#anyways how tf has it been a month already i am in shock

[icehot13]

CHAPTER 14: EMPTY HANDS AND EMPTY ROOMS

thank you for being so patient!! suddenly a month has gone by!!!

I think this fic will be 18 chapters total (and then turned into a book like A Matter Decided was, and it's going to have a secret book epilogue! I may not know what half of ch 17 will be but by god do i ever have a plan for this secret epilogue)(yes it's about Jakob, my favoritest one, how did you guess)(i love him!! shoutout to the commenter who talked about how jakob is getting all the significant beats that usually belong to the romantic partner in a fic, you are RIGHT, it's because he is SO IMPORTANT. i know i'm reading way more into this than probably casual readers would, but i want the narrative to treat him as important!! so he's getting the epilogue!! he gets to narrate!!! i love him)

that doesn't sound like a lot more fic but then i realize that means i still have to write ch 15, 16, 17, and 18 and uhhh that's forty pages right there, so it might be a second. you guys are so brave for reading this as it's written, and in fact, if you weren't, i would have stopped ages ago. thank you to everyone reading and commenting i love you and it is, in fact, written for you. Personally. I am holding your little face in my hands as I say this. This fic is being finished for you!!

[suguruverse]

OKAY I HAVE AN IDEA! can you do a scenario with tsukishima, yamaguchi, kageyama, and kuroo where their gf is wearing a tank top and you can like see her cleavage? like she grabs something and his face just accidentally goes right between her tits LMAOOOOO

✿ haikyuu boys when their gf’s tiddies accidentally get in their face

includes - tsukishima kei, yamaguchi tadashi, kageyama tobio

a/n - OMG THIS REMINDED ME OF THAT ONE OHSHC SCENE WITH HIKARU AND HARUHI SO I HAD TO WRITE THIS!! also my new character limit of hcs is 3 so you’re more than welcome to request again with kuroo!! thank you for understanding <33

↳ TSUKISHIMA KEI

- poor bby wants to act like it doesn’t phase him but he’s secretly so flustered

- you were lying on his chest, cuddling while watching a movie

- you noticed your boyfriend’s small snores from above you and got a little upset

- i mean y’all were only like 30 mins into the movie tf

- but you noticed how peaceful his face was

- and the small smile that appeared on his face when you gently brushed your fingers against his face made your heart wanna burst

- his glasses were slowly falling off of his face so you decided to be a good gf and take it off for him

- so that’s what you did, trying not to accidentally wake him up

- you folded up his glasses and moved slightly to try put them on the small table next to the couch and behind your bfs head

- but in order to do that, you would have to move over him

- i feel like tsukishima is a really light sleeper so when you started moving, he wasn’t really awake, just super super groggy

- so what he wasn’t expecting, was for your tits to be squashing his face, first thing when he wakes up

- i mean he wasn’t complaining (yes he was), but he was more confused than anything

- you almost winced in pain with how roughly your boyfriend pushed you off of him

- you were about to yell at him until you saw the huge blush on his face

“dammit y/n what are you doing, if you’re trying to seduce i don’t think this is the right way to do it”

“babe, what do you mean seduce you? i was trying to put your glasses away because you were falling asleep?”

“well did you have to do it while your tits were in my face?”

“wait i’m so confused, are you actually upset at me?”

“well no”

“so you liked it”

“pfft...no?”

- well just because he liked it, doesn’t mean he didn’t tease you about it for the next month

- he also apologised for pushing you 

↳ YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

- okay so what if you were a klutz, you’ve only broke like 3 vases?

- whatever, either way, your beautiful and kind boyfriend thought it was adorable

- anyways, you were at home, trying *emphasis on trying* to cook a nice meal for your boyfriend for dinner

- yamaguchi was currently at work and therefore is not there to help if anything *everything* goes wrong

- yamaguchi loves you more than anything, no matter how many plates or cups you end up breaking, he’s always there to leave a tender kiss on your forehead and reassure you that everything was going to be okay

- but unfortunately for you, today was just not your day

- while you were at the stove, cooking up some food. you failed to notice the overflowing sink behind you that was just spilling water everywhere like it was no ones business 

- it wasn’t until the water reached your feet that you realised the tap still running with water and soap filling up the sink

- in a panic, you tried to grab as many paper towels as you can and turned of the sink

- however it seemed like the world was turned against you when the ringing of the fire alarm, making your already huge mess into a bigger one

- you frantically turned off the stove and opened all the windows

- in that moment, yamaguchi had just entered your shared apartment, shock evident in his face and he saw water and suds running down the cabinets, you  basically climbing over the kitchen counters, trying to open the windows and smoke that quickly filled his nose

- in a daze. yamaguchi just looked at you in horror as you noticed his presence at the entrance of the kitchen 

- excited to see your boyfriend after 12 long hours, you ran up to him, seeking his comfort and warmth

- but what you failed to realise was the water still on the tiles, after you abandoned the spillage to opened the windows

- and yes, you fell

- and yes, it was into your boyfriends arms

- and no, he was not prepared for you to fall into his arms so yall fell to the ground together

- it took a little while for you to process the past 5 seconds and it wasn’t until you heard your boyfriends muffled yells did you realise that you tits were suffocating him

“mmhmm... MMMM.. tits...off...face”

- you quickly climbed off of him and sat beside him as he tried to catch his breathe

- a strap of your tank top had fallen off in the process of your falling face first into your boyfriend

- combined with the adorable guilty look you had on your face, yamaguchi couldn’t help but become a blushing mess, covering his face with his hands, acting as if you you couldn’t see him

“baby as much as i love your body, you suddenly doing that kind of thing so suddenly, and without telling me, is very much uncalled for”

- you knew your boyfriend was flustered, so what’s more fun than teasing him about it

“i’m sorry yams, it was an accident, did you not like it?”

“like what?”

“my tits in your face”

“Y/N YOU CAN’T JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD LIKE THAT”

“is that no?”

“i-...no”

“well well well, i didn’t know that my boyfriend was a perv”

“y/n, stop it, plus you need to clean up this mess, and i’m not helping you this time, i’m gonna go take a shower”

“can i joi-”

“no. clean”

- he was lying he totally help you clean after his shower

- he even made dinner for you both

- it was also decided that he will do all the cooking in the house

↳ KAGEYAMA TOBIO

- it was right after they lost against aoba johsai and you were just trying to comfort your dear boyfriend, kageyama

- you arrived at his house with a bag full of his favourite snacks, drinks and some meat buns

- you rang the doorbell, but there was no answer

- so you being you, just decided to come in the house

- the entire house was dark which made you wonder if your boyfriend was even home

- you entered his room to find him watching his game with aoba johsai on his phone, in bed 

“babe? babe? tobio? you there?”

- he continued to watch the game as you set down the bag of snack beside his bag

- you sat next to his figure, watching him as he silently critiqued his performance from the day before

- even after feeling your weight on the other side of his bed didn’t phase him

- you decided to get into bed with him, not wanting to bother him too much while he was focused

- you went on your phone for 30 minutes before you decided to take a little nap, facing your boyfriends back

- kageyama released a huge sigh as he finished the video of the match and turned around to the other side, to avoid stiff muscles

- but what he didn’t expect when he turned around, was to be squashed into your tits

- he stayed there for a solid minute, his brain short-circuiting

his brain:

“ what is this”

“am i dreaming”

“did i die”

“these kind of feel like boobs”

- and with that he immediately got up, stressing about the possibility of his face being in the tits of a girl that isn’t you

- but when he sees your resting face, he instantly relaxes but till has a slight blush on his cheeks

- he lays back down next to you, praying that he didn’t startle you until your voice called out to him

“did ya enjoy that tobio, you stayed there for a while?”

- it was almost cruel, the way you tease your swkward boyfriend

“w-what do you mean, i didn’t do anything”‘

“so you mean you weren’t the one who stayed between my tits for like 5 minutes?”

“I WAS JUST SURPRISED, THAT’S ALL, I DIDN’T MEAN TO”

“its okay tobio, i didn’t mind”

“o-oh. you didn’t? your not mad?”

“mhm, your reaction was worth it”

“HEY ITS NOT FUNNY, I WAS SCARED”

“of tits?”

“no i got scared because i thought it might have been some stranger that broke into my house trying to seduce me”

“tobio what?”

“ugh whatever, shut up, now come cuddle me”

“needy aren’t ya tobio”

“SHUT UP”

[joisbishmyoga]

A friend has convinced me that the Arkenstone is a Silmaril.

- glowing rock

- similar sizes probably. fit on giant evil crowns and in hobbit pockets alike.

- ppl went war-crazy over them

- one of them was lost to a fiery pit

- a lone mountain is very likely to be a former volcano

- Middle-Earth's timeline is stupid in a geological sense anyway so SURE there's plenty of time between the First and Third Ages for a volcano to die and get turned into a dwarven city-state why the heck not ლ(ಠ_ಠ ლ)

This lends itself to a particular logical progression:

- the dwarven lords swore their obedience to the rock, not the line of Durin, after it was found

- this is why they could refuse to go with Thorin to retake Erebor

- this is also why it was so damn important for Thorin to get the Arkenstone specifically ASAP, instead of "eh we'll find it eventually while we're sorting through the treasury"

- they didn't originally intend to slay the dragon as a group of 14, they meant to get the Arkenstone, go back, and command all the dwarves to come attack Smaug

- ANYWAY a key feature of a silmaril is that it burns anyone who doesn't have the right to possess it

- so when Bilbo is like "here's the Arkenstone", Thranduil is like "what the fUCK that is a SILMARIL Gandalf WHAT" and Gandalf is like "WHAT THE FUCVK i mean MY AREN'T HOBBITS INTERESTING LITTLE FELLOWS what the fuck what the fuck"

- and then Thranduil is like "well it isn't burning him so that makes him the rightful owner"

- and then someone, probably one of the dwarves, it would be kind of hilarious if it was Fili or Kili but it could also be Nori (very savvy), Ori (a scribe) or... I think it was Balin who was responsible for teaching the princes things like history idk, ANYWAY one of the dwarves is like "wait doesn't that make Bilbo King of the Dwarves?"

- Thorin is shocked out of his gold madness by the fact that actually no he isn't King Under the Mountain

- "Maybe you can be Consort Under the Mountain if you apologize nicely enough."

- "... Apologizing nicely? Uncle Thorin?"

- "Good point. I guess we'll never be princes again, Kili."

And so Bilbo fixes everything with hobbity practicality and also offends tf out of Thranduil and Gandalf and the dwarves without them being able to do anything about it.

