#anyways im posting regularly???? its the world ending???

[duu-kiwi]

sunfish bastards, panel redraws and a ✨clown✨

[lokh]

being like man i probably gotta talk to people/make friends. finding out ways to make that happen irl and being like ykno what nevermind

[itsbebebrainrotting]

Analysis of qtubbo and qphils separate parenting flaws which might get me chased with pitchforks so im not tagging it:

(Long so under a cut)

Phils issue, when it comes to the other eggs, really boils down to his isolation. He only prioritises Chayanne and Tallulah (and he prioritises them by a lot) and only really knows Chayanne and Tallulah. And thats because he doesnt hang out with the other eggs often (and gets panicky when taking care of 3 eggs at once so never really gets to know them).

To him, dapper has cool shit, richas is just mischievous and sunny just likes money. This, as a start, just messes up his interactions with some eggs because he acts more familiar with them than he is and doesnt take a chance to know them better. This is worsened by how non serious and out of rp phil often is because when phil isnt rping the eggs still are. They will take his jokes srs. (And its especially bad with sunny cuz sunny is so defensive of tubbo, who qphil makes fun of a lot, and he also places that same relationship onto sunny, even if he doesnt know her well enough to have that relationship).

He also always prioritises his kids to the point of almost putting other kids down. It was RICHAS at fault in that argument over that painting he had with tallulah (cuz phil doesnt know richas enough to know he had an actual issue there). Phil didnt look for dapper when he was kidnapped and at risk of dying. Sunny and Leo fighting was none of his business. When sunny was sad their pa was gone phil compared it to his daughters loss and accidentally minimised their upset.

And the thing is, qphil isnt even perfect with chayanne and tallulah (enderking aside). He sees chayannes feeling of duty to everyone and encourages it rather than noticing how worrying it is. He also is seemingly unaware how deep it runs, considering how long it took him to notice chayannes hurt after tubbos death (and, may i add, chayannes egg bit with tubbo was way more heavily played into by phil than by tubbo). Hes seemingly a bit more attentive with tallulah (though notably i feel less knowledgeable on tallulahs woes nowadays than i used to - oh how the tides change). I know she struggles with loneliness and abandonment issues, and afaik hes very aware of that. But his own isolation therefore backfired a lot on her and he really doesnt notice. (Note: post reset i would also say qphil is probably less isolated but i cant really since i dont watch him and also most of the post reset phil has been enderking affected)

However, I wouldn't say qphil is a bad father to chayanne and tallulah. He just has one big flaw: He doesnt see the negative effects of some of his own actions and they suffer because of it.

Anyway, now to qtubbo, cuz im a tubbling and this analysis should be fair to both crows and tubblings.

Firstly, lets address post revival tubbo. Hes a lot more direct about his hurt and feelings, which manifests into him being mean and short tempered at times because qtubbo puts up with a lot of shit. This backfires at times onto his relationship with the eggs as he directs a lot of unnecessary anger onto them. He guilted both richas and chayanne for his death, for example.

That, however, isnt the only reasons he is a flawed egg caretaker.

See, qtubbo doesnt (always) have the same issues as phil. He babysits often and knows the eggs he regularly takes care of them really well, caring for them almost as much as he cares for sunny. The only egg id say he really didnt try to get to know at first was dapper (but he went out of his way to resolve the beef there). But, he also went to the end of the world and back for dapper so...

Tubbos issues with the eggs are more about his difficulty providing emotional comfort, than anything else.

For a start, both q and cc tubbo use humour as a coping mechanism. He will make poorly times jokes in dark situations because its his way of coping and dealing in those moments. That leaves eggs feeling hurt cuz he seems a lot less serious than they are.

Then theres the fact that while he lets the kids be kids, he also can struggle with telling the emotional age of the kids (he said sunny was 11 💀). This means he can sometimes act like the kids can handle a lot worse than they can.

Plus, his need for petty drama means he will accidentally upset the kids and not care that them fighting will upset them.

Not only that but he struggles at times to help sunny when she has issues (such as leo and tallulah disliking her at first) in part becayse he himself struggled with those issues irl. Of course he doesn't take the smart course of action there because he doesnt know how to fix it irl, let alone in rp.

Oh and all that also ignores the fact that tubbos suicidal tendencies are pushed onto sunny to the point where they literally have a suicide pact together

So, no, in short, qtubbo isnt perfect either. But that comes from struggling at times to be emotional support as well as his own poor mental health, which is entirely different to phils issues, which stem from his tendency to isolate (and a bit of a lack of self awareness).

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[ceasarslegion]

honestly i think if this site finally dies to a ceo meltdown (which might be the only thing that can kill it lmao) i think... it would be for the best to just leave this place and the communities it fostered buried

I won't go to cohost, or bluesky, or anything. Y'all can catch me on my already made social (1) (discord. Im not giving anybody my facebook account with my full name on it after the death threats ive gotten over the years here) if you want, but this site has been going downhill ever since the advent of cringe culture and ace discourse circa 2015. It feels like recent months have been hurtling towards the logical conclusion of the turbo-echo chamber this site exists in. I seriously miss the era where it was just superwholock jokes and the only drama you'd hear about was the occasional bone-stealing witch level shit that everybody would go "lmao what" about and then go back to their regularly-scheduled movie discussions. Maybe i'll go back to pinterest at most and spend the rest of my time in fandom and furry forums and AO3. It would compel me to write and draw a lot more.

