#anyways monday tomorrow i gotta sleep smh

[moons-rising]

really can't post anything that might even slightly make flight rising a more fun game without someone crawling out of the woods crying about ThE eCoNoMyyy 😭 maybe it's the anticapitalist in me but y'all i do not give a shit about the economy of some pixel game on the internet lmfaooo i'm an adult with a job. who gives a shit

[funkkpunk]

Sober October days 11 & 12

 Truly feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and that is okay. I admit to myself that I haven’t been working out like I should. I haven’t been studying and trying to improve my jiu jitsu. I haven’t been pushing myself in music. Haven’t been eating as clean as I should. Or sleeping as much as I should. Or treating myself with kindness. I’ve just been kind of going through every day telling myself that tomorrow will be better. Been putting all of my meaning into a single relationship and I failed at that. I don’t mean to be dramatic when I say life without it has lost a lot of its essence. The highlights of my days are the animals I see. I went to Blythe this weekend and it was so nice to see Luna the loving blue heeler. She’s so smart and so mischievous. There were 2 new dogs at the ranch, brothers Oso and Rocky. Can’t remember who but I think it was Rocky who had his hip broken from being stuck in the fence. Poor guy was limping around but in good spirits. Life on the outskirts of civilization is a bit more real. It’s beautiful and tragic. I think we’ve had 3 or 4 dogs die in the past few years, something that’s kind of unheard of over here in suburbia. It makes it special when one like Luna continues on, it shows her intelligence I think. I worked on the tractor all day preparing the soil for the horse arena. It was fun, but my phone fell out of pocket and I ran it over and did not realize until it was too late. That’s like the 4th one in a couple of years lol. Not going to let my mom fix it this time because last time I told her would be the last time and that I would take care of it. I know she’ll still ask me to fix it but it won’t be long I just got a job. Going to be working for my dad.. lol such a rich kid sometimes. So sheltered in my own little world. Phone breaks? Mommy will buy you one. How did you break it? Working on your father’s ranch? No not really working, just giving them a hand because I have the luxury of doing so. Need a job? Don’t worry Daddy has one for you. Lol but I’m just being cynical, in reality I am lucky to have that opportunity and I know that it goes both ways because I get to help him out with his business. But yeah after the tractor work we went and picked up some hay. Fun and exhausting in a good way. Killed my allergies though smh sensitive ass. After that I showered, ate, and watched a couple of movies with my dad and tata. First time I had really seen him laugh in a while which was nice. But after the movie he told me how it hurts so bad to lay down and sleep. He said if he could he would shoot himself but that you just have to tough it out till the end. I’m not sure which one takes more courage. He is a strong man. I remember he told me not to play games with Susan that if I loved her I should do so with conviction. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’ve spent so much of my life ignoring the advice of others and where has it gotten me. Better late than never I guess. Followed my mothers advice to unfollow Susan on social media as well. I mean I guess I see her point because yes seeing her do well does make me feel a bit sad (toxic POV, I know)  but honestly I feel like that’s the only reason I even use social media right now lol. I guess memes are fun now and then. Humorous little distractions from the world. But yeah I decided to not reach out as well. I don’t care if I make a fool out of myself (I had wanted to ask if certain social media posts were about me) but I’m just going to continue to respect the fact that she didn’t want me to speak to her. Even though I have already broken that twice by now. I can’t act upon selfish desires and wants, because at the end of the day what could I really provide to her life at this point. I’ll just learn my lessons. Plus I keep just making myself feel sad and I don’t think its healthy. I’ve cried almost every day give or take a few since I’ve moved and at this point I just have to stop putting myself in little situations that will provoke such feelings. The only one that’s almost impossible to avoid is the post jiu jitsu shower LOL. Yikes. Gotta stop living in my own delusions.. not only about her but about the things I’m “pursuing” (air quotes because of stagnation). I made a couple of beats in the car and originally I thought they were good, but upon second listening I hated them. Can’t seem to make anything that I like lately.. so I guess it’s time to put some more effort into my skills. But real effort, with intention. Not just habitual practice, although I guess I can give myself props for being semi consistent. What was the point of this again? I guess it’s just a space to vent some thoughts. Oh yes, today I went to the ranch of my dad’s friend and I got to see a couple of my dad’s Andalusian horses. They were really sweet creatures I just wanted to pet them for the rest of the day. So powerful and intimidating and yet they were so calm. I remember reading that horses are considered healing animals by some native american tribes, I wonder if I felt that today. Felt like shit as soon as I got home though lol. I was originally going to take a nap but I think I’m going to shower, go to the gym (yes in that order), and clean a bunch of shit so I can attack my Monday from a positive perspective. I say that I’m going to stay away and yet I  still make these posts.. why? Honestly for the possibility that you might read this and have some insight into my thoughts. But what does that even do for me? Is that just manipulative? I don’t think I’d let myself do that if I knew for sure this person you didn’t want anything to do with me. And yet for some reason I have the slightest bit of hope that you do. Such a hypocritical mindset lol it’s like really defeated at first “oh what can i even provide to her life blah blah blah” but then it’s like “I just wanna show you love and do everything right!! Ima have money for dates! and a body for the beach! I’ll apply my creativity and my passion and I’ll never allow you to doubt my love for even a second”. Man idk. This shit is too long but ima post it anyways. No going backwards in life. Gonna feed the dogs and workout.

