#anyways im shy. and i should have the balls to post my thoughts here more often. nowadays i just banish them in my drafts realm. sad!

[popppyfur]

my only wish in a 4th trolls movie is for a beautiful butch woman to appear and make poppy spill all her spaghetti. Or something like That Scene in pitch perfect 2. You know what I'm talking about

[hivequest]

Taking a Risk » Mallek Adalov/Reader

Wordcount: 2.3k words

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, stressed out reader, chillboy Mallek. TYping quirk only used when texting cause I could not be bothered lmao Originally posted on AO3

A/N: One of my favorite things that I’ve written, ever. I love Mallek and he’s for sure one of my favorite Friendsim characters. When I wrote this I was really feeling those Quarantine Woes

You didn't know what you were doing here. You felt out of place in the worst possible ways. It was a weird, squidgy feeling like stepping on wet grass. But not like the fun kind where you were running around in a sprinkler on a hot-as-balls summer day. No, this was the bad kind of wet grass that you stepped on without knowing it was wet. Why weren't you wearing shoes?

This analogy is stupid. The point is, you're feeling bummed out.

And what better way to not have to deal with that than hang out with someone you knew wouldn't push you into talking about all the ways crashing on this planet sucked! The point is, you're on your way to see Mallek. Mallek is absolutely the kind of friend who can tell when you just need to sit down and veg out. You had been so caught up in everyone else's bullshit that you weren't looking after your own damn self. So now you were doing that.

All it took was a quick text, asking Mallek if he had any company. He texted back only a moment later with a no, obviously not. You asked him if he wanted any. Not really. You ask him if you can come over anyway. Obviously.

You smiled at the palmhusk in your, well, palm. You could already feel the chill vibes of your hacker friend. Friend? Was that the right word for it? You didn't know anymore. When you first met there were definitely some sparks there. You could still feel them now and it made weird butterflies flutter around in your stomach. When you slapped his phone out of his hand and he sent you ass over applecart into the slimy depths of sewer water and he saved you, tits out and all.

You shook off the weird wistful feeling of maybe possibly crossing the friendship barrier and told him you'd walk to his hive. You'd been moping in some bookhive, not your usual hang-out spot with Tagora or Tyzias. This was some upper caste bookhive with purple bloods and some indigos and definitely not where you were welcome if the looks you were getting were any indication. They ranged from snooty to downright murderous. Yeesh.

Your phone -palmhusk, stupid troll names- beeped again. You got another text from him and those cheery fucking butterflies were back. God, you had it bad.

yeah were not doing that lmao;

im not going to let my robobuddy walk out in the sun

do you even know what time of day it =

just stay put ive already got your location ill pick you up;

And like a good little friendsimp. You park your ass on a chair and wait. You hadn't released your moping had taken up most of the night. But with the quick look around, yeah, no, this place was nearly empty by now. Just some older bluebloods trying to cram before their Ordeals and get shipped off-planet. Again: Yeesh.

You kept your ears open for the telltale sound of Mallek's limo. It was a sound you were getting used to these days. He always seemed ready to drop whatever coding shit he was working on to come to see you. You tried not to think too hard on what that might mean. No need to get your hopes up now. It's probably just your bad mood making you imagine some context where there's nothing. Yeah.

Damn, that shit hurted.

Just as you were about to add that to the reasons you were considering just screaming your lungs out who cares whose listening? you heard the wonderfully familiar sound of an approaching elongated scuttlebuggy. If that wasn't enough of a clue as to who the ride was for the quiet of the bookhive was very abruptly disturbed by a series of rhythmic beeps.

Holy shit was that the Tetris theme?

You shoved your palmhusk into your hoodie pocket and yanked the hood over your head. Even if the sun was only out a little bit you didn't want it anywhere near your freshly healed skin. You had no kind cowgirl to nurse you back to health right now if you got your asscheeks baked by the flaming death orb. You peeked your head out and even with the blinding light of Alternia's suns you could Mallek had opened the door and was waiting for you.

Aw. No, shit. You're in a bad mood don't get all heart eyes at him. Don't make it weird.

You took a few steps back into the bookhive, ready to make a run for it. You turn to a sitting indigoblood, who is just staring at you disdainfully for keeping the door open. You give her a two-fingered salute. Godspeed young cosmonaut. She gives you a one-fingered salute. Close the door you insufferable bulgebiter. Fair.

Taking a running start, you book it out into the heat of the Alternian sun and dive for the open car door. It's then that you realize he's halfway parked on the sidewalk to lessen the amount of time you'd have to spend in the sun. Aw. That also means that you came barreling like a cannonball at something that was like two feet out of the door. FUck.

Your face meets carpet and you can already feel the rugburn starting to set in. You hear a startled wheezy laugh from above you, a sound you know better than anyone else on this planet. You smile. It's not like you had any dignity to begin with.

You say hello to him as you peel yourself off of the floor of his car.

"Hey, there robobuddy. You stuck the landing this time," He smiles down at you as he reaches over you to shut the door, closing the space out from natural light and leaving you both lit by his colorful LEDs. You shrug and tell him you've been getting a lot of practice landing on your face these days. The look he gives you is still smiling but there's some level of disbelief at the dumbassery that is your whole existence.

"I know you can get yourself into it. Nothing too bad this time, though, right? No drones or broken bones?" He sounds concerned which is nice but he doesn't drown you with his concern. He leans back on the bench of his limo, keeping an eye on you as the vehicle begins to move on its own. You've been staying out of big messes but the little messes are starting to mess with you. He makes a sound of understanding the sounds as it comes from deep in his chest. Whoa. "Believe me, I've been there. Glad you're not cracking under it though."

He smiles and you can see his little fang and you can feel your heart melt a little. And also you're getting a bit teary-eyed and now Mallek looks alarmed. Shit. You try to quickly explain that you're fine, just, alien allergies am I right? He must be using some new air freshener to mask the musty smell of his limo. Since doesn't use it enough. Ha ha?

He isn't buying it.

With a rare show of cerulean prowess, he lifts you up off of the shitty car rug and sets you on the seat beside him. He feels uncomfortable and you can tell. Ah, goddammit you made it weird. You didn't mean to. Fuck. Fuck now you're feeling even worse. You thought you were starting to balance out. You're with Mallek now, shouldn't everything start to quiet down like it always does? Fuck. He doesn't say anything at first, just leans back against the seat and stretches his arms across it, letting you lean on him if you choose to.

...You choose to.

Your head finds itself somewhere between his shoulder and his collarbone, and you just. Shove your face there. Then scream.

To his credit, Mallek doesn't even flinch. He doesn't wince or shy away from you as you let out every bit of anger, sadness, and frustration out against his sweater. He just sits quietly, staring straight at the blacked-out windshield. You get the feeling he's needed to do this more than once.

Screw this planet. Screw everything about it that makes all of your friends suffer. Why can't you just get them away from all this bullshit?! Why do you have to deal with everyone's bullshit! You love them, you do but holy fuck they're looking to you like you can undo all the damage this place has done to them when you've got literally no god damn idea what's happening at any point ever!

And then, just like that, it fades into the background. Your throat hurts. Your head hurts and you think you might be crying. But it feels lighter. Better now that you've gotten some of that aggression out. You aren't like the trolls on Alternia. You can't kill people when you experience an Emotion™. But that doesn't mean you don't get pent up with rage.

Mallek realizes that now. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and his left hand slowly moves down from the back of the seat the rest against your back. His thumb brushes against your back, the claw drawing little patterns against the fabric of your sweater. His sweater. He tries not to think his sign your chest. This isn't the time.

"Feeling any better?" He asks and you don't know how to answer. You kinda don't want to. But you nod anyways, and you feel some tension leave his body. You knew he was worried about you. You apologize for making him witness your meltdown but he just makes another deep-chested hum. "Nothing to apologize for. I got the feeling you weren't feeling great. I could tell from the texts, you didn't use nearly enough ugly emojis."

You scoff and smack a hand against his chest and once again you hear that wonderful laugh from him. Hey! Your purrbeast emojis are adorable, thank you very much! And you'll not hear another word of it or else you'll send him pictures of rocks and rocks exclusively. No more memes.

"Jokes on you I'm into that shit." You laugh and thump your head against his collarbone. You thank him for being with you when were needed it. And picking you up to make sure you didn't deal with it alone. You don't want to make it weird but...yeah.

He doesn't respond this time, just letting you both enjoy the silence and the comforting sound of the engine. You should almost be at Mallek's apartment by now. It's as you're settling in for the last bit of the drive that you notice that the limo isn't moving. And hasn't been for a while. Your head pops up in confusion and the little GPS display on the back of one of the seats says... yep.

You're already at Mallek's.

But then why is the engine still on? That can't be good for the environment. Do these things even run on gas or is it bugs? Bug gas? Gross.

You notice then that the rumbling is coming from behind you. Like. From where Mallek is sitting. He doesn't look away when you turn to him, just kind of tilting his head to the side with a little bit of a cerulean hue to his cheeks. Oh. Oh, the sound is coming from him. He's purring. That's.

That's adorable.

You feel yourself soften even more when he lifts his arms, silently offering a hug if you want it. Is this platonic? Is this more? You've never had too much trouble identifying what people wanted from you. (Debatable.) If was overtly flushed you could shut it down or divert it to something very much friends only. (Like your every exchange with Zebruh.) But did you even want to do that to your hackerman? You could feel yourself screaming, no, absolutely not. But at the same time, you didn't want things to change. You didn't want to make his issues any worse than they already were. He didn't have too much longer on the planet and you knew it would tear him apart.

But then he turned those blue eyes to you. He looked just as unsure as you were but he was willing to take the risk. He shoved himself so far out of his comfort zone for you and was asking you to be selfish. To want something for yourself and do something for yourself. Not put him or anyone else's wants first. Just your own. And so you did.

You crawled up into his lap, pressed yourself as close to him as you could and clung to him. His arms didn't hesitate to wrap around you and you could feel a shuddering breath from above you.

"We don't have to put a label on this... not yet. Or ever. Either way is chill with me. I just... yeah." He gave up with a little shrug of his shoulders but you knew what he meant. Unless you could find a way to fight fate he was going to go off-world. He was going to leave you and you doubted you'd be able to go with him. You'd probably get gored by a drone for even trying.

But even if it was just for now, just for a moment, you were going to take it. You were going to let yourself have something, have someone who would care for you no matter how long or short your time was. You'd take it. You had stomached some of the most horrible things on this planet but Mallek had always been a constant. And you got the feeling he thought the same way about you.

So, you'd take it. Whatever comes next, you'd take it. You listened to the sound of his purring, in no hurry to move to get inside the apartment. Mallek felt the same.

You exhaled.

You would be okay.

[chocolate-parfait]

"Paranormal night? I don't think so!" - Ikemen Vampire (Isaac)

TW ; vomit , mature language

@sciamchyafterdusk requested:

I saw your post with the halloween propts also i dont really know if im requesting this right i just got tumblr but Mc and isaac from ikemen vampire for 21 and 26 🥺🍁 I just think it would be really funny because I doubt isaac would believe in ghost probably just a prank from dazzi and arthur but, I think he’d deny it but secretly not so secretly be a scaredy-cat (also male reader but ik most people have female mcs so you dont have to write it if you dont feel comfortable with that!)

Sassy!Male!MC because I'm kinda tired of writing for beautiful perfect ladies that go STOP TEASING ME TEEHEE, blush over nothing and sing like disney princesses. (watch me do exactly that in the next piece I write)

+it's not a negative thing or anything as I'm the first one who likes to write for that type of trope but,, variety is very much needed every once in a while

21. “Oh my gaud, I think the crystal ball is working. The spirits are telling me you’re a dumbass.”

26. “I dare you to go down there.”

Isaac had no idea why he ever thought this could have been a good idea in the first place. Sitting by a candlelit round table, Dazai, Arthur, you and your lover were staring at a crystal ball placed in the middle of the wooden surface, hands ceremoniously joined together to form a circle.

The room was growing colder by the minute, as the local paranormal enthusiast decided that a fire would scare the spirits away. Despite the polar temperatures, you managed to keep your hand warm enough to try and offer some kind of support to your partner, Isaac, whose left hand was as cold as ice and even slightly trembling, though you kept any type of comment to yourself as you knew he wouldn't be pleased to have a third bully team up against him.

Unfortunately for both of you, the two writers' analyzing eyes were vigilant even in the darkness of the room, and they simultaneously decided to poke fun at the scientist as they waited for something to happen.

"Ai-chan, are you scared?" The Japanese teasingly inquired. "C'mon old Newt! Shouldn't you believe in numbers and science a little bit more? I'm sure your gravitational equation will come to save you if a ghost tries strangling you!~" The other man said, obviously aware of the hypocrisy of his statement. "Would you look at that..! You're shaking like a leaf and your expression is quite the amusing one..." Arthur added, slightly leaning forward to get a better look at his face. "C'mon, stop bullying him, you two." You whispered with a scolding tone.

You didn't exactly believe in these things, and yet the slight creepiness of the whole atmosphere couldn't quite let your heart remain completely unmoved. Just as you turned your eyes back on the transparent sphere, Arthur straightened like a board and with utmost earnestness exclaimed:"I can feel a presence... Dear Lord, look behind you Isaac!!"

"W-WHAT IS IT-?!" The fragile man half screamed, throwing himself to your side and squeezing your arm tightly, as if scared a supernatural entity would grab him from behind and drag him to Hell. The moment the exclamation left your lover's lips your eyes flew to the back of the room, noting with your own two pupils that there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary there.

"Haa... you really are an impossible one Arthur." You said with a sigh while pinching the bridge of your nose. "I'm utterly serious when it comes to these things!" Said the English man with a slight pout marking his features. Then, an idea came to your mind.

The blue haired flirt always found an excuse to either tease you or your man, and a payback was the least you could do.

"Wait! Look at the sphere- no way... that's impossible..." You mumbled with an incredulous tone, making the best shocked expression you could manage. Three other pair of eyes moved to the crystal ball, focusing with all their might to try and see what you were talking about. "Do you see something??" Arthur's voice came out in a whisper, hushed and grave.

"Oh my gaud, I think the crystal ball is working. The spirits are telling me you’re a dumbass!"

"O-of course you didn't see anything- ghosts don't exist anyways..." Isaac whispered to himself, finally letting go of your arm and huffing in relief.

"MC!!! Take this seriously!!" Seeing the playboy so offended pleased you, and you responded with a hearty laugh. "Yeah well, I'm not really the biggest believer of these type of things. I'm still shocked the author of Sherlock Holmes is a fan of the occult, though!"

"Don't you dare mention that piece of trash in front of me!" Ah, there was his weakness. Whenever someone mentioned the detective, he'd lose his temper in the blink of an eye, becoming vulnerable to every type of teasing remark thrown his way. This was a tactic you had started using quite often whenever you wanted to help Isaac with all the mocking gibberish thrown his way.

"Now, now, let us not fight!" Dazai cut off your thoughts with his signature smile. "If we make too much noise, the oni might hear us and come our way"

"A what? ...can't you guys just stop with all the demon talk?" Isaac complained. "They clearly don't exist." He concluded.

"And even if they found us, would they stand a chance against three vampires? You should be scared of yourselves, not some stinky heap of darkness and evil. You can probably snap their necks like a twig with your superhuman strength." You added, looking at the two people sitting in front of you with narrowed eyes.

"Your words bring me an unimaginable amount of disapproval, MC" Did Arthur always need to have the last word on everything? "So do you." You remarked, finally standing up to make your way to the door, clearly done with the conversation.

Barely seconds after you stepped out in the hallway, you heard the sound of a chair sliding against the floor, followed by the familiar sound of shoes you had learnt to recognize anywhere.

"There's no way I'm staying in that room with those two tortures." Isaac scoffed. "I-I'd rather spend my time with you." His tone was shy, but when reaching for your hand, his touch was bold and yet gentle. At this display of cuteness, you couldn't help but softly press a kiss to his cheek before squeezing his hand in yours. "Shall we head back to your room then?" And as your question was answered with a nod, you two started walking down the dark hallway, hand in hand.

Newton's room was quite far from the small lounge you had borrowed for your spooky night, and minutes passed as a comfortable silence hung between the two of you, steps muffled by the red carpet of the hallway filling resonating softly in the empty corridor.

Letting your mind wander freely during the small walk, you went over the events of the day and the evening in particular. The firm words of scepticism you had thrown at Arthur's way suddenly tumbled on you all at once.

What if... what if something were to happen now? Wouldn't it be funny? How ironic would it be! It was a thought that made your heart race; the possibility of witnessing something uncommon, out of this world and probably life-threatening was something that had always attracted the human heart, and you certainly weren't an exception despite your earlier contradicting statement. Sure, you weighed rationalism way more than matters from the supernatural sphere, and yet you had already been proved wrong once when you arrived to the mansion. So maybe nothing was impossible, right..?

You unconsciously slowed your pace, as if wanting to increase the chances of seeing some kind of paranormal activity, and fortunately enough your twisted prayers were met in the strangest of ways.

Passing by the access to the staircase that took downstairs to the cellar, you heard the most curious of sounds. It wasn't perfectly audible from your position, but you could make out incoherent mumbling and sounds that were human but not quite. Seeing how you had stopped walking, Isaac called out to you. "MC..?" After a few seconds of unresponsiveness, you turned to him, curiosity and a hint of mischief in your excited orbs. "Isaac, I dare you to go down there.” His eyes widened in surprise, and before he knew what what happening, you were pushing his back down the steps, adding in a reassuring whisper:"Don't worry. I'm right behind you." But the way you gripped his shoulder didn't go unnoticed, and it reminded him of when he had done the same thing to you minutes prior. Perhaps, those words of encouragement served to placate your quivering spirits, now slaves to your immense curiosity. The scientist certainly couldn't blame you when it came to that, so he gulped down his fear and, in an spur of bold courage, made his way down the dark, old staircase.

What was driving him was possibly either the wish to appear a bit cooler in your eyes or his innate spirit of in inquiry, maybe both. Meanwhile the weird murmurs and rustles got stronger as you approached the end of the stairs, and with a heart thundering wildly in both of your chests, you peeked into the cold basement. What you saw was...

"What in God's name aRE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Theo, slumped against the floor next to Vincent and a pool of...liquids. The angel was whispering words in his brother's ear while drawing soothing circles with his hand on the man's back. Just as you and your lover stepped into the room a pair of blue eyes flew to your figures in a surprised manner, and the blonde's soft voice found its way to your ears.

"Can you guys... help me out?" He said, slipping his arm under Theo's armpit to try and raise him up while offering you an apologetic smile. "We went to the pub to celebrate my newest painting but I'm afraid he exaggerated a bit... He... Theo is so drunk he fell down the stairs"

At this phrase you burst out laughing and Isaac stifled a giggle at the idea of the gruff man tumbling down like a sack of potatoes, then nodded and moved to help the eldest Van Gogh. The moment your lover got next to to the now half standing drunk vampire, Theo emitted a guttural noise and painted his usual grey vest in a terrifying yellow-ish color that would've looked breathtaking on Vincent's canvas. If it hadn't been... vomit, that is.

As you saw the pink haired vampire stiffen up in disgust, you started laughing even harder, calming down ever so slightly once you remembered how horrible your loudness must feel to someone so hungover. After recovering some much needed air, you went to help the two porters who were struggling to open the door as Theo's wobbly legs threatened to make them all fly down the steps, a smile on your face.

The whole situation took a turn you certainly had never expected, but it satisfied you nonetheless. In such a big house, no moment was to be left to boredom, and you had learned to appreciate and love all these grownup babies so it now felt completely natural to spend a night like this. (One of them had captured your whole heart in particular)

...though you figured someone wasn't going to be equally happy with all the cleaning the next day.

[dylshoney]

college boy「part two」

synopsis: reader meets shawn during a philosophy lecture

a/n: hey im like sorry? for literally taking two months to post this part,  im still so unhappy with it, but at this point who cares. this is based on something that happened to one of my close friends last year, hope you enjoy :’) 

warnings: language, alcohol, mentions of sex

there will not be a part three

part one 

Shawn didn’t text you. Not that you were expecting him to or anything. Okay, maybe you were expecting him to. But why wouldn’t you? He seemed genuinely interested and you had spent an entire night together.

 But that was four days ago, and he still hadn’t texted you. He hadn’t even shown up to class on Tuesday. And today’s class was canceled, so you didn’t get the chance to ask him then.

 Today, Thursday, also happened to be the day Shawn was supposed to tutor you, but he hadn’t responded to your subtle text.

 Hey. Just wondering what time are you free to study tomorrow?

 You sent that yesterday, and when he hasn’t responded, you texted him again this morning.

 We’re still on for today, right?

 He didn’t respond to that either, showing no signs that he’d even seen it.

 “Stop checking your phone!” Carrie took it from your hands, making you roll your eyes and pout, “I wanted to see what time it was.”

 “No. You wanted to see if Shawn had texted you.”

 You gasp, an innocent expression on your face, “I would never.”

 “Yeah,” Luke snorts, shaking his head, “Right.”

 “Oh shut up.”

 “Did you do something to make him ignore you?” Mason asks.

 “No?”

 He raises his eyebrows, “Hm. Nothing weird?”

 “What are you implying?” You cross your arms, glaring at the shit-eating grin on his face.

“Just saying, I know you.”

“We just talked.” You shrug.

“And kissed – ”

 You ignor Carrie’s interjection, “Nothing weird.”

“You kissed him?” Luke shoots up in his seat, “Why am I just finding out about this?!”

“Because he’s been ignoring me since, not something I wanted to brag about, thanks.”

“But that’s huge!”

“Shawn’s probably huge.”

 Everyone ignores Carrie again as Luke continues, “Shawn hasn’t kissed anyone since freshman year, why would he kiss you?” 

Your eye twitches, “Gee thanks Luke.”

 “No,” he groans, “I don’t mean it like that, I’m just saying – I’ve never known him to kiss anyone he’s not in a relationship with.”

“Aw, he wanted a relationship!” Carrie gushes, squeezing your knee.

 “Maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did,” you mumble to Luke.

 “And if he wanted something with me, he wouldn’t be ignoring me – so that’s definitely not it.”

 “Maybe he was drunk?” Mason offers.

 “Maybe,” you nod, knowing full well that Shawn was completely sober the entire time he was with you.

 “Well, I’ve personally never seen Shawn show this much interest in anyone before,” Luke says leaning closer to the table, his eyes trained on you, “and if I’m allowed to share my professional opinion – ”

 “You’re not.”

