#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->

[carmineskiesandspidereyes]

A Softer Trigun, part 13/?

pt. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

[heksen-sabbat]

ryder being rude as hell in the script version only compilation

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

[everymlmhybrid]

this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think

[meteorella]

Nerdgasmic Rhapsody

pairings: loser!dom!ellie x popular!sub!reader

cw: flufff!! ellie's an absolute cutie pie. cursing (obv), oral! (r receiving), tribbing (maybe?), nipple play, after caree!!, pet names: sweetheart, baby, princess, that's all i think!

wc: 511

a/n: (intentional lowercase!!!) first ever ficcc omg🥹 i have never ever in my life written a fanfic before so pleaseee don't judge and also feel free to point out some mistakes and stuff!! I take criticisms as i'm sure it'll help me a lot throughout my writing journey :))) can't promise I'll post consistently considering I'm insanely dumped with school works but I'll definitely find time to do so. anyways i hope u guys enjoy this one!! Feel free to hit me w some ideaaasss :3

after you had made it official with the biggest dork on campus—ellie—people would randomly come up to you in the hallways and tease you, not believing how sweet she actually is. after all of your previous relationships, ellie is the only one who genuinely cared for you. despite her shy and nerdy demeanor, she's really fun to hang out with. she'd continuously yap about space, the comic books she's read—savage starlight—and drop all of its lore to you. the whole fucking lore. although you hardly cared. she was too adorable. most of the time, you would find yourself just looking at her sparkling green eyes, topped by her matte, black glasses, her hand gestures, and the soft smile plastered on her lips while she speaks. she's even more beautiful up close. how could others not see that? whilst ellie can be a total cutie pie, you cant deny how fucking insane she can be in bed.

when eating you out, she'd flick her tongue out relentlessly on your leaking hole. firmly gripping on to your thighs, she already knows your next motive. "nuh-uh, sweetheart. keep them open for me." she shoots you a knowing glare before diving back into your drenched core, keeping eye contact all the while. her gaze roamed over your appearance, hair disheveled, eyes rolled back, and completely fucked out. "s-sorry, baby–fuck." you moaned as you clutched onto her dino-printed sheets. so fucking cute. after you'd climaxed for the 3rd time, she'd climb on top of you and slip her tongue down your throat, allowing you to taste yourself as she grinded her own throbbing cunt against yours. your soaking wet pussies rubbing, and creating the most delicious rhythm together. she absolutely loved your boobs. she adored how it just bounces up and down as she rolled her hips above you. she took your nipple in between her thumb and her index finger and pinched them, making you flinch at the feeling. her glasses were all fogged up and crooked, but she couldn't care less. she was too engrossed on drawing out more of those angelic sounds that slips past your lips as she pleases you. "doing s–so good f'me, princess... fuck–so hot." when you had both finally reached your peak, she'd lean down and gently clean up all your juices from between your thighs with her tongue.

she gives absolutely the best aftercare imaginable. the routine would start with cleaning you up with a wet towel, swiping it's soft material across your face, your breasts, your legs, your inner thighs—she had always taken care of you in the most tender and loving way. she loved hearing your soft, exhausted sighs of relief, as you watch her with a smile on your face all while savoring the chocolate she so graciously offered you. after ellie finishes cleaning you up, she would settle beside you, enveloping you in her arms as she wrapped them around your waist. her lips showering your neck with gentle kisses as she whispered heartfelt words of affection. "i'm going to marry you one day."

YAAALLLL OMG I HOPE THIS DIDN'T SUCK TOO HARD😣😣😣🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 i hope u guys enjoyed this one, i really enjoyed writing thisss!!

tags: @ellstronaut

dividers: @khaer @plutism

[artilite]

ohhhh my gogfh. oh my good gracious ohh man. oh stars oh gems etc etc etc sorry for the spam on your lion dance post i didn’t realize until after going INSANE over it that it’s from like five months ago but again i. i saw it and went insane. genuinely one of my favourite things any isat creator has done to date thank you SO MUCH for the joy and whimsy im running up the WAAAALLS

NOOO NEVER APOLOGIZE I WAS SO SO HAPPY SEEING YOUR TAGS-- it's always a delight seeing other lion dance enthusiasts bc they feel so few and far between :') THANK YOU SO MUCHH AJDHAK !!! also OOF, PASSAGE OF TIME? i promised myself i'd properly revisit lion dance isat one day.. perhaps soon.....

i hope you don't mind me piggybacking off this ask to share my reasoning for their roles :^) i realize i never shared it anywhere JSDHSF (long post under cut) (there's art i promise)

the lion: siffrin and isa!! of course!! The base of a lion usually needs to be strong and steady, traits that fit isabeau very well :) i think he'd also appreciate being reliable/having to be relied on so much, and supporting sif in putting themselves out there in performance. Siffrin also probably weighs like, nothing to him, so that's a plus LOL.

Siffrin would be the head, not only bc they're quick and agile, but also bc I think they'd give the lion a fun personality! I think having the costume to hide behind would help him come out of his shell more :] (and my personal hc is that the island is SE asian in some way, so a fun way to connect to his culture as well, even if he doesn't remember it </3)

i drew them with a fut san lion (just 'cause its easier for me LOL) but i think they'd perform hok san!

the buddha: loop... i think they'd appreciate the ability to look out for sif and isa and keep them safe, while also messing around and being part of the performance themself !! they'd love any opportunity to annoy siffrin anyway HSDJHSDF also something something... universe's cosmic joke being the comedic relief role......

drum: originally i gave the role of drummer to bonnie, but now i'd probably hand the role to either mirabelle, to carry over her leader position in the group, or odile, since she's the most senior member! definitely leaning towards mirabelle though. i like the idea of her being the heart of the party :)

other instruments: odile is on gong, based purely off of vibes. tell me odile wouldn't pop off with the gong. also, she's probably familiar with it already! bonnie gets symbols because that's JUST like banging pots and pans together, which i'm sure they have plenty of. honestly, they could just bang actual pots and pans together LOL. they'd have fun with it :)

[inkedberries]

Hey! Prefacing this by saying that this isn't meant to be an attack (which generally isn't a great way to start a message but I'd rather be clear about intentions) and more so genuine curiosity. Apologizing in advance for this being long; I have a tendency to overthink and overexplain.

I don't typically interact with fandom outside of like... carefully curated little microbiomes. As such I haven't really encountered the whole proship/anti shit with any amount of seriousness since probably around 2018. I personally don't put much stock into either of the terms because there's far too much grey area and for the fact that (as per my understanding) exist as ethical frameworks, and I don't care much for subscribing purely to a single framework to the exclusion of anything else in terms of personal ethics and morality. At most with friends we tend to colloquially refer to incest + pedophile ships as proships, because that's just sort-of what the term has evolved to mean most strongly (again, at least in the circles I run in). I don't consider myself anti or proship or whatever the fuck else, because I generally don't care to involve myself with that kind of fandom drama. I'll involve myself over like, matters of being anti-bigotry but the rest is just something I haven't wanted to deal with for 5-6 years. Tagging + filtering + block functions exist for a reason, and I don't need to do anything more than prevent my feed from showing me those things. I generally just hit block and move on with that kind of stuff, especially because I'm anti-censorship for a variety of reasons.

