#anyways i am trying my best 3< /div>
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I just want to see him again.
#persona 3#persona#fanart#p3#yukari takeba#artists on tumblr#p3fes#persona 3 the answer#the answer spoilers#<- tags I never thought I would use in the year 2024#me when the 17 year old going through extreme trauma mourning the death of her best friend/boyfriend isnt making rational decisions#currently getting ready to fight the war on yukari in the answer on the side of yukari in the answer#I am not ready to go through this scene again but with good english voice acting#even with the honestly really bad voice acting in fes I still tear up when she says that line#anyway free my girl she did all of that but she deserves better anyway#me: I should try to practice drawing hands in a fun way like while drawing my fave characters!#also me: draws yukari having a breakdown
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"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever
(I make a webcomic about them)
#GODDDDDDDDDDD I love them#theyre so.....#I just.#good. theyre good#I need the comic to come back NOW...#no I dont. I havent finished enough yet#I've finished 7 episodes so I gotta make 3 more minimum but 8 more ideally. which is. a big gap..#anyways I got up early to draw this cause I couldnt sleep#and someone shared it in a server I'm in and I was like. oh I have to#but now I'm super tired and I can sleep#so good night. enjoy my beautuful art of my beautiful vampires#'good ngiht' it is 10 30 am.#sleep. she betrays me yet again.#anyways working on coming back working on kickstarter stuff working on book 4#working on commissions working on my patreon...#work work work work#trying to be forgiving of myself LOL working like 50-70 hours a week and still feeling like its not enough#imagine if I WASNT on meds rn. I'm focusing better and there's still just way too much sheesh#super need some support but also I'm chillin#I was assigned an editor and she has not given me a single note#so I'm like uhhh. rlly feeling aimless and lonely#I'm doing very good work its some of my best stuff#but...#yeah. idk. just a lot HAHAHA#but I got like 45 mins to do a quick drawing#for my mental health...#time and time again#adam and steve#ttawebcomic#adam
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charli xcx's critically-acclaimed album BRAT (2024) is something that can actually be so dan howell-coded
#-if you have phannie brainrot and feel the need to associate everything with dnp in some way 🤪#also hi again gang. was MIA for a few days being an academic victim#(will not be graduating this year despite my best efforts. but it's okay because there's still shipping phan <3)#anyway now back to suffering. trying to salvage what's left of this academic year 🤪🤪#phan#dan and phil#dnp#dan howell#daniel howell#are we using dan or daniel for the tag lmao#also im probably posting this at an awful time but it's been rattling around in my head for a few days so here it is#i wanted to use a screenshot from BIG from the part where he talks about his suicide attempt. but#i am literally not in the right headspace to watch that part rn.. like i cant cope with seeing him saying he tried to kill himself atm#watching the childhood bullying part was hard enough right now so i'll leave it at that 😭
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PRIDE MONTH WITH :
ONLY FRIENDS (2023) Ray only needs 3 moods [insp.]
#only friends the series#only friends#thaidrama#sandray#khaotung thanawat#oftsedit#tosunset#tusersilence#user25shades#tuserkatherine#tusermona#tuserrowan#tuserhidden#mjtag#usergif#dailycolorfulgifs#dramasource#edits:of#edits:pm#tansedits#for some reasons this stopped appearing in the tags when it's literally my best gifset this month#anyways i was obsessed with bostonnick when this was airing so this is my way of making up for it#i am 3 gifsets short of what i wanted to do for pride month but i'll still try to make those sometimes
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it's been a week and i still haven't recovered </3 so i did a little sketch with this scene between normal and scary because it fucked me up and i need more moments of them comforting and caring for each other
#dndads#dndads s2#dungeons and daddies season 2#dndads s2 spoilers#dndads spoilers#scary marlowe#normal oak swallows garcia#these two make me so fucking ill#i love their relationship and i missed them having moments so much and i was so heartbroken when normal comforted scary about terry jr#it sucks! when your best friend looses her dad and she has to face all this feelings she was trying to protect herself from#and you can't do anything to help hee besides being there and hugging her#if normal could he would take her pain away in a heartbeat#which is an idea i am thinking. about normal messing with the modify memory spell to protect scary from being sad#anyways they are my babies and i love them so much and they are the siblings ever <3
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You know what? Fuck you *hits Father Ardelian with the shoujo filter and babygirlifies your priest*
@stjohnstarling
#wmom#father ardelian#victor ardelian#Victor wmom.. my favorite blonde tortured white boy turned babygirl.. I love u#what manner of man#tbh this is not my best work but I am working under trying conditions ok (iPad is dying on me and is determined to quit me out of procreate#5 times while working on this 😔#I was less worried abt proportions and such and more concerned with the fact that my iPad is a sickly victorian#child and keeps rejecting my gentle coaxing and attempts to clear storage on it and trying to make sure#it doesn’t corrupt any of my projects#anyways idk if anyone saw this but like two weeks ago I posted this drawing except it was my oc Gabriel#the Hans of the southern isles lookin guy#I decided to redraw this (aka make some minimal changes) to make it Victor#so if anyone saw this same drawing but a redhead w glasses… no u didn’t <3#priest tag#My art#art#priest art#Sorry to tag u St. John#I know you probably like seeing stuff about your oc but like. Every time I do it feel like I’m gonna explode#like please don’t hate me. But I drew your guy. please accept my humble drawing. Sorry to bug you but here he is#anyways uh I hope someone likes my pink girlypop priest drawing. Happy pride you little freaks <3 (affectionate) (I’m freaks)
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a soft place to land
vittoria de riva x lucanis dellamorte. 2.7k. fluff, hurt/comfort, flirting. click here to read on ao3.
