#anyways ive turned off notifications from her for a week

[ineedtoshutthefup]

Tell me why my fucking mother has sent me an essay about how she feels bad that our relationship isn't good but also a bit of a guilt trip into getting me to meet her stupid fucking boyfriend

Like no I am will not be telling you what I hope for the future of our relationship because one I hope I can fuck off and not have one with you but two, and most importantly, why the fuck would you send me this right before I'm supposed to go to bed and while you know I'm fucking in the busiest year of my schooling

Like way to negate everything you've send cause you're clearly still missing the plot here and this is obviously you just releasing your own guilt

[flyingspicerack]

hey guys, this is very hard for me to talk about and bring up, but ive talked to a few people about it in priv already, and I think im ready to publicly talk about it...

When i joined the ososan fandom back in March, it was a bit... dead? And i was trying to grasp at straws, trying to find people to connect to, trying to make some friends, and came upon one person who I seemed to mesh with really well. She posted a lot about a big server she had full of people to talk about her content with and I was at first wary to join (i dont like big servers) but did so anyway. However, as I was wary, the two of us stayed in DMs for quite a while, in addition to me being in the big server as well. This person was equally reciprocating conversation with me, with equal excitement, with equal interest to the subject matter. I believe everything is going fine, them and I, i think, are becoming closer friends, she invited me to a smaller group run by someone else, things are good for a couple weeks. Im showing up and watching art streams, sure, im a little awkward, its a new group of people and I have adhd and am very neurodivergent (to which she claims she is as well) so i'm a bit... weird or whatever, but who isnt??

Then, I'm pulled aside, im pulled into a smaller group chat with this person and two 'mediators' to which this person proceeds to tear into me, telling me that i make her uncomfortable, that im being codependent with her (bitch the 'co' in 'codependency' implies ur reciprocating but claimed i was the only problem), i put her up on a pedestal, says our age gap is weird, etc. (I have screenshots of the whole 'confrontation' if ppl want to see it) and i was terrified... She never indicated prior to this that I was making her uncomfortable... I thought i was doing everything correctly, i thought i was being a friend, i thought we were equally excited to hang out with one another?

So, from this, because of this, this bitch fucking traumatized me. She had me believing, and still trying to unlearn, that i am annoying, that i am a nuisance, that im a bother to everyone that i come around, she destroyed my self esteem and destroyed how i try to make friendships because i am SO SCARED all the time now... that one of you is going to turn around and tell me that I put you on some kind of pedestal, that im being annoying and bothering you all too much, its why i disappeared the other day because i got scared i was posting too much, that i got scared that i was ... doing something wrong...

So... ok now that im in it, writing this, excuse my lack of composure for the rest of this post, i tried to hold it but now im getting angry

SO FUCKING MEANWHILE THIS BITCH, talking about codependency and age gaps in friendships, her two 'lackeys' apparently were her ONLY friends during like 4 years of her life (codependent hippocracy) AND she was into ososan from the beginning when she was like fucking 14, and one of her lakeys is OLDER than me at 29 AND WAS FRIENDS WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS 22 AND THIS BITCH WAS 14 SO you're gonna sit here and tell me that OUR age gap is weird when THAT SHIT is going on????????????????????? And fucking- PUTTING you on a fucking PEDESTAL?? when YOU are the one who is the OVERLORD of this fucking server you have with like 50+ peons, AND you have this nasty ass notification in the server to alert EVERYONE when someone leaves to which is kinda creepy and controlling??

Anyway i responded scared out of my mind and backed off... she didnt want to cut me out, just limit conversation and take me out of the smaller knit circle and we could still be friends, but obviously this freaked me out and i didnt talk to her much after that.... ANYWAY so this person THEN has the audacity to reach out to me a month or so later and is like 'hey... we haven't talked much and i think something might have happened between us? are we ok? you're really distant" and then i fucking laid into her cause i had the month to think on it...

If any of this behavior sounds familiar to you, its bc the person 'in charge' is known as Ava, or pinklemonfruit here on tumblr, and one of her lackeys? Lovenu, who im pretty sure a lot of you already know of... theres another one, her name is emmy, her username here i believe is lichenqueen and was the other 'mediator' i have been told by one source that they potentially could be lying about their age, but take this with a grain of salt bc i have no proof of this

I unfortunately dove right into this when i came into the fandom bc i didn't know any better, i didn't know that these people were bad and caused problems back in the day... but now im aware and i need everyone else who may interact with them to know that they are not good people and have hurt me personally. They have caused me trauma that I am trying really hard to get over but i fear its going to take a long time...

This is MY personal story and account of interactions with these people and I will continue to believe what I know from personal experience. If you come to me, trying to defend any of these people or try to make light of this situation, you will no longer be allowed to associate with me. This fucked me up, and I will not compromise on this, you will no longer feel safe to be around if you condone how these people treated me. If you do not believe my words, then fine, but i will no longer desire company from people who will condone this type of treatment that I had to endure and have been suffering through the aftereffects of.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my story and im sorry if it ended up too personal at all. But, I really hope those that read this will... understand my timid behavior? Why im ALWAYS saying sorry? Why im always so scared in group setting like aggies, why im always so apprehensive and timid and keep thinking people are lying to me about really liking having me around? Its because of this, this is truly and horribly messed up to do to someone... making them feel so low and horrible about their existence ...

if you have any questions, i am willing to answer them...

[causenessus]

hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it��s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

[xiuminscheeks]

New episode so im back :DD

-I may be in love with Mr lee. I cant help it he has the shiniest wettest puppydog eyes of all time and the energy of a melancholy widow skhsks i would do anything he asks of me 🥺 hes still fucking terrifying and all powerful tho dont get me wrong (complimentary)

-I was gonna make a joke about yul at the table thinking 'kids these days always on their phones smh' but then he went on the sweetest protective rant over ms han T.T 

Edit; aksjsj poor all suffering yul giving the talk TWICE in one day to both parties,,, still its v cute of him

-Mr jins smug smile making coffee and listening to ms han lying her ass off is murdering me... the tangerine grab.... the school shenanigans... oh they are SOOOOO unsubtle i just know theyre immediately going to get caught

Wait tHE PINKY HAND HOLDING they are so freaking adorable

Also the dramatics of the curtain scene 💀 this show is endlessly goofy i cant deal

-Yul with the spirit banishment antics....where did that come from sksjk... but !!! Were getting to see more glimpses of the past 👀👀

-SKSJJS the sister falling for woo taek, i fucking knew itttt was coming!! And good! Hes been such a supportive and caring friend, 10/10 i approve of this matchup u.u

-I love that theyre all daring and clingy at school but as soon as they get some time alone theyre theeee most awkward fuckers on this planet, 5ft apart cos theyre NOT daTing definitely not

-love how mr lee just has the housecode and barges straight in like hey :) ive decided im gonna hang out here now and theres nothing you can do about it :D theres never a moment of peace in this show its just back to back misfortunes of awkwardness xD but its worth suffering through the second hand stress for that closet scene <333 sleepy kisses. Actually theres tongue in there nvm wow (did they fuck in the closet. I. we may never know.)

-MR LEEEEE DONT BE SAAAD AND THEN ACT EVIL ABOUT IT OTL i could fix his loneliness. sorry this is turning into me being obsessed w him but i mean. His deeply sad and sinister demeanour has enchanted me. AND HES BACK TO SCARY HES GOT A WHOLE ASS SWORD. I kindly request you dont murder the main characters theyre sooo important to me and they only just got to be happy T.T

-Also next weeks preview is making me insaaaane i knew those bracelets were nothing good >:( but every glimpse of the past we get to see i get more excited!!!!!!

Anyway AAAA i might have to start another show off your list to tide me over cos i cant keep waiting for new episodes with nothing in between 😔

- 🌱

HEY! I just logged in on desktrop and saw this. hopefully its not been long since you have sent it. the app sometimes doesnt show me all the notifications.

love everything you said cause I feel pretty much the same. the show is so good at balancing the comedy and the drama, its crazy.

Yul was definitely the mvp of the episode, despite the steamy closet scene the leads shared. he is just too adorable/

as for mr. Lee, yes, you (and I too) could fix him. I'm still convinced that whatever happened in the past was just a misunderstanding, and that no one is evil, and I cant wait till the truth reveals.

let me know what other show from my list you start! also, let me suggest to more that I started and are SO GOOD OMG. The story of park's marriage contact and My Demon. trust me, you wont regret it

[lostacelonnie]

Whoops i lost track of this one my bad. Discord messaging is so much easier with the notification staying there. Anyways. Hell yeah getting to be not near people you do lnt vibe with is the best love that for you. Ah yeah gulls will just be an asshole about anything so at least they gave warning? Still dont like em though. Australian magpies are probably worse. Thanks! I adore german & it just. Having very specific words for things. So im excited to dig into that. Oh i didnt know that but honestly not surprised by it. Another piece of history from nazi germany to add to stuff i know. History was never my like. Favorite subject but i try to study it where i can. Its important. Mobile gave me bronya finally so its goin well & seele is coming back in 1.4 so maybe ill be able to get her & bronya both. Though i find it weird that we're heading back to belobog already? I havent even finished the next story part yet though. I havent used fire trailblazer much yet but will when i have more of her eidolons. Theyre both real fun rcg was short so i beat it quick still workin on dredge. Ill let you know how rain world goes for sure. Oh very nice. I finally did mine into purple & it looks really good im gonna keep up on it i think. Ive been breaking off from both to play other stuff but 4.1 fontaine is still fun to explore i love it. Cant wait for furina to drop. Oh shit history exam i hope that went well for you.i will say bronya is nice to have especially with kafka. Give her a turn boost to get her follow up action back works real nice. Damn that is. So much stuff but sounds so worth it. For all the merch & the choker who doesnt love a good choker

OH ITS OK IT APPEARS THAT SO HAVE I. AHHH. IM SORRY. schools been a Lot lately [7 tests this week......] and im going to alicante next week so its probably not gonna get easier for me to respond soon..... and oh yeah it totally is. i ❤ discord cos i can at least give ppl Signs Of Life instead of silence. anyways. THANK YOU!! ive been having a lot of fun with the new group lately its great. and yeah they really are ajdkfkjfj im Thankful for the warning yeah. and also that not even a single gull tried to steal my food. ooh tell me ab it i havent heard any australian magpie horror stories...... and yeah as i said. german is Such a nice language, i esp agree with the words bc theyre just. Great. love em. but yeah didnt have much luck in my previous years of learning it. and oh well the more you know!! honestly it was never MY favorite either bc, even tho ive always found it interesting, i just. could never remember anything. but honestly now that im on hist-geo its really growing on me ahdjfkkgj. probably also because i have a cool teacher. AND HEY CONGRATS ON THE BRONYA and good luck with getting seele!!! i have Not opened star rail even once recently [<- was only playing the game to get wolfie and kafka] so idrk whats been happening. have fun tho!! fire trailblazer IS good with her eidolons but tbh i just never had the energy to build her. and ah epic!!!!!! and yes please do keep me updated if you end up playing rain world!!!!!! its sooooo good its so good. AND AHHH NICE!!!! i want to do mine purple someday but i have a pretty dark natural hair color so id have to bleach it and i dont really Wanna Do That yet. and fair ahsjfkfk ive actually been playing genshin More recently, at least when i have time. which is not often. IM ALSO SO SO SO EXCITED FOR FURINA I HAVE LIKE 170 WISHES SAVED ALREADY................... anyway!!! it did actually!!!! but were doing pretty easy material rn so well see how it goes in the future ajdjhfjg....... it is what it is. and ah yeah that does sound like a pretty good team actually...... and yeah it def was!!!!! havent gotten a chance to wear the choker out yet [<- scared of old ladies on the bus] nut im Going To

[heartachebf]

[froths at the mouth and drops dead to the floor]

[spikesbimbo]

Drunk in Love

Summary:  Getting drunk and confessing your love for your “boy” friend and fucking him was most definitely not what you expected to go down on the usual night.

Pairing: Issei Matusukawa x Reader

Tags: Timeskip!Tattoed Mattsun, softdom!issei Hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, smut, fluff, virgin!reader, Unptrotected sex, non-penetrative sex, fingering, oral, pussy/thigh job, clit slapping, sweet dirty talk, praise, drunk sex

Word count: 7.2k

A/N: I heard pussy job and I wrote a whole ass novel

18+ Minors DNI

You run your finger over the condensation of your empty drink, drawing shapes (or what you thought to be shapes, you couldn’t tell at this point) waiting for your dear friend, Makki to bring you a refill of your cocktail.  

“Here ya go.” Makki said as he returned with your beloved Malibu Sunset. The smooth coconut rum bringing you back to your first and favorite drink that you ever got drunk on in high school. You smiling at the memory

“Thanks.” you say. Your reply being mumbled by the liquid already in your mouth.

This all started with Iwaizumi calling Mattsun up, you and Makki hearing “You wanna get wasted?” on the other side of the phone. And with pleasure, you two were already packing your stuff up, shoving yalls “pregame” bottles back in the bag. The three of you made your happy way there climbing through the fence of the abandoned skate park you were in. Needles to say it was abandoned for a reason, but what’s life without a little danger.

You three and the rest of the third years have been friends since high school, meeting in freshman year, and now including Oikawa’s girlfriend. You actually didn’t like Oikawa at first, his “pretty boy” demeanor making you internally cringe. But his personality grew quickly on you, being the perfect target to tease you and Iwa clowning him over everything.

Now back to you on your nth drink, complaining about your previous job that fired you because u got injured, even though you know you wouldn’t have lasted long there anyways because you weren’t that academically inclined. Bright? Whatever you wanted to call it.

And as-usual it wasn’t long before your crybaby ass immediately called Makki and Issei and “tried” your best to tell them what happed with your dramatic self-induced tears running down you race, while Makki urged to you to try to calm down and Issei straight up laughing at the state your were in, snot running out of your nose. You recoiling at the thought, hoping they forgot. (Spoiler, they didn’t)

But now you nanny for a rich couple and you get payed good to play with cute babies all day, sounds good to you! Luckily, you had the week off due to them going on a vacation, you think it was France, no, the south of France. Must be nice.

Cue to now, Mattsun chuckling and leaning on you and Iwaizumi; both of you, especially Iwa, being visibly done with his shit. Him reminding you about the times you bought him some random shit, which you went out of your way for since he always payed for you, like that chopper keychain because you said it reminder you of him.

He didn’t know what compelled you to say his 6’2, tattooed built self looked like a tiny reindeer but okay. It still meant a lot to him, hooking it onto his motorcycle keys. But you knew he appreciated it, despite his appearance he’s a softie.

“You wanna try this’” He says gaining his composure offering you one of the shots he got.

You took one of the mini glasses, not being the type to back down and promptly swung the drink to the back of your mouth, quickly coughing before it even reached your throat.

“This shit is fucking gross.” You coughed out bringing the glass down from your lips.

  “Imagine being sober. Can’t relate.” He said taking another shot.

  “I guess I should do that but ive passed the point of giving a fuck” You said sending yall into a giggling fit while somehow Makki was thrown in to support yall from falling over. You two carry on laughing ignoring everyone’s stares at you thinking about how much yall fit perfectly together.  

   Makki rearranges himself to sit back in his chair, far away, from the both of you, whispering “Damn. I’m really third wheeling.” under his breath. Getting a snicker out of Oikawa sitting next to him.

   “When your best friends are ignoring you. Sad times.” He continues bringing his bottle to his mouth getting no response.

  Issei chuckles and gets up shoving his hands in his pocket reaching for the cigarettes. Pulling them out while failing to find his lighter

  “Fuck.” He muttered

  “Any’all got a light?”

  No one responds so you sacrifice yourself “Yeah” you say reaching into your pocket grabbing out your prized possession of a hot pink, bedazzled lighter that you did yourself, reaching out to hand it to him.

  “Don’t lose it” you stated seriously trying not to break a smile.

  “K’ sweet cheeks.” He said smirking into the butt between his lips as he walked away. Your face now burning up, hoping that everyone would think it was because of the alcohol.

  You mind wanders, thinking about the “dates” you two go on, from watching shows you “forcing” him to watch some romantic anime, to going to the skatepark, to playing video games with the rest of the 3rd years (which you don’t really like but you’ll play for him) and him surprising you with takeout, you bringing out candles trying your best to make it cute with him telling u everything you everything about his day.

  And you always tried to remain calm, even though sometimes he deserved to get his ass beat, like that one time he broke one of your favorite pair of heels. It honestly hurt him even more, he wanted you to get mad at him but no, you just acted like nothing happened. Making the guilt rise in him. Let’s just say didn’t have to lift a finger for the next few weeks.

You basically babied him, taking care of all his “chores”, mainly making him food when you were at his place knowing he hated doing it. Makki teasing you for acting like his housewife, leading to you slapping the shit outta him while trying to cover your now red cheeks.

You’ve never been so grateful for your attire at the moment, blessing yourself for not wearing your usual outfits of short skirts and cute tops, defending yourself saying what housewife dresses in beat up vans and baggy clothes. You definitely not imaging yourself in that position for the rest of the day.

 You expressed that you just liked to take care of people, which was true. You always looked out for them, bringing an extra umbrella, to bringing cookies you made at 2 in the morning to school, always carrying band-aids (yes, the paw patrol ones you took from the kids you babysit).

You checked the time on your phone seeing it was late since the sun at last went down, your lock screen being your dogs to their complaint since they have a group photos of you all from high school as theirs. To which you replied “They’re my babies” getting a groan and huff out of them.

  Seeing the notifications of your group chat you grinned at the contact name you and Issei gave each other; yall jokingly call each other pet names, his contact being honeybun and yours being pumpkin, even including Makki in your contacts as pudding bc then it wasn’t weird, right? no.

  “What’re you smiling at y/n?” Oikawa cheekily asks teasing you. You turn to him giving him a dirty look, not having enough energy to deal him right now.

  “Don’t listen to his bullshit.” Oikawa’s girlfriend says. You’re thankful for her. She was always on your side, being the only other girl in your friend group. To be honest you just wanted her and you to hang out most of the time, but of course to your disapproval her boyfriend and his friends had to join in.

  “Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m sleeping.” You say getting up to her objection, the only thing on your mind wanting to retire for the night.

  “You sure you’ll be fine? Let us at least walk you home.” She said already grabbing her boyfriend’s arm.

  “Nah, im good. I live right down the road.” You try to say not slurring. The last thing you want is him teasing you even more, especially in this state, knowing you, you’d probably start crying at the slightest irritation when youre this drunk.

    You started to “walk” towards your house resting  your hand against the brick walls to not lose your balance, leading you to run into Issei. You stopped to watch him lean against the alley holding a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

  “I’m hiding like a bitch” He says noticing you, resting his weight against the wall.

 “Wanna be a bitch with me? He grinned  blowing out the smoke out with his words.

You didn’t reply, just walking over to him, just being around him made you feel warm.

"Fuck its windy.” He says trying to light a new cig.

“C’you make me a house?” He asks.

You go up and put your hands around his cigarette, this not being your first time. Your hands wrap a little tighter to prevent the wind from burning out his flame. He joins you with his free hand helping, finally getting his cig to light.

 “Thanks doll” He smirks.

“No problem princess.” You reply earning a laugh out of him.

He takes his first hit with his and your hands still wrapped around it. He gets an up-close look at your hands, noticing how tiny they were, seeing all the scars that he never noticed, making a mental note to ask you how you got them later.

His head gets close to yours for the first time in a while due to his height. You glance at his face, noticing his features seeing some stubble growing on his face.

“You ain’t shave?” You ask, never seeing it in the past, while he was moving back up, blowing the smoke away from you.

“What, you don’t like my majestic beard? “He jokes. Making you giggle almost losing your balance before catching yourself on the wall.

  “s’too much work.” He starts. “You wanna shave it for me?” he says slightly leaning towards you. Handing you back your lighter knowing you didn’t need him to carry it because your pants actually had pockets in them for once.

You let out a soft laugh not responding again. He catches on, you got quiet when you were tired and he made out that you were walking towards your house.

“You going home?” he asks already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” You respond more than happy to have him walk you back, him already moving to walk next to you.

He walks you home, you two talking about random shit, both of you forgetting about your skateboards leaving Makki to deal with them. And even though you’re drunk as fuck you’re still in the right state of mind, carrying a normal conversation with him. But just because you’ve built a tolerance doesn’t mean you can do basic tasks, like walk correctly.

When he reaches your house, he types in the keycode, your first dogs birthday, being glad that you, him and Makki have each other’s memorized.

He leads you into you house setting you on the couch, petting your dogs that ran up to him.

“Mommy’s not feeling too good” He said giving them the affection they deserved.

“Yes I am.” You slurred getting them attention on you now.

He walked over to your counter putting on the playlist that you two made together on shuffle, High fashion being the first to play. You didn’t like when it was quiet because too many thoughts would run though your head. You were in no way sad, singing the lyrics while you were laughing barely being able to hold yourself up as proof.

Remembering you were tired, he takes you off the couch and borderline carries you to your room, , setting you on your plush blankets that you had so many of because it was warm and comfy.

 “Easy, there. Try to sit up.”He said, trying to ask you what draws your pj’s were in because he didn’t want to snoop around; neither of you being bothered that you were half naked, what’s the difference between panties and a bikini, he thought remembering the times you’ve been to the beach together.  

Well it was maybe the fact that you were clinging onto him because u stumbled into him and he was closest stable thing around and you wouldn’t let go because it was cold and you couldn’t stop shaking.

 He ignores his thoughts and grabs the shirt he got out figuring you don’t need to change your bra because you told him and Makki that it was normal to keep it on for a few days after they were in awe as you were explaining how expensive they were. You calling Oikawa’s girlfriend to prove your point as she immediately agreed with you…Sometimes you might have got a little too comfortable with them.

You hear the song in the background change to Love Songs, you humming along, “Hope you smile when you listen.”

You were still holding on to him, your boobs squeezing against him, him only being able to put a t-shirt on you, while you looked up at him with your red glossy eyes making him burn up.  

You fidget timidly with your face now in his chest while gripping his sweater. Trying to build up the little courage you had. He tilts your head up making you look at him, wondering what you were thinking about.

  You try to express yourself, but you can’t get the words out him having no idea what is going on in your head at the moment.

“It’s okay to be nervous sometimes. Tell me” He gently says reading your body language. He was intuitive, so there was no way you could hide your feelings from him.

But you knew you could trust him, him having full self-control, always staying collected and following through on what he said he’d do.  He went out of his way to avoid any friction coming between you two, him never raising his voice or starting an argument.

“We need to talk.” You started. “About something important.”

“Ok…What is it?” He questioned rubbing his hands on your back. You were so nervous, were you really about to say this? Confess your feelings that you’ve pushed to the back of your heart for so long?

“I… I l… I love your face. And the stuff in it. and around it.” You spoke, being surprised you did it stutter.

He stood there, hands stopped moving trying to process what you just said.

“Just you, in general…”  You finally confess trying to state three things at once barely getting your words out.

But he understood exactly what you meant, or maybe he was warping what you said to fit what he wanted.

  "I don’t even know when I started liking you, but this shit won't go away." You restated

  Nope. He clearly just heard you say that.

  He doesn’t understand what’s so different about today. Yall have been in this scenario multiple times taking care of each other, sometimes including another into the mix.  

You didn’t understand either. You just felt like the time was right, even though you know it wasn’t the best idea to confess while you were drunk off your ass.

But you couldn’t help it, your feelings overflowing, which you never until this day let get the best of you, being vulnerable and trusting is not your usual . Youve never even had a crush on anyone, him being to only in your whole life to make you blush.

  Who you been vibin' wit and why I can't make you mine?

  You should have seen the signs that you feel for him when he helped that lady that lives down the street from him set up her Christmas lights or when he first met your dog that wasn’t fond of men, but it instantly liked him. And you loved his selflessness it was something you admired and applauded.

  “y/n” He tries talking you down, making sure you weren’t just saying this because of alcohol, deep down knowing he felt the same, you always being in the back of his mind.

You were generous with your time too, always being there for him. You knew he was softer than he appeared, he was tender, sensitive and vulnerable. He tried his hardest to not get into situations where anyone would get hurt, like breakups, arguments, and so on.

Which is why he won’t make the first move. He pushes his feelings to the back of his head. He values your friendship more than anything, but he can see what develops. If love is meant to be, it will happen.

I told you I am down for the worse or the better. But I keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters

    “You make me so happy. And I’ll always care about you. Okay? He says breaking the silence, trying to reassure you.  

  “You mean so much to me—something I can’t even put into words because nothing can compare- I’ve wanted you since that day you tripped and bust your ass in the school hallway I still want you even though you drive me insane.”

  “Iss-“ You tried to get out only to have him continue talking over you.

  "I love that you can’t leave the house without a jacket. I love the wrinkles that appear on your forehead after you call me crazy. I love that it takes you hours to get ready. I love that you always know how to make me feel better. I love that even when you don’t agree with my decisions you always trust me to make them.  I love that when I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes; and I love that you are the last person I think of  before I go to sleep at night."

  You stood there awestruck for what feels like eternity until you mustered the bravery to speak “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way-” You said, being dumbfounded because from what you’ve seen treats everyone “nice”, were you really getting special treatment?

  He tilts your chin up, locking his dark eyes with yours. “Baby I don’t know if your notice but you and Makki are my only people that aren’t my family that call me my first name.”

He has a point. You think pushing yourself more into him, trying to fuse your bodies together to hide, not relaxing what you were doing to him. He tries to nudge your legs to the side but you won’t let go still clinging onto him.