And honestly, I think tumblr finally getting the plug pulled on its long-dying life support may be legitimately helpful for a lot of the users who yanked this site's culture away from that and into the echo chamber. They might like, go outside for once. I know "touch grass" is a cliche or whatever but I do think a lot of this echo chamber can be chalked up to sitting on the computer all day and never getting exposed to anybody outside of your self-imposed internet echo chamber. Go outside, get some fresh air.

Also, it won't be the end of the world. If your free time and happiness is really that contingent on any one social media site then it may be for the best to take it away from you. Learn how to entertain yourself without it. There's a whole world out there to explore. Find something else to do. Pick up new hobbies, look into events in your area. Get really into some weird niche hobby and spend all that time doing that instead of just posting on a different website if this one's finally done. Remember that 4chan guy whose life turned around after he got really into raising shrimp instead of discoursing on 4chan all day? Maybe it's time to find your shrimp raising hobby instead of just posting the same things and perpetuating the same cycles on a different site.

I'm not saying to go full amish and abandon the internet altogether but i am saying that if this website has consumed so much of you that the prospect of it imploding is this upsetting to you, maybe you need to start raising shrimp for a while. I think it would be good for you.

Idk man, I'm chilling in my chair here but if it goes, she goes. I'll find something else to do, but this site hasn't been the tumblr I stuck around for for a long time now, so it won't be the end of the world for me if it ends. I'd just grab my favourite mutuals discords and head out to get more into the furry fandom and write more fic instead. I never wanted to be exposed to this much of the everything on this site anyway, I joined for the memes and the fandom content way back in 2010 and then just never really left.

[booksandpaperss]

some ramble-y thoughts on men's social isolation and women's safety bc this has been on my mind for a bit

I do think it's really sad how men end up feeling so isolated bc of various social expectations as well as people being cruel, but as a fem presenting person I have to say that you can't just expect women and anyone who is fem presenting to just "start being nicer". ive seen a few posts on Tumblr essentially stating that but I have to reiterate it is about safety. I literally cannot afford to stop looking at men with caution and assumed violence until I get to know them really well bc if I stop that could genuinely cost me me life. its true that most men I see probably are not predators and im sure it hurts to be perceived that way, but I have no way of being able to tell who is and isn't going to harm me. I have to assume the worst because it is the only way I can stay safe.

it sucks, it really does, for all parties involved. I have so much sympathy for the men who are genuinely kind and would never hurt me that feel isolated, it isn't fair, and I myself certainly don't enjoy the *necessary* fear that the random guy im passing on the street could see me and decide to hurt me, but this is the reality of the world. there is no easy solution, but what certainly isn't a solution is expecting women to start being kinder to men they dont know because once again: that could genuinely cost someone their life.

The best solution right now I think is to continue to try to deconstruct misogyny and gender roles, and that takes time, patience, and understanding.

I have also seen the notion on here that men feeling isolated socially is misandry, but the reality is that misandry is simply not real on a systemic scale. men feeling isolated is a direct result of the patriarchy and a side affect of misogyny. a lot of things on this website that are perceived as misandry are either not real problems or they are but they're just the impacts of misogyny and the gender roles that come with it.

But it is very surreal to be walking alone at night, clutching my pepper spray and glaring whenever a man I don't know is near me, making sure to stay next to the street and make it obvious I know exactly where I'm going and still feeling the fear that it might not be enough and something horrible could happen to me anyway, only come back to Tumblr and see people saying misandry is just as prevalent as misogyny and women need to start considering how it feels for men to be looked at like they're predators. Touch grass seems like an applicable statement here.

oh and obligatory piss on the poor tumblr disclaimer: I know I am using binary terms so before any of you get on your high horse about it, I myself am non binary. I am not actually a woman, but I certainly look like one and therefore deal with misogyny. I fully understand that trans men and genderqueers of all kinds as well as even feminine cis men also fear for their life on the street so dont even think abt getting on my ass about that. oh and if any of you try to call this a terf post consider yourself blocked with a recommendation to get a refresh on what terf actually means instead of just throwing around the term when you see any post trying to talk about misogyny :D

final disclaimer bc I wanna cover all my bases due to Tumblr reading comprehension: im aware topics like this are very nuanced with lots of layers, please dont act like im obligated to cover all that in a random Tumblr post of all things, I cannot possibly cover everything nor am I obligated to. I simply wanted to remind ppl that actual lives are at risk and fem presenting people constantly and regularly fear for their life bc I feel like that gets left out a lot in conversations like this on here. <3

[shiftingtomydrs]

I've never read the Shatter Me series despite my friend telling me to so what's your dr like?

