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dumplingsjinson · 1 year ago

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Aite, so here’s an update on what’s been happening with mixed signals dude.

First of all: this is my first time faking sobriety to my parents and being drunk as fuck (I’ve gotten tipsy with friends before but that was about it, I recovered real quick every time because I never drank this much) and I literally lied to my parents that my friends sent me home when in actual reality, I walked home drunk, while on a call with my friend, at fucking 12 in the morning. This is to say, PLEASE don’t be like me. I’m sober enough to say this right now, but clearly I was not sober enough before to be making good life choices. Shit like this is dangerous. Don’t do what I did, for the love of God.

TL;DR will be at the end if you don’t want to read my bullshit.

This took me six hours to write, with interruptions in between. I have a friend to meet later today, but at least I’m not hung over even though I didn’t get enough sleep. Listening to Jungkook’s “Seven” (explicit ver.) right now while I write this so AHAH.

I’m so fucked, but in a figurative sense.

Okay. Deep breaths, you lovely mfers. Get your fucking bucket of popcorn because it’s gonna be a bit of a wild ride, from start to finish.

So.

We meet up. He tells me he has a friend he wants me to meet. Guess who that friend is?

It’s some dude I matched with on Hinge like, nearly two weeks ago. We talked for a few days, then he stopped replying to me, and it was no biggie; I was gonna unmatch after he ends up in the hidden list on Hinge, which takes around two weeks after the last chat message is sent. But turns out, that friend of mixed signals dude is this fucking Hinge guy (I REALLY hope he didn’t recognise my face but like… I felt so fucking awkward, and I have a feeling he might have recognised my face so fuck my life, what a small ass world).

So during us hanging out at the bar (our first stop of the night), I tell mixed signals dude about this, and I unmatch the guy while he’s laughing about it, and a few hours later, the guy appears on my match list again (probably a Hinge bug) and it was like we never talked before; a clean slate, like when we matched at first. Anyway, I unmatch him again. I tell this to the mixed signals dude and we share a good laugh over it.

(I talk to him about the guys I’ve matched with before and the guys I’ve just matched with, over text and during this particular meet up since he keeps insisting we’re friends, so sue me.)

Now that’s out of the way, something else I found out while hanging out with this dude was that he went on a date with one of my friends before, around two years ago (WHAT A FUCKING SMALL WORLD, AM I RIGHT??) and I RUSH to ask my friend about this (I tell him I’m going to tell her and he was fine with it) and she’s like OMG, THAT DUDE?? He tells me he liked her back then, she never liked him back, but then cut contact with her and the other girls in his life when he started dating his now ex.

So… Yeah. Funny how the world is such a fucking small place, apparently.

OKAY. So now that crazy ass shit is also out of the way, let’s go to the crux of what happened.

I just want to say this: prior to this hang out, he’s been giving me pretty suspicious vibes over text. He’d say we’re friends, but then say shit like “I care for you” and “I don’t want you to be alone and be hit on by creepy men” when I tell him I’m gonna go out a little earlier to get some shit done before our meet up, and he doesn’t have to come along with me. I get friends can say this shit, and that doesn’t mean it should be construed as romantic intentions or whatever because friends give a fuck about each other, but THENNNNNNNN HE ALSO HITS ME WITH SHIT LIKE “so what physical attributes do you like in men” and asks me “what am I?” when I tell him what type of build I prefer. SO??? There’s so much more than just the stuff above, but I cannot be fucked going back to our chat to see what else he’s said that made me just JEKFSKDKKDK when I read it.

Our first hangout spot — at the bar. I buy us drinks (his paycheck still hasn’t come, so basically I’m the one paying for everything, at will. Before anyone says anything, I know he’s not taking advantage of me, so don’t worry!), and we have a jolly good time.

Shit’s fine so far. 😃👍

We sit at the bar for a bit after drinking, just chatting, and like… it’s all good, you know? We’re vibing well.

And then we up, pay and leave.

I’m like… a LIL tipsy, but not completely fucking hammered. Yet.

We end up getting three bottles of soju (WHY THE FUCK DID WE DO THAT, YOU MIGHT ASK. And my answer is… I DON’T KNOW. WE’RE FUCKING IDIOTS, DON’T JUDGEEEE), and like.. It’s still fine. I’m already feeling a little warm, from both the walking and the drink I had before.

At both the bar and the alcohol shop, he keeps telling people I’m aged 12 and 14, and I’m like BRUH. Stop. Just because I’m short doesn’t mean you get to say shit like that. 💀

So anyway, I pay for the drinks and we leave, and trek around to find a good spot to drink at. We arrive at like some patio type of shit set out for the public, and take a seat at the corner. Basically a chill out spot for people to rest.

The drinking commences. We’re chatting and shooting the shit. Talking about how we’re “friends”, about the whole thing that happened at the cinemas (spoiler: it happens again tonight, cranked up from level 1 to 100), him saying he’d never hold me like that in public (he’s a fucking liar LMAO, I can tell you that much, and what I say later proves my point at least a little). I can already tell I’m getting a little tipsier when I start telling him about my, uh, personal things (you can guess whatever but I’m not gonna elaborate on what things is), and he’s telling me “you’re the first person who’s so open with this shit” 💀

And yeah, we keep talking, changing from topic to topic. Talking about my comfortability level with physical touch depending on who it is, him saying I’m not comfy with him (he’s an idiot for that because Christ, if only he knew how comfy I was with him. I told him and he wouldn’t believe me). I complain about how I’m feeling sleepy and shit because the alcohol’s slowly getting to me.

And then a firework display happens and we’re just… Watching. I record a bit of it and post it on my Instagram and listening back to it, I’m like tripping over words and shit. Embarrassing, I know. By now, we’re like halfway done with the second bottle of soju. And when the fireworks finish, I end up downing the rest of the second bottle of soju. And it’s hitting HARD for me. Keep in mind, I don’t drink often. The last time I got tipsy and drank a lot was with my friend, and even then I didn’t feel it hit that hard. Maybe because these are strong ass drinks.

We open a third bottle of soju while at it (clearly a very bad fucking idea to get three bottles, because neither of us wanted to bring that shit home and have our parents get mad at us lmao).

My head feels heavier and heavier, I feel a bit of dizziness set in… I’m aware of my surroundings and am aware I’m getting drunk. He’s controlling it a lil bit better but I’m pretty sure he’s a little tipsy himself.

He asks me if I want him to hold me and I’m like “yeah.” NO HESITATION RIZZ HAHAHA SJDJKSKS

This whole time, I’m aware of what’s happening, of what I’m saying.

So he squeezes in on my bench and just… Holds me close to him. Like he did at the cinemas. Maybe even closer. And this time, I’m letting him because we’re in a comfortable position to do so, and I’m just leaning on him for support. Arm around my waist, and me leaning against him very, very comfortably.

We sit there for probably 5-10 more minutes before the security guard tells us we need to leave because they gotta lock the gates. So we comply and leave. By then, we’ve probably sat there for like an hour when he shoos us away.

And oh God. I can’t. Fucking. Walk. And I literally have to use him as support, so I can walk in a straight line. He’s fairing better than me (for now) and links arm with me to help me walk better.

We make our way to another place, where we sit down so we can try and finish that third goddamn bottle of medicinal tasting liquid (the other two bottles tasted good unlike the original soju lmao). The grass is wet, so he uses his jacket so I don’t end up sitting on wet ass fucking grass. A sweet gesture, I must say.

And well… this is where we get really touchy with each other. He’s letting me lean against him and shit while we’re sitting up, and then we end up lying down as per his request and we’re just… Basically cuddling on the grass.

In public.

For fuck’s SAKE.

Things after this is going to be out of order. All I know is that they happened. I remember what I said. I remember we were trying to finish the last bottle of soju but we ended up throwing it out before we could finish it; there was really little of it left anyway.

I’m conscious of what’s happening, and our limbs are literally entangled together, and I’m just snuggled up against him basically. When I sit up, he’d sit up with me and still be holding me; sometimes he’d stand up and he’d just hug me from the front and I’d hug him back, head buried on his chest, him standing between my legs.

He’d be kissing me on the cheek, on the forehead, on the hair, nuzzling my neck when we’re lying down. His voice is so fucking close to my ear, because his mouth is right there. I don’t push him away because it’s, well… Nice.

And I want to reiterate, I’m aware of what’s happening. Everything’s consensual. If I was uncomfy, I would have pushed him away, drunk or not.

At one point while I lay my head on his chest, I SWEAR I can hear his heart beating pretty fast. Or maybe I’m delusional and it’s my own heart beat I’m hearing LMAO. At one point, I’m like “my heart’s beating so fast” (probably from the alcohol; I get like that when I drink) and he’s like “can I feel it?” and I’m like “yeah” and then he’s like “but I don’t want to touch you there” and I literally just take his hand and place it over my chest and he’s like, “…I can’t feel anything. Are you dead?”

SO YEAH, THAT’S FUCKING AMAZING. WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING???

I’m liTERALLY like “oh God this is so much PDA” the whole fucking time LMAO. And I’m the bitch to complain about couples acting a little too lovey dovey in public, for God’s sake, and I’m full on cuddling this dude at a place where everyone can fucking see us, but I was too hammered to give a shit at that point.

And while all of this shit is happening, I’m becoming less and less filtered, because apparently drunk me just says shit without thinking. Fucking embarrassing, I know.

I’d keep repeating “friends don’t do this” and he’d confirm with a “friends don’t do this” while kissing me on the face and shit.

He’d keep repeating “what’s up?”, trying to see how I’m feeling or whatever, and I’d be like “Mm, nothing’s up.”

He’d ask “what are you thinking about?” and my answer ranges from “no thoughts head empty” to “long distant dude”. And like… he keeps saying he’s “glad” that I’m thinking about him and I’m like JESUS CHRIST MY DUDE 💀

We talk about kissing each other a couple of times… about what would happened if wE UHH HOOKED UP. AT LEAST I WAS SOBER ENOUGH TO BE LIKE “no, I’m saving myself for someone else” IN ANSWER TO THE LATTER LMFAO. It was all drunken banter and shit but like damn. He’d also say shit like “mm, what if became special friends? Not fwb… but special friends” and in my head I’m like I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHATS HAPPENING ANYMORE SJJSJS

He’d joke about “what would happen if I ended up in your bed” (my parents would probably kill me LMFAO, getting drunk and fucking around with a guy I just met).

He’d be like “pretend I’m someone else when we do this and do that” or “pretend I’m that long distant dude” at one point when asking me if I wanted to kiss to WHICH IM LIKE UHHHH NO LMFAO. I won’t do that, thank you very much, because this isn’t about long distant dude.

(Funny because long distant dude had asked me earlier that day if I wanted to do a call when I’m free and I was telling this to the mixed signals dude before our meet up lmfaooo.)

He’d keep telling me how much he cares for me, and at one point I’m like “do you really care for me?” with my fingers in his hair and he answers, “I really do care for you”, or something along those lines and well… When I say I MELTED???? And the whole “You can tell me anything, I'm here for you.” GOD. JESUS. CHRIST. EWLFNEWLKNFKLENWF

His face would hover above mine so many fucking times and I’d be thinking “Oh God, I could kiss him. Is he going to kiss me?”

We somehow end up talking about “ooOoOoh what if we kissed during the Barbie movie” like two drunk fucking idiots 💀 Well, he talks about it and I’m like.. yeah no lmfao.

And at one point he literally tells me to go on top of him and in my head I’m like BOI YOU WANT ME TO STRADDLE YOU?? 😳😳 But I end up refusing because I didn’t wanna move JAJCKSKDKM AND AGAIN we’re in public so like, we were already doing too much and if we did THAT… my God. He does try to pull me on top of him at one point but I resist so he ends up giving up HAHAHA.

And AT SEVERAL POINTS, HE’D ASK “do you like me?” and my ass would be like like “mmm, IDKKKKK. Maybe?” 💀 WTF IS WRONG WITH ME FR FR. And I think he asks me “what do you think about me?” at one point lmao. My answer? “Idk.” 🥴

I keep telling him “you like PDA a lot, don’t you?” while clinging onto him like a touch starved koala, and he’d be like “bullshit”.

AND LIKE SJJSS he’d comment on how my face is so warm and nice, and I’d comment on how nice his chest is to lay my head on.

And I’d be out here joking about how it would be SOOO funny if we became boyfriend and girlfriend AHAH so fucking quirky am I right (I’m never drinking again) 🗿🗿🗿

We’re basically all over each other, in public, with no shame, no filter, clinging onto each other while giggling like fucking idiots 💀

Oh yeah and my dumbass asks, “your ex didn’t do this whole PDA thing with you, did she?” and he’d be like “no, she didn’t like that type of stuff.” (I found out more info about why they broke up and like Jesus Christ, this poor guy.) Or I’d ask “Do you do this with your other friends?” and he’d basically be like “Yeah, sometimes but like.. never as full on as this.” SOOO. FUCKKAKDKSKSK

And good lord… his hands were all over me (the uh, appropriate parts where I’m fine with being touched). My waist, my thighs, my face and AFKSKKD THINKING ABOUT IT NOW HAS ME REELING BCCCCCC LIKEEEE I kinda want more of that especially when we’re not drunk BUT THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT HAHAHHAA.

Maybe I AM touch starved. And maybe he is too 💀

And well, uh after all of the talk about kissing and basically him telling me to use him as a way of practice (WHAT A FUCKING TROPEEE SJDSKS, my friend tells me I’m living the kdrama life 💀), he ends up kissing me.

Ahahahahha.

AHAHHAHAHAHA.

SAY WHAT???

FUCK.

(Funny how quickly things can transpire from jokes to not jokes anymore 💀)

But yeah he kisses me, then he does it again, then does it AGAIN. and I’m out here like oiIiOkjJjJjajsjjsjavavsh Im NOT FUNCTIONING AHHH, especially because each time he’d try to use tongue and I’d push him away because like… yeah, I don’t think I’m a big fan of That shit.

In between the kisses we’d joke around a little. I’m like “what if I made out with you for real HHAHA” and he’s like “do you want to?” but YEAH I GUESS I DONT WANNA MAKEOUT WITH ANYONE ANYTIME SOON LMFAOOO, fucking— ANYWAY.

I did joke around saying “Maybe we should just do pecks on the lips” but I never like… act on it, even though there were so many chances 💀

(Lemme just reiterate again, I’m fine with what happened. I was aware and consenting. I pushed him away when I was getting uncomfy, and he stopped trying when I explicitly told him to stop.)

BUT YEAH THAT HAPPENS and after that I’m like “holy shit I can’t believe my first kiss is with you” BECAUSE GUESS WHAT IVE NEVER BEEN FUCKING KISSED BEFORE LMFAOOO and this is how it fucking happens 💀💀💀💀💀 and he’s all like “oh, so I’m the first guy you kissed” and blah blah blah 😩😩

I imagined something more romantic, but I also never imagine I’d get smashed with some guy and end up all over him in a public fucking place, so ya know. Shit happens, I guess.

We joke about how we’re gonna regret this in the morning and like… idk. Can’t say I regret it. Yet. 💀

(He also kept joking about how I wouldn’t wanna see him again after this and I was like shut UPPP.)

Oh, and I’m pretty sure at one point when I say something about long distant dude, he’s like “I’m hurt” in what I think is a playful manner??? I don’t remember what I said about him to warrant that but YEAH.

I’m just dumping things here as I remember them, if you couldn’t tell 🤣

But anyway, he’s definitely drunk as fuck, and we end up going home at like… 11pm 💀 We’re holding hands and everything as I lead him to the train station and to his platform and… yeah. I’m telling him how much I like holding his hand (fucking STAPLE MY MOUTH SHUT) during our walk. We part ways, my friend calls me because I’m drunk texting her and shit and she accompanies me on my whole journey home HAHA (I love herrrrRR). I feel so bad because I became that annoying and disruptive bitch on the train as I recount to her what happened. 💀

When I get home, mixed signals dude messages me and says he’s not feeling very good, and we commiserate about it for a bit, then he falls asleep.

And yeah, here we are. It’s nearly nearly 10am right now, I’m feeling better even though I barely got any sleep.

We still have the Barbie movie to see next week so JAJDKKKS

But yeah. A lot happened. Do I regret it? Well fuck me, can’t say I do… Yet. But usually regret hits pretty quickly so aHAHAH…

How fucked am I? 🥴 Because fuck me, this is definitely not what friends do. And like yeah sure we were drunk when this all went down but lIKEBWKFKSKSL MAN. There’s gotta be a fucking line, no??? Does being drunk bring out the truth or what, because I’d genuinely love to know 🙃

He’s messaged me JUST then and I think he remembers some stuff, like him holding me lmfao, how things got a bit out of hand, how he got sick twice 💀 And I’m afraid to ask if he remembers anything else lmfao, because I sure as hell do.

Fucking embarrassing—

I’ll reblog with another update if there’s any but YEAHHHHH, that’s about it. Sorry for the messy ass format lmao, things definitely weren’t written in chronological order half the time.

AND I still gotta get back to long distant dude about the call so fuck me, because now I don’t know how or what to FEEELLWNDKSSSLLS.