[icaberries]

Destination: In Your Arms

Title: Destination: In Your Arms

Author: kagstsukki

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairings: Kageyama Tobio/Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Oikawa Tooru/Kuroo Tetsurou

Tags: Soulmate AU, Canon Divergence, Polyamory, Long Distance Relationships

Word Count: 2,914 words 

Author’s Note: Hiiiiiii~ <3 This was written for @okiiita for the who @hqrarepairexchange. They listed KinKuniKage and OiKuroo as their rare ships. I couldn’t decide which one to focus on so I just did both of them! I hope you like it! (^3^)~<3 

Edit: I’m shit with measurements. I changed some of the distances because they did not make sense ;) 

Summary:

"Your soulmate is coming?"

Fuck. "Ah...yeah...He'll be here at the opening ceremony. I hope."

"That's nice." Kageyama looks wistful as he stares at his bandaged left wrist. His right hand twitches as if itching to see his numbers, but it stays by his side.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Your soulmates must be watching wherever they are, right?" Kuroo ruffles his hair playfully and Kageyama blushes in embarrassment.

9:08pm, 1200 meters

Tobio: We're boarding our bus now. We'll get to Tokyo around 5am.

Akira: Have a safe trip.

Yuutarou: When does your first game start?

Tobio: Two days from now. We have a day for sightseeing and one for training.

Tobio: Do you want me to bring home anything?

Yuutarou: the Nationals trophy

Tobio: That's already a given

Tobio: ...

Tobio: I really wish you guy could come with me.

Yuutarou: We want to

Yuutarou: But we still have school. I don't think our parents would want us to skip just to head to Tokyo.

Tobio: :(

Akira: Cheer up. The finals is on a weekend, right? We'll be there.

Akira: For now we'll cheer you on from here.

Yuutarou: Oikawa-san is gonna bring his laptop. We can watch the live stream during breaks or after training.

Tobio: Oikawa-san's gonna watch?

Akira: Kuroo-san is participating, isn't he?

Tobio: Ohhhh...

Tobio: That's nice.

Yuutarou: Shit. I gotta go. My Mom's making me go to bed early.

Yuutarou: Have a safe trip, Tobio! Good night!

Yuutarou has logged out

Akira: I have to go to. I have an exam next week.

Akira: You'll do great out there, Tobio.

Tobio: Thank you.

Tobio: Good night, Akira.

Akira: <3

Tobio: <3

Akira has logged out

Tobio has logged out

9:30pm, 1200 meters

Tanaka arrives last, muttering something about his sister and dramatic goodbyes, and they finally make their way to Tokyo.

Kageyama looks out of the window at Karasuno High School with its closed lights and empty hallways. Under normal circumstances, tomorrow would just be another day for weekend training. However, tomorrow they would be miles away in a different city, participating in a tournament that could make a mark in the history of the Karasuno VBC.

"What'cha thinking about Kageyama?" Hinata asks next to him. Despite the darkness of the night, his eyes are still bright, still full of spark and ready for the next challenge.

"Nothing," he answers, but Hinata catches him fiddling with his cellphone.

"They're not coming?" Hinata asks, understanding immediately.

Kageyama sighs, turning away to look out of the window. The bus has exited the school now and is slowly rumbling down the hill. Their teammates are absorbed with talking to each other or trying to sleep. "Our first game is on Monday. They have classes. Of course they can't come."

"Do you want them to?"

Kageyama lowers himself in his seat-he is still unused to someone asking about his feelings-but Hinata's eyes are bright and patient. He'd be lying if he said he doesn't trust him after all they've been through together.

"I miss them," he says, finally putting away his phone. His wrist itches the farther they go. "It hasn't been that long since we got back together again. We promised each other in middle school that we'd go to Nationals together someday. To go there without them...it feels...it's just...it-"

"It doesn't feel right," Hinata finishes for him.

The bus finally arrives at the foot of the hill. It passes by Sakanoshita Store and Ukai-san looks out the window with a faraway look in his eyes.

"Yeah."

Silence passes between them. The bus passes by closed houses, closed shops and cafes, an occasional open store and quiet, empty streets. Everyone is still wide awake, talking in hushed voices. It hasn't quite sink in that they're on their way to Nationals.

