#anyways it’s been a while since I finished a comic for the masses ^_^ expect more for this fanfic

[bad12amcomic]

Taking the Plunge

A prologue to the events of https://archiveofourown.org/works/54364717/chapters/137699632 by @sillyfairygarden

Uhhhhhh behind the scenes work huh…. Uhhhhhhhh

Here’s the ref I made for this comic

And here are some memes

[corysmiles]

Sup! I'm back from Barcelona! Hope you're doing well!

Remember that sbi rust prompt you gave me a month or 2 ago? It is done (not readproff tho so there may be some mistakes) anyway enjoy my grand return!

Edit: did you know 250 paragraphs is the limit lenght to an ask? On an unrelated note I will have to cut this into multiple parts so enjoy this first chapter!

-----

"Whaaat the-"

Wilbur took a step back, mouth agape and watched the figure inside of the dome. A human, identical in the looks, if not for the size of it.

When he went to explore the looming monument that rose from near his house, he expected food or scientific papers, perhaps some gas masks and equipment, not a... giant.

Weren't those things a myth?? Just a silly fictional creature to scare children away, not... not real and THERE, sleeping right in front of him??

The thing was curled up on himself, unable to fit in the 30ft wide sphere if going to its full lenght.

Wilbur was trapped in the walls of flesh.

And to his dismay, he was just in time to witness the creature wake up.

Lazily, they opened their eyes, squinting. They looked at their surroundings, the roof, the walls, the floor.

And the man was able to pinpoint the exact moment their eyes landed on him.

They gasped softly, almost mute. Their eyes widened, and they stood here, studying the punny intrudor for a too long moment. Only after, they spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Uhm... hello."

Wilbur expected the giant to speak, seeing how akin to a human he was, but he didn't expect such a young voice to be held by the.... boy?

"Hey." Wilbur waved, hand as shaking and hesitant as his voice.

"... What's your name?" They spoke.

Wilbur gulped, more on instinct. "Uuh, Wilbur. Who are you? What are you doing here?" He pointed.

They nodded in a hum before looking at the floor below, eyes a bit blurry.

"I...my name is Tommy. And uh... this is where I sleep."

The stare the human kept on the boy was intense, full of disbelief and curiosity. It was uncomfortable.

He shifted a bit. And Wilbur's eyes darted towards the small movements. Ah, right. Humans were hyperaware.

"It's been a while since I met someone around here."

"Yeah, I can imagine that... ever since the nuclear incident, it's been quite the task to find someone." Wilbur explained. What did this being knew exactly?

"Oh... I see." He lowered his head, before letting it rest on the floor, and holy shit he was even bigger than he thought.

He swallowed the lump back down his throat, and sat legs crossed.

The giant, which looked like a teenager now that he got to see his face up close, kept looking at him, expression almost bored.

Then, without much a warning, he lifted his hand and moved it towards the human, who instantly scrumbled away as fast as he could.

"wowowwoowowo- what-"

The hand froze, and when he looked at Tommy, the expression was sad, almost hurt.

Silence filled the room for a minute.

"Sorry" the giant apologized. "I must be quite scary, huh?"

Without much thinking, wilbur nodded. "Um, yeah"

"It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you." He reassured, his voice pathetic. "Can I come closer?"

Wilbur looked at the hand, then at the teen. He took a deep breath before nodding, earning a pleased smile from the blond.

More careful, a hand thrice his size came to him, fingers slowly wrapping themselves around the human. He tensed, unwilling to move an inch despite his mind begging him to get out of here.

He closed his eyes in anticipation, but after a minute of stillness, he felt a rough pressure on his head, ruffling his hairs.

"Wha- what are you doing?" He asked, refusing to open his eyes yet.

Before he got an answer, the mass, which he recognized as a thumb, moved from playing with the hair to caress his skin as gently as possible.

With much hesitation, the human opened his eyes and met the face of the teen, who beared an expression of pure shock and wonder.

As the thumb rubbed against his cheek, he inhaled, shivered.

"You're so small... so fragile..."

His face was washed with a wave of sadness, while Wilbur drew his hand closer to the gun hidden in his jacket.

"How do you feel, wilbur? Do you feel fragile?" His voice was as sad as unreadable.

And at the moment, Wilbur did feel as powerless as a bug stuck in a web. A tall, wide web. Not that he would tell Tommy.

"... Is that a threat?" He asked instead.

"No, I'm just curious." A sort of melancholy couldn't leave the giant's face. "If I were to threaten someone, it would be because they acted like a bitch. You're not a bitch as far as I know."

The curse took Wilbur off guard, and he found himself giggling at the vocabulary. The blong smiled as well.

Then, the thumb moved from the face and slowly descended to cover his chest (entirely)

And....

It felt... like a hug?

How long has it been since Wilbur has been hugged.

The gesture was confusing.

"... why?" He voiced.

"I don't know. I know people like hugs. Makes them feel safe."

He eyed the fingers around him before focusing, wary, on the face.

"What are you planning to do to me?"

"Huh?!" He raised eyebrow and his hands left Wilbur's surrounding in a too quick motion, gesturing in defense. "Nothing!! I just want you to be comfortable. Been a while since I talked to anyone." Without the giant controling his volume, Wilbur had to cover his ear at the sudden booming sound.

He nodded nontheless, still unsure, and the silence drawn out.

"...why did you want to explore the dome?"

For some reason, the echoing voice was quite soothing to the human's ears, now that it was bearable. He took a few steps and put his hand on the part of the dome not blocked by an enormous mass. His finger carressed the copper walls until he was sat.

"I wanted to explore. I don't live very far, and this structure intrigued me. I expected to find some researches, not.... uh..."

Tommy smiled and understood the man without him having to finish. "Yeah. I'm not really something to be expected."

He nodded. "And you've been here for a while?"

"Not so much." The giant responded, "I usually travel from place to place trying to survive, pretty much like everyone else."

"I see..."

"I can try and look out for any paper or stuff if you want, so next time you come, I can hand them over."

Wilbur paused. The idea of returning to the giant made him frown, but the blond did seem to hold no grudges against him.

".... Maybe." He landed on.

And visibly, the teen was elated at the news, his grin growing to his ear and his hands joining in a clap. (As gentle as he could to not make the small man deaf.)

"Welp." He got up, before he got a sugar overdose from seeing that excitment. "I think I'm gonna head back."

"Do you want me to help you get back home?" The other proposed, enthusiast.

"No."

It was quiet for a moment, silence only disturbed by the giant shifting position. It was... unusual. But the enormous teen didn't seem hostile, and if Wilbur could get himself such an ally, he wouldn't take it down.

And so he returned home.

---

2 days later, he returned.

He was surprised as well, but curiosity guided his steps much more than his fears ever since the giant teen revealed himself a potential ally.

He inhaled deeply before climbing the stairs, his feet landing on the metalic ground.

The smile on the teenager's face when he turned around and met the tiny man was as heartwarming as nervewracking.

"YOU'RE BACK!!!" He cheered, and already the human had to cover his ears, the joyous scream deafening. He realized his mistake pretty soon though as he covered his mouth and mumbled, much quieter "Sorry. Hi Wilbur."

"Hello, Tommy." He replied, cautiously removing his hands from his ear. "How have you been?" He started. Usual politeness shouldn't be too awkward.

It took all the self control of the blond to keep his voice quiet enough when he said "I've been fine, thank you." The energy bubbling from him only made Wilbur chuckle.

"Good, good." Wilbur took a few steps towards the blond (or rather his face, since the teen was kind of all around the room) "You seem happy to see me."

Tommy nodded way too quickly and strongly as he confirmed. "Yep! I-" he pained keeping his voice low "-I wasn't sure if you'd really come back. I'm very very very glad you didn't lie. Especially since I have..... THIS!!"

He didn't even bother whispering as his hand came to view, previously hidden behind his back, and coming towards Wilbur in a fist at a racing pace. The brunette couldn't help but flinch back.

Tommy stopped mid-way, realizing his carelessness once more. He whispered an apology and the hand came, much slower this time. (Almost comically slow, but Wilbur wouldn't really complain)

Then, when only at about 6ft away from the man, the hand opened, revealing several piles of papers.

Wilbur's eyes widened. He looked at the blond, confused.

"You said you wanted to look for researches and stuff, sooo I tried finding some. And you were right! There are papers everywhere in here!"

Wilbur looked at the floor which he now realized was almost white from sheets, as well as the several seemingly blank pages stuck on the giant's body, and nodded, repressing a chuckle.

"Yep. Everywhere."

Tommy held back a laugh as well, and Wilbur tried visualizing how this.... god knows how tall being could try opening drawers with his nails barely thin enough to hold the handler, and reading papers the size of a pins on his hands, all while trying to manœuver his body so he wasn't blocking the rest of the building.

He would lie if he said the thought wasn't amusing.

He went for the paper, and without much thinking hopped onto the hand, since the papers were mostly at the center of his palm.

He grabbed a few and sat down, begining reading when he felt a shaky inhale. He looked up to meet the amused eyes of the blond.

"... Seat's comfortable?" He teased, as playful as baffled.

Wilbur frowned, then looked below him and his eyes widened as he registered. He shot straight up.

"Oh-oh oh I'm so sorry- I- I sincerely apologize I-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as he covered his ears, a wheezed laugh echoing through the entire thing and sending Wilbur shaking from the vibrations.

He found himself laughing as well, barely able to keep up his balance as he stepped out of the hand, a good chunk of paper held between his chest and arms.

The laughs finally died down, the blond disforming his face with his hand trying hard to muffle the sounds. He looked back at the human with what could only be described as adoration. The hand left his face and he chuckled still as he talked.

"Ahh, don't worry about it. I expected you to just take the papers and go, but this? This was funny. Definitely the first time someone sits on my hand like that."

"I-... is it a bad thing?" Wilbur asked, taking slow steps backward while he kept a smile. The last thing he wanted was to upset a giant he was trapped with. Sure, the kid was nice, even though overwhelming, but a wrong gesture could change that first part pretty quickly.

"Nah, I don't mind. If the floor is too cold for your liking, you can sit here."

Wilbur sighed in relief and gave the blond a smile. "Alright. Thanks."

He still chose to sat on the floor, and started reading again. His intuition was right, there was tons of information in here.

He read in silence, only disturbed every once in a while when Tommy asked what was in the sheets. Wilbur explained as easily as possible and kept the details for himself. Tommy was satisfied with the answer he was given, though, so that wasn't a problem.

He was only a quarter through the first pile of paper when he felt something approaching. He froze when a mass, probably a finger, found itself on top of Wilbur's head.

There was a beat of silence when neither moved, and the finger ruffled ever so slightly his hair.

It was a bit awkward, but it wasn't uncomfortable, so he didn't protest.

A soft voice pierced through the silence.

"If I press on your head too hard or hurt you, warn me. You're small so I don't know how much pressure I can apply on you."

"Alright." Wilbur nodded. "You're doing fine right now, I'll tell you if that changes."

The rest of the reading was done with Tommy gently playing with Wilbur's hair or tapping his back in an attempt at a 'massage' (as Tommy called it). It was distracting, but not uncomfortable. At times, even soothing.

It was almost night when Wilbur read most of the first pile. He got up with the paper he read already and looked for an empty drawer.

Fortunately, since Tommy spent 2 days scrambling to get every possible paper out, it wasn't much of a challenge. Below Tommy's angled leg was a furniture. He went and deposited it.

"That should be good." He said as he closed it. He then turned around to meet the blond. "Well, I think it's time for me to go home. I'll be back soon though, this place is VERY interesting."

He forced himself not to fake a gag at Tommy's smile. Urg. So genuine.

"Yeaaayyy" the giant stage-whispered while clapping his hands as softly and quickly as possible. "It's nice having you around. Can I do anything to help you?"

Wilbur brought a hand to his chin and thought for a moment. "If you find an empty book, you can give it to me next time. I'll bring one myself though so you don't have to tear this place upside down to find one." That made Tommy chuckle.

And so, Wilbur returned home once more.

THIS IS SO GOOD MEL OMG!!!

Pls read this it’s amazing and so well done, I love the rust server and this is so good :D

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Feral Fatality

(Part 3)

Last update for now! I hit a wall and so...I need to shift direction, make way for my requests (up til now I merely wrote one word) so gonna forget this one for the time being and push this deep under every article I have in the works—

Anyways, some fluff before I disappear *insert peace out and fade meme*

Pairing: Jason Voorhees x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: Nothing extreme, a little blood only.

—

The masked killer gave you one shook of his head before he took off.

Saving you... for last?

Why weren't you afraid? Hell, you are going insane.

You looked down at the corpse under you. Time to clean up the mess, no one would want a rotting bitch on their doorstep.

Standing up, you decided to drag the body into the woods, maybe an animal would be happy to eat her flesh.

Huh, you were taking everything so well.

-

After you left her body a good distance away from your cabin, you went back to wash up, the red liquid on your skin was beginning to itch. You took off your clothing, the blood on your them was hopefully still removable, you wouldn't want to throw them away if you can help it.

Your thoughts strayed to that of earlier. You killed someone. You killed Betty.

And it felt good. Euphoric, even.

You never thought you could end someone's life, one of many that wanted you dead too.

"It was self-defense..." you assured. They intended to kill you anyway, the food they served for you was possibly poisoned. Even a fool would notice how suspicious they acted.

Not to mention Eloiza declared it straight to my face.

Then again, she would still die with the murderer out for her blood, it's just that I ended her myself.

Everyone's probably dead by now.

You stared at your hands– your palms, swollen from gripping your murder weapon.

"...Jason Voorhees. I wonder if he'll kill me too..."

You trailed off as your head drooped, your previous high fading out as your limbs felt heavy. Wobbling your way to your bed, gravity did its thing and you fell on the soft sheets and blacked out, the distant ringing of screams but a mere lullaby to you.

—

The ever-rising sun warmed your slumbering form as its rays peeked through the gaps of the window, stirring you into consciousness.

You groaned, rolling away from the prickles of their heat, wanting to get more sleep from last night's events...

Last night?

You shot up, rubbing your grogginess away as the thoughts of the past evening came rushing in. You couldn't believe it. Or did you? Did you really do it?

Was it all a dream??

You brought your hand to your right cheek, the action so sudden that you smacked yourself, instantly regretting it when you felt like you've just planted your face on nails.

"God fucking—" You clenched your teeth and squeezed your eyes shut, muffling your scream. Little tears threatened to pour out so you looked up to keep them in. When the pain numbed down, you exhaled and panted hoarsely.

Well, damn me if it was a dream, that fucking hurt!

A gurgling noise.

Right, I didn't eat anything for dinner.

You sighed, time to take care of your business before anything else! You could eat a whole stallion with the way your stomach grumbled. You stood up and plodded to the cupboards where you kept your food. Unfortunately, you didn't have a horse at hand, and you doubt you could even kill such a beautiful animal, so some easy-to-open corned beef would have to do. Maybe two-three cans would sate your hunger.

Knock, knock.

"Yeah, yeah, wait a bit, I'm opening dinner... breakfast. Dinkfast or breakner? Mm." You responded nonchalantly, still lethargic from both the pain and exhaustion. You pulled on the ring of the can. And it resisted like a lil shit. Three more tries and it didn't budge. You slammed it down the table, huffing.

Easy-open my ass!

Knock, knock.

Yeah, right, the door. You moved to grab the knob and whipped it open. Your face met with a broad chest, a bluish, dark gray shirt stained with what looked like dried blood and dirt. Slowly trailing up, you froze as you met two blue orbs staring down at you from behind a hockey mask. Your jaw dropped.

The silence dragged on for who knows how long before you broke away and fumbled. Absolutely lost, you did what a totally sane person would do.

You stepped aside and invited him in.

"I, uh, come in then, Mr...Voorhees." You uttered, your eyes unblinking as you looked anywhere than at the killer who took careful steps into the cabin.

——

Jason trudged to the cabin you resided few hours after he finished cleaning up the mess. Ten meters away and muffled words followed by a silent scream reached his ears. Five large strides and he was at your doorstep, coming to a halt and contemplating on barging in and scaring you even more, or knocking.

Knocking seems to be the calmer option, although he was concerned if you were hurt again. He doesn't know why he's feeling such...emotions towards you, technically a trespasser but different...

A minute passed before he knocked, twice. You answered something about eating and made-up words. He knocked again after he heard you slam something down and huff. Before he knew it you opened your door and stared. You were a lot shorter up close, craning your neck up to meet him.

You looked at each other for a while, before you moved out of the way to let him in. Even going as far as calling him Mr. Voorhees, which baffled him. So you knew who he was. If so, why didn't you leave or scream at him? That and a bunch of questions ran around his head.

He needs answers.

——

You stood to his left, facing his side as you felt awkward. You were in a room with a mass murderer, a legend. What's more, you were the one who let him in. You pinched the sleeve of your navy blue jacket from behind as you rocked on your feet. Was he here to end your life? No, no wait, if he wanted that he could have done it when you were asleep. You're pretty sure he could break down the door and crush you with it and you would never wake up again. Same as just now but he...he knocked? What will you even do if he decides to carry out the task now? You were, by no means, fit to fight back. You can't even open a fucking easy-open can! He could snap you like a twig any second now.

You waited, resigning to your fate and wishing you were reincarnated as a rock in your next life.

"..."

Well, nothing happened. He just stood there, unmoving as he faced the opposite wall.

A grumble and he whipped his head to you, making you flinch. Curse your stomach for being such a whiny shit. But you couldn't resist your hunger anymore, you need to eat. Moving a step at a time around him, you took hold of the can and pulled, swearing when it didn't budge. You were gonna die at this rate, if not by the killer behind you then by fucking starvation.

You felt a finger poke your shoulder, not even a flinch as you were too frustrated to care at the moment. You turned around to face the man, he was looking at the can you were holding.

"Oh, uh, I haven't eaten anything? The damn can just won't let me have what's inside." Since when did you talk this much?

He gestured, his gloved palm exposed, as if waiting for you to give him the can.

You placed it in his hand. With one tug, ONE TUG, of his finger it opened. It looked like he just touched it and the lid gave away. You huffed in disbelief as he handed it over to you with two fingers. You grabbed a spoon from the drawer and started wolfing down the contents. If you were gonna die might as well be full.

When it was empty, you glanced at the other can on the table, untouched. You looked back and forth a couple of times between the man and at it. You guessed he understood since he silently picked up the can and opened it for you. The corned beef ended in your stomach seconds later.

You set the last can down, only to pick them all up and dumped them inside a garbage bag you set up yesterday. Grabbing your tumbler from beside the sink, you took large sips from it.

Wiping your mouth with the sleeve of your hoodie, you walked past him and went to sit on the bed. He followed you. You stared at the one who murdered everybody else, standing in the middle of the cabin.

"..."

"So...Am I supposed to die now?" you asked. You sneaked a glance at the machete in his holster.

He didn't give you any response, but he stepped closer until he was in front of you. You didn't look up.

The man raised his hand, and you shut your eyes, expecting the worst— only hoping it was painless and quick.

You almost jerked when you felt his hand on your head.

But what surprised you was how gentle it was, no pressure at all, not even close to a killing move. Then you realized...

He's...he's patting my head.

His hand...wasn't cold nor warm, but the way he did it was akin to petting a little animal; stroking the top of your head so softly you sniffled. This made him stop and step away from you, his hands waving— hovering around you it was practically comical.

"N-No, I'm alright," you answered his silent question. "It's just...I've never been patted like that before and I...It was nice."

You've been subjected to abuse and degradation most of your life that a gesture, one that meant no harm or malice, made you cry. You wiped away the wetness of your eyes before you looked at him.

"Thank you, Mr. Voorhees. I actually wouldn't mind if you kill me, but I guess you won't...?"

He gave you a soft grunt in reply, and you giggled.

The man patted your head once more, before he made his way out of the cabin, closing the door quietly behind him.

You let out a quiet breath. Jason Voorhees simply appeared on your doorstep, helped you with your food, patted your head, and walked out without a word.

It's crazy and it wasn't a dream— if the throbbing on your cheek was any indication.

You're happy though. More than happy to be alive.

[trillgutterbug]

Fic Writer Questions!

tagged by @palamedessextus 😊 thanks friend!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

64! only five more to the magic number ayyyyy and then i’m legally obligated to never post another one.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

289,575 apparently??? which seems way way way higher than i ever would have guessed, wow. who knew!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

31 on ao3, although that’s lumping, eg, all marvel subfandoms together. but i have a ridiculous amount of wips in all kinds of other fandoms that i haven’t/won’t post, soooo.... more than that! and i don’t want to list them all bc that’d be a long boring read!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

it serenely disdains to destroy us, a magnus archives fic that, i somewhat vainly note, has been orbiting in the top few top kudosed fics in the tag since i posted it womp womp.

concerning flight, because we all thirsty for thor/loki+gender and i for one support us.

untitled porny snippet (yes that’s actually what it’s called), because same as above. (i see u, kudos-to-comment ratio and i aint mad but.... i see u. all you dirty birds out there shamefully yet silently jerking it. kudos to YOU.)

an experiment in posthumous subsistence, a batman/joker zombie au i wrote fucking TEN YEARS AGO ALMOST. why???? why is this fic so popular?? i’m barely a good writer now and i sure as shit wasn’t one a decade ago! the terrible title alone should disqualify it from being read, but i guess the people want what they want. and what they want is batman and joker handcuffed together, trying to escape the zombie apocalypse  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

all good things, some stucky hydra trash party-adjacent smut regarding piercings. i stand by this one 100%, it deserves every kudo(s?) tbh.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do, depending on the comment! i don’t think comments like “loved this!” / “thanks for writing!” are written with the intent to receive a response (or at least, when i write them on other people’s fics, i certainly don’t expect one). they’re like an extra kudo(s?), and i appreciate them a lot, but they’re not really an invitation to Discuss. whereas if someone clearly has put a lot of thought into a comment, or asked a question, or made some observations that i jive with, or just seems like they want to engage, then hell yeah i jump in there. love that shit. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i guess arguably thine own self, which is some hydra husbands abo. laugh all you want, it’s one of my fave of all my fics lmao. probably specifically bc of the unpleasant/open ending.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

probably moderation is a memory! since it, unlike 99% of all my other stuff, isn’t just total smut, and the whole point of writing it was to wallow as deep as possible in the sauce of giddy teenage infatuation, it got the opportunity to have an actual emotional arc (more or less). furthermore i could not possibly bring myself to break johnny lawrence’s tender little heart ever, that would hurt me far more than it would hurt him.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i only realised while answering this question that apparently.... no i don’t write crossovers! which is not at all a deliberate choice, i guess a compelling enough one just hasn’t occurred to me yet! 

