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xzaddyzanakinx · 8 months ago

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Not That Kind of Guy

Part Five: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, one-sided relationship, arm/hand kink, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, suicide/death metaphor[Be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin is and always will be the most romantic man to exist, that is all. Psycho!Stalker!Ani loves counting idk he just does & I know it.[diary entries from Ani] [texts from Luke] extremely not proofread. MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: July 8th

You’d better be glad I’m patient, or else you’d have another dead neighbor.

When I heard the *wwoop* of your phone sending out a text on my computer I didn’t check it immediately. Until I heard four *pings* in quick succession.

‘Lukey, call me.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m in class.’

‘10 mins’

‘Or emergency?’

Remember how I said I like Luke? I like him a little bit less. Who texts like that… just write a sentence like a normal person. One sentence.

‘emergency!!’

Emergency? The panic that flooded my veins was icy-hot as I frantically pulled up a the live feed of your home and blasted the volume.

Nothing.

You were just sitting on the couch snacking on those Extra Toasty Cheezits that you love so much. (Cheezits was a marketing genius for that though, profiting off burnt ones because little weirdos like you lived for that one random burnt piece at the bottom of the bag. Goofy girl.)

That doesn’t seem very ‘emergency!!’ to me. Unless you’ve run out of Cheezits, but you haven’t. I would know.

I chewed my nails, paced the floor, and wrung out my hands. I couldn’t just walk over there and say ‘Hey! Just wanted to make sure you’re okay cause I cloned your phone and saw a concerning text! How can I help?’.

You seemed fine, you weren’t crying, you didn’t look upset. You just started scrolling through Instagram reels and rapid-fire sending them to your sister as if she’d actually watch them all. We all know she won’t, but if you ask she’ll say she did.

‘step out. emergency!!’

‘no, give me 4. it can wait.’

Jesus Luke, are you trying to make me dislike you? I can’t believe you’d make her wait like that. The girl said it’s an emergency. That means pick up the fucking phone, dial her fucking number and say ‘I’m on my way, what’s going on?’

Drop everything and fucking run. I’d jump from a moving train if I got that text from you. Train station who? I have two legs and I can run pretty fast as long as I have the right motivation.

Pass a kid on a bike? ‘Scuse me I’m commandeering this vehicle.’ I’d be the fucking flash with pink tassels and purple glow wheels.

‘Now!!’

The suspense was literally killing me. I was withering away with worry.

‘if it’s the guy again I swear to god.’

Guy? What guy? What had I missed? There was a guy in your life that wasn’t me?

‘just fucking call me.’

Yeah, you heard the girl. Fucking call her already.

“No he did not.” Luke scoffed, as if what you’d told him was the most ridiculous thing he’d heard in ages.

“I swear. I swear he did!” You giggled folding over on the couch.

“There’s no way a straight man did that for you and didn’t try to fuck.” Luke laughed. “I don’t believe you. You’re delusional.”

“I am not!” You defended, not actually hurt by his comment but wanting to prove him wrong anyway.

“I literally don’t believe you.” He let out a snort and whispered something to Han on the other end of the line. “Han said he’s still set on Ben for you.”

“I told you I am not interested. There’s a reason I never texted him!” You retorted.

“Yeah because you lost his number you pea-brain.” He teased.

“No.” You said with a slightly haughty tone. “I happen to believe it was just the universe telling me it wasn’t meant to be.”

“That’s a really good justification for loosing his number.” Han’s voice came through the speaker slightly muffled from his distance.

“Shut up both of you. You’re horrible.” You laughed. “I’m sticking to it. The universe said no and I’m no match for the powers that be, m’kay?”

“Sure babes.” Luke said, you could almost hear his stupid little smirk.

“Anyway. Yes, look I’ll send you a picture of the book okay?” You hopped up quickly and snapped a picture to send to Luke’s phone. “Cause I can’t exactly send you a picture of him helping me with my groceries.”

“Mmhmm I know because it didn’t happen.” Luke said flatly. “Hard to get a picture of a hallucination.”

You rolled your eyes and huffed, Luke was just being protective. It’s not like he was wrong, most men wouldn’t do something like that out of the kindness of their heart.

“This would be so much easier if you had an iPhone. You might be hideous but I still miss your face.” You teased, hearing Han’s booming laugh in the background.

“Whatever.” Luke grumbled, “okay, so what am I looking at here?”

“See it’s this collection of paper that has typed out wo-“

“Smartass. I mean: what’s so… cool? about it?” He interrupted.

“It’s a special edition. $50. He just gave me a special edition book without a second thought.” You said excitedly. “Remember I lost my copy not too long ago?”

“Mmm yeah I think I remember.” He said noncommittally. “You should really keep up with your shit.”

“Hey I’m doing better!” You retorted. “My life is so put together right now. You’d be amazed.”

“Delusional Han I’m telling you.” He snickered quietly.

“Oh my god! Have you no faith in me at all?” You scoffed. “I haven’t forgotten to charge my phone or take my medicine. I’ve kept everything tidy. All my important stuff stays in my bag.”

“You’ve been possessed.” Luke gasped.

“Fuck. If I have then I’ve got the sweetest demon the 7th circle could provide.” You joked. “I’ve even been sleeping better, I think maybe even boogie is happier too. She’s started sitting at the living room window to watch the pigeons again.”

“Aw, my niece.” He crooned. “My *favorite* niece.”

“What about leia’s new-“

“I said what I said.” Luke interrupted.

Diary Entry: July 8th

The way you gushed about me on the phone was everything I could’ve asked for and more. I’ve never been so fucking proud of myself. I feel like I could… I don’t know lift a fucking car or something. I feel good. This is a good feeling, to be appreciated like this.

I want you to know how happy you’ve made me today.

To hear your voice, see your face, watch your body language as you spoke about how we met and our little chat today. I could live off purely that for days. Your giggle is nourishment for my soul, your voice is honey to drink with my tea, your beauty is the sugar in the much-to-big spoon I’d use to stir it with.

That’s what life with you would be like. Tea time. It’s soft, I always think of tea time as being soft; a big blanket of comfort and security. I just feel like it’s the perfect metaphor.

You are the ingredients. The tea leaves, honey, sugar, and water.

I am the the cup and life, fate, whatever it may be, is the spoon.

Can you use all of those things separately? Sure. But would it make much sense to pour hot water on a pile of dry leaves, drizzle some honey and sprinkle sugar into a goopy puddle right on the kitchen counter?

Would it be enjoyable to drink air from a small cup and leave the spoon lonely and unused?

No.

You need me to hold you; you are so many things. All of them are perfect and all of them are uniquely you. But when joined together in a secure little cup you’ll have the opportunity to mesh those things into something new.

A cup is just a cup if there’s nothing in it. Cold and empty ceramic. Sturdy and reliable although delicate when handled irresponsibly.

Fill me with you. All of you.

You’ve already started that you know? Each tea leaf is a tidbit of you.

Your likes and dislikes. Your happiest memories and even your sad ones, your angry moments, your bad days. I love and cherish even the deepest caverns and widest chasms in your beautiful mind. Without them, you wouldn’t be you.

Please believe me when I say that even if the leaves are crumpled or incomplete… it doesn’t mean that they won’t make tea.

Honey, my favorite. Your personality. God you’re so fucking sweet it hurts. Your voice, those lovely lips that speak such well written poetry.

My love, everything you say is a hymn.

I wasn’t a religious man before you. My Goddess, I fall to my knees at the altar for you. Speak to me and you’ll sing to my very soul. Tell me truth, tell me lies, tell me those things that float through the nether. I’ll take it all as gospel.

