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t0wnspersonb · 4 years ago

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Twin Bed (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Anonymous said:

are u taking requests rn? 🥺 ive read ur tsukki fics and i know to myself ur the only one who can write this request amazingly: tsukki sneaking in to his s/o’s room at night bc he misses her and he saw how cute she is in her pajamas but couldnt help getting turned on as well bc she is wearing shorts and an oversized shirt it also didnt help that her bed is for one person only ;) UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING TSUKKI OR HAIKYUU SCENARIOS COS THE PPL NEED U

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Word Count: 2,475

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: SMUT, my shit writing, bad language

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Yoooo this is was legit so fun to write lmao. I hope I did your request justice anon and I appreciate your kind words!!! I know I have other requests sitting in my inbox and I will try and to get to them soon. I might be a bit inactive the next couple of weeks, I will be going vacation (I definitely fucking need it lol) this week and then I start classes again. RIP. I hope you guys enjoy this one and let me know what you think!:) I literally am at a lost for words with how amazing you guys are and how unproblematic you guys have been considering the bullshit that’s been going around in the community. I just want to reiterate that this is a safe and fun place for everyone, it is never my intention to make anyone uncomfortable and if I do please let me know so that I can apologize correctly for it! But to make things clear I will not tolerate any fuckery on this blog, I don’t have the energy nor the patience to deal with shit like that. We are all capable of being decent human beings to each other. No drama, no bullshit, just a fun and safe place for everyone that wants to be part of it. ANYWAY, enough of my ranting, please enjoy this filth and my shit writing lmao 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

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You frowned slightly as you looked at your phone, your eyes squinting against the harshness of the light.

Tsukishima had texted you, multiple times - at two in the morning - in fact. While you dearly adored your boyfriend of only five months, you didn’t exactly adore the fact that he woke you up at this time.

Especially considering you had to be up in about five hours to get ready for an exam.

You sighed through your nose as you tugged your blankets from your body and made your way to your door.

“Kei… it’s two in the morning…” You yawned, looking up at your tall boyfriend with sleepy eyes. “The dorm manager is going to get mad at me if she catches you here.”

“Well let’s not get caught then.” he drawled out, gold eyes flickering over your body. A blonde eyebrow arched up; “is that my shirt?”

You blinked at him for a moment, not fully registering what he had just asked before a soft blush began to coat your cheeks.

You were definitely wearing one of his shirts, a green Sendai Frogs shirt that was way too big for your body, given his tall stature. He had left the shirt at your dorm two weeks ago, and naturally you wore it to bed almost every night.

“No.” You said in a small voice, carefully playing with your fingers as you looked up at him through your lashes.

A soft blush covered Tsukishima’s cheeks before he scoffed, his slender fingers reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose. “You’re a terrible liar. Looks good on you though.” he said, brushing past you to get into your room.

You turned to see him plop himself onto your bed, and you couldn’t help but stare. It was a strange sight to see to say the least. His 6’4 frame was just a tad out of place in your room, especially sitting on your incredibly small bed. But more so he was out of place because, well, your boyfriend was beautiful. It was like a Greek god decided to pay you a secret visit before the sun came up, ready to disappear at any moment.

Tsukishima’s hair was tousled perfectly, the tight black shirt he wore complimented him perfectly, emphasizing his broad shoulders and thick biceps. You felt your mouth go dry as you realized that he was wearing grey sweatpants, clinging low on his hips.

How could someone look so good at two in the morning?

“Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He called out, his back leaning against the wall your bed was pushed up against, his phone in hand.

“You’re the one that wanted to come over.” you frowned, locking your door before making your way towards the bed. “You’re taking up all the space.” You whined.

He rolled his eyes before his long legs parted, creating a space on the bed. “Come here.”

You felt your face burn even more, a strange shyness overtaking you at the intimate position he wanted you in.

It wasn’t like you had never been close to Tsukishima before, you guys had been intimate, many times... but then why were you so nervous all of a sudden?

“What are you waiting for?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow quirked up.

“Shut up.” you grumbled, carefully climbing over one of his long legs. You settled yourself against him, your upper body fitting easily between his legs, your back resting against his stomach and your head gently pressing into his strong chest.

Resting against Tsukishima was far better than resting in your tiny bed.

One of his arms carefully wrapped around your waist, his large hand gently pressing against your stomach, the other hand held his phone in front of both of you, a volleyball game overtaking the screen.

It was silent for a moment, both of you absorbed in the video. It had only been fifteen minutes into the game when Tsukishima began looking over your body. His gold eyes taking in your bare legs before flickering up. He zeroed in on the exposed skin of your hip, the shirt you wore had been pulled up slightly.

He swallowed thickly, arousal beginning to spike in his blood. Christ, it wasn’t like you were naked right now; it wasn’t like you were wearing anything incredibly enticing, but… fuck. Tsukishima began wracking his brain for when the last time it was that he had seen you. That’s right, it had been a while, a little over two weeks in fact.

His sudden desire was because he had just missed you right? He couldn’t possibly be turned on from the simple fact that you were in the shortest shorts known to man, or the fact that you were in his shirt and you weren’t…. Christ, you weren’t wearing a fucking bra.

He could see your hardened nipples through the shirt despite how baggy it was on your small body.

“Can you hold the phone, my arm is getting tired.” he said quietly, hoping that you hadn’t felt his hardening member against your back just yet.

“Really Kei?” you rolled your eyes but took his phone nonetheless, your eyes completely glued to the screen. The game was just beginning to get interesting.

It was silent again.

But this time, Tsukishima trailed his hand down to your exposed skin, carefully sliding his fingers under your shirt, gently tracing against your soft skin.

You sighed softly at his touch, your body wiggling slightly against him to get more comfortable. Tsukishima took that as a good sign, his hands traveling further up, the rough pads of his fingers felt incredible against your skin; goosebumps erupting over your body.

You shivered slightly, desire spiking in the pit of your stomach as his long fingers began moving further up, until they rested just below your breasts. Your breath hitched, your heart thumping loudly in your ears now.

His fingers carefully dragged against the soft underside of your breasts. You felt Tsukishima shift, his upper body sitting up slightly, his lips brushing gently against the shell of your outer ear, hot breath rustled your hair.

“Who’s winning?” he murmured, lips grazing against your ear before carefully brushing down towards your neck.

A soft whimper tore through your lips. “It’s uhmm… uh - o-oh Kei.” your eyes fluttered shut as his tongue darted across your skin, tasting you before biting down softly. You could feel your cunt clenching at his actions, your bundle of nerves suddenly throbbing to be touched.

“What was that?” he teased softly, the hand that was gently caressing the underside of your breasts suddenly moved up, carefully cupping your entire breast, long fingers gently tugging at your hardened nipple.

You moaned loudly before immediately dropping his phone, both hands clasping your mouth shut tightly.

“Oh, that’s right, if your dorm manager caught me here, she would be furious right? I don’t want you getting in trouble, so you best be quiet hmm?” he murmured softly against your skin before pinching your nipple hard between two fingers.

Your breath hitched, your eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through your body.

“But you make the cutest noises when you're turned on.” he said, his voice incredibly quiet and calm, despite the growing hardness that was pressing into your back now. “You’re in quite the dilemma, aren’t you?”

His other hand suddenly trailed down, his fingers curling against your through your shorts.

“Fuck… you’re soaked.” he groaned quietly, feeling your arousal leaking through your panties and staining your shorts.

He suddenly leaned back once again, your head once again resting against his strong chest. But despite his composure, his heart was racing just as much as yours.

He suddenly bucked his hips up, his cock rubbing against your back. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the hand that was groping your breast pulled out of your shirt and tangled into your hair, gently tugging and forcing you to arch your neck, staring up at the blonde male now.

His gold eyes held nothing but lust now as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes.

You had never seen a more gorgeous man in your entire life.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice deep with arousal. But before you could say anything, the hand that was grasping you through your clothes suddenly tugged your shorts and panties to the side, long fingers brushing softly against your weeping slit.

Tsukishima exhaled loudly, his cock jumping against your back as he felt just how wet you were.

“Fuck…” he whispered quietly, and carefully slid his finger to the top of your cunt, his finger gently pressing down against your clit.

A jolt of pleasure erupted through your body, your mouth falling open in a silent plea as your eyes fluttered shut.

He began rubbing delicate circles against you, a soft pleasure beginning to build up in your lower stomach, your hips rocking up carefully with his movements.

“K-Kei…” you trembled, your hand reaching down and grasping at his forearm helplessly.

“Are you close?” he asked, his finger pressing down just a little bit harder, but that was all that you needed to get your legs shaking.

The way he touched you… the way that he took care of you… it was no wonder you were completely head over heels for him.

He was just too good.

You nodded helplessly against his chest, and then suddenly he pulled his hand away from your dripping cunt, a soft cry of distress tearing through your lips. Why did he… but you were so close…

“Can you move away for a second?” he asked quietly, gently pushing you forward. You shakily scooted away from him and heard the rustling of sheets and clothes. You twisted your head to look back and - your mouth went dry.

Tsukishima was still resting against the wall, his lower body easily sprawled out against your bed as you still sat between his long legs, but this time… this time… he laid with one hand behind his head, the other was easily grasping his member, lazily sliding up and down his shaft. His grey sweatpants were bunched up around the tops of his thighs, his black shirt pulled up slightly, exposing his lower stomach and the perfect lines of his Adonis belt.

“Come here.” he demanded, you turned to crawl over to him, fully intending on taking him into your mouth- his hand flew up, halting your movements. “No. I want to be inside you.”

Your lips parted slightly as you nodded in a daze, your cunt squeezing around nothing at his words. But before you could sink down on top of his cock, he stopped you once more.

“Turn around.” he commanded. Your lips trembled softly, your hands gripping his upper thighs as you situated yourself on top of him, you could feel his fingers tugging your shorts and underwear to the side again, and then something blunt and thick began rubbing up and down your soaked entrance.

“Don’t tease me Kei, please.” you whimpered out, but before you could plead further, he grabbed your hips, forcing you to sink all the way down onto his member in one movement.

You gritted your teeth tightly, biting back the loud shout that wanted to escape your throat at the sudden intrusion, at the force of him already hitting the most devastating depths within you.

Fuck you had never been quite this full, never had someone quite this deep until you met Tsukishima.

“Shit.” he cursed, growling slightly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes fluttered shut as your tight heat engulfed him completely.

He could never get used to this.

After a moment of adjusting to the new intrusion you began rocking your hips, carefully sliding back and forth, your lips forming into a silent o as pleasure jolted through your body at each drag of his cock against your walls.

A soft whimper tore through your lips as he began grabbing handfuls of your ass, his fingers gripping tightly at the soft flesh, kneading and pulling your cheeks apart. Before his hand settled on pulling your shorts and underwear further away, his eyes taking in the obscene way your cunt swallowed his cock.

The quiet room was filled with the sound of rustling sheets, the wet noises of your arousal leaking through your stuffed cunt as Tsukishima slid in and out of you, the soft and breathless moans that escaped your lips, and the soft grunts of Tsukishima as he fought back his release. He couldn’t cum yet, not until you did.

But he could tell that you were close by the desperate way you rocked your hips, faster, sloppier, chasing for a release.

“Cum for me.” he demanded, his large hand cracking down against your ass. Your hand came up, stifling the loud gasp that wanted to escape your lips, your cunt clenching tightly around him. You could feel it then, the pleasure mixed with the sharp pain, the tightness in your lower stomach finally releasing.

“Fuck that’s it.” He murmured, watching as you trembled above him, his hands coming down to grip at your waist, forcing you to move faster against him as he began chasing his own release.

Tsukishima gritted his teeth tightly before carefully shoving you off of his member, a soft cry escaping your lips as you collapsed on top of his legs. He gripped his member tightly, shooting thick ropes of his warmth all over your raised bottom, staining your shorts completely.

“Shit hold on.” he panted slightly, carefully moving himself from under you. He tucked his softening member back into his sweatpants before moving towards your closet, grabbing a towel and making his way back to you. His gentle hands easily cleaning you up before tugging your shorts and panties off, replacing them with fresh ones.

You looked up at him sleepily as he began situating you both on your small body, half of your body resting on top of his as he drew the blankets over your guys’ form.

“You suck Kei. If I fail this exam because I’m too tired to focus, you have to buy me ramen.” you mumbled against his chest, your eyes drooping as sleep began to tug at your mind.

“If you fail this exam just because you’re tired then that just proves you didn’t actually study for it. You should’ve been able to retain that information regardless.” he said, fingers gently running through your hair.

“You suck.” you sighed again, softly nuzzling your face into his chest.

A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything else.

Not that you would have listened anyway, considering that you were knocked out now.

Tsukishima’s body was definitely more comfortable than your twin bed.

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jimlingss · 4 years ago

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Moirai [3]

Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4

➜ Words: 4.8k

➜ Genres: 60% Fluff, 40% Angst, Isekai!AU

➜ Summary: Death is supposed to be the end. Or at least that's what you assumed when you're hit by a TRUCK. But the moment you open your eyes again, instead of being sent to the afterlife, you've become a baby. And not just any baby. You're the female villain of a video game.

You’re ten years old when you finally get to go to the Solar Festival. “Come right up and challenge this brute to an arm wrestle!” “Get your candy! Fresh candy from the west right here!” It’s the first time you’re not deathly ill and practically on your deathbed, a secret which has been kept deep in the Devereux house. God forbid, their only heir is found to be weak. It could be detrimental to the whole aristocratic balance. But frankly, you’re surprised you’re even alive. While Anastasia’s death occurs shortly after she turns eighteen, the impending doom never stops weighing on your mind. You just count your blessings as each year passes. You’re ecstatic to finally be able to go to the Solar Festival too. But you can’t believe it’s with Prince Jungkook and his bratty ass. A year ago, you were horrified to find out you were engaged to him. It came out of nowhere, an announcement in the morning that nearly had you choking on your breakfast. You don’t know how your father managed to pull such strings, but you’re not entirely surprised. It was part of the original storyline after all. Luckily, little has changed. It’s an arrangement only in name and was the gossip of tea parties for just a week. Jungkook is still largely uninterested in you. If anything, he still seems scared of you for that stunt you pulled when you first met. But you’re going to keep it that way. If you can’t win him over with overbearing kindness, then fear works. “Hey, you.” The Prince taps you on your shoulder and you realize he’s talking to you. He didn’t even refer you to your name. The damn brat. Jungkook points off to a stand and then grins. “Think you can win a prize?” It’s a booth with three different targets two meters away and slingshots. A simple game with pretty good prizes. You muse the game developers used a lot of modern inspirations in creating this world. The Solar Festival isn’t far off from markets and carnivals from the twenty-first century. Jungkook smiles lazily and lolls his head at you. “Here, let me show you how it’s done.” You scoff as he saunters off. For being only ten years old, he sure is cocky for his age. The Prince flicks a golden coin at the vendor who bows at him and he grabs the slingshot and ball. His left eye closes and the tip of his tongue sticks out as he aims. Jungkook releases after a moment and the ball hits the second ring of the target. “Amazing job, Your Highness,” the commoner stutters out while bowing again. Jungkook pays no mind to him, but he turns his head towards you and smirks. “See?” Your brow twitches and you step up to the booth. You grab the slingshot out of his hand, take a ball and within two seconds, you fire. Bullseye. It’s your turn to shift and smirk at the Prince. Pft. A game like this is easy peasy. C’mon, you used to play at arcades and amusement parks where all their games were professionally rigged. “C-Congratulations!” The vendor hands you a massive brown bear that nearly overcomes you in size. Jungkook’s jaw has dropped. “Would you like the prize, Your Highness?” He points at you. “You cheated!” “Excuse me?!” “Cheater!” Jungkook stomps away and you’re left following after him while glaring into his backside. The two of you are accompanied by two knights trailing after you. It’s more intimate than being surrounded in a room full of adults and dressed in extravagant attire. You suppose going to the Solar Festival together with the Prince, aka. your fiancé, is supposed to give off the impression that you’re actually close to him and that this isn’t just a shallow engagement. The actual truth emerges as you’re busy studying the sign of a food booth. You’re perplexed that they have corn dogs here, or whatever they call it in Ashea, and as you turn around, Jungkook and the guards are gone. Are you fucking kidding me? Did he actually leave you behind?! You start wandering, scanning the heads around, looking past hordes of strangers, darting between their legs, dodging bodies. But the crowd is thick and before you’re swept up completely, you flounder out of the mass to the perimeters of the Solar Festival. It’s emptier there, only couples searching for an intimate space and stragglers who want a breath of air. But by sheer coincidence and coincidence only, a familiar boy comes into your sight. What the hell is he doing here? You step back in surprise and cover your face with your massive plush bear. It's only when you peek out that your eyes permanently set onto Taehyung. He’s dressed in a black cloak, but the brown strands of his hair are too distinct. He’s taller than when you last remembered, growing into his skin as well. His cheeks are less rounded than before, eyes becoming sharper. He doesn’t notice you, at least not yet. He’s too busy taking in the Solar Festival, gawking at the crowds, the twinkling lights and glowing lanterns. He stands at a distance, seemingly overwhelmed. It feels like you’ve accidentally stumbled into a scene you’re not a part of. It’s then that you remember there was a flashback in the game. Jungkook invited him to go out, but he couldn’t until he gave into the temptation and snuck outside the castle walls himself. This marks the first time Taehyung left the palace since his mother’s passing three years ago. He’s been trapped inside as the embodiment of the royal family’s shame since. In the game, you remember he wanted food but didn’t have a single coin to his name. But that’s not your problem. You’re not supposed to be here anyway. So, you turn and walk away……………….. “Do you want a corn dog?” Yet, somehow, you find yourself shown up in front of him regardless, arm extended with the stick of deep fried batter. Taehyung’s caught off guard, eyes wide but you’ve already diverted your vision, staring off at the side with an unknowing pout. You can’t keep running away. You don’t want to. The last time you did, Taehyung’s mother suffered the consequences of your inaction. “I don’t know what they call it here in Ashea, but it’s a corn dog to me.” The pair of you end up sitting together on a bench on the outskirts of the festival. The enormous teddy bear you won sits upright to your left as Taehyung is on your right. You’d be shrouded in darkness if not for the dim luminescence of the strung lights at the distance. You bite into the hot corn dog, listening to the crunch and Taehyung’s chewing beside you. He doesn’t say much, so you focus on gobbling up the oily treat. Truth be told, you feel pity for Taehyung. Guilty. In a lot of ways, the two of you are similar. Outcasted. Isolated. The game developers are real assholes for creating this kind of backstory for the main antagonists while all the protagonists do is fall in love. Once you’re done eating, you wipe your hands onto your navy pea coat. The maids can clean it later. “This is actually the first time I’ve been to the Solar Festival,” you pipe up, swinging your legs on the edge of the bench. He looks at you, chewing in his cheek. “It’s mine too.” You figured. Suddenly, a surge of motivation washes over you. Alright! You got some money on you. You can blow your entire allowance today and make it the best day ever for Taehyung! You twist yourself to him with conviction set in your eyes. He’s startled and leans back. “Is there anything you want to do here then?!” The corner of his mouth tugs. “Not really.” You deflate. “Oh.” It simmers down into quietness again, the bustle filling the spaces in between. Taehyung looks straight ahead yet you still catch his timid voice. “I never thought I’d see you again.” It sinks in after a delayed second and you turn to him slowly. “You remember me?” It was less than five minutes. Three years ago. A brief encounter at his mother’s burial. “Why would I forget?” Taehyung smiles softly to himself. “So I’m just happy sitting here beside you.” In hindsight, he probably wouldn’t have followed you or eaten beside you compliantly if you were a complete stranger to him. But to hear him say that aloud, you feel even sadder. You’re probably the closest thing he has to a friend right now. You become silent, the knowledge of his future and yours heavy upon your shoulders. “Revenge isn’t as great as you think it is,” you mutter. The ten-year old boy frowns. “Pardon?” You shake your head. “Never mind.” What’s the point? It’s not like you could say anything to make it better. You know he’s dead set on it, on avenging his mother’s murder and you can’t even blame him for being so angry. For being so fixated. So lonely. He’s hidden in the castle’s shadows — the only person who cared for him is gone. You recall from the wikipage on the characters that it’s around this time Taehyung starts dabbling in magic by himself. He ends up becoming one of the greatest magicians in the empire, but obviously winds up using it for bad. You eagerly twist yourself towards the boy, nearly nose to nose with him. “Don’t learn magic!” “What?” Taehyung’s frowning, unable to understand where your random demand came from. You lean closer to him. “Magicians aren’t that great and magic can blow up in your face. Literally.” A beat later, your eyes stray off of Taehyung’s eyes to three figures in the distance. Jungkook is spinning in every direction, lugging his legs, expression tired and begrudging. The two knights are also looking around and you realize they’re searching for you. “I have to go.” You hop onto your feet and grab your brown bear. “Bye!” “Wait!” Taehyung whips himself around, but by then, you’ve already run off. His hand slips into the cloak’s pocket and he looks down at the pink handkerchief in hand with a small sigh. You feel bad about leaving him behind, but you hope he enjoys the festival even if it’s just a little.