“fuck” He groans. You pulling back wondering why until you looked down and noticed. A smirk appeared on your face as you reattached your self to him like velcro. You were feeling bold, the liquid courage still in your system driving you to slide your fingers down his chest, looking him in the eyes before stopping at his waistband.  

He knows what you’re doing, him being in this position multiple times. Does he really want to ruin your friendship like this? He hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. He tries to push you off him already knowing you were gonna complain. But what he didn’t expect was for you to whimper out his name in that pretty voice of yours.

 He tried to keep his calm, blood already rushing down. “You know what you’re doing”

“yeah” You start.

“y’don’t want me?” Giving him your pouty face that you know he’s weak for, hoping that’ll work, insecurity piling up. Was it because your boobs weren’t that big or that fact that you were dressed like man? Was he not attracted to you right now, only liking you when you were dolled up?

“Fuck” You think. You should have worn something cute instead of dressing like a whole ass man even with your makeup fully done. Its not like you were supposed to know you were gonna get fucked today.

His were burning holes into you now, thinking of how to say “No, I would be more that happy to fuck you!” to his best friend, soon regaining his consciousness finally speaking.

“Fuck no doll, ive wanted you for a minute. You know me better than I know myself. How did you not notice my feelings?”

 You got me singing love songs, love songs, love songs

“You’re really hard to read” You replied trying to maintain your seductive act, resting your hands back on his chest.

“So are you.” He said lowering his head, you still looking up at him, taking in your gleaming eyes.

Sex ain't the only thing that's on my mind But you get me so excited, whoa

Your heart was beating so wildly that you could only take little sips of breath. His hands running down your waist stopping at your hips.

“Can I kiss you?" He asks "...yeah” you attempted to say as confidently as you could, nodding your head along with it.

His face bent down, hot mouth breathing over you. His lips slowly moved, brushing over yours, the liquor on his lips that you hated; only choosing fruity drinks even though you got relentlessly teased you for it.  You pushed further into the kiss desperately wanting more. Your teeth clicking his from being impatient, wanting to suck him in. Your hands sliding under his shirt subconscious desires reaching out.

Irreplaceable Tattoos from your neck that drop down to your ankles

“You’re drunk…” he says snapping you out of your trance.

“So are you.”

He dove in for another kiss much more passionate than the previous one, arguably needy, pusing you on the bed to which you more than happily comply. He tugs back not letting his mind get the best of him, disconnecting your spit trial leaving you panting. “You sure this alright?” He says deep down hoping you still say yes.

  You pull him back for your answer, your grabby little hands working their way back up his shirt. He gets the hint and pauses your lips rendezvous, taking off the turtleneck that he looked oh so good in, before seeing his unclothed body.  You’re admiring his body in a new way, before just complimenting him whenever he got a new tattoo, now up under him tracing them like a lovestruck teenager.

“When did you get this one?” You quietly ask, his ears closer to you than they’ve ever been.

“I got it that day you faked sick”

“What! You said were gonna take me!” You sulked, turning your head away from his as much as you could, crossing your arms.

He let out a slight laugh before gently taking your face in his hands, guiding you back into the kiss.

This is not really what he imagined for your first time. He’s an old-fashioned romantic who likes to take one step at a time. But then again nothing was ever normal with you. That said, when he falls in love, he falls deep.

“You’ve done this before?” You uttered.

“Hmm?” He mumbles, unmoving his lips from you kissing you, moving towards your neck.

“You still with that other girl?”

“No. I broke it off her, everything that came out of her mouth was bullshit, and no she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t trust her? You added. Trying to distract him until you could think of a way you could say “hey in my 21 years of life I’ve never got passed kissing a guy.”

“Our relationship was purely built on lies, I’d second guess everything she said. He replied, wondering if you were interrogating him.

“Why’d you wanna know?” He asked bringing his face up from your skin.

“…No one’s ever touched me like this, fuck.” You bashfully admitted, thoughts racing through your head that he didn’t want you anymore because you weren’t experienced.

But he knew what was running through that pretty head of yours, his fingers reaching out to with your hair trying to comfort you.

“You’re a virgin?” He curiously asked dragging his hand to your cheek, you leaning into it.

“y-yeah” you muttered trying to move your eyes away from his looking down at his body.

“I thought you had a boyfriend before” he said, softly turning your jaw to make you look at him. Your eyes diverted from his arms back to his eyes.

“We weren’t actually dating” You quickly say trying to clear up the misunderstanding. “He was my friend and seatmate that pretended to be my fake boyfriend to get me out of some trouble” you spewed out “and I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was fake.”

“Even if we were that doesn’t mean we fucked.” You sheepishly replied.

“So… what trouble did your fake boyfriend get you out of.” He questioned knowing how much trouble it must have been for you, miss independent, to go to such lengths.

“Umm, well…this guy wouldn’t stop flirting with me even after I told him I don’t like him, even following me to my other classes.”

He wasn’t surprised, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes, in fact the prettiest thing he’s laid his eyes on, your beaming eyes, your dimple when you smiled, your pretty face, your “ugly” laugh, he could go on for days.

“Why are we talking about this” You whined, reaching your hand back out to him.

He took a hint and continued kissing you, bringing you closer to him while you attempted to take you shirt off. His hands helping you seeing as that you were struggling, being lost in his touch, finishing by moving you up more on you bed, pushing your plushies out of the way, to your protested because “they had feelings too.”

He ignored you, bending down to pull your panties off stopping once he saw the slick coming through them.

“Fuck baby you’re wet” He breathed dragging his fingers across your clothed slit earing a whimper from you, leaving his fingers drenched.

 Shawty, you wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too Don't I make you feel good?

“M’always wet.” you responded.

From what? He questions taking off your soaked cotton panties, tossing them to the side.

“From me?” He smirks bringing his hand back towards your heat. You not even comprehending what he just said, just knowing that you’re ashamed of how worked up you were getting.

You were in awe. You’ve always known his hands were big, but in this situation your mind wondered. His fingers were so much bigger than yours knowing you can barely fit two inside your with out it hurting, and not in a good way.

“Do you know how pretty you are? It’s honestly distracting.”. He says kissing down your whole body, stopping at your breasts, licking lazily around and coming back to the nub. The attention on your nipples making you squirm and he finally lets go, you grateful that he stopped or you would have almost cum, how embarrassing.

“I thought you said were gonna get them pierced” He remembered, you going on a whole rant about how cute they were.

“You said u were gnna get em with me” You looked back on, reminding yourself making him promise to get them with you because you were too scared of the pain.

“That was the same day you played sick and I got that tattoo.” He stated lightening the mood, hoping you can calm yourself down before you actually embarrass yourself.

He picks back up and continues kissing all the way down your body, you playing with his hair while biting your lip to muffle your moans and whine until he reaches your entrance.

He parted your legs, your pussy laid out before him, believing you no have reason to be shy about it either. He paused, admiring your swollen cunt and puffy clit, you were beautiful.

The feeling that he didn't want anyone else ever in his position overtook him. He let out a little breath on your clit and you thrashed around. He wasn't going to play. “I’ll take care of you.”

His lips travel over your skin, light and heated before settling himself between your legs, grabbing you by your thighs and dragging you closer. “That tickles.” you giggle, nerves making you kick your legs, almost hitting him in the face before he grabs them. He puts them down locking your legs with his arms, lowering himself until he’s on the ground facing you.

“Does it make you nervous when I stare?” he teases while your covering your face trying to hide the blush he caused.  He puts his mouth on you, quickly gripping your thighs, his hands leaving imprints in your skin dragging you even more into him, deprived kisses taking over your body. 

“yer so pretty” You purred seeing the sight of his big build between your legs, your fingers grabbing onto his curly dark locks, tugging them.

  Issei moans, his voice radiating through your body, forcing out a cry, blessing him with your pretty voice. “I-Issei!” You cry, never feeling like this before, your vibrator and hands doing it no justice.

“Shh, just look at me, doll.”

You can barely make out what he says, so drunk on pleasure. You try your best, doing anything to see the pretty man beneath you. But you get interrupted by your pleasure, your back arching not being able to control your body, grinding down to meet his lips, heat rising in you.

He kisses through your wetness playing with your bud. You choking on your spit, back arching again your body tensing up. “Issei,” You beg, grabbing him knowing what you want but not being able to express it. Luckily he can read you like an open book, knowing what you want, driving you over the edge as he makes you see stars. “Good girl,” he sighs when he feels you let go of his wrist letting him bring you your first orgasm.

“Look at your thighs shaking so much.” He teasingly cooed, wrapping his hands around them, bringing you out of your daze.

Shawty, your body is so exciting

Arching your back into the blankets, letting out a whine “Want your fingers.”.

He lets out a condescending laugh. “You need to learn to be patient. You just came and you’re already so eager for more?”

But by the time he finished your body went limp, you were totally weak, body loose-limbed and pliant. Your mind clouded by lust and deep in your own world. You gasped out a little sob, unable to comprehend anything beyond the discomfort and the need to have it gone. You can’t think straight all you can do is take action, grabbing his arm him easing his fingers into to you.

It’s not too tight, is it?” you ask clenching around his fingers.

 “Just relax… let yourself feel it” He says barely being able to move in you. Fuck so were so tight.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside you.” He added starting to thrust them inside you, making you let out a string of moans.

“Look how good you take it.”  

“Fuck, you’re so messy.” He groaned feeling the slick running down his hands, before taking them out.

“Issei-i,” You cried when he pulled away, pleasure leaving you, tears coming back.

  He shushes you easily, his fingers wiping your tears. You were so precious to him, your moans music to his ears.  He slows down repositioning his fingers, making you let out a whimper squeezing around them. Your brains so crowded you can’t focus, can’t gather the strength to speak when he thrust them faster inside you.

  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you fell back, fingers curling inside you, chanting his name over and over, incoherent words coming out of your mouth begging for more. 

You pussy tightens as you cum, unable to breath, letting out gasps and whines. Him still fucking you, fingers not stopping, pushing them in and out relentlessly feeling both pain and pleasure. You lay there, wet in your own cum not giving yourself a break before you went and got what you really wanted, his cock.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as they pushed down his boxers, revealing the length of his cock, that jutted proudly from his hips. He was so pretty, so virile and handsome. Wondering how lucky you were to be in such a position with him.

You pushed away those thoughts and focused on him, pulling him forward gently, but he followed his encouragement. One of his hands tilted his cock down toward your lips. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

You parted them instantly, tongue sliding slightly outward, and then you whimpered as the warm weight of his cock slid into your mouth. You let your eyes flutter closed and swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock not knowing exactly what you were doing, but it was working, tasting the salty tang of the precum that wept from his leaking slit. You moved your tongue as the he put his hand into your hair, gripping the strands and pushing deeper into his mouth.

“You look so good on your knees like that. “He says meeting your eyes once again, almost cumming from the picture below him.

“Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He says slowing you down by grabbing your hair, making a pace that you follow.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.” Seeing that sinful look in your eyes with your redden swollen lips.

You moan feeling yourself drip down your thighs, getting even wetter giving him head. Trying to ease the discomfort by closing your legs, griding them together, trying to find some friction. Your ears hearing “That’s so fucking hot.” watching the scene unfold beneath him.

Your jaw hurts, trying got make him cum faster using your hands and lips together hollowing your cheeks. “Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" he groans out, his voice sounded beautiful to your ears, knowing he was about to cum.

He finally lets go cumming in your mouth, you swallowing it all, trying not to wince at the taste. “Did I do good” You ask waiting for his reply. Your doll eyes, so red and worn out looking up at him for approval. Fuck he was whipped.

“Yeah…fuck baby”

I love when you get on top and you ride it

You get back under him, his cock resting on you, drenched and clenching around nothing, resting in your cum. You working yourself up against him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” He says to your complaint.

“You’re not ready yet.” he mumbles against your whining. Spreading your legs, slapping your clit a few times before letting his cock rest on your folds. Finally getting “seated” he picks up your legs and puts them both on one of his shoulders your thighs warming his cock, your knees touching his cheek not moving, getting a kick out of how desperate your were for him.

“s-stop being mean” You cried reaching out for him to come closer, needing affection after all you’ve been though.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you? He says leaning into you, reaching your kiss, tasting the remnants of the cum in your mouth.

He plundered your mouth and slowly teased his cock over your entrance, catching it against your clit and making you whimper into the kiss, clearly wanting to be fucked. Your kiss turned you sucking on Issei’s tongue and lips, biting the swollen pout until his lips were red and puffy. He pulled back and looked down at you, a beautiful mess under him.

His fat cock head pushed between your folds. The moan escaping both of your lips was primal. You were turned on beyond imagination and the way he was thrusting forward, spreading his leaking precum on your wet clit was almost too much. He quickly picked up his pace fucking your folds, his warm head brushing against your clit with every movement, but your greedy self wanted more.

The fact that he made you cum so easily made you proud. Just because you’ve never gone this far with someone else doesn’t mean you’ve never cum, you’ve had a lot of practice over the years, being insatiable, the sheets soaked underneath you from your previous orgasms being proof.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” He moans getting your attention him.

You tried, you really tried, but the way he was stroking you, imagining what it’d be like to actually sit on his cock, the lewd sounds echoing in the background leaving you unable to focus.

He taps on your cheek eventually getting you look at him, keeping your mind on him by placing his fingers in your mouth you letting him, hazily sucking on them, not being able to close your mouth.

“Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.” He grumbles. Your spit dripping onto his fingers, the friction of your thighs making him feral, moving at an even faster pace. Your body bouncing with every thrust.

“You gonna cum after I cum on your little clit? Come one more time for me, I know you’ve got it in you.” You sob feeling the puddle beneath you, time slowing, fire pooling in your tummy.  Listening to his words you let yourself go. You come with a silent scream as the pleasure ripped through your body, your nails scratching his soft skin. Your vison fading to black feeling him lose his rhythm and moaning a mixture of curse words along with your name, feeling him cum on your tummy before resting his head in your neck while letting your legs go.

“So good for me, look at how much you came.” He says breaking the static. You whining into his shoulder, emotions high, never doing this before.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m right here, just breathe.” He says. You two laying in silence for an unclear amount of time, him rubbing your back while you rest in his chest almost dozing off.

“Are we still…friends?” You croak out trying to hold back your sobs already knowing the answer that you two were defiantly not friends now and never would be just friends again.

“Friends don’t do this type of shit” He maintained grabbing your shoulders to sit you and him up. You were worried, did he only do this with you because he was drunk? You were anxious that you scared him away because you just poured your heart out to him and pushed yourself on him. You left your head down, tears already coming out to your dismay. You moved your hand up to wipe them but he beat you to it.

“Look at me… I love you.” He says holding your cheeks in his palm. You in awe, hoping that you weren’t imagining it, that this was real life.

“R-really” You question making him worry too, preferring to forgive and forget rather than letting this a divide between the two of you in case you went back on your feelings. You were so overwhelmed, never feeling love until this moment, so happy that the person you longed for liked you back. Yours tears running once again.

 “Shh, shh, it’s alright...Don’t cry.”

You don’t even know why you were crying, the hangover already getting to you making you get a headache. You groaning in his arms complaining that your head and throat hurt.

“Ill be back” he says detaching himself from you, letting you know he was coming right back.

He walks to your fridge opening it to see every drink but water, having too dig through all of them, especially the absurd amount of apple juice guessing it was your “once a year craving for it”. He finally got you some cold water, putting It in a cup and waked back to your room.

  “Issei” you whined not picking your head up from the pillow.

  “Shh baby im right here.”

  He sat down beside you on your bed lifting your head up. “Here drink this” he reassured, to which you ignored not wanting anything to go in your mouth, just wanting the day, or night as it was now, to end.

  “It’s just water, honey, look.” You sat yourself up with his help seeing him in just his boxers, you remembering your still naked, not caring enough to cover yourself. He held to glass to your mouth, babying you, tilting it far back enough to where you could drink it. The water hit the back of your mouth feeling like a shot making you cough.

“I know, it hurts. I’m sorry but we have to” He stated. You continued to drink it, feeling the stinging in the back of your throat, him comforting you, calling you “good girl” which was unsurprisingly working.

  He put the cup on your dresser when you finished, climbing back into bed with you leaning your body into his. “Have you ever thought about...us? Y’know, as an...item?” he said causing you to look at him with wide eyes.

 “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.” He insisted making you cheeks flush. You try to think of a way to respond, not wanting to keep him waiting.

“You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. Not only am I deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.” You stammer out, your shaky hands somehow made there way to his neck, letting them fall slowly before he grabs them dragging you in for a kiss before you got to even see his face.

“Everybody has always thought we’re a couple.” He continued taking his time kissing you all over your face. “Then I guess we should be.” You retort, kissing him back before you could see his reaction, not wanted to be embarrassed anymore today. But he caught you, holding you still “Really “y/n? Like deadass?” He asked.

  “Yes dummy, I want to be your girlfriend” You say causing him to grin swearing you’ve never seen him smile that big, before he gives you one last kiss.

  “I always kiss you on the cheek, why are you blushing now? He teases laying back down, you following along. You just snuggle into him mumbling something along the lines of “m’tired”, he understanding and speaking to you in a soft, gentle voice while helping you to bed, so he doesn’t make it harder for you to sleep by being loud. “I’m here love, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers into your ear mkanig your heart swoon one last time before you pass out.

  “I l-love you issei.” You sleepily mumble.

“Tell me this when you’re sober.” He says stroking your head.

“Just relax, close your eyes...”He murmurs, your heart beating slower every second. Both of you together, lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns.

  “Oh!…” He remembers. “If you really wanna get them pierced, we could get matching ones.”

© all content belongs to spikesbimbo. do not alter or repost .

[naminethewriter]

Entertaining the Sick

Dukeceit Week is back again 🥳 And I’m totally prepared this time 😎 This story is based on the incorrect quote form the taking requests video Thomas posted last year. It was just too perfect an opportunity to resist. Hope you enjoy 💛💚

@dukeceitweek

Here on Ao3

Masterpost | Dukeceit Week 2022 Masterpost

Summary: Remus had his appendix removed and now he and Janus waited for the doctor. Remus gets bored and coxes Janus into playing a game with him.

“I love sleepovers.”

 Janus looked up from the book he’d been reading while they waited for the doctor. Remus just had his appendix removed and the narcotics had worn off enough that he was lucid. Well, mostly.

 “This isn’t a sleepover; you are in a hospital, darling,” he informed his husband, who didn’t look convinced.

“Then why do I have this nightgown?”

 “That’s a hospital gown.”

 “Truth or dare.” It seemed Remus wasn’t willing to listen to reason and instead just decided this was a sleepover anyway. Not that Janus minded, as long as he stayed in bed. So he put his book away and gave his husband his full attention.

 “Dare.” Remus grinned, delighted.

“Let’s see…”

 “Before you say much more, a few rules, darling.”

 “I hate rules.”

 “I know but this is important considering your circumstances. Rule 1: I won’t go anywhere where I can’t see this room in case the doctor comes. 2: You are not allowed to get up. 3: Nothing that will get me banned from the hospital. Okay?”

 “Ugh, fine, you party pooper.”

 “Thank you, darling.”

 “Then, as your first dare, you have to try and get the phone number of the next nurse that comes in here.”

 “Very well. Until then, truth or dare?”

 “Truth!”

 “Did you burn a hole into my spare gloves?”

 “It was an accident!”

 “I figured as much. You owe me a new pair.”

 “Sure. Continuing, truth or dare?”

 “Dare.”

 “Text Roman that I’m in critical condition.”

 “Sorry to disappoint, but he already knows you got through your surgery without complication.”

 “Damn it… Then text him I’ll need to stay here longer than we thought and don’t clarify if he asks for details.”

 “That I can do.” He was about to hit send and show Remus when a nurse entered the room. She was around their age and smiled kindly in a way that reminded them of Patton. Janus glanced at her hand and didn’t see a wedding ring. He could work with that.

 “Sorry to disturb you. I’ll just have a quick look at your vitals. The doctor will be here soon, but things are a bit hectic at the moment,” she explained, coming over to the bed and checking the IV drip. Remus and Janus let her work in peace and as she excused herself, Janus hurried after her, winking at his husband as he closed the door behind him.

 Around two minutes later he came back, flashing a piece of paper with a phone number on it.

 “Damn, Janny. You’re too good at this.”

 “Thank you very much. Now let me just send this text to Roman and then it’s your turn again.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 They continued playing for a while. The doctor came by around thirty minutes after the nurse did and she couldn’t find anything odd, so she assured them that Remus would be able to leave the day after tomorrow at the latest. The game didn’t end there however, and soon visiting hours were almost over.

 “One last round, darling. Truth or dare?”

 “Dare.”

 “Text your brother and tell him you made me send that message. He’s blowing up my notifications.”

 “Yeah, okay. I tortured him enough.” Remus pulled out his phone and did as he was told. Immediately after he got a reply that was just the middle finger emoji. Then a second one that said that Roman wouldn’t talk to him anymore. Which was an empty threat, Remus knew, but it still hurt a little bit.

 It must’ve shown on his face because Janus reached over and grabbed his hand.

 “Everything alright?”

 “He’s pretty pissed.” He showed Janus the message and his husband hummed.

 “That was to be expected. He was pretty worried about you.”

 “Yeah…”

 “Leave him alone for tonight and apologize tomorrow. He’ll have cooled off by then.” Remus sighed.

 “What would I do without you, Janny?”

 “Live in a dumpster, I presume.”

 “Oh, that sounds rad.”

 “I’m sure it does. I do need to go now, darling, before they’ll kick me out.”

 “Let me ask one more time?” Janus had already stood up but seeing his pouting husband always made him weak. He sat back down.

 “Alright. One last one.” Remus cheered.

 “Truth or dare?”

 “Truth.”

 “Oh wow, that’s a first.”

 “It’s quicker,” Janus shrugged. Remus hummed in acknowledgement but remained silent otherwise, thinking of a question.

 “What… what did you do to get that nurse’s phone number?”

 The message from his brother must’ve hit Remus worse than Janus had thought, considering how small he sounded just then. He had a habit of getting insecure whenever Janus flirted too heavily with others which had let to some strenuous moments during their relationship since it was something Janus did almost unconsciously sometimes. Talking himself out of bad situations had been a stable of his childhood and recognizing just how much it hurt his then boyfriend took some time. But they had worked through it and most of the time Remus could handle it but tonight was different, apparently.

 Janus squeezed his husband's hand and gave him a soft smile.

 “I simply told her the truth. That you dared me to get her number and that I would appreciate it if she could write one down for me. I don’t think it’s a real one.”

 “Oh,” Remus said, also smiling softly now. “Thank you.”

 “No problem, dear. Now get some rest. I would love to take you back home with me tomorrow.”

 “Yeah, I’d like that, too.” He yawned. “Night, Janny. I love you.”

 “I love you, too, darling.”

[melancholyblues0]

𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊

𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒 : 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒

brian may x reader series

warnings : swearing, that’s it rlly tbhh

a/n : so i was planning on posting last week but i got completely caught up in my new job lol so im only just posting now !! so sorry about the wait. ive already started the next chapter, and i was planning on spice but we’re going for a plot twist instead 🤨 the smut is definitely coming i promisee, im tryna build up the courage bc smut isnt my strong suit but im practising (that sounded a bit odd but you get what i meann). so. voilá :)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

y/n groaned, rubbing her head as she sat up in bed. her pager lit up beside her, grabbing her attention. she scrambled over to read the notification she'd been sent - from brian. she immedietly smiled as she swiped the hair from her eyes, as she reached for her phone to ring him.

"y/n ! hi - i need to ask you a favour. anita is going away for the weekend with the women, and i'm supposed to be at the studio with the guys. it would be absolutely amazing if you would be able to babysit the girls tonight for me ? jimmy is completely unreliable and i can't leave them by themselves."

you'd completely forgotten about the 'women's trip". you'd managed to uninvite yourself, claiming you had homework due in. this would be the perfect opportunity to spend some more time with brian. granted, he would be out tonight, but you had all of saturday, and if you were lucky, at least until sunday evening with him. you quickly checked the time - it was almost eleven am, meaning the ladies had most definitely already left for the holiday home down south.

"hey, of course i'm free tonight. you're lucky i'd spun a lie to get out of that godforesaken trip." you laughed, hearing him chuckle also down the line. "i must be a very lucky man. the girls are already at school, and i'm at the studio just now. i've left a key in the flower basket near the door, just let yourself in at any time. i should have enough time to pick them up later, but i won't be able to stop for long. they really want this bloody album finished soon." he sighed. y/n chuckled, before letting him know she'd head over soon. "will you be back tonight ?" you asked, hoping he would. "yes, definitely late. you're more than welcome to crash at mine. i know you're only over the road, but i worry about the girls." he replied scratching his forehead as he leant against the doorway. you smiled; it was nice to see that he genuinely cared for his daughters' safety, unlike your father. "of course. just let me know when you're way and such." you replied, beginning to get out of bed. you both said your goodbyes, and hung up.