- The dwarves love that Bilbo told Thranduil, very loudly, in front of the entire elven army, that he can fuck right off though his elves are welcome to return to sell food, and he will get his stupid starlight pebbles AFTER all the ACTUAL priorities of feeding and housing everyone, and going through Erebor to assess the city's structural integrity, and washing and uncursing the hoard, and actually sorting through it for Laketown's money and paying the food merchants and dividing heirlooms from liquid assets and etc etc etc have been addressed. And every time Thranduil behaves like a sulky fauntling, his stupid rocks go down one slot on the very. very. long list of priorities.

- (The dwarves are much less pleased to have all the wealth of Erebor called "rocks" and "pebbles" and "mathoms".)

- so get this army off my doorstep NOW Thranduil, or do we have to send missives to all of Middle-Earth that you are an oathbreaker as should've been done a century ago.

- You know. When you broke your treaty of mutual aid to the kings of Erebor. And left thousands of innocent, traumatized survivors to starve to death. It's one thing to refuse to enter a lost battle. It's something entirely different to refuse to help the refugees. Children starved, Thranduil. CHILDREN.

- p.s. You have no idea how badly you, and by extension all of Mirkwood, have offended all of Bilbo's hobbity morals here, Thranduil.

- if Bilbo was even the slightest bit more vindictive, Thranduil would have to abdicate and Legolas would have to rebuild all of Mirkwood's diplomatic ties with a severe handicap. Oathbreaker is a SERIOUS THREAT given what we've seen of Middle Earth societies.

- so considering the Arkenstone just got revealed as a Silmaril, putting that memory right at the top of everyone's minds, there should be PLENTY of elves either old enough or educated enough right there to make the connection between "bloody war over the silmaril rocks" and "bloody war over the starlight rocks" and want NOTHING to do with it tyvm

- Bilbo like "we will NOT be housing anybody in the mountain but the original Company before we've inspected each space for structural safety, no even we aren't just wandering around the mountain willy-nilly, the dragon broke a lot of stuff and a big enough rock fall will break even a dwarf's thick head"

- Bilbo also like "for valar's sake, Bard, take your mob home, set them to salvaging what you can of Laketown and Dale, send messengers to your trading partners that there's a lack of food and enough money to pay for it up here, and bring the salvage up so we can build you all shelters for the winter"

- Bilbo like yes OBVIOUSLY i'm going to feed and house you all, how dare you have to ask

- Bilbo setting Gandalf to breaking rocks on the lee side of the mountain so they need less salvage to build with, oh I'm sorry did you want to help shovel dragon dung instead, ah yes that's what I thought

- idk what this does for the orc army but that's not the point

Bilbo: Seriously, Thranduil, what do you care if it takes another century or two to get some pretty rocks. You're an ELF. You're already fifty thousand years old or something ridiculous like that. Bilbo: You basically let thousands die and went to war over the equivalent of a one-month delay in shipping.

Now, if he'd had ANY sense, instead of being a Karen... Thror: Nope I'm keeping them MINE ALL MINE ALL THE GOLD IS MINE Thranduil: . . . Thranduil: Eh, you'll die off soon enough. I'll just call your descendents until one is sane enough to honor the contract.

Thranduil: We elves have songs longer than this shipping delay. Thranduil: I think I'll go listen to one.

But that did not happen! Instead it was more

Legolas like "dad could u stop being so horrible u are embarrassing our entire family"

Legolas like "dad stop screaming at the teenage cashier over your 25 cent coupon"

Thranduil: I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER

Fili and Kili: ooooh, he wants to speak to the manager~ Bilbo: I AM THE MANAGER

[apenapaperandadoofus]

When did you find out about MM and how?

I had to write this whole thing again DAMMIT TUMBLR

So, I first found out about MM while browsing the play store, I found it and saw cute fellas so I said why not? I think it had already been released for a few months. And it was back when it looked like this:

Awww brings back memories doesn’t it?

Anyhow, I uninstalled it because I was still on fucking school, and I couldn’t really take my phone out to check the chatrooms lmao. I remember I was playing Zen’s route, since at the time I was a hoe for all them flirty guys (oh how the turned have tables)

Then, in late 2017-early 2018 I found the game again. And I was like you know what? Let’s play. At this point I had logged in as a guest (my dumbass hadn’t registered before) and I think since it was like the time for Christmas and New Years, I got a buuunch of hourglasses. I honestly have no idea how I got that many, but I had enough to unlock deep story.

And off to romance Seven I went (leaving Zenny’s route for the second time, RIP lmao)

I fell in love with that dumbass, and I still had enough hourglasses to buy the SE, I will admit, they really made me feel some things.

I mean imagine my shock, since I just got the Mint Eye thing out of nowhere (without having it build up with the other routes lol) and the amount of plotwists!!! It was great.

I also remember crying. I think I was close to tears when V died, since from what I had seen I was feeling pretty bad for the dude, and had shifted the whole blame on Rika. The point where I cried though, (TW depression, suicide) was when Saeran talked about ending his life. It just resonated so much with me at the time, and I just felt my heart break to see him feeling the same way I did.

I remember after playing Sevens route I just uninstalled the game again since I wasn’t really interested in the other characters (IM SORRY MY CHILDREN.)

Then let’s do a time skip to like, late 2019. I was browsing Pinterest (I was a Pinterest gal lmao) and I found a meme about Saeran from MM, with Ray as easy mode, suit as medium and then unknown as hard, and I was like: wut

I did know there were two new routes (also I didn’t connect it was Saeran for some reason? Ma’am tf why u so dumb PFT) and I put it off until chirtmas, where I was having a super though time, and I decided to play the game again. (First I played Saeyoungs route though lol, I needed to refresh my memory a bit, and that’s when my view on various things began to change)

Thinking about it, I honestly have really blurry memories of the first time I played the Another Story routes. I was in such a fucking dark place, and I think playing the game sometimes made me super tired (the ending was worth it tho, it was my emotional support)

I remember when I got the prologue, and I was so freaking excited (I bought the hourglasses lol) and- lord. WHEN WE GET TO MINT EYE

OUR ROOM

THE MUSIC

THE FREAKING MUSIC

Can I just say, I got goosebumps, I was in such a depressed mood before but that music? It made me shift completely, I cannot explain how happy I felt, how giddy and bubbly, it’s so weird but I rarely feel like that (unless I listen to music.) I was SO EXCITEDDDDD.

I played Ray’s route first, and I fucking FELL IN LOVE. Now, like I’ve said before, I am not one to fall for the cute cinnamon rolls, and if I didn’t know that Ray could be the angsty Unknown we all know, I would’ve probably ignored him at first. BUT I LOVED IT. I loved the Suit story line (I still don’t know if it was portrayed in the best way, and I’m not trying to romanticize the whole MPD) but I loved how we were able to see how deep Ray’s character was. He has such deep scars, and he’s the one that also goes through a LOT of development during the whole storyline. I loved it, everything about it.

Then for V’s route. I had everything planned btw , I was going to play his route and then Jumin’s (I had tried to before I remember, like, when I downloaded it again, I was going to play Jumin’s route and got the BE1 lol, I then decided to go for Saeyoung.)

V’s route broke my heart, especially because of Saeran.

I have said this before too, but I see V more as a friend, and I was never really interested in romancing him, he’s a good guy and he’s cute, yes, but he’s just not my type. Anyway you all know how I feel about V’s route LMAOO.

I loved seeing Rika more though, I thought that was great.

After that heartbreak instead of playing Jumin’s route I did Ray’s again lmao, my heart just couldn’t handle it.

Then school began again, and oop there goes MM....

OR DOES IT?!

When quarantine began I played Ray’s route again (can you tell how obsessed I am?) and then Jumin’s route. Then I think I played Sevens route again, and this time I did not enjoy it as much because I fell head over heels for Jumin.

Note: when I first installed it, in 2017? I DID NOT like Jumin. But now I love him so much, he’s so adorable and cute. I just can’t with him.

I also decided to buy all the DLCs, I was so excited for Rika’s behind story (but also kinda mad?? Lmao, but it all wet away when I saw THR YOUNG SAEYOUNG SPRITE I SQUEALED) that’s when I began to analyze Rika and began to understand her more as a character.

Then I played the other routes, and then I played Saeran’s AGAIN

Then after like, six months I fell into the deep tumblr MM hole, and one night at 3am I thought: let me make a friggen blog

And here we are!

Sorry for giving you the whole life story lmao, I just started rambling, but thank you for reading this far :D

And that folks, is how I became the MM hoe I am today 😌 (hope this is the story I tell to my grandchildren)

[yay-depression]

hi hello, i would kind of just like to rant about being in the category of “you don’t have adhd but you don’t not have adhd”

and to preface this: i typically say i have adhd bc it is the only way i can

get ppl to take my symptoms and modifications seriously

explain my problems to ppl without having to go into the rabbit hole that i’m about to go into

so, now that thats out of the way, let’s begin:

i was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder when i was six. it’s a pretty useless diagnosis (in my opinion) bc it’s kinda just like “you have a lot of everything and u just have normal person anxiety but like worse” the clusters i had when i was diagnosed were:

panic disorder

phobias

OCD

social anxiety disorder

and generalized anxiety disorder

i never had separation anxiety and back then no one brought up PTSD so, that’s where that list ends. essentially this caused a shit ton of symptoms all of which were absolutely awful and very disabling. my anxiety is so severe that it’s classified as a mental disability, which is uncommon.

one of the things about having severe anxiety is that it causes a bunch of symptoms that people don’t associate with anxiety.

there was a point where doctors thought i was having seizures, but it was just my anxiety.

i experienced psychosis (and still occasionally do) which was a result of my anxiety (now more likely a result of my depression but who tf knows tbh)

as of now i no longer have phobias but i still have all the other clusters.

all of my anxiety symptoms are pretty well managed to the point where my teachers and peers are actually shocked when they hear i have anxiety at all. (it’s the fact that i’m on a shit ton of meds and i’ve been in therapy for a decade, trust me I didn’t just grow out of it)

my anxiety is also so severe that it causes problems with executive functioning.