 “ – then I’d say you shouldn’t forget about him so quickly. Maybe something happened to his phone. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”

 Everyone is silent for a second, his words hanging in the room like an ember of hope that you weren’t about to fall for.

 “Okay!” You straighten up, “Let’s go back to talking about – what was it?”

 “Dostoyevsky.”

 “Bless you.”

 Mason snorts, “That’s not – ”

 “But he was so into you!” Carrie throws her hands up, obviously not happy about the change in subject, “He invited you to a party, offered to help you study and took you for a romantic walk!”

 “Technically we broke into the uni’s  – ”

 “He obviously likes you!” She pauses for a moment, “You need to go talk to him.”

 “W –what? No.”

 She narrows her eyes at you, making you sit up straighter, “No. I am not – what – what would I even say?”

 “You’d be casual about it, something like – hey I thought we were supposed to study today?”

 You open your mouth, but close it quickly – hating how much sense she was making. Plus, you really wanted to see him again.

 “That’s not a bad idea,” Mason nods, “Be casual about it.”

 “I don’t know how to be casual about it.” You groan, slumping back into the leather armchair.

 “I can come with you, if you want. I need to ask Miles for my hat back anyway,” Luke offered.

 “No, she should do this alone,” Carrie shakes her head, “C’mon baby. Woman up, and go get yourself a husband.”

 You smile, shaking your head at her, before pursing your lips, and staying silent for a few seconds,

 “Okay.” You stand abruptly before you can convince yourself otherwise, “I’m just going to go to his house and ask him why he canceled on me.”

 “If it doesn’t work out stop at trader joe’s and get us ice cream!” Luke winks, throwing you a thumbs up to which you childishly stick your tongue out.

 “Yes, call me straight after!” Carrie squeals, practically bouncing in her seat.

 “Good luck!” Mason smiles to which you nod, your stomach suddenly in your throat as you tried to calm your breathing.

 *

 You arrive at the frat house twenty minutes later, your heart practically beating out of your chest.

You take a deep breath, wiped your sweaty hands on your jeans and walk up the steps before you can convince yourself to leave.

You knock on the door, once and then two more times for good measure. Your lips are raw from how much you had chewed on them, your eyes flickering up as the door swings open – Brian’s wide eyes staring down at you.

 “Y/n.” He looks behind him, coming out and shutting the door, “What are you doing here?”

 You swallow, trying to smile, “I – uh was wondering if Shawn was here?”

 His face is somber, a stark contrast to the grin you are used to, “He is.”

 You have never felt more awkward in your life, but it was too late to back out now, “Can I talk to him?”

 “I’m not sure that’s the best idea, sorry y/n.”

 You blink, taking a step back as your wide eyes stare at his almost angry expression. What the hell could you have done to make him look at you like that?

 “Oh. Well, can you tell him I was here?”

 He is silent for a moment, before nodding curtly, “Yeah. I’ll tell him.”

 He doesn’t sound genuine, his words sounding more like a dismissal than anything. You nod once, trying to keep your expression as passive as possible before turning around and slowly making your way down the steps.

 You hear the sound of a door opening, a familiar voice filling your senses as you freeze on the last step, “Dude listen – ”

 “Shawn, go back inside.”

 Brian’s harsh tone causes you to turn around, your wide eyes meeting unmistakable golden ones. Goosebumps run over your form, your mouth falling open as you register the way he’s looking at you. It’s something you’ve never seen before.

 “What are you doing here?”

 Your mouth is dry, a sudden urge to curl up in a ball and die coming over you.

 “I – ” you straighten up, trying to seem more composed than you felt, “I wanted to ask why you ignored my texts? I thought we were supposed to …”

 “You should leave.”

 “Huh?” Your mouth opens and closes, making you look like a blubbering fish.

 “Leave.”

 “Shawn – what? I –”

 You stop yourself, a tightness forming in your chest, “Look, I don’t know what I did to make you act like this, but there’s no reason for you to be such a dick.”

 You almost shy back at the deadly look in his eyes, his arms crossed as he takes a step closer to you.

 “Aaaand that’s my cue to leave.” Brian’s inside the house before you have a chance to blink, leaving you alone with Shawn’s glaring.

 “You’re kidding right?” He chuckles sarcastically after a minute; “You think I’m just going to study with you after the stunt you pulled?”

 “What stunt?”

 “I’m not a fucking idiot, y/n!”

 You flinch, taking a step back as your hands began to shake; you were never good with people yelling at you.

 “Shawn,” your voice is weak, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 “You’ve been telling everyone we fucked y/n.”

 Your heart drops in your stomach, like a heavyweight bringing you down, “No –”

 “No?” He’s looking at you like you are a child,  “The sad thing is – I actually liked you. But I guess that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

 “I –” You feel like you can’t breathe.

 “I hope it’s brought you the popularity you were craving, please never speak to me again.”

 You nod numbly, watching through glossy eyes as he steps back, his eyes almost softening at the look on your face – before he swings the door open, slamming it behind him.

 You blink, a single tear making it’s way down your face as you practically fall down the steps – your legs moving of their own accord.

 You pull your phone out, trying to make out the screen through your tears, bringing it up to your ear.

 You sniffle as you listen to the dial tone stop, “Carrie …”

 *

 You spent the entire weekend trying to figure out how the hell you were going to walk into class and face Shawn again.

 At Carrie’s request, you had gotten drunk on Saturday. She had hoped that it would help you relax and ease your whirring mind – but it had the complete opposite effect. After six jello shots you were laying in your bed, shaking and relying on Carrie’s soothing voice to send you to sleep.

 No one was more surprised than you that Shawn’s rejection had cut so deep, but it had you out for four days, which is more than you had given your last boyfriend.

 Mason tried to make sense of it, but couldn’t figure out how a guy you had only known for a few days had you unable to get out of bed.

 You were pretty positive that it wasn’t just about Shawn, but more about the way he had treated you. You hated how often you thought about the look on his face, so dark and serious. Deadly.

 You had never been involved in a rumor, much less started one. It wasn’t that you were quiet or shy, people knew who you were – but you were never interesting enough to gossip about.

 You slightly wished you had stayed back and explained yourself, told Shawn that you would never make up rumors, especially rumors like that. But then you would remind yourself that it wasn’t necessary. If Shawn had actually cared, he would have given you a chance to speak your truth, but he had obviously written you off immediately.

 This led you to walk into your philosophy lecture on Tuesday, completely pissed. Luke said angry you was a step up from sad you, and to some extent, you agreed. It was easier to be mad at Shawn, than to admit that you were still hurt.

 You got to class early, making sure to sit in your usual seat, knowing that Shawn wouldn’t sit next to you. Your notebook was open in your lap, with your ballpoint pen twirling in your hand, but your eyes were vacant, staring straight ahead as you saw him enter the room.

 In your peripheral vision you could see that he paused for a moment, before sighing and walking to the opposite side of the lecture hall, seating himself in a top left row. One of the rows with the absolute worst visibility. Good.

 As much as you wished you could say that the class went by without a hitch, that was far from the truth. Your professor seemed to be talking twice his usual heightened speed, wanting to make up for the lost class, and you were having an even harder time keeping up.

 Without Shawn’s notes and guidance, you knew that you would be screwed for the exam coming up in two weeks. It didn’t help that every single time you looked at the empty seat next to you, you thought of the curly haired boys lips on yours, which would immediately morph into the look on his face when he glared at you from his front door.

 Halfway into the lesson, your head is pounding and you realize that it’s completely meaningless for you to be seated there, pretending to be paying attention, when you could be in your bed instead.

 Ten minutes later you finally get enough courage to get up and walk down the steps, smiling slightly at your professor, who consequentially completely ignores you, and walk out of the auditorium.

 You swing your bag over your shoulder, releasing a breath as you speed walk down the vacant hall.

 “Y/n!”

 You recognize the voice immediately, and your headache increases tenfold. You don’t turn back, in fact, your steps quicken and you’re silently praying that he doesn’t follow you.

 “Wait! Y/n!” You can hear his footsteps against the wooden flooring and you’re cursing yourself for not putting in earbuds when you had the chance. He calls your name once more and with a roll of your eyes and a huff you spin around, “What, Shawn?”

 He falters for a moment, almost flinching back at the aggression in your tone, but he doesn’t stop walking until he’s three feet in front of you. “I just wanted to see if you were okay. You walked out of there pretty fast.”

 You feel like you’re having an out of body experience. He can’t really be asking you this? You stay silent, if not for the complete lack of a response, for the dramatic effect of finally getting to be as petty as you originally should have been.

 You stare at him with a blank expression for a few seconds to the point where it’s getting awkward, and Shawn has to look away and clear his throat, “Look I know you’re probably mad and –”

 “Probably mad.” You repeat, almost tauntingly. “Okay. I don’t have time for this right now.”

 You’re already turning around, this time not faltering as he calls your name for a third time, practically running out the doors. You hate the tightness in your chest, your fists clenching subconsciously at the look on his face, like he hadn’t completely embarrassed you not even a week ago.

 You almost want to turn around and yell at him for acting civil and asking you if you were okay, like the two of you had fought over an assignment, not over him accusing you of starting a reputation-ruining rumor.

 The weird thing, you realize, is that if the gossip was as bad and widespread as he made it out to seem, why hadn’t you heard anyone talking about it? Why hadn’t anyone approached you directly?

 Your mind is reeling and it takes everything in you to not send him a very strongly worded text, instead, you opt to head to trader joe’s picking up to pick up some ice cream, for the sixth time this week.

 *

 “Take the fucking shot you dumb – ” You’re downing the vodka before Carrie can finish whatever the hell she was going to say, leading her to promptly switch to shouting in your face.

 You’re almost regretting coming to the after party, but you couldn’t go home now. Not after the hockey team practically annihilated your rivals.

 “Holy fuck.” You’re gagging at the bitter taste in your throat, and taking Carrie’s hand as she leads you further into the party, where people are seated, waiting for the game of kings.

 “Y/n! C!” Marie cheers as the two of you take your seats, with Luke to your left and Marie to Carrie’s right.

 “Perfect.” Mason nods, “Can we start now?”

 “Wait!” Brian and Shawn push forward to seat themselves in the circle, Shawn’s eyes meeting yours as you unapologetically glower at him. His gaze shifts to the floor and you’re grinning, thankful that the alcohol is giving you a boost in confidence.

 “Does anyone need a refresher on the game?” Marie shouts, gaining a rumble of different responses, making her huff loudly, “Okay. So the cards are shuffled. We go in a circle and take drinks based on the card we pick. Each card has a predetermined assignment, so we’ll explain those as they come along. If you refuse to drink, you’re out. If you barf, you’re out. Your drink has to be filled at all times. Blah blah blah … let’s go!”

 “Who wants to go first?”

 “I’ll go!” Luke straightens up and the circle quiets down as he reaches for the pile of cards, before turning over a six.

 “Six means ladies drink!” A vaguely familiar boy shouts and suddenly you’re wondering if it’s the infamous Miles.

 Cheers erupt as the girls pick up their drinks to take a sip. You lower your cup with a slight smile as expectant gaze turn to look at you as you crawl forward to the middle, pulling out a two.

 “Two for you,” you recite, “I get to choose which two people will drink, or which person will take a double.”

 Snickers fill the room, two’s were one of the specific target cards, easy for trying to get certain people drunk. You straighten up, your eyes trained forward on a pair of confused brown ones. “I think I’ll go for our newbies. Brian and Shawn.”

 Brian rolls his eyes and downs the shot without a moment’s notice, but you can see the hesitation on Shawn’s face. You resist the urge to laugh, instead choosing to keep your calm, your gaze on him unwavering. “Problem Mendes?”

 You can see him swallow, and for a moment you feel guilty knowing that he doesn’t drink, but it’s his fault for joining the game. He knew what he was getting into.

 “No problem.” He clears his throat and throws the solo cup back, swallowing the contents inside, drinking way more than needed.

 You blink back in shock as the circle erupts in screams, everyone congratulating him for downing that much at once. Shawn grabs the bottle of vodka in the middle of the circle and adds it to his cups, mixing with some of the pink lemonade also provided.

 He catches your gaze across the circle, raising his cup as a sign of cheers, and winks at you.

 The game continues without a hitch, the next seven people going by in a blur of drinks. You had to drink two more times, but you weren’t opposed, hoping that intoxication could be an excuse for your raging cheeks.

 After Brian’s 3 and his lone drink, it is finally Shawn’s turn. You're anxiously biting your lip as he drags the card of out the center, almost in slow motion.

 He brings the card up to the light and based on Brian’s reaction, it’s a shitty one. Your heart is beating out of your chest and his eyes flicker back up to yours, spinning the card to reveal the only eight in the entire game.

 Your heart is in the pit of your stomach and you know what he’s going to say before he even manages to open his mouth. “Eight for a mate. The player gets to choose a mate to drink with them for the entire rest of the game.”

 People are losing their minds, even the bystanders passing by are curious to see who the smirking boy will choose. But he hasn’t taken his eyes off you for a second, and you’re almost tempted to leave the game, but it’s far too late now. “Y/n. I choose y/n.”

 Carrie’s hand squeezing your knee brings you out of your trance and you smile, raising your cup into the air, everyone cheering at your acceptance. But only Shawn recognizes that act for what it truly was, a challenge.

 Another few rounds and your words are considerably more slurred, and you’re finding things way funnier than they actually are. But it’s a consolation that everyone else seems to be as drunk, if not more than you are.

 The game starts getting a little repetitive with the same few cards getting pulled, with having to drink almost every round. People seemed to think it was funny that you and Shawn were linked, purposely choosing the two of you for most of the targeted assignments.

 Finally, Mason pulls out a queen, and the entire room gets silent once more.

 “The queen.” Mason smirks, twirling the card through his fingers. “The questions card. We’re going ask each other questions one by one, until someone is unable to answer. You can’t ask someone that’s already been asked, until we get through everyone.”

 There’s a flutter of agreement, people straightening up as Mason clears his throat, “Carrie. Have you ever had an STD?”

 She snorts, “UTI,” before turning to Marie, “Last person who went down on you?”

  “Uh Sarah I think?” There are hollers, but she ignores them as she points at you and your heart picks up a bit. “When’s the last time you had sex?”

 You bite your lip, unapologetically looking at Shawn again and answering without hesitation, “Seven months ago.”

 There are a few murmurs around the circle before Alisha, the girl who you vaguely remember from the last party with Carrie, snorts. “Seven m - months? What about Shawn?”

 “I never slept with Shawn.” You have to resist glaring at the obviously drunk girl.

 She’s tilting her head in confusion, “Are you sure? I could have sworn …”

 “You could have sworn?” Brian asks, speaking to the circle for the first time since he joined, “I thought you said y/n told you it happened?”

 Alisha shrugs, her eyes barely open, “N – no I said I assumed. Because Carrie s –said stay safe.”

 You can feel your right eye twitch. 

No one makes a move, as even the people who were unaware of the situation begin to process her words.

 “You fucking idiot!” Carrie slams her hand on the wooden floor, making a few people flinch back, and you’re knocked out of your thoughts – pulling her arm back. It was no secret that Carrie was easily agitated when drunk, and she was currently fuming.

 “C.” You’re whispering into her neck, “Let’s go.”

 “No!” She’s shouting, the entire room silent as they anticipate her next movements, but your terrified eyes meet Mason’s across the circle, and he’s on his feet immediately, helping you drag you vicious best friend from the space.

 Carrie’s shouting curse words you’re not even sure exist, only pausing once you’re in the backyard – far from everyone’s earshot.

 “The cuntbag ruined everything.” She’s tiny, but at that moment you’re positive she could take down even the fucking hulk.

 “No.” you’re wrapping your arms around yourself as the frosty air pinches your exposed skin. “Shawn ruined everything.”

 “But – ”

 “If he cared, he would have asked me. Not ghosted and then embarrassed me.”

 Mason places a hand on your shoulder, “I know I’m biased, but guys fucking suck.”

 “Not news.” Carrie’s still angry.

 “But at least people know the truth now?” Mason’s still trying to make you feel better.

 “Yeah. Although it seems that this was everyone’s first time finding out.” You shrug, “I can’t help but think that the only person Alisha told was Brian.”

 “Guys!”

 The three of you spin around at the sound of Luke’s panicked voice. “You’re missing a mess back there. Brian is yelling at Alisha –”

 “Good.”

 He ignores Carrie, “- and Miles is puking. I think I got some on video if you want to see, it’s literally like projectile and –”

 “Luke!” You shudder, raising your hands, “Okay. We get it.”

 “No! I wanna see!” Mason’s pushing past you to take Luke’s phone.

 The second the gagging sounds started you were shaking your head and head back inside, leaving your three giggling friends alone.

 The party is significantly more crowded than when you first came, and you’re pushing through a mass of bodies just to get to the kitchen.

 You’re looking for a familiar face, but it seems like another primarily upperclassmen party and you suddenly have the urge to go home. Not wanting to ruin Carrie’s fun, you opt to instead find Mason’s room and hang out there until she was ready to go.

 You have to squeeze through way too many people on the stairs, until you can finally breathe, heading down the hall of the frat house, and finding Mason’s room.

 You’re pushing the door open before you can think and you’re greeted with two moaning bodies on the bed. Your heart falls into the pit of your stomach and your scrambling out of the room, slamming the door behind you and shutting your eyes as you try to erase the image from your mind.

 “Y/n?”

 Your eyes snap open, not expecting to see Shawn’s concerned eyes so close to you, making you flinch back – slamming your head into the door behind you.

 “Fuck!” You bring your hand up to cradle the back of your head, and Shawn gets even closer to your shaking form.

 “Holy shit, are you okay?” You don’t have the strength to push his hand away from your arm, your ears still ringing from the impact of the hit.

 “Just peachy.” You hiss through gritted teeth.

 “Let’s get you some ice.” Shawn’s leading you down the stairs before you can argue, arm wrapped around your waist as he clears the path for you both.

 He leads you to the counter before rushing over to the freezer, pulling out an already wrapped ice pack, and you’re silently thanking that you’re in the football frat, filled with easily injured boys.

 “Here.” His voice is soothing as he brings the ice to your head, holding it gently against you and you’re stepping away from him as your hand wraps around the cold. “I can handle it.”

 He’s nodding, but either not taking the hint or ignoring it, as his hand wraps around your wrist, tugging you further into a secluded corner of the kitchen.

 You subtly remove your hand from his grasp, pretending to switch the ice pack between hands, quiet as you wait for him to say whatever was weighing his mind.

 “Can we talk?” Shawn’s more nervous that you’ve ever seen him and you’re almost tempted to make this harder for him, but you’re too tired to argue.

 “What do you want to talk about, Shawn?”

 He’s chewing on his bottom lip, “About what Alisha said during kings.”

 “What a surprise, eh?”

 He looks at you with an exasperated look, “I didn’t know.”

 “Exactly.” You’re nodding, your voice coming out angrier than you mean for it to, “You didn’t know. And you didn’t even bother to find out. You just accused me without a second glance.”

 Shawn’s silent, his doe eyes blinking a few times before he tilts his head, stepping closer to you. “I – I know this isn’t an excuse, but I’ve been screwed over so many times, and I vowed to not get involved with anyone this year – but I met you and you were so. Vibrant and funny and gorgeous and I couldn’t resist liking you.”

 You can physically feel your shell breaking as he pouts slightly, “And then Brian came in the next morning, shouting about you bragging that you ‘bagged me’ and I couldn’t.”

 He swallows, rocking on his feet a little, “I couldn’t let myself get hurt again.”

 You’re silent for a few seconds, practically hearing the gears turning in his head as he anxiously awaits your answer. “I would never do that to you. I would never do that to me.”

 “I know that now.” He nods.

 “The worst part, was that you didn’t even let me explain. You yelled and accused and practically kicked me off your porch. It was embarrassing, Shawn.”

 “I know, and if I could take it back, I would. But I was so mad, and you were standing there looking so innocent and so you, and I couldn’t believe you had betrayed me like that. But- but it makes more sense that you didn’t.”

 “Yeah.” You roll your eyes with a small laugh, “It does.”

 He’s waiting for you to make the next move, hesitant on how you’re going to react, and you’re reveling at the power you currently hold over him.

 “Why would – ” You bite your lip,  “Why would us sleeping be the worst rumor the hit the mill?”

 You can practically hear him swallow, “I thought you were doing it for popularity and bragging that –” He’s grimacing and you’re cutting him off. “Well if I did ever get with you, I would be bragging about it, I mean …”

 His laughter erupts so violently that he seemingly scares himself, throwing his head back as his eyes crinkle adorably and your heart clenches at the realization that you missed this. Missed him.

 He calms down after a few moments, “I think I would be the one bragging.”

 “Oh don’t flatter me, Mendes,” you roll your eyes, hitting his bicep playfully.

 “I can’t help it.” He shrugs. “I intend to grovel until you’ve forgiven me.”

 “I like the sound of that.” You hum. “How far are you willing to go?”

 Shawn pretends to think for a moment, “You need money? To beat someone up? A kidney?”

 You’re both laughing and it feels like you’ve never separated, like you’re still sitting on the stadium roof with him.

 You shake your head, smiling as your eyes meet his twinkling ones, “How about we start with philosophy tutoring, and then go from there?”

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[seijch]

just binge read ur previous asks for the sleepover and i was very much entertained😌 how would ur top 3 ACTUALLY dress? like we always see those “outfits the hq boys would wear” but they seem so... unrealistic😭🤚

whack me w a pillow or smth (sleepover event)

OK HI I WAS THINKING ABT THIS MY WHOLE SHIFT N ENDED UP HAVING ENOUGH BRAINROT TO TYPE A WHOLE THING IN THE NOTES APP SO HERE WE GO!!! 😈💯

ok im typing this after finishing the post but i rlly like the way this came out so everyone please read it if you want to see me brainrot over konoha kenji n kuroo ...

