#anyways I need to sleep or better yet do some fuckin street drug

[vamp-luvr999]

TW : Read tags, Too lazy to type it. lol.

If she ghosted me I swear to fucking god. It’s not supposed to work like that. I GHOST YOU AT SOME POINT, YOU DON’T GHOST ME .

I’m losing my fucking mind, none of my fucking friends are talking to me. I don’t care how fucking pathetic This Sounds. I live Off of attention, I live Off The relationships i have with them.

I’d be fine if they left but it’s more the process. Cause I know NONE of THEM would say “hey, I don’t like you anymore. Blocking you.” that’d make things ten times easier!!

But fucking no, I always seem to befriend the people who DON’T DO THAT. And ofc there’s no issue with that, it just gets fucking repetitive!!

We talk -> I get bored -> I get distracted for a couple hours to entertain myself -> “hey sorry, I was busy/distracted” and it goes fuckin on and on.

Im a fucking terrible friend, i know That! Everyone will leave me one day, I FUCKING KNOW THAT.

I’m just so tired.. I don’t Even know or remember why I started writing this in the first place.

Everything is so fucking repetitive..

I get bored -> I become depressed due to being bored -> Solution?: Go do something shitty!! -> I get bored .. and so on and so forth.

It’s every two fucking months I’m attempting suicide now. I AM A FUCKING ADULT… or rather closer to it than ever. At this point, I should know what’s wrong. Been in therapy since I was 13 and have seen almost 9 or 10 different therapists lol…

I just Want to scream, and punch, and kick, and cry. Everything is so dull. Is this a symptom of anything, The intense boredom.. The apathy. NOTHING MAKES ME FEEL ANYTHING.

Not even Gore or seeing Dead Animals in the road, not cutting off my friends and not hurting my parents.

I just NEED to feel something or I might actually lose my FUCKING MIND.

Just… i Need a Break. From Everything.

I don’t Even WANT or NEED to die anymore. I just need to feel better. And being suicidal and never doing it properly, isn’t helping anything.

People would miss me, but fuck them y’know? Cause You Want me to Stau and suffer And you probably won’t even continue to stay with me for another 5 years.

I guarantee You None of My Relations will Make it past me being 25. So, Fuck anyone ever caring about me. You chose to Care, you chose wring. Fuck You fuck You fuck You. I don’t CARE That’d You miss me, if you’d miss me so much, how about you ACTUALLY HELP INSTEAD OF EGGING ME ON ALL THE TIME. FUCK YOU.

[4deathme]

Ok, let me start off by saying this, actually i had began writing journal starting from 1:23am and i had already wrote more than 6 paragraphs of the journal from the month of July despair. I have to write again now starting over again. What a pain in ass.

Alrighty, right now its 2:39am as i am writing these sentence.

It was July 22nd, Thursday, around 5:20pm i texted her long texts asking for forgiveness, acknowledging my mistakes. After lots of texts she finally responded to me at 6:14pm. She wrote a long text too explaining that i had hurt a lot and as she was trying to deal with her past trauma and was tryna fix herself too. She said that she need some time as she's overwhelmed by the current negative situations. She said that she had cried enough for the day. Although she said that she forgave me but also reminded me that i wasn't getting the same version of her like before.

I felt bad but i could understand because the amount of pressure i was giving to her weeks ago. Anyways, we were having good conversation after that, she was tryna lift me up by saying that i need to move on forward and then have a proper meal and sleep. She still cared about this stupid boy after all. She said that she’ll be forgiving me under one condition, and the condition was for my own benefit. I had to get better from the depressing state i was living in. She cared bout it still, yet fool like me always wanted more than anything. She texted me till 1:34am and then i got no response, she might have fallen asleep but yet i dared to call her twice.

Following the next day 23rd July Friday, I wished her in the morning and she responded at 11:23pm, our conversation was casual, she was getting ready to go out to her fam’s cafe to help her brothers out as she does every Fridays and Saturdays. After textin her ‘yello’ around 5:40ish, I just simply waited for her texts. She replied to me at 7:20pm something like that. She replied that her day was quit boring when i asked how her day went.

I reminded her that she was gonna call me tonight, which she declined by saying that she only said that she might. I was quite sad to heard that but i knew i could do nothin. If only that i night i wouldn’t have been drinking things would have gone in right direction. But as you know careless stupid drunkard never learns his lesson.  

From 8-9pm we were both talkin about this and that about my current health and situation and at 9:46pm I texted her if i could ask her something, she said ok but then again i hesitated to ask her, she asked me what was it but then i just dismissed it by saying ‘it was nothing’ and her last hands on a face emoji. (The thing i wanted to ask her was, if i could get a one last chance to resolve broken love of the tales of Yuno and Yuki. I just wanted her back, i wanted to tell her so much that, never had i ever missed her voice, her laugh, her smile, her everything. It felt like i was in drugged into love.  

And then it happened, around 11:38pm i started to annoy her more by texting and calling her.. little did i knew that she was actually sleeping and i was pissing her off. The thoughts of day labor at her fam’s restro didn’t seemed to occurred to me at that time, if it had came across my mind i would have thought about it lot but i just simply forgot it. She then responded furiously telling me how i could not think bout that she was sleeping. And idk why the fuck i started to babble about my feelings. Instead of apologizing and just wishin her goodnight i kept on babbling about my feelings and heart. She voice texted me too, and she sound genuinely pissed off. Yet to make things even more worse i started to talk about that my love was never fake and shit, and telling her that i was ready to meet her parents and marry her. Fuckin stupid ass drunkard me i hate myself for my own mistakes. That was the only time that i could have ever repent from my wrong doings but again no, fuckin miserable chap like me never gets his lessons.

Yah she got mad, she told me that i never understand my lessons and that i had just ruined her sleep. She told me to stop talking and let her sleep and that she was losing her mind bcus of me, yah that was the last text i received that night at 11:57pm. While me i just texted her until it was 4:56am in the morning and then finally im sorruuu text around 7am before going to sleep.

That was it after that. When i woke up in the evening and went thru my phone to check if i got any texts but then i saw that she had blocked me. It was quite like living in despair. It was not her fault at all, it was mine shit. I couldn’t fukcin handle myself. I was losing myself. I was numb. I was depressed. She was the only hope, the only light i felt while i was into the darkness and yet i fuckin blew it up in 2 single fucking night.

Wondering alone at the night in the street, reality and dreams steal my feelings and everything seems to have ended when it just begins. I'm in the abyss and she can’t see me. Should I let go and forget the past? I feel like I'm falling and the night is more darker than before. I feel so exhausted.

Current time before post : 3:49am

TO BE CONTINUED  

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Good afternoon, guys!! So, we’re almost 2/5 into this longer season! How are we all feeling? Thank you guys so much as always for reading, and I know I’ve been shitty at the translations, I’m going to do my best to get those updated as soon as possible. RL + Cuba v DR leaves me very little time to eat or sleep, but I swear I will get to it!! In just five days, we’ll be having our next giveaway!!

EPISODE 15

Nevada stood in the Green room of the club late that night, watching as Omar and Jose brought in the last of the gun haul they would be moving with the bikers in just a few days. With their warehouses under watch, the club was the safest place for their contraband until the new police captain fell in line with all the other cops Trujillo had on his payroll. But since the man was fresh in the precinct, Nevada knew he would want to make his mark as the captain that would change the Heights and would be waiting for Nevada and his men to make a mistake.

Not on my watch, pendejo, Nevada thought to himself with a smirk.

They’d closed two the VIP rooms for “repairs,” which hadn’t sat well with the strippers at first, but Nevada always took care of his girls and had offered them all an additional thousand bucks an hour. With the escort business in Harlem doing so well, he could afford it easily without taking money out of anyone’s pocket except his own, which he would make back tenfold once this load of guns were delivered.

His phone rang and Nevada reached into his pocket as Omar brought in the final crate and answered. “Si?”

“Heads up, man, the new captain’s hardon is pointed right at the club,” Reyes said in a hushed voice, obviously still at the precinct and being careful to not be overheard.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Nevada growled.

“I wish. Think he’s hoping to find illegal girls or prostitution going on there.”

He wouldn’t find either of those, that much Nevada knew for certain. He was always careful to vet every girl to make sure they were of age and legal citizens, and if he had ever caught wind of any of his girls selling pussy on the side, that girl would not only lose her job, but she’d also lose her head. The businesses Nevada kept were always legitimate on paper as well as in their operational practice. The only illegal activity was the dirty money being laundered through that business.

What the chief would find, however, were twenty five crates filled to the brims with semi-automatics and assault rifles, all illegal and all carrying a prison sentence of up to seven years for each weapon.

“Fuck,” Nevada spat. “When?”

“Tomorrow morning. He’s getting a search warrant from an old college buddy of his,” Reyes answered.

“Alright, thanks for the heads up,” Nevada replied. “I’ll make sure you get a little extra something this week.”

“You got it.”

Hanging up his phone, he looked up at Omar again. “You’re gonna fucking kill me.”

“Jesus Christ, what?”

“Fucking new captain’s coming in the morning to search this mother fucker, we gotta get rid of these,” Nevada answered.

“Fuck you,” Omar groaned as he tossed his head back.

Nevada dialed Josiah as he spoke to Omar. “Yeah, I know, bro. This guy’s a fucking pain in my asshole already. Chibby better find some dirt on this scrubby fuck before I make some dirt.”

“What is it with this guy’s hardon for you? You’re not that good looking,” Omar teased with a smirk.

“You know you’d suck my dick if I asked you nicely,” Nevada joked right back, putting the phone to his ear.

“Fuck that, I’d make you my bottom bitch,” Omar chortled, earning a laugh from Nevada.

“Si?” Josiah answered.

“Oye, we gotta bring some hardware over to Hechicera for the night,” Nevada said.

“How much space you need?”

“A room would probably be fine. Twenty-five packages, all heavy hitters,” Nevada answered.

“Yeah, I can open a room for you. Gonna need some gratitude for the tenant.”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry. We’ll be there in a couple hours,” Nevada replied, hanging up. “Alright let’s start getting this shit back into the van. We’re gonna take it to Harlem.”

Omar sighed, nodding his head before he lifted a crate and took it back to the van.

“I’m gonna update the girls and then I’ll come help you,” Nevada said, going to the main room of the club.

He looked around for an available dancer, which on a Saturday, especially in the heavy hours of the evening, was a tall order. The club tended to draw in an endless supply of customers on the weekends, from the morning to the wee hours of the night. He saw Lola--a tiny yet curvy woman with mocha skin that would make any man’s mouth water and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of--standing by the bar, obviously on her break since she spoke only to Barry and wore a silk robe around her lingerie. Coming up behind her, Nevada slid a hand over her hip and brought his mouth to the skin just beneath her earlobe.

“Tell the girls the VIP rooms will be open in two hours,” he purred.

“Aww,” she replied, feigning a pout and she arched her hips to rub against his groin suggestively. “No more extra thousand an hour?” she teased, turning her head towards him.

“Coño, mami, you’ve already been here four hours plus two more I’m giving you. Six grand ain’t enough?” he replied with a smirk.

She turned in place and slid her hands over his chest as she looked up at him from beneath her thick lashes. “A night with you would be better.”

He smirked. “You gotta talk to my wife about that.”

She grinned up at him. “I’ll let everyone know.”

“Good girl,” he replied, dipping his head to give her a peck on the lips before he went back into the green room to help Omar.

“You know, we got guys that could do this,” Omar said as he lifted another crate.

“Nah, we gotta take care of this from start to finish. Too risky using low-level guys, especially with this new captain. We gotta be smart,” Nevada answered. “Sides, you’re starting to get a dad-bod. You could use a work out.”

“Fuckin’ asshole,” Omar chuckled as he and Nevada carried crate after crate to the van parked in the alley behind the club.

Once they had all the guns out of the VIP rooms, Nevada handed Omar the keys. “Josiah’s waiting on you already, and just make sure to give his girl six grand for the room.”

“Alright,” Omar replied.

“Oye, take the back streets, stay off Amsterdam,” Nevada said.

“You got it.”

Jose leaned back against the bar in the club the next morning as the cops walked out empty-handed. Nevada had dealt with overzealous cops before, but none as hungry as this new captain. This one wouldn’t stop until Nevada was in cuffs, especially with elections coming up in a few months. Putting away a major player in the drug and gun trade would catapult anyone’s career and Jose wasn’t sure Nevada would be able to worm his way out of this Captain’s sights.

He could always spot something out of place in the club. That meant he saw the six-foot brown haired kid he helped raise from a mile away. Eddie strode into the club in a way that made it clear he had no idea how to behave in such a place. When his eyes met Jose’s, the boy made a quick beeline to him.

“Slow down, bumble bee. What’s up?” Jose asked.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Eddie said.

“Okay...so talk,” Jose answered. “Outside.”

Eddie nodded and the two moved outside of the club. There was a moment of silence as Eddie seemed to gather his thoughts and ran his fingers through his hair.

“So…Greyson and I are moving to Miami.”

Jose’s brows shot up on his forehead. “Shit. When?”

“I'm not sure yet, but soon.”

“That’s great. Good for you, kid,”Jose replied with a smile.

Eddie looked down at his feet for a long time before finally speaking again. “I want you to come with me…”

“That’s not happening,” Jose answered, shaking his head. “The hell am I supposed to do in Miami anyway? My life is here.”

Eddie's face fell. He knew it was a long shot, but he'd held out hope for a miracle.  “You've been with me my whole life...I guess I was just hoping.”

“You’re not a kid anymore, mijo,” Jose replied. “You don’t need anybody to take care of you. You’re a grown man now.”

Eddie nodded.“I know but, I'll miss you, ya know?”

“I’ll miss you too,” Jose replied. “You’ll be okay. I think it’s good you’re getting away from all this.”