I have absolutely no concept of time, none whatsoever, which is something ppl say like “oh haha yeah i have no concept of time either” but they can still be like “oh don’t worry you were only gone like five minutes” literally you could leave me in a room for five minutes or five hours and it fucking feels the same.

i have a very difficult time remembering things, i have to set at least three alarms for something or i will forget it is happening. i have a routine, any time that routine is broken or something, it’s really hard to get to the thing that breaks the routine or even remember that the thing exists.

i need my brain to be stimulated at all times. any moment without at least mild stimulation feels like actual hell. i can’t fall asleep in silence bc the period of time in between being awake and falling asleep is so torturous for me that i’ll have meltdowns over it.

also i have periods where i’m like “if there is any sound other than the one i am focusing on i will kill everyone.” which makes school a real joy /s

i have very particular touch stimulation problems?? some textures make me tic, thinking about some textures will actually make me tic, sometimes i can’t touch stuff but then the day after i want to roll in it.

i have no idea what step comes where when getting ready to leave someplace. i literally made flash cards with my therapist bc i have such a problem getting ready for things. i don’t know what to do at the 15 minute mark without my flash cards, or the 10 minute mark, or the 1 minute mark.

part of needing to be stimulated all the time; i can follow five things at once (unless one of them is reading in which case i need white noise and nothing else or i will scream). i constantly have three or more things that i am doing and having only one thing happening is so goddamn difficult it makes me cry occasionally.

i hyperfocus sometimes, it hasn’t happened in a bit but i did have a time where i spent two straight days studying nuclear energy. i spent like three months study forensic psychology at a college level for some fucking reason. i spent a solid few months of my life where i was pouring all of my time into serial killers and their cases. i memorized an entire band’s discography in one day. i memorized hundreds of facts about another band months later. it’s kind of a problem, i lose sleep over it and i put off school work and social activities because i can’t get it out of my head.

sometimes just vibes from a room will make me want to explode. i’ll get sensory overload from there being no sensory?? like i’ll walk in a room and be fine, and then walk in another room where almost nothing has changed and suddenly i’m about to rip my head off.

this (and other reasons) led me to asking my psychiatrist if i could get an adhd screening. he said yes, i have yet to send some of the paperwork to my teachers i’m sorry. but according to my mom’s account i do not meet the requirements for having adhd. now, there’s a whole other rant i could go on about how that’s a faulty way to diagnose stuff but we’re not gonna do that.

my psychiatrist did however say that it’s very complicated because my anxiety is so bad that it has symptoms that look like adhd and he’s not sure if they are or not. i also have clinical depression which causes symptoms of adhd as well. i’m also apparently on two adhd meds already (which i was unaware of when asking for the test) and that complicates the results even more.

anyways rant over. basically i have adhd but i don’t but i do but we’re not sure and i rly just want my brain to be normal bc i’m sick of not being able to do things.

[askjoshuafreeman]

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

[hiuythn]

sorry to ask, but i saw u shared hc for the sick anon, im going thru a rough patch and ur fic rly cheered me up. Can i get some hcs as well?

this is how keith asks lance to marry him:

so we all know how from the beginning, from the moment things got resolved at the end of tnahp, that keith’s been upfront about never leaving lance. everyone knows he’s going to put a ring on that. he’s said it to lance’s face. “what else am i gonna do with you?”

it’s not until six years later that he actually does anything though. mostly bc of the war and the aftermath.

the team are in a meeting with the coalition, boring stuff, routine stuff, and the mind link is closed, bc sometimes keith and lance need breaks. he’s lucky that it was, though, because what happens next in his mind would’ve been enough to make lance fall out of his seat and ruin the meeting and coran would’ve killed them both lmao

lance is paying attention even though he looks just as bored as keith. diligent, as always. he’s even got a holoscreen projected, taking lazy notes. there are faint little sketches of the coalition members and the team. one is of shiro, snoring, comical Zs above his head. keith bites down on his cheek.

lance is twirling the pen in his left hand.

keith looks at that and thinks, loud and clear, there should be a ring on his finger.

he sits back.

huh.

it should be a surprise, he decides after a quiet minute. lance deserves that. it should be at the right moment, the right words, the right place. it should be soft and genuine and such a sweet shock that it takes lance seconds to reply. it should make his blue eyes fill with tears, it should make him curl into a ball before keith, who’ll still be kneeling, ring box open and laughing at him because wow, that’s nice reaction, lance. it should be a proposal so perfect that it makes lance kind of mad, makes him shove keith, makes him pout that frustrated-loving-happy pout.

(bros, as a gay, this is kind of really fucking gay)

keith spends the rest of the meeting laying out proposal plans. lance gets exasperated when he finds out keith remembers nothing of the meeting. “dude, you--tell me again, who’s the leader of voltron, here?” “it’s allura.” “....okay, but who flies bl--”

and some people might ask, what’s the point, if you’re already levertan-married? if you’ve mind-linked and basically achieved the pinnacle of ‘joining hands in holy matrimony’?

keith’s answer would probably be something like ‘fuck off, i love him that’s why’

(ngl that’s hella romantic. no? just me?)

the long answer is that he knows lance is a romantic. that he really likes gestures of affection, that his face gets all rosy and he always tries to bite back his smiles, and he gets so pleased and flustered and also adorably angry every time keith does anything for him. keith’s in love with that. he goes absolutely dumb over making lance happy, he’s fucking obsessed with it. every neuron in keith’s stupid head is devoted to lance like 24/7.

(it’s a given that lance is the same, if not worse. how tf do they get anything done?)

plus, levertan-married doesn’t really mean the same as human-married.

so keith--somehow--manages to pull off thinking up proposal plans without closing the link, without lance knowing--maybe bc his thoughts are purposefully fragmented like ‘white chocolate? milk?’ or ‘speakers? mic?’ or ‘beach sand feels sandy’ and yes it sounds absolutely dumb but it’s clever because after a while lance tunes it out. though, at the beginning, it really fucking worried him because it sounded like keith was having a stroke LMAO

over the next couple months, keith steadily puts his plan together: get the ring, figure out what to say, speak to allura about detouring to earth for some r&r, speak to shiro about not fucking things up for keith because i know you’ll do that somehow shiro no are you serious of course you would you’re evil do you even remember that time i said no to inviting people for my fourteenth birthday and you did it anyway even though i was looking forward to just playing video games for the whole day??? i had to deal with james griffin in my goddamn house you ass--

the day keith asks, everything--surprisingly--goes really well? like suspiciously so. like keith’s really glad but he’s itching to reach for his knife by the end of it, bc he was prepared for shiro to have done sth by now. 

but nah, keith and lance have a lovely day hanging out, doing activities keith planned and things lance spontaneously suggests. the weather is a perfect breezy, sunny day. when the sun sets they wordlessly head for the beach. lance chases keith though the surf. they throw clumps of wet sand at each other. keith hoists lance in his arms, listening to him yell as keith spins them around. lance picks him up and tosses him into the shallows, that fucking jerk. lance gets keith to forgive him. lance gives keith his shirt, goes half-naked for keith’s shivering form. ‘i’m going to get a cold,’ lance says. ‘and i’m not?’ keith snorts. they walk down the beach and lance tells him stories, pointing to this rock or that spot and saying oh i broke my arm there or dude i saved a baby turtle from a seagull that day and keith soaks it all up like he’s the sand and lance is the ocean waves, coming back to him every time.

lance hops onto a rock, demonstrating to keith how he used to pretend he was a sea prince looking for mermaids. the winds play with his hair, the setting sun brushing golden against his bare chest and the grin on his lips. like this, he’s a foot or two taller than keith.

keith gets down on one knee.

it’s lance’s fault that the ring box is damp, but he’s lucky this thing is olkari-made, because when keith opens it up, the ring shines just as bright as lance. almost as bright. it tries its best but keith really only has eyes for his soulmate.

keith says:

every day, i want to choose you. every day, i want to get to choose you. every day, growing up like i did, was spent learning what i needed to live, what food or drink or mantra was needed to make it another day alone. my body forced to me to focus on its needs, on the bare essentials. if i went a month without a caring touch, it didn’t matter, because it hadn’t killed me yet.

before i fell for you, i don’t think i knew what it meant to want. i never had a chance to think about it, a second to indulge. if i wanted a home, a family, it was a weakness, a distraction, and i couldn’t let myself admit it. so i never learned to want.

the only other thing that comes closest to what i feel for you is probably flying. it’s that addiction to diving through the clouds, it’s free-falling, it’s soaring with my heart in my throat. and even then, even now that i know you, it doesn’t quite compare. it’s a poor substitute.

in this world we exist in, where some force out there knows exactly what we need, who we need, it’s kind of a miracle that i still got to choose you. i’m glad i got the moments where it hurt to think of you, because i wanted you so bad i couldn’t stand not having you. i’m glad i got to slowly realize that you were everything to me, on my own time. it was my own conclusion, my own resolution to love you because you were you, and not because you were someone i was supposed to love. the universe kind of tricked us, but i think she meant well.

and now i know, that even in a world where soulmates didn’t exist....i know i’d still want you.

i want to want you, every day. i want to wake up wanting you, every day, fall asleep wanting you every night. i want to leave for missions wanting you, want to stay behind watching you go, wanting you to return faster than you can. i want you to want me, too. i want a ring on our fingers, reminding me that you do, that you feel the same and you always will.

i want to marry you, lance mcclain.

will you marry me?

[hannafuckingsucks]

hey guess what uuuuuuh. today apparently was sompfd thoughts day™ on discord so I came up with a super cute n fluffy Hardzzello headcanon! this was all fueled by Joe's birthday post for Ben and the video of Ben gettin kissed on the cheek 😌 big help came from @walking-in-a-daze by making noises of encouragement at me while I spammed the chat with my brain barf lol, and for helping me to get the perfect final scene 🤭

(1,3k words oopsie)

ok without further ado, some very emotional thoughts™ about two headasses:

•°•°•°•°•°•

the thought of Ben and Joe just slowly getting more comfortable with physical contact!!!

like they are just friends first, of course. 

but both of them get very touchy-feely when drunk

it starts with just a hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back. 

or a hug with some extra room for the holy spirit in the crotch area at the end of the  night

but as months go on they get hella comfortable w each other

like public dancing

holding hands

touching their faces

kissing cheeks

idk I just get so soft thinking about them being so sweet and intimate and uuh BABIES

mmmmm the thought of them both being piss drunk one night and

idk Ben gets lost somewhere and Joe is so worried and runs around like "where is Benny?????"

and Ben just shows up after 15 minutes like "sowwy I was at the loo and aiming was hard lmao"

and Joe is so relieved that he's ok, he hugs him soo tightly

and when he finally let's go he cradles Ben's face in his hands and looks into his eyes and says how worried he was and how happy he is that he's fine

and Ben just giggles non stop because he's kinda embarrassed but also so happy 

AAAAAAAAA I'm gonna punch a wall

like I imagine the rest of the gang being there too, Gwil, Rami, Lucy etc.

they are not nearly as drunk as those two and they find it so cute but also constantly have to roll their eyes at those idiots

lovely thought: one of them *accidentally* takes home the other

like they talk about something while they are on their way home and they are really captured by the conversation 

and then it's just "oh we are at your flat Joe"

so Ben's like "I really should get going but-"

and then they talk another 20 minutes at the door step

and Joes just like "c'mon man. please come in. you can crash in my bed, I'll take the couch"

so they get in and they keep talking and Joe starts to get some bedding for the couch

but Ben feels kinda bad like "joe buddy, cmzon, I'll take the couch. I don't want your old man back to feel stiff tomorrow morning" with a wink

like the cheeky piece of shit he is lol

which ends in a lil fight because Joe is "old" but Ben is the guest!