thanks so much for asking <3

i already made an introduction post for the dr which you can find here

spoiler alert under the cut for prolly all the books since my head likes to mix up what info is in which book

the shatter me series is set in a dystopian world, basically humans fucked the world up enough to more or less make it unliveable in (food was poisoned cos animals ate trash and shit e.g., illnesses like cancer were very common etc.) and then the re-establishment takes over. the re-establishment was elected by the people, promising to re-establish life as they knew it (spoiler alert: they didnt) and then took over the world, turning it into district 12 from the hunger games more or less, except its more technologically advanced (the technology is used to monitor civilians tho not to help them) while the psychopaths (really theres no better word, i dont even think that word is strong enough) at the top enjoy life

now more on my backstory (its basically just juliettes backstory from the books cos i dont have a creative bone in my body):

i was created by evie sommers (juliettes mother) whos also the supreme commander (kinda like president) of oceania in a petri dish out of her dna and maybe someone elses? idk but she modified the dna to basically make me the perfect specimen for her little project. my memories of all this are erased regularly btw so i dont talk about it to other people i coincidentally meet (this is before the re-establishment took over completely, which happens when im around 13-16?) bcs what shes doing is obviously lowkey illegal. anyway at some point (in my head when im around 4-5) she starts letting me play with the kids from the other future surpreme commanders (theres one for each continent) which is also where i get my name (as a project i dont need a name so evie never gave me one) which is juliette (its a bit complicated but basically juliette in the book is really called ella so for the sake of logic ill call her ella from now on and im juliette) and was given to me by aaron cos he likes shakespear and thought it fit me soo juliette it was. after evie discovers emmalines (ellas sister) abilities she decides to abandon me and puts me into a foster family similar to ella in the u.s. (for plots aka aaron and my love stories sake) and since theres this whole plot no-matter-how-many-times-they-erase-my-and-aarons-memories-we-always-fall-in-love-again anderson (aarons dad) thought itd be funny to make ellas undercover name juliette ferrars to see if itd make aaron change his mind (he does these fucked up little experiments for fun) or smth idk i dont understand that guy. anyway my powers (also in the introduction post) start manifesting when im like 10 or so and we have to move a lot after cos i cant control my powers yet. when im 14 it all escalates when i accidentally kill a classmate with my powers (he was an ass tho not to excuse my behavior but just wanted to add that) and after that my parents decide its best for them to give up guardianship for me and hand me over to the re-establishment / government. ella at this point already escaped her family to omega point before she ever touches that little boy in the grocery store. anyway the next few years are a lot of moving in between facilities and rehabilitation centers which ends with them locking me away in an asylum when im 16 and thats the point i shift to.

after that its mostly just the plot of the books which is i get pulled out of the asylum after a little less than a year on aarons orders, he wants to use me as a weapon for the re-establishment (but secretly not), i escape with adam (temporary love interest) and get to omega point along with kenji and then anderson takes 2 hostages from omega point and wants me as an exchange, i shoot him, we kidnap aaron, bla bla adam and i break up, aaron and i have this denial thing (from my side), aaron escapes, omega point fights against the re-establishment and gets defeated, anderson shoots me to teach aaron a lesson, i survive cos aaron saves me, we find the survivors of omega point, aaron gets them on base, we kill anderson and take over north america and then after that its the other books which are a bit more complicated but i can get into that too if anyone would like me to :)

now that i read it back its a tiny little bit confusing soo if you have any questions feel free to ask <3

[caphayzardous]

things r fine just debriefing a short convo into a huge poste

caved and asked one of my damage-informed (and also reasonable-inquiry) questions through text. you can't imagine how much I don't like to take serious topics into text format, hate Getting Weird Over Text, but a) this qn always feels so unimportant in-person, yet haunts me semi-regularly when I'm alone. had told myself several times I'd just get it out of the way IRL only to be like 'psh, nah'. and b) due to recent propensity for crying - and also non-recent perpetuity of crying at ANY serious moment - I felt that just this once text was safer than IRL for keeping things sensible.

it went fine (I say that now, we'll see if my lover is actually waiting to follow it up with an honourable in-person "Call It Off Because You Were Weird", but I don't THINK that's it). I somehow got an answer very very close to the Fear Outcome but in a way that I feel okay about?

Basically confirmed what I already know. this is all re: some near-arbitrary semantics of the relationship, basically that we are dating (sike did you all think I officially worked that out before valentines, like I said I would? I did not. but I did become more confident in that truth, before this recent upset. it is a relief to have this confirmed actually tho) BUT we are not 'partners'/in a serious relationship.

if that sounds weird to you. well yeah. this is what I mean by arbitrary semantics and nebulous areas. "we are lovers and we are friends and we've been going on dates for 6 months but it's not...?" anyway, however bizarre that sounds, it feels good to me and is about what I expected and wanted.

even though: its close to what I feared, too, separated only by the nature and details of the conversation. honestly I think it just makes a difference to me to hear "lover" "friend" "date" rather than cut-and-dry "friends with benefits" though try explaining the actual difference there?? it Feels different. to me at least lmfao, there may be less distinction to her, but by god she has the tact not to say so. I think it just affirms that my soft little feelings, are okay as they are. are not entirely misplaced, even though they wont go any further. I did not have illusions about her feelings but mine are still being looked after, yeah.

think also this whole thing just feels different to... you know... the past situation that recently re-haunts me (do you know that came to a crux about this time of year as well...? and with the impending end of things, I became so scared that it would all twist up the same way). probably the fact that things are being communicated at all makes a world of difference dont you think adchsbsj!!! like it may be late in the game to re-affirm these details, but it's happening at a decent and safer moment. in that past exp, the relationship exploded in a bad way and SIMULTANEOUSLY I found out that we were not even dating... according to them. so you can see why I might be hung up what counts as dating or not.

