#anyway. Dee my beloved <3

[dee-in-the-box]

thinking. about the way i write Dee.

like, think about it: she probably spent the most time around Jack when she was alive, since we know Peter moved out at some point, and that means that Jack would've been the main guy taking care of her. we all know how Jack is. who's to say he didn't rub off on her a bit?

(also thinking about how she said "I didn't go down easily the first time, either!" and "To call my death clean would be to call Fredbear "big-boned."" because. It Gives Me Thoughts.)

like. i always project onto her a little bit. she gives off the vibes that she would've been a "weird girl" (read: autistic) when she was alive. like, she's generally off to herself, she's generally off doing odd things during recess, like watching cool bugs move around or swinging by herself while humming. sometimes she just kinda. stands around and watches everyone else. not because she's trying to be creepy, she just finds it fun. (< i did the "Stand To The Side And Watch Everyone Else Play" thing when i was little. also the swinging.)

she'll stare off into space for several minutes, and it concerns quite literally Everyone else besides Peter and Jack ('cause they Also do that). she'll just sit down and happily draw cats and Nothing Else for like an hour and she'll be like "ooo that was fun! :D"

she fidgets with her scarf when she's overwhelmed or nervous. she kicks her legs under the table. she hums various nursery rhymes.

and now, onto Dee being Chaotic As Hell!

i think Jack lets her swear. with permission. i mean, canonically speaking, she has sworn before, and has no problems with others swearing around her. like, imagine this five-year-old girl, all dressed up nice, just talking to you about cats like "so yeah, I think cats are cool as FUCK-"

given that this was still during a time where young girls were taught/expected to be nice, polite, quiet, and just generally not draw attention to themselves. Dee fits most of these...but she has to remind herself to be polite, because dear lord, is it hard to not call people assholes to their faces sometimes-

Jack would sometimes take her to work at the Diner, and she'd have to (as nicely as possible) make it clear to Henry that she wanted to be left the fuck alone. she doesn't trust this man, and she doesn't want to interact with him more than she has to.

(also, fun fact! my headcanon is that Dee fought back hard as she was being murdered. we're talking kicking, scratching, and biting Henry. and when i say bite, i don't mean she gives a moderate-strength bite that leaves a temporary-ish mark, i mean she bites him hard enough to break the skin.)

and i think this would extend to after her death! Dee knocking stuff off of tables like a cat while making eye contact with Henry and/or Dave! her just causing general chaos as a ghost!!

like, didn't Henry basically say that he was trying to trap Dee because she was causing so many problems? how much trouble was she causing in the short time between her death and when Henry basically forced her to possess the Puppet? apparently enough to where he went "Yeah, we need to take care of this, like, as soon as fucking possible."

like!! give me chaotic Dee!! she deserves it!!

[askthekirbysquad]

When I think about it, the Wii Kirby games have a trend of giving you a little hub world of sorts to hang out in.

And they were absolutely fuckin' right to do so.

[arklay]

RESIDENT EVIL → DR. DIANA WESKER

but i will transcend and vomit this loser out of me i will become the next big thing

[template]

[gregmarriage]

the thing with both me and my brother being into always sunny, is there are parts where i straight up can’t talk about it with him. i can’t talk about mac being in love with dennis (even though it’s canon), i can’t talk about dtamhd being a allegory for dennis possibly (rcg, i’m in your walls) accepting his sexuality, because he doesn’t get it!! he’s my irl go to person for media shit and i can’t even talk to him!!

[tmntxthings]

Well since we already have 3/4 of the turtle brothers on this 'kissing exercise' saga, I guess it'd only be fair if we got our beloved box turtle in the game too, now wouldn't it?👀 *wink wink nudge nudge*

Sweet like Honey

author’s note: ;D ;D anon is right, it’s only fairrrr, it only makes senseeee, <3 MIKEY VERSION <3 also, honey by derivakat influenced this entire drabble

warnings: uncontrollable fluff, fluff to the max, tooth rotting fluff, love at first sight, unedited

> leo’s < > donnie’s < > raph’s <

—————————————————————————

If Michelangelo is considered to be the heart, or the sun, of his family, then you would be his. You were his sun. You were his heart. His brothers always teased him at how they had thought he had been happy before you came around. Now, it was double, no triple the amount of happiness. Mikey could float, sometimes quite literally, whenever you were around, you made him that happy.

He’s definitely the type of boyfriend to always change your nickname. Mikey’s went through a couple already, my joy, sweets, honey, but mainly you were his baby.

And he had known you were the one as soon as the two of you met. That night, out of all his brothers he went to Donnie’s lab, knowing he would definitely be up. “Dee? You got a moment?” Mikey knew how he felt, he was Dr. Feelings after all, but it helped to voice them. And Donnie, the more rational one, could reign in Mikey’s urges to just straight up confess the next moment he saw you. It would be too soon, way too soon, not for Mikey but definitely to you who just found out mutant turtles even existed.

“Yeah, I can spare you a moment or two, I needed to take a break anyways.” Donnie who had been hunched over a project was now putting his tools down and stretching out, probably stiff from having been in such a position for too long. “Well, I just- I don’t know, needed someone to talk to.” Mikey said standing before his older brother as he tried to piece together words. Maybe he was a tad nervous to admit his feelings aloud for the first time.

Donnie was paying attention immediately, grabbing a stool that had been pushed underneath his worktable and placed it in front of Mikey for him to use. Mikey sat down, knees bouncing, it seemed he couldn’t be still. “About what?” Donnie prompted, an eyebrow raising. “Just you know… Y/n..” and as soon as he said your name his face broke into an infectious grin. “What about Y/n?” Donnie was holding back a small smile, he had noticed his brother’s reaction to meeting you.

He had completely frozen, like a deer in headlights. Then he was in motion just as quickly as it happened, introducing himself, approaching you with big smiles and easily taking your hand as you held it out in greeting. After April had carted you away, promising for more meetups in the future, the purple turtle had turned back to Mikey to see him looking down at his hand.

Unbeknownst to everyone else your touch gave him tingles. Even after the 10 minute intro he still felt tingly sensations as he looked at his hand full of joy and wonder.

“Dee I think, well no I know that I like them. A lot. And I don’t know what to do!” Mikey said quickly. Donnie didn’t seem too shocked which only made Mikey worry that everyone including you, already knew how he felt. “You did just meet them Angelo, why don’t you just pump the brakes and get to know them a little better?”

Mikey slumped at this, he had guessed that was what Donnie would say. But it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted someone to affirm his feelings, tell him to go for it, to not be scared and maybe you even felt the insane attraction too. “Yeahhh, so how long should I wait?” Mikey couldn’t help but ask, sure he wanted to get to know you more, but he just had this feeling that he’d love everything about you, and it would only make it that much harder to keep his feelings a secret. “I’d give it a month-“

“A MONTH?” Mikey yelped as he fell off of the stool. He had thought at worst two weeks. At best one week! But a whole month?! He groaned from his fallen spot on the floor. Donnie’s chair rolled over and he peered down at his orange brother, “that’s what I would suggest, yes, but I doubt you’ll be able to stick to it if this is your reaction.”

With that Mikey was trying to explain, he told Donnie all of the things that made him just instantly fall for you. Not just your appearance but the way you carried yourself, he could tell you were a great person, with an even awesomer personality, and bonus points because you were friends with April! If April trusted you then it was just like icing on top of a seven layer cake.

Donnie had turned back to his project, humming his replies but mainly not paying much attention. Mikey got the hint after a while and made his way to the lab door. “Thanks Dee, I feel better!” And Mikey meant it, it felt good to speak his mind, even if it was probably a good idea to wait. “No probbles,” Donnie said throwing up a hand in goodbye as the lab door closed. Mikey would wait, he’d be patient, and hopefully, after getting to know you more, you’d feel the same way as him.

[ One Month Later ]

“Mikeyyyyyy~!” The turtle only had seconds to react as he opened his arms to catch you. “Hi gorgeous!” He mused, nuzzling his snout into your neck as he held you tightly. “This is just perfect! A picnic on the rooftop?! You are the best date planner ever” you beamed as he set you back down. Though he wasn’t letting go of one of your hands as he smiled right back at you, “why thank you! I made everything myself too heh,”

You were immediately skipping forward, over to the blanket and picnic basket. “Chef Michelangelo Ramsay?! Made me picnic delicacies?” He squeezed you hand, before letting go as he waggled his brow bones and opened the basket. Your nose was hit with delicious aromas that could only mean a full belly to come. “Smells absolutely divine Mike!” And he was blushing as he handed you a triangle sandwich, starting with finger food appetizers. He felt those same electric shocks when your fingers touched. He was off explaining the ingredients he used and handing you more food, napkins, and pulling out waters/sodas too.

