#anyways here’s to the last day of this event

[beesandwasps]

When I got to be a senior at St. Leon’s College, I was given my very own studio. It was a tiny room in a creaky old wooden shedlike building. Here I was to work on my senior project, a series of woodblock prints. I found, left behind by previous inhabitants, a dangerous electric percolator and a squawky old radio. I loved having a studio of my own, and spent most of my time there. I’d arrive at ten or eleven at night and stay till dawn, chiseling away at my woodblocks, swilling black coffee, and listening to the all-night hillbilly station. At sunrise I’d stroll to my room, where I would sleep until lunchtime. I had signed up only for classes that met in the afternoon, and I had time in the evening to socialize and study before retiring to my little workshop. The rest of the college would be sleeping when I was at work, and I had no distractions. I was getting a lot accomplished. It was an ideal routing, and I was happy. It was during this period that the President of the United States was assassinated. Today, documentaries and news retrospectives emphasize the shock and grief felt by the nation — but I also remember the fear and confusion that closely followed the event. At first it was unclear whether or not the assassination was part of a coup or insurrection. News reports were vague and fragmentary. There was speculation as to whether our country’s enemies might not take advantage of the confusion of the moment and attack us. I hovered near the radio and learned of the capture of Oswald and later of his murder before the news cameras. Lyndon Johnson had been sworn in as President. Harry S. Truman flew to Washington, and from the airport, broadcast a statement assuring the country that the orderly succession of government was intact. It was two or three days before the feeling of panic and uncertainty died down. And the whole time, I was listening — while carving away at woodblocks, because there was nothing else to do. I was realizing that events can become ugly with a terrifying suddenness — and that I, personally, had nothing to contribute in times like these. There were advisors in Southeast Asia. There was a wall in Berlin. We had nearly had a nuclear war over missiles in Cuba. People were being fire-hosed and police-dogged in the South. Now someone had knocked off the First Citizen of the Republican — and I was learning to do what? I was learning to make things for rich people to decorate their apartments with. I felt useless and stupid. As the assassination hysteria subsided, I continued to come to the studio, but it seemed to me an empty exercise. Worse, a mockery. In times like these, the last thing needed was a little more art. Then, one 2:00 A.M., a fellow student dropped in to see me. Jerry Schwartz was his name. I knew him by sight, but had never spoken with him. He had something to tell me. It seemed Schwartz had gone through a period of living the life of a swine. He had been in the habit of coming home drunk at approximately the same time every morning. And every morning, he’d see the light in my studio, and through the window, me, doing… he didn’t know what, but there I was doing it. He felt that here was at least one person doing something probably constructive — anyway, functioning. It somehow meant to him that there was hope for him too. In the parlance of Alcoholics Anonymous, the image of the light in my studio window had become his higher power, had kept him from despairing, motivated him to try to straighten out — and, as he told it, may have prevented his taking his own life. I thought he was probably exaggerating, but I couldn’t take the chance. Now I had to show up every night, and work on my woodcuts in order not to let down this formerly miserable Schwartz. I didn’t see Schwartz again, but I finished out the year and got my degree. And gradually I became convinced that the best way I could address the big evils of the big world would be to keep chipping away and something comparatively small.

— Daniel M. Pinkwater (from Chicago Days, Hoboken Nights)

[mev-fizzah-writes]

ᑎᑌᗰᗷ 𓌉◯𓇋

A/N: First fic on this acc!! Enjoy this little angsty fic :) Neglected bat!reader breaks their sobriety after their family makes a grave mistake. Sure Reader should be used to it by now, but offering them a drink? At a Gala they forced you to attend? On your birthday? What a load of bull. You pray that Damian doesn't find out...but sadly they don't get accepted. No beta reader, we die like Jason Todd TW: Substance abuse, alcoholism, brief mention of underage drinking, self harm etc .

𐙚"Don't let them see you like this" -Alex G 𐙚

ᑎᑌᗰᗷ

That's what it felt like, not a single though in your mind. It was consumed by the taste on your lips, the bottle in your hand. Limp, you sat in your bathtub, surrounded by broken glass and empty beer cans. The loud city of Gotham seemed to finally be silence, it seemed distant. It was the only thing keeping you from fully drifting away, the faint sound of cars, the only time you thanked this godforsaken city for being loud.

Guilt hadn't reached your mind yet, you only wanted to drink. Focusing on how the burn in your throat made you feel, oh how it made you feel so alive. Each breath felt sharp against your throat, it made you want more. The alcohol coursed through your veins, providing an escape, providing a warmth no person ever gave to you.

Leaning more into the cold porcelain you stared at the shattered glass by your feet. You could feel its sharp edges against your feet, it was a constant reminder of your mistakes.

Unfixable, the glass and your life. But right now that didn't matter, only the bottle existed, the burn and the urge to finish it. You managed the strength to pull your arm up, tilting your head back to feel it. The taste you missed so much, a taste you wanted to forget had no idea why you would neglect. What a day to celebrate your twenty second birthday! Relapsing after two years wasn't your plan today but it sure was better than anything else that happened today.

The night, displayed by your bathroom window, taunted you. It made your mind float through an intoxicated haze. Pieces of the day coming back to you, as well as the -now broken- promises you made. A sigh left your lungs and it was evident that she had drank, so much. All of this, just because of one question. A question that shouldn't have broken your heart as much as it did, really it was pathetic.

"Why aren't you drinking tonight?"

The sound of your 'brothers' voice was distant, and so was the guilt that was soon to consume you. But as the line between fiction and reality blurred more with another sip, there was not a worry in your head. The guilt will come later, but here it was no where to be seen. The only thing you could grasp was the bottle you used to keep on the highest shelf.

A shelf that was now empty, thanks to your so-called family's echoes. Echoes that were forever etched into your brain. Not only had they forgotten about your birthday, forcing you into a social event that you already dreaded, but they had also forgotten about your sobriety. Was not drinking on your twenty-first not an obvious sign? The question had filled you with anger at first. Your fists were clenched to your side when Dick had asked that. Hopefully you would forget this day ever happended.

"Why aren't you drinking tonight?" Dick said with slurred speech, making your family turn their heads to you. At first you took it as a joke, that he was trying to make you less tense. When your chuckle left all of them confused that's why you could feel your heart shattered. It felt like time had stopped, like god was playing a joke on you. You just stared at them, not giving him an answer. "You're kidding." There was no point in hiding the sadness in your voice, there was no way anyone was going to care anyway. After a strangled 'yes' left his lips you decided there was no point in talking them. You took one last glance back at your dad Bruce, he looked like he was going to offer you a drink, that was the last straw, so you decided there was no point in staying. Sadly, you did. Just enough to take a sip of champagne, just enough to set you back. God did you wish Damian was with you, he would've remembered.

Remember. That's the only thing you wanted to do. Today was supposed to be simple, go with Damian to a petting zoo, visit you favourite café with a few friends and be done with your day.

Damian...would he have stopped you from doing this? He was too young to attend whatever you were at this morning and sadly he wanted to meet up with his friend. You weren't going to stop him, he was the only one that listened to you and vise versa.

It made you chuckle, every time you told him about how much you used to drink, and every time he would give a small lecture on how much it impacts your liver and brain. Being a doctor would really suit him.

Just as you close your eyes you see a small light peeking outside the door. Light footsteps followed soon after, and suddenly everything is crashing down. You shake your head, hoping, praying that it isn't Damian. You'd rather it be a murderer coming to finally end you then your little brother. No, he had so much faith in you, please. Sadly, if you speak of the devil, he appears.

The light spilling in from the living room stung your eyes, luckily they were already tearing up.

"Sorry I didn't knock, but can you pick up the phone-"

You saw it, the way his eyes widen an he drops your phone. The way the his green eyes suddenly become more reflective, is hands twitched and he took a step back. Your baby brother, staring at you with such a distaste and confusion and...there was nothing you can do. There was no way you could've gotten up to hug hum, even reassuring him seemed impossible in your state. Glass etched into your foot, a pool of blood by feet as your eyes fluttered.

"Wha...y-you promised!" His voice wobbled with an anger that you understood all too well. The way his eyes switched between shock and sadness and the way he seemed to be frozen on the spot. It was like looking into a mirror ten years ago. He stared at you the same way you stared at your mother, it was driving you crazy with guilt.

"Dami..." you croaked out, feeling nothing but selfish.

"No. Keep your eyes open I-I'll call an ambulance. I...I" watching him stutter didn't do anything good for your heart, you just wanted to hold him and tell him that this was just some sick prank.

"I'm sorry...just don't tell Dad." The way you uttered those words seemed to catch him off goard.

"This...feels like a matter that should be reported to hi-"

"Dami. Just don't...please." To be honest, you were baffled he was even understanding you. It didn't even feel like english you were speaking. "I love you, buddy..."

If those were your last words, you were glad. Soon the coldness of the porcelain was no longer there, and there was only a faint ringing you could here. Maybe you were dying? It was a lot less scary then what you thought it would be, it was just...numb. No taste of alcohol, no warmth, no burn. Only numbness.

Just numb.

Numb.

๋࣭ ⭑Laying there lifeless...๋࣭ ⭑

[thewertsearch]

@necrowyrm asked: happy new year!!! enjoy the last little bit of homestuck before act 6! Anonymous asked: You have NO IDEA how much I was looking forward to your reaction to this flash :D @teddy-bearer-of-bad-news asked: a very late congratulations from me for making it this far! i gotta say, saving CASCADE for new year's is probably the smartest thing i've heard all week. may your experience be nothing short of righteous, comrade Anonymous asked: Cascade … Even years latter knowing it almost by heart, every once in a while I will take a little quarter of an hour to rewatch it, Say what you want about Hussie but there is a good reason Homestuck became so iconic. @adeptarcanist asked: The leadup to Cascade was honestly my favorite sequence in Homestuck, and maybe one of my favorites in any media ever? The way the narrative splits apart into all of the different scenes swirling in towards the critical moment, both advancing main plots and finding time to spend a moment of melancholy with characters who’d been left behind (The Jaspers and Nepeta scene :( )… it’s such a strong narrative device, and the tone it generates is impeccable. @calamitascalliope asked: I literally watched the flash again, and it still gives me chills every single time. Welcome to your post-Cascade life. You won't be able to think about anything the same ever again @iris-in-the-dark-world asked: "she looks so cool… but she’s so tragic… but she looks so cool…" has become a brainworm for me. i too love the handmaid's design btw, cascade time has been i think the most anticipated non-personal event of the entire year for me. i'm so excited @publicuniversalworstie asked: I want you to know that I also opened Cascade and started watching with you right after I saw your "oh my god it has chapters" ask, and I finished just as you posted "I will never be the same" !! And I bet lots of other people did too <3 so it's like we all watched it together!!!! Happy New Year and thank you for liveblogging!!!! It's been a pleasure！(and will continue to be) @krixwell asked: I would like you to know that your "Right, we're good to go!" and "oh my god it has chapters" posts were posted right as I was outside watching midnight fireworks ring in 2025 for the Central European timezone. Happy new year! @captorations asked:

hey remember when rose just up and fucking said that. anyway congrats on reaching cascade! it absolutely wrecked me back in the day, i think i stared at those flaming curtains for a solid ten minutes as my brain permanently reconfigured. the first few notes of the track alone still give shivers. getting your reaction to cascade was a wonderful birthday present. (speaking of getting older: aradia 🤝 dulcinea also got that "distressingly short lifespan only to die early anyway" story thread going on. the parallels are paralleling.) anyway happy new year and congrats you are… slightly less than halfway done with homestuck. have fun!

Hey, guys. Cascade was so fucking good.

Like, there's really no competition; this is the best Flash page in the comic thus far. Peak music, peak animation, and absolutely a peak narrative. It tied up mountains of plot threads, providing complete answer to questions we're been asking for literally thousands of pages. It completed over a dozen arcs, both big and small. It made me gasp three times in fourteen minutes. It let Jade become a furry.

11/10, and I'm glad people had as much fun here as I did on New Year's Eve. Happy 2025, and happy Act 6!

@morganwick asked: Sally, predicting Cascade: "I have approximate knowledge of many things." @morganwick asked: "You literally have the whole world in the palm of your hands." -Sally to Jadesprite, December 16, 2024 (You might also want to reread post/770701212350857216 in light of recent developments.)

Hah!

I mean, based on her powerset, it made sense that Jadesprite would do something like this eventually, but it's pretty funny that she did it more or less immediately.

And in the end, CD really was a tricky little bastard. We'll definitely need to keep a closer eye on him, next time around.

Anonymous asked: Take a moment to consider that if anyone were to use the Homestuck website as it stands now instead of the Collection program, Cascade would have been presented in the YouTube player in Standard Definition, artifacted to hell, with a clear boundary showing the dimensions of the video from the very start. Preservation is so important.

Jeez, you're not kidding. The 1080p is fine, I guess, but it certainly doesn't hit like the Flash version does, especially with its lack of moving panels.

I know something had to change when Flash kicked the bucket, but surely there was a better way to preserve the video's soul.