“Me too,” Eddie said. “I'm afraid I don't know who I am without my family. I need to find out.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jose looked up in time to see an unmarked police cruiser posted across the street. “The sooner, the better if you ask me,” he added in a mumble.

Eddie looked at the car as well, moving to hug Jose. “You were my first best friend. I won't forget that.”

“I love you, too, kid,” Jose replied, patting Eddie on the back. He never had been one for physical affection, even with someone he thought the world of. “You’ll be fine. Just do yourself a favor and stay far away from people like us.”

Eddie smiled, “I'll see what I can do.”

“Good. You gonna go to school down there?” Jose asked.

Eddie nodded. “Yeah I'm looking at schools but probably University of Miami.”

“That’s a tough school to get into. Expensive too. You should check FIU, my cousin went there. Said it’s a good school.”

Eddie nodded and smiled. “Thanks.” He looked nervous, he wanted to start this new chapter, but even contemplating leaving had been hard. Everyone was so supportive and happy for him. It made him wonder if he'd even be missed.

“You gotta let your tio know where you land so I can come see you. Get down to Miami beach and grab me a nice tan,” Jose teased.

“Guys in Miami aren't half bad, ya know.” Eddie smirked and shrugged casually.

“How do you know? You’ve never been there,” Jose replied with a smirk.

“I've seen the brochures. We could find you someone nice, stable, easy going, just like you,” he said with a roll of his eyes and a laugh. “Maybe a nice Mormon boy.”

Jose shook his head. “No, no...the only guys I look for are pieces of ass. One and done. I don’t do that whole bullshit fairytale of thinking I could have a family. You kidding me? He’d be dead or gone inside a week.”

“Cause you do that dangerous shit. Get a better job.”

Jose arched a brow. “I like my job. Pays good, good hours...besides I didn’t go to college, what am I gonna do? Work some minimum wage job, bust my ass 12 hours a day for peanuts?”

“I worry about you. Minimum wage is better than dying.”

“We’re all gonna die someday,” Jose answered with a shrug. “That’s life. Everybody’s got their day.”

Eddie thought for a moment before nodding. “That's true, I guess.”

“But you don’t gotta worry about that,” Jose replied, patting Eddie on the shoulder. “Greyson happy?”

“Yeah he really is. Wants a new start, ya know?”

“Yeah, I don’t blame him,” Jose answered. “It’ll be good for you both.”

Eddie smiled before looking at his phone. “Shit, I gotta go, I gotta head to class but...can we hang out, just us before I go?”

“Yeah, we can probably work something out,” Jose answered.

Eddie nodded before he gave Jose a wave and started to walk towards the subway.

Rafael sat near the window of the cafe down the street from his mother’s apartment, using an index finger to idly trace over the rim of his cup. He heard the bell ring at the front of the shop and looked up as Lucia searched for him. When she met his eyes, he offered a hesitant smile and stood as she came towards him.

She sat down and Rafael sighed heavily. Usually she would kiss his cheek whenever she saw him, except when she was angry with him. “Okay...I guess you’re still upset.”

She quirked a brow. “Could you blame me?”

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. “No, I guess not,” he mumbled. Running a hand through his hair, he looked up at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I thought it would work itself out before I had to tell you...and I guess I was just so ashamed. I still am.”

“I know my son, you didn't do anything. Y/N was my wild child, not you,” she said with a soft chuckle. “Mijo, when you have a problem, you come home. You don't run off and hide from your family, me entiendes?”

Rafael nodded once. “I was embarrassed. I’m usually so aware of people’s intentions or at least paranoid about their behavior when it raises red flags.” He chuckled to himself and shook his head. “There were so many with Abby, I just chose to ignore them.”

Lucia listened carefully. “You're not going to catch them all, mijo. But you can't take everything on alone. Soy tu mama, you can always come to me.”

“I know,” he mumbled, staring at the dark liquid in his mug, which was likely already cold by then. “I’m sorry.”

Lucia moved to him and kissed his cheek. “Esta bien.”

He let a moment of silence pass between them and pushed his coffee cup away. “So what’s been going on the last two weeks? Anything exciting?”

“Nada, things have been slow.”

He furrowed his brow. “What does that mean?”

“Quiet, nothing new. Is Roxie enjoying the second trimester? You know I had heartburn all through my pregnancy with you, mijo.”

“She’s doing great, no heartburn. A little bit of leg cramping and a sore back every once in a while,” he answered. “We’ve started talking about names.”

“Ah si? What names did you like?”

“We’ve thrown a few around, haven’t really settled on one just yet,” he replied. “We’re gonna have a list people can see at the reveal party.”

“Si, I got the invitation. No te preocupes, I’ll be there. Oye, I’d like to bring Gladys, is that alright?” she asked.

He smiled at her and nodded. “Yeah, of course that’s alright. We’d love to have her there.”

The waitress came over and Rafael ordered a fresh coffee after Lucia had ordered one for herself. A comfortable silence settled between them as they waited for their drinks. When they got their beverages, Lucia stirred some creamer into her coffee and added sugar.

“Have you talked to your sister?” she asked carefully.

“No,” he answered, taking a sip from his fresh cup. “And she hasn’t reached out either.”

“You two need to talk this out, Mijo.”

“She’s the one that doesn’t want to talk to me and beyond that, mami, I’m tired of her loyalty coming with conditions. I’m always the one trying to mend fences with her. So this time, she can reach out to me with the olive branch,” he answered.

“Mijo, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. We've all said something we don't mean once in a while.”

“I’m not gonna talk about this,” he replied. “What happened to make her so angry was a mistake and she treated it like I purposely did something to hurt Lily. And then she betrayed my trust because she was angry. I can’t keep forgiving her for the same thing over and over and then pretend like it never happened.”

Lucia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Si, okay.”

“Mami where we go?” NJ asked as you buckled him into the car seat next to his sister the following day.

“We're going to the arcade, my love. You'll like it.” You nodded to Fiona who loved to help buckle the seatbelt. “We are going to have a great time at the arcade as soon as papi--oh there he is,” you smiled as Nevada stepped out onto the street from the apartment building with Lily who needed a last minute bathroom emergency.

Lily ran to the car, smiling. “Mami, can I have a hundred dollars?”

“What do I look like, an ATM?” you teased, ruffling your daughter’s hair as she climbed into the SUV. “Buckle up, okay?”

“Okay,” she replied. “Are we gonna go out to eat after?”

“Yeah, if you want,” you answered.

Nevada got into the driver’s seat and turned the ignition. “You don’t think the twins are too little for the arcade?”

“Probably, but they’ll get a kick out of the skeeball machines,” you replied, settling in the passenger’s seat.

Fiona pointed to Lily until the older girl buckled her seatbelt. Then she pointed to Nevada. “Papi, buckle,” she insisted.

You grinned as you buckled your own seatbelt. “My very own seatbelt police officer,” you said. “Alright, everyone ready?”

“No,” the twins echoed together. Nevada chuckled under his breath as he turned on the car and drove three blocks down, where he turned the corner and pulled up to the arcade.

“That was a short ride,” Lily observed. “Why didn’t we walk?”

“Cause your mother doesn’t like to sweat after she fixes her hair,” Nevada answered with a smirk. “She’s too pretty to sweat.” He got out of the SUV and opened Lily’s door, keeping his eye on the road to be sure there were no approaching cars. “Dale, get on the sidewalk.”

She hopped out, you and the twins all following suit. “Alright, now hold Lily's hand,” you instructed the twins.

As the five of you walked into the arcade, Nevada pulled out his phone to check his messages. Captain Asshole should have already served his warrant at the club and considering that none of their gun haul would be there, Nevada was anxious to know whether the new Captain would have a next move. More importantly, he wanted to know what that next move would be. Being on parole, the last this he needed was to get pinched on illegal gun possession.

“What do we do now?” Lily asked, eying all of the games, most of which were too tall for her to reach.

“Now we start off with skeeball. Think you and the twins can beat mami and papi?” you asked with a smirk.

The twins both looked at the machine.

“Mami what do?” NJ asked as he pointed to the machine.

You knelt down, putting coins into the machine as you heard the familiar clunk of the balls dropping into the dispenser. You grabbed one and rolled it up into the 100 points hold. “You roll it into the holes, papi,” you said and handed each of them a ball. Fiona rolled it up into the 10 point mark. Smiling at you for reassurance as you nodded. “Ay que bueno, mami!” You kissed her cheek.

NJ threw a ball overhand and hit the plastic cover, earning a laugh from Nevada as he stood to the side, before continuing to look through his phone.

“Me next,” Lily said, tossing a ball that didn’t quite make it all the way up to the slots, rolling back down towards her.

“You bad,” Fiona said, tossing another ball and also missing the marks.

“Well you suck,” Lily replied with a grin.

“Lily we don't say suck,” you said as you moved to put a quarter in your own machine. You tossed a ball, missing, purposely for the kid’s benefit.

“I do,” Lily giggled.

Fiona and NJ sat down with another ball and rolled it back and forth to each other instead of playing the machine while Lily continued to try and make points.

You smiled watching the twins before moving back to Nevada. “Wanna give it a go, papi?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Nevada sent another text to Chibby as he held his hand out for a ball. You put one in his hand and he stepped up to the machine, looking up from his phone long enough to see where the slots were before he turned his eyes back to his screen and tossed the ball. Despite his attention being elsewhere, he sank the ball into the 100 points slot as he stepped away again.

“This fucker’s not gonna stop,” he mused, shaking his head. “He’s gonna stay on our asses till he gets something to stick, I know it.”

“You sure you can’t pay him off?” you offered, genuinely trying to help.

“You don’t think I already tried? This fucker’s got something to prove,” he replied. “He’s one of the honest ones.”

“I wish I knew how to help,” you said sympathetically and rubbed his back. “What's the next step then? Have him removed?”

“What are you nuts? That’ll bring way too much heat,” Nevada replied. “We just gotta keep dodging him until he gets bored with us and hope he doesn’t get one of his buddies in City Hall to do him a favor and shut us down just for shits.”

You nodded. “Any luck finding the senator?”

“No, that’s another one that’s a pain in my ass,” he replied, sighing heavily.

You nodded, kissing his cheek. “It'll work out,” you said.

“Maybe,” he mumbled.

“Anything I can do?” you offered as you threw a skeeball up to the 100 mark before turning back to him with a smirk. This reminded you of your first date together.

“No, stay out of it. Both of us getting pinched won’t do these three any good,” he replied softly, shaking his head. “You’re not in my crew, just stay out it.”

You frowned. “I was just trying to help, I didn't mean with anything illegal,” you murmured before turning and moving back over to the kids.

“What exactly were you gonna do to help that’s not illegal? Tell me.”

“Nevada, I don't want to fight, I was trying to be supportive,” you replied.

“Do me a favor, be supportive some other way. You don’t wanna know all this shit that I do,” he said. “And I’m not trying to fight either, stop trying to make me look like I’m treating you shitty. I’m just talking to you.”

You just sighed, kneeling down to play with Lily.

“Unbelievable,” Nevada mumbled to himself as he called Chibby.

“This is Chibby.”

“Oye, tell me when the pigs are outta the barn, si? And do me a favor, get in touch with Reyes and see if he knows what this guy’s next move is,” Nevada said.

“Chibby is on it, young Jefe.”

Nevada hung up and looked down at the twins. “Oye, you guys want some candy?”

You picked up the twins, who were cheering for candy as Lily ran right to the concession stand on her own.

“We gotta tell these kids the story of La Llorona. They run off by themselves all the time. What the hell is wrong with them?” Nevada said before calling out to Lily. “Oye! Get back here! You don’t run away from mami and papi, me entiendes?”

Lily came back with a roll of her eyes. “Papi, you can see me.”

“It doesn’t matter. It only takes a second for something to happen. I don’t care that we can see you, you don’t step away from us. And roll your eyes at me again, mira ver,” he answered.

She nodded as she came back to where you guys were still standing. “Lo siento, papi.”

“Alright. Come on, let’s go get some candy,” he replied, putting a hand on her shoulder as the five of you walked to the cantine.

[senseisyfr]

A Fighter Never Shows Feelings 2

Last part. 

A few hours later in Shibuya’s apartment……………………

Shibuya just woke up after a nap.

Shibuya : Gosh… what time is it..?? Aaaah soon it’ll be time to eat… Choukokuuu… Choukoku ???!!! DON’T TELL ME THAT SHE HASN’T COME BACK YET ????!!!! IS SHE SERIOUS OR WHAT !!!!!!! Wait… wait a bit you idiot… (calling Choukoku, leaving a message) CHOUKOKU !!!!!! ONCE AGAIN YOU’RE NOT HERE, YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU’D BE HOME BUT I’M ALONE !!!!! WHERE’S THE FUCKIN FOOD, GIRL I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COOK SO HURRY !!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!

While Shibuya looked at the window watching people in the streets, Choukoku was at Nezumi’s house.

Choukoku : Can’t you punch like that ??

Nezumi : Hey, I’m not a martial artist girl ! I tried my best okay !!

Choukoku : Hahaha ! But you’re a yankii, if you punch like a barbie girl it’ll become a problem if business guys start to beat you up.

Nezumi : (laughing) I have lawyers. Well, to be honest it’s been a long time that I haven’t practiced…

Choukoku : Yeah I can tell ! But how is it ?!

Nezumi : (removing Choukoku’s gloves) Well, I’m better at kicking.

Choukoku : Haha, come on ! Seriously you should practice at least every 4 days it’ll help you.

Nezumi : Hm. Not sure that I’ll have time with Center and everything.

Choukoku : How’s she doing ?

Nezumi : Oh you know her, always busy with her fishes.

Choukoku : Fishes ? Ah, Aquarium you mean !

Nezumi : Yep. (Looking at Choukoku’s phone on the table) Your phone…

Choukoku : Ah, it must be Shibuya. SHIT I PROMISED HER THAT I’LL BE BACK ! SHE’S GONNA KILL ME !