The room is small, dark and dank. With only a single bed in a wooden frame and a wardrobe, he often sits facing the window, looking up at the azure sky and the cotton clouds that are drifting past. “Your Highness.” A maid knocks at the door and he turns, sliding off the bed to follow after her quietly without question. The only time he’s allowed to leave his bedroom is to the study. ‘Even if he’s a bastard child, no son of the King can be uneducated’ is what they said. “You got two wrong on your examination.” The tutor flips over the parchments. “I’m surprised you managed to memorize up to the fifth volume of the Kalisis scriptures and the fundamental theory of Mahhild, but we’ll have to review Ashea’s sacred Imperial Language.” Taehyung nods. “I’m sorry.” “Do better next time.” Silence settles as the older man puts aside the parchment and goes to pull books from the nearby shelves. In the meanwhile, Taehyung’s eyes stray outside the window to the wispy clouds, keeping still in his seat. He doesn’t ask many questions. He simply learns what is given to him and apologizes when he fails. But his mind strays to a girl in a navy pea coat, someone with a soft expression, who somehow always appears in front of him when he needs it most. And he can’t help his curiosity— “Sir.” At the sound of his voice, the tutor turns around. “Do you...happen to know anyone by the name of Anastasia?” The older man’s brow quirks. “You mean the Crown Prince’s fiancée, Anastasia Loretta Devereux?” Taehyung’s caught off guard. “Fiancée?” “Why do you ask?” “N-No reason. I just heard of the name somewhere.” He looks away and the man finishes grabbing the textbooks, dropping them down on the surface in front of him. Taehyung’s fist is crumpled in his lap, quiet. He didn’t know you were Jungkook’s fiancée. He didn’t know you were from the Devereux house either. Even he’s heard of that name before — the Duke’s house is an influential one. Taehyung doesn’t know anything about you. He realizes it now. But that doesn’t mean his desire has dwindled away. He still wants to see you again. “Is it...possible to travel to another estate, but not by carriage?” “Not by carriage?” The tutor pushes up his spectacles, puzzled by the inquiry that has come out of nowhere. “There’s horse, boat, ship, teleportation, but of course, you’re not allowed to use magic. Is there somewhere you would like to go?” He quickly shakes his head. They would never let him leave. But he’s tired of waiting for the next encounter, for the next coincidence. That night, Taehyung cracks open the door of his room. The hallway is swallowed in darkness with only a tiny sliver of the moon’s luminescence that will wane away tomorrow. So with his breath hitched and no one in sight, he slips into the shadows. He traces his steps down the corridor, turning the corner, up the small staircase and enters the library next door to the study. Taehyung cringes as the glass doors creak, but once the gap is large enough, he fits himself through. The bookcases tower up three floors, ceiling high and the walkways between shelves narrow. He doesn’t know where he should go, so he twists through the endless library and glances at the spines of the books before moving on. It’s half an hour later that he finds what he’s looking for. Magic: A Basic Guide for Beginners. Taehyung reaches up on the tips of his toes and smoothly pulls the spine from its slot. He holds the emerald green cover to his chest and beelines straight out of the library. He arrives back in his room with little to no trouble and sits on the floor far away from the door. Taehyung’s back leans against the wooden bedpost and he faces the window to allow the silver light to catch onto the cover. He cracks it open a second later and flips through the crisp pages until he finds what he’s looking for. Teleportation. A type of transport magic that allows one to travel to different locations without having to traverse the spaces in between. It is accomplished by the user visualizing the desired location and channeling their mana. If successful, the user will disappear from their current location and materialize at their desired location. Transportation is by far the fastest way to travel between large distances. However, the success in which a user is able to teleport is dependent on skill level, inborn magical abilities and how detailed the location can be visualized. Taehyung reads each word carefully and flips over the page to see if there are more details. Once he realizes that’s all to be read, he shuts his eyes. He doesn’t know where you are. He doesn’t know what the Devereux estate looks like. But he thinks about you. The girl who handed him that pink handkerchief, the one who appeared in front of him with a stick of food, who sat beside him underneath that tree, on that bench. Please let me see her again. Please. Please. Through sheer willpower, Taehyung suddenly feels a rush in his body as if he’s falling inside a dream. His senses tingle. Then, there’s cold wind pulling against his cheeks and through his hair, the moonlight no longer shining on his eyes. His lashes flutter as his lid pulls open. He’s standing in an empty, grassy field. But at the horizon is an illuminated manor. The corner of his mouth tugs and he takes a step towards it. But— “No. No!” He feels himself being pulled back. A force that prevents him from moving any further. Taehyung’s arm stretches out towards the manor the size of his thumb as if he could grab onto it. But no matter how hard he tries to stay, the next moment he blinks, he’s returned to the small, dark, dank room. Taehyung’s chest rises and falls. He was so close. There’s a quiet knock at the door and he jolts out of his trance. Instantly, he pushes the book underneath the bed. The door cracks open. Luckily, it isn’t a maid, servant or someone who’s come to punish him. It’s a dark haired boy with doe eyes, his younger brother who’s two inches shorter than he is. “Taehyung?” Taehyung stands up. “What are you doing here?” Jungkook pouts, dressed in oversized, silk pajamas. “I thought we could play.” “You know the Queen won’t be happy if she sees me with you.” “I know.” Jungkook’s voice is pitched, brown eyes looking into his. Yet, he’s still hesitant at the doorway. “But no one will know!” His younger brother is clueless. He has no idea what consequences or punishment means. He’s the Crown Prince. Pampered. Beloved. Everything he wants, he gets. He came here to play without knowing that if anyone saw, Taehyung would be the one punished. Starved. Locked into his room. There’s a reason he’s kept in the cold Western towers and Jungkook is free to roam the South, East and Northern wings. The entire castle is at his feet. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair that Taehyung wants to scream. But no one will hear. They’re the same. Two boys with the same father. A few months apart. Yet one is loved and the other loathed. Taehyung’s afraid one day he will come to hate Jungkook. “We still shouldn’t. Go back to bed, Jungkook.” “I can’t even stay for a minute?” He huffs out, shoulders slumping, dejected. Taehyung pulls the covers and climbs into his bed. After another moment, Jungkook gives up. “Fine. Goodnight.” The door shuts and Taehyung rolls on his side to look out the window. He was so close. A few more minutes and it would’ve been enough. // Taehyung guesses he has a natural gift for magic. The book says transportation is one of the more difficult spells that needs a lot of practice, but he made it on his first try without even knowing where the estate is. The place only becomes more vivid in his mind the more times he goes. It becomes easier for him to visualize, easier for him to visit. And he tries with every chance he gets, every moment of his day, every minute spent alone. Taehyung steals these secret seconds that have become what he looks forward to most. It’s the reason why he wakes up. Each time, he gathers his magic and teleports himself, it’s an opportunity to see you. This time, it’s in the afternoon after lunch is brought to his room. Taehyung shuts his eyes and tries to imagine the manor with its brown walls, rounded windows, green field, a majestic arcway door. When he opens his eyes and looks down at his hands materializing, he discovers that he’s at the side of the house, standing next to the wall. “My lady!” Taehyung jolts and peeks out from the corner. There’s a maid looking around and shouting with her hands cupped around her mouth. “My lady! Your dance lessons are starting! My lady?!” His eyes stray upwards and the corner of his mouth tugs when he finds you in a tall tree. You’re wearing a brown dress with a flower bonnet, hidden up in the branches with a mischievous smile as you look down at the dismayed maid who’s completely oblivious. He stifles back a laugh. But it withers away when his body starts to fade. No. No! When Taehyung blinks again, he’s returned to his room. Back to where he belongs. He slumps down on his bed in disappointment. He wanted it to last longer. But maybe next time. Next time, he’ll try harder and maybe then…..maybe then, he’ll actually get to talk to you. // The next evening, when no one’s around, Taehyung tries once more. He shuts his eyes and thinks of you, thinks about the land, the house. And it comes faster to him this time. He doesn’t have to wait as long before he feels the breeze against his cheeks, the air fresh to his nose. He’s placed at the same spot as yesterday, by the wall near the back. Except neither you nor a maid are outside. In your place is the sun setting over the horizon, the rays casting into his eyes through the tree branches. The sky is painted in shades of a blazing bonfire, amber, ruby, citrine. But Taehyung’s not here to admire the outside world. He looks down at his hands to make sure he’s materialized and he starts pacing around the perimeter of the manor. He ducks beneath windows when workers or kitchen staff walk by and sneaks along the walls to make sure he’s not caught. It seems like he won’t be able to find you today. But then he hears a— “ha!” followed by a metal whistle as something cuts through the air. Taehyung peeks through the window to see you swinging your sword in the middle of your bedroom. You’re twirling it around, but after a moment, the weapon clanks to the ground and you drop down next to it on your butt. “God, I’m so tired!” Taehyung smiles to himself. His fist lifts to knock on the glass. At the same time, the corner of your eye catches movement. So you turn your head. But there’s nothing there. Your brows furrow and you blink hard. But there really is nothing outside your windows. You swore you saw someone. Maybe you’re just going crazy. You should probably call quits for tonight and stop practicing. You don’t know that miles away, Taehyung has appeared back in his room, looking down at his hands stitching into its form, materializing in the small, dark, and dank space. More importantly, he doesn’t see the horrified maid standing at the open doorway until it’s too late. He’s been caught. “Where did you go?” Taehyung’s thrown onto the marble flooring, cheek bruised at the Queen’s feet. She looks down at him, dressed in a luxurious black gown with golden flowers, hair pulled in an updo with silver ornaments. The maid who tattled smirks as she stands on the sidelines. A guard passes the Queen the emerald spell book and she glances at it before tossing it on the ground where he’s been flung. “And don’t you dare try to deny it.” Taehyung sharply inhales at his stinging cheek and looks to the open book. He exhales a silent breath of relief. They don’t have the handkerchief. If they did, she would’ve ripped it in front of him and thrown down the shreds. He’s glad he hid it well between his pillowcase. “I...I just wanted to go outside. I’m sorry.” “You’re lying.” Taehyung looks up. “I swear—!” Before he can inhale, Taehyung’s head is suddenly whipped to his side. The sound of the slap echoes through the lavish chamber and his hand lifts to cup at his numb cheek now printed with the Queen’s diamond rings. “You lie!” she spits at him, eyes narrowed in. “You think I was born yesterday?! There’s no reason for you to use magic to go outside. I know what you’re doing. You’re conspiring against me! Against the King. You’re trying to get rid of your brother and take the throne for yourself! Who taught you?! Who were you visiting?! Tell me.” Taehyung grits his teeth. He turns his head to look back at the woman. His hands crumple into fists. “No one.” Tears flood his vision. All he wanted was to see you. But he’s weak. He can’t do anything. Much less fulfill his only wish. “You dare lie to me again?” She scoffs. “Whoever it is, I will find them and I will punish them.” He can’t protect himself. He couldn’t protect his own mom. But he can still protect you. “I said, no one taught me and I was seeing no one.” She scoffs loudly and points to the maid by the door. “You there! Report to the King what you found out. When you’re done, let everyone know that this bastard is to be confined to his room for the next three months on full watch. Make sure he won’t be able to leave no matter what.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” The Queen stands, height looming over the ten-year old boy. She looks him dead in the eye, lips curling into a snarl. “Don’t think this is the end of it. I won’t let you run around and do as you wish like your whorish mother did. You can deny it for all you want. You won’t eat until you speak.” “Take him away!” she shouts at the guards and they grab the back of his collar, dragging him upwards and out. Taehyung doesn’t scream, he doesn’t cry. His eyes dim as he looks at the woman until the gap of the door shuts in his face. He won’t see you anymore. Not until he becomes strong enough. Inside the room, the Queen collapses back onto her sofa. She sighs heavily and rubs her throbbing temples between her fingertips. Her personal attendant comes to her side and bows. “Is there anything I can do for you, Your Majesty?” “It’s suffocating being here,” she mutters and drops her hand. “Hmm, maybe I’ll take the trip down to the Summer Palace in Florendale early this year.” The maid dips her head. “I will make the preparations then.”

Edith swiftly enters the room one morning, drawing the curtains roughly and shedding the blinding sunlight into your still-sleepy eyes. You wince and pull the covers over your head, but she rips them off of you unceremoniously. What the hell. Seriously?! “It’s time to get ready.” “Why?” you groan, peeling one eye open and pressing your cheek to your pillow. Edith doesn’t stop moving. She opens the doors to your wardrobe and starts picking through the racks of dresses. “The Queen is on her deathbed with the incurable plague. The Duke and Duchess will be leaving for the castle immediately within ten minutes. You must go with them to fulfill your duties as the heir of the Devereux house.” It takes a delayed moment for the information to sink into your foggy mind. But then, you’re bolting upright with wide eyes. “Wait. What?!” You’re horrified. This isn’t part of the original game. The Queen is supposed to be alive and well even past your supposed execution date! But there’s no time to dwell when your face is washed and you’re dressed in a black gown, barely enough time to brush your hair. You’re rushed into the carriage and the coachman rides at a hasty speed. Your mother, in the meanwhile, lectures you to stay quiet and solemn. Your entire family soon arrives at the familiar castle and you’re guided to the main hall. Jungkook is sobbing in the corner, being comforted by a swarm of attendants. You’re at a loss, looking around, trying to grasp what’s going on. There’s no sight of Taehyung whatsoever. Your father, carrying the high status of the Duke, manages to visit the King and the Queen in their personal chambers. You’re brought along behind your mother, staying silent as she had instructed you to do. Your parents offer their condolences, but when you peek out behind her and past the royal healers, blood drains from your face. The Queen is pale. Barely breathing in her bed. Cysts and welts bubble on her wrinkled skin. Even you know she’s not going to recover. But how? How did this happen?! The respects your parents give doesn’t last long. You’re soon being brought into the main hall again in favour of delegates from the smaller Eastern empire giving their condolences. But on your way, you catch the murmurs of the maids. “—plague in Florendale.” “How awful! If only Her Majesty went in the Autumn season as she usually does. I don’t know why she chose to go earlier this year.” “It was truly the wrong place at the wrong time.” — “A tragedy!” — “Why is Her Majesty’s fate so unfortunate?” You can barely stitch together the pieces of what happened and all the gaps in between are full of more questions. Why these changes are happening. Why the original game is changing so much. What this means. A feeling of uncertainty swells inside of you.

#bts fanfic #bts scenario #taehyung fanfic #taehyung scenario #taehyung fluf #taehyung angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenario #jungkook fluff #LETS GOOOO

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imhereformysciencefriends · 6 years ago

Text

Day 7: New Life

@gamzeeweek

They set the mug down delicately upon the doily, and leaned back while crossing their legs.

“Again,” they ordered calmly.

“Again, honored one? What do you mean?”

“I mean start it all over. There were some salvageable moments, some decent parts, but honestly? Just scrap the whole thing. Do it all over, from the top.”

“From the—the beginning, honored one? All the way?”

“All the way.”

“But, honored one, that—”

“I know what I’m doing,” they said calmly, taking another sip of their tea. “Now. One more time, with feeling.”

—

You are a wriggler, and you are so, so, so full of love. This screechy ass troll as is ten times your size is your favorite person, ever, in the whole world, and you are going to Climb On Him. He is your best friend, the best ever, you love him so much—

And then it is time for you to go through the portal onto the meteor which crash lands down onto Alternia, and while you don’t know it because you are just a wriggler, the meteor is made of hyper-cushioning materials that prevented you from what would surely otherwise be a disastrous demise. You are at the fringes of the brooding caverns, far from the mouth where wrigglers as went through The Trials emerge to find loving custodians. You are found by a seagoat, who didn’t really want a wriggler, but had to go near-ish the caverns anyway, because of biology. You, of course, do not know this. You just know that this is your lusus, and you love him more than anything else in the entirety of everything ever.

“No, no, that’s no good. Move the meteor so it lands there.”

“Honored one, the adult jadebloods…”

“I know, but we need to take a calculated risk here. Have the meteor land there.”

You go through the portal onto the meteor which crash lands down onto Alternia, and while you don’t know it because you are just a wriggler, the meteor is made of hyper-cushioning materials that prevented you from what would surely otherwise be a disastrous demise. You are just outside the mouth of the brooding caverns, the impact of your landing shaking the caves below. But you do not care, because you are a wriggler. You squeal happily when a tidegoat mouths at the tuft of hair growing between your horns. You chirr happily up at him, and crawl onto his back. You are happy, because you know that this is your lusus, and you love him more than anything else in the entirety of everything ever.

What you do not know, because you are still very new you see, is that a tidegoat is similar to a seagoat in the same way that rabbits are similar to hares. While, outwardly, they look very much alike, with only a difference in size, a seagoat, like a hare, is actually far more terrifying and emotionally unavailable than its smaller counterpart. They are also genetically incompatible. Who knew? Not you. You’re just a little baby.

Tidegoatdad takes very good care of you, showing you how to wade in the tidepools and how to hold a sea urchin without hurting yourself or it, showing you the good places to look for shells and making sure you’re always inside by sunrise. He feeds you seaweed and fish and occasional squirrel, and makes you do your schoolfeeds while he sleeps curled up round your back like Alternia’s most comfortable couch. Sometimes he’ll let you bodypaint on that pretty white fur and flubber of his, even though it always washes off when you two go play in the brine and waves later.

You make a friend with this neat sea-sis, a bright eyed, sharp toothed sister as can’t go much farther than your shore. Her lusus don’t like it none when she strays too far, and you understand. Tidegoatdad can breathe down your neck a little too. But that’s okay, because he’s your lusus, and you know he only does it because he loves you so very motherfucking much. You and fishsis all up and get your friendship on, and she drags her moirail out to meet you too.

That brother is a motherfucking piece of work. Even with the two of you at him, he is still so reluctant to make strides towards being a nicer person. You can’t even imagine what he’d turn out without the both of you, there to keep him in check and in friendship. You do not know that you ain’t supposed to like them. That clowns and fish don’t get along. You are a clown and they are your friends, and you keep ‘em close to your pusher always.

You meet a sweet boy online as does steal your heart, and then break it also. You keep friendship, though, after. His friendship means more to you than his heart ever could, and the two of you spit fire and rhythm as is good and right. You meet a harsh boy as does rankle his hackles at every motherfucking thing, and although you ain’t subtle for shit, he don’t ever seem to notice how you drip diamonds whenever you speak to him.

You’re awful excited to meet them in person. A wicked smart brother and sister of yours are making this game that is supposed to let you meet them and you are all kinds of holy motherfucking gleeful.

—

“See, isn’t this better?”

“It is, honored one. It really, really is. But, I worry, honored one; the plot…”

“Will sort itself out. Keep watching.”

—

The game is more fun than you thought it’d be. It’s definitely upsetting when your lusus dies, that one you didn’t stop crying on until Karkat did come to the Land of Tents and Mirth and talk you down from it. But other than that, it’s fun. You’re on a different team from Feferi and Eridan, except it turns out not really, you were all teammates all along! You think that is a very nice prank for the universe to pull on you. You are on a team with Karkat and Tavros, right from the start, and that is very fun and excellent.

You guess it’s also kind of a bummer that the world ended. But, eh, nothing’s permanent.

Now you’re chilling on this wicked ass motherfucking meteor with all your good friends (and some friends as aren’t too good, just yet, but you look forward to being better friends (and that one chica as scares you something terrible)). A pink-skinned motherfucker as your sniffsis has been up and motherfucking obsessed with lately sends you a link to some motherfuckin’ music video, and as near as you can tell, he’s making mockery of your religion?

You ain’t got super close ties to the mirthful churchful. Especially now, since the world ended. Still, it makes you kinda pissed off that this brother would send you something with sole intention of upsetting you. It worked; you are upset. So you take a walk to clear your head, even though your best bro did tell everyone to stay where he could keep eyes on them. He’s busy trolling… someone, though, and it ain’t like you’re going to get into trouble.

You meander, opening chests here or there as you pass. One has this fugly ass puppet in it. Maybe if you were actually upset, instead of just a lil pissy, you would take this motherfucking comfort item and hold it, and look in its eyes because you want the plush, cottony comfort of something vaguely trolloid, but you aren’t, so you don’t. You just chuck it in your sylladex and forget about it on a colorful capcha card you ain’t ever going to open again. Staring at the pretty colors does calm you down some. You’re thinking clear, again, and meander with a lil kick in your step.

—

“See, honored one? He’s deviating from the plot.”

“Yes,” they said, delightedly pulling a rice cracker from the sleeve. “And thus, creating a new one.”

—

You lose the kick in your step when you encounter upon a collection of cliffs in the meteor. Where you are stands tall above some other pathway, where your sweet motherfuckin’ Tavbro and that bitch as scares you so badly are. She’s mocking him with his severed legs. The legs she did paralyze in the first place. They’re going to fight.

You—

“Give him a little nudge. Just a little one. Gamzee tends to lock up in high adrenaline situations, I don’t want him to be inactive for this.”

“Yes, honored one.”

—move. Your body going seeming without your brain’s consent, at first, but once the first step is made forward, the rest follow natural as blood flowing in your veins.

You drop down from the height, one club grasped in two fronds, and you

take

her

head

clear

off.

She would’ve killed him. She’d had his lance in her hand poised and aimed at his chest. Half a second, less, and she would’ve pierced the bloodpump as you hold as precious and dear as you do. She would’ve killed him.

It don’t make what you did any better.

The tears come immediate, panic following.

You killed her.

You took your club and laid it in the head of a sister whose name you knew! You killed her!

You grasp and tear at your hair, shrieking, wailing. You didn’t mean to, you—god, oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god!

The guilt wells up alongside the panic and you are blind to all else, seeing only blue, blue, blue, and your own bile. You killed her! How could you do that! Her blood is on your hands, on your club, in your hair, soaking into the knees of your pants where you kneel and keen high and distressed through your gurgling tears. You do not know where you are going when Tavros lifts you to your feet with his strong and gentle hands, you do not know where he leads you. Your pan is full of only guilty panic, and the color blue. You follow where he leads.

He leads you to Karkat, back in the common room, who you rush to in the need of a diamond returned. You are sobbing and aching and panicked and vulnerable, and you need him, you need him, you need him to be gentle with you, to gentle you down, you have never needed him more in your life.

It will strike you, later, that that is exactly the kind of romantic bullshit that Karkat motherfucking thrives on.

Eridan, Sollux, and Feferi stop whatever conversation it is that they are having to stare in painful awkwardness at you, which you do not make no notice of, and Kanaya ushers them all to the warp pad out the common room, which you also don’t notice but thank her later for doing. Karkat sits you down in the chair he’d been ignoring for favor of standing to rant on his keyboard, and sits backwards in a chair of his own, right in front of you. He’s got his palms on your cheeks and a crooning shoosh on his lips and he’s got you, he’s got you, you’re going to be okay. He shushes you down and gets the story out of you in sobbing parts. How you hadn’t wanted to. How you’d just acted, angry and protective and somehow all rolled up numb, and how you hadn’t been thinking at all until after the deed itself. He asks if it’s kind of like what you did with the Black King, and you guess, kind of. You hadn’t wanted to kill anybody. Hell, you don’t never want to hurt anybody, much less kill. Karkat knows. He knows, and tells you that this ain’t your fault. Vriska was the one trying to kill Tavros, you were just acting in kind. It’s okay.

Terezi interrupts you, one point. On the trail of something or other, she has that look about her when she’s playing investigator-detective and is on the hunt. Don’t say nothing, though, just takes a picture of you and Karkat, hands on teary cheeks, and leaves with a bright cackle.

You stay with Karkat some while after, and when you ask for a hug he gives you one.

Then your phones buzz and Feferi wants you all to come up to the roof. Some sort of excitement is happening with the horrorterrors out in that far off ring, and there’s something to do with the humans?

Nepeta congratulates you immediately on your new diamond when you get there, looking all atwitter. You think it is real motherfuckin’ miraculous of your sister to know all these things about you without your even telling her, like woah. It just happened. Karkat tells you that the two of you are still holding hands, and then Nepeta tells you that Terezi sent her a photo. You are happy to realize that you are, in motherfucking fact, still holding hands with your best beloved, even as he starts screeching at your sisters who do make to laugh at him, while Equius stares on all uncomfortable and sweaty. He offers his congratulations too, stiff and awkward as that brother is always getting to be, and you smile at him a gratitude for his thoughts.

Tavros is near the lip of the roof, staring out into the vastness and the darkness. You want to go to him, but want to let go of Karkat’s hand less, so you stay put.

When the green sun shows up, and three siblings with it, you are well and truly motherfucking dazzled.

Tavros is there to greet Aradia when she returns to life, and you can taste their joy at their reunion. Dave and Rose, them human fuckers, are here too now, which, sick. You have no idea how that happened, but shit if you ain’t excited about it. More friends.

You lose track of happenings real motherfuckin’ quick after that. A green portal opens and a bucket flies through and hits Karkat straight in the horn, and then a whole bunch of people do a whole bunch of things to make the portal bigger and also faster(??), and then there’s a giant ass golden ship flying alongside the meteor as is moving very quickly, and two more human motherfuckers as can come be friends, plus their human Lands of whatevers and whatevers, so you will be able to play around in them and get grist and fraymotifs and shit so long as Jadesis is up and willing to shrinkify you, and you are very unaware of so many things as happened to make this your reality but you are well and truly happy for it.

Seems to you that everything is going to work out just fine.

—

“This… is really good…”

“Yes,” they said proudly, “yes it is.”

“But, honored one, I’m still confused. With Gamzee, you know, happy, how will the circle complete?”

“That circle was stupid anyway,” they said with a wave of their hand. “We’ll simply close another circle instead.”

“Yes, honored one, but how?”

They shrugged. “We shall have to see, won’t we?”

—

The three human years on the meteor go by in a rush of memories that are both happy and not. Life be like that. You are good friends with all gathered there, by the end of it. Dating five boys in a set of full quadrants and chilling with Feferi as you always used to do, on the beach. Aradia, who Sollux and Tavros and Terezi did convince to stay, likes to braid your hair and take you on adventures through the Lands, John is a hilarious motherfucker and Jade is a sweetheart. You improve on fighting by battling imps, learn new fun things to cook, play board games and FLARP without the fatal part and make piles of horns and pillows and empty soda bottles wherever you do please to.

