#anyways someone save me im going to explode

[doodles-in-sand]

some1 save me from this background,,,,,,,

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[agayconcept]

.

[yo9urt]

started playing ball dur's gait 3

[azumasoroshi]

suzume no tojimari spoilers ! hi guys im Insane

literature analysis brain is going haywire so here’s a bunch of incoherent ramblings some themes motifs and symbolism i love in this movie because AAAAAAA

Love and Sacrifice.

Obviously, but like the different kinds of love and devotion and how they’re never perfect and sometimes self-destructive but they’re so powerful and just waughhh. It was so important to me how after exploding at her Tamaki (suzume’s aunt, ik im not the only one who forgets names) was like “you know I don’t feel that way all the time, right?” like not denying that yes, she has felt exhausted of taking care of Suzume and sometimes wished she didn’t have to take care of her, trying to be the parental figure she needs while also trying to not encroach on her sister’s memory. It means so much to me that she didn’t deny those feelings but instead told Suzume that it’s not how she always feels, because loving someone means sacrifice and ewughghgghfgfh im not putting this into words well but htrggfhgf.

and ALSO the reciprocation of kindness with daijin - as thanks for the taste of freedom at last, and wanting to be with someone whom you love but not really comprehending that what they want (that “suzume doesn’t love me” killed me) and how by the end daijin helped her pull souta out and sacrificed himself for suzume because he really loved her ggrgfggfhfnfnch

And just. everyday love. This is kind of a mix of themes and motifs but every time we flashed back to the memories of whatever abandoned place they were in - the simple “good morning”s and “be back soon” and “it’s so hot”s made me choke up. the mundane love of Chika and Suzume in their newly found friendship, Rumi’s kindness in picking Suzume up off the street and her love for her children, Serizawa’s platonic love for Souta letting him drive these two crazy women with crazy beef for 7 hours across Japan, there’s just so much expression of love and the hardships people go through because of it and rhgrjgrjhgdhgjhb

Mourning and Closure.

Makoto Shinkai himseld said that he wanted to write a story about “mourning deserted places” (at least according to Wikipedia) so this one is all but textual but like yeah. the motif of opening/closing/locking doors and locking the bike and things like that? AaAAaAaa

To close the gates, you need to imagine the emotions of people who once lived there - i can only imagine what Souta was thinking in the abandoned bathhouse area, but hrhggejghw the school and the amusement park and the shots we got of normal life in tokyo before the worm revealed itself in the climax, it just. really speaks to the beauty of everyday life. im a sucker for that kind of stuff as both a psychology major and just a weird person who thinks “man i wonder what happened to this person for the past 22 years of their life that led them to be here with me in this moment” whenever i pass someone in the grocery store. Hodaka could let japan be flooded in weathering with you because of his love for hina, but suzume’s whole arc was learning about the common people and living their lives and embracing all the kindness they had to offer to herself and others and it really hits that like. of course she can’t just let tokyo get destroyed to save Souta, every person in all of tokyo is just like Rumi and Chika and Serizawa and they’re all people who love and are loved. She finds herself in Souta’s place as one who stretches himself thin between being a gate closer and studying to be a teacher because he loves life as well, and-

oops i forgot i was talking about mourning and closure

anyway the doors keep getting reopened because the grief never fully goes away and the worm of “calamity” is letting yourself be consumed by the grief and destroying the people around you and not being able to move on, and it comes from the Ever-after becomes ever-after is a place where time doesn’t exist and you wish you could be there forever because it’s where you can relive the events of your past, it’s where you can live in denial that time moves forward and you have to move with it, it’s where Suzume goes after her mother dies because she wants people to stop giving her condolences and just give her her mom back. “Ever-after” in itself is a “happily ever after” - a place where mortals aren’t meant to go, no matter how beautiful it looks. Souta goes there too because he is the catalyst Suzume needs to go back and face Ever-after - and it’s no longer beautiful, but it’s torn apart by grief and everything is in flames. The idea of a keystone as well, locking the memories and hurt away, is one that Suzume removes to relive her memories and puts back in place when she’s ready to move on. htrhgfhgfghfghf. she won’t let souta be the keystone because she refuses to move on without him.

Also both Souta and his grandfather tell Suzume to just forget everything she’s seen, but it’s too late for that because connections aren’t so easily forgotten. Even when Tamaki couldn’t remember telling Suzume she’d be her new mother, that doesn’t change that she cared for her for the next 12 years anyway. Suzume visits Chika and Rumi by the end, and obviously she’s never forgotten her mother, both because her chair was still in her room by the start of the movie and because she looks like her by the end. Even though relationships change, they’re never forgotten in the movie, and I think that’s beautiful, really.

(also cool detail: 12 years ago is when the tsunami that killed suzume’s mother struck. the movie came out in 2023, and the touhoku earthquake/tsunami that inspired this film was in 2011. nice)

Reality vs Fantasy

The scenes where Suzume goes out into public again following stopping the worm from destroying Tokyo were especially poignant to me. This girl’s been going on a fantastical adventure with her talking chair and talking cat, meeting nice people and making friends, excited at the idea that she’s doing something important, but after Souta’s gone she shuts down. Her feet are bloodied, her clothes are destroyed, and people keep giving her strange looks and calling her homeless because she may have stopped the worm but even without being consumed by grief, it still isn’t pretty or picturesque. Standing out in Japanese society is discouraged, as most of us are well aware, but she’s been doing nothing but that with all the running around and talking to chairs and flying through the sky she’s been doing. Without a concrete goal in mind, without Souta as company, she’s alone in the world of adulthood and has no one to tell her what she should do, no Souta to guide her through Tokyo. And without that confidence or charm, people don’t come to her aid like they did before. It’s only once she finds her resolve to save Souta, quite literally walking in his shoes/footsteps, that the next helpful stranger (Serizawa) comes in.

She could imagine those abandoned places as alive, but the truth is that they were abandoned and will stay that way - none of them miraculously revived by the end, unless something happened in the credits that I couldn’t see through all my tears. Reality will not bring those places back, but what really matters is how we carry the memories of those places with us? I think. man maybe it’d be easier to write this post if i had actually seen the end credits

this post is really fucking long so im calling it here 😭 makoto shinkai has done it again. goddammit

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[ultimateloserboy]

I’ve been holding back this ramble forever but the food episode makes me tear up and i NEED to talk about it.