but it's a king-size bed so it wouldn't even be that awkward

they just both look at it for a second, then at each other and 

they BoTH would REALLY love to sleep next to each other. to.. to feel each others warmth uhm

but they are both too pusseyy™ to admit that of course

the situation gets kinda tense

because who will say they want it first??

the answer is no one

but in the end one can talk the other into at least sharing the bed

so the bed is absolutely big enough for both of them, they got plenty of space, even jesus would approve.

but they unconsciously inch closer to each other in their sleep 

shocking, I know

and they wake up somehow spooning

plot twist of the century. revolutionary

I'm imagining Ben as the big spoon because he's bigger. y'know, wider. buff bapey boy

oh and Joe is awake already for like half an hour in the morning but he doesn't want to move because he feels so warm and save in Ben's ARMS. have you seen those guns? magnificent

it's a little awkward when they both wake up finally and Ben just keeps apologizing, feeling like he overstepped boundaries

so Joe has to stop his rambling

and they have a somehow uncomfortable but also intimate talk about how this is not a big deal and everything

about how they both are comfortable with being so physically close AAA 😩

it's very soft but also fueled by sexual tension y'know

Joe is able to talk about this in a very calm and collected manner 

but on the inside hes screaming to himself

about how in love he is 

it's one of those angel vs devil inside-dialogues like  "TELL HIM" "no I can't" "you COWARD" "HE'S MY FRIEND" "YOU LOVE HIM" "so WHAT if I do but he's my BRO" "BRO THAT YOU'D LIKE TO FU-" "shuT UP"

after they talked and made peace with the situation they get breakfast together uwu

or brunch. with mimosas like a true couple

but the are just friends!!!!!!! ;) ;) ;)

but they both still think a lot about their current situation

Ben might feels very conflicted and doesn't know how to handle this stuff and all those new emotions

he just never felt like that before

he just has this... fragile bro masculinity

the classic "I'm not gay but if I was.." dilemma oh poor baby

but now they BOTH constantly have the "I'm not gay I just love my friend" thought and honestly that makes me crack tf up

like. "I love him I would die for him oh my god! but I'M NOT G-" 

and one day Joe just has to talk about it with someone 

he just has to get it off his chest

and so he spills the beans to Gwil like "idk bro I just love him and he's my best friend and I just wanna spend all my free time with him. I mean I'm not gay but sometimes I imagine living in a cottage with Ben and 4 adopted dogs and two goats. we could grow our own vegetables in the garden too. I saw this YouTube video about this one lady that-"

and Gwil just goes "Joe that is so gay please stop lying to yourself"

a Joe's just like :O

so Gwil's like "listen. maybe you are not gay gay, as in homosexual BUT. you are very gay for Ben and that's honestly not a surprise to me anymore because I've been watching you two for some time now and wow. might as well just propose already you dumb bitch"

and Joe's just like

so Ben also goes for advice from Gwil

poor Gwil has to deal with all this bullshit :/

Ben's like "Gwil I need to talk to you about Joe" and Gwil just sighs and looks into the camera like he's on the office

Ben's kinda mad at himself because why the fuck would he feel feelings like this???

he currently is very irritated by said feelings and how he's not able to handle them

Ben's like "never in my life have I been soft, I don't know what to do?!"

and Gwil says "Ben you literally cried last week when we watched Aristocats"

so Gwil is trying to calmly explain to Ben that it's ok for him to feel like this and that he gets it, that it can be scary and weird at first but Ben still should be true to himself etc etc

and Ben's just like "..... ok. But. WHAT IF I AM JUST STUPID and Joe only likes me as a bro"

this goes back and forth for a while and Gwil tries his best to stay neutral 

because he really doesn't want to intervene too much by telling Ben about his talk with Joe

but after the 6th time of Ben doubting everything he snaps

"BEN GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUTA YA ASS YOU BLIND IDIOT bloody hell! first him and now you! why can't you just both be blunt and TALK?!"

"first him.. what?"

and Gwil just goes "I shouldn't have said that. I should NOT have said that" like full-on Hagrid in the philosopher's stone

and Ben's takes his time realizing what Gwil just said and his brain slowly begins to connect the dots

so the situations just them staring at each other like

Gwil:

Ben:

anyway, this is the end. I would love to let them fuck but uuh. dumbasses don't deserve it yet. this would need a, as @cherries-n-rocknroll fittingly described it, good short 15k pining fic! I agree, but I can't do that 💞

if you got this far, thank you, I hope you got to laugh as much as we did! ✨♥️

[squidgytoebeans]

The Telstra Saga Continues.

If you’ve been following me long enough, you’ll probably know all about the issues hubby and I have been having with Telstra, one of the largest telecommunications providers here in Australia.

Buckle up folks, it’s gonna be a long one...

If you already know the backstory you can skip to the section after the sentence “So here’s where the new nonsense starts” for the new gory details.

We were without internet for almost three months when we first moved here because the previous tenant had no cancelled her account after she moved out. Then, even though we had documented proof that we live here now, when they rang her to ask if they could disconnect the line, she said she still lived here... because she didn’t wanna pay the $178 bill. For three months this woman held out phone/internet line hostage and Telstra, who own the line, said they couldn’t do anything about it. Anyway, ancient history, that problem was solved eventually when she finally gave them a date of when she was “going to move out”.

Then for over 12 months after that we battled with them over a slow connection that they kept telling us was “fine on their end” and refusing to send a technician out. Then when they finally caved and sent someone out that man was incredibly rude and sexist towards me (rolling his eyes at my husband every time I spoke even though I have a Diploma in IT and know more about these kinds of things than my husband) and didn’t touch a single thing when he was here. All he did was reiterated the default stance of “Everything looks fine on our end, there’s nothing I can do”.

In the end we made a complaint to the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman (which costs Telstra $3000 every time someone makes a complaint regardless of what said complain is) and they managed to force Telstra to send out another technician... who called 10 minutes before he was supposed to be here and said, and I quote, “Everything looks fine on our end, I don’t see any reason to come there. Besides, I have a corporate client that I have to deal with today and the big guys are more important, you know?”.

So I rang our case handler at the TIO and they told them if they didn’t get a technician out here asap, the fines would get bigger and they’d be in a lot more trouble. The next day a technician actually showed up (this one was surprisingly really nice!) and it took him literally two minutes to find the problem. All he did was poke the modem once, the internet cut out, and he didn’t need to do anything else to figure it out. Literally all he had to do was touch the modem with the tip of his finger. 12 months. OVER 12 months, and not a single person bothered to think “maybe the modem is faulty”. He replaced the modem on the spot, and the cables just in case, and problem solved.

Telstra also refused to compensate us in any way for the 12+ months of pathetic internet service (we literally couldn’t even load Gmail at all) and disgusting customer service, so that was cool too, but whatever the problem was solved and that’s really all I wanted.

So here’s where the new nonsense starts.

Cut to about 6 months later with no problems and it’s time for hubby and I to get new mobile phones; our contracts are almost up and they sent us a message saying we could take advantage of their new swap and go lease where all we have to do is give our old phones back and we get brand new ones for $0. So we decided to head down to the local Telstra shop to get ourselves a couple of brand new Samsung S9s, because why not.

During the process I decided to go for the S9 Edge (hubby got the standard S9). I was little bit hesitant about it because it was an extra $20 a month and our bill with them was already quite big with our landline (which we never use but we have to have to get internet), internet and cable all being bundled through them. However, after looking at our account, the sales assistant (if I could remember his name I would 100% put him on blast right now but I can’t) looked through out account and said “I see you guys don’t use your landline at all, why don’t I drop that down to the $79 plan from $95 and you can make up the extra that way?”.

Now, pay attention because this is key the part right here.

Because we’ve had so many problems with Telstra in the past, I said to him “Will that affect anything else in the bundle?” and his reply was, and again I quote, “Nope, it’ll just drop your landline bundle so that you don’t have as much calls available each month but you never use it so that should be fine.” Alright, cool, we changed everything over and went on our way, happy with our new phones.

Oh how naive we were.

The next month when the bill arrives... it’s almost twice would it should be! We were expecting a large bill because hubby’s phone screen was cracked and they had to charge us for that, but not THAT big a bill! But, we weren’t able to access the bill online for some reason so we ended up having to ring them to find out wtf was going on.

Turns out sales douche didn’t change our landline plan, no no, he added it on top of the already existing one! So they were trying to not only charge us for the old $99 plan, but the new $79 one too, as though we had two landlines in the house! It was also during this phone call that we found out that, contrary to what sales douche told us, our internet HAD been affect by the change in plan; it went from unlimited data usage to 1500gb a month. That may not seem like a big deal, and it’s not really because we never even use that much, but when someone tells you a change isn’t going to affect anything; you believe them!  But again, whatever, the problem was solved, the charge for the extra landline was removed from our account and we paid the bill.

It was also during this call that we decided to cancel our cable TV. We never watch it and it’s just a waste of money, so we told them to cut it off and we sent the box back.

Cut to another month later, and our bill comes again... or rather it doesn’t. We get a notification saying the bill is ready to be viewed and we can see the total — WHICH IS WRONG AGAIN — but yet again, we can’t access the actual bill to see why it’s wrong. Another call, another “oh dear, we forgot to remove the charge for the cable” and it’s “fixed” again.

Are you seeing the pattern yet?

At this point, I’m beginning to feel sorry for the poor people who have unwittingly set up direct debits with Telstra and don’t bother to look at their bills before they’re charged, how many of those poor people have been ripped off by these arseholes this way?

So about a week ago I get another notification telling me this month’s bill is ready ... and we can’t access the full bill again. And yet again it’s wrong! They STILL haven’t taken off the cable even though we cancelled it and sent the box back almost two months ago. Why am I not surprised? It seems another call is in order and hell, while we’re at it, why don’t we find out why tf we can never seem to access our bill and also complain about the slowness of the internet that’s happening yet again the past few months.

Here’s where it get hilariously fucking annoying and aggravating...

Turns out the reason we can’t access our bills everyone month is because of something sales douche did when he was changing our plan. No one knows what he did or how he managed to fuck it up so badly, but whenever the automated process that handles credits tries to credit off the cable every month it can’t and then it keeps getting stuck in a loop of trying to fix itself and I keep getting notifications saying the bill is ready when it’s not.