TL;DR: Got smashed with mixed signals dude, a gross amount of PDA ensued while we were in public (the people who saw us were probably like, “Geez, these mfers can’t keep their hands off of each other, can they?” I would have thought that if I was them 💀 It was that bad lmfao), and he kissed me, and now I don’t know what to feel. I remember basically everything. Not sure if he does, though.

Back with a REALLLYYYY long ramble about my love life? (Like, when I say really long, I meant it.)

Or... A lack thereof. I don't know, it's confusing; maybe I'm overthinking and maybe he does want to be friends or... he wants more??? Maybe I'm looking into things a bit too deeply BUT THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO AND I’M AFRAID IT'S NEVER GOING TO STOP AHHA.

SO ANYWAYS. Here's the story.

Prepare for a long ass post lmao, because I'm going the FUCK off again :D So like, if you don’t want to read my bullshit then feel free to skip past onto the next glorious post on your dashboard.

(The TL;DR is at the very bottom of this post if you can’t be fucked reading the whole thing lmao.)

Okay.

So.

I met this dude on CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel). We'll call him... Mixed signals dude. (we’re calling him mixed signals dude because it feels like he wants more with the way he acts, but the words that come out of his makes me feel like… Yeah, no, maybe I’m overthinking this greatly.)

He's pretty nerdy. A homebody. Overreacts to things. Pretty shitty texter but aren't most people? And he doesn't seem to exercise much because we were walking around a lot during our first meet up and he was pretty puffed out after a bit lmao. He's an introvert. He's a bit… Eccentric (and I'm not saying that to belittle him). I'm not pinning any of this against him, though. It just provides a background to what type of person he is.

Either way, he asks me if I'd like to meet up with him "as friends". I say yeah, sure thing, why not? I mean, I’m here to meet people, after all.

So we set a date, the day comes, and I meet up with him. He’s waiting for me at the platform my train stops at. We fall into easy conversation the moment I walk up to him and we start talking. I feel at ease with him even though we’ve just met, and my nerves dissipate pretty quickly.

Funny, because I was literally messaging my friend “Oh God, I’m nervous as fuck” like five minutes before the train arrives at my destination.

It’s nice, we share laughs, and it isn’t like... Awkward? Maybe a little, but it isn’t as bad as the other times I met up with other dudes. Usually first time hang outs are fairly awkward and sometimes boring, but it didn't feel that way with him. Oh, also, he's also the "ladies first" type of dude, always urging me to walk before him AHAHA. I don't know how to describe it but yeah.

So anyway, that's all good. We have a good time and get to know each other more. We go home after hanging out for the whole day, he tells me he had a good time, I say I did too.

We talk over text, and about a week or so passes before he asks me out again, so I say sure. It was pretty last minute; we set it up Friday night and then met up Saturday noon. That Saturday, he had planned on studying for his cert for either work or uni, but he comes out to hang with me anyway even though I insist we could do another day if he really couldn’t hang out (he said he didn’t want to study anyway so I was like, okay. We’ll go, then, if you’re sure).

First half of the "hang out" is pretty normal. We go to an art gallery, then we slowly make our way to the Botanic Gardens, where we kinda stop to rest for a little bit. We’re out here talking and laughing, and when we feel rested up, we make our way to another museum/art gallery. We talk about our dating lives, I tell him about the guys I've talked to, we talk about our personal lives and our families; the lot. We share more laughter, and by this point (and take note because this does become an important point later in the story), I’ve broken the touch barrier with what I’d say is friendly physical contact — light slaps on the shoulder/arm, light pushes, etc. The shit I usually do with my friends in a playful type of manner.

Keep in mind, at this point, he keeps saying “You can’t find someone on the apps, only friends” etc, etc, so I’m like… Cool. He wants to meet people and become friends, and I’m not opposed to that. I could do with more friends. And I’ve basically adapted the philosophy of “What happens, will happen” and I’m not going to try and force shit.

So now, here’s the thing: one thing I’ve been noticing during the first meet up and moreso throughout the second meet up, during our walks, he seemed pretty… Protective of me? I don’t know if that’s the right word but like… I’d complain about the sun shining in my face and he’d try to walk beside me to shield me from it. He’d grab me before I crash into things like the clumsy bitch I am. During the first meet up, he was quick to stop me from walking into oncoming traffic because I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he has quick reflexes, I’m not sure, but I do need someone to kinda check me on my shit sometimes HAHA.

Anyway, after the museum, we wander around the city for a bit, I buy some Gozleme for us to share (he just started his full time job and his paycheck doesn’t come until like, next week, so he was very thankful about me shouting him food).

After that, we couldn’t really think of anything else to do so I’m like, “Do you wanna go home and study?” and he’s like, “Nah, I will stay for a bit more. I don’t want you staying alone out here” even though I never suggested I’d be staying out there alone, but I was like, “…Okay”. I found that to be pretty sweet of him, ngl.

I kinda don’t want to go home either because well… I’m stuck at home a lot these days because I’m still jobless (hopefully that changes soon or so God help me, I’ve been applying and applying and I’m on the brink of losing my shit), when a sudden idea pops into my head. Before I know it, I’m suggesting we go to the movies, and I tell him we could watch Across the Spider-verse (I’ve watched it already but I wanted to watch it again, so might as well) and he’s like sure, because he didn’t wanna go home and study anyway, among other reasons.

So that works out for the both of us! It’s actually kinda funny that he agreed, because he didn’t watch the first one, but when I ask if he’s sure about this, he says, “Yeah I’m sure.”

(Funny side note: about a day ago, he suggested we watch the first one together on Disney+, via IG call this Saturday but I’m not sure if I’m free then so I’ll probably get back to him about that later.)

By then, it’s around 5pm? I buy the tickets for us (we get a discount for the cinema’s anniversary or whatever event’s going on, so I only had to pay 9 dollars for a ticket rather than 24 dollars so it’s a huge bargain. Again, he thanks me for that and I’m like — “it’s fine.”). The movie starts at 6:40pm, so we stay at the nearby Starbucks to wait for the movie to start. He shouts me hot chocolate, and he uses that hour to study for his cert because he brought his laptop with him.

This is where he starts returning the friendly gesture/touches. He hugs me as a way of thanking me for buying the movie tickets and for shouting him food; he pats me on the head and I’m sitting there like wtf; he keeps touching my knee with his hand — like, he would lightly shaking my knee and would let his hand linger there for a few seconds. And like, I’m fine with it, because again — those, in my definition, are friendly gestures, and I was already kind of doing that to him myself earlier on. And I’m feeling comfortable enough with him, so you know. I didn’t mind any of this. And I guess he’s pretty comfy with doing stuff like that, too.

So ANYWAYYYY, we carry on like this for the next hour. I’m pretty sure I’m distracting him from his studies but he still ends up getting something done, and then we head to the cinema once the time’s up. We sit down, the movie starts, and… It’s fine.

It’s all good. Nothing’s really happening, at least between us.

I lean my head on his shoulder like I do with my friends. I’ll be honest, I’ve been wanting to do this the whole day, so I’m like fuck it, why not?

I literally feel him pause for like a moment — like, he goes still.

So fucking still.

The first thought that pops into my mind is “this is uncomfy.” Turns out leaning your head on someone’s shoulder when you’re sitting in squishy ass cinema chairs isn’t exactly comfortable, so after like, not even a minute of doing that, I sit up properly and fix my posture. I decide to lean forward; elbows resting on my thighs, upper body leaning forward because that’s usually how I like to sit when leaning back into the seat isn’t doing me any good.

And uh… THIS is where something a little more significant happens — he kind of just wraps his arm around my waist and literally scoops me back into him (and in my head I’m literally like “so fucking close, holy sHITTTT LNKEFLEKWNFWKLNFKLEWNKLFEWN”), and tells me to rest my head on his shoulder, saying shit like, “Sitting like that isn’t good for your back.”

LIKE BITCH. HELLO?? THE AUDACITY WLKNFELWKFN. This isn’t my first rodeo, it’s happened before with another guy but THIS GOT ME FEELING MORE NERVOUS RATHER THAN UNCOMFY. Maybe uncomfortable because of the stupid seats but not uncomfortable because of what he’s doing, you feel me?

So I’m like… Okay? He has his arm still around my waist, quite tight I must say, and I’m just kinda awkwardly resting my head on his shoulder while his arm becomes a backrest for my back (which isn’t really that comfortable, to be honest), and it’s kinda just wedged between my seat and my back. And I can FEEL the sudden nervousness coursing through me, distracting me from the movie, so thank fuck I watched the movie by myself the first time around or I would have missed some parts of the movie (because this isn’t the only thing he does — there’s more).

Anyway, at one point, I slightly lean away from him because sitting like that isn’t very comfortable. He still has his arm around my waist, although it’s loosened a little by now.

The movie’s still running, I’m sort of in my own world, because all I’m thinking is SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT, when he kind of starts… rubbing his cheek against my shoulder?? That’s the best way I can describe it lmfao, and my fried writer brain isn’t HELPING.

AND I’M LIKE OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD and that’s when my heart starts beating erratically. LIKE BRUHHH. And then he asks, “Is this too much?” (or he asks “Is this okay?” but I can’t exactly remember which one it is so you’re just gonna have to believe it’s either of them) and ahahahahaAHAHAH…

My dumb fucking ass responds to that with an, “Uh, your arm around my back is a little uncomfortable.” BECAUSE IT’S TRUE, OKAY??? But I’m feeling too awkward to pull away AND I’M ALSO FEELING TOO AWKWARD TO MAKE MYSELF MORE COMFORTABLE BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN I’D HAVE TO LIKE… FIDGET AROUND AND SNUGGLE UP AGAINST HIM TO MAKE MYSELF COMFY AND MY CHICKEN ASS COULDN’T DO IT LKNFEWLKFNEK (even though I wANTED TO UGH. THIS IS THE PROBLEM. I WANTED TO DO THAT SHIT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME—)

So yeah anyway, aha… He kinda pulls away from me fully, and stays in his seat and doesn’t really lean over again.

And I’m thinking… Well. Nothing else is going to happen, I guess.

Cool.

I guess.

…WELLL, BOI WAS I FUCKING WRONGGGG HAAHAHAH.

Throughout the rest of the movie, he’d grab onto my arm during the more tense scenes; he’d link arms with me and pull me closer to him; he’d lean against me, head on my shoulder, and I’d just kinda… lean my head on his head at times LMFAOOO (returning the favour HA), and my heart was being a fucking asshole half of the time and beating a hole through my chest and I was like oh gODDDD PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HEAR THIS SHIT PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HEAR THIS SHITTT—

Anyway.

He’d pull away when I’m not reacting to his touch, but then he’d come back in for more. Sometimes I’d react by reciprocating, sometimes I won’t.

There is one point when I felt his fingers brushing against my knuckles while our arms are linked, and I’m ngl, when he was doing all of that stuff prior to this moment, I was thinking OH GODDDDD is he gonna hold my hand is he gonna hold my hand is he gonna hold my hand— AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY THOUGHTS KINDA CAME TRUE.

AND THE CRAZY THING IS: I WANT TO LET HIM HOLD MY HAND, but my hands are sweaty and disgusting because I’m feeling so fucking nervous for whatever reason, and so I just pull the fuck away before he could hold my hand LMFAOOO 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

AGAIN. Not my first rodeo. I’ve had another guy do this (the same dude I was talking about before) but in a much cringier way, and I was definitely not as comfortable with that dude than I was with THIS guy.

So uh. Yeah. That happens. He kinda leans away after that, and I’m thinking… Hm. He isn’t gonna initiate any more physical contact, is he? But nah. I was proven wrong on that department, once again. He’d grab my arm lightly at times, but I kinda just didn’t react by that point because I’m like…. UH. whAT IF HE TRIES THAT AGAIN AHHH.

Like, don’t get me wrong. I want to hold his hand but ALSOOO PALMS SWEATY KNEES SPAGHETTI FRRRRR.

But anyway, the movie comes to an end, we get the fuck outta there and I feel relief washing over me because JESUS, that was intense.

It’s like nearly 9pm at that point, we’ve spent a whole day together and I’m out here feeling a little flustered after all of that.

He starts apologising profusely, saying he’s sorry, etc, and I keep telling him it’s fine, he’s okay, he’s not a creep (he kept calling himself one). He’s like, “You told me about that guy who was being too much with you and I didn’t want you to think I’m like him” (it’s the other dude I talked about before — the one I felt uncomfy with). And I’m like, “You’re not like him, please don’t worry.” (Because for fucking one, while I was definitely nervous when he pulled me close to him in the first instance, I wasn’t like… uncomfy with it because of him. Like, I would honest to God have stayed like that and let him hold me if the cinema seats weren’t so uncomfortable for leaning against someone LMAO, but oFC HE’S NEVER GONNA KNOW THAT.)

So we walk out of the cinemas and onto the streets, and there’s this like… Performance going on, with a small crowd surrounding the performer. So, me being a curious little motherfucker, kinda beckons him over, saying, “Let’s go take a look,” and he agrees (side note: I’ve been noticing this guy is very agreeable. Like, I’d say “Let’s go into this store to check this thing out”, he’d be like “Sure” and tag along. When I go into these clothing stores, he would follow me into those stores instead of waiting outside, and when I see he’s tired I’m like, “You can sit down, you know?” but he would be like, “It’s fine,” and continues following me around. It’s kinda sweet ngl, but I do feel a little bad when he’s all huffed out and shit lmfaooo).

We linger there for a bit, trying to see what’s going on. Mind you, it’s cold; there’s a continuous breeze blowing against our backs, and he kinda just… Stands behind me (while complaining about how it’s freezing) and I didn’t think much of it then but now I’m like… Is that his way of keeping me from the cold OR AM I JUST IMAGINING THINGS?? AM I GOING FULL ON DELULU???

AND ANYWAY, we’re still there, watching, when he gets closer to me and leans his head on my shoulder and rubs his cheek against my shoulder. So I’M LIKE AKJBFEWJLBFJKFEJK, and I rest my head on his (i COULDN’T RESIST, OKAY???) and we kinda stay like that for a moment, and it feels so nice. Annnnnnd then I’m pulling away and suggesting we go home. It’s been a long day, and the night’s only getting colder.

So we make our way to the train station, he apologises more, I say it’s fine. We gotta get on different platforms to go home, and FOR A VEERRRRYY BRIEF MOMENT, I consider hugging him before we part ways BUT I DIDN’T. I FUCKING DIDN’T AND I WISH I DID, BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO.

I wanted to hug him is the problem here, and I’m not usually someone who wants to hug people, unless they’re family or close friends so like… BRUH.

I get on the train, and then I receive a message from him — and he’s apologising AGAIN for being a creep and I’m like bruh it’S FINEEEEE. YOU’RE FINEEE. OMGG. (Not like that, though. I was more using the standard “It’s fine, please don’t apologise”.) We text for a bit and then, mustering up all my shitty courage, I ask him, “Did you want to hold my hand at one point?”

His answer: “PRETEND YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT.” lkneafklefnklnwfe LMFAOOO, such a shy boi HAHA.

We’re kinda touching on the topic of boundaries, he’s telling me how he’s a physically affectionate person, so at one point I’m like, “Well, we can hold hands as friends, ya know?” Because these actions don’t have to be romantic. They can be platonic. Annnnnnd he agrees, and basically tells me, “Next time, hug me first. And you can hold my hand too, if you wanted to.” (I feel like a giddy high schooler typing all of this out LMFAO.)

SO YEAH. TO SUM IT UP, I’m in a dilemma because I can’t tell if he actually wants to be just friends (he kept stating that at the start, but his actions and body language are like… contradicting what he’s saying), or if he wants something more. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe he’s just a really, really affectionate and protective type of friend, and is like this with fuckin’ everyone.

I DON’T KNOW.

BUT ANYWAY. THAT’S ABOUT IT. He’s still dry over text, but he’s good to hang out with, and it seems like he wants to continue to hang out with me. Oh, and also, he also keeps sending me selfies of him lmfao.

And now idk how to feel because I kinda ended up reconnecting with long distant dude (it’s a long story lmfaooo, a lot of my prompt lists are made because of him) and like… I might have lingering feelings for him? BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT BE DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR THIS MIXED SIGNALS DUDE. OR MAYBE I’M TRIPPING??? LIKE I went into this thinking, “Oh, he’s probably gonna be someone I’m gonna meet up with once and that’d be it” BUT HERE WE ARE, WITH HIM SAYING HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS AND THEN PULLING SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEN MAKING MY HEART AND HEAD GO WNFLKEWNFKLENWFLKN—

THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!

And it’s only been such a short while tooooo OMGGG, and I understand it’s only the second time we’ve met up BUT JESUS.

I don’t know what to think or feel or do and I’m juST WLKNFEKN BECAUSE NOW HE’S THE ONE WHO’S GOT ME WAITING FOR HIS GODDAMN TEXTS LIKE A FUCKING DUMBASS UGHHH. And I already wanna see him again sooo… HOW FUCKED AM I AHAHHAHA FJSJSJJSJ (As that one song says: This is the part where I’m gonna get HURT, LMFAOOO.)

