#anyway. clarinet man you are FLOPPING

[livvyofthelake]

utterly evil to be trying to make a short film that's meant to be a love story but your lead actors have zero romantic chemisty. like. luckily it's not only a love story and in fact the romantic aspect was ambigous anyway but like. it was supposed to be a love story... and they are not good at playing it that way. actually let me rephrase. my perfect beuatiful wonderful lead actress has done nothing wrong and in fact i think she's gone above and beyond on all fronts. lead actor however is giving nothing. he's not a bad actor i just do not like him. my man hater tendencies started acting up when he revealed to me he used to play clarient in marching band, i'm telling you that is a red flag. he's fine and his acting was fine and all of this should be salvagable, but if i could go back in time and do a better job casting i would.... he's giving nothing in many scenes. he's just standing there... literally tiktok sound voice she looks absolutely beautiful, and he's there. anyway. its obviously too late to do anyting about any of it but he is so flop tbh.

[pipesflowforeverandever]

Simply Second Nature

The lovely @ichaisme commissioned me to write a lyric fic about her and my Joey Drew interpretation, Gingie! The voice featured in the actual song is my voice canon for Gingie, and you can listen along here. 

Thank you so much for commissioning me! I’ve always had very vivid imagery for this song and it was wonderful to make it come to reality.

The young woman could hardly believe that she was standing here, upon the cusp of magnificence and unlimited opportunity for dreams to come true. Ginger Drew threw open his doors, and she- yes, somehow, she- had caught in the corner of his eye, captured his attention; but the visitor had no doubt that the magical one was the old redhead with a golden smile escorting her now by his side.

But still, arm in arm in a private tour of his studio, she couldn’t help but wonder…

“Sir…?” Maddie mumbled, eyes wide but stuck on his neat, polished shoes. The visitor refused speak until Gingie gave his hum, a hooded gaze flickering over and a touch down in a casual, waiting glance . She felt her breath hitch a moment, despite his casualness. “I- I was…wondering.” The last word was drawled as her chin tilted up, catching the essence of his work- the stray sketches, the rolls of film, the grinning cutouts- evidence of both his empire and of his more…personal creations.

“Why do you do all this, anyway…? Money?”

A brow underneath his top hat raised at the inquiry, and a flush burnt into her cheeks, immediately realizing that was perhaps the most impolite of first guesses. “No- Is it…to be famous?” Now, a higher pitch in the last question as she felt herself socially digging a hole. No, he didn’t respond to that either. Just the same curious look- although maybe she was missing precisely how amused he was beginning to be.

The ginger’s footsteps only gave a few more clicks along the wooden floorboards before he stopped in place, loosening his arm to fold it across his chest with the other. By now, her words were spoken with a grimace, a semi-desperate gaze for any sort of hint.

“…Fun?”

He was either the worst tease or most the dramatic planner as he remained silent in the room they happened to pause within. One shift of his stare gently fell upon the ticking Bendy clock hung high up above their heads, another, then, upon a projector quietly spurring in the corner as empty yellow film colored a square upon the wall. A final one, of course, fell upon her.

“You really don’t…see it, do you?”

The gal’s chestnut eyes softened as she finally noticed the sharpness of his own, glinting honey with a smile that reached at the way up to them. Something was about to happen, and she felt it shake in her bones even before it inexplicably, miraculously reached like a whisper in her ears, stealing her breath and raising the hairs on her neck. The first notes of a piano chimed low and sweet, but her twisting head couldn’t find the source. What she did see was the room- no, the whole world- turn white like a blank canvas.

A jump with a gasp as Mr. Drew reached to hold her wrist and wagged his finger, expression glinting in hardly contained enthusiasm. She had so much to learn.

“A painter needs no reason,” Gingie started to sing, “To make a thing of art! Yes, there’s no switch to stop and start the flow.” Having gotten her attention, the rosy hand in a ruffled sleeve gleefully let go, and a squint gestured for her to look as he stuck up his flexing thumb.

“A gardener has his season, his green thumb…and his heart!” He fluttered his fingers into a fist, shifting them like they were beating with his chest before uncurling to rhythmically, playfully pointing his index finger again. “Don’t ask a man, ‘Why does your garden grow’”

In imitation of such an ignorant person, the redheaded dandy shook his head before stepping away, coattails flapping. His movement was…ethereal.

