request from @straybin: Can I request a stray kids jisung friends to lovers star gazing au! Your aus are super sweet I loved the seungmin one!

(thank you so much ily 💝💓💖💕💞💘💗)

alright lets get straight into it

so youre a highschool student with an affinity for astrology, like, you love it

for your birthdays you get astrology books and maps and even once a really cool telescope!!

its just what you love, okay?

anyway, recently youd moved in with your cousin who lived alone and needed a roommate, plus it was closer to your school than your own home.

you parents practically shoved you in there with short notice (at least they were paying rent and grocery expenses) and you were like well okay

you didnt mind your cousin at all, but she can be a bit excitable and overbearing sometimes but you have to deal with it really

“dUDE i gotta show you something follow me”

you were unpacking when your cousin said this, you set down your telescope and followed her out the front door. your cousin lived in an apartment block basically, she was on the third story out of five. there was a very cute young family across the hall from you guys n stuff

anyway she kept going up and up these stairs and you were like where the fUck are we going im so tired

she laughed and said you were almost there and proceeded to push open a big heavy door

wow

you were in complete awe

in front of you was a massive open roof, the setting sun and the wide sky completely in view from all points, and when you looked up? oh my god it just seemed so clear

“you like stargazing dont you? youre allowed to come up here all you want as long as you dont make a ruckus yeah?”

you agreed, smiling W I D E and attacking your cousin in a hug

like,, two weeks later?

you still hadnt gone stargazing on the roof yet

on top of moving in and mid term school, it was a struggle to deal with so you just didnt have the time at the moment

untillll you had a falling out with a friend. it wasnt anything too serious but a few hurtful truths were said and the added stress of everything else going on, it was just overwhelming

so when you got home that afternoon, you packed a small box with your telescope, your notebook and pens, a couple of your astrology study books and two big blankets

then, after you made and ate dinner with your cousin, you made a big cup of hot chocolate (or coffee or tea or a moccha, whatever you prefer) and told your cousin you were going upstairs and youd probably be back late so youd take a key in case she was asleep

your cousin agreed and watched you balance the massive mug and your box in your hands and also the two big pillows you spontaneously grabbed as you walked out

arriving on the roof, you laid everything out, not bothering to set up your telescope just yet and you sat back sipping your hot drink

you didnt know when you started to cry but it happened, and soon enough you where silent sobbing on your own letting out a few sniffles here and there. life was just too busy and overwhelming at the moment

it was about half an hour later when you stopped sobbing, you were still crying, wiping your tears from your face every minute or so, this was when the door to the roof opened and shut

you thought it would just be your cousin so you stayed still and aited for her to find you and comfort you

the the felt a foot hit your thigh and heard a whisper shout of “hoLY FUCK”

you sat up, hastily wiping your tears as you tried to see the dark figure in front of you, they had turned on their torch and were now shining it directly into your eyes

“i am so sOrry i didnt even see you there, were you sleeping? oh god i cant believe i just almost stepped on you- wait? are you crying? oh my god”

it was some sort of god in front of you, you were sure. perfectly tanned skin, gorgeous doe like eyes, soft cheeks and pink lips. you were pretty much mesmerised, even as he crouched down in front of you

“hey, im sorry. i really didnt mean it its just dark out, are you okay? i didnt hurt you did i?”

he sounded so unbelievably guilty that you felt bad, snapping out of it you responded with a choked out “im sorry, im fine, its okay!”

the boy in front of you smiled out of relief, eyes lingering on you before looking at the set-up around you

“im jisung, i live on 2nd floor. i havent seen you around before, i didnt know we had new neighbours”

he looked at you and tilted his head in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips set in a slight pout. your heartbeat involuntarily picked up at the sight

“oh! im uh- im y/n, i just moved in with my cousin y/c/n, she lives on third floor...” you awkwardly and shyly looked down to the ground, hastily tidying up the mess of notebooks and your hot drink as he replied

“oh! y/c/n! i know her, shes really nice. how old are you? you look a bit younger than her honestly” his brows furrowed further and he smiled lightly when you looked up at him, he was still crouching in front of you

“oh, im 17, she lives closer to my school than my parents and she needed a housemate, so here i am!” you laughed really nervously and looked down at your fingers again

jisung smiled to himself, ah, theyre cute

“oh, im the same age then!” he laughed before looking away slightly, asking the difficult question, “are you sure youre okay? you look like youve been crying,”

dread crushed your chest, he’d seen you crying, this was really embarassing for you