Ask of me anything and I will spill blood, even if it is my own, to provide you with whatever you wish.

I never understood why honey was akin to the nectar of the gods until I met you.

Now I understand. To taste you is to taste life. To smell you is to breathe freely. To feel you is to be soothed.

Sugar. Do you know how many grains of sugar are in the average tablespoon? Around 60,000. The human eye processes visuals at the average rate of 13 milliseconds per image. Even faster if presented with an image that invokes emotion. Though for the purposes of math, we will go with 13 milliseconds.

13 milliseconds is about 75 frames per second. 60 seconds in one minute. 4,500 frames.

If the average tablespoon holds 60,000 grains of sugar that’s 270,000,000 frames per second.

4,500,000 minutes. 75,000 hours. 3,125 days. About 102 months. Alittle over 8 years.

I use 3 tablespoons of sugar per cup of tea.

That means by our 25 anniversary I will have been graced with every grain of your beauty.

By then I’ll probably need a few more spoonfuls if I plan to survive raising children with you. If they’re as hyperactive as you get sometimes I’ll fucking need it.

Oh well. Just more time for me to bask in your beauty.

All these things have filled me, your cup. All that I need now is water. Your love.

The kind of love that burns so hot that it bubbles up beneath your skin and makes you itch if you’re apart for too long.

That’s what happens when water boils, the atoms separate and bounce around until they come back together as the water cools.

Just like us.

I’m the flame that’s heating your water, the closer I get the hotter it’ll grow until it’s rattling the kettle, screaming to be let out and bring all the pieces together.

Adding that boiling water, your love. It will bring life to me. You’ll warm the cold ceramic shell that I’ve been for so long. Fragile and lonely and horribly handled. I might have a few chips but the foundation is strong and worthy.

A cup is just a cup if there’s nothing in it.

You give me purpose. You make me useful.

I will let our love steep. Let it steep, because you can’t make tea without all the ingredients and a water-worthy cup.

We will stir it and stir it and stir it until the the hand of fate declares us ready, I will be there for you at the *clink* of the spoon against my rim.

I will be there after to hold you until the very last sip.

I will be there until I am broken beyond repair.

If the last sip happens before my ceramic cracks… I will be quick to join you after slipping through the hands of fate.

It’s a long winded way to say that I love you, but if you wanted, I would memorize it and recite it for you every night before drift to sleep.

Diary Entry: July 12th

You’re so cute.

I don’t know how you haven’t noticed that your laundry detergent should’ve run out ages ago. I giggle like a school girl everytime I see you at the laundromat holding it up to measure it out.

I’ve started washing my stuff in the same as you, I love the way your laundry smells.

But I love the way you smell even more.

You just bought some new sheets recently and I took the liberty of ordering the same ones. What luck that we both use a queen size bed huh? The cutesy little strawberry print isn’t exactly my style but I don’t give a shit. The giddy way you opened up your package was nothing short of adorable.

You know what else is super handy about using the same detergent?

You won’t notice when I switch them out.

You’re washing them for the first time today since you just received them in the mail yesterday. I know you’re so excited to put them on and make your pretty pink bed up, I’m amazed you had the patience to wait until today to go to the laundromat. It’s open 24/7, proud of you baby. Prioritizing that good deep sleep you’ve been getting.

You’re welcome, and thank you.

Watching you sleep from the end of the bed is one of my favorite things. It just… I don’t know it makes me feel comforted to be there. It’s the closest thing to sleeping next to you that I can get right now. Then I’ll be getting some good deep sleep.

It’s hard for me to rest if I can’t reach out and make sure you’re safe.

The audio from your room is wonderful ASMR though. Your snores and snuffles and the rustling of blankets while you sprawl out and occupy as much space as your body can manage; it’s soothing to me.

Partially because I know you’re okay, partially because I was able to give you that deep rest.

You wash your sheets once a week because you love the feeling of fresh warm linens. It’s the simple pleasures of life that bring you the most joy. That’s something I adore about you.

So here’s the plan. I’m a man of my word and I promised you a reward for all your hard work didn’t I? I’m also a man who enjoys the killing of two birds with one stone.

Life goes so much more smoothly if you take the time to line up the shot.

That’s why I immediately ordered my own set as soon as I checked your Amazon account. Mine arrived today too and I’ll be stopping by the laundromat just as you’re leaving. I’ve left them in the box and put it at the bottom of my basket though, I don’t want to ruin the surprise you know?

I’m so glad I was able to hear your little chat with your friends. Not only was it a wonderful reassurance, it also allowed me to plan our encounters more closely together. I’ve made myself known to you, I’ve spaced out our previous meetings well enough to leave you wishing you’d catch me out in the hallway even for a quick hello.

Trust me I have been dying to indulge you. But if this whole relationship has taught me anything it’s: trust the process.

See you soon princess, my timer just went off. I’ll be there just in time to watch you nuzzle your face into the last warm item of clothing from the dryer before tossing it in the basket.

Date:

July 12th

You were tossing the last of your clean laundry into the basket when the bell above the door jingled. Purely out of habit you glanced over, instead of the usual stranger or semi-familiar face, it was Anakin.

He seemed not to notice you straight away, keeping his head down and walking to the washer/dryer set closest to the front window.

It was shameful the way you took this opportunity to stare and soak him up. His whole physique just screamed at the primal parts of your brain. The parts that want you to sprint across the laundromat and l seduce him into ravaging you right up against the glass he stood near. Who cares who sees? You’d be beyond proud to be spotted in the throes of passion as long as it was him who was behind you.

The way his arms moved should be illegal. How is it possible for someone to be so… lean? The veins that and corded tendons that roll beneath his skin become even more visible as his wrist gives way to his hands.

Wide palms that would be perfect for grabbing a handful of your ass. Gripping your hips to guide you down onto what you can only assume is an equally impressive cock.

Long fingers as the most elegantly carved necklace. Fingertips that could trace swirling patterns across the vast expanse of your skin. Those same fingertips caressing the slick and swollen folds that just so happened to be in desperate need of his attention.

How could you not be a puddle of a person when he locks eyes with you like that? Like he’s reading the transcript of your soul, his eyes never stayed in one place too long. He needed to take in as much of you as possible each and everytime he was in your company.

How could you not forget how to speak when he walks over to you with such confidence? His towering frame would be intimidating if he didn’t radiate comfort. He seemed like he knew he had that affect on you, or maybe he was just one of those clueless types. That special kind of man who doesn’t realize what a catch they are.

“What’s up sweet girl?” He asked with that same gritty tone that had you feigning for him in ways he’d find unholy.

“Hey Anakin.” You managed to tone down the smile that instantly spread across your face. “I was just about to leave…”

“Well isn’t that a shame.” He chuckled, his eyes darting from your lips to your eyes and back again before he looked up and away. Stretching his arm up behind his head to rub his neck.

“Hmm yeah it is.” You murmured, too distracted by the tiny sliver of skin and dark hair the peaked out from beneath the hem of his shirt.

“Eyes up baby.” He teased, his finger tapping the underside of your chin before you could even register his hand was coming toward you.

‘Jesus Christ.’

If he can make your knees this weak from a few words… it’s almost concerning to think of the state you’d be in after he rearranges your guts.

The blush on your cheeks could’ve been mistaken for a sunburn, never had you felt so fucking embarrassed and flustered at the same time. You couldn’t even be mad.

“Let me help, yeah?” He said, choosing to glaze over your blatant staring and not push it farther with the teasing comments.

Truly a gentleman.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah.” You nodded. “Thanks.”

You managed a soft smile as your brain attempted to rewire itself into working condition again. He closed the dryer and placed your detergent and fabric softener beads into your basket and carried them over to his washer/dryer combo, expecting you to follow.

