#anyways! whatever it takes to keep hold of as much of my sanity as i can in these coming days/years :))))))))))

[wispurring-moss]

lil doodle of the guys ever to keep my mind occupied enough not to spiral into abject despair rn tbh lol,,

[verdantlights]

Thoughts/Analysis Part 2 (but its coherent)

OKay so i slept (finally) after staying up since wednesday morning and only getting roughly 5 hours of sleep in total?? until I finally managed to get decent hours of sleep last night. anyways. i am still not normal in the slightest over round 7 but i have many more thoughts, am a lot more coherent, and have had it swimming in my head for a while.

TW for mentions of drug use. I'm gonna start with Luka. I've stated in the edit I made of the original post as well as in a few reblogs, but Luka is a victim. A lot of people are Luka haters, and that's valid! I am also, to an extent, a Luka hater.... even if I have a thing for blonde twinks with issues. But his character is also incredibly interesting. If you are familiar with Honkai: Star Rail, then you might understand what I'm saying when I think Luka is a combination of both Sunday AND Robin. He has the trapped bird in a cage mentality from Robin with the need for order and control mentality from Sunday. Order and control referring to winning being the only thing keeping his sanity in check.

Luka, as a human pet, is aware that he is playing a losing game. He needs to win, but he knows that winning Season 50 is not the end. He may have won against Till, but now the segyein are going to put him against Hyuna, considering Hyuna and Mizi were referred to as special guests. The way he looked at Hyuna in that last scene was part of him realizing this. It's the face you pull when you realize something horrible, but you need to keep face/keep your composure.

Their ear pieces are similar to their collars in that they show the emotions of the wearer. We can clearly see Till's earpiece glowing red the entire time (up until Mizi appears), and Luka's is constantly glowing green. Luka was seen in hysterics pretty much the entire time like the one frame where he's holding in his laughter.

Luka was drugged on something that makes him euphoric and lose his sense of control, like weed or cocaine. He found fucking with Till to be the funniest thing ever, but it's not normal for Luka to be so outwardly expressive of his elation. We know he enjoyed fucking with Mizi, even if it let to getting his ass beat, but even then, he wasn't as expressive then as he was with Till. That leads me to believe that he has something in his system to heighten his emotional output as well as some sort of adrenaline drug like what Till was most likely given.

What bugs me is that they don't show us what color his earpiece is as he looks at Hyuna. We see Till's earpiece turn green at Mizi, but does Luka's stay green as he looks at Hyuna? I feel it was orange, but that's just me.

Luka now knows what's about to happen, which is also why Hyuna tries to stop Mizi. Hyuna knew the whole time that if they were to save Till, they'd be walking straight into the trap. Mizi's heart is too kind and she's desperate to save Till.

Thankfully, what Hyuna had gone there for originally seems to be completed. Whatever files she was downloading was complete before she went after Mizi, and I think that's where were gonna see Issac and Dewey again. I think she might've been uploading those files to them so that they can take the lead from there. This leads me to my prediction for the next episode. (ill get to till last, hes my little meow meow and im not normal about him)

I don't think Blink Gone is done. I believe there is a part two to the Finals, and that round 7 wasn't even the final round. I've already stated that the most likely thing to happen next is Luka v Hyuna, but then I also talked about Issac and Dewey.

Hyuna could have gotten her hands on high profile data regarding Alien Stage. She sends the data to Dewssac, and they shut down the stage from the inside, allowing the resistance to come in and do a massive sweep, hopefully before either Hyuna, Luka, or Mizi dies.

Now, as for Mizi. We know Mizi is the main character, and there are people who are saying Till's death boosts her hero arc. Now there are two ways I see this happening, either:

Vivinos keeps up their streak of tragedy and kills off everyone, leaving Mizi isolated entirely.

Or someone (dewssac, hyuna, mizi, maybe even luka) pull through and live to save more people.

If it's the first one, Till is dead dead. If the second, Till has a chance at being alive.

There are many reasons why Till is most likely alive, and as a hopeful feeler... I also am clinging onto the more hopeful ending (the second option). Not just because "Haha guys I need Till to be alive, he's my bias" but also because seeing Mizi completely isolated and forced to fake a smile and perform would absolutely fucking destroy me and I don't think I'd ever be the same after that, honestly. Like that genuinely scares me.

There's the narrative of ALNST and vivimeng's beautiful storytelling. That is my number one hopeful reasoning for Till being alive. If Till dies here, it would be utterly nonsensical and it would ruin the narrative. It would completely void all of Ivan's character, for starters. I was just talking about this with @rockwgooglyeyes and Vant (idt they wanna be tagged here), but Ivan's character is static. He is not dynamic or fluid, but he is extraordinarily complex which makes up for it. He never really had an arc of his own unless you count what happened in his past during/before being bought by Unsha. His death is meant to haunt the narrative, meant to haunt Till. So why would he die, only for Till to die a few hours later? It would completely ruin what he was meant for and it would be so unsatisfying and bitter.

However, there's also the thematics of ALNST. Rock called out @pwippy for this already, but I'm gonna call them out too because fuck you plip (/j i love you plipster). Rock put it really well in these two excerpts I took from his post:

"Alien Stage is a universe full of suffering and pain for humans, forced to perform until they literally die on stage, all for the entertainment of the audience. It's not even meant as a way of exerting control or oppressing them, though it serves that purpose, because why would the seygein bother to oppress something that can't even fight back? Why go to the trouble of controlling something that is just a pet, whose cries are the fuel for a new age?"

Once again mentioning the Hunger Games because I genuinely can't help myself I love THG way too much, but that's the key difference between ALNST and THG: the human pets aren't being forced to do this because of a past rebellion and are being punished by the oppressing government... They're being thrown into this for fun. Full credit to @alien-til-i-stage who said this as a joke, but it is really fucking real, but the segyein bringing their human pets to watch ALNST in the audience are like people bringing dogs to a dog fight in real life. And that, I fear, puts into perspective as to just how much of a pet the humans are to the segyein. They are only there for entertainment. The resistance is mostly a thorn in their side as of right now (dewey and issac better change that next episode or istg) and killing these humans is simply just fun for them. They know humans can be hostile, just like dogs, but they tame them and make them docile and obedient, only to make them kill each other in the end, even if it's through a singing competition rather than an all out teeth and claws brawl. (except for round 5, that doesnt count)

"In this world of pain and suffering, perhaps death is a mercy. If Till is truly dead, then he no longer a tool for his oppressors, he is free of their control. For Ivan and Sua both of their deaths were mercies to them- Ivan was able to die for the one he loved, as was Sua, and neither of them were forced to live in a world without their beloved."

(thank you rock i love you pookie snookie)

He also mentions that it's not in character for Till to die, which I completely agree with. Till's persona is that of someone who wants to win, but not in the same way Luka needs to win. Till wants to win to live and survive with those he loves, he wants to win to beat the system, but considering how dystopian of a world this is, as much as he wants to win and save Mizi, he craves death as a freedom.

That out of the way, another thing that @junebluues actually got me to think about was this:

The bomb has Till's eyes and is crying as it knows it's going to die (assuming it's a sentient alien like Freddie). And the comparison here honestly opened my eyes a little bit and got me thinking.

Was Till a catalyst? Because that was a smoke bomb. I ended up thinking about it for a minute and came up with three possibilities where Till is a bomb/smoke bomb:

Mizi is using Till to hide her feelings

Till is the bomb that sets off a chain of events

Till is used to hide/cover up the real plan for either the segyein or for the resistance

I don't think it's the first one, I feel like it'd be closer to the other two, but any three of those could work. Because Mizi's feelings of despair over her situation can be hidden behind the hope as she reached out for Till. But as the smoke clears (Till dies) she remembers that it was, in fact, a bomb.

EDIT: Also, the lyric that plays during the smoke bomb scene is "No, don't look back now" which also kinda leads me to believe that Till is the start of a chain/domino effect. Once you knock the first domino, you can't go back.

I think someone somewhere had also talked about Till being forced to be used as a catalyst/bait again considering how well it worked here. There's a good chance Urak might have supplied the drugs to Till and also paid out or WAS paid out by another person to use Till as bait. Urak wouldn't want his pet that he is grossly possessive over to die that easily without every ounce of use being wrung out of him,,, something something Till being a Trojan Horse of sorts (thanks rock for that one, too).

EDIT: I also remembered that during the sequence in the song where the audience is singing the chorus and we see Ivan on the screens, is when Till looks like he's about to pass out. What gets me here is the fact that it is quite literally a chorus of vultures. The audience singing the chorus with images of Ivan surrounding him and seeing Luka mimic Ivan made Till realize that he was surrounded and that's when he started losing hope. It's why his reaction to Mizi is so prominent, because it's like she was there to save him from the vultures. The audience singing is my favorite and also least favorite part of the video/song because the feeling of being surrounded and cornered with everyone against you and their voices echoing in your head... really does it for me. I really want to animate this sequence from up close in Till's POV.

Anyways the 4th reason i had for the bomb theory was that Till is smoking hot (sorry). okay im done now i think,,,,,, i might actually come back with more because i think i forgot something... but i cant remember..... i forgor.....

other tags: @shakingparadigm @aakaneeee @ivanttakethis @k9punkout @crustyfloor @apriciticreveries @bluemoonscape @tsukacchako @nottoonedin @paperstarry

side note that i genuinely put more effort into my analyses than i have ever put into any school essay ever

edit: FUCK I WAS SUPPOSED TO ANALYZE THE LYRICS AGAIN GOD DAMNIT i dont feel like doing that anymore ill just do it later maybe

[merryclaus]

If you voted Republicans I say this with all seriousness, fuck you. From the bottom of my heart fuck you demonic bastards.

If you didn't vote, fuck you. Your ancestors went through too much and sacrificed too much in order to gain those rights, just for you bitches to sit there and be like "well my vote doesn't matter so why should I care?"

I want everyone else to hold on, stay strong, and work together to keep what little bit of sanity that's left in this county alive.

If you chose to move somewhere else, that's fine. This motherfucker will be impeached, whatever it takes he will be kicked out and arrested since he should have been in jail anyway.

Even if we have to make calls and march until he's thrown away and we get Kamala in the office.

WE ARE NOT GOING BACK!!!!

[ghosty-zero]

Sonadow one shot number #3: The Art of Self Anointing

Shadow stepped into Sonic's house for the first time and immediately wanted to turn around and leave. He was a perfectionist when it came to cleaning, but the sight before him was a chaotic mess. "How do you even find anything in here?" he grumbled under his breath, glancing around at the piles of tech manuals and video game cartridges scattered across the floor, sidestepping a pile of dirty laundry.

Sonic seemed unfazed by the disarray, his eyes sparkling with excitement as he dashed to the kitchen. "Want a chili dog?" he called over his shoulder.

"You invite me over to this...this...," Shadow searched for the right word, his gloved hands balling into fists at his sides. "Pigsty? Just to eat a disgusting combination of meat and bread?"

Sonic gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. "My house isn't that bad!" He glanced around, his eyes darting over the mess as if seeing it for the first time. "Besides, a little bit of chaos keeps things interesting, right?"

"I can't believe...how do you even function?" Shadow murmured, shaking his head as he followed Sonic into the kitchen. The counters were littered with half-eaten snacks and half-finished projects, a few pizza boxes and a couple of forgotten cans of soda adding to the chaos.

"I must be a miracle."

"Must be." Shadow grumbled.

He knew he should have declined when Sonic invited him over, but he really had nothing better to do with his time. If Rouge hadn't been busy with another heist and Omega wasn't stuck in maintenance mode, maybe he wouldn't have found himself in this predicament. Sonic had seemed pressed for company anyway, what with Blaze and Amy on a shopping trip, Tails tinkering in his lonesome, and Knuckles... well, doing Knuckles things. So, the two hedgehogs were the only company available.

But looking around at the mess, Shadow felt a strong sense of discomfort, like a knot tightening in his stomach. The clutter was greatly different from his own meticulously organized space, where everything had its place and his mind could work without distraction. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the smell of stale food and the occasional whiff of something that might have once been a forgotten science experiment.

Sonic, after making his beloved chili dog into a masterpiece of culinary disaster, turned to face Shadow with a proud smile. "Ta-da!" He exclaimed, holding up the greasy plate.

Shadow stared at it. "You actually eat this?"

"Every day, baby! Try a bite," Sonic said, holding out the chili dog. "You know you want to."

"I'd rather not clog my arteries with that," Shadow said flatly, eyeing the chili dog.

"Oh, and plain black coffee beans are so much healthier than this," Sonic quipped.

"In a way, it is," Shadow said, eyeing the chili dog with a mix of skepticism and curiosity. He had seen Sonic's diet before and was surprised the blue hedgehog had the energy to outrun a bullet train. "But I need to keep my reflexes sharp. Can't be slowed down by...whatever that is."