The food episode was the only episode I really couldn’t watch as a kid. I remember being horrified by it. to this day i still feel uneasy thinking about it, even though it doesn’t scare me in the slightest anymore. the reason i feel uneasy now isnt because im scared, its because to me its the saddest episode of the whole series and makes me want to punch walls. when i was younger i didnt notice a lot of the things ive noticed now, and every time i watch the episode i notice even more.

a lot of people talk about this episode as if red guy ran away and wants nothing to do with the house, that he’s trying to save the other two by bringing them to his world. while i dont think this is a wrong or bad interpretation, considering it’s understandable, id like to talk about my own interpretation. i dont think red guy even knew how he left. keep in mind he just exploded and then woke up in an office. there’s absolutely nothing suggesting he ran away on purpose. all he wanted was for colin to shut up, he wasnt intending to find the room he found. this itself isnt an interpretation, its a fact, BUT how he feels about it and what he does in the red guy world is completely up to interpretation! mine is that he wants to go home instead of trying to get the other two out of it. lemme explain ok hear me out:

throughout the entire food episode red guy is constantly popping up in the background somewhere. hes drawn behind windows and his head is in the microwave in one shot. when duck knocks the camera over for a split second you can even see his legs as it falls. the leg thing is what really got me, because most other times he was simply drawn. but those were his actual legs standing in the kitchen. to me it represents the fact that he isnt actually there but is “haunting” the other two. they dont really remember him but they can see him out of the corners of their eyes. hes blurry and far away but they KNOW someone is there (or WAS there, i should say). but on his end i think it could represent how hes still there in his head, how hes still singing songs and shit like that despite being out of that world. he says he hated that world, that hes allergic to music, but now that hes gone from it its stuck in his head. he misses the music. he misses his friends. hes still there in spirit.

before i continue id just like to say that, no, the main three INCLUDING RED GUY dont always want to leave the house. especially when they have to leave the others behind. whenever theyre off somewhere they usually want to go back home, yellow guy even said “i want to go home” word for word once. but he also said “no more songs” these things can exist at the same time guys. they can not want to drown in oil but still want to live in their house, yall realize that right? thats a huge theme in the show, that the house and the main three have a very complicated relationship. they dont want to leave their home they just want it to, yaknow, NOT EAT THEM. so i think red guy wanting to come home isnt at all out of character. and he doesnt like the red guy world anyway, why would he take his friends there when theyre wacky as shit and wouldnt fit in there or enjoy it at all? also id like to make the point that he doesnt know what’s happening in the house (at least not the seriousness of it) until he sees the machine. so him trying to save the other two from getting munched makes no sense to me personally. AGAIN THO THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION!! YOURS IS VALID TOO AND I LOVE YOU!!!

But anyway continuing on, ducks reaction especially makes me insane. whenever i see how duck acts in episodes like “jobs” when he starts freaking out and trying to get the first aid kit for yellow guy im reminded of this episode. duck really does love his friends at heart. he doesnt want to leave the house, he sees no point, but to me the reason he doesnt want to leave is BECAUSE of his friends (or at least one of the reasons). in the tv series duck has a whole argument with red guy about leaving, and while some people say this duck is different than webseries duck i have to disagree. i think duck wouldve always argued about staying, but i also think hed always want to leave if red guy did. duck always switches up as soon as something is “wrong”. he always wants to stay until one of his friends is acting weird/hurt/missing and then suddenly the world isnt right and he doesnt want to be there. not only that but he will do everything in his power to fight against the things keeping him from his friends or hurting them, even if it means risking his own life. he knew some weird shit was going on every time he answered the phone, but despite that he continued answering anyway. he interrupted the songs and pushed things away and kept running to the phone, being disobedient and not giving a damn. this isnt unusual for duck, but it makes me especially ill, because he acts very confused as well. hes very upset, not mad like he usually is but genuinely upset and worried. most likely because of how hazy his memory is. my favorite scene of the series is when he pushes over the camera and says “i dont want to do this anymore” it rips my heart apart hes just like me fr. it also comes back to the transport episode, where hes like “well the song wasnt that great but at least it was funny. nobody gets TOO hurt by these songs and stuff so who cares? why leave?” i think hes always thought this way, the reason he says “i dont want to do this ANYMORE” is because suddenly the world has shifted. suddenly things are much more sinister and make even less sense. suddenly he is in genuine danger, and he isnt coming back this time. things have gone too far now, and he tries tearing down reality itself to get out, but unfortunately hes just not strong enough.

i also like to think that the food is singing about red guy the whole time, not actually food, and how he deserves punishment, and if you end up like him youll be punished too (which is exactly what happens to duck for answering the phone) “the bad, not-healthy foods are very rude! and must leave through the catflap!” isnt that what red guy did? he wandered too far and saw what he shouldnt have so he was sent away. also the steak says “you need to know whats right from wrong” which doesnt go with the rest of the song at all and seems to be directed at duck specifically. it seems more like theyre trying to keep duck and yellow guy in line rather than teach them about food. when they say “you shouldnt eat food from a strangers plate” considering the previous lyrics and the context before the chanting i think theyre talking about not believing what youre told by “strangers” (aka the non-teacher characters) theyre saying not to listen to whatever red guy is trying to say, to not answer the phone, to not end up like him. or at least thats what i think anyway.

lastly, the ending. yellow guy sitting in the kitchen alone, in the dark, covered in blood while the phone loudly rings is probably the most haunting part of the series to me. remember what i said about not being scared? well i LIED. this scene specifically still scares the fuck out of me. it fills me with genuinely painful dread. the scene where he looks over at the phone, hearing it but not getting up to answer it and letting it ring until red guy gives up is heartbreaking. im not sure if yellow guy even knows what’s happening in this scene, but hes been taught by now to NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. so he doesnt. and the teachers leave him alone with the phone because theyre confident he wont answer it. and theyre right. it breaks my heart just looking at it. in the next episode he ends up fighting back just like duck did, but just like duck, he cant truly do anything. it really puts into perspective how powerless all three of them are. god it ruins me. all they wanted was to know what the biggest thing in the world was, and now theyve been torn apart for wandering too far. cries and sobs

[mobblespsycho100]

👍 kabru, heh

thank you so much mwahaha

1. Bottom Line by Dom Fera

I think this song is very Kabru in a this has big "customer service" vibes, lmao.

"Drive me somewhere you've been liking" -> hes a people pleaser, letting someone take the reins while he supports them and hangs back is kind of his thing. Even though he plans stuff out and chooses his words deliberately, sometimes he goes along with ppl's wants and expectations for him a bit too much...

"Order something I don't want, I'll drink it anyway" -> basically Kabru when he had to eat the harpy eggs Laios offered lmao. 'Right, i hate this so much this is Monster. okay. wow i need to kill you' hes literally triggered (in the ptsd term sense and not the. warped internet meaning of it) and he's still like okay ! i will dig in ! to prove a point ! so laios likes and trusts me! (... what point kabru . cmon man. )

"Take a little time, it's funny how you're fine when I'm away -> he needs to be needed. He needs to help others, save them even, to protect them from the tragedy he has experienced. He's used to being dismissed and he does swallow it and take it but ik he was so 🤨😧😠 abt laios ignoring him and all the attempts to get to know him... so its like take a lil tine its funny how ur fine when im away ... Kabru knows Laios is the closest to conquering the dungeon. and hes like. I rlly wanna help u do this but . ik ur probably fine without me (... man he makes me . so 😭)

"It's natural to see a bottom line with me / A bottom line I'll be" -> A bottom line in business is like the final total right. The sum of everything thats written at the bottom. The ultimate outcome... the core. The fate of the dungeon is something he wants to decide and get a say in as well. Even though he knows he isn't the one thats going to conquer it, he chooses to stop Mithrun from beating up Thistle and grabs him and they free fall into that pit. Because he decided, yeah, the fate of this dungeon the one to conquer it has to be us short-lived races/humans. He is such an action oriented character . He makes such decisions. He is so determined to make sure that Utaya doesn't repeat itself. Man.