Though, to be FAIRRR, I did tell him briefly about long distant dude and he was like “awww, you guys are like soulmates” SO IM LIKE AHAHHA 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 (he did switch topics pretty abruptly when I tried to talk more about him lmfao, but he skips over shit pretty frequently so maybe that’s just how he is). Perhaps I am over thinking this AND MAYBE HE DOES WANNA BE FRIENDS ONLY but imma see how things progress 😃👍

Now, I’m going be serious for a second: he just got out of a two year relationship three months ago so MAYBE he’s craving physical connection which is why he was acting like that? So I could be completely wrong and he genuinely does want to be friends only so… Yeah. I’m gonna tread cautiously, despite everything I’ve said before. Like, I’m open to whatever happens, but I’m also not looking to get my feelings hurt again.

With that being said, we’re seeing the Barbie movie next week. It’s kinda funny because I did mention it when we met up last week, and he was groaning about it.

Earlier today, I messaged him and was like, “Imma buy tickets, did you want to come along or no?” (because if he didn’t want to come along, then I’ll just buy a ticket for myself and watch it myself, no biggie — but I also did kinda wanna see him again so I asked just in case LMAO) and he’s like, “I’ll go with you” with pretty much no hesitation.

Then, I’m out here making sure he’s okay with it because I didn’t want him to feel like he’s being forced to come along aND THEN HE FUCKING HITS ME WITH THE “I’ll do it for you”.

LIKE, BRUHHHH??? “I’ll do it for you.” BITCCHHHHHH, LET ME JUST CRY BECAUSE WHY CAN’T I HAVE A MAN WHO ISN’T GIVING ME MIXED SIGNALS LIKE THAT IN MY GODDAMN LIFE.

THE AUDACITTTTYYYYYY SLDKFNDWLKNFWKELFN AHHH.

And then he’s like, “I owe you a lot” since I’m the one buying the tickets again (like I said earlier, he just got a full time job and his paycheck doesn’t come until like next week so it’s whatever if I’m the one paying for us for now) and I’m like, “You don’t owe me anything, and it’s not like you wanted to watch the movie in the first place” and THEN HE’S ALL LIKE, “Yeah, but I wanted to accompany you” AND IT’S LIKE BRO???? HELLLLLOOOOOO????????

Like, talk about being accidentally smooth LMFAO.

He also has like, work that day, so him agreeing to accompany me just adds a layer of sweetness to this dhsjsjsj

And he started calling me by my nickname outta no where and I was like tf—

SO YEAH. DO FRIENDS DO THIS JFDFNDKLN. AM I TRIPPING. AM I OVERTHINKING???

And yeah, this is basically where things are at right now and I’ll probably provide another update later if anything significant happens, so you might see me popping up with something else in a reblog of this post lmfao :DDDDD

So… Yeah. Moral of story is: don’t go on dating apps or you’ll end up playing yourself like a goddamn fiddle.

(I also just realised I wrote a whole fic, basically, because I failed to be succinct lmao, I’m sorry and I’m gonna be so surprised if anyone reads the whole thing.)

TL;DR: Dude I met up with two times keeps giving me mixed signals. Says he wants to be friends, but his actions contradict his words. I’M CONFUSION. And might also be catching feelings but we’ll hold onto that thought for a bit because I think I still like someone else?? And maybe it's been too short of a time to be catching feelings in the first place. So yeah. Fun times.

#VERY LONG POST #personal #love life rambles

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yakumtsaki · 3 years ago

Photo

GUESS WHO’S HERE AGAIN. Seriously wtf is the wolf’s problem, why does he constantly show up in every lot except the one I want him to, GOD.

Anyway, let’s get this update rolling cause I wanna get back to the main house at some point, it’s unreal how much time I spent on the spares, I really didn’t expect them to be such a shitshow. We begin with Melody and Gunther, who remain shockingly, disgustingly happy:

I’m not kidding when I tell you guys that Gunther hasn’t rolled a single cheating want his entire time with Melody. Loyal king!

So Melody is in like her 100th LTW, she became a Mad Scientist while married to Daniel, then she became Hand of Poseidon-

-then she became a World Class Ballet Dancer (wtf lol)-

and finally she became an Ecological Guru! We stan a Renaissance Woman.

She also earned 100k without having it as an LTW, but whatever, it counts!

Melody also got to live her dog dreams as we adopted Lulu and she had 4 puppies with Benny..

..whom I named after painters since Gunther is an art ho:

This is Dali, Pollock, Frida, and Vincent! Unfortunately, as evidenced by Lucy Hanby’s presence, Gunther’s weeaboo house is not meant for this many pets, so we kept Frida and sent the other 3 to live with Angel and Wulf so we’ll be seeing them later (these dogs are the. WORST).

Finally, Gunther grows up in this iconic ‘leather blazer + boxers outfit’, when I tell you guys I lold for 5 min-

-and then Melody comes home from work, finishes her 5th LTW (I can’t remember what it was) and grows up in the same outfit! CUTE

And they lived happily ever after, ignoring their kids♡

We switch to Daniel, who’s.. uh.. not doing great. He had to get a job because it was Melody who was bringing in the big bux, and between that, taking care of JuJu and taking care of his 50 cats, he’s perma exhausted.

He’s also rolling depressing fears such as above, thankfully between his kid interactions and his cat interactions he’s always plat. I did change his LTW from Golden Anniversary to the Journalism one because honestly I don’t think he would remarry anytime soon, he’d be focused on JuJu plus he’s bound to have some trust issues :(

The blows just won’t stop coming, as Roux, the last of the original Komei cats, passes away💔 End of an era.

-So you see, June, sometimes a family is a Daddy and the kids in one house, and the Mommy in a different house with Uncle Gunther! -But why is Mommy with Uncle Gunther? -Beats me, honey.

Despite the traumatic divorce, JuJu remain absolute units, I can’t believe their skill points-

-and Daniel remains the best sim parent I’ve ever had, I can’t believe Victoria and Komei produced him.

Then at other times, I can believe the Komei part.

I just want him to be happy instead of talking to his trees :(

-Ok, Jul, so we agree that Dad needs a serious relationship yesterday? -Absolutely, Jun, before we know it he’ll go from talking to the tree to marrying it.

-Nana, we have a cunning plan to get Dad a girlfriend, I need you guys to help us make Lucy attractive to him!

-Aww how cute you are when you’re not SHITTING EVERYWHERE

-Lucy, I couldn’t help see you hugging Sisi! I didn’t know you were a cat person! -Beats those goddamn dogs at your brother and your wife’s place! I still can’t believe he dumped a star like Brittany, I mean she was in the Monty Farms Orange Soda commercial! -It’s been not great talking to you.

After Daniel flops with Lucy, who passes by BUT TARA KAT. OMGGGGGG. PLEASE GET ALONG PLEASE GET ALONG IT’S TOO PERF

Dan greets her and the first thing she does is admire him, AWWW

-Let me just tell you, Daniel, it’s a true honor to meet you, you’re a legend in the Crazy Cat Lady community!

Ya, that figures lol.

-NOW THAT’S SOME HOT AF CAT INTERACTION, TARA HAS IT GOING ON

We invited Tara over for a date the next day (after a much needed makeover) and things escalate..

..QUICKLY. I didn’t remember Tara is a family sim too, I thought she was knowledge, this is perf ♡

It’s JuJu’s birthday, which Melody shockingly attended, I legit thought she might not come-

-also in attendance, Sugar, with his face blurred out so we can do the big reveal of his teen face in the main house.

June is FUCKING ADORABLE. She looks so much like Melody from the front, but from the side..

..KOMEI NOSE. MY HEART

June celebrates her birthday by immediately kissing Sugar, who is.. her uncle Jojo’s grandson, so her cousin, once removed? If only we lived in the time period Sugar gets his clothes from, this would be fine, sorry Jun!

Julian grows up right after and is also INSANELY ADORABLE. The first thing he does is hug June, I cannot, just like when they were bebes♡

-Huggle? -Huggle huggle!

With the kids about to leave for college, Daniel married Tara-

-and promptly knocked her up! I didn’t want more kids but I felt bad for Tara because having a married family aspiration sim with no kids is borderline cruel. And how did Tara repay me for my kindness??

BY HAVING..

..FUCKING TWINS. DANIEL WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR SPERM. Anyway, welcome to the world, Cleo and Cecilia aka CC!

Daniel finished his Journalism LTW and got this insane bonus:

63K. GOOD LORD, DANIEL

When he’s not raking in the cash, Daniel as always enjoys living in the nursery.

Big surprise, the spawn of Daniel and Tara Kat won’t leave the cats alone.

We legit have so many cats now with Tara’s added three that the lot was flashing pink and JuJu had to fuck off to college early, but they’ll be living with Sophito and Sugar in the UUU Greek house so we’ll see them again soon!

And Daniel grows up!

-I think I did pretty well :)

You did great, baby! We just need to get you some grey eyebrows pronto.

And he lived happily..

..and lagilly ever after! :’)

#this got long af ill do brit in her own post #gen 3 #spare update #ts2

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taestefully-in-luv · 4 years ago

Text

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone’s ears.

“I’m just real babey.” She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face…it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

“No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

#bts #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #taehyung angst

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ye0ncore · 3 years ago

Text

it’ll always be you - yang jungwon

hello loves! i’ve really been missing writing so here i am trying to get more fics up for you guys. i have school, work and a sport to juggle so updates may be a lil slow but just bear with me lol. also, this fic took way too long to get together, my tumblr is fucking high. anyways, love you guys <33

>> pairing: jungwon x female reader

>> synopsis: you and jungwon have always been best friends. and that’s all you saw each other as. or so you thought. that was until you got an outside perspective.

>> rating and genre: pg, fluff

>> warnings: kissing scene, a few curse words,

>> word count: 1834

“so y/n, is there any special boy in your life right now,” your new friend daeji asked, a mischievous smile on her face. you giggled and shook your head at the question, the smile staying on your face. you had only met daeji a few days ago but you already loved her. she was a transfer student from another district and the both of you had gotten very close, very quickly.

both of you are still in the process of getting to know each other, hence why the question was asked in the first place. “what?! how is there not, i’ve never seen anyone as pretty as you. is there anyone you’re into, though,” she continued, making you smile once more at her kindness.

“no there’s not,” you confirmed, making her slump in her seat. you laughed once more, and as if on cue, jungwon walked up. daeji perked up at someone of the opposite gender walking up to you, a small smirk on her face. you had mentioned jungwon once, but only as a close friend. she had never actually met him, and she was not disappointed. you’re pretty, he’s pretty so why weren’t you dating?

“hey y/n,” he said, his eyes bright and his smile wide. you greeted him back and motioned for him to sit down, which he immediately did. he set his backpack down and his eyes landed on daeji. “who’s this, y/n?”

“oh, jungwon, this is daeji. she’s a transfer student and one of my new friends. daeji, this is jungwon, my closest friend at this school,” you said with a smile, it widening when you turned to jungwon. daeji smiled and waved, and glanced at you, noticing how close you and jungwon were sitting. ‘there’s no way they aren’t dating,’ she thought.

the three of you sat there for a while, speaking about anything that came to your heads. that was until jungwon had to go and meet up with jay. apparently they were partners for a project and needed to work on it. “alright, it was really nice to meet you, daeji. bye y/n,” he said, leaning down to give you a hug. you two hugged the same way you always did, your arms around his neck, his arms wrapping around your waist. he gave you a small smile before rushing off to find jay, leaving daeji awestruck.

you looked at her and laughed at the shocked look on her face. “what,” you asked, still giggling.

she looked at you like you were insane. “y/n who the fuck is that, and why aren’t you dating him?” now it was your turn to give her a weird look.

“jungwon? no no we’re not like that. he’s my best friend,” you assured her, but she clearly didn’t believe you. which was understandable.

“best friend my ass, y/n. you’re in love with each other and i can see it! the way you looked at each other… holy shit i’ve only ever seen that in movies.” did he really look at you like that? “and you look at him the same way! a few other guys have come up and talked to you within the past few days and you didn’t look at them anywhere near the same way you looked at jungwon.”

“i told you daeji, he’s my best friend. we’re not like that,” you said once more, but that doesn’t mean the thought didn’t creep into your brain. all she did was laugh and call you crazy once more, saying her final goodbyes to you for the day. you made your way home and you couldn’t help the fact that what daeji said was stuck in your head.

she had a point. you and jungwon were always close. you had been best friends since you were little, so he always had a special place in your heart. did jungwon really look at you the way she said he did? and did you look at him the same? you tried to shake off the thought. there’s no way it would work. but you still felt that little bit of hope.

the next day at school, you met up with jungwon like you always did. every morning, without fail, you and him always met up by your car so you could walk into the school together. when he walked up to you, you took notice of the way he looked. really took notice. he was wearing a black and white striped sweater, and black sweatpants, his hair a perfect mess atop his head. your breath got caught in your throat. he looked amazing. how have you never noticed this before?

oh who are you kidding. of course you noticed. you always noticed, you just never wanted to admit it. he walked up to you, a big smile on his face. you greeted each other the same way you always did, a hug and a small ‘hello.’ except, this hug was different. you hugged the same type of way, but it just felt different. he lightly squeezed you, making you laugh and the only thing going through your head was how badly you didn’t want to let go.

unfortunately, he did let go, and led the both of you into the school. you two walked in with huge smiles on your faces, daeji giving you two a smirk when she saw you. you walked up to daeji, jungwon glued to your side, daeji immediately taking notice. ‘the only people who don’t know how they feel about each other is each other, this is just sad,’ was exactly what was going through daeji’s head.

so when the first bell rang and you went off to your class, hugging jungwon goodbye, she decided she needed to do something. after you walked off, jungwon continued to watch you for a moment, not turning back until daeji pretended to clear her throat. after she did, he whipped his head back to her, acting like nothing had happened. all she did was give him a knowing look, and he visibly deflated. “why are you looking at me like that,” he asked, still playing dumb.

daeji simply scoffed. “you like her.” jungwon froze in his spot, immediately tried to deny it. “don’t even try to give me the whole ‘she’s my best friend’ thing, i hear it enough from her when she tries to deny her feelings for you.” jungwon’s heart dropped to the floor, as did his jaw. did he hear her right?

“i’m sorry, one more time. what???” daeji laughed at his reaction.

“you both are so oblivious. everyone can see the feelings you both have for each other, except the two of you,” she explained, jungwon still looking like a deer in headlights. he simply couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

daeji was right. jungwon had developed feelings for you a very long time ago. he had seen you at your best, when you turned 16 and got your drivers license. and he had seen you at your worst, when your first boyfriend broke your heart. he stuck with you through all of it because he loved you and he never wanted to be without you. did you really feel the same?

“go find her, jungwon. i’m tired of seeing the both of you pine after each other. even if i’ve only known you for a day.” jungwon only nodded, running in the direction you left in, frantically searching around to find you. then he remembered exactly where you would be. the art room. that was the class you had just gone too, and he knew the teacher. they were cool with each other and you and the teacher were also very close.

he rushed to the art room as fast as his feet would carry him, the only thing on his mind being you. when he finally arrived he pulled the door open and his eyes immediately locked with yours. you smiled softly at the sight of him, stopped what you were doing and walked up to him. “hey. what are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be in chemistry,” you asked, your tone soft and playful.

“uh….yeah i am supposed to be in chemistry… mrs. fleming might kill me, but there’s something i need to tell you, and i don’t know how much longer i was going to be able to wait,” he explained, his nerves building every second. you simply nodded, grabbed his hand and pulled you into the empty hallway. the small touch sent waves of electricity through you, bringing a wide smile to the both of your faces. if only you two knew what was about to go down.

“alright, here goes nothing. i was just talking to daeji and she called me out for staring at you…” his tone was soft and comforting, calming your nerves immediately. but as soon as the words left his mouth about daeji, you knew she had said something.

‘great, now he knows. he’s just gonna tell me he doesn’t see me like that. oh god let’s just get the rejection over with,’ was the only thing spinning through your mind. your mind didn’t even process that he said he got caught staring at you.

he seemed to notice your hesitation, but he knew he had to get this out in the open. “y/n i know this may be overwhelming and a lot to take in but i really need you to know how i feel.” he took a deep breath, and relaxed when you took his hand in yours.

“you can tell me anything, jungwon.” your calming voice was enough to give him the confidence to finally get the words out.

“alright so… y/n i really really really fucking like you. you’ve been there for me through absolutely everything and you’re genuinely the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. you make me so damn happy and i’m so thankful to have you in my life. whether that’s you as my friend or something more. i just wanted -”

you cut off his rambling by pressing your lips against his. you supposed he wasn’t expecting it because it took him a second to respond, but eventually he was kissing you back. one hand found it’s way to your waist and the other cupped your cheek. both of your arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling the both of you closer to one another. the kiss was soft and passionate, making it clear the both of you had been wanting this for a while.

when you finally pulled away, both of you were breathing heavier, but there were wide smiles on your faces. his hands stayed on your waist as he pulled you into a hug, you nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. “the feeling is mutual, jungwon.” you felt like you could hear him smile, him pulling you even closer if that even possible. “it’s always been you. it’ll always be you.”