He sat it down near one of the many metal folding chairs lining the wall and turned to you again, his expression one of concern? Worry? Apprehension?

“You okay sweetheart?” He asked gently. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“What?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing. “Uncomfortable? No, no.” You shook your head in realization that he must’ve assumed he’d struck a nerve with his flirtatious comment.

“You sure?” He asked.

Somehow his hands, those strong hands that you just knew would feel like heaven on your skin, had made their way to your biceps. Slowly traveling the length of your forearm to hold both of your hands in his, your fingers curved over his while his thumb rubbed your knuckles.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You nodded, shooting him a bashful smile.

His eyes searched your face like he was scanning for even the most minuscule change in expression, any twitch of your lip or shift in your line of sight that might say otherwise. When he was sure you were being truthful he spoke again.

“Alright princess,” he conceded with a warm tone. “you sticking around or headed out?”

“I’d stay to chat for a bit if I could, but I’ve gotta clock-in, in about… 45mins.” You said, thankful for the change in subject.

Anakin never failed to both confuse and amaze you. Every fucking time you spoke to him. You were tired of telling yourself he was just too damn good to be true, fuck it, he is that good.

In all your years, you’d never had a man check-in with you like that and in such a caring and considerate way… you couldn’t have dreamed up a man like this. It was a small detail of his character, but it made a world of a difference.

If you would’ve said ‘yes, that made me uncomfortable.’ you had no doubt in your mind that he would apologize and mean it. He’d mean it, apologize with his whole chest and make sure that it never ever happened again.

That was the kind of comfort and security that only a fictional love could provide.

But here he is.

In the flesh.

Maybe hearing about this, Luke might change his mind. Luke was only doing his job as your best friend and protector, shielding you from the dangers of the average Brad that you’d dated in the past. But…

Anakin’s not that kinda guy.

“You know, I don’t think you’ve ever told me where you work.” Anakin pointed out.

“Huh, I guess I haven’t.” You realized. “Bluebird Diner. It’s a good place to eat, yummy pie.”

“Oh yeah I’ve been there before!” Anakin said happily, “that butterscotch pie is so good, oh my god.”

“Right?” You agreed excitedly. “That’s my favorite. I’ll have to tell Rosa that she’s getting compliments on it. She’ll be thrilled.”

“Maybe I’ll grab a slice later.” Anakin suggested. “Before I have to go clock-in.”

“Where do you work?” You asked, finding it a bit comical that you were drooling over him but didn’t even know this basic detail of his life.

“The Cerulean.” Anakin nodded toward the window. “Just a couple blocks from here.”

“The Cerulean? What do you do, bartend?” You asked, curious as alittle itch in the back of your mind needed to be scratched.

“Mhm, I do.” He smiled.

“I think… oh my god. I think I’ve seen you there before!” You laughed. “It was a while back but I was there with some friends… you made my drink!”

“Really?” Anakin laughed. “Shit don’t make me feel bad baby, I don’t remember that.”

“I didn’t expect you too.” You giggled. “The place was packed. I can’t imagine how many people you serve a night.”

“You’ve got no idea.” He blew out a puff of air, with a chuckle.

“Well I’m due for a night out soon,” you said with a grin. “You come grab some pie later and I’ll come get a drink from you tomorrow night.”

“Sounds like a deal princess.” He beamed.

Part Six

Tag-List:

@wickedtactics @tsugumiholic @kingdomhate @burnthecheshirewitch @exquisitcorpse @arzua10 @bby-imasociopath @depressed-kay @aliciaasky @naty-1001 @mrsmikaelsxn @bunnylovesani @ausskywalker @angelsadmired @slut4starwarssmut @chocolatepalacecloudhoagie @starkiller419 @hearts4mitski4 @lethargic @allhailbuckybarnes-blog @shadowhuntyi @mortalheartache @fallinlovewithevil @sythethecarrot @chaoticantihero @vadersslut @luvvfromme @anakinsbaee @doblasftcisco @sweetcheesecakesblog @luvskywxlker @angelsadmired @kaminokatie @anakin-pilled @graveyard-stray @chiaraanatra @jediavengers @zapernz @lunalitva @salted-snailz @queenofchaos99 @ellie-luvsfics @dazednstars141 @rorysbrainrot @hopesworlld @lonaah @t8lzw @guiltycherries @syralix @doblasftcisco

THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

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sminiac · 10 months ago

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hi!! can i request bf!hunter like the ones you did with the other members? thank you so much if you do 🥰

💌 — You’re so sweet, I’m so sorry this took me so long, hopefully it meets a few expectations :,) Also this is the last member for my Bf!Xikers, isn’t that crazy?

Though Bf!Hunter’s exterior can be difficult to navigate your way around without knowing him first, because of how he’s truly such a soft, gentle being the crush to lover process is so enjoyable in every aspect. If you’re more on the introverted side he does his best in helping you toe that seemingly daunting line outside of your comfort zone, even if it’s by just a little, he’s so incredibly proud. The type to learn and pay attention to your boundaries and habits, how much you can and can’t handle and when. Just knows how to take care of a socially anxious partner because he’s so observant, so curious about the way your brain works which makes for a lot of long conversations about why you are the way you are, loves listening to you, because it means by the end of it he’ll be able to say that he knows you even better. He’s always so supportive if you manage to do something you find a little scary, or even not, “You don’t have to babe, I won’t be upset, promise.” Ugh he’s so.

Ex: Always so considerate of your state of mind, your social batteries running exceptionally low and you’re becoming a little too overstimulated by your surroundings and the boys? No worries, he’s already letting everyone know that the two of you are done for the night without over explaining why. The type to never be upset if the two of you end up leaving functions earlier than he anticipated, just wants to make sure you’re enjoying yourself and that you’re comfortable, loves how clingy you become when exhausted. Idk but he’s really built and tall right? Would be nice to be wrapped up in him after being out.

Bf!Hunter who would naturally be so protective and assertive for your sake, he’s so “Y/n doesn’t like that.” whenever the boys are pressing a little too hard about you trying something, or doing something new that can be a little irritating to the senses. The thing about it though is that he wouldn’t be mean about it either which is so whdhajsh!!! like he’d say it so politely but the firmness to his words doesn’t lessen by any.

Ex: This also makes me think of him having a habit of judging new foods based off of you taste without being asked to, he’s just so: “Mm, no, babe you wouldn’t like that,” and is quickly pointing out something else you’d like instead, he’d be so accurate with it too.

Bf!Hunter who would make you copy what he’s saying in a language you don’t speak fluently solely so he could feed into his own delusions before he knew that you liked him back. He’d be giggling so much, hands zipping up to cover his face from your sight, and he’d always refuse to tell you exactly what you said. With this, when the two of you are finally together he’d either mutter small compliments under his breath or with his whole chest in front of your face, and still, he’d never tell you what he’s saying.

Bf!Hunter who never fails to have the cutest, most visible pout whenever you’ve got any kind of lip product on because he doesn’t want to make you keep reapplying it over and over again. The same with skincare/face makeup, doesn’t want to ruin it but god does he want to kiss you so bad :( I think to compensate he’d just like to have his face as close to yours as possible without making a movement that would cause any disturbance to whatever you have on in the moment, settling for quick pecks to your neck, jaw, the back of your hand, your hair.

Ex: Has developed a habit of looking at your lips before he kisses you, sometimes he’ll notice you have something on and continues to kiss you anyways, pulling away with his pretty smile on display and a: “Thank you baby.”