Im not asking for love, I just wanted to know Im not being made a complete fool of (again).

talking about this always feels like Im going to get y'all saying 'oh, bri...' because I Know how it reads still (yes I am a fool all round).

I will keep an eye on myself. In that same past exp I made the mistake of convincing myself I was ok with certain things like this, only to subsequently have really volatile and opposite feelings about it. sometimes I can tamp down distress with the cool detachment of logic but ofc that bitch comes back UP, you know? so I will keep an eye on myself here to see if I'm ACTUALLY still good with this situation as it stands, or if I'm just Trying to be good with it.

a lot of blog post to say: things are alright. my chest has been aching the last few days since it got into my head that there are parallels with the past. but it finally stopped hurting, and my heartrate finally settled, after speaking with them about it - I feel soft and safe again. so I think it's safe to say it's a good outcome. I feel I can separate it from the past again.

hope we can still stick the landing and get the 'good ending' when she leaves aus and we stay friends after hehe. I believe!! I believe!! I dont want this damage to take that ending from me!

might delete this'n its a mess but wanted to get it out thx if u read lmfao

[jayisanemoig]

panic! at the emo x3 day 8

first of all sorry bout the last post i really dont like getting that serious. im all about the shitz and gigglez. i luv my life lol. also hai its been awhile sorry to my 2 readers i've just had a lot on my plate lately but now we should be getting back to your regularly scheduled program.

so yall, i was gonna tell yall before i went to the concert but um we can see how that turned out,,, anywhoo guess who i saw in concert!?!?!?! well u cant answer cuz ur just reading this and now im kinda talking to myself atp lol. i saw the greatest duo of all time, oh the child i was, depressed, holding on by a thread, and these guys helped me through it all. the one and the only's, TWENTY ONE PILOTS!!! literally worlds cannot describe how much this concert meant to me especially in the kind of stressful times im in right now. ive been listening to twenty one pilots since like 3rd grade and their music is just something that i hold near and dear to my heart. the concert itself was amazing too. it was a stadium and me and my older sibling and their friends are all kinda poor so we were up in the nosebleeds :/ but honestly i dont think it really made a difference because between all the theatrics and both josh and tyler randomly appearing in the stadium seats it still is one of the best concerts ive been to.

so ive been gone awhile haha, and theres kinda a better explanation for that. last thursday i left for a trip with my aunt, uncle, and lil cousin to go hiking and stuff in michigan. and it was an alright trip. i didn't have any weed during the trip so thats what kinda made it "alright" TwT which to some may seem a lil addictive but i can assure you that im not addicted lol :0 i really only use when im going out or trying to calm down im not a day to day user usually. but anyways i had wanted to bring some so i could use while we went on our hike and also on the boat tour but things happened and the plug did not show :( (aka my older sibling was gonna give me a dispo they didnt like but they ended up not being able to run it to me before i left) but it was still a cool trip i enjoyed the scenery of the national parks we went to n stuff and the hike was also so cool and ill never forget it. i also lost my belly button ring on that hike. i went in with it on and left with it missing ig?!?!? but yeah that kinda sucked ig but luckily the hole didnt close by the time i got home so yeah a win is a win.

[valodia]

OK re that last post/drawing. Lets elaborate on that and add the music score rating. This will sound insane btw. Its highly subjective.

Ou. ter Wil.ds

Gameplay: 5 stars - introduces simple but cool features, nothing extraordinary for my taste but serves what it does perfectly. Low res visuals: 4 stars - just fine, low res as i like it, doesnt crash your computer just watching a LP. loses a star bc its 3d obviously Aes/scenery: 5 stars+ - such creative and artistic sights. awe inspiring. just the DLC's world is incredible by itself but everything is different and unique Mood/vibes: 5 stars+++++ infinite - makes me cry just thinking about it. perfect perfect perfect cannot understate this Storytelling: 5 stars+ - the way the story is told tells just enough and leaves you to figure the rest out, exactly as everything should be. any other type of storytelling is garbage but thats my own subjective opinion Innovation: 5 stars - never seen a game like this. Symbolism: 5 stars+++++ infinite - watched a bunch of hours long analysis videos and learned something about the themes every single time. i still feel like it has more to tell too Worldbuilding: 5 stars+. so creative so creative so creative. sadly the storytelling style doesnt allow for more depth which is fine the way it is for this style. but i yearn to know more Music score: 5 stars+++++ infinite - sound design in general is perfect. idk what else to say its just amazing. not my fave music style though but perfect for what it does here and the associated emotions are gut wrenching. Bonus replayability rating: 0.5 stars - i want to wipe my memory to experience it again, over and over. considering not interacting with it for 10 years to try it again from the top. not likely as im hyperfixating on it currently.