Anyway that's song 1. moving on to song 2.

2. Smoke and Mirrors by Gotye

This entire song is So Kabru coded its insane to me . but I grabbed these lyrics from Verse 3 Because the last line specifically makes. me go crazy.

"You're a fraud, and you know it" -> the freaking masker . he is such a liar and he knows it... theres not much else to say here. Playing the hero, the saviour, while knowing he doesn't actually have the skills to defeat the dungeon but hes just so desperate . man

"And every night and day you take the stage" -> he should get an acting award fr... always adjusting his personality and carefully planning his steps with each person he interacts with man... also inchtresting to me that he gets to be more #real with Mithrun. thats a whole nother analysis can of worms I won't get into but like they rlly drove each other's character development...

"And it always entertains, you're giving pleasure" -> To quote Holm, Kabru is the typa guy who would do anything to get someone to like him akdjskhf hes so real for that...

"And that's admirable, you tell yourself" -> (kabru voice) im so cool for this ahaha everyone loves me (guy who genuinely fucking loathes himself) /ref

"And so you'd gladly sell yourself to others" -> smile of pain. I just think hes a real business man sometimes . Goodness Kabru stop being a charismatic salesman of your own personality im going to explode .

Right. we're on to the last one I guess...

3. Dear Arkansas Daughter by Lady Lamb

GENUINELY cannot really do this analysis lyric by lyric or I will go ... well. I'll go into the deep end but . like . right. anyway. this set of lyrics above aka the most popular line is very Kabru appearance. (Goodness i need to make an AMV of this. I will one day once the executive dysfunction stops fighting my autistic hyperfixation ass)

THIS WHOLE . SET OF LYRICS IS JUST BIG KABRU VIBES (SOURCE: JUST TRUST ME BRO)... His heart is full of swords... the sword fighter (he is proficient in many weapons)... im not big into tarot (or well i havent researched it much) but the annotations for these lyrics said that its referencing the Three of Swords tarot card, which represents painful sorrow. and like.. man like a fundamental sorrow in Kabru is so oughh its just so . real. and again i need a whole nother analysis post for this since this is already So long

Tie my hands & knock my knees. he is so stressed he is so . nervous all the time and these r like. the freeze . trauma response. to me. he goes freeze and fawn a lot (fawn not specifically with abusers per say but like people pleasing tendencies again) and like kind of visibly looking nervous and stressed out up before saying smth next is smth he does a lot I feel.

And like the vibe of like sinking to the sea with a heavy heart but also being someone who brings hope in a way to others (ex: Rin and Mithrun, he ends up being their anchor and helping them start like living with their lives after the burden of their traumas and hellish experiences) but Kabrus own traumas are so immense and then the person who rises . who foils him and who brings him hope is Laios. like a ripe red apple like. something bright and tempting and also dangerous (smth smth the forbidden fruit symbolism. theres so much . like Kabru that I can dissect with like Biblical symbolism themes but like anyway he sees Laios as both the key to humanity's victory against the dungeon and as sin / a distraction from his goal because Laios makes him do selfish things and its just AAAAHGHH rahhhh. man. im normal)

ANYWAY YEAH ... that wraps this up. Thank you for sending this ask ❣️💌 I am very normal abt Kabru of Utaya dungeon meshi

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

praxeus. episode of all time. yaz episode of all time. radiating self-assurance, showing off all the things shes learnt, wanting the doctor to see how good she is at this. at playing doctor and loving it. relishing having the keys to all places, having Secret Knowledge of Alien Things that she is in no way about to share with either jake or gabriela because where would be the rush of power in that?

jake, the (ex-)copper on a sabbatical. "except i dont go telling people im police!" give it a year or two love and youre using this (ex-)title on each of your self-found companions. which youre practicing now for with gabriela, pretty girl to forcefully introduce to her very first alien planet. well, almost.

both the girl best friends who've known each other for 5 years and one of which dies exploding, and the uncommunicative married/separated husbands who are punishing each other or themselves, one of which, again, almost dies exploding, looking like thasmin from every angle. (looking like thoschei, too, further back. because thats whats behind every picture of thasmin whichever way you cut it)

watching the identities slip and slide changing hands between all these parallels. Adam, sick astronaut, experimented on by aliens, clear doctor figure. or is he? jake, on the beach, sits where the doctor sits, saying he doesnt do emotions, admitting to being purposefully unreliable, unable to commit, disliking travelling! jake who can be summoned with a "help me". jake, who doesnt believe adam could really love him. who are we to apply this sentiment to, then? obviously, both. obviously, all.

"we didnt teleport into an active volcano!" yaz exclaims, too surprised at her own success to really be reassuring, as she holds onto her new friend's wrist, not hand, steering, directing, controlling. "im supposed to be the one saying that to you," the doctor responds, a year or three (or six, for yaz) later, when the destination is an active volcano, when in all these years theyve learnt to fly a spaceship together ("adam lang, your job is so easy!") but still havent figured out how to say the things that need saying, when one of them is dying, and the last time yaz was still pretending to be on sabbatical she knew for sure how old she was. two girls roaming.

the doctor wants so badly to figure this out, needs this win, after the identity shock of ruth, all the unanswered questions. even after the betrayal, after all the bad thats been done. "look at us, suki! two brilliant scientists, we can fix this!" whatever you did, whatever youve done, in desperation, wasnt right, but it's not the end. you can fuck it all up, and then you can help to try and unfuck as much as you can. just think. do not get carried away by fear. thats what scientist means, in the thirteenth doctor's mouth. someone who realises problems have solutions. that can be found. if you delay your frightened desperate furious reaction and just think for a second. she wishes she and suki could have worked together. she wishes they could have saved her planet as well as earth. she wishes she could have sent suki home, safe and sound, with solutions for whoever is left there, waiting for her, desperate and afraid. they will never know what happened. they will die sick and in ignorance.

adam offers himself up. hes dying anyway. they need a clinical trial and he is a suitable body to test on. makes you wonder. the master did not tell us everything, and what he didnt we'll never know, but as graham put it "i aint the fantasist round here" (detective morse, by the way, is not a reference i knew, but from wikipedia this character doesnt seem much to match jake's vibes, the master (and/or doctor) however...) what sense of duty might the child have felt? what sense of duty might the child have been talked into? or is that too patronising a way to frame it? what loyalty to her adoptive mother, a scientist and explorer, an example that still loudly resonates in 13, first-time woman, and what loyalty to her adoptive planet, people? what was life like on prehistoric gallifrey? "sparsely populated" is all we get. nothing about the possible reasons. disease doesnt seem out of the question. why did tecteun leave? "dangerous, unsophisticated space travel". why do something so dangerous? just the quest for knowledge? or was there desperation? was there fear?

"maybe," the doctor says, "i'll never know". and tecteun replies with a phrase the doctor herself has tried to leverage against yaz: the journey of a lifetime. "what do you do, 'Doctor'? pick people up, take them with you? you adopt them, use them, for reassurance, for company. theyre your experiments just as you were mine."

could she have been something else? who knows. but adam offered. and before that adam trained. and adam stepped into a rocket. and adam let himself be shot into space. scientist and explorer. and we're all full of plastic, whether we know it or not. and the doctor's a romantic. which is to say an idealist, here for the lost causes, a virus to kill the disease of our own making. infectious, and aware of it.