Animated.

Maddie wondered if her stray hairs seemed to glow like his did against the heavenly pale backdrop.

“A poet sits for hours-” The woman lost her breath again as the man sang the next verse, running with an arm outstretched as she saw him trip-

…No!

It was on purpose, and with a shimmer of gold beneath him, he was seated with crossed legs upon a fluffy arm chair that could only have come from nowhere.

The mischievous old artist gave her a wink before looking away, as if performing for an audience.

“-With words upon his tongue.” A close of the eyes and a dramatic, slow shake of his head accompanied with a wide-armed shrug, feigning despondency. “He cannot help but rhyme his doom and gloom… But if you taste my flowers-!”

The woman gasped again, audibly this time, as his hands had spun masterfully in the air before something appeared in his grip like a baton, thrust right towards her face. Impossible! With a sheen of a papery yellow that glittered with the right tilt, he had materialized a flower with four petals and a perfectly round middle.

“You’ll see that I’m among- that…-”

It was then that she accepted Gingie was magical in more ways than one, as she hesitantly reached a trembling, awestricken hand to take what was offered… only for her body to lurch forward as he abruptly pulled it away to rub his chin and roll his eyes up in thought.

“…Certain group,” he decided, spoken as if he was trying out how each singular word sounded, “That…lucky troupe-” Petals tickling his nostrils, a look of someone so in love with his own mind went back to she who asked for a glimpse of it. As such, he drawled the next line for the grandiosity surely ahead. “For whom…it’s…-”

She saw his fingers gesture, and like paintbrushes were hidden in their tips, watercolors bled and stroked pastel red, blue, yellow across the white space with no clear idea how distant or close they were, or if it even mattered at all.

“Simply second nature, to wish away the grey…”

A lock of hair fell out of place as she jumped yet again, having stared so closely she didn’t notice Gingie was suddenly so distant, having painted himself the backdrop of his story. His wrist turned up, up, up, and suddenly there was a yellow trunk and leaves stained with the other two dyes.

“To make a licorice stick…and make a tree!” He gestured from floor to sky the entirety of his creation, proud of its wonder before curling his hand to his chest more pensively. “Yes, there’s no rhyme or reason.”

She blinked when that devilish grin turned her way again, the tips of his coattails held like a dress skirt and his knees bent in a courtesy.

“I was simply made this way!” And he nodded in such a way she couldn’t help but giggle. This being exactly what he was looking for, his eyes hooded and he straightened back up like a teacher in front of the class, seeking to share the wisdom of his years. “What’s strange to you is natural to me.”

But of course, it didn’t last, and soon he was sweeping across the space in front of her, a rainbow spotting the pale in the trail of his heels.

“It’s simply second nature! To paint outside the lines! It merely is the way that I was born!”

Fickle, the old man stopped yet again, a hand to his heart and a dreamy stare up to the heavens like he could see eternity waiting up ahead. “You see I’ve been selected,” the next words came much more tenderly, “To create the-” And his tongue was stuck again as he flicked his eyes to the other person in the room. She could feel him light up as something about her served as a proper reminder. “…Unexpected!”

The sound of clarinets hummed in tune, almost like they finally understood what he was saying. His gaze flicked to them, too, with a satisfied smirk towards a ceiling that wasn’t there.

“And make each day feel just like…- Christmas morn!”

Maddie heard a snap and suddenly to her left side was a portrait towering tall, realistic lips, nose, and eyes. Not a single strand of hair that didn’t look like it belonged hung over its forehead. It was so perfect, it didn’t take long for her to recognize it clearly as a painting.

“Picasso took a torso and turned it on it’s head!” She didn’t know whether to object or not as he bent to the ground to grab the ornate corner of the picture’s frame, but soon it was spun all the same.

It rotated so fast that it blurred, and when it finally stopped, body parts were shifted and the style was simplified into shapes. He really had made a Picasso!

At her amazed expression, he simply shrugged and inspected his creation. “It isn’t right or wrong; it’s what he felt!”

The instruments thumped like a man walking down stairs, and that was precisely what he seemed to be doing on air as the colors melted under her shoes- making her yelp- and swam to her left. There were clocks strung up and perfectly round, like the flower still flopping as it was tucked in his coat.

