#anyways hope you all are THRIVING on this Sunday <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[keekity]

Hiii friends I’m still not posting sims any time soon but here’s some recent vampies •w•

[laughingfcx]

OKAY ITS DUE TIME FOR ME TO SEND U A YAP ASK ‼️‼️😋 LINA SUGARPLUM MUFFIN LOLLIPOP HONEYPIE (by jawny???) HOW ARE YOU DARLING HOW WAS YOUR DAY GIVE ME THE RUNDOWN ‼️

so like im gonna yap about my week CAUSE IT FELT LONG AS HELL I PHYSICALLY TWEAKED OUT JUST REFLECTING BACK ON ALL OF IT‼️‼️

so as u know i was ill last week (was that even last week I CANT REMEMBER BUT IT WAS RECENTLY) and i was coughing up a storm at school on monday and tuesday IT WAS HELL ITSELF I SWEAR.

SO I HAD LIKE,, 7 TESTS? THIS WEEK? I THINK? a ton!! like wdym im getting a test thats not writing in journalism class? WHY ARE WE HAVING A HISTORY TEST IN THIS CLASS THATS SO WEIRD TO ME??? anyway... that and a spanish test and two math tests and two tests in my ap class and an english comprehension test i was not thriving this week

AND BY THE WAY, THE TESTS IN MY AP CLASS WERE LITERALLY RETAKES BECAUSE I WAS GONE REVIEW DAY CAUSE I WAS SICK AND HAD TO TAKE THE TESTS WITHOUT STUDYING AT ALL. THE TEACHER WAS LATE TO CLASS THAT DAY SO IT TOOK ME LIKE THREE ADVISORY PERIODS TO FINISH THE STUPID TESTS 💔💔

erm anyways all of that happened AND IM NOW THRIVING I FINISHED ALL MAJOR WORK AND MY GRADES ARE LOOKING UP SO YIPPEE!!! 

yesterday i went to the school football game with my friends!! our team kinda demolished the visiting team dude 😭😭 IT WAS LIKE?? 68-0???? LIKE DAMN OKAY LET THEM GET UP BROTHERS 😭

ALSO AT THE GAME THERE WAS A KISS CAM AND MY FRIENDS ENDED UP ON IT WE WERE ALL SCREAMING SOOOO MUCH 😨 IT WAS WILD LINA!!! BUT THE GAME WAS A TON OF FUN AND WE ALL HAD FUN SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND DOING RANDOM STUFF IN THE STANDS!!

SO THERES MY YAP! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY AND WHATS BEEN GOING ON W U POOKIE 😋 HRU HOWS LIFE WHAT ARE WE DOING TOMORROW

HONEYPIE BY JAWNY !!!!! erm big yap under cut methinks..

HELLO HELLO MY DEAR SWEET LITTLE BIRTHDAY CAKE CARDBOARD BOX CARAMELIZED SUGAR STICK !!! iM DOING LIKE.. OKAY I THINK. SUPER TIRED OMW HOME FROM SCHOOL i slept 1.5hrs last night..

my freaky english teacher likes me. a h a h a anyways ive been getting into art moar >:3 again so i spent like half the time drawing and stuff help .. not when i needed to concentrate tho !!! i drew a fish person ish i will show u later. apparently everyone flunked the maths test so like i may end up on the news tho... my last three assessments were all straight A's but the highest grade in the entire class in this one is a B and idk man i might Die. also i think i did well in english bc.. the teacher seems satisfied w me.. SCHOOL IS CLOSED TMR SO I WILL LOCK IN AND WRITE MY SILLY SMAU METHINKS

my friend who i sat beside today let me draw my fish on her bandaid :33 she calls me fish too and i call her cat it's a long story basically but in eighth grade like.. back in 2022 we exchanged discords and my nickname was fishie and hers was neko so like .. fish and cat. oh and once a physics teacher referred to me as fish too help

im super eepy rn help.. started raining in the morning n i got hopeful that school would be cancelled but NO bc the universe HATES me

im going to change & pass out now i think highkey.

OK NOW !!! UR THINGS LETS SEE omg yes this week was so fkn long ewwww

IM SO SORRY AB UR STUPID TESTS <//)3 I HAD THREE ON SUNDAY ALONE LAST WEEK IT WAS SO BAD I FAKED BEING SICK ON TUESDAY (?) KIND OF.. LIKE I FELT BAD BUT NOT BAD ENOUGH TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL

IM GLAD UR GRADES ARE LOOKING UP !!! IF U LISTEN CLOSELY IM ACTUALLY CHEERING SO LOUD FOR U RN 😹

football game is insane (never seen one) 68 - ZERO ??? IS THE HOME TEAM THAT GOOD OR IS THE OTHER ONE JUST BAD PLS... ALSO LIKE WHAT !!!! kiss cam sounds like sm fun !!!!

okay pause to say that this ask is literally makign me so happy rn idk bro but im kicking feet i feel all warm n fluttery inside

OK BACK ON TOPIC im so glad u had fun <333 that experience seems so amazing like omg !!! ik youll remember it for a WHILE i long to experience that kind of fun again omg

OKAY ANYWAYS MY DAY RIGHT !!! i cancelled on my maths teacher + postponed his class to tmr bc i want to sleep and grind genshin and watch a movie or 2 !!! im thinking everything everywhere all at once ive wanted to watch it forever but never really had the independence to do so like i do now !!!! my big toe hurts for some reason idk :/// AND IVE BEEN HAVING SUCH BAD NAGI BRAINROT RECENTLY OMHHHH LIKE MY MAN.. MY MAN..... SAVE ME NAGI SEISHIRO SAVE ME..........

aaaaa where was i !!! oh yesyes so i was thinking moot tags right ... bc i need smth cute for u.... bc ur so cute....

UM YES THATS ALL FOR TODAY I HOPE UR SLEEPING WELL & DM ME WHEN U SEE THIS !!! not for any specific reason just say hi bc imy (we literally talked a few hrs ago) ily sav !!!! PS CONGRATS ON MAKING THE MAGAZINE TEAM IM SO PROUD OF U !!!!

[lovebvni]

the people have spoken — here’s my lore <3

hellooo!! <3 you guys said you wanted to see my lore from my main dr that i actually got from js thinking about my dr!!!

for context, this is for my main mha dr <3 i am siblings w himiko toga but she also has 2 more siblings including me, kuro (kurtis is his american name; he is also himiko a twin sibling) and himari (halo) (i just changed her name as of typing this)

i js realized how y/n this sounds but ykw it’s cool shit ok?

tw for assault (or battery idk im not a lawyer), cutting of skin, drug use of minors, getting drugged .

please stop reading if there is anything that is a trigger to you. and also know this is all FICTIONAL in this reality so please do not worry abt anyone lmfao 😭😭

im going to be as brief as possible! i dont wanna type long blog although this is interesting <3

soooo our family moved back from america when i was in ~5th grade. i was like what… 10 because i started school early (i started developing fast oopsie‼️), himiko n kurt were 14/15 idk man i can’t do math their birthday is after mine 😭 but we were all still young. halo was 6/7ish

so around the time we moved back to japan and himiko real REALLY didn’t wanna go back to japan. she had friends in the us who she felt like accepted her n whatnot, she has a girlfriend she had to break up with because of the move, etc. there was lot going on in her head — it wa as big change to move back to japan so our mom could thrive in her business.

so, himiko came up with a plan — to drug her family, run away and fly back to america to continue living her life.

now, obviously, she didn’t complete the whole thing because she felt bad. she would be without her twin and two younger siblings.

she drugged all of us at a family celebration dinner. i don’t know the details for this i didn’t think it through/didn’t get told what she used. it started with an a though, idk LMDAO 😭😭

anya ways she drugged us at this family dinner then decided, as a way to show her love, she was going to take some of all our blood and cut a heart out on a various part of all our bodies.

my mom got a heart on her outer right thigh, my dads was on his right shoulder blade, kuro’s on his left arm, mine on my left eye and kiara’s on her left hand.

i don’t quite know why she did this but obviously, right for her parents, left for her siblings. idk if it means anything to her but yeah!

anyways hospitalized stitched, blah blah medical recoveries whatever.

now with this next part i’ll be kind of brief. some of kurt’s school friends found out abt the incident and they were like “hey we got set that could help u” but he decided to bring me since i was his next closest sibling — whatever.

they were older or something so they had like drugs (😧😧😧😦😦) ( i can’t take this seriously it’s insane) anyways we went to a lot of parties like every friday n saturday night but on saturdays we wouldn’t get as high bc we have church on sundays (we watch the american one online 💀)

it was crazy tho bro!!! but anyways both kurt n i have nic addictions 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ woopsie poopsie!

i didn’t script all of this btw. i just scripted the part abt himiko drugging us then fucking dipping. all this other shit was included.

also dw i won’t get cancer or anything serious from using anything 😭😭 js temp shit!

anyways yeah! sorry it’s shorter than u expected. i have a weird headache that keeps coming n going (along w migraines) so i tried to keep it short so i wouldn’t stress myself

anyways!!! i hope yall enjoyed! if u have my questions feel free to ask or smth idk 😭

[captaincassianandorr]

Australian Survivor: Titans V.s Rebels Ep 3

-Middle Aged Mafia is a cool name for an alliance honestly. -Also Peta tattoos are not that intimidating really. Between her and Kelli my nerves are grating -Omg Kirby I love her. "This is not Love Island. This is Survivor." -I'm loving the tribe dynamics and how normally what would happen is the young people would band together and vote out the weak and on both tribes, it looks like the older people are banning together (banning? banding?) instead. Which I love to see. -Peta "Come into the majority," to Kirby. Peta...you are FOUR out of TWELVE. 4/12 is not a majority. -Purple edits do make me sad. We've not heard ANYTHING from Scott, Aileen or Kitty really. I mean I know Kitty is there but I don't know anything about her REWARD -Viola is a beast. I love watching her in competitions. -Battle of the Speedos here with Nathan and Alex. Nathan was so quick there. -I like Feras more than I thought I would. I thought I would hate him from the bios/videos lol. -Mark was so quick there at the reward. -Lol Nathan saying it's his charm that's helping him in the game. Haven't they written your name down twice? -And Peta finds an idol. -Immunity challenge time. -AND we actually hear from Garrick! He speaks! And Aileen speaks! (briefly no confessionals yet) -Rebels trying to throw the challenge but doing horribly at pretending they are not. It's not usually a very smart idea to throw a challenge. -Jaden just went through the bag like it was nothing. -And the Titans still almost losing even though Rebels are trying to throw the challenge lol. -Tobias also doing awfully on the slingshot challenge. -Kirby <3 Doing what a guy couldn't and shooting the stacks of blocks down easily. -LOL this is so chaotic and funny with Rebels trying to throw it but Titans possibly ruining their plan. But the Titans win immunity for the first time. -"We threw the challenge," Yes yes you did Alex, but you almost won it anyway which made it funnier. -Trying to get rid of Kelli does make sense to me in a way. The way she talks about the guys is just a bit ick. -Garrick is definitely suspicious about the throwing of the challenge saying that he and Feras were the only ones pushing the cart. And he got a confessional! -Loving this blindsides. Actually all 3 of these episodes vote outs have been fantastic. -Kelli is not the best actor in the world. Had to agree with Garrick when he said she's hopeless mate lol. But on the other hand I'd usually prefer chaotic/hopeless players over boring ones. -Peta asking if she's missing something. Yes, you are missing something. 4 is still not a majority. -I'm loving Kirby's gameplay here. Sneaky and puts her in good position in both the cuddle crew/the other alliance. -Kelli's bad acting at the tribal omg. no one is safe. I hope Peta doesn't play her idol -Feras is interesting me. He's so chaotic and thriving in the chaos. -Time to vote. -HEHEHEHE a blindside coming. I love a blindside. -Raymond is so awkward "I hope it's not me going home." Well I did see a few votes for him in the votes -The editing of these vote readouts is beautiful because it makes it seem like Kelly/Raymond are going home and then Peta gets votes lol. -And then the cuddle club was 3/4 (learn what a majority is guys) -Oooh the preview for next episode ahhh how can I wait until Sunday for that? WHAT IS IN THAT BOX? I want to know! Never seen that before on Survivor. -And Peta saying the "minority" rose up to take control lol Peta no you were in a minority but thought you were in a majority.

[onigiri-dorkk]

Just my monthly check-in!!

How have you guys been lately? Spring has started and (where I am) the sun is finally here after soooo long, but it's coming in full-force considering last week was low 60s and tomorrow is gonna be 95º lol HELP

Today I'm delivering a wedding gallery that has taken me longer than I wanted to take *blegh*

Our copy of Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom also arrives tonight! But I won't be able to play for about a week because of the busy schedule ahead!

Tomorrow I'm photographing another wedding and doing a 1-hour roadtrip back and forth, so it's gonna be a long day for me.

Sunday/Monday is rest while I prep and pack for traveling to the Bay Area for an Agust D/BTS concert! I get to meet with two fandom friends I've already hung out with in person, and meet another I've been in contact with! I was the one who managed to get four tickets altogether and so glad it worked out. :') It's funny to tell people I'm traveling out of state to meet with and share a hotel with three fandom friends from all over the country LOL. I love that fandom makes people close so quickly, and we feel safe with each other!

I haven't been able to create much for the fandom; a few days ago was Microcosmos' first year anniversary!! Holy crap! Last year was a lot less busy and I had more time on my hands to write consistently. It's hard to imagine myself attempting something of that volume again, at least anytime soon ;-; I commend our RM writers who write millions of words (not literally but PRETTY MUCH!!!!) so consistently -- thank you for keeping us readers alive!!!!