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hangovercurse · 4 years ago

Text

Live from New York

You’re hosting SNL and get close with one of the cast members

Request: “hi! can you do something about pete where the reader is hosting snl and throughout the week they’re flirting with each other but she’s unsure if they should date and he convinces her? maybe a combo of fluff/angst/smut? it can be whatever :,)”

Pete x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I told myself I wasn’t going to take that long on this one and then I ended up watching an entire documentary on the making of an SNL episode because I wanted to be as accurate as possible… someone stop me pls

Word Count: 2834

Monday

Despite being a swiftly rising actress, you hated being the enter of attention. You’d always gotten anxious as a kid when a teacher made you stand in front of the class for presentations or during first-day introductions. So being front and center in a room of 30 people who were all there to study and try to impress you was not something you found pleasant.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke timidly to the crowded room, people clapping from their spots on the floor or various couches around the room, “it’s great to be here.”

Lorne cleared his throat, “alright, let’s start with you, Anna.”

You looked around the room as a young woman pitched the first sketch of the night, listening intently to her ideas while trying to match faces with the names Lorne had given you earlier. Then your eyes locked with a pair of deep brown ones, the man wearing a soft smile on his face. He radiated gentle energy despite the tattoos you could see running down his arms.

The pitches continued with an air of lightheartedness and fun. You found nearly everything funny, so you couldn’t even begin to imagine how you were going to cut any of the sketch pitches.

After a lull in ideas, Lorne announced that cast members could now pitch ideas for Weekend Update character appearances. The man you’d taken an interest in earlier, who you’d since learned was named Pete Davidson, pitched a new set of characters for you and him.

“You know those weird stoner kids in high school who were always hanging out in the parking lot and acted really weird and mysterious? Those characters who just give really vague answers to anything you ask and act like they’ve seen some shit when they have the most normal home lives.”

You giggled, knowing the exact kinds of kids he was talking about. Colin and Michael also chuckled, writing the idea down with some notes of their own. Soon after that, everyone went back to pitching regular sketches, Jost and Che pitching an unusual number of sketches featuring you and Pete.

After a few long hours, the session wrapped; everyone leaving the office space except for you and Lorne, “so, what did you think?”

You chuckled lightly, “you have some seriously talented people on this show, Mr. Michaels. I don’t understand how you guys write an entire show every week.”

“We all work very hard; I’ll tell you that. Now, talk to me. Anything you really liked or really hated?”

You shrugged, “you’re the comedy mastermind, I know nothing. But I thought that weird kids from high school bit was pretty funny.”

Lorne nodded, “So did Jost and Che it seems. Sometimes the kid has a good idea.” You giggled at his reference to Pete as “the kid.” He sighed, “anything else? I noticed you liked that proposal sketch.”

“Yeah, that one was super funny. I will say, I wasn’t too in love with the dad-teacher one, but I would have no problem with it being done with someone else as the daughter.”

Lorne and you spent the rest of the workday discussing the different sketch ideas that came up and gauging what type of comedy suited you best. Before you left, he introduced you to Donna, your dresser who would be helping you out throughout the week.

Tuesday

After a quick tour of the studio by Donna, you were given a list of cast members and writers who wanted to meet with you to get ideas about sketches. You first stepped into a small room with a desk and futon, Donna introducing you to Chloe Fineman and Celeste Yim.

Chloe smiled brightly at you, “okay, so we were thinking that we could do something where I bring you to a sleepover with some friends that you don’t know. But at some point, you try to go to sleep because you have a soccer tournament in the morning but everyone else is being loud and it turns into this big overdramatic argument.”

You giggled softly, “I love that!”

After writing with them for a while, you were whisked away to room after room, finally landing in Colin Jost and Michael Che’s office, where they were hunched over a computer with Pete.

Colin smiled at you, “hey Y/N, how’s your day been?”

“Busy, how are you guys?”

The men responded with variations of “good,” before Michael spoke, “I know it’s late, so don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you’re comfortable with.”

You shrugged, “what time is it? It doesn’t feel that late.”

Pete laughed, teasing Colin and Michael, “c’mon guys, don’t you know that the young people of New York don’t sleep?”

You giggled in agreement as Colin frowned, “I’m only 38, that’s not that old.”

“I’m only 26, Colin,” you said, laughing at the men.

Michael patted Colin on the shoulder, “Jost, we’re getting old.”

Colin frowned before clearing his throat, “anyways, we had a couple ideas for some sketches with you and Pete, if you’re up for it, and we wanted to hash out your weekend update appearance.”

You smiled and nodded, “yeah, that sounds great.”

The rest of the night (and into the early morning) was spent with the three men, eventually joined by Heidi Gardner and Kyle Mooney to work them into the scripts. A majority of the writing process was simply messing around with various sketch situations until someone found a joke that worked best.

Pete watched you carefully the entire night, doing everything in his power to make you laugh. You had no complaints, doing your best to not openly flirt with him in front of the rest of the cast (and failing quite miserably).

Wednesday

Wednesday was the designated day for the roundtable readthrough. You took a place between Pete and Lorne, who began the reading, “we’ve got 41 sketches so let’s get started.”

The table read was just like any other you’d been through; Lorne wasting no time between sketches to discuss or joke. You struggled with containing your laughter throughout the reading, trying to act professionally. It didn’t help that Pete was making jokes any chance he got, eliciting even more giggles from you.

The three hours seemed to take no time at all as sketch after sketch was read out loud. Every so often you would catch Lorne looking at you with an eyebrow raised, usually after you read one of the sketches with Pete.

After everyone was dismissed, you were led to Lorne’s office with the head writers and producers. There was a large wall covered in sticky notes with each sketch’s name written on one. Lorne turned to you, “what do you think?”

You scanned the wall, listing off some of the sketches that you really liked, though most of them were great, so you had trouble narrowing them down.

Lorne let out a small laugh, “you guys noticed how she picked out the sketches with Pete in them, too, right?”

Your face went hot, immediately turning to face the ground. Colin and Michael chuckled, “we noticed,” the latter commented.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Y/N, just wanted to point it out to you.” Lorne teased before turning back to the wall and thinking.

You giggled, “you guys suck.”

As embarrassed as you were, your anxiety was surprisingly low. You had been worried about hosting since you got the invite, but the cast and crew had been nothing but kind to you. Even just being able to make jokes like this with the writers made you feel oddly comforted.

You worked on narrowing down which sketches to keep for rehearsals and which ones were going to get cut immediately, a job that was very easy for Lorne but very difficult for you.

Eventually you got it down to enough sketches that Lorne was satisfied and he sent out the list to the cast. He led you out of his office, “you know, you have a real affinity for comedy,” he told you. “I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about sketch comedy, but from that read through you seem to know what you’re doing.”

You blushed slightly, thanking him, “we’ll see if you’re still saying that on Saturday.”

He chuckled, “have a good night.” You waved at him as you walked towards the exit, running into none other than Pete Davidson.

“Hey, you headed out?”

You smiled, “yeah, just got out of my meeting with Lorne. Did you get a chance to look at the revised sketch schedule?”

Pete nodded, walking with you to the door of the theater, “yeah, I noticed you kept a lot of our sketches in there,” he bumped your shoulder, a playful smirk on his face.

A giggle rolled from your lips, “what can I say? We’re funny together.”

He raised an eyebrow, watching as you flagged down your taxi, “whatever you say.”

“Are you complaining about having to work with me?” You asked, opening the door.

He chuckled, “oh yeah. I am just dreading tomorrow.” Sarcasm laced his words, making you laugh.

“Goodnight, Pete.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Thursday

Donna ushered you around all day, making sure you were in the rehearsal space when you needed to be and supporting you from the side. This part of the process came naturally to you, as it was the most similar to rehearsing and filming on movie sets.

When you weren’t rehearsing a scene, you were hanging out with Pete. It was strange how easily you got along, your humors aligning almost perfectly. Not to mention he was a huge flirt and was making it more and more obvious with you. You flirted right back, earning looks of amusement from Lorne throughout the day.

The day was a whirlwind, and by the time you were able to go home, you were exhausted. Pete walked you out to the street again, talking about one of the sketches that went wrong earlier until your taxi pulled up. This time he opened the door for you and helped you inside, “see you tomorrow.”

You smiled up at him, “bright and early.”

Friday

After hours of rehearsing, you plopped onto the couch in Pete’s dressing room, where you had found yourself a home over the past few days, “I don’t know how you guys do this every week. I’ve been here for four days and I’m exhausted.”

Pete chuckled, “to be fair, you’re the host. The key is to try and only get one sketch into the show so that you don’t have to do anything during the week.”

You laughed, letting a comfortable silence fall over you. Pete studied you, taking in your tired appearance, “you’re doing great though, being a host. I’ve seen some people come in and try to take control of everything and then no one has fun. You’re really good at just letting the comedy speak for itself. Not many people do that.”

Shrugging, you responded, “I mean, I’m not a comedian, I’m just an actor. You guys come up with everything. I don’t know enough to try and control things around here, I just do what I can to make your visions come to life. I figured that’s what a host should do.”

Pete nodded, “yeah, but again, a lot of people want their SNL episode to look a certain way. You don’t seem to care.”

“I just want to have fun, honestly.”

He smirked, “are you?”

You looked up to him with a smile on your face, “definitely.”

Suddenly the speaker in the room rang out, “Y/N and Pete to main stage 1.”

Groaning, you lifted yourself from the couch, Pete watching you with amusement, “c’mon Ms. Host, we’ve got a show to rehearse.”

Saturday

The day was hectic; filled with rehearsal after rehearsal. Lorne and Donna made sure that you were comfortable all day, but you could feel the stress radiating from every inch of the studio.

Stronger than that, though, was the sense of excitement buzzing around everyone. You were fit into more costumes than you could count, all leading up to the final dress rehearsal of the night in front of the live studio audience.

Dress ran smoothly, but you could see Lorne cutting lines from sketches from stage out of the corner of your eye. Luckily, Pete distracted you from all the anxious energy. “I know Lorne looks like a psychopath, but that’s just what he does. Everything’s fine, don’t stress about it,” he said over dinner.

You chuckled, “thanks. I feel so out of my league this week.”

“I told you, you’re great. Everyone here loves you. I heard Lorne talking about wanting you back as soon as possible.”

Rolling your eyes, you responded, “yeah right, I’m never gonna do anything big enough to get me on this show again.”

Pete laughed, “you could always make guest appearances with me on the Weekend Update.”

“You aren’t sick of me already?” you joked.

After dinner you were paraded around by Donna, who got you into your style for opening monologue. She smiled at you through your dressing room mirror, “how are you feeling?”

You gave her a nervous smile, “terrified, but ready.”

The lady chuckled, “you’ll do great. I’ll be right offstage if you need anything.”

“Thank you, for everything this week.”

She squeezed your shoulders, “don’t mention it, though if you really want to thank me, go ask that Davidson boy out on a date.”

Your eyes went wide, “Donna!”

A chuckle rang out through the room, “what? I say it for your own good.”

She led you through a maze of hallways and tunnels until you were in place to walk onstage, the speaker announcing your name to the audience followed by cheers.

Exactly 90 minutes later you were gathered with the cast on stage, “thank you to Fletcher, Lorne Michaels, this amazing cast and crew, and thank you all for watching. Goodnight everybody!”

You turned to Pete, who was standing beside you and let him pull you in for a hug, “you did it!” he cheered.

You passed around the cast, giving hugs to as many people as you can before Lorne announced, “that’s a wrap on Y/N Y/L/N and Fletcher!”

Everyone cheered, clapping for you and your musical guest before heading to their dressing rooms to change into their night clothes. You went back to your own dressing room, taking a moment to bask in the feeling of accomplishment.

A knock on your door pulled you out of your haze, “come in!”

Pete entered the room, a wide smile on his face, “congrats!” You let him pull you in for another hug, “so I know that there’s supposed to be this big party after the show, but I was wondering if you’d let me take you to dinner instead?”

Your breath got caught in your throat, those words being the last thing you expected to hear from him. Of course, you wanted to say yes because you did, truthfully, really like him. But part of you was hesitant.

You’d dated your fair share of celebrities, and things always ended very publicly and typically poorly. On top of that, you couldn’t help but feel that this might be happening a bit too quick. You started to doubt that he would still have feelings for you in a week since he wouldn’t be around you nearly all the time.

And then there was the issue of your insane work schedules. Having just lived through his, you weren’t sure if you would be able to keep a relationship like that.

“Pete, I think you’re amazing and I really like you, I just-“

Pete nodded his head, cutting you off, “I know we only met like a couple of das ago, but people go on dates with literal strangers all the time.”

You sighed, “it’s not that, Pete, it’s just that…” you paused, searching for words, “things like this tend to be very public with me, and I really don’t want to have a relationship where there’s all this pressure by the media to be perfect.”

He shrugged, “I get that, but it’s just dinner. And we can go somewhere quiet and private, no one has to know. And if things go further then we’ll just keep it on the down low until you’re ready. Trust me, I know what a public relationship is like, I’m not a huge fan either.”

“Yeah, but what about your work schedule. I mean, I’ve only lived in your world for six days and I want to sleep for a month. How do you even hold a relationship on this schedule?”

Pete moved closer to you, fingers grazing your arm, “we can make it work. I promise. Just give me one date, and if it’s not the best first date of your life, you have no further obligations to me.”

You giggled lightly, leaning into his touch, “I’m only saying yes because you’re kinda cute.”

He smiled down at you, eyes twinkling, I’ll take it.”

#pete davidson #pete davidson imagine #pete davidson x reader #pete davidson fluff #snl

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spidxysense · 3 years ago

Text

Back to You | 14

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader x Timothee Chalamet

A/N: Yay I updated! I hope you guys like this one, I was stuck for a bit there but once I sat down and got to typing, I really finished it in one sitting. I was just planning on updating it bit by bit lol. Let me know what you guys think, Love you!!!!!!

Word count: 2,591

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

In a few short months of your movie premier with Timothee, you were finally able to release your double-release album, and the response was massive, to say the least. You'd been getting calls from different show hosts' upcoming awarding ceremonies. Still, you couldn't for life in you accept, all except for the Oscars, which your manager told you was a must since you'd be attending in the first place anyway and that performing at the Oscars was a big deal given that you also starred in films and shows.

You turned in bed, facing Timothee's sleeping face. He had been in town for a week now, back on a break from filming in Hungary. Then he'd be back to film in England in a couple of weeks. After your talk on your premiere night, it was to an agreement that whatever you had going on was just two people exploring and experiencing things with someone they had strong feelings for. There wasn't a need for a media circus to cover anything about you two except your movie.

You move his arm, placed it over your waist, and sit up slowly in bed, making sure not to stir Timothee. The jetlag must be shit. You stretched your arms in front of you, glancing at the clock that read 2:07 AM. You get up, grabbing Timothee's white shirt from the floor, and, putting it on, walking over to the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, touching some of the reddening parts of your neck courtesy of Timothee, and then you notice the toothbrushes… there were two. From this single thing alone, it had you catching everything about the bathroom, how there were two towels, one black, and one violet, which just so happened to be your favorite color.

You walked over to the nightstand beside the bed, putting on your skinny jeans, turning on the lamp, and noticing his wallet. Inside was a picture of you. Opening the closet doors, the ones hung up were various suits, jackets, and even dresses you've worn to events. Why didn't he just send these back? Why would he let you keep your stuff in his house?

You drag your feet downstairs, noticing small details you'd been blind to before, like the large dog bed positioned by the door despite Timothee telling you he could only ever get himself to take care of a tiny dog. You noticed the colored mugs and bowls, a deep dull navy blue color, the same as the ones in your house. Suddenly, everything feels as if it's moving too fast. You both agreed there was no relationship, and there was attraction, but why does his home feel like it's become yours as well?

You sit down, taking a few deep breaths before deciding to stand up and grab your cardigan from the coathanger, opening the front door and closing it behind you as you waited for a taxi to bring you to the more active part of the city at night.

You just couldn't deal with a relationship right now. You couldn't let your heart get broken again, so you have to find ways to distract yourself.

The car stops in front of you, driving off into the night and dropping you off by a club that Troye agreed to meet you at.

You and Timothee had an attraction, but you both agreed there was no label; ergo, there was no intimate relationship even though you both have done everything together. No boyfriend means you were free to do whatever you wanted without worrying about him. But if you were honest with yourself, this was more of you suggesting something you already knew Timothee wasn't too keen on agreeing with but would just because he thought that having something with you was better than absolutely nothing. You saw Troye waiting out by the back entrance for you when he spotted you and called you over. Almost like clockwork, every time you snuck out away from Timothee, everything in you screamed to turn back, to clear your head, and for the first time, you listened.

You motioned for Troye to go ahead and sent him a text that you'd probably just head home because you weren't feeling well. He gave you a knowing look before looking like he finally approved of your actions and sent you a quick and short 'Good." text, and headed inside.

You walked around for a while after that. Soon it was already just about 5 in the morning, and even though you wouldn't let yourself come to any conclusion as to what you even wanted out of this almost relationship with Timothee, you still found yourself back at his front door.

