#anyway yeah that. ive been thinking abt this for a few months and I would like to attempt to do smth like that

[spearxwind]

Hi hello I have two questions for yall

does anyone here know decent book editing software that isnt indesign because i cant afford indesign and its a little incomprehensible (pretty much I'm looking how I can edit a book with spread pages and images) nothing insanely fancy, I am just looking to turn one of my big lore google docs into something nice and art-book looking I wanna be able to do something like this, for example

what I am looking to do is basically turn my challenger deep lore doc into an actual lore book so I will hopefully do some illustrations for it down the line for each section of it. so the next question is then:

would any of you be interested in purchasing that? it would be digital (unless there's an insane amount of interest for physical editions, in which case I will consider it)

[phagodyke]

was brave and talked to my doctor abt my period bs + she said it might be endometriosis without me even having to bring it up... 💀

[ottiliere]

hello! ur posts on the vagus nerve and its connections to digestions have encouraged me to do a lil mini dissertation thingy kinda focused on it/around it, ur big thread on PVT and everything really piqued my interest when i read it and i just held onto it for like a year or smthing until like last week when i started the project. Ik u said recently in one of ur posts i believe that ur not going to post the big dirk PVT post and im not here to be like yo post it because i also think u said that ur kinda moving away from like hs/dirky stuff rn ?? (im forgetting if i saw that sorry) but yeah i just wanted to say thank u etc etc, like ive never done an ask before so sorry if this is phrased weirdly but ur blog is just like one of those blogs that fundamentally changed how i view certain things in life for the better lol, like whether its ur beautiful representations / depictions of mental health in like just beautifully painted art (seriously the way u make it look like idk how to word it cartoony/really 2d but then it stands out against the background + if u zoom in and see the tiny pixel details == it makes me mad) or just like the huggeee long form posts that i like to chew on and save cuz theres so many details that AFFAAT like the way you talk abt the topics u portray has made me concious of how i would want to do so in the same way ig u get me. anyway this got really long and idk if i come across coherently, but ur just a random person on the internet whos art and written thoughts that u decide to share makes me happy when i see it == makes me pace around my room and distract me from this fat essay lmao so tldr: i really appreciate what u do + i hope like that ur doing well and that u keep arting and thoughting no matter what it is that u choose to focus on

(uve made me comitted to reading jthm, playing psychonauts and giving jjba w/ dio another go lmao) 🫶🫶

Hello! I’m sorry this reply is coming so late, this ask in particular is very sweet and has stuck out to me.

I’m really happy to have introduced you to PVT, this is something I’ve heard from a few different people on here and it’s very sweet… I did my thesis on it in college and the time really flew by while working on it, things you don't think could possibly attributed to "nerve issues" being nerve issues is always an eye-opener, isn't it? being able to research things that interest you & access information in general really is a privilege in this day and age.

“The topics [I] portray” are very important to me, so it’s heartening when others take interest in spite of the obvious deterrents. A lot of what I love making art about is unpalatable to most, and while I do understand the reasons for that on principle, it can make things feel a little insular. I genuinely believe there’s a lot of value in depicting tableaus of misery.

The last year has brought a lot of very unforeseen changes, and my life is quite different from when I initially made this blog to post about him! That’s also part of why I’ve been so sparse here…though I’m working to change that quite soon. I love sharing my work, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting some truly wonderful people through this website. That said…with where I’m at now, I’m not sure I’ll be posting the Dirk essay anytime soon, I’m afraid.

I’ve undertaken a few ongoing projects, one of which in particular is an original project I plan on sharing publicly here hopefully within the next month or so. I hope it’s something you & anyone else who’s stuck around with me here will enjoy, but failing that, I’ve really enjoyed working on it thus far.

Thank you for the sweet ask, take care, and good luck with your project!

[zundamind]

wow, would you look at that! it's been a full ass year since you fucked me over! september 29th.... yeahh..... XD our fuck-you-versary! hi clifford!

in case you dont remember, the name piko might jog your mind. yeah thats me!! hellwo!! honestly you shouldve known better than to stick with your old username but hey props on you for changing it last minute! almost didnt find you for a second lolll!!

i wanted to drop in and say HEY! HELLO! HI! and give you some status updates :3

update one: i'm getting better!! no thanks to you, of course. and actually i should say we're getting better. yep! thats what happens when you suffer so bad your brain cant take suffering solo! XD

update two: while my mental health has been at an all time low ever since you fucking dropped me like a fucking ROCK, ive been getting over things lately! my clean streaks are now longer than a week! i no longer want to kms! im even making friends again!

update three: while both of the above statements are true, you still live in my mind rent free. i remember when i first stumbled across your blog a few months ago, i had a full on spiral! not anymore, though. i am STEEL, BABY! also you spinning in the mental microwave rent free is why i'm sending you this heartfelt ask!

man.... even when i try, i still find you somehow and its never intentional. like imagine scrolling the tptm tag only to be straight up jumpscared by your ex best friend's username! how embarrassing!

also i'm sorry but i have to say the reason(s) you left are sooo fucking stupid..... what, cus i was weird? come on. everyones a little weird. even a little deviantart weird. oh and because of some stupid opinions that shouldntve even mattered if you were actually a friend? get real, trey. what if i left your ass because you had a fuckin biting kink? that wouldve been funny actually. like making a sad callout post on twitter thats just "my friend left me because i wasnt vanilla enough!" XDDD

oh, and if you ever see your "stalker" again, assuming you're not thinking its me and that its actually your previous qpr or whatever the fuck, say hi! i find it funny as FUCK, since, you know, you were considering cyberstalking me at one point. and tell chaos i said hi too. i'd also mention mayu, but do you two even keep in touch anymore? probably not, considering the weird things she's done.