Anonymous asked: to give you some of an idea of what homestuck fandom looked like during this time period, im cribbing from a very popular homestuck post: “first, this upd8 was something that we had been waiting for for WEEKS. A literally unprecedented wait period at the time. We were used to suckling at the teat of daily updates, a constant stream of conversation and plot twists and buildup, and as EOA5, we were finally going to figure out what all these countdowns and plot threads and disconnected elements were building up for. And when the progress bar reached 100%, and when the page FINALLY loaded on 10/25/11, it was chaos. This was 2011, a primetime peak point and growth period of Homestuck fan density.” (…) “MSPA crashed, as it had started to during the last few big [S] updates. Hussie had already bought new servers in advance, but even when allegedly thousands of dollars were spent it couldn't handle the accidental DDOS attack of Homestuck fans. People were up all night waiting for this upd8, the curiosity was killing me. I know at some point he was receiving at least 1 million unique visitors per day to his site [correction: according to Hussie’s tumblr, upwards of 2 million during this time], and even though Hussie had foreseen such traffic and thusly hosted [S] Cascade on Newgrounds, a dedicated video streaming site, Newgrounds was similarly unprepared for the sheer amount of people frantically mashing the play and refresh buttons, and also crashed. Immediately. MSPA and Newgrounds crashed definitively for at least two nights in a row” (…) “Andrew Hussie has gone on record to say this was one of the few times he thought Homestuck wasn’t worth it, because the sheer unbelievable cost (was it $10,000?) [correction: according to Hussie’s tumblr, it looked like it was going to cost $100,000 to keep [S] Cascade up for several days] of servers and the chaos of no one able to see the upd8 and crashing nearly every site after. He was tweeting during the whole debacle, stating he was reluctant to put it up on Youtube because of all the moving elements of the flash, and style, and how youtube degraded the quality of the file size, and how he tried to scratch out buffer time and pauses by putting periods of silence between each section of the 14 minute upd8, the longest upd8 yet” “So after Newgrounds patooted, he didn’t put it on youtube and instead put up the entire flash file on Megaupload, where it could be downloaded in it’s entirety to be watched. UNFORTUNATELY, Megaupload also crashed very quickly, which Hussie felt much headache over. But before that happened I managed to get the file, since I happened to be up very early that night! Next it was on dropbox, which didn’t crash but had “link unavailable” on and off. ”Spoilers were flying everywhere, people didn’t understand everything that had happened, and by the time the timeline of events in and out of [S] Cascade was all straightened out, people became even MORE hype. Like this whole thing lasted at least four days, and on top of that, the upd8 was good. Fandom exploded.” it is impossible to quantify the experience. The fact hussie was going to have to fork over A HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to host it is crazy. I am never going to be over it.

Cascade's complete obliteration of the Flash-hosting internet says a lot about huge Homestuck truly was - but I think an even bigger indicator of the comic's success is the fact that Hussie dropped literally thousands of dollars on server upgrades to host the thing. That's not an investment you make unless you're expecting some serious returns.

[starberry-cupcake]

GUESS WHO'S BACK??? Happy new year you bone-loving weirdos (affectionately)!!! Let's start 2025 with Nona!!!

previously, in this react series:

we (I mean me, but also you, alongside me) finished harrowcita del 9

we read some short stories

I made a gideon craft as a gift and the person I made it for told me that the recap I wrote in the back made it to some discord server somewhere

my legacy is being unfunny

NOW LET'S START WITH NONA:

(that's how I called 2 of my great-grandmothers)

I decided to skip all the praise for the book because some of them were getting a little too involved with the story and I don't want to know anything, thank you very much

I did however read the blurb in the inside cover that I missed the last time

I wonder if at some point I could make like an audio version of a recap as I read, because my reaction when I read the following was Something, but then again you'd have to deal with my pronunciation of the names and idk if I want that

anyway, blurb says "with Pyrrha, Camilla and Palamedes"

???????????????????????????????????????????

I thought it was judith and coronabeer twin??????

I'm gonna change her name from regina george twin to coronabeer twin now because she outlived her other nickname

she's the only nickname graduate so far

who took palmolive out of the tamagotchi river loft???????

who set him loose????

how is phyrrha there, she was with gideon/harrow/gideonharrow fusion??????

"each night, Nona dreams of a woman with a skull painted face"

don't we all

the list of books says "Nona the Ninth" and so does the title in the paratext

instead of dramatis personae we have a guest list for a party

there are a lot of dogs invited to the party, which is nice

one of them has six legs

there's also people with BOE names

and one kevin, love to see it, I'll remember him

lots of meme potential there

there are some camilla annotations beside all the people from BOE allegedly nona wants to invite

still not seeing coronabeer and/or judith

gonna imagine that, wherever they are, they're making out

good for them

we got two poems after, the latter of which is a bit heart wrenching, I don't wanna ask about it

then we got a title that looks like a bible verse

had to google it and it is a verse about peter and a disciple finding jesus's tomb empty

ice cube barbie is locked tomb jesus confirmed

I've never mentioned this before but this has happened to me ever since book 1, and since it's here again I'm gonna say it

I have noticed I have a bad knee jerk reaction to the adjective 'fat' being used so often for so many things, but I'm trying to work thought it

don't wanna project my trauma onto unintended narrators

we got a summarized recount of events of what might be how emperor asshat and some of his lyctors got where they got from maybe present times???

there's talk about cryogenics for a lot of people and an evacuation plan from earth

and names are erased but we have some initials that could be augustine, mercygirl, cassiopeia and gideon

I don't think c is not!dulcinea because she was meant to be a newer model lyctor

during this recount he's in the beach alongside harrow, who he says he's gonna hurt

harrow apparently says she still loves him

gideon would be kicking him in the nuts

also, I thought the emperor was with yandere twin

what the hell happened between the two books???? where's everyone????

DAY ONE (hot sauce and 5 days until the tomb opens) CH 1

we've got a recorded statement of what feels to me like the Pool Situation Wink Wonk You Know The One

is she harrow??? or is harrow in the river with the emperor and this is a new person???? who is this????? is harrow's soul in the river???? where is gideon's perfectly preserved body that we knew camilla was carrying around with coronabeer and judith???

I don't know anything

but my wife is here, so it's all good

also, she's apparently sharing a body with palmolive now

so now the wife ideal turned into a polycule situation, I guess

didn't have that in my 2025 cards

I have two hands, apparently, idk

turns out, palmolive was somehow freed from his tamagotchi loft in the river and placed in camilla's body so they share it

how? by who? when?

glad you asked, I don't know

they're sharing space now, that's all I know

it's kind of like the lyctors should have been if the emperor wasn't an asshole, I guess

because it seems they can also switch easily and like coexist without totally cutting the other one out

it feels a lot healthier and organic in their relationship, even though palmolive is a soul guest

palmolive says camilla's body is a temple, so I'm glad we agree

pyrrha is also there, I assume taking over og!gideon's body fully, since he died, afaik

they're taking care of nona, who doesn't know who she is and they don't seem to know either, but if she has harrow's memories, I don't know what to tell you

they're living in a complicated militarized situation with few resources and little light use

palmolive thinks he could write explicit materials for a living but camilla doesn't want them to be remembered for that

palmolive wrote a lot of Things to his bae in correspondence, so maybe that's already part of his legacy

nona is sent to her room while palmolive and pyrrha argue about BOE acting weird

camolive want to rescue people, pyrrha thinks it's a bad idea and wants to get nona away from the planet

pyrrha also mentions a "she" that's crazier than camilla and makes references to commander wake me up when september ends but that one died???? twice????? so idk who this new "she" is

let's remember, for the record, that both og!gideon and pyrrha were Intimate with commander wake me up before we go go

apparently there are more people who are planet refugees in this one planet than two houses combined

which doesn't surprise me in the least, because that's how oppression often works, but is good to have it confirmed

heralds are also still a problem and camilla wants to fight them

pyrrha thinks that's a bad idea, because there's data of that not being possible

but she doesn't know that camilla hect is perfect and can do everything right always

it is important for me to clarify that, more than anyone ever in this book series, nona is the true definition of what in my land we refer to as: "está en un cumple"

the literal definition of the phrase means "she's in a birthday party"

the idiom definition is that someone is totally unaware of what is going on, without understanding what's around them, often used for people in a content state while unaware of a problem everyone else is worrying about

I truly think it's a very good way to describe her and I can't translate it in a way that feels the exact way, especially due to the party context

I headcanon her wearing this shirt

she also wants to save the animals, while camolive want to save the people

pyrrha is just tired and wants to retire to a farming planet to live in peace

I get it, though, imagine having to serve emperor asshat for so long

poor cavalier deserves some rest, og!gideon had the right idea when he exited the entire situation

saw an out with that fight in the river and left the chat

pyrrha is also worried about BOE capturing and torturing camolive for interrogation

and there seems to be an underlying plan between camolive and pyrrha that I'm not entirely sure of yet

nona, apparently, goes to school, because she's in a cumple, as previously established

going to school on top of the eye in the sky and the military issues and the social strife and the potential torturing doesn't sound ideal but very glad there's still an education system in place among all that

AND THAT'S IT FOR NOW!!! It's proving a bit complicated to do recaps with a paperback but I'm gonna try to find my footing!! See you on the next one!!

[dunmeshistash]

...how long does mana sickness last? for marcille it seemed like a game-ender for her, she seemingly couldn't recover in a week's time without drinking the undine, but mithrun just straight up is better in like. A day? An hour?(at thistles house) is he just built different? Maybe more offensive magic like marcille's explosions make it harder for you to recover?

In that case it wasn't mana sickness it was loss of magic power

"Couldn't recover in a week's time" she probably could! But they were rushing to save Falin, and they had to survive in the dungeon while she recovered, they already had a party that was too small and were getting deeper into more dangerous parts of the dungeon, they wouldn't have been able to keep going with Marcille not being able to fight that's why Laios wants her to go back

This is the timeline of events of this part, drained of magic on 3/22 and having to fight the dragon on 3/24 barely a day to rest, she would be in a weakened state in a deep dungeon floor and would have to fight the dragon (here's the timeline I'll be using if you want to check)

She even gets drained again after fighting Thistle, they fight thistle on 3/25 and by 3/28 when they find the Dryads she's still too weak to fight, but the next day (after a good meal) she's okay enough to fight the Cockatrice (she gets petrified but cant blame lack of magic it was lack of Laios)

Now for the Mithrun timeline, he faints from lack of magic after they eat the roasted walking mushroom and rest for a bit (I imagine he was already with low magic before from the floor one fight and then teleporting them around to stop the fall and overworked himself?) that was on 4/4

The next day he continues to be weak and faints just from teleporting them away from the wolves so he's still drained

The next day he's once again forced to use magic to teleport the griffin away, he manages not to faint but he's clearly still unwell

The day after that he doesn't need to use magic they just need to take a bath to get rid of the mushroom spores, and finally the next day they're rescued

So he first faints on 4/4 joins with the canaries on 4/8 and they only arrive at thistle's on 4/13 I believe. So he had at least 9 days from the first time he ran out, he was still VERY weak in the next few days after fainting which would be the situation Marcille would have been in for the Dragon fight if she hadn't eaten the undine.

He doesn't get drained after this does he? After fighting Marcille for the first time Kabru does say this, but he's not drained he's "on the verge"

After that Mithrun was "forced to rest" for a bit before fighting again so maybe not being fully drained and resting helped him have enough for that last hurrah when fighting Marcille?

Just checked their fight and he only uses magic to heal himself once and then one other time to teleport, even Marcille calls his bluff, that was probably his last drop now that I notice

But even with all that Mithrun is stronger than Marcille (The canaries are specialized in defeating dungeons after all they're all strong and used to combat), Kabru even mentions he has lots of stamina for an elf. They aren't really eating well these few days waiting for rescue so I imagine this contributes to why it took him a while to get better during that, he's also used to forcing himself to the extreme so even if he is almost running out in the Marcille fight he would force himself to the last drop (as he does)

Anyway, maybe it seemed like he recovered super fast during ch62 since it all happens in one chapter but it actually takes him a couple of days to get back to 100%

[shootingstarpilot]

i keep imagining maces pov of when qui-gon gets decked and its so funny to me. this poor man just wants to know where his kid his friends padawan is but unfortunately he only has his his stupid friend whos panicking rn, a troll, and a very concussed soldier (who recognizes him??) who is having the most eventful and stressful days of his life to get any information from. and also theres a dead sith there. rip mace windu shout-out to him for not strangling qui-gon immediately after cody and co leave

...okay, yeah, i'm running with this.

because- mace has valiantly put off punching qui-gon. he has resisted every temptation. violence is so rarely a useful tool. he has not punched qui-gon. he will not punch qui-gon.

he is a jedi.

even when qui-gon returns to the temple self-righteous and indignant and without the child under his care-

he is a jedi.

even when they get the call, and he looks at qui-gon, who looks back at him, hopeful and eager and certain that he will be the one to go, to return, to repent, and mace thinks you do not deserve this and sends him anyway-

he is a jedi.

even when the shuttle returns, dropping out of orbit and straight through mace's stomach when he makes it to the dock just in time to see the healers vanish around the corner, qui-gon standing empty-handed on the landing, staring after them, blood on his tunics and under his fingernails-

he is a jedi.

even when vokara looks them both in the eyes and says infection and trauma and intubate, even when qui-gon asks can i see him? and there's no hint of a we, even during those three awful days of fever where mace finds himself hovering outside the halls with ever more minor errands, feeling obi-wan fade and flicker in the force and occasionally hearing the screams of please and no-! and names he does not know-

even then.

he is a jedi.

three days after obi-wan is pulled from the bacta tank:

another errand. theoretically. for the life of him mace cannot remember what he came here to deliver. but then the door to obi-wan's room opens, and vokara steps out, still speaking, her voice warm, some recounting of one of qui-gon's many misadventures that landed him in her care, and then she turns and sees him and before the door shuts behind her-

"master mace?"

the voice is thin and thready and mace closes his eyes.

