#anyways! whatever it takes to keep hold of as much of my sanity as i can in these coming days/years :))))))))))

[wispurring-moss]

lil doodle of the guys ever to keep my mind occupied enough not to spiral into abject despair rn tbh lol,,

[verdantlights]

Thoughts/Analysis Part 2 (but its coherent)

OKay so i slept (finally) after staying up since wednesday morning and only getting roughly 5 hours of sleep in total?? until I finally managed to get decent hours of sleep last night. anyways. i am still not normal in the slightest over round 7 but i have many more thoughts, am a lot more coherent, and have had it swimming in my head for a while.

TW for mentions of drug use. I'm gonna start with Luka. I've stated in the edit I made of the original post as well as in a few reblogs, but Luka is a victim. A lot of people are Luka haters, and that's valid! I am also, to an extent, a Luka hater.... even if I have a thing for blonde twinks with issues. But his character is also incredibly interesting. If you are familiar with Honkai: Star Rail, then you might understand what I'm saying when I think Luka is a combination of both Sunday AND Robin. He has the trapped bird in a cage mentality from Robin with the need for order and control mentality from Sunday. Order and control referring to winning being the only thing keeping his sanity in check.

Luka, as a human pet, is aware that he is playing a losing game. He needs to win, but he knows that winning Season 50 is not the end. He may have won against Till, but now the segyein are going to put him against Hyuna, considering Hyuna and Mizi were referred to as special guests. The way he looked at Hyuna in that last scene was part of him realizing this. It's the face you pull when you realize something horrible, but you need to keep face/keep your composure.

Their ear pieces are similar to their collars in that they show the emotions of the wearer. We can clearly see Till's earpiece glowing red the entire time (up until Mizi appears), and Luka's is constantly glowing green. Luka was seen in hysterics pretty much the entire time like the one frame where he's holding in his laughter.

Luka was drugged on something that makes him euphoric and lose his sense of control, like weed or cocaine. He found fucking with Till to be the funniest thing ever, but it's not normal for Luka to be so outwardly expressive of his elation. We know he enjoyed fucking with Mizi, even if it let to getting his ass beat, but even then, he wasn't as expressive then as he was with Till. That leads me to believe that he has something in his system to heighten his emotional output as well as some sort of adrenaline drug like what Till was most likely given.

What bugs me is that they don't show us what color his earpiece is as he looks at Hyuna. We see Till's earpiece turn green at Mizi, but does Luka's stay green as he looks at Hyuna? I feel it was orange, but that's just me.

Luka now knows what's about to happen, which is also why Hyuna tries to stop Mizi. Hyuna knew the whole time that if they were to save Till, they'd be walking straight into the trap. Mizi's heart is too kind and she's desperate to save Till.

Thankfully, what Hyuna had gone there for originally seems to be completed. Whatever files she was downloading was complete before she went after Mizi, and I think that's where were gonna see Issac and Dewey again. I think she might've been uploading those files to them so that they can take the lead from there. This leads me to my prediction for the next episode. (ill get to till last, hes my little meow meow and im not normal about him)

I don't think Blink Gone is done. I believe there is a part two to the Finals, and that round 7 wasn't even the final round. I've already stated that the most likely thing to happen next is Luka v Hyuna, but then I also talked about Issac and Dewey.

Hyuna could have gotten her hands on high profile data regarding Alien Stage. She sends the data to Dewssac, and they shut down the stage from the inside, allowing the resistance to come in and do a massive sweep, hopefully before either Hyuna, Luka, or Mizi dies.

Now, as for Mizi. We know Mizi is the main character, and there are people who are saying Till's death boosts her hero arc. Now there are two ways I see this happening, either:

Vivinos keeps up their streak of tragedy and kills off everyone, leaving Mizi isolated entirely.

Or someone (dewssac, hyuna, mizi, maybe even luka) pull through and live to save more people.

If it's the first one, Till is dead dead. If the second, Till has a chance at being alive.

There are many reasons why Till is most likely alive, and as a hopeful feeler... I also am clinging onto the more hopeful ending (the second option). Not just because "Haha guys I need Till to be alive, he's my bias" but also because seeing Mizi completely isolated and forced to fake a smile and perform would absolutely fucking destroy me and I don't think I'd ever be the same after that, honestly. Like that genuinely scares me.

There's the narrative of ALNST and vivimeng's beautiful storytelling. That is my number one hopeful reasoning for Till being alive. If Till dies here, it would be utterly nonsensical and it would ruin the narrative. It would completely void all of Ivan's character, for starters. I was just talking about this with @rockwgooglyeyes and Vant (idt they wanna be tagged here), but Ivan's character is static. He is not dynamic or fluid, but he is extraordinarily complex which makes up for it. He never really had an arc of his own unless you count what happened in his past during/before being bought by Unsha. His death is meant to haunt the narrative, meant to haunt Till. So why would he die, only for Till to die a few hours later? It would completely ruin what he was meant for and it would be so unsatisfying and bitter.

However, there's also the thematics of ALNST. Rock called out @pwippy for this already, but I'm gonna call them out too because fuck you plip (/j i love you plipster). Rock put it really well in these two excerpts I took from his post:

"Alien Stage is a universe full of suffering and pain for humans, forced to perform until they literally die on stage, all for the entertainment of the audience. It's not even meant as a way of exerting control or oppressing them, though it serves that purpose, because why would the seygein bother to oppress something that can't even fight back? Why go to the trouble of controlling something that is just a pet, whose cries are the fuel for a new age?"

Once again mentioning the Hunger Games because I genuinely can't help myself I love THG way too much, but that's the key difference between ALNST and THG: the human pets aren't being forced to do this because of a past rebellion and are being punished by the oppressing government... They're being thrown into this for fun. Full credit to @alien-til-i-stage who said this as a joke, but it is really fucking real, but the segyein bringing their human pets to watch ALNST in the audience are like people bringing dogs to a dog fight in real life. And that, I fear, puts into perspective as to just how much of a pet the humans are to the segyein. They are only there for entertainment. The resistance is mostly a thorn in their side as of right now (dewey and issac better change that next episode or istg) and killing these humans is simply just fun for them. They know humans can be hostile, just like dogs, but they tame them and make them docile and obedient, only to make them kill each other in the end, even if it's through a singing competition rather than an all out teeth and claws brawl. (except for round 5, that doesnt count)

"In this world of pain and suffering, perhaps death is a mercy. If Till is truly dead, then he no longer a tool for his oppressors, he is free of their control. For Ivan and Sua both of their deaths were mercies to them- Ivan was able to die for the one he loved, as was Sua, and neither of them were forced to live in a world without their beloved."

(thank you rock i love you pookie snookie)

He also mentions that it's not in character for Till to die, which I completely agree with. Till's persona is that of someone who wants to win, but not in the same way Luka needs to win. Till wants to win to live and survive with those he loves, he wants to win to beat the system, but considering how dystopian of a world this is, as much as he wants to win and save Mizi, he craves death as a freedom.

That out of the way, another thing that @junebluues actually got me to think about was this:

The bomb has Till's eyes and is crying as it knows it's going to die (assuming it's a sentient alien like Freddie). And the comparison here honestly opened my eyes a little bit and got me thinking.

Was Till a catalyst? Because that was a smoke bomb. I ended up thinking about it for a minute and came up with three possibilities where Till is a bomb/smoke bomb:

Mizi is using Till to hide her feelings

Till is the bomb that sets off a chain of events

Till is used to hide/cover up the real plan for either the segyein or for the resistance

I don't think it's the first one, I feel like it'd be closer to the other two, but any three of those could work. Because Mizi's feelings of despair over her situation can be hidden behind the hope as she reached out for Till. But as the smoke clears (Till dies) she remembers that it was, in fact, a bomb.

EDIT: Also, the lyric that plays during the smoke bomb scene is "No, don't look back now" which also kinda leads me to believe that Till is the start of a chain/domino effect. Once you knock the first domino, you can't go back.

I think someone somewhere had also talked about Till being forced to be used as a catalyst/bait again considering how well it worked here. There's a good chance Urak might have supplied the drugs to Till and also paid out or WAS paid out by another person to use Till as bait. Urak wouldn't want his pet that he is grossly possessive over to die that easily without every ounce of use being wrung out of him,,, something something Till being a Trojan Horse of sorts (thanks rock for that one, too).

EDIT: I also remembered that during the sequence in the song where the audience is singing the chorus and we see Ivan on the screens, is when Till looks like he's about to pass out. What gets me here is the fact that it is quite literally a chorus of vultures. The audience singing the chorus with images of Ivan surrounding him and seeing Luka mimic Ivan made Till realize that he was surrounded and that's when he started losing hope. It's why his reaction to Mizi is so prominent, because it's like she was there to save him from the vultures. The audience singing is my favorite and also least favorite part of the video/song because the feeling of being surrounded and cornered with everyone against you and their voices echoing in your head... really does it for me. I really want to animate this sequence from up close in Till's POV.

Anyways the 4th reason i had for the bomb theory was that Till is smoking hot (sorry). okay im done now i think,,,,,, i might actually come back with more because i think i forgot something... but i cant remember..... i forgor.....

other tags: @shakingparadigm @aakaneeee @ivanttakethis @k9punkout @crustyfloor @apriciticreveries @bluemoonscape @tsukacchako @nottoonedin @paperstarry

side note that i genuinely put more effort into my analyses than i have ever put into any school essay ever

edit: FUCK I WAS SUPPOSED TO ANALYZE THE LYRICS AGAIN GOD DAMNIT i dont feel like doing that anymore ill just do it later maybe

[merryclaus]

If you voted Republicans I say this with all seriousness, fuck you. From the bottom of my heart fuck you demonic bastards.

If you didn't vote, fuck you. Your ancestors went through too much and sacrificed too much in order to gain those rights, just for you bitches to sit there and be like "well my vote doesn't matter so why should I care?"

I want everyone else to hold on, stay strong, and work together to keep what little bit of sanity that's left in this county alive.

If you chose to move somewhere else, that's fine. This motherfucker will be impeached, whatever it takes he will be kicked out and arrested since he should have been in jail anyway.

Even if we have to make calls and march until he's thrown away and we get Kamala in the office.

WE ARE NOT GOING BACK!!!!

[moonstruckme]

Feels like home by bae miller and Jessie reyez with Eddie. This just screams causal dominance. Like they go to a party her dress is rising up but she’s alittle too drunk or faded to care so he pulls it down and she drinks to much so the next morning he fills her in on all the shenanigans they got up to. And even tho she does not like metal music she keeps the records in her room for him. So like after the party they come back to her place(I’m a sucker for Henderson reader) and then they take a nap after they wake up hung over and then stay up all night talking and being cuteeeeeee

Thanks for requesting honey! I forgot to include the part about the records, but I hope you like it anyway <3

cw: mentions of alcohol, hangover, blackout/missing memories

Eddie Munson x fem!reader ♡ 833 words

Eddie is a bit worried for himself. He’s woken up before you, face a whisper away from yours. Your mouth is open, a lazy river of drool pooling on his pillow, you’ve got total raccoon eyes going on after rubbing your eye makeup all over the place, and there is not one but two m&ms crusted to your cheek. And you’re the most beautiful thing Eddie’s ever seen. 

That’s got to be a problem, right? It can’t be good for his sanity to be this delusionally in love. 

It’s not long after he’s woken that you make a muffled whining sound, rolling onto your stomach. Eddie sets a hand between your shoulder blades, rubbing firmly. 

“Hey there,” he says, because he’s a selfish asshole who’d rather have you up with him than let you sleep. Whatever. He practically carried you home. You owe him one. 

You groan, a dragged-out sound of great hardship. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Fuck,” you whimper. 

“Hey, at least you didn’t throw up. Way to go, hot stuff.” He holds up your limp hand and high-fives it, grinning at his own stupid joke. 

You turn your head to the side, lids peeling open until dim slivers of consciousness are visible through your mess of makeup. “I didn’t?” 

Eddie chuckles at your confusion, giving your shoulder a loving squeeze. “No, you didn’t, baby. Don’t remember much about getting home, huh?” 