Tl;dr on that: proship/anti aren't terms I really use or subscribe to, because I feel like they oversimplify everything and conflate "drama". From my understanding, I agree with proship ideology (????) in the sense that I believe censorship only fucks over everyone, and that you can just block + filter and move on. But at the same time I see this overall conception that 'proship' means you support/condone/etc incest and pedophilia and so on, which I really truly don't. But there is this really heavy perception that proship = this person ships (usually) pedophilic or incestuous relationships. A bit reinforced for me typically because when something like that comes across my feed and I go to block the person, they generally have 'proship' in their bio. That to acknowledge that I do have some bias in that, even if I know it's a correlation/not cause thing. That all being (over)said (and I'm SO sorry again about how fucking long this is, my twitter TL is having a meltdown and I've avoided all this stuff for so long I don't know if I'm missing something? Because ethically on my end there's no reason for me to block or whatever outside of just the word proship...? Two minutes for a quick search as as far as I can tell you don't participate in anything against my own comfort/moral beliefs. so) I guess I'm asking what your definition of proship is for yourself and why people are jumping to this conclusion of dislike so instantaneously? Obviously you're under no obligation to educate me on what I presume is fucking YEARS of fandom history, nor respond publicly or even at all. I'm only asking you specifically because this is the first time I've encountered 'being proship' ≠ shipping pedophilia etc etc. I think maybe I came across it way back when as a middle schooler, but I'm not about to trust any of my opinions/recollections from when I was that age lmao. But anyways. Just genuinely curious and wanting to understand because I'm wary of reacting too-quickly just because other people are, and especially so if it's actually a total non-issue for me. Sorry again for the insane rambling in this lol

hello!! i hope you don't mind me prefacing this response too by saying to please read this out fully, if you don't agree with the starting points i've provided, i hope you still continue on reading until the end💙 i think @/frownyalfred best words the defense i would most likely stumble on if i give it a go at answering your question with my own words

and this was a post made in 2016 (where a lot of ppl say is the year anti-shippers started sprouting up) and this is honestly what i mean when i say i hate antis

if anything, antis just started the propaganda that all proshippers are incest lovers and pedophiles and people ate it up like cats who haven't had wet food in three weeks. as proven by your friend group using the term as such? that's wild to me that ppl use the term proship like that, i hope the case i'm making will change that for you and your friend group.

no, proship literally is anti-censorship. ship and let ship. antis gatekeep, police shippers and harass anyone who doesn't ship their ship the RIGHT way. and it's not just the ships you say are 'harmful' or 'immoral'. i've shipped a rarepair before and the fandom at large did not like me shipping a rarepair so they started calling me a pedophile bc i aged up said characters???????? they'll find anything and i mean ANYTHING to twist everything i say and do to make it seem like it's "okay" for me to be harassed and bullied. "oh it's okay that i'm telling this person to die because they're gross," yeah no that behavior is So Much More Normal than a person shipping two fictional characters the "wrong" way. AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP? ppl BELIEVED THEM LMAOOOO

and hey no sweat, i was like you once. i didn't define myself as proship or anti bc the real world exists but then in the one space i thought i'd be free from real life speculation and surveillance i get these anti policing assholes so yeah im a proshipper now lol just to get away from that bs. i honestly just want to have fun on here without judgement but i can't even have that lol that's why im all about blocking/muting.

you say your tl is having a meltdown? well shit, they're probably calling me names on there too. probably throwing out baseless accusations without fact checking bc i'm lowlife enough not be respected or given the decency of a fact check? or saying my art wasn't good anyway? bc gatekeeping their precious kudoichi is so much more righteous, top priority that they start slandering a real life person, right? no no no one disgusting should be touching or shipping our precious kudoichi lmao i hope you see how Not Right this is. kinda makes me feel sick for real lol

and i hope you understand how harmful this is not just to my mental state but my livelihood as an artist as these people would just start policing their fellow fans and just tell them not to support or view my art because im a 'proshipper' not even that, they'd probably just straight up say i support incest and pedophilia which are?????? such STRONG accusations to make????????? now they're just buzzwords. BUZZWORDS for antis to use to defame and cancel an artist! a real life person. over their precious fictional characters. over their precious kudoichi. oh man it makes it so much more stupid if i specify the ship, what is wrong with people sometimes😭

but hey im all about blocking and muting and unfollowing if you don't like my stuff i'm 100% for that but i hope they do it on their own terms. their own thinking. not because someone told them to.

and i dunno man that behavior of not even letting their 'friends' think for themselves, that they'd bash them too if they support me, my art, kinda seems like grooming don't it? or nah no im just looking into it. it might not be that deep. but i really yeah that's why i hate antis and why im more proship.

but hey i appreciate you even taking the time to come to me in the first place and uhhh idk i hope you found what you were looking for and that i answered your bit of curiousity there!

[iiboronii]

YOUR MINDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. Every time I see you worldbuild it's so magical. It's Onceler theorist summer and I'm LOVING IT!!!!!

Now for my commentary on the confneection building because of COURSE I’m enthralled by this. Before we get started, I’m super sorry for how long this post is </3 I got carried away thinking LOL. 

Unfortunately the link to the actual blueprint isn't working for me (it be like that sometimes), but I assume it's this post of Mr. Onceler's blueprint? Shoutout to Miru for still being here after 12 years btw. (AND YES WHEN HE’S BRAINSTORMING HIS PLANS??? <33333333333)

I cannot believe that man created an ENTIRE building for thneed based foods. Or just sweets maybe? In the 2012 version, that man is a FIEND for sweets, so I wouldn't be surprised if he just wanted to eat thneed based sweets and therefore made a whole building about it. Since thneed treats of all types were available in the 1972 version, I'm going to assume they were available in the 2012 version, too, and that the confneection building was named because Onceler was like "ooh look at my creative wordplay!"

I NEED to know how thneed food is made so bad now that you bring this up. Do we think truffula tufts are edible raw and unprocessed and just not very tasty? Or do we think they HAVE to be made into thneeds (much like how stinging nettles have to be cooked/heated in some way to become safe) before being consumed? What about the process of making a thneed turns it into the perfect base for making foods? SO MANY QUESTIONS-

