#anyways it warms my heart thinking about all that. the hope and strength it gives me

[noxtivagus]

LALI-HO <3

[flametrashiraarchive]

Thinking about Gyomei who returns from a long string of missions to find his s/o laying down, staring at nothing. Eyes empty, voice apathetic, like a cup with a hole at the bottom, drained of life.

Gyomei's big frame craddling his s/o, rocking back and forth in comfort, trying to breathe more life into his s/o's depressed form, trying to return the warmth stolen by their mind.

Gyomei ready to give up, when his s/o starts to respond to his touch finally...

... after all his cuddles are the best.

- Beer anon 🍻

Who has two thumbs and gets carried away writing about sad boys 👍😎👍

Thank you for this ask. I loved writing about Gyomei and I hope I did him well!

NSFW and unbearable cuteness beneath the cut.

Softer than Mochi- Gyomei x Reader

Gyomei's chin was tilted down as he listened to you. Ordinarily, your voice brought him familiar comfort, but lately he had noticed the sound of it, along with the scent of your skin, was eliciting a new sort of reaction.

It was both unbearably exciting and incredibly uncomfortable.

"Please continue." He shifted his weight as he sat cross-legged on the rocks. His cheeks were getting warm as you told him about your latest mission. "You pursued the demon through the forest?"

You continued speaking, seemingly unaware of his predicament. "Yes. So anyway, the demon almost got away, but I took it down and managed to save the woman it was trying to snatch away. It won't bother anyone again."

"Ah… good. You did well. I'm proud."

There was a slight shift in the air which told him you'd taken a step forward. His heart quickened. 

"Thank you," you said. "I couldn't have done it without your training."

Instinctively, Gyomei opened his arms to accept your embrace. You hugged him often, and he enjoyed it every time.

You were so soft and precious to him. Most people felt small to Gyomei– even Tengen Uzui who stood six and a half feet tall and had muscles on muscles felt like a willow branch sometimes.

The stone hashira wrapped you in his arms, breathing in your warm and lovely scent.

"My sweet friend," he whispered as you buried your face against his neck, making his stomach flutter. "Your capabilities come from your strength and determination, not from me. I taught you ways to use your tools, but you were the one who built and refined them. And you have already been given your next mission?"

"Yes." Your voice was filled with a conflicting mix of  weariness and determination. The lower ranked slayers such as yourself were always busy taking down weaker demons, while hashira were assigned to the less frequent but more difficult missions. "I have to leave here in an hour in fact. I have a train to catch."

An hour was too little time to spend together, but Gyomei would cherish every moment. "I smell matcha… what is that?"

"I brought you some mochi," you said, placing a paper packet in his large hands.

Gyomei smiled and carefully unwrapped the packet, touching his fingers to the squishy little cakes. They were round, perfectly smooth, and as soft as your cheeks, but each one had two little pointed bumps on top… they felt like ears.

The stone hashira's smile widened. "Are they cat-shaped?"

Your excited laughter was heartwarming music to him. "Yes!"

His chest filled with adoration. "They're almost too cute to eat. Thank you, my dearest friend." 

You sat beside him on the rocks, listening to the roaring waterfall and the babbling song of the river. Your hand rested in his, so small and delicate but somehow so warm and profound. 

"Please be safe on your mission," Gyomei said. "And inform me when you get back."

His heart leapt as you leaned against him, resting your head on his bicep. "I will. I'll come and find you before I do anything else. You be safe too, Gyo."

When you stood, his heart lamented. The air shifted again and he opened his arms to embrace you, but this time you pressed your lips softly to his cheek, your hands resting on his shoulders.

The tingle of your kiss lingered on his skin long after you left for your mission. Gyomei remained seated where you left him, smiling as he thought of you and ate the mochi you so sweetly made for him. The world, for a little while, was very beautiful. 

Gyomei had faced countless demons, he had suffered every brutality, but your gentle kiss hit him harder than anything he had ever known before. Your lips were so soft he could have wept.

***

Five days passed before he heard whispers of your return but you did not come to see him as promised. 

That was unlike you and it filled Gyomei with concern. He walked the familiar path to your home, trying to calm his mind. There could be a number of explanations; maybe you were asleep, maybe you had been summoned elsewhere… maybe you had only said you would come to see him first to humor him.

He reached your front door and raised his hand to knock, but found only empty space in front of his knuckles. He called out your name and heard only silence. His heart plummeted. 

Your door was open and you were not responding. He immediately suspected the worst. But there was no trace of a demon, no sickly scent of death or injury. 

"I'm coming in," he said, so as not to scare you.

Your house was silent, and the air had a strange sort of quality. In the past, your home had been a place of comfort for him, but now when he stepped across the threshold he felt a sorrowful weight in his heart.

"Are you here?" He tried to conceal the worry, but it came out anyway. "My friend, speak to me… please."

"Gyo…" 

At the sound of your voice his heart leapt. He turned toward the sound and took a step forward. 

"Are you hurt?" He asked. 

"No… I'm sorry I scared you."

You were on the floor. 

He crouched close to you, reaching out a hand toward you. "My friend, what has happened? I can hear the pain in your voice."

A heavy silence sat between you. Oh, his heart was aching and he couldn't fathom why. Your voice sounded so empty, so utterly broken. You were sitting on a futon in the center of the room; still and quiet and emanating sorrow. He couldn't hold back from reaching out further and placing his hand upon you. His fingers brushed your forearm and traveled down until he found your hand and held it in his. Somehow you felt smaller… hollow…

He didn't press the issue. You would tell him in your own time. He simply sat with you and held your hand. Gyomei was patient.

After a while you moved. He heard your clothes shuffle, felt the air waft against him as you moved your body.

His heart squeezed as you rested your forehead on his shoulder, and he couldn't refrain from holding you. He wrapped you up in his arms, easing you down to sit in his lap as he surrounded you in his embrace.

You fit so perfectly against him; so small and sacred. He held you with endless love and affection, cradling you in his arms as he rested his chin on top of your head. Something had bruised your sweet spirit, and he would hold you for eternity if he thought it could help you heal.

Finally, you spoke. "I failed, Gyomei. The demon's victims begged me to help and I failed. I couldn't save them."

It was a pain he knew too well, and a pain you would have to make space for in your heart because it would never truly go away.

"I'm sorry. That is never easy."

You pressed yourself closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Please forgive me."

"Oh, little one." His chest ached. He was so bound to your shattering heart that the splinters of it pierced through his own. "How I wish I could take away your pain." 

You trembled as silent sobs wracked your body and Gyomei rocked with you. You mourned the lives you hardly knew and he held you through it as though he could shield you from the rest of the world until the grief was gone. 

"I'm so sorry," you whispered, still weeping.

"You are forgiven, my dearest friend." He knew the apology wasn't truly meant for him, but he also knew you needed a seed of forgiveness to allow solace to take root and start to grow.

You cried your tears until you had nothing left. Finally, you grew still and the tension in your body waned.

"You have such a beautiful soul." He unwound one of his arms from around you and wiped away your tears with his thumb. He smiled, "And the softest cheeks."

You laughed quietly and it mended your hearts a little. "Thank you."

"Please do not be sad anymore. Take this pain and use it to help more people."

"Gyomei…" His name was music when it came from your lips. "You're so dear to me. This mission helped me realize I should make sure you know that."

"You are to me too. You're precious."

The gentle touch of your fingers on his jaw made his heart flutter. You traced the shape of his face as he had done to you so many times before.

His pulse raced. The air between you crackled with something unspoken. Your breaths were shallow and shivering as they blew across his lips. Heat prickled on his cheeks and along the column of his neck as he continued to hold you, dipping his chin to he nearer to you. He was inexperienced but not completely naive. Even if he couldn’t quite believe it was happening, he knew you were thinking about kissing him.

He wanted it too. 

“I adore you," he managed to whisper.

"I adore you too."

His heart pounded as you traced the outline of his lips with your fingertips. It was the most intimate sensation he had ever felt. Each breath he drew took a tremendous effort and barely reached the top of his lungs. This was unlike him; Gyomei was in tune with every muscle in his body, and yet your tender touch weakened him more than he thought possible.

He released you from his embrace and raised his hands to your face, finding his bearings before he leaned down and closed the distance, kissing you with infinite tenderness.

The moment his lips met yours, you responded, melting against him and kissing him back; so soft and warm it made his entire body ache. His heart was full to bursting as his thoughts tumbled like a landslide. Your lips were even softer than your cheeks, softer than mochi, warmer than sunlight. 

The kiss seemed to breathe life back into you, and almost at once there was a new passion and hunger which he had sometimes dreamed of experiencing. But never once did he actually believe he could share it with you. You stole his breath away.

When the kiss broke, you showered his face in smaller, more chaste, but no less lovely kisses. Gyomei felt himself smile as his hands trailed down your back.

"Tell me, cherished one," he said quietly, "just so I don't run away with myself. Is this simply to feel good and numb your pain, or is this truly how you feel?"

Thank the gods that the silence afterward was only momentary. His heart couldn't stand it.

"It's how I feel," you responded, caressing the sides of his face with both hands and giving him goosebumps. "Gyo… this is why I come to you after every mission to embrace you and hold your hands. This is why I make cat-shaped mochi for you. I thought you knew I love you."

His heart was about to burst from his chest and his smile could not be contained. "Ah… yes, now that I consider it, it seems obvious."

You laughed. "My sweet Gyo."

You kissed him again. Though it had only been moments since the last one, relief coursed through him as he drew from that sweet warmth and softness. 

"My most beloved, I am yours."

Your hands explored his shape, traversing the neckline of his shirt to the very top of his chest. While not vain, Gyomei was proud of his strength and the muscles he worked so hard to hone. Your quiet hum of approval sounded against his lips as your fingers touched his pectorals. It filled him with pride.

A breathless, tingling sensation coursed through his body as your touches grew bolder and your kisses increased in intensity. The sensation of your hands brushing his bare skin caused a sensation not unlike you were tugging a chord connected to his core.

"Am I moving too fast?" You asked, still resting your forehead against his as though it was as painful for you to be apart as it was for him. 

"Not at all. Continue, please." Heat pickled across his cheeks, far more intense than any sunbeam. 

"You're blushing," you whispered before taking his hand and leading it toward your face, brushing your cheeks with the back of his fingers. "I'm blushing too."

He smiled. "I feel it. You're so warm."

Your cheeks grew plump beneath his fingers as you smiled, and then your hand left his. He heard the soft rustle of fabric, the quickening of your breath, and then you took his hand and led it down to your bare chest.

"Oh…" he choked out.

Nothing in the world could compare to the smooth warmth of your body beneath his large, battle-hewn hands. You were silk to him, lotus petals, mochi, the gentle flow of a sun-warmed stream. His chest ached. Your beauty was overwhelming.

The way you bowed to his tender caresses pulled once more at that chord. When he brushed his thumb over the hardening bud of your nipple and elicited a soft sigh of pleasure from you, the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

Tingling excitement rolled through his lower belly as your hands went to the fastening of his trousers. Gods, he wanted this, he did… but as inexperienced as he was, there were certain facts he was very aware of. 

“We must be patient,” he said. “I need to ensure you are ready.”

“Believe me, Gyo, I’m ready.” You kissed him again with renewed passion, running your fingers through his hair and sending more little shocks of pleasure through him. 

Gyomei smiled as you pulled back from the kiss, placing his hands over yours to halt your progress. “You’re not ready enough.”

“What do… oh… OH.” You had no doubt noticed the bulge forming in his trousers. “I see. You’re–”

“Large.” He pulled in a breath. “I’m very large. And I don't want to hurt you." Slipping his hand over the curve of your waist, he pressed a kiss to the plush softness of your chest. "If you wish to continue then I ask that you permit me to prepare your body to…receive me."

"I want to continue." You kissed him again, your tongue entering his mouth and slowly teasing his; pulling a gravelly moan from his lips. When you withdrew, you stood and he heard the soft rustle of cloth once more as you removed the rest of your clothing. You took his hands and led them to your bare thighs. "Please touch me."

His pulse thundered as he skated his hands along the curves of your body, committing every soft hill and luxurious valley of your shape to memory. Every touch was an act of profound worship, and every sweet sound of pleasure which came from you was an answer to a prayer.

"Beloved, lie down for me," he said softly. "I want you to be comfortable."

You did as he asked, lying back on your futon.

Just knowing that you were before him, laid out and feeling as nervous and as excited as he was, made his heart flutter. He undressed fully before he let his hands stroke the lengths of your thighs, down to your center where the heat radiated from you in intoxicating waves.

"Please tell me if I'm doing well or not," he asked. His voice was quiet and shaking a little with trepidation. "I've never… well, I've received a little bit of instruction on how to do these things but never put them into practice. So please…"

"I will." You placed your hand on his and with gentle pressure, urged him to touch you. 

Your tender flesh was like nothing he had ever felt before. His breath caught in his throat as his fingers mapped out the shape. You were so warm and wet, and the scent of you was truly intoxicating. You made such lovely sounds of pleasure as he slid his fingers through your folds, coating them in your essence. He traced their shape upward, to where they converged over your delicate, swollen bud.

"There," you gasped as he circled his fingers around it. "That's…"

"Your clitoris," he said with a smile. "I know… I told you, I've had instruction."

At the time he had thought Uzui's lessons were wasted on him, but he had committed the information to memory nonetheless. Now, as your hips bucked and your thighs trembled from the gentlest touches, he had every intention of thanking Uzui from the bottom of his heart.

"Gyo-mei~" you gasped as he stroked your clit with his thumb and pushed a thick finger into you. Oh, gods, the heat, the silken flesh, the slick coating of your nectar, like sun-ripened fruit. He wanted so badly to sink into you and feel his body connected to yours. But he would be patient. He would ensure you were completely ready before he satiated his needs. 

A wave of heat washed over him as you bore down on his finger, eager and demanding even without words.

"Is it good?"

"So… good…"

"Do you want more, my beloved?"

"Yes…" your breaths came in short gasps. "More."

He pushed a second finger into you, pausing as you cried out, allowing your body to accommodate them. His fingers, like everything else about him, were large.

He waited until you began to thrust onto them again and took that as a sign that you were ready.

Gently, he began to move his fingers, pumping them into you slowly as his thumb continued to rub your clitoris. His heart quickened as he felt your inner muscles begin to contract and spasm. 

"Don't stop," you whispered, your voice breathless and urgent.

"I won't."

You came apart seconds later, gasping and shuddering as those muscles pulsed around his fingers. You squeezed them so beautifully, and imagining that sensation on his cock was enough to make him lightheaded.

But he still had work to do. "Can you take more?"

You placed your hand on his thigh. "Yes."

A blissful cry emerged from you as he added a third finger, gently stretching you. 

"Gods, Gyomei~"

"Breathe, beloved. Breathe and relax. I will stop if you wish me too."

"Never."

He chuckled before spreading his fingers slightly, opening you up and readying you. "If I could only express the true depth of my feelings for you." He bowed his head, kissing your stomach with slow, lingering kisses as he continued to pump his fingers into you. 

You were so receptive to his touches, moaning softly as you placed your hand on his wrist, as if to hold it down between your thighs. It was a reassuring gesture that he was pleasing you. That's all he truly desired.

He felt your muscles quiver again and you cried out his name. His cock stood firm, aching with need as your pussy squeezed around his fingers.

"I think you are ready." He spoke softly, kneeling back a little. "If you still–"

"I do. Gyomei… I absolutely do."

You got up and sat astride his thighs as he knelt on the bottom of the futon. This was good. It was exactly what he wanted. He needed you to be in control now, setting the depth and intensity. 

Your lips brushed against his as you cupped his face. The bare skin of your torso was so soft and delicate against his large frame. He wound his arms around you and met your kiss, slow and passionate and filled with love. 

Shifting in his lap, you positioned yourself so the head of his cock was pressed against your entrance. He felt a brief stab of worry that he hadn't prepared you well enough, that he had been too hasty and would hurt you, but a moment later you took him with nothing more than a breathy moan. 

"Gyomei… Gods you feel incredible."

Oh there was nothing that could describe that feeling of sinking into you. A needy groan escaped him as he pressed his head to your shoulder and breathed in the scent of you, trying to ground himself. He was lost in the sensation.

"I love you," you whispered, kissing his lips so gently it seemed you felt he was fragile and precious. 

"I love you too, my everything."

He had never felt so connected to anyone. Mind, body, soul, he was yours. He groaned in pleasure as you undulated your hips, taking him deeper inch by inch, stopping to give you both time to adjust and bask in the sensation.

"Does it hurt, my love?" he asked, unable to shake the tinge of concern from his mind or his voice. 

"No. No, we fit together perfectly." You kissed his neck, sending a frisson of pleasure traveling down his body where it pooled in the bottom of his belly. 

People often spoke of the beauty of stars; pinpricks of light shimmering among velvet darkness, and he felt he understood that with you. He felt them. Shimmering sparks which danced across skin, overwhelming him in the best possible way.

Pressure built at his core as you rode him, your hands resting on his shoulders, your soft body moving against his. You were taking him well, better than he had ever dared to hope you could.

The slow rhythm of your movements, the constant pleasure, the intimacy… It was too much. He grit his teeth and choked out a cry.

"Beloved… I'm…"

"Let it happen, Gyo. You've more than satisfied me. Let go…"

You kept on moving to that slow, loving rhythm, building the exquisite pressure which ran through his core, growing and growing until he was barely clinging to his senses.

His fingers gripped your hips with more strength than he ever meant to use with you, holding you to him as his pleasure reached an almost unbearable peak. 

"Ohh, beloved… perfect… so~ ohhh…so perfect." 

He filled you entirely, lowering his head to press his cheek to yours as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and clung to you. 

"I have you," you whispered as you held him, stroking his back as he trembled in your arms.

He knew he could be like this with you for as long as he needed to be. As wave after wave of pleasure rocked through his body, he sank down into your arms, pressing you back until you were lying on the futon and he reclined on his hip beside you, nestling his head against your chest.

Your heart thudded against his ear, beating to a rhythm you had set together. 

His lips curved as you stroked your fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head and sighing in contentment.

And the world was forever beautiful. 

In that moment, and in every moment he shared with you, the stone hashira's heart was softer than mochi.

[navybrat817]

The Dad Diaries: Checkup

Pairing: Dad!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Jamie is a little fussy after his doctor appointment and Bucky continues to admire your strength. Word Count: Over 1.8k Warnings: Fluff, reflecting, first time dad, slight feels (it's me), parenthood, tired parent, shots / needles referenced, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning and a dad, okay?). A/N: Next part of The Dad Diaries! Hope you lovelies enjoy. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky was in the kitchen rinsing off the dishes from dinner when he heard a wailing cry break through the peaceful evening. He dried his hands and told himself not to rush toward the nursery as all other sounds faded into the background, but his feet moved quickly anyway. His body seemed to move on instinct when it came to you and your son since the two of you were his world. And he would do whatever he could to keep you safe and happy.

Another cry rang out as Bucky got to the hall. Somehow, and it must have either been some form of magic or your motherly instinct to comfort your baby, you beat him to the nursery. “It’s okay, Jamie. Mama's here,” you soothed as you carefully picked your son up and cradled him against your chest. “Shh,” you whispered in his ear, your eyes closing as the cries began to get a little softer.