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

shockingly no! by some accidental miracle i’ve managed to fly under the radar so far, despite some of the really buckwild stuff i’ve posted. however, considering some of the stuff i’m probably ABOUT to post.... that clean track record might soon come to an end lmao.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

lmao. uhhhh. almost exclusively, and i guess??? all kinds? this is clearly a question composed by someone who does not write smut.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of, and i wouldn’t really care if i did. 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah i think a few....? a number of people have asked anyway and i always say yes, so probably there’s at least one floating around out there somewhere.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have! just once, and we really made it count. it’s called a reptile dysfunction, which should tell you all you need to know. 

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

thorki, probably. i always have and always will come back to it, no matter what. it’s got such a ferociously timeless staying power and so much potential variation, i don’t think i could ever get bored of it, regardless of what level of marvel-exhaustion i might feel at a given time, or what tropes, kinks, or stage of literary pretension i’m at. truly the oh tee pee. 

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

ohhhhh all 836575927 of them, but. there’s this one thorki fic i started almost ten years ago as an experiment with a new-to-me style, which turned out over the intervening years to become my main style, and looking back on that fic, which for many years was a touchstone of writing-to-aspire to for me, it’s actually Not Very Good lol. but i still love the core concept, which is a canon divergence berserker thor au, but not only is it a somewhat inaccessible (admittedly less so since the deadpool movies came out, which was a hilarious pipe dream back when i started writing it) x-force comics crossover, but i wrote myself into a bunch of corners and have yet to dig up the energy to write myself back out of them! i go and reread it every year or so and think “hmm... maybe now...” but tbh it’s just not really good enough to bother! perhaps someday i’ll repurpose the best elements of it into something new.

16) What are your writing strengths?

man, it’s so hard to say. in much the same way that you can spend hours every day staring at yourself in a mirror, yet be utterly incapable of picking yourself out of a lineup, i spend a lot of time eyeballing my writing, but stepping back it seems like a chaotic mass of nonsense with few cohesive throughlines. i’m good at writing smut, i know that much! and in that vein, i think i am good at smut bc i am very good at committing to the bit, as it were. getting into the nitty gritty of experience and sensation (physical or emotional) and rendering largely abstract internal concepts in fairly comprehensible ways. i think my prose is quite decent on a sentence level too.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

utterly incapable of finishing anything! or plotting anything! can’t mange a cohesive emotional arc! write myself into overly structured corners or out onto a vast plain with no structure in sight! all the macro elements of storytelling totally elude me, which is very frustrating when i have all this tasty fleshed out micro-level character stuff, but no narrative skeleton upon which to drape it.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?   don’t! unless you are very sure you know what you’re doing, and the other language bits are a) very few, b) easily contextually understood, and c) actually adding something other than a weird flex that you know google translate exists.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

11yo me wrote spock/kirk/janice rand and thought she invented the concept of a threesome. brand been stronk since day one 🤘. (the vulcan salute is right next to the devil horns in my emoji list, so....)

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i love the (ongoing) better with you series very much, not least because i’m still absolutely flabbergasted that i wrote something that long. i think it’s actually pretty good all things considered and it’s very dear to me on many many levels. but the fic that i just viscerally adore, that i love the style of, and that i had such a transcendent, invigorating, organic Experience writing, is temper its strength, adding honey until quite cold, which is a terror fic with the inexplicable pairing of edward little/hartnell, featuring crossdressing and gender stuff. it just burst out of me fully formed one day and i don’t think i’ve managed to top it yet! 

lowkey tagging @lingua-mortua @pitcherplant @kaasknot @froggy-babyy @deputychairman @nomercyonlytears @clockheartedcrocodile

[davidmann95]

Comics this week (12/16/2020)?

Iron Man #4: Still good! Every issue I remain surprised that this is staying good, and yet it does!

The Immortal Hulk #41: A real good revisitation from a completely different angle of the ‘here’s why regular superheroes can’t fix what’s going on here’ thread from way back in #7, and god between this and Empyre Ewing writes such a perfect Ben Grimm.

King In Black: The Immortal Hulk: Surprised this didn’t end up a direct follow-up on the dangling thread left behind from the Absolute Carnage tie-in, but this was excellent so I’m not complaining.

Solid Blood #17: A new Robert Kirkman comic (joined by Ryan Ottley) announced right before its release like Die! Die! Die! before it, this one has the added gimmick of dropping its seventeenth issue with no preamble. The actual comic...well, the actual comic is basically 1963 for the 90s in the most fun way (it’s even printed on authentically fitting paper stock!), but the seeds of something much stranger are established and I have almost no clue what to expect next, quite literally. It must be nice to have that sort of fuck-you Walking Dead money, and I’m glad Kirkman’s choosing to do something as weird and interesting as this with it.

We Live #3: This one felt somewhat disjointed, but still an excellent experience.

Stillwater #4: I cannot believe I’m getting and enjoying so many horror comics on a regular basis now.

Once & Future #14: I keep saying I’m appreciating and decently enjoying this book while not connecting with it, but maybe it is winning me over.

We Only Find Them When They’re Dead #4: Get this book.

Decorum #6: I swear to god this series might be the prettiest comic of all time.

Commanders in Crisis #3: I didn’t review this one for AIPT, but this one’s a bit of a bridge between the first two issues tonally, both as grounded and as weird as the book has been thus far. I’m ready for it to return to something more bombastic, but I still have zero doubt this is going to be an all-timer when it wraps. No character interview with Ritesh Babu on AIPT this month, BUT in its place @deathchrist2000 has interviewed Prizefigher for Comic Book Herald on the subject of an in-universe James Bond novel written by Steven Moffat, and it rules.

Second Coming: Only Begotten Son #1: To borrow a line from @deathchrist2000, that sure is the death of Krypton as portrayed by the writer of The Flintstones. That’s the opposite of a complaint for me, but that’s sure what it is.

Superman #28: Kind of a perfect ending to Bendis’s tenure, in that it ends up totally whiffing some great ideas even if you can only mind so much given the quality of the character insight with the narration, but then there’s a Superman Moment so perfect it breaks your heart. Very glad Bendis will keep writing him in his half-announced Justice League with Marquez, and that he said today he’ll keep writing him elsewhere as well (I continue to assume he’s working on a Future State-era Jon as Superman book). Let’s see how well Action can put even more of a bow on it next week even with that art holding it back.

Batman #105: Does the ending here totally make sense? Ehhh. Am I willing to forgive any lapses in logic that get us way more Ghost-Maker? Hell yes. Speaking of which, he and Bruce totally used to be a thing off-panel, right? That’s the vibe I got from the opening in a BIG way.

Catwoman #28: I’ve been saying I’ve been loving it but also been waiting for what it looks like when it gets out from under Brubaker’s shadow, and I think I’m starting to see it, and it’s definitely my jam.

The Batman’s Grave #12: So someone either didn’t see or didn’t care that I explained I had already checked with my store to ensure my purchase of this wouldn’t result in any money going to Warren Ellis, so they messaged me spoilers for the ending of the issue in an attempt to ‘dissuade me’ from any further interest. A. Wherever the motives there are coming from, incredible dick move, for the love of god don’t do this. B. They misunderstood what happened in the ending? Wild. Anyway, it’s fine but also Ellis’s fourth-best Batman comic, strange if not at all undeserved that his now presumed/hopeful final Big Two comic, intended as a huge prestige Batman perennial (still confused why it wasn’t Black Label) and sure to forever be pushed as such if not for outside circumstances, ended up one of his passable third-tier works, destined to be remembered only as “that Batman comic DC had to finish publishing even after it turned out Warren Ellis was a piece of shit”.

Rorschach #3: Standard policy regarding my comments on this series applying: it was good.

Dark Nights: Death Metal #6: This one...kinda blew? Totally perfunctory moving-the-pieces into place issue for the most part, one or two nice moments aside. What a disappointing capstone to a story from 2017 to now I largely loved, hope it at least delivers a few haymakers with the finale.

Tales of the Dark Multiverse: Crisis on Infinite Earths: Mixed feelings. The beginning and ending are the sort of slaughter in mass of super-dopes without fanfare and on such a scale that it reminds me of World’s Funnest doing the exact same scenes for comedy, but that middle chunk? By god, Orlando makes me give a shit about the JSA, and that’s no mean feat, plus nice to see him write a few great Superman bits on his way out the door. Speaking of which, I’m mainly parsing this issue as an expression of Orlando’s bitterness over said exit and his time with DC as a comic about a big swaggering puffed-up dumbass living for destruction before whom our heroes our powerless, and a man has to sacrifice himself for a queer kid in servitude to it so that they can have a future and keep building that world. I liked it in balance, but I think I found it more interesting than good.

(Since I’m mentioning two Orlando books in here, worth noting I read this week his and Ricardo López Ortiz’s The Pull on Comixology. I’m not clear if it was released in single issues - I can’t quite wrap my head around TKO’s publishing model - but it’s basically an unholy mash between shonen manga, grungy noir crime comics, and a Crisis, and it rules and you should get it.)

The Green Lantern Season Two #10: What a strange, messy, fascinating capstone to Morrison’s DC work this series has turned out to be, and holy cow how has this been Liam Sharp lately? When did he get on this amazing Frazer Irving shit? And how is Ultrawar gonna happen and be resolved entirely within #12, unless it goes for a more abstract “The Ultrawar was really inside us all along!” conclusion?

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews: Let’s Get Dangerous!

The Duck Knight Strikes Again as our Darkwing Double Feature concludes! Scrooge, the Kids and Launchpad visit the fair city of St. Canard. While Huey tries to work out how the seemingly world changing project Scrooge is financing for researcher Taurus Bulba .. um.. works, Launchpad and Dewey visit Drake, whose struggling to find any crime to actually fight, but soon finds himself tangled up in the case of a plucky young orphan, her missing grandfather and Bulba’s dark secrets and soon Darkwing and his new family find themselves the only three people standing between the world and it’s untimely end. Let’s Get Dangerous with a full review with recap and spoilers under the cut.

It’s time! I’ve been obviously, being a fan of both darkwing duck, if only finally watching it in full now, and superhero stories in general, and this show having told some REALLY good ones over the past 3 seasons including darkwing’s previous episode “The Duck Knight Returns!”, which I sadly didn’t get to in time before this episode. But this is a worthly replacement to conclude our double feature so it all works out. But yeah a big one hour special that changes the course of the season, brings Goslyn in, and brings in Darkwing’s old rogue’s gallery? Sign me up. And it’s also VERY clear that Disney has plans for a revivial/spinoff for darkwing. Besides this episode setting it up and Frank being very clear he has plenty of ideas for this big duckverse as a whole and is a massive fan of the series, there’s the fact Disney conspciously posted a trailer, 4 preview cilps (Though to their credit none really give the game away entirely and all but one take place in the first act, and the one that didn’t is so they could show off Stephanie Beatriz as Goslyn, which is fair enough). And if that werent’ enough, the killing stroke is that the episode is FREE TO WATCH on Disney Now, and likely on Youtube sometime soon given they usually do that when the make an episode readily avaliable as done with most series premires and, for some weird reason, the season 3 premire of big hero six. But wheras that’s probably just to drum up hype for an aging-ish series, this feels like a delberate move to drum up hype for the episode among both fans of the ducktales reboot and the old darkwing fanbase. The only way they could’ve been more transparent is if they put a giant sign at the end of the episode that says SPINOFF COMING SOON.. MAYBE.. DID YOU LIKE THIS? TWITTER US IF YOU LIKE THIS.. THAT’S THE RIGHT TERM RIGHT?. 

That being said I can’t blame them as Darkwing’s a beloved property, superheros are big right now thanks in large part to disney themselves with the MCU, and the fandom reactied with overwhelming praise to “The Duck Knight Returns!”, which is one of season 2′s best episodes even if the cliam that scrooge never went to the movies nor saw one on cable after 1938 is implausable at best and really dumb and I hate it at worst. I mean I get he wouldn’t love rising prises, but I seriously doubt Della wouldn’t have dragged him to one at some point or that someone wouldn’t of tried to get him to invest in theirs long before boorswan. It just dosen’t fit the character and it was dumb.. it’s also unrelated to this episode but I had pent up rage from preparing to review that episode and I might as well get it out of the way now. Point is this episode has a lot riding on it and had all the hype. So did it live up to it? Let’s take a look. 

We open in St. Canard, former wretched hive of scum and villiany and soon to be home to the second John Oliver Memorial Sewage Plant. Launchpad’s narrating and nearly getting everyone killed in a car accident as Scrooge argues with Bradford over the project Scrooge is on his way to see.. with the boys in two naturally. And since eveyrone else is missing and I had fun with it last time i’m assuming Webby is with Violet helping Lena with her burdgoening superhero career and trying to ask her out,  Beakly is tending to the house ,  Della and Penny are working out and trying not to admit there’s clear sexual tension and Donald is once again in the Pantry because he never learns. HE NEVER LEARNS. 

Anyways we learn their going to visit Tarus Bulba, in this continuity a famous and well loved scientist who I’m sure defintely won’t turn out to still be evil... yeshewillletsmoveon. Huey and Louie are excited about it because of Huey’s well established love of science and Louie smelling the money in a big inavation with Scrooge likely smelling both. As for Launchpad and Dewey their going to check in on Drake, whose living here now: Launchpad because he’s his best budy and possibly future boyfriend and Dewey because he needs more hits for his channel as he’s finally taken Dewey Dew Night to the masses. Bout time. Now he just needs a streaming deal. Make it happen Disney, D+ needs some animated series of it’s own. They also do a naturally terrible job of keeping the fact h’es a superhero a secret. We also breifly see drake doing a superhero dive before also comically tripping up and getting injured off screen. Cue.. Darkwing Colored ducktales logo as we don’t have time for the theme this week! And given this episode is an hour long that’s saying something.  Anyways Scrooge and the boys sans dewey head to meet Bulba whose a charming, gregarious man who quickly hugs the boys, puts them on his shoulders and snaps a selfie with the group. And he’s also familiar with the boys: Huey for wining the junior woodchuck science award and Louie for Louie Inc which ended before it’s time.. on public record. He’s a fan of both. And even given later reveals this seems genuine which I did not expect it to end up being anything resembling that. But we’ll get more into Bulba’s character when the time is right for now he shows off his invention: The Ramrod! While it shares the same name as Doctor Waddlemeyer’s device from the original, and as we’ll soon learn he made this one too, instead of a gravity device it instead can make ANYTHING you ask for, with Taruus wisely using Haggis to demonstrate. Huey however can’t help but wonder how it does what it does as surely what it makes has to come from somewhere though Louie tries to shut him up as he dosen’t want him to look a gifthorse in the mouth. I mean Horace gets self concious about it.  Meanwhile Launchpad and Dewey meet up with Drake at the reboot version of Darkwing Tower, where he’s set up nicely: Multiple costumes, gadgets, including arrows with his face on them, and the ratcatcher in all it’s glory. Seriously I do love motorcycles even if I’m terrified of riding one. It’s part of why yugioh 5d’s holds a special place in my heart despite card games on motorcylces being patently nuts.. but it’s in the best way possible. As for how Drake got this sweet setup turns out  Launchpad introduced him to Fenton who designed all his gadgets and presumibly his HQ as well as his snarky crime detecting and st.canard monitoring computer, W.A.N.D.A. Naturally he also is unaware he’s gizmoduck and freely shit talks gizmoduck again, though apparently Fenton does too. Granted Fenton could just be doing it to awkardly agree but it’s just as likely fenton uses it as an excuse to vent about his superhero alter ego, as we’ve seen that while Fenton loves being Gizmoduck he also resents it at time for keepiing him from doing science and getting glory just for punching people. But I love this dynamic, as Fenton’s just too nice for the old “they both hate each other and want the glory” dynamic to work, so Fenton untetionally pissing DW off as Gizmo but secretly supporting him as Darkwing is great and I can’t wait to see where this goes.  Before we get back to the main plot, and there is a LOT of it to get to, I just wanted to point out that Dewey seems an awful lot like drake.. i’m not saying he’s the boys father and Della simply didn’t knoow who it was mama mia style nor did she, in her more selfish form of 11 years ago want to know.. but that’s exactly what i’m saying. THanks to whoever sent me that theory, it got more fire this week.  Back on the actual plot turns out Darkwing dosen’t really have any foes to fight as while St. Canard has a reputation as a crime hole, Zan Owlson has taken over as mayor and cleaned it up. I assume in part because Glomgold seems to have no idea where she went and thus hasn’t done some elaborate scheme to show how much better off he is/kill scrooge mcduck. I mean let’s face it it always involves killing scrooge mcduck. His charitable contributions involve killing scrooge mcduck, his team ups with scrooge involve killing scrooge mcduck, his breakfast cereal came with a free knife and a map to scrooge’s house. Though I do defintely want to see Darkwing vs glomgold. I mean he’s not DW”s normal type of supervillian but still, tell me you wouldn’t see that.. and if your serious there’s the door. 

Anyways despite having no crime to fight and trying to bluff past it despite WANDA trying her best not to help his case, DW goes out on patrol with his boys anyway.. and procedes to just pose for several hours before trying to stop what turns out to be two guys moving furniture and being force to admit he’s not in a great place. He just wanted to fight crime and inspire people the same way Jim inspiried him.. before he you know went insane, tried to murder Drake and everyone on a film set then seemingly died but is now presumibly still in duckberg’s sewers.. or just as likely hiding in glomgold’s house hider in the house style.

And yes that’s a real movie in which a real gary busey lives in the walls of someone’s house. And funner fact it’s on amazon prime and I was unaware of this or I would’ve watched it sooner and will be as soon as this reivew’s finished. Possibly while this review is going on I dunno. Point is your lives are richer and we might have another possible spinoff/gay love story for Disney. Just saying Disney. 

Point is Drake is breaking down, but thankfully he landed in the right alleway as a small figure is breaking into the mcduck industirie’s st.canard branch, i.e. where Bulba is. Also I gotta admit while McDuck industries having a branch in St. Canard wasn’t a huge stretch, it was set up all the way in the pilot meaning Frank had the backdoor to set up an episode here since day one, along with every other major location really. Nicely done. 

Darkwing follows her and confronts her, stopping the seeming intruder from stealing the key to the ramrod device and finding out she’s a.. little girl? It’s goslyn everybody!

.... I .. why was this under clap. I mean it’s a very good message with a very nice garfiled head but i jus... what. 

Okay that’s better. Thank you Genie and thank you ghost of robin williams.. I miss you man. She escapes, though sans key and security storms in, with Drake looking guilty. After some banter with Scrooge who fails to recognize him which would be funny if it wasn’t utterly nonsencial. And utterly nonseical can be funny it just comes off less as “haha scrooge still dosen’t remeber him” and more “Wait you seriously don’t remember the guy who was crucial to one of your plans during the moonvasion and who got beat up on your behalf.. I expect better from you. “ Scrooge just dosen’t seem like the type to forget someone helping him in such a big way. He can be stubborn, stingy and selfish, but he’s not that forgetful. 

However Bulba enters, says he knows exactly who he is.. and we cut to a press confrence where Bulba is lauding him for stopping a dangerous intruder. Presumibly he vouched for Darkwing since he knew about Goslyn and it was an easy way to cover up her involvment and it’s probably not the first time she’s tried this. He’s awarded the key to the city by Mayor Owlson who, while not wanting more costumed vigilatnes, is happy to reward someone doing the right thing. And I .. love this. I was worried she’d be your standard I don’t like superheroes type mayor, the kind gotham keeps getting with predectable results despite you know, the bat family being vital for gotham not becoming more of a hellscape. Instead Mayor Owlson is grateful, respectful and only reasonably dosent want St Canard overun with heroes it dosen’t need.. yet. She may want to use the proper channels but she’s not going to try and run someone out of town or grumble out of them for trying to help her city. She gets it.  Meanwhile Huey’s hat explodes with with notes and what not, to Louie’s annoyance, though my boy’s excuse is utterly hilarious “It’s dewey’s hat”... boy still cannot lie. Louie is of course annoyed at him wanting to know how it works and possibly runining his dreams, but Huey is rightly concerned that he has no idea just how the Ramrod works or what powers it or what prinicpals it runs on. And it makes sense: Besides Huey always wanting to know how things work being his deal at this late point in the series there have been quite a few times, both involving huey and not involving him where something seeming to be too good to be true in fact was and had some dark secret behind it. Counting them off:

The House of the Lucky Gander: A seemingly swanky casino with the best water show ever turned out to be mostly an illusion created by a luck vampire. 

The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks: Beloved tech icon Mark turned out to be the con artist we all know and love as well as the jackass we also know and tolerate. 

Beware the BUDDY System: Beaks new driving robot turned out to be stolen bulb tech that Beaks hadn’t bothered to fix properly. I know Huey wasn’t there for that one but still. 

Day of the Only Child: Again Huey wasn’t involved but probably heard about it later but since Louie WAS, he should know better. Louie befriends rich kid Doofus Drake only to end up nearly kidnapped because he’s creepy as shit. 

Who Is Gizmoduck?!: While Huey wasn’t the target here, he and Fenton are close friends at this point and he was direclty involved. Beaks trying to sponsor Fenton turned out to be a scheme to steal the Gizmoduck Armor. 

The Town Where Everyone Was Nice: A seemingly central american town having a friendly festival turns out to be a carnverous plant monster that wanted to eat them. 

The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!: Fenton’s seemingly nice date turned out to be an industrial spy for .. Mark Beaks. Seriously he seems to love this type of scheme. Mark Beaks alone is reason for Huey not to take Bulba at face value. 

A Night On Kilmotor Hill: The kids being able to go into their dreams ends in Magica stalking and nearly taking back Lena. 

Quack Pack: A wacky sitcom wish nearly gets everyone eaten by horrifying versions of humans. 

