#anyway. sorry theres probably a lot more straight people content on here than you might expect lol

[eliotquillon]

everyone following me bc of the house fake episode post i regret to inform you that im not normally that funny. And also i mostly post about cameron/chase above all else lol

[spitefulcrepechan]

Allow me to spend the next few minutes rambling about why yall are stupid for hating Ice Juggler Cookie just because they're "rude"

Also since idk Ice Juggler's gender I'll be using they/them pronouns for them.

So the major complaint ive seen people have against Ice Juggler is the fact that they're very passive-aggressive and rude towards people. Not rude as in like Devil Cookie rude but like Karen-level sort of rude

I can understand why, some people just don't like rude cookies, some prefer more mellow cookies like Herb Cookie or depressed cookies like Sea Fairy Cookie

My issue however is that people are unjustifiably hating Ice Juggler for being rude without seeing WHY they are so rude.

And I'm here to insert that knowledge into your skulls with 2 simple bullet points

1. Their job in the circus

Jobs aren't always fun, the very definition of a job isn't to be fun. While people can have fun or are content with their job, some people don't exactly like it for various reasons; Too stressful, bad work enviromemt, low pay, etc.

Some people could argue that working in a circus, specifically as a clown, would be a very fun job. Other's however could argue that its bloody hell. While I can't say this for anyone, I can see why that other side would say that.

Picture yourself as Ice Juggler, you're suppose to go around on stage, rolling a ball around beneath your feet while you juggly at ice cream scoops while people laugh at you. You're struggling to try and keep the ball rolling, keep yourself juggling, and make sure you don't crash into anyone or anything, coupled by having to jump from ball to ball. One slip up, and people will either laugh at you or boo in disappointment, and if you get the latter, your boss won't take kindly to that. But if you get the former, you're probably still gonna be a bit pissed because people are laughing at you getting seriously hurt. I know the intent of clowns are to be comically injured, but Ice Juggler isnt a cartoon, theyre a living breathing cookie who can get hurt. And while it may not be so bad the first time, having it happen to you over and over again could probably chip away at your sanity.

And before you ask "Well, Ice Juggler can just get a different job if they don't like it!" You're still just be assuming shit simply by force glance. The circus could probably give them decent pay and they seem to be capable of doing their job right, so they may WANT to leave their job but they may NEED to keep it, either because Ice Juggling's the only good thing they're good at (duh its in the name) or because theyre need to money.

2. How they're treated at their work place

Even if they do passionately love juggling and rolling on balls, the way their boss, Choco Cup Cookie, treats them is just atrocious

(Credit to Royal Mike on youtube for the screenshots)

An example being how Choco Cup Cookie tells Ice Juggler Cookie to shut up after judging an audition of someone, later saying "someone might hear you"

Publicity is one thing but the welfare and the freedom of your employee's speech is another, and this is clear evidence that Choco Cup neither cares or is ignorant about how Ice Juggler feels about shit.

Now some people may assume that Ice Juggler is being way too mean about the cookie's audition, but we dont exactly see what the cookie's audition was. It could have been atrocious, it could have been brilliant, we're never told this. We just know that Ice Juggler found it awful and Choco Cup found it "not so bad", which may hint at it actually being as awful as Ice Juggler implies but for now, again, its just speculation.

The point here is that Choco Cup isn't allowing Ice Juggler to voice their opinion/criticism, especially when theyre doing a task THAT GIVES THEM THAT OPTION. The cookie auditioning asked to be judged by Ice Juggler and Choco Cup, and Ice Juggler gave them their judgement, to which Choco Cup tried to shut them up for.

Aaand to make matters worse, Choco Cup's literally telling Ice Juggler that they're not allowed to express their emotions, which Choco Cup's clearly aware of, since it'll damage the circus' reputation.

Dunno about that but clearly that is a sign of some major fucking mental manipulation.

If you have to say that one's emotions will ruin your company, then honey, your company is already running straight towards hell

Especially when you have to physically shut them up. (For context for those who weren't around during this event (like me), its Banana Cookie's turn to audition and its implied that Choco Cup covered Ice Juggler's mouth giving the *URMPH*)

And before you assume that Ice Juggler is being a douche solely for being a douche

Bitch

Literally saying that Banana Cookie's performance wasn't all that bad. Wasn't great, but wasn't horrid either.

