#anyways all that 2 say its been on my periphery but i want to be so immersed in it rn

[lemongogo]

i havent had a srs trigun moment in 10000 yrs i feel like im withering away

[velvetchrry]

━━━━ PRETTY LITTLE BIRDS (2)

pairing: simon “ghost” riley x reader

2k. you play darts.

You can feel a warmth in your cheeks as you follow closely behind Simon. He parts the crowd easily, and you notice multiple pairs of eyes on you as you walk by. You do a small smile and wave to the table of your coworkers, most of them looking at you bug eyed. The girl who approached him earlier has her jaw on the floor. Hopefully she doesn’t take it personally.

He stops when he approaches the table he was sitting at earlier. “This is Johnny, Gaz and Price.” You smile at them and give a soft hello. Simon tells them your first name, and you assume he knew it from your badge the other day.

“Aye, Doc!” Johnny exclaims. His energy is contagious and you can’t help but return his smile.

“Nice to see you again, how’s the knee holding up?”

“Ach, fine. No issue,” he swats his hand, as if to swat your concern away.

“I’m not actually a doctor, y’know,” you add softly.

He shrugs his shoulders and Simon pulls out a chair for you to sit on, thanking him as you do. He silently walks the short distance to the dartboards and starts talking to a group of guys standing there.

“So, LT invite ye to our dart game?” Johnny asks, pulling your attention from Simon’s broad back.

“Oh, I don’t mean to impose on you guys…”

“Nonsense,” Johnny cuts you off, again waving his hand in the air. “Cap’s leavin’ anyway, so we could use a fourth.”

Simon walks back over to the table and places his hand on the back of your chair. You almost shiver as his fingers make contact with your back, knuckles brushing the fabric of your shirt. “Board’s ours.”

Johnny gets up and claps his hands together. “Let’s do this. Gaz, on me. Doc with Simon.”

Simon offers a hand to you and you use it to help yourself stand up. Price stands up, downs the rest of his whiskey and bids everyone a goodnight. The four of you do the same. “Don’t have too much fun you lot,” he calls out behind him as he walks toward the door.

The ghost of Simon’s fingers trail on your lower back as the group makes its way to the dartboards. The guys Simon talked to earlier clear out when they see your companions and Simon nods at them in return. Johnny pulls the darts out of the board as a waitress stops by to grab your drink order.

“Round a Jamo shots,” Gaz says to the waitress. Johnny laughs as he walks back to the table — darts in hand — noticing that you pulled a face. “Not a fan, bonnie?”

“Erm, not entirely… what about a compromise? Picklebacks?!” you suggest.

“Dinnae know what that is,” he admits. Gaz shakes his head. Simon stays behind you, silent. Observing.

“Shot of Jameson, followed by a chaser of pickle juice.”

Now it’s Johnny’s turn to pull a face. “Alright lass, if that's what ya want.” He nods to the waitress and she makes her way back to the bar. Johnny and Gaz argue over which game to play while you and Simon settle up to the high top. It’s chairless, like the rest of the high tops at the bar. Simon’s broad leg brushes against yours.

“So, how long you been working on base for?”

“Not long,” you admit. “A few months now.”

“Mmm. What convinced ya to join up?”

“My grandpa actually. He was medic and I would beg him to tell me his stories growing up… when I finished P.A. school, this job kind of fell into my lap and well… I took it as a sign.”

Johnny dumped the red set of darts in front of you and Simon when he walked back to the table. Gaz was firmly clutching the blue set in his hands. Right on cue, the waitress brings by four shots of Jameson and another four shot glasses full of pickle juice on a serving tray and places each in front of everyone. You bite your lower lip and try to look at Simon from your periphery. Is he gonna take off the mask?

“Cheers,” Gaz holds up his Jameson shot and Johnny follows. You join in, Jameson in one hand and pickle juice in the other. Simon lifts his large hand, the shot of Jameson engulfed in it, and you all clink glasses. Simon's hand brushes up against you, and you feel a spark run through your fingertips down to your toes. You visibly shiver from the minimal contact. What am I? A nun?!

You tap the bottom of your Jameson shot on the table before taking both the Jameson and then the pickle juice back in one breath hold. Johnny hoots in approval before him and Gaz take both shots right after. “Good call bonnie, kills the burn right off.”

When Simon lifts the bottom of his mask up from his chin and takes both shots, you swear you really must be a nun with how little of his face showing suddenly soaks your panties through. You see the strong outline of his jaw, and a very old, muted scar that runs slanted down his chin. A smattering of blonde 5 o’clock shadow is the last thing you notice before he pulls his mask back down. You quickly look away before someone can notice you drooling.

“Gaz, you’re up,” Johnny announces.

You have a tell when you’re about to shoot. You do this little side to side sway with you hips that Simon can’t help but watch. The soft noises you make after each throw that have him wondering if he can provoke those same sounds from you in bed.

He noticed you studying him with the mask pulled up from under his chin, your shiver as he brushed his hand against yours. Touch starved little bird.

He imagines what he could make you do with the promise of seeing all of him. Wonders if you would let him mark you as his, teeth meeting soft pillowy flesh.

He isn’t sure why you haven't asked about the mask yet. He’s never met a woman interested in him who hasn’t. He’s sure you’re curious — and it’s clear you were trying to get a peek of him earlier from the corner of your eye — but here you are, respecting that it’s just a part of him. That alone serves to make him a little hard.

Simon holds his breath when you stand too close to him. Your perfume threatens to send him over the edge, a soft floral and citrusy scent that has his muscles tightening.

You’re shit at darts. Absolutely horrible — although you do get a few lucky shots in every once in a while. He wants to teach you — the rough pads of his fingers caressing your silky smooth center while he breathes in your ear how to shoot. He wants you dripping down his fingers as you aim the dart, wiggling your hips just slightly before you throw it, him slipping two fingers inside of you and…

“It's your turn, Simon!” you exclaim, slight buzz coloring your cheeks as you hand the darts to him.

Fuck. He’s got a massive hard on right now. No way he can come out from behind the table.

“You take my turn for me, dove.”

“Wha.. really?! But… you’re the only reason we have a shot at winning.”

It’s true, Simon hasn’t missed a single shot all night. Not that Gaz and Soap aren't sharpshooters, but their talent has an inverse relationship with the amount of booze they consume, and right now the two of them combined are about neck and neck with the two of you.

“Absolutely. You got this.”

His praise warms your cheeks even further. He’s happy you haven’t drank much, unlike Gaz and Johnny. You’re still aware, cognizant. He doesn’t want to lose you to a drunken stupor, even though he’d be happy to hold your hair and then punish you for it in the morning with a few good spanks.

After a few lucky shots from you, he hears Gaz and Johnny moan something about hustling the two of them. Johnny pats you on the shoulder as you pass him and head straight for the table with Simon.

“Good work little dove.”

You beam, but blow it off by shrugging your shoulders before bumping one against his arm. “I have a good partner.”

Johnny and Gaz come up to the table. “Who’s up for ‘nother round? Ay, what were those shots we took earlier Doc?” Gaz asks.

Simon watches you closely as you put your small hands up and wave them around in front of your face. “Oh… no more shots for me, thank you.”

Gaz and Johnny both groan but Simon cuts them a look that has them backing off. “We’re gonna grab a quick one at the bar then, be right back,” Johnny says, practically pulling Gaz with him.

“Alright?” Simon asks you once they've left.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. This is… fun. I haven’t had much lately.”

Simon’s fingertips trace the wood grain of the table. “Why not?”

You shrug. “Self inflicted, really. Once I moved here, I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t exactly force myself to go out. Plus, I went on one really terrible date the first week I was here. After that, I figured I would just take the time to get my bearings first.”

Simon chuckles a little. “How terrible?”

You sigh slightly. “Well… to be honest… he was dreadfully boring and self absorbed. Some guy who works in… finance?” You waved one of your hands around. “He only talked about himself and how good he was at his job, then when we were about to leave he asked if he could ‘pencil me in’,” you make air quotations with your fingers “for a lunch date back on base. I lied and told him lunches are too hard for me to get away and have been avoiding him ever since.”

“Wait, he works on base? A suit?”

You shrug your shoulders, not knowing his terminology. “Lucky for me, we must not work near each other, otherwise he’d see I take most of my lunches outside under the trees by the track.”

You couldn’t know this, but Simon makes a mental checklist in his head to not only see if he can figure out who this suit is, but to scope the trees near the running track on Monday. He can’t have his little bird in harm’s way. He can only imagine which soldier’s eyes you’ve caught while sitting and enjoying your lunch. That track gets a fair amount of use considering there are more people stationed on base than there is room in the gym, and spring has just rolled around.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Simon mutters under his breath. You whip your head in his direction in time to see Johnny trying to stand on the bar, shirtless, and to the dismay of the bartenders. Gaz is cheering him on. Simon spins off the table and walks to the bar with swift intent. He barks something you can't hear at Johnny, who’s color drains from his face and gets down from the bartop. Simon flicks him on the nose and you can hear Johnny yelp. Gaz looks terrified in the corner. He drags both of them by the ear back to the high top.

“Should get these two idiots home. Let me give you a ride to your flat.”

You shake your head. “That’s okay, thank you though.”

Now it’s Simon’s turn to shake his head. “Look, your friends are gone. Let me give you a ride home so I know you make it safe.”

“Please hen, maybe he’ll take it easy on us if ye ride wit!” Johnny pleads and his brow scrunches more after he speaks, Simon pinching down harder on his ear.

Simon hears your hearty laugh before you turn around and notice that indeed your coworkers have all left for the evening. “Almost bar close, anway,” Simon adds.

You bite that damn lip again and look around for a second before speaking. “Well if you’re sure…”

[theshapeshifter100]

Thought about Candela chapter 2, and what's mentioned in the Quick start guide (this got a bit longer than I intended, and spoilers, obviously

Well, one, Spencer killed off two named EONS NPCs, which, bold move, but definitely makes it clear that what was canon to his game doesn't have to be canon to your game.

On that note, the 4th Pharos.

Under 'Key Assets' for the organisation Candela Obscura in the QSG, the 4th Pharos is described as such

'A vault located within the Flare that houses phenomena to keep them from corrupting the world with bleed.'

Which is true to what Spencer showed us. Spencer showed a dark fucking take on it, but it's not inaccurate.

I will now share what the QSG has to say about Greyslate Sanatorium.

'The asylum located in the Sidle. It's often used to hide away civilians and agents who were subjected to too much bleed. The OUP frequently uses the slang 'going grey' in reference to this facility and the effects of bleed.'

If you don't know (because this didn't really come up in chapter 2) the OUP stands for 'Office of Unexplained Phenomena', and they're a government group, attached to the police force (the Periphery) that mostly covers up bleed incidents.

If we look at what Spencer showed us with the 4th Pharos, and what's written about Greyslate, the two organisations seem to have the same idea of dealing with people exposed to too much bleed. Lock 'em up and throw away the key, forget about them, they're too far gone.

I'm now going to bring up the third faction in all of this, EONS.

Now, EONS does have its own version of the 4th Pharos; the Devil's Well.

'Located under the Glass Sea, this was an attempt by EONS to create a vault styled after the 4th Pharos.'

Now, whether the Devil's Well also holds a prison of the damned is up to the GM. However, EONS is the only group that seems to be trying to find a way to help people infected with too much bleed, with Adjuvant.

"An experimental antidote for bleed, or rather, an attempt to stop the 'negative human reaction to the natural phenomena of bleed'"

They are the only group of the three factions here to have this kind of resource. While EONS is generally not good, I just find it interesting that they're the ones actually trying to reverse the effects of bleed in people. Not OUP, who are probably too bound by bureaucracy and a corrupt system to try. And not Candela, which has been around since before Oldfaire fell, and is probably the foremost authority of bleed and its effects, but they aren't doing anything either.

My two thoughts on that are; Candela knows something EONS doesn't. Or, Candela tried, failed, and is arrogant enough to think that because they tried and failed, there is no way of doing it.

Anyway, this whole thing is likely very intentional on the part of the game designers and world builders. It's not interesting to have one shiny, good organisation you work for, and the rival being entirely evil.

Though of course, in the end, it's all up to how you want to play it. If you don't want the 4th Pharos to be a prison for the damned, fine. In your game, it doesn't have to be. In the same way Avery Choi and Violet Boucher can be alive in your games. It's all part of the fun.

It's just this comparison just wouldn't leave me alone!

[maliciousmalfeasance]

i don't get to walk very much lately

not because im short on time, or lovely places to go- but because my body has been playing a nasty trick on me- or maybe my body is the trick- it all feels like one big, terrible drawn out joke that stopped being funny before it even left the lips of whoever's been telling it over and over for the last 2 years.

Worse yet- I keep falling for it. (ha ha, get it? Because I fall over...) I keep entertaining the idea that it's better now! I'm seeing slight improvements so who knows maybe soon I can pack the shower chair away and never look at it again and I can walk down to the lake and sit there like I did- a week- years ago- eons away from now. It's silly. I see my partner witnessing it, each time. The wind up, the expectation and maybe- even the actual merciful plateau for a while. Enough energy to garden and clean and get a start on the mountain of "when im doing better" tasks that keeps growing and looming in my periphery. And then- I hit the wall again. My body knocks me out and drags me aching and cursing back to bed. I've no idea how long I'll be back at square one.

I haven't been able to go for walks often- is what I'm saying. Which is what has made the few times I have been able to go for walks, so magical. I've been really into moss! Strange fixation to have when there are many more pressing and beautiful things to snatch my attention but I find I keep my eyes down a lot as a general habit (better keep an eye on these feet- you never know where they're going) and I find an inordinate amount of comfort in little tufts of green tucked into the darkest, dankest crevices of suburbia and bush land.

Same goes for lichen, fungi, and just life in general. I've been keeping fish and plants and- maintaining little islands of life is excellent enrichment in my enclosure, I gotta say. I love the reminder that life persists even when I feel so cut off and vulnerable and sick. I love my snails and shrimp and fish. I get disproportionately sad when I can't manage to work on my gardening and fish-keeping projects. Watching shows and movies is still a fun thing to do with others but when I'm by myself it's really lost its lustre. I can't help but associate watching tv with being exhausted and barely functioning at this point because when I'm too tired and unwell to think coherently, I watch something to try and keep myself occupied and awake.

Anyways all this to say- I want to document my walks some more, and my outings in general. With film wherever possible, because this way I can surround myself with images of outside and hope when I'm in this rut again next. Because something tells me this rut is going to remain a frequent stop in my life- might as well make it a nice little rut to get stuck in. My body is forcing a lot of rest on me at the moment. That is what it is. Better not to turn the rest into torture by sucking all the joy out.

I hope your life has opportunities for rest, too. And life! I recommend keeping plants-if you need plant advice I'm no expert but I can try my best. If you can't keep plants alive consider yourself a plant and keep yourself well watered and make sure you get some sun on your leaves and soil on your soles (souls? you heathens.) occasionally.

[hopalongfairywren]

Also, when I said “some cc and their fans would be upset,” I was literally talking about them being upset if S2 never came. What else would it fucking do? Turn back time and prevent you from consuming a media that has already happened. They’ve already been triggered, so trigger warnings were made. The fan communities have already crumbled, so they dispersed.

Nobody expects them to cancel season 2 outright, they just aren't going to tune in at the same rate. That doesn't stop them from making the fucking videos, they can make whatever they want. But most people won't give it a view.

You seem to misunderstand, people knew the dsmp contained triggering content, we all know that. People didn't know that it would be handled so grossly. By this point people were already moving on from the dsmp anyways but the finale quite frankly pushed more people out who now feel too uncomfortable to continue on, who wouldn't hand they handled this with like, a drop of respect.

Boycotting S2 isn’t going to end a narrative because that narrative has already ended. It’s not continuing, and the content creators involved have no intention of playing a story with intense themes again.I could understand boycotting triggering content from doing reruns on TV, but that’s not how this works. Nowadays, the signs and warning labels are already slapped everywhere from the moment anyone even approaches the Dream SMP.

Yeah, people were planning to boycott it before we even knew how the finale would pan out. I don't care if the new season is as g-rated family friendly whatever. Most people here do not want to support it.

Seriously, you act as if cc!Dream was the only fucking person to ever matter in the grand scheme of things when it’s public knowledge that cc!TommyInnit wrote his ending. If you want to blame anyone, then blame cc!TommyInnit for writing an ending that people hated. He was happy with his ending, but it wasn’t his intention to portray content that would hurt people. You try telling the internet that cc!Tommy or cc!Punz or cc!Tubbo/Jack/Callahan/literally anyone who has planned a stream alongside cc!Dream is a terrible person whose only goal was streaming lore for damage control as if they didn’t genuinely love the story they were telling.

Who says I don't blame those other people? Yes, Tommy wrote his own ending. Dream was included in that. Dream owns the Dream SMP. Dream is in hot water to put it mildly for other shit.

I don’t give a shit about cc!Dream. I don’t watch his streams, so I’m only aware of the very few times he’s streamed on the SMP because the internet always screams when he does. I’ve only watched like two manhunt videos. He barely even exists in my periphery because I don’t want him any closer.

How is this relevant to the conversation?

(By the way, yes, a successful boycott WOULD in fact ban me from enjoying Eggpire Lore because then it wouldn’t fucking exist)

Like you said, the narrative is over. Unless you're talking about some sort of hypothetical time travel bullshit, you've got your egg lore.

I love the egg arc lore too. The Dsmp has and will continue to be a great source of comfort to me, through its wonderful community and fanwork. But some things are more important than potential lore, and if recent complaints from multiple ccs show anything, I doubt this new season is going to go far for long.

Man, it gets real tiring seeing all the entitled posts that crop up every time a stream happens. You’d think that if they didn’t like the DreamSMP anymore, people wouldn’t keep flooding its tags with their negative opinions. I’m not talking about valid criticism either, I’m talking about the people who keep saying ‘DSMP shouldn’t have a season 2′, ‘[CC] shouldn’t be in season 2′, ‘[CC] isn’t gonna be in season 2, so it’s going to suck’. Seriously, the entitlement in this fandom is painful sometimes. Just because you’re falling off the bandwagon doesn’t mean the train has to stop completely. The DreamSMP isn’t just for YOU. I hate to break it to you, but there are still a lot of people who like watching the content, and frankly get sick of seeing people talk down something that hasn’t even come out yet. This isn’t the Simpsons or Family Guy, these guys aren’t doing this just to milk the content. Frankly, they don’t have to. Pretty much all of them were successful with their own content before and during the DSMP, and will be afterwards. That’s why several creators are perfectly comfortable stepping away from Season 2. They don’t NEED the DSMP, it was just fun to be a part of for awhile, but now they want to move on. That’s the part a lot of you seem to not understand. The DreamSMP is for FUN. It started out as, and has continued to be, a Minecraft server where a bunch of friends played a Video Game together and Roleplayed. I’m sure the majority of you have done that with your own friends, you just didn’t stream it to an audience. Some of them still enjoy doing so, so they’re continuing it. Some of them want to move on to other things. Watching the CCs talk about the SMP, it’s clear they had a great time doing it and are pretty proud of what they accomplished with their stories. They had fun. They hung out with their friends. That’s what the DSMP was for, and still is for. Take a minute to look back at the first clips of the SMP. Just Dream and George messing around in the new Minecraft update. That’s literally all the DSMP was. A bunch of friends, messing around in Minecraft and deciding to start roleplaying and building a world while doing so. Some of them want to continue doing that, but with a fresh start. New world, new minds, new opportunities to have fun with their friends in an all new setting. This is for them, not you, so stop acting like you have a say in what they enjoy doing. It’s clear that those who are participating in the new season just really enjoy playing around with their friends, like most people do. The only difference is that they share it with those of us who want to enjoy it with them. If you don’t, then go find something else to do instead of trying to come up with reasons why they should stop playing games with their friends, because that’s just stupid. Maybe you should go play some games with YOUR friends instead of shaming them for doing it. Might make you happier than hate posting about something you claim not to care about anymore. Everyone can have an opinion, but there’s a point where it turns into entitlement and frankly it’s just sad. In the words of a dying meme; Go touch some grass.

[to-star-lake]

in the early days when you joined bonten as their new advisor, you spent a lot of time with koko; drawing up business plans, managing the books, overseeing construction on new clubs and buildings.

koko had the nicest office of all of the bonten leaders. it was on the top floor of a highrise in the middle of the shibuya business district. complete with high-end leather and mahogany furniture, and a gorgeous city view.

you'd spent time with each of the bonten executives when you joined and koko was probably your favorite to work with. you found takeomi too serious, kakucho boorish, mochi too macho, the haitani's were exhausting, and sanzu..well..

koko was like you; blunt and efficient with work, a little impatient, maybe a little condescending. you enjoyed your daily work with him in his office. it was always quiet, productive, and his assistants always served the best sencha.

except today.

today when you walked in through the mahogany double doors that led to his office, you were almost decked in the face by a toy rubber basketball.