It broke the former sergeant’s heart a bit each time he heard his son cry. He knew you felt the same way. You were empathetic and protective before you had Jamie, but his cries increased your emotions.

A smile touched Bucky's lips as he observed the two of you, his heart warm and full. The longer you held Jamie, the quieter he became. He curled against you like all he needed was the warmth of your loving embrace. In return, you held him like you had the whole world in your hands.

Love would always show up in the ordinary moments because you made them extraordinary.

As touching as the sight was, Bucky sensed how tired you were. He saw it in the slightly strained smile you gave him when you opened your eyes and the way your body sagged as you swayed back and forth to soothe Jaime. You hadn't gotten nearly enough rest today and completely missed your nap after nursing earlier. That wouldn’t do.

Not on his watch.

“Hey,” Bucky said softly enough to not spook Jamie. “Need me to take him?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ve got him,” you replied as your son gripped your shirt with his tiny hand, a silent message to his dad to let him snuggle with his mom a little bit longer. “He’s just a little fussy.”

Bucky nodded as he walked into the room. The doctor warned them to expect some fussiness over the next couple of days thanks to his appointment. “But he isn’t in any pain?” He asked, hurt flooding his blue eyes just from imagining it.

Your gaze softened as you shook your head. “Not that I can tell,” you said. Both of you were observant when it came to Jamie. You picked up on cues and looked for anything out of the ordinary. “I think he’s okay.”

That helped Bucky breathe a bit easier. “And you’re sure I can't take him so you can get some rest?” He asked, not wanting to push, but also a second away from telling you to sit in the rocking chair. You headed toward it and carefully took a seat before he could open his mouth again, as if you sensed what he was about to say.

“I’ll take a nap in a few minutes,” you promised, giving him another small smile. “I just want to hold him a little bit longer.”

Bucky conceded as he put a blue blanket over both of you. Soft and covered in stars, it would keep you both warm. “I still can't believe how big he’s getting,” he said, brushing a finger along his son's soft cheek.

How was it a month already since he blessed your lives?

“Big and strong,” you said, glancing down with a fond smile before looking up again. “Just like his daddy.”

Bucky’s cheeks tinged from the compliment. “He's strong because of his mommy. And beautiful.”

You fought a yawn, but he saw the happiness in your eyes at his words. “He gets that from both of us.”

Jamie scrunched his face before he nuzzled his head against you with a tiny sound, making the brunette chuckle. “Okay, okay. Enjoy your snuggles with your Mama,” he whispered as he bent down and kissed the top of his son’s soft head. He stilled for a moment as he let his soothing scent wash over him. “I’ll be in my office.”

“Okay. I’ll call for you when I’m done,” you said, shutting your eyes when he kissed the top of your head, too.

He dimmed the lights once he crossed the room, but stopped to look back and observe the tender moment between you two a bit longer. It was picture perfect and had his heart swelling again before he went to his office. His journal awaited him at his desk and he got to work with his latest entry.

Hey, Nugget, You’re currently cuddled up with your mom in the nursery and I don’t blame you for soaking up the snuggles. It was a big day for you! Your one month checkup. I still can’t believe it’s been a month since you came into our lives. It seems like yesterday.

Is it too early to say I want time to slow down?

I'm happy to report that you are on track. Your height and weight are on the charts where they should be. You're hitting the usual milestones, which came as no surprise to me. You are my son after all.

A joke. I'm a little more humble than that. I think you're on track because of your Mama, but she’ll argue and say it’s because of both of us. Either way, the pediatrician didn’t look at all surprised that you were doing well. The receptionist and nurses also fawned over how adorable you are.

Again, you got that from your Mama, even if she says again that you got it from both of us.

Bucky stole a glance at the monitor where you continued to rock Jamie in the chair. He had to smile at the sight. You weren’t quite asleep, but were dangerously close. He’d have to finish up his entry quickly so he could get you to bed.

I’ll be honest. I wasn’t sure about the pediatrician at first. I think he directed most of your questions to your mom since I kept glaring at him. I couldn’t help myself. We did a lot of research to make sure you’d get the best care possible. Even though he’s highly recommended and probably one of the nicest men I’ve ever met in my life, you’re my son and it’s hard to hand you over to someone else to care for you.

Except for your Mama. She is always the exception to the rule.

Bucky let out a breath, gripping the pen a bit tighter.

I knew going into the appointment today that you would have to get a couple of shots. Needles don’t exactly scare me and I knew it was for your own good, but I never hated them until today. I must’ve given the nurse a dirty look, too, because she avoided looking at me and asked your mom to hold you still so she could administer the shots. In fact, I know I glared because your mom elbowed my side and whispered, “Stop that. They’re helping our son.”

You’ll learn later in life that your mom is always right.

I still did my best to stay calm and distract you by making a funny face. I didn't want you to sense that I was worried, but I was because I knew you’d be in pain. And even though the pain would only last for a second, I knew I was powerless to stop it.

At that moment, I was helpless.

He swallowed as he recalled the piercing scream Jamie let out when the needle pricked his thigh. It twisted his gut so painfully that he feared he’d get sick and he had to refrain from taking him away from the nurse. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to the shots or cries with any of the upcoming appointments.

It should come as no surprise that your mom continued to be a pillar of calm and strength as the nurse gave you two shots and applied your band aids. Whereas I was like a wave crashing against the shores in my mind, she was the rock that braved the storm and didn’t budge. She told you how big and strong you were, like me, when she picked you up and your cries eventually stopped as she held you against her chest.

I wonder if it was her voice that calmed you down. It could’ve been her smell. She does smell good. Maybe her touch. Her heartbeat. Probably everything.

We both love her so much.

Bucky wondered if the shots bothered you more than let on. Maybe that was why you were so keen to hold him even though you needed sleep. Maybe you needed the comfort as much as your son did.

As I watched her hold you, it took me a moment to breathe again so I could try and provide some sort of comfort to you. As your father, I want to protect you from the pain of the world. But pain is the body’s warning system to protect us from harm and sometimes inevitable. Today reminded me that I won’t always be able to protect you from it and that I can’t let my negative emotions or fear get in the way of helping you after. It’s another reason why I admire your mother.

She validated your pain, but stayed strong for you because you needed that. It’s something that I’m still learning. It doesn’t make me any less of a good dad because of that. There’s no manual for dealing with these emotions. We just have to figure out how to weather the storm.

Because we’re strong apart, but even stronger together.

“Bucky?” You asked, your voice gently ringing out through the monitor. “It’s your turn.”

He smiled before jotting one more thing down.

And if you’re ever hurting or just need a helping hand, I’ll be there.

Until next time, I love you.

Always,

Dad

Bucky didn’t hesitate to go to the nursery once he finished up to take his son from your arms, a look of understanding passing between the two of you. Parenting was an emotional rollercoaster full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Being a father was one of the hardest jobs he’d ever had, but it was also the most rewarding. He still didn’t really know what he was doing, but he was trying and didn’t have to go through it alone.

And as Jamie leaned into him with you resting close by, that was the best reward he could ask for today.

Bucky is doing a wonderful job. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

I seriously love the post you made about insomnia!s/o! Could you do the same prompt but with Ayaka, Edelgard (3H), Laura (cold steel), and Shenhe?

Hugging their S/O to sleep

Genshin Impact: Ayaka, Clorinde, Arlecchino, Shenhe FE3H: Edelgard, Dorothea, Constance ToCS: Laura, Towa, Elliot

First post in question

Man, I really need to start writing for the other fandoms again on this blog.

Ayaka must have been lucky, the only way to stave off S/O's habit of not sleeping was to be cuddled close into them.

Ayaka has zero issue in helping her S/O sleep, especially in such an intimate manner.

Though her face is flushing red, she still can't help but let her smile go ear to ear, hugging S/O close.

She nuzzles her head underneath their chin, listening to their heartbeat and not wanting to miss a single beat.

(Ayaka) "Good night, my love.~"

Clorinde can't help but hesitate whenever S/O gives her a hug, being unused to such intimacy.

But it doesn't take long for her to enjoy the feeling of their warmth, though her hands are usually gently caressing theirs instead of any grandiose display of affection.

And when she learned that S/O slept better when she held them, Clorinde decided that her embarrassment was a small price to pay for her love.

Making sure to not smother them they were comfortable, she lets their head rest on her chest as she sighs in content.

(Clorinde) "Sleep well, S/O. And...should you need me to move, please let me know."

Arlecchino usually had no trouble sleeping herself, but S/O did.

At first she was half tempted to wish them luck in falling asleep and leaving them be, but she wasn't that cruel.

Usually.

She can't always be home for S/O to hold them, but she indulges them whenever she is, still unused to this kind of intimacy from...well, anyone.

Her grip is tight, as her blackened fingers ruffle the back of their head, holding them close to her.

(Arlecchino) "I cannot guarantee that your dreams will be entirely pleasant near me but...I wish you a good night regardless, S/O."

Shenhe nearly crushes S/O's ribcage when she learned that they slept better with her nearby.

The tighter she hugged, meant the better they slept, right?

She lets go and makes sure she didn't cut off their blood circulation and nods to herself.

Shenhe still holds S/O tight, but makes sure they could at least breathe. This was something she both enjoyed and had zero issue in helping.

(Shenhe) "Let me know immediately if you need to breathe."

Edelgard's hugging strength is pretty damn strong anyways, but especially at night.

The nightmares still haunt her even so many years later, and even as Emperor.

Yet, when S/O was so close, the nightmares ceased.

At least in private, Edelgard doesn't hesitate to hug S/O tightly, breathing easy.

For now, she could just enjoy this moment and not have to think about her duties. Just her lover.

(Edelgard) "...Thank you, S/O."

Dorothea is openly affectionate with everything, including hugs.

And it absolutely warmed her heart to know that even that simple act could make S/O sleep with ease.

Zero hesitation and worry, Dorothea gladly takes S/O into her arms as she lays down on the bed, humming a tune to herself in a psuedo-lullaby.

Though, she expects the same to be done for her. If she pampered S/O like this, then it's only right they did the same for their darling singer.

(Dorothea) "Good night, my dear.~"

Constance scoffs at any notion of such affection displayed so easily!

She absolutely was not embarrassed that S/O felt comfortable by her hugs, dispel that thought!

After all, such effects were only natural when receiving it from a Nuvelle!

Pompousness aside, the blush that creeps onto her cheeks are always burning bright whenever S/O falls asleep thanks to her hold, making her mutter something under her breath.

(Constance) "...I hope I'm at least comfortable for you, S/O...N-NOTHING! I SAID NOTHING! RETURN TO SLUMBER!"

Laura is always at risk of snapping S/O like a toothpick with her hugs, but luckily she knows how to control her strength.

It makes her heart skip a beat whenever S/O got close to her in general, but doubly so when they shared a bed.

And whenever she hugged them, it never failed to make her smile to see how quickly they fall asleep thanks to her.

Especially with how tightly she was being hugged as well.

(Laura) "Hm, sweet dreams, S/O."

Towa pouts for a moment since she was supposed to be the one providing the hugs, yet here she was, completely engulfed by S/O's arms.

She's hugging them as tightly as she can, yet she felt like it was nothing compared to S/O's own vice grip.

With her head barely coming up to their chest, she pouts to herself in the darkness.

(Towa) sigh "I feel like a teddy bear right now..."

Elliot is a little nervous sharing a bed with his S/O, especially knowing they struggled to sleep easily.

But it quickly fades when he notices that his presence helps them fall asleep, doubly so when he hugs them.

His cheeks warm up but he can't help but let out a soft chuckle and hugs them with his hesitation quickly rocketing away.

Making sure his hair wasn't getting into their face, Elliot holds S/O's waist closer to him, resting his head against theirs.

(Elliot) "You're really cute, S/O..."

[peachsayshi]

Hi, Peach! Hope you're doing well! After releasing JJK S2 I can't stop thinking about soft and gentle Suguru. I literally drown in love for him. My precious man😢 If you have the time and desire, could you write one, please?

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ minors / ageless / blank blogs (dni)

notes: I hope you enjoy this, nonnie! it's just a soft, domestic drabble with suguru <3 I apologize that it's taken me so long to get back to you, but I hope you enjoy this anyway! x wc: 727

tags: I wrote this in mind when suguru left jujutsu tech; it's fluffy and intimate, only slightly smutty in the end; size kink (ish?)

suguru traces his scarred knuckles down your spine; your damp, bare back a shimmering canvas of silk. you sigh dreamily, holding your knees tightly into your chest, softly inhaling the calming aroma of ylang ylang and salt as it wafts up in the steam from the tub.

the corner of suguru's mouth ticks into a grin.

you're perched between his legs. the two of you content in the silence surrounding you. suguru's hand treks upward from your tailbone, softly traveling along the column until his strong, but slender digits circle around the back of your neck. he runs his thumb over the impressions of his love, of the marks littered all over your neck.

you're here with me. he thinks with gratitude.

he arches forward, pressing a tender kiss to your shoulder. his other arm curling around your body as he swallows you into his broad chest.

"do you realize you are my world?" he whispers gently into your ear, his ethereal voice making you tremble, prompting ripples to form across the bath water.

you know it's true. it's undeniable , in fact. that's why you are here in this very tub with him right now. that's why he makes love to you like never before nowadays.

because despite everything that happened, your presence only proves just how deep the roots of your love for each other goes.

it's tangled up around your very hearts, around your very souls.

you unravel and suguru releases his arm to give your limbs the space to extend out. you spin around, waves forming and sloshing over the bath tub as you nestle into his arms. you're now facing him, your hands placed gently on his broad shoulders with his own resting just slightly above your hips.

"you're my everything," you respond, the timbre of your voice laced with only devotion.

"And you still love me..." he exhales timidly, not as an inquiry but a general statement. the front of his brows pinch with discomfort but he clears it away with his throat.

you wrap your arms around his neck to mold your body into his frame. chest to chest, heart to heart, limbs intertwined like the roots of your love. you kiss his forehead, the tip of his nose, and the right side of his cheek and your lover closes his eyes with content as he boldly receives your affection.

"suguru," you mumble against his lips, brushing over his mouth to ask for another kiss. he instantly obliges and parts them, because he's the only one who understands the language that your body speaks.

this kiss is warm, and romantic. suguru's tongue a delicate dancer and his soft lips a heavenly gift against yours. a hushed moan leaves him, the water ebbs and flows as he maneuvers himself to slot his leg between yours.

a game of slip and slide.

you squeeze your thighs tightly around his, the roll of your hips makes the heat envelope you, and your mind starts to spin. you release yourself from the kiss, panting slightly against his jawline.

"take me," you beg sweetly, so perfectly that suguru can feel himself twitch. "make love to me"

you gasp when his fingers pinch at your taut nipples, and swallow a cry just when he finds your lips once more.

"say that again..." he murmurs, using his strength to lift you up and align his tip against your entrance.

"m-make love to me..." you whimper as he draws you down his length, stretching you superbly that your eyes roll to the back of your head.

he chuckles with amusement, his face dropping to the side of your neck with his heavy breath fanning over the marks, and sending goosebumps to form all over your upper body.

"again..." he says with conviction, like he can't get enough of those words slipping from your pretty lips. his tongue rolls over the imprints, and he catches a hickey between his teeth and nips you playfully.

"make...love to-ah!" you squeak when he thrusts his hips upwards, squeezing your arms around his neck tightly to hold on. suguru is lost in a trace, his hands gripping your ass as he steadily works you up and down his shaft.

the water pours over the tub in a surge, streams over the ceramic and loudly claps against the bathroom tiles in thunderous drops.

{requests are closed}

[willalove75]

The Estate | Lady Dimitrescu x Fem!oc

WHAT DAY IS IT?! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY?! WOOHOO!!! I hope you all join me as I enter the final year of my 20s! And since one of my love languages is gift-giving, I am giving you all a present today! I debated on releasing this earlier this summer but I wanted to get a few chapters done before I did - and get a little further into Alcina's New Maid before I started putting out chapters. But ANM will still be updated weekly! Fear not! (And I know chapter 16 is late, I didn't get to finish it yesterday so I will finish it either today or tomorrow I promise!) Ideally, I would love to update this fic weekly as well but I just don't know if that is realistic so I am aiming for a bi-weekly or monthly update for this. Might be a little more frequently, might not. So I apologize in advance for irregular updates for this until I can get myself on a reasonable writing schedule! I do have a couple of chapters done already but I want to try and have a few chapters lined up as they're released. Unlike ANM where I literally brain-dump each chapter each week (usually done in a single day) and post it after I read it over a couple of times. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this fic since it's been rotting my brain for MONTHS and I literally have not been able to stop thinking about it and coming up with ideas/expanding on my ideas literally every fucking day for the last like, 4 months? LOL

Summary: It's been a tough few years for you. After a tragedy that left you to raise your three year old, Emma, as a single parent, you're finally starting to get back on your feet. Recently hired as a marketing & social media strategist for Dimitrescu Estate, a new chapter of your life is just beginning.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI

Tags: Slow burn, fluff, angst, smut, flirty

I'll add more tags as needed!

Notes: I know I have so many other requests I should be doing but once again my mind has been plagued by this story I came up with and I need to get it out of my headddd.

Also, this is a blended oc/reader fic. Using "you" has become so engrained into my writing it's almost impossible to not add it (as opposed to writing she/her), but I will be giving the oc a name and describing her! Ik that's not everyone's cup of tea so I apologize in advance but I hope you enjoy it regardless! It'll be written in a similar fashion as Safety and Dimitrescu Books for those of you who are wondering what that will be like and/or read those (fucking amazing and wonderful) fics!

You take in the beautiful field around you, the crystal blue sky, the tall grass blowing in the breeze. Even though you have no idea where you are, it's warm and you have a fullness in your heart you haven't felt in a long time. In the distance you spot a familiar figure.

"It can't be-" you begin to say.

The figure continues to walk in your direction, but doesn't seem to get any closer. You begin to take a few steps forward, your legs feel like lead, slowing your movements. You try to run but you can't - desperate to get closer to the figure. You try and cry out to them but there's no sound when you scream. Using all of your power to move forward, each step becomes more difficult than the last. The figure walking towards you stops and stands still. With tears in your eyes you try and cry out again, and just like last time, there's no sound. The figure begins to move forward again. This time it finally seems like it's coming closer. Their face covered by shadow. You take step after step, using all of your strength to make your way to the figure. You're almost close enough to make out their face as tears stain your cheeks.

You're jolted awake by your alarm clock. Groaning, you reach over to the nightstand to shut it off. Looking down at your pillow you see teardrops scattered across it. Wiping your eyes you realize you were crying in your sleep again. You look up at the clock. 6am. You put your head back down and turn to the other side, reaching your arm across the empty side of the bed. Gently grabbing the pillow next to you, you take a deep, grounding breath and finally get up.

You exit your room and quietly open the other bedroom door. Inside is your three year old daughter, Emma, fast asleep in her toddler bed. Closing the door you make your way into the bathroom and turn the shower on. Pulling your hair out of it's messy ponytail you begin to undresses. Catching a glance of yourself in the mirror, the darkness hides most of what you see. Unless Emma is with you, every shower you've taken for the last two years has been in the dark. You had grown tired of looking into the mirror and seeing the dark circles under your eyes, noticing that you had lost weight - just looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing a shell of your former self. Even though you feel like you've been able to reclaim a lot of yourself in the last year, you always have a feeling of emptiness looming in your chest.