And just like you had expected, your belly was full as you laid on your back looking up at the few sparkling stars above. “Hey, have I ever told you how happy I am to have met you?” You said aloud, still gazing at the stars. Mikey turned his face towards you, hearts in his eyes, “yeah, you tell me all the time!” he teased but it was true, you told him every other day. “Good, cause I mean it,” you said with a smile as you turned to meet his eyes.

This was the moment. The moment Mikey had been preparing for, his first kiss. And yet he couldn’t move forward, he wanted to so desperately and his eyes conveyed the message as they flitted down to your pretty lips. So you initiated, it was soft and fleeting, and you pulled away far too quickly for his liking. But that got him moving, chasing after your lips and catching them in a rush.

But by golly now he didn’t know what to do. What had you done? Soft kisses! He mimicked your earlier actions, leaving multiple soft kisses on your lips, unable to stop. That was until you cradled his face, holding him still as you kissed him long and hard, this one not as shy. It was more passionate and left the two of you gasping for air afterwards. “C-can I? Again?” Mikey breathed out, eyes darting up to yours for assurance. “Mhm yeah,” you said after catching your breath.

Mikey didn’t have the words, to describe how amazing kissing you felt. But it was like holding sunshine, and all the good feelings buzzing around quieted enough for him to feel an encompassing amount of love. “I-“ he kissed you, “love-“ once more, longer drawing it out “you,” and he punctuated the word with a final kiss. “You’re too freaking cute.” You moved above him peppering kisses all over his face as you told him again and again. I love you.

—————————————————————————

[the-acid-pear]

thought about the fact that it's been said, twice in Dsaf, that Dee fought back as she was being murdered.

once by Dee herself ("I didn't go down easily the first time, either!"), and the second time during a cutscene in the second game between Henry and Dave ("Henry...Why can't you just do it yourself?" "She keeps struggling.")

like. i feel like we don't talk enough about the fact that Dee fought back hard enough that Henry decided to get Dave involved. which makes it canon that Dave wasn't involved originally.

that also just shows that!! Dave wasn't lying when he said that he tried to talk Henry out of it!! that he didn't like, nor wanted, to kill her!! does that change the fact he helped? no, but still!!

anyways. Dee my beloved <3

i'm fully of the belief that she bit Henry at least once.

- dogboyjackkennedy

YEAH FR Dee wasn't even like. A big kid either. Like she was just a tiny skinny soon to be 6 year old and she was fighting this fucking VETERAN who def kept some strength since he was constantly working with big ass robots. Like Dee was fucking goated.

Also yeah Dave's whole..... Upsetness over the happening is always SO sad even when it's brought up on the Flipside and he starts freaking out it's like WUGJHF </3333

[reveluving]

It's missing Rick hours, so why not talk about Rick and (Y/N) (crazy) family fluff!

warnings: fluff & humour!

a/n: Dysfunctional but lovable family fluff >>> Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I had fun thinking about it! Don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

check out my j. kinnaman m.list for more Rick content!

Do you guys remember the Dee Dee twins from Batman Beyond? I know they're supposed to be Harley's granddaughters but imagine if this takes place post-TSS events, and yes, Rick lives, okay?

He's always been—mf engaged to (Y/N) the second he woke up from unconsciousness and has lived together in a quiet lil' neighbourhood since.

But anyways!

I can't stop thinking about them being Harley's goddaughters or protégés instead, and one day, she begs you and Rick to take care of them for the week while away for a once in a lifetime gig. 

“You listen to your aunt (Y/N) and uncle Rick while I’m gone!” She’d say, though, she should’ve known better than to think her own carbon copies, of all people, would listen. 

I can just imagine you and the girls being joined at the hip, telling them stories from your days as a criminal, even if you’ve left that life behind. Rick’s the ‘grumpy uncle’ they love to annoy. But! They may be opposites, but the second someone talks bad about you?

Rick will see red, no doubt, but if he hears the girls discuss on how to get rid of the loud-mouthing pos, he wouldn't encourage it. But he sure as hell won’t stop them either—these are Harley girls we’re talking about; it’s not like they listen to him all the time. And, well, if they proceeded with whatever they had in mind, well, the bastard deserved it, didn’t he? Nobody really liked Mr Walker anyway.

What they'd do throughout the week their beloved aunt (Y/N) and uncle Rick, a headcanon:

Switching conversation topics when they're bored at the flower shop you work at. One second, it would be about the flowers, which, let's be honest, they're barely listening to, only to excitedly ask about what crimes you've done were the most memorable ones. Without the presence of customers, of course.

Pranking or scaring away any women who visits Rick's workplace solely for the purpose of gawking or flirting with the man, despite knowing he's married. A simple hiss or a quick display of the baseball bat they had with them ("We like playing baseball, don't we, Dee Dee?" "Yes, we do, Dee Dee!) and the visitor's out of the door!

Not once have you nor Rick seen these two play baseball.

They just really love their aunt (Y/N) and uncle Rick, okay!

BONUS: If you also have to babysit Bruce the hyena, the twins would sneak him out of the house at 3 AM, purposefully messing with Mr Walker's front yard and making sure he sees it. He didn't see the girls, however, so, when he tells his neighbours about a hyena on the loose, most of them just he was the one with the loose screws.

I initially thought Rick would work as a lumberjack, but, imagine if he was the sheriff of the neighbourhood?? Mr Walker calls him to complain about the hyena problem, obviously unaware of the culprits silently snickering at one another as they watch him desperately demand for 'justice'.

"Mr Walker, I personally don't think it's possible for a hyena to cross the city undetected for the sole purpose of terrorising just your garden," Rick responded calmly, though, he was unable to bite back the condescending hint in his words, "But, we'll look into it."

Once Walker's out, looking more stressed now that even the sheriff himself was looking at him funny, Rick would glance at the twins, raising a questioning brow at their futile attempts to look innocent before returning to his report.

"Good job." He'd say nonchalantly, and rather than looking peeved or disappointed, they spotted the small smile on his face. He didn't bother turning when they high-fived.

But other than the fact that he's been cockblocked since their arrival, and honest to God, it's been driving him nuts, they've made your and his days much livelier than the usual.

I can see it now; you're all watching TV, Rick holding you against him with one arm around you while he leisurely pets Bruce's mane with the other. Similar to the beloved house hyena, the twins sat on the floor in front of you, listening to them cheer for the antagonist and argue about what's for breakfast tomorrow.

Yes, the Flag's were quite the household, it seems.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚ 

[distant-screaming]

oneyearofmsp day 4 yippee!! halfway through the week! man. why is time so fast. anyway this is also very on time what are you talking about haha. don't look at the clock

first fic for today - tiwpor my darling beloveds!!

tiwpor are incredibly silly and fun to write, they're very stress relief writing sjfjdjc. this is one of the fics that I wrote with no thoughts only vibes, the vibes being Fluff + Idiots, so it turned out surprisingly well! por is sooo endearing and heartcelled instead of braincelled. guy of all time to be honest!!

aaand fic of the day part two - second person pov tinngun!

'second person pov, dee? in my tinngun fic?' you ask. 'that's kinda weird.' yeah :) this one was a super experimental exploration, both of the pov and future tinngun! the idea struck my fancy and so I wrote it - I think it's one of my favourite fics in terms of style experimentation 👀 I think future tinngun is sooo [incomprehensible noises] love them <3

[starglitterz]

serendipity. (ii)

─── chapter 2 ! ~  i feel like i know you (i sure hope not)

summary; when you, a waitress at the local coffee shop, are paired up with the new recruit scaramouche, you’re pretty sure both of you are going to get fired within a week. he’s just quit being a social media influencer and after being forced to work here to make ends meet, he’s ready to let everyone there know how much he hates it. the worst part? you can’t shake the feeling that you know him from somewhere. but as he slowly warms up to you, scaramouche realises that having a fresh start isn’t that bad after all, and perhaps the two of you meeting like this was pure serendipity.

a/n; HII beloved serendipity enjoyers !! it has been a Long while unfortunately despite my many promises to update frequently... i'm rlly sorry, i was vv busy irl :( but anyways ! i hope you all enjoy this chapter !! make sure to lmk what u think hehe <3

as always, reading order is:

1 2

3 4

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog w comments ! it helps a lot :)

#SCARAMOUCHE'S PHONE

private messages (1) !

private messages (2) !

twitter !

