#anyway. my lack of creative ability makes me feel really left out of fan spaces

[natjennie]

truly makes me feel awful that my only real means of contribution to fandom is what can only loosely be called analysis, because it's usually just shit that everyone already knows and no one cares about or there's a dozen people who have articulated it better than I could dream of. like fic writers and artists and gif makers are doing actual admirable work, making true pieces of art for people to fawn over forever and I'm out here dribbling out 100 barely comprehensible words of what is basically just a summary of the show that you already watched. and nobody gives a shit. because why would they.

[lovelivingmydreams]

Wrong door

I watched the latest Sanders Sides video and I have feelings that I need to write about. So here a little one shot.

OBVIOUSLY SPOILER WARNING FOR SANDERS SIDES

Summary: When Roman leaves he doesn’t go to his room straight away. Maybe his turbulent mind sought this place out to fit his mood. Maybe deep down he knew that there was only one person who could help him understand what he did wrong.

The conversation leads to discussions and remenicing of their past, why the King ever split, why Virgil left to the ‘dark side’ to begin with and the reason Virgil doesn’t trust Deciet despite living with him and the others for years.

After Roman sunk out he appeared in a much darker environment than he expected. His room was always bright and colorful, packed with Disney memorabilia, red drapes and stage lighting. The gloomy atmosphere he was faced with now made his already fragile self-esteem crumble even more. Was this because deceit... Janice, was right about him? Was he really not the hero? But Paton always said... ‘The brave, handsome, unbeatable Roman,’ But then again... ‘I don’t always know the answer,’ He felt his chest tighten. It was harder to breathe. No. He... He isn’t bad. He only ever wanted to help Thomas. He was trying to do the right thing... But so was Patton. And De... Janice, of all people had been protecting Thomas from him when he lost it... “Ro? What happened?” Roman’s head snapped up. Virgil what... Then he realized where he was. The Tim Burton poster behind him, he cobwebs the dark atmosphere. This was Virgil’s room... He came here instead of his own... Why? “Is Thomas mad at me?” the younger side asked nervously. “I could tell he felt really stressed just now, I tried to leave him be after the whole wedding... I’m sorry, I know I panicked when Mary Lee and Lee came over, but...” Roman raised his hands to calm Virgil down. Today had been terrible for everyone. But their purple patched cautious guardian was probably the only one who would’ve had an equally horrible time no matter what they had done today. The callback would’ve been hell because so much was riding on it. The wedding was horrible because, well… mandatory social interaction, and Virgil had been particularly terrified of saying the wrong thing to their friends. What if they realize we aren’t having a good time? What if they think we look dumb in this suit? What if they realize it’s a rental and think we don’t care? Virgil took a few deep breaths and nodded. “I’m really sorry. I know how important today was to you, and I made us blow it,” he sighed. Roman shook his head. “No one is mad at you Virgil. That’s not what Patton and I were talking about... I wish you’d joined though,” he sighed, raking his hand through his hair. His nervous energy intensifying with every minute. But was that because of the room or because of his own thoughts? Probably both. “...Ro. Maybe we should head to your room instead?” Virgil offered gently. It wasn’t quite like him to sound so sincerely worried. They usually communicated their affection to one another through sarcasm and mild jabs. But ever since Remus made an appearance Virgil hadn’t been his usual self in general. He’d been more withdrawn, more careful with what he said. Not less active in his contributions, but Roman had seen his angsty friend less around the mindscape almost like when he wasn’t part of the group. As their friendship grew, they’d taken to having Disney nights in his room where they’d discuss the movies and Virgil even tolerated Roman singing along to the songs at full volume. But recently... He probably should have popped in here before now instead of ‘giving him space’. Was that even really what he’d been doing? Or was he just too much of a coward to face him and possibly have to own up for his past mistakes? He really was a  terrible friend. So egotistical. Why couldn’t he ever consider other’s feelings? He’d tried today, really had tried not to hurt Patton’s feelings while discussing doing the right thing. Tried not to push. Tried to really listen to what he had to say so he wouldn’t make any more mistakes. He’d been ready to swallow his pride and take a step back when it seemed like Patton was too busy with not hurting his ego to really do his job . And it was still not enough The aching in his chest intensified. Right, not the place for these thoughts. Roman looked at Virgil gratefully and nodded. He could use some time with his newest friend. Virgil was good. Helpful. A team player from the start He’d never pretended to be his friend when he was not. And even when they hated each other -though hate was a strong word for the aversion he used to have for the embodiment of anxiety- Virgil had made performances better, more exciting,  even inspired him to create. How things had changed since the fanders first met him. “Alright, breathe with me, and let’s go,” he instructed. Roman focused on the other side’s breathing and before he knew it they were in his room. With the familiar lavish decor, the countless posters and trinkets... But it all looked a little... off. It