You took out the keys in your pocket, slowly opening the door only to find Timothee sat on the couch, his knees up to his chest as he stared off into space, either deep in thought or trying to keep himself awake… maybe even both.

When he saw you enter, a soft smile formed on his face, and for some reason, that made you smile too.

"Hey, you." He spoke softly.

You sat down quietly next to him, instantly he set his feet on the ground and reached over to embrace you in a hug, the familiar scent of Timothee that never left you that evening even more evident… It felt and smelled familiar, and right now, while your mind was a mess, familiarity was what you needed.

Timothee lifted his head, worried, "Hey, are you alright?"

You sighed, "I don't want to hurt you."

He murmured quietly into your neck as he peppered kisses, "You could never."

You pulled away, feeling guilt in your bones, "Aren't you even a little bit frustrated that we've been like this for months? That even in private, we can't even say that we're in a relationship?"

You gave you a reassuring look, "We both wanted this Y/N."

You sat up, "Except we didn't… You didn't." You corrected yourself, "You're bringing your mother to the fucking Oscars next month because I told you we couldn't be seen together at carpets for Pete's sake."

You stood up, starting to pace back and forth, "We have to coordinate outfits for the sake of not matching, and we never go out because I can't be seen with you in fear that we're going to get found out. I'm a terrible fucking person, and I don't understand how you're so okay with this."

Timothee was grinning, sleep still in his eyes, "I'm okay with it because I love you, Y/N."

You froze in your spot, "You what?"

He nodded and got up, walking over to you. The blue light of the early morning peaking through the curtain made this moment feel and look ethereal, "I said I love you, Y/N. I've known that I loved you from the moment I met you." He kissed the top of your head as he embraced you.

You shook your head, "No, no, no, you don't. I'll even list more shit I've done to you just so you understand how and why you don't love me."

Timothee chuckled, "And yet despite all this... all that's registering in my head is the fact that you've been thinking of me and only me this whole time. You've been worried about how you're hurting me because you don't want to."

And that's when you realized that Timothee was right. This whole time you've been thinking of Timothee and how much you wanted to protect him from you, but he never wanted to be protected from you because he knew that you could never hurt him. You rested your forehead against his.

"I-I need to go. I need to think."

He smiled sadly, "I'll be here when you're ready. I'll always be here Y/N until you don't want me to be here anymore."

-----------------------------------------------------------

You sat in your house, since leaving Timothee's earlier, you had been sat there lost in thought as you argued with yourself. It was true, the last thing you wanted was to hurt Timothee, but you were confused because it's like you couldn't understand your feelings. After all, a particular person still held a large part of it in his hands.

Timothee was there for you. Late night at the recording studio, whether through being there physically or even calling you or skyping you, he was always there. He was there with you when you bought all your albums from Target, and he was also the one who insisted you find another target that hasn't sold out your CDs so he could buy all of them too. Timothee was there with you when you had interviews that you almost felt like you could puke from nervousness backstage as he watched you talk about another celebrity you were getting linked to, and he was there with you to giggle about how stupid talk shows were. Timothee was always there. Whether it was dancing, kissing, or even fighting in the rain, he was always with you. He always wanted you around. Even when you rode the subway to get to a press conference of his or a promo for his upcoming movie, he always wanted you with him. He'd run with you in the rain, and he'd kiss away the sadness when you didn't want to speak with him. He was there with you when you get the sudden urge to buy all the popsicles from the nearest whole foods, and he was there with you when you got sick with the flu, which he also got from you. You'd spend afternoons walking around a far-off hill as you two put flowers in your hair despite knowing that you two probably had your busy schedules. Nothing mattered when you were with Timothee. Nothing mattered except each other. A part of you felt hurt that these memories you had kept of you and Tom were slowly being replaced by everything Timothee, but a large part of you also knew that the person you have now had no doubt that you couldn't ignore your feelings. You couldn't have to take Timothee out of your life.

Making up your mind, you got up, got dressed, and left for where you were sure you would find Tom.

He was in the middle of filming a new movie, but the second he saw you, he immediately asked to stop filming, a familiar, loving face plastered on as he walked over to you before being stopped by the director. They looked to be having a bit of a disagreement before he pointed you out, and the director looked at you in realization, patting him on the back and allowing him to jog over to you.

"Hey." You paused, your hand grasping your arm, and Tom took notice right away.

His eyebrows furrowed, "Hey, what's wrong?" He pulls you to sit by the curb as you two sat side by side, "You only do that when you're having a hard time saying something."

You gave him a look, "Well… I came here to ask you if it was alright if I try things out with Timothee."

He looked taken aback, "Oh, well, honestly, I thought you came by to sort things out between us…." He took notice of the way you looked down in guilt, "I don't think you could do anything with another guy that wouldn't upset me… but I don't really get that prerogative anymore, Y/N." He sighed, wrapping an arm around you to comfort you, "The fact is, you're trying to grow into who you've always wanted to be, and I'm trying to do that too for the sake of us and what we could be. If that means that you need or want to date someone again, I'll fully support you, but the most important thing is, does he make you happy?"

You sighed, looking out onto the filming lot, and nodded slowly, not noticing the slight upset look on Tom's face, "I catch myself sometimes smiling to myself when I think of him… But it's like I can't do anything because I don't want to let go of what we had."

Tom took a gulp, deciding that what was important right now was you, more than what he wanted, "What we had and what we were isn't important anymore Y/N. I'm working towards what we could become. What we had was co-dependency and a constant need to be in each other's presence to prove that what we had was perfect. I want us to find each other again in the future and know that no matter how far apart we are, if hopefully, we get together again, there is nobody in this world we'll love more… and that's what I'm encouraging you to do. I want to grow with you and grow for each other, and if that means you dating other people to understand yourself more, then I support you."

You looked at Tom for a second before hugging him and pecking him on the cheek, "I really needed that, Tom. Thank you."

He hugged you tighter, "Anytime. I'll always be here for you, Y/N."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You gripped your seat in the car in pure nerves. You were on your way to the Oscars with your assistant constantly telling you about your performance and what not to mess up and things to remember, especially about reporters who wanted an interview with you. To say you were all nerves today was an understatement. You hadn't spoken to Timothee ever since you told him you needed time to think, so today would be the first time you would ever come face to face with him. You thought long and hard about everything between the two of you. Still, you think you're finally ready to actually put some time and effort into this… and if that meant doing things that would significantly make Timothee happy, then you'd do it.

Your assistant watched a live feed from the Oscars as she gave you updates on how Armie was on the carpet. Saoirse was on the carpet, talking about how she hoped to make a movie with you and various other stars. You were a few minutes away from the carpet when she spoke up again.

"Timothee has just arrived." then she looked at her phone and back at you, doing a double-take as you gave her a sheepish smile, all she could do was smile approvingly at you before going back to giving you live updates.

A few minutes later, and your heart didn't feel like it was going to slow down anytime soon as your assistant gave you a pep talk, "Y/N. You are gonna rock that carpet, you'll turn heads, and most importantly, you're gonna be the talk of the night. There is nothing that could go wrong tonight. Just take deep breaths and don't trip."

Luckily you were still coherent enough to understand what she said as you took deep breaths to calm your nerves.

"Alright, three… two… one." The door flew open as one of the large men in suits grabbed your hand and helped you out. Your dress was not providing you much flexibility to move, and for almost 15 seconds, it felt like everything was moving in slow motion as everyone was quiet. You found Timothee busy with an interview as the crowd looked from you to him, the topic on everyone's minds for the past few months. As if this were the only proof they needed, they held their cameras in their hands as they snapped pictures of you and a commotion started as they started asking for Timothee.

You think you gave them a quick, charming grin as you told them he was in an interview before walking towards the interviewer and Timothee. She was the first to notice while Timothee talked about how his mom stood him up as his Oscars date, something you arranged a week earlier and something Timothee's mom was more than happy to comply to.

The interviewer looks ecstatic as the only one and the first one on this carpet to get whatever the scoop was here, as she wasted no time when you slowly approached them, "Timothee! You said you were stood up, but you never told us that your backup would be late!"

Timothee shot her a confused look before he felt your arm slowly snake around his arm, "Sorry I'm late." You quickly whispered to him.

His face looked shocked. Almost as if a reflex, he almost pulled away from you before getting a good look at what you were wearing. His jaw looked like it would drop to the floor as he looked utterly awestruck.

The interviewer giggled nervously, already knowing her interview time was slowly coming to an end without any payoff to the two of you, "Timothee, you look to be speechless at Y/N's dress tonight." She looked at you hopefully, "Could everyone here assume this is date night?"

You smiled shyly at the lady before giving her a tiny curt nod, "I know it's a bit cliche to match outfits, but when I saw that Timothee was going to wear a harness, I just couldn't let him take all the attention for tonight, so I apologize, but I've kept this secret from him too just to make sure he doesn't do anything to take the spotlight, that's why he looks like he's just had a heart attack." you giggled.

He gave a quick, playful tilted look to you before blinking multiple times, "In my defense, I didn't even know that this was a harness... They told me this was a bib."

"Bib or not, you two look like the sexiest couple on the carpet, and I just so happen to be the luckiest interviewer tonight." The interviewer looked ecstatic as can be as she jumps up, more energetic to interview the two of you, "And well, Y/N, one look at you, and it's hard to believe anyone would still have the ability to speak. You look gorgeous." She winked at the camera, "But I can't help but notice you just confirmed this is date night… Is it safe to assume what everyone has been wondering for the past few months? That you two are dating?"

Somehow, Timothee finally snaps out of it and looks at you, a questioning look before you leaned over and spoke into the mic, "Yeah. We're together. We have been for a while now." You smiled sheepishly as you saw Timothee's face glow as he wrapped his arm around your waist, "I apologize for keeping quiet for so long, but we think it's the right time to go public now that we've decided to take things to a more serious level."

The interviewer waves a hand in the air, "As long as you two let us in on the secret, there's no problem there." She faced the camera, "You heard it here first, folks. Hollywood's newest and hottest up and coming power couple. From both Y/N and Timothee themselves, now going public with their relationship."

As you two walked away from the interviewer for more pictures, Timothee embraced you, uncaring of the cameras flashing in your faces, "Are you serious?"

You nodded slowly, "I'm ready to be with you completely, Timothee. I'm sorry I took so long."

He shook his head like a puppy, "As long as you're here with me now, Y/N, I don't care."

He pulled away at the sound of your name and his in the same sentence as the photographers asked for your attention. He quickly kisses you on the cheek as you shut your eyes and grinned, cameras going off and commotion started up at you two, the young hot couple everyone had wanted more details on.

Timothee clutched your waist tightly, almost like he was afraid that if he let go, this would all go back to how everything was before.

Before entering the venue, he pulled you to the side, "Are you sure about this? I don't want you to force yourself."

You shook your head, guiding his head to yours, "I think I'm in love with you too, Timothee. I'm all in with you." And then you kissed him.

#Timothee Chalamet #timmy #selena gomez #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom x reader #timothee chalamet fanfic #timothee x reader #bty #back to you #i finally updated #im so sorry i took so long #thank you for being so patient and always supporting my page #spidxysense

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kinktae · 3 years ago

Note

(Hope this ask catches your attention lol)

OK so lil story, I sent in an asked to another author about one of the plot points in their fanfiction because it just was not making sense to me and they answer back in a really rude way, after I sent them another ass saying oh “I wasn’t trying to be rude, like this is just a genuine question. I’m sorry if it sounded rude” and they proceeded to call me a couple of a…… gross names and said if I “wasn’t smart enough to read fanfiction then don’t do it.” This made me feel a little insecure because not that anyone would/needs to know but I have a learning disability which affects how I read. So this kind of thing is lowkey a fear of mine. not that they would have any way of knowing this, so I don’t fault them for that but it’s just one of those things if you know what I mean. (Also they were getting flack for being rude so they deleted it which kind of made me feel better that people were not just shitting on me, even when some people were agreeing with the writer)

!!ANYWAY MY POINT IS!!

I’ve been reading your stuff since 2018 and I have sent and asks of all kinds including asking you different questions or talking about your story etc. and I just have to say you are genuinely one of the sweetest writers! You never get annoyed when people ask questions, you’re never rude unless someone is being rude to you, and your writing is so good I have never read a piece of yours that I haven’t been in love with. Your blog is really comforting and I just want you to know that like I appreciate your work so much!!!! i’ve never had the courage to come off of anonymous and I don’t think I would with this one, but if I ever were to come off anonymous it will definitely be on your blog because I know this is a safe space, not just for different opinions about BTS but just in general. So basically I just wanted you to know that I’m so happy I found your blog. I really hope you continue writing and doing this so long as it makes you happy, I know as I’m sure many people can agree with me that if you no longer enjoy this I wouldn’t want you to force it just because you have a platform. I hope you’re having a great day Rose and please continue to be the positive person that you are -✨🤍

First of all let me just say my heart actually BREAKS to see you have an interaction with a fellow content creator like that. What the FUCK. I’ve been pretty vocal about this from the start of my blog… I disagree with A LOT of authors on how they speak to their anons. There are several authors on this platform that I refuse to support solely because of the way they speak to the people that support them.

What I’m about to say is not a popular opinion…. I know this…. I know what it’s like to be hounded for updates or have an anon come across with a possibly malicious tone… and I know the hurt that comes from it. But what I’ve harped back then and still now is that I’d rather be kind to someone who has bad intentions, than be cruel to someone with good ones. Not everyone reads every one of ur previous asks. Not everyone even knows to check ur faq. Not everyone knows how to properly communicate their tone through text. So to berate and bully them when they took the time out of ur day to read ur content and reach out to communicate… well it just doesn’t sit right with me.

I’m seen some real bullshit in my days on this site. I’ve literally seen and author say “lol I can write something less than 2k and have my followers begging me for a sequel.” I’ve seen people call their readers names. It’s as if people lose touch with the fact that without their readers, they HAVE no platform. Bonkers.

(KEEP IN MIND IM NOT REFERRING TO ACTUAL HATE ANONS. Fellow authors, YOURE absolutely in ur right to tear them a new one if an anon is being disrespectful and objectively cruel!!)

At the end of the day, everyone is allowed to run their blog how they please, and everyone is allowed to express their frustration how they seem fit, especially when it comes to something as personal as their creative content, but the way that author treated you was unkind and I’m so sorry you underwent that. I hope you can trust that not every ff writer is like that, and can see that many of us are truly grateful for the readers we DO have, no matter the quantity.

You guys are half of the reason I pour my heart into my fics, in hopes that it will resonate with you and perhaps offer a piece of solace or comfort. Yes I started writing and continue to because I love the means of expression it offers, but it was you guys that gave the words I wrote meaning. It was you guys that found reassurance in the bits and pieces of myself that I put into all my characters. This blog is truly my happy place. And you guys are my people. I love you guys and I love you anon. Thank you for sticking around ❤️

#ask #I got sappy and emotional I BLME MY PERIOD #I also just want to again express hate anons are INEXCUSABLE and authors shouldn’t have to endure that #just to cover my bases #also I rly FUCKINF hate those posts that call readers who only like posts ungrateful and selfish #yes I’ve seen posts with that exact phrases #fuck those posts

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stellocchia · 4 years ago

Text

This is part 4 of the Comprehensive Analysis of c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship during the Exile Arc

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

We’re here once more just to suffer... though be fair I did decide to do this to myself, so I can’t really complain there...

As always under the cut we will be exclusively be talking about the characters unless stated otherwise and we will be talking about some serious topics, so keep that in mind

We’re starting this off with the infamous Beach Party stream: Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream

Now, quick introduction to this vod, since we find out about some details later on: no-one, aside from Dream, shows up because Dream destroyed the invitations and also Ghostbur won’t be around any longer because Dream sent him away (knowing fully well that that could have killed him since he already heard directly from Ghostbur that rain melted him).

Basically at this point Dream is taking a step further into the manipulation process by not only making everyone else believe that Tommy didn’t want to see them but by also physically ensure they’d believe that. Also Tommy doesn’t start this one drowning either (perhaps because he was in high spirits the day prior?)

*creeper blows up* “Shit shit shit shit (...) I’m stupid I’m stupid I deserve that I deserve that. No no no no I didn’t I didn’t, today is gonna be a good day, today is gonna be a big day” (first response to anything negative has become taking on the blame, which we see later on with the Community House situation)

“Will Tubbo be there? Maybe! Myabe he will! Maybe he will!” (Tommy still very much missing his best friend)

“He [Tubbo] did boot me out... no no! you know what? I’m in the mood to reconcile!” (a big trait of Tommy’s has always been his loyalty to people, no matter how much they hurt him)

“It was definitely 8 pm GMT, 8 pm G-” *Dream joins the game* *Tommy pauses for a few moments on the Nether bridge completely still and then turns back* (I want to point out that the reaction any time Dream joined was one of absolute fear, for good reasons of course)

One thing that I’ve noticed is that Dream rarely comes from the Nether when visiting Tommy, opting instead for the objectively longer route through the water, which honestly seems to reinforce something he said early on, which was basically that even with the longer route it doesn’t take much effort to visit, and yet Dream is the only one willing to make that effort.