"all right?" he whispers to vokara.

she raises an eyebrow. "he's asking for you."

(mace will find out later that this is the first time since his return that obi-wan has dared to asked for anything.)

he steps up to the threshold.

"obi-wan," he says. "may i come in?"

at the nod, mace steps forward and lets the door slide shut behind him. he settles into the chair left faithfully at the side of the bed.

obi-wan looks- unwell.

this is not, perhaps, the most novel observation. but it is one thing to know where and how he'd spent his last year. it is another matter entirely to see the proof of it, even beyond the cavernous wound he'd come home with-

in his size and stature, much smaller than that of a healthy child of his age. in the thinness of his face, the look of hunted hunger. in the scarring on the knuckles of his hands, clenching spasmodically in the layered blankets.

in the way he watches mace.

"obi-wan," mace repeats, and with the sound of his name comes an easing of the weight on his shoulders, each syllable fading into a sigh of relief, and he hadn't known what to say even as he'd stepped into the room- there is so much that needs saying, so many words he cannot find-

he smiles, instead, and rests his hands on his knees. "i have missed you very much."

when obi-wan reaches for him, mace is ready.

he ends up settled on the edge of the bed, one hand around obi-wan's shoulder as the boy curls into his side. he tugs gently at the tangled knot of pain still clouding obi-wan's thoughts, feeding the threads into the force, and feels him relax, bit by bit.

he's not asleep. his grip on mace's robe is too tight. his breathing too fast.

'how are you feeling?" mace asks quietly.

"okay."

the response is immediate, easy, and entirely untruthful.

"do you- need to go?"

mace catches qui-gon's approach. feels him pause.

feels him retreat.

"no," he says. "not at all."

he is a jedi.

there is so much to grieve, in the next few weeks. so much. obi-wan swings between different types of silence- sullen, frightened, exhausted, dissociating. tattered and bleeding in the force. he kicks and punches and bites and sometimes does not leave his room for days on end. he scratches at his skin until he bleeds, picks at his meals with a dull disengagement, sleeps sporadically, if at all-

it is very difficult, sometimes, to not be angry at qui-gon.

but the first time he visits their apartment, obi-wan recoils hard and fast at the first leak of such sentiments from behind his shielding, and mace decides that they have had their full of violence.

he is a jedi.

and besides-

qui-gon talks to him. talks to others, too, who talk between themselves, for no one is willing to let them handle this alone. mace sits and listens and sees the bruises bloom on qui-gon's arms and legs from small hands beating back imagined enemies, and knows anger is not what's needed here.

it persists, yes, but it does not rule.

he is a jedi.

and then-

and then.

(the force is full of screaming.)

the temple lets them through and the gardens are burning and there is a corpse on the floor and obi-wan is-

gone, qui-gon says.

i don't know where. he's gone.

and for a moment mace can hardly breathe under the weight of the fear and the fury and the you have a habit of losing him, don't you?, and he catches the thought and breathes it out, recognizing its roots, its unfairness, drawing his focus to the sith, listening with one ear to qui-gon's recounting even as he presses a hand to the rift, searching for some leeway and finding none, feeling the pressure build behind his eyes, swiping impatiently at the blood drying under his nose-

then something hums.

the soldiers are immensely professional. clear-cut and firm and shielded in the force, understandably reticent with information. but the most disconcerting thing by far...

they look to him.

all of them.

there's a familiarity there.

he's safe with us, the commander says, and looks at him.

safe-with-us, echos the force. safe-with-lightning-safe-with-fighting-safe-with-dying-safe-with-surviving-safe-with-us.

what else can he do but accept it?

he is a jedi.

and then qui-gon-

qui-gon-

well.

he is a jedi.

so he crouches next to him, rests a hand on his shoulder, and when qui-gon turns a shell-shocked gaze on him, says quietly- "come on. let me see."

he is a jedi.

he does not punch qui-gon.

but he is not entirely immune to schadenfreude.

[marjoch]

happy progress day

Jayce is drunk, and Viktor fancies a smoke. The events that occur on Progress Day, and the evening directly after.

[18+]

Progress Day.

To some, it was a holiday. An off day. For Viktor, it was just another late evening at the lab, faithfully working. Despite the hour, he barely felt any inkling of exhaustion. There were things to do, things beyond sleep. There would be plenty of rest come the end. His body was failing him, and his mind made up for it, racking through solutions and rationalizing every equation that led him closer to a conclusion. He was told to wait a decade, but he would be damned if it wasn’t done before he was out of time.

He was focused now, pen in hand, documenting his latest findings. He’d made a few new discoveries, things he was excited to share with his partner Jayce come the morning. Once he was finished with his notes, he set the notebook on the table, pen on the pages to keep it open. Then he stood, returned to the chalkboard, erased a section, and started working again.

This problem was more complicated. He never dreaded equations, but this had been haunting him for days. Now that he was facing it, he felt like he was suiting up for battle. He was on one side of the war, armed with his wits and a piece of chalk. The numbers were on the other side, with no weapons apart from their own orders and properties. He knew how their playing field worked. He only had to put the soldiers in the right positions.

Viktor finished writing out the mathematics and began to look over it. There was a starting point here, if he could find it. He did, easily, and started to solve. Some time into his attempt, he groaned in frustration, and went back to the start.

Minutes passed. Hell, hours. Viktor pondered the problem until his head started to hurt, and he returned to his notes, nearly sure he’d missed something. It was all correct, much to his dismay. Sighing, he resolved to take a break in the form of smoking.

Usually, Viktor was respectful of the workspace. He took his break outside, away from anyone, and did his best to smell clean when he came back in. If Jayce had noticed his occasional habit, he never said anything. Tonight, with the absence of anyone apart from himself, he lit up in front of the chalkboard.

Within a few hits, the equation seemed less menacing and more like a puzzle. Halfway through the joint, he started to solve again, the filter between his lips when his hands were busy with the chalk and eraser.

“Oh, hey,” said a voice from the doorway.

Viktor nearly dropped the joint, which was still burning. He turned to see his partner standing there, still in his day clothes. The room was dim, because Viktor believed in saving energy when he could. “Hello,” was his response.

Jayce came closer, and wrinkled his nose. “You smoke?”

“You didn’t know?” Viktor asked, raising an eyebrow as if his secret should have been clear from the start. He took another hit while Jayce watched closely. Sensing his gaze, Viktor extended the joint.

That’s not what Jayce was after, but he stepped forward and took the joint anyway. Viktor watched his gait, noticing the slightest imbalances. Jayce took a small hit from the joint and immediately started coughing, doubled over.

The intensity of the cough surprised Viktor, who took the joint back and held it away from Jayce to prevent the smoke from coming near him. “Are you okay?” Viktor asked, concerned.

“I’m fine,” Jayce choked, taking a few deep breaths before returning back to his full height. “I’m fine.”

Viktor watched him for a second. “Are you fine?” Jayce made eye contact with him. There was the smallest beat of silence. Viktor had something else to ask, amidst the empty space. “Are you drunk?”

“Happy Progress Day?” said Jayce in response, shrugging with his hands up.

“Happy Progress Day,” responded Viktor, taking the last hit of the joint. He looked back at the chalkboard, which drew Jayce’s attention.

“Wow,” Jayce sighed, walking closer to the equation Viktor had written out. “You did all this?”

Viktor hurried back to his notebook, picking it up. The pen rolled off the pages and hit the desk with a faint clatter. He brought the notebook to Jayce. “I worked out the other equation, I documented it all. I’ll show you all of this again in the morning, when your mind is more attuned.”

Jayce wasn’t focused on the notebook. When his eyes left the chalkboard, they found Viktor, and they never left. He listened, as attentively as someone inebriated could.

Viktor noticed Jayce’s focus was off, and sighed. “Is there something on your mind? I can do this later.”

Jayce shook his head. “You’re just so smart.”

Viktor was caught off guard by the compliment, but he played it off. “I imagine they don’t choose idiots to be a council member’s assistant. It’s been years since, but I doubt I lost my wits in the meantime.”

“No,” Jayce shook his head again, this time with more fervor. “No, not like that. I just mean… you have an understanding beyond everyone else’s. You amaze me. I don’t know how you do it.”

Viktor chuckled a little, somehow out of awkwardness. The things Jayce said were unspoken truths between them, sentiments that they shared about each other. “Thank you, Jayce,” was his response. Then, thinking of his friend’s wellbeing, he continued. “You should get some rest. I can explain all of this to you tomorrow.”

Another head shake from Jayce. It made Viktor realize the state he was in, despite how hard he was working to feign sobriety. “I want to stay here, with you.”

Viktor shrugged. “Okay,” he said. He turned back to the chalkboard, collecting his thoughts. He had a good train of thought that was derailed by Jayce’s arrival, and remained off the tracks with him still in the room.

It was an odd feeling. Usually, he worked better with Jayce next to him.

“I can help,” said Jayce, speaking up. “Let me see that.” He held out his hand, expectantly waiting for the chalk.

“I don’t think-”

Before Viktor could continue, Jayce took the chalk out of his grip and started working.

“Jayce,” Viktor began to protest, but as his partner worked, he stood back in silence. Whatever alcohol was in Jayce’s body was no inhibitant to his skill with mathematics. Right before Viktor’s eyes, Jayce worked out half the problem. When he found himself stumped, he stepped back.

“You got me there,” Jayce spoke to the chalkboard. Viktor watched him stand back, arms crossed, fervently studying.

“You’re smart yourself,” said Viktor, repeating Jayce’s compliment from before. He held out his hand for the chalk, and Jayce obliged. Stepping up to the chalkboard, Viktor worked out the rest of the problem… nearly.

While Viktor was standing close to the chalkboard looking over the last variables, Jayce was standing from behind. He wasn’t focused on the equation, though. In fact, he’d only been forcing focus for the sake of his partner, because that’s what Viktor wanted to do at this hour, and he liked spending time with him.

That, and Jayce Talis had a massive crush.

It had been growing for years now. He’d stuffed it down in hopes it would disappear, like it had with every other crush. He liked Mel Medarda, but was it the desire for allyship? He knew she was on his side, and that’s what he needed. He was on her side, too. He enjoyed her companionship, she was devastatingly stunning, and he would be so lucky to spend a single minute with her.

But Viktor…

With the drinks in his body, it was easier to fantasize they were something more than partners. Viktor didn’t even have to know that from back here, Jayce was imagining they were something more. Watching Viktor stand at the chalkboard, pretending he was a lover… it was a nice thought.

A thought that Jayce didn’t get to ponder long enough before Viktor interrupted his beautiful trance. “What do you think, Jayce?”

Just hearing his name on Viktor’s lips made his head spin. He was fighting to keep himself composed, but the liquor had another idea entirely. “I think you’re beautiful.”

Viktor, who’d found Jayce to be haunting his dreams on and off for years, was shocked to hear the sentiment returned. He turned around and found himself captivated by Jayce’s gaze: one of adoration, care, and longing.

Dismissively as possible, Viktor scoffed and turned back to the board. “Really, Jayce. I could use your brain, if it’s working.”

“It’s working,” Jayce said, not faltering from his current thoughts. For Viktor’s sake, he turned his attention back to the board. Through his intense thoughts of desire, he pieced one of the numbers together. Instead of asking for the chalk, he took it directly from Viktor’s hand, fingers grazing palm. The contact alone sent shivers down both of their spines.

Watching Jayce work out another portion of the equation gave Viktor’s thoughts time to ruminate. Now that he was the one behind Jayce, he took in the sight. He’d been here many times before in those dreams, always leading to something he’d never ask for in waking life. Oh, to hear his name said in a different context, Viktor, Viktor….

“Viktor?” Jayce’s voice cut through the trance.

“Hm?”

Jayce held out the chalk. “Check my work?”

Viktor took the chalk, nodding. “Of course.”

His turn to stand in front of the board again. Viktor went through the work, seeing the attempt at a completed problem. Finding a fault, he shook his head. “This, here. This doesn’t fit.”

Jayce was paying attention. He stepped up beside Viktor, ready to listen.

“I don’t know what fits. Just… not this.”

“Do you have another joint?” Jayce was wildly off-topic.

Viktor hesitated, but gave in. “Do you want to smoke?”

Jayce shrugged. “Only if you want.”

Viktor was content to smoke more. He went to his bag, dug out another joint, and lit it up. The first drag was enough to make him sigh in relief. Not only did it help settle his mind, it succored the pain he was used to living with.

When he passed the joint to Jayce, it was clear that his partner’s eyes were elsewhere. He could’ve dropped it just to maintain his gaze on Viktor, and Viktor noticed.