EVEN BANANA HERSELF SEEMS AWARE ABOUT ICE JUGGLER'S CRITICALNESS AND WANTS SOME OF THEIR CRITICISM

AND WHAT DID GUD OLD CHOCO CUP COOKIE DO?

Put words in their fucking mouth

Am i making my point clear?

Can you see why ice juggler is so pissed? Because their boss is literally prevent them from being anything more than an ICE JUGGLER

Literally go to hell choco cup

Sorry that this one was alot longer than part 1 but i felt like i had to expand a bit more on this cuz theres a lot to unpack here. Theres some more atrocities Choco Cupfuck has done but this is prob enough to show a good reason why Ice Juggler is rude af

Anyway i hope yall like this post and while youre valid for disliking Ice Juggler, i hope you at least understand why they have one of the reasons you potentially dislike them for. Feel free to add your optinions or anything i missed, reblog, whatever

[uh-drarry]

Can i ask what the difference between ace and aro is? If not thats totally fine! I was just curious, have a lovely day ♥️

Of course!! I hope you are having a lovely day as well, nonnie. Thanks for the ask! I’m not an expert but I have done a lot of research since realizing I was both ace and aro but I only recently realized this within the last six months so I’m going to give kind of broad terms and they both definitely have more definitive terms depending on the person using them. Ace is short for Asexual. Aro is short for Aromantic. (As I type this Aromantic is showing as a spelling error, and if that doesn’t tell you anything about how underrepresented that community is idk what will). This got a bit long, so I am putting it all under the cut.

Asexual people feel little to no sexual attraction. The opposite of this is Allosexual, meaning you do feel sexual attraction. Asexual is an umbrella term and there’s many micro labels under it as well. This doesn’t mean aces don’t have a libido though. Some people have high or low libidos and are still Ace because it’s about sexual attraction. Asexual people sometimes define themselves as one of the following, sex favorable (does enjoy sex, but possibly won’t initiate it themselves, or they could live without it but are happy to partake as far as I understand), sex positive (this can mean the previous, or, like me, they encourage others to have sex if they want it, and believe safe sex should be taught, etc.), sex neutral (they might enjoy sex, but eh, that’s cool if they never do it again, or ever), and sex repulsed (might get nauseous at the thought of it, never wants to partake, depending who they are they might not want to see it, hear it, watch it, etc even within media, nothing). Back to feeling or not feeling sexual attraction, for example, I have never once looked at, say Chris Hemsworth or Zendaya, and thought “Yeah, they turn me on, I’d have sex with them.” (Honestly the fact that I really had to think to come up with names there, which I think it very telling, I’m laughing at myself). *oversharing probably but trying to help people understand, sorry* Despite the my lack of sexual attraction to anyone, I do feel things, for example, when I read smut or something similar. Ace people might get themselves off, have sex, or never do anything of the sort down there. That kind of thing is about feeling good, you don’t have to think your partner or whatever is sexy in order to do that. If anyone wants to do their own research, AVEN.com (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) is probably a good starting point, or I can rec some blogs here.

Aromantic people feel little to no romantic attraction. Very different from feeling sexual attraction, yes? Basically, take all of what I wrote about being Ace and exchange sex with romance and that’s an aromantic person. I will explain anyway. Just like allosexual, alloromantic people are people who do feel romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is when you want to do romantic coded things with people. Of course romance is a bit harder to define than sex, so it can mean a lot of things to different people. Kissing can be seen as romantic to one person, and another aro person could really enjoy kissing others for example. Personally, I get pretty uncomfortable in romantic situations regarding myself and someone else, which I would probably define as being Romance Repulsed. After learning what this term meant and reading some about it, I really thought of my experiences. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a crush on anyone, relationships (the brief two that I’ve had) really just felt like friendships. I didn’t initiate anything besides maybe handholding because I didn’t know what to do, or I didn’t even realize that was a thing that most people in that situation would be doing at that point in a relationship. I felt very uncomfortable when a ex tried to take a kiss further than a peck, among other things. Again, being Aromantic doesn’t mean aro people automatically will never have or want romantic relationships. They just don’t feel those feels for people usually. Like AVEN for asexuals, there’s Arocalypse.com for aro people. I have less blogs to rec here, but I can rec some if someone wants it.