Anyway, I hope everyone is well and safe and thriving. <3 Feel free to share any celebrations and highlights, fandom related or not!! :)

[mamasanctuary]

Grateful Day 11.26.22

Super late posting but I’ve been dealing with one life event after the other. My sister ended up hosting on Thursday which meant I could relax and take my time cooking Friday/Saturday instead of rushing around like a crazy person. It went well but also started some family drama being that none of the usual guests were invited. For our sanity’s sake, of course. I thought it would be dropped and we could all move on but we can’t. Yeah family. So anyway I finally had the spare time to get on here and just blog how I’ve been wanting to. And let me tell y’all.

I’ve Got Some News.

First, I want to start of by thanking everyone who supports me here. Especially those of you who have been here from the beginning. It means a lot to me that my blog has been an inspiration or even a safe place for some of you on your parenting journey. I know it’s got more personal and less *advice-y/* over the years but I’m leaning towards that direction, with a little twist. 

  I know I’ve made a lot promises over the past few months, regarding consistency, and while I feel awful about it I also realize I set myself up for failure. I don’t thrive off of hard schedules and so I’ve opened myself up to simply offering one post a week at any time during the week. Do you know how many times I’ve gotten on here to post but realized it wasn’t Sunday so I put off preparing a post and then it stayed in my drafts? A lot. I want to be able to share authentically and take breaks as needed without the pressure of only being able to post on my one day a week. 

  Additionally, I’ll make one post purely for advice and questions I’ve gotten over the past several months. You all have sent me 100s of questions/calls for advice that have gone unanswered so I want to take the time and support those who have been supporting me. That particular post will be released on a consistent date because the questions have already piled up. You can look forward to my advice column on Fridays at 3pm. 

With all of that out of the way...

I’ve been super busy prepping for baby#4 these past few weeks. Not so much with actual baby stuff, but with spending a lot of time with me “big” babies in preparation for being secluded with a newborn for, at least, 3 months. The amount of stares and unsolicited “You should be resting” I’ve gotten has increased since I’m the size of a whale at this point, but I truly live for my little outings with my little ones. As I approach my due date, I realize I have an unwavering fear about developing PPD so I think I’m forcing myself to be happy and busy so I don’t think about it. Ah well, as is life. 

The kiddos are doing well and rushing this baby out. Thalia is homeschooling well with me and we’ve decided to take that route for as long as it’s comfortable for us all. It’s definitely been experience and I’m a former teacher! Solomon and Zoe like to join in but often end up convincing me that Thalia needs a break and will rescu- I mean kidnap her from me and run outside. We’ve been taking it day by day and they’re all growing so fast as I’m sure you can see in the photo. They’ve been praying for the baby every night and have asked me multiple times if I could “grab baby out” which has been fun to explain to a two toddlers and a 5 year old. 

Our little family is growing and thriving as best as it can and I hope yours is too. This year has been hard enough with all the nonsense going on in this world so I hope you’re taking the time to care for yourself.

Until next time, 

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

sorry if this is lame buttt a puzzle date with armin? or maybe just a bunch of different puzzle stuff Like word search, or crosswords and stuff maybe we get a little competitive and what not Sorry if this is too lame tho yikes

Y'ALL. *toots horn* I just wanna say that I have a special guest who VERY VERY kindly wrote this prompt! I hope the original requester doesn't mind! You are in for a TREAT bc @anlian-aishang is a genius with a very wrinkly brain. I on the other hand, am HORRIBLE at puzzles bc I am too impatient @@ so I apologize for failing you, dear anon who requested this date. BUT WTHOUT FURTHER ADO. Please enjoy.

tags: Armin x reader, fluff, food mention, modern AU!

Written by @anlian-aishang <3

Puzzle my Heart

Two busy students you both were. Study jams this night. Extracurriculars that night. Lives that were overtaken by school - and you supposed it made perfect sense - that college was where you found each other. Midterms brought you both to the library, to that same fated table where only textbooks separated you. Ever since then, as your grades thrived, your relationship did as well. A campus made the background to your love story.

But it was now winter break. And suddenly, the grind had screeched to a halt - not in your relationship, but in activity. Staying in pajamas all day, no need to leave the house, television droning on until nightfall when you would go to bed and do it all again. At first, the reprieve was nice, but after this many days - it was almost boring?

Armin strove to change that today. Leather knapsack slung over his shoulder, box of chocolates in one hand, knocking on your door with the other. Jolted up from your nap, you ran to the door, flannel pants ruffled with your jog, slippers sifting on the wooden floor.

“A-Armin!?” You stammered, “You - You...? What are you doing here?”

At your frenzy, he chuckled. “Nice to see you too.” Stepping into your place, knocking his shoes of snow, his gaze kindred, “Sorry for showing up unannounced, I just realized, it’s been far too long since we’ve had a date.”

“B-But, you were over yesterday?” We watched reruns and ordered delivery, didn’t we? Err… Was that yesterday?

“Yeah, well…” Armin brought his hand to his nape and displayed a bashful grin, “I was thinking about it, and I think that - to qualify as a date - I am required to change out of my sweats and run a comb through my hair at least.”

A hand on your hip, brows knit, you teased, “And you didn’t think to text me?”

Armin gave a mild, knowing smile, “There was no need.”

Lips parted but speechless. Hands curled to your old wrinkled t-shirt and looked to him, embarrassed, Does that mean I need to change out of my sweats and run a comb through my hair?

Blue eyes glimmered. Like I said, “No need.”

You did anyways.

And it was only your apartment, only a random Sunday, but he had been right: for the first time in a long time, you were on a date again. Chocolates and crosswords. Record player and word searches. Not only doing your best to make a good time, but an added level of competition as you also aimed to beat the other. Using your minds as actively as you had for all the previous semesters you spent together.

Just like your brain felt that familiar feeling, you realized your heart did too. Golden locks shimmering in the sun. Slender fingers and a particular hold of his pencil. Eyes narrowed and attention deliberate on the puzzles in front of him, every so often, they would sneak a peek at you.

And just like you, he felt his heart aflutter, its pace racing again. The rapid descent of your gaze down the page, curiosity brimming. The love of learning. The thrill of studying a page. He felt it within - how he had really found someone who saw the world the way he did. Finally, there was someone that enjoyed his company as much as he did theirs. At last, found someone who could make the hours pass like minutes.

“We should do this again!” You snapped your gaze to him, enthusiasm sparkling in your eyes, “Armin! What do you think? Tomorrow?”

Armin nodded, gleaming, Today and tomorrow and forever after that.

[kpop---scenarios]

Into The Night (2)

Pairing: Kai x Reader 

Warnings: Unprotected Smut, Angst, 

Word Count: 6.9k 

A/N: I'm sorry!!

As the rain pours down, it soaks you but you have a hard time finding the urge to care. You watch the staircase from in front of your car, waiting for the man you love, the man you hoped loved you enough to come chase after you. You desperately wanted him to tell you that you were enough for him and that he had enough of the business that was taking so much from him. 

But he never came. 

A part of you must have known he wouldn't give it up, not for you. It wasn't as though you were anything special anyway. You were you, and he was a god, someone who deserved more than just you. 

You closed your eyes and for a moment imagined what it would have been like had he chased you. Kai running down the stairs, into the rain to take you in his arms and tell you how much he loved you and needed you, that you were first, that you were enough. 

But instead, you got into your car soaked and cried hard while driving to your apartment. Maybe he didn't love you as much as you thought he did. Maybe you truly weren't enough for him. 

Day by day, you stared at your phone, reading the last text he had sent you before you left. It was the last time he had typed out the words you wished you could hear from his lips right now, even if you don't deserve them.

"I love you." 

You can still hear the faint whispers of him saying the words in your head, but as time goes on the whispers get quieter and quieter, slowly fading away. 

**

Every week something changed, for the better, and you noticed yourself becoming yourself again. You stopped agonizing over the fact that he hadn't texted you, then you stopped caring that he hadn't called you. If he had been the man you thought he was, he would have reached out, maybe tried to explain himself. But he didn't, so maybe he wasn't the man for you. 

A month had gone by and you started going to coffee shops with your friends, finally getting out of the house. 

Six months had gone by and you were washing your hair and doing your makeup, feeling like yourself again. 

A year later, you were thriving. You had a great group of friends, you were putting yourself out there with guys and you had just been promoted at work, which tonight, this wonderful Friday, you were celebrating with your group of friends at a new club in the city. 

"I will be there soon." You laugh into the speaker, looking out the window of the cab to see where you were. "Promise, like two minutes away." You tell Moonbyul, pressing the end call button. 

The cab driver pulls up to the club and you see Moonbyul, Wheein and Solar waiting outside for you. 

"Fucking finally." Moonbyul groans, pulling you in for a hug. The others join in, congratulating you on your promotion. 

"Come." Wheein squeals. "I got us the best table." She finishes, pulling you inside the club. 

You walk in and it's jam-packed with people. You squeeze her arm as you navigate through the massive amounts of bodies, finally settling at a table with your three best friends. 

"First." Solar pauses. "Shots." She smiles as four shots are delivered to your table. 

"That was cool." You laugh. 

The four of you down your shots. 

"Next," Wheein says. "More shots." Another round is placed on your table, one in front of each of you. 

The four of you take your shots again. 

Half an hour later, you had already done four shots and had two drinks, and to say you were feeling it would be an understatement. 

"I'm going.." hiccup. "To the bathroom." You giggle, ungracefully sliding from your chair and stumbling your way to the bathroom. You close your eyes for a split second as you walk past the bar, trying to ease the spinning when you bump into a hard chest. 

You open your eyes and look up, immediately thinking your eyes are playing tricks on you. You blink a few times before stumbling back, shaking your head slightly and looking back up at the man.. the man you once loved. 

"Kai?" You whispered. 

"Ayn.." he says. "It's good to see you." 

"Yeah.. um, you too." You say, unsure of really what to say. There were a few things you had planned to say to him had you ever actually run into him but you truly never thought that situation would arise. 

"How have you been?" You ask. 

Not what you wanted to say. 

"Good, good." He smiles that radiant smile that just melts your heart. "I quit the business." He says. 

Your heart drops. 

"When?" You ask, a little confused. 

"About nine months ago." He answers. 

You scoff. 

"So three months after you let me run out because you were never going to give it up?" You ask. You can feel the anger rising inside of you. 

"I.. well, Hwasa helped me realize." He says. Seconds later a gorgeous woman slides her manicured hand over his shoulder as he wraps his arm around her waist. 

You look at Kai confused, and heartbroken all over again. 

"Hi, I'm Hwasa, Kai's fiancee." She purrs, holding out her hand with a big diamond ring on the right finger. 

"Fiancee?" You breathe. "I tried.. for you.. and I wasn't good enough.. but you knew her for three months and she got you to quit and propose? What the fuck was I? Did you even love me?" You yell. 

"Ayn.. let's not do this here.." Kai says, looking uncomfortable. 

"No, I'm not doing anything... I’m...I can't breathe." You cry, turning around to stumble from the crowded building. You burst through the door, the cool outside air hitting you hard as you gasp for breath. 

Kai, the man you loved was now with someone else, someone who seemed worthy of him, not to mention he left.. he left the business behind. The one that you weren't good enough for him to leave. You weren't good enough to fight for apparently. 

With your feet dragging, you walk the long-distance home, ignoring the buzzing of your cellphone as you try to keep the tears from falling. You lost. 

**

The next morning you woke up, feeling as though a train had smashed into your life - oh wait, it did. You recall the events of last night and how your heart was shattered for a second time by the same man, in less than a year. You grab your phone, looking at the time, 11:34 am. Before you set your phone down, it buzzes an incoming message. You open your messages and your heart drops as you immediately recognize the phone number. 

Kai. 

[11:35 am] 17362592474: I'm sorry about that. Can we talk? 

It took all you had in you to not call him and scream at him. He's sorry about that, he's sorry? For what exactly? The fact that he didn't come after you, or the fact that he got engaged so quickly after leaving you shattered and a shell of the person you were before. 

You threw your phone to the corner of your room. You couldn't deal with this today. So instead of answering him back, you went about your Saturday. You went for a jog but you never did stop thinking about the woman, Hwasa who was so perfect and seemed so perfect for him. They were a gorgeous couple, one of those couples who should be featured in all the magazines. You didn't compare to her, clearly. 

That night you stayed in, ignoring the ringing of your phone that still sat in the corner of your room and instead binge-watched the saddest kdramas you could find and cried, while also stuffing your face. 

You woke up Sunday feeling terribly bloated, with an even worse headache but none of that compared to how your heart felt. As much as you didn't want to admit it, as much as this would absolutely fuck with all the progress you made in the last you, you still loved him. Seeing him Friday night confirmed that, you would still forgive him if you had the chance. 

Now you spent the rest of your Sunday agonizing over a decision you needed to make. 

Text him back, or ignore it? 

**

Monday morning you sat at your desk, chewing on your fingernail as you stared at the message on your phone that you had read almost a thousand times over. 

Can we talk? 

Sure, you wanted to talk, you had a lot of things you wanted to say to him. You grabbed your phone, typing the message before throwing it on your desk and trying to focus on some work. 

[10:12 am] You: Sure. Let's talk. 6 pm, my place. I'd rather this not be public. *Address*  

[10:14 am] 17362592474: See you then, Ayn. 

You roll your eyes at his reply. Boy, was he going to get an ear full. 

You paced in front of your door, checking your phone every 3 seconds. Time was moving so slowly as you waited for Kai to show up. You ran lines through your head, planning out exactly what you were going to say to him. You were ready and prepared to go off. 

You checked your phone again. 

5:59 pm 

Knock 

Knock. 

You stood in front of your door and took a deep breath before opening it. You almost gasped at the sight of him. He looked so good, but seriously, he had the audacity to look that good and show up here? What the fuck. 