was not ready for a guest, and he was always ready for guests. There were decorative couch cushions on the floor, some of the red velvet drapes were askew and the whole room felt just a little wrong to him. Imagine coming home and someone had entered and pushed nearly everything a touch to the left. Nearly imperceptible, but enough for you to know something is wrong. Great even his own room couldn’t give him comfort now. He let out a sigh, not his usual dramatic sigh, just a plain old tired sigh, and sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. “Ro? What happened?” Virgil asked confused. “I know something really got everyone upset. Even pops felt... Unusually distraught. I stayed in my room to not make it worse. But Thomas seems okay now. So why aren’t you... You know? Tatata,” Virgil finished with a week imitation of triumphant trumpets and Roman’s usual introduction pose. It made the embodiment of creativity smirk despite himself and then he sighed again. “Janice happened,” he muttered defeated, feeling completely spent. “Janice... You mean Janus? Deceit? He... He told you?” Virgil muttered confused. “Janus?” Roman mused. “That makes slightly more sense,” he allowed before leaning back and letting his head rest against the wall. Whatever, he still thought it was a weird name. Janus... He’s never going to get used to that. Maybe he should stop reading fan speculations on them though. Perhaps if he hadn’t been thinking of Deceit as Damien this whole time he wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction to Janus. Not that he wouldn’t have teased him. He absolutely would. He’d been upset at the serpentine side as it was. He’d been about ready to snap the whole time and the frog thing happened and D, Janus showed up and he didn’t know how to feel or what to think. So, yes he lashed out. He tried to get a little control over the situation because he couldn’t deal with one more thing tilting his worldview. And then... He felt the couch shift under an added weight. Right, Virgil is here with him. He glanced aside. Virgil was sitting on the armrest, looking at him expectantly. He normally would protest against Virgil putting his shoes on the couch, but right now he couldn’t care less. His friend needed a summary. “He... replaced Logan again and pushed Patton into being a frog monster. Accused Patton of deceiving Thomas, on accident, but still, and then he... Convinced Patton and Thomas to like him.” he summarized. Creating a monster to fight so he could be the hero. How absolutely despicable. “... Wait back up... Logan, is Logan alright?” “Physically or emotionally?” Roman asked dryly. Because apparently Thomas and Patton forgot that Janus hurt others. Hurt Thomas, hurt Patton, Virgil and Logan. And yes, Roman too felt hurt by the snake. Remus might be the only side not hurt by him and that was because Remus lacked the attention span to be upset at anything. He envied that sometimes. The ability to not care at all. Suddenly there was knocking on Roman’s door. “Roman? You in there sport? I brought hot coco?” It was Patton. Roman grabbed one of the fallen cushions, put it between his stomach and his legs, which he pulled towards his chest and curled up in a ball. He didn’t want to talk to him right now. After a moment of silence he heard Virgil get up, walk away and then he heard the door open. “He’s taking a nap. Seems really out for the count. I was going to check up on Logan next, but could you do that? You know how emotional roller coasters like today take it out of me. Besides, I think Lo would much rather hear from you anyway. I’m going to nap in here. My room is a bit too much for me right now you know?” “Oh, of course Kiddo! You take it easy. I’m going to need to talk to you about something though...” “How you’ve left Janus of all people in charge of Thomas’s post learning moment aftercare? Yeah, Roman gave me the headlines. I trust your judgment Patton. But I don’t trust Jan. Not for a second. He’d never hurt Thomas on purpose, i know that, none of us would. Thomas isn’t self-destructive by nature. The problem is, I’m not sure if he’s ready to see that he can hurt him on accident.” It was quiet for a minute. “I think I know what that’s like... I’m really sorry kiddo. I know that I’ve been the cause of a lot of your pain too,” their paternal side offered softly. Silence. Roman imagined that Virgil was speechless by that declaration. That was Janus’s great power. He’d gotten Patton to think that he was the bad guy. Patton! “I remember when Thomas was still young and you just started to really manifest. Before... Before we pushed you away as a bad thing. You’d hang onto me and panic whenever I got nervous about Thomas doing a wrong thing, thinking a bad thought... I did that to you. Because I was too strict and I was teaching you to think in black and white too. And when we pushed you away... Of course you thought you had to be the bad guy to do your job. I taught you that. And I hate it. I wish I could go back. Go back and hug little you and me and say that it’s okay. But I can’t. I just hope that you’ll believe me when I say... I’m really sorry and I’ll try to be better.” A few more moments of silence. “Pops... you aren’t entirely to blame for me believing I was bad. Janus, has just as much to do with that, if not more.” Roman forced himself to stay where he was. He knew it! He knew there was a reason Virgil reacted to the others like that. He should’ve listened to him. Asked about his history before. The whole callback situation wouldn’t have been such a stressful episode if he had just heard Virgil out. “What do you mean kiddo?” “The thing about him is, he deals in extremes. Today you might have seen him in a sincere and nurturing mood, but we have all seen how deceitful and destructive and manipulative he can be,” Virgil explained gently. Mindful of a sleeping friend who wasn’t really asleep.  “You saw what that behavior did to Roman, even if he didn’t mean to hurt him.” Roman felt a jolt of warmth at the protective edge that coated Virgil’s voice at that statement. Oh, how had he been so wrong about him? All this time he could’ve had a valiant knight at his side. “One moment he looks at you and sees a friend a brother... A son.” That nearly made Roman jump up again. Janus had hurt Virgil, that was the only explanation for the way his voice softened at that last title. He’d slay the demon. They’d already established that nothing they did could do physical damage to the others as long as they didn’t let it have power over them. Janus, who’d been wrangling Remus for years, would surely not blink an eye at being run through, or beheaded. So it wouldn’t be that bad if he and Virgil got a few therapeutic stabs in for their benefit... but for now he forced himself to remain silent. He’d talk to Virgil about the best way to avenge him later. After Patton left them alone. “The next, you are a pawn to be manipulated in any way that suits what he thinks to be the greater good in that moment. And when he speaks you never know for certain if it’s a painful truth you need to hear to become better, stronger, or a hurtful lie to make you suit his needs.” ‘I don’t need to flatter you’... ‘Who is the evil twin’ Virgil took in a long breath and let it out with a sigh. “It’s a long story, and you should really go get Logan hot coco just the way he likes it. He deserves some patented Patton love as well.” “Alright kiddo. Thanks for being honest with me. I hope you’ll tell us all the story later so we can understand. But take your time. And thank you for trying to spare my feelings by not telling me that Roman isn’t ready for a talk yet.” Well, there went that illusion. “You two rest up. Take care of him for me, and tell him... Tell him I’m sorry I let him down.” Again Roman nearly went for the door. But he wasn’t ready. With the way he was feeling now, he’d lash out again and he didn’t know for sure who would have to face the brunt of his emotional outbursts. “I’m sure he’d say that you did nothing of the sort. Don’t let Janus get into your head too much. Ugly truths and painful lies Patton. Don’t fall for the latter just because he gave you a little of the former,” Virgil warned. “I’ll keep that in mind. Good night then. Thomas should be taking a day or two to relax and take care of himself so you should get plenty of time to recover,” Patton assured Virgil. “Night, see you in a minute when something goes wrong anyway.” Roman could hear Patton chuckle before the door closed. He expected Virgil to come back to sit where he sat before right away, but he heard him moving around the room and then the kitchen... What was going on? Suddenly he felt a blanket being draped over him, pillows being put all around and Virgil’s warm body joining his under the blanket. “You tell anyone about this, I’ll deny it until the end times. But pillows and blankets help me feel safer sometimes. And you know, Logan told me once that physical contact with a friend can be calming or whatever I didn’t really listen to the whole thing, you know how he kind of goes on. But I wrote down the gist of his tips. And then there is the always reliable, comfort food,” he announced as he gave Roman a fresh cup of hot coco with little marshmallows and rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream. What had Roman nearly tear up was that it was in his mug. One with a little Stitch figure that said “Ohana Means Family”. Not one of Patton’s pet themed mugs. His own. Virgil had made him this from scratch. Exactly the way he’d like it when he’s feeling down. He heard a clank and saw that Virgil had also put down a can of rainbow mini muffins. He kept those around to have as a treat on good and bad days. They had a delicious molten chocolate filling. When had Virgil even see him take one? It didn’t matter. This was everything he needed to get through the story he would have to tell, and the one he had to hear. “So, spill,” Virgil instructed as he laid a hand on his back in support. With a deep breath Roman told him everything as he’d experienced it from the moment he’d gotten home until the moment he’d popped up in Virgil’s room. By the end he was sobbing. The mug of hot coco was halfway, but stood on the coffee table as he was busy ruining Virgil’s hoodie with his tears. Damn all of this. He was too tired to hang on to his pride. Virgil didn’t make fun of him though he let him cry and listened to his exclamations of: “I just don’t understand what I did wrong? Why... Why am I the bad guy in this? Didn’t I do the right thing? Going to the wedding? I just... I just wanted to do the right thing. Thomas counted on me to give him hope. To rise above the challenge and defy that serpent’s scheme despite the odds. But other than a brief feeling of victory... I’ve never felt worse. I mean, Remus got the better of me for the first time in ages. It’s not right! Why do I feel like I’m being punished for doing what we knew was right, while Janus is being celebrated? Janus was wrong... Wasn’t he?” He’s glad Virgil is the only witness to this breakdown. If Patton saw this, he would blame himself. And Logan might try to help but have not much helpful to offer, other than an objective analysis or an experiment that might nudge Roman in the right direction, but he was in no mood to dissect any complicated explanations. Remus would make him feel worse, same goes for Janus, even if he were to try and be helpful it would only confuse Roman even more. And then there was... Well, he never was much help when it comes to solving problems. There was a reason why he hadn’t joined them in