"I think they'd go if they can, Kageyama."

"I know."

In a few minutes, they're out of Miyagi and Kageyama feels the distance stretch between him and his soulmates. His wrist burns.

In their world, soulmates are marked with numbers on their wrist corresponding to the physical distance between them.

Kindaichi and Kunimi both lay in bed, watching as one set of their numbers steadily increases and the other one remains the same.

Kageyama watches as the both sets of his numbers rise until he falls asleep, slumped against Hinata.

11:37am, [0m] [365000m]

The Aoba Johsai Men's Volleyball Club had a tradition that every two weeks they'd meet up and hang out outside of volleyball practice. Today they're at a ramen shop they always frequent after games and the owner jovially greets them and ushers them to a long table in the corner. Everyone's being loud and cheerful, the pain of losing semifinals only a memory behind them.

The noise distracts Kindaichi from looking at his numbers as he joins in cheering on the arm wrestling match between Kyoutani and Hanamaki. Next to him sits Kunimi who is frowning down at his wrist. While Kindaichi seems to be able to distract himself, he can't stop thinking about his numbers and worrying about Kageyama. Being a poly bond, all of them have two sets of numbers. While him and Kindaichi have a set saying 0m, Kageyama has both sets showing the enormous distance between them.

Oikawa, who has been unexpectly quiet the whole afternoon, takes a look at both of them, at the upset look on Kunimi's face and forced smile on Kindaichi's. It prompts him to make the announcement.

"I won't be going to school tomorrow."

His voice is loud enough to carry over the entire table. The arm wrestly match abruptly stops, the cheering dies down as the team looks at their captain and Iwaizumi scowls.

"Where the fuck are you going then?" Iwaizumi asks, concern masked under the gruff statement.

"To Tokyo," when he says this, he looks at Kunimi and Kindaichi as if the knew the exact effect his words will have on them.

They're distracted by the arrival of their food. Iwaizumi waits until everyone is tucking in before bumping Oikawa in the shoulder. "I'll cover for you."

"Don't you always do that anyway?" Oikawa smiles, genuine. Iwaizumi snorts and starts eating his ramen. "There's a problem though."

"What's that?"

"If you're covering for me-" Oikawa levels a look at Kunimi and Kindaichi, a knowing look on his face. "-who's gonna cover for  you two?"

It's one of the few moments Kunmi is convinced Oikawa is a psychic.

11:32pm, 365000m

Tooru: Find a way for Tobio-chan to cover up his soulmate marks tomorrow.

Tetsu: ???

Tetsu: Okayyyyy

Tetsu: y tho?

Tooru: just do it

Tooru: And why the fuck are you still awake anyway?

Tooru: jfc go to sleep it's Nationals tomorrow!!!!!

Tetsu: says the guy who gets 2 hrs of sleep on game days

Tetsu: But yeah, ok. Ill sleep in a min.

Tetsu: y do you need me to get kags to cover up his marks?

Tooru: because I'm an awesome senpai

Tetsu: stfu im better

Tooru: prove it

Tetsu: I got lev and shiba to realize why their numbers are always the same

Tooru: Well, I'm driving Yuu-chan and Sleepy-chan all the way to Tokyo to see their bf

Tetsu: Fukunaga and Tora got me a 'World's Okay-est Captain' shirt

Tetsu: Daichi got a '#1 Captain' mug smh

Tooru: wtf i want one

Tooru: I locked Yaha-chan and Kyouken in the supply room until they confessed!

Tetsu: Kenma says I have better hair than you

Tooru: LIES

Tooru: SCREW YOU TETSU-CHAN

Tetsu: get to tokyo and we'll see ;)))

Tooru: GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP ALREADY

Tooru: AND SEE YOU TOMORROW

Tooru has logged out

Tetsu: Love you too~

Tetsu has logged out

8:17am <unknown>

"Kageyama-kun are okay? Why is your wrist bandaged?"

"Kuroo-san says Kenma-san and Akaashi-san do this before games for good luck."

"You do know that's a load of bull—mmph!"

"Shut up, Tsukki."

"Wait, isn't that Tsukishima's line?"

"Sorry Yamaguchi."

"What's with the role reversal?!"

6:00am [0m] [363400m]

"Sleepy-chan, Yuu-chan. Get in."

Kunimi eyes the light blue Cadillac dubiously. "Um..."

"Don't worry! I have my license already. We'll be fine."

"That's not very assuring, Oikawa-san." Kunimi says as he climbs in the back seat with his and Kindaichi's bags. Kindaichi tries to join him but is stopped by Oikawa.

"Go ride shotgun, Yuu-chan."

Kindaichi pales. "Do I have to?"