anyways thats the end of my relay. if you dont want these kinds of asks again, i suggest either turning asks off or just straight up deleting your tumblr and/or making another one that is NOT connected to any username youve used in the past, because in that case i'll just find your ass again lmaooo. remember! every year on this day will be the day i remind you that you are NOT allowed to stay sane X3

sincerely, your most hated, piko. (i hardly use my old blog anymore, so have fun finding my current blog! and do what you want with this ask, make a callout post, scream into the ethers, reply to it, idc.)

this should stay private but idc

i know what i did was wrong piko! i was 12-13.

dont take this as me excusing myself. i had horrible emotional regulation back then, ive healed from everything back there. you dont deserve to be called out because ur like. 14-15.

do not bring mayu or chaos into this,weve all healed and forgot abt you.

i overreacted bc of very worthless things because i was basically obsessed witj you, you were my fp, if you didnt know.

completely forgot you even existed, i havent been checking your profiles at all in months. you shouldnt either, please forget about me. you'll drive yourself crazy.,

if you think im going to "cancel" you, no im not. for your sake, please dont interact with me anymore. i apologize for how i acted over stupid things, but we were both young and idiotic. im also a system, i dont even remember half of the things you did bc of that.

move on. ive moved on, weve all moved on.

dont bother yourself with me, you dont need to.

[yinyuedijun]

hiiiii i have not read or seen windbreaker my only interactions with it are bc some of my moots r into it now so ive read some fics and i saw tokyo vice on my dash and i was really pulled in by the summary so i read both parts and sincerity and the little prequel piece and oh my god it’s so good. i love the humor, the narrative voice is so witty. suo’s character is so intriguing bc as much as the reader loves and knows him there’s still so much going on that we can only guess at and i felt like that was communicated really well. i enjoyed the fact that sincerity and the prequel let us see their relationship at a different time and how we got to where they are in the present. im really interested in the reader and i felt like u did such a good job of weaving in the comedy to make some of her internal dialogue more lighthearted while still developing her emotional state really well. plus the smut was insane like 11/10 no notes. when the reader said she was excited for pussy inspections >>> like fuck yea me too!!! but anyways i loved the details we learn about her and how her fantasy is have really mundane romantic and vanilla sex. it really speaks to just how fucked up her life has been to the point where her biggest romantic dream is just to have regular sex with the man she loves. like ugh the angst interspersed with the comedy and smut was just chef's kiss. AND THAT ENDING??? WHEN HE THINKS SHE'S ASLEEP. like that did tug at my heartstrings especially when he talked about what their old friends think of him :(( and how if he was a better man he'd let her go. i read another organized crime x civilian fic for a different fandom a few years ago and it ended with the civilian person leaving his partner/his partner letting him go bc the deeper the partner he got into organized crime the more unhinged he became and how his mental state began affecting the civilian. thats a really condensed way of explaining but the events were crazy and it had me crying and screaming every chapter but that's something that ive never seen in other yakuza/gang/organized crime aus so i thought it was really cool to see how that is something that suo thinks about and has to come to terms with now that its been a few years and he can look back at his behavior.

but anyways i really really loved it and im gonna watch/read windbreaker as soon as i can now :)) so thank u for the wonderful fic 🙂‍↕️ and is tokyo vice over? i dont think i saw a completed tag on it on ur masterlist so i wanted to ask if u were leaving the world open

ANONNN I LOVE U SO MUCH TRULY THANK YOU!! 🥹 tokyo vice was an absurd self-indulgent project so I'm so very happy you gave it a shot despite not being into wbk!!! I must confess that it's wildly different from canon LOL but I do adore the canon series nevertheless, and I hope you enjoy it :-) (let us know if you do!!!)

I can't thank you enough for sending such juicy feedback abt tokyo vice, especially about the reader! I did find it somewhat stressful trying to balance the comedy of her narration with the horny and angsty and deranged events of the plot, so I'm glad that you liked that aspect of the fic !!! 🥹 and yeah despite all the comedy, she really is a traumatized meow meow. but it's okay, she can now have the normal sex of her dreams with the love of her life - as long as she can survive 4 months of orgasm denial before their wedding 😭

and LOL I love yandere charas with self-awareness so in general I love writing arcs where they love the reader enough to understand that they should let them go. the plot you're describing is sooooo up my alley and I think suo would absolutely have that thought process if the reader were even remotely mentally normal. unfortunately she is equally insane. I guess that is the tragedy of it for suo - he knows that he can never get better, and he also knows that as long as they are together, she can never get better either. fortunately for him, she could not care less ♥️

I do think tokyo vice is complete, but I do want to finish that sakura wip at some point and also write about suo and mc's sex life after they get together (which is very nasty premaritally and then really vanilla and emotional on their wedding night). I want to finish this kitsune suo pwp first though and finish my ffg commitments too 😭

anyway sorry for yapping so much HAHAH I'm just so happy that you commented on all these aspects of the fic!! thank you for reading and for sending such a wonderful ask 🥺💗