“oh nothing! i was just- uh, i was just a bit stressed is all” you held your breath, hoping jisung wouldnt pry any further, you really didnt want to talk about it

he laughed good heartedly, “ah yeah, we all get a bit like that sometimes. what are you doing up here though? its freezing, are you studying or something? waiT IS THAT A TELESCOPE?!”

it was your turn to laugh, this kid was really positive and seemed to know how to take a hint

“im stargazing! my cousin said i could come up here but, if you need to roof then dont worry ill go down its no porblem”

you looked at his face this time as you spoke and oh my god stop smiling at me like that

“stargazing? thats so cool! dont worry, i only came up here for some fresh air, my housemates are a bit loud. so what, do you just look at the stars and planets or?” he finally sat dwn next to you. “can you show me a constellation?”

you giggled and nodded, you whole body tingling because of the close proximity of your bodies and the idea of the stereo-typically romantic thing you were about to do. “we need to lay back okay?”

you laid back, he followed, his head was lost to to yours and his hands rested on his stomach, he turned his head to look at you

m i s t a k e

you didnt turn to him. you were bright red at the feel of his breath fanning across your face you kept your head straight on the sky

“now what?” he softly whispered it to you, your stomach violently dipped and your heart practically stopped

youre all “uhhhh uh- well, uh, you just um- see that sorta diamond of stars over there? and then it sorta uh, has a triangle on top?”

jisung follows your line of eyesight and tries to focs on specific stars that make out the shape, he sees it “oH! i see it!”

“yeah, thats lyra, its a harp basically.”

jisung squints and you lightly turn your head to him, not fully, just enough to see his face. “oh, it does look like a harp i guess, whys it there?”

“it represents the lyre of orpheus, who was a greek poet and musician, he was killed though...”

“wow, thats sad but also so cool...” jisungs phone buzzes, you see its a message from someone called minho, asking where he is

“crap, y/n, ive gotta go but um. i really liked talking to you and im really interested in the stars now, it seems like theyve all got stories. would you mind teaching me again sometime?”

he was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly

“oh! um- yeah of course i will, i mean, yeah definitely!”

you realised you didnt have his phone, so you couldnt really get your number for him

he saw you looking and spoke up “uh, maybe just next time, um, come and grab me? my apartment is number 6, im almost always there if im not at school really. just, whenever youre going up and you feel like some company, come knock on the door or something?”

you smiled, the thought made you nervous but you did want to see jisung again. “okay, of course.”

he smiled brightly at you, you cursed your heart again, “great! ill get going then, dont stay for too long okay? youll get a cold.” he stood up and waved to you

“bye jisung!” you call out softly as he walks away

you leave not long after he left, it felt boring on your own suddenly. you didnt even remember youd been crying at all, it felt like a massive weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

you slept so easily that night, dreaming of the stars and jisung.

a week and a half later? it was a friday night

you were packing your box to go stargazing again when you remembered jisung, you wanted to bring him along with you. he might be busy, but you packed an extra couple of blankets and soem pillows and placed them just inside your door before you went downstairs to go and get him

you were so nervous as you knocked on the door, preparing for utter embarrassment. the door opened up tho

“oh, youre not the complex owner thank god.” you were greeted by someone possibly younger than you, he had reddish hair and a sweet smile. “how can i help you?’

you tried to block out the screeches coming from inside the apartment, you could hear about five voices screaming at once “im uh, im y/n, im from upstairs? i was wondering if jisung was here at all?”

he smirked, like he knew something you didnt. “sure one sec, im seungmin by the way.” he turned away from you and screamed into the apartment “jiSUNG, SOMEONES HERE FOR YOU, HURRY UP.”

“coMING!!” was heard throughout the apartment followed by a “fELiX gEt ofF Of mE” and seungmin smiled awkwardly at you before a head popped past the wall into the entrance way

“oh! y/n! you came!” he tried to walk over to the door but you noticed a body dragging on his legs.