KONOHA is definitely a man who Knows his essentials ... knows the beauty of sweatpants and joggers and knows that he looks Good in a solid colored tee (but doesnt shy away from print ... its just that if you open his closet its literally black white n the occasional pop of color) i would LOVE to say he accessorizes but no he doesnt 💔💔 its his fatal flaw too ..... dont be shy aki let me buy you one of those chain bracelets!!!!! those are sexy as fuck and i PROMISE they would make him look even better!!!!!!! in general he gives me big silver or white gold vibes even if i cant see him wearing jewelry on his own :/ its ok if he were to date me id make him come around to the idea ...

he gives white air max 90 or air force 1 vibes does that make sense . if anything has color in his fit its maybe some print on his shirt but if not its DEFINITELY his shoes ... i was thinking abt this but i think hed look good in the bel air jordan 5s but maybe thats just bc i wanted to get a pair NJFKDSFS if we want to get a little less realistic (i mean not rlly bc i know ppl who do this) he probably keeps up w supreme drops n its less to resell and more to get the clothes at retail price which is MUCH more reasonable than resell (i think its 40 for a shirt? idk my friend keeps up w it n i love to hear him brainrot but that doesnt mean i retain ALL the information 🤕)

:: go-to outfit? say it with me ... white shirt/crewneck sweater if it’s cold with sweats. if he needs to dress it up, hell throw on some plaid or switch it up w some nice jeans. unlike the other two he has a good idea of how to dress throughout his life which makes looking Back a much . easier experience compared to the other two LMAO

FUTAKUCHI swears by the denim gods when he needs to actually Care abt his outfits and im MAD abt it bc how dare he look good .... im going to fucking kill him 🪓🪓🪓🪓 the image of kenji in a denim jacket w a hoodie underneath n some ripped jeans haunts my every waking moment you dont understand......... hes ALSO a plaid man which pisses me off even more .... but im going to be honest he uses outerwear to hide the fact that theres definitely a hole in the armpit of his favorite shirts ... hes had them since high school kenji PLEASE buy some new shirts!!!! probably suffers in summer bc he cant wear jackets n stuff without looking weird (has definitely said hes wearing plaid For The Fit when in reality its bc theres a stain on the back of his shirt from when he sat in bird shit. its Artistic baby speak your truth!!!)

at least you can convince konoha to wear jewelry if you keep at it ... while i think kenji gives silver vibes over gold i dont think you would be able to convince him to wear it unless youve already bought it and basically ambush him with it JKSDFDS if anything i think hed settle for those leather bracelets ... its ok his ego is fragile ❤ shoe wise idk he gives me vans vibes (so does konoha but he also looks like a nike stan so i said that instead). if he lives somewhere cold he probably owns a pair of those classic wheat colored timbs (You Know The Ones)

i can tell you RIGHT NOW that in elem and junior high he was one of those kids w the neon athletic fits that took pe too serious when he got in the groove 😐 shut the fuck up n pass me the ball kenji were in fourth grade i shouldnt be failing PARTICIPATION in PE 🗣🗣🗣

:: go-to outfit? a rlly comfy denim jacket (hell let you borrow it if you bitch enough n hell be like Sigh . The Things I Do For You but when you slip it on hes abt to combust) w a shirt that probably has a chili stain at the hem of it n ripped jeans. the white slip on vans. i hate that he looks good.

KUROO is . idk i feel like hes a lot harder to pin down but he probably shopped at hot topic in middle school 💔 is this projection? maybe. am i WRONG abt it tho ... ANYWAY like everyone who grows out of that phase, he has Taste ... post college or just at the club i KNOW he understands the effect a slightly unbuttoned black shirt has 👁 prob rode the eboy wave bc he thought the fashion was nice so he might have a few of those clunky rings ... rarely wears them but bitch he SHOULD!!!! otherwise, i think he keeps it pretty simple! lots of hoodies and sweaters bc if he has no one to rlly impress hes big on comfort. owns a good amt of athleleisure (is that how you spell that hjkdfds) bc he does work out regularly but if you were to come across him during an 8am lecture i can guarantee all he did before coming to class is brush his teeth ... 

unfortunately not a chain man but while his rings may be black (yk like black titanium) or silver, if he were to wear a chain i think hed be fine with either silver or gold! i personally think hed look good in either 🙈 shoe wise i rlly cannot pin him down ... for running im seeing him leaning towards nike shoes but i like . cannot tell what hed wear regularly SHJFKDS 

what i CAN say is that when he was younger (and i mean until his second year of high school) he was one of Those Kids that wore the Quirky printed button ups but like . this time its not a compliment . in junior high he definitely thought those ... and it PAINS ME PHYSICALLY to say this ...... fingerless gloves were the coolest things around ..... i hate that i had to google that now im going to get ads for hot topic

:: go-to outfit? black hoodie w maybe some design or print on it w sweats or jeans (like konoha hell dress it up or down depending on where youre going). if you make him wear them hell even bust out the eboy rings he bought forever ago <33 i think later in life when hes more sure of himself (and i mean like after hs ... hes good in his 3rd year but i feel like hell still deflect compliments in the form of teasing and not believe it in 3rd year) he Knows he looks good so he doesnt rlly have to try unless you want to be That Couple that takes over the world one fit at the time ... in the end the only one he wants to impress is you 🙈

[wolftheidioticfan]

Me: I  should probably write something other than the boys huh.

My brain: ok but sequel to the other fic.

Me: ^sigh^ yeah...you’re right.

In which I just die and feel very embarrassed about writing oh god oh man oh god oh no. I’m sorry this is- ohgh. 

I really did just write this uh oh...😳 I almost dont want to post it bc im so shy about...writing soft things. Sorry I’m a sucker for soft and sweet things uh oh....I’m a big sucker...ok. here we go.

Branches swayed softly in the slowly rising wind, rustling the leaves of the forest noisily. It was getting quite cold in the past few days, but not enough to warrant or deter him from taking these nightly walks. Adjusting the golden colored scarf wrapped firmly around his neck, the jester spoke softly to his companion.

“It’s so unfortunate we can’t do this during the day,” He half murmured, eyes half focused up towards the sky, “There are so many things I’d like to show you back in the village.”

“Hmm, well! Perhaps we can go eventually, yes?”

Patronio chuckled at the optimism of the taller man, shuddering as a particularly cold gust of wind passed by, chilling his lungs as he breathed. He felt lucky it was only autumn, or else this would be much worse.

“I’m not sure the residents would quite appreciate your erm...current form,” The jester motioned towards the Camerlengo softly, “They may not be quite as understanding as I.”

He chuckled at the exasperated yet understanding sigh from the other, picking up their walking pace just slightly. Patronio always enjoyed getting out into the fresh air, finding it very calming, especially once they exited the tall oaks and pines that made up the dense woods.

“Isn’t it great to be out of Tenebre?” He grinned, purposefully crushing a few leaves under his boots, “So many sights and much fresher air!”

“...He supposes so!” The Camerlengo half shrugged, “It’s not really like he remembers much different than the castle anyways. It really doesn’t matter either way. Here or there.”

The jester rolled his eyes softly, biting his tongue to argue for a moment. His friend had always been like this, never all that interested in the outside world, even before Tenebre’s awful curse. He’d learned to just deal with it, and understand that even if he seemed a little disinterested, he was at least enjoying the company.

“Oh!”

His head tilted at the exclamation from the tall man, chuckling when he looked back at the grassy hill they had found themselves upon. The village was in view, though distant, and there was quite a perfect view of the night sky. The jester mentally patted himself on the back for picking the location. He perked visibly, motioning out to the entire area in a wide sweeping motion.

“See? Isn’t it wonderful?” He chuckled, “And imagine, just below, a whole village of people. All with their own hopes, dreams, jobs- All this! Was just right outside the whole time...”

“...Very fascinating, yes.”

Patronio immediately flopped down into the tall blades of grass, rapidly patting the spot next to him. Once the Camerlengo had seated himself, the jester began once again mindlessly babbling about the excitement this world had given him.

“In the mornings, they let the sheep out into the field,” he began, pointing just across from a rather large barn-like building, “and later on, the markets open! They have all sorts of things I never even got to see all those years ago!”

He remembered it very fondly, a few weeks ago when he had moved in, the market had just opened and he had begun to visit to see all the people and get acquainted with his new neighbors. The smell of fresh bread and other goods of all shapes and sizes...Oh he would just have to bring some next time he visited Tenebre! It was definitely one of his best memories in recent times.

“I just- I wish I could show it all to you!” He snickered, “It’s really something.”

The jester frowned slightly at the silence, glancing over to see the taller man with his eyes closed, seeming lost in thought. Had he bored him?

“...Cam? Are you listening?”

“Hm? Oh! Yes, he was. You seem very happy out there.”

“Yeah, it’s...it’s really great. I never thought I’d--- actually get back out into the world.”

“It is quite nice, yes.”

This time, a much more comfortable silence fell upon the two. He glanced up at the stars a few times, enjoying the pristine, calming sight. Typically in Tenebre, the view had always been clouded, or not as wonderful as right here. It nearly made the man want to wish for night to never end, just to keep the view forever.

“Do you remember a few weeks ago?” The Camerlengo suddenly snickered, eyes glinting playfully.

“...Ugh how could I forget? You embarrassed me for a joke!” Patronio groaned in response, feeling his face go a light shade of red, “It wasn’t funny.”

“Oh no, no. He was very sincere in his gift!” The other laughed at the jester as his face went several shades darker, “It was just the joke was also too good to pass up.”

What? … He coughed slightly, unable to exactly come up with a real response. Fidgeting slightly with his cloak and scarf, he slowly lowered the lower half of his face into the fabric, eyes darting away back towards the village.

What was he supposed to say to that?

That could mean any number of things! Why did this simple minded fool think that would help the awkward situation at all? Patronio furrowed his eye brows a bit, tucking his arms into the red fabric of his cloak, staring a hole into the ground. He couldn’t fathom this nonsense.

“Patronio? Are you alright? You seem embarrassed...again.”

He squinted at the laughter that had followed the question. The taller man was doing it on purpose!

“You! I-,” The jester stumbled slightly, “Stop messing with me!”

The boisterous laughter and pinch to his cheek caused him to grumble, listening as the Camerlengo spoke again.

“Ahaha, He is sorry, you are just very funny.”

“Shut up!” Patronio balled his fists softly, pushing the larger man over into the grass, continuing when the laughter continued, “Stop it! Embarrassing me isn’t funny! What do you even mean you were ‘sincere’? You just admitting to finding this funny!”

“Heheh...No, no! He was, he was,” The Camerlengo wiped a tear from his eye, sitting back up slowly, “Your responses are just...cute! That is all.”

CUTE?

He quickly fidgeted, spinning to face away with arms crossed, fingers digging into his arms. This was-- UTTERLY embarrassing.

“Aww, are you alright?”

The jester tensed a little at the feeling of being hugged from behind. He could feel the smugness of his companion, hiding a hiss as the other’s chin rested upon his shoulder.

“Okay, sorry~ He will stop teasing now.”

That was definitely NOT a cease to the teasing speech. He just wanted to wipe the smug look off the other’s face--- Embarrass him just as much for this ridiculous display!

...Though kissing his cheek wasn’t exactly his first thought. It was just on impulse.

...Why did he do that?

Patronio’s eyes widened, quickly spinning around when he was let go, immediately beginning to sputter out a thousand apologies, pulling the scarf back over his face in shock. Why’d he do that why’d he do that??

He coughed a little, gauging the reaction of the other. The Camerlengo gaped, face flushing slightly to match his own deeply reddened cheeks. Oh god was he going to be mad? He shouldn’t have done this. This was an awful impulse response.

“O-Oh!” The taller man exclaimed, pitch slightly higher than normal, “...He surely was not expecting that!”

“I-I’m-- I’m so sorry I just-” What kind of excuse was he supposed to come up with? “You were embarrassing me and---  y’know-”

“Hahah...No, no need to apologize!”

With a slight yelp, the jester found himself tugged forwards by his hands, eyes darting in confusion and utter embarrassment. What was going on?

“...But I-i..I uh-”

“He knows what you did,” The other snickered, “That would be very hard to forget.”

“W...What are you doing?”

“Hmm..returning the gesture!”

A hand tugged gently at his scarf, causing him to furrow his brow in confusion, “Huh? Wh-”

Patronio was unable to finish his sentence, as a pair of lips quickly met his own. It was a very gentle, nervous kiss that only lasted about a second, but he was still utterly speechless and shocked by the action. He blinked once, then twice. What was-...what was that? He shook his head slightly, glancing up at the Camerlengo with confusion. The other seemed much more nervous now, as if gauging his reaction this time as he fidgeted with the cuff of his coat.

“...Cam?”

“Mhm?” His eyes darted away from the jester when he spoke, causing Patronio to half chuckle from the situation.

“...Was that sincere?”

“Ah- ahah….W...would you like it to have been?”

He tensed momentarily before slowly relaxing, offering a shy smile.

“Uh...Well...” the jester rubbed the back of his neck slightly, “...Yes. I think I would...”

“Oh! Oh great- he was-...worried--- it would have been too bold!”

Patronio snickered, sighing in exasperation as he slowly lowered his head against the other’s chest, “...Just stop embarrassing me already.”

[boymeetsweevil]

For science 1/7 -  (NSFW)

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings/Themes: masturbation (vaginal) & voyeurism, unrequited feelings, eventual sex. is this crack yet? lol there’s a plot i swear.

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

A/N: posting this now because I’ve been working on it on and off for like a month and im tired of looking at it and jk’s bday is coming up HAPPY BIRTHDAY JK and i’ll be too busy with school plus im almost 7k into the second chapter so..

part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

Your eyes burn in protest as you scroll to the top of your terminal window once more to search for the error that is fucking your code up. It’s been hours of work and you still haven’t managed to get your program to run even though the homework assignment is easy in theory. In fact it’s just like a problem that Jungkook said the professors would probably give you in your sophomore year, and here you are in your junior year seeing such an ‘easy’ question. With him, it had truly been easy, though. Jungkook was a better computer science teacher than any professor you’d ever encountered. Thinking back to early high school days has you smiling softly to yourself. 

You miss sitting closely together, heads sometimes touching, as you both bent over a problem while he explained why it looked hard, but was actually something you could do in your sleep. The wide smile he would give you when you completed competition questions in minimal time would always set your heart fluttering.

Your phone vibrating brings you back to reality. The caller ID reads ~JK~ and you swoop in to answer the call. If the time in the corner of your computer is right (and it is) he should have already opened his decision letter from the PhD department.

“Hey, what’s the verdict,” you ask as soon as you accept the call. You know there’s no other reason why he’d call you when you were supposed to meet up in a few hours for weekly game night.

“I got in,” his voice is soft, but you know him well enough to be able to hear the joy mixed in.

“Congratulations, Kook! That’s amazing, I knew you would get in, they’d be crazy not to accept you. Oh my god, we should celebrate.”

“Yeah, I was thinking maybe we could go out for drinks before heading back to mine to play tonight. You in?” Now you can practically hear the smile in his voice.

“Of course I’m in. Let me just pack up and I can meet you. Where are you--the department lounge? I’ll come over.”

“Actually,” his shy tone has you sitting down slowly, returning your jacket to where you had it slung over the back of your chair. “You don’t have to leave right away. I was gonna try and call Yoori. You know, to tell her the news. And then tell Tae and Hobi, of course.”

“Oh. Yeah, no, that makes total sense. I should probably finish this code for Choi’s class anyway. It’s due on Sunday, but I’m almost done. Might as well turn it in early once I find this error.” Your hand scrapes at the sides of your jeans, looking for something to grab at.

“Well then I guess I have time,” he chuckles, “Your typos are always so tiny that they take hours to find. Let’s meet up at the bar in 2 hours then?” 

You wince. Although it’s not at all a mean-spirited jab, you’re no longer in the mood for the friendly banter at the mention of Yoori, Jungkook’s long time unrequited love.

“Sure. See you then,” you hang up before he has the chance to say goodbye formally like he always insists on doing.

You put your phone down and berate yourself for getting distracted. If you were the brilliant Yoori, you wouldn’t have even made the typo in the first place. But you weren’t Yoori because you didn’t have the fortune of being born four years earlier and four times more beautiful, elegant, or intelligent. And you didn’t have the luck of being so much of a genius that you could skip years ahead of school like Jungkook either. So instead you would just have to chug along, always watching Jungkook chase Yoori.

You go back to scrolling through your code only to find the error a third of the way down. Jungkook was right, the typo was tiny--a misplaced equals sign. You sigh and run the code to make sure it’s perfect this time, and when it is you send it in to your professor to be graded. You consider heading home and using the extra time to make yourself look nice. Not that there was anything wrong with your oversized university t-shirt and jeans, but suddenly you think maybe things would be different for you with regards to your love life if you tried a little harder. You’re about to leave the library entrance that’s closest to your dorm, but you get a text from Jungkook.

6:41 - I called Yoori and she said she heard about my deal with RealiCorp and she wants to link up when she gets back on campus!

You narrow your eyes at the text. Jungkook had recently sold some software he developed to an up and coming gaming company that was supposed to make the imaging on immersion headsets better. He had made a pretty penny and was covertly offered a position at the company, but it was also a large victory for the computer science department at the university and his picture had been circulating around the department website for weeks. You suppose she finally saw it while she was taking a break from her research project off campus and decided to answer his calls for a change.

You text back what you hope sounds like a cheerful congratulation and decide to just go to the bar instead. What’s the harm in a few rounds before the rest of the crew arrives?

The harm would have been miniscule at most if you hadn’t been in your feelings, but when Jungkook, Tae, and Hobi arrive, you’re three rounds in and a little bit sloppy.

“Woah,” Hobi shouts, giving you a too strong pat on the back when he sits in the chair next to you. “Someone started a little early. What’s the occasion, are we celebrating something for you too?” Jungkook shakes his head with a sheepish smile and goes to sit beside you, away from Hoseok.

“Nope. Just getting ready for an evening with your loud ass.” He gives you a pretend pout and flags the bartender over. Tae sits next to him and gives you a little wave and smile.

“Two whiskeys, make mine a sour and make his straight. From the high shelf.”

“Hey now,” Taehyung’s eyes widen comically, “Are you forgetting that payday isn’t until next week? I’ll take the regular whiskey down there, please.”

“Don’t worry. Kookie said he was paying with his RealiCorp money,” Hoseok stage whispers into your ear, “He’ll probably cover your round too.”  You swat him away and turn to Jungkook, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“You know I’ll cover yours. The rest of them, I don’t know.”

“What? Come on, you’re the youngest,” Tae whines, less than satisfied with his cheap whiskey shot.

“Shouldn’t that mean you guys pay for me?”

“N-no! Because you’re actually our senior now. You’re graduating this year, I’m the oldest technically but I’m not graduating until next year. We know these two aren’t graduating until the year after that,” he points to you and Tae, “Plus, you’re going to the PhD program next year. You should definitely be paying for us.” Hoseok has a point, you and Tae nod sagely to back him up.

“Fine,” Jungkook sighs, pushing his thick glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I’m in a good mood, so why not.”

“I bet you are,” Tae’s grin is big and catlike in the low light of the bar. His gaze a little lewd. “I would be too if I was one step closer to finally bagging a girl like Yoori.”

You look down into your beer bottle, the green glass suddenly much more fascinating than the conversation at hand.

“Did you hear,”Hoseok turns toward you,”Yoori is gonna come back soon and when she does he’s gonna make her Mrs. Jeon.”

“I’ll be sure to throw rice during the wedding,” you snark. The bartender brings you a new beer without another word. Taehyung howls at your comment.

“I’d kill to have a wedding night with her.”

“Hell, I’d kill to have a bathroom stall night. With anyone,” Hoseok sighs, “It’s hard out here for a comp-sci major. Right, guys?”

You hum in agreement. It had been a while since you’d last gotten laid.

“You’re right. I can’t even remember that geology minor’s face. Do you remember her? What was her name? Mara? Kara?”

“Sara,” Hoseok provides with a grin, “I think she has a thing for comp-sci majors. Kook, you ever hook up with Sara?”

Jungkook shyly traces a finger around the rim of his empty vodka class. “I haven’t hooked up with anyone.”

“Ever?” You try to keep incredulity from bleeding into your question.

“Ever,” he nods. He hiccups a little and all of the sudden you totally believe that Jungkook is a virgin.

“Dude, wait, I thought you hooked up with that one chick at the music festival last spring. Am I the only one who saw her?” 

Tae nods in agreement. “Yeah, she gave you her hotel room key and everything.”

“It wasn’t like that. She told me her brother was there for a robotics tournament and I asked her if I could see the bot.”

You smile despite your sour mood. If there was one thing you loved about Jungkook it was his blind enthusiasm for STEM. Even if it made him a little oblivious to other things at times.

“Well, you better fix that whole virgin thing fast, bro. Chicks like Yoori probably want someone with experience. In more ways than one, if you catch my drift.” Hoseok nudges Tae with a wry smile.

“That’s not just a Yoori thing, most people don’t want to have to coddle someone in bed unless that’s, like, their kink or something,” you take a large swallow of beer.

“Wait,” Tae says, eyeing you like he’s had an epiphany, “You’re a girl--”

“Didn’t we establish this 2 years ago? When we met?”

“No, no, I mean you can help Kookie so he doesn’t drop the ball with Yoori.”

“Yeah, right,” you snort, “Help him how? Give him a sex-ed lecture?” You turn to laugh with Jungkook, but he’s looking at you seriously. Or as seriously as he can when he’s tipsy with unfocused eyes and blushing cheeks.

“You…don’t want to help me?” His voice sounds pathetic and small, making you feel bad instantly.

“Oh, Kook, it’s not that I don’t want to help you. But think about what that implies.”

“Is it because I’m a virgin?”

“Oh my god, Kook, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin don’t listen to us. We’re idiots.”

“Then why don’t you want to help me?”

Because I like you. You swallow hard, your throat suddenly dry. You obviously don’t say that, though. Instead you sit back in your bar stool.

“I-I would if I could, but I don’t know how to help you,” you finally say.

“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess the thought of being with Yoori makes me a little stupid.”

Desperately you search for a solution. Instead of finding one, you call the bartender back and order a round of tequila shots. Jungkook gives you a sad look but doesn’t ruin the mood by not taking a shot. You order two more rounds because somehow, even though he’s drunk, he still looks dejected. After your third shot you can’t stand the way his shoulder slump.

“You know what,” you slur loudly, drawing three pairs of eyes to your face lazily. “It’s getting late and we might not get to play Fortnite this weekend. Let’s all get to bed so we can be up early tomorrow to play.”

Tae points a wobbly finger in your direction, eyes suspicious. “When you say early, you mean after 2pm right?”

It takes twenty minutes for everyone to get their shit together enough to leave the bar. Tae and Hoseok keep losing each other in the bathroom. Jungkook keeps forgetting that he has to pay and tries to ask the bartender what he thinks about sub-atomic particle physics. Even though you’re drunk off your ass, you somehow manage to keep yourself responsible enough to wrangle Tae and Hobi out of the bathroom and guide Jungkook through the motions of swiping his card and signing the bill. The four of you then squeeze into the back of an uber. Hoseok whines about being lonely while sitting in the passenger’s seat. Jungkook’s bumps his hand against yours until he can firmly grasp it and get your attention before you pass out.