"he shoots! he scores? no! he misses!" you heard a voice yell, followed by a maniacal cackling.

what...the hell is this? the floor of koko's office, which was normally clean, surgically clean, was littered with teddy bears, squeak toys, board games with their pieces strewn about haphazardly, a jump rope, a putting green, and a trash bin overflowing with crumpled candy wrappers.

the rubber basketball that almost hit your head rolled towards the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves on one end of the room and you saw a kiddie basketball hoop attached to one of the shelves. and below that, sanzu, flopped on his stomach on the floor, a different flavored ring pop on each of his fingers.

"koko..i'm really bad at basketball," he grumbled, picking himself up and walked over to koko's desk, slamming his hands down on the surface, the sudden gust of wind almost blowing the stack of papers in front of koko away.

"oh no, well, why don't you go try the putt putt?" koko sighed, not even looking up from his work, waving his hand in the air like he was shooing away a fly. "ah, y/n! finally, someone sane. please, get over here, i need you to look at something," koko waved you over when he noticed you standing in the doorway.

you made your way across the minefield of toys on the floor and greeted sanzu as he walked past you. "good morning," you smiled cordially.

he sauntered past you, looking down at you through bloodshot, half-shut eyes, his usual sinister smile plastered wide across his face. he'd opened his mouth to say, "good morning, little prin-" but then stepped on a pile of toy soldiers and tripped, tumbling to the floor, his long limbs getting all tangled up in themselves.

"uh... hey, koko?" you took a seat in the armchair beside the desk, setting your laptop down on the tabletop. "what's going on here? where's mikey?"

koko let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes. "sometimes mikey goes off on his own, and when he does, the rest of us have to take turns...babysitting," he nodded at the gangly man with bubblegum colored hair with a plastic toy putter in his hands. "i pulled the short straw today," he sighed, pushing the large binder of documents he was looking at over to you.

"koko!!"

"jesus, what now?" koko looked up, so annoyed you could almost see the steam coming out his ears.

"there's no balls," sanzu pointed at the putting green on the floor.

"well, who decided to ambush people by pelting them with the balls outside the bathroom last time?"

sanzu stared back at koko blankly.

"ugh, nevermind. could you play with something else? y/n and i have work to do." koko scooted his seat closer to you, and began circling a few line items on the page in front of you. "got this today from the guys over at the club in akasaka. these totals look off to you?"

you glanced over the document, and flipped back a few pages and reviewed the itemized lists also included in the binder. "damn," you said, looking up at koko. "these assholes are skimming."

koko opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a sudden loud popping noise. both of you turned to see sanzu on the floor, pulling the heads off of a pile of barbie and ken dolls.

koko raised his hands to his temples, the frown lines between his eyebrows deepening by the second. "jesus christ, this psychotic clown, if he wasn't the number 2 I swear to god-” he muttered under his breath.

"hey, sanzu?" you called out and sanzu's head jerked up to look at you, his eyes suddenly bright and attentive, like a child amongst the sea of toys on the floor.

"yes, princess?" he called back.

"could you go on a coffee run for us?"

sanzu tilted his head a little, confused. "a coffee...run?"

"yeah...you know, to buy coffee?"

he blinked, still confused.

"to buy...starbucks?"

"ah! you want me to buy you starbucks," he suddenly shot up.

"yes! yes, please, for me and koko, that would be great," you smiled, thinking you were finally getting somewhere with him.

he walked over to the desk. "anything for you, princess. and you can call me haru," he hummed, taking a bright pink ring pop off his finger and sliding it onto your ring finger, and a blue one onto koko's ring finger. "be back in a flash."

he turned to walk out of the office, whistling and not bothering to avoid the toys scattered on the floor, simply stepping on them as he went.

the doors closed behind him and you turned to koko, "now we can get some work done."

"let's hope he takes his time," koko rolled his eyes, sliding the ring pop off his finger, holding onto only the plastic part as gingerly as possible, a disgusted look on his face because he could tell sanzu had definitely licked the candy already.

"is it always like this when mikey's away?"

"sanzu? yeah, pretty much. but mikey tolerates him cus he's been with him longer than any of us, he's his loyal mad dog," koko sighed. "but that bastard's insane. apparently back in the day he got moved back and forth between all of mikey's captains cus nobody could handle him."

"wow. yeah, i guess i can see that," you glanced over at all the toys scattered on the floor. "seems pretty tough for you too."

"oh, i've actually done the best with him," koko scoffed. "last time, he was the haitani brothers' responsibility, they decided to take him to a hostess club. thought it'd be a good distraction for him. crazy maniac decided to pay for all the women there."

"all of them? that's..that's a lot-"

"no, that's not the crazy part. he paid for all the women, and then made them line up against the wall with liquor bottles on top of their heads and he used them for target practice." koko ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "anyway, who knows when he's gonna be back so we should try to get as much done as possible while he's away."

you nodded. the two of you worked dilligently, reviewing the rest of the books collected from bonten's other clubs and businesses in town, making one stack for ones that pass, and one that required additional scrutiny.

after a while, you stretched your arms up over your head, noticing the sun hung high in the sky and glanced at the clock on the wall. it read 12:15.

"i wonder where he is," you said, realizing it'd been almost two and a half hours since he left.

"who knows what that lunatic gets up to," koko sighed, turning the page of the binder he was leafing through.

"i actually could've used some coffee though," you yawned.

"i can have my girls make some sencha-"

just then the doors to his office burst open, and sanzu staggered in, eyes blood red, a blue gift bag in one hand, the other dragging a giant 10-foot teddy bear behind him.

"and suddenly my headache's back," koko muttered and sanzu approached the two of you at the desk.

sanzu dragged the huge teddy bear over and plopped it beside you. "i got this for you, princess."

"hah..um...where'd you get this..giant thing?" you didn't even know where to begin.

"there's a carnival downtown. i got it playing a shooting game," he grinned from ear to ear. koko groaned, knowing sanzu, by 'shooting game' he probably meant he threatened to shoot the person manning the booth if he didn't give him the bear.

"hah..i see, thank you. but why is it missing its eyes?" you asked, looking at the bear's face and noticing the eyeballs had been ripped out, only some tattered threads remained in the sockets.

"they were ugly," sanzu shrugged. "koko, i got you something too," he dropped the gift bag down in front of koko.

"thanks.." koko reached into the bag and pulled out a tiny cross-stitched sweater which could've only been made for an infant. "uh...dude, what is this?"

"it's a sweater for your chihuahua," sanzu explained, yawning and plopping down onto a chair by the desk.

"i don't have a chihuahua?"

"i could've sworn you did," sanzu tilted his head, as though in deep thought. "oh, i guess it's just you that's always yapping. it's amazing y/n puts up with this every day," he laughed, but his tone was filled with hostility.

you saw koko's body tense in your periphery and you quickly spoke up to diffuse the sudden tension. "haru, did you get coffee?"

"coffee? oh! the starbucks. yes, i did."

you stared back at him. "that's great, uh...so where is it?"

"on the corner of harajuku square, by yoyogi station," he smiled.

"what?"

"oh my god," koko groaned, raising his palms to his eyes and rubbing them in circles.

you looked back and forth between koko and sanzu.

koko took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, turning to look at you. "he bought the starbucks."

[mnzknight96]

Part 2

Marinette didn’t know how to react at Plagg’s words. There is absolutely no way that her partner could desire the power of destruction. She refused to believe that.

Marinette: If that was some kind of joke Plagg, I can promise you that it isn’t funny. There is no way Chat has bad intentions….

Before she could continue to berate Plagg, Tikki placed the tip of her arm to Marinette’s lips.

Tikki: Marinette, please wait. Plagg said that Chat Noir was the exception.

The girl blushes as Tikki is right, she had jumped the gun but to be fair it was in the defense of her partner.

Tikki: Forgive her Plagg and please, do explain what you mean by Chat Noir being the exception.

Plagg: Ok sugar cube. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,

Plagg glares at Marinette who smiled sheepishly at the embodiment of destruction.

Plagg: Chat Noir is the exception to the traditional reaction of my essence.

Before he continued Plagg became a bit nervous and it could have been Marinette’s imagination but she is almost positive that Plagg was blushing. The literal god of destruction is blushing in her bedroom. Not for the first time Marinette questioned how this became her life. He suddenly turned to the both of them and Marinette noticed out of her periphery that Tikki was smirking at her other half. Tikki was about to tease him when he interjected her.

Plagg: Don’t you even dare Tikki. You know we don’t typically share these experiences, even with each other. What I am about to share with you is very personal and I will not tolerate teasing of any kind. Got it!!

Creation quickly turned serious but anybody who looked at her could clearly see the mischief hidden behind those dazzling blues. It made Plagg groan but he continued on.

Plagg: As our first transformation was taking place, my essence and that of my wearer were transported as usual but what was different this time around is that I didn’t see him right away.

Tikki: That can’t be right!

Plagg: That was my reaction as well since when it happens we are exposed to each other. Our very selves laid bare to determine the future of our bond.

The more Marinette heard about this the more intrigued she became. She sort of wished she could remember what h ad happened when she first transformed. As if sensing her thoughts Tikki lowered herself onto Marinette’s shoulder and nuzzled her cheek. Tikki gave Marinette a bright smile and her anxieties were quickly put out.

Plagg: With no holder in sight, I walked around in the hopes of finding him. My first impression of him was rather good and it would be disappointing if we couldn’t work together.

Tikki: Aww you cared about him from the start.

Plagg: Shut it, Tikki!!! Anyway…..

Flashback

Destruction was rather annoyed at this point. Never in the history of their existence has a wearer not appeared in front of him or his fellow kwami. Just another thing he was an outlier about that the guardian would surely blame Plagg for. If he was honest with himself, he was tired of peoples fears blaming him for things outside his control. So much so that at times he found himself wanting to give into their fears and wipe them all out but then Creation wouldn’t speak to him for a while. Things tended to get boring when she ignored him.

He soon heard what appeared to be someone crying. Figuring it was worth checking out Plagg followed the sounds to its source. It was easy to find for Plagg quickly found himself staring at one of the brightest souls he could ever remember seeing. The way this wearers essence shined gave the sun a run for its money.

Plagg: Hello!

The boy who was curled up into a ball quickly stood up and wiped it’s supposed tears from his face. He turned around giving Plagg a forced smile.

Chat Noir: Hello, sir.

Plagg’s mood quickly soured at the obvious forced smile.

Plagg: Wipe that smile off your face, in here everything we share is pure sincerity.

Destruction had spooked the child with his outburst and while it was obvious he wanted to cry, he held it in.

Chat Noir: I’m sorry

His voice held utter sadness.

Plagg: Why are you crying?

He sniffles as he wrings the edge of what should be his shirt but is really his very self.

Chat Noir: It’s just that I’m not allowed to show feelings, Father says it is unpe… it’s unde… unbecoming.

Plagg laughs at his mispronunciation and that seems to be the wrong thing to do.

Chat Noir: I’m sorry I’ll do bette I swear, just please don’t leave me. It’s scary being alone.

Shock reverberates throughout Plagg and he has a sudden urge to hurt those who would cause this kid to feel alone. Before he can do that though he knows he has to comfort the little guy. He kneels to be more approachable.

Plagg: I’m sorry to say this kid, but you’re stuck with me and the only way to get rid of me is by dying or you giving me up. Do you plan on dying or giving me up?

A hopeful smile peeks out from the storm of feelings the kid is experiencing and he looks straight into Plagg’s eyes.

Chat Noir: No, you’re stuck with me too. But only if you want to. I don’t want you to be a prisoner like me.

A sun like rage burned within Plagg but he quickly puts a lid on it since he didn’t want to scare the kid after getting him to calm down.

Plagg: Of course I want to be with you, you see with the both of us together we’ll be an incredible team and be a superhero.

Chat Noir: Are you sure I’m the right fit though? Father tends to say I’m not very good at anything.

Plagg: Do you mind if I cover your eyes with my hand real quick?

The boy is confused at the sudden request but nods nonetheless. As soon as his eyes are covered Plagg’s form turns monstrous with his hand being the only thing that stays the same. He makes no noise but the silent screams of rage that come from deep within himself is the stuff of nightmares. With that out of his system he transforms back, he’s about to withdraw his hand when he sees the smile on the kids face. Gently Plagg asks,

Plagg: What’s that smile for?

Chat Noir: Your hand is very warm and it feels peaceful.

Plagg has never in his life been associated with being warm or peaceful. This kid was going to hurt him in ways he hasn’t felt before but he knew that he would never leave him. Instead of answering Plagg started to pat him on the head and showing him affection. The boy giggled and laughed in happiness at the attention he was being given. At one point he even started to purr when Plagg was scratching his chin.

Plagg: You will be among the best of my holders, never forget that Adr….

Bubbles left Plagg’s mouth and the kid just laughed.

Destruction started to feel the familiar pull of the transformation coming to an end. It was always weird how time worked in this space.

Plagg: Well little guy looks like it’s time to head back. Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?

The kid nods enthusiastically but he turns pensive.

Plagg: What’s wrong?

Chat Noir: Nothing, it’s just, would it be okay if I hugged you?

Destruction turns worried since he didn’t get any impression that the kid would desire his power but his next realization almost made him want to punch himself. In front of him was a boy so starved for both emotional and physical affection that even the very essence of destruction wouldn’t deter him.

Chat Noir: I’m sorry, if you don’t want to that’s oka….

Plagg embraces the small child and Chat is quick to return the hug. It would be one of his fondest memories, rivaling the moment he met Creation.

And then they were pulled back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a quick note, you guys may have noticed that I changed it from Plagg telling them about what happened to a flashback. The reason for this is that in my mind Marinette and Tikki kept interrupting Plagg which got annoying real quick.

Check out Part 1 here.

[openheartthot]

Be Mine

Pairing: Open Heart [Ethan x f!MC (Camille Prescott)]

Word Count: 1,764

Rating: T

Warinings: Brief mentions of sex/sexual content 

Category: Fluff :)

Summary: Ethan and Camille make it official on Valentine’s Day.

***

I know it’s been like 2 months since I last posted a fic but I’ve been feeling a tiny bit more positive about OH3, plus it’s Valentine’s Day and these two idiots are in love. Don’t mind me making Ethan the insecure one as payback for what PB does to us haha

Ethan has been so buried in work that, lately, all the days seem to blend into one another. He can’t remember the last time he took a day off-- he’s been living, eating, and breathing Edenbrook.

And then there’s Camille.  

On the rare occasion that he manages to tear himself away from the hospital… he’s been living, breathing, and eating her, too. 

Ethan tugs slightly at his collar, a sudden flush working up his neck at the reminder of her soft blonde hair and even softer curves. 

The airy sound of her laugh has his head instinctually jerking up and in the direction of the residents’ lounge. 

As Ethan turns on his heel to follow the familiar noise, he can’t help but take note of the pink decorations adorning the walls and hanging from the ceilings. No matter how lost he’s been in his work lately, the universe just won’t let him forget about Valentine’s Day. 

It’s a stupid holiday, really. He’s always thought so. The boxed chocolates are a sad, chalky, affair, and the brightly colored gifts are gimmicky at best. The whole thing is little more than a capitalist cash-grab, and there is nothing Ethan hates more than capitalism. 

He forces himself not to roll his eyes as he spots two nurses exchanging cards in his periphery. 

It’s not that he dislikes love, but he does dislike the showmanship and theatricality that seem to surround February 14th. 

It’s just another day to him. In his thirty-seven years, he hasn’t once deigned to involve himself in such a tacky display of affection, and he sure isn’t going to start now. 

Except…

As he opens the door to the residents’ lounge, Camille is elbow deep in a pile of pink tissue paper. The excitement in her wide smile is nothing short of arresting, and of course, he should’ve known that she’d live for something like this. 

“Aww, look at it!” Camille squeals, her eyes shining as she lifts a stuffed bear from the mountain of gift wrapping. Her eyes dart over to Ethan, noticing him in the doorway, and her smile grows. She wiggles one of its fuzzy arms in an imitation of a wave. “It’s so cute, isn’t it?” 

“It’s something,” Ethan says tactfully, crossing the room to slip an arm around her waist. He catches a whiff of her light floral perfume, and can’t resist leaning down to peck her on the cheek. “Did Sienna buy that for you?” 

He may not be a fan of Valentine’s Day, but neither does he wish to offend Sienna Trinh, especially not after the basket of homemade scones she delivered to his office that morning. 

“Nope, one of Camille’s patients has a crush on her.” Lahela teases from the couch, where he is sorting through a thick stack of cards from his own extensive list of admirers. 

A strange itch works its way up the back of Ethan’s spine at Bryce’s words, and his arm tenses instinctively around Camille’s waist. 

Just because he loathes Valentine’s Day does not mean that he wants another man buying her tacky trinkets and writing sappy notes. 

Camille doesn’t seem to notice his displeasure, her lips pitching into a smile as she holds up the card to show him. 

“Medically speaking, you make my pulse race. Isn’t that adorable?” She laughs, and Ethan narrows his eyes at the obnoxiously pink card. The card that someone else gave to Camille. 

Her green eyes dart over the surface of the card once more, and Ethan feels something tight and uncomfortable building in his chest. 

“I think that’s the most brainless thing I’ve ever heard.” Ethan says sharply. “Which patient sent this?” He needs to know, so he can reassign them to another resident. 

“Relax, Ethan, it’s Jake from the pediatric ward.” Camille says with a breezy laugh. “He’s twelve.” 

“Oh,” Ethan shifts his weight, embarrassed. The sound of his pager is a welcome reprieve, and he glances at it gratefully. “Are you coming over tonight? I can meet you in the atrium.” 

It’s become almost routine for them, on the rare occasion they both have a night off. After the stress of the past few weeks, Ethan can’t wait to get her alone. Even if it’s only to watch a movie and drink that horrible cheap wine she likes, he just wants to spend time with her. Even the thought of a proper Valentine’s Day date, oddly, holds a new appeal when he considers Camille across the table, her smile lighting up the room...

“I think we’re gonna do a Galentine’s Day thing tonight.” Camille says with an apologetic shrug.

“Galentine’s Day?” Ethan asks, unable to keep the disgruntled edge out of his voice. It seems a new term is invented every time he turns his back. It’s deeply perturbing. 

“Yeah!” Sienna chimes in. “Me, Camille, Aurora, and Jackie, since we all managed to get the night off and none of us have significant others-- except Camille, I mean, you and her…” Sienna trails off, looking unsure. 

“It’s okay, he hates Valentine’s Day, anyway.” Camille interjects quickly. “And we’re not official or anything like that.” 

The look she shoots him is equal parts hopeful and nervous, as if she’s waiting for Ethan to correct her. He wants to, God, how he wants to correct her. To say that they are very much a official and serious relationship.

Instead, he freezes on the spot. 

“My pager…” he says pathetically, before turning and abruptly striding out of the room. 

***

All day, Ethan is a black storm cloud drifting sullenly through the rose-colored halls of Edenbrook. 

It’s clear to the rest of the staff that something is wrong, but no one is quite sure what. He hasn’t been in such a bad mood in months, not since he started seeing Camille. The rumor mill churns out a steady stream of speculation, doing nothing to improve Ethan’s mood. 

Finally, Naveen corners him in front of a bulletin board covered in construction paper hearts.

“Do you think I’m enough for her?” Ethan asks, staring pointedly at the board rather than making eye contact with his former mentor. 

“I’m not sure I follow.” Naveen says mildly. 

“She’s so...vibrant. Loving.” Ethan reaches out and touches one of the paper hearts. Camille organized the project, helping every pediatric patient decorate a heart and hanging them up with painstaking care. “I’m the opposite.” 

“Are you?” Naveen asks, “I’ve seen you with her, and you seem happy. You two are good together.” 

“She doesn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day with me,” Ethan admits, feeling foolish even as the words leave his mouth. “Because she thinks I hate it, which I do, of course…” 

“But you wouldn’t hate it with her?” Naveen prompts.

Ethan nods with a rueful smile. He shouldn’t be surprised, the man was considered the best diagnostician in the country for a reason. 

“It’s okay to seek happiness, Ethan. You can let go of the cynicism if you want to.” With that, Naveen turns to leave, but not before pressing a small cardboard box into Ethan’s hand with a wink. 

***

Camille lingers as Baz finishes gathering the last of his papers and shuffles out the door of the diagnostics office. 

Ethan doesn’t look up as he fumbles with the tiny cardboard box in his lap, but he can feel her warmth hovering in front of his desk. He thinks he would know the feel of her even if he was blind, deaf, and dumb. 

Finally, finally, Ethan manages to tear open the little cardboard flap and maneuver his fingers into the narrow opening.

“I’d like to speak with you--” he begins. 

“--Can we talk?” Camille says at the exact same time. 

