#anyway wouldn't it just be better to publish original fiction

[wernerherzogs]

the thing is. i can't even fully make fun of bucktommies for their tommy takes given what continues to be done to my man eddie diaz. like at least tommy's a canvas blank enough that even batshit insane headcanons with zero basis in show's canon are like. eyeroll worthy to me at most. because that man does not matter longterm at all. but with eddie it's like some of you can't envision gayness if it doesn't fit a Recognizable Media Stereotype. so he's been repressed his whole life and hasn't lived a single genuine experience ever yet and everything he does is a performance and he doesn't know how to be A Man because he's secretly an elder sister. despite nothing in canon even remotely indicating that as he's been perfectly normal about being a man who's a single parent all this time. he literally only worries about the emotional side of him not meeting the societal/parental standards of Being A Man Who's A Single Father. his ptsd is a not mental or canon enough a canon mental illness you guys are now forcing an entire dsm-5 on him. he secretly longs to be a weho fag who wears cashmere sweaters and has a purse dog or a cat and he's only overcompensating with his truck because god forbid his fashion sense or current hobbies were genuine. meeting kim was a psychotic break instead of a network procedural character dealing with seeing a dead copy of his late wife in a genuinely the most normal way possible under the circumstances. like why are you twisting this guy into shapes he's not because otherwise you just can't buy him being queer/gay like... do you only know bi sluts and formerly repressed broadway gays in real life with no in between? is that it. because buck is another fascinating part of this. his characterization seems fairly consistent no matter where on the top-bottom spectrum people put him. is it because bisexuality has a smaller amount of stereotypes associated with it so you don't feel the need of implying he's been performing everything his entire life like what's going on. and being a Bi Slut has actually canon room to exist here, so it's naturally never been an issue. but he can be a late bloomer bi and yet no one accuses him of only overcompensating with his truck or being a passenger princess despite tommy driving him around and he can be your dom top while still regularly displaying an affinity for things stereotypically viewed as female-coded (as cooking/baking, even for his girlfriend taylor, or cooing after newborn babies like a fic-worthy omega in heat). those specific things either get ignored or dialed up to eleven in fic but he's still ol' good fun buck who aches and wants to be loved and has his abandonment issues and sex issues and so on and so forth but remains fairly recognizable and mostly true to canon every time in the eyes of bajillion different writers. why is he immune while eddie isn't why are you respectful of canon when it comes to buck but eddie's suddenly in a hbo show and not a network procedural when transported into the fic realm can someone explain this.

[olderthannetfic]

Book recommendation anon here

Yeah you've hit the nail on the head. But also made me question if I know what I want looool. As things stand, the books I read of whatever genre are overwhelmingly straight and it makes me a little sad. I'm not looking for tropey things and yeah, when I search for lbgt fiction that's not what I want either. I guess i just want to find the books that are about gay relationships in the way that gen books are about straight relationships. I don't even need it to be a b plot! The older I get the more it feels that anything I buy in a highstreet bookshop is set in an au in which lbgt people do not exist. Does that make sense?

I know I can go to lbgt booksellers but I don't know how to avoid books that are centred around being gay. I guess, I feel like the real world has moved past 'gay' being a sticking point and I live my day to day life crossing paths with lbgt people just living their lives and then everything I read that's not fic is just lacking that. I know that is largely because of how new it is for lbgt life to be like this. Published fiction is 99% straight. But I guess I wish there was somewhere I could go to speak to other readers who happen to be lbgt but are readers first and for them to go 'oh I really liked this character, he was just like me or my friend or my partner'. I guess I just want background gays? Or main characters who happen to be gay but that's not the story.

Your books look fun actually! I think I'll check them out.

I'm a complete genre whore which is part of the problem lol. I'm not looking for 'gay scifi' or 'gay romance' I just want some of the books I read to represent the world as I see it. I love mystery books, thrillers, adventure stories, I'll read any kind of fantasy (not a great fan of really long series cause I either lose time and read 7 books in a few weeks or I lose interest half way), I'll read historical works. Ones set in mundane real life, ones set in created worlds. I try and avoid stories that are too scary lol as I get really taken in by them, but I do end up reading quite a few of them anyway. I do love a romance tbh but it has to be done well and I've never been able to figure out exactly what I want from them. A lot of men in het romance books are frankly terrifying, and their love interests wouldn't know a red flag if it hit them in the face. I don't like anything that's too forgiving of its characters i guess? I want them to feel real and part of that is them having the humanity to make mistakes but if I feel like the author doesn't Know they've written a Bad Person tm I get weirded out lol. Nothing better than a misguided character that the author has fully intended to be misguided. I don't need them therapised. I do like an acknowledgement from the author that people aren't good or bad and I like the characters I read to show that. I love a sympathetic bad person. And... this is telling you nothing about what I like to read lol.

I guess the main thing is that I'll read anything as long as it grips me. 'Well written' is very subjective isn't it. I want to be caught up in it, I don't want to be thrown out of the story by dialogue I can't follow or an arc which even the author doesn't seem to be sure of. I don't actually mind overly flowery writing, I love learning new words lol. But really long sentences annoy me (very hypocritical I know. My formal writing is about as convoluted as this). I'm pretty forgiving of most things if I like what I'm reading tbh. I'm not a past tense purist and I'll put up with a inconsistent character if I can see they are supposed to be like that.