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Vittoria is no stranger to loneliness.
It keeps her bed cold and her nights quiet. Sometimes she’s grateful for it and other times the longing for something more, the same longing she’s felt since childhood, threatens to strangle her. But she’s a Crow, and Crows can’t afford connections like that, so she doesn’t complain and instead spends long nights sharpening her blades in silence. Sharpening blades or, when she feels longing’s hands tightening around her neck, sitting in the window of her apartment in the canal district and watching the civilians of the city go about their lives.
“Her” apartment isn’t her apartment at all. It’s an abandoned apartment overlooking the market that no one has lived in for what seems like a decade, if not longer. She found it after one of her first contracts, and it’s the only place in Treviso that she can escape to without feeling the need to look over her shoulder for Viago. On nights she can’t sleep and doesn’t want to think or train, she scales the surface of the tower and settles in the window, letting the heartbeat of Treviso lull her into something that might resemble sleep. Visiting the apartment is what she misses most about home, and after seeing what happened to Minrathous, after hearing about what's happening in the South, she wants to visit it again. Who knows if - who knows when - it’ll be the last time?
She intends to head for the Eluvian with little fanfare - the others don’t need to know about her trip - but when she reaches the bottom of the staircase in the library, she finds Lucanis sitting on a chair with a cup of coffee in his hand and a book open in his lap. He looks up at her as her footsteps slow to a stop.
“De Riva.”
“Dellamorte.”
Vittoria shifts her weight from one foot to the other as a slight smile creases Lucanis’s lips.
“You’re going out.” He appraises her armor with a raised brow. She should’ve cleaned it earlier like she had meant to…
“I am.” Vittoria rests her hand on the hilt of her sword. “But I won’t be gone for long.”
“Where to?”
“Home,” she answers, then, “Treviso. Ever since we got back from Minrathous…”
He glances down at his lap then. “I know.”
She can tell he feels as she does - guilt for what happened to Minrathous, to the Shadow Dragons, to Neve, but gratefulness that the same - or worse - didn’t happen to Treviso. It’s a poor consolation, but consolation at all is priceless in times like this.
Vittoria clears her throat. “Would you…”
“Would I what?”
“Um. Nothing,” she insists, shaking her head. Of course he wouldn’t want to come with her - he’s clearly in the middle of something. She’s not sure she wants company, either. “Anyway, I won’t be long. If anyone asks for me -”
“Were you going to ask me if I’d like to come with you?”
“... No.”
“Then what were you going to ask?”
She knows very well that Lucanis didn’t know who she was before she rescued him from the Ossuary, despite the two decades that she has spent with the Crows. It continues to surprise her that he understands her better than Viago ever has after only a month or two. No wonder he’s such a good assassin - he’s very good at reading his mark. She clears her throat. “Alright,” she confesses. “I was.”
“I thought so.” He stands up, takes a long sip from his teacup, and then places it down on the saucer. “Let me get my things. I will meet you at the Eluvian.”