Bf!Hunter who would somehow always find a way to get along with your siblings no matter what their age is, would put in so much effort to build a relationship with them and maintain it even when he’s away by returning with gifts and stories :(

Bf!Hunter who certainly has a habit of always ending up crushing you in the middle of the night because he loves being as close to you as possible when sleeping, but that means his limbs always find ways to be rested over top of you, whines out complaints whilst half asleep when you attempt to shift him off of you, and only falls back asleep if you’re the one making contact with him.

Ex: Scratching his head, rubbing his back, holding his hand, even just a hand on his face is enough, just needs some sort of contact with you 😞 despite adjusting him inevitably you’ll wake up with him clinging to you, arms wrapped significantly tight around you, face buried in your neck :(

Bf!Hunter who adores you so much that his love languages couldn’t possibly be wrapped up into just one.

Words of affirmation? He’s definitely very articulate when it comes to expressing his feelings with you, and he doesn’t like being hasty about it, so if you’re ever having any sudden thoughts or concerns he’s quick to walk away from whatever’s keeping him busy if he can to help make sense of the situation you’re struggling with.

Acts of service? Yes! I think he’s the type to purposely go out of his way to clear things off of your to-do list that are starting to pile up to the point of overwhelming you, reassures you that he wanted to, even grabs you a little treat so that you can’t possibly be upset about him doing something that you swore you would get to by yourself.

Gift giving? He’s horrible for it, when it comes to buying something for you the price of the item couldn’t be further from concern, it’s absurd. The type of boyfriend that any other boyfriend couldn’t compete with when it comes to gifts, takes pride in it too.

Quality time? Loves going on the most random dates with you when he has the opportunity, it will be a random Tuesday morning and he’s just like “Babe do you want to go feed some deer with me later?” He’d also spend time searching for good places to eat whether it’s from a mutual friend, family or a random website, loves making little hole in the wall restaurants your spot.

Physical touch? Everything about him screams that he loves teasing, playing footsies under the table with him, purposely stepping on the back of your shoe when he’s walking behind you, holding things above your head that the tips of your fingers merely skim over yet he doesn’t want to let go of your other hand for the life of him. Definitely has a habit of slipping his hand into the back pocket of your jeans when walking together, or having your arm looped through his, loves having you all over him, especially in public.

Bf!Hunter who is so… Boyfriend??? Like there’s no other way to possibly explain it.

#bf!xikers #finally getting to clearing out my drafts #hope this was okay at least omg #xikers hunter #papungkorn lertkiatdamrong #papungkorn lerkiatdamrong x reader #park hunter #park hunter x reader #xikers park hunter #xikers hunter x reader #xikers imagines #xikers x reader #xikers

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zai-doodles · 1 month ago

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Hi, I really love your art and you are just so talented and I really really try to be patient but please pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty. Please tell me the Lore with Levy and her pen. I can’t wait any longer. I’m just so curious and so excitedto know how you wrote her magic the Lore you have for her but if you don’t want to that’s OK anyway I hope you have a nice day. Bye ❤️

lol sorry for ignoring this i fr couldn't figure out how I wanted to word this and it requires some context for my world building which idk if anyone cares abt but whatever I'm gonna pop off

summary of the magic system is that there r 3 types of magic, innate, holder and patron, they r all v self explanitory

script magic is innate, it is also the overall category for any magic that deals with the actually written symbols of magic (curse and rune magic r both branches of script magic basically)

And for context in my rewrite I have it so fairies r the ones who gift humans with magic to begin with and eventually people started being born with like pointy ears and higher affinity for magic and thats how the pixie race was made

its a pretty common form of magic

ok onto levy specific

my idea for levy is that shes half pixie half hybrid (basically this world's version of furry there's lore for it but that's all u need to know for now)

ANYWAY

All this to say that levy is a very skilled wizard with a love for books and reading and by the time canon starts she's basically the best script mage around, mainly bc she experiments with offensive script magic where as before the magic type was usually reliant on someone else with a more offensive type

This is because script mages need to actually write out the runes and symbols with some kind of Wand, which takes a sec to set up and even then its hard to hurt someone with a word if they have time to move, this also differentiates it from curse magic, which is entirely oral and is overall less refined (most of the time but ill talk abt that if I talk abt freed lol)

Like it's much easier to use a curse than to do script bc script is containing a spell within the lettering rather than like, attacking the person's magic core kinda???

Idk how to explain it but it makes sense in my brain

So buffs and support r the most common for script mages but levy is my Mary sue and I love her

So basically because she's mastered so many languages she's basically invented her own form of magic language for her spells, not unheard of in this world since it's also like a form of short hand that can usually tell u who wrote those runes

However this is usually only based on one or two languages since mixing different styles of like, characters? Can take more time and cause the spell to take even longer to cast

I'm explaining this terribly and making it seem so complicated

But its literally just levy teaches herself her own little language to writer her spells in that's basically magical cursive so it prioritizes speed above all else, that means it's sometimes kind of destructive and not as precise but she's working on it

Eventually tho, when they find tenrou island and have a huge lore dump abt Mavis (who is a fairy), levy is able to get her hands on fae language and magic runes and begins incorporating them into her spells and it's the final things she was looking for to make her spells more stable

The pen was something her and droy collab on basically, due to how unstable script magic can be she needed something able to handle the full brunt of her magic to essentially be her arcane focus

The pen is made from a tree droy grew himself, slowly feeding it magic, somehow dont ask me idk, so it could eventually handle levys power

The idea was from an offahnded comment levy made in an attempt to show droy the potential of his magic since in my lil hc he feels like the least useful member of the 3 (which is dumb and he isnt) and levy hit him and was like no u dumbass magic plants r dope and rattles off weird theories on how it could be used in different ways

hope this was at all comprehensive!

#fairy tail #zai talks

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sarah-yyy · 2 years ago

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drive-by rec post for warm on a cold night which just finished airing last night!!

super quick “no time to listen to sarah yell over cdramas now” overview and links first before we get into it as usual:

what: period cdrama // 36 eps, roughly 45 mins each where: iqiyi // viki (usual disclaimer that i do not use eng subs so i don’t speak to the quality of subs) why: fun period cdrama werewolf romance with a sprinkle of crime-solving and uh hand-holding for Plot Reasons

my sweet girl su jiu’er of the qian kingdom! she is the only female constable in the city, but mostly does chores that none of the constables do because she’s had this condition since she was young where her body temperature drops rapidly out of nowhere and she faints randomly so no-one really lets her out to investigate cases even though she’s got the brains for it :(

this loser (affectionate) is han zheng, prince of the qi kingdom - the people of qi are all shapeshifters (think werewolves, though the actual shifting is never really explored too much so idk if they all shift into wolves or if this is specific to han zheng and his branch) who have superior physical abilities. han zheng starts out aloof, arrogant, and low-key anti-qian, but goes through a whole series of character growth because of jiu’er.

these two meet when han zheng sneaks into the qian kingdom to investigate the disappearance of his old friend (who has been branded a traitor of the qi kingdom; hz does not believe this).

jiu’er finds out that touching han zheng alleviates her condition, like he literally warms her up whenever she touches him, so she keeps trying to do that (sometimes with adorable please save me i’m dying begging, sometimes with buddy you are literally an illegal immigrant here i call the shots blackmail, my girl has range) to han zheng’s initial distaste :))) the two of them team up to first solve recent mysteries in the city targeting the qi people, and then later investigate han zheng’s bff’s disappearance and jiu’er father’s death.

this show is so funny!! jiu’er persistently tries to get han zheng to try new things and make friends (even with his love rival!!!!!), and the banter between them at the start is so funny! their rivals to friends to lovers transition is also so smooth, and there is A LOT of gratuitous hand-holding scenes thank you scriptwriter for feeding me so well