Oh but it gets better... remember when sales douche said dropping the landline down to the lower plan wouldn’t affect anything else on our account, just the landline? Lies. Utter lies. Not only did it drop back our data allowance as I mentioned before... BUT IT ALSO DROPPED OUR CONNECTION TO A LOWER SPEED! Now, call me crazy but that seems like it’s affecting more than the landline doesn’t it? I’m pretty certain during the hours it took him to set up our new phones I even told him about all the issues we’d had with Telstra in the past and that the reason I wanted the Galaxy S9 Edge was because it came with a larger data plan, which I needed because our home connection was too slow to stream. I’d like to know in what universe he thought we would be ok with dropping our fucking connection speed!? Was he high!? Or was he just like every other damn Telstra employee who knows sweet fuck all about what they’re talking about because the company is a piece of shit? That sounds about right to me.

So now, we can either deal with the slower speed, or we can pay an extra $10 a month to go onto a faster speed that claims it will give us up to 45mbps which sounds fantastic because that’s like 4x the speed we had before all of this BUT if you’re Australian you’ll know that that “UP TO” part is a key marketing strategy with Telstra. Sure you MIGHT get up to that speed... if you live in the middle of a large city or right on top of an exchange, but even then it’s highly unlikely. No one EVER gets the speeds they’re promised from Telstra.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why not ditch Telstra and go with a different provider? Oh, my sweet summer child, if only it were that simple. Telstra is the largest communications industry in Australia and as shocking as it may be to believe, Telstra is the most reliable of all of them all. Their cell service has better range than any of them (which is important when you live in a rural area like we do) and even if we went with another company, there would be no guarantee we’d get a more stable internet connection because Telstra literally own all of the lines and the other companies simply rent them. There’s a reason you might hear many Australians complain about the internet, and that’s because Australia literally has worse internet than some third-world countries and we pay through the nose for it.

I did warn you about it being a long one didn’t I? lol So all we can do now is wait and see if the this supposedly faster 45mbps is actually what they say and go from there and if it’s not... someone is going to lose an eye.

[canaryatlaw]

well, today was a lot. mostly not in a good way. I’m so pissed about this case, fuck not bringing your work home, my work IS my life, there’s no way to keep them separate when they’re the same thing. I’m never going to get to the point where I can just walk away from a case with someone being left in danger and feel apathy, and I certainly never would want to feel that way. sigh. so here I am, horrendously mad about a case going wrong, and this is the same way I would feel as a volunteer, except then I’d have no way to remedy it, what happened is what happened, there wasn’t anything I could do about it. but that’s not the case now. there are ways I can fix this, and I sure as hell am going to do all I can to make that happen. sigh. I guess I should start with the beginning. I woke up randomly some time before I needed to but couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up and made blueberry pancakes, because that’s the only logical solutions to situations like this. so it was my clinic day again, since now I have two days a week every other week as opposed to every 4 weeks since we tweaked the system somewhat, and my work load wasn’t supposed to be affected, because it was my coworkers who were changing balance, and I was supposed to be the same. so now one of them only ever has 1 clinic day a week (and more cases) and the other always has 2 clinic days a week (and less cases) and I was perfectly fine with remaining at an equal balance like we had been, but since things got shifted it’s just me and my boss that gets shuffled for that last day of the week, as opposed to all four of us. so that’s not my favorite thing, but to be honest I’ve been bored for most of the week with nothing to do, so at least it provided some work. I was also able to make a breakthrough on a situation I’ve been dealing with for over a week now, trying to figure out how to get this person served, and when I got in contact with the right people (who I did not think would be the right people) the answer was given surprisingly easy, so I’ll take that. otherwise things were relatively calm, though it seemed like a lot of people weren’t able to make contact with their clinic client, but it happens. then there’s this case (the one that blew up) that needed an unusual interpreter (the court generally has Spanish and Polish on same day call, but everything else needs a few days notice), however I hoped it would be quicker than normal because I would imagine it’s a lot easier to get an interpreter on zoom than get them to a physical courthouse. I’m telling y’all, we’re not going back, months before quarantine the chief judge was dead set against letting someone who lived in MINNESOTA testify over skype. things are a lot different know, that’s for sure, and access to parties like this is not going to go away. but anyway, it seems I was right and they scheduled it for this afternoon. well, things did not go according to plan. I’ve seen a lot of cases go the wrong way, and sometimes it’s unfortunate, but other times it’s horrifying, and that’s where we were today. We’re technically not really supposed to get involved with the hearing because we’re not representing, just helping facilitate and clarify anything if needed (basically considered and advocate the court decided) but I was getting into it and I considered being like “one minute you’re honor, (client), would you like me to be your lawyer? okay for the record rachel from job for the petitioner, requesting leave to file my appearance” and basically just jump onto the case like that but we were at a point where I didn’t think it would make a difference. so the whole thing got dismissed, and I was speechless, like I could see my face on the fucking screen and my eyes got huge and I was so shocked, I swear tf I’m never forgiving this judge for this, it was absolutely unnecessary and I honestly think it’s because he’s new and younger, and one of the more experienced judges wouldn’t get hung up on such a stupid technical issue. and of course the client is sobbing and I can barely tell her through the interpreter that we weren’t giving up and we’d fix this, and the language barrier was SUCH a giant pain I hated it so much. so that happened, but the good news is we have options and can file for a slightly different type of order we don’t usually handle, but we’re obviously making an exception here. Of course I had the forms completed in all of 20 minutes, and I reframed the affidavit to make it more focused on what we were now focusing on. so that’s all ready to go, subject to the client’s approval in the morning. the thing I did email my boss about was being like I would feel so much better about this situation if I could go into it representing her as her attorney, in which I would basically control the entire hearing, and I can make sure what happened today doesn’t somehow, incredibly bizarrely (but still) happen again. And I do feel really guilty because this was a technical issue and we were the ones with the forms and affidavit and I just feel fucking awful about all of it and I need to fix it, dammit, I know there will be situations like this that will royally suck and there isn’t anything I can do about it (had a few of them already), but in this circumstance there’s a way I can fix it, so I have to make it happen. I’m just praying we’re able to pull this off tomorrow and the court doesn’t start bitching at us about the interpreter or whatever else they may take issue with, which is really anything at this point. but I was asking my boss specifically because we don’t usually handle this type of order, and I didn’t really know how different they are in terms of going forward with the case but I would be down to stay on it, or if needed we can do the emergency and at first return court do a substitution of counsel with a nonprofit that handles them, which would be a lot smoother than trying to just represent her for the emergency hearing, which requires a whole other protocol that’s unnecessarily difficult. so yeah, that’s the plan for tomorrow at least, we’ll see what happens. I finished up the rest of the work for the day, and I am looking forward to my court case in the moment because opposing counsel has done some fucking ridiculous stuff and I just know I’m going to have so much fun with this, so there’s that at least lol. at 7 we finally recorded, not the longest episode (like 40 minutes I think) but long enough, I can live with that. After I listened to a podcast episode for a few, and then went to see what tv I had recorded and found out I didn’t have any Chicago shows episodes which was sad but I watched Black Lightning and Riverdale (lol) so I think I’m caught up to everything now. Riverdale is so fucking funny, I can’t help it, but looking at cole sprouse with chin stubble was a truly disturbing experience I don’t wish to repeat, but it seems like that’s the only real way they have to indicate they’re supposed to have aged and are now closer to the actual ages the actors are, lol. for part of it it looked like they hadn’t properly dyed Archie’s hair and it looked like they just like missed the side of it and it was a whole different color of red, lol weird. when that was over I watched jimmy kimmel for a bit before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here and it’s not horrendously late, so I’m going to see if I can actually get to bed at least a little bit earlier than normal and do that now. Goodnight babes. Happy Friday.

[nneoculture]

hidden relationship w/ idol!yuta (requested)

request: Hii can you pls do Hidden relationship with idol!Yuta? Thanks :)

a/n so i’m guessing you guys really enjoy my hidden relationship scenarios bc i have a johnny and a doyoung one coming up as requested!!! other than that i still have a lot of other stuff in my requests but still feel free to send some here! i probably won’t post another one of these till next week since its project week so i’m gonna be focusing on school :( but please do support my other recent scenario for mark! thank you very much! (this got really long im so sorry)

genre: slight angst, fluff

ok so you're ncts stylist 

so you're always on the go with them and shit and you've actually grown pretty close to them

especially yuta

so yuta ,,,, he's a flirt everyone is aware of this ,,, at first he tried to flirt with you whenever you do his hair

but then after a while, he'd actually talk about pretty interesting things which made u think like ??? oh he's not just some stuck up flirty idol

then yeah you two eventually grew closer which led to him asking you out on a date

by date he means ,,, sneak out at 2 am and eat ramen at a convenience store

but that was fine with you. you understand his situation 

so you've pretty much only been dating for a month and since cherry bomb promotions have been going on, you can't really risk getting him in trouble so you both agree to tell everyone about your relationship after promotions end

so yeah yuta's actually such a good bf

he treats you like a goddess, he literally praises the ground you walk on

you, on the other hand, manage to sneak lil cheek pinches while doing his makeup

you're always like "i don't even have to do your hair it looks good no matter what"

you're just a hidden power couple ya know

yeah ok so one day you're just styling ncts hair and stuff and fixing their clothes for a music video

and johnny's about to do his take and the other stylist is like "hey y/n can u do some final checks on johnny" and ur like yeah sure

so johnny's sitting in the chair next to yuta's and so yeah you're doing final touch ups on johnny

and then he's like "y/n ur really pretty"

and you're like "oh thanks dude"

he's like "are you free after the shoot we should go for some lunch or something"

you glance at yuta and he's staring and u already know hes jealous bc hes so protective of u

you're like "sorry johnny but ill pass i kinda have something going on later"

and he's like "aw are u sure you can't cancel that? its just lunch"

then he turns to yuta and he goes "bro don't you think she should go out for lunch with me?"

yuta's like "idk bro i mean she did say she already has plans tho" and he looks MAD

johnny's like "aye do you have a boyfriend y/n"

you're like "uhhhh yeah"

yuta's like :333 dat me on the inside

johnny's like "oh crap who's the lucky guy!!!!!!"

you're like "oh just some guy you don't know him"

johnny's like "oh well sorry for trying to get at you then man i didn't know" 

ur like "nah its fine jaehyun tried to ask me out once too anyway"

then he goes off to film his take and thats when u realize YUTA DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THE JAEHYUN THING

yuta's like "so jaehyun tried asking you out??"

you're like "yyyyyyeeeeaaaaah"

"and you didn't tell me?"