He doesn’t leave her waiting long, and they travel home through the Crossroads in companionable silence. Vittoria can’t help but glance over at him from time to time. While he didn’t notice her in the past, she certainly noticed him - she even thought she had been in love with him once, though she’s sure now that she didn’t know what love meant. Or means. But he and Illario had a life that all Crow recruits wanted for themselves, and Vittoria had been one of them. The acclaim. The attention from the Talons. The inherent talent. When she was younger, she thought that having the attention of someone like Lucanis would’ve made her life easier - easier than the attention from Viago, anyway - and she strove for years to get that attention. She grew out of it eventually, and then, of course, he died, and whatever leftover feelings she might have had died with him. But now, the fact that not only is he alive, but that she was the one to save him… Sometimes it doesn’t feel real, and she always catches herself looking at him to make sure he’s really here.
“We’re not going to the Diamond,” she says when the two of them reach the Treviso Eluvian. “If you wanted to check in with Teia and Viago...”
“Hm. Then where are we going?”
“I have a place in the city that I go to. I consider it… well… a home. Of sorts. I wanted to make sure it was still standing, after…”
Lucanis nods. “I understand. But maybe we can check in with Teia and Viago while we’re here…” At Vittoria’s wince, he gives her a smile. “Or not.”
“Thank you.” There is a part of her that loves Viago, however complicated and repressed that part is, but the last thing she needs right now is a lecture.
“Of course. No one understands the desire to avoid Viago as well as I do, believe me.”
She steps through the Eluvian with Lucanis on her heels.
Most of the Crows are asleep for the night, so the two of them meet no resistance at the Casino, and from there she leads him through the familiar streets in silence. It’s a short walk, though, and soon enough she’s standing at the base of the apartment building and refreshing herself on her usual footholds. She hasn’t been here since before she saved Varric all those months ago, and she would hate to fall to her death from the building that she’s scaled more than any other - in front of Lucanis, no less. To her relief, the tower doesn’t seem to have suffered in the face of the dragon attack. She glances back at her companion, who is staring up at the surface of the building the same way she had been moments ago.
“It’s not as tall as it looks,” she reassures him.
He meets her gaze. “Good thing I have wings.”
Vittoria has been climbing her whole life. As a child, she would spend hours scaling trees until she reached the top and could settle down in the branches with a book or wooden toy that she had stolen from one of her siblings. By the time she was six, she could scale the tallest tree on her family’s farm in one breath. When she first arrived in Antiva, it was the only thing that made her suited to the life of a Crow - everything else, the fighting and the thick skin and the iron stomach, came later. So climbing is second nature to her, and in no time, she’s heaving herself through the window and rolling onto the floor of her apartment. Lucanis follows. They stand up from the ground, dust themselves off, and meet each other’s eyes.
“This is it.” She says it more awkwardly than she’d meant to, and winces at herself. She thought she’d gotten over her infatuation with him - she doesn’t dwell on those old feelings when they’re working together side-by-side, killing Antaam and Venatori and Sentinels - but now that it’s the two of them, alone in an abandoned apartment with no gods or dragons for miles around, that soft spot of her heart feels rubbed raw. She turns away from him. “I’ve been coming here for years,” she says again. “I’m glad to see it’s still standing.”
Lucanis looks around curiously, and Vittoria does, too, to familiarize herself with the apartment again. There’s a bookshelf with a few books in it - books that she bought from the market herself, but can’t remember the contents of now - and a collection of knives sitting on a stool next to a well-worn whetstone. Above the stool is a series of scratches on the wall, each scratch representing one of her successful contracts. There must be more than a hundred scratches, but she’s not sure if he’d consider that a high or low number, so she resists the urge to call attention to it.
On one side of the room is the window from which she can see the market, and on the wall opposite is the window from which she can see the whole of Treviso spilling over the hills on the horizon, its silver spires sparkling in the moonlight. Lucanis lingers here, standing still for a long moment. When he speaks, it shatters the silence.
“I have never seen Treviso like this.”
“I haven’t seen it like this for a long time.”
She brushes past him and sits on the edge of the window. It’s what she would do if she were alone, after all, and that’s what she had been coming here to do - to be alone, to calm herself and soothe her nerves of steel. Even though she knows she won’t be able to do those things now that he’s here with her, she’s still going to pretend that she can. And it’s easy, because for a long, long moment, neither of them move. It's only when she turns her head to look at him that he sits down on the windowsill across from her, stretching his legs out until his feet are nearly in her lap.