- - -

after slipping on a pair of shorts and a jumper far too large for you, you packed a small overnight bag and wrote a note for xavier, telling him where everything was. knowing your father, he wasn't exactly reliable, and whether he would actually come home was a mystery. you and xavier had bets on who he was cheating on your mother with - his secretary, or florence. you personally were betting on florence. you'd seen the looks they gave each other at gatherings, and how the so often ended up being absent at the same time. you didn't really care, but you also didn't blame him if he was. your mother was an absolute nightmare, and an absolute bitch to everyone (to put it lightly). you walked over to brian's place, and opened the door after finding the key amongst the dirt, and stepped inside. it was almost exactly the same as yours, but seemed bigger almost. it could've been the open planned ground floor, though. you set your bag next to the sofa, and sat down, and making yourself comfortable. you glanced over at the array of women's magazines sprawled on the coffee table - obviously anita's doing. there was something about her entitlement that annoyed you. the little side glances and once overs she'd give you when you went within a five mile radius of her husband. that day at the country club seemed like almost a trick, a game. after he'd defended you from mark. he wouldn't have done the same for her; not for the past five years anyway. they'd drifted long before you'd been in the picture, if you were even in the picture in the first place. to most, you were just the innocent but rebellious neighbour, simply doing a favour for brian. but to anita, you were a home wrecking, conniving little bitch who needed putting in her place. you were just a naive little girl to her, trying to take something that wasn't yours, not even to look at. you'd gotten bored quite quickly thinking about anita, and what she so clearly thought of you. you got up to look around the house; the kitchen, the girls' rooms, the toilets, and brian's room. you smiled as you saw a small section of the wall covered in polaroids. you looked closer, and realised it was every city he'd visited while on tour, all the way back to their first ever tour. you smiled - he looked so happy, and so young. he wouldn't have been much older than you in some of the pictures from the early 70's.

you left the room quickly, not wanting to seem weird if he turned up with the girls and found you looking around his bedroom. it was almost four, and realised that the girls would be back any minute. you heard the door open, and louise and emily walked in, brian not far behind them. "dad, i don't need a baysitter. i'm fifteen-"

"only just, lou. it's just one night. just think of it as extra company."he laughed, before catching your eye. "nice to see you, y/n," he smiled, before walking over to the kitchen. "and yourself. how's recording going ?" you asked, although by the look of brian's face, it wasn't going well. "don't ask. freddie and roger both have a stick up their arses today, and keep biting each other's heads off. we're no where nearer to finishing the album than we were two weeks ago," he groaned, setting the glass of water on the table before sitting next to you. "sounds rough. i'm here all night, so take as long as you want. you're more than welcome to go for a cheeky pint before you come home, if you want."you smiled, nudging his shoulder. he shook his head, laughing good heartedly. he explained the girls' usual routines, and also added that louise would be fine, she's just being a 'teenager' as he'd put it. you'd gotten on well with lou at the party last week - you were sure she'd be fine. "i'll try and get home when i can, but i'll give you a ring when i'm on my way." he smiled, kissing your temple. you blushed furiously, smiling to hide your panic. he headed out, leaving you with the girls. you thought of calling your mother - you never did, but she usually had some good gossip on these trips. you had a good half hour before the girls would be back downstairs, so you dialled her number and waited for her to answer.

[moldisgoodforyou]

you’re my favorite (iv)

wordcount: 1.6k

part one | part two | part three

______

The next morning, Rafe didn’t wake up until nearly noon. He checked his phone with a groan, seeing a single text notification.

Sophie: hey. can I see you?

_

When Rafe finally woke up, head pounding, he rolled over to check his phone like he always did first thing in the morning. (Then he was sorely reminded that the only time he didn’t do that was when Sophie stayed over.) When he saw the text from her, he practically shot out of bed, yanking his phone charger out of the wall in the process. He dialed Sophie’s number almost immediately - only taking a split second to have to scroll through his contacts, as they hadn’t talked on the phone in weeks. 

She’d been up since seven am, anxious as she waited for his reply. Both Julia and Allie had told her to wait, text him later in the day when he was actually awake so she wouldn’t stress herself out, but her nerves won out. Sophie was a little surprised to see him call first, expecting the cold shoulder through text for a moment. 

“Rafe? Hello?” 

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Soph, hey. I got your text.” 

Just the nickname alone made her feel sure of herself again. “Yeah...can I come over and we can talk? Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. You can head over, I’ll see you soon.” He smiled, almost instantly forgetting about the last two weeks he’d had. At her expense. The second he hung up, he caught the look James was sending him. “What?” 

“You’re gonna let her off the hook that easy?” 

“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.” Rafe frowned. 

“She’s the one that hurt you here. Then she calls and you’re smiling like an idiot.” Colin told him, standing to give him space. James promptly whacked Colin upside the head. “It’s been two weeks, he’s not hurt. Don’t listen to him, Rafe.” 

He regarded the two of them with a little confusion. “Uh. I think it’ll be okay. Do you guys mind giving us the room?” 

“No, not at all.” James dragged Colin out of the room and Rafe could hear an argument brewing between the two of them, but decided not to listen in. Instead he hurriedly made his bed - and on second thought, Colin and James’ too - to make it look like he hadn’t spent all his free time in their room for the past two weeks. 

Sophie let herself into Delt, like always. (It felt oddly formal to have to text Rafe and ask to be let in.) She passed through the living room to the stairs and James called out to her, him and Colin pretending to study. “Hey, Sophie!” 

She turned and gave them a hesitant smile, hands shoved in her pockets. “Hi James. Hi Colin.” 

“It’s good to see you around. Just, uh, go easy on him, okay?” James returned the smile easily, while Colin stayed silent and didn’t look her way.  

Sophie frowned and stepped closer, lowering her voice. “Huh? I don’t understand.” 

Colin sighed exasperatedly, always blunt. “If you’re gonna hurt him -”  

“What? No!” She shook her head quickly. “No, I don’t want to - I’m not going to - look, I want to talk this out. Promise.” 

“Oh.” James nodded. “That’s not what I expected.” 

“I would never.” She emphasized. 

“Hm. Carry on, then.” Colin sat back into the couch and Sophie gave them one last look before nodding and heading up the stairs. She felt slightly more confident now, figuring the boys wouldn’t react that way if Rafe didn’t want to stay together. She paused just before entering his room and knocked, just once. 

Rafe took a deep breath before opening the door, then turned the knob and stepped back to let her in. She bit the inside of her cheek once she saw him, offering a small smile. “Hi.” 

“Hey.” He did the same, a slightly awkward tension growing between them. 

“Are you okay?” She frowned, looking over his expression, then her eyes flitted around the room for any sign of heartbreak. 

“I’m alright.” He paused. “I missed you.” 

“Fuck, I missed you too. So much.” Sophie lifted her hands just a bit toward him, then shoved them back in her pockets. “I’m so sorry, Rafe, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t want this.” 

He cocked his head a little, floppy hair falling into his eyes. “Then why did you say yes? When I asked about the break?” 

“Because! I thought you wanted it!” 

“You thought I - what? No, god, I offered it hoping you wouldn’t want it!” Rafe exclaimed, letting out a quiet laugh. 

“Oh my god.” Sophie reached out, arms extended for a half-hearted hug, then stopped herself. “I’m sorry, can I -?” She barely got the rest of her words out before Rafe stepped closer too and crushed her in a tight hug. She wrapped her arms securely around his waist, burying her face in his chest. He held one hand to the back of her head, thumb stroking over her hair as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Missed this.” He mumbled. 

She nodded, growing a little teary. “Me too. Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” 

“Me either.” He confessed, not wanting to let her go. The two stood there for a moment until she pulled away first, only to reach up and kiss him. He kissed her back slowly, hands tight on her hips. “Soph.” He murmured.  

“Hm?” She mumbled back against his lips. 

“Still need to talk.” He pulled back, resting his forehead on hers. She nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. Let’s talk.” Sophie paused. “I’ll be open, promise.” 

Rafe kissed her shortly again before taking her hand, pulling her to the couch. He turned to face her but kept ahold of her hand, not willing to let her go just yet. “Can I ask you something?” 

She faced him, cross-legged. “Yeah, of course.”  

He hesitated, careful with his words. “Am I wrong to say you’ve been acting a little off? Since the Christmas party?” 

Sophie avoided his gaze for a moment, thinking over her answer. She was surprised someone could read her so well, almost so sure she had kept herself guarded enough from Rafe for him to pick up on it. “No. You’re not wrong.” 

He frowned, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles over the back of her hand. “But why? I thought we were in a good place with the two of us.” 

“We are, we are.” She reassured him quickly. “I just...” She paused to think, not sure how much she wanted to tell him, to truly let on how insecure she’d felt. “I just - you have this whole world around you, and people treat you differently because of who you are. Your dad looked like - I don’t know, disappointed that you brought me, and -”

“Sophie.” 

She kept rambling, more talking to herself now than anything. “I’m not in the same position as you, I can’t give you expensive things -” 

“Soph -” 

She barreled on anyways. “- and take you to fancy places, I can’t really measure up to your expectations -”

He reached out and squeezed her knee to break her train of thought. “Hey, hey, stop! Shh, please. Listen to me.” 

She bit the inside of his cheek, preparing herself for what he might say. Rafe laughed a little as he sensed her nervous anticipation and kissed her cheek, trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t expect any of that from you, baby. I don’t care. I really don’t.” 

“But I’m not like you.” 

“Good. Wouldn’t want to date someone like me anyways.” He pulled her close, his arm around her shoulders. 

“What about your dad?” She frowned. 

He shifted, a small scowl on his face. “I’ve talked with him. It won’t be an issue.”

“Oh.” She fell quiet and leaned into him, cuddling into his side. 

He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “I hope I didn’t make you feel that way. About any of what you said.” 

“No, that’s the thing.” Sophie lifted her head to look him in the eye, giving him a shy smile. “You’re the constant in all this. It’s just me being dumb.” 

“Hey. Don’t call my girlfriend dumb.” He nudged her, grinning when she rolled her eyes. “Look, Soph, I want to treat you, okay? I know you like your independence, that’s part of why I -” Rafe stopped himself abruptly before he could finish the sentence. “Part of why I like you so much. But I want to do things like take you out for dinner and not have you worrying about when you’re going to pay me back.” 

She nodded, slowly. “You’re sure?” 

“Positive.” He kissed her, short and sweet. “I just need you to talk to me. I can’t read your mind.” 

“You should work on that.” 

He laughed and flicked her arm. “I’ll get right to it. Are we okay?” 

Sophie nodded again, meeting him with a kiss. “We’re okay. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” 

“I will too, I should have picked up earlier that something felt off.” He tucked a small piece of hair behind her ear and gave her a wry smile. “You should have seen me the past two weeks, I was a wreck. Don’t wanna go through that again.” 

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t great either.” She admitted, dropping her head back to his shoulder. “I do have a really busy schedule this semester though. Like, way busier than I thought it’d be. So I might tell you I’m doing something, but I’m not making excuses, promise.” 

He hummed in acknowledgment. “We’ll make time, Soph. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You mean it?”  

“Always. You’re my favorite.” 

[psychovigilantewrites]

Don’t Call Me That Pt. 2

Wordcount: 10,129

A/N:  I thought this part 2 would total up to 10k words, but when it hit 10k, I realised that I was only about 65 percent done. So based on the responses I got from tumblr, I decided to publish this first and then conclude the story later on!

TW:  mentions of r*pe, mentions of torture, mentions of drugging someone (??) , mental breakdowns, vulnerability, descriptions of anxiety

Also, HERE’S MY FAV MEMES!! I’m so sorry that I can’t tag respective meme creators, because I saved them on my phone and some of them I forgot to include your usernames!! I’M SO SORRY!!! And honest to god is wear there were more but i must have lost them im so sorry im so incompetent lmao

memeesss

You glanced at your phone.

It had already been a week in Hawaii with your friends, and Jason still hadn’t texted you.

Well, you should have expected it, really. Jason was a traumatised, mentally ill man who had been locked away for two years.

Of course he wouldn’t text you first.

You had contemplated texting him over the past few days, typing in an array of messages ranging from a simple “hey” to a whole paragraph, and deleting all of it without hitting send. Did he even switch the phone on? Was he surfing the internet? Or was the phone still there on the shelf where you had left it.

It was driving you crazy.

“Do you have a boyfriend we don’t know about?” a voice called.

You looked up and squinted at the man who was standing up, looking down at you. You were sitting on the beach, a little further away from the ocean where your friends were.

“What are you talking about?” you asked as Alex plopped down next to you.

“You’ve been fidgety the whole time,” he pointed out, combing back his dark shoulder length hair with his fingers, getting sand in them. “We’re on a private beach, and you’ve been fussing over your phone. Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” you grumbled truthfully.

“The girls have been gossiping,” he gestured to the two other girls playing in the water. Your closest friends. It was four of you in that inseparable group.

“Of course they have,” you groaned, “Tell them to SAY IT TO MY FACE, COWARDS!”

You shouted at them, earning you grins and middle fingers from the distance.

“They’re saying you’re in love with someone,” he chuckled, “But they always say stupid shit like that without any evidence. But sometimes, a girl’s intuition is just right, ya know?”

“Stop beating around the bush, Alex,” you rolled your eyes at him despite knowing he couldn’t see past your sunglasses. “No, I’m not in love. I’m just waiting for a text that might never come.”

“Why don’t you text him first?”

“Because it’s not as simple as that!” you flailed your arms, “He’s… complicated. I can’t just text him anything.”

“Girl, unless he’s Mr. Nottingham, or related to you, then it really isn’t that complicated,” he joked.

“Ugh,” you groaned again, falling back onto the cloth you spread out. “Fine. I’ll text him.”

“Atta girl,” Alex grinned, “I’m gonna head back in the water. Join us after. Please?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you waved.

Opening the text window for what had to be the thirtieth time, you finally decided to text him.

You: Miss me yet?

Staring intently at the small ‘sent’ below your message bubble, you waited for it to turn to ‘delivered’.

“Yes!” you hissed. It meant that Jason had indeed switched on the phone.

But after twenty minutes you realised that it didn’t matter if Jason switched on the phone if he didn’t want to talk to you. Cursing to yourself, you decided to join your friends in the water, hoping it’ll distract you from checking your phone every five minutes for a text message that might never come.

After an hour of actually spending time with your friends, all four of you returned to the villa, your mood elevated. Checking your phone, you could have jumped for joy when you saw not one, but four consecutive texts in a row.

Jason: Duck off. Jason: What the duck Jason: WHY CANT I SAY DUCK Jason: I DUCKING HATE THIS

You couldn’t let out a string of giggles.

“Oooh, lover boy texted you back, huh?” Alex peeked over your shoulder. “Gimme, I wanna mess with him.”

He snatched your phone from your hands, surprisingly swift and smooth for a civilian, raising it way above his head so you couldn’t reach it and opened the camera.

“Alex-!”

He threw his other arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his bare chest, crushing you before you could tackle him down. He snapped a picture and sent it.

You froze in horror.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” you yelled.

“Relax, I was just messing around,” he gave your phone back to you.

“You don’t- you don’t understand, you fucking asshole!” you screamed.

“I- I’m sorry,” Alex stuttered, surprised by your reaction. “I was just-”

“Fuck off!” you snapped.

Panicking, you saw the little notification below the picture turning from Received to Read.

No. No, no, no, no.

This was bad.

You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason by sending him photos of your activities, thinking that he might react badly to the sudden surplus of familiarity and sense of being close to someone. Now you were worried that he might start to push you away in fear, reverting back to how he was before, and months of progress would have been all for nothing.

He would probably start swearing at you, or worse- switch off the phone and reject any form of communication completely. You hurriedly texted a reply.

You: I’m so sorry! I didn’t send that, my friend was just messing around.

Expecting the worst, you braced yourself for the inevitable. Instead, he sent you:

Jason: Who the hell is that guy?? Jason: Why are you in your underwear??

Your mouth hung open as you stared in shock at the screen. Because you took so long to recover from the shock, he sent you another message.

Jason: ???

Snapping out of it, you texted back.

You: That’s just my friend. Sorry about that! And I’m not in my underwear, it’s a bikini! I’m in Hawaii.

You waited for him to reply, but ten minutes of you sitting anxiously on the turquoise sofa in the middle of the villa listening to the waves of the beach outside from the open doors passed by, and he still hadn’t.

Perhaps he’s busy- wait. There’s no way Jason would be busy. You tried to coax him into a conversation.

You: You can turn off your autocorrect if you want to swear without hassle. Go to your Keyboard settings.

You plopped your phone on the empty seat next to you and dried your hair.

“Ugh, come on!” complained Natalie, fully clothed and washed, walking towards the open concept kitchen from her room. “You’re getting sand everywhere!”

“Woops, my bad,” you grinned.

“There’s a shower outside on the porch for a reason you know,” she flipped her blond beach waves at you, looking through the fridge.

Alex stood quietly at the kitchen island, now scared to say anything.

You rolled your eyes. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Okay, I promise!” he grinned.

Ding.

Jason: fuck. fuck. fucking fuck. Jason: found it. You: Proud of you, man.

You went to your room and showered, then dried off and put on fresh clothes while waiting for Jason to reply.

Of course, he never did.

Groaning, you had to remind yourself that he was not used to human interaction, and texting would come unnaturally to him. Which meant that you had to be the one to keep the conversation going.

You: Do anything interesting since I left?

You saw him typing almost immediately this time.

Jason: no.

Of course not.

You: Have you been eating properly? Jason: yeah.

God, it was so difficult. You were in the middle of typing something when he replied again.

Jason: yoire not my mom Jason: yoire Jason: YOIRE Jason: FUCK WHY CANR I TYPE

You felt guilty for laughing, but you did anyway.

You: Now that you switched off autocorrect, it won’t correct your typos and misspells anymore. Jason: i fucking knw that. Ive been gone for two yeard not twenty. You: Then why do you sound like a grandpa? Jason: BECAISE YOU GAVE ME A FUCKINF IPHONE!! I USED AN ANDROID!!

Now you were really laughing out loud, so you sent him a GIF of a woman rolling her eyes.

Jason: wtf you can send gifs throug text now?? You: Welcome to 2020, my dude. Jason: im not your fucking dude

Typing a reply, Jason interrupted you once again.

Jason: teach me how to do that

Smiling widely, you found that you couldn’t wait for the next week to pass by so you could go back and see him.

***

“How’s Jason?” you asked the minute you reached the Cave computers, panting from the run down.

“Wow, hello to you, too,” Dick chuckled, spinning towards you on the wheeled chair.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Bruce and Dick were in front of the computers, discussing a case that had connections to Bludhaven Police Department.

Gone for two weeks, you had a lot to catch up on.

“According to Alfred, he’s doing well,” Bruce answered, “Even started to ask for seconds last week. Now Alfred has been making portions for two.”

“He asked? For seconds?” you gasped. “How?”

“He left a note on the tray two days after you left. He’s been making meal requests, too. Texts Alfred in the morning to let him know.”

“Texted?!”

“Alfred slipped his number on the tray in case Jason wanted anything specific.”

“I slipped mine as well, but he hasn’t texted me yet,” Dick pouted.

“When did he start texting?” you ignored Dick.

“Last Sunday.”

So the same day you started texting him, then.

“He hasn’t texted me,” Dick sighed, looking dejected like a kid who was told Disneyland blew up.

“He’ll come around, Dick,” you offered him a smile, “I mean- he’s already texting Alfred!”

“Yeah,” he lamented.

“Okaaay, nice talk. I’m gonna go see him now, bye.”

You ran to the box, but stopped right before you opened the internal door. After checking your hair with your phone camera, you tried to stifle the butterflies in your stomach.

Ugh, you were so fucked.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

“Yeah,” Jason’s muffled grunt answered you.

Pushing it open, your eyes immediately went to the bed only to find that he wasn’t lounging around reading a book like you expected. Instead, your mouth dropped open when you saw him on the floor, doing push ups.

Shirtless.

Jason had changed drastically during the two weeks you were gone. You noticed that he had definitely gained weight, as well as muscle mass.

“Uh, wh-what are you..?”

He stood up, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

His muscles were much more prominent and defined now, and he looked like he was going to achieve Dick’s physique if he kept it up for another month or two.

“Welcome back,” he simply said before taking gulps from a water bottle you definitely had not seen before.

“Thanks,” you walked over and sat on his bed, “I’m glad to see that you decided to start taking care of yourself again.”

“What, this? This isn’t for me.”

“Huh?” you cocked your head in curiosity.

“I… I lost a lot of muscle mass. My body- it isn’t how it used to be,” he frowned, “And I can’t have you lusting over it when it’s not at its peak.”

“What- what do you-?” you stammered, suddenly getting hot.

Jason merely smirked and then continued his push ups.

You watched as his developing muscles rippled, a thin layer of sweat making his skin glisten in the light. It was amazing how he had progressed so much in such a short period of time. You guessed that he must have just been occupying his days by working out.

No wonder he’s been asking for seconds.

“Enjoying the view?” Jason breathed, pausing with his arms straightened, his head angled upwards towards you.

“No, shut up,” you looked away.

“Here, be useful,” he started, “Sit on my back.”

“What?”

“I’ve gotten used to my own body weight, I need extra resistance,” he elaborated, “Come on, sit on my back.”

“But it’s all sweaty,” you whined, pretending to protest. Definitely pretending- for the sake of your own dignity.

You got up and went over towards him anyway.

Carefully, awkwardly, you sat on his back as you would a park bench. You rested your palms flat against his sticky skin to stabilise yourself. Suddenly, he dipped down without warning, earning a soft squeal from you.

“Fuck, you’re heavy,” he strained, but continued to do the push ups. He was shakier, struggling with the weight, and after twenty-five, he paused. “Okay, I think I’m done.”

But before you had the chance to get off him, he suddenly stood up, throwing you off his back to have you fall on the floor on your ass.

“Jason, you assho-” you clapped your hand over your mouth, realising what you had just said.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

He stood towering over you, his jaw clenching as he stared you down with his cold, blue eyes.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot! It was a reflex and-”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore,” he rolled his eyes, reaching for his bottle.

You blinked. Then scrambled to your feet.

“You don’t care anymore?” you repeated slowly.

“I don’t care if you call me that,” he huffed.

That made your heart swell and melt at the same time.

“I got used to your voice,” he mumbled, expression changing as he looked away. He frowned, as if he was angrily staring at a distant object.

You had just guessed that he didn’t like to be called his name because of a sense of familiarity, but now you were thinking that there was much more to that than what you had originally thought.

“So, I can call you… Jason?” you tested.

“Yeah, call me whatever you want,” he sat on his bed, looking up at you.

You smiled, thankful that you had finally crossed that bridge. “You know, I could get some workout stuff for you? Weights, bands, that bar thing that you can put at your door frame for pull ups…”

“You’d like to see that, huh?” he smirked.

“You flatter yourself too much,” you scoffed.

“How was Hawaii?” he changed the subject all of a sudden.

“It was fun. Beach was great, locals were great, loved the vibe- what are you doing?”

Jason had stood back up and started to walk closer and closer to you, getting all up in your space like a predator finally cornering its prey. You kept on taking steps back until your ass hit the edge of the desk.

Nowhere else to run, your heart started hammering. He leaned in, his hands resting on the desk on either side of your body, trapping you against the table and himself. You looked up and gulped. You could almost feel the heat radiating from his bare skin.

“Are you afraid of me?” he muttered lowly.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” you whispered.

“You tell me,” he said.

“Well, I’m not afraid of you,” you stated.

“Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow. Then, you felt his hand grip your wrist tightly, pressing down on your skin with his fingers. “Your pulse is very fast for someone who’s not afraid of me.”

“It’s because you’re all up in my space!” you argued.

“Didn’t look like you mind when your friend,” he snarled the word, “was all up in your space.”

“My friend? What- oh,” you widen your eyes in realisation, “You mean Alex.”

“Is that his name?”

“Alex is just a friend, nothing more. He’s just someone I’m close to,” you reassured him.

Which then made you think about why you were reassuring him.

“Oh, you were definitely close to him,” Jason growled.

“Wait- are you… jealous?” a smile creeped your lips.

He scowled at you for a few moments, and you could see the little tics in his expression that said he was annoyed. The flared nostrils, the muscles of his jaw clenching and unclenching, the very slight twitches at the corner of his left eye.

“No,” he finally said, taking a step back from you. “I’m going to shower. Since you couldn’t stop staring at me, the invitation is still open for you to join.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that maybe I prefer it when you were broody instead of this. Please go back to your depressive mental state,” you sarcastically replied.

Jason barked out an actual laugh. Though his laugh was odd, like someone who’s only now discovering that humans were indeed capable of laughter, you found comfort in it. It was no longer hysterical and devoid of humor. He was getting better, learning to embrace a connection with someone, and it made you extremely happy.

“Maybe I should,” he answered with a cheeky glint in his eye, “Then that way you can give me more sponge baths.”

He left you alone in his room, flushed and at a loss for words.

***

“I find it very odd that people would yell ‘Batman!’ when they realise you’re there,” you rambled while climbing out of the Batmobile.

You were absolutely drenched from the downpour that had been going on all night. It was 4 am on a friday night and you had just returned from patrol.

Bruce took off his cowl immediately, revealing tired eyes despite the relatively slow night.

“It’s like they’re saying ‘Look at me! I’m here! Please knock me out or hang me upside down from the-’ Bruce?”

Bruce had stiffen, staring at something behind you. You turned around and was shocked to see Jason in the mid-distance, sitting on the ground outside the black box that was his room, leaning against the cool metal.

He himself was staring intently at Bruce, not even sparing you a glance.

You looked back and forth between the two men, sensing a high tension silent conversation.

Then, Bruce’s eyes relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly in that hardly-there-Bruce-smile.

He gave Jason one stiff nod of understanding, then walked away to the computers at the other end of the cave, leaving you alone with his son.

Jason relaxed as you walked over to him, wringing your hair to squeeze out all the excess water.

“Aw, you waited up for me,” you teased, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, grinning away.

“Fuck off,” he snorted, “I was bored.”