You also, though, get a visit from a different you. An older you. A you with scars you don’t recognize, and Aradia’s music boxes in his hands.

He tells you that there is a task you must do. And you can do it now, or you can do it later, but you gotta do it. You’ll come back right to this time, when you’re done, Aradia’s music boxes won’t fail you, and then you’ll give them back to him and he’ll go back when he’s from.

So you take them, and do as he tells you he did.

You go to an egg all spiral-colored, watch it hatch and cradle the snake as slithers out.

Cherubs grow fast, you learn. Way, way faster than trolls and humans. It ain’t gradual. It’s sorta… all at once, and then nothing for a while, and then spurt! All at once again. You only get to cradle a baby for a few perigees, most. The child is a little longer, but you’re not there for even a full two sweeps before they surge up into adolescence, which will apparently last many sweeps after this.

You set up the two computers while Callie is awake, and ensure she is and always will be in contact with her friends, the neon colored motherfuckers as you haven’t met yet. You also get her contact with your future self, so she won’t be so lonely and fatherless as you would hate to leave her. But you’re not even an adult yourself, and you wonder at why the universe makes you do this while you are so young.

Caliborn claws you up when you tell him it’s time for you to leave, and you do not give him your future self’s contact. If your future self wants to talk to him, he can come here and update Caliborn’s computer his own motherfucking self.

You do love him, though. Bratty as he may be.

Just… you’ll love him more in memory.

You leave, just out of their reach, the keys that your older self gave to you when he handed you the music boxes. You dunno what they’re for, but whichever one of them leaves this place will have something to do with them, you think?

You hug Callie one last time, and head out.

Back on the meteor, you are so, so, so happy to see your friends again. To them, you weren’t even gone a whole hour, but you have not seen them in some sweeps and you have missed them terribly. But this is your role, you guess, like seeing dead bodies is Dave’s, or wrecking reality is Rose’s, or being really cool is Terezi’s.

You don’t let Karkat go for a motherfucking week, purrbox up and running the whole while.

When you do arrive in the new session, everything goes sideways so fast you’d be real motherfuckin impressed if you weren’t one of the things going sideways. Still, between the… how many of you are there? 18? 19? Somewhere ‘round 20 of you, you get it figured out. You don’t wanna really fight any bosses, so you get to chill with the Mayor, who you are all in pretty collective agreement is the best, and Callie! Who’s here! And wearing a ring she got from Roxy, who is a very nice girl who you approve of very much! You hug Callie very tightly and she tells you how much she’s missed you. You’ve missed her too, for all it hasn’t even been a perigee on your end, and the three of you sit and chat (mostly, Callie tells you about her life since you’ve left, and you listen). You’re there when the Mayor’s girlfriend arrives, and she is a very scary lady who you respect a lot.

A lot of things happen all at once, shortly thereafter. All the bosses are defeated, and a lot of people are fraymotifing, and then Feferi and Terezi bring Vriska back to life, and Terezi punches her straight in the face and shouts some seriously pitch black inches at her, and Vriska… changed, when she died. She apologizes and everything, swears to be better, for Terezi, for everyone, and you do not know what is going on there, but hey, if killing her was what it took for her to be a good person, then, you guess you’re almost glad you did…?

That one guilt had been the single worst part of all these last three years, for you. Something as haunted you eternal, no matter how much you jammed with Karkat about it, no matter how all your friends forgave you of it. But to see that in the end, it was for the best, well. You are finally able to let that go.

There are many people on the lily pad. You are one. And you, collectively, have won.

You go through the door, and you obtain your happy ending.

—

“....”

“Dear, are you crying?” they asked gently.

“Yes, honored one. I, I’m just, so happy. He deserves this. They all do.”

“They do,” they agreed, smiling warmly. “Now, how about a soft epilogue?”

—

You’ve been god of this new universe for two sweeps, or four years. Aradia does a lot of time shenanigans, while Dave don’t touch time shit no more. Kanaya likes to meddle and fuss with the past, with the Mayor’s help, and a democratic, socialist society rises up with their efforts and everyone all lives together in joy and happiness. Sometimes people try to sorta… fence themselves off by species, but that is a very dumb and silly thing to try and do, and it never actually keeps at that way for longer than a year or sweep.

You are happily retired from all fighting and magic Rage bullshit, and spend your days happily with your quads and daughter, who is now the same age as you, pretty much. Callie hands you the keys you left her brother and her, at one point, and you borrow Aradia’s boxes and head back to your younger self, since you gotta complete that circle, and a bunch of other circles that you had no idea you actually played a part in. Apparently you’re a pretty involved dude, for all you feel you don’t do a terrible lot. Lots of moving pieces out of your awareness. But that’s fine, that you’re just a domino in a line, you’re happy to be, because what you do sparks a deep joy in you, and you can’t imagine your life going any different from how it’s going now. When you return to your time and retirement, you’re happy to see past!Callie as a contact, and strike up correspondence with your daughter who isn’t the same age as you.

Rose starts up talk with John on going back in time and fighting Lord English when he is young—

“Mm, yes, this is exactly the sort of nonsense that simply will not fly. John doesn’t have retcon powers since there was nothing to retcon, which means the house juju has been successfully removed from the narrative. We cannot be having this.”

‘Yes, honored one. Oh, how about this?”

—and a little protective curl of Rage flickers up in the part of your soul that is magic. You tell them that Lord English might be a bitch and a bastard, but the little one is still only just Caliborn. And Caliborn, for all the scars he gave you and the headaches as didn’t fade for hours after he went to sleep, is still your child, even as you know he is your child that grows up cruel and perverse and pure, straight up, motherfucking evil. They leave him be.

“Oh perfect, well done!”

After that, there is… nothing. No more Game nonsense, no imps or demons or gods. Just you, and the family as isn’t yours by any blood or relation, but is your motherfucking family, by choice and emotion and deep, unwavering love.

You are an adult, and you are so, so, so full of love.

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ts-2020-olympics · 5 years ago

Text

EPISODE 2 - “Landen’s Going Home” - Emma

youtube

Billy's back! If we lose I am screwed heavily, though I do think there's a chance. Slide puzzles aren't my thing, so hoping for the best out of this.

Kathy, I'm voting for you. Bailey had a good excuse for not doing the challenge, and I haven't heard anything from you, whatsoever. Hate to say it, but your ass is grass, pal.

i'm gonna be a lazy bitch and do a written confessional this round bc i look too ugly for a video. so, basically after the events that transpired last round, jordan came begging at my feet for my forgiveness after lying to me about the vote. he doesn't realize that i knew what he was doing before the fact thanks to sammy, so i just played along and acted like i didn't know and told him that i understood his perspective and understand him lying to me. but believe me, a bitch never forgets being lied to. like, if he can so easily lie to me this early in the game, how am i supposed to trust him going forward? i guess it doesn't really matter because he's he easy boot if we happen to lose again before a swap. but i think i did a good job of making him feel like i wasn't mad so that he will trust me in the event of a swap or if we lose again he won't vote me. also, i'm pretty confident that both sammy and caeleb consider me their closest ally. they both tell me about their findings in the village so i'm getting two people per round telling me where not to go, so that's super helpful. i could see the three of us going far but i'm sure that the two of them will go for each other eventually, especially if they are both competing to have me be their number one. i'm fine with it tbh. sammy also got a vote block from the village. so now he has an idol that lasts for two more tribals, and a vote block lasting for one more tribal. so definitely think sammy is of more use to me at the moment especially since he has all of these advantages. my tribe won immunity this round which is nice. i'm glad i can just relax and not worry about a tribal. i hope we can keep winning until a swap bc i think all 3 people left on my tribe could be of use to me. also fuck connor, he told everyone at the arena that me and caeleb have a premade, as if we even knew each other before this game. someone is bitter that he couldn't make relationships and was first boot. so im sure that information is spreading around and i should probably worry about that. but oh well, i'm just gonna focus on winning for now! woo go me.

Alright, so here we are, the first loss of the 2020 Tumblr Olympics. Sure, we may have had the Silver medal bonus for that challenge, but the tribe just isn't suited I guess towards slide puzzles, and plus Bailey was busy so wasn't able to compete like we had hoped. It's all good though, as I always say that life comes before an online game, so nothing but respect. Anyways, I formed a three person alliance with Beck & Ben, basically as far as I am aware, us three are the most active on the tribe, and really only ones that talk much on the tribe, so basically they are the only two I really connected with enough to be able to put my trust in, just hopefully this alliance all works out for now. Then in terms of this vote, I feel it will be Kathy going, as she just doesn't seem all too dedicated towards the game/is a little inactive, and not talking really to anybody, so even though I do like Kathy, just inside this game, at least at this stage of the game, we need tribe strength, and she just isn't going to be putting that through whilst not being as active as others. Anything can happen though, and there is still the arena yet so who knows, the person voted out of this tribe could end up coming back with a gold medal.

i'm pretty sad that my tribe is going to tribal but at the same time i'm confident i won't be leaving, mostly because 2/5 of our tribe members aren't very active. i also have this alliance with ben and darcy now which seems like a strong trio, so even though we lost immunity it could be a LOT worse. unfortunately the downside is that if we're voting out kathy (which is most likely) she's probably too inactive to do the arena challenge, so we're not gonna get any medals in the arena... but that's alright i suppose, we just have to work hard for the next one. if ben can't participate in the next immunity challenge i feel like our tribe is gonna be in a really tough spot. but i'm praying for the best anyway.

Not gonna lie, slide puzzles are awful for immunity challenges, especially if the RNG is manipulated just right. There's a way to solve them correctly every time, but to do it in the minimal number of moves requires that everything go your way in terms of luck. I'll take the L, but I am not happy.

i’m honestly so frustrated that emma didn’t even submit but! she’s such a sweetheart that i felt really awful voting to get her out, but that was just a lil. hm. also apparently i’m close to her now? so that was inch resting to hear. thank u billy

Landons going home

my truth is that i keep forgetting check my skype and i want my teammates to glock me and vote me out

Even with the gold medal I won, we still somehow end up going to tribal. Tell me, HOW THE FUCK DO WE MANAGE TO DO SOMETHING LITERALLY SO ASTRONOMICAL?! It drives me mad how we had such a big advantage...christ. Anyway, a few things I'm thinking about heading into tribal. A) Everyone voted me last time, so I'm playing this one a little more no holds barred. B) I'm thinking about what's the biggest advantage to me whether the person I vote out comes back or fucks off into 24th place. C) I couldn't care less about how we're doing in challenges at the moment. I want people who'll be loyal to me, and in return people that I can put my faith in. Right now, that's Emma and Emma only. However, she didn't participate in the challenge, so it's a little bit of an awkward situation. I know that Landen, can be an extremely good player UTR heading later into the game, and to be honest I feel like he's a bit shady. So, adios to him. I get Emma and Juls vote, and Jacob if he cares enough, easy done. I'm 99% sure tribal will go my way tonight, here's to hoping the odds are in my favour!

I am now apparently a swing vote somehow someway. Landen or Emma goes. I would prefer to vote out neither of them, but hey, I could end up going to. Were you expecting something better? nah. Five player tribes SUCK. Billy and Landen are battling for control of the tribe. I kindof like that battle to continue. Plus I trust Landen, kindof. If Juls is voting Landen, I vote Landen because there's no point. If Juls votes Em, then I vote Em. If Juls doesn't respond before the vote, uh, we'll see. I think she'd be more likely to vote out Landen, but like idk. EIther way, none of these people are me, and I am a number to anyone involved. Mission success? I just need to challenge beast a little bit more.

Ughhh I don't want to be making this confessional right now. Hardly anything has changed since the last time I went to tribal, in terms of my annoyance with the team. We were SO close to winning, we almost had it, and we could've gotten it if Emma had just SUBMITTED. I actually really like her too so it's really frustrating that she does this but I can't justify keeping her when she just.... didn't submit. Not only that but she never apologized, commented on it, or anything. Like that's just plain disrespectful. So I'm wanting to vote her out. Unfortunately I feel like Juls is way too close with her, their bond is dangerous and Juls probably feels like she has to work with Em because they are some of the only girls in the gay-infested ORG community so they just feel a natural connection from that, and they are similar in other ways as well. I definitely feel like those two being as close as they are will be dangerous to me tonight and I know for a fact my name was going around, too. I heard about that from Jacob and it's not surprising at all they would throw my name out. The danger is they could abuse Billy, and they know it. They're definitely trying to get me voted out, and they're definitely trying to use Billy as a number to do it. Which is absolutely ridiculous since they were the first ones to throw his name out and push for it, but oh well. A snake's a snake, and I'm going to try and chop this one's tail off. Notice I said the tail because Emma is literally useless and does absolutely nothing and she's lucky Juls is tryna carry her through this. I'm pressedt. I definitely know I'm in danger and it's like, whatever. If I go in, I'm fine, I can presumably make my way out of the arena and back to the game where I can wreak havoc and be righteously emotional because taking me, the person who got the best score and has been making the most effort to actually talk to people on this deadbeat fucking tribe, out, in Round 2, is kinda just psychotic. I'm absolutely livid and I just... Ugh, it has not been the best week and this game is just starting off so slow and I hate my tribe SO much like it's literally disgusting. I used to hate the One World Twist and I still do as a concept, but thank GOD for it being in this one because I can only tolerate my tribe thanks to being able to talk to people from the other tribes like Jacob, Sammy, Caeleb, etc. I just want this round to be over with and to stop losing for just a few rounds. whew that's all i have to say fuck emma for throwing this

So I survived tribal! That's great! I was really hoping it wasn't going to be like a permanent red mark against my record. I obviously had a plan for if I did go into the arena, and I figured I would survive, but I'm really glad I don't have to have that permanent scratch on my Tumblr Survivor Record now, and hopefully that makes the endgame easier to navigate. You have to consider things like the FTC early in seasons like these because of the one World Twist and the Arena twist. Both totally impact whether the jury will vote for you, and so it's important to be thinking far more ahead than one usually thinks in Survivor. I'm honestly SHOCKED that I survived tribal tonight, I was 100% Juls and Billy were voting for me, but I'm really glad it happened. I think this confirmed my loyalty with Billy, but in tribal I did come off passive aggressive and honestly, they can deal with it. I wanted to be slightly entertaining but still try to sound rational and sane in where I was coming from, hopefully I accomplished like that? Like I was just so frustrated that my name was in genuine consideration, from what *I* had heard. Like... why the fuck? I got the highest score in the challenge, offered to do flag and did chant for the other team, Emma did nothing both times, it was obvious she should've been the vote. And I'm really happy all the tribe came around with that. I'm really happy I can appreciate loyalty from the people I've grown to like on this tribe. I think I can count on Jacob as a number, and as far as Juls and Billy go, I love those two man. They are great people and I love talking to them. The only issue I have with this tribe is everyone is quiet and shaky and on such a small tribe, everyone gives indefinite answers and it makes things fucking awkward and paranoia runs rampant as you saw tonight. I'm just happy to be safe, have numbers, and be out of the damn Arena. That being said, this tribe is still too tiny and with a possibly furious Emma coming back to exact revenge (and I know she has a lovely heart and personality so I'm definitely expecting her to win over an army) I want to swap out of here as fast as possible so I can begin building my own path to a glimmering throne.

He’s not as good at challenges as billy, and I’m close with juls and Jacob so I’m not voting them, and billy is immune And everyone is voting with me in theory except landen Next round I’m hoping we don’t go to tribal lol

This tribe kindof hates each other. Landen and Billy are distrustful of each other. Emma and Landen are also distrustful. Juls and Landen and Emma and Billy are pairs if we want to go that far. I am good with Emma and Landen, Emma slightly less so now, but I did help her out quite a bit. I'm playing both sides pretty well, let's see how far that'll get me, cause I need to be incredibly careful. Juls is also viewed as a greater swing vote, so if both sides-ing does come back to bite us, it should bite Juls before me. Hopefully Emma comes back.

so round two has been a bit better, i think ive repaired all my relationships on my tribe and even managed to stand out in the challenge so maybe they think theyll need me and keep me around. Long story short i think I have longevity for now, but to be completely honest the longer this twist is in the game where once im voted out i just have to beat somoene in a challenge to get back like, im not overly concerned

Just wanted to ask HOW WERE WE ABLE TO WIN IMMUNITY WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A MEDAL?!?!?!?!?!? *cackling* Also Connor getting voted out is what he gets for saying in the main chat to vote me out. <3 u Connor <3

youtube

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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kira-fluff · 6 years ago

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could you do a request with MC having tons of beautiful tattoos all over her (like her stomach, arms, thighs, and hands) with RFA?

Sorry this is such a looooong wait!! I’ve been meaning to get back into writing. Anyways here you go anon! P.S. I also added a little surprise at the end ;)

Yoosung

-Yoosung would be very surprised at first

-Like

-“WHOAA that’s SuPeR CooL”

-You’d grin as you show him the tattoos coating almost every inch of your body

-Won’t stop talking about how you like one of his favorite video game characters

-Often asks you to cosplay

-And if you’re up for it, then you’d go quite often to Cons and LARPs with Yoosung

-And get lots of compliments

-But not just about your tattoos ;)

-You laugh it off and thank them with a smile

-Until you turn and see a little pout on Yoosung’s face

-You bite back a smile

-“What’s wrong, Yoosung?”

-He’d continue to pout until you pester him a bit longer

-He finally gives in eventually, despite his stubborn personality

-Because you’re you.

-And Yoosung can never say no to you

-He’d slowly make out the words to tell you

-“…I just don’t like all those guys looking at you…”

-You bit you lip to keep you from laughing

-“Yoosung…I’m cosplaying..they’re supposed to look at me”

-“WELL NOT LIKE THAT!!”

-“Like what?”

-“Like you’re some,,,some sNaCK!”

-Oh?

-You have failed, you’re bursting out laughing

-“Y/N it’s not funny! Seriously!!” he’d cry out in frustration

-But you’re laughing at his jealousy

-Because…

-Does he not realize you’re already his?

Zen

-So as you all know

-Zen used to be the “baddest boy”

-…..sure Zen….

-When he meets you and sees all the tattoos decorating your arms as well as you neck and legs

-“..You know, Y/N, I used to have a friend that had a ton of tattoos too”

-Thinks it makes you the edgiest thing ever

-Brags about you ALL THE TIME in the RFA chat rooms

-“JUST LOOK AT HOW GORGEOUS SHE IS”

-“Zen. Its 3am. Go to sleep.”

-“Shut up trust fund”

-Lowkey thinks you have a dark past

-“Zen stop i’m not that edgy”

-Always begging you to wear his leather jackets

-The Edgiest Couple?™

-Nope

-Smooth rides on his motorcycle

-“Zen were you in a gang”

-“WHAT NO WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!”

-“A mafia boss”

-“….really?”

-Despite all your tattoos he still treats you like a princess

-As he should

-In fact, he calls you a princess all the time

-“Princess, wanna go on a ride?”

-CONSTANTLY COMPLIMENTING YOUR TATTOOS

-As well as your face, hair, body, etc.

-Ok pretty much all aspects of …you

-Sometimes he’ll trace the designs of your tattoos

-He’s just in awe at the beautiful art that is you

Jaehee

-Not judgemental at all

-Jaehee is the type to believe that the choices you make in life are your own decisions and shouldn’t be judged

-She finds many of the tattoos to be really pretty!

-Scolds those who try to embarass you in public that say your tattoos are “too much”

-Honestly in general she’s very respectful of people’s lifestyles as long as it’s not affecting their health

-At first she may be a little surprised

-But she knows it doesn’t matter :)

-Jaehee is also very supportive of you (really about anything in life)

-Somewhat similar to Zen she’d compliment the artistry of the tattoos

-Jaehee likes to appreciate the small things as well

-So she’d give very heartfelt compliments about you as well

-And when you come to her crying one day because, yet again, your relatives all went off on their rants of how you are “going to regret your foolish decisions later”

-Jaehee consoles you telling you that their opinions have no value

-That you shouldn’t listen to them as they obviously don’t understand that this is your decision and therefore your choice

-Obviously she’s also the mom friend so she’s always checking up on you when you aren’t with her

-Because she loves you

-And nothing will change that

Jumin

-If I’m being honest he might be a bit less supportive :/

-“Y/N I do not see why this would be ethical nor why it is necessary”

-“Jumin, I didn’t do this because it was necessary, I decorated my body because I wanted to. You have your way and I have my way.”

-That shut him up

-But he’d also be worried because “how are you going to be able to get an MRI if you get hurt”

-That’s mainly his concern

-He’s not really one to say that you “will regret your decision later” because he believes that you can do whatever you want

-He just doesn’t understand the reason why

-And as I said earlier, his concern for you.

-But after a short time of convincing, he’d give into you.

-He always does.

-But also because you got pretty upset

-And he of course felt horrible

-He’d try to apologise with gifts but after seeing you reject them all he’d realize that all you ever wanted was his acceptance

-And so with no hesitation he would run up to you and hug you whispering of how he was wrong, as well as the beauty that you are

—And then it’s all in the past

-Eventually he’ll probably get a tattoo of Elizabeth III because CatDads.com said it is the utmost display of love to your cat

-(You’ll find out later this website was made by Seven as a payback prank for all the trouble Jumin caused you)

-Also he would of course get a tattoo of your name in Chinese

-Reporters would go crazy with outlandish headlines

-“IS JUMIN HAN GOING THROUGH A PHASE?!”

-“JUMIN HAN SEEN GOING ROGUE AFTER DATING NEW GIRL”

-“WHAT IS THIS PHENOMENON?!”

-All you and Jumin did was laugh at the headlines, going about your lives

-Unless someone publicly offended you

-Then Jumin would definitely bite back

-Almost arrested someone

-“Jumin stop”

-“Mr. Kim. Send support to coordinates…”

-“JUMIN OH MY GOD”

-“Y/N i’m not making the same mistake again”

-He still feels bad about it..

-“Jumin it’s ok. All is forgiven”

-You still find it endearing that he cares this much for you though

Saeyoung/Seven

-Lots of laughter

-He’d known for a while but when he first saw you in person he was still laughing

-Not at you but at the parallel from the way you talk in the chat rooms compared to real life

-Calls you the edgelord

-Also lowkey wants to get matching tattoos with you

-Sometimes he’d mess around with you kissing your neck but saying “I was just kissing your tattoos lolol”

-Lots of tattoo memes?? Like where did he even find these??

-Turns out he made them himself

-Also since he’s such a considerate person he’d look for clothes that compliment your tattoos

-Well….anything looks beautiful on you so…

-He also really likes when you wear a swimsuit because he gets to see (almost) every inch of your body, and all the art displayed on it

-Sometimes he’ll draw little designs or cats on unmarked parts of your skin

-Calls you his “work of art”

-Among other things

-He also spams the chat room with cute pictures of you and your tattoos

-Like Zen, a LOT of bragging to the other RFA members

-“Seven we’ve heard enoughh stop hogging the chat”

-Uses the “is this allowed” meme/vine unironically whenever you get another tattoo

-He’s only joking tho

-Sees anyone with a tattoo and asks if its your sibling or long-lost cousin

-“No seven no”

-knows you’re a bad bitch

-Yet he still likes to be you Defender 707!

BONUS!

Saeran/Unknown

-“You’re just like me”

-Really likes your tattoos

-People in public are a little intimidated by this PowEr CouPle

-All the swirls and designs don’t go unnoticed by others either

-He kinda glares at them if he seems anyone checking you out

-Lets just say they go away with their tail in between their legs

-He always compliments your tattoos as well

-I mean seriously

-“Y/N. You’re so beautiful.”

