#anyways i will love them forever and i aspire to have a love like theirs

[randomcinematicuniverse]

Happy 10 Years of Marriage to this beautiful couple! 💑❤️🎉

Ten Years of Seth and Stefon❤️

[from-memphis-with-love]

Songbird - Chapter 1 - The International

Summary: The year is 1969. The place, The International Hotel. Aspiring young singer Valerie Pedretti has a chance encounter with Elvis Presley in an elevator that will changer life forever, for both good and bad. Author's Notes: You guys, I am incorrigible. I know. Constantly going back to old fics to reread and retool them. I think I finally got it right this time. If you will indulge, please read from chapter 1 again. I think you'll like it.

To me, 1967-1971 EP is kind of peak Elvis, and so I wanted to write a fic with him smack dab in that time period. In the 1969-1970 period, especially, Elvis was probably the most handsome and alluring man in the galaxy.

Lots of anachronisms and historical inaccuracies in this one, but just roll with it because it's fun! For example: Elvis in real life did not eat seafood but in a later chapter, we find out not only does he eat it but he has an allergy to it. It's for the narrative, I promise. :-)

I based Valerie, in a sense, off of a mixture of Kathy Westmoreland - who I find immensely dry and boring IRL but who had a cool meeting story with Elvis, as well as Joyce Bova and Linda Thompson. Kathy met the real Elvis for the first time in an elevator, and that really inspired this work. Priscilla exists in this universe but she and Elvis get a divorce far earlier than in real life. Theirs, in some ways like real life, is a marriage of convenience and an "arrangement." Lisa Marie does not exist in this universe.

Vegas hit me like a slap in the face with a rhinestone glove. The kind of place that promises you the moon and delivers green cheese, but damn if you don't want to believe in it anyway. My cab rolled down the strip toward the International Hotel, and I pressed my forehead against the window like a kid at a candy store, watching the greatest show on earth scroll by in technicolor.

It was July 1969, just days after Neil Armstrong had bounced around on the moon, and the whole world still felt drunk on the idea that anything was possible. We cruised down the Strip, past Caesar's Palace with its Roman statues standing sentinel in the desert heat, past the Flamingo where Bugsy Siegel’s ghost still lingered, straight toward the International Hotel where my own small shot at glory waited.

I didn't know it yet, but I was about to have what my mother would call A Significant Moment. The kind that divides your life into Before and After, like a vinyl record with its A and B sides. But right then, all I knew was that I was tired, my clothes were a disaster, and I was woefully unprepared for tomorrow's audition.

The audition. Good lord, let's not even go there yet.

I pressed my forehead against the cool glass, watching sequined showgirls and sailors on shore leave blur past in a kaleidoscope of color. The radio was playing "In the Year 2525," and somewhere in the city, Frank Sinatra was preparing for another show. The same Frank Sinatra I'd be auditioning for tomorrow, assuming I didn't die of nerves first.

The cabbie jerked to the curb in front of the International. "That'll be four-fifty, miss." I handed him a wrinkled five and stepped out into air so hot it felt like opening an oven door. The scene that greeted me stopped me dead in my tracks.

The place was absolute bedlam. Not your usual Vegas chaos either – this was something else entirely. The International Hotel lobby looked like Elvis Presley had exploded all over it. You know those old Bible pictures of saints with the beams of light shooting out of them? Picture that, but with pompadours and rhinestones. His face was everywhere - posters, cardboard cutouts, even pins that said "I ❤️ ELVIS" in letters that could probably be seen from space.

Crowds of women with hair teased higher than their hopes pressed against velvet ropes, many of them clutching signs that said things like "Elvis We Love You" and "Marry Me EP!" Some were crying. Actually crying, their mascara running in black rivers down their cheeks. Security guards with arms like Christmas hams tried to maintain order, while vendors worked the crowd selling everything from buttons to teddy bears to – I kid you not – little vials of water supposedly blessed by the man himself. 

That's when it hit me. This wasn't just any weekend at the International. This was the kickoff of Elvis Presley's big comeback residency. Ground zero for Elvis-mania.

"Well, shit," I muttered, suddenly feeling like the universe's favorite cosmic joke. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, I had to walk into the one where the King was holding court.

The lobby was even worse. The air was thick with cigarette smoke and Aqua Net, and somewhere a speaker was playing "Love Me Tender" like it was heavenly muzak. I'd never quite understood the hysteria around Elvis. Sure, he was handsome in his own way, but what was it about him that made grown women act like teenagers?

I caught my reflection in one of the many mirrors and winced. My dark curls had gone feral in the desert heat, my mascara was smudged, and the coffee stain on my blouse looked even worse under the chandelier lights. I looked exactly like what I was – a girl who'd spent six hours trapped on a delayed flight from Chicago, stress-eating Oreos and reading the same magazine until the pages wore thin.

The blonde behind the check-in desk was reading Variety when I approached. Her name tag said BRENDA but her expression said DON'T BOTHER ME.

"Checking in?" she asked without looking up. "Name?"

"Reservation should be under Deena Lovelace."

That got her attention. Her penciled eyebrows shot up as she gave me a head-to-toe assessment that left frost on her glasses. "You're Deena? The one auditioning for Sinatra tomorrow? We spoke on the phone, remember?"

I gritted my teeth into what I hoped passed for a smile. "No, actually. I'm Valerie. Deena's friend. She's sick, so I'm filling in."

Brenda's look could have frozen hell over, but she handed me a key. "Room 2806. If you need anything, ask for Hector."

A bellhop materialized – Hector himself, I assumed – reaching for my bags. I waved him off with what turned out to be misplaced confidence. "I can manage."

The thing about the International Hotel was that it had been designed by someone who believed strongly in giving guests the full maze experience. Every corridor looked identical, with the same gold-flecked mirrors and deep crimson carpet. The crowds thinned out as I wandered deeper into the building's heart, the sounds of Elvis-mania fading to a distant hum.

My feet were screaming bloody murder in my go-go boots. My arms ached from dragging my overpacked suitcases. And my chances of actually finding room 2806 seemed about as likely as Elvis himself appearing to give me directions.

I ended up in a quiet hallway that felt different from the others. The carpet was thicker here, the lighting softer, the wood paneling probably worth more than my car. Even the air felt expensive. I should have realized I'd wandered into restricted territory, but by then my dogs were barking so loud I couldn't think straight.

The elevator, when I found it, was elegant in an understated way – all dark wood and soft lighting. No bright brass or mirrors like the tourist elevators. I was too tired to question my good fortune. I kicked off my boots, letting my screaming feet sink into that plush carpet, and started humming without thinking. It was an old lullaby my mother used to sing, the kind that lives in your bones and comes out when your guard is down.

The elevator arrived with a soft ding. I dragged my bags inside and slumped against the wall, already dreaming of a hot bath and a soft bed. The doors started to close and I was finally alone. Or I thought I was. Then a hand shot out—a big hand with rings that could double as brass knuckles—and stopped the doors.

Remember what I said about Significant Moments? This was mine, walking into that elevator in a black suit that probably cost more than my yearly salary, with a pink silk scarf at his throat and eyes bluer than a Minnesota winter behind tinted glasses. They looked at me and saw everything.

Elvis Presley. The King himself.

Time seemed to slow down, the way it does in dreams or car crashes. The man who stepped into that elevator made the air change – made everything change. You know how people talk about electricity crackling between two people? I'd always thought that was just romance novel nonsense. I was wrong.

He wasn't alone—a redheaded man built like a brick wall stood beside him, hand resting on what I was pretty sure was a gun. But it was Elvis who filled that elevator like smoke from a Tennessee cigarette, making everything else fade into background noise.

You know how sometimes you think you understand something, but then you realize you didn't understand it at all? That's how it was with Elvis's fame. I'd never been one of those screaming fans, never understood what all the fuss was about. But standing there in that elevator, watching him smile at me like he had all the secrets to the universe tucked behind those perfect teeth, I got it. Boy, did I get it.

"You've had a long day, honey.” His voice was pure Memphis nightclub, smooth as whiskey and twice as intoxicating. It seemed to bypass my ears entirely and go straight to parts of my anatomy that had no business responding to a stranger's voice that way.

I said yes and no and then yes again. My heart was doing double time, and I could feel my pulse in my fingertips. Every nerve ending seemed suddenly, acutely aware of his presence.

He smiled then, and it was like watching the sun come up. My knees actually wobbled. I finally understood why they put velvet ropes between Elvis and his fans. That man was a lethal weapon.

"The beds here are good," he said. Even the way he leaned against the elevator wall was poetry, all controlled power and casual grace.

I looked at the ceiling because I could not look at him. My stomach moved in ways it should not move. The elevator felt smaller somehow, the air between us alive with possibility.

"Pardon my manners," he said, and even that slight motion sent another wave of his cologne my way. "I'm Elvis, and this here's my pal Red. Who might you be?"

"Valerie," I managed, my voice barely more than a whisper. I was achingly conscious of how close he was, how the silk of his suit caught the light when he moved.

"Val-e-rie." He drew out each syllable like he was tasting them, turning my plain-Jane name into something rich and strange. The way his mouth shaped the sounds made my stomach flip. "A pretty name for a pretty little songbird."

The pet name caught me off guard until I remembered – the humming. He'd heard me humming while I waited for the elevator. Heat crept up my neck. His eyes hadn't left my face, and I could feel that gaze like a physical touch.

"I got ears like a well-tuned radar dish," he said, as if reading my mind. Each word seemed to hover in the air between us. "In town for a show?"

"An audition," I admitted, trying to ignore how my skin tingled every time he shifted position. "For Sinatra's show. I'm... I'm filling in for a friend."

Something flickered in his expression. "That right?" His gaze swept over me again, slower this time, more deliberate. It felt like being touched by velvet. "And what will you be singing for Ol' Blue Eyes?"

I gave him my prepared answer about standards and medleys, trying not to let on that I barely knew the material. His lips curved into something that wasn't quite a smile but made my stomach drop like I'd missed a step going downstairs.

"A classic set list. You'll do great, honey."

The elevator slowed to a stop. Elvis moved past me toward the door, so close that the fabric of his suit jacket brushed my arm. That brief contact sent electricity skating across my skin. His cologne – something spicy and smoky – wrapped around me like an embrace. He paused in the doorway to look back at me and his eyes were dark and full of something I did not understand but wanted to.

"Knock ‘em dead, songbird."

Then he was gone, leaving nothing but that spicy scent and the memory of blue eyes that seemed to see right through me. I sagged against the elevator wall, my knees finally giving up the fight against gravity.

Now I understood. God help me, did I understand. All those screaming girls, all those tears and Elvis-induced hysteria – it made perfect sense. The real thing, in person, was like staring into the sun. No wonder women fainted.

I made it to my room on autopilot, barely registering the route. Inside, I face-planted onto the bed, my mind spinning like a 45 on a turntable. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him – the way he'd looked at me, the curve of his smile, the way he'd said my name like he was savoring it. The memory of his cologne lingered in my nose, and my arm still tingled where his jacket had brushed it.

I'd come to Vegas to audition for Sinatra. I'd come to maybe, finally, make something of myself. I hadn't come to get turned inside out by Elvis Presley in an elevator.

That night, I lay on the bed and thought about his eyes and his voice and the way he moved. I did not want to think about these things but they came anyway.

I knew then that Vegas would be different than I had planned. The elevator had changed everything. But that is how it is with elevators and beautiful men who wear rings and pink silk. They change things. And you can only ride up or down and see where they take you. Taglist: @whositmcwhatsit  @ellie-24  @arrolyn1114 @missmaywemeetagain  @be-my-ally  @vintageshanny  @prompted-wordsmith @precious-little-scoundrel @peskybedtime @lookingforrainbows @austinbutlersgirl67@lala1267 @thatbanditqueen @dontcrydaddy @lovingdilfs @elvispresleygf @plasticfantasticl0ver @ab4eva @presleysweetheart @chasingwildflowers @elvispresleywife @uh-all-shook-up @xxquinnxx @edgeofrealitys-blog@velvetprvsley @woundmetender @avengen @richardslady121 @presleyhearted @kendralavon7 @18lkpeters@lookingforrainbows @elvisalltheway101 @sissylittlefeather @eliseinmemphis@tacozebra051 @thetaoofzoe @peskybedtime @shakerattlescroll @crash-and-cure @ccab @i-r-i-n-a-a @devilsflowerr@dirtyelvisfant4sy @elvislittleone @foreverdolly @getyourpresleyfix@gayforelvis @headfullofpresley @h0unds-of-h3ll @hipshakingkingcreole @p0lksaladannie @doll-elvis @tacozebra051 @richardslady121 @jaqueline19997 @myradiaz@livelaughelvis @deke-rivers-1957 @jhoneybees @atleastpleasetelephone @eapep @elvispresleywife @that-hotdog @landlockedmermaid77 @sissylittlefeather @kawaiiwitchy

[danbisroom]

Ep. 13 - If You Believe In It It’s Enough, You Will Find Your Way

Hello my beloved fellow souls,

welcome back to Danbi’s Room, your weekly dose of safe space. Go grab a cup of something warm and get yourself cosy.

I hope you had a chill week and that you aren’t stressing too much. Also, if you’re a Stay, I hope you were able to attend Magic School fan-meeting, whether online or off-line. To be completely honest I’m still positively speechless after watching it this morning. All I can say, putting it into words, is that I love this family.

To be completely honest, I was in dire need of some kind of booster. Yes, I do have some post-event blues, but who doesn’t? To every emotion its counterpart. Anyway…the point is that I’ve been sick lately, both mentally and physically. I’m deteriorating with an astonishing calmness. When you love people so dearly, seeing them fall shatters your heart, even when you’re 100% sure they’re going to get back up and stand even taller. My dad, who’s actually included in this group, once jokingly told me: “It’s crazy, among your friends, there isn’t even one who doesn’t have problems.”. By “problems” he meant life-crippling problems. Stuff that could potentially altogether destroy your life at any given moment. Stuff he experienced as well. There was no reproach in his voice of course. If there was any feeling it was sorrow for my friends and pride for me. I’m very grateful for that. My parents’ biggest aspiration for me is that I can help people. I know that if I suddenly changed all of my plans to help a friend out they would support me. And objectively, without them, I would have never been able to do some of the things I did for the people I love. And, most importantly, I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t think this way. I do have many dreams. I really wanna do a lot of things but please believe me when I say my biggest dream is to see my loved ones achieve theirs and be happy.

Yes, this attitude got me some fake idiots along the way, but the more you grow, the more you learn how to actually understand who’s part of your pack and who isn’t, who’s there to stay and who’s there just to offer you the opportunity to learn a lesson. I regret nothing.

Because it’s me, I am the “friend without problems”. I have the strength and the time to share heavy weights. You see, these beautiful people I’m talking about believe many horrible narratives about themselves: they assume they aren’t worthy of the love they receive, they shut their dreams off deeming them vain and vile, they silence their own voice, as if it was undeserving to move through their vocal cords, let alone be heard.

Every time I hear their inner children silently screaming I’m always on the verge of sobbing uncontrollably. I’m still sloppy in handling this, I never manage to do everything I’d like to do for my loves, but I feel I’m slowly getting better though - I used to be much sloppier in the past.

Now I just take them in. There’s a secret garden inside my soul, a happy neverland with a happy pond to watch the rays of the sun blink to the sky embroidered with pink clouds. There’s little me, happy to have all of these other kids around. The only sad memory is that the little wolf cub is trapped: he was the first to get here but he will probably have to stay forever. There’s another wolf cub now, and I hope they can become friends with time, he’s been the last to arrive so far. Then there’s a beautiful butterfly with puffy cheeks, and another puffy-cheeked sweetie with black locks, and then there’s little goldilocks me. To be fair fair there’s also another goldilocks, but he’s still a bit shy. They play together and hug each other and laugh watching sunsets. I will protect them at all costs and it’s for them that I live. I don’t care how crazy and mad this might seem. I know it’s the right thing to do. And I’m always amazed at how patient they and their adult bodies are when I crumble under my own weight. Sometimes I’m weak and despite having the world against them, they still collect my pieces, every single time.

I really can’t think of a person luckier than I am.

They don’t deserve this misery.

I’ll make the kids happy, whatever it takes.

Today’s song recommendation is L’Isola Che Non C’è by Edoardo Bennato. A childhood favourite of little goldilocks Danbi. It talks about Neverland and about dreams. Hit me up if you can’t find an English translation!

I hope you enjoyed this episode and that you have a beautiful week ahead of you!

I’ll see you in the next one, big hug!

With love, yours,

Danbi

[jjaybrown4-blog]

Noah’s Ark Legacy Challenge (by qwerty)

I decided to make a challenge based around animals because, well, who doesn’t like animals (except for spiders of course). This legacy challenge is very much inspired by the Not So Berry challenge! Anyways, hope you have fun :)

________________________________________________________________

Generation One - The Frog

You’ve spent your whole child and teenage hood being alone. Focusing on schoolwork for so many years has never payed off, and you’re just now realizing how alone you really are in the world. Your journey begins in young adulthood.

Traits: Squeamish, Self-Assured, Insider

Aspiration: Leader of the Pack

Career: Politician

Rules:

‣ Move at least 3 times in your life before settling down in San Myschuno

‣ Master the Politician career & complete the Leader of the Pack aspiration

‣ Master the charisma & writing skills

‣ Be the leader of a club & have a gathering at least twice a week

- Complete the Frog collection

‣ Have a minimum of 3 children

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Generation Two - The Spider

As a child, you grew up in a not-so wealthy household; barely being able to pay your bills each week. As an adult, you strive to be different from your parents, however, in doing so, you take a darker route in life: crime. Oh, and knitting.

Traits: Family Orientated, Mean, Genius

Aspiration: Lord/Lady of the Knits

Career: Criminal

Rules:

‣ Must kill at least one sim in your lifetime

‣ Master the Criminal career & complete the Lord/Lady of the Knits aspiration

‣ Master the mischief & knitting skills

‣ Have only one child

- Live in a Haunted House (requires Paranormal stuff)

‣ Never marry in your life (you may have a fiance/partner but no marriage)

‣ Have one best friend & no other friends (excluding family)

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Generation Three - The Bird

You’ve always played with dolls, pretending to be a parent to them. So when you got your first partner, you just thought, why not! Your first love soon becomes your forever love, and after getting pregnant, you decide to elope the minute you turned 18. You’re happily married for 20 years, when one night, you make a BIG mistake.

Traits: Bro, Materialistic, Adventurous

Aspiration: Mansion Baron

Career: Law

Rules:

- Get married to your high school sweetheart the minute you age up to a young adult

‣ Must have an affair as an adult & get pregnant from it

‣ Master the Law career & complete the Mansion Baron aspiration

‣ Master the charisma & programming skills

‣ Never tell your partner that the child isn’t theirs

- Live in a mansion

‣ Be extremely overprotective of your child(ren)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Four - The Fish

From the day you were born into the world, you knew you were special. On your 18th birthday, you move to a land that’s been calling your name from the beginning: Sulani. So what do you decide to do there? Well of course, have many, MANY children. You also adore FISHing for compliments (ahahaha get it?)

Traits: Child of the Ocean, Noncommittal, Self-Absorbed

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Career: Diver

Rules:

‣ Must be/become a merperson

‣ Master the Diver career & complete the Big Happy Family aspiration

‣ Master the parenting skill

‣ Have 5 children with each having a different baby daddy

‣ Never commit to a serious relationship with someone (you’d hate that.)

‣ Must be a strict parent; curfews, chores, the whole shebang

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Generation Five - The Ant

Having a big family isn’t always that great, and you’re a great example of that. You were always told to look after your siblings & do the dishes whilst your mom went out with the 3rd person that week. You decided from a young age this life wasn’t for you, and put all your effort into working out.

Traits: Active, Unflirty, Hates Children

Aspiration: Bodybuilder

Career: Social Media

Rules:

‣ Must have only one child right before you turn into an elder

‣ Master the Social Media career & complete the Bodybuilder aspiration

‣ Master the fitness & wellness skills

‣ Must never date anyone

‣ Must become a famous celebrity

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Generation Six - The Bear

After your mother died when you were so young the only thing you want in life is some company. You despise being alone, and it probably annoys those around you. So, of course, you become a doctor!

Traits: Paranoid, Lazy, Perfectionist

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist / Grilled Cheese

Career: Doctor

Rules:

‣ Must never have a close relationship with anyone til teenage years

‣ Master the Doctor career & complete the Freelance Botanist aspiration

‣ Complete the Grilled Cheese aspiration

‣ Master the gardening & logic skills

‣ Have a huge garden for all your plants

‣ Have triplets (you can cheat for this)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Seven - The Goat

Growing up as a triplet was a dream come true. You always had someone to play with, someone to eat with and someone to talk with. But that was until your two siblings left you to move to Del Sol Valley and you were stuck at home looking after your parents. You love to eat EVERYTHING, and you’ve finally decided that maybe it’s time to put that talent to good use.

Traits: Glutton, Creative, Clumsy

Aspiration: World-Famous Celebrity

Career: N/A

Rules:

‣ You never have a job, and instead you make videos of you eating

‣ Complete the World-Famous Celebrity aspiration

‣ Master the media production & dancing skills

- Move to Del Sol Valley as an adult, and flex on your siblings

‣ Marry a fellow celebrity

________________________________________________________________

Generation Eight - The Rat

The spotlight was never something you were interested in being in, so most nights, you snuck out of your house and went exploring. You’ve always felt like you wanted to just be normal, so when you become a teenager, you finally decide that it’s your time to run away & never look back.

Traits: Erratic, Loves the Outdoors, Dog Lover

Aspiration: Jungle Explorer

Career: Fisherman

Rules:

‣ Must have many pets throughout your life

‣ Master the Fisherman career & complete the Jungle Explorer aspiration

‣ Master the fishing & archaeology skills

‣ Spend most of your life in the jungle

‣ Make money going through trash & selling collectibles

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Generation Nine - The Horse

You’ve always adored being in the wilderness from the start. So when you discovered how polluted the world truly is, you make it your life’s work to change that fact.

Traits: Child of the Islands, Ambitious, Kleptomaniac

Aspiration: Academic

Career: University / Conservationist

Rules:

‣ You go to University to study to become a Conservationist

‣ Master the Conservationist career & complete the Academic aspiration

‣ Master the logic & fitness skills

‣ Live in another world for the majority of your life, but as an elder, you retire in Sulani

‣ Save Sulani (clean up the island)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Ten - The Bee

The saying “busy as a bee” is very fitting for you. You want to experience everything in life, and if that means you have to work 3 jobs & barely sleep you’ll do it. You’ve always been top of your class, and you’d like to keep it that way.

Traits: Snob, Outgoing, Vegetarian

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim

Career: Barista / Engineer

Rules:

‣ Have at least 15 friends throughout your whole life

‣ Master the Barista & Engineer career & complete the Renaissance Sim aspiration

‣ Master the rocket science skill

‣ Woohoo in a rocket ship & visit Sixam

‣ Visit every world at least once

‣ Go on vacations every few weeks

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This challenge is just for fun, so of course, if you’d like to change anything to fit your own playing style, feel free! Anyways, hope you guys like this challenge & I’d love to see your own play through doing it :)

[cheerstotheelites-if]

Ohh the sweet sweet one sided pining... I can't miss it! Can I ask for "knowing that they would never love you back and yet not stopping to pour out your love for them" with my cutest boi Weylyn?❤

Prompt list thing a majig—

Ah, Kal! Hello!!! ^^

Prompt under the cut as usual, my friend!