“Don’t remember much, period.” You start the miserable climb up the wall behind Eddie’s bed, clawing your way upright. An m&m falls from just under your cheekbone, leaving a small pink circle in its place. You reach up confusedly, brushing off the other one. “How did those get there?” 

Eddie shuffles closer to you, trading his pillow for your thigh. “You dug through a bag of trail mix for them before you knocked out.” 

Your lips pull to the side, considering, before you pick up the m&m and pop it in your mouth. “So, what did we do last night?” 

Eddie can’t honestly say it’s all crystal clear for him either. Some things stick out, like the image of your ass hanging out of your dress in the moments before he pulled the fabric down, over and over again, or the blissed-out look on your face when Eddie took a hit from his joint and blew the smoke into your waiting mouth. The feel of your lips against the shell of his ear when you leaned in close to whisper, I know we don’t like the same stuff, but can we agree that the music here is crap?

“You insisted on pissing on the Carver’s lawn on the way home from Sweeney’s place,” he reminds you. “I tried to stop you, but your ass is quick when you want something, you know that?” 

Your eyebrows raise a second before you nod approvingly. “Good. Very deserved, after what they did to you.” 

“My fucking hero,” Eddie drawls, twisting upwards to give you a kiss. It turns salacious fast, you burying your fingers in his curls and him sucking your bottom lip between his teeth. He climbs on top of you, hands bracketing your hips, and you make a magnificent keening sound a second before breaking away with a gasp. 

“Eddie,” you say breathlessly, an air of epiphany about you. “Eddie, you know what would be so good right now? Like, would be the best thing ever?” 

“What, sweet thing?” He rests his cheek against yours. Your hair smells like sweat and weed. 

“A McDonald’s hashbrown.” 

A chuckle rumbles through Eddie’s chest. “You’re still drunk.” 

He can hear the eye-roll in your voice. “Whatever, so are you. But doesn’t that sound good?” 

“Yeah, baby, it does.” He kisses your nose before leaning back to see you. “Two problems, though. McDonald’s doesn’t open for breakfast until five, and my van’s still parked at the curb outside Sweeney’s house.”

You go quiet, pensive. You start to chew on your lip, but Eddie thumbs it out from between your teeth, tutting. “Isn’t McDonalds on the way there?” you ask after a minute. 

He thinks about it. “I mean, if we go the way by the tracks, I guess it is.” 

You grin. “Then if we start walking now, we can hit it for hashbrowns on the way, and pick up your van after.” 

Eddie heaves a long-suffering sigh, letting his body slither down until his head rests on your lap again. 

You laugh, toying with the baby hairs at his temples. “C’mon, Eds, they’re gonna taste so good. Plus, you’ve gotta get your van anyway. Two birds, one stone.” 

“I know, my girl’s a fucking genius.” Eddie passes a hand over his face, steeling himself. “Okay, sweet thing, but you’re gonna have to change. I can’t be on dress duty when I’m double-fisting two hashbrowns.” 

You bend to kiss him happily between his eyebrows before shuffling out from under him. Eddie’s head hits the mattress, and he wonders if he might regret this.

[abbyslev]

okay but hange and reader going on a double date w erwin and levi 🤭🤭 ERURI 🔛🔝🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

𝑫𝑶𝑼𝑩𝑳𝑬 𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑺- 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮��� 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹 & 𝑬𝑹𝑼𝑹𝑰

A/N: OH EM GEE GUYS i GUESSSSSSS🙄🙄🙄 i wrote this for my totally not sweet kind gorgeous sexy beautiful kind funny hilarious angelic friend who i love so much🙄🙄 TOTALLY NOT🙄🙄 anyways I ENJOYED WRITING THIS SM LIKE UGH ITS SO CUTE I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS REEEEAAAAGGGG

double dates are A NEED

either a fancy dinner or a bar

erwin always always ALWAYS pays 

hange reaches for the check and erwin just slides his card in there 

you four alternate at which restaurant 

you guys never ever run out of topics to talk about!!

you guys having baking dates

erwin and levi def have a bakery together, so they try and teach you and hange 

hange ends up messing things up and levi’s like “ykw you just watch for the sake of my sanity” 

THE TREATS COME OUT YUMMY

YOU GUYS GO ON HIKESSSS!!

hange and you know lots of good trails 

erwin’s def the type of person to bring 100 water bottles, snacks, bug spray, bandaids, ALL OF IT 

levi is complaining about his shoes getting dirty 

hange picked up random bugs and erwin’s like “oh ok! interesting… set it down.” 

“he’s not gonna hurt you, eyebrows” hange rolled their eyes smfh 

beach dates omg they are the cutest 

again, here comes erwin with everything in his house 

hange splashes everyone while levi’s like “:|”

can’t even lie erwin made some BANGER sandwiches 

you told hange to let it digest before going back to swimming 

“nothings gonna happen you’re just overthinking it!” hange fired back 

also them in the car on the ride home “Y/NNNN MY STOMACH HURTSSS!!”

ooo late night homemade dinner nights 

erwin and levi bring the best local wine and steak 

you make stuffed baked potatoes and hanges just sitting there like :D

oooof the topics hall get into are crazy 

from the deepest darkest theories to hange’s crazy thoughts 

you guys are so different, you and hange hold hands and hange likes to eat off of your plate as to where erwin and levi sit by each other and keep pda to a minimum LMAO

hange def knows a place where cherry blossom trees bloom every year 

hange takes you guys there and you make a picnic basket 

levi and erwin enjoy it very much :) 

they had a moment where levi just laid on erwin’s lap and erwin ran his fingers through his hair 

hange was def trying to climb trees or something 

DOUBLE DATE VACATIONS OMG you guys love traveling together 

erwin def organizes the trip 

hange knows a bunch of different languages so you guys can basically go anywhere and they know it 

nothing is ever a secret between you four 

erwin is a gossip FIEND 

hange and levi aren’t that into the gossip so they usually merge into their own conversations 

wine tasting is def a need for erwin

levi prefers his tea tasting but he’ll do whatever for his husband I GUESSS

double dates are a need no matter what, plus what’s better than getting four friends together ?? NOTHING 

[phangirlof]

Is it Over Now?

Pairing: Willhelm x Simon

Word Count: 7451

Summary: Picks up Two years after season1 of Young Royals. Simon decides it’s best to break things off and move on despite that being the last thing either him or Willhelm want to do.

Two years. Simon tried to hold back tears as his thoughts kept racing to places he couldn't get them away from. For the last two years he’d been Willhelm’s dirty little secret. His hidden trophy. The toy he kept selfishly from the rest of the kids. At first it was much easier to push these thoughts to the side but now? After countless secret sleepovers and meet ups. Short lived glances in the hallways or across the lunch table. He was so tired of feeling guilty and ashamed of himself, as if he was doing something wrong. Like some part of who he was was dirty. 

He loved that boy with everything in him. From his heart to his soul and everything else in between. No one he’d ever met had even come close to making him feel the way Wilhelm did, but at the same time no one had quite broken his spirit as much as he did either. 

“If you loved me I wouldn’t feel like this Wille. If you loved me like you say you do then I wouldn’t have to lie about our relationship to the whole world. I want someone to love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly and not worry about the consequences. They love me and they would stop at nothing or no one to love me. And I know that you can’t do that.” 

“But I do. I really really do Simon. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

“It’s okay, I know it’s not your fault.” 

The look in Willhelm’s eyes was slowly ripping Simon’s heart to shreds. All he wanted was to stay strong and get through this conversation. Move on and finally close the door on this chapter of his life. He was tired of hurting but hurting Wilhelm was truly the last thing he wanted to do. 

“Please Si, don’t do this. Give me just a little more time and I’ll make everything right. I promise.” The tears continued to fall and Wilhelm didn’t care to wipe them away. 

“I love you. I always will but for my own sanity I just can’t do this anymore.”

Simon gathered his belongings and started to make his way home, leaving Wilhelm behind. What had started out as a nice day alone, the two boys laying around on a blanket hidden away at a park nearby Simon’s house turned into the one thing Simon never anticipated. Their breakup. The further away he walked, the more tears of his own cascaded along his cheeks. Although he wanted nothing more than to turn around and run back into Wilhelm’s arms, he knew this was for the best, despite how shitty and broken he felt. 

In the distance he could hear Willhelm calling his name. Simon didn’t know what else could be said but he turned around anyway. 

“I will do whatever it takes to be with you.” Simon didn’t know how to respond so he just gave the other boy a weak smile and carried on the way he came. 

It’d been months since he last talked to Willhelm. Some days were easier than others. Some days he was really busy with classes, studying extra hard especially with graduation closer than ever, and the rowing team. Now that August was gone, Simon had been voted team captain and he had more responsibility than ever. But it was days like this that got to him the worst. Days where he was all caught up on homework and all of his friends were too busy to hangout. Days where he had nothing to keep his thoughts occupied. 

It would start with small memories like their first kiss or when they first met. The way he caught Willhelm’s attention and held onto which always resulted in an adorable, pink blush spreading across Willhelm’s face and him sheepishly looking away. Then he would move on to thinking about their first sleepover at his house. They were so excited to spend so much alone time together, they accidentally stayed up all night talking. No matter how many good memories came to mind, everything always ended up going back to the sex scandal and how alone he felt when Willhelm denied all the rumors. 

A knock on Simon’s door gratefully interrupted his thoughts. He reached for his phone, turning the music down he had originally turned on to ease his thoughts. “Simon, it’s Sara. Open up!” Sara shouted after knocking once more. A small grin took over his face. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t be so impatient.” He rolled out of bed to let her in. 

“Hello.” She said. Sara gave Simon a little wave as she entered the room and plopped down on his bed. “Hey Sara, what are you doing here? Not that I don’t enjoy your company.” Simon said, taking claim of the other side of the bed. “I thought you were going to a party with Felice tonight.”

“I am, but I wanted to see if you’d come too.” Despite the overwhelming urge to just stay in his room, Simon knew it was much better than being stuck thinking about things he couldn’t change. “Umm, yeah. I’d love to. What time does it start?” He asked. 

“I think about an hour ago.” She said with a quick shoulder shrug. Simon couldn’t help but laugh. “And you waited ‘til after the party started to see if I wanted to go?” 

“Yeah, I kinda forgot about the party so when Felice called I told her I was waiting on you to get ready. She’s waiting on us downstairs so I need you to hurry up.” Simon shook his head and continued to laugh. 

“Okay well get out so I can change and I’ll be down there soon.” Sara left without another word. Simon looked through piles of clothes trying to decide what to wear. He hadn’t been out in so long he had no clue what to wear. After a brief moment of panic he decided he would wear something simple. A plain t-shirt and jeans. It’s not like I have anyone to impress. Simon pushed the thought aside and finished getting ready. His final touches were a couple of bracelets, a chain, and a spritz of cologne. The last thing he did before he left for the night was shove his phone in his pocket and cut off his bedroom lights and with that he was on his way to the party.

***

Simon’s head was killing him. He’d gotten way too drunk way too fast and now he was paying for it. He couldn’t go too long without throwing up. Not to mention every time he tried to stand up his vision blurred and he ended right back on the floor. In all of the party hype he’d also managed to lose Sara and Felice. Gratefully for him he’d managed to find the bathroom which is exactly where he had spent most of his night. Hugged up to one of the nastiest toilets he’d ever seen was the quietest place he’d been since he arrived at this party, not that he was complaining. 

Simon patiently waited for everything to stop spinning and his stomach to settle before he tried to get up again. Once he was up and moving, he slowly made his way back to the party. To his shock the teenage chaos had settled down some. Usually these parties would go on the whole weekend. Whoever was in charge of the music had completely changed the vibe. Before he left they were blaring loud, bass heavy rap music and now it was smooth r&b. It was very soothing to him. Now Simon could actually hear himself think.

“There y-you are, we’ve been l-looking for you!” Sara slurred, latching Simon into a drunken side hug. Felice tried to gently pull her off so they could talk. “Really, where have you been? We looked all over for you!” Felice exclaimed. She was nowhere near as drunk as Simon or Sara. “I got really d-dizzy and s-sick. I don’t know how I got there, but I ended up in the b-bathroom.” Simon replied, sending a lazy gesture towards the men’s room he’d just left. 