“I’d like to go first.” Ethan says, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. For my behavior this morning. I have never liked Valentine’s Day, that’s true, but I do like you.” 

He pauses, and glances up at Camille’s face to gauge her reaction. Her expression is soft, and the fond look in her green eyes makes Ethan’s heart stutter in his chest. 

Emboldened, he reaches into the box and sets a piece of candy on the desk with a decisive nod. 

Camille leans over, a curtain of blonde hair falling over her shoulder as she tries to get a better look at the candy heart. 

“Sweet talk?” Her laugh is bright and clear. “Ethan you actually have to try and sweet talk me, this is a cop out!” 

Ethan can feel a hot blush pricking at his cheeks and he shakes his head. 

“No, dammit, that’s the wrong one.” He stands and pours a few more hearts into his hand, ignoring the dusty residue that is surely being shaken all over his desk. It takes a few moments of searching until he finally finds the correct saying on a yellow heart.

“Here,” he says, brusquely handing her the candy.

“Be mine.” She looks back up at him with glittering eyes, her teeth sinking into the soft pink of her lower lip. 

“I know we haven’t defined our relationship yet, but I want to be with you. Officially.” He clears his throat when Camille doesn’t immediately respond. “I understand if you need some time to--”

“Shut up,” Camille breathes, stepping forward until she can loop her arms around his neck. Her command is unnecessary, considering how Ethan has already been rendered speechless by her proximity.

He can feel her smile against his mouth as she meets his lips with her own. He groans as her fingers anchor in the hair at the base of his neck, tugging softly. 

The kiss deepens as Camille’s lips part beneath his, and Ethan’s hands work underneath her blouse, sliding against the bare skin of her back. 

“Is that a yes?” Ethan asks, his voice gravelly as she plants a trail of kisses along his jaw. 

He is thirty-seven years old, and for the first time he has reduced himself to a lovesick adolescent. It’s strange how willing he is to embarrass himself in front of her, how willing he is to do anything for her. 

“Of course it’s a yes! I’ve been waiting forever for you to commit to me.” Camille says with a radiant smile. Ethan cups her face gently.  

“So, what now? I have a standing reservation at a restaurant downtown. I’d like to take you out on a real date.” 

“That sounds nice,” Camille says, toying with one of the scattered candy hearts. “But first, I found this…” 

Cheekily, she holds out the blue candy. 

Kiss me. 

***

Tagging separately!

[woman-loving]

I’ve been reading some articles about lesbian identities in Indonesia, from the late 80s to the 00s, and wanted to share some quotes that highlighted a couple trends that I’ve also noticed in reading about butch/femme communities in other countries.

1) There are different expectations about sexual distinctiveness and marriage to men are attached to butch and femme identities. There is a greater expectation that femmes will marry men, and femmes more often do marry men, though some butches do as well. Marriages to men seem to be for convenience or in name only, and women may continue to have female lovers.

2) Distinctions are made between real/pure/positive lesbians (butches) and other lesbians (femmes) who are “potentially normal.” This shows the flexibility of lesbian identity, where they can be gradations and contradictions in what it means to be a lesbian (e.g. a woman being a lesbian but not a “real lesbian"). The category has cores and peripheries, rather than everyone being equally lesbian or else completely outside of it.

3) There are disagreements between members, which cross butch/femme lines, about the meanings of these identities and whose lesbianism or community involvement should be taken seriously. The first passage describes femmes as engaging in a “more active appropriation of lesbianism as a core element of their subjectivity.” The boundaries of lesbianism can potentially expand or contract as people struggle to define it.

4) People don’t always meet the community expectations attached to their identity.

I think these passages help complicate the picture of what lesbian identities can look like, and some of these same tensions and debates are common features of lesbian identity in many different cultures. I also think these issues--the (differential) weight given to relationships with men, the notion of positive versus negative lesbians, and the active appropriation of lesbianism by peripheral members--are relevant to bisexual interest, since these questions also shape bi women’s engagement in lesbianism/lesbian communities. (And we can say that without claiming that any particular women in these narratives are “really bisexual.”)

Anyway, without further ado... (this first one picks up right in the middle of a passage because I couldn’t get the previous page on the google preview :T)

From “Desiring Bodies or Defiant Cultures: Butch-Femme Lesbians in Jakarta and Lima,” by Saskia E. Wieringa, in Female Desires: Same-Sex Relations and Transgender Practices Across Cultures, eds. Evelyn Blackwood and Saskia E. Wieringa, 1999:

“[...]negative lesbians. We are positive lesbians. We are pure, 100% lesbian. With them you can never know. Before you know it, they are seeing a man again, and we are given the good-bye.”

Father Abraham, who had entered during her last words, took over. “Let me explain. … Take Koes. Again and again her girlfriends leave her. Soon she’ll be old and lonely. Who will help her then? For these girls it is just an adventure, while for butches like Koes it is their whole life.”“Yes, well, Abraham, … my experience is limited, of course, but it seems to me that the femmes flee the same problems that make life so hard for the butches. So they’d rather support each other.”

“In any case,” Sigit added, ‘they have become active now, that’s why they’re here, isn’t that so?” And she looked questioningly at the three dolls behind the typing machine, Roekmi and my neighbour. The most brazen femme had been nodding in a mocking manner while Sigit and I were talking.

“So we’re only supposed to be wives? We’re not suited for something serious, are we? Maybe we should set up a wives’ organization, Dharma Wanita,[23] the Dharma Wanita PERLESIN? Just like all those other organizations of the wives of civil servants and lawyers?” …

“Come on, Ari,” Sigit insisted, “why don’t you just ask them? You could at least ask them whether they want to join?” Ari found it extremely hard. Helplessly she looked at the other butches.

“Do you really mean that i should ask whether our wives would like to join / our / organization?” One of the butches nodded.

“Ok, fine.” She directed herself to the dolls.

“Well, what do you want? Do you want to join us? But in that case you shouldn’t just say yes, then you should also be involved with your whole heart.”

“You never asked that of the others,” the brazen femme pointed out, “but yes, I will definitely dedicate myself to the organization.” Roekmi and the two femmes at her side also nodded. (Wieringa 1987:89-91)

The above example is indicative of the social marginalization of the b/f community. it also captures in it one of its moments of transformation. The defiance of the femmes of the code that prescribes the division of butches and femmes into “positive” and “negative” lesbians respectively indicates a more active appropriation of lesbianism as a core element of their subjectivity. At the same time it illustrates the hegemony of the dominant heterosexual culture with its gendered principles of organization.

Yet, however much the butches conformed to male gender behavior they didn’t define themselves as male; their relation to their bodies was rather ambiguous. at times they defined themselves as a third sex, which is nonfemale[…]. [...] [Butches’] call for organization was not linked to a feminist protest against rigid gender norms. Rather they felt that nature had played a trick on them and they they had to devise ways to confront the dangers to which this situation gave rise. Jakarta’s b/f lesbians when I met them in the early eighties were not in the least interested in feminism. In fact, the butches among them were more concerned with the case of a friend of them who was undergoing a sex change operation. They clearly considered it an option, but none of them decided to follow this example. When I asked them why, all of them mentioned the health risks involved and the costs. None of them stated that they rather preferred their own bodies. Their bodies, although the source of sexual pleasure and as such the object of constant attention, didn’t make it any too easy for them to get the satisfaction they sought or, at least, to attract the partners they desired.

From "Let Them Take Ecstasy: Class and Jakarta Lesbians," by Alison J. Murray, in Female Desires: Same-Sex Relations and Transgender Practices Across Cultures, eds. Evelyn Blackwood and Saskia E. Wieringa, 1999:

Covert lesbian activities are thus an adaptation to the ideological context, where the distinction between hidden and exposed sexual behavior allows for fluidity in sexual relations (“everyone could be said to be bisexual” according to Oetomo 1995) as long as the primary presentation is heterosexual/monogamous. It is not lesbian activity that has been imported from the West, but the word lesbi used to label the Western concept of individual identity based on a fixed sexuality. I have not found that Indonesian women like to use the label to describe themselves, since it is connected to unpleasant stereotypes and the pathological view of deviance derived from Freudian psychology (cf Foucault 1978).

The concept of butch-femme also has a different meaning in Indonesia from the current Western use which implies a subversion of norms and playful use of roles and styles (cf Nestle 1992). In Indonesia (and other parts of Southeast Asia, such as the Philippines, Thailand’s tom-and-dee: Chetame 1995) the roles are quite strictly, or restrictively, defined and are related to popular, pseudo-psychological explanations of the “real” lesbian. In the simple terms of popular magazines, the butch (sentul) is more than 50% lesbian, or incurably lesbi, while the femme (kantil) is less than 50% lesbian, or potentially normal. Blackwood’s (1994) description of her secretive relationship with a butch-identified woman in Sumatra brings up some cross-cultural differences and difficulties that they experienced and could not speak about publicly. The Sumatran woman adopted masculine signifies and would not be touched sexually herself; she wanted to be called “pa” by Blackwood, who she expected to behave as a “good wife.” Meanwhile, Blackwood’s own beliefs, as well as her higher status due to class and ethnicity, made it hard to take on the passive female role.

I want to emphasize here that behavior needs to be conceptually separated from identity, as both are contextually specific and constrained by opportunity. It is common for young women socialized into a rigid heterosexual regime, in Asia or the West, to experience their sexual feelings in terms of gender confusion: “If I am attracted to women, then I must be a man trapped in a woman’s body.” Women are not socialized to seek out a sexual partner (of any kind), or to be sexual at all, so an internal “feeling” may never be expressed unless there are role models or opportunities available. If the butch-femme stereotype, as presented in the Indonesian popular media, is the only image of lesbians available outside the metropolis (e.g., in Sumatra), then this may affect how women express their feelings. However, urban lower-class lesbians engage in a range of styles and practices: some use butch style consciously to earn peer respect, while others reject the butch as out-dated. The stereotype of all lower-class lesbians whether following butch-femme roles or conforming to one subcultural pattern is far from the case and reflects the media and elite’s lack of real knowledge about street life. […]

The imagery of sickness creates powerful stigmatization and internalized homophobia: women may refer to themselves as sakit (sick). An ex-lover of mine in Jakarta is quite happy to state a preference for women while at the same time expressing disgust at the word lesbi and at the sight of a butch dyke; however, I have generally found that the stigma around lesbian labels and symbols is not translated into discrimination against individuals based on their sexual activities. I have been surprised to discover how many women in Jakarta will either admit to having sex with women or to being interested in it, but again, this is only rarely accompanied by an open lesbian (or bisexual) identity. I have found it hard to avoid the word “lesbian” to refer to female-to-female sexual relations, but it should not be taken to imply a permanent self-identity. It is very important to try and understand the social contexts of behavior, in order to avoid drawing conclusions based on inappropriate Western notions of lesbian identity, community, or “queer” culture.

From “Beyond the ‘Closet’: The Voices of Lesbian Women in Yogyakarta,” by Tracy L Wright Webster, 2004:

Most importantly a supportive community group of lesbian, bisexual and transgender women is essential, given that these sexualities are thrust together in Sektor 15. Potentially, a group comprised of women from each of these categories, that is lesbian, bisexual or transgender, may prove problematic to say the least, given that the needs and issues of each group are different. Clearly the informal communities already in existence in Yogya are indicators of this. Any formal or organized groupings would certainly benefit by modeling on current, though informal organisations. In the lesbian network, transgendered women (those who wish to become men or who consider themselves male) are not affiliated, however many ‘femme’ identified women who have been and intend to be involved in heterosexual relationships in the future, are among the group in partnership with their ‘butch’ pacar (Indo: girlfriend/boyfiend/lover).

Organisations of women questioning sexuality have existed in Yogya in the past. A butch identified respondent said she was involved in the formation of a lesbian, bisexual and transgender network in collaboration with another Indonesian woman, who also identified as butch, 20 years her senior. The group was called Opo (Javanese:what) or Opo We (Jav:whatever), the name highlighting that any issue could be discussed or entered into within the group. Members were an amalgam of both of the women’s friends and acquaintances. The underlying philosophy of the group was that “regardless of a woman’s life experience, marriage, children…it is her basic human right to live as a lesbian if she has the sexual inclination”. The elder founding member of this group, now 46, married a man and had a child. She now lives with her husband (in name only), child and female partner in the same home. Although this arrangement according to the interviewee “is rare… because the husband is there, she is spared the questions from the neighbours”. Here I must add that it is common in Java for lesbians to marry to fulfill their social role as mothers, and then to separate from their husbands to live their lives in partnership with a woman. This trend however is more common among the ‘femme’ group.

From "(Re)articulations: gender and same-sex subjectivities in Yogyakarta, Indonesia," by Tracy Wright Webster, in Intersections: Gender and Sexuality in Asia and the Pacific, Issue 18, Oct 2008:

Lesbi subjectivities Since gender, for the most part, determines sexuality in Java, sexuality and gender cannot be analysed as discrete categories.[64] For all of the self-identified butchi participants, lesbi was the term used to describe their sexuality. This is contrary to the findings of two key researchers of female same-sex sexuality in Indonesia. Alison Murray's research in Jakarta in the 1980s suggests that females of same-sex attraction did not like the term 'lesbian'[65] due to its connection with 'unpleasant stereotypes' and deviant pathologies.[66] In 1995, Gayatri found that media representations depicting lesbi as males trapped in female bodies encouraged same-sex attracted women to seek new, contemporary descriptors.[67] The participants in this research, however, embraced the term lesbi as an all-encompassing descriptor of female same-sex attraction and as Boellstorff has noted in 2000, Indonesian lesbi tend to see themselves as part of a wider international lesbian network.[68]

The term lesbi has been used in Indonesia since the 1980s, although not commonly or consistently. Lines, les, lesbian, lesbo, lesbong and L, among others, are also used. Female same-sex/lesbi subjectivities in Yogya are not strongly associated with political motivations and the subversion of heteropatriarchy as they were among the Western lesbian feminists of the 1960s. By the time most of the participants in this research were born, the term lesbi had already become infused in Indonesian discourses of sexuality among the urban elite (though with negative connotations in most cases), and has since become commonly used both by females of same-sex attraction to describe themselves, and by others. Most learnt from peers at school and through reading Indonesian magazines.

However, public use of the term lesbi and expression of lesbi subjectivity has its risks. Murray's research on middle to upper class lesbians suggests that females identifying as lesbi have more to lose than lower class lesbi in terms of social position and the power invested in that class positioning. This is particularly in relation to their position in the family.[69] Conversely, her work also shows that lower class lesbi 'have the freedom to play without closing off their options.'[70] As Aji suggests, young females, particularly of the priyayi class may not be in a position to resist the social stigma attached to lesbianism and the possible consequences of rejection or abuse. Yusi faced this reality despite the fact that s/he had not declared herself lesbi. Hir gendered subjectivity meant that s/he did not conform to stereotypical feminine ideals and desires.

With so much at stake, many lesbi remain invisible. Heteronormative and feminine gendered expectations for females in part explain why lesbians may indeed be the 'least known population group in Indonesia.'[71] Collusion in invisibility can be seen here as a protective strategy. The lesbi community or keluarga (family) is what Murray refers to as a 'strategic community' of the lesbian subculture.[72] The strategic nature of the community lies in its sense of protection: the community provides a safe haven for disclosure. Invisibility, however, also arises through the factors I mentioned earlier: the normative feminine representations of femme, their tendency to express lesbi subjectivity only while in partnership with a butchi, and their tendency to marry. Invisibility, as a form of discretion, however, may also be chosen.

Gender complementary butchi/femme subjectivities [...] Due to the apparently fixed nature of butchi identities and subjectivities and their reluctance to sleep with males, they are seen as 'true lesbians,'[79] lesbian sejati, an image perpetuated through the media.[80] Similar to the butchi/femme communities in Jakarta, in Yogya, butchi are identified by their strict codes of dress and behaviour which include short hair, sometimes slicked back with gel, collared button up shirts and trousers bought in menswear stores, large-faced watches and bold rings. Butchi characteristically walk with a swagger and smoke in public places. In her research in the 1980s, Wieringa noticed that within lesbi communities in Jakarta the strict 'surveillance and socialisation 'may have contributed to the fixed nature of butchi identities.[81] In Yogya, this is particularly evident in the socialisation of younger lesbi by senior lesbi (a theme I explore elsewhere in my current research).

The participants held individual perspectives on butchness. Aji's butchness is premised on hir masculine gender subjectivity and desire for a partner of complementary gender. Yusi expresses hir butchness differently and relates it to dominance in the relationship and in sex play. The participants who told of the sexual roles within the relationship emphasised their active butchi roles during sex. As Wieringa suggests, this does not necessarily imply femme passivity as femme 'stress their erotic power over their butches.'[82] It does, however, indicate one way in which the butchi I interviewed articulate their sexual agency.

Femme subjectivities, on the other hand, are generally conceived of as transient. As many of the interviews illustrate, femme are expected by their butchi partners to marry and have children: butchi see them as bisexual. In public, and indeed if they marry, they are seen as heterosexual, though their heterosexual practice may not be exclusive. In the 1980s, Wieringa observed that femme 'dressed in an exaggerated fashion, in dresses with ribbons and frills...always wore make up and high heels.'[83] In the new millennium, the femme I met were also fashion savvy though not in an exaggerated sense. Generally they wore hip-hugging, breast-accentuating tight gear, had long hair and wore lipstick and low-heeled pumps. Their feminine representations were stereotypical: it was through association with butchi with in the lesbi community that femme subjectivities become visible.

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Protective Service

John Wick x Reader (A/n- More or less a filler chapter to for a hint of backstory and sexual tension. Welp)

Masterlist   Chapter 1   Chapter 2

Warnings- Brief mentions of murder and rape

Chapter 3 Tell Me Your Past.......

Their almost kiss had weighed heavy on John's mind well into the next week. It made him feel guilty, like even if his wife was gone, doing that with someone else would be cheating on her, and worse yet, with someone like Y/n, Helen's polar opposite? He couldn't do that. Helen was good and kind, she was like flowers in spring, but Y/n……...Y/n was like a blazing, untamed fire; chaotic and dangerous. Hot. But he tried not to think about that last part too much. 

In the moment, when they were leaning in and she'd seemed more vulnerable than he'd ever seen her, it felt like a good idea, he was finally willing to admit the spark she'd ignited when they first met. But when Donavan interrupted, sliding into the vehicle next to her, John had come back to his senses, reminding himself that she wasn't waters that he wanted to charter. 

Pushing away the less that professional thoughts about Y/n had only been made harder when John heard them that evening, confirming his suspicions. The echoed sounds were muffled, but his trained ears could hardly miss a thing and John was actually surprised that he hadn't pieced things earlier. Donavan was always so protective, he hovered over Y/n like a watch dog and always seemed to bend at her whim. At first, John had thought that he was, like some of her other workers, loyal to a fault and too scared to oppose her. But there was something in the way he'd put his hand on her back as they walked into a room, and in the way she always let Donavan have the slight bit of say, it was clear she held him in higher esteem than she did the others. 

Knowing that Y/n probably had someone else should have deterred John, Donavan didn't really like him anyway, but instead, it had fueled his feelings. He was jealous when she took Donavan's hand as they got out of the car or when he was the one helping her in and out of the coat. Of course, there was no way of telling what the true nature of their relationship was, they didn't appear as affectionate as more conventional couples, but he did know that whatever it was, they were definitely more than friends. After all, friends didn't leave your bedroom at three am with their shirts off and their pants unbuttoned. 

The jumble of thoughts had haunted John every night before he succumbed to sleep, and when he'd bumped into Donavan on his way out in the wee hours of Wednesday morning while he'd gone to get some water, things had only gotten worse for him. Usually, it was easy to focus on work and push aside everything else, but that morning, it was easier to think of anything but. 

They were running late too, long after John had gotten ready, waiting in the living room for Y/n to emerge, he'd gotten a call from Donavan, asking where they were and why they hadn't reached yet. After a brisk, stiff exchange, John had been the one to disconnect first, easing his cell into his inner breast pocket before sighing as he started down the hall. 

His steps were silent, as they usually were and as he drew near Y/n's room, his brows knitted as he realized that her door had been left a crack open. That was odd, she never left her door open. It shouldn't have been possible for someone to get in with him knowing; John knew the inner workings of that place like the back of his hand, upon his employment; he'd re-vetted her staff, linked the hall cameras to his phone and obviously, if something had happened, he would have heard. 

Still, everyone was flawed, maybe he'd made a mistake. Thinking the worst, John reached for his gun, holding it at his side as he neared her room, his ears searching for anything out of the ordinary, while his eyes scanned the surroundings. Even at the door, nothing seemed out of place. Though, when John peeked into the room, that was a different story.

She was fine, thankfully and when John's eyes fell on her, Y/n stood in front of the silver framed, full length mirror, the front of her chiffon shirt unbuttoned, her brown leather skirt, tight on her hips and short at it ended above her knees. She was barefoot too, her heels laid out at the foot of the bed, and if John's eyes weren't betraying him, he could have sworn that he saw glassy eyes and a few tears reflected. 