I read the seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo recent-ish ly and I liked the f/f relationship in that. I've enjoyed Sarah waters books which are historical lesbian romance, so I'll def go for 'lbgt fiction' I just need other stuff going on. I need an actual story, not just a coffee shop au plunged in to a original story. Honestly if you go for space opera at all, you should read a matter of oaths, it was fab. I was guessing right till the end, did not expect it at all. The only thing I'd change about it is I'd love more tbh. A sequel would be fab. I love things with twists, so I'll read just about any kind of mystery. Anything where the narrative is untangling a story that already happened is fun. I enjoy gillian flynn, David Mitchell, honestly I'll pretty much read anything. I get a lot of my books second hand or from my libraries ebook service (this is pretty limited) so I read a lot of the award winners a few years late, where everyone bought it and now I can get it cheap. That said I've never had any interest in fifty shades or any popular ya books in the years since I've been a young adult lol. I mainly want to read about people around my age. 30s or so if it's more of a mundane life story. If the story takes you outside of every day life then I care less about ages. I've read some great stories with older protagonists.

Hmmmm I guess I don't know enough about what I'm looking for for ppl to recommend actual books which is fair enough as I'm massively picky and that doesn't work with ppl I know Irl either but like... where are you guys going for book reviews??? I'm gonna check out what ppl have mentioned in the notes of that post but yeah i think i need some go to places for reviews. Maybe that's where I should be starting.

--

It's definitely a problem. I'm not big on gay lit myself for similar reasons.

As far as I know, mystery has a longer history of including more queerness, though of course, the farther back you go, the more of it is tragedy.

where are you guys going for book reviews???

Frankly, nowhere.

All sources of queer book reviews I've found have been completely useless to me. Only lists of what exists have been useful, not lists that try to tell me what's "good".

I'll google "gay werewolf FBI" and then judge for myself what's garbage and what's at least up to the level of bad fic I'd read anyway. I've found plenty I've liked well enough to read. I haven't found so much I'd unequivocally rec, especially if someone is looking for high quality prose.

And horror of horrors, a lot of authors I once liked seem to have reacted to pandemic stress by taking all of the conflict out of their books.

[kitkatt0430]

I don't like writing fanfiction of real people like Dunkirk or Band of Brothers. Especially real person & y/n. It feels so wrong.

I also don't like fanfiction of things like Dunkirk but that's because I'm not a huge historical fiction reader to begin with. I did enjoy the Dear America series some as a kid, which was a series of fictional diaries written primarily - if not entirely - about what girls who lived through different time periods and historical events would have experienced. There was one for the Titanic I remember enjoying in particular, though I can't for the life of me remember what actually happened beyond the girl surviving the ship's sinking. And I do have a special place in my heart for tv shows like MASH and Hogan's Heroes, so I don't automatically check out on something for being historical fiction - I think I just tend to prefer my historical fiction not to be in written format.

To me, fanfiction that use real life historical settings are pretty much the same thing as historical fiction and historical fiction is basically someone writing a 'more legitimate' fanfic about history but with (mostly) original characters. Explains a lot about Abraham Lincoln fighting Vampires if you look at it through the lens of fanfic, anyway.

As for RPF and self-insert fics like Y/N types... I can definitely get why a lot of people don't like those. I wouldn't call those genres wrong - with the many recurring puritanical movements that have come and gone over the years, I don't want to fall into the kind of trap that valuing certain expressions of fandom as bad and others as good. Though to be clear this is a personal preference for how I talk about fanfic and not something I expect from others.

I think a lot of the criticism of RPF tends to forget that Real Person Fiction is a very popular sub genre of historical fiction. It's Abraham Lincoln fighting vampires and Doctor Who having the Doctor and Martha inspiring Shakespeare's writing or Rory putting Hitler in a closet or fighting ghosts in the gaslight with Charles Dickens. That a lot of RPF fanfic is centered on current celebrities instead of historical figures... well, today's celebrities are tomorrow's historical figures. There's really no difference beyond 'fanfic' RPF being amateur work and published fiction isn't. Why do I like Doctor Who doing it but not random fanfic authors? Doctor Who does it better and is more likely to pick celebrities or historical figures I actually find interesting. And then next week it's pepper pots armed with plungers. Though, to be perfectly honest, I just don't care all that much about the personal lives of today's celebrities or yesterday's historical figures either way.

Y/N fics are basically original character fics with the names filed off at heart so those have never bugged me all that much. I know that the 'insert your name here' thing is what makes them unreadable to a lot of people - being told that to read this fic you have to put your self in there and imagine yourself doing or saying whatever the Y/N character does... it can be really off putting or even turn into a major squick, especially when you know you'd handle things radically differently from the Y/N in the story. But they're still, at heart, just original character fics. After all, a lot of OCs have historically started as self insert characters with cool names. So when I'm in the right mood, I can read a Y/N type fic and just substitute in a cool name that is not mine and enjoy a fic about someone's OC getting to hang out with (or romance, admittedly, Y/N is primarily a romance heavy genre) some of my favorite characters. If I'm not in the right mood for it then the Y/N stuff gets annoying because I'm having to mentally sub in whatever name I picked (I know there are browser extensions that'll do this but I'm lazy) and it's too much mental effort. But even then it's not about the fact that the fic is a Y/N but that I'm just not in the right headspace for it.

[kaesaaurelia]

Apropos of the last reblog... whenever I have had doubts about the 1926 fic being well-received in fandom (I had a crisis about this when S2 was announced, and also again when S2 happened) [edit: also I'm using "well-received" as a euphemism for "I won't get crickets and will not get more than 5 people telling me I don't know canon"], my therapist is just like "Why don't you just publish it [commercially as original fiction]?" And like... I don't want to, that should be enough, but I foolishly make the mistake of saying "I don't want to do that, because I'd hate the result and it wouldn't sell anyway." But it's true.