“Well I’m glad you’re okay, but I guess that means you haven’t heard.” Felice’s entire demeanor changed once she finished her sentence. Simon looked at her puzzled. “What do you m-mean? Have I heard w-what?” Felice silently took out her phone and handed it to him. 

Upon first glance Simon had no clue what he was looking at. His eyes just wouldn’t focus in, but after a moment of struggling he finally got it. It was someone’s instagram. Simon checked the username. It was Willhelm’s account. The post itself was nothing but a black screen, however Simon came to realize that the caption was what was important. 

Hello. Willhelm here. Against my mother’s wishes I have two announcements to make. My first announcement is my coming out. I’m gay. Yep, the crown prince is gay. Someone very important to me made it clear that a life of hiding who I really am to keep up a fake persona is not one worth living, so I won’t be living it anymore. I hurt the most important person in my life trying to please everyone else and this is only the first step to make it up to them. I’m proud to be who I am and from here on out I will always be proud and open about it. Now that that’s out of the way my second announcement is to let everyone of Sweden know that I am stepping down from my position of Crown Prince. I’m well aware that after the passing of my brother, it was my duty to take his place, but it was never what I wanted. All I ever wanted was to be a normal kid and to live a normal life and that’s exactly what I intend to do. Thank you for reading, but for now this is all I have to say. 

Simon just kept reading the long message over and over again. He was racking his brain just trying to understand exactly what Willhelm had done. He finally publicly came out. He told the entire world that he was gay. The two had had too many conversations about this although Simon never thought Willhelm would ever actually be able to. He was the crown prince of Sweden after all. He had a certain prestigious, good boy image to keep up and his mother made it very clear what he was and wasn’t allowed to share with the public.

It was the second part of the message that Simon really had trouble wrapping his brain around. Willhelm was stepping down? Is that allowed? Is there anyone else to take his place? There’s no way in hell his mother will actually allow this. Simon had so many thoughts racing through his head. He just couldn’t make sense of it all. 

“Simon, Simon?” Felice was snapping her fingers in front of him, trying to get his attention. “Are you okay?”

“I,” Simon was at a complete loss for words. And thoughts. And feelings. He had no idea what this meant or if this even meant anything for him. “don’t know.” Surely Willhelm didn’t do this for him. Too much time had passed since he’d even laid eyes on him. There was no way he did this for him. 

Simon closed his eyes. He needed just one moment to think. This was too much for him to handle right now. He’d spent these last few months trying to convince himself that Wilhelm was well on his way to moving on. He kept trying to beat it into his brain that their break up was for the best and that everything would be okay. That he was on his way to moving on too. However all it took was some stupid instagram post to ruin all his progress. 

Felice hooked one arm around Sara and the other around Simon.“Hey Simon, let’s get you back to the dorms.” Simon opened his eyes and shook his head in agreement. The longer he stayed at this party, the harder it got to breathe. He knew he was being ridiculous, nevertheless it felt like everyone was staring at him. It felt like everyone had read the same thing he did, but they knew he was the reason behind it all. 

Maybe it was his lack of attention or maybe it was all the shortcuts Felice was taking, but Simon was back in his room in no time. Felice had gotten him everything he could need before she left. A cold bottle of water and a back up one for later, a trash can, and a couple of snacks. He was starving. After the party and Wilhelm’s bombshell announcement, he’d barely realized he hadn’t eaten anything all night. He had other things on his mind right now. He had millions of questions. All in all, he was still having a hard time comprehending exactly what had happened tonight. 

After all, what was the point of all this? As far as he knew Wilhelm was finally accepting all his royal responsibilities. The last few times they were together, Wilhelm actually seemed kinda excited. In fact he’d been doing so well with representing the royal family and behaving himself (to the Queen’s standards of course), the Queen herself was quite impressed. Simon didn’t know when things changed for Wilhelm, or why he might be the turning point for him. 

Simon sighed and reached into his pocket for his phone. It was six am. He was exhausted. Tonight had been way too much for him to handle. Earlier that night was the drunkest he’d been since his first year of Hillerska. Simon put his phone on the charger and not long after he set it down he fell asleep.

***

“Hello darling, how’s your food?” Simon’s mother asked him as she took her place across the dining room table. 

“Amazing, as always. Your cooking never disappoints!” He’d said with a full face grin. After the whirlwind of emotions and events that had occurred this past weekend, Simon decided it'd be best if he just came home and spent some quality time with his mom. He loved coming home. It always felt as though his mother had a special  way of making all his worries disappear. 

He appreciated his father springing out the money to secure him and Sara dorms at Hillerska, but sometimes he preferred staying with his mother. He had everything he needed here. He didn’t want to argue with his father, so he just let him do this and thanked him for his kindness. Getting them in the dorms was the first big thing he’d done for them in a very long time. He just let his father have that little victory and just came home whenever he needed.

“Thank you love, how is school coming along?”

“Good. A little tough right now, overall good. Classes feel like they're never ending with homework and projects, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” Simon replied.

“Well it seems to be that you have a good outlook on things. How is the rowing team coming along? Do you guys know when your next event is?”

“We don’t know an exact date yet, however we think there should be another next month. If we win that one we’ll qualify for regionals. That’s the one we’ll travel for. Regionals ”

“That’s great Simon. Make sure to let me know when everything is, so I can request off from work. I’ve been picking up extra shifts, and we can turn regionals into a whole little family vacation. If you’re up for it.” 

I smiled at my mom. The thought of a getaway was amazing. We hadn’t gone anywhere just to enjoy things and relax as a family since I was younger. “I love that.”

My mother and I carried on a conversation for a while. We continued talking about our future vacation plans and all the things we could do. It was just so nice to be here with her. Being home always brought me to peace. Eventually we ended up finishing dinner. I helped my mother clear the table and put away the leftovers. I washed the dirty dishes as Mom dried them and put them away. We took place in the living room. As we continued to chat, I reached for the tv remote. 

“What would you like to watch?” I said. Once the tv came to life, I noticed it was on a news channel.

“Anything’s fine with me dear.” Mom replied. 

I was about to change the channel when something caught my attention. Footage of a car wreck flashed across the screen. It was a terrible pile up with many vehicles involved. 

“Simon, you should change that.” Mom began.

“I know mom. It must be important if it made the news though.” I said.

“True enough, but don’t leave it on for too long. You know I don’t really care to watch stuff like that.”

“I won't, I just want to see what it’s about.”

“More in about tonight’s terrible crash. We’ve gotten updates about what caused the crash. It turns out the semi-truck involved lost control of his brakes. He couldn’t slow down in time to avoid the cars in front of him. This led to a pile up as several cars behind the truck did not see this coming in time and hit the truck as well”

“Simon sweetie, I really think you should go ahead and switch to something else. This is horrible.”

“I know Mom, I just want to know.”

“The truck was transporting nothing but gasoline, so upon impact of the two government cars in front of him, there was an immediate explosion. Four people were airlifted to the nearest hospital however everyone in the government vehicles died on the scene. This includes not only several Royal bodyguards but the entire remaining members of the Royal Family. It’s incredibly sad to think about. It’s been two years since the death of Prince Eric, as well as not even a week since Crown Prince Wilhelm took to social media announcing his self-disowning of the Crown, but now we are left with no one from the immediate family. It’s one of the worst days Sweden has seen-”

Simon shut the TV off. The silence that followed was heavy. His mother didn’t dare speak a word. Not that it would help Simon in any way right now. 

He should’ve listened. Why doesn’t he ever listen?

The lump in his throat was too thick to swallow. Simon kept trying to. He couldn’t help himself. His mind was on several planets away right now. He’d heard and seen alot of things this week. He had gotten way too drunk to handle. He practically made out with the grossest toilet he’d ever seen. He read Wilhelm’s coming out and resignation of sorts all in one post. Now here he was with the news that not only had Wilhelm been in a car wreck, but he was dead. 

He had so much life to live. He had too many things to finish. Too much world to see. Too many laughs to laugh, smiles to smile, cries to cry. As much as Simon hated the thought, too many other people to fall in love with. He will never fall in love and get to love shamelessly and fully. He will never start a family. He will never get to be prince, no matter how much he hated that. 

Simon’s mind was running rampant, but he started to reel in. 

Wilhelm won’t see college. 

He won’t graduate high school. 

He won’t be there for regionals, barely two months away. 

Wilhelm was gone. Wilhelm is gone. 

Simon didn’t realize it, but tears were streaming down his face. His breathing had become short and staggered. So short that he could barely catch it. It felt like he was starting to hyperventilate. Suddenly he couldn’t keep enough oxygen in his lungs and his chest began to sting. 

Despite the desperate calls of his mother being the only sound to fill the room, all he could hear was ringing. A high pitched ringing that wouldn’t stop. He tried to speak, but once again all he could hear was the ringing. Nothing else. Simon kept trying. Over and over again. He tried to shout out for his mother. For Sara. For Wilhelm. He could feel the sting in his throat from the yelling. He just wanted to hear himself, his mother, anything but this god damn ringing. Wilhelm. Wilhelm. He wanted to hear Wilhelm. Speak to him one more time. Look into his eyes as he held him. He wanted to be with him. He was stupid for ever breaking things off in the first place. So fucking stupid. All he did was rob himself of the last few years of his life, of his own happiness. 

“Simon, baby can you hear me?” His mother was desperate for a response. She had never seen Simon break down like this. It was to no avail. Simon was worlds away in his own grief. She quickly rushed to his side and wrapped her arms around him. Simon buried his face in his mothers shoulder and continued to sob. 

***

The early morning sun shone through the cracks in the curtains. Simon flipped over to get away from the light that hit directly on his face. He grabbed the closest thing to him and brought it to his chest. It was soft and squishy. Simon opened his eyes to get a good look at it. It was his childhood stuffed animal. Simon had slept with this toy for years. It was one of the last things his father bought him before him and his mother split.

Simon got a good look at it. It was a small tiger. The black stripes had faded beyond belief. There was a small tear at the tail where Simon used to swing the toy around. 

The first thing that registered when Simon woke up was the smell of pancakes. He realized he was still at his mother’s house. A yawn overtook Simon’s face and he just let in. Simon sat up, swinging his feet out of the bed. His eyes fell onto the fish tank across the room. Watching the bright colored fish dart past each other. He smiled. He was reminded of memories of him and Wilheim watching them and making up stories of what they were doing in there. 

Wilheim. As fast as the good memories came, they left. Thoughts of the crash resurfaced. The images were so clear in his mind it felt like he’d been there. Simon choked up a sob. He covered his mouth. He couldn’t even control it. It happened too fast for him to realize. Wilheim died last night. His Wilheim. Wilheim. Gone. Just gone. You’ll never see him again. You’ll never hear him again. He’ll never speak to you, call you, text you. Look at you. Nothing. 

Tears clouded his vision and the sobs took over his body. The more these thoughts flooded his mind the less he could comprehend past the pain ripping through his body. Simon’s legs collapsed beneath him and he fell to the ground. He didn’t want to alarm his mother, however he was a wreck right now. Simon cried and cried. He didn’t know what else to do. All he felt was grief and sadness. The love of his life had vanished so quickly. So unpredictably. He wished he could go back and rewrite their story. He would love him more. He would care for him more. Listen more. Try to understand him and see their situationship from his point of view. 

The more he cried the more selfish he felt. In a way he felt responsible for what happened. If only he would’ve listened to him. Maybe they would’ve been together last night enjoying the safety of each other in one of their dorms. The thought did damage. Terrible damage. He was crying so hard he couldn’t catch his breath. It felt like there wasn’t enough air in this room. He had to get out. He needed air. He needed space. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Simon gathered all the strength he had to get off the floor. His legs were still shaky but at least he was up. He flung the door open and started running to the best of his ability. His mother was in the kitchen finishing breakfast. She attempted to call out for Simon but he rushed past her and out the front door. 