[verflares]

so it’s totally okay if u don’t wanna answer, but when do you think the next chapter of dragonsong will be out? i know writing block can happen — trust me, i am NO stranger — but an update on what’s going on with the story would be cool! like if life is just too much rn you can just say that and that’s totally fine :) honestly i will wait till the end of time for this fic, it’s too good 😭

hi!! no worries, i appreciate the question ^_^ it's fair too, i don't think ive really mentioned what's going on outside of like. tags on various personal text posts tht u'd have to hunt down. honestly i'm a little shy talking abt it or some of my other og projects on here LMAO which is mostly just. that's how i Am and i know most of my followers that i have now are here for my art and maybe my insane ramblings from time-to-time

anyways, atm i don't really have a clear date for when i'll get the next one out... it's still sitting in my files and i Still have an outline for what i want to happen in it + the next few chapters planned out right till the fic's conclusion. but yeah, planning versus execution is a whole other beast.

i Do want to finish it so much, and i Will... its mostly just various combinations of irl, writer burnout, and i've kind of also just been enjoying getting better at art more these past few months - so i'm doing that in my free time instead of writing x_x. so i guess the state of it rn is temporary hiatus?

i've considered some ways in which it might be easier to say, trick my brain into continuing too LOL. i could try putting out shorter chapters, but i worry if itll upset the flow of all the other chapters that came beforehand... feel free to let me know or any other potential ideas and i'll see what i can do!

[naniskys]

and shin i get his mom tho the anger i just dont like them getting chingching involved on all that shit 😭 it makes me cringe when shin talks to chingching abt saint when he was still mad at him or when shins mom slapped saint and ching was there stoppppp but going back to his mom i understand her

ive been reading ur sknn asks for a while and i am enjoying all of those i saw that one anon saying something about more scenes of them when they were younger i think what we saw is enough to build the story but i just can get enough of them i agree with anon saying we shouldve gotten more tsunami scenes

yeah 😭😭 i totally get shin's mum, but slapping saint in front of chingching and all the pointed words were a lot™️like i'm just imagining chingching growing up a bit and going what the fuck when she remembers all that, because iirc they never actually told her about what went down with saintshin?? like that's your other brother, your mother's other son for as long as you know, but then one day he's gone and you see your brother crying himself to sleep for 3 years, and then he's back and he saves you and you miss him, but your mum and brother hate his guts, but then a few months later he's back to brother status and living at your house and your mum's feeding him like a son again and it's all ????????? anyway chingching's gonna be THE greatest annoyance (affectionate) in saintshin's lives forever and ever <33

seconded (thirded?) !!! i would have LOVED more tsunami scenes and more flashback scenes, it felt complete but frankly speaking i don't think i can ever have enough of them <3 i want a special season of hsf where it's just snippets of their lives before, and then also some snippets of their lives post-canon being happy and together (kinda like the winteam between us special if anyone knows what i'm talking about lol)

[vanikey]

im having Thoughts abt my living situation (past, present, and future) and im gonna ramble abt it on tumblr bc this blog is my diary

ive Officially lived on my own since april 2023 and i love it so much !!!!!! (tho if rent goes up any more and my job continues to have shit pay i may not get to anymore but anywayssss...) growing up i always wanted to live on my own but as i aged i grew fearful i wouldnt be able to bc of lack of independence emotionally, physically, and financially but i did it and i was worried id end up hating it or be lonely but no it fucks severely

that being said i loved living in my childhood home but couldve done with less constant people time LOL (or just more freedom ig) and then in college i lived with friends the whole time and that was a bit rocky for a while but the last few years (in the attic apartment) were amazing and i was sad to leave but at the same time i knew i had to if i wanted to eventually get my own place and i also had some fears abt my roommate (he hates living alone absolutely hates it and i loved living with him and hes said repeatedly he loved living with me but a part of me always wonders if thats bc it was me or if anyone wouldve done? like any friend/person that would spend time with him idk) (if my friend is reading this no youre not) (and it worked out anyway bc he moved states like a year or so after we stopped living together so i wouldve had to leave the attic apartment anyway lol) then i lived with my parents again and eventually found a job i lowkey hate but am usually neutral abt and got my own place and yeah!!

the Thing is one of my sisters and i always talked abt our dream houses and one day she merged it into us living together and also me helping her whenever she decides to have a kid (i offered to if we would be living together)(despite me not being comfortable with kids really idk i have 6 nieces/nephews aged 8 and under but i still dont know how to interact with them and am scared of babies and wont even hold them if theyre less than 6 months and even then it makes me so nervous) ANYWAYS i promised her id help her (even if its just like cleaning around the house or stuff like that) and maybe even try with baby/kid stuff bc shes planning on being a single mom

the thing is i knew she was being 100% serious and i do mean what i said but i also dont think i really Realized and also i may have been thinking hypothetically/jokingly kinda? without realizing? that that could be my actual future?? and shes potentially looking at getting a house rn and i wouldnt be moving into it anytime soon but she was asking me if id like to one day and is asking me abt stuff and it hit me like Oh Shit and i also realized her proposed deadline for starting to have her own kids is coming up in the next like 2-ish years (shes in her mid thirties) and im like. i actually dont want any of that lol

like i Just got out on my own? and id like to remain that way for a long time if possible? potentially forever?? and thinking on it if i ever got a house of my own i imagine itd be smaller and stuff and like the places we've talked abt id have my own space for sure like basically a mini apartment/basement scenario but thinking on it now i dont think thats good enough for me? bc someone will still be there living with me even if it is like upstairs or whatever and will be wanting to spend time with me that i may not want to be sharing (this was the first 18 years of my life lol) and not only that but there will be at least one if not two kids and ive never lived with anyone younger than me for an extended period of time and ahhhhhh

idk just having realizations ig and idk if theyll change or if I'll have to break her heart or if I'll have to put up with living with ppl again idkkkk