She used to dream of this. Of sitting across from Lucanis, fighting alongside him, of him knowing her name and… knowing even more than that. When she was little, she always imagined what she would tell someone if they asked her about her childhood in Ferelden, and for some reason, sitting across from him, she feels the words leaving her mouth before she can think about it. “When I arrived in Antiva, all I could think about was how different it was from Ferelden. I hated it at first.” But even the word hate doesn’t capture her feelings, because she spent most nights in the year or two after she arrived sobbing in her bed until the other recruits realized that hitting her hard enough could convince her to be quiet. “But I can’t remember what Ferelden looks like anymore. I can’t remember my family. All I know is Antiva, Treviso, Salle. The Crows. Viago. If Ghilan’nain’s dragon had…”
Vittoria glances over at Lucanis. He seems focused on something in the distance, but she notices him shift in his seat and straighten up when she looks for long enough.
“Did you recognize me?” She doesn’t know why she asks him this, but she does. “In the Ossuary?”
Lucanis shakes his head. “I didn’t. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I didn’t think you did.”
“But I wish that I had.” He turns to face her. “I don’t know how I never noticed you before, truthfully.”
“And why is that?”
He smiles again, and she resists the urge to glance back out the window. “You are an impressive woman, Vittoria.”
“Well.” She clears her throat. She doesn’t know what “impressive” means to him, if it means what she thinks it means or what it should mean or if it means something else, but her face flushes nevertheless. “I’ve worked hard to be.”
At that, his smile sours. “You know… You take very good care of us. Of the team. But I hope you don’t think that we can’t be there for you the way that you - ”
“I didn’t invite you here to give me a motivational speech.”
“Ah. You didn’t invite me at all, remember? I had to tease it out of you.”
Her face flushes even more at the word “tease”.
“I just mean that… If there is anything I can do for you, any difficulties you might be facing that I don’t know about… please tell me.” He sighs. “I know that I can’t do much, all things considered, but I can try to ease some of the weight off your shoulders if you let me. I have wings, you know. I can take it.”
“Please.” Vittoria waves her hand at him to dismiss the thought. “You keep me fed - that’s enough.”
“Mm.” He crosses his arms over his chest and nods. “And you do eat a lot more than the others, that’s true…”
“Hey!” She kicks his foot. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, nothing! It was merely an observation.”
“Watch it, Dellamorte.” She gestures to the open window. “You’d hit the ground before Spite realized what was happening.”
“Please don’t say his name right now. I don’t want him to ruin the moment.”
There it is - another word that might mean something to him but also might mean nothing. She didn’t realize that whatever’s happening between them right now could be considered a moment… but at the same time, she has started to notice that he’s been giving her more attention since she saved him and the Crows from the dragon. He sits beside her at dinner, keeps close to her side in fights and in their travels through the Crossroads… and what had he been doing tonight, sitting in the library of the Lighthouse instead of the kitchen?
She tells herself that it doesn’t mean anything, though. It can’t mean anything. Vittoria could never live at Lucanis’s side. He’s in line to become First Talon, and his family has been a part of the Crows for hundreds and hundreds of years. No matter how much training she does, no matter what she does, Vittoria won’t ever feel like she belongs to the Crows or like the Crows belong to her. She doesn’t think she’ll ever rid herself of the fear that one wrong move will be the end of it - of her life here, or of her life at all. And she feels the same about Lucanis. If she pushes her luck too far, who can she trust to watch her back the way she trusts him? She needs to focus on finding allies right now. Not a lover.
If he was interested in her at all. Which he isn’t. He can’t be.
“We don’t have to talk, you know,” she tells him, more for her sake than his. If her face flushes any more tonight, she might burst into flames. “We can just sit here and… look out at our city.”
“Our city.” Lucanis turns away from her and rests his head against the window frame, settling in and looking more at ease than she’s ever seen him. And while watching him in motion is enough to drive her to madness, seeing him at ease might be even worse. Watching his chest rise and fall with long, measured breaths. Watching his eyelashes flutter like he’s trying to keep himself awake. He is a beautiful thing, Lucanis. She’s sure being loved by him would be a beautiful thing, too.
“Before we stop talking, then, let me say one last thing: thank you for saving our city.” His voice is softer than a whisper, so soft that she has to lean in to hear what comes next. “And even though I didn’t know you before, I am glad that I know you now.”
As allies. As friends. As teammates. While she knows that’s all he means, it’s still something. Vittoria smiles at him. “Me too.”