[hanlimz]

JUNGWONSPIDERMANAU

cass. pls dont say that and just. LEAVE. expand. i would like to hear your thoughts 🎤

bc truly spider-man/peter parker was my first love and personally i have had the idea for a jake as spider-man au for quiet a bit now but it has never really taken off but now i NEED to hear all your thoughts.

(also if u have any good spider-man au fic recs pls send them my way thnx 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩)

PLSSS I COULD TALK FOREVER!!!! BUT OKAY—here are some bullet points plus a small blurb/summary/idk? i literally am going to write so much im so SORRY??? (this has convinced me n i will be writing a fic LMAOO)

(+ two vvvv good spiderman fic recs!!)

it’s safe here (with me) by @enhypenandpaper !! | very cute story, well-written, i love when writers can put their own unique spin on scenes that inspire them it’s rly motivating and wonderful (i need to rb this on my fic rec blog asap) (jake x reader)

i’ll save you (again) by @jayflrt !! | amazing stupendous wonderful show-stopping ,, literally one of my Favorite reads on this app .. this author manages to encapsulate both spiderman And jake sosososo well .. they also make it a point to rly flesh out the other friendships mentioned and I Love That (jake x reader)

general hcs (?):

won is the dorkiest spiderman ever .. stutters over his quips, never has anything cool to say to the villains he fights, doesn’t know how to respond to ppl thanking him

one time someone he saved tried to ask for his number and he panicked and said he was banned from both t-mobile and verizon (he’s not btw)?? 

another time he just got done saving a group of ppl n said “no thneeds necessary” ?? bc he was trying to say “no need to thank me” n “no thanks necessary” at the same time

but he’s also the sweetest .. any time someone asks to “repay him” he’s a double it n give it to the next person kinda guy .. he always tells them to stop by the soup kitchen or donate old clothes to thrift stores or just be kind to someone else

also ,, on another note ,, won has the Biggest crush on u and knows u like to help out at the local preschool, so he always tells ppl to buy and donate extra school supplies

sometimes when he’s out patrolling late at night, he’ll see u on ur way home from the library n quietly follow u to make sure u get home safe

tries to talk to u once after seeing a spiderman article open on ur computer and u indulge him for a moment, saying how bad u felt abt the daily bugle’s tabloid pieces .. won’s p sure his heart exploded

but overall, he’s very gentle and kind .. ever the king of duality tho .. he can beat a bitch up when need be, but most of the time—won’s just a high school senior trying to get into MIT and make the person he’s been in love with since the beginning of fall semester feel the same way abt him

ANYWAYS in a high school!au setting i see a lot of ppl like to hc jungwon as class/stuco president, but i think he’s definitely more on the quiet side .. he’s popular, yes, but not too popular if that makes sense. for him, though, this is perfect ... he flies under the radar, and him missing school a couple days in a row every month or so goes virtually unnoticed. HOWEVER, you’ve always had a sneaking suspicion .. it’s not like you and won are Rivals—there would be no merit in picking an unnecessary fight with the boy who volunteers at the soup kitchen on the weekends and feeds the stray cats near the gym and asks the lunch ladies how their days are going—but, there’s something strange going on. you’re sure of it.

jungwon comes into school one day w a busted lip and a black eye. everyone is fawning over him, asking him what happened—did he get mugged, did his face hurt, did he give the other person a run for their money? you don’t bother checking in on him when he takes his seat next to you. you just hand him his calculus test (he did better than you again n it’s infuriating) and clench your jaw, willing yourself to disappear. that familiar, green monster hangs in the shadows behind you, and its breath fans across your neck as it attempts to coax a physical manifestation of jealously from your lips. eventually, you excuse yourself to the nurse’s office and skip the rest of the day.

later that night, you’re trying to study in your room, but you keep getting distracted by the daily bugle’s twitter updates. spiderman is out and about again, and they won’t let the poor guy’s good reputation rest. it’s all “spiderman fights villain and knocks over streetlight onto local man’s car” and “spiderman forgoes saving lady’s churro to destroy half of grand central station”—and, honestly, you feel a bit bad. he’s trying his best. but, as rain patters against your window, the sound threatens to lull you to sleep. exhaustion overtakes your body, your eyes are drooping, and your head keeps falling from your hands. and then BOOM—the loudest noise you’ve ever heard startles you from your fatigue-induced trance. with a look of fear in your eyes, you glance over your shoulder to look at the window and the sight that greets you is enough to freeze every molecule in your body.

the aforementioned hero is clinging to the side of your building, banging his fist on the glass and practically begging to be let in. his movements are frantic and a bit scary. you open the window as quick as you can and let him slide through the small gap you’ve created. there are copious tears in his suit, blood flows from a nasty gash on his shoulder. rushing around on some crude form of auto pilot, you grab a clean shirt from your closet and press it into his wound. you tell him to hold it there and instruct him to sit in your desk chair. he's sopping wet from head to toe, and all you manage to think about is how glad you are that your parents are away for the weekend.

eventually, after only almost vomiting once, the cut is clean and bandaged up. "you're so lucky that i've been trying to get rid of this shirt forever, mr. spiderman," you scoff as he perches on the sill of your window, preparing to swing away into the night. "if i had grabbed one of my favorite outfits, i would've killed you before that wound could have."

a giggle escapes from his lips, and for a moment, you find yourself taken aback. he sounds like a high schooler—young, lively, and everything but the twenty-something year old man you thought he would be. "sorry about that ... i'll have to swing by and drop off some laundry detergent one of these days," he laughs. his voice sounds so familiar, but your mind is still reeling from your recent discovery. the hero offers you a wave and gestures toward his previous seat. "sleep well—and, good luck on that calculus homework."

the next day at school, jungwon is nowhere to be seen. you thank whatever happens to reside in the sky that he can't see the bright red 67 at the top of your most recent calculus test. the next next day, however, jungwon comes in with his arm in a sling. as his seatmate, you're the one that has to help him out for the rest of the week. but, when you're sitting in free period, you happen to take another glance at the bandages around his shoulder as jungwon naps next to you. a sharp column of ice pierces through your lower abdomen; under jungwon's sling, the lowest layer of bandages are covered with dried blood and sweat.

they look eerily familiar. almost like the ones you used to patch spiderman up over the weekend.

but, jungwon couldn't be spiderman. he couldn't be—he's too sweet, too gentle, too kind. peeking over at his backpack, you note that it seems a bit bulkier today; a recognizable purple cap winks at you from the unzipped main pocket. a chill tickles the length of your spine as you register what happened to be resting against his class notebooks.

laundry detergent?

you pause for a moment.

oh.

oh god.