[mugiwara--ya]

heyyy hi a little life/med update !!

ive been super super busy these past couple weeks w a ton of socialization etc and ngl i think i burned myself out lol last night after we got back home from a con (and the bar stop after it) i had a massive shutdown that lasted hours and im still reeling from it, but ANYWAYS!! med update med update wooo

so! on top of the lifesaving bupropion ive been taking all year & the eszopiclone for sleep i finally !! got put on something for my ocd, lets give it up for fluoxetine to join my beautiful, beautiful cocktail, mwah 💖💝💗💕💞💓

i know it supposedly takes a few weeks to fully Work but im already feeling a MASSIVE difference right off the bat, like yesterday i was at the mall and i ✨ touched the escalator's handrail ✨ i was literally so excited i kept looking at my hand going yoooooo im DOING it im making it HAPPEN like even my friends congratulated me on it kdsfjhakjg it felt silly but massive at the same time lol and of course i still immediately disinfected my hands but the important thing is that I Did It

and idk its like!!! i knew it was BAD like especially these past few months its been just. VIOLENTLY out of control but god the absolute relief ive been feeling is making me feel like i was still grossly underestimating it, it had completely taken over my life. right now its like, i encounter any random trigger and i brace myself for the anxiety spiral to come and then it DOESN'T and its so ??? like i still have The Thought but then i just go "ok" and dismiss it like an annoying notification and thats IT, while the last time i was on therapy i literally described my ocd as having hundreds of those cymbal-banging monkey toys of different sizes just sitting there in my brain Waiting and every single time i got triggered one of them would start losing its absolute shit - for example if im at the supermarket, on top of the everything about existing as an autistic person at the supermarket, thered be like a dozen of them constantly going ALERT ALERT CONTAMINATION CONTAMINATION EEK EEK DANGER DANGER BANG BANG BANG- and now the monkeys r GONE. get turned into mostly-dismissable phone notifs, idiots !!!!!!!!!

the only monkey im willingly keeping!!!!! is the low poly 3d model of monkey d. luffy constantly rotating in my brain <3 kfngskjdfs

also like i still do like, say, my cleaning rituals when i get back home, but idk i just. i feel Normal about it?? like calmly wiping my phone bc phones r Gross and not bc i literally see a green film of Germs And Various Pathogens enveloping it lol. anddd i havent been attacked by violent intrusive thoughts in a minute !! lets see if it stays that way. im generally super sensitive to medications too so im on low doses of everything and i wanna keep it like that lol so heres to hoping it keeps goin like this so i dont have to up my dose 8)

uhh thats about it ! having a bit of Personal Issues tm at the moment tho but im so relieved abt my ocd i kinda have the bandwidth to deal with them lol. i prolly jus need some sleep quiet and to not be perceived by anyone for a solid week.

in other lighter and unrelated news my queue is completely empty rn so it'll be just a liiiittle quiet around here for a bit but ! yeah. also i just watched the latest op anime episode and urhgrhghrghrgh it was so good hhh <3333 so yah if you read this whole thing i am giving you a little kiss on the forehead, mwah, hope you have a great week !!

[svnflowermoon]

☕talk about ur best friend! what're they like? what do u love about them? <3

OMG YAY OK i could talk about my best friends for HOURSSSS (i have a few best friends so i'll talk abt all of them <333)

ok so first there's 🐀 (emoji is an inside joke i made her a felted stripper rat for her birthday) i don't think she knows she's my best friend but idk?? genuinely one of my fav people ever she's literally the funniest person on earth and i love her so much, we've known each other for like 6 years now which is insane to me. on all of our school holidays we have sleepovers where we watch the cringiest movies we can find and make cursed cakes (if you want more context send me an ask lmao 😭) and honestly it's so fun. we wore matching fairy costumes last year on halloween (i was blue, she was green) bc of the whole ✨she was a fairy✨ audio it was so funny and we're gonna do a transition from those outfits into our formal dresses at the end of the year in the same colours hehe (which i helped her pick literally two days ago). also been accused of being madly in love with her which is how you know the friendship is real lmaooo

then there's 🐟(she would HATE me for this emoji LMAOOOO) and she's literally one of my favourite people in the world and ive known her for a year????? like there is a massive part of my heart that is molded perfectly for her and we only met last year??? it's insane to me honestly she's irreplaceable idk what I'd do without her i adore her with my whole heart. literally one of my favourite memories from last year is with her from the eras tour movie like it was a core memory that will live in my heart forever we sung and danced together and at that point we'd known each other for like 6 months??? crazy to me that she's so important to me after so little time like it feels like I've known her my whole life and those kinds of connections are so important to me. but anyway she's so funny and the sweetest person ever and she got me a birthday present 2 months ago??? my birthday's in june 😭😭😭 i love her endlesslyyyy and we have plans to run away to italy together to escape maths. it's so funny as well bc we've been friends for just a year and literally everyone associates us together like "oh you're ___'s lucy!!" and im like hell yeah we've known each other forever- and then it's one year

okayyy and then there's 💐 and ugh she's so sweet we've known each other for like 2 years and we bonded over music and she's literally an angel on earth im so lucky to know her. she's the sweetest, kindest person i know i genuinely cannot express how much she means to me. we go thrifting together and gossip a bunch and we have plans to go to concerts together and ugh she's my pinterest spotify soulmate she's sooo sweet you have no idea <333 cannot express how much she means to me

[virocci]

wsg chat

time for another fire life update

this one is gonna be BORING RAHHHHH

to start… I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE SHIT HOLE FUCK.