#Y/N'S PHONE

groupchat !

taglist (open) ; @kunikuzushiit / @scarakitty / @xiaophobic / @sashiette / @van-chii / @killuixz / @afchicken / @mikctp / @boba-is-a-soup / @sakushoujo / @achy-boo / @dee-zbignuts / @milza12 / @r0ttenhearts / @arraxthatsonjah / @abvolat / @elixirthe3rd / @beriiov / @kye-co / @2dmenarehot / @plinkuro / @infinn-toru / @boochandesu / @linn-a-a / @layla240 / @monocae / @chuduchok / @reminiscentbelle / @exhaustedcommunist / @alysialuv / @lxry-chxn / @barbatosfavouritenun / @ireallylikehamsters

urls in bold can't be tagged. send an ask to be added !

© starglitterz 2022. do not repost or modify in any way.

[welcome-to-the-shit-library]

ok so @distant-screaming tagged me in this music . Thing so ty dee <33 let’s get to it!

🎶 Rules: You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs, and then tag ten people. No skipping!

Woag ok I’m just gonna do my . Liked songs ig ?

1. About a Bruise - Iron and Wine

I love this song sm !!! It. Ok idk how to explain it but it tastes like figs and honey and I’m not elaborating on that. Anyways girls when tenderness to you was how to talk about a bruise

2. Family - Joe Hisaishi

HOWLS MOVING CASTLE SOUNDTRACK MY BELOVED. I. Have nothing else to say but it’s just so peaceful <333

3. Constellations - The Oh Hellos

!!!!! The fucking . Lyrics on this song. The Vibe. Everything about it. I need to like sit in the woods for a while idk just listen to it just trust me bro

4. トリコロージュ (Tricologe) - N25

OK OK LISTEN. I have all of the Project Sekai albums in my liked songs because honestly? They slap . Listen to the prosekai versions of songs I promise you I’m not biased

5. Daydreamer - The Crane Wives

I love the like. Comforting feeling of this song. It’s like. I can listen to this while sad and I’ll feel better ! But it’s not like . Sugary sweet happy it’s just. Kind and grounding :]

6. Unraveling- The Crane Wives

2 TCW SONGS BACK TO BACK BABY !!! Unsurprising tbh . Anyway this song is like it feels like a folktale. Does that make sense like the Vibe is like . a story you get told ?

7. How to Be a Heartbreaker - MARINA

That’s a tone shift. From the last one but I’m not complaining. Anyway this is like. The ultimate karaoke song to me idk . Like fuck yeah we’ll have him falling for a stranger a player singi

8. Another Try - HAIM

HAIM was like. The first band I ever saw in concert I’ve been listening to them forever and they are still pretty high on my fav artists !! All of their songs just have like. Such an Energy

9. Let You Break My Heart Again - Laufey

I love Laufey. So much. Me when one day I will stop falling in love with you one day someone will like me like I like you

10. Everyone - Mitski

ough. Wouldn’t be a complete list without a mitski song I think. anyway listen to her music at the right time of night to unlock the Secret Emotions

🎶Rules: When you get this, list 5 songs you’ve been listening to & tag people.

Ok ! So I’m going to my like. The songs I’ve been listening to the most RECENTLY ?? I think. So let’s see ! (Also i reached the audio limit so just search these yourself )

Out of My League - Fitz and the Tantrums

Therefor You and Me - si-o

Scatterbain - Emei

Clusterhug - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Nobody - The Crane Wives

All of these are great go listen to them 👍 anyway yeag

Alright now. 10 people uhhh -

@teabreaking @summerf0x @veebee130 @tastyfren @gemsandjunk @shadow-and-purgatory @shirtdraws @kookiecamera @drysauce @sapphire-wine @ everyone else !

[dee-in-the-box]

so. remember this au that i created? where Dave saved Dee from getting murdered, so she's still alive?

one, the au has a name now! it's called SAVE HER!

and two! HERE'S THE GIRL HERSELF!!

she's 20 around the time the first two games take place.

she despises Henry, and wants nothing to do with him. doesn't stop him from trying to talk to her, anyway.

she has an eyebrow slit to match her brother.

she's wearing eye shadow.

she recognizes Peter, even if he doesn't recognize her.

she still has her scarf, even if it doesn't fit the vibes of her outfit.

she's just as chaotic as Jack is, and Dave being around does not help in making her any less chaotic.

she mostly just hangs around the restaurant while Dave and Jack try to do their jobs and deal with Henry's BS.

as mentioned in the original post (linked above), Dee mostly hangs around to try and cheer up the dead kids (as well as cause Problems for Henry)

anyway, Dee My Beloved <3

[malewifemanhunter]

thank u @headgehug for the ask~

what's my wallpaper, what's the last song I listened to and the last photo I saved

1) pathetic sweater paws dennis my beloved

2) saw it, thought macdennis, saved it

3).... its a good song ok??

anyways, I'm gonna tag @officialbillhader @stglennfucker @gothmacbro @lesbee-dee

@mcdens if u guys wanna do it too <3

[russianguyreactstothings]

daredevil (2015): season 1

a surprise to be sure but a welcome one!

we’ve got the russian mafia as villains for our boy matt murdock (of course we do, all russians know is drink vodka commit crime and lie). there’s a lot of extras speaking russian with...varying degrees of success, but compared to the mcu at least the average pronunciation is actually very good!

i’m gonna go into 3 characters we’ve got so far in season 1, starting with this guy who has very few lines and dies in episode 4:

semyon:

when we meet him, he’s impersonating a cop and he speaks perfect english! good for him, girlboss. i like that they didn’t give him an accent for that (wow, russian people can speak english).

then he pulls out his phone, talks to his bosses in russian thats a little stilted, but overall understandable.

my favorite part about this guy is that when our boy matt ties him up and starts interrogating him via knife to ocular nerve this guy starts screaming and babbling in english...with a russian accent. this is a small thing, but i really appreciate it because, yeah, your accent gets a lot thicker when you’re scared/angry/emotional.

good job, sioma, gone but not forgotten. 8/10

next up, we have my beloved tweedle-dee tweedle-dum brother duo, anatoly and vladimir!

vladimir: 

my beloved! man of all time!

i’m not sure if the actor is russian/slavic or not, but his pronunciation is PERFECT. he’s so good. i love him so much. 10/10, no notes. i was so scared they’d kill him off but no! (not yet, anyway) every russian character should be like vladimir, i’m obsessed with him.

anatoly:

thats kind of an old-person name, but i cant judge. also picky thing but he calls vladimir volodya, which is nice, thats the right diminutive, but afaik vladimir just calls him anatoly, which is kinda strange, thats your brother, come on now shorten it.

anatoly tries his darndest (before he gets fridged). his russian’s not fantastic, but he tries and that shows. i can understand everything he says. if he wasn’t in a duo with picture-perfect russian man vladimir i probably wouldn’t notice the ways he falls short as much, but overall 7/10

overall: 

listen i dont love the fact that we get the russian mafia for the umpteenth time, but i’ll take my wins where i can get them (and there’s literally every other nationality of mafia in this show too so...equality, i guess). 

most of the extras sound like native russian speakers! and the main cast are actually understandable! this might seem like a small thing but goddamn does that often not happen. russian characters are usually just props for the main cast, so i appreciate all the effort the show put in. 

a solid 8/10 for daredevil as a whole on its russian characters, i had a lot of fun

[galateaencore]

I love book asks 📚❤️

1. book you’ve reread the most times?

8. what is the first book you remember reading yourself?

14 do you ever mark/dog ear books you own?

19. most disliked popular books?

i love book asks too <3 thank you!

1. book you’ve reread the most times?

oof, that's a hard one. I'm not much of a rereader. The Erast Fandorin series, the Judge Dee mysteries, and some Agatha Christie novels, esp Poirot, are comfort reads that I've reread a few times but I couldn't say how many or which were more frequent.

8. what is the first book you remember reading yourself?

When I was 6 or so I had a book of fairytales of different cultures that was way too hard to read for me at that age but which had captivating illustrations, so I powered through the illustrated fairytales.

14 do you ever mark/dog ear books you own?

obligatorily.

19. most disliked popular books?