After showering you check the baby monitor, noticing Emma is beginning to stir, you quickly get dressed and walk into the bedroom. You make you way over to the toddler bed and sit on the edge, running your fingers through the little girls wild curls.

"Good morning my love." You quietly say.

The little girl turns her head and looks up at you, a sleepy smile crosses her face.

"Good morning mommy." She says with a yawn.

"Come on baby, lets get you up." You say, reaching down to pick up the girl, who sits up and reaches for you.

Lifting Emma out of the bed, she cuddles into your neck. You hold the back of her head and take a deep breath in, the empty ache in your chest eases some. After entering the kitchen you put the girl in her booster seat at the table and begin making breakfast for the both of you.

After breakfast you clean up the kitchen and get Emma dressed and put her in the playpen in the living room with her toys while you finish getting yourself ready.

You finish packing up the diaper bag and throwing a few of Emma's toys into another bag. After grabbing the rest of your own things you take Emma out of the playpen and head downstairs.

"Good morning Margie." You say.

"Oh Katie! Good morning!"

A small, elderly woman gets up from the kitchen table and walks up to the two of you.

"Good morning Margie!" Emma says.

"And good morning to you too princess." She says, squeezing the baby's chubby cheeks. "You want coffee hon?"

"No thanks, I'll grab something on my way, I don't want to be late."

"Oh right! Today's the first day of that new job, how are you feeling?"

"I'm excited, I'm looking forward to working in my field again."

"That's great but you know that's not what I meant." She says flatly. "How are you feeling?"

Knowing what she means you look down for a moment and then back up at Margie.

"I'm okay, I'm hanging in there." Margie gives you a look. "I mean, barely, but I'm hanging in there. I'm terrified to leave her." You say looking at Emma as your eyes begin to gloss over. "But I know it's what I have to do, and I really do miss working, I need some sort of normalcy back in my life."

Margie brings her hand to your face and wipes away the stray tear that fell.

"You're gonna do great kid. Knock 'em dead." She says with a smile and pats Katie's cheek.

"Thanks Marge."

With Emma and your things in tow you head to the car, putting Emma in her car seat and dropping your bags in the front passenger seat. When you pull out of the driveway you beep and wave at Marge who's waving from the front door and head off.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Emma says.

"Yes baby, what is it?"

"I want Baby Shark!"

You groan a little, it's just barely 8am and you haven't had coffee, Baby Shark may actually make you snap right now.

"Mommy pleaseeeee!" Emma whines.

"Okay fine."

Her whining is so much worse than Baby Shark, so you oblige. The music starts and Emma starts laughing and clapping her hands and sings along. You do your best to drown it out with your thoughts.

"Mommy! Sing Mommy shark!"

Looking at the girl through the rearview mirror you smile.

"Okay, okay." You say. "Mommy shark do do do do do do, Mommy shark do do do do do do Mommy shark!"

Emma squeals with happiness, you can listen to her laugh all day. It's one of the few things that's been able to get you through the last couple of years.

Pulling up to your in-laws house, you grab the diaper bag, Emma's toys and Emma and head to the front door.

"Nana!!!" Emma squeals when your mother-in-law opens the door.

"Good morning my baby!" She says as she picks Emma up and squeezes her. "Good morning Katie." She hugs you and kisses you on the cheek.

"Morning mom." You say and hug her back. "Thank you so much for watching her, really."

"Of course, I'd do anything for my grandbaby!" She says putting Emma down so she can go play. "Come in, sit."

"I can only stay for a minute, I gotta grab coffee on my way."

"Oh nonsense, I'll make you some and send you with one of our travel mugs, don't waste your money."

Her kindness makes you smile. Not only does your mother-in-law make the best coffee you've ever had, her warmth is always something that's comforted you. After you take a seat at the kitchen table you hear footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Who's in my house?!" You hear a voice playfully yell.

Emma's squealing laugh rings through the house as you hear footsteps walk towards the direction she ran off in. Your mother-in-law puts a cup of coffee down in front of you and the smell is to die for.

"Thanks mom." You say with a smile.

"Good morning sunshine!" Looking over you see your father-in-law with Emma in his arms.

"Morning dad." You say as he kisses you on the cheek.

"Oh coffee? Michelle can you make me a cup?" He asks, looking over at his wife.

"Of course."

"So Katie, you excited for your first day at the new job?" He asks.

"I am, a little nervous, but I'm excited to start working again."

"Yeah it's about time." He says playfully.

"Richard." Michelle hisses as she puts his coffee down in front of him.

"I'm only joking!"

Michelle rolls her eyes at him and sits down at the table. "So which vineyard are you working at again?"

"Dimitrescu Estate."

"Oh right, I've been there a few times, it's a nice place. Very pretty, and they have great wine." She says.

"What are you doing there?" Richard asks.

"Marketing and social media, pretty much the same thing I did at the last place."

"That's right."

Looking down at your watch you realize the time.

"Crap I have to go or I'm gonna be late." You say, getting up.

Michelle gets up, grabs your coffee cup and pours it into a travel mug, pops the top onto it and hands it to you.

"There you go sweetheart."

"Thanks mom." You say, hugging her.

"Okay love, mommy has to go, have fun with Nana and Pop!" You place a kiss on Emma's head and the baby's face scrunches, signaling she's about to wail.

"Hey Emma? Wanna go to the park with me?" Richard asks.

Her face lights up at the word "park", meltdown averted.

"YES!" She screams.

"Thank you." You whisper to Richard and kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you so much for looking after her." You say as you head towards the door.

"We'll take her any day of the week!" Richard says.

"Love you honey." Michelle says.

"Love you guys too!"

"Good luck!" Richard calls out after her.

Once you're out the door Michelle swats Richard with a dishtowel.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"'About time?' Really Richard?" She scolds him.

"What? I was kidding, she knows I was!"

Michelle rolls her eyes at him and leaves the kitchen.

You jump into your car and plug in the address of the vineyard. You had been there a few years ago when you went to the wineries with your friends; hopping to and from the various establishments in the area, but that was it. Your first interview was over the phone, the second one, a Zoom interview, you couldn't even see your new boss' face because her webcam was broken. All you were able to hear was the woman's voice. It had a silky tone - sultry, even - if you were being honest. Aside from that, you knew nothing about her, you really weren't even sure if the woman you spoke with was the owner or just an employee.

Pulling up to the vineyard you put your car in park. You pull your necklace out of your shirt and hold onto it, your fingers tracing the outline of the heart shape. After taking a deep breath and exhaling, you drop the necklace back down under your shirt. You grab your bags and head inside.

The memories of the time you and your friends were here come flooding back as you walk in. You admire the ornate style of the room - it's just as pretty as it was when you were here last. As you look around you spot a beautiful grand piano tucked away in the corner and you take note of the jazz music softly playing over the speakers.

"Sorry, we don't open until 11." A slightly aggravated voice says.

You look over and see a young girl cleaning the bar, looking at you, visibly annoyed. She can't be older than 20, dark brown, almost black hair. She's wearing a tight black t-shirt with various silver necklaces dangling from her neck.

"Oh, I'm Katie, the new marketing and social media strategist."

The girls demeanor softens, but not much.

"MOM!!" She yells towards the back. "MOM!!!"

A blond girl runs out from the kitchen area.

"Cassandra shut it, mom's on the phone!"

The dark haired girl, Cassandra, rolls her eyes.

"Can you take her to go see mom?" She asks the blond, nodding towards you.

"Nope, sorry, I have to go, I have class in a little bit."

"Bela pleaseeeee." Cassandra whines.

"No Cass, I'm leaving, bye!" The blond disappears into the kitchen again and Cassandra rolls her eyes.

"Follow me."

She leads you to the back of the winery where the offices are. There aren't many offices, but in each one there's someone diligently working.

Cassandra stops at the door furthest away and throws it open.

"Mom!"

The woman behind the desk snaps her attention up to her daughter with intensity in her eyes. Her phone pressed against her ear. She holds a finger up to Cassandra signaling for her to wait, but never breaks eye contact with her.

The woman is beautiful. Jet black hair with near perfect curls that fall just under her jawline. Gorgeous grey-blue eyes, full lips painted with the perfect shade of crimson red. She's wearing a white button down, the first few buttons undone - just enough to show off her large chest but covered up enough to still be professional. The sleeves are neatly rolled to her elbows, you also take note of her perfectly manicured nails, painted black. She's wearing layered, elegant gold necklaces that accentuate her neckline. She has a few rings and a matching bracelet on to pull the look together.

"Am nevoie de transport până săptămâna viitoare. . . Nu, abia așteaptă. . . Trebuie să plec. . . La revedere."

(I need the shipment by next week. . . No, it can't wait. . . I have to go. . . Goodbye.)

She places the phone into its cradle and her eyes snap back to Cassandra.

"What have I told you about yelling across the building?" Her voice is stern, matching the intensity in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I-"

"Were you dying?"

"What?"

Her question surprised and confused you too.

"Were you dying?"

"No?"

"Was one of your sisters dying or gravely injured?"

"No."

"Was there any emergency whatsoever?"

Cassandra sighs. "No."

"Then there is no reason for you to be screaming across my tasting room. Understood?"

"Yes mom." She says, hanging her head.

"Now what is it that you needed?" The woman's tone softens.

"The new girl is here. The social media whatever?"

The woman groans, putting her fingers to the bridge of her nose.

"Cassandra. You act like that in front of our new employee?" She grumbles. "Go, finish your morning tasks." She says, waving the girl off.

Cassandra lets out an exaggerated "UGH" accompanied by a dramatic eye roll and begins to walk away.

"Și dacă nu remediați această atitudine, vă voi trimite înapoi în România." She calls after her.

(And if you don't fix that attitude I will ship you back to Romania.)

"Sorry mom." Cassandra looks at her mom who raised eyebrow at her.

The woman nods her away.

"I apologize for that, she can be quite difficult sometimes." She says as her eyes follow her daughter while she walks away. When Cassandra is out of view her eyes snap to you.

"Oh, it's no worry at all." You say with a soft smile.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Please, take a seat." She gestures to the chair in front of her desk.

The woman reaches her hand out across her desk as you sit.

"Alcina Dimitrescu, owner and operator of Dimitrescu Estate."

Your hand meets hers for a firm handshake. "Katie Moore, it's great to finally meet you as well."

"Is Katie short for anything?" She asks.

"Uh, yeah, Kathleen." You say.

"Kathleen, what a beautiful name. Do you prefer Katie over Kathleen?"

"Oh it doesn't really matter to me. I'll respond to both."

"Wonderful. Well then Kathleen, welcome. We'll go over the job responsibilities. I'll have you fill out some paperwork and then I'll show you around the facility."

"Sounds good."

Alcina goes over what the job requirements are, what she expects of you, where the person who was in your position had left off, the usual.

"And you will get a company laptop, you can leave it here, take it home, doesn't matter much to me. As long as it's well taken care of." She picks up the phone and presses a few numbers on t he keypad and you hear the intercom go off.

"Cassandra, my office please." She hangs the phone up and looks back at you. "Cassandra has set up your laptop, if there's anything else you need, any programs you use that aren't installed, she can take care of that for you."

Cassandra walks into the office, seemingly in a better mood than earlier.

"What's up mom?"

"Can you please bring me Kathleen's laptop."

"On it." She says and walks away.

"Now for the paperwork. I'll have you fill out these and then I'll take down some of your information." She says as she hands you a W2 and some other new employee paperwork.

She hands you a pen and you begin to fill out the paperwork on her desk as she turns her attention back to her computer.

"Here you go mom." Cassandra says, handing her mom a laptop box.

"Thank you draga. Almost done with your morning tasks?"

"Yup, just gotta put out the spill trays and then I'm done."

"Excellent, thank you draga mea."

Cassandra leaves as you finish filling out the paperwork. You trade her the paperwork for the laptop box and place it on the chair next to you.

"Okay, now I just need some of your information."

She takes down your address, phone number, birthdate, etc.

"And who is your emergency contact? God forbid something were to happen."

"Uh, Jake-" You stop yourself, shaking your head as you feel your heart sink. "Sorry, uh," Alcina looks at you over her reading glasses. "It'll be my mom, I guess, Deborah Wilson."

Alcina takes down your moms information and places her glasses on her desk.

"Excellent, now that that's out of the way, I will show you the facility. You can leave your things here."

Alcina pushes her chair away from her desk and stands up, you're taken back at how tall she is. She's damn near 7 feet tall. Alcina is easily a foot taller than you. With your work heels you're 5'4" on a good day. In her heels, Alcina is easily 6'5"-6'6".

You take notice of Alcina's full outfit - and her body. Her black stilettos, high waisted, wide legged dress pants accentuate her long legs. A thick belt with a black belt buckle that frames her waist, showing off her round hips. Her ensemble is reminiscent of the 1940s-1950s, but with a modern twist. It's obvious she has a great sense of style.

Alcina walks effortlessly through the halls in her stilettos as she shows you around the facility. She tells you what each room is, what its purpose is for and tells you a little bit of history of the place. She explains that there are a few other buildings on the property where the grapes are sent to and where the wine is made and bottled, but that this is the main building. Alcina takes you through the kitchen and into the vineyard a bit to show the different grapes that are put into making the wine.

Next on the tour, she brings you down into the wine cellar. You were expecting a dreary basement, but you're surprised when you see a beautiful wine cellar. It looks like something out of a movie.

Wine racks line the walls from floor to ceiling, housing hundreds - maybe even a thousand - bottles of wine. The stone archway along with the wooden accents and shelves give the room a rustic yet elegant feel. There's a gorgeous wooden table in the center with four chairs. The set looks like it's custom made.

As you look around the room you see Alcina walk over to one of the racks. She moves a wine barrel to the side like it weighed nothing.

"Even if that thing is empty, it still has to weigh a ton." You think to yourself.

Alcina examines the rack and carefully pulls a bottle off of it.

"And this, this is what started it all." She says, handing you the bottle.

As you examine the bottle you note the beautiful gold and red details around it. It looks expensive. The label on the front reads:

"Sanguis Virginis."

"Precisely, Romanian for Maiden's Blood." Alcina says with a smile as she takes the bottle and returns it to its place.

You don't even realize the confused expression on your face until you hear Alcina chuckle at it.

"Obviously, not made with real blood. My ancestors originate from Romania, my great-grandfather it was I believe who first began making Sanguis Virginis, well over a hundred years ago at his vineyard in Romania. Eventually the business was passed down to me, however I decided to take it in a bit of a different direction. Since I was already established here in the US when I acquired the business, I purchased this property and turned it into what it is today. We've expanded our collection and now we make over 25 different wine. And I import other things such as ciders and beers from both Romania and local breweries for our customers to enjoy. No longer do we just make and sell the wine to distributers."

Alcina looks around the wine cellar with pride, you can see the passion for her family's business in her eyes.

"Any questions?"

"No, I think you covered everything. It's beautiful down here."

"Why thank you. The cellar is my personal favorite room on the entire property."

"I can see why, it's stunning."

You take in the rest of your surroundings. The warm wood absorbs the lighting, giving the room a soft yet bright glow. It's a large cellar but somehow it still feels cozy.

"Alright, lets head back upstairs, shall we? We should be opening in a few minutes and I like to do a once-over to make sure everything is in place." Alcina says.

"Sounds good."

Alcina leads you out of the wine cellar and back up to the tasting room. Cassandra and another bartender are behind the bar, drying glasses and putting them away. Alcina swipes her finger across the piano, inspects it, and nods in approval. You notice her glace at the piano again, looking at it with adoration.

"Do you play?" You ask.

"Lifetimes ago." She says with a smile. "But I wasn't very good."

"Mom what are you talking about?" Cassandra says from the bar. "You're one of the best piano players I've ever heard."

"Thank you draga." She says, smiling at her daughter.

After her inspection is complete she walks to the front doors and opens them, pulling the doorstop down with the bottom of her heel. She flips the "closed" sign over to "open" and makes her way to the massive floor to ceiling windows that line the wall across from the bar. She unlocks each window and pushes on the side of the frame to open them, making sure each window is open at the same angle.

"She's so anal retentive when she opens." Cassandra says, half complaining and half just saying it out loud.

"I can hear you." Alcina says from across the room.

Cassandra rolls her eyes and continues to put the glasses away.

Making her way over the the double glass doors leading to the outside patio, Alcina props them open allowing a cool summer breeze through the tasting room.

She gives the room another once-over. When she's satisfied she nods to herself again and looks at Cassandra.

"Everything looks wonderful. If you need me, you know where to find me. Kathleen," She says, turning to you. "lets finish getting you set up."

Alcina leads you back to her office. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and a sudden chill runs up your spine. Quickly taking it out, you see a text from Michelle. Your heart begins to race as you open the message. A sigh of relief is released when you realize it's just some photos of Emma, covered in flour, helping Michelle make cookies.

"Everything alright?" Alcina says.

Focused on opening the text message, you didn't even realize that you stopped following Alcina.

"Oh, yes, sorry." You say as you catch up with her. "Just my mother-in-law, she's watching my daughter today and was giving me an update."

"You have a daughter?" Alcina asks, a little surprised as they walk into her office.

"Yeah, Emma, she's about 3 and a half." You say, sitting back down.

Alcina glances down at your hands, taking notice of an absent wedding ring on your left ring finger. She also notices a ring that looks like it could be a wedding band on your right ring finger.

"How sweet. It's a fun age. Although from my experience with the girls, it's the terrible three's that are the hardest. Two was an easy age."

"I wholeheartedly agree with that. She's wonderful but likes to get herself into all kinds of things. Luckily, besides her insatiable curiosity for things that can hurt her, she's a really good kid."

Alcina laughs, pulling a smile across your face.

"Children are wonderful, until they become teenagers that is. That's when the real fun begins." She says sarcastically.

"Oh, I could only imagine. It makes me cringe as a parent now when I think of all of the things I said and did when I was a teenager."

"Oh, so you were a bad kid?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

A light blush creeps across your cheeks. "I wouldn't say I was a bad kid. At least I wasn't worse than your average teenager."

Alcina gives you a smirk, the corner of her lip curled into a half smile.

"Is she flirting with me?" The thought flashes across your mind but you quickly dismiss it. This is your new boss, Alcina's just being nice, it's your first day here. There's no way she's flirting with you right now.

"So, I will show you to your office and let you get yourself settled." Alcina says.

Grabbing your bag and the laptop box, Alcina leads you to the room closest to her office and flicks the lights on.

It's a modest little office, on the left you see an L shaped desk in the corner against the glass window facing the hallway. On top sits two monitors, a desk chair and a small desk lamp. To the right is a small empty bookshelf. The office isn't anything fancy, but it's yours, and you're surprisingly excited about it.

"Please feel free to decorate it how you see fit." Alcina says, checking her watch. "I have a meeting in a few minutes, but I'll stop by again this afternoon to check and see how things are going. Cassandra should have left you a list of our social media logins." She says, walking over to the desk and picking up a sheet of paper. "Here it is. Take a look at them and when I get back I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you think they're doing and of course, what could be improved." She says, handing you the paper. "You did mention on your resume photography skills, yes?"

"Yes, and some videography and video editing skills as well."

"Excellent. The channels were being run by my eldest, Bela. But since she's has an internship beginning soon she no longer has the time. And since our last marketing director left, things have been in a bit of a disarray. Hopefully it won't be too overwhelming." She says, trying to gauge your reaction.