IDK WHAT IT WAS BUT WHATEVER GAVE ME A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY AT THE START OF THE SEM IS WLDJKWDKWNZJD

first thing…

THIS GIRL IN FASHION IS ACC ANNOYING THE FUCK OUTTA ME. she said that i would grow out of playing gacha games (SUUUUUUPER CONDESCENDINGLY BTW)… we were making leather keychains and we had to stamp letters in them so i was like “hehe what if i put aventurine” (AVENTURINE MY LOVE I LOVE AVENTURINE) and she asks who? and i explain he’s from hsr. and she says AND I QUOTE “ohhhh honkai star rail, thats a gacha game, yeah i used to play gacha games like a few years ago, dont worry you’ll grow out of it” and she like waves her hand and im thinking grow out of it? tf you mean? so i hs respond “uhh i like gacha games… they r pretty fun, esp hsr i like the story and the characters” and she says SUUUUUPER CONDESCENDINGLY “haha dont worry you’ll grow out of them” LIKE SHE SOOOOOOO MUCH OLDER THAN ME AND SOOOOO MUCH MORE WISE (WE ARE THE SAME FUCKING AGE. IF ANYTHING IM OLDER THAN HER BY A COUPLE MONTHS). LIKE WTF YOU DONT JS SAY THAT. SHE WAS LITERALLY SINGING A CHAPPEL ROAN SONG AND I WAS SOOOOO ABOUT TO BE LIKE “oh you like pop???? i used to like that too, i dont anymore dw you grow out of it” but unfortunately i didnt… i dont have the balls… there was another time before that where she said onyl rich white ppl live in (my neighborhood) AND I SOOOOOO GOT HER cuz later that class i made a joke abt what she was saying and she asked where i lived and i was like “(my neighborhood)” AND HER FACE WAS PRICELESS, SHE WAS LIKE “OH SHIT 😃” ngl chat she is so CHOPPED.

anyways, i had a dream abt eggrolls. I LITERALLY HATE VRO SO MUCH. (the dream was that he broke up with his gf and we got tgther and we were a cutsey ahh couple and played 3ds games tgther chat.) i am literally being tortured by my subconscious chat.

other than that ive js felt so bleh, like im so drained and js dont wanna do nothin. like i can barely pull myself outta bed 😋 would rather die than go to school another day but yolo!!!!

ive been rlly tryna complete the strinova bp 😝 i think im arounf level 60 rn!! and i also only have a couple quests left so i think ill be able to get this bp as well!!!! i rlly like the pass this update it legit SOOOOO CUTE (i love yugiri shes such a cutey)

ive also been working a lil more on my acnh island, its been going pretty well, i made a hidden shrine and am tryna place buildings rn so i can do the decorating 😋

AAAAAAND i played the new dti update!!!! i now have aalllll the gamepasses which is kind silly but it acc made farming sooooo much easier esp since i didnt have x2 money before. i LOVE all the new items and making ethereal ahh fits is SOOOOO FUN 😍😍 rn am a trendsetter but i RLLLLYY wanna try a get to AT LEAST top model maybe before end of march (esp since im like 5k away from runway diva)🫰

lastely.

WIEGE CAME OUT AND I HAVE NAWT RECOVERED. as a day 1 alnst fan im literally dying holy shit. wiege literally broke me into pieces. its shattered my heart. MIZI AND SUA SWAPPED OUTFITS. LUKA AND HYUNA WOULDVE BEEN MARRIED. I HATE YOU VIVNOS RAHIDHWBDBEOQ YOU BREAK ME (i love vivinos chat.) THIS SHIT BROKE ME THE SAME WAY CURE DID.

besides that i think we chill, idk why but ive js been kinda down lately, its weird

im literally just a girl </3

anyhoodles,, byebye !!!

( song for chu cuz ur kewl :3 , i literally found it yesterday and its SOOOO satisfying )

[omanu]

useless words by me

happy new year to those who celebrate. i have some kind of cyst right on top of my butt crack and its been painful. cant sleep or sit well and ive been taking antibiotics since the 30th and on the 31st to today it popped on it's own, during new years lmfao. i was supposed to have gone to a friend of a friend's house to celebrate this shit of new year, i didn't really want to go in the first place, i hate commemorating things, but there was going to be a kareoke machine so i was convinced. didnt actually end up going cuz the cyst had gotten worse, i was glad i didnt go pw otherwise id have dirty underwear until the morning (today) and it's just gross as fuck. i wasnt on the mood bc its sucks to be on antibiotics. so instead of going w my friends i stayed with my mom and cousins at my cousin's. it was fine and chill i ate a fucking lot. i prepared a chocolate mousse and it kinda flopped but it was good. imxlxkk im just kind of in my feelings cuz at some point my 15yo cousin started talking shit abt elvis probably bc to get a reaction out of me, and it did, but i was being sarcastic most of the time and just kinda dealing w it in a joking manner but she felt so righteous so i started pointing out the hypocrisy in her taste cnjccj idk why i care, i just like him so much, so it sucks, simply as that. and it's all a bunch of lies like xjdjdk i cant even say much, everything about him that ppl complain is only based on some takes that are not true at all. i understand not liking him for priscilla but like,, the woman herself loves him still, and the anachronism is unreasonable. other than that, putting the industry's blame on him just doesnt work, he was literally just a guy. he could have been a better person in terms of social justice but this applies to all fucking celebrities TO THIS DAY so like,, whats the point of getting mad at him specifically??? weird. ik it doesnt matter if you dont care about him but i like him a lot so im gonna feel bad for all of this misdirected criticism.