😱 not the spicy ask! i have far too many grievances to list efficiently, so i will speak in generalities (which will probably hint at the authors i dislike anyway).

a lot of contemporary science fiction/fantasy fails to leave me with that sense of wonder i get from LOTR or witcher or, like, master and margarita, blood meridian, murakami, and a lot of straight up non-fantasy works. it's most acute in that thin but overwhelmingly inane slice of the market that likes DnD-lite "hard magic" bs - it's giving excel sheet - which i think is characteristic of the overall malaise in contemporary SFF, where most of the genre engages with the possibilities offered by SFF worldbuilding only in a very superficial sense, and so the feel of these books is very mundane. a lot of stuff, esp debuts, also feels rushed and underbaked, and that plus all of the above has more to do with publishing economics than people's intelligence, effort, talent, etc, but still - it sucks enough that i'm very hesitant to pick up a new SFF author these days because i usually end up DNFing or wishing I'd DNFed.

a lot of litfic is milquetoast and at the same time so alien in its dilemmas and concerns to any person who has remotely real problems that, uh, it feels more fantastical than fantasy. and that again has to do with book economics and the customer for litfic, who are nice upper middle class women who unironically identify with the protagonist of beautiful world, where are you. but like, one day i found myself nodding along to alex perez's hobart interview, and that's when i knew something was wrong (possibly with me).

finally, i don't hate the Usual Suspects, your pynchons, dostoyevskys, camuses and the rest of them beloved by the 18-25 american white male crowd, but the discourse around them is 50% trad propaganda and 50% tankie propaganda. reading all the people on the times best novels list doesn't make you smart, or even educated.

thanks for coming to my tedtalk!

[thecourtscorkboard]

Turnabout Samurai (1-3)

When a famous actor is murdered, Phoenix Wright is called to defend another beloved children's actor—and the victim's rival—in Turnabout Samurai!

Turnabout Samurai (1-3) is the first three-day case in Ace Attorney, and the first case where Maya and Phoenix act as investigative partners as well as the first case where the murderer is not revealed up front. After the lead villain of famous TV show The Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo-Olde Tokyo is murdered, his rival is arrested for the crime! Does Turnabout Samurai get five stars or is does it bomb? Let's take a look!

THE CORE CAST:

Phoenix Wright: Phoenix Wright has suddenly become a household name in the world of law, becoming the first-ever person to best Miles Edgeworth and the man who took down Redd White.

Maya Fey: Phoenix's assistant and partner, taking his side for this trial. As a big fan of The Steel Samurai, this case means something personal to her!

Miles Edgeworth: Nursing his ego from his previous encounter with Phoenix, Edgeworth returns as this case's prosecutor. Perhaps this case means something to him as well...

Dick Gumshoe: Gumshoe returns as this case's resident detective! His mannerisms get really set in stone in this case, but we'll get to him.

THE MAIN CAST:

Will Powers: The defendant and a professional actor, currently playing the famous and eponymous Steel Samurai.

Dee Vasquez: The main director of The Steel Samurai and an aloof middle-aged woman who's hard to pin down. What's her deal, anyways?

Sal Manella: The creator of The Steel Samurai. That's all.

Cody Hackins: A juvenile superfan of The Steel Samurai and an amateur photographer. He'll play an important role in the future...

Wendy Oldbag: An old lady in charge of security at the TV set where The Steel Samurai is filmed. Has an obsession with actors and a love for authority. "Respect mah authoritah!"

THE SECONDARY CAST:

Penny Nichols: An assistant for the TV show and a fan herself.

Jack Hammer: The victim in this case, who played the Evil Magistrate—the main villain of The Steel Samurai!

A BRIEF RECAP

As night falls over Neo-Olde Tokyo, the Evil Magistrate and the Steel Samurai meet to do battle! The episode comes to an end, and Maya starts freaking out about how cool it was! Phoenix tells her to stop waving a broom around, and they decide to close the office for the day. The next morning, however, Maya calls Phoenix right as he's waking up. The Steel Samurai has been arrested on suspicion of murder!

"The pale moon cries for your blood!"

Investigation, Day One

Phoenix and Maya rush to the detention center, where they meet with the Steel Samurai's actor: a massive man with a massive neckbeard named Will Powers. Maya hilariously quips that he definitely killed somebody, maybe twice, and Phoenix shuts her up before asking Will what happened. Will explains that they ran a series of action sequences before he went to take a nap in his trailer. When he woke up, he was late for rehearsal: he went into the room and found a group of people gathering. They were gathering around Jack Hammer, the actor who plays the Evil Magistrate: he was dead, skewered by the Steel Samurai's Samurai Spear!

Running over to the Studio, they're stopped by a security lady who tells them that they'll need to come back with a letter of request signed by Powers. After returning to the detention center and confirming Will's alibi, they show his letter of request to the security lady (one Wendy Oldbag) and get permission to investigate the studios: and run into Detective Gumshoe! Maya rather hilariously insults him, and Gumshoe shoots back with one of my favorite lines in the game when Maya tries to pick up "pal". Gumshoe lays out the prosecution's case for Phoenix, essentially: the victim died at 2:30, and the only person seen going between Studio 1 (where Hammer died) between 1:00 and 2:30—Will Powers. He says that Oldbag can testify to this fact. Great. Gumshoe says that Oldbag gave him a vital piece of evidence: a photograph of the Steel Samurai walking to the scene of the crime, taken by a camera hanging on the gate. Gumshoe doesn't seem to confident about it, though. Maya and Phoenix get permission to talk to the rest of the employees, but there's something about the path that's off. A closed-off studio and a tree blocking the path to it? The statue's busted head apparently knocked it down. Hm...

There's nobody in the employee area of Studio One, so Maya and Phoenix decide to have a look around. They notice that the employees must've been eating, given that there's the remnants of a T-bone steak on the table. They also notice an opened vent: a kid could probably fit through the vent, and Maya notes that sneaking through the vent would be a good way to avoid paying for entry. Going into Will Powers's dressing room, they find a keycard to Studio One belonging to Will and some evidence supporting that he was taking a nap: a blanket and a pillow on his bed.

Moving to Studio One, they discover that this is where Jack Hammer was killed. There's an outline of his body on the ground, still in the Evil Magistrate costume. There's also a stepladder in the room that becomes our second running gag in the series! Maya tries to pick up one of the cameras but the camera technician gets mad at her: meet Penny Nichols, an assistant for Global Studios.

Fun fact: in every other piece of official art, including the anime and excluding only the WiiWare promotional art, the stripes on Penny's shirt are baby blue instead of brown.

She calls Will Powers WP, which is what I'm gonna start calling him from now on, and tells Phoenix and Maya to do what they can for WP. Phoenix notices that the spear stabbing didn't leave any bloodstains. Hm... that's a little bit odd, right? The costume could've absorbed some of it. (If you're watching the PixelPartners Let's Play like I am, Evan actually gets the reasoning dead-on! Super impressive for this early in the case!) Talking to Penny a bit more, she says that she was in the studio all day as the only assistant on duty. Penny says that the action sequences were done in the morning in the employee area, where WP's dressing room is. Jack then went to Studio One and WP went into his dressing room: this is corroboration that he went to take a nap, maybe? Penny says she can't confirm that WP was asleep, however. Darn! Penny says that there's been something bothering her, which Maya thinks must be a clue: Penny says that she's pretty sure somebody was there in the employee area. Somebody from outside! Could they have been the real murderer? Maybe they came through the broken vent we found earlier... in which case they'd be just a kid.

They go back to Oldbag, who confirms that WP was the only one who went through the gate. Maya gets a little overzealous, and Oldbag flips out about somebody complaining about the work she does. She storms off in a huff. Maya and Phoenix sneak into the security booth and print out a photograph. It's the Steel Samurai, limping, spear in hand down the gate to Studio One. It's definitely not a picture of WP, though! It also says that it's the second photograph: but it's the only one in the computer... what's going on here?

In any case, the investigation for today ends after getting our hands on that photograph.

Trial, Day One

Court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Will Powers! This is another trial day without a pre-trial lobby meeting. Edgeworth gives his opening statement and Edgeworth calls his first witness: Detective Gumshoe. Gumshoe lays out the crime in a more simplified form. Studio 2 was impossible to go into, and there were only three people in the studios the day the crime took place: Jack Hammer, WP, and Penny Nichols. After lunch, Jack went to Studio One. Wendy Oldbag got to the guard station after he went to Studio One, and a rehearsal was planned for 5:00. The rehearsal was cancelled, however, after Jack's dead body was found. He was killed at around 2:30 PM, and the Samurai Spear was determined to be the murder weapon. If you listen to Gumshoe's overview again, he just straight-up calls Phoenix "mentally challenged" which is just so out of character it circles back from being offensive to being hilarious.