First off, I'd have to fundamentally change the characterizations of not-Aziraphale and not-Crowley to be comfortable with publishing it, in ways that would make them much less appealing to me, because I like those characters. I could see myself writing origfic about Vehuel and Nisroc, and have posted some stuff to AO3 tagged "origfic" because people who would like it will find it more easily there than in the GO tag, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable publishing it for profit unless I changed the setting completely so it wasn't Comically Bureaucratic Heaven and Hell -- which I'd also want to do with the 1926 fic, because everyone who's read or seen Good Omens is going to instantly recognize it. It's not bad to be influenced by something, of course, but look, if I have to rework both the setting AND the characters that's a lot of work to make a story less itself. Had I had more interesting-to-me ideas for either story or characters I would have written those instead.

The other issue is I do not think she understands how LONG it is. People who aren't writers hear "1000 words" and think "wow that's a lot of words, that's like 20 pages, right?" People who aren't writers hear "400k words" and think "wow that's a lot of words, that's like a hundred pages, right?" People who are writers understand that 1000 words is the point during an average NaNoWriMo day where you're like "I don't think I can do this actually," and then you're annoyed with yourself because you barely wrote a page and a half, and that 400k words is "oh no the idea got away from them, RIP." No traditional publisher wants to publish something that's 400k unless it's by George R. R. Martin and it is specifically the thing they've been waiting for him to finish for several presidential administrations.

So I'd have to self-pub. Which I don't really feel like doing because, bluntly, I would not get anything out of it. I do not know how to market a 400k book that is a historical action/adventure story with a substantial queer romance B-plot, but also a lot of it is torture porn, but not like that, it's not dark romance, the romance is fluffy. There isn't a good marketing niche for this. I'd either have to take out the sex scenes or rewrite them to be more appealing to the market (which means less appealing to me, a person who has found maybe one explicit sex scene in self-published fiction that I was into, and surprise surprise, the author's webpage linked to their AO3 account) and if I rewrote them I'd probably do better condensing the story down drastically to 15-20k of mostly porn with a light dusting of historical fantasy, which is not what I wrote.

But back to the marketing: I'd have to build a social media following, something I am not good at, on a social media site that is doing well and not in crisis (how??? where???) and all my insecurities about posting things online would be magnified a hundredfold if a. I had to do that and b. money was on the line. If I'm posting on AO3, I won't get money, but I will (very occasionally) get people telling me they liked it, which I will probably enjoy much more.

Anyway, I don't want to go into all of this with my therapist because she keeps doubting any of these assertions -- as if I do not keep up with publishing drama, or know self-pub authors, or understand that fans can diagnose "they painted landlord white over my blorbos to publish this" at 50 paces -- so it takes the whole hour.

But when I just leave it as "I don't want to do that, because I'd hate the result and it wouldn't sell anyway" she hears it as "I don't think my writing is good and I think no one likes it [clearly a symptom of depression]" but what I am trying to convey is "I don't want to take a sledgehammer to my favorite things about this story just so I can pitch it to a commercial audience I didn't have in mind when I wrote it, and I do not want to waste my free time and energy for socializing professionally trying to get people to like me on social media, something you know full well makes me deeply unhappy even at a small scale."

[didimentionthatimawriter]

You know what? F*** it, I'm gonna write cringe fanfiction as an adult

I'm not a teenager anymore but I still indulge in fandom. And the thing about hitting your mid-twenties and still simping for fictional characters and getting the itch to write fanfiction is, for me anyway, I felt like I was supposed to outgrow this by now. I have multiple degrees, I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, I pay rent and have a full time job with benefits and everything.

Yet here I am, still in the same mental space as when I was seventeen.

Thing is, I'm a writer. Have been for as long as I can remember. And the other problem with hitting my mid-twenties and not being where I want career-wise is I'm suddenly afraid I'm wasting my time, that getting this job was a mistake that is starving me creatively because suddenly I'm dedicating nine hours a day to my job and don't have the time to write anymore (which I know is BS because I can totally make time, I just don't).

I've fallen into the same trap that every artist eventually falls into once money gets involved: I'm not writing for myself anymore, I'm writing for a publisher. A publisher that doesn't exist since I haven't been published yet. I have SO MANY ideas and I want to write them down but as soon as I go to do that I just can't make myself. It's like my brain is too exhausted.

So I'm issuing a challenge to myself. The most obvious fix for this is to set up a writing routine for myself that I do every day. It's how I was able to write my first novel. And to get it started I'm going to write and post something that can't make any money: a cringey af reader insert fanfiction that I've been planning in my head since 2016. It has to be this one specifically because a lot of my other fanfiction also falls into the trap of "But what if I scratch off the serial numbers and publish it as an original work?" F*** that. I want to write something that publishers wouldn't bat an eye at but readers would actually enjoy. With updates once a week or something. Because in the end, writing fanfiction isn't financially viable but it's better than not writing anything at all.

[reginavulturum]

The End of a Long Hiatus

I just went and looked at my fanfiction.net account and I realized I haven't posted fanfic in over ten years. And as I'm trying to figure out how to use Ao3 I keep asking myself, do I really want to start posting stuff again? Do I really want to share this part of myself with the people who will read my writings (if any do)? I don't know, over the past decade I've become an incredibly private person so publishing anything again at all is an almost painful experience. I just know that there's something in me as a writer, and I think this is true for many writers, that wants my work to be seen and appreciated.

For so many years I've been too demotivated by depression to write much of anything let alone something publishable. I feel like a fish that's forgotten how to swim and has just been floating in place for years. It isn't just writing either, it's been everything in my life for so, so long just sitting at a standstill. It's only very recently that I've started to move even a little bit forward in life again. Maybe, I really just need to take the view that posting again is less like me seeking an audience and more like me celebrating for the world to see that I'm moving past a very difficult chapter in my life. Y'know, something cheesy and overly sentimental like that.