"I'm always up for a good challenge." You say with a smile.

Alcina gives a nod of approval and spins around on her heel to leave.

"I must be off. I'll be back in a little while to check in, if there's anything you need please seek out Cassandra. If she's doing what she's supposed to, you'll find her behind the bar in the tasting room."

"Sounds good, thank you."

"And Kathleen," Alcina says, turning back towards you. "Welcome to Dimitrescu Estate."

[bunni-v1]

Hello! I hope you're doing well. Can I ask SFW Alphabet for Jade? Feel free to pick alphabets of your choosing as I wouldn't like to break your finger! Thanks in advance <3

🍓You are the only person who wanted sfw with Jade! It's so wild because he was the most requested but it was all nsfw. I wasn't aware of how popular Jade was in comparison to Floyd and Azul. I supposed that's my own personal bias lol.

A - Affection: Hmmm... Jade is an oddball. See, he is not nearly as outwardly affectionate as Floyd, in fact, he's pretty standoffish, so you'd expect him to not be all that affectionate. It's the opposite though. He's always showing you that he loves you in some way, just in his own way. He compliments you, hovers around you, and keeps a hand on your back when he can. The best way to tell, however, is the way he looks at you. It's just so soft and sweet and loving.

B - Best friend: Answered here

C - Cuddles: Jade does love cuddles! He doesn't have some special reason for it, he just likes them. He likes being close to you and this is the easiest way to do it. He likely won't cuddle you in public (who does that anyway?), but he's more than happy to cuddle you when it's just you two and a few people you know. He also uses it as an excuse to tickle you or to get himself out of work. If you refuse him he pouts at you until you give in. (He's worse than Floyd I s2g)

D - Domestic: Believe it or not, all Jade wants to do is settle down. He doesn't want a boring life or anything, but he wants a little domestic life with you. He enjoys housework, and he dreams of having his own little room for all his terrariums that he can care for after a long day of work. He'd love for both of you to come home after a long day of work and be able to see each other. Cook dinner together, dance together in the glow of the kitchen light, and do all that cutesy romantic shit together.

E - Ending: Jade is very factual about everything, and he knows how badly it hurts. He points out everything you did wrong. All the times you upset him, how he feels so unseen, how much you hurt his heart so many times. He knows that 90% of what he's saying is exaggerated, but he doesn't care. He lost interest, and he has no reason to stick around waiting for you to be fun again.

F - Fiance(e): Marriage isn't something he actively thinks about, but he does like the idea of it. It's just such a strong bond keeping two people together, quite poetic. Now, if Jade is proposing to you it's not for shits and giggles. Yes, he's a tease and an asshole, but he's not going to waste his time on a proposal to someone he doesn't actually see a future with.

G - Gentle: He's... uhm... something. He's not like, tossing you around and trying to hurt you, he just teases you a little too much. Like, yeah he's a very mean person and he knows what he says hurts, but he's not trying to hurt all the time. He likes to poke fun at you, and sometimes he can take it too far. He's a man though, he can suck it up and apologize when he messes up. Physically, however, he's pretty gentle. He doesn't forget his strength, so he's extra cautious when he's touching you. Sevens forbid he hurts his love.

H - Hugs: Like I said, he likes being close to you, so he loves hugs. He's not hanging off you all the time like Floyd, but he's not nearly as flaky about it as Azul. He hugs you when he gets the urge to, that's it. His favorite thing to do is to creep up behind you and wrap you into a big warm back hug.

I - I love you: Jade is pretty calculated about everything he does, he thinks about everything that happens so he can remain in control. With saying I love you, that's a big commitment, and he has to think it through. He wants to be sure he actually does love you, and he isn't pulling both of you into a mess for later. He ends up dropping it one day, seemingly out of nowhere, when you're helping him take care of his terrariums. He turns to look at you, smiles, and just says it. It's cute and unexpected from Jade. For him, he'd been meaning to tell you this whole time, it's just now he was able to get it out.

J - Jealousy: Answered here

K - Kisses: Jade kisses you a lot more than you'd expect. He's not all over you like Floyd is, but he does love sneaking a kiss or two where he can. He does these little drive-by cheek kisses that always leave you and whoever you're talking to flustered. Sometimes, if he's in a mood, he'll full stop, grab your face and kiss you, then walk away like nothing happened.

L - Little ones: Jade adores kids. They are just the most interesting, odd little creatures on earth. They have no filter, they speak their mind, and they're very cute. He wants at least one kid, just to raise them up and experience raising one as his own. A second would be nice, so the first doesn't get lonely. He just likes the idea of hanging out with a kid and being able to watch them grow with his help.

M - Morning: Jade wakes up early, not to really do much of anything, he just naturally wakes up early. He spends most of that time just watching you rest. You always wake up to him smiling at you, playing with your hair, and just being a sweetheart. You get ready side by side, and he continues to watch you as you get dressed and ready for the day.

N - Night: Jade likes to go to bed at a reasonable time. A lot of nights with him are particularly relaxing. He makes both of you tea as you settle and get ready for bed. Then, you snuggle up to each other and read or talk until the two of you are ready to fall asleep in each other's arms.

O - Open: Jade isn't particularly closed off, but he's not an open book. It takes him a little while to be sure he wants to open up, and when he does decide he's ready he starts dropping little things. He lets you figure things out for yourself, and if you ask questions he answers, but it's slow. You get to know each other over a long period of time, but it's pretty eye-opening for why he acts the way he acts.

P - Patience: I feel it's hard to get Jade to the point of anger. He's a pretty relaxed person all things considered, and he takes most bad things that happen as a chip off the shoulder. However, if you wanna piss him off, mess with his terrariums. He works so hard on those, they are his things, and if you mess them up on purpose... you're gonna be in a world of hell.

Q - Quizzes: Jade is the kind of person who memorizes everything there is to know about their partner but acts like he doesn't. Like you can bring something up that you mentioned and he acts all confused and surprised, only to later reveal that he'd known all along and had been planning a fun little surprise for the both of you. He does that a lot on anniversaries, and he always manages to surprise you.

R - Remember: It's probably your first anniversary together. He plays his little forgetting game, and you spend the whole day pouting and upset trying to get him to notice. You almost give up on having a cute date when he invites you to the Monstro Lounge. When you walk in, the place has been set up for a two-person date for both of you. All your favorite foods and sweets laid out on the table for you to enjoy, and enough space for you two to sway to the music. The look of delight and surprise on your face was enough to make Jade's heart race.

S - Security: Jade is about as protective as you'd expect. That is, very protective. He doesn't have to worry most of the time, because who in their right mind gets on the Octanivelle trio's bad side, but he always has his eye out for someone who wants to cause you trouble. If someone does, they better start believing there's an afterlife, cause they're about to get really close to seeing it.

T - Try: He puts a lot of effort into anything he does for you, it's just rarely obvious that he does. He isn't a showy person until he wants to be. He plans everything out very well, and he always manages to outdo himself every single time. He doesn't spend tons of money, but he spends a lot of time and effort into making things just right for the both of you.

U - Ugly: He stares. A lot. It's usually flattering and he's looking at you so gently and with so much love. Sometimes, though, he's quite creepy. He just sits there and watches you without really blinking or doing much of anything else.

V - Vanity: He isn't too concerned. He ensures that he's nice and straightened out; he ensures that he's clean and looks good, but he doesn't care that much. All of that is just for appearances, he doesn't actually care about what others think about him, he just wants to appear that way.

W - Whole: I don't think he would feel incomplete without you. He misses you, sure, but he is his own person and you are yours. You and he have lives away from each other, and in the end, you're loyal to each other so there's no reason to feel incomplete.

X - Xtra:  This isn't revolutionary or anything, but I think Jade just generally likes to garden. He specifically like cultivating mushrooms, but he loves to just garden. There's something so peaceful about it. When he owns his own home, he will have a very large flourishing garden.

Y - Yuck: He doesn't like people who aren't interested in him in the same way he's interested in him. If he wants to get to know you, but you have no interest in his hobbies and the things he does, he doesn't want a relationship.

Z - Zzz: Jade is another person who sleeps like a corpse. He's so stiff, but you can move him around to get comfortable this time. He lays flat on his back, arms crossed over his body, and he breathes very quiet. It's very disturbing to look at lol.

[changbinsboobs]

Hey, love your readings ! They have been so fun to read and so informative!! I was wondering if you could do one on what all of the dorm pairing think of each other? (e.g. what does chan think of IN and vice versa etc.)

I feel like living with somebody 1 on 1 can really change your opinion of someone lol (speaking from personal experience)

Anyway, thank you so much for your readings. I have really been enjoying them 💙

Thank you, u warm my heart💗🥰

I find the topic very interesting myself :) Enjoy💗

*For entertainment purposes only!

Skz dorm pairings' opinion on each other

Chan - Ace of Cups

Thinks of in that he's lovely and is a very giving and nurturing person. He thinks he's even cuter "up close".

I.N - 6 of Pentacles

Thinks of chan a bit of a "father figure" now that they are more close and personal. Not in a literal sense but rather chan's very...mhhh, provider-like. He thinks he has such qualities now even more than before.

Lee Know + Han - 3 of Swords, 7 of Swords

For those two sadly i got really bad cards, i think they might've recently had a fight or something. Lee know feels heartbroken and hurt by something han has done or the way han is. And Han on the other side feels plagued by guilt! I think he's unsure of something and his confusion is causing chaos around him, since decision made from an unstable state place - reap unstable outcomes. I think he feels really bad and wants to fix things and do better but he doesn't know how. Especially since he's trying to escape the pressure of those awful things he's feeling.

Changbin - 4 of Cups

I think he's kinda unsure how he feels about hyunjin after moving in with him. I think he has seen sides of him he hasn't seen that up close before and is now seeing him from a different light, thats causing him to evaluate his opinion on him. And also maybe his actions and behavior towards him in the future.

Hyunjin - Strength

Mh im not seeing so much of what hyunjin THINKS of changbin but rather how he feels. And im seeing he feels that Changbin is infuriating. Im pucking up on an agressive "tantrum" and idk who thats comming from. Theres a few possibilities.

1. Hyunjin wants to burst out and scream at changbin

2. Hyunjin gets so infuriated by changbin that he has burst out a few times and let his nerves take the best of him.

3. Changbin has burst out a few times whenever he gets stressed and gave hyunjin a tantrum over "nothing".

4. Or Changbin has been annoyed a few times either from stress or by hyunjin and hyunjin took that personally and got infuriated/triggered cuz he thought changbins having a tantrum at him over nothing, even if he didn't actually have a tantrum, but hyunjin just felt attacked.

All if those are possibilities and i hope maybe in a future reading we'll find out which one's the actual case.

Felix - The Sun

He thinks only good of seungmin and is enjoying his time and co-life with him very much!

Seungmin - 5 of Cups, King of Swords

I think he's not that happy with the living situation. Maybe not necessarily because of Felix, but rather he just wants a different living situation overall. I think he would much rather prefer living by himself and i believe he was hoping for an opportunity like that but either the team decided regardless, or the company decided for him - one way or the other, he feels like he lost an opportunity for a nice living situation and has to put up with the current conditions wether he likes it or not. I don't think he pays felix any mind as he's focus on the matter is elsewhere.

[deathbxnny]

Hello!! I'm the one who requested the older brother of the traveler and my scenario is how the male reader and the hsr character meet

The male reader is traveling world to world to find their siblings then they go to there world and they meet there the reader stay there for months then his about to leave but the hsr character stop them and the hsr character confess there felling and the reader accept the confession but they got a long distance relationships and the reader only go back to hsr character when something happens or special events happened and they kinda have an on and off relationship and that's all

-----♡

A/N: Hello, thank you for giving me a more specific scenario, it was very helpful! I hope you'll like this!<33

Featured characters: Jing Yuan, Blade, Luocha, Gepard

Content: Some angst, established relationship, hurt/comfort, long distance, sfw

Reader is asked to be male, but pronouns aren't really mentioned!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Luocha

You and Luocha came to an agreement, when you first met eachother. You'd both travel to the Luofu together and have eachothers back, before finishing your jobs and parting ways. It was simple and safe, a good way to keep companionship during your respective assignments. He had to deliver a coffin and you were tracing a lead to find your lost siblings.

But that strictly professional agreement started unravelling, the more time you spent with eachother. You had things in common, your conversations were deep and comforting. You seemed to understand eachother in many different ways and were practically inseparable by the time you arrived at your final destination. You didn't think that the goodbye would be this hard and neither did Luocha, who had bluntly told you about his feelings.

A relationship would be hard and practically impossible, with how many world you had to go through. You didn't want to give up your siblings for anything in the world. Not even for the man you've grown to love. And Luocha understood this, accepting any relationship you wanted, as long as he could have a part of you just for him. He didn't care if you were with him or galaxies away, knowing that your heart belonged to him, was more than enough.

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan was the one to allow you to stay, when you first arrived on the Luofu and asked to look around for your siblings. He was intrigued by your story and sympathised with it, as he tried helping you out with the resources he had. You spent alot of time together during those months of searching, until eventually, you were ready to move onto another world.

Jing Yuan didn't realise how hard this would hit him. It shook him to the core, when you first announced it to him and made him realise the feelings he had grown for you. He was however strategic and methodical even in his confession for you. It made you hesitate for even a moment and that made it worth it in Jing Yuan's glinting eyes. You still left, but as his dear lover. He had all the time in the world to wait for your return anyways.

He always made a huge celebration for you, whenever you came back to him after many months away. He'd hold you close, not once letting you go, until you had to leave again. He was patient, confident that one day you'd return to stay permanently, with your siblings in tow.

-----♡

》Blade

You had agreed to stay with the Stellaron Hunters for a while, so that you could get more information on your siblings faster. You and Blade respected eachother for your strength on the battlefield and were often assigned on missions together. It forced you to spend time with eachother and eventually made you develop a deep trust, that you both quietly accepted. He had your back and you had his.

He knew that you'd have to leave eventually. It was a part of your contract after all and a given, considering your goals. And he wasn't used to the warm feelings in his heart. He wasn't used to love or affection. But he had become so used to you, that he'd be damned if you left him. His confession was silent, a single grab at your wrist before you turned away. You looked back at him, understanding him instantly.

Your relationship was undefined and made no sense to anyone, except to you two. You returned to him every now and then, always relishing in eachothers company, before you had to leave him again.

-----♡

》Gepard Landau

Gepard saw it as his duty to help you find your siblings. He showed you around, asked the supreme guardian for help and even took it upon himself to look out for them during his shift. It was a way to also return the favour, after you saved him from an ambush. You spent everyday together, when you eventually started joining him on his shifts. Gepard felt like he could be open and honest with you, something he appreciated greatly. So much so, that it was easy for him to fall for you.

He tried to ignore how much it did rip his heart out, once you decided that it was time to go at first. He didn't think it was right for him to confess, especially when you had such important goals in mind. He'd be perfectly fine with being just a friend and waiting for your return every day for an eternity. Though he had to do no such things, as he accidentally blurted out his emotions anyways. And you thankfully accepted them.

He fully supported your endeavours and your quest to finding your siblings. He'd do the same for his after all. He'd patiently wait for your return, eager to meet your family one day. Then, you could maybe finally be together permanently, something he very much looked forward to.

-----♡

A/N: Alright, here it is! Thank you again for the request!<33

[lunetual]

♡ HAPPY BEOMGYU DAY ♡ to txt’s resident multifaceted moodmaker, who never fails to lift his members’ spirits and always makes sure to care for them in all the ways they need, i am wishing a birthday full of love, laughter, and as much relaxation as can be managed as they prepare for tour!

quick cc note: first of all. a formal apology to my beomgyutuals and also to beomgyu himself that his bday zine still sits like 60% finished on my external hard drive. i’m so sorry like i HAVEN’T forgotten it’s just like. i don’t want it to suck. u know how it goes!!! anyway !!! moving on....

there’s of course so many sides to beomgyu and so many things that we could spend time talking about. i love that he likes to and often does present such a bright image, and i love the way that he naturally lights up a room, especially when he’s with people he loves and trusts. and i equally love his gentle and quiet nature, and the way all of this combined and juxtaposed comes together to make up a one-of-a-kind beomgyu!!! i love how empathetic he is and how clearly he cares about the people around him. i think at his core he is a caretaker in the way that he is always looking out for his members, and how he will make sure they’re doing okay before he even thinks to think about himself. along these lines i how unfailingly kind he is and how he’s the sort of person that naturally lifts others up without even seeming to consciously realize he’s doing so. people gravitate to him, and it’s no wonder!

i think another incredible strength of beomgyu’s is his ability to acknowledge when he’s struggling. i really admire the way that he’s able to be open about the natural ups and downs one can go through, and i think he makes more of a difference than he knows by sharing his lower moments with his fans even though he has no obligation to whatsoever. it’s so brave of him. he’s really brave, the way he lays his heart bare and the way he shoulders the weight of being seen as the moodmaker of the group, and the way he squares his shoulders and keeps moving forward through the good times and the bad.

and the thing that really leaps out to me about beomgyu? honestly, i think it’s the way he lives and breathes music. all the tubatus love music and love performing, but i think for beomgyu it’s literally his lifeblood. i think music to him is something as integral to living as air. you can tell how sometimes a song he loves is so personal to him it almost hurts. you can tell that even if he wasn’t an idol, even if he wasn’t doing something involving performing, music would still be central in his life somehow. there’s something unadulterated and pure about the way he loves it.

to beomgyu, who often looks after others before looking after himself! i hope you give yourself the same grace you give to those around you, and that you allow yourself time to rest even when the world seems more hectic than ever. i hope you always love music and the stage as much as you do now, and that it continues to bring you joy even as the years continue to pass. i hope this trip around the sun is fruitful for you, that there are more good, warm days than there are bad, that as many opportunities to do whatever you want fall right within your grasp, ripe for the taking. i will always believe in you and will always be cheering you on. i hope you spend today and this year and all of those to come smiling as often as possible. ♡

[r0guedr0id]

Melting Point: Chapter III

A Sculptor Din Djarin x Art PhD Reader Series

Read Prologue | Chapter I | Chapter II

Chapter III: The Father/Yield Strength

Summary: It's your first day working for Din Djarin and you learn some personal things about him, but the highlight of the afternoon is seeing again the little boy!

Words: 3306

Warnings: In this chapter topics about war are discussed! It's brief but if that triggers you, take care! This is a slow burn, you've been warned!; a lot of talking about Art and PhD life; Reader is not Grogu's nanny but this is very Grogucentric if that makes sense; And Reader is Din's employee too; Very grumpy and antisocial Mando; Grogu is human but the only thing described are his eyes; Reader appearance is left blank; Age gap of 10-15 years; Fluff fluff fluff

A/N: Happy New Year y'all! Wow, holidays are exhausting and I just wanted to isolate and write, so I'm glad to have this out finally. I'm so thankful for your comments and notes, they made the world to me! Even though I don't answer, (it's in my New Year's resolutions to overcome that anxiety) I read you and my heart warms up! Anyway, hope you enjoy ol' gruff Mando, I promise he's warming up the next chapter, but I love to stay truthful to the character and write him rough around the edges. Tell me what you think!