ANYWAY the setting is fun, the cases move really quickly and most of them are quite interesting. i think it’s meant to be more a romcom than it is a crime-solving drama, so i went in with lower expectations re: the cases etc which helped! most of them are not that complicated, but still fun to watch unfold! the fight scenes are done really well

the side characters are also a+++

sleepy boy in the middle is wen jun (prince of the qian kingdom), who has had a crush on jiu’er since they were little and she took care of him when he was banished to this temple with his sickly mother by the emperor. they lost contact with each other when he was taken back to the palace after his mother passed. he is THE SWEETEST BOY!!! he doesn’t really have a mind for politics (that’s all left to his elder brother), so his fam just lets him enjoy life writing plays and spending money. he helps out with their investigation and follows han zheng and jiu’er around like a puppy :’) major ot3 vibes but ALAS

HELLO DA-DIANXIA MY LOVE :’) i am a sucker for a smart, well put together man, so can y’all really blame me for imprinting upon wen ying like this??? he is SUSPICIOUS af from the get-go, but also he’s so good and so kind to wen jun that i keep thinking the show is just trying to bait me into thinking he’s the bad guy :( ANYWAY in the later eps, he’s got this Thing going on with chi lan (badass general of the yi kingdom who is also han zheng’s other bff) that just makes me go !!! because of the potential

moustache man is jiu’er’s godfather! also one of my favourite characters with a+++ comedic timing tbh!!! can’t say more about him because spoilers but I LOVE HIM OKAY

if y’all are looking for a nice, low-stakes watch, this is probably the show for you! it’s mostly light-hearted, nothing too complex that requires full attention, and really easy to binge - i probably could’ve done this whole show in one weekend if i weren’t also battling jetlag :D

#tv rec #warm on a cold night #cdrama #ngl i started this because elle messaged me WEREWOLF BI WENJUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the ending could be better?? it was a bit rushed but i actually really liked that final twist sdfkldsfklhdsdjskf #i was expecting something..............different #also my WEN YING/CHI LAN ship T.T

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a-substantial-trash-pile · 10 months ago

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referencing the last reblog so i don’t end up writing a mcfreakin novel in the poor person’s notes:

because god it really sucks holding it all in. my therapist is cool but it’s hard to explain some of these things that bother me to someone who isn’t as “online.” so i resort to posting about the things on my tumblr because it’s the closest i can get to talking about things to someone else without feeling as much of the guilt. idk my mind is an anomaly. speaking of guilt im putting a “read more” here now because this dumb thing’s getting long and now im thinking about the things that have bothered me that idk if i handled right and i don’t want to subject others to seeing it if they don’t want to.

ALSO i think im going to tag my random posts that i make when im having sad bad brain times with “trash rants” so please feel free to block that tag as needed!

the following is essentially about being in a discord server that had both minors (15+) and adults in it and the complications i had in that environment.

one thing that happened a while ago involved a situation within a fandom discord server that idk how tf to even explain the situation to a professional without feeling like an idiot. an adult artist had a character that other people in the server liked. one time that person posted something they drew of that character topless with a message about how boobs shouldn’t be sexual which is absolutely right. but then the others + the artist started making comments about the character’s boobs that i became very confused with how to interpret. my brain was like “are the intent of these comments to be suggestive/sexual in nature or am i being an ignorant asshole for interpreting them as such and it’s because i’m being the problem and seeing boobs themselves as a sexual?” it was even more complicated because the people involved in making these comments were underage. it got even even more complicated because then some of these underage people started drawing the character topless with more comments that i didn’t know how to interpret. one of these people at some point told the original artist that they would privately dm them the more nsfw drawings they were doing. and everyone seemed to be having a good time going “BOOBS 👀👀” and all that and the channel was going crazy. but i was getting so uncomfortable and confused. and i felt like such an asshole. because i like boobs too and society shouldn’t see them as something inherently sexual. but the underage folk being involved made it so complicated for my brain. because if some random person not involved with the server looked in on what was happening, couldn’t it be seen as minors making and sending an adult nsfw art? even though it was very likely NOT the intention of the original artist.

what i ended up doing was bringing my concerns to the server owner, which was responded well to. a rule was put in place about sharing nsfw stuff. but i felt so guilty about it. i felt like i was being a party pooper and ruining people’s fun. i still wasn’t sure if i was even doing the right thing and if it was a problem within me and not with what happened. i was born into a conservative religious background so it was only when i became more independent and was allowed access to the internet that i got to start to unlearn the bad things that were taught to me. that background is something i’m trying so hard to separate myself from, but it’s something that i’m afraid will haunt me. was what happened in the server not actually a problem, and it was because my brain wants to do the bad society thing and interpret boobs as sexual? did i ruin everyone’s fun because i’m just an ignorant asshole who got uncomfy at something i shouldn’t be getting uncomfy about? i still don’t know. anyway, i ended up leaving the server because i just couldn’t enjoy it anymore. once in a while that original artist’s stuff pops up naturally in my feed because we’re still in the same fandom, but i can’t even look at their art or even their name without feeling all the confusion and guilt again. which i feel terrible about because they seemed like a really nice person and they’re a great artist! and i really don’t think they had any bad intentions at all when that situation in the server happened. but i just can’t do it.

that situation was the first moment i truly realized just how scary it is and careful you have to be when you’re in an online environment where adults and minors can freely interact. it’s easy to forget ages when you’re just a profile picture, and how easy it can be to influence someone young, and how dangerous that is, whether your intentions are good or not. it made me realize that i don’t want to be in that type of server where you’re directly interacting with underage people. because i’m a fucking mess and i don’t know what the hell i’m doing 90% of the time. i don’t want to somehow mess up a kid! even if it’s an accident i didn’t want to risk having that accident happen in the first place. it’s one of the reasons why i can’t bring myself to ever draw and post nsfw art anywhere either. i just feel so uncomfortable about it. to me it’s fine if others do it if they’re doing it in a safe way with the necessary precautions, and they shouldn’t feel shame in it! it’s just not something i feel comfortable doing myself.

jfc im so sorry if anyone actually read this far. this whole thing is so stupid. i wish i didnt let it bother me for so long. there are a lot of stupid things that my brain wastes time worrying about. maybe writing all this down will help me explain it to someone on the “outside” who can tell me how to stop it. i don’t know.

#again I’m so sorry about this #trash rants #long post #I think a lot of things all the time and am bad at shortening the words I use to describe the thoughts

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gilverrwrites · 2 months ago

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You are spoon feeding me the fuel to my Tim brain rot rn and I could not be happier! 🖤

I would love to ask for some Tim x F! (or GN) Reader, but this kind of turned into a praising post for your hard work for us, so I’ll do a separate ask.

Your depictions of the characters interacting with the reader don’t feel forced or like what you might expect of a reader insert, and I love it! You are so good at crafting a casualness in your writings that makes the reader feel like they have an actual relation to the characters and setting.

It’s hard to put into written words instead of blabbing out loud until a mutual understanding is reached, but the best way I can describe it is that your stories lack the awkward aspect? Like casual sex where you can be goofy and laugh instead of awkward silence and laughter after? Idk if that makes sense, but I’m trying hahaha.

Anyways, please expect a Tim ask if I work up the courage, but I just wanted to gush a bit of thanks at you. I really enjoy your writings even for characters I’m not partial to, and I like reading your random thought posts too.

- Xx🖤

Oh gosh, oh gah, oh my, I'm speechless!!!

This is so wow thank you so so much, your words mean the world to me, I'm kicking my feet irl.

I deliberately try very hard to make even the most self-indulgent pieces feel realistic and I'm so happy it's paid off/someone agrees and appreciates it.