“jiSUNG PLEASE DO MY CHORES FOR ME.” the boy yelled at jisungs feet

seungmin laughed, looking at you saying “ill leave you to it” before jogging over to a tangled up jisung and who you presumed was felix and tearing felix from jisungs body, dragging him away

“uh, sorry about that, hes lazy and pathetic.” jisung laughed, so did you

“i was just wondering if you were free? i was about to go up to the roof..”

jisung smiled brightly, “of course, let me get my coat and phone.”

once he was ready you two went up to your apartment, you told him to come in and wait a bit while you made him a hot drink of hit choice, then you grabbed some pillows and your box and you both walked up the remaining flights of stairs to the roof

it was the beginning of a tradition really, youd go down and grab him, his housemates would call for him as soon as the saw you, before he left theyd whisper things into his ear that made him blush but you simply shrugged it off

after about two months of going up to the roof together, you admitted to yourself that you liked him

a lot

you liked his smile, his voice, how he was endlessly making you happy, you liked he warmth of when hed lie next to you and the way he’d rest a hand on your lower back, guiding you up the stairs. you liked his goodbye hugs and the way he’d hold your hands the one week you couldnt find your gloves. you liked how he was so interested in the stars like you, but you considered giving up looking at the sky to simply look into his eyes because they held galaxies within them. you liked the way he’d whisper your name to check if you were awake and the gentle touch of his fingertips when he brushed your hair out of your eyes

you liked him so much, you couldnt deny it. it crushed you in a way, you thought he would never like you back, and you increasingly got more nervous and drifted away bit by bit

one night, you were up on the roof and jisung sighed loudly, you asked him what was wrong

“can i rant a little bit? please?” jisung had puppy eyes as he sat up and looked at you, you sat up as well and nodded for him to go on

“ah, this is hard,” he started before looking at the pot plants next to your set up that were the centrepiece of the rooftop,

“i um, basically i like this uh, this person right? i like them as more than a friend,” your heart clenched and dropped to your stomach. oh. this was heart break. “we’ve been friends for a while and i thought, well, yeah i thought id been quite obvious with my feelings. i hoped that their shyness was them maybe reciprocating my feelings but? maybe not. lately theyve just-”

jisung huffed and looked up at you again, your heart got caught in your throat, you could see he was nervous about telling someone about his crush and he looked sad talking about the unfortunate circumstances

“theyve been distancing themselves from me. they flinch away we i try to be more affectionate and- and they just dont seem like they like me anymore. not even in a romantic way, in a friend way. and im just upset i guess. ive never ever liked someone this much before, every night im filled with these feelings of just wanted to cuddle with them and take them on dates and hold their hands and- and kiss them. the whole package. it hurts, y/n. why dont they like me?”

the sad feeling you was feeling showed in your voice as you replied. “youre a great person jisung, theyd be an idiot not to like you, seriously. i cant think of someone more deserving of love than you.” you tried to nervously look into his eyes

“then why dont they like me y/n? no one ever likes me.” he was still looking down onto the ground

“i like you jisung.”

oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no W O R D V O M I T

you clenched your eyes shut, your heart was beating rapidly, you cant believe you just said that when hed just been speaking about liking someone else. you wanted to cry, to bury yourself alive, anything to get out of that situation.

“really? what?” he snapped his head up, staring at you wide eyed and shocked

“nevermind jisung, forget i said it, i didnt mean to make it awk-”

jisung cupped your cheeks, you felt his warm palms and cool fingertips before you felt his lips, slightly chapped yet soft

your mind was going crazy, you barely managed to move your lips along with jisungs before he parted away, still holding your cheeks and smiling widely

“out of all the stars in this world, youre the brightest y/n.”

you died inside before realising he liked you, all the things he said earlier were about you

jisungs eyes were hopeful, happy, loving, especially when you smiled at him so purely

“jisung, kiss me again.”

and he did, pulling you into his lap and letting you tangle your fingers into his hair

he even kissed you outside your apartment, giggling in happiness and tugging you into his body before saying goodbye

jisung couldnt remember a time he’d been this happy, and honestly, neither could you.

finish!! hope you liked it omg

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sodrippy · 6 years ago

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really about to expose my lack of empathy on main here and im aware that this is a big problem i have but honestly? honestly speaking i dont actually care if someone reads this and thinks im a bad person bc i live here every single day not you lol!