There are good examples of different types of attraction, I personally feel platonic attraction which would be the desire to be someone’s friend, as well as aesthetic attraction which is defined below.

People can be one, or both, or neither. I am both, AroAce. People in these communities often use the Split Attraction Model (SAM). Which would be like someone stating that they are Asexual Homoromantic, or Aromantic Heterosexual, or Aromantic Pansexual, among many other combos.

Because I do feel aesthetic attraction, pretty much solely towards women, I define myself as an Oriented AroAce, or Lesbian AroAce. If I ever did end up in a relationship with someone, I can only ever imagine it to be with a woman. Again though, that’s just one microlable among so many that are out there.

This is a huge list of identities and labels, it overwhelms be tbh, but I’m linking it here anyway because it’s very informative.

I assume this ask was in response my reblog here. Yes I get very annoyed when people treat these two orientations as the same thing, despite me identifying as both. As I hope you can now see, they are very different things. A lot of the time, I enjoy reading about romance and sometimes sexual relationships, but sometimes I want to read other peoples thoughts, fics, posts, etc about only one of these and the Aro/Aromanticism tag is flooded with posts about asexuality which really doesn’t help people who are trying to learn about aromanticism or wanting specific content.

One more point before I wrap this up. I read a book because I wanted to see if it’d help me know for sure if I was demisexual (definition can be found in the huge list I linked two paragraphs up, or on google), and it actually made me realize I was aroace and I am forever grateful for it so I will rec it here. It’s called Loveless by @aliceoseman and it has quickly become my favorite book. So if anyone wants to read about a fictional character realizing they’re aroace, this is a fantastic book. I related so much to Georgia, it’s crazy. Also her other works are fantastic.

Remember you are not alone! Experts believe that 1% of the population is ace (and I think it’s the same for aro people) and that might sound like no one but, guys, theres 7.8 billion people on this planet. That means theres 78 million people like us! I ended up finding a lot of ace people to follow on twitter as well by the way.

This might be a hot take to some but the A in LGBTQIA+ does not mean ally! It’s for Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender! And we do belong in the queer community because the queer community is for people who aren’t straight, cis, or amatonormative. Wow, I hope this all makes sense, if any of you are confused or have more thoughts, or I messed something up, UNLESS YOU’RE BEING APHOBIC, add your thoughts, or message me!

Side note: Do please send me recs of people to follow, books, fics, shows, whatever, I am always searching for new content within these orientations!

[void-official]

“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either  I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’.  Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

[harelan]

Can we have the fluff and angst asks with Matilda and Solas 😔...

oh FUCK yeah babey!! thank u griff 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

1. What are things they both find funny?

they’re often dry and snarky with other people, which amuse each other. alone together they usually do stupid deadpan humor. solas seems very serious but really his sense of humor is just niche and very subtle unless you know exactly how to get at it, which matilda does. 

2. If they could each describe each other in one sentence, what would it be?

answered here

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

answered here

4. What would be their ship name?

listen there’s just not a good combination of matilda/tannen and solas. solen? tanas? TAN ASS? “ma ghilana vhenan” fits them well as a descriptive/poetic phrase. 

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

i cannot stress enough that they’re basically inseparable from the attack on haven until the temple of mythal, however long that is. they do everything together. solas is an absolutely horrendous cook but he helps as best he can, they eat all their meals together. they spend hours in bed reading separate books together. they go on walks or rides together. when he’s painting, she’ll sit on the sofa and crochet to keep him company. they explore the fade together literally every night. 

6. What is/are their love language(s)?

they have quality time. unique to solas is words of affirmation, unique to matilda is acts of service. 