the physical world for any of their discussions. And Thomas... God he’d never regain Thomas’s respect if he’d see him like this. “You did good Ro. But we all knew that we felt conflicted about it when we left the door. We’re all on edge and from the sound of it, you weren’t at fault in the escalation of the conflict. Patton is the one who wasn’t honest with himself out of fear to disappoint Thomas. And Janus was the one to push him to the edge. And it was Janus who’d hurt you in the past and didn’t bother to apologize or acknowledge it had even happened. Of course you were on edge around him. But that’s just how he is,” Vigil sighed as he rubbed Roman’s back soothingly. That reminded Roman... He sat up and wiped his eyes. “What happened? You said that Janus was a big part of the reason you thought you were bad or something?” Roman asked picking up his mug to give himself something to focus on other than the soul bearing moment they’d shared. Virgil sighed and looked up to the swirling lines that decorated his ceiling. “Right. Remember the last time I had one of my fits before I started hanging with the others?” Roman nodded. He didn’t like thinking back to that time. He and Remus hadn’t been separated for that long yet and there were times when he still felt wrong without him. And in those moments he blamed Virgil, then still just fear. He remembered little of being ‘The King’, didn’t even really recall their old name, but one of the things he did remember was the split. He was thinking of something he thought was funny, something with a word mom would scold them for, but that made it even funnier. Patton had scolded him and something about the reprimand had triggered Fear. Ironically, seeing Fear in distress like that had triggered a protective instinct in the king and he’d been so eager to comfort the boy. He’d been torn. Part of him wanted to defy Patton and tell Fear that Thomas wouldn’t get in trouble for a small thing like that. The other wanted to promise to never think of anything upsetting ever again so the little timid boy could relax a little and play with them. Next thing he knew one part was promising these things while hugging Virgil and another was giggling and running around shouting all kinds of strange and bad things and letting his train of thought jump from one topic to another as random things kept catching his attention. Virgil had always been the inspiration for the noble prince. For his first act had been to protect the confused boy from the source of his troubles. He’d called for his princely attire to resemble the prince in Cinderella and swung his sword, then still a harmless toy sword, and Remus had actually enjoyed playing a ferocious dragon. And Virgil had laughed at their game and relaxed. Roman and Remus never questioned their existence... But Patton and Logan had been surprised and Patton had soon come to understand that all the things he would scold the king for were stuck in the green twin, while all the nice thoughts were with the red one, who introduced himself as Roman to them. Roman received praise and watched his brother get scolded and eventually ‘the snake man’ had come to pick is brother up from their room. Roman had pleaded not to of course, as any decent brother would. But then the snake man said something that terrified him. Thomas didn’t want his brother’s thoughts in his head. So the snake man took his brother somewhere where Thomas could pretend he didn’t exist. And he’d forced Roman to stand still and let Thomas forget about the other creativity. He couldn’t even mention him again. Not when Thomas might hear at least. That had scared Roman. When he told Patton about where his brother was taken he’d been assured that something like that would never happen to him. Thomas loved being creative. Roman was the hero. He got to be at the wheel almost all the time. He was the Prince after all... It had been comforting and terrifying at the same time. What if he messed up? Would Thomas stop loving him? It was then that the feeling of wrongness started showing up. And that scared him even more. He couldn’t miss being with Remus. Remus was bad, Roman was good. And good people didn’t want to be around bad people. Bad people were put away and forgotten about. It was while he was in one of these moments of self-doubt that Fear panicked at something he considered irrelevant. It had gotten to Roman and he’d blown up at Fear for freaking out over a stupid stain. This had triggered Virgil even more and Thomas had jumped back and knocked over one of the nice glasses from the counter somehow. His mother had been angry, but in that worried way only parents can really pull off. This however had gotten Patton and Logan’s attention. Logan had scolded Fear because his disproportionate reaction to a small problem created a bigger one. Patton had scolded him because Thomas was in trouble now and it was their task to keep him out of trouble. Roman had wanted to tell the others that Fear had reacted to him shouting, not the stain, but the others were already telling Fear that if he didn’t watch out, he would be pushed away and then what would happen to Thomas? This had caused Fear to run away and next time Roman saw him, he was ‘a bad guy’. “I never really said i was sorry. I swear I wanted to explain to the others why you freaked, I did, but next time we saw you...” He didn’t know where to look. He felt so ashamed of his actions. Virgil patted his back. “It’s alright Sir Singalot,” he grinned, using the nickname that Roman had approved off as a sign of peace. “You guys didn’t push me away. That’s just how you see it now through a veil of guilt. I never intended to leave. I needed to get away for a minute,” Virgil explained casually, but then his voice grew tense as his eyes darkened at the memory.