You noticed him clenching his jaw as he looked at you from top to bottom, eyes lingering longer on the ‘R’ on your left breast.

Ah, it was his first time seeing you in your uniform.

His uniform.

Suddenly, you felt like an imposter in those colors and had the strong urge to rip the uniform off.

You wanted to say something, but Jason beat you to it.

“There were times in that shit hole where I wanted to burn that uniform off my skin,” he grit, “Kept on thinking to myself. I wish I never became Robin. I wish I never met Bruce Wayne.”

Your heart shattered at his confession. It was extremely rare for him to bring up anything related to his two year torture, and the previous times were never in such detail.

Realising you needed to say something, you opened your mouth. “I’m so-”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Yes, sometimes you knew that he just wanted you to listen.

You nodded silently and went to sit next to him on the floor.

“It… suits you,” he forced out.

“Hmm?”

“The uniform. It suits you. More than it ever suited me,” he grumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think your ass would look quite nice in green,” you joked, nudging his shoulder with your own.

He chuckled deeply, nudging you back even harder- hard enough for you to lose your balance and topple sideways, earning another breathy laugh from Jason.

***

Another month passed by, and you found yourself falling deeply for Jason- much to your dismay. You knew Jason wasn’t ready for any kind of intense emotions, and that it would take a very long time before he was.

So you swallowed your emotions down, stifling them and hoping it would go away.

The two of you had developed a pleasant friendship, often bickering and joking around, with Jason teasing you about your obvious physical attraction to him.

He also now occasionally waited outside his cube for you to come back after patrol, never really venturing too far from it, and still avoiding contact with both Bruce and Dick. Only you and Alfred had the privilege to speak to him.

Even then, sometimes you would visit his room but only getting a “I’m not feeling it today. Please leave.”

Understandingly, you would nod silently and leave him alone. You knew he still had his bad days, sometimes not eating his meals.

But mostly, he was getting better, both mentally and physically.

With nothing much to do the whole day, Jason was now obsessed with working out and bulking up. He now had a few simple equipment in his room- mostly weights.

You figured that it was a coping mechanism for him, a healthy outlet to channel all his rage and negative emotions into.

But come on. He was getting even hotter and it was making it extremely difficult for you to stop yourself from checking him out, fantasizing about him when he wasn’t around. Still, you couldn’t complain. Even though he hadn’t reached Dick’s size yet, he was very near to it, and his naturally bigger body frame and build made up for the still developing muscles.

Hell, he was now sporting a six pack.

But you knew that he was still not as well as you hoped he would be. The bloodshot eyes he had was proof that he doesn’t sleep well- and you soon found out why.

It was a little past midnight on your night off from patrol, and you were using your break in the best way you could think of- by sleeping. Something woke you up that night.

A soft knock on your door.

You frowned, eyes still closed, wondering who it was.

Bruce would usually knock twice. Strong, clear, and with purpose. Dick would start pounding rapidly on your door, annoying you intentionally. Alfred would give three soft knocks followed by a ‘Miss?’

Your eyes flew open. There was only one other person in the manor.

Throwing your covers aside, you jumped out of bed and rushed to the door to open it.

Jason stood outside your door in the dim lights of the hallway, frowning and running his fingers nervously through his messy dark hair. He was wearing a t-shirt with boxers, standing awkwardly.

“Jason?” you hated how your voice sounded so sleepy. You cleared your throat. “Are you okay? Would you like to come in?”

He nodded silently, and you made way for him to enter before closing the door behind you.

“Sit on the bed,” you told him while jumping back into yours, sitting up cross legged.

The bed dipped when he sat on it, copying your motion and crossed his legs.

You waited for him to say something, your eyes straining to catch his in the dark. But he just remained silent, staring into space and avoiding your eyes.

“How did you know this was my room?” you asked, starting with a light topic.

“Only one that was locked. I already know where everyone else sleeps,” he explained.

“That’s right,” you realised, “I tend to forget that you’re probably even more familiar with the manor than I am.”

“Did you know there’s an old dumbwaiter in Bruce’s room?” you saw him smirk from the shadows that was casted on his face, “I used to hide in there, waiting to catch him off guard.”

“What? Why?”

“Dick and I, we had a bet,” he recalled the memory, “Whoever gets to surprise Bruce first would owe the other a special favor. Only rule was that we had to have it on video as proof.”

You appreciated that moment, the first time he ever spoke about both Dick and Bruce as a fond memory.

“I won, by the way,” he continued, “But- I forgot to press record on my phone.”

“Oh, no,” you groaned for him.

“Yeah, and Dick refused to believe me,” he chuckled, “That old man didn’t want to admit it either. But I swear- the look on his face when I jumped out while he and some model were going at it- priceless.”

Your jaw dropped, and then you burst into a fit of laughter, tears filling your eyes.

“You- you- you jumped out on him while he was having sex?!” you squealed.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I didn’t even care that it sort of scarred me, because I managed to catch Batman off guard.”

The both of you laughed, his deep voice mingling with your own on that quiet night.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jason,” you smiled warmly at him.

But then, his smile fell.

“I hate my name now.”

“I’m sorry,” you began, “You said it was okay to call you that, so I-”

“No, it’s fine,” he started running his fingers through his hair again, “It’s just- I don’t know.”

“You can tell me anything,” you reassured, “It won’t leave this room. I promise.”

He looked at you, worry in his eyes. “Okay. Fine. Yeah.”

You waited for him to begin.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve been having nightmares. Almost every night. It’s always the same one.”

“You want to tell me about it?” you prompted him after waiting for him to continue.

“I hate my name because he said it a lot. Joker,” he scowled, “After repeatedly burning my skin for my name, it’s like that’s all he said. In that annoying, high pitched, sing-song voice of his. Jason, Jason, Jason. It made me hate my name. It made me hate hearing it.”

“I- I didn’t know how much time passed when I was in there,” he continued, “But, fuck. It was- it was hell. And the worst part was that I kept on waiting for Bruce. Waiting and hoping for him to find me and save me. I was so desperate. You- I-”

He choked on his words. His eyes were squeezed shut and his lips tight.

You wanted to reach out to him, hug him, tell him that everything was okay now. But you didn’t. You waited for him to collect himself so he could finish telling you his story, just like how he wanted to.

“Anyway, I- despite all that,” he sighed, “That was the only thing that kept me sane. I kept on clinging onto the hope that he was out there, searching. And that helped for a while. Until- until that happened.”

He was breathing heavily now, fidgeting more. Jason was definitely getting increasingly agitated the deeper he went.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Fuck.”

The moment you realised he was crying was when he let out a sniffle. You automatically took his hand in yours, squeezing it as a form of comfort.

“It’s okay,” you told him, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I need to. I have to. I can’t take this anymore. Keeping everything in, I feel like I’m about to fucking explode.”

“Okay, then take it slow,” you said, “No rush. Anytime you’re ready.”

He nodded, eyes still closed, as if he was afraid of letting you see him cry.

“One night,” he began, “I think- I don’t know what was different- but I think something went wrong for him. Or right? That’s how it was. Tormenting me was fun, but it was also an outlet for him. But at the same time when he was happy, he also tortured me. He came to me, and- injected me with some sort of drug. That never happened before. He made sure that my head was clear whenever he hurt me so that I could feel everything he did.”

“But- he did- and- immediately, I felt weak,” he continued, “I mean, I was already weak. But my head. It was cloudy. I remember everything clearly, but it was like my brain couldn’t process it, couldn’t communicate with my body. I felt like I was looking out through a window that was my eyes- like I was in someone else’s body, experiencing someone else’s moments.”

“He released me,” Jason’s voice was now barely a whisper. “He released me from the ropes, and I fell to the floor. And then he- he- fuck.”

He let go of your hand and started pulling at his hair, rocking back and forth on your bed. He was sobbing now, his shoulders jerking up in sharp intakes of breaths. The only thing you could do was to stay silent and hold back your own tears.

You rested your hand on his knee, giving him a textile connection with reality so he doesn’t fall into his own thoughts.

“You- he- he- ruh- ruhp-”

Your heart sank to your stomach in horror as you realised what Jason was trying to say. It was as if you were plunged into icy water, chills running down your spine at the true revelation of what he had gone through in that cursed cell.

“Oh, no,” you breathed.

“He pushed me down,” he choked, “Pushed me down and climbed on top. I- I couldn’t even fight him. I was- I was conscious the whole time and I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t fucking do anything.”

Your tears were falling down now, both at the sight of Jason looking so vulnerable and fragile, and at his confession. Not being able to help yourself, you threw your arms over his neck and crashed into his hard body, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

His arms immediately wrapped around you, clutching you so hard it was painful as he buried his own face into your shoulder.

“And he kept on saying my name,” he said in muffled cries, “Jason, Jason, Jason. The whole fucking time. And- and I knew. He didn’t do it for pleasure. He did it to torment me. He- he didn’t even- he didn’t even finish.”

Jason sobbed into your skin for the next few minutes, his tears soaking through your night shirt. “But I did. Even though it was painful. Fuck, the pain was worse than anything he had ever done to me before. But- he- I- I fucking came.”

The both of you were sobbing now, his ragged breaths mingling together with your own on that quiet night.

His grip on you was tight, as if he thought that if he let go, you would disappear. So he clung onto you with all his might to keep you there with him as he recalled the horrific events.

“That's what broke me. I was so disgusted with myself. I hated myself. And he- he saw everything and- and laughed. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to choke and die. I’ve never seen him laugh like that. And I remember every single fucking moment of being helpless on that fucking floor while he- fuck. Fuck.”

“And then he left. He left me on the floor bleeding and I never saw him again. And I went fucking insane. I tried to kill myself so many fucking times. So many times, I lost count. That’s what I dream about every night. His laughs, and his ‘Jason, Jason, Jason’.”

And that was that. That was the story.

The end of Jason Todd.

The both of you cried long and hard that night in each other’s arms. Eventually, you both lied down on the pillows together, underneath the covers.

“Please don’t tell Bruce,” he whispered to you.

Your head was on his chest, his big arms wrapped around your waist, your legs tangled with his.

You smiled at that. Even with the trauma, even with the sense of abandonment he felt, he still wanted to protect Bruce from knowing the truth.

Because the both of you knew that the truth would kill him.

“I promise,” you whispered back.

And then the both of you fell asleep together.

***

“Has Jason been sleeping in your room with you?” Bruce asked you on one fine Saturday morning at breakfast.

It had been about a week and a half since the first time Jason knocked on your door and poured out his feelings to you.

“He gets nightmares,” you tried to explain.

He thought that if he told you everything, the nightmares would stop. But it didn’t. But he then realised that the only thing that made it better was sleeping by your side, having someone there to wake him up from living his own hell in a loop.

“And do the two of you… Just sleep?” Bruce frowned.

“Yes!” you widen your eyes in horror at the insinuation. “Bruce! Come on!”

“I know you have feelings for him, and I’m sure he does for you as well. But I don’t think something like that is what Jason needs right now,” he stated.

“Yes, I know!” you groaned at the thought having that kind of conversation with him, “Jesus, Bruce. I know. I’m just there to wake him up or help him fall back asleep. Nothing more.”

Bruce nodded, deep in thought. “Has he… told you? About what happened?”

You pursed your lips. “Yes.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Hmm,” his frown went deeper. “I understand. He will tell me when he is ready.”

“Exactly,” you smiled, hiding the fact that Jason may never tell Bruce what happened. Never the full story.

“He still hasn’t left the manor?”

“No,” you sighed, “I asked him if he wanted some fresh air. Just outside the main door, not even going down the steps. But he refused. Told me to, and I quote, ‘Fuck off’.”

“Well, he’s only just left the cave, and it’s just to your room,” Bruce thought out loud, “It’s still progress. Especially since he’s been talking to you about the past.”

“He only spoke about it one time,” you said, “And then never again.”

“I see,” he hummed, “And you’re okay with him sleeping with you?”

“Next to me, Bruce, sleeping next to me,” you corrected.

“Yes, and you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, it’s all good,” you assured him, “I can kick him out any time I want- but I don’t want to. He looks like a lost puppy sometimes.”

“An angry lost puppy.”

You chuckled at that and couldn’t agree more.

*** While Jason got the sleep he needed when he was next to you, it was counterproductive on your end. You had never been with anyone before, and definitely had not slept on the same bed with another man.

So to feel his body heat and breaths against your skin, his occasional light snores, it made your mind go on hyperdrive.

Most of the time, the two of you would just lie down, your back against his front, or your backs against each other, or both on your backs just staring at the ceiling- and talked. You would be the one talking the most, of course, about anything you could think of. You would tell him about your day, your patrols, something you read about online, or the current news.

But that one particular night during week three of him sleeping next to you, the two of you were silent. It wasn’t an awkward or uncomfortable silence, but the kind of silence that was pleasant and was better described as a peaceful quiet.

You had your back pressed against his front and his arm was lazily draped over your waist. It was a cold night, and you were wearing just a tank top and pyjama shorts, snuggling under the covers that went up all the way to your nose.

Shifting a bit while snuggling comfortably, you pressed yourself against Jason’s body to get more of his heat. But then, you were met with something poking against your lower back.

“Ngh, please ignore that,” Jason huffed.

Oh.

For some reason, you forgot that Jason was a physically healthy male who was capable of having sexual thoughts and feelings. All this while, you thought you were the only one.

“Are you- uh- is that- uh-” you stuttered, feeling your face flush with heat.

Feeling your body suddenly alert with excitement.

“Yes, it’s my fucking penis,” he grit almost angrily, “What, never heard of an erection before?”

“Of course I have!” you argued rather defensively, “It’s just- I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Why?” he demanded, “You didn’t think I could get it up or something?”

“No, of course not!” you denied, “It just didn’t cross my mind, that’s all.”

A pause. Then-

“Well,” he sighed, “You wouldn’t have been wrong.”

Your mind blanked for a second.

“What do you mean?” you asked softly.

“It’s my- fuck- it’s my first time,” he confessed.

“Your first time getting an erection?” you gasped.

“No, you idiot,” he snapped, “It’s my first time getting hard since… since… then.”

Oh. Oh, you were an idiot.

“It’s just- after that- even when I was downstairs, alone and safe, I- I couldn’t,” he told you, “I kept on thinking back to that time and- and I couldn’t. I found it disgusting.”

And immediately, like someone doused you in cold water, any feeling of horniness you had when you first felt his erection against you disappeared. You just felt so sad for him, but also angry. Angry that he had to go through all of that, and angrier that there was nothing you could do about it.

“So, why do you think you’re getting it now?” you asked. Perhaps talking about it in an objective manner would help guide him through his thought process.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffed, “You’re fucking pressing your ass against my dick, what did you think would happen?”

“Wait, what?” your eyes widen, “You’re hard because of me?”

“No shit,” he said, “You’re hardly wearing any clothes, too.”

You shouldn’t feel happy due to the circumstance and context, but there you were ecstatic that he found you attractive enough to pop a boner after so long.

“Fuck,” he sighed, suddenly pressing himself closer to you.

His hand that draped over your waist when to actually grip it. Then, then, he grinded his hard on against your ass.

“Mmm,” he rumbled deeply, “Feels good.”

There. That was it. You were once again flooded with the feeling of heat that pooled at your stomach, a tingling sensation started at your core. Feeling hot despite the low temperature of the night, you clenched your thighs together, needing the slight pressure.

“Yeah?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he grinded on you again, and then unexpectedly let out a chuckle.

“What is it?” you smiled, loving it whenever you heard him laugh.

“I thought… For the longest time, I thought I was broken. That he broke me,” he revealed, “I thought I needed to get all Wingardium Leviosa on this little fucker.”

“Oh my God,” you laughed and groaned at the same time, “You’re so fucking embarassing.”

He laughed along with you and continued. “But now I’m hard and- and horny. You made me feel like I’m normal again. Like I’m sixteen again, and getting horny over everything.”

Sometimes, we take the normal things for granted. Food, shelter, clothes. In this case, it was a goddamned boner. In a way, Jason’s erection was symbolic- however funny it sounded. Getting your sexual appetite and need back after being so traumatised was a massive leap for many people who had experienced the same thing.

It meant that Jason was healing well.

“Does that make you happy?” you asked.

“Not particularly,” he admitted, “But I’m definitely not sad either.”

“That’s good enough for now, then,” you beamed.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

Another few moments of silence. You could feel it, his cock pushing into you. However tempted you were to push back and grind, you held yourself still.

“Uh, Jason?” you voiced.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to like, take care of it?” you asked, “I mean. My bathroom is available. Or- there are many empty rooms.”

“No,” he simply stated.

“No?”

“No.”

“It’s kinda poking into me.”

“Just ignore it.”

“Ignore it?” you gaped, “How can I ignore it? You’re literally pressing it into my ass.”

“Well, then do you want to take care of it?” he teased.

You couldn’t argue back. “Fine, I’ll ignore it.”

He chuckled. “I’ll turn around.”

When he made the movement, you suddenly grabbed him by the wrist. “No, it’s fine. Stay here.”

You expected him to tease you like he usually would, make a crass comment, or even a ‘fuck off’.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around you again in silence, and the both of you drifted to sleep.

***

“Do you think this color suits me?” Natalie asked, holding up a floral red dress.

The four of you were at the mall in Diamond District. Now that high school was over, and everyone would be going off to separate colleges in a few months, you tried to spend time with each other as much as you could.

“Any color suits you, Nat,” you rolled your eyes, “You’re hot stuff.”

“Jesus, it’s like you’re shoving it in our faces at this point,” Sarah added, flipping her brunette hair to the side, tight curls flowing down.

“Aw, you guys,” Nat pretended to tear up, “I’m gonna miss you guys so much!”

“Not again,” Alex groaned, “We’ve been through this so many times.”

“I’m gonna be so miserable without you guys,” Natalie continued on, ignoring Alex’s interruption.

“I don’t know,” Sarah shrugged, “I think I’d enjoy New York. I can have pizza parties with the rats in my overpriced apartment.”

You chuckled at Sarah’s joke. Everyone was leaving Gotham except you. Deciding to continue with Robin, you opted for Gotham University- prestigious, old, and most importantly, close to home.

Your phone dinged in your pocket. You opened it to find texts from Dick.

Dick: OH MY GOD. Dick: I’m at the Manor. Dick: Was going to the Cave gym to work out. Dick: AND Dick: JASON IS HERE!!! WHAT DO I DO?!?!

That was new. Jason would usually just use whatever basic equipment he had in his room to work out. The fact that he was at the Cave’s sparring area where all the other fancier work out equipment were was out of the ordinary.

You: Just go. See if he reacts. If he suddenly stiffens and just stay there not doing anything, then leave. If he continues on, then it’s okay to stay- but don’t initiate anything! Dick: OKOKOK

You waited anxiously for Dick’s update. All four of you were now walking towards the food court, but you hardly listened to their bickering. Forty-five minutes passed before Dick texted you again.

Dick: OMG HE TALKED TO ME You: What did he say? Dick: He asked me to pass him his towel. You: That’s all he said? Dick: IT’S PROGRESS OKAY!!

Dick was right. It meant that Dick was now the third person Jason had spoken to. Adding another person to his list of contacts was definitely progress.

You were happy for him.

You:Is he still there? Dick: Nah he left Dick: But WOW he’s looking good. He must have been really going at it. I think he might get bigger than me soon You: All he does now is work out. He’s obsessed. Dick: Yeah I can tell

You decided to leave it at that for now and try to concentrate on your friends, but Dick sent another message.

Dick: ARE YOU TWO HAVING SEX?!?!

You spat out your drink, earning weird looks from everyone.

You: DICK!!!! WTF NO!!

Dick never replied.

***

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Jason asked, his voice breaking the silence of your dark room. The two of you were on your bed, lying down and staring at the ceiling.

“Of course,” you said. It didn’t matter to you what Jason asks for. He hardly ever asked for anything.

“Could you… Take me out tomorrow?” he requested, “If you’re not doing anything else, that is.”

“Uh, sure!” you nodded, surprised. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” he shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, okay,” you hesitated, “But- are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to go so far so quickly. Maybe you should start with just going to the backyard?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “I’m not a kid.”

“Okay then,” you agreed. “Tomorrow.”

You kept on glancing anxiously at him the next day as he climbed into the passenger seat of your car. He was quiet, but looked perfectly fine.

Switching the engine on, you drove out of the garage and out the large automatic gates. Trees soon surrounded the lonely road on both sides as you descended downhill into town.

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“I thought Robinson Park would be nice,” you said. It was around three in the afternoon, yet Gotham was dark as though the day was ending. It was cloudy, skies grey and wind blowing.

“You’re taking me to a park?” he scoffed.

“It’s more quiet than anywhere else,” you reasoned with him, “Less people. Spacious. Lots of greenery.”

“Whatever.”

Reaching the parking space of the park, you noticed that there were a few cars. Mothers and nannies liked to bring children out to the park around that time. Joggers and teens, college students and retired elderly seeking a little escape from the high rise buildings of concrete and glass.

You turned the engine off and proceeded to open the door, only then noticing Jason stiffening. Looking over to him, you saw that his eyebrows were pulled down in a deep frown, his jaw clenched, his hands in fists on his knees.

You didn’t say anything or make any comment. Leaning back into your seat, you waited until Jason was ready.

About five minutes passed before he took a deep breath, gave you a nod, and then opened his door.

The two of you walked along a path at the park, going deeper inside and further away from your car. There were a few joggers around, some tourists, and some teens taking photos. You saw a group of kids in the distance playing frisbee, and the others were walking their dogs.

An empty bench stood in the middle of the park, overlooking a clearing. You headed there, Jason following closely behind.

“It’s a bit gloomy today,” you pouted, “As if Gotham could be anything other than that, of course.”

You looked at Jason.

He looked like a scared dog being brought out for the first time.

His jittery knees were bouncing rapidly, his wide eyes were darting at every movement, his forehead was covered with a thin layer of sweat, and his breathing was heavy.

“Woah, woah,” you reached out to him, putting an arm on his back. “It’s okay. I’m here. Just listen to me talk, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he gulped.

“Try to calm your breathing,” you instructed, “Deep breaths, Jason. In… out… In… Out… Yeah, see that’s great.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, now calmer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled warmly, “You’re doing just fine.”

“No, I’m not,” he strained, “I feel like everything is too big. Too vast. The fucking sky looks like it’s going to crash down on me and at the same time suck me up into a void.”

“And despite all you’re feeling right now, you’re not breaking down or anything, are you?” you tried, “You’re okay, Jason. This is progress.”

“I guess,” he sighed, “I’m just- I’m so used to having four walls and a ceiling. Now everything feels too big.”

“I understand,” you empathized, “Whenever you want to go back, just say the word. Or we can even just go and sit in the car. No problem.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” he stood up.

The walk back to the car was faster.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking pathetic,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

“No, you’re not,” you reassured him, “That was great, Jason. Come on, it was your first time outside in two years and a half. Cut yourself some slack.”

“I’m so fucking broken,” he choked.

“Don’t say that,” you scolded, “You’re not broken. And you know what, even if you think you are, we can always fix it. Baby steps. Maybe we can do this once a week. We were out for like, ten minutes? Next week we’ll try fifteen. How’s that sound?”

“Twice a week,” he stated, “I just want to be normal again.”

“Okay, twice a week, then,” you agreed, “We’ll try again in a couple of days, okay?”

“Okay,” he paused, “Thank you.”

“No problemo,” you grinned, “Would you like to stay here a bit longer or shall we go back?”

“Let’s go back.”

“Wanna stop by the diner? You can wait in the car while I ask for a take-away?”

“...okay.”

***

Jason and you had gone out twice more. Once three days after the first time, and the other a week later. The second time he went out, he lasted twenty minutes, though you were sure he was being stubborn on his part. He looked like he was having a heart attack, but he insisted on staying until he hit the twenty minute mark.

The third time, he was much much better. Surprisingly so. The two of you sat down on that bench for half an hour, with you even leaving him alone for a few minutes to get two ice cream cones.

After that, you took him for a drive around the city. He seemed to be more comfortable in the car, so you went all the way from Robinson Park to Diamond District, and back to the manor.

Bruce seemed very pleased with your update, and you swore you could see him actually smile.

“Thank you,” he had told you. “You’ve done more than I could have ever asked of you.”

“It’s no problem, Bruce. Really,” you reassured him.

“I’m his father. He is my responsibility. It’s my fault he’s even in that state. I wish I could do more for him,” he said solemnly.

“The fact that you understand what he needs is more than helpful, Bruce,” you smiled, “Not many parents can do that. You understand and respect him. That’s enough for now.”

He simply nodded.

Ever since your scheduled outings, Jason had become more and more relaxed whenever he was in the manor. He now walked to the kitchen on occasion to mess with Alfred while he cooked meals for him, sometimes sitting in the living room lounging on the couch while reading. Most of the time, though, he was down at the sparring zone of the Cave, working out.

But at night, he would never fail to knock on your door.

And at that particular night, you found yourself in the same situation again while lying down on your side with your back to his front, for the fifth time.

“You officially have to stop calling yourself broken,” you grumbled, “Because that thing poking into my ass is definitely not broken.”

He chuckled lowly. “You complaining, sweetheart?”

Oh, and yes. Jason now had started calling you ‘sweetheart’. Why? You had no clue. It was just a thing that happened. The look on your face when he first slipped it in was probably a sight to behold.

“No shit, I’m complaining, Jason,” you groaned, “You haven’t jerked off, yet? Not even once?”

“Nope,” he popped the P, “I just… I don’t want to… I don’t want to come.”