"Of course." Oikawa steers him to the front seat and all but pushes him in. "That way I don't feel like a Mom chaffeuring her two kids to their first date."

"You'll survive," Kunimi says in consolation, patting his shoulder. Kindaichi gives him a withering look as puts on his seatbelt.

Oikawa slides in the driver's seat, checks all the mirrors and puts on his seatbelt. "I got Kuroo-chan to convince Tobio-chan to cover his marks. That way it will be a surprise."

"Thanks Oikawa-san," Kunimi says and Kindaichi echoes his sentiments. It's not just about the surprise, it's for everything—lying smoothly to their parents about their whereabouts, getting Iwaizumi to cover for them at school, driving them in the first place.

Oikawa understands what they mean and looks fondly at his two juniors. "You're welcome. A captain has to look out for his team, y'know?"

The tender moment lasts for about two seconds until Oikawa shoots out of the driveway and narrowly misses hitting a trash can on their way out.

10:02am, 9500m

Kuroo stares at his numbers. They've been steadily decreasing since morning. A flutter of anticipation washes over him at the thought of seeing Oikawa again. The last time they saw each other had been last summer when Nekoma went to Miyagi for a practice match and he snuck out to see Oikawa for a few minutes.

"Um...Kuroo-san?"

Kageyama is standing in front of him, fidgeting with the bandage on his wrist. "Can I take it off now?"

"No!" he bursts out, starlting both of them. "Not until they get here."

"Not until who gets here?"

Shit. "U-Until Kenma or Akaashi gets here. You can ask them when to take it off. I don't really know. Must be a setter thing." Kuroo laughs nervously, scratching at his cheek with his index finger. Kageyama follows the movement, eyes zeroing in on the numbers on Kuroo's wrist.

"Your soulmate is coming?"

Fuck. "Ah...yeah...He'll be here at the opening ceremony. I hope."

"That's nice." Kageyama looks wistful as he stares at his bandaged left wrist. His right hand twitches as if itching to see his numbers, but it stays by his side.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Your soulmates must be watching wherever they are, right?" Kuroo ruffles his hair playfully and Kageyama blushes in embarassment.

If Kageyama was Oikawa's kouhai way back then, that makes him partially Kuroo's too, right?

10:34am, 4897m

"Shit." Oikawa looks out into the sea of cars before him. They were already inside Tokyo, but the stadium where Nationals was being held was still far away. To top it off, they were stuck in traffic, squeezed between a truck and a minivan and the noise of Tokyo's streets pounding through the windows.

"Are we going to make it?" Kindaichi asks worriedly, scratching at his numbers. They haven't changed for a while now. "The program starts at 11."

"We'll get there," Oikawa promises. His grip around the steering wheel tightens. "We just have to...get in front of this line somehow."

Oikawa glances at Kunimi in the mirror. He is rubbing at his wrist restlessly as if it would make the numbers change faster. To his side, Kindaichi sticks his head out of the window to look at the traffic light up ahead. Oikawa looks down at his own mark. The number marked there is practically mocking him, telling him he's close but it's not enough.

"Kindaichi, get back inside. Kunimi, seatbelt now."

The use of their real names prompt his two juniors to scramble for their seats. Up ahead, the light turns green and the cars start moving forward. When the truck in front of them moves he turns to face both of them, an intense look in his eyes.

"Do not tell Iwa-chan about this," he stresses. They nod furiously.

Oikawa floors it.

10:40am, <427meters>

"What the fuck?!" Kuroo exclaims as he watches the number on his wrist rapidly decrease. "What is he doing?"

"Your soulmate must be excited to see you." Kageyama comments, unknown to him that his numbers are doing the same beneath the bandage. He removes his eyes from Kuroo's decreasing numbers when he catches sight of yellow and white jerseys down the hallway. "Oh, I see Akaashi-san. I'll ask him about the bandage."

"Kageyama wait!"

Hurry the fuck up, Tooru.

10:42am, <157m>

Kindaichi has done suicide laps until he fainted, he went sky diving from a plane on a dare, he experienced a forty feet drop off a roller coaster.

None of that could compare to Oikawa Tooru's driving.

The scenery blurs outside the vehicle as Oikawa weaves through the traffic and goes through the smallest of spaces as if he is simply looking for cracks in a blocker's defense. Kindaichi yelps as they almost crash into an electric pole if not for Oikawa making a sharp turn that almost lifted one side of the car.

Kunimi has his eyes closed in the back seat, trying to ignore all the chaos. Kindaichi itches to hold his hand for comfort but it's currently busy holding on to the safety bar above his head for his dear life.

And if he somehow broke said bar during the ride, he'll apologize to Iwaizumi later.

Assuming Iwaizumi won't be too busy killing Oikawa for this.

10:44am, <unknown>

"A lucky charm for setters?" Akaashi raises a brow, confused.