7. Write a ~300 word love scene for them. 

how great his responsibilities, how short his time, and how he could not help himself.

it was early, early morning, mist curling off distant fields as the rising grey sun burned it away, in a silent, secluded garden off a little stone manor house, all but drowning in ambling wisteria vines, such that the rough bricks beneath them were hardly visible.

a lack of courage in facing the front door had brought him there. the garden, half in shade and all in bloom, was almost enough, so steeped was it in her. he could almost breathe in the smell of every herb she ever cooked with as it grew here, and know that matilda’s tender hands planted them, and he could love her and go without ever troubling her.

almost enough. he fingered one of the petals as if he'd never touched a flower before.

he had been content to receive occasional news of her, content to linger, mostly unnoticed, in her dreams. content to shoulder the burden of longing heartache and imagine that it granted her freedom.

as his hand dropped from the flower, as though he had summoned her with the motion, the white-painted door that led into the house from the garden opened. were this the fade, this was the moment he would have vanished. but it was not. he was stuck, stiff, in this solid, sluggish earth, bare feet sinking into the soil. he could not flee, and so he gaped.

matilda was half-way to putting up her hair, red waves gathered but not secure, and she was every bit as beautiful as he remembered. more beautiful than he remembered: how could simple, fallible memory ever do her jusice?

she froze, too, and gaped, one foot on the neat clay tiles just inside the threshold and one on the rain-wet dirt, and she searched his face with a sequence of silent whats and whys and hows that came in shadows across her face. and then her face crumpled, and he only had time to see her eyes water before she threw her arms around his shoulders, and buried her face in the crook of his neck, and they were pulled by their collective weakness to their knees in the dirt.

8. What were their first impressions of each other?

ok so. matilda is waylayed on her way to the conclave with her retinue, she and a handful of other mages get cornered in a keep in the hinterlands and lysas asks the inquisition to go find her bc fiona might listen to her. that’s the setup. 

anyway solas already knows who she is before they officially meet and he respects her marginally as an influential player in the mage rebellion. he also immediately respects her magical ability because when they fight their way through the templars to reach her, she springs a trap on them and could definitely have killed them if she wanted to. 

matilda doesnt kill them mostly because of solas. he’s the mage in the party and she’s willing to believe him if he says they’re not with the templars. so she immediately trusts him more than she’d trust most people. 

9. Have they made each other cry?

OH BOY HAVE THEY. 

she cries during crestwood like straight up in front of him. he waits to cry until later. uhhh they’re both prone to bouts of Angst about one another between the breakup and trespasser, which sometimes end in crying. matilda cries during trespasser mostly because she’s afraid of him, and that just tears him up inside. listen they cry a Lot that’s what solavellan is FOR

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them. 

im so sorry i literally cant write arguments i’m not argumentative enough to relate

11. What causes them to fight?

not a lot? they both have very few things that they care strongly enough about to fight about, especially solas, and the things they DO feel strongly about, they agree on. 

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

a little. obviously matilda is more attached to this world and more eager to identify herself with it. but like lmao in general “stop enslaving/imprisoning people, stop treating people like second class citizens” they agree on. the underlying philosophy of the inherent freedom owed to all sentient beings, they agree on. 

though theres the big difference where he wants to end the world and she doesn’t but, yknow. 

13. Name something they would never do for the other person. 

there’s not a lot, man. i mean, with sufficient reason they’d do literally anything for each other, except i think kill one another, which, in case da4 doesnt happen or is bad, matilda fucking GAMBLES on during the Final Confrontation. 

like i’d say matilda wouldn’t kill for him, but she would, if he persuaded her it needed to happen for some necessary reason. yknow? this is a cop out answer. 

matilda wouldn’t kill an innocent for him. solas... listen i don’t know what he wouldn’t do. 

14. What would be a dealbreaker?

again, no dice. home boy straight up came out and said he’s a godlike being hellbent on ending the world and she’s still like heart eyes at him. i don’t know that there’s anything matilda would do that would make solas stop loving her. like there are things she could do, but nothing realistic. she’s not gonna start torturing and enslaving people.

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

now this is a good question. 

solas is too secretive. he refuses to take moral stances on things and will turn around and lecture her about seeing things in black and white when she does. he’s too often unsympathetic, unemotional. and he’s hypocritical. 

matilda is modest to an at-times modest degree. he always expected that -- that she would insist on playing second fiddle to everyone in her life. she lets anger cloud her judgement on too many things, damn the consequences. 

16. If they broke up, what would be their opinions of each other?

for the purposes of this question, since they’re still in love and want to be together, i’m not considering them really broken up. mutual “this isn’t working, we should end this” though -- they’d probably still be friends, honestly. they’re in love because they respect and trust one another and just because they decide to break things off doesn’t mean they stop clicking. 

although, given the other real life dudes like solas i know, he’d probably be the kind of guy to cut all contact with exes. matilda definitely tries to be friends with her exes. 