The amount of processing a truffula tuft needs to become edible reminds me of the organic chemistry synthesis experiments I've had to do (some are sooo beautifully simple, while others had me in the lab for an extra 30 minutes). Where do we think a thneed falls in a range of "it's easy as pie!" to "I'll be working late tonight" in terms of making them edible? I imagine the process is truffula tufts -> thneed (edible but not flavorful) -> thneed based food (edible and yummy, like the Onceler burgers and whatnot). Maybe they’re sold to restaurants wholesale, too, just like a restaurant buying other ingredients. So then we’ve got the confneection building for specifically Onceler made treats that come out of his factory, and then we’ve got other places putting their own spin on edible thneeds. That is, until he buys them out and they’re now just another Onceler owned chain. But then that begs the question, can normal people turn thneeds into foods? Or is it too complicated? “Try it in soup, it adds great zest” from the 1972 version of Everybody Needs A Thneed implies that it’s possible, but do we think they’d be easy for the average person to make? Does it depend on the recipe? As for what a thneed on its own tastes like, I think you're spot on with it being absorbant of other flavors and not having much of a taste on its own. Like I said earlier, "It tastes like bread without the crust" 100% makes me think of something that doesn't taste like much on its own. I imagine it being like pizza or bread dough, relatively tasteless until something flavors it. You can sure eat it, but it's so much better when you have something else with it or when you've done something else to it. And as for the texture thneeds look hairy and are made from truffula tufts so part of me HOPES they're processed to be... Less hairy before they’re made with the intention of being eaten. Maybe they'd be good for cotton candy if they're not processed to have a more palate friendly texture? The thought of what citizens of Thneedville are doing with parts of the truffula trees for food is SO FASCINATING TO ME. Butterfly milk extract as a new flavor IS SUCH A FUN THOUGHT???? I want to see people slowly transitioning from vanilla extract to butterfly milk extract. And I've been wondering about truffula fruits FOR FOREVERRR YOU GET ME <33. Because that in itself IS edible y'know? Imagine the profit the business could make by just selling truffula fruits. I imagine that they became like coconuts in the grocery store (seen as fancy and not an everyday fruit, but accessible nonetheless). People were probably making truffula fruit pies and hoping that they’d turn out good because if not then they just wasted a slightly uncomfortable amount of money. I’ve had the idea of truffula fruit perfume of some sort for awhile, I imagine it smells like butterfly milk. Or maybe the fruits smell different and more... Fruity? THNEEDBLR IS TAKING ME OUT BTW,,, I will be thinking about Thneedblr for the next eternity. I’m sure there were people making those blog recipe posts where they tell their life story and how the recipe came to be before posting the ACTUAL recipe. And back to the idea of vanilla extract being phased out for butterfly milk extract, I can just SEE people googling “butterfly milk extract substitutes” after reading one of those recipes and seeing vanilla extract appear as the top substitute. Some food snobs are probably like “there’s a veeeery slight difference in flavor" and don't shut up about it.

AND OF COURSE I HAD TO READ YOUR POST AND EVERYONE'S REPLIES ABOUT THNEED FOODS. I'M SO IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE'S THEORIES EVERYONE COME JOIN US FOR ONCELER THEORIST SUMMER!!!!!!! I loveloveLOVED the thoughts on greenwashing. I can see how the PR people would spin this into a "you're saving the animals!" narrative and I love it (not the greenwashing but the worldbuilding aspect LMFAO). Everyone in the confneection building would be hard at work trying to make thneed ice cream completely dairy free, just so that they’d be able to make claims of their product being vegan. Since you mentioned ice cream earlier, I feel like somehow the thneed would BECOME the base? I don’t know I’m not all that knowledgeable about ice cream making, but I think they’d find a way to do it. With enough money, anything is possible!

As for the last post you linked to, I SHARE THIS PERSON’S THEORY ABOUT TRUFFULA FRUIT PERFUME. WE ARE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH I LOVE IT HERE. I’m all for the Onceler using every part of the tree for profit. It’s all about profit but I’ve always held the belief that it’s best to use the whole resource if you can, so I really like the idea of the Onceler and his employees trying to find a use for every little part of the tree. Thinking about the trees being endemic??? Ohhh how devistating. Imagine not only getting blamed for the failing of an entire ecosystem, but wiping out a species of trees in their entirety. It's almost too painful to think about. AND HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THIS IN THE TAGS????

Here's a clickable link to the jars post those that want one (if anyone still happens to be reading). He's such an interesting man. Alcohol next to the cookie jar is SENDING ME LMFAOOO. AND THAT'S 100% TRUFFULA FRUIT SYRUP AND JAM IDC WHAT ANYBODY SAYS. His kitchen makes me think sooo hard. If thneeds didn't make it big he'd try and win his family's love by becoming a baker. Maybe he tried while at home but his family was unsupportive as always!

SORRY THIS WAS A WHOLE ESSAY but I had a LOT of thoughts about the Onceler and the confneection building. I could talk forever. So yeah in conclusion thneeds are yummy and everyone should eat them! :D

WAIT IIBORONII DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE CONFNEECTION BUILDING IN THE ONCELER'S BLUEPRINTS BECAUSE I'M SO ILL ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES OF THE CONFNEECTION BUILDING-

ALSO just the fact that thneeds are canonically both edible and smokeable according to the 1972 Everybody Needs a Thneed song is amazing to me aksjfsdlkf

NO EXPLAIN THIS RIGHT NOW PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE CONFNEECTION BUILDING LORE IS,,, ALSO HELP THAT LIVES SOOO RENT FREE IN MY HEAD. Like I literally hear "try it in soup, it adds great zest!" in my head sometimes and I'm like "the thneed WHAT?????" And the imagery of someone smoking a thneed?? Priceless. Aaaaaah I love oncelerposting it's my favorite summer activity

[catras-breakup-song]

how do you feel about the whole "you always wanted more" line that got cut? at first i was wondering why they did that because adora didn't want more until it made me think "huh, what if prime was just running on catra's memories and didn't actually know adora?" but i'm curious as to what you think

OH MY GOD I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS. i am such a sucker for the cut STC script. back in late 2020 & early 2021 i had a twitter layout based on “that little spot on the roof that only they knew about” because S3 is my favorite:

even better, i have another old twitter fancam saved from around that time too that used that screenshot of the script in the beginning. it was by the username yoosene but is now long gone, so i reuploaded it to imgur here (the hands part, i’m going insane…)!

anyway, as for interpretations, it was absolutely to manipulate & guilt-trip adora. i recently saw someone say (i don’t remember where though, sorry) that he was torturing both of them by setting up that nasty fight against both of their wills and had planned to kill catra all along — despite saying he wouldn’t right after she rescued glimmer and was imprisoned for it, in my opinion there was an unspoken “yet” even though he did technically say that word but you know what i mean; “you will be of use to me, and then everyone from your blighted planet, including yourself, will be destroyed.”

that’s the thing about what the show was trying to convey through her stay on prime’s ship via glimmer’s desperate pleas, isn’t it? her illusion of power was only ever temporary. once she no longer had anything of value to serve, what would she be worth? how could she have genuinely believed that he wanted to save her, of all living beings, from the curse of humanity & will of consciousness? what makes one individual different to an omnipotent god compared to countless others across the universe throughout space and time? i truly believe that he was subtly mocking her when he talked of her being “exalted, raised up above the other wretched creatures of [her] home world.”

i was actually trying to find another five by five takes quote about this, because mentioning them is always an obligation for me, but surprisingly i didn't really find anything about how catra had worked her way up to prime's recognized single subordinate (only that moment of reflection afterward, which is just this entire short video), and was under the false impression with a cocky & confident attitude that her position meant something for her safety & survival; i'm mostly referring to this moment:

the horde's the horde...even in space. as long as i'm of value to horde prime, i've got a place in this world. i can work my way up here, just like i did before.

actually y’know what… i’m going to tag @horde-princess because this is starting to dive into religious meta which is like… her whole gimmick thingy. we would be blessed (pun intended) to see your take on this writing that never made it to the show, if you haven’t given it already!

now this is veering too far off from the original point after getting sidetracked. the tone of those quotes in the alternate script is (fake) pity, and horde prime was entertained by the struggles of mere mortals. to make adora a failure of what she represented would surely force her to give up she-ra to him, because what would even be the point anymore of living up to expectations if she couldn’t save catra first & foremost (that’s something that she struggled with since initially leaving the horde over three years ago due to how catra made her feel about supposedly breaking their childhood promise… but it’s a story for another post)?

i don’t doubt that your thought process is at least partially right too though, anon. prime didn’t read adora’s mind thoroughly at any point, so it’s entirely possible that he just read off catra’s intense feelings of abandonment & betrayal. that being said, if he really did see all as he claimed, maybe he was able to recreate an objectively accurate collection of events and knows what really happened and what the intentions behind certain actions were. i also wonder if catra secretly knew deep down that adora’s defection wasn’t directly about her but just couldn’t admit it until she had time to deeply reflect on it during “corridors.”

i’ll leave this messy, unorganized post with an amazingly relevant gif set made by an editor whose work on here i really enjoy:

as i said a long time ago, you just had to be there on november 19th 2020 when that excerpt was released because the hype was crazy!