"A hot dog smothered in chili isn't going to slow me down!" Sonic exclaimed, taking a massive bite, his cheeks bulging with the food. He chewed with a grin, watching Shadow with a twinkle in his eye, daring him to try it.

Shadow wrinkled his nose in disgust before turning with a huff, snatching dirty plates and garbage off the counter. "If I am to be in this house, it needs to be clean. At least for my own sanity."

"It's not that bad. Besides, it's lived-in," Sonic said with his mouth full, waving the half-eaten chili dog. He took another bite, watching as Shadow began to methodically clear the kitchen. The clank of pans and the scraping of plates filled the air as the brooding hedgehog worked, his movements precise and efficient. He didn't ask Sonic where things went, he didn't ask him for help, nor did he complain—he just did it. Without even asking Sonic to move, Shadow had the kitchen clean in a matter of minutes.

"Dang...oh, that's where that went," Sonic mumbled, peering under a pile of newspapers to find his favorite mug.

Shadow moved onto the living room, his eyes scanning the chaos before him. The couch was buried under a mountain of cushions and blankets, a show of Sonic's love for naps and marathon video game sessions. The coffee table was a minefield of empty soda cans and game controllers, and the TV screen was smudged with fingerprints. "You're going to regret inviting me over," he muttered, grabbing a trash bag and starting to pick up.

Sonic just watched, almost too afraid to try and help, lest he mess up Shadow's rhythm. He'd seen the dark hedgehog's cleaning spree before, and it was nothing short of a whirlwind. "You know, you can sit and relax," Sonic offered, his mouth still full of chili dog. "This is a place for kicking back, not for...this." He gestured vaguely at the cleaning frenzy.

"I can tell. You don't own cleaning supplies," Shadow said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He looked around the kitchen for a broom or mop, his gaze landing on a dusty corner where a forgotten duster lay. "But I guess we can make do," he murmured, picking it up and giving it a disgusted look.

With a sigh, Sonic swallowed the last of his chili dog and took his plate to the sink. "You know, it's not that bad," he said again, trying to sound nonchalant as he rinsed it off. "It's just...comfortable."

"Stop defending this mess," Shadow said, his voice low but firm as he tackled the living room. He tossed a handful of crumpled-up papers into the trash bag. "A clean environment is conducive to clear thinking. And I can't think clearly when everything's a mess."

"Yeesh, sorry." Sonic said with a dramatic eye-roll, setting the plate aside to help with the cleaning. He picked up a random game controller, inspecting it for dust before setting it on the newly cleared coffee table with a clatter.

Shadow shot him a glare. "That goes there," he pointed to a shelf now apparently designated for electronics. Sonic shrugged and tossed it in the right direction, watching as it barely missed knocking over a pile of VHS tapes.

"Best you step aside, speed demon," Shadow said, his eyes on the dust bunny that had the audacity to scurry across the floor. He took a step towards it, his movements deliberate. The dust bunny froze, seemingly aware of the predator in its midst, before darting under the couch. Sonic chuckled, watching Shadow's intense focus.

"Alright, I'll...leave ya to it. I guess I should go shopping for some cleaning stuff, huh?" Sonic chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

Shadow ignored him, apparently now trying to snatch the dust bunny from under the couch with a surprising amount of determination. Sonic took it as a sign that he wasn't needed anymore, so he slipped out of the house to grab some supplies.

Finally alone, Shadow let out a deep sigh, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he surveyed the remaining mess. He began to pick up the cushions from the floor, his eyes scanning for any signs of life, like a ninja on a reconnaissance mission. The couch looked surprisingly clean under the layer of clutter, and he couldn't help but wonder if Sonic ever actually sat on it. He tossed the last cushion onto the now-bare sofa and took a moment to appreciate the order he had created amidst the chaos.

He sat down on the couch with a sigh, deciding that the dust bunny could wait. The fabric was surprisingly plush, and he found himself sinking into it, his muscles loosening. It was fairly cleaner now, at least more so than before he started. He looked around the room, his eyes lingering on the bookshelf, where books were stacked haphazardly, some with their spines cracked and pages sticking out.

For some reason, it made him itchy seeing them so disorganized. He couldn't help himself; he had to fix it. Shadow stood up from the couch, dusting off his gloves, and approached the bookshelf with purpose. Each book was handled with care, straightening out the pages, aligning the spines, and placing them back in their rightful spot. He paused at a title that caught his eye—a book on ancient civilizations. He pulled it out, flipping through the pages. It was surprising to find something so...intellectual in this mess.

He placed all the books in a line according to their size, the largest to the smallest. Maybe it was his compulsive need for order, but seeing them neat and tidy gave him a strange sense of satisfaction. He no longer felt that itchy feeling of chaos all around him, which was a solid start.

With Sonic no longer present, Shadow decided to roam around the rest of the house. The hallway was lined with framed photos of Sonic and his friends, each capturing a moment of victory or shared laughter. Shadow didn't see himself in any of them, which was perfectly fine by him. He didn't do well with sentimentality. Or smiling in photos.

When he entered Sonic's bedroom, he was actually surprised to see that it was somewhat organized. The bed was made, with a few pillows neatly arranged at the headboard, and the clothes were folded into a neat pile at the foot of the bed. The only anomaly was a single, crumpled sock dangling from the bedpost. Shadow picked it up with the tip of his finger and raised an eyebrow. He tossed it into the laundry basket in the corner of the room.

"What a pig." Shadow mumbled, poking the tip of his shoe at a pile of either clothes or blankets in the corner of Sonic's bedroom.

There wasn't much for him to actively clean in Sonic's room, so he sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the bounce of the springs beneath him. It was surprisingly comfortable. He glanced over to the nightstand, where a photo of a young Sonic with a stern-looking owl caught his attention. He picked it up, staring at it for a second before setting it back down. He wasn't overly interested in the blue hedgehog's past, but it was a rare glimpse into his personal life—something that was usually as fast-paced and fleeting as Sonic himself.

He poked at the clothes folded at the foot of the bed, looking around for something to do. He could start cleaning again, but there was a smell that caught his attention, coming from the folded clothes. It wasn't a bad smell in any way; it was faintly sweet, and smelled strongly of Sonic.

Sonic's scent was faint but unmistakable. A combination of the outdoors, a hint of sweat from their many battles, and a faint trace of the soap he used in the shower. Shadow's curiosity was piqued, and he found himself holding a sweater to his nose, inhaling deeply. He frowned, unsure why he was so drawn to the scent. It was...comforting, in a weird way.

He began to purr, a gentle motor-like rumble in his chest. It was a hedgehog habit he hadn't realized he'd somehow mastered, a sign of his comfort. The sweater was soft between his gloved fingers, and he found himself stroking the fabric absently, the sound of his purr growing louder. It was a red sweater, faded and worn, but it was clear that Sonic had cherished it. It was brand new, aside from the scent that clung to it.

Without really realizing it, Shadow rubbed his quills against the sweater's fabric, enjoying the feeling of the soft material against his spikes. The smell was comforting, and he wanted, for some reason, to take the scent with him. He rubbed it against his cheek, feeling the warmth it held. It was a strange sensation for someone who had spent his entire life being cold and detached from others.

Quietly, with his arms full of cleaning equipment, Sonic watched from the doorway of his room. He smiled, slowly backing up so he wouldn't disturb Shadow. It was a rare sight to see his usually stoic and solitary friend looking so content—or at least, as content as Shadow ever did. He knew the black hedgehog wasn't one for messes, but to see him actively seeking out comfort in the scent of a worn-out sweater was something new.

"I should wear that sweater more often." Sonic muttered to himself as he tip-toed back down the hallway.

[jjwolves]

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ KISS MY SUPER BOWL RING

What: 5 Headcanons of Moony X Reader

Who: Moony from ENA by Joel G

How Much: ~700 words, ~3 mins

Credits: Image Banner -> Joel G, Divider -> @enchanthings-a

Warnings: None

(Psst! Green is reader!)

Dating Moony is weird. I mean, besides being a floating moon (head?) and existing inside of a digital wonderland where pixels collapse in on themselves when you aren’t looking at them. It’s weird in something approximating humanity. Moony wouldn’t be caught dead saying that she loves you. She doesn’t even admit that you two are dating at first. “Don’t get weird on me,” is what she says when you give her affection or try to get any from her. That is, until you don’t want to go to that mall in the sky surrounded by an ominous green tornado, at which point Moony tilts, and, in a tone which is somewhere between apathetic and sincere, says, “Aren’t you literally my love-satellite? Get serious.” She squints. “It’s you and me against the city. Then the world, obviously, but we gotta start somewhere.”

Moony prefers to let her actions do all the talking in her relationships, but oddly, in this case, it’s the opposite. You will know exactly where you stand with Moony based on what she doesn’t do. She often resorts to sarcasm and flippancy not long into an interaction with any other entity, but not you. For whatever reason, her fuse is a lot longer than normal when it comes to you. When you’re doing something stupid and you’d expect Moony to huff and call you out on your lapse in sanity, she passively vouches for your madness instead. Onlookers greeting you with a raised eyebrow are hit with a defensive “What?” Later on, she’ll tell you, “They’re all weirdos anyways. And mega-haters. Don’t you dare start caring about opinions from people like that; you’ll thank me later.”

Moony starts carrying things in her eye-space for you. Of course, she tries to deny this. “Whaaat? Churros? In my crater? So what?! Celestial bodies gotta eat!” They don’t. The churros taste delicious, even though they're green. “Well, I guess you might as well take this awesome rock I found. It’s been weighing me down all day.” It was secretly a gift. “Yeah, someone deposited their sword here. Not mine. I can’t even use it. You may as well take it. I’m basically a lost-and-found bin now.” She just wanted to see what you look like with a sword. You carefully extract the blade and hold it up in the air to inspect it. The light dramatically falls on your back and glares off the weapon. “Whoa. Sick, dude,” she mutters. “I knew it.”

You start understanding Moony’s weird jokes. Once, when you were near a haughty sea monster trying to squeak notes out of some sort of ancient brass instrument, Moony joked, “It sounds like you can tuna fish, but you can’t force him to take music lessons, am I right?” and you got it. You laughed. It was at something only approximating the vague rhythms of comedy and nothing more, but she had endeared you so that you found it funny anyway. Her eye widened. “Oh! You like that! Well, uh, I’ve got more, obviously! Keep laughing!” She begins trying to crack jokes at an unprecedented rate, each one degrading in coherence until she’s essentially spouting color and movement. “Dog hat cow bell mouse rat. Or am I crazy?” “Okay, that’s a tad bit too far. Go back.” “What? You love it. Right?” “I do. But you need to go back to your old jokes for both of us. We’ll be laughing at white noise if we go any further.”

You find that Moony, despite her apathetic facade, really enjoys putting on a show for you and getting you to laugh. Her inner court jester energy tends to manifest in her exquisite corpse-tier jokes, of course, but this side of her hijacks the train when you two watch a movie or TV show together. Expect her to loudly commentate and dub over every scene in an embarrassingly sincere attempt to be funny, Mystery Science Theater 3000 style, but badly. “What are those two blob guys doing standing around? Why are they dressed the same? ‘Aaah, my doppelganger, get him!’ Dead. Heh! I could write this stuff” You’re unable to focus on what’s happening on the TV and eventually give up, drifting to sleep, but it’s not a bad thing to fall asleep to. Not at all.

A/N: Does anyone else here listen to The Garden?

[moonstruckme]

Feels like home by bae miller and Jessie reyez with Eddie. This just screams causal dominance. Like they go to a party her dress is rising up but she’s alittle too drunk or faded to care so he pulls it down and she drinks to much so the next morning he fills her in on all the shenanigans they got up to. And even tho she does not like metal music she keeps the records in her room for him. So like after the party they come back to her place(I’m a sucker for Henderson reader) and then they take a nap after they wake up hung over and then stay up all night talking and being cuteeeeeee

Thanks for requesting honey! I forgot to include the part about the records, but I hope you like it anyway <3

cw: mentions of alcohol, hangover, blackout/missing memories

Eddie Munson x fem!reader ♡ 833 words

Eddie is a bit worried for himself. He’s woken up before you, face a whisper away from yours. Your mouth is open, a lazy river of drool pooling on his pillow, you’ve got total raccoon eyes going on after rubbing your eye makeup all over the place, and there is not one but two m&ms crusted to your cheek. And you’re the most beautiful thing Eddie’s ever seen. 

That’s got to be a problem, right? It can’t be good for his sanity to be this delusionally in love. 

It’s not long after he’s woken that you make a muffled whining sound, rolling onto your stomach. Eddie sets a hand between your shoulder blades, rubbing firmly. 