“I’m gonna sit down, if you want to.” Jayce proposed it like a suggestion, but his immediate change of position to sit on the floor made it obvious that he was going for it regardless.

Viktor looked down at the floor, and then back at Jayce. He was considering the effort it would take to lower himself down and back up again when Jayce sprang up.

“Just kidding,” said Jayce, who took note of his partner’s hesitations. He handed the joint back to Viktor. “Chairs.”

Without any prompting, Jayce brought their chairs over from the table Viktor had been working at earlier. He sat in one of them, and waited for Viktor to take the other. Viktor did, breathing in through the joint.

When Viktor offered the joint to Jayce, Jayce just waved his hand. “I’m good.”

“You wanted to smoke,” said Viktor, hand still extended.

“I wanted to watch you smoke,” confessed Jayce, eyes focused on his partner.

Viktor paused, then shrugged and continued smoking on his own. “Interesting thought.”

“Am I not allowed to think it?”

“I never said that.”

“Do you like that I think it?”

Viktor took a long drag before he motioned to Jayce with his finger. “Come here.”

Jayce was eager, pulling up his chair closer in an instant. Viktor blew the smoke in his face. Jayce coughed and shook his head. “What the hell, Viktor.”

Viktor’s smile when Jayce’s vision cleared was enough to warrant forgiveness. Hell, he was resisting the urge to ask him to do it again, just to see that same smile.

“I’m sorry,” Viktor said, with amusement. “I won’t do it again.” He went on smoking for another minute, then he asked, “Want to try something?”

Jayce was the type of man to try anything once, especially when it was suggested by someone close to his heart. His chair was already close to Viktor’s, but he inched up even more. “Sure.”

His yearning was visible, but Viktor was dragging it along. It was nice to discover that his partner felt similarly about him. Viktor breathed in through the joint, then motioned Jayce closer. “Open your mouth.”

Jayce, already captivated by Viktor’s presence, complied. He sat there obediently, mouth agape, while Viktor breathed the smoke into it.

“Breathe,” was Viktor’s instruction as he exhaled, and Jayce listened.

Viktor sat back as Jayce exhaled the smoke passed to him. Jayce took in the sight, locked into the moment. No amount of self-control was getting him through the night, however. Instead of sitting back in his chair, he remained leaned forward, arms propped up on his knees. “How much longer is that gonna take?” Jayce asked, referring to the joint.

Viktor looked at it. “I can be done, if you’re tired of it.”

Jayce shook his head, perhaps a bit too quickly. “No, carry on.”

As Viktor finished smoking, the two of them sat in a comfortable silence. Viktor looked at the equation on the board while Jayce looked at Viktor. When the joint was done, Viktor seemed like he was going to stand up. “Back to work.”

“Wait,” said Jayce, before his partner could move.

Viktor paused, looking to Jayce expectantly. When there was nothing to be said, he prepared to rise again, but was interrupted by Jayce coming much closer than before and the sensation of lips pushed to his own.

It felt natural. Kissing Jayce was like drinking water: necessary, something to be desired in its absence, and now that he’d tasted just a drop, he needed his thirst quenched. It took everything in him not to pull Jayce closer, especially now that he could taste the alcohol on his breath.

“You’re drunk,” murmured Viktor, halting the moment.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jayce said, tone so low it gave Viktor goosebumps. “I want you all the time.”

This night had taken a turn. He’d started off working on his own, pondering numbers and equations and all the things leading up to eventual payoff. There were goals to work for, problems to solve, and ideas to pitch. This took precedence.

“You don’t mean that,” was Viktor’s response, spoken with a shake of his head.

“I’ve always meant it,” Jayce remained close, looking into Viktor’s eyes even when Viktor looked away.

“I want you when you’re sober,” Viktor spoke.

Jayce sighed, and it devastated Viktor. His partner exhaled with all the energy of a wounded dog, a disappointed sound that was indescribable in any other way. “Drunk Jayce never has any fun.”

It took everything in Viktor not to laugh. “I’m not going to take advantage of you being inebriated.”

“You’re inebriated too,” said Jayce pointedly. “You’ve smoked two joints.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Kinda seems like the same thing to me,” Jayce continued. He remained where he was, close but far enough for Viktor to stand up at any moment.

Viktor wasn’t going anywhere. He was currently considering his options, weighing the possible regrets of any actions he could take. He leaned back in his chair. “Don’t you have meetings tomorrow?”

Jayce sighed of annoyance, finally sitting back in his chair and momentarily glancing at the ceiling before returning his gaze to Viktor. “Don’t remind me. From sunup to sundown, I’m stuck in back-to-back meetings with the most esteemed officials representing important politicians. In short: very boring, alarmingly corrupt.”

“You need to get some sleep.” Viktor hadn’t seen a clock in hours, but last he checked, it was already late. He stood up, and motioned towards the door with his head. “I’ll go, too. Be back here tomorrow night?”

Jayce was willing to leave if Viktor was going. For one, he didn’t like being alone in the lab this late without him. For another, he knew Viktor didn’t get the sleep he needed. Jayce had been there overnight many times before, and Viktor was nearly always working longer hours.

They left together, then, going their respective ways. When Viktor returned the next day, he saw the chairs still there in the middle of the room, and couldn’t help but smile to himself.

Violent events overnight landed Viktor and Jayce in front of the council the next morning, discussing the safeguards that should be placed on their new technology. Jayce walked away a newly-appointed council member, and Viktor returned to the lab.

The rest of the day passed quickly for Viktor, who was fully dedicated to his work. Jayce, on the other hand, suffered through the rest of his meetings. Preoccupied with business from the moment he woke up, he hardly had time to process the previous night’s events. This processing time coincided with his evening walk to their lab. Entering, he found most of the confidence he had the night before was diminished.

“Viktor,” he said his partner’s name in greeting. “Sorry I’m late. Trade dispute.”

Viktor was scrawling away in his notebook, detailing how the day had gone. So many things solved, yet so many to go. “Sounds fun,” he remarked, not looking up from his notes. He was determined to get all of his thoughts down before his head became clouded with new possibilities.

Jayce read it differently. Where a short response from Viktor may have been normal before, he found himself wondering if the night before had been too much. “Anything of importance today?”

Viktor finished his notes, and then flipped back several pages. “Actually, I wanted to review what I went over last night, just so it’s clear.”

He handed the notebook to Jayce, who went through it before walking to the chalkboard. The problem was still there, untouched.

“I wanted to wait for you,” Viktor said. “I don’t know. Drunk Jayce, as you called yourself, was very helpful.”

Jayce shook his head. “I’m sorry I barged in on your work night.”

“You were very helpful,” he repeated. “You almost finished it. I think it’s your calling.”

Jayce smiled and stepped up to the board, handing the notebook back to Viktor in passing. Viktor watched him work, paying attention to the numbers. Jayce’s mind moved faster than his in this particular moment, and since he wasn’t needing to solve anything, Viktor chose to watch him instead.

“I think that’s it,” said Jayce, with enthusiasm. He turned, and caught Viktor’s eyes. Viktor immediately looked to the equation, perhaps where he should have been looking all along.

As he attempted to double-check Jayce’s work, he found himself completely distracted. Jayce sensed it. When Viktor didn’t have any corrections or any positive remarks for a minute, Jayce touched his shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Viktor pulled himself together, looking at Jayce. “Yes, sorry.” The hand came off of his shoulder, and he missed the touch.

“Does it look alright?” Jayce asked, expectantly. “The solution.”

Viktor trained his gaze on the board again and went through it. On time, he responded, “That looks good to me. Very nice.” He knew damn well he would have to go back and check later.

“Very nice,” Jayce repeated, smiling again.

Viktor was still holding the notebook, and he went back to the desk for his pen now. Setting the notebook down, he began jotting his thoughts.

There was that nagging feeling again, the sense that Jayce was watching him. Viktor made eye contact with him, waiting for him to speak, but nothing came of it. The moment became so prolonged that it felt more like a social experiment on how long it could go, or even a competition of who would outlast the other.

Viktor was the loser. “I have to finish this.” He went back to the notebook, while Jayce walked over and found a seat in the chair next to him.

The pair of them were always inextricably attracted to each other, almost in a magnetic sense. Instead of sitting side by side, they tended to face inwards towards each other. Jayce particularly liked it because it was less obvious when he stole glances.

“You’ve been working all day, take a break.”

Viktor never looked up or faltered in his writing. “Take a break? We don’t have time for that. Besides, this won’t take me long.”

Jayce was usually content to watch him work, as he’d done this times before. It had been an indulgence he’d savored in the rare moments when they weren’t both preoccupied. After last night, however, his longing was becoming unsustainable through gaze alone.

Viktor was dutifully scribbling away when Jayce moved his chair closer, close enough to put his knee between Viktor’s. Just the slightest touch of their legs, and Viktor’s attention was drawn.

Jayce’s heart was beating so intensely that he feared Viktor would be able to hear it. Viktor, suddenly aware of the butterflies in his stomach, kept his composure. “Jayce.”

“Viktor,” was the easy response. The tone in his voice was reminiscent of last night, the same sound that gave Viktor goosebumps. He still hovered over the notebook, but his eyes never left his partner.

“You heard Heimerdinger. This will take years, Jayce.”

“Fuck Heimerdinger,” Jayce responded, with a strong expression to match.

Viktor shook his head. “I’m serious. If we don’t-” Jayce touched Viktor’s knee, causing Viktor to pause. He had his own way of staying on subject. “If we don’t finish this, you’ll have to do it when I’m gone.”

Jayce scoffed. “Thanks for the reminder.” He went to lean back, lifting his hand, but Viktor reached out and grabbed it, guiding it back. The action brought Viktor ever-so-slightly closer, and Jayce took the opportunity to test the waters, leaning in. The gentlest kiss, short and sweet.

Viktor just smiled. Jayce waited politely, and Viktor finally had enough, reaching for Jayce’s face and kissing him, hard.

Jayce leaned over and grabbed Viktor’s waist, hooking his fingers under his knee and pulling him closer. Viktor let his arms settle around Jayce’s neck, assisting in their shared conquest to eliminate the distance between him.

No separation, no conversation, just the breaths they shared and desire being spent. Jayce kept a hand on Viktor’s waist and ran the other up and down his thigh, feeling the way it made him shiver just the slightest.

Viktor was practically sitting on Jayce’s thigh, and Jayce was aware of keeping them both supported. The last thing he wanted was for them to end up on the floor. In an effort to situate them more stably, he pulled Viktor closer, inching him up his leg. The action elicited a quiet moan from Viktor. Jayce laughed just a little against his lips.

Viktor pulled away, then, arms still around Jayce’s neck. “Jayce.”

“What?” Jayce asked, beaming. His expression changed, then. “We can stop, if you want.”

“So stupid,” Viktor responded, kissing him again.

Viktor liked the way Jayce melted into him. He was sitting on top, but Jayce seemed to completely encompass him. Viktor drew himself closer, if that was possible at this point.

Jayce sensed his desire for the friction they’d experienced moments prior. Jayce put both of his hands on Viktor’s hips, and took control of the motion, the easy back and forth. Viktor approved audibly, a heavy sigh interrupting their make-out session.

“You like that?” Jayce asked, quiet.

Viktor just exhaled again, putting his forehead against Jayce’s. Jayce kissed his neck, determined to get another sound out of him. He’d heard it before, and it was the song stuck in his head. He needed to listen intently to get it out of where it remained, on loop. He succeeded, and Viktor shook his head at his own failure to remain quiet.

“I need you,” Viktor murmured, barely audible.

Jayce heard, but feigned as if he didn’t. “What?”

“I need you,” said Viktor again, this time more clearly.

Jayce kissed his neck once more before pressing a brief one to Viktor’s lips. He shook his head, moving his hands to Viktor’s face, running his fingers through his partner’s hair. When he spoke, his words were honesty in its most transparent form. “I need you. All of you. Whatever you’ll give me.”

“You can have it all,” was Viktor’s response.

Jayce moved them, then. With ease that Viktor quite liked, Jayce lifted him up onto the desk, and stood between his legs. Hands on the desk to support himself as he leaned in, he kissed Viktor with passion that he hadn’t demonstrated before. In all honesty, as he believed in that, he’d never been this entranced by anyone else.

Viktor was into it. The longer they went on kissing each other like this, the more he desired something more. He also noticed how his sounds seemed to please Jayce, and obliged to give into another soft groan, accompanied by his hands running down Jayce’s chest. Once he reached Jayce’s belt, he pulled his shirt out so it was untucked.

Oh, a sound from Jayce, then. Just the faintest moan, but enough to make Viktor understand why Jayce had been so intent on hearing him again. It was a melody, almost.

Heavy breathing. Lips on lips, hands in hair, a tangled mess of where Viktor ended and Jayce began. Viktor grabbed Jayce’s collar and pulled him closer, an action that made Jayce stumble from where he had been propped up leaning over the table.

“I miss your touch,” said Viktor. The look in Jayce’s eyes was something new. He would do whatever Viktor asked, and Viktor knew it. Jayce listened to the feedback and abandoned his position balancing on his hands, shifting so one was behind Viktor, holding himself in place, and the other found Viktor’s knee.

When their lips met again, Viktor explored the space of Jayce’s mouth with his tongue. Jayce slowly moved his hand up Viktor’s thigh, having an exact idea of what he was doing. When he reached his upper thigh, he felt Viktor shiver under his touch, and chose to linger.