[do-i-look-like-a-doctor]

part 2 of this

anyways, that’s that. things are fine, people are talked down of their motives, life is going back to normal. THEN OBITO SHOWS UP and it’s nothing but emotional turmoil between Kakashi and that orange masked moron. don’t even get me started on why Obito is doing all this evil stuff in the first place.

wtf do you mean Orbit, that thirty year old, buff, scarred, dopey, traumatized, texas two-steppin man is trying to ruin the world because his crush got gut punched to death when they were both FOURTEEN?

like babe, there’s more important things to worry about besides Rin and killing Kakashi. how are you gonna get crushed by a rock as a teen and instead of staying dead like a normal person you get revived, patched up with tar by your shady uncle, and go on a vengeful rampage for like 15 years. don’t piss me off.

so now it’s Orbit vs. Cashew which is more of a mass emotional hysteria between those two frenemies if anything. then, it’s Fishroll, Pink Doctor, Sigh, Yams, and the entire village vs. The Bad Girls Club.

when Naruto fights these troglodytes you’d think it would be a typical battle of one wins one loses but OF COURSE ITS NOT ITS NEVER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCE.

Naruto, the same kid who can control some of the most powerful ninjutsu, the dude who is besties with the fox demon in his mind, the orphan who had every right to become the villain, wins his fights not with bloodshed but by TALKING? no, don’t look at me. for practical reasons, i do not exist as this moment.

Naruto and company are all out there kicking ass and winning because why wouldn’t they. wanna know who’s not winning? Weasel because Sasuke found him and merked his blind self. yeah, Itachi let Sasuke kill him. wtf, who wrote that in? someone explain family therapy to these two before i call the police.

so when the Bad Girls Club are no longer a club aka hella hella dead or gone and that weird emotional thunderclap between Kakashi and Obito is done you’d think that’s a wrap. you’d think that’s it because everyone got what they wanted. well you’re wrong, sorry love.

because Naruto is STILL SNIFFING OUT SASUKE LIKE A BLOODHOUND WHOS ON THE PROWL.

i wanna point out that throughout the entire series Sasuke has made it clear he doesn’t want friends and Naruto basically said “well we’re married so to bad” and cuz of this whenever he did run into Sasuke it was always a fight. the constant back and forth between these two of betting on losing dogs, yin and yang, self-destruction, self-realization, and strength gain leads you to think Naruto will kill Sasuke because he couldn’t save Sasuke from himself.

that doesn’t happen, of course it doesn’t. that’s normal circumstance and we don’t do that here. have you been listening? don’t get me started fam I’ll punch walls.

Sasuke, the same dude who’s been against any form of emotional connection since day zero, suddenly faces the guy who’s been standing up for him despite all the destruction and death. what’s Sasuke do? admits he’s always lowkey cared for Naruto and the others. im leaving the function, i slipped on my own tears on the way out.

my Jonas brother in Christ, what? Sasuke, babe, get out of my house and be so serious.

i may not have a lot of muscle but i have unbridled female rage, a lot of questions, and a broken flat iron to help me find the god damn answers.

so yeah, he says “teehee oops”, helps rid of the remaining baddies, him and Naruto get matching missing limbs, and all is mostly forgiven.

what do you have left at the end of all this bullshit? traumatized kids who grow up, become something, get married, some have kids, and we never actually got the boyfriends we deserve. Sasuke is still trying to be Jesus of Suburbia, Naruto has a son who’s name sounds like Burrito.

i can not make this shit up, this series goes every direction yet also stays in a circle. if I showed any of the episodes to a victorian child or a modern day old person their heads would explode and it’d feel like chernobyl all over again.

what lessons did we learn by the end of the anime. one, don’t try to destroy the world when your crush dies in your teens. two, mind your business. three, seek family therapy before attempting murder. four, being gay is great and helping the homies is greater. and five, don’t get me started.

yall ever love an anime and/or show so much it becomes irritating? cuz i do.

anyways, it’s a great anime. good animation, relatable characters, amazing development of the world and people in it. i recommend it to everyone and yes it’s weird but we will ignore that. if you want weirder, watch One Piece.

thank you for coming to my yap session.

(again, unedited. sorry for mistakes, i might fix them later)

[esre13]

random theory....

this is the most random thing i thought of but... do you think miguel is the reason why everything is going bad? we know from multiple times that the spider chooses who they want to bite, not by the closest person around because with that knowledge, the spider could've bitten uncle aaron.. but earth-42 spider hadn't... also how did the spider even GET to earth-1610? its almost as if he (miguel) was trying to find someone to blame...

while talking about miguel... IS HE EVEN A SPIDERMAN?!? i was watching the movie again and i was keeping track of all the scenes where they kind of show spoilers for the end of the movie.. for example with the opening moment when Peter Parker (Original earth-1610 spiderman) starts off, he says "you're looking at the one and only spiderman" and the screen shows us RIGHT to Miles... also with the same knowledge, he also says "the only person standing inbetween this city and oblivion, is me." which also goes with what miles believes, he will be the only one to save his city in the end. so using the beginning as a POV, i kept in track on what gwen says about miguel.

she calls him the blue panther... this makes the most sense in this case because miguel would have another reason why he disrupted the canon.. he is not even a spiderman. he has claws, fangs and is way stronger than the rest of the spidermen... this gives him motivation to also be stronger than miles. Im not saying miguel hadn't been bitten but it could be a factor for the reason why he hates miles. Miles is not an amateur... in the matter of a couple of days (two to be exact), he picked up on being a spiderman and saved his city from being destroyed, and basically even more stronger than any other spiderman.. this would make miguel angry, a kid, basically just getting his powers, was able to save the world in a matter of a couple of days?

even if spiderman-1610 hadn't saved miles, it still wouldnt have done anything, so if he has a couple of minutes, it doesnt change the fact that kingpin wouldnt have killed him anyway, because even if so, the machine would've exploded and spiderman would've been injured the same way, and would he have had enough time anyway?

it also doesn't mean that earth-42 miles and doctor octavius couldnt have just made another spider?

if miguel isnt a spiderman.. it would make the most sense if miguel had disrupted the canon, he is not like the rest, he does not fit the spiderverse.

EDIT: I just realized that the earth-2099 is actually a vampire in the comics soooo… he actually isn’t a spider-man so yay on my part!

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

I avoided tumblr for too long and now there are people shipping Solar with New Moon....and I'm confused like....WHERE DID THIS SHIP COME FROM AND WHY ARE PEOPLE SHIPPING THESE TWO??? DID I MISS AN EPISODE?? DID I MISS ANY INTERACTION BETWEEN THEM??? WHAT DID I MISS??

I'm not sending hate to anyone or hating the ship (it sounds kind of interesting, I'm not going to lie). I just want to understand where this ship came from and what others see that I didn't see??? Can someone help me please?? 👉👈

"SUDDENLY"

Lol in reality I've been shipping them in secret for a long time. Gushing in my DMS to my friends about all their interactions for a long ass time. I've just been rambling publicly about it lately.

(mostly started with jokes between @witchysolfan and I in DMs cus ofc it starts out as jokes)

I pretty much started shipping Solar with Moon back when he was just called "Nice Eclipse"

I rambled a bit about it here.

But Solar does a lot for Moon, outside of the realms of just "helping a friend"

Solar was willing to sacrifice himself, not only for Lunar's sake, but to kill Eclipse, and Protect Moon's family. A Moon he doesn't even know. When his Moon has been nothing but cruel and abusive toward him.