[crowleyholmes]

hi there chris! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! i love your art!) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘

Hiiii omg this is so sweet and means a lot to me, thank you! 🥺💕

I've been meaning to do a little end-of-the-year shoutout/love post for some of my favorite blogs, so I hope you don't mind if I use your ask as the perfect excuse!

I've had many fun years on tumblr, but this one has been extra special. Falling into the Good Omens fandom and meeting all of you amazing people has made this year so so SO much better than it otherwise would have been, so here are some special shoutouts (apologies, I'm sure this will get long, things like this tend to get away from me, so I'll put it under a read-more)

@majortomyourcurcuitsdead SASHA can you believe I was going to just send you an anon telling you that I think you're cool and leave it at that. Can you believe it. WELL thank Somebody you had your anon turned off and I had to expose myself in your dms because it feels like we just instantly connected about like 20 different things and haven't stopped talking since sskjdfhs anyway I'm so happy I met you you're so fun and so clever and so talented and so enthusiastic and I've only known you for like. What 2 months?? Ish? But I already love you so much <3

@lineffability !!! Line you are so *struggles to find words* you're just great is what you are okay. I feel like you are what happens when somebody takes a big cup and puts six shots of love, chaos, sunshine, talent, fun, and enthusiasm into it, generously sprinkles intelligence on top and gives it a good stir. I don't even remember how or when or why we started talking tbh? But your creativity is so inspiring, and some of my favorite tumblr-moments of this year have been 'yes-and'ing with you about one thing or another in a very >:3 manner hahah so! my point is! i love you lots <3

@dontbotheraziraphale Teeeedddd you're wonderful, I vented at you one time and then we talked for like 2 hours and at the end of that 1 conversation I already considered you a friend - and not just in that "tumblr mutuals who talk 1 time are my friends" kind of way but like. Genuinely. You're so kind and so fun and every time we talk it's such a good time ily a lot my bro my buddy my man <3

@crikey01 Tallulah HI I also completely forgot how we started talking but I remember connecting the dots that you were the one who painted those INSANE black and white and gold oil paintings and the way my jaw dropped like?? BRO you're so talented I admire you so much! And I love that we bonded over stopping each other from masochistically checking certain peoples' blogs... 😂 Anyway you're so sweet and fun and ily lots <3

---

The list could probably go on but you four are the people I've talked to most on here and you're the tumblr chat boxes I never close but always just minimize and y'all better see this as the ultimate internet declaration of affection that it Clearly is >:D 💕

---

And here are some more shout-outs because I just HAVE to.

Apologies, I know I've already tagged a bunch of you recently in a mutuals appreciation post but. This is my official thank-you-for-2023 post and I just have a lot of love for you all okay sorry feel free to ignore this <3

@rowan-ashtree (i'll text you back soon I promise I'm sorry I just haven't had the brain-space recently ssjkdfh) @crawley-fell (we've never talked but i love you from afar :')) @ineffabildaddy @llokilaufeyson @actual-changeling @saryasy @hyperfocusthusly @beccibarnes @rainbowcrowley @thesherrinfordfacility @goodoldfashionednightingale @wibbly-wobbly-blog @highlyillogicalandroid (i see your data obsession and i agree <3) @tortugay @foolishlovers @stargazing-crowley @gingiekittycat @weasleywrinkles @bildads-shoes @finleycannotdraw @bowtiepastabitch @heytherefluffy @samwwise @nocturnal-birb @athousandyearstime @angelsdiningattheritz @most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer @jedthesecretdreamer @wraithee @hydrangeadangea @southfarthing @frodo-baggins @mobius-m-mobius

[nozunhinged]

7 BL Newbie Moments of 2023 That Altered My Brain Chemistry

So I went through all my posts since the beginning of this journey and as much as I love dumping my insanity here without context or any punctuation, I feel that a lot of my fav moments deserve a bit more love and structure.

But first I need to put a bit of context so you won't be like "who the hell do they think they are" (aside from delusional I'm nothing, I promise) and my anxious overexplainer-heart is silenced.

My first BL TV show was Only Friends and only 5 months later I'm already throat deep into it (sorry). My watchlist is so endless that I sometimes (no, regularly) genuinely fear for my sanity. I'm still learning all the names and production houses but does that stop me from starting 10 other shows? NOPE.

I'm not new to queer fan spaces (avid manga reader since the yaoi days, my first ship was taito from digimon) but I am most definitely new to the brainrot levels these shows gave me.

And believe it or not, even though my shipper heart is over a decade old, I'm new to Tumblr and the fuel this platform added to the fire could burn down entire continents.

ANYWAYS if you're still here — please enjoy Noz's 100% self-indulgent moments!

1. The End And The Beginning - Only Friends

All I did was mindlessly scroll through the tumblr trends, no idea about how this website works, still sour and sad about the loss of my twitter bubble thanks to the elopocalypse—little did I know that fate would lead me to the wonderful world of BL shows! It was like this moment in isekai-esque movies where you get sucked into a world and you go WOOAAH once you arrive.

There was this show—on YouTube—100% unapolagetic about sex, relationships and queerness. Five minutes into the first episode, someone asks if they can bring their boyfriend to a hookup. This was ALL of my wildest dreams come true! Oh boy, was I naive.

I feel like Only Friends had me speedrun the whole BL industry. Branded pairs, production houses, fanservice, obsessive fans & haters, audience reactions influencing the storyline, EVERYTHING happened during Only Friends and I was just like "what the hell is going on here?" It was like the perfect case study for literally everything. Honestly I still don't really understand what's going on.

Unfortunately, this also led to the awful ending I erased from my brain and don't want to get into, I'm just gonna say Boston I will never forgive the writers for what they did to you. I dropped that show like a hot potato, filtered all possible tags and moved on — or so I thought.

I feel like I'm trying to recreate that first excitement when I discovered OF. But 20 shows later, I'm still not there. Does this make me sound like an addict? Yes, and this is why Only Friends EP 1 is my No. 1 moment that altered my brain chemistry.

2. The Boeing Incident - Only Friends

I talked about it just yesterday and I need to do it again because Boeing was the beginning of a thing that thought I'd never be capable of: lusting after real person TV characters. I talked about it in length here and here so the only thing I'm gonna add just for good measure is that I'd do anything, anything for a BostonBeoingNOZ threesome. Holy shit I'm cringing just writing this down but I need to get my point across.

3. Still Looking For That Kiss - Love in The Air

I know this is a general experience at this point but the chemistry between the couples in Love In The Air opened a whole knew world for me. I thought I knew chemistry but when I saw them, I realized I knew NOTHING.