“And he was right there,” he whispered and Roman could imagine the figure swooping in. Offering an insecure and neglected side a comforting embrace. “He was telling me both the things I feared to be true and things I wanted to hear someone say.”

He could imagine that too. The smooth voice spinning truths and lies in a delicate trap to lure young Fear to his side of the consciousness.

“He told me that you guys would never really want me around. But he also said that that was stupid of you because I keep Thomas safe. That you needed me more than you realize. And if you weren’t going to listen to simple reason, then I’d have to be loud so I couldn’t be ignored.” Virgil looked back towards Roman for with a sad, understanding smile.

“He might have believed he was helping me. That he was saving me many more of these arguments. He’ll probably swear up and down that he was looking out for me and Thomas and even all of you.” Roman got the idea that Virgil was trying to say something about Janus’ intentions towards him as well. But he couldn’t find the will to believe that the man hadn’t been malicious towards him or even any of the others when he did the things he did. Good intentions or not –like with the cake the end result was still the same. Virgil seemed to agree, because his face darkened again as he continued his story. 

“But when he found me after you guys accepted me, he started saying those things again and I said he was wrong and that we’d all been going about it the wrong way. I wanted us all to step into the sun...”

“Dear Evan Hansen,”  Roman grinned teasingly to lighten the mood. He got a playful shove and a smirk. He’d take the victory. It kind of made him feel better. To know that he could still be a good friend despite the disaster of today.

“He slipped,” Virgil continued. “Or maybe he thought I’d feel bad for him and stay... I don’t know. He broke my trust and I’ll never be able to be sure if he’s truthful with me... But that day, he said he wouldn’t let you guys take me away from him.” Roman’s eyes widened as the implications of that sunk in. He wasn’t sure if he felt sorry for the man or wanted to punch him even more.

“I realized in that moment that he had manipulated the truth to ensure that I wouldn’t get along with you guys. He was lonely and he didn’t want to share. So he took of the blindfold and broke the piñata open to get the friend he wanted. And for years, that worked. But then, because Thomas accepted that he has anxiety, I got a real seat at the table, even if no one liked me being there. And then we worked together in the open more often and well... You know what happened. He hated that I spent time with you guys. He hated that I had nice things to say about Patton, that I kind of appreciated the debate with Logan... That I admired your... drive.”

“Wait what?” Roman shot up in surprise, nearly losing the cover of the blanket in the process. He hadn’t expected a sincere complement. He’d been ready for a little jab like ‘tolerated your presence’ or something. Not admiration...

“Don’t make me regret this... I always kind of looked up to you. Because you were never afraid to go for what you want. I don’t envy that ability. But I think it’s cool that you can.”

Roman was speechless. It succeeded in making him feel a bit better, but it also left him in awe of his friend. This is why he appreciated Virgil so much. He was sincere. Always. He didn’t sugarcoat anything he said what he thought the way he thought it. He might have learned to voice his concerns more clearly and less like death threats, but he still said what was on his mind. So a complement like this form him? Well, that was the highest praise he could imagine.

“Anyway...” Virgil continued with a blush, avoiding Roman’s gaze. “Feeding your ego aside.” He took a deep breath which brought Roman back to the here and now. Right serious talk time.

“The fight got ugly. I accused him of lying to me all this time for selfish reasons. He denied the reasons I gave, but not the fact that he lied. I got so mad. I told him to stay away from us. That I never wanted to see his face again. And I’ve been pissed ever since. I didn’t want you guys anywhere near him, because I can’t be sure that he won’t hurt you the way he hurt me, whether he wants to or not. And I was right. He hurt you, he hurt Patton and Logan and even Thomas. It all led to a big lesson about self-care and everything. But I agree, we can’t let our guard down around him. Ever.”

Roman hugs Virgil close. “Want me to stab him for you? Because I would totally stab him for you,” he promises.

Virgil allows a small chuckle and returns the hug. “I’ll think about it.”

Just then their surroundings changed and they were sitting on the bed in the bedroom. “Thomas must be getting ready for the night,” Roman observed, some rest would be great. Dreams took care of themselves. He could chose to influence them but tonight he couldn’t be bothered. Remus might give them some weird twists but who cared? At this rate, they’d also let him have a seat at the table one of these days so he might as well start getting used to having him around again. But if Remus was accepted back, would that make them be ‘the king’ again? No. Not thinking about that tonight.

He felt Virgil get up next to him. “I’ll get going then...”

“No,” Roman hurried as he pulled Virgil back into his side. This got him a surprised look, but he didn’t care. “Neither of us should really be alone right now don’t you think? And I don’t think you were exactly lying when you said your room was too intense for you right now,”

Virgil shrugged. “No... But...”

Just then they both manifested their sleepwear. A comfy shirt and sweats in their respective colors.

“Thomas is going to sleep. We should too... And I really don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now,” he confessed. This seemed to convince Virgil. It wasn’t like it would be the first time. Well it was the first time they’d both sleep in his bed and in their pj’s. But it had happened that one of them dozed off on the other ones shoulder during a movie a few times. No big deal.

So along with Thomas they settled in for the night.