“Hey there,” he says, because he’s a selfish asshole who’d rather have you up with him than let you sleep. Whatever. He practically carried you home. You owe him one. 

You groan, a dragged-out sound of great hardship. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Fuck,” you whimper. 

“Hey, at least you didn’t throw up. Way to go, hot stuff.” He holds up your limp hand and high-fives it, grinning at his own stupid joke. 

You turn your head to the side, lids peeling open until dim slivers of consciousness are visible through your mess of makeup. “I didn’t?” 

Eddie chuckles at your confusion, giving your shoulder a loving squeeze. “No, you didn’t, baby. Don’t remember much about getting home, huh?” 

“Don’t remember much, period.” You start the miserable climb up the wall behind Eddie’s bed, clawing your way upright. An m&m falls from just under your cheekbone, leaving a small pink circle in its place. You reach up confusedly, brushing off the other one. “How did those get there?” 

Eddie shuffles closer to you, trading his pillow for your thigh. “You dug through a bag of trail mix for them before you knocked out.” 

Your lips pull to the side, considering, before you pick up the m&m and pop it in your mouth. “So, what did we do last night?” 

Eddie can’t honestly say it’s all crystal clear for him either. Some things stick out, like the image of your ass hanging out of your dress in the moments before he pulled the fabric down, over and over again, or the blissed-out look on your face when Eddie took a hit from his joint and blew the smoke into your waiting mouth. The feel of your lips against the shell of his ear when you leaned in close to whisper, I know we don’t like the same stuff, but can we agree that the music here is crap?

“You insisted on pissing on the Carver’s lawn on the way home from Sweeney’s place,” he reminds you. “I tried to stop you, but your ass is quick when you want something, you know that?” 

Your eyebrows raise a second before you nod approvingly. “Good. Very deserved, after what they did to you.” 

“My fucking hero,” Eddie drawls, twisting upwards to give you a kiss. It turns salacious fast, you burying your fingers in his curls and him sucking your bottom lip between his teeth. He climbs on top of you, hands bracketing your hips, and you make a magnificent keening sound a second before breaking away with a gasp. 

“Eddie,” you say breathlessly, an air of epiphany about you. “Eddie, you know what would be so good right now? Like, would be the best thing ever?” 

“What, sweet thing?” He rests his cheek against yours. Your hair smells like sweat and weed. 

“A McDonald’s hashbrown.” 

A chuckle rumbles through Eddie’s chest. “You’re still drunk.” 

He can hear the eye-roll in your voice. “Whatever, so are you. But doesn’t that sound good?” 

“Yeah, baby, it does.” He kisses your nose before leaning back to see you. “Two problems, though. McDonald’s doesn’t open for breakfast until five, and my van’s still parked at the curb outside Sweeney’s house.”

You go quiet, pensive. You start to chew on your lip, but Eddie thumbs it out from between your teeth, tutting. “Isn’t McDonalds on the way there?” you ask after a minute. 

He thinks about it. “I mean, if we go the way by the tracks, I guess it is.” 

You grin. “Then if we start walking now, we can hit it for hashbrowns on the way, and pick up your van after.” 

Eddie heaves a long-suffering sigh, letting his body slither down until his head rests on your lap again. 

You laugh, toying with the baby hairs at his temples. “C’mon, Eds, they’re gonna taste so good. Plus, you’ve gotta get your van anyway. Two birds, one stone.” 

“I know, my girl’s a fucking genius.” Eddie passes a hand over his face, steeling himself. “Okay, sweet thing, but you’re gonna have to change. I can’t be on dress duty when I’m double-fisting two hashbrowns.” 

You bend to kiss him happily between his eyebrows before shuffling out from under him. Eddie’s head hits the mattress, and he wonders if he might regret this.

[creechurrr]

I have come to the conclusion that I am a SUCKER for the "you're no longer you, you've been twisted beyond recognition, but I depend on your so so much I will do whatever it takes to stay by your side to the point I lose myself" relationship because I am now hopelessly into Link Click, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, and the Summer Hikaru Died.

Skephalo is also there on its own level.

Link Click isn't where one is already twisted beyond recognition, but it is "you have already died before and I am doing everything in my power to bring you back even if it makes the world's biggest hypocrite, even if I am destroying myself and alone in the process".

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint is kind of like Link Click in the terms of it has the vibe of that dynamic I like, where "one is dying so we keep going back over and over again for you, even though your so freaking INSISTENT that you must die to save everyone, BUT WE LOVE YOU LIKE YOU LOVE US."

The Summer Hikaru Died is the "you died and now you're something completely different, by all accounts you are a monster, but I love you so much that I want to stay by you no matter what, no matter what it'll do to me". And it is BEAUTIFUL for that. It is my absolute new favourite thing. I genuinely cannot wait to read more, because I am rattling the bars of my cage for them.

And then Skephalo is my og obsession into that dynamic and probably why I'm not gonna main tag anything because it's really stupid funny to have one of the best ever donghua's, a 5,000 page novel/comic, and a manga being adapted into an anime, and then MINECRAFT ROLEPLAY 💀

BUT EVERYONE HAS GOTTA HEAR ME OUT BECAUSE C!SKEPHALO IS PERFECT IN SO MANY WAYS. IT'S LITERALLY PERFECT YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. Bad is already corrupted and becoming unlike himself after meeting this Eldritch deity, and Skeppy is so frustrated and desperate to have HIS Bad back. So Skeppy gives himself to the deity to free Bad, but Bad is so distraught he ends up falling COMPLETELY into this Eldritch deity's hold, because Skeppy is now a shell of himself, and Bad will do ANYTHING to save him, including build an empire and kill everyone else he knows and loves. Bad is angry with how dull and hateful this shell of Skeppy is towards him when Bad is trying to create an empire and kill their friends to SAVE HIM, kills Skeppy in anger, Skeppy revives uncorrupted, realizes this means he has to kill Bad in order to save him, and when Bad fails everything to try and save a Skeppy he thought he killed, he escaped and Skeppy kills him on the dock, during a sunrise, filled with love and forgiveness.

But time goes by and Skeppy realizes Bad is still under the Eldritch entity's hold, and becomes scared of losing Bad again, Bad who is also beginning to lose his memories and sanity once more. So Skeppy goes against all of Bad's wishes, goes back to the deity, works for him to kill all of their friends for GOOD, because Bad is worth more than all of them, only for Bad to get caught up in the plan and fall into the deity's hands again anyway.

AND THEN WHO FUCKING KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT, BUT BAD AND SKEPPY SACRIFCED SO MUCH FOR EACH OTHER AND KILLED FOR EACH OTHER AND THEN ACTUALLY KILLED EACH OTHER LIKE. C!SKEPHALO IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE.

[abbyslev]

okay but hange and reader going on a double date w erwin and levi 🤭🤭 ERURI 🔛🔝🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

𝑫𝑶𝑼𝑩𝑳𝑬 𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑺- 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹 & 𝑬𝑹𝑼𝑹𝑰

A/N: OH EM GEE GUYS i GUESSSSSSS🙄🙄🙄 i wrote this for my totally not sweet kind gorgeous sexy beautiful kind funny hilarious angelic friend who i love so much🙄🙄 TOTALLY NOT🙄🙄 anyways I ENJOYED WRITING THIS SM LIKE UGH ITS SO CUTE I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS REEEEAAAAGGGG

double dates are A NEED

either a fancy dinner or a bar

erwin always always ALWAYS pays 

hange reaches for the check and erwin just slides his card in there 

you four alternate at which restaurant 

you guys never ever run out of topics to talk about!!

you guys having baking dates

erwin and levi def have a bakery together, so they try and teach you and hange 

hange ends up messing things up and levi’s like “ykw you just watch for the sake of my sanity” 

THE TREATS COME OUT YUMMY

YOU GUYS GO ON HIKESSSS!!

hange and you know lots of good trails 

erwin’s def the type of person to bring 100 water bottles, snacks, bug spray, bandaids, ALL OF IT 

levi is complaining about his shoes getting dirty 

hange picked up random bugs and erwin’s like “oh ok! interesting… set it down.” 

“he’s not gonna hurt you, eyebrows” hange rolled their eyes smfh 

beach dates omg they are the cutest 

again, here comes erwin with everything in his house 

hange splashes everyone while levi’s like “:|”

can’t even lie erwin made some BANGER sandwiches 

you told hange to let it digest before going back to swimming 

“nothings gonna happen you’re just overthinking it!” hange fired back 

also them in the car on the ride home “Y/NNNN MY STOMACH HURTSSS!!”

ooo late night homemade dinner nights 

erwin and levi bring the best local wine and steak 

you make stuffed baked potatoes and hanges just sitting there like :D

oooof the topics hall get into are crazy 

from the deepest darkest theories to hange’s crazy thoughts 

you guys are so different, you and hange hold hands and hange likes to eat off of your plate as to where erwin and levi sit by each other and keep pda to a minimum LMAO

hange def knows a place where cherry blossom trees bloom every year 

hange takes you guys there and you make a picnic basket 

levi and erwin enjoy it very much :) 

they had a moment where levi just laid on erwin’s lap and erwin ran his fingers through his hair 

hange was def trying to climb trees or something 

DOUBLE DATE VACATIONS OMG you guys love traveling together 

erwin def organizes the trip 

hange knows a bunch of different languages so you guys can basically go anywhere and they know it 

nothing is ever a secret between you four 

erwin is a gossip FIEND 

hange and levi aren’t that into the gossip so they usually merge into their own conversations 

wine tasting is def a need for erwin

levi prefers his tea tasting but he’ll do whatever for his husband I GUESSS

double dates are a need no matter what, plus what’s better than getting four friends together ?? NOTHING 

[phangirlof]

Is it Over Now?

Pairing: Willhelm x Simon

Word Count: 7451

Summary: Picks up Two years after season1 of Young Royals. Simon decides it’s best to break things off and move on despite that being the last thing either him or Willhelm want to do.

Two years. Simon tried to hold back tears as his thoughts kept racing to places he couldn't get them away from. For the last two years he’d been Willhelm’s dirty little secret. His hidden trophy. The toy he kept selfishly from the rest of the kids. At first it was much easier to push these thoughts to the side but now? After countless secret sleepovers and meet ups. Short lived glances in the hallways or across the lunch table. He was so tired of feeling guilty and ashamed of himself, as if he was doing something wrong. Like some part of who he was was dirty. 

He loved that boy with everything in him. From his heart to his soul and everything else in between. No one he’d ever met had even come close to making him feel the way Wilhelm did, but at the same time no one had quite broken his spirit as much as he did either. 

“If you loved me I wouldn’t feel like this Wille. If you loved me like you say you do then I wouldn’t have to lie about our relationship to the whole world. I want someone to love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly and not worry about the consequences. They love me and they would stop at nothing or no one to love me. And I know that you can’t do that.” 

“But I do. I really really do Simon. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

“It’s okay, I know it’s not your fault.” 

The look in Willhelm’s eyes was slowly ripping Simon’s heart to shreds. All he wanted was to stay strong and get through this conversation. Move on and finally close the door on this chapter of his life. He was tired of hurting but hurting Wilhelm was truly the last thing he wanted to do. 

“Please Si, don’t do this. Give me just a little more time and I’ll make everything right. I promise.” The tears continued to fall and Wilhelm didn’t care to wipe them away. 

“I love you. I always will but for my own sanity I just can’t do this anymore.”

Simon gathered his belongings and started to make his way home, leaving Wilhelm behind. What had started out as a nice day alone, the two boys laying around on a blanket hidden away at a park nearby Simon’s house turned into the one thing Simon never anticipated. Their breakup. The further away he walked, the more tears of his own cascaded along his cheeks. Although he wanted nothing more than to turn around and run back into Wilhelm’s arms, he knew this was for the best, despite how shitty and broken he felt. 

In the distance he could hear Willhelm calling his name. Simon didn’t know what else could be said but he turned around anyway. 

“I will do whatever it takes to be with you.” Simon didn’t know how to respond so he just gave the other boy a weak smile and carried on the way he came. 

It’d been months since he last talked to Willhelm. Some days were easier than others. Some days he was really busy with classes, studying extra hard especially with graduation closer than ever, and the rowing team. Now that August was gone, Simon had been voted team captain and he had more responsibility than ever. But it was days like this that got to him the worst. Days where he was all caught up on homework and all of his friends were too busy to hangout. Days where he had nothing to keep his thoughts occupied. 

It would start with small memories like their first kiss or when they first met. The way he caught Willhelm’s attention and held onto which always resulted in an adorable, pink blush spreading across Willhelm’s face and him sheepishly looking away. Then he would move on to thinking about their first sleepover at his house. They were so excited to spend so much alone time together, they accidentally stayed up all night talking. No matter how many good memories came to mind, everything always ended up going back to the sex scandal and how alone he felt when Willhelm denied all the rumors. 