god Yikes!! my ma got a new job and shes in the process of like doing the paperwork and putting in her resignation and stuff and shes been in a right fucking MOOD the whole time and keeps just fucking yelling at us over nothing and i know shes partly mad that we havent been enthusiastic or supportive about it but first off she didnt even fucking tell me she got the job until i asked her if they responded to her and she was like ‘i already told you’ which she didnt but anyways my father has never expressed one positive emotion in his life and hes so fucking oblivious and uncaring that he didnt do or say jack, and my ma and i had some wine to celebrate and he didnt even have a sip to be like yes congrats a toast! and she got all mad about it but she never fucking SAYS anything and he doesnt know or care to understand subtext and even when she does say something she’ll either say half sentences and vague him irl or he will be like ‘so?? this isnt a big deal??’ and fuck it up as well. and the other part is its hard for her to fill out forms like this and stuff bc she doesnt know most any of her financial and whatnot details that are needed and she keeps getting frustrated and mad that ‘nobody helps her’ but then whenever i fucking try to help she yells at me??? im like okay for this you can ask them this, and she huffs and says okay!! ill just do it myself! ill handle it! like sis im HERE offering help?????? fuck me i guess! she gets mad when i try to nicely tell her its important to know those details herself bc why and how the fuck would i know her tax file number but she just gets mad over it too. anyways she went to bed early just now and i think she was almost crying bc my dad actually woke the fuck up and went inside to ask her whats wrong and stuff and its like. first off like jesus dude you fucking live with this woman and have done for nearly 30 years how can you not understand shes upset until shes crying lol (its bc shes ALWAYS fucking upset about something and after a point a person will just tune out bc thats the new normal) and going and asking her whats wrong now doesnt mean jack or shit! you shouldnt let it get to this point! but also hes there and finally FINALLY asking her whats wrong and what he did and stuff and she spent fuckin 15 minutes just being like ‘nothing. nothing its fine. its my own fault. ill deal with it’ like just fucking tell him?????? christ!!!!!!!!!

anyways im losing my fucking mind bc i dont care!!! i dont and i wont feel bad about it bc im fucking exhausted lol! my entire existence is exhausted like when i was little i was invisible until my parents needed someone new to blame or yell at, and they never showed me an ounce of sympathy or empathy or any such shit and the vindictive bitter part of me says fuck you why do you deserve that from me now?? on the other hand i try to catch myself and be better bc just perpetuating this kind of cycle is toxic and ive been ruining my own self for years out of bitterness and spite and it just left me half a person and digging further into the grave my parents so generously set up for me, so like even though she yelled at me for literally nothing i didnt even say a word, i went back to her after and tried to offer some help in her forms, but god even when i try to make a nice gesture its thrown back in my face anyways and i absolutely dont believe in idk turn the other cheek or kill them with kindness or whatever fuck that is called, if i try and youre STILL shitty to me i dont care! fuck you! goodnight! besides im sorry but no matter how awful i feel and how much i wish things were better for them and they had stability and support in their marriage, it is neither my job nor even a remote possibility for me to try and fix it for them, or teach them to communicate after 30 years, or wear myself down trying to act as a buffer between them like. yikes lmao. i never really thought my parents marriage was fucked even though i knew it wasnt super great but lately its just. i know i have a shit memory and they have definitely been fighting my entire life but its just getting unreal like. just every day is non stop and i dont fucking CARE. no offence but its fucking done neither of you is going to change and its stupid to think you will but even stupider to yell at ME about it all MOM

#i dont know what that little monkey puppet guy looking off screen like 'YIKES...' is called #but thats me in my house and also anyone who reads this post ghjfdvnxcm #its a bitch of a living!#this post is a very dramatic entry in my online diary and im sorry about it its really not that deep #but i have GOT to get that shit out of my brain bc its going stir crazy in there #anyways good fucking yard im just not about this

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hell0mega · 4 years ago

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probably meaningless rant lol

my sister has been having a really hard time recently. a local survivors/abuse callout group with 15k followers recently outed a serial abuser (like 40+ women) and it even ended up on the news. she doesn't know the guy but she's posted about the men she's had troubles with in the past on there. but the page suddenly shut down and even deactivated and no one knew what was going on, and this recent guy seemed scary enough to maybe do something to them, so she was worried.

turns out it was internal and a woman that got involved in the organization was an abuser herself. not sexually but in a power and manipulation kind of way. so to save themselves the creator just shut it down. it's been a tumultuous time for online activism, which she says she's had a lot of fun doing, but i don't know if what she experiences should be considered "fun"

she fell headfirst into sexual activism and positivity and Instagram psychology where everything is a "trauma response." she's gone through a lot of trials and tribulations in her life (she's 10 years older than me so completely different world) and the experiences she shared were in fact traumatic.