Moon was unwilling to lose that sacrifice, and pushed Solar into the portal to save him, and Solar actually punched and cussed him out for it. Even if he was angry, he appreciated the save. Even if he thinks Moon did it for his own sake... just to "not let another person die" You can take this as personal as you want in "he didn't want to let his friend Solar die"

Not to mention, a few episodes later, Solar legit abandons everything he's ever known. He knows he reached a dead end and there's no saving his Sun or Moon. There's no hope of bringing Sun back. No hope of his Moon liking him. No hope of being loved, cared for or a family. His dimension is a dead end....

So he just shows up in Moon's Daycare... Like ..... And to MOON. Specifically... IS LIKE:

"Can I crash here......I had nowhere else to go..."

....That's like one of my top ten romantic troupes how.... like im losing my mind....

Solar is also appreciative of this dimension Moon in a way that he's not with his own Moon. Maybe he was seeing our Moon as a replacement for is, but I think their friendship evolved past this point.

The whole Solar rebuilding the Daycare in a Day episode and Moon gawking at him just made my heart soar. It felt very "As you wish" Princess Bride shit, you feel me?????

Not to mention, Solar and Moon get eachother's humor. They're both a bit of snarky sarcastic assholes and they like teasing each other. And maybe it was just me, but I could never take those teases in a familiar/family way.

Not to mention, Solar was the one that Moon ran to when he was struggling with his NewMoon identity... Not Sun, because his brother he felt just was missing the old him so he couldn't be honest. And Solar readily accepted that part of New Moon so readily.

Moon, in kind, does listen to Solar when he vents about his life and his problems and even suggests he takes breaks and make sure he's not overdoing it. He watches out for him too.

Solar even in the latest episode was so concerned when Moon got sucked into the portal, and even comforted Moon when Moon was being a bit existential about being "one of the dead ones"

They listen to eachother vent, Solar makes things for Moon, Moon even tells him he doesn't need to do all this just for them, and Solar insists he wants to.

Just all their interactions sometimes make my brain explode into mush.

Anyways, don't take this too seriously. I'm just having fun. But all aboard the ship train, choo choo.

[i-am-church-the-cat]

you can always go home again (or for the first time)

This is my fic for the Andi Mack gift exchange! This is for @paracosmicat, I'm so sorry that it's late, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Summary: She ruffles his hair as she leads the way back through the apartment. It’s small and crowded with trinkets, books and shoes, basketballs and art projects, and something that must have exploded from the kitchen. Three more people are waiting for them in the living room, less than T.J. expected from the level of noise he’d heard. “Hey guys, this is T.J., the dude I was telling you about,” Jonah introduces him to the group at large and he offers a small wave. “T.J., this is Andi, Cyrus, and Marty.” WC: 2674 Pairing: Gen mostly, but with pre-relationship Tyrus and minor Amris Tags: College AU, First Meetings, T.J. POV, Amber and T.J. are siblings Rating: Teen

---

He knew it was saving him money, but sometimes living with his sister and her girlfriend could be really annoying. T.J. had been trapped in his room for ages, Amber and Iris having fought and made up over the past several hours, both things he would rather not be witness to. At this rate, he was going to be locked in here until graduation. 

Jonah 

Hey man, you looking to hang tonight?

Something like relief passes through T.J. when he gets the message. He and Jonah aren’t the closest of friends, yet. They hadn’t gotten along when Jonah was dating his sister - between the compulsory heterosexuality and Jonah’s constant avoidance of anything even hinting at romantic in nature, it had been hell from start to finish - but since they were both studying kinesiology, they’d tried to be friendly. Today, that work had finally paid off.

T.J.

Yeah man, what were you thinking?

Jonah

Some of my friends are holding a get together at their apartment, just a small thing. You wanna come?

Another noise came from the living room. T.J. didn’t want to know if it was a yell or a moan. 

T.J.

Send me the address, im omw

Since the path to the front door was locked, T.J. used the fire escape by his window. It dropped him right next to the motorcycle he probably shouldn’t be parking in the back alley. But hey, it hadn’t been stolen yet, and it made for a very quick getaway. T.J. set his phone to give him voice directions to the address Jonah texts him and then he’s off. 

--

The apartment building is nice, an artist-y co-op on the west side of town. T.J. heads up to the third floor after texting Jonah again for the apartment number - Beck wasn’t always the most aware person. Both the bike ride and the jog up the steps do a lot for getting T.J. in a better headspace than he was in earlier. 

He hears the apartment before he sees it. Jonah said it was just a small get together, but from the noise coming through the door, T.J. has some serious doubts. He considers bailing before remembering what’s going on at his own apartment and knocking on the door. 

Surprisingly, it’s not Jonah who answers. It’s a girl with tight braids and wearing a Utah Jazz jersey. She looks like someone he should know, but it slips his mind. She looks him over and must find him wanting because her expression is thoroughly unimpressed. 

“Can I help you?”

“Um, hi,” T.J. says, trying for a smile and probably failing short. “I’m looking for-”

“Oh, Buffy is that T.J.?” A thankfully familiar voice comes from inside the apartment. Jonah Beck pops his head around the girl - Buffy’s - shoulder and flashes his big signature smile. “Teej, glad you could make it! Come in, come in.”

“Just inviting people into my home now, Beck?” Buffy asks, clearly not amused, but she steps aside with a nod to T.J. He nods back, figuring it’s the best course of action, and he’s rewarded with Buffy’s expression going a little less intense and a little more accepting. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry Buffy.” Jonah’s apologetic grin is too cute for anyone, even Buffy, to hold a grudge against. She ruffles his hair as she leads the way back through the apartment. It’s small and crowded with trinkets, books and shoes, basketballs and art projects, and something that must have exploded from the kitchen. Three more people are waiting for them in the living room, less than T.J. expected from the level of noise he’d heard.

“Hey guys, this is T.J., the dude I was telling you about,” Jonah introduces him to the group at large and he offers a small wave. “T.J., this is Andi, Cyrus, and Marty.”

T.J. opens his mouth to greet the group but the guy he’d thought looked familiar beats him to it. Marty hops up, big grin on his face as he offers up his hand for T.J. to slap.

“Hey, Kippen right? Aren’t you the new freshman starter for the basketball team?”

T.J. grins but can’t help the flush that takes his face. He’s proud of himself, yeah, but he finds it’s not always the best to introduce himself with his sporting career. It hasn’t always worked out the best in the past, which was mainly his fault to be fair. He hadn’t been a nice person on the court when he was younger.

“Yeah, I remember you from tryouts. You’ve got a great three-pointer, man.”

“Oh god, Jonah don’t tell me you brought another jock,” whines the other girl in the apartment, an Asian girl with short hair and paint on her t-shirt. “Now Cyrus and I are outnumbered 2-to-1.”

“I also invited Walker and Libby, but they both had things,” Jonah tries to defend himself, flopping down on the floor and grabbing a handful of popcorn from that half-empty bowl on teh coffee table. “It’s not my fault T.J.’s the only one free enough to join us.”

“I’m not totally sure if that’s an insult or not,” T.J. admits, looking around for space to sit. Andi and Buffy are sitting on the couch, Marty going back to sit in the third seat. Jonah’s on the floor. The only seat left is the loveseat, next to the only person here who’s voice T.J. hasn’t heard yet. 