"yeaaaahhhhhh"

"was it before or after we started dating"

"after"

yuta's like "if it was before would you have said yes"

and you're like "wtf kind of question is that ofcourse not,,,, i had a thing for you"

and he's still kinda insecure but he has to film so he leaves before he can say anything else

and you're like no bby don't feel that way :(:(:( 

so they're taking a 10 minute break and you sneak yuta out back of the warehouse where theres no people

you're like "yo you're probably feeling insecure bc u think i would've dated your other members if you didn't ask first aren't you"

he's just silent and looking at u

you're like "well i wouldn't have dated your other members anyway i always had a special thing for you bc you're an amazing guy and the only one who can make my heart go like 💖💟💗💕💘💓💕💞💜💞💕 this and i only love you"

yuta grins and goes "you love me?"

you're like "i said all that and thats all you got from it?"

he's like "thats the only thing that really matters"

then he pulls you into a really tight hug 

like he's literally squeezing your soul out

then he whispers "i love you too by the way"

and you're like UGHHHDHDHH I LOVE ONE PRECIOUS BOY

and you pull him into a kiss

its cute bitch listen he smiles into the kiss isnt that fucking cute 

then when you pull away you see something in your peripheral vision 

you both turn to see the members staring at yall in shock

they're faces are literally like :O

then doyoungs like "did i just watch a scene from a fucking drama or was that real life"

donghyucks like "HYUNG YOU'RE DATING Y/N??!?!??!!!!!?"

and while they're all in shock their manager follows and goes like "you two. we need to talk"

you're like "aw crap we're so screwed"

so yeah the manager talks about how your relationship is gonna have to be lowkey. like really lowkey. and you both agree bc its better than being split up RIGHT

so after that scary talk yuta's like "that was unexpected"

you're like "that was really unexpected. and its only 2 pm."

then yuta's like "true. so can i get a kiss again"

you're like "fuck off" but you pull him closer anyway and as you're leaning in THE MEMBERS COME IN

THEY JUST COME IN AT THE WRONG TIMES

taeyongs like "are we interrupting something"

jaehyuns like "oh damn i remember i asked you out once y/n im so sorry"

johnny's like "I ASKED YOU OUT THIS MORNING"

and the members are laughing at this and so is yuta

you're like "its okay really johnny"

he's like "NO ITS NOT I EVEN ASKED YUTA FOR HIS OPINION"

AND THE MEMBERS ARE CRACKING TF UP

"AND YOU SAID I DIDNT KNOW WHOEVER YOUR BF WAS. HE WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO US"

and everyones just laughing while you're reassuring johnny that it isnt a big deal

yuta puts his arm around you and he's like "well atleast you guys know now. keep your hands off my lady."

and donghyucks like "thats so gross and cheesy get out"

you're getting shy so yuta pinches your cheek using the hand thats resting on your shoulder

everyone cringes on the outside but they actually find it REALLY cute

so everyone goes back to minding their own business

then yuta whispers "so how about a date after filming? or do you actually have plans?"

you grin and go like "only with you" :)

the end

[callhimyoungk]

zombie apocalypse with Brian AU part 2

okay so the part two is finally up for day6halloweenfest started by @fooderaser after a long time i mean like, why am i being such a lazy ass :/// but i hope this lives up to y’all’s expectations um cause this part is gonna be a little..angsty?? well anyway! happy halloween guys!! 

part one

both of you and brian have been living together for three months now

in this zombie apocalypse it is hard to keep track of time

time feels like forever

not like you are complaining tho, as long as you get to spend those time together with brian ;)

for the past two months, the both of you basically have been living on the road

even though you travelled across few cities and towns, you just couldn't find someplace that is safe and secured enough

that frustrates tf out of you both

the cities are always over populated, hence a lot of zombies

the towns are always running out of supplies very quick

and brian is getting impatient about this

winter is coming very soon and he wants to settle down to get through the winter with enough supplies

you two still need to get more food, water, and clothes and even weapons

you and brian barely have any decent weapons except for a few knives that you guys found here and there and a few baseball bats

brian raided a sports store not long ago and he brought back a bunch of baseball bats,

it isn't the most effective weapon against zombies, but it does its job all right

he always complains about how characters in movies always manage to find weapons like guns that easily

“It isn’t fair for them to give us false hopes like that!”

you are in charge of food rationing

bc never trust Brian around f o o d

nothing makes him happier when you guys successfully raid some stores/homes that have a lot of food stored up

you guys make it a rule to stuff yourselves with as much food as you want to on days that you have a successful raid

he is the happiest at times like that

bc he usually always tries to control himself not to eat too much

he wants to leave more food for you

and also so that you guys would have enough for the coming days

he doesn't strike you as the type who would share his food with just anyone else

but for you, he does

bc he likes you and he wants to look after you

that is also how you noticed that that is one of his ways of showing his feelings for you

he never really acts on his feelings as much as you’d like him to, but you are smart and you figure it out very quick

“Brian, i know you like me,” would probably be the one sentence that you say to him numerous times in a day

especially after he does something incredibly considerate like making sure you have enough to eat, letting you sleep in late in the morning, giving his jacket to you so you could stay warm etc etc

but then he’d always brush it off with a joke

which made you wonder if you are overthinking everything :/

(bRian pls stop being stubborn)

most of the time, you are the one in charged to drive

brian lowkey still doesn’t trust you when you say you are going to drive

“ArE You SuRe YoU wAnT to DriVe?”

"You're welcome to get out of the car anytime if you say another word about my driving skills."

That is your warning 

(that's a big fat lie he never does)

like, you would accidentally crash into a zombie standing in the middle of the road

or you would swerve off the lane sometime (bc you were too busy glaring at brian who is having the time of his life by laughing at you)

but the true reason why he even lets you drive is bc he could lowkey stare at you 

boy, he is smitten with you

(someone pls tell him to accept the fact and just confess)

you two arrive at a small town, and the day is getting dark already

you don't want to stop because you have a bad feeling about this

(first rule in a zombie apocalypse: always trust your instincts)

but brian wants to get more gasoline for the car, and to see if he could find somewhere safe enough to crash for the night

reluctantly, you park the car next to a townhouse

“Stay here until I get back,” he tells you while getting out of the car,, to see if there is any car around that he could siphon the gasoline from

you don't want to stay alone but you still sit patiently and wait for him to get back

ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes,

thirty minutes passed

he is nowhere to be seen

you are getting worried and nervous

what if something happened to him? what if he was in trouble?

worried, you step out of the car

“Brian?” You call out, before realizing you shouldn’t

b i g m i s t a k e

(second rule in a zombie apocalypse: never make too much noise in a quiet area)

you hear the moans and growls of the zombies too late

and too close to you

you only have the time to turn around and immediately is shocked to see a zombie is already right behind of you reaching for you, opening its mouth ready to bite

and a few others following close behind

you stumble back as the zombie stagger towards you

panicked, you trip on a hole on the ground and you fall back, letting out a yelp

the zombie take the chance and lunge towards you again

but the bite never comes

as brian kang arrives,

smashing his bat down on the zombie’s skull, ending its existence

“Why are you out here?!” He hisses at you as he pulls you up from the ground before shoving you behind him

three other zombies come at you guys but brian is quick,

quickly swinging his bat around, knocking two zombies on the ground

while he is preoccupied with those two, the last zombie lunge at brian

and you let out a surprised “Watch out!”

knocked off balance, brian falls to the ground, with the zombie lunging towards him

he tries to hold the zombie off by using his hands somehow

you don't really notice how, all you know is that you need to help him

you scramble towards brian, desperate to help

but brian pushes and kicks the zombie off to the side, before grabbing his dropped bat again and brings it down on the zombie’s misshapen skull

both of you are breathing hard when you meet each other's eyes

without a word, he rushes towards you and pulls you into his arms

and you two just hold onto each other tight, still trying to recover from the shock just now 

“please don’t ever do that again, please don’t scare me like that again.” - brian trying to calm himself down cause he came this close to losing you and he isn’t keen on that happening again 

he tells you that he actually went in the house earlier to scout when you thought maybe something bad had happened to him and that the place is secured enough for the both of you to spend the night 

he is still rambling on what he found in the house before you noticed that something is wrong 

his forearm is bleeding, the red blood dripping down his arm

“Oh my gosh Brian we need to-”

“Oh it’s probably nothing” 

“BRIAN” 

so you both end up in the house somehow, with all the doors locked 

and you’re sitting on the dusty coach with a first aid kit on your lap and brian next to you 

you two are silent while you’re trying to bandage up his arm nicely 

he thinks that you’re just concentrating 

plus, it gives him a chance to openly stares at you ;)

but actually, you are thinking about how close you came to losing him just now, how the zombie was about to bite him 

if brian ever died bc he was trying to protect you, you aren’t sure that you would be able to live through with that 

tears well up in your eyes as you blink, trying to will the tears away as you wrap up the bandages on his arm 

ofc brian doesn’t miss the way how your eyes seem wet suddenly

“Hey, you okay over there?” he tugs on your arm, trying to get your attention 

the way you don’t answer him answers his question 

“Hey, look at me,” he says in a low voice and when you finally face him, he does the most surprising thing by sliding his palm onto your cheek 

you freeZE

and he’s like “I know we’re both worried about each other, but let’s stop blaming ourselves, okay?” 

and then he leans forward, eyes looking into yours before moving to stare at your lips

and then he kisses you, not forehead kisses or cheek kisses that he has been giving you every time he thins you’re asleep

but a full mouth-on-mouth-and-noses-smashing-together-breathing-the-same-air kinda kiss

and it leaves you two breathless and wanting for more

you never though your first kiss with brian is right after a close call with death

but honestly you wouldn’t complain 

he turns back into the shy boy again when he pulls away 

“I’m sorry-”

and you’re like “I’m not” and you pull him back to you again, 

k i s s i n g a g a i n 

and then somehow, after the kissing ends, you two are lying side by side 

okay i mean legs-tangled-arms-around-each-other kinda lying together 

and you two confess about your feelings 

and promise to always stay alive, for each other 

no matter what 

[smengus]

favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM)     there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more. 

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk)    ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8)    ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU)    to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

 ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

 this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

 yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

 ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

 yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

 yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

 ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought  ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by. 

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

 i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

 oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months. 

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

 lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

 ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ.  왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y)    this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about. 

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

 yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

 dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!

[5hfanfiction]

I have an über big crush on you

watt = longerr_hours check out my shit 

So Lauren has no idea how to use uber. She’s always had the app, for emergencies like the one she’s in now (if being stuck at your ex boyfriend’s party at three in the morning is considered an emergency), but she’s never been in one and she isn’t quite sure what the process is. 

Does she talk to the driver? Does she awkwardly sit there for the twenty minutes that it is then give them five stars to make up for the lack of convo? Does she sit in the back, or is that weird (no obviously you sit in the back, but like, still it feels weird). 

She orders one, and it takes a second but then the driver pops up and she thought she’d have to approve of them but like, whatever, and when she click son the picture she’s shocked to see someone so young looking driving. 

She has a 4.9 star rating and it says she’s been doing this for 9 months and almost two hundred drives so Lauren take sit she must be nice and eagerly waits to escape the party that feels it’s been going on for years. 