The Lost Harp of Mrivana: While the Mirmaids werne’t responsible for the dark secret this time, their society was built on the philosphy of a man who turns into a giant sea monster and nearly lead them all to the same fate. 

The Trickining: A lost horde of candy ends up being a trap by a bunch of monsters to steal candy that nearly got them all eaten and hurt Huey’s feelings. 

The Forbidden Fountain of the Foreverglades: A two-fer as the resort their at steals youtha nd the fountain of youth they went to find turns out to need to drain it from someone first. 

And Louie was present for 9 of these! And the only one around for one of them! That’s what makes this frustrating: Huey and Dewey have grown, but Louie instead of learning from his mistakes, blindly trusts something too good to be true despite the fact he has a running tally of when that’s happened!  I get he’s lazy and dosen’t want this to turn out to be too good to betrue, but he’s too smart for him not to see the red flags or see that Huey’s not “ruining this for them” but has been through this enough, mostly with mark beaks or people around him, to see a pattern. It’s frustrating when Louie was given a whole season arc, and didn’t seem to have any of it stick despite you know nearly murdering his family and nearly getting murdered by a zombie. The show is better than that and knows it’s better than that and it’s one of the weaker points of the episode. 

Back to the stronger stuff though, it’s time for the moment you’ve been waiting for IT’S DEWEY DEW-NITE WITH DARKWING DUCK! I figured after the preview clips this was the one Frank had been hinting at all season and it’s finally here! Dewey, now fully on team darkwing, interviews the terror that flaps in the night.. and has a picture of him just coming out of the shower for some reason.. okay are Launchpad and Drake already together and no one told us? Whatever the case, Darkwing’s first big interview is interupted by Gosalyn. As for how she found them, she followed a combination of the resedue from his smoke bombs and Dewey’s livestream that’s been going on this whole time. As his attempts to hide Drake’s identnity and really this entire show up to this point has shown subtley is not Dewey’s strong suit. 

Gos, after snooping around a bit and even letting out a “Keen Gear!” for old time’s sake, and finding Drake’s lunch box and first darkness poster, reveals she came for help since she figures DW owes her one for last night.. or earlier tonight. The timescale in this special is really hard to figure out and only gets worse.  Gosalyn fills in her side of the story and why she broke into two places in the span of 24 hours. Turns out the Ramrod was in part created by Gosalyn’s grandpa, who was working under Bulba on the project. But one day Dr. Waddlemeyer found out the Ramrod was critically unstable and went to warn Bulba.. and never came back. Gosalyn wants to find him, and wants to DW to punch Bulba into telling her where he is. DW.. naturally does not and raises valid concerns: He’s an upstanding citzen whose offered his full support, has done nothing wrong in the public eye, and is nothing but nice to everyone and Gosalyn.. is a kid whose clearly in mourning, broke into two places, and has no evidence to back her up. He wants to help but he simply can’t and Gosalyn prepares to storm off herself.  However in a VERY nice moment, Dewey goes to her and offers to help, as obviously missing parents are a big button for him and he appricated the fact he had someone when he needed to look into his own missing parent and wants to be Gosalyn’s webby.. his exact touching words. It’s a nice call back that really ties Dewey into this story well: He has a solid motive besides crimefighting stuff to help here. Granted Gosalyn’s confused as she hasn’t met webby, yet, and Dewey’s puns don’t help, but as Dewey explains his Dewey puns to her and his name, Launchpad talks to Drake and encourages him to help her. Drake is in fact reluctant like Gosalyn thought for his image but also because as mentioned Bulba seems to belive in him And that’s. understandable. Since starting out, he’s had no crime to fight, no villians to vanquish and only one person acknowledge his work and existance and that person is standing right there. Bulba is the first person besides Launchpad to not only enourage his Darkwing Duties, but to honor that and got him cleared of possible tresspassing charges, a key to the city and an interview on the hottest show on the internet. This risks all of it. But Launchpad makes a good point.. that he needs to help those who can’t help themselves and while he dosen’t have to fight bulba, he can at least look into him. A look at his dented lunchbox reminds Drake that his best friend/future husband is right, and that he became darkwing to protect people like he used to be.. to help the helpless.. and Gosalyn is helpless right now.. plenty capable, but someone who clearly can’t do this alone. So the four take off in the ratcatcher.

The four sneak into Bulba’s office and root around, but end up having to hide when Taurus comes in, with DW hiding in his massive filing cabinet that resembles Darkwing’s own from the original series, that was retired since by now computers have made that kind of thing obsolete. Still it’s a nice nod. Turns out Huey is confronting Bulba as he genuinely dosen’t know how it works and Bulba is annoyed at all his questions. Really Terry there’s an easy way to fix that. 

But instead Scrooge comes in and while Terry TRIES to use him to brush off Huey.. Scrooge dosen’t bite and has learned to take Huey’s inquires seriously. And it’s something I didn’t notice about the series but love dearly now i’ve realized it with this bit: The Adults almost always take the kids concerns into considration and when they are brushed off it’s more due to personal issues, like scrooge’s pride, than because their kids. And given just how many hundred series have had the adults just brush off the kids issues like nothing, it’s REALLY refreshing that even reckless adults like Launchpad usually listen and that the kids competence isn’t entirely ignored just because of age. 

Bulba brushes them off by giving them the map to the ramrod.. speficially extensive notes on it that they have to carry out as a team. He then adresses Darkwing as he somehow knew he was there but again, is more than happy to help him with any investigation.. and it just so happens evidence Gosalyn was at least telling the truth on some level flies out of Bulba’s files as it shows a picture of him happily playing with Gosalyn and Dr. Waddlemeyer. 

Darkwing asks if he knows them and surprisingly Bulba is completely upfront about it or at least his version of events: Waddlemeyer was his best friend his close partner until one night he ran in raving about a problem with the ramrod and in trying to fix it, it backfired and then he was gone. Gos takes this well.. and tackles Bulba while calling him a liar and pockets the key toossing it to dewey as the two soon run from a pissed off Bulba. While Launchpad tackles Bulba away from the kids, Gosalyn TRIES to trigger the ramrod only for Darkwing to stop her. “I’m Sorry Kid but this isn’t going to bring your grandfather back” it’s then the entire episode is turned on it’s head. While, unfortunatley, the trailer gave away other dimensions would be involved, it didn’t however set this up “He’s not dead, he’s in another dimension!”

Yeah while it makes perfect sense in hindsight I dind’t see him being ALIVE ever being a thing, so well played frank.  Back with the rest of the family, Huey, Louie and Scrooge are diving around a stack of papers and Louie is sitll being a little shit, and not in the fun way in the “well not everything’s a missing mystery blah blah blah”... when you .. you learned tolerance for your brother two episodes ago. Thankfully this ends here..mostly because Huey ends up being right as Louie mentioning the misssing mysterys gives Huey his eurkea moment. Turns out the Ramrod uses one of them, Solego’s Circuit. Solego, based on the chaos god from the disney afternoon crossover something I missed on first watch, was in this universe a mad thinker who belived in the old theory that fiction is just a mirror to another universe and everything is real and found a way to open portals to other worlds. Problem was his methods were unstable, and could destroy the world, and likely the universe, if used repeadtly. Wuh-Oh

Back at the Ramrod, Bulba has launchpad on him, while Darkwing aand Gosalyn discuss things and come to the obvious conclusion: If Dr. Waddlemeyer was caught in a ramrod explosion then he’s likely out there somewhere and Darkwing clearly wants to help. Bulba TRIES playing diplomat again and mentoning that even if he’s out there the trillions of dimensions out in the multiverse mean he may be nigh impossible to find.. and the ramrod’s too unstable for that. This however finally backfires on him as Bulba had previously said it was perfectly stable, and has now fully confirmed gosalyn’s side of the story.. and since it is stable, if he’s not lying that is, then that means they can find Dr. Waddlemeyer and get the full truth.  Naturally at this point Bulba finally stops playing nice and knocks both over and triggers the ramrod which is now very clearly unstable from use and prepares to throw both into another dimension, also confirming that what happened to her grandfather was no accident. Thankfully Dewey arrives in the nick of time with a well place smokebomb and bulba gets hit with lightning from the machine giving him a scar and cleaving one of his horns. While Gos is able to escape thanks to launchpad it dosen’t last long and Bulba confronts her.. but soon makes the classic mistake of saying no one can save you now.  Cue Darkwing with the classic terror that flaps in the night speech. And unlike the original darkwing’s fights with Bulba, this fight is entirely in darkwing’s favor, as in a thrilling fight Darkwing beats the crap out of them then escapes Bulba’s fist , the only blow the man gets in this time. While Bulba still is a legit threat, he can’t match Drake’s speed or misdirection skills. However when trying to get the key, which Bulba grabbed earlier in the scene, Goslayn falls and Darkwing goes to save her. And while our heroes celebrate for a second with launchpad joining them.. Bulba has escaped AND still has the ramrod key. Uh-Oh

Bulba is of course activating the ramrod with SCrooge and the boys telling him to stop.. it’s too dangerous... but Bulba decides to get dangerous and pissed at darkwing, unleahses the fearsome four! Cue act break. We’ll be right back. Let’s have an intermission shall we. 

Okay break’s over. St. Canard isn’t doing great as the fearsome four have locked down the city, with Gizmoduck barely holding his own against bushroot and unable to get past, and thus meaning implicitly no one else from duckberg can either and with scrooge and the boys missing, Mayor Owlson calls on darkwing to save them, again giving her more points in my book as she rightly figures the guy dressed up as the hero from the tv show and playing him for reasl is the best person to face four villians from a 90′s tv show suddenly out and about and holding her city hostage. 

But Drake is spiraling a bit as these are super villians with super powers. This dosen’t quite work for me as A) He’s a super fan and thus should know their weaknesses and B) What.. what did he expect. Even the vast majority of Batman’s Rogues Gallery is super powered. But it’s a quick speed bump, understandable as Drake probably didn’t grasp the very real reality of fighting super crime. We also get to see all 4 classic DW Badguys int heir glory, and beating up bonkers, who apparently exists in this universe which is more suprising than it should be. HOwever Darkwing, ends up accidently coming up with a plan: capture one of them, get them to let them into bulba’s heavily foretfied lab turned lair, and use the ramrod to send them home and find dr. waddlemeyer. Easy. Well okay not so much as the two argue over Gosalyn coming along but Launchpad’s experince has taught him kids are the best adventuerers at all and they just need to be an adventure family. Gosalyn’s dewey, Darkwing’s launchpad and Launchpad’s the uncle.. not quite the right congifuration but his heart’s in the right place.. even if Gos refuses a family since she still has one.. even if you know she can always add the two of them in. Eh semantics point is WANDA found Quackerjack and Goslyn rightly points out they can handle just one villian. So they head out. Also during the scene Fenton tried to contact them but Darkwing semeingly brushed him off.. we’ll get to that later. As the camera closes in on Scrooge and the boys being seen as missing we find the boys at least as Bulba throws them in jail. Scrooge is still missing, though we’ll find out where he is soon enough. Bulba returns to his office to find Bradford. Unsuprisingly finding the circuit wasn’t an accident and Bulba was working out the circuit for F.O.W.L. this whole time. However Bradford also isn’t remotley happy about how big and bombastic things are getting. After all his modeus operandi is stealthy and quite not you know hyjacking an entire city with an unstable super science device and 4 villians from an old cartoon show. Bulba points out hey he wanted the world, this is the way to do it and when Bradford continues to push back against him Bulba rants: he’s just like scrooge or the waddlemeyers or darkwing no vision. Bradford may not see fowl as supervillians, which no dude you are just because you don’t operate in the open dosen’t make you not supervillians. one of you wears a hood for fucks sake. Supervillians don’t have to wear costumes just ask the kingpin.. or his lookalike bulba who has his newfound minons take out bradford and throws him in with the kids. Yeah maybe.. don’t downtalk the well intentioned madman. This is why you haven’t taken the world yet. But with both his bosses gone Bulba feels they need a big splash and takes Liquidator’s suggestion of killing darkwing duck, and sends everyone’s faviorite dog shaped liquid pitchman to bring him to Bulba. Side note I watched a few episodes to see if the series gets darkwing’s villians  down.. what changed. and .. yeah it ended up being irrlevant as while the four do get to show their stuff and liquidator, my faviorite so far and sadly the most underused, relaly gets time to shine, they aren’t really that diffrent. Except for bushroot who weirdly only uses godzilla noises now. Thanks I hate it. Otherwise though it’s pretty accurate to the series and hopefully wtih a reboot we’ll get full on reboot versions of all four. 

Meanwhile Team Darkwing stakes out quackerjack, with Darkwing still unsure of what to do, and Launchpad having brought snacks like a good uncle. Yeah while he did immitate scrooge for a second it’s clear he’s taking after donald. Awwwwwww. The two then procede to think over one of quackerjacks episodes and while gos goes to find him, they sing the theme song. Great. They do end up finding him.. and as in the episode it’s inside a giant mech.. that probably wasn’t cgi in the show.. or maybe it was but god it’d be awesomely horendous.. somebody make that. They narrowly escape him.. but run into liquidator instead. Wuh-Oh.  Meanwhile, literally as these bits are intercut but it was just easier to do it this way, Bradford is thrown in his cell and the kids are curious why he’s here, with Huey assuming he’s getting money and the kids breaking out with Bradford forced to follow, though caling Heron for an evac. Dewey actually has a plan: Since he knows Darkwing an Gosalyn won’t stop till they get to the ramrod, they simply need to find the ramrod and wait for them to show up and offer a way out, though Bushroot bars the way. Thankfully Dewey knows who he is as Launchpad naturally made him watch a LOT of darkwing duck but hey it came in handy and gives him something to bond with his birth dad over so that’s a bonus. 

The three make their way through, with Dewey singing the darkwing theme song.. and naturally being the one to trip the vines. our heroes make it out alive but bradford  is pisseeeeedddddddddd. And in his rage accidently says maybe a bit too much after dewey incorrectly assumes he’s never felt this alive in years. 

“I’ve never been closer to death thanks to your foolhardy adventuring! If you didn’t meddle with forces you didn’t understand Magica De Spell wouldn’t have broken the bin, the moon never would’ve invaded earth and all of reality wouldn’t be in jeopardy! SOMEONE HAS TO PUT AN END TO THIS!” Yeah this speech .. is damn good hence me quoting it in full and Mark Evan Jackson really sells it. While granted we knew this was what started FOWL trying to elimiate the ducks, that’s how we found out FOWL existed still after all at the end of last season, here it becomes clear that despite Bradford saying it’s just buisness and seemingly being business minded.. this is PERSONAL. He genuinely seems to hate the ducks and their adventuers and the damage they cause and seems to blame them and soley them for everything that goes wrong.

And I was going to say “Well he’s not entirley wrong” as their adventures have had consequences.. but as I looked through the episodes.. I realized I was wrong. Out of 60 episodes so far, the ducks actions have only threanted duckberg or Scrooge’s buisness a handful and most of those are Louie. They are :

Louie misusing little bulb in the great dime chase wrecking parts of the bin

The beanstalk incident from Jaw$, which Scrooge was called out on in the public. 

Gizmoducks messy bank robbery prevention in who is gizmoduck, easily outweighed by everything since. 

Destroying an underwater research station in the depths of cousin fethry which was in part due to natural wildlife. 

Scrooge’s flu and stubborness tanking stocks in “The 87 cent solution” not to mention destroying property. While yes Scrooge was being played by glomgold his own stubborness and the kids refusal to call beakly lead to it playing out longer than it should have. 

Ruined an expensive movie production (Which is partly Jim’s fault, but scrooge still didn’t get intolved at any point or have anyone more experinced oversee boreswan or even ever contact jim about a cameo. )

Louie nearly destroying time itself in timephoon.

Della giving the moonlanders the blueprints for the spear

And as you can tell almost all of them aside from louie’s two incdients involve some form of extenuating circumstances. While Chaos has insued it’s never been intentional and always been cleaned up. Even the invasion, as close a call as that was, was solved BY the family and their allies.. and glomgold, but hey sometimes you need an x factor.  Most of the duck’s actions have only backfired on themselves of people nowhere near duckberg or scrooge’s intrests and most villians gunning for them would regardless if scrooge was active or not: Glomgold hates scrooge for entirely personal reasons, Magica was locked up for good reason and while she got out due to the family’s rift, she would’ve done what she did with the bin regardless, the beagles just want their land back even if Scrooge rightfully owns it, Beaks maniuplated fenton to get the armor and now goes after him out of jealousy, and Lunaris was already going after earth Della just sped it up and did so in good faith entirely unaware he was a invader. These nuts would be gunning for scrooge anyway, and while some of it’s due to his life as an adventuerer, said life was started before Bradford was born. Scrooge isn’t responsible for guys coming after him any more than batman, or spide-rman. Sure a hero being around gives them reason to keep trying but it also means there’s someone to STOP them.  And more importantly, as I always intended to prove, their adventures have done more good than harm: Beisdes the obvious mending and extending of their family, with Donald and Scrooge patching things up and Beakly, Launchpad and especially webby being warmly welcomed in and Della finally finding a way home, not to mention their various allies, over the last 60 episodes our heroes have, and yes another list and a long one so buckle up. In chrnological order:

Brought clean, limitless water to duckberg, if through scrooge’s water company. 

Defeated a luck vampire that was kidnapping innocent people (Okay Gladstone’s probably mildly incident but even he didn’t deserve that) and likely left him unable to continue his scheme. 

Freed a lost and enslaved Egyptian civlization from a tyrant and brought them quite literally into light.. and gave them burritos. 

Defeated Zeus.. not really a huge change for humanity but given what a dick he is I’m counting it. 

Through Gyro’s invetion of the gizmotech armor and Fenton’s use of it, gave duckberg a superhero whose since cleaned up crime, keeps the city safe while scrooge isn’t around and is beloved by the city. 

Stopped a known super spy.. who works for Bradford but still. 

Defeated Magica, saved the entire city, and depowered her all in one day and all together.

Found an entirely new and giant species of plankton and gave their cousin a purpose

Destroyed an evil plant monster that had likely eaten dozens before that. 

Helped a man find his family’s treasured lamp

Opened a museum wing to share Scrooge’s various treasures with the world. 

Hundreds of years ago stopped a robber baron from bleeding a town dry. 

Donald selflessly possibly sacrificing himself in a dangerous rocket to try and get home to warn earth and his family of the coming invasion. 

Taught Lena how to love herself, got her to turn against magica, and then with Violet’s help Webby helped her return to life, and find a home where she’s actually loved and wanted and finally happy and free. 

Stopped beaks rampage.. granted it was with stolen gizmotech, but he still stole it int he first place. 

Gave the Drakes an adopted son who genuinely loves them and sucessfuly gave them finacial freedom from their cruel, sociopathic biological son. 

Stopped an army of scrooge’s greatest foes from stealing his company. 

Formed a resistance against the moonlander invasion, stopping it eventually with glomgold and the cousins help. 

After that stopping Lunaris backup plan to destroy the earth itself along with his own people. 

As a result of all of this, despite the invasion, introducing a new population of happy, repentant for their invasion of the world aliens into duckberg who have been loyal and hardworking. 

If unknowingly stopping Fowl’s own agent from killing everyone in duckberg. 

Saving a lost society of mermaids and helping them start over

Sucessfully saving a charity gala from hyjackers. 

Helping Daisy start the career she wants. 

Saving BOYD from being hyjacked by dr akita

Saving all of Tokyok from Akita’s plans for boyd.

Finally letting BOYD be his own boy and break free from his past. 

Defeating team Ragnarok and saving the earth from the end of days. 

Defeating the phantom blot while unlocking Lena’s powers, both saving an innocent child from death and giving duckberg protection from Magica once and for all. 

Helping penny adjust to earth giving Duckberg another defender besides Gizmoduck and the clan mcduck. 

Stopping ponce de leon from draining the youth from anyone else and restoring all his victims. 

So yeah five times the number of bad things they’ve done or money they’ve lost. For all the chaos it causes the ducks have changed so many lives and not just their own for the better. And I think that’s the problem: Bradford only sees thing in the terms of possesion in money, and helping people gets him NONE of that. To him all of this is just more risks to the world and his control of it. To him Scrooge has near complete control of duckberg, thousands of buisnesses, the potetial to grip the world.. and he uses it to seemingly endanger it and better lives instead of his own. I mean he has enriched his own but still. Bradford simply CAN’T see past himself or his own saftey and greed to see any benifit for anyone else. ONly himself and with scrooge gone the world is his, the world is safe, and the world is better. In other words.. he’s who scrooge ALMOST became, minus the effort to get things himself. A bitter old man who cares only about himself and his possesions and wants nothing else. We’ve seen it here and we’ve seen it in the life and times: Without his family scrooge grows cold and alone.. and without anyone to really care about Bradford is what he’d become.  He’sd also forced to eat his transmitter after blaming his outburst on his lack of medication. Wah Wah. 

Back at Darkwing Tower, after what feels like 80 years, our heroes squabble a bit as Gosalyn wants to run off after another villian to get to her grandpa while Darkwing wants them to get some rest while he takes care of some buisness> Gosalyn balks at this, all but shouts YOUR NOT MY REAL DAD! and then runs off to the overlook of hte tower. While Darkwing takes a call with Fenton at long last, Launchpad goes to comfort the girl. She admits straight up she was a bit hard on the guy she’s just desperate to find him. And it turns out darkwing as over hte last.. few nights? Wait....