~•~•~

Jenny, darling,

You're my bestfriend,

There's a few things,

That you don't know about,

[…]

I wanna ruin our friendship,

We should be lovers instead.

- Jenny, Studio Killers

~•~•~

"Thanks, Weylyn." MC smiles at him as they carried a stack of papers, the smile that Weylyn's mind would loose itself over. His cheeks warm almost immediately, and he cracks a smile of his own. He nearly trips over himself and drop the papers as he did.

He's helping MC again, as usual. It's a habit of his, being their neighbor too and all. The two have known each other for years, starting of as new neighbors to eventually becoming close friends. For Weylyn, it formed into something more than that. Feelings grow and bloom like flowers in spring. His heart would race, his stomach would flutter, cheeks warm, and words sputter out like a broken record whenever MC looks at him for even just a second.

A boy in love he has become for them.

"Y-you're welcome!" He says, smile wobbly and crooked as his fluster grew. "Happy to help as always."

But MC's focus shifts somewhere else when a certain person walks by. It's ever-so-perfect Fleur with her sharp eyes and elegance. She doesn't spare either him nor MC a glance as she soundlessly walks past them, yet MC watches her. They look back again on the path before them with a goofy smile on their face and a small skip to their step.

Weylyn's own smile falters a bit as he sees MC become a flustered little mess at their crush passing by.

Of course MC would fall for Fleur. Who wouldn't? She's everything everyone aspires to be and with a beautiful complexion to match. Weylyn is just ordinary—average.

"So, you like the Vice President?" His mouth ends up asking, an ache forming in his chest.

MC visibly tenses, their cheeks growing more flushed as they glanced at him. "Was it that obvious?"

"Well, yes." The President chuckles faintly, though goes unnoticed. Unfortunately. "I'm curious to know why. Fleur doesn't even look interested in you."

"I mean, that's true." MC admits, their smile growing a bit sad.

"Then, why fall for someone who doesn't like you?" A bold question coming from Weylyn. "There might be someone out there who, you know, likes you."

MC lets out a small laugh. "And who would that might be?"

"I dunno." Weylyn shrugs. "Could be someone close to you." He hesitates for a moment. Gods, Weylyn, are you really going to risk it? "Like me," he finally says, hoping MC would atleast take the hint. All the time he spent on them, the heart eyes that go unnoticed, the love he would pour out onto them and never ceasing, the aches in his chest whenever MC's eyes shift onto someone else. Gods, he wants to scream, to shout that he, Weylyn Rutherford, is in love with them.

But he can't ruin this; this friendship he cultivated with MC for years. This relationship he wants to keep close to his heart forever. He wants for things to be as they are, but his feelings have reached his limits and he aches for something more.

Love is it's name.

He wants to hold them, kiss them, tell them that he is theirs and hear them whisper that they are his. Feel his hands hold theirs while lovingly look into their eyes.

MC stares at him with an unreadable expression, silence hanging over them quickly in their walk. Oh gods, did he say it at the wrong time? Does MC think he's a creep now? Did he ruin everything in just two words? A nervousness runs through him, crawling up his spine and tensing his shoulders.

"I mean it as a joke." Weylyn quickly adds with a forced smile before MC could say anything. "Anyway, we should hurry before Professor Thrillbury scolds us for being late again."

"Ah, crap, you're right." Whatever emotion MC has in their eyes vanish as they quickly speedwalk down the halls with Weylyn in tow, replaced by the urgency of their situation.

A sigh leaves Weylyn and he sucks in another breath as another ache forms in his chest.

"This is fine…" He mutters to himself reassuringly. "What you have with MC is already enough…"

And it is.

He loves them too much. He doesn't know what will happen to him to have them gone with his overflowing unrequited love.

It's painful, but he rather be in pain than let MC experience any of that.

[itsqwertyluvs]

Noah’s Ark Legacy Challenge (by qwerty)

I decided to make a challenge based around animals because, well, who doesn’t like animals (except for spiders of course). This legacy challenge is very much inspired by the Not So Berry challenge! Anyways, hope you have fun :)

________________________________________________________________

Generation One - The Frog

You’ve spent your whole child and teenage hood being alone. Focusing on schoolwork for so many years has never payed off, and you’re just now realizing how alone you really are in the world. Your journey begins in young adulthood.

Traits: Squeamish, Self-Assured, Insider

Aspiration: Leader of the Pack

Career: Politician

Rules:

‣ Move at least 3 times in your life before settling down in San Myschuno

‣ Master the Politician career & complete the Leader of the Pack aspiration

‣ Master the charisma & writing skills

‣ Be the leader of a club & have a gathering at least twice a week

- Complete the Frog collection

‣ Have a minimum of 3 children

________________________________________________________________

Generation Two - The Spider

As a child, you grew up in a not-so wealthy household; barely being able to pay your bills each week. As an adult, you strive to be different from your parents, however, in doing so, you take a darker route in life: crime. Oh, and knitting.

Traits: Family Orientated, Mean, Genius

Aspiration: Lord/Lady of the Knits

Career: Criminal

Rules:

‣ Must kill at least one sim in your lifetime

‣ Master the Criminal career & complete the Lord/Lady of the Knits aspiration

‣ Master the mischief & knitting skills

‣ Have only one child

- Live in a Haunted House (requires Paranormal stuff)

‣ Never marry in your life (you may have a fiance/partner but no marriage)

‣ Have one best friend & no other friends (excluding family)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Three - The Bird

You’ve always played with dolls, pretending to be a parent to them. So when you got your first partner, you just thought, why not! Your first love soon becomes your forever love, and after getting pregnant, you decide to elope the minute you turned 18. You’re happily married for 20 years, when one night, you make a BIG mistake.

Traits: Bro, Materialistic, Adventurous

Aspiration: Mansion Baron

Career: Law

Rules:

- Get married to your high school sweetheart the minute you age up to a young adult

‣ Must have an affair as an adult & get pregnant from it

‣ Master the Law career & complete the Mansion Baron aspiration

‣ Master the charisma & programming skills

‣ Never tell your partner that the child isn’t theirs

- Live in a mansion

‣ Be extremely overprotective of your child(ren)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Four - The Fish

From the day you were born into the world, you knew you were special. On your 18th birthday, you move to a land that’s been calling your name from the beginning: Sulani. So what do you decide to do there? Well of course, have many, MANY children. You also adore FISHing for compliments (ahahaha get it?)

Traits: Child of the Ocean, Noncommittal, Self-Absorbed

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Career: Diver

Rules:

‣ Must be/become a merperson

‣ Master the Diver career & complete the Big Happy Family aspiration

‣ Master the parenting skill

‣ Have 5 children with each having a different baby daddy

‣ Never commit to a serious relationship with someone (you’d hate that.)

‣ Must be a strict parent; curfews, chores, the whole shebang

________________________________________________________________

Generation Five - The Ant

Having a big family isn’t always that great, and you’re a great example of that. You were always told to look after your siblings & do the dishes whilst your mom went out with the 3rd person that week. You decided from a young age this life wasn’t for you, and put all your effort into working out.

Traits: Active, Unflirty, Hates Children

Aspiration: Bodybuilder

Career: Social Media

Rules:

‣ Must have only one child right before you turn into an elder

‣ Master the Social Media career & complete the Bodybuilder aspiration

‣ Master the fitness & wellness skills

‣ Must never date anyone

‣ Must become a famous celebrity

________________________________________________________________

Generation Six - The Bear

After your mother died when you were so young the only thing you want in life is some company. You despise being alone, and it probably annoys those around you. So, of course, you become a doctor!

Traits: Paranoid, Lazy, Perfectionist

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist / Grilled Cheese

Career: Doctor

Rules:

‣ Must never have a close relationship with anyone til teenage years

‣ Master the Doctor career & complete the Freelance Botanist aspiration

‣ Complete the Grilled Cheese aspiration

‣ Master the gardening & logic skills

‣ Have a huge garden for all your plants

‣ Have triplets (you can cheat for this)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Seven - The Goat

Growing up as a triplet was a dream come true. You always had someone to play with, someone to eat with and someone to talk with. But that was until your two siblings left you to move to Del Sol Valley and you were stuck at home looking after your parents. You love to eat EVERYTHING, and you’ve finally decided that maybe it’s time to put that talent to good use.

Traits: Glutton, Creative, Clumsy

Aspiration: World-Famous Celebrity

Career: N/A

Rules:

‣ You never have a job, and instead you make videos of you eating

‣ Complete the World-Famous Celebrity aspiration

‣ Master the media production & dancing skills

- Move to Del Sol Valley as an adult, and flex on your siblings

‣ Marry a fellow celebrity

________________________________________________________________

Generation Eight - The Rat

The spotlight was never something you were interested in being in, so most nights, you snuck out of your house and went exploring. You’ve always felt like you wanted to just be normal, so when you become a teenager, you finally decide that it’s your time to run away & never look back.

Traits: Erratic, Loves the Outdoors, Dog Lover

Aspiration: Jungle Explorer

Career: Fisherman

Rules:

‣ Must have many pets throughout your life

‣ Master the Fisherman career & complete the Jungle Explorer aspiration

‣ Master the fishing & archaeology skills

‣ Spend most of your life in the jungle

‣ Make money going through trash & selling collectibles

________________________________________________________________

Generation Nine - The Horse

You’ve always adored being in the wilderness from the start. So when you discovered how polluted the world truly is, you make it your life’s work to change that fact.

Traits: Child of the Islands, Ambitious, Kleptomaniac

Aspiration: Academic

Career: University / Conservationist

Rules:

‣ You go to University to study to become a Conservationist

‣ Master the Conservationist career & complete the Academic aspiration

‣ Master the logic & fitness skills

‣ Live in another world for the majority of your life, but as an elder, you retire in Sulani

‣ Save Sulani (clean up the island)

________________________________________________________________

Generation Ten - The Bee

The saying “busy as a bee” is very fitting for you. You want to experience everything in life, and if that means you have to work 3 jobs & barely sleep you’ll do it. You’ve always been top of your class, and you’d like to keep it that way.

Traits: Snob, Outgoing, Vegetarian

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim

Career: Barista / Engineer

Rules:

‣ Have at least 15 friends throughout your whole life

‣ Master the Barista & Engineer career & complete the Renaissance Sim aspiration

‣ Master the rocket science skill

‣ Woohoo in a rocket ship & visit Sixam

‣ Visit every world at least once

‣ Go on vacations every few weeks

________________________________________________________________

This challenge is just for fun, so of course, if you’d like to change anything to fit your own playing style, feel free! Anyways, hope you guys like this challenge & I’d love to see your own play through doing it :)

[drarryangels]

angst corner recs

Hello hello everyone. Long time no see. Here are some fics that I love under the angst tag in my bookmarks that I'd probably (totally) die for. I tried to include mostly fics that I don’t hear people talking a lot about, but there are some big titles in here as well. 

-

I'd Catch You by Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y, G

...Five times Harry made a promise, and one time he had to fulfill it.

R/N: Royalty au! Friends to lovers! Angsty! Perfection. I got into some heeeavy royalty au obsession for like two days, and was blessed to discover this fic. Seriously, so good. Beware MCD.

Stone, Sky, and Sea by RurouniHime, M

...(In which the Wizarding Saviour wanders about Oop North, tries to escape his partner, and fails miserably.)

R/N: Um this specific writing style is literally everything I love and also everything I aspire to be. Plus, this fic is just... hard to explain but it's so.... nice. Nice writing, nice location. Heartbreaking, but also so sweet.

The Bucket List by GallaPlacidia, NR

Draco will die in six months if he can't get Harry Potter to fall in love with him. Since that's not going to happen, he might as well spend his last days working through his Bucket List....

R/N: I think everyone has read this by now. But if you haven't... seriously do. It's one of the Drarry Classics That Everyone Must Read.

I've Built My Dreams Around You by fwooshy, T

Harry loves Draco. But starting over is hard, even when you're in love.

R/N: Rip my heart out and bury it anyways.

the last time that you touched me by silvergalaxy, M

What do you do when your boyfriend refuses to admit that his snarky comments about your hair are just a cover up so that you don't find out how much he actually loves it?

Harry Potter has a plan.

It doesn't work out quite as hoped.

R/N: I have no idea how many times I've read this fic. Like so many. Sooo many.

Espresso Patronum by tasteofshapes, T

When Draco reappears five years after the war and opens a wildly popular coffee shop, Harry’s pretty sure that Draco’s Up to Something. He just has to prove it.

R/N: Coffeeshop plus enemies to friends to lovers plus potions plus pining and lots of feelings. I can tell you: you want to read it!

Quiet World by augustskies, G

The first time the silence is broken, it’s Harry, nudging Malfoy’s shoulder, pointing out a single firefly perched on the ledge between them.

“Look,” he whispers, forgetting about one hundred and sixty-seven words.

R/N: Such a beautiful fic in a unique world where people can only say a limited amount of words per day. Really puts how inexhaustible what we say is, and what things could be like if our mouths couldn't run on forever. I like how this fic puts it all together, and how it shows that there are things that can be shown without words and those things are equally as important as the things said in words.

if stars died of old age by LiviKate, NR

His mother had had six months after his father had died. But it was expected; they had prepared and were already rather distanced. Draco hadn’t been ready, and Merlin, he had been so in love. He knew he was counting down in weeks, not months.

R/N: Gives me you are the antidote for me vibes but a little bit shorter for all the darlings out there who need shorter fics.

Small Thing by tsauergrass, G

...Or more simply: Draco falling in love with Harry.

R/N: Okay god, but I love this fic. Literally any who knows me knows that I am head over heels for tsauergrass, and none of their works have ever let me down, and I must rec them and comment on them endlessly because I just... cannot imagine a world where my life didn't cross pass with theirs. And GOD WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT (i can't imagine never reading anything of tsauergrass') JUST READ THIS PLS

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia, T

When Harry gets amnesia and forgets he and Draco were ever married, he refuses treatment to remember.

R/N: One of my favorite fics ever, no exaggeration. Beautifully written, incredibly heartbreaking, and so tragically GOOD.

The Green Vial by eidheann, E

After months of seeing Harry Potter walk into his Apothecary disappointed and hopeless, Draco offers to carry the baby that Harry can't. Now he's just got to hide the fact that he's been half in love with Harry for years.

R/N: I know most people don’t really like mpreg, but I do so there. This is so sweet and precious with all the heartbreak and pining and trying for a baby and and and. 10/10 would read. 

Silverpoint by tackytiger, E

...Or: How Harry Potter Fell In Love (and Realised that Draco Malfoy Loved Him Back).

R/N: Tacky is a beautiful writer, and this fic is perfectly heartbreaking so. Yeah. 

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You) by firethesound, E

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

R/N: There were tears rolling down my neck pretty much the whole time I was reading this. It’s another one of the Drarry Classics I think, but please do proceed with caution because it is quite a bit heavier than the other fics on this rec list. The portrayal of grief is incredibly vivid, and while that is a beautiful and special thing about this fic, it’s also very hard to read about. Really wonderful, but take water breaks in between and breathe a little. 

Blackberry Jam by JulietsEmoPhase, E

10-year-old Harry and Draco are evacuated from London during the Blitz, and through a logistical error, end up sharing not only a home but a bed. Follow them as they grow up against the backdrop of the war, discovering who they really are and slowly falling in love.

WWII Muggle AU. Mild smut, warnings for some thoughts of self harm/suicide.

R/N: This was the first Drarry fic I read over like 7k and I remember thinking how freaking long it was when I read it for the first time (it’s about 36k). My oh my how the times have changed. And yet, this fic is still just as good as ever. 

-

Aaaand that’s the end of the list for now. I hope someone finds something on this list that they enjoy, and please feel welcome to leave additional recs in the comments/reblogs. 

[synoxshots]

some more scattered self indulgent thoughts on DevandFamilyDrama, particularly Emyr’s relationship with his grandparents 

it actually got super long so it’s under a cut

His parents were always fun, his grandparents were not. They were strict, serious types, in a lot of ways he struggled to see how they could even have been his mum’s parents when they just seemed so different. He loved them, sure, but he never looked forward to trips round their house or anything, they were stuffy and old and boooorriiing when he was quite a bouncy kid

Emyr was clueless about what his parents were really up to, they appeared loyal citizens on the surface and he grew up right in the heart of the Empire, where everything seemed rosy with all this great imperial history around him, all this media where the Sith are heroes and something to aspire to. They still manage to give him enough liberal ideas though that shapes his worldview going forwards - he’s never the radical that they are, seeks reform rather than total destruction, that’s a whole other topic though we’re going off the point. His childhood with them is very much rose-tinted, it’s not really until he’s older he remembers the things that didn’t add up - odd disappearances by them, the time there was an explosion at an imperial festival around the same time his dad was mysteriously absent from the celebrations...and so on.

He’s about 9 when he starts living with his grandparents, when his parents are imprisoned. They were close to retirement age anyway, the scandal kind of hurries it up for them - they still have allies and connections in the Sith and military, but they’ve been tarnished by the association even if they are very much staunch imperial loyalists. They have a lot of resentment towards Emyr’s father, blaming him for leading their daughter astray, they push that onto Emyr as well - trying to shape his view of his parents in the hope he won’t follow in their footsteps, will become a Good Little Boy who joins the military, becomes an officer, will be everything his mother was supposed to be until that nasty man came and led her astray. 

His surname is changed to match theirs - the Rindoths were terrorists, there’s still some respect attached to the Devand name. There are people able to make the link but it’s a lot less obvious, someone has to really know to make the connection. They move him to a completely different part of the city, give him a new school, a new start - for them as well, where people won’t know them. Tell him to get his head down, focus on his studies, not to attract attention to himself. He goes from this bubbly kid to one who becomes almost silent, an outsider, stays on the sidelines and observes, never has loads of friends. He’s been tainted by his parents’ actions in his grandparents eyes - they’ll always see him as his father’s son, in a way he has to atone for his parents actions and rebuild the family name.

His force sensitivity is an interesting one. It started emerging in the last couple of years with his parents and straight away had them scared - they didn’t like the Sith, they knew that not many actually made it as a Sith and got through the academy, didn’t know how powerful he was and feared the worst - for his safety, and what he might become if he was trained. There was no way to get him out to the Republic/Jedi either so they just...told him to hide it. He didn’t want to, he saw the Sith as these big exciting heroes, didn’t understand why they were asking him to do that but... He knew it was because they cared, they loved him, he loved them, ultimately he went along with it and it became ingrained. 

Secrets don’t stay secret forever, of course, his grandparents eventually found out. And it is very exciting for them. Because finally it’s their chance to claw back the family reputation - imagine the glory of having a fully fledged Sith in the family, what good that could do. Suddenly Emyr is a lot less of a problem, and more of an opportunity. Every last shred of influence they can muster goes on making him a success, they pull strings with Tremel to bring him to Korriban ahead of schedule, and so on. He’s always under watchful eyes, people waiting for him to slip and prove he’s a traitor like his parents (I feel like a lot of overseers and people in positions of power know the family history, if not acolytes at first), but they are very much determined he will achieve greatness, he must achieve greatness. And so will they, by association. Or at least have some pride again.

Emyr is of course not the Sith they would like him to be. He’s too much of his own person, especially once he progresses through the academy, gets his own ship and a relative amount of freedom even whilst apprenticed to Baras. Too many liberal ideas that they can’t bear, he frees his parents (though only Vette knows this, in the imperial world), there may also be something in that Quinn ends up part of his crew considering his own reputation in the military and what Emyr’s grandparents think of him. They might have hoped that in having their grandson the Sith they might have been able to exert some influence, it becomes apparent that will not be the case. He’s trying to break free of their mould, definitely. But at the same time, he rises so high, he becomes the Emperor’s Wrath, he’s one of the most significant Sith in the whole empire. So they will naturally milk it for what they can. But they don’t necessarily like the person that he is, and are of course very disappointed when he comes home with Vette - not just that he’s freed her, but that she’s also become his wife (which is worse?). And likewise, he has to come to terms with the fact that like...he can respect what they did for him, the strings they pulled, but also - he doesn’t actually have to like them, agree with them or their values, can recognise that it was not really a positive relationship or upbringing when he was in their care. 

So I think on both sides they end up in this position where neither Emyr or his grandparents particularly like each other, but in true dysfunctional fashion they are happy to milk the relationship and use it for their own gain as much as they possibly can, just so long as they don’t actually have to talk to each other in the future. Emyr’s prominence means they can have it known they are the Wrath’s family, that can be pointed to to dispel the effect of prior scandals - that’s his payback to them I guess, he can acknowledge he needed them to get a kickstart with the Sith, but also that everything since is of his own making. 

yikes that got really long and was only supposed to be a couple of paragraphs, if you have made it down here, well done hahahaha

[mst3kproject]

Voodoo Island

Leonard Maltin thought this movie was boring, which is, honestly, kind of terrifying.  Its ostensible star is Boris Karloff, who somehow managed to avoid ever being on MST3K, but it was produced by Howard Koch, the director of Untamed Youth, and was written by Richard Laundau, who did the same for Lost Continent (uhoh).  It’s also got Jean Engstrom from The Space Children, and if the voice of the radio operator sounds familiar that’s because it’s 🎶 Adam Weeeeeest.

A hotel company wants to build a resort on a tropical island, but the scouting party they sent never came back – except for one guy, Mitchell, who has been reduced to a catatonic state by whatever it was he saw there.  Worried, the hotelier sends renowned skeptic Mr. Knight to find out if it’s true that the island is under some kind of voodoo curse.  After much wasting of the audience’s time, Knight’s party reaches the island and finds it infested with man-eating plants, coconut crabs, and unfriendly natives.  I wish I could tell you more of the plot, but that’s basically all there is.

Voodoo Island is unusual as bad movies go, in that you don’t actually realize how bad it is until it’s over.  Things that seem to be the plot move merrily along, always feeling like it’s building up to something cool… and then at the last moment it just deflates like a gas station tube man with his fan turned off.  In hindsight, the audience realizes that very little of what they just saw had anything to do with what was supposedly going on. In many ways, you never do find out what was going on at all!

The middle section of this movie is not quite as obviously padded as Lost Continent with its endless rock climbing, but almost all of it is, retrospectively, pointless.  On the first leg of their journey to the island, the party’s plane is caught in a storm and forced to make an emergency landing – only to find that the weather has mysteriously cleared right up!  After repairing their radio they set off again, and nothing much comes of the incident.  They stop on another island where they have trouble hiring a boat, and where somebody puts a curse of some sort on them.  Nothing comes of this.  Later still, their boat stalls out and refuses to start again, even after they’ve cleared a blocked fuel line.  This has no real consequences, because the tide carries them in anyway, and the movie never deals with what happens when they try to leave the island again.

Along for the ride is Mitchell, the guy who was so terrified by what he saw on the island that he hasn’t moved or spoken since. He has a couple of medical emergencies that resolve themselves without long-term consequences, and then simply drops dead before they ever reach the island.  They don’t learn anything from him or his condition.  A similar fate later befalls another character, Finch, but this time the movie ends before he has a chance to either die or snap out of it. Mitchell is only in this movie to make it longer, and possibly so it could claim it had a zombie.

With the movie already half-over, we finally reach this mysterious island.  The group are greeted by a trail of clues that make Knight thing somebody is trying to lead them somewhere… perhaps to answers, perhaps to a trap.  Eventually they’re captured by the natives, but there’s no reason they had to be in a particular place for this to happen – the natives have been following them the whole time and could have intervened at any point.  None of this stuff reads as padding because it feels like it’s going to lead to something.  Again, it’s only when the credits unexpectedly start to roll that you realize almost the whole movie was irrelevant.