“Hey, can I sleep on the couch,” he whispers in your ear. His breath smells like alcohol and limes. You turn your head to chase the scent away and rest your head on his shoulder. You yawn.

“Sure. No problem, buddy.”

Your apartment is the first stop on the route and you launch yourself out the car and run up through your lobby and to the elevator to escape the cold of the air conditioner and the fluorescent lights. Jungkook lingers in the car until Tae pushes him out to make room for Hoseok.

“Kook,” Tae calls out as he helps Hoseok pour himself into the back seat.

“Wassap?”

“The only way to get good at sex is losta—lotta...lot’s a practish. Okay?”

“But-but…Who am I gonna practice with?”

Tae merely whistles and points a finger upward, gesturing to your illuminated window. The car pulls away and Jungkook sways unsteadily up onto the sidewalk with nausea clawing at his throat. Thinking of the stairs he’ll have to climb—because there’s no way in hell he’s taking the elevator, even in this state—he regrets not just going to his own first floor dorm. Does he really need to get sex counseling from you? There’s always porn, he muses before remembering the rant you’d gone on blaming porn for making a guy you’d been hooking up with try to do weird things in bed involving a summer squash. Looks like he’d have to rely on the real deal to get anywhere with Yoori. Oh, Yoori.

A shimmering vision of the beautiful girl with elegant eyes and an ever-painted smile floats in front of his hazy vision and gives him the strength he needs to hobble forward towards the lobby door with dedication.

Minutes ago you couldn’t wait to go to sleep, but as soon you unlocked your door and made it to your room, you were wide awake. Even brushing your teeth and stripping out of your jeans didn’t to tire you out.

“Fuck,” you groan. You throw yourself onto your bed and hope that the way the room spins will lull you to sleep but when the spinning stops, your eyes still won’t stay closed.

The clock resting on your desk across the room reads 1:48am. It’s already clear that you’re going to be hung over, but knowing that it won’t be cushioned by a nice long sleep before you have to go to yoga at 12 makes you want to cry. You desperately wrack your brain for all the remedies there are to make you sleepy. You just canceled your cable last week to save some money, so you can’t veg out in front of the TV. You’re lactose intolerant, so warm milk isn’t an option. You’d take a warm shower but you washed your hair already and if you go to bed with wet hair your mother’s voice will haunt you all night with stories of the cold coming your way. Kicking your feet in frustration, you toss yourself over the edge of the bed to hang. Maybe all the blood will flow to your head and you’ll pass out.

You’re about to risk passing out and landing on your neck the wrong way and dying when a bright pink shoebox under your bed catches your eye. Of course, you think, how could you forget your precious vibrator. Luckily for you, a good orgasm or three always managed to knock you out like a light. You reach over and scoot the box forward with your outstretched fingertips until you get it close enough to reach inside and grab the petite tiffany blue bullet. Giddy laughter leaves your mouth as you heft yourself back onto your bed and fall back on the pillows with a contented sigh. Orgasms solve all your problems. You flick the device on to the lowest setting and ghost it against your clothed mound.

Jungkook is completely breathless as he leaves the center stairwell and finally arrives on your floor. The stairs were a bitch and a half, but your door is only two down from the floor entrance. He can practically hear the siren song of your pull-out couch. When he turns the knob to your front door, it doesn’t budge and he wonders if you must have locked it on instinct. There’s no way you forgot that he was staying over, he thinks to himself. Reaching above the doorjamb, he hunts for the spare key you left there especially for him. The door unlocks easily and he smiles to himself as he locks the door behind him and toes off his shoes. He’s about to face plant into the couch when you call his name faintly from your bedroom.

As he stumbles through the hallway slowly to your room, he thinks over what Taehyung said to him before driving off. To Jungkook’s drunk mind it makes sense, so it must be a good idea to seek sex practice from you. You’re the only girl he knows and he’s known you so long that he can already tell there would be no awkwardness. The sad look in your eyes as you listened to his predicament in the bar tells him that you want to help him, but you didn’t know what route to take. He flexes his hands by his sides and figures he’ll just tell you what Taehyung told him and get to coming up with a curriculum.

The door to your bedroom is half-open and the lights shine through the opening, so he figures you must be up and waiting for him. He can still hear you calling his name, but it still sounds oddly soft from where he is. He pushes the door open but freezes in his tracks when he sees you.

The first thing he notices is obviously the frantically moving hand you have between your legs and the loud buzzing sound that comes from it. He takes in more details the longer he looks. He realizes belatedly then that you’re not wearing pants. Thanks to the high prescription strength of his glasses, he can also see the way your hand and thighs shine and the huge dark spot in the crotch of your panties in the light of your table lamp. Your toes are curling and he can just make out the way your lower stomach clenches underneath the very same sweatshirt you’d been wearing to the bar. Technically he can’t see your other hand but he has a pretty good idea of where it is and what it might be doing with the way it disappears under your shirt. You can’t see him, though, because your head is thrown back and your eyes are closed. The only thing you’re probably at least partly aware of is the cacophony of wet sounds that come from where you work the nose of the toy over yourself. The last thing he notices is the way you call his name in a soft whining tone that has him stepping forward without thinking.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you whine as the slippery heel of your hand bumps against your covered clit a little roughly on an upstroke.

“Yes?”

“What the hell,” your eyes snap open and your head whips around to see him leaning on the door frame as he watches you.

His eyes are heavy with alcohol and his cheeks are just as pink as the lip he releases from the grasp of his teeth. He reaches out and stumbles forward, causing you to scramble back to distance yourself from him. You bring your knees up to hug to your chest before you realize that you’re still very much on show.

“Jeon Jungkook, what is going on here,” you shriek, bringing your hands to cover your eyes only makes you feel a little bit better.

He sits down on your bed like it’s any other day and he’s just chilling in the room like you invited him over. And then you realize that you did kind of invite him over as fragmented memories of the recent uber ride you took together spring up.

“You said you wanted to help me, but you didn’t know how. But Tae told me I just have to practish.”

“Practish?”

“Practice,” he corrects himself.

“Practice what?”

“Practice sex. Duh!”

“Jungkook, no!”

“Please? I wouldn’t be asking such a huge favor if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary.”

“Why can’t you just go to a frat party like everyone else?” 

Your heart is beating rapidly and you think maybe you’re not drunk anymore. Never in your life did you think you would turn down sex from Jungkook, but then again you never pictured it happening this way.

“Because I,” his head hangs and he starts to pick at a loose thread in your duvet, “I guess I missed out on this kind of thing when we were younger and I don’t think I could get very good results in a basement party. Plus, I know you’d…”

“I’d what?”

“You’d be good to me.” He lifts his eyes to lock with yours. His gaze is oddly sharp despite the fact that his skin is still clammy like it gets when he drinks.

Your breath hitches and for a moment it does feel like the fantasies you have almost every other time that you settle into your room, lonely and horny. Jungkook laughs bitterly to himself and you can feel your resolve crumbling as something selfish rears its head in the back of your mind. He tries one last time. 

“Please?” 

You crack.

“Okay.”

“Really?” His eyes light up once more as he gives you a blinding smile. “Great. Let’s start!”

It feels as though you’re having an out of body experience as you watch him clamber closer onto the bed with you. Your legs naturally open to accommodate him and he scoots into your space, his hands falling to naturally stroke with the soft skin of your ankles. Even though he lacks experience, Jungkook has a leg up in that he’s naturally on the affectionate side. Something you can’t teach with any amount of practice. Even still, the idea that Jungkook will be sitting between your naked thighs makes your stomach do flip flops.You barely start formulating something to say that will sound educational when you hear him get ready to interject once more.

“God, what is it?” You worry that if he interrupts you one more time you’ll lose your nerve.

“I need a visual aid. And, uh, I won’t be able to see because of your, uh, undergarments.”

You’re certain that you’ve never taken anything off faster than you do in that moment. The panties fly into some far corner of your room and you can only hope that they don’t land in a clump of dust bunnies.

“Alright,” you stutter, “I don’t have to give you an anatomy lesson, right? Please tell me you at least know where everything is.”

“We took anatomy together in 7th grade,” he says like that’s a decent answer.

You roll your eyes. “Right, okay. Anatomy lesson it is.”

“What’s this,” you point at yourself.

“That’s the uh…entrance to the vagina?”

“Ok and?”

“It’s where the pleasure comes from?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes?”

“Partial credit.”

“Isn’t that where the…phallus goes, though?” You decide it would be best to ignore his word choice for now.

“Yeah, I mean stuff goes in there but that’s not where all the pleasure comes from. For some people that’s not where any of it comes from.”

His eyes widen nervously. “Then where does it come from if not from penetration?”

You gesture again. “This is the clitoris.” His sweaty bangs flop over his lenses as he nods enthusiastically. Finally something he remembers.

“The clitoris,” he chirps affirmatively. You side eye him, but keep going.

“This little thing is basically there for the sole purpose of pleasure.”

“How do I activate it?” Again you blink at his terminology. Although you’d been a STEM freak with Jungkook for years, somehow he managed to baffle you with his nerdiness.

“Uh, you can stimulate it by touching it.” You draw a small circle in the air around the nub to demonstrate. “Like that, for example. You can also use your hands or your mouth.”

“Or that little blue thing you were using earlier,” he chimes in, reminding you of the embarrassing way this whole thing started.

You sigh. “Yeah. That too.”

“And that’s it?”

“No that’s definitely not it. We haven’t even touched the other places of pleasure or technique or foreplay. But this is a pretty good cheat code.”

“So what about the inside? Like the tubes?”

“There’s really not that much you need to know involving the actual reproductive organs themselves. We can just focus on the external bits for now.” You wince at how uncomfortable the discussion is.

“That makes sense,” his brows furrow seriously. He’s slow to blink, partly so he doesn’t miss anything and partly because he’s still fighting off tendrils of sleep.

“I mean,” you wring your hands anxiously, “that’s all you really need to know for now. It’s mostly learning on the go, anyway. You’ll be fine.”

“But what if I’m not fine. Don’t you think you could, you know, show me?”

“What is there to show?”

“How about you just continue…what you were doing when I came in.”

“Masturbating.”

“What?”

“I was masturbating when you came in.”

A hand flies to the collar of his shirt and he tugs on it sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

You try not to focus on how weirdly awkward the mood is now that your lust has calmed down to barely even a simmer. You reach for the discarded vibrator that jumped out of your hand and landed by the edge of the head of your bed, but he stops you with a raised hand.

“Can you, uh, maybe do it the old-fashioned way? For the first time at least?”

“Right, I guess I’ll get to it.”

Jungkook sits back on his heels patiently and watches closely as your hand trails a path down your torso to the apex of your thighs. The first touch, though you know it’s your own hand, has you twitching a bit. You bite your lip hard to focus and circle your entrance to coax out more moisture, then you move back to circle your clit. You close your eyes in hopes that not being able to see Jungkook’s gaping expression will help. It does, a bit. After a few moments, you let out a breathy sigh and sink further into the pillows. You plant one foot more firmly on the mattress to give yourself some leverage and push yourself more into your circling hand. The slight increase in pressure has you moaning and your eyes fluttering. You peek through heavy lids to see Jungkook’s expression has also changed. His eyes, clear just a second ago, look glassy again from behind his lenses, his mouth slack and shiny. The rise and fall of his chest is a bit heavier. You let yourself think it’s because of you and go back to collect more arousal to increase the slip.

Apparently, you’re more turned on than you thought. When your middle and ring fingers wander down to your hole they come back pleasantly slick. Something in you suddenly feels rebellious, so you use your free hand to spread your lips further and bring your coated fingers up to Jungkook’s face. You flex your fingers and separate them to show crystalline streaks of arousal connecting them.

“Just so you know, this is a good sign.”

Jungkook swallows hard. Somehow, even though you’re still wearing socks and a baggy sweatshirt, you’re hotter than all the completely bare, busty women he’d watched moan and writhe wildly on his computer screen. He reaches out and delicately grabs you wrist before redirecting your hand back to your dripping center.

“Keep going,” he rasps.

You whine and begin to rub your clit more earnestly, lewd wet sounds fill the room. He can practically see your lips getting wetter and wetter as you redistribute your arousal with every rough swipe of your fingers. Your wrist is moving fast, but it’s clear that you’re becoming frustrated with all that you can do with one hand. Your other hand quickly moves to take over making tight figure eights around your clit while the one already coated in your juices moves back down to your entrance once more. This time, you crook two shining fingers and shove them into your hole. Immediately your back bends and a drawn out moan leaves your mouth. Jungkook gasps quietly. You pump your fingers in and out roughly, then withdraw them to add a third finger.

He watches you like that for a while before you get fed up again. It’s been a while since you’ve been so needy and you feel like you’re on fire. Your toes curl impatiently on either side of Jungkook and he realizes you’re looking for more. On instinct he scoots further until his own legs are brushing up against the undersides of yours. His hand reaches out to pet your quivering thigh in a sympathetic effort to help with your plateau. He looks down at your hand, twitching feverishly in and out of yourself. His hands are much bigger and suddenly he moves like he’s about to replace your fingers with his own.

When Jungkook’s hands start to approach your center your breath hitches. You’re not quite in the right state of mind to reject him if he offers to finger you, but you don’t want to take advantage of the situation and make it any more emotionally complicated than it already is.

“Not yet,” you offer when his hands get too close for comfort, “Next time, maybe.”

He seems to be thinking the same thing and averts his attention to the forgotten vibrator. His grip on your thigh disappears, and you sigh quietly, but it’s hidden under the slick sounds you make each time your fingers get sucked into your heat and the low moans you make every time your pinch your clit just so.

“W-what do I do?” His voice is small and his sudden worried look has you wrapping a hand around his and bringing it to show him how you click the toy on and circle it around your entrance.

His hands are sweaty, shaky, so when your hips start to circle on their own, they move to find a resting spot on your thighs and squeeze to deal with the tension rising in his own belly. He grits his teeth, clenches his hands, does anything he can to keep from overstepping and making this about him. As obviously cliché as it sounds, seeing you sweating and moaning underneath him lets him see you in a new light. You’d always been around, but your presence as a woman in his life was backgrounded at best. Now, with Yoori momentarily not clouding his mind, he wants nothing more than to ravage you. He’s almost certain that if he tried, his lack of experience wouldn’t matter too much. He’s sure his body would be able to act on baser instinct and give you the what you wanted. If you wanted.

Your moans change in pitch and soon he’s aware that this will be the first time he’ll have been privy to someone else’s orgasm in real life. His dick is painfully hard and straining against the jeans he’s wearing. But he forgets the discomfort fast as he watches you grind yourself down against the toy in a way that is absolutely filthy. Your bottom lip, shiny and reddened, is pulled taut between your teeth in ecstasy. Your eyes flutter open and lock with his own. You focus and notice his blown-out pupils look huge within the depths of deep brown irises. There’s no denying he’s turned on once you flick your gaze down to his crotch and see the large tent in his pants.

“I—I think I’m gonna…Oh!” Your leg kicks out on its own like some electric current runs through you. Your voice breaks as the waves of your approaching high begin to take over you. One of his hands inches upwards a bit and strokes the tense muscle near your groin softly, at a loss for words. “Oh god, Jungkook, you—” keening, your eyes roll into the back of your head.

One of your hands reaches up to squeeze at his bicep as he’s leaning over you. He wonders in the back of his mind when he got so close to you. Your leg hooks around him like it has a mind of it’s own and tugs him down, forcing him to topple over you. That’s the last straw and you sob from the intense pleasure. Meanwhile your warmth and proximity and your words prove to be a deadly combination and within seconds he’s spilling over himself in his boxers, untouched. He lets out a low groan that puffs against the side of your neck.

You both sit there and breathe for a long while, catching your breath and coming back down to earth. He sits up eventually and pulls away from you, leaving you cold. Your legs flop from around him heavily. You’re a bit irritated when you realize you won’t be able to walk normally for a while. He discretely wipes his hands off on your duvet while you wipe at the sweat soaking your hairline.

“That’s it, that’s the show,” you finally say.

He shoots up and looks at you anxiously. It’s cute. “You mean until next time, right?”

His eyes are wide and imploring as he hovers over by you. He looks a bit like a turtle from this angle. A cute one, though. One that you want to play with again next week. You nod even though he might have all that he needs to do well with Yoori, being the fast learner that he is.

“I guess so. Same time, next week. Do some research for next time maybe. Make sure it’s from something not involving the medical library.”

“Got it!” He turns and waits until you’re not looking to adjust his pants.

You notice his hair is sticking to his forehead when he finally stands up. And there’s a cowlick sticking up in the back that reminds you of middle school Jungkook, before he met Yoori. The idea of the other girl, the girl he’s really in love with, dims your post-coital glow. Although, you suppose you have her to thank for this evening’s events. How else could you have ever managed a one-sided romp in the sheets with your long-time crush?

Both of you take turns using the bathroom to clean up. While he hums in time with washing up, you slip panties on and debate about whether or not to throw your sweats back on. You decide that if you’re going to play this off like it hasn’t changed your relationship, you should put pants back on.He comes out looking pink and clean and you want to pull him back into your bed and wrap yourself around him. 

To protect his glasses from the dangers of the bathroom, he left them in your room. Squinting, he walks with hands out to collect them. When he puts them on he doesn’t look at you and instead pulls his phone out of his pocket and swipes around while leaving the room.

“Heading out,” you ask with a quasi-disinterested tone.

“Yeah, I remembered I have to run the Saturday tutoring session this week. So I might as well go home so I can get ready for that. You should come, you know. Your test scores dropped 2 points this week.” Typical Jungkook. He couldn’t ever fully leave TA mode.

You roll your eyes. “Thanks for the reminder, but that’s still an A.”

“Maybe we can try this again next week the same time?”

“Yeah, uh, okay.”

“Cool, I’ll put it on my calendar.” He lifts his phone to his face to tell the digital assistant to pencil you in for next week. You try not to grimace at becoming a date in his calendar app.

“Get out already, you nerd.” You push him out after he puts his coat back on, but you do watch out the window to make sure his taxi comes.

[songofadaydream]

my real-time thoughts on rocketman the 4th time I’ve seen it in total and 2nd time this week, let’s go bois *very long post warning*

fair warning I just finished jojo rabbit less than an hour ago and it was way more emotional than I expected, so she’s probably going to be an emotional wreck tonight ladies!! :)) also, I will be pausing the movie throughout! just wanted to let you know

starting the night out right with some lay’s salt and vinegar chips and a lush face mask

not even a part of the movie but when the studio logos come on a version of goodbye yellow brick road and just *french kiss*

it’s starting and I am here for it!!

taron comes looking like an icon and a snack. actually, a whole meal. the heart glasses omggg

“how long’s this gonna take.” “that’s really up to you.”

i never noticed this before but taron stares right into the camera as he introduces himself

“my name is elton hercules john. and I’m an alcoholic. and a cocaine addict. and a sex addict. and a bulimic. i’m also a shopaholic who was problems with weed, prescription drugs, and anger management.”

“well my dealer was out of town I thought this seemed like a good alternative,”

“and I wanted to get better.”

um the transition into the full on musical number of the bitch is back.

this tiny little child actor playing elton saying bitch 10 million times. props to his parents for letting him do that.

um also his riffs??

just the way his mom says, “love to.”

god his dad is a DOUCHE

“when are you going to hug me”🥺🥺

the flashlight conducting scene!! they’re playing rocketman and it’s so beautiful and cute!! whe lil reggie/elton gets on the mini piano oh my god

when he looks at his mom’s fashion magazines...gay fashion icon beginnings...

*looks up* “can we go home,”

he starts playing his teacher’s song and she’s just like 😦😦

idk if this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t really like the I want love scene. I just don’t really like the switching of singer, the arrangement, and tempo. just my opinion though :/ also that’s the only weak scene of this movie I think

elton’s grandmother appreciation post send tweet

that last I want love though.

when his mom is clearly getting it on in a car and her date is like, “I’m..,,..a friend of.,.,,..your mum’s,.,,”

his dad leaves. heartbreaking!

when he wipes the tear away...

“i discovered records. and rock and roll :)”

playing classical music with an elvis presley haircut is an aesthetic no I don’t take criticism

“excuse me. you can’t put that there,” “why not,” “it’ll get knocked off.”

when he transforms into teenage elton and an amazing musical/dance number starts

that face taron makes when the door shuts on the car

“it’s not just your name. you gotta kill the person you were born to be in order to become the person you wanna be.”

that kiss with one of the band members is so hot.

peeing in a bottle in disgusting I’m sorry.

“what’d you say your name was again?” “elton.” “elton. elton what.” “john. elton john.”

ray is cute af. also the transcendental moment when he hands elton the envelope with bernie’s lyrics in it.

“one frothy coffee, no froth.”

jamie is so cute what the heckkkk

singing streets of loredo in a cafe is so wholesome and adorable

holy sHIT BORDER SONG IS STARTING

bernie and elton are literally so cute together as friends omg

also completely digging these like early 70s silk scarf things.

“yeah I could just take those songs and leave if you like,”

“what about the fact that you’re a f*g...your little friend here...is a homosexual.”

bernie not caring whether or not elton is is gay is Peak Pure ™

“oH fUcK”

when they stumble home drunk. the cuteness I can’t.

“you are a ssshhHHITT hot piano player, you have an aMAZING voice, and I’m telling you there is something special that happens...when you sing our songs.”

the way the two handle elton’s leaning in for a kiss is SO GOOD and I could write an entire essay on it. “we became inseparable after that. the brother I never had.”

“anyway I took his advice. told arabella. she took it quite well actually,” *cut to her throwing his piano out the window* “sHe KiLlEd mY pIaNo”

your song and everything about that scene is perfection. that’s all I have to say.

“you can’t just sPRING the troubadour on me.”

“put on a great

fucking

show. and just don’t kill yourself with drugs?”

amoreena is so good how didn’t I realize this until now!

doug flirting w/bernie kills me every time.

“ooh dude. what the hell’re you wearing?”

“my stage gear.”

*bernie stumbles in drunk* “reggie! reggie reggie. neil diamond is at the bar he’s talkin to leon russell and half the fuckin beach boys eh??”

“jesus sHIT bernie,”

that little, “well come on then,” after being yelled by bernie & ray

“please welcome all the way from london, england...”