"Hi, Ayn." He smiles. "Are you going to let me in?" He asks. 

"Oh." You say, coming out of your trance. You open the door wider, allowing him to come in before closing the door behind you. 

 "Nice place." He says, looking around. You lean against the door, your arms crossed as you try to remember the first thing you wanted to say. 

"Thanks." You whisper. 

That wasn't it. 

"Hwasa and I are on a break." He begins. "Look, I'm really sor.." he started to say before you cut him off. 

"Don't." You yell, raising your hands to your ears. "I don't want to hear that you're sorry." You spit. "Sorry doesn't make up the fact that you didn’t chase me. Sorry doesn't make up for the fact that you met someone 3 months after you let me walk out of your life like I was nothing, and then you got engaged! You really are.." you say before now he cut you off, this time with his lips. 

You hadn't even noticed him walking towards you until his lips were pressed against yours. Your eyes are still wide open as you realize what's happening. You place your hands on his shoulders, pushing him away. You're shocked as you gently touch your lips before raising your hand and slapping him. 

You look at him, up and down before grabbing his collar and pulling him back to you, latching your lips onto his. He wraps his arms around you pulling you in close. He backs up, pushing you against your door as he hikes up your skirt, his knee pressed in between your legs. You break the kiss and his lips travel to your neck, your hands now in between the two of you, unbuckling his belt. He shimmies his pants down, along with his boxers, his cock springing free. 

Kai places his hands behind your legs, picking you up and pressing you against the door once again. He lines up his cock before pushing himself into you with a gasp as his head rests in the crook of your neck. Your hands-on his shoulders as he thrusts himself into you, making you moan loudly. 

"Fuck." He grunts, his fingertips digging into the back of your legs as he fucks you. Your hand moves to his hair, running your fingers through his locks as he hits all the right spots, your clit being rubbed perfectly. 

You can feel his hot breath on your neck, his lips pressing a kiss as you cry out, loudly. 

"Just like that." You moan as your orgasm builds. "Don't stop." You cry, your fingers gripping tightly onto his hair. 

"Cum for me, please." He begs, you wrap your arms around his neck as your orgasm flows through your body, making you scream. 

Kai thrusts faster as he chases his high, spilling himself into you. "Oh god." He moans as he thrusts lightly, coming down from his high. 

You're both still for a moment, Kai still inside you as you both breathe heavily. "Shit." He whispers, pulling out. "That was a mistake." He says, pulling up his pants and buckling his belt back up. 

"What?" You ask, tears now brimming in your eyes. 

"No, that's not what I meant." He tries to assure you. "I meant the timing was a mistake, not you, never you." He says. 

"No, I get it. I wasn't good enough for you then, why would I be good enough for you now." You spit. "Get out." 

"Ayn.. please. It's not what I meant. I miss you!" He pleads. 

"Get out now!" You cry. The tears roll down your cheeks as he looks at you with such despair, to just listen to him. You don't care. You were a mistake. 

You storm towards your window, pushing it open as you struggle to catch your breath. How could you be so stupid as to let him fuck you, let him back into your life like that? 

This was a mistake 

I miss you.

Did he though? Did he miss you? 

You let out a loud and frustrated grunt as you swiftly moved around your apartment, rage cleaning. How could you let him come up here and taint your fresh, drama and Kai free space? Bad Ayn. 

Heading for your cabinets, you reach for your favourite cleaner, the one that smells like happiness to you and you begin your work. You scrub your door, cleaning away the sweat, the reminder that you let him fuck you against your door. You wash your floors, making sure to clean where he stood extra hard. 

When you were finally satisfied with your house and the cleanliness and freshness of your place, you went to take care of yourself, spending an absurd amount of time in the shower. You used different soaps especially on your neck, you washed your hair a few times and your fingers, trying desperately to get the smell of him off of you, trying to get the feeling of being called a mistake off of you. 

After your shower, you sat in your robe, in a chair in the living room, your finger hovering over the cold button on your cell phone. You needed to call Jisoo and tell her about this but you were slightly nervous about her reaction. You closed your eyes and pressed the call button and took a few deep breaths as you listened to the sound of the phone ringing. 

"Heeelloooooo." She answers in a singing voice. 

"I did a thing." You whisper into the phone. 

"A thing? Ooh, what kind of thing?" She asks. 

"A bad thing." You reply. 

"Do tell." She says excitedly. 

"I accidentally..slept with Kai." You whisper. 

She says nothing. 

"I'm sorry. WHAT?" She gasps. "Kai? As in, you just got over Kai? That Kai?" 

"That Kai, yes." You whisper. 

"Giiiiiirl." She screams. "So you're back together? I always loved the two of you together." 

"He has a fiancee." You whisper. 

"I'm sorry again, WHAT?" She says. "And you still fucked him?" 

"Well, he said they're on a break." You nervously laugh. 

"Shit girl. How do you feel?" She asks. 

"He said it was a mistake. The timing was a mistake but all I heard was I'm a mistake." You answer. 

"What'd you do?" 

"Kicked him out." You laugh. 

"Yas best friend, you go best friend." She laughs. "But in all seriousness, are you okay?" 

"I don't know." You respond. "I still love him, and I know I could forgive him but I don't know if I should. He broke me, and it took a long time to fix that and then he's got this new girl, and shit.. what do I do, Ji?" You sigh. 

"This is something you have to figure out for yourself. I can’t be the one to tell you what to do, as much as I would like to, this is you." She responds. 

"Thanks, Ji." You say before hanging up the phone. She was right, you had a lot of thinking to do but also, you really need to talk to Kai. 

** 

Kai sat on his couch with his head thrown back as he replayed this evening's events through his head, over and over again. He will admit, he shouldn't have kissed you but it couldn't help it. He really had missed you. He stared at your lips as you yelled at him and he thought about kissing you, then bam, he was doing it and he didn't want it to stop, but then you slapped him and kissed him back and everything escalated from there. 

He lets out a loud groan as he thinks about his life and where he was now, he felt like he was going insane. Everything was so fucked up, and in all honesty, it was his fault. Had he just gone after you, none of this would have happened. You would be here, laying in his arms, and you both would be happy but instead, you're broken and it's his fault and he's still in love with you. 

Kai thinks back to that day, the one when he let you get away and fuck does he ever wish he could have a redo of that day. The amount of shame he felt for what he did was indescribable. 

"Either you want it, or you don't. So let me know." You finished before walking away, and Kai stood there. He couldn't move as you closed the door behind you. He was hurt, angry and ashamed. You were so much more important than his business and he wanted to tell you that, but his pride wouldn't let him. He wanted you to be more understanding of his job and realize that it was just that, a job. So he waited. 

He waited for you to return, he waited for a text, a phone call, something - anything but it never came. He thought maybe you needed time but as the weeks went by he slowly began to realize that you had left him and it hurt. It had been too long now, he couldn't crawl back so maybe you would. If he was lucky, you would be the one to reach out to him. 

One night he had gone to a restaurant - alone. He ordered a glass of wine, and his meal and sat in silence as he watched the happy couples smile and laugh. He wanted that, with you. As he was lost in thought someone tripped beside him, dropping a purse. He knelt down to help and when he looked at the woman, he was shocked, she was breathtaking but nothing compared to you. 

Maybe that's what he needed, a distraction, someone to help him get over you. She smiled at him and he smiled back. "Thank you for your help." She says. 

"No problem. Are you okay?" He asks, seeing the tears in her eyes.

"Terrible date." She sniffles. 

"Would you like to join me…" he pauses. 

"Hwasa." She smiles. 

"Would you like to join me Hwasa?" He asks.  

"I would love to.." she pauses. 

"Kai." 

"Yes, Kai, I would love to " 

A few months later he was looking at the engagement ring he had bought, that was supposed to be for you and Hwasa had caught him, immediately screaming yes and crying. She was so happy. So he slid the ring on her finger and decided to keep it to himself. A few weeks later, he handed the business over to Baekhyun, not because Hwasa had convinced him like she thought but because he worried she would try to take it over. 

Kai was a little in over his head with her, especially when he couldn't stop thinking about you but he just couldn't bring himself to end it with Hwasa. He felt guilty, it had been too long now, maybe he was stuck. Maybe this is what he deserved, his karma for not chasing you. 

** 

A few days later, you glanced at the clock as you finished your paperwork, it was 9 pm. You let out a big yawn, stretching out your arms. There was a faint knock at your door, so you finished your stretch as you walked over to see who was here so late. You looked through the peephole and saw Kai standing there swaying. Your heart was in your stomach, you most definitely weren't prepared for this. 

With a shaky hand, you turned the doorknob and opened the door slightly. "What are you doing here?" You ask, looking both ways down the hallway. 

"I fucking miss you," Kai yells. "Please let me in." He begs. 

You can hear your neighbours beginning to get annoyed, so you opened the door fully and grabbed Kai by his shirt to drag him in.

"You can't just show up here like this." You say, crossing your arms. "You're engaged." You finish, those last few words felt so bitter coming out of your mouth. 

"I'm not… I'm not engaged." Kai says, walking closer to you. He pulls you in, just holding you but your arms are still crossed. "Please.. hold me back." He whispers. 

As a tear rolls down your cheek, you uncross your arms holding onto him tightly. The two of you stand there for a moment, you take in his smell, remembering what he used to smell like. It's the same, but whiskey added tonight. 

"Come." You whisper, letting go of him, and pulling him towards your shower. You run the hot water as he stands there. "There are towels in here." You say pointing to the cabinet. "I'll have some clothes for you when you're done." You finish, leaving the bathroom to let him do his thing. 

He's not in there for very long. A few minutes later you look up to see him standing there with his towel wrapped around his waist with water dripping from his hair. You bite your lip at the sight of him, taking a deep breath and remembering you can't. You can't do that. 

"Here." You whisper, handing him some old clothes of his that you never got rid of. You felt a little ashamed to have kept them this long but it was something you could get over.  You turn around as he drops his towel, you can hear him sigh as he slides on his clothes  

"Done." He says, his voice low and shaky. 

"You need to sleep this off." You say, opening your bed covers. Kai crawls in, scooting over for you. 

"Please?" He asks, patting the open space beside him. 

"I can't." You whisper. "I'll be on the couch." You finish, walking away and turning out the lights as you make your way to the couch. 

** 

Kai wakes up startled. He sits up in bed, confused about where he is, he looks over at the clock, it reads 4:49 am and then he remembers. He came to your house, you hugged him back, put him in the shower and tucked him in. You were so good. 

Kai crawls out of bed, feeling his way out of your room and making his way to the living room. 

He walks in and sees you curled up on the couch, a small piece of your hair covering your face. He smiles at how peaceful and happy you look in your sleep. He misses watching you sleep at night, just looking at you and feeling so unbelievably grateful that you were his. Kai bends down, scooping you up in his arms and bringing you to your bed. He places you down, covering your shivering body as he crawls in beside you, making sure to leave space between you two. He wished he could wrap his arm around you and fall asleep with his face buried in the crook of your neck, but instead he fell back asleep with his face buried in your pillow and tears rolling down his cheeks. 

That morning you wake up, feeling extra warm. You stretch out your back, pushing out your ass and you're met with something hard pushed up against you. Your eyes shoot open as you feel a hand sliding over your stomach, pulling you in closer. You shouldn't be doing this but fuck, you missed him, you missed this and everything that came with it. 

A few minutes couldn't hurt. So you snuggled back into him, relishing in the feeling of being held by him again, his strong arms wrapped around you, making you feel like the safest person in the world. Your personality made a bit of a flip and you began scooting your ass back a little more, lightly grinding yourself on his cock. 

"Mhmm." He groans, pushing himself against your ass harder. "Goodmorning." He says, his voice husky and quiet. 

"Goodmorning." You whisper. 

"Can I.. just." He pauses, pushing himself into you further. You weren't sure what came over you, maybe it was the trance that you always seem to be in around him but you opened your legs, giving Kai the invitation to enter. 

He lets out a loud groan as he moves to pull his sweats and boxers down, his cock ready as it drips precum. You open your legs a little more, letting him move your panties to the side before he slides himself inside you, stretching out your pussy.

"Fuck." You whimper as he slides in and out of you slowly, making you crave more. He pulls up your shirt, exposing your bare breasts before cupping one, twiddling your nipple between his fingers. 

You reach your hand down between your legs, pressing down on your throbbing clit before gently rubbing as Kai continues to thrust inside of you. His face is pressed into your neck, nipping gently as his hot breath flows over you. 

"I've missed you." He breathes. "Your scent, your face, your body, your pussy, everything about you." He groans. Kai continues to fuck you, his hand leaving your breast to move up, wrapping around your neck. He lightly squeezes, making you moan loudly as your orgasm builds. 

"I missed you." You cry out, rubbing yourself faster, needing your release. 

Kai's hand around your neck tightens as you both cum, your body squirming as he fills you up. You both lay there, breathing, taking a moment. He releases your neck but instead of moving away from you, holds you closely for a few minutes. 

Kai springs out of bed a few minutes later, pulling on a shirt before finding his shoes. "Shit." He panics. 

"What are you doing?" You ask, very confused. 

"I have to go to work. I'm already late." He chuckles. "I will text you." He says, kissing you gently on the cheek before running out the door, leaving you standing there with his cum dripping down your leg. 

"Rude." You scoff, making your way to shower. Before you get in you text Jisoo, asking her to lunch because now, you have more news. 

She texts back immediately confirming and telling you she can't wait. 

**

"Again!?" Jisoo yells, throwing her hands up in the air while you hide behind your hands. "You slept with him, again." She sighs. 

"It was a.." you begin. 

"I will cut you if you say it was a mistake." Jisoo threatens. "Look, you guys need to chat about what the fuck is happening because you have me confused." 