A knock on Simon’s door gratefully interrupted his thoughts. He reached for his phone, turning the music down he had originally turned on to ease his thoughts. “Simon, it’s Sara. Open up!” Sara shouted after knocking once more. A small grin took over his face. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t be so impatient.” He rolled out of bed to let her in. 

“Hello.” She said. Sara gave Simon a little wave as she entered the room and plopped down on his bed. “Hey Sara, what are you doing here? Not that I don’t enjoy your company.” Simon said, taking claim of the other side of the bed. “I thought you were going to a party with Felice tonight.”

“I am, but I wanted to see if you’d come too.” Despite the overwhelming urge to just stay in his room, Simon knew it was much better than being stuck thinking about things he couldn’t change. “Umm, yeah. I’d love to. What time does it start?” He asked. 

“I think about an hour ago.” She said with a quick shoulder shrug. Simon couldn’t help but laugh. “And you waited ‘til after the party started to see if I wanted to go?” 

“Yeah, I kinda forgot about the party so when Felice called I told her I was waiting on you to get ready. She’s waiting on us downstairs so I need you to hurry up.” Simon shook his head and continued to laugh. 

“Okay well get out so I can change and I’ll be down there soon.” Sara left without another word. Simon looked through piles of clothes trying to decide what to wear. He hadn’t been out in so long he had no clue what to wear. After a brief moment of panic he decided he would wear something simple. A plain t-shirt and jeans. It’s not like I have anyone to impress. Simon pushed the thought aside and finished getting ready. His final touches were a couple of bracelets, a chain, and a spritz of cologne. The last thing he did before he left for the night was shove his phone in his pocket and cut off his bedroom lights and with that he was on his way to the party.

***

Simon’s head was killing him. He’d gotten way too drunk way too fast and now he was paying for it. He couldn’t go too long without throwing up. Not to mention every time he tried to stand up his vision blurred and he ended right back on the floor. In all of the party hype he’d also managed to lose Sara and Felice. Gratefully for him he’d managed to find the bathroom which is exactly where he had spent most of his night. Hugged up to one of the nastiest toilets he’d ever seen was the quietest place he’d been since he arrived at this party, not that he was complaining. 

Simon patiently waited for everything to stop spinning and his stomach to settle before he tried to get up again. Once he was up and moving, he slowly made his way back to the party. To his shock the teenage chaos had settled down some. Usually these parties would go on the whole weekend. Whoever was in charge of the music had completely changed the vibe. Before he left they were blaring loud, bass heavy rap music and now it was smooth r&b. It was very soothing to him. Now Simon could actually hear himself think.

“There y-you are, we’ve been l-looking for you!” Sara slurred, latching Simon into a drunken side hug. Felice tried to gently pull her off so they could talk. “Really, where have you been? We looked all over for you!” Felice exclaimed. She was nowhere near as drunk as Simon or Sara. “I got really d-dizzy and s-sick. I don’t know how I got there, but I ended up in the b-bathroom.” Simon replied, sending a lazy gesture towards the men’s room he’d just left. 

“Well I’m glad you’re okay, but I guess that means you haven’t heard.” Felice’s entire demeanor changed once she finished her sentence. Simon looked at her puzzled. “What do you m-mean? Have I heard w-what?” Felice silently took out her phone and handed it to him. 

Upon first glance Simon had no clue what he was looking at. His eyes just wouldn’t focus in, but after a moment of struggling he finally got it. It was someone’s instagram. Simon checked the username. It was Willhelm’s account. The post itself was nothing but a black screen, however Simon came to realize that the caption was what was important. 

Hello. Willhelm here. Against my mother’s wishes I have two announcements to make. My first announcement is my coming out. I’m gay. Yep, the crown prince is gay. Someone very important to me made it clear that a life of hiding who I really am to keep up a fake persona is not one worth living, so I won’t be living it anymore. I hurt the most important person in my life trying to please everyone else and this is only the first step to make it up to them. I’m proud to be who I am and from here on out I will always be proud and open about it. Now that that’s out of the way my second announcement is to let everyone of Sweden know that I am stepping down from my position of Crown Prince. I’m well aware that after the passing of my brother, it was my duty to take his place, but it was never what I wanted. All I ever wanted was to be a normal kid and to live a normal life and that’s exactly what I intend to do. Thank you for reading, but for now this is all I have to say. 

Simon just kept reading the long message over and over again. He was racking his brain just trying to understand exactly what Willhelm had done. He finally publicly came out. He told the entire world that he was gay. The two had had too many conversations about this although Simon never thought Willhelm would ever actually be able to. He was the crown prince of Sweden after all. He had a certain prestigious, good boy image to keep up and his mother made it very clear what he was and wasn’t allowed to share with the public.

It was the second part of the message that Simon really had trouble wrapping his brain around. Willhelm was stepping down? Is that allowed? Is there anyone else to take his place? There’s no way in hell his mother will actually allow this. Simon had so many thoughts racing through his head. He just couldn’t make sense of it all. 

“Simon, Simon?” Felice was snapping her fingers in front of him, trying to get his attention. “Are you okay?”

“I,” Simon was at a complete loss for words. And thoughts. And feelings. He had no idea what this meant or if this even meant anything for him. “don’t know.” Surely Willhelm didn’t do this for him. Too much time had passed since he’d even laid eyes on him. There was no way he did this for him. 

Simon closed his eyes. He needed just one moment to think. This was too much for him to handle right now. He’d spent these last few months trying to convince himself that Wilhelm was well on his way to moving on. He kept trying to beat it into his brain that their break up was for the best and that everything would be okay. That he was on his way to moving on too. However all it took was some stupid instagram post to ruin all his progress. 

Felice hooked one arm around Sara and the other around Simon.“Hey Simon, let’s get you back to the dorms.” Simon opened his eyes and shook his head in agreement. The longer he stayed at this party, the harder it got to breathe. He knew he was being ridiculous, nevertheless it felt like everyone was staring at him. It felt like everyone had read the same thing he did, but they knew he was the reason behind it all. 

Maybe it was his lack of attention or maybe it was all the shortcuts Felice was taking, but Simon was back in his room in no time. Felice had gotten him everything he could need before she left. A cold bottle of water and a back up one for later, a trash can, and a couple of snacks. He was starving. After the party and Wilhelm’s bombshell announcement, he’d barely realized he hadn’t eaten anything all night. He had other things on his mind right now. He had millions of questions. All in all, he was still having a hard time comprehending exactly what had happened tonight. 

After all, what was the point of all this? As far as he knew Wilhelm was finally accepting all his royal responsibilities. The last few times they were together, Wilhelm actually seemed kinda excited. In fact he’d been doing so well with representing the royal family and behaving himself (to the Queen’s standards of course), the Queen herself was quite impressed. Simon didn’t know when things changed for Wilhelm, or why he might be the turning point for him. 

Simon sighed and reached into his pocket for his phone. It was six am. He was exhausted. Tonight had been way too much for him to handle. Earlier that night was the drunkest he’d been since his first year of Hillerska. Simon put his phone on the charger and not long after he set it down he fell asleep.

***

“Hello darling, how’s your food?” Simon’s mother asked him as she took her place across the dining room table. 

“Amazing, as always. Your cooking never disappoints!” He’d said with a full face grin. After the whirlwind of emotions and events that had occurred this past weekend, Simon decided it'd be best if he just came home and spent some quality time with his mom. He loved coming home. It always felt as though his mother had a special  way of making all his worries disappear. 

He appreciated his father springing out the money to secure him and Sara dorms at Hillerska, but sometimes he preferred staying with his mother. He had everything he needed here. He didn’t want to argue with his father, so he just let him do this and thanked him for his kindness. Getting them in the dorms was the first big thing he’d done for them in a very long time. He just let his father have that little victory and just came home whenever he needed.

“Thank you love, how is school coming along?”

“Good. A little tough right now, overall good. Classes feel like they're never ending with homework and projects, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” Simon replied.

“Well it seems to be that you have a good outlook on things. How is the rowing team coming along? Do you guys know when your next event is?”

“We don’t know an exact date yet, however we think there should be another next month. If we win that one we’ll qualify for regionals. That’s the one we’ll travel for. Regionals ”

“That’s great Simon. Make sure to let me know when everything is, so I can request off from work. I’ve been picking up extra shifts, and we can turn regionals into a whole little family vacation. If you’re up for it.” 

I smiled at my mom. The thought of a getaway was amazing. We hadn’t gone anywhere just to enjoy things and relax as a family since I was younger. “I love that.”

My mother and I carried on a conversation for a while. We continued talking about our future vacation plans and all the things we could do. It was just so nice to be here with her. Being home always brought me to peace. Eventually we ended up finishing dinner. I helped my mother clear the table and put away the leftovers. I washed the dirty dishes as Mom dried them and put them away. We took place in the living room. As we continued to chat, I reached for the tv remote. 

“What would you like to watch?” I said. Once the tv came to life, I noticed it was on a news channel.

“Anything’s fine with me dear.” Mom replied. 

I was about to change the channel when something caught my attention. Footage of a car wreck flashed across the screen. It was a terrible pile up with many vehicles involved. 

“Simon, you should change that.” Mom began.

“I know mom. It must be important if it made the news though.” I said.

“True enough, but don’t leave it on for too long. You know I don’t really care to watch stuff like that.”

“I won't, I just want to see what it’s about.”

“More in about tonight’s terrible crash. We’ve gotten updates about what caused the crash. It turns out the semi-truck involved lost control of his brakes. He couldn’t slow down in time to avoid the cars in front of him. This led to a pile up as several cars behind the truck did not see this coming in time and hit the truck as well”

“Simon sweetie, I really think you should go ahead and switch to something else. This is horrible.”

“I know Mom, I just want to know.”

“The truck was transporting nothing but gasoline, so upon impact of the two government cars in front of him, there was an immediate explosion. Four people were airlifted to the nearest hospital however everyone in the government vehicles died on the scene. This includes not only several Royal bodyguards but the entire remaining members of the Royal Family. It’s incredibly sad to think about. It’s been two years since the death of Prince Eric, as well as not even a week since Crown Prince Wilhelm took to social media announcing his self-disowning of the Crown, but now we are left with no one from the immediate family. It’s one of the worst days Sweden has seen-”

Simon shut the TV off. The silence that followed was heavy. His mother didn’t dare speak a word. Not that it would help Simon in any way right now. 

He should’ve listened. Why doesn’t he ever listen?

The lump in his throat was too thick to swallow. Simon kept trying to. He couldn’t help himself. His mind was on several planets away right now. He’d heard and seen alot of things this week. He had gotten way too drunk to handle. He practically made out with the grossest toilet he’d ever seen. He read Wilhelm’s coming out and resignation of sorts all in one post. Now here he was with the news that not only had Wilhelm been in a car wreck, but he was dead. 

He had so much life to live. He had too many things to finish. Too much world to see. Too many laughs to laugh, smiles to smile, cries to cry. As much as Simon hated the thought, too many other people to fall in love with. He will never fall in love and get to love shamelessly and fully. He will never start a family. He will never get to be prince, no matter how much he hated that. 

Simon’s mind was running rampant, but he started to reel in. 

Wilhelm won’t see college. 

He won’t graduate high school. 

He won’t be there for regionals, barely two months away. 

Wilhelm was gone. Wilhelm is gone. 

Simon didn’t realize it, but tears were streaming down his face. His breathing had become short and staggered. So short that he could barely catch it. It felt like he was starting to hyperventilate. Suddenly he couldn’t keep enough oxygen in his lungs and his chest began to sting. 

Despite the desperate calls of his mother being the only sound to fill the room, all he could hear was ringing. A high pitched ringing that wouldn’t stop. He tried to speak, but once again all he could hear was the ringing. Nothing else. Simon kept trying. Over and over again. He tried to shout out for his mother. For Sara. For Wilhelm. He could feel the sting in his throat from the yelling. He just wanted to hear himself, his mother, anything but this god damn ringing. Wilhelm. Wilhelm. He wanted to hear Wilhelm. Speak to him one more time. Look into his eyes as he held him. He wanted to be with him. He was stupid for ever breaking things off in the first place. So fucking stupid. All he did was rob himself of the last few years of his life, of his own happiness. 

“Simon, baby can you hear me?” His mother was desperate for a response. She had never seen Simon break down like this. It was to no avail. Simon was worlds away in his own grief. She quickly rushed to his side and wrapped her arms around him. Simon buried his face in his mothers shoulder and continued to sob. 