“Hello!” “H-hello?” “Hi!” “Hi ho-” “Where is everyone else?” “Oh... I don’t- I don’t know...” “I’m running a little late, I’m sorry”

Considering that we know that Dream was in fact the one who sabotaged the invites, therefore meaning he knew fully well that nobody would be there, does the fact that he came late seem like he really wanted Tommy to stew in his own loneliness for a while to anyone else? You know, to properly break his spirit. Also Tommy immediately after this goes to take off his armour (Tommy Slippers included) and weapons, but this is the one time Dream lets him keep it (which, once again, he’ll use as a point against him later on).

“Wilbur sent out the invites, didn’t he?” “Yeah, yeah no he sent them to everybody. He actually told Tubbo to his- like, he told him, he didn’t even need to give him an invite” “Really?!” “Yeah” (just want to point out that this is in fact not gaslighting, as some people seemed to think at the time, but it is still manipulation)

“I’m sure they said they’d be here by the day-” *watching the sun go down* “Time...” “I- I thought I was late so I’m surprised people aren’t here, but...” (turns out Dream was around 15 minutes late supposedly)

Tommy at this point takes out the cake, but he doesn’t eat any. I do think this is a good time to point out that the further we are into the exile the less we actually see Tommy eating (sometimes he straight up throws away any food he has in the inventory). He also sleeps less and less (or, at least, rests less, after all sleeping doesn’t necessarily mean being well rested afterwards) which we can deduce both from his comments on the subject and his rapidly deteriorating state.

“Dream, no-one’s here” “I don’t know why... guess I’m most surprised Tubbo isn’t ‘cause he said he was gonna be, but-” (once again harping on to the retoric that Tubbo specifically willingly abandoned Tommy)

“I figured, I mean I figured you’d probably care the least if I was here so I just- I didn’t mind being a little bit late because everyone else would be here, but...” (once again the idea here is: “even if I was late I still came, no-one else did”)

“No-one cares about me anymore!” “That’s not true...” “No-one cares about me!” *Tommy takes his armour off again* “Tommy...” “No-one cares- no-one cares about me!” *Tommy destroys the rest of the cake* “No no no *sigh*” “No-one cares, do they? No-one showed up to my party... and it was the one thing, THE ONE THING they had to do for me after exiling me and fucking me over and not one of them came with me. And... none of them care about me anymore... ‘cause I’m not in L’manburg anymore, ‘cause I’m not with- ‘cause I’m not the vice-president”

Okay, that was a long quote, but 2 things I want to point out here: Tommy had about half of his health here, he refused to eat, take of his armour and marched towards the Nether, which is again him acting with no regard for his own self-preservation. And also there is a bit of Wilbur retoric sprinkled in there, with the whole “people only care about you when you have power” mentality. That’s exactly what Wilbur tried to convince him of in the Pogtopia era and it looks like he’s seeing a confirmation of this through the party.

“If no-one is gonna put in any effort to come and see me, than I’ll make the effort harder to come and see me then, alright?”

At this point Tommy has borrowed Dream’s netherite pickaxe and he proceeds to destroy a chunk of the bridge he’s made in the Nether, swapping it out for a one block wide wooden bridge. Of course, it goes without saying that he is not acting rationally, he is hurt and angry at the moment and he wants to convince himself that if others don’t care about him then he won’t care about them, which is why he starts lashing out more after this. And this is the result of Dream’s direct actions by the way.

“What is everyone saying about Tubbo’s compass? What is that? What is it? Explain to me” “I- uh I’m pretty sure that he burned it or something... or he lost it, something like that” “Wha...?” “He doesn’t have it anymore”

Tommy, up until now, didn’t even fully believed that Tubbo had a compass, but with the official confirmation of it being paired with Tubbo possibly willingly burn it, it’s the last straw for Tommy who decides to do the same. Though he doesn’t end up actually burning it, he does goes to take it out of the enderchest and bring it to the Nether. I do want to point out that Tubbo did not, in fact, either loose it or burn it willingly. It was blown up by accident in a creeper explosion.

*Tommy holding his compass over a sea of lava* “He burnt it? On purpose?” “I- I think so” “You know what, wou know what? Y- you know what?!” “Why don’t you- why don’t you sleep on it Tommy? Just wait don’t do anything, you know? Anything you can’t take back and then...” “I don’t sleep anymore Dream...”

Pretty sad scene... also a confirmation of what we said before about Tommy sleeping less and less. Also I’m not entirely sure why Dream was suddenly against Tommy burning the compass when he didn’t seem to be at the start, though it could be because Tommy was so obviously hesitant about it, so he probably wouldn’t have done it either way. Which means that it was a good moment to get friendship points.

*Tommy standing in front of the portal in the main Nether hub* “I just want to go home... please can I go home...?” “Uhm, do you wanna see the Christmas tree for, like, 10 seconds?” “Can I stay?” “You can’t stay, but you can go look at it, I’ll let you out-” “Why can’t I stay?” “It’s not like they want you anyway Tommy” “wha...?” “Tommy, no-one showed up to your party and everyone was invited. Do you want to see the Christmas tree?” “I’ll just go back...”

This is the one single scene that is capable of making me emotional every single time. Just Tommy’s broken and small voice throughout it is something else... also Dream’s absolutely smug tone in all of it. But, the one thing, aside from the great acting, that I want to point out in all of this is how the reason for why Tommy can’t go back now has shifted from Dream killing him if he does to his old friends not wanting him around any longer. This way Dream gets to fully play the part of the magnanimous friend who still cares while everyone else is depicted as the enemy. Also I do find it interesting that in this scene Dream keeps insisting quite a bit for Tommy to go see the tree (in contrast to the first time where he refused for him to go back even for a few seconds), which almost looks like him testing how effective his conditioning was.

“That guy is gonna kill me, the little guy” *pointing at a baby piglin* “Oh” *Dream proceeds to get rid of it* (Tommy is by now basically dependent on Dream for his own safety)

“Do you need food?” “*sigh* No” (Tommy is literally on 3 hearts with 3 1/2 hunger bars and he is still refusing to eat)

They spend quite a bit of time after this by playing with Dream’s riptide trident and later also with the throwing one. Also Tommy changes his “girlfriend” hot girl for HOTTER girl (because I know you all deeply care for this kind of updates)

“I actually didn’t have a trident before and it took forever to come here, so I got a trident to come here quickly” “Oh thank you! You obviously care about me Dream” (Tommy feeling compelled to thank Dream for literally anything paired with Dream constantly showing off how much effort he is willing to put in)

“Let’s make a guest tent, let’s make a guest tent!” “That’s a... great idea” “In case any guest wanna- I mean maybe even- maybe you- we’ll make it here. It- it needs to be close to me because I’m- I’m really missing contact” (on top of everything else, Tommy was also canonically touch starved)

Dream and Tommy also make a guest tent together (and it’s implied a few times that maybe Dream will use it) before playing with tridents a bit more when it starts raining. Also Tommy builds a cobblestone smartphone were he keeps snapchat streaks with girls (this goes in the list of sentences I never thought I’d type).

“Hey thanks for letting me keep my armour today” “You’re welcome” “It was nice of you” “I just thought it’d be good for the party and everything” “I’m sorry it wasn’t that much of a party in the end” “Eh, we make it a party together, so” “Yeah”

So, once more I want to point out a couple of things: there is no reason, aside from Dream’s conditioning, for Tommy to feel grateful that Dream didn’t take away his means to defend himself, nor is there any reason for Tommy to be the one apologizing for the party turning out the way it did. But also one other thing I want to point out is Dream’s insistence over them having fun together, which he keeps saying even later on during the prison visits. And I want to point that out because I do really think that Dream believes that or that he, at the very least, does try to convince himself of it. I’m still not entirely sure on that point, but, by now, I’m fairly sure that Dream really does believe that him and Tommy are his warped and toxic version of what “friends” would be...

“I should have died and then- and then I didn’t! I should have died...” (suicidal thoughts)

*Tommy reaching the maximum height with the trident* “I’m alone...” (just a very famous scene here, but also keeping to the theme of loneliness even when other people are around, in this case Dream)

“Just- just build a guest tent Dream! You’re probably gonna be the one who stays in the most so... since you’re my guest”

*Dream standing inside the guest tent* “I’m in- I’m in my tent my tent” (the implications I mentioned before)

“Maybe I’m just gonna stay here, maybe I’m just gonna live here instead” (referring always to the guest tent and Logstedshire)

This all ends with Dream gifting Tommy the throwing trident (which he then puts in his enderchest) and Tommy also gains a zombie head from their mob hunting.

“Let me keep the other trident please” “What the one that you can throw?” “Yeah” “Okay Tommy, I’ll let you keep it” “Really?” “Yeah, as a gift, a beach party gift. You can remember our bonding experience from today” “Awww, thank you” (this is the conversation as a frame of reference)

“Listen Dream, what do we do now, then? If no-one is gonna come and visit me, what do I do?” “Nah, I’m visiting you!” (Dream really is convinced to me as much the center of Tommy’s universe as he is of his, huh?)

“Dream, as much as I’m feeling happy, I’m not. I’m not Dream. Where do we go from here?” “Uhm, I think that you will come around to liking it here, and you’ll build up your own ‘empire’ here, and you’ll be happy and maybe they’ll come and visit you- like you said! You said the thing about all, like, power right? You have no power and now they don’t visit you, maybe you’ll be- you’ll be back in power and then they’ll...” “I’ll always be exiled” “Yeah but that doesn’t mean you can’t become powerful, you can become powerful away from- away from them”

This is the closing conversation, that ends with Tommy entering the sea and disconnecting once he is on only one bubble of air left. Which, by the way, is a case of Tommy dissociating, which we know because he always later seems confused when logging in and finding himself in the water (meaning the confrontation with Jack at the hotel wasn’t the first case of him dissociating).

Also, while Dream is spewing all of this stuff about how “Tommy can still be powerful here” it’s obvious that that’s not the case. Tommy is not allowed armour or weapons and he is basically not allowed any allies (what with Dream sending Ghostbur away, intercepting Ranboo’s mail and making sure to keep away from Tommy as much as possible). Tommy is quite literally stuck in a position of powerlessness that he cannot escape from with someone who actually enjoys having him at his weakest.

I’ll leave it here for today, because this was literally one of the most intense streams so I had quite a lot to say and this became so damn long... I’ll probably condense the next two together.

#dreamwastaken #tommyinnit #dream smp #character analysis #relationship analysis #tw abuse #tw suicide #tw manipulation #exile arc #c!dream #long post #my post #this seriously came out really fucking long #oh well #pretty sure you guys are used to that from me by now!

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apollostears · 4 years ago

Text

TEENAGE LOVE AFFAIR [ BTS ]

group: BTS

pairing: BTS x daughter!reader

warning(s): swearing

request: can you do BTS reacting to their 15 year old daughter having a boyfriend/girlfriend?

requested by: @mela3340

oomfggg this was so fun to make!! thanks for requesting the first request of 2021 :) hope you enjoy love <3

➝︎ jin

he’s literally dramatic af.

#dramaking

but no really, he’ll be shook to the gods.

like huh??? his child got a partner?!!!

my kid?!!! IN THESE STREETS?!

he would faint, then wake back up and shake her til she’s dizzy.

ok but on a more serious note, i think if he saw his daughter have genuine feelings for this person they’re with, he would support a 100%

definitely wants to meet them asap

would chaperone their dates but in a way that’s soooo cliché. i mean ugly ass disguises cliché.

will definitely have a heart attack if his daughters partner used the fake ‘yawn-over-the-shoulder’ move while at the movies.

all his daughter would hear is someone choking horrendously a few rooms behind them and instantly know it’s her dad.

will call the boys up every time she asks him to go on a date with their partner or if they can come over to hang and study.

“i’m at a lost here! it’s like i’m in the war!” jin exaggerates on the group call with his friends.

“hyung, i think you’re over exaggerating.” jungkook would say sheepishly.

with the straightest face, jin would hang up and contemplate his choice in friends.

after about the sixth month mark, i do think he’d let up a tremendous amount.

like he’s no longer breathing down her neck about them and allows them to go on dates without him, so long as she tells him where they’re going.

10/10 is the dramatic dad that goes through a midlife crisis when their daughter starts dating.

➝︎ yoongi

mans does not care.

ok lemme clarify, he doesn’t care to the extent that jin does. he trusts his daughter and her decisions and understands that this is an important part of her life. he’s gonna try his hardest to not overstep.

but deep down, he definitely is having a hard time coming to grasps that his daughter is in love and starting to enter the dating world.

he understands the pressures surrounding dating too, especially at fifteen. so he’s definitely giving a nice lil lecture about sex, safe sex, consensual sex, and commitment.

and yes, yoongi knows that most of these young love relationships don’t last long, but he wants his daughter to know that her relationship is legit to him. no matter how old she is.

will look intimidating af to their daughters bf or gf. he definitely overhears them discussing if yoongi likes them or not 💀

looks like he could kill you and will but is also such a sweetheart once you actually know him.

doesn’t do no undercover brother shit but will follow his daughter on their first few dates just because he’s worried. isn’t overbearing and keeps a good distance.

honestly, if anything it brings his daughter a lot of comfort to know her dad is there to back her up 🙂

100%!is the father that seems like they’re chill on the surface but on the inside is working overtime to not be overreactive when their child starts dating.

➝︎ namjoon

is literally the 😯 emoji

when his daughter tells him that she’s got a lover, he literally looks exactly like that emoji.

he’s like “love? what you know about that?”

is extremely confused the entire time. yes, he knows that at her age, children start experimenting with dating but he never actually thought he’d have to deal with it.

was definitely worried that he’d lose out on daddy-daughter time once she started dating.

that was his biggest fear. that his daughter wouldn’t need him anymore. she would no worries.

is deathly afraid of his daughter experiencing heartbreak. their s/o could be the perfect match for his kid, he still wouldn’t care. namjoon is going to be worried regardless.

constantly asks for updates on their relationship to see if he needs to give any advice on how to keep the relationship going.

he doesn’t see their love as something immature. namjoon values it the same way he would value an adult relationship.

which meansss giving them the birds n the bees. same as yoongi, a thorough talk on sexually transmitted diseases, birth control, safe sex, you name it.

was incredibly nervous to meet the person their daughter was dating 💀 like how you supposed to be the daddy but more scared than the actual date.

chaperones his daughter’s first couple of dates. doesn’t get in their way but definitely makes his presence known when does attend.

has a strict “have her home by 9 or else” policy.

won’t ground their child if they give them a heads up on why they would be late.

is 100% the type to be the “work in progress” dad that wishes there was a book on what to do when your teenage daughter starts dating.

➝︎ hobi

mans was like “awww my wittle baby likes somebody!”

was wayyy more excited about meeting their child’s s/o then what is deemed normal.

don’t get me wrong, he’s definitely protective of his kid but hobi understands that these things happen.

it was bound to happen that one day his daughter would start dating.

doesn’t hound his child with questions but is very curious to learn more about this bf/gf that their daughter has.

when he meets them, he’s very scary looking at first. switching into serious hobi, he intimidates the kid just a bit before breaking into a grin and letting them know he was kidding.

is the type of dad that would make their daughters’ s/o fall in love with him 💀

hobi gets along with virtually anyone so it wasn’t hard for him to bond with the s/o.

however, he does make it known that he is a father and while the kid seems to be an alright choice for his daughter, he still lets them know that he will go liam neeson on a motherfucker if necessary.

doesn’t follow his daughter on dates but somehow ends up attending some of them because they both want him around.

on the times he doesn’t go, there is a curfew in place and it’s 8 o’clock 😔

hobi is 100% the dad to become friends with their daughters’ bf/gf but still be a force to be reckon with when needed.

➝︎ jimin

probably the one who meddles in their daughters love life.

sees their daughter walkout of school with a guy and is asking fifty million questions on who he is and if she likes him.

all for her to turn around and be like “dad, i’m gay.”

and he’s like 🥺🥰 “good, boys are disgusting anyways.”

so now he’s scoping out girls that could be a potential match for his kid 💀

“what about her?”

“nah, she’s a little rude to me.”

“you know what they say! she likes you!”

“no dad. just...no.”

was not expecting the girl his daughter chooses but can totally see it once he actually gets to know her.

is constantly giving his daughter cute date ideas for her to do w her gf. definitely has a pintrest board of places for them.

will happily be a chauffeur for his daughter if necessary. this can be good and bad. good bc yayay free rides. bad because she has to deal with a jimin that wants to be on time or a jimin that makes them ten minutes late to a movie showing. there is no in between.

he doesn’t follow his daughter around. mainly because he’s always driving them but if he doesn’t, she still gives him a heads up on where they’re going.

doesn’t mind them hanging sleepovers or leaving the door closed but will totally pop up at random times to be nosey.

is definitely in his daughters corner anytime someone tries to give her and her gf a hard time for being together.

a 100% the dad that’s constantly involved in his child’s love life but not to an extreme point. is totally just excited to be there and apart of her world.