Viktor, who paid attention to the way Jayce was playing with him, had tricks up his sleeve. Not breaking their kiss, he trailed his fingers up Jayce’s arms and, upon reaching his shoulders, took his jacket off. It fell to the floor without a complaint or a beat from either of them.

Jayce thought Viktor was good at working while distracted, but this was something else altogether. Viktor made quick work of Jayce’s tie and vest, leaving just his buttoned shirt between Viktor’s hands and his chest. Despite the new lack of clothing, Jayce felt warmer than before.

Viktor thought Jayce could stand to play catch-up. He was hardly halfway through the thought before Jayce moved to kiss his neck again, hands working at Viktor’s clothing, getting rid of everything save his now-untucked button up shirt and pants that Jayce was itching to get him out of.

Jayce was the one who broke the furious kiss, much to Viktor’s dismay. “How are you doing?”

In response, Viktor pulled him back in. Even as just a sentence, the separation was too long. He had never known Jayce Talis in this form, and he found himself addicted to it. Viktor blindly worked at the buttons on Jayce’s shirt. When it was undone, he ran his hand down his chest, finding muscle that he had imagined he’d see. Still, the very thought was arousing, and his longing grew deeper.

“You’ve got a friend,” said Viktor, upon bringing his knee up between Jayce’s legs. Jayce groaned at the touch, sending another wave of shivers down Viktor’s spine. Jayce could only move on, kissing Viktor’s neck, violently unbuttoning his shirt to continue down his chest. Viktor had a suggestion. “You should make him useful.”

Jayce stopped, then, and met Viktor’s eyes. “Are you sure?”

Viktor tilted his head curiously, smiling just the slightest. “We can stop if you want,” he echoed Jayce’s words from earlier, knowing good and well that neither of them were going anywhere.

“I’m good,” said Jayce, kissing Viktor again. As much as he loved doing this with Jayce, Viktor was aching for something more. Jayce sensed it, reading him as easily as he always did in waking day. His hands abandoned Viktor to work at his own belt buckle, and Viktor interrupted.

“No,” he murmured against Jayce’s lips. “Just touch me.”

Jayce exhaled deeply at the very thought and listened, moving his hands to Viktor’s waist again. Within moments of yet another intense make-out, he slipped his thumbs under Viktor’s waistband. His hands traveled until they found the buttons that kept them held together, and he worked to undo it.

On the other end, Viktor set to unbuckling Jayce’s belt on his own. He succeeded before Jayce did, smiling against his partner’s lips like it was some sort of competition. He reached in, and Jayce groaned. “That’s not fair.”

Viktor just sighed. “You should be faster next time.”

Jayce nearly knocked him back against the desk with the fury in which he kissed him. He finished undoing the buttons on Viktor’s pants and felt him as Viktor was feeling him now. Viktor moaned at the first sense of any touch, and Jayce couldn’t help but laugh again. The joy of finally getting to this point was too much to ignore.

“Are you going to make me ask again?” Viktor practically whispered. Upon sensing hesitation, he continued in the same tone. “Are you nervous?”

Jayce searched his eyes, remaining as close as he could. “Are you not?”

Viktor had been waiting for this, but he didn’t want to diminish Jayce’s confidence. “Who says I’m not?”

At this point, Jayce saw through his facade of ease. Viktor wanted the same as him, and he was ready to deliver. “You ask a lot of questions.” He captured his partner’s lips again, and pulled him closer by the waist, positioning him on the edge of the desk. When he finally gave into Viktor, the both of them groaned under the satisfaction of surrender.

“Fuck,” Viktor breathed, adjusting to the feeling of his partner inside of him. Jayce shared the sentiment, but did his best to hide it. What for?

With the sensation of movement came the visual of Viktor giving into laying back on the desk. He had remained up close to Jayce, keeping their lips in proximity, but he was content to enjoy the current moment.

Even if it wasn’t possible for Jayce to get off on the physicality (which he most certainly was), he would have been aroused just at the sight of Viktor like this. In fact, it’s something he’d imagined on his own, when he was supposed to be going to bed on time.

In-between bated breaths, Viktor reached up for Jayce. His partner’s hands were on Viktor’s hips, steadying them both and maintaining the motion, but Jayce was attentive. He took Viktor’s hand.

Viktor wasn’t looking for a hand-holding moment, he desired Jayce’s kiss again. The hand was a good enough guide, though. He pulled Jayce down towards him. “You aren’t going to kiss me?”

That earned the attention he wanted. Lips on his, and the pace elevated. There was no trying to hide any sounds shared between the two of them, the gasps and moans creating a symphony to fill the empty space in the room.

At some point in the act, Jayce separated from the kiss. Viktor let him go, watching the way Jayce propped himself up on an elbow, hovering above his partner with that indescribable look of pleasure on his face. Viktor’s hand followed Jayce’s arm up to his shoulder, where it lingered.

It was serious, now. This was the endgame of the act they’d both began, and the heat was undeniable. Sweat dripping from his brow, Jayce leaned down to kiss Viktor briefly. It didn’t last, because he was breathing entirely too heavy to continue. He settled to rest his forehead against Viktor’s, a position that was suitable to both of them.

Viktor’s fingers found themselves in Jayce’s hair, tracing down his jaw, his chest, any inch of him they could reach. At one particular moment he faltered, finding the back of Jayce’s neck as a safeguard against their foreheads separating. “Fuck, Jayce.”

It wasn’t a command as much of a reaction, but it may as well have been. Jayce focused now, caring about how it felt for himself but even more caring about how it felt for his partner.

Viktor moaned loudly, then covered his mouth with hand. When he spoke, it was breathless. “Fuck, Jayce, are you close?”

Jayce didn’t have words to respond. “Mhm,” was his close-lipped response, between the heavy exhales that were melodic to Viktor’s ears.

The pair of them were one, intertwined upon the desk where they did their faithful work. It was almost spiritual, an intended use for the space. This was the alter, and either of them were the offering to the other. Their god was the feeling they shared, something Viktor would worship in Jayce’s future absences, something Jayce would consider when with another.

Jayce was a patron, and Viktor was his dedication. Together, the two of them worked their way up to a climax, and they shared it with resonating sighs. When it was over, the feeling didn’t end, just the moment.

Drenched in sweat, Jayce rested his head on Viktor’s shoulder. Viktor’s hands found his face easily, pulling him into a kiss before he had anything to say about the event. When Viktor was done kissing his lips, he worked down Jayce’s neck, chest, anywhere he could reach without leaving his position on the desk.

Jayce thought he could fall in love with Viktor, but he didn’t have the guts to say it now. Instead he fixed Viktor’s hair, running his hands through it until it fell in messy waves. Viktor just stared up at him, taking in the view.

“How was that?” Jayce asked finally, almost nervous for a response.

Viktor laughed a little. “That was… not what I was expected when you came in tonight.” Upon seeing Jayce’s eyes filled with a mix of confusion and fear, he hit Jayce’s shoulder and sat up. “In a good way.”

Jayce chuckled, and Viktor sensed the possible discomfort. In an attempt to reassure him, Viktor gave him another kiss. While their lips were impossibly close, he whispered, “That was great. Thank you.”

Jayce seemed relieved to hear that, and it made Viktor’s heart skip a beat. Viktor pushed back the strand of hair that had fallen over Jayce’s forehead, and sat up.

“I didn’t want to end up on the floor, but it’s looking more comfortable by the minute.” Viktor’s words were true, something also on Jayce’s mind.

“Can I carry you?” Jayce asked.

Viktor raised an eyebrow, wondering where this was going. Despite not knowing, he nodded.

When they had gathered the clothes they needed to look barely presentable outside, Jayce turned back to Viktor and easily scooped him up bridal style.

“My room, or yours?” The question was Jayce’s to ask and Viktor’s to answer.

“Yours,” was the response. In all honesty, Viktor had yet to see Jayce’s living quarters. He’d briefly glimpsed at an idea of how he lived years ago, but nothing since. Jayce was thinking just the same about Viktor, but he was content to settle.

When the two of them left the lab, they were both aware that the memories of what occurred would never fade. As he fell asleep next to Jayce, Viktor just hoped that it would last. He wasn’t the type to engage in fleeting relations, especially not of this kind. Jayce meant something to him, and that was rare.

Jayce was up later than Viktor for once, ensuring his partner got much-needed sleep. Only when Viktor was asleep did he attempt the same, drifting off and dreaming of variations of the night’s events.

[kurogane2512]

Did Vautour's event and interrogation in one sitting cause I'm a simp and I love her so much now 😭 This is inspired from that massage supervision incident with her😩

18+ CONTENT

Game: Path to Nowhere

Characters: Vautour Bleu x fem!reader (Chief)

Type: Fluff and smut (Spoilers for Vautour's real name and backstory)

Vautour Bleu, a mysterious and enigmatic new Sinner you had recently allied with. Her reputation as a merchant was spread all around in the WhiteSands as a shrewd woman who’d leave no scraps and would always benefit from a deal. Eventually, you ended up making a deal with her as well, a deal that involved her offering herself to be your Sinner willingly while you promised her a future for the people beyond DisCity. Although, you let her continue her business with her caravan, she was still required to abide by some regulations as a Sinner which caused her to come to the bureau every now and then.

Today was one of those days when she was called in for some checkups and had a psychological consultation scheduled. Despite her having a fairly friendly demeanour, she still harboured some deep trauma that shaped her to be known as the ‘blue vulture’ she is today. You decided to personally attend her session today in hopes of knowing her better and helping her as needed. She was secretive about her past and deflected all the questions thrown at her, barely giving any information about herself. You had expected this, you still didn’t even know Vautour Bleu properly, there was no way you could know her past self so easily.

However, as the session continued, you noticed traces of fatigue and tiredness in her expression and eyes. You had come to recognize she was quite laid-back, but her mind was always active. This looked like genuine tiredness that you’d normally not see on her and became worried if something was wrong.

“Vautour, are you not feeling well today?”

Vautour seemed taken aback by your question and the way you gestured at her face.

“Really? What makes you say so?”

“You have got dark circles under your eyes and are constantly moving your neck. Did you have trouble sleeping last night?”

A trace of a smirk adorned her lips, her voice letting out a hum.

“Hmm, paying close attention to me, aren’t you?~”

You blushed for a moment and cleared your throat, “O-Of course, you are my Sinner, it’s my responsibility to take care of you.”

Vautour smiled faintly then tilted her head while pondering.

“Now that you mention it, I did sleep in a weird position last night. My neck and shoulders are rather stiff.”

“Oh, was the bed or pillow not comfortable? I’m sorry, I’ll have them changed immediately.”

She let out a chuckle, “No need to trouble yourself with such trivialities. The facilities were fine, I’m just getting used to sleeping in a new place. I’m not going to be sleeping in every day so it’s no point going that far.”

“It’s no trouble, I don’t want any of my Sinners to be uncomfortable.”

“Hehe, how kind you are to your Sinners, little Chief~”

She rested her head on her arm that was draped across the chair, gazing at you with a smile.

“W-Well, anyways. It seems a massage would be a good therapy for you today. If you don’t mind, I can give you a massage.”

“Oh? That sounds wonderful. It’d be my pleasure~”

You walked behind her and waited as she removed her blue coat, bringing her upper back and shoulders to view. You felt warmth on your face looking at her fair and smooth skin as she parted her thick and fluffy blonde hair to the side.

“I’m ready, little Chief~”

You snapped out of you trance and came closer to place your hands on her shoulders.

“Where does it pain the most?”

“Hmm.... just there, a little below....” she instructed as you dragged your hands to where she wanted, “Yes, right here....”

You began by applying gentle pressure at first, carefully finding the knots.

“Is this alright?”

Vautour let out a pleasured hum, “....Yes, you can go harder.”

“Okay....”

You pressed down with your thumbs near her shoulder blades, making her arch in response with a sweet sigh.

“Oh, that was good.... Yes.... just like that~”

Her voice almost sounded like a moan, instantly making you flustered but you kept your composure and continued massaging her. Your fingers traced in circular motions over her upper back while your thumb clenched in and out, making a rhythmic pattern to ease out her muscles. She tilted her neck as you came up to massage near her nape, again letting out the same kind of relaxed hums that could easily be misinterpreted. You wondered if she was doing this intentionally, or if the massage was really just that good.

“Hmm.... more in this spot....” she brought her hand to hold yours and guided you to the centre of her back, “Do it just like before, that felt perfect~”

“Y-Yes, as you say....”

Vautour gazed into the distance as her eyes became hazy, enjoying the sensations. You understood her relaxed state and decided to ask her a bit about herself, hoping to earn some answers now.

“So, your real name is Madeleine, right?”

She remained silent for a moment and contemplated her answer then decided to reply truthfully.

“Madeleine Noailles..... Hehe, it’s been more than a decade since I heard it.”

“Noailles.... I have never heard of that family name in DisCity. You lived very far away, didn’t you?”

“Mhm, on the opposite end of WhiteSands. I lived with my family- my parents and brother- and a team of kind and helpful servants.”

This was the first time you heard her speak of having a family, she had said she was alone. You wanted to know more about her family but weren’t sure if it was the right time.