You sighed, understanding the situation. He had been disgusted with himself because he had ejaculated when Joker… Well, that. You hated to even think about it, so you always shoved the thought away.

“But unfortunately for me, I still get super horny,” he rumbled deeply, pushing his hips into you even more, “So fucking horny.”

“And then I have to suffer,” you complained.

“I can assure you, blue balls are more painful than something poking into you,” he bickered.

“It’s not that…”

“Then?”

“I get horny too, come on man,” you whined, “I’m a hormonal teenage girl. What did you expect?”

“You get horny too?” he whispered after a pause.

“Uh, yeah,” you admitted nervously. Somehow, the mood shifted, and your heart started drumming against your chest.

“Because of me?” he asked.

“Not you specifically, I mean,” you tried to back track, “You’re… Your dick pressing up against me like that, I mean, come on, Jason.”

“Simple question sweetheart,” he told you, “You get horny because of me, yes or no?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

Fuck, why did you say yes? You could have lied. You could have not answered.

“Yeah?” he breathed. You noticed that his hand was now on your hip, right above the waistband of your sleeping shorts, drawing circles onto your skin with his thumb.

You were nervous. The butterflies in your tummy was not helping you calm down.

“Yeah,” you squeezed your eyes shut, as if to protect yourself from anything he had to say.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping your hips and grinding his hard on against your ass even more. And did it… Fuck, did it get even harder?

Afraid of saying the wrong thing, and also out of nervousness, you remained silent. Jason’s chest rose and fall against your back, his respiratory rate increasing. His pinky finger slid underneath the waistband, testing the waters before slowly slipping his hand into your pants.

He went in so slowly, as if waiting for you to tell him no, to rip his hand away, to wrench yourself away from him. But you never did, so he went in deeper, caressing the skin beneath your pelvic bone, his heat just burning into you.

“You’re not wearing any underwear,” he commented, voice suddenly husky.

“I don’t wear them to bed,” you informed him.

“You mean to tell me,” he growled, “That all this while I’ve been sleeping next to you and you never had your panties on?”

“It’s more comfortable that way,” you mumbled.

“Jesus Christ,” he cursed. “Thank God I never knew. Would have been torture, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Jason,” you gasped.

“It’s true,” he said, “Damn, sweetheart.”

He went lower, closer to your center.

Your core was tingly, small pulses of electricity buzzed through your body as Jason came closer and closer and closer and-

He slipped his hands between your closed thighs and cupped you.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly, “Warm. Fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” you laughed, even though you felt like screaming on the inside. Screaming for more.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, burying his face into your nape, taking a deep breath. “You smell nice.”

Oh, shit. You totally forgot about Jason’s aversion to strong smells.

“I’m sorry!” you quickly apologised, “I can switch to an unscented shampoo as well so it wouldn’t be too strong for you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “I like it on you.”

He ground his hand into your center harder.

“Mmpf, Jay,” you breathed, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “I’ve never touched a girl like this before.”

“Really?” you widen your eyes in surprise.

“I was kept in a cell for two years, I couldn’t exactly talk, let alone touch, anyone can I?” he quipped.

“Right.”

“Teach me,” he said.

“What?” you whispered despite knowing what he meant.

A pause of silence. A deep intake of breath, a slow exhale.

“Teach me how to touch you,” he purred.

Fuck, you felt like exploding.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes. If you… If you want to.”

Your mind quickly tried to analyse the situation. Bruce had specifically said that Jason didn’t need any complicated matters in the relationship. It made sense. You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason with any confusion or uncertainty.

But at the same time, you’ve been figuring out how Jason thought, bit by bit. He’s told you many times that he just wanted to be normal again, to feel normal, to do normal things. And this was something that was normal, that he should do, that he wanted to do.

And you knew that he probably would take the rejection even worse.

“O-Okay,” you agreed.

Slowly, you separated your thighs, raising the one on top and hooking it over his legs behind you. Due to your shift in position, you felt the minute Jason’s fingers dip slightly into your folds.

“So, uh, this is my first time with a guy as well,” you squeaked, “But I’ll try to guide you.”

You licked your lips.

“Uhm, well, I guess you can start by running a finger up and down between my- oh! Yes, just like that.”

His middle finger slid down to your opening, and then up again slowly. His movements were uncertain, brushing only slightly against your clit unintentionally.

It was different, having someone else touch you. Somehow, despite the inexperience, it just felt better.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, “You’re so fucking wet. Do you usually get this wet?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “No? Yes? I don’t know! I can’t feel it.”

“Shit.”

You let him play with you some more, his fingers sliding up and down, sometimes pressing against your fleshy parts, sometimes circling and gathering your wetness, sometimes just parting your lips. Hell, he even tapped the tips of his fingers on you randomly or brushed into your delicate fuzz. You knew he was just exploring, feeling you for the first time.

And that thought made you smile and sigh.

“Teach me how to make you feel good,” he rasped.

“Uh, so your fingers are wet, right?”

“Yeah. Because you’re leaking all over them.”

“Okay, good. Now find my clit. It’s slightly above your finger, okay, to the left a bit. More. Okay, there! Yeah, right there,” you sighed, finally feeling that delicious pressure.

“Here?”

He tapped your clit.

“Ah!” you moaned, “Yes- but don’t just- nevermind, just gently circle it. Clockwise.”

He obeyed, and hell since when did Jason just obey?

He circled you gently, like you said. But he also went so, so slow.

“Faster, Jay,” you panted.

He went faster, making you groan in pleasure.

“Like this, sweetheart?” he muttered, his voice low and cracking, and sexy, and husky. You’ve never heard him sound like that before, and it drove you wild.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “Yeah, just like that. Fuck.”

“Feel good?”

“So good, Jay. Press a little harder now- fuck. Fuck. Yes, perfect. Just like that.”

The pressure built as his fingers did their magic.

“You- you’re surprisingly good at that,” you stuttered, “You sure- mmm- you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“Despite what you think,” he husked in your ear, warm breath tickling you. “I’m very good at following instructions.”

“I can see that.”

“But I’m also good at improvising.”

“Wha- oh. Oh. Fuck! Jason! Oh my fucking god!”

He started pressing even harder, and going even faster, throwing away the slow build you were going for and instead pushing you towards orgasm fast and hard, as if he was determined to prove something to you.

“Feel good, sweetheart?” he purred, “You gonna come soon?”

“Oh my- fuck, yes! Fuck, don’t stop!”

“You want to come for me?” his deep voice rumbled.

“Yes!”

What the hell? When did he learn how to talk like that?

Because with the mix of his heavy pants, his low voice coaxing you, his barrage of pleasure at your clit, you felt the familiar tightening of your core. You threw one hand back and found his hair. Running your fingers through them, you gripped them tight and pulled.

You pulled on his hair as he forced the orgasm onto you.

“Oh my God. Jason, I’m gonna- fuck- I’m- fuck- ah!”

You moaned loudly as you felt your walls flutter, clenching over nothing as you reached your high.

“O-okay, stop, fuck,” your hand went from his hair to his wrist, stilling him. He withdrew his hands from your pants, and went to grip you tight again by the waist.

“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” he groaned, grinding into you. You pushed your ass back, feeling his hardened length against your flesh in your post-orgasm bliss. “Jesus, that was so hot.”

“That was- yeah,” you giggled, “Fuck.”

His face was still buried in your neck. You could feel his lips on your skin.

“Uhm, I can, you know,” you sputtered, “Try to help you out?”

“It’s fine,” he breathed, body still tight against yours, “Just go to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” you asked again, feeling guilty that he didn’t get off. “I don’t mind.”

“I do,” he said, “It’s okay, sweetheart. That was great. I enjoyed that. I told you, I don’t want to come.”

“Okay,” you sighed.

“Go to bed.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

“Fuck, I’m so horny.”

“Jason,” you whined, “Really, I can help-”

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, “Goodnight.”

You pursed your lips.

“Goodnight.”

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Stuck in reverse - pt 2

Neil x Reader

Chapter 2 : I can’t go on without you

(<- see Chapter 1)

summary: how about a little catching up over coffee?

warnings: crippling guilt and anxiety, I guess.

author’s note: Neil ordering drinks is such a fun trope I just couldn’t help myself.

Anyway, let me know what you think!

---

“...one black coffee”- Neil pointed at himself and then pointed at you -”and one almond milk latte with double espresso, thank you.”

You groaned and rolled your eyes. “You are unbelievable,” you said, trying to decide if you were more amused or offended.

“What?” he scoffed, his brows furrowed.

“You just assumed that nothing’s changed over the years.”

He placed a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, did you want to order something different?”

Then the corner of his lips twitched.

Of course he was messing with you. You suddenly felt the urge to punch him.

You shook your head and laughed. “No, that’s exactly what I wanted, but you knowing that is creeping me out a bit.”

“I still remember what you like, what’s so weird about that?” he asked with an amused smirk.

You didn’t have an answer. The fact that he knew how you liked your coffee warmed your heart. You forgot that he always tried to remember little details about the people he cared about, or maybe you convinced yourself that he never cared that much about you in the first place. It probably wasn’t fair, but it made your decision to disappear easier back then. You cleared your throat.

“So how you’ve been?”

As Neil was filling you in on the main events of the last years, you realized that it felt like you just missed a week of each other’s lives, not a decade. Not because the last 10 years were uneventful, far from it, actually, but that old connection between you seemed to be intact. You used to be joined at the hip, as your mother used to say, at least until you introduced him to-

“And how’s Nikki?” the question just spurted out of your mouth and suddenly you felt like you were drowning.

The way they looked at each other at that party.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me he is such a cutie?”

“Tell me more about her.”

“Do you think he likes me?”

“Should I buy her flowers?”

“It’s our three month anniversary!”

“She asked me to move in with her.”

“Hey, we’re going out tonight, wanna join us?”

“She really makes me happy, you know.”

… “No new messages.”

Enough. What's happened, happened. Breathe.

Maybe he didn’t notice.

Neil frowned, suddenly finding his cup of coffee very interesting. His posture tensed for a few seconds, but then he shrugged and looked back at you. “She’s fine, I think? I haven’t seen her in years, to be honest.”

“Neil, I’m so sorry...wanna talk about it?” you said quietly, cursing internally at yourself for upsetting him. Why did you have to bring her up, damn it.

“There’s not too much to talk about,” he sighed and gave you a weak smile. “Turned out we weren’t that compatible after all, so we kinda drifted apart.”

“Oh, I see.”

So did you. Your vision got blurry. You bit your lower lip to stop it from trembling. Was trying to mend your broken heart worth not being there for him? Your chest clenched painfully.

You’ve never told him how you really felt, after all.

His gentle touch on you hand made you hold your breath for a second.

“Everything all right?”

Classic Neil, always ready to forget about his own problems the second he spots someone in trouble.

“No, yeah, sorry,” you tried to laugh it off, shaking your head. You turned your palm over so you could squeeze his fingers reassuringly. “The caffeine is taking its sweet time to kick in and I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

The blue eyes were scanning you, it was pretty clear he wasn’t going to drop it that easily.

“Does it happen often?...The sleepless nights, I mean.”

Lying is standard operating procedure, the familiar voice echoed in your head.

“Nah, those last few months have been hectic,” you mumbled. “I just need a couple of days off to get them out of my head, that’s all.” You hated lying to him, but you simply didn’t want him to worry.

Neil’s thumb lightly stroked your fingers. “I’m here if you need anything,” he said softly.

The warm sensation near your heart told you more than you were ready to acknowledge at that moment.

You looked into his eyes and smiled. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

The waitress came back to clear your table so you let go of his hand, cringing at yourself. Get yourself together. Meanwhile Neil glanced at his phone and his expression changed, any leftover seriousness being replaced by excitement.

“You know what? Wheeler is gathering a group for some sort of camping retreat this weekend. What do you think?”- his eyes lit up -“That crispy air in the morning, long hikes, bathing in the river, dramatic sunsets over the mountains-”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how animated that idea made him. “-a guitar playing near the campfire in the evenings-” you chimed in, giggling. Oh, why the hell not.

The loud noise from his phone made you both jump at your seats.

“Perfect,” Neil sighed and picked up. “What’s up? Yeah, how do you-” - he shot you a quick look -”...no, Jesus! Sure, I know which one. Okay, send me the details, we’re gonna be there.” He hung up and gazed at you, puzzled. “That was Ives, he needs us tonight.”

Then your phone buzzed. New email notification flashed on the screen: “Re: A little party never killed nobody”.

You raised your eyebrow as your read through the mission brief.

“Just like old times, huh?”

(Chapter 3 ->)

[thejollyroger-writer]

One for the Books (1/1)

SUMMARY:  Killian Jones is a grad student who works for the Storybrooke University Library. He's searching for some lost books, last checked out by the elusive Teaching Assistant Emma Swan -- and when he goes to find them, he finds a lot more than he bargained for.

Rated G // 5.6k // on AO3

Thanks to @shireness-says​ for always cheering me on

Some interested folks: @kmomof4​ @let-it-raines​ @thisonesatellite​ @scientificapricot​ @ohmightydevviepuu​ @pepperspotts​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @teamhook​ @ultraluckycatnd​

-- -- --

to: eswan@storybrookeu.edu

from: kjones@storybrookeu.edu

August 20 10:14am

Dear Miss Swan, 

I hope this email finds you well. My name is Killian Jones, and I am the new records and collections graduate assistant for the Storybrooke University Library. I am writing to you today because, according to our records, there are quite a few volumes from our library that you have borrowed and never returned. You will, of course, not be fined for these items; I am simply reaching out to make sure that they are still in your possession, and to ask that you kindly bring them to the library to return or renew as necessary. The list of items is as follows: 

 Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 1953, Volume I. 

Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 1953, Volume IV.

Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 1953, Volume VII. 

Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 1953, Volume X.

Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 1953, Volume XXI. 

Freud, Sigmund. The Standard Edition of Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 1953, Volume XXIII. 

Leuven University Press, Sexuality and Psychoanalysis: Philosophical Criticisms, 2010. 

Moore, Burness E. Psychoanalysis: The Major Concepts, 1995. 

 If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to reach out to me in any of the ways listed below. 

Thank you, 

Killian Jones, 

Records and Collections, Storybrooke University 

Gold Library, rm. 120A // 545-1212

to: eswan@storybrookeu.edu

from: kjones@storybrookeu.edu

September 23 2:46 pm

 Dear Miss Swan, 

I hope the first few weeks of the semester have gone well for you. I am following up with my previous email, where I sent a list of volumes from our university library that have been checked out under your name. We now have a graduate student writing on psychoanalysis and he is hoping to utilize a few of the volumes you have checked out over the next few weeks. If you would be able to return these items to the library at your earliest convenience, we would greatly appreciate it; even if they have been misplaced, we would still like for you to come and fill out the paperwork so this student can request them from another library. I am in my office every day from 8-3 for you to do this, or I could send you the form for you to print and return. Again, if you have any questions, please reach out. 

 Thank you, 

Killian Jones

Records and Collections, Storybrooke University 

Gold Library, rm. 120A // 545-1212

to: eswan@storybrookeu.edu

from: kjones@storybrookeu.edu

September 29 8:36 am

 Miss Swan, 

I am writing once again to inquire about the Freud volumes checked out of the library under your name. Since there is a graduate student waiting for them, and since we are unable to request copies from another library until they are officially marked as missing, I would appreciate your response in regards to these items. If it would be easiest for you, I will gladly come to your office to retrieve them. 

 Killian Jones

Records and Collections, Storybrooke University 

Gold Library, rm. 120A // 545-1212

Killian slams his laptop shut with a huff, then runs his fingers through his hair. “This damned psychology professor,” he mumbles, though he realizes when he hears Dr. French’s laugh coming from her office that the door between them is wide open.

Oops. 

“She’s not a professor, you know."

"Pardon?" he asks, mostly because the humming of his mind was much louder than his advisor's comment.

"Emma Swan," Belle says, and Killian leans back in his chair so he can see her. "She's not a professor. She's a TA for Dr. Hopper."

"A TA should still know to respond to emails and return books to the library."

Belle laughs again. "Well, you're not wrong."

"So what do you suggest our next move is?"

Belle pushes her chair away from her desk and steps out into the open area where Killian's desk resides, then leans against the doorframe. "If we didn't have a grad student looking for them, I’d say just let it go. But for the sake of Mr. Mills, might I suggest visiting her office during her posted office hours?” 

This is just about the very last thing Killian wants to do, despite offering to pick the books up in his last email. If she wasn't watching him, if she was still sitting in her office, he would have held his head in his hands, wishing for any other option. Six years in the naval reserve he can handle, but trying to get books from enthusiastic academics? He does a much better job with his head buried behind the computer screen, politely (or, if the case requires, slightly passive-aggressively) asking them to return books or to come talk to Belle.

But he knows he can't get out of this one, not when there's a bright lad like Henry Mills relying on him. “When? It’s been a month since the first email, and almost a week since the second.” 

Belle squints her eyes to look at the calendar hanging behind him. “Today is what, Tuesday? If she doesn’t get back to you by Monday, I would go to her first office hours of the week. Those usually have fewer students.” 

He just nods, but when she returns to her office, he does hide his face in his hands. 

The days pass like calendar pages flying off, cartoonishly, all with no response from the elusive Emma Swan. Every time he hears the ping of his email notification, he hopes it is a response from her, stopping him from the embarrassment he knows will ensue on Monday morning, at her 10:00 office hour. 

But alas, Monday comes with no response from her, and he tries to hold his head high and he knocks on the door to her office. 

He doesn’t know what he expects to find on the other side of her door, but the bright green eyes and high golden ponytail is certainly not it. He had a whole speech in his head, practiced while driving and in the shower, demanding the Freud volumes back for the sake of Mr. Mills — but the face that greets him erases all of his carefully-practiced words in one fell swoop. 

Absolutely speechless. 

A few moments pass without him uttering a word, after which she raises a single, perfect eyebrow at him. “Can I help you?” 

He clears his throat, trying to put some of the confidence back in his posture — and trying to slow the quickening pace of his heart, even as he feels it in his throat. “Yes. Uh, hi. You don't know me, but I’m Killian Jones, from the—” 

She cuts him off with a breath of a laugh and a hand held up between them. “You’re from the library.” It's not a question, but he nods anyway. “You’re here for Freud.” 

His confidence deflates. “Uh, yeah,” he mutters. 

She cocks her head to the side. "You're older than I expected." 

Now he is dumbstruck once again. Absolutely speechless, save the weak "Pardon?" that comes out as barely more than an exhale. 

But she ignores him, turning away from him, though she leaves the door to her office wide open behind her, so he steps through it and into her small space. The entire room is lined with bookshelves save the space that her small desk takes up and the two filing cabinets beside it. 

He realizes in this moment, watching her scan her shelves for the missing items, why he is suddenly so tongue-tied, why his practiced speech flew out the metaphoric window the moment she opened her office door: she's beautiful, without a doubt the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, from her shining emerald eyes to the confidence that seems to exude from her very being, attractive in ways beyond the physical, ways that he can not even begin to explain. 

"I really appreciate your coming all the way across campus to find these," she says, starting to pull books off one of the higher shelves. "I've been out the past two weeks at a couple conferences, and I forwarded the list of items to a friend of mine in hopes that he could come and pick them up, but it appears he's as bad at doing favors as he is in bed." 

Killian feels the tips of his ears turning red even as she immediately spins on her heel, covering her face with her free hand. 

"Oh my god," she mutters. "I'm — I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud." 

Killian does the only thing his body allows him to and laughs, though every neuron in his brain screams at him to stop. 

Thankfully, she joins in, and for a moment, he can swear that her smile actually brightens her dark office, that her laugh brightens his dark life. 

"Neal Cassidy, ladies and gentlemen," she says between laughs, which only causes them to laugh harder. "Altogether grossly incompetent." 

Killian is glad he's never heard of this man before; he's not sure how he would have handled it if he had. 

"Anyway," she says after taking a few deep breaths to try to calm herself. She turns back to the bookshelf to add a few more items to the pile in her arm, but one of them almost falls to the ground. It happens in a flash, really: Killian rushes to try to catch it, though the pile in her arms also begins to topple, and his ankle catches hers as she tries to stop the books from falling — and just like that, they're both on the floor, surrounded by volumes of Freud's Complete Works, Standard Edition. 

"Sorry," he mumbles, reaching towards the book that is closest to him only to find that it's one titled Sexuality and Psychoanalysis. 

The irony of it doesn't stop his embarrassment from reddening his cheeks once more. 

"What the hell is happening in here?" another voice asks, and they both realize there's someone standing in the doorway to her office. "Ems, who is this guy?" 

"Oh my god," Emma mutters, moving onto her knees, and he uses the bookshelf to quickly pull himself up so he can help her to her feet. "What do you want, Neal?" she asks, avoiding his question entirely. 

Neal? Killian wonders if it's the same Neal she mentioned before, but he pushes the thought away when he finds himself wondering just how good in bed this man can be by the looks of him. 

(A bit Freudian? He would say so.)

"I just wanted to bring you some coffee," he says, a hint of anger in his voice as he holds up one of the to-go cups he is holding. "Only to find you on the floor of your office with some guy." 

Killian is suddenly overcome with an unexplainable anger, something he knows he has been trained to repress — but here, he feels incapable. 

Thankfully, Emma speaks first, crossing her arms over her chest, and he takes the time she uses to speak to calm himself, seeing that she is fully capable of handling her own battles. "I've told you so many times, Neal, I don't even drink coffee. And not that I have to explain myself to you, but it was an accident. I dropped some books and…” She falters, realizing she never learned his name, but continues past it:  “... he was just helping me pick them up, which wouldn't have been necessary had you come to my office last week and taken them to the library like I asked." 

(That answers that question, he thinks; then, My God, I have to get out of here.)

"I really should go," Killian mutters, his anger replaced with embarrassment, and he focuses his energy on picking up the books from the floor, trying to wish the obvious signs of embarrassment off of his face. 

"Yeah, you should," Neal spits. 

Killian would swear, looking back on this moment, that he could feel Emma's anger in this moment, swelling like a balloon and filling her small office, almost radiating off of her. 

"No, Neal," she says, crossing the space between herself and the door before pushing her hands against his chest and expelling him into the hallway. "You should leave." 

And then she slams the door in his face. 

A beat passes, Killian focused on the rise and fall of Emma's shoulders, though she is still facing the door. When she turns around, there is a smile plastered across her face, but he also notices the shine of held-back tears in her eyes.  

"Sorry," she mumbles, and Killian struggles to find a way to change the subject to anything except what he just witnessed, but finds himself unable to speak once more. "It's just — he's…" She takes a breath, sitting down on the extra chair opposite the one behind her desk, and she hangs her head. "This whole thing was a mistake, really." For a moment, Killian thinks she's talking about him, his stomach turning violently with the thought that something he did caused this goddess this much pain — but then she continues. "I never should have… when I met him at the bar, I didn't even think that he could work at the university, even if he works for maintenance. I'm usually much smarter than that, I swear, but it was the beginning of summer and most of the students were gone and I finally had some free time to myself, so I just wanted to—" 

She turns her eyes up at him, the moisture that's filled them threatening to run down her cheeks, but he's in the seat across from her in an instant, his own hand reaching out to cover hers. He's terrified, afraid that he's made the wrong move — that he's no different than the asshole she just had to kick out of her office. 

But then she smiles. 

"You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to," he says, the words as soft and honest as he is able to make them. 

He only hopes it's enough. 

She nods, pulling her hand away from his to wipe the bottom of her eyelids, and the last thing he expects is for her to return her hand to his — but that's exactly what she does, and he can swear his heart does a little happy dance against his ribs. "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing," she says softy, smiling down at where their hands are touching on the desk. Killian shakes his head in disagreement, but she doesn't see it, shaking away another soft, embarrassed smile. "And Freud thought the women he saw were crazy." 

For what feels like the millionth time since he knocked on the door to her office mere minutes ago, he has absolutely no clue how to read her. 

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" he asks, though he immediately regrets it, watching her face fall. 

"If that's what you want…" she says, letting her words fade before finishing the thought. 

No, he realizes, and the thought rejuvenates him; he sits up straighter, he can feel his blood flow faster, can feel his heart pound with a little more confidence. 

(Christ, Jones, heartbeats don't have confidence.) 

"That's not what I want." 

"Good," she whispers, the smile returning to her face. “Because he might — knowing him, he’ll probably come back, and I don’t really want to deal with that quite yet.” 

“Well, I’ll just stay here until you feel comfortable again.” 

“Thanks.” 

A beat passes, and Killian realizes for the first time just how awkward this whole situation is. Thankfully, Emma seems to be much better at small talk than he is: 

“So, tell me something about yourself…” She trails off again, and this time, Killian offers her his name. 

“Killian. Jones.” She nods, a soft smile spreading across her face, and he continues. “But I’m, uh, just starting the lib sci grad program, and I came here since my brother knows Belle pretty well.” 

“If you don’t mind my asking,” she mumbles, looking up from the desk that sits between them. “You look a little old for a first-year grad student.” 

“That’s not technically a question, love,” he jokes. “But yeah, you’re right. I’m not technically what they call a traditional student. I got my bachelor’s all over the world in the naval reserves, but decided to settle down for my masters.” 

She huffs out a laugh. “In Storybrooke?” 

“There’s a base not too far from here where my brother works. I was done with traveling, done with the hustle and bustle of cities, and this just seemed like the perfect place for me to be.” She hums. “What about you, Swan?” 