Padding is not Voodoo Island’s only problem – the dialogue is awkward at best.  Most of it is on a Revenge of the Sith level, where characters just say exactly what they’re thinking in a way that might have sounded poetic on paper but just doesn’t work out loud.  The boat captain, Gunn, gets a Gunslinger moment in which he narrates his traumatic backstory in a single talking head shot.  Knight is forever going on about Rational Explanations and then suddenly declares his change of heart when confronted with a voodoo doll.  There’s no meat to this arc at all, no sense of Knight questioning his worldview or coming to terms with anything – he just says I do believe! like he’s in a Santa Claus movie and then it’s over.

The worst of both the dialogue and the supposed character arcs occur in the love story.  There are girls in this movie, so of course there has to be a love story, and it’s terrible.  The lady half of this one is Knight’s assistant Miss Adams, who is very poised and professional and doesn’t smoke or drink, and spends the first half of the movie being tutted at by just about everybody.  The other woman in the group, Claire, tells her she could just be so pretty if she’d only change the way she did her hair.  Gunn calls her a ‘machine’ and asks if she even knows how to be a woman.  This raises some hackles in the modern viewer, who wants to see Adams appreciated for what she is rather than what she has the potential to be if she changes everything about herself.

But Voodoo Island was made in the fifties, when changing yourself to please a man was what women aspired to!  Miss Adams therefore swears off being a nerd and kisses Gunn, whose main personality trait is being a stunning asshole.  He’s drunk and bitter, and earlier in the movie he tried to hit on Claire, who had to tell him to fuck off about four times before he got the idea.  Later he insults and threatens Adams because her intelligence makes him feel like less of a man.  Apparently one kiss from her completely undoes his PTSD and he’s a better person now.

These two getting together also totally dismisses the healthy and supportive friendship Adams has with Knight, who is not only her boss but has some fatherly affection for her.  He praises her work ethic and tells her that she shouldn’t listen to people who think she’s boring.  I guess we’re supposed to think it’s good that she quits working for him so she can run off with a drunk who’s threatened to slap her, because Gunn will make her life more exciting.

At the supposed climax, the natives (an assortment of ethnic-looking extras who never speak) take the group prisoner, and they are brought before the chief (a white guy in dark makeup), who tells them why outsiders aren’t allowed on the island.  The prisoners are taken to a hut where they are tied up.  One of them is possibly murdered by voodoo, and then the chief… just lets the rest of them leave.  No conditions specified, although it’s implied that the islanders have more voodoo dolls and plenty of pins.  We don’t even find out if they actually made it back.  To get to their boat, the party will have to pass back through the carnivorous jungle without a guide, and once they reach the beach, they’ll have to fix their engine.  It really feels like there ought to have been more of a climax, never mind a denouement. As the credits begin, I was just going, “that’s it?”

The actors are mostly mediocre.  Boris Karloff tries really hard to rise above the material but never gets there, which is understandable when his lines are things like, “no, you fool, they’ll slaughter us to bits!”.  All this badness really is a terrible shame, too, because Voodoo Island’s setpiece monsters, the man-eating plants, are actually incredibly cool.  They never look real, but they’re much more creative than the standard giant Venus’ flytrap.  There’s a thing that wraps long bean-like leaves around a swimmer and drowns her, another than catches its victims with a sticky bulbous stem, and yet a third that folds ferny fronds around prey and digests it!  A movie that made proper use of these monsters would be a great time. I hope the prop people went on to the better things they deserved.

(At the other end of the effects scale are the coconut crabs I mentioned.  These are not actual coconut crabs, but dead specimens of some other, much more gracile species.  This, too, is unfortunate, because coconut crabs are living crustacean nightmares capable of killing and eating seagulls.  One theory about Amelia Earhart’s ultimate fate is that she was devoured by coconut crabs.)

As for Voodoo Island having anything to say… it has some kind of muddled point about not dismissing the supernatural out of hand, but its ‘magic’ is pretty lame, and Knight’s arc is handled so badly that it passes by without making much of an impression.  The story does seem to have another possible theme, though.  As usual I can’t tell if this is intentional or not, but Voodoo Island seems to have something to say about concepts of ownership.

The hotelier has taken an interest in the island because he did an inventory of his properties and discovered he owned it. How he came to do so, we have no idea… it must have been sold to him by somebody else who’d likewise never been there, since the tribal chief tells us that Mitchell and his companions were the first white men to ever go there.  What made that person think they owned it?  Does the concept of ownership even mean anything when you don’t know that you own something?  Does owning something entitle you to destroy it?

The natives own the island in the much less abstract sense that they live there.  The chief tells the party that his people went to this island on purpose, because they thought its nasty flora would keep white people from following them there. They want no part of modern civilization, and seem completely unaware that somebody outside their community is claiming he owns this land.  Whether the idea of ‘owning’ land is even a meaningful one to them, we can’t tell. When the Lenape allowed the Dutch to live on Manhattan Island, they probably had no idea the settlers would consider the land exclusively theirs.

These are some things that still need thinking about in the twenty-first century, and if you’re going to watch Voodoo Island do it for that and for the fun monsters.  Even then, you’re likely to be disappointed.

[sortavibing]

Hiiii okie so my name is beth and I wanted to request a matchup if that’s okay with you! :>

my online alias is beth, but my name is riley

pronouns - she/her (even tho i know they aren’t needed lol)

sexuality - great question =v= i don’t really like labels, but eh girls and guys are both hot and suggestive things make me extremely uncomfortable :D

personality stuff - I am an INFJ, and 4w5 ^v^ I really really like my personal time, but when I care about someone they become a part of that personal time. I am either super loud and energetic OR extremely quiet and reserved. There is no in-between. I’m also very competitive hehe

hobbies - art, the occasional video games, singing, watching anime, and cosplay

what you want in a partner - I need someone who is carefree and energetic that can match my levels of obnoxiousness, but who can also bring me back down to earth when my mind is spiraling. I also like being playful and teasing people, so someone who can dish that out but also take it.

star sign - cancer!

likes - PINK. EVERYTHING PINK. I LOVE PINK. i love listening to music, talking to my online friends, stargazing, staying up past 3 am, phone calls, fluff and angst, the rain, spring time, fried noodles, and long, cozy hugs, monster energy (ultra rosa and ultra blue,) and discord - my god i live there basically o-o

dislikes - homework, being forced to create things when i’m uninspired, dry texters, the intense heat of summer, overbearing people who never shut their mouths hi mom, when people refuse to understand your side of a discussion when you are trying to understand theirs, when people walk slowly, awkward hugs, the sun in my eyes, and 8 hour school days

kins - atsumu, (i love him sm, biggest kin ever,) oikawa, tanaka, marinette/ladybug from miraculous ladybug, sinon from sword art online, and usagi/sailor moon from sailor moon >:3

fun facts - so imagine my hands are flat , and i lift my fingers back, right? they can go back about 90 degrees. and it doesn’t hurt. i like telling people this when they meet me because they usually freak out and i like to see the look on their faces.

what you look like - i have pink hair (dyed it after i graduated!! finally!!) and blue eyes, i wear glasses, i’m 5'6 but wish i was 5'0, and i’m ting but kinda muscle-y?

if you want a platonic or romantic relationship -romantic

literally anything you want i just want to learn about you! - well let’s seeee hm my personality tends to adapt to others. this can get super draining when i’m around people for a very long period of time, but when i’m around someone i love it’s not draining. i want to be an english teacher once i finish university, (i say, not capitalizing sentences or proper nouns and have multiple grammar errors) and I’m hoping to move to Japan and teach english there! i work at a coffee shop, and it’s basically my second home. i think that’s ab it for me! oh, uhm so i love bokuto as a character, but please, anyone but him. he’d be so overbearing, i would just be tired all the time :,)

I HOPE YOU HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL DAY!! big smiles for you!

aaaa hello! thank you so much for requesting you seem so sweet! ayo 5′6 gang :) also i’m (addicted) a fan of monster as well, and my favorite is probably ultra white or ultra sunrise. also if u want you can add me on discord, my @ is burnttoast #2600. anyways, here’s your matchup!

generating matchup…

matchup: complete

i match you up with oikawa!

he first met you at the coffee shop you work at, and he ordered the most sugary, cream filled drink that you guys sold, and it had like a tablespoon of coffee in it. you made a shady comment about it, and he pretended to be offended by it, but he just was complaining about “the rude service” to be able to talk to you more. when you gave him his drink, he gave you a tip and his number, and he thought it was the literal smoothest thing ever, but it really was just a little dorky, but pretty cute.

he will call you at like 1am, and just talk with you until one of you guys fall asleep, he usually does first, but you fall asleep soon after. the talks can either be actually serious and deep, but they are usually really chaotic, and it’s just you guys lowkey roasting each other (jokingly), or streaming an anime and reacting to it with each other. (oikawa loved tamaki from ohshc and he wouldn’t shut up about him for at least 3 days)

oikawa is a little space dork, so one of your first dates was a stargazing date. he took you out to a local park, set out a couple of blankets and a portable telescope, and for the rest night you guys looked at the sky, his hand brushing lightly across you, shoulders touching, content to be in that moment forever. 

once you were drinking a can of monster, and oikawa had never tried it before, so he asked if he could have some. you gave him a can and he drank the entire thing in like 10 minutes, and it a whole ass ride for him- like he travelled through different dimensions, and for the rest of the day he was super hyper, and talked really fast until it was almost not understandable, and it was so funny. 

he really likes your hair and will always offer to touch it up if your roots are growing out. he is actually pretty good at it, and he will always make the hair dye sessions a mini date, where you guys do face masks and bitch about people while music plays in the background. one time he also dyed a little bit of his hair to match you, and it looked pretty good.

he tried to make you fried noodles to surprise you, but ended up burning them and setting off the smoke alarm. you ended up making it with him, and with you help, the noodles turned out pretty good, and after some practice, he can make them on his own pretty well. once he put in some really spicy peppers just to get a reaction from you and when you tasted it, you almost murdered him, because he was just laughing so hard while you basically died.

one of the most memorable dates you had with him was when you guys went to eat at a small restaurant in the city, so you had to take the subway to get there, and it was really romantic and cute, and after you guys ate, you and oikawa just explored the city, his arm around your waist the entire time. while you guys were outside, it started raining really hard, and you had to quickly sprint to the subway station, before you and oikawa could get too drenched. he used his jacket to cover you, though it didn’t do much, and you ended up getting home at 2am, soaking wet and a little cold, but it was worth it, because you and oikawa had a really fun time together.

you and oikawa sometimes have midnight karaoke sessions, where you play whatever music you are feeling like listening to at the moment, and you both just sing your hearts out. you have so many videos of oikawa attempting to sing the higher notes, and these performances always end in you guys laughing from how stupid you both look and sound.

you guys are both really competitive, so if you are doing something together, you and oikawa will make it a lowkey competition, and the winner gets bragging rights for like a week, and gets to make shady comments about how they are better. so far you guys are pretty even with the winning and losing, but you have a few more wins than he does (much to oikawa’s dismay)

overall, you guys just give off these bad bitch, i’m hotter than you vibes, and everyone aspires to have a chill but still romantic relationship like you and oikawa have. there is never an unexciting or boring moment with you two, and it’s always fun just to be around you guys, no matter what you are doing.

i hope you enjoyed!

[fericita-s]

Beginning After The End (Part 2)

Part 1

Thank you @the-spaztic-fantastic​ for being the best encourager on this - from brainstorming to editing to some specific ideas in this chapter that I don’t want to spoil but that include drugs and nightmares and Hubert comforting Thea. Oh no! I’ve said too much!

Sasha chatted on the walk to the stones, telling Hubert about her aspirations of studying music at a conservatory somewhere in Europe and Thea could already feel a headache taking residence at the spot where her backbone met her neck. Sasha was a talented violinist, and she loved that her daughter wanted to study music, but the idea of anyone else sailing away from her was like getting kicked in the stomach.  

“My grandparents in Denmark said I’m welcome there anytime and they would arrange for private tutors. And Aunt Linnea in London has said the same. Perhaps mother will let me go this year.”

Hubert looked over Sasha’s head at Thea and raised his eyebrow in question.  Thea shook her head and felt the panic rise in her chest at the thought of her daughter leaving on a ship.

“I hope you’ll play for me while I’m here. Letters can’t convey the beauty of music, though your mother and your father both tried when writing of your talent,” Hubert said.  Thea was grateful for this change in topic even as the panic continued to vibrate through her.

Is that why Agnarr and Iduna were always so different? Why they closed the gates and kept their daughters hidden? They knew the cost life demanded. The scars it left on the living.

They stopped walking when they reached the stones, dark and bleak against the sky in the bright sun of the morning.  Thea saw Maddie and Ingrid holding hands at the stone bearing Iduna’s name and Henrik, Sigrid, Greet, and Oaken standing by Agnarr’s in a tight circle. Everyone with their partner, looking at death and huddling together, warding it away from their own homes.  Thea hugged her arms around herself as she neared them, feeling the loss of Elias’s guiding hand on her waist keenly.

The men shook hands and the ladies hugged and then they all stood silently for a while, staring at the stones.  No one seemed to know what to do or what to say, and Thea thought Agnarr or Elias would have known how to say the right words, to lead the right ceremony, to soothe and comfort and offer hope.

After a while, Henrik cleared his throat.  “Hudson’s? My treat.”

The group walked slowly back down toward the town proper and there was no chatter this time.  They made a somber procession.  The Market Square was still draped in black banners and the flag of Arendelle lay limply on the pole at half mast.  Thea felt a satisfaction in that, the entire kingdom mourning like she had been mourning since the king and queen came to her home in the fall of the previous year.  Both had looked so stricken that Thea knew what they would say even before they sat down with her in her own sitting room to tell her about the wreck of a ship that had been found, the pieces splintered and shattered among a skerry far to the north.

Iduna had hugged her and Agnarr had stuttered on words of promise about giving Elias the honor he deserved and setting up their children with a life-long pension.  Thea had only said “But he always comes back,” and hadn’t cried until they’d left, her hands on her middle where a new baby was growing.

Halima greeted them and brought drinks around even though it was still mid-morning. She put a hand on Henrik’s shoulder as she set a pitcher in front of him and he put his hand to hers and squeezed.  

“Thank you, Halima.  Join us?”

Halima shook her head. “No, they’re best remembered by their closest friends. Let me know if you need anything.” She walked to the front door and bolted it from the inside, then excused herself to the back rooms. 

Thea watched as she walked away, a sadness to the slump of her shoulders that had been there for many years. Once, Halima had spoken to her of a young man who had been lost in the Northern Expedition, who she hoped had somehow been able to survive within the thick mist that shut out the Northern lands. Looking at her, Thea wondered if that was a worse fate than knowing your loved one was dead - to have a small flame of hope burning up any ability to move on or find new love. She reached for Sasha’s hand and held it tightly. 

Henrik sighed. “Agnarr has the place cleared out for us one last time.”

Thea watched as Maddie brushed tears from her eyes and Ingrid put an arm around her.

“To King Agnarr and Queen Iduna,” Henrik said, raising his glass and standing up.  The others got to their feet and raised theirs as well.  

Their voices joined together in a “Skal” that was probably the least celebratory Thea had ever heard, but it seemed to cheer Henrik a bit.

“Do you remember my last night here before going to Oxford? When we had to rearrange the seating and keep refilling Agnarr’s glass in the hope that he would finally tell Iduna he loved her?” Henrik took a sip of his drink and then wrapped his hands around it, squeezing tightly.  Sigrid leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder. 

“I was not here for that, but I can see why it would have been necessary,” Hubert said, a fond smile coming to his lips.

“Oh, it was very necessary,” said Greet. “That man loved her so much, but could not figure out how to do anything about it!” 

“That’s not entirely fair.  All those elaborate gifts? He tried.  Iduna didn’t or couldn’t understand,” said Maddie, and then whispered something in Ingrid’s ear that Thea didn’t hear.  

“That was the first night I met some of you,” Thea said as she put her glass on the table.  “I remember seeing the king run his hand along Iduna’s back and hoping that he wasn’t ruining her reputation forever.”

Greet laughed.  “I tried to get her to do far more to him that would ruin her reputation.”

Thea shot a glance at Sasha, who looked slightly embarrassed to be hearing this about the king and queen. She put her hand back in Sasha’s as she spoke.  “I didn’t understand Arendelle then.  Or how they were together. But later I did. When we’d paint together and talk, or watch Elias and the king together doing their wrestling or swimming.”

Thea had surprised herself by saying Elias’s name out loud and hated that the conversation, which had just been turning to happier memories, was newly awash in grief at the mention of her husband.

“Where are your children, Henrik?” Greet asked, after the silence had stretched out unbearably long.

“Home in London. The boys are nearly old enough to oversee the business now,” he answered.  “A little younger than you, Sasha.”

Oaken took an impossibly long drink from his glass and then wiped his hand across his mouth. “The business, it is good, ja?”

Henrik shrugged, but Sigrid nodded and added “Yes, very.  Ice exports are very much in demand.”

“Interesting,” said Hubert. “We should discuss it sometime.  I’m transitioning away from ambassador duties to the more sedentary life of growing the national rail system.  Which includes as a priority ice cars for transporting perishable goods.”

Henrik tipped his glass towards Hubert. “Certainly.  Perhaps another weekend in Paris?”

Hubert visibly paled and coughed before reaching for his glass. 

“No? Are you settled down then? Abandoning world travel for the delights and comforts of home?” Sigrid elbowed Henrik and Thea thought this was the best tribute to Agnarr and Iduna, for friends to be sharing stories and talking, instead of standing silently, paralyzed with grief. 

“No, I’m not so lucky as you. My sister Sara keeps hoping I’ll put an end to my days of being a bachelor.  And I should tell you, I had to avoid the attentions of a woman whom I think you are all very familiar with.  Unpleasantly so.”

“Who?” Greet asked, leaning forward. “A woman from Arendelle?”

“No, but one who made quite the impression on Arendelle during a certain birthday ball and garden party.”

“Lady Alexsandra?” Greet asked, and it was nearly a shriek.

“Worse,” said Hubert.  “She tried to arrange a match between myself and her daughter, newly eighteen.”

Sasha pulled away from Thea at that, straightening up. “Ugh! Eighteen! You’re past forty!”

“That's what I said, though far more diplomatically,” laughed Hubert.  “I can assure you neither Alexsandra nor her daughter are any more pleasant about being told ‘no’ than you would expect.”

“Did that work? Being nice?” Henrik asked, laughing.

“No.  It was more satisfying to be rude anyway,” Hubert said, laughing along with Henrik.

“And did that work?” Sasha asked, eyes wide in horror at this story of a girl her own age being offered in marriage to a man her father’s age.

‘No,” Hubert said, still laughing. “So I suddenly stopped being able to speak German.  Then French.  Then English.  They only stopped their pursuit when stymied by my Flemish.”

“She was the worst, I can well believe she’d try to arrange a match with little input from the groom,” said Greet.  “Thank goodness Iduna was our queen instead of her.”

“Quite the legacy she left, where we all shudder at her name,” said Hubert. “And you have her to thank that no one knows your full name, Sasha.”

Sasha sat up straight in her chair, aghast. “What?”

“We named you Aleksandra for my grandmother, but she was called Sasha.  And Elias and I vowed we’d never tell the king and queen your real name.” Thea said, raising her eyebrow at Hubert who shook his head and shrugged.

“But - but they’re my godparents!” Sasha spluttered, unbelieving.  “How did they not know my name?”

The rest of the friends laughed and Thea squeezed Sasha’s hand while Hubert looked at them both with an apologetic smile.

***

“Their twins are about Vadik's age.  They moved out of the town when they were born and further up in the mountains,” Thea explained later when Hubert asked about Maddie and Ingrid’s family.  Maddie had been even more reserved that usual and hardly spoken at all in the time the friends spent together. 

“Two at once? What a blessing.”

But Thea cringed, his words calling to her mind the double tragedy they had been observing that day. Two gone at once, beneath the waves, to be splintered and crushed in all the ways she had imagined Elias had spent his last moments. Maybe two at once was a blessing.

 But mostly it was nice having Hubert there, and so little had been nice lately.  When she hadn’t been tending to her own grief, wild and unruly like the cloudberries on a skerry, she had to tend to her children’s needs and to the elder Mr. and Mrs. Calder’s before their deaths.  Two at once.  A blessing.

Hubert led her and the children on walks to the waterfall and to the top of the clock tower.  He asked to be shown the aquaculture projects he had been instrumental in setting up a decade ago, and then withdrew his request without protest when Thea said “We won’t be sailing.”  

And then, a month into his stay with them, when she was starting to wonder if this was a permanent arrangement and realizing she didn’t mind if it was, Hubert proposed.

***

Hubert arranged everything.  He suggested they get married in Antwerp so Sara could be present and assured Thea that the ship would deliver them all safely.  As Thea packed trunks and asked servants if they preferred to travel with them or stay behind to keep the family home in good order, she tried to avoid thinking of being on a ship.  But it came unbidden: the water roiling below and the winds whipping the sails, cracks of wood splitting apart and masts torn in two.

The night before they left, she lay in her bed, sleepless and thinking of the first time Elias had taken her sailing.  They were officially courting by then and she no longer tried to disguise her appreciative looks at his form as he manned the sails on their small craft. When the wind blew sprays of water onto them, he had shaken his head  and whooped.  “Is there any better feeling than this?” He had shouted, and even though he was so close she could reach out and touch him, his voice barely carried over the wind.  

When they tied up the boat and walked along a skerry, she ran her hands under his loose shirt and he took it off in a swift motion.  “Better for sailing anyway,” he said, and winked at her. He dipped his head low to kiss her and his lips tasted salty with the sea. 

Her hands trembled to touch the bare skin of his back and at her light touch, he gasped.  “I was wrong, this is the best feeling,” he said and Thea agreed, telling him so with her hands splayed out and pressed more firmly into his back and then daringly dipping further down to feel the curve of him rather than only the hard planes of his back.

***

She woke without realizing she had slept, and already felt sick with nerves at the thought of her whole family on a ship together.  Sasha boarded first, running up the gangplank with Vadik close behind.  They had missed this, she knew.  They loved sailing with their father and had been excited at this change they were making as a family.  Thea held little Elias but Hubert took him from her so she could walk unencumbered across the gangplank, and then the nursemaid took the baby from him.  Thea gripped the railing and stared at their home on the waterfront until it was a speck in the distance.

What was hard during the day was unbearable at night.  Sasha and Vadik loved sleeping in the hammocks on board, and though Hubert had given her the largest quarters, all Thea could do was pace and pace.  The baby had never slept so soundly, lulled by the rocking, and she knew she didn’t need to be holding him for his sake.  But she clung to him, reminding herself why she couldn’t fly apart into a thousand pieces, like Elias’s ship had, flung across miles of shoreline and skerries. 

A light rap on the door drew her out of her macabre thoughts and she crossed the room to open it.  Hubert was there, holding some wine.  

“I thought you might like a drink?” He drew out another bottle, this one small.  It looked medicinal, though Thea couldn’t read the label. “Or perhaps something stronger? This would let you sleep.  I can be sure the children are cared for.”

Thea allowed him to take the baby to the nursemaid and by the time he returned she was sitting on the edge of the narrow bed, clutching herself tightly and rocking in motion with the ship.  He sat down next to her, leaving space between them. 