In the end, you could have saved yourself the embarrassment of asking for his name, because it was all over the work contract he emailed you the next morning. After the realisation that you knew each other from the opening, you had asked briefly about his son and left awkwardly. Why he hadn’t said anything was a mystery to you, although you suspected that he, indeed, didn’t like you. But it didn’t make sense that he hired someone he didn’t like. You sighed, realizing you were overthinking again.

Still not able to recover from the fact that your new boss was also the attractive dad you had met at the art exhibition, you walked through the faculty to meet Professor Armorer again. She didn't greet you this time, concentrated on a piece she was hammering. You waited by the forge, mesmerized by the sheer force she possessed and the hypnotizing colours of red hot beskar. It was a beautiful spectacle. Finally, she was satisfied with the piece, she introduced it in cold water, provoking smoke to form.

"You've met him." She said after the prolonged silence, the visor of her mask fixated on you now while she discarded her plier. You nodded, growing every day more accustomed to the economic use of the language of both your professor and your boss.

"He definitely needed help." You commented, picturing the hell of a table where he had his documents piling.

"I think you'll be able to learn a lot from each other." your tutor said mysteriously. You didn't know how you were supposed to teach anything to a professional sculptor like him, you'll be happy just giving him a hand, but you didn't say anything.

"I'm grateful for this opportunity Professor, I'll be able to stay in Nevarro thanks to you both." You said with humility and she nodded in acknowledgement.

"Now that you're more established, I'm arranging a meeting for you to know your colleagues. I'll send you the details soon." You'd been eager to meet the members of your investigation group since you had read the articles they published in prestigious art magazines. Their work was outstanding, and they were pioneers in a laser technique that revolutionized art restoration. You felt like a nobody in comparison to them. Probably that was why you didn't receive the scholarship.

"I'm looking forward to meeting them." You tried to sound cheerful but your feelings of unworthiness were starting to flood your insides. If your professor noticed it, you were unaware of it.

"One more thing. I'm emailing you a list of the readings you must prepare before the meeting. You'll be able to find most of them in the faculty library." You smiled at the prospect of immersing yourself in new knowledge and nodded, this time enthusiastically. Then she returned to her work without saying anything more and that was your cue to leave but you couldn't get your feet to move.

"Professor." She lifted her gaze from the anvil, letting you know you had her attention. "Who was the scholarship given to?" You asked in a small voice. She took her time responding.

"Genetic Engineer. Penn Pershing." She revealed and then started to melt Beskar again. 

You left the workshop buried deep in thought, but feeling a bit relieved. It was normal that the university prioritised something as important as generic engineering over art. You convinced yourself to feel a little less bad about the scholarship. Art didn't save lives, you reflected. Discovering the formula for organ clonation did. You decided to move on and start focusing on the present moment. Your research, your job and your writing, so you decided to head to the library to find the books Professor Armourer had sent until it was time to head to work. 

The sky was as grey as Beskar when you left the library with a pile of books in your arms. Luckily, they had most of them as your tutor had said, but you'd have to be imaginative to find the most rare of them. 

The volcanic activity of Nevarro sometimes made the sky this heavy colour, but today it looked more like a storm was forming as the breeze was cold and smelled like rain. You ran to the bus, not wanting under any circumstance that the books you had just lent ended molten because of the weather. On the bus ride, you started reading one of the books that had caught your attention the most: Ritual Weapons of Mandalorian Culture. An anthropological view. There was a dense introduction about the importance of weapons in Mandalorian religion and then the first chapter depicted the most important of them, something called The Darksaber. You observed the drawing of the sword. It looked like how you imagined a black hole to be and the view gave you shivers. According to the writer, it was lost in The Purge, as the majority of Mandalorian devices and art. You sighed and closed the book, noticing you had arrived at your destination. You looked up to check the sky. It was darker than before and you'll swear you could hear thunder. Great.

Your boss had told you yesterday that he always left the door unlocked so you could just slip in without knocking every time, so you went inside the workshop carrying the heavy pile of books and deposited them in your workspace 

"I'm here!" It looked like he was nowhere to be seen, and you started preparing your computer to open the spreadsheet where you had been tracking all his documents. No way you were using the 90's antique he had lying on the desk.  

After 20 or 25 minutes, you grew worried. His truck was at the door, so he had to be inside. Your overactive brain started to generate possibilities. Maybe he'd had an accident and was lying in some corner of the studio? Bleed dry? Unconscious? You just got this job, your boss couldn't die the second day at work! You checked your phone but you didn't have any message from him, so you started wandering around the studio.

Soon you forgot you were looking for your boss's corpse. You hadn't had the opportunity to see any of his sculptures since the wire he had been welding yesterday didn't have any information about the project he was working on. But when you ventured further into the workshop, finally you saw some pieces of his in different states of completion here and there. It was clear that his primary material was metal, but you could see some stone and clay ones too. There was something familiar in all of them, but you supposed it was that they took inspiration from traditional Mandalorian art.

The styles were diverse, it didn't look like he stuck with one but more likely he explored different techniques depending on the project. For some reason, no finished piece was to be seen, but there were two sculptures in a corner that caught your attention. They looked more traditional than the other artwork since there were clearly two human busts, a man and a woman, portrayed in a semi-realistic way. They were made from molten bronze that looked like lava cooled down, which made them very expressive, but your favourite detail about them was the missing parts of the faces as if the sculptor had forgotten part of the model's features as he had been modelling them. 

You observed the sculptures for some time until a cough behind you made you jump.

"Sorry! I didn't want to pry…" You turned in your heels to be welcomed by the wall of your boss's expansive chest. You felt so embarrassed you could die right there but then you noticed.

He wasn't wearing the mask.

Angular jaw covered by stubble, beautiful aquiline noise and plump lips framed by a neat moustache. You couldn't get yourself to meet his eyes though. It was already impolite how you were staring at his face.

"You work here." He said simply in his beautiful baritone voice as if that gave you full permission to nose around the studio. "Sorry for being late." Then you noticed he had been caught in the rain as his shoulders looked soaked. You were so mesmerized by the sculptures you didn't notice that indeed, the storm had started.

"No worries." You responded. Finally, you dared to not evade his gaze and be polite enough to look up.

 Oh, Maker. Were those the warmest pair of eyes you had ever seen?

They looked kind, and welcoming. And also sad and tired. Terribly sad. You felt a knot in your throat and had to look away. 

"This…this bust they're…incredible." You said deflecting the attention from the effect that gaze had had on you, even though you regretted not having picked a better word to depict your admiration. Looking again at them after having seen his face, you noticed something. "Are they your family?" You ventured. The look-alike was evident even though the portraits were fractioned. He lifted his brows with a hint of surprise and took his time to answer. You regretted being so nosy immediately.

"My parents." He answered in a raspier voice than usual. You nodded and smiled kindly, but still wondered if you had made him upset.

"I see." You fidgeted uncomfortably. For some reason, any of you were moving. The air was tense. "I should be starting with that paperwork." You finally got yourself together and looked at his face again. His head was a bit tilted to his right as if he was deep in thought. You noticed his soaked hair was dark and wavy, now plastered to his head because of the rain. "You should probably go dry yourself a bit." His dark chocolate eyes fixated on yours and he slowly nodded, moving so you could return to your desk.

You smiled again and returned to work. Now that you were under his gaze, you noticed how wild your heart was racing. He was your boss, you had to put yourself together. It didn't matter that he was crazy talented and incredibly handsome. After some deep breaths, you were able to calm yourself and return to work when he made an appearance again. Apparently, he had changed his overalls for dry ones and thank god he was wearing his usual welding mask.

"I've restocked the fridge uh…and there's a kettle if you want some tea." He was fidgeted with a towel he probably had used to dry his hair, because the strands were now looking into every direction. "It's starting to get colder." 

"That's thoughtful of you, thanks." You tried to be relaxed and natural. It was easier without having those incredible eyes staring at you. He nodded and then left you with the paperwork. Soon you could hear the familiar sounds of the cutting machine and then a hammer. Today he didn't turn on the radio.

After finally achieving to order all the invoices by date and introducing all the data about suppliers in your growing spreadsheet, you gave yourself permission to stretch and make use of that kettle.

The kitchenette was old but clean and it had everything one could need. You looked through the cupboards and, to your surprise, your boss had a good collection of teas. You decided to go for a comforting blend called Apple pie chai. Cute, you thought. You wondered if he would fancy some too and prepared two mugs. While waiting for the water to boil, you stuck your nose in the fridge. There were sweet and savoury snacks and some fruit too. You went for the apples to complement the tea and cut them into bite-sized pieces for both of you and then put some dark chocolate next to them. When the tea was ready, you put everything on a tray and went to the bench he was working on.

"Snack?" You asked softly offering the tray. He lifted his gaze from his work and it took a bit for him to react until he nodded and lifted his welding mask.

"Thank you." He picked the mug closer to him with his orange-fingered gloves still on. Closing his eyes, he smelled the aroma of the tea. "It's been a while since I've had this one."

"Though it matched with the autumn weather." Even though it was still the beginning of September, the temperature drop looked more like a full autumnal afternoon. Then both of you enjoyed your drinks and snacks looking to the rain through the huge windows for a while until he talked.

"Will you arrive home safely with this storm?" He then asked. It didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon and you looked worried at the pile of books you had brought from the library, frowning. "I can give you a ride." He offered, noticing your worry for the precious cargo. You'll normally brush away an offer like that, but it wasn't a single possibility that you and the books would arrive dry to your dorm. 

"I'll appreciate that a lot, but only if is not a bother. I live a bit far away from here." 

"Don't worry about it." He then finished his tea and put his welding mask down again, resuming work. That was your cue to return to your desk now, but first, you washed everything you had used and dried it.

The rest of the afternoon was quiet, the incessant rain just interrupted by thunder from time to time, and after some time a a lot of sticky notes, you had organised a huge part of the table not only by theme but by date too. You didn't want to pry much, so you had been just overeading the documents a bit. Electricity bills, client invoices, supplier info, everything was now in neat stacks. You hadn't checked the time. It was almost 17:00. Your boss had noticed too, because he approximated you and stopped in his tracks when he saw the piles of documents.

"This is…" He observed everything like he couldn't believe it. "Thank you." He added sincerely, now looking at you. 

You smiled smugly, knowing you were efficient.

"I have a system, I can explain it to you tomorrow, but in the meantime, it would be great to get some folders." You said while picking your things. "I'll also start digitalizing everything and entering the data in a spreadsheet so it's easier to find everything." He nodded slowly. It wasn't clear who was the boss at this moment. 

He nodded again in approval. Your gaze met his mask, fixing the t-shaped visor in it. You had liked working in silence with him this afternoon. Sometimes you had observed how he welded the thick wire or bent it at his will. It looked like he knew exactly what he was doing. 

“We should be going,” Din said before starting to remove his mask and gloves. You nodded and picked up the pile of books you brought from the library. He disconnected the electricity and put on his brown leather jacket and you both were ready to leave. His truck was parked at the door, but the rain was pouring so hard you thought you better run for the sake of the books, nevertheless without a word, your boss opened a battered umbrella and covered you. “Go inside.”

You looked at him wide-eyed for the kind gesture and obliged, rushing to the passenger door. He opened it for you and in a heartbeat was seated in the driver’s seat. You gave him your address and he started the car. The truck was indeed old, but under his hands, it worked like clockwork. He drove with confidence even in the storm with terrible visibility. You noticed through the mirror the baby car seat behind. 

“Thank you for the ride, I wouldn’t have survived this storm” you said softly, looking at the road. He hummed acknowledging your words and continued driving in silence. You were tense and weren’t sure if you should try small talk or not, a million thoughts going through your mind.

“I need to pick up Grogu before dropping you,” he said after a while, a hint of something you didn’t recognize in his steady voice. 

“Of course, it’ll be great to see the little guy again!” You were surprised but happy to meet the cute toddler so soon. He was just so cheerful, especially in contrast with his gruff dad. It looked like mentioning his son softened him a bit because it was him who gave small talk a try.

“Uh…you have a lot of books there.” You smiled and looked at him and he passed his right hand through his hair. 

“Those were the ones Professor Amorer told me to read for my thesis,” you explained. “I already started one about weapons, it’s so interesting.”

“How so?” 

You shifted in your seat, growing excited to speak about your favourite topic. “There’s an entire chapter dedicated to this ancient weapon, The Darksaber. Almost anyone has seen it and the text leaves unclear what it is exactly, but the stories say that the one who has it shall rule Mandalore.”

Din visibility tensed and clenched his jaw and you wondered what had you said to fuck up. Ever his knuckles grabbing the steering wheel turned white.

“It isn’t like there’s anything left to rule anyways.” His tone was sour and you felt terrible for being so unthoughtful.

“I’m truly sorry for your loss, I’ve been tactless.” You lowered your head in shame, not looking at him. After the Great Purge, Mandalorians were refugees without a land to come back to, and you sometimes forgot that in your excitement, even though that was the destruction of Mandalore was first reason you were driven to study and preserve Mandalorian Art. Watching so much heritage being destroyed in The Purge, some of it stolen or trafficked in the black market, gave you the push to focus on the topic. You remembered being a girl and watching the bombings on the TV, the horror. It was a genocide and the annihilation of a beautiful culture. For you, preserving their Art was, in a way, to preserve their memory.

“It’s alright, it’s been a while.” He looked sad now, although you couldn’t really tell because of his permanent scowl. You didn’t talk again until he stopped the truck. “We’re here, it’ll be just a moment.”

With the umbrella from before, he rushed to the front door of a single-family home. Despite of the heavy rain, you could see the lawn was well taken for. A woman appeared from inside, and you could see she had long hair and a kind smile. She handed the boy to Din and waved to them when they left. You noticed a little girl appeared behind the woman and waved to them too. You wondered who they were.

“Here you are…” Din strapped the kid in his seat and you couldn’t help but turn to greet him. 

“Hi little man, how was your afternoon?” Grogu squeaked excitedly, giving you a toothy smile.

“It seems like he remembers you.” His dad had returned to the driver’s seat and he looked softer now. You couldn’t help but feel relieved, the conversation had been a bit tense before. “Did you have a good time with Winta?” He asked the child, and the little one started an incomprehensible debriefing with his dad.

“That looks like a lot of fun!” You commented, and the kid looked at you with those dark, bright eyes. You smiled at him and he reached with his hand to you. Obliging to his silent petition, you let him grab your hand with his little one. It was when you heard something you weren’t expecting and warmed your heart. 

Din Djarin chuckled.

Next Chapter

Taglist: @technicallykawaiisoul@dameron-grant-spector @booksarekindaneat

[itsphoenix0724]

Through the Pass (Cassian x Reader)

Summary: On a quiet night in with his mate Cassian recounts his past lover. A fierce, bold-hearted Valkyrie who perished during the war.

Warning: angst, does not have a happy ending, death

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: Hello all! I'm sorry I haven't put out anything in a while. Work has been kicking my ass. This is unedited, but I wanted to put something out to get back in the groove of writing. I wrote this based on chapter 44 in acosf when Cassian talks about Tanwyn. I tried to make this as canon accurate as possible, but we weren't given many details on the young bat boys, so it was a tad challenging. It's my first time writing for Cas so I hope you enjoy! As always constructive criticism is welcome!

“Tell me about her,” it’s a quiet whisper against the shell of his ear. Cassian senses no jealousy in his mate’s tone-just a simple curiosity. He doesn’t like to go back there and doesn’t like to relive what he views as one of his most significant failures. “Please,” Nesta urges. His eyes are drawn to the fire and he thinks of that war camp. He knocks back the finger of whiskey he poured for himself, but concedes, he knows your story deserves to be told. The rush of emotions makes him drag Nesta just a little closer.

“It was a long time ago,” Cassian rumbled, “I was young. Just a lackey the camp leader liked to drag around.”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

War was always an ugly thing, but it was a thing Cassian happened to be very good at.

Not that the camp leaders gave him enough respect to join the war meetings anyway. He found himself missing his brothers, and missing the warm home the Lady of the court provided for them. He wasn’t a child anymore though, he was now at the generals' mercy.

The rough summer heat beat down on his back, and he could feel his sweat soaking through his leathers. He knew something was happening today, all of the males in the camp were on edge.  

He quickly realized why when the battalion of females appeared in the camp. 

They radiated power.

They all wore leathers similar to his own, but they also wore silver gleaming chest plates engraved with two wings surrounding an eight-pointed star. Cassian’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. If the Valkyries were here then something important is happening. He felt his stomach twist in disgust when he saw the way the other Illyrian males were sneering at the women. However, the females did not falter, most sneering right back at the brutes or not giving them the time of day. 

That was when he saw their general. 

She was jaw-dropping, hair braided into a crown with a piece of white ribbon, and a strong silver sword strapped along the length of her back. She nodded at him in greeting before disappearing into his camp leader's tent. 

He felt the tips of his cheeks twinge red before his supervisor snapped at him to get back to work. 

Cassian didn’t interact with the Valkyries much after that. They had set up a camp about a mile from the Illyrians. The only glimpses of the women he got were during his daily run around the border. They rose with the sun and did stretches that he had never seen before. While the Illyrians focused more on strength training, doing the bare minimum stretches to keep muscles from tearing, the Valkyries focused more on flexibility and grounding techniques. He was even more surprised when he saw their general doing the morning warm-ups with the rest of the battalion. You were completing the warm-ups along with taking a break to mildly correct some of the others in their form. He had never seen such a thing, he barely saw his camp leader step out of the tent, let alone help newer soldiers with their form. He tried to watch and copy the movements, but he quickly realized his balance could use some work. After struggling for a while he made his way back to the camp. 

Cassian fell into a rhythm. He woke early and did his normal run until he reached the Valkyrie campsite where he would attempt to replicate the stretches and workouts from a distance. 

It wasn’t until later when he was practicing the stretches alone on the bank of a lake that he met you for the first time. The moon was high and the sky was covered in a blanket of stars that allowed him enough light to see clearly. 

“What are you doing?” the sound of your voice snapped him out of the trance he had been in, poorly imitating the Valkyrie warm-up routine. You had seen him watching you in the mornings a few times and assumed he was just like all the other Illyrian males at the camp. 

They didn’t respect you but they sure liked to stare. 

If you had realized he was trying to learn you probably would’ve helped. You decide you’d help him out anyway-by the looks of his form during a sun salutation he’d need all the help he can get. The male stared at you, mouth opening and closing trying to find some words, a pink flush dusting his cheeks. 

“I was just trying to stretch.” Cassian averted his eyes from your form leaning against the boulder, casually observing his piss-poor attempt to replicate what he’s sure must come easy to you by now. 

“I can help you if you’d like.” It’s a small offer, but this seems like a generally nice male. You’ve been tracking his eyes and they haven’t strayed from your face once. Plus it helped that you thought he was kind of cute. Clearly, he was powerful, the seven red stones decorating him were clue enough for that. However, for some reason, he hasn’t risen in rank. Probably some dumb Illyrian jealousy. If he’s stronger than the camp leader the old asshole would never let him surpass the rank of foot soldier. 

He considered your offer for a moment before nodding, and you motioned for him to get back into the form he had previously been in. 

“You Illyrians are always so focused on being as big and bulky as possible you neglect fundamentals of strength.” You’re circling him like a predator would its prey before you knock all 6 feet of him over with a small push to the stomach. His cheeks flush as he looks up at you. You’re smiling at him as you offer him a hand and he accepts it rising to his full height above you. “The first thing you need to start with is up here,” you tap a finger against Cassian’s skull and he sends you a winning smile. 