“And Dali, even more so, would positively DREAD!” The emphasized word was accompanied with both palms pressed to his chest as he feigned a heart attack, his heels tilting so far back they seemed to give way; even his hair seemed to stick out a bit more like he was electrified with shock. It was a shift that reverberated to the scene he had drawn, perhaps, as soon the edges of the clocks became less and less solid to the point they were dripping like ink.

“-Explaining why his hands of time should melt…!” Another twirl in the melody and like eggs cooked in the sun, the time ran runny and flopped over the surfaces they were laid.

Why did she keep losing her breath for the man that saw so much in her, saw himself in her, even? It happened again as a hand was placed on her shoulder and another pressed fingertips underneath her chin. She had asked him why he did what he did, and was yet continually surprised? This was his canvas, and she his apprentice. With all of his focus on making her feel as he did, he removed the touch from her face and plucked the flower from his coat. So close, it was undoubtedly not any ordinary blossom; it was a cartoon, not unlike the ones he made- like…he had drawn it himself, and now it simply existed.

Just like that.

And if she had looked, she would have been able to see more popping up one by one to place her in a whole field. If she had looked, she could see something not a color collecting around him like an aura. But she didn’t look, because that one flower and the unspoken reminiscence hidden upon a face so close was already so much to try to understand.

“And me, I take sweet honey and make a tasteful rose! What can I say? It’s simply what I do.”

The flower was finally hers to take, but his unbroken attention was short lived as the brim of his hat turned wistfully with a wind seen in the petals but not felt.

“Some men make pots of money… They're happy I suppose. But-”

He had walked a bit away to follow whatever he was looking for. Despite how certain she was that he didn’t do this for any financial benefit- although by all appearances he wasn’t without that sort of success either- he still seemed…distant.

Perhaps he himself didn’t even know why he did what he did, deep down.

“…Be grateful that for just a lucky few…its...”

The young woman and the old man knelt down together, pastels brushing at the cloth covering their knees. There were crimson little ladybugs and pollen-yellow bumblebees streaked across grass like sidewalk chalk. And as he offered his knuckles for a small, sapphire butterfly, she finally saw the black ink collecting in flecks on his skin and in the air about him.

“Simply second nature…to see what isn't there…the mind is such a wonder to explore…”

With concern brewing in her chest till it made her stomach hurt and a mouth open but unwilling to interrupt, her gaze trailed up his arm and realized he either saw something she couldn’t or that the growing black he seemed to manifest had begun to blind him from everything else.

“…And though some nights I dread-” She heard him choke, and his golden eyes widened in a flash, exactly as if he could feel how abruptly heavy these shadows had fallen on his shoulders like a halo of something secret, something wicked.

It could only hurt, and the labor of carrying the weight of darkness made him breathless instead, this time around.

“All the voices…” his labored voice managed to utter, “…In my head…-”

With a deep inhale and her supportive grip on his shoulder, he squeezed his eyes shut and his rainbow emanated again little by little with each and every word, stronger and braver in the face of what terrified him most.

“I’d rather be this way than be a bore...!”

Her hand held tight within his, they both stood up and took bold steps forward, the black fleeing him and swirling all around, its path mixing with the speckles of brightness like drops of paint from two different brushes held just above the paper. His free hand rose to in challenge and command to the onyx ink, and his voice was the loudest she had ever heard.

“It’s simply second nature!” Gingie shouted, “To dream of something new!”

He stopped his foot, the flowers beneath and around making a wave like throwing a rock in a puddle. They grew taller, their leaves and petals upturned, wild and overgrown in the face of uncertainty. He balled his fist like he was choking the malevolence he created.

“To wake on fire and try to sculpt each day!”

He threw his hand to his side.

“It’s no blessing- it’s a CURSE!”

And in his own passion, the crusade to convince himself so easily gave power to his own evils once again. The world itself stopped, and for a second Maddie believed she was the only thing moving in this living piece of art. In a split second it was all different; he had let go of her to bend over and hold both hands to his head, reaching into his hair and hiding his face as the ink stain grew and coated absolutely everything with its murk. The only flower left to be seen was between her fingertips.

…

Her chest rising and falling in silent panic, no music to tell her he was still alive, she was just about to try and shake him when she caught a glimpse of his honey irises once again, glimmering his magic as he recognized his curse.