➝︎ taehyung

the motherfucker is all smug and shit talking about some “ i know ” 😏 when his daughter approaches him about her new partner.

lets be real; taehyung would know his daughter like the back of his hands. he would have suspicions that she’s seeing somebody but won’t pressure her to speak until she’s ready.

acts like the fbi when he finally meets their daughter’s partner.

is stalking all social media, finding where they work, who they guardians are, and where they grandma stay 💀🤣

but it’s really because he knows how dangerous people are and the last thing he wants is for his kids’ life to be in danger.

is definitely a hard ass to whoever his daughter ends up dating regardless of gender. will go major payne on a motherfucker real quick.

does not care if he gets caught watching out for his daughter while she’s on a date. will deadass sit there and stare them down as they look at him, completely unbothered.

after meeting their partner a few times, he’ll become a bit more loose in regards to their relationship but will still eye them wearily.

his daughter is very important to him and he’s just worried about any potential heartbreak she may experience.

“have you ever killed?”

“uh, no sir. i-i’m only fifteen...sir.”

kisses teeth, “would you kill for my daughter?”

*beat of silence, two horrified teenagers*

scoffs, “pathetic. d/n choose a new partner.”

“dad!”

seems like a hard ass and is a hard ass but it’s completely out of love.

is 100% the dad that gives their daughter’s partner a hard time and will hold such a passive face that they’ll never know if he likes them or not, but overtime will start loosening up and accept them for who they are.

➝︎ jungkook

he was thoroughly surprised.

like...she might as well had told him she was pregnant.

jk needed a moment to comprehend that his daughter...his precious jewel was dating.

just the thought sent chills down his spine with his dramatic ass.

immediately demanded to meet the person who stole his daughter from him. and when he found out it was the bad kid from school??!!! mans was heated.

i mean really? the juvenile delinquent of ALL people?

he feels this way mainly because he remembers how he was as a kid and he knows how anal teenagers can be. really just wants the best for his kid.

is present for their first date. why is that? because it was at their house with him sitting on the opposite couch, watching them like a hawk as they attempted to watch a movie.

after that, his daughter had a serious talk with him about personal space and independence.

jungkook didn’t like the fact that he had to have this talk, but he understands it’s importance. him and his daughter have a sacred bond with one another that he doesn’t wanna risk breaking all because of his overprotectiveness.

that overprotectiveness does come in handy though because their daughters’ partner is always on time when it comes to getting her and dropping her off. honestly, if his daughter ever tried to convince their partner to skip curfew, their partner would text jungkook to snitch 💀

“so...you tried to skip curfew, eh?”

“wha-? how do you know this?!”

smirks, “i see all d/n. besides, your partner knows not to cross that line with me.”

“i literally cannot stand either of you.”

this has definitely led the daughter to question if she has a relationship or if her dad has a relationship with her s/o.

after about three months of them dating, jungkook turns into a pretty chill dad to be real. at that point, he understands that he can’t protect her from pain. so, he might as well just try his best to support his daughter through everything she does.

is 100% that is overly dramatic at first and comes off as incredibly scary but eventually comes down to earth and becomes a big teddy bear 🥰

❧ join my taglist: @olamidey @knjkitten @pimpnameyannie @sweeneyblue1 @sunrayyellowhalo @exomama-random @simplyskz-maya @valkryienymph @supop @namjoonswifeyy @asparagusclifford

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brathalo · 3 years ago

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okay so update on that guy from yesterday tw: trauma dump, bad grammar, vulgarity, me being fabulously stupid, anxiety inducing situations + rant lmao

right before that i wanna mention that i have a fucking stalker? this dude calls my granddad's house in the late evening a few weeks ago and mentioned that he wanted to talk to me. my grandad asked who he was and he replied that he was my boyfriend 💀💀 we've moved past that now lol except all of us were genuinely freaked out that he managed to get my GRANDPARENT'S NUMBER?? THE FUC

anyways fast forward to today, i met up with that guy from yesterday,,,,,,let's call him stupid bastard or s.b for now . . . . well yeah basically i met up with him because we were resitting for the same exams together and i didn't actually even know who he was until a few weeks ago, but was friendly with him because we had multiple mutual friends apparently. (they were all girls, I have no guy friends 😬👍)

he was respectful at first, didn't talk much and just shared his notes with me and all that, until he sent me that message last night.

this morning was the last day of my exam. i walked up to him and said hey, he waved back and didn't say anything for a bit to me since he was talking really loudly and laughing to someone on a phone call. suddenly, this stupid fucking bastard turned and asked me if i knew this ****insert COMPLETELY RANDOM guy name*****??? 😃???

i was like dude. we don't even know each other. I just MET you. how the hell would I know some random guy WHO WAS IN FACT LIVING IN ANOTHER STATE?????

then he smiled and said "oh, he knows you."

complete fucking anxiety just washed over me under the thursday morning sun. i was having a flashback from that creepy stalker incident - and here's the thing, the stalkers voice sounded like a typical Indian.

he and his friend (who was on loudspeaker) were also Indians who spoke English with a noticeable slang. I was fucking panicking and told him to stop.

now this isn't even the worst part. the reason why I'm writing this down now just to rant was because of what s.b did to me for the next ten minutes.

I can understand tamil perfectly, but I can't speak the language without my own English accent ruining it so I just shut up and listen to other people talk. a lot of peeps assume that I can't understand tamil at all (even my teachers) so they would just talk shit about me right in front of my face sometimes.

this dumbass did the exact same thing to me this morning, except he wasn't talking shit about me at all.

he was talking to that creepy friend of his on his phone on loudspeaker, and that friend was asking him to do a 360° of his phone, which made me realise that he was actually on video call.

s.b did the 360° about five times for his friend, and his friend was laughing even harder every time. i was wearing a completely black TURTLENECK, so my entire body was basically covered.

his friend told him to take off that WHITE top. he kept on repeating in tamil "hey show me that white top, show me dude cmon-" and I'm just sitting there, trying to cover myself with my bag, head hot and knees trembling.

I would have shouted and told him off, but I don't know why I stupidly didn't. I feel so fucking stupid, and I seriously want to stab him multiple times for having the GALL to do that to me. I have no idea if they could possibly be my stalker or not, but the feeling is there. and it's a really strong gut sense too.

he wanted to give me someone's (I'm presuming his friend) ig and I was like 🙂 sure 🙂 was full on intended to use all six of my ig accounts + all 3 of my brothers accounts to block and report him

he changed his mind last minute and we said bye again. i blocked him on ig just now. fucking hell of a ride just for resitting two exams which i already know I'm going to fail in 💀💀

#tw: rant #i talk too much i'll go now

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starryeyes-darkestnights · 4 years ago

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Show Must Go On

Part 6 of We Dance Together Now

An O’Knutzy au where Leo and Logan are still playing for the Lions, but Finn is a musician/grad student they met by chance on a roadie in Montreal.

Read Part 5 here:

Part 5 - Gold Rush

I also stuck this up on AO3, my username there is the same :)

As always, these beautiful characters and their world belong to the incredible @lumosinlove ! Her work is amazing, and I’m so happy to get to play with some of the people and places she’s created <3

The songs I referenced in here are Show Must Go On- Queen (briefly), I Wanna Dance With Somebody- Whitney Houston, and Ocean Eyes- Billie Eilish.

I hope you like it!!!

@sunflowerfox87 thanks for requesting to be tagged in updates! :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Logan

Logan stood nervously in front of the door to Finn and Leo’s apartment, wishing for the hundredth time that day that he hadn’t given in to Leo’s badgering to come by before Finn’s show tonight.

He was not looking forward to dealing with the consequences of his spiral last night. But he also didn’t want things to stay messed up between them, the way they had been that morning.

What he did want, was to pretend the whole thing had never happened. So, he’d spent his day searching for reasons to delay coming over, prolonging the amount of time he could spend not dealing with it.

But eventually he had run out of excuses, so now he was here. He could hear laughter coming from inside. That seemed like a good sign. He reached up and knocked before he could talk himself out of it, listening to the familiar sound of footsteps crossing the entryway.

Then Leo was there, smiling and holding open the door, still in the sweats he wore home from practise.

“Hey Tremz, come on in.”

Logan never been good at faking smiles, so he just nodded down at Leo’s legs, “Nice pants. You should have told me it was dress-down day at the Burrow.”

Leo just gave him a sarcastic look. “Ha ha. Very funny. I’m on my way to get changed now. Finn’s in the kitchen. Eat something if you’re hungry. I’ll be right back.”

He seemed like his usual self. That made Logan feel a bit better. Maybe he’d overreacted. Maybe everything was fine.

Leo left for his room, and Logan headed over to where Finn was finishing up the dishes in the kitchen.

“Hey, Fish.” He took a seat at the island, hoping he sounded normal too.

Finn turned at the greeting, his face lighting up when he caught sight of Logan.

“Lo! Hey. You’re here. How were the kids?”

Part of Logan’s procrastination that afternoon had involved volunteering to spend several hours playing a pickup game with the Dumais kids and their friends at the outdoor rink near their house- something he liked, but certainly wouldn’t have brushed off Leo and Finn for any other day.

“They’re good. Katie’s getting pretty cocky on the ice. I think she’s gonna end up as a captain one day.”

“Ah. Good for her.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence fell. Finn fidgeted with a dish towel, smiling nervously at him. Finn was never nervous.

Ok, so things were definitely not fine. Logan felt guilty as he remembered the laughter he had heard through the door. He didn’t want to be the cause of another ruined evening.

Leo reappeared at the other end of the kitchen island. “Do you want a drink, Tremz?”

“I’m sorry.” Logan blurted out.

Leo and Finn both looked surprised at his apology.

“Sorry… for what, exactly?” asked Leo, looking confused.

Logan was already regretting saying anything. But he was committed now. “Uh… for this morning. And last night, I guess. I was in a weird ass mood, and I didn’t mean to be weird to you guys too. I’m good now, though, so Finn, you can stop being all nervous around me. I don’t want to fuck up the evening. This is stupid.”

Finn jumped in to reassure him. “What? No, Logan, no, we were all weird this morning, don’t worry about that. That’s not what…”

He stopped suddenly, and shot a glance at Leo, looking even more nervous than he had a few moments before. Leo nodded back, subtly, but Logan caught it.

Now he was confused. What the hell was that?

He watched as Finn took the few steps around the island to stand next to Leo, who was looking at Logan with careful eyes.

“Tremz, we wanted to talk to you about something, if that’s ok?”

It was an innocuous question, but something in Leo’s voice put Logan on hyper alert. He jerked his attention to Finn, who was looking nervously up at Leo. He felt a chill go straight through his chest and settle in the pit of his stomach.

Oh.

He forced his eyes down to where their fingers were touching on the countertop.

Shit.

He stood up quickly, his chair screeching loudly as it slid back on the tiles. He couldn’t look away from their hands.

Leo followed his gaze down and yanked his arm back toward himself. “Lo…”

“Non.” He interrupted, “Non. Désolé. It’s good. That’s good, I- I am happy for you guys.” He swung his eyes wildly around the room, looking for an escape. He needed to leave, to get out, but Leo and Finn were standing between him and the front door.

He backed up a few steps, nearly tripping on the chair he didn’t remember knocking over as he remembered the balcony door. He grabbed for it, yanking it open and rushing out, sliding it closed behind himself.

He slid down the wall next to the door. Out of sight. Déjà vu. Just like that morning.

He was dizzy.

Breathe, Logan. He sucked in the fresh air. Once. Twice. Three times.

He tried to let the evening breeze calm him. He was making this into a scene again. He needed to pull it together before it became a thing.

He tried to reason with himself. You saw this coming. You know how well they fit together. You’ve suspected it since Ilvermorny.

He had even thought he would be ok with it.

He hadn’t known it would feel like this, though.

Just get it together. Make it through the night. That’s all you have to do. You can do it.

He gave himself to the count of 5 to compose himself, and then stood and slid the door back open. He stayed where he was, though, and waited for them to join him. He could do this, but he couldn’t do it inside, where he couldn’t breathe.

When Leo and Finn came, neither of them stood between him and the door, and Logan was grateful.

“Lo…” Leo’s voice was hesitant. “You didn’t let us finish.”

“Oui, je sais, I’m sorry, I was just surprised.” He plastered a smile on his face. “But, uh, congratulations?”

Finn shook his head. “That’s not really what we wanted to talk to you about. Or, I mean, it is, but that’s not all of it.”

It seemed to Logan like that first bombshell was more than enough information for the day, but he didn’t want to make this worse, so he went along with it anyway. “Ok. What else?”

Leo took back over, speaking slowly, like he was considering each word before he said it. “So… this afternoon, Finn and I talked, and we realized that maybe this—” He gestured between the three of them. “Us. Isn’t what we thought it was.”

Logan wasn’t following. Finn noticed and tried to explain.

“I told Leo, or, well, I guess I didn’t tell him, I kind of just sang at him, but it mostly got the point across, and—”

“Finn.” Leo cut him off, gently.

Finn flushed. “Right. Sorry. The point,” his voice softened, “is that I made him aware that the feelings I had for him were more than just friendship. Which you figured out. But we also talked about the fact that… well, we know you feel the same way about him too.”

Finn’s voice was gentle, cautious but his words cut through Logan anyway. He felt the panic start to rise again. Fuck.

“What are you talking about?” Logan knew his words were sharper than they needed to be, but he couldn’t bring himself to temper them.

“Logan, it’s ok. I promise. That’s how I feel about you too.” Leo rushed, all of his previous caution gone. “And it’s how I feel about Finn, and I also know that’s how you feel about Finn. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, and I’ve been looking at you both the same way. You just didn’t notice. None of us noticed.”

Logan was frozen in place, his eyes zigzagging wildly between the two men standing across from him.

They knew. They knew.

“What the fuck?”

He couldn’t deny it. He didn’t know if he wanted to deny it.

“Leo. Finn. What the fuck??”

Finn took a step forward, wide brown eyes completely unguarded as they locked onto Logan’s. His vulnerability sent Logan’s heart spinning. “We wanted to talk to you. We wanted to see if you wanted this too. If there was a way, if there was any way, that we could make this work. All of us. Do you think there could be?”

All of us. Logan hadn’t known that was a thing that could happen. But now that the idea was in front of him, it felt right. Like it had been right all along. His heart soared. Of course he wanted it too. With every fibre of his being, he wanted it. They liked him. They wanted him.

He could never have them.

Reality came crashing down around him.

He forced himself to answer Finn’s question.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, Finn. I can’t—” He looked at Leo. He would understand. “Leo. It can’t work out like this.”

“It can, Logan. As long as we are all on the same page, it can.”

Leo didn’t understand. Suddenly Logan felt very alone. His temper flared.

“You know it’s not that easy, Leo.” He snapped. “It doesn’t work like that! It can’t work like that. We are in the NHL, Nut! The NHL. We’ve worked our whole lives for this, and you’ve seen how people are. Look at what happened to Cap!”

Leo hadn’t been there at All-Stars after everything that happened to Sirius and Loops. He didn’t see how bad it got, how many phone calls Sirius had to take from Coach, how scared he was that entire weekend. Logan had taken his phone and deleted every social media app he had, but he had still been bombarded with hate from hockey fans and, worse, from people within the league itself.

Leo’s voice was firmer now. “Exactly, Logan. Look at Sirius. At his example. He is our captain. He is our gay captain, who is still very much playing in the NHL. And not just playing. He’s leading the league.”

“That is the POINT, Nut! He is the captain. He is arguably the best player in the league right now. And there were still that many people trying to kick him out! This is my second season. You’re a rookie. Do you really think people are going to go to bat for us like they did for him? For the two newest, youngest players on the team? We are expendable!”

He had thought about this. About the impossibility of it all. From the moment he had recognized his feelings for Leo, he had known it would never work.

He waited for Leo to get it now, to agree. But instead, Leo just moved to lean against the wall next to him, keeping a few feet between them. His voice was gentle when he replied.

“Yes, Logan. I do think they would go to bat for us. I know Sirius would. Coach would. Alice would. I’m not saying we should do anything publicly, but behind the scenes, you know that they would work to help protect us in the case that anything ever came out in the future.”

He shifted, turning so that he could look Logan in the eye for what he said next. “It was never going to be easy for people like us, Tremz. I’m terrified too. I never meant to be in this position either, but we are, and… what happened with Sirius…” He shook his head, his gaze dropping. It was still hard for him to think about too, Logan realized. “…what happened with Sirius showed us that the people who matter, the people we need to have our backs, will. We are allowed to live, Logan.”

Logan had never wanted something to be true so badly. He ran over Leo’s words in his mind. We are allowed to live.

“I don’t want to lie, Leo. I don’t want to hide. That’s not who I am.”

“We don’t have to. We can tell the people who matter, Lo. It’s nobody else’s business. It’s only about what makes us comfortable. What makes us happy. Neither of us are ever going to push you into anything you don’t want, or that you aren’t ready for. I just don’t ever want you to think that you can’t have what will make you happy. You deserve to be happy. Whether it’s with us or not.”

Logan listened to the kindness in Leo’s voice, and felt the fight drain out of him. He was so tired of constantly battling against himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That fire that always burned inside him had fizzled out, leaving him with nothing but the feelings he had been trying to push away for months. Feelings for the two people who were standing right in front of him, right now, telling him that they wanted him too. That he could have them, too. That he could have this, and his career, and it could work.

He wanted to believe it.