"You're confused? I'm also confused." You sigh, taking a sip of your drink. 

"Excuse me." You hear from beside you. You look up and see a very handsome man standing in front of your table. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I just thought you were stunning and wanted to give you my number. If you are interested in a date, call me, if not at least I know I gave it a shot." He smiles, placing a napkin in front of you before walking away. 

You and Jisoo laugh as you slip the note into your purse. Considering how things were going with Kai, you didn't think you would need it. You finished your lunch with Jisoo and said goodbye before you went on a stroll and headed back to your apartment. You thought about your morning with Kai and smiled like an idiot as you skipped down the sidewalk, feeling like you were on top of the world. 

As you neared your apartment, you decided to stop and grab an iced coffee, maybe even a cookie from your favourite shop until suddenly you weren't very thirsty anymore, but instead, your heart sunk as your throat dried up. You looked in the window of the coffee shop and saw Kai sitting there with Hwasa, his hand in hers as they laughed. 

You pulled out your phone and dialled his number. You watched as he checked to see who was calling and then put his phone down, ignoring the call. 

With your heart hurting, you continued to walk to your apartment. You decided you were done being played by him and reached in your purse, digging for the napkin the stranger had given you earlier. If Kai wanted to play games with you, fuck with your feelings for him, well then you could do the same, and make him hurt more. 

The minute you got home you sat at your kitchen table, dialling the number the man had given you. 

"Hello?" He answers. 

"Hi." You say. "I realized that I never got your name." You smile. 

"I'm sorry." He laughs. "I don't usually do that so I was a little nervous. My name is Taemin." He tells you. For some reason his name made you smile widely. 

"Nice to meet you, Taemin. My name is Ayn." You say. 

"Well Ayn, would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?" He asks. 

"I would love to." You answer, without a second thought. Kai was pushed so far to the back of your mind, you didn't even feel guilty about saying yes to Taemin, Kai could have Hwasa. 

"7 pm, Jungsik Seoul. Is it okay if we meet there?" He asks. 

"Yes, that sounds perfect. See you tomorrow." You say, hanging up after he says goodbye. 

You were truly excited, maybe this means you and Kai weren't meant for each other. Setting your phone on the table, you walk away, trying to decide what you wanted to have for dinner tonight when your phone rang again. You made the mistake of answering it without even looking at who was calling, you were just trying to be happy. 

"Hello?" You answer, a little tune in your voice. 

"Hi, beautiful." You hear on the other end. 

"Kai?" You ask.

"Yes, baby, you and me, tomorrow night. Can we talk please?" He asks. 

"No." You spit. "I saw you with Hwasa at the coffee shop this afternoon. You were smiling while holding her hand. So much for a break. I really continue to surprise myself at how many times I'll let you fuck with my heart." 

"Ayn." He says but you don't stop. 

"I have a date tomorrow night." You say. "He's taking me to Jungsik Seoul. So I'm busy, bye." You finish, hanging up the phone. You toss your phone onto your couch, heading to the bathroom and slamming the door behind you, your mood now completely ruined. 

**

You stood outside the restaurant in your red flowy dress and heels as you waited for Taemin to show up. You checked your phone again and it was only 6:57pm, so it's not like he was late, you were just a naturally early person. 

"Hey." You hear from behind you. You turn around and see Taemin walking up to you, in his suit that fit him perfectly, his hair laid out in a perfect way to shape his face, his plump lips spread into a smile. 

"Hi." You smile. 

"Have you been waiting long?" He asks, pulling the door open for you. 

"Just a few minutes." You say, walking into the restaurant. "Not long at all." 

"Reservation for Lee Taemin." He tells the man at the front who then takes you to your seats. 

As the two of you look over the menu, the conversation is flowing and you can't control your laughter. You were having an amazing time with Taemin, but your heart wasn't fully in it. You took a sip of your wine as Taemin looked past you, slightly confused. 

"Hey man." He says, standing up. 

"What the hell are you doing?" You hear from behind you. It's Kai. 

"I'm on a date man," Taemin says, pointing to you. 

"With Ayn." Kai snaps. 

"Like.. the Ayn?" Taemin asks, looking between you both. 

"Yeah." Kai answers.

"Bro, I'm sorry, I didn't know," Taemin says, putting his hands up to surrender. 

"You don't get to do this." You spit, standing up from the table. "You don't get to waltz in here and pull this shit." 

"He's a friend, Ayn. He knows about everything and how bad I've wanted you back." Kai tries to explain. 

"Oh, I'm sure you wanted me back so bad." You scoff. "That's why you were getting all cozy with Hwasa yesterday right? That was wanting me back, right?" You yell, crying again. "I'm tired of you lying to me about her. Either you're done with her or you're not." You finish in a whisper. 

"I am done. Look, Ayn, it's not what you think at all. Please, please let me explain." He begs. 

You look around the restaurant at all the people watching you and your drama. "Fine." You whisper, sitting down slowly into your seat. 

"Do you mind?" Kai asks Taemin, pointing to his seat. 

"Get your girl, man." Taemin smiles, walking out of the restaurant, leaving you both to talk. 

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom." You sniffle, earning a smile from Kai. 

You walk to the bathroom, with the plans of fixing up your makeup, trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable again. But you never had expected to see Hwasa standing in the bathroom, leaning against the wall as if she was waiting for you.

"Awh." She fake pouts. "Poor little Ayn. Are you upset that you're trying to ruin someone else's relationship?" She asks. 

You ignore her. 

Hwasa laughs. "Do you think you've won because he's sitting out there wanting to talk to you? Sweetie, he walked out on you once, what makes you think he won't do it again?" She smiles. "If I were you, I'd be so insecure because I'm not giving up my man." She spits, walking out of the bathroom. 

Fuck your makeup, you storm right out of the bathroom and head for the table you share with Kai. "Are you done with her?" You ask, slamming your hands on the table. 

"W-what?" He asks. "Yes, I don't want her." 

"Then you should probably let her know because she just told me in the bathroom that she's not giving you up." You tell him. 

Kai stands up, looking around the restaurant. "Hwasa." He calls out. 

She smiles widely as she walks towards the table. "Hi, baby." She purrs, sliding her arm onto his shoulder. 

Kai pushes her off. "Look, I told you yesterday over coffee, I'm done. I don't want you." Kai growls. 

"Are you forgetting our little arrangement?" Hwasa scoffs. "I can pull out my money and you'll be ruined." She threatens. 

"You'll have your money back tomorrow, first thing. You're not hanging this over my head anymore, Hwasa." Kai spits, pointing to her face. "Get it through your thick skull, it's always been her." He finishes, walking towards you, taking  your hand and pulling you from the restaurant, leaving Hwasa standing there, looking like a fool. 

** 

It had now been a year of you and Kai being back together and they have been the best year of your life. After that night at the restaurant, you and Kai sat down and had a very long talk about everything, clearing the air, no more secrets. Slowly as the days went on, you began to trust him more and more, which led to you slowly dating again. 

After a few months you didn't want to do the slow thing anymore. You wanted him fully. You had no doubts about your relationship, and you didn't want to wait to give yourself fully to him. Kai had your heart in his hands, and you knew he would never do anything to break it again. 

** 

"You're lying." Kai whispers, staring at Hwasa with wide eyes. "You can't.. it's not mine." Kai says. 

"The Night of the hotel with the papers. That wasn't Ayn you were with. It was me." She tells you. 

Kai closes his eyes, flashing back to that night four months ago. 

"I miss you." You pout into the phone, making Kai chuckle on the other end. 

"I miss you too, baby." He groans. "I'm going to kill Baekhyun for this." 

"You can't kill him. He needs his best friend. Make sure you're safe tonight. I have something exciting to tell you when you get home in the morning." You smile, looking over at the positive pregnancy test sitting on the kitchen table. 

"Okay baby, they're calling me, so I will see you in the morning. I love you." He sighs. 

"I love you more." You whisper before hanging up the phone. 

**

"Sorry about that." Kai says, putting his phone in his pocket. 

"No worries." Hwasa answers, sliding papers towards him. "These are the transfer of ownership papers." She says, pouring a glass on whiskey for Kai. 

"This is all you called me here for? To give me papers?" He asks. 

"Yes." Hwasa answers. "Actually, I do have a question." She says.

Kai takes the glass drinking the shot before Hwasa fills it up again. 

"Why Ayn?" She asks. "What is so special about her?" 

Kai chuckles as he drinks another shot, and another one. "She was the first one to think of me as more than just a dick." Kai answers. "She saw i was worth more than being just a good fuck." 

Hwasa nods her head as she pours Kai another shot, his body beginning to feel warm. 

"I think you're more than just your dick." Hwasa whispers, pushing the shit towards him, leaning in closely to Kai. 

He takes a breath, smelling the air. It smells like you, he can smell your perfume. "Ayn." He smiles. His world spins slightly as he takes the shot. He looks up and he swears he sees you sitting across from him. 

"Lets go to bed." He hears. A woman helps him up, taking him up to a hotel room and laying him in the bed. 

"Ayn, my sweet baby. I like your dress." He smiles as he squints his eyes, watching the dress fall to the floor. 

"I want you." He hears a whisper, making him groan. 

"Oh baby, I want you too." Kai groans, unblocking his belt. 

He watches as his cock is pulled out. He closes his eyes as a mouth wraps around his tip, teasing him with a tongue before sucking hard, bobbing up and down as his cock gets sucked. 

"Fuck." He huffs, his hands reaching up and grabbing a chunk of hair, holding the head steady as he thrusts himself up, his cock sliding down the throat. 

"Ride my cock." He whimpers. 

His eyes are still closed as he feels a body climb up the bed, hovering over him before sitting on his cock. "Oh god." He hears moaned from above. He places his hands on hips, helping rock back and forth. 

"You always feel so good around my cock." He whines, his fingertips digging into the thighs on top of him. 

"Cum." He demands, his teeth clenched together. He listens to the sweet sound of moans from above him, as fingertips dig into his chest. 

It doesn't take long for Kai to cum, filling up the warm pussy that surrounds his cock. 

"Fuck, I love you." He sighs before falling asleep. 

In the morning Kai wakes up startled and confused. He remembers drinking with Hwasa, but he must have drank too much. He looks over and sees Hwasa sleeping in the other bed in the room, both of them still fully clothed. He went home that morning and told you about the wild sex dream he had about you, and you told him you were pregnant. 

** 

Kai walks in the door of your shared apartment and sees you standing there, with two tiny baby onesies, one with blue writing and one with pink. 

"It's twins babe." You cry. "A boy and a girl!" 

Kai walks towards you, dropping to his knees, sobbing with his head down.

"I'm so sorry Ayn, I fucked up." He whispers. "Hwasa's pregnant and it's mine." 

[mengyan]

Just curious but how the heck did you get Duane into your server? Imagine being that iconic /pos

oh god okay anon would you believe me if i said it all started from me being a julethief simp because that is technically what happened—

so duane did a q&a livestream with alicyn on instagram right? and we were allowed to submit questions in the question box thingy, obviously i have brainrot so i asked duane “what do you like about carmen and julia’s dynamic?”

innocent enough question, was not expecting it to be answered, really. then alicyn picked it to answer and oh god the absolute chaos in the carulia server that ensued—

anyways. duane kept getting cut off, internet or device issues, possibly both. we were in hysterics at this point. discord was going at 5 messages per second. keysmashes. even the people in the livestream chat were crying. (slight exaggeration, but also not really.) all we heard was “captivated” “love story” “train scene” and that was all we thrived on for the next few hours.

no matter how many times they tried to redo the stream to answer the question (it was like three attempts i think?) it just didn’t work, so they ended it there. me being someone who can never leave anything well enough alone, i dmed alicyn immediately asking if duane could provide a typed out answer. she got back to me a few hours later, saying i’d have to ask him myself. so i dmed him, having no self control and all, explaining how our discord server was freaking out and needed a clear answer.

i wasn’t expecting a response! he replied to me the next day (?) and i’ve posted his answers somewhere down on my blog. anyway, we all freaked out again, sent him five more questions, he replied to those as well, and i thought that’d be the end of it.

wrong! i thought i scared him off but then he came back and messaged me asking if we wanted to set up a livechat interview through discord? he’d talk to us for an hour and we’d just have to pick a time and date and let him know.

more chaos. you get the idea. clearly we couldn’t let him into the carulia server, and we agreed that the main 2.0 server had too many people and would be overwhelming, so i made a whole new server (called “viva la femme rouge!” after a message he sent me) and sent him the invite for that. (we currently have 20 something members idk i haven’t checked)

anyways, he kept joining and leaving periodically “just to check in” which was honestly terrifying for us because we didn’t know if he’d be staying or not or what convos he would walk in on 😭 finally on the 8th he stayed for a while longer to say hello, which then turned into an impromptu conversation / q&a with us!

he left again after that (we kept trying to tell him to just close the tab instead of the hassle of leaving the server every time but i don’t think he understood that concept) and then dmed me about the date and time again for the official q&a. we decided on the 14th at 8 PM EST.

and that brings us to sunday, the interview day! i did absolutely nothing productive that weekend and honestly, it was worth it. duane even went overtime to answer our questions thoroughly- it was originally supposed to be an hour q&a, but it went for two hours i believe- and it was a really fun time! (we were all hyperventilating on carulia server’s vc before it started though)

oh, and he’s still in the server, probably finally grasping the concept of not leaving, which is... mildly terrifying. it’s absolute crickets in there currently which is hilarious imo. he said he’d lurk around and read over his answers, let us know if he had any afterthoughts. he thanked us for having him which was really sweet!! we also said we’d love to have him join us again if he wanted, so yeah!

i think this sums it up?? kinda?? it’s like 3 AM here haha i hope this makes sense :D

[whaleofatjme1920]

[Shay, Darkwood, 19, She/They, Platonic, The Wolfman/Lucjusz]

━

Ahh,, I'm back at it again wolf boy. Actually is wolf boy even correct, you so fucking old. Maybe wolf urn?? Like dude should you be an crusty rusty bag of bones by now. My favorite bag of bones tho.