She shrugs, and for a moment, Killian thinks this is going to be her only response. The silence of the room becomes deafening for one — two — three beats of his heart, but then she opens her mouth to speak. “I never had any roots, and I just wound up in Storybrooke. College was the first time I was able to make decisions for myself, and I just… Stuck around, I guess. I changed my major three times, got two master’s degrees, and I think Archie — I mean, Dr. Hopper’s going to keep me here once I get my PhD.” She sighs. “Sorry, that was a lot.” 

“Well, I mean, we are stuck here.” 

She laughs, but another silence fills the small office. This one lasts longer than the last, Emma even going so far as to chew on the cuticle of her thumb, her gaze traveling around the room instead of looking at him. 

Killian, for some reason, can only think of the man that they’re in this situation because of — Neal. He knows that different people are attracted to different things, and he… Well, with no better way to think of it, he could think of nothing about the man they saw that was even slightly attractive. Sandy brown hair, average build, average… Average everything, really. 

“Can I ask you something?” he says, not even meaning to break the silence around them. 

She hums, though her attention still seems to be outside the small window behind him. 

“Why him?” 

“What?” She sounds angry, but also something else. Killian kind of believes it’s humored. He hopes it’s humored. 

“That guy. Neal? He’s — well, not to be crass, love, but he seems like he’s kind of a bastard.” 

She laughs. Not just a huff, not just a breath, but a real, straight-from-the-belly laugh. And it lasts for a while, longer than Killian feels like it should have, though he’s certainly not complaining. It’s a beautiful sound, a lovely sound, a sound that (almost literally) brings light to his life. Nothing bad can happen when that sound is around him. 

(Christ, Killian, pull yourself together.) 

“Damned if I know.” 

“Well, what do you look for in a guy?” he asks, not even meaning for it to sound as… well, as desperate as he realizes it does. 

“Why?” she laughs. “Are you interested?” 

Shit. He already feels the tips of his ears reddening, his cheeks growing warm with embarrassment that he has no defense against. "Uh, I mean—" he tries, and he could swear that his chest is radiating heat. "That's not — I didn't—" he stammers, and she laughs again. Sure, he's an absolute idiot, no way to hide his embarrassment from the beautiful woman sitting across the desk from him, but just hearing the sound of her laugh again makes him feel better, even if it is at his own expense. 

"Relax," she says, reaching out to touch his hand again, and she offers him a soft smile. "Besides, there really isn't any rhyme or reason to it anyway." He has just started to relax, his heart pounding a little lighter and his body temperature returning to a normal number, when she asks, "Why, what about you, Jones? What do you look for in a woman?"

Beautiful, brilliant blonde goddesses like yourself, he thinks. 

For what he could swear is the longest moment of his life, he's unsure of whether he only thought it or not. 

And then, she's leaning across the desk, her hand wrapping around the back of his neck to pull his lips to meet hers. 

It's far from his first kiss; he's been in the company of enough women to know his way around one. But for some reason, this moment, this woman in particular, catches him off-guard, and he is only able to focus on the soft warmth of her, the feel of her lips against his and her hand on the back of his neck, her fingers sliding up into the longer hair at the base of his neck. He's frozen, unable to respond in any way beyond simply opening his lips slightly to her — 

Until he pulls away, cursing himself even as he does it, especially once he sees the terror in her shining green eyes, so obviously wondering if she has done something wrong. 

"I, uh… thanks," he stutters, running his fingers through his hair as he jumps up from her desk chair. "I, uh, I really have to go." 

As quickly as he is able, he removes himself from her office, though he shows enough self-restraint to not take off down the hallway at a full sprint even though it is what every bone in his body wants him to do. 

It’s not until he’s out of the building that he takes a moment to slow down and really realize what he has just done, ifsting his hair with both of his hands. 

“Oh, Killian, you absolute idiot!” 

He wants to scream, and if he weren’t surrounded by undergrads who he knows are already judging him, he just might. 

An idiot. An absolute dunce. Why did it have to be this week that Liam is training in Rhode Island? Why now, when the thing Killian needs the most is advice from his older brother? 

Okay, not most; the thing he needs most is to go back a mere minute and not run away from the girl who kissed him. 

But he can’t do that. And even just walking back up to her office would be too embarrassing, too much for him. So he does the only thing he can do, and continues down the sidewalk and back to the library. 

(It’s not until he’s back in his office, with Belle eyeing him questionably, that he realizes he came back empty-handed.)

 She spends most of the afternoon wondering what to do. She knows she acted out of turn, knows she made a mistake, but there was just something about him, not an innocence, per se, but something… different. Something that sets him apart from most, if not all, of the men she finds herself in the company of. 

For one, he didn’t seem like a total idiot, unlike the majority of men whose beds she tended to find herself in. Even in the little time she spent with him, she could tell that he was different, and she liked it. She liked that he saw her as a person, with a brain and a personality, and not just as body parts, not just as a vessel that could provide pleasure. Even the men she meets at conferences have all been assholes, men like Walsh ___ who feignd interest in her presentation just to come waltzing up to her afterward and ask her to dinner — which he just talked through, barely giving her a chance to speak. 

But Killian, from what she could tell, is nothing like Walsh. Or like Neal, who keeps ignoring her refusals and turning up at her office. (She’s glad she went back to his apartment and not the other way around, because she fears what he may have done had he known where she lived.) 

Killian, who came all the way across campus to retrieve books from her office, agreed to stay to keep her company, and then she kissed. Like an idiot. She saw the way he got flustered when she started to flirt with him and it got to her. Was it an overreaction? Maybe. But there were definitely alternatives to taking that sort of action against someone whose shyness was apparent all morning. 

She gets nothing done for the rest of the day. The piles of ungraded papers that cover her desk taunt her, but every time she picks up her pen and starts to read, her mind begins to wander immediately — to Killian, to his response to her. Wondering if she made a mistake that she can never fix. Wondering if he is sitting in his office, unable to work, only able to think about her. (Maybe even hoping for this one?) 

The screensaver on her desktop tells  her it’s 2:23. Literal hours have passed since Killian left, and she has accomplished nothing. 

Tapping her password out on the keyboard, she pulls up her university email and types his name in the search box, hoping that one of his previous emails answers her question. She vaguely remembers seeing the hours he’s in his office in one of them, she just needs to figure out which one. 

Bingo. 

“8-3,” she says to her empty office. She should stay, should at least try to accomplish something after being gone for almost two weeks, but she knows it is useless. So she grabs her red leather jacket off the back of her chair, locks her office door behind her, and makes her way out of the building. 

(When she gets to the steps, she realizes she has left the library books behind, just as Killian had when he left earlier that day. With a huff, she turns around, stuffs them in one of her tote bags, and leaves her office once more.) 

Pushing through the library doors, she realizes that she’s been at this university for upwards of ten years, and never learned where the Records and Collections Office is. She knows Killian included his office number in his signature, but finding that would take more time than she wants to spend, so she approaches the desk. 

“Can I help you?” The student who sits behind the desk catches her attention for a moment, a tall male, probably in his mid-20’s, with blond hair with a pink tinge to it, wearing a dark purple satin shirt and matching purple eyeliner in perfect, identical wings. His name tag reads Tyler. 

“Uh, yeah,” she says, hoisting the canvas bag higher on her shoulder. “I’m looking for the Records and Collections Office?” 

He offers her a smile. “Sure! Room 120. Up the stairs, to the left, all the way down.” 

She returns his smile, doing her best not to just run off to find what she came here for. “Thanks.” 

The room that houses the main collection seems much larger than the open area that fills the same space the floor below it, and with every shelf she passes, she feels like three more come into view. But, finally, a row of doors come into view, with the words “RECORDS AND COLLECTIONS” hanging on the wall above them. 

119. 121. 

Didn’t Tyler say 120? 

She tries 121, knocking softly though the door is wide open. She is greeted by a younger girl, most likely an undergrad, with one side of her head shaved and the rest of it pulled into a braid that hangs over her shoulder. “What can I do for you?” 

“Uh, I’m looking for Killian Jones? I thought they said it wa room 120, but—” 

“Yeah, they can’t seem to number rooms in a way that makes sense around here. You have to go through room 119 to find Killian and Dr. French. I don't think Zoe's in her office, so room 119 should be empty." 

"Thanks." 

Room 119 is, in fact, empty, but the door inside, the one with Killian's name on it, is closed. 

She takes a deep breath, hoisting the bag of books up again, and knocks on the door. She wonders if this is how Killian felt knocking on her door that morning, with her heart pounding in her throat. Probably not, she tells herself, breathing out a laugh to try to calm her nerves. 

"Come in!" his voice calls, and she can feel her heartbeat in every cell of her body. 

What the hell, Emma. 

But when she grabs the door knob, she realizes that at least part of her nervousness is valid, because for all the time she spent sitting in her office thinking about their earlier interaction, she has given zero thought to what she's going to say to the man on the other side of the door. 

Too late now. 

Deep breath. 

And she opens the door. 

He looks as flustered as she feels, with his hair standing in all directions, as if he's been tugging at it and running his fingers through it. The thin-framed glasses perched on his nose just add to the ensemble, his bright blue eyes already wide through them, and they only widen more when he sees her standing in the doorway. 

"Hey." 

He blinks. Then again, as if trying to convince himself that she's really there. That may be exactly what he's doing. "Swan," he breathes, one corner of his lips ticking up in a smile. "Hi."

She holds up the bag full of books, offering him a small smile. "I think you're looking for these." 

He returns the smile, but it disappears after just a moment. "Well, I thank you, love, but you didn't have to bring them all this way." 

"It was the least I could do after all the trouble someone went through to pick them up this morning." 

"You could have dropped them off downstairs." 

It's now that she realizes that just because she wanted to see him again, he doesn't necessarily feel the same way, and that could explain his cold responses to her. 

She lets her smile fall. "I could have."

"Why didn't you?" The question is simple enough, straight and to the point. 

"Christ, Killian," she huffs, letting her anger get the best of her. "I didn't come here to return the books."

"Then why did you come?" 

"I wanted to apologize," she says, dropping the bag of books on his desk — and when she opens her mouth to speak again, the words tumble out like a waterfall, unable to be stopped. "I could tell I made you uncomfortable and I've been sitting in my office all day, wishing I did something differently, but since I can't go back, I decided the least I could do to make up for it was to bring you these books and ask you if you wanted to go to dinner with me, but obviously you and I aren't on the same page, so—" She shrugs, throwing her arms in the air, and turns away from his desk. 

There's a shuffle from behind her, but it's not until he says, "Yes! Yes, okay," that she turns back around, realizing that he's stood up. 

"What?" 

"Dinner. With — with you," he stammers. "That's — I want that." 

Again, she just says, "What?" but this time it's paired with the beginnings of a smile. 

"I've been thinking about what happened all day. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, even with everything I was supposed to be doing." 

She takes another step towards him, her smile growing. Finally, he returns it with one of his own. "Yeah?" 

"Aye." 

Rocking back on her heels, she looks down at her watch. "It's only 3:00." 

He laughs, already seeming much more relaxed than he has been since she opened the door to his office. "I suppose it is.” 

Their gazes meet for a moment. She raises her eyebrow. He clicks his tongue. 

“I, uh, didn’t really eat lunch,” she says with a smile. 

“Ah,” he replies, returning her smile as he scratches the back of his ear. “You see, I was also a little distracted, but I am almost off the clock.” 

“Good,” she whispers, setting herself in the seat next to his door. “I’ll just wait.” 

He nods, sitting back down in his office chair. He is able to check her books in, then sends an email to Henry Mills to tell him he can come get the books whenever — but he is more distracted by having her in his office than he was all day when she was just on his mind. After every few words, his attention leaves the computer screen and travels to where she is sitting, scrolling on her cell phone. 

And every time he looks at her, he smiles. 

It’s only a few minutes before he logs off his computer, accidentally startling her when he pushes his chair away from the desk. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, pulling his jacket on over his sweater. “I’m ready now, though.” 

 Their first pizza date quickly becomes a regular occurence, sharing lunches in their offices on days they don’t go off campus. It’s two weeks before Killian is bothered they haven’t been on a “proper date,” and he picks her up from her apartment with flowers, which she keeps in a vase in her office. 

But, most importantly, she never forgets to return a library book again — especially the next year, when she and Killian move into a small house near the campus. 

Together. 

[andreils-keys]

kay so ive been taking prompts from my instagram and

why would you tell me not to kill one and if i do to bring him back please you’re taking all the joy out of writing >:(

anyways lets get into it <3 (tw: small mention of domestic abuse)

(disclaimer yes i am a kandreil shipper :))

andrew is cursed in the same way blue was sort of where if he tells someone that he loves them they’ll die (yes i changed it a bit)

but instead of doing the whole 'you're cursed zap magic' thing (bc i don't think it'd fit very well in the aftgverse) im gonna try something else             

andrew had some pretty shitty foster homes when he was young

but the worst one was a small house by a family-owned ice cream shop

he remembers the ice cream shop very vividly. it was where he went when his foster mother was out working or drinking. it was where he went to feel safe.

he was pretty young, maybe 4 ? 5 ? impressionable. in that stage where santa claus and the boogie man were real, where hiding under a blanket protected you from nightmares. (he learned pretty quickly that hiding under the blanket did not protect you from anything.

he was bashed and battered with fists and words, words that cursed his very being and proclaimed that to love him was to die.

he was so young

he was only a child

and he did what children do best

he believed        

there was a time when he doubted

another foster parent, a run down house made beautiful with love and mismatched furniture

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

finally, he let himself love

he let his foster mother in, little by little, and he thought: maybe im not a curse

and he said: i love you

the day after, she died in a car crash

the car brutalized

her body brutalized

his heart brutalized

coincidence? he says out loud at the entrance of another foster home. because it needs to be said. because lies always become crystal clear when said out loud.      

bc of this he's never directly expressed love for anyone and he tends to distance himself from people just to make sure there's 0 risk of him causing someone's death

but if he does care for someone he shows this through actions (no i love yous because that's what he believes caused his foster mothers death)            

he's always had people he's cared about, people he's wanted to protect and keep safe

but ever since the car crash, hes never had anyone hes wanted to say i love you to     

until     

[enter kevin day]         

the first person that consumed him was kevin, the boy that sought him out in high school with desperation in his eyes, raving about a sport that had made andrews days in juvie a little more bearable. 

the man that always appeared on television with a cardboard smile stamped onto his face, always a step behind riko moriyama, always hiding in his shadow.

the man that inexplicably made yet another appearance in andrews life, this time with a shattered hand and a plea for help.

the man that pushed and pulled andrew just enough to get him through another day, another week.        

and then neil, so different from kevin and yet so alike, as sudden as a gunshot, as tantalizing as death. 

the boy that's as invested in riko and kevin as andrew is. 

the boy that is impenetrable and distrusting, the boy that lets no one in. 

at first andrew thinks he's safe. as long as neil doesn't let anyone in, that means andrew won't have to let him in. and kill him.

aha sike. turns out neil is the trusting-no-one-but-andrew-minyard-and-kevin-day type           

the three of them form a twisted complicated pyramid; each side leaning against the other two. immovable. strong. inseparable, unless andrew deliberately pushes himself away when the feeling ballooning in his chest is too much.

(although he will always get pulled back in. the gravity of neil and kevin is too strong for andrew to stay away.)

he promises to protect them because that's what he does for the people he cares about.

but falling in love is a whole other ball game.

andrew is so afraid.

afraid to love them, afraid to let them in.

he knows he can't allow it; every time he thinks of how much he feels for them, he remembers the car, the shattered windows, the pieces of glass tipped with blood.

but andrew is only human.

even if he tells himself not to fall in love, the heart and body tend to ignore the mind.

he let’s himself be selfish

the hard press of kevin's lips against his, the gentle tug of neils fingers threaded through his hair, a hand clamped against neils neck and the other gripping kevin's arm.

that is all andrew allows

he doesn't mind if kevin and neil go gallivanting off somewhere on their own (s a f e l y; if those idiots get taken by the yakuza it would be extremely inconvenient for andrew)((andrew: dammit now i have to save them from the mafia nicky: you don't have t- andrew: no im gonna)), even if it prods unpleasantly at a sensitive point in his heart. if they're happy, hes happy. 

(well, not quite happy. satisfied is the proper word. and he supposes that's the most he can ask for.)       

he doesn't tell them about the nightmares. the dreams of fire and blood and twisted metal, of fists and a curse and a small, dark room. more often than not neil will wake to find andrew sliding out of his bunk and going to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

neil won't pry, but he'll wake kevin and they'll join andrew in the kitchen, standing on the other side of the counter from andrew with their shoulders pressed together, a reminder to each other and andrew that they are there for each other.         

and then neil disappears. like a dream. like smoke. 

andrew took his eyes off neil for one second, and neil vanished in the crowd of angry fans.

they search and search but neil is gone.

all they find is neils exy racket lying on the ground in pieces, broken from the stampede of fans.

andrew whispers, the words dredged from a desperate, vulnerable place inside him: i love you. neil, i love you. come back to me. come back to kevin. come back to us.     

the next day, the fbi tells them that they found neils gym bag. it was covered with tire tracks and spattered with blood.

they couldn’t find neil.    

and the pyramid falls.

the grief and guilt and heartbreak andrew feels is unparalleled. never has he felt so broken. never has he felt so dirty. he did this. he did this.

kevin insists neil is still alive. lost and floating, but alive

but andrew knows better.

his nightmares get worse. sprinkled in with the mauled car and heavy fists is a shattered exy stick, a gym bag dripping blood, an unreachable figure with red hair and a slash of a smile.

andrew spirals. 

he refuses to speak to anyone. even kevin. he'll stay with kevin and press his palm into the side of kevin's neck, his pulse grounding andrew and keeping him in the here and now, but he will not speak.    

cabeswater brought gansey back right and i feel like the one closest to magic would be renee (thank you neils jortventures fairy magic huzzah) except she doesn't use magic. 

so remember how she was affiliated with a gang when she was young 

there was a member of the gang that continued to reach out to her, especially once they escaped from the gang a little after renee did

renee did respond to their messages, but she tried not to initiate conversation because they were part of her old life and she was living and loving her new one. 

essentially she was nice enough not to cut them out completely. 

unfortunately the kid got caught up in another gang that was closely associated with the butcher of baltimore

when nathan dies they text renee about how their gang is in pieces because the butcher is dead. 

renee isnt there to receive the message right away (she and andrew were sparring, as they were keen to do now that neil was gone and andrew was out of sorts) and kevin is the one to catch the word butcher when the notification pops up

he scrambles for renees phone and sees: the butcher is dead.

he is so relieved because the butcher, the man kevin always had to fear and avoid, is dead

and then he starts to think

neil’s father was the butcher. does this have something to do with neil? was the butcher the one that took neil? if the butcher is dead, does that mean neil is still alive?

it’s a bit of a stretch, but kevin is willing to believe anything if it means that neil is alive

he tells andrew

he doesn't expect andrew to do anything but he still wants to tell him, just so that andrew will know, just so that kevin himself can taste the words.

kevin asks renee if they can reach out and she's like wtf y'all doing going through my phone but she understands how hard it hit them, andrew especially, and if it'll help them she'll go along   

they meet up with the kid

renee seems nice enough, but andrew can tell how strained she is by the way she keeps cracking her knuckles one by one

they get the info from the kid about a red haired blue eyed cut up burned kid

kevin is distraught about the cut up burned part

andrew is close to vomiting from a whirlwind of relief (they never said he was dead) and denial and fear for neil

he refuses to get his hopes up; he said the cursed words. he saw the blood on neils’s gym bag. he saw the shattered exy stick. (or was that a dream? his nightmares and reality are so tightly interwoven he can hardly tell what's real)

the kid warns kevin and andrew that the last time they saw neil was in the basement and that the probablity of him still being there is relatively low

kevin makes a sort of impatient gesture at the kid and they bring kevin and andrew to the house (renee stays behind; she made a lame excuse about needing to make a phone call but she just wanted to give them space, either to reunite with neil or grieve their loss a second time)

from the outside, it’s a nice looking house and it doesn’t look threatening in the least, but andrew knows how deceiving appearances can be

once they go inside everything is in shambles. the couch overturned, the tv screen cracked in multiple places, ceiling plaster and pieces of porcelain all over the counters and dining table

the kid points them to the basement

kevin is the first to go down

andrew is surprised mainly because kevin is usually always so careful

andrew follows more warily, afraid to find nothing, afraid to find neil; afraid to have his heart broken all over again, afraid of the prospect that he has wasted his entire life living a lie.

he reaches the basement to find kevin wrapped around a small beat up, bruised, burnt, and shivering lump.

neil is hurt and bloody, and it drives a stake through andrew’s heart, but the fact that neil is breathing and alive alive alive causes a different kind of pain, the unique pain of relief and sorrow and love swirled together.

kevin is stroking neils hair and very obviously trying not to have a panic attack and andrew goes to them

sits down

both kevin and neil look up at him, and andrew watches as some of the fear and pain in their eyes fades.

he can feel the words bubbling up and he wants to say them, to scream them, but they are stuck inside his throat, twisted around his tongue.

it is a language andrew has taught himself to unlearn.

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

it’s even easier when you have two people behind you, people who have seen what you have seen, people who make an effort to understand you.

andrew eventually does say it.

the words, no longer cursed, are still clumsy and fall in a messy jumble at his feet

but there they are, light as a cloud, heavy as a storm:

i love you

[resilientdolan]

Drown (G.D)- part 4

A/N: IM SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE FKSJSJS IVE BEEN BUSY AS HELL WITH WORK AND DEALING WITH MY SEPTOPLASTY SHIT BUT IM HERE AND FEELING BETTER!

Word-count: 1.5k

Summary: You went out to get some coffee with Ethan, which led you to find out that he knows about your crush towards Grayson. And later on, you discover something else that you don’t even want to know.

T/W: Angst

Tags: @bingexdolan aka my loyal ass reader, thanks for bearing with my ugly writing bye <3

———————————————————————

“Is he mad at me?,” Bianca mumbles before she takes a small sip of her iced latte, with her eyes locked with Ethan’s.

It’s one fine afternoon, and Bianca decided to spend some time with Ethan to catch up with him. He’s usually pretty busy, but apparently today’s her lucky day that he agreed to get some coffee with her. So here she is, with Ethan sitting in front of her. But just him, Grayson’s not coming.

Ethan tilts his head aside for a bit, with his brows scrunched. “It’s not like he’s mad... Maybe more like upset because you chose Declan,” he shrugs.

A soft sigh escapes her as she sets her plastic cup of iced latte down on the table. “But why? He knows Declan. Okay, what if— he’s no longer a douche?,” She replies.

Ethan shakes his head as he shifts his gaze from her, to the view outside the window. “You know, the point is, he doesn’t like Declan. Douche Declan, or Nice Declan, still no from him,” Ethan says.

“True, though,” She replies lazily. “Anyways, where is he?,” Again, she shifts her gaze back to Ethan.

His shoulders rise and fall into a shrug as he speaks. “It’s August 1st. Grayson and Isla’s second anniversary.”

Oh. She can feel her heart shattered into pieces as soon as he mentions that girl’s name, followed with the word ‘anniversary’.

“So they’re going out?”

Jesus, Bianca, why are you so nosy—

“Hmm, I don’t know. He mentioned about having a dinner with Isla to celebrate their anniversary, but also he’s been watching a lot of cooking shows on TV. Maybe he’s chefin’ up?,” Ethan guesses.

He’s willing to cook for his girl? God, if only that lucky girl was her.

“Such a gentleman...,” Bianca mumbles to herself. Ethan chuckles.

“So... they’re probably at your place?,” Again, she asks.

“No, I think they’re going to celebrate it at Isla’s. Mom doesn’t really like Isla and her bitchy attitude,”

“Wait, does Grayson know?,”

“He knows. Mom told him about it like few weeks ago. She told him that Isla’s vibe is just a big no, and I agree,” Ethan explains.

And he’s still keeping her? Such a gentleman, right?

Yes, but not hers.

“Anyways, thanks for helping me with the Biology last night. I finished my test real quick, thanks to you,” Ethan out of nowhere decides to change the topic.

Bianca just gives him a slight nod. “You’re welcome, I’ll try to help you as long as I can,” She shrugs.

Ethan gently taps his fingers against the cold surface of the table lying between them for a while before he finally says something that she has never expected.

“Why would Grayson choose Isla when he got you, Bi?”

Ethan—

“What do you mean?,” Bianca furrows her brows.

“Like... You’re beautiful, you’re nice, and he has known you for years, so why did he have to choose Isla over you?”

She keeps her mouth shut.

“And you’re smart. Like, you can be his tutor slash girlfriend but he ended up dating a seeking attention whore like Isla? God,” Ethan grumbles.

“Ethan—“

“Bianca, he’s dumb! He should’ve picked you instead of Isla,” he mutters.

Bianca shakes her head as she arches her brow. “What if... I’m not into your brother?”

Ethan quickly shifts his gaze back to her the moment she says it. A sarcastic chuckle comes out of his lips, followed with another unexpected thing.

“Don’t be silly, Bianca. You’ve been crushing on him all this time.”

She remains silent, shaking her head. “I told you that I’ve been talking to De—“

“My ass.” Ethan cuts her off real quick. “Yeah, like lately, but how about years ago, Bi?” he attacks her.

Silence.

“Everybody knows that you’re into Grayson. It’s not that I’m mad at you for crushing on him, but the fact that he’s acting all blind makes me sick,” Ethan doesn’t even give her a chance to defend herself.

“E...”

“Tell me I’m right,” he demands.

He knew it all. And there’s nothing she can do to cover it up anymore. Her crush towards Grayson is no longer a secret.