[spidyboyholland]

The Boy Next Door-Tom Holland (chapter 4-the first day)

CHAPTER 1/CHAPTER 2/CHAPTER 3/CHAPTER 4/CHAPTER 5/CHAPTER 6/CHAPTER 7

pairing: tom holland x female reader 

summary: itʻs your first day starting at a new school, luckily you have tom holland to help you navigate. 

warnings: swearing and maybe some sexual content 

Today was the day. The first day back to school since everything happened. A new school meant new classes, new teachers, new friends, etc. You were extremely nervous, the night before you had stayed up late stressing about what to wear. Luckily Tom had texted you last night, reassuring you that you had him today, and he would help you get around. That made you feel extremely better. Haz also texted you making sure you were ready. Both Haz and Tom were extremely sweet boys, though yesterday there seemed to be some weird tension between them while getting coffee.

You put on your mom jeans, white crop top, and over sized flannel, paired with some white converse and a dainty gold necklace. You decided to leave your hair down because you didnʻt want to seem like you were trying to hard. You pack your backpack with the basic class essentials along with some earbuds, phone charger, chapstick, and some other stuff you thought you might need later on in the day. 

Taking one last look in the mirror, you start heading downstairs. Your Mom wasnʻt cooking breakfast for you in the kitchen like she had been the previous days, she had work today. You poured some cereal out and ate it quickly, you had to walk to school so you needed more time. Grabbing your backpack you head out the door.

The weather was sort of cold and over cast again today but luckily it wasnʻt raining so the walk to school was rather pleasant. One benefit of moving out of the city was there was much less noise everywhere, everything was much quieter in North Ridge. The walk to school was pretty short, shorter than you expected, which was good because now you had more time to find your locker and classes before school started. Being late on the first day would be horrible. 

You walk up to the really nice big brick building, following the lead of some other students. The halls were busy and crowded with teens hanging out before class. You check the note you left on your phone, “locker #44″. You look around to check the number on the lockers and see that you needed to walk farther down the hall to reach #44. 

You can feel the stares of everyone in the hallway. It was obvious you were the new girl. You might of been able to get away with it in the city, being able to blend in, but there is way less people here, so people notice when theres a new girl in town. 

You finally reach locker #44 and attempt to open it. These damn lockers. You thought to yourself as you struggled to get it open. You heard a loud slam against the lockers only three feet away from you. Looking up you notice a tall good looking black haired boy in a blue and yellow varsity jacket. 

“Hey.” He said smiling with his extremely white and straight teeth

You looked over his shoulder and noticed he was with an entourage of boys, most of them wearing the same varsity jacket as him. 

“Uh hey” You sort of ignored his presence as you continued to attempt to open your locker. 

“Need some help?” He offered putting his hand out near your lock

You shrugged and chuckled a bit, I probably look like a fucking idiot. 

“Yes please” you respond while handing him your phone with the combo on the screen and taking a step back allowing him to help you open it

Looking up, you notice his piercing blue eyes. 

“Im Noah by the way. I saw you at Tomʻs party. Y/n right? ” He said as you heard a slight click and then the locker swung open

“Yea, and thank you so much. Speaking of Tom, have you seem him at all this morning by the way?” You ask as you started putting your books away into the locker

“I saw him outside with Laila, but hey, if you need anymore help just let me know. “ He said smiling and then walked away with all his friends behind him

You sigh as you continue putting all your books away. Tom was with Laila, again. 

You get startled by another person slamming there hand into the locker right next to you. 

“What the actual fu-” you look up noticing that its Harrison 

“So I noticed you met Noah and his boys.” 

“Why does everyone at this school have a thing with slamming their hands into the lockers “ you say laughing and closing you locker

“What did Noah say?!” Haz asked urgently as if Noah had just attacked you or something

“Nothing Haz! He was actually really nice, he helped me open my locker and stuff”

“Donʻt be fooled by his good looks y/n. Tom hangs out with Noah and those guys all the time. They are all douches y/n. If any of them bother you tell me and I will personally fuck them up. “ 

“Does that include Tom?” You ask 

“Why?! What did he do?!” He asks taking a step forward looking down at you

“Nothing! I was just asking...” 