ELTON JOHN

when he starts singing it’s like the smoothest molasses ever and I am HERE for it.

there’s an interview where taron says, and I quote, “those dungarees made my ass look massive” wholeheartedly agree my guy. but in best way possible

when they start floating

elton’s jacket and the magic that is the entirety of tiny dancer <3 <3

there’s a whole ass bed in a tipi?? what the hell

“so you like the songs then?” “not quite as much as the singer,” OH SHIT THE GAY TENSION

“there are moments in a rockstar’s life that defines who he is...and it’s going to be a wild ride,”

it’s a weird scene to like but I really love the take me to the pilot love scene. the song is so good and perfect for that moment, and they seem genuinely attracted to each other (even though john ends up being a huge dick later)

the way he takes the glasses off

the lil race to get their pants off is weird but it works

elton just seems so happy and content at the end and it’s so refreshing.

when he gets the shoes and the glasses <3

he looks so happy and fulfilled my little boy

why is it so cute when he and Kiki record don’t go breaking my heart

elton stops it the SECOND he sees John oh my goddd

kiki’s little “ough” when she sees john

“elton what’s going on are we going again or should we go for a pint,” *sees john walk into the closet* “yeah no yeah you should go for a pint”

HONKY CAT IS ONE OF IF NOT THE BEST SCENES/SONGS IN THE ENTIRE FILM THERE I SAID IT

cocaine induced head butt of a soccer ball is iconic

why did they have to get rid of rayyyy

the, “best of luck to you elton,” is so bitter yet genuinely well-wishing??

“welp...that was *absolutely* horrible,” is such a mood

the scene where he goes to come out to his dad is so incredibly heartbreaking, especially when it cuts to him in rehab.

taron deserves an oscar just for throwing that chair alone.

“what have you got to do the get a fucking drink around here, eh?” and then he takes a swig from a bottle in the car with john

when he calls his mom to come out. that shit hurts.

“i just hope you realize you’re choosing a life of being alone forever...you’ll never be loved properly.” he opens his mouth. it’s so awful guys. and then he fucking gets punched by john what an absolute dick.

“real love’s hard to come by. so you find a way to cope without it.”

the scene that comes right after that when he’s getting ready for his show and snorts cocaine and takes a swig of a drink really shows how far off the deep end he had gone. it’s heartbreaking, really.

“PEOPLE DON’T PAY TO SEE rEgInALd dWiGhT THEY PAY TO SEE ELTON JOHN. DON’T EVER TELL ME HOW TO DO MY FUCKING JOB.” “WRITE THE FUCKING LYRICS, BERNIE. LET ME DEAL WITH THE REST,” “i’m sorry,” “i know.”

that headdress tho

ok but pinball wizard absolutely slaps and so does the montage with all of his changing outfits

oh my god the drag queen in his room though

NONONONO JOHN IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE FUCKING CHEATING ON HIM IT IS NOT OKAY.

what an inconvenient time for his mom to waltz in

“and what a shy little boy you were! look at you now.”

“mum you’re ON my GOWN,”

i wish i were as cool as bernie getting out of that car and coming inside

“yEaGhHhH...go get a lil drink. yehyeh,”

get ready for one of the most impactful scenes of 2019 if not the 2010s ladies

“FOR MY NEXT TRICK i’m gonna fucking kill myself.”

again, I could write an entire essay on this but the fact that he is literally hitting rock bottom with his childhood self down there is so impactful and powerful and one of the greatest artistic choices they made in this film. also the cinematography is gorgeous.

and oh, by the way, taron actually performed this underwater. no cgi or special effects. where is his oscar.

john is a dick to him on the stretcher but bernie looks so genuinely concerned for his friend and I love that.

it is absolutely gut wrenching when they pump his stomach.

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND ANGLES AND SILHOUETTES WHEN IT GETS TO THE BIG CHORUS PART IS SO SO SO INCREDIBLY GOOD AND AMAZING AND I WILL NEVER, EVER GET OVER IT.

the nurses getting him ready for what was probably his biggest/most iconic performance to date is something so incredible, and such a great choice cinematically, story wise, and really emotion wise too. he was at his absolute rock bottom and did one of if not the most iconic performance a little over 24hrs later, and I think this little part really helps to illustrate that.

taron actually hit that baseball and I’m so proud of him for it.

the liftoff is so great. and then it cuts to him in a plane with smoke on his head which just. ugh.

hot take: elton’s addiction wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he had just gone to bernie’s fucking ranch with him

THE QUEEN OUTFIT IS SO ICONIC IM SORRY

also if this movie doesn’t win the goddamn best costume design I swear to god.

YES BENNIE AND THE JETSSSSS

this is also such a great scene as well omg.

when he flashbacks to his childhood and difficult and also great moments in his life during this sequence. that hit hard.

i feel like no one talks about taron’s arms enough? they as thiccc as his thighs why y’all sleeping on them

“You signed a contract with me years ago, so I’ll still be collecting my 20% long after you’ve killed yourself.” that’s cold as hell.

when he throws that glass at the door. and then victim of love starts playing straight afterwards UGH dexter fletcher you need to STOP and CALM DOWN

listen I don’t know elton was thinking and/or feeling in terms of life and his sexuality when he decided to marry renata but can we talk about his wedding outfit?? wtffff it’s so gay and if you don’t see it you’re blind.

the look his mom gives him I’m DEAD

they literally had separate rooms this was not a normal marriage. the breakfast scene is so sad though.

“did being married make you happy?” “not really, I’m gay.” hands down one of the most iconic lines in the entire movie.

why does he have sperm on this firework suit coat.

“you know I am so sick of running away from who I am.”

the way his voice wavers and cracks is not okay. and neither is his mom twisting everything around so that she’s made out to be the victim. and don’t cry in the bathroom elton please buddy. you’ll be okay.

“campaign to kill yourself is going well, eh?”

“when did you give up? if you don’t care about yourself how can you expect anyone else to...it’s not weak to ask for help.”

goodbye yellow brick road is such a beautiful song and scene and why didn’t we get Jamie to sing more I mean come on he does so incredibly well in this scene.

also I didn’t really realize that they flipped a few verses around for the movie. and elton yelling and screaming at bernie as he leaves is so powerful.

elton yelling at himself.

this is also when he has a heart attack?? chest infection?? I don’t really know but he falls down the stairs and Mr. Dick Manager John makes him continue to perform.

and there he is in the first scene’s costume. singing the rest of yellow brick road.

and there he goes. off to rehab. a full circle moment. good for him for finally taking control of his life and addictions.

“yeah but I started acting like a c*nt in 1975. I just forgot to stop.”

“maybe I should’ve tried to be more ordinary.” his grandmother walks in. “he was never ordinary.” my. heart. can. not. take. this.

this next scene where he talks to everyone in his mind is incredibly powerful and I will shout it from the rooftops until the end of time.

“my problem is that I believed you loved me. and you’re incapable of it.” the SHADE

“actually I think I’m okay with strange.”

BERNIE COMES IN MY LOVE

“bernie...I never told you how much I need you.” shit fam here comes the waterworks

“you just need to remember who you are. and be okay with it.”

and then his childhood self comes in. “I haven’t been reggie Dwight for years.” “when are you going to hug me.” he engulfs his young self in a hug. this is one of the best moments of the film and I am now full on crying.

I can’t get over how wholesome bernie’s visit is with Elton. the sweetest thing ever.

“you’re not scared you’re not good without it, you’re scared to feel again...this is the part you gotta do on your own. these...need music”

“thank you bernie.” “you’re my brother.” <3

and then he finally sits down to write again. and it’s pure magic.

I’m still standing is a a feat of what he’s been through the entire movie. finally, he’s sober, he’s accepting of himself/his sexuality, and is getting to a better place. plus, it mirrors the original music video, and is everything I’ve ever needed and more. *the* perfect scene and song to end upon.

he’s so happy at the end. and then the epilogue starts and says he’s been sober for 28 years and counting, set up an aids charity, still writes with bernie, met his husband David 25 years ago and is finally loved properly (rip my heart out of my chest, why don’t you), has two sons and is retiring from touring. and and the I’m gonna love me again plays with him and taron and it’s just such a perfect song to end, and I can’t.

so. those are my thought while watching rocketman for the 4th time in total, 2nd time this week. sorry that’s it’s so long. I just love this film so much. anyways, it’s almost 2am and I’m an emotional wreck. I’m gonna go cry and go to bed now. thanks for making it this far. :) <3

[kkaebsongtypo]

Sooner // Lee Jeno

(A/N: oh my gosh y'all, i haven't written bullet point in so long TT also, i wrote this scenario literally like 8 months ago. I typed it out 8 months ago too, but it got lost in the damn void and i just haven't gotten a chance to actually retype it all. Anyways, another addition to my soulmate series! i hope y'all enjoy ;3)

pairing: jeno x reader

genre: fluffy fluff :33

warnings/notes: i really don't remeber if there's cursing in here or not

word count: 905

Theme/Summary:

Red string au

people you have a connection with can see your string (strong friendship, close family)

your soulmate can't until you're together

jeno is lee jeno from nct

OKAY START!

so as a kid you always wondered where your soulmate was

your best friend always told you what direction your string went

after realizing how long your string could actually be

you started to think that your soulmate was all the way across the world

spoiler: he is

after a few years

you lowkey stopped searching for your soulmate and decided to let the "natural destiny pull" bring you two together

one day

you're like 14 now

when you get to school, your best friend is like

"hey, there's this kpop group called EXO"

AND BOOM

now you like kpop

so after that day

you've been learning korean

and after about 2 years, you and your best friend reletivly fluent

your best friend got tickets to an NCT showcse in Seoul

so you listened to some of their songs

but with 18 members, you didn't really remember their names

so you two fly to Korea

and on the day of the showcase

y'all leave early

(to avoid the crowds and such)

you get to your seats

you're in like the third row

as you wait you just kind of sit and chat until the show starts

(OH YEAH. once you're within a certain distance of your soulmate, you can feel your string move as your soulmate moves.)

backstage

jeno peeks to see the arena

and all of a sudden Mark just freaks out

"jeNO YOUR STRING IS MOVING"

at first, jeno is a little confused

"what?!"

so mark followed the string with his eyes

and he sees it fall into the crowd

his eyes light up and he looks back to jeno like

"dude, she's in the crowd!!"

now, jeno starts to get nervous

HIS SOULMATE IS IN THE CROWD

WHAT IF HE FUCKS UP?!

(he won't though obviously)

DREAM opened with WE YOUNG

and the whole time it was a little difficult for jeno to move smoothly

because of the string

it was kind of restraining

it was harder for you though

your arm was getting pulled back and forth every time he moved

your best friend was laughing at you

because of how much distress you were in

but she was also really excited for you

lee jeno is your soulmate

when they finished the first song

they did their introductions and continued the show

when they went for a clothing change

mark told a security gaurd what you and your friend were wearing

so they could identify you

so when the gaurd comes over to you two, your kind of nervous

but the gaurd is just like

"excuse me, can you two follow me please"

you're just like afraid because you might be in trouble or something

but you two comply and follow him

all of a sudden you're backstage

and your friend just smacks your arm and nods over there

when you look over to where she's signaling

and you lock eyes with jeno

then there's that "instant soulmate connection"

you friend decides to SHOVE YOU TOWARDS HIM

and mark does the same to jeno

but harder

so he almost falls

but you stick your hands out and lowkey catch him

he grabbed your hands on his way down too

reflexes, y'know

but he let's go once he regains his balance

and he's all embarassed

then you feel something tighten around your finger

you and jeno both look down

and you see a white string appearing

it was short and connected both of your index fingers to one another

mark and your friend are dying over in the corner over how cute the scene between their friends is

because now you and jeno look at each other again

and you break the silence with a shy smile

"um hi,,,,,, i'm Y/N,, your soulmate?"

",,,, what's your name?"

jeno is kind of confused again

"i'm jeno? from nct.. i thought you knew that considering you came to the showcase.."

as he's scratching the back of his neck nervously you answer

"well, i didn't know that. my friend made me come today."

jeno frowns a little bit because now he's kind of under the immpression that you don't like them

but you catch that and quickly add to it

"but i'm kind of upset that i didn't know about you guys sooner, you guys are amazing."

and so he smiles at you

you smile back and lowkey admire his eye smile

he's a little more confident now so he's like

"well, maybe we should go on a date and get to know each other."

you agree of course

(this boy is actually really sweet, and really cute so)

their manager comes up though and tells them that they go back on in 5

so jeno looks back at you and gives you some intructions

"wait at your seat after the show. someone will bring you back here and we can take some more, okay?"

his eye smile returns when you nod and smile up at him

he gets a gaurd to take you and your friend back to your seats

and you two enjoy the rest of the showcase

it's almost like you're front and center to jeno now

your eyes are glued to him for the remainder of it

at the end, after their outros, you clapped and cheered with the rest of the audience

jeno made eye contact with you before the lights went off and they exited the stage

one moment closer to seeing your soulmate again.

If y'all want like a later on serise with these soulmate au's then send some requests because not all of them are really fluffy and I'm a huge fluff ball aha. anyways, i hope you enjoyed and im going to post the Jaemin one tomorrow because i realized that i actually wrote one!! ~ Jae☾

soulmate series

Renjun ☾ | Mark ☾ | Haechan ☾ | Jaemin ☾ |

Masterlist

[wanna-17]

lai guanlin first meeting! AU

summary: in which you meet the new guy from taipei in your neighbourhood at the park playing basketball and you help him overcome his language barrier ft. seonho

length: 1.3k

a/n: i just saw wanna one yesterday at kcon and they are amazing. i have a fan account coming up soon basically i had hi touch with them (as well as monsta x, sf9, pentagon - i’ll explain why i got so many without spending any money) im also hardcore monobebe now rip me hyungwon was so smiley during hi touch omg and changkyun and kihyun are perfect. i wrote this a while ago lol so its not edited. but HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUANLIN (i told him this in chinese but no idea if he replied) im so hekjdqekjfheq post concert depression is peeking i stan all the groups that were at kcon now ;;; thats like 30 groups i stan in total now rip me 

note: normal font is speaking in korean and italics is speaking in chinese 

you’ve been living in seoul for 2 years already

you were born in australia and from there you had lived in hong kong and france 

and hence you could speak 4 languages fluently; english, korean, chinese and french 

your mum was chinese and your dad was half korean and half french 

people were always in awe of how “cool” your ethnicity was and you definitely agreed it was unique

but you didn’t like how once you finally had settled into a new country, you’d have to move to another and try to adapt again

and it was also really easy to lose touch with the friends you’d made

anyways enough of that lmao

you are now living in the city of seoul in korea 

and you were lucky that you fitted in quite well and your neighbour was yoo seonho who was probably the most outgoing kid ever who knew literally everyone 

so he basically introduced you to everyone 

he was one year younger than you but very smart so you guys were in the same grade 

you two would often walk home together and crash each other’s houses to do  homework together

anyways back on track AGAIN i need help lmao 

it was almost the start of the new school year 

and one week before school started again 

you were collecting the mail from the letterbox when seonho happened to be heading out 

he saw you and waved

“hey y/n!!!!!!”

you waved back “hey seonho” 

“omg i almost forgot to ask you, do you wanna come to the park right now?”

“right now? why?” you asked

“you haven’t met the new guy here, lai guanlin right?” asked seonho as he pronounced lai guanlin with an awkward accent that was mixed with korean and chinese 

“uhhh lai guanlin? that’s a chinese name” you replied 

“yes yes stop showing off your chinese y/n” replied seonho rolling his eyes 

you laughed, since seonho could only speak korean you sometimes taught him some chinese and he just sounded super funny whenever he spoke chinese 

“well what about this lai guanlin dude?” you asked seonho going back on topic

“you have to meet him y/n, he’s from  taiwan and he’ll be coming to our school” replied seonho

“oh thats nice,” you answered in a half hearted tone not really interested 

“y/n!!!” whined seonho

“what” 

“you have to meet him because he’s basically a super star and he’s playing basketball at the park today” 

“a super star? what do you mean?”

“he’s super good looking” 

you sighed seonho knew you liked any guy that was good looking even though nothing ever worked out between your previous crushes because they either were 1) taken or 2) had crappy personalities 

he’d always try to matchmake you off lmao and you’d do the same to him 

“how good looking is he?” you asked jokingly

“HES MORE HANDSOME THAN ME” said seonho proudly as he thumped his chest loudly 

you scoffed, “whatever dude not interested” as you decided to head back inside to finish watching the new variety show you had started earlier that day 

“no seriously, i even ship you guys already, he’s so good looking. i’ll shout you fried chicken tonight, that’s how desperate i am” said seonho 

it was unusual for seonho to offer to shout you fried chicken so you reluctantly agreed and before you knew it, seonho was dragging you to the park and you couldn’t even change out of your trackies into something more presentable 

you guys arrived at the park and before approaching the basketball courts, seonho first pulled you behind a tree

“seonho why the heck are we hiding behind a tree?” you asked sighing at seonho’s actions

“you need mental preparation beforehand because he’s really handsome, too hot for you to handle” 

“pfffffttt” 

“there he is! the tall one with black hair!” whispered seonho pointing towards the basketball courts, you rolled your eyes ready to be disappointed 

seonho would always claim a guy was good looking and whenever you checked them out, they were just really average so you were literally only at the park for the free fried chicken shout afterwards

you turned around eyes following where seonho was pointing at and your brain froze

there playing basketball on the court was the most gorgeous guy you’d ever laid eyes on

his hair was a natural black colour, his body was lean and slightly muscular, he had pale skin that was literally glowing in the sunlight

he also had a slight dimple poking out on one side of his cheek when he smiled, nice lips, a high nose, and the way his beautiful eyes were determined yet mesmerising when shooting the ball in the hoop

you gawked at his handsomeness for a good minute same with seonho lmao this kid

before seonho nudged you, “see he’s good right?”

“yes” you reply immediately almost breathless as your breath was literally taken away by his beauty 

but you thought of your previous good looking crushes and tried to come back to reality even though you could feel your heart racing 

“nah but he probably has a crap personality, since all of the good looking guys do” you say 

“no no he’s super down to earth, let me introduce you to him!” says seonho and before you get to reply

seonho is dragging you to the courts 

“HEY GUANLIN” yells seonho 

guanlin stops playing basketball and looks over at you guys while waving to seonho 

you awkwardly look away feeling shy as he approached closer 

“guanlin, this is y/n who i told you about and y/n this is guanlin the super star,” says seonho 

“seriously seonho don’t call me that!” says guanlin as seonho laughed

you were once again mesmerised because guanlin’s voice was so nice, it was like  mixture of deep but also sweet???

“what did you say about me seonho?” you mutter

“seonho said you were happy to tutor me korean if thats ok?” replies guanlin 

“uh wait what” you say confused

“oh no it’s ok if you don’t want to i understand,” says guanlin quickly 

“but you’d be happy to right?” chimes seonho mischievously 

“seonho didn’t tell you that?” asks guanlin as he had paused to catch on with what seonho was saying 

you shake your head

“seonho is such an idiot” says guanlin smiling widely revealing a gummy smile

which you literally found to be the cutest smile ever 

“yep he’s the biggest idiot ever” you reply

“what did you say???” asks seonho confused looking between you two

you and guanlin laugh making eye contact 

and you feel all warm and fuzzy inside kjahkdquhfqllqqhk

“don’t you worry” you reply chuckling at seonho

“well looks like you two can have your alone time since you don’t need me anymore” pouts seonho as you and guanlin start blushing heheheh 

seonho steals the basketball guanlin is holding and runs off to the courts

and you feel your heart racing again because you’re now alone with guanlin even though seonho is really only 5 metres away lmao 

you guys both feel the awkwardness but for some reason feel warm inside

and like guanlin is really tall so he’s sort of towering over you but it feels protective???

anyways you decide to muster up your courage and say, “well i can tutor you in korean, when should we start?” you ask 

“really?? thank you so much y/n, i’m sorry this was unexpected and that seonho didn’t tell you” says guanlin

“that’s okay i’m happy to help you out!” you reply, blushing as you thought of tutoring such a handsome boy with such a great personality you were lowkey proud of yourself 

“thanks again y/n,” says guanlin, smiling softly down at you, once again revealing his gummy smile, “i have my books here, can we start now?”

“sure” you nod happily in response

this school year was going to be different, a very nice different..

lmao little did you know that seonho had shown guanlin your picture and guanlin insisted seonho to get you to tutor him heheh

hope you guys enjoyed this, I LOVE WANNA ONE SOBS I HOPE YOU ALL GET TO MEET THEM LIKE I DID 

[fionnmeetsharry]

Artist & Actor: Love isn’t for everyone

This is Chapter two of the artist actor series, i am working on all of your requests. This was requested by a couple of people so i went ahead and posted it. Enjoy!

He was truly brilliant, the way he would deliver his lines, how he would look so scared that you actually wanted to go out there and save him from this pretend fear that’s been created. He was going to be something big, you could tell, and so could the rest of the cast and crew.

“Y/N…Y/N”.

You turned around to come face to face with Candice, great what did she want?

“I’m gonna need you to cover your three and a good bit of the extras today, Emily’s out with a cold”.

“Who said, and why can’t you do it?”

Candice had hated you from day one, mostly because this was her fifth movie and your first, but Nathan and Chris saw something special in your work, making you the key makeup artist.

“Listen here little girl, I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you, which means I don’t have to answer to you. You may have Nolan and Nathan wrapped around your little finger, but if they so much as hear that a sneeze or cough came from you, you’re done. Wouldn’t want the main cast getting sick now would we”.

“Is that a threat?” You said voice full of venom.

“Let’s just call it a not so friendly warning”. And with that she was gone.

“C’mon mate just talk to her”. 

This was the third time Harry had asked Fionn to talk to you, and the third time Fionn was having to say no.

“Look Harry, I already tried that, and if you don’t remember it didn’t go so well for me, she probably thinks I’m a freak”.

“You’re seeing the situation as way worse than it actually was, I mean im not gonna lie to you, you weren’t the smoothest. Look just talk to her a few more times, get comfortable”. 

Fionn wasn’t having it, he just didn’t want to embarrass himself, he liked you too much to have you think of him negatively.

“I don’t know…”Fionn could see the hope in Harry’s eyes, why did he care so much anyway?

“She’s right over there touching up Toms makeup, I’m going to go over and see if she wants to join us for dinner tonight, you don’t have to say anything, but just don’t look like your in pain ok”.

Fionn rolled his eyes at Harry’s last comment as they headed towards you. You were touching up a whiny, impatient Toms makeup, full concentration on your face, creating the cutest little line in between your furrowed brows.

“Hello love, can we talk?” You examined Toms face one last time before looking at Harry. “Yea sure, Tom you’re done you can go”. Tom fled from you and your makeup that he hated ever so much, getting a smile out of Fionn. “So love, I was wondering if you would like to grab dinner with me and the lads tonight, it would be just the cast and crew hanging out, and of course Fionn will be there”. He said the last part in a sing song voice as he pointed to Fionn who was standing behind him.