Nezumi : Hahaha ! Well, tell her that you’re at my house. She can come if she wants…

Choukoku : Actually I should have bought some food cause we don’t have anything left in the fridge..

Nezumi : Well, another reason for her to come here !

Choukoku : (listening the message left by Shibuya on her voicemail) Give up, she left to eat something in a fast food…

Nezumi : Ok. Ah, sorry, mine is ringing ! (Picking up) Yes baby. Yes. Yes. No I’m with Choukoku. Yeah ok. Hm. Hm. Hm. Don’t worry a car crushed me but I’m alive, noooo just kiddin haha ! That was a joke ! (Choukoku raising an eyebrow) Ok, I’ll tell her.

Choukoku : Why you said that a car crushed you ??!! You’re not right in the head !!

Nezumi : I like to make her worrying sometimes, it excites me…

Choukoku : Eh ??!!

Nezumi : When you spice things up a little it’s always cool.

Choukoku : We don’t make jokes with things like that, come on !! Jesus… both of you are really space you know.

Nezumi : Hehe. (2nd phone ringing, then 3rd until the 10th !)

Choukoku : (shocked) Girl just how many phones you got ????

Nezumi : Oh, it’s nothing. Normally I used to have 20 of them before but since I’m with Center I had to reduce the numbers… Probably all my exes who are calling me so…

Choukoku : EH ???!!!

Nezumi : (smiling) Just kiddin, it’s just professional calls… but they can go fuck themselves, I’m tired.

Choukoku : How are things going by the way ?

Nezumi : Oh, you know how it works in the world of drugs…

Choukoku : Hm. Financial crisis doesn’t exist there…

Nezumi : Yep. Ah, you want some champagne ?

Choukoku : Seriously, girl what’s your thing with champagne ?! Everytime you always ask people to drink champagne !

Nezumi : Because life is a celebration, dear… (taking a bottle of champagne) You know, I’m not drinking it all the time it’s just that I use it with Center. Like a long time ago with Sakura, Center and me I think 3 or 5 bottles were used.

Choukoku : (lost) Eh ??!! With Sakura ??

Nezumi : Long story. Anyway… here, drink.

Choukoku : Thanks. (Drinking) *Yawn*

Nezumi : You’re already tired ?? You’re training too much !

Choukoku : Sorry…

Nezumi : You can rest on the couch if you want ! Don’t ask for something like this…

Choukoku : Thank you… (going to the couch) Damn I’m exhausted…

Nezumi : (joining her) I have an energy drink if you want.

Choukoku : No no, I won’t be able to sleep after !

Nezumi : Tell me… what do you like so much in Shibuya’s personality ?

Choukoku : She’s mature… she experienced a lot of things in life… she’s kind… Well, it’s complicated there’s a lot of reasons… she’s sexy too.

Nezumi : Hm. Well, kind of same with Center we all have our reasons.

Choukoku : Yeah… Sorry I’m gonna go… I’m really tired.

Nezumi : It’d be better if you stay just a little bit… (taking Choukoku’s arm and pulling her closer)

Choukoku : Nezumi..??!!

Nezumi : Shh…. I want you to stay just a little longer…. (touching Choukoku’s right thigh, this one feeling very uncomfortable)

Choukoku : No..!! I have to go, you’re drunk..!

Nezumi : I’m used to champagne… so I can’t be drunk. But… tell me… I can feel that you’re crying out of love inside…. (kissing Choukoku’s neck)

Choukoku : (more and more uncomfortable) Ah… aah..!!

Nezumi : Mmm…. Shibuya is not giving you the love that you deserves…. How long…. How long….?

Choukoku : (tears starting to come) I’m sorry, I can’t do that..!!!

Nezumi : Looks like I got a point…. When you haven’t been touched since a long time, you know…. (bitting Choukoku’s ear) Every touch makes you vulnerable and nervous…. just like you are right now….

Choukoku : Aah..!! GGG..!!! S..Stop !!

Nezumi : You’re trying to resist outside…. but inside you’re desperate…. You’re waiting for someone to unleash the dog that you are, barking for love…. (kissing Choukoku’s chick) But… even if you are with someone and that you don’t want to betray her because she’s not giving you what you need to have…. you can’t resist to what you feel…. (taking Choukoku’s hand, suckin the middle finger) cause needs are uncontrolable…. and are to be feed…. (starting to remove Choukoku’s sweat) though you’re already in love with another one…. It’s hard to resist to needs….

Choukoku : N..Nezumi..!! I can’t..!!!

Nezumi : As I said…. You’re torn between reason and feelings…. but it’s okay, Choukoku…. sometimes it’s ok to be helped…. I just want to help you, only for today…. it’s just service…. come on…. (kissing her lips) just let yourself go….

Choukoku : (breathing heavily) Aahhh…! I… can’t… Please !! (Kissing wildly Nezumi back)

Both of the girls were quickly naked and Choukoku was actually the one who was leading, Nezumi preferring to let her do it.

Nezumi : (eyes closed) Yeaahhh…. here, babyy…! Just right here…. Aahhh…. (kissing) Oohhh yeahh that’s iit…. that’s goood..!!

Choukoku : I want…. you….! I’m…. (kissing Nezumi’s belly before kissing her tits) You’re so…. gorgeous…. Aahhh…. Nezumii….

Nezumi : You’re ready…. it’s a bit early…. I guess you haven’t gotten laid since 2 months…. or more…. mmm…. (kissing, putting 2 fingers inside Choukoku)

Choukoku : Not noow….!! I… I… want… to last… a… aaaahhhhh ooooohhhhhh !!! Yeess aaahhhh !!!! Fasteerrrr….!! AAAAAHHHHHH..!!!!! OOHHH YES..!!! SO GOOD..!!!

Shibuya was calling Choukoku again while Choukoku was slowly losing control. Nezumi noticed Choukoku’s phone and smirked, touching the screen.

Shibuya was now hearing them. Nezumi asking Choukoku to go deeper, even made her said that Nezumi was better than Shibuya.

Shibuya couldn’t believe it. She hung up, shocked.

Shibuya : (about to cry) No way..!! Choukoku… how could you… (getting seriously mad) HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO MEE ????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKIN DIRTY LITTLE BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WITH THIS… THIS RAT !!!!!!!! GGGG..!!!!!!!

A few moments later, Nezumi and Choukoku were done. Choukoku kissed Nezumi’s lips, it was like she was born again, re-experiencing these feelings that she had lost more than 2 months ago before. Nezumi bit Choukoku’s tongue.

Nezumi : So…. how was it to feel loved again…?

Choukoku : (smiling) Thank you…. (kissing)

Nezumi : You’re welcome…. It’s always a pleasure to help a friend…. you got a lot of energy for a sportive girl like you it’s not surprising….

Choukoku : Yeah…. Thank you for everything…. I’m gonna go now…. Shibuya must be waiting… (checking her phone) Wait..!!!

Nezumi : (acting all innocent) What’s wrong ??

Choukoku : She… She… She heard us on the phone !!! How is that possible I didn’t pick up..!!!! She said she’s going to..no !!!!! (Suddenly rushed outside Nezumi’s house)

Nezumi : CHOUKOKU ????!!!! HEY WAIT !!!!! (Laughing, clapping) Hehehehee !! Haaahahahaha !!!! That’s how it is baby. When you want to reach for your dreams and wish to be successful, there’s one rule to apply : Never trust your own friends ! Never tell them that you’re facing problems, never accept to be helped, cause in misfortune, friends can take advantage of you. In misery, you’re all alone. Never forget that. You have to sort yourself out, hahaha !! Now… let’s see what this asshole is gonna do. CHOUKOKUUU, WAIT FOR MEEE !!!!!

Few minutes later, Choukoku was almost at Shibuya’s apartment but she stopped when she saw her at the edge.

Some people noticed Shibuya but seemed not to care about the situation or didn’t want to be involved, every man for himself and God for all.

Choukoku : SHIBUYA !!!

Shibuya : YOU…!!! FUCKIN SLUT !!!!!!!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME !!!!!!!! DON’T APPROACH !!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : (arrived) Shibuya !! Wow, hey girl how you doing ?

Shibuya : YOU FUCKIN RAT !!!!!!!!!!! I’M SURE YOU’RE BEHIND ALL OF THIS !!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : Jeeez, what have I done again ?!

Shibuya : YOU PLANNED ALL THIS !!!!!!!!

Choukoku : Baby, come on it’s nonsense, please get down off that roof !!

Shibuya : YOU !!!!!!!! SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU’RE THE WORST BITCH THAT I EVER MET IN THIS FUCKIN LIFE !!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME LIKE THAT ?????!!!!! I TRUSTED YOU BUT YOU JUST LIED TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW NOW WHERE YOU’RE SPENDING YOUR TRAINING !!!!!!!!! YOU MOTHERFUCKER !!!!!!!!!!!

Choukoku : (desperate, nearly crying) Baby, I’m so sorryy..!!! I’m so sorry please forgive me, please forgive me !!!!! I..I know I made a big mistake..!!! It was for money, just today…!! Nezumi wants to help me, opening my own training centre..!!! She’s ready to give me money, with that money we could have a better life you and me !!!!

Shibuya : (clapping) WOAH !! AND LET ME GUESS, IN ORDER TO HELP YOU SHE HAS TO FUCK YOU TOO ???!!! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SUMMARYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!

Choukoku : This is not her fault..!!!! It’s entirely mine, I shouldn’t have kissed her !!!! I..I was just trying to…

Shibuya : TRYING TO WHAT, HUH ????!!!! TO HURT MY FEELINGS, THAT’S WHAT YOU WANNA SAY ?????!!!!! YOU AND ME WERE TOGETHER !!!!!!!!! TOGETHER, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT GODDAMMIT ????!!!!

Choukoku : I.. Since a few months… you and me don’t have any sexual relationship..!!!! Nothing !!!! It’s hard, you can understand it !!!! Everytime when I get home, you’re always mad at me, whatever the situation is !!!! Actually I.. Actually I…!!! I can’t stand it anymore, you understand ???!!! I’m tired !!!!! I’m..(crying) I’m lost, because I love you !!!!! I don’t want to lose you !!!!!!!

Shibuya : SHUT UP, FUCKER !!!!!!!!!! YOU WENT TO BANG THIS CUNT IN HER HOUSE AT YOUR OWN CONSENT !!!!!!! DON’T YOU THINK I DIDN’T HEAR THE BOTH OF YOU ????!!!! YOU SEEMED TO REALLY ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH THIS BITCH !!!!!!! YOU… YOU EVEN SAID THAT HAVING SEX WITH HER WAS BETTER, THAT SHE WAS EVEN BETTER THAN ME !!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : Of course, number one in Japan, Nezumi-san.

Shibuya : YOU, SHUT YOUR FUCKIN DIRTY MOUTH FUCKIN RAT !!!!!!!!! YOU GOT CENTER, DON’T YOU HAVE SHAME ?????!!!!! STEALING OTHER PEOPLE PROPERTY !!!!!!!!!!! YOU CUNT !!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : Shibuya, please. All of this is just a misunderstanding…  I just wanted to help Choukoku as a friend after hearing her story with you, cause in your everyday life, it’s quite depressing.

Shibuya : OUR PROBLEMS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : When a friend needs help, you help. If you can’t give what she needs, what she wants, of course she’s gonna see somewhere else. That’s the basics of love. And honestly, people are not going to wait centuries that their partner is finally ready to eat the peach. But here again, she loves you, and this service was exceptional. You’re so careless girl, if you don’t attach your dog other people can take him.

Shibuya : YOU’RE JUST A FUCKIN WHOOOORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ready to jump) I HAVE ENOUGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Choukoku : BABY NO, DON’T DO THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE, YOU KNOW IT !!!!!!!!!! I’M READY TO HELP YOU, I’M..!!!!

Shibuya : (taking a small bottle of whiskey, starts to drink) YOU CAN’T HELP ME ANYMORE AND I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Choukoku : Please, stop it !!!!!!! I don’t want to lose you !!!!!!!

Shibuya : (throwing the bottle at Choukoku who avoided it) SHUT UP I SAID !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU BETRAYED ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (taking some of Choukoku’s stuff and throwing it, burning it) RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Choukoku : STOP IIIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Shibuya : (taking the washing machine and other apartment’s equipment, kicking it, throwing at Choukoku and Nezumi) I WANT YOU TO DIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M MAD, I’M MAAAAAAAAAAAAAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : (who like Choukoku, narrowly avoided all the stuff) Hey girl, if you wanna die, die alone don’t involve us !! 

Shibuya : CHOUKOKU… I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU…!!!! (taking some pills and drugs, shaking) BUT… IT WAS A LIIIIIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, NOW YOU’LL HAVE A DEATH ON YOUR CONSCIENCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Choukoku : NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP, SHIBUYA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : Well, I don’t remember that Shakespeare told Juliet to commit suicide because Romeo cheated on her… Wait, ah no these two were a perfect couple. Hm, if you’re trying to imitate Macbeth, girl you’ll become number one, you’ll be as famous as AKB48.

Shibuya : SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : Ah, jump then. 

Choukoku : NEZUMI !!!!!!

Nezumi : You wanna jump, okay that’s your choice, stop doing your cinema, jump ! If you think that by killing yourself everything will be solved and that you’ll have a better life in the afterlife then go ahead girl ! Don’t fuckin bother us ! 

Shibuya : I… I WANT…!!!

Nezumi : Making other people suffering, wasting your own life like that, tss pathetic. What a poor loser ! Never seen someone so fuckin stupid, weak and everything else… 

Choukoku : NEZUMI, SHUT UP !!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING ????!!!!

Nezumi : Actually you know what, Shibuya ? You make me laugh, hear that HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA !! Yeah, I’m laughing at your face cause you’re the biggest idiot on this planet !