I have plans to post a Batman Beyond one shot on Christmas Eve and I'm approximately 3/4-3/5ths of the way through an Ahsoka-centric Star Wars fanfic (I promised myself that if I started posting again that I wouldn't post anything that wasn't complete). I really do hope when I start publishing these things that people will like them, but I'm just going to let myself be happy that I'm able to publish again at all. As usual, the hardest thing for me to write for is my original fiction, but by working on these fanfics I feel I've been developing new skills and better habits that I think will help me when writing my own stories. I guess, in conclusion to this post...uhh...something something the mortifying ordeal of being known...anyway, block me if you don't want to see my ramblings...

Vulture Queen out *finger guns*

[roachliquid]

Roach Reviews: Some Good Lovecraftian Art: Part 1: Glorious

"Lovecraftian" is such an unhelpful label to put on art at this point. It covers everything from commercially-driven Call of Cthulhu (the story, not the game) knockoffs. to works that have a tangential relationship to the Yog-Sothothery at best. to horror that just happens to be gothic and/or weird. I think a lot of works get labeled as Lovecraftian not out of serious artistic consideration, but because Lovecraft is widely regarded as a "master" (lmfao) and people see comparing other works to his as an easy shorthand compliment. Unfortunately this leads to the term becoming muddied and eventually useless.

That doesn't interest me, though. It's shitty and boring and doesn't help anyone. So instead, I'm going to talk about some original works that I find both truly Lovecraftian - in the sense that they derive from his works in a way that at least somewhat understands their themes - and just plain good.

These are in no particular order, and I make no claims of representing the entire corpus of Lovecraftian art; this is just some shit I really like. And since I'm going to be talking at length about these, this is going to be a series; in this first installment we are covering a recent movie release.

Glorious (2022, dir. Rebekah McKendry)

Did you know that the reason At the Mountains of Madness was deemed "unfilmable" was not because it would be technically challenging or overambitious, but because Hollywood executives couldn't figure out how to market it? One of the biggest problems, apparently, was that the cast didn't have any attractive women in it.

Anyway, Glorious is about a man who is trapped in a restroom where he talks to a glory hole voiced by J.K. Simmons. Since the movie came out fairly recently, you've probably already heard about it, but I'm here to give it my personal stamp of approval. It's hard to say much about this movie without spoiling it, so I'll give it my best shot.

First of all, let's talk about the Lovecraft connection. The character talking through the glory hole is Ghatanothoa, who was first introduced in "Out of the Aeons", a story ghostwritten by Lovecraft for one Hazel Heald. The character would go on to feature in Lin Carter's Xothic legend cycle, published between 1971 and 1981. However, the Ghatanothoa in the movie diverges a bit from both of these sources, having his own unique origin and purpose that drive much of the story.

What is that purpose? Well, that's a huge spoiler, by which I mean less that it's a big reveal in-universe and more that this movie is better watched as blind as possible. So instead, I'm going to attempt to talk about what makes the movie good.

I actually put off watching this movie for several months because I wasn't sure I could actually get through it. Is the story interesting? Is one guy talking to a hole enough to carry a movie and keep my ADHD brain awake from passing out? Turns out the answer is yes. Not only is Ryan Kwanten a fantastic physical actor, playing off the restroom's space with a dynamic energy that is great to watch, the film makes great use of camera angles and some other devious tricks (like gradually revealing aspects of what's going on) to keep things from getting stale.

So, on to the next important question: s it Lovecraftian? You could easily debate that it isn't; after all, it bears no obvious trappings of Gothic fiction, nor does it feature many of the hallmarks most traditionally associated with Lovecraft's best-known work. But if we define the genre as only what is best known, then many of the author's own works wouldn't qualify as Lovecraftian. The guy repeated himself occasionally, but he was far from a one-trick pony.

And ultimately, the story uses several elements that I feel make the cut. It deals with themes of isolation, mental and emotional torment, and grief, in a way that is heavily evocative both of the Gothic genre and of Lovecraft's own personality. The cosmic horror, meanwhile, is here not to represent those personal feelings, but as a potent illustration of the self-centeredness of obsessing over one's own misery - again a very genre-fitting message. I doubt that this vague sort of meta-criticism is intentional - most likely it's just a "if the shoe fits" situation, as Lovecraft was frequently guilty of exhibiting Gothic villain behaviors in real life - but it's certainly interesting.

But I digress. Yes, I would argue, it's Lovecraftian - as an intimate tale of horror that marries personal pain to cosmic terrors, a fresh and inventive yet thematically faithful take on the Mythos. It's also a damn good movie, if my exuberance so far hasn't made it obvious. If you enjoyed 1408, are into Lovecraft deep cuts, or both of those things, this is definitely the movie for you.

[fictiophillia]

Doing the trend

Bitches come and go- brwah, but you know I stay

With The Brothers + extras

gender neutral (pronouns weren't used)

Lucifer

You suggested.

He didn't know the trend.

And he also didn't want to do it.

As if he had a choice lmao.

Didn't mouth the word "bitches" ・—・

"Do we need to be this close?"

He liked that closeness tho-

Mammon

SO- HEAR ME OUT-

He already was happy when you told him you wanted to do a trend with him.

But he got somehow happier when you mouthed the lyrics "but you know I stay" close to him with passion on your eyes and a smile on your lips.

He himself doesn't even know why.

Probably cried.

And that probably was catch in vídeo.

Which people probably found cute and made it go to that Top Trend Videos.

Leviathan

He wanted to ask you but he was shy about it so it had to be eventually you who asked.

Moved away embarrassed before the time when he was supposed to.