“Teach me then general. Please.” He thinks that you look beautiful, the white ribbon winding in your hair like a stolen beam of moonlight. The shadows accentuate the strong cords of hard-earned muscle. You stick your hand out again and introduce yourself. He smiles at you again in turn and tells you his name as well. 

“Okay, Cassian. I’ll teach you.” 

That was how Cassian found himself on the shore of that lake every day after sunset. The two of you trained and laughed. His favorite times were when the two of you sparred. All snarls and bared teeth. Rolling in the mud fighting to put someone on their back. It was during one of these sparring sessions that you and Cas shared your first kiss. It was one of the rare instances he had won, your form successfully pinned below him and covered in lakeside mud. Your lips had been his reward. 

You had tasted like a summer rainstorm. So much strength, but your body was still soft under his calloused hands. You were so patient with him and your soldiers, but he had seen you ruthlessly knock down other Illyrians for insulting your status as a Valkyrie. Like the sun shining while it was raining, you were his perfect paradox. 

That was how he spent the rest of the sweltering heat of the summer in Illyria. Training, swimming, and losing yourselves in each other. Cassian had greatly improved in training. He had mastered the Valkyrie sun salutation and had moved on to some more complicated balancing and stretching exercises. It was almost an even match whenever the two of you sparred. Cassian had been getting his ass handed to him less and less these days. 

As fall started rolling in, the perfect bubble you two had built started crumbling. He knew something was wrong when he found you staring at the last summer sunset with a numb look in your eye. He had sat down with you, hand encasing yours, and waited for you to be ready to speak. Your voice was broken as you finally uttered five words into the setting sun. 

“He’s sending us to die.” Cassian’s heart sank to his knees as he watched the silver line your eyes. 

“What are you talking about?” His voice was calm, but he was praying to the Mother that he had heard you wrong. He knew deep down he hadn’t because he had never seen you falter. You always seemed to be unbreakable, and yet there you were crumbling before his eyes. Cassian had to fight to beat down the urge to tear the camp to shreds, but he wrapped you up in his arms. Your shaking form further solidified the nasty fear curdling in his stomach.

“The king has ordered the entire force of the Valkyrie to march the pass in the Gollian Mountains. It’s a suicide mission. I’m going to die Cas, I have to lead my girls to die,” The cracks in your voice mirror the cracks in his heart at your words. The hopelessness as you stared numbly at the water rocked Cassian to his core. 

“There has to be some way we can stop this. Would your king really sacrifice the entire force of the Valkyries in one battle?” The logic didn’t make any sense. The Valkyries had been such a valuable asset in the war efforts. He would talk to the camp leaders tomorrow. He would fly all the way to your king's castle and demand to know what the hell he was thinking. 

“We swore an oath,” you pulled up your sleeve to show the mark of an eight-pointed star and two wings. The same symbol branded into your army’s chest plates. “When the king gives an order we must obey. I already told my battalion we probably won’t be coming back. I refuse to let them go into this blind. We’ll go down with honor at least.” The resignation in your voice delivered the final blow to his already aching heart.

He spent the rest of the night holding you, reassuring you that you didn’t fail your soldiers, that this happening wasn’t your fault, and then he made love to you under the stars for the first and last time. 

When Cassian returned to the Illyrian camp he stormed straight into his war leader's tent and demanded to know what the hell he was thinking. He demanded that the Illyrains fly with the Valkyrie, with their combined forces the scales of the battle would easily tip in their favor. The warlord had done nothing but sneer and turn Cassian away, and when he had flipped his desk over he had been punched in the mouth so hard he cracked a tooth. Still, Cassian had insisted that he was going with the Valkyrie. The camp leader had wanted to let him die but apparently, the High Lord had given a specific order to keep him alive. Instead, he was beaten and chained to a wagon at the border of the camp. 

He fought, screamed, and wailed until the morning. His wrists and ankles were bloody and one leg of the wagon had broken under the weight of his struggle. As he stared into the rising sun he knew that you were gone. No birds sang or creatures moved about the woods in the morning. 

He could feel the loss in the deafening silence of dawn. 

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

“When they finally unchained me it took the healer two full weeks to heal my vocal cords. I had torn them to shreds.”

Cassian was finally back in his body, at the House with his mate, and not back in the woods. He never returned to that lake or the pass where he knew you died. The land between the mountains had remained barren ever since. 

“I’m happy that we get to honor her now.” The quiet rage in Nesta’s voice at the injustice makes him thank the cauldron for giving him her, even if they had a rocky start. She drags a hand over her swelling stomach. The babe is almost here and he couldn’t be more thrilled to become a father. “If it’s a girl I think we should name her after her. For one of the strongest women in our history.” 

The suggestion makes tears well up in Cassian's eyes, and he almost feels like the clap of thunder he hears outside is you expressing your approval of the idea. He laughs a wet laugh into the crown of his mate’s head, pressing a kiss into her hair. 

“I think that’s a great idea Nes.”

[passivenovember]

purple pink skies.

--

A flier for Hawkin’s High’s Spring Fever dance goes up almost immediately after Steve considers himself out of the woods.

“Should’ve used my bike pump to inflate your balls,” Robin says.

He’s been close with Billy for a few months and in love with him for longer, but Steve couldn’t stick the landing.

It eats at him all week, stomach gaining a new gouge in the lining with each bargain prom-posal he has to bear witness to over lunch and after practice and at the mall on Saturday afternoons.

On Friday, Steve grabs a coke from the vending machine to take the edge off of not having the balls to ask Billy to go with him to the Sweetheart’s Dance. The hallway’s draped in shining pink and red cellophane while the planning committee reminds everyone to pencil their vote for Sweetheart Court, and Billy’s shooting for at least a 1250 on his SATs so he’s not even thinking about it, but.

Steve dropped the ball. 

Robin eventually loses interest in making fun of him and Steve wishes he could forgive himself. He spends the weekend helping Billy shoot for a 1300 on his SAT and it’s nice, all things considered. 

Max shoots daggers at him from the hallway while Billy chews on statistical equations. 

“Kid’s just protective of him,” Robin tells Steve on the phone that night, “She’s gotta intimidate. Besides, Billy’s a brain. And a brain like him would rather study, anyway.”

She’s probably right.

Of course she’s right, Steve doesn’t have the spiritual strength to explore what it might mean if she isn’t.

Valentine’s Saturday comes and goes and then it’s Monday. 

And Steve’s looking down the barrel of Hawkins’ last leg of winter, hopeful that the layer of ice around his heart will thaw with hard oak branches in time for Spring so Billy can finally know how he feels, and then–

Tuesday, Steve’s faced with another opportunity to trip over his words.

Save the Date: Hawkins High’s Spring Fever Dance! February 28th, 1985!

Robin snaps her gum right in Steve’s ear, “Wow. Looks like the planning committee’s getting a jump-start on mating season.”

Steve wants to tear the flier from the vending machine and eat it with a side of ranch dressing.

“Didn’t have to use so many goddamn exclamation points,” Steve mutters, but he’s drowned out by all of Hawkins High emerging from fourth period to survey the royal decree.

No one else gives a shit.

The Activities hallway has become the shitty set of a romance novel. With the jab of those three flowery words and a trillion copied posters pointing toward spring, the soft, warm light from the window is burning red, again. The air smells like the wiz of Cupid’s arrow, and everyone’s a moving target. 

And maybe it’s just Steve’s own cynicism acting as a sounding tower, dialing on everyone’s conversations, but love is all anyone can talk about. Groups of girls speculate who’s going stag. Guys walk a little taller, peacocking for every watchful eye.

Steve yanks his coke can from the vending machine, “I’m going to walk into traffic.”

Robin snaps her gum again, “Okay, crab apple.”

“I’m serious. Don’t you think it’s overkill?”

“I think it’s kind of cute.”

“I’m not talking about the flier.”

“Neither am I,” Robin says. She props herself against the vending machine, studying the flier as if it were a specimen under a microscope, “That wasn’t there this morning, right?”

“Who cares. This is the second dance we’ve had this month, that’s not weird to you?” When Robin shakes her head, Steve wants to grab her shoulders and shake Robin hard enough to get her brain back online.

“Dude,” Steve begins heavily, “We had Homecoming in the fall, the Senior Snowball in December, we’ve got Prom just before summer break–”

“--Didn’t have a date then, either, Harrington–”

“I know, asshole, I’m just saying,” Steve cracks his cola can, swishing the fizz around in his mouth until the sugar burns the sharpness from his tongue. “It’s like all those people who are lucky in love think the change of every season requires a dance.”

Robin nods, chewing her gum so hard it’ll probably transition out of that gooey half-liquid stage and into a solid.

Her eyes scan the hallway, flitting anxiously between traveling backpacks and spring sweaters. 

Robin twists a ring around one finger.

It’s almost like Steve isn’t there, as her eyes scan the hallway. It’s almost like—

“Oh, fuck you,” Steve groans.

Robin deflates. “Look, I get why you’re so angry and I sympathize but we can deal with the Billy stuff at Scoops, I’ve gotta get to Heather before–”

Steve resists the urge to cover his ears. To curl up in the fetal position and scream and scream and never stop screaming. “You’re the worst, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, I want to make sure she doesn’t get pissed and ask someone else.”

“She’d do that?” Steve wonders, knowing full well that she will. She has. 

Robin shrugs, “I’m whipped.”

“You’d better get going.”

“How long has the poster been up?” Robin snaps again, like. With her full chest.

Steve wants to throw his soda at her. “If I knew that do you think I’d be standing here talking to you?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck off, I’d be blowing the door to Billy’s chemistry lab off its hinges,” Steve says, even though they both know it’s not true.

“I’m dead meat,” Robin bounces a little on her feet like she’s gotta hit the bathroom. “Heather’s probably been expecting me to see the fliers all morning and it’s almost lunch and I haven’t even–”

“Go,” Steve says.

Robin freezes, all of a sudden. All at once. “You’re sure?” 

That’s the thing about Buckley. She can poke fun at him all day long and make his life a living hell, but she’ll be there if Steve really needs it.

It’s only right that he returns the favor. “I’m sure, Bucks.”

“Okay,” Robin says, flinching a little toward the end of the hall, “Because I can send myself to heartbreak island and pitch a tent with you–”

“Nah,” Steve shrugs, “One of us should have a shot at getting laid this weekend.”

Robin kisses his cheek, quick as a flash, “God, you’re a lifesaver. And if anyone asks–”

“You and me, Billy and Heather, I got it,” Steve chuckles, “Go, before your cheerleader sends her beard after you.”

Robin sprints off down the hallway. 

Steve sips lightly at the rest of his cola and doesn’t think that it’d be better for him if Billy got sent to sort through Robin’s mess.

Maybe then, with his sun and moon shining right there in the hallway, Steve could open his mouth and speak.

--

At lunch, Billy’s head is buried in his stats book. 

It’s a picture Steve’s been trying to get used to for a couple of weeks now, Billy’s usual loose and easy frame settled with hunched shoulders and furrowed brows. 

The SATs are just around the corner and contrary to the front that Billy puts on for the whole of Hawkins, puffing his chest and bearing his teeth like an angry bull dog at anyone who gets too close, he’s a genius when it comes to school.

Billy when he’s focused is more lethal than anything Steve’s ever experienced. 

He’s quick to throw pens and wadded-up balls of paper at anyone who breaks his concentration, and Steve’s taken a highlighter to the eye more times than he cares to remember. And with the biggest test of Billy’s academic career looming in just forty-eight hours, today it’s that with teeth. 

Statistics always gets Billy stuck in his own head, wandering through maze-like hedges of numbers and graphs. It’s difficult, sitting locked out of Billy’s world when Steve’s usually glued to his hip, but it’s something to behold.

Billy when he’s focused is the closest Steve will ever get to the face of God.

He was painted by all the greatest artists, Steve knows, dreamt up by angels. The curve of Billy’s lips as he reads silently to himself, his thumb resting soft on his plush lower lip, is poetry.  The way he glances up every once in a while, grinning softly, to make sure Steve’s there to quiz him on whatever formula he’s been slaving over, is Heaven on Earth.

It’s perfect.

Today, though, Billy’s lost.

The cafeteria bustles around them with excitement over the Spring Fever dance and Billy hasn’t looked up a single time since Steve sat down. His lunch sits cold and untouched on the tray in front of him.

Robin and Heather are nowhere to be found, it’s just them, and Steve weighs the possibility of taking a pen to the forehead if he interrupts to remind Billy that he won’t score a 1300 on his SAT if he starves to death before Friday.

Steve picks at his french fries and wonders what would happen if he got up and left.

Would Billy notice? Would he eat Steve’s lunch?

Would he stand up and follow?

When Billy explodes, Steve opens his mouth, ready to pay the price of getting those eyes on him.

“I’m not gonna pass,” Billy determines, shoving his notebook into his SAT prep stack with a gnarled sound. 

Steve manages to catch the thing before it careens over the edge of the table, “Woah,” he says, a fry pinched between his teeth, “Hey, that's–”

“I’ve been going over the same page of quantitative data for two days,” Billy snarls, blue eyes pinning Steve to the bench, “Two fucking days, Steve.”

“What can I do to help?” Steve asks automatically.

“It’s the VAR model, the m2, it’s pissing me off.”

“Okay,”

Billy doesn’t hear him, “It keeps saying the t-distribution with degrees of freedom is equal to n-2 and when testing the slope in a simple linear regression model with one parameter–”

“--Right, okay–”

“The test for the slope has df=n-1,” Billy snaps. His eyes well up, frustrated tears clinging to his lashes. 

Steve never thought Billy would be a crier, but he is.

It’s Starfall.

It’s planets colliding.

Steve has the sudden, violent urge to wipe Billy’s tears away. “It’s alright,” He says, but Billy’s shaking his head. 

“I can’t do this,” He gasps, “I can’t. I’ve been working on this same equation for–”

“Two days, I know. You’ve gotta eat something alright?”

Billy’s leg bounces, shaking the whole lunch table. Steve shuffles Billy’s notes in his hands, knowing he’ll eat shit for that, later, but he can’t bring himself to care about that when slowly, frightened as a coiled rattlesnake in a mudhole, Billy reaches past his own lunch tray to get at Steve’s fries. Steve hands them over, watching as Billy nibbles away.

Like a little bunny rabbit.

The cutest, most brilliant creature on earth–

Billy sniffs, “I didn’t sleep last night,” He says, almost like he’s terrified of what Steve will do to him.

Not couldn’t. Didn’t.

Intentional.

Steve holds his breath, waiting for the sky to rip open and for Billy’s frustrated tears to punch holes in Steve’s chest when they finally start to fall. 

But they don’t. Billy scrubs at his cheeks, catching them before they can take root. “I’m sorry I’m going insane.”

“You’re not insane, you’re incredible.”

“And you’re an idiot if you think that.”

“Of course, I’m an idiot. We knew that already,” Steve tells him.

He counts the breaks at the lunch table. He studies Billy’s smooth, spotless hands, his fingers as they curl protectively around a purple highlighter. Steve didn’t even know they made that color, but looking down at Billy’s notes, all the others already serve a purpose. 

Billy’s leg keeps bouncing. “I still owe you an apology. If not for neglecting myself, for ignoring you.”

Steve wants to say that Billy’s never ignored him. 

Not once. Since the Hargrove-Mayfield’s moved to town last fall, since Billy joined the basketball team, since they met at Tina’s Halloween party and Billy dusted his hands off and put the pieces of Steve back together after Hurricane Nancy–

Steve’s had Billy’s deep blue attention on him like a searchlight. “You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Steve decides, “You’re Galileo. It’s alright.”

Billy doesn’t crack a smile. “It’s not, though.”

“You’re just exhausted, anyone would be. You’ve been working yourself to death over this.”

“I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here, Harrington.”

“You will,” Steve holds the stack of paper delicately in his lap, worried that if Billy spots another equation he’ll fly off the handle. “You’ve just got to balance studying with things that make you hap–”

“My SAT exam is in two days, Steve,” Billy snaps. He leans forward, lips furrowing with sudden rage, “If I don’t land a score that can get me into any college in the country–”

“I’ll take you somewhere myself,” Steve says. 

He taps Billy’s notes on the table like he’s seen his father do a million times.

It’s final. It’s a promise made of dreams that hold lead in their bellies, falling like anvils in Hawkins but taking root all over the world. In Steve’s mind, it’s honest work. His promises to Billy grow and bloom where neither of them can worry over it. They wave like flags through rain and sun, until they bear fruit ripe for picking. 

Someday, they’ll feed a village from the result of these small promises.

But.

Steve’s gotta say the words, first. Plant the seeds.

I love you my brilliant, brilliant boy.

He slides Billy’s packet over the table face, tucking his fingers under his elbows for safekeeping when his Brainiac snatches it up like a hungry shark. 

“You’re just saying that, Harrington,” Billy determines, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

“I mean it.”

“Yeah, alright,” Billy says, reordering his notes without even thinking about it. When they’re just right, he digs through and hands the most intense one to Steve. “Quiz time, pretty boy.”

Billy’s notes are neat and orderly, the work of someone who’s too good for him in every sense of the word.

Steve tries not to think about it.

When he stumbles over the order of an equation, Billy laughs and for the first time in days, it sounds real.

And then the bell rings.

--

Steve’s not proud of the gut reaction he has when he sees fingers that aren’t his playing with the loose curl that hangs over Billy’s forehead.

And.

He doesn’t own the curl. He’s not liquidating real estate on the island of Billy, he doesn’t own the guy and they aren’t in love, or dating, or fucking, he just. 

Doesn’t like it. 

Hates it, even. 

He wants to wrench those fingers off Billy’s forehead and break all five opposable knuckles before he moves like a storm over the rest of them. But Steve’s gotta wrestle with himself and shine lamp oil on the shadows of who he was with Nancy to figure out if he’s got any right to the way his stomach tries to flip itself like a burnt pancake.

He doesn’t.

Billy’s not leaning into the touch. 

He’s digging through his locker. He’s late for class, probably, because the bell rings again and suddenly he’s smacking that hand away with a snippy little, “Wilson’s gonna have my balls if I’m late again,” and.

And. The owner of the hand that aims to rock Billy props himself against slate gray metal, “You never answered my question,” He mutters, grinning, and Steve knows, like. From down the hall and around the corner that his grin is eating shit.

Billy’s shit.

He’s trying to get Billy’s pants off first, though, if Steve had to put money on it. And if they weren’t in a government building, surrounded by scurrying classmates, Hands would probably be reaching for a pack of smokes right now, or a joint. Something to get Billy loose-limbed and easy to push over.

Steve sympathizes with his masterplan. Almost sends flowers, a little good on you for trying, though I wish you wouldn’t, because the gag is that Billy can’t be swayed. He’s solid and sure as Mount Everest, he’s slow-burning like a field on fire, he’s resolute and strong–

“I don’t owe you shit, not an explanation, not–”

“You could help, anyway.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re a good person,” Hands tries, and it’s only then that Steve recognizes who’s trying to rain on his parade. 

Billy slams his locker door. “You wanna keep that hand, Munson?” 