Bianca nods her head slowly as she brings her hand up to run her fingers through her dark locks. “Maybe we’re not meant to be, Ethan,” she mumbles.

“What if you’re actually meant to be with him?,” Again, another strike back from Ethan.

“I—I don’t know...” she mumbles. She can feel her cheek burning red and her eyes start to water.

Don’t cry, Bi.

“I believe so, but my brother’s just dumb,”

She loses it.

She brings the back of her hand up to her face to wipe the tears away, trying her best to act that Grayson and Isla ain’t shit to her, but she just can’t.

“Ethan, I want no one but him...” she sniffles. “But maybe the wait is over, I gotta move on. If he’s happy with Isla, then I deserve my happiness too,” she adds.

Ethan lets out a soft sigh as he reaches his hand out to tuck a strand of hair to the back of her ear. “Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he coos softly. “But, you know... I got your back. If you feel it’s the time to let go, then do it, Bi. I want nothing but the best for you,” he adds once again, this time, with a small smile in his face.

“We’ll see, I just hope talking to Declan can help me to move on, you know? Starting fresh...”

“I understand,” he nods.

That’s when exactly Ethan’s phone beeps. He quickly checks the latest notification popping into his phone. Turns out it’s from Lisa.

“Hey, I know a way to brighten up your mood,” he grins.

“Huh?,”

“Don’t you miss... this?,” Ethan hands his phone to her, showing a picture sent by Lisa.

Her home made cinnamon rolls. Bianca’s favorite.

“I’ll drive you home later, but right now, let’s get you some of your all time favorite one, Dolan’s home-baked cinnamon rolls,” he chuckles as he gets up from his seat.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe some cinnamon rolls can help.

———————————————————————

“Thanks, Auntie Lisa,” Bianca speaks once she finish her second roll. Lisa gives her a quick nod as she sits on the couch in the living room, joining Bianca and Ethan.

“Hey, no need to thank me. You’re just in luck,” Lisa replies, taking a small sip of her hot chamomile tea.

“Well, I think I need to thank Ethan for dragging me here, then,” Bianca nudges Ethan’s rib playfully as he leans against his seat.

“I know you love Mom’s cinnamon rolls, soo,” Ethan replies quickly.

“Anyway, Ethan, where’s Grayson?,” Lisa asks.

“At Isla’s, I think?,” the twin brother replies lazily. “It’s their anniversary, so I think they’re celebrating it there, maybe?,” he adds.

“He didn’t tell me about that,” Lisa sighs.

“Because we all don’t give a damn about him and Isla. So he thinks he has nothing to tell about when it comes to their relationship,” Ethan rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Bianca’s just there, sitting in complete silence as she tries to process the fact that Grayson keeping his relationship private from his family, all because they dislike Isla.

“He’ll come home soon, Ma. No worries. If you’re tired, get some rest, I’ll wait for him,” Ethan suggests.

“How about Bianca?,”

“Easy, I’ll drive her home later,” Ethan convinces her once again.

“Ah, alright. Let me get some rest, it’s been a tiring day,” Lisa stands up from her seat as she gives Bianca another smile. “Thanks for coming, dear,” she adds.

Bianca gives her a thumb up and a smile as she watches her heading upstairs to her room.

“Relax and have another roll if you want, Bi,” Ethan points at the last cinnamon roll on the plate. Bianca lazily shakes her head as she lean against the seat.

Her mind wanders. Thinking about him.

Grayson.

And that’s when the door opens, and she can hear the sound of a light jog.

It’s him, he’s home.

“I’m home!,” Grayson’s voice echoes.

“You didn’t tell Mom about your anniversary plan?,” Ethan replies.

Bianca chooses to remain silent, to observe his reaction at the fact she’s there post the argument night. He walks into the room and sits on the vacant spot next to Ethan, all smile.

God, there he is. Making her weak with his smile, though she doesn’t even know the reason why.

“Oh, hi, Bi!,” he finally greets her, with a cheeky grin across his lips.

“Are you on drugs or what, Bro?,” Ethan frowns.

“Why?”

“Being all happy like this? Kinda weird...,” Ethan hums.

“Just, excited about the anniversary” he replies.

Oh, one knife thrown to her chest by Grayson Bailey Dolan.

“Mhm, dinner?,” Ethan asks.

“Yeah, yeah, we cooked, and had dinner together. And I gave Isla a necklace, the one that I showed you few weeks ago, remember?,” Grayson continues.

“I do remember,” Ethan nods.

He gave her a necklace? Second knife.

“And... you know... we did it,” he lowers his voice that it nearly sounds like a whisper.

“Did what?,” Ethan’s brows furrow.

“That...” Grayson rolls his eyes, getting annoyed at Ethan being lame.

“You and Isla...,” Ethan mumbles.

“No worries, protection, bro,” Grayson replies.

Protection?

“Wait, you and Isla had...” Ethan turns his gaze to Grayson, then back to Bianca.

“Yes, Ethan. We did it,” Grayson exclaims proudly.

Third knife to her chest.

[waejinyoung]

Can’t Swim - EP . 4

word count: 9.7k+

a/n: i’m late. I’m well aware. i don’t really know what to say to be honest. i hope the episode being close to 10k words makes up for the long wait. there’s alot that goes on this episode. enjoy! we get a peak of jinyung’s pov at one point too! so exciting! no swimming lesson for today though :)

warnings: fluff shit near the end, swearing, dirtyminded stuffs, change in langugage at one point (ive placed translations too so no worries) 

EP . 1 , EP . 2 , EP . 3 , EP . 4 , EP . 5 , EP . 6 , EP .7 , EP . 8, , EP . 9

Thursday had arrived and you spontaneously called a friend who had come down to Jinhae to see if she was available midday. She happened to have some time to spare between her schedule so you two met up for brunch and a simple walk around a local park.

Thursday midday

“It’s been so long since we got to hangout Tan.”

Tan, short for Tanya, was your close friend from university. She now works in a global firm which meant she travelled quite often. You knew she was in Seoul and was going to travel to Busan for a bit. You asked if she could squeeze a bit of her day to travel to Jinhae to hangout and she was happy you offered.

“Tell me about it Y/N. You always claim that nothing had changed but I’m still going to ask. Anything new in your life? Anyone new in your life?” Tan had a smirk on her face knowing she was hitting spots that were non-existent, she thought.

“I usually answer no.” Tan’s face lit up due to the unexpected change.

“Go on…” She was getting extremely excited.

“I’ve met this guy- “

“You… MET A GUY??” Tan had absolutely lost it at this point, and she didn’t even know his name.

“Tan calm down. We’ve only known each other for a week and a half. He joined my beginners class last week.” She bursted into a loud laugh.

“You are telling me the guy you met can’t swim.”

“YA! Don’t be mean. He’s at least mustered up the courage at this age to come and learn. Some people can’t even manage to do that these days. They care too much about image.”

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect you to meet your soulmate in a swimming lesson. I thought maybe at the office- “

“You know how I’ve said I would prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone in a different sector of work. I won’t be able to stand someone from the same field of work bringing nothing new to the relationship.”

“I know, I know Y/N. You want to learn from each other rather than talk about the same topics. I understand where you are coming from.”

“But yeah. I don’t actually know what he works as. I’m meeting him tomorrow afternoon for ‘thing’ as he described it. He said I’ll be able to know then what he does then.”

“He seems really mysterious. I hope you’re not getting into something dodgy.” Tan was always protective when it came to you and guys. She knew you had a gullible and fragile personality when it came to men.

“I don’t think so. I don’t even know how to explain it. Every time I’ve been with him I’ve felt giddy and bothered. He does the bare minimum and my whole world flips- “

“Y/N”

You stop in your tracks realising that you had gotten way too ahead of yourself.

“Y/N, you sound like you’re in love. Or close in the least.”

“Tan I’ve known the guy coming up to 2 weeks.”

“Yes Y/N. I understand but you sound like you’ve known him for years and you’ve only just realised your feelings towards him. I haven’t even gotten to ask, what’s his name?”

“His name is Jinyoung. I don’t want to jump in too deep. These feelings need to be reciprocated in order for there to be progression. To him I’m probably just his swimming teacher.”

“Right, and since when did students meet their teachers outside of lesson hours and not only that basically go on dates.”

“YA don’t call them dates. We are just hanging out.”

“Hanging out my ass. He’s bringing you into his life and introducing you to his world. Enjoy the ride Y/N. He sounds like a keeper.”

“You think?” Tan nods and helps you come clear with your feelings.

You two continued with your walk in the park with Tan and settled on a bench after a while.

*ding*

You checked your phone having received a notification. It was Jinyoung.

“Hey Y/N. I hope you’re doing well. If you are still able to come for tomorrow we can meet at 7:00 pm. I’ll be waiting for you at the parking lot again.”

You hadn’t realised but you were smiling like a fool beside Tan.

“Yep, confirmed. It’s him isn’t it?”

You look up at Tan as she took you away from your little bubble. You gave her a nod.

“Y/N this is thee guy for you.”

You didn’t understand how Tan could be so sure. Yes, you have feelings for him but to claim Jinyoung as the guy for me was a little too much, right?

“How can you tell?” You were interested on what she had to say.

“You’re smiling like a 5 year old on Christmas Day. I haven’t seen you like this since you got a first in our last year of uni. This guy’s effect on you is so obvious. He can’t be empty back; I can bet on it. With me just talking about him you’re smiling like an otter.”

You hit Tan on the shoulder lightly for teasing you. You were going to be open-minded about the situation and know that anything can be possible.

“Anyways, why did he text?”

“He just let me know what time to meet up. He hadn’t mentioned it at first.”

“Good luck Y/N.”

Your day with Tan continued. You appreciated being able to catch up with an old friend. You started to feel thankful for Jooheon’s call off. You were able to do things you may have had to wait months for. Although you still wished the call off was given for a better reason.

…

Your day with Tan sadly ended earlier than you wanted, and she was off back to Busan for work.

You prepped breakfast for yourself this blissful Friday morning. You laid out a traditional Mediterranean breakfast since you now had the time. You missed it back home. To have this breakfast alone did drain it’s vibe, you were used to having these large breakfasts with your family. You took advantage of the weather and had breakfast on your balcony. The bay had to keep your company for now until you went back home.

You were caught off guard by a call from your company. You picked up.

“Miss?”

“Yes, Beck”

“We’ve got a dilemma.” You weren’t surprised.

“Go on.” You’d be shocked if something hadn’t gone wrong while you were out of office.

“The eco-hotel that was going to be built on two pieces of land- “

“What about it Beck?” Oh boy. What now?

“Another firm somehow bought one piece of land which we were going to use for the greenery requirements to pass the eco test.”

“Which firm? Beck I’m gone for a couple days and shit has hit the fan this badly?” This was the biggest project in your hands, and it was slipping right through.

“The next door firm- “

You hung up immediately. You were using all your might to not dash your phone into the sea ahead of you. Your rivalry between the next door firm had been going on for years but this time round it was going to be rougher than usual.

You rushed over to your closet and took out a navy suit alongside a simple white shirt + a pair of clear heals. With that you took your car keys and some documents to head to the company.

The speeding cameras could probably understand from the speed you were going at that something important was going on. You arrived at the entrance of your architecture office.

Yes, your full time job was as an architect.

You chucked your keys at the door keeper to park your car and dashed up to the 4th floor of the office. The whole company had turned into chaos in a matter of 2 days. All your employees were rushing around and there was around 6 people all surrounding Beck.

Beck was the second shareholder alongside you of the company. You both graduated as architects and decided to start your own firm as junior architects. Whenever one was out of office, the other covered for the both but this time round Beck was not able to handle all of this by himself.

You called out to Beck and his face changed from stressed to relieved. You and Beck moved to your office and discussed the situation working towards a solution.

A couple hours later

“Wait, Beck”

“Why can’t we just implement all the eco-factors into the hotel on one piece of land?”

Beck’s face was blanked 90% of the time until he heard your suggestion. He sighed a breath of relief.

“We can just add terraces and add green to the lobbies, outdoors and any other dead space we have.”

“You’ve done it again!” Beck rushed to hug the shit out of you. He raised you off your feet and swung you around.

“Beck, calm down!” He put you back on your feet with a large smile on his face.

“Y/N this is exactly why this company needs you?” You high five each other. A weight had lifted off both of your shoulders.

You hit Beck’s shoulder realising the rush you had been to get here.

“We could have solved this with a Facetime call. Did I really have to rush over here?”

Beck just gave a childish smile. We all knew he just wanted you to be there physically. He couldn’t be the only one suffering in the company. Even if it was for a couple of hours.

“That’s all?”

“Yep, can we not have a tea? You haven’t been at the company for days.”

You checked the time and saw it was 4:00 pm. You could spare some time for a quick tea.

“You did absolutely ruin a lovely breakfast that I had prepared at home. Tea’s on you.”

You guys walked down to ground floor to grab a tea from the company café. There was a duo table free near the entrance windows, so you guys sat there.

“Y/N. How do you manage to keep up with the projects and the swimming classes? Isn’t it too much?”

You’ve heard these questions from Beck on countless occasions. He knows the answer but just can’t process how it’s possible.

“Beck you know that the swimming classes don’t feel like a job to me. It’s so nice to share a skill with those who are unaware of it. I love seeing all the kids smile every lesson. It’s so refreshing and fun it makes me forget about the projects. When it comes to the company, I have a really reliable shareholder who fills my absence when needed.” You smiled at Beck knowing he would get an ego raise at the compliment.

“You bet. The other shareholder is extremely reliable.”

“You can always tell me if I start to drift a little too much from the company. I sometimes lose track on how much time I’ve spent on both jobs.”

“Y/N are you kidding me? You somehow do the same amount of work as me whilst having another time consuming job. You finish project drawings in less time than the workers that have nothing better to do. You’re doing more than enough, trust me.”

You smiled. It felt good that you were able to balance both jobs well with any concern.

“That’s good to hear. I have plans for the afternoon so I’m going to have to dip early. Thanks for the tea. Next time, consider a Facetime call when it comes to a similar dilemma.”

Beck waved you off as your car was brought back from the parking lot to you. You waved Beck goodbye as you drifted from the company back home to get ready for this “thing” tonight.

You arrived home to see the time was now 5:00 pm. You need to leave at 6:40 pm. That gives you an hour and forty minutes to get ready. You didn’t even know if there was a dress code. Was this a meal or an activity that you were going to? You circled in your walk-in wardrobe trying to figure out an outfit that would suit most occasions. You looked at casual floral dress. It would work only if it were daytime, it’ll be close to the evening so that won’t work. Jeans and a top? Too boring? Ugh.

You spent 30 minutes trying out outfits and hadn’t settled down on even one. You figured to solve the dress code problem by giving Jinyoung a ring. As much as it may be an embarrassing question you didn’t care. You weren’t going to take the risk and make a terrible impression of yourself to his circle.

He picked up.

“Hey Y/N. Are you well?”

“Hi Jinyoung. I’m well. I hope you’re too. I was getting ready for this ‘thing’ of yours, but I have no clue if this ‘thing’ will be taking place in a casual or formal setting. Basically, I don’t know what to wear.” You chuckled as you gave up trying not to be direct about why you called.

“Hahaha,” Great made a fool of yourself again, “I understand. I wouldn’t call it a formal setting. That’s for sure. A simple casual outfit would do. Just don’t come looking like a hobo.” He chuckled again.

“Great you just saved me from my worries of making a laughingstock of myself.”

“Don’t worry you won’t. See you at 7.”

“See you!”

Now that, that was out of the way you went back into your closet to pick out an outfit. You chose a pair of denim mom jeans and a black sleeveless bodysuit. You glammed up your outfit with silver jewellery pieces and your black Chanel bag. You wore a pair of white air forces to make sure your feet were comfy and headed over to your makeup stand.

You weren’t exactly a big makeup girl. You tended not to use a skin makeup like foundation or concealer. You basically used mascara and that was about it. You weren’t going to fake it; you were happy the way you were. Your lashes were curled, and you glided some mascara onto them. You weren’t going to bother with contacts this afternoon, so you put back on your turtle shell brown glasses. It was now 6:00 pm.

You had 40 minutes to spare so you went on your laptop to reply to some emails and work on some renders for the eco-hotel you worked on with Beck today.

40 minutes flew by and you shut your laptop and took a deep breath. Don’t fuck this up Y/N, you thought to yourself.

You hopped in your g-wagon and drove a new route to the entertainment company parking lot. Jinyoung was there like he had promised and waved you hello. You flashed your headlights as a way of reciprocating to Jinyoung’s wave. The gates slid open and parked your car in a free slot. There were more cars this time round. You guessed that there was something going on at the company.

“How have you been Jinyoung?” You greeted him as you locked your car.

“I’m a little nervous,” He saw your puzzled face, “You’ll understand why soon don’t worry.”

“Can’t wait.” You both strolled towards the entrance of the company. The same flashes started again. Like last time.

Jinyoung wrapped his arm around your shoulder and guided you quickly into the building. He whispered in your ear to keep your head low until he said so. You did as he said. Around 10 steps after walking into the building Jinyoung let you know that you could look up now. You were puzzled as ever. What is going on? Jinyoung realised the both puzzled but also annoyed/stern expression.

“Just a little longer. I promise.”

You guys took the escalator to the 2nd floor this time alongside several other people. It was busier than the last time you were here. A lot of cameras and staff. You could hear them whispering among themselves in the lift. You were sure you heard the words ‘actor’ and ‘script reading’. You had no clue what they were referring to. Probably some entertainment company things.

The lift arrived at the corresponding floor and you guys all stepped out. You were registering the things around you. There were banners hung up near the glass room ahead. They read ‘drama script reading’ and we were walking straight towards it.

You tugged on Jinyoung’s sleeve. You kind of felt uncomfortable feeling so alien-like in an extremely new environment. He took you to aside to avoid being in people’s way.

“Y/N I wouldn’t do anything to harm you. Trust me. This is all new to me as much as it’s all new to you. I wish I could be by your side, but we’ll be separated. Remember Bambam for last time?,” You nodded, “I’m going to sit you next to him and my other friends he’ll introduce you to them. Don’t worry they wont bite.” He lightly chuckled.

You guys slowly headed to the glass room. It was packed with tons of staff and people like you. A long banner was pinned up to the wall. When My Love Blooms was what it read. Underneath it in smaller font read four names. One of which was… Park Jinyoung.

He’s an… actor?

You saw Bambam like Jinyoung had said and was seated next to him. You took this chance to ask Bambam what in the world was going on.

“Hey Y/N.” Bambam seemed really excited too.

“Hey Bambam. Can I ask what’s going on?” He realised your puzzled expression. He could tell Jinyoung hadn’t told you anything about tonight.

“Jinyoung hyung hasn’t told you?” You shook your head no.

“Today is the first script reading of a drama Jinyoung hyung will be acting in. He’s the second male lead actor. He plays the younger version of the main character.” So, he was an actor.

“He didn’t even tell me that he was an actor. He hasn’t told me anything about his work.”

“That’s typical Jinyoung hyung. He’s usually secretive when it comes to work and this industry. It’s kind of complicated to explain but he treats all the new people in his life the same way don’t worry.”

“Right…” This whole industry thing was new to you too. You were going to go with the flow and see what happens.

“He also mentioned meeting his ‘circle’ as he described it. Who exactly is he referring to?” Bambam’s eyes lit up as he looked to his other side which consisted of 5 other guys. Very handsome you must say.

“Guys!” Bambam got the attention of all 5 of them.

“Bam what do you want now?” The guy with 2 moles on his eye lids looked up from his phone.

“Jinyoung hyung wants us to meet a friend of his.” You were kind of nervous. The one who had replied to Bambam had a bit of a cold aura.

“Really?” His expression kinda lightened.

“Yes hyung. Guys this is Y/N.” You gave a smile to all of them not knowing who should speak next.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you all.” That should do it.

“Hello Y/N. I’m Jackson.” He had a bright puppy smile on his face. He seemed like a social butterfly very eager to meet new people.

“I’m Mark.” Mark raised his hand to show who was talking. The staff were making a bit of noise, so his voice sounded a little muffled, but you were able to hear him. He seemed cool though.

“I’m Jaebeom.” The 2 mole guy spoke. He gave a sweet smile. You take back your thought of him having a cold aura. He seemed nice.

“I’m Yugyeom.” He started throwing gang signs trying to act cool. The guy beside him bursted out laughing and hit his shoulder trying to get him to stop. You joined in with him due to his contagious laugh.

“Hi Y/N. Last but not least I’m Youngjae.” He gave you wide and welcoming smile.

“So that’s everyone Jinyoung hyung wanted me to introduce you to. You’ll most likely see us often. We stick together most of the time.” Jaebeom rolled his eyes at the clingy child.

“How did you meet Jinyoung?” Jaebeom asked after putting his phone away.

“Actually, Jinyoung is my student. I’m his swimming teacher.” The guys looked at each other and started laughing.

“Waaa, that punk actually signed up to take lessons. Good on him, I thought he wouldn’t be able to.” You were kind of confused

“How come?”

“Jinyoung doesn’t like it when he’s not good at something. He’s an absolute perfectionist so to see him show a side of himself to people in a skill where he’s not thriving in… I didn’t expect him to actually sign up for classes.”

Ahh, so he’s a perfectionist.

“I didn’t know but he has been attending and cooperating well. He’s also a quick learner so he’ll be advancing quickly from my inspection.”

“Typical Jinyoung hyung,” Bambam commented, “He’s always good at everything.”

An old man stood up from the table Jinyoung was on and silenced the whole room for the beginning of the script reading. You looked over at Jinyoung to see that he was already focussed on you. He looked a little nervous so you sent over a small smile and nod to let him know that you’re fine and that he can do this.

“Thank you all for joining us today for the first script reading of When My Love Blooms. We will now be starting with the first episode reading. Let’s see how the actors have worked on their characters.”

You were excited to see what this was going to be like.

The script writing commenced, and everyone was concentrating on all the characters and the scene. The story line sounded really interesting and the chemistry between the actors and their characters seemed like a match made in heaven. You internally giggled when you found out that the main characters name was Jaehyun, remembering that this Jaehyun wasn’t the lifeguard Jaehyun back at the centre.

This side of Jinyoung looked so classy and sophisticated. He had a similar pair of glasses on like you and a simple black shirt on. He would move his glasses up whenever they would slip a bit whilst looking at his script. You could see how much he was in character and the passion in his voice trying to voice his inner Jaehyun.

“From today onwards, we’re dating.” The dialogue between Jinyoung and the younger role female lead continued until the director interrupted.

“I wish…” Everyone started laughing at the director’s sudden comment. I don’t blame him. The story line is to die for. If only life was the same.

Every now and again the boys beside you were trying to contain their laughs. They were like a bunch of brothers trying to find dirt on Jinyoung to tease him about later. They reminded you of your friends when you all hangout together specifically for someone’s occasion.

The script reading ended soon after the funny moment. The staff started packing up all the refreshments and the paperwork everywhere. The actors were taken to a little set up area to take teaser photos ready to be posted before the launch of the drama.

“So, Y/N…” Jackson caught your attention and you drew your eyes from Jinyoung and the other actors to Jackson.

“Yep.”

“You teach swimming lessons. Is that your full time job or is it a hobby sort of thing?”

“It’s a part time job I do on the side. I pursue a more serious career as an architect.” Jackson’s expression turned surprised.

“You’re an architect?” The rest of the guys circled around you with interested looks.

“Guys calm down. I just design buildings for a living. Me and a friend own a company- “

“You’re CEO?” Jaebeom launched himself forward towards you since he was out of it at first. Was it this big of a deal?

“More or less.” The boys all started clapping. The staff joined in thinking they were clapping for the actors and the end of the first script reading. You joined in to cover up for their initial intention.

Jinyoung joined you guys as the claps continued. He was baffed at what was going on, but you just shook it off. He whispered a simple ‘you good?’ in your ear. You nodded in response to his question. The group + you faced Jinyoung and continued clapping in his face like a bunch of seals. Jinyoung wrapped his hands around yours to stop you from clapping. The contact between you and him caught you off guard but his hands were warm and protective. Your small hands fit perfectly in his much larger hands. It felt like the contact you wished for years to happen between you and your dad but that never happened. Your eyes were close to tearing, but you knew showing any sign of sensitivity will trigger another load of questions not only from Jinyoung but the rest too. He removed his hands realising the awkward closeness he showed among all the guys.

The clapping ended.

“How was I?” Jinyoung diverted his attention from you to the rest of the guys.

“Jinyoung hyung as always performed well. I’m starting to get used to the fact that you’re good at everything hyung.” Yugyeom tried to act unphased but we all knew the experienced actor could see right through his lie.

“You outdid yourself again Jinyoung.” Jaebeom patted his shoulder like a granddad (lol).

“I’m jealous of the female character.” Everyone looked at Bambam waiting to continue why he said what he said.

“I’d wanna be dating Jinyoung hyung too, it’s not fair.” Jinyoung put an arm around Bambam’s shoulder and you all started laughing at the absurd comment.

“Jinyoung hyung already has someone in mind Bambam. You have to go search for someone else.” Jinyoung had someone else in mind? He likes someone? You just kept smiling trying to show you weren’t hurt from the sudden confession. Damn… looks like you were a little late Y/N. Of course, a fine man like Jinyoung wouldn’t go for you, you thought.

Jinyoung gave Youngjae a death stare. You guessed that wasn’t information he was willing to just share casually.