True to his word, Lucanis doesn’t speak again for the rest of the night. Neither does Vittoria. (Neither does Spite.) They watch the sun rise over the mountains surrounding their home and then decide that it’s time to return to the Lighthouse to rest before they see the First Warden. But if things go well, if she somehow figures out a way to stop the gods, then she might bring him back here and tell him all the things that no one has ever thought to ask her about. He might even want to know.
#oc: vittoria#pairing: vittoria x lucanis#my writing#my ocs#it's been a long time since i've finished and posted a FULL da fic so i'm feeling super rusty#and admittedly i know this is not my best work#but i am trying to be one of the first of everyone's mutuals to post datv fic so.#LKSJDFLJSDKFJDSL#I DO IT FOR MY FOMO <3 I DO IT FOR THE RECOGNITION <3#anyway i think i wrote lucanis pretty faithfully here but we don't see enough of him to know slkjfklsd#i'm still trying to get a grasp on him he's a lot squishier than i thought he would be#but alas and alack and etc....#datv spoilers#rook x lucanis#rookcanis#dragon age the veilguard fic#datv fic
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zewu-jun's laundry struggles
#when you try your best but you dont succeeeeed#he was so determined :')#this is part of a larger xiyao animatic ive been working on that is taking A WHILE#think my animating might be starting to look a little smoother eeee. am probably doing things in the most inefficient way BUT STILL#this animatic was not actuallt meant to have any animated elements but i got carried away as usual sdhksj#anyway posting this little snippet in celebration of getting nice tags on my jgy animatic yesterday mwah thankyou <3#lan xichen#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#pasc's art tag
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you are like hella fucking cool. yea sure your faces might follow the same blueprint at times but the way you execute other people asks into art and yet draw your own stuff with that unique charm is just admirable. absolutely gorgeous. i hope you do well in any endeavor you might partake. also that potato you have as ur icon is fucking cute. the colour palettes slap, they are cute and light and fit ur vibe perfectly. anyway keep doing ur thing ur good at it.
AHH omg thank you so much!!!!!!!!! this is so sweet I need to lie down on the floor for a bit I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY STUFF,,, i don't even rlly know what to say back this is so specific and lovely!!! here have this 3d version of Little Potato Bastard Man i did a few months ago
#face diversity in my comic style is smthn i ought to work on lolll#its ok u dont have to sugar coat it with at times. i KNOW i forget to change ppl's face shape a solid 85% of the time <3#its not same face syndrome bc that implies i'm actively trying to make the faces look different LOL#im mainly focusing on the expression and defining design features so everyone's face gets pretty similar pretty quick#anyway i feel like my best reply is 'i am being Perceived and very flattered by it'#thanks for the ask!#⋆
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first art post of the new year!!! granted, i don't share my art here that much anyway, but– shhh.
hehehehhhooo,, here's something i've been working on for 'bout a month,, albeit not consecutively– took a few,, very very long breaks in between working on this,, but i managed to finish it in the end! am i satisfied with it? .......ehhhh? not completely, but if this took any longer, it might not have seen the light of day, so like. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
anyway,, made a little poster for my favorite fic, tommyinnit's services for villains, vigilantes, and various other vagabonds, by @scorpionoesit!!! it's really really good,,, and i've always wanted to make more art for it,, so i decided– poster! at least,, that's what it's mean to resemble,,, dkdmkdmdkd.
i will freely admit,, i'm... not the biggest fan of the fan-made logo i tried to design for it,, feels a bit boring, and could definitely have used a bit more pizazz, something to make feel more like the fic itself(what does that mean? you figure that out),,,, but– again, steam was running low,, dkdnksjs. graphic design is my passion. i do also have other complaints, but i'm afraid i already punched my one-use self-critique card,, oh well,,, dkdnkxjdkd.
regardless,, even with the flaws only i can really see,, this still turned out pretty okay!! hope you enjoy it, mx. scorpio and mx. alibi!!! and i hope everyone else has a wonderful new year!!!!