I’m genuinely confused as the time skip at the end of act one indicated a day at most yet i’ts apparently been several and drake’s been loosing sleep over it? And even WITH the lockdown the rest of the duck family hasn’t barged in? I mean yes the four are keeping the gates shut but even with fenton trying, I highly doubt della has the patience to wait while her kids and baiscally dad are in serious danger, and they still have the cloudslayer/sunchaser and while yes bushroots pplans could stretch up it’s as simple as della flying up and then landing somewhere. I don’t think mayor owlson would complain TOO much about property damage and while scrooge would grumble he’d pay for it. Point is the timescale here is confusingingly worded. At most i’d say a day has passed and darkwing hasn’t slept since last night, as that makes more sense than “Whelp I guess our famiy’s been missing for days nothing weird about that. As I said the timescale for this episode is really weird and one of it’s few problems, the other being, now we’ve met them might as well get out of the way, how throwaway darkwing’s foes feel. They all, minus mega volt, get a moment to shine but they all feel like interchangable goons. Like any of them could’ve done any of their scens just swap out the gimmick. I do get this episode has a LOTTTTTT going on at once, so I get any character bits with them probably got shoved out and odds are we’ll get “real world” throughly updated versions next time, it just feels weird to make such a big deal and bring the fearsome foursome in and not either give them a bigger roll or have them stick around for the future, though as I said frank will probably remake them from the ground up for the reboot with new origins and what not, and some might intentional take after them like drake did with tv darkwing, so fair enough, just felt it was a bit of a waste but I understand it given the sheer amount of stuff to fit into a 45 minute special. 

Back on the actual plot though Darkwing’s been up all night conversing with Fenton trying to find dr. waddlemeyer. And Fenton sadly has no good news: Not only does the Ramrod have only one shot left in it before it breaks reality, but even if that gives them one shot to find Dr. Waddlemeyer.. there are trilions of universes out there. The odds of finding it before reality goes bye bye are slim to none. But Darkwing refuses to give up as he refuses to let Gosalyn down. It shows that despite his earlier fear.. Drake is a damn good person and wants to make up for not beliving in gosalyn, to help her anyway he can no matter what it takes. Gosalyn realizes she’s been kind of a dick and helps darkwing and herself get some sleep, and in a reversal of the scene from Darkly Dawns the duck, hums little girl blue to him. Awwww.. my heart.. it’s too full!. 

Back at the tower, the boys and bradford find the ramrod and bradford grumbles as he finds where scrooge is: trapped in the ORIGINAL ducktales reality, though using the remastered proportions and blue eyes. It’s a good gag especially since Bulba specifically trapped him in this scene. 

Beautiful. Bradford wonders how the hell he’s going to cover this up.. and Huey overhears him, having already been suspcious because while good at running a massive shadowy conspiracy, he didn’t you know, tell heron to keep it down on the transponder as the boys were around and her continuned interputions and his outburst earlier made Huey suspcious. Before Bradford can cover he starts coughing (With Dewey’s pricless injection of “Oh no we killed him!”) and coughs up the transmitter.. with Heron inconvently pointing out he’s fowl high command. He’s the bad guy.. from the kids point of view at least. But Bradford just chucks them into the 87 dimension where they stare blankly at scroog’es rampage. So now it’s all down to team darkwing.  Speaking of which their all asleep but Wanda wakes darkwing up and in another ddtd parallel, he leaves to take care of this himself, if without Gosalyn waking up this time. His reason is simple though: The ramrod has fired up and this is their only shot at getting her grandpa back. So Darkwing strolls in.. and once Bulba and the fearsome four marvel at his directness, Bulba sends them to knock his brains out and drag him in. Thankfully Gosalyn and Launchpad wakeup and while Gosalyn is mad for a second, she sees him getting drug in and finally realizes just charging in isn’t going to do it. .and since Launchpad knows DW like the back of his hand, he gets them in by dressing them up as Jumbalya Jake and the Bugmaster. I’ve heard of both though why the hell Frank chose Jumbalya jake over .. ANYONE else, is beyond me. Bugmaster is fairly popular, Jumbalya Jake.. is basically a less intresting fuzzy lumpkins. Regradsleess it works and our heroes make their way inside. 

Bulba is preparing to his big hyjack the airways villian speech, contacting the leaders of the world.. and killing darkwing, whose none to happy about it to show their serious with an ultimatium: either let him use the ramrod to change the world for hte better or else. And this seems a good as time as any to talk about Bulba.. whose utterly EXCELLENT in the reboot. And I loved the original but instead of just being a super comptietn villian bulba is instead a well meaning one. While he embraces the supervillian lifestyle and flunkies and flamboyance, he’s also just trying to remake the world, to make it BETTER than it was beofre, to end hunger, no traffic acidents. It dosen’t make him a good person, much like magneto or disney’s own toffee, the ends do not jusify the means and he’s likely going to destroy reality in the process, and it’s clear his own arrogance is at much at play as his desire to do goo dand anyone with valid concerns is just a doubting asshole. He’s a compelling villian and James Monroe englehart REALLY fucking brings it, creating a villian with style, a mission and competence galor. He’s really damn good and easily tops the original which is not easy at all, but props to frank for doing it. 

But before he can get started, Gosalyn throws the smoke bombs down all around and does Darkwing’s terror that flaps in the night bit for him, and the distractoin allows DW to escape and kick bulba in the face. A HELL of a fight insues. That’s one of the best things this series does is fight corpegraphy as while battles aren’t in EVERY episode, whent hey do happen their spectacular as Darkwing and Launchpad take on the fearsome four in one hell of a beautiful sequence. Darkwing and Launchpad plan to take the four on while Gosalyn gets to the ramrod. Gosalyn understandably questions how an actor and a launchpad are going to take on four villians with the two piping in that bushroot really isn’t na villian which .. I mean he KINDA is but the symapthetic kind that would probably give it up eventually but fair enough. I still like that nod even if this version is less adorakable traumatized plant and more...

Still Goslyn realises their power! THeir nerds! And with the power of fanboyness, and taking a few hits and refrencing the just us justice ducks episode I haven’t seen yet, their triumphant. Singed but triumphant. 

Meanwhile Gos continues to try and find her grampapapapapapapappapappaaaaaaaa while Bulba engages Darkwing and Launchpad. Jokes on him their already engaged to each other! She fails to find him but does find the ducks, who wonder what quackaroonie means and why their heads were round.

As the Ramrod rips a massive hole in time and space that threatens to suck everyone in. While Dewey encourages Gosalyn to keep going Huey tells her to stop... which.. Huey you lost your parent too, end of the world or not you can phrase it better. Otherwise top notch youv’e been the best this episode. And in one of the best scnees of the episode Gosalyn realizes what she has to do and despite Bulba tempting her with another relality she ddosen’t even consider it.. she shoots the ramrod with her crosbow, destroying it, with the final portal taking the fearsome four .. somewhere. I dunno? Cleavland..antis? I’m sure their fine. Bulba is knocked out though, and Gosalyn slowly weeps while her new dad consoles her. It’s a touching scene.

Thattt’s soon interupted with one last bit of unfished buisness as Huey suddenly realizes OH CRAP BRADFORD”S MISSING. They find him heading off in a marked FOWL helicopter, which Bradford points out the stupidity of but with Scrooge now having concrete visual evidence his head investor is running one of the oldest and deadliest spy agencies in the world, and their gunning for him decides to give a big of a gloat and tells Scrooge his adventure fantasy is ending while Scrooge remarks their world got a lot more dangerous. And yeah.. while I doubt Bradford will still brook over the top villiany, he now no longer has to hide his agents from scrooge or dance his operation around him and likely has enough embezlled funds to keep fowl going long enough to take out scrooge.  And yeah before we get to the end, thank god as while I love this review it’s been one of the longest writing experiments of my life., let’s talk about the FOWL overarching Plot and the interlocked missing mysteries subplot. The progress up till now has.. not really been great. Understandable but wheras season 2 had way too much plot this season took until thsi episode for the plot to really kick in. It’s been aggrivating and both fowl agents after you only crash twice .. really had nothing to do with them in their missions, with both only really using their resources. However.. as slow as it’s been, I will give credit in two places: 1, htis was likely done to get plots out of the way that were lighter and less tied into things, with only two exceptions in the next 6 episodes judging from the just released synposis for novemeber. And 2) the fowl episodes that WERE there set things up brillinatly. You Only Crash Twice set up heron’s lack of stealth and overt villianly, so her calling bradford a ton and bringing a marked helicopter did’t come out of nowhere, while last week’s episode hinted at the fact that FOWL somehow has acess to their own copy of finch’s diary or an equivleant. While we don’t know all the details. This episode also got the plot into overdrive by fleshing out bradford anymore, adding into his lack of liiking cartoon supervilliany by giving him a well and true hatred for scroooge and co. It’s not just the risk, he truly hates their lifestyle and LOATHES all of them and wants them gone.. and now he’s getting his chance. Overall it hasn’t been a bad plot and I get why it’s mostly in the back, but it still could’ve used some build up. But they worked well with what they had. I will also say the focus on Huey is ramping up with the last batch of episodes, so this really has turned out to be his season afterall. Good.  So we wrap our story back at Darkwing Tower as Gosalyn bemoans the fact her grandpa is gone. But Drake, for the first time this episode in his civies, softly encourages her to, much like him at her age, get back up again. She got blown up, buffeted around and lost a lot. but they WILL find him. Afterall Drake has a scientest friend who knwos another scientest, and until then.. she can be his crime fighting partner/implicit daughter. So Gosalyn, after so much rejection of it finally accepts her new family while Launchpad runs in to join them with dewey’s blessing. He’s not leaving the show ind, he’s just going to spend days in duckberg, nights in saint canard and sleep on the drive over, to Drake’s pitch perfect “What the actual shit bud” face. Gosalyn is happy, ,and Wanda has a crime for them to chase and our hapy family , back after way too long, heads off into the night to get dangerous. Wheew. 

Final Thoughts: God damn this was a long one. I mean it was an hour long but god damn I had a lot to say. But it was a good one. Minor flaws aside, a second watch showed off the pacing, great jokes, amazing emotoinal core, perfomances and plot progression. Unlike the Duck Knight returns the episode wisely ballances darkwing with the boys and scrooge, and interweaves them beautiful as well as finding a credible way for them to find out about FOWL. The game has changed.  I also saved the best for last as Stephanie Beatriz was fucking amazing as Gosalyn. While i’ve always loved her, she’s nice, bi and utterly fantastic on brooklyn nine nine why wouldn’t I?, and was excited I was both suprised by how diffrnet her gos voice is from her regular one, though shouldn’t have been as her rosa voice is also vastly diffrent.. seriously stephanie do more voice work your great at it, and Gos was rebooted well, sanding a bit of her hellion streak off while still feeling like the character and instead of just ignoring her grandpa’s death after one episode, making it inot a major part of her character arc here and likely in the future. It’s damn good stuff. The special really overall gets the spirit fo darkwing while making something, new , fresh and bold out of it and easily holds it’s own among the other specials. Nothing much else to say that hasn’t been said, this special was utterly amazing, go watch it. 

Now with that done if you like my weekly ducktales reviews, you can follow me for more, comment to tell me how i’m doing and i’m proud to announce.. follow me on my brand spanking new patreon! 2 dollar patrons get a poll once I have enough to do one of those, a discord once I get any, and 10 dollar backers get to pick a review for me a month! If you have the dough, please check it out and if not tha’ts okay. Until next time get dangerous but in the safest way possible, don’t forget to vote trump out and happy halloween! Play us out  Jeff Pescetto!

[apprenticedelilah]

day 2 of @lovelikeyoursfest with the prompt ‘caught red-handed’. originally, i wrote something completely different for this but decided this morning i didn’t like it so wrote this instead lol.

set a few years after asra and delilah first met, pre-canon.

delilah (mc) x asra

On the third night of the Masquerade, Delilah decided she’d had enough. 

Daylight was beginning to peek over the horizon as Delilah arrived back at her Aunt’s shop. The canal water glittered in the sunlight, stifled in places by discarded fabric that had been tossed by drunken party-goers in the heat of the moment. There was even a person floating downstream, shouting out the bawdy lyrics to a sailor’s chant and throwing wilting rose petals at people who passed them on the street. 

The door to the shop was unlocked so Delilah pushed it open and entered speedily, trying not to let out any of the warmth. She could hear her aunt snoring softly upstairs, undisturbed. Once she’d locked up, Delilah was ready to collapse into her own bed and sleep the entire day away to prepare for the next night of festivities. But when she dropped into her sheets, in her tiny bedroom at the back of the shop, something sharp poked at her stomach. Rolling over, she dug around for whatever had attacked her and pulled it out over her head. The pinkish dawn light coming in through the dusky window revealed a wooden carving of a dragonfly. 

Modelled after her Masquerade mask for that year. Her fingers brushed over its edges, still tied to her face.

She had two other statues in the same style, all the size of her hand. One was a butterfly, like her outfit for Masquerade two years ago; the other a fish, like her rainbow fish mask from the year before. Getting up, painstakingly, Delilah put the dragonfly with the other two on a shelf over her bed. She knew who the gifts were from. The only problem was that he hadn't given them to her. The statues had been left on her bed every night of the Masquerade since it started. 

And Delilah had had enough.

She'd met Asra at the Masquerade three years ago. Then, she’d thought that would be the end of it, but a year later, they’d met again and spent the whole week and a half of celebrations together. Maybe foolishly, Delilah had expected she and Asra would just magically reconnect at the current Masquerade. However, three days in and there was no sign of her fellow magician, save for the trinkets appearing in her bed. 

So, on the eve of the fourth day, Delilah awoke refreshed and ready for a hunt. It was her turn to take care of her aunt’s stall in the market near the Palace, but she only had to run it for a few hours before she could peruse the Masquerade at her leisure. The hours of selling ingredients and herbs and making charms flew by, Delilah always just aware of the crowd that flowed through the palace gates, searching for that familiar mass of white hair. By the time she’d finished her shift, Delilah hadn't spotted Asra at all. Which she supposed was a relief. If she had lost him in the Palace, she might have never found him again.

After closing up the stall, Delilah was determined to spend the rest of the night looking for Asra. She thought he was distinctive enough: white-haired and beautiful, every year appearing with a hand-crafted, fox-shaped mask. Delilah sifted through the crowds, always half on the lookout for Asra while she tried out foods at booths and pulled out swathes of glittering fabrics to examine. 

While she was listening to a rowdy young man in all black sing on a table beside of one of the canals,  she swore she saw Asra ducking through the gathering. But when she ran after the figure, they rounded a corner and disappeared.

Later, while she was taste-testing delicacies from the South, she saw a shock of white hair and practically threw her money down on the booth before chasing after it. But, again, the hair vanished into the crowd.

Back near the palace, Delilah wandered through the stalls, picking at costumes she could buy for the next year. She was reluctant to go into the palace proper and experience it for the first time in years without Asra, so clung to the outskirts. It was there, by the palace gates, that she thought she saw him again, a flash of purple and white and gold. The figure, almost certainly Asra once she looked closer, was crouched by the foot of the gates. People gathered around him, keeping a slight distance, as he brought water and dew from the grass up into the air and performed what she could only describe as a midair, water-puppet show. The vague shapes of animals wobbled through the air in a smooth and graceful dance. Delilah watched mesmerised before she remembered herself and started forwards, pushing through the crowd towards him. 

“Asra?” she called, over the ching of colliding coins being thrown at Asra for his tricks. At the sound of his name, Asra jolted upright, the water-puppets collapsing into a wet pile on the grass and splashing those in the front row. Beneath his mask, a wooden fox-face painted white, his face was deeply flushed. He threw himself to his feet and struggled through the crowd, who were still stunned at being soaked. Delilah faltered for just a moment before she burst over to give chase. 

Asra was slippery, dodging huddles and ducking down side-streets, but Delilah was just as determined to catch him. Try as he might, he wouldn't shake her. At least, that was what she had hoped. She had been just on his heels down one of the quieter roads, where couples were riding gondolas down a wide canal, when she tripped, toppling sideways into the water. With a scream, she crashed into one of the gondolas, throwing both her and the couple in the boat underwater. 

When she re-emerged, gasping for air, Asra was nowhere to be seen. 

Delilah dragged herself back onto dry land, discouraged and soaked to the bone. With a wave of her hand, she dried off herself and the drenched couple she had upended. The trudge back to the shop was excruciating. Though Delilah attempted to look for Asra, her hope had drained. She racked her brains for something she might have done wrong, to make Asra not want to see her again. Nothing. 

When Delilah shoved open the door, the shop was dark and slightly chilled. Her aunt hadn't returned yet. As she slid further into the room, she focussed her energy into her palm and illuminated the apartment with a small, floating fire. She used it to light the lanterns around the room. She was about to start up the stairs to put the kettle on, when something banged in her bedroom.

“Ouch!”

Delilah flinched, hand curling tight around the bannister. There was another bang from the back room, and Delilah was striding across the room towards the sound. Swinging open the door, light flooded in behind her, illuminating everything in flickering orange. There was Asra, in the middle of the room, leaning over the bed, clutching the back of his head. In the other hand, he held a new trinket, smaller than the others, of a fox. 

His mask had come free and lay scattered on the bed amongst the other carvings he had given her. Blushing, with a sheepish smile, he turned to the open door. 

“Lilah,” he said, slowly, “What are you doing back so early? It's barely past midnight.”

“What am I doing?” she exploded, blocking the doorway with her arm so he couldn't escape. “This is my home! What are you doing here?” Asra looked longingly over her shoulder at the door, then sighed, collapsing onto the end of her bed, head in his hands. 

He was wearing the same thing he always wore to the Masquerade. An ill-fitting shirt covered by a rich, purple scarf tied from his shoulder to his waist. Only his mask was new, carved with intricate curves to match the curls of his hair where it fell loose. His boots were still glistening wet from his water show at the palace. 

“I came to give you this,” he said, rolling the fox statue in his hands. Once she was sure he wasn't going to run, Delilah went to sit beside him, examining the carving in his hand.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Delilah couldn't have been sure he was, but the look on his face told her that she had been right. Swallowing hard, he pushed his hair back from his face to look at Delilah properly. 

“I'm sorry. I didn't want to. But my friend- Muriel- he told me it was dangerous to be friends with you. That it's not really friendship if we only see each at the Masquerade anyway. He said I should just forget about you.” Asra’s eyes flicked away, but after a moment to gather himself, he returned eye contact with Delilah. Trying to show that he was being honest. She appreciated the sentiment. “But I couldn't stay away. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to share everything with you. Even if I wanted to give you these, I thought if I just didn't see you, I'd be able to bear it.”

Delilah took in what he said silently, and remained silent after he finished talking for what felt like an eternity. He watched her as she considered what to say, the nervous energy thrumming from him tangibly. Then, with a massive sigh, Delilah collapsed back onto her bed, careful not to knock her head on any of the trinkets. Asra raised his eyebrows, following her movements with his head.

“I suppose there's nothing for it,” she said, trying her best to sound dejected. Hurt flashed across Asra’s face, but he bore it well, tensing his shoulders as if for a blow. Delilah reached up to undo her mask, but before she could start to unite the knot, Asra came forwards and brushed her hands away to do it himself. As he worked, Delilah continued, “I'll guess we’ll just have to go out together.” 

Asra’s hands fumbled. “What?” he sputtered.

“I mean, after the Masquerade. We’ll have to hang out if that’s the only way for us to be friends. Though I really thought we were friends already, Asra.” Delilah affected a pout, but couldn't keep it up when Asra looked so comically shocked. His lips were parted in a near perfect ‘O’, his jaw slack.

“I-” Asra began, then cut himself off. A smile split his face apart and with a huff of relieved laughter, he dropped down onto the bed beside Delilah. She heard a hollow sound as his head hit the edge of his mask, but he seemed unaffected, turning to face Delilah. “I'm so glad. I didn't want to have to keep sneaking in here for the rest of the week.” 

Rolling her eyes, Delilah shoved his shoulder, stifling her own laughter behind her hand. “How did you even get in?”

Winking, Asra sat up, leaning over Delilah. His hair hung like a curtain over their faces, cutting them off from the revelry just beyond the door. “A magician never tells their secrets,” he teased. Delilah made to push him again, but Asra rolled out of the way, leaping to his feet. With a flourish, he retrieved his mask and held out his hand for Delilah. “Come on, we still have a bit of time before sunrise. Want to borrow a gondola and see the fireworks?” 

Snorting, Delilah let him pull her to her feet. As he re-tied his mask, Delilah put up all her statues over her bed and fixed her outfit. “Don’t you ever stop to rest?”

Asra’s smile was lopsided and bright as he hooked his arm through Delilah’s, leading her out of the shop. “Why would I want to waste a single, precious moment with you?” he returned, expression warm and moonlit and just a little bit lovesick.

[choupichoups]

Press F (Instagram/College AU) 

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post. 

He smiles down at the screen, scrolling through the hilarious comments on the post. The exaggerated marriage proposals are probably his favourite because, honestly, same but he’d never be caught dead saying shit like that. Even as a joke.

Maybe.

Lucas sinks deeper into the couch, dimming the brightness on his phone screen just in case Yann happens to look over at some point. It’s not like Yann doesn’t know what he’s up to most of the time, but he’d still like to save himself from some of the teasing, thank you very much.

“Did you see that?” Yann yells at no one in particular, fully engrossed in the game they’re playing. Or they had been playing, since Lucas died in the game a good few minutes ago. He’s got better things to do anyway— like check the guy’s profile for any new updates he might have missed. Lucas isn’t exactly on top of his game when it comes to keeping up with Instagram but ever since his great discovery, he’s spent more time scrolling through the app in more recent times that his entire high school years combined.

“I’m doing another round of this before we switch up the game, okay?” Yann murmurs, already pressing the buttons before Lucas even replies. The latter shrugs, doesn’t care whether he gets to play for the next while. He’s much too preoccupied staring at the new photo he’s been graced with.

The dude, the myth, the legend. Eliott Demaury.

Lucas found out about him nearly two months ago— or more accurately, he found Eliott’s short film, Polaris, while scrolling through Youtube one dull Friday night. He’d watched the entire thing at three o’clock in the morning and promptly obsessed over it for the next couple of hours. Finding the director’s Instagram and seeing a puzzle posted on it hadn’t doused his interest either. If anything, that just made it worse. His last two braincells had worked in overdrive trying to rewatch the film and solve the puzzle at the same time.

Needless to say, he’d managed to find Eliott’s personal account in the end but the feeling of accomplishment only lasted until he saw that quite a lot of people had also found it. Mr. Demaury, has, in fact, half a million followers on his Instagram and Lucas could have probably found it easily if he’d just googled it instead of driving himself nuts figuring out what the riddle meant.

“Man, this is too hard.” Yann groans from beside him and Lucas can only assume he’s lost another round. He offers a vague noise of sympathy for his friend. “Are you really doing this right now?”