“Harry…” You said with a warning tone, hoping that he wouldn’t let on to Fionn about your infatuation with him, hopefully he hasn’t already told him. You had already told the boy that he had a soothing voice and that his skin was pretty, so if he didn’t know by now surely he wouldn’t catch on to Harry’s hints.

“Fionn we need you on set”.

Fionn locked eyes with you, quickly looking away.

“Well I’ll umm…see you at dinner then. You are uhh…coming aren’t you?” He said as he scratched the back of his head trying his best to look you in the eyes.

“If I bet on it, she’ll be coming twice tonight”. Harry said as he winked at the two of you, hands buried deep in his pockets with a cheeky smirk on his face. You could feel the red quickly take over your cheeks, and you could see it on Fionns.

“Okay…well I better go”. Fionn quickly walked away, almost as fast as Tom, heading to set trying to escape the awkward situation that Harry created.

You slapped Harry’s arm with good force. “What the hell Harry, why would you say that?”

Harry faked as if he was hurt while he rubbed his arm where you hit it, a pout on his lips.

“What’d yeh do that for?”

“What did you make a crude remark for?” Harry looked as if he had no idea what you were talking about.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean love”.

All it took was one raised eyebrow from you to get him to suddenly remember.

“Ok I’m sorry, but look come to dinner tonight and wear something Fionn would like. Maybe something a little short, I think he’s a leg guy. But you know not something shorter than you’re comfortable with, should be yourself love”.

That was such a Harry thing to say, always making sure you know you only have to do what you’re comfortable with. That’s why you’re such good friends, he never pressures you into anything you didn’t want to do.

“Fine, I’ll come to dinner, and I’ll wear something short”.

“Y/N we need you for a touch up”. One of the crew members yelled.

“That’s my girl, but not shorter than you’re comfortable with”. Harry yelled at you as you ran on set to touch up Kenneth’s face. “What was all of that about?” Harry turned around to face Candice. He wished he hadn’t spent the energy turning around just for her, especially when he needed it for swimming.

“I’m not sure what your talking about, and you do know it’s rude to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations?”

“Oh please, like anything she says is worth eavesdropping on, but the one and only Harry Styles on the other hand-” Harry always tried to be nice to everyone, but Candice made it difficult, that’s why he usually avoids her. “ and the new kid…Fee-on is it?”

“It’s pronounced Finn” Harry said dryly getting bored by the lack of interesting conversation.

“Fionn, he seems like he’s going to be something big, like you. I bet you’re big in other ways too”.

Harry turned to face her fully, a disgusted look on his face as he tried to push the nausea down from her shameless flirting.

“So what, does she like this Fionn guy? Cause I think he’s kinda cute, and I always get what I want, that is unless you’re available”.

“Yea…no I gotta go”.

You were starting to pack up all the makeup from the day, leaving out only the makeup remover so you could quickly clean the boys faces as they trailed in.

“Hey Y/N, can you get this stuff off of my face now?”

You chuckled, Tom was a very patient person, sweet too, just didn’t like makeup. Toms face was about as close to perfect as you could get, insanely chiseled with no blemishes, if it wasn’t for him being seasick you probably wouldn’t have done anything to him at all.

“Yea, sure have a seat”.

Tom sat in your chair as you dabbed some pre-cleanse on a cotton ball, wiping all the makeup from his face. Several cotton balls later and you were done, Tom smiling and feeling his makeup free face.

“Thanks love”. Tom said as he kissed the top of your head quickly before rushing out of the trailer.

“Now don’t let Fionn see that, he may get jealous…on second thought maybe he should, then maybe he’d ask you out”.

Harry strolled into the trailer, shirt already removed and now seated in your chair. Before you knew it he had already grabbed a cotton ball and was spraying water on it in an attempt to unveil his hidden tattoos.

“Ok stop. What are you doing?”Harry continued without success wiping at his chest where his sparrow was hiding underneath.

“I already told you pet, I’m gonna get the two-”

“No no no Harry, I mean with that cotton ball that you put water on, that’s not going to do anything, look put that down”.

You grabbed fresh cotton balls and put the pre-cleanse on them, gently rubbing at Harry’s dirty, sweaty skin. “I also mean no as in I told you I’m not getting involved with anyone from set, I want to stay professional”.

Harry grabbed your wrist gently, making you stop your efforts at getting the thick cover up off of him. He looked you in the eyes, seriousness taking over his face.

“Y/N, I love you, you know that, even though we haven’t known each other for very long I do. I care about you too much to see you work your life away, you’re too young, you need to live and find love. Don’t ask me how I know cause I can’t explain it, but I know you and Fionn and meant to be together”.

You sighed, you hated it when Harry was this sweet. You and Harry’s relationship was full of sarcasm and banter, so when he was this caring you got shy.

“I love you too H. Ok whatever you want, you can help, I’ll let you”. Harry’s face lit up, two big dimples popping out from his cheeks.

“Thank you love, now get back to work, I want to see my tattoos”. Harry left a while ago, you had stayed behind to remove Fionns makeup for him, you had even removed a few extras, but Fionn still hadn’t shown up. Did Harry really make him that uncomfortable earlier? Just as you were about to grab your bag and leave you heard someone stumble into the trailer. “Sorry I’m late, Chris wanted to talk to me…hope I didn’t keep you”. He looked tired, worn out, like all he wanted was a nice hot shower, a warm meal, and a soft bed to snuggle up in.

“No, no not at all. I’ve been doing stuff so I was here anyway. Have a seat”.

Fionn pulled off his jacket, then removed the shirt that hung perfectly from his shoulders. You hadn’t meant to stare, but you couldn’t help it. He had the softest looking porcelain skin, and he was fit. When you first saw the boy he just seemed very lanky, which now you know isn’t true at all. Now all you could do was imagine the hot water of the shower hitting the tight muscles of his perfectly toned back, rolling down the pale skin releasing the tension from the rest of his muscled body. “Umm, are you ok?” Great, you were day dreaming and now you looked like a freak. He probably knew you you were thinking about him, but it’s his fault for taking his stupid shirt off. “Yea I’m fine, just tired I suppose”.

You grabbed the cotton ball and started to clean the boys face. You noticed that now he seemed more comfortable around you, he was actually looking you right in the eyes as you removed the makeup and sweat from his face.

“So how was your first day on set?” He smiled at you, happy to be having a conversation with someone other than Harry.

“It was good, I loved it, every bit of it. You know, I think I could just do this for the rest of my life and never get tired of it”.

You smiled at how he lit up when he talked about his job.

“It’s nice to know that it makes you happy, that you’re not just in it for the money or the fame”. “No, I’m most definitely not in it for those things. I mean don’t get me wrong fans are amazing people, and it’s nice to be able to buy things that you need without worry, but for me it’s more than that”.

You were now just sitting and staring into his beautiful eyes as you listened to him talk about what he loves. You think to yourself that this is what you love, you’re not sure why, but you love to hear him talk about his day, his job, what he likes to do.

“Oh yea, like what?”

Fionn bit his bottom lip, trying to keep from smiling as he pondered on it. “Like how I can be so many different people, my job is never the same. I can go and play things that don’t even exist if I want too. I can go and play someone from the past that I deeply admire, or be in a movie that has a meaning behind it. I could maybe even make a difference”.

You kneeled down so you were now eye level with him, a small smile on your lips.

“You know what Fionn Whitehead, I’m about 1000% sure you were meant for this, and you are going to go very far in this industry, just don’t let it change you”.

Fionns lips were slightly parted, he was listening to every word you said, but he couldn’t help but to stare at your lips.

“I won't”. He said softly as his eyes traveled back up to yours.

“Good. Well you’re all done”. Fionn got up from your chair taking as much time as possible so he could come up with something to bring up dinner, something so you knew he wanted you there.

“Y/N?”

“Yea?” He was now playing with his fingers as he looked down at the ground, nervous. He didn’t want to seem too eager and scare you off.

“Umm, you’re still coming to dinner right”. You had a looked unsure, like you may say no. It’s not that you didn’t want to go, you were just more tired than you thought you’d be.

“Cause I … I really want you to join us. I think it’d be fun, I could introduce you to all the guys…maybe buy you a drink”.

It was cute how shy he was being. You had a huge smile that was impossible for you to try and hide, and you suddenly didn’t feel as tired anymore.

“Yea, ok yea I’ll go, that sounds great!” Fionn looked up with surprise on his face, now beaming with happiness.

“You will?”

“Yea, as long as you hang out with me so I’m not alone, or forced to listen to Harry the whole time”.

“Deal. I’ll see you there”.

“Great”.

You walked through the hotel quickly jumping into the elevator and pushing the number to take you to your floor. As soon as the elevator comes to a stop, you hop out and head to your room, unlocking your door and entering in a panic. What were you going to wear? What were you going to do to your hair and makeup?

You started shuffling through all of the clothes that you brought, trying to take in consideration of what Harry said. You pull out a green sweater dress, fishnet stockings, and maroon velvet thigh high boots.

“There, that should give me more coverage”.

You jumped in the shower, trying to wash away the sand that had blown in your hair while on the beach today. You lathered your best smelling body wash into your skin and rinsed.

“Now for makeup”. Sitting at the vanity in your room, you begin to do your eye makeup to perfection so your eye color pops, then applying the rest of your face before picking a lip color. You held up the many shades of maroon that you had to your boots, trying to match them as best as possible. You didn’t want to look like you were trying too hard, so you braided your hair back. It was still a cute look, just two messy braids with some of your fringe down to frame your face. “Ok I think I’m good, I’ve got this”.

You quickly spray yourself with perfume before grabbing your bag and heading downstairs to the uber that was waiting for you. The others were already at the place, Harry had texted you to let you know, but he said that it was good that you were going to be one of the last to arrive so it doesn’t seem like you’re too desperate.

The car pulled up the the pub that everyone was eating at, you got out of the car and closed the door behind you, praying that everyone else wasn’t just in t shirts and jeans. You opened the door walking into the entry way, stopping to take a deep breath before you enter where everyone else is. What if this is a bad idea? What if Fionn just wants to be friends and all of this is for nothing? You can’t listen to the voice in your head, you have to go in there to find out, besides worst case scenario Harry is the only one that speaks to you.

As you walk into the pub Harry quickly spots you, his mouth falling open as he gets up to meet you at the door. He pulls the both of you into the entry way, looking back to make sure no one followed him.

“You look… I mean… are you trying to give the man a bloody heart attack?”

You look down examining the outfit you had put together last minute.

“Is it that bad?” Harry’s shaking his head while biting his lip, making sure to examine you one more time.

“No, s’fucking good, you look incredible. But are you trying to attract Fionn or me? I mean you know what a good boot does to me, a Gucci bag-” he said pointing to the handbag that you had worked your butt off for for years. “and -” he said smelling your neck, “ is that YSL perfume?”

“Yes Harry it is, and I can’t help that we’re so much alike”. Harry gave you an apologetic smile.

“Ok, I’m sorry love, I’ve had a drink or two…so has Fionn by the way. He said he was nervous, that things had gone well tonight when he saw you”.

You couldn’t help but to smile when reminiscing on the moment. “It did. I think I can do this Harry, with your help that is”.

“Of course love, let’s head to the table”. You were nervous, you hid behind Harry the whole way to the table, just the thought of meeting so many people at once and finally sitting down and talking to Fionn without it being work was terrifying. “Lads, this is Y/N, Y/N this is Tom who you already know, Barry, Jack and Aneurin”.

“Hey”. You said and you smiled shyly and waved.

“Here, I saved you a seat next to Fionn, he ran to the toilet real quick”. You took the seat that Harry had saved you, next to Fionn and Tom, right across from Harry and Barry.

“Y/N, you came”. Fionn was now back at the table, looking relieved that he hadn’t been stood up, but it wasn’t a date and he didn’t invite you, Harry did, so could he have really even truly been stood up?

“Yea, told you I would didn’t I?” Fionn took his seat next to you, he looked even cuter than he did on set, and he smelled amazing. He must have showered, now the images of his tense muscles coming back to your mind. Snap out of it Y/N. His hair was fluffy, he was wearing glasses, and he had a silver hoop earring. God, could he get any hotter?

You heard someone saying your name, interrupting your thoughts, thank goodness.

“Ohhh, Y/N, as in Fionns Y/N. Well I can see why he’s so smitten”. Fionns face grew red for the third time today, as he picked up a fry and threw it at the one you believed to be Barry.

“Shut up Barry”. Fionn leaned into you, whispering in your ear not knowing the affect he has on you.

“Ignore them, they’ve been drinking, they don’t know what they’re saying”. You smiled at him, sure that your face wasn’t just red from the blush that you had applied earlier.

“You clean up nice Mr. Whitehead”.

“Oh yea, well thank you, so do you. Not that you didn’t look nice on set…I just mean… I like your outfit”. “I knew what you meant, it’s ok”. Fionn took a big sip of his beer, a drop slipping out of his lips and down his chin.

“What do you want to drink? I did promise you a drink.”  

“Surprise me”.

Fionn stood up taking his bottle with him. “I like a girl of mystery”.

Harry winked at you from across the table, a sign that he thought things were going very well. Fionn came back to the table with another beer and a glass of wine for you.

“Thank you”. Fionn took another big sip of his drink.

“So I totally didn’t even ask you how your day was earlier, sort of an asshole thing to do since you asked me huh?”

The rest of the boys were in their own little world just chatting away, it was like you and Fionn were alone.

“No, no not at all. It was good, I’m very thankful for my first project being such a big one, and getting the best cast members to work on”. “Well I do have to say that we got the best artist to work on us”. It had been at least a hour by now, you and Fionn hadn’t stopped talking. The talking slowly turned to flirting and the drinks were a huge help.

“If it’s not too bold of me Y/N, you look incredible tonight”. Fionn had rested his hand in your thigh a while ago, rubbing soft circles with his thumb on the inner flesh.

“Well of it’s not too bold if me Fionn, I didn’t think that you could get any hotter, but when I saw you tonight, you proved me wrong”.

The rest of the boys were off playing pool with some of the older cast and crew, probably trying to give the two of you some privacy. Fionn had the goofiest grin on his face, an affect of the alcohol most likely, there’s no way you had this affect on him.

“You think I’m hot?”

“Most definitely”. Fionns hand left your thigh and travelled up to your lips, his eyes locked on them as he traces them with his thumb.

“You’re absolutely edible, you have the most perfect lips”. He said as he tugged at the bottom one, watching it pop back up into place. Feeling a little more daring from your liquid courage you say,

“Why don’t you taste then”.

Fionn slowly inched his face closer to yours, his thumb holding your chin in place. His soft, warm lips capturing yours, you can taste the bitter flavor of the beer on his tongue as he slides it in your mouth. Your hand is now tugging at the hair at the bottom of his neck as he grips your thigh. Fionn rests his forehead on yours, breaking the kiss.

“I don’t think you’re easy, I mean I don’t want you to think that’s what I think. It’s just…I don’t know, I have a feeling deep down in me that we’re meant to be together. I just felt this instant connection to you”.

You kiss him one more time to reassure him that you feel the same way.

“I do too”.

“Hey, Y/N, Fionn, why don’t you two come join us?” Harry yelled from the pool table that him and the rest of the guys were just gathered around.

“Do you want to go join them?”

“Yea, I’m just going to run to the restroom and I’ll be right there”. You walked into the bathroom, Candice was stood in front on the mirror applying her lipstick.

“You know, he doesn’t really like you, and Harry’s not really your friend”.

“As if I would listen to anything you tell me, I don’t know what you’re on about anyway”.

She closed the lipstick tube and turned to face you. “Fionn. It’s all a bet I over heard them talking about it…Oh come on, you know how much I like to eavesdrop. Harry and Fionn are in a bet to see which one of them can bed you first. Harry’s the nice best friend who will end up telling you that he wants to be more than friends, and Fionns the sweet boy next door. The rest of the lads are betting wages”.

“Oh my God you are so high school. Are you that bitter about my being the key artist that you’re willing to make up lies?”  

“Believe what you want darling, but Harry’s taking me back to his tonight, and Fionn actually likes Sydney. Why would you think he would like you anyway, I mean you’re no body, at least when Sydney’s not doing makeup she’s modeling”.

Candice walked out of the restroom, leaving you to yourself. You were washing your hands, going over the conversation in your head. She’s psychotic Fionn and Harry wouldn’t do that to you. Suddenly you remember what Harry said earlier that day ‘im betting she’ll be coming twice tonight’

Walking out of the bathroom you see Fionn stood next to the pool table, Sydney draped all over him with her tongue down his throat. You felt uneasy, as if the room was spinning and this was all a bad dream. How could he? How could Harry?

Quickly running out of the pub you call for an uber to meet you a block away. As soon as you get to your hotel you change into more comfortable clothes and light a candle, taking it to the balcony with a bottle of wine. You knew you shouldn’t have gotten involved at work, and you sure as hell wouldn’t let that happen again, tomorrow you were asking for new cast members. You sipped the wine and looked over the city as your heart ached and tears stained your face. Maybe love wasn’t meant for you.

[bazzledazzled]

“The Girl”

OKAY SO this was requested by @alexfierrno​ herself based on that prompt where two people hate each other irl but are the bestest friends online. This one is the two of us being in that position soooooo let’s see how this goes!! XD

alexfierrno: (*hugs* How was school?? :D)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (It was alright. That freaking girl was getting on my nerves again…… :p)

alexfierrno: (OH NO!!!! D: what did she do?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (idk anymore. It’s like,,,,, she hates me and I don’t even know why???? I mean like I finally worked up the courage to talk to her, trying to comment on her Percy Jackson shirt and hoping to FINALLY make a friend but she just ignored me)

alexfierrno: (Awwwwww D: *hugs*)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (*hugs back* idk maybe i should just try to find someone else to be friends with it’s just…… idk i feel like maybe we could be friends but she won’t talk to me and I have the WORST social anxiety so…….)

alexfierrno: (*hugs* you get it from me. But I’m sure she’ll come around, or maybe you’ll find someone else. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend :) )

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (*blushes* awwwwww thanks alex *hugs and cookies*)

alexfierrno: (Of course :D)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (So how was your day? :D)

alexfierrno: School.

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: Blah :p

alexfierrno: (Yeah)

alexfierrno: (ANYWAYS! Wanna RP?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (FRICK YES!)

Annnnndd the new girl was staring at her again. Just like she did everyday. They both sat by themselves more often than not, a pile of books beside them to be read as soon as they finished their lunch. They never contributed to the loud noise of the lunch room, not really saying a word to much of anyone throughout the whole day. And every single day, the girl would eat her food, her expression far off as she daydreamed about something, and every so often, she would pull her mind away from whatever dreams she had, and look at Alex, looking more confused than anything. 

None of it made sense to Alex as she pretended not to notice, wondering what the girl could want from her, the girl who hardly seemed to talk to anyone. So, of course, when the girl came up to her during lunch, she freaked out. 

She was reading a book, trying to block out the world like one does, when she heard someone speak.

“Umm.... Is it okay if I sit here?” the girl asked, sounding hesitant and shy. Peaking slightly over her book, Alex looked at the girl with her long blonde hair pulled up into two buns at the top of her head that seemed at the edge of falling apart in a black Supernatural t-shirt and Ravenclaw cardigan. For a moment, Alex’s attention went to the girl she talked to everyday after school who said she always wore her Ravenclaw sweater, even if it was too hot for it. Then, she was dragged away from them as the girl cleared her throat.

Panicking, Alex continued to stare at her book, scared to try and talk to her. The girl, seeing that her presence wasn’t welcome, turned away, a strand of hair falling loose as she did. For a moment, Alex swore she saw the shine of tears in her eyes. 

alexfierrno: (Candy you there?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (OH MY GODS IM SO SORRY I WAS TALKING WITH MY MOM AND THEN SHE YELLED AT ME IM SORRY!!!)

alexfierrno: (OH NO WHAT HAPPENED? D:)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (It’s nothing.... she’s just mad that I haven’t made a friend yet and I kinda..... broke down....)

alexfierrno: (AWWWW CHILD!!! *hugs*)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (*hugs back* thanks. I think it’s just been harder to socialize lately because I keep worrying that the same thing that happened with that girl will happen again)

alexfierrno: (Awww kiddo *hugs* it’s alright. I don’t know why that girl ignored you, but I promise not everyone’s like that. You’ll find your friend soon enough)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (Thanks alex *hugs* I’m glad I have you.)

alexfierrno: (Me too, kiddo. Me too.)

Today was a crappy day, Candy thought to herself as she opened up her laptop and pulled out her headphones to listen to Hamilton. Everyone kept saying that as you get more and more used to a place it would feel more and more like home, but that was a lie. Every day she spent in that school seemed to make her feel even further away from home as she silently plotted murder on each and every one of the kids in her grade, annoyed with all of them, if that was possible. Then there’s freaking state testing coming up and her science teacher WILL NOT GIVE THEM A BREAK, sending her home with a packet of science homework, half of which she doesn’t understand BECAUSE SHE WASN’T FREAKING HERE FOR HALF OF THE YEAR. She wanted nothing more to crunch the flute into a tiny metal ball and run it over with a truck and she still didn’t have any friends. On top of it all, Alex wasn’t online. 

Sighing, she opened Tumblr, wondering if it would make her day remarkably better or make it even worse. That was the thing about it. It was always a game with Tumblr, sometimes you could read the best fanfiction and get the best fan art and loads of the sweetest messages that make you put the laptop down and squeal into a pillow, and sometimes it leaves you feeling more alone than ever as you see posts that hit a little too close to home and stare longingly at an empty ask box, wondering why you waste your life screaming into the void that is Tumblr. 

It was going okay so far, she found a few good Percy Jackson posts and cried over an angsty snowbaz fic and she found a few people willing to talk to her, even though she had no idea why. Everything was going fine..... until she found a picture, burried in the depths of her dash. 

It took a bit for it it load, the picture staying grey for a long time as the dots moved across the screen, frantically trying to fulfill her demands with the horrible internet connection. Usually she would scroll past it without a second thought, but what caught her eye was the caption. 

“Here is a totally uncalled for selfie of me....” the caption read. Taking a closer look, she saw that the blogger who posted the picture was none other that Alex. 

She waited for the picture to load, beyond curious of how the caring, motherly, girl looked in real life, and if she was anything Candy pictured her to be (although she always just saw her as her profile picture......). 

Finally, after long, agonizing moments, the picture loaded, and Candy had to look away for a second, not really trusting her eyes.