Something already seems off about this to me. Edgeworth says that only one question really needs to be asked: "what did the security lady see?" Edgeworth tries to get Oldbag to tell the court her name, but she immediately starts flirting with Edgeworth. Edgeworth, now very embarrassed, tries to get Wendy to tell the court her name for a third time.

I'm surprised he's not downright blushing.

She tells the court about how her family name caused her so much embarrassment as a child and she was bullied as a young girl and she cried and cried because the captain of the chess club called her an "old bag" and she had a crush on him and him saying that to her made her so so sad and Edgeworth objects! Objecting to the witness's "talkativeness", His Honor immediately sustains his objection and tells Oldbag to, in Ali's words, "fucking chill the fuck out." Edgeworth wants to move on to the testimony, and the Judge confirms that somebody would have to pass by the security guard to get to the scene of the murder.

Oldbag testifies that she arrived at the guard station at 1:00. She was late because she had some errands to run, and stayed at the main gate until 5:00 PM. She claims that she saw WP walk past the security station and towards the gate. It seems pretty open-and-shut, but Phoenix begins his testimony pretty confidently. He points out that there's no bona-fide way of knowing it was WP. After all, the person that passed by the gate was someone in a Steel Samurai suit! Edgeworth overreacts, obviously still flustered from Oldbag hitting on him. Phoenix points out that there's no way of knowing that the person in the suit is WP. Oldbag says that she has proof that it's WP! Even Edgeworth is shocked: he didn't know about this! He's definitely off-kilter from losing in 1-2, I think. It turns out that Detective Gumshoe told her that the picture wasn't any good as evidence!

Oldbag's second testimony explains how she knew it was WP in that suit. WP took a nasty fall, you see, breaking one of the props and spraining his ankle. The Steel Samurai is dragging a bum leg in the picture, explaining how it's WP. In Phoenix's cross-examination, he learns that Penny was cleaning up backdrops and didn't know about Powers spraining his ankle. The prop that he broke turned out to be the Samurai Spear: the murder weapon, which Oldbag fixed with duct tape. He was dragging his foot when he walked after the tumble he took, and after pressing Oldbag enough Edgeworth ends the cross-examination. The Judge asks where the Steel Samurai costume is now, and Edgeworth explains that the police couldn't find it. He argues that doesn't matter, however: the person in the suit was still undeniably WP. Phoenix argues that this photo shows the Steel Samurai. It leaves room for doubt if it was genuinely WP! His Honor agrees and even makes a point that it could've been somebody not caught on camera. Edgeworth asks Oldbag to keep testifying. She says that nobody else was going to the studio, and the Judge says that it has to be the Steel Samurai who killed Will Powers. The main gate was locked before she returned, but Phoenix once again brings up the photograph. He confirms that the camera automatically takes a photograph whenever somebody passes by it. He also confirms that the computer records all camera data. The computer only held data for one photograph. So why is the photo in Phoenix's possession photograph number two?!

Is Oldbag hiding something?

So what happened to the first photo? Somebody erased the data: and it must've been Oldbag! She keeps insisting the only person she saw was WP, but the fact remains that two people walked by the gate! She calls out for Edgeworth's help, and after a brief moment of embarrassment he admits that he's got no clue what's going on either! For the first time in this game, I think it's made very clear that Phoenix has a massive upper hand in an argument. Oldbag has a momentary realization, and remembers "something": something like somebody passing by the main gate. Oldbag says that she goes through the photos on the computer and checks them all, throwing out photos that aren't suspicious. She threw out the first picture! Edgeworth is dumbfounded. As Phoenix begins cross-examining her, Maya says that she would've said this was a turn for the unexpected if she hadn't expected this. Remember this quote: it'll be relevant a few games from now, if only as a cool callback. Oldbag says she doesn't know how to back up the data, and she says that a fanboy was in the deleted photo. She calls Steel Samurai fanboys real freaks, which must've hurt Edgey-poo's heart. Anyways! She explains that they get information about the rehearsals and sneak into the studios. Phoenix objects, saying that Oldbag testified nobody else could get inside! She locked the main gate, after all! Oldbag explains that the fanboy snuck through a drain: and they're kids. Children. Whippersnappers, as she says. The erased photo wasn't a picture of a killer at all. It was a third grader! Edgeworth points out that it'd be damn near impossible for a third grader to wield the spear. His Honor calls a brief recess for both sides to consider this new information. Recess begins, and both sides retreat to their antechambers.

Phoenix asks WP if he was in his dressing room once more. WP triples down, and Maya asks who the Steel Samurai really was. Nobody really knows, however. The costume was in his dressing room: anybody could've walked in and taken it. I think we've already got an idea of who it was... after all, if only four people were there that day... hm. That's certainly a possibility. Phoenix lays out his strategy: he plans to stall for more time by picking out somebody who could've been the Steel Samurai and wasting the court's time to get another day.

Court reconvenes, and Edgeworth says that nothing has changed. He doubles down that nobody else could've possibly could've committed the crime! Phoenix disagrees with Edgeworth, saying that there is another person who could've killed the victim! His Honor warns that if he accuses somebody who is innocent, Phoenix will be penalized. Who is Phoenix accusing, then? Well, Oldbag, of course!

Sorry, Ol- er, Ms. Oldbag.

Phoenix's argument has two key points: she has no alibi and she knew that WP had injured his ankle. She used the Steel Samurai to disguise herself as WP and walk by the camera! Phoenix calls himself "Sherlock Holmes II", but since Herlock Sholmes was already a historical figure in Ace Attorney... is he calling himself the second coming of a fan character, maybe? That'd be funny. Anyways, Edgeworth isn't arguing back. Is he considering the possibility? He's got no objections. Maybe he just wants to get rid of Oldbag! Phoenix keeps pressing, using Edgeworth's own case against him! Neither her or WP have a motive, but Oldbag tries to pin blame on the boy. Phoenix immediately rules him out, though. After all, he couldn't get into the studio without a keycard! The spear is also way taller than a grade schooler: he couldn't have possibly taken it! Court is adjourned for the day...

...Until Oldbag speaks up! She says that she was told not to talk about something, something that shocks both Phoenix and Edgeworth. There were other people at the studios! The director, the producer, and some bigwigs! These people are all now reasonable suspects! It's now impossible to rule an impartial verdict on WP: reasonable doubt has been established and must be cleared up! Court is adjourned for real this time. Phoenix and Maya meet with WP, and Phoenix admits he doesn't think it was Oldbag. Court is over for the day, and it's back to the Studios for us!

Investigation, Day Two

Going back to the studios, Phoenix and Maya decide to go to Studio Two. Studio Two is pretty run-down compared to Studio One, with only a single trailer that looks more like a house. There's a light van outside of the cabin, an incinerator covered in soot, and a small flower garden. Notably, one of the fence's posts is tilted. The trailer is locked, but it looks like it's been here for a while. Penny's at the employee area, and the drain has been covered up with a piece of cardboard and some tape. Maya wants to rip the grate off: the grade schooler won't be able to get in with the cardboard covering it. Penny returns to the guard station, and after a while Phoenix and Maya meet back with her: Penny didn't see either the director or the producer, but the studios were apparently trying to protect someone. Penny says it's more the producer than the director. Odd.

Going back to Studio Two, there's a crash! It sounded like it came from inside the trailer. Is somebody in trouble? Or worse, is somebody committing a crime? With Penny still at the guard station, however, they can't go into the trailer. Going back to wandering around the studios, they eventually decide to go back to WP's dressing room to see if there's anything there they missed, and...

OMGWTFBBQ

Meet Sal Manella, whose name in Japanese roughly translates to "annoying otaku". The less said about this creep, the better. He's the creator and director of The Steel Samurai and unfortunately a major player in this case. He immediately starts trying to hit on Maya, who is 17 years old in this case (he is 32!!!), and is generally just a fucking pain to be around. But, hey, gotta deal with the cards we're given. Talking to Sal, he says that there was a meeting in the Studio Two trailer. He didn't get to eat lunch: the meeting lasted from noon to 4:00, so if his alibi can be corroborated he has a rock-solid alibi. He also gives us a bit more information about the producer. Her name is Dee Vasquez, and holds a lot of reverence from him. Apparently, Dee can corroborate his alibi. After all, she was the person he was meeting with. Phoenix asks about the bigwigs: the boss at the network, some sponsors, production guys... that's enough information for Phoenix, who decides to get the hell out of there. They run back to the main gate, and... it's Oldbag! Er, Ms. Oldbag. There's no way she could fit in the suit. The police tried. So Ms. Oldbag is not our murderer. Who could it be, then? Ms. Oldbag won't talk to either of them, so Phoenix and Maya decide to go back to the employee area... where a kid in bright green runs past them! Maya tries to talk to him, but he insults her. Cody Hackins introduces himself and Maya immediately starts talking Steel Samurai with him. Hoo, boy...