"Kuroo-san said you and Kenma-san do it before games." Kageyama raises his wrist to reveal the bandage wrapped around it. "When can I remove it?"

Akaashi looks behind Kageyama to where Kuroo is making cross motions with his hands.

"You can take it off now, if you'd like," he says, smile borderline sly.  Kuroo's jaw drops. "I don't know about you, but I don't like hiding my soulmate mark."

"Fucking hell Akaashi!"

10:46am, 110m

Kunimi staggers out of the car, dropping on his knees on the asphalt of the parking lot.

"Oh sweet land, I am never leaving you again," he mutters, pressing his cheek on the ground.

"Now's not the time for a nap," Oikawa says. His hair still artfully styled after the ride. What the hell? He's helping a pale Kindaichi out of the car. "I'm calling Kuroo-chan!"

10:47am, [15m] [15m]

"Huh?"

Kageyama stares at his numbers in disbelief. This morning it was 365200, but now it was only 15?

"Looks like your soulmates are nearby. I'd go find them if I were you. The ceremony starts in a few minutes," Akaashi says before walking back to the clustered Fukurodani players.

Kuroo pulls out his phone at an incoming text.

Tooru: We're here!!! Lobby, near the player's entrance. Hurry!!!

"Sawamura! I need to borrow your setter for minute. Yaku, keep an eye on the team!"

Ignoring their indignant shouts, Kuroo grabs Kageyama by the arm and bolts.

10:49, 3.3528m

Kunimi is someone who values his sleep. Few things hold rapture over him than the bliss of a nap. However, included in those few things are his boyfriends. It's why he let Kindaichi burst through his bedroom door at 5am in the morning. It's why he willingly skipped class just to drive four hours to Tokyo. It's why he's standing here right now.

Kindaichi's heart has just returned to its normal pace after Oikawa's driving from hell, but the sight of Kageyama appearing in the lobby makes it speed up again. A large smile fills his face at the look of surprise and utter happiness on Kageyama's face at the sight of them.

Kageyama stares at them. Is it really-?

He starts running.

14m

13m

12m

9m

6m

4m

2m

He launches himself at Kindaichi who catches him in his arms, laughing as he twirls them around.

0m

"You came! You're here! You're real!" Kageyama says, excitement on his features and his eyes bright as he looks at them, their ruffled hair, their tired eyes and the happy smiles on their faces.

"Of course. There was no way we're missing your first Nationals game." Kindaichi brushes their noses together, earning him a breathless laugh.

"But school--"

"There are two hundred days in a school year." Kunimi says, stepping up and cupping his cheek. "But only one day for our boyfriend's Nationals debut."

"But how--"

"Oikawa-san drove us." Kunimi buries his hear in Kageyama's black uniform jacket. "We had to wake up at dawn to make it on time." He nuzzles against him, letting out a soft yawn.

"Are you still sleepy?" Kageyama asks, running a hand through his hair.

"Worth it. You're always worth it, Tobio."

"Unlike you, Kunimi is not good in sleeping in a moving vehicle. Especially if it's Oikawa-san driving." Oikawa makes an affronted noise a few feet away but it's drowned out by his giggles as Kuroo peppers his face with kisses, arms wrapped around Oikawa's waist.

Kindaichi tries to pull Kunimi off Kageyama. "Come on, if we get inside now you can take a nap before the opening ceremony."

"Wait." Kunimi pulls away but he still has a hand gripping Kageyama's jacket. He pulls him down by the fabric and presses a kiss on his cheek. When Kunimi lets go, there's a smirk on his face. "Go kick some ass."

Kageyama grins, feral, determined and beautiful all at once. "Count on it."

Kindaichi kisses the top of his head. "Show the world what you can do."

"So I'll just show you two then?"

They look at him in confusion.

Kageyama smiles. "You two are my world after all."

Forget Oikawa's driving, it's Kageyama's smile that kills them in the end.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2178

today was unproductive. i was up with my alarms so i made it to my appointment on time, and we finished about ten minutes early so he was like, "k bye" so we just. were done. cool.

i then went to help my mom in the garden, despite wearing all black and the temperature rising to be in the low 90s today, even by noon. awful. ground up fish and shits and a bunch of water apparently makes good fertilizer? no thanks. (fish and shits is fun to write bc it sounds like "fish and chips" so i couldn't not.)

basically, again, i just watched tv for the day. i feel like my brain is melting. i did, though, put some puzzle pieces together on the puzzle that's now up in the living room bc my mom needed something quiet to do. we both like puzzles bc they're easy enough and basically only require sorting, and i like them because of the spatial awareness that you need to use to be good at predicting where pieces go exactly, even when there aren't other pieces around them yet. i'm v good at that part.