But no, when she looked back at the screen, the girl was till staring back at her, an unsure smile on her face...... and the girl she has been trying to become friends with for the past two months.

“Wait..... what?” Almost as if on cue, she heard the familiar ring of a notification. It was from Alex.

alexfierrno: (HEYYYY!!! :D)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (Alex?)

alexfierrno: (Yes?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll sent a photo

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (is this you?)

alexfierrno: (Yeah, why?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (HOLY SCHNITZEL)

alexfierrno: (What?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (Wait hold on a sec)

alexfierrno: (Okay???)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll sent a photo

alexfierrno: (Wait.... is this you?)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (Yeah....)

alexfierrno: (OH MY GOSH)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (YEAH)

alexfierrno: (Oh wow)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (Yup)

alexfierrno: (We are so stupid)

theinsidiouscinnamonroll: (yes very much)

When the two girls walked into school the next morning, they practically ran to each other, embracing the other in a tight hug.  

“I feel so stupid,” Candy says, letting go. Alex laughs. 

“We both were.”

I feel like that was confusing but ANYWAYS enjoy!! :DD

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 24} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: So I'm an English teacher living in China and every Wednesday I wake up at dawn just to read the newest update of IWSY! I loveeeee it!!!!!

That’s so awesome that you’re an English teacher in China! I really miss being an English teacher in Japan *cries* I can’t wait to do it again! But oh my goodness I feel bad that you wake up at dawn x.x I hope you manage to get a good sleep the night before or at least take a nap during the day! Thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: Really quick! You are amazing and your writing IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I have ever laid eyes on, my day today is scheduled around your your update! And 2 I always think of Boys Over Flowers when i see the word paradise 😂

Thank you so much my love, I fan girled so hard when you said that your day is scheduled around my update aahhh *hides* AND OMG YES “ALMOST PARAAAADIIIIISSSEEEEE” that was both the best and most annoying song every during that drama...it would have been better if they didn’t play it every 2 seconds lolol

Anonymous said: ITS TONIGHTTTT!! I REALLY CANT WAITTT 🙈🙈💞🔥

YES IT’S TONIGHT GET READY!!

Anonymous said: Hey Sara! I just want to say that IWSY is the best work that I've read in my 13 years of existence! You're really 대박! BTW, in my country you update every Wednesday 😂 Because I think when it's Wednesday here in Philippines it's actually Tuesday their. So lots of love from Philippines!! 💕💕😍😍

Omg hello to Philippines!! I really wanna go to Philippines someday, it looks so wonderful and I always hear about how the weather is always amazing :) Oh my god you’re thirteEN AND YOU READ MY SMUT I *faints* please make good decisions in life lol I beg you xD Anyway, thank you so much for reading and liking IWSY ^^ That means so much to me!

@talkmemeytome said: I love the iwsy series so much NICE ONE SARA and your other ones are amazing too ILY JFTJH

Thank you very much my love, I’m so happy that you like what I write! I love you too :)

Anonymous said: OK BUT IMAGINE IF VAMP!JUNGKOOK WAS GOING TO BE A DAD HE'D BE SO PROTECTIVE OF HER AND JUST A BALL OF SQUISH WHEN THEY'RE ALONE THO????????? WOW MY HEART

WOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I’M ALREADY A HORMONAL EMOTION WRECK TODAY AND YOU JUST HIT ME RIGHT IN THE WOMB GOD DAMN IT :(

Anonymous said: iwsy is actually one of the best fanfictions i have ever ever read!!!!! i am so excited for this weeks update — thank you for being such a talented writer 🌹

You’re too kind to me, honestly. But I appreciate you so much for saying such wonderful things. I hope you enjoy tonight’s update my love, thank you so much!

@mocking-butts said: Mumsyyyyy I'm so excited for today I'm checking my phone constantly I know I will cry over this chapter dear lord I'm in need of help~!

Ahhhh I hope you enjoy the chapter! I had so much fun writing it :3 I can’t wait to hear what you think! ^^

@im-that-chesire-jax said: AGHHHHHHHH

Is that a cry of frustration I hear

Anonymous said: what are you trying to do to me!!! chapter 24!!! I can't even... holy shii the emotion roller coaster that is this fanfic

I didn’t do anything I swear! TT I hope you enjoyed it :3

Anonymous said: Tbh sometimes I have to reread some of the chapters of IWSY because it's so much to take in!!

That’s a good thing! I often get scared when I see people send in an ask SO QUICKLY after I post the chapter cos i’m like “there’s no way in HELL you read ALL of that and took in ALL the information in 5 minutes...” lol because I do put in a lot of detail and information and for someone who was to speed read it...I think it would be less enjoyable for them that way :(

@mocking-butts said: WAIT WHAT NO WHAT IS THIS NOOOOO IM SCREAMING NOOOOO MUMSY WHY IM NOW IN THE CORNER CRYING NOOOO I CANT BREATHE IT NEEDS TO BE NEXT WEEK!

You’re welcome my child *evil laugh* thank you so much for reading it!!

Anonymous said: I..Omg..WHY?! I want to cry..Yoongi better not hurt Y/N or I swear to God. Thank you for updating. Everything was going so smoothly and just BAM, it's like a punch in the face ;A; I hope Y/N will be okay.. -Kira Anon

You’re so welcome for the update Kira anon and thank you so much for reading the new chapter! And yes - just as the quote in the description referred to, I truly wanted to capture the essence of ‘the calm before the storm’ hehe ^^

Anonymous said: Sara!!!!! How could you do this to me? I. Cannot. Deal. With. This. U.K. Anon

I apologise for doing to you whatever I did! I hope you enjoyed the chapter my love :D

Anonymous said: Even though she was being careless in the last chapter, i really love the character Y/N. I love how inteligent you made her, but also shy yet feisty. She's not an annoying and whiny character, not Too Bold not Too Shy. I really love it! I love how both she and JK can have mature conversations about everything. I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH AHH i just. wow. I've been reading it since part 1 and i cant believe its been so long already!

Thank you so much, you’ve no idea how much that means to me! I wanted to try and make Y/N with as much transparency as possible - but with enough character to build upon so that it sets her as ‘part of the cast’ you know? Thank you so much for reading it and staying with it since part one, that means the world to me! And IKR! 24 weeks...damn. I knew that this series was going to be longer than expected after the 4th chapter, but I wasn’t expecting to get so carried away like this xD hehe THANKYOU once again my love ^^

@bangtangurlarmy said: SHIT PART 24 HAD ME CLUTCHING ON TO MY BLANKET BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING HORRID WOULD HAPPEN AMD I WILL SHAMELESSLY ADMIT I SOBBED THE MOMENT I READ THE DETAILS OF TAE TRYING TO WILL YOU TO TURN AROUND. IM SO SENSITIVE TO THIS SERIES. OH MY GOD. I JUST CANNOT WAIT FOR THE HAPPY ENDING ALREADY BECAUSE NO. I HATE ANGST. BUT I LIVE FOR IT AS WELL. AWESOME CHAPTER SARA😭

NO DON’T CRY DON’T SOB IT’S OKAY TT I wish I could tell you how it ends but I don’t want to spoil it for you :( AHHH thank you so much once again for reading the new chapter and I’m really happy you thought it was awesome!! ^^

Anonymous said: So uhm.. this may sound weird and dirty? and maybe not fitting? but UHM... I loved it when jungkook came inside Y/N. Filling her up with /his/ seeds. And then the talk about children.. when his heart became so warm to even think about the woman he loves carrying his little goofballs. I just get so giggly and excited to know Y/N is now carrying his seeds and the possibility of them going at it again without a condom.. and her really getting pregnant. They'd be such great parents T_T

NO OMG IT’S NOT WEIRD AND DIRTY lol you’re fine! Actually - this is probably tmi and probably no one knows this about me. But...it’s kind of a huuuuuge kink of mine? Like - of course I am on the contraceptive pill bc I am not at a stage to support myself and a possible baby having complete unprotected sex lol but a kink of mine is exactly that ^^ So don’t worry! It’s a completely normal thing to love :D And yes they would be such great parents I think :3 hehe

Anonymous said: Fuuuuuuckkkkkkinnnggggg cliff hanger gosh diggity darn it I really don't know how I'm gonna wait another week to find out what happens next. You're too good that this. 😱😑😠hahaha

You know it ;) hehe~ Thank you so much for reading my love!

Anonymous said: Aah ._. I just read the newest Chapter of IWSY and now I don't think I can go to sleep in peace ._. Why do your writings have to be so well described and giving me all the emotions T^T You're amazing though <3

Aww I hope you manage to get some sleep TT Sleep is important!! But thank you so much for liking the detail and all the emotions :3 That makes me really happy to hear! And hey - you’re more amazing, I promise you ^^ hehe Thank you once again love!

@animeimmortal said: God damnit. It had to go that way. God it had to -.- Oml the second she got the call saying "let us in" I knew something was up cuuz if it wasn't then they would just have called throu the thing I am so angry @ Y/N (myself) god so stupid so effin stupid lord Jesus Christ idiot ❤ your taken for writing is amazing. Like lord save me really the amount of little detail you put in there ❤❤❤

It definitely did have to go that way! heh~ It’s never all sunshine and rainbows in this house! xD Thank you so much for reading it and for taking time to notice all the little details I put in there ^^ I really appreciate that love ^^

Anonymous said: SARA IM FREAKING CRYING HOW COULD YOU DO THAT OMG IT WAS ALL NICE AND FLUFFY AND I THOUGHT MY EMOTIONS WERE SAFE FOR A WEEK BUT NO WHAT THE HECK WHY

YOU WOULDA THOUGHT ;D hehe NO EMOTIONS ARE EVER SAFE!!

@mysr3 said: Sara U Know I hold my phone since 1pm (9pm UK), so I can read when u post it! That how bad U got me wit IWSY🙈 U seriously have all emotions hit me wit this PT! Poor Tae n Jimin. JK will be so Pissed! Can Tmr be Tues again? Can we talk about JK n Y/N sweet moments? This is a relationship Goal! JK is so sweet! I know U will leave us with cliff hanger but this week is lit ToO MuCh Dont U think? Now let me cry in silent til next Tues! Thank you LuV! I Love You❤ Send u Big Hug! Have a Good Day!

Oh my god you’re so cute asdfghjk I’m so glad I could hit you with all the emotions with this chapter :3 And ikr? When can I have a relationship like VampKook and Y/N?? D: I want it now! lol It’s never too much for a cliffhanger, you should know me better by now :3 hehe I love you too my dear and I hope you have a great day as well!! *hugs back* thank you so so so much!!

Anonymous said: *sobs* poor tae... anD YOU *points finger* Le quEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS, AN AMAZING CHAPTER ONCE AGAIN

LE QUEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS HEHE *runs away* what did I do? :3 lol thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: OMG SARA IM SCREAMING WHAT WAS THAT OMG FUCK

WAT HAPPEN

@theninjachan said: "Monday morning came after another night of Jungkook pushing you towards several highs in several different locations throughout his Manor– starting with the living room, going on to against one of the walls in his hallway, and ending in his bedroom as it usually did.   okay GOALS

Goals as fuCK GIVE ME THAT ANY DAY PLEASE. I’M SINGLE AND MY P***Y IS READY TO MINGLE (just kidding I’m as shy as a fucking pigeon goodnight)

Anonymous said: I'm currently bed ridden with the flu. So what's the only thing I do? Reread IWSY and the rest of your imagines. :D It's the best medicine. 💕

Oh no! :( I really hope you get better soon...having the flu sucks but I hope that you’re taking good care of yourself and taking medicine regularly and eating yummy soup ^^ I’m glad that IWSY and my writing can make having the flu a little more bearable. Thank you so much and I’m sending lots of healing thoughts your way!

Anonymous said: I know it's probs not gonna happen, coz ya know yoongi is supposed to be the evil guy, but I can't help but think what a twist it would be if once he captures her he begins to get feelings for her just like jungkook did.... THAT WOULD BE SO COOL 😎

I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN *wonders* HMMMM :3

Anonymous said: You mentioned beauty and the beast and I was wondering if you had seen the movie, or if you included as more of a coincidence?

I did mention it! But actually, I haven’t seen the new live action movie yet - although I really want to! I’ll forever be a fan of the original Disney animation though, I don’t think even Emma Watson could win me over it hehe~ But I’ve used the beauty and the beast analogy for the IWSY series before~ so it is just purely a coincidence that the movie was released at the same time!

Anonymous said: Y'know, I should've known that something was gonna go wrong in this chapter, but I was like 'Nah, my good author friend would NEVER do that. Especially when I'm emotionally distraught.' and you gave me fluff. And I was happy. AND THEN THIS BANANA SPLIT HAPPENS. UNBELIEVABLE. I TAKE IT BACK. I'M STILL MAD AT YOU >:( - love Vampnip anon

BANANA SPLIT LMFAO VAMPNIP ANON WHY DO YOU ALWAYS REDUCE ME TO TEARS OF LAUGHTER I SWEAR TO GOD CHILD YJHVBSBDGKAJG Please don’t be mad at me, I love you very very much ;c

Anonymous said: I knew it aaalll along! Leaving her alone wasn't a good idea in the first place T.T But hey, the good point is that we'll see Jungkook savior's mode and I'm exciteeeeeeeed

Hmmm yes, indeed! I wonder what our Prince will do?! :3

Anonymous said: Omfg. WHY COULDN'T I JUST CALL KOOKIE! WHY AM I SO UGHHHH?! Love the cuddles and his departure was too cute. XD BUT STILL TnT  SARA WAEEEEE~ -Anon that pulled her friend into kpop(aka anon+friend⚇)

I’m not sure but I’m assuming that it would be hard to pull one’s phone out and dial for help when one has just been chloroformed :P BUT YES she should have called Kookie in the beginning when Tae asked her to come outside to confirm with him~ But she was too headstrong for her own goo! Thank you so much anon who pulled her friend into kpop! I hope you’re both enjoying the series ^^

Anonymous said: istg ur ff IWSY is hands down one of the best ive ever read! omg ive been a silent reader all this time and it is truly a pain in the ass to have to wait for the next chapter ugh bUT GIRL U KNOW HOW TO TRILL MY NERVES LIKE IN THIS CHAP 24 HOW I WISH TMR IS TUESDAY AGAIN </3 pls keep on going with more fluff!! and beb just so u know theres someone whos constantly waiting for ur update & love ur stories!

Ahh thank you from the bottom of my heart for that! That’s so sweet :3 I know it’s a pain to have to wait a week for the next chapter but at least you definitely know it will be uploaded at the same time! ^^ Thank you so so so much and I hope you’ll enjoy more to come!! c:

@koreaisanaddiction said: SARS!!! what have you done to meeeeeee!!! FUCK!!!! im going to be trying to solve this now for the next week!

Solve away :3 thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: NO READER NO i knew it was a bad idea, i could taste it wHY?!?! poor kookie is gonna be mortified... i feel so bad for tae, too! i mean, he obviously didn't want to do it but he didn't want jiminnie to die. i really hope jungkook won't hate him... i'm a mess help

Let’s hope everything turns out okay in the end! :3 thank you my love ^^

Anonymous said: The whole time at the end of IWSY I was thinking "NO! CALL JUNGKOOK OMG STOP!" You're such a great author I can't wait to see where this leads! 💕 I can't wait for next Tuesday

Yes she should have rang Jungkook but she was too headstrong! Silly girl ^^ Thank you so much :D

Anonymous said: OMG SARA IM JUNGSHOOK wow I cant wait for next week ! Also if Vampires cant enter a house without being allowed to how come yoongi was able to come into Y/N s house to murder her family 🤔 --wifey anon 💕

Because her brother Cassidy let him in ^^ Like I wrote in the previous chapters :) Thank you for reading the update love! ^^

Anonymous said: Mom you got me all the way fucked up. Hold up now. I was prepared for this. Like I was expecting a nice piece of cake and it was a plate full of Brussel sprouts instead. Fucking Min Yoongi you sexy little devil you. But it's all good cuz bae gonna swoop in and snatch y/n up and take her home where she belongs. Poor Jimin and Tae. Like they deserve so much happiness and the keep getting in shitty situations. But even though I feel betrayed THIS WAS A NICE ASS CHAPTER. I Love you 💜 ~LilKookieAnoN

Bae gonna swoop in haha yes hopefully c: I’m sorry for betraying you but I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter~ i love you too lilkookieanon and I hope you’re doing well ^^

Anonymous said: OOOOHHHHHH FUCK! CHEEZUS SARA THIS TIME I WONT EVEN TRY TO CALM MYSELF DOWN! WHYYYYY??????? Ohmaigawd the whole freaking time it was like a horror movie; I could feel the suspense building and I knew something bad was going to happen, plus the added factor you ALWAYS end on a cliff hanger... CAN YOU FEEL HOW ANXIOUS YOU MADE ME FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER?! anyways, I love you soooo much!!! Please take care of yourself and stay healthy! <3 - army anon

I apologise for any anxiety I caused *hugs* heh ^^ I love you too and and I hope you’re doing well - please take care of yourself too! Thank you very much for reading the update Army anon ^^

Anonymous said: I almost cried while reading chapter 24 of "I won't Stop You", I can almost feel the regret, sorrow and pain in Taehyung eyes, he still love his brother regardless of what, and little did he expect that his brother took him for granted, and that's the most painful thing one can experience, especially when the one is your brother, and I dread seeing how will Jungkook react when he found out omg I CANNOT!!

Yes - it’s hard when your family does shitty things because on one hand you love them, but on the other they are possibly bad people (in this case, definitely) lol ^^ Thank you so much for reading it love!

Anonymous said: S A R A WHY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT SARA WHY 😭😭😭😭😭 as soon as Tae said come outside I knew something was wrong I KNEW IT god I'm gonna cry poor bby Jimin poor everyone POOR ME I can't!!!!!! Why do you do this to my heart

Because I’m evil ~ sorta :3 hehe thank you so much for reading it!

@wanda-rog said: You can't end a chapter like that and then make us wait a whole week to see what happens! You're so evil T-T I want to see Jungkook raise hell now!  It's going to be the longest week in history

I can and I did *evil laugh* hopefully he will raise hell for you! thank you so much for reading the chapter lovely ^^

@mysr3 said: Sara I have funny thing to tell u! How coincidence that u wrote about Forbidden West Wing and the impressive Library of Beauty and the Beast in IWSY today and I happened to see the movie today! When the west wing was mentioned I was thinking about Y/N and her JoKe lol Then the Library scene I was like huh Y/N enjoyed Jungkook 's just like Belle does in hErE! it's such funny coincidence! 😝The movie was ready GooD! If u have not watched I recommend it! 👏

Yes, I haven’t seen the live-action movie of Beauty and the beast yet but I hope to because I love Emma Watson a lot! Thank you for thinking of me when you saw it my darling :3

@min-ty said: IM SO SHOOK ON CHAPTER 24 OF IWSY IM JUSY ALSJDJSISJDMDJLXKSNS I CAN'T. Your writing was so good in this chapter. Not that your writing isn't always amazing (it is) but I really took notice on it! I know writing fanfiction isn't easy, so to write a chapter of something every week and have nothing be filler or bad quality is so amazing! Have a good day/night!

I’m always trying not to make episodes feel filler-y! I thought that perhaps at the start of this chapter, it felt that way. But it slowly built up to the ending which turned it into a normal storyline! Trust me - many years of watching Naruto + Naruto Shippuuden made me HATE fillers with a passion lolol but they can of course be needed for a storyline to be complete! Thank you so much for reading the chapter love and I hpe you also have a wonderful day ^^

Anonymous said: Oh my god!!! IWSY is killing me I wish you could update 10 chapters a day!!! but oh well, as a university student myself, I can totally understand the demands of school work... am thankful to even have a chapter a week to read HEHE. please tell me Prince jungkook comes to the rescue!! and jiminnie and taehyung please be safe too!! super excited for the next chapter ㅠㅠ

LOL oh my goodness I would definitely write myself into an early grave if I did that :3 I hope Prince Jungkook can come to the rescue for you! :3 thank you so much for reading it love and I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter too!!

Anonymous said: Hi! Just wanted to say your fics are really amazing! :D I literally just joined Tumblr earlier this month for the fun of it but after miraculously stumbling upon your blog and reading IWSY, I felt like giving a try on writing fics as well (though there are so many of them around already omg). Can't wait for your new chapter on IWSY!

Thank you so much my love! I’m so happy you stumbled upon my tumblr and IWSY ^^ And yes you should definitely try writing ff! It’s so fun and it feels nice to put your work out there for people to enjoy and read too :D I hope you have an awesome day dear ^^

Anonymous said: SARAAAA! Why do you have to do this to my poor heart?!! Can I make tuesday, everyday?.😭😭😭 You're really an amazing writer! I love you!.😭🤧❤️

Anonnnn! I’m sorry for any damage to your poor heart :c Thank you os much for liking IWSY, I’m so glad you enjoy it and I love you too!

Anonymous said: FUCKING HELLNSJSJSJSJSK OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY FUCKING FLYING FUCK IN THEUFKXINDJSJSJ WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I MEAN OK inhlae exhale 348x LIKE HOLY SHIT that endingsjdjdjdjjd

*holds you* it’s okay...shhhhh...it’s okay my love

Anonymous said: its my thesis defense tomorrow, im kind of nervous but after reading the new chapter of iwsy my anxiety went away BUT IM LIKE MKAKSK THAT LAST LINE WHY TF DO I THINK YOONGI LIKES Y/N HOLY SHIT HE WANTS  HER OOOHH WAIT BUT HES EVIL RIGHT... BUT LIKE WHY HE CALLED HER "MY DOMITOR" BITCH TF JDJDJXJ HOW ABT JK SHIT THEY GONA HAVE A FIGHT IM FUCING HERE FOR THIS IM FUCKING PISSINGIN EED TIME TO RECOVER FROM THISNKSK

Good luck for your thesis defence my love I’m sure you’ll do great! I’m so happy that my story could make you feel a little at ease :3 LOL OH MY GOD *dies laughing* I guess you’ll need to wait and see what happens dear! :3 thank you so so much for reading ^^

@jauntyjin said: YOUR STORY IS STRESSING ME OUT IM LOWKEY MAD AT TAE BUT I UNDERSTAND BC JIMIN WAS IN DANGER OH GOD JUNGKOOK IS GOING TO GO MENTAL IM COUNTING ON MUGSY TO FILL JUNGKOOK IN

NO STRESS PLS ENJOY~~~ lol I HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

@jungkookbangtaned said: SARA TELL YOONGI I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM BECAUSE SYCRGIZEWHAO HE USED TAE AND JIMIN TO GET TO ME AND SO I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM.  Amazing as always, and I really can't wait to read how Jungkook is gonna react... poor baby😓 love you💕

I’LL TELL HIM BBY DON’T WORRY ;) Agh thank you so much for reading the newest part love ^^ I hope you’re having a great day and I love you too ^^

@cynicalspacehoe said: DAMMIT I KNEW IT! THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A WHOLE DAY JUNGKOOK, I GET KIDNAPPED

JUNGKOOK CAN’T LEAVE YOU NOWHERE! hehe~

Anonymous said: Whoop whoop I hope I am not too late for the answer post 🐇 Huuuuuum Tae just why ??? I cant judge u tho u had probably no other choice but still baby dont scare us like that 😩 --wifey anon

Yes you’re not too late! I usually post the answer post any time after 9:30pm on a Wednesday but sometimes I hold off in case I get more asks ^^ I don’t wanna clog up peoples feeds but at the same time I wanna answer everyone lol! Poor Tae :) he had no choice, he loves Jimin so much :( Thank you so much for reading my love!