“Oh... okay. Well I love Tom but he turns into a dick around them. I keep my space from Tom while at school. “ You notice Haz scanning the halls for Tom keeping a lower voice incase Tom were to show up 

“I thought you guys were best friends though?” 

“We are. Just not at school. Different story at school. And donʻt ask why, thats just how it is here.” 

“Okay. Where is he anyways? Noah said he was outside with Laila...” You trail off the sentence looking at down at your feet

“I donʻt know. Might be.” He changes the subject quickly “Wheres your first class?” 

“Uh...” you take a look at your phone for your schedule, “I have physics first, you?” 

“Fuck, I have calc, here follow me I can walk you to physics. “ You smile as you follow Haz through the halls. It feels good to have a friend here, it would be miserable knowing no one. You couldnʻt help think of Tom though, he texted you last night promising to be here for you today, and yet he is no where to be found. 

Following Haz down a different hallway on the left, he guides you to a typical physics class room. 

“Here you are, and two minutes early too. I donʻt think I will have time to walk you to your next class but it is probably in this same area. Just ask someone, if you get lost.” 

“Thanks Haz, see you later?” You ask as you start to open the door

“Definitely.” He said as he smiled then turned around heading out into the hall

You walk into the class room, noticing a bunch of people already in the class, everyone looking at you. You walk up to the teachers desk to introduce yourself

“Hey! I am y/n. I just transferred here.” The teacher is middle aged woman, she looked pretty nice

“Ah yes, y/n! My name is Ms.White. Feel free to take a seat anywhere. It is the start of the quarter so everyone will be getting new lab partners. “

“Got it, thank you!” You say as you find a seat in the very back 

Everyone else comes in the class, sitting with each other, catching up on their weekends. Lots of people stare at you but no one really talks to you or sits next to you.

“Alright class, time to start. Take your materials out, and ge-” 

As you are taking your notebook and pen out of your backpack you hear the teacher interrupted by someone walking in loudly

“TOM” you hear the teacher yell

This causes you to jolt your face up and see Tom standing in the front of the class

“You are three minutes late. This is the first day of the new quarter Holland and you are already late. “

“Sorry Ms. White. Wonʻt happen again.” He notices you and smiles a bit

“Go take a seat at the back. You can be partners with y/n” The teacher directs him to the back of the class as you see him celebrate a little 

“Hey stranger” he whispers as he takes a seat next to you

“Hey” you say looking down 

The class goes by pretty slowly. You are extremely surprised by the amount Tom knows. You sort of pictured him as a dumb jock who has killed his last brain cell with the amount of partying he does, but he managed to answer all the questions extremely fast and correctly as well. 

After class was over you started packing up you stuff back into your backpack 

“So, hows your first day going love?” He asks while waiting for you

Did he really just call me love? Is he seriously pretending like he didnʻt ditch me this morning? 

“Its going fine. “ You say as you sling you backpack over your shoulder and walk past him

“Woah woah wait up y/n!” He yells as he jogs up to you “Where do you think youʻre going?” He laughs 

“Calculus.” You say back coldly

“Whoa y/n.” He stops you and pulls you into a much less crowded hallway “Whatʻs going on? Are you mad at me or something?” He quietly asks while trying to grab your hand

You shake his hand off yours and look up to him

“Where were you this morning? Because I met Noah, and he said you were outside talking to Laila.” 

You see the look in his eyes change as soon as you mention Noah. He looks mad and sad and frustrated all at the same time. 

Shaking his head he says “Wait what? You met Noah?! What did he say? Did he do anything to you?!” Tom asks 

“The fuck Tom? No he didnʻt actually, he helped me open my locker and told me where you were since I couldnʻt find you at all this morning. “

Tom looks down at his feet, “Y/n im sorry. This morning with Laila was nothing. She was just trying to talk to me as usual and shit but it was nothing. And please donʻt listen to anything Noah says. He isnʻt really a good guy.” 

“Says you.” You snap back

“Y/n I swear, Im sorry I wasnʻt here this morning but Im here now. “He says as he wraps his arms around you 

You want to squirm out of his arms or push him away but you donʻt. You just wrap your arms around him and enjoy the moment. He smells really fucking good. 

He unwraps his arms from you but continues to hold your hand. 