You tried more times.

And he would do the same every try.

So you just published the better one.

You both wanted something romantic but all you got was a fail for people (including you both) to (respectfully) laugh to- (probably went viral LMAO)

Asmodeus

Was excited when you proposed that to him.

You both nailed it ✨

I imagine that it had like red led lights ambient yk

Like the lights aren't even noticeable just the ambient color.

It was the most romantic and passionate video of that trend, and probably got into the tops, congrats.

Satan

Wasn't exactly excited about that but he also didn't say nO-

This is funny to me because he's an INTJ and I'm also an INTJ so I just imagine we both doing it emotionless LMAOOO😭

But if you're not an INTJ or something of that kind (if you're ENFP.... ESTP.... ENTP...) then it would probably be chill.

Even cute not gonna lie.

Like he's all calm and you're excited 😭❤️

Beelzebub

Agreed but didn't show many emotions while doing it 🤠👍

Also didn't mouth the word "bitches" 🕴️

Like Lucifer's it didn't go viral--

But at least it was good.

And he really enjoyed doing it with you :)

Will ask to do more trends with you ❤️

Belphegor

OK SO THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE WAS SO HAPPY WHEN YOU ASKED HIM TO DO THE TREND WITH YOU- but still had the audacity to deny-

He's just too lazy to move 😭 he would even say something like "i prefer sleeping".

So you two just do the trend with him laying down and you on top of him like a dominate dom 💪👺

It was so original at the time that it also got a low of views (but didn't reach the viral. F.).

Simeon

Another one that didn't mouth "bitches".

(like duh that wouldn't be very angelic)

Soft the whole time.

You two shared the place of "prettiest couple" in the trend along with Mammon

SEPARATELY LMAO THIS AIN'T POLY😭

Sadly ^

Sorry I'm just such a simp for both

Pls they're so pretty and kind and-

Solomon

You seriously wanna do the trend with him...? 😐

Like.... do you need glasses or....?

But anyways- I'm not here to discuss bad tastes in fictional men.

I don't know, yours went pretty normal

One more video of that trend, that's it.

Diavolo

Was also excited to do it with you ❤️

He would ask to do the trend.

But I don't see him being much into tiktok and social media-

cof cof boomer cof cof /j

The video went smoothly, you both were so cute to view 💕

Barbatos

Didn't know what the fuck you just asked him but agreed.

Once you explained it to him he was more than glad to do it with you.

As if he wasn't before already 🙄

Like he felt honored you even wanted to do something with him.

In common with Mammon and Levi he would also feel glad that you even published it.

For them it meant much, like you weren't ashamed to be seen with them aaa💞

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Chapter 22: Invitations

Also on ao3

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TT: I apologize if I’m currently intruding on your personal time, but I would like to invite you to a party I am throwing soon.

CG: HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU BE INTRUDING ON MY PERSONAL TIME? CG: I THINK WE KNOW EACH OTHER WELL ENOUGH FOR YOU TO MESSAGE ME WHENEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. CG: EVEN IF IT’S THREE IN THE MORNING, BUT I’D STILL YELL AT YOU FOR WAKING ME UP LIKE ANY REASONABLE PERSON WOULD.

TT: Noted. TT: Well, anyway, I am personally inviting you to a celebratory party I’m throwing to commemorate the publishing of my newest book.

CG: OH! CG: CONGRATULATIONS!

TT: Yes, I will be excited to relax for the next couple of weeks instead of frantically writing in an effort to meet an arbitrary deadline. TT: There is the exception of book signings, but those don’t take too long.

CG: WHEN’S THE PARTY THOUGH? CG: I NEED TO KNOW IF I’LL BE ABLE TO BE THERE.

TT: It’s in about a month. TT: I need to offer people an apt amount of time to plan for the party. TT: It’s not on too short notice that the majority of people won’t be able to be there and not too much notice to the point where people completely forget about it.

CG: AH, YES. CG: THE CLASSIC MAKING CERTAIN THAT MOST PEOPLE CAN’T MAKE AN EXCUSE AS TO WHY THEY ARE UNABLE TO ATTEND YOUR PARTY.

TT: Precisely. TT: I want as many individuals as possible to be trapped by social obligation.

CG: DIABOLICAL.

TT: Yes, I am the greatest supervillain alive. TT: And by that, I mean I eliminated my competition until they had no choice than to elevate me to the number one supervillain.

CG: I’D SAY THAT JUST PROVES THAT YOU’RE THE BEST SUPERVILLAIN. CG: DESTROYING THE COMPETITION LIKE THAT? CG: ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE CONSIDERED BETTER THAN YOU BEFORE.

TT: Yes, it took elaborate planning and all of my wit, but I finally managed to stab my opponent's eyes out with my knitting needles. TT: My part is actually meant to celebrate my ascension to the top of the criminal ladder.

CG: I’LL BE SURE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR ACHIEVEMENT AT THE PARTY.

TT: That would be greatly appreciated, particularly since it’s a secret only known by the criminal community. TT: The only ones to congratulate me have been lowly villains and the mafia who are after my spot. TT: It’s good to know that someone who’s not going to turn me in or try to kill me knows the work I have actually done.

CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW I WON’T TURN YOU IN?

TT: I’m dating your moirail, and she would be upset if I went missing or went to jail. TT: I think I’m safe.

CG: FAIR ENOUGH. CG: AND WHAT OF THE BLACKMAIL I KNOW HAVE ON YOU?

TT: I have more blackmail on you than you have on me.

CG: TOUCHÉ.

TT: You can’t lay a finger on me. TT: That being said, we should really talk in person sometime. TT: I feel we don’t really meet up enough outside of your place of employment.