so, my night ended on an uncomfortable note bc of this shit + i was feeling sorry for my cyst situation and how i spent the last three months sick and im still gonna be sick for a while – different sicknesses since october and i still dont know if im well enough – and im worried about the next few months cuz im unemployed rn and i need money to see my j-hope and taemin as well and i lent money to my sister while she didnt deserve it and i need to keep filling my schedule w classes and courses to get my degree by the end of this year and i didnt want to go through it while working but i guess that's what i'll have to do to see my king hoseok. and with all the low self-esteem that the end year parties bring as usual, im feeling terrible about my own self so yeah it checks out, the usual new year sentiment. amazing.

anyways, for all of this,, with all of this, it made me realize that i wish i had someone to talk about elvis and my feelings about some stuff cuz it only matters to me and to someone whose validation on me would make me feel comfortable since they know me and have the same standards as me. im feeling sorry for myself for losing the only person that had my heart and brain and ears, it really sucks, you guys. i have been lonely ever since and it only hurts me. nobody knows me. it's my fault but not only mine. wish i had someone. that's all i wish.

and i think 2025 is gonna be worse but im gonna try a bunch of things to make me overcome my state i need to get out of here and live the lonely bearable life i envisioned for myself until i kill myself when i hit like 40-50. sounds about ok.

[rosegoldenatlas]

sleepy sleepy bedtime

so.

mostly good day today! (i mean not good by normal people standards but like better than my usual)

WENT TO THE MONTEREY BAY AQUARIUM!!! I LOVE THE AQUARIUM SO MUCH IVE BEEN GOING THERE SINCE I WAS A KID AND AAAAAAAAH THE FISHIES

also we were there to watch the deep see tank get fed and it was life changing

also the sea otters got fed while we were there and it was adorable

also i got to pet a deep sea isopod

also: got ears peirced finaly!

so thats nice

i WANTED to buy these GORGEOUS dark blue and black jellyfish earings i found at the museum store but my mother wouldnt let me even though i was gonna pay with my own money (and like i know i cant switch out the earings for a few months to make sure it doesnt get infected but still. angry. they would have been amazing. someday when i am older i shall return and buy them for myself)

oh also i dont think i mentioned it but i blocked my ex a little while back and its so nice and freeing and like they are technicaly my boss so this will probably bite me in the ass but shhhhh

oh also i watched the show KAOS on netflix and i am PISSED that they canceled the second season even though it was AMAZING. i need to kill netflix.

also i have to share a room with my sibling which means i basicaly never get to stop masking and unwind and this is going to kill me i hate them i hate this family so much i need space i need room to breathe i hate everything

anyways. good night sweet prince

stay awesome

Mm bedtime.

YAY GOOD DAY

OOooo fishies :))) I can't say fishies are my favorite (unless we eating good) but I do like jellyfish, sharks, gators, otters, seals, rays (sting and manta) and gators/crocs (manatees lost their spot in the list after I've seen them a bajillion times but for some reason crocs and gators are still cool)

DEEP SEA TANK OHOHOHOOOO I LOVE THE DEEP SEA CRAWLEY GUYS THEYRE SO SILLY

OTTERS SEA PUPPIES <3333

isopods... Mm interesting but ugly.

EARS PIERCED!!!!

(I don't like needles so I could never but I'm glad your happy with it, I bet you would look great with hanging ones. You don't seem like a stud type for some reason idk

JELLYFISH EARRINGS ARE TOP TIER HOW DARE SHE. I WILL MURDER HER FOR YOU.

HAHAHAH BLOCKED BITCH. also ick she's your boss??? Did you date be4 she became your boss or after bc did nobody ever tell you not to date your coworkers? (/hj) it usually ends bad

Oh I've heard of that show!!! I didn't watch bc of said cancelling and such (I would crave for more and it would end badly)

Yeah. I know the feeling. I just got my own room for the first time a few months ago. It was suffocating. But I managed through sheer force of will and 'sleeping a lot' AKA: full body under abt 3 or 4 blankets to get rid of all the light and also to feel heavy on me (I'm used to the heat thank god) and had very quiet breakdowns there. Also we bought this Japanese divider (the cherry blossom one) to divy up the room a little, helped a lot that did(though IG made our tiny room feel even timer but it was a small price)

And you as well

bows down an lightly kisses your knuckles like princes do for the princesses in movies