Virgil felt that Roman was still tense and it was affecting Thomas’s ability to fall asleep. At least, Virgil told himself that this was the reason why he turned towards him wrapped his arms around his fellow side and started singing, his voice drifting through the dark room. “There are shouters and murmurers, loan sharks and burglars...” by the end of the song both had relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

There it’s not perfect, i started writing at nine in the evening and it’s now almost two. So my brain is fried. Might write a follow up shorter bit about the inside out perspective on the last scene with Lee and Mary Lee when I’m actually awake. Edit: Fixed the spelling a bit

With love lovelivingmydreams

Next part this is going to be longer than I planned

[boisentertainment]

Dark Lane Demo Tapes HD Review

Cover Art To “Dark Lane Demo Tapes”

“I’m losing enough sleep

dealing with envy and the news that they send for me 

got the block in a frenzy”

–Deep Pockets

Drake starts off Dark Lane Demo Tapes doing what he does best, effortlessly floating on the intro “Deep Pockets“, another collaboration accompanied by producer Noah “40” Shebib. Self-reflecting and reminiscing on adolescent aspirations before the transition of becoming one of the greatest artists of all time.

Drake breaking the record for Most Wins in one night at the 2017 Billboard Music Awards

Drake has been navigating through uncharted territory flawlessly. Proving this point yet again with his release of “Toosie Slide”. Drake’s 3rd single to debut at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart making him the first male in history to achieve this milestone.

“500 mill and I’ll fall back in the six, 

finally give you n**** the space you need to exist”

-When To Say When

*Talk To em Drizzy* 

Drake follows up with two pre-released tracks, “When To Say When” & “Chicago Freestyle”. Jam packed with bars, a sample from “Song Cry” by Jay-Z (one of my all time favorite Hov songs) on “When To Say When”, and a nostalgic Eminem cadence reference on “Chicago Freestyle”.

You really love to see Drizzy remind everyone on “When To Say When” that his pen still outmatches all who oppose. Re-asserting his dominance as if it was ever in question. Subtle reminders like the bars above are what keep Drake and his competition completely separated. 

“Two-thirty, baby, won’t you meet me by The Bean?

Too early, maybe later you can show me things

You know what it is whenever I visit

Windy city, she blowin’ me kisses, no

Thirty degrees, way too cold, so hold me tight

Will I see you at the show tonight?”

Will I see you at the show tonight?”

-Chicago Freestyle

Giveon, a California native sings of the windy city as Drake gets ready to paint a picture of a night through his perception. From scrolling through his contacts of women’s names that are seemingly categorized by area code, to eventually just letting his boi Chubbs pick a girl out for him as if picking up women is as easy as shopping! Drake brilliantly segways into a memory that you forgot you had by referencing a cadence used in Eminem’s “Superman” released in 2002.

Eminem and Drake. Picture: Instagram

Don’t be fooled by the feature credit of Chris Brown….we didn’t get another “No Guidance” summer anthem….

Just a few background vocals from the R&B legend were enough to get his name on the project tracklist. Meanwhile Burna Boy is still waiting for his credits since More Life but that’s a conversation for another day. “Not You Too” Featuring Chris Brown is the first song on the project that I really don’t care for. It’s disappointing when you see a Drake and Chris Brown collaboration and it doesn’t slap..

What A Time To Be Alive is in my Top 3 favorite duo albums of all time. Whenever I see a Drake and Future collab I automatically get excited. Previously leaked, “Desires” is everything you want in a slower more laid back vibe from these two. The hook is addicting. Future’s verse is versatile with flows. His energy matches perfectly and his lyrics have SUBSTANCE. Listen to it carefully.

Photo From Future Featuring Drake “Life Is Good”

Drake has this ability to be able to sing 90% of the song, take the other 10%, completely spazz, and musically still have it make sense. These are the moments in songs like “Desires” and “Redemption” that turn slow R&B type vibe songs into a completely different entity within itself. Now all of a sudden you’re turning up and talking your sh*t instead of staring at the ceiling crying yourself to sleep. 

When I hear “Time Flies” I automatically think of Tik Tok. I don’t know why but if it blows up on Tik Tok you heard it here first! Honestly for me this, is another skip it and forget it type of song, I really hope it doesn’t go viral.

The first forty-five seconds is the only part of the song that kept my attention. Otherwise the rest is forgettable or just too similar to music that he’s already done thus not really elevating his ability here. During a full listen to the song I’m 100% paying attention during the first forty-five seconds. After that my attention doesn’t come back until he starts saying “Im Sorry”.

Don’t worry Drizzy I forgive you. 

“If he talkin’ out his head, then it’s off with it, yeah

Boardin’ Air Drake, then we takin’ off in it, yeah”

-Landed

Luckily, “Time Flies” is followed by a HEATER. Three hooks and three verses of aggressive, yet relaxed, reckless bars knowing there isn’t a consequence for you when you’re at the top. “Landed” is a slick talk, mean face, making breakfast with the speaker on 10 with the neighbors calling the cops while you’re trying to get hype for the day joint.