#my art#dream smp#services for vagabonds#tommyinnit fanart#tommyinnit#i don't wanna try tagging the rest of them so i'm just not gonna <3#anyway wrow i wonder who the skull guy and mysterious shadowy figure are....... could be anyone.#i was gonna try and fit in some sort of hero so i could check all the dots of everyone tommy's help#specifically either dr**m (derogatory) or phil#(was mostly leaning towards phil)#but 1) couldn't figure out a way to make it look good with the current set up#my first thought was to try moving the current characters around a bit; but then it would feel too crowded#my second thought was to have them appear from the smoke; somehow? a smoky figure?#but that only really looked good in sketch form and i didn't have the patience to figure that out properly#and 2) no clue what their designs look like. don't even know what their powers are; yet!#was also wanting to fit fundy in but it didn't work for the first reason#fun rapid fire character design facts: niki has a littol sharp tooth 'cause of the joker stuff!#i originally gave tubbo green eyes;; but i decided blue-green looked cooler#tech– [cough] i mean;; *orion's* cloak has a faint lil orion pattern on can barely see it but it's there i assure you !!!#(i tried my best for his design but i am. not the greatest at outfits;; especially hero/villain ones)#tommy has long hair bc it's *MY* art and *I* say he gets long hair. this definitely isn't canon to vagabonds i just like to do this#<- also why michael and tommy have freckles#tommy has a bit of green in his design(through the patch) due to a theory of mine :D#might have over-rendered the hair a bit but. fuck you i like it#anyway i think that's all i have to say about it? if you've actually read all these tags;;; have a cookie -> 🍪#pretend it's a peanut butter cookie#actually. no pretend it's both. you get two cookies. as a treat.#anyway have a good rest-of-your-day !!!!!!
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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao
#whosebaby talks#took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go#you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall#sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt#when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all#but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were#and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell#or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well#sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm#and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes#......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit#and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature#and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine#which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did#and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place#all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged#was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao#i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted#so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol#anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable#there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered#and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3#the salt files#bullying cw#ableism cw
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I need more tired bear posts.
#im fucking exhausted TVT#idek know why?????#like- today was actually pretty alr???#we went 2 the fair but my mom ended up getting heat exaughtion som only went on 3 rides total#nd then ended up makijg her actually take a break and we needed to go#which. disappointing tbh bcs i was having fun bit also prob for the best#anyways not im fucking Exasted for. no reason??? TvT#its probably hst being around so many ppl tbh but i am. tireddddd#enea rambles <3#also unrelated totally but parents pls ffs know how to take care of urself so ur kid doesnt have to constantly try and do it for you??#lol-
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*claps hands* okie dokie, time to finally catch up on Brassic after *checks watch* TWO YEARS holy shit.
#i do not know what compelled me to just completely drop this show all of a sudden but i am ready to see my best friends again pretty please#also while googling to try and remember what series is the most recent i've seen (it's 4) i was reminded dylan got fucking KIDNAPPED lmaooo#hope you're good king <3#i'm about to find out 😬#anyway if i have any brassic followers left this is my official 'i'm back on my brassic bullshit' post <3#soapbox#brassic
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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As much as I love receiving asks sending them is so painful for me. Feel like I'm knocking on the door of my friends house for the first time and trying to prep myself to say hi to their parents or some shit, like "hi sorry for bothering you. You have a lovely house :)". Ask games aren't much better cause then I just feel like I'm in a drive thru but at least I don't have to think much about it
#i have severe anxiety and am relearning how to be a human#ive been alive for almost 3 years and its rough out here#not really alive but like. my own person? i guess?#anyways. sorry if im ever weird in your inbox or replies. i am trying my best
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gosh i've got a haircut tomorrow and the road i normally take may or may not be closed (i am under instructions to 'walk to the end of the driveway and have a look and then there might be someone to ask'. guy who barely leaves the house problems) BUT the problem is i don't know how any of these roads link up because i don't really go places (GUY WHO BARELY LEAVES THE HOUSE PROBLEMS) and also i'm bad at maps. me vs google maps fight to the death match coming to my house right now
#the problem is i'm not smart in these ways#BUT I TRY!!!!!!#'b what happens when you get lost' miraculously i have barely been lost due to the small radius from my house that i am able to#venture. but the answer is 'call my dad and hope he has a phone on him (unlikely) and that he can describe where he means because#i also cannot seem to remember road names and numbers'#otherwise i just hope for da best 👍#OH GOD i just remembered the time that i got lost IN THE NEXT VILLAGE like i was driving around the housing roads for ages sooooo#lost and i didn't recognise anywhere and i pulled over to ask the only people around for directions and i STILL didn't understand#where i was or where i was going so i just. kept making turns and miraculously stumbled across my friend who works from a van <3#and who gave me directions in b language :P without him i would be there to this day i fear.......#ANYWAY am i writing these tags to avoid trying to read a map? perhaps <3#BUT I CAN AND WILL DO IT! it's just something that comes not at all naturally to me. BUT I TRY! ALWAYS!
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