“Wait…” Gingie hardly mumbled. His hand quivered as like this void before him was a person, he reached his hand out to the nothingness of his design that had consumed him. “No…!”

And as the darkness shrunk an inch at a time in response, its center right ahead, something else was created. A white gloved hand with smooth, thick black lines hesitantly twitched in tandem with his own.

But of course.

They were one in the same.

And so as Gingie pulled Bendy out of the puddle of ink, he soothed the devil, singing, “Strike that, and reverse.”

The cartoon was just like a small child, pie-cut eyes wide and innocent, unknowing what chaos he was born from, untainted by the very thing that could- and did- manifest a demon. He gave a blink to Maddie as the rest of the dark fog faded away, the aura about Gingie now being the proper red, yellow, blue he had always wanted others to find; they faded in and out like fairy dust, and she wasn’t sure if the pupils of Mr. Drew’s eyes symbolized something alongside their rings of magic- a circle of warmth around an abyss.

She stared for so long…that she didn’t see him staring back. His lips were slightly apart, and the expression he held was weary.

But…but…

The laugh lines that earned their scars bent again, and Gingie allowed her one last genuine grin as he reached into his soul and brought her a confession:

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

And with tears in his eyes, he held Bendy towards him with one hand and the woman with the other. She remembered the small gift between her fingers and offered it, in turn, to demon, and he gave her a perfect, eight-toothed smile.

The reason he created was, perhaps, in hopes to give away. It was no coincidence, after all, that it was she of all people he chose to take by the hand. She was a creator, too, and so it was time to pass the pencil before his hands couldn’t hold it anymore; Bendy would always need an artist, after all.

He would always need to know he passed his legacy on. And before the end of the day, Maddie would know this, too.

[reddie-trashetti]

ok but i really really love carrie the musical??

let’s talk about the 2012 revival first

the instrumentals?? in all of them but especially In and The Destruction?? man i love the beginning of In, i could listen to the first 11 seconds of that song for the rest of my life and be content

speaking of In, like, that whole song?? all the layers and harmonies??

could we talk about how long she holds the “that’s not my naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame” in Carrie

and Eve was Weak!! agh love that song

the World According to Chris is a hecking banger! i love it sm

THE LAST NOTE OF EVENING PRAYERS HOLY CRAP. THEY MATCH THEIR VIBRATO AND IT’S JUST A COMPLETE ALIEN SOUND I LITERALLY WOULD EXPECT THAT SOUND TO COME FROM A SPACE UFO OR SOME SHIT

it’s so funny to me that in Do Me a Favor, tommy’s like, you don’t need to take my advice but i’d.......apologise? and sue is like WELL FUCK THAT’S GENIUS

Dreamer in Disguise is really sweet. just. sweet.

I REMEMBER HOW THOSE BOYS COULD DANCE AKSJDHHDJDHDH IT’S SO AMAZING JUST MARIN MAZZIE’S SINGING AND HOW THEY TRANSLATED THAT SCENE INTO A SONG AND THE “I’LL GET THEM!!!” BOOM BAM BOOM BAM UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. AND THE BELLS AT THE END AND THE BAM

a Night We’ll Never Forget is such a banger and i love it!!! the harmonies and everything!! and i love love how eerie it is when chris and billy do the “ee yi ee yi” thing with the Old Macdonald farm tune but Different aahh! love

You Shine is just really cute and pure

Prom Arrival! i love how all the teenagers and prom things have that “you ain’t seen nothin yet, it’s gonna be a night we’ll never forget” and also how the instrumentals change

the reprise of Dreamer in Disguise is also really sweet and the harmony! also the part where the percussion comes in akdjdh

PROM CLIMAX! i love that thing musical songs do where there’s that one song where each character sings their own thing, and it connects to that song specifically but also the character as a whole and they all sing them at the same time and this song nailed it!!! chris, and then billy, and then carrie and tommy and the teenagers with their prom theme again and aksjdhhdhdhdhhdhdf i love this song so muchhh

The Destruction!! aaahhh the instrumentals where it’s just going down a (minor i believe?) scale and ajdjdhhdfhd

the Epilogue is really sweet too i love sue and her voice and how she sings the beginning and also the bells and BAM at the end!

i love the fact that the revival exists bc i know (for me) it was hard to find an audio boot of the broadway/stratford production that actually had a slight degree of quality

marin mazzie

this is personal to Me but carrie the musical was literally the only thing i listened to when i went to england and europe over the summer and listening to it now brings back such good memories,

ok now for the broadway production!