-Just like Seven he’d want to get a matching tattoo

-He’d always blush when he’d wonder where else you might have tattoos

-He’s a bean ok

-But also he can’t stop thinking about it

-He’d bite his lip

-When you finally ask and he tells you, you’d laugh

-You lift up your shirt to show your stomach is also completely decorated with tattoos as well

-He’d blush an even deeper red cuz the boy is too pure

-But he’d grab your arm, pulling you toward him before kissing you softly

-Because you’re a masterpiece

Wowww ok so I’m really sorry for our inactivity but I’m baack ! I love you guys! Keep sending requests in!

-Elly

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ts-autumns-world · 3 years ago

Text

Episode 1: “Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host” - Giraffez

AHHHHHHH AUTUMNS WORLD HI!!!!!! THIS CAST IS AMAZING IM SO EXCITED AND SCARED!!! JINX YES!! AND 4 KILI PEOPLE INCLUDING LILY?? cant wait !!!

Omg! first day and im placed on the Eener tribe <3 love the way it sounds like an alarm so much ! xo love the tribe divisions and love my tribe mates! super excited to get to know them more, and reconnect with others :)

https://youtu.be/9P1GrFrTHnQ

---

it’s the way i keep putting my birthday as the date...as if this is a doctors office and not autumns world...I DONT NEED NO DOCTOR THO I AM CURED IN AUTUMNS WORLD ‼️‼️‼️ anyways manifesting a jinx win 🕯 hi my name is jinx and i am the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. i keep telling myself that. it’s okay to be hungry for the win like i am this time. i can’t let it blind me but it’s okay! it’s okay to say i’m gonna win! if i fail, it’s not smth i haven’t done before. but. im taking a page from autumns book and speaking it into existence. my name is jinx clementine and i WILL BE the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. *uptown funk vc* don’t believe me just WATCH ‼️

It feels absolutely insane to be back. I feel like I’m a bit oversaturated tbh

I can’t believe this cast. Packed with icons. So many people from Kilimanjaro?? I’m just like??? I’m just so excited to play and hope that our team does great. I just don’t want to lose cause I really don’t want to vote any of these other people out!

when i’m the annoying overactive player... i keep putting my birthday as the month/day/year 😭 so watch out for that. anyways, important announcement: the only song i ever listen to is potential breakup song by aly & aj. i never listen to anything else. if i feel like listening to music that’s what i listen to. it’s been on repeat since 2007. my itunes consists of 1 song, potential breakup song by aly & aj, and the play count is somewhere around 50,000 plays. if you ever see me listening to music, don’t even ask what song i’m listening to, because you know it’s potential breakup song by aly & aj, so why would you even ask

I don't give one fucks, two fucks, red fucks, or blue fucks, I'm gonna put all my effort and energy into this season. I have a point to prove, not to just myself, but to every person who has doubted me in any way. The biggest concern I have is meta gaming, alot of it but its going to be okay. Chris and Jinx? Vibing. Mikki and Captain? that group chat was made 5 minutes into the game. Monty and Lily C are gonna be vibing since they're winners. Lily O and I played fr*nce, but that's... no good. I'm going to just let go and have a great time. This is Autumn's World, and sometimes, we all need to just relax and let nature take its course

Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host....... Legit i was like oh come in have some fun then BOOM FUCKING MESOPOTAMIA FLASH BACK OUT THE GATE so sevice to say I'm nervous as hell about this challenge i so don't want to get voted out first .....or on the same challenge as before so even if we do have to go to tribal hopefully the winning tribe will take pitty on me and you know give me safety

feeling delusional for writing what i wrote about winning 😭🌚 LIKE DKKDKDKDKDKDDKDKKD IM TRYING TO BE MY BEST POSSIBLE SELF AND APPARENTLY THAT FACILITATES DELUSION GOOD NIGHT

https://youtu.be/FJM9fQW7evY

---

autumn not letting me in the game at first bc i’m mixed. i can hear my ancestors screaming

Yknow I’m not exactly thrilled that the song decision was made without everyone being present but like my stupid night shifts make it completely understandable at the same time. On that topic, though. Party in the USA for our music video, hmm. Not even bleach is that basic.

good morning it’s day 2 in autumn’s world and i don’t feel any better about the whites. ps. daily i love monty

https://youtu.be/DAXdEjZW1mc

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mQ3vUbaX1nEnsp2Z9

My tribe has a varying amount of timezones which makes it harder to connect with them socially as I cannot PM them as much as I would like to. Additionally, I am finding it difficult to message them because I have to work from 8 to 5 everyday of the week. This sucks because I know I can at least make people like me in the per-merge enough to keep me. However, I can no longer reliably use this strategy. I just have to hope others are way more inactive than me and that my tribe somehow wins immunity. On that note, I am really liking that Mikki and Benj took a leadership role in the tribe. So, they are definitely people I want to keep on this tribe. It would have to be Blake or Khalid that gets the target from me. We'll see how talking to them goes before results.

I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!! Ok so starting with my tribe:

Mikki - ABSOLUTELY THE FAV!!! We got along right away on day 1 and are def the closest in timezones which is so great to have someone like that. Sooo fun and easy to talk to really wanna be #1 allies. I know shes amazing at orgs and won and probs is getting along well with everyone but who cares i wanna play w her!!!! The main thing is too have fun and i just know it will be with Mikki

Captain - Also amazing!!! Super active in helping with the challenge and great personally love that hes gonna do english teaching which is smth i was looking into and also in a closer time zone to me and had fun discussing stuff w him so far!!

Blake - We played Kili together!! Shoutout Autumn for getting 4 Kilis back omg. I was on a tribe with Blake and Autumn together for like 2 rounds and we did vote together once so have some positive history at least hes a bit more quiet compared to the others but hes cool and i think we could do good!

Raffy - Iconic parts in the video challenge and also fun so far!! Havent talked as much as the above 3 but still feeling good about him!

Khalid - Seems nice and friendly but we havent messaged yet and no clue if he will do his lines in the music video :O we'll see But overall love my tribe and the overall cast. LILY THE KILI WINNER QUEEN???????? Cant believe shes back would be so awesome to play w her again since last time we were mainly on opposite sides. JINX MY ONE MONTE FRIEND??? YES!! SO excited i hope we get to tribe swap together since in Monte we werent that close and i voted them off i know such a disgrace but since then we have become more friends so would love to play together!! Also played w Chips in Kili and were sort of friends! Chris we are hosting a season together but i think itll be cancelled tbh no ones applying and we dont know each other at all outside of that but i loved his intro and just started getting into agatha christie literally ordered 2 of her books a few weeks ago sdhksa cant believe he mentioned her in his intro so super excited to properly meet him. Joey we are sorta friends but i voted him out recently in other game so dunno how he feels abt me!! Everyone else i dont really know but will meet some soon surely WOOO AUTUMNS WORLD

SO THE GAME JUST STARTED so there's not really that much to spill right now but I do really enjoy my tribe. I have my bestie captain who I will protect as much as I possibly can. and I've spent all day yesterday and today talking to benj who I LOVE so so so much. I feel so good with him. SO UM ASAHJSHSJAJHASHJAS IM ON THE SAME TRIBE AS RAFFY WHO UM ASHJSAHASHJ I played with once before where I was super chaotic and I literally fought him (playfully) and it was so messy and chaotic and stupid BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM AND HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME SO WE JSUT WERE LIKE "nice to meet you" and I didn't realise until later and idk if he knows yet and I am not bringing it up COS LIKE IDK I DON'T WANT IT TO GET WEIRD AND MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER BUT MAYBE HE DOES IDK but besides that I love him a lot he's so fun and his videos for our music video are AMAZING he's so full of life. Khalid hasn't been on much but I really enjoy his energy when he is. he's so cool and lovely. Blake is nice!!!!! but I can't help but feel my instincts being like WATCH HIM. like something inside me is saying beware of this white man.LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but I just get instincts in games with people sometimes where I just feel like unsettled??? and that's how I feel right now. we're all in different timezones so socialising is the opposite of overwhelming. I've never had a game so quiet in the beginning like this before. but I've never played survivor either. I think I might be okay??? if we went to tribal but I really don't want us to go to tribal pls....

JINX IS OVER ON THE TUA TRIBE BTW and I'm sitting here with grabby hands. I wanna play with them so bad and just get to have our redemption arc because we didn't play on the same side the first time we played so LET ME HAVE THIS I just wanna play with them and have fun with them but they are so far away :((((

I'm so excited overall tho the whole cast looks amazing and I'm having fun so far. this challenge has been a blast and. a great way to bond with everyone. I feel so close to benj already. I really love him a lot. so I'm having a good time yes ashjshajjahs YAY

oh and I also did my tarot and idk where things are going to go exactly but I'm very :eyes: raffy got the tower and Khalid got the devil....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also I wanna play with women at some point PLS PLS I haven't been this surrounded by men since I was a closeted 15 year old surrounded by posters of Robert Pattinson and Taylor lautner

Benj just submitted his version of the music video and it is..... bad. I don't know why Mikki filmed vertically? Like, I feel like that's the first rule of music videos? You have to always film horizontally. Also, some of these people's energies were not giving at all. The beginning waking up part was cute though. It's just.... these people aren't giving what they think they're giving is all I'm saying. And Benj put this weird filter on all my videos that makes it hard to see what's actually going on tbh. Anyways, time to kick the socializing into high gear so as to not get voted out! Or pray that Mikki's version of the video is better

hello autumn's world.. this is captain's speaking. sorry i'm one day late to this confessional booth stuff but i'm here and i'm ready to give u some tea. *ahem* thanks jarod for these questions.

1. How do you feel about your starting team? Anyone you are happy/upset to see? OOOOH i feel like my team is very CUTE! like i didn't think autumn was gonna put me and mikki in the same tribe lmao .. i thought it was gonna be divided from ur race and u know mikki is white and i'm not. ANYWAYS, im happy to see mikki in my team of course. thats my ride or die and i know i'm gonna have someone i can 100% trust no matter what for sure. but blake knows for sure that mikki and i are very close so thats gonna be interesting. which leads to the next part, i'm kinda eh with blake in my tribe thats only because our previous experience in CoW so i just hope that its gonna be better here this time *prays*.. for others, i don't know them before so i'm excited to get to know them!!!

2. Who are you most excited to play with on the cast? Most afraid of? oh of course mikki for sure and another person is geekoffilm cause u know we're like besties besties and i love both of them so much. most afraid of... probably monty tbh. they tried to gun for me/mikki(/cora) in jarod's mini so i think they know that mikki and i are gonna be tight so i'm just gonna have to keep an eyes on them cause they are a great player.

3. What are your first impressions of everyone based on this first challenge? OH GOD. i love benj!! benj is very organized so we started off pretty well. i threw out lush life randomly and then we decided to go with lush life, how cute!!! but yea, benj and mikki have done lots of works and i love THEM. RAFFY ALSO DID AMAZING in his parts!!! like he has PROPS and his camp is sooooo summery and AHH he's so great. blake.. ahem if blake didn't look at his lyrics at the first part, it would've been a bit better. and idk about khalid. i'm very worried cause khalid hasn't sent any of his parts yet. and like he seems inactive??? so idk but i don't wanna lose the points for full team participation :oooooh: I DIDNT JUST SHOW ANYONE I CANT DANCE TO LOSE AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DANCE AND MAKE MY LEGS ACHE JUST TO LOSE!!! SOBS!! but that is a sign that tells me i should exercise more x ANYWAYS!!!! its just interesting point to add x

4. What is your strategy going into the first portion of the game? trying to lay low and build some connections with ppl from my tribe. benj and raffy for sure. i rlly like their vibes so i need to stick with them. and just try not to lose challenges cause its gonna be suck voting one of them out. also, if we somehow win, i want to send someone who i can trust moving forward to exiled island.. but we'll see. its gonna be a lot of thinking and convincing people.

5. How do you want other people in the game to view you in the early stages of the game? as someone who they can trust and talk to and someone who always puts effort into challenges cause thats what most important in the first stage of the game.. i'll come back here after results x

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD IM PISSED! not about raffy getting sent to the outback. its what raffy deserved. i like raffy so thats fine i just need to work on my relationship with him after he comes back. BUT KHALID. GOD. he just doesnt care about the challenge AT ALL. he was inactive. he didnt even talk about the challenge. and then coming to the chat and telling us SORRY after we have submitted… god thats BS. we literally all put our effort into this. and for someone who just dont care about the pandemic (idk about the uk but i guess they allow partying now) and go out and party. GOD i mean he’s going back to bahrain anyways WELL GUESS WHAT, HERE IS ANOTHER PLANE TICKET HOME. take that and sashay away babe

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cause thats just FUCKED UP. everyone put their efforts in. benj — his leg is HURTING he cant move much btut he still did his parts and helped us with the editing. RAFFY — he literally worked 8 to 5 but he still found time to just shoot his parts and like more random parts. blake — well even though he didnt study the song much, he still did it and he is a team player. MIKKI — well u know i love mikki and ik how much shes in her head for this challenge but every scene she is on, i smile watching her because she just did it SO WELL PLUS she stayed up late for khalid and her health is not good. fucked up khalid u done fucked up enough. hope u enjoyed ur short time at autumns world.

First challenge, done, middle of the road WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, absolutely love that my music video streak has been continuing! Coming into this game, I felt absolutely nervous as hell about playing with 2 winners on my team, but in all honesty, I’m gonna take the Jinx approach- Embrace it, you don’t get another opportunity like this. I love the fact that I’m being more engaged than before and that’s what I want to be, especially in confessionals. I’m always trying to be better, and how can I better myself I HATE THE WAY MARV ALBERT PRONOUNCES PARENTHESES, YOU DON’T SAY IT LIKE “THE C’s”? JESUS MARV ITS GONNA BE YOUR LAST GAME YOU CALL IN YOUR CAREER COME ON MAN.

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I hate to be called Joestradamus, but when Captain or Mikki get voted out first because of how tight knit they are, don’t @ me

*slides into splits* WE WON YES YES YES YES WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH

re khalid missing the challenge: no everyone in our team worked rlly hard on that except khalid who went out fucking partying then he lied about going to send the vid soon cause you know what if he already filmed his parts, looking for a vid and click send are not that hard he fucking told us he was about to send ASAP and then disappeared and then had the NERVE to tell us AFTER THE DEADLINE that he's so SORRY OH PLS

This tribe name is Autumn's last name backwards! https://thumbs.gfycat.com/VigorousBiodegradableIrishterrier-size_restricted.gif

Now that that is out of the way, let me list my tribemates... Giraffez Joey Lily C Lily O Monty. Something is incredibly amusing about how there is a tribe with someone named Chips and someone named Giraffez. What is not amusing is that I get a "I don't like/want to speak to/etc." vibe from Giraffez? I could just be a delicate and annoying flower but our conversations have been short and dry. Joey has some great high energy and excitement and I love that he loves being part of this game. He is also pretty fun to talk to. Hoping that we can keep an open dialogue and that perhaps I can rope him into a future alliance of sorts. Lily C is a sweetheart truly and I adore her personality so much. She is such a go-getter and goes to bat for those with who she feels can be loyal. I'm hoping that we can build loyalty and trust together. Lily O has been busy with work at a bowling alley. That's actually really cool because when I was a child that was my dream job. Not even joking... my parents were in leagues when I was growing up and my brother and I entered ones designed for children. It was a big thing in my family and I thought that I would love to be in that "atmosphere" all the time. Anyway, we haven't spoken until after the results were announced so honestly if I had to guess I was their intended target if we had had tribal council and they were mine?? (perhaps...) It has been really nice getting to connect with Monty and really cool finding out that they are beginning job searching after college and thinking of pursuing education as a career. I have a soft spot in my heart for all educators.

Okay so I'm just going to say this now. Autumn needs to simplify the twists to more like Blue's Clues with an OBVIOUS large blue paw prints where I'm supposed to look. I have no idea what that announcement was about war rooming someone into the game and feel like I"m fifty million steps behind these big-brained people who figured it out. https://media2.giphy.com/media/m59avtxDzXeiQ/200.gif

I think that I missed the message about what we do with tickets or I'm still just as clueless as previously stated but I am intrigued nonetheless. I think even if I knew what to do with them I would just hoard them like I would Chuck E. Cheese tickets in case something else came along. Hope they're not like Fire Tokens and let you buy like Peanut Butter and Idols because I am anti- fire token. https://media.tenor.com/images/d7de1f75f2c43f8e044e958b964430fa/tenor.gif

On a side note, I'm paranoid when I see people on calls because even if they're not talking about me or plotting they are potentially aligning with each other and that does not include me. I don't really know much about how calls work on Discord as I am a pretty big noob generally speaking with the platform but it did say that Joey and Giraffez were on a call earlier?? I'm stressed. https://media0.giphy.com/media/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200.gif --- http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-post-savage-blindside.gif

https://voca.ro/1lb9WKsDr6xA

Ok.....so after talking to Joey a little ive learned a few things mikki is a bit of a beast Benj is well......social to and everyone despised Mesopotamia........which i get from the stuff that pumped me up to 16th place that season but I'm mostly hoping that i can make it to the end this time....... So far I've talked to pretty much everyone Lilly and Joey and monty not sure which one really but the one whose discord is 13survivirgirl13 so hopefully soon i can work out some kind of an alliance with them and if we swap or merge from three to two either next week or the week after (probably the week after honestly) i feel i can maybe set us up as one and us four can really rule the roost for a moment....hopefully.....who knows i could just he a delusional old queen whose doomed to be nothing more then premerge every time i play tumblr survivor......or maybe I'm just crazy *shrugs* either way it should be a damn good hoot

we won the first challenge, god bless. which brings up something funky i realized: that the best part about winning immunity is having the day off. and also…idk something just doesn’t sit right…the way autumn was emphasizing that someone would be eliminated from the game…like….hm……….idk….never trust a bitch named after a season!

omg we lost AHHHH but thankfully we have an easy boot sorry khalid im glad i dont have to vote mikki captain or blake eeek pls lets win the next one

I'm totally pumped for this game! Like when I saw my tribe and Jinx is on it I screamed! I want us to have the same success of being together at ftc!! Jude honestly is great to me and I'm enjoying getting to know her a lot, Ricky I remember from HvV4 but we both say no to that and start anew! Bryan I am hopeful to talk more since its been dry and that is okay. Sucks we ended losing Michelle early but I am sure it was for the best! We WILL reign successful

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Yesterday was so stressful to me like editing I have no problem with but I thought my biggest worry was that I needed Bryan to submit stuff late-ish. But turns out an hour before due time thd program wanted to stop working 🙃🥲 and I felt so close to wanting to forfeit- which is something I never do but I just felt hopeless and guilty and even imagined getting voted out. So I had to call Jinx who assured me something could be salvaged and they'd make sure I would stay (rip Bryan) but after the extension by cool hosts I found encouragement and did my magic stuff. SOMEHOW we won and to be honest I dont think anything will top that feeling of relief in the org (give me 3 days) but man what a ride yesterday was for me!

I got a Super Idol! Well, at least I now know that I can fuck around in this game a little bit more since I have this extra insurance in my back pocket which guarantees I stay around in the long run. I want to start getting into alliances because being a solo person with not much time on their hands is definitely a scary position to be in. Preferably, I want an alliance with Nikki and Benj (though I suspect that they already have an alliance with at least one other person on the tribe). It does suck that I am not at tribal considering that it will help build my bonds even stronger. I guess I just have to suffer for the time being

i think this is gonna be an easy vote cause khalid needs to go. but idk you can never feel safe in survivor :/ but so far everyone has been telling me they're voting khalid so lets pray

Omg that immunity was so hard, I literally did not know what I was doing and I think out of everyone I was a bit lackluster. I will say on the tribe I have not really talked to all of them but I will say I trust Jinx the most and we have talked a lot and I think that moving forward we will have each others back. All I need to do is talk to the rest of the tribe and form bonds that will last me to a swap or merge.

https://youtu.be/kKOciJGjrzw

https://youtu.be/mx7WPjx8zCk

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khalid babe this ones for you 🥺 https://youtu.be/QX2boYNUbxw

#tsaw #episodes

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novadreii · 6 years ago

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a diatribe about the emotional unpacking i’ve been doing this summer, specifically regarding my anxiety, how it’s affected me, and how i’m trying to drop kick it in the face.

i will be honest and say that this weekend i’ve been sitting with some mild anxiety. mild, but still there, enough to set off alarms. just this...undercurrent of fear about the future. i go back to school in exactly 1 month, and getting my degree means more to me than arguably anything right now. some of you have been watching me bitch about this for years, but i’m stubborn as fuck and refuse to let it go. it’s not about the status, or the diploma. it’s a struggle of significance for me; since 2012 i’ve wrestled on and off with my mental health and this made staying in school consistently impossible. so in 2015 i made the decision to not go back until i was properly ready. a lot has happened since then, but to make a long story short, i’ll never be more ready than i am now. finishing this means everything to me; it means digging my heels in, working hard, and earning something for myself. something that, for a long time, i really lost hope that i was even capable of achieving.

but as always, doubt always starts to creep once the deadline approaches: what if i fail again, what if i can’t handle it, what if i drop out and have to work boring low-level jobs my whole life, what if i panic, what if i can’t do it?

every piece of text on the subject that i’ve ever read, every meaningful message from all my favorite books/series, has pointed me towards this one solution for when i’m paralyzed with fear: just feel it, sit with it, don’t run from or avoid it. and once you’ve done that, go through your fear and do the thing you’re afraid of anyway. that’s called bravery, and if you repeat this process enough times it will give you the confidence to keep doing it in the face of anything you fear. how often have we heard that being brave is not synonymous with being fearless? fearless is a lofty concept, an ideal, but honey, it’s just not realistic. everybody has fears. the most incredible people throughout history had their own fears; what sets them apart is how they dealt with them.

my methods for avoiding pain/fear these days are 1) weed 2) tv/video games in excess and 3) avoiding my responsibilities/doing anything that would progress my life. obviously this will not work out for me, not in a long-term sense anyway.

so recently i’ve just....stopped using coping methods when i’m getting into my fear. i do anything other than my usual destructive habits. i force myself to clean in a frenzy, i listen to loud music on my headphones, i go for a walk around the block, i read a book, i’ve even forced myself to do boring paperwork that i was avoiding. i make a challenge out of forcing myself to do the exact opposite of what i really want to do in that moment.

and THAT’S where the magic happened for me. once i confront Fear and do it over and over and over again, it begins to lessen. i’ve done this before, and i survived. it wasn’t that bad. it was worth the effort it took to just deal with it.

the truth is that everything in life is a trade-off. you can’t get anything you want without sacrificing something of equal value whether it’s money, time, energy, or any other resource. and on the flip side of that coin, you can’t just avoid your life and desires, not without paying for it emotionally. so logically speaking, if both paths are equally as difficult, if they take roughly the same amount (but a different TYPE) of effort, which one will i choose?

it’s become obvious to me now, whereas it wasn’t before, that i should choose the path with the end result that is most worth it for me. depressed bastard who never did anything with her life? or...who knows? someone who actually tried and maybe got SOME of what she wanted? so now that the two choices are so clear, i’m beginning to feel drive, determination, and ambition again. goddamn, i was born with those traits burned into my personality and identity; losing them temporarily during the last few years fucking hurt, i really did lose a part of myself. but they were just dormant, inactive, because i can feel them faintly taking root again. and it feels friggin amazing.