I'm glad you're enjoying my works, Tim is a babe and I love to write for him, but I'm happy you're enjoying other stuff too. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day anon, and I do hope you send a request in 💖💖💖

#anon #thank you 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#made my night

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cannedbabs · 2 years ago

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Brooooooooo welcome to tumblr. Ur fic Bite the Hand That Feeds is famous here in our Jack Horner corner.

Firstly I want to say oh my fucking god I love your fic. You have galaxy brain and I can’t wait to read the next chapter. Ur last chapter had me on the edge of my seat.

Secondly, just wanted to ask how u started writing for Jack. Like wat drew you to him. Your characterization of him is so good omfg. It’s so organic like he starts out onto really caring about himself and then he evolves more and more to care about the reader. And your hints of submissive Jack, perfection.

This is just a bunch of word vomit that you don’t have to reply to but I just wanted to express my love of you and your fic. Have a great day! 💜

THIS IS SO SWEET OH MY GOODNESS!! You guys are rly too nice in regards to my fic but it makes me rly happy that it’s been a branch to be able to connect with all of you lovelies 🥺🥺❤️❤️ (btw PLS ANYONE EVERYONE do not be afraid of me send asks or messages or ANYTHING!!!)

CH 4 IS CURRENTLY IN THE WORKS RN AND ITS GOING OUT RLY GOOD! Y’all have given me some DELICIOUS inspo for it (I’m trying to bring back it being descriptive. Ch3 was rly just the reader going through the motions and was lame sorry :( )

So idk I went to watch Puss in boots with my family + boyfriend as a joke and we were looking at the cast list before the movie and was like “omg John mulaney is in it who is Jack Horner??” And then I knew of his rhyme so when his whole entrance scene happened I was like OOHHH… but I heard the wolf was super hot- and is respectfully- but by the end of the movie I was like “YO. THAT PLUM GUY KINDA?? 😳” so then I sorta just,, was too tired of waiting for fics. And with me my NSFW fics tend to be 6,000+ words so it took awhile

The best writing tip for Jack I have is: Whether it’s a “reader” or an oc dont make him care about them. It’s gotta be about HIM. And if you can’t hear your dialogue for him in his voice then change it until you can tbh!! I also try to not make him curse, and make his dialogue cheesy. Why make him say ass when he can say heinie. Can it be a turn off? Probably, but I think it fits him 😭 ANYWAYS YEAH SORRY MY OWN THING IS WORD VOMIT BHT!! Thank you so so much for the questions I LOVE ANSWERING STUFF!! AND YOU ALL ARE SUPER SWEET!! Thank u for enjoying my stuff feel free to msg or ask more idc!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#jack horner #bite the hand that feeds #jack horner x reader #big jack horner #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots

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rightpastnowhere · 2 years ago

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(submitted by @enchantedmerry)

Hi! People are sending you fluffy headcanons, so here’s some more!

Vex and Percy didn’t actually tell Tary that they’d gotten married, it’s more that they were both all caught up being sappy newlyweds and in their defence they both find it really hard to concentrate on anything around them when the other’s kissing them and calling them lovely things. Normally, Tary would just quietly leave as quickly as possible when he walked in on them making out but this time he heard Percy calling her ‘Lady de Rolo’ and he can’t really be blamed for making a squaking sound, he maybe can be blamed for assuming that they were just into some very elaborate roleplay but honestly at least his mind jumping to that makes them eloping seem less shocking.

I’ve already included this in a fic but I love the idea that part of Vex rebuilding the Dawnfather’s temple in Whitestone included making the gardens into an orchard resembling the one they saw in Pelor’s realm. Obviously, it’s very religiously symbolic but also the fruit/selling the fruit could be used to help feed the poorest of Whitestone. Also, it’s very fun to imagine that in centuries time after the specifics of vm’s exploits have begun to drift into myth some poor future Star of Whitestone having an absolute what the FUCK moment when they realise their local church just casually looks that much like the Dawnfather’s actual house.

Pike makes her kids these really elaborate birthday cakes. She asks Kaylie if she wants one too, because it feels mean to leave her out, and she acts like she isn’t bothered but then gets so chocked up when Pike makes her one anyway.

Sometimes the twins just forget that not everyone’s bi. They were mainly round each other for so long and homophobia isn’t a thing in Tal'dorie so it’s not something that comes up much. This very nearly leads to an uncomfortable situation where Vex is just barely able to stop herself from saying 'well obviously’ when one of her kids is just starting to work out their sexuality and tells her they think they want to date people the same gender as themselves.

Whitestone Castle is an incredible playground, there’s so many hidey-holes and different roots to escape capture if you’re being chased, or places to tuck away for more quiet play and avoiding siblings. Cass goes through a very disconcerting series of emotions after stumbling on one of her niblings hidden where she hid from the Briarwoods after the initial attack, the paranoid part of her brain is glad they’re learning the best hiding spots, the rest of her just hopes they never need that knowledge. Ultimately, such morbid thoughts get drowned out as the priority becomes banning magic from their games because it’s unfair, then trying to work out how to re-balance it when at least Gwen (and probably others of the quarter elves) have clearly inherited rogue stats from their mother.

_____________________

IDK THE PROTOCOL FOR POSTING SUBMISSIONS BUT I’M ADDING MY OWN THOUGHTS BECAUSE IM SCREAMING HE L P

I HAD THE SAME THOUGHTS ABOUT TARY FINDING OUT GKJRNGKRJ i knew they would try so hard to be discreet but i ALSO know they’d be giggling to themselves and grinning while calling each other husband and wife because they’re absolutely smitten with each other, and poor tary not only almost sees vex’s tits, but also becomes one of the keepers of The Secret That Shook Vox Machina. his pulse fucking skyrockets any time one of VM came to visit whitestone during the break. the poor man gets grey hairs because of this

NGEKRJGNEKJ CAN U IMAGINE SOMEONE TELLING U THAT THE LOCAL TEMPLE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE A GOD’S ACTUAL HOUSE. LIKE CAN U IMAGINE. and also the picture of vex just going through and picking fruits and organizing food drives (but also just keeping a few to herself every once in a while, so she can take them home and try to bake an apple pie like what she remembers of her mom’s). the champion of pelor, glowing golden, in an orchard in the sushine.

picturing pike trying to make a multi-tiered cake that is taller than she is, she asks percy for a step stool and he shows up with this elaborate motherfucker that has shelves at intermittent heights so she can take the icing and shit with her, because heaven forbid percy ever do less than The Most. AND PIKE MAKING KAYLIE A CAKE.... SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE FOR ME

GNKJGNEKJRN GOD the twins are so SILLY i LOVE THEM SO MUCH

AWW CASS <33 i love any content of her interacting with the lil de rolo babies, how she is brought a little out of her paranoid shell by the Joys of being an aunt <33 but i do think she and percy and vex all stay QUITE paranoid, and when they teach the kids about the protocol for if the castle is ever attacked, the fact that they’ve already been playing in the tunnels definitely makes it a little easier. (although i do wonder how often, in their earlier days of parenting, one of the babies disappeared into the tunnels and sent percy and vex into panic attacks, only for cass to show up holding them in her arms after crawling out of an entire wall LMAO)

#submission #HELP HELLO THESE ARE ALL SO CUTE ?!???!? HELLLO ? ? ? ? ?#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE ;;#THEY BRING ME SUCH GENUINE JOY #also i love your icon <333 mighty vibes art of vex wearing TWO jackets never ceases to make me smile #like she is so cold that she is wearing three layers INSIDE #southern girlies and their weakness to heat (it's me i'm southern girlies)#vex’ahlia #percival de rolo #taryon darrington #pike trickfoot #kaylie shorthalt #cassandra de rolo #quarter-elves #i don't think i've used that tag before but fuck it #perc’ahlia #vox machina #critical role #enchantedmerry

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streamdotpng · 1 year ago

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just wanted to show appreciation to you! you’re genuinely so insanely talented and I really enjoy your art or the writing snippets you give us! so many of your au ideas have become some of my fav little stories and if you were to ever develop them into bigger stories, know I would be hyping you up 💯

idk I just appreciate there being someone who gives Enid love and puts her in all these diff scenarios. she became one of my fav characters & tbh idk how but I think that’s just Emma Myers power tbr!!

wish there were more Enid centric creators just because I have all these hcs of Enid & I really do love her character. I’m not a writer much less an artist but I think I might slowly try my hand at my own ideas one day. there is just so much potential that Enid has but not too many see it or at least not the way I do.