AGAIN, THE INSTRUMENTALS AKSJDHDHH. i love how this one has more wind instruments, the revival is mainly like keyboard and guitar and electric guitar and in the broadway one you can hear! trumpet! trombone! oboe! clarinet! french horn! also some strings! and instrumentals for specific songs akdjhd i love In, and THE DESTRUCTION HOLY CRAP I’M IN LOVE. AND THE OVERTURE AND BOWS AND EVERYTHING

i love In a lot! THE TRUMPET PART AROUND THE MIDDLE IT’S SUCH A BANGER

Dream On is a Peaceful song

i really like the instrumentals for the stratford And Eve Was Weak!! the ending holy crap!

Don’t Waste The Moon!!! what a banger!! i could sing along to it for days! and again the trumpets!!

i love the staccato of Do Me a Favor

Out For Blood is great

i just really like I’m Not Alone like the tune and stuff

WOTTA NIGHT!!!!!!!! the actual singing isn’t the best or the most tuneful, but THE INSTRUMENTALS. HOLYYYY CRAP THE BELLS AND THE KEYBOARD PART AT THE BEGINNING AND THE TRUMPETS AKSJDHDH I COULD GO ON ABOUT THE BEGINNING KEYBOARD PART FOR AGES

Heaven is just really sweet and i love it

THE DESTRUCTION. OMGOMGOMG. I LOVE IT SO MUCH I GET CHILLS EVERYTIME AND THE “GOD HAS SEEN YOU’RE SINNING, JUST BEGINNING, PRAY FOR YOUR SALVATION, FROM DAMNATION, PRAY, OR, HE BOOM WILL BOOM BURN BOOM YOU” AND HOW IT’S SLOWED DOWN FROM MARGARET’S PART FROM AND EVE WAS WEAK AND THE INSTRUMENTALS BEHIND IT AND THE LASERS AND SKDJHDJDJDHDHDHHDHHDHH!!! AND THEN THE INSTRUMENTALS AFTER THAT! THE TRUMPET PART THAT’S LIKE IN HOW THOSE BOYS COULD DANCE AND THEN THE REPEATING SCALE AND ALL THE SOUND EFFECTS AND I ACTUALLY LOVE THIS SONG SO FREAKING MUCH.

again another personal one but i only just started listening to the broadway version and it’s now connected to some amazing new friends i’ve made this year who are the best people ever

also, just in general? like apart from 2012 vs 1988

they managed to make a stephen king book into a musical that’s really amazing?? i know it was a flop in 1988 but it’s still just such a hecking great musical??

THE INSTRUMENTALS IN BOTH VERSIONS

i love how they manage to show carrie’s powers in the musical

and they do the bucket of blood too that’s pretty awesome

the casts??? some hecking pipes

anyway please listen to this musical it’s really really good!

[mylittledragonhoard]

Drabble Challenge! From that thing you reblogged earlier. Either "You're not interested, are you?" OR "I'm not wearing a dress/tie." Go as angsty or as silly as you like.

Thank you for the request. I decided to do both! I’ll post the other one tomorrow! And remember you were the one who said go angsty or as silly as I like~ * innocent angel face*

Character death ahead.

“I’m not wearing a dress/tie.”

“I’m notwearing a tie.” Ten-year-old Kili Oakley insisted stubbornly as hisalready frazzled band director held out the solid red material.

“It’s part ofthe uniform, Killian. Everyone has to wear one tonight. You can take it offonce you’re done playing.” She insisted as she shook her hand a bit sohe’d take it.

He didn’t. And eventhe use of his full name wasn’t enough to persuade him. “They chokeme.” He glowered at the offending article of clothing. “I’m notwearing it!”

The director made afrustrated noise and looked as though shewas going to be the one that choked him, but before that happened a voicestopped her.

“Ties are coolman. You should wear it.”

Both Kili and hisband director looked over to find Fili Durin standing there, blond hair slickedback so not a strand was out of place and his own tie neatly in place aroundhis neck.