after showering and talking to my mom about my grandma and how terrible she's being, i went to get the air conditioner in my looked at. it took maybe two hours or so for them to be all done, but it looks like a switch malfunctioned, so chris is gonna see if he can get it from the dealership so he can fix it for me. i have enough money to cover it, so that's good, and i'm glad i'll finally be getting my AC fixed.

after leaving the shop, i went in search of food. i had been tasked with finding dinner for me and my mom, and knowing she wanted a sub from a place i Really Don't Like, i went to mcnaldos and ordered my normal order of bamhurgers, fries, and a sprite, with a hot fudge sundae in there too because i wanted one. but apparently they didn't hear the first part of my order, so i ended up getting bad fries, a sprite that i probably drank way too quickly, and a sundae that i know i ate way too quickly. and i determined also that i needed to stop spending money like i had it to spare, so i went to the bank and pulled more money out of my account to prevent myself from buying things online. i'm hoping it works, because i spent like $250 last night and i'm not happy with myself about that. i have the cash on hand, but i need to deposit it on purpose to get it, so i'm kinda blocking myself from being irresponsible. so that was good.

anyway, mom's dinner was perfect. i'm so good at ordering other people's food. me? not so much.

i sat with my parents and attempted to do homework but got caught up in watching "raising dion," which is SO cool and it CAUGHT ME UP so i didn't do any homework, so that sucks for me because i gotta do it all tomorrow now. smh.

i also went in search of the comet, which i was too late to find. i did, however, find the perfect spot for finding it, because the sky is unobstructed and it's right behind an ice cream stand. so i'm gonna go comet hunting with my sister tomorrow.

anyway, i stopped for more food on my way home, because i haven't eaten anything remotely good for me in like three days, so i had a Vegetable on my burgers and i was happy with that. i also had my lemonade which was just really perfect because not having air conditioning just really honestly truly sucks.

now i'm just chillin in bed because it's past 2 in the morning and i'm just thinking about my day and realizing that i really don't do anything, and how that kinda really sucks. but what can you do? the rona is awful, and even then, when you got shit to do, you gotta do the shit you gotta do. even if it sucks.

also? i'm glad tomorrow is tuesday. i could definitely use the joel hugs. when it gets to mondays, i just really miss joel. he gets busy and does stuff during the afternoon/evening, and when i go to bed he's still up, and when i wake up he goes to bed. so i don't hear from him much. i'm not thrilled about waking him up when i'm over there, especially since he rarely gets to sleep at a decent hour, even when i'm there, and i know how bad his sleep is anyway, so that sucks. i'm just happy that i'll get to cuddle with him and watch psych again. (*i wanna hold your hand starts playing in the background*)

[solasulad]

Two Weeks Worth.

Feb 1st recap

And I can’t believe the lies that I went though

Thought you where mine but you decided to be with him tho

You took my feelings and just through them out the window

Feels like it’s too hard to fall in love again no

On some nights like this shorty I can’t help but think of us

I been reminiscing simply missing ya

Can you tell me what’s with all this distance love?

If I call would you pick it up?

On some nights like this i just want to text you but for what?

You gon say you want me then go switch it up.

Just gon play with my emotions just because..

You gon get my hopes high boy.

How am I feeling?

I cried my eyes out last night because of josh. (Jan 26)

Did a 13 hour shift and closer to 9ish I messaged him asking how he was with his girl? And he replied back saying that

“I decided to say with her and see how things go, I don’t want to ruin anything because of our anniversary and that would break her. So I’m just going with the flow”

I read that message at work and sink in my seat. I felt bad all over again. Like wow.

I don’t know what i was expecting with him tbh. Like he fed me the idea that he was unhappy with his girl, and that’s what i kinda took and ran with it.

I cried so much last night, both eyes tearing when i normally cry form my left only.

I felt my chest getting heavy and my breathing was barely there. Like I was hurt bad. Then i started thinking about all the other guys who’ve put me last.

He wants to protect her and her feelings okay, but also look at mine, I had sex with you, I hung out with you, I make stupid moves and showed you who I was.

I shouldn’t be catching feelings but, once you been shown something that feels so good it’s kind of hard to forget about it.

I asked myself this question last night:

When are these guys going to look at me and see me. When are they going to be like damn I really hurt her. When? Cause I’m giving up at this point.

Even hair.