Y/n didn't seem to notice, her stare vacate and fixated on her own reflection. Part of him wanted to call out, but most of John’s mind had evaded better sense and he was, for all intents and purposes, leering. Hesitantly, he moistened his lips, his wandered gaze enthralled with her appearance; soft waves framing her face, plump lips agape and perhaps most notably, pert breasts accentuated by black silk and lace. It was wrong to linger like that, practically ogling, but John didn’t think he could help it, he was already entranced.

He stayed like that, half hidden by her barely opened door, though still visible through the sliver, showing no signs of moving. Eventually, Y/n caught on, and she raised her head, locking eyes with him through the mirror, almost daring him to keep staring, especially when she dragged her lower lip between her teeth seductively, carelessly letting her fingers graze the edge of her open blouse, her nails just barely ghosting over the swell of her cleavage and then her stomach, before she finally turned around, moving to close up the top of her shirt. 

By the time she was facing him, Y/n had already done the first two buttons and was quickly moving onto the third, any signs of tears now gone, save for the singular droplet that had remained on her cheek. Even that was quickly brushed away though, “Everything okay John?” She quipped as if she hadn’t caught him staring mere seconds ago.

Clearing his throat, John turned his gaze before facing Y/n again. If she was going to pretend that it hadn’t happened, he'd show her that he was better at that game. “Yeah,” he nodded coolly, just remembering he’d taken out his gun and putting it away, “Next time tell me when you’re running late,” he huffed, “And Donavan’s worried about you.”

“I-” Sighing when he abruptly started walking away, Y/n let her hands fall to her sides, not bothering with an explanation as John stalked down the hall and she yelled, “We’re leaving in fifteen minutes!”

The day had been long, and Y/n’s mind had been a weary mess for all of it. By the end, when the sun was just about to retire and the sky had just started taking on a burnt orange color, she’d decided to call it a day, harshly dismissing Donavan’s concerns and offers to accompany her as she left a few hours earlier than she usually did, though, requesting someone else’s company as she neared the waiting car. “Will you go somewhere with me?” Y/n probed as they settled in, hating how utterly vulnerable she’d sounded.

“I go where you go,” he offered stiffly, his gaze trained slightly off to the side, discreetly looking out the window, trying to work out where they were headed. They weren’t on the usual route, instead, they were headed in another direction, to the suburbs; specifically Oyster Bay. "Where are we headed?"

"I thought you go where I go?" Y/n shot back brashly, not looking his way, instead toying with the petal of a deep red rose from a bouquet she'd gotten. She hadn't mentioned who the flowers were from, nor had Y/n outlined why she'd been given them, though John supposed that it wasn't his business. 

With a heavy sigh, he rubbed one of his palms up his thigh, trying to quell his annoyance. Why couldn't she ever just answer a question directly? "You can't just go somewhere and not mention it beforehand. I'm your security, not your secretary."

"I know," she gritted, trying to loosen her hold on the beautiful bouquet so the flowers wouldn't be ruined. "It doesn't matter anyway, we're already here," the car had stopped in front of the gates of a cemetery, the only population being that of stone and marble headstones, some with flowers and keepsakes among them while others were painfully barren. "Are you coming or not?" Y/n got out, taking the flowers but leaving her handbag, not even waiting for John as she casually walked off. 

It didn't take long to catch up with her though, and soon enough, John was meeting her where she stood, near two matching grave markers, each constituting deep grey marble in a rounded arch, with gold engravings displaying who was buried beneath. He'd found her lingering in front of one, the clearly older one, while the other just was about a foot and a half away. She'd already placed the flowers in a little holder, tracing the arch of the cold stone before standing again. 

Meredith Cecilia Romanov  1969-1999 Mother and Wife Gone, but never forgotten.

"This is my mother," Y/n swallowed thickly, not really sure why she'd chosen to tell John, and definitely not wanting his sympathy. Tears were hard to fight, and just maintaining her disposition was a trying task, even as she continued, words coming without permission, "Today's her birthday, she would have been fifty."

Out of her periphery, Y/n could see John starting, not the way he had that morning, with the swirl of lust on his dark eyes. That time, it was exactly what she'd dreaded; pity, though, mixed with something else, something like…...understanding. "I'm sorry," he managed, almost raising his hand to reach out before remembering that it wasn't his place. 

"Its okay," she shrugged, sniffling softly, "It was a long time ago," blinking quickly, Y/n swiped under her eye dismissively, "I barely knew her, and I…..I've learned to accept it." In a way her father couldn't.

"Doesn't make it easier," it was a plight John knew all too well, the pain and suffering of losing someone prematurely, before you'd done with them everything you wanted to. There was so much he'd wanted with Helen; peace, a home, a family. And he knew part of Y/n felt some semblance of the same, like she'd been robbed of everything they could have shared. And she'd been so young too, probably no older than ten when she’d found out her mother was gone, forever. "How did it happen, if you don't mind me asking."

"Its……" She trailed off absently and Y/n's eyes went vacant and glassy, "It was….horrible." There couldn't have been another way to describe it, at least not at the top of her head. 

"That covers a lot of ground," John noted, hoping that she'd open up a bit more, so he could be a little closer to her. He knew it was wrong, she was his boss and far beyond his reach, especially with Donavan in the picture. But then again, Donavan wasn't the one standing in the cemetery with her.

Briefly, she glanced at him, before turning away to explain, "I was seven, and she…..as far as I know, went shopping …...it was around my dad's birthday, she went to get him a gift or something, I guess. They snatched her, at the mall. People looked for days, he looked for longer, hoping she'd be alive," despite her efforts of staying steady, her voice broke, "She wasn't, and on his birthday, he got this box…...and a note, ‘happy birthday, from your wife’. It was bad, he knew it was bad, but he still screamed when he opened it; it was her left hand, ring and all still there."

"Fuck," John breathed under his breath. He'd heard the rumors, the little whispers that had said that had spoken of how Meredith had passed, but most of them had seemed too fictitious to be true. He was quickly realizing that they were true, every single one of them, "I'm-"

"When they found her body, in a canal, near the Eastside River," Y/n continued, surprising him, "She was barely recognizable, and the autopsy said that she'd died from severe blood loss after everything they'd done. And that she'd been raped, more than once, by more than one man."

"Y/n," John gasped. He'd done terrible things, killed with his bare hands, but none of them could have ever been that horrific. What had happened to Y/n's mother, it was…..unspeakable, terrible, and there was probably not one person in the world that he could think of as deserving a faith like that. "Who did it?" If he could, he'd take revenge for her, not that it would matter. It wouldn't bring Y/n's mother back.

At his question, Y/n huffed a dry chuckle, memories of Saturday washing over her; the reason she'd been so angry. "The fucking Irish," she breathed, taking a moment before straightening her back, pocketing her hands in her grey coat, and turning to walk away.

*****

Tagging-@harrisongslimited @magnificentclodpiebanana @keandrews @greenmanalishi  @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves  @planetkt @wheretheriversrunintothesea  @jupiterdawngirl​

[remedialpotions]

An Artistic Rendering, part 2

I couldn’t stop myself. (But also, I had a lot of fun writing this so... here. Have it.)

Wednesday night art classes were typically followed by a casual dinner at a nearby restaurant. Usually, Hermione enjoyed this post-class debrief session with her mum, but that had been under normal circumstances, when they’d been working on drawings of flowers or cats or bowls of fruit. Tonight, Hermione was not totally sure how she would tolerate sitting across from her mother for an entire meal, nor if she would ever be able to look her in the eye again.

“So, what do you think you want to order?” asked Mum cheerfully, opening up her menu. “I’m rather hungry, aren’t you? Maybe we ought to order a starter - the bruschetta here is supposed to be excellent.”

“Sure,” Hermione said, staring blankly into her own menu. Words like ‘carbonara’ and ‘pomodoro’ and ‘rigatoni’ floated meaninglessly in front of her. “Whatever you want.”

“Ooh, let’s get some wine, too,” Mum added. Had Hermione possessed the wherewithal to look at her, she would have been goggling in disbelief. How on earth was she so cheerful after what had just transpired? How was she, too, not completely disturbed? “How about Chianti? I never know what’s supposed to ‘pair well’ with something else, I just always get what I like-”

“Great,” interjected Hermione, eyes fixed on a description for chicken marsala. “Sure. Whatever.”

Mum set down her menu; in her periphery, Hermione sensed her leaning curiously toward her. “What’s going on, dear? Are you all right?”

“‘What’s going on?’” Hermione repeated back, incredulous. “‘Am I all right?’”

“Well-” Mum blinked, taken aback. “I know there were a couple other drawings that the instructor liked better, but she still thought yours was rather good - and you’ve always been better at things like science and maths anyway-”

“It’s not that.”

Just as Mum opened her mouth to inquire further, a young woman in a crisp white blouse and black pants arrived at their table. “Good evening, ladies,” she greeted them. “My name is Nicola and I’ll be your server this evening. May I get you started with something to drink?”

Mum ordered the bottle of Chianti (Hermione privately thought they might need more than one by the time the night was over) and the bruschetta, and Nicola flounced away.

“Mum,” Hermione said, once she was sure that their server was out of earshot. “You drew a picture of Dad.”

“Well, of course I did.” Her voice was infuriatingly casual. “He was the obvious subject, wasn’t he?”

“So you don’t think that was awkward for me at all?”

“Yours was of Ron,” Mum pointed out, leaving Hermione to briefly wonder how she was possibly related to someone so level-headed. “I’m certainly not interested in seeing my future son-in-law like that.”

The discomfort of the evening was dulled, at least momentarily, by this implication that she would be marrying Ron. While they were not yet engaged - Hermione was in no rush, and perfectly happy to cohabitate - she was also quite certain that she would be spending her life with Ron, and it was nice to know that her mum was so certain of it too.

Though, perhaps that made the events of the evening even more bizarre.

“That’s different,” replied Hermione finally.

“How, exactly?”

“He’s not in his fifties, for one-”

“One day he will be,” said Mum, “and I’m sure when that day comes, you’ll find him just as attractive as you do now-”

“Oh my God,” groaned Hermione, squeezing her eyes shut against the barrage of unwelcome mental images that her mum had just conjured up for her.

“Well, really.” Hermione forced herself to open her eyes, only to see a knowing, almost smug sort of look on her mum’s face (perhaps they had more in common than she thought). “Am I meant to believe that this was the first and only time you’ve ever seen it?”

“Please stop-”

“And don’t think we don’t know what happened in Australia.”

Before Hermione could inquire further about this - Australia was a topic that almost never arose between her and her parents, for obvious reasons - Nicola returned with a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other. The instant the wine was poured, Hermione seized upon her glass and drank deeply from it.

“What were you saying about Australia?” Hermione asked, once she had stopped to catch her breath.

“Just that it was clear what had… transpired between the two of you.”

Hermione paused, considering this, hoping her face was not giving anything away. It was true that she and Ron had had sex for the first time in Australia, just days before locating her parents and restoring their memories. And she did not expect her mum to be under any illusions about the nature of her relationship with Ron; they lived together, and before that, she had been quite unabashed about spending the night at his. But it was one thing to know, and quite another to discuss it.

“You could tell?”

“A mother always knows,” said Mum blithely around her own, more reserved sip of wine. “And really, it was just a matter of time. I always knew that.”

“You did?”

“It was always clear to me, and to your dad, that you had a certain connection with him,” said Mum. She had grown thoughtful now, introspective. “Actually, I imagine it was clear to everyone but the pair of you at times.”

“You’re right about that.”

“It’s why we were always happy to let you spend summers with his family, or spend your Christmas at Hog - at school,” she finished lamely, eyes darting around the restaurant. “You had such trouble fitting in when you were younger, and we were so happy that you found someone who… who understands you, the way he does.”

Hermione nodded, thankful that Nicola had swept over to them with a plate of bruschetta, because she was at a rare loss for words. She always knew her parents had liked Ron, and they’d made no secret of their gratefulness that she had found friends at last in him and Harry. But she hadn’t known that they had seen the depth of their relationship, or understood its uniqueness. Most people questioned what she and Ron saw in each other… but her parents had always known.

“And he really must love you,” Mum went on, helping herself to a piece of toasted bread piled high with chopped tomato, fresh basil, and grated parmesan. “To have done what he did for you.”

Myriad events flashed through Hermione’s mind: Ron, at twelve, vomiting up slugs; at thirteen, telling off Professor Snape; at fourteen, begrudgingly pinning an SPEW badge to his robes; at eighteen, offering himself up for torture in exchange for her. Posing starkers for a figure drawing ranked rather low on his running list of self-sacrifices, and yet it was not lost on Hermione how lucky they were that this was now their biggest concern.

“You’re right,” replied Hermione, taking her own slice of bruschetta. “He really does.”

***

Ron was at the sink, scrubbing a sponge over a dinner plate, when Hermione walked through the door of their flat. “Hi,” Hermione greeted him brightly, approaching him in search of a quick kiss hello. “I’ve brought leftover spag bol if you want it.”

“You know I do.” Ron shut off the faucet and picked up a small towel to dry his hands, then bent to touch his lips to Hermione’s. “A departure from your usual, innit?”

“I didn’t want anything too fancy,” replied Hermione, handing the styrofoam box to Ron, who immediately opened it to peer inside. “I was a bit put off my appetite to be honest with you.”

“Uh oh.” Ron fished a fork out of a drawer. “Dare I ask how it went?”

“You were very well-received,” Hermione assured him, making him grin as he twisted strands of pasta around his fork. “But erm…”

“Yes?”

“My mum… she, er…”

“Oh, no.” Ron paused with his fork in mid-air. “She didn’t have… comments, did she?”

“She did, actually, but that’s not the problem. She…” Hermione waited while Ron chewed his mouthful of pasta. Unlike her, his appetite only increased during times of distress. “She drew my dad.”

To her surprise, Ron burst into raucous laughter. “Yeah, I expected that she would have done.”

“You could have warned me!”

“And you could have warned me that a group of twenty people were going to see my todger before you had me starkers in the sitting room,” Ron grinned, “but you didn’t, did you?”

Though she was outwardly scowling at him, Hermione had to work to keep a smile off her face. “Again, it’s not like I took photos-”

“Merlin’s pants, I bet that’ll be next-”

“And really, it’s quite different when it’s your own father - I didn’t look at it or anything,” Hermione was quick to state, “but even just knowing…”

She broke off with a shudder. Ron set down the container of pasta and folded her into his arms, where she laid her cheek automatically against his chest.

“That sounds traumatic,” said Ron, gently kissing the top of Hermione’s head.

“It really was.”

“Should we sign you up for therapy?”

“Yes, please.”

With another little chuckle, he kissed the top of her head again, and she settled in against him. Her mum had been right: she did have a connection with him that was unlike anything else. She had always known that they would end up exactly as they were now, even when they hadn’t been able to see it themselves.

“So you said your mum had some comments?” asked Ron after a few minutes’ easy silence. “I’m a little scared to ask.”

“Not about the picture,” Hermione said. “Mostly about how… how good you are for me.”

“Yeah?”

“She referred to you as her future son-in-law.”

Ron loosened his grip on Hermione just enough to look down at her with surprise. “Did she really?”

Hermione nodded again. “Does that… freak you out?”

It was not a question of whether he loved her, or was wholeheartedly committed to her; she knew without a shadow of a doubt how he felt. But with marriage came things like babies and home loans and joint vaults at Gringotts, and it was not unreasonable to think that at nineteen, he simply might not be ready for it.

But he just shook his head, and moved in to kiss her again - this one soft, warm, lingering. “Nope. Not at all.”

Happily, Hermione resumed hugging him.

“Maybe next time,” said Ron, his hand rubbing idly up and down her spine, “you lot could do something a little more… you could join a book club, maybe. Something like that.”

“That could be fun,” responded Hermione. “Only, my mum’s got a bit of a penchant for romance novels.”

“Oh. Perhaps not, then…”

[kbstories]

impression//expression

“It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone.”

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Post-Kamino Arc, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff and Recovery, The Boys Discovering Unbreakable Via Questionable Training Methods

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Content warning for nightmares and generally traumatic experiences (both only mentioned). Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

Three days into U.A.’s new dorms, Bakugou hasn’t crossed Kirishima’s path a single time.

Don’t fuss, Kirishima had reminded himself that first night, crimson eyes following Bakugou as he slinks off to the elevators. Hands in his pockets, duffle bag slung over one shoulder, his typical slouch executed to perfection – the same as always yet achingly out of place against the buzzing excitement of the dozen and a half heroes-to-be at his back.

Under his breath, Kirishima muttered, “Give him space”, as he heaved boxes of manga, multiple sets of weights and his punching bag into his room before dedicating all his attention to stuffing a suitcase worth of brightly patterned shirts into the standard issue closet U.A. provided them with. He worked for hours and hours, unpacking and reminiscing and decorating until the room was satisfyingly his and the gel in his hair drooped with how sweaty he got.

It’s fine, he thought, pinning the last poster to the wall he shares with Bakugou. It hadn’t quite sunken in yet that they’re neighbors, now. Bakugou is antisocial on the best of days. He’s fine.

The thought of the white headband he’d lost had been fleeting at most, a lamenting little sting as he wiped his brow and saw his roots were starting to show. It came back full force as he stepped out to join the others in the common room and found an identical one hooked on his knob, the tag still attached.

Right. Kirishima gave the door to his right a soft look, firmly shut as it was. The tag was snapped off with ease and the headband was back where it belonged.

It goes on like that for a while. With the administration accommodating their move and the new term weeks away, Kirishima invests his free time into catching up on his gaming hangouts with Kaminari and the re-watch of Fullmetal Alchemist he started with Sero before everything went haywire. He helps Mina sort through the abundance of gossip flooding in with everyone’s mundane habits and routines suddenly much more apparent, and talks to classmates he hasn’t had the time to get to know all that well over shared breakfasts and class-wide movie marathons.

It’s like he gained a whole new family overnight – a notion that’s healing in and of itself, the rift that disastrous training camp tore into them scarring shut with every moment spent together.

(Still, Kirishima misses his moms and Riot something fierce. Their goodbye had featured a total sum of zero dry eyes between them; Kirishima’s face had been a blotchy red mess for hours afterwards.)

And then there’s Bakugou.

The guy is like a ghost, those first days, his absence felt as much as the odd trace of his presence he leaves behind. A mug drying next to the sink in the mornings; the thrum of guitar riffs and double-base beats muffled to indistinctness by the thick concrete between them; carpet-dulled footsteps down the hallway, that stomp familiar even without an intended audience for its passive-aggressiveness.

Little bits and pieces of evidence Kirishima takes note of and memorizes just for the sake of it. For the moments that’s not enough, he texts.

Best Bakubro 💣💥

baku my man (sent 13:05)

got too many dorayaki by accident, u want some? (sent 13:05)

(from the store) (but still pretty yum) (sent 13:05)

nah (received 13:11)

ok no probs ❤️ (sent 13:11)

One time, he couldn’t come up with a valid enough excuse and spent minutes agonizing over the empty text box only to type a short u good bro? that was answered with an equally short fine a while later.

Kirishima is very, very glad Bakugou has dropped the habit of leaving him on read. This way, his frayed nerves only have to withstand the background stress of what if he’s downplaying it that seems moderate in comparison to–

Yup, not thinking about Kamino again. Moving on.

“Is he like… okay?”, Sero asks him eventually, YUI’s Again playing as they wait for the episode to start. He’s lying belly-down on his bed, his laptop positioned in a way Kirishima can see the screen from his chosen spot in the hammock. “Not gonna lie, it’s a bit freaky how quiet it’s been. When he’s around at all, which isn’t much.”

Not moving on, then.

Kirishima doesn't need any clarification who is meant. Sero isn’t the first (or the last, most likely) to approach him about this; for once, even Midoriya has been beaten to the punch by Todoroki. It doesn't matter who it is, though, the answer is always the same:

“I don’t know.”

A little hushed because it’s the truth and a confession at the same time. The mild surprise on Sero’s face makes Kirishima look down in search for words, his hands wringing the pocket of his threadbare hoodie just to have something to do. Half the intro flickers by in silence.

“Baku isn’t exactly a people person, y’know?” Kirishima scoffs at himself. What an understatement. “He likes to do stuff his way and fight his own battles, lone wolf style. So, it’s been a bit, uh, stressful for him. To have everyone – and I mean everyone, heroes, police, the media, you name it – be in his business and then have all of us around all the time, too.”

That’s pretty much what he can say without outright speculating or infringing upon the things Bakugou told him in confidence. No matter how much Kirishima appreciates Sero as his friend, his lips are sealed unless Bakugou decides otherwise.

About two minutes into the episode, Sero hits the space bar. The screen pauses on a frame of ambiguously European-looking buildings.