Ken.shi Gameplay: 5 stars+++++ infinite - i never want any other style of gameplay in a game. Low res visuals: 3 stars - low res as i like it. unfortunately this isnt 2d. would have matched the aes so much better. the game is beautiful but could be more which is why this rating is low. Aes/scenery: 4 stars - would be 5 but so much space is empty. it serves the vibe of the game but its also overkill lets be honest Mood/vibes: 4 stars - great. could be better though. see above Storytelling: 5+ stars - i think it isnt infinite stars only bc ive known this game for years and became a bit jaded by it. otherwise my absolute fave style of storytelling. tell almost nothing and speculate. every art do this or die Innovation: 5 stars+ - comes up with so many cool ideas that it actually makes you feel like there are more than there are. anyway unprecedented, never been done before, etc etc etc. the gameplay, the concepts, etc etc. Symbolism: 4 stars - there are a lot of things to say about it. provided that you speculate correctly. could be more but fine the way it is. Worldbuilding: 5 stars+++++ infinite - perfect. Music score: 2.5 stars - its fine but loses at least one star bc part of it makes it annoying. not very diverse either. i usually just turn it off. otherwise great vibes for it. Bonus replayability rating: 4.5 stars - never tire of starting over, in fact its way more fun than the end game stage. play regularly Now lets do Dar.k Chr.o.nicle. Gameplay: 4 stars - cool features for a game like this. Low res visuals: 4 stars - its got that playstation/gamecube goodness Aes/scenery: 4.5 stars - some areas are so pretty Mood/vibes: 4 stars - makes me feel nostalgic and like the world is simple and good, which is kind of the point bc it has black and white retro rpg morality. Storytelling: 2.5 stars - its fine, very conventional for the genre. the time travelling mechanic is incredibly cheesy, best not to think about it too much. Innovation: 3.5 stars - introduces many features ive never seen in a rpg, but at its core stays very true to its genre. Symbolism: 1 stars - good will prevail no matter what and people are evil bc theyre hurt. doesnt really have any deeper themes. Worldbuilding: 2.5 stars. actually 1.5 stars only due to elves and moonfolk Music score: 5 stars - one of my fave instrumentals ever comes from this song and i just still listen to the OST regularly despite the fact that ive played this game as a child first and foremost. ive never forgotten its music Bonus replayability rating: 3 stars - 1 star due to nostalgia factor and another bc its nearly impossible to complete everything. i come back to this game about once every few years

i hope ive been exhaustive otherwise ill edit this. if you read all this wow. really?!

[whitehartlane]

yeah! it must be interesting to go from games with the people you regularly play with to a completely different assortment of people & in (comparatively) limited time too. would love to get into the heads of people who strategize teams lineups lol!

oh i hadn’t heard about that! i dont think ive actually watched much of you quiz before 🤔 ill have to figure out where its available. also for ila! i think hwang heechan has done an episode for them previously? i dont remember who was hosting at the time though.. i mainly pay attention to eps where they’re cooking in the thumbnail lol >.< it’ll be exciting to see what guesung’s ep is like though! im still suprised with how quickly content is planned to come out though, like wow.. sounds so busy to go almost straight from a world cup to all this!

hm.. if diet (?) isnt a constraint, personally i think a drinking show would be fun to see just because i like that sort of balance of chatty but not super personal. i think its particularly fitting since they’re not like. formal celebrities? idk, i guess for some people the draw really is the fame but i cant help but think it must be at least a little awkward for the people that just wanted to play a game professionally lol ;w;

also the idea of we got married is killing me, whenever i hear the name i just think of how people used to call it we got bearded 🤣 in the alternate reality where it was still airing, that would be an absolutely hilarious episode 😭😭

yes!! i saw heechan’s photoshoot for marie claire too and it was cool! like definitely a different direction than i expected tbh, i liked the one photo with the pearl necklaces particularly ; well, no idea how offers are handed out but my only hope is that whatever shoot he ends up doing isnt for something like burberry or gucci.. like maybe i just do not have the taste for that.. kind of fashion but i do nott like the clothes they have to wear for those specific brand endorsements 😭😭

oh and sorry i just noticed the tags on your post with them in the swimming and djskfjjs he is very otter emoji.. 🦦

hope your week has been going well btw!!!

hiii anon!! omg i would love to be a fly on the wall when they decide the starters or the team lineups, stuff like that is so interesting to me! ofc i have my own opinions on who should be starting but it’s interesting to see what professional coaches or managers think and the way they strategise ☺️

you quiz is available on dramacool!! at least that’s where i catch my eps haha. and yes heechan was the first football player to be on ila, i think it was around 3 months ago? anyway forgot to mention it but his ep was literally so cute 🥺 loved seeing his interactions with his teammates and fans!! and it cracked me up bc all the hosts were wearing wolves (heechan’s team in the prem) or sk nt jerseys (even fabien who was hosting at the time) apart from key 😭 it KILLED me 😭 but yeah i’m rly rly excited for guesung’s ep too!! i hope he gets to be on the actual show and interact with the hosts, unfortunately heechan couldn’t bc he was already back in the UK at the time 🥲 guesung must be so busy like with all these variety show things + rumours that he might be trying to transfer during the winter transfer market + if he doesn’t, then k league starting in feb … the life of a footballer is not easy I suppose 😭

oh yeah i agree w you, i do like the vibe of chattiness that a lot of the drinking shows have! it truly must be kinda awkward to have to go through pr lessons and figure out what you want your TV Persona to be as a football player like damn you’re rly just here to play football 😭 AND HELP WE GOT BEARDED … haven’t heard that in a while 😭 man imagine them pairing up the players … the superior timeline 🙏🏾

yes heechan’s photoshoot was rly lovely! i like the one that seungho did for dazed korea too!! i’m not picky about what brand honestly but i have to agree that i don’t like a lot of gucci photoshoots 😭 the clothes are just not my personal taste 😭 though i do have my exceptions! and YESSS guesung is so ��🦦🦦 in those pictures … i saw someone say he looks like a baby floating for the first time in those mommy&me swimming lessons and it’s funny but also SO TRUE 😭

my week has been kind of exhausting but i’m doing okay!! hope your week has been going well too 🥰🫂