When it comes to the incident, however, he's oddly quiet. After a moment's hesitation, he says that the Steel Samurai "always wins": he says he saw everything, but he won't tell us! A small bottle was knocked off the table when he ran away. A bottle of sleeping pills? Hm... anyways, Oldbag is chasing after the kid. She trips and falls, and we take this time to stea– er, borrow a key from the security station. Specifically, the trailer key! Going back to the trailer, they meet a striking woman with a long pipe and a long face. Meet Dee Vasquez.

Probably my favorite villain design in this game. I really like the butterfly motif.

Dee Vasquez is a producer at Global Studios and the producer of The Steel Samurai. She's silent about the day of the murder, preoccupied with looking for a script. Specifically, Episode 13 of The Steel Samurai. She won't talk about anything else. Either she's really focused on that script... or she's stonewalling us. As they're leaving, Vasquez tells them to deliver something to Sal for her: a memo that simply says "bring the script for Episode 13". They give the memo to Sal, who begins to panic, and decide to look around places he might've been. Sure enough, they find it near the director's chair! Bringing it back to Vasquez, she says that the path out of Studio Two was blocked after the meeting until after 4:00. The Studio's mascot, Mr. Monkey's, head was blown off from very strong winds and blocked the path! Great. Now it's a real locked-room mystery! It couldn't have been WP, but he's the only person we know of that could've worn that costume and the other path to Studio One was blocked! Great. Vasquez takes them to the statue after Phoenix questions if the statue's head fell off after 2:30. The statue was also a clock (great). It announced the time in "ooks". The internal clock stopped when it broke, and Maya tells us that the clock stopped at 2:15. The path was blocked from 2:15 until after 4:00. Dammit! Everybody in Studio 2 seems to have an airtight alibi. Phoenix and Maya retire to the Wright and Co. Law Offices. No leads, no suspects, nowhere to go. It's a little early for giving up, somebody says...

Mom! Er, Chief!

It's Mia! Mia brings up that Cody still said that he saw something. That's their last lead! There has to be something they can do to get him to tell them the truth. They run into Oldbag at the Studio's gates again, who proudly proclaims that she has a "hostage". Mia brings up the idea of a trade, and Phoenix decides to give Oldbag the cardkey to Studio One in exchange for the hostage, which is a trading card. They run across Cody in the employee area, and he darts into the dressing room. Mia gets him to calm down, and Phoenix tries to trade him the card for information. Cody has another of the same card, though! Drat. Going back to the Studio Two Trailer, they run into Penny! She notices that Maya is a little different, but she can't really put her finger on it. In any case, Penny talks about "something" happening. She's staying quiet about something, though. Phoenix presents the Steel Samurai card to her. It turns out that Penny is a collector and is one card away from a complete set. The card that Phoenix has is the one she needs! She offers to trade with Phoenix: an Ultra Rare Premium Steel Samurai Card! They agree to trade, and Penny runs off as happy as ever. Going back to Cody, Phoenix trades him the Ultra Rare Premium Card for more information. Cody has an album of all the Steel Samurai's battles, the Path to Glory. He says that the Steel Samurai always wins, and Cody says he came through the woods to avoid being seen. After that... the Steel Samurai killed the bad guy with his Samurai Spear!

Uh-oh. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh! This is bad! This is really, really bad! We've got an eyewitness saying that he saw the Steel Samurai stab someone with his spear! This is not a good situation to end the second day of investigation on, but trial is tomorrow...

Trial, Day Two

The first witness that Edgeworth calls to the stand is none other than Mr. Sal Manella. Sal calls Edgeworth rude for asking his name and profession: turns out that Manella has an ego! Edgeworth is not impressed, and Sal Manella starts swearing and tells the court that he's a TV director. He confirms that he was at Global Studios on the day of the murder, and testifies about what happened. Mia brings up what it means if WP is innocent: somebody in the trailer must have done it.

Sal testifies that he came into the studios around 9 in the morning. He was doing an action scene run-through, and Manella had to skip lunch because of WP's twisted ankle. Phoenix thinks that's contradictory, though: after all, there were two plates in Studio Two! There was a break in the meeting after all! In his second testimony, Sal Manella claims that 15 minutes is not enough time to go to Studio One, commit murder, and come back. Phoenix ultimately admits that it was impossible for someone to go from the trailer to Studio One due to Mr. Monkey's head falling down.

Wanna try again, Edgeworth?

Sal is taken off the stand. Great. Is the trial over? Apparently not. His Honor claims that decisive evidence is still needed to prove that it was WP. Edgeworth claims to have that decisive evidence: an eyewitness! Great. It's Cody, isn't it? A brief recess is called. In the defendant's lobby, Phoenix tries to reassure WP, but even Mia's having her doubts about this case. She says that if WP is truly innocent, however, there has to be something overlooked that can prove it. The pill bottle and the Path to Glory are all we really have. Court reconvenes, and Edgeworth calls Cody Hackins to the stand. After a bit of elbow grease from both Edgeworth and Mia, Cody says that he's a second grader and Edgeworth asks for special permission for Cody to bring his camera in the courtroom. He's allowed to keep it, and Phoenix jots it down in the court record. Cody testifies that he got lost for maybe half an hour while going to the studios, but he saw the Steel Samurai take down "the bad guy". He says that he didn't have his camera, though.

Phoenix points this out: Edgeworth tries to call Phoenix out for pressuring a child, but Phoenix retorts that nobody should lie in court no matter if they're a child or a prosecuting attorney (which Edgeworth takes particular offense at!). Cody says that he did bring his camera, but he didn't take a picture because he was too busy watching. Phoenix grills Cody, but he's being intentionally vague: he points this out, particularly that Cody "couldn't take his eyes off the action" but missed the most important part. The murder itself! What kind of murder uses a "Samurai Slap", asks Phoenix? Cody never said anything about the bad guy being stabbed with a spear: punched, kicked, chopped, slapped, but never stabbed! The truth, of course, is that Cody didn't know how his new camera really worked. Cody missed the climax of the fight! That's the only explanation.

Phoenix asks Cody to testify again, specifically about his camera and why he didn't take a picture. The lens wouldn't open up, he claimed, but Mia tells Phoenix that Cody is probably hiding a bit more. Cody says that he erased the photos he took, but Phoenix points out the Path to Glory, Cody's photobook. He says he always takes a picture when the Steel Samurai wins, right? Phoenix says what the only possible conclusion is. Cody took a picture! And then we get to the bottom of this. Why was Cody lying? Why did he erase the pictures? Why was he being vague? There's only one possible solution, and I'm not gonna hide my bias here: it's my favorite part of this case.

This is the defining moment of the case for me.

The reason Cody erased the pictures was because the Steel Samurai lost! It must've been devastating to see his hero lose. Cody tried to forget it; he tried to delete the photos, he tried to pretend like it never happened. Phoenix wants the truth, but Cody can't handle the truth! There's only one explanation for this. Cody explains that the Steel Samurai lost the fight, fell down, and stopped moving. Edgeworth is dumbfounded. Phoenix knows exactly what's happened: it's all starting to come together. The Steel Samurai was not the killer. The Steel Samurai was the victim! Will Powers wasn't the Steel Samurai: the Steel Samurai was Jack Hammer!

Talk about a Turnabout. Suddenly, this entire case has been turned on its head. WP was never in the costume: it was always Jack Hammer pretending to be WP! He snuck into WP's dressing room after he fell asleep and stole the Steel Samurai outfit before going to Studio One! Cody tells the court that he saved a picture on his camera. It's blurry, hard to make out, but...

Wait a second.

That's Studio 2. THAT'S STUDIO 2. This case has just been blown wide fucking open! This changes everything: where the murder happened, when the murder happened, and likely why the murder happened! We've all been operating under the assumption that the victim was killed at Studio One. But the victim, the man in the Steel Samurai costume, was killed in Studio Two! This is impossible, though. The path was blocked off! The victim must have went to the studio before the path was blocked: in other words, before 2:15! Everybody in the trailer suddenly goes from having bulletproof alibis to having no alibis at all! Only somebody in the trailer could've committed this crime! Edgeworth is incredulous, calling Phoenix's theory madness! He demands proof: proof that Jack Hammer stole the costume! Phoenix shows the court the empty bottle of sleeping pills!