It’s a small silver car, and like fuck off Lauren doesn’t know cars enough to know the car so don’t h8. But it’s small, and she makes a beeline towards it, dodging the other drunks on the porch and then she’s safely inside, and dace to face with the most beautiful person she’s ever seen. 

“Why hello there, you seem in a rush,” pretty face giggles and Lauren doesn’t car show nerdy that is because it’s so cute coming from pretty face- Camila, her name said Camila. 

“Yeah a little bit,” Lauren laughs, buckling in as Camila pulls off the curb and into the quiet neighborhood. 

“Rough night? Or other? Or something you’re not going to talk to your uber driver about why am I being so pushy?” she jokes and Lauren can’t help but giggle at the girl.

She’s more gorgeous in person, the picture was pretty but it certainly didn’t do her justice, and Lauren wonders if she had a high rating simply because it was an honor to be looking at her. 

“Something like that,” Lauren mumbles, still checking her driver out before shaking her head and continuing so she doesn’t seem rude. “My ex had a party and somehow I ended up there, there with him and it was just, my driver got drunk and I’ve been trying to leave for hours and, yeah that about sums it up.”

And like, she’s glad she got a young driver because she actually feels fine talking about that with her and it’s nice to tell someone else how unfortunate her night has been. 

“Oh yikes,” Camila shudders, extra - ly but Lauren just giggles, glad she’s getting in a better mood already. “I’d have walked home hours ago.”

“I would’ve but I live on the west side of the campus so it’s a bit of a hike,” she replies.

(AN this is a made up campus i d on not know what campus would have a twenty minute erie from one side to the other i am sorry deeply but not really thx u)

“No way! I live by there too, what dorm are you in?”

“I’m in Kingsly,” Lauren replies with a fake gag and Camila laughs, nodding in agreement since that’s known to be a shitty area. 

“I’m Dalton, it’s not that much better but anything is better than Kingsly,” she jokes as Lauren nods in agreement. “What year are you?" 

And like, the girls kind of just click. 

They talk for the whole twenty minutes and Camila thanks Lauren in the end for living close to her so she can end her night back home which Lauren accepts despite having not done it on purpose which Camila shushes her about. 

Lauren spends the night thinking about Camila, and her cute little smile and her cute hair and her cute eyes and her cute self and well, it’s no shock when she finds herself ordering an uber two days later to the library just to see it Camila will get her. (She waits the two days so she doesn’t seem desperate.) And when she sees that Camila is her driver she may or may not do a little happy dance. 

"Long time no see,” Camila grins as Lauren gets not the car. “First partying now library though, I have to say I’m shocked at the change.”

“Oh so partiers can’t be studious too?” Lauren jokes and they easily fall into conversation. 

They fall into such good conversation about books and reading that Camila decides to follow her into the library to check out some stuff but that’s kind of a negative since Lauren didn’t actually plan on staying at the library (she just wanted to see Camila, can you blame her?).

After grabbing a book on something biology related though, Lauren looks studious as fuck and decides to check out. Camila offers her a ride back and Lauren can’t help but grin like a love struck fool when she pulls open the shot gun door and says she thinks they should “take this step in their relationship”. 

And that’s how it starts.

Lauren pretending she need sot go places to talk to Camila, and Camila driving her there and filling her days with jokes and adorableness. 

“Hey super star, what’s cooking?” Camila grins as she leans back in her seat and waits for Lauren to get in. 

“Hallo,” Lauren smiles, not hesitating in unplugging Camila’s phone form the AUX  she learned a while ago that Camila doesn’t mind and turning on her “good vibes” playlist. When “Close” by Nick and Tove Lo fills the air Camila smiles brightly and begins the journey. (Camila has a crush on him, she just won’t admit it, but Lauren doesn’t mind spoiling her with a song every now and then cause who tf don’t have a crush on Nick Jonas.)

She just wanted McDonald’s, and she knows uber delivers food too now, but she’d prefer to get Camila. 

“So you really want that McD’s crap or will you let me get you Wendy’s instead?” Camila cuts in after a second of starting the drive. 

Lauren huffs, pretending to be offended, but answers anyways, “Honestly that’s a hike though, unlike you I ain’t getting paid to spend time with you so I’m feeling the crap.”

Camila looks at the smirking girl for another moment before banging a u-turn and taking off for the city center that Lauren knows the Wendy’s is located. “My treat, the ride and food, consider it payback for you constantly paying my electricity bills with this shit." 

"Wendy’s and the AUX?” Lauren grins, turing up the volume and leaning her chair back to recline, “my kind of date Cabello." 

She loves eyeing Camila blush, so yeah, she says stuff like that a lot since it’s easy to get the other girl to blush. 

And the thing is, they’re kind of kind of dating. Like they go out to lunch a lot now after that time, and usually Camila will cover the food since Lauren covers the gas and such. (One time Lauren even catches her sneaking bill sin to her purse when she goes to the bathroom to pay her back for the drive, and eventually they’re just texting each other to get lunch instead of doing the whole uber thing. 

And the thing is, Lauren really thinks she might be going crazy for Camila. She really likes her and, well Lauren isn’t one to like somebody, she never has and she didn’t think she’d ever be the relationship type if she’s being honest, but something about Camila’s dorky charm and adorable jokes has her smitten. 

She tries to tell her this, but every time she does she trips over hr words and ends up not committing. 

When she finally does tell Camila about her crush, about what’s been on her mind, she does so in probably the most awkward encounter ever. 

She’s cheap, so she always goes for the uber pools, but she’s never had to share a car with someone. Of course though, as soon as she opens her mouth about it her luck changes. 

"Hey Lo what’s-” Camila starts but Lauren cuts her off, wanting to shoot the bull in the horns or whatever the fuck.

“I like you,” she starts as soon as she shuts the door to Camila’s small car. At Camila’s confused look she continues, “I really, really like you and I really have for a while and I, I know we only talk every now and then but I’m crazy about you and-" 

And then the back door is opening, and the man to ruin Lauren’s time to shine steps into the car. 

"Hey sorry, I saw her get in and didn’t know if it was the right car,” he smiles, gesturing towards Lauren as he straps his seatbelt on. 

“It’s fine, it’s, it’s okay yeah it’s greta okay we can go now,” Lauren answers for a still shocked Camila who’s mouth is about flopping at this point.

“Lo I-”

“Drive Camz,” Lauren says under her breath, glad that the man is paying more attention to his phone than their conversation. “We can talk later… or forget it, let’s forget it thank youu.” And yeah, she books it from the car as soon as the car stops. 

(She still gives Camila five stars of course and a five dollar tip for any mental trouble she put her through.)

Camila shows up at her apartment a few days later, no uber request, no call to let her know she’s coming, no knock really, she was just there as Lauren was going out for coffee and when she asked if Lauren would come with her the green eyed girl couldn’t find it in herself to hesitate.

They’d driven by the set up before, but when Camila pulls aside into the lot with the view Lauren thinks maybe this girl is meant for her (if she’s willing to do this cheesy, sappy shit).

It’s almost seven, and it’s mid November so it’s chilly and Camila’s brought blankets to wait for the sun to go down and it’s, quite literally it’s the most perfect thing Lauren could’ve imagined. 

All awkwardness she could’ve expected after their last encounter is gone as she curls up next to Camila and eventually they’re cuddled up on the hood of her car talking about everything and nothing.

Camila ends up holding her, and she also ends up breaking the comfortable silence they fall into once it’s finally dark out.

“Can I tell you something?” Camila asks after a few minutes of silence.  Lauren doesn’t bother lifting her head from the older girls chest, just nods into her because she’s too content in the moment to ruin anything. 

She feels the deep breath Camila takes and notices the shake to Camila’s hand as it rests itself on her waist, curling around her to pull her just a little bit closest before saying, “I kind of have an uber big crush on you,” and yup, Lauren thinks she could fall in love with this girl without trying. 

She does pull back then, but she doesn’t ruin the moment, she makes it better, finally connecting their lips after what’s felt like years, and what has definitely been worth it.

When she finally pulls back it’s because they’re both smiling too hard to keep kissing, so yeah, it’s kind of a perfect moment.  

[inspirationallyinsane]