[dualityvn]

me theory posting again? more likely than you might think

Demo Spoilers below

now that my ban on talking about this has finally been lifted since its now out in the open, lets talk about some things. so, the boys exist as two entities in one body, they both have their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, but when those align, they can co-exist in the body at the same time. this can be painful (see that one 'bad' end) because Keith's body isnt built to hold more than one person at a time. speaking of, it is technically Keith's body, it was the one made by his parents that he would have inhabited alone without Tenebris' being there, and Tenebris has a different form that is entirely his own. they are not aware of the outside unless they are the person actively in control, but they can share thoughts and dialogue with each other when only one is in control.

now that we have that all established, which does answer like, all of my initial questions, we're gonna get off on a tangent. now, this hasnt really come up before, but one of my favorite things to theorize about is morality issues, specifically when it comes to controlling the narrative a person sees. and i see a Very Delicious moral dilemma with Keith and Tenebris and how Keith is like, the only person Tenebris regularly interacts with.

let me explain. like it or not, we are all a product of the things we interact with on a daily basis and the experiences we gain from those experiences. whether its the lessons we learned from our parents as children, or the interaction we have with our friends on a daily basis, the way other people interact with us is fused with who we are and how we react, even if just on a subconscious level. now lets apply this to the boys. Keiths parents hated Tenebris, and treated Keith coldly as a result. This would be hard on anybody, but especially young children who arent able to really understand the complexities of the situation they were in. this would also continue to be a problem, due to the nature of their inseparability making it hard for either of them to make friends, Keith having difficulties because of Tenebris' existence in his life and Tenebris having difficulties because he's not human, and also presumably because he's not around all that much. this makes socializing hard to impossible for both of them, leading to the state we see Tenebris in in the Demo.

Presumably, Keith is the one who has taught Tenebris everything he knows about humans/the human world/ human customs, but theres still a lot of holes in his knowledge as we can see demonstrated by Tenebris thinking it is alright and normal to just,, show up in our house. There are things that Keith has forgotten to mention because he thinks of them as pure common sense, common sense that Tenebris doesn't have because he never had a social support network to allow him to develop common sense. Keith can't be expected to have explained everything to Tenebris perfectly, especially when Keiths own understanding of the world might be a little skewed.

Lets not forget that they are Both Yanderes, Keith's twisted idea of love may stem from his abandonment issues, but its still there. and considering that Keith is the one who teaches Tenebris everything, its no small wonder that their combined "love" for the MC was enough to put them in sync enough to co-exist completely.

basically what im getting at here is that Keith is the epitome of an unreliable narrator and having an unreliable narrator as your only consistent source of information about the world leads to a very fucked up idea about the world. im not saying that Keith would lie to Tenebris on purpose, i dont even know if he could since they read each others thoughts, but if the lie isnt on purpose then thats a whole different game.

anyway, yeah, Thoughts. once again, congratulations on the demo release!!

I've missed your huge theory asks, Cacti.

But the funny thing is, Tenebris wasn't born at the same time as Keith. Yeah, he was also a "kid" when he entered his body, but he also got a small amount of knowledge from his own species. He started out with a few prejudices, if you can call them that.

In truth, the two of them being together kinda resulted in Tenebris getting better and Keith getting worse :') Since Keith did his best to teach Tenebris compassion and empathy, things that he did not have. But the struggles and trauma he suffered along the way tore at Keith's mind.

As for the yandere tendencies. Well I don't wanna spoil anything for you guys.

[manonblaqkbeak]

Dating and Goodreads

Back for Day 8-Blind date (how the hell do u guys come up with good title fics i struggle so bad lol). I wasn’t really going anywhere with this one, but when i read all of the others and saw how fun the fics were, i decided to finish this one.

also for Summertime and Fresh Strawberries, I deliberately left it blank but I can’t hold onto the secret bc two people were curious as to what happened, so i’ll let the rest of you know that aelin and rowan decided to keep summer and be a cute little family, bc im a sucker for happy endings lol (unless its angst, it’s safe to assume that all my rowaelin fics have happy endings bc they’ve all ready been thru so much and even in alt fics i need them to be happy lmao)

anyway, on to the next one. hope you enjoy!

1.8k words

cw: none

Aelin was a confident woman, something that she was proud of. But that didn't mean that there weren't times she didn't feel self-conscious or awkward and full of doubt.

Because right now, all those negative feelings were swimming inside of her.

And those feelings were just magnified today, especially since she had gotten fired only a few hours beforehand. It was utterly unexpected, she had never received any prior warnings, and while she was a fighter, Aelin didn't feel like stepping into the ring for this one. Not when her boss was a demon from hell that made life unbearable and she had to physically push herself into entering the work building.

Aelin told herself that it was for the best. She was miserable there and hated working in an office typing up the worlds most boring reports and working in a space that was entirely too drab.

But she wasn't looking forward to job hunting. Aelin was aware that she could ask her friends for favours, but if Aelin did something wrong, she didn't want it reflected back onto whoever helped her.