Shibuya : DON’T INSULT ME YOU FUCKIN RAT !!!!!!!! I’M GONNA KILL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : People are so funny nowadays, aren’t they ?? At the first sign of a difficulty they kill themselves, thank God everyone is not like you cause nobody would exist in this world anymore ! Instead of fighting, losers prefer to act like weaklings… IT’S OKAY TO BE DOWN IN YOUR LIFE, EVERYBODY HAVE PROBLEMS, IT’S A COMMON THING, BUT NO IT’S NOT OKAY TO KILL YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE PROBLEMS !!!!!! ACTING SELFISHLY LIKE YOU’RE DOING PROVES THAT YOU’RE NOT A YANKII !!!!!! YANKIIS DON’T KILL THEMSELVES LIKE THAT, THEY FIGHT EVERYDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU’RE NOT STRONG, YOU’RE WEAK !!!!!!!

Shibuya : SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi :  AND AFTER A GIRL LIKE YOU CALLS HERSELF STRONG ?????!!!!! COME OON, DON’T FUCKIN MAKE ME LAUGH !!!!! BUT GIRL, ONCE IN HEAVEN YOU WON’T COME BACK HERE, YOU KNOW THAT ????!!!! WHAT DO YOU PREFER, HUH ???!!! PROVING TO PEOPLE WHO ARE LAUGHING AT YOUR FACE THAT YOU CAN DO IT, WHATEVER THE DIFFICULTIES YOU’RE GOING THROUGH OR YOU PREFER TO ACT LIKE A COWARD AND BEING ANOTHER ANONYMOUS BITCH WHO WENT CRAZY AND BECAUSE SHE’S HAS DIFFICULTIES SHE WANTS TO GIVE UP BY KILLING HERSELF SHAMELESSLY ?????!!!!! YOU’RE NOT A TRUE RAPPAPPA, YOU’RE JUST A TRASH, A CRYBABY !!!!!! 

Choukoku looked at Nezumi, shocked, but like everyone can understand, she knew what Nezumi was trying to do, what message she was sending. Choukoku looked at Shibuya, worried. The Rappappa Queen reacted to Nezumi’s words and started to cry.

Shibuya : Noo..!!!! No…

Nezumi : (talking to Choukoku) If you wanna play Superwoman, girl, this is now ! We won’t hold out forever…

Choukoku immediately climbed the building. Shibuya was on the 13th floor.

Shibuya : Choukoku..????!!!!

Nezumi : Girl I didn’t tell you to be Spiderman !!!! You’re crazy or what, you’re gonna kill yourself !!! Don’t you think that there’s not enough drama as it is ???!!! Damn, take the stairs !!!! 

Shibuya : CHOUKOKU STOP, YOU’LL FALL !!!!!!

Choukoku : I DON’T CARE IF IT’S TO SAVE YOU !!!! YOU’RE WORTH IT..!!!!

Shibuya : Choukoku…

Nezumi : Okayy soo… is it going to be a tragedy or comedy… I think I should call 119 cause 2 deaths on my conscience will be too much for me, I don’t want to go to jail. Won’t be good for my business… 

Choukoku : I love you Shibuya, and we’re together in this, I’ll never let you down, never !!!!

Shibuya : Choukoku..!!! I love you too !!! Be careful !!! I..AAAAAH !!!!!!!!! (Shibuya was falling)

Choukoku : SHIBUYAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nezumi : JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH, HOLY FUCKIN SHIT !!! NOT NOW !! Where are my headphones… hm ah !! (listening to music, catholic one that prayers sing in churches) *HAAALLELUJAH ! HALLELUJAH ! HALLELUJAH !* Whoah, she looks like the Angel Gabriel !! Strech your arms out a little ! (now quietly praying, eyes closed, while listening to the song) Please fuckin God save this poor bitch, I know she’s not a pure one but man, you know everyone’s not perfect. (Choukoku was falling too) Please, save both of them or I’ll be sent in jail !! Move your ass Goddamnit !!! AMEN !!!!

Choukoku and Shibuya fell in a big swimming pool placed by firemen. Both of them were alive.

Choukoku : Shibuya..!! (kissing her) 

Shibuya : Choukokuu… (kissing her back)

Nezumi : Holy hell. Aah thanks God ! Happy ending… 

Choukoku and Shibuya kept kissing but firemen and some witnesses were angry, saying that it wasn’t the right place to make love.

Nezumi : Well… it’s true that they can take a room but you people, have no idea of everything we’ve been through tonight ! So you better shut up and get the fuck out of here, useless citizens !! (talking to firemen, telling them to leave the 2 girls alone, giving to the men money)

Shibuya : I love you….  I’m sorry for everything…. (kiss) Tell me…. how long you’re gonna last now….

Choukoku : (smiling, kissing) Dunno…. tell me…. I love you too…. I’ll impress you….

End of the story. I wanted to have one focused on Choukoku and Shibuya, facing once again difficulties, serious problems in life. I hope you liked it guys. Thank you for reading !

[burndownthehousetonight]

(You ever have a massive twist in an RP come right the hell out of nowhere and even surprise you?

Cause this was one I wasn’t even expecting.)