***

The early morning sun shone through the cracks in the curtains. Simon flipped over to get away from the light that hit directly on his face. He grabbed the closest thing to him and brought it to his chest. It was soft and squishy. Simon opened his eyes to get a good look at it. It was his childhood stuffed animal. Simon had slept with this toy for years. It was one of the last things his father bought him before him and his mother split.

Simon got a good look at it. It was a small tiger. The black stripes had faded beyond belief. There was a small tear at the tail where Simon used to swing the toy around. 

The first thing that registered when Simon woke up was the smell of pancakes. He realized he was still at his mother’s house. A yawn overtook Simon’s face and he just let in. Simon sat up, swinging his feet out of the bed. His eyes fell onto the fish tank across the room. Watching the bright colored fish dart past each other. He smiled. He was reminded of memories of him and Wilheim watching them and making up stories of what they were doing in there. 

Wilheim. As fast as the good memories came, they left. Thoughts of the crash resurfaced. The images were so clear in his mind it felt like he’d been there. Simon choked up a sob. He covered his mouth. He couldn’t even control it. It happened too fast for him to realize. Wilheim died last night. His Wilheim. Wilheim. Gone. Just gone. You’ll never see him again. You’ll never hear him again. He’ll never speak to you, call you, text you. Look at you. Nothing. 

Tears clouded his vision and the sobs took over his body. The more these thoughts flooded his mind the less he could comprehend past the pain ripping through his body. Simon’s legs collapsed beneath him and he fell to the ground. He didn’t want to alarm his mother, however he was a wreck right now. Simon cried and cried. He didn’t know what else to do. All he felt was grief and sadness. The love of his life had vanished so quickly. So unpredictably. He wished he could go back and rewrite their story. He would love him more. He would care for him more. Listen more. Try to understand him and see their situationship from his point of view. 

The more he cried the more selfish he felt. In a way he felt responsible for what happened. If only he would’ve listened to him. Maybe they would’ve been together last night enjoying the safety of each other in one of their dorms. The thought did damage. Terrible damage. He was crying so hard he couldn’t catch his breath. It felt like there wasn’t enough air in this room. He had to get out. He needed air. He needed space. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Simon gathered all the strength he had to get off the floor. His legs were still shaky but at least he was up. He flung the door open and started running to the best of his ability. His mother was in the kitchen finishing breakfast. She attempted to call out for Simon but he rushed past her and out the front door. 

He didn’t know where to go but he felt like he couldn’t stop his legs now that they started to work. He ran down the street and the next one and the next one and the next. Houses and buildings were nothing but blurs as he kept pushing himself further and further away. He ignored the ache in his legs. He didn’t care about it right now. The wind on his face kept him going. He didn’t feel so trapped anymore and that’s all he cared about. He could breathe again. He could feel something other than the heartache that had been plaguing him since last night again. 

Simon started to slow down. The burning of his calves catching up to him. Eventually he came to a halt. He was breathing heavily and sweat poured off of him. He couldn’t recall a time when he’d run so fast for so long. Simon looked around him, taking in his surroundings. He was at a park across town at least 30 or 40 minutes away from his mother’s house. He began walking again, hoping to find a bench or table or anywhere to just rest after his trek. Just ahead of him he saw a picnic table. He found his place at the table. Simon put his head down on the table, taking deep breaths to soothe the sting of his lungs and the sharp prickling in his legs.

He didn’t know how long he’d been running. He’d lost all sense of time. He felt around his pockets for his phone, but came up empty handed. Guilt hit him like a ton of bricks. His mother was probably worried sick. He was never like this. Leaving so abruptly and in general just breaking down so badly. He needed to get home. 

Simon decided to try to make it back on foot. He wasn’t extremely familiar with the area, but he had been around a few times in his life. Before he attended Hillerska he had school friends that lived here. He had a vague memory of a few back roads that would send him in the right direction. After what Simon thought was at least fifteen minutes he found himself more familiar with the part of town he was in. If memory serves him correctly he’s not too far from his childhood best friend’s house. A few twists and turns later and he was approaching the house he’d spent some of his best days in. 

Simon knocked on the front door. He wasn’t completely sure if Elias or his family still lived here, but he figured it was worth a shot. A quick moment later he heard shuffling from inside the home. He took a step back from the door. He was met with the sight of his dear friend’s mother. Shock and surprise shone on her face, but happiness quickly replaced both of them. 

“Simmie, I have not seen you in ages! Come in, come in! Are you well? How are you? What are you doing these days?” She bombarded him with many questions. He didn’t know who to expect at the door, but the sight of her relieved his brief anxieties. “I’m okay Ma. Graduation is around the corner. I’m not into too much lately. Just school and I’m on the rowing team there.”

She hugged him as soon as the door was closed. “That’s wonderful Simmie! Are you studying hard? Oh my goddess how are your Mom and Sara? What are they up to? Gosh, It’s been too long really.” Simon laughed at her excitement. She was always a ray of sunshine. It was hard to feel down around her. “They’re fine. Good actually. Mom works at the hospital in town. Sara is good. She’s found good friends and enjoys school. She spends all her free time horse riding. Her favorite place to be is in the stables with her horses.”

Elias’ mother looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear. “That is so good to hear. It makes me happy. What brings you to this side of town Simmie? Your house is half an hour away right?” She questioned. 

SImon’s gaze dropped to the floor. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. He should’ve anticipated this question. He tried to come up with something convincing. “I was going for a run. I’ve been working on endurance and just stopped paying attention I guess.” He chuckled awkwardly. She seemed to buy his story, so he kept going. “I left my phone at home, but didn’t go back for it ‘cause I didn’t think I’d be gone too long. I was hoping I could use your phone to call my mom to come get me.”

“Of course sweetheart. Let me grab it for you.” Without hesitation the older woman was searching the room for her cellphone. “Ah and here it is.”

Simon grabbed the phone graciously. He quickly dialed his mother’s number. The phone barely reached the first ring before she answered. “Yes, hello?”

“Hey mom. It’s Simon.”

“Oh Simon! I almost had a heart attack when you raced out. You scared me so bad. I tried to run after you but you were just so quick. Are you alright? Where are you now?” She exclaimed. Her words came out quickly and they rushed together. “I called Ayub after you left and he’s out looking for you now.”

“I’m okay mom. Just ran to clear my head. I left my phone in my room or I would’ve called you sooner. Sorry to worry you. Can you come get me? I’m at Elias’ family home. I’m calling you from his mother’s phone.”

Simon could hear her sigh of relief over the phone. “Thank the heavens you are okay. I was so so worried something was going to happen to you love. I will be there shortly. I’m going to call your friend and let him know you're safe.”

“Okay Mom. I love you. I will see you soon.” Simon hung up the phone and handed it back to Elias’ mother. She sat at the dining table across the room and motioned for him to join her. She struck up a conversation with him. She began informing him of everything he’s missed over the years. She filled him in on Elias and his current whereabouts. Simon learned his old friend ended up studying abroad in another country. He was content in this moment. The two just went back and forth detailing their lives out until Simon’s mother got there. 

The journey home was much faster than the run over and for that Simon was grateful. His mother did not question him on his previous behavior, another thing Simon was grateful for. Once they arrived home he rushed inside. He wanted to take a shower and get changed. 

Simon turned the knob noticing it was unlocked. “Mom, I think you forgot to lock the door.” 

“I thought I had, but I was also in a hurry to get to you.” She said. 

“I’m sorry Mom, I really didn’t mean to worry you. I’m not even sure what came ov-,” Simon stopped mid sentence as he turned into the house. 

He blinked and he blinked and he blinked, but it didn’t change the fact that Wilhelm was standing in his kitchen. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself. Any words Simon knew left his brain. He couldn’t fathom the scene playing in front of him. Surely this was not his Willhelm. Surely he was confused. This couldn’t be the same Willhelm that he’d loved and laughed with. The one he’d cried with, cried over, cried because of. This couldn’t be the one he’d just started mourning last night. The very same Willhelm that he’d barely braced himself to never see again. 

“Simon,” He started to speak but he didn’t say anymore. His voice was hoarse as if he’d been crying or screaming for hours. Willhelm ran to him. He threw his arms around him urgently. Simon let himself fall right into Willhelm’s arms. Simon was still in complete shock. He couldn't understand what was happening to him. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. On repeat in his mind. It was the only thought in his head. He didn’t know how or why this was happening, but all he knew was he must be hallucinating his soulmate holding onto him for dear life. 

“Simon my mom,” Simon felt a wetness on his shoulder. “My dad,” As Willhelm tried to speak, his body shook on and off. “They’re dead Si.” He choked out. Simon still couldn’t find his words. He could feel the rapid drumming of his heart against his chest. His limbs grew weaker the longer the two stood together, wrapped around each other. 

“I was supposed to be with them. I blew up on Mom and screamed at her and stormed off. I was supposed to be in that car with them Si.” Willhelm barely made out the words between his sobs. He had never seen the bubbly boy so inconsolable in their relationship. His problems had always been bigger than Simon could imagine. Royal duties and an image to upkeep, but this was different. This was a much deeper than anything the two had taken on together. First his brother, his first best friend, the only one that understood him and cared about what he had to say. Now both of his parents in a single instant were gone. 

A trail of tears fell from Simon’s eyes despite his knowledge. He could feel the earth crumbling under Willhelm much like he’d experienced last night and just a few hours ago himself. He had no idea what losing your parents felt like, but he had experienced an unbearable sense of grief. 

“I’m so sorry WIlle. I'm so sorry.” It was all he could muster out, but it didn’t matter. Simon knew that. Willhelm continued sobbing and shaking. He didn’t have the energy for anything else. In the emotional chaos the two slowly ended up on the couch. Simon’s mother watched wordlessly. She had never been a part of a situation like this. She knew the boys were in two very different states of shock and anguish, but without any true way to help she just sat at the kitchen table waiting in case either of them needed anything. 

***

Simon woke up in a mountain of pillows and blankets. He was hot and sweaty and overall overwhelmed. His body was flushed with sweat and his clothes clung to his sweatier skin. He attempted to roll over and found himself stuck in place. When he looked over his shoulder he saw Willhelm curled up to his back. His face was buried into the top of his back. One arm underneath Simon’s neck and another wrapped around his waist. They’re legs were intertwined between the blanket mound. All of yesterday’s memories flooded back instantly. His breakdown, his run across town, coming home to see Willhelm, the two crying with each other until they passed out. 

Simon eased out of Willhelm’s grasp. He pulled away some of the blankets and began folding them. He turned behind him. In the kitchen his mother was still sat the kitchen table. She had fallen asleep there. She’d covered herself with a thick blanket. She had also taken one of the small couch cushions as a pillow. A pang of guilt struck him. She had to be so lost and clueless to the mess he was in.

Simon crossed through the small space to get to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook gently. “Mama,” He continued shaking until he felt her stir. “Mama, go lay down. We’re fine. Get some decent rest.” His mother stretched his arms high above her. 

“Are you sure my love?” She asked in a sleepy whisper. “Yes. Thank you for being by our sides, but you need to rest.” She stood up and collect her pillow. Before she left for her room she grabbed Simon’s face and kissed his forehead. She held his face in her hands, cupping them at his cheeks. “I love you so much Simon. I will do anything for you. Never forget it.” Simon nodded. Without another word, she went to her room. 

Simon turned back towards Willhelm. He still slept peacefully behind him. He joined the boy back on the couch, only sitting on the edge. He caressed his face carefully. He let his fingertips drift along the surface of the paler boy’s face. He’d missed him. He’d missed him so so much. More than he’d ever even realized he did. He’d missed his smile. The way his hair fell so softly against his face. He’d missed the way his hands felt within his own and how his skin always felt so soft underneath his fingertips. The smell of him. The smell he couldn’t find anywhere else no matter how hard he searched. He had missed this boy so much. 

The weight on his heart was lifted. Simon was beyond lucky that the tragedy that had struck hadn’t taken his love away. He couldn’t stop thinking about how less than a day ago he didn’t know if he would ever be okay again. He had no idea how he was going to live on without Willhelm. In this moment at least he didn’t have to think that way. Willhelm was here with him. He was right in front of him. On his couch. In his home. 

Simon felt Willhelm’s body. He was just as sweaty as Simon was earlier. He didn’t want to disturb the boy, but he didn’t want him to be so uncomfortable either. “Wille,” He ran a hand through his hair, and kissed his forehead. “Wake up Wille.” He didn’t budge. Simon kept trying to wake him. “Wake up Willie. Wake up love bug.” Simon started tugging at his arms. After a little while Willhelm began to rise. His swollen eyes fluttered open. He blinked multiple times as his eyes adjusted to the morning sun. 