“Okay, sorry, it’s just. How is Bakugou the one with the biggest cryptid energy in 1-A right now? Even Tokoyami emerges from the shadows sometimes and being a cryptid is like, his whole deal.”

Wrapped in humor as it is, Sero’s concern brings a smile to Kirishima’s lips. It’s good to know he – and Todoroki, and Midoriya – care, even when Bakugou is being elusive and hard to reach on purpose. It’s what makes all the difference, sometimes.

“Dunno, he’s a pretty complex guy once you give him a chance. Plus, I’m pretty sure he spends 90% of his time either training or studying or thinking about training and studying so it’s not like he’s not doing stuff. It just doesn’t really involve any of us.”

A thumb on his chin, Sero muses: “Not a cryptid but a closet nerd, huh? That… makes a lot of sense actually. I always thought he’s some kinda genius but I guess even geniuses have to work hard to get good.”

“Dude, he’s such a nerd”, Kirishima agrees with an enthusiastic grin. “Like, I’m pretty sure he wakes up with the sun and gets right to it. Being around him is so motivating, I wanna shoot for the stars and achieve my dreams simply because he’s doing it, too.”

“Okay, I get it. Blasty’s the best.”

Kirishima nods so hard the hammock moves with it; Sero snickers and shakes his head. His smile dims, then, more pensive than before.

“Listen, man. I know it’s over and done with and like, getting bent out of shape over what ifs is pointless but – I wish I’d been there.” Sero traces the borders of his laptop, a repetitive and thoughtless motion. “To help him, I mean. Watching him fight for his life on TV was really freaking miserable, I was shaking the whole time. To think you guys were there as well and how much worse it could’ve gone… How bad things are, even now… I don’t know. It’s haunting, honestly.”

It’s entirely silent, for a while. Kirishima’s mouth is dry, his eyes starting to burn with how quiet Sero’s voice got towards the end there.

“I’ve, um. I’ve had nightmares about it, actually.” Admitting it feels right, despite the heaviness that doesn’t belong in a room smelling of fresh paint and new beginnings. “I don’t know how much I’m allowed to say here. It’s all a blur anyways, I was freaking out until we got there and once we had him we just ran. But… We were there, hiding behind this wall with Midoriya doing his mumbling thing to figure out what the fuck to do. All for One was there, too.”

Just the memory makes Kirishima want to hurl. Images flash before his eyes, there and gone and seared into his retinas all the same. He looks at Sero, at eyes gone wide with worry.

“That guy’s presence… It felt like dying. I don’t know how else to describe it, it was like standing on a cliff knowing you’re about to lose balance and go splat and it wasn’t going away. Katsuki talked to him directly, fought villains outnumbered six-to-one with him right there.”

Somewhere in their periphery the laptop’s screen flickers to darkness. Kirishima takes a deep breath, mentally counting down on the exhale.

“I’m worried, too. I’m trying not to fuss because it makes Bakugou uncomfy when I do but it’s hard. He’s answering my texts, at least. And he, uh, didn’t mention all the embarrassing shit I sent him while he was gone. So, that’s something, I guess.”

That makes Sero’s brow perk up from a somber frown to vague curiosity. “Embarrassing shit?”

“Really embarrassing shit.” Kirishima’s face flushes so hard his cheeks practically glow with heat. “Full on you-might-be-dead-and-I-don’t-know-how-to-cope-with-that embarrassing. I was a total mess, dude.”

Sero breathes a sympathetic sort of noise. “Oh, that.” He reaches over to pat his head. “Yeah, you kind of were. It’s okay, though, Kiri. I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to be a mess when your best friend– Well, y’know.”

“Mmh”, Kirishima makes, his hands framing his own face in a bid to cool it down a bit. “I swear if he ever brings it up I’ll perish on the spot. Goodbye sweet world, it was nice knowing ya.”

“Pressing F hard for you, man.” Sero nods along solemnly. “Don’t worry, I’ll let Riot know you loved him.”

“Thanks, bro!”

They share a grin, not as bright as it could be. Given the state of the world, it’s a damn miracle it’s there at all. Kirishima sighs a little and juts his chin at the laptop.

“C’mon. Let’s watch the Elrics do cool alchemy stuff and/or cry about how depressing their life is.”

Sero finger-guns at him, “You got it”, as a line of tape goes for the touch pad and the freeze frame comes unstuck. The rest of the night is lost to the comforting nostalgia of a story they both know by heart.

* 

Best Bakubro 💣💥

u ok? (sent 22:00)

yea (received 22:02)

oh!! ur awake (sent 22:02)

? (received 22:03)

hhhh isn’t it way past ur bedtime? (sent 22:03)

💦💦 (sent 22:03)

🖕 (received 22:11)

GASP (sent 22:11)

did you seriously just type out “gasp” (received 22:11)

uh yea??? this is an important moment (sent 22:12)

i’m so proud of u (sent 22:12)

fucking hell (received 22:12)

 go to sleep already (received 22:14)

aaa ok (sent 22:14)

night nitro!! (sent 22:14)

🔪 (received 22:17)

❤️ (sent 22:17) 

*

The alarm jolts Kirishima out of fitful sleep.

A hand searches the bedframe with clumsy pats, eyes squeezed in a bleary squint as the screen flashes to life in the dark. The notification reads Gym w/ B!!! besides a big, glowing 5:00.

Kirishima groans. It’s a critical hit to his still-recovering sleep deprivation, making his arms bend like limp noodles under his weight. He crashes back into bed and lets the void swallow him.

*

Knocking. Hard, incessant, escalating in volume and frequency until–

“Oi! Shark Teeth! Get up already!”

Kirishima is ripping the door open before he’s even aware he’s on his feet and awake enough to do so. A breathless “Bro!” fills the space the knocking occupied a moment before.

“About fucking time.”

In the shy light of a sun peeking over the horizon, the phantom of the 1-A dorm becomes solid and real in the shape of one grumpy-faced Bakugou Katsuki: a towel over his shoulder, a bottle of water hanging from two fingers by its handle, looking whole and rested and average amounts of ticked off and oh, Kirishima missed Bakugou.

Kirishima’s also staring. Which he realizes because Bakugou shuffles in place, gaze drifting to the side, a hand scratching his neck. “It’s Saturday”, he says a little awkwardly, offering nothing else to follow it up with.

Saturday. Gym day, which Kirishima’s phone remembered and Kirishima did, too, the night before when he’d wondered if that’s still a thing now that they moved together and Bakugou went into stealth mode and everything is constantly shifting under their feet.

Not everything. Most things, apparently not this one, this thing that’s been theirs since the start. Kirishima smiles, bright and relieved. He promises:

“Be right there. Two minutes!”

He runs because what if Bakugou changes his mind? What if he decides to go ahead without him, and Kirishima loses that glimpse only he gets, of Bakugou being in his element and relaxed and happy?

Then he’s back and Bakugou is still there, leaning against the wall and scrolling on his phone while he waits. A glance, lingering on the all-caps SWEATING print on his red tank top over neon aqua shorts – Kirishima flexes to show off his outfit properly. “Pretty rad, right?”

Bakugou blinks, slowly. The verbal jab Kirishima expects never comes. Instead, he gets a low, “You done or what?”

“Yeah, man! Let’s go.”

Maybe Bakugou missed him, too.

*

“Push it!”

Kirishima clenches his jaw, the serrated line of his teeth grinding to the point of pain. He pushes, skin pulling tight and muscles screaming as they bunch up and split apart in harsh ripples. His vision fractures into two, three distinct shards.

The blast engulfs him between one heartbeat and the next. Nitroglycerine-fueled flames lick over every inch of exposed skin, his arms and face and chest registering the heat before the pain, dull and frustratingly there.

It’s over in a flash. Bakugou wipes sweat off his chin with his arm, palms still smoldering. “And?”

“Still feelin’ it”, Kirishima rasps out. His quirk drops, leaves his body softer and aching; breathing is a bit of a challenge, inhales and exhales coming quick and hard. Arms crossed over his head, he lets out a groan, his voice dipping into a growl.

“I can go further! I know I can. It’s right there but I can’t. Quite. Grasp it. Urgh!”

“Fuck”, Bakugou mutters with feeling. Exactly, Kirishima thinks, fuming at himself. Fuck.

They’ve been at it for hours. Gym γ is in ruins, which is fine since Cementoss can fix it up in seconds once they’re done but still. By this point, Kirishima expects more progress than aggressive indoor renovation via explosions.

A hero’s Ultimate Move is supposed to be this grand, show-stopping technique to turn the tides and save the day. Finally, finally, they’re in the clear to develop their own. There’s an idea in Kirishima’s head, a concept he’s worked on for almost as long as his aesthetic as a hero. An extension there-of, in a sense.

It’s badass, it’s manly, it’s invincible–

It’s not this. Kirishima is starting to doubt he’ll ever get there.

“What’s wrong with me, man? Like, I see you coming and my quirk kicks up a notch ‘cause it’ll hurt if I don’t harden enough and then it just. Stops? Before it gets where I want it to be? Are explosions to the face not dangerous enough, or something?”

Bakugou is shaking out his hands and loosening his shoulders, a wince making his nose scrunch a little. “You’ve taken more of ‘em today than you could at the Festival”, he notes in that neutral tone he uses when he counters Kirishima’s whining with facts and logic. “Pretty sure any of the other extras would be dust by now, including that steel fucker.”

Kirishima appreciates the Bakugou-version of a pep talk, he really does, and he’s probably right (he usually is). But it’s not what he wants. He wants his Ultimate, and he wants it now.

And, eyeing Bakugou’s grenade bracers, he might know of one way to get there.

“Use those.”

“Hah?”

Kirishima pats one of the clunky devices, hand hardened just in case. Bakugou bares his teeth at him but doesn’t pull away. “These. Hit me with ‘em? Full blast.”

Bakugou’s expression sobers. Dead serious. “Don’t fuck with me. They’re not made for people.”

(And Midoriya is what, a house plant? Kirishima doesn’t voice that thought out loud. He has some sense of self-preservation, thank you very much.)

Besides, Bakugou didn’t say no. The possibility is there, if heavily guarded – and where there’s a chance, Kirishima will always at least try.

“Look, dude. For better or for worse I’m too used to anything else, and adrenaline alone is clearly not cutting it right now. I’m…” Kirishima laughs, a little embarrassed despite himself. “I remember what that explosion did to Ground β. Not gonna lie, it was pretty wild and I’m a bit, uh, scared. But I’m also ready. I can take it, I know I can.”

Bakugou is looking at him, intense in a different way, searching Kirishima’s face for… something. “You’re scared of me?”

What? Kirishima rewinds what he said in his head and oh no. He waves his hands in front of him, like he can physically wipe away the notion. “No. No, Katsuki, I’m scared of what I saw back then. You, I trust. With my life.”

Which is a sappy thing to say, even Kirishima will admit that, but it’s also true. Asking Bakugou to use the bracers on him is literally placing his life in his (very lethal) hands.

There is a line between sparring and actual combat, and while they’ve come close to it, have toed it and tested its give in pursuit of greater heights, they’ve never taken that leap. They’re back at it now, balancing on that edge, and Kirishima can guide Bakugou there but he won’t push him across because Bakugou is hesitating.

“Once I pull the pin, I can’t stop it”, Bakugou says, locking Kirishima’s eyes with own. “I can redirect the blast but it won’t stop.”

Kirishima nods. “I know.”

“They’re all the way full. It’s gonna be brutal.”

“I know”, he repeats, chest warm despite the tingle of nerves in his gut. “I can take it. I swear.”

Bakugou spits on the ground. “Fine. Fuck it. You better fucking push it this time or you’re literally dead.”

“Oof, did you have to put it that way?”

A cold look is all he gets. Kirishima stands a bit taller on instinct. No time to joke, got it. Bakugou rolls his neck and explosion-jumps a good twenty yards away before turning back towards him. His right bracer is checked over in brisk and efficient moves.

“Get ready. I’ll count down from five. On go, you go. Plus fucking ultra.”

Legs apart, knees locked, back in a straight line. The stance comes to Kirishima as easy as breathing, as does the rigid feeling of his quirk taking hold. He braces his arms, hands up with his fingers sharp and claw-like.

A grim smile. “Plus ultra”, Kirishima confirms.

The safety slides off with an audible click. The pin emerges, Bakugou’s index limp on the trigger. “Five.”

Inhale.

“Four.”

Kirishima knocks his hands together, the rock-like smack reassuringly familiar.

“Three.”

Exhale. His limbs go stiff, his skin having long lost feeling as the keratin in it grows solid. Tough. Bulletproof.

“Two.”

Harder. Harder. Like a mountain. Like granite. Like raw fucking diamonds. Harder than that.

“One.”

Inhale, inhale, inhale. Kirishima’s chest locks into place, his heart pumping away as his innermost remains unchanged and everything else goes rigid. Be strong. Be invincible–

“Go!”

 A hiss, a spark, flames – the explosion roars to life and Kirishima roars back, sees it coming in a wave of light and destruction coming for him and only him. It’s not enough, more, more, but his quirk is buckling as it crashes into that wall inside him he can’t break–

“Push it, Kirishima! Push it, damn you!!”

He’s in Kamino, back to the wall and head full of death. Himself, dead, his classmates, dead, Bakugou, dead dead dead–

Never!

A second before impact and it fractures, splits apart. Time passes in slow motion as his vision bursts into a thousand unique and unknowable shades and–

Everything is so sharp, fragmented and crystalline and bright. The explosion hits, a kaleidoscope of red-yellow-orange that makes sense, somehow. Kirishima watches as it rolls over his hands and wrists and arms; it pushes against his chest like a gust of wind, playful, almost, like it could carry his weight if he leans into it, so he does.

One step. His body is heavy, so heavy, rumbling and grinding against itself at every point of contact – at his joints, between his fingers, along the knife’s edge of his teeth. Another step, again, again, moving through it like it’s the ocean lazily lapping at his legs in molten waves headed to shore.

It couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds. Kirishima doesn’t register it’s over until he catches a shouted “Eijirou!” and Bakugou is there, sliding to a stop right in front of him. There’s shock written all across his face.

“Holy shit.”

Maybe Kirishima died, after all? It’s hard to tell with him being head-to-toe numb – he is pretty sure that feeling in his chest is his heart beating like the wings of a caged hummingbird. His lungs are screaming for breath, actually, and Kirishima tries but breathing is not working right now, which is fine. He opens his mouth all the same.

“Did it work?”

His voice is this low rumble that he himself barely recognizes. It’s okay, Bakugou understands him. Bakugou laughs, in fact, a short, incredulous huff of air.

“Did it work?! Did it fucking–”

A gasp, like Bakugou realized in that exact moment it’s Kirishima in front of him. Then he grins, big and toothy and so excited it’s making Kirishima dizzy.

“Holy shit, it worked! You fucking survived! And you’re a dragon! Or something! You have claws and fucking fangs and– That’s so badass, what the fuck!”

“What?!”

“YEAH!”

Kirishima looks down at his hands – his claws, long as daggers and curved inwards. “Oh fuck. Is it cool? Dude, I can’t see myself! Is it cool?!”

“You’re a fucking dragon of course it’s fucking cool”, Bakugou yells at him in one breath. “Shit, wait. Wait, wait, where the fuck is my–”

He takes off his cloves and fumbles for his pockets, like fumbling is something Bakugou does. The world is still weirdly precise and crystal-like and starting to spin, uh oh, that can’t be good. Bakugou’s got his phone out and Kirishima smiles, a Pavlovian response to being in front of a camera, and his jaw creaks with the movement.

Creaking is not a noise a human body should do. Then again, surviving a blast like that is also something that should be impossible.

Holy shit indeed.

“I made it.” Kirishima continues to stare down at himself, at the jagged plains of his chest where he tore through his shirt. It doesn’t feel real but it is. “I’m alive. I got my Ultimate.”

Bakugou is back and closer than before, his face mere inches from Kirishima’s. “Fucking woah, dude. Not a single scratch. This is insane.” The grin is still there, his voice quieter and dripping with pride. “Did ya feel it at all? How’s your mobility? Is there a time limit to this or–”

It’s getting hard to focus, Bakugou’s words running into each other and flying right by without his brain processing any of it. His spiked vision is blotted out in places, increasingly stained in black ink dots.

“I think I’m… I’m about to pass out.”

“Wha– Drop it. Kiri, drop your quirk!”

I’m trying, he wants to tell him but there’s no air left to say it with. Kirishima goes to his knees an instance later, his stiffened body resisting the way he wants to fold forward. Sounds are muffled, the darkness closing in–

By impending unconsciousness or by command, it doesn’t really matter: Kirishima feels his quirk fade and his entire body soften. He’s falling over until he’s not, strong hands catching him around the shoulders. A moment later, a semi-gentle slap to his cheek reminds him that there’s something he should be doing.

Kirishima breathes.

It feels really good, even if it hurts, too. His chest is flexible enough to expand now but clearly not happy about it while his lungs lurch for every bit of oxygen they can get. Breathing is a lot of work, then, but it’s worth it. Kirishima has an Ultimate Move, and he knows how to turn it off. Kind of.

“Why didn’t you tell me you can’t fucking breathe in it?!”

“Ah”, Kirishima mumbles, in-between pathetic pants of air, “That would be… because… I didn’t know… I couldn’t… Wow, I’m so dizzy.”

Bakugou groans. “Yeah, it’s almost like you just nearly suffocated yourself to death. Sit your ass down, idiot.”

A flick to Kirishima’s cheek has him whining. Every inch of himself is prickling with oversensitivity, the polar opposite to how it felt to exist in that explosion.

Because he did that. That happened.

By now he’s aware he’s leaning on Bakugou, his legs wobbling even as he’s held steady until he can plant his butt on the floor. Bakugou doesn’t push him off after he sits right next to him, either; he nudges him aside to take off his bracers and his collar but otherwise, Kirishima is free to stay where he is.

Kirishima takes the invitation for what it is and lets himself rest against his shoulder, thoroughly exhausted. “It felt so cool”, he tells Bakugou once he can inhale without shaking out of his own skin.

“Like. My vision went nuts just before the blast hit, I think that’s when I activated it. Everything was all bright and, like, broken apart? Kind of like shards of glass or something, it sounds weird now but it made sense in that moment. I was standing in the explosion and it barely moved me.”

Bakugou’s eyebrows go all the way up. “Seriously? That shit usually levels a whole building.”

“Yeah! I walked a bit, too, so that’s what I’ll work on next. Breathing would be good as well, I guess. Just have to get used to, well, everything.”

Looking down at his naked arms and the red outline around his right wrist, Bakugou nods, pensive. “Were you scared?”

Kirishima winces. Still thinking about that, huh? He almost regrets mentioning it at all, even if it’s the truth and part of them. Their starting point, all those months ago.

“At first, yeah. And then it was gone. Like, I feel I can face down anything when I’m like that, y’know? I won’t break no matter what. It’s exactly I wanted.”

Kirishima’s laugh comes out wheezy. There’s a headache pounding away at his temples, his throat raw from yelling and everything else. “Unbreakable. That’s what I called it when I thought of it. And it’s reality now.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” A shake of Bakugou’s head. He digs out his phone again, flicking to the most recent entry in his camera roll. “Here. That’s how it looks like.”

What he sees wipes the smile off Kirishima’s face entirely. He gestures to the phone and Bakugou shrugs, dropping it in his hand. Kirishima holds it close to his face, almost cross-eyed with his need to drink in all the details. The red spikes of his hair. His eyes all intense and turned to stone. The teeth, holy hell. Layers and layers of armored skin shifting over each other like tectonic plates.

No wonder he sounded like rocks tumbling down the mountainside in that form.

Bakugou nudges his side. “Okay, spill. What’s the sad face for this time?”

“I don’t know.” Kirishima swallows. “It’s scary, isn’t it? I know why you got dragon from this and it is cool. It feels cool, too. But is it something people would feel safe around?”

“Uh, yeah?” The device is snatched back. “Civilians are morons and fickle as fuck but if this is standing between them and certain death, fuck yeah they’ll feel safe. Besides, you’re like Riot.”

“The dog or the hero?”

“Fucking both but I mean the dog. You’re like, stupid friendly and all”, a vague gesture to his face, “wholesome and shit, whoever doesn’t immediately get ‘hero’ from that is dumb as hell and deserves to die.”

“Okay, okay, I hear ya.” Kirishima chuckles, rubbing the back of his head under the praise. He hurries to say: “Well, minus the wishing-civilians-dead part.”

“Nope. They can definitely die.”

“Dude.”

Bakugou is grinning, though, knocking his phone against Kirishima’s forehead. “Get your head outta your ass already. That Ultimate is badass as fuck. We’re trying my AP shot on it, next time.”

“You mean the one that goes through concrete?”

“Ye-up, that’s the one. Now get off me, you’re all sweaty and gross.”