but it's made me think about how i deal with things from my past, and... I've definitely had traumatic experiences and both my past relationships were toxic as hell. i have an inate aversion to sex on top of my asexuality because of how they treated me. I'm sex positive and I'm theory like sex but initiating makes me scared. you can argue that i was lucky that they didnt push harder, or that i was strong in not giving into their tactics, but it still harmed me. and ive had to deal with it and realize these things still effected me and have talked to my bf about it at length (not exactly many details, but the kinds of things they did or SAID and how it effected me)

but i think im just at a point where i, at the very least CURRENTLY, dont feel burdened by my past. and maybe that's just because im so separated from it, having been quarantined for almost a year now and focusing on school and my home life. i think it helps that my bf is so supportive and is nothing like my exes, while my sister's even-longer bf is having trouble being there for her, which im mad about.

she described something that's been happening a lot lately and it was textbook dissociation. unlike me, who was in a near-constant state of it for a couple months, hers comes and goes, which i almost feel might be worse. it's like a switch turns on and off in her head, usually in response to something she reads, thinks, or does. and i do empathize with her there as i am also one to dissociate as a stress response (not recently, but i did go through a long period like i said) so i was able to give her some good explanations as to what was happening and advice on how to get out of it.

but she also is asking me advice about how to deal with PEOPLE. girl you're the adult here, whomst has had many many jobs and actually likes (or liked, rather, considering the pandemic) traveling and going out to have fun and socialize. i literally had to tell her "i dont really talk to people" when she asked for my input on something. and i just feel so disconnected to that problem and that mindset of WANTING to reach out, wanting to engage in things. and i don't know why.

I'm literally a communications major and i do LIKE to talk to people. i love talking to people and communicating... in real life. the more i think about it the more i realize how much i fucking hate trying to communicate over text. and i don't mean with friends, but it seems like whenever i try to comment on something, or respond to someone, or say just anything, there's someone that takes it out of context, or just doesn't have fucking reading comprehension or something despite me if anything over explaining my point. i hate social media (which is why that WON'T be my degree concentration, I'd rather die) despite me consuming it so often. but i just feel like there's no critical thinking. people need to say what they think the second they think it.

and this might make me sound like a boomer or something but boomers are the worst at this. it might make me soundhippie dippie that I'd rather talk to someone in real life than on Twitter or some shit.

this is where it stopped me from typing lol. as if anyone is reading this. anyway i guess I'm just... weirdly numb right now. and not in a no-feelings depressed kind of way, but in an... unburdened way. like i empathize and I'm not rolling my eyes out being apathetic towards any heartbreak happening that i read. but when i reflect on some things from my past that i feel like i probably havent healed from... i dont feel... anything?

is that my brain protecting itself? do i have enough on my mind already that my brain is making me not dwell on the past? is that a thing? i just feel... nothing when i think about bad past stuff, right now, to the point where i stupidly wonder why people "let" their past effect them. as if my past hasn't ever effected me or changed who i am ultimately.

I'm also weirdly disconnected from my past self. i don't have a lot of memories of my past that i can recall without something to remind me. i don't know how i acted, i don't know how i said things. then i see videos or pictures and I'm... still me. i act the same, talk the same, think the same. my hair is different but I've had the same face my whole life. is this a coping mechanism? I've always been like this

i don't know where i was really going with this. i guess I'm just dealing with a lot, including my sister's emotional issues, which she's never leaned on me before with until now. she called me 3 times in one day... we talked for 2 hours today. i replied to her innocuous message on ig and she called me cuz she saw that i was active on my phone.

I'm fine with it now but I'm worried I'll get to the point where I'll not open her (unrelated) messages or avoid putting stuff in my ig stories in order for get to not know I'm online/not busy. I'm not near that point yet but I've had to do that in regards to other people in the past and it's such a sucky feeling. I've never had to do it to family and i hope i don't feel that way. i hope she feels better from therapy for both our sakes

i don't think I'm gonna read this over so sorry for any spelling mistakes as I'm on my phone and autocorrect be playin

#i guess i... ran out of room?#can that happen on a post?#idk i wanted to insert a page break but there's no way on the app?#so im on mobile desktop #might add more cuz i never got to my point rip #update: yeah it was just desktop mobile fucking up #you don't have to read this but I'm going through an... interesting time

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