“I know this is hard. I wish there was another way to get where we’re going.”  He placed both bottles on their sides on the bed and she wished he would just make her drink something.  Deciding was too much right now. 

“I think I might go mad.  All I can think about is all of us sinking to the bottom of the ocean.”

“And you don’t want that?”

Thea looked up sharply, surprised.  “Of course not.”

Hubert shrugged.  “Sometimes people want to die after their loved one does.  I know Sara had that despair for some time. She was widowed after only two years of marriage to her love.”

“No,” Thea said.  “I want to live,” and she was somewhat surprised to find it true.  

The ship pitched forward suddenly and she began to tumble off of the bed, but Hubert’s arms caught her around the waist and then pulled her back onto the bed, against himself.  

“Easy, easy,” he muttered, in the same way Thea might have calmed a horse or a colicky baby.  He took one hand off of her to reach for the smaller bottle.  

“Drink this.  I’ll stay with you and make sure all is well.  The nursemaid has the children.”

Thea opened her mouth as he poured the contents of the bottle in her mouth and she swallowed, tears coming to her eyes as another swell pitched the ship forward and the sound of creaking boards brought goosebumps to her flesh.

“It’s too hard, it’s too hard,” she muttered and Hubert held her tightly, telling her of his parents and how they had sailed from Prussia to Antwerp following a fast courtship and then lived happily for years in the home they were sailing to now.  She fell asleep with his mouth inches from her ear, his arms around her waist.

***

Thea woke and saw Elias sitting across from her, in the chair she knew was left behind in their family home in Arendelle.  He was smoking a pipe but the air smelled like saltwater.  The smoke from his pipe was turning into crocuses that lost their petals as they slammed to the floor and shattered.

She tried to sit up but her head weighed too much and she could do no more than roll to her side.  Elias took the pipe out of his mouth and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.  “I know you miss me, but you can’t come here.” 

He stood up and walked towards her, each step sounding like cannon fire.  He put his hand on her cheek but she couldn’t feel it and she moaned and closed her eyes.

When she opened them again, Elias was standing in front of her, frantic.  

“You shouldn’t be here! It’s too dangerous!” Rain was pelting him and his coat was torn at the shoulder. “The ship is falling apart!” 

Again, she tried to sit up but this time her legs wouldn’t move and when she looked down at them and then back up, Elias was gone. 

“Elias? Where did you go?”

Hubert answered.  “He had to go, but I’m here.  I’m here.”

Thea closed her eyes again. “Will he come back if I close my eyes?”

She felt Hubert’s hand on her cheek and it made her cry.  If Elias had been real, she would have felt him.  Wouldn’t she?

“He can’t come back.  But he loved you very much, and he loves you still.”

***

A letter wouldn't have arrived faster than their passage, so when the family arrived in Antwerp, Hubert’s sister Sara met them at the pier, surprised and happy.

“Hubert, are those your children?” she asked, incredulous.

“They will be,” he answered, and Thea knew she had done the right thing. 

***

She had felt shattered at Elias’s death and, now in a home that didn’t overpower her with memories, she was aligning the fragments of those memories so they didn’t pierce her in a way that cut off her breath. She hoped she would figure out how to fully come back to herself before Hubert tired of this half-life woman he had married, before the children tired of her melancholy and moods. Before she lost herself totally and led a life that was worse than death.  But she wanted to live.  She just had to figure out how.

[vinylhazza]

So I didn't know who to ask so I thought I'd ask you. My "friends" are pretty toxic and stuff, i'm always the one fixing their relationships, I'm always the one that puts them back together when they get heartbroken. But when it comes to me, I'm left all alone to fix it ALL by myself. Should I find new friends and forget about the ones I have now?

um okay the thing is lol so were mine and i’m still like really heartbroken that our relationship was as good as trash for some reason so maybe i’m not the best person to be asking? but look.

you as a person, as your own individual soul, with your own thoughts and feelings, your own dreams, your own aspirations, your own emotions, you have every right to a happy life. if those friends bring your more stress, anxiety, worry, discomfort when they should be lifting you up - then it’s time to let them go baby. you are worth so much more than being the fucking “emotion maid” for your friends who are plenty capable of handling their own problems. they come to you because you are always there. and it sounds to me like they are taking advantage of you my love.

and “forgetting” about them isn’t gonna be a piece of cake, baby. i can assure you of that. it’s gonna suck because they are part of your routine and as humans we naturally HATE change - so it’s gonna feel a little misplaced for a bit. but it will get easier and you will find people that value your problems just as much as you do theirs. the right people will match your efforts honey. i promise you this isn’t going to last forever, and promise me you will remember that. your friends shouldn’t be breaking your heart like this. they should feel like home. and if they don’t, it’s time to move right?

have a discussion maybe with them, if you think they are mature enough to even understand and hear your feelings. they might not know they are even hurting you, so maybe try and mention that you are just exhausted and would like a shoulder to lean on as well.

but again this is all in your hands. this is advice from a girl on a fan account lol you can take it or leave it i don’t think i would know anyway. but i hope that whatever you do decide to do brings your heart and mind some peace because it is absolute hell having to fight for a relationship that always feels one sided.

you are special and you are worth all the love and effort in the world babygirl you better keep that head up because good things are coming, i just know it 💕

[scribblesofanaricat]

75 music-y writing prompts

(free to reblog; shoot me some if you want to see my sucky writing ;-;)

What the hell’s your name? What’s your pleasure and what is your pain? (Green Day - Homecoming)

And I know it must be late, been gone since yesterday. I’m not like you guys, I’m not like you. (Blink-182 - Aliens Exist)

‘Cause I don’t have a reason and you don’t have the time. (Linkin Park - Final Masquerade)

When the leaves fall and the woods call and the moon seems to kiss me goodnight. (Cavetown - Rain)

I hold hands with cosmic entities. (Scott Helman - Sweet Tooth)

No one laughing at your back now, no one standing at your door. (Beck - Lost Cause)

Dancing on cold feet, marching on cobbled streets. (Barns Courtney - Sinners)

Tell me that I won’t feel a thing. (Green Day - Give Me Novacaine)

You wanted in and now you’re here, driven by hate, consumed by fear. (Drowning Pool - Bodies)

Kick the door ‘cause this is over, get me out of here. (Simple Plan - No Love)

Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple, sometimes goodbye’s the only way. (Linkin Park - Shadow Of The Day)

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door. (Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit)

Well, no one here is getting out alive; this time I’ve really lost my mind and I don’t care. (Green Day - Having A Blast)

I’ve been drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap. (Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box)

Singing, I can hear them singing. (Green Day - Before The Lobotomy)

Throw my emotions in the grave, hell, who needs them anyway? (Green Day - Burnout)

You’ve come this far, you’re all cleaned up, you’ve made a mess again. (All Time Low - Missing You)

A gunshot rings out at the station, another urchin snaps and left dead on his own. (Green Day - Welcome To Paradise)

They don’t have to understand you, be still. Wait and know I understand you, be still, be still. (Flyleaf - Again)

Don’t you think it’s funny how they tell us how to live? Don’t you think it’s funny how we’re all delinquent kids? (Benny - Little Game)

I’m on the run from a thief I let into my head. (Thousand Foot Krutch - Fly On The Wall)

Your crusade’s a disguise. (Linkin Park - No More Sorrow)

I knew you back when, and you, you knew me. Now I think you’re sick and I wanna go home. (Green Day - Emenius Sleepus)

Do you lock yourself in your room with the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming? (Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life)

I need to find a place to hide; you never know what could be waiting outside. (Green Day - Restless Heart Syndrome)

Got my fears in a suitcase. I locked them away in a place they wouldn’t find. (All Time Low - Nightmares)

It’s not worth it, it’s not working. You wanted it to be picture perfect. (Thousand Foot Krutch - Take It Out On Me)

I wanna be a celebrity martyr, the leading man in my own private drama, hurrah, hurrah, the hero of the hour. (Green Day - Bang Bang)

Don’ be afraid. I’ve taken my beating, I’ve shared what I’ve made. (Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest)

In a burst of light that blinded every angel, as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars. (Linkin Park - Iridescent)

I forgot my name again; I think that’s something worth remembering. (Cavetown - Devil Town)

Crooked spine, my senses dulled past the past of delirium. (Green Day - Brain Stew)

How it feels to be forgotten, but you’ll never forget me now. (Skillet - Back From The Dead)

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s like a child that was left behind. (Green Day - The Forgotten)

The lights are on, but nobody’s home. (Linkin Park - Talking To Myself)

Do you remember when we learned how to fly? (Paradise Fears - Battle Scars)

Running out of service, in the blood I fell. (Green Day - See The Light)

And when the storm’s gone, I’ll all torn up inside. (Blink-182 - Story Of A Lonely Guy)

The devil told me “no room for cheats”; I thought I’d sold my soul, but he kept the receipt. (Bring Me The Horizon - Doomed)

I never knew how much it would hurt to feel. (All Time Low - Some Kind Of Disaster)

Trust is a dirty word that comes only from such a liar. (Green Day - Church On Sunday)

I’m deafened by the silence. Is it something that I’ve done? (Simple Plan - Astronaut)

I can’t begin to end the fight. I’m afraid to feel the fire from inside. (Fight Or Flight - First Of The Last)

Stumbling through a thousand stars and neon cars break through my skull. (Cavetown - Candle)

Why does it feel like night today? Something in here’s not right today. (Linkin Park - Papercut)

It’s scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls. (Skillet - Monster)

Forget-me-nots, second thoughts live in isolation. (Green Day - Are We The Waiting)

What if I’m not a part of the see and be seen? (Worriers - They/Them/Theirs)

Are there any survivors? Am I here alone? (Passenger - Survivors)

Time stands still, but I cannot. (Set It Off - I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead)

Tell us a story that’s by candlelight, waging a war and losing the fight. (Green Day - Song Of The Century)

Every second I waste is more than I can take (Linkin Park - Numb)

The sticks and the stones that you used to throw have built me an empire. (Bring Me The Horizon, Throne)

But seldom do these words ring true when I’m constantly failing you, like walls that we just can’t break through until we disappear. (Rise Against - Saviour)

This world will never be what I expected and if I don’t belong, who would’ve guessed it? (Three Days Grace - Never Too Late)

All the vampires walking through the valley move west down Ventura Boulevard. (Tom Petty - Free Fallin’)

What if I just tried not to remember? Would it matter at all? (Skillet - Would It Matter)

Billboard on the rise in the dawn’s landscape, working your insanity. (Green Day - The Static Age)

Just two kids, stupid and fearless. (All Time Low - Time Bomb)

Feel the rumours follow you from Monday all the way to Friday dinner. (Wrabel - The Village)

Are you dead? Sometimes I think I’m dead, ‘cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head. (Cavetown - This Is Home)

This house is haunted. It’s so pathetic. It makes no sense at all. (Blink-182 - Stay Together For The Kids)

They’re gonna rip off your heads, your aspirations to shreds, another cog in the murder machine. (My Chemical Romance - Teenagers)

Where do we begin, the rubble or our sins? (Bastille - Pompeii)

The insurgency will rise when the blood’s been sacrificed. (Green Day - Know Your Enemy)

It’s all the same down in the capital, all the suits and cladded feet. (Sam Fender - Play God)

You can run, but you can't hide. Time won’t help you ‘cause karma has no deadline. (Bring Me The Horizon - True Friends)

So we all stand enthralled by this bland curtain call. (Set It Off - Kill The Lights)

Here we are at the top of a hill, a hill that’s quietly crumbling. Been a while since you dressed for the kill, the kill that sent me tumbling. (All Time Low - Kids In The Dark)

I can’t sit back and wonder why it took so long for this to die. (Sum 41 - In Too Deep)

I’m learning to resist becoming more than you ever were. (Five Finger Death Punch - Hard To See)

Lost in a tangle, it’s freaking me out, burning lights and blackouts. (Green Day - Forever Now)

Half the words don’t mean a thing. (Linkin Park - Bleed It Out)

I’m not insane, just irrational...but isn’t that the same? (Cavetown - Poison)

There’s so much more; you can reclaim your crown. (Lauren Aquilina - King)