“I see.... What made you become a travelling merchant in the WhiteSands?”

Vautour again remained silent and contemplated her answer.

“When disasters strike, even the noblest are forced to dirty their hands to survive.”

Of course, she answered it cryptically. It was a standard answer most outlanders in the WhiteSands would give. You waited in hopes for her to say more but she became silent and you decided to stop probing for now, patience was the key with her.

“Hmm, you are quite skilled at massaging, Chief~”

“I wouldn’t say skilled. I just spend a lot of time at my desk so I have learned some key techniques to work out the knots myself.”

You withdrew your tired hands after a while. Vautour rolled her neck and shoulders slightly before standing up to wear her coat.

“Thank you, that was wonderfully relaxing~”

“You are welcome. We can end our session for today, I look forward to our next meeting.”

You raised your arm forward in a handshake position. Her soft hand joined with yours in agreement before she traced her fingers up your arm and walked near your ear to whisper.

“Next time you need a massage, you can let me return the favour. I’d be more than happy to be of service, dear Chief~”

Her voice came in a hush, warm breath tickling your ear and making you flustered. You merely nodded at her proposition then watched her leave, your thoughts still stuck on the lingering sensations of her soft skin. You took a deep breath then wrapped up your things from the room and went back to your office. A few days passed without Vautour Bleu’s visit; her next session was scheduled for after 10 days. You continued keeping in touch with her through letters as promised and were glad to see her doing fine with her caravan, even sending more refuges your way to take care of.

It was one ordinary night when you were staying up late in your office doing paperwork as usual. The end of the month was approaching and you had to finalize the reports of all your work done in the past month, which had been quite a handful due to the incident with Desir. You leaned back on your chair for a moment and stretched out your arms, rolling your neck and shoulders and pressing down on some spots. You suddenly remembered that day with Vautour when you had given her a massage and she promised to return the favour, now would have been a good time if she was around.

A sudden knock was heard on your door followed by a familiar figure walking in, “Working till late, little Chief?~”

It felt like a miracle that Vautour Bleu was here just when you thought about her.

“Vautour? What are you doing here? Your next session is in a week....”

Vautour closed the door and walked inside, “I felt like staying for the time being, until the next session. Work has been going well lately, the caravan can handle without me for some time.”

“I see, it’s good to have you then. Your room is intact, I’ll send the cleaning staff right away to give it a polish. You can wait here till then.”

Vautour nodded with a smile and took a huff from her pipe as you informed the cleaners. She looked at the way you tilted your neck and stretched your arms, a smirk drawing up her lips.

“Need a massage, Chief? I gather you have been working for quite some time.”

“A-Ah, you are right, I have to complete many reports for this month.”

Vautour smiled wider and walked closer to you, “Seems I came at the perfect time then. Let me return the favour as promised.”

You were hesitant to agree, “I-It’s okay, you don’t have to really do it. I appreciate the thought....”

She extended her hand to hold yours, slowly intertwining your fingers together.

“I insist. I don’t like owing favours to others. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to receive service once in a while, would it?~”

You knew she wouldn’t let it go and decided to agree.

“Alright, thank you. Uh, I think we should sit on the sofa, it would be easier for you.”

Vautour nodded and kept down her pipe at your desk then followed you towards the sofa.

“You should remove your shirt; direct pressure will be more effective.” Vautour suggested.

“Uh, okay....”

You turned away from her and unbuttoned your grey shirt, leaving your black undershirt on. Vautour was about to suggest taking off the undershirt as well but held back her words for now. You sat on one corner of the sofa sideways and waited as she took her seat behind you. You suddenly became shy of her presence as she placed her hands on your back, gently gripping your shoulders.

“Uh, just around the neck area and top of the shoulders....”

She dragged her hands to where you instructed and started applying pressure, trying to feel up your tense muscles but your undershirt was making her hands slip and be unable to feel you properly.

“Remove this as well, I can’t determine the right pressure.”

You were reluctant to considering you’d left in just your bra, and didn’t want her to see your bare skin.

“Uh, it’s okay. You don’t have to do it too hard....”

“I won’t be satisfied if it’s not done right.”

She continued insisting, making it difficult for you to deny. Her face came closer and you could feel her breathe against your skin as she whispered, “Just relax, you don’t have to worry about anything with me~”

You pursed your lips then finally agreed. She helped you pull up the undershirt from your back and intently watched your naked body come in view, but the sight was a little surprising. There were some scars and faded wounds, mostly around your upper back and one near the waist. She realized this was perhaps why you were hesitant to show yourself, but to her it didn’t matter a bit. If anything, she became more impressed by you. She had come to understand you were different than the other officials, but this further proved how hard you worked to fight Mania and protect your Sinners.

She didn’t speak a word and placed her hands on the same spots again. Just when she was about to start, you hissed and recoiled in surprise.

“Sorry, your rings felt cold....”

“Oh, my apologies. Let me remove them, they will hurt you anyways.”

She took off her rings and kept them on the table in front then placed her hands on your back again, starting to rub and apply pressure. Her gaze lingered over each scar, noticing their intricate patterns while her hands didn’t stop massaging. Your skin was rougher than she anticipated, quite a contrast to her own soft and clear skin despite travelling in the barren and scorching WhiteSands so much. As she moved lower to your shoulder blades, she couldn’t help but trace a finger over the scar there and earned a shiver of surprise from you.

“V-Vautour?”

“Relax, I was merely curious~”

She continued her massage, now rubbing your shoulder blades and pressing down on certain spots with her thumbs. You let out a hiss as she focused on some hard knots, arching your back slightly from her touch. The reaction was amusing to her, but she held back her teasing for now.

“....Were you expecting something different?” the question left your mouth before you knew it, you weren’t sure why you asked that.

Vautour Bleu simply hummed, “Whatever do you mean, little Chief?~”

“The scars.... did they surprise you?”

Her hands stopped for massaging for a second before she moved them down near your waist, you also felt her lean close, so much so that her warm breath brushed past your ear.

“Perhaps, a little. But, just to assure you, I don’t find them unsightly. I know you are different from the officials at the Outland Affairs Bureau, even the FAC- that’s the reason I even proposed the deal. I suppose I still underestimated you a little.... can you blame me for that?~”

“No, it’s okay.... You aren’t the first one to be surprised. I guess I appear like someone who just sits behind a desk all day, haha~” you feigned a laugh to lighten the atmosphere but Vautour didn’t buy it. She parted your hair to the side and pressed herself to your body, placing her head near the crook of your neck and resting her face on your shoulder.

“That’s not the case. I have done my research on you now; I know all the work you have done for DisCity. It’s my own preconceptions that are a little difficult to break....”

Her hushed voice flew past your ear, sending more shivers down your body. Her hands slowly wrapped around your waist and she placed a kiss behind your ear, earning a startle from you.

“Would you like to know the real reason I came to stay here tonight?”

You didn’t expect her to bring this up but were equally curious to know hence nodded.

“I have always travelled in the WhiteSands with my caravan, staying in makeshift homes before Desir came along. In no time, I made it my hideaway and a place to call home. Whenever my wings would get tired, I’d fly to Desir. After it’s fall, I was once again on the road all the time, drifting in the endless sands. Then you took me as your Sinner and gave me a place here. It is far less luxurious than my abode in Desir, but there is a strange sense of homely comfort here. I have not stayed for long, yet I find myself yearning to come back. After all, even a vulture needs a nest to fly to at the end of the day.”

She spoke in a whisper, making her words come out in a gentle and soft tone.

“Who would have guessed a bird would find solace in a cage?~”

You were surprised by her confession, perhaps she was much simpler to understand than you thought.

“....I’m glad that you see the bureau that way, you are always welcome to come here.”

She smiled and planted more kisses along your neck, “You are exceptional, little Chief. I have confidence that you will uphold our deal and not disappoint me. And these scars? Beautiful, they show your resilience. Never see it any other way. Now, shall we continue the massage? I can feel you are still very stiff in some places~”

You nodded, “Thank you, it felt nice to hear that....”

Vautour smirked to herself then placed her hands on your back like before, pressing down on the stiff spots and massaging them. Her soft hands massaged in a magical manner, draining all stiffness and fatigue from your muscles. You sighed in relief at some places, making her intrigued. She suddenly pressed down on your shoulder blade, earning a strangled moan from you.

“Ngh-!~”

Oh, how she loved that sound.

She found out your sensitive spots quickly, intentionally pressing on them harder than usual to make you moan and whimper.

“Aaahn-! Vautour, a bit softer, please....”

She smiled, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. This will relieve you~”

She slyly leaned closer to your back, making sure you wouldn’t feel her presence. You merely felt her breath brush past your ear and didn’t think much of it. Her finger again traced over a scar near the middle before she wrapped her hand around your nape and massaged it, your head automatically arching into her palm.

“Aaah.... yes, that part pains a lot....” you muttered in breathy moans.

“Very stiff your body is....” her voice suddenly drew close to your ear, and you finally realized how close she was sitting. Her clothed breasts pressed on your back and her lips touched your ear, warm breath tingling it.

“Why don’t you delegate some work to other staff? You have an Adjutant, don’t you?”

“Nightingale already handles many things, most of this work can only be done by me....”

“Hmm, I see~” she hummed in a low voice.

She moved her hands down to your lower back and made gentle circles on your waist.

“Do you plan to work more after this?”

“Mhm, likely for an hour.”

As you spoke that, you felt her hands wrap around your waist again, but this time her fingers traced teasing patterns on your abdomen right above the waistline of your pants as if suggesting something.

“Why don’t I help you loosen up in another way then?~”

“W-What? Are you suggesting what I think you are....?”

Vautour smirked and rested her face on your shoulder, drawing her lips near your cheek.

“And what are you thinking? Do tell me, my little Chief~”

Her fingers kept teasing over your belly, tracing some of the scars and daring to go lower.

“N-Nothing, I’m fine now. Thank you for the massage, I’ll continue my work-!

“Shh~” she hushed in your ear before dragging her lips to plant a kiss on your cheek.

“You still look quite tense. Let me help you, ma chèrie~”

“Vautour.... mmh.... you don’t have to....”

Your gaze lowered to where her hands were, watching them rub up and down on your stomach while her slender, long fingers teasingly slipped under your pants occasionally.

“I want to. I have been so intrigued by you since the day we met in Desir, how I have longed to see you in this state~”

She continued whispering in your ear in a low voice, your body shivering from the sensations. You could barely resist her touch every time, it felt like she had cast some spell on you with just her presence. How could you deny this moment?

“....If the great Ms Vautour Bleu is so eager to offer her services, then who am I to refuse?~” you tried to tease back, not wanting to appear too pliable in her hold.

“Hehe, we’ll see who’s the eager one here, little Chief~”

Her fingers wasted no time to unbutton your pants, effortlessly opening them in a single tug. Her left arm wrapped around your torso to keep you in place, your body automatically leaning back at her and she seemed to welcome it. Her right hand now slipped beneath your pants, rubbing your core over your underwear.

“Oh, what do we have here? Seems you have been anticipating this with how wet you are~” she husked, feeling amused at your arousal.

“No, t-this is....” you tried to counter back, but had no excuse.

“Shh, don’t make things hard for yourself. I know what you have wanted since that day~” she lightly bit your ear, eliciting a whine from you.

You expected her to make you wait more and continue teasing you, but she already began slipping her hand in your underwear and softly caressed your folds.

“My, so wet for me already? I haven’t even touched you properly, ma chèrie. Was it the massage that made you this way, hm?~

“N-No, not the massage....mmh~”

She pulled you a little closer to herself, now making you rest on her body completely. Her slender fingers made their way over your vulva, simply touching here and there with soft motions as if caressing a delicate flower. It reminded you of the way she used to tend to the datura in her balcony, careful and lovingly. Her thumb rubbed your clit in slow circles, not giving you too much pleasure at once in order to extend the time. Her index finger now made its way over to your hole, slipping in just the tip as if to test you.

“Look, how tight you are around here.... Already clenching me when I haven’t even gone deep~”

Your eyes lowered as if on command, looking at the way her slim and long finger touched you everywhere yet nowhere at once. It was exactly her way of doing things, be it business negotiations or simple conversations. She parted your folds with her index and ring finger then finally inserted her middle finger inside, producing a squelching sound as your walls accommodated her. Your head threw back with a moan on her shoulder as she went deeper, giving her the chance to lick up your neck in response.

“That’s it.... let’s ease this tightness, shall we?~” she whispered against your skin.

Her movements were slow and calculated as she took her time to explore you inside, the tip of her finger caressing every crevice of you. She gracefully traced your walls, teasing along the spots where you gave unique reactions, but not giving them any more attention than normal. You simply yielded to her deliberately slow touch submissively, taking deep breaths to hold your composure. Vautour intently noted your every reaction, her finger consistently exploring to find your most sensitive spots all the while edging you closer to release.

“Aaah.... Vautour.... C-Could you....” you tried to tell her to finally touch you more, to do it where you want it the most but were reluctant to beg.

“Hmm, what’s that, my little Chief? Care to repeat it?~” of course, she knew what you wanted, but she was intent on making you say it.

“C-Could you.... ngh.... move t-there....haaah~”

She smirked to herself and leaned near your face, pressing her cheek to yours.