On that day, Jack Hammer drugged WP's steak and stole the costume when he went to sleep! He asks that the court performs fingerprint analysis on the bottle: it was also on WP and Jack Hammer's table! Court is adjourned for the day, and we go into the final day of investigation with two key questions to answer. Why would Mr. Hammer take the costume? If it wasn't WP, then who killed Mr. Hammer?

Court comes to a close. Day three of investigation begins...

Investigation, Day Three

There's not much to do besides go back to the Studios. We've got Maya back, though! Talking with WP, we get some more information about Dee Vasquez: she showed up five years ago and brought this studio back from the brink, although when she showed up Jack Hammer was demoted and... well, he won't talk about the rumors around her. Hm. Going back to the Studios, Gumshoe's present in the Employee Area. He's doing some forensics testing on the table where WP and Hammer were eating, and Phoenix's theory is confirmed: the steak that WP ate was laced with sleeping pills! Additionally, the bottle that Phoenix found had Hammer's fingerprints on it. Hammer did, indeed, drug WP! Penny's in WP's dressing room, and she reveals that The Steel Samurai is being cancelled: Maya is devastated! A few questions later and Penny is surprised that Hammer stole the costume and went to Studio Two. She finally reveals what she knows, though. It's been rumored that Vasquez had some sort of "hold" over Hammer. Some kind of dirt: blackmail! Apparently, there was an accident five years ago that saw Jack Hammer accidentally kill somebody. That must be why Hammer wasn't in a lead role. It was quietly swept under the rug, and only three people know what really happened: Dee Vasquez, who was the producer; Jack Hammer, who is dead; and Wendy Oldbag, who was working at the studios at the time. Ms. Oldbag is approached by Phoenix and Maya, who tell her about the sleeping pills. She ultimately gives in: she accepts that Hammer drugged WP and agrees to tell us what happened.

Five years ago, an accident occurred at the Studios. Somebody died, and a paparazzi took a photo. Vasquez brushed it all under the rug, however. After all... she has ties to the mafia. The paparazzi was "silenced", and Vasquez's position became unassailable. Hammer didn't mean to kill the person he killed, however. She has the original picture. A scripted fight was taking place at the top of the stairs at the trailer in Studio Two. Jack Hammer pushed the other actor off of the stairs and accidentally impaled him on the spiked fence surrounding the flower bed: right in front of Vasquez.

Oyasumi...

Phoenix decides to confront Vasquez with the photograph. Vasquez tells them to come inside the trailer to talk about it. She denies having blackmailed Hammer: what if it wasn't an accident, she postulates? She says that it could've easily been murder. "Would he have let me run his life for five years over a mere accident?" she asks, and reveals that there is only one copy of the photograph. The one that Phoenix has. The one that Phoenix, foolishly, gave her. She calls in her "boys": these must be the bigwigs. It's a group of mafiosos! Why should Dee Vasquez care about Hammer's dirt, though? Vasquez doesn't answer and orders her mafiosos to erase Phoenix and Maya: but not before "Big" Dick Gumshoe rushes in and saves their lives! He takes Vasquez into custody for questioning. She's ultimately left to agree, coming to court tomorrow as a witness. Everything is starting to come to light: the only question remaining is "how did Vasquez kill Hammer?", and it's one that we intend to expose tomorrow.

Trial, Day Three

Dee Vasquez is called in as Edgeworth's witness. She rather quickly shuts up Edgeworth, testifying that there was a meeting from noon to 4:00. Sal took her to the other studio in the van after the meeting. At 2:15, they took a break and ate T-bone steaks in front of the trailer. Phoenix questions that. Why weren't there any bones on the plates, then? She didn't eat any steak! At 2:15, she was meeting with the Steel Samurai and killed him!

Edgeworth is surprised and asks what stunt Phoenix is trying to pull. Vasquez is intrigued, however, and asks Phoenix to a "battle of wits". Vasquez asks how she could've lifted the spear that the victim was killed with. Phoenix counters with his theory: the Samurai Spear wasn't the murder weapon at all! After all, it was duct-taped together. How could that pierce through a full costume? Vasquez asks if Phoenix is insane, asking what the murder weapon would've been if not the spear! Phoenix presents the photo. Hammer was not killed with the spear. He was pushed onto the flower bed. Vasquez is shocked. It looks like we're onto something!

...all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice. [Hegel] forgot to add: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.

Phoenix admits that he can't say if Hammer was killed on purpose or on accident, but his theory is thus: at 2:30 PM on the day of the murder, Dee Vasquez pushed Jack Hammer off of the trailer at Studio Two. He fell onto the flower bed, skewering himself on the fence. Vasquez denies this theory, however, asking if Phoenix is insinuating that she killed Hammer, changed his costume, carried him to Studio One, set up the spear as the murder weapon, and drove back to Studio Two in just fifteen minutes. Of course she didn't: not with her own hands, at least. She had a van, however, and an accomplice who could drive it—Sal Manella! Vasquez admits that Phoenix has won: in their battle of wits, at least. But he hasn't proven anything! Edgeworth isn't so sure, however. Did he think of something?! Phoenix can't: he asks her to testify again, but not about what he wants her to testify about. Edgeworth objects, however! He was hoping to come up with a question while he was objecting, but he didn't. He then objects again, telling Vasquez to testify about what they did after they found the body! Vasquez testifies that she called the police, Oldbag said that Powers did it, and that she went back to get her notes and scripts. When Phoenix presses that last point, it's actually Edgeworth who objects: he points out a contradiction in her testimony! She wouldn't have thought about to picking up her notes if she still thought there would be a rehearsal before going to Studio One. She knew that there wouldn't be one, however!

He's come to save the day!

Vasquez says that she knew Hammer was injured. It wasn't Hammer that was hurt, though. It was WP: but Vasquez didn't know that, because she saw Hammer limping! When was he limping? After he put on the costume! When did she see the costume? When Hammer confronted her! Phoenix posits that Hammer had a motive, as well. The accident from five years ago! Hammer was approaching Vasquez about the photo. He wanted it destroyed; he wanted free from her control! Vasquez, of course, didn't have a motive. She defended herself from Hammer, who was trying to kill her!

Edgeworth is shocked. The court is stunned. Vasquez is angry. She snaps her pipe in two, sighs, and admits defeat. She, indeed, killed Jack Hammer.

And so, the tragedy comes to light.

In the Defendant's Lobby, Edgeworth approaches Phoenix. He says that he is saddled with unnecessary feelings: unease and uncertainty. There's an internal conflict within Edgeworth. Does he truly wish to be a prosecutor? Perhaps, for the first time in his life, he sees another path laid before him. Hm. I wonder who this reminds me of... in any case, WP is saved, the truth is brought to light, and the stepping stones are paved for the future. Maya and Phoenix were a pretty good team, and Edgeworth... we'll see about him.

What Really Happened?

Five years ago, Global Studios was on the verge of collapse. Dee Vasquez was hired as a producer, and using her business acumen alongside her mafia ties brought Global Studios to fame again. While rehearsing a fight scene, Hammer accidentally pushed another actor named Manuel off of the trailer's stairs at Studio Two and he landed on the flower bed, skewering his chest and dying. It's implied that Vasquez and Manuel were lovers, and Vasquez helped Hammer cover up his death: she ruined Hammer's career has revenge for her lover's death, however, and used this photo as blackmail.

After the photo came into Wendy Oldbag's possession, Jack Hammer decided to finally approach Vasquez. Disguising himself as Will Powers, he approached Vasquez and intended to break himself out of her control. Vasquez, fearing for her life, pushed Hammer away: she accidentally pushed him off of the trailer's stairs at Studio Two and he landed on the flower bed, skewering his chest... and dying.

Sal Manella conspired with Dee Vasquez. They burned the Steel Samurai costume, which was covered in Hammer's blood, and put his body in their van. They then dressed him up in the Evil Magistrate's costume, stabbed him with the spear, and left him in Studio One to be discovered.

THOUGHTS

As the series' first foray into locked room mysteries, 1-3 is honestly honestly really good. Way better than I remembered, in any case! While it does have some pacing issues, it's a very compelling mystery and honestly one of the best pure mysteries in the original trilogy: approached from a purely mysterious standpoint, I think that it's the best in PW:AA.