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Who's in your bit rn Buster: Diego and Gus Rio: Oh good Rio: well too fast for Tommy Buster: He's got that fucked knee, like Rio: That's a poltie way to say he just got outwitted by a couple of toddlers Buster: Yeah Rio: You want me to come take 'em away or is there someone else in there with Buster: Just me, that was the appeal initially Rio: Lucky you Rio: I've gained a shadow, like Buster: Can't really tell a 6 year old to fuck off Buster: Shame Rio: Yeah Rio: you remember how to sign it if you need to? Buster: 'Course Rio: 👍 Buster: 🍀 Rio: Please Rio: got quite enough pride assaulting me without you starting Buster: Fine Buster: Since you remembered your manners about it Rio: I don't remember you being this concerned with manners, ever Buster: That's how you know I'm taking the piss even when you can't actually keep up Rio: If I hadn't kept up, I wouldn't feel this shit today, like Buster: It don't mean you did Buster: Half of what I had would knock you over Rio: and you don't know the half of what I had Rio: only brought me a few, don't get carried away Buster: I'm not asking for a list, like Rio: You won't be getting one Rio: don't fancy boking to top it off Buster: There weren't any brandy on it, I already checked Buster: You'll be grand Rio: Tah for the concern 😏 Buster: You're so welcome Rio: Okay, take the piss all you like but its weird when you're polite Buster: Fuck you then Rio: More like it Buster: I do aim to please Buster: Everybody knows that Rio: A long way from Chelsea, boyo Buster: No shit Rio: Be home for you in no time Rio: no O'somethings in sight Buster: Counting the seconds, like Rio: Do it quietly Buster: Diego and Gus ain't concerned Rio: not much does them Rio: 'cept being forced to particiate in family shit Rio: got a lot in common Buster: Yeah Rio: monosyllabic is alright but if you go full catatonic, I'll have to tell someone Rio: you know the rules Buster: I know they're meant to be broken Buster: So don't worry about it Rio: Sure Rio: that rule goes without saying Buster: They're on the move Buster: Do you want me to follow 'em? Rio: Can you Rio: I'll head up now but just so they don't get lost lost Buster: Sure Rio: 👍 Rio: [hunt 'em down girl] Buster: [Buster just awkwardly lurking so they don't die] Rio: [just nodding a little like thanks then and 'leave you to it again' before chasing 'em off] Buster: [forever watching her go like it's nothing] Rio: [rip] Buster: [at least most of the fam are having a nice time, god bless] Rio: [if that ain't being a teenager tbh, even if you weren't secretly in love with your cousin, like] Buster: [one is relatable if not the other lol] Rio: [let time pass] Rio: you want a coffee from the cafe? Buster: Less want, more need Rio: Exactly Rio: it'll be shit but I don't have any coke on me either Buster: You're a continual source of disappointment to me, Cavante Rio: Not the magic word Buster: Should be Buster: It's more motivational Rio: Don't change career plan Rio: put it that way Buster: I don't intend to Rio: and I don't need motivating Buster: Just shit coffee, alright Rio: Currently Rio: don't imagine you'll be coming up with any better plans any time soon Buster: I easily could but I can't imagine including you in 'em regardless Rio: Yeah yeah Rio: shut up and don't be a dick whilst I wait for these drinks at least Buster: [pops up like oh hey because that dick 'I'll wait, you sit'] Rio: [shooketh but does best not to show it, goes and sits like] Buster: [doing that whole waiting and paying thing] Rio: [sneak peeks honey Buster: [blatantly has also bought her a 🍪 or something cos nerd so bringing that over] Rio: [when you're confusion but not gonna turn down a free cookie #same and drinking that coffee like you need it to live 'cos you do] Buster: [Likewise drinking that coffee as fast as he can without burning his tongue lol] Rio: [just having a silent coffee break] Buster: [so awkward] Rio: [at least you aren't running away lads] Buster: [proud of you] Rio: [look like better? when they're done] Buster: [clearing the shit away so he don't have to answer because not really lbr] Rio: [can have Grace come find her #obsessed so they don't have to do this rn] Buster: [hey girl hey when he'd literally run off cos she's that annoying haha] Rio: Oh cheers Buster: Don't mention it Rio: can't you come entertain her Rio: you're clearly good with kids Buster: It ain't me she wants Rio: 🙄 I'm tired Buster: I'll go score us some lines then, yeah? Rio: Yeah, obvs Buster: I am gonna get out of here though Buster: So if anyone asks you ain't seen me in ages Rio: Why am I covering for you Buster: 'Cause you're not a snitch Rio: Sure about that one now Buster: Always been sure about it Rio: Off you go then Buster: Cheers for the permission Rio: You don't have it but I'm sure that's part of the appeal Buster: I don't need yours and I don't want theirs Rio: Exactly Buster: It's your own fault you're too popular to come with Rio: I don't imagine I was invited Rio: and how is it anyway Buster: Best big sister ever is likely to be missed in a second, like Rio: not a choice Buster: Yeah it is Rio: not for me Buster: More fool you Buster: Enjoy being tired and bored Rio: Thanks Rio: for not getting it Buster: I get it, I just choose not to pander to it Buster: The way you've made yours ain't my problem Rio: Its beyond apparent that you don't but that's not anyone's but yours today Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: What you said, yeah Buster: Nah but feel free to put words in my mouth if it ends this convo quicker Rio: Talking about you and your sister, actually Rio: not exactly aspirational Buster: Good Buster: Even you can aim higher than she is Rio: She's not the one fucking up Buster: That's debatable Rio: And you have nothing like a majority Buster: Woe's me Rio: Seriously Buster: How will I ever win now? Oh yeah that's right, easily Rio: Only by your own definition Rio: we can all do that, McKenna Buster: Why are you such a loser then? Rio: Because your definition means fuck all to me Buster: And yours means even less than that to me Buster: Save your breath for running around after the kids Rio: 💔 Buster: I know Buster: At least you wear it well though Rio: Thought you would have matured a bit by now Rio: how awkward Buster: Do yourself a favour and don't think about me so much Rio: I'm not pretending I've got somewhere else to be Buster: Me either Rio: uhuh Buster: I've left the shit museum, I don't have to have a destination in mind beyond that Buster: But since you're so interested I'll probably go to the gym Rio: You know they won't let you use the weight machines Rio: you're too little Buster: Hilarious Buster: Last night I was tall Rio: They got age limits Rio: don't want any weird body builder kids Buster: I didn't ask you to worry about how I'm spending the rest of my day Rio: Who's worrying but you Buster: You're going on about it more than my parents ever have about anything so obviously you Rio: so your parents are shit Rio: got it, it was kinda obvious without you banging on about it Buster: It's the first time I've mentioned them so what's actually obvious is that I'm not banging on about anything Rio: Don't cry Buster: You already did that so there's not really much point Buster: I'd just look like a copycat Rio: Yeah, and you're NEVER that 😂 Buster: Not of anything you do, no Rio: just all your really cool friends Buster: They follow my lead Rio: of course Buster: I'll let you know if Diego and Gus are successful in making their own escape and I see 'em on the street Buster: No need to pretend you wanna chat to me beyond that Rio: Not me that can't hold a conversation Rio: but thanks Buster: I never said you can't, I said you don't want to Rio: Same difference, clearly Buster: There's loads of difference Rio: I don't doubt you're able to string together more than two words at a time but if you ain't with me, why would I care Buster: I can be as coherent as you like, the fact remains you don't like it Rio: You haven't said anything worth listening to for years, Buster Buster: And you know why Buster: Until you wanna acknowledge that, Rio, there'll continue to be fuck all to say and even less to listen to Rio: Don't speak to me like that Rio: where the fuck have you been, when have you ever tried to acknowledge it Rio: don't put it all on me when you're just as complicit, good or bad Buster: Don't speak to me at all Buster: You know where I went Buster: Where the fuck are you? Rio: Do I Buster: It's no secret, it's never been Buster: I'm still there, any time you feel like looking me up Rio: You ain't Rio: and maybe I ain't either Buster: It ain't that simple, like it or not Buster: I'm still the same person Rio: I don't see it Rio: we aren't Buster: You see what you wanna see Buster: Just like every fucker else Rio: Who wants this Rio: why would I Rio: its fucking Buster: You made choices that got you here Buster: If you don't wanna be, make different ones Rio: I didn't just make a choice Rio: it was mutual Rio: and it ain't that simple, like it or not Buster: I'm where I need to be, it's that simple for me Rio: You're where your parents put you Rio: you've got no ownership over that Buster: I didn't mean geographically Rio: Neither did I Buster: Then you're wrong, I do have ownership over it Buster: I've done what I've done 'cause I have to do it, end of Buster: I can't be in any other place with you Rio: You could Rio: but you've made your choice Rio: I just hope it is 'yours' Buster: I don't do things for anyone else Buster: That's you Rio: Alright Rio: here's me pretending to believe that Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'm a selfish cunt there's no pretending otherwise Rio: 👍 Rio: not saying you're not giving it your best shot Buster: Nah, you're too busy acting like I backed you into a corner you don't wanna be in Rio: How would you know Rio: did we ever talk about it Rio: no Rio: have you asked since Rio: also no Buster: I know 'cause I used to know you and I still know what matters to you Buster: So we don't need to talk about it Buster: And I'm not gonna ask Rio: Fine Buster: Yeah Rio: Like I said, you have no fucking idea Buster: And what, you really don't think that's for the best? Rio: It's what it is Buster: No, come on, you want me to know you like that Buster: You wanna give any power to me Rio: It ain't about want Rio: pretend all you like Buster: What is it about then? Rio: Don't do yourself down Rio: you know Buster: You're lamenting that chat we never had, you tell me Rio: Forget it Rio: if you aren't gonna at least do me the favour of keeping up Buster: I told you, I'm not a charity Buster: Say it Rio: Neither am I Buster: As far as your boyfriend is concerned, probably reconsider the stance Buster: You could do loads better otherwise Rio: There's nothing wrong with my boyfriend Buster: If that were true he'd get a girl his own age Rio: Well he's always liked me Rio: and I'm better than any girl his age Buster: Oh please Rio: I am Rio: but I don't need you to think so, he already does Buster: I already said you can do better than that cunt, I don't need you to feed me a rehearsed line Rio: I like him Rio: you don't even know him Buster: Thank fuck I don't Buster: He's obviously a nonce Rio: Shut up Rio: you're so childish Buster: Don't let him round your sisters Buster: You'll be too old for him soon Rio: Stop Rio: you aren't funny Buster: It isn't funny Buster: But I'll get my mum to have a word with you before we go, she's got more experience than me Rio: Yeah, make it something it ain't Rio: she's not pissed off with you enough, like Rio: use her trauma for whatever point you think you have Buster: I don't give a shit how angry she is at me Buster: You either Buster: I'm right and he's fucking wrong Rio: Well it ain't your decision is it so Buster: As long as it's yours Rio: Ha ha Buster: Don't Buster: You ain't this stupid Rio: I'm not stupid at all Buster: So stop acting like it Rio: I'm not Rio: he's actually nice Buster: All's forgiven then Buster: Fuck's sake, Rio Rio: What Rio: you either want me to move on or you don't Rio: you can't have it both ways Buster: Any cunt can be nice Rio: Yeah well loads aren't Buster: That don't mean you should settle for the first one who is Buster: If I can have it any way, I'll have it that you do better Rio: Alright, thanks for the input Buster: Come on Rio: You Rio: why do you think you get a say when I just have to watch you making loads of mistakes yourself Buster: You know why Rio: You're in or you're out Rio: and we know which way it is when it comes down to it Buster: End it with him Rio: You're not being fair Rio: you don't talk to me Rio: you won't Buster: I can't be fairer, break up with him and I won't fucking kill him Rio: For God's sake Buster: Bring him into it as well if you want Buster: I don't care Rio: I'm not going to dump someone 'cos you tell me to Rio: if I do it'll be because I want to Buster: As long as you do it, the reason doesn't matter to me Rio: I'm not doing anything right now Buster: I'm not asking you to, you've got til I leave Buster: I can't kill him if I ain't here Rio: He's not done anything, like Buster: I've only got your word for that and it's for shit when you talk about him so Rio: Why is it Buster: Read back all the bullshit you said and ask me that again if you still feel like it's a fair question Rio: It isn't bullshit Rio: he is nice, we argue sometimes or he annoys me but that's normal Rio: I'm not an idiot Buster: Like I said, if you're not, stop acting like one Buster: You can't tell me that him being older ain't weird Rio: You just don't wanna hear it 'cos you've made your mind up Rio: and it's not, it's good, he has a moped and a job so we can actually do things Buster: I don't wanna hear about the things you do, cheers Rio: Don't be gross Buster: Do you love him? Rio: That's way too serious Rio: It's not been that long or Rio: no Buster: Okay Rio: You know how it is Buster: Do I? Rio: 'Course Rio: don't need to be on your socials to know Buster: You can just admit you are, I reckon we're slightly past the feigned indifference Rio: Alright Rio: I'm allowed to Buster: You've always been allowed to do whatever the fuck you want Rio: Backatcha Buster: Just forget it, I'm calmer now Buster: Your boyfriend can live to nonce another day Rio: Really Buster: What? Rio: It's fine, just exactly what I said Buster: Alright Rio: Actually, no it ain't Buster: Yeah well Rio: Don't yeah well me Buster: Don't tell me how to speak Rio: You've really just dropped that to drop it Rio: why Buster: What are you talking about? Rio: Fuck that Rio: don't try to gaslight me too Buster: Calm down Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: No, just 'cos you have doesn't mean I am too Rio: you've just thrown all your bullshit at me and then bounced Buster: That ain't even close to all my bullshit, first of all Buster: Second of all, I told you I was calmer not calm, and you ain't helping Rio: You know what I mean still Rio: and if you don't care why should I Buster: And if I do care, is that actually gonna change anything Buster: 'Course not Rio: It isn't me saying that Buster: So what are you saying? Rio: If you cared, of course it matters Buster: I didn't say it wouldn't Buster: I told you it wouldn't change anything and it won't Rio: Who says Rio: beside you, obviously Buster: Come on Buster: Every reason we had to do what we did and not do other shit are still there Rio: There's no reason it has to be this shit Buster: I'm the reason Buster: I ain't gonna be nice to you, keep hold of your boyfriend for that Rio: You wanna be Rio: I know you're capable Buster: Don't tell me what I want Buster: Or what I'm capable of Rio: Try and tell me either is wrong Buster: I told you years ago, I don't wanna say something I can't take back Rio: Yet you do it all the time Rio: as long as it's something nasty and vile, then that's alright Buster: If it keeps you at arm's length or further then yeah, it is Rio: Alright me Rio: but you do it to everyone Rio: your parents, Nance Buster: They get what they deserve Buster: You think they're all sweetness and light to me? Rio: Of course I don't Rio: you're gonna end up alone though Rio: it needs to be sorted, all of it Buster: How I end up ain't your problem, least of all 'cause there won't be one Rio: Yes it is Rio: I'm not the one pretending I don't give a shit about anyone else in this family Buster: Well you don't have to give a shit about me, like you said, I'm barely in it Rio: You act like you aren't Rio: still are regardless Buster: I won't be as soon as my mum and dad can no longer force me Buster: Hold it together for like another year or two at most and then you don't need to see me Rio: Cool, you wanna be like Joe then Buster: I can do without the intravenous drugs, like Rio: That's not why no one ever talks about him Rio: you ain't stupid Buster: Don't talk to me as though I am then Buster: I know everything you know about Joe Rio: so why do you wanna join that club of 2 Rio: pretend you don't have a family Buster: I keep telling you, I don't follow no cunt Rio: you do keep saying that Buster: This family pretends a lot worse, start your crusade there if you're on one Rio: I try Rio: more fool me, right Buster: Yeah Buster: Cheers for saying it so I don't have to Rio: Fuck this Rio: your absence has been noted, btw Rio: stay wherever the fuck you are out of sight, like Buster: Whatever Buster: In no rush to go home regardless of your warning Rio: You're welcome Buster: I feel it, babe Rio: You know who to blame Buster: I'm not blaming anyone Buster: I'll own it Buster: Even if you don't thank me for leaving you alone Rio: Bullshit Rio: you take out how crap you feel on everyone Rio: so don't fucking own it Rio: blame yourself, actually Rio: or sort yourself out Buster: Cheers but I don't need motivating any more than you did earlier Rio: Such a waste, you Rio: I'm not giving it out to you Buster: Good, don't Buster: 'Cause what's bullshit is you thinking you have any idea what I feel like Rio: Yeah Rio: 'cos happy people act like you, Buster Buster: Most people don't feel the need to put an act on at all, babe Rio: did I say I was happy Rio: no Rio: but you're a miserable prick and it don't take fuck all to see it Buster: Did I ever say I wasn't? Rio: You said I had no idea how you feel Buster: You don't Buster: That don't mean I was putting myself at the happy end of the scale Rio: No shit Buster: What the fuck do you want from me, Rio? Buster: This ain't confession Rio: Can't you just be fucking happy Rio: is that so much to ask Buster: Yeah Buster: Especially when you're the one asking Rio: Well then Buster: Do it for me Buster: You be happy Rio: This isn't about me Buster: For me it is Buster: So much of this shit is about you Rio: Oh thanks Rio: I'm not trying to make you miserable Buster: I didn't mean it like that Buster: I don't want you to be miserable either, that's all Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Buster: You know you would be, yeah? Buster: This way it's not as bad as it could be Buster: And I'm not as bad for you as I could be Buster: End of Rio: Its just Rio: sometimes its hard to believe it could be much worse Buster: I know Buster: How's Edie? Rio: I think she's having a good day Rio: beyond that Rio: you know Buster: Yeah Rio: think she's enjoying them not being here Rio: god knows how it'll be when they're back Buster: Let me know Buster: Not that there's fuck all I can do from Chelsea or anywhere else Buster: But still Rio: There's fuck all I can do from the same house, like Rio: so don't worry Buster: 'Course I won't Buster: I only worry about myself, clearly Rio: 'Course Buster: I can't offer you a good day but if you want a good night Buster: It won't be that hard to find me Rio: ? Buster: What's your question? Rio: I have a few Buster: Fine, what are your questions? Rio: How, where and why are you breaking the rules after laying them down again Buster: Well how is easy, I'll send a cab for you Buster: But I can't predict the future, that was your game, so the where will have to wait Buster: You already know the why Rio: Alright Rio: even though the how was more how are you gonna give me a good night Rio: that's a prediction too, yeah? Buster: Come on, you only wish you didn't know who the fuck I am Rio: Wouldn't waste a wish Buster: Bring your boyfriend if you want, it'll make it even easier for me to beat the shit out of him Rio: Obviously not Buster: I'll allow it 'cause of my feelings about sharing Buster: But it ain't very nice of you Rio: If I wanted to see that, I'd come to one of your matches Buster: The invitation has been extended and been standing for years, babe Buster: It ain't my fault you never wanna cheer for me for some reason Rio: I wonder Buster: Get yourself another coffee, I'll make sure you need it Rio: 😏 Rio: Any excuse to lose the trail of kids behind me for a second Buster: I would come and distract 'em but I'm one of the notorious Irish myself now so Rio: The quickest way to get yourself recognized in here Rio: given the names already in, like Buster: This could be my last night of freedom as things already stand with how many missed calls and angry texts I've got Buster: You're gonna make it count with me, yeah? Rio: 'Course I am Rio: you know me Buster: Good Rio: arguably your lack of freedom will just be more shit like today though, you do realize Rio: so, not really any more punishment than you was getting so you may as well go all in now Buster: I'm going all in anyway Buster: For you Rio: Good Buster: It will be, I've just had the best idea Rio: but I've got to wait and see? Buster: Do you want the surprise or do you wanna help? Rio: You know how helpful I am Rio: shameless Buster: Put together a guestlist of the least cunty people you know then Buster: I have the ideal party venue Buster: And I'm gathering supplies as we speak Buster: If there's any left over wedding booze, take it Buster: I'll say it was me Rio: Alright Rio: I'm in Rio: I won't get caught, or in trouble Rio: but I don't mind taking my share if it did happen Buster: I know but I ain't letting you Buster: Tonight's about making things less shit for you not more Rio: What about you? Buster: What about me Buster: I didn't call a truce for you to question it that hard Rio: Okay, okay Rio: no more questions, deal? Buster: You not gonna ask me where it is? Buster: You'll have to tell your friends, like Rio: Go on then Buster: [sends her the deets cos my idea is that it's a house baze have bought to do up but not done yet hence it'd already lowkey be trashed] Rio: Not even gonna question how much shit you may or may not get in for this Rio: more the merrier? Buster: I said all in 'cause I meant all in Rio: I'm remembering Buster: For tonight you can trust me Rio: Cinderella rules Buster: But if you piss off at midnight I will take the piss out of you Buster: 🤴 or not Rio: Fair Rio: Not that bitch Rio: won't be wearing glass shoes either Buster: I ain't carrying your shoes about whatever they're made of 'cause I'm nobody's bitch Buster: Would be a good weapon though Rio: I don't take my shoes off mid-party either, 'scuse you Rio: gotta commit to the look and deal with the consequences, like Buster: Does it hurt though? Buster: Like actually or are some girls just dramatic Rio: Nah it does Rio: but if you don't do it now you'll be in your 20s still hobbling 'round Rio: gotta toughen up Buster: Good to know Rio: Its your skin being pinched 'til it rubs off, not fun but you know Rio: when you're as short as I am, what's the alternative Buster: Get your boyfriend to carry you Buster: If he wasn't such a pussy Rio: Around a party, all night Rio: okay Rio: not actually a princess Rio: and you need at least four footmen for that, so Buster: I could easily do it Rio: So could he Rio: but you'd both want a drink at some point 😂 Buster: He couldn't carry a dozen eggs, first of all Buster: Second of all, if you can't aim a drink into a lad's mouth while they are carrying you about, what the fuck are you playing at Rio: 😏 Rio: You're ridiculous Buster: If this girl I invited shows her face, I'll show you Rio: You might wanna ask her if she'd like to be carried around first, like Buster: She'll love it Rio: Who doesn't Buster: Exactly Rio: 🙄 Buster: Shut up Rio: I didn't say anything Buster: You don't have to Buster: I received the emoji, like Rio: What would you prefer Rio: Emoji-wise Buster: Do you really want me to answer that, babe? Rio: You can Buster: I know I can, I asked if you wanted me to Rio: Sure Rio: I'm nosy as fuck Buster: You're distracting as fuck Rio: Its been said Buster: Yeah, I just said it Rio: I think you've said it before Rio: as well Buster: It's been true before Rio: Yeah Rio: Who is this girl then Buster: I ain't telling you Buster: You could know her Rio: Well I'll see if she comes, won't I Buster: You can't warn her off when she's already through the door though Buster: She'll see me and not give a fuck about anything else Rio: Why would I do that Buster: If you know her, why wouldn't you? Buster: It's no secret you think I'm a cunt Rio: Anyone I know and like would know that Buster: Whatever Buster: It don't sound like she's coming anyway Rio: Sorry Rio: if its any consolation my boyfriend won't be there 'cos you want him to be Buster: I only want him dead, don't get it twisted Rio: I wasn't implying it was 💕 Buster: I'm not gay 'cause my twin is Buster: Sorry for his loss Rio: I'm sure he's devastated Buster: Undeniably Rio: 😏 Buster: So will she be when she hears how good our party was Rio: Duh Buster: What time do you want your cab? Rio: Earlier side Rio: just in case nan or granddad ask where I'm going Buster: Alright Buster: I'm already there sorting shit so easily done Rio: I can help Rio: I've got the leftovers Buster: Get ready and tell me when you are Rio: 👌 Buster: Not that it matters 'cause I'm stuck wearing this Rio: Don't you think you ALWAYS look good? Buster: Fuck off Buster: I obviously do but I could also obviously do better Rio: You look fine, calm down Buster: Get the word fine out of your mouth in relation to how I look Rio: 😶 Buster: So fucking rude Rio: You don't need me to tell you anything, come on Buster: Shut up then Buster: You're meant to be getting ready Rio: I can multitask Rio: and you're meant to be in truce mode Buster: A truce doesn't turn me into a pussy Rio: That isn't the same thing Rio: you can not tell me to shut up and still not be a pussy, like Buster: You can not tell me I look fine and still not like me Rio: Are you really that offended Rio: I meant it in a good way Buster: Yes Buster: I'd never tell you that you look fine Buster: Fuck fine Rio: Alright Rio: I take it back Buster: Don't bother Rio: Ugh Rio: why not Buster: 'Cause it ain't genuine in the slightest Rio: How do you know Rio: take me at my word Buster: Use better ones and I will Rio: I just tried and you cockblocked me Buster: Try harder Rio: Do you want your ego stroked or not Rio: why make me work for it Buster: There's fuck all you don't have to work for Buster: That ain't a rule I've made Rio: You're being dumb Rio: if I was asking for a compliment, sure Buster: You're being annoying Rio: Well I don't know why we're still talking about this honestly Buster: Like I said, shut up then Rio: You too Buster: Consider it done Rio: I am ready though Buster: Alright Buster: Where do you want picking up from? Rio: I'm gonna walk down to the phonebox from my house Rio: send it there Buster: Okay Rio: How many missed calls are you on? Buster: 37 Rio: Oof Rio: that's rough Buster: It's standard Buster: That trauma we both mentioned, it makes her highkey about shit like this Rio: Nah I get it Rio: have you told her you're safe or anything, like Buster: She knows I'm alive, like Buster: Not that cruel Rio: Good Rio: don't know how in I could go if I was worrying about that, like Buster: Don't worry, when you're got a dead kid the other two automatically step it up in making sure you know they ain't Rio: Makes sense Buster: Can't break all the rules in one day, it'd make tomorrow really fucking boring Rio: Again, no need or reason to argue with that Rio: although I can't promise you a good day either, obviously Buster: You could but I won't hold you to it Buster: Truce'll be over when the party is Rio: Tah for the faith though Rio: forget you said it in the AM too Buster: Forget whatever you like Rio: Is that permission? Buster: Do you need it? Rio: Just taking the piss Rio: always seems to amuse you Buster: Sure it'll amuse the cabbie too Rio: No doubt Rio: I'm a delight Buster: I don't have that much faith in you, babe Rio: Fuck off, like Buster: Definitely don't have enough faith to leave you here on your own if I did Rio: 😑 Bollocks Buster: Nah Rio: I'm a much better host than you Buster: That's the issue Buster: Too welcoming if anything Buster: If only I could trust you as far as I could carry you Rio: Don't be such a dick Rio: you don't know me like that Buster: I know you're too nice Buster: It's not much of a read though, you can calm down Rio: I know what you're saying Buster: Good, I won't need to repeat or rephrase Rio: Me either Rio: fuck off Buster: Fine, see you soon, Cavante Rio: Mhmm Buster: Don't start on the leftovers without me Rio: There's enough to go 'round or I wouldn't bother bringing it Buster: Still Rio: Don't be telling me what to do on top of everything Buster: Come on Buster: I'm asking Rio: and it's bold of you to reckon you can Rio: but don't worry, its in the boot Buster: Fortune favours that shit Rio: Lucky you Buster: Yeah Buster: 🍀🤴 Rio: When it suits Buster: Did you learn nothing at that museum? It's such an advantage how could it not always suit Rio: Not really Buster: Shame on you and obviously a shame in general Rio: 💔 Rio: can tell on me if you like Rio: earn back some brownie points Buster: Not til tomorrow Buster: I probably won't remember by then Rio: so you're a snitch now too Rio: Shame on you and obviously a shame in general Buster: Fuck off Buster: No Rio: Convincing, McKenna Buster: If I need to convince you of that, you can turn the cab around and find something else to do Rio: I've invited everyone now Buster: Don't mean I have to let you in Rio: like to see you try and stop me Rio: don't be a pussy Buster: I know you would but the door'll stop you easy enough Rio: Gonna lock your guests in Rio: very welcoming Rio: they're mostly my mates, in what world am I not getting in Rio: avoid me and I'll avoid you Buster: In what world could I not pick you up and throw you out Rio: Don't fucking touch me Buster: How are you gonna stop me? Rio: Do it and find out Buster: Behave and I won't have to embarrass you in front of your friends Rio: Who do you think you are Buster: Who do you think I am? Rio: I don't care to think about you Buster: Don't underestimate me and you won't have to Buster: I'm trying to give you a good night and you're trying to ruin it Rio: I am not Rio: if you can't say anything at least not entirely unpleasant to me, then don't feel the need to talk to me at all Buster: Likewise Rio: You started it Rio: I was defending myself Buster: Bullshit Buster: Leave your attitude at the other side of the door Rio: No it isn't Rio: you called me a slag and you've got no right or reason so just leave me alone and we'll have no issue Buster: If I had I'd have said it outright Rio: Bullshit Rio: I know what too nice means when you say it like that Rio: because just being nice, isn't an issue at all Buster: It means you're a pushover Rio: Well I ain't that either Rio: so you can still get fucked Buster: For someone who apparently don't care what I think you're really taking my words to heart Rio: I don't let anyone talk to me like that, period Buster: I don't need you permission to speak, end of Rio: Then don't speak to me or about me Rio: you don't have that permission Buster: Avoid me, like you said Buster: There's fuck all else we need to say to each other Rio: I intend to Buster: Good Rio: That, we can agree on Buster: Yeah Rio: [Time] Rio: Are you sure you've given me the right address? Buster: Not a fucking amateur Rio: What is this place Rio: it looks like a decent housing estate Buster: Fingers crossed 'cause my parents have bought it to sell Rio: Ah Rio: that makes sense Buster: Why the fuck did you think I had keys to the house? Rio: I thought it was just an empty Rio: but its too nice around here to be that easy to get in Buster: Like I'm gonna throw a party at a crime scene Rio: Why would it be a crime scene Rio: happens all the time 'round here Buster: Breaking in and trespassing are both crimes for a start Rio: 🙄 Rio: Not if the window was broken 'fore you got there Buster: I'd still be trespassing Rio: Not when its council, think on Buster: It's not Rio: I know Rio: that's why I asked Buster: Whatever just come in Rio: Hold on, this suitcase is heavy Buster: [comes to carry it cos of course he does] Rio: [tries to stop him on principle like no no] Buster: [clearly ignores her and takes it in] Rio: [just 😒 but still coming in, obvs] Buster: [has a look through and takes a bottle out he fancies because start as you mean to go on] Rio: [just looking 'round the gaff like don't mind me] Buster: [letting her cos then he can sneak looks at her cos let's assume she looks 🔥] Rio: [always does but has clearly gone all out with the 'fit 'cos the mood] Buster: [he would've too if he could've, god bless these extra kids] Rio: [couldn't really bring you anything soz boy] Buster: [I'm sure he still looks good cos likewise always does] Rio: [nods like 'not bad' also like quite soon she moves in with Indie and Drew I think so rip] Buster: [when you're trying to check her face cos those injuries but not make it obvious cos you ain't drunk yet] Rio: [we'll pretend not to notice] Buster: [just fucking off upstairs to do something party prep related cos he's looked at her too long] Rio: [should we let people show soon or make them suffer the awks] Buster: [I say let them suffer cos peeps don't usually show til later haha] Rio: [that's what I was thinking] Buster: [great evil minds] Rio: [just be in the kitchen getting shiz out] Buster: You need any help? Rio: Thanks, I was just gonna look in the garage and shed, see if there's any chairs or shit left Rio: can make sure I don't get murdered and help me carry if there is Buster: There's fuck all in the shed unless you wanna sit on a bike all night Buster: But yeah let's check the garage Rio: As likely as me being carried about, I reckon Rio: sounds good Buster: [Appears like oh hey] Rio: [just like come on then] Buster: [have fun in the creepy garage lads] Rio: ['whoever lived here last had loads of shit' it should be packed 'cos garges always are] Buster: [just looking through it for shit that's actually useful cos probably so much that isn't lol] Rio: [try not to trip in your heels babe] Buster: [he would catch you though] Rio: ['can use some of these boxes as tables, at least'] Buster: [takes them through before she can and is straight back] Rio: ['you thought of a career in removals, like?'] Buster: [gives her a look like fuck off cos so offended that's so beneath him] Rio: [🙄 and goes back to rummaging] Buster: [does find some chairs cos why not and is trying to wipe the dust off them without getting covered] Rio: [takes a stack when he's done] Buster: [also grabs a folding up little table cos again why not if they've left loads of shit] Rio: [just looking around like what else do we need to 'cos otherwise what are you gonna do lads] Buster: [looking at like an old tool bench or whatever cos they could put stuff on that but it'll probably be heavy so looking at her like do you want this or no before I make the attempt] Rio: [shakes head like no 'if we need it, you can always get some of the lads to help you later, I'm not getting oil and crap all over me, like'] Buster: [when that gets you thinking about who she's invited so you ain't happy even though you know her boyfriend ain't coming] Rio: [as if she would just invite girls lol oh boy] Buster: [he is so silly and so obvious, good day] Rio: [Ryan should come for that throw forward] Buster: [yaaaas] Rio: [least you can be on your phone giving people deets 'cos nowhere to look but at each other rn] Buster: ['which one of your friends is sorting the music?' cos if it's just speakers and a phone you need less room than like decks so he wants to know how for the layout not just being a judgey prick] Rio: ['Leesha's brother has a proper setup, he's gonna bring it, she's not far away'] Buster: [nodding and going back to drinking whatever he is because the levels of awks] Rio: [just looking at him 'what did you invite me for?'] Buster: ['I already told you' maintain that eye contact always] Rio: [a LOOK] Buster: [you've gotta have one back forever] Rio: ['truce, yeah?'] Buster: ['Yeah' passes her the bottle he's drinking from to make the point] Rio: [takes a swig, still not breaking that eye contact] Buster: [takes it back and takes his own swig also not breaking it] Rio: [smiles at him for probably first time in forever] Buster: [smiling back because can't not] Rio: [better have people showing to interrupt for now] Buster: [get the dj lad in so he can leave her to sort that] Rio: [chat to your friend that came with] Buster: [we can always skip to later when they are drunker and more people are here if you want] Rio: [why not, we know the drill] Buster: [I'm gonna say that girl did show so he's been focused on that since lbr he don't really have that many friends in Dublin cos he hasn't been back much etc] Rio: [Fair] Rio: idk where you are but the downstairs loos lowkey been trashed Rio: might need turn the water off, i think? Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: [Does come and do that cos he could've been upstairs easily enough] Rio: Its a party Rio: [is obvs not just there when he comes down but in the kitchen or some shit] Buster: Cheers for the reminder, like Buster: [let's say he comes back through the kitchen then so they have to cross paths haha] Rio: [shrugs like yeah people are dicks especially drunk people but what you gonna do] Rio: aren't you enjoying yourself then Buster: [reads it and shrugs back 'tonight's not about me, remember'] Rio: [mouths 'still'] Buster: [gets another drink which could mean either yeah cos there are still drinks left or nah and I need this, there's no way to know] Rio: at least it was an ugly bathroom? Rio: be replaced anyway, yeah Rio: [going through to the lounge to dance] Buster: 'Course Buster: Like I said, ideal venue Rio: [reads it and does a thumbs up] Buster: [comes through to dance with this unnamed girl who has come downstairs and found him again] Rio: [god knows who you are tbh] Buster: [generic 13 year old irish white girl ftw thank god he's a good dancer cos the odds that she is are not good] Rio: [just getting her off the dance floor real quick] Buster: [don't embarrass him in front of his cousin/ love of his life and all her friends thank you] Rio: [bless lol] Buster: [she should so leave early like he said he'd take the piss out of Rio for doing though cos then what's he gonna do with himself] Rio: [be bored and drunk, a deadly combo] Buster: [exactly dr phil] Rio: [should go off to the non-broken bathroom with a group of peeps inc. Ryan] Rio: d'ya want some coke Buster: Obviously Rio: Come upstairs then Buster: [does and soz about everyone else he only has 👀 for Rio] Rio: [likewise that twat who's probably mad all these other hoes are here 'cos clearly just wanna ply her with drugs casually but gotta keep it casual for now boy and pretend you're nice] Buster: [thank fuck I said he'd done coke before because I'd die if he made a fool of himself in front of Ryan] Rio: [I like to think she ain't but is 'cos he has, I won't let you fuck it up too hard babe, watch the others, like] Buster: [I like to think he knows she hasn't cos of her reaction when he said he has so he goes first so she can watch him] Rio: [in my head her boyf is less about this life so she's not unlike when Ryan etc so yeah] Buster: [that's legit af cos we all know she does things to please peeps especially at this age etc so] Rio: [exactly dr phil] Buster: [he's just gonna be keeping an eye on her subtly cos don't know how it's gonna hit if you ain't done it before and also Ryan is a dickhead and none of us trust him ever] Rio: [least it lasts for like no time so you gon be fine babe, also yeah let's all get out of this bathroom and away from him tah for your drugs] Buster: [Buster just chatting to one of her female friends who was also there but 👀s on Rio like making sure she's alright] Rio: [why not wander outside 'cos hot] Buster: [definitely gonna follow her even though he's got no excuse] Rio: [just looking up fully expecting anyone else so like 'oh, hiya'] Buster: ['hey' but said so it means are you okay] Rio: [little lol 'tah for making sure I don't die for my ma and that, like' but smiles like, I'm good] Buster: ['it ain't only for her' cos remember neither of them are allowed to die they said] Rio: [obvs remembers that too so just a sad kinda 'yeah' Buster: [turning to go cos she's alright and he don't wanna bring her down that ain't the mood] Rio: ['you off then?] Buster: ['Out of the garden anyway' turns back to look at her again 'coming?'] Rio: ['I dunno, am I invited?' but grins and gets up to come] Buster: [pulls her along but gently not rudely like come on, again no excuse for that have you] Rio: ['Come dance with me or I'm gonna talk and talk to you, like' up in his ear] Buster: [when you're really into her being that close to you but you have to hide it by looking down at her heels like 'trying to keep you alive, remember' and 😏] Rio: [a face like pfft 'I'm not taking them off, remember, come on'] Buster: [does come on because we all know he's wanted to dance with her since forever] Rio: [we all know it's gonna be such a moment but we can pretend its the drugs so fuck it go all out Buster: [literally though because even without their shameless chemistry they're both such good dancers but add that and the drugs and the fact they've never done this with each other and every pent up emotion bye] Rio: [fully gonna have to have a 'big tune comes on so everyone jumps in and they get split up' or else, like] Buster: [true that even though he'll be FUMING and probably have to fight someone now how lads do but we can blame the coke for that too at least] Rio: [we can let 'em have it 'til the last second though 'cos rude like that] Buster: [simply must so it's torturous when they have to stop] Rio: [just gonna go to that hoarders garage whilst he's fighting this lad so 1. you don't see/can't intervene 2. you can be alone and frustrated yourself 'cos who else would be in there, like] Buster: [enough time to have gone by that he's won a fight] Buster: Talk to me then Rio: Yeah? Rio: I see why you needed another line, like Buster: Has your friend got any more? Rio: Unless he's gone through it all Rio: such a fiend Rio: I'll find him Buster: Alright Rio: Where are you anyway Buster: Some cunt got the door stuck on the master bedroom and can't get out Buster: I'm gonna break it down, like Rio: embarrassing Rio: at least they'll have time to get clothed and you aren't a dad Buster: Yeah Buster: Where are you? Rio: on the move now Rio: figure best bets are side of the dancefloor for max perving potential Rio: or out front with their cars doing whatever lads do with cars Rio: looking at 'em Rio: shag 'em, like 🙄 Buster: Careful, that was actually funny Rio: I am funny Rio: you wouldn't know Buster: Well, I wasn't planning to laugh the door off its hinges so behave for a sec Rio: 😏 Rio: just use your brute strength, got it Buster: You don't need much but probably should make sure the cunt in question don't have his nose pressed against the side I ain't on Buster: Or something else Rio: Or someone else Rio: well considerate, you Buster: Exactly Buster: And yeah, but you wouldn't know Rio: 'cos you hate me now Buster: Hilarious Buster: You gonna keep the jokes going for the rest of the night or just til you find your friend? Rio: Hates a strong word Rio: but if I find him I can definitely keep it coming, like Rio: ha what if its him Rio: in the bedroom Buster: Don't do it all without me Buster: Unless he's in there doing some shit to himself with the old tools in the shed, unlikely Rio: Awh, so mean Rio: its probably Dan though, s'always Dan Buster: As long as it wasn't him I beat up Buster: Maybe Rio: what you do that for Buster: I don't know if it was him or not Rio: Yeah but I mean Rio: you know what I mean Buster: Whoever the fuck it was got in my way Rio: excuse me usually works alright for me Buster: 'Cause you're beautiful, everything and anything works for you Rio: you are too Buster: Not to him and it was mutual so Rio: I guess Buster: He was fucking off to the garden to lick his wounds if you wanna see which of your friends it is Rio: How many people do you want me looking for Rio: honestly Buster: You told me you could multitask Rio: I'm already talking and walking Buster: Poor baby Buster: I bet your shoes are killing you by now Rio: They are, actually Rio: sarcasm detected but ignored Buster: I'll find you and carry you, hold on Rio: Now who's got jokes 😏 Buster: This is serious Buster: Do I get any clues as to your location or no? Rio: It's more fun if you come find me Rio: hide and seek Buster: You've got a point Buster: And you're on Rio: Count to ten Buster: [voice memo of the count because how else will she know] Rio: [sends one back and she's just chuckling like nothing else of real importance there babe] Buster: [so cute though] Rio: [honestly where are you gonna hide, like] Buster: [is she gonna be in the hoarders garage again or somewhere else? tbf the trashed bathroom would be a good place cos he wouldn't think to look there until he's checked everywhere else] Rio: [also risky 'cos who else would be in a unusable bathroom so doing it] Buster: [casually looking all round the house but it's not that big so] Rio: you're slow Buster: Your attempts to distract me ain't gonna work Buster: I'm getting us drinks so you can pour mine into my mouth for the full visual, obviously Rio: Hmm Rio: I might be asleep by then Rio: not a clue, although I am straight chilling Buster: Fine, if you don't want yours, I'll give it to your pretty mate Rio: 😠 Rio: play the game Buster: Just 'cause you can't distract me don't mean she couldn't Buster: It ain't my fault she's playing a different game Rio: ugh Rio: shut up Buster: Make me Rio: Can't Rio: you already said Buster: [appears and is giving her a look like okay now make me which isn't dangerous at all] Rio: [just taking her drink and downing it like it's mine as are you bye] Buster: [just watching her do it shamelessly] Rio: ['how do we know who's won?' like do u mean hide and seek or what, we'll never know but all the eye contact rn Buster: [just brushing her lips with his fingers so suggestively like okay boy 1. she does not need you to wipe her mouth thank you and 2. have the decency to not be maintaining that eye contact if you're gonna be so blatant 'sure we can figure it out somehow'] Rio: [just tracing where his fingers were with her own with the vague excuse of wiping him away if she needs it but barely thinking about any of that nonsense right now 'Well, can you walk and think, McKenna?' 'cos not forgot you're meant to be carrying her rn] Buster: [downs his drink so they don't have to worry about carrying it and picks her up effortlessly cos she's smol and he's strong as if that answers that but we know he can't think coherently any time they are that close/ have physical contact] Rio: [such a bad idea all 'round but 0 regrets] Buster: [the fact everybody's gonna see that he's carrying her around this party while they look for Ryan and drugs] Rio: [don't mind them lmao, so blatant for forever, it's not like a platonic piggyback moment and we can all see it] Buster: [Ryan is gonna be so angered] Rio: [not gonna be in a sharing mood] Buster: [if they even find him cos distracted af] Rio: [truly like how are you hiding you're dying when you're that close, you just ain't] Buster: [it's like jj fake dating all over again cos yeah think it through kids] Rio: [but its so real, can't just not when you've got opportunity and excuse] Buster: [literally cos this is the first time they've been together with no fam also around so I don't blame them remotely and they ain't thinking about tomorrow rn even if I am] Rio: [like fr how freeing 'cos there's no chance of being caught unlike always] Buster: [exactly that cos even if any of her friends were aware they're all wasted and doing their own thing too so] Rio: [and what you gonna do, tell her mum, i think not ladies] Buster: [haha that'd be more awks for her friends than the incest they are accusing her of cos don't be a snitch like] Rio: [exactly dr phil, someone, Ryan, ahem, telling her boyfriend she was all over another boy though, possible] Buster: [oooh he would the snek] Rio: [always been snekky and clearly a shit friend already so] Buster: [I'm here for the relationship drama though cos things are already rocky with her and her mans anyway] Rio: [we all know it ain't gonna last much longer, may as well happen now] Buster: [mhmmm cos we all know Ryan would lay it on really thick even if he hadn't been lurking all night and seen them dancing earlier and everything] Rio: [not like he's opposed to outright lying so if he says they banged then her mans will be mad 'cos they ain't so that'll be it over] Buster: [yeah cos fuck you anyway tbh boy you're not a good egg] Rio: [also live for you losing your v to him even though its just a rumour not a trumour Buster: [I wish you could guys but we are evil] Rio: [things have gotta happen lads] Buster: [literally gonna be pondering what we can get away with happening rn as I fall asleep] Rio: [dream on, 'cos obvs things do happen over the years before they full get it together, that much is known so you know] Buster: [I didn't have any dreams cos they were all stressy but they should 'look' for him in places he ain't likely to be but there are likely to be less people around cos blatant] Rio: [I'm with that] Buster: [risky but that's the mood tonight so] Rio: [and lowkey always 'cos can't be tamed, clearly, just adjusting yourself by holding on 'round his neck 'are you tired yet?'] Buster: [looking at her like do I look tired but we all know you just wanna do all the eye contact always] Rio: [😏 'cos you clearly do not wanna be put down either] Buster: [😏 too and in her ear being flirty af and letting your lips brush against her skin like your fingertips did earlier cos why just talk even though she'd hear you fine and you'd have to inconvenience yourself bending and shit like when you can be extra 'So are you having a good night?' Rio: [when you'd just shiver on contact and there's no hiding that so you don't, just nodding 'not bad' 'cos who doesn't love a challenge as if this hasn't gone far enough children] Buster: [carrying on looking for Ryan despite knowing that's not what she meant cos not gonna make it that easy to get what she actually wants obvs] Rio: ['he wouldn't have gone home without saying bye to me' 'cos ain't that the tea] Buster: [laughs like yeah true cos we all know it's the tea] Rio: [oh Ryan] Buster: [takes her to get a drink cos they ain't getting any drugs at this rate] Rio: [gives him his like he said which is akin to sexy crepes] Buster: [no hiding that you're into it] Rio: [in his ear back 'you should drink with me more'] Buster: ['you just wanna be carried around more' and like does a spin or something fun to make the point] Rio: [loling, loving life 'maybe' also cue Ryan spotting y'all instead of you finding him] Buster: ['Definitely' and more silliness until Ryan's ⛈ appears] Rio: [least he won't be obvious that he's gonna snitch 'cos snekky so your night won't be ruined 'til tomorrow but he's still salty enough I doubt he's giving you coke] Buster: [Buster should offer to pay him cos answer to everything so then she can get his wallet out of his pocket cos he's still holding her and can't and obvs no other reason lol] Rio: [we all 👀 you, now debating if he should let 'em or be like nah 'cos pros either way, if he does then he can tell her mans they were getting crunk in all the ways he don't like but if he doesn't its like can't buy everything, Buster] Buster: [I think he should do the whole I don't want your money but give it her anyway cos 1. what you said about her mans and 2. he looks like he's such a good friend for reconsidering etc] Rio: [Solid, let us run with it and you can now leave boy, your purpose has been served] Buster: [go back to the non functional bathroom so you don't have to share with anyone upstairs] Rio: [none for yous bye] Buster: [he should sit on whatever to do the lines but not putting her down so she's sitting on his lap for this so casually] Rio: [nbd that's just chill] Buster: [absolutely the most non event ever] Rio: [you shouldn't like, get up, nah, not at all babe] Buster: [god bless] Rio: [just looking at his eyes like to see how fucked he is but what else are you gonna do rn] Buster: [meanwhile he's looking at her mouth cos wants to kiss her always and forever] Rio: ['you're fucked' but with feeling, good to get the excuse out there] Buster: ['Yeah' but quietly like how he said her name when he was about to kiss her those other times] Rio: ['me too' still not looking away] Buster: [staring back at her like I know] Rio: ['it's weird, isn't it' looking away like she's looking around, shaking her head 'I mean, no one is gonna wake up and stop us now'] Buster: [touching her face so she'll look at him but the way he would've after he headbutted her that time and she got hurt like it's a flashback moment 'Do you want to be stopped?'] Rio: [shakes her head, but slower, so her head ends up resting on his hand, 'You never want to be stopped, like'] Buster: ['I'm not asking myself the question, I know what I want'] Rio: ['What do you want?'] Buster: ['What do you want, it's your party'] Rio: ['That you made for me'] Buster: ['Like you said, it ain't bad, but that's not good enough, so like I said, what do you want?'] Rio: ['Do I have to say it?'] Buster: ['Tell me' cos that doesn't mean she has to use her words it just means he needs to know] Rio: ['You know, Buster, you've always known' and no way to stop you going in for this kiss now] Buster: [letting it happen cos that's their first kiss really, the awkward kid one playing dares wasn't anything like what they wanted it to be for many reasons] Rio: [no one is rushing to claim that even though its so cute god bless, let 'em have this moment so they know its 🔥] Buster: [just gonna make out til your lips are bruised the next day cos that won't be awkward] Rio: [let's hope you've not got some forced family fun to attend lmao, at least someone who doesn't know the toilet is bust/or does not care can interrupt before we go all out here] Buster: [her boyfriend gonna be raging imagine and yeah parties are full of easy interruptions] Rio: [though they might need a like 'the cops/baze are coming' kinda interruption here 'cos we know there's no stopping now you know] Buster: [true the police could shut this down cos then he'll be in even more trouble and there's less chance of them crossing paths these hols] Rio: [yeah that's big trouble, like actual consequences vibe, everyone scatter then] Buster: [baze could even send him home with one of them if we wanted/needed so] Rio: [or all go home in disgrace] Buster: [yeah soz Nance] Rio: [ruin the hol, also leave mcvickers without as much help, all 'round gonna get you on the shit list, wanna skip to tomorrow?] Buster: [oh boy you've really fucked up here and yeah we can skip] Rio: hear you're going home Buster: You heard right for once Rio: how long you in the shit for Rio: forever, like? Buster: Until I do something worse Buster: Or redeem myself by winning something, like Rio: Won't take you long once school starts back up then Rio: somehow nan believed I was somewhere else so Rio: 'trouble' looks like the usual, tied to the kids as per Buster: I told you, they all see what they wanna see 👸 Rio: Sure they'd be more suspicious if the gaff was my parents and the keys were missing Buster: Probably Rio: Or if we didn't hate each other, obvs Buster: Well yeah Rio: I'll invite Nance back next hols Rio: make it up to her Buster: I'd tell her but she ain't speaking or listening to me Buster: If only my parents would shut up as well I wouldn't have a headache Rio: There was only a few days left anyway, she'd be dreading going back regardless Rio: I feel like shit and all, the painkillers ain't touching it Buster: Careful, it almost sounds like you're on my side Buster: [tells her some weird remedy that he's created that he would swear by and probably does actually work cos he's smart like that but I'm not trying to think of rn cos I'm not] Rio: It was my party so Rio: but don't get your parents to patch me into the telling off, I can use my imagination Rio: gotta dedicate all my brain power to the cure rn anyway Buster: Work out too if you can lose your shadow for long enough Rio: Let's not get carried away Buster: Come on, that's bare minimum Buster: You mentioned dedication a second ago Rio: You also don't need to take over for 'em and lecture me Rio: Running 'round after this lot is so much cardio tah 💪 Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: 🙄😏 Rio: did you get caught then Buster: You don't need me to answer that for you Rio: but is that a lowkey humblebrag or a duh, I'm in trouble now, bitch 🤔 Buster: Either/Or Rio: how are your feet Buster: I wasn't wearing heels in case your memory's unreliable Rio: Shame Rio: I meant 'cos of the running we had to do though Buster: I know what you meant Buster: I'm fine Rio: Good Buster: Are you? Rio: I did take my shoes off for that Rio: not gonna let your efforts be for naught, like Rio: very rude Buster: Good Rio: though my house has never felt further Rio: which is saying something Buster: Where's that pumpkin carriage when you want it, yeah? Rio: tbh Rio: maybe my tiara has slipped Rio: 💔 Buster: Impossible Rio: Appreciate the faith Buster: And more realistically all the hair you've got to keep that tiara in place, I'm sure Rio: That actually makes it harder, I'll have you know Rio: how dare you doubt how hard this princess business is Buster: Really? Rio: Have you seen all my hair Rio: its out of control Buster: Yeah so like trap the tiara in, no? Rio: You're such a boy 😂 Buster: Cheers Rio: it wasn't a compliment but its pretty cute Buster: It's a compliment if I take it as one and I am Rio: Have at it Rio: you probably need it Buster: What's that meant to mean? Rio: That you're in everyone's bad book rn Rio: what else Buster: I don't need your pity or their pats on the head Rio: it ain't pity, and you've taken it now Buster: Fuck that Rio: Fine, don't take the compliment Buster: I don't want it Rio: Okay Rio: I'll survive Buster: No doubt Rio: 👌 Buster: We done? Rio: Sure Rio: good luck then Buster: What's luck got to do with anything? Rio: Don't hurt, does it Rio: didn't you learn anything from the museum Buster: I'm already not hurting Buster: And nah, you know I didn't Rio: Your headache gone then Rio: good stuff Buster: There's fuck all you can say or do regardless Buster: Keep your luck for yourself Rio: Suit yourself Buster: I always do Rio: want a round of applause Rio: I'm fresh out Buster: Like you said, I won't have to wait long to get one Rio: Cute Buster: You already said that too Rio: Remains Rio: you can go now Buster: Yeah I could Rio: You wanna Buster: 'Course, I love giving my parents bullshit my full attention Rio: 😇 son, like Buster: If you were any kind of angel you'd get me out of here Rio: You en-route or in your Dublin prison cell still Buster: 🍀 Rio: Never felt less true, yeah Rio: I don't reckon you're getting past your jailers, or I am Rio: divine intervention pending Buster: You'll just have to distract me then Rio: So we're not done here now? Buster: I only asked if we were, my word ain't yet law, babe Rio: That's not what being a lawyer is Rio: hate to burst your bubble 😏 Buster: I know and I've mourned, like Buster: Don't worry about it Rio: Poor baby Buster: I'm neither, hate to burst yours Rio: Well however will I cope Buster: What can I say? You'll just have to Rio: Cold Buster: I did tell you to get me out of the same room as my mum Rio: Ouch Rio: consider myself 🍀 to get off so lightly then Buster: Yeah Rio: Oh, hold up Rio: [the boyfriend drama] Buster: [when you care but you can't say anything because you have to act like you don't so you're just waiting in silence] Rio: I am usually better at distracting Rio: for the record Rio: had to take a call Buster: It's fine I've got packing to do that for me now Rio: I know Rio: don't want my good name being dragged through the mud any more though so Buster: Any more than what? Rio: Oh Rio: people talk too much Rio: someone from the party told Harry on me so we just had a lovely chat, like Buster: You should've let me kill him when I first suggested it Buster: Problem solved Rio: The problem of being reckoning they know shit when they don't Rio: only half of what I've been accused of is even true, that's what fucks me off Buster: If he's believing someone else over you he's a stupid cunt Buster: End of Rio: Wouldn't you Rio: if your girlfriend was seen doing lines and 'all over' some other lad Buster: It wouldn't happen to me 'cause I don't have girlfriends Buster: What does he do when he goes to parties, recite bible verses? Rio: If you had one though, you wouldn't be happy Buster: If I had one she wouldn't give a fuck about other lads Buster: We aren't talking about me Rio: No, we aren't Rio: I'm just saying I get his logic Rio: not the person, people, whatever who felt the need to rat on me Buster: Nobody saw fuck all so whatever they said to him was bullshit Buster: Meaning he ain't basing anything in logic Rio: Doesn't matter now 'cos I've been dumped regardless Buster: I told you to get in there first Rio: I didn't want to Rio: or I wasn't ready Buster: I also told you that you can do better Buster: You will when you want to Buster: It's his loss Rio: I'd love to know who you'd suggest instead, like Rio: Christ Buster: I'l write you a list when I've got time to kill on the plane Rio: Tah Rio: very generous of you Buster: I am Buster: Not that you'd know Rio: Now you've told me I do Buster: The party and your feet not touching the ground for ages wasn't enough for you? Rio: You're the one that said I didn't know Rio: who am I to disagree Buster: It doesn't normally stop you Buster: In fact, you're usually happy to disagree for the sake of Rio: Hardly at the top of my game right now Rio: did just get dumped over the phone, if you missed it Buster: Fuck that, who the fuck's he to count for anything Buster: Can't even end things face to face Rio: That's indefensibly and undeniably shitty Rio: even if I am a coke whore, come say it to my face, like Buster: You tried it and you liked it, that's not a crime Buster: It's a party, having fun is what people do Buster: Except pussies like him apparently Rio: We hadn't slept together Rio: that's why Rio: with what he's been told, said it was obvious I didn't actually like him, you know Buster: He's put in all those nonce hours for what he considers to be nothing, he's gonna be well mad Rio: Shut up Buster: Would you have fucked him if he'd hung in there? Rio: He was my boyfriend Buster: That's a cop out answer Buster: But assuming you mean yeah, the snitch has done you a favour Buster: And if you weren't going to, he'd have dumped you anyway 'cause he's that cunt Rio: It's not Rio: Weren't planning to see if I could make him wait 'til marriage for the craic, like Rio: Whatever, got to own it now Buster: It is 'cause you don't owe him that for the boyfriend label Buster: You either wanna or you don't Rio: No, I know that Rio: but that is what boyfriends are for Buster: Then you did like him and he's full of shit, bringing us back to my original point that he's a fool for believing rumours over you Rio: I did but Rio: its complicated Rio: maybe I didn't like him that much Rio: I didn't wanna do it then wish I hadn't Buster: If you're second guessing it, don't do it Buster: That's a way to keep things uncomplicated Rio: Well I won't now obviously Rio: why do you think I'm out Rio: he'd get over it all if I would Buster: I don't just mean with him Rio: Are you trying to save me, McKenna? 