Saying California had been disappointing would be an understatement. The new van was nice, sure. The tiny, crappy place they'd bought in the city with their bank heist money was getting more comfortable for them, yeah. They were playing more shows than in the UK, absolutely. But it wasn't the prosperous land they had promised themselves. It was still dirty, still violent. Still a crappy city, just a new crappy city. One strange grace was that it was more normal for punks to crash anywhere they could. For someone as social as Manic, it was always fun to see who would show up in their pretty much open-to-the-public basement each day. "Hey, man," Manic greeted one member of Scourge's new crew, a lynx. "Lightning lynx," he had embroidered into his jacket, but not many people called him that other than himself. "You wanna light up with Oxi again? He'll be back soon." Manic walked towards the hungover creature, examining his shoulder. "Your arm feeling less fucked after that street fight?" Oxide walked in with ex singer of black flag, both with 2 six packs of beer each. "Hey guys!" Oxide smiled, walking in with the other orange hedgehog as they set down their liquid spirit onto the table. "Hey guys..." Keith said in a more nasally voice than Oxide. "Yoooo!" Manic greeted them. The familiar Lynx lit up on seeing Oxide enter, as well as yet another familiar face. Manic greeted Oxide by smooching him on the cheek and immediately taking one of the six packs away from Oxide. "So where's your accent from?" The lynx asked. He reached into his pocket, pulling out the small pipe he once used shamefully around the group. Oxide smirked as he pulled out a bag of pot. "Be right back." Oxi then left for the back room. Keith cracked open a can and opened a bag of cocaine. "Hey, when's your guys next show?" He asked Manic in between sips of beer and lines of cocaine. Manic let them do what they wanted. Even if the worst thing he did was smoke, he wasn't going to judge anyone anymore. He knew he was pretty square. "Like tomorrow, I think. Maybe the day after...? I't gonna be in that bar by grey beach. You know, that tiny beach that's pretty much just sharp rocks and some rotted dock?" Manic shrugged. "Jason's down there right now, I think. Oxide'd probably know, anyways." There was a beat. "Oxi, when's that show again?" He shouted through the open door. "I think it's tomorrow! And also change of venue, we're playing at the Cuckoo's nest!" He yelled back from the other room, packing the pipe full of the devil's grass. Oxide was loving this place, way better than Manchester and only half the population were total squares. When Oxide walked in, Manic feigned shock at seeing how stuffed the pipe was. "Is that a mari-ju-wana? In MY good Christian home?!" He said, hamming up every syllable and unable to keep himself from smirking at the end of it. The lynx just laughed and watched jealously, hoping for a little taste of whatever strain Oxide had gotten his hands on this time. Oxide passed the pipe to the Lynx, leaning back against the wall as The Dead Kennedys first single played through the stereo. "Shut up mom! I'll do what I want, I'm 19!" Oxi laughed, bringing the volume of the music up a bit, trying to drown out the voice of Manic like the rebellious now-adult he was. Manic leaned up against Oxide and smiled, pulling out a cigarette. Even if it wasn't any kind of drugs, no one really called him out on it. Besides, it was his own way of letting off steam, just because it wasn't illegal didn't mean it wasn't his own kind of fun. "Man, dude, you won't believe what I found in the stuff we brought." His grin said that whatever he was going to say, Oxide was about to hate it. "I found the sheet music from one of those first songs we wrote." "Dude, I still remember all the lyrics and tab for all our songs man." Oxide smiled as he was passed the pipe, taking a hit from it before passing it back to the Lynx. "So what's this guys name again?" Oxide asked, pointing to the lynx. The lynx smugly looked up and pointed at his jacket, with 'Lighting Lynx' embroidered into it with surprisingly fine stitchwork, given he was a member of Scourge's new crew. "I was wondering, too." Manic said, looking at the companion. "Like, your REAL name?" He took a long hit to avoid answering. Manic mocked a pout and leaned back. "Am I gonna have to ask Scourge for your real name?" "You couldn't pronounce it," he finally said in that indiscernible accent of his. Given that he regularly slept in their basement, they probably should have known by that point. "Fine, your new name is Cockring~" Oxide snickered, teasing him into tell his real name as he kinda wanted to know. "Hey guys, found out there's a show at the the Cafe de grant! This band called Flipper is playing." Keith said as he poked his head through the doorway to the back room. "Also, another band called Caustic cause is playing as well." He added before disappearing. "Caustic?" The lynx said, sitting up from his relaxed pose. "Gotta get down there, love that junk. Sell me something before I go?" "He can sell you something... if you tell us your new name, buddy." Manic teased, his mischevious grin squished and intentionally silly. The lynx didn't seem phased. He actually seemed amused by their insistence. His voice was low and quiet as he pronounced, "最終的な雷." Manic looked up in total surprise. "What," he said, voice sounding an octave higher. "最終的な雷," he reiterated. "I told you my name, now sell me some pot," he demanded. ".....Man I KNEW that Japanese course wouldn't do shit for me!" Oxi laughed. "Sell yah 5 grams for 20$," Oxide said, holding up one of the bags. "Oh, and I heard after our show, the day after, there's a band called Husker Du playing in Hollywood," Oxide announced. That's how their new life in California was. There was a lot more music, of course, and Manic definitely enjoyed it. He couldn't put his finder on what, but there was something horribly wrong with it all, something that wasn't there back in the UK. And something they were going to get more insight into at their next show. "Looks like an alright crowd." Manic judged the size of the crowd from by the makeshift stage in the makeshift club. "Doesn't look like anyone's too strung out on anything this time, either." "Unless Oxi's taking something he ain't sharing~" Scourge teased, tussling Oxide's hair. It wasn't makeshift, it was just that poorly set up. The club has begun to rely solely on punk bands to help keep it running. Even though they advertised as all ages, they still sold alcohol and you rarely ever needed ID to get the stuff. First up was Flipper. Seems like this may be their first show as they were playing pretty sloppily. And for a punk band, they were slow as all hell, they weren't playing anything fancy, it was as of they were taunting the crowd since a lot of the punks expected something fast. Bit while the band was built around a specific culture this music didn't seem to fit into perfectly, Manic wasn't a stubborn guy. In fact, he could find ways to enjoy most forms of music, slow or fast, and this band just added another flavor to his palette. The crowd didn't necessarily agree, with reactions from the crowd being mixed. A few silently crept to the back of the room, a few seemed intrigued in spite of the sloppy performance. "Told you we could try something a little slower." Manic made his smug face and poked Oxide's side. "What is this crap?" Someone could be heard saying from the back of the room immediately after. Manic said nothing. In fact, the band seemed to say nothing, too. That was the usual reaction for most punk bands. Second band up was Husker Du. And they could actually play. The bassist finger picked, the drummer sang and the guitarist could do some pretty cool solos up and down the scales. There was a mosh pit down by the stage, so Oxi grabbed Manics hand and began to pull him into the pit. Moshing was still pretty young, but there was at least a vague hint of concern for the people around them. Vaguely. Sometimes. Not EVERYONE was flailing their arms around wildly, and even if Manic and Oxide were getting elbowed or slapped constantly, it wasn't like it was anywhere near the worst they'd felt. Manic was happy bobbing to the rhythm and watching the performers's styles from the sidelines, but he was still open to the moshing. Even if they had to slip out the second their set was done. "Alright, let's see how quick we can get our crap on stage!" Manic said, tugging the orange hedgehog out of the pit the moment the last notes had finished. "Dude, we aren't playing today, we're playing tomorrow." Oxide reminded Manic, had Manic gotten into Oxides stash of marijuana? Cause he doesn't forget like that often. Yah sure, Manic at times could be a bit of a derp, but this was kinda odd. "No? We're playing today, remember?" Manic said, turning towards Scourge, who was watching the two tug at each other from the sidelines. "Are you fucked up now?" Scourge asked pretty bluntly. "He's right." Manic looked at the stage, and the other set that was starting to prepare on stage. "I... I thought we were playing today?" This was the first time Oxide would notice the bags under Manic's eyes, and how his blinks looked heavier than usual. "Dude, have you not been sleeping?!" Oxide asked, getting up in Manics face about it. Oxide didn't like this, had all the years of drinking since age 15 finally caught up to him? Is something damaging his brain? "Dude, we gotta leave, and you gotta fuckin' sleep." Manic started stumbling. He was good at faking energy, no one could deny that. "No! No, I'm just-" He was lying through his teeth, and they both knew it. So he let himself get dragged out of the pit. "Look, don't drag me home cause I made dumb choices, alright?" He patted Oxide's shoulders and smiled at him. "I'll get home and zonk out just for you, dude. You go have some fun, I don't need you to tuck me in or nothing." "Hey, I may want you to sleep but I also wanna fuck you too~" He smirked, his lips inches away from Manics as he gave a low growl. "Maybe Scourge can join in too~" Even that had gotten less frequent. Slightly, but Manic didn't seem to sleep with them as much as they used to. "Hmm, do you want me to get better or do you wanna pork me?" He teased, leaning closer to make him a little more tense. "Or are you just trying to make me too tired to move?" "A little bit of everything, I want you to sleep, so that way I can screw you~" Oxi explained, finally planting his lips onto Manics, before pulling away and kissing Scourge. "Fine... Fine, why don't we blow this place?" Manic said, motioning for the other band setting up. "Jason and Napes can head home whenever they want, I just need you guys." Manic did try to sleep. Did spending time with his lovers help, did it give him familiar figures to cling to and did they leave him exhausted? Absolutely. But he still wasn't sleeping right that night, even with the warm purrs from them both and Oxide's sleepy grabs. He would sit up in the middle of the night, maybe walked about a bit. He just couldn't sleep, no matter what he did. As much as he lazed around normally, it wasn't coming easily to him for once. But if he wasn't sleeping, at least he had a boyfriend and a husband to keep him company. When Oxide would wake up, Manic was sleeping again, with his head on his orange fur. For once, his sleep didn't seem dopey or silly, but somehow peaceful. As peaceful as he could look, anyways. Oxide didn't move, he just laid there and let his gay af husband lay his head on his chest. Though he kinda did wanna move as his bladder was about to burst from drinking two six packs the night before and not peeing once. That moment Manic finally rolled off of him and started to wake up was like a godsend for his poor bladder. Scourge wasn't as clingy in his sleep, finally giving him a good chance to escape. "Hey, dude," Manic said. The bags were still visible, but maybe it took time for them to go away. "Our show's today, right? Or am I getting all the dates screwed up again?" "Yah, be right back!" Oxi said in a strained voice as he awkwardly ran to the bathroom, being in there for a good few minutes before the splitter splatter sounds stopped and Oxi walked out after washing his hands. He then pressed his foot against Scourge's face. "Hey there faggot~" He chuckled as he rubbed it in his nose. "Heeeh, get offa me," the green lug grumbled at his rude awakening. He grumbled and stumbled his way to consciousness, taking a moment to register the area around him through the thin streams of light filtering through the boarded up windows. Seemed to. He was fully awake at this point, and immediately put his plan into motion by pulling down oxide by his foot and pulling him into a headlock and playful noogie. "Morning, faggo~" Oxi laughed, squirming and worming around as he struggled to get out as he playfully punched him in the gut, all the while in top of Manic. Manic wasn't quite as fiesty as the other two, but they were still having stupid fun, they didn't seem to care too much. Scourge finally let go of Oxide when Manic turned to face the other green hedgehog directly. "You showing up to this place tonight?" "Nah, ain't had a good date with Fi in a while, heading out with her later." He shrugged, not too torn up about missing just one show. "We'll drop you off at the gig and drive off, that good?" "Alright, gonna get some Cocaine from Keith, see yah guys later." Oxi waved before walking out. "And I've find a jacket that doesn't look like ass," Scourge said as he ruffled Manic's quills. "You calm down, your show'll be fucking ace." "I know," Manic said, still happy for the attention. It wasn't what he was REALLY worried about, but that didn't matter at the moment. Scourge was already off to rummage around the car for his spare jacketsm leaving Manic alone to practice his drums. Drumming could energize him, sure, but if he wasn't in front of a crowd, it couldn't make up for a lack of sleep. Oxide actually hung around at Keiths house for a little while, doing Coke and drinking beer as they listened to the demo tapes that would become the group sex LP. "Fuck mate this is really good, so much faster than black flag man." Oxi could hear the intensity that came from the guitar, all down strokes and power chords save the for occasional solo. "Thanks man, I'm quite happy with it." The other orange hedgehog smirked. "I actually took some songs from black flag with me to this new band." Keith explained. Oxide then left, but not before asking for a copy of the demo tapes which Keith handed him some copies. "Spread these around man," He said as he went back to drinking Oxide pushed the door open to the house they were squatting in. "Hey yah fucking Queeros!" Oxi smirked as he walked in with cocaine in his jacket and the demos in his hands. "Heeeey." Manic's enthused response wasn't anywhere near the name energy Oxide came in with. Actually, his mix of fear and exhaustion balanced out into something that looked like boredom. "Just practicing a bit before we head off," Manic said. "Did someone try to arrest you again, or something?" "Nah hung out with Keith, he gave me demos for his new bands first album that they're trying to release." These weren't even demos, more like the finished product. The just had to figure out who was gonna release it. "And that's good that you're practisin' drums, now come on, we gotta get to the Cuckoos Nest to do soundcheck." Oxi smiled, dragging Manic into the van. "Alright, fine, fine! Y'all go get Napes and Jason, I think they're upstairs or something." Even without an amp, they could hear some furious strumming through the thin floors of the building. "I'll go get Scourge and Fiona." Manic almost seemed dazed, but he was moving fast and getting things done, so it didn't seem to matter. Scourge and Fiona immediately took the front seats, even looking a bit less trashy than usual for the sake of their date. Manic flopped down into the back seat, staring at the floor for a few moments as the van was turned on. He didn't want any exhaustion to show through, he had to act strong so Oxide would be happy. At least he knew a hug and a kiss could get Oxide to forget about a lot of things, and abused that knowledge on the whole drive down. On the way, Oxide was blasting the LP through the speakers of the built in cassette player they had in the van. "This awesome, this is fucking awesome! It's so fast yet tight and not sloppy. Unlike us where we play way too fast so we sound like shit." Oxi laughed as he sped down the suburban streets. Doing 80 in a 45 zone. "I dunno if it's THAT good," Manic joked as they sped to their destination. "It doesn't have any cheesy sax solos, what are you supposed to do with that?" It didn't take half as long to get to the club as it should have, as usual. That LP stayed in Manic's mind, not because he liked it. He LOVED it, and that was the worst thing he could have felt for it. It was perfect. Better than he played, MUCH better. How long had they been playing together, and how was this other band so much better than them with presumably the same amount of training? He was still a good drummer. Wasn't he? Oxide wasn't thinking about it too deeply, those members were a little older than Oxides band. Oxi was 20, Manic was 20, and Napalm and Jason were both 17. But age didn't matter to Manic right then. They were in the exact same scene, playing the same kind of music, and doing so better than he could dream of. Jealousy was sinking its claws into Manic's head. All that was fueling him at this point was his exhausted breed of anger towards himself. "Let's get this mess done," Manic growled as they got ready to go on stage. "Hell yah." Oxi smirked as the walked on for soundcheck. They played a couple of songs, and the sound guy asked each member to play their instruments alone. Then he got to Manic. "Can you hit the snare?" "Can you hit the floor tom?" And so on and so forth. Sure, Manic was following directions, but even as he played those basic notes for basic purposes, there was a determination in his eyes. An angry, angsty determination that wouldn't leave his face for a while. He seemed so determined to make this show perfect that there were virtually no signs he was totally exhausted, save for the bags under his eyes. Oxide was looking back to see how Manic was holding up, he still had bags under his eyes but then again, so did the rest of the band. Oxi shrugged and they played soundcheck. Once Soundcheck was over, Oxi went to the bar with his fake ID. It was much different from the UK, where you had to be 16 to get shit faced. Oxi's ID was accepted and he drank till the show started. Manic didn't, however. It seemed he had spoke with the club owner and found a different drum set he could practice on, a spare that was for band that couldn't move their drums. Manic wailed on the drums until the set began, so absorbed into his behind the scenes practice he didn't hear or notice anything for a while. It took a literal shake to break him out of his trance barely a minute before the show. "Wh-huh?" He said, looking around for who shook him. "Dude, you're bands callin' for yah man." The punker in front of him said. "COME ON MANIC! GET YOUR FAGGOT ASS UP HERE!" Oxide yelled on the mic, causing everyone to start cracking up. The band started to play soon after Oxide's little announcement, Manic running up and not seeming one bit tired or ashamed. He could drum for almost a whole day on end if he really wanted, and he was determined to put on a good show, even more so after hearing that tape. Much more so, actually. Just from the beginning of the set, it was clear that Manic was putting much more attention into every note. His normally concentrated drumming was slightly more precise than usual, with Manic mumbling some expletives under his breath if he'd even screw up slightly. He wasn't going to get beaten down by shame, he was going to use it to fuel him to show up that tape, damned if they were years older than him or not. Some of his normal ornamentation was gone in the name of making sure every note was hit in perfect time. The entire band has been getting better and better, but this was pretty intense to see Manic like this. "Fuck, hey Manic! Are you actually getting better?" Oxi asked on the mic, laughing a little. The rest of the crowd began to crack up as well, including Jason and Napalm. Manic smirked. Was he actually pulling