While the banddirector let out a relieved sigh, Kili stared wide eyed at the coolest kid inthe band. Fili was a year older than Kili and could pretty much play anyinstrument, but he was mainly their only First Clarinet. He was better thananyone else in the band, and Kili had heard rumours that he even played for ahigh school band sometimes. This, of course, made him the coolest person ever.

“Fili, if you canget him to wear his tie, I’ll consider letting you skip practice for the restof the week.” The director handed the material off to the other student beforemoving along to the next crisis that was beginning to happen in the trumpetsection.

Kili fidgeted, facered as Fili looked at him and grinned. They’d never actually had a conversationbefore. Kili was the opposite of cool and could barely play Third Flute letalong First.

“What do you haveagainst ties?” Fili asked even as he stepped closer, straightening the materialin his hands.

Kili wrinkled hisnose, focusing on the tie instead of Fili so that hopefully he’d stop blushing.“They choke me…and they make me look like a dork.” He admitted, but Fili waswearing a tie so they couldn’t be so bad, right?

The blond laughedeven as he held both ends of the tie and threw the loop over Kili’s head, handsimmediately folding it into a proper knot. “The tie isn’t what makes you looklike a dork, you dork.” Fili’s grin softened the insult, and the sight ofdimples on the other boy’s cheeks was enough to make Kili return the grin.“There. If it starts to choke you, just tug down like this.” He explained as hedemonstrated just how to tug the knot.

To Kili’s surprise,the tie didn’t feel too tight at all, and he was able to slide the knot quiteeasily without it coming apart on him. “Thanks.” He could actually wear it now.

“No problem.” Filipromised even as he ruffled Kili’s messy brown hair, making the younger boysqueak and bring his hands up to try to fix what had already been a mess. “Seeyou on stage dork!” Laughing, Fili made his way back to where he’d been settingup his own instrument.

***

“Fili! Help me!”Kili whined from somewhere deep in his closet, clothing getting tossed out andonto the floor. “I don’t know what to wear!” He stumbled out, a t-shirt wrappedaround his neck and a pair of shoes tangled around one ankle.

The blond stretchedout across his bed looked up from his science textbook with an amused grin.“Clothing is always a good choice. That shirt really brings out your eyes.” Heteased, motioning to the shirt around Kili’s neck.

The brunet groanedas he unwrapped it and flung it to the floor. “I’m serious. This is my firstdate and I want to make a good impression! Help me!” Kili literally got down onhis knees and walked to the bed, holding his clasped hands up as hedramatically pleaded to his best friend.

Fili rolled his eyesat Kili’s dramatics – they were teenagers. Dramatics were an everyday thing.“You’re taking Tauriel to the school dance, right?”

“Duh.” Kili rolledhis eyes because that was obvious. “I wish you were going too.” He muttered,allowing his arms to flop along the bed and Fili’s legs.

“Can’t. Gotta study.You know how my dad is.” It had been Fili’s excuse since the dance wasannounced, but Kili knew better. Fili’s father might have been a little bit ofa hardass when it came to his son’s grades, but he still would have let Fili goto a dance.

Deciding not to pushthe subject lest he upset his friend, Kili sighed. “You’re such a nerd.” Hebreathed out, “So help me then. I don’t want to look like a dork when I show upto meet Tauriel.” He mumbled into the mattress as he looked up at the otherboy.

“Well, too late forthat. You’re already a dork.” Fili smirked and reached over to ruffle Kili’shair, laughing when the reaction was a pitiful whine and a lazy swipe of one ofKili’s arms. “But I guess I can help you look less like one.” He decided as heclimbed off the end of the bed and moved over to the closet to look. “Oh god…doyou expect me to work miracles with this stuff?” He huffed even as he reachedinto the space and pulled a few hangers aside.

“Fili.” Kili flopped onto the bed,blankets still warm and still lingering with the scent of the blond. “You’re somean to me.” He complained petulantly.

“You make it soeasy.” Fili stepped away, an outfit held up so Kili could see. “Wear this.”

Kili looked at theoutfit and then looked at Fili. “You can’t be serious. That’s a suit.”

“Thank you CaptainObvious. You’re going to a formal youidiot. Nice suits and fancy dresses. You know Tauriel’s putting a lot of effortinto this.” Fili moved over to the bed where Kili lay, holding out the hanger.“I heard Eowyn say they’re getting their hair done and everything. You don’twant to look like a loser in jeans and a grubby t-shirt when she’s dressed likea princess, do you?”