“You’re cute when you get angry.” Through an awful, laughing smirk, the guy says, “C’mon, you’d be doing me a real favor. I’m trying to get that Carver asshole off my back for flirting with his girlfriend.”

Steve holds his breath. Waits for Billy to serve this guy a knife to the gut, but then– “I’ll think about it,” He says.

And It’s worse than anything Steve’s ever felt. 

At the doctor’s office. On the court. With Nancy. It’s papercuts and the cold, trickling fear of crashing his father’s car into the side of a building. Steve dies a thousand, million, trillion deaths. He doesn’t want Billy to put his beautiful, brilliant mind to anything that isn’t school and his future, and Steve. 

Doesn’t want him to think about Eddie Munson or anyone else.

God, it’s pathetic.

“You’ll think about it?” Eddie wonders, “That’s all.”

“Yep, that’s all.”

“Well, I need to know by Thursday if I’ve gotta borrow my uncle’s suit.”

The dance. 

Steve ducks farther behind Hawkin’s least favorite vending machine and strains to hear Billy’s response. They’ll be alone, once everyone stops scrambling into the doorway of their next class, and Steve wants to determine if he should name Robin as executor of his estate before the weekend.

The warning bell sounds, a million doors slamming in succession until the hallway is silent. Cavernous and peaceful enough that Steve hears the shuffle of footsteps.

“You’re pushy for someone so desperate,” Billy snips, but.

He’s smiling.

Even if Steve was completely off his rocker he’d know the spread of Billy’s lips. 

–

“Read that one again.”

Steve swallows, “According to the passage, the family’s life in the suburbs is described as–”

“Not the question.”

Steve looks up, confused. “If I’m not reading the question–”

“Read the passage again,” Billy determines, chewing on his thumbnail, “The whole thing.”

They’ve been going at it for hours. Steve’s exhausted, and his ass hurts from sitting on the floor of his bedroom since the sun was still high in the sky, and his heart hurts from–

Billy frowns at him, knocking Steve into gear. “The whole thing?” Steve asks dumbly, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious. I’m not understanding the global and command of evidence.”

Steve’s head hurts, too. Aches. He needs a goddamn thesaurus to get through this and it’s not even his SAT exam. He leans against one palm, comforted by the weight of such a thick book in his lap. 

“I’m not understanding it, either.”

“You don’t have to,” Billy says, “You’re not taking the test.”

“Maybe we could have a break?”

“And do what?” Billy shoots back. 

“I dunno,” Steve says, “Wanna make out a little?”

Billy’s cheeks flare bright pink. “You’re an idiot,” He grumbles, not believing it.

And why would he?

In all the months that they’ve been friends, Steve’s never said something like that and meant it. At least not in Billy’s eyes. With Steve, everything’s always one big joke. He never takes anything seriously and that’s probably why Billy’s going to the dance with Eddie fucking Munson, of all people–

Billy slaps his notebook onto the carpet, eyes disappearing so he can scrub at his cheeks and forehead.

He always does that when he’s overwhelmed. 

Steve wishes for better. He imagines all the words and graphs and statistics melting into Billy’s freckles like sunscreen. He pictures peace, exhaling into the dim, warm light of the room when Billy takes a moment to himself.

Steve considers telling the truth for one crazy, desperate moment.

That he wants to kiss Billy. Has wanted to kiss Billy for months, probably a whole year but he was always too afraid–

“I’ll be so happy when this shit is over,” Billy starts lightly. Billy leans against the wall, his curls fanning out around him. Steve gets lost on the slope of his neck, hypnotized by the bob of Billy’s Adam’s Apple when he swallows, “Listen–”

“No. I’m not gonna listen to you talk mean about yourself.”

Billy watches him through thick, heavy eyelashes. “You didn’t even hear what I was gonna say, Harrington.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve says lightly. He doesn’t admit that he’d do anything Billy asked, anything he wanted. “I know you. And if you’re going to tell me it’s pointless to help you study because you’re not going anywhere in life, you’re wrong. You can forget it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve determines. “I’ve heard your shitty self-deprecating pitch before and I don’t buy a word.”

Billy stares at him for a long, tense moment–

And then he smiles. 

And it’s like the sun has burned a hole through the roof and tucked itself on the floor for safekeeping. It’s like fountains of gold have erupted from the floorboards, and angels have taken up their cherub song.

“Got a little fire in you today, Harrington,” Billy says. 

He likes it. He’s impressed. 

“Yeah well. It’s been a shitty day.”

“Oh, sure, the day you helped me study before school and at lunch and–”

“It’s not that.”

Billy smirks, “Then what’s inspired the raging war, pretty boy?”

Steve picks at the carpet, avoiding Billy’s eyes. For months he’s wondered if Billy means it. Pretty boy, rolling like salted waves from his tongue to get Steve’s emotions sticking like hair in his eyes.

He can’t help but imagine that old nickname pinned to someone else, sticking like a nametag to Munson’s suit jacket. Hello my name is…prettier than Steve Harrington. 

Steve can’t even find it within himself to disagree. Eddie Munson’s a cute guy. He’s got that whole bad boy thing, chipped black nails, big brown eyes, and a wallet chain hanging from his back pocket alongside a handkerchief Robin once wrinkled her nose at. When Steve asked her to explain it to him, she said he wouldn’t get it.

That’s probably true.

Steve doesn’t understand most things. Anything, really. But he understands that on paper, Munson’s probably Billy’s type.

If Billy had a type.

If Billy was–

“You’re gonna wear a hole in the carpet,” Billy chuckles.  

Big enough to crawl in, Steve thinks. Big enough to block out the sky, to hold all my thoughts, to live in forever and ever and–

“Where are you?” Billy’s foot knocks against Steve’s thigh, rocking him gently like a boat at sea. 

Steve shrugs. “Lost.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Means I’m thinking.”

“You can do that?” Billy teases. When Steve doesn’t laugh, when he doesn’t smile or do anything other than sit like a bump on a log that’s planning itself a funeral, Billy leans forward. “Tell me what’s wrong, Harrington.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You’ll laugh at me,” Steve says, you’ll hate me. Never speak to me again. You’ll run away with Eddie Munson and marry him and you’ll live a short, happy, vibrant life somewhere I can’t feel you. “You’ll think it’s a joke. Or worse, you’ll–” 

“God, I hate it when you decide shit for me.”

“I’m not–”

“Y’know, back when we first started this thing you kept me out of my head,” Billy admits. “You kept me active. The leash was fuckin’ short. Still is.” 

His fingers twitch against his thigh. Steve knows if it weren’t for Mrs. Harrington and the fact that she loves Billy and expects the best from him, he’d probably be smoking a cigarette even though he’s made a habit of swearing off everything that’s not good for him.

Steve wants to say Eddie isn’t good for him. That he might seem like it at first, but in time–

Billy kicks him again. Harder. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I’m gonna kill myself.”

“Jeez, don’t joke about that.”

“You don’t get to decide how I feel about shit, Harrington. You don’t get what i say or how I feel, or–”

“I saw you in the hallway,” Steve blurts, “With what’s his name.”

Billy doesn’t move. He doesn’t even flinch. “Eddie.”

“Eddie,” Steve says, and it tastes like soap on his tongue, bitter and present and the more he swallows the worse it gets. 

He expects a lot of things to happen at once. Billy may not feel the same that Steve does, but he gets embarrassed easily. Red all over. His embarrassment falls just like his anger, sharp and aggressive, pushing and tugging until Steve’s resolve pops like a party balloon.

Now, though, he’s calm. Eerie. Poised like he’s trying to watch his step around Steve, who can sometimes be a landmine everyone thought was defective.

Somehow that’s worse.

Somehow the knowledge that Billy’s not as clueless about this whole thing as Steve thought, that he’s picked up on every laugh and hidden stare, that he knows Steve is gone on him and still–

“Why do you care about Eddie,” Billy demands. Like he’s genuinely curious. Like he’s got an inclination, too, and he’s gonna make Steve say it, so.

“You’re not going to prom with Eddie Munson.”

The world might as well stop. If they weren’t sitting on the carpet beaches in Steve’s bedroom, he’d get up and leave.

Billy blinks, chest heaving like he’s just run three hundred miles across a mountain range, but he doesn’t open his mouth. He doesn’t pull his eyes away or speak.

Steve holds onto those eyes. He stands his ground. 

Billy jerks into motion, “He didn’t ask me to prom.”

“Fine,” Steve snaps, irritated by the particular nature of this AP, valedictorian, Ivy-League asshole. It’s Steve’s fault for loving a brain, “Fine, not the prom. The fucking Spring Fever–”

“Why are you so upset?”

Steve can’t believe this is happening. 

Everything about this is so high school, so steeped in endings and triviality and of course he’d have to say it right now. With expectant, carefully guarded blue eyes picking him apart. Toes at the edge of the cliff, with nothing to catch him when he falls. 

“I’m upset, because–” Steve tries. 

Billy watches him with eyes like a raging sea, and he’s so beautiful. He’s smart and driven and kind, when he’s not wading through his own head, and Steve’s been trying to swallow it down forever. 

How he feels.

Steve takes a deep, steadying breath. “I’m pissed off because I wanted to ask you to the dance.”

Billy frowns. His fingers twitch against his thigh and Steve can almost hear the gears working behind Billy’s curls, clicking and rattling into place. “I don’t understand,” He says.

System failure.

Steve saw that coming, too. “Guessed you didn’t. Why would you? I never–”

“It doesn’t make sense,” Billy rubs a hand over his mouth,  “You wanted to go to the dance with me?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Why would you want to go to the dance, with. With me?”

“Because I like you,” Steve snaps. “Jesus, Billy. You’re made of a million fucking things to like and I’ve spent so many months counting them, trying to figure out their weight so I can tie my feet to the heaviest one and drown myself,” He runs all ten fingers through his hair, tugging until he feels the sting of it in his toes. “You’re great. You’re the best person I’ve ever known and I just. I love you, okay?”

There, Steve thinks. Asshole.

But the realization of Steve dawns on Billy like the end of the world. He sucks in a sharp, sudden breath, and in a second Steve’s galaxy is on fire.

Billy won’t look at him.

“Billy,” Steve says. Fed up. Mean.

Billy stares at the carpet, lashes clumped with tears, and. He’s gonna cry. Steve’s ruined his last study session before the SATs and Billy’s going to cry–

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Steve slides closer, getting on his knees in front of his shaking, sputtering love, “I didn’t mean to freak you out, I just. I heard that asshole ask you to the dance and I almost lost my mind thinking about what I’d do if you said yes. I didn’t want to blow my last shot at you, Billy–”

“You’re such a dumbass.”

Steve blinks, flinching away. It hurts. He’s bleeding. “I’m sorry,” He says again, like a broken record. “I’m–”

“Munson didn’t ask me to the spring dance either. He wants me to get Heather to take him so Jason Carver stops slashing his van tires.” Billy looks at Steve with water-logged desperation, “I. You love me, Harrington?”

Steve watches a single, heavy tear fall. He nods, chases it with his thumb.

Billy’s breath is warm and sweet against his wrist. “Why’d you think that would be your last shot? You never even took a shot before that, how could it be your last?”

“Because we’ve had, like. A hundred dances this year and I never asked you,” Steve sits, knocking their knees together, “I wanted to ask. Every time, I wanted to run down the hall and kiss–”

Billy eats up whatever was coming next.

He licks into Steve’s mouth. He plants fields of hope, shining bright with the future. 

When he pulls away, his eyes are serious. “I’m going to get a 1350 on this SAT,” Billy says, his fingers gentle on Steve’s jaw, “And then we’re going to the dance.”

Steve kisses him, slow and sweet, and.

It’s a deal. Written in the stars.

--

Harringrove for Turkey commission for the lovely, kind, and talented @keziahrainalso thanks so much for trusting me with your GORGEOUS idea, and I hope what i did with it makes you smile.

All my love,

Jaz

[gunilslaugh]

Hello!! Hope your night is going well!

So xdh and your blog has been such a comfort place for me. And i want to request something deeply personal actually. I understand if you dont want to write it but im giving it a shot anyways 🥺

Would you write something like ot6 seeing scars from your past abusive relationship? It doesnt have to be too detailed or anything. It’s just that i have some scars from my abusive ex and sometimes its overwhelming for me or I tend to hide them usually so something like that would be comforting to read… Thank youu <3

Hi! I hope that your night is going well too! I can't believe that my blog is a comfort space for you that's so heart touching. I sincerely hope that I wrote this ok and that it can give you some comfort.

All members ,• ~ •,

Summary: Xdinary Heroes reaction to seeing your scars from an abusive relationship

WC:~2.2k

Warning: past abusive relationships.

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil

You and Gunil were going out on a fancy date,so you wanted to dress up. You recently bought a dress that you were excited to wear and now you had the perfect occasion to wear it. The only problem was that it exposed some of the scars on your legs and it made you feel a bit overwhelmed. You had received the scars from an abusive relationship, so the memories correlated with them weren’t so nice. However you loved the dress and didn’t want your scars to stop you from wearing it, so you decided to try and be strong. 

“Hey, you look amazing!” Gunil complimented you brightly. 

“Thank you,” you say. 

“Are you ready?” he asked you. 

“Yeah,” you answered. The two of your guys’ hands naturally found each other as you went on your way. 

The date was great, you had a lot of fun. You invited Gunil inside after returning home because neither of you were quite ready to say goodbye yet. You both sat on the couch, still clad in your fancy clothes. You noticed that your dress rode up a bit higher revealing some more of your scars, so you quickly pulled it back down. Gunil frowned slightly as he took note of your action. He knows about your scars and how you got them. He carefully places one of his hands over yours. 

“You know that they show how strong you are right?” he says in a compassionate voice. You look down at your scars. You never looked at them as a sign of strength before.

“They do?” you questioned.

“Of course they do. They’re your battle scars,” he states affirmatively. “Is it ok if I touch them?” He asks for your permission. You hesitate for a moment, but you trust Gunil, so you nodded. 

“Yeah it’s ok.” Gunil slowly and delicately traces over the scars on your legs. 

“Every scar is a battle that you won. You should feel proud of yourself y/n,” he tells you. 

“You’re so strong, seriously. I think you’re stronger than me,” he said more lightheartedly to lift the mood a bit. It worked, bringing a smile to your face. Gunil then pulls you into his warm embrace, planting a kiss on your temple. 

Jungsu

Jungsu and you were currently having a cozy movie night. You were preparing the snacks while Jungsu was making you both some tea. You brought the snacks out to the living room, placing the bowls on the small coffee table. You pulled up the movie that the two of you decided you wanted to watch. Then you made yourself comfortable as you waited for Jungsu to come. Not too long after Jungsu comes in carrying the two mugs of tea. He carefully hands you one of the mugs before making himself comfortable beside you. He drapes a soft blanket over both of your laps. You lean in closer to his side and he casually wraps an arm around your shoulders. 

“Ready?” you checked with him. Jungsu nods and you press play for the movie. The two of you watch the movie, occasionally having conversations about the plot, characters, or just random things. You reached over to grab some snacks and didn’t notice that the sleeve of your shirt slipped down, exposing your shoulder and scars. Jungsu does notice and goes to pull it back up for you, but as he does he notices the scars. You felt his finger grab the fabric of your shirt, bringing your attention to your exposed arm. You immediately felt subconscious. Jungsu knew of your past and how you got the scars. You pulled the sleeve back up yourself. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” Jungsu sincerely apologizes.

“It’s ok, Jungsu. It’s just seeing the scars make me feel kinda overwhelmed,” you tell him. Jungsu’s face saddens at your words.

“You know they’re nothing to feel ashamed about right? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know it’s just…I don’t know how to describe it.” you said. 

“That’s ok,  just know that you shouldn’t let them hold power over you. They should give you power. Look what you overcame, type of thing.” His words bring a sense of comfort and provide you with a new perspective on how to view your scars. 

“Thank you.”

“There's no need to thank me. Come on, let's finish the movie.” Once again you leaned into Jungsu’s side, letting him support you and he wraps an around you, keeping you safe.

Gaon/Jiseok

Jiseok and you were laying side by side on the ground with a coloring book in front of you. Color pencils scattered around you both. It was Jiseok’s day off and you were spending it together. You guys had slept in and had a late breakfast. Then you thought that it would be fun to color together. 

“You know they say coloring is supposed to be relaxing, but this is taking so long to color that it is starting to stress me out,” you stated. Rolling over onto your back, not wanting to look at the page any longer. Jiseok laughs lightly. 

“Let’s do something else then. We can always come back to this another time,” he suggested. 

“That sounds good,” you say. The two of you pick up the colored pencils that littered the floor and put them away back where they belong. 

It was nearing lunch time, so you guys decided to make yourselves some ramen. You opened the cabinet where the ramen was and reached up to grab the packages. As you reached up your shirt rode up exposing your stomach. You quickly realized this and rushed your free hand to hold your shirt down. 

“Showing a bit of stomach is nothing too scandalous you know,” Jiseok played. You chuckled. 

“I know, but I don’t like showing my scars,” you said. 

“There’s nothing wrong with those either,” Jiseok tells you earnestly. He places a hand over where you were still holding your shirt down. He looks you deeply in your eyes then back at where your hands lay and back to your eyes silently asking for permission. You took a deep breath then removed your hand from holding your shirt. Jiseok gives you one last look, giving you a chance to stop him. When you don’t he slowly lifts your shirt to reveal your scars. He delicately traces over them. “See not a thing wrong with them. They’re just another part of you.” You place your hand back over his. He removes his hand from your stomach to hold your hand instead. “Don’t think so badly of them.”

“I’ll try.” 

“Let’s get to cooking. I'm hungry.” He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go.

O.de/Seungmin

Seungmin was sleeping over at your place tonight. The two of you were currently having dinner. You both chatted about your days and other things while you ate. After you finished eating you did the dishes and put them away. Once the dishes were put away you went to change into your pajamas. Seungmin was waiting in your room while you changed in the bathroom. Just as you were about to exit you caught the sight of the scars on your leg in the mirror. The sight of them made you feel uneasy. Now you kinda regret picking the shorts to sleep in. You shook your head, trying to not overthink it so much. You exited the bathroom and made your way into your bedroom. Seungmin was sitting on the bed, occupied with his phone. You walked over to your bed getting on it and quickly getting under the covers to hide your scars. 

“Do your scars really bother you?” Seungmin asks, putting his phone away.

“They make me feel overwhelmed. It’s uncomfortable to see them,” you tell him honestly. Seungmin frowns. He tenderly takes your hands in his. 

“They show that you lived. That you’ve been through life. You got hurt, but it made you stronger. You survived it and overcame it. I think your scars are like little victories,” he spoke. You pulled the blanket away to look at the scars. 

“Little victories?”

“Yep, if you let them be.” he begins to trace over your scars. “Every one of them can be a victory.” He tapped over each scar. “ I know you can’t change your mindset about them overnight, but try to slowly think about them more positively. Don’t let them weigh you down.” Seungmin moves to lay down and opens his arms for you to come join him. A smile makes its way across your lips as you lay down. Seungmin snuggly encases his arms around you and places a kiss on top of your head. 

“Goodnight,” you wish him.

“Goodnight,” he wishes you back. Seungmin lightly drums his fingers against your back in a soothing rhythm. You find yourself lolling off to sleep.