Anyways I got the letter, fun shit. Someone threw it at my window and I think I collectively saw the afterlife for a minute but ya know.

Glad to hear business is thriving, gotta be on the grind for the bag at all hours. I'm doing that and I think I collectively lose it when I do as well, just slowly desending into madness. It pays good though so like hey tution is getting paid somehow. To answer the burning question, yes there maybe an couple people relatively that have made me angry. Popped my rice krispie treats per say but I'm not telling you cause the last thing I need is to be booked for accomplice to homicide.

Ah yes the religious zealots that have almost everything closed every Sunday. It's an pain but I make do. But yes I'm supposed to be poking dead bodies down the line, right now just going through the crash intro to it all. I've seen pictures of the dead but nothing inherently exciting. I would take you up on the offer, do some grave robbing like the days of old. In your time I believe, that was the way to learn how to be surgeon. Bring your own dead body to class.

Anyways Communist Peepaw, hope this letter somehow gets to you. People are getting unreliable and at this point I think I may have considered summoning something to just take it over. Or I conned some guy into wondering in, either way there's probably food this time around, don't know how you feel about dark chocolate let alone if you can have it. Like your dog right? Maybe not, shit I might just have sent you poison esstiental. Have fun with it though! :)

- Shay

[Disclaimer: Letters To Those You Hold Dear (Valentine's Edition) is a special event I'm holding from February 13th - February 23rd 11:59 PM. Find the guidelines HERE so you can send a letter or two to those you hold dear <3.]

Привет Shay,

See, this time I gave you a proper greeting, and you still have the fucking nerve to insult me as you do. Fucking cryptid that can't even drive straight. You call me old, and then you call me 'communist peepaw'? You remember who you are conversing with, да? Still, there is admittedly a charm to your anomalous behavior.

I did not... Send anyone to throw the letter at you? Interesting, how people take my commands. I think I scare them to the point that they think if they do not follow my specific directions to the letter, I will come and devour them. I would do so with or without their insubordination, but-.

I have told you time and time again that the business I am in pays more than well because humans can be sick fucks. Have you ever considered an apprenticeship? I have contacts who are looking for underlings. Not me though, you stay safe. Please, by all means, tell me the names of the people who make you upset. I have been looking for fresh meat for a while, and I cannot keep eating clientele. It is bad for business. Very bad. I would not mind eating religious zealots though. I wonder if their belief in god makes them sweeter? More bitter? I should be taking notes.

Pictures do not compare to the real thing, we both know this. I could easily show you a real dead body, just name the time and place. I have been yearning for air that doesn't feel so stale. The woods cannot recuperate after that ugly fucker tried to set it ablaze, and while I enjoy the scent of burnt shit like anyone else, I have a headache. Maybe we should rob a grave, just for the hell of it. You are a witch, right? Can ward off whatever spirit gets angry at us for disturbing their eternal slumber. That would be fun, or do you still wish to be alone on a Friday night?

Party foul for the chocolate question. You should know me better than that.

опа!

- L.

[Attached with the letter is a bottle of Russian whiskey and a note tied on a string to its neck reading: 'I didn't know we even had whiskey here. Beer, sure. Champagne, yes. But whiskey?']

[reyescarlos]

#30 from the Prompt list for Tarlos! Please :3

yesss, thank you for sending in a request! hope you like it!

#30 “I love you, okay? I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it.”

TK looks up at the sky, watching clouds drift lazily above him. This is truly a perfect day, his mind at ease in a way it always seems to be whenever he’s spending quality time with Carlos, the man who has had his heart for eleven months now. There may be other people around enjoying the warm weather too but everything outside the perimeter of the blanket they’re stretched out on now doesn’t affect him.

A Sunday picnic in the park is just one of the many simple pleasures in life that he’s been relishing in. The simplicity of being in Carlos’ company is a comfort, one that TK never takes for granted.

Carlos’ head is beside his own, his body facing the opposite direction. Carlos sighs heavily and TK turns his head to read his expression. The man looks pensive, brows furrowed slightly, his lips now pursed in thought as his gaze remains on the sky. TK lifts a hand and smooths one of Carlos’ brows with his index finger, coaxing him from his deep thoughts.

“Where’d you go?”

Carlos faces him then, a small smile on his lips though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. TK lowers his hand but Carlos takes a hold of it and clutches it to his chest.

“I’m right here with you.”

TK can’t help but to smile at the gesture, especially at the quickening thump of Carlos’ heart as the man peers over at him. Nothing seems to ground them more than physical touch; holding hands, hugging, a gentle squeeze. These little instances never fail to bring them back to base.

“Can I ask you something?” Carlos says.

There’s a note of hesitancy in the question that makes TK sit upright. Carlos very rarely sounds unsure of himself and if the look on his face now is any indicator, he appears to be truly nervous about whatever it is he intends to ask.

“Of course you can. What’s on your mind?”

Carlos falters for a fraction of a second before pushing through.

“It’s sort of about your relationship with Alex.”

The name comes out with some disdain. TK does his best to mask his surprise though he doesn’t think he’s doing a very good job of it. Carlos never mentions his ex and TK certainly hasn’t had any interest in thinking about the man, let alone bringing him up either.

“Oh? Um, sure. What about it?”

Carlos sighs and sits up too, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I’m just wondering if that experience has spoiled your views on the subject of marriage.”

TK’s eyes widen and he tries to say something but comes up short. Things have been going perfectly for them since they made their relationship official. This is without a doubt the healthiest and most stable relationship TK has ever been in. To have such a connection to someone, especially on the heels of his last relationship, TK has been pinching himself over his luck.

He and Carlos always talk about loving each other forever but now that TK thinks on it now, they’ve never explicitly talked about it in terms of marriage. It just felt like a given.

He’d love nothing more than to always have this, to be this beside himself with joy and gratitude. In Carlos he’s found true love, one that doesn’t leave him feeling drained and yet still somehow as if he’s not enough. It’s the complete opposite of life with Alex and all the failed relationships that came before.

TK hadn’t been expecting Carlos to have marriage on his mind at this moment and he’s so stunned that he can’t even say anything.

Carlos cringes a bit at his silence and TK could just kick himself for it. But before he can clarify what his silence means, Carlos keeps talking.

“I’m not saying we’re there yet, of course. I know we haven’t even been together for a full year. But I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t easily picture that kind of future with you. And if, hopefully when, the time comes for us to actually reach that stage...I don’t know. I’ve never loved someone this deeply before.

“I don’t know if it’s too soon to even be talking like this. Or if I’m bringing up things you’d rather forget. All I know is that I always want us to be on the same page because I want a happy ending with you, TK, whatever that may look like for us.”

Carlos stops then and shakes his head. “This went a lot smoother in my head,” he jokes nervously. “Sorry for being all over the place.”

TK smiles softly. “You’re doing just fine, babe.”

Seemingly reassured, Carlos pulls in a long breath and nods before continuing.

“He was important to you. You loved him enough to want to make the ultimate commitment. But since things didn’t pan out as you would have hoped,” he says, a polite understatement TK thinks, “I’m curious if you’ve written off the idea of one day marrying someone.”

TK takes notice of the word someone but doesn’t press it. He can already see how vulnerable Carlos feels now even mentioning any of this. He supposes it may just make it easier for Carlos to discuss, phrasing it this way.

“Honestly, no, he hasn’t ruined the concept for me. I’ll admit, when it first happened, I didn’t see a way out of that hopeless feeling. I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to date again. Then you came along and proved me wrong.”

Carlos smiles faintly at this, placing a hand on TK’s knee.

“I’m not ruling anything out. My life has taken turns I never saw coming, some surprises much better than others,” he says, bumping his knee softly against Carlos’ with a smile. “But through it all, all those highs and lows, I’ve grown and I’ve changed.”

“So, you could see it in the cards for us?”

TK touches a hand to Carlos’ face, stroking his cheek.

“I could. Anytime I think about our future, it looks so damn bright to me...all of this potential. You make me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

It’s the honest truth. Each morning he wakes up grateful to have Carlos and on those particular mornings he sees Carlos in the spot beside him, he has to wonder how he’s even the same person that suffered so greatly in New York to be thriving so well in Austin.

“No has ever mattered to me this much. I know we’re in a good place with each other,” Carlos says. “ I don’t ever want to lose you or this feeling. And I know that’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, I know. I just had to put that out there.”

TK frowns. “You don’t ever have to worry about that sort of thing with me. I love you, okay? I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. I’ll invent a whole new language just to find another way to tell you how in love with you I am, if that’s what it takes for the message to sink in,” he muses. “I don’t think I really knew what love could actually feel like until this.”

“Even with…,” Carlos trails off but TK can fill in the blanks easily.

“I’ve been realizing that what I had with him wasn’t actually love. Not in its truest form like what I have here with you, anyway. It took my life blowing up to find something real.”

TK looks off for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

“Proposing to him was a last-ditch effort to save a relationship that was so broken. I just couldn’t see it at the time...I didn’t want to, more like it. Things had been off between us for a while and I got this idea going that we just needed to be closer to fix it. I was holding on to something that I should have let go of. Loving him almost cost me everything.”

“It’s a scary thought, imagining what it’d be like if we never met. The love of my life was up in New York that whole time,” Carlos says softly. “It’s scary to think what we could have missed out on. More importantly that the world could have lost you.”

Carlos lets out a shaky breath. “I’m really glad you survived all of that. You’re the strongest person I know and I’m really, really proud of you, TK.”

TK feels his eyes stinging at the sentiment and he blinks back his tears. This isn’t something they talk about often, never mind so openly. But TK is glad for it now. As much as he hates the difficult parts of his past, it’s still a component of his present, something he’ll have to be mindful of his whole life.

But with the support of his loved ones and this man who has become his entire world, he feels confident about his successes on the road ahead.

Carlos looks down, picking at blades of grass at the blanket’s edge.

“I hate even the idea of you ever hurting but it brought you down here to me. Maybe that makes me a bad person, I don’t know. It’s selfish and so wrong to be glad that you got uprooted. I hate the circumstances but I’m glad for the result.”

TK smiles, taking Carlos’ face in his hands. He stares at him for a moment, watching the way the sunlight brings out the honey tones in his brown eyes. It’s enough to make TK melt.

His last few days in New York had been some of the harrowing and challenging days he’d ever faced. Happiness was such an abstract concept, something he didn’t think he’d ever be able to experience again. It made the unexpectedness of finding Carlos just that much more special.

“It’s not selfish and you, Carlos Reyes, are a remarkable person. I’ve never met anyone with a heart like yours. I’m glad for the second chance I got.”

He rests his forehead against Carlos’, kissing the tip of his nose, a hand cradling the nape of his neck.

“Any road that led here would have been worth it. It took a few tries but I know I’ve got it right this time. I want it all with you, Carlos. No doubts about it.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

kiss me in the d-a-r-k .2.

sunday

Warnings: non/dub con sex (kissling and touchling) psst that’s a game grumps joke which I don’t know the reference for, but seriously, warnings people.

This is dark!(dad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: The reader struggles through a restless night.

Note: Part two has arrived. There will be six total (She leaves on Friday, y’all so not an entire week but close enough right!) Hope you guys are having fun with this, it’s a bit of a slow burn but it gets hot! I promise.

We get a sexy dad!Steve who’s a bit more devious than dark and well…I’ll let you guys figure it out for yourselves! I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think!

...

The long drive and day in the sun coaxed you into a deep sleep. You awoke as the sunlight peeked in around the heavy curtains and stretched across the queen mattress. University had conditioned you to a narrow twin bed and home had seen you sleeping on an aged double. This was a true vacation even if set in the middle of suburbia.

You rose and readied for another day. You'd bask in laziness for as long as it lasted. A pair of torn denim shorts, a loose tank top from that concert you attended during frosh week, and the most comfortable bra you had short of none at all. 

You stepped out into the hall. The house was quiet. The silence even more daunting as the grand halls were airy and seemingly endless. You tiptoed down to Kylie’s door and knocked. No answer. You gave another tap and turned the handle slowly.

Kylie was goddess-like in consciousness, but asleep, she was a bear in her cave. Her snores met you first and then the sight of her. Stretched across her canopied bed with a blanket twisted around her long leg. Her phone was still in her hand just beside her pillow.

You backed out and gently closed the door. You hated waking other people. You could wait for her. It was early. Only seven. Maybe you could do something nice. Breakfast? Kylie was nice enough to host and her father was tolerant enough to allow her. It would be a pleasant surprise...if you didn’t destroy the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen, you paused and looked around. Even if it was a kind gesture, you wondered if you were overstepping. Staying in another’s house was always a high wire act. A little too far one way or another and you’d be falling to your demise. You bit your lip and your eyes focused on the silver coffee maker at the corner of the counter. Coffee wouldn’t be too much.

You neared and leaned over the marble. Alright, this was a fancy machine. Where exactly did you put the water? You ran your fingers along the top as you felt for a lip but it was entirely smooth. You frowned and traced your fingertips down the back. Was this magic? Could they afford even that?

“You alright?” You were drawn back by the voice, a pathetic squeak caught in your throat. Steve stood at the end of the island. How long had he been there? Watching?

“Yeah, I uh...was trying to figure out how to make coffee. I mean, I know how to I just--”

“It’s fine,” He assured you and rounded the island, “It’s a stupid machine.” He neared and leaned over the counter. You were pinned against the curve of it as he pressed his fingers around the other side. The top popped up with a click. “When we were still together, my ex-wife hired an interior designer who shared her taste in the extravagant. I’ve just never bothered to use it too much but Kylie thrives on her lattes.”