He didn’t know where to go but he felt like he couldn’t stop his legs now that they started to work. He ran down the street and the next one and the next one and the next. Houses and buildings were nothing but blurs as he kept pushing himself further and further away. He ignored the ache in his legs. He didn’t care about it right now. The wind on his face kept him going. He didn’t feel so trapped anymore and that’s all he cared about. He could breathe again. He could feel something other than the heartache that had been plaguing him since last night again. 

Simon started to slow down. The burning of his calves catching up to him. Eventually he came to a halt. He was breathing heavily and sweat poured off of him. He couldn’t recall a time when he’d run so fast for so long. Simon looked around him, taking in his surroundings. He was at a park across town at least 30 or 40 minutes away from his mother’s house. He began walking again, hoping to find a bench or table or anywhere to just rest after his trek. Just ahead of him he saw a picnic table. He found his place at the table. Simon put his head down on the table, taking deep breaths to soothe the sting of his lungs and the sharp prickling in his legs.

He didn’t know how long he’d been running. He’d lost all sense of time. He felt around his pockets for his phone, but came up empty handed. Guilt hit him like a ton of bricks. His mother was probably worried sick. He was never like this. Leaving so abruptly and in general just breaking down so badly. He needed to get home. 

Simon decided to try to make it back on foot. He wasn’t extremely familiar with the area, but he had been around a few times in his life. Before he attended Hillerska he had school friends that lived here. He had a vague memory of a few back roads that would send him in the right direction. After what Simon thought was at least fifteen minutes he found himself more familiar with the part of town he was in. If memory serves him correctly he’s not too far from his childhood best friend’s house. A few twists and turns later and he was approaching the house he’d spent some of his best days in. 

Simon knocked on the front door. He wasn’t completely sure if Elias or his family still lived here, but he figured it was worth a shot. A quick moment later he heard shuffling from inside the home. He took a step back from the door. He was met with the sight of his dear friend’s mother. Shock and surprise shone on her face, but happiness quickly replaced both of them. 

“Simmie, I have not seen you in ages! Come in, come in! Are you well? How are you? What are you doing these days?” She bombarded him with many questions. He didn’t know who to expect at the door, but the sight of her relieved his brief anxieties. “I’m okay Ma. Graduation is around the corner. I’m not into too much lately. Just school and I’m on the rowing team there.”

She hugged him as soon as the door was closed. “That’s wonderful Simmie! Are you studying hard? Oh my goddess how are your Mom and Sara? What are they up to? Gosh, It’s been too long really.” Simon laughed at her excitement. She was always a ray of sunshine. It was hard to feel down around her. “They’re fine. Good actually. Mom works at the hospital in town. Sara is good. She’s found good friends and enjoys school. She spends all her free time horse riding. Her favorite place to be is in the stables with her horses.”

Elias’ mother looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear. “That is so good to hear. It makes me happy. What brings you to this side of town Simmie? Your house is half an hour away right?” She questioned. 

SImon’s gaze dropped to the floor. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. He should’ve anticipated this question. He tried to come up with something convincing. “I was going for a run. I’ve been working on endurance and just stopped paying attention I guess.” He chuckled awkwardly. She seemed to buy his story, so he kept going. “I left my phone at home, but didn’t go back for it ‘cause I didn’t think I’d be gone too long. I was hoping I could use your phone to call my mom to come get me.”

“Of course sweetheart. Let me grab it for you.” Without hesitation the older woman was searching the room for her cellphone. “Ah and here it is.”

Simon grabbed the phone graciously. He quickly dialed his mother’s number. The phone barely reached the first ring before she answered. “Yes, hello?”

“Hey mom. It’s Simon.”

“Oh Simon! I almost had a heart attack when you raced out. You scared me so bad. I tried to run after you but you were just so quick. Are you alright? Where are you now?” She exclaimed. Her words came out quickly and they rushed together. “I called Ayub after you left and he’s out looking for you now.”

“I’m okay mom. Just ran to clear my head. I left my phone in my room or I would’ve called you sooner. Sorry to worry you. Can you come get me? I’m at Elias’ family home. I’m calling you from his mother’s phone.”

Simon could hear her sigh of relief over the phone. “Thank the heavens you are okay. I was so so worried something was going to happen to you love. I will be there shortly. I’m going to call your friend and let him know you're safe.”

“Okay Mom. I love you. I will see you soon.” Simon hung up the phone and handed it back to Elias’ mother. She sat at the dining table across the room and motioned for him to join her. She struck up a conversation with him. She began informing him of everything he’s missed over the years. She filled him in on Elias and his current whereabouts. Simon learned his old friend ended up studying abroad in another country. He was content in this moment. The two just went back and forth detailing their lives out until Simon’s mother got there. 

The journey home was much faster than the run over and for that Simon was grateful. His mother did not question him on his previous behavior, another thing Simon was grateful for. Once they arrived home he rushed inside. He wanted to take a shower and get changed. 

Simon turned the knob noticing it was unlocked. “Mom, I think you forgot to lock the door.” 

“I thought I had, but I was also in a hurry to get to you.” She said. 

“I’m sorry Mom, I really didn’t mean to worry you. I’m not even sure what came ov-,” Simon stopped mid sentence as he turned into the house. 

He blinked and he blinked and he blinked, but it didn’t change the fact that Wilhelm was standing in his kitchen. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself. Any words Simon knew left his brain. He couldn’t fathom the scene playing in front of him. Surely this was not his Willhelm. Surely he was confused. This couldn’t be the same Willhelm that he’d loved and laughed with. The one he’d cried with, cried over, cried because of. This couldn’t be the one he’d just started mourning last night. The very same Willhelm that he’d barely braced himself to never see again. 

“Simon,” He started to speak but he didn’t say anymore. His voice was hoarse as if he’d been crying or screaming for hours. Willhelm ran to him. He threw his arms around him urgently. Simon let himself fall right into Willhelm’s arms. Simon was still in complete shock. He couldn't understand what was happening to him. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. On repeat in his mind. It was the only thought in his head. He didn’t know how or why this was happening, but all he knew was he must be hallucinating his soulmate holding onto him for dear life. 

“Simon my mom,” Simon felt a wetness on his shoulder. “My dad,” As Willhelm tried to speak, his body shook on and off. “They’re dead Si.” He choked out. Simon still couldn’t find his words. He could feel the rapid drumming of his heart against his chest. His limbs grew weaker the longer the two stood together, wrapped around each other. 

“I was supposed to be with them. I blew up on Mom and screamed at her and stormed off. I was supposed to be in that car with them Si.” Willhelm barely made out the words between his sobs. He had never seen the bubbly boy so inconsolable in their relationship. His problems had always been bigger than Simon could imagine. Royal duties and an image to upkeep, but this was different. This was a much deeper than anything the two had taken on together. First his brother, his first best friend, the only one that understood him and cared about what he had to say. Now both of his parents in a single instant were gone. 

A trail of tears fell from Simon’s eyes despite his knowledge. He could feel the earth crumbling under Willhelm much like he’d experienced last night and just a few hours ago himself. He had no idea what losing your parents felt like, but he had experienced an unbearable sense of grief. 

“I’m so sorry WIlle. I'm so sorry.” It was all he could muster out, but it didn’t matter. Simon knew that. Willhelm continued sobbing and shaking. He didn’t have the energy for anything else. In the emotional chaos the two slowly ended up on the couch. Simon’s mother watched wordlessly. She had never been a part of a situation like this. She knew the boys were in two very different states of shock and anguish, but without any true way to help she just sat at the kitchen table waiting in case either of them needed anything. 

***

Simon woke up in a mountain of pillows and blankets. He was hot and sweaty and overall overwhelmed. His body was flushed with sweat and his clothes clung to his sweatier skin. He attempted to roll over and found himself stuck in place. When he looked over his shoulder he saw Willhelm curled up to his back. His face was buried into the top of his back. One arm underneath Simon’s neck and another wrapped around his waist. They’re legs were intertwined between the blanket mound. All of yesterday’s memories flooded back instantly. His breakdown, his run across town, coming home to see Willhelm, the two crying with each other until they passed out. 

Simon eased out of Willhelm’s grasp. He pulled away some of the blankets and began folding them. He turned behind him. In the kitchen his mother was still sat the kitchen table. She had fallen asleep there. She’d covered herself with a thick blanket. She had also taken one of the small couch cushions as a pillow. A pang of guilt struck him. She had to be so lost and clueless to the mess he was in.

Simon crossed through the small space to get to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook gently. “Mama,” He continued shaking until he felt her stir. “Mama, go lay down. We’re fine. Get some decent rest.” His mother stretched his arms high above her. 

“Are you sure my love?” She asked in a sleepy whisper. “Yes. Thank you for being by our sides, but you need to rest.” She stood up and collect her pillow. Before she left for her room she grabbed Simon’s face and kissed his forehead. She held his face in her hands, cupping them at his cheeks. “I love you so much Simon. I will do anything for you. Never forget it.” Simon nodded. Without another word, she went to her room. 

Simon turned back towards Willhelm. He still slept peacefully behind him. He joined the boy back on the couch, only sitting on the edge. He caressed his face carefully. He let his fingertips drift along the surface of the paler boy’s face. He’d missed him. He’d missed him so so much. More than he’d ever even realized he did. He’d missed his smile. The way his hair fell so softly against his face. He’d missed the way his hands felt within his own and how his skin always felt so soft underneath his fingertips. The smell of him. The smell he couldn’t find anywhere else no matter how hard he searched. He had missed this boy so much. 

The weight on his heart was lifted. Simon was beyond lucky that the tragedy that had struck hadn’t taken his love away. He couldn’t stop thinking about how less than a day ago he didn’t know if he would ever be okay again. He had no idea how he was going to live on without Willhelm. In this moment at least he didn’t have to think that way. Willhelm was here with him. He was right in front of him. On his couch. In his home. 

Simon felt Willhelm’s body. He was just as sweaty as Simon was earlier. He didn’t want to disturb the boy, but he didn’t want him to be so uncomfortable either. “Wille,” He ran a hand through his hair, and kissed his forehead. “Wake up Wille.” He didn’t budge. Simon kept trying to wake him. “Wake up Willie. Wake up love bug.” Simon started tugging at his arms. After a little while Willhelm began to rise. His swollen eyes fluttered open. He blinked multiple times as his eyes adjusted to the morning sun. 

“What time is it?” Willhelm managed out in between a long yawn. Simon looked around for his phone. It was on the side table on the other side of the couch. He didn’t remember putting it there. His mother must have done it. He retrieved it off the charger and unlocked it. He had many missed calls and messages from his friends. Everyone had sent some variation of “are you okay, we’re worried about you.” He decided he would reply to those later. 

“Eight am.” Simon finally answered. Willhelm brought his knees up on the couch and wrapped his arms around his legs, nestling them to his chest. Simon could see reality cascading back to him. 

The two sat in silence for a moment. Neither of them knew what to say or even what came next. Willhelm had no idea what his future would hold now or what he would do with it. Simon wanted to ask, but he knew that asking would probably send Willhelm into a bad spiral right now. 

“I’m sorry Si.” Willhelm mustered. 

“What are you sorry for?” Simon inquired.

“Bombarding you last night, but I needed you.”

“I’m not mad at you for anything, and you don’t need to feel sorry. I’ve needed you too.”

“I didn’t know if you were gonna be home and when no one was here after I let myself in I was gonna leave. I’d been here for about 15 minutes and decided to go before someone called the cops on me and then you came in.”

“This doesn’t feel real honestly. I never thought I’d see you again.” Simon’s voice dropped to a whisper. He’d finally vocalized the thoughts that had taken over his brain. 

“My whole plan was to get to you.” Willhelm’s eyes dropped to the floor. Him and Simon couldn’t get their eyes off each other as the conversation began, but now Willhelm was losing confidence. 

“I only wanted you Si. I didn’t care about being King anymore if that meant I couldn’t have you.”

Simon felt tears building in his eyes. He was tired of crying. He couldn’t help them though. Willhelm had just confirmed one of his nagging suspicions. Deep in his heart he knew that Willhelm had given up the crown for him. He felt so selfish for thinking it the first time it came to mind, but he just knew that Willhelm would do something like this. He had hoped for his sake he was wrong. He hoped he wouldn’t give up the only life he knew just for him. 