🙏 Buster: You don't need saving Buster: Not that kind of 👸 remember? Rio: I ain't scared or nothing Buster: What have you got to be scared of? Rio: Exactly Rio: I'm not frigid Buster: I don't reckon that'll be the lie he's spreading, babe Rio: No Rio: its not really lies though Buster: That depends what he's saying Rio: He's not like that Rio: not that it matters 'cos whoever told him is Rio: but I don't care about that Buster: You can find out who it was though, yeah? Rio: I'm asking Rio: the friends I can trust Buster: Good Buster: When you know, tell me Rio: Why Buster: You know why Rio: What if it was a girl Rio: you can't beat her up then Buster: If it was, I obviously won't Rio: I've legit got no idea rn though Rio: I must've been way more out of it that I thought Buster: Your friend did give us a fair amount of coke Buster: And there was more wedding leftovers than I reckoned there would be Rio: Gotta over-cater always Rio: especially with booze Rio: how this family do Buster: But with this fam there ain't usually no such thing Rio: just that 🍀 obvs Buster: 'Course Rio: Its gonna be so boring taking all the kids out now Rio: without you two Buster: Lucky for you they never take my phone as punishment Rio: you really thought they woulda Rio: still want a quiet-ish life, I guess Buster: All that bullshit you said about keeping me as a contact for emergencies ain't in this instance Buster: Don't want me to die, do they? Rio: I doubt they're that pissed off, no 😏 Buster: There's still time Rio: that your goal now? Buster: Hardly a goal when it's that easy Rio: Aim high, boy Buster: I always do Buster: But cheers for the encouragement Rio: I'm very supportive Buster: I bet your ex is really missing you already Rio: You're clearly taking the piss but 'course he is Buster: You could just get back with him Rio: I could Buster: I know that's why I said it Rio: I already said why I don't want to though Buster: Alright Rio: Why are you mad, you think he's a perv Buster: I ain't Rio: Okay Buster: There was no point to the party if everything's shit for you again the next day Buster: That's why I'm wound up about it Rio: There was a point Rio: you can't help that everthings a bit shit right now Rio: I'm not even that upset about him, it was coming, like Buster: I don't do powerlessness Buster: There's always something I can do Rio: If you can think of a way to make Edie happy, you're welcome to Rio: you've done loads Rio: it was a good party Buster: I know it's been years but do you remember any of the 🥊 I taught you? Rio: Yeah Rio: the basics Rio: why? Buster: Teach her Buster: It won't make her happy but it's somewhere to put her anger Rio: It's a good idea Rio: I will Buster: How many times do I have to tell you all my ideas are Rio: You've had a decent streak lately Buster: Fuck off Buster: If you're waiting for me to break it that ain't gonna happen Rio: Why would I want that? Buster: Oh right, you're supportive, I forgot Rio: How many times do I have to tell you, like Buster: Only the one Buster: I'm a good listener, very attentive Buster: Not that you'd know Rio: Don't rub it in Rio: that's just mean Buster: Not rubbing anything, like Buster: Gotta finish my packing Rio: 😂 Buster: Sorry to ruin the fantasy Rio: Yeah that's where my head is Rio: not busy myself, like Buster: You're not that busy Buster: And I don't just say I'm good distraction and then answer my phone, I actually am Rio: How rude Rio: You have to be nice to me, I'm so 💔 rn Buster: 'Cause I'm going home, I know Buster: Me too Rio: Yeah right Rio: you're buzzin Buster: I was counting on your wild siblings to take the heat off me so hardly Buster: They're gonna be on high alert now Rio: Still Rio: you wanted to go home 'fore you'd even left Rio: so swings and roundabouts Buster: Yeah right Rio: you can deny it Rio: I won't tell no one Buster: Why would I? Rio: You could sound more sure then Buster: Again, why Buster: I don't have anything to prove to you Rio: Why lie either way Rio: no reason to not be real Buster: I don't lie Rio: Yeah Buster: I can not wanna be here and not be excited to go back as well Rio: 'Course Buster: Real enough for you? Rio: Yeah Rio: its just conversation Rio: like I said, no reason not to Buster: 'Course there are reasons Buster: But I don't give a shit about 'em Rio: Yeah, reason being if you can't face facts Rio: lots of people can't Buster: I know Rio: but that ain't you Buster: Or you Rio: Nope Rio: can ask me anything Buster: Truth ain't as good as dares, but good to know Rio: Obviously Rio: you ain't in enough trouble for your liking, McKenna Buster: It's not the right kind of trouble for my liking, babe Rio: What you gonna do about it then Buster: According to you there's nothing I can do Buster: I'm not getting out and you're not getting in Buster: Tell me when you're done underestimating me and I'll think of something Rio: You said high alert Rio: I can't say I'm coming to see your sister then ignore her Buster: Don't ignore her then Buster: But don't ignore me either Rio: I don't wanna use her Rio: but I do wanna come say bye in person Buster: You ain't using her if you say bye to her too Rio: Okay Rio: I'll see if your 'rents let me in then or shut the door in my face Buster: Nance will let you in Buster: Even though she's in a really bad mood Rio: I can imagine Rio: guess it ain't worth the few extra days to have her fly back alone though Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: Obvs Rio: have you spoken to her like at all since you came here? Buster: You told me to leave her alone Rio: I know Rio: I was asking though Buster: Well the answer's no Rio: That's gonna be rough Rio: probably leave it 'til she's calm-er Buster: It's not like we have anything to say to each other anyway Rio: She might disagree Buster: Yeah but she's unlikely to voice it right now so Rio: Problem for another day Rio: I feel ya Buster: Nah, her problem Rio: Okay Buster: I didn't do any of it to fuck up her holiday Buster: She needs to get over herself Rio: Yeah but it still did, from her perspective Buster: If she can't convince 'em to let her stay, that's her problem too Rio: Yeah Rio: not disagreeing Buster: You don't have to be nice to me, I ain't heartbroken Rio: I'm not being nice Rio: it literally is her problem Rio: what do you want me to say, like Buster: Like I said, shit like that doesn't normally stop you Rio: Funny Rio: There ain't no point Rio: I've said what I need to say about the whole thing already Buster: Alright Rio: Yeah? Rio: You can say what you want Buster: I already did too Rio: Good Rio: we all know where we stand then Buster: Yeah Rio: Do you like school then Buster: Like ain't the word Buster: No cunts like school Rio: Why not Rio: if you're smart and you got mates Buster: It's easy that don't mean it's good Rio: I hate it Buster: 'Course you do Buster: It's boring Rio: There's just so much of it that has no point Rio: if we didn't have to do that, it'd be alright Buster: Not disagreeing Rio: and teachers weren't failures on a power trip Rio: that too Buster: 😂 Rio: It's true Rio: its the job you get when you realise you've got a pointless degree and no other prospects Buster: Not the career you want then? Rio: Ha Rio: no thanks Buster: The hypothetical kids you won't teach now are gonna be gutted Rio: I know Rio: so hot for teacher Rio: but I don't plan to spend my entire life babysitting, soz Buster: Good Rio: Glad you approve Buster: Much as it obviously pains me, like Rio: 😏 Rio: You'll get over it Buster: Did my cure work or have you still got a headache to get over? Rio: I do feel alright now actually Rio: where'd you find that Buster: I'd say trial and error but I don't make mistakes Rio: Still think that? Buster: Show me one Rio: nah Buster: Exactly Rio: maybe I just don't wanna Buster: Maybe you can't Rio: shh Buster: You can say it Rio: what, shut up? Buster: No, if you think the party was Rio: It's if you do Buster: I told you, I don't make mistakes Rio: Good Buster: It was Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Buster: As long as you had a good night that's all that matters Rio: I did Rio: just shame it got cut short Buster: Yeah Buster: Not the ending I wanted Rio: Next time Buster: You gonna throw a party for me? Rio: I owe you now Rio: you will actually have to come back though, can't virtually attend Buster: You could come to London Rio: True Rio: better for your guestlist Buster: It'd be easy enough to get Nance to invite you over Rio: I don't reckon she'd wanna come to the party though Rio: call it a hunch Buster: She's not invited Rio: You're rude Buster: Call it a private party if it makes you feel better Buster: Nobody else is invited Rio: just us? Buster: We've got a hot tub here as well Buster: And I've got more cocktail making skills now Rio: That's still one of the best things anyone's ever done for me Buster: Until I do it even better Rio: when Rio: when can I come, I mean Buster: Probably let my mum and dad calm down Buster: But as discussed, it won't take long once school starts Buster: And Nance'll be happy to have you here once it does Rio: Okay Rio: that's not too long Buster: You are coming to say goodbye, right? Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm on my way Rio: it'll take me a while, couldn't really ask nan to load everyone up, like so I'm on the bus Buster: Okay Buster: It seems like a ball ache but nan wanting to stay for coffee would be worse Rio: She's not invited either Rio: no offense Buster: I'm sure she's pissed off at me as well Buster: Usually is Rio: You won't notice the difference Buster: I won't notice fuck all else when you're here Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'll miss you Rio: I have Buster: I know Rio: I know Buster: I'm sorry that you're gonna miss me more Buster: Not sorry enough that I'm not still gonna make you Rio: I can handle it Buster: We'll see Rio: You will Buster: Careful, if that's a promise, you have to keep it Rio: I intend to Buster: You also intend not to ignore my sister, so you said Rio: How long have I got, roughly Buster: That's more dependent on her than it is me Buster: I'd give you as long as you want Rio: You're generous, I remember Buster: I'm not gonna let you forget Rio: I wish I could just see you Buster: I can sneak out but that might give us less time Rio: You should stay put Rio: I just know there's only so much time I can be in the bathroom or whatever before its suspect Rio: everyone knows a goodbye between us should take literally 2 seconds so, I'm trying to think of a way Buster: I'll take the dog 'cause that's literally a punishment in itself Buster: Meet me and then when the clock runs down on that excuse I'll head home and you can show up Rio: another 💡 for your collection Buster: Plenty of time for you to still be hungover in the bathroom and whatever else we need Rio: You're good, I'll admit it Buster: You ain't seen nothing yet Buster: Get her to make you food even if you don't want it, she takes fucking ages to do that Rio: Wouldn't call it nothing Rio: but I wanna see more Buster: No denying it was something but you can have everything if you want Rio: Is that a promise? Buster: Yeah Rio: Then I want it Buster: I've missed you too Buster: I will Rio: I know Rio: now you can show me, yeah Buster: 'Course Rio: Good Rio: 'cos there's a lot you missed Buster: You'll catch me up Rio: Be rude not to Buster: We can't have that Buster: You've got a rep for being so polite, like Rio: Exactly Rio: and who would wanna tarnish my 😇 reputation? Rio: not you Buster: Obviously not Rio: 😏 Buster: Rio Rio: Mm? Buster: Never mind Rio: No Rio: go on Buster: I was just gonna say that I've not done loads of shit with other girls, you know Buster: Not yet Rio: That don't matter Rio: you know I haven't either, not everything Rio: it'll still be good Rio: when you want it so bad it can't not be Buster: Unless you want it too bad, then it could be Rio: I know what you're saying but I promise it'll still be good Rio: there's loads of ways to make it last as long as we both want it to Buster: Yeah I know, forget I said anything Rio: Alright but you don't need to be nervous Rio: or anything like that Rio: its just me Buster: That 'just' shouldn't be there though Buster: It's you Rio: I'm in the same boat Rio: you know Rio: I feel like I could explode whenever you're around Buster: You're a girl it doesn't matter if you do Rio: That's not totally true Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Nah, I do, I'm trying to say Rio: its embarrassing Buster: You don't need to be Rio: Well sometimes Rio: I cum so hard I pass out Rio: what if that happened, you'd be so freaked out Buster: I can hold you up, I've already proved how easy you are to carry Buster: Don't worry Rio: As long as you don't Rio: even if we've not got time today Rio: we will Buster: I swear Buster: I'm not worried Buster: I just wanted to tell you 'cause of how socials makes shit look Buster: So you don't think it's you if I fuck it up somehow Rio: I appreciate it, seriously Rio: but I know you Rio: when its just us Rio: I know Buster: I feel that too Buster: Even when I didn't wanna Rio: Its always been good Rio: when we let it Rio: when we could Buster: Yeah Buster: All through your parents wedding I kept thinking about when mine did it Buster: How different everything was between us Rio: so much is Rio: but some things haven't changed, can't Buster: I'm still sorry though Buster: For shit that has Rio: Me too Buster: I don't hate you Buster: I never did Buster: It's not too strong of a word, it's the wrong word Buster: End of Rio: I don't hate you either Rio: and I give a shit about you, no matter what you do Rio: just remember that, yeah Buster: Don't let me forget Buster: We can be friends can't we, like as far as everyone else is concerned Rio: We were before Buster: Exactly Buster: There's no reason you shouldn't be able to come and see me in my own fucking house Buster: Or vice versa Rio: Right Rio: we can easily do it Buster: We can do whatever we want Rio: and I want you Rio: as long as you want me too, I don't care Buster: Jesus, hearing you actually say that is Rio: Its weird how easy it was to say Rio: when I've not been able to for so long, still shouldn't but Buster: When it makes me feel like that you definitely should Rio: There's so much I wanna tell you Rio: that I've never before Buster: So tell me Buster: You're stuck on a bus, what else are we gonna do? Rio: Won't be the first time I've thought about you on this bus ride, like Rio: it does take forever Buster: If we're playing that game there's fuck all places in this house and out of it that I ain't thought of you Rio: I hope so Rio: 'cos I think about you a lot Buster: Make it a contest if you like, babe, I'm confident that I'll win Rio: I won't mind losing to you if this is what it feels like Buster: Did you think about me when you were with him? Rio: Do you really wanna know? Buster: I wouldn't have asked if I didn't Rio: I did Rio: I tried not to but my brain would just go there if it got remotely good, when I couldn't control it Buster: And the more you try not to, the more you do Rio: Exactly Rio: and I can't even pretend he was just bad, its not like he's the only person I've kissed so Buster: Same, I've kissed a lot of girls but I always think about you whoever the fuck they are Rio: and its like, I can't even be mad about it or you 'cos it always makes it so Buster: Exactly Rio: Sometimes I think its the only way I can, with some people, you know Buster: Yeah, I understand that Rio: You're just Rio: you're you Rio: there's no one else like you, I swear Buster: The fact is, there's nobody else on our level Buster: It's me and it's you Buster: I invited that girl 'cause I thought it was just the ones from Chelsea Buster: That's bullshit though Rio: Its like Rio: its really fucking hard to like anyone else when you exist Buster: I know Buster: She wanted to do all sorts to me and with me but I said no Buster: Even though you had a nonce boyfriend at the time Rio: Neither of them is here now Rio: I can make you forget Buster: I already have Rio: Good Rio: I don't like her Buster: Me either Rio: Feeling jealous over you feels so stupid Rio: but I feel it all the time Buster: Don't Buster: I don't give a shit about any of 'em Buster: Ever Rio: I know Rio: and they still get to see you and talk to you and touch you and Rio: just not fair Buster: I want to see you and talk to you and touch you though Buster: I wanted to before I even knew what the fuck that meant Rio: I always wanted you around Rio: and I knew it was different to the way I felt about any of the others Rio: I just didn't know why or how yet Buster: Besides, nobody actually properly does any of those things to me so you can have it Buster: Everything, like I said Rio: People never wanna talk about anything real Rio: never mind the rest Rio: I'm sorry, that I didn't give you more of a chance to tell your side at the wedding Rio: Nancy was just really in a bad way about it when she got here Buster: You've given me more chances than the rest of this fam does Buster: And you had enough you were dealing with Buster: She's always in a bad way about me, forget it Buster: I don't care Rio: I know its hard being the one expected to look after the others Rio: harder when you can't Buster: She's expected to look after herself, that's the only real problem she's got Rio: Still, you're her older brother, that'll always mean something Buster: We ain't kids any more, that means something too Buster: But to her it means she can't run to me or mum to fix everything Buster: It's about time she finally got her head around that, like Rio: That's true too Rio: I think she's trying Buster: Not hard enough, obviously Rio: She'll get there Rio: but right now, its us Rio: and we can talk about anything we want Buster: Yeah we can Buster: And I ain't even wasted, what a headfuck Rio: I don't wish I was Rio: its better Buster: You don't wish you were 'cause your headache's only just gone Rio: well that Rio: and there's nothing to hide behind Buster: You don't need to hide from me Rio: I don't want to Rio: It feels good being real Buster: I don't want you to Buster: I want you to feel good Rio: I want it for you too Buster: I know Buster: Be here and I will Rio: Your dog won't run away will it Buster: Nah, it's smarter than that Buster: and the only one of us who does what it's told, like Rio: Good, because I don't plan to be chasing it around with the limited time we have Buster: Have you got heels on again? Rio: Maybe Rio: but that's not the point is it 😏 Buster: The point is, you ain't gonna erase the high difference if you do or don't Rio: I'm not trying to Rio: I'm trying to reach you Buster: I'll help you Rio: You better Rio: I like being that close to you Buster: What else do you like? Rio: Sitting on your lap was Buster: Good 'cause you'll have to when I take your shoes off, it's been raining Rio: I won't complain Buster: Neither will your poor feet Rio: You can make me feel better Buster: Yeah, I can and I will Rio: You're so fucking Buster: What? Rio: fucking hot Buster: Oh Rio: Oh? Buster: Why does it feel like the first time anyone's ever said that to me? Rio: 'cos you wanted to hear it from me way before anyone else said it Buster: Fuck Rio: Where am I meeting you, only a few stops away Buster: [a location which we can assume is a park or whatever cos the dog] Rio: 5 minutes Buster: It better be 'cause I'm leaving now Rio: I can't last any longer than that, so it has to be Buster: Poor baby Rio: Oh Buster: Oh? Rio: I like it when you call me that Buster: Okay, baby Rio: 🤤 Rio: how can I already hear how good that sounds in your accent, like Buster: How much have you thought about me saying it? Rio: Not quite as much as I think about you saying my name Rio: but I think about that a lot Buster: Get off the goddamn bus now and I'll say it a lot Buster: Along with anything else you want Rio: I'm gonna hold you to that Rio: if I remember to think of anything but you and where I want you anytime soon Buster: I'm gonna hold you for as long as we have so I'd say it's unlikely you'll be able to think clearly Rio: I don't need to think Rio: I need you Rio: now Buster: Say that again Rio: I need you right now Buster: Is this real? Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: I'm serious, deadly Rio: so if you're playing with me right now, I will kill you Buster: I'm not Buster: I just can't believe this is actually happening Buster: That you feel how I do Buster: That we can tell each other Rio: Me either Rio: I've felt like this for Rio: forever Rio: You can tell me anything, seriously Rio: even if its something you reckon I don't wanna hear, I'd rather that than fuck all Rio: 'cos this is Rio: so much better Buster: I couldn't disagree even if I wanted to Rio: Don't Rio: [be showing up] Buster: [I hope there's lowkey somewhere you can hide if this is a park during the holidays and she legit lives here we don't need to be running into randoms rn] Rio: [you can find some quiet corner lads, I believe in you, even if you have to go into the foliage lowkey] Buster: [at least the dog wouldn't care when he picks her up like immediately cos baze have been there, done that honey] Rio: [lord knows those two are forever highkey] Buster: [I love them so much and every time the kids shade them I'm like excuse you] Rio: [ungrateful brats lol, also literally no way she's not kissing on his as they're tryna walk, like girl, anyone could be here, god bless you highkey idiots] Buster: [it's fine cos we know he's as extra and gives as few fucks] Buster: [at least have a glorious make out session before we move you though] Rio: [live your best life kids, when this has been SO long coming you need to be outside rn or we're outing ourselves immediately and you must not] Buster: [at least with them being outside it'll be easy to make them wanna go home cos so many clothes in the way as it's feb] Rio: [it would be chilly af, with that, first time nerves, the dog and baze blowing up your phone like come back, its believable, away you go] Buster: [yeah and we all know you'd wanna touch and see so much of each other cos you're those bitches] Rio: [good god if you ain't gonna go all out after this] Buster: [How the fuck are they gonna keep quiet for real cos he can put his hand over her mouth or whatever but he's a loud bitch his damn self] Rio: [if you can't get it done now with baze and Nancy home, she will have to come to London] Buster: [yas hot tub surprise 2.0 thank you] Rio: [that will be a cute full circle moment also give you some time to not be cockblocked] Buster: [should we still let them now or say they didn't get chance to fully go all in?] Rio: [Hmm, I say mutual 'things' but still not the full thing, enough to miss each other and know its gonna but being realistic about how much time they can have without Nancy at least noticing] Buster: [I vibe] Rio: [Have a final cockblock babe] Buster: [the goodbye is gonna be so cos can't show how gutted you truly are in front of peeps] Rio: [oh babes, at least you can have a lil private one 'cos that's rough] Buster: [we'll get her to London soon kids don't worry] Rio: [do you think they're going tonight or tomorrow] Buster: [in my head I thought tomorrow morning but it can be whenever] Buster: [ooh he should walk her to the bus so they can have their lil goodbye but nobody can stop him cos it's for safety bitch] Rio: [that's a mood forever, oh the emotions rn like] Buster: [like we don't know the time, it could be getting dark by the time she leaves cos Nancy is highkey] Rio: [how distracted she would be the entire time like I'm so sorry girl lol] Buster: [oh you awkward self centred gay how do you not realize] Rio: [what a read] Buster: Talk to me then Rio: I miss you already Buster: Don't Buster: You're gonna be with me really soon Rio: I know Rio: still Buster: Baby Rio: It doesn't feel real Rio: I can't believe it is Buster: But it is Buster: It happened Rio: I know Rio: my lips were already bruised from last night but now Buster: Yeah, mine too Buster: I'm happy that they are Rio: I need to feel you when you're not around Rio: bruises are good Buster: Exactly Buster: I'd almost forgotten that there was a better feeling than winning a fight Rio: I won't let you forget Buster: Good, don't Rio: I ain't going to Rio: we ain't done here Buster: I'm done here but not with you Rio: I'm definitely holding you to that Buster: You can Rio: What else Rio: whilst you're promising me things Buster: Whatever else you want Rio: Everything Rio: yeah? Buster: I promise Rio: I just want you Rio: all that entails Buster: You have me Rio: and you've got me Buster: I don't wanna go Rio: I know Rio: it feels like when we were younger and the holidays always went too fast Buster: Walking away from you was always so shit Buster: And yet again I'm spending all night looking at a packed suitcase instead of you Buster: Fuck all has changed but everything has, like Rio: its fucking surreal Rio: having to say goodbye in front of your family like I don't care at all Buster: We could leave together tomorrow before the flight Buster: It wouldn't be the first supposedly impossible thing I've ever done Rio: you've gotta go back and do your time as a good boy Rio: otherwise they'll never let me come see you Buster: I've gotta be with you now Rio: When's your flight? Buster: [a time] Buster: I can't get on it Buster: I know I can do anything but I can't Rio: We can make this work Rio: I'll come see you before you go Buster: Fuck it, I just won't go Rio: Buster Rio: Its gonna be okay, I promise Buster: Yeah it will 'cause they can't make me board a plane Buster: I'll just stay with you like we both want Rio: Okay and then what Rio: you've got school to smash, all that important stuff Rio: we'll still be together, it won't be like before, not talking or anything Buster: You're more important than any of it Buster: This way nothing goes to shit as soon as I set foot back in London Rio: It won't go to shit, we won't let it Rio: can do anything, right? Rio: we want this, then we'll have it, no matter what Buster: You have to be right about this Rio: I swear, I'll do everything I can to make it okay Rio: better than okay Buster: I won't lose you again, will I? Rio: No Rio: we can't go back Rio: it's out there now and that's a good thing because we can't hide from it Rio: we have to stick together Buster: Alright Buster: Good Rio: You're gonna be so good, baby, I know it Buster: I'll prove it to you Buster: I don't care what I said about not Rio: I believe in you, Buster Buster: Nobody else has ever told me that before Rio: They should Rio: and I mean it Rio: I've always known you're good Rio: and you're going to be even better Buster: I miss you so fucking much Rio: I feel it too Buster: It's not just today either, you know Buster: It's all the time Buster: You were the best friend I ever had Buster: You are Rio: We can be best friends again Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm not gonna fuck it up from now Rio: Me either Rio: I don't wanna waste time missing you for the wrong reasons Rio: I can deal with missing you for this, when I know I'm gonna still be able to talk to you and be with you at the end of it Rio: but that other bullshit is over now, I can't Buster: Like you said, there's no going back Buster: It's forward, no matter what Buster: Like it or not Buster: But I swear you will Buster: 'Cause I won't hurt you ever again Rio: I get it, why you did what you did Rio: why I did it too, we had to Rio: we had to see if it would go away Rio: but it never did Buster: I'm not sorry that it wouldn't Rio: Obviously Rio: I really fucking like you, yeah Buster: I mean, no cunt's ever gonna change my mind, whatever they say or they think Buster: You're perfect, Rio Buster: That's what I think Rio: You're gonna make me cry on this bus Rio: I'm so glad I know you Rio: and if I didn't, I would find a way Rio: because you're different Rio: like you said, me and you, we're on our own level Buster: Don't cry Buster: Not when I'm not there to wipe the tears away, like Rio: I'll be brave Buster: I know Buster: You're properly brave, and not just for a girl either Rio: You're cute Buster: Remember how annoyed I used to be whenever you called me cute Rio: Yeah Rio: you gonna let me now then 😏 Buster: I'm not gonna stop you Buster: Annoyed ain't the word any more Rio: Good Rio: 'cos that's the least of the compliments I wanna give you, honestly Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yep Rio: Don't wanna spoil you though, save some for later Buster: Why not? I wanna spoil you Rio: You always have Buster: Do you want some duty free, like? Rio: I don't need anything Buster: Pretty sure I said want, babe Rio: I want you to get something that makes you think of me Buster: That'll be easy then Rio: Yeah? Buster: You know I think about you all the time Rio: I do now Buster: Come on, you did Rio: I didn't know, I had an educated guess though Rio: I like it when you say it more than just wondering Buster: You can ask me anything you've ever wanted to know Buster: I like talking to you Rio: You're my favourite person to talk to Buster: Good Rio: I think a plane to see you is actually quicker than this bus Buster: It is Buster: You'll see Rio: Do you think I can come one weekend Rio: I don't wanna wait 'til the next holiday Buster: Fuck waiting til Easter Buster: You're coming as soon as we can talk our parents into it Rio: Definitely Rio: shouldn't be that hard Rio: we'll think of something Buster: 'Course Buster: Like you said, I just need to behave Buster: And your parents are pushovers Rio: Pretty much Rio: its just Nance I'm worried about Buster: I'm about to do my homework in full view so if you wanna talk to her, it's a good time to start Rio: I don't know how to do this Rio: long term, its easier if people think we're friends again, right Rio: or at least on better terms Rio: she's gonna be hardest to convince Buster: You could tell her you were at the party Buster: Getting wasted together is a bonding activity in this fam Buster: Or if you don't wanna be complicit in an action that fucked her holiday, use the wedding instead Buster: Say we've been talking since then, it ain't even a lie Rio: It might help, actually Rio: if I take some of that off you Rio: not that you're gonna be besties but it'll work in our favour if it was my party, which it was Buster: I can handle it, you don't need to worry about me Buster: Do what works for you Rio: I know you can Rio: I just reckon its more understandable than a complete 180 Rio: I was helping slag you off a bit with her, like Buster: What did you say about me? 😏 Rio: I don't even know Rio: she was on one, I didn't disagree Rio: just that you're a prick blah blah blah Buster: You're cute Rio: Really Rio: fine, I won't be nice to you, if that's what you like Buster: Yeah you will Buster: You can't help it Rio: You're right but don't be annoying about it 😏 Buster: Well maybe I can't help it Rio: Being annoying Rio: Maybe, babe Buster: Behave, you're not meant to agree with me Rio: 😂 Rio: It's okay, I still like you Buster: I still like you too Buster: I definitely can't help that Rio: Good Rio: I don't want you to stop Buster: I won't Buster: And I don't wanna either Rio: Promise Buster: Yeah I do Buster: On whatever you want me to swear on Rio: I'll think Rio: but I trust you anyway Buster: You can Buster: I didn't drop you and I never will, obviously Rio: and you always stick to your word Rio: with dares and most things Rio: so I do Buster: With everything Buster: And I'd do anything for you, dare or not Rio: Did I mention I miss you already Buster: Yeah but the more you do, the quicker my homework gets done so I can actually do something about it Rio: [sends voice memo saying it loads 'cos cute nerd] Buster: [sends a pic of his finished homework cos likewise] Rio: It's rude how smart you are, honestly Rio: but can't be mad about it right now Buster: It's rude how smart and beautiful and funny and caring you are Rio: shh 😳 Buster: No Buster: [a voice memo full of compliments so I hope you've left the kitchen or wherever you were doing that homework in full view lol] Rio: [gotta be a bit less obvious than that kids lol] Rio: Why are you so nice to me Buster: 'Cause you deserve it Rio: you do too Buster: You've always been nice to me Buster: Even saved my life after all that brandy, right? Rio: It felt that scary at the time, like Rio: drama 👑 and 👸 Buster: Yeah Buster: I couldn't feel it til later, like Buster: But Rio: We've done some pretty stupid stuff yeah Buster: More than our fair share, I reckon Buster: And we'll obviously do loads more Rio: That works for me Buster: London's full of stupid shit Buster: You'll love it Rio: Do you Rio: apart from the cunts Buster: It's less boring than Cambs Buster: Nothing ever happened there Rio: You can take me to all the cool places Buster: Before Nance tries to drag you to all the shit ones Rio: 😏 Rio: Shame I don't have any nerdy gay friends to distract her with.. Rio: I'll have to get on that too Buster: You could bring Junior Buster: It'd be like when we were kids Rio: Not exactly what I meant but I could Rio: though idk if adding to the amount of people we have to avoid is the right idea either Buster: I know what you meant but pimping my sister out isn't the right one either Rio: 🙄 don't make it sound so sordid Rio: but it isn't, she's so shy, bless her Buster: She ain't shy, she just needs to be around the right people Rio: She is quite shy Rio: it's not a bad thing strictly Buster: Whatever Rio: Its not fair, is it Buster: What? Rio: That we live in different countries Buster: We won't always Buster: When we're older we can go where we want Rio: We should Rio: there's so many places I wanna go Buster: Then we will Rio: There's so much I wanna do with you Buster: I want you there whatever I'm doing Buster: We should be together all the time Buster: So much of it has already been wasted Rio: Then I will be Rio: simple as Rio: nothing or no one can get in our way Buster: I have a fight [insert a weekend date for it that's soon] can you come to London then? Rio: I'll ask my parents soon as they're back Rio: but I don't see why not Buster: Okay Rio: I don't know if I wanna see you get hurt Rio: but I'll still cheer you on Buster: You won't see that Buster: I don't get hurt Rio: Don't Buster: Don't worry Buster: There's nobody as good as me Rio: I know Buster: You can watch me play football instead, if you want Rio: No, I wanna Rio: I can just watch you with boxing Buster: Alright Rio: I mean, I'd come to both Buster: It's a standing invitation, like Buster: For as long as I'm doing both Rio: I'll support you in anything, you know that Rio: long as it can just be me and you after, like Buster: It can always be just me and you Buster: Like you said, nothing and nobody's getting in the way Buster: And nothing or nobody's more important to me Rio: Buster Rio: You're incredible Rio: perfect Buster: You are Rio: you Buster: Tell me when you're back home Buster: I'll call you Rio: you could call now Rio: I don't mind Rio: just wanna hear your voice Buster: [obvs does]