I went to see him Thursday Jan 26 @ night. Had back and forth messages through text. I made plans to see him Thursday at 6.. but I was running late and there was traffic.. he asked me to come by his ends.. okay.. but when I got there he was in a white van, light tints, parking in an open space.. so i was kind of shocked how low he thought of me. He said he couldn’t hang up the call cause he was on a conference “meeting” call.. so he put it on mute and fucked me right there in the open space next to a church. I felt disgusted with myself afterwards. Like I can’t believe I allowed myself to want that.. met up with Marisa after that didn’t tell her it was Thursday we had sex but told her we fucked Wednesday. I feel no ways towards hair at this point either, cause josh was bigger than him but also how he didn’t care tbh. Like you finger me that’s just it. He doesn’t even eat. And I was doing the most on his dick. Like the fucking most deep throating it, back and forth holding it there for a bit then going on. I don’t even know if he came from head cause he switched me over like 5 mins into it. We fucked, I felt space between his dick I think I got bigger but 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Spoke about josh with Marisa she says he’s a pussy. Which he is. Didn’t tell Marisa about hair cause she would look at me crazy.

Who wouldn’t look at their friend and think of them as a thot or hoe? After fucking a guy in a open space next to a church? Damn.

Feb 7th cont. recap

It’s been 2 weeks so far since I fucked hair..

Didn’t speak to him afterwards or anything, after I left the car he asked me a question saying basically how I want sex but I don’t get it as much as I want. Told him yah and something along the lines of I got a guy but my sex drives on high lately... idk wtf I said but when I left that car I had no intentions of linking him up again.

Josh.

After crying my eyes out, our snap streak died. I also decided to just let it be. I worked that pervious night on the 27th of Jan. So we been just sending memes on insta and Snapchat was pretty dry, on Sunday feb 2nd he has the nerve to message me a snap with 1 second.. I was busy doing school work and replied back along the lines of “you sending 1 second snaps might as well send a nude cause I can’t see shit” so.. he send a dick video.. I sent back a twerking vid (someone I sent to hair) and then.. that was it. He saved the video and nothing else. I went to sleep woke up seen a meme and we never spoke about the video afterwards.. that following week, he messages me saying come by his place and we can go swimming. Uhm.. I did want to go but honestly.. it’s just conflicting cause I’d be holding myself back knowing he has a girl and wants to fuck. So I just lied and said I was busy. On Wednesday night that week, the fuck it in me went thru but instead it was just to “kick it” didn’t bring a bathing suit, went there just to smoke and leave it as is. We smoked in his parking lot basement, felt that all over again, he was talking about my body telling me i got thicker, i just wanted to hang as friends but honestly we could’ve, but i felt his vibe and I left. Now I’m high as fuck and went home. He sends me a message asking when is he gonna see me again. I told him when the weather ain’t shit & that convo died.

Fast forward now to second week of February..

Past Monday he sent a snap with 👀 eyes.

I replied back wassup? He’s like I’m tryna see you.. alright, bam.. I was on the phone with Valentina and then replied back saying what you wanna do? He’s like you... so I let the convo go until he said he wanted to fuck. I paged him saying “you confusing as fuck, don’t be saying one thing and do another” he replied back saying sorry and alright. So fucking short and quick. Wow. I was on the phone with vale during that time and then later on in the night I sent him a snap saying “I just wanna fuck no confusion just fuck?” And he replied back saying the same thing.. then told me to pull up it was like 10 ish at night or so I had shit to do the next morning told him nah can’t but tomorrow...

Now fast forward to yesterday aka Tuesday feb 5.. he messages me in the evening around 5ish saying he finishing up with his lawyer, told him come by my ends. He comes by my ends but I’m paranoid cause my older bros out and i don’t want him seeing me. I pick him up from the station with the quickness. Ended up just driving down the Main Street all the way until I reached downtown. Smh my dumb ass was literally in the heart of the city and I didn’t know what to do. So the car ride was pretty chill we just talked about nothing pretty much. His girl friend wasn’t brought up, his feelings wasn’t brought up but he kept saying things like you cute, sexy ass. Etc to show he was into me. I went in dressed as a niggah. No make up, hair tied back, black sweats and a grey hoodie. Wtf am I looking cute for tryna get some dick?

Anyways. We leave downtown go to a park next to the lake and smoke. The ground is filled with Ice and I’m sliding all over the place in my A1’s. smh. We smoke it’s pretty outside but cold a fuck, we get back in my car & I think the biggest mistake I did that night was giving him the keys to my car. I was high but fuck, I should never allowed him to drive. He drove back to his ends and we said fuck it went into his parking basement and fucked right there. I gave him some head and then said it was time to fuck, he goes in to put it in and I’m like where’s the condom??????!!!!!! He said he didn’t have one and forgot when we went to 7/11.. smh he said he’ll pull out but I was so scared then he went in to give me head tryna get me wet.. like wow this guy is a fucking goof, he knows what he’s doing. After I said I was kinda iffy he went in to get me horny.. smh

We fucking how he’s going in hard and I’m digging my nails into his thigh, I’m pretty sure I left marks.. he pulls out and I felt a drip. He asks me to finish him off by giving him head so I go in. I’m sucking it deep throating it until he says that it’s painful.. okay, so I’m just sucking the tip and moving my hands with his dick.. he kept saying “oh shit” and I didn’t know what was going on thought I was hurting him but after I pulled up he told me he came.. wtf I swallowed it and I didn’t even know?? Kinda disrespectful tbh, like let me know when you coming so I can catch it. Anyhoo, I swallowed and sat up, he said that this was the short amount of sex he had but the most intense ever, lol okay? We leave the parking spot and he drives us out. I don’t want to be seen tbh. So.. we get outside have a cig and then I leave him off. He was paranoid his moms would see him from the window. Smh okay whatever.