Kili chewed his lip.Fili had a very good point and he reallywanted to impress Tauriel. He’d been crushing on her for two years and hadfinally gotten the courage to ask her out thanks to Fili’s encouragements.“You’re going to make me wear a tie with this aren’t you.” Brown eyes narrowedat the innocent smile on the blond’s face.

“Yep!” Fili chirpedhappily as he laid the suit out on the bed so Kili could change. He knewexactly where Kili kept the one tie he’d received from his grandmother oneChristmas before high school and moved over to the dresser to dig it out.

Kili groaned butrelented, getting up and changing into the suit. He was surprised it fit sincehe hadn’t worn it in forever. He looked up to find Fili staring at him, and whenthe blond realized it, he smiled and brought the tie over.

“You look good.”Fili promised as he looped the tie around Kili’s neck because Kili had neverlearned how to tie one, and besides, he kind of liked Fili doing it for himanyway. It was how they’d met and became friends after all. It was tradition.“You still look like a dork, but at least you’re a better dressed dork.”

“Thanks!” Kililaughed even as he punched Fili’s shoulder.

“You’d be lostwithout me.” Fili smirked as he pulled the knot up to Kili’s neck, wiggling thematerial until it sat in the right place. “There.” He insisted, “Dressed toimpressed.”  And then Fili did somethingthat neither expected; he kissed the end of Kili’s nose.

They both paused fora moment and stared at each other with wide eyes, blushes slowly beginning tocreep across their cheeks.

It was Fili whoshook himself out of it first and he rolled his eyes at himself, “Oh fuck it.Just have fun, alright? Do you have Tauriel’s corsage?”

“Fun. Yeah.” Kili wasmore focused on the fact that his nose was tingling than what Fili was saying.Until terror struck him hard, “Oh shit! The corsage!”

“Whoa!” Fili’s handson Kili’s shoulders were the only thing grounding the brunet. “Pretty sure yourmom stuck it in the fridge downstairs. Don’t panic, Kee. Things will work out.”He promised, and Kili hoped he was right.

***

Things with Taurieldidn’t end up working out, but things with Fili, on the other hand, did. Kilieventually learned the real reason why Fili hadn’t wanted to go to the dance,and it had pretty much changed their lives.

***

“You’re making mewear a bloody tie?” Kili looked at his boyfriend, stricken to the core as Filithreateningly held the tie in his hands. He wasn’t sure how exactly holding a tie was threateningly, but he feltthreatened.

“I let you get awaywith it at my graduation, but you’re not getting away with it for your own.”Fili insisted. Fili had always been a year ahead of Kili and had graduated theyear before. It had been lonely finishing the last year of high school withoutbeing able to see his best friend in the halls at school or being able to sitwith him at lunch or during band practices and concerts. “Your grandmother willwant pictures and you know she’ll be ecstatic if she sees you all dressed up.”

“Really?” The brunetlaughed as he surrendered and allowed Fili to loop the tie around his neck.“You’re using my grandmother as anexcuse?” He teased as he leaned forward, stealing a few kisses as Fili tried toconcentrate on tying the stupid tie. “Fee~” He sang triumphantly as he noticedthe tips of Fili’s ears turning red. “Fili.” He said more calmly, but the largeshit eating grin that had blossomed on his face wouldn’t go away. He grabbedFili’s hips even as the tie was tied.

“I find you hot in asuit okay?” Fili finally admitted, glancing up at Kili once as he slid the knotto rest just right around Kili’s neck.

This was news toKili, but pleasant news all the same. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You candress me up any time you want as long as you promise to undress me later.” Heeven wiggled his eyebrows for effect, and he got the reaction he was lookingfor.

Fili laughed, “JesusChrist you dork. But at least you’re my dork.” He shook his head beforegrabbing the tie and pulling Kili to him. A kiss was bestowed upon the tip ofKili’s nose, because along with Fili always being the one to tie Kili’s tie,the kiss had become tradition too. Another kiss was pressed to his mouth anddeepened rather quickly. When they pulled apart, they were both a littleflushed and out of breath. “Proud of you.” Fili murmured against his lips evenas their noses rubbed together.

“Thanks.” Kiligrinned, proud of himself too, and happy that things were moving along. The twoplanned on finding a place and moving out together, and who wouldn’t be excitedabout that? “Love you, you know?”