It may sound weird but I'm still looking for that perfect kiss that's hitting all the right neurons in my brain. I have a hunch that one of these two pairs will deliver them one day, but until then I NEED to watch a million kisses for research.

This post by @talistheintrovert explains perfectly what I think about kissing in shows. Ji Chang Wook is still the blueprint for me.

But do I have a favorite BL kiss so far? Yes, yes I do. It's this ShinPeach beauty.

4. Main Lead Syndrome - Kiseki: Dear To Me

I am a second lead, side couple enby before I am human but I will defend these two until the end of time. My TL is flooded with Chen Yi, Ai Di, Nat and Louis while these two are over here falling in love over strawberry cake, cat analogies, failed cooking and all sorts of memory loss. Zongyi opened a fucking bakery for his babygirl and Zerui pretended to be a pretty dumdum to protect the love of his life.

I don't care how much you all love the two dumb (affectionately) gangsters, these two deserve the world, end of story. Also Kai Hsu and Taro Lin are bff's irl now, Taro said that Kai helped him get out of a very bad mental tate and I take that very personally.

5. The Fanservice is Fanservicing - Kiseki: Dear To Me

Speaking of Taro and Kai, the fact that I even know that they're bff's is another brainaltering moment that needs recognition because months later it led me to this TikTok of two actors I don't know of a show I don't watch, staring at them for ages and really considering watching it just because of it.

That is the power of fanservice my friends and I can put on my clownmask now because I avidly screamed left and right that fanservice should be forbidden when I learned about it. I blame Kiseki for that. But my point still stands, I hate actors doing stuff they're uncomfortable with. I just hope they're all friends and have fun and get that coin.

6. The One Just For Me - Playboyy

I've been lurking around Playboyy from the moment I found out they have the same writer as OF. And boy did it deliver so far! I already wrote a bunch here about which role Playboyy plays for me, but it's also a wonderful case study for my producer heart — watching the acting, directing, lighting, sets, props and storyline interact is fascinating.

People say the less you notice the better the show, which is correct, but I love all the flaws of this piece of media. IMHO it's the last puzzlepiece of the amazing, important social commentary the show delivers. All of the topics the couples represent need to get their very own show.

7. The Holy Grail - The Sign

Speaking of the less you notice — this is the sign for The Sign (again, sorry). There's a reason this show is loved and praised so widely because the production is on a whole other level. Adding the beautiful story on top of that, we have the potential for a holy grail here and I'm so in for the ride.

I keep saying I've entered the world of BL in it's absolute golden era. Never in a million years did I think I'd watch 5 shows simultaneosly but I love every single one of them so much I keep a whole spreadsheet on how I can be on time for every premiere every week alongside my work schedule.

Honorable mentions

KinnPorsche: VegasPete were my first dark, angsty, morally questionable couple ever (I'm a sissy okay)

Last Twilight: When I watched Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I cried several times about the wonderful media representation of disability. It means so much to me and Last Twilight is on par with that.

Bake Me Please: Thank you for giving me this beautiful kiss

Manner of Death: Thank you MaxTul for making gay makeouts fashionable

Bad Buddy: The one time I was glad I persisted so I could watch them most adorable phone scene on the planet

I Feel You Linger In The Air: It was too painful for me to finish but I loved the show with my whole heart and it deserves all the awards it got.

Kimi ni Todokanai: Japanese shows just hit different. I'll never get over the kissing Taiyaki.

The Novelist Series: THIS is how you kiss the one you're horny for my friends. Take notes directors.

Semantic Error: My fav webtoon -> Got Viki for the Series -> Found the BL corner of Viki -> Drew my attention to Tumblr -> This post.

Thank you for being the butterfly of my butterfly effect.

And thank YOU if you read until here! To a even more wonderful queer year 2024! I'm so ready for this ride.

[bougiebutchbinch]

Okay so I don’t think my ask went thru bc I sent a link to a fic and I forgot that Tumblr doesn’t like actual links on anon. Anyways, ignore this if you still received the other one! I saw this fic and immediately thought you’d devour it… but I saw someone else already sent it to you! (The professional dom one :3)

I cannot stress enough how much that fic makes me insane. I had to close my laptop screen no less than six times so I could walk away and gather myself before continuing on. Because holy crap. Anyway! I also read another fic that I thought you would like, however, it is a Scott/Logan fic. I’m not sure if you jive with that so I’m not going to link it here unless you’re chill with it. 

Top!Logan who mauls the life out of his very willing, very enthusiastic partners will always be something I will eat up like a fish deprived of water. I don’t have many mutuals who vibe with poolverine as hard as I do that I can send these to, so as the designated Top!Logan and Trans!Poolverine connoisseur of this corner of the internet… I am gently placing this on your doorstep. 

It is so solidified in my mind that Logan will try to devour his partners whole if they’re wanting and willing. He wants to bite and claim what’s his. But I also see him wanting that exact same energy back. If you will allow me to elaborate here for a brief minute:

Logan would want to feel like he belongs to someone else just as much as he wants his beloveds to belong to him. In this case, Wade. He and Wade are obviously matched in ways that others cannot even begin to comprehend. Wade matches his crazy, as Logan matches his. Physically, mentally, spiritually, these two are made for each other. 

That being said, Logan would be just as disappointed that he cannot be marked as he is that Wade cannot be marked—not for more than a few seconds, at least. But does that stop them? Fuck no. Absolutely not. 

The pair of them getting to it, approaching a state of mind that could only be described as delirious off one another, and Logan is holding the back of Wade’s neck, lifting him up a little so he can kiss his dearest, his beloved, his Wade.

It’s a biting kiss, more teeth than anything, but it’s loving. Wade knows it’s how Logan gets when he’s in the heat of the moment, but there isn’t anywhere else he’d rather be. But when Logan pulls back, he keeps Wade’s face close to his neck and shoulder and states with no room for argument or doubt… “bite.” And who's Wade to say no to him? Especially when he says it like that... the man makes a very compelling argument.

Anyway! Logan would want to be claimed in return. Their healing factors certainly get in the way sometimes, but they’re smart. They can get creative with it. It’s been ages I feel since I sent that ask about the dog tags… but I think you get the idea. They have options, and they have all the time in the world to figure out a way to make it stick. Logan is nothing if not loyal and hopelessly devoted to the people he loves. *^-^*

I LOVE ALL OF THIS TIMES A THOUSAND!!!!!

I'm sorry for not answering your previous ask - I get a lot of asks, but my spoon-level is VERY variable. I'm dealing with a lot of academic work on top of my already hectic and unpredictable work schedule! That + disabilities means that lots of EXCELLENT content gets buried in my askbox, because I just do not have the energy to scroll through some days.

It's not a comment on the quality of the content in any way, or my enjoyment of it! Just a miserable effect of The Disabilities Being Disabling. I can't change my inability to look at every ask - but I do genuinely apologise.

But GODDDD yes, I love that fic SO MUCH. It ate my brain, spat it back out, then ate it again.

I'm not into Scogan.... YET. But I could be convinced!!!

And - YEAH. I am just incapable of seeing Logan as anything BUT helplessly devoted in his love <3 man is so desperate to care for people and shower them with affection and bring them happiness - even if it's hidden beneath a very gruff exterior!