“But why Wille? You know I would never have asked that of you.”

“You didn’t have to.  I told you I’d do whatever it took to be with you and I meant it. You are the single most important person to me. It ate away at me everyday that you felt so shameful of our relationship and that I wasn’t doing all I could to prove my love for you, so I made the biggest move I could possibly make to show you I was serious.” Willhelm reached for Simon’s hands. He took both of them in his own and held onto them tightly. As if he was falling and he was desperate for him to hold on to him. “You deserved more. You deserve more, and I hope you can let me begin to make it up to you. If you don’t I can understand that. I can understand if you’ve moved on or just want to be without me. I would totally understand if you felt that way. Tell me no and I will leave you alone.”

Simon thought back to the day he broke everything off with Willhelm. 

“If you loved me I wouldn’t feel like this Wille. If you loved me like you say you do then I wouldn’t have to lie about our relationship to the whole world.”

He was so broken. He felt like his life was crumbling away with every word he spoke. Everything he had known, the life and the boy he’d grown so comfortable with was falling apart at his own hands. 

“I want someone to love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly and not worry about the consequences. They love me and they would stop at nothing or no one to love me. And I know that you can’t do that.” 

Simon remembered the pure anguish in Willhelm’s eyes. The brokenness of his spirit. He felt like he was looking into a mirror because everything he saw in Willhelm, he felt in himself a hundred times over. That was the last time they spoke before yesterday and here they were all these months later. The feelings he’d felt for him hadn’t left. Simon had spent everyday wishing and begging to himself for Willhelm to come back to him. He felt stupid every time he did it, but he did it anyway. All he wanted was a do over. A fresh slate to love each other how they both wanted and needed.

“Wille, all I’ve ever wanted is you. I want to spend every minute of every day with you.”

“So is that a yes, you’ll let me make it up to you?” A pink blush took over Willhelm’s face as he popped the question. 

Simon had let a couple of tears fall as he was thinking, but Willhelm’s obliviousness made him laugh. 

“Of course that’s a yes.” Willhelm smiled. A true, goofy smile spanning from ear to ear. “Thank god.” He mumbled, lounging straight into Simon’s arms. He’d thrown his arms around Simon’s neck, enveloping him into a hug. Simon instinctively did the same. 

“I love you Wille.” Simon said into the crook of his neck.

“I have always loved you and I always will. I would crawl to the end of the earth for you.”

“I know.”

[sidewayspeace444]

Sooo…..

I’m not sure how to word this and hopefully it’s not long, but I’ll begin by saying, Chris Evans’ fandom just needs to ignore EVERYTHING from his side, that includes his friends, family, the “wife” and her friends, etc.

I do believe there may be more than meets the eye with this mess behind the scenes, but I also recognize that as much as this entire “shitshow” as its now been deemed, seems phony and fake…. At this point, let’s just say it’s what it is. Chris is a married man and he married a woman that I don’t believe he truly knows, but that’s on him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

See, looking back at everything, even if this started as PR, which I’m partial to believe…..Chris still sat his ass on stage last week and said he…. Married a woman from Portugal. 😂

But, I remember his likes on IG years ago, he liked and followed some big booty fitness influencer and no, not that Sara chick. I think he and 🐟 might’ve had a PR thing that started professionally and then he liked whatever, but when it was time to “debut” this mess….. his dumbass never expected the backlash. If this has always been real or pr turned real or just pr, etc he never expected fans to deep dive into the problematic woman who keeps trolling his fandom? See, people stated her IG cleaned up of over 100 posts so he or someone knew enough. He is not permanently attached to racist scum.

Look Chris is a very privileged white male, like….DUH!

But look how he talks about project roles, so many deserving actors and actresses are out here scraping for decent roles and then there’s Chris….Mr. “I turn down lead roles”, “I only want to make one movie a year”, “I don’t understand my privilege so I take advantage of it”.

Chris has been in a Marvel/Disney protection bubble for over a decade. It prevented him from growing as an actor and person. He had people at the ready to clean his mess and wipe his ass. He’s no longer in that bubble and ironically you can go back and see how he’s been cascading down ever since. He started decent with Knives Out and Defending Jacob, but then the pandemic happened and he like many…. Lost their minds and sanity.

First it was Lily James PR mess and then I guess money was decent that he chose to do another stunt and it’s led to all of this. Chris wants to seem like he’s smarter than he comes off, but I do believe he’s the type to go…. You like Eckart Tolle?!…..omg me too, yep we’re destined to be together. Boston has a huge population from PT, and racist history so 🐟 should enjoy her time there. 🙄

Anyway Chris has ALWAYS had problematic individuals in his circle both personally and professionally, again….privileged white man who loves to act holier than thou. He did some basic ass tweets during trump era and people started stanning him because everyone hated trump and Chris was basically the conduit of their thoughts.

He pandered to black women, even reprimanded one during an interview, after again…pandering …pretending to flirt over her white boots, knowing he’s being recorded …..then got pissy with her…all because she used the word “brand”. But look at his “brand” now. 😒

This man left social media because he couldn’t withstand the pressure of people not kissing his ass and his choice in life partner. He keeps saying the internet is bad, no sweetie, the internet isn’t the problem it’s YOU!

Ugh, I’m done, mainly because I too wanted this to turn out to be 100% PR, he acted like he didn’t like her publicly only to put a ring on it, yet that could have been to have people wondering and staying engaged with this mess.

I think she’ll be his karma for however long they last.

There is 0.1% in me that would LOVE for this mess to be revealed as shitty PR, fake marriage and all, but I’m tired of trying to force feed things. Chris has a ring… fake or not, it would be stupid to acknowledge himself as married only to come back with….. I’m not married, still single.

So for those believing this is PR, I stand with you, but I’m tired of holding out hope that he was ever truly decent. Decent people don’t have multiple problematic friends and coworkers, Emily Blunt is a fat shamed too, her and Justin should get along very well. Decent people don’t take their career and fans for granted EVER!

This IS who Chris Evans is and it’s time everyone drops the projection and fantasy. If I’m wrong…… I’d like to see Chris himself prove me wrong, but that’s not going to happen…..is it?

This fandom use to be a source of fun and relief from personal shit, but now it’s aided in more gaslighting and emotional hurt about a guy I never knew.

You all have been so cool and I wish Chris turned out to be the man we all thought he actually was, but his own actions have proven, he’s not.

Everyone take care! ✌️

Let’s stop defending this man like we are getting paid. Let’s drag him! He wants to blame everyone but himself for his flop era

[snoozingredpanda]

On my hands and knees begging for more benni and willing reader, she deserves more love

She deserves all the love in the world. Heres some general headcannons for accepting y/n :)

—

Benni Winters — Relationship Headcannons (with an accepting s/o)

GN!Reader

18+ Please!

Warnings: Obsession, manipulation, violence, mentions of PTSD and depression, NSFW, consensual kidnapping, swearing

—

• Pretty much every morning you’re woken up by Benni kissing your face, shoulders, hands, any sort of body part she can get her hands on. It’s a nice feeling, she’s very gentle. She just can’t keep her hands off of you; you’re too beautiful not to kiss awake.

• She likes being in charge of sleeping positions — she will just grab you and roll over whether you like it or not. It often scares you by how unpredictable her movements are.

• Despite this, Benni doesn’t mind being big or little spoon. She loves holding you, no matter your size, but also loves being held by you. However, her favourite position to sleep in is the two of you facing each other, her face buried in your neck/chest with your legs all tangled up so she can be as close to you as possible.

• Benni is a goddess in the kitchen. She’s good at following instructions (wink wink) so all she needs is a recipe and she can make pretty much any meal for you.

• If you like a certain meal that she doesn’t particularly find tasty, she will cook it anyways and try to hide the fact she hates it. It never really works; you’re able to spot the little grimace she pulls whenever she smells things like carrots or banana.

• If you cook for her, she’ll eat it no matter what. Even if it’s burnt to a crisp, she’ll smile and say, “Looks delicious, love. Let—let me supervise you next time, hm?”

• It was when you baked her a stew did you find out she’s allergic to oregano. That was a fun night at the ER…

• Benni loves nothing more than to bathe with you. It’s nothing sexual, she just loves having you leaning back against her chest, the steaming water surrounding you both. She’ll wash your hair for you, whispering how much she loves you in your ear.

• “You’re such a pretty pet, aren’t you? Look at you, I’m so lucky to have you, baby.”

• If you’re insecure about your body, she’ll make it her mission to show you how fucking sexy you are, whatever shape or size. She’ll spend hours kissing all across your body, complimenting each and every inch of you. She can’t believe you don’t see what she sees, a divine, graceful beauty; she’s sure you’re an angel from heaven.

• “Look at you… such a pretty thing. I can’t believe you’re mine…”

• “Jesus, I must be dreamin’, hun. How do you love me?”

• The more accepting you are of Benni’s possessiveness, the less violent her thoughts are. The more you tell her you love her, that she’s the only one, the less likely she will be to freak out and commit a crime.

• Having friends is quite hard when dating Benni. She gets jealous easily, and when she’s jealous she gets clingy and depressed, and despite it clearly being a manipulation tactic, you can’t help but take her into your arms, kissing all over her teary face.

• “I’m sorry,” you’ll say. “I won’t hang out with them anymore, okay? I love you. Only you.”

• Those words are exactly the ones she wants to hear. She’ll perk up, nuzzling her face into your neck, spilling ‘thank yous’ repeatedly.

• She knows exactly how to manipulate you, not that you care. She’s a brilliant girlfriend, albeit a bit strange, so why on earth would you want to leave her? The fact she’s so obsessed with you, the fact she has a literal shrine of photos dedicated to you, made you feel so good about yourself. No other partner could ever compete.

• You talk to Benni a lot about her past, helping her through difficult periods. She’ll spend hours curled up with you, speaking about her feelings, which tend to turn into ramblings of how much she loves and needs you, how much her sanity depends on whether you stay with her and keep loving her like you do. Eventually she’ll start to come to terms with what happened all those years ago. She’ll get less and less nightmares, all thanks to you.

• You know how to keep her happy. I guess it’s a form of manipulation itself, knowing what to tell her when she’s down, or when she’s angry. It’s not like she’ll care, as long as you mean it, she’s the happiest girl in the world.

• It may get to the point where she’s so possessive that she can’t take it anymore. She hates forcing things onto you, but kidnap is the only choice.

• She takes you in the night, when you’re asleep. She’s drugged your dinner, so there was no chance of you screaming out for help.

• “Sorry, baby…”

• But when she takes you to your new home, a cute little cottage deep in the woods, she’s pleasantly surprised to see you’re okay with this.

• “Stay here? If you want me to, honey.”

• “W—wait, really?!”

• “Yeah. I told you I love you. I’ll do anything to keep you happy.”

• She’s on Cloud Nine at this point. You really were the perfect partner.

• Life isolated in the woods wasn’t much different. You didn’t have many friends anyways, all you were missing out on was family, but they weren’t the best so you didn’t care.

• Benni’s parents got into a mysterious car crash and so she inherited quite a lot of money, so she could get you anything and everything you wanted. You had a TV, games consoles, any pets you could ever want, books, plushies, anything. Benni wants you to be happy and comfortable, and if you’re bored, you’re not happy, are you?

• Whatever you want, she’ll get it.

• Despite being a literal multimillionaire now, Benni still has a job. She wants the role of ‘breadwinner’ and so she got a job at a photography firm. It’s got good hours, and the pay doesn’t really matter, plus it’s doing something she loves.

• Speaking of photography, it’s one of her favourite things to do with you. She’ll let you go outside in the area around the house, and she’ll take pictures of you having fun playing with your pets and gardening or whatever you wish to do. There’s a lake nearby, so she’ll snap photos of you swimming and splashing around on the sun.

• “There we go, sweetheart. Smile for me.”

• Click. Click. Click.

• It’s these little moments she loves most, seeing you happy and healthy. She never thought she’d be this content in her life, with no worries even from her past… she loves you so, so much.

!!!