“Hm?”

“You’re really out here stalking your man during our we time?”

Lucas drags his gaze off of Eliott’s majestic photo so Yann can get a full view of his frown. “Our what now?”

“This is our time, Lucas. Best friend bonding time. 22h to 24h, it’s on the contract.”

He starts laughing, can’t help it when faced with the truly affronted expression all over Yann’s face. “What contract?”

“You signed it when you were like two years old.”

“Uh huh.” Now certain that Yann’s just talking nonsense, Lucas returns his attention back on his phone. “Legit age to be signing contracts.”

Yann doesn’t say anything but he steals Lucas’ phone from his grip and holds it out of reach when Lucas scrambles to get it back. “You don’t even follow him, what the hell?”

“That doesn’t matter, give it back!”

“So what, you just search up his profile all the time?”

“What about it?”

“That’s so sad, Lucas.”

“Shut up,” he says, snatching his phone back once it’s finally in his reach. “Imane knows this guy, I won’t hear the end of it if they get even a little hint that I’m looking at— Yann!” he screeches, shaking Yann’s shoulder with one hand while his other holds the phone up to his face.

The horror in his voice must be evident because Yann immediately straightens up, dragging Lucas close so he can take a look at the screen as well. “What?”

“Oh no… oh no no no.”

“Oh shit.”

“What do I do?!” Lucas waves his phone at Yann, almost decking him on the nose in the process. Yann stills him, shaking his head at the bright red heart below Eliott’s post. “Do you think I should unlike it? I can still do that right? He won’t see the notification, he gets a lot anyway.”

“No, man, that just makes it weird.”

“But…”

“You have to follow him.”

Lucas gives him a withering look. “Are you serious right now?”

“It’s natural! You like the post, okay, chill, next you follow. He gets lots of notifications, as you said. By the time he checks back, 200 other people would have followed him too. Wait a couple more days then unfollow and unlike.” Yann rubs at his back, sounding so sure of himself. “Then you can go back to your sad stalking ways after that.”

He shoves at Yann with a scowl, making sure to kick at his friend’s limbs as he slides off from where he’d basically crawled into the other’s lap in a desperate bid to retrieve his phone. And look where all that effort has gotten him.

“You sure that’s not weird?”

Yann throws a pillow at his face. “I already said it’s natural. Honestly if somebody did that to me I wouldn’t think anything weird of it.”

“Okay.”

Lucas hits the follow button, closes out of the app, and shoves his phone under the cushions. Whatever happens next is a problem for tomorrow.

He doesn’t go back on Instagram until well into Tuesday evening, choosing instead to finish all of his homework and maybe do a little bit of reading ahead of time for his biology class. It’s a wonder how much one is capable of getting done while avoiding the thing they usually obsess over.

But he’s only human. So letting go of all the self control he’s managed to conjure up the entire morning, he pulls up the app and slowly scrolls through the new content. He doesn’t know why he’s dreading this so much anyway— literally nothing is probably going to happen. Eliott won’t even notice the new addition to his massive following and Lucas would be able to see his posts without having to search up his username all the goddamn time. It’s a win-win.

Lucas doesn’t curb the smile pulling at the corners of his lips, even though a small part of him is a little disappointed. Not that he’s expecting anything to come out of this ridiculous infatuation anyway but knowing what Polaris is paired with that caption, the post sounds increasingly more romantic the longer he thinks about it.

So Eliott’s taken already. That’s cool. Great. But this is nice, at least, Eliott’s posts being readily accessible for him like this. Maybe he shouldn’t have made a big deal about following the guy in the first place. Only Imane seems to know both Eliott and Lucas anyway and she’s not the type to unnecessarily pry into other people’s business. 

He still doesn’t hit like on the post though. He has to be subtle about this, he’ll wait a couple more posts to go before liking another one. Lucas is extra careful to avoid double tapping the screen when he goes back to his feed, no longer holding his breath for a catastrophe as he mindlessly goes through other new posts and notifications. 

Which explains why he’s entirely too unprepared for what happens next.

srodulv started following you.

He clutches at his phone with both hands, forcibly shoving down the urge to scream and throw his phone out the window. He’s ill-equipped to deal with this. It’s not supposed to happen; Eliott shouldn’t have noticed him and Lucas should be free to get on with his life without knowing that some god in human form has probably seen the dumb photos he posts with him and the gang and— oh god, what did he post during that party last week again? It doesn’t look too stupid does it?

Lucas frantically skims through his own profile, wanting to shrivel up and die for every post he finds way too embarrassing to be seen by the guy. 

The apartment door creaks open and Lucas throws himself off his bed, running out to the living room and most likely startling Yann out of his mind but that doesn’t matter right now.

“Yann!” he yells out, reminiscent of the panicked tone he’d used the night before.

“Huh?” Yann turns around, dropping his bag on the floor as he slips out of his shoes.

Lucas stands in front of him, holding out the phone over his head like it’s Simba. “He noticed me,” he whispers as if there’s a chance that anyone else would hear them.

“Who?” Yann looks from Lucas’ wide eyes to the phone in his hand. The screen is eye level for Yann so he merely peeks up to see what all the fuss is about. “Oh.”

And then Yann starts laughing. Lucas, personally, doesn’t find anything amusing in this situation.

“Can you stop that? I’m so stressed out right now,” he huffs, bringing the phone back down to his chest so he can stare some more at the notification that changed his life.

“Sorry, you gotta admit it’s a little funny.”

It’s not, but okay. Lucas continues frowning down at the screen, wondering if it would be too weird to mass delete half of his old posts.

Yann takes his phone away before he does anything stupid.

“You said he won’t even realize,” Lucas mumbles miserably, mind flashing back to that one stupid meme he’d posted about three weeks ago. God, Eliott’s going to unfollow in the next ten minutes.

“I’m not right about everything. Anyway, isn’t this a good thing? The guy only follows like 20 people and you’re one of them.”

Wait, what?

He reaches up, tilts his own phone in Yann’s hand so he can confirm that with his own eyes.

And okay, maybe that makes him feel a little giddy inside. Deep down. Just a little.

“Congrats, man. Not everyone gets noticed by their crush.” 

“I don’t have a crush.”

“Sure.”

“Shut up.” 

His phone beeps with another notification and they both look down at it simultaneously, like birds honing in on loose bread. It’s almost comical the way they gasp in unison when the notifications start popping up. From instagram user srodulv. Eliott. Eliott’s straight up just… liking a lot of his posts. Embarrassing memes included. 

Yann opens his mouth to say something but Lucas grabs the phone out of his grip and runs back into his room, shutting the door so he can freak out in peace. 

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

[eternaljouska]

Over the Narita Sky - Choi Seungcheol

Pairing: Seungcheol x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,842

Notes: 1. This was supposed to be for his birthday :) 2. This was supposed to be finished yesterday :) Well, at least here we have it done, and it’s still August :)

“Hey, Cheol! Over here!” you shout out as soon as you catch the glimpse of your long-time boyfriend behind the masses of men that are his band members and crews. He finds you instantly and his face lights up, seeing that you’re skipping your way through the busy airport towards him. Seventeen has just wrapped up their activity in Japan with a three-day mega concert in Tokyo Dome and now is on their way to Las Vegas for BBMAs. You can see the exhaustion framing Seungcheol dark eyes as well as the other members’. They always remind you how easy it is for their excitements to freshen them up again, but still, it’s a hectic schedule. The most rest they can get is the one day off before rehearsal. And for this reason, you’ve turned down your boyfriend’s original plan to pick you up in Seoul and then fly from there to McCarran International Airport. Because that, you imagine, would be such a great hassle.

You’ve been waiting in the gate only for about fifteen minutes when you saw them marching in. You didn’t really pay attention to your surrounding, only facing up once in a while from the captivating video you’re playing on your phone, fancams from last night’s concert. It was so sad that you couldn’t attend any of those three-day concerts because you’re doubling as your cousin’s wedding organizer and bridesmaid, which you would consider as an insanely terrific experience because how could someone do that? You’re planning a wedding but then you’re basically leaving it be as if you’re certain that nothing could ever go wrong and you could just stand and look pretty as the bridesmaid. But you made it.

And so did Seungcheol. He made it through the concerts with no injury and with a high spirit still—credit goes to the pictures of you on your salmon pink bridesmaid dress. But to be perfectly honest, you not being there took a toll on him, and pictures could only do so much. Sure, he’s a leader you could count on to and he’s also good at hiding what he’s actually feeling if he wanted to. But when it comes to you, he’s just a complete baby. And even right now, he’s walking to you in childlike strides and with a pout on his face.

When he arrives in front of you, the pout on his lips turns into a straight line which makes the dimples on his cheeks more prominent. “Babe,” he whines as he stares at you, who had stopped too many steps away from him.

You understand right away what he tries to express in that one word, his expression telling you everything you need to know. He missed you, and he came to the airport with an expectation, which you obviously didn’t fulfill.

 “Why didn’t you come up to me to hug me or something? I thought when we’re on the phone you said you missed me,” he grumbles and in turn, you laugh.

“I was distracted. I just finished watching the videos of a special someone spitting fire on last night concert and the pouty baby in front of me is such a polar opposite to that person, you know. I wonder how that’s possible.” You nudge him when he deliberately trying to shy away from your gaze.

“But still, how could you not run to that person when he’s literally a few feet away from you.”

“Oh my god, see! You’re such a baby! Did you miss me that much, huh?” You let out an airy chuckle before you stand up and link your arm with his. “Come on, let’s take a walk around. We still have, what, twenty, twenty-five minutes before check-in? I’m sure once your members get the timing right and circle us, they’re gonna tease you to death.”

You walk hand in hand visiting every shop with no intention of buying anything. There’s one that looks like a mini-market, and it has all kinds of instant noodle you can imagine. You audibly gasp and point at the stacks of noodle packages excitedly. “Cheol-ah! Look at that! It’s- Oh my god, that’s a lot of noodles!”

And then there’s another shop that sells assortments of soft cakes and chocolates. They have banana cake in the shape of a sliced banana, hello kitty soft cakes, Dorayaki, which you love, and various others. Again, you don’t buy anything. You just take the small pieces of cakes the shop assistant offers you. Seungcheol insists that you pick something, but of course, you insist back, saying that something is too sweet or not of your taste or that you don’t really want it at all. But it’s just that you don’t like him spending money on you. This whole trip, it’s on him, and you don’t want to add more to that, however small the addition is.

Seungcheol knows of this, but he can’t really do anything. Well, at least, anything other than buying you stuff behind your back. Just like how he secretly booked you your flight ticket here, he bought you a pack of a dozen Dorayaki. Only one, though, so that he can fit in inside his already-packed backpack. He can already see the way you’d sigh and scold him because of it, but he can save that image for later when you actually do sigh and scold him. Right now, he’ll just revel in the way your eyes light up at the littlest thing that piques your interest as you continue your walk.

And then you sigh, and Seungcheol feels that he’s on the border of panicking, thinking that you’ve caught him, but that was until he notices the contentment that framed your sigh. “I always love this airport,” you begin and Seungcheol let go of the breath he’s holding since a few seconds ago. “It feels airy and light. All these glasses and high ceiling. But you know, there’s always a downside to everything. Somehow, even though I’ve been here, like, at least thrice, I still have a hard time finding the restroom, like, all the time.”

And Seungcheol bursts in laughter, classic Y/n.

“That’s true! Really! It feels like they’re too far apart or whatever,” you say, laughing with him as you see the comical quality of your sentence. Seungcheol frees his arm from yours only to wrap it around your shoulder, and you feel grateful for the proximity it offers. “Anyway, I want to live here,” you start again after some time, earning you one surprised look from your boyfriend.

“What? Here? As in this airport?”

You shoot him a look before answering, “No, you silly! In Tokyo.”

“Why? Because the airport is good?”

You shoot him another look, causing him to chuckle.

“You hate living in a big city, though.”

“Well, then, Kyoto?”

“Is it a small city?”

You giggle at that because you don’t know, and as you exaggerate a shrug, you tell him just that. “I don’t know. I know nothing about anything, you see.”

He looks at you incredulously and asks, “Then how do you come up with Kyoto?”

“You know, there’s this poet. He wrote a piece of Tokyo and another of Kyoto. They’re beautiful, the way the pieces are connected to each other. And, uh, Tokyo and Kyoto, you reverse one and you get the other. Tokyo, Kyoto, Tokyo, Kyoto,” you explain while flipping your palm up and down after you say the name of each of those two cities.

��Is… that why you like the poetries?”

“Hey,” you whine, “I told you they’re beautiful! That Tokyo-Kyoto thing just adds to its value for me. I’ll show you later, you’ll see just how beautiful those pieces are, ugh. Anyway, I like the Kyoto one better.”

“So… We’re moving to Kyoto because of that?”

“Uh”—you stop walking and turn to face Seungcheol—“are we now?”

He follows your action and replies bluntly, “No.”

Then you both laugh together before falling into a comfortable silence as Seungcheol tightens his arm around you and the two of you walk back to your designated gate.

“Cheol-ah, look at that, it’s beautiful,” you say, motioning to the sky outside the plane’s window beside you. “The clouds are so neat and white and pretty. And there’s just the perfect amount of sunlight, in addition to the shade of blue that the sky has. It’s so calming. Somehow, everything’s so calming.”

“So it’s Tokyo?” Seungcheol prods.

“Huh?”

“The one that makes you feel calm.”

“Huh?” you say again, not quite comprehending his words.

“Not me?” he finally asks the core of his previous question, prompting a chuckle from you. But then instead of answering further, you look out the window again, settling on a rather mellow expression.

Seungcheol sighs as he reaches for your hand, knowing exactly what you have in mind. “Hey, I’m sorry that you’ve never had the chance to go beyond the airport, not even to our hotel. But next time, we’ll travel, yeah? Tokyo, Kyoto, wherever you want, hmm?”

You snap your head around to face him. “Cheol, that’s not- You don’t have to—“

“Shh.”

“But I don’t want you to—“

He cups your face and runs his thumbs on your cheeks, their warmth immediately paints red on your face. “I want to,” he states firmly before he falters, “And, uh, you’re wrong.”

“Huh? Wrong? About what?”

One of Seungcheol’s palm releases your cheek to straighten the line forming on your forehead. “About knowing nothing about anything. You know a little thing about something. And that’s the only thing that matters.” He chuckles when that line only grows deeper at the end of his sentence.

“I know a little thing about something? What? That sounds weirdly complicated, Cheol,” you protest.

“You know a little thing about me. In fact, you know almost everything about me, every little thing.”

You scoff, “Impossible!”

“Well, will you continue to learn then?”

“As long as you’ll do the same.”

“Easy thing,” he shrugs, bringing his hands away from you and folding them in front of his chest.

You raise your eyebrow at him, completely amused by his answer. “Uh-huh?”

“Yeah.”

“You cocky little man.”

“What?!” he exclaims in half a whisper, “You sure you’re talking about me?” Seungcheol wiggles his eyebrows and nod towards the seat behind yours, which as it turns out, is occupied by one sleeping Jihoon. Your eyes grow big in terror, but you can’t help the laugh that’s coming out of you, and neither does Seungcheol.

“Alright. Come here,” he says in the end, bringing your head to his shoulder, “and, uh, I might have bought a box of Dorayaki for you.”

“Seung—“

“I want it, too, okay? If you don’t want it then I can eat everything.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Whatever you say,” you mumble as you throw your gaze outside the window again, biting down a smile at how his palm mindlessly rubs at your arm and his head comfortably rests atop of yours.

[despair-tummy]

A bottom heavy Gun.dam X Hajim.e fic for a trade.

[[MORE]]

Hajime held back a sigh, taking a moment to shut his eyes and rub his temples. College life was difficult, he expected that. But the number of tests to study for and essays to write was starting to wear him down. He glanced at the clock, it was roughly two in the morning. Fortunately, his classes for tomorrow (or more like today) weren’t going to start until later in the afternoon, so he figured he could stay up later and squeeze in a bit more studying before he called it a night.

He sat cross-legged on the floor, a textbook in his hands, a neat collection of jot notes on the floor and a bottle of water to sip from as he read and added to his notes. A yawn escaped his lips, he tiredly rubbed his eye. Maybe he should get some coffee? Or the very least a snack to give him some energy.

The moment he set his textbook aside and stood up, the door to the apartment room he and his boyfriend shared had opened. Right away Hajime was hit with the greasy smell of fast food the moment Gundam stepped inside, armed with a brown fast food bag under his arm.

“Praise me, mortal, for I have brought salvation to this pitiful realm!” Gundam announced as he strode on inside.

“Oh sweet, you bought food,” Hajime said, watching him set the bag down on the coffee table.

“But of course, what kind of supreme overlord of ice would I be if I didn’t provide those loyal to me proper provisions,” Gundam announced as he dug through the bag, which was packed with copious amounts of burgers.

Unlike most people, Hajime didn’t comment on the amount his boyfriend got. He grew accustomed to Gundam bringing home large quantities of food at random times, especially when it was late and he was in need of a snack. He fished two burgers out of the bag and allowed Gundam to have the rest like always.

Gundam’s recent spike in appetite often led him to do this often, Hajime supposed it was just the freshman fifteen’s way of sneaking up on them... well primarily his boyfriend.

Both of them unwrapped a burger from its paper wrapping and tucked into one. It only took Gundam three quick and large bites before his burger was gone, sure enough, he reached into the bag for a second one.

Ever since they started attending college, his boyfriend developed a taste for fast food. And it showed. Hajime wouldn’t call Gundam fat, but the influx of food seemed to go straight to the lower half of his body. Giving him a very pear-shaped figure, especially if you took into consideration just how big the extent of his thighs widen too, his plump and round not so little rear, and just the smallest little hint of a soft tummy. Once again, not exactly fat, getting there? Possibly. But... well for a lack of a better word, he was thicc.

“Feast, for tonight we will put our abilities to the test!” Gundam announced loud enough for the neighbours next door to them to yell at him to be quiet. Hajime guessed it was only a matter of time before they eventually complained to the landlord. But to be fair, these walls were paper thin.

“Thanks for grabbing these, I was thinking about getting a snack,” he spoke, deciding to stop thinking about any future noise complaints and to focus on eating.

Hajime unwrapped his burger, biting into it as he watched Gundam start his second one. As per usual when his boyfriend ate, he tore into it with gusto. Polishing it off in three big bites, still chewing the last bit as he reached into the bag for another. Repeating the process for each and every burger.

Gundam must have been on his third one by the time Hajime finally finished his first. He was too distracted watching Gundam eat, packing away each and every burger like it was nothing.

“Do you intend to let that power restoring morsel go to waste?” Gundam inquired as soon as he swallowed.

“Huh?” Hajime blinked, only now just realizing how long he must have been staring. He looked down at the second burger he had in his lap. “Oh... you can have it if you want.”

He handed over the burger to Gundam, who immediately snatched it up and unwrapped it. Finishing the patty in record time before letting out a satisfied burp.

“The supreme overlord of ice thank you for your generosity,” he said, using a napkin to dap the grease off his lips.

“No problem, they were pretty filling anyway.” a bit of a lie, Hajime easily could have eaten a second one by himself, but truthfully it was more satisfying to watch Gundam quickly eat another burger like it was nothing.

“Heh, after such a feast of power I would prefer to sit in my throne and oversee the realm, but even I must keep our castle in the proper balance!” translation, he normally would laze about on the couch watching television but needed to clean up the mess of burger wrappers.

He watched as Gundam turned around in order to pick up one of the many paper wrappers he carelessly tossed over his shoulder and on the floor during his binge. Hajime tried not to stare at his boyfriend’s rear, but it was getting ridiculously hard not to by the sheer roundness packed into Gundam’s pants. How did those pants even fit-

It was almost comical how it happened, as soon as Gundam bend over his tight pants just couldn’t keep it together any longer. A loud rip filled the small apartment and Hajime had a front-row seat to see the wardrobe malfunction. The large gaping hole exposed the pale white skin of Gundam’s ass. Hajime felt his face turn pink, why did his boyfriend insist on going commando with that invisible underwear nonsense he rambled on about?

Luckily (or maybe unluckily) he didn’t have to think about it too long, Gundam’s hands flew to the massive tear in his pants in a desperate attempt to cover it.

“It... it would appear my ancient garments had lost their power.” Gundam managed to say, though it was with much less confidence than usual. Making his embarrassment as clear as day.

“It would appear so...” Hajime muttered under his breath and sighed. “Do you have a pair of sweats or something?”

“But if course! The great Gundam Tanaka has thousands of powerful garments!” he announced, making his way over to his room to change.

A few long minutes later and Hajime’s boyfriend still had yet to return.

“Gundam, you okay?” he called out.

“Hajime, it would appear I am in need of some of your special essence.”

Hajime held back a sigh, wondering exactly what Gundam got himself into while doing something as mundane as putting on pants.

He made his way to the bedroom, and sure enough, there was Gundam, with a pair of black yoga pants on... well, almost on. The stretchy fabric hugged his thick thighs like a second skin but failed to fully cover his rear, leaving half of his ass spilling out. Gundam’s hands gripped the pants, he tugged at them in a desperate attempt to pull them out his ample bottom. But to no avail, all that did was cause the two pale masses to jiggle in a way that reminded Hajime of gelation.

“It would appear I alone do not have the power to wear this garment, but perhaps if we combine our power I could defeat whatever curse this garment is hiding.”

Hajime’s face flushed red at the request, but still, he nodded and made his way over.

“So, do you just want me too...” he grabbed the waist of the pants.

“Yes! Tame the beast in the way of my quest of wearing this garment!” Gundam confirmed.

And so, with as much strength as Hajime could muster, he began to tug alongside Gundam. It was a miracle Gundam could even get it passed his thighs on his own, he could only imagine the struggle to do so. Because it was proving to be a tough battle to get the pants to move the last few inches to properly cover his rear. It took an embarrassingly long time, but together they managed to get his pants over the rest of his round bottom.

“The garment is finally on! I knew it couldn’t overthrow us!”

Hajime had to wipe a drop of sweat off his forehead. “I didn’t expect it to be such a workout.”