[oryu404]

Hi, I loved your Sting analysis and I 100% agree with all of it so allow me to send you my "how the Sting/Rogue Vs Natsu/Gajeel fight should have happened" propaganda, because I spend way too long thinking how to fix it and I love my version:

So basically, since Sabertooth was presented as the unchallenged 7 year running victors, strongest guild in Fiore and they are amongst the also seemingly unchallenged top 5 of that guild, I think they *need* to be shown to be stronger than Natsu to live up to the hype. (And the most annoying thing is that Mashima *can* write 'Natsu goes against a stronger opponent and win' satisfyingly, exhibit A: Laxus) Like come on, Natsu is a badass but he was never before shown to be an undefeatable super powerhouse, and Sting/Rogue are the current antagonist that got hyped up a lot, story wise they have to be stronger! If the twist is actually every other guild except FT is kinda weak and therefore so is Sabertooth that's a bad twist! And it's not even satisfying to watch!

But they still need to lose, so how? Imo the most satisfying would be: due to their own overconfidence, it's fun and it works with the themes too!

So the way I would write it, (first by forgetting the 'Gajeel and Natsu weren't starting full strength' BS, like since when??? This is FT, where no one ever holds back, not Dragon Ball) but I distress so:

Sting/Rogue are winning handily, throwing unison raid like candy so Sting decides to solo them, goes into Dragon Force and keep winning, even if not as easily and Natsu, who does tend to overestimate himself if it's not life and death, still goes all 'I don't need you Gajeel, I'm gonna win by myself' but he doesn't kick him out of the arena, because that was terrible, and Gajeel is staying around like 'fine go get your ass kicked, I'll laughs'

And 2v1 was hard enough, 1v1 Natsu is losing fast, only Gajeel isn't stupid and he wants to win so he had a plan: while Rogue was distracted and not paying attention to him, having kinda disregarded him as a threat, he jumps him and doesn't let him use Dragon Force, maybe Rogue is the one who get kicked down a mine shaft even.

And then Gajeel somehow creates an explosion to give fire to Natsu and rejoins the fight. Gajeel is still relatively fresh while Sting has just been burning through a ton of magic between Dragon Force and unnecessarily showing off and so Gajeel/Natsu show that they can in fact fight together decently and they win, preferably with an unexpected unison raid.

That way the fight is hard won and thus satisfying to watch, Sting/Rogue were defeated by their own hubris (and separately!) even though they actually were stronger, illustrating the whole 'the strength of friendship beat being personally strong and is more important' theme (AND it gives more weight and more anticipation for Rogue Vs Gajeel future fight, but that would be a whole other essay) AND *it's not the only duo showing the power of friendship who loses* because genuinely, I think Mashima might have forgotten who he was trying to make us root for? (Why give Sting the Power of Friendship tm AND an emotional motivational flashback and then make him lose like that???)

Anyways, so sorry this got incredibly long, but I don't want to erase it now that I wrote all that ^^' Please do ignore me if I was bothering you

Hi! I'm so glad you liked my Sting rant analysis! Also, uhm...Hell Yes to your version of the dragon slayer tag battle! It hits a couple of points that I think are very satisfying, and that would make a lot of sense.

- Sting and Rogue being defeated separately, and directly thanks to their own arrogance: The Twin Dragons have insane teamwork and amplify each other's strengths. Separating them should be step 1 towards defeating them. Plus, they've shown arrogance (Sting) and indifference (Rogue) from the beginning. Having those attitudes be their downfall would fit very nicely into their humbling and later character improvement. And the scenario you posed works really well: Sting showing off and blowing through his MP, and Rogue letting his guard down when he lost interest. Mistakes neither of them care to make again on the last day (especially after the beating from their master). Sting now saves up all his strength for the final confrontation, while Rogue focuses on settling his score with Gajeel.

- Natsu and Gajeel teamwork: These two are rivals who never had the friendliest dynamic, so showing them put all that aside and win this battle for FT? If that ain't power of friendship, I don't know what is.

- Rogue getting kicked down the mineshaft....Now that would be very interesting considering what he'd find there. He and Gajeel wouldn't be able to really finish their fight so it would absolutely up the anticipation for their second encounter on the final day. Still trying to figure out what it would mean for the stuff with Zirconis, but I'm very intrigued by the idea.

Thanks so much for this message, I absolutely loved it!

[lurking-latinist]

re: these tags

THAT'S SO COOL AHHHH!! good for you aubreyad community stays winning

[introducing this with a disclaimer in case i'm wrong about everything: i am only halfway through the series rn (just about to finish 10) and also am but a mere undergrad classics major who has yet to even declare said major and I probably don't have the right to be yapping about propertius. nevertheless i shall.]

anyway i have been growing persistently more insane about diana's proximity to a Lot of classical imagery, like how her first appearance in post captain is literally during a fox hunt + all the gender stuff she has going, obviously linking her to mythological diana (and artemis if we're going to conflate the two) but your take has sent me in a whole new direction with that-- because she doesn't actually really embody the artemis archetype all too much overall (an emphasized character trait being that she's notably Not Chaste) EXCEPT in relation to stephen, w/ whom her relationship is much more brotherly than it is sensual i guess?

which would align very well with your idea of diana as elegiac puella-- sort of in a way being mythologized by stephen-- resulting in the reader actually being able to see two different manifestations of her character (one through the eyes of an omniscient prosaic narrator and one through the perspective of stephen as a "poet" figure). and i just think that's neat.

my latin class has also been looking at a few of propertius' love elegies and, at least to me, they read a lot like if stephen 1.) hated himself significantly less and 2.) were less indecisive in writing about his Feelings?? 1.8 (and all of the poems concerning cynthia moving/traveling away and propertius being all moody about it) is very reminiscent of the arc from post captain to the surgeon's mate imo. 1.12 is also Literally Him-- "cynthia prima fuit cynthia finis erit" can be compared to stephen's poetic catastrophizing about how his life is Literally Over and Love Is Dead when he believes to have fallen out of love with diana!?!? i'm going to lose my mind.

sorry for dumping all of this on you unprompted and also sorry for the fact that it probably does not make sense. peace and love

if undergrad classicists don't talk about propertius literally WHO WILL. (genuinely my currently-being-written phd dissertation chapter is based on an idea I had in the class I read propertius in freshman year. never feel like you're not a 'real scholar' or something yet, because you honestly never do become something different, you just keep reading and talking and this is what we do! there's nothing realer than this!)

oh wow that's really well put--we kind of get to see her from an omniscient-narrator perspective and through the eyes of her lover who is Not Being Normal About Her. very nice!

yeah I keep reading bits of propertius and being like "hmm is po'b going to quote this one I wonder." (he doesn't mostly but I keep thinking he should. because I want the aubreyad to be denser and less accessible I guess? :P) there's a lot of catullus woven in too of course - I associate Catullus 72 with the 'falling out of love' arc (my dude that is not what falling out of love looks like).

oh gosh yes 1.8 -- that was one of the things I was trying to describe to Distinguished Classicist, the way she's so -- what's the word I want? not volatile... she disappears. she's constantly Gone. you turn around and oops, she's eloped to Sweden. (honestly though if Cynthia and Propertius could manage to have *fake* revenge affairs that would actually be *great*, for them that would be an improvement.) Gareth Williams (in a chapter called, amazingly, "From Grave to Rave") describes Cynthia as "ever only elusively visible in the narratological mist" and I feel like that's a bit what's going on with Diana. For her there's a genre element as well--she's a woman in the Men Going to Sea books, and even though the Aubreyad gives way more time to women than the average Men Going to Sea book, the fact is the camera frequently simply isn't on her. We see far more of Stephen thinking about her, hearing rumors, etc. than we do of her actually being on the page. Now in elegy nobody seems to be quite fully on the page, we only get "fragments of story" as Genevieve Liveley and Patricia Salzmann-Mitchell say (excellent collection by that name btw, I recommend checking it out if you're at all interested in narrative and lyric/elegy). But Diana manages this while being in a novel, which is impressive to me.

yeah stephen as a character is a lot more... self-reflective? than propertius' speaker. for one thing he's in a novel, I think, so he can actually... have a series of contiguous experiences. he's also a compulsive diarist which is helpful for self-reflection I guess. and more mature, like, as a human being, than propertius' speaker, who apparently does nothing with his life except be in love and write poetry, he doesn't exist outside of as a poetic voice whereas, again, stephen benefits from a third-person narrator and has medicine and spying to do and so on. also he's Catholic.