“What time is it?” Willhelm managed out in between a long yawn. Simon looked around for his phone. It was on the side table on the other side of the couch. He didn’t remember putting it there. His mother must have done it. He retrieved it off the charger and unlocked it. He had many missed calls and messages from his friends. Everyone had sent some variation of “are you okay, we’re worried about you.” He decided he would reply to those later. 

“Eight am.” Simon finally answered. Willhelm brought his knees up on the couch and wrapped his arms around his legs, nestling them to his chest. Simon could see reality cascading back to him. 

The two sat in silence for a moment. Neither of them knew what to say or even what came next. Willhelm had no idea what his future would hold now or what he would do with it. Simon wanted to ask, but he knew that asking would probably send Willhelm into a bad spiral right now. 

“I’m sorry Si.” Willhelm mustered. 

“What are you sorry for?” Simon inquired.

“Bombarding you last night, but I needed you.”

“I’m not mad at you for anything, and you don’t need to feel sorry. I’ve needed you too.”

“I didn’t know if you were gonna be home and when no one was here after I let myself in I was gonna leave. I’d been here for about 15 minutes and decided to go before someone called the cops on me and then you came in.”

“This doesn’t feel real honestly. I never thought I’d see you again.” Simon’s voice dropped to a whisper. He’d finally vocalized the thoughts that had taken over his brain. 

“My whole plan was to get to you.” Willhelm’s eyes dropped to the floor. Him and Simon couldn’t get their eyes off each other as the conversation began, but now Willhelm was losing confidence. 

“I only wanted you Si. I didn’t care about being King anymore if that meant I couldn’t have you.”

Simon felt tears building in his eyes. He was tired of crying. He couldn’t help them though. Willhelm had just confirmed one of his nagging suspicions. Deep in his heart he knew that Willhelm had given up the crown for him. He felt so selfish for thinking it the first time it came to mind, but he just knew that Willhelm would do something like this. He had hoped for his sake he was wrong. He hoped he wouldn’t give up the only life he knew just for him. 

“But why Wille? You know I would never have asked that of you.”

“You didn’t have to.  I told you I’d do whatever it took to be with you and I meant it. You are the single most important person to me. It ate away at me everyday that you felt so shameful of our relationship and that I wasn’t doing all I could to prove my love for you, so I made the biggest move I could possibly make to show you I was serious.” Willhelm reached for Simon’s hands. He took both of them in his own and held onto them tightly. As if he was falling and he was desperate for him to hold on to him. “You deserved more. You deserve more, and I hope you can let me begin to make it up to you. If you don’t I can understand that. I can understand if you’ve moved on or just want to be without me. I would totally understand if you felt that way. Tell me no and I will leave you alone.”

Simon thought back to the day he broke everything off with Willhelm. 

“If you loved me I wouldn’t feel like this Wille. If you loved me like you say you do then I wouldn’t have to lie about our relationship to the whole world.”

He was so broken. He felt like his life was crumbling away with every word he spoke. Everything he had known, the life and the boy he’d grown so comfortable with was falling apart at his own hands. 

“I want someone to love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly and not worry about the consequences. They love me and they would stop at nothing or no one to love me. And I know that you can’t do that.” 

Simon remembered the pure anguish in Willhelm’s eyes. The brokenness of his spirit. He felt like he was looking into a mirror because everything he saw in Willhelm, he felt in himself a hundred times over. That was the last time they spoke before yesterday and here they were all these months later. The feelings he’d felt for him hadn’t left. Simon had spent everyday wishing and begging to himself for Willhelm to come back to him. He felt stupid every time he did it, but he did it anyway. All he wanted was a do over. A fresh slate to love each other how they both wanted and needed.

“Wille, all I’ve ever wanted is you. I want to spend every minute of every day with you.”

“So is that a yes, you’ll let me make it up to you?” A pink blush took over Willhelm’s face as he popped the question. 

Simon had let a couple of tears fall as he was thinking, but Willhelm’s obliviousness made him laugh. 

“Of course that’s a yes.” Willhelm smiled. A true, goofy smile spanning from ear to ear. “Thank god.” He mumbled, lounging straight into Simon’s arms. He’d thrown his arms around Simon’s neck, enveloping him into a hug. Simon instinctively did the same. 

“I love you Wille.” Simon said into the crook of his neck.

“I have always loved you and I always will. I would crawl to the end of the earth for you.”

“I know.”

[sidewayspeace444]

Sooo…..

I’m not sure how to word this and hopefully it’s not long, but I’ll begin by saying, Chris Evans’ fandom just needs to ignore EVERYTHING from his side, that includes his friends, family, the “wife” and her friends, etc.

I do believe there may be more than meets the eye with this mess behind the scenes, but I also recognize that as much as this entire “shitshow” as its now been deemed, seems phony and fake…. At this point, let’s just say it’s what it is. Chris is a married man and he married a woman that I don’t believe he truly knows, but that’s on him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

See, looking back at everything, even if this started as PR, which I’m partial to believe…..Chris still sat his ass on stage last week and said he…. Married a woman from Portugal. 😂

But, I remember his likes on IG years ago, he liked and followed some big booty fitness influencer and no, not that Sara chick. I think he and 🐟 might’ve had a PR thing that started professionally and then he liked whatever, but when it was time to “debut” this mess….. his dumbass never expected the backlash. If this has always been real or pr turned real or just pr, etc he never expected fans to deep dive into the problematic woman who keeps trolling his fandom? See, people stated her IG cleaned up of over 100 posts so he or someone knew enough. He is not permanently attached to racist scum.

Look Chris is a very privileged white male, like….DUH!

But look how he talks about project roles, so many deserving actors and actresses are out here scraping for decent roles and then there’s Chris….Mr. “I turn down lead roles”, “I only want to make one movie a year”, “I don’t understand my privilege so I take advantage of it”.

Chris has been in a Marvel/Disney protection bubble for over a decade. It prevented him from growing as an actor and person. He had people at the ready to clean his mess and wipe his ass. He’s no longer in that bubble and ironically you can go back and see how he’s been cascading down ever since. He started decent with Knives Out and Defending Jacob, but then the pandemic happened and he like many…. Lost their minds and sanity.

First it was Lily James PR mess and then I guess money was decent that he chose to do another stunt and it’s led to all of this. Chris wants to seem like he’s smarter than he comes off, but I do believe he’s the type to go…. You like Eckart Tolle?!…..omg me too, yep we’re destined to be together. Boston has a huge population from PT, and racist history so 🐟 should enjoy her time there. 🙄

Anyway Chris has ALWAYS had problematic individuals in his circle both personally and professionally, again….privileged white man who loves to act holier than thou. He did some basic ass tweets during trump era and people started stanning him because everyone hated trump and Chris was basically the conduit of their thoughts.

He pandered to black women, even reprimanded one during an interview, after again…pandering …pretending to flirt over her white boots, knowing he’s being recorded …..then got pissy with her…all because she used the word “brand”. But look at his “brand” now. 😒

This man left social media because he couldn’t withstand the pressure of people not kissing his ass and his choice in life partner. He keeps saying the internet is bad, no sweetie, the internet isn’t the problem it’s YOU!

Ugh, I’m done, mainly because I too wanted this to turn out to be 100% PR, he acted like he didn’t like her publicly only to put a ring on it, yet that could have been to have people wondering and staying engaged with this mess.

I think she’ll be his karma for however long they last.

There is 0.1% in me that would LOVE for this mess to be revealed as shitty PR, fake marriage and all, but I’m tired of trying to force feed things. Chris has a ring… fake or not, it would be stupid to acknowledge himself as married only to come back with….. I’m not married, still single.

So for those believing this is PR, I stand with you, but I’m tired of holding out hope that he was ever truly decent. Decent people don’t have multiple problematic friends and coworkers, Emily Blunt is a fat shamed too, her and Justin should get along very well. Decent people don’t take their career and fans for granted EVER!

This IS who Chris Evans is and it’s time everyone drops the projection and fantasy. If I’m wrong…… I’d like to see Chris himself prove me wrong, but that’s not going to happen…..is it?

This fandom use to be a source of fun and relief from personal shit, but now it’s aided in more gaslighting and emotional hurt about a guy I never knew.

You all have been so cool and I wish Chris turned out to be the man we all thought he actually was, but his own actions have proven, he’s not.

Everyone take care! ✌️

Let’s stop defending this man like we are getting paid. Let’s drag him! He wants to blame everyone but himself for his flop era

[doctorguilty]

Pda...

I feel like this is gonna sound dumb but I'm just emotional and that's how I am so whatever...... there's just something something can't stop thinking about

A couple days into my last visit with gloomy, I came out of the bathroom and made some silly comment about the bar of soap I washed my hands with, I think maybe it was something stupid like I washed chocolate off my hands after we shared a pastry, and I was like omg it was making the soap brown I had to wash it off I wouldn't want your sister to think there was poo all over the soap 🤣 and gloomy said like, "oh well that's there for you anyway" and I was like huh?? And they reiterated they had put that bar of soap put for me specifically. I'm the only one that uses it. They and their sister use the liquid soap pump.

And I was just like stunned for a moment cause here's the thing... that bar of soap was there when I FIRST visited their apartment. I didn't question it like plenty of people have multiple kinds of hand soap. So I'd been using that the whole time during that visit.. and when I came back it was there again so I mindlessly used it again.

It wasn't anything super fancy or anything, just a plain old bar of ivory soap. But gloomy bought that, and a cute soap dish to hold it in, to put it out for me.. even though I don't live there. So I asked why? Like, I can just use liquid soap I don't need my own soap ;w;" And they said, simply, "because I know you like to use bar soap"

Gloomy says things in such a matter-of-fact way that always gets into my head but I mean that in a good way. When I say and do things for others, I'm emotional, my tone often has a flourish, my instinct to be so external about the love behind my intentions. But there's something so.. different, in a way I'm drawn to, that with gloomy it just.. it's concise. It's a fact. It's not a grand emotion.. not the way I'd experience it.. buying something for someone, feeling excitement over it, I know what my emotions look like.

No.. when i picture gloomy just.. being at the store, seeing soap, putting it in the basket. Setting it out on the sink so it's waiting for me. Done. Its mundane. It's normal. And to me that's so warm like..... like it's all part of the reason gloomy feels like home anywhere I am

So anyway.. I told them I was so moved by that.. and yknow, I don't think I ever EXPLICITLY emphasized my bar soap preference, because again its not terribly important, it must have been something offhanded or maybe just a mental note that's what I had in the bathroom where I live, that I used

I know it probably doesn't seem all that deep.. but to me it really, really is. And they never outright told me, like NEEDING me to know!!!! They did it for me!! Which would be fine ofc, but again it's the mundane-ness (is that a word?) No, its not about their own emotional fulfillment at all.. it's enough to just make me comfortable, on purpose.

And that just... means the world to me.. because in my life, I desperately battle for (and often lose) my right to take up space, everywhere I go. I'm used to every little thing being in someone's way. Having it criticized. Being emotionally beaten down and shrinking just to keep my sanity.. for someone to feel I'm worth that... not the literal price of soap but the PRINCIPLE, the fact that something JUST FOR ME can just take up space in SOMEONE ELSES SPACE, they CHOSE to do on their own volition and not feel compelled to draw attention to it.. that is the most wonderful thing anyone can give me.. truly.. space. That's what it is. Space I don't have to battle for or earn. It's just there. I'm starting to tear up writing all this. That's how much it means to me .

I love them.. I love the way they are , so different from me in ways I admire, in ways that make me feel special because my brain is wired up differently where I wouldn't have the same exact thought process over the same exact intent

I was also told, anecdotally, when gloomy put the soap out, their sister criticized it like "that's pointless no one uses bar soap 🙄" and they said "some people do, seth does, its for him" and that's important to me to that without me even being there or knowing, they had no issue defending the space (literally physical space, AND the concept of it, why my arbitrary preference matters more than HER opinion) they wanted me to have.

I always end up beating myself up at the end of my yearning, because i still don't have the ability to keep out the thoughts that I don't deserved to be loved, how does my partner tolerate me, etc.. and that's how I'm feeling now.. how does someone so good love me? I just can't be worthy.. I've been taught time and time again i am no ones priority and the space I take up us a burden.

But nonetheless I am grateful for their love. I love them so much .. so much... every time I've washed my hands in the bathroom since then, I think of the soap at their apartment still there for me .. SO far away, yet space is still filled by me, whether the soap stays on the sink or gets put away in a drawer or whatever. It's there. Taking up space on purpose...