“Heh, with powerful being such as myself and ancient garments like these, it is normal to have an energy-draining fight,” Gundam said, a trickle of sweat dripping down his forehead, showing he was equally tired from trying to get the pants on his bottom-heavy figure. Hajime doubted all the burgers he ate before helped. “But even beings such as myself need to save mana. Tomorrow I shall venture out into the deepest depths of this realm in search of a garment worthy of being worn by the supreme overlord of ice!”

“If you’re going out shopping, mind picking up some milk then?” Hajime requested. “We’re all out.”

“But of course, it is the least I could reward you with,” he said before he took a glance at the clock. “Hmmm, it would it appear my quest had taken up much of your time.”

“Huh, yeah... I still got some material I gotta cover-“

“Nonsense!” Gundam interrupted. “You used up so much power to assist me even while on your quest for forbidden knowledge! You must recover otherwise you’re abilities will be useless.”

“I understand, but I’m not even tired.”

“Then I shall assist you with your slumber!”

Before Hajime could get a single word in, Gundam grabbed his arm and somehow positioned him to have himself sitting on the bed, with Hajime’s head resting on his pillow-like thighs.

“How’s this? Do you feel yourself succumbing to a peaceful slumber?” Gundam asked.

Hajime’s cheeks flushed red, but he couldn’t deny how comfortable his boyfriend’s thighs were... He didn’t want to get up and study, just stay here and listen to the sounds Gundam’s full stomach would occasionally make.

“I..l guess I could rest my eyes for a bit,” he answered, finding his eyes growing heavier the more comfortable he got. Especially when Gundam ran his fingers through his hair.

“Rest my dearest dark prince, when you awake you shall be refreshed with a plentiful amount of power for your next quest.”

It wasn’t long before Hajime found himself fast asleep with his head comfortably resting on Gundam’s lap.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #3

Time for some good chafing gags!

I love Cerebus. Once I began buying the monthly issues, I stuck with it until Issue #300, no matter how bored I had become with Cerebus's explication of Genesis. I stuck with it because it had entertained me so much and because I loved the idea of a comic book series with a character who grows and changes and eventually dies as an old, decrepit, huge delusional mess. Or was he delusional? Yeah, I think he was. By the end, I think we're supposed to realize Rick was the protagonist? Whoops! I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm still in the issues where I don't have to think too hard about anything and can just sit back and laugh at jokes about chain mail bikinis and a woman who will only fuck somebody who overpowers her physically! What I meant to say before I interrupted myself like usual, I kept with the series because I loved so much of it. Not all of it, of course. Who could love all of it?! Dave Sim was writing things that kept himself interested and wasn't too worried about, say, keeping the audience that loved Church & State while writing Melmoth, or expecting people who loved Guys to be enthusiastic about Coming Home. I appreciated this comic book so much that it's the only reason that I kept purchasing monthly comic books as I entered my thirties. I had gotten to the point where my brain was having too much trouble remembering all the different comic book story lines with a full month long gaps between each twenty-four page bit of story. So at some point just past the year 2000, I decided I'd stop reading monthly comics altogether after March 2004, the final issue of Cerebus. After that, I kept up with Fables and Walking Dead via collected editions. But I was done reading monthlies (until The New 52 somehow dragged me back in to do that blog project!). So yeah. I was (and still am!) a huge Cerebus fan. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be critical of the series and the writer. Dave Sim makes a lot of mistakes and I'm going to have a lot of fun pointing them out! You might not think they're mistakes but I ask that you hold your comments until the end (you know, my review of Issue #300!) because why would I want to argue on the Internet with other huge comic book nerds? We're the worst! One person I'll never criticize because I don't think they ever do anything wrong: Gerhard! That fucking work horse nails it throughout the entire series! Nothing much to say about Deni's "A Note from the Publisher" since all she says is how she has nothing to say. I was hoping she'd admit to rubbing one out over one of Dave's finished Red Sophia pages but my horrible male nerd projections about how women act once more didn't come to fruition. How is it everything I learned about women from female comic book characters turned out to be so wrong?! I refuse to believe it's because most of them were written by men. Men are so rational and logical! They wouldn't have steered me wrong!

I should probably do a little research on Frank Thorne.

Frank Thorne was best known for his work on Marvel's Red Sonja. Yes, I lifted that directly from Wikipedia. But I typed it myself! Another thing I learned from Wikipedia (I'd do more research than just Wikipedia but I don't want to wind up on YouTube where I'll not only learn about Frank Thorne's artistic history but also that the American Democratic party runs a pedophile sex traffic ring and also something about cannibals? I mean, it sounds like something I'd like to believe!) is that Thorne wrote a book called How to Draw Sexy Women. So, you know, he's probably one of my heroes? Frank Thorne is currently 90 years old and he might have the most adorable picture of anybody on Wikipedia.

I want to be best friends with him right now. Six year old me would have been over the moon in love with him (I had a Grandfather Fixation when I was really young that probably had nothing to do with my father leaving when I was two).

This issue not only introduces Red Sophia but also the wizard Henrot. That's an anagram of "Thorne"! Red Sophia is an anagram for "Hi! Do Rapes." I don't agree with that at all. I'm just the anagram messenger. I'm also not suggesting that Dave Sim knew what he was doing anagrammatically! I mean with the Red Sophia anagram. He definitely meant the Henrot/Thorne one! Cerebus has returned to civilization but now needs some quick cash because one thing Cerebus always needs is quick cash. He's only wealthy a few times and those times don't usually last long. He goes to see Henrot (who allegedly gets his power from two of the five Spheres of the Gods! So now we kind of know more about those things even if it is just a rumor) to question him about any paying mercenary gigs.

You might think the missing word in Henrot's dialogue was a mistake by Dave Sim but later we'll probably learn in, I don't know, Issue #143 that Henrot's first language is Borelean to account for this seeming error.

Cerebus doesn't usually take assassination or torture jobs because he finds them distasteful but he needs the money. Sure, he'll take any job that has him killing people in battle or invading private wizard's towers to murder the owner and steal the owner's stuff. But assassination and torture? So wrong! Once Cerebus takes the job, he learns that he was to take Henrot's daughter, Red Sophia, along with him. The target besmirched her honor so she needs to watch him die slowly and painfully. Is this where the MeToo hashtag goes?

Red Sophia drawing tutorial: Draw some big tits, some big lips, and a big mass of hair. Connect them with some kind of woman shaped lines. Ta-da!

Red Sophia chatters incessantly and dances around while Cerebus carries all of the gear. It's funny because female characters get to represent all women instead of being a unique character! Ha ha! Women really do talk a lot, right? And they're always all, "Carry my purse for me!" And guys are all like, "Stifle your emotions like a normal person! Carry your own purse! Stop dancing around whimsically and try to act tough and cool like regular people do! Play some sports already! Take care of me like you were my replacement mother!" In the "A Note from the Publisher," Deni wrote that since the first issue (remember the first issue? So many issues ago!), Dave had wanted to write a story where Cerebus interacts with a female. She doesn't say Dave wanted to write a female character. He just wanted Cerebus to interact with a female. So I guess that's what this is! Cerebus interacts with a female stereotype who is also a sex fantasy. Not because she's hot but because she constantly tries to fuck Cerebus throughout their adventure! What sword and sorcery reading nerd didn't dream of that three or four times a day in a dark room? I'm being harsh on Sim because it's more fun than lavishing praise on him. You can tell Sim realizes the inherent problems with Red Sonja because that's the bulk of his parody. The problem isn't Dave's take on the character; the real problem is simply the character Red Sonja! In 1978, Sim was already commenting on the ridiculous armor artists draw on women (there will be chafing jokes!)! And in this story, Dave Sim expresses how ridiculous it was to create a female character who was raped and then given great fighting skills by some Goddess with the catch that she can never fuck a man unless he beats her in fair combat. Just looking at it from a guy's point of view, I'd probably be all, "You know what? I don't want those powers. Could you maybe just strike down the asshole who raped me and let me not have to attempt to beat up every woman I'm attracted to?" Is that enough hot takes on Red Sophia? Cause I want to get to the part of this review where I can admit that I fucking love her so much. Later Cerebus meets Elrod who is really just Foghorn Leghorn. I'm pretty sure Red Sophia was less Red Sonja than Pepé Le Pew. I know, I know! There are probably some sensitive reasons why I'm not supposed to like Pepé too! But he was my mother's favorite Looney Tunes character! Anyway, I can't blame Dave Sim for making his first female character about 75% stereotypes of women. He's still a young writer! You've got to give him about another 183 issues to really clarify his stance on the interactions between genders! I'm sure it'll be more layered, nuanced, and rational.

Cerebus might be an Earth Pig but he's not a chauvinist pig. He doesn't take sexual advantage of Red Sophia here; he just makes her carry all the gear. It's a good joke that I'm ruining by explaining it instead of scanning in the punchline!

Just for comparison, let's take a look at a modern interpretation of Red Sonja by Ed Benes. I bet just that artist's name alone gives male comic book nerds a chubby. Not a full on hard on though. Those are probably reserved for hearing the name "Frank Cho."

What do they teach in art school? Women can turn 180 degrees at the waist? Not that I'm complaining! Dark room, here I come!

Oh shit. I forgot I was reading this comic book! Okay, um, so Red Sophia attacks Cerebus for besmirching her honor. Or Cerebus attacks Red Sophia for knocking him into a bush with her ass. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Anyway, Cerebus defeats her so Red Sophia begins throwing her ample bosom at Cerebus every chance she gets. Cerebus is not interested for some reason. Maybe it's because he stuck a sword in his vagina when he was younger? That happened, right? Or was that a flashback about him having his period? Now that I'm thinking about it...what the fuck is this comic book? I think maybe I hallucinated some of it! Cerebus isn't a fucking slut, man! He doesn't just fuck any hot woman whom he defeats in battle! He needs to fall in love and/or get completely wrecked on Peach Schnapps. So he has no interest in Red Sophia. I suppose a woman trying to kill you is a bit of a turn off. And then later, when she gets you into a fight with Thugg the Unseemly, it's less of an aphrodisiac than you might think.

I think Borelean might be Red Sophia's first language as well. I mean, she is Henrot's daughter.

The Letterer part of Dave Sim has already fucked up twice this issue. I bet he was too busy having his sword and sorcery fantasies in a dark room to pay close attention to the script. This is probably why Dave Sim eventually gave up masturbation. Later, Red Sophia feeds Cerebus granola and it totally cracks Dave Sim up. He said so in the Swords of Cerebus essay! Didn't you read it? I, for one, prefer the joke on the following page about Cerebus being a cannibal. Or an aardvark who eats human meat, anyway. I think that's close enough to cannibalism. We learn later that aardvarks can have offspring with humans so I feel like the aardvarks in this book are less sentient funny talking animals and more severely deformed human beings.

Red Sophia's tent. If this we were well into Mothers & Daughters when this tent made an appearance, I'd think Dave purposefully drew it this way. Since we're only on Issue #3, I think he was just feeling horny when he drew it.

If at any time during this review I've referred to Red Sophia as Red Sonja, just remember that English is my second language. I'm Borelean. I apologize to Dave Sim for earlier suggesting that Red Sophia was simply a bunch of female stereotypes mashed together into a character. As I said, I love her. I figured I probably started loving her after she makes several more appearances but I'm pretty sure this is the page where I knew needed more Red Sophia in my life.

How can you not be completely charmed by the "I'm pretty good at hand-holding" line?

This is a good reminder that I shouldn't be judging early Dave Sim by Issue #186 Dave Sim and beyond. He should always get the benefit of the doubt and, even after #186, he should retain it. I need to be reading the material both with fresh eyes as if reading it for the first time and with the knowledge of the whole in an attempt to understand it better. This scene is just so fucking charming that I hate that it might be ruined for many people based on their "knowledge" of Dave Sim. I put knowledge in quotes because, really, how many people who think of Dave as a misogynist have actually read Cerebus or Tangent? How many have just heard they're supposed to despise him because he's been called a misogynist? I mean, sure, you just have to read a bunch of his Biblical explications to understand you're dealing with something other than neurotypical! But it'd be nice if more people came to their Dave Sim conclusions themselves instead of just jumping on the bandwagon. I'm not saying people who think he's a misogynist aren't automatically wrong! Dave thinks they are but come on. He eventually gives out a lot of slack with which to make quite a few nooses to hang himself with. Um, okay, back to not judging Cerebus based on future Dave's rants about the Marxist/feminist/homosexual axis! Cerebus and Sophia finally reach the target where Cerebus discovers that the target, Tanes Feras, loves Sophia. And just like that, he figures out how to get rid of Sophia while also torturing Feras (possibly to death? Time will tell!). He commands Sophia to marry Feras because she must do whatever he asks. Sure, she thought it would involved his super long tongue and her metal-chafed butthole. But that's the great thing about love! It doesn't care what you want. Henrot seems to accept this conclusion for now. He'll definitely be back later. And so will Red Sophia. I can't wait!

The map of Cerebus's world by Deni's brother, Clovis. He ran out of ideas when he got to "Ocean Sea."

I'll have to remember to keep referring back to this map throughout the series. Although I'll probably only need it for the first twenty-five issues. And then maybe after Mothers & Daughters. Nothing noteworthy in Aardvark Comment this month. Just some Canadians saying things like, "Glad to see a Canadian comic book from Canada about Canada!" Which is confusing because I didn't realize how much of Cerebus was representative of Canada. I've really got to rethink my Canadian stereotypes. Now I'll be sure to picture Canadians as 50% Cerebus and 50% Joey Jeremiah. Cerebus #3 Rating: B+. Sim's art remains a bit more on the amateurish side than the professional side. But that's to be expected. Already you can see improvements in the consistency of Cerebus's look and I think maybe his snout is already getting shorter and girthier. This was the first issue where he drew a woman so I can't fault him for drawing a blow-up doll in a chain mail bikini. Why would I? I'd never fault anybody for drawing a blow-up doll in a chain mail bikini! I also just thought up a new category to search on eBay. This issue begins to show where Sim really excels: his characters. The first two issues basically highlight Cerebus dealing with a few generic characters. But Red Sophia (and Henrot to a lesser extent) captures the spotlight this issue. Ignoring some of the shallow aspects of her character creation (if you even believe those exists. Don't take my super-professional critical opinion on it!), she's really rather charming and a competent foil for the Earth Pig. Just knowing that she's the tip of the iceberg in the gallery of recurring characters excites me more than those fantasies I keep having in my dark room.

[blue-honeycomb]

Escape Artist: Chapter 1 [Aizawa x Reader]

Decided to play around with this for a bit before going back to my other stuff.

Masterlist

Prologue | Part 1

---

The Escape Artist stared at the television screen with incomprehension, blinking once, twice, until a small hand smacked her dead center in the face. The force was enough to shake her from her thoughts and she cast a sidewards glare at the little brat sitting casually beside her.

Big, off-white eyes stared unflinchingly into her own, equally white, featureless face twisting into some form of expression that was lost on her. Luckily, the little hellion's hair was prone to flashing colors with their emotions, so she at least has some idea as to what they wanted. Even if that idea was vague at best.

"How was I supposed to know there was a whole pack of heros right there?" She huffed, casting her eyes back to the news special broadcasting her latest anti-kidnapping kidnapping with concerningly clear footage. Like, crystal clear HD, not some fuzzy security camera but media quality definition; the kind that got you recognized.

On the screen was a video of her popping into existence in a police station not even 3 yards from where a group of heros and police officers were finishing up an interview, setting the child she'd brought in a chair as he chewed on the mochi she'd thought to bring with her for just such a purpose. As though in slow motion, she could see her screen self whip around and suddenly freeze, staring directly at the heros, and consequencely the cameras, before disappearing once more. Honestly, it was pretty comical, and apparently, a good portion of the in studio reporters seemed to think so too.

"That," She pointed at the screen for emphasis while leveling the yellow flashing, blank-faced little shit a glare. "Was not intentional, no matter what you little misfits seem to think." From the shadow of the color flashing cretin popped another one, this one gray haired and black eyed, grinning widely at her with his wickedly sharp teeth.

"Don't make up shit just cuz you can't understand me. Don't think I'm not on to you, shark boy." Not that any of her brats ever listened to a thing she said anyway. The only one who ever seemed to try was Spitter, but that was because the boy couldn't say no to anyone ever, so it was never satisfying. Hard to feel victorious about getting your way when it took years of abuse to make the person (a little fucking boy) willing to heel on command. Thinking about how'd she'd found the little guy made her stomach turn.

Moving on before she breaks something.

Shark brat said something about hero costumes to Whiteout Brat and a lot of gesturing took place, as well as a good bit of yelling. Thankfully they lived far enough underground to avoid being hear by any passerbys. Escape Artist turned away while they were distracted and let them entertain themselves while she thought about what she'd just seen.

It was the first time the public had seen conclusive evidence of her existence outside of a few shitty grocery store video feeds, and the entirety of Japan seemed to be eating it up. Words like vigilante and uncatchable were being tossed around, as well as theories about teleportation quirks and being a greiving mother seeking vengeance. All these things would have made her snort in amusement had it been even a few months ago. But now? Now she couldn't afford to get caught or have a hoard of glory-hounds on her trail. Too many mouths to feed, for one, and secondly, too many little bodies following her when she wasn't looking. Anything could happen with the added variable of nosy superpower enhanced dogooders.

The problem with working with homeless, traumatized children is that after you've taken care of them for a while they come to expect you to actually take care of them. As in, not just feeding them occasionally and giving them a place to crash, but actually filling that parent shaped whole in their lives and taking over all the responsibilities that comes with it. Like protection, love and trust. And time. Especially time. So much more than she has to spare.

So they've taken to following her when she's not watching closely enough, and that terrifies her because she can give them love and trust in abundance, but protection is something she just can't provide. She simply isn't strong enough to take them with her everywhere she goes, let alone into a situation that may one day be her last.

Speaking of situations.

It was time to go out and get more food. While nothing went bad in her inventory, thank God, it never actually stayed full with how many mouths needed feeding everyday. Shark boy alone could put away half his body weight in a single sitting if given the chance, and even that's got nothing on Bull or Hot Shot. Honestly, and though Escape Artist would never say it aloud, Bull's vigorous appetite may have been the reason she was abandoned in the first place. She just had to eat so much to function that even with the triweekly raids Escape Artist could barely keep up with the ever growing demand.

And then there's Hot Shot. Nicely put, he was a rather enthusiastic young boy in possession of a very destructive, fuel-exhaustive quirk neither she nor he had any idea how to train. It wasn't until he'd joined her merry little band that she'd learned the location of every clothing store in the city. Every single one of them.

Her life sometimes, she swears.

There was a shattering sound in the designated kitchen area, followed by a high pitched screech that fell somewhere between a frog croak and a chirp. Not even a second later the sound of footsteps darting through the tunnels at frankly ridiculous speeds creeked overhead, followed closely by the wall rattling thud of Bull chasing right after.

Escape Artist sighed, running a hand through her hair and pulling slightly. Beside her, Shark boy leapt to his feet in a dead run to go watch the drama unfold with unholy glee, Whiteout following at a slightly more moderate pace. Not even 8 in the morning and already the chaos had begun.

Her head thud quietly against the back of the couch. "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

---

Escape Artist was more than a bit concerned by what had happened on her way back home, but she supposed it could have been worse. For one thing, she wasn't dead, and for another, neither was the man she'd smacked headfirst into (or more accurately, he'd smacked face first into her). Unfortunately for the man though, the impact had left him notably unconscious and maybe a little bruised around the nose and forehead. In short, she done fucked up and this time it didn't involve another mouth to feed… she hoped. She didn't know if she had the patience needed to take care of a full grown man on top of the 8 kids at home and the 2 feral cretins that visited occasionally.

It'd been a simple case of bad luck all around, honestly. She'd just finished robbing the local Walmart (yes, it still exists and she still doesn't know how to feel about that months on) and was coming out of ID when she's suddenly been thrown to the ground by a speeding black mass all but flying through the darkened alley. Her first thought upon getting over her shock was to thank whatever was watching over her that night it wasn't a car. Her second was to fret over whoever she'd just gotten killed.

Luckily, it hadn't been a car and the stranger had survived the encounter. So, all was good in her books, besides the obvious part where the guy was laying unconscious in an alley and sporting an obvious hero getup in the shadier part of this district. If that wasn't asking for a knife in the back than she didn't know what was.

So now here she was, sitting across from the unmoving lump of man, chin in hand and elbows firmly planted on her thighs. She'd covered him up with a blanket from her inventory some time ago to keep him at least somewhat warm as the night gradually grew colder around them. She didn't think she'd manage to get the thing back before the guy was up and trying to kick her ass, but Hot Shot needed to learn to control his flames anyway and maybe going coverless for a while was just the motivation he needed to do so. She pointedly didn't think about the extra comforters she'd grabbed because she knew the first wouldn't last three nights in the little shit's care.

She blinked slowly, eyes roaming over what little bit of the man she could make out from under the blanket. Long, dark hair curling over the blanket and his heavily stubbled face (she'd picked the wild mass up off the filthy ground because ew), long lashes and a narrow, masculine face. He was attractive for sure, though the dark lines around his eyes, nose and forehead made him seem almost sickly pale in the unflattering street light. What she noticed most though was the peeks of sleek, firm muscle that the fluffy covers, ridiculously huge scarf and baggy clothing couldn't hide.

She was a woman with damn human needs. It'd been at least 3 years since she's gotten any and she was long overdue. She felt strongly that she should be able to appreciate this man's undeniable beauty so long as she kept her hands to herself and didn't do anything creepy like take pictures or some shit. She blatantly ignored the little voice whispering about how equally creepy it was to watch someone sleep without their consent.

It was also creepy how the observe function of her quirk let her learn a few tidbits about the man without any conscious effort, but for the most part she ignored the notifications hovering around the man all together. It wasn't like she'd ever meet the guy again after this, unless he was trying to arrest her of course. Either way, she doubted learning this guy's name or whatever was really worth invading his privacy anymore than her mere existence did. She'd like to think she has some standards.

In her uncharacteristic moment of distraction she failed to notice the subtle shift of the man's head before he went eeriely still. It wasn't until she was shifting to get more comfortable and noticed that a section of his hair was misplaced that she realized her mistake.