so nowadays i’m practicing a new skill: willpower. i believe it is absolutely a skill that anyone can cultivate and work on. i realized that i can force myself to do shit i know i should be doing instead of running from my problems. knowing that i will feel so much better if i just address and overcome what is scaring me is enough to motivate me. i can do this without resistance, without wanting to go hide in my bad habits. my awareness (my true self, separate from ego), knows the right answers, the correct path. i can physically do what i know needs to be done even if my mind is screaming at me to self-destruct instead; i have that power, because i am not my mind. none of us are; we are the awareness behind the mind, so to speak. if this sounds too new-age for you, i’m sorry. but i’ve been reading books on the topic for years without understanding completely. it made about 75% sense to me up until now, and i found the missing piece. mindfulness, the Self, the Ego...it’s all interconnected, and i used to think it was more religious BS that I didn’t care for. but it really isn’t. it’s a logical approach to heal yourself emotionally, and it starts with recognizing that your internal dialogue, your thoughts, and even your emotions, do not make up who you are, so you don’t have to be a slave to them. i wish i could articulate this better, but i barely understood it myself when i first started researching the topic. but something inside me knew that the answer i’d been looking for was somewhere in this train of thought, so i’ve kept with it (if you’re interested, the one book I would recommend is the power of now by eckhart tolle. i know, i know. but it really is the most easily digestible medium for this subject. just know you will have to engage with it and put in the work to fully understand).

so anyway, that’s what i did this weekend. no weed, no mindless distractions, no emotional eating, despite the low burning of fear about school in the back of my mind. i cleaned the shit out of the kitchen and my room instead, which was distracting and physically tiring. then because i still felt restless, i went for a jog. now i’m showered and tired, about to watch a movie that i feel i actually earned. i think Fear produces a nervous energy that i can dispel with any kind of physical activity, which takes the edge off and makes it bearable.

and lo and behold, by not being destructive at the first sign of feeling afraid, i didn’t burst into flames or anything. sure, my heart rate might jump for a bit, i might feel a bit sweaty/nauseous for a couple minutes. but then i swallow it and continue on my path. by going through Fear instead of doing a 180 away from it, i can continue moving forwards instead of backwards. i can grow and progress, not stagnate. and another hard lesson i’ve learned is that the stagnation from avoiding my life has arguably caused me the most pain, far more than the fear of life itself.

i isolated myself from my friends (missing one of their weddings which i have to try to not beat myself up about for the rest of my life). i stalled in my education. i was cut off socially, emotionally because i was in denial, and going nowhere.

so i think i’ve just reached a point where anything is better than this. than a lonely, unfulfilled future where i reach none of my potential. on my deathbed all i’d feel is profound disappointment. and to that idea my gut reaction is HELL NO. is this what they mean about actually hitting rock bottom, even though i felt like i’ve hit it countless times before?

because now, i am finally willing to fight for what i want even if it’s the hardest thing i’ll ever do. once school starts, my days are gonna be long as hell. work during the day, and schoolwork on evenings/weekends, so logistically i need to make my life flow to accommodate how hectic my schedule will become. i’ll do so with the following steps:

gonna clean my apartment and car to stepford-levels of cleanliness (in progress, about 50% done). will also go on an organizing spree. i’m generally a neat person, but it could always be better you know? my state of mind is usually amplified by the state of my surroundings, so that’s one of the best ways to help myself.

gonna stock up on non-perishables/cat supplies/toiletries to keep effort spent on grocery shopping and errands to a minimum from september to december.

gonna nail down a healthy meal prep routine so i can properly fuel my carcass through everything. cereal for dinner won’t cut it anymore.

in general, i will develop solid self-care routines in the areas of sleep, fitness (will work in occasional exercise where i can to let off steam), food, and giving myself mental breaks. again, this will keep me from losing my shit.

this is my 4 point plan, and notice how little of it has to do with school itself. but i know that if i take care of myself properly, i can ground myself enough to get through anything.

studying, homework, going to class, the pressure of exams...i feel confident, finally, that i can take all of it on. in fact, i’m starting to feel my old competitive spark slowly coming to life again, and i’m tempted to say bring it on.

and sure, Fear isn’t going anywhere. i haven’t vanquished it or anything. far from it; it’s still right there, making my chest tight when it gets really bad. but what’s changed is that i’m not afraid of Fear itself anymore. that is a huge distinction i’ve had to make, and it’s taken me years to get here. it’s much easier to do The Thing and confront Fear while doing so, rather than avoid both The Thing and Fear altogether. because that way of life was miserable for me, whereas option 1 will actually yield results. and weirdly enough...avoiding Fear doesn’t even make you like, less afraid or anything. what the hell?

so, after years of struggling and cowering and letting myself off easy for everything, it’s that simple. i’ve boiled my approach down to something weirdly logical and direct, because i’m over this shit, to put it elegantly. i will enthusiastically and unabashedly go after what i want in life, and when Fear inevitably pops up on occasion, as it always will, i’ll acknowledge it with a nod or a small dab (lol), and then continue doing what i was doing. i can be afraid without letting it paralyze me. fear isn’t really able to stop my body from doing what i want it to, i can actually smash my way through that mental barrier. i think that is what is at the core of the concept of bravery, and anybody is capable of it (yes i got that from soul eater, a life-changing message).

so i simultaneously feel insanely motivated and driven for the first time in years, and also scared as shit. it’s the strangest feeling, a kind of nervous euphoria. but it’s okay. knowing that if i just trust the process and take things a day at a time, i will get to where i want to be eventually; that makes it so much easier. in my mind, this lends incredible significance to every little step along this journey. keeping good work habits and taking care of myself are what it’s going to take, and truly understanding that every Good thing i do for myself, even the tiniest thing, is what will get me there one day. it removes resistance from my thought process, and resistance is usually what gets me to cave, and run away. it makes every difficult, necessary step worth it to me, and that is what fuels me.

so ultimately, my conclusion is this: i’m just going to have to get strong enough to carry my fear with me throughout the whole journey and use it to fuel me, instead of letting it pin me in one place for the rest of my life. and that’s the thing: invariably, over time, the relative burden of that weight decreases as you get stronger.

so knowing that, how could i not just charge forward like a maniac, fear be damned? because the truth is that i can overcome it in the present moment with enough effort, and in time, it won’t take anywhere near the same amount of effort. pain is always temporary, so i don’t need to fear it right? i just have to use pain, and Fear of pain, and that’s the promise i’m making to myself as i attempt to close an unpleasant chapter in my life.

i’m finally getting back my drive, my spark, when for so long i just tried to convince myself i didn’t actually want the things that i did. i thought that my goals were unobtainable, that i was too weak or incompetent to achieve them, so i may as well convince myself i didn’t even want them in the first place. isn’t that sad? it really is, and i’m trying to reflect on Past Me with compassion, instead of frustration for all the lost time and unhappiness. it won’t change anything, and i want nothing more than to move forward. because one day, it will all have been worth it.

#diary of nova #holy shit this got long #it's a culmination of all my introspection and analyzing of my state of mind since april #that's my form of therapy #diving into my own mind for answers and trying to be 100% honest with myself #i know it's long but if any of you struggle with anxiety chronically or acutely #there are some tidbits in there that i hope can help you #anxiety

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wheresmynaya · 7 years ago

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The curious case of my first bff M;

I had this best friend when I was younger, way before K, and everyone thought we were gonna get married. We were inseparable and had sleepovers all the time which back when I was like 8 was unheard of because he was a boy and I was a girl and even when you’re that young you can’t be friends with someone of the opposite gender without getting married in the end. It didn’t help that I was super close with his family and they all loved me and would say the same thing about us getting married. It wasn’t like that for us, like we must’ve just missed the age when kids started thinking about that. We were more concerned with video games and skate parks. Anyway, four years later I moved to Texas and back then that was basically the end of a friendship since we were all too young to have phones and the internet was still sketchy. I tried keeping in touch but it never stuck so we went our separate ways.

It wasn’t until a couple years later that I came for a visit as my mom was getting married at our hometown that I saw him again. We were maybe 12 so we were at the awkward preteen age that no one seems to go through anymore. We had sort to reconnected via MySpace (Fuck I’m old) a year back and decided to hang out while I was in town thinking everything would be like we were kids but it wasn’t. It was the same but different as we were a little older and we thought about our appearances and he had made new friends and I was a little hardened by the move. He came to my mom’s wedding with his mom who still had that jokingly “you two are gonna end up together watch” and for that moment it was like we were kids again.

After the wedding, I went home and moved again to Florida and stayed for a year until finally returning to my hometown. We barely kept in touch but by that age (14) we were getting ready for high school. I had been depressed ever since moving away the first time and was so excited to be back with my friends in time for high school, but I found when I came back that everyone had grown apart and made different friends. I felt lost and tried to cling to M but he had moved on as well. He tried his hardest to bring me in to his circle of friends, and at the time he was dating someone I’d soon grow close to: K.

We had history and years of friendship and when K found out I was moving back, she felt threatened because apparently his family still talked about me and she thought I was going to steal him away. LOL classic K. It was rough for awhile, but eventually I befriended K and M moved on again. For a brief time, like very brief, like when all the girls would talk about who’s crushing on who, I thought about M. This was before I even gave being gay a second thought. Naturally I started to think of M because my whole childhood I grew up with people instilling that thought and finally I decided to question it. We were at two different places though, he started hanging around potheads and I wasn’t down for all that.

From then on, we drifted completely. Occasionally I’d think about him and how he’s doing and if his moms doing okay but never could reach out to him. He wasn’t on any social media platform and if he was it was inactive. He became a mystery for ages until one day at work like I had to be 18 by then, he came in to the store and gave me this big bear hug from behind. I nearly broke his nose, I had no idea who was grabbing on me. He had gotten super tall and he cut his long hair and he had a beard, it was a shock. We caught up for a few minutes then he disappeared again, that was the last time I saw him. Maybe another year later, one of my coworkers approached me and asked if I knew M. Apparently they were dating and apparently I was still talked about at his house which I found hilarious after all the years. That was the last I heard about him.

Now I’m 24, and sometimes I have dreams about him and wonder where he is and what he’s doing. I think we all feel that way about people that are no longer in our lives, but it’s easy to check up on them with social media. With M it’s different bcuz the last activity on anything of his is from like 2011. Like I’m curious, what’s he up to? Is he still a deadbeat or did he get his shit together? Is his mom okay? Did he finally join the military? Is he even alive? Like I’m so curious so why tf can’t he use his Facebook. No ones heard from him either and that makes it so much worse! So much has changed over the years like I’m sure none of his family would guess that I’d end up married to a woman and living in Australia so I have to know what’s happening with him.

Anyway, this was all brought along because I had a dream about him after some years and I thought “ you know what I’m gonna find this bitch right now!” That was about 6 am today and guess what? I FUCKING FOUND HIM!!! Granted the latest picture is from January but still! Apparently he’s got a steady girlfriend and he’s got a beard and his hair is still short and he lives near his dad and he’s close with his girlfriends’ nieces and I’m so happy for him!

Case fucking closed.

#a little random but ive ben feeling very sentimental lately #i want to reconnect with old friends but at the same time why #i had a 3 day streak going with K before i fucked that up

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survivornavarino · 7 years ago

Text

Episode #1: I Tried Giving My Heart To Him Once, And He Ate It -Drew

*Extreme keyboard smashing* I love this cast so very muchhhhh

https://i.gyazo.com/9496850dcc77a64b212b20a2651ef2c3.jpg Is this where we post or selfie? Also So pumped to get this party started!

I'm having fun, it feels like everyone knows each other so that's- yknow that's like... it's fun... like 2 people know me

I’m actually really glad with who is in my tribe so far. Like tim and heather. Hopefully this doesn’t screw over my plan since they all ready know how I play. Isbdownriwkd maybe I shouldn’t have revealed everything to them. Maybe loyalty will perserve and they won’t fear back stab me ;-; This will throw a kink into things. I’ll see how much I can get the loyalty of the others to have a buffer against this chance

I just got situated on my new tribe and I was absolutely delighted to meet everyone. Everybody seems super friendly and excited to play. Right off the bat I recognized 3 other people from Zwooper, where I usually play Survivor games. Two of them I know vaguely, and another I am actually pretty close with. I know he’s a brilliant player and I have every intention of working extremely closely with him but I also know he is a huge threat, makes great speeches, and wins a ton of games. So I am just checking every avenue at this point. I am making sure not to get too comfortable in my little zwooper alliance. I have been talking to all the other new players - particularly Tim who seems really cool. It will naturally be in our best interests to keep our Zwooper background under wraps else we could easily be targeted for knowing each other.

So I'm going to summarize my night one experience!!! The cast seems very very promising ! I love my tribe although I haven't spoken to everyone privately just yet. So inside the rules were an extra search up the mountain and I took it! I'm positive that I'm not the only one who found it though but it did in fact come in handy. The first task was to photoshop a picture of Zach riding a rhino during some historic event and that was hilarious lol. Its not the best quality since I made it for speed. On the second trip, I had to do a puzzle and omg do I hate puzzles why must yall make me suffer. I spent like 20 mins trying to do that puzzle lmao!!! This definetly puts everyone who took the advantage ahead by atleast one step. So the challenge!! Its a scavenger hunt and im happy that we get to do that! I really am stoked about the shakespearean stuff but Tim isnt a fool. This is fans vs faves after all and its important to be aware of the game collectively. Your boy (partially) studied the cast as of last night more specifically the favorites and I am aware that Rebecka is extremely fond of scavenger hunts so Im going to make sure I put some extra effort into the challenge. I'm super excited for the game to pick up and really start rolling. Hopefully I can be able to make it pretty far and at least past first merge boot. Let the battle begin I guess!

Me and my PC are gonna have a freaking fight because it wont upload my Youtube Video!!!!! Fotr the hunt!!!! But anyways everyone seems to be contributing a bunch and being active in the chat maybe except for Kaugh? If that is their name? I haven't spoken to them yet but Pocket is also afk but I've spoken to him.

I finally got to writing a confessional. YAY. I'M IN ATHENA WAITING TO BE FIRST BOOT. FUN FUN FUN. I am super excited that the first thing is a scavenger hunt. I am going to do an impressions thing when I get a better feel from everyone, and when the challenge is not taking up my time.

omg this game is fun it is a tad much to take in all at once but i am slowly getting comfortable with people and how to maneuver the tasks i think Tyler and Tim are my closest so far even though it is early but we are having fun with the challenge i think it helps us talk some since we just met.

I am just beginning my takeover of this game, I am close with Pocket and Trixie and they will be my royal advisers. I will dispatch them to gain info for me tonight.

Im literally having so much fun filming all of these videos but my data is sufferingggg. Its worth it though because im having fun! Also one of our tribe mates is dead so thats an easy vote in the event that we lose which I see might be likely (Faves are strong man)

Live footage of me after picking path 3 on level 3 and falling, notifying the tribe of my searches:

I love dodging possible situations that could blow up my game with memes 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Heather just asked me what level I was on and I wasnt gonna actually tell her I was on level 3? So I told her I was on level 2 and picked path 2? Hopefully the trend of rocks falling on the number that is its path and level is a thing. Or she picked path 2 and saw rocks fall and now she thinks it was her fault. Either way I hope this zooms by everyones head. :/

So Shoib came to me and told me about the extra search which I already knew about but I plaued it dumb and was like "omg thank". This atleast means he is looking out for me or trying to befriend me in some way. Browny points for him but he's a clever one. Also Pocket was like .. did you get anything... NO lmao! I wish! I hope he doesn't think I have some advantage somewhere.

Ok and another thing! Heather is on level 3 im sure of it and she picked path one know that. She used the same excuse as me after I said i didnt search on day one but she she claimed to be on level 2 and picked path one. Sure Jan. Also I don't think she saved her extra search just yet.

Im going to slow down the rate at which I search the Dientes de Navarino. Im speculating that once you use all 5 paths on level one up you're searching potential is over. Its smarter if I wait foran alliance so we can collaborate on which paths to use, ensuring that we dont run out of searches. I can also use that knowledge to sabotage them mwahahaha.

Shoib told me not to take path 4 on level 2... you know what im gonna do? Take path 4 on level 2 so that I can get back to level 3. Thanks pal you just helped me more than you could've ever known.

https://youtu.be/UgiNE3GvbNs

So, first challenge, I haven't done anything to help at all and that worries me. While I'm writing this there is a spider like a couple feet away from me and it's moving.

Im really enjoying this tribe and the tribe call! Alliance question mark? (Me, Heather, Jake, Tyler????

Can Vi and pocket leave the call so I can form an alliance fksgfhvhb.!

Can Vi leave the group call so I can make an alliance already!! Like sis has said she was leaving like 80 times already but shes still here! LET ME LIVE LOL

Well well well

I'm back at it again I LOVE this new pink room with pretty smiling faces at the top. The other confessional rooms could never. Ok so it's the first full day of the game, which feels a lot like the first day of school. You find your friends, see who's in your classes, and come up with a game plan. Obviously I don't know everyone, but I know enough. Mitch, Julia, Rebecka, Benjamin, Jake, Tim, AND Shoib?? Oh it's lit. So far I love my tribe and that will probably bode well for the season but you never know. I know there's beef between Eddie and Benjamin which is PERFECT for down the road, but for now I'm pretty happy and don't plan on turning up anytime soon

Now we know Mitch, Jacob, and Rebecka are my Himalayas family and I want to work with Benjamin too BUT I definitely have a Day 1 that I can count on and that's Julia. The tea is Julia and I joked about getting cast together and being allies and then it happened haha so we love a premade Final 2. At first I was nervous but Julia is great when she's not pissed and that reminds me a lot of myself lmao. She's literally Cher from Clueless- very high energy, sociable, and smart; which makes me Dionne- very chill, supportive, and strategic. Jules and I are redeeming ourselves after All Stars y'all heard it here first- the cracked queens are sticking together

Me thinking about the things I said about working with Vi.

I'm always reminded of the ravages of time while playing these games, i know it doesn't seem like a huge age difference but it def feels like decades between us, though everyone seems nice enough I feel like the camp councilor trying to stay relevant

Me af rn

https://youtu.be/uEQYZMaNN94

This scavenger hunt is great. So far is seems really fair and equal. I don't get how the 100 likes is possible ;-; but lipsyncing was fun. I had to practice bc I dunno English *shrugs. Also I feel like there are a lot of inactive members but it usually takes me all the way until merge to learn people's names so... uh hopefully Heather and Tim will lead me. The tribe is so great, the discussion on games and musicals was fun. It really was a destresser. Hopefully we do it again soon!

Its the final day of the scavenger hunt and its going very well! Except for the fact that some people aren't lipsyncing or making cards! The lip sync is worth 10 points so like YALL GOTTA DO IT OR ELSE WE LOSE. We're gonna lose tho because peeps arent lip syncing but Katherine should be the easy vote. *Squints aggressively at tribe*

so far shoib and jake and Tyler have been talkative and definitely seem like they are possibly allies as we move forward im not impressed with any of the girls it is really hard to keep meaningful conversation going with them so we will see

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXFWMjhrAIk

So im pretty sure Rebecka actually went to the zoo to see a real rhino cuz she's a queen lol and I saw on my youtube that Ben made a paparrazi lipsync because he made it public and not unlisted fksksks i love knowledge its power

ahhhh i have so much to do today

I need to have a good conversation with autumn today and speak to her before immunity results come out an basically hey girly!!! I got your back ;)... but i need to talk to her like a lot this afternoon before i bring that up!'

I need to talk to Rebecca more too and have another conversation with her too and I really need to knock it out of the ball park in terms of making her feel like I’m somebody who she could work with going forward and like who cares if I don't like your best friend!!!

I also need to talk to Julia a lot today too but I’m like trying to wait for a time to message her that’s not like immediately in the morning aka like right now so it doesn’t feel like i rushed to say hi to her just to make my rounds, but do it at a more later part in the day to make it seem a little more relaxed and less like it was a plan to message people first thing in the morning.

Mitch and I had a really good convo last night I think. I mean we talked about candles and his love for them and the normal stuff that I couldn’t be less interested in but a binch needs numbers so you gotta do what you gotta do.

Matt Summers posed on for a quick second and replied to my hello from 10 in the AM. He replied and said hey what’s up and then never answered the message I sent to him immediately after which like ok,,,,, i just hope this is how he’s being with everyone else because if so we sure do love an easy first boot!!!! It also gives me time to really since my fangs into these people and find me some numbers!! (lady vamp)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfnPSVP08-w

I just wanted to say that the GAME SO FAR IS LIT!!!! I LOVE ALL THE NEW FRIENDS I'M MAKING!!!

Y'all........

Listen I am just here to live a good life as a strong Christian woman, I don't need any attention, and what kind of hell has come down for me...

Like was casting me and Eddie in the same season payback for casting Amanda, Emily, and Francie together?????? WE BOTH HAVE GOTDAMN MONGOLIA HOST IN OUR NAME???? And you bring in Ben, who Eddie JUST fought with in the Mongo VL, Autumn who is basically his bestie these days...Like if you wanted a bitch to get 20th, you could've at least reached out for All Stars so I could have spared Karen!!!

Like okay listen, I love Eddie like a brother I sometimes flirt with too much and then have to hide from for a month. If we can get past day 6, we could do some great things in this game. I think we're finally ready for that experience. But jesus fuck if those 6 days aren't gonna be tough as fuck...

Highkey do you know what my ass needs??? A SWAP! GET ME WITH THE MENINIST ZWOOPER BOYS. GET ME TO MY JAKE P AND EVERYTHING WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD, LITTLE BOSTONIAN MUFFIN OF LOVE. TAKE ME AWAY TO SHOIB, WHOSE NAME IS ACTUALLY SPELLED LIKE THAT. AND DEAR SWEET POCKET ROCKET, WHOSE NAME IS AS RHYTHMIC AS IT IS RAUNCHY, IDK YOU BOO BUT WE CAN STILL SQUAD UP. Like I need access to allies people aren't going to know I have. Eddie? Too obvious. Mitchy? Too obvious. Jacob? Slightly less obvious but the boy won't keep it a secret. Rebecka? It's an option??? But she shady as fuck. Matt Summers? I already tried giving my heart to him once, and he ate it. Julia? Lowest of keys one of the better options I have, I'll take the witch, I'm down to clown, but also gotta watch out for that Crossroads connection to Autumn, which is also a through-connection to Ben, so we're in for a clusterfuck of love. (that's all I can think of right now, and if I haven't named you yet, you're probably too irrelevant to consider) (I just checked and the only person I didn't name is Mo, so I stand by the irrelevancy statement)

So if we can't trust in allies, we have to trust in that patented Drewcifer challenge strength! Just get me to a damn swap, I will do all of these ridiculous tasks, and lip sync to Paparazzi of all fucking things, and dress like Jeff Probst (which was actually just my normal workwear with an ugly baseball cap so now I feel gross), just get me to the next round and we can build from there.

I feel guilty because this is how I act in like a group project at school like pretending I'm helping by little comments but in reality I'm just sitting there because I don't know what I'm doing nor do I have access to stuff that can help. Nobody has messaged me about an alliance yet, so that's fun, I still think I'm getting first boot if we lose this challenge which is why I'm grasping at straws to try to help. I counted how many points we had and told everyone the total like "look I'm being helpful" so people will think "oh he's in it to win it guys"

First of all this is adorable http://prntscr.com/idx4yh Second of all HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO VOTE ANYONE OUT??? ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING????

https://youtu.be/tD1HjZTlqE0

Me looking for results like:

it isn’t fair we lost after all the work we put into the challenge but that’s the game i guess now we just have to survive a tribal and first vote is the worst

Respect to the other team for coming so close, their efforts were admiradorable.

Pretends to be shocked that we lost. If only everyone did a lipsync. Smh but you cant force people do to things they dont want to I giess but special accomidations were even made to where they had privacy. Anyways Im bonding more I hope aleast with people but this should be an easy vote.

What an emotional rollarcoaster. Where is my tea? Slightly pissed at the people who didn’t do the lipsync. We could have won. Oh well this means rebecka is safe so maybe it’s worth it. Who knows what could have happened. We shall see who gets voted out but I’m thinking it’s someone who didn’t do anything TimIm feeling extremely sick about the loss in hindsight. All that effort just thrown down the drain? It feels extremely terrible and is definitely a shot to the heart.