[wonviiii]

Neon Genesis Evangelion Part 2 - Blog #20

Wow, so first of all, I want to say that episode 26 is phenomenally written. I loved every second of that episode and it's mainly what I will be talking about because it’s such good food for thought! On another note, throughout the series, Shinji grapples with societal expectations of masculinity. From early on, Asuka is introduced and heavily contrasts with Shinji. She doesn’t hesitate and instead views piloting an EVA as a means to assert her strength, unlike Shinji, who is always looking for validation. He lacks confidence, apologizes too often, and does not fit the conventional image of a hero.  His momentary attempt to embrace the traditional masculine role that society set up for him by claiming that “fighting is a man’s job” leads to a psychological breakdown when he is trapped not only physically by the angel but also mentally within his mind. He starts hearing a voice, himself, scolding him and degrading him for running away for being afraid of being seen by others, of being hurt. He blames it on his father, yet deep down he is deceiving himself. People can’t pick out enjoyable lies to keep living. In addition, his rescue is secondary to the EVA unit itself, reinforcing how his worth is only tied to his ability to pilot, and even then, he is dispensable. By episode 24, Shinji’s agony and isolation have pretty much reached their peak. Shinji thinks of himself as unlovable; however, here comes Kaworu, a person who is everything Shinji wishes he could be and the only person who ever openly stated that they loved him. So, the death of Kaworu really pushes him over the edge. His self-hatred collapses, shattering him if you will. Especially Kaworu’s statement that “choosing to die is the only choice that no one can take away from you” haunts him because Kaworu, who is not even human, understood him more than anyone else, and yet he died, not Shinji.

Now episode 26 comes along, and it is the most unfiltered culmination of Shinji’s utter despair and almost a scream for help as he struggles with his identity. I love the echoing of words throughout the episode and how Shinji’s different voices are represented by other characters. Much like how he explained that everyone has a different self inside and how this self exists in others. He is scared to disappear, yet he feels as though it would also be fine if he did...because he is unwanted. He is afraid of failing, of being hated, of looking at himself. Yet he screams back, “Everyone is like that!” We’re all like that and that’s why we try to “merge, to make each other whole.” People can’t survive by themselves; they need to be part of a bigger group, but in the end, as individuals, we are utterly alone, which is what leads to constant suffering. Shinji does whatever he’s told, even though he hates it and himself because that’s how life, in turn, changes to be easier. So that he isn’t abandoned, alone. He believes that his only value comes from piloting the EVA because he has nothing else; he believes that everyone hates him because he also hates himself. But they praised him when he was a pilot. Was he happy? The screen flashed an “I’m happy,” and then shortly after an “I’m not happy.” Because the only thing Shinji has is the EVA. Yet, again, he doesn’t care because there’s nothing special about him anyway, as he says. The constant bickering between two drastically different opinions is what makes this episode so well-written, in my opinion. It shows two sides of the same coin. Shinji and all the different perceptions and perspectives of Shinji are combating one another to conclude. He is trying to find a reason, any reason, as to why he should hold on to the string of life, to his last piece of sanity left. And that’s when it happens, the idea that his reality is shaped by perception. There are different possibilities and different versions. My favorite quote is, “ Sunny days are cheerful. Rainy days are depressing. You start to assume that’s the case because others tell you so. But fun things can happen on a rainy day as well.”  Finally, he confidently announces himself for the first time in the whole show. He rejects every rigid expectation and frees himself as the cast congratulates him. He no longer conforms to the mold of masculinity or any other mold of similar gravity, and I think that was the whole point of the show which is so lovely :).

[irresistiibles]

was that lee jieun? Oh no no, that was just jang man wol, a canon character from hotel del luna. they are over one thousand three hundred years old, uses she/her, and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

around six months. she's pretty settled

what is your character’s job

she’s a business woman, a whole girlboss. she owns and runs a rather luxury hotel

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

sometime before episode 14 so she’s still holding onto her anger and resentment for chang-myung and hasn’t learned the full truth about the events in her life but she knows her tree is changing and she’s bound to move on or disappear soon

has any magic affected your character

nope!

any other info!

okay okay i’m not gonna go into too too much detail despite my desire to summarize the whole show, for the sake of my sanity and not giving too many spoilers

how close can you be to being a malevolent spirit without actually being one? man wol is here to walk that line. forgive and forget? absolutely not. we're here to resent and remember. she does not believe in being the bigger person!!

back home she runs the hotel del luna, which is a hotel for those who have died, to settle the last things in their life before they move on.

she’s been the owner of the hotel for a very very long time, in which she believes is a punishment for what she did in her living life, but is most likely just her stubborn resentment keeping her rooted there.

technically, she believes she cant’ physically harm humans or she’ll be destroyed, though she’ll realize that doesn’t apply here eventually

pretty strong even without hurting people anyway considering she’s basically unkillable, can see ghosts, kinda teleport, and cause hallucinations. i would not recommend starting shit with her

loves money and stuff and going out for meals. she’s bad at managing money and doesn’t care. she’s also just kinda obnoxious in general

she cares though and it’s plenty obvious if you’ve known her for more than like a minute she can wind up protective fast, and almost always winds up helping people even if she’ll complain about it to no end

since people can't leave washington obviously a hotel is not the most reasonable thing but that's her life that's what she does. here in washington she advertises it as more of a spa sort of experience. a vacation you can take right in the city you can't manage to escape. it's definitely an expensive experience but cates well to people have money and need a way to splurge and spend it

she's a bitch but she's probably toned down a little, excited to see somewhere new and feel a little less trapped and glued to her hotel (even if she still has a hotel here). i wouldn't say it's made her easier to deal with, but it has made her a little more social. she wants to take advantage of the situation and have some fun.

plots:

employees: anyone who works at her hotel. she needs the help. i may call her a girl boss but she's bad at it okay.

other work related connections: could be people who stay or have stayed at her hotel. maybe people who work in a similar line of business literally whatever.

shopping/foodie friends: she’s bad at making friends but man wol does like dragging people along for her interests so anyone who likes going to restaurants or shopping who she’ll bring along with her

drinking and/or gambling friends: same as above but for her more questionable enjoyments

enemy: doesn’t have to be anything serious but like i said she’s obnoxious so could be anyone she generally doesn’t get along with

any sort of supernatural friends: like i said this is a real old ghost so she tends to get along better with people who understand that somewhat. mostly she needs other oldies okay.

good influence: she can be nicer if there’s as someone genuine and kind around her

bad influence: someone who makes her worse? someone she makes worse? both just happening in a little circle? chaos besties is what i'm saying. that or it's some poor soul she's decided to annoy and drags out to whatever she's interested in. there's plenty of options.

dates? maybe a ship?: idk she is so hard to get along with even on a friendly manner and her interest/openness to more is so slim, but she would like to be wined and dined so we can definitely plan some casual dates and see how the vibe is. 

[stayxlix]

CHAPTER 4 LET’S GAURRR!

Ooh ‘the eighth’ sounds sexy Welcome back to season 3 ( or 2?) of Julian’s play-by-play commentary hehe🤭 Sorry in advance for how long this ask is gonna be.

“You will come across many soulmates in your current lifetime. But that doesn't mean you will get to keep them.” WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?😃Pls don’t raise my blood pressure from the get-go. Anyways concept photos ate as always. Bottom left one is my favourite. The minsung one is kinda unsettling tho… foreshadowing maybe👀

Btw Minho best not give me a hard time this chapter I literally do NOT have the capacity to deal with his beef rn. Idk why I think mc will win Jeongin over tho. But hey, we’ll see! I’m literally weak with excitement!! Oh and 15k + wordcount is crazy btw I’m so proud of you <3

“Out of all of the memories he had ever made, Felix had pushed most of them away. He buried them so deep that sometimes, he wondered if he would even be able to recall them if he tried.” *takes a long breath* that… hit home.

Wait so Chanlix are all the way from district 2?? Damn. This concerns me so much because the life they have now in district 6 must be lowkey paradise compared to what they probably had before. I’ve been wondering if the rebels have family. But we’ll see.

“…using Jeongin's homemade "thunder bombs" 퉤 퉤 퉤! 소리꾼! (TWE TWE TWE SORRIKUN)

“Not everyone had as much to offer as Minho, who was beyond skilled in his knowledge of healing.” Now I feel bad for going off on him in my reaction vid :((((( Also ngl Hyunjin's perception is impressive. The way he's already figured mc and lix out. Could never be me💀 I'm so blind when it comes to this kind of thing.

Hold on….“Remember what we all agreed on, before you get too attached.”

HOLD ON…. “The same thought that had been replaying over and over again in his head since he saw that damn family crest around your neck.”

I HOPE THEY’RE NOT PLANNING TO KILL ME HELP– I really hope they didn't make a pact to end me💀💀✋

“So what if he wanted to know how you looked with your lips wrapped around his *[dinky-donk]* instead.” I have so many inappropriate things to say…. (This was WILD)

“Felix wasn't like Jisung, who could charm his way into convincing whatever semi-interested human being he stumbled across in god knows where to fuck him.” You sure about that bro? Let’s not forget chapter 1😃

“Terrified for this moment to end because once it did, you would be forced to come to terms with the permanence of the decision you had made tonight, and what it meant for not only your future, but the future of every innocent person that you passed by, sleeping soundly without any idea that a war had just begun.” SO WELL WRITTEN! SAURRR WELL WRITTEN MWUAH

“and then, to your surprise, he left your side without a word.” UHM???? EXCUSE YOU???

“But that wasn't the only reason.” PURRR MC GO GET THAT *[retracted for the sake of modesty]*

“…and sometimes Jisung who just likes to be wherever Minho is.” You’re so real for this BAHAH💀💀

“He took a few steps closer, inviting himself into your personal space once again.” TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER RN BUT I’M SLOWLY LOSING MY SANITY

“Oh, I dont know. The fact that you can't seem to keep your tongue out of my mouth?” I LOVE MC WITH EVERY BONE IN MY BODY UGH JCKVJDNSL

“After all, every time you'd kissed, he had been the one to initiate it.” THAT’S THE THING!! TELL THE MF!

“Felix was the king of sending mixed signals and you had half a mind to call him out for it…” DO. IT.

“Felix brought his hands up to rest against the wall on either side of you, closing you in.” I don’t want to keep reading I cannot keep reading I’ll d!e if I keep reading I-

my sweet Jules🥹💕💕💕 can I first just say that your enthusiasm for this story is so much more appreciated than you will ever know. like words cannot even BEGIN to express how i felt when I saw your asks pop into my inbox yesterday, but i will do my very best. i’m finally sitting down for the evening to answer these (and have been looking forward to it for two whole days) so lets get started..(i'll make sure to comment as much as i can without revealing any spoilers🤭)

"I HOPE THEY’RE NOT PLANNING TO KILL ME HELP– I really hope they didn't make a pact to end me"

and already i'm reminding myself..NO SPOILERS

“...Hyunjin’s perceptive is impressive...”

especially when it comes to lix.🫢 and don’t feel too bad about going off on minho just yet….

“You sure about that bro? Let’s not forget chapter 1”

i’m💀 omg lix doesn’t see himself this way alright.😂😭 (however right you may be)

it means so much to me that you always take the time to mention the concept photos and i will never ever forget when you said that each chapter has a different color that you associate with it. that touched my heart more than you will ever know.🥹🤍 and the word count honestly at the rate I was going I was terrified it was going to be something like 18k lmao but thankfully we were able to condense a bit.😂

THE THUNDEROUS LYRICS.😂 ty for including this lmao i HAD to include a thunderous reference somewhere because it may or may not be my fav skz song of all time and I will fight anyone who tries to tell me it isn’t a masterpiece

"SO WELL WRITTEN! SAURRR WELL WRITTEN MWUAH"

(ily lmao) this was a last minute addition like an hour before i posted the chapter🤭 so the fact that you included it here made me giggle. and if i’m being honest our mc really has become very special to me too. i had absolutely no idea when i first started writing this story how attached i was going to become to her but i really have grown to hold a special place for her in my heart so once again thank you for this.💕💕💕

going to head on over to part 2 now....(mostly because i need to cut myself off or i will spend all night on this one ask alone because there is so much to unpack with your commentaries and you know i absolutely love you for that<33)

[losojos-decupido]

dorothea speaks to him so he knows she's okay. with that out of the way, fogado almost deflates---but between the two of them, dorothea is Not Okay, so it would be good of him to keep his own composure.

but then in a freak decision he deflates anyways. what's the point? she's seen him at his worst, sitting there in the dirt with a mirror pressed to his damn face. not only that, but she's not faring well herself. faking it would only put both of them in a worse mood, and between saving face and not ruining the already terrible atmosphere, fogado's partial to maintaining sanity. leaning back it's like his spirit leaves him, legs bent in a half-cross and arms just whatevered at his sides.

as dorothea leans on him, though, one of his hands moves to cradle the back of her head. he thinks of his sister, how she would tuck herself against him in her worst moments. there's very little that is different between those times and now---and fogado can deal just fine with all of them. he doesn't smooth her hair or pat her shoulder, merely keeping his touch on her so she knows he's here. it's all anyone would want after what they've been through.

when dorothea asks him about what he's heard, fogado taps the finger of his other hand against his chin. he was so frazzled that it's hard to really remember what all went down even ten minutes ago, but... " i think... i heard enough. " his answer is left intentionally vague---enough for dorothea to know, but open enough for her to make the conclusions that comfort her the most. " i don't think you wanna hear me say that stuff back, so i'll just stuff it. but i hope you know i'm not gonna tell anybody any of that. "

fogado gathers information. he evaluates the people he meets and stores their secrets away where he can peruse them later. maybe it becomes useful one day, or maybe it just serves as a way to get to know others. either way, everything has its value.

this, though---what the wind said, what the child in the mirror cried---isn't something he learns for later use. this isn't information he finds critical, or helpful, or funny. it's just business he has no part in. for a friend, all he can think of is how violating it has to be to be aired out like that.