It happened too fast for her to properly react. With a quiet that belied the strength behind the attack, the man launched himself into her personal space and had her wrapped head to toe in the weird scarf he had with him. On instinct she tried to open her ID, but with a cold chill of realization discovered she couldn't get it to activate. In fact, her whole world seemed to suddenly swirl on its axis and for the first time since she'd come to this place her mind blanked with true, mortal terror.

His eyes glowed deep, sinister red against the shadows spread over his handsome face, dark hair whipping above his head like a dark, inhuman halo. Those muscles she'd been admiring just moments ago were suddenly the weapons of intimidation they were meant to be, something that made her heart race and quake with fear.

And her body. Maybe even worse than the sudden influx of terror was the sudden aknowledgement of her body's long forgotten functions. Where once she was satisfied she was now hollow, the movement of long unused organs felt like insects crawling though her body, scratching and nipping as they went.

Suddenly, the world was not just a thing that could be walked away from with a single though and a armful of goods. For the first time since she'd opened her eyes in that alleyway nearly a year ago, it was just her, the world and all the dangers that came with it staring her down with burning red eyes.

For the first time since she received her quirk she was well and truly alive.

"Escape Artist, was it."

[dearlazerbunny]

And I’ve Got Eight Million Yen

Pairings: None

Genre/Ratings: G

Words: 4,000

Summary: I may or may not have deep dived into Ouran High School Host Club because I was having a bad month day and someone recommended it... I am simultaneously v in love and a little disturbed but whatever I’ll take it because I totally needed more imaginary boyfriends to pine over Also this anime premiered in like 2006? Does it even still have a community? I have no clue.

Haruhi’s best friend from middle school doesn’t quite believe her stories of how she joined the host club, until she finds out for herself

You blow out a breath and tap your foot on the slightly-sticky ground of the coffee shop, two steaming cups and a pastry in front of you. You check the clock on your phone again. Technically, your coffee date should have started ten minutes ago, but you haven’t seen her in so long- you’re willing to give her the benefit of the doubt…

There’s a delicate tap on your shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic decided to be difficult…”

When you turn around, you almost tell the person in front of you they have the wrong girl, because there’s no way this doe-eyed cutie in a well-fitting uniform and professionally-styled hair is- “Haruhi? Oh my god,  look at you! I don’t even recognize you!”

Your best friend smiles and brushes a bit of her bangs out of her brown eyes. “Well, you haven’t seen me since school started…”

“Well yeah, but- I think it’s the hair, I can’t believe Reo decided to throw gum in your hair the day before school started. I’m not used to it being short yet.” You shake your head at the memory, because yes, you had been there when the annoying neighborhood eight year old had spat a big wad of gum right in Haruhi’s hair, and during the consequent attempted rescue of said hair… only  for Haruhi to have chopped it all off while you were out of the room searching for more olive oil.

“You really think it’s that bad?”

Grinning, you shove a cup of coffee across the table to her as she slides into the booth, along with the pastry. “Actually, it kind of suits you. Just different, that’s all.”

Haruhi nods, practical as always, then focuses on the food and drink in front of her. “You didn’t have to-”

You wave her comment away, cutting her off. “Yes, I did. I haven’t seen my best friend in almost a month, so that means I get to treat her, yeah? And don’t worry, I picked up a few extra shifts at the bookstore, so I’m fine,” you add at her knowing look. Neither you or Haruhi are poor by any means, but you still have to be careful about splurging on treats. “Plus, we never even properly celebrated you getting your scholarship!”

“Alright, alright!” She says, holding up her hands in defeat and laughing at your exuberance. She takes a big bite of muffin and comically lets it puff out her cheeks. “ ‘appy?” Her voice is muffled through the crumbs.

“Very,” you giggle. “Just make sure you don’t get any on your uniform.” You glance at the obviously expensive material draped over her shoulders. “How’d you even afford that anyways?”

Haruhi groans. “Don’t remind me. Right now I only have this one, I’m going to have to do laundry every night.”

“Ew.” You wrinkle your nose. Laundry was so not your favorite. “We could… I don’t know, try to find something similar that doesn’t cost as much…?” You take in the school crest sewn onto the breast of the blazer; the subtle purple stripe woven into the silk tie. You sigh. “That might just make you stand out more, though. I think I’m way out of my depth here.”

Haruhi snorts. “Believe me, you aren’t the only one.”

You raise an eyebrow, clearly expecting her to elaborate, but she looks up at you with an innocent expression. “What?”

“Well you have to tell me about it! The infamous Ouran Academy!” You fake a swoon, complete with a hand to your forehead. “What’s it like? Is it really as ridiculously dramatic as everyone says?”

“Kind of…?” The girl across from you shrugs her shoulders. “I really like my classes; they’re a lot of work but I finally feel like I’m learning something, you know?”

“I do know, because my best friend is the smartest person in the world, and lord knows the crap we’re doing at the high school would bore you out of your mind.” Your voice is half proud and half grumbly. Ever since you met in middle school, you’ve been Haruhi’s number one cheerleader, even encouraging her to compete for the Ouran Academy scholarship- think of how it’d look on law school applications! But that doesn’t mean you appreciate dealing with high school without Haruhi by your side, leaving you alone amongst the masses of your peers.

Gosh, that’s got to be nothing compared to what Haruhi is going through though. Talk about culture shock. “And everyone’s treating you okay? I don’t care if they’re fancy-pants rich kids, I’ll come kick their asses if they’re not nice to you.”

“They’ve actually been pretty okay. I mean, yeah, they’re basically living in their own little bubble of fancy tuna and private armies, but for the most part no one has been outright mean.” She looks down into her drink and takes a sip, then snorts to herself. “Commoner’s coffee.”

“Say again?”

She shakes her head. “It’s nothing. Something one of my… friends said.”

“Friends. Friends! That’s great! Friends are good!” Haruhi glares at your overly chipper voice, and you give her a look right back. “Look, we both know you don’t have the easiest time making friends, and with all the new people… I’m just worried about you, okay? Because I care.” You give her a small smile and she smiles back, nodding her head. She knows you mean well. “So, tell me about these friends. Hopefully they haven’t replaced me already,” you joke.

“I, um. I kind of… joined a club?”

“You sure about that? You don’t sound too sure,” you tease.

“I… yes, I joined a club. Well. Sort of. I was kind of forced to…”

“Forced to join a club? How does that even happen?”

“Well. I was looking for a place to study, and I came upon this room I thought was empty, but it… really, really wasn’t. Empty, I mean. And then I tripped and may have broke an eight million yen vase,” she continues, her voice barely a whisper and her eyes wide, like she’s still seeing porcelain crash onto the floor.

“Oh my god.” One of your hands is covering your mouth. “Eight- eight million yen? What did you do?”

“The people who- own the vase, I guess? They basically said I can work off the eight million yen in their club. So now I’m their dog until graduation,” she finishes, her voice entirely too calm for the words that are coming out of her mouth.

You blink. Blink at her again. Then all at once, the giggles fly from your mouth, causing you to try and stifle them with a fist. “Man, Haruhi, you really had me going for a second. That was a good one!”

“Wh- what?”

You roll your eyes. “Come on, really? You expect me to believe a bunch of rich kids who probably already have a hundred maids apiece are going to enslave you until graduation for a mistake?” Another giggle. “Not to mention a school club owning some priceless vase. Look, you don’t want to tell me what you’re doing after school, that’s fine with me. Just so long as it’s not choir, yeah?”

For a moment, Haruhi just stares at you. Then, a small smile works its way across her face. “Yeah- yeah, I guess it was kind of ridiculous, wasn’t it?”

“One hundred percent certifiable,” you confirm. “But hey, as long as we still make time to hang out, it’s fine, okay?”

Haruhi nods, with a real smile now, and gently bumps her paper cup of coffee against yours. “Deal.”

…

Your eyes roam over your homework as the phone against your ear buzzes. After the third ring, the other end of the line finally picks up. “Hello?”

“Haruhi!” You drop your pencil onto a page of math problems you’ve been trying to decipher and swing your chair away from your desk. “I was beginning to think you were dead, you haven’t texted me back in ages!”

“Huh?” There’s a rustling noise as she pulls the phone away and checks her messages. “Oh. I’m sorry, I guess I’ve just been really busy.”

“Like always,” you tease. “But hey, you can make it up to me tonight. There’s a signing at the bookstore at seven and yoooooou’re gonna be my date!”

There’s a pause, then a rush of static. “I’d love to, I really would, but I’ve got this thing for the club I’ve got to do and…” she trails of, not really finishing her sentence.

You frown. “‘Club stuff?’ On a Saturday? I thought it was a school club?”

“It is, it’s just very… involved.”

You wait, in case she’s going to give you any more details, but when none seem to be forthcoming you sigh. “Okay, well, next time, right?”

“For sure, I promise. See you then!” The line goes dead before you can even say goodbye.

…

Hey, do you mind if I call you? There’s this stupid math problem giving me hives and I know you’re good at calculus so. Help a girl out? Your thumb hovers over the send button for a moment before actually pressing it. Normally you wouldn’t feel weird about asking Haruhi for help- she used to help you with your homework all the time- but she’s been so quiet lately, you figured you might be bothering her…

You grapple with the problems for another hour before you realize she never texted you back.

…

“Come on, come on, pick up…” you mumble, shuffling from one foot to the other as students stream past you on their way out of school. Finally, there’s a click on the other end, and you brighten immediately. “Haruhi! Hey!”

“Hey, what’s up? Hold on, let me…” Voices in the background fade a little. “It’s quieter over here. What’s wrong, are you okay?”

“Am I-? Yeah, Haruhi, I was just making sure we were still on for this afternoon. You said you wanted to see that new movie out, and we were going to go today?”

You very quickly realize your friend is only half-listening to you, because while you’re talking she’s simultaneously yelling at someone as well. “I’m on the phone, Tamaki! I’ll be back in a minute, just… hold on, okay?” She huffs into the receiver. “Sorry, what was that?”

“The movie? This afternoon? We talked about it last week.”

“Oh, damn.” Haruhi rarely cursed. “I’m sorry, I totally forgot, things at the club have just been super busy and-”

“Right. The club.” You can’t help the bitterness that bleeds into your voice. “You know, Haruhi, if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore, that’s fine, but at least stop leading me on!’

“What? I-”

“Look, I get it.” Angry tears are running down your cheeks, and you swipe at them. “Fancy new school, fancy new friends- I’m sure they’ve got a lot more to offer you than I do. I just…” you trail off. “I haven’t seen you in months, and I miss you. But it’s fine, really. Don’t worry about me. And you don’t have to keep making up these mythical club excuses to get out of meeting up with me.”

“The club isn’t-”

“Yeah?” You challenge. “Then what kind of club is it, hm? You haven’t even told me!”

“…a host club,” you hear her whisper on the other end.

“A host club? What does that even mean!” You shake your head. “You know what, forget it. I’ll see you some other time. Bye.” You hang up to her protests, but you don’t really hear any of them. Unbeknownst to Haruhi, later was going to be however long it took to walk to Ouran Academy- you check your phone. About fifteen minutes, then. If she was going to keep standing you up, the least she can do is stand you up to your face.

…

Ouran Academy is… huge. No, huge doesn’t even begin to cover it. Massive? Monumental? The soaring spires, beautiful architecture, and sprawling grounds takes your breath away. So this is how the other half lives. Every fiber of your being is screaming for you to run back home- you, in your worn jeans and sneakers and band tshirt, most definitely do not belong wandering around a school that’s tiled with marble and gold. Still, you take a breath and pull open the massive doors. Someone around here has to know Haruhi, right? They can give you a clue as to where she is…

After many, many students inexplicably giggling when you mention Haruhi’s name, you’re eventually directed to Music Room 3. A music room? Maybe she really did join a club… but why be embarrassed about learning an instrument, why not just tell you? You reach for the gold polished handle and tug the doors open, determined to get to the bottom of things.

You’re greeted with a toss of rose petals and the smell of some really, really expensive tea, along with politely demure chatter and the clinking of teacups. You blink. There’s got to be a hundred girls in here, chattering around tables and lounging on sofas. What the heck? You must have the wrong place.

“Why hello there!” You nearly jump out of your skin when a blonde appears by your side, his face open and inviting. “Are you lost, princess? I must admit you don’t seem like our usual customer, but fear not! Beauty comes in all forms, and I am more than happy to show you just how beautiful you are…” the boy in front of you takes your hand and kisses the back of it like he’s some medieval prince, and you stand there for far too long trying to pull your brain back online.

“Um… I have absolutely no idea what to say to that.” You yank your hand away like he might bite. “I don’t know what you’re selling, dude, but I’m just looking for my friend, and I think I definitely have the wrong room, so I’ll just-”

“Nonsense!” The boy cries, his purple eyes- purple eyes, really? What is this, an anime?  “I’m sure you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for here, no matter your type. After all, it is our specialty.” He throws in a wink that simultaneously makes you want to laugh in his face and maybe throw up a little in the back of your mouth. “Now, do you prefer the strong, silent type? Or perhaps-”

A familiar laugh catches your ear, and you see Haruhi sitting on a sofa with a group of girls, laughing at something one of them has said. They all look like they’re hanging onto her every word, and you love your best friend, you really do, but how or why she’s holding all these girls in rapt attention is completely beyond you. “Haruhi?!”

The blonde in front of you furrows his brow. “Haruhi?”

The girl in question looks up at the sound of her name, ad when she spots you, visibly pales. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Well, I came to be mad at you, but now…” you glance horrified at the blonde who is still standing way too close to you and the gaggle of girls who are suddenly glaring at you murderously. “…I think I’m here to rescue you?”

“Rescue Haruhi?” The blonde is immediately sent into a tizzy, wringing his hands and jumping all over the place. “But why would you ever need to do that? What reason would we have to harm our poor sweet little Haruhi? I’ll have you know the Host Club is the epitome of class and respect, and that extends to each and every one of its members-”

“The Host Club?” Your voice ticks up an octave in incredulity. You eye Haruhi. “You weren’t kidding?” She gives you a thin smile. Over in the corner, two redheads look about an inch away from making out with each other, and your eyes about pop out of your head. “Oh my god, is this some kind of weird sex thing?!”

“The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s playground for the super rich and beautiful!” The blonde says all of this with his chest puffed out and in an indignant tone, like he’s said this many, many times before.

You blink. “Oh my god, my best friend is in some weird sex club. Haruhi, you know I love you and I will always respect your choices, but this is-”

“It’s not a sex thing!” She shrieks. “It’s… we just… talk! There’s tea! It’s actually kind of nice!” Haruhi glances over with you at the redheads who you can now see are twins- they seem to have refrained from locking lips right then and there, but the two of them are still sitting uncomfortably close and looking at you with interest. Haruhi sighs. “Okay… Maybe ignore them. But other than that…!”

“Ignore us?” The redheads are up and leaning over Haruhi’s shoulder in an instant, voices eerily in sync. “But we’re the most interesting ones here!” Says one. “Don’t you want to introduce us to your friend?” Says the other, in a nearly identical voice, looking at you with mischievous amber eyes.

“Um, guys, this is Y/N. She’s my best friend from middle school. Y/N, this is… the club.” She waves her hand, and three more boys magically appear from wherever they were hiding.

“Is there a problem?” A deep voice rumbles from behind you, and when you turn- holy shit how tall is this guy? He’s built like a tank!

“No, Mori, it’s fine. She’s a friend.”

“Oooooooo, a friend of Haru-chan! That means we can be friends, too!” There’s a tug on your sleeve and you look down to find another blonde, this one as tiny as the deep-voiced one is tall. He’s cuddling a small stuffed rabbit in the crook of his arm. “I’m Mitsukuni Haninozuka! But you can call me Honey! Everyone does!” His eyes are wide an adoring, and why the hell is this five year old running around with high schoolers?

“Um. Hi, Honey,” you say carefully, extracting yourself from his grip. “Nice to meet you.”

He beams up at you. “Do you want some cake? Today we have strawberry; my favorite!”

“Maybe later,” you say weakly. He shrugs and turns to the giant- Mori- who wordlessly picks him up and settles him onto his shoulders like that’s a completely normal thing that happens all the time.

Unfazed, Haruhi gestures to the twins still clinging to her side. “This is Kaoru, and this is Hikaru,” on the right and left, respectively. There’s no way you’re ever going to keep them straight. “And that’s-”

“Tamaki. King of the Host Club, at your service!” He says this with a flourish, making you raise an eyebrow higher than you ever thought possible.

“You… weren’t kidding.” You look at Haruhi. “You joined a club. A host club. No, wait. You said you were forced. The vase- was that real too? Holy crap, you broke an eight million yen vase?”

“I’m afraid so.” The final boy steps forward, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “Ootori Kyoya,” he says calmly, inclining his head. “The vase was scheduled for auction to raise money for the club. Unfortunately, with its demise, Haruhi here has no choice but to work off the debt after school each day.”

“By calling her your dog? What, do you make her lick your shoes to a polish?”

Haruhi clears her throat, and you glance at her. “I’m, uh. I’m actually a host now.”

“Oh, fantastic. That’s so much better.”

“I can assure you, miss… Y/N? That Haruhi is in good hands here.”

You stare at him incredulously, meeting his cool gaze. “As much as someone can be being forced to work until graduation for something that was an accident? You’re… Ootori, right, your family practically owns half of Japan.” He doesn’t dispute you. “And you all!” You turn to the rest of the group. “How much is tuition here? Eight million yen is probably pocket money to all of you! But instead of helping out the new girl- who was probably just as freaked out as I am right now, I feel like I could break a couple of priceless vases too- and just cough up your weekly allowance to cover the cost, you decide instead it’d be funny to hold blackmail over her head until graduation?” You’re practically fuming. “Rich people! Unbelievable.”

“I believe we aren’t in the business of handing out charity,” Kyoya says coolly, and you scoff.

“Right. The people who are in a position to actually give charity conveniently don’t want to. Jesus.”

“Hey!” Haruhi interjects. “I don’t need charity!”

“You don’t have eight million yen either!” You argue back.

You’re both at an impasse, staring each other down as only best friends can, while the onlookers look between the two of you like it’s a tennis match. “Look,” Haruhi says softly. “I’ll admit this is… unorthodox. But the host club really isn’t that bad.” She looks around at the boys who have moved into semi-defensive positions in case they need to fight for her honor, or something, which makes her smile. “I have friends here. Which isn’t something I thought I’d say transferring to Ouran.” She takes a breath. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. I promise I never meant to ignore you. There’s just been… a lot going on.”

“I can imagine,” you say, eyeing your audience. “Just… shoot me a text every once in a while, okay? Just so I know you haven’t been kidnapped by a gaggle of rich boys… any more than you already have been, I guess.” You fumble over your words. God, this was so weird.

Tension abated, most everyone watching floats back to whatever it was they were doing before you barged into the music room. “And you.” You point a finger at the Ootori boy before he can run away. “Haruhi is loyal to a fault. And she pays her debts. It’s noble, really, but you better be giving her breaks and days off and- is there a union for this sort of thing? God, I’m so out of my league here.” You pause. “Just- if any of you hurt her, I’ll know, and your fancy private police force won’t be able to save you. Got it?”

He looks vaguely amused behind his glasses- and maybe a little impressed. Not may people have the guts to stand up to him like that. “I believe the issue of breaks and such would need to be taken up with Tamaki. He is the club’s president, after all.”

You glance over at the boy, who is currently alternating fussing and shouting and crying over Haruhi, who seems to be tolerating all of that hoopla generally well. “Right. He’s the president of the club. And I’ve got eight million yen.”

Ootori nods. “Touché. I promise you we’ll be in touch regarding Haruhi’s progress at Ouran. I’m sure you know how dedicated she is, so she should have no problems.”

“True. But she doesn’t need anything distracting her, either.”

“As I said, we’ll be in touch. Should you begin to see problems, we’ll talk.” He looks over at the other club members, all talking with Haruhi. “Though if it’s any consolation, I believe most of the gentleman here care for her as much as you do.”

You follow his gaze to the little group, who are talking and laughing amongst themselves like old friends. Haruhi is in the middle of it all, and despite the attention she usually so hates, she’s smiling. And laughing. And seems happier than she has in a long time. Huh.

“Yeah. Maybe they do.”

[notbang]

r/n + unconventional sleep aid

also on ao3

“I need to see you in my office. Now.”

Rebecca frowns, tucking her phone between her ear and shoulder in order to resume wiping down her countertop. “And good evening to you, too. Also, I don’t work for you anymore. Also, it’s 7 p.m.”

“I’m sorry, that was rude of me,” Nathaniel concedes. “Good evening, Rebecca—hope you’re well. I need to see you in my office. Now. Please.”

The call is terminated before she has time to come back with a witty rejoinder.

“Ugh, fine,” she says, tossing her washcloth in the direction of the back counter. “I’ll bite.”

She rolls her eyes as she steps into the elevator.

*

“I know we don’t see each other so much anymore, but dude. You still could’ve mentioned to me at some point that you adopted a baby.”

She’s not entirely sure what she expected from her gruff summons to the Mountaintop office, but Nathaniel with a small child balanced on his hip definitely wasn’t remotely in the zip code of it.

He shoots her a withering look in response. “This isn’t my baby,” he says. “This is your baby, so I’m going to need you to take her.”

Rebecca takes a pointed step backward when he moves towards her, angling his cargo away from his body and very clearly telegraphing his intentions to pass it over.

“Whoa, nuh-uh,” she says, holding up her hands to reject the transfer. “That is not my baby and you know it.”

“You helped make it,” he accuses.

“Hey, Heather carried it around in her Easy-Bake for nine months. If you’re going to play that particular card, you can call her.”

His expression shifts so quickly from pleading to miserable that she has to swallow back a laugh. Apparently resigning himself to his fate, he readjusts his awkward hold and checks his watch with an irritated flick of his wrist.

Rebecca finally steps out of the doorway, crossing the threshold into the office proper. It feels strange, being back here, and the hour and the lighting isn’t making it any easier. She surveys the room—there’s a portable cot half-kicked under Nathaniel’s desk, his phone still face up on the glass where he’d barked at her on speaker. Nothing that provides any real insight into what exactly is going on.

“So how did you get stuck with my strictly-biological offspring, anyway?”