NSFW Warnings: Bondage, toys, roleplay, praise, petnames, choking

• Benni sees sex as a very intimate thing. She wouldn’t ever just have a one night stand with someone, she was a virgin when she met you, and gave her virginity to you when you were ready to sleep with her.

• You wouldn’t have known she’s a virgin, for she’s amazing with her hands and tongue. Not matter if you have a cock or cunt, she has you squirming with a single touch.

• As I said, she likes following instructions. Tell her what you like. Tell her how you want it. She’ll follow your every command.

• If you have a cunt she’s more confident, since she has one herself. She knows how it works and what parts are the most sensitive, so doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all.

• If you have a cock, though, she’s less sure. She gets the gist of it, but is a little more hesitant, watching your expression as she pumps her hand up and down your dick, seeing which pace and pressure feels the best.

• “This good? Tell me if it hurts, okay, darlin’?”

• After a few sessions she gets the hang of it, but no matter what parts you have, she won’t let you touch her for a few months into your sexual relationship. She’s more focused on you, and doesn’t want to bother you with her own needs.

• And she’s kinda insecure about her body so

• But after a while, if you beg her enough, she’ll cave in.

• “Just… just be gentle, okay, love…”

• She’s a bit uncomfortable as you work your way through her clothes, but with some encouraging words she’s all yours.

• “Come on, honey,” you coo. “Spread your legs for me.”

• She’s blushing as she follows your instructions, and you’re delighted to see she’s dripping wet for you, such a beautiful sight.

• You can’t help but tease, and she seems to like it, toes curling as your breath fans her thighs. Isn’t she cute, like putty in your hands? It truly made your heart thud loud.

• “Just hurry up,” she pleads as you blow hot air on her clit.

• Who are you to deny your loving wife?

• She’s embarrassed as she cums quick. She can’t help it, you’re too good with your tongue. She’s whimpering and whining, clawing at your scalp as you repeatedly suck on her sensitive nub, even after orgasm.

• As she gets more comfortable, she may be ready to put two and two together. If you have a cunt, she becomes addicted to the way you grind yourself against her, your nails digging into her shoulders. You’re so dominant, so special. She’s infatuated with the sight of you on top, your eyes rolling back as your sloshy pussies collide again and again.

• If you have a cock, she’s fucking terrified. That? In her? Holy shit, and you’re big. But as soon as the pain goes away she can hardly talk. It’s too good, the feeling of your hips as they piston against her, balls slapping against her clit with every thrust. It’s too much, she’s biting into your neck, begging for more.

• “Oh god... Haah—baby, please!”

• As soon as the nerves start to fade, she wants to be back in charge. She’s riding you, grinding down on your cock or cunt, hand holding your neck in a chokehold (gently, of course), groaning your name as you moan for release.

• “Please, Ben, please!” You cry.

• “Go on, pretty slut. Cum for me, baby,” she breathlessly replies. “Show me how good of a pet you are.”

• You don’t hold back, and neither does she.

• No matter what’s in your pants, Benni wants to try having a dick of her own. She drills her fake cock into your hole, loving the way you moan into the pillows.

• The feeling of fucking you like this is enough to make her whine in pleasure, messing the sheets below her as you cum so hard around her cock.

• She likes to pair strap-ons with bondage, tying your hands either to the bedposts or behind your back. She just loves how you’re immobile, the only thing you can do is cry and cum.

• Benni doesn’t like names like Daddy. It’s too… uh… parental. Mommy too. She prefers to be called something like Master or even Sir. It depends on your preference too, but nothing is wrong with her name. She’ll always call you her slut, baby, doll, sweetheart, pet, any sort of loving name. She also has a soft spot for puppy, since you’re as cute as one.

• In terms of roleplay, she doesn’t mind it. If there’s something you want to try, she’s down, as long as it doesn’t include incest, non-con, age stuff, or zoophilia. She doesn’t mind if you want to wear animal-themed lingerie, but if you start barking she’s gonna be a bit weirded out.

• Out of all roleplays, she loves playing hero the most. You’ll be hiding in the bathroom because there’s an ‘intruder’ and Benni saves you and fucks you to make you feel better. It makes her feel big and strong despite there’s being no intruder whatsoever.

• Praise is her go-to thing. She finds it hard to degrade, I mean, it’s all lies really. She doesn’t see you as a sex toy. She doesn’t think you’re a dirty whore. She thinks you’re the prettiest slut in the world, the most perfect person to ever walk these lands.

• She’ll try, if that’s what you’re into. She’s good at dirty talk, just not in a degrading way.

• On the flip side, she loves being praised too. It makes her feel so good, and she could probably just cum alone with a few compliments.

• Degrading, however, is a huge turn off for Benni. If you degrade her she’d probably start to cry. She’s sensitive, okay? She thought you loved her, why are you being so mean?

• She’ll spend aged sulking if you were to just degrade her, especially if you didn’t warn her. Sex is supposed to be your special time, a time to love each other and make each other feel good. Not hurt her feelings…

• Just make sure to talk to her if you want to introduce a new kink. She’ll try anything with you, but not if it makes her feel bad.

• Overall, now that she’s got you away from the dangerous world, she’s so happy. She’ll be the perfect wife, she promises! Just don’t try to run, or she’ll have to drag you back and lock the doors…

[doctorguilty]

Pda...

I feel like this is gonna sound dumb but I'm just emotional and that's how I am so whatever...... there's just something something can't stop thinking about

A couple days into my last visit with gloomy, I came out of the bathroom and made some silly comment about the bar of soap I washed my hands with, I think maybe it was something stupid like I washed chocolate off my hands after we shared a pastry, and I was like omg it was making the soap brown I had to wash it off I wouldn't want your sister to think there was poo all over the soap 🤣 and gloomy said like, "oh well that's there for you anyway" and I was like huh?? And they reiterated they had put that bar of soap put for me specifically. I'm the only one that uses it. They and their sister use the liquid soap pump.

And I was just like stunned for a moment cause here's the thing... that bar of soap was there when I FIRST visited their apartment. I didn't question it like plenty of people have multiple kinds of hand soap. So I'd been using that the whole time during that visit.. and when I came back it was there again so I mindlessly used it again.

It wasn't anything super fancy or anything, just a plain old bar of ivory soap. But gloomy bought that, and a cute soap dish to hold it in, to put it out for me.. even though I don't live there. So I asked why? Like, I can just use liquid soap I don't need my own soap ;w;" And they said, simply, "because I know you like to use bar soap"

Gloomy says things in such a matter-of-fact way that always gets into my head but I mean that in a good way. When I say and do things for others, I'm emotional, my tone often has a flourish, my instinct to be so external about the love behind my intentions. But there's something so.. different, in a way I'm drawn to, that with gloomy it just.. it's concise. It's a fact. It's not a grand emotion.. not the way I'd experience it.. buying something for someone, feeling excitement over it, I know what my emotions look like.

No.. when i picture gloomy just.. being at the store, seeing soap, putting it in the basket. Setting it out on the sink so it's waiting for me. Done. Its mundane. It's normal. And to me that's so warm like..... like it's all part of the reason gloomy feels like home anywhere I am

So anyway.. I told them I was so moved by that.. and yknow, I don't think I ever EXPLICITLY emphasized my bar soap preference, because again its not terribly important, it must have been something offhanded or maybe just a mental note that's what I had in the bathroom where I live, that I used

I know it probably doesn't seem all that deep.. but to me it really, really is. And they never outright told me, like NEEDING me to know!!!! They did it for me!! Which would be fine ofc, but again it's the mundane-ness (is that a word?) No, its not about their own emotional fulfillment at all.. it's enough to just make me comfortable, on purpose.

And that just... means the world to me.. because in my life, I desperately battle for (and often lose) my right to take up space, everywhere I go. I'm used to every little thing being in someone's way. Having it criticized. Being emotionally beaten down and shrinking just to keep my sanity.. for someone to feel I'm worth that... not the literal price of soap but the PRINCIPLE, the fact that something JUST FOR ME can just take up space in SOMEONE ELSES SPACE, they CHOSE to do on their own volition and not feel compelled to draw attention to it.. that is the most wonderful thing anyone can give me.. truly.. space. That's what it is. Space I don't have to battle for or earn. It's just there. I'm starting to tear up writing all this. That's how much it means to me .

I love them.. I love the way they are , so different from me in ways I admire, in ways that make me feel special because my brain is wired up differently where I wouldn't have the same exact thought process over the same exact intent

I was also told, anecdotally, when gloomy put the soap out, their sister criticized it like "that's pointless no one uses bar soap 🙄" and they said "some people do, seth does, its for him" and that's important to me to that without me even being there or knowing, they had no issue defending the space (literally physical space, AND the concept of it, why my arbitrary preference matters more than HER opinion) they wanted me to have.

I always end up beating myself up at the end of my yearning, because i still don't have the ability to keep out the thoughts that I don't deserved to be loved, how does my partner tolerate me, etc.. and that's how I'm feeling now.. how does someone so good love me? I just can't be worthy.. I've been taught time and time again i am no ones priority and the space I take up us a burden.

But nonetheless I am grateful for their love. I love them so much .. so much... every time I've washed my hands in the bathroom since then, I think of the soap at their apartment still there for me .. SO far away, yet space is still filled by me, whether the soap stays on the sink or gets put away in a drawer or whatever. It's there. Taking up space on purpose...

[bailey-the-narrator]

Chapter 2: Continue reading?

It's been an hour since Bailey discovered his character, particularly Stanley, can talk. And Bailey has dug more information for Stanley's origin, taking the opportunity of the other's constant rambling.

One, Stanley is a...concept of creativity. Or that's theoretically what he said.

Stanley is a special case. An anomaly that shouldn't exist, yet he might be the first one to witness one of these anomalies revealing itself by accident.

He's kind of feeling insulted because his plan for his story is apparently boring enough for this anomaly to protest.

This anomaly's task is to help writers with stories without giving any suspicion, supposedly giving them inspiration.

Second, Stanley, specifically, is a flawed anomaly.

He gave himself out instead of letting himself into a moldable character, and now he is telling him this...phenomenon that he never realized existed.

"You're actually the 209th person to get my help..." Stanley hesitates to tell the voice the truth, "...technically, yeah. I'm helping you! Be grateful!"

Is that a reassurance? Is that supposed to be a reassurance?

"You failed so much you have to go through 208 attempts of helping?"

And Bailey's remark hits the vital spot, it seems.

4 pings in a row. Coming from his laptop.

There is silence forming between the voice and Stanley. It's deafening, yet the man's anger is very much noticeable.

"I DON'T FAIL!" Stanley snaps back. His scream echoes through the office room that he's in. "I NEVER FAILED!! SHUT UP!!"

Stanley's fists were shaking with anger, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

Stanley is doing his best, holding his composure and the last bits of his sanity.

Ouch, that hits home. Bailey now feels a bit guilty for saying it.

But Stanley is so annoying, Bailey!

He's not that annoying. He's more of someone who's struggling with himself.

It reminds him of...himself. Kind of.

"Hey, sorry about that, Stan..." Bailey gives the laptop a small yet apologetic bow. "Got a bit too harsh on you. Take it slow with me, okay? We'll figure out how we can work on your story together."

Sniffles can be heard from the young man. "...Sorry. For letting my emotions get onto me."

Bailey chuckles out loud. "No, you have all the right to be pissed at me. I know how you feel." He instinctively pats the top of his laptop screen. "I need a slap from reality, it keeps me in check."

Stanley lets out a breathy laugh, wiping his tears. "Trying to humble yourself wouldn't make me like you more."

"Jokes on you for thinking I'm likable." The writer gives a teasing smile. "People dislike me for many things, unfortunately. Being humble and honest are both my strengths and weaknesses, often."

Both fall into silence. No pings from Stanley.

None of them talk to each other for the rest of the day after that.

It's a comfortable silence, at least for Bailey.

———

Bailey wakes up to multiple ping noises from his laptop in the morning, somehow louder than yesterday.

The writer rubs his eyes and puts on his glasses, then drags himself out of bed to check on Stanley.

"Morning, Narrator..." Stanley lets out a loud yawn after sleeping on a stray table. Nobody is in this office, anyway. Stanley can do whatever he wants. "It's 5 AM, you should wake up..."