Kirishima oofs as he’s pushed to the ground. He stays there, for a minute or two. Staring up at the far ceiling and musing how okay things feel right now. Hoping that they’ll stay that way, for a little while at least.

Then Bakugou is standing over him, offering him a hand. “I’m not carrying you back, asshole. Get up.”

Kirishima groans as he’s pulled up. The tingling has firmly settled into soreness and it’s everywhere. Still, when Bakugou makes to let go, he holds on tighter.

“Bro, wait.”

A questioning glance.

“We gotta do the thing!”

The glance turns almost concerned, a silent have-you-finally-lost-your-marbles sort of look. “The… thing?”

“Yeah!” Kirishima imitates an explosion between their hands. “The sparking off thing!”

All confusion disappears. “Ah”, Bakugou says. Then he turns around and marches right out the gym.

“Baku, no! Don’t leave a bro hanging like that!”

(In the end, Kirishima gets his handshake. Bakugou complains about his ‘shitty ass puppy eyes’ being ‘effective as all fuck’ the whole way to the dorm.)

>>Chapter 7.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Forged Through Fire (2/13)

Summary: Amestris. Once democratic, now a military dictatorship. Prohibition is strict; personal freedoms curtailed. All alchemists must be state-licensed or face imprisonment. Foreigners are met with suspicion. It’s a grim place and a grim time, but there are some people able to bring a little light to the world. Behind an innocent-looking bookshop, speakeasy proprietor Chris Mustang has formed an unlikely alliance with unlicensed alchemist Van Hohenheim to provide alcohol to those who want it and medical care to those who need it. When Riza’s newly complete tattoo becomes infected, Roy brings her into this underworld, little knowing the way it will change their lives in the future – uncovering the secrets of the mythical Philosopher’s Stone and the schemes of a Fuhrer hell-bent on achieving immortality, all whilst navigating what they mean to each other.

===

Rated: T

[One] [AO3]

===

Content warning for this chapter: Discussion of domestic abuse – parent on child; implied self-harm and discussion of self-harm.

===

Forged Through Fire

Two

The phone ringing startled Roy out of the doze he hadn’t realised he’d fallen into, and he jumped up out of his chair, massaging the crick in his neck as he went over to the phone on the wall.

“Mustang.”

“Hello Roy. It’s Riza. Riza Hawkeye.”

“Riza.”

For a good long while, Roy had absolutely no idea what to say to her. He hadn’t seen her since the day that he’d finished his training under Berthold and passed his state licence exam, although they’d kept in touch with the occasional letter. It was the first time she’d ever called him since he’d moved out of barracks and got his own apartment with his own phone line, and the novelty of hearing her voice again after all the time that had passed was enough to render him speechless. Finally he regained his tongue.

“It’s good to hear your voice again,” he said.

“Yeah. It’s good to hear yours, too.” She sounded quiet, her voice low and measured as if she’d been crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“My father died.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.” There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “The funeral’s on Friday if you want to come. Please don’t feel obligated. There won’t be all that many people there. He wasn’t exactly a social man.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.” The relief in her voice was almost palpable, even over the phone. “So… How have you been?”

“All right. Not doing much, we haven’t been shipped out anywhere yet so it’s mainly just paperwork and patrols.” God, this was the inanest conversation ever. He hadn’t spoken to Riza for a year and a half, and this was what he was finding to talk about? “How are you holding up?”

“I don’t know how to feel right now if I’m honest. Everything’s so… weird. It’s not like when Mom died. Everything was easy then. I was sad because she wasn’t there anymore. This time…”

Roy knew exactly why she trailed off. Receiving letters from Riza in the time since he finished with Berthold had always been bittersweet. He knew the situation she was in, and he had no idea how to help her out of it. Now, she was out of it more by luck – if death could be considered luck – than judgement, and he still felt a stab of guilt that he had not been able to do anything for her.

“Yeah. I understand.” Did he really? “Do you need anything?” He didn’t want to think of her in that ramshackle old house all by herself. “Groceries, company, anything?”

“I’m ok. I’ve got everything sorted. I think I just need to know there’ll be a friendly face at the funeral. Thanks.”

“Any time.” He was reminded of the time he took her to the bar after her tattoo got infected. “How’s your back?”

“Sorry?”

“It was a long train of thought. How’s your back doing?”

“It’s fine.” For the first time, he thought that she might be smiling on the other end of the phone. “I’ve not had any problems at all since Trisha and Hohenheim fixed me up.” There was a pause. “Are they still there at Madam Christmas’s?”

“Yep. I don’t think they’ll ever leave.”

Riza laughed. “Well, send my regards next time you see them.”

“I will. I guess I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Till Friday. Thank you, Roy.”

They said their goodbyes, and Roy stayed staring at the phone for a long time after he hung up. It was only now that he realised just how much he had missed Riza in the intervening time. Perhaps it was because they had never completely lost touch with each other that the separation had not seemed as absolute as it did now; she had always still been on the periphery of his world, even if she wasn’t regularly in it like Aunt Chris and his new friends and colleagues within the military. Now he realised just how long it had been.

She hadn’t changed at all, and when he saw her standing in the cemetery on the grey and miserable morning of the funeral, he was almost relieved to see that she was still just the same Riza. Although, that said, not exactly the same. There was something behind her eyes, a little bit haunted. Maybe it was just grief, maybe it was something far more complicated. She gave a wan smile when she saw him, making her excuses to the scant other mourners and coming over to him.

“Hey. It’s good to see you again.”

“Likewise. Are you ok?”

She nodded. “I’m getting there. It’s still all so surreal.” She glanced over towards the grave and the drab preacher getting ready to intone the service. “Shall we go? It shouldn’t take too long, I don’t think. I mean, what is there to say about him?”

Roy would have given her the usual platitudes about Berthold being a good man and a great alchemist, but whilst the latter may have been technically true, neither really rang true to Roy’s ears in regard to Riza. Berthold might have been the one to teach him flame alchemy, but he had also been the one to permanently ink that flame alchemy on Riza’s back and shape the course of her life forever. The words she had spoken to him on that fateful day when she’d shown him the array had always echoed in his mind. What’s done is done. Nothing could change the fact that the tattoo existed, and that Berthold had been the one to put it there. Nothing would ever erase that. Nothing Roy or anyone else could do would ever be able to make that better. Did that mean he didn’t ought to try?

The service was short, just the usual empty words over a plain casket, and Roy hung back as Riza received the well wishes of the few other attendees until she was alone with the headstone again.

Riza sighed. “Is it bad that when everyone says ‘I’m so sorry’, there’s a part of me – a large part – that thinks ‘I’m not’?”

Roy shook his head. “No. I don’t think so. I think given everything, that’s natural.”

“When I looked in on him that morning and found him… I thought I’d feel sad, or that I’d panic, or maybe that I’d just feel numb. But honestly the thing I felt the most was anger. Not because he was dead, that he’d been taken from me in that respect. I wasn’t angry at the world. I wasn’t even really angry at him. I was angry with myself, because I hadn’t done anything, and now he’s dead and I don’t have the chance to call him out for everything he did.”

“It’s not your fault. What could you have done?” He paused. “It’s everyone else who should have been doing something.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself either. He had just as much of a position of power over you as he did me. In a different way, but I’ve heard cynics say that apprenticing under an alchemist is equivalent to selling your soul to them until you pass your licence.”

“Yeah. But after I passed my licence. Anyway, enough about me. Do you want to come somewhere and talk about it somewhere that’s not a very windy cemetery with rain threatening any moment?”

Riza nodded. “Yeah. I could really use a drink right now.”

Roy smiled. ��All right. Come with me.”

It was a quiet and contemplative walk through the city towards the bar, and Roy couldn’t help giving the odd glance sideways over at Riza as they made their way through the damp streets. It had rained earlier, and the clouds were still hanging dark and heavy in the sky. In a way, the weather reflected the entire city – dark, oppressive, unrelenting; constantly hanging over their heads like the Sword of Damocles.

Amestris hadn’t always been like this, according to those who’d seen it in its heyday. Roy was still too young to remember a time before the Fuhrer had come to power and democracy had given way overnight to the grim dictatorship they’d now found themselves living in, but Aunt Chris and Hohenheim remembered it. They’d made the best of things in the best way they knew how – defying the law and doing what was needed anyway.

A part of him wished that they didn’t have to do it, that he could somehow come into a grand inheritance and set them up comfortably for the rest of their days, but he knew them both and he knew they’d still keep doing what they were doing even if money was no object. There were some things that were more important than staying on the right side of the law.

Still, just because they had carved out their own little niche in the new world they lived in didn’t mean that they couldn’t be nostalgic for better times. Aunt Chris wasn’t one for reminiscing, but he’d found her and Hohenheim sharing the good Drachman vodka more than once after last orders had been called.

His thoughts ended up coming full circle round to Berthold and the many arguments they’d got into over Roy’s decision to join the military. Berthold could remember the time before and held no love for the military regime he was now living under. Roy had never known different but knew enough to be well aware that he was becoming part of the problem. With a problem like this, though, with something so well-established and deeply ingrained, it was impossible to effect any sort of change except from within, and when he had first joined the academy, Roy had been naïve enough to think he could be the one to make that change.

Four years later, he was not quite as convinced, but his determination still held fast.

Vanessa was on duty in the bookshop today, and if she seemed surprised to see them coming in at four o’clock in the afternoon then she didn’t show it, simply waving him through without a word. She gave Riza a little more scrutiny, but since she was coming in with him, there wasn’t a lot of point in giving her the third degree. Of everyone who was involved with Madam Christmas’s bar, Roy was the one who was most aware of the need for secrecy. One of the advantages of joining the military and becoming part of the regular city patrols was getting inside knowledge on which premises were about to be raided as suspected liquor hideaways and being able to subtly clear the bookshop from the records. If it was an abuse of power, well, at least it wasn’t hurting anyone like most of the rest of the abuses of power that the military undertook on a regular basis.

Aunt Chris was behind the bar as usual when they got down into it, and she nodded over to a corner table, where Armstrong and Hughes were already sitting with Gracia. Roy turned back to Riza as Hughes waved him over.

“They’re friends and colleagues. We don’t have to join them if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine.” Riza smiled. “I think some happy company sounds like a good idea right now.”

“Roy!” Hughes grabbed the coats that had been holding the other chairs at the table. “Is this the girl you were telling us about?”

“This is Riza Hawkeye, yes. She’s Berthold’s daughter. Riza, this is Alex Armstrong and Maes Hughes, and Hughes’ girlfriend Gracia.”

“Actually, Gracia is no longer my girlfriend.”

Roy raised an eyebrow. Considering how giddy Hughes sounded, he highly doubted that there had just been a break-up.

“She’s my fiancée!”

Gracia gave a long-suffering sigh, but the smile in her eyes showed that she still found Hughes’ antics endearing after being with him for a year.

“Congratulations.” Riza took a seat beside Gracia and the two were soon deep in conversation as Roy went over to the bar to get the next round in.

Chris gave him a look.

“I’m glad you’ve turned up. He’s starting to be insufferable. Why did I let you persuade me to allow your friends in?”

“Because you love me.”

“Unfortunately, that’s true.” Chris peered over his shoulder at Riza. “How did it go at the funeral?”

“Much of a muchness, really. What can you say about a man who was a complete recluse dedicated to his research above all else, including his daughter?”

“Roy, you can’t keep beating yourself up about that. And for God’s sake, not now. She’s got enough on her plate; she doesn’t need to prop up your guilt as well. Don’t make her carry more than she has to. If she wants to be mad at you for not rescuing her then that’s her decision and she can do it in her own time.”

She continued to pour the drinks, and Roy leaned back against the bar, watching his friends.

“You’re not subtle,” Chris said behind him. “Who knows? Maybe now that you’re back in touch, you’ll finally ask her out.”

“Madam!”

“I call them how I see them, Roy-Boy. Remember you’ve always got the perfect date location right here.”

“Yeah, with Vanessa and Fiona teasing me every time I go in and out and you watching like a hawk.”

“Freudian slip there?”

“Shut up.”

He grabbed the drinks and brought them back over to the table, where Hughes was now expounding the current barracks rumour mill theory that Tim Marcoh had faked his own death and was now serving as personal physician to the Emperor of Xing. At least Riza was smiling, and although that tired and haunted look behind her eyes had not gone away, he could tell that the smile was genuine.

It was only later, once Armstrong, Hughes and Gracia had left them, that he could recognise the sheer exhaustion and the willpower it was taking her to hold everything together.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Riza shook her head. “No. Not yet. I don’t think I can face that big empty house knowing that there’s no one else in it and there never will be again. And knowing that I’m going to have to sell it. It’s not the selling it that’s the problem really, I’m not so attached to it. It’s just all the paperwork involved.”

“Well, you don’t have to think about it right now. And I can always stay over if you want.” Riza gave him a sharp look. “I mean on the sofa!” He tried to backtrack. “So that it’s not so big and empty and lonely.”

She laughed. “No, I’ll be ok. I’m just not ready to face it quite yet.” There was a long pause. “Your friends are nice.”

“They can be a bit much, but they mean well.”

“I wasn’t being sarcastic; they really are nice. Although I think Alex’s goodbye hug might have broken all my ribs.”

“Yeah, he’s not good with ‘subtle’.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Riza sat back in her chair, looking up at the ceiling. “The weirdest thing is not knowing what comes next. I’ve never really had any plans. Well, I had plans but they’re not going to work out. I always just thought I’d end up keeping house for my father until… well, until he died. I just hadn’t reckoned on it being so soon. I’ve got my entire life ahead of me and I have no idea what I’m going to do with it. It’s scary, in a way.”

“What were your plans originally?”

Riza shook her head. “It’s stupid.”

“It can’t be that stupid.”

“Fine. I was going to follow in your footsteps. I wanted to join the military and help you do what you’re doing, trying to change the system from within. But then my back happened so that’s out now.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I’m not really much good for anything else. What other careers require crack shot aiming skills?” Riza snorted. “Looking back I’m honestly surprised he let me near a gun. Maybe he was cocky enough to know I’d never turn it on him.”

Roy wanted to say something, the urge to apologise again bubbling up in the back of his mind, but he squashed it down. Like Chris had said, Riza was dealing with enough conflicted feelings of her own, she didn’t need his guilt as well.

They continued to drink in silence for a while, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Back when he’d first started learning under Berthold, they’d spent quite a lot of time together like this in the kitchen of the Hawkeye home, and it was surprising how easy it was to slip back into that familiarity despite the intervening years.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the drapes along the back wall twitching and Trisha coming out of the clinic. There was a flash of red lightning as Hohenheim transmuted the door into the wall, and then he came out too.

“We’re off,” Trisha said to Chris. “We’re not expecting anyone else tonight, but you know how to get hold of us if there’s an emergency.”

They left the bar hand in hand and Roy watched them go. When he looked back at Riza, her eyes were following them too, with a kind of longing. She had never given voice to anything, at least not in Roy’s earshot, but he’d often had the thought and he knew she must have had it too. Her back meant that she could never be intimate with anyone. Well, at least not without literally trusting them with her life.

“Roy… Would you do me a favour?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t agree yet, you don’t know what it is.”

“Ok. What is it?”

“Will you burn my back?”

“What?”

“I want to get rid of this thing.” Riza wasn’t looking him in the eye, just staring at the dregs in the bottom of her wine glass. “I want it gone so that I can have a normal life and do all the normal things I should be able to do. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of him having control over me even though I just buried him. It doesn’t matter that he’s dead, he’s always going to have this piece of me, and I don’t want it anymore. I just want it to be over.”

“Riza, maybe it would be better if you think on this without three glasses of wine in you.”

The thought of doing it made him feel sick. He was a state alchemist, and he was career military; he knew that he’d be called on to use flame alchemy on people in the future. He knew he would have to use it to kill people. He’d almost made his peace with that pre-emptively, knowing he would hopefully be able to atone for it once he’d worked to make everything better.

Burning Riza though, even at her own request… Hadn’t she already suffered enough at the hands of flame alchemists?

“It’s not a new idea, Roy. I’ve been thinking about it all week.”

“I still think this isn’t the best time to be discussing it. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll come over and we’ll talk about it then. Honestly, Riza, it’s a large area of skin and the damage I’d have to do to destroy it completely, I think it would kill you.”

Riza nodded. “I understand.”

There was a long silence after that, and in the wake of Riza’s request it was an unusually tense one; the uneasiness remaining long after Riza had changed the subject and they were talking freely again. By the time he was walking her back to the Hawkeye house, though, things seemed to have lightened, and Riza seemed to be feeling a little better.

X

Roy had managed to put the conversation to the back of his mind for most of the following day. He’d taken a few days’ leave for the funeral to be there for Riza if she needed him; she had no other relatives to help her out and she’d lived an isolated enough life not to have any real friends either.

It was only when the phone in the bar rang and Chris passed it over to him that he remembered with a jolt what Riza had asked of him, and his heart was in his mouth as he heard her quiet and hitching voice on the other end of the line.

“Roy, I need your help. I’ve made a massive mistake.”

[dwaynepride]

the unfortunate case of nonchalance

PART II - BIRDS OF A KIND

summary: while in town, jethro bumps into the endearing lady he met several days ago. and he finds it hard to tell her no.

words: 3,943

warnings: female reader

tags: @fairytale07 @jrenn10 @f4nboi @purplestarsr5 @ladyzombiielove @littlemiss3ma @minikate--24-05 @consultingdoctorwholock @dressed-up-just-like-z1ggy @ms-allenbrown @ikbenplant @dylpickles1267 @diaryofafan17 @specialagentlokitty @pageofultron @stanathanxoox​ @kittenlittle24​

author’s note: part 2 of the cowboy!au series. this is a part of meg’s 11k challenge. the prompts are cowboy au and secret relationship trope.

PART I | PART III

February 22th, 1889

It finally feels as if we’re settling down, even just a bit. Nobody likes being this far East - I can see how on edge everyone is. But we’re safe here, for the time being. That’s what matters.

Anthony still hasn’t told me his grand money-making scheme. Says he won’t until he’s worked everything out, but that don’t make me feel any better. There was a time when such promises of a plan would’ve interested me. But now, it only leaves me with a sour gut feeling.

For now, I’ll wait and hope that man has enough sense in his skull not to get us all killed.

At least Doctor Mallard is rescuing me from sitting in camp - he wants to go into town for supplies, and asked if I would accompany him. He says he’ll need help bringing everything back, but I suspect he knows I’ve been idle for too long.

He thinks I’ve been distracted. Thinking about what we left behind in the West.

I’ll let him keeping thinking that.

-

Doctor Mallard brought only one sack to carry the supplies in. And Jethro’s holding that single sack, tucked against the crook of his arm. It only confirmed his suspicions that the older man felt Jethro was spending too much time in camp. As tedious as camp is, though, it’s preferable to walking through town.

A man bumped into Jethro’s shoulder. “Hey!” He snapped, but the man just kept walking without a single apology. And it made Jethro huff. “Rude bastard.”

“The youth today have scarcely any manners, Jethro,” Doctor Mallard muses. He didn’t seem all that bothered by the rude display.

Jethro just gives a small hum, head shaking as he hitches the sack up higher and glances around at the bustling street. People coming in going, paying little attention to two dirty cowboys who are merely making their way back to their horses. Their clothes are spotless, stylish, full of lace and pristine furs - Jethro’s never felt quite so different than he does now.

The sun comes down on them hard. The long brim of his hat keeps the light out of Jethro’s eyes, but the day is long and hot. He’s looking forward to riding out of the stifling town. Feeling the wind and returning to the camp, where everything seems more free. More normal.

They pass the bank. Jethro’s eyes are shielded by his hat; he doesn’t see the person coming out of the building. Barely cares, until he hears her voice say his name in a way he recognizes.

Well, it’s more like his body recognizes it. Because his feet stop, his head comes up, and his eyes peer out from under the shade.

“Mr. Gibbs,” you repeat. Slower, this time. But still high-pitched; obviously pleased to see him away, and Jethro honestly cannot tell if he feels the same. He enjoyed your company, sure. Enjoyed talking to you. Found you amusing and endearing and interesting, all that once.

On the other hand, Doctor Mallard was right there...

“Is this your friend?”

You’re looking to the doctor now, stepping closer and holding out a hand, which he obviously takes. Jethro has to swallow before nodding his head. “This is Donald Mallard. He’s a very good friend of mine,” he answers. And the older doctor may be able to fool strangers, but Jethro was no such fool. When he introduced Mallard to the girl, he gave Jethro a look. So nonchalant - barely there - but he knew its meaning:

She’s quite pretty, isn’t she?

Jethro looked away so his face wouldn’t answer.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Doctor.”

“Believe me, dear. The pleasure is mine.”

“Well, we must be leaving,” Jethro cuts in quickly. You look at him, surprised. But he keeps his eyes away as he puts on hand on Doctor Mallard’s shoulder, trying to steer him away. “Our friends need these supplies...”