“Oh,” He backed up and opened the cupboard above. He shifted through the boxes of tea and spices. He pulled out three bags of beans. “She has...Colombian, espresso, and...salted caramel? Hmm, didn’t know coffee was so fancy.” He looked back into the cupboard. He could see much more than you could. “I’m sure she has more.”

“It’s fine, Colombian works for me,” You assured him and made yourself look at him. His hair was slightly damp with sweat and his thin shirt clung to his chest.

He left the Colombian roast out and closed the cupboard. He opened the next and pulled out the grinder. You watched as he plugged it in. It was usually instant or pre-ground for you. You felt even more displaced.

“Thanks.” You mumbled and he smiled as he took the top off the grinder and opened it up. “I think I can figure it out from here.”

“I’m sure you can,” He handed over the detachable cup and backed up. He grabbed the empty plastic tumbler he had left on the island and went to the sink. He rinsed it out as you loaded the beans into the grinder. “I’ve already had my wake up,” He said as he placed the cup in the dish rack and worked on cleaning the lid. 

“Work out?” You wondered. The shorts, the shoes, the sweat. It was easy small talk.

“Try to get them in before Kylie wakes...which these days isn’t before noon,” He turned off the tap and leaned against the island as he watched you. He paused as you clicked the cup into place and nodded for you to hit the button. He waited as you ground the beans. “Not used to having her back. Last summer she had a job but she’s back to her mom’s in two weeks so we’ll see if she can find anything there.”

“Oh, it must be...crowded now,” Your words turned to a grunt as you tried to untwist the cup. It was jammed. 

“Mmm, I wouldn’t put it that way,” He replied, “Wait, don’t force--”

He was behind you but not fast enough. The top of the grinder released and grounds dusted your front. Down your face and neck, all the way inside your tank top. His laugh kept your from cursing.

“Sorry, I should’ve warned you,” He took the grinder from you and shoved it back. He opened a drawer and grabbed a cloth. You turned to him as you tried not to spread the coffee to the floor. “Hold still.” 

He started to wipe you face, surprising you as you thought he was focused more on the counter. You blinked and let him. You didn’t know what else to do. He chuckled as the cloth swept around your chin and down your neck. 

“Well, I guess this is one way of getting a caffeine rush.”

You shook your head and his hand hovered just above your tank top. You both froze at the realization. His eyes went to his hand and your breath caught. You reached up and snatched the cloth from him and he quickly rescinded his arm. You turned and continued to wipe away the grinds on you before focusing on the counter.

“Sorry, I’ve made such a mess.” You tried to ignore the rising tension. That was weird.

He was beside you again and he reached for the cup. He held it up. “I think there’s enough for a pot.” 

He stepped behind you as you bent slightly over the counter to get the stray grounds. You could feel him against you as he reached around and grabbed the filter from the machine. He didn’t back up as he filled it and put it back. 

“You should go get cleaned up. I’ll take care of the coffee,” He took the carafe and finally backed away. “Don’t worry about the counter.”

He filled the pot. You peeked over at him as you straightened up with a hand full of grounds. You swore he was smiling. Rather, smirking. You tore your eyes from him and searched out the trash bin at the end of the counter. You hit the step and dumped the handful inside and shook out the cloth.

“Thanks,” You said as you neared and set the cloth beside the sink. “Again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” He twisted the faucet off. “Figured you girls would need a hand around here anyway.”

You nodded and rushed out of the room. You had embarrassed yourself enough. You didn’t consider his words until you were halfway up the stairs. Kylie said his plans had been cancelled but he made it sound like it was more of a choice. Maybe it had been to keep her from Taylor after all. 

You shrugged. It wasn’t your problem. It was more a father-daughter issue and you preferred to ignore it and enjoy your reprieve from the real world.

-

Your second day went much the same as the first. Sunbathing, swimming, and scintillation. At least the novel tried to be steamy but it was more hot air.

You were on a lounge chair, sunglasses hid your closed eyes, and you sighed. You didn’t want to get up but there were limits to your sluggishness. You were thirsty and the heat wasn’t helping. Kylie was on her phone with her legs in the pool. She had been chattering for the last hour trying to arrange some get together.

You stood with a stretch. “Hey,” She covered the speaker of her phone, “You going inside?”

“Just grabbing some water,” You said.

“Can you get me a cooler. There right in the back hidden behind the eggs.” You frowned. You didn’t want to abet her in her deception but you also didn’t need to argue with your host. 

“Fine,” She was already back on her phone, knowing your acquiescence was granted.

You slid the glass door open and stepped inside. The kitchen was enticingly cool. You poured yourself a water and set it on the island. You  already made enough of a mess in here and you weren’t eager to outstay yourself already. You opened the fridge and searched out the eggs. They were beneath the butter dish and an unopened carton of cream. 

You bent and snaked your arm over the dairy and felt around for the secreted coolers. Jesus Christ, this fridge was the second portal to Narnia. Nothing. A shadow appeared over you and you stood so fast you hit your elbow on the fridge door.

Steve leaned against the freezer door as he grinned down at you. “I moved the coolers,” He said. “Just under the crisper.”

“Oh,” You chewed your cheek guiltily. “I--”

“Kylie’s not as clever as she thinks. Besides, I always told her, under this roof and within reason, she can indulge. She’s an adult by law but can’t buy a drink or rent a car. Rules don’t always make sense.”

You backed up as he knelt down and reached under the drawer and revealed a bright blue vodka drink. He stood and offered it to you. “You grabbing one for her too?”

“This is for her?” You hesitantly took the bottle. “Thanks.”

“Not much of a vacation,” He snickered.

“Water’s fine,” You backed up and started to close the fridge door. He caught it swiftly.

“You sure? I got beer?” He offered.

“No, really. I shouldn’t.”

He laughed and let go of the door. “You know, Kylie doesn’t usually have such straight-laced friends.”

“I’m not straight-laced,” You said. “I just...don’t want any.”

“No judgment from me,” He held his hands up as you stepped past him and grabbed your water. “Either way. Offer stands. Beer’s in the mini-fridge in the garage. Or you can try your luck at bartering a cooler off Kylie.”

“Thanks,” You were curt. You didn’t mean to be but the tension from earlier started to nip at you. These little run-ins were starting to be less spontaneous. His little jokes were not as amusing. Not so transparent. 

You held the bottle under your arm as you slid shut the glass door behind you. You peered through it as you did and found Steve’s gaze well below your eye line. You turned quickly and acted like you didn’t notice. You didn’t. It was all your imagination. Surely, it had to be. If you couldn’t turn the heads of frat boys, you were nothing to the established suburban man.

-

You couldn’t sleep. You could blame the usual reticence of being in another’s house;the feeling of displacement that made it hard to settle down. Homesickness, even. But likely it was the argument that had ended your night. You came here to live it up with Kylie but she had other plans. Well, she always had other, better plans.

She was sneaking out to see Taylor. Not only were you offended that you were being ditched, you didn’t want to be dragged into her deceptions. It was one thing for her to lie to her dad but another for you to do it. As far as you were concerned, he was footing the cost of your visit and it was becoming more and more obvious. You felt more a boarder than a guest.

Of course, Kylie was stubborn. You never won an argument with her. She did as she pleased and you just rolled over. Fine, let her go out. If you were sent home early, maybe it was for the best. You were already dreading the pool party she had planned for the next night. For her it was a reunion, for you, a night of introductions. Those never went very well.

You pulled the pillow over your head and growled. Sleep, please. You wouldn’t be so mad in the morning and your anxiety would die down by the time of the party. Hopefully. Another fifteen minutes tossing and turning and you threw your pillow.

You grabbed your phone as you sat up and checked the time. One in the morning. Kylie had messaged you shortly after her escape. ‘Be back before morning’. Great, not vague at all. You rolled your eyes and dropped your phone onto the bed. You needed something to ease your nerves. Tire yourself out.

You didn’t bother flipping on the light. The moon streamed in through the open curtains and you searched out your most comfortable shorts and a tank top. You were glad you had the sense to pack a sports bra. You anticipated joining Kylie on one of her morning runs. She hadn’t yet woke up early enough for that.

You pulled on your sneakers and stood. You weren’t really a gym person but you might as well take advantage of it while you were here. You stepped out into the hall, keeping your footsteps light as you found the railing and carefully descended the stairs. Your eyes attuned to the dark and you were more confident in your path.

The gym was at the east end of the lower floor. You stopped at the end of the hall and listened. The echoes of your sneakers stoked your paranoia. Both Steve and Kylie welcomed you to enjoy the house’s perks. You were doing nothing wrong.

You opened the door and flicked on the light. You should’ve grabbed your phone. Music always went well with exercise. Oh well. You just wanted to work off some of this excess energy. You stretched and climbed onto the bicycle. It faced away from the door and out the large window that peaked out onto the finely trimmed garden. The yard was almost eerie at night. A labyrinth of shadows.

You pedaled for about ten minutes before you felt like falling off. Your muscles burned already. It might be a good idea to use the uni gym when you returned to campus. It was included in tuition and you’d hate to toss away money for nothing. 

You kicked your legs back to their limit and the door clicked. You stopped suddenly and the pedals pushed on your feet uncomfortably. You peeked over your shoulder as the door opened. Steve looked surprised to find you there and his blue eyes flashed. 

“Oh, sorry, thought maybe I left the light on,” He said. He wore nothing but a pair of dark blue shorts. A towel was over his broad shoulder and you made sure to keep your eyes above it. You untangled your feet from the pedals and stepped down from the bike with a small stumble. As graceful as ever.

“I was just...um, well, I couldn’t sleep, I thought…” You stuttered.

“It’s fine. That’s what it’s here for.” He smiled. “Must be contagious. I haven’t been able to settle down either.”

“Ah,” Your eyebrows twitched as you did your best to humour him.

“Heard the Mercedes about an hour ago. That didn’t help,” His voice turned stern. “Kylie thinks I still don’t know about that trellis she likes to climb down.” You glanced away guiltily. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you lie for her. I’m good at acting oblivious.”

You looked to him and frowned. “I told her not to go.”

“As I said, she’s an adult. You’re an adult,” He waved his hand nonchalantly, “I just happen to live here.”

You didn’t know what to say. You exhaled and glanced around the room. You were ready to go back to bed.

“Anyways, I didn’t mean to interrupt or reprimand you,” He pulled the towel from his shoulder and held it at his side. “Was just on my way to the hot tub and happened to see the light.”

Hot tub? You couldn’t help the tilt of your head. This house had everything. 

“No worries,” You assured him, “I was just about done.”

“Oh yeah?” He planted an elbow on the door frame. Don’t look, you warned yourself. Don’t look at his chest. Or his abs. You didn’t know men as old as him had abs. “You’re welcome to...join me? Hot tub’s warmed up and ready to go.”

You chuckled nervously. “No, I don’t...I appreciate it but I don’t even have my suit.”

He raised a brow and thought. The corner of his mouth lifted just a little. “You don’t need it.”

You blinked. Then blinked again. You weren’t quite sure you got his meaning. Or you did and were in shock. Either way, all you could do was stare.

You giggled. It was nervous and shrill but it was all you could manage. Your eyes slipped and you saw the twitch in his shorts. Oh god, you were starting to get light-headed. You were asleep. Dreaming. Right?

You barely noticed as he stood straight and crossed the gym. As he neared, he reached behind you and draped his towel over bicycle seat. You wanted to step back but you couldn’t make yourself. 

“It’s a vacation.” His hand was on your arm, “The hot water might even help you sleep. I’ve always been told as much.”

Your chest rose and fell and you murmured. There were no real words.

“It’s just a soak.” His voice was gristly. 

You were so stupid. Your head snapped back and you shook away the clouds. You had totally misunderstood him. You were a fool.

“Uh, sure,” You shrugged but sounded less than casual. “I don’t see why I shouldn’t. I mean...it’ll be nice.”

“You’re tense,” He squeezed your arm and let go, “It’ll loosen you up.”

-

Just down the hall was the jacuzzi room. There was a small sauna at its far end. The hot tub was the centerpiece and filled the small space with steam. Steve waved you in first and closed the door behind him as he followed. He left his towel on the long bench beside the door and wasted no time in approaching the tub.

He walked down the steps and sighed as he settled against the wall of the tub. You wondered, even if you had wildly misunderstood him, if this was at all appropriate. Kylie wasn’t even here. That made it feel even worse. 

You watched Steve stretch his arms across the lips of the jacuzzi and you pondered the rippling water. The jets were screaming your name. 

You started with your sneakers and socks. Those were easiest. The tank top was harder. Your sports bra offered enough coverage but wasn’t as thick as your usual one. You rolled down your shorts to reveal your panties. It wasn’t much different than a bikini but the panties were a bit too short in the back. You kept your front to Steve as you approached the tub. You could feel your butt peeking out the bottom.

You slowly descended the steps. The water lulled away your nerves as you got deeper and waded over to the bench, just at the end of Steve’s reach. That was an acceptable distance. Not far enough to offend but not close enough to disturb.

His head was leaned back, eyes closed. He was entirely unbothered by your presence. Why did you always do this? You always got so worked up for nothing. It was nothing! You exhaled and relaxed against the tub. You let your arms fall to your side and the water embraced you.

But you still couldn’t relax. Your heart was beating so fast. You fidgeted every time you started to sink too far and finally you sat up. You crossed your legs and examined the wrinkles along your fingertips. You felt a warmth on your shoulder just above the water. 

You looked over as Steve slid closer on the bench, his hand on your shoulder. “Just relax. Enjoy it,” He said, “Here, I’ve got this little trick for tension.” 