He looked up at Leo, beside him. At Finn, standing quietly across from him. He tried to imagine walking away from them right now. It made him feel sick.

Finn spoke into the silence. “Logan, I can’t pretend to understand what your job is like. And I won’t try. But I do need you to know that I am here, and I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you decide to do. I’ll always be here, in whatever capacity you need.”

Logan’s throat tightened at Finn’s words and suddenly he knew that he was done. It was over. He was going to trust them. Relief flooded through him as he accepted it.

He didn’t want to talk anymore, but he knew they needed to hear him say it. So he pulled together as much composure as he could and tried his best.

“I didn’t want to want you. I tried so hard not to want you. I told myself so many times that I could do it, that I could keep my feelings under control.” His voice was shaky. He looked at Leo. At Finn. “But you took over everything. Everything.”

He breathed out the next words as he felt himself moving closer to Finn. “I don’t want to fight it anymore. I can’t- I just want—” He hoped they could understand what he was trying to say.

It seemed that they did, because suddenly they were both right in front of him, and one of his hands was behind Finn’s neck, and the other was desperately reaching out for Leo and finally- finally- he stopped fighting against himself.

He pulled Finn to him, and then Finn’s lips were on his lips, and Leo’s were on his jaw, and all of his senses were lit up like a lightning storm. In that moment, his entire world was just that apartment, that balcony, those boys. He let himself get lost in the feeling of it all, pulling away from Finn to connect with Leo, pulling away from Leo to let them connect with each other. Everything was so bright.

It felt like forever, and not long enough, when they finally took a moment to catch their breath. Logan let his eyes roam over their tangled forms from where he was still wrapped around Leo, and let out a quiet, wonder-filled laugh. Leo turned to him and tilted his head in question, his chest still heaving where Finn was resting against it. Logan just leaned in and kissed him again, gently this time. He leaned their foreheads together and touched his fingertips to Leo’s lips. “Quand je t'embrasse… je vois des couleurs.”

Leo’s shining blue eyes softened at that, and Logan felt his grip tighten around his waist before Finn, never a fan of being left out, started to complain. “Hey! Don’t speak French. That looked cute. I want to hear the cute things! What did he say?”

Logan laughed, and Leo grinned at him mischievously before turning back to Finn. “Logan’s vision goes all technicolour when he kisses us.”

Logan’s jaw dropped mid-laugh. “Nutty! That is not what I said! It was much nicer when I said it. You make it sound like a bad Austin Powers scene.” He pouted.

Finn laughed back and ran a thumb along Logan’s lower lip, erasing the pout. “Well, if you would speak English in the first place, you wouldn’t have to rely on a faulty translator.”

It was Leo’s turn to protest. “Hey! I’m not faulty!” He paused, fighting back a smirk. “I’m freestyling.”

“Oh, fuck off!” Logan laughed and gave him a shove. Leo was just reaching out to retaliate when Finn’s phone interrupted, suddenly blasting Show Must Go On at an absolutely obnoxious volume.

All three of them startled, Leo and Logan freezing with Logan’s hand still twisted in the shoulder of Leo’s shirt. Finn frantically spun around, looking for the source of the music.

He finally spotted his phone on an end table and scooped it up, silencing it with a relieved sigh before looking over to where Logan was staring at him incredulously.

“… what?” He looked a little suspicious as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“What do you mean, ‘what’? Was that an alarm?? Why don’t you have beeps like a normal person?? Merde, Harz, you scared the shit out of us.”

“It’s Finn, Lo. He used a song to start this party, of course he’s going to use one to end it.” Leo’s voice was playful. Finn wrinkled his nose at them.

“Beeps are boring.” He crossed his arms defensively. “Music is more fun. And it’s my reminder that I have a show tonight. Hence—” He swept his arms dramatically out over the balcony railing and bowed to an imaginary crowd, “—'Show Must Go On’.” He spun back to smile brightly at the two of them. “It’s perfect. You’re just a hater.”

Leo laughed, but Logan was still stuck on what Leo had said.

“Hold on, Nut, back up. You said he used a song to start this party? Finn said he sang things at you. Can I know the story?” He wanted to know how they had gotten up the nerve to set this in motion.

“Oh,” Leo turned to Finn, who nodded even though he suddenly looked uncharacteristically self-conscious, “I kind of walked in on Finn playing a song about us this afternoon. When I got back from practise.”

“A song about us? Like, he wrote it? About us?” That was not what he expected. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it- after all, he hadn’t exactly been his best self around Finn recently.

“Ya, that was pretty much my reaction while I listened, too. That’s what finally made us talk about all of this. It’s a beautiful song. Prettier than either of us, that’s for sure.” He teased

“Hey, speak for yourself, I am very pretty.” Logan retorted reflexively, but he was distracted.

He had been watching Finn as Leo talked, and he noticed him doing the thing he always did when they brought up his music, twisting his hands together and looking anywhere but at them- looking, in fact, like he would rather be doing anything else than talking about his music. He’d never asked him about it before, but he’d always wondered.

“Finn?”

“Hmm?” Finn looked up, a smile returning like it had never left.

“Why do you do that? Look away when we talk about your music?”

“Oh. Umm…” Finn looked surprised, his eyes going wide before darting back down again. He opened his mouth as if to continue, but closed it again without speaking.

Logan felt Leo’s hand tighten around his shoulder, but he ignored the gentle warning and barrelled on.

“You’re good, Finn. Like, really good. As in, you could do this as a career, good. So why are you so shy when we say that?”

Finn didn’t look back up, and when he replied, his voice was small, and quiet. Not at all like Finn.

“I can’t, actually.” He scuffed his shoe against a mark on the balcony floor.

Logan tilted his head, puzzled. “Can’t what?” He prodded gently.

Finn took a breath and looked back up a Logan, his jaw set. “I can’t do music professionally. I tried. That’s why I moved to Gryffindor. I spent the first few years here only going to school part-time, and spending as much time as I could just writing, and practising, and playing any venue that would have me. I have knocked on every single record label door in this city. Multiple times. They don’t want me. And it took me a long time to understand that. So, I gave that dream up. Now I just play for fun. For me.”

Logan was stunned. “Finn, I’m sorry, I—”

Finn cut him off, his expression softening. “No, Lo, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I should have told you guys that before. It’s not like it’s a big secret. I just… it’s hard. It’s hard to hear people say nice things about my music when I know it’s not good enough. You know? So I don’t always like talking about it. And it’s also… I mean, you’re both professional athletes. I’m so proud of you guys all the time, because you know what it’s like to work hard for what you want and to actually achieve it. And I didn’t want you to think less of me because I couldn’t do that.”

“Finn…” Leo started to reach out, but pulled his hand back. “I am so sorry if we’ve ever done anything to give you the impression that we would ever judge you. I promise, nothing you’ve ever said to us, today or any other day, could ever make me think less of you.”

Finn chuckled a bit, still looking at the ground. “I know. Logically, I know that. But sometimes it takes my heart a while to catch up to my brain.” He studied them for a moment before continuing. “I am really glad that you like my songs though. That makes me happy.”

“Like them?” Leo scoffed. “Finn, I threw away every rule I’d given myself and kissed you after you sang to me. I more than like your music.”

Finn actually laughed then, finally, and stepped toward them. Logan watched him reach out for their hands and slide their fingers together. He rubbed his thumb along the edge of Finn’s calloused fingers, imaging the guitar strings underneath them.

“That means a lot. Really. It took me a while to be able to write again after I finally realized it wasn’t going to happen.” He chewed his lip as he considered his words. “I was in a pretty dark place. It was Molly, actually, at the Burrow, who convinced me to let the music pull me out of it. And she was right, of course. Once I stopped trying to think of every lyric as a job application, I was able to actually enjoy it again, to remember why I loved it in the first place. It’s how I sort out my thoughts when everything is too messy in my head.”

Something shook loose in Logan’s memory then. “Wait… that song. The one you played the first night we came to see you here. There was a line… ‘I remember nights when art didn’t feel like work’. You said it was about moving to Gryffindor but… is this what it was actually about? Is that what you felt like?”

Finn looked surprised. “You remember that?”

“Yes. I also remember telling you that I liked that song and wanted to download it, so you should have known I would remember it.” he teased.

Finn grinned at him. “I thought you were just being nice. And yes, that is what that song was about. But, if it’s ok, I don’t really want to talk about it anymore right now.” His expression grew mischievous as he pulled himself closer to Logan, and to Leo. “I have two beautiful, perfect men standing on my balcony that I would very much like to—”

His phone blared from his pocket again.

“No!” Finn yanked it out of his pocket, silenced it, and threw it grumpily onto the chair cushion. “Rude. How did that go by so fast?”

Leo laughed, reaching his hands above his head for a lazy stretch before pulling Finn’s head in for a hug. “So, is that our siren call? Do we have to head out now?”

Finn sighed, deeply and dramatically. “Yes. The time has come, my friends. It’s to the plank we go.”

“Oh, shut up,” Logan grinned, ruffling Finn’s hair. “You love the Burrow.”

“I would love it more if it wasn’t interrupting this.”

“We have all night to do more of this.” Leo reminded him. “Lo and I have the day off tomorrow, and you don’t have class on the weekends.”

“That’s true.” Finn perked up. “You always were the smart one, Marigold. Ok, let’s go!”

Finn ducked out of Leo’s reach as the younger boy tried to retaliate against the nickname Finn only ever used to annoy him. The two of them were laughing now, but Logan felt his anxiety start to rise up at the thought of leaving the apartment, of going into a public space.

He reached out an arm to catch Finn on his way through the door. “Wait. Just… one second.”

Finn and Leo both stopped, looking at him curiously. He suddenly felt self-conscious.

“Um, before we go, can we just… can we agree that this is just between us? Just for now?”

Leo moved to stand directly in front of him, right next to Finn. He waited until Logan met his eyes, and then held them, steady.

“Logan. Of course. We told you we have no intention of doing anything you aren’t ready for and we meant it. And you’re not alone. I don’t think either of us is ready for this to be between anyone but us right now either.”

Finn nodded his agreement. “For everyone else, we are just three best friends, going to a coffee shop to watch a show and drink some liquid sugar. It’s us, Logan. You’re safe with us. I promise.” He grinned and shoved Logans hat down over his eyes. “Now seriously. Let’s go before I kiss one of you again and miss my start time.”

---

Finn

It was the longest show of Finn’s life. He tried his best to be in the moment, but all he could think of was how badly he wanted to be back at the apartment, with the two men he absolutely could not look at the entire time he played.

He had glanced over when he had finished his set-up, taking a moment before starting to just remind himself that they were real, that all of this was real.

Leo had been laughing at something Logan said, and Logan was watching him from across the table with a look that tugged at Finn’s heartstrings. He would never get over it- these two athletes with their strong postures and broad shoulders, their open smiles, and beautiful eyes. One so kind, and steady, and sure, the other so wild and passionate. And they wanted him. It was insane. Leo had noticed Finn watching and sent him a smile that made his heart skip, and Finn knew if he wanted to get through the set, he couldn’t look over again. It was a weird moment for him, as he remembered how awful it had been the first time he’d thought that exact thing, in this same place, at the first show they had ever come to see him play. This time he had a much happier reason to avoid looking their way.

Finn worked his way through the setlist he had rehearsed, trying his best to be present and give the audience his best. It was an easy enough set, all cover songs he had played a hundred times before. He decided at the last minute to throw in a new cover of one of his favourite Eagles songs, taking a quick glance to see that Leo caught the joke. He did, and Finn watched him lean over to explain it to Logan before he had to look away.

For once, the boys were ready to go immediately after he finished cleaning up. He stuck around long enough to give Molly a hug, feeling particularly sentimental toward her after that afternoon, and then they were all piled into his car and blasting Leo’s 90s pop playlist with the windows down.

Finn felt lighter than he had in a very long time. The weight of his secrets was finally off his shoulders, and the knowledge that when they got home he could kiss the boys currently screaming along to Christina Aguilera in the passenger seats of his car eclipsed all his other worries.

They managed to keep it together for the entire walk up from the parking lot, but as soon as the door shut behind them, Logan had Finn pinned up against it. Leo linked back up to the Bluetooth system and Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody blared through the apartment. Finn laughed into Logan’s mouth when he heard it, pushing him forward into the living room and shoving the coffee table out of the way as Leo danced up behind them.

Leo grabbed Logan’s hands and drew him in for his own kiss, dipping him low and spinning around to twirl him away and pull Finn in. The air was electric as they moved: spinning and touching and kissing and jumping. Too full of dizzy energy to stay in one spot for more than the amount of time it took to pull in close and explode apart. They were sweating and panting and laughing in the dim lighting, reveling in each other’s touch as they danced together in a way they’d never been able to before.

At one point, Finn had tried to step back from the chaos, to let Leo and Logan have a moment while he tried to take it all in. But Leo had reeled him back in close instead, pulling Logan in to sandwich him from the other side.

“We dance together now.” he had said, voice low and confident in their ears.

His words had lit Finn up, set his mind reeling with everything that had happened in the past 12 hours, with the feeling of having both boys there in his arms. He didn’t think he would ever be calm again.

But as the night wore on the energy gradually shifted, and by the time Ocean Eyes came up on the playlist, Finn was finally slowing down. Logan was next, dropping his head to Finn’s shoulder, and then Leo wrapped his long arms around both of them, swaying together as the lyrics washed over them. They were quiet together then, just breathing in each other’s presence. Finn buried his face in Logan’s dark curls, and felt Logan reaching for Leo’s hand. Leo had his chin resting on Finn’s head, and Finn had never felt more right than he did in that moment. He sang along quietly to the lyrics, relishing the way Logan sank further into him as he did.

As the final notes played out, Leo pulled away long enough to switch off his phone. They collapsed together on the couch then, somehow even more wound together than they had been before. Finn wasn’t sure he ever wanted to be farther apart from them than this, ever again.

---

Leo

The three of them sat in silence for a few moments, hands roaming and fingers tangling together as they settled down. Leo couldn’t stop pressing kisses to Finn’s temple.

It was Logan who eventually broke their silence, sighing contentedly from where he was burrowed low in between them.

“I like this apartment.” His voice was soft as his fingertips traced shapes on Leo’s leg.

Leo caught Finn’s eye before the two of them looked over at him.

“You do?” Finn asked.

“Ya.” He paused for moment, looking thoughtful. “It reminds me of the woods, back home.”

That made Finn smile. “Lo, we don’t have so much as a potted plant in here.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Logan looked a little embarrassed then. “I meant like, mentally. I don’t know. It’s kind of stupid, actually. Never mind.”

Leo pulled Logan a little tighter. “Hey, no. Keep going. We want to know.”

“We do.” Finn agreed, running a finger down the length of Logan’s nose before leaning down to kiss the tip of it. “Please tell us?”

Logan rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again now. He shoved himself up to actually sit properly on the couch between them. “I just… at home, when I’m hiking or camping, it’s just quiet.”

Finn turned to fully face Logan, his arms wrapped around his legs and chin resting on his knees. Leo leaned against his end of the couch as they listened to Logan talk.

Logan continued. “It’s just you, you know? There are no other voices around to get in your head, nothing to worry about or stress over, and it’s… free, I guess. I’m free in the woods” He paused for a moment, looking like he was trying to decide whether to say more. Leo ran a reassuring hand down his arm and wove their fingers together.

Logan smiled down to where they connected, took a breath, and continued, “It’s the only place where I didn’t have to pretend. Where I could let myself feel all of the things I needed to feel. Admit things to myself that I never could have when there were other people around. Other reminders of the real world, you know?” He looked up at Leo. “It’s the place where I finally accepted that what I felt for you was much, much different than what I was supposed to feel for a teammate. It’s a safe place.”

Leo was looking at Logan. This impossibly beautiful boy. Logan was looking back at him, evergreen eyes open and unguarded. It made Leo’s stomach flip. He reached out for Logan then, and pulled him close.

Finn spoke up, quietly, from where he still sat. “And that’s what you feel when you’re here?”

Logan nodded. “Ya. That’s how I feel when I’m here.”

Leo watched Finn melt, sliding down the couch to hug Logan from the other side. “That makes me so happy. I want this to always be that place for you.” He whispered, twining his fingers with Leo’s where they rested on Logan’s chest.

“You’re that place for us, Lo.” Leo pressed their hands firmly against Logan’s heartbeat. “You make us feel safe too.”

After a moment, Logan cleared his throat and spoke again.

“Those woods are also the first place I accidentally drunk-peed on a skunk.”

That pulled a surprised, and probably highly unattractive, snort out of Leo.

Finn pulled back to look at Logan incredulously, “I’m sorry, the FIRST time?!?”

Logan just grinned in response.

“Please tell me that’s a real story.”

“It is.”

“Tell it to us, right now!” Finn demanded gleefully.

Logan laughed again as he leaned back into the couch cushions to start his story. Leo took a second to just take it all in. Logan, care-free and laughing. Finn, eyes glowing with delighted anticipation.

He sent out a silent thank you to whatever part of the universe had worked its magic in the last 24 hours, and settled in to listen, arms wrapped around both of the boys.

His boys.

---

#lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #Coast To Coast #o'knutzy

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