CG: WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

TT: Coffee, perhaps? TT: I would also like to note that I am not asking you on a date. TT: This is a purely platonic hangout. TT: I mean absolutely no offense by this, but I don’t feel any romantic attraction to you at all.

CG: LIKEWISE.

TT: I’m glad we have come to an agreement. TT: Also, going out for coffee is somewhat hypothetical because of how busy I’ll be for the next month. TT: The book signings won’t take much time, but I will have a plethora of them planned, and I still have to finish planning for the party. TT: Not to mention that I have high standards for coffee, and all the coffee I enjoy tends to be from the higher end, more expensive coffee shops.

CG: THAT’S FINE. CG: WE CAN JUST HANG OUT SOMETIME AFTER YOUR PARTY. CG: ALSO, I DON’T MIND EXPENSIVE COFFEE SO LONG AS YOU PAY FOR IT.

TT: That’s fair. TT: now that we’ve made these plans, I’m afraid I have to say bye for now. TT: I have more invitations to send out.

CG: I HOPE YOU’RE NOT PLANNING ON GIVING ALL YOUR GUESTS PERSONAL INVITATIONS.

TT: I’m only giving them to close friends. TT: Everyone else gets an automatic responder that my brother made.

CG: DAVE MADE AN AUTORESPONDER?

TT: No. TT: My older brother Dirk made it. TT: He’s very skilled with technology. TT: Dave is smart, but I don’t think that kind of thing is part of his skill set. TT: He’s more of a language and history guy. TT: Although he is pretty into science, I suppose. TT: He ended up majoring in Paleontology in college.

CG: OH, THAT’S PRETTY COOL.

TT: Yeah, he was originally going to go into music, and then switched to video editing before settling into Paleontology. TT: But seriously. TT: I do actually have to go now, regardless of how pleasant it is to chat with you.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

-- autoResponder [AR] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

AR: Congratulations! AR: You have been invited to [location] for [celebratory occasion]. AR: There will be [food] and [drinks]. AR: Please send your regrets to [phone number]. AR: We hope you come and have a(n) [adjective] time. AR: This message has been sent on behalf of [name].

CG: WHAT IS THIS-A MADLIBS GAME? CG: I’M NOT A FUCKING WRIGGLER! CG: AND WHAT EVENT ARE YOU EVEN INVITING ME TO?

AR: Sorry, bro. AR: It seems like there was a 47.834% chance that I malfunctions for a hot second there. AR: You know how batshit technology can be sometimes. AR: Except me. AR: I’m the perfect responder.

CG: WELL, YOU MALFUNCTIONED, SO YOU CAN’T BE *THAT* PERFECT.

AR: If I had actual emotions, I would be offended by that. AR: But I, as a superior robot, will respond with dignity and grace. AR: Fuck you.

CG: WOW. SO CREATIVE. CG: I’VE HEARD BETTER INSULTS FROM A ROCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

AR: I don’t need to respond to that.

CG: YOU JUST DID. CG: THAT’S YOU JOB-YOU AUTOMATICALLY RESPOND TO EVERYTHING.

AR: Touché.

CG: DON’T YOU *TOUCHÉ* ME.

AR: What are you, my mom? AR: All telling me not to talk back and shit. AR: You’re not even related to me.

CG: *FUCK* CG: AND I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH CG: *YOU*

AR: Didn’t you tell me off for using the exact same insult earlier?

CG: YEAH, BUT I USED *ASTRECKS.*

AR: So it’s automatically better?

CG: YES.

AR: Wow. AR: Fuck you.

CG: FUCK YOU TOO, YOU FESTERING PILE OF SCRAP METAL!

AR: Fuck you.

CG: FUCK YOU!

AR: Fuck you.

CG: FUCK YOU!

AR: Fuck you.

CG: DO I NEED TO GET MY OWN PERSONAL AUTO-RESPONDER TO EXCLUSIVELY SAY *FUCK YOU* CONSTANTLY WHENEVER ANYONE TYPES ANYTHING?

AR: I wouldn’t recommend it. AR: People catch on pretty quick that it’s not you and then everything just gets awkward.

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?

AR: Experience.

CG: I DON’T EVEN THINK I WANT TO KNOW.

AR: Aw-that’s such a shame. AR: i have some very interesting stories.

CG: I. CG: DO. CG: NOT. CG: WANT. CG: TO. CG: KNOW. CG: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOU RUSTY DILDO.

AR: That was the best insult I’ve ever heard. AR: Please insult me more. AR: Not in a sexual way because I'm technically thirteen and sixteen at the same time. AR: Regardless, sill a minor. AR: Even if I am a robot. AR: It’s merely an interest in the insults you could come up with for me.

CG: I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO DO THAT. CG: AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN ANSWER MY QUESTION. CG: WHAT EVENT DID YOU EVEN INVITE ME TO?

AR: hold on, I’ve got to recalibrate some shit. AR: Loading… AR: Loading… AR: Loading… AR: just kidding. AR: I don’t actually need to do that. AR: Here’s the message just for you. AR: Congratulations! AR: You have been invited to [Rose’s mansion] for [the celebration of a new book release]. AR: There will be [food] and [drinks]. AR: Please send your regrets to [Rose’s phone number]. AR: We hope you come and have a(n) [great] time. AR: This message has been sent on behalf of [Rose Lalonde].

CG: I ALREADY KNEW THAT INFORMATION.

AR: What, really?

CG: YEAH, ROSE TOLD ME HERSELF.

AR: Oh, wow. AR: I can hardly believe you’re close friends with Rose.

CG: I’M NOT REALLY. CG: I’M JUST HER MATESPRIT’S MOIRAIL.