"Narrator?" He asks for the voice in his head to respond, yet he receives no answer.

"Maybe I'm too early to wake him up." He shrugs before grabbing his nonexistent co-worker's towel from one of the desks' drawers. "Let's see if I can take a proper shower. I haven't taken a bath for years..."

"NARRATOR!! WAKE UP!!" The man jumps up and down, soaking wet from his attempt to bathe himself in the office toilet. "IT'S 6 AM!! MORNING FOR YOU!!"

...That is. A drastic character development, coming from a character that he hasn't developed yet.

"I'm up, I'm up." Bailey sits down on the chair, facing the laptop once again. "I haven't even drawn what the office would look like, let alone making toilet. How you managed to find anything in there?"

Stanley shrugs, toweling himself dry. "Dunno. It's a very well-developed office scene, so I thought you had thought it out enough for it to appear."

Huh. Interesting.

Bailey pushes a lot of his initial hypothesis aside. "Anyway, I can't work on your story today, I'm sorry." He gets up from his chair, undressing himself from his pajama. "I have work today. My part-time schedule, as usual."

Stanley perks up. "Job, you say?" He sounds interested.

"Cafe downstairs. They're often busy on fridays and weekends." He buttons up his white shirt. "Many of their regulars seem to like me for reasons I do not know of."

"Because you're hot?"

That response sounds gay, Bailey.

It's accurate, though.

"...Mayhaps."

Stanley bursts into laughter while dressing himself back into his uniform. "Oh my god, have people ever said that to you?? While you work???"

"...Sometimes. Just once in a while."

Another cackle comes out. "Good to know my Narrator is Mr. Popular, HAH!"

"Shut or I won't work on you, gremlin."

[electrivolt]

@rockheadcd asked : "I'm okay."

The first thing to come out of his mouth despite such striking cobalt staring so fearfully at his wounded state. More scars would inevitably overlap the ones that haphazardly scratched along his skin, although most of it was hidden under the layers of bandages that concealed, stitched gashes. Roark remembered something about broken ribs, something else about mortal wounds, and certainly the labor it was to even breathe. His chest felt heavy, every inhale sore and every exhale stuttered.

Roark at least knows better not to keep Volkner away, not when he's littered in bandages as these places are so apt to leave shrapnel everywhere like spikes, unfortunate and dirty punctures for the unsuspecting collapse. This might he the worst he's sustained, at least ever since he contracted oripathy, and ever since that moment he was fighting to keep breathing before transferring to Rhodes. But, as he looks fondly, tiredly at the feline that refused to leave his side, he remembers those moments weren't ones Volkner was there for—luckily. This was the worst, for him, at least, even if he doesn't remember anything except the stench of fried skin and the haze of the lightning strike that saved the archosaurian's life. "..Sorry about all this, I'm not much of a fan of infirmaries myself, but.." Ah, it's tiring to talk when the sutures and bandages do a wonderful job in behaving like a corset. "We made it back, and that's…all that really matters."

The arm slung around the other's shoulders bears a little more of his weight, Roark's pace set by the cadence of pain set in his ribs. They would heal on their own, but it certainly wouldn't be a passive process. Beyond that, there was the only the partially concealed bruising that colored him under the comfort of his Rhodes-issued jacket. In other words, things Volkner couldn't do anything about except fret over, among other things. Being a defender primarily meant this was the risk an operator took every time they were dispatched.

"Thank you, though.. I mean it. You saved my life. I owe you…" An understatement, really, given he would have been down for the count if he wasn't as stubborn as he was. Still, tuscan falls solemn as they make their way slowly back to his room ( although half the time it was really their room, with how little they kept to themselves ), meager attempts to be careful thwarted by unhelpful pain from…somewhere different every time. "Don't try to blame yourself for any of it, though, okay? They surprised me as much as anyone. But we did our job—that's…good enough. We can rest."

It takes him all he has to hold back from the immediate response born from panic. You’re not okay, this is not okay have you looked at yourself and how you’re barely hanging on— and yet he somehow still manages to stay quiet through the fear and the worry, still looking him up and down and trying to hope this was it and he’d just recover from here and forward. 

( he doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t mention how the fear is still lingering there, how he can’t look away, almost expecting to find the same scenario unfolding before his eyes if he does, to find roark bleeding out again and all he can do is let go of whatever scrap of sanity and lucidity he held onto just to— )

Static charges his tail enough to make fur bristle. Volkner has to force himself to focus, push those spiraling thoughts away and keep the little sparks away from Roark. He can't hurt him after all he just got through. He has better things to focus on right now, anyways. Like helping Roark get back to his room ( theirs by now, really, with how he hardly ever returned to the one Rhodes had assigned him, curled up on Roark's bed and in his arms the one and only comfort he was ever offered, and still the best he could ever ask for. ), making sure he'd be truly alright resting there instead of staying in the medical wing under the watchful eye of actual professionals. And trying to smooth out that knot of anxiety that makes it hard to breathe at times and keeps his heart going just a little faster in his fear bordering on paranoia.

( he's not doing great, is he? )

Even as he keeps insisting over and over that he's fine, that the worst has passed and they're all home now... that isn't really enough for Volkner, is it? Not when part of his mind is still trapped in all the what ifs after such a close call. Thinking of what could have been. That's going to be something to confront in his own nightmares for a while, he can tell that already.

( no more— he can't keep lingering on those thoughts while roark is right here and needs him more than ever. he has to pull himself together already— )

He doesn't really notice his own hands trembling, just a bit as he refuses to let go.

And caught up as he was in this constant effort to pull away from his own head, he almost doesn't hear Roark speaking up. Kind of sad, isn't it? When that is one of the things he needs the most right now, the reminder of the present. Least he does try to reply, even when his voice fails him and he needs a moment longer just to compose himself enough to get the words out in anything more than a little whisper.

"... You shouldn't have gotten this hurt in the first place. I... should've helped you more than this." No matter his role or what he believes he has to do. No matter the amount of gentle words and reassurance Roark could ever offer him, this could never be in any way an acceptable outcome. ( and maybe roark should know better than to expect volkner to ever be okay with this. ) Finally, Volkner at least lets out some sort of shaky sigh, just another effort to compose himself that doesn't quite work, ears dropping, puffed tail not really settling in his lingering distress. "Please... please be more careful. I— I can't lose you, okay? I just— I can't. Not you."

( he needs him that desperately, doesn't he? maybe roark should know better, too. )

[yeniasworld]

They called it stupid, but honey, I call it smart. Why? Baby, what even is paranoia? A glitch? A chemical slip-up? I used to think it was dumb, pointless, but after walking through the pits of depression and flirting with near-death, I see how messed up it all is. Like, when did my brain start flipping the script, making me think everyone’s out to get me, or that the world is secretly plotting against me? Please, like anyone’s got that much time on their hands. Everyone’s too busy clutching onto the last thread of sanity they’ve got. They ain’t worried about me or what I’m doing, they’re trying not to end up lost like I was.

I get why people ghosted me, dipped out when I lost it. They were holding onto their fragile little piece of peace, scared that being around me might make them snap too. But real talk? It’s deeper than that. My intuition—oh yeah, that inner knowing—had me saying I was fine when I wasn’t, just so I wouldn’t rock the boat. And baby, that paranoia? It wasn’t me going mad. Nah, it was my mind trying to protect me, pulling me so high up that my brain was in overdrive, racing to keep me safe from all the chaos inside.

People think it’s crazy, but this is just part of the journey, right? We’re like fallen leaves in autumn, getting pushed and pulled by forces we don’t even understand, just to become the next greatest in whatever world we step into. So yeah, my brain was paranoid, and I was out here searching for answers anywhere I could get ‘em. ‘Cause when you’re floating through the unknown, with no structure, no rules, only vibes—you’re just trying to survive.

And now? Now that I’ve been through the fire, back from isolation and transformation—babe, I’m back at like 99%. But let me tell you, the comeback’s harder than the fall. Instead of taking years to get right, I had to rebuild myself quick, like a phoenix with some flair. The experiences? They patched up all the broken bits, replaced what was lost. So here I am, back to “normal” with my glow-up talents and new vibe, ready to show the world what’s good.

Now it’s time to reflect, to let all those lessons soak in. And let’s be clear, my social media? It’s not for you, darling, it’s for me—my journal, my story, my truth. But if you wanna peep, be my guest. Anyway, moving forward, we’re just getting started. Catch me later ✌️

[irresistiibles]

was that lee jieun? Oh no no, that was just jang man wol, a canon character from hotel del luna. they are over one thousand three hundred years old, uses she/her, and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

around six months. she's pretty settled

what is your character’s job

she’s a business woman, a whole girlboss. she owns and runs a rather luxury hotel

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

sometime before episode 14 so she’s still holding onto her anger and resentment for chang-myung and hasn’t learned the full truth about the events in her life but she knows her tree is changing and she’s bound to move on or disappear soon

has any magic affected your character

nope!

any other info!

okay okay i’m not gonna go into too too much detail despite my desire to summarize the whole show, for the sake of my sanity and not giving too many spoilers

how close can you be to being a malevolent spirit without actually being one? man wol is here to walk that line. forgive and forget? absolutely not. we're here to resent and remember. she does not believe in being the bigger person!!

back home she runs the hotel del luna, which is a hotel for those who have died, to settle the last things in their life before they move on.

she’s been the owner of the hotel for a very very long time, in which she believes is a punishment for what she did in her living life, but is most likely just her stubborn resentment keeping her rooted there.

technically, she believes she cant’ physically harm humans or she’ll be destroyed, though she’ll realize that doesn’t apply here eventually

pretty strong even without hurting people anyway considering she’s basically unkillable, can see ghosts, kinda teleport, and cause hallucinations. i would not recommend starting shit with her

loves money and stuff and going out for meals. she’s bad at managing money and doesn’t care. she’s also just kinda obnoxious in general

she cares though and it’s plenty obvious if you’ve known her for more than like a minute she can wind up protective fast, and almost always winds up helping people even if she’ll complain about it to no end

since people can't leave washington obviously a hotel is not the most reasonable thing but that's her life that's what she does. here in washington she advertises it as more of a spa sort of experience. a vacation you can take right in the city you can't manage to escape. it's definitely an expensive experience but cates well to people have money and need a way to splurge and spend it

she's a bitch but she's probably toned down a little, excited to see somewhere new and feel a little less trapped and glued to her hotel (even if she still has a hotel here). i wouldn't say it's made her easier to deal with, but it has made her a little more social. she wants to take advantage of the situation and have some fun.

plots:

employees: anyone who works at her hotel. she needs the help. i may call her a girl boss but she's bad at it okay.

other work related connections: could be people who stay or have stayed at her hotel. maybe people who work in a similar line of business literally whatever.

shopping/foodie friends: she’s bad at making friends but man wol does like dragging people along for her interests so anyone who likes going to restaurants or shopping who she’ll bring along with her

drinking and/or gambling friends: same as above but for her more questionable enjoyments

enemy: doesn’t have to be anything serious but like i said she’s obnoxious so could be anyone she generally doesn’t get along with

any sort of supernatural friends: like i said this is a real old ghost so she tends to get along better with people who understand that somewhat. mostly she needs other oldies okay.

good influence: she can be nicer if there’s as someone genuine and kind around her

bad influence: someone who makes her worse? someone she makes worse? both just happening in a little circle? chaos besties is what i'm saying. that or it's some poor soul she's decided to annoy and drags out to whatever she's interested in. there's plenty of options.

dates? maybe a ship?: idk she is so hard to get along with even on a friendly manner and her interest/openness to more is so slim, but she would like to be wined and dined so we can definitely plan some casual dates and see how the vibe is. 

[stayxlix]

CHAPTER 4 LET’S GAURRR!

Ooh ‘the eighth’ sounds sexy Welcome back to season 3 ( or 2?) of Julian’s play-by-play commentary hehe🤭 Sorry in advance for how long this ask is gonna be.