I love the "Catullus-and-water" line, it's like O'Brian just put in a little wink to those of us who would notice this, like, "yes I am doing this on purpose." All in all I've pretty much defaulted to assuming that O'Brian is doing things on purpose. although he did forget Babbington's first name that one time and retconned it very awkwardly

[dootznbootz]

hello, sorry it's me again, you've basically become my comfort blog-

I was on reddit and out of curiosity typed in "Circe rant" because idk, I was feeling salty about the book.

I saw a post that had some legitimately good reasons and indicated that this is all just the person's opinion.

But when I checked the replies everyone was just disagreeing with them and being very rude?

Like, they complained about how the book doesn't feel feministic because Circe isn't that likable of a character? And then half the replies were "Uhh she's supposed to be morally gray" "I disagree, Madeline told her story very well." "What gave you the impression this book was supposed to be feministic??"

(Disregarding half the reviews on the cover are calling it a "great feministic piece")

I was kinda pissed so I went to post my own thought about why I really dislike Miller's take on Circe. And 80 present of the replies were just flaming me-

Some guy said people can interpret her anyway they want because she's not real. Someone said I should be more humble and that I just don't like Circe as a character (which is not true). And so on.

Something I've seen is that the Circe book fans are so sensitive good god- Whenever someone criticizes their book they go full defensive mode. Trying to reason with you when most of the time you're the one who actually knows more about the actual character-

They act like all of our concerns on the book actually have a reason and make sense? Honestly, props to us for being bold enough to voice our concerns on a book that basically has a cult following-

Again, really sorry for coming here to bother you. I'm just salty and I genuinely really like your takes

That's really sweet that you feel safe and comfy on my blog. That's what I'm trying to be. Thank you 🥹

You're not bothering me <3 I can understand being salty about the book. It makes me salty too. It's why it's honestly good to block the tags and avoid most of that stuff. Make friends and find the community that actually understand what actually went down in the Odyssey and what happened to Odysseus. There are plenty on here! :D Also quite a few who have really neat and fun stuff about Odyssey Circe while still being respectful of Odysseus!

I don't recommend trying to fight with these folks. It's frustrating but they're not gonna change their mind. As they don't want to. Inform and educate sometimes especially if people ask but don't waste so much energy on it. It's not good for you. It's okay to vent and rant but I don't recommend searching it out. <3 You'll just stress yourself out :D

I think the book is almost like, the most "basic angry feminist shlock in a bland and easy to consume can for pre-teens" book, you know? And that's why so many people cling to it. I can see SOME people taking comfort in the anger maybe?? But idk. Anyways it has so many classic "YA shit". Girlboss who has "no flaws and can do no wrong" who actually isn't a very nice person (what's with so many characters being so mean and moody???), the mean, MEAN men who are just soooo awful to her and try to push her down. The other women who are just slutty and so dumb. They don't get it. etc. etc.

I think it's a lot of younger fans who are JUST starting to see a lot of "adult shit" and it's scary so it's nice to have...idk this?? I don't understand it. As I was never really one to be into that or really even behave that way. Odysseus is much relatable and hopeful as insane as that is.

[namorswifeyyy]

Part 2 as promised

WORTH THE RISK PT 2

Blue Jones x Reader

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Summary: You and Blue have been in a secret relationship for a while, and every moment spent with each other is precious time. But, you feel as if he could be hiding something.

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Tags/Warnings: 18+ EXPLICIT | mostly NSFW, oral (f receiving) teasing, praise kink, spanking, choking, unprotected piv, voyerism if you squint, once again just Blue being a naughty man, slight aggressiveness, also Blue being possessive, with a tad bit of angst and conflict | DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't condone this character's actions, this is just simply a headcanon turned fanfic. Read at your own risk.

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Every time. You and Blue have a moment together, and that time gets cut off real short. "When will he ever have more time for me?" You thought to yourself.

He's always so busy. Running his club, performing, having meetings with people, making sure you and the girls are doing their job, you name it. Even if he tries to have time for you, why is it so rare?

It almost feels pointless to keep this relationship a secret, let alone be in one at all. Yet, you keep crawling back him. And why? Doesn't matter if he's crazy. Doesn't matter if you feel like he's being secretive. You want him. Even if he isn't the one for you, you want him, badly.

You exit your dressing room, all dressed up. Wondering where Blue went. Around the corner of the hall, you see him talking to a man you never seen before. "Should I eavesdrop?" You thought. But then you decided it's probably not worth it. You wanted to show him he can trust you while he promises the same for you in return.

"You sound insane, Mr. Jones. Do you realize that? There's something about you and that girl that bothers me. I don't know what it is but you're getting awful close with her and I don't like it." The suited man says to Blue.

Blue looks appalled. "Calling me insane? Because I'm in love? That shouldn't even matter to you!" Blue responds, voice shaken by anger.

The suited man scoffs. "That's not even the case here! You done some major damage last time I seen you. You're a fucking psycho. You make me sick, Jones. I'm worried you're gonna hurt her like you have with every other girl you come in contact with."

Blue crosses his arms and clenches his jaw. "I'm not the same as I once was sir. You know this. I love her. And I would never do anything like that to her. Sorry to say, but there is an audience out there and I have to keep the show running for tonight. So if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now. We'll talk more later."

"Don't fuck up like you did last time. Prove that you genuinely love her, because I know you got a history of using women. I'll be watching you, Jones."

The suited man walks away from Blue. He sighs. "He just doesn't get it." Blue thinks to himself. But now that he had that conversation, did he just reveal the secret?

You walk away from them, tuning out what they been saying and out into the stage area. Seeing the audience watching the girls perform, and there's you. Just watching the sidelines. You felt knots in your stomach.

The anxiety, the pressure, it's all too much to bare. Then another thought occurs. "Would Blue be mad if I didn't go up there?"

But you had to go up there anyway. The people are waiting for you. And you want to make everyone around you happy. Even if you have to sacrifice your own comfort. You watch as Blue walks onto the stage, grabbing the microphone.

"Alright everyone! It's time to give it up for our last act For tonight!" He announces. Blue looks over at you in the crowd, He motions his fingers to call you over.

Everyone focuses their eyes on you, watching you walk up towards the stage. The nervousness eating you alive.

"Meet up with me later in my office." He whispers in your ear before he walks off. Everyone starts chattering after that short interaction he had with you on the stage.