Sorry im confessing again fjsksks but this is the mood after the first results: the third one is me being upset at [redacted] https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/170818412711/moodboard-after-the-loss

I forgot to confess this but like... im convinced my tribe mate is a model. https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/170818459861 BLEASE

I'm feeling... ANNOYED. I know I participated a lot to that challenge and I had fun doing it! So even though it didn't result in a win I do NOT regret taking flour to the face or shanking three balloons or any of the other crazy stuff I did. With that being said we COULD have won this challenge if everyone pulled their weight. Four people didn't lip sync. If those four people had taken the five minutes required to make a half-decent lip sync video we would have beaten the fans by ONE point. The four flops are Shoib, Tee, Trixie, Katherine. Tee and Trixie did a lot of photos and seem pretty cool, so they are off the table. That leaves Shoib and Katherine. Shoib is in my Zwooper alliance of four so I have to cover for him... which is really unfair. If he wasn't a number for me I would not at all be opposed to voting him off for this. He really let the tribe down and contributed a whopping TWO things to the entire list. I used his rule-reading video as leverage while trying to point out who contributed more between Katherine and him. Most people seem to kind of agree that Katherine didn't do much, doesn't talk much, and isn't an asset to the team. Hopefully, we can just trim the fat and send her packing.

I plan on getting the vote on Kathy because I feel like she contributed the least amount to the comp and I haven't talked to her much.

Whelp, Guess who lost the challenge. HEHEHE I wanna cry. I put so much into scavenger hunts, but the faves got the immunity. However there were definitely some people who didn't contribute so I feel they should def go first. but here are some impressions

Tim: I love him with all my heart and might actually be able to work with him, which is litty. Vi: She tried in the challenge and I really like that. I get good vibes from her, so hopefully I can get to working with her Tee: Her picture is gorgeous and she seems very sweet. I get REALLY good vibes from her and really want to Tyler: He is very cool and said he admires my contributions to the challenge and would like to work with me going further into the game Pocket: He looks like my cousin and Jesus. He seems chill. Not too active but not too inactive. And he sings and acts so I love Trixie: Haven't exactly talked to her much yet, hopefully chill. Kathy: The 2 games I'm in with her shes inactive. Ill try talking to her again Jake: I love Jake. I love Jake. I love Jake. I love Jake. I LOVE JAKE. That is all Shoib: He came off too strong for me, but he genuinely seems nice. Someone make me stop liking people. Its bad for my game and I will prob cry if someone backstabs me

I'm disappointed in my boy Shoib's contribution this challenge but Katherine is the ghost around camp and my theory is she is jealous of my body hair and for this reason shes too overwhelmed to compete. C'est La Vie.

When I saw that we lost I was Wouldiwas Shookspeared that we could've one is everyone lip synced

Hi all!! Rebecka here!! Running 20 mins late to my psychiatrist appointment so what better a time than to confess about this game??? Ok so first off this cast WHEW!!! I love autumn and would love to work with her but every time we try to work together in a game it's like cursed so here's hoping third times the charm??? Julia the witch is cool af I hope we can work well together after I voted her out in crossroads!! Lol!!!!!! I hosted circle with drew this past season and he hasn't said much to me/I'm pretty sure he's hated me since day 1 which idk why Bc he's never said anything about it but I just have social anxiety and I feel like he doesn't like me!! Idk here's hoping. He approached me asking if I'd wanna secretly work with him which I'd be incredibly down for because I'd love to work with drew but I just hope he's not fucking with me!! I'm unsure how I feel about Jacob Albright Bc we've met before but I feel strange vibes from him too. MITCH IS MY ONE TRUE LOV AND I BETTER BE ABLE TO WORK WITH HIM IN THIS GAME BECAUSE I LOV HIM???????????? That's how I feel about that. Love him. He slay my life. Idk the other ppl in the game but Eddie seems nice and has been messaging me. I AM glad we won the scavenger hunt Bc I honestly don't know how a tribal week 1 would've gone down. Lastly I'm just still confused as to how I got picked as a fav but I'll roll with it!!! Ok ya!! Xoxo gossip Beckka

https://youtu.be/MaPWQeclcOM

[This confessional is for before the immunity results, basically the first two days of the game)

Ahhh yes, time for my 2nd org. Last time I placed 2nd and this time I'm coming for the crown.

Being on a fan's tribe is kind of intimidating, just because I think that all the players on the favorite's tribe are more experienced than us which could be an advantage.

So let me just give a quick rundown of the cast.

I actually know Tyler, Pocket, and Shoib from Zwooper. When we got added to tribes, Pocket & Shoib added me to a chat with them and were like "Zwooper Alliance!" And I was like umm, Tyler is from Zwooper too? Lol. They wanted to create a separate chat with him, so I don't think they trust him. I definitely trust Tyler the most though, we've been friends for a while.

As for everyone else on our tribe, I've talked to Tim and Trixie a bit, and they both like Nintendo so I like them! Heather seems cool too. I talked to Tee for a while as well, but the conversation doesn't feel that exciting. I haven't talked to Katherine or Vi much.

I am worried about the Faves tribe because Autumn, Julia, and Rebecka are there from crossroads. I backstabbed Julia and Rebecka in that game, oops. And I feel like they might form a tight alliance because Autumn told me that her and Rebecka wanted to be secret allies in crossroads, and I know that Julia and Rebecka got stoned every night in Ponderosa so they're def close.

However, Drew is on the Faves tribe and he is a good friend of mind. He wanted me to play this game with him before we got cast so I think he would be loyal to me if we ended up on a tribe later on.

Sooo we just lost the challenge, great. And we would've won if these people just did a FUCKING LIP SYNC! How hard is it to fake sing for 3 minutes?? Gtfo. Tyler is GUNG HO on getting someone who didn't lip sync out, and he brought up Katherine's name. And I'm fine with that. We barely talked Day 1 and she hasn't said a word to me in two days. Her name is going around because others are bringing her up to me. I feel like this vote should be more intense since the first vote for crossroads was, but then again that was a starting tribe of 6 and this is a starting tribe of 10, so maybe people are just focusing on challenge threats rn. Either way, I just hope my name isn't going around. That's all I care about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6mVJIKDIBQ

sooooo im gonna let yall know whats good with the admirador tribe. so first of all i think i only know three of them BUT i like them. so first they have jake. i love jake price!!!! but like we kinda went against each other in crossroads but we became really good friends after and we got a streak! but honestly if i swap, i want jake on a tribe. i would DEF love to work with him. next they have trixie who i LOVE. she is a feminist and we have worked together and i see it happening here. im just afraid of her and jake being a mess tbh. and than there is shoib. i love shoib but the child has a MOUTH on him. so he is also pretty freaking messy like omfg. its exhausting girllllll! but if i swapped it would be ideal to have them all on a tribe of mine because we could all kick it together. the rest of them I honestly have no clue about like y'all really scouted for them. but hopefully shoib jake and trixie live after this tribal bc i really wanna work with them. but lowkey wouldnt care if admirador kept flopping lol!

http://youtu.be/xiJFcgShj1A Woo?

So far everyone has been telling me Kathy, which I am fine with. Just means an easy round for me and gives me time to take a well needed nap :)

So miss katherine decides to show up and talk after we lost.LMAO. Sorry but you're a couple days late. Also Pocket joined the club pf falling from the mountain and i love it. I just wonder how far he got up it... Time to vote katherine out.

OMG Heather fell too. PS: Im a smart cookie. I discovered that if you fall you only fall by two levels therefore all the paths on level 1 and two are safe wig. I also know to avoid number 3 on levels 3 and 4 but im gonna pick it once I get to level 5! Also thanks Heather and Pocket for confirming this.

D*UCK Heather found out you only fall by 2 levels just as i confessed. Well I guess that info was inevitable to discover.

After tonight we will have 9 tribe members in the chat,which will feel different because, i guess it won't because Katherine doesn't say anything :S oh wait she complimented my beard.

im going to be second boot

Im getting weird vibes about this tribal.

Pre-season cast assessment! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWtdLG4Hquo&feature=youtu.be

#turnuptheheat #confessionals

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pmscenarios · 7 years ago

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Notification - Sender unknown

I was sitting in the sofa, half-way watching the latest Jimquisition on the big screen, while checking up on the newest twitter controversy with my recently bought Lenovo Yoga 720 (got it half-price on the black Friday sale) when a notification popped up in the bottom right corner:

*plop*

I didn't murder anyone today

Heh, that's a pretty weird message to get out-of-context. I absentmindedly wondered who'd start a conversation with such an unique statement.

*plop*

gonna try harder next week

Okeey.. That was definitely a bit off. Which one of my friends could be messaging me about this, and why? Are they commenting on a video game? I moused down to open Discord when I realised it wasn't there.

Not that it wasn't open, there was no icon. I hadn't installed Discord on this pc yet.

So where was the messages coming from? I opened windows' action center, but the sidebar only displayed one sentence -

"no new notifications".

Maybe it's Skype? I didn't activate my Skype account, and I haven't used it in years, but it is a part of my windows id, and I had to log in when I set-up the Lenovo after all. I quickly opened the settings menu and uninstalled Skype. Can't stand that program anyway.

I didn't get any more notifications after that, so I assumed it had just been some random Skype spam. By the next week I'd almost forgotten it happened, only documented by my twitter feed - jokingly theorising I'd mistakenly intercepted a message from a serial killer.

Supergreatfriend was maneuvering in and out of some very selective elevators on the latest wild goose chase in Shenmue 2 when it popped up again.

killed my first one today, human

The same unknown sender, another ominous text. My nerves were instantly flaring, my hairs standing on end. This shouldn't be happening, I uninstalled Skype. I checked the Discord icon on my task bar, downloaded and installed during the last week. It was inactive. I started the app up to check, but there was no new notifications. I quickly clicked through my direct messages and then scrolled through the servers I followed. Nothing.

*plop*

he got up but I knocked him down with a rock

No. It has to be coming from somewhere. It must! I switched back to Chrome and quickly closed the Youtube tab. Maybe it had been a comment notification from that? Or maybe Twitter? Tumblr? I hastily closed every tab, and then Chrome for good measure. There was no more options. No more twisted, unknown messages.

*plop*

the fall didn't do it, but the spike did

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! It's not stopping, this is so freaky. I opened the start menu as fast as I could - shut down, shut down now!

Slamming the lid closed, I flung the netbook next to me in the sofa. Something had to be wrong with the win 10 install.

I should do a factory reset.

It's been 2 weeks since then. My twitter followers' suggestions ranged from a prank, faulty software, and just my own paranoia, to mistaken identity, refurbished pc still receiving spy messages or a malicious hack. I haven't really wanted to think about it. My Discord buddies suggested I report it to Microsoft, or maybe even the police, but what would I say? "I got these mysterious messages on my new laptop, without them having a sender or a connected program. No, I can't show them to you, they only appeared as live notifications."? They'll think I'm crazy.

I'm starting to think they would have a point. I've been really paranoid lately - seeing shadows were there are none - this weekend I was even convinced someone had broken into my apartment while I'd been out, just because I spent a few minutes searching for the new box of Nescafé medium roast capsules. Finding it, of all places, in the cup cupboard. I hadn't had a cup since. Heh. I shake my head at my own insanity. I really need a vacation.

*plop*

The small sound makes me almost jump out of my skin. The tell-tale soft sound of a windows notification, but it can't be! The Lenovo has been off since that day, secluded to a corner of the living room.

I glare at it there it sits, perched on the corner of the side table. The power button shining brightly, taunting me.

*plop*

Maybe if I just ignore it? Let it sit there on the side-table, plopping to itself until it runs out of power?

The coffee withdrawal is probably exhasperating my mental state.

I decide to make myself a cup of coffee and sit down with an episode of the Film Reroll. I'd found this podcast a few months back and was currently listening my way through their Wizard of Oz playthrough.

My Dolce Gusto coffee machine humms lowdly, slowly filling my cup with some medium roast black goodness. After about a minute, I pick up the freshly-made, piping hot cup of coffee and a nearby teaspoon, put in a few spoons of dairy-free creamer and a packet of sweetener, before stirring everything while heading for the couch.

I settle down in the sofa with my trusty Audio-Technica headphones and my old Sony Xperia tablet - which had ended up being used longer than planned with the recent events.

*plop*

The Lenovo was still asking for attention in the corner, but I block it out of my mind and focus my attention on the Podbean app, quickly starting up ep. 3.

As the group starts bantering about Gillikins and Gilligan's Island, I slowly start breathing normally again. I hadn't even realised I'd been holding my breath.

I give my cup a quick blow before sipping the newly-made coffee.

Sinking deep into the sofa I close my eyes and let the players transport me to their wonderous, weird world of Wizard of Oz, where Dorothy knows mind control and the Scarecrow does more to sabotage the group than help. *Du-du!* The Xperia notification sound deafens the podcast for a few seconds and shocks my eyes open. On the top of the screen is a new message:

I killed 5 yesterday, they cried a lot

I stare at the notification, not really taking in the words. It's like my whole world has frozen, time starting up as a crawl when the notification slowly withdraws. The podcast has just become meaningless noise, nothing reaching past my ears.

*du-du!*

I left the table for a minute and they tried to escape, so I caught the room on fire

This can't be real, this is a joke, a hoax from one of my twitter followers, or discord friends! I desperately run through all the options in my head, looking for an answer, any answer. The messages hadn't appeared on the tablet, only on the pc.

"You don't know that". A tiny little voice in the back of my mind whispered. "The tablet was in the bedroom while you were using your new computer, you saw the messages on the device you were using at that moment."

I desperately grab for the Len, the pc, to confirm to myself that it's a trick, that someone is messing with me, that it's not the same mystery messages I was getting before.

Pulling it open I place it on the sofa next to me and unlock it with my finger. I don't want to think about why it's on or how it's been able to keep a charge for over 2 weeks, I just need to check. To makre sure there's nothing there.

"no new notifications"

With a sharp breath of relief I feel like my terror recedes a bit. There's nothing there. Probably just someone remembering my recent freak-out and deciding to mess with me a bit. I take off the headphones and place them and the tablet on the table, before taking another sip of coffee.

"Heh!" I almost spook myself with my own snort, I'm really too paranoid. Somebody is probably sitting on the other side of the world congratluating themself for their little joke. I will have to thank them for the scare later.

*plop*

The tiny notification sound from the pc next to me is so loud I almost drop the cup, and I can see at the edge of my eye the tablet screen has also lit up with a new message.

fire and poison

"No.." My voice is barely a wisper and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Why? Why is it there? There was nothing, no notifications, no.. i"that's what it said earlier too, when you checked after the first messages. There was never anything there."i/ I looked over at the tablet. windows might not keep the notices, but the tablet definately does! android doesn't hide thems until you clear them. I yank the tablet to me, causing the headphones to tumble onto the floor with a thud. Quickly swiping up, I pull down the notifications.

There's nothing there. No messages, no social media updates, nothing.

Gripping the tablet in my hands, my fear starts changing into rage. Fuck this whole thing, fuck this goddamn slimeball who's probably sitting behind a screen in a lowly lit place laughing to himself over his latest prank driving another completely insane.

Sending more and more bullshit messages.

What's the last one? "Fire and poison"? That doesn't even make any sense, it's just words..

"Yeah!" I shout out. "It's just fucking words on a, a screen! Whoever you are think you so clever for freaking me out like this, but I'm not scared anymore. You can't hurt me. You could never hurt me!

You, you're just, just words!

I can feel the stress letting go of my body, my mucles relaxing. The tablet slips out of my hands and falls on the headphones and floor.

"How do you feel now, huh?" I smirk, every word I speak into the empty room making my body go limp.

*plop*

I can barely turn my head to look at the pc beside me.

i am soo sleepy

Did Did it No, it cant be. I try to reach out and grab the thing beside me, but my arms arent listening to me.

Its just a coinc A co By chance. Friends. It never talked about things like that before. Just about.. Killing.

*plop*

I'd drink some coffee but I am immune

"ee-mmn-e?" My lips cant form my words. What a strange word to choos to talk cofeee. I get not effect from cofffee anymore, but immune? "- and poison" - it pop up in head like a bliking mesaage. Pull head around and stare half-had coffee. It not be+

try - stand, but body heavy. just sit. Help

helo

her;[

trlkhdtmknlmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

after she found the corpse and the maggots got her

#doodlesatbreakfast #short story #horror #creepy story #thanks WafflesRtheBest for the creepy messages #I guess it's a creepypasta?#Was sort of the style I was emulating #tech tales #cw: swearing #tw: dead people #tw: violence #tw: death #tw: murder #jimquisition #supergreatfriend #"theFilmReroll #tw: burning #tw: killing

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ts-seychelles · 6 years ago

Text

EP. 3 - “I Want To Work With Someone Who I Don’t Have To Push A Narrative Toward” - ALEX

So to recap what in the fuck just happened. I was able to get Frankie out because no one had the balls to throw a name out, so I was like Fuck it throw the person that hasn't talked to me much under the bus. Turns out it was the right choice because like Alison he was stuck in a palm tree and couldn't vote. Then as my Low key alliance predicted, we would have a swap at 18, way to be original hosts you did this on another season you hosted. However I didn't get swapped fucked as I originally thought, since I thought it was just me and JG however Jared popped up and now our tribe is 3-3. Now Operation Kiss Ass is ago because I have three brand new tribe members to suck up to so we can have a majority vote, or at least I can have a majority if they want to pull cross tribal thing. But on the bright side I wasn't voted out 18th, I wasn't second voted out on my original tribe, and I made a swap so I improved so much already compared to flops yay!

So the first round we voted out a inactive and then I got sent to ghost island. I am really close to Drake and Jared and with this swap we have now solidified and have a split majority where all we might need is just 1 ... I know of Aysa and I know alex pretty well so we shall see what will happen

Getting swap fucked is my kink. It happens in almost every game I play. It’s such a cute look.

My tribe seems...nice? I know Roxy, Johnny, and Vi from previous games, so I’m hoping we can make something work. I’m terrified being the only one from the old Malabar tribe here, but that just means we’re gonna have to try our hardest to win. I’m just gonna put in my all and hope for the best.

This swap couldn't have gone better. We swapped 5-1 AND I'm in an 4 person alliance with the 5 we had from before the swap. The next couple of rounds should be nice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PF0vMamDY4

Alex is a sneaky one all right, he's trying to get information from me about the tribe dynamics but I'm just going to reflect it back onto him to get more info out of him than he is me. I ain't stupid, I know when it comes down to tribe swaps, espicially in a 3-3 situation the goal is to find that one crack to flip it to your favor. Im loyal to Jared and JG at this very moment so I ain't about to reveal shit to him

oh geez. so tribe swap happened and i think me, augusto, sam, and reagan lucked out. (rip dan because he is by himself) i feel bad for voting out frankie. but we didn’t really have a choice... other than that nicole and vilma seem really nice!

they reuploaded my spam video wig https://youtu.be/mpgD-uqZknI

(A BIT LATER)

https://youtu.be/d1wYk2Hkj48

HOLY SHIT WAIT NICOLE AND JARED ARE DATING WHAT KINDA PLOT TWIST REHASH OF RUBEN/LEXI BULLSHIT IS GOING ON HERE

(A BIT LATER AFTER SCREAMING UNDER WATER)

OKAY APPARENTLY EVERYONE ELSE KNEW BUT ME WHAT ELSE IS NEW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oTbmew7Fa0&feature=youtu.be

Honestly hosts? This challenge that I going to force me out of my comfort zone? Negative. I’m already literally so fucking self conscious and anxiety filled. I’ll probably try to do my best but these are CRUEL. If I die from fucking salmonella poisoning from eating a raw egg imma haunt all your asses for the rest of eternity. Mark my words.

I didn't want to put too much effort into the reward challenge because I don't want to be seen as a threat, and luckily, the immunity challenge is a scavenger hunt that is at the beginning of a work week, otherwise, I'd knock it out of the park immediately. With work, I won't be able to, but I still shared the resources that I have so that they can work on as a group

https://youtu.be/mZ9MVVL_PP4

Okay so I was doing really well until you put me on this shit ass tribe. As people? Lovely. As players? The worst. How am I supposed to do anything with these people? Like literally how am I supposed to do anything. I’m so mad because I actually want to play this game and they are giving literally zero effort, being the absolute worst, all they do is complain and cry....I’m so over it. I haven’t eaten today so maybe just maybe it’s like that I’m hungry but on the other hand, I hate being with losers. Like I was in a tribe of winners who 90% wanted to give their all. Don’t sign up for the damn game if you aren’t willing to eat a raw egg or whatever we are being told to do this round. Why am I going to put in ALL my efforts for these idiots to just vote me out anyway? I’m so annoyed. They’re literally so fucking annoying. And I know the other tribes are actually doing well because they actually want to be here! And when we lose I’m gonna have to kiss more ass with these people because I’m in the minority. It’s just a fucked end of the stick that I got here when everyone else in my old tribe has it so easy. I got stuck with Vilma of all people and then a group of people who won’t ever vote each other out. It’s just like we are never going to win, I ate a fucking egg for these loser asses the best they can do is read some Harry Potter erotica, like get a fucking grip.

Vi doing nothing for this challenge? Expected.

Okay so, I've been on this new tribe for a few days now. I have really been thinking through every strategic situation. There is another layer to my game though, because I have to run through every scenario like I normally would- and then run through them all again, but account for Nicole being present. Not that I don't want to do well if it isn't with her, because that is just not the case. I just have to think about it... everyone else sure will be. Since there is still a long way to go til the merge- this is like a rough outline in different scenarios of getting there. 1- I want to win immunities. Pretty simple. They create a sense of cameraderie, and even though we are in essence 3-3, the longer we are socializing without discourse, the easier it will be for me to maneuver through this in the event that we must attend tribal. --- It's tough to try to account for Nicole's game and my tribe wins affecting how things go for her. I love her but I can't try to speculate what decisions would be the best for both of us mutually, because I could end up destroying us both. She's a smart cookie. She don't need me to get through. 2A- We win 1st place immunity. New Lazare loses. --- Here I don't know if I should make an effort to get Nicole sent to Ghost Island. I'm hoping my conversations with Augusto, her relationship with Regan from prior to this, and her social game outweigh any counter-offence that Vilma could mount. I think a good compromise would be to send Ashen or Sam, someone who is not an enemy of myself. 2B- We win 1st place immunity. Takamaka loses. --- I don't see a situation in where this tribe unanimously agrees to send Dan to Ghost Island. I would not really push the envelope in this spot, but rather see what everyone has to say and give input based off of that. Only person I would be hesitant to send is Johnny. 3A- We lose immunity. JG/Drake is sent to Ghost Island. --- Tough spot. I don't necessarily think that I would be in trouble, but the question is- Do I quietly send off my alliance mate? Do I hard sell Alex under the bus to Ricky and Asya? I think the latter has a higher ceiling outcome, and the lowest floor outcome. (Me getting evicted.) It would all be based on how far I get in conversations with Ricky/Asya without revealing my intentions. There is another option, and that is trying to get Alex to vote off Ricky or Asya. Close to 0% chance of pulling that off, and I don't think I would like the lay of the land coming back from that tribal. 3B- We lose immunity. Alex is sent to Ghost Island. --- Whatever Drake and JG want to do. Not a big discrepancy between Ricky and Asya here for me. I do like Asya a bit more. 3C- We lose immunity. Ricky/Asya is sent to Ghost Island. --- Do I persuade my counterparts to get Alex out in this spot? I do, I do! Why? Because Alex is nowhere on that venn diagram of people that will protect Nicole and myself at the merge. ---------- I had a call with Alex last night and got a lot of information from it. Lots and lots of ammunition that I will hold onto until the time is right. I think he likes me, or at least wants me to think that.

https://youtu.be/xlskto5cgVM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlpWEnCbpD0

(A BIT LATER)

These fucking animals will be the death of me. First Zumba with Tortoises & now I'm covered in bat shit and carrying rabies. WTF who knew idol hunting would be so damn hard!!!