Sorry for the ramble but I needed to give you props and show love for all that you do on your blogs! hopefully we get to keep you in the fandom for a good while because you feed my Enid agenda like no other. Good luck w everything, school is definitely draining. so I hope your taking your breaks and eating well ☺️

MATE?? 🥹 YOU DIDNT GOTTA BE SO SWEET YKNOW BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH, I DIDNT EXPECT THIS MUCH SUPPORT WHEN I DECIDED TO INDULGE IN MY CRACK SO THIS IS ALL REALLY NEAT!!!

anyways, im glad someone is just like me. I honestly got no idea what drew me to enid but i read one fanfic and my brain was like "thats the one, that's the one you're fixating on now" and here we are!

But oo? im always open to hearing thoughts and hcs of enid!! do send them over if you got some, always willing to explore more of her character after all

so no worries about the rambles, long asks are appreciated and its always a joy to hear yalls thoughts! I too hope i stay in the fandom for a while because its genuinely really fun to fuck around and see what else my mind can think off

thanks for the goodluck bud, i hope your days go well and that you eat and have breaks too!

#stream will remember this

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litlunacy · 8 months ago

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So I’ve been contemplating Nilofynn’s fey patron again, still trying to get a feel for her. I’d wanted someone a little flighty, maybe a little silly, but also still a typical petty, possessive sorta fey creature. But I figured I’d do a little lore digging to see if there was a canon Archfey that I could use instead of making one up because I’m lazy like that. And uh…I got more than I bargained for. (Ramble-y thoughts ahead, including evil!AU thoughts. Yay!)

I never wanted his patron to be evil, so I was looking into the Seelie Court. And then I thought, wait, wouldn’t it be interesting if his patron was actually Titania, the Seelie Queen? Cuz like, you’d have to be either mad or super sure of yourself to go making a pact with a Bhaalspawn, right? An unpredictable murder machine? But then I thought, why the hell would she want one, especially with Bhaal’s Chosen, made from his own essence?

Well, obviously she offered up the contract while Bhaal was still dead. Duh. Tried to get in there while Bhaal had minimal influence, maybe turn Fynn to the light.

Like, she sees this young man full of so much life and with so much love to give and his affinity for nature and then wham the Urges take over and he murders his adoptive family. He’s broken. So she steps in and is like, ‘hey, it’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. I can help, you know. I have power. I can use that to help, to keep you calm, to keep you grounded, keep you you.’ Of course it doesn’t always work, and it never works when he falls in love, they always die, but he just can’t stop falling anyway, and Titania is there in the aftermath, giving comfort, consoling him and trying to figure out a way to help him. But she’s not as much of a match for the dead god of murder as she thought, and then Bhaal returns, and it’s worse, it’s so much worse, and Fynn gets darker and becomes the Chosen and she thinks she’s lost him. But then he falls in love with Gortash, and it’s a terrible decision, really, but it’s him, it’s that boy full of love she’s been trying to protect. She has hope.

And then he gets his brain whacked apart and tadpoled, and he forgets it all. Even her. But it’s an opportunity. He’s not the Chosen now, Bhall isn’t whispering directly in his ear, he doesn’t know the terrible things he’s done, the thing his father turned him into. She gets a do-over. She can save him this time. Which is why she refuses to answer any questions about his past. He thinks she’s stringing him along, but she’s really trying to steer him the right way, protect him from his past. And between her belief in him, and the rest of the gang’s belief in him, especially Astarion and Halsin, it works. He does resist his Urges, he does defy Bhaal, he does get his happily ever after with the men he loves and their gaggle of critters and orphans and vampire spawn horde. And it feels like the best pact she’s ever made.

But in my lore digging, I also read about the Raven Queen. Which, the raven has very much been Fynn’s symbol to me since the beginning. He’s mutliclassed into ranger and has a raven familiar. And the Raven Queen’s domain is in the Shadowfell, and she collects memories of loss and tragedy. What’s more tragic than a man forced to kill every person he’s ever loved? So what if she had gotten her claws on him first that day he murdered his family? What if she was constantly whispering even more darkness in his ear? Well, then he’d be a hexblade warlock for one thing, and also he’d end up getting the Slayer form and telling Shadowheart to kill the Nightsong. He’d return to his place as the Chosen of Bhaal. He’d let Astarion ascend. And Halsin would be stuck watching them both feed into the worst of each other, descending further and further into darkness while he can’t do a thing about it. But he can’t kill them either, because he loves them too much and once again blames himself for it all. A big old tragedy all around.

IDK if I’ll do this evil!AU playthrough, but boy am I feeling the vibes. I’d make myself feel terrible the whole while, but it might be fun? I don’t usually do full evil playthroughs in games, but something about this compels me. (Also knowing that it’d just be and AU and in canon they’re all together and happy and being their best selves)

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 durge #bg3 dark urge #durge: nilofynn #durgestarion #durgehalstarion #halsin x durge #halstarifynn #brought to you by my musings on warlock durge never asking their patron about their past #because...their patron would KNOW them

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lucysweatslove · 1 year ago

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(Tw ED related stuff under the readmore, this time talking about purging too)

(Don’t worry I’m safe/fine and didn’t engage in any disordered behavior)

So y’all know how I went on a hike yesterday and saw beautiful foresty sights?

Well idk how many calories I actually burned because fuck that, but I was out for a while, about 2.5 hours of actual moving but that involves very slow going on snowy patches. I spent maybe half an hour total with taking pics or stopping for a snack midway, some of that time getting low underneath trees to get closer to the creek (which was very active!).

Anyway, I was SUPER HUNGRY yesterday which is totally fine because 2.5 hours of activity requires fuel.

But today I’ve been having like a really hard time feeling full and satisfied, which is probably also related to hiking. Doubly annoying is that my body doesn’t want protein. Like I had a protein heavy breakfast but needed to pair it with potatoes (which, like carrots, are absolutely not a vegetable 😉) and toast because alone the idea of eggs and a vegan sausage like. I felt nauseated thinking about it.

Now I believe my body is trying to replenish its glycogen and is like “feed me carbs so I can continue to take you on hikes through knee deep snow!” which is fine but I don’t make carb heavy meals. Like they just aren’t in my repertoire of things to cook. And the few I do make that are carb heavy are also still protein heavy- like a turkey bagel sandwich is carb heavy because carbs in bagel, but I also put goat cheese (maybe with avo) and deli turkey on it and have vegetables and dip which I like with yogurt. Even my pasta is more protein heavy because I use lentil pasta (I honestly love the taste). Anyway most of the meals I know how to make and can do without much executive planning will have 25-35g protein in it.

And my body today is just not wanting it. I try, and the moment meat is being cooked, or cooked meat is being prepared, or I even smell the yogurt or milk, I literally feel so sick.