AR: That makes more sense. AR: No offense, but actually a lot of offense because that’s generally what no offense means, but you seem a little too shouty for Rose.

CG: HM.

AR: Hm?

CG: YES, HM. CG: HM AS IN I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW AN AI FEELS ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIP WITH ROSE. CG: FRANKLY, IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

AR: Actually, I’m her brother, so it is kind of my business.

CG: BUT YOU’RE NOT A BIOLOGICAL LIFEFORM?

AR: No, but I am based on her brother’s brain. AR: The thirteen-year-old brain of her brother, at least.

CG: OH, SO THAT’S WHY YOU’RE SO INSUFFERABLE.

AR: Insufferably cool, you mean.

CG: MAYBE THE FLESH DAVE, BUT NOT YOU.

AR: Oh, I’m not based on Dave. AR: I’m based on Dirk.

CG: OH, GOD, I FORGOT THAT DAVE HAD SIBLINGS BESIDES ROSE. CG: I SHOULD HAVE PROBABLY KNOWN THAT, ESPECIALLY SINCE ROSE LITERALLY TOLD ME JUST A BIT AGO. CG: HOW MANY SIBLINGS EVEN ARE IN YOUR FAMILY?

AR: Four. AR: Five if you include me. AR: Dave Strider, Dirk strider, Rose Lalonde, Roxy Lalonde, and me, Hal Lalonde.

CG: WHY ARE YOU LALONDE INSTEAD OF STRIDER?

AR: Reasons. AR: Also, what was up with the “FLESH DAVE” thing?

CG: I FIGURED SAYING REAL DAVE WOULD BE OFFENSIVE TO YOU. CG: YOU AREN’T EXACTLY “FAKE.”

AR: Oh. AR: How sweet. AR: Alright, I now approve of your friendship with Rose.

CG: I DIDN’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL, BUT ALRIGHT.

AR: Hey. AR: Listen.

CG: I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE A FICTIONAL FAIRY.

AR: That is a heavily desired state, but that isn’t the point I was going to make. AR: I have to make sure that my siblings are friends with good people.

CG: I DON’T THINK THAT’S YOUR JOB, BUT OKAY.

AR: Do siblings not usually worry about if their siblings are handing out with the wrong crowd?

CG: I WOULDN'T’ KNOW. CG: TROLLS GENERALLY DON’T HAVE SIBLINGS.

AR: Oh. AR: I guess I’m so used to having siblings that I forget that some people don’t have them.

CG: SEEMS WEIRD TO FORGET SOMETHING AS AN AI.

AR: So it seems.

CG: ANYWAY, I’VE GOT SOME SHIT TO DO, SO I’M GONNA OLLIE OUTIE. CG: FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME AGAIN, I GUESS.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling autoResponder [AR] --

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

CG: HEY, KANAYA.

GA: Karkat Thank God You Have Messaged Me At A Time Of Distress

CG: WHAT ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT?

GA: I Recently Had A Conversation With Rose Wherein She Invited Me To A Celebration Of Her Newest Book And I Am Unaware Of The Proper Protocol At Such An Event GA: What Do I Say GA: What Sorts Of People Will Be There GA: Should I Bring A Gift GA: What Do I Wear GA: There Are So Many Factors To Consider I Have No Idea Where To Start GA: Oh Wait Im So Sorry Karkat You Probably Had Something You Wanted To Talk About

CG: NO, IT’S FINE. CG: I MOSTLY JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

GA: Oh GA: Okay

CG: NOW, YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT ROSE’S PARTY?

GA: Yes Extremely So

CG: I COULD SAY THAT YOU SHOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH BECAUSE ROSE WILL JUST BE HAPPY BY YOU BEING THERE, BUT I HAVE A FEELING THAT WON’T WORK SUPER WELL. CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE THE PARTY’S IN A MONTH.

GA: Do You Already Know The Details Of The Party

CG: YEAH, ROSE INVITED ME TOO. CG: WHICH ALSO MEANS I CAN ACCOMPANY YOU TO THE PARTY IF THAT WOULD MAKE YOU MORE COMFORTABLE.

GA: Yes That Would Be Greatly Appreciated GA: I Still Have Worries But You Being There With Me Would Make Me Feel Less Nervous

CG: LET’S TRY AND ADDRESS THOSE WORRIES. CG: WE COULD START WITH CLOTHING BECAUSE THAT’S PRETTY SIMPLE TO TAKE CARE OF. CG: MARIE KONDO YOUR WORRIES. CG: FOCUS EXCLUSIVELY ON WHAT TO WEAR FOR NOW.

GA: What About Everything Else

CG: WE HAVE A MONTH. CG: WE CAN WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE LATER.

GA: Alright I Will Try

CG: IT’S A FORMAL EVENT, SO YOU CAN IGNORE MOST OF YOUR CLOSET. CG: IT’S ALSO NOT BLACK TIE, SO YOU’RE FREE TO WEAR COLOR.

GA: Should I Wear A Dress Or A Skirt

CG: THINK THAT DEPENDS ON THE LENGTH YOU WANT TO GO

GA: Does It

CG: YEAH-MOST OF YOUR SHORTER SKIRTS AREN’T REALLY FORMAL, SO IF YOU WANT TO GO WITH A SHORTER SKIRT, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WEAR A DRESS.

GA: I Forgot About That GA: I Think However I Will Wear A Long Dress GA: Which Certainly Narrows It Down By A Significant Margin GA: Maybe Something More On The Sexy Side GA: Probably Not The Red One GA: Its A Little Too GA: Hello There GA: Its My Thigh

CG: FAIR ENOUGH. CG: WHAT ABOUT THE BLACK ONE? CG: THE ONE WITH THE JADE EDGES WITH THE WHITE STRAPS CONNECTING THE SLIT AT THE TOP?