October 26 2017

Hi Tumblr. It has been a really long time since I've written a post like this. I've been posting some poetry and some pictures though. I don't know. There has been a lot going on in my life, a lot that I felt I couldn't write about but now maybe it's ok. I'm still not sure. Maybe I don't care as much anymore. I guess the biggest thing is that I broke up with AG. Things weren't as good as I made them out to be and I think a lot of you, my readers or whoever, knew that. We are just in very different places. Very different people. I wanted things to be good and I wanted things to work but at this point it looks like everything is done for real. We were quasi back together for a little bit a month or so after we broke up. I was in a weird and lonely place and I think he was too. Not that I can speak for him or know what was going on but I believe that maybe continuing to see him was a mistake. It broke my heart even more and it made it a lot harder to accept everything. Over the last week I struggled a lot. I feel better now. We haven't talked in awhile. I hope he is happy. After AG and I broke up I started dating this guy from work. I was kinda dating him before AG and I broke up if I'm being honest. But I didn't mean to like him as much as I did. I had no idea that things would get to where they were. This guy is really amazing. He's the greatest. And everything with him was so good for a while. He said he loved me and I said I loved him and it all seemed perfect. But then he started getting distant and not talking to me and now we don't talk at all. I am confused and hurt and really sad. I don't understand what happened. I don't know how a person could go from 100-0 so quickly. Part of me believes he was just playing me the whole time. That this was some cruel joke and in all reality he hates me for some reason and so he decided to fuck me over. But that makes no sense. I hadn't talked to the guy before starting work at Target and at least at work I'm a relatively pleasant person. Another part of me really wants to believe him when he says life is just hard for him right now and he has been really busy. I know that if a person cares about you they will make time for you but I would be truly devastated if I thought that he didn't care about me anymore. I know that eventually I will have to face that devastation and I will have to cry about him but I don't want to cry about him yet. I've cried too much already. Interestingly enough, I wrote a few poems about this guy and how I think he might be my next one. My next real love, right? It was always a might be though. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure, the way I was with Austin. And now I am sure. And the only thing that changed was his interest in me. I'm a fucked up kind of person. I can't love someone until they don't love me. What is wrong with me? I think that maybe part of it is that so many people do fall in love with me so easily. And that's not a pompous thing, I just know what I'm doing when it comes to getting certain guys to love me. So when I come across someone, like Austin, where I am utilizing all my best techniques and it seems as if he should love me, and he doesn't, it is so different and shocking that it really makes me feel something. Or maybe it is one of those things where you don't realize what you have until it is gone. As cliche as that is, it may apply. Who knows? I often say that I feel a lot. More than other people do, perhaps. But I'm not really sure if that's true. It is not easy for me to really care about another person. I don't get super attached easily. Sometimes I feel more attached than other times. Especially with people who I should love. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with my love for them and I cry. Other times I feel nothing at all. I feel that it would be fun to make them cry, it would be fun to break their smiles, it would be fun to take everything from them. I don't understand why I feel this way. My mom would say that is simply a cry for help response. Maybe she is right. Maybe I am drowning a lot more than I know. I'm not sure. I'm doing well right now, from the outside. I'm doing well in school, I'm working hard and making money. I payed off all the debt I had and got a new computer. I just put together my first official manuscript and I'm working to get published. I'm doing some really cool things. But personally I'm a disaster. I'm sad, all the time. And it's different than it used to be. It's real sadness. Not depression sadness, which can be harder, but genuine heartbreaking sadness. It's not my normal emptiness. I'm used to feeling empty but now I'm also sad. I don't lack things or people in my life. Maybe it is just that I lack what, or who, I want right now and that is really hard for me. This is why I don't go falling in love. I said I was done. I didn't want to be in love. I talked to a lot of people about this. I didn't love AG the way I loved Austin but I had fun with AG and he cared about me and that was enough. I didn't want to love someone the way I loved Austin ever again. Because I was so broken over it. I was sad. I'm not good with being sad. I like being angry or hurt or empty but sadness is not my jam. Anyway. What does it matter I guess. I'm doing some pretty cool things with my life so fuck anyone who doesn't want to be apart of it. I'm really proud of my manuscript. I'm writing a book of poetry. It's called The Men I've Loved. It's about my dad and my brother and all the guys I've been in love with. Honestly I think it's really cool. And not just because I wrote it and I worked really hard on it but also because it is unique in its structure and even most of its content I think. I've always struggled with the fact that I almost exclusively write love poems but some things you just have to own. I am who I am and this is what matters to me. Anyway. I really hope things work out and y'all can be buying copies of my first book soon :) how cool would that be?? I think I might just die if I do get it published. Where could I go from there? What more would there be? My classes are going well. I'm slaying it out. I'm acing all my psych tests and I'm actually going to USEM and doing the reading. I'm working so much harder than I used to. I'm not going to lie, school seems so easy now. When you have gone to work for 8-9 hours at Target, doing 30 minutes of homework seems like nothing. I'm also killing it at my job. I recently got a pay raise. Not much, but considering there was a while there where I was worried I would be fired, I think it's good progress. Plus, I've only been working for three months. I do a good job, and I love my job. I love Target, I really do. It's tough for me to be there sometimes now, but I'm not going to let anything, or anyone, get in the way of my money or my education or my goals. Fuck that. He can eat me. Oh! And you know what?? I'm not sure if I ever wrote about it, I'm actually p sure I did, but there was that kid from my youth group who I thought was really cute, he works at Target too now! And obviously things are different, like I have learned how to chill tf out about things but it is still nice to see a friendly face around. Especially if that friendly face is adorable. He's a nice guy and he's good at his job. It's just interesting how things work out I guess. Never thought I'd see him again in my life. I'm glad I've been able to find balance. I still have time to do the things I love, like play league or watch my shows, but I'm not obsessive about anything anymore. Even those guys I write about, honestly most of the time I don't have the time or energy to focus on it. Like right now I do because I have time to write and think, but when I have school and work, I'm pretty ok. Life is going well, despite my sadness. I guess that is all for now. I hope all my readers and followers are happy~

[kxias]

...so, yeah, don’t rlly know how the fuck i got accepted to be quite honest w you??? like that definitely sounded fake but yet here we are??? anyways, hi, i’m red (she/her pronouns please) i’m 19 and i live in the est timezone and i am so, so excited about this roleplay — like i said, highkey was not expecting to get accepted so it certainly came as a shock when i refreshed the main before leaving to grab dinner and saw my post? i’ve been dying to put this muse of mine into play for a month or so now but i really haven’t been able to find a group that i was Down for up until i saw this one ! i am a heaux for uni rps, an even bigger one for the greek life rps since i in a million years would never be able to join greek life (yay introvert!!) and while i wasn’t here first time around, i’m happy to be here now and writing w all you lovely people ; i’m working on getting her stats and wanted connections up so pls bear with me, classes started back today and i’m trying to sift thru all the junk of my online courses while attempting to enjoy my last moments of freedom but they’ll be up soon ! in the meantime, there’s a bit beneath the cut about my baby angel and a few ideas to tide you over, make the heart go red and i’ll pop in your ims for plots ! and yes, i do ramble like this all the time so Get Ready !!

tw: death, slight depression, mentions of verbal/emotional abuse

have you read the gossip blog lately ? apparently, a GIGI HADID lookalike was seen strolling across campus with their DANCE textbook. but nah, that’s just KAIA ZAMAN, the TWENTY year old JUNIOR, i’m sure you know HER. they’re mostly known as THE SANGUINE because they’re very SILVER-TONGUED and INTREPID but also RETICENT and GUILELESS.

so kaia was born and raised in chicago, illinois, the only child her parents ever had due to a few factors — one of which being that it was incredibly hard for her mother to carry a child + rushed into an emergency hysterectomy right after kaia’s birth, so she was their rainbow baby

her parents did everything in their power to make kaia as happy as they possibly could since she had been everything they’d wanted for so long, so whether it was letting her watch another cartoon before bed or enrolling her in dance classes at the age of three after a full-fledged obsession with the nutcracker reached its pique, they pretty much granted her any wish she could’ve possibly had

at age four, a few nights after christmas, kaia and her parents were on their way home from dinner, taking a road that was pretty notorious for collecting black ice in the winter and got into a really bad accident, and this cost her both of her parents

so in her father’s will + due to a lack of any other eligible family members, kaia was left in the custody of her uncle ( dad’s younger brother ) and it was...disastrous, to say the least; daniel had pretty much resigned to a life of forever being a bachelor and fucking around and now he had a four year old niece that he was expected to raise???

her uncle was a trashbag with a few shreds of decency (driven by guilt) in him — he wasn’t going to dump her into the foster system but he sure as hell didn’t want anything to do with her ! so in true trashbag fashion, he just decided to completely neglect her, pretend like she wasn’t there and hope she’d get the hint, and it took her a while to figure this out?? kaia was a sweet kid who went from having a shit ton of affection and love to being ignored and treated like she was a nuisance, and it fucked w her head at four years old

she wound up raising herself; all her uncle was good for was giving her a place to live, making sure she had clothes on her back and food in her stomach, and putting on an act when people gave a second glance their way. the only time he really wanted anything to do with her was when he could benefit her somehow, like keep one of his girlfriends around ( they all found kaia adorable and daniel ‘admirable’ for stepping up ) or when it came to the $$, her parents had left her a little but daniel pretty much absorbed it and took it for himself, to throw more parties or buy booze or play sugar daddy to one of his hookups?? like i said, trashbag

kaia and her uncle were roommates at best, and that was pushing it — she struggled a lot with the neglect internally, and her way of coping was to push it down, push it down, suppress with a smiling face and act like all was well. daniel was enough of a decent person to let her continue with the dance lessons which she absolutely adored, dance was her Everything, and by the time she hit high school, she started teaching classes at the studio she learned at in order to make some $$ that daniel wouldn’t take for his own

the older she got, the more she’d fight back a little against daniel and they had their fair share of fights ( which usually ended in daniel saying something to shut her down entirely and she’d scramble away ) but even despite that, sHE NEVER GAVE UP HOPE ON HIM...?? like, kaia always gave him the benefit of the doubt even though he’d proved himself time and time again thAT HE DIDN’T DESERVE IT

to her it was v black and white, she didn’t understand why tf he wouldn’t just get over himself and be a Family ( daniel is Where she gets her stubbornness tbh ) but despite having a little resent towards him, kaia never ever stopped hoping that he’d wake up one day and they’d start being a family and she still hasn’t bc optimist in the highest degree

when it came to college, kaia knew if she didn’t get out of chicago she was literally going to be sick, there was just smth about the loneliness there that made her skin crawl ( she also hates the winter now so she had to get as far away from snow as possible lmao ) and so she was like “alright i need a college on the west coast and w my dance major”, found crawford, and it was Settled

you ain’t getting my gossip blog secret out of me *wink*

anyways, now that the tragic backstory has been #unlocked...onto kaia

she’s the sanguine, which basically means bitch is a ball of sunshine, which she is — there’s no such thing as a stranger in her world, she likes constantly being surrounded by people ( bc she gotta make up for being lonely all those childhood years, thanks a ton dAN ) and making new friends and going out, she just loves people and people usually love her, she knows how to reel them in and keep them by her side, girlie will do Anything

she flat-out refuses to see the bad in people, even if it is staring her in the face, and this is where her stubborn nature comes in to play?? you can’t tell her anything, once her mind is set on something there is no hope of ever talking her out of it, she’s got to come to her senses on her own and even then it’s usually too late or she diminishes the impact of it?? she’s rash and got bad tunnel vision so it’s p clear where disaster lies w her

has the unhealthiest coping mechanisms on the history of the planet, tbh; she thinks the cure to everything is putting a smile on and acting like it’s not a problem and while that works when one fails a test, it doesn’t work w everything and she’s just forced so much pain and depression and anger down that it is Bound to come right back up at some point, so basically homegirl is a ticking time bomb

kaia’s also a people pleaser, she’d literally give you a kidney if you asked, which makes it easy for people to manipulate her?? and she doesn’t always see when she’s being manipulated either?? and won’t always stand up for herself when she’s being treated unfairly??? she just likes keeping the peace if at all possible

blurs the line a lot between doing things because she can and doing things because she feels an obligation to so she doesn’t let anyone down

ever since her parents died, she doesn’t like to give anything a second-guess — if she wants to do something, then she’s doing it, because it may not come back around again or she may not have the chance to. is the Definition of living in the moment, which is nice in theory, but kaia is v bad at compartmentalizing so it’s easy for her to get off track or ofc do things that will come back to bite her

dance is life, i’m not even gonna go into detail on it bc this is long enough already and like.....it’s just her whole world, ok, moving along

she wants everyone to let her in but she very rarely returns the favor, which is why i gave her the reticent trait?? she doesn’t tell people about her parents or her uncle, doesn’t let people see that iceberg of emotions underneath the surface, she acts like if it doesn’t exist then it doesn’t as far as anyone’s concerned???

girl is one of the greatest friends you could ever have but is a piece of work when you think about it, tbh, so that being said come love us !

and if you read this far: the reason this STUPID vine is my ooc tag is bc i have an ex named kyle who is a piece of trash and that vine is a p accurate description of how i feel about him.....plus it just makes me laugh ok going now