“Hi,” he greets, moving towards the other boy. “I’m T.J. Can I sit?”

The brown-haired boy has big eyes that seem to suck all the air out of the room. Either someone just started hitting a bass drum, or T.J. could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Soft freckles dusted the boy’s nose and his pink lips had teeth indentations in them, as if he’d been biting them only seconds before. Those same lips lift into a smile, crinkly his Bambi eyes at the edges. 

“Sure,” the angel fairy boy said. “I’m Cyrus.”

“T.J.,” he mumbles, sitting down on the cushion. The other boy’s eyes fill with mirth.

“You said that already.”

“Right.” T.J. blinks, wondering it this is what deer felt when they get stuck in headlights. “Sorry.”

Cyrus is clearly laughing at him but he has the decency not to show it. Instead, he leans forward and grabs something off of the pile of snacks on the coffee table. 

“Muffin? It’s chocolate chocolate chip.”

“Oh.” T.J. looks down at the muffin in surprise. It’s big and rich and somehow exactly what T.J. needs. His stomach growls in appreciation as he takes the treat in gentle hands. “Thank you, these are actually my favorite.”

Cyrus’s eyes twinkle. “Mine, too,” he says, grabbing another one and holding it out to cheers against T.J.’s own. T.J.’s grin is huge at the simple gesture. 

“So, T.J.” The voice draws the two out of the little bubble they had gotten sucked in so quickly. T.J. turns to Buffy while his fingers tear off a bit of muffin and pop it in his mouth. “What do the T and the J stand for?”

He snorts, used to this line of questioning. T.J. leans back in his seat, one arm going across the back of the couch. He doesn’t the notice the way Cyrus looks at the arm in surprise, face going slightly red. 

“Sorry, but that’s highly privileged information. Only four people on Earth know it.”

Marty leans forward with eager eyes. “Is it really that bad?”

T.J.’s face and voice are deadpan when he says, “Worse.”

“Amber told me it changes every month,” Jonah says from his spot on the floor. 

“Oh wait, are you Amber’s brother?” Andi says, eyes going wide in recognition. Shoot. If she knows his sister this could either be really bad or… nah, just really bad. His sister’s kind of a dick. 

“Yeah, younger, by two years.” 

“How come we never met you when she and Jonah were dating?” Buffy asks. The way she’s looking at him is different now but T.J. can’t tell if it’s better or worse. “We met Iris.”

“And she was so nice, though obviously in love with Amber,” Cyrus says. This gets sounds of affirmation from all except Jonah who shrugs. 

“I never saw it.”

“You never see it,” Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus all chorus back at him, different levels of fondness or exasperation. T.J. wonders what the story is there. Though, if it’s anything like the one he heard from Amber, he can probably guess.

“They’re actually dating now,” T.J. says, hoping to steer the conversation away from his and Amber’s relationship. He loves his sister, and even likes her these days, but that wasn’t always the truth. “They were roommates and finally admitted their feelings. When Iris moved out of her room, they had an extra, so I moved into their place when I went to college.”

Andi is nodding. “That’s smart. Cyrus, Buffy, and I all the split the rent here and we’re still eating mostly junk food we get on sale.”

“The stipend they give us on sports scholarship is not enough,” Buffy sighs and T.J. can commiserate with that. He holds up his half-eaten muffin in a toast. 

“Hey, at least you and Cyrus are on scholarship,” Andi pouts. “Liberal arts college is the worst financial decision I’ve ever made.” 

“But it’ll all even out when you’re a world famous artist and we can fly out to France to see your new art gallery in the Louvre,” Cyrus encourages in a way that feels more sincere than most. 

“Yeah, and you can represent Jonah when he gets sued for what he’s done to his apartment,” Marty snickers.

Jonah kicks up a fuss and the others fall into bickering over something T.J. clearly does not have enough information on. Instead, he turns his attention back to Cyrus, where it had been threatening to float all evening. 

“You’re going to college to be a lawyer?” He asks, taking a bite of his muffin. Cyrus turns to him as if surprised to be T.J.’s focus once again. 

“Yeah! A civil rights lawyer, though, not a defense attorney.”

“That’s really cool.” He hoped he sounded as sincere as Cyrus had earlier, cause it’s true. T.J. wished he had a career path that was at least half as good for the world as Cyrus’s. He was only studying kinesiology because it’s what a bunch of student athletes did and his parents wanted him to have something to fall back on. He wasn’t going to be changing the world anytime soon.

Cyrus shrugs and blushes, ducking his head. He’s clearly not used to taking compliments which is a shame because they’re filling T.J.’s head like helium in a balloon. One poke and they’ll all come spilling out. 

“Yeah, well, it was either that or become a psychologist. All four of my parents are psychologists.”

“Four?”

“Mom, dad, step-mom, and step-dad,” Cyrus says with a shrug. This topic of conversation he’s far too used to. “You know how it goes.”

“Nah, actually,” T.J. glances away for a second before back to Cyrus. “My parents are the kind that should’ve split up but never did. It kind of left a bad mark on Amber and I’s relationship with them, and each other.”

Cyrus looks up at him curiously. He’s curled towards him, leaning against the back of the loveseat and subsequently propping his head up on T.J.’s arm. The weight is nice, grounding.

“Is that why we’ve never met you before?”

“Yeah,” T.J. admits. It feels safer to tell Cyrus here, where they’re practically alone, instead of to the whole group. “I left to live with my grandparents in high school. The distance helped Amber and I a lot.”

“I’m glad.” Cyrus smiles up at him. “I don’t have any siblings but Buffy and Andi are basically like my sisters. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember.”

T.J. smiles, feelings bittersweet. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone like that.”

Cyrus considers him quietly. His face is serious and strangely more confident than it had been when their conversation began. “You should.”

They fall into silence then, just observing each other, gathering their thoughts and basking in the feeling their bubble had created. T.J. was still impressed by how quickly Cyrus had sucked him in. There was just something about the young man that felt authentic and calming, like everything was going to be okay. It’s a feeling T.J. has rarely ever felt in his life.

“You know, you’re weirdly easy to talk to.”

Cyrus smiles, teasing. “It’s the four therapists as parents. You get used to listening.” 

--

Cyrus and T.J. don’t have an opportunity to be quiet together for the rest of the night. Once the other’s finished bickering, they drew the two into a game of Trivial Pursuit, and then Truth or Dare, and then Charades, which T.J. and Buffy weirdly dominated at, to Marty and Jonah’s chagrin. By the end of the night, T.J. was exhausted but happy. He’d left the house to escape the private going ons of his sister and her girlfriend and ended up meeting people he’d never believe he felt so at home with. The way they opened up and welcomed him in felt amazing, like nothing he’d ever experienced.

“It’s a great feeling, right?” Marty had said, halfway through the night, when they’d both stepped into the kitchen to grab a drink. “Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus have always been this trio. It should feel like an impenetrable wall to cross but they always open up and offer space to anyone who needs it. Jonah and I in middle school, Walker and Libby in high school, and now you.” 