“I love you too.”

***

“Oh my god, Filino!” Kili cried as he let his shoulders slump in defeat as the blond grabbedhim and dragged him closer so that he could swing a tie around Kili’s neck.

Fierce blue eyesglared at him, daring him to put up a fight. Kili wasn’t that brave. “You are wearing a tie to my wedding, Kili,or else you’re no longer invited.” Fili’s voice was firm and all business.

The brunet grinnedeven as he straightened enough to make Fili’s job easier. “Fee, if I don’t showup to the wedding, you won’t be marrying anyone.” He pointed out cheekily,rocking back on his heals just a little because he couldn’t make it that easy, especially not when he wasalready filled to the brim with excitement.

They were getting married.

“Oh, I’m sure Icould find someone who wants to marry me.” Fili mused as he finally finishedwith the tie, straightening it more than it had to be because he was nervousand wanted things to be perfect. “I get along with your cousin. Maybe he’d beinterested.”

Kili reached up andtook a hold of Fili’s hands before his ‘fixing’ ended up untying the materialand starting all over again. “As if I could let you marry Gimli, oh my god no. I’ll wear the tie.” He promised before hebrought his fiancé’s hands up so he could kiss them both. “I’d wear a dress ifit meant marrying you.”

Fili snickered, butKili could tell he was pleased. “The tie will do.” He leaned forward and Kiliclosed his eyes, grinning at the soft press of lips to the tip of his nose. “Readyto spend the rest of our lives together?”

“So ready.”

The door to the roomthey were getting dressed in burst open and a rather frazzled redheaded maid ofhonour stood in the doorway. “Come on you two, are you getting married orwhat?” Tauriel demanded.

And the weddingbegan.

***

Kili was choking.The tie around his neck was way too tight and he couldn’t breathe. It felt likehe was suffocating around the large lump in his throat that wouldn’t go awaynot matter what he tried.

He hooked a fingerin the material and pulled, attempting to loosen it. His mother had tied it andit was uncomfortable and too tight.

“I can’t breathe.”He managed to gasp before all but collapsing on the floor where he stood; theworld beginning to dim as air refused to pass through his lungs.

“Kili. Kili, you’repanicking.” A voice said from far away but it wasn’t the right voice, it wasn’tFili. “It’s okay, just let it happen.” There was the vague sensation of a handrubbing along his back. “I think he just needs a moment. Can everybody give ussome privacy, please?”

A moment? No. Heneeded a lifetime. He couldn’t do this. This wasn’t happening. He was trappedin a nightmare and couldn’t get out. Theywere supposed to spend the rest of their lives together.

“Oh baby.” Hismother was beside him, hands too warm within his own. He felt so cold now.“Just let it happen.” She repeated, used to these panic attacks that had onlyrecently started.

Started since…

“Mom.” He finallymanaged to croak out. “I can’t do this.” He forced the words passed the lumpstill sitting in his throat. “I can’t do this. Please don’t make me do this.”He begged, his voice trembling and breaking into a sob.

“Oh honey.” Shewrapped him up in a hug, rocking him a bit in an attempt to soothe. “I wish itworked that way, baby. I hate seeing you suffer so much.” She kissed the top ofhis head and squeezed him a little tighter. “But you don’t have a choice,sweetie. You have to be strong. Fili would have wanted you to be strong.”

It was hearing thename that finally pushed the lump out of his throat, and Kili burst into messyheart shattering sobs.

How was he supposedto be strong when the only person he’d ever loved lay in the next room in afucking coffin?

He clung to hismother helplessly as his body was racked with grief. “H-how does a-anyoneexpect m-me to go on w-without him?” He whimpered into his mother’s shoulder,soaking her black dress with his tears.

Her fingers combedthrough his hair, her own voice wet with tears. “Nobody expects you to doanything right away, baby.” She promised, “You mourn him for as long as youneed, but then you take it one day at a time. Fili wouldn’t want you to be sadforever.”

“Then he shouldn’thave fucking died!” Kili almost shouted but his voice was muffled in hismother’s shoulder. “He shouldn’t have died…” He repeated brokenly, wishing hecould wake up and have Fili sleeping beside him.

But he’d never havethat again. Kili’s nightmare had just begun.

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