something off? Tired, frightened, totally insecure, THIS was when he was getting better? But these emotions started to disappear as his mind was taken over by a bit of smug pride. Yes, he WAS doing good. For those few moments, the fear he'd felt from local stories had totally gone. And this was when he was going to need that fear most of all. The back entrance to the club was slammed open, followed by the front not long after. There was a small gaggle of cops storming the area, eyes piercing the crowd for anything that looked slightly illicit. Punks even near others holding drugs were suddenly rushed and cuffed. In a few moments, carefully built excitement turned into chaos, and their show was going to have to come to an abrupt stop. The band started loading off, staying out of the cops way. But one of them smashed his billy club right into Napalms face, breaking his nose and several of his teeth. His mouth filled with blood as blood started spewing out of his nostrils. Oxide carried Napalm to the van. "Ahh shit." That's when Oxi remembered they didn't have a van. The parking lot was empty, and Scourge and Fiona were off on their date. They had to think quick on what to do with their heavily bleeding partner. Manic was used to the anxiety. He was always nervous, he could handle this, right? But stories upon stories of the local police all culminated into the onslaught he was watching in front of him, and he froze in total fear. He couldn't even move as a club was brought down on his scalp, stumbling back towards Oxide. He looked to him in total fear, knowing if they didn't get out of there immediately, they were getting arrested, or even worse. His vest swung open as he fell, leaving his pocketknife free for the taking. Oxi hid it from the cops sight. He then saw a guy getting into a van. "HEY WAIT!" Oxi yelled, chasing after him. "What?! What is it?" The guy yelled back. "CAN WE LOAD OUR STUFF INTO YOUR VAN?! SOMEONE STOLE OURS!" Oxi lied, but that's the thing that he thought of first. The guy sighed and swung the doors open, there was barely enough room for all the band members, and the other band that was inside along with their gear. But somehow, they got themselves and everything in and managed to get away. "Fuck that was scary...." Oxi was breathing heavily, and Napalm was regaining consciousness, he looked confused as all hell. Inside the van was the band 'Bad religion.' Cramped between the other members of the van and the band equipment, Manic looked dazed. Had that actually happened to them? The blood on his and Napalm's heads was very real, as was the pain. How had he survived? "I wanna kill 'em..." He growled, hand reaching for his knife. But there was no way they could go into that situation and come out without getting arrested at minimum. Oxi had the knife, and he had a feeling that Manic was going through some sort of panic attack, so he kept it under his jacket from Manic's reach. "That was close you guys, I saw your friend get his teeth knocked in from that billy club, want me to bring him to the hospital?" The lead singer said. Manic was still clutching his head and lost in his thoughts, but a voice he hadn't heard before forced him back into reality briefly. "Yeah, we should get headed-" Were they going to be alright, actually? He could walk this off, but how much was this gonna run them? "That's gonna take, like, a ton of our money." He admitted. As much as a big heist could fund them, it couldn't fund them forever, especially with the life here. "Eh, I here its cheaper to get a minor checked out than it is for an adult, let's be lucky Napalm is still 17...." Oxi said, looking out the back window. He then noticed some vinyl sleeves near the bassist. It had a cross with a 'no' symbol splash over it. Over this logo it read 'Bad Religion'. "Hey you got an EP?" Oxi asked, pointing to the vinyl stack, the bassist grabbed one and handed it to Oxide. "Here yah go man." he said with a smirk "Least you know what you're about," Manic admitted, at least getting a bit of a chuckle out of it. That chuckled was what he needed to feel better, just a little. Not enough to actually feel well, but enough to start acting like he was. Just enough to lean up against Oxide, happy to give him a hug after everything that happened, especially one that lasted a little longer than usual. He looked over at Jason as he tended to Napalm's mouth. "Christ, dude, do you still have the teeth that got knocked out?" "Nah, got rid of them, didn't want them......though I bet I could lay them under a pillow and get money." He shrugged, oh well! Oxi chuckled as he leaned against Manic, no one seemed to care as they drove to the hospital. Well, mostly no one. Manic always mentioned problems with stress off handedly. He was usually chill enough, or at least, played it off as being a joking mom friend. He couldn't play it off as he started to shake and shiver on the drive to the hospital. As soon as they got there, Manic bolted in, desperate to keep moving. Whatever he was feeling went beyond just concern for his head or Napalm's teeth. The punk was a facade. At his heart, he was a terrified kid, watching and fidgeting from a distance and nurses came out to try and escort Napalm into the building. Napalm tried to fight a little. "Fuck off, I can walk on my own assholes!" But he did look very light headed. Oxi walked into one of the waiting rooms, where there was a vending machine. Being the punker he was, he kicked in the glass with his foot and stole as many small snacks and did the same with the drink machine, stealing as many drinks as possible before running off. Jason stuck around though, and when all the security was out, he took some snacks and drinks for himself and Napalm Manic needed some bandaging, but in all wasn't going to need any serious medical help. Napalm, however, was going to need some dental surgery it looked like. So while Jason waited by Napalm's room, Oxide and Manic just waited in the hall, the green hedgehog eating his feelings away. "When Scourge get's back, I'm punching him in the nose," Manic said, still shivering from the way too close encounter. "Yah......well it's not really is fault, we DID say he could have the van. It's the pigs fault....." Oxi sighed, resting against his lover, keeping his head low since security was just done chasing him down but they were still looking around. "You really gonna lay low for stealing snacks?" Manic teased Oxide quietly. "You big baby." But even if he was gonna rustle his hair, he wasn't about to call him out to security. "When- Like, when's Scourge supposed to get back?" Manic had to ask, sounding a bit exasperated. "He ain't gonna be out all night again, is he?" The moment he said that, he had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that yes, he was going to be out all night. "Dude, we're punks. Coppers are always looking for reasons to beat us to death." Oxi jabbed Manic in the stomach. "Aw, is the widdle baby afraid of the darkness?" Oxi teased. "If I need to carry you I will~" "Shut up," Manic said, finding the sarcasm to smirk through abject fear after what had just happened. "Nah, I'm worried about getting Napes home. but I guess he'd be... yeah, if he's getting stitched up, it'll be-" He shook his head. "I need to stop being so serious dude, I just..." He put his hand on Oxide's. "Feels like I was real close to losing you." "Don't worry, you ain't gonna lose me~" And with that, planted a kiss on his lips, not carrying who was watching. "Faggots." One middle aged man said, not really liking what he was currently seeing in front of him. Oxi responded by flipping him off. Manic just pulled back, laughing and even snorting a bit. "You ain't caring about ANYTHING, are you?" Manic said, happy to find some joy out of a shitty night. "Never change, babe." And the night carried on. The promise Napalm would be fixed up was picking up more traction as Manic started joking with Oxide more, so much so that he started to realize how much the stress had tired him out. The officers certainly disapproved of the two punks sitting around, but they technically weren't breaking any rules (to their knowledge.) And couples leaning on each other in the hall chairs, covered in crumbs from cheap vending machine foods was normal enough. The sterile halls weren't normal for the hedgehogs, but that was fine with them. They were enjoying each other's warmth, after all. Finally, early into the next day, they were able to leave back to their practice space. Oxide woke Manic up and dragged him, along with the rest of the group back to the house. Bad religion was kind enough to drive there (with Jason) to the practice space and drop every thing off before they dropped Jason off and sped into the night the night before. "They still ain't back?" Manic said when they arrived. He was sure happy their stuff was there, but Scourge and Fiona sure weren't. "Oh my god, Scourge..." But his anger at Scourge and Fiona was just piddling. There was a more pressing matter to him, one he was hesitant to ask about while their supplies were being set up again. "Uh... What's the damage?" He finally asked. "Like, any of you know how many people got messed up at that show?" "Heard some kid got killed, wasn't even at the show, he just had green hair and when he resisted arrest they started beating him. Apperantly they caved in his skull...." Keith said, who was drinking beer in the bathroom. "You don't think-" Manic had to shake off the thought, it was too much. But there was still just a vague chance... The sound of their old van trundling down the street was a massive relief for Manic. "Holy hell. Anyone know that kid's name?" There wasn't a response. "Damn... Raise one for him." Manic raised a can of cheap beer and sipped solemnly. Last night was way too close for his comfort. He knew with how much blood he lost he shouldn't have been drinking, but hell, one wouldn't hurt too much. Oxi shrugged, he had grown numb to this, but raised one anyway. He then downed his beer and went to do cocaine. 2 hours later he was back, did a pound of cocaine, had 3 hours of sleep. And he wanted to fuck. "Hey Manic! Come here yah faggot~" Manic had grown numb to his drug habits. In the crumbling room that served as their living room, there was some old couch someone tried to throw away that they lifted back there. Scourge was sitting with Manic, who leaned against the hedgehog. They both smiled in amusement at seeing Oxide. "Can't," Manic said with a silly grin. "Can't stop hugging this dork." "You come over here, maybe you can pry him offa me." Scourge motioned for Oxide. "Nevermind! I'll fuck yah both~" Oxi smirked ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oxi zipped up his pants. "I'm gonna go skateboarding, see yah later~" He grabbed his deck and ran out. The two were more or less expecting this string of events. It was just what Oxide did. Manic just stayed laying down while Scourge went for his own clothes. "Did that cop beat in your sense of humor, too?" He asked. "You're being pissy again." "Ain't feeling pissy, just..." He gave an indecisive hand waggle. "Meh." "I'm heading out with Oxi, you coming or what?" He hesitated. "Sorry, man." Manic added. This only got a shrug and Scourge to leave, leaving Manic alone with his thoughts. Never a good idea. Neither was leaving Scourge alone with Oxide. "Can't wait for you to meet the NEW Destructix." Scourge said with a massive grin. "Ain't got no one like Sims, but ain't any loonies like the frog, neither. You'll like 'em, they ain't as square as Manic." "Alright." Oxi shrugged, walking with him. Cops were staring them down. When Oxi and Scourge walked past, Oxi flipped them off when they had their backs turned. Oxide's normal skating spot wasn't far away. He just followed along and laughed at his usual stupid antics. This was the life. No job, no school, all the money they could hope for. If he wanted to watch Oxide skateboard, he sure had the time for it. He plomped down on the curb and relaxed as Oxide started with his normal tricks. He was happy. He was fulfilled. And he wasn't going to leave a mark of any kind like this. He could only think about his and Fiona's date and hope that would take them somewhere towards leaving a mark. But for now, he was doing nothing. Just watching someone more successful than him practice yet another thing Scourge knew he wasn't good at. Oxide was doing shit that he had seen some guy do when he came by here once. A one-hand handstand while grabbing the wheel over his board and spinning his board around before landing back on his feet. This was easier said than done. And it wasn't easily said. Given that, though, he was doing surprisingly well. Given just how complicated this trick was, Oxide was doing great on learning on it. Not that he could tell from Scourge. "You screwed it up!" He yelled with a laugh as Oxide barely nicked his leg on accident. Oxi rolled his eyes and did it again, and again, and again, and again, and again.....aaaaaand again......untill FINALLY he got landed it. The sun was going down, so Oxide pulled out a bag of cocaine. "Wanna share an 8 ball?" It wasn't a neighborhood cops came to much, so the two had no problem sitting down there on the curb and snorting. They were trash. They knew it. "You know what's going on with Manic? Kid's acting weird." He spoke from a place of caring, even if he'd never admit it. "Maybe he needs to steal a sense of fun?" "A kid got killed at one of our concerts, plus he saw Napalm take a billy club to the teeth as well...." Oxi shrugged, snorting a line off a small piece of plastic Oxi would always keep with him. "Think he'd be used to it." There wasn't much he had to say on the topic. Manic seemed alone on taking these deaths so personally, and he didn't get why. He snorted a line, rubbing his nose and grinning right after. "Can't catch your show at wherever the hell tomorrow." Scourge said, draping one arm around Oxide and looking off. "Fiona wants another date, you know any good spots?" "Yah, where all the heteros go, I don't fucking know!" Oxi cracked up, getting up to skate more. "Also we aren't playing, some other bands are." Oxi corrected Scourge "Come on, you're always playing somewhere!" Scourge snarked out mid laugh. "When you ain't passed out in an alley." Where did all the heteros go? Manic didn't know. But he did finally have a name on the guy. Chance. 18, maybe 19. One of many drifters in the city. Manic knew it wasn't his fault, he just knew it was shitty. The punk life was always shitty, but it took a step back to realize just how crushing it felt for him. So crushing, he barely wanted to move off of the couch to turn on a light, or some music, or anything. He just sat. The punk life was a dangerous one, but at least he was... ... What was he getting out of this? His glare drifted towards the window, at the looming skyscrapers and bright lights in the distance. His bag was downstairs. He'd run away from his old life once. He could try- No, he couldn't do that. He would miss Oxide too much. But once the thought was planted, it would take a lot of work to prune it at the roots, and Manic felt too depressed to even try. It sat and grew, snaring around his brain and twisting his thoughts little by little. Oxide and Scourge kicked in the door. "We're BACK YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!" Oxide screamed, high on cocaine. He then pounced onto Manic, shaking, tickling and rolling him off the couch. Manic was immediately shocked and surprised. And then he laughed. Louder and louder, the slingshotting emotions just magnifying how strong his happiness felt. This was what he was getting, to roll around and do stupid shit with two great lovers. What else could he hope for. "You nerd!" Manic shot back with a laugh. "If you weren't so cute, I'd still wanna smooch that stupid face." "I ain't cute~ You're cute~" Oxi smarmed, smooching his cute and incredibly gay face. After a while, he finally got off him and put away his skateboard. "I really needed some kinda gayness now, dude." Manic said with his normal cheesy grin. "Hey, if Fiona and Scourge are gonna be out doing shit tomorrow... when's the last time WE'VE had a date?" The idea hit him. Yeah, Oxide was happy with the punk life, he could find ways to be happy with it, too! "Come on, let's head out then! Find some kinda nonsense and have some fun, after practice and all that crap. Summat like..." ◇        ◇        ◇        ◇ "I feel like these places just keep popping up." They were approaching an abandoned building that had only recently been turned into a makeshift club. As in, within the last few weeks. "You think they're gonna have any good bands or some kinda weak crap here? I'm betting on weak crap." "Yah I feel the same. Oh well, the fuck are we gonna do about it?" Oxi shrugged as they walked down the street looking for something to do. "Yah wanna fuck again~?" Oxi asked, kissing Manic's neck. "Uh, ALWAYS." Manic said in a stupid voice, feeling more comfortable wrapping his hand around Oxide's waist. Time with him just making stupid romantic nothings was always exciting, warm, close... ...Skewed... "Wait... Wait!" Manic stopped Oxide from walking much further. There was a small, skewed poster on the outside of the club, under a hasty "tonight's bands" sign. Oh, no wonder they'd chosen tonight for their 'date.' Right there was a poster for some band called "Destructix." "Lets check them out." Oxi smiled, bringing him into the venue. It was a pretty shitty venue all and all, poor PA, poor lighting, shitty beer and even shittier food. If they said that the food was actual shit, Oxide probably wouldn't of doubted them. But it was cheap so no complaining. The most unnerving thing was some indistinct yelling coming from somewhere in the back of the club. The voices sounded familiar, but they weren't loud enough to be distinct just yet. It wouldn't take long for the band to be announced, or for the crowd to go quiet in anticipation for the band. And there on stage, stepping out was Scourge, Fiona, and a few friends of theirs that Manic and Oxide couldn't identify. It didn't seem like they were aware that either of Scourge's boyfriends were in the audience. Scourge's new 'destructix' hadn't been a new criminal gang at all, they were forming their own band without telling them. "Play freebird faggot!" Oxi yelled from the front of the stage, cracking up. He then went to the front of the stage to get a better look, yep, it definitely Scourge. Scourge and Fiona didn't seem to notice until the last second. They were both distracted by an empty spot on stage, where a bass guitar sat but no one walked up to. They motioned to someone else backstage, and a musician form another no-name band rushed in to fill the space. And then there were those smiles. Scourge's grin could knock them back any day, and Fiona's smile could handle the members of the crowd that weren't enamored with that smile. And with a nice guitar riff and a bass line to give Scourge plenty of attention, they started immediately. Strangely, someone as narcissistic as Scourge didn't take the mic. Actually, Fiona was stepping forward "Falling up the sky Splashed into constellations Floated on 'til they forced me to fall That's how I came here" She didn't have a punk singing voice. She didn't have a gritty singing voice. Her voice was almost pop-ish, smooth and elegant and each word daintily flowing into the next, a stark contrast to the rough playing styles and harsh chords. The lyrics of that first number weren't as blunt as the Amphetamines could be - actually, they were more built around setting a scene than being political, something they didn't do. Those lines certainly came up in their later numbers, but for the first song, those tones were totally gone. And it worked perfectly. Oxi and some other audience members pogo'd, it wasn't a band you could slam to, so everyone pogo'd. At the end of the set, Oxi dived onto Scourge and began kissing him onstage in front of the entire crowd. Manic leaned back and rolled his eyes. Just another day for Oxide. Scourge seemed was certainly fine with it. "Thought you'd be pissed at me for not telling," Scourge said with a grin. "But I ain't a back up performer, I'm lead or nothing. Whaddya think?" "He SHOULD think it was perfect," Fiona said, leaning up to his side. "It was awesome! Now let's butt fuck each other in the alley" He smirked. Christ Oxi what are you on? Eventually he did calm down, he continued doing blow all night. And as always, Scourge was right there with him, shameless in this particular club. Such a new no-name club would be virtually nonexistant on the police radar, it was the perfect place to shamelessly do whatever they wanted, drugs included. Drugs included... This was supposed to be a private date, right? But here they were, back to where Oxide always came to. "So... where'd you get the new band?" Manic asked when he finally saw some reprieve in their snorting. "Caught 'em backstage at one of your shows lugging around a bag of cash." Scourge shrugged, motioning for the lynx and hawk nearby. "Said they wanted to get back at the club for not letting 'em play. Figured they're thieves and musicians, why the hell not?" He reached for that piece of plastic Oxide carried around. "No clue where our rhythm guitarist is..." "Oh I saw him overdosed, and then some bum took his wallet." Oxi explained. He seemed rather calm for someone explaining to someone else that someone just fucking died via in taking too much heroin then choking on their vomit. "Ah, shit." Scourge sounded more annoyed than actually sad about anything. "Guess we've gotta get someone else. Yo, guys! GUYS!" He flagged down the other band members. "Looks like Uma died, gotta find some other guitarist." Manic could only watch as they seemed mildly bemused to slightly dissapointed at the news. No one seemed particularly attached to whoever had died. But what was Manic supposed to do about this? "Ain't- Ain't you sad?" Manic said, horrified at how close this all was. "They died!" "Well, she wasn't that good at guitar, this ain't helping." Scourge let out a laugh, Fiona chuckling along and sitting next to him. Oxi shrugged, and continued to drink. After a while, Oxi was shit faced and could barely stand, but somehow still conscious. He slumped and stumbled around the room, trying to find Manic. He then walked up to Manic. "Hey k-kind sir....