“Could you be more specific? I’m afraid your directions aren’t clear right now~”

You bit your lower lip, desperately holding back from saying what she wanted to hear.

“You know I can bring you anywhere in the world, so why don’t you help us both and make it clear where you want me?~”

If her touch wasn’t already making you overwhelmed, her hushed voice flying so close to your ear would certainly do the trick. The combined effect of them was ethereal on you. Vautour expected you to give in long ago, but she was ready to play this dance with you for as long as you wanted. Perhaps she felt excited herself, to find someone keeping up with her.

“A-Ah.... fuck.... you know what I m-mean.... mmh~”

“Tsk tsk, such crude language doesn’t suit you, ma chèrie~”

She licked up your ear again then bit it with her lips, earning a startled whimper from you. Her left hand that was patiently holding you now started travelling up to your breasts, teasing your nipples through your bra. You held your lower lip in your teeth tighter, threatening to draw blood but she didn’t let you as she swiftly held your jaw and pulled it to the side to kiss you. Your eyes widened in surprise at the sensation of her soft, plump lips on yours.

“Oh? My, you just clenched me even tighter. Hehe, was the kiss so stimulating? I merely did it to save your delicate lips~”

You looked into each other’s eyes before lowering your gaze to her tempting heart-shaped lips, passion burned inside her with the urge to take you and she kissed you once again. A smoky taste travelled in your mouth before being replaced by a sweet, cherry-like flavour. Her tongue licked up your lower lip and easily parted it to enter your mouth, dancing your tongues together in slow and intimate movements. At the same time, she didn’t forget to stimulate your insides with her finger. You didn’t realize when she slipped in a second finger, easily pushing it through and touching more places.

You moaned into the kiss from the sudden sensation of 2 fingers inside you, almost feeling a little stuffed with how tight it became. Vautour parted her lips to let you breathe, knowing she was going to make you breathless soon. Her left hand went back to touching your breasts, now slipping past the bra and lightly gripping your nipple with her fingertips. She suddenly increased the pace of her fingers buried inside you, scissoring them to touch all your sensitive spots at once. You gasped louder, tilting your head back and eyes rolling to the ends.

“Is this where you wanted me? Are you finally ready to reveal yourself, little Chief?~”

“Y-Yes.... please.... more.... r-right there!~”

You ended up begging her despite trying hard to resist, but it was no point in being stubborn. Vautour had the patience to play this game for long, you were the one on the losing end. The softness of her fingers grazing your sensitive spot was tantalizing, and her fingertips pressing as deep as they could- burying to the hilt- was mind wrecking. Your mind became hazy as you edged closer to release, chasing that sweet pleasure with her.

“Hmm.... close, aren’t you? Do you really think I’ll let you off so easily?~”

“Hng...! T-Time is essential to a merchant.... aahn.... you have more m-matters to attend to after this.... don’t you.... mmh!~”

“Hehe, while you are correct in that, you have missed one important detail in this exchange....”

She paused and came near your ear to whisper in her low, hushed voice, “When it comes to you..... I have all the time in the world, ma chèrie~”

Her words caused you to become tighter, practically clenching her fingers in a vice grip and making it difficult for her to move. She chuckled at the way your body reacted to her, finding it enjoyable how easy to bend you were yet showed strong willpower.

“Oh, seems like you want to keep me here for longer as well. I don’t mind, we have all night to spend. I can assist you with your work tomorrow, dear Chief~”

“N-No.... aaah.... that’s not what I.... mmh.... m-meant~”

“Then you should clarify.... make me understand what you want~”

She moved her fingers awfully slow now, denying the pleasure you wanted. Your body arched off as you tried to seek friction, rutting your hips into her hand to make her touch where you wanted. Vautour’s eyes hooded at your desperation, her cruel façade breaking as she felt you didn’t deserve this reprieve.

“Helping yourselves now? You know it would be so much easier if you just give in and ask for my help~”

She was right, you couldn’t continue this for long. Your vision was becoming cloudier by the minute, heart racing faster at every bump of her fingers against your insides.

“P-Please.... Vautour.... touch me more.... I need you!~”

A victorious smirk adorned her lips seeing you finally accept it. She tilted your head back and pressed her lips to yours while beginning to thrust her fingers in and out at a consistent pace. You moaned into the kiss before letting go with a gasp and whining, coming closer to release.

“That’s it, little Chief.... Cum for me, show me how you come undone~”

She kissed your cheek and down your neck as you arched up, rutting along with her fingers and grazing all the right spots.

“Yes, ma chèrie.... you are close, aren’t you? Do it.... cum for me, make a mess on my fingers~”

She encouraged you further, feeling aroused from your state. She wanted to see the sight badly; watch you crumble in her hold. You body jerked up with a loud moan when you finally released, the knot in your stomach snapping. Your essence pooled around her fingers as she kept them inside for a while, relishing the warmth of your walls and essence. She finally pulled them out with a squelch, watching as it dripped down her fingers before gazing at your defeated state.

“How delightful.... You are truly one of a kind, little Chief~”

She praised before leaning down to kiss you gently. She pulled out the handkerchief in your pants’ pocket and wiped her hand while you sat up and composed yourself, buttoning up your pants and wearing your shirts.

“Thank you, that felt really good....” you said shyly with a blush.

Vautour leaned in and placed the used handkerchief in your shirt’s pocket then gently gripped your shoulder, her face merely inches away.

“If you truly want to thank me then.... return the favour someday, dear Chief~”

You blushed more but nodded, “I promise, any time you want....”

She softly smiled then pecked your lips and stood up, putting on her blue coat again and picking up her pipe then making her way out of your office. She turned to look back at you one last time when she reached the door and saw you looking at her as well, your eyes locked in. With a simple tilt of her head and wave of her pipe, she bid farewell to you.

“Keep in touch, little Chief~” were her parting words.

[flowersforthemachines]

Wip Wednesday (featuring post-canon Rookanis divorcees)

Recently got into thinking about all the ways Rook and Lucanis could burn and crash post-canon. And also of Lucanis's banter about putting Wardens out of their misery at the end of their Calling at their requests. And so the idea of him agreeing to do the same for Rook despite them not seeing each other for a while was born.

(Bellara is there because I have a headcanon of blighted!Bellara joining the Wardens after the events of the game. if you get it you get it)

“How did you know I was there?” he asked. “In the Eluvian room.” “Oh, I didn't know it was you, precisely," Bellara replied. "But I felt the Eluvian’s magic so I knew there'd have to be someone. Like a guest.” “Or an assassin.”  “We haven't had those in a few years,” she laughed. “Which is good. I don't miss almost getting stabbed. Or poisoned.” Lucanis, if I can have one last request: please make our break-up at least somewhat public among the Crows. I've had too many dealings with assassins who want to get at the First Talon through me.  “And they kept spooking the griffons.” Bellara scoffed.  “How are the griffons these days, by the way?” he asked.  Why. Won't you. Ask about. Rook?  “Good. Better. Bigger. You can't believe how big they can grow until you see it. I'm not sure if even I believe that, and I've been here the entire time.” He couldn't pay any mind to the halls they walked through — his concentration worked only to keep himself together. All he could do was walk forward. It felt like the tiniest slip could be his undoing.   “And how are the Crows?” Bellara asked in a way that begged to fill the silence.  “Betrayal, succession feuds, assassination. You know, the usual.” “I don't think it's usual,” she mused. “Not for most of the world anyway.” Ask. Her. About— “How’s Rook?” The words burst out of him like a dog breaking off a leash.  Bellara stopped.  “Bad.” Back turned towards him, she continued, “I almost said that you can imagine, but you can't, I guess. Not like I can. The Blight, it's… It's a lot. Too much by now. When it's over, it's… It will be a relief. For her.” She let out a shaky breath and turned around. “So thank you. For coming.” We. Will. Help.  “Death is my calling, after all,” he said. “It’s what I do best.”

[isagispuzzle]

CONGRATS ON 200 🤍 you deserve that and so much more !!

for your event, even tho it's rlly hard to pick just one trope, i would say that the second chances trope has been one of my recent favs lately!

HEHE THANK YOU NISHIII anyway are you in my walls.... because i've been thinking about doing a part 2 for my oliver angst piece like this timing is too perfect HAHAHA

oliver might have played it cool when his teammates found your makeup bag, but now, his heart is about to explode.

it hasn't been long since you moved out of his life. he found your makeup bag in his backpack the day after you left, but he didn't reach out to you till a month later. he told himself it's to give you time to rebuild a routine without him, to let your heart start to miss him a little before he re-entered your space. of course, he knows that's just an excuse, and he only hesitated to text you because he wanted to hold onto the remnants of you for just a little longer.

oliver doesn't fear much, but when his thumb hovered over the send button on his phone, it trembled at the prospect of giving up this last piece you've left him with, the last relic of your love.

yet, despite his selfish reluctance, he arranged to meet you at a cafe to return your makeup bag, because he knows how much the earrings inside mean to you.

(did he hurt you enough for you to give up retrieving a piece of your heart just to avoid speaking to him again?)

he reaches the cafe at four on the dot, like you agreed to. he scans the room and is surprised to see a jarring lack of you. you're not at the counter, nor at the window seat you loved, nor at the shelf on the inner wall, admiring the owner's memorabilia from across the globe. so he finds himself choosing the table, staring at an empty seat in front of him, without any sign of you.

barely a minute passes and his leg starts bouncing restlessly under the table. oliver checks his texts to see nothing new from you. he looks out the window just to see a new wave of strangers exiting the subway station, and when he doesn't see you in the crowd, he starts to pick at the nail on his thumb. his thoughts start to race. oliver wonders if he's been stood up. he doubts you'll ever break a promise with him, but what's to say that hasn't changed, now that he's no longer someone special to you?

oliver's palms start to sweat and he feels his pulse in his neck. this sucks, he thinks. he hates feeling like this. like he's grovelling for your scraps, like he's hanging off every little thing that could be related to you. he's always been the one to care less, the one with nothing to lose, the one who left the other begging for more.

yet here he is, breathing the biggest sigh of relief when you finally show up, five minutes past the agreed time. you're straight faced and composed, and you haven't done anything to your hair. in the fleeting moment when you walk past oliver, he notices that you smell different.

"you're early," you say as you sink into your seat, and his stomach drops.

you're echoing his words back to him, from back when he'd turn up late for dates and never utter a word of apology.

oliver sees the satisfaction billowing in your eyes. he recalls all the times there were tears in them instead, when you'd beg him to love you more.

(which, he never understood why you ever doubted his love for you, because you're the only one he's ever held onto for this long. you're the only one he could truly be himself with, the only one he never got bored with, the only one he wanted to build his life with. you're the only one he's ever truly loved.)

it's only when oliver catches himself apologising for everything he's done to you and promising he'll do better that he finally realises you were never a gamble to him. there was never any doubt that you're the one for him, and there was never any chance that he'll truly let you go. you were never a gamble to him, but a promise, which he now swears to keep like a vow.

you might be repeating the mistake of letting oliver into your life. but you see the sincerity in his eyes and the desperation in his words, and you convince yourself that he's learnt from his mistakes. the walls you prepared around your heart for this day crumble when you realise they had only kept him in your heart, not out.

so you reach out a hand for him to take, a peace treaty and a warning, a second chance and an ultimatum.

instead of the red string of fate, oliver sees a thin, translucent fishing line around your pinky and down his throat, because you've got him hook, line, and sinker.

[fohatic]

did i actually write a combined total of 27.7k in the weeks leading up to the @cap-ironman holiday exchange that i previously told myself i would steer clear of this year (10k of which was a last-minute HuCow fic written over 2.5 very frantic days before the deadline)? why yes, as a matter of fact -- even if i may have tried to (loosely) disguise myself as other beloved writers ( @meidui and @carsonian perhaps? at least in terms of spelling/formatting!), all of which was for naught because apparently nobody even attempted to guess these, anyway 🙃 (tbf there were *a lot* more submissions than i expected, which is the main reason why i rolled up my sleeves and dove into the prompt list in the first place; the collection appeared to have only 23(?) works submitted in the early days after the exchange deadline, which made me think that a bunch of people dropped out!! oops).

here's the five works that i submitted, for your consideration:

Be Good (For Goodness' Sake!) (9.1k holiday romcom / endgame fix-it in which steve as Hot Santa is both a Problem and a Solution)

yours, always (5.8k historical au in which tony and steve met during the war and were lovers before steve married peggy; their son finds steve's letter to tony after his death)

Prima Nocta (2.7k alpha steve/omega tony, jealous/possessive steve claiming tony on the night of his wedding to pepper for spurious 'pack dynamic' reasons)

on that ship he had a cow (9.9k HuCow!Steve / aliens-made-them-do-it / 2012-era mission-gone-wrong fic with BDSM vibes [think: 'not in kansas anymore' meets 'if love is a jungle' 😉])

any way the wind blows (fanvid that answers the prompt: "Steve Rogers and who the world expects him to be as Captain America are very different" but make it stony <3)

*note that i'm posting this during a fire weather power outage and have a lot of comments/kudos to leave on other works in the event (and replies to leave on my precious few comments!) as soon as i can <3 i've been laying low!

[catandthewell-if]

Are you doing okay?