@trashyxpotato said: Hello~ I just wanted to say that your Jungkook fanfic "I Won't Stop You" is amazing! I've been reading it for a few days and... I really love it! I really laughed at some parts. :') I love the story and everything! It became one of my favs~ ^_^

Hi there! thank you so much for finding and reading IWSY and I’m really happy that you’re enjoying it! I’m glad you said that it’s one of your favs, thank you very much once again love ^^

[bmyselfandi-blog]

mom

there was a time in my life where the hardest thing i was going through was a high school breakup. i thought the world was ending, that id never experience a worse heartbreak than that one. i got over it and went back to the guy a few times. it was on and off. that was the beginning of my junior year, around september. come april 21st i received the worst news i could have handled at the time. my mom was diagnosed with cancer. now she never really told us, well at least me, she never told me the stage of the cancer. but it was rectal. they tell you not to look up that kind of shit because it will scare you but me, i dont listen when told not to do something. now, i probably should have, it scared me what i found, but also gave me hope. it said curable. they said long life span. so, in my mind it was all going to be okay. my dad took it very hard. i poften found him crying alone, and i cried too. we all did. my mom was the type of person to help anyone in need, she was amazing, loving, wonderful, generous, warm, any fucking word to describe an angel, that was fucking her. still is. anyways fast forward about a year, end of my senior year. i start dating this new guy, hes amazing, he gave me the world. i couldnt have asked for a better man. stuck by my side through some fucked up shit that was my fault. we had our fights, like every couple. he did some things that i didnt like but i pushed past it because i loved him. thats what couples do right? well, not even a year later i spent less time with my family, more time with him and his. i regret that every day of my life. ill never forget the first day of my new job my dad made me cry because he told me my mom thought id rather spend time with my boyfriends mom than her. i balled my eyes out on my way to work. i never wanted to hurt my moms feelings like that. she couldnt do much, she was weak and it was getting harder for her to do everyday things. that was november. come march 25. it was a saturday. my mom was sitting in her spot on the couch and my dad was downstairs on the computer. i dont remember my sister being home. my mom asked me to look at her eyes and tell me what color the whites were, they were yellow. that meant jaundice. i told my dad, we told her she needed to go to the hospital. she said she didnt feel well and didnt want to go that day and if she wasnt feeling any better shed go the next day. i didnt think too much about it, this wouldnt be the first hospital trip that month or let alone that year. sunday; i went to my boyfriends to hangout and have dinner. after dinner my dad told and said they were going to the hospital. we then drove up to meet them. they took my mom in the back, i went back with her as did everyone else. the crazy thing is, is i dont remember all too much. i remember being back h=there, them asking her certain questions that made me sad, like if she was sad, depressed, thinking about dying. i brought her up some things when we went, i had this pair of ankle fuzzy sicks that i gave to her, she asked me to put them on her feet, i remember there being a hole in the big toe, she thought it was funny. it got later, they ended up admitting her but were trying to find a room. my dad had to work the next morning and i hadnt started my new job so i told him i would stay with her that night so she wasnt alone. they had a room in the pediatric ward so they sent us up. there were two cribs, a bed and a couple chairs in the room. i slept in the chair that turned into a bed. the nurses were very nice. we got some rest after being moved up there. it was very late, almost 4am. the next morning my uncle was up there and my dad came soon after as well. days went by, i started my new job, id go up as soon as i got off to go and see her. she got worse each day but we didnt think anything of it. turns out the tumor was actually starting to quickly crush her liver. she started not being able to talk well. they eventually put her on a heavy breathing treatment. she stopped talking and responding. my dad asked a timeline and the doctor said he didnt like to put timelines. i thought she would get better. they had my dad sign a DNR, we werent going to make her suffer if she didnt have to. it was selfish of us to want her to stay with how much pain i knew she was in. we had family up there always. april 4th. it was a wednesday. by now they had put my mom into hospice care, we had the option of bringing her home but we didnt want to make her uncomfortable by moving her. they gave us the whole room we were in. 315 bed B. we had people come and talk to us about urns and getting things like that. a hospice worker told us that their phone line was always available to talk on, whether it was a week later or a year later. i didnt have workbthat day. i went up to the hospital early. my moms cousin Colleen was there. my boyfriend came up as well. my dad my sister and her cousin kim came up as well. we hung out all day. i told colleen i probably wouldnt end up going to this festival i had in may because i wanted to be there everyday for my mom. colleen said that was almost 2 months away and that my mom may not be here by then. i didnt want to think about that. my mom would always be here right? that night me and my boyfriend ordered chinese. we were going to pick it up but they had delivery. we were also supposed to go to the store but we decided not to for some reason i dont remember. we ate our nasty chinese food. i got shrimp and lobster sauce, my moms favorite. we were all sitting aruond talking. my dad had ran home to let the dogs out since no one had been home in a while. anytime he would leave the room for anything longer than a half hour he would hug my mom and tell her to wait for him. he left. he got to the house. he let the dogs house. we were sitting there when my boyfriend looked over at my mom. her eyes were open. they hadnt been open in days. we instantly went over to her. her cousin got the nurse. me and my sister held her hand. i called my dad crying. all i could muster out was the word “hurry” and the pain in his voice when he said “okay” was enough to break anyones heart. the nurses knew. we all knew. i held my moms hand crying. my boyfriend rubbed my back. i told her i loved her. my sister told her she loved her. kim consoled her. we knew her fight was over. kim closed my moms eyes and like that she was gone. it was 10:15. we had to wait for a doctor to pronounce time of death. time of death was 10:25. my dad got there, tears in his eyes. we called family to tell them. his best friend was up in a heartbeat. his brother came up. i called my best friends. sarah and her boyfriend were up within minutes. my boyfriend held me. everyone cried. my dad hugged me and my sister so tight. the nurses were wonderful and sweet. it was probably 3 something in the morning when we left. i said my final goodbyes and told her i loved her. how could i just leave my mom in this room all alone? i couldnt handle it. i drove home with my boyfriend and let my dad drive alone. i dont know why i did that. i should have went with him. we got home and i couldnt tell you anything after that. i dont remember much about the days that followed. i know the next day we had to make phone calls to change things into our names and take my moms off. we received lots of “im so sorry for you loss”’s. it got sickening. we got flowers, cards, food. my boyfriends family was so helpful. i took that friday off of work and went back monday. got a lot of sorrys there too. her memorial was friday the 13th. i worked that morning. i shouldnt have but i had to go on like normal. how do you just go on like normal? how do you just up and live without your best friend, your fucking mother? she was supposed to be there through everything. she was supposed to live a long happy life with my dad. she was supposed to watch me get married and watch my have her grandchildren. she was supposed to be free of cancer and get better and live happy and healthy. she wasnt supposed to die. she should still fucking be here today. but shes not. months later, not even a year. my boyfriend and i broke up. just shy of a year since her passing, march 2nd. my friend and i had a run in with my ex. she flipped him off while we were driving. he followed us to the gas station and cussed us out. later that night he posted a story on his snapchat. black screen with the words “ your mother would be ashamed of you” written on it. directed towards me. how dare he say that shit. how could the same man that held me while i held my dying mothers hand say some dumb fucking shit like that to me? i dont quite get how he could ever in a million years say that shit. she was liuke amother to him. he was there through everything we dealt with, all the grieving, the sadness and depression in my house. but what bothers me is how a few months later we were getting back together. and how i could forgive him for saying that. i never did forgive him and i dont think i ever will. he said he posted it to hurt me because he was hurt. but how could he stoop that low. later on he brought her up again when he wanted me to stop smoking. “ how would mom feel” i tried kicking him out, ive never yelled at him before until that night, i got in his face and screamed not to talk about my dead mom. he didnt again. we stopped talking about a month later and havent talked since. he never understood what i was going through. what i am going through. i cry a lot. i miss my mom everyday. i think about her every hour of the day. my dad texts her almost every day. he posts on her facebook sometimes. i text her sometimes. i call too to see if someone new has her number. its still disconnected. i dont want someone new to have her number. thats her fucking number. no one elses. i still dont feel like this is all real and here its been a year and a half. christmas is coming up. her birthday is christmas eve. it was her favorite time of the year. we held the party at our house very year for anyone who wanted to come. it was always a full house. everyone loved my mom, she was an amazing person. a family friends words describing my mother to someone were “she had to adjust her halo when walking into a room” and thats always been true. even now, im sure she visits often. i wish so bad that she could be here, that she could see how everything is going. i miss her so fucking much and i just want my fucking mom back. i know everything in life would be okay if she was here. i know it would solve every problem me and my family have if she was just fucking here. she should be here. she should fucking be here right now. 

[mintyicee]

Warning: skip this post if want

It’s a rant...and i absolutely hate you tumblr app bc i had to redue this twice now! >:(

Anyway, I’m used to being ignored. Everyone around me since i was little to being a young adult now has left me to own thoughts and corner in my home since forever. Though i am partially to blame being an introvert and an absolutely horrible friend in keeping contact with friends online, I mostly do so if i feel no one wants to hear, see, speak, or look at me. I will personally disappear and hide myself bc i feel it will make others happy if i wasnt around. As if i didn’t exist. True, not everyone in your life will be around forever and true, being oneself is your greatest friend. But, as shy or quiet as i am, I love being around other ppl. I dont want to be around ppl 24/7 but i do want to connect with ppl i feel can appreciate me at my fullest and without feeling like im weird or the odd ball that doesnt belong.

With that being said, I may be USED to it but i ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. As any human being would of coarse and a lot of ppl have it worse dont get me wrong. Making this rant already makes me feel selfish and in need of pity which isnt why im writing this. Simply put i want to push this anger out of me and get it out of my system bc i feel i cant move forward until i do so. And when it comes to my problems i suck at communicating it to others bc i feel they have much more important things to be doing then to babysit someone who is feeling down (but id drop everything to listen to others sadness bc i care way too much). 

I hate feeling like i did back when i lived in my hometown. Very lonely and sad. Constantly crying. I wouldn’t do anything all summer but cry in my room bc of how alone i felt. And i gave a very important part of me away just to make sure i had at least one person hanging around. I regret it very much but my efforts to hang out with the friends i saw at school outside of school would be very close to zero. Everyone is either busy or just low key didnt want to hang out with me. Tho i was lucky to have at least one friend I would see more in certain grades, it wasnt constant. And once all the drama with my nuclear family subsided, i was much more alone in the house than before middle school. 

I didnt have a cellphone or home phone, no internet either till i moved and started high school. The things that kept me going usually was my writing, music, and cartoons. Seriously being serious here. The way Id touch base with any of my school friends was to walk to their house and be lucky if they had time or were home. When i moved i had so much hope that Id find ppl to share and spend time with. Not only that but i was in the real world and no longer stuck in a house like a prisoner or place for that matter. But like stupid ppl or racists, the same ppl pop up everywhere as well as the loneliness i was hoping to leave behind. Only it came in a new form: even when im around others. I am/was happier here tho. No longer confined in my hometown house. But recently it feels like i am. This summer has been my loneliest since the move and the feeling like no one cares about me at all have all come back at my lowest and most crucial decision making time of my life. Not being in school this semester/school year is hitting me hard and no job call backs for a whole month now either. 

Partially my fault tho. The new friend crew ive been spending time with have been ignoring anything i said in the group chat. Id be skipped over and lately it feels as if im just upsetting certain ppl and end up talking about me behind my back. Really nothing new but I’ve just had enough of it. Like always I distanced myself and stopped talking all together. I’ve been more political upset in recent days due to certain issues on twitter but I’ve only been talking to my boyfriend and my mother. In hindsight tho, they really are my best friends. They are here for me at my highest and lowest no matter how many times i cry or how suddenly i get upset or frustrated. They are the ones to accept me for who i am. No one else has done this to the extent as they have and really thats all i need. Even if i dont get any other long term friends i dont care bc i know they will be by my side till the end. 

But I also want to say that if you didnt want to be my friend in the first place or you wanted me to initiate the conversation first then u should at least comment back at what im saying. If i said something dumb or something that didnt add to the convo then tell me dont just ignore me like im stupid. I refuse to be your “friend” that you only want around to be made fun of. I’ve been through a lot and yes ik u have your share of problems but if your going to only look at yourself and care about yourself then i dont need you. Im good without having that in my life. Ive had my fill of people who act like that to me. And im also tired of people who dont care about others and present issues. I CRY ABOUT PPL I DONT KNOW THAT ARE ON THE NEWS WHETHER NAMED OR NOT. HELL I CRY EVEN IF THEY ARENT ON THE NEWS! There are soooo many ppl who have it way worse than myself who suffer daily and im sick of hearing ppl dont care about the ppl and situations around them! I wont sit here making an excuse as to why i cant help its the same old issues no money (no job as mentioned above) hell even no car but that doesnt matter. I still pray! I pray for safety of others and i pray that ppl will be alright and i pray that things will get better! And also mentioned earlier, ive been reposting about current issues on twitter! This is small but i want to try!

So please if you had no intentions of sticking around me at any of my current moods, dont appreciate the person i am, or relatively dont give a fuck then dont involve yourself in my life. Yes it hurts to be alone but Id rather have that and be alone then FEEL ALONE WITH PPL IVE COME TO CARE FOR! Also, if I have helped you through thick n thin and you think u can pop into my life whenever you feel like it only to stop talking to me or purposely upset me and even threaten me? GTFO of my life and dont come back! Ever (yes this is about a certain friend who moved away and i helped not commit suicide that im holding a grudge at)!  And if you honestly are going to get upset at the actions ive done and say you do good things when you have zero sign of love for others in your hearts, live in a bubble of your own world, and follow the bible “word for word” get out of my face too bc i dont need ppl who say they are here to help others only to shun me if i dont constantly keep verses in my head or do things the way you want them to be and to have me fight my own demons while going against your beliefs and saying that im not doing what im supposed to (yes this is about church)! I DO THINGS AND CARE WAY MORE THAN YOU DO TRUST ME AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IM EVER GOING TO SELFISHLY SAY SO BC ITS BETTER TO BE HUMBLE AND NOT ARROGANT. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO JUDGE YOU YET YOU GET TO JUDGE ME? NO I DONT THINK SO YOU SHOULD START AT LEVEL ONE AGAIN AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! (still about church not friends here). Also dont worry about the level one thing; you would know what this means if you went to the same church. 

I’ve been couping with the idea that all i need is two friends. I’m so grateful and blessed to have them in my life and if im truly meant to have more than it will be so. I know two others of whom i need to apologize for hardly emailing or sending a message to. I feel so bad i have neglected them only bc ive been feeling so down about this and other issues (like before: school, no job/car, possibly changing career and life goals, etc) but really is no excuse. Welp I’ve said all i wanted to say for the moment. There is another topic i wish to vent about but it will have to be for another day bc i have no energy to complain about that topic. If anyone read all this im sorry i took time out of your day and that I hope you are doing well. I hope you continue to live your life to the fullest and to celebrate the good things not the bad that comes along. I just really needed to vent these emotions so i can finally concentrate on what i need to do. Thank you for listening <3

[thyfoulart]

July 30, 2017 @ 1040 AM

You know, I used to be on Tumblr a lot, like, all of the fucking time. I lived on here and i thought it was a good place to get some attention. Obviously, I never did. One thing I’ve been learning is that the things you do shouldn’t be for attention. Doing what you like should be your purpose. Now, here is where I’m stuck. What the fuck do I like to do?? Hmm, I don’t know. This a great way for me to reflect. This is like my meditation. Being able to put thoughts down makes me actually process my thoughts more and remember what im thinking of. Most of the time. Now, seriously, what do I like to do? What are my goals? 

1. I like to go hiking. - Why? Well, when I go hiking, i feel the fresh outdoors. It’s quiet, and relaxing. I get time to think and get away from the world. My son is entertained. If he’s not wanting me to pick him up, then he’s walking or running and checking things out. Plus, it tires him out. Which means that he should go to sleep earlier. This is what I should do more often. Get outside.

2. I like dancing. - Why? I feel fun and alive. Being able to be good at it gives me confidence. Being complimented on it, brightens me up. Knowing that I can do something, other people can’t always do, makes me feel amazing. And, it’s such a fun thing to do with other people. You hype each other up. It can also be romantic. Dancing together in sync. Performing as one. Being close to each other. Unless, we get to the freak dancing, the grinding and stuff. I still find it fun, and well its sexual and I really like sex sooooo... yeah. Anyways, I should practice dancing more.

3. I like working out. - Why? Well, it sucks balls to put up heavy weight. It sucks to not be able to push as much as you want sometimes. But, I like the results. I’ve seen the results before. I know I can do it and push really hard. It makes me look good, it makes me stronger, it makes me more attractive, and i get in better connection with myself. I’m learning how to strengthen not just my body, but my mind.

4. I like spending time with my son. - Why? Well, he’s my son. He gives me life. He gives me purpose. He’s funny. He’s such a beautiful baby boy, and he’s mine. Even as a baby, where we know sometimes they don’t put us in the best of moods because of everything else going on in our lives, at the end of the day, we love them. They’re innocent. They’re trying. They want to do as much as they can and have as much as they can, just like us. It’s a wonderful learning experience.

5. I like being alone. - Why? I am left without outside worry. How? Well, if I’m alone. I don’t have to worry about being affected by things that I feel like I can’t get rid of. I don’t like having too close of ties because most of the time i’m just by myself. The only one I keep around is my son. I’ve been really judgmental, and easily affected lately. Since, me and my ex split, I never wanted to come in conflict with things. Not having to worry, and not putting myself out in comfortable positions is valuable to me. That could also be a problem. I’m cutting myself off from opportunities, based on the chance that I might not like what happens. So, this needs to be reevaluated.

6. I like to read. - Why? It teaches me so many things that I didn’t know. It let’s me get in touch with other peoples’ lives. It helps me connect and understand myself. I’m not the greatest with reaching out to people, especially people who are so huge in the world and are trying to have their own personal lives, but can’t. Either way, reading has helped me reach parts of these peoples’ lives that I never thought possible. It’s like asking for information without trying to pry it out of them or hunting them down. 

7. I like talking to people. - Why? It makes me feel normal. I wasn’t the greatest at talking to strangers as I was growing up. I was always shy. I was scared of being judged or being looked at in any strange unacceptable way. I also had no confidence in myself. I had no self esteem. I think it’s because my thoughts were always put down because they didnt follow the norm. They didnt follow the standards. That was coming from anywhere in my family. That’s where I remember it most. I still recently remember it coming mostly from my brother, someone who I don’t constantly remember having around. I never trusted him. I was never able to actually make mistakes in life. I couldn’t make the mistakes that were going to build my character. Also, my dad. I was afraid of him and what he would think. Of course, we’re worried about our parents putting us down because we love them the most but they’ll judge us the most. Their words and thoughts were drilled into my head, so I’d go into the mirror and I’d tell myself that same shit before I heard come out of their mouths. Now, the really sad part. My mom. My mom always wanted to lift me up with any of my ideas, but she would love to omit the truth of her opinion, where she would tell me how wrong or dumb it might have been. It’s that same way how your mom plays super nice to your girlfriend, but once you break up, she’s talking all this shit saying she knew the whole time... remember that? yeah, so I stopped asking my mom for advice on my dreams and ideas because in all honesty, my mom didn’t pursue her dreams, even now. She’s also pretty indecisive. So, there’s my jackass brother who tries to make everyone like him or be right all of the time. Then, my scary dad who was hard to figure out, but i never wanted to disappoint, but also didnt give me the time and support I needed, and recently told me to do what I love as a life career. Lastly, my indecisive mom, who couldn’t teach me to make my own decisions. Those all ruined me socially. I wasn’t confident, i was scared, and indecisive. How the fuck do you socialize with that personality?

8. fuck, after all that ^? i guess... i like to learn about myself. i like to run my mouth. i like to reflect. i like to talk about me, and i like to have the attention on me. honest fucking truth. - why? well, it makes me feel fucking good. knowing more about me, let’s me make changes. the things that make me feel wrong, or stupid, or that are flawed, or even unacceptable in my own eyes, should be known to me. i could go through my whole life being ignorant about my own problems. there could be roadblocks keeping me from having a better life. people might not even tell me about it. so, yes, i love to talk about me. i love to talk about other people, but i love to let them know about me too. it’s not just all about me like im bragging. its about hey this is who i am, how can we collab? that’s really it. tell me where i can improve. tell me what you notice about me. tell me what i seem to obsess over. tell me more. help me improve. 

9. look, this is it for this post... Lastly, I like to love. i love to love. - why? because it fucking feels good. I miss loving. i used to throw my heart out there. but ive ended up in turmoil. i dont know why things got so bad. and then i also looked at them, thinking, maybe i couldve done way better. maybe i couldve had higher standards or more confidence. my mind takes charge these days because my heart wasn’t smart. but when i loved and i was in love, man i was so happy. i could just let go and be vulnerable. i could be free. i felt freedom when i loved. i loved knowing that this one person was there for me. i loved having someone who had to listen to my bullshit, until i realized that they didnt care all that much... but i had someone around you know? that felt good. now, i just got my son. and it feels good to love him. i just can’t really talk with him or get any feedback. i feel like im just monitoring him half of the time and trying to learn about him. i just wanna be in his position haha. love feels good. especially with all of the cute things. they’ll bright your world up and make you do great things. it just sucked when it flipped around and you performed like shit in everything else. i just dont want to feel like im guarding myself all of the time anymore. i just want to be free. love gave me that.

(this post concluded @ 1050 PM)