*burp* have you seen a-a faggot n-named.....naaaamed......what was his name....oh yah Manic! have you seen a guy named Manic?  He's got a nice ass and is really fucking tall," he said right to Manic's face. Manic had been scared all evening. The ramifications of everything that had happened... why was he even here? Why would he still put up with this? And then Oxide stumbled up in that stupid drunken stupor, and he couldn't help but laugh. Louder than he normally would have. Even when things were awful, he could find some way to make Manic smile. It terrified him that they were so close to these dangers. Hell, in Oxide's case, beyond close... ◇        ◇        ◇        ◇ Oxide had been given time to wake up, grab clothes and all that. He was just sitting, sitting on the mattress and trying to get the nerve to ask. "I kind of-" He had to pause. "I want you to quit doing coke, dude." Oxi shook his head. "Not happening." Oxi found coke to be too much fun, which is why he did it all the time. He didn't expect to last long in life so he didn't wanna slow down, not even for his boyfriend. It was then that he realised that was kinda rude and selfish. "Any reason why?" Rude and selfish was also what Manic would have said, but about his own statement. Words tended to just fall out, he actually paused to think through just a bit. "Everyone just keeps- People keep dying around us. Like, people living the same lives as us. I know we can't do anything about the cops, but like... What about that girl in Scourge's band who OD'd? I don't- I don't wanna lose you." Once the words were out of his mouth, he just stared at the floor. "I'm such a wimp." Oxi began to crack up. "You ARE a wimp" He laughed, giving a playful punch to his shoulder. "Don't worry, if I do die, I'll have my cock surgically removed and have blood pumped into it so you can have something to remember me by," he finished. "You don't GET IT." The words exploded out, and Manic had to catch himself in anger. How was he taking all this so... so lightly? "What about Farrel? You know, the guy who raised me? What about Sonic, or Sonia, or anyone back in the UK?! They're just - they're just gone! You and Scourge are all I've got left, and Scourge is barely even there!" The anger behind his eyes was fueled by fear. "I've given up everything to be with the band. I don't know what I'd do if you were gone." Oxi gave a heavy sigh. "Fuck, fine, alright? Fine." He grew angry and walked out, if he was gonna give up cocaine, he was gonna start getting hammered every day 24/7. It did not take long for anyone to take notice. It didn't even take an hour. "You're turning down a hit?!" Scourge laughed, his laugh only magnified by the effects of the drugs on the table. "What, you turning good or something? You gonna be a nun tomorrow?!" Oxide just drank, really heavily, to the point he could barely stand, yet he was still conscious. His legs were just soggy spaghetti. Oxide only stopped drinking because he was finding it hard to get the bottle to his lips. Well, he didn't stop himself, it was one of Scourge's friends who did, one of the few that knew when to slow down or full on stop. Once that friend was gone, Oxide forced himself to sober up just so he could drink some more. Even Scourge got up to move. Not Oxide. He needed something, something to keep him inebriated enough to keep him going through withdrawal. The day seemed to carry on, and on... "We need to play." Manic was kneeling on the floor in front of a newly conscious Oxide. His tone was stern, but deeply worried. "You've haven't stopped drinking this week. We need to play another show." "Don't worry, I'll sober up before the show." He smirked. He then cracked open another 40oz. The playing was sloppy, but luckily Jason convinced Oxide after the 3rd song to just sing, it wasn't much better but hey progress is progress Was it the right move? The longer it went on, the more Manic realized it wasn't good to force him to stop doing something he was so dependent on, especially when the withdrawal was so obvious. Everything deteriorated in his life, and Manic felt like he could do nothing but look on. But maybe he could keep something going. It was still Oxide, the guy he moved across the world for. So for once, one of his confrontations didn't end in a demand from Oxide. "How about we go out sometime?" He asked, trying to act casual. "We... ain't really spent a ton of time together lately." "Sure." He smiles, then moans in pain because his hangover was making him feel like someone'd been beating him with a sledgehammer and had been curbstomping his teeth into the ground all morning. The next day, when Oxide's hangover wasn't as bad as it was yesterday, he got dressed since he was naked for the night and waited for Manic. He didn't take long to show up, and the two left to do... something. "I ain't really decided," Manic confessed with a laugh. "I dunno, let's pick up lunch or something? I think there's some new Mexican restaurant near that real snooty club." Just walking together was closer than they had been for a short while. "I shouldn't've made you stop." Manic said, patting Oxide on the back. "I was... a dick. You can do some if you want, I just-" A heavy sigh. "I'm kinda a bitch." Manic had brushed it off before, but it was becoming clear this wasn't just grogginess. "You're acting kinda slow, man. You feeling okay?" "Oh, I can do some? Ok!" He then pulled out a bag of cocaine, stuck his nose into it and snorted the entire bag. He could not shut up, nor stay still the entire time they were at the Mexican place. Yeah, Manic still loved seeing Oxide being stupid. He couldn't help it, someone so shamelessly happy and self assured was exciting to watch. But that was only him while he was high anymore. "Alright, buddy, maybe let's leave before you break another light." Manic said, pulling Oxide by the arm out of the restaurant. "And before the owner catches us...!" They couldn't have made it out of there fast enough, and they were already rushing down the street. And once again, Manic felt thrilled, excited. For just a few moments, there was that thrill he'd missed sharing with Oxide. Maybe it wasn't just Oxide. Maybe they had both felt worse in recent days. "Where the hell... are we even...?" Manic was panting when they finally stopped their run, having no clue what this street was but still smiling a wide grin. "Oh I know this street! Saw some kid get curb stomped by a bunch of gangsters and someone was dying here." Maybe Oxi would not say that if he hadn't been on so much cocaine, but when on drugs, it kind of makes that you don't think properly. Of course that's what he remembered. But Manic was trying to force himself to be happy, just milk this for as long as he could. Forcing a laugh was the best way to try that. "You're the worst at comforting people, mate." He was grinning ear to ear, and ruffled Oxide's hair. "You're such an ass." Oxide smiled too, but he could see right through that phony smile of Manics. He put on a big smile, but it looked like he was forcing himself to, and he never looked as awkward as he did when they lived in Manchester. "Manic.....stop trying to fake smile mate...." This didn't stop him from smiling totally. It shrunk, down into a little grin, but a more genuine grin for the bit of genuine happiness he had. "I'm just... trying to hang on," Manic admitted. "I'm kinda a puss with this stuff. I just miss... god, we'd drive everywhere." And the smile grew again, but more genuinely in reminiscence. "We saw every part of that crappy city, and every part of Europe... damn. I wanna have an adventure like that again. With you." He looked over at Oxide. Drugged up all the time, usually drunk. This wasn't Oxide. It was him dealing with his own ways of faking happiness. Oxide was just slowly turning into an addict, he didn't care, he didn't think he was gonna live long anyway. He didn't care if people wanted him to live longer than 30, was that selfish? Maybe, but it was Oxide. They headed back to the practice space. Keith was hanging out there so he and Oxide went into the bathroom to do some coke. Napalm and Jason were drinking, both whiskey and pepsi. And of course, practice was normal for them. Out of them all, Manic was the square. Smoking. Smoking was his vice. Everyone around him was dealing with some kind of reliance, and he sometimes wanted to puff a cigarette. He knew he couldn't know what they were dealing with, all he could do was try and help. "I'm guessing Scourge is out with his new band again?" Manic was kneeling and fixing an amp, not wanting anyone else to handle wires while they were inebriated. He was constantly leaving. Calling him a boyfriend anymore was pushing it. "Yah, but I have a feeling he's gonna get drugs too." Keith informed before snorting a line, handing a 40oz to Oxide. "Thanks mate." Oxi thanked him as he cracked it open and took a swig from it, passing it to some random punker. "Oh guys! There's a show going down at the Cuckoos nest today! We got an hour to get there! Who wants to go?" Within 5 minutes, about 16 punks were squished into a 10 seater van with 4 actual seats in it Music. That and Oxide were the two saving graces here. He lived for music of any kind, and something this angry, this real, this... powerful. This was what he craved. Sure, it was crappy clubs that were overcrowded and riddled with drugs, but it was an unmatched experience in the best possible way. He couldn't help it. Music had a way of making him feel alive almost nothing else could manage. They got to the club, all the underage kids, including Oxide, pulled out their fake ID to show that they were 21. Half the bouncers didn't care, everyone got food, drinks and went car hopping to see who had the drugs. Oxide just drank and ate, though he did do some coke just before the show to have energy to slam dance the entire time. And as soon as some no-name local group started playing, Manic was right there next to Oxide, dancing away. Slam dancing wasn't really his thing, he just wanted to be near Oxide. He wanted his kind of fun, his excitement, his energy! Was that a-?! No, someone just bumped into the wall. But after their last issues at their performance, every loud sound seemed like they were going to be attacked again. A shattering glass, a slamming door, anything. He loved music, but this kind of performance no longer felt like the music he knew. This was just fearing for his life. Damn, Oxide's smile could always make Manic happy. Whether it was smug or flirty or just dopey, seeing him grinning like this was always warming. And as rapidly changing as his emotions were, one Oxide gave at a particular yell was enough to even get a laugh out of him. When the band was loading everything off, police in riot gear stormed the place, causing everyone to scram in different directions. Oxide staying close to Manic. Even to this point, Manic was still in a laughing mod from feeling so close to Oxide. Maybe it was a coping mechanism, but he even laughed a little as he ran. As they rushed to the van they thankfully had on hand this time around, Manic was laughing louder, not even sure what he was doing anymore as they sped as far from the club as they could get. "I am so goddamn scared, man." Manic set with dead seriousness as he couldn't shake his teary smile. "I can tell by the way you're vibrating like you're on setting 4~" He chuckled, tires screeching down the street to the band house as Oxide stumbled out, some beer cans spilling out of the van as he closed the door and went to the other side to carrying Manic out, why? Because why the fuck not? He felt lucky to be with Oxide when he was so terrified. He felt safer with him, happier with him. Certainly closer than he ever felt with Scourge. Everything else felt like it was being ruined for him. Everything else... ◇        ◇        ◇        ◇ Oxide woke up early in the morning to the sound of some kind of cymbal crash coming from the alley. Manic wasn't there next to Oxide. Hell, his drums weren't even there. Oxide sat up tiredly, his head pounding from his hangover, looking around to see what was going on. Then he heard another crash and got up and went outside to see what the hell was going on. It wasn't a brawl or a fight or anything. Actually, it was an innocent mistake for once. Manic was moving his drum set into the van, piece by piece, and must have dropped the cymbal. When he turned around to grab the last drum, he jolted in shock. "Oh-! Uh, morning, dude." Manic said, picking up the bass drum to try and put it in. "You ain't usually up this early." "Christ, yah, I thought you were throwing shit around or something like that...." He gave a small chuckle before helping him with the rest of the drums. "Oh yah thats right we have a show tonight." He remembered, might as well pack the rest of the stuff into the van. "Uh, about that..." Manic was terrified, he had no issues letting Oxide see that. He took some time to try ant put his words together. Enough time for Oxide to see that the drums weren't the only thing in the van. It looked like there was a cardboard box with his vests tumbling out, and most of the cash from their robbery in the UK. "I was thinking, man." He couldn't even look at Oxide as he asked. "Do you kinda wanna... get out of here? Like, just us?" "No, I don't...." Oxide said very seriously, it seemed like he was very content to stay here in America. Oxide started moving boxes out of the van so he could make room for the rest of the equipment. "I don't wanna leave here, I'm tired of running, we left Manchester, left all our friends behind, I don't wanna repeat that!" "I get it... I get it, man." Manic said, pushing his fringe back nervously. "I get you like it, it's just... It's just, I've got nothing here, man." He was crying. He was actually starting to cry in front of Oxide. "I- What do you want from me?! When's the last time I hung out with anyone other than you guys? Napalm and Jason don't notice me, and Scourge doesn't wanna date or flirt anymore... what else is there for me? Dying on the curb, overdosing, what?! I ain't just into punk rock, I like MUSIC! I want to go out and hear jazz, and pop, and- everything! I'm not a punk, I'm just... I'm just some asshole without anything else going for him." Manic had moved so he was sitting out the back of the van, feet dangling down. "You're all I've got left, man. I just wanna get you outta here and go-" His mouth was covered to stop the heavy stream of tears from getting in his mouth. "Go somewhere safe. Where I'm not gonna watch you get killed by some cop." "I'm not gonna get killed by a cop. Nothing's gonna kill me, I've put my body through so much shit and I'm still not dead...." Oxi smirked, comforting him. "The only thing that will kill me will be natural or intentional." Manic wasn't convinced, it was east to read on his face. "But everyone keeps dying here, and- Like, anyone. It's just death after death- I want to live! I at least felt like I was living in Manchester!" No, they weren't planning on going back. But California wasn't the place for them, either. "I'm not a punk, man. I just... you guys all wanted this life, and it was fun music. But I can't handle this kinda living." His gaze at the ground was almost blank. "I keep thinking about driving out alone... Like, just anywhere, move somewhere I want to live. But I can't leave you behind." "If you really wanna.....then leave you fucking pussy." Oxide was getting sick of Manic bitching about all of this. "It isn't better anywhere else mate, New York, Texas, DC, here, anywhere!" He had a very angry look in his eyes, like he was about to fuck someone up. Manic was trying to convince himself desperately that there was a better life somewhere, and that was the worst thing he could have heard. Was there nowhere else in the states better than this? Their former tour had only shown cities that were half decrepit and sketchy at best, and expensive suburban areas they could never dream of going to. There wasn't anywhere better for them. And if Oxide wasn't coming along... "Shoot me." Manic was glaring straight back at Oxide with a passion, an anger, even a plead. "If there's nothing better, then I don't wanna be here when it gets worse. You always talk about it, so... fucking do it." "I ain't gonna shoot you....." Tears began to roll down his face as he held back sobs. He hated seeing Manic like this, he didn't wanna see him go, but he didn't wanna see him slowly rot and breakdown in this hell hole. They just held on to each other, not caring if they looked like wimps anymore. It was close, closer than they'd felt in months. Real. "I don't wanna take away something you love, man..." Manic said as their tear flows slowed down. "If you like it here, I can't make you leave." "If you want to leave...then leave....I don't want you to rot and suffer while here...." He wanted to see him happy, and if that meant them having to break up the band, and their relationship, at least for a while. Then he'd support him, just so he could be happy. Manic didn't say anything, glaring off at nothing as he weighed his options. What was left for him? Was was there out there for him? And would it even be worth finding if he had to lose Oxide? His head turned towards that box of stolen money, now next to the building door. "You keep it," he said, "you'll be looking after a whole bunch of guys..." Another hug. And one he was determined to make last. He didn't want to stay, but he didn't want that moment to ever end. "Good luck mate...." He said as he gave him the hug he wanted, which was odd, they'd usually just fuck like rabbits when ever this kind of thing came up as a good bye. Which is what commenced.... But it wasn't normal, mindless sex like usual. It felt closer, more... final than anything they had done before. Loving. Loving and sweet. Even if the words would never leave their mouths, that's what it was. And even as Oxide passed out, he wouldn't wake up in the van. He'd wake up, dressed and moved to the mattress. The door to the alley opened shortly after. The stolen money had been left in the building, but all of Manic's things were gone. Mostly. Two things had been left near Oxide as he slept - that gifted leather jacket he wore when they performed, and his gold earring. At first, for the first few seconds, it didn't register, but now it was starting to hit. Oxide ran out the building, calling for Manic. "Manic? Manic!....MAAAAAAAANIIIIC!".....