“Oh, that’s alright! I was just on my way home, anyway!” You call out after them. And Jethro can’t help feeling relieved. He can only imagine how Doctor Mallard will tease him about this back at camp. Meeting and befriending a pretty lady without mentioning it - scandalous stuff.

But the Doctor stops, and for an old man, his feet are rooted to the ground quite firmly. Despite Jethro’s shoves, he turns back to the woman still standing before the bank. “Jethro, what kind of gentleman are you?” He asks in a scolding voice. “You’re not going to offer to take this nice lady home?”

Jethro sighs, his fingers tight on Doctor Mallard’s shoulder but lets his hand drop away. He knows what the older man is playing at, but he’s also right.

“That’s not necessary,” you pipe up. When Jethro looks over, you’re smiling shyly. Obviously trying to wave off the offer.

And yet, Jethro hands the sack over to Doctor Mallard, who takes it gleefully. “No, it’d be my pleasure,” Jethro says. And he hopes you don’t catch rueful tone of his voice.

“Our horses are hitched right over here, dear.” You and Jethro follow Doctor Mallard in silence. He’s ranting off about the price of canned goods in this town; how they’re impossibly high compared to other towns. Jethro barely listens. He’s focused too much on you - how you’re walking next to him, movements so elegant, it’s alien to a rough cowboy like him. His own spurs clinked against the gravel road, footfalls heavy. A startling contradiction.

Jethro waits silently as the doctor pulls himself onto his old nag. And once he’s settled, Jethro dips his head to him. “Safe ride,” he says simply.

“And you, as well,” Doctor Mallard replies. And there’s a certain edge in his voice, almost teasing without being blatant about it. But Jethro heard the mischief in his voice - it made him scowl and turn to his own horse.

You’re waiting patiently, wearing a soft smile, and he realizes why the good doctor had told him to ride safe.

“You live far?” Jethro asks while pulling himself up. Once he’s in the saddle, he reaches down for your hand. And when you take it, his eyes avert away. The contact was so small and simple but the soft skin of your hand and the light grip you have, it affects him. And he hopes the wide brim of his hat is enough to hide his face as Jethro pulls you up to sit behind him.

“Not very. On the edge of town - it’s the big white house. Just head down the main street-”

“Oh, I’ve seen it,” Jethro cuts in. He pulls the reins and starts heading down the main road. “Big house like that, it’s kinda hard to miss.”

There’s a light laugh from you. Jethro’s grateful his back is turned, face hidden. “Almost too big, in fact. There’s a lot of empty rooms. Sometimes it feels almost....lonely,” you reply.

Feeling lonely in a big ol’ house, that’s not a feeling Jethro was too familiar with. Then again, he knows he owns his own brand of loneliness. The type that lingers, even when he’s surrounded by people. Especially in this town, when the strangers are even more strange to him than usual.

He doesn’t feel that loneliness right now, though.

Jethro clears his throat, head turning a bit to see you in his periphery before looking forward again. “So, what were you doing in that bank?” He asks nonchalantly. Though, he scolds himself; the question was both mundane and prying.

But you didn’t seem bothered, remarkably. “Visiting my father and his associate,” you answer quickly. “He says I should become familiar with how the business is run, since I may be involved running it, one day.”

He hums low while pulling the reins, turning his horse in the direction of your big white house. “Sounds like your father’s got your life all figured out,” Jethro says.

You’re quiet for a moment, and Jethro’s worried that perhaps he’s offended your father. Or worst yet, offended you. “Oh, it’s not like that,” you tell him. “I’m happy to learn. And he’s right, after all.”

Still, Jethro disagrees. But he doesn’t say anything, this time. Doesn’t want to run the risk of angering you. Or give you a reason to stop seeing him in a good light. And Jethro’s well aware that such a thing will happen eventually; just not right now.

There’s a bit of rough terrain on the road. Lots of mud from when it rained the night before, and it has the horse’s hooves sliding. It lets out a little whine, and Jethro pulls on its reins to keep it balanced. But the sudden jolting around must’ve spooked you - your arms are suddenly around his midsection. Holding on tight, afraid to fall. A normal reaction, of course.

But it shocks Jethro. His hands grip the reins even harder, and he’s grateful for the muddy road. Because you can’t feel the way his lungs suck in a deep breath.

What a humiliating response, Jethro chides himself. It’s as if he’s some dumb young man getting squirrelly when a woman touches him. And yet, that’s how he’s feeling. With your arms around his midsection, your front against his back, Jethro can’t think of any words to use to continue the conversation.

He rolls his eyes at himself.

It feels like an eternity to reach your home, riding in silence. But Jethro stops by the end of the fence, lifting his eyes to get a good look at the impressive white house. He imagines it must be even more beautiful inside, and quickly decides it fits you just fine.

“Thank you for the ride home, Mr. Gibbs.”

Your voice draws his attention away from the house. Jethro immediately dips his head, and his hand comes out to help you down from the back of his horse. “Wasn’t a problem,” he replies simply. Once down, your hands run down the length of your dress, straightening it back out.

He’s gotta go.

“Well, you have a good day, miss,” Jethro says. And with another nod of his head, he steers his horse away from the magnificent homestead. He’ll just ride back to camp and lock himself away in his tent for the rest of the day...

“Mr. Gibbs, hold on a moment.”

Despite himself, Jethro stops his horse. Sighs, and turns to look at you. “Yeah?”

You’re nervous, he can tell. Not on your face, but in your hands. How they wring together and keeping running down the fabric of your dress. “Would you like to join me for a drink in the saloon tonight?” You ask.

A drink? Jethro doesn’t know how to respond. He knows his answer should be no. He should make up an excuse for not being able to join you tonight, or any other night. Instead, he says nothing. Just stares.

Still nervous, you continue. “Or perhaps not tonight, if you’re otherwise engaged. I would just like to thank you for bringing me home when you didn’t need to.”

Jethro’s hands are in his lap, absently fiddling with the old leather reins. “A lady like yourself enjoys the company in a saloon?” He asks, tone conveying a teasing disbelief.

Just say no, you old bastard...

Finally, you smile. Jethro doubts he’ll be able to go through with his plans.

“You forget my father, sir.” Your hands come behind your back; more relaxed than you outta be, around him. “No man dares to lay a hand on me, if he knows what’s good for him. Not without my consent, that is.” You add on that last part with haste, and Jethro doesn’t miss it.

In spite of himself, he smiles and shakes his head. Disbelieving that you’re so able to change his mind in a snap, but somehow, not adverse to it. “I think I’ll let you buy me that drink, ma’am. I will meet you there tonight.”

Looking pleased, you dip your head to him and turn to walk up to the house. Jethro watches, just for a few moments. Once the breeze picks up and starts billowing your dress, that’s when he turns and rides toward camp. And he doesn’t see when you look back to him.

The ride back to camp was slower than usual. It gave Jethro a few peaceful moments to think things over. It was just a simple drink, he told himself. A thank you from a nice lady because he rode her home. Not all the women in this town are so snooty and uptight, he reminds himself. A couple glasses of the finest bourbon they have (Jethro’s confident you can afford it), and he’ll be gone.

He’s still in his own head when Jethro comes back into camp. Everyone seems to be doing their own thing; too preoccupied to bother with him. Abigail and Eleanor doing chores. Doctor Mallard going through his medicinal stores. Tim seems to be scolding Jimmy for getting the fishing line in knots again.

Jethro ducks into his tent, going straight for his clothing chest. Surely he has something decent to wear. It won’t be anywhere close to the level of prestige he’s sure you’re used to, but it’ll have to do.

He opens the chest, and instantly spots a pure white cotton shirt. That outta suffice.

“Hey, Boss!”

Instantly, Jethro closes the chest and straightens up when Anthony comes in.

He’s wearing that troubling grin again. Jethro’s mood instantly drops a little; he has a hunch of what the younger man is here for. “What do you want?”

Anthony isn’t turned off from Jethro’s icy question. In fact, it prompts him to step closer. The excitement is nearly palpable from the Italian, and it’s slightly worrying. Anthony’s not-exactly-legal idea to get some cash was something he hadn’t divulge that day in town. He said he wanted to work out a plan first. Wanted to make sure it was full proof.

Evidently, he’s worked it out.

“My plan to get us some money,” Anthony starts off. His grin turns into a proud smile, and he’s standing straight. Jethro’s stomach is suddenly a little tight. “The big bank in town. It’s sure to have a lot of money and valuables in it - you know these rich folk would keep their money in a vault. Tim and Jimmy said they’d come along as extra guns. Even Ellie is going to provide a distraction. I’ve worked it out, and it can’t go wrong. Especially if you’re there with us.”

Perhaps in the past, and Jethro was a little more reckless, he’d agree to the plan. And for what it’s worth, it seemed pretty solid. Anthony’s annoying, but he’s competent. A born thief and this is just flexing his muscles.

But Jethro remembers just this afternoon when you came out of the bank - how much time you must spend in there. Knows that you think him a good man, for whatever reason that he can’t understand.

“No,” he says. And instantly, Anthony’s face falls. Jethro’s head shakes as he takes a step closer to the younger man. “Our plan was to lie low. To not get into trouble while we’re here. Our life is out west, don’t you remember that? A bank robbery would ruin all that.”

“We’re wearing masks. Nobody would know-”

“You have my answer, Anthony,” Jethro snaps out. “I suggest you go tell the others that your plan is off. We’ll find other ways to get money.”

Anthony’s silent. Doesn’t move for a few tense moments, and Jethro wonders if he’ll continue to fight for his plan. But eventually, he huffs and stomps out of the tent. Jethro watches him go, and he hopes he rejected the plan for the right reasons.

-

The music could be heard from outside the saloon. Music, and the rowdy noises of dozens of people inside. Every one of them drunk and that’s what gets Jethro wary. Drunk people are often very stupid.

Still, he knows you’re inside. Waiting to buy him a glass of bourbon, and Jethro’s not known for keeping a lady waiting.

He pushes through the door, and instantly gets more than a few sets of eyes cast on him. And by now, he’s used to it. Being in this town, looking how he looks, he’s accustomed to side glances as these rich people size him up and decide he’s likely lower than dirt.

But while they’re looking at him, Jethro instantly finds you. He notices you’re wearing a finer dress than you were earlier, and new sets of jewelry twinkle in the saloon lights. Jethro’s not really a religious man, but he reckons this is about as close as angels can look. Both ethereal and warm.

His good mood is halted, however, when his eyes finally drift away from you. There’s a man beside you, leaning against the bar on one arm but facing you and judging from the look you’re wearing, this man isn’t wanted. The look, Jethro notes, is more-so the lack of an expression. Because he’s known you to be smiley and friendly with those you like.

There’s not any smile gracing your lips.

The man touches your arm. Not aggressively, granted. A brush of his fingers. But Jethro recalls your words earlier, and his feet are instantly moving. Thudding hard against the wood to bring himself to you.

And you see him approach first. Your eyes lighten up, but there’s still no smile.

So Jethro stops beside the man. His clothes are expensive, and his hair (if it weren’t so messy) is expertly cut. He can dress like a gentleman all he wants, but Jethro knows better. “Leave the lady alone, alright? She don’t want your company.”

The drunken man looks to him, only just realizing his presence. And then he pushes off the bar, standing at full height, but Jethro keeps his eyes steady on his. “Excuse me, sir? Don’t believe you were invited in on this conversation,” the man rolls out. His words are slurred and his breath reeks of liquor. Jethro can’t help but wrinkle his nose.

“You ain’t excused,” he replies steely cold. “Go stink up some other poor bastard’s saloon.”

It seems the man is finally catching on that Jethro was antagonizing him. His red eyes narrow, shoulders squaring. Jethro’s hands curl into fists, even after he feels your hand on his arm. A light squeeze, almost desperate. “Let’s just leave him, Mr. Gibbs. It ain’t worth-”

“I’ll show you who’s excused!”

The punch he throws is sloppy. Uncoordinated. Jethro should’ve been able to dodge it. But your hand had been on his arm. He was distracted.

The fist connected with his face, just below his eye - a solid hit, despite a poor swing. Pain exploded against Jethro’s face, and it’s nearly enough to knock him to the floor. But his hands hit the wood first, and he stumbles back up to his feet; Jethro’s not about to let some drunken idiot get on top.

He whirls around, fists up, ready to strike. In the background, he notices the music stop. People are cheering. But Jethro’s attention is only on the man advancing on him, arm cranking back for another punch.

But this time, Jethro’s ready. He dodged the punch easily, even feeling the wind of it brush past his face. And in the next second, his own fist connects with the man’s jaw. A more solid punch than he was given. More power behind it. More pain delivered.

It sent him crumbling to the ground, hitting the wood floor with a solid thump and made the bar patrons all gasp in shock. A few of the drunker, more rowdy ones even cheered. Jethro kept his eyes on the man, now out cold but silently hoping he’d get back up. To give him another reason to deliver another hard punch.

There’s a hand on his arm again. The same soft, lightly gripping touch that Jethro was so quickly becoming familiar with. His head swung around, instantly catching your eyes. They were wide and worried; a bit frightened, but he couldn’t tell why you’d be afraid. He’d just taken care of the problem. “Let’s go, Mr. Gibbs. You should get that cut cleaned up.”

Cut? What cut?

It was then when Jethro remembering the throbbing ache of his cheekbone. And rest assured, when he raised a hand to touch it, his fingers came away red.

You started pulling him away toward the back of the bar before the bartender called out. “Hold on, little lady! Your man just caused a fight - the law’ll want to speak with him!”

With a huff, you turn back around. Jethro wasn’t aware you could look so mean, but the look on your face was nearly enough to make him go running for the hills. “I know you saw that big oaf swing the first punch. If anything, my man was only defending himself - and me! You wanna bother the law about something like this?”

Jethro watches the bartender grapple with his words before sighing and turning away back to his work. That’s when you continued pulling him along to one of the back rooms, grumbling about the no-good idiots in this place, but Jethro was only really focused on how you called him your man.

That drunken bastard must’ve hit him worse than he realized.

He’s silent as he watches you move to the washing basin, soaking a piece of cloth in the water. “Sit on the bed, please,” you tell him. A polite request spoken in a snipped voice, so Jethro doesn’t think twice to obey. And just as he sits, you’re approaching him.

“That was a very stupid thing you did,” you remark sternly. The cloth is cool, at least. It soothes the quickly-swelling bruise. But still, he’s bleeding. Jethro can’t help but wince when you have to rub harder.

You scoff at his wincing, not seeming to care. “I swear, you’re just as much a ruffian as any cowboy I’ve ever met. Are you in the habit of getting into fights over something so trivial?”

Getting into fights? Sure, he’s used to it. But Jethro wouldn’t call defending you to be trivial. Quite the opposite, in fact.

He doesn’t say so. He’s too focused on how gentle you are in cleaning him up. Perhaps gentle in a way he doesn’t deserve - you’re right, he is a no-good bar-fighting ruffian. It’s difficult to understand why you’re this gentle with him.

So Jethro watches your face, screwed up with tight brows and a flat frown. And he can’t help his own lips from quirking up. “Are you busy tomorrow?” He asks.

You stop, and your eyes flicker to meet his. Jethro could’ve sworn he’d seen your face flush. “Don’t change the subject, Mr. Gibbs.”

“I’m not attempting to,” he replies quickly. “In fact, I’m trying to stop something like this from happening again.”

You’re confused. Looking skeptical, but your head shakes slowly. “I’m having brunch with my mother tomorrow at noon. But after that, I’m available. Why do you ask?”

The quirk in his lips grows into a small smile. “Good. Meet me behind the old church on the south side of town after your brunch.”

A small sigh comes from your lungs as your hands fall away from his face. The blood must be cleaned up, but Jethro can’t even feel the throb of his swollen cheek. “Can I ask what for?” You prod on.

“I’m gonna teach you how to shoot a man who can’t keep his hands to himself.”

[wincestisasincest]

The Green Book (Thorin’s Company x Reader, Part 2)

Hey gang! Sorry it took so long to get a Part 2! I wish I had a better excuse but in reality I just watched all of Game of Thrones and cried a lot.

I don’t know if anyone reads these descriptions, also, but if you are, send me asks/suggestions for characteristics of the reader, or objects that they have on them, or even pairings! I love to hear what people think, and will almost definitely incorporate them into this.

Summary: (Y/n) falls into Middle Earth. Shocker. Somehow, she gets recruited to join a party of dwarves on their kinda crazy mission to reclaim their home of Erebor. 

Part: 1, 2

Tags (let me know if you want to be added to the list!): @stuckupstucky, @dianaarelyfernandezgarza97

Words: 1820

Warnings: Plot clichés, vomit

“Do not touch her face.” 

“But uncle, look at her! Who knows what else she could be hiding? We should check to be sure.”

“Do not. Touch. Her face.” 

“What if it gets her to wake up?” 

“Lad, if you touch her face I’ll poke yours a lot harder with the back of my hand.”

“Right, right, sorry.” 

“I believe, at the moment, there is a greater threat that deserves our attention.” 

My eyes fluttered open, only to be met with several new faces, looking just about as shocked as I did. Though I didn’t get an in depth look, they all had thick brows, long hair, and even longer beards. They had also taken to certain sacks, made out of burlap. I couldn’t really make out the scene clearly as it was quite dark, a proper nighttime like I had missed earlier, but there was the aggressive firelight with shadows passing over it that illuminated their expressions. 

I tried to move, only to realize that I was in a very similar situation. A sack was up to my neck, and though I could move freely inside of it, the toughness of the fabric and the smallness of the sack was very limiting. 

“Psst. Hey! Lass!” I turned my eyes up only to meet with a blonde haired man, with braided bears and hair like a lion’s mane. I raised my eyebrows in response to his question. 

“Yes?” I answered meekly. 

“Hey, is that the lass?” Another young, spry voice answered from over the rest of the bodies. 

“Both of you, shut up!” A rather authoritative voice, quite deep, and apparently coming from someone with no sense of humor, rose over the din.

“Ey, stop ya talkin’ or I’ll cook yew first!” I looked up, only to be met with a pallid, monstrous face leering at the group of men. It held a slightly spiked club with its massive fingers as it scrunched its snot filled nose. 

It took nearly all of my willpower not to scream, but I did allow a gasp to escape. I turned to the blonde man, and scooted a little closer.

“What the fuck is that?” I whispered frigthfully. 

“A troll, it would seem.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What?!” I responded, just confused as this man dispensed tales from fantasy novels like they were fact. 

“What are they gonna do to us?!” I continued my interrogation.

“Well, I think that they’re planning to eat us, but don’t you worry. We won’t let that happen.” He gave me a confident wink like there was a chance of escape, before going back to angrily grunting against his sack. 

I sighed and leaned back, trying to absorb the situation. I couldn’t get a good periphery. If only I had my backpack, or something. 

Some sparse conversation between a smaller, meeker voice and the larger one of the troll was occurring to my left, though I was too dazed to make out most of it. Something about worms. 

The group then began caterwauling, all moaning about how they were riddled with the worst possible worms, and I had caught on to their scheme. If they were riddled with worms, then the trolls, of course, wouldn’t want to eat them. 

“What about her? She seems fine.” My vision went from blurry to dreadfully straight as the great club in front of me came into focus. Shit. 

“I, uh-” I struggled against my frightened breathing to put on a convincing performance. It would not be an exaggeration to say that my life depended on it.

“I have the worst case of all.” I used my tired breathing to my advantage, before employing a trick that I had learned on the playground in elementary school. I crossed both my eyes, before rolling them back into my head, creating the gross, veiny effect that used to make the younger kids throw up. 

I pretended to struggle against my health once more as I tried to spit out more improvisation, not even realizing the great number of eyes watching me. The only thing that I was focused on was the grossed-out fear in the eyes of the troll, who had clearly never seen such grade school witchcraft. 

“We all got it from eating a herd of cows that had worms,” I added, “That’s how it gets passed on.” 

“She’s lyin!” One of the other trolls, because of course there were other trolls, yelled from the back.

“Did you see what ‘er eyes did? You can’t make that up!” I had finally had the will to stand up, like an attorney defending someone in court. 

To my left, there was a very short creature, assuming that he was standing at his full height, of course, with brown skin and blonde, curly hair. He seemed just as scared as I. 

The larger troll hustled closer and whipped out a long, rusty knife that was hitched to his hip, holding it up to my throat. I could feel it biting into my jaw as some blood trickled, but I held my resolve.

“Why don’t I just cut you open to see them worms, girl?” He snarled. I heard a few gasps from behind me, before one tried to scramble its way out of my own throat. 

“I was going to die soon anyway because of my disease, you would be doing me a favor by ending the pain,” The troll eased his knife slightly, and I saw his expression falter as he realized that he hadn’t succeeded in visibly scaring me. 

“That would be all that it’s good for!” The small creature added, his voice rising almost an octave, “The worms are completely clear, you wouldn’t see anything.” 