" if it helps, " he starts after a moment's quiet, unsure if this is something he wants to say but saying it anyways, " the stuff i saw in my own mirror wasn't all that nice, either. and the reflections of myself---the ones we both saw---all, um. "

his throat grows a lump and fogado can't say anything else. his eyes burn. he takes a look outside to the rain, then sticks his head out of the shelter. he brings it back inside fully soaking wet, water dripping from his hair and rolling in fat drops all down his face. this should make it a little easier.

" i dunno if you saw, but there was one that... that was wearing a cloak. and he smiled weird. " why is he calling attention to this? he knows exactly why. " that's... well, it's a little hard to explain, ha ha, but, um, it's... " water slips into his eye and he rubs at it. " it's me but not, but, like... y'know. not kind. scary. i don't wanna be him, but... lookin' at that mirror made me realize how much he really does look like me.

" sorry, i'm not tryin' to make it about me or anything---but i figure that if neither of us are gonna say anything about this to anyone ever, it'd be more fair if i gave you a secret to hold on to, too. "

the sun won't rise for those like us

nov 2024 mission board

[snoozingredpanda]

On my hands and knees begging for more benni and willing reader, she deserves more love

She deserves all the love in the world. Heres some general headcannons for accepting y/n :)

—

Benni Winters — Relationship Headcannons (with an accepting s/o)

GN!Reader

18+ Please!

Warnings: Obsession, manipulation, violence, mentions of PTSD and depression, NSFW, consensual kidnapping, swearing

—

• Pretty much every morning you’re woken up by Benni kissing your face, shoulders, hands, any sort of body part she can get her hands on. It’s a nice feeling, she’s very gentle. She just can’t keep her hands off of you; you’re too beautiful not to kiss awake.

• She likes being in charge of sleeping positions — she will just grab you and roll over whether you like it or not. It often scares you by how unpredictable her movements are.

• Despite this, Benni doesn’t mind being big or little spoon. She loves holding you, no matter your size, but also loves being held by you. However, her favourite position to sleep in is the two of you facing each other, her face buried in your neck/chest with your legs all tangled up so she can be as close to you as possible.

• Benni is a goddess in the kitchen. She’s good at following instructions (wink wink) so all she needs is a recipe and she can make pretty much any meal for you.

• If you like a certain meal that she doesn’t particularly find tasty, she will cook it anyways and try to hide the fact she hates it. It never really works; you’re able to spot the little grimace she pulls whenever she smells things like carrots or banana.

• If you cook for her, she’ll eat it no matter what. Even if it’s burnt to a crisp, she’ll smile and say, “Looks delicious, love. Let—let me supervise you next time, hm?”

• It was when you baked her a stew did you find out she’s allergic to oregano. That was a fun night at the ER…

• Benni loves nothing more than to bathe with you. It’s nothing sexual, she just loves having you leaning back against her chest, the steaming water surrounding you both. She’ll wash your hair for you, whispering how much she loves you in your ear.

• “You’re such a pretty pet, aren’t you? Look at you, I’m so lucky to have you, baby.”

• If you’re insecure about your body, she’ll make it her mission to show you how fucking sexy you are, whatever shape or size. She’ll spend hours kissing all across your body, complimenting each and every inch of you. She can’t believe you don’t see what she sees, a divine, graceful beauty; she’s sure you’re an angel from heaven.

• “Look at you… such a pretty thing. I can’t believe you’re mine…”

• “Jesus, I must be dreamin’, hun. How do you love me?”

• The more accepting you are of Benni’s possessiveness, the less violent her thoughts are. The more you tell her you love her, that she’s the only one, the less likely she will be to freak out and commit a crime.

• Having friends is quite hard when dating Benni. She gets jealous easily, and when she’s jealous she gets clingy and depressed, and despite it clearly being a manipulation tactic, you can’t help but take her into your arms, kissing all over her teary face.

• “I’m sorry,” you’ll say. “I won’t hang out with them anymore, okay? I love you. Only you.”

• Those words are exactly the ones she wants to hear. She’ll perk up, nuzzling her face into your neck, spilling ‘thank yous’ repeatedly.

• She knows exactly how to manipulate you, not that you care. She’s a brilliant girlfriend, albeit a bit strange, so why on earth would you want to leave her? The fact she’s so obsessed with you, the fact she has a literal shrine of photos dedicated to you, made you feel so good about yourself. No other partner could ever compete.

• You talk to Benni a lot about her past, helping her through difficult periods. She’ll spend hours curled up with you, speaking about her feelings, which tend to turn into ramblings of how much she loves and needs you, how much her sanity depends on whether you stay with her and keep loving her like you do. Eventually she’ll start to come to terms with what happened all those years ago. She’ll get less and less nightmares, all thanks to you.

• You know how to keep her happy. I guess it’s a form of manipulation itself, knowing what to tell her when she’s down, or when she’s angry. It’s not like she’ll care, as long as you mean it, she’s the happiest girl in the world.

• It may get to the point where she’s so possessive that she can’t take it anymore. She hates forcing things onto you, but kidnap is the only choice.

• She takes you in the night, when you’re asleep. She’s drugged your dinner, so there was no chance of you screaming out for help.

• “Sorry, baby…”

• But when she takes you to your new home, a cute little cottage deep in the woods, she’s pleasantly surprised to see you’re okay with this.

• “Stay here? If you want me to, honey.”

• “W—wait, really?!”

• “Yeah. I told you I love you. I’ll do anything to keep you happy.”

• She’s on Cloud Nine at this point. You really were the perfect partner.

• Life isolated in the woods wasn’t much different. You didn’t have many friends anyways, all you were missing out on was family, but they weren’t the best so you didn’t care.

• Benni’s parents got into a mysterious car crash and so she inherited quite a lot of money, so she could get you anything and everything you wanted. You had a TV, games consoles, any pets you could ever want, books, plushies, anything. Benni wants you to be happy and comfortable, and if you’re bored, you’re not happy, are you?

• Whatever you want, she’ll get it.

• Despite being a literal multimillionaire now, Benni still has a job. She wants the role of ‘breadwinner’ and so she got a job at a photography firm. It’s got good hours, and the pay doesn’t really matter, plus it’s doing something she loves.

• Speaking of photography, it’s one of her favourite things to do with you. She’ll let you go outside in the area around the house, and she’ll take pictures of you having fun playing with your pets and gardening or whatever you wish to do. There’s a lake nearby, so she’ll snap photos of you swimming and splashing around on the sun.

• “There we go, sweetheart. Smile for me.”

• Click. Click. Click.

• It’s these little moments she loves most, seeing you happy and healthy. She never thought she’d be this content in her life, with no worries even from her past… she loves you so, so much.

!!!

NSFW Warnings: Bondage, toys, roleplay, praise, petnames, choking

• Benni sees sex as a very intimate thing. She wouldn’t ever just have a one night stand with someone, she was a virgin when she met you, and gave her virginity to you when you were ready to sleep with her.

• You wouldn’t have known she’s a virgin, for she’s amazing with her hands and tongue. Not matter if you have a cock or cunt, she has you squirming with a single touch.

• As I said, she likes following instructions. Tell her what you like. Tell her how you want it. She’ll follow your every command.

• If you have a cunt she’s more confident, since she has one herself. She knows how it works and what parts are the most sensitive, so doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all.

• If you have a cock, though, she’s less sure. She gets the gist of it, but is a little more hesitant, watching your expression as she pumps her hand up and down your dick, seeing which pace and pressure feels the best.

• “This good? Tell me if it hurts, okay, darlin’?”

• After a few sessions she gets the hang of it, but no matter what parts you have, she won’t let you touch her for a few months into your sexual relationship. She’s more focused on you, and doesn’t want to bother you with her own needs.

• And she’s kinda insecure about her body so

• But after a while, if you beg her enough, she’ll cave in.

• “Just… just be gentle, okay, love…”

• She’s a bit uncomfortable as you work your way through her clothes, but with some encouraging words she’s all yours.

• “Come on, honey,” you coo. “Spread your legs for me.”

• She’s blushing as she follows your instructions, and you’re delighted to see she’s dripping wet for you, such a beautiful sight.

• You can’t help but tease, and she seems to like it, toes curling as your breath fans her thighs. Isn’t she cute, like putty in your hands? It truly made your heart thud loud.

• “Just hurry up,” she pleads as you blow hot air on her clit.

• Who are you to deny your loving wife?

• She’s embarrassed as she cums quick. She can’t help it, you’re too good with your tongue. She’s whimpering and whining, clawing at your scalp as you repeatedly suck on her sensitive nub, even after orgasm.

• As she gets more comfortable, she may be ready to put two and two together. If you have a cunt, she becomes addicted to the way you grind yourself against her, your nails digging into her shoulders. You’re so dominant, so special. She’s infatuated with the sight of you on top, your eyes rolling back as your sloshy pussies collide again and again.

• If you have a cock, she’s fucking terrified. That? In her? Holy shit, and you’re big. But as soon as the pain goes away she can hardly talk. It’s too good, the feeling of your hips as they piston against her, balls slapping against her clit with every thrust. It’s too much, she’s biting into your neck, begging for more.

• “Oh god... Haah—baby, please!”

• As soon as the nerves start to fade, she wants to be back in charge. She’s riding you, grinding down on your cock or cunt, hand holding your neck in a chokehold (gently, of course), groaning your name as you moan for release.

• “Please, Ben, please!” You cry.

• “Go on, pretty slut. Cum for me, baby,” she breathlessly replies. “Show me how good of a pet you are.”

• You don’t hold back, and neither does she.

• No matter what’s in your pants, Benni wants to try having a dick of her own. She drills her fake cock into your hole, loving the way you moan into the pillows.

• The feeling of fucking you like this is enough to make her whine in pleasure, messing the sheets below her as you cum so hard around her cock.

• She likes to pair strap-ons with bondage, tying your hands either to the bedposts or behind your back. She just loves how you’re immobile, the only thing you can do is cry and cum.

• Benni doesn’t like names like Daddy. It’s too… uh… parental. Mommy too. She prefers to be called something like Master or even Sir. It depends on your preference too, but nothing is wrong with her name. She’ll always call you her slut, baby, doll, sweetheart, pet, any sort of loving name. She also has a soft spot for puppy, since you’re as cute as one.

• In terms of roleplay, she doesn’t mind it. If there’s something you want to try, she’s down, as long as it doesn’t include incest, non-con, age stuff, or zoophilia. She doesn’t mind if you want to wear animal-themed lingerie, but if you start barking she’s gonna be a bit weirded out.

• Out of all roleplays, she loves playing hero the most. You’ll be hiding in the bathroom because there’s an ‘intruder’ and Benni saves you and fucks you to make you feel better. It makes her feel big and strong despite there’s being no intruder whatsoever.

• Praise is her go-to thing. She finds it hard to degrade, I mean, it’s all lies really. She doesn’t see you as a sex toy. She doesn’t think you’re a dirty whore. She thinks you’re the prettiest slut in the world, the most perfect person to ever walk these lands.

• She’ll try, if that’s what you’re into. She’s good at dirty talk, just not in a degrading way.

• On the flip side, she loves being praised too. It makes her feel so good, and she could probably just cum alone with a few compliments.

• Degrading, however, is a huge turn off for Benni. If you degrade her she’d probably start to cry. She’s sensitive, okay? She thought you loved her, why are you being so mean?

• She’ll spend aged sulking if you were to just degrade her, especially if you didn’t warn her. Sex is supposed to be your special time, a time to love each other and make each other feel good. Not hurt her feelings…

• Just make sure to talk to her if you want to introduce a new kink. She’ll try anything with you, but not if it makes her feel bad.

• Overall, now that she’s got you away from the dangerous world, she’s so happy. She’ll be the perfect wife, she promises! Just don’t try to run, or she’ll have to drag you back and lock the doors…