Junhan/Hyeongjun

You and Hyeongjun decided that you wanted to do some baking together. You went out and bought the ingredients that you needed. After you returned home you laid all of the ingredients out onto the counter. Hyeongjun pulled up the recipe on his phone. The two of you read it over before beginning to start. You began to prep the dough. While you were needing the dough your sleeves kept getting in the way. 

“Hyeongjun can you roll up my sleeves for me please?” you asked. 

“Yeah, sure, here.” Hyeongjun came over and pushed your sleeves up to your elbows one at a time. With your sleeves now pushed up the scars on your arms are now visible. Hyeongjun absentmindedly traced over them with a featherlight touch. However he quickly stops once he feels you tensing. 

“I’m sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable? I swear I didn’t want to do that,” he profusely apologized. 

“No, Hyeongjun, it's ok. You know I don’t like them. The feelings they invoke are a bit overwhelming,” you disclosed. 

“Your scars deserve love too y/n,” he tells you.

“What?” you questioned. 

“They deserve love too. I know the way you got them was awful and traumatizing, but they show how strong you are. They deserve love too,” he explained. You never thought about it that way. You always get overwhelmed by the reasons why they are there. Hyeongjun carefully lifts one of your arms towards his lip. “Is this ok?” He makes sure.

“Yeah, it’s ok,” you nodded. He then pressed a series of little kisses onto your scars. Once he kissed every single one on that arm he changed and did the same thing to your other arm.

“There, now they all have some love,” he said. His action touched your heart. You definitely never thought about loving your scars, it seemed impossible. However Hyeongjun just showed you that it was possible. “If it’s too hard to love them right now then I’ll love them for you,” he told you wholeheartedly. 

“Thank you Hyeongjun, that really does mean a lot,” you thanked him. 

“Anytime,” he smiled. The two of you carried on happily baking. 

Jooyeon

Jooyeon and you were gaming together. Fingers rapidly pressing buttons as you try to beat one another.

“Yes, I win!” you cheered as the round came to an end.

“Not, fair! You probably cheated,” Jooyeon accused you in a sulking manner. You laughed. 

“Jooyeon, just because I won doesn’t mean that I cheated. Just admit that you lost,” you say. 

“No, you cheated,” Jooyeon states, taking a jab at your side. You squirm away from him only for him to follow you and begin his tickle attack on your sides. 

“Stop!” you cried out, trying to swat his hands away. 

“This is what cheaters get,” he laughed menacingly. 

“I’m not a cheater though,” you proclaimed. It didn’t matter though. Jooyeon kept up with his assault on your ribs. Your stomach began to hurt from laughing. “Fine, fine, let’s just have a rematch,” you said. Jooyeon’s fingers finally stopped tickling you.

“Deal, then we can find out who the true winner is,” he voices. The two of you play another round. Each of you hyper focused on beating the other. At the end of the match, you won again. 

“Cheating not once, but twice. Shame on you y/n,” he approaches you again. 

“Jooyeon, no not again,” you pleaded. It didn’t stop him though and this time you fall onto your back as he begins his second round of tickle attacks. Your shirt begins to ride up as he continues to tickle you. This time you harshly slapped his hands away from you in a panic. Jooyeon immediately stops. 

“Are you ok? Did I accidentally hurt you?” Jooyeon asked, very concerned. He scans over your body for any possible injuries.

“No you didn’t hurt me. My shirt rode up a bit and you know how I feel about my scars,” you told him. 

“Scars are cool though, like really cool,” Jooyeon said. “They show that you’re tough,” he added. “Can I see how tough you are?” He asked gently. You were a bit hesitant, you didn’t even like looking at them yourself, so showing Jooyeon would take a lot of courage. You found that courage and nodded. Jooyeon slowly lifted your shirt, just high enough to reveal the scar. 

“I was right. It makes you look very cool.” he traced the scar over. “I have the coolest significant other ever,” he declares. 

[darlingvernon]

bitten | 01.

↳ a series of non-chronological drabbles + one shots about crown prince wonwoo and his lover

◇ wonwoo x female reader ◇ vampire au ◇ 912 [1/?]

Author's Note: As I said in the short summary, these will not be in chronological order and I don't know how many parts it'll have. If it generates enough interest, I may open either requests or suggestions on what you would all like to see next from vampire!Wonwoo. Also, I write these differently to how I normally write my fics. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: In case someone does catch it, this is a repurposed work from a different fandom I wrote for. If there are any concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out!

Stirring, you awaken from your slumber, feeling far too hot for your liking. Usually, a regular person finds the feeling of warmth welcoming in the middle of a winter night, but you don’t. For you, the warm feeling means that something, or rather someone, is missing. It means that the person you care about most in this cold, cruel world, is not by your side.

With eyes still shut, you stretch your arms to their limit, fingers searching the king size bed for your lover, only to find nothing but empty sheets. Releasing a groan, you begrudgingly open your eyes and turn to lie on your back, taking a moment to stare at the snowflakes falling on the glass ceiling of your abode. As you sit up, the thick blanket slips down your torso, exposing your nakedness to the chill night air.

Without a single care in the world about your current state of undress, your eyes search the room until you find the familiar set of red orbs that are set on you, watching in anticipation from the moment that you stirred. “Why are you awake?” you whine, not missing the way his eyes turn a shade darker.

“My love,” he sing-songs your name and chuckles in amusement. “I don’t, nor can I, sleep. Why do you always forget this?”

“I forget my own name when it comes to you,” you mutter under your breath, but of course, he catches it. 

Laughing wholeheartedly, he approaches you and sits on the edge of the bed beside you. “Did I wake you?” he asks tenderly, cupping your cheek. 

As always, you lean into his touch, relishing the stark contrast of his cool skin against your warmth. “Yes, I was too hot.” You reply and plant a kiss on his palm.

Sighing, he gently coaxes you back to lie in bed and pulls the blanket up to your chin. “It’s the dead of winter and you’re not getting sick on my watch,” he explains before you can protest. “I have taken enough from you, my beloved. I will not be taking your good health whilst you still have it.”

Rolling your eyes, you shift and allow one of your hands to escape from under the confines of the blanket and reach out to hold one of his own. A soft squeeze of his hand is all the warning you give him, before pulling him with all of your might and dragging him onto the bed, thankful that he chooses not to use his incredible strength to fight you. Knowing that you’ll stay awake if he doesn’t appease you, he compromises by laying next to you over the blankets, hoping that it’s enough to sate you. 

Even though it’s not what you had in mind, you accept his gesture, not wanting to disregard his effort. Cuddling into him, you bury your face in his chest and wrap your arm around his middle, drawing him into you as close as the blankets allow. He stiffens in your hold but you take no offense to it, knowing that your lover is preparing himself for a multitude of outcomes from the simple gesture alone, like he often does. Planting a kiss on his chest where his beating heart would have been had he had one, you take the chance to pull him away from guilt and sorrow.

“Wonwoo, you haven’t taken anything from me that I haven’t freely given,” you remind him, hoping that your words don’t fall onto deaf ears. “You are, always have been and always will be, the love of my existence. We are already bonded, even without you taking that last step to make it so. With all that I am, I love you. All that I am, is yours.”

Wonwoo shuts his eyes, praying to the heavens for the strength to resist you, even if just for tonight. He’s spent centuries waiting for you and the gods know that he is willing to wait for centuries more if it means that you are safe. Conjuring up the stored memories of you in his mind, he sifts through them in search of the ones that will aid him. The memory of how warm your skin is against his and the sound of your beating heart that he always longs to hear. With a sigh, he runs his tongue to sooth his incisors, continuing the motion until they retract.

Gods, he doesn’t deserve you. Even though he knows it, he continues to be selfish and always chooses to have you by his side. In doing so, he vows to not do anything that will cause you harm and will do anything in his power to keep you precious, for as long as he possibly can.

Tenderly, he kisses every inch of your face — apart from where you want his cool lips the most — to answer your earlier confession. You relent, knowing that you’ve pushed him far enough this time.

“Sleep, my beloved,” Wonwoo coos. “The Queen has requested your presence at the Council meeting tomorrow. You need to look somewhat presentable.”

A yawn escapes you as you shift to cuddle into him once more, too tired to take his bait, which he’s eternally grateful for. “Rest well, my prince,” you exhale, letting slumber consume you once more.

With his eyes closed, Wonwoo places a soft kiss on your forehead and settles next to you, enjoying the peace he has with you while he still can.

© nonrevblr 2022

pls do not copy/repost my work

[adagioapassionato]

playlist focus. 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 (when living gets tiring)

So…you’d think that getting recognition from a band you’ve idolised for a year would push you to create more of the same type of content…right? Not for me, apparently. It’s not that I didn’t want to, or don’t have multiple almost-finished pieces about the music I love ready to share with the world. I suppose life got in the way – and when living itself felt exhausting and confusing, I couldn’t focus on creating the way I wanted to.

But I realized a few days ago that music had still carried me through this confusing and tough time in my life. Early in June, when I’d find myself in tears multiple times a week, I compiled a playlist of songs for when the going got too hard and I didn’t feel like carrying on. In this post I describe a few select songs from that list that are particularly close to my heart!

The playlist is named in Korean, after the lyrics of Find Me! by The Poles (of course, one of Daniel’s songs again!) – 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 , which means ‘when living gets tiring.’ The entire first verse goes, “when living gets tiring/and the world feels like its ending/and taking a breath feels like imagining/because that would be better/find me in this world.” So I guess, it’s the music I come back to when I don’t feel like carrying on, so that I find the strength to move forward again.

There are two categories of songs I added to the playlist. While we feel tired and stressed often, we may look for different kinds of catharsis and comfort, even if the feeling is essentially the same. The first category encompassed sad songs that really describe breaking down, being stressed, being uncertain. They provide a mirror that suggests you’re not alone in your feelings, without forcing any solutions or positivity in your face. The second group of songs provide comforting reassurance: they accept that times are hard, but also feel like a warm hug from a friend assuring you that everything will work out soon.

1. What If… by j-hope

I ended up listening to j-hope’s Jack In The Box album for the first time almost a year after he released it. When I did, I wondered why I’d been depriving myself of listening to an album made with so much heart and emotion. At the same time, though, I felt like his songs had found me at the perfect time – I wouldn’t have connected to them a year ago the way I did now.

The whole album focuses on j-hope’s worries for the future, but the desperation and anxiety for the future conveyed in ‘What If…’ is palpable, from the desperate piano riff to the repeating shouts of “what if, what if, I have no…” in the chorus. j-hope’s focus on the dilemma between staying positive and giving into spiraling anxiety about the future particularly stood out to me. He reflects on whether he can truly call himself by the name ‘hope’, when he often does not really feel hopeful about the future. During a period of uncertainty, I was often told to ‘be positive,’ ‘stay optimistic’ and keep moving forward. However, you’re bound to get exhausted by being positive all the time. This song connected to the frequent periods of confusion and worry I faced, where I wondered whether it was pointless to be so positive all the time in case I’d just end up with nothing anyway. After all, I could hardly see where the road ahead of me was leading. The repeating questions throughout the song – ‘Can I do this? (Let me think) Can I do it?’, “What if I have no hope? What if I have no dream? What I have no house?” echoed my exact worries about beginning a new chapter of my life.

j-hope is someone who can truly call himself ‘hope’, because he understands what it is to want to move forward with optimism, but struggle with it at the same time; to wonder what would happen if all of a sudden, despite your best efforts, you were to lose everything – “what if I have nothing? Can I do that shit?” Even in a song where he expresses the deepest worries of his heart, he echoed my own worries and provided me comfort. I thus held this song, and the Jack In The Box album, very close during this time!

2. Ajj Din Chadheya by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

This song unexpectedly touched my heart during this period too. It directly addresses God, and begs him to end a long period of suffering and frustration. I grew to become more spiritual during this period of my life as it gave me hope, thus, I could see myself asking the very same things of God that this song does. The melodies of the song are sweet and accompanied by a harmonious piano, as though kindly expressing one’s frustrations to God and requesting him to give us his blessings.

The second verse of the song particularly struck me. He sings (translated from Hindi):

“I only asked for what’s mine, What is it to you? It’s not as though I’ve asked you to give me heaven What sort of a God are you, Who only exists in name, That you couldn’t do even this much for me? Please, just let me receive what I want.”

This verse really resonated with me – when you feel as though you’re trying everything you can to get what you want, what you believe you even deserve, but somehow the universe seems to keep it from you. At this point, you can do nothing but ask the universe what is preventing you from getting what you’ve desired for so long. The song beautifully conveys frustration with God by questioning if he even exists, but also has a pleading tone that requests him to finally end this pain and stress. It’s a beautiful take on faith that shows even the most difficult parts of trying to keep it, while still relying on it to pull through a difficult time. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s open, emotional voice beautifully conveys this spiritual but incredibly human conversation with God.

I truly love how many Hindi songs outline a similar conversation with God. I wanted to include more in this post, but I wanted to vary the selection I describe here a bit. If you listen to the playlist, do check out ‘Arziyan’ by Javed Ali for some very heartrending but beautiful music!

3. everythingoes by RM

RM’s ‘mono.’ playlist always has so much emotional meaning to me for being with me during every one of my tough times. I think Namjoon’s music has a beautiful quality of mirroring your pain and struggles in the most comforting way possible. With this song, he takes even the cliched statement of “this too shall pass” or “everything will pass” and turns it into a message of perseverance and hope.

The gentle tones of Namjoon’s singing that repeat the words, “It all passes, someday, for sure, certainly…It passes” really ensure this simple message is ingrained in our minds. His soft singing contrasts the increasing desperation of his voice during the rap section. While he uses beautiful imagery of change – “Just as night leaves and morning comes/The spring leaves and summer comes, but/Just like the flower wilts and the fruit grows ripe” – he states, contrastingly, that “everything needs to go through pain.” Thus, he accepts that even beautiful experiences pass and change. Similarly, while endings and change feel painful and sad, they pass to reveal something even more beautiful, that will then go through the same cycle of ending and change.

Namjoon also suggests that while it can be hard to believe in “unclear words saying to have strength” and “the lies that it’s all just the way things are,” we can simply pray that we become “better adults,” or people who can control our responses and accept that everything changes and passes. I love how he subverts cliched words of comfort and instead tells us to hold on with hope for a better future. The song is truly such a balm for troubling times and I always revisit it when I feel low.

4. The Story by Conan Gray

A lot of Conan’s music feels like it was written just for me. The whole ‘Kid Krow’ album especially has a lot of songs that really felt like a hug through my hard times. I’m really happy to say that I watched Conan perform this song live, and it was absolutely beautiful to sing it with him and feel with him the hopeful tones of his music. Before performing it, he explained that the song was very personal to him – he said that although he went through a lot as a child and was tired of being told he should ‘be strong’, the fact that he was able to perform for us like this showed just how much better things could get, and even if it feels like it, it’s really not the end of the story.

The lyrics of the song focus on love and friendship, and tell each story briefly but impactfully such that they really strike the heart – the first verse, for example:

“Let me tell you a story about a boy and a girl It’s kinda short, kinda boring, but the end is a whirl They were just sixteen and the people were mean So they didn’t love themselves, and now they’re gone Headstones on a lawn…”

I really love the way Conan assures us that even though the world is harsh and life can be hard, it’s still “not the end of the story” – “Oh and I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works/But I think that it could work for you and me/Just wait and see/It’s not the end of the story.” The song is very simply composed – Conan’s voice is left bare an accompanied by just a piano and guitar, which makes it feel more personal as though he’s telling these stories only to you. This song feels like a conversation with your best friend late at night as you pour your hearts out to each other – and that’s one of the many reasons it gives me so much hope and reassurance.

5. New Youth (새소년) by SE SO NEON

I ended up discovering Se So Neon when I more recently got into the Korean indie scene – I truly enjoy Hwang Soyoon’s silvery voice that manages to convey a versatile range of emotions. Through its sound alone, this song feels like a lullaby. The song is titled Se So Neon (새소년) in Korean too – thus, the band’s name and this song both signify ‘new youth.’

The song touched me because of its focus on the ‘new youth’ of today – it spoke to me as someone in their ‘youth’ who was rather struggling with being in that phase of life. I think many young people experience disillusionment with their dreams – they want to achieve so much, but they realise how difficult it is to build one’s own life in today’s world and society. I love how Soyoon captures this when she sings, “The time you had hoped for passes by/We walked on without a word/I guess we had already been forsaken.” Having gone through a global pandemic and then trying to regain your footing in the world after it ends, it feels like all the moments we’ve hoped for never seem to go the way we expect, and all we can do is walk ahead wondering if this was how it was always meant to be.

I also really liked the bridge of the song:

“Ah, new youth, we’ve already been born Ah, let’s breathe in deeply Ah, us forsaken new youth, Ah, let’s breathe in deeply”

It feels so gentle and comforting – it accepts the feeling of being left out, forsaken and struggling to make a life for yourself. It then asks you to just take a breath for a minute and feel that you are alive. And yet, somehow, we still find it in us to run towards the future – “the future sees a light, far over there/It keeps illuminating me, it calls to me, I run to it” “I aimed for and ran away to the time that was visible to me.” Thus, she asks us to keep going as best we can, to move forward and make the choices that we know best despite struggling and feeling forsaken. The regular rhythms, soothing melodies and Soyoon’s voice like a lullaby all make this such a wonderful song to listen to during times like these.

6. The Same (우리에게 필요한건) by The Poles

And finally, the song that inspired me to make this entire post! I heard this song a long time ago, but on a particularly hard day, the lyrics of the chorus played on my mind continuously – “어지러운 날들이 다시 괜찮아질 거야” (those dizzy days will become okay once again). I listened to the song and checked what the lyrics meant, and somehow, it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment, just like the song’s Korean title, 우리에게 필요한건 (What we/I need). The chorus is particularly so special: “As we look at the same place/We’ll once again walk the same path/Those dizzy days/Will be okay again.” What a beautiful way to say: remember where it is you want to go and what you are moving towards, and before you know it, the dizziness of uncertainty will settle down again.

It also reminds me not to try to control the future. The second verse:

“Let’s be swept away If we float to that place far away Not needing anything at all […] Let’s float without getting hurt…”

It urges you to do what you can and just allow the present to happen around you – float with it and see where it takes you into the future. Go without expectation, “not needing anything at all.” It’s beautiful how a song called “what we need” shows that what we truly need is to not need anything at all – to not expect anything of the world and float with it, seeing where life takes you.

Daniel’s music, especially with The Poles, has a particularly beautiful way of providing comfort. Here, the loud rhythm of the drums and guitar, and the powerful vocals really contrast the soothing vibe of the lyrics. I like to think that it’s a symbol of the strength it takes to move ahead in life with no expectations even while you’re struggling. The way this song came back to me when I felt low makes it so special to me – I really dream of seeing The Poles performing it live, though I think it would make me tear up a lot!

These are a few songs that helped me through hard and stressful times – I really enjoyed compiling this playlist and listening to it be exactly what I needed when I was struggling. I hope it can be some comfort to you too – thank god we always have music no matter how hard life gets!

Here’s the whole playlist if you would like to listen to it, I will keep updating it:

Spotify

YouTube Music

(P.S.: I will try and write more posts in the coming months – I have quite a few ideas, and now that my brain is working again I think I’ll be able to execute them too!! Please look forward to them!)

References for translated lyrics (if it’s not linked, I translated it myself!):

What If

everythingoes

New Youth

The Same