And she was still a little peeved over the damned argument she had online again with that haughty prick on Goodreads. Aelin wasn't sure why those arguments kept going, but each time she would post a review, White Tailed Hawk would respond, telling her that she read the book wrong and this and that and blah blah blah.

Aelin repaid the favour each time, telling him how he was wrong and he had no reading comprehension skills. And on and on it went until Aelin or whoever the fuck that guy was went back to their own lives.

Depressingly, it was the most fun she had some days.

Shaking her head, Aelin forced herself to think of the now and not of her shitty day. Still she sighed, not quite believing that she had agreed to this blind date. Couldn't believe that she had let Aedion convince her it was a good idea.

Aelin had said no at first, after Aedion had voiced his offer, and her cousin left it at that. But days went past, and he would bring up the topic of Rowan, about the things he had said that day, how his dry sense of humour took some time to get used to but once you figured it out, he was actually pretty funny, how he had finished a project perfectly and this and that.

But it got to her, annoyingly. So the other day when he was helping her out with some housework that was a two person job, Aelin told him to set up this date. Aedion cheered as if it was the best thing he had ever heard, telling her how she and Rowan were the perfect match for each other.

Aelin rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything of the assessment.

She had only agreed because it was getting frustrating being asked at every family event if she was dating someone, when she was going to give her parents grandchildren (that question pissed her off the most, as if Aelin was nothing but a birthing machine and that was all Aelin could contribute to society), and who was going to look after her when she was old if she didn't have children (because apparently carers didn't exist).

Aelin was also lonely—she could entertain herself just fine, but she did like the idea of coming home and talking to someone that could respond. She loved Fleetfoot and her enthusiasm when Aelin came home, but human companionship would be nice.

But Aelin didn't have high-hopes for this date because the universe liked to kick Aelin's ass from time to time, she suspected that they were going to hate each other.

Taking a deep breath, Aelin got out of her car, smoothed down her romper and went inside the restaurant, head held high.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't believe that he was about to go on a blind date. That Aedion had convinced him to go out with his younger cousin. He hadn't dated anyone since Lyria and he knew that his dating skills were going to be rusty as hell. He had been with Lyria since they were nineteen, married at 23 and divorced at 31; he had been single for the last two years.

It had been...fine, a little strange, after being with someone for so long to find himself a bachelor. Rowan never thought that he would apart from Lyria, but their relationship had just faded. Long before the divorce, it had been more like a housemate relationship than a marriage. He wasn't surprised when his ex-wife had come home after work with divorce papers. He had only stared at the paperwork for an hour before he signed the forms. Truthfully, Rowan was just glad that he was still on good terms with Lyria, that they could still talk to one another from time to time.

Rowan had almost called her earlier today, to ask how the hell dates went, but felt that it would have been crossing some invisible line, so he didn't call and instead had Googled the questions instead.

They didn't really help.

Rowan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, telling himself that if things went wrong, then it wasn't the end of the world. That if he had to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, then that was fine. He had plenty of ways of keeping himself busy—he had a good career, a nice house, plenty of books to read and to argue online about them with.

He had one earlier today, actually, with Queen of Wildfire about a new release that Rowan had eagerly read within days of its release. And once again, he ended up with an argument with the woman about the messages and themes within the book.

It was stupid, he knew, to be at his age and to be fighting online with a stranger, but something about this woman just had his fingers flying over the keyboard.

Some days he looked forward to it, as embarrassing as that was to admit. He didn't really want to look into himself to figure out what it all meant.

Eyes drifting to the dashboard, Rowan realised that his date was about to start. Popping a mint into his mouth and smoothing out his clothes, Rowan took a deep breath and left the car and went to his first date in twelve years.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad.

X X X X X X

The date had started out a little awkward, but that wasn't a surprise to Aelin, because what blind date started smoothly?

It picked up after Rowan admitted that he was divorced and that he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. Aelin appreciated that stark honesty and admitted that she too had no idea what to do.

Since then, the conversation went well, the food was good and Aelin had even swiped a few bites of his dinner because it just looked so much better than hers. Rowan had playfully grumbled underneath his breath, but smiled as he said it.

It was going really well. Maybe the universe had decided to give her a break for the rest of this evening. There was a part of her that maybe wondered if they would have sex, because the man did look fucking fantastic, but at the same time, she didn't want to rush anything in case this actually turned into something more.

“What's the dumbest thing that you've done recently or in the past?” Aelin asked. There was no such thing as small talk between them—Aelin had all ready asked if he believed in aliens and was glad when he said yes, because “it's ridiculous to think that we're alone in this wide universe of ours. It makes sense that there'd be other lifeforms out there.” Which was pretty damned close to Aelin's reasoning as well, so asking him about stupid moments felt like nothing in comparison.

Rowan smirked at the question and took a moment to think before answering. “I engage in online arguments.”

“Really? About what, exactly?”

“It's stupid. But my all my arguments occur on Goodreads of all places. Not Facebook, or YouTube, or Twitter, but Goodreads. It's never anything insulting but just arguments about how wrong some people's in depth reviews are.”

“Fair enough,” Aelin said, “I've been known to do the same thing as you. There's this one user on there, White Tailed Hawk—a stupid name if you ask me—and he just never...” Aelin stopped when she noticed that he stopped eating and was just looking at her weirdly. “Rowan? Are you okay?”