He was right against you as his hands went to either side of your head, his arm bent around your shoulder. He pushed two fingers to both temples and rubbed. 

“Come on. Close your eyes.” 

You didn’t know why you listened. It was wrong for him to touch you like this. You should say no but this was his house. He invited you in here and you couldn’t turn him away.

He rubbed your temples and your heart slowed. Then his fingers tickled along your cheeks and he massaged the back of your neck with his thumbs. Then he moved to your shoulders, a hand slipped and his arm was around you. He pulled you close as he continued to work your muscles with one hand moving back and forth between your shoulder.

You leaned your head back against his arm and let out a long breath. You were almost suffocating as the heat of his body melded with that of the tub. You felt pressure on your lips and your eyes snapped open. He was kissing you. His hand drifted from your shoulder and cupped your breast through the thin sports bra. You were certain he could feel your nipple as it hardened.

Your eyelids fluttered and you brought your hand up between you. You pushed on his chest and he ran his tongue across your bottom lip. You pushed harder and finally he parted. He sat back but kept his arm around your shoulders.

“I…” You touched your chest just above the bra, your lip trembled. “I should go.”

You stood and he caught your wrist. He clung to you until you turned back. “You don’t have to. Kylie is gone, we’re all alone.”

“I...I can’t,” You wiggled your arm free of his grasp. 

You turned and pushed your body through the water and dragged yourself along the metal railing. You didn’t look back. Only gathered your clothes and hurried to the door. The water stirred but he did not leave the tub. 

“Goodnight,” Steve called as you opened the door. “See you tomorrow.”

You closed it behind you and nearly slipped on your wet feet. What did he mean? Was it a courtesy? A promise? A threat? You didn’t wait for the answer to come as you raced down the hall.

-

tags to be added in reblog

[fromzerotoeuphoria]

me watching Free!: Take Your Marks!

(reposted from  original blog, Aug 2, 2020)

I can’t believe it’s pretty much been a week since I watched the Timeless Medley films 1 and 2, and now I’m finally watching Film 3: Take Your Marks.

I’m super excited but also a lil anxious because my RinHaru fangirl-heart needs to be FED and I know I will implode out of frustration if I don’t get any quality RinHaru content.

Yes, I know it’s an addiction, but at this point I really don’t care ✌🏾😎

Anyways, I’ll be live-journaling my thoughts while watching this again. Honestly, the only reason I do this is because I actually love going back and re-experiencing my initial reactions. Again, addicted.

Plus I really wish I had better journaled my thoughts while watching Season 1, but who knew I was gonna be snatched by the throat and dragged down deep into the murky depths of this anime. Well, ya live and ya learn.

Disclaimer: this is literally just the random thoughts that came to me while watching the film live, so it’s neither coherent nor is it a proper review; I was too caught up in watching the movie, screeching into my hands every time Rin Matsuoka came on screen, and finally coming to grips within myself to the fact that I actually was in love with this beautiful red-haired sharkboy.

Well, without further ado, let’s get into it.

✧   ✧   ✧   ✧   ✧   ✧   ✧   ✧   ✧   ✧

Free! Take Your Marks

• Episode 1 • 2:23 AM | Rin’s been on screen for like 45 seconds and already he’s making me smile like an idiot UGHHH. Even just a minute in, it seems like flickers if his elementary school-self are shining through in the way he readily agrees to help the Iwatobi gang with their video project. He’s so willing and happy to help, it’s like I’m watching Little Rin  😭😭😭💖

✧

2:32 AM | Aww why does Haru not like Kisumi?? :((( I like him! Even in middle school, Kisumi was so chill and kind and just an overall nice kid. Aww, come on Haru! 🥺

✧

2:44 AM | I’m GAGGING OMG WE ARE SEEING MORE OF RIN’S PERSONALITY (when he’s not all emo) AND IT’S LITERALLY GROWN UP ELEMENTARY SCHOOL RIN AND SHANJSNSJSJS I’M LIVINGGGG

Seriously why the heck is he making me all giddy like this >_A LOT to handle and I’m over here melting at 3 o’clock in the morning. 🥴

(I’m really crushing on Rin Matsuoka WHATTHEHECK)

✧

2:50 AM | Honestly though Makoto is so sweet and I actually love his and Rin’s friendship too, I wish we got to see more of it. I’m so happy for Makoto and his dream, babie you’re gonna do so well as a coach! 🥺💙

✧

2:53 AM | OMG IT JUST HIT ME! I BET I KNOW WHO THE OLD SWIM COACH WHOSE APARTMENT HARU IS TAKING OVER IS!!! Omg it’s totally that guy friend Starting Days, the quiet nice student coach who had the eye surgery. I forget his name but I’m certain it’s him!

   //

SEE WHAT DID I TELL YOU the old tenant is the Haru and Mako’s middle school student teacher swim coach!! XD (still forget his name tho)

✧

• Episode 2 • 3:02 AM | Oh good GRACIOUS, Rin with a ponytail though T_T

BLESS.

✧

3:20 AM | So Ikuya’s older brother from Starting Days is at the same hot spring as the Samezeka gang and now he’s talking to Sousuke (who’s totally growing on me more and more) and eeeek I’m actually really looking forward to interactions! Also…dang he and Sousuke are like…really attractive. Could they be the best looking guys on the show??? 👀

✧

• Episode 3 • 3:32 AM | Am I going to take this moment to point how Rin and Haru are both sitting up front in the car??? WHY YES I WILL TAKE THIS MOMENT TO POINT OUT HOW BOTHRIN AND HARU ARE SITTING UP FRONT IN THE CAR (as opposed to any other pairing just sayin 😌) 

   //

Okay but the way the camera zoomed in on Haru’s face when Rin was leaving and Nagisa told him to make sure he visits them *cue rinharu fangirling*

✧

• Episode 4 • 4:00 AM | This boy I swear. 

Rin is freaking CRYING at a cheesy sad romance movie I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIMMMM.

Also ilowkey think I may love Ikuya too, lil babie 🥺 I hope he’s not a jerk in Season 3 and doesn’t become annoying with the whole Haru-drama, because he’s a lil cinnamon roll and I wanna love & protecc.

✧

4:10 AM | okay sorry but not sorry to be that person but like RIN OMG!! 😍😩 The way he’s totally being such a knightly older brother to Gou—even though he’s under the wrong impression that Gou is dating Momo—is so cute and sweet and wow, I literally love him. I’m over here dying at the way he’s all concerned about Gou and how he accepted the duel with Momo over her and just, UGH THIS ANIME BOY THO

✧

4:19 AM | I’m actually about to VOMIT OMG, this has all gotten hilariously out of hand and now Haru thinks Rin is quitting swimming and he’s having an intense heart to heart with Rin, telling Rin how HE’S the reason Haru was able to move towards the future and UGH THIS RINHARU MOMENT IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING OMG I’M DYING AND RESURRECTINGGG 😭

(gifs by @sapphiresflame​)

   //

Okay literally Haru is shouting out Rin’s name when Rin dove into the water during their relay, and the look of awe on Haru’s face when Rin dove in over his head is EVERYTHINGGG MY RINHARU HEART IS THRIVING Y'ALL

(gifs by @sapphiresflame​)

*cries in RinHaru*

✧

4:31 AM | THE WAY IM JUST AJSNSJSNSSKKBCUEHDH this episode was so sweet and hilarious and IMINLOVEWITHRIN and just wonderful! This was my fav episode out of the film, it was just so sweet and everyone came together to give Rin a going away party. Seeing Samezeka and Iwatobi both having fun together was so touching, and it was Fun who brought them all together. Really goes to show how special Rin is to everyone; Coach Sasube even was looking on at Rin interacting with everyone and had flashbacks of Lil Rin laughing and having fun with other back then. Rin really leaves a mark on everyone he comes across, and I adore him for it. I actually want to be like that to be like Rin in that way. Wow. I love these boys and I love Rin’s friendship with all the people in his life and I LOVE RIN MATSUOKA.

Now time to finally move onto Season 3! I want to so badly do it right now, but it’s really late on a Sunday and it really sucks trying to document my thoughts on the same device that I’m watching the anime :P But I will definitely be starting it soon, no procrastinating like I’ve done with AOT and Haikyuu, PROMISE!

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Witching Hour

Part 2 in the “Halo Boy and Horn Girl” series

summary: Steve struggles adjusting to life without his wings. You share his pain.

word count: 2.3k

pairing: angel!steve x black!demon!reader

warnings: mentions of religion, smut, angel and demon fraternization, angsty

—————

Superstition, fear and jealousy.. drove the Puritans to accuse their friends and relatives of consorting with the Devil- parading around huge bonfires, repeating vindictive chants. They consigned the poor creatures to the flames. The tortured souls cried out in agony as the flames mounted higher and higher!

Burn witch, burn witch, burn!!

This is the witching hour...

———————

I can see the way you look at me, you can't see beyond the veil. I can tell the way you run from me, I’m not your perfect fairy tale

“I know this isn’t your perfect fairytale, Steve,” you commented as he lied beside you, sweating and panting before getting up to get dressed and leave.

He has let a beard grow and his hair was longer. You kind of missed the innocent look of your angel friend but you didn’t complain with this look either.

“I can tell by the way you look at me,” you didn’t want to admit that it hurt. But the more your halo boy came to let out his frustrations, the more you felt for him. Maybe it was your human body giving into nostalgia..?

“Perfect fairytales don’t exist, Y/N,”

“Maybe not down here... But they do behind those pearly gates and it’s my fault you’re not there... but I share your pain,”

“You cause pain, Y/N! You don’t share it,”

You didn’t have much to say before he walked out of your bedroom and out of your house. As much as you wanted to call out or run out for him you stayed in your bed.

Watch me burn. Can you feel me? Watch as I turn. What do you see?

You just wanted him to understand you didn’t ask to be a demon. If anything you wanted to change your ways to be with him but this was what you deserved. The life of a demon came with sorrow and lack of affection, clearly.

“I’m sorry I’m not your perfect fairy tale,” you whispered out into the air, knowing the wind would whisk your words away and send it his way, “Just say the words and I will go back to my river of fire,”

———

And I am, conflicted by your hurt, so let me share your pain. Convicted for my church, I was born in flames. Addicted to my fate, watch as I devour, convicted for my faith. This is the Witching Hour, this is the Witching Hour.

The knock on your door didn’t surprise you. You expected him right on the dot. Every night at 3 o’clock am.

The witching hour.

“Hello, halo boy, would you like some tea?,”

“Is that what they’re calling pussy nowadays?,”

You were used to the vulgar language coming from you but him, you weren’t sure how to feel.

“I actually just want to sit and talk,” you sigh softly and sit on the couch, waiting for him to sit with you but he just looks at you to see if you’re serious, “As much as I would like my pussy to be a punching bag for your cock, talking is in order. You’re an angel, your methods of coping are not like you,”

“You don’t know a damn thing,”

“Maybe not demon me but mortal me knows everything about you,” lately you’ve been letting the mortal subconscious take over just so you could experience Steve and what your relationship was like before all of this. The love your mortal body has for him has butterflies in your stomach.

“Your favorite color is medallion yellow, you like your spaghetti with mussels instead of hamburger, you hate drinking soda, your favorite piece of work out equipment is the rowing machine, you even dragged me to church every Sunday in hopes that I would stop witchcraft and find the way of God,”

Steve’s jaw clenched before he scowled at you and scoffed, “What’s this? a trip down memory lane? Those aren’t our memories, Y/N,”

“But they are!,” you argued, “Our spirits got put back into these body’s for that mission because the council knew how well we worked together in our past life. You should remember,” you were hopeful he’d at least try.

Don't you see the way I look at you? I can see behind your eyes, and can't you tell the way I reach for you? I wear my halo in disguise.

“I wanna be good for you Steve,” you’d break off and saw down your horns when you’re in your demon form just for him.

“Oh really?” He scoff and rolled his shoulders, still feeling the pain of his wings being ripped out. Scar tissue thick and bumpy, “You can’t be good,”

“I’d try for you,”

He turns his back to you and you felt bad. Maybe had your human self just listened, you’d be an angel with him instead of below him as a demon.

I watch you burn, I can feel you. I watch as you turn, What did you do?

“Are we going to the bedroom or not?,”

“I don’t think you continuing to sleep with me is doing well for you in God’s book,” it pained you to say it, you’d love that contact with him but maybe, just maybe, temptation was a sin for a reason.

“Y/N you’re a literal demon. You thrive off strife and sin and you, a demon, is sitting here lecturing me, an angel, on how to be good?!,”

You sulked as he raised his voice. You just wanted him to be happy, and that was with his wings.

“I want you to be happy,” you croak, “You’re happy with your wings and as much as I’d like to give in... I can’t because it’s my fault we’re on opposite ends of the spectrum anyway,”

Steve’s shoulders sagged for a reason unbeknownst to him. The look of sadness on your face saddened him. It seemed all too familiar and it made his chest ache.

————

“I don’t want you to go to hell over this, Y/N,”

“This is my lineage, Steve! It’s been in my family for generations upon generation, I can’t just stop,”

“The Devil is in the details. He has his horns hooked in you and you can’t even feel it,”

You loved Steve with all your heart- but the way he talking about the craft of your ancestors hurt more than anything. Maybe he was right, but you were always taught this from the time you were born up until you were the last to pass it on to your children.

Your face had fallen sullen and Steve took a breather to notice how much this upset you.

“Listen baby, I’m sorry- I just worry,”

You sit and sigh shaking your head, not knowing what to do.

“No I get it,”

Except you really didn’t, not until it was too late anyway.