[alwastakenofc]

hmmmmm so ! lesser-than-before rant incoming :)

i’ve been playing this game on my phone for the last 3ish weeks bc i’m tryna get $80 from getting to “grand sultan” level thru this app that gives me games to download and rewards me for playing them/hitting checkpoints and stuff idk it’s rly cool but that’s besides the point ! so i figured i would Bounce after the month is up bc like it’s just a gimmicky pay-to-win kind of game where if u don’t keep up daily u fall behind, BUT there’s also a Huge player base for the game (which makes it fun but also gives it that rly insanely competitive edge that makes it hard to miss days without feeling like ur behind). so one of the things i had to do was join a union/guild where i am partnered up with ppl like the guild leader and co-leader and elites and others members ya know? and we can do quests and stuff and it just gives u a good boost to everything which obviously helps u level faster ! so i was like “hmmmm maybe ill make one…” but then i noticed ppl talking in the all chat saying how they’re not new, this is their 3rd, 4th, 5th+ server that they’re hopping on bc they wanna start over again, etc etc so i was like “…. nah im not making my own union LOL” so i ended up joining this one that had free slots and rly didn’t like the guy leading it bc he was kinda rude… so i left, changed my name/avatar, and DM’d the leader of this guild i had my eye on in the first place but was full at the time! they now had 1 space free and i had to wait 24 hours to join bc i just left my last guild… so she said she’d save the spot and BAM, i got in! we talked in DMs abt how i left my last guild bc No One except the leader talked and when he did it was to Demand things from us like “Everyone better donate 200 diamonds or else.” and stuff!! lmao

SO. fast forward to now. it’s been about 3 weeks in the guild and MANNNNNN IVE MADE A FEW FRIENDS, THEYRE ALL SO NICEEEEE 🥺 me and a couple other guild members were up til Midnight last night just talking abt life and where we wanna travel and our jobs and education and Everything !! it was so wholesome and nice and so just idk. pure and innocent and Fun to just have casual conversations with ppl that were complete strangers 2 weeks ago, but who ive gotten closer to and now can have those nice long convos with !! and it was all just in the guild chat so anyone could read the next day lol but idc ! it was fun! plus my name on the game is selene which is Not my real name lol i just like the name a lot and it always makes me giggle when they say “lol, i know right selene??” and stuff and im like heh.. yea, das me 😎 idk the guild leader gave me the “life of the party” tag and said she loves my energy and it just feels so good bc i know i am just so cripplingly socially anxious irl and that’s why i can talk so easily online and love talking online so much more. like im still ME, but… not Fully being perceived to a point where i feel uncomfy or anything LOL . it’s been nice

i think imma keep playing after the month is up, i rly enjoy my guild and the ppl ive met thru it :’)

ANYWAYS!! i also think im gonna go to therapy/go to my family doctor to get reccs on therapists and maybe a psychiatrist? psychologist? idk i wanna get evaluated for… well let’s just save that for when i get evaluated bc if i don’t even have anything wrong with me and my dumbass rly gets laughed out of the office by the doctor saying “LUL no u rly just gotta try harder bruh” imma feel like a damn Fool LMAO. BUT yeah. that’ll hopefully be a thing i book this month.

also gonna be responsible and Not over spend on food when i get paid, like delivery and whatnot… but i Will be buying lifetime subscriptions to a couple japanese apps on my phone that i think will be easy access and help me learn japanese to a point of comfortability before i start college again. 😎

OKAY IM DONE WHEW. rant over :)

[iratusmus]

ive been sitting on this for like . months. i know this is like target audience: ME . but i dont care im subjecting the rest of you to it too.

should be noted that this is for an incredibly stupid au that im not going to bother explaining here . a total of like three people probably know what im talking but basically iykyk. will be happy to elaborate though if you ask. anyways fiona/scourge/finitevus/lien-da riichi mahjong nights headcanons

the whole stupid thing starts because fiona watches this dumb anime [knock-off of the legend of koizumi]. the premise is, amongst an... indescribable amount of stupidity, world politics basically runs on mahjong (riichi mahjong, specifically). lots of idiocy devolves from this. i think scourge would probably not enjoy it as much because 1) this requires some knowledge of current. ACTUALLY WAIT FUNNIEST POSSIBLE DIRECTION. legend of koizumi but with famous echidnaopolis/albion figures. okay so 1) this requires some knowledge of echidna history but scourge slept through all of the history lessons so he hasnt the faintest clue who any of these people are 2) following along with the game (while not necessary, you can still get enjoyment out of it without knowing anything abt mahjong through the stupidity of the people playing, but again the problem remains that he doesnt know who ANY of these people are) is borderline impossible and he's mostly just confused the whole time and 3) not enough violence. like yeah people die but thats after they sit and place tiles in orders he doesnt understand for reasons he also doesnt understand dramatically. fiona, though, who put in marginally more effort into her history lessons and is open to picking up new skills decides that she wants to learn how to play riichi mahjong.