I could just eat carby things alone but something about it ALSO felt wrong- like just a bagel? Boring. Bagel with jam? Also boring. Also, snacky. I couldn’t bring myself to actually make a meal- even like, cutting up fruit I just couldn’t do. It didn’t make any sense to me. So after breakfast I finished an older protein bar I had forgotten about from last week, and then just didn’t eat.

Husband made (quite large) garlic knots tonight to use up old pizza dough. THIS smelled divine. I ate one- still hungry. Second- still hungry. Third- why tf am I still hungry? He only made 6, 3 for me and 3 for him, so I couldn’t have another one. So I was rummaging through the cabinets and remembered all the candy and treats we got on Sunday. I still had some of those, so I finished off the licorice and hello panda cookies (maybe 1-1.5 “recommended servings” left for each), have a couple pieces of fruit mochi, even have some coffee candies and a lychee gummy because they sounded super good. I was sipping water throughout too, as I do throughout the day.

But nope, still hungry. And now I’m craving something salty. Like great I satisfied my need for carbs, but my body is still hungry and is now wanting salt. So I have a couple handfuls of cashews. Keep in mind this is all spread out around 3.5 hours. It’s not all at once. I’m giving myself time to eat, to get it in my body, have my hormones adjust to the new fuel, etc.

Finally, after the cashews, I feel ACTUALLY satisfied and full. Not sick full but like, appropriate full. The full that means I won’t be hungry at an inappropriate time but I’m not over full. No more cravings. Like “move on with your life” full.

But what does my brain decide to do with this? It’s like I’m 19 or 20 again and my brain is saying “nope we can’t feel full, hunger is good, get rid of it.” (Note: I primarily exercise purged, so this little voice isn’t just like throw it up or abuse laxatives, which I also have done, but also “count up all the calories, try to estimate, and then go to the gym and burn it all off, you haven’t gone since Tuesday!”)

It’s just this small little instinctual urge which is likely coming up because stress and new scholastic endeavors and being forced to have people perceive me. Just got me in that old headspace again because of situational similarities.

Also: the fact that it was cashews that did it at the very end is killing me. Like not even after the mochi or the lychee gummy. Something with micronutrients and very very much needed salt because I DO get dizzy without it. Something traditionally considered “healthy.” THAT is what turned ED brain on. It’s literally about how full or empty I feel and how many calories I believe I’ve eaten vs burned in a day. Doesn’t matter where it’s from. Oats or chocolate or molasses or fucking carrots or nuts.

I’m just annoyed that even this far into/past recovery, my brain still goes back ten years when my body literally just feels NORMAL. Ten years into recovery and my brain is STILL triggered sometimes just by *actually feeling fully and completely satisfied.*

Anyway: I’m totally safe, not going to do anything, it was just like this little whisper of old times which I can easily tell to stfu now, but these moments are so rare I forget they exist and when they come back, it’s just a reminder that I will likely always have them trying to peak through stressful times.

#tw ed discussion #tw purging #tw purge #ed recovery

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imaginespazzi · 10 months ago

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Hi bestie, UCLA anon here 🙋‍♀️ Bestie, I trust your brain way more than I do mine because I have very minimal creative bones in my body, so I don’t know if I have a lot to offer. I have had scenes play out in my head around this whole UCLA au but I cannot promise they are any good or worth writing about or if they even make sense lmao, but anyway I’ll share them with you and do with it what you like (or completely ignore them cos that works too!):

When Azzi tells Paige: So in keeping with what happened irl, I was envisioning similar circumstances where Azzi tells her parents about her decision (to commit to UCLA) in the car while they’re on their way to surprise Paige in Storrs for her birthday. But this time, instead of breaking the news to Paige over dinner, like she did with her UConn commitment irl, she tells her when it’s just the two of them hanging out in Paige’s room. In the lead up to this, Azzi’s a bit anxious of course to tell Paige and what her reaction might be, but her parents reassure her that even though Paige will be a little dramatic about it at first, she’ll be happy for her cos like best friends for life right? And Azzi agrees that while she knows Paige will be upset for a hot minute, she’ll get over it, and so nothing prepares her for Paige’s actual reaction and the intensity of it! Also, a thought of mine was that Paige asks Azzi whether she’s actually informed ucla of her decision, and when she finds out that Azzi hasn’t actually called ucla yet, she desperately tries everything she can to get Azzi to reconsider (but to no avail obviously).

Their first on-court meeting: I’m thinking it happens in Azzi’s freshman year – a high stakes game, so let’s go with Final 4 lol. Anyway, lots of hype coming into it obviously and to add to that, Azzi was just announced as the Naismith NPOY ahead of this game (just beating out Paige). So yeah, a lot of coverage going into this game and of course half of their interviews coming into this is just people constantly asking them about the other. Lots of banter being thrown around between the two. TENSIONS ARE HIGH AF in the actual game. They both kinda pop off, and everyone’s just being treated to some incredible basketball between the two best players in the country, but the tension is PALPABLE. Anyway, I’m thinking Azzi drains a clutch 3 that puts them ahead with only a few seconds left but Paige one-ups her and manages to drain a buzzer beating shot that wins it for UConn. What happens after… idk I’ll leave that to you lmao. And if Azzi’s at the National Championship game wearing a Paige shirt/jersey (they’re still very much not together), well… SIDE NOTE: I’ve just assumed we’re not giving them any injuries in this fic 😅

Ok so those are the only scenes I’ve had play out in detail in my head lol

Otherwise, I just envision a lot of angst and like we said before… a bit of toxicity hurt nobody (and to quote that other anon one time – we support cheating as long as it’s with each other and not on each other) 🙈.

But yeah, just on that, I don’t know if I really see Paige getting into a relationship during this – like she probably tries but she just keeps comparing everyone to Azzi and of course, no one ever matches up. But she does run through the streets of Storrs for sure. And Azzi hears about a lot of what she gets up to through the grapevine and it definitely feeds into a lot of Azzi’s insecurities.

I think I can see Azzi getting into a relationship with someone while at UCLA (mainly to force herself to try fall out of love with Paige) and of course once she gets into a relationship, jealous Paige comes out full force, like Paige cannot handle it at all. Summer breaks are when it gets especially messy.

Also, idk when you have them ending up together but in my mind, they probably get together during Azzi’s senior year/Paige’s rookie year in the WNBA (mainly cos I love thinking about them in their WAG era).

Ok imma stop there, cos I don’t even know if I’m making any sense anymore and wow I'm sorry this got so long. Like I said babe, feel free to ignore all of this because your ideas I think would be infinitely better. You have no idea how excited I am for this fic – like THANK YOU for giving me a way to live out my roman empire. And please never doubt or worry about whether or not you’ll “meet our expectations” cos bestie, whatever you write will be gold and we will eat it up, TRUST! 🫶

HI FRIEND 🫶🏾

I'm so happy to see you. Lowkey really needed a scene idea for when Azzi tells Paige so thank god for you bestie because I was struggling with that.

Actually, a lot of these things match with my head, except timelines. I'm actually gonna include Paige's acl injury from last year (I'm sorry people) because that's kinda where the fic's gonna begin with her recovering in LA and getting a surprise (not so surprise lol) visitor. And then I was gonna have their first time playing be in the Cayman's and then the F4 this year but basically it was gonna have the same things happen that you described.

Gonna keep the when they end up together a surprise though but it's probably a little later than that. 😈

Thank you for your faith in bestie me, I hope I do your roman empire justice. You just gave me so much motivation to start writing. 💗

#ask #fic talk #UCLA ANON LOML FR <3 #as soon as I have things to do the motivation to write and procrastinate hits and that's an issue

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