————

“So what?,”

“I can take your pain, mental anguish and guilt and take it as a part of me. To share it- so it’s not overwhelming you. This all is mostly my fault anyway,”

Steve sat beside you and weighed his options. Would he let you do that just because he was too weak to ignore sin?

Conflicted by your hurt, so let me share your pain. Convicted for my church, I was born in flames.

“I was sentenced to hell for the craft of my ancestors. I was already predestined to hell before I was even born because I was marked be in the lineage,” you play with the handle on your mug before setting it down and taking his hand in yours to lead him to your room.

Addicted to my fate, watch as I devour. Convicted for my faith. This is the Witching Hour. This is the Witching Hour

“There’s no need for hesitation. I thrive off strife and sin, remember?” You set him down and strip down naked, feeling bashful at the way his eyes bugged out at you like it was his first time seeing you, “So watch as I devour your pain. It’s the witching hour- the time I’m at my strongest,”

You straddles his waist and pushed him back, telling him to relax his jaw, leaving it a little slack.

“Just trust me for once,” you grabbed his chin in your hand and placed your lips over his, just barely touching. You closed your eyes, focusing on rooting yourself into him just to do this one thing.

You must burn for what you have done, you must burn for what you have done, you must burn for what you've become. You must burn

Maybe this could be a part of your redemption? Doing good, being selfless and taking care of your opposite. Taking care of one of the greatest goods in life.

Your body trembles as you suck the grey mist of melancholy out of his into your own. Your eyes burned with tears. You continue to hold his chin tight as you whimpered, feeling his pain and frustrations into you. It was different than any other that you’ve experienced, it shook you to your core but maybe it was because it was someone you/past you knew and loved with your entire being.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to claw your chest open and let it out. It hurt so bad. He felt betrayal, anger, vengeance, depression and anxiety and while you could take it, this time you couldn’t.

When the last of the fog enters your body, you let out a cry and fall back onto the floor. Sobbing and hating yourself for doing so.

Your soul felt darker than ever and again, you’re a demon for crying out loud.

“Y/N!,” Steve is by your side in a flash, going against his own words that he didn’t feel anything for you.

“I’m so sorry,” you touched his cheek and sniffled, “I’m so sorry for letting you down,”

“Shh shh, baby don’t cry,” he held you and rocked your body, seeing how your veins turned black with his darkness, “I’m right here, I’m here,”

“It hurts,” you face scrunches up and you shake in his embrace

“That’s why didn’t want you to do it...why’d you do it?,”

“Did it for you,” swallowing thickly, more tears falling, “Wanted to show you I c-couldn’t do more than cause p-pain... that I could be good,”

—————

You woke up in Steve’s arms with the sun shining in your eyes. Your veins returned to normal and your body no longer aches. The warmth of the sun on your face felt nice, the birds chirping made you smirk, the rustling of the leaves made you feel content.

Until you got hit by a wall of déjà vu and your blood ran cold that this is how you woke up every day. In Steve’s arms, smiling at the birds, the sun in your eyes. You loved it until you realized Steve didn’t want this, he didn’t believe in this anymore.

“I was worried about you,” his voice startled you, “You whimpered in your sleep all night,”

“I didn’t expect you to stay,” you sit up quickly but he pulled you back into his arms.

“I wasn’t leaving you like that,” he whispered against your neck, your body still bare against his clothes skin.

“You can leave now if you’d like,” you were scared to turn and look at him.

“I’m sorry for not listening,” he rolled you on your back and you swallowed the lump in your throat, “You just haunt my every thought, my every good judgment, my every moment. I was scared to admit that I needed you,”

His lips pressed against your cheek and he hummed as he took in your calming scent, “I didn’t want to admit that I let my humanity take over and I can sit for hours watching our memories like movies. Why do I still love you?,”

“Why do I still love you?,” you retort. Finally you look at him and he can’t take the way your eyes glistened back at him. He didn’t care about the consequences, he kissed you passionately and you wanted to fight it but you needed it.

The smacking of your lips filled the room and you wrap your arms around his neck. You didn’t even need foreplay, you were soaking already, knowing he lurked in your dreams.

Your thighs fell open for him and he reacted quickly by pulling his pants down and jerking himself a few times before aligning himself with you and pushing in. He felt so deliciously heavy in you, he caused your breath to hitch as he began moving.

“I shared your pain of remembering, that’s why I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want it to be true but you can not fight fate.”

Your eyes clenched as you bit your lip, holding the back of your thighs so he could get deeper as he picked up his pace.

“I love you, Stevie,”

He whined at the nickname, he did every time you let it slip.

His forehead fell against yours, lips meeting yours again in an urgent motion. He held your head in his hands as he pounded down into you. This wasn’t like every other time, angry and resentful, no. It was polished and precise. Loving and fulfilling.

“You feel so good, baby,” he huffed, a small smile appearing in his lips, “will never get sick of this,”

“Yes yes yes!,” you wanted to hide your face as you screamed out but he wouldn’t let you, he made you look him in the eyes as he came with you and in you.

“I’m so sorry,” he sighed, resting his body lightly on yours. Kissing every inch of hot skin he can, “Horns or halo I love you,”

“I’d make my horns into a halo for you if I could,” you whispered, you go way back and make things right the first time.

“Stay as you are. My horn girl,”

“My halo boy,”

———————-

I’m never really good at endings but here’s part two to the new Steve series!!

comments and reblogs are always appreciated!!

Tags- @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @valkyriesnymph @valentinevirgo @veryhellshdia @vozit @here-for-your-bullshit @crawlingnightmares @retroxvailles @yournonlocalpoc @dumbchick @warmchick @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @spideys-wife @alyssaj23 @hisxblackxqueen @chonisberonica @persephones24 @kamahriii

[hanalwayssolo]

This Sunday Currently, vol. 15

First TSC of 2020, who would’ve thunk.

Reading

Right now, I’m reading Raphael Bob-Waksberg’s Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory. So far, this is my fourth book for the month and ninth overall for the year, which is to say I am thriving quite nicely in the reading department. I have to say, I’ve never had such a good reading streak in a long time because all of these books I’ve spent reading these last couple of months have left such a strong impression on me, and without giving away too much, here are some reasons why I loved all of them:

1. N.K. Jemisin’s The Broken Earth trilogy — Absolutely well-written, impressive worldbuilding and character development. The attention to detail that Jemisin gave in creating this world of the Stillness and the elements of orogeny is so, so good. Also, I really appreciate the way she established the relationships of her female characters that even though they had their differences and an almost cutthroat dynamic (like with Essun and Ykka, or with Essun and Tonkee), there is still that sense of solidarity present between these women, that they didn’t really seek out to upstage the other despite them being exceptionally skilled in their fields of expertise, but instead they worked together and acknowledged each other’s strengths, which I very much dig a lot. 

2. Gail Honeyman’s Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine — The story follows Eleanor Oliphant, an eccentric, friendless 29-year-old working in a boring day job who meets this kind-hearted IT guy named Raymond. At first, I thought it was another romance novel but I just loved how it has completely thrown me off because it mainly revolves around Eleanor’s growth and her friendship with Raymond, and how this eventually helps her to open up to other people—which is, like, this is the kind of story that is so hard to come across because it focuses on platonic relationships and how that is so important, too. And like? That’s my fucking jam?

3. Jenny Slate’s Little Weirds — Jenny Slate captures the entire experience of loneliness and heartbreak and love in her own whimsical way and crafts this beautifully written collection of stories and essays that I was emotionally wrecked after reading all of it.

4. André Aciman’s Find Me — My god. Aciman chronicles love and longing with such visceral and detailed prowess. Reading the stories of Sami, Elio, and Oliver in this sequel fucking murdered me. And that’s putting it mildly.

5. Mary Oliver’s Thirst — This is the kind of poetry collection that after reading it, I felt compelled to move to the countryside and live in the forest. 

Also, my favourite has got to be The Uses of Sorrow, in which Mary says: “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness / It took me years to understand that this, too was a gift.” 

6. Sally Rooney’s Normal People — There is a certain kind of sadness that follows the story of Connell and Marianne, and one thing I really liked about this is how Rooney managed to capture the complexities of on and off relationships with such forensic attentiveness. And it’s so nice to read the story alternating in Connell’s and Marianne’s POVs, too, so one gets to understand what goes on in their heads.

Writing

Because I’ve been busily reading and watching films these days and MMA training most weeknights after work, I haven’t been writing much, except maybe for adding little notes and dialogues and carving the structure for A Burden We Share. Honestly, I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to write it considering how I’ve ultimately decided not to continue updating Laws of Motion. And I’m not even in the least sorry about it. I’m struggling in a very weird writing limbo (despite managing to put this out lmao) and maybe because the interest has petered out, or the fact that I’m an exhausted reader/spectator of my own stuff, or I am an exhausted mother of many different OCs and they all demand 1000000% of my care and devotion like the needy children that they are and they want me to talk about them all the fucking time, which I find so difficult to do at times despite the kind and generous asks, because talking about them makes me feel so selfish and self-absorbed sometimes like I’m imposing a lot like no one really likes to hear about them so shut up self, don’t you have anything better to talk about sis? and maybe this is my anxiety screaming and also demanding my attention, so idk. So maybe it’s all three, I guess.

Anyway. Basically, I’m sort of gliding through this break (is it still a break when you’re not planning to write at all?) or whatever this is called because for now, I have no plans on posting anything new anytime soon. 

Watching

I watched Jojo Rabbit and Parasite last month but then watched it again yesterday because a friend gave me a copy. Parasite easily became one of my favourite movies ever because it’s such a fucking masterpiece and it left me thinking about a lot of things after watching it. 

Also, rewatching some of my favourite sad, tearjerker movies is what I’ve been doing these days, like Beautiful Boy, The Lovely Bones, and Lion, all of which never fails to make me cry like a baby.

Listening

A lot of new music, thank fuck! My constant work companions these days are Halsey’s Manic, Mura Masa’s R.Y.C., Bombay Bicycle Club’s Everything Else Has Gone Wrong, Hayley William’s Petals for Armor EP. And, well, I still listen to Hozier from time to time. As a treat.

Smelling

Monday dread, as always. 

Feeling

Equal parts excited and nervous, forcing myself to let this positive feeling tide over the frustration of my writing dilemma. I’m leaving for a camping trip in two weeks, and then off to Sydney and Auckland in April, and while I’m looking forward to getting out of the city, the entire planning part is what drives me nuts. And with everyone still on alert because of N-COV, our airports are a mess and thinking about the stress of it all makes me so anxious I just want to stay at home instead.

Hoping/Wishing/Needing/Wanting

I love writing, I seriously do, so I want my writing motivation back. I’ve been giving it to myself on my own, and I think I might have misplaced it somewhere. 

The Sunday Currently was originally from SiddaThornton.

[ofrapture]

Final Update.

So as of yesterday I cut all ties completely with my sons Father. I'm not one of these women who stop the other parent from seeing their child however. Do you all remember in my previous updates how the girl worked with my Auntie. Well my Auntie is her boss. On wednesday morning his new girlfriend e-mailed my Auntie telling her that she and him had been planning to be together for over a month!! He'd told her that he and I had sperated and I had allowed him to live with me until he found a new place. Not true. This girl then went on to tell my Auntie that he needed time to tell me. My Auntie gave them 2 days to tell me or she would. Well anyway I woke up to a fb message from him saying he and her were together it only just happened, they'd met on the sunday and all these spout of lies began to untangle. NOW he sent that to me at 11.55pm on friday night. I didn't see the message until 6.30am but guess what the girl emailed my Auntie at 6am. Her words were. "Hi Dawn, Shae has told Marie and she's okay with it. She's even said that Shae & I can have Elias on weekends. I hope this doesn't effect our friendship." Oooo I'm livid by that reply because not only had I not seen or responded to finding out at that point, but over my fucking dead body would I allow him to have my son over weekends especially over hers!! She basically thinks that her & him can play happy families on weekends with my son. 1. I know nothing about her 2. The circumstance of how he left & 3. Shae has zero patience when it comes to Elias. He will shout at him if he's having a grizzly day or he will put the baby in another room ( with someone else ) and let him cry it out. I went mental when I found out about this because it was always when I was food shopping. Now I am a patient person so when my so cries I soothe him, when he's adgitated I find a way to help him calm down. I'm a good mum so I came to the harddest decision last night. I cut his father from all social media. The only way he will have access to finding out his child is via text or phone. I will not be keeping him updated due to the fact that for an entire week he has asked his son how he is twice and had facetimed him 3 times. Now I had to fight for him to call his son and he made out like he was so hard done by and that he had been busy. He moved in with the girl on the THURSDAY NIGHT the night he left to tell me he was at his friends. Yesterday during everything I asked him when he was going to decide it was okay to ask how his son is? and i was met with zero response. He has seen it. And still his new girlfriend has taken number 1 priority in his life. So as of now. He will not be seeing his son unless it's supervised by either myself, my mother or my cousin. Reason being of her email. I can't trust him not to take Elias and go against my words and introduce him to her. So I made a difficult decision one that I hope won't confuse my son anymore than he already is. I have a fantastic support system and my Auntie as professional as she is responded with "You and Shae I suggest stay away from me. If I see you even look at me I will not be held responsible for what I might do to you. Marie is my blood you two are nothing but filthy scum." My Auntie is very very very popular in their workplace and now that everyone knows about what they have done. They will be social pariahs. I hope none of you will ever experience something as cruel as this situation but if you ever do. Remember I have the best gift out of all of it. My son. Who by the way is thriving and happy and has finally stopped looking for his dad. So thank you all for sticking with me through this. For being my extended family and helping me fight those circling demons in my head. It will take me a some time to get over the situation but I will get there eventually. You are all amazing individuals and due to this I have made some friends beyond the rp relm who will forever be a friend to me so Thank you!!