You nodded yes then shifted your focus to the audience. They go quiet after the spotlight shines on you. As soon as the music starts playing, you give off your best dance performance. Everyone is cheering, enjoying what they're seeing. As long as you get a positive reaction from the audience, performing won't be as bad as you have already anticipated tonight.

When you finish your performance and the music stops, you hear everyone cheering and clapping for you. You wave bye at the audience and quickly exit the stage. Thank goodness you were the last one up.

After some time, the building gets quiet. Everyone probably went home by now. It's late at night, and you were finding Blue's office. He did tell you to meet him there after all.

You knock on the door. Blue gets up from where he is seated and opens the door to see you. "Come in, love." He says.

You walk into his office as he closes the door behind you two. "I know you were nervous to go up there. But do you know how well you did? How everyone loved you up there? You did great. I just thought I'd tell you." Blue praises.

He holds your hands and places a kiss on them.

"You sure? I was really scared to go up there." You asked. You look away from him, sighing deeply.

Despite Blue's praises, you didn't feel like you did well. Even if the audience loved what they were seeing, it didn't matter to you. In fact, the show isn't even what you're worried about right now.

"You know I'm right, love. You were amazing." Blue responds. You look back into his eyes again.

"I wanna talk about two things. One, who was that man you were talking to in the hallway? And two, is our moments with each other always gonna be cut short? And answer honestly."

"Well the guy I was talking to was a guest here. He used to work with me and came in tonight to see how my club is holding up. Nothing too serious. He asked me about you, even. Asking me why you and I are so close." He answers. He knows he can't tell you about the actual conversation he was having with that man. He made a promise.

You cross your arms, furrowing an eyebrow. "And why is that any of his business?" You ask, seemingly annoyed.

Blue sighs. "I don't even know actually. I couldn't even tell him for the sake of our secret. What matters is that we're all alone now."

He softly caresses your face with his hand, brushing your cheek with his thumb. "You know I'll always be by your side. No matter what happens. You're mine. Secret or not." He consoles.

"Promise me one thing?" You ask, looking into those beautiful dark brown eyes of his.

"Of course, darlin'. What is it?"

"Promise not to put me on the spot like you have tonight? I know I'm a performer but I felt so anxious and I saw that everyone started to probably talk about what you said to me on stage." You tell him.

Blue kisses you before he answers. "You're right, honey." He sighs. "I should've thought about that. I promise you. I'll keep my word. But now that everyone is gone, it's just you and me. No one to worry about."

"That's my Blue." You said, smiling cutely. You go in for another kiss, but longer this time.

His touch felt so addictive. And you finally have more than just a minute with him. What you both been needing for so long. You feel his hands roam across your body, pulling you in closer.

"Wanna continue where we left off from earlier?" Blue asks as he pulls away from the kiss, with slightly labored breathing.

"Please." You say. So glad he didn't forget. Blue smirks as he picks you up and lays you down on the desk. You bite your lip, eyeing him up and down. What is he even gonna do to you?

"Just relax and let me do all the work, love." He coos. You nodded in response. You feel his fingers drag across your body, as if he couldn't keep his hands off you.

You felt his touch on your inner thigh, fingers wandering, going underneath your skirt. Your face felt hot, you gasp at the sudden touch. And he hasn't even done much yet.

His thumb rubs against your clit, through the fabric of your panties. Small, circular motions. Enough to make you beg for him. You try to fight the urge to close your legs, rubbing them together.

"I barely touched you and you're already squirming? No, no, baby. I need you to stay still and keep your legs open for me. Got it?"

You nod your head, keeping your legs spread apart for him. Soon enough, you start to feel wet down there.

He immediately takes notice. "Already so wet, aren't you?"

You couldn't even answer. All you could do is whine in desperation. You see him smirk.

Blue hooks his finger under the side of your panties and pulls them off, placing them on the side of the desk. He slides two fingers in between your wet folds. Feeling the wet slick all over your horny pussy. Then slowly pushing them in and out inside your hole. You gasp. He keeps turning you on more and more by the second. The more you moan for him, he pumps his fingers inside you faster. Watching you melt underneath him.

This is a feeling of pure ecstasy. But you want more. You can only imagine the lewd thoughts inside Blue's head. How from looking at him, he wants to ruin you.

He takes his fingers out of your wet and needy cunt. Licking off the juices coating them. "I need to taste more of you."

Blue takes off his coat and throws it to the side of the room. He unbuttons his shirt before leaning down towards you again. His tongue touches your clit, making you tremble. But he doesn't stop there. He puts his fingers back inside you, pumping them in and out while he licks and sucks your swollen clit like a starved man. Feeling him hum into your desperate, needy pussy as he's eating you out. Making your moans and cries only louder.

"Please, Blue!! Please.." You plead. You want to push his head away but couldn't. It felt too fucking good.

"Please what, love?" He asks in between licks.

"Please...just fuck me." You answer.

Blue takes his fingers out of you and gets up. "Well you're in luck. Because I been wanting to fuck you, so damn badly."

You watch as he removes his belt, then unzip his pants. As both his pants and boxers drop to the floor, you see his hard, throbbing cock.

Stroking it up and down, waiting to finally pound it into you. "You want it?" He asks. You nod your head yes. "Please. I need you so bad, Blue." You answer.

"I know you do, that's my girl. Can you turn around for me, baby? I wanna see you bent over for me." He asks.

You turn around the other way on Blue's desk, facing the chair. Arching your back just enough. Blue puts his hand on your rear, caressing it. Then you hear a loud smack. The sting his hand left. The gasp that escaped your mouth.

Then you feel his hard length against your entrance, sliding it in. He growls with pleasure, craving this feeling all day.

His thrusts start slow, only building up more and more after every whimper, moan, and cry you make. The whole room fills up with sounds of pure, primal fucking.

You feel Blue's hand reach for your neck, pressing against your throat. Even holding you against his body as he's pounding into you.

"I don't care if anyone hears us. If anyone sees us. You're fucking mine, alright? No one else can have you!" He speaks softly into your ear. You can barely even speak back. All you can do to respond is with "uh-huh" while you're being fucked senseless. His hand wrapped around your throat, making it harder to breathe as you're gasping with every thrust.

How it felt too good. How you can't think of anything but just being his naughty girl. His naughty girl he loves to play with.

Blue lets go of his grip on your neck and and spanks your rear once more. Smack after smack, thrust after thrust, you feel like you're getting close to the brink of orgasm.

Squeezing around his cock, making Blue moan at how tight you feel. "Fuck, you're gonna make me cum if you keep that up!" He groans. Oh how this man just keeps driving you wild. "I want you to.." you whine.

You feel like your body is about to give out, but it doesn't matter. It all feels so worth it.

As you both are getting more and more closer to finishing, Blue grips onto your hair and pulls on it ever so slightly. He growls as he releases into you. Giving a few last sloppy, hard thrusts, making you whimper and cry at how good he's making you feel. Getting you to cum on his cum covered cock.

Blue pulls out, both of you try to catch your breath. "That's my good fucking girl. You did so well for me."

You turn to face him. Blue cups your cheek with his hand and gives you a kiss. "You're all I ever want, all I ever need. You're mine." He says.

"I'm all yours." You tell him.

You both kiss one last time before getting dressed. However, one thought just can't leave your mind. Is Blue keeping a secret from you? And if so, is it a sinister one? Who even knows?

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