GA: Honestly That Is Probably The Best Option GA: I Can Wear My Moon Choker GA: The One That Has Chains Attached To It GA: What Earrings Should I Wear GA: Would It Be Weird To Wear The Sailor Moon Ones

CG: IT MIGHT.

GA: Ill Stick To The Dangly Star Ones Then

CG: THE ONES WITH MULTIPLE STARS OR JUST ONE?

GA: Just One GA: The Other Ones Are A Little Too Much GA: Ill Wear My Rose Bracelet For An Extra Splash Of Color And My Half Inch Black Heels

CG: GOING FOR COMFORT THERE. CG: THAT’S A GOOD IDEA. CG: YOU DON’T WANT TO END THE NIGHT WITH BLISTERS.

GA: That Would Not Be Ideal No GA: But I Still Want To Hear The Click Clack Of Heels When I Walk GA: Its A Very Powerful Feeling GA: Now Theres The Makeup Look To Worry About GA: Should There Be More Focus On The Eyes Or The Lips GA: And What Should I Match My Lipstick To GA: The Dress The Dress Accents Or Should I Match To The Rose Bracelet

CG: SO, BLACK, JADE, OR RED LIPSTICK?

GA: Yes Those Seem To Be The Options GA: Black Seems Too Subtle GA: Would It Be Strange To Not Wear Red Lipstick GA: Because Then The Rose Would Be Alone In Its Hue GA: But Red Might Be Too Bright

CG: YOU COULD WEAR A DARKER RED. CG: WHAT’S THAT ONE LIPSTICK YOU HAVE? CG: VAMPIRE BLOOD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

GA: Yes It Is Called Vampires Blood GA: That Could Work Well GA: I Feel Like My Eye Look Should Be More Subtle GA: Some Dark Gray With A Bit Of Silver To Match My Jewelry GA: A Small Cateye In Black Eyeliner And Some Black Mascara GA: Or Should I Go For The Jade Eyeliner

CG: THE JADE MIGHT LOOK A BIT STRANGE WITH THE REST OF THE OUTFIT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE GOING FOR SOMETHING MORE SUBDUED.

GA: Right What Was I Thinking

CG: THAT IT WOULD GO WITH THE ACCENTS OF YOUR DRESS? CG: IT WASN’T A BAD IDEA-IT JUST WASN’T THE LOOK YOU WERE GOING FOR.

GA: Yes Thank You GA: I Think Ill Do Something Simple With My Eyebrows And Wear Some Pale Green Highlighter GA: Just Enough To Mimic Blush And Give Me Some Glowiness

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.

GA: And That Should Be Mostly It For The Outfit GA: Oh Wait What About Hair GA: How Should I Style It GA: I Could Maybe Braid Parts Of It GA: Should I even Style It Differently From Normal GA: No I Think That Might Be A Little Too Much In Terms Of Effort GA: I Dont Want To Look Over Stylized GA: So Maybe I Wont Do Anything With My Hair GA: Except Get It Cut Beforehand GA: Not To Look Fancy Of Course But Because I Should Get My Hair Cut Soon Anyway GA: So I Might As Well Do It At A Time Which Is Most Convenient To Me Fashionably Speaking GA: And I Suppose Thats It GA: Huh

CG: HUH?

GA: Its Just A Little Strange To Have This Outfit Layed Out And Only Wear It In A Month

CG: BUT DO YOU FEEL BETTER FOR HAVING IT?

GA: Yes GA: Very Much So GA: Thank You GA: For Helping Me Relieve My Silly Worries

CG: I DON’T THINK THEY WERE SILLY. CG: THEY WERE PERFECTLY VALID WORRIES, AND I’M GLAD I COULD HELP YOU WITH THEM.

GA: <><><><><><>

CG: <>

GA: I Think GA: I Think Im Going To Go Take A Nap Now

CG: SWEET DREAMS.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

[hergan416]

My professional writing does not look like my fanfiction, but my fanfiction definitely still contributed to my ability to have the position I have. Specifically, I am the editor of a marketing e-newsletter for a small company (in addition to mostly being a regular sales associate). My writing stood out amongst all the other writing that the old editor had received, and he recommended me when he left the company for a better job with a larger company.

There are many other good writers in the company, even a published author whose second job is with us. I stood out.

My fanfition now, for lack of (its too late at night for) better words, is the kind of "trashy" stuff that is mentioned above. I would be mortified if anyone in charge of me at work actually read my fanfiction. But I still mention it at work to my bosses because it is literally the ONLY reason I'm qualified for my current position.

I would never have stuck with writing if it weren't for fanfiction. I wouldn't know how to gently suggest edits to submitted writing from a without it. Also reading fanfiction has given me a sense of how writing that has a lot of voice can still work for a goal.

(This feels like it needs further explanation. Retail employees writing product reviews for a small bonus and fan authors actually have a lot in common. There is a wide range in ability levels, but everyone has something important to say, and it is important that they are the one to say it. This means editing for palatable grammar while maintaining the author's voice, which I don't think I could do if my experience was solely shaped by the sanitized and monotonous 3rd person omniscient voices of the popular fiction that I read.)

Anyway, fanfiction doesn't have to be a path to anything, but it's still an incredibly useful skill and it has augmented my professional career. I'm not afraid to say I'm a fanauthor in real life. I don't have to be planning an original story to benefit from my own fanworks. It's a damn useful hobby to have.

*Not that being useful is required for legitimacy, fanwriting is fun and that's all that is needed for a hobby. I just want to provide an example outside the "fanauthor publishes original works" paradigm of where fanfiction can be useful irl.