I think 1-3 has one of the best "turnabout moments" in the series: this entire game just has really solid turnabouts, but 1-3 is definitely one of its best. The revelation that the Steel Samurai was the victim, not the defendant, is groundbreaking and the bona-fide example for a really good turnabout. It's a genuinely shocking revelation, and I think it's executed flawelessly.

Vasquez's story is also very tragic and emotional, and she's honestly one of my favorite defendants in the series. Easily in my top 10! That being said, Day 3 is very short: I do think it was necessary, but I feel like it could've been a bit longer. I don't think the pacing issues are a huge problem, though. 1-3 is just a very, very, very solid case. It's a great mystery with really good characters and well-done emotional beats. Edgeworth really begins his arc here, and Mia is a sight for sore eyes; we also get some hints of Maya's self-loathing that will show up in 1-4 here, although she's hiding it behind self-deprecating humor. Ain't that the truth...

Back to the locked room mystery, it's super solid for this type of mystery's first showing in the series. For those unfamiliar, a locked room mystery doesn't necessarily have to take place in a locked room; all a locked room mystery, or "impossible crime" mystery, requires is some situation where it seems impossible for a perpetrator to enter the scene of the crime. In Ace Attorney, this appears as being a case where it's impossible, without any potential room for apparent doubt or alternative explanation, for anybody but the defendant to have reasonably committed the crime. 1-3 is a prime example of this, and while it's not my favorite example of a locked room mystery in AA it's definitely one of the best.

I highly recommend replaying it if you get the chance: it's well executed, very compelling, and surprisingly emotional. I don't think there's a bad character design in this case, although actual characters? Sal Manella is creepy, WP feels one-note, and Vasquez doesn't have enough screen time in my opinion. I do like everybody else, though: Penny is a notable standout, being this case's certified straight man. Er, woman. I also really like Vasquez for the short time she appears, and Gumshoe saving the day is awesome!

Overall? 1-3 is honestly really, really good. What do you think about it? Let me know down below! Next time, we'll be covering the original finale to this game and a fan-favorite of the fanbase: Turnabout Goodbyes. See you then!

Final Rating: 8/10

FAVORITE LINES

"Hey! You can't go around saying 'pal' like that! That's MY endearing character trait!" - Dick Gumshoe, after Maya calls him "pal"

"You need to stop judging things based on narrow-minded cultural assumptions, Nick!" - Maya Fey, after Phoenix points out that it's a stepladder

"By offering me something I already own, you're in effect eschewing the very basis of our consumer society, namely the principle of fair trade!" - Cody Hackins, when Phoenix tries to give him the card he dropped

"Oh, great, stop the presses! The windbag wants to talk!" - Maya Fey, after Oldbag interrupts court on the first day of trial

CASE RANKINGS

Turnabout Samurai (8/10)

The First Turnabout (6/10)

Turnabout Sisters (5/10)

[the-acid-pear]

just finished (finally) playing through Dialtown (started in January or February, but didn't get around playing it again until last night and today). How Am I Supposed To be Normal Again After That

anyway firstly: Randy and Oliver my beloveds <3 I Wanna Date Them Both (love Karen Bigfoot and Norm too!! those two are just my favorites)

secondly, because this Always happens when i'm into two or more things at the same time:

Dsaf-Dialtown Crossover (of sorts) Au

except instead of like. Dsaf in Dialtown, it's Dialtown in Dsaf.

specifically thought of Gingi just kinda. Existing.

so this happens in a sort of "Things Are Mildly Better; Dee And Peter Are Still Dead, But Dave's Less Murdery And Is Helping Jack, So. There's That" timeline. Dave and Gingi are sort of "cousins" species-wise. like. y'know how they say dogs, foxes, and wolves are all kinda related to each other in a species way? so. Dave and Gingi aren't RELATED-related. but like. their Species are, y'know?

so like. Henry just kinda. walks into the Saferoom at Fredbear's one day

and there's this Big, green cryptid just kinda curled up in there.

at first he's got questions. mostly "How The Fuck Did This Thing Get In Here Without Me Knowing"

then this thing wakes up.

Gingi, who just kinda sneaked in through the vents the previous night to find a warm, dark place to sleep (and probably a place to lay their eggs, considering how close they were to laying them), takes one look at Henry, and just lets out a hiss.

not like a cat hiss. a more...reptile-like hiss.

Gingi stands up, and it's tall. like, close to around eight feet tall, if not slightly taller than that.

taller than Dave, who's around like. seven foot five inches.

Gingi's very fucking confused. to be fair, they kinda sorta thought the place was abandoned. like, the place was empty, dark...okay, look, they don't really understand 100% how humanity works, how were they supposed to know??

eventually they clock that Henry's not a threat (for the moment, anyway), and relax a bit. then they start to briefly explain their situation: it's pregnant, and like. anywhere from a few hours to another day away from giving birth, and they kinda need a place to make their nest.

Henry, on one hand, doesn't want a cryptid's nest in his diner. because like. understandable. on the other...ever since Dave kinda fucking left, he hasn't had a cryptid to experiment on for about five months at this point (because listen. you can't tell me that at least Part of the reason he was dissecting Dave wasn't because he was Mildly curious about whatever the Fuck was up with his biology). and Henry's a bit Curious about this weird ass cryptid that just randomly showed up.

he discovers two problems:

Gingi is far more feral than Dave ever was. makes sense; Dave got "domesticated" in a way, growing up in society instead of in the wild. Gingi has only ever grown up around the edge of society, only having enough contact with humanity to understand human speech (specifically English) and some basic knowledge of how society works (which. Ain't A Lot, let's be real). so of course, when he offered to do some "Totally Legal Medical Procedures Trust Me Bro (Gender Neutral) It's Just To Make Sure You And The Babies Are Healthy :)" Gingi. Wasn't Too Thrilled About That Idea. it got Defensive ("What, do you think there's something wrong with me? Is it the green skin?? 'Cause I've always had it-")

second problem: Gingi...wasn't planning on staying there the whole time the eggs would be incubating for. they wouldn't hatch for a year, and Gingi was just gonna lay them in a (hopefully) safe place, return to check on them periodically, and then return for the nestlings when they hatched. and Gingi has one caveat to leaving them here: Henry has to promise to Not intentionally harm the eggs while they're there and keep them safe from anyone who might desire to. of which Henry is definitely Not going to genuinely promise and then Keep.

so Gingi starts making it clear that No Mr. Weird Pink Man, I'm Not Gonna Let You Do Some Weird "Medical Evaluation" On Me Or My Children, And I'm Not Leaving My Kids Here Unless They'll Be Safe 100%. and then...they start smelling things. Gingi's a cryptid; it was born with more animalistic abilities. and they start smelling things.

first it's "another cryptid": Who is it? There's a lot of them here, clearly...is this why Henry's so hesitant to let them stay around? Cryptids can be territorial, it would know that...but the scent is stale...how long have they been gone?

then it's the cryptid's blood, also stale: Oh, Christ, are they hurt? Were they hurt? Now, Gingi's got self-preservation instincts that are at the forefront most of the time, but...even they can get concerned about how someone else is doing. Is this cryptid okay? Are they hurt? Why do they smell blood?!

then it gets more concerning: the blood of an adult human...the blood of at least three human children. Death: What the fuck happened here?! Oh, God- What happened back in this room?!

by the end of their conversation, Gingi decides it's not worth it. they're not staying here, they sure as fuck aren't laying their eggs here. Gingi leaves, finds a secluded spot in the woods, and lays its eggs there.

a few years later, Henry's still alive and kicking (unfortunately), and Gingi (plus their babies) have found Dave and Jack chilling together (not in Vegas), and realizes "Hey. The Purple One Is A Cryptid!!"

so now Gingi (plus its kids) chills with Jack and Dave. they're trying to teach Dave how to be a cryptid, because y'know. Dave Grew Up Around Humans. Jack is just chilling and trying to comprehend how he gained TWO Cryptid Roommates.

it Is utter chaos, before you ask.

- dogboyjackkennedy

FUCKING OBSEEEESSED I ADOOORE THAT SM SLHFUBDUFHR IT'S. So silly so real. So cute too to imagine Gingi (and the ginglets or whatever) trying to teach Dave being taught to be a cryptid too 😭😭 i do adore the idea of the two being mildly related biologically too it's just so fun to think of tbh. I have to ask tho... Did the true cryptid way of life rub off on jack too? MDHFJBGJG-