[shxttyscapes]

why i love bts

[ warning: long read up ahead ] [ trigger warning: mentions of suicide, self-harm ]

why some people hate bts, i'll never understand. they helped me through a lot and i'll forever be grateful for them. they saved me from myself. and this is my story.

what's yours?

i actually didn't want to post because i feel like i'll be invalidated by those who don't understand.

i grew up in a happy household filled with love. despite the fact i grew up without a father, i didn't feel the deep absence and lack of love that i was supposed to be getting from my father because my family took care of me well. from a young age, i was taught to be kind, to work hard, and always listen to my elders. to know what was wrong from right. and while my family wasn't always right about everything, i listened and that's who i became.

i was this cheerful, optimistic, loud, energetic girl who loved everyone and was loved by everyone. i never got bullied, i had a strong personality, i was deemed trustworthy, dependable, responsible, and overall a good leader. i didn't have the best grades but that wasn't what mattered anyway. i had good friends, high school was a roller coaster but i survived and had a blast.

i became a fan of bts in the summer of 2014, a little before my freshman year of uni started. i was into another group at that time but what i didn't know was that i was going to fall so much harder for this group of 7 boys because not only were they so funny and talented, but they were also so real and so... human. they didn't feel like stars i couldn't reach. they felt like they were my friends i didn't get to see often but they were always there for me.

i started uni off great because the transition from high school to college wasn't supposed to be hard since my high school was a laboratory high school for our university. i started in a degree program i knew nothing about and only took because of a scholarship i was aiming for (that i didn't get anyway) and because i didn't know what i wanted at the time (i actually still don't). i had average grades, i had a great time with my friends, it was all good.

it all started going downhill when my sophomore year started.

the previous semester gave me my first failing mark. the first of many, but i had no idea back then. that, plus the fact that i didn’t get all the subjects i needed that semester due to the shitty registration system my university implemented, demotivated me a lot. i was starting to fall behind. i didn’t want to go to class. i’d skip. i’d tell myself it was just me being lazy, and that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, i just needed a little more motivation.

that semester ended with me failing half my subjects. not because of my poor performance, but because of my excessive absences. i got further demotivated.

so i tried another semester.

and i failed again. the more i thought about how behind i was, the more everyone had been giving me weighed down on me. like, the expectations, hopes, and aspirations people had for me... it was all becoming like lead on my shoulders and on my feet. i couldn’t move and it seemed like i was always carrying something heavy. something i couldn’t unload to my friends because they couldn’t help anyway.

long story short, i was out. i was out of uni.

that crushed me. i couldn’t tell anyone. i sure as hell couldn’t tell my mom. i told my sister, but she couldn’t do anything to help me either since she dropped out earlier in the year. (as someone living in the philippines, this is a huge deal for my family since education and grades are deemed important here but i told my mom to let my sister be because that wasn’t a disappointment. i knew she wouldn’t be happy and satisfied if she stayed because even if she didn’t know what she wanted, she knew what she didn’t want. that was enough for me.) i started to worsen, The Thoughts i’ve been trying to keep at bay started coming back in waves and the voices in my head started to stir again.

still, i kept trying. i tried to get back on my feet by entering the university again, and i got readmitted. i promised the administration that i wouldn’t let that happen again and that i would do better this time around.

i didn’t get to.

because once i came back, all anxious thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks and weighed me down each time i had a class to go to. i didn’t know anyone in class, my friends and batchmates were way ahead of me already, i didn’t understand the lessons... i started listening to the voices. they were getting too loud. their whispers were full-blown shouts now, and i couldn’t quite drown them out anymore. i caved.

so, i was out. again.

this time, it was meant to be permanent.

i got scared. i felt so hopeless. i wanted to be alone. i knew what was gonna happen before they even told me because i don’t think i even tried. i had daily breakdowns. not when anyone was around or awake, no. but i would sometimes cry myself to sleep, those sometimes turned into daily/nightly occurrences, and i could only vent on private accounts where nobody saw me because i didn’t want to become a burden. i was losing it.

i didn’t know what i was gonna do, i wasn’t doing anything to help myself or my family, so i just wanted to go. i badly wanted to go. i didn’t contribute to anything. i was a waste of space. the voices in my head... they convinced me i was useless. people would move on with their lives with or without me. i was insignificant. my mom had my sister. my friends have other friends and they could make more friends even if i were gone.

i was tired of the pain. it hurt a lot, and i couldn’t tell anyone because i didn’t want to be a burden and i didn’t even understand myself so how could i expect other people, my friends, to understand? i felt so alone. i even prayed for God to just take me because i couldn’t take it anymore. i wanted the pain to go away; i wanted to turn it into physical pain because dealing with physical pain was easier than dealing with the emotional kind. i couldn’t; they would notice. anywhere i cut, they would notice. if i resolved to violence against inanimate objects, bruises would appear and they would still notice. and i don’t want them to worry. because it wasn’t their fault.

i already had dreams of letting go. i was already writing letters. i was already isolating myself as much as i could without making people worry. i really felt hopeless.

but you know what kept me going? what became the constant for me in my struggles? music. more specifically, bts’ music. their message. their story. their own lives, their hearts and souls poured into melodies and lyrics. their goal to make people listen to their voice because it’s their voice, and because people might need to listen to what they need to say.

i got inspired. i was reminded of their struggle. i remembered how they wanted to quit as well. how some of them not only wanted to quit the industry, but also wanted to quit life. it was hard. but because they were together... because they had each other, they didn’t give up. they persevered. they hustled and hustled until they got to where they are now.

it wasn’t easy, the road they took to get to where they are now. they had a lot of hurdles, a lot of injuries, mistakes, failures... but they took those and learned. they reflected and grew with their mistakes. they made better versions of themselves. they no longer aimed for achievements like awards and sold-out shows... they aimed for their voices to be heard for those who didn’t have the words to say what they wanted to say. they aimed for making music to inspire. to let people know that it was okay.

and that’s what pushed me to try again.

i struggled a little bit more, but i opened up to my friends a little and asked for help. i stepped out of my comfort zone that was growing smaller and smaller each time i made a mistake, and it was one of the best things i’ve ever done.

now i’m back in uni, still with average grades, but getting through. i don’t think i’m completely okay, since the voices in my head still shout and i can’t help but listen sometimes, but i’m getting there. i’m learning how to accept myself for who i am, who i was, and who i will be.

because of bts, i was reminded that it’s okay to dream, but it’s also okay to not dream. it’s okay to fall, as long as you get back up. it’s okay to get lost sometimes, and it’s okay to just stop to smell the flowers every once in a while. it’s okay to dream, it’s okay to not dream. and most importantly, i was reminded that i wasn’t alone in this fight. we’re all fighting our own battles but we’re never alone. we never walk alone. they’re always by my side, i’m always by theirs. they have my back like i have theirs. our mistakes don’t define us but they’re a part of who we are. we just have to learn and grow and become better versions of ourselves.

they didn’t teach me what i already knew-- they reminded me of what i’d already forgotten. that despite all these failures, despite all this pain and misery, i should keep going. because once winter passes, spring always comes again.

[chantalkrcmar]

India Receding…Further and Further

29 April 2021

As western news outlets catch on more and more to the enormous COVID tragedy unfolding in India, more and more people here in the US are asking how our friends and family there are doing.

And what do I say?

The truth is almost unbearably hard.

My mother-in-law, Sudha Dave (Mummy to Rahul and me; Dadi to Anamika), died unexpectedly a couple days ago. Another COVID casualty. Because of COVID’s burden on India’s already patchy and weak healthcare system, Mummy did not get the medical care she needed. So, though she will not be counted in the official COVID statistics, COVID was a contributing factor. (A note about the Indian government’s official COVID stats: Do not trust them. Currently, they put the COVID fatalities at 200,000 — not even counting those who died victims of the failing healthcare system. Experts claim the fatalities directly from COVID are actually already one million.)

The advice most everyone in India is getting right now from medical professionals and the government is: do not go to the hospital unless you are at death’s door. The unspoken message is also: And even if you are at death’s door, do not come expecting to get the care you need. Maybe you’ll be lucky, and maybe you won’t. Well, our family doctor gave my in-laws that advice when Mummy started having breathing trouble and low oxygen levels. My mother-in-law and father-in-law knew she was not well, but they thought she must be stable. Her doctor probably knew, but my in-laws did not know she was actually on death’s door. So once they brought her to the hospital, she went into cardiac arrest and that was it.

So what do I say to well-intentioned folks who ask me about India now? To us, it’s not an abstract headline in the New York Times or a clip on NPR. It’s flesh and blood and lots and lots of tears.

Honestly, it’s been horribly hard to hear, “How are your friends and family in India?” when I can’t respond with a simple, “They’re safe and healthy. Thanks for asking.”

The real answer is more like “Absolutely horrible. My mother-in-law just died, ripping a huge hole in the fabric of our family. One that will take a good long time to mend. And one that right now is just goddamn painful. And almost everyone else we know is getting COVID, to boot. Thanks for asking.”

I’m not sure that’s what well-intentioned acquaintances want to hear. 

My mother-in-law is gone, and with her, our experience of India is irrevocably and irreversibly changed forever. As I sit in the fog of grief, one of the many thoughts that keeps recurring is how much Mummy made India what it is to me. The first time I ever came to India, she met Rahul and me at the Mumbai International Airport with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in hand. As she passed them to me, she said, “Welcome home.” Within minutes of getting to the apartment, we were sitting with hot cups of Ambubhai’s world famous chai in our hands. And so it began…At the time, I did not know how much India would become my second home. I came to find over time that Mummy was right. I was coming home.

Our family home in Mumbai will be so…quiet…next time we’re there. My mother-in-law was a presence to be reckoned with. She brought a lot of laughter and love and zaniness and, yes, sometimes exasperation, into our home. She and Anamika would paint together, and watch Paw Patrol in Hindi, and have epic battles of the will over how much aanda or dhal or bhindi or chapati Anamika would eat. Ultimately, though, my mother-in-law adored Anamika so much that…well, who do you think won their battles of the will? We all managed to live together through the world’s harshest lockdown without even fighting that much. Even while going through it, I knew how remarkable that was. Sure, there were annoyances, and sure there were some arguments, but we five adults and one four year old managed pretty well.

My mother-in-law was imperious, curious, quite adventurous — especially for a woman who was raised in a time in India when girls and women were expected to be nothing but docile and demur. Many, sadly, are still expected to be that way. She loved Anamika’s feistiness and self-assurance, probably partly because she saw parts of herself, and her aspirations for herself, in her little granddaughter.

Mummy’s death is having wide ripple effects. Anamika and I are grief stricken; Rahul is, of course, even more so. Ambu Uncle is a mess, too. On WhatsApp video calls, he looks so drained. Riaz Uncle, my in-laws’ driver who hasn’t really driven them anywhere all year but is still being paid (if only other Indians would be as fair and humane as my father-in-law) looked stricken when we spoke to him on WhatsApp too. My father-in-law called Riaz Uncle to come drive them to the hospital so Mummy could get a CT Scan and then drive them home. Nobody knew that it would be a one-way trip.

Tutuji and Hemanta are also so affected. When we called to tell them Mummy had died, Tutuji and Rahul both broke down and sobbed together. Tutu and Hemanta have stayed in our home in Mumbai with all of us many times over the years. Hemanta calls my in-laws Dada and Dadi, just like Anamika does. Over the past couple days, Hemanta has been calling us regularly. Our 11 year old foster son is acting so mature. He inquires, “Has Haathi Papa [Rahul] eaten lately? Is he sleeping enough?” Hemanta also called us in the middle of the night yesterday to report that he had called Ambu Uncle to check in on him and Dada. He is concerned about them too. “Dada has eaten cherries,” he solemnly told us. Hemanta’s care for them is so touching. Anamika has also been so attentive to Rahul. She’s been hugging him and holding his hand and stroking his head when he cries. She keeps saying, “Dadi was my Dadi.” And then she reluctantly follows with, “And she was yours, too, Papa.”

Now we all must mourn and celebrate Mummy together over WhatsApp. Rahul’s cousin Alka, mercifully, lives in Mumbai and is fully vaccinated. So she’s been helping my father-in-law navigate the bureaucratic hoops, and the emotional fallout, that follow death. Alka helped Rahul “attend” Mummy’s cremation through WhatsApp video. Because the COVID situation in India is such a nightmare, we cannot go there now. Many international flights to and from India are canceled anyway, and soon all will be. Rahul and I have not gotten our second dose of the vaccine yet either. My poor father-in-law can’t even have visitors right now. So he and Ambu field phone calls from friends and relatives, and then sit in their quiet home. A home that is stuffed with my mother-in-law’s being — her colorful sarees spilling out of one whole closet, her tiny bottles of shampoo, perfume, lotion everywhere. She had a funny habit of collecting small hotel toiletries from everywhere they traveled.

Anamika and Mummy painted together a lot during lockdown, but after we left India, my mother-in-law took her artwork to a new level. Using Anamika’s bedroom as her studio, she was constantly trying new techniques. She was waiting for our return so she could resume doing art with her favorite creative companion, Anamika. The fact that that day never did come is such a loss for her and for Anamika. Theirs was a bond that brought me such joy. My only surviving grandmother when I was a child was downright mean. So to see how much love my mother-in-law showered on Anamika was heartwarming. So that’s what a grandmother/granddaughter relationship is supposed to look like!

I never thought when we left India in September that we’d never see Mummy again. We knew that my in-laws were in a high risk category for COVID, but we also knew they were willing to be shut-ins until the pandemic was past and that Ambu Uncle would take excellent care of them. I think we overlooked the fact that the Indian healthcare system would totally collapse, leaving them at risk if anything else went wrong.

This post is obviously about my mother-in-law, but the grief over her death is being compounded by our stress and worries about others in India, too. I am not sure I can even appropriately convey how dire the situation in India is now. As I was writing this post, I got a message from Thresiamma, a friend who runs an NGO in Kerala, the south of India.  She is 74 and she has COVID. She has taken a turn for the worse and was hospitalized. I hope she makes it out. But I am not too terribly hopeful. And Rahul’s good friend Ahmet who lives in Mumbai has told him that about 10% of his co-workers have died of COVID. His colleagues were not elderly — nor were they poor and unable to afford medical care. It’s just not available much of the time — no matter who you pay off. The Indian crony system has met its match during this pandemic.

Here’s a little taste of just how bad it is in India...

https://thewire.in/government/india-covid-19-government-crime-against-humanity

Right before the pandemic hit India, we took a little family vacation to one of our favorite travel destinations: Kodaikanal, a small town in the Western Ghat mountains in Tamil Nadu. Thank the gods we got there one last time. Who knew what was just around the corner?!

I snapped this photo of Anamika hamming it up with her Dadi and Dada in front of one of our favorite spots in Kodai: The Pastry Corner, a little hole-in-the-wall bakery with the most amazing South Indian filter coffee, delectable homemade ice cream and gooey pastries. The Pastry Corner is tiny; it’s grimy; the ice cream server’s nine fingers were always dirty. But we all loved it and made a daily pilgrimage down the road to share outdoor benches jam-packed with locals and sticky from all the treats customers had been dropping all day. Best. Place. Ever. (And, no, those coffee cups were not all ours. Just most of them were.)