I nodded, under the pressure of the blade still to my throat. 

“The only way to find out would be, of course, to eat us and die,” I added an edge of harshness to those last words, “Ready to take that chance?”

“The dawn will take you all!” A booming voice shouted from behind me. Though I didn’t turn around swiftly enough, I heard the cracking of rock and saw the rays of the sunrise spilling out over the three trolls on front of me, who were very swiftly turned to no more than stone. 

I jerked my throat away from the blade, which was now completely stone, and struggled to release myself from my burlap prison. My struggle, however, was ended by a sharp force slicing through the back of it and dropping to the floor, exposing my body to the rest of the world. It felt new to have the wind on my skin. I turned around to face my savoir. 

“Well, you’re a new face, aren’t you?” 

The first clear look that I had gotten at a person in a long time and it was, of course, Gandalf the Grey. Given how perceptive he was, I was sure that he caught the glint of recognition in my eyes, though he chose to say nothing. 

I turned to the side, only for my fears to be confirmed. Slowly crawling out of their sacks was a group that I had grown very familiar with, none other than the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, fully equipped with their wizard and hobbit. A flood of memories came back to me as I could recall both the book and the movie (like a moving picture with sound), both common tales from where I came from. I had just helped the legendary company escape from one of their earliest trials, the trolls, without even realizing it. 

The complication in this, of course, was that all my life, I had been taught that such company, and by extension, such a land as Middle Earth, was nothing but a tale. The fact that they were in front of me at this moment, and seemed to be very corporeal, was off putting to say the least. 

My face twisted into confusion.

“Never seen a dwarf before, lass?” A wizened old Balin, I assumed, stroked his long white beard while speaking for the equally confused looks of his company. 

“Uh,” I stuttered, tripping over my words, “uh, well, not in, I, uh, no.” I finally settled on not bothering whether or not I offended them and using plain, simple language. 

“From the looks of it, she’d never seen a troll before either.” The blonde haired one, Fili I remembered him as, said to the crowd as he was gathering up his equipment. 

I could feel my breathing grow heavy, and I swear that I was beginning to sweat. This was some fucked up dream. 

“Are you alright? There’s no need to be afraid, Miss.....” a small voice, that of Bilbo Baggins, who had appeared next to you as silently as hobbits are known to do, gave me a concerned look.

“(Y/n)” I answered bluntly, shunting his question.

“That’s a bit of an odd name. Mind tellin’ us where you’re from?” Balin leaned forward.

“I, uh, I-” All of the confidence that I had while confronting the trolls had completely vanished. I felt my stomach begin to churn, though I was so hungry that it felt out of place. 

“Yes, and where you got such strange garb from as well?” The man himself, Thorin Oakenshield, stepped forward, though I knew before seeing him from his voice. He looked as he always did, stern and focused. 

I stared down at what I thought to be quite normal, some jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, and a jacket, though only thoughts of how abnormal and alien I must seem right now could come to fruition.

“Let’s not bombard her with questions.” Gandalf intervened as every dwarf and hobbit eye was trained on me. 

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw my red canvas backpack glinting in the sunlight. It had been carelessly thrown to the side.

“I, um, I have to go!” Before turning around to see their expression, I gathered up my stuff and started towards the forest. 

“Go where, exactly?” I could hear Gandalf yell behind me, and stepping forward slightly in my direction.

“I don’t know!” And with that confident dismissal, I darted off into the forest, with my stuff behind me, not bothering to answer some of the screams and pleas. 

When I had convinced myself that I was far enough away where they couldn’t hear me, I grasped the nearest tree and threw up my entire stomach. My vision was getting dizzy again, and I could feel tears in my eyes. The adrenaline had gotten me through the trolls, but now, I was lost, scared, or, at best, completely insane. 

I took out my phone. The background on it was a picture of my family. My sobs only deepened. I curled into a ball and continued to cry, and hours passed before I would stand again. 

**********

Well that was fucking depressing. 

It will get happier, I swear, but I always thought that the concept of getting completely plucked from everything that you know and placed with a bunch of stange, unknown people was quite scary and emotional, so of course, it will be treated as such. 

Be on the lookout for a masterlist at some point!

[riofann]

Rio Random

You don’t know how long you have been standing there but you watch as their body language speaks for them. You hear some words but you can’t really tell what they are talking about it’s loud at the house. An involuntary sharp breath is taken when you see him push her hair back. 

“Y/N?”  Your head snaps towards the direction of your name “Hey!” Marie a long time acquaintance walks over to you looking cheerful “I haven't seen you in so long” she comments

You force out a smile “Hey Marie! how are you?” you ask leaning into the hug

“I’m good! how are you wow look at you!” she compliments

You smile and look down at yourself “thanks you look good too!”

“We should hang out sometime”

“Yea! Yea text me!” 

“Yea definitely!  I gotta run my boyfriends waiting for me.” She gives you another quick hug “I just wanted to say ‘Hi’” 

“Oh okay”  you don't wait till she walks away before your eyes are trained on them but this time they are looking at you smiling. Trying to play it cool. 

You march towards them and their smiles drop they knew they were caught.  Without a word you start grabbing your things

“Y/N” Krystal calls to you sounding apologetic 

“Excuse me” you say as you push past her and Rio

Rio shoots Krystal a mug pissed that she decided now was the for this conversation. He’s close on your tail as you walk out the door calling your name. 

“Y/N!”  he calls to you 

You spin around so fast he almost runs into you “WHAT?” 

“Its not...”

You don’t want to hear anything he has to say so you cut him off “Why not her huh Rio?” you ask repeating the words Krystal said to him “why not her Rio why Me?” You didn't even know what the context was but you could only imagine and your mind was doing circles trying to make sense of it

He’s calm and puts his hands in his pockets “Its not what it looks like” 

You feel like slapping him its almost like he was un-phased by your emotions “Then what is it? I mean I get it we aren't a couple” you start to gesticulate with your hands  “and this thing doesn't really have a label but”  you scoff “for someone who “didn't know” Krystal you sure don't mind touching her!” 

“Y/N!”  You hear Krystal’s voice approaching you. 

You put your finger up for to stop talking 

“We were just talking” she tries to reason as she approaches you 

“About what?” you ask looking at Rio

They both remain silent, but Krystal keeps looking over at Rio almost as a guidance on how to react or not 

“What?” you pause to catch a breath you were getting riled up  “is this some sick joke between both of you?” 

“No its not....”  she struggles to find the words “Its...uh” 

“So why not her huh Rio i mean what was that all about?”  

“Nothing he was just” she tries answering for him and he scowls at her 

You cut your eyes at her “i didn't ask you so shut the fuck up!” 

You turn to look at Rio and he stands there with an expressionless face. 

You nod understanding that he wasn’t going to respond to you “Perfect!” you say before you walk away. 

It's not like you didn't have an idea about who Rio is or what he does. But for both of them to lie to you and pretend that it was though that they met it each other through you is what you didn't understand. If they knew each other from before why not just admit it? What were they hiding? 

-

Even after he calls you multiple times you refuse to talk to him. Damage control wasn’t really going to work on you. Roughly 2 months pass before you see him again. You were with your Aunt Brenda at the country club near her home accompanying her to a charity event taking place. If you can describe your aunt  she was just like Blanche Devereaux from Golden Girls but don’t get her started on the show, cuz she swore up and down they stole her personality. 

You both sit near the front of the court watching the tennis players play. There were 2 separate events Golf and Tennis and she opted for Tennis because walking around in the summer heat watching golf wasn't something she wanted to do. 

She’s cheerful probably from the mimosas shes had, bubbly and talking to everyone around her. She’s never met a stranger is what you always say, it was partially true. 

You stop breathing and your heart palpitates faster when you watch him walk onto the court.

“Ooh who is that?” Aunt Brenda comments a widow on the prowl she would catch anything that glimmered at her periphery 

You pull your straw hat down a little further and look away and down for the majority of the time he plays. When the games end you're glad hoping to make a beeline for the car. 

“Well that was fun!” she comments

“Yea!” you say as you people watch she had been chatting with friends and you drove her here so it’s not like you could just leave her without her knowing anyway. 

A younger man walk by her, he smiles at her and she fans herself “whoo if i was younger!”

“You're only as old as you feel” you comment looking around you feel paranoid he has to be around the corner I mean you were mingling with the players 

“You're right!...Hey! how about we eat here! Instead of driving across town again?” she suggests when no one else comes up to say hi 

“Uh sure”  you say looking around for the nearest exit

“Come on follow me” 

You both walk inside and you find your way to the eatery 

“Hi Mrs. Richmond how are you?” the hostess greets her with a bright smile  

“I’m good Ashley you look cute today!  Can i get a table for 2?”  

“Thank you! Sure! let me see” 

“Make sure it's somewhere I can see everybody... you know me” she winks 

“Yea!”  Ashley giggles at the inside joke as she looks at the seating chart she picks up two menus “right this way” 

You both follow Ashley to the table by the windows it was great spot you could actually see the whole room. It was kind of full and the tables around you were filled with families  you're thankful because that meant he would have a harder time spotting you, seeing that your back was to the door anyway at least that's what you thought. 

You and Aunt Brenda both look at the menus deciding what would be the best cure for hunger after seating in 90 degree weather for half the morning well into mid afternoon

“I don’t know i’m thinking a crisp salad with fruit will be good but hell i want something savory” she comments 

“Yea i feel the same way” you agree  “the sandwiches sound interesting they could be savory with fries” 

“I’m looking at this salmon”  she looks up at you “Oooh!  someones coming  sit up!” she snaps her fingers at you

You do so out of habit she was always for sitting proper and being dainty, you glance back and  feel your stomach drop it was Rio making his way towards you. You shoot him a half smile and turn to face your aunt bracing yourself for the conversation to come 

“Ladies” he speaks his voice sounding like music to your ears it felt like a long time had passed since you last heard it 

“Oooh hi” she says immediately smitten over his voice she daintily reaches her hand out “how are you I’m Brenda this is my niece...”

He grabs her hand and shakes it rubbing his thumb over it “Y/N”  he turns to face you while finishing her sentence

She looks between you two shocked “You two know each other?”

“Yea Aunt Brenda this is Mr. Rio” 

“Mr. Rio” she giggles “call me Brenda.... WOW!  Y/N!  you naughty thing you didn't tell me that you knew him all that pinning i was doing watching him play” 

You smile” uh i didn't know if it was him really playing” you lie 

You are all quiet for a moment before Brenda interjects “You wanna join us?” 

“Sure if you don't mind” Rio comments looking at you not really caring about Brenda

“Yea its fine!” 

“Y/N move!” she says gesticulating for you to stand up 

“What?”  

“Switch seats”  she explains  wanting you to sit in the seat middle you sigh as you shuffle over to the right Rio pulls out your chair 

“Such a gentleman” Brenda comments and you refrain from rolling your eyes 

“Thanks” 

“So!” she leans over perking her bosom giving all her attention to Rio  “how do you two know each other?” 

You didn't know how to describe your friends with benefits relationship  “We met via a friend” you say 

“Oh okay tell me about yourself Mr. Rio”  she says taking a sip of her water

He smirks leaning back on his seat “you can just call me Rio...what do you want to know Brenda” 

Brenda blushes “well Rio first that tattoo... did it hurt?” she can’t take her eyes off it 

He takes a sip of water and the muscles in his neck only accentuate the tattoo more “A little”  he says flirts back 

“Ooh” she fans hereslf taking a sip of water “i need to find the waiter” she says looking around “he needs to bring another pitcher of water im getting dehydrated here that voice!” 

“OKAY BRENDA!” 

Rio laughs throwing his head back 

“What? that voice that tattoo that face mmmm!”

“BRENDA!” you scold looking at her 

“Wha?”  she looks at you innocently

“Can you” you shake your head don't mind her

“Nah i don't mind at all” he smiles 

Things are quiet again and you and Rio sit staring at each other

“Well i’m gonna go to the bar get us some drinks. Moscow mule for you I know Rio can i get you anything?” 

“Nah ’m good with water thanks” 

“Okay you two behave” 

“Yea”  you say glancing up at her

“Shes fun!” he says chuckling at her looking back and winking at him  

“She’s a trip”  you say shaking your head at her comment “what can I help you with Rio?” you ask cutting to the chase 

“You look good” his voice drops lower 

“Thanks!” you try not to blush  “didn't know you played tennis. Played well” you hope to change the direction of the conversation 

“Thanks. I called you” he points out your lack of answering his calls 

“I know I was busy at the time” 

He nods accepting your excuse “we need to talk” 

“No we don’t.... about what?” 

“I'm sure you got questions for me” 

“You're not gonna tell me the truth anyway, so what's the point?”

“Try me” he challenges leaning forward 

You sigh “no” you were defeated 

“What?” he says noticing the expression on your face 

“Was i just a pawn in your game of chess?.... like you didn't care about me?.....At all?”

He holds a puzzled look “Where’d you get that from?” 

“I” you take a deep breath “nevermind” 

He sees Brenda coming back and stands up “i gotta go call me sometime”

“I don’t even have your number you call me on blocked all the time”

“Check your phone”  he says as he walks away and when you do you have a new message with a simple text of ‘call me’

“Where's he going?” Brenda asks as she approaches the table

“He had to go”  you answer

“Why’d you let him leave?” 

“What was I supposed to hold him down?!” 

“Yes! now i have no eye candy” she says pouting 

“I'm sure you’ll find someone” 

“You're right” She turns to face you and looks at you for awhile before saying “so are you wanna talk about what's going on between you two?”

“Not really” you respond looking down 

“Come on you can tell me I'm your Aunty Brenda” 

You sigh she was right you would often go to her when you had relationship problems and you're actually consider telling her how you got to this point.

-

Even after having his number you still opt to not call him. Every time you get ready to you stop yourself remembering how you both got to this point and figure it's best if you don't even open that can of worms. 

Another month passes before you two run into each other. This time at a dive bar that's kinda how you two met anyway at a bar. 

“So Mike tells me he wants  a threesome for his birthday!”

“What?!”  you say snapping back into the conversation with your best friend Mia

“Yea! that is what i said WTF right?”

You take a sip of your drink “Wow so what are you gonna do?” 

“He can kick rocks unless he wants to find me another man to fuck” 

You both erupt in laughter knowing it would never happen 

You spend the majority of the night talking about life before your bladder is threatening to embarrass you, is when you get up and go to the bathroom. 

“I gotta go pee!” you say jumping from the bar stool 

“Go! Go!”  she shoos you away putting her foot on your stool to save it

You walk hastily across the bar and find the bathroom a mini line with one person in front of you.

When you finally get to pee it feels like heaven on earth. And feel like you can finally breathe. It was such a relaxing feeling to pee when you had been drinking. 

There's a knock on the door  

“Just a minute!” You say loudly hoping they can hear you through the loud music 

You finish your business and go to wash your hands when the person knocks again “GIVE ME A MINUTE!” You scream this time but when the knock happens again you're convinced this person was a true dick and you yank the door ready to have an argument only to see Rio standing on the other side

“Really” you say unamused “excuse me”  you go to walk past him but like true Rio nature he backs you into the bathroom instead locking the door behind him

“What do you want?” you snap 

“Wow no hi” 

“Hi Rio you look good i hope life is treating you well!... what. do. you. want?”

He smirks at your sarcastic tone “You supposed to call me” 

“Yea i didn't want you lying to me anymore” 

He sucks his teeth “how you know i was gon’ lie” 

“Ummm well lets see I know absolutely nothing about you. Oh besides the fact that you play tennis I’m sure your name isn't even Rio. You and Krystal have or had something going on that involved me and unbeknownst to me you were both playing me like a fiddle!” 

He chuckles

“Is this funny to you”

“Yea kinda” he says stepping closer to you 

You scoff “of course” you go to walk away from him but he steps in your way 

“Nah I’m not done talking” he looks down at you 

“What do you want to talk about?” you separate yourself from him, you couldn’t be around him, the cologne the voice, 

He says nothing and just looks at you

“You wanna tell me it comes with the territory and i should know these things by now? I do i also know you probably have 10 other girls waiting for you to call so it's not a big deal I’m not a big deal I don't see why you're insisting on resolving things with me!” 

Truth be told he did try to get over you and move on but he found himself thinking about you more often than not

“Krystal isn't who you think she is” 

“And you choose now to tell me that? I kinda figured when you two were looking like exes at the party” 

He takes in a deep breath and watches you

“ Do you know what it's like Rio. I’m completely exposed to you. You know everything! Everything! the good things, the bad things, things I will take to the grave with me things that I don't even want my parents to know about and majority of it i told you, the others you have your “connections” yet I don't even know your name. And then you and Krystal have something going on I don't know what. I don’t get how I’m tied into all of it.” 

He still says nothing and looks at you expressionless jaws tight

“Are you just gonna stand there and say nothing?” His apathy was really getting to you “........What was i a facade or something” 

“Nah” 

You sigh and throw your head back the liquor getting to you “I can't do this i just”  you reach for the door knob and he backs up against it “can you please” you plead with him, he bits on his lower lip he looks like he’s thinking about what to say next but instead he slowly stands straight, his eyes boring a hole into you as you leave the bathroom 

“Wow that took you long!” Mia comments its been close to 20 minutes 

“Yea i ran into someone”

“Who?”

“That guy” your new nickname for him 

“What?” she said confused  “ohhhh Rio” 

“Yea” you say taking a sip  

“What hes here?” she says looking around

“Yea don't make it obvious”

Her head snaps to face you “Sorry... you okay?” she asks rubbing your arm 

“Yea!” 

“You wanna leave?” she suggests 

“NO! Its our night out forget him!” 

“You sure?” 

“Yup fuck him”  

You both drink and the bar gets full and by now you’ve turned to face the crowd and people watch while talking shit at the same time

“Hey” you hear his voice next to you

“Hi!”  you say looking at him “this is Mia” you introduce her, since they never met before, but they both knew of each other 

He smiles “nice to meet you” 

“Mhmmm Hi Rio” she says as she holds an unamused expression

“Must have heard a lot about me huh?” 

“Some good things” 

He nods “what yall drinking” 

“Knock me downs”

“You want another round?” 

“Yea!” Mia responds for both of you 

“Y/N?” he asks you before lightly grazing his tongue on his bottom lip 

“Sure!” you say adjusting in your seat, its fair to say being around him while you were under the influence was asking a lot of you

“Its packed today!” Mia comments bobbing her head to the music

“Yea its a good night! why aint yall on the dance floor?” 

“You see these?”  Mia says pointing to her shoes “these aren't dancing shoes”

“So you just wanna sit and look cute?” 

“Period” you both say in unison

“Y/N?” 

“Yea” 

“What's your excuse”  

“What she said” you said pointing your thumb backwards to Mia 

“Thanks”  he says speaking to the bartender

“Come dance with me”  he says while motioning his head to the dance floor or rather where people were dancing

“Oh no!” you shake your head vigorously 

“Come on please  just one”  he says with his hand open waiting for you 

“Fine!” you say taking his hand in yours

“I'll save your seat!” 

He has a tight grip on your hand as he pulls you to the middle. He stops turns and faces you the music changes and he pulls you closer to him as you dance to bachata 

“Wow” you’re at a loss of words as you both move on the dance floor  

“What you thought this was?” he flirts 

“I didn't think this” you blush as you both move around the dance floor he holds your hand up so you can twirl for him while he smiles at you. For someone who was apathetic he sure did have moves.He spins you around so that your back is to him and you can't help but squeal as he moves your body along with his sometimes with sudden dips, making you hold onto his arms tighter. You feel his breath on your neck as the tempo changes indicating change of songs. 

With arms wrapped around you tightly you both sway to the music you feel a light kiss on your neck “I missed you” he admits 

You wanna call bs but this was diff he wouldn't even as much as say hi to you in public and now all of a sudden you are at a bar dancing with him 

“You heard me?”  he asks not sure because you didn't react you nod in response and step away so you can turn to face him he pulls you close

He looks deep into your eyes “I'm not lying” 

“Okay”  you say as you continue to sway to the music

“Last call for drinks last call” the DJ announces 

You both step away from each other and look towards the dj booth

When he looks at you again you can't help but blush Rio had a way of communicating with his facial expressions without a word being uttered

“You good?” he asks teasing you

“Yup! Lets go!” you say wanting to get out of the dance floor

“WHOO!”  Mia cheers as you two reach her

“That was cute!” 

“What you getting into after this?”

“Going home”

He smacks his lips “com’on ma” 

“No i think i should go home.” 

He nods respecting your decision

“She needs a date with a Denis she’s been grouchy I have a strong feeling you can fix that” 

He laughs

“Okay time for me to take you home” 

“What?” 

“We are gonna go it was nice seeing you” 

He pushes a strand out of your face and you take in a sharp breath “make sure you text me telling me you reached safe or ima pull up”

“Okay”