I’m ashamed with myself big time but at the same time I wanted that dick so badly. Like confusing as fuck how you want to say one thing then do another...

We fucked and that was that. Wednesday he had to do that immigration stuff so he didn’t really message me or anything, Thursday now; I asked him how it went and he said he got accepted. Okay... wow..

But shits not gonna change. I’m dead ass just leaving it as that, like I caught myself wanting dick again just thinking about Tuesday night smh. Now I have to wait until my period comes to make sure I’m not pregnant. Smh my periods due sometime this week or next week. But woowerz.

Let’s just be friends?

And with being friends you can’t be all sexual towards me. Gotta have boundaries. No hand holding, back grabbing or kissing.

Let’s just fuck?

And with fucking we can’t be friends cause that’s just going to lead to wanting it more than we should. Wanting more than each other’s time.. peeping what we doing and who we with?

Let’s just dead it?

Cause fucking or being friends is just too much at this point. We can both just do our own thing and not worry about each other?

Who knows what’s next cause it feels like at this point shit just happens randomly in life.

[cheesyboba]

Sept 17, 2018

Hello there,

I am a girl who has terrible memory and would like to think that she could keep a journal to jot down some of the memorable things that has happened to her over the course of her life. However, I tried keeping up with my own journal, but that’s just too much writing. lol. so instead, I guess I’ll make use of this tumblr and make it my online diary i guess. Anyways, my name is..... Boba. Let’s just call me boba, since I love Boba so much lol.

Well, it is Monday 9/17/2018. I have moved from LA back to Hong Kong about 3 weeks ago, started working at a major bank about two weeks ago. I mean, it’s kinda nice to be back in Hong Kong with my grandparents, but my hear is still in LA. Mostly because of my boyfriend and, just the way of living. But it’s okay, I think I’ll go back to LA in the end of October (since I have about 8 days of vacation days that I gotta use up by the end of December...) I would honestly like to go back during Christmas time to celebrate it with my boyfriend (let’s just call him, Cheese) But most of my boss’ direct reports are taking that whole two weeks off... so I probably can’t do it haha. And I didn’t have to go to work today bc of the Typhoon! kinda fucked up the whole city. with trees falling and obstruction. smh. it was just a shit show!

Anyways, so I went home and spent my whole afternoon with Cheese and just, talking and Skyping with him. I don’t know. It’s just never a dull moment with him :) [by the way, he’s going to be mentioned a whole lot on this blog... so if you somehow stumbled across this blog, and are curious, I’ll link it in a bit] But yeah, we’ve been drinking over Skype this whole weekend. I drank with him on Saturday morning my time (which is Friday night LA time). we just kinda talked and drank, which was very very nice. And then he went out to k-town on saturday so we didn’t really drink. But he told me that he drove and he didnt want to drink with his friends because he wanted to go home and drink with me instead... hehehe what a cutie. So when he got home, ofc, we drank. And this cutie pie fell asleep while we were drinking haha. It was getting really late, so I told him to go to sleep. He kept telling me no because he wants to talk to me, but at one point, he just fell asleep mid sentence with his glasses on. He’s tooooo cuteeeeee >w< And we did the same thing again today. We talked for hours, and he fell asleep on Skype again. so cute.  

so, Cheese was chasing some alcohol with an energy drink, and being a caring girlfriend that I (would like to think) am, I asked him if it was a good idea to drink an energy drink at midnight on a Sunday, as he has to go work tomorrow... I asked him “What if you can’t sleep later?!” and he started cracking up and said “babe, I’ve been drinking Monster for the past two nights with you, and I knock out right away everytime” And he has been... so I was like “ lol oh yeah ok then” but he just kept laughing, i’m not sure why lol. He just kept laughing and laughing and at that moment it was just like. damn. I love seeing him smile and laugh. bc that makes ME really happy... And good thing I caught that on my snapchat... because I’ve been watching that this whole evening hehe.

Anyways, I’m just really happy that I am with him. He makes me truly happy and I feel like we are just perfect for each other. like. actually. Perfect. Though I am 7,000 miles away from him, and will be for the next two years... I am very excited for what our lives have in store for us.