Nathaniel’s body is making intermittent jerking motions that Rebecca isn’t entirely convinced he’s conscious of; when she realises it’s his absent attempt at rocking Hebby, she has to bite back her grin.

“I’m not entirely sure. Darryl rushed out of here—something about his other daughter and an unfortunate incident on the monkey bars—and since I’m the only person around here capable of putting in a little overtime without coercion—”

“The only one without a life,” Rebecca corrects. “Carry on.”

“—somehow, being the last person left in the office was all the babysitting qualifications required.”

“Well, I’m not sure what you need me for. It seems like you’re doing perfectly fine on your own.”

Nathaniel blinks. “You don’t understand. It won’t stop crying.”

“What are you talking about? She hasn’t made a peep the entire time I’ve been here.”

“Because I picked her up,” he says, like it’s an obvious issue. “As soon as I put her back in her little carrier thing, it’ll be back to uncontrollable wailing. She’s a baby—what does she even have to wail about? She’s too young to have problems.” He gestures at his chest with his free hand. “I have problems. They just got rid of the ChargePoint on Azusa. I’m the one that should be uncontrollably wailing.”

“I mean, have you tried again? She seems pretty settled to me.”

In lieu of a response, Nathaniel switches his hold on Hebby to a two-handed, under-arm grip. True to his word, the second she leaves the comfort of the crook of his arm she starts to fuss. By the time he’s depositing her in the tiny bassinet it’s progressed to what Rebecca has to concede is indeed a full-blown wail.

“You know, I spent a lot of time in this office,” Rebecca crouches in front of the carrier to whisper conspiratorially, “and I gotta say. I can relate.”

When she glances back up Nathaniel’s looking at her with something too much like eight months of memories in his eyes and she clears her throat, suddenly oddly grateful to have a baby as a buffer between them to fend them off.

“I’ll, uh… I’ll just…”

She dips to scoop up the wriggling, wauling mass of tear-streaked pink skin, fitting her to her shoulder in a way that feels slightly less unnatural than it did the last time, one hand wrapping around the back of the tiny, curly head on some kind of hesitant autopilot. Hebby gives the illusion of settling for approximately a millisecond before she’s squirming, her cries ascending in pitch until they’re bordering on a scream, arms extended to make uncoordinated grabby hands in Nathaniel’s general direction. More amused than perturbed, Rebecca holds her out towards him.

His smug look fades, and he only resists a moment before reluctantly taking back his charge.

It’s almost comical, the way Hebby claws her way up Nathaniel’s chest, clutching at the fabric of his clothes with frustrated, clenching fingers, as if she’s mad at him for setting her down to begin with, and she wants him to know it. But then she wipes her snotty face on the breast of his jacket and falls quiet, her plump rosy cheek pressed firm against his shoulder.

When she’s not busy being the one terrified at the prospect of caring for an infant, Rebecca supposes she can admit on some objective level that parenthood isn’t as entirely off-putting as she’d like to pretend. Or perhaps objectivity isn’t exactly something she can claim right now, given the treacherous flutter of endearment she’s currently experiencing in the face of another one of her former lovers looking distractingly paternal with a tiny human cradled in their arms.

Between the exhaustion, her ovaries and her overly complicated daddy issues, it’s like she barely stood a chance.

“Wow. The whole Mr Mom look kind of suits you.”

Nathaniel rolls his head away from her, dismissive and embarrassed. “I’m not… Kids aren’t my thing,” he says, clearing his throat.

“Well, neither. But Hebby here says you’re a liar.”

Figures, she thinks, remembering the way Greg had so similarly easily mollified her. Not everything is about the guys, girl, she feels like she’s going to need to caution, just as soon as the kid’s language skills are underway.

“She likes you,” is what she ends up saying aloud, softly, begrudgingly charmed by the chubby hand weakly fisting in Nathaniel’s burgundy tie.

“Well, she definitely didn’t get that from you,” he says, tone vaguely self-deprecating. He must catch something she wasn’t quick enough to conceal in her face because he immediately opens his mouth to backtrack. “I was just—”

“It’s fine,” she interrupts. Her teeth sink into her lower lip. “Actually, while I’m here, I kind of owe you an apology.”

His eyebrows crease up his forehead. “For what?”

It’s the first time they’ve properly seen each other since her recent spectacular nosedive, outside of tight smiles and lingering looks in the lobby. Now that they’re in an enclosed space together the metaphorical elephant in the room seems to be looming twice as high.

“For the other night. Thank you, for sending me home,” she says, with all the unnerving sincerity she can summon.

Nathaniel looks stricken, sucking in a steadying breath. “Oh. You don’t have to—”

“No, listen. My acting out could have played out so much worse if it weren’t for you and Josh, and I know it’s a low bar to set for basic human decency, but I also know what spiralling Rebecca can be like, and it’s not pretty—she’s kind of a manipulative bitch. You were trying to move on and me turning up on your doorstep was so far outside the realm of okay, Nathaniel—I am so sorry. Honestly.”

“Oh,” he says. “Okay. I appreciate it. Did you…” He trails off, wetting his lips, changing tracks mid-sentence from what she can sense he really wants to ask. “Did you get a good night’s sleep, at least?”

She thinks of the bench outside the outpatient centre, the crick in her back and the stiffness deep in her bones when she woke to Dr Shin shimmering in front of her like some kind of mirage. A lifesaver, coming to buoy her back to shore. “Yes,” she says, consoling herself with the sliver of truth behind the lie. “You saw how much I’d had to drink. Slept like a baby.”

Her gaze slides over the sleepy droop of Hebby’s own eyelids, and she can’t help but think of how much she doesn’t want any of this mess for her.

“Do you ever get sick of apologies?” she wonders out loud. “I kind of keep waiting for everyone to get tired of my broken record. I know I do.”

“I’ve never been big on them until recently,” Nathaniel says, offering her a small smile. “The novelty hasn’t worn off for me yet.”

He moves to lean against the edge of his desk, snapping ramrod straight again when Hebby immediately grizzles her protest. The minute he’s properly upright she makes a contented snuffling sound and he hitches her a bit further up on his chest, hesitating. “Can I just…”

“What?”

“I know you were hurting,” he says, swallowing hard, “when you came to my apartment. I know it wasn’t about me, or even Greg, really. I know that, I do. But I—”

“You want to know if I meant any of what I said,” she finishes for him.

She’s gotten stuck on that a few times, too. She isn’t sure she has a satisfying explanation for either of them.

“I was not in a good place. I felt rejected, and when I feel that way I lash out. And I go looking for that attention elsewhere. So I went to you, because I thought, ‘here’s a sucker that’s chosen me, every single time I’ve given him half the chance’.”

He exhales hard at that. “Ouch.”

“Yeah. Like I said—she’s a bitch. But as for what you’re wondering—the answer’s messy.” She tilts her head at him, giving him a sad smile. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about you.”

His palm is rubbing back and forth across Hebby’s baby blue romper in broad, firm strokes, and if he wasn’t otherwise occupied she imagines he’d be subjecting the back of his neck to the same motion. They’ve spent enough time in the company of each other’s bodies to know their tics and tells.

“I’m starting to realise that life is made up of loose threads, and maybe I need to accept that I can’t untangle all of them. I just gotta let some of them dangle, and kind of catch on things until they fall out.”

He lets out a wry chuckle. “The knots on this one run pretty deep, huh?”

“I’ve got a couple of those,” she admits. “And the stab wounds to show for trying to stitch them back together. Sometimes I feel like I quit because it’s hard, but it’s only because I’m scared of it becoming a different kind of hard, you know?”

She needs to focus on something that isn’t Nathaniel’s imploring face, so she turns her attention to lightly stroking the back of Hebby’s squishy fist, unable to stifle the coo that comes out of her mouth unbidden when five tiny fingers wrap themselves around her pinky on unconscious reflex. The only thing she failed to consider was how much closer she’s brought herself to Nathaniel in the process.

“Hey, look at that—out like a light. You’ve got the magic touch.” She carefully extracts her finger and steps away, crossing her arms and regarding the now-fast asleep Hebecca with amusement. “I think,” she begins, grinning because she knows exactly how much he’s going to hate it, “that maybe, you remind her of Darryl.”

She doesn’t bother to tell him that she only meant it height-wise—the excessively put-upon sigh he makes a show of heaving in her direction is everything she’d hoped for and more.

*

Rebecca jolts awake to a stimulus she can’t remember, but she thinks it might have been someone calling her name.

She hadn’t meant to doze off, but politely turning away when Nathaniel had started humming self-consciously into the crown of a hiccuping Hebecca’s head had led to stretching out across his leather couch, and stretching out had led to closing her eyes for just a moment, and… well. At least one of them had been lulled into placation by his lullaby.

“No naps,” she mumbles with insistence. “I’m not napping.”

She pulls herself into some approximation of upright against the arm of the couch, and it’s only the motion of it slipping down that draws her attention to Nathaniel’s suit jacket and the way he’s draped it over her shoulders while she was sleeping. Wrapping her fingers around the dark blue wool of the lapel, she tugs it back into position, resisting the heady impulse to inhale.

Its owner is perched on the edge of the desk in front of her, exposed shirtsleeves haphazardly rolled up to his elbows, his face radiating a flattering fusion of exhaustion and warmth, and she has to actively tamp down on the burst of fondness that sets itself free in her chest at the sight of him.

“Hey,” she says, still groggy. “Where’s Hebby?”

“Darryl just left. He said to tell you thank you.”

“Who, me? I barely did anything. Except fall asleep, apparently.” She looks up at him, sheepish. “I’ve started some new medication, and… yeah. Inconvenient side effects.”

“Ah.” He smiles. “Well, I appreciated the moral support. Even if it was entirely lacking. Pleasant dreams?”

“Beat a park bench, that’s for sure.”

Ignoring his funny look and dragging herself to her feet with extreme reluctance, she holds his jacket in front of her like some kind of shield that will help her keep her messy feelings in check. “I guess I should, um…” She gestures towards the door.

“I think about you too,” he blurts out, then runs a hand over his face. “Not… I mean, I do, but that’s not what I’m trying to say. There’s a voice in my head, now, telling me to be better. And it kind of sounds like you.”

A giddy sense of pride effervesces in her bloodstream at that—for all their dysfunction, it’s encouraging to know there was some kind of positive takeaway.

“I’m honoured. Really. And it may not seem like it right now,” she says, nose wrinkling as she gifts him a tiny smile, “but the best part is when the voice doesn’t sound like anyone anymore. It just becomes… you.”

It’s too quiet, too intimate; the lamplight too invitingly low, and she needs to leave before she starts to unspool. She steps closer to him as if she’s moving through liquid, sure to come just short of invading his personal space, and when she presses the jacket back into his hands, she’s careful to not quite let their fingers brush.

“Goodnight, Nathaniel,” she says gently.

She stops herself from letting her gaze linger over her shoulder at him as she leaves.

mini fic prompt meme.

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE Review: Ghost Rider vs. Lobo

Two badass bikers have one hell of a fight!

Ghost Rider′s Preview.

If one were to take a look at Johnny Blaze, you wouldn’t really expect much out of the son of a famous stuntman who had died in a stunt gone wrong. But, you’d be surprised. Johnny’s new dad, Crash Simpson, got cancer.

So Johnny turned to the one man who could fix the problem: The Devil.

It worked… Until Crash crashed.

From that day forward, Johnny became merged with Zarathos. A being of power that scared Mephisto. And together, they became: Ghost Rider.

Ghost Rider possesses your typical powerset for a bounty hunter for the devil. From your typical Superhuman strength and speed, with a side of insane durability and an extra large healing factor.

And to top it all off, Ghost Rider’s signature weapon of choice is fire. But not just any kind of fire. Hellfire (Insert Hunchback of Notre Dame reference here).

Hellfire burns, but not in the conventional way you might think. Hellfire burns away at the soul, bypassing any defenses that would normally protect against typical burn damage. It’s like Salazzle’s Corrosion ability, only with fire.

But, if you’re going to be on the hunt for bad guys to make them pay for their sins, you’re going to need a toolset to match. From your typical hellish chains to soul manipulaton, Ghost Rider is one hell of a guy to fight…

Real talk: Lowkey disappointed that there weren’t more hell puns like this in the episode proper.

But if there’s anything that Ghost Rider is known for, it would be his Hell Cycle. Which we get a Wiz and Boomstick animation for the explanation.

Moving on, Ghost Rider’s other signature move is his Penance Stare. A Bloodcurdling gaze that burns the victims with the agony of their sins. Every life they’ve ruined, every person they’ve killed, all of it comes hitting you at once. Basically, it’s the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” phrase weaponized to the point that it burns. If you’re a truly sinful being, your soul goes bye bye. It’s like the Dark Hado, only with a less complicated button input.

And since the hosts neglected to mention it here (or even in the list of feats (Though, it is shown)), this stare once brought Galactus to his knees. Here’s the video link.

With all that power, Ghost Rider has taken on some insane opponents.

From the likes of Thor, to World War Hulk, to Doctor Strange, Ghost Rider has taken on a great slew of opponents, both good and bad.

However, Johnny doesn’t exactly have the best relationship with the Ghost Rider.

In fact, Johnny’s relationship with Ghost Rider is similar to Bruce Banner’s relation to the Hulk. Johnny suppresses Ghost Rider’s full potential, and the two often clash.

Also, since I forgot to bring it up earlier, The Penance Stare doesn’t work on the blind, those without a soul, those who draw power from pain, or masochists.

However, plot twist, Zarathos is actually an angel of vengeance, not a demon.

And similar to the Hulk, when Johnny opts to let the reigns loose, Zarathos. becomes so powerful, that he scares Doctor Strange.

For reference to Zarathos’ power, he’s equal to the divorce judge Mephisto, who in turn, once battle Galactus. The fight was so intense, that the entire universe was at risk as a byproduct of the battle.

Zarathos himself can eat souls. As for Johnny himself, the guy is still a mortal man, so he’s vulnerable to any kind of conventionally lethal attack. The Rider himself is vulnerable to holy weaponry, and is killable through it.

And even if he’s not too keen on being the Devil’s bounty hunter, Johnny’s doing alright. He even overthrew Mephisto… Does this mean that Peter and MJ’s divorce is null now?- I’m pretty sure that it’s null on the grounds of it being filed under duress, but still.

However, should you be walking out on your own, hearing a feint sound of a chopper drawing near, and see a glow on the horizon getting closer, you better hope that it’s not you that the Ghost Rider is after.

And you better pray to whatever deity that you believe in for mercy.

Because Ghost Rider won’t be giving it.

Lobo′s Preview.

It’s the 1990s, and the world of comics entered a darker age. After the success of such books like Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, comic book companies started to churn out gritty anti-heroes by the dozen.

From the time-traveling mutant Cable, to the darker and grittier Azrael, and Overkill. It was an… interesting time, to say the least. They were certainly cool-looking, but at some point, it just got ridiculous, that the world needed someone to take these guys down a peg.

The world needed a hero- no. A parody.

Enter: Czarnia. A planet that was known to be the most peaceful place in the universe… “Was” being the keyword there. The planet was. ravaged by a biological lifeform that left only one survivor: The guy who killed them all: Lobo.

For the record, Lobo’s name roughly translates to “He who devours your entrails and enjoys it.”

(So, he’s basically the NRA).

Lobo’s birth caused so much destruction, that pretty much everyone around him died out. Hell, some theorists think that the universe made Lobo just to balance out the peacefulness of Czarnia.

Lobo strives to be unique, and what better way to be unique than to be the last of your kind?

Lobo has left destruction in his wake. Which is possibly why he became a bounty hunter, as it’s the only profession that legally lets you kill people… Not that it stops him from killing you illegally as well.

Lobo is so insanely durable, that his healing factor is stupidly powerful. And his strength is off the charts. He’s like the unholy child of Superman and Deadpool. Speaking of which…

Oh, Taka… You never fail to make us laugh.

Anyways, not only can Lobo regenerate from a single drop of blood, he can also basically clone himself from it.

If you haven’t guessed by now, Lobo is stupidly hard to kill. He’s taken on the likes of Superman and other high-level fighters to the point that he’s basically  invulnerable. And if that’s not enough for you, he’s also pretty smart capable enough of doing complex equations to be able to tag the Flash.

Lobo can even deduce the weak points of any opponent he faces.

Of course, you don’t get to be an infamous bounty hunter unless you have the tools for the job.

Lobo’s ride responds to his whistle, can fly fast enough to escape a black hole, comes equipped with numerous machine guns, and has numerous other add-ons to boot.

And he has numerous firearms to deal with anyone who gets in his way. Even better: He’s also a fan of chain weapons.

Lobo also likes to ignore some things too. Like how he can sing “Born To Be Wild” while in the vacuum of space.

If that’s not physics-breaking enough for you, Lobo also once did this:

He pulled down Solaris despite it being physically impossible. Not, physically like his physique is inadequate, more like… It breaks physics. Meybe he and the Flash can bond over that.

For reference, this is how much strength Lobo would be exerting to pull Solaris down, assuming that Solaris has a mass similar to our sun.

Lobo also once crushed an entire city to fit in the palm of his hand. And then he ate it. There’s not a laxative in the world that can make that easy to digest.

And thanks to his rambunctious attitude, and constant heavy metal playing, Lobo has been banned from the afterlife. As in, his soul is not to be collected by death. Once the universe ends, he doesn’t go with it.

Lobo has a bomb that wiped out the dinosaurs, allegedly murdered Santa Claus (Who could bypass Apoklips’ defenses to give Darkseid a lump of coal), and has even walked through literal willpower.

However, despite his many claims, Lobo isn’t perfect. He can still take damage, and while his spirit can fight on without his body, he’s not exactly invincible.

He also has a… fondness for dolphins… Apparently. But, he’s also a man of his word, and will follow things to the spirit too. So, he’s basically the exact opposite of the NRA.

And unlike guys like Doctor Fate, the Green Lanterns, and Darkseid, Lobo isn’t immune to retcons.

This new Lobo is a dark and tortured soul. Literally the thing that the real Lobo was meant to be a parody of.

Thankfully, some of the writers at DC had a sense of irony, and decided to shelve the new Lobo… Literally.

And with all that, Lobo is one fighter that you don’t want to mess with. Because when the Main Man gets a contract…

The Battle Itself.

Zack, Luis, and Jerky are heading this animation. Ghost Rider will be voiced by Steven Kelly and Lobo will be voiced by Jason Marnocha. ), sprite artists, Ride to Hell by Brandon Yates. Audio is led by Chris Kokkinos.

The fight starts off with Lobo collecting a bounty, only for the Spirit of Vengeance to show up and give Lobo what’s coming to him.

Lobo, being Lobo, doesn’t take too kindly to someone telling him what to do, so he just runs over the Hell Cycle to get away.

Ghost Rider, understandably mad as hell, gives chase, and even fries Lobo’s bounty while doing it. So now even the Main Man is mad too.

After a brief battle of chains, Lobo does a Scorpion impression and grabs Ghost Rider to give him one hell of a headbutt.

But Blaze doesn’t take this lying down, so the battle gets forced to a city… Hopefully abandoned.

And now it’s Ghost Rider’s turn to do a Scorpion impression as he uses his hellfire to give Lobo a nasty Burn.

This being Lobo, he powers through it to get to Ghost Rider to eat a building.

This being Ghost Rider, the Spirit of Vengeance bursts out, spilling blood everywhere. But, this is Lobo.

Or rather, Lobos (Note the plural). They dogpile on the burning skull head, forcing Ghost Rider to unleash Zarathos.

Lobo, pretty miffed at the moment, blasts Ghost Rider with a massive gun.

So, with the battlefield fragged, the finishing blow (Yes, this wasn’t the finishing blow) is coming up in 5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Hot damn…

Verdict + Explanation.

Okay, so… This being Lobo, it was a pretty intense fight. Lobo doesn’t die easily. And Lobo also takes many of the physical advantages, like strength. But Ghost Rider wasn’t a slouch in this area either.

Given the insane durability and amount of pain that each fighter could take and dish out, it was hard to say for sure as to who would win out. But, Lobo doesn’t have any specific weaknesses that are obscure, and he wasn’t equipped to have anything to really kill Ghost Rider.

Now, you might be thinking “Who cares about Holy Weapons when you can crush and eat a whole city?” While that’s a good question, and it’s also a good question to ask if Lobo could just overpower Johnny.

However, Remember: Zarathos = Mephisto, and Mephisto = Galactus. Given that the fight between Mephisto and Galactus put the whole universe at risk, it’s reasonable to say that Zarathos could do the same.

Now, given Lobo’s own speed, he couldn’t really run from the Ghost Rider either. Recall that the Hell Cycle could outrace Mjolnir, and Mjolnir could move over 100 Billion times the speed of light. So, even if Lobo could figure out Ghost Rider’s weaknesses, he can’t exactly get away to find a holy weapon to work with.

Essentially, Lobo could handle the Ghost Rider, but once Zarathos was unleashed, his means of victory started diminishing fast.

But now, for the big elephant in the room: How do you kill a person who’s banned from the afterlife?

Well, this is where you need a lawyer, because there’s a small little loophole that Ghost Rider can exploit:

Lobo’s soul can only not be collected, there’s nothing saying that his soul can just go poof. And Ghost Rider has three ways of just ending Lobo’s soul.

His hellfire bypasses normal defenses, his Penance Stare can deal damage to Lobo since he’s got trillions of dead people on his hands, and Zarathos could just straight-up eat his soul. Lobo has no defenses against attacks that target the soul.

Essentially, Lobo was toast.

The winner is Ghost Rider.

Overall impression.

This fight was cosmic. In essence, it takes some of the most intense fighters and pits them against each other. This fight has a lot of hype behind it, and it’s one

hell

of a fight.

However, the lack of “Hell” puns during Ghost Rider’s rundown is somewhat disappointing. But the fight is awesome. It also helps that the music is intense in the good way that it makes it really feel like a battle straight out of hell.

The fight’s awesome, the explanation makes sense, and the music is a banger.

8.666/10

Next Time…

A friend of mine on Deviantart is doing reviews of these Kaiju Movies and a few Power Rangers episodes too. I’m feeling that this fight might interest him.

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Robo-Kaiju Rumble.