Had a call with Ruben last night, where he said he trusts Zach and I the most, and that Roxy has gotten kind of boring to him. I slipped it in there that Roxy is a pretty dangerous player (which she is), and those seeds just give me even more confidence that I can get her out sooner rather than later. Even thinking about making a power move to just have Zach, Ruben and I vote for Roxy, and then Roxy and Vi would vote for Dan, while Dan would likely vote for Vi, so idk...... When I was talking to Ruben, he clarified I'm his #1 and I'm going to start treating him like he's my number one. I don't wanna tell him about my idol yet obviously, but I think I can trust Ruben a lot. I know I've got that same kind of relationship going with Zach AND Crooks, so I'm spreading myself thin, but not trying too hard socially. Still can't find that Takamaka idol. I only got to search once, but I doubt I'm getting as lucky as I did on Lazare. I'm shook we won immunity when Vi didn't do anything.... it's kind of why I would feel bad voting out Roxy or Dan before Vi goes home..... she just doesn't continue to stay here. Ruben and I said we're going to see who goes home from the tribe that's going to tribal this round, and after we strong armed sending JG to Ghost Island, it gives Alex, Ricky and Asya numbers..... IF they stick together. I can see them not sticking together because I know those are the two people that Alex has spoken to roughly the least? So I could see Alex trying to work with Jared and Drake. I won't really be sad either way, but if someone from OG Lazare goes home, then Dan's fate might be sealed, which is kind of what Crooks wants anyways, so I guess good for him. I've never felt in such a secure spot in a tribe before, just because I feel our tribe is so strong, and we're just thinking about winning, and there are two easy outs, with a lowkey third person coming up on the horizons (Roxy). We'll see if I can get what I want this early in the game :P I will try to make this tribe interesting somehow. I promise!

You want the tea huh? We fuckin won binnnnnch. I’m shook honestly haha. Vi was as useful as soup on a hot summer day and we still literally got first place. So I’m liking that my tribe seems motivated to do our best in things, I was so worried I would be boned by the swap, but I seem to be acclimating well. The one thing that scares me is that Jared is vulnerable this week. I was hoping to push for him to go to Ghost Island but my gay ass was asleep of course. JG going is whatever, it’s just gonna give a fucking floater more power. It also puts the old Lizard (or whatever their name is) tribe at a 3-2 advantage over my cute old Malabar’s but whatever my ass is safe and that’s the only ass I care about.

Ugh I hate being in a 5 person tribal, my 3rd tribal in a row, and one where the tribal lines leave me in the minority. I'm trying to vote out someone I just am very cautious when throwing out a name since I am in the minority and Ricky, Alex, and Asya could easily team up and vote me out. I may just go and try throwing out Asya because she's the one I talked least to. It's ugh im going to have a panic attack rip

Its really hard protecting vi tbh but shes loyal only to me so shes good for me

I did say every one on my tribe was great right? Totally carried me through this as I died physically and mentally. Maybe I can finally get some sleep and then tackle tonight’s thingy ;-;

https://youtu.be/rxYjBRg9u1g

I thought I liked Jared but he’s a little bit of a weasel. Jared’s like Kraft Mac and Cheese. It’s not your favorite food, it’s pretty mediocre. But it’s still good? Like if nothing else we’re there it’d be great. But I’ve got like a sundae with Asya and a Rueben Sandwich with Ricky. He’s smart. But I don’t like that he is. I wanna work with someone who I don’t have to push a narrative towards. However I feel great about Asya and Ricky. But we lost and if I get voted out the day after my three year anniversary I’ll cry.

I'm liking my new tribe so far. Nicole did most of the work last challenge and I am so grateful for that. Vilma is also sweet and funny, love her. Yesterday stressed me the fuck out though. I can handle the workload. Pippa is hosting this game, is in like 5 theatre shows, and school. So, I think i can do this. (PIPPA REALLY APPRECIATED THIS) MY INTERNET is what is fucking me up though. I could have done so many more of the video dares if my internet would just do what it supposed to do. It's so stressful. GOD. I just hope this shit doesn't ruin the game for me.

Smooth sailing as far as last tribal goes, which is surprising since I expected Frankie to come online and for it to be a bloody mess but guess not! Speaking of a bloody mess, I’m avoiding one! With a tribe swap happening, I get to avoid picking any sides as Malabar was about to turn into a Ashen/Drake vs Dan/Regan/Jared with Samantha and I in the middle -type of sticky situation really quick SO now I get to save face. Tbh, I am not really sure what side I would’ve chosen if it was a battle of the Malabar titans since a lot would’ve had to factor into the vote. With this new swap, I want to continue to build connections but do so at a slower pace (unless I end up swap fucked and then I’m kicking my charm into high gear) so I can once again have options. We’ll see what happens!

(A BIT LATER)

The results are in…. And I’m lucky for once? The swap actually worked out almost perfectly and the only instance where that has happened is Flops when I got to choose my new tribe. On New Lazare, Malabar has the numbers with 4 original members (Ashen, myself, Regan, Samantha) and we have Nicole and Vilma from original Lazare. Here, I have the option of sticking to my alliance with Ashen and Samantha, trying to stick it out with Regan as a newfound duo, or try to get super close to Nicole and/or Vilma somehow for options. Fluidity and adaptability is what the game is all about, so I’ll try to make that my mantra per se during this new phase of the game. As far as my other OG tribemates go, they are in shitty positions and I feel awful. My partner in crime Jared is in a 3-3 situation alongside Drake and JG and then Dan is by himself on the newly formed Takamaka. I relate so much to Dan in this moment just because I was all by myself during Socotra and had to face those giants all on my own, so I hope they at least give him an opportunity cause he does not deserve that. This swap is gonna be interesting for sure, though. I’m excited!

(EVEN LATER)

Can I just say I love Nicole? Okay so, her and I had a really good heart to heart both personally and strategically which makes me really excited. Before I swapped onto Lazare, Jared and I had a conversation about him and her and what their relationship entails as far as the game goes. He told me that he would never want to vote her out, which I totally understand and would never expect him to do because that’s a REAL relationship. I’m selfish but not selfish enough to ask him to pick between her or myself and I reiterated that to him. Anyway, I ended up telling Nicole that Jared and I were the best of buddies on OG Malabar to connect better with her as a person and as a gameplayer. I also told her about my conversation with Jared and how he really cares for her, etc. By doing that, Nicole and I really got to bond and had a conversation about this whole Malabar versus Lazare mentality that is likely to plague the swap as it did the first two rounds of the game. She also let me know that Alex was very much assertive in the fact that he wanted to decimate Malabar completely and how people such as Ricky and Asya were not very about it, etc. We also brought up the possibility of us working together in the future, which I am super about because it allows me to be close to someone from Lazare and gives me the bridge I need to those players, plus it helps me get even closer to Jared. Also in a sense, their relationship can be a shield for me in the future as a couple would be more likely to be targeted than a third wheel. Overall, I am feeling really good!

So......we won immunity 😬 I was really thinking my tribe was gonna be lazy because they wasted a full 36 hours. At the last moment they came through and fucked over my boyfriend, a sentiment I’m sad about but...also we won immunity. I’m kind of worried for him but Ricky seemed genuinely on board with me and I don’t think he’d want to make an enemy of me. He knows I can be a villain if he calls for one.

So the challenge is not really over, but I do think we’re doing okay? I am just thinking about a future tribal scenario and I think my game plan for this stage of the swap is to maybe get rid of Vilma and then Ashen so I can stay working with Regan, Nicole, and Samantha. Vilma is a good asset in challenges and overall an amazing person, but I do think it’d be smart to get rid of at least one Lazare person. As far as Ashen goes, I do find her to be a threat only because she seems somewhat social and she is the one that started the alliance between myself, Drake, her, and Samantha. The only thing is that she had no real agency/pull when she tried to get rid of Regan instead of Frankie so who knows. At least I could potentially use the fact that Ashen wanted to axe Regan against her in the future, but we’ll see… maybe I’m moving too fast haha. Let’s just get this bread first and I’ll act crazy later.

wish i didnt have to go to tribal xoxo

I knew this iconic color would produce iconic results… I’m…. WE WON?! This is my first challenge win this season and it’s been long overdue, so I’m super happy about that! Not only that, but this tribe is seriously awesome. I love the girl power, the legendary status of these people, and overall our vibe because we came together pretty well. I am nervous for Drake and Jared just because I KNEW that JG would be sent to Ghost Island since he is not social or very much active, so I will likely lose an alliance member this round and I’m sad about it. If I had to guess, I’d say Drake is the boot since Jared is more social and the Lazare on that tribe probably don’t want to piss off Nicole this early on. If Jared does leave, I’ll be really sad because our duo never got its time to shine, but let’s hope the show can continue whatever the circumstance.

Okay so I like Nicole I like Augusto Vilma kinda hasn't talked to me. I forget who else exists tbh. Sam barely does. Ashen barely does. Me augusto and Nicole pulling the weight on this tribe fr

AGAIN SORRY FOR THE LACK OF CONFESSIONALS, it takes a while to write them and I'm constantly staying up till 5am or even later for this game, so I'm pretty much exhausted during the day. It's tough honestly! Thankfully I haven't had to go to tribal so far in this game so there's not that much tea to spill. Here's my game so far, summarized: I had already forgotten how much my social game sucks. I hate the start of orgs, it's super overwhelming trying to socialize and get to know so many knew people. I get social anxiety every time I see a message pop up on my screen and pretend it didn't ever happen lmao. Thankfully I got put on Lazare which turned out to be a really active tribe and everyone was really nice to me despite the fact that they all seemed to pretty much know each other and I was kind of the odd one out. I think there's a good chance I would have gotten voted out if I ever went to tribal with them, but thankfully we were BEASTS at challenges so we didn't have to vote anyone out. The 99 bottles challenge was a nice bonding moment between Johnny, Zach and I despite me being super awkward as always. And I FINALLY got to compete on the music video challenge for the first time which was an absolute highlight. <<33333 I can pretty much go home happy now, I got what I wanted LMAO. Don't worry I'm not quitting though. Just as the tribe swap was happening Roxy told me that her idol clue said the idol's not in the volcano. I appreciated the info! All in all, I didn't talk much game with anyone on Lazare, which made me think I was on the outs but on the other hand we never went to tribal so there wasn't really any real reason to talk about strategy. Besides, I was horrendous at answering messages so it's partially my own fault. Then I got swapfucked. Haha okay that might be a slight exaggeration, but clearly numbers weren't on my side at the swap as I went from a 10 to 8 advantage to a 4 to 2 disadvantage. The only person from og Lazare that swapped with me was Nicole. We made a promise to have each others backs and she convinced me that she had a good relationship with some of our new tribe mates, so there's chance she could convince them to flip. I hope that's true, but it could very well be the end for me if end up to tribal. It's pretty difficult trying to understand all the game dynamics since so many players already know each other! I'm just trying to observe as many conversations as possible to figure out who's close with who, and who's against who. Even though my new tribe lost the reward challenge by a pretty big margin, we were able to come together in the last minute at immunity and placed 2nd, so we didn't have to go to tribal. WOOOOOOO I live to see yet another day in this game!!!! Awesome. I really don't think I have any chance to win this, so my plan at this point is just to hang in there as long as possible. So far I've done pretty good at that if I say so myself. I'm gonna try and continue to be a challenge beast for now, just so that my tribe would think they need me if we end up having to go to tribal. Summary: Loving the challenges, failing hard at the social game, but most importantly HAVING GREAT FUN THANKS

Omg I feel so bad for not contributing much to the comp but like also I’m super busy so I guess it’s fine?? We won by 15 points and I only sent in 12 points hahaha at least I did something! I really like Nicole and Vilma, and I’m happy that my old tribe has majority here, so I don’t want to lose because I don’t know how that vote would go! Oh well :(

#itsgametimekids

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enderoftheend · 8 years ago

Text

5 Things Thing

Tagged by the one and only @five-foot-a-b1tch! (I’m stealing your number symbols, they look fancy.)

5 things I keep in my bag ① Laptop: Windows 10 Acer laptop in prime breaking down condition! This thing is a few years old. I hope it lasts until I get a new one, lol. I’m a bit attached to it, though... I have fond memories of me playing games in class when I’m supposed to be working. (I’m a high school student, okay? It’s what we all do.) ② 3DS XL: Okay, not ALL the time, but... I do bring it a lot. I take my Pokemon very seriously. All I need to do to have caught ‘em all is to finish the Alolan Dex and then gotten a Diancie. One day, I’ll be a real Pokemon master... ③ Sketchbook: I try not to think about the fact that it has my sister’s ex boyfriend’s name on it. I’m pretty sure it was his when he was in year 9 art, but... he left it here, so yoink. ④ Books: Lots of books. My bag is heavy... ⑤ Laptop charger: The battery on my laptop is warped, so the charger is like a lifeline for it. Well, it has crappy battery life, basically.

5 things I keep in my room ① Birb statues: My dad bought them for me. One of them is a macaw that’s drilled into my wall. The other is a bald eagle that’s sat on my shelf... my bird sits on the eagle, sometimes. He has no fear. ② Plush animals: Most of them are different types of birds... I have an elephant, cheetah and Fennekin one as well though. I also have a really old robotic cat toy, which has been out of battery since forever. It’s furry, though... and again, my bird likes to sit on it. I’m still a kid, so I have a bald eagle plush that I still sleep with. I love bald eagles, y’know? They’re my favourite animal. ③ Assassin’s Creed Special Edition boxes: More specifically, the Notre Dame edition of Unity and the Buccaneer edition of Black Flag. I used to be obsessed with Assassin’s Creed, but now my love for it is more nostalgia for how much I used to enjoy it. I still stand by my opinion that Connor’s the best character, though. ④ Merchandise: Of the Attack on Titan and Undertale variety. I have a Survey Corps uniform, and though... poorly made, I still very much so enjoy it, because I’m a freakin’ nerd. The Undertale merch I got a few days ago from Fangamer. It came with two shirts, one of which is too big for me, but that’s not gonna stop me from wearing it. ⑤ Feather box: I collect feathers. Most of the feathers I have in there are from my bird, since he’s... usually the bird at closest proximity to me in most hours of the day.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do with my life (oh god) ① Concept Art: Getting the obvious stuff out of the way. I enjoy digital painting moreso than doing lined art. It’s just fun to work with colours and lighting and shapes more freely. ② Animate: Probably not gonna happen... especially compared to my art skills, my animation skills are subpar (I know because I tried, I have a YouTube channel with crappy WMM animations in it), and I’m not patient enough to spend days upon days animating a 5-minute video. I have immense respect for animators. Not to mention, every good animation program costs like $500??? What the hell???? ③ YouTube personality: Again, probably never gonna happen, but I want to feel important to a wide range of people. ④ Make a game: It’s not just Undertale that makes me like Toby... Everything he says and does inspires me in some way. He’s my biggest role model at the moment, and I’ve had an idea for an original story for quite a bit. What made me sure that I wanted to do this eventually was a quote he had on his (inactive) Tumblr, when Undertale had its first Birthday. ⑤ Cosplay: Yes. 5 things I’m into ① Attack on Titan: AoT AoT AoT AoT AoT (it’s always been my most favourite thing ever. I have a place in my heart specially dedicated to it.) ② Undertale: Coming second only to Attack on Titan. I love this game so, so much. I joined the fandom a little late but was immediately charmed by the game the moment I met Flowey. It didn’t take me long to start obsessing over it... by the time I stepped out of the Ruins, I already lost myself to this world. Look at me now. Haha. Ha. ③ osu!: osu! is an Australian-made rhythm game where you click the circles... to the beat. (No, it’s not Japanese, like I initially thought it was. It was actually made by some guy in Perth.) I’ve only been playing for about 9 months and I’m ranked 46k globally out of over 9 million players. Something about seeing you grow out your skill in such a short amount of time is so rewarding. It’s great for improving stamina in my arms (which I’ve always had trouble with, thanks to a certain disability that I was born with) and perhaps the greatest thing about this game is the culture surrounding it. There’s kind of a poetic balance between beauty and elegance, intenseness and frustration, and just... utter weirdness. I love it. ④ Touhou Project: I only recently got into it, but boy, did I get sucked into it. It’s just so damn difficult that it’s impossible not to play it over and over. And, I’ve watched Memories of Phantasm, the fanmade anime... the only good thing about it is the animation quality. And that’s not just me complaining like a hipster... it actually sucks so badly it’s funny. My favourite character is Cirno, in case anyone’s curious. ⑤ Warriors: The one and only book series that I actively follow. The writing’s horrendous in some books, but I love the ideas in it anyway. Plus, Jayfeather is to live for. My favourite book would be either Bluestar’s Prophecy, which was the first book I’ve ever read, Tallstar’s Revenge, which made me shed a manly tear at the end, or Path of Stars, which ACTUALLY made me cry, because that death scene was so emotional. I loved Gray Wing, man...

5 things on my to-do list ① Improve my art: ok. ② Get on top of my schedule: I swear I love my comics... ③ Catch ‘em all: You don’t get it... I take my Pokemon VERY seriously. ④ Actually beat Touhou 6: IT’S. HARD. ⑤ Become a 4-digit player on osu!: Because the community gives 5-digit players like me enough smack for being mediocre... 5 things you may not know about me ① Well, I guess you know NOW, but I was born with a disability. Low muscle tone, AKA Hypotonia. It’s not actually that bad, I think... it does get in the way, but it’s liveable with. ② My earliest memories involved me being a selective mute. This was when I was 4 years old. I only felt comfortable talking at home, and even then I didn’t do it much. I also had OCD, apparently, which I think I can remember a little bit of at the back of my mind. Not too sure, though. ③ I like flowers. For symbolism, partly. But picking flowers has a sort of childish innocence that appeals to me, as well. I don’t think I have a favourite flower. ④ I interacted with Markiplier before I knew who he was... Everyone else on the server at the time knew, though. I was one of the few people on who was very confused. My exact thoughts were, “Who the Hell is this loser?” I was like... 12 or 13, maybe? It was back when he still played Minecraft. And I’m preetty damn sure it wasn’t a fake, seeming as I recall him typing in the chat with words that correlated exactly to what he recorded on his first episode of Drunk Minecraft. I didn’t say anything until after he finished recording and hung out for a bit because I practically just got on the server. ⑤ I’m half Italian. Have you ever been to an Italian Christmas family reunion at midnight? Because I have. It’s loud.

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survivor-switzerland · 7 years ago

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EPISODE 0 (BALLOTS): GET ANOTHER SHOT AT TAKING THE CROWN - KEEGAN

I'm watching everyone join the chat and keeping tabs on who played once or twice so i know who look out for on the ballot or possibly in the game. I know people from my season probably hate me and will never trust me in games ever again so i'm trying to keep my head down and my wig on because i know if i do get voted in along with that don't like game me, i'm truly fucked. I'm still excited and hopeful for the best.

Every time I look at the ballot, I flinch and cringe a bit because it's almost guaranteed that whoever gets on this season will have a partner with them from their season which is pretty much an alliance right off the bat. It worries me because I could be without a seasonal partner which could put a target on my back if I do get into the game, or the game will be even harder to play because everyone will be expected to be with their partner and divergence from that system could cause serious chaos

Honestly, I don't think I stand a CHANCE against some of these other people in the ballot. Some people in the ballot are literal legends in both the TS and BB communites so I'm honestly just hoping for the best that I'll make the cut. If I make it onto the cast I hope Dom, Nick & Luke are there with me since I know them all but I'm sure I'll be happy with whoever I'm in the game with as long as I get cast!

Well I'm nervous as always when it comes to public vote. I think I can get enough votes to make it!! I know I have a fan club that is doing what they can. If I don't get in it's not like it's the end of the world!! Yeah it would be fun but there are always more seasons!!! I just hope it's not casted with people that are gonna be inactive or complete butts. Like Matthias - please no I like him but please don't cast him. In games he is a mess.

I feel like people have more connections with alot of people here in the tumblr community. Me in the other hand has less connections with most of the community. I can tell by this ballot that if you are popular you can get instantly in and I feel like there's more to this ballot but it's just my guess. I feel like the Great Lakes people are all in and another season of 4 I forgot (on phone btw) is in as well. That's probably a pre-made alliance by now and if I was in ima make sure to find an idol first and making sure my own cover is there so that way one by one they will go down, honesty is the best policy and I play true to the heart and I may be nice, but if I played a 2nd time ima play like a comp beast that no one can try to beat. My entity of advertising is to not campaign and not to ask people to campaign for me but to get them to campaign to vote me without me actually doing the work but with a little bit of me saying yes please vote me but without saying to vote me in a lot of vocabulary terms. Win or lose the ballot it was great being asked to play again despite whatever happens will happen.

i don't think i have a shot at being cast so i don't have much to say. i just hope that the cast is adorable. if i get in then this world is fucked up.

It's funny to submit a confessional for a series you haven't been cast on yet. There's 30 options. I have played exactly 3 games in the community since joining in late 2016. Myanmar was my first game and I tanked that pretty bad. Since then, I won House of Shade 16 and I played Survivor Wikia: Morocco on Facebook and placed 4th, winning Player of the Season. I now feel like I'm ready to come back to Tumblr Survivor and see if I can play a better game than previous. Looking at the prospective cast, I am the oldest on the ballot by 4 years, so I definitely have my work cut out for me no matter what. I have only played with Keegan, my Myanmar castmate, but I'm friendly with Trent (Kiribati) because he hosted Survivor Wikia: Morocco. My strategy for campaigning has been to just be visible in the VL because a lot of people have made it obvious that they only know a few people and they, for whatever reason, are required to fill up the ballot with 10 names. I'm befriending as many people in the chat as possible to take the opportunity to be fresh in their heads when they're selecting randoms to fill out the rest of their ballots. So far, I like Nick (bio video notwithstanding), Tyler (though the vast majority of the community has told me to stay far away from him), Renee, Ian, Benjamin, Zack, Logan, Ci'ere (who lives in the same city that I do), Steven, Ashton, Kage, Luke, and Bodhi (that list was longer than intended. It looks like I just like everybody).

To summarize: My campaign is literally just participation. My friends from other ORGs voting for me is the same expectation everyone else should have. The real game is convincing losers you don't know that they should vote for you in addition to the 3-4 people they have history with.

Um I'm worried I'm not gonna be cast becuz I don't really know anybody in this community but strategies hmmmm I'm in pretty big reddit org community so Ive posted the ballot in there everyday which probabaly got me some extra votes people couldn't get. But other than that I feel like the only people I'm getting are the other Great Lakes people which maybe is enough but I doubt it. Anyways, hopefully I'm cast..don't think I will be.

I'm not really doing much for the ballot honestly! I'm just posting it in a few chats I am in and sending it to friends that I know are voting for me. I am also making sure that I vote myself everyday and haven't missed one yet! I'll probably get more aggressive as the days go on, because I want to make sure I at least have a group of 10-15 I know are voting me. What I like is that you are required to vote for 10 people in my group so I hope I'm not just skipped and some people accidentally vote for me!!

Right now my strategy is being an annoying fly and fly into all the chats I'm in and tell them to vote for me. I was shook to see 4 Bora Bora reps including myself in the ballot. Not to mention 3 Mystic Falls peeps and Luke as well. I'm already trying to assess these people in the ballot and get a read on them. Anyways hopefully all the Bora Bora and Mystic Falls get casted because I love them all.

I'm supposed to be well liked so hopefully that gets me the votes?? Okay back to being an annoying fly.