[wait-what-no-way]

Interview with NERDS 2DX

Born in Jamaica, Queens NERDS has been adding his own unique style to every wall he approaches. From train yards to The Bushwick Collective, NERDS has no limits. His passion and dedication to the game is unmatchable. Without further ado, Writers Ink presents NERDS 2DX!

Why “NERDS”? What inspired you to choose that combination of letters?

I was always the bad smart kid in school… lol

When did you start writing?

Shit… I started noticing graff in like 7th grade, but I didn’t start to “actively” participate until High School… So like ’99, but I didn’t write “Nerds” back then… lol

Word, so about 17 years… That’s putting in work. What were the first few words you put up? Or just one prior?

I used to write “PAER,” that was my first tag.

When was the first time you went to prison?

Mid 2000’s… Like late ’05-’07… I was living in Miami, fucking up my septum with that good oil based coke… Selling 8balls and shit… Got jammed up on some charges… …I thought they were small at the time, but Florida’s judicial system isn’t New York’s. I was basically just doing my Charlie Sheen at the time… I felt like I was lucky to get that 18+ months… This was basically the time the pill mills started popping up everywhere… We all were smoking a lot of pills, going out and robbing the dope boys… Smacking $20 rocks out of their hands and doin’ the Carl Lewis… I was glad to make it out of there alive… They can keep that 18 months… It’s a gift… lol.

That’s pretty wicked. When you were in Miami, were you still writing “PAER” or had you transitioned to “NERDS.”

I got the name “NERD” around ’01-’02… I didn’t add the “S” until maybe ’07-’08 when I came back from Florida… I didn’t write much in Miami… The scene was so different… I didn’t have a car either… When I did steal or “acquire” a car… I was pretty preoccupied with other crimes…

What made you decide to come back to New York?

I had nothing left for me down there… So I decided to come back and start all over…

What was the first thing you did when you came back to New York?

The first thing I did was link up with the squad… Start painting again… I felt like I needed to get back to a sense of normalcy… And that felt like the only way.

JINS, NERDS, JROZ

What kind of spots do you and the squad like to hit?

It really all depends on the mood I’m in… Sometimes it’s something very thought out and well planned… Sometimes I have to drink a lot and I’m just like “Fuck it.”… I try to keep it diverse… Most of my squad would probably agree… We all like to challenge each other, keep us all developing.

Those shredded layers you paint are staggering, what inspired that idea?

Honestly, that idea all came from me doing collages on that fine art shit… I had like garbage bags full of ripped paper in my house… One day I was blackout drunk and started visualizing these fonts all stacked up… The idea just started really basic and then developed fairly quick… Especially once I started free-styling the colors… I’m not one of those writers who has crates of paint at their house… I’m usually working with rattlers and shit I find in my back seat… lmao… No sponsors. So it just made a lot of sense to stagger them… Especially when you’re working with quarter cans and 1 good cap… Hahah. Just gimme five scraps and I’ll smoke anybody…lol… I’ll blow cans up if I have to… lmao.

Lmao, word. That’s what’s up. How long did it take to paint that mural at the Bushwick Collective Wall in 2015?

That was actually the first non-graffiti mural I’d ever done… And at the time the biggest piece of work I had ever done… I painted it on a scaffold in the rain after work everyday for three days straight… I like a challenge… lol.

Spoken like a true savage. What type of opportunities have you had to travel different places for both galleries and straight up graffiti?

In the last few years I’ve traveled a lot… Exploring different abandoned buildings on the east coast… I fell in love with that lifestyle immediately… The isolation spoke to me in some sick way… lol… I’ve been invited to a few different festivals… experienced a lot of different cultures… Met a lot of white bitches with fat asses… They’re out there… lol.

Speaking of abandos, was that phone actually working? Or was that just for the ‘gram?? Lol. How’d you even find that place?

Lmao… Nah that shit was actually working. Deadass… made some local calls on that bad boy… Abandos are a dangerous game, especially going at it alone. If you want to find them, then you have to open your eyes… They’re all around… Keep your ears to the street and keep those clippers handy… lol.

What do you think about social media and graffiti combined?

I’ve always said that the internet itself is a tool… A tool improperly used can be dangerous… With that being said a lot of good writers careers have done well because of social media… Myself included, but I’ve been doing this when social media consisted of Bombing Science magazine and ArtCrimes.com… lmao… The internet has created a lot of hybrid styles… Which I’m all for, but a lot of the community and history has been lost… I feel like it’s a double-edged sword… Styles with no master… Street art is the entitled, ungrateful offspring of graffiti… Like the crazy dad who finally makes sense when you’re older… lol.

Who would you say has influenced your style the most?

At this point in my life, I get influences from all different areas of art… That’s a loaded question… Growing up in Queens I was mentored by a lot of old school BMK crew… Optick/ Smend… As I grew up traveling around the city, I became more aware of the variance of styles… SLOPE from BK had a lot of styles… SETUP.. I was definitely influenced by ESPO and his gates…. I never wanted to feel one dimensional in a specific style… As I got older I pushed myself to be diverse… So at this point I don’t even sketch anymore… It’s just a bag of tricks at this point… I like it like that… I’m a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, rolled in a big ass cigarette with coke on the tip… Hahaha.

From your story about Miami I can tell things were pretty wild. What was a wild experience you had in NY?

A few years ago when I was shooting my video entitled “No Invite” I went to Yonkers to search out a ‘bando. I had never been there before and had no idea how to get in…(**Side-note** At this point I had been on a three day cocaine binge. I had about 2 G’s left tucked in my sock. I was really fucked up… You know the type of fucked up that every line of Coke do you do falls out of your nostrils because your septum is just overworked…) Anyway I find the entrance to the building through a basement window that had about a 12 foot drop to the ground … there was a chain attached to the wall a few feet from the window that I grab and climb down. Meanwhile I had no idea how I was going to get out of the building when I was done nevertheless …But Fuck it though……I made my Way to the third floor. I found a wall with good light and started to unpack my paint (But If You’ve never had the unfortunate pleasure of spending three days with no sleep doing cocaine like Marion Barry… Chances are you will begin to hallucinate.) All of a sudden I hear someone say “Hellooo.” I pause while going through my cans and there is the voice again “Helloooooo??? “with some weird accent. At this point I couldn’t tell whether I was hallucinating or if this was really happening. There was the voice again, “Helloooooooooooooooo” with a weird Russian Polish-ish fuckin’ accent. So all of a sudden….I couldn’t tell you why… haha… I just yell Out ..”What’s Good Nigga!!”…..I still don’t know if I’m hallucinating or not yet or if it’s the fuckin’ boys but I’m wayyyyy to fucked up to be analyzing the situation that deep…haha… The dude yells back “Hey hey hey!!!… I’m lost, I can’t find the way I came in!!!”….about 45 seconds later he comes around the corner into the room I’m in… He’s one of those German/ Polish/ Russian /Mediterranean Merrill wearing photographer urbex dudes… I tell him the way I came in and he tells me he tried it and can’t climb the chain. He’s extra flustered… I tell him “Relax… I got you…” I show him the room where I climbed in through the window… I climb back up the chain on some American drugs ninja warrior shit and dead grant out the frame of the window off with just my feet. I grab his hand and lift him to a point where’s he’s comfortable enough to scale the chain… (I swear just reliving this story is fuckin’ ridiculous…lol.) I shimmy back down the chain, he’s extremely grateful… He says something to me and gives me a salute lol, (the type of salute you see Afghanistan kids give American soldiers…lol.) I trek back upstairs to finish the piece I started… About 1 hour later it gets really dark really fast… So I make my way back to the room to climb out. It’s fuckin’ freezing, my hands are cold and stiff, the chain I have to climb is like an ice cube, and I’m totally gassed. I don’t have the energy to climb it… I start walking room to room trying to find one loose plywood board on any random window…I’m kicking shit..trying to get out by any means… I don’t even give a fuck about the cops at this point I’m freezing… Any booking is better than death…#deadass… I sit down and light a cigarette and evaluate the situation. All of a sudden a flash light hits me through the elevated window and I hear that weird ass Russian/German/ Polish niggas voice…”HELLO!?!?!?!”……I just break out laughing… (It turned out that garbled foreign shit he was sayin’ to me as he went out the window earlier was him letting me know he was coming back with friends later)..They throw down a rope ladder and climb down. We give each other pounds and exchange language neutral expressions of respect and gratitude. I climbed out the window and never saw those tourists again…karma, huh?

When have you gone to bookings and got placed in the same cell with someone you knew?

Every time I go to jail or booking or whatever I always end up with a story. I’ve got more stories than the fuckin’ bible…lol. Sometimes when I’m about to tell a story even I know how unbelievable some of this shit is…lol

So, it’s maybe 09-11…hahah…whatever. I’m walking down 62nd on the east, fresh new chrome uni. At the time I was flipping everything from dimes to biftys of green straight delivery style. I even had a beeper on some late mid 90s clockers shit (Dope Spike Lee Movie.) I just ground the tip down of this brand new uni silver from my mans “Geo” at the Scrap Yard…

I’m approaching 1st ave and there’s a fresh mailbox… I roll up on it, bust off a quick handstyle. Exclamation, swirl, all that… I keep walking… All of a sudden I hear this whistle start blowing crazy…!!!!!!!!!!!….!!!!!!!!!!!!…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…

I turn around and 2 bike cops roll up on me fast as fuck… Did the power slide and everything..Baywatch shit… At this point I’m literally on the curb standing on the sewer grate… Out of pure instinct I drop the marker in the gutter… “Where’s the marker buddy?….Where’s the cans?…Turn around …You think we didn’t see you?” I don’t say shit… They look around for a while and see it in the gutter…(* I fucking swear to you*… They brought a fucking police tow truck to lift up the grate and retrieve the marker like it was a fucking CSI investigation no lie.*)… They ship me to the precinct… From the precinct to the Tombs (my 2nd Home)… Once I make it To the second cell I’m tired and there’s no open space… I see this dude layer out across a big piece of real estate….I walk over and I don’t know why but the first thing I see is his sneakers… Some Black shell toes with rainbows stripes…(I know a nigga with those kicks…I’ve never seen anyone else with them, but they’re obviously not the only pair in existence.) His shirt is pulled over his face to block the fluorescent lighting…I tap him on the shoulder.. “Ayo…Slide down a little bit nigga…” He pulls the shirt off his head…..NEMZ ..muthafucker!!!!!! …We start bugging out… The CO is telling us calm down and shit…He got wrapped up in some other shit (that’s his story to tell..hahaha.) Anyway it turned out he’s already been here for like 24hrs. By the time we reach the lawyer cell we have been together for hrs… (Btw Shout Out To Azel Cs..Lower East side Boy…there isn’t a a bookings I’ve been in that he doesn’t have scratchies/ lighter tags u name it.) We go up to see the judge, some of his family was there and they’ve met me on different occasions…lol. So when they saw me there they thought we were co-defendants…hahahah…Let’s just say I wasn’t that welcome at the family house for a while…hahah.. #deadass… lol.

Anyone you want to give a shout out to?

First and foremost none of this would be possible without ME… So let me start by thanking myself… Big Shout Out To My Ace.. DIM TIS CSF… I never would of been in this game if it wasn’t for him… Shout out to The whole TIS Familia…SENO, SEAK, NEMZ CIR, and my nigga EONIS out in Atlanta… My 2dx family state to state…DEK, SMASH, SANS, RUKUS, MINUS, SNEK, Smirk, CRIS, ETHEK, REUP out in Baltimore and SKIZM… All My CSFamily…Brooklyn!!…GIGS, FRESH5, SLUE… All my WATCriminals…USEE, LEER, GASE EK, BIRD… My Dude RANT in Ohio… My Man CAKED WPK..”Aka” Brick Tosser…..The team is huge… Also Shout out to the homies EVAK, EGORE, CENT… My nigga OVER NFG… And Of Course The Great JIN’S 5MH…..Shout out to Queens… And Last But Not Least… RIP BAK ,RIP ZNO ,RIP PANAS, RIP YEAH ,RIP CEFR…. You’re truly Missed… We’ll paint again soon…..…I’m Out.