T.J. had blinked in surprise, looking back out to the living room. The three roommates were doing weird poses, trying to convince the others they were real formations used in yoga, or just trying to make the other two laugh. He watches with a warm feeling in his stomach as Cyrus laughs so much he topples out of the position he was in, sprawling across the carpeted floor. 

“Can it really be that easy?”

Marty had shrugged and given him a welcoming smile. A beckoning smile. “Only if you let it be.” 

And T.J. was going to let it be. He wasn’t going to question the new familiarity between himself and these people. He was just going to accept it and holds on as long as he could. By the time he left, he had four new numbers in his phone. When he got home, there was a text from one of them. 

Buffy the Basketball Slayer

You better ask Cyrus out soon

He’s not known for making the first move and I can not handle three months of pining

Hop on it Kippen

T.J. grinned. He sent back a thumbs up emoji before pulling down the fire escape. He stumbles through his window and onto his bed, feeling dazed from both the climb and the night he had.

“Hvae fun?” Amber asks from the open doorway. That had definitely been closed when he left, but T.J.’s proud of the fact he didn’t startle at her sudden appearance. 

“Yeah.” He knows he’s grinning like a madman but he just can’t help it. 

“Good,” his sister says. She ruffles his hair, blonde matching her own. “Good night, little bro.”

“Night,” he calls as she exits the room. He sits up a little to make his next words heard. “Good night to you, too, Iris!”

There’s a pause, then, “Good night, T.J.! Sweet dreams!”

And well. There’s no doubt that they will be.

[cutie-lumi]

STOP IM LITERALLY A WHOLE GAY MAN I CANT

IM GOING THROUGH A REVOLUTION

SAVE ME GIRL NATSUME

AAAAAAAAAAA

your Leo made me cry laugh explode go through the 7 stages of grief and ate my depression GRILLLLL I need more GIRLEO JAHDJEJJE you are my inspiration... (haha get it inspiration just like Leo) OK GET THUS GUY (me) OFF THE STAGE ILY ART BYE

ASASKLFJASLKFJASLKFJ I TOTALLY GET YOU!!!!!!! im a whole ass lesbian but whenever i see tsumugi aoba i go [CAVEMAN BRAIN MODE ACTIVATED] NO ONE CAN ESCAPE FROM FEMSTARS...... IT'S JUST WAY TOO GOOD. also who doesnt love looking at pretty girls from time to time, right?? FEM!LEO IS SOOOOOOOOO ADORABLE I LOVE HER!!!!! i had a few extra sketches i made of kitty leo a few months ago, but i cant find them rn 😢my dumbass either deleted them by mistake or probably saved in one of my 4385734895 art folders...... BUT I PROMISE THAT, ONCE I (HOPEFULLY) FIND THEM, I'LL POST THEM HERE!!! anyWAYS IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT IM YOUR INSPIRATION!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭💓💗💖💘 It's honestly one of the most amazing feelings ever - knowing that my work or passion has made a difference in someone's life 🥺❤️❤️❤️

[cassyapper]

anyway so my fanmade avdol backstory

i think avdol comes from a standuser family like the joestars essentially. like you know how stands are implied to be inheritable? it's like that for avdol's family particularly on avdol's father's side. as such avdol's father kinda expects his kids to jsut have stands. but until they do he doesnt pay attention to them. he's like kakyoin in that he thinks nonstandusers are beneath him. i dont think he's necessarily a cruel man but he def has issues with seeing how he fits with everyone else. he doesnt try to bond with anyone unless they prove theyre worth his attention first via having a stand (im still toying with whether i think avdol's mom has a stand outright but she can at least see stands)

anyway so avdol is born. then his sister is born

since avdol's dad is distant with them, avdol's grandma (on dad's side) essentially takes the role of the second parent. avdol loves her so much (as does his sister)

avdol unlocks magician's red when he got angry about something. probably his dad being gone again and avdol is pissed about it and when his grandma tries to calm him down he refuses and it explodes out of him via magician's red. i think the lines on his cheeks are burn scars cause he was crying while it was happening (first from anger then from fear) and the water boiled and burned into his skin cause of the flames. avdol's grandma soothes him and helps calm him down and shows him her stand. he's not evil, he jsut doesnt know how to use it. avdol still wonders if maybe he's an exception on the evilness thing (which is why he's so sympathetic re jotaro)

anyway

so avdol now has a stand and his dad takes great interest in him, esp cause it's so powerful. this makes his sister incredibly sad and jealous cause it used to be her and avdol against the world esp against their dad, and now he's abandoned her too. she eventually deflates and mourns and avdol feels bad but also his dad is rubbing off on him and he tells his sister "it's not your fault you just aren't as equal to him as me" and this ruins her. it makes her sotp trying.  this is lethal cause then when her stand does try to seep in, her mind rejects it because she think it's not possible. thus she starts dying from stand sickness. avdol is frantic and goes on a journey of his own to try and find someone, anyone that could help her, cause his dad doesnt care enough to find someone (he's not uncaring that she's sick but he's like "she'll get better if she earns it" cause again, he has issues). btw that blatant disregard for her is what makes avdol question his dad's teachings

anyway so he gors on an adventure which is how he meets all the standusers he later knows in sdc. they can't really help him cause they dont care about saving a "weak little girl" but they like avdol and respect him and they refer him to the next stnaudser guy. this is shady business though and eventually leads to meeting enyaba in india. enyaba takes note of his potential and says "sure i'll help you look for a cure..."

while they search together, she names avdol's stand magician's fury. anyway so while theyre in india and searching around for something avdol doesnt even know exists, he meets and makes friends with nonstandusers. enyaba doesnt like this and eventually kills some of them to use as puppets for the dirty work. avdol doesnt find out about that right away he just knows suddenly some of his friends disappeared. his remaining friends tell him that enyaba is fucked but avdol is like nooo she can't be she said she was gonna help me cure my sister and they kinda look at each other like mohammed...

well. it turns out enyaba was not helping avdol but in fact was using him to help HER find a stand arrow. when they find it she's like hah! awesome. okay go home now and avodl is like wait what. she’s like oh come on you can’t have honestly expected me to be searching for a way to cure weakness right? so they have a fight and avdol almost dies. his friends save him though. they get him back to india and treat his wounds and avdol shows up just in time to be by his sister's bedside when she passes from stand sickness. avdol tried telling her it doesnt matter if she has a stand she's not lesser after all, standusers can be cruel and grimy and wormy just like anyone else, and that nonstandusers can be brave and heroic and kind, and it doesnt matter, it doesnt, it doesn't, but it's too late and she dies cause se had been listening to avdol’s dad’s rhetoric the whole time she was sick and it just. it was too little too late.

avdol never really recovers after that and it's part of why he puts on that polite, well-composed mask. he never wants to be presumptuous again, never wants to be the reason someone feels that way again, so he always hears people out and he always gives more chances than he maybe should

anyway his grandma renames his stand "magician's red" btw after the funeral when she sees avdol’s stand again (it used to be orange but it changed to red after his sister died cause red was her favorite color). she tells avdol now she’ll always be a part of his soul and he can fight with her strength still and avdol cries and cries and cries and she helps him. yeah

anyway that’s my avdol backstory