“Do you, by any chance, go under the name of Queen of Wildfire?”

Aelin blinked, and then blinked again, and once the pieces fell into place, she knew right then and there that the universe really hated her. She let out a harsh laugh, the sound echoing throughout the space. Aelin wasn't really sure what to say, because it was true what he said; it had never been insulting, but ending up on a date with the man she had regularly arguments with was just...she had no words, other then, “It really is a stupid name.” She took a sip of her wine, needing to do something other than wanting to bang her head against the table.

“I couldn't think of anything else to write.” And it wasn't also his favourite animal, he had told her that earlier.

They lapsed back into the awkward silence of earlier, both picking at their food.

But Aelin didn't want this night to go to waste. “It'd be stupid to let something as small as this get in the way of whatever this could be,” Aelin said, deciding to be blunt.

Rowan nodded. “It would be. Although I have to be honest, you really have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to Call of the Wild Winds.”

Aelin just about stormed off when she noticed his playful smile, his eyes sparkling bright. Laughing, Aelin threw a bread-roll at his handsome face, and once he caught it and split it in half for them to share, they went back to their earlier conversation.

And when Rowan walked her to her apartment door and kissed her on the cheek goodnight with a promise to text her later, Aelin couldn't help herself by telling him that all his opinions sucked and that he had no idea what he was talking about—all with a big smile on her face as Rowan sputtered as she closed the door on his face.

They spent the rest of the night texting, and all of Aelin's earlier woes faded away. And she looked forward to tomorrow, despite the horror of job hunting. Maybe the universe will finally let things turn around for the better for her.

Aelin went to sleep with a smile on her face, all because of White Tailed Hawk.

And on the other side of the city, Rowan also fell asleep with a smile on his face.

[teruthecreator]

im rlly bored and DESPERATELY want to get high rn so here’s some random dr thoughts related to it: 

kris smokes weed pretty regularly (asriel used to get it from burgerpants, and then when he moved to college he moved in w a friend--coughcoughCHARAcoughcough--who grows and sells. so whenever he goes home he makes sure to leave kris a few pre-rolls in case they need them). it helps them be more social and makes them feel a little more in control of their body (even when their soul isnt being manipulated im sure the effects put them in a weird dissociative state related to their body--the weed helps). they usually have to wait until toriel’s asleep to do it bc they would get LITERALLY ROASTED if she knew about it (years down the line they’ll get a prescription but for rn they just have to shove blankets into the crack in the door and smoke directly out the window). also definitely the type to roll up before school and show up super baked; surprisingly enough, those are the days they stay awake during class. 

noelle, despite her appearances, has smoked before (with kris). she isn’t a big fan of the taste and the process of inhaling makes her anxious about lung problems (esp w her dad in the hospital), but sometimes when she’s super overwhelmed she will partake. also i think rudy has a prescription for medical marijuana only bc the mental image of opening the hospital door to see him toking the fuck up is absolutely Hilarious. but it’s pretty typical for severely ill patients!!! anyways that’s how she gets it when kris runs out; rudy will make jokes that he’s “turned to a life of crime” before handing it over and noelle will always laugh. carol holiday has NO idea her daughter smokes btw she’d lose her mind if she did. 

susie acts like she’s smoked before but she’s only stolen cigs from her dad when he’s out of the house. she only smokes weed when she becomes friends w kris and they invite her over. she is super nervous abt weed at first (she tries to brush it off like she isn’t but she knows how she looks--if an authority figure caught her walking home smelling loud as fuck she’d get thrown right in juvy) but kris is eventually able to convince her to try it. she ends up liking how it makes her feel; she gets really calm and super focused, which is how she ends up picking up half of her grades from F’s to C-’s. she also gets even more ravenous when high so the two always have to make a midnight run to sans’ for snacks. sans knows what’s up but he ain’t a snitch. 

berdly is...well. berdly. d.a.r.e. graduate, the whole nine yards. has never even SNIFFED an alcohol. believes wholeheartedly that peer pressure is REAL so you should NEVER GO NEAR WEED OR OTHER ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES!!!!!!!!! once he realizes all of his friends have tried weed at least Once he gets like. lowkey offended??? esp at noelle. but i think they would tell him in a very intimate, private setting so he actually calms down pretty quickly and gets super curious. obviously since he’s such a “Boy Genius” he’s done his research on both the positive and the negative effects of marijuana on the body and mind, so he asks a lot of questions abt how it’s affected the others. kris actually gets super into it with him??? like they have a really nice, productive conversation and berdly actually gets chill about the whole thing by the end of it. i think it would take a few hang seshes for him to actually try it (bringing back my post of “berdly hits the blunt from the lit end and coughs so hard he throws up” bc i think its real and would happen), and he has fun! makes him very silly and loose but also a lot slower. he trips up on words and loses his thoughts a bunch, but since everyone else is laughing he doesn’t feel embarrassed. 

also obviously ralsei is the weed master 420-ing it up in the dark world. the reason he won’t show susie and kris the upstairs is bc it’s a greenery up there for all his weed strains. he is the dark world’s dealer. the dank prince. he only does edibles though. 

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[caffiine]

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS.  I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom  for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being”  but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back. 

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

 PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you.