“You will come across many soulmates in your current lifetime. But that doesn't mean you will get to keep them.” WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?😃Pls don’t raise my blood pressure from the get-go. Anyways concept photos ate as always. Bottom left one is my favourite. The minsung one is kinda unsettling tho… foreshadowing maybe👀

Btw Minho best not give me a hard time this chapter I literally do NOT have the capacity to deal with his beef rn. Idk why I think mc will win Jeongin over tho. But hey, we’ll see! I’m literally weak with excitement!! Oh and 15k + wordcount is crazy btw I’m so proud of you <3

“Out of all of the memories he had ever made, Felix had pushed most of them away. He buried them so deep that sometimes, he wondered if he would even be able to recall them if he tried.” *takes a long breath* that… hit home.

Wait so Chanlix are all the way from district 2?? Damn. This concerns me so much because the life they have now in district 6 must be lowkey paradise compared to what they probably had before. I’ve been wondering if the rebels have family. But we’ll see.

“…using Jeongin's homemade "thunder bombs" 퉤 퉤 퉤! 소리꾼! (TWE TWE TWE SORRIKUN)

“Not everyone had as much to offer as Minho, who was beyond skilled in his knowledge of healing.” Now I feel bad for going off on him in my reaction vid :((((( Also ngl Hyunjin's perception is impressive. The way he's already figured mc and lix out. Could never be me💀 I'm so blind when it comes to this kind of thing.

Hold on….“Remember what we all agreed on, before you get too attached.”

HOLD ON…. “The same thought that had been replaying over and over again in his head since he saw that damn family crest around your neck.”

I HOPE THEY’RE NOT PLANNING TO KILL ME HELP– I really hope they didn't make a pact to end me💀💀✋

“So what if he wanted to know how you looked with your lips wrapped around his *[dinky-donk]* instead.” I have so many inappropriate things to say…. (This was WILD)

“Felix wasn't like Jisung, who could charm his way into convincing whatever semi-interested human being he stumbled across in god knows where to fuck him.” You sure about that bro? Let’s not forget chapter 1😃

“Terrified for this moment to end because once it did, you would be forced to come to terms with the permanence of the decision you had made tonight, and what it meant for not only your future, but the future of every innocent person that you passed by, sleeping soundly without any idea that a war had just begun.” SO WELL WRITTEN! SAURRR WELL WRITTEN MWUAH

“and then, to your surprise, he left your side without a word.” UHM???? EXCUSE YOU???

“But that wasn't the only reason.” PURRR MC GO GET THAT *[retracted for the sake of modesty]*

“…and sometimes Jisung who just likes to be wherever Minho is.” You’re so real for this BAHAH💀💀

“He took a few steps closer, inviting himself into your personal space once again.” TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER RN BUT I’M SLOWLY LOSING MY SANITY

“Oh, I dont know. The fact that you can't seem to keep your tongue out of my mouth?” I LOVE MC WITH EVERY BONE IN MY BODY UGH JCKVJDNSL

“After all, every time you'd kissed, he had been the one to initiate it.” THAT’S THE THING!! TELL THE MF!

“Felix was the king of sending mixed signals and you had half a mind to call him out for it…” DO. IT.

“Felix brought his hands up to rest against the wall on either side of you, closing you in.” I don’t want to keep reading I cannot keep reading I’ll d!e if I keep reading I-

my sweet Jules🥹💕💕💕 can I first just say that your enthusiasm for this story is so much more appreciated than you will ever know. like words cannot even BEGIN to express how i felt when I saw your asks pop into my inbox yesterday, but i will do my very best. i’m finally sitting down for the evening to answer these (and have been looking forward to it for two whole days) so lets get started..(i'll make sure to comment as much as i can without revealing any spoilers🤭)

"I HOPE THEY’RE NOT PLANNING TO KILL ME HELP– I really hope they didn't make a pact to end me"

and already i'm reminding myself..NO SPOILERS

“...Hyunjin’s perceptive is impressive...”

especially when it comes to lix.🫢 and don’t feel too bad about going off on minho just yet….

“You sure about that bro? Let’s not forget chapter 1”

i’m💀 omg lix doesn’t see himself this way alright.😂😭 (however right you may be)

it means so much to me that you always take the time to mention the concept photos and i will never ever forget when you said that each chapter has a different color that you associate with it. that touched my heart more than you will ever know.🥹🤍 and the word count honestly at the rate I was going I was terrified it was going to be something like 18k lmao but thankfully we were able to condense a bit.😂

THE THUNDEROUS LYRICS.😂 ty for including this lmao i HAD to include a thunderous reference somewhere because it may or may not be my fav skz song of all time and I will fight anyone who tries to tell me it isn’t a masterpiece

"SO WELL WRITTEN! SAURRR WELL WRITTEN MWUAH"

(ily lmao) this was a last minute addition like an hour before i posted the chapter🤭 so the fact that you included it here made me giggle. and if i’m being honest our mc really has become very special to me too. i had absolutely no idea when i first started writing this story how attached i was going to become to her but i really have grown to hold a special place for her in my heart so once again thank you for this.💕💕💕

going to head on over to part 2 now....(mostly because i need to cut myself off or i will spend all night on this one ask alone because there is so much to unpack with your commentaries and you know i absolutely love you for that<33)

[theunaestheticstudyblr]

UNIVERSITY WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Mental health and illness is already hard enough, but adding school pressure on top is hard. High school was easier for me since there is a lot more structure and a lot less choice, which is why I'm targeting this towards college and university students.

Firstly is attending class. Getting to class is a major hurdle, especially with a commute like me (1 hour+) broke people problems lmao. Driving that long to go to a class just to drive back home is already exhausting and unpleasant, especially knowing professors will post slides or something after class anyways. But you have to drag yourself there. One thing I do to help is dress up. I'll do my makeup and put on nicer clothes. Why does this work for me? I hate wasting stuff, especially money and to me, putting on makeup is spending money essentially (same logic as using rare items in a video game idk). I can't just sit around the house and waste the money I just put on my face so I gotta go to class. Small things like this to trick your brain works so well. Before this, there was a restaurant I absolutely loved next to campus so if I went to every class for two weeks I would reward myself by going there. Another thing that helps is making plans with people ahead of time. They'll hold you accountable on days that you can't.

Take rest days. Schedule one whole day a week where you don't do school or go to work. It's a day completely off for anything. I use this day to do chores in the morning and then just lay around and do absolutely nothing all afternoon and night. This helps recharge and reduce stimulation and socialization. It gives your brain that little rest it cries for every day. I used to panic so much about this one day because I could be working and making money or studying or doing anything to be productive until I had a week where I couldn't do anything because I broke down completely, mentally and physically. Now I see it as a preservation day. I use this day to recover from everything.

Make your notes pretty. I hate going back and looking at my messy class notes. Everything is scattered and messy and I get frustrated. What I do instead is make a virtual, concise copy that is pretty to me. I'll add little sketches, color, pictures, etc. This helps draw my attention and allows me to study while doing it! Making the second copy forces you to go through the material after a class is over and review the material to decide what is truly important and then organize it all and then rewrite it all. This has been a huge help.

Use class breaks to snack or grab coffee. One thing I have found in many people with high anxiety is that food and drinks really help calm you down. I've found some research suggesting it's because food is a signal that things are safe and therefore makes you more relaxed, though I don't know much about anthropology and psychology fields. I find this really helps to calm me down after I had a very stressful test so that I can be more present for the next class. Gum helps a lot on high anxiety/panic days as well.

Download the notes or slides, especially if posted ahead of time. This way you have access even if you don't have wifi. You can even pull them up in lectures so you don't have to focus on the board the whole time. For my people with autism, this has helped me so much. There are times where you can't focus on the professor and the slides and the sounds and writing, so doing this cuts out having to watch the teacher and the board. Bonus points if you can record during lecture as well so you can revisit parts that you zoned out in or couldn't focus on.

Keep a journal or diary and list your activities, food, weather, etc in it as well as your mood. This can help you find correlations to hack shit. My favorite way of doing this is through the Daylio app (I wrote a post about it here). Like I notice that days when it's rainy, I study and read more and days where I walk more and eat breakfast, I focus better and am happier overall. This information helps so much. If I know it's going to rain tomorrow, I won't try to force myself to study a bunch today and instead save that energy for later. Instead, I'll take care of myself and go for a walk or something. Knowing how you work and why really makes a HUGE difference.

This might just be my autism brain, but finding cool things related to the topic at hand has helped me keep interest in at least a little of the subject, helping me study more. Like I don't like chimaeras (a fish group) BUT for some reason I love fish teeth and these fishes have a very unique tooth set. This at least let's me know something instead of just ignoring and forgetting everything. 20% is better than nothing.

Find a reason to study what you do, even if it's just that you need this class to graduate. Just taking classes for no reason seems like something neurotypical people are able to do. I can't do it. I need a reason and if I can't find one, I just give up. I used to always say it was useless and pointless and didn't understand why it was required. But I realized the reason to take it is because I want a piece of paper that says I traded lots of money and sanity for it. And that reason has to be good enough.

Make study games. Games are more fun than lifeless paper. Matching games, crosswords, coloring pages, whatever you like!

Feel free to add your tips to this post as well!! I always have room for improvement and experimentation, especially for really hard days. I still find myself skipping even online classes some days. No one had all the answers or has everything figured out. This is just an incomplete list of things that have helped me out a bit and made college life a bit easier.

[yanderes-galore]

So i was thinking on some marvel villains and i had some options, but the one who i wanted the most for concepts was Victor Von Doom aka Doctor Doom.

I am very new to the comics, especially Fantastic Four, so I did research through videos and Wiki to learn about him. Let me know if I got the character right! Writing for him was actually pretty fun once I listened to his backstory.

Yandere! Victor Von Doom Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Delusional behavior, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Stockholm syndrome mention, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Murder mention, Violence mention, Threats, Forced relationship.

- Doctor Doom is extremely intelligent, strong, and determined.

- To some he comes off as evil, to others he is a hero.

- He thinks he's doing the right thing even if he isn't.

- Doctor Doom would be Delusional, Manipulative, Overprotective, Obsessive, and Forceful at times.

- He had to isolate himself from love, warmth, and humanity in order to achieve what he has but he probably still yearns for it.

- Doom probably feels what he's doing for you will keep you safe and happy, even if he has to trap you in a room or with some sort of gadget.

- He has a little bit of a savior complex due to what he's been through and wishes to achieve.

- He's also willing to do whatever he needs to complete his goal.

- You can either love him or hate him when he's obsessed, it doesn't matter all that much to him.

- Doom is passed the days where he can live comfortably and warmly alongside someone.

- Now if he wants to keep you he's willing to do whatever he can to make it happen.

- Even if it sacrifices sanity, happiness, and the lives of whoever stand in his way.

- Doom would be very delusional in his obsession.

- He's convinced holding you hostage and keeping you out of the public eye is for your own safety.

- He claims he loves you but you have trouble believing it when he keeps you locked away and refuses to allow others to talk to you.

- Barely anyone knows about you once he takes you, Doom plans on keeping it that way too.

- No one can take you from him, not even his greatest rival, if they don't know about you.

- Doom's also manipulative and charismatic.

- It would be easy for him to decieve the common people even if they did know about you

- No one will believe you when you say your relationship is forced if they are followers of him.

- Perhaps a hero will, but Doom doesn't allow you anywhere near the Fantastic Four or Avengers.

- He may be calm and collected but he secretly is paranoid you'll be taken.

- This paranoia makes him overprotective of your safety.

- He wants to depict himself as your savior and lover, even if you cry against him in fear.

- He acts caring and loving even if it comes off twisted.

- The little humanity he has is not enough to make you trust him.

- He's obsessive over you, like he's trying to find warmth from you that he can't get anymore.

- He's cold and unable to feel your warmth, yet he keeps you locked up and forced to love him anyway.

- While Doom is patient, he can only go so far.

- If Stockholm Syndrome doesn't set in or you continue to fight him, Doom may need to force your compliance.

- He doesn't feel he's the bad guy for wanting to make everyone happy and safe, including you, the one he loves.

- Even if to you, he's as bad as they come.

- "You do understand that my goal is to keep you safe, yes? Then you'll be happy in time... we just need to wait."