“I’m sure she’ll fall for you with those acting skills.” You tried to lift up the mood that had turned awkward. The guys gave you a look and then looked at Jinyoung. They knew who Youngjae was referring to. You were the only one that was oblivious to the situation.

“I hope so too Y/N. I hope so too.” Jinyoung gave you a warm smile. His eyes crinkled and his teeth gleamed white. Whoever she is, she’s lucky you thought.

“I’m starving, can we go for a meal?” Mark suggested as he changed the topic.

“Yh, Y/N you can also join us unless you’re busy.” Yugyeom kindly offered.

“No there’s no need. I don’t want to be interrupting your guys’ meal.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m sure Jinyoung will be happy with you joining us anyways.”

You looked over at Jinyoung and he just smiled. You guessed Bambam was right. You had nothing planned for the rest of the evening, so you joined them.

“Did anyone come by car? All the staff vehicles are being used for the director’s team.” Mark raised his hand although there was still a problem.

“Yh but there’s 8 of us Mark. Your car can hold 5 of us, what about the other 3?”

“Looks like it’s good that I’m coming then. I came by car too. The other 3 can come with me. I’ll follow Mark.”

“Are you windows tinted?” What a weird question to ask.

“Erm.. yes.”

“Great, that works.” Jaebeom clapped after the situation was solved.

“Let’s go half and half. I’m going with Y/N.” Bambam came by your side ready to follow you to your car. Jinyoung joined him and shrugged a helpless shrug towards Mark.

“You fuckers are leaving me, wow.” Mark put a hand on his heart acting like he was heartbroken.

“Don’t worry Mark. I’ll join you.” Jackson and Yugyeom joined Mark.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Youngjae offered to Jaebeom.

“Guys it’s just a car rid- “ They were actually doing this weren’t they.

“Rock, paper, scissors!” Youngjae threw rock and Jaebeom threw paper.

“Good luck putting up with Jackson and Yugyeom.” Jaebeom waved Youngjae a farewell. Now that this was decided, you guys headed out of the company building.

“I’ll tail you until our destination. Just in case we lose your car, does anyone riding with me know where we are going?” You walked along Mark settling on an agreement.

“Yh, Jinyoung knows where we are going. He can guide you just in case you lose the car.”

“Great.”

“By the way Y/N…”

“Yes…”

“Actually, don’t worry. It’s nothing important.”

“Sure…” You couldn’t lie. You kind of wanted to know what it was that he was going to say.

“WAAAAA… Y/N you’re full of surprises. First it turns out that you’re actually an architect now we find out you rock a classy car too. Keep it coming.” You guess Bambam is the type to hype his friends. Like you mentioned before, praise is something that motivates you. It’s rewarding.

“WAAAAA… Bambam it’s just a car.” You mimicked him.

“Yh… but a really nice car.” He eyed your possession and circled round it.

“Look at this big boy… what did you name it?” This kid honestly.

“I shall not be disclosing that piece of information.” Bambam gave you puppy eyes in hopes for it to work.

“Fine. He’s called Prince.” You shut your eyes with your hands to avoid the embarrassment.

“Ahhhh and because you own him… does that make you a Queen?” You laughed at Bambam’s analogy.

“No specific reason for the name Bambam. Come on, Mark and the others are waiting for us.”

Jinyoung took the passenger seat beside you whilst Jaebeom and Bambam sat behind. Bambam specifically behind you.

“Everyone seat belts on please. I trust my driving, but I don’t trust the driving of others.” You smiled at your comment. So vain.

“I’m going to tell Mark hyung you don’t trust his driving.” Bambam is an actual kid, you concluded in your mind.

“That’s not what I meant Bambam.”

“I know, I know.” You started the car as all of the guys, and you had put on your seatbelts.

You signalled to Mark for him to go ahead since your car was now ready. You followed his white Jeep out of the parking lot and started your journey.

“So where exactly are we going to?” You still didn’t know what you was going to be eating for dinner.

“We often go to this seafood place near the bay. The fish comes fresh every day and they also have non-fish options too. Jackson doesn’t like seafood much, so it works well for him too. You’ll definitely like it.”

Hmm, there was a restaurant at bay that you also went to often similar to what Jinyoung was describing. Maybe it’s the same place.

“What’s the place called? I live near the bay so I may know of it.”

“It’s called Ali’s Clam.” Bambam responded from the back.

“Ali with the lisp?” If he replies yes now, you knew exactly where you were going.

“You know of him?” Of course.

“We come from the same country. I’ve known him since I moved to Jinhae. He was one of the first people I met.”

“Small world. Weird how we didn’t recognise each other. We must have been present at the same time at some point.” Jaebeom figured.

“I would agree but I always order into the company or home. I don’t usually have the time to eat in. It’ll be a great surprise for him too since it’s been a while I’ve been at the restaurant.”

A couple minutes of silence went by. You had some music from back home playing quietly as you drove to Ali’s. You do love jamming loudly to music but only when alone. You weren’t going to embarrass yourself in front of people you’ve only met a couple hours ago.

“So where exactly are you from Y/N?” You appreciated how the guys actually wanted to get to know you.

“My parents are both Turkish. Although… I was born and raised mostly in London. I did go back often to see family, but I lived and grew up in London. Studied there and then work led me to Jinhae.”

You stopped at a red light.

“I was going to ask what coloured contacts you used. I guess they are real.” Bambam and his ridiculous questions.

“Yes, they are real Bambam. Sorry to disappoint.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just stare at them instead.” This kid. Jaebeom and Jinyoung laughed at the sadness in Bambam’s voice.

“I’ll let you borrow them if you want.” Bambam triggered your sarcasm to come out. What a fool.

“I’d be honoured.” You liked how he continued.

“So, Y/N…” Jinyoung spoke up.

“You’re an architect?” You just nodded and you kept your eyes on the road.

“Why teach swimming then?” This question again.

“Here’s how I’ll answer that question,“ He was listening, “Isn’t it so refreshing and fun being with the kids in our group? To see their faces light up every Monday morning because of me and my lessons. It’s an amazing feeling knowing I’m touching their lives by giving them a life skill that they’ll be grateful for. It never feels like work.”

As you explained your reasons, Jinyoung had been staring at you in deep thought. The way you were concentrating on the road as you spoke about pure innocent things. The way you were so passionate about helping the kids learn a vital skill. He couldn’t register everything at once and felt so overwhelmed. Your eyes glistened as you continued talking about your love for the kids and how much you loved swimming. He watched your every move and could feel his heart thumping stronger than usual. He knew what was happening and was willing to comply to his heart.

You realised you had been rambling off for a while and hadn’t heard a single thing from Jinyoung. You glanced to your side to see a loving stare coming your way. You wished you could reciprocate but eyes on the road was something you were going to stick to. He realised his own stare and directed his look to Bambam. You just smiled. Luckily it was dark, so your flamed up cheeks weren’t visible to anyone.

…

Your phone rang… it was Max. You guys still hadn’t sorted out whatever it is that’s between you two now. You didn’t know if you should pick up. Due to the lovely thing called technology, your car picked up on the fact that you were getting a call so everyone could see who was calling. Jinyoung aware of who Max was.

“Feel free to pick up.” Jinyoung prompts you to pick up.

“You guys okay if I pick up?”

“Go ahead.” The other two responded.

You picked up the call.

“Hey Max, how are you?”

“Doing better Y/N. You free to talk?”

“Yh sure, go ahead.”

“I wanted to talk about Monday.”

You looked over at Jinyoung. He didn’t seem phased, but you felt uncomfortable.

“I’m listening.”

“Stay away from him.” Not this again.

“Elaborate ‘him’.”

“You know who I’m on about Y/N. Don’t make me say his name.”

“Elaborate or I’m hanging up.”

“Fine. I’m on about Jinyoung.” Oh boy the air in this car just got even more awkward.

“Fuck my life Max. You’re still dragging this out? Can you speak up like a man with a pair of balls?”

Jaebeom and Bambam looked at each other. They sensed the change in atmosphere as expected.

“Alright Y/N. What I’m saying is you have to stay away from Jinyoung from now on! I see the way he looks at you Y/N. His ass is so whipped for you and it has only been 2 lessons- “

“And?” The awkwardness had hit cloud nine. You wanted to hide in a box and stay away from humans for weeks at this point, but you had to stay strong. You weren’t going to give in like a weakling.

“What do you mean ‘and?’? Aren’t you bothered? Are you ready for someone else to crush your heart again just like Chas- “

“Don’t you dare say his name.” Max was crossing over the line. This call being on speaker didn’t help either.

“You get the point. Your ass is going to fall deep into his trap too only to be left like a shattered mirror again. Continue being like this and I won’t be there to fix you either.”

With that Max hung up. You didn’t speak. You were trying to contain the anger you were feeling rise up. You were carrying lives in the car. You weren’t going to express the anger now.

“You good?” Bambam couldn’t stand the silence and asked the comforting question. You had to be honest. You weren’t exactly feeling like answering although you thanked him internally for caring.

You mustered up the energy to talk after burying the anger inside.

“I deeply apologise for what just happened. I didn’t exactly want you guys to witness this not-so-nice side of me let alone on our first meeting,” You faced Jinyoung for a split second, “I owe you another apology. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but- “

“You truly are unaware aren’t you.” Jaebeom interrupted you. Kind of rude.

“I don’t know who that guy was, but he sounds extremely jealous.” This again. Jinyoung opted to stay silent.

“You think?”

“I think? It’s almost fact. He sounds so riled up. As a guy the only reason I’d ever be so ‘like him’ would be because I’m jealous.” For everyone to say this keeps solidifying the assumption. You guess everyone was right.

“Jaebeom hyung is usually right when it comes to knowing things. What he says usually turns out correct. I also agree. He sounds pissed and jealous.”

You chose to stay silent until you arrived at the restaurant. Everyone went back to what they were doing before the rude call. A couple minutes later you all arrived at Ali’s Clam.

You and Mark parked near the venue and walked it to the table Ali had given the rest.

“No way!” Ali ran up to you and gave you a warm hug. It had been around 1 month since the last time you saw him. Although you could feel the life being squeezed out of you too.

“Ali let me breath,” you laughed as you hugged him back, “It’s good to see you too.”

“Y/N seni bir aydır görmüyorum. Nerelerdesin?”

[“Y/N I haven’t seen you for a month. Where have you been?”]

“Bizim büro büyük bir proje kaptı. Beck’le onun üstünde çalışıyoruz. Biliyorsun ki yüzme derslerim de var buraya gelmeye zaman bulmak zor oluyor.”

[“Our firm received a big project. I’ve been working on it with Beck. You know about the swimming lessons too, it’s hard to find time to come.”]

The guys all picked up the change in language. This is what it must feel like for our fans, they thought to themselves.

“So how come you know of these lot?” He was referring to Jinyoung and the rest, “And how do you guys know of Y/N?”

Yugyeom stepped up to explain.

“Long story short, Y/N is Jinyoung’s swimming teacher. The rest of us met Y/N today at Jinyoung’s script reading.”

“Riiiight… So, what can I get you guys today? Everything’s on me!” Ali clapped in excitement for reuniting with his friend alongside his favourite customers.

“Can we get our usual lobster in the middle plus the baby crabs plus Jackson’s order?” These guys don’t order the stuffed oysters. What in the world?!?

“You know what else to add Ali. I can’t believe you guys don’t order the stuffed oysters. It’s Ali’s signature dish.”

“I got you Y/N! I’ll make it a bigger portion so the rest of you guys can try it too.” Ali jotted down the order on his little notepad.

The small chit chat continued. You were sat between Jaebeom and Jinyoung. Your table looked out to the bay and was decorated with shells and blue and white ribbons. You always loved the ambience of this restaurant. It reminded you of the fish restaurants back in Turkey that you and your mum would go to when you were younger. Whenever you felt homesick you knew you could come here to sink the feeling away.

“So, Miss is an architect.” Jinyoung turned to you as the rest spoke among themselves.

“I guess I am, and Mr is an actor” You chuckled. You both found out each other’s careers in very different ways.

“I guess I am.” He mimicked you. You eyed him having picked up on what he was doing.

“So, what’s the story behind you and everyone? How did everyone meet each other?”

“Get ready for another surprise. I’m not exactly just an actor… All 7 of us make up a k-pop group called GOT7.”

“Yh, right.” You laughed at him assuming he was joking around.

“Wow don’t believe me. Guys!” Jinyoung got the attention of the rest of the guys.

“Jaebeom hyung when did we debut?”

“16th Jan 2014.”

“Seun-ah what was our debut song?”

“Girls, girls, girls they love me” Jackson sang and displayed some hand movements along with it. Were they being serious?

Ali came over with the baby crabs and the stuffed oysters. He was just about to go back for the lobsters but Jinyoung asked Ali the same questions he had asked Jaebeom and Jackson.

“You guys debuted under JYP Entertainment as GOT7 on 16th Jan 2014 with the song,” he changed his stance like he was ready to dance, “Girls, girls, girls they love me.”

“Jackson also had a plant sticking out from the top of his head then.” The boys started laughing but Jackson gave Ali a deaf stare. Ali gave him an apology hug and insisted that he couldn’t let the opportunity slide.

“Is that why you kept your job a secret at first?” Jinyoung nodded.

“People tend to act different towards us as if we are not ordinary people. There seems to be this analogy of a pedestal where we are placed higher and we don’t really like that since it makes it hard for us to get to know genuine new people. Me keeping that a secret meant you looked at me for who I was not for someone who was a singer.”

“That makes sense. People forget behind the stage and platform there’s someone just like all of us with feelings and hobbies. We all like to chill, lounge around, go for a walk. It makes up only a part of us not all of us, but many people don’t see it that way. So, I understand why you chose to hide it although I can let you know that I’m not one of those people. It’s the inside that counts.” You pointed to your heart. Jinyoung just kept falling for all the mutual comments you were making. He agreed with everything that was escaping from your mouth.

“I’m happy we are on the same page.” He ruffled your hair like you were a 10 year old kid. His eyes gleamed with playful energy. You wish you could have stared longer but you were among his friends. You didn’t want them to get the wrong idea. With that you sorted your hair along with Ali placing the lobster and Jackson’s dish on the table.

“Ellerine sağlık Ali. Her zaman ki gibi çok güzel kokuyor her şey.”

[“Thank you for the meal Ali. Like always the food smells really good.”]

“This isn’t fair we don’t understand.” Bambam started sulking like a kid.

“I’ll try and contain myself. Since I usually come here alone I’m used to speaking in Turkish with Ali. Sorry.” You showed your innocent eyes (not an aegyo way, not a fan) to Bambam.

“If you look at me like that, how can I even get annoyed? Talk all you want I trust you wouldn’t speak ill of us to Ali.” You smiled at the kind words from Bambam.

“Let’s tuck in!” Youngjae suggested. You all started tucking into the food laid out. You had convinced Jaebeom to try the stuffed oysters since no one would say yes. You showed him how to open the oyster and scrape the filing with one shell from the other. Then eat from it like it was a spoon.

“How is it?” You tried to read his expression. He continued chewing and his eyes started to widen.

“We’ve been missing out.” Mark passed his plate over to you for you to put some oysters on his plate after seeing Jaebeom’s reaction.

“How do you did it again Y/N?” Mark asked.

“Let’s do this. Anyone who wants to try it put your hand up?”

Everyone but Jinyoung and Jackson put their hand up.

“I’ll let Jackson slide since you don’t like seafood,” You turned to Jinyoung, “This is bad sportsmanship come on everyone’s willing to try.”

JINYOUNG’S POV

She’s hitting you with those colourful starry eyes again. How could you say no?

“Fine Y/N. For your sake.” A wide smile spread across her face. She passed you an oyster too.

“If everyone’s ready, watch me then copy. We good with that?”

“This sounds like another swimming lesson.” You couldn’t help but remind her how similar her instructions sound like her lessons.

“Wooow. Are you criticising my teaching?” You could now pick up on her sarcasm. She wasn’t being serious. You just shrugged playing secretive like always.

“You should appreciate you haven’t drowned with your skills.” Oh no she didn’t.

“WAAAAAAA… I like it. Finally, someone else as savage as me.” Bambam high fived you across the table. Jaebeom had his mouth agape and Youngjae looked at you.

If the guys had made that sort of comment, it would have been game on. But when it came to Y/N, you couldn’t even find a way of retaliatin. Not only did you not know much about her, you got caught looking at her in disbelief. Your brain couldn’t register a comeback.

“Waaa… she actually got him silent. You achieved something I haven’t for the past 6 years Y/N.” Yugyeom started clapping. You looked at him and your eyes did the job. He stopped clapping as soon as he realised he weren’t going to take shit right now.

“Like I was saying. We ready?” Everyone raised their oysters. You watched her eagerly demonstrate how to eat her cuisine. Her passion for her homeland was present and you liked how she was patiently teaching you all how to eat the delicacy.

“Then you scrape it like it’s a spoon using the empty shell, like this.”

Surprising you all were pretty good. None of you dropped the filling on your plate.

“Then…,” Y/N got up from her seat and grabbed a lemon slice, “You squeeze some lemon on it. Keep your oysters up a little I’ll come around and squeeze some.”

She went around the table and dispersed some lemon.

“Now voila, eat.” You were a little hesitant. You weren’t a big fan of oyster, but you were willing to try it based on Y/N’s recommendation.

And you weren’t disappointed. The combination of the crustacean, rice and the herbs worked so well together. You could see why Y/N was surprised when this wasn’t a part of the group’s order. It tasted delicious.

“I can read all your faces now and no one seems disgusted besides Jackson.” She laughed at Jackson’s reaction to all of you tasting the new dish.

“Bro, how do yall do it?” Jackson questioned.

“Do what Jack?” Mark didn’t understand.

“Eat seafood. Madness.” Jackson resumed to eating his burger.

Ali dropped by having seen you guys taste the oyster.

“What do you guys think?” Ali asked.

“Y/N is right. Ali where have we been?” Youngjae was experiencing his version of food enlightenment.

“I don’t know Youngjae. Where have you guys been?” Ali laughed at Youngjae’s absurd question.

You guys dug into your food whilst conversing and getting to know each other. It turned out that Jackson and Y/N were close to meeting each other earlier on in life. If they had both pursued in their sports and competed in the Olympics there was a chance they would have met. Small world. Jackson explained to Y/N how he switched his career path and Y/N spoke about the lack of opportunity and motivation in that field left her to divert her attention to architecture. Both succeeding exceptionally well in their fields.

Y/N’S POV

“So, what’s been like your biggest project so far?” Mark asked since you both stopped eating having felt close to full.

“We have an active project going on right now for an eco-hotel set to be built near the end of the bay. The client is a really well-known person although I can’t disclose who he is due to privacy regulations. I can say you are all well aware of who he is that’s for sure. I never imagined someone with such high status would want us to design something for him but yh… we are working on it.” Y/N explained.

“That’s really cool. It’s nice to hear what people are doing in different industries. We are always surrounded by the entertainment industry so it’s nice to see a different expression of creativity going on around us.” You appreciated Mark’s kind words and appreciation for the architecture field. The field didn’t receive much cover and is overlooked so it was nice to hear those words.

“I agree. The same thing goes for you guys. I have one friend who does work got to do with music production although I didn’t really get much insight into what he did. It must be really warming having an audience who support you and your work constantly.” You liked having logical conversations. It seems like Mark’s somebody you would get along with well. He seems very knowledgeable.

“Ali! Can you bring over a couple bottles of soju?”

“Coming right up Jaebeom!”

Ali came pacing to our table and placed 7 glasses and 5 bottles of soju. He knew you didn’t drink.

“You forgot another glass.”

“Ah, I don’t drink.” You waved off Jaebeom.

“Waaa… does that mean we all get to drink? We have a driver to get us home guys!” Jaebeom joked around since you would be sober.

Ali came back since he heard what Jaebeom had said, “7 drunk guys and Y/N that sounds like chaos.”

“Come on Ali! We aren’t that bad drunk, are we?”

“Definitely not Jaebeom.” You picked up on Ali’s sarcasm.

“I’ll join Y/N for today. We won’t drink you guys go ahead.” Jinyoung joined the sober team for today.

“Jinyoung hyung~ you’re like the most entertaining person when drunk. Are you just too scared you’ll end up confessing to Y-“ Yugyeom smacked his hand across Bambam’s mouth and kept it shut. Was he about to say your name? Nah… surely not.

“You guys know I’ve been cutting down on drinking. There’s no other reason besides how wild we are when we are drunk. Can’t let Y/N handle all of 7 of us alone.” You appreciated his concern.

“Thanks.”

…

It took about 20 minutes for all 7 of the guys to be out of it. You and Jinyoung took the opportunity to part from the group and walk along the beach.

You could hear the waves crashing gently in the summer breeze. You took a second to take deep breaths of fresh air.

“Ah…” You sighed as you let out the fresh air, “Don’t you just love the sea?”

“I think I would like it more if I could swim in it.” You giggled at his confession.

“I’ll make that happen one day. I promise.” You smiled up at Jinyoung as you watched your feet sink into the sand as you guys walked. You both stayed silent until something came up to mind.

“I mean you can still have fun in the sea without having to swim in it.”

“Wow, I thought Jaehyun was the dirty minded one. I can see who he learnt it from.” He eyed you knowing that what he was hinting at was most likely something that wasn’t on your mind.

You were gobsmacked. Him too? Were all guys like this?

You slapped his shoulder, “You guys are atrocious. I meant splashing each other.” As you said the word ‘splashing’ you knelt down and splashed water at Jinyoung.

He was ready to win you over at this fight. He retaliated with even more water and caught you off guard. You guys ran up and down the beach trying to splash one another as well as not get caught by the flying water droplets. The cool breeze made the water on your body colder than usual. You guys were practically drenched when you dropped on your ass because your foot got caught sunk in the sand.

“You okay?” Jinyoung crouched down to your level and smiled at you like a child.

“I would be if my ass wasn’t soaked.” He lent you a hand. Was he this naïve? You took the opportunity to give Jinyoung a taste of what it felt like. You grabbed his hand and dragged him done to your level.

“I should have seen that coming.” Damn right he should have. You both chuckled as you watched the moon and the rippling reflection on the sea’s surface.

You started to tear up at the familiar scene although the person beside you wasn’t the person in the flashback. It was Chase. Chase was your ex-boyfriend. He was probably the best shot you had with a guy and things were going well until you found out that he was cheating on you for 2 months with a waitress at Ali’s restaurant. You had shared your ups and downs with him meaning him cheating on you left you extremely hopeless for other guys. Max’s extra possessive and protective reached its peak during that time hence the phone call today. When Ali found out, he fired the waitress immediately knowing how hurt you would feel every time you came across her at the restaurant. Even worse when she was with Chase. You guys would hang out at the beach after meals similar to how you and Jinyoung had today. Although today felt different, Jinyoung meant more to you than Chase in a shorter period of time. You still lacked on so much about Jinyoung, but he never gave off a single bad impression on any occasion. You trusted him.

He realised your mood change.

“Did you come here often with him?” How did he…

“I can tell you haven’t been here alone before. Did you guys come here together before? With the guy Max was about to mention on the phone call.” Smartass.

“Wow, I didn’t even need to explain. You’re spot on.” You let out a chuckle. It must have been really obvious.

“It must suck. We can go back-“

“No, no… I’m not going to let past memories be the reason for me to run away from a beautiful landscape. You being here helps too.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Although my backside is about to drop off.” You had completely forgotten that your bottom halves were being repeatedly soaked by the crashing waves.

“Not having much fat in that area is a struggle isn’t it. I can’t relate.”

“I have you know I have an ass.” You were dying at the confidence. You make sure to check him out secretly when the peach is in view.

“Clearly not big enough for the cold.” He pushed you over and your back got soaked from the damp sand.

“Ahhhh! Jinyoung I’m gonna catch a cold. It’s freezing!”

You were going to get your pay back. You launched your hands onto his shoulder in the hopes that he would also fall back but you underestimated his strength. You guys squabbled trying to put the other down. As expected he had you done in no time grasped onto your wrists. Some water droplets from his shirts fell down onto your warm skin. The position you guys were in raised the heat of your body at an unhealthy rate. Your faces were inches away just like how they were at during the water dodgeball game. Your chests heaved trying to get back your breaths, but he looked too good to be true. How could you go back to breathing normally when he looked gorgeous?

“Still cold?” He swept you away from your thoughts.

“Y-Yh…” You were boiling to be exact.

“This should help.” He dropped lower towards your face. Your noses brushed each other’s, and you could now feel his warm breath across your face. He looked deeply into your eyes as if there was a transcript written in them. He took his time analysing your features until he got to your lips. He couldn’t help staring at your lips for a little longer than your other features until he couldn’t take it anymore. He was going to make the first move he wanted to make since the beginning.

He teased your lips slowly making contact with them not knowing this was going to be the beginning of something life changing. You moulded into his lips and you could understand that he wanted this as much as you did. The passion as he moved trying to taste every inch of you made you blame yourself for not noticing his interest sooner. You were most definitely not cold anymore.

You were happy that your interests were not one sided and couldn’t wait for what else this new possible love had in store.

---

Thank fudge cakes this episode is over. I apologise for how late this episode has been. I think the word count being close to 10k explains why it took so long. I struggled to find a place to stop for this episode, so I just continued writing until I was happy with it. A lot goes down in this episode so grab a snack and enjoy. It was also really nice bringing in some native tongue into the series. I’d like to get your opinions on whether I should continue with the native tongue conversations between Y/N and Ali. I also introduced Y/N’s full time job. I hope it was a nice surprise for you guys. Until next episode 👋 

writer-nim x