“We good?” He asks with puppy dog eyes 

“Yea yea I guess” You say shrugging 

“Okay good! Whereʻs your next class?”

You spend the rest of the day with Tom, you have pretty much all the same classes except you have digital journalism as an elective in the afternoon and he has football. 

You notice Haz multiple times more that day, smiling and saying hey. 

At the every end of the day you were waiting outside of the school because Haz told you to wait up for him. You notice Noah and all his boys walking out of the school, this time with Tom next to him as well. 

“Hey y/n” Noah says as he puts his arm around you

You struggle to get his arm away from you pretending to laugh a bit 

“Hey Noah...” You say as you glance over at Tom. He looks at you but doensʻt say anything

“How was your first day?” He asks while leaning against the railing

“I donʻt know it was good I guess...” You answer while trying to look at Tom to see if he was going to say anything 

“I saw you and Thomas hanging out all day? You guys fuck or something at his party?” He asks in a sort of mean tone

You see Tomʻs face shoot up when he asks that. Tom pretends to laugh it off but you can feel tension 

“What the fuck no... we literally just met on Friday.” you snap back at Noah while taking a step back

“Damn thats longer than he usually takes to fuck. Right Thomas?” Noah asks Tom while looking back at him 

“Shut the fuck up dude...” Tom says 

“In fact, shouldn;t you be with Laila right now?” Noah teases while the rest of the guys laugh 

“Ha ha very funny dicks. Now if youʻll excuse us, me and y/n have to get going.” Tom says as he grabs your hand pulling you to the parking lot 

You can hear the boys behind you yelling stuff like “wear protection!” and “be gentle on her!”. It makes you so mad. Mad at them, but more mad at Tom for not saying anything. 

Tom opens the passenger car door side for you and you hop in. He starts the car and you guys drive off in silence. 

“Y/n Im sorr-” He starts but you interrupt him

“What the fuck Tom? What the fuck was that? “ You yell at him

“Y/n Im sorry! Thats just how they are,  I told you they are dicks.” 

“Then why are you friends with them?” You snap

“Im not really. They are the football guys though so I have to see them a lot. Haz is my actual friend. I just donʻt have lots of time to hang out with him at school, plus if Noah and the boys saw me with Haz they would tear him apart.” 

You just sit in silence till you get all the all the way home. You guys are just sitting in his car in the driveway.

“Y/n I didnʻt know they would be such dicks today, Its because youʻre new, and really beautiful, they donʻt know how to get your attention any other way”

“Tom you should of said something instead of just taking that shit.”

“I know... Im sorry. Next time I wonʻt let that happen, and please ignore all the shit they said about Laila and stuff. I did all that stuff back then. Thatʻs not me anymore I swear. “ He says while getting out of the car and opening your car door for you

“Tom I donʻt give a shit about what you did in the past. I care about what you do now.” 

“Okay good, in that case...” he trails off the sentence and looks down at your lips

holy fuck. 

He puts his hand on your face and leans in slowly. Your lips connect in a light but passionate kiss. Your lips move in perfect sync. His stays on your face but he moves his other hand around your waist. You feel his body push you into the car, as he continues to kiss you. The kiss lasts for multiple more seconds before you pull away. 

“Am I forgiven?” He asks somewhat out of breath, his face still very close to yours

“I guess.” You says smiling. He leans in for another kiss, this time it is more like a long peck, before he backs up. 

“Can I drive you to school tomorrow?” He asks with his hands around your waist 

“Sure.” 

“See you tomorrow love.” He says before leaving one last soft peck on your lips. 

You smile as you skip happily back into your house

“Im home mom!” You yell to her in the kitchen with a very sing songy tone

“Hey honey! Did Tom drop you off?” She asks 

“Yep!” You say, still smiling, making your way upstairs. 

You close your door and lay down on your bed, smiling, thinking about Toms soft pink lips that tasted slightly of coffee. 

You hear a ding from your phone. Hoping its Tom you rush to check it. Only to see a text from Harrison. 

“Thanks for waiting up for me then going home with Tom.” 

Shit. 

authors note: heyyyyy so this is another kind of long chapter, also there will probably be some spelling errors and stuff in it for a bit until I look back through it to fix it. Let me know if you guys liked this, if you guys want to be tagged in it, and if you have any suggestions for future chapters! Thanks!

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..