I wanna stop writing this review, get in my car, windows down, put this song on max volume and mean mug old people walking their dog in the suburbs for the rest of the day.

At first listen I was super excited about “D4L”. The production from Southside is out of this world. I do feel like it’s lacking a certain element. It’s easy to fall in love with a song featuring Drake, Future, and Young Thug, with this type of production. To me it just doesn’t sound organic. It sounds like it was thrown together rather than collectively created.

Honestly, I wish Drake and Future left Young Thug out of it, sat down together and created a dope record. Kind of wasted a great instrumental. 

To be blunt, I’m just not impressed with “Pain 1993”. It could be the fact that I’m not the biggest Playboi Carti fan, or it could be just because the song’s just not that interesting. I’ve replayed “Pain 1993” numerous times searching for something with depth or meaning because that, accompanied with creative cadences and complex bars, is the reason why I love Drake’s music. This didn’t do it for me. 

The intro to “Losses” is amazing. The song starts with a clip of Drake’s father Dennis Graham previewing a song Dennis had been working on recently. It ends with Dennis saying something like, “This songs about family, if anyone feel anyway about it I don’t give a f***”, classic.

It’s funny how you can listen to any Drake project and stumble upon a song that you personally aren’t really feeling. The next song is the exact song you’re looking for. Self-reflection is my favorite type of Drake song because the untouchable becomes relatable and humbled.

The second verse of “Losses” touches on Drake’s motivation on why he does what he does, “I do it for the Grahams not the Gram”. Then goes into depth about his sacrifices and choices that he’s made over the years and defends his reasoning behind them. 

“I did it by being myself with no dramatic acting

I couldn’t sit around and wait, I had to have it happen

Lost you to the game, I gotta face that

Really think I lost you like a ways back”

-Losses

Drakes starts off “From Florida With Love” paying homage to the late Static Major who was well known for his appearance on Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop”. Otherwise the song is a dope story about Wayne showing Drake “Lollipop” back in 2008 on a tour bus with Kobe Bryant. (RIP) Then the story continues with Drake getting robbed for his chain and how that lesson stuck with him for life. Further justifying his reasoning for his mentality and how he handles certain situations. 

“From that day I never touched the road without a (Plugg)

Ayy, from that day I never saw the point in talkin’ tough (Nah)

Hasn’t happened since, I guess you n***** know what’s up (Yup)

Yeah, haven’t seen the 6ix in like a month (6ix)

F*** that, I’m back, baby, where the love? (Love)”

– From Florida With Love

“VIRAL. MOVIE.”

Love to see Drake on some, what I define as, “murder music”. Type of music that just makes you wanna fight anybody, anytime… Drake absolutely BODIES the first verse but it’s a mere alley oop to Fivio Foriegn.

Fivio Foriegn sounds like he’s right at home on this one. His delivery is in your face, lyrics are gritty, his aggression is on another level. My only take back is Sosa Geek’s verse just feels, unnecessary. Or maybe I just really wish Pop Smoke was alive to clean this one up RIP. 

The final song on the project “War” was released around Christmas time 2019. The best part of this being the outro to the project is only that we can stream this song now. Despite being released months in advance it only became available on streaming services with this release.

War is a song that is being recognized as “UK Drill” which, obviously, was created in the United Kingdom. This is just another example of how Drake can travel in and out of different genres and subgenres immaculately.  

Conclusion

Overall the project is supposed to be perceived as a “mixtape” rather than an “album”. Drake is set to release a brand new studio album later this year. As a whole I enjoy the project, I’m trying to shy away from relating it to other albums because it technically isn’t an album. Dark Lane Demo Tape isn’t game changing, but it will hold the world over until the real album drops.

What was your favorite song on “Dark Lane Demo Tape”?

Tell me what you guys think in the comments below! 

Thank you for reading my “Dark Lane Demo Mixtape”  HD review. If you enjoyed this post check out boisandbartalk.com for more content from the bois! 

Love, 

Kev Clark HD

[ocdaniel]

@$@#$@@#CK

LAME DUDE!!! I just wrote this blog post and tumblr crashed. Searched for a bit on if it recovers old posts and saves as drafts and i couldn’t find anything useful.  LAME!!!!  If i do this blog post thing, i might just start using google docs and start pasting them over here.  strike 1 tumblr!  ugh. anyway, before it crashed i did a quick screen shot just in case and then i used this online image to text converter to get the text back.  wack, but i saved a decent portion of what i wrote.  here it is:

(i had a bunch of stuff written before this but it didn’t catch in the screen shot.

2017 - The year of the P.U.M.P.

1. Past in the past - The past is to learn from, not to live in. The past is best served left in the past and recalled when relevant information is needed.