Alright there friends. Welcome to my second season on Tumblr Survivor. I'm very excited to get everything working, it's all falling together with relative ease.

So on my ballot, there's quite a few people. A whole 15 of them in fact.

Ok so Logan and I are both from Maine. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where Ellsworth even is, but I'll trust that it's in Maine. We are also both Jews, and with the addition of Daisy, this might be the highest concentration of Jews in human history. We hit it off well enough, we'll work together if we can.

Dom R seems like a cuck, but fortunately for us, I'm also a cuck! what a beautifully cute insult. Now, Dom was kind enough to elaborate on his game in his little campaign video, and it is CLEAR to me that he is not that great at this game. He'll make the merge, and he'll be eliminated as a threat, and everyone(including me) will say "oh no, Dom was robbed." But we'll be wrong. He doesn't understand the game a high enough extent I don't think. He is very much on the "prove myself, make a move" train, which is NOT HEALTHY. I hope that Dom proves me wrong with his game, because I really like the guy off of my first impression alone, but I think he'll make a move too early and pay for it.

C, I, E R E, don't forget the apostrophe. God, this is an annoying way to say your name. On that fact alone, I didn't vote Ci'ere in the first two ballots. However, I decided on a whim to talk to him, and I actually really like the guy. He's a little over the top, but hey, so am I, just in a different way. I'm excited for Ci'ere, because I think that I can make other people feel rubbed the wrong way by him, but I also think that he could be a great ally.

Akito seems beloved, so I'm checking that name on every ballot. I want to maximize my own chances by throwing away my votes at people who I feel are already guaranteed a spot. I don't click that well with Akito, but I think I could if we were on the same tribe.

Max lists off 3 seasons they were on previously. Um, excuse me, but isn't this SECOND chances?

I am PUMPED for some Brett. I didn't care about Brett until now, but his calling out the Tumblr community in his paragraph that is posted ON TUMBLR is incredible. I really hope that he gets on, because we need at least one straight white male to fulfill the diversity requirements.

Keegan's intro is so LONG, but he seems like a good threat to have around. I think he's got a decent shot at winning, but not really. He says that he will do anything to win, which probably includes losing.

Steven and I won't click I don't think. He says iconic about FOUR DAYS. Like, iconic is only a cool word if you don't overuse it. See Brett for more info. He's gonna make big moves, so I want him on my side. He won't win, but he could make it a little ways into the game, and he'd be a convenient shield because EVERYONE is rooting for his success in the VL. I actually take back that we wont get along. "Nothing says winning like two rocks in your pocket" is a beautiful quote, and I really like Steven now.

Dom A was player of the season in India. I was POTS in my season as well, so hopefully there will be a mutual shield relationship with us two.

ASHTON and I never really clicked on GL. I liked the guy, but Kage wanted him gone, and I wanted Kage in charge, so I let it happen. Ashton was MAD at me, but I did what I had to.

Kage was my favorite. He LOVES grabbing control of the game and tearing it to the ground, but the problem is that everyone sees through him. Kage will be an early boot this season, but he'd better be on my side until he goes.

Luke thinks that he played a good game in Great Lakes. I very much disagree with this notion, and I need to avoid telling him that I think his game was very average. He just played idols that he found out of sheer luck too early, and got voted out for playing too hard. His social game makes everyone think that he's scheming too much, which is not exactly what you want the perception of you to be. I am excited to play with Luke again because I really love the guy, but I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut.

Lily gave a terrible bio, and all I know is that her perception of the game seems below average.

Daisy seems very intelligent. I would love to work closely with Daisy. She and I are both Jews, and I've very offhandedly mentioned the possibility of a Jewish alliance called "the Jews did this" just because I think that's funny.

Alright!! ON TO MYSELF! So am I going to win second chances? probably not. I don't think I have that much of a shot at all actually. But I'm going to give it my all, and try to play the most fun game that I possibly can. I'm floating around so very many new strategic ideas, and I'm narrowing in on a game plan. I want to be that one guy who is just controversial enough that people will think I'm a goat, but just sensible enough that people will want to work with me. I essentially want to be Abi Maria, except it's all an act. I am very excited to play this game out. I don't know to what extent I will take this strategy, but I know that to an extent I'll be playing a new character this season, which excites me quite a bit. I'll throw challenges just a little bit this time around, because I think that it's exhilarating, but I don't want people realizing that I'm throwing them. There's a whole new dimension that needs to be applied now. Originally, I just wanted to seem like I am not a threat at all, but now I have to seem like I'm not trying to seem like I'm not a threat, while still minimizing my threat factor. WHEW this is gonna be fun.

Outside of my ballot, I really like Ryan. He talks in a way that shows his intelligence. He pauses, and then lets out a bunch of words at once, which is a very appealing way to speak in my opinion. I think he's going to overplay, but I'd like him on my side while he does it.

Renee is going to be one of the bigger threats in the game. I think she's not in a great position to win, but she's got a good shot. I'm very excited to play with her.

I really love Ian's accent. He wants to prove himself which is great for my game. I don't want to prove myself at all, I just want to win, and these people saying that proving themselves is important is EXCELLENT.

Trent is over the top in the best possible way. I love Trent.

Apparently Ashley Sarah is very popular, so I'll watch out for her.

Zack is a very good player. That is no good.

Uh so like, I'm not entirely confident about getting onto the season and I really do think it's all down to the season that I originally come from. People literally hate the Great Lakes cast and it's not hard to see why because all tea, they're some of the most annoying people I've ever met in my life. I'm being shady by not voting for any of the other Great Lakers on the ballots but that's because I don't want any of them in the season with me! Ashton and Kage don't deserve it and quite frankly, Bodhi is full of himself and he ain't that great so there's that!

I'm trying my best to campaign for votes, getting a couple people from outside the community to vote for me so that's cute. I'm putting the link in my Skype bio, on my Tumblr and just places where people might click it and vote for me! I really do think that I deserve this second chance but there are 4 Great Lakers on the ballot and like....people won't wanna vote for all 4 of them so they might be leaving me out. I'm literally guilty by association for being on one of the worst seasons but I was one of the shining lights of that season, know that. Can't wait to get dragged for this in the GL reunion chat if this gets released. Oops!

Finals can't keep a hoe from campaigning

I'm so glad that campaigning is 1/3 of the way done because I think I'm annoying everyone by telling them to vote for me everyday lmao. I'm one of the lesser known people in the Tumblr community, so I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get my name out there and collect dem votes. Luckily, people like unique names so that's a plus for me!! My predictions on official cast locks from group one are Trent, Tyler, Matthias, Ryan, Nick, Renee, Ashley Sarah, Abel, Jeff and Zack. For group two: Bodhi, Keegan, Brett, Steven, Ashton, Logan, both Doms, and Kage. This is based on video views and how people are socializing/campaigning for their faves. I didn't really care for Max's video, but their self-deprecating manner and individuality makes me hope they get through. I'm trying to socialize a lot in the VL, send some cute selfies lmao, and literally message every group chat I'm in to garner votes. I literally gave someone my face wash routine asdfghjkl. I hope that people are liking me and that in about 9 days 'll be sending confessionals from in the game! I really want this second chance and I'm gonna go all out for it.

Hey fam so it's day 4 of the ballot and~~~~~ I'm not sure how well my chances of making it on are tbh. I've done some campaigning and asked friends to vote but it's really a daunting task to keep up with it everyday lol. Honestly though I do think I have a good shot of avoiding being the 5 who don't get in (from my group)

I see people advertising e v e r y w h e r e.... like they really going HAM!!!

I feel like there's sooo much pregaming going on that I'm not apart of kfhslajd rip. Bodhi in particular..... he messaged me like day 1 and we had a really good conversation and seems like someone I could work with. But as the days went on I talked to some others & they're all like "omg Bodhi is so great i love him" sooo I see you Bodhi!!!

WHICH OF YOU UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS DECIDED TO MOVE THE PREMIERE DATE UP TO A FRIDAY. THE ONE DAY I CANNOT BE THERE ON TIME. LITERALLY FUCK Y'ALL. Also idk why but some of the people that are potential cast mates annoy me. I hate that they annoy me and i know it's wrong but like, it's their names and the way they talk and how close they are that just... irk me. This is gonna sound so awful when these confessionals get released.

Whew! So I probably should've submitted by now but I keep forgetting. Anyways, so far my strategy is to not campaign too much. I figure most people are voting based off their friends, or based off who they think had the most convincing plea's. So if someone wasn't already gonna vote for me, they're not gonna change their mind just because i sent the link to a random VL and asked them to. If I see someone send a link I'll add on, "hey, vote for me too!" but I really don't think it's gonna make a huge difference. I really hope that people see me and know that I deserve this, and that they choose to vote me in.

It's the last day!!! I'm so nervous!!! I hope I get in but I also don't wanna flop !!! I think I have a decent chance tho. So many names I don't know will allow me to get some new allies so that will be nice. Unless they all turn out to be snakes. Ugh. I'm hoping that if I do get in I'll have at least one friend. Maybe Keegan or Dom. Not sure how Zack will feel cause I haven't spoken to him since game wonder if he would be ally or target me from start???

Oh man, I meant to send in one of these a few days ago right after the link was set up but work and life happened and I forgot oops.

Well, to start things off, I'm really hoping I got enough votes to make the top 10. I want my Second Chance! Plus my bestie Brett is also on the ballot! If we both get on we can power our way through the game together! First ever joint winners of Tumblr Survivor?

Other than Brett, I know Logan, Daisy, Ashley Sarah.... and.... Jevvon. I think that's it? I'm not exactly friends with any of them but having playing a bit with most of them I have an idea of how they're games are. I'd rather play with people I have some knowledge of rather than people I've never even heard of (sorry not sorry).

I'm not sure there's much else to say at this point. I put in a lot of effort, maybe not as much as I could have, but hopefully it pays off!

Today is the day!! I've gotten to talk to several people on the ballot as we help each other get votes. I really look forward to knowing if I made it in and working with some of these people!!! I really should play more survivor so maybe this game will help me get back into that side of the org community!! Nervous but I think I have enough to do it.

The more time that passes, i'm starting to think that maybe i didn't get cast for second chances. Truth be told, i'm not that popular and i'm sure the people that always talk will probably get voted in because they most likely made a bunch of email accounts and had their friends vote too, so i'm slowly losing hope on the fact that i got cast. To me, i'd rather expect not to be cast and then expect too much and get short changed. If the so called "annoying" people get cast and i'm not, then i would have dodged a bullet but i'd still like to play. I'm sorry i'm not that bitch, that's just not my style

Voting Closure- Well voting has ended and my chances going in are pretty...pretty low. I did not campaign at all and I know most of these people played harder to get in. It would be a total miracle if I was in, I would be surprised if I was in because I did not campaign at all. I guess it depends on how you are perceived as. Thank you so much for reading this and hope to see you another day. =)

i am filled w anxiety

well im not getting cast so that's fun. but it was super fun and awesome to be considered!!! anyways buy How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful on iTunes.

So the ballots have officially come to an end and now I wait. There are some people on the ballot I can 100% see myself trying to work with like Dom, Logan, Luke, etc. It doesnt appear to me that I have any enemies on the ballot, which is a huge plus... not to mention I have no rivalries with people because I havent played in 200 years. I think I have a far shot at getting a chance to come back... my name was first on the ballot which might help???? As long as there wasnt too much of a rigged system I shit be looking pretty to go in on Friday :)

With voting over and the game beginning on Friday, I'm starting to get nervous I didn't get enough votes to make the season.

I'd love to be on the season and get another shot at taking the crown!!

oh my god. okay so voting is over and all i can say is... i really hope i got voted in! i feel like a lot of the good people were on ballot 1 so idk if i'm like actually gonna get in.. a lot of irrelevants and people i never even heard of were on ballot 2 and i'm just like.. sis put me on ballot 2 so i have a better chance of getting voted in. but i still have hope!!! i campaigned my ass off so hopefully people who said they would vote for me actually did... i also hope i at least have some allies that get voted in with me so i'm not all alone!! ahh i'm stressed till friday... yall really stressin me out. but, let us pray.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (translation: I have no idea if I advertised enough or if people like me enough, and I'm hoping that my doubts are misplaced on both of those fronts. So I'm just kinda sitting here and... waiting. @Drew hmu with those leaks ;) ayy ;) how bout it ;) i'll bring you something from wawa next time we come to michigan ;) i dont think yall have wawas in michigan so ;) ayy)

I'm not too confident as far as the result of the ballot goes, but I hope that I stood out enough to make people want to vote for me. Bodhi made a mock poll to see who people think got voted in and apparently I was doing well, so I think that's a good sign! Even if I don't get to play in Switzerland, campaigning was really fun (and stressful 😅) and I'm so grateful that the hosts considered me to return. So thanks to y'all and to everyone that voted for me! 💕 Cheers to the beginning of what will be a great season (that includes me in it)~

I tried being a bit more strategic with my votes in the final half. I tried voting for only one player from each season, because I know how difficult the game will be if there's already a huge alliance of players that know each other. I keep trying to reassure myself that there's only a small chance that I won't be making it just based on the nature of the votes, so I really hope I get in!

Brett is so annoying I hope we're both voted in so I can vote him off 2nd bc he isn't worthy enough to be a first boot

Right now I'm a bit anxious on the cast reveal. I really don't know if I made the cut or not. BUT, to my surprise some people whom I've never even talked to ended up voting for me! I'm kind of surprised and thankful for that. So anyways I have some confidence I will be cast but who knows.

I'd like to give shout out to those who voted for me! THANKS Y'ALL! I hope all of your votes were enough to get me in!!

Greetings there, cowboys. I've been listening to some cool music recently! And more importantly, I've been thinking out my strategy. I want people to think about me just the right amount at first, but then fade into the background. I want to be one of those people that on day one, people want to be the first to get to strategically, but then I want to float down that river until I crash into a goddamn beaver damn and get voted out in 7th place.

My social game is exactly what I want it to be. My pregaming hasn't been anything firm, but I've talked to a few people and planted seeds for future social connections. I'm not getting super close with anyone pregame, but I'm bonding with people over various portions of our identities. Oh, you're Jewish? Me too. Let's be friends. Oh, your name is spelled weirdly? Me too. Let's be friends and bond over lying about our names so that people don't misspell/mispronounce them when we order food. I've said that I refuse to play the same game twice, and that is still true, but I have to rely on my anyone-but-me if I want to succeed. I can't try ANYTHING strategic that people will be threatened by. I need to be very moderate, just empowering others to do what they want to do, and sticking in the background.

I've worked pretty hard to get on the season, so people are going to think of me as a threat, but my new goat personality might be enough that their fears will subside.

i'm feeling decent about my chances of getting on. most people have told me they felt like i was a lock, and lowkey i just got announced to be in another org so i didnt campaign like at all. so it could go either way.

The ballot is over and I feel like my chances going in is slim. Idk how many people voted for me and I feel like the most outcasted person since I don't know many of these people.... But let's see what will happen.

#ihopeiseeyounever #confessionals

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survivorinternational · 5 years ago

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The Rites of Passage

On Day 36, Allan, Clash, Liana and Patrick went through the Rites of Passage...

Allan: You were the first one voted out of our tribe purely for the reason that you were quiet. You were good in the challenge and I really think you could have made it far given other circumstances.

Clash: We were on the same tribe but we never got to talk that much although I did feel bad when you were voted out.

Liana: I’m sorry you were first boot. If it was anything like it was on our tribe, I hope you just had some personal stuff going on and was too busy to play anyway.

Patrick: I didn’t know you but cool name

Allan: We weren't on a tribe together so I never really got to know you but I'm sure you were cool

Clash: Sorry idk you but I am sure you are iconic xo

Liana: It sucks that you had to leave so early! I was looking forward to playing with you. Although if you had stayed I probably would’ve left a lot earlier than I did.

Patrick: SO nice and sweet, the first victim of our awful losing streak:’(

Allan: We weren't on a tribe together so I never really got to know you but I'm sure you were cool

Clash: Idk you either but you were robbed

Liana: I never knew you, but I was surprised when you left over Pat or Randy.

Patrick: all Dan’s are awesome

Allan: We weren't on a tribe together so I never really got to know you but I'm sure you were cool

Clash: Tbh I am glad you got out pre merge once again because we don’t really get along in games and tbh I just think you would have went after me in merge.

Liana: These really shouldn’t be required when it was not OneWorld and we never had a chance to talk. Another victim of a unanimous vote, yikes.

Patrick: I love supernatural

Allan: You were a super cool guy and if the tribe swap had come later I'm sure we could've ended up working together. Ultimately though, it was a case of playing too hard too fast.

Clash: LOL Veni legend mate. I legit loved talking to you the first 2 weeks of the game and trusted you a lot but I feel like you got yourself into the trouble when you were switching names and creating multiple f3 chats. It has been fun getting to know you regardless and love our snapchat streak on going xo

Liana: You were the only person I heard about after you left because I heard it was messy. It probably would’ve been fun to play together because I’m a little messy too.

Patrick: So nice and I loved talking to you, but you were TOO good. Much respect for you

Allan: Once again you were a casualty of a tribe swap but ultimately your vote-out created an alliance of 5 that lasted into merge.

Clash: After you played your idol I immediately knew that you had to leave because you looked like a threat to me and I had a solid 4 with Allan, Pat and Randy and Stephen talked more to me than you.

Liana: I like your name. Oof it’s awful being voted out right before merge, unlucky 13th.

Patrick: I loved being on a tribe with you and getting to talk to you

Allan: You were good competition to go against for the battle-back competition and I have you to thank for getting me back into the game

Clash: We never used to get along in coded games but I am glad we sorted out our differences this game and I loved working with you until it lasted although I still feel like you would have targeted me at merge at some point.

Liana: I really enjoyed talking with you, but ultimately you had to leave because I gave away my secret to being a comp beast (lol). No but really I was worried about an alliance I was not in so that is what ultimately decided me voting you out. With your voteout is when I began to lose trust in Tyler. I was told to be secretive with your vote out and that you were close with Tyler. Tyler also said he voted you but I never fully believed him.

Patrick: I’m a ginger so I like you

Allan: Ultimately, you went against me and tried to force my hand and I ended up orchestrating a blindside against you. Before that however, you were a super cool guy to play with and I would definitely love to play with you again

Clash: Bro I loved seeing you get cast as you are one of my closest friend on Tumblr. Your was the saddest eviction in the entire game and the only time I was blindsided and as soon as you got out I punched a wall and promised myself that I will be avenging you no matter what! And here I am. Also you are one of my favs on orgs and were my ride or die xoxo.

Liana: I never thought we would play successfully together and we had so much fun! Without you I never would have made it as far as I did and I appreciate what you did so much. Being first merge boot, your voteout set the tone for the rest of the game so at least your vote out was very important and finally NOT UNANIMOUS.

Patrick: King of my life, I love your sass

Allan: You were a sacrifice that was ultimately made so that Clash and I could position ourselves better in this game. I felt so bad about voting you out because you seemed like a sweet person.

Clash: We didn’t really talk until the day you were getting voted out but all the interactions we had were nice and you were sooo sweet to me so I appreciate that and hope we can be friends outside the game!

Liana: I was shook when I learned about the secret ties you had with Vilma. I really wanted to keep our numbers with the American tribe, but after you flipped on Randy, oof. I felt really played by you and Vilma since y’all did not tell me of your connection on our old tribe. You’re a really great player and made me trust you so much. You know I always appreciated your transparency and your help with telling me what was happening in the rounds where I worked a bunch.

Patrick: the nicest person here tbh, I love your energy and that music video was AMAZING WE SHOULDNT HAVE LOST

Allan: During your elimination, I was on exile so really I had no clue what was going on. All I did know was that you'd brought my name up a number of times and ultimately you going was best for my game.

Clash: I feel like we could have worked together if you weren’t going behind my back and ratting everything to Vilma but regardless I think you were a nice person and a big threat who needed to go.

Liana: I feel like we would’ve gotten closer if it wasn’t for stupid timezones! I think our tribe really suffered by not going to tribal much before merge and so we never really got to build trust between each other. You were very nice when we did talk and maybe we can Rabbit a musical some time.

Patrick: we didn’t talk much, but my brothers name is mike so you’re cool in my books

Allan: Tyler's fake idol play is what got you voted out of this game and I feel bad for that because I think you could've went farther.

Clash: Okay this was one of the toughest votes for me as I adored you as a person and obviously still do but I only did this because you were making me sound like you were gonna turn on our f5 and be the swing vote at 7 but I did not wanted that so early and I knew when you were trying to make me vote for liana you actually wanted her out so it just made you look shady that round.

Liana: Yikes Stephen! Do you have an idol in your pocket? We were running so smoothly in our nice alliance but then you tried to save Tyler. You are such a great player to have a blindside. I’m sorry I called you Steven all the time. I think timezones made our relationship suffer as well.

Patrick: I loved getting to play with you, pre and post merge. I enjoyed the time getting to know you

Allan: I really liked you and I appreciated the fact that you campaigned right until the end. Ultimately though it wasn't enough but I do think you got stuck with shitty circumstances.

Clash: LOL you were fun to talk to and honest about some stuff but you lied about the Emily’s vote and it was kinda obvious so that made me not trust you and the stuff I told you on call was leaked as well. You were also a big immunity threat who needed to go but despite that I have had some good convos with you and we love u 2 Nitendo fans in one game.

Liana: I connected with you the most out of the international players. You and I have the most similar games. You are very nice, and then you scared me with your comp skills. Your name always came up during rounds and you had to fight really hard almost the entire game. We bonded through our inactive social games but always seemed to be on opposite sides of the vote.

Patrick: comp beast, I respect the hell out of you and your game play.

Allan: You were targeted so often in this game and yet still made f6 and for that I really have to commend you. IMO you were the strongest opposition I had this game so to be able to take you out was honestly an honour.

Clash: When you were in the cast I was so happy to see you and even when you merged I was glad but at merge it sorta showed your priorities that you preferred some people over me. I lied to you at f6 about vote to steal because I did not wanted you to use any advantage to get me out but at one point I was actually considering keeping you but it would have been a tie and I trusted Liana a lot more to vote with me at f5 anyways good game mister!

Liana: I guess you always saw right through me! I’m the kind of player who acts first, strategizes later, and I tried salvaging our relationship when I lied to you on our original tribe. You would not have any of it! Again it’s unfortunate we could not talk more because of timezones, but it was great watching your gameplay. Your duo with Stephen was interesting to watch, and you always had a trick up your sleeve.

Patrick: getting to talk to you at the end was really nice, I wish we talked more earlier on in the game

Allan: You were definitely the standout in this cast and I don't think anyone would disagree. I had so much fun talking to you and I really enjoyed our time together on the Fataasi tribe. In an ideal world we would've been in an alliance together and made it to f4 but that wasn't to be!

Clash: oh Vilma oh Vilma. I thought you had an idol until the last second lmaooo but tbh you played the best game this season except me -_- but you are sooo nice outside the game and I feel like we could have worked better in the game if it were not that first vote. Despite all this I couldn’t submit my vote for you because I was feeling super bad so I didn’t vote you but I knew you were going :(

Liana: Okay, I love you. I know I’ve been bringing your name up the whole game but out of everyone, you are the best socially and strategically. You always frustrated me because of how good of a player you were because you would never lie to me, but you did not play with me either. During a round where you didn’t vote with me, I’d get mad thinking that you lied to me, but I’d look back at our conversation and you never said anything one way or the other. I am absolutely shocked you did not have an idol, because I thought it needed to be flushed way earlier, but no one ever wanted to write your name down until the end.

Patrick: Vilmaaaaa we had ups and downs, but ending on an up was cool you were one of my favorite people to talk to in this game. And bitch you SLAYED me with your Netta

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