Hello!

Thank you for asking! I am doing okay! The last few months of 2024 were... very eventful for me, to say the least! LOL

Just a few highlights include:

- Getting a new job IRL

- Getting into a car crash and totaling my car

- Having to quit said new job because of physical therapy scheduling conflicts (thanks to said crash)

- The Holidays (tm)

- Acquiring and dealing with a lawyer (for said crash)

- My friend's in-laws passing away 1 week before Christmas and the day after New Year's Day.

- Trying to find a new job and acquire a new car

So... yeah. I've had a bit of a rough go at things since November, but I'm still here! If I get the chance, I'll post a "Where I'm At" post regarding my WIPs.

But, hey, thanks for asking! I'm sure this wasn't the update you were expecting, but I appreciate it, anyway! ❤️

[sapphires-and-silver-linings]

Half-Life | Chapter 5 Teaser

Here is a teaser for chapter 5. It has been like a year and a half since I last updated Half-Life, my god. My life has changed so much in that time (I graduated college, had health issues I'm still dealing with, struggled to find a job in my field so I'm now a nanny, had a breakup after being on and off for 6 years), but I was always going to come back to this story. If nothing major changes, once I finish this chapter, I will officially be halfway finished with this fic!

Masterlist

--------------------

Leon woke before you did, curled around Wolfie’s sleeping form. He stilled for a moment when he came to, the events of the previous night rushing back to him.

To ease his worry, he listened for Wolfie’s heartbeat to greet his keen ears. He let out a sigh of relief when the dog’s heart pattered strong and slow in his slumber, his rib cage expanding with a deep breath.

Leon then sat up, looking over to find you asleep on the couch in the same position he left you. You looked so peaceful, so serene. So beautiful.

Before he could stop himself, he crawled over to kneel next to your blanket-covered body and reached out his claws tentatively, stroking your hair that had fallen into your face. You stirred slightly but you didn’t wake, letting out a soft exhale. His palm remained where it laid upon the side of your head for a moment before he finally retracted it, knowing he was pushing his luck touching you like that.

He cringed when the memory of how he had gotten off to the thought of you came unbidden to his mind, a grimace forming on his monstrous face.

He didn’t deserve you, in any capacity, and that was more apparent now than ever after all you had done for him in the short time you’d been in his life.

For a moment, he considered what he might do if he were still human, if he had met you under normal circumstances—a world where he could ask you on a date, where he could kiss you freely, where he could give you even a fraction of what you’d given him.

He should’ve known better than to dwell on what-ifs. This was his reality: a lonely, miserable existence where he was this terrifying creature trapped within the confines of this abandoned village, and that was never going to change.

While still lost in his thoughts, you awoke, blinking at him to clear your bleary eyes.

“Hey…” you started, reaching out to touch his shoulder, the feeling of your warm hand soaking through the fabric of his shirt.

“Hey,” he replied, voice rough. “You sleep okay?”

“As well as anyone can on a sofa, I guess,” you responded with a quiet laugh. “Did you pass out on the floor?”

“Yeah, but I’m used to it.” Leon shrugged to dispel the sternness in your tone. “Besides, I wanted to be right next to Wolfie in case anything happened.”

Your expression seemed to soften at that, offering a small smile. “Makes sense. Hope you got some rest, at least. You needed it.”

Leon simply nodded in confirmation, silence falling over you as you both looked at Wolfie.

You got up slowly from the sofa, stretching out and popping your aching limbs as a yawn overtook you. “We should change his bandages soon.”

“Yeah, good idea,” he agreed distantly. You didn’t comment on his morose demeanor despite the furrow of your brows, and he was thankful.

The rest of the day was a quiet one, spent managing Wolfie’s injuries and cleaning up the mess made by the fiasco that was the previous night, mud and blood staining the floor and some of the furniture.

The rain returned as the sun began to set. You had both woken up well after noon due to your all-nighter, so there wasn’t much day left to be enjoyed anyway.

As you prepared yourself dinner, Leon ate the last of his fish and stirred a new fire in the hearth, the chill of yet another storm seeping into the room.

The relative silence between you wasn’t uncomfortable. The both of you just simply had a lot on your minds.

However, you seemed to liven up after your meal, returning to your usual chipper self. Leon liked you better this way. You always managed to lift his spirits.

“So…” you drawled as the two of you sat beside each other on the sofa, heating up near the fire, “why don’t I read you something? You know, just to pass the time.”

Leon chuckled at that. “What did you have in mind? Not more of that crappy vampire novel, I hope.”

“Well, maybe I could read The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Oooh, or Frankenstein?” you teased him.

Leon rolled his eyes and scoffed in faux offense, the idea of you reading him tragic stories about monsters not appealing to him in the slightest. “Never mind, I’d rather stick to the stupid vampire book. Might actually lighten the mood.”

“Ah, you think teen angst is amusing, do you?” you replied with a playful grin as you retrieved the novel.

“Only when it’s this ridiculous.” He returned your grin, grateful to be out of his own head for a while.

You tucked your legs beneath you when you sat down once more, beginning to read aloud from where you last left off. Leon simply watched you from his periphery, appreciating the curve of your cheek, the slope of your nose, the way your mouth moved as you spoke. He realized then that you could have been reading a damn math textbook and he would be content to simply listen to your voice and rake his eyes over your plush form.

A couple hours had passed when you finally closed the book, setting it on the cushion beside you as you looked over at Leon.

“Thoughts?” you asked with an impish smirk.

“Still sucks,” came his blunt reply. “That Edward guy is a creep. Bella should be steering clear of him. Why anyone would think this is a cute love story is beyond me.”

You laughed, a tinkling sound that warmed him more than the rippling fire. “Aw, come on, Leon. Where’s your sense of romance?”

“Died off ten years ago, I imagine,” he scoffed, the sound rough and sharp.

He regretted his harsh, self-pitying quip when he glanced over at you, seeing the smile fall off your face, replaced with a remorseful expression.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he interjected quickly, offering a wry grin. “Just a grouchy bastard these days.”

He felt relieved when your lips curved upwards once more, cursing himself internally for always ruining the moment with his wallowing, wondering how you could even put up with him.

“That does have me curious, though,” you started, looking almost sheepish. “Could I ask you a… personal question?”

“You can ask me whatever you want, I guess. Whether I answer is another thing altogether.” His eyes glinted playfully, though he braced for the inevitable discomfort of your probing.

“You said that you weren’t romantically involved with your friend Claire, right? But was there… someone else, maybe?”

Leon let out a huff of a laugh, shaking his head. “You want to know my dating history, do you?”

“Only if you’re willing to indulge me,” you responded, gnawing your bottom lip in embarrassment.

The sight of your teeth pressing into the soft flesh had him momentarily distracted, but he cleared his throat, looking away as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, you could say there was… someone. It wasn’t… fuck, how do I even explain it?” he grumbled to himself. “Her name was—is—Ada. The thing between us was intense, but it never went anywhere. We always seemed to be working on opposite sides. Makes things complicated, I’m sure you can imagine.”

“That sounds hard,” you told him, offering a sympathetic nod. “Did… Did you love her?”

The question caught Leon off guard, and his face snapped up to look at you with furrowed brows. “I…” he began, but then stopped short, letting out a deep exhale. “I think maybe I did.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

Leon barked out a laugh, drawing his hand over his face in wry amusement. “What is with these questions? It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I guess not,” you replied softly, staring into the fire. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Leon huffed, elbowing you teasingly. “To answer your question… I don’t really know how I feel anymore. I mean, that was a lifetime ago. Thinking about it just dredges up a whole boatload of shit I’d rather keep below the surface, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s fair.” You gave him a small smile before you paused, looking away from him thoughtfully for a moment. “Maybe… I could find her for you?”

Leon balked at that. “And what good do you think would come from that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you two could rekindle, I guess,” you replied, looking cowed by his reaction. “If that would make you happy…”

His chest clenched at your words. Christ, you were so impossibly sweet—naive to a maddening degree at times, but sweet. The idea of you going out of your way to search for Ada Wong of all people was almost comical. But beyond that, Leon didn’t want Ada to come here. Not only because he was a monster—one she would probably try to kill—but because you were really all he cared about right now, in the present. The only one he really desired.

He wasn’t going to admit that last part aloud, so he stuck with the first when he responded, “Sweetheart, look at me. You really think I could have some heartfelt reunion like this? I appreciate the intention there, but you have to admit that it’s kinda…”

“Stupid?” you finished for him, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah, maybe it is. I guess I forget that most people would freak out around you.”

“I think that’s an understatement,” he said with a light chuckle.

“I just thought… I don’t know… that if she felt the same way about you… it wouldn’t matter…”

“It wouldn’t matter?” he echoed, vexed by the very notion. “Of course it matters. No one in their right mind would just choose to look past this.” He gestured vaguely to himself. “This isn’t some disfigurement someone could accept… I’m not human anymore.”

“I’ve accepted you, haven’t I?” you asked quietly, a look of hurt crossing your precious features.

Leon let out a frustrated growl, closing his eyes. “Yeah, but you’re different. The world isn’t like you. And hell, maybe it should be, but it’s not. It’s violent, and it’s scary, and it’s ugly…” he paused for a moment, letting out a breath. “Like me.”

There’s a silence that stretched out between you after his outburst, and he refused to look at you, staring instead at the flickering flame licking the scorched stone of the hearth.

“You’re right,” you finally said. “I’m not like most of the world. But neither are you.”

He deigned to glance your way and called your name as if to argue, but you held up your hand to stop him.

“You’re not like them because you’re good, Leon,” you murmured, voice small but resolute. “You’re kind, and you’re loyal, and you’re fiercely protective. So I don’t agree with how you see yourself. Not one bit. And if the people you left behind care about you even a fraction of how much you still care about them, they wouldn’t either.”

He said your name again, this time more of a whisper, as he looked directly at you. His mouth went dry as he took in the determined set of your jaw, the fire in your eyes having nothing to do with the flames dancing before you. He didn’t know how to respond, only able to stare at you and wonder how he got lucky enough to have you in his life at all.

“And another thing,” you started, your features shifting into more of a teasing grin to ease the tension, “I don’t think you’re ugly.”

The guffaw that left Leon’s throat was nothing short of thunderous, surprising the both of you and startling Wolfie from where he lay on his dog bed.

“I’m serious!” you exclaimed, your voice earnest despite the smile on your face. “You’re very handsome. As far as cryptids go.”

“You might be the strangest woman I’ve ever met,” Leon responded, though there was only fondness in those piercing red eyes. “I don’t understand you, not one bit.”

You let out a soft chuckle, shaking your head in amusement. “Most people don’t.”

“Well… maybe I’d like to,” he murmured, the humor from the moment fading into something far more intimate. “Could you clue me in?”

You looked at him with a surprised expression, then glanced at the fire to collect your thoughts. “Yeah, sure. Okay…” There was a long pause before you started to speak again, voice low, “The truth is, I guess I know how you feel. To a degree. Feeling like an outcast, I mean. Being treated like a freak. I’ve always been… looked at funny. Between my weird personality and interests that most people think are annoying or creepy… and the fact I’m a bigger woman who lives in a world that believes being overweight is some kind of moral failing… I spent a lot of time alone as a child because of that. And as a teen, I never got to be seen as pretty or desired. I thought I was just… inherently broken, I guess. Unwanted. Unlovable.”

Leon felt a slow, simmering rage begin to bubble up inside him at the very notion of you being mistreated, especially for the things he found the most endearing about you. How anyone could look at you and not see an angel, he wasn’t sure.

Before he could interject, however, you continued on, “I know that’s not true now. I mean, I grew up, found people like me. I’ve had a few relationships. But… I know what it’s like to be lonely simply for being what you are.”

“You didn’t deserve that,” Leon muttered darkly. “All of those people were just blind idiots. For one, I think your personality is interesting.” He paused a moment, contemplating whether he should admit the next part before deciding to go ahead, “And I think you’re beautiful, too. As is.”

If Leon could snap a photo in his mind’s eye of how you looked in that moment—a bashful expression paired with a bright smile—he would keep it in his pocket to look at every day for the rest of his life. 

“Thank you, Leon,” you replied quietly.

“No need to thank me for being honest,” he responded with a noncommittal shrug. “And I appreciate you trying to relate to me. I can definitely see where you're coming from a bit better now. But I still gotta ask… Why chase after monsters specifically, huh?”

“I don't know… I guess it started when I first heard the urban legend of the Jersey Devil. A child born a monster, through no fault of his own, cast out by his family to haunt the woods forever… Maybe I seek out monsters not just because of the thrill, but because I empathize with them.”

“You might have a few screws loose, bunny,” Leon said, letting out a chuckle, “but you have a big heart.” He stopped, rubbing his clawed hand over his face wearily. “Doesn’t change the fact you’re tempting fate, though. You need to be more careful. Just ‘cause you feel for a monster, doesn’t mean it’ll feel for you.”

“You do.”

--------------------

Masterlist

[voidboxed]

Day 3: growth

To watch you grow was a blessing

[tumbly-s]

Trigun body horror week day 5 — LIMBS

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

almost january which means it's almost st sebastian's feast day which means it's almost light yagami's death day which means it's almost february which means it's almost valentine's day which means im six months behind on all of my projects