2. Upgrade every day - If your gonna move forward, might as well upgrade along the way. Daily self improvement will lead to compounded returns. 3. Moment to moment living - Planning is great but don't forget to stop and smell the flowers. Embrace the moments as they come and try to FIT IN the flow instead of trying to CREATE the flow. 4. Proactive Progress - Be proactive about change. It all starts with you and your future self awaits!

This is the way i started the year off for 2017. The PUMP is where growth happens. Expansion and contraction create energy. Like a air pump. Expand.. potential, Contract... realization of energy. You can't create energy without properly setting the environment for energy to exist. I've gone through many seasons in life in these past 37 years and have tested many different approaches to living. Some work well, others have catastrophic failure. I think the key to living a fulfilling life is to collect more things that work and discard the stuff that doesn't.

As of today, i'm super excited about mobile app development. I see so much potential still in the marketplace and have been finding some real interesting "soft spots" out there. I feel like its the wild wild west still for mobile app dev and that resources are finally catching up to the market to make things easier and more productive to develop in that space. What i mean is... When the internet started becoming more and more popular, url's were all over the place for the taking. It was a specialized field that only early adopters came in to explore. The nerds, geeks, techies were the target demographic for success in this environment however it wasn't cool to be a geek yet. Computers and video games were not very "sexy" in the 90's. Online chatting/ dating/ etc was not a norm.., oh how things change. Well some people sit back and say "wow, omg, crazy, too fast, didn't see that coming!" while others can forecast and anticipate what will happen or has a high probability of happening. The ones that are engaged and embrace change often those that aren't so surprised. Well usually, the emotion of being surprised is often related to the lack of anticipation. The lack of anticipation is usually due to the lack of vision. The lack of vision is usually related to the lack of information. Basically, data trumps all guess work if you have it. That's why i'm a big fan of predictive analytics an data mining. The more data you have, the better forecasting you can make off relevant information.

So how this applies to mobile apps? Well, i've been playing in the space for a few years now and feel that smartphones have basically taken over the human population's attention. Social media is a full blown epidemic and has grabbed tremendous amount of real estate when it come to a collective human attention We find our news there, info on family, event details, entertainment, etc. I don't think this is anything WOW, OMG, CRAZY, TOO FAST, or DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING... because i've seen the progression of this for the last 15 years or so Technology is supposed to make things easier and more efficient. The problem is that we often don't know what is going to work in the mass market because of the lack of samples to test on.  As soon as the world began to adopt social media and smartphones as the norm, the ability to test web tech became more and more accessible.  

So.. mobile apps and how i see it. Mobile app development was super super expensive just a few years ago.  I mean it’s still expensive now.  You can spend upwards of $50k+ trying to build out a custom app going into the hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I’ve never been a “traditional” type of guy that likes to pay market rate for things and always figured out various ways to get development accomplished at a decent price.  In this space, time is key.  The longer a dev guy needs to build something out or figure out how to make it, the more you’ll end up paying.  Often times, figuring out how to make “what you want” into “what you want” is the hardest part.  Think like this.. guy with idea “i want a car that flies” > guy building it “ok, here you go” guy with the idea “that’s not what i want” > guy building it > “ok, explain it better” > 10 years later “guy with the idea “#&$@#*$@#*$@#&#$@*&” > guy building it “ok, here’s my invoice again” 

wasted time, energy, emotion, creativity, etc, etc.... Point being, it’s hard to build something without being able to properly translate what you want to the person building it unless your doing it yourself.  That’s where i think the opportunity is.  Mobile app dev is not a very familiar area to a majority of the world however, it’s used by the majority of the first world population. Lot of users, not a lot of developers.  I mean this is how i’ve made my living.  Charging premium for things that “normal” people want but can’t build themselves. What I’ve gotten good at is figuring out how to TRANSLATE ideas into a executable format that provides efficient development.  Kinda like a map maker.  I help get people from idea to execution without too many bumps and bruises.  Crucial in this era of rapid development and a instant gratification marketplace.  Those who build faster yet quality products could win BIG now!  Well, that’s how i see mobile apps.  It’s a huge marketplace with little competition for an enormous amount of content integration opportunities. Lotta people + Lotta ideas - People who can build the stuff = MASSIVE OPPORTUNITY!  

I have a surfing analogy i often say to friends... i don’t try to catch every wave but rather try to prep my board and my energy to catch the big one that other’s didn’t prep for.  Lotta people out there hacking away trying to catch every damn trend and trying to be something their not.... I’d rather build what i’m good at and proven into something that can catch fire when the time is ripe.  THE TIME IS NOW!!!  To say the least, i’m extremely excited. This marks the beginning of the next chapter to my entrepreneurial endeavors that has been in the making for years.... What used to take me months, i am now able to do in weeks.  What used to take me weeks, i’m doing in days. It’s really cool to see things come together.  Speed + Precision = Ninja Execution. Mobile apps... We Coming... 

Stay Tuned.....