so she introduces it to finitevus, who is. okay because on one hand he doesnt respect like almost anybody in this stupid show because they're all arrogant self-important morons, but on the other hand its also kind of offensive. like really offensive. like appallingly offensive. i... honestly i dont know how he would react. also its just really stupid like its so stupid. it has absolutely nothing meaningful or significant to say. its not like. the worst he's ever been forced to sit through (real housewives of mobotropolis was . a lot) but its still pretty bad. either way somehow fiona convinces him to pick mahjong up (after she forces him to sit through a few episodes) because its like um a strategy game and itll like totally . make them smarter, or something. its education right

somehow lien-da gets roped into this (blackmail, maybe?) and they play on the weekends

playing styles:

scourge: incredibly aggressive. "the best defense is a good offense. or even a mediocre offense. or any offense at all." is more or less his motto. cant be bothered to attempt with strategy, doesnt even look at anybody else's discards outside of seeing if he can pick them up to add to his own hand. should be noted that the only reason he doesnt cheat is because it requires too much paying attention to whats going on in the game. usually skirts by through winning before anybody else can. looks for the easiest & most convenient hand and will always try to win as opposed to cutting his losses (after an attempt to score big falls through). often deals into other people's hands. has a stupid amount of luck and has definitely gotten more yakuman than the rest of the group combined. usually ends up with an open hand, doesnt care at all. VERY easy to read, negative poker face.

fiona: tends to lean more on defensive but will sometimes go for a more aggressive style depending on how she's feeling. relatively new to mahjong strategy so mostly just trying to juggle betaori/suji/kabe and doing a mediocre job of it most of the time. on occasion if she gets frustrated or overconfident, she'll just drop the whole thing and only put a minimal focus on defense. doesn't deal into other people's hands too often but when she does its usually into finitevus'. she's picking up tricks from him though and is getting progressively harder to read. prefers a closed hand but if its convenient she's fine with an open one. has a good poker face.

finitevus: very defensive and exclusively aims for really good hands. perfectly fine with cutting his losses in the short run to focus on not dealing in. oftentimes will swoop in in the last few rounds with a crushing defeat for everybody else. really good at reading other people & their hands. can and will use suji to trip other people up. could not be more disgusted that 90% of scourge's wins come via pure luck as opposed to anything else. prefers to keep his hand closed if at all possible. perfect poker face, very hard to read. [+ designated score calculator. calculates it all in his head]

lien-da: generally tries to go for a more defensive/strategic style at first but usually gets overconfident and throws caution to the wind, getting progressively more aggressive (esp when she has a good hand). by the end she still keeps an eye on everybody else's discards for furiten, but not much more than that - other defensive strategies are too time consuming and require too much effort on her part. tries really hard to have a closed hand at the beginning of the game but usually gives up by the end. relatively easy to read, sporting a very mediocre to bad poker face.

win rankings go as follows: finitevus, fiona, scourge (PURELY through luck. keeps randomly getting yakuman to the chagrin of literally everybody else. they are all so mad about this because he doesnt deserve it not even a little bit), lien-da

[maiverie]

( ୨୧ ) ── ꒰ update ! ꒱

hi hi everyone !! just wanted to share a super quick update <3 i know this account hasn't been properly active in a month so i firstly wanted to apologise for the inactivity and also keep u all in the loop abt what i have planned in the future :>

( note : it's kinda late here so i'll answer asks tmr :0 <3 )

ㅤㅤ↳ the reason for my inactivity is quite multifactorial but boils down to a lack of motivation to write / be on tumblr + many commitments irl !! ive been working + studying a lot, which has kept me busy :(

ㅤㅤ↳ i don't have plans to deactivate this acc or anything so don't be concerned about that!! not that anyone would even care saslkddjsj just wanna put that out there!! i still very much have a passion for writing, though admittedly my motivation has taken a bit of a hit. nothing really to do with you guys / tumblr,,, i think i just have a tendency to overthink things and sometimes writing can be stressful when ur brain literally mf hates itself :’>

ㅤㅤ↳ a few months ago i reached a new milestone (4 digits!!! that is literally so effing slay IM CRYING) but didn't get the chance to say anything soooo THANK U ALL SOOO MUCHHHH AAAA im seriously in awe at that number because tbh i really don't feel like i've achieved much w this acc T_T sometimes im super embarrassed that my masterlist is so puny and i've only got the one completed fic,, but reaching such a cool milestone is more than enough for me to be utterly grateful. in saying that, i'm so so so sorry abt how horrible my updating schedule is :’’> i'll definitely try to work on it and be more consistent :( in the meantime, if anyone has any idea on like milestone ideas then pls pls pls lmk *-* <333

ㅤㅤ↳ anyways, if you're wondering what my plans are next, the first thing i want to do is update & finally complete triage !!! i have about 2-3k written so far but the final chapter will probably reach 7k+ (kms) :’’> i have sm wips i want to publish and start, but i probably won't do anything about them until my other ongoing fics (misconduct and doublespeak) are on a somewhat steady trajectory to getting finished (i.e. i have a good understanding of where they're headed).

ㅤㅤ↳ to any moots that are reading this (but tbh blr literally looks so dead that i wouldn't even be surprised if nobody sees / reads this HAHAHS), i will defs catch up on all ur updates <33 i really wanna be active again on this acc so ill probably be reaching out sometime soon to say hi :’>

ㅤㅤ↳ lastly, i noticed some people are recommending my fics and asldk;fjl;kjew im literally crying like it genuinely makes me so happy that people are even reading my shit like?? hello?? yall got some questionable ass taste but tysm for enjoying my fics :< i gen love yall sm u !! don't !! even !! know !! sooo yeah thank you so much for all the likes, comments, reblogs, recommendations, or any other sliver of interaction bc yall are the best and i love writing and i love enhypen and i love u all MWAH MWAH MWAH !! anyway i'm probably gna sleep now but tysm for reading this long ass post aksjjadjss ill answer asks tmr!!!

ㅤㅤ— lots and lots of luv from mai <333

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