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hotchs-big-hands · 2 years ago

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What did you call me?

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|4.9k words

Aaron Hotchner x plus size fem!reader

NSFW Minors dni please

Warning(s): some angst, yearning, details about graphic crime scenes, strip clubs/sex clubs.

When Dom/sub couples begin to show up murdered mid-coital, the BAU team is brought in to solve the case. But as more couples are found and the unsub remains undetected, it becomes an undercover mission. The posing Dom/sub couple in question? Your intimidating, attractive boss and you.

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Hey everyone, welcome to my first fanfic! I used to write and post stuff back in 2018ish but it was a different fandom. I've not written and posted anything tho since then so I'm a bit nervous! But idk I just got back into cm recently and I saw Hotch and my brain was like oh yeah 👁️👁️ (I used to be a Spencer girlie) and I've mostly written stuff for myself but I decided imma start doing stuff on here too! I hope you enjoy and lemme know if you wanna be tagged in future writings 🥰 side note, I'm a fat gal so I will probably centre most of my stuff around plus size readers cuz there's not enough of it for plus size Hotch girlies 😔 but technically anyone can read and enjoy it! This was getting extremely long so I'm splitting it into three parts so here's the first one! Anyway, enjoy 💅

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The feeling of something blunt lightly bounced against your forehead, making you blink a few times and rub the area with your hand.

"Hey... Who did that?" You grumbled, eyes darting from one face of your coworkers to the next. Three of them all pointed towards the culprit and as your eyes drifted back to him you were met with a cheeky grin on the charming, dark-skinned man's face.

"You were spaced out, sugar." Derek Morgan said. "Got a lot on your mind?"

"Got a lot of him on her mind, more like." A voice cut in smugly, flustering you in an instant, your heart beginning to race. Your eyes flicked to Prentiss, the pristine raven haired woman was smirking at you, her eyes glinting. You squeaked and shifted in your office chair nervously.

"No, Em! Just... couldn't sleep last night."

The weak explanation didn't help, it only widened the smirk on Prentiss' face as she leaned forward.

"Oh? Do tell us more."

"There's nothing to say!" You abruptly turned to the casefile that lay open on your slightly messy desk and tried to ignore the movement at the corner of your eye; Emily was shuffling her chair over to you, no doubt still with that annoying smirk on her face.

"Oh it sure sounds like there is though."

Before you had the chance to defend yourself an all too familiar voice demanded everyone's attention and subsequently caused a shiver to trickle down your spine. Your hands gripped onto your chair.

"My team; in the conference room now. We have a case." Your unit chief spoke. All heads turned to the direction of a slightly elevated walkway where a sharply dressed man stood for a mere moment, locking eyes with yours, before he began walking briskly towards the mentioned conference room.

Fuck. Hotch was wearing your favourite suit and tie today and a few stray wisps of his short, dark hair stubbornly lay over his forehead, no matter how often he must have tried to push them up off his face. Everyday was harder than the previous working with that man. The moment you'd attended your interview months ago, sitting in front of the brooding man, you knew you were fucked. Yes, you had been eager to join the famed BAU unit and were grateful for the opportunity that arose but you'd be lying if another reason you eagerly answered all the questions prompted to you in that interview wasn't because you were instantly attracted to Aaron Hotchner. However, that was almost a year ago now and you were struggling with your growing attraction to the man the more you were around him. Your coworkers and friends certainly were no help, given they'd soon caught onto your crush.

A hand waved in front of your face and you blinked.

"Time to go, lovergirl." Prentiss teased and you sighed, quickly joining the others as they made their way to the case briefing. You needed to focus.

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Landing in Chicago a few hours later, the team were thrust into a gnarly investigation involving couples being murdered in their hotel rooms mid-coital. The crime scene photos were hard to look at, to say the least. Setting up a base of operations in the police department didn't take too long and currently you were in the midst of interviewing family members of the deceased along with Hotch at his insistence. It wasn't often that you took part in these interviews, even less often did Hotch ever team you up with him. Quite frankly, it made you feel a little nervous, but there was no way you'd question his decision. And certainly, you did not miss the subtle smug look Emily gave you as you trailed after the man you thought about way too much.

Sitting beside him in the SUV, just the two of you alone made your head feel a little bit floaty as you tried your best to remain as stoic as possible, reminding yourself of the details of the case so far and of the little bits of information from the families you'd spoken to. Even with the effort there was no preventing the permeating scent of his cologne and a hint of his own natural musk from scrambling your brain. He smelled good, too good, and the way his hands gripped the steering wheel from the quick glances you dared peek developed a heat to coil within the depths of your lower abdomen.

"Are you alright?" His voice brought you out of your thoughts. You felt flushed.

"H-huh?" You felt dumbstruck, all because of him. He exhaled through his nose sharply, clearly dissatisfied with your response.

"You're distracted."

Oh. Of course he could pick up on it. You shifted in your seat, subtly rubbing your plump thighs together.

"I'm okay, I guess I've not had enough to drink today though. I'll get some water when we head back to the station." Not a lie, technically. You'd forgotten your bottle of water you normally had ready to fill up to take on cases. Hotch hummed, the sound deep and making you clench between your thighs.

"I did notice you didn't have your water like you usually do. I should have said something." He said. Wait, he noticed? You didn't think he picked up on things about you, he didn't often appear to pay attention to you besides on a strictly professional level. But as you turned your head to him in surprise his brows were furrowed in frustration, as though annoyed with himself for not saying anything.

"Oh no, it's fine. I've been a bit of a scatterbrain as of late." You admitted sheepishly, a little smile on your lips. Hotch glanced at you, eyes flicking down to your lips, then back to your eyes, making your breath hitch.

"Anything I can do to help?"

You bit your lip, your mind flooded with a whole array of thoughts that you knew you shouldn't be having about your boss. He didn't know he was the reason you were so distracted, desperate to feel his lips on yours, on your body and his hands on your skin, his fingers inside you. Fuck. You needed to get it together, for goodness' sake. You quickly glanced back towards the road.

"Ah, no. I'm okay, sir. I'll sort myself out." You murmured, missing the way his knuckles whitened under the pressure of his grip on the wheel.

"Don't hesitate to come to me if you need anything."

You tried not to think of what you wanted him to do to you, instead humming in response.

"Thank you, sir."

You needed to get out of this damn car as soon as possible.

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Immediately upon returning to the station you rushed off to find a vending machine so you could grab a bottle of water. As soon as you had your hands on the cold, plastic bottle you were gulping down the cool liquid, not realising just how flushed you felt.

"Whoa, slow down there, (L/n)!" You heard JJ's voice from behind you and you turned, pulling the bottle from your mouth wide-eyed. The blonde woman looked slightly alarmed. "Are you okay?"

You nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. I just forgot to bring water so I kinda got a bit dehydrated I think." You explain quickly. JJ frowned a little.

"You'd better be careful next time. And don't drink too quickly, you could accidentally choke."

You smiled sheepishly under her scolding and screwed the lid back on.

"Sorry, I'll drink slower."

JJ led you back to the office where you found the familiar sight of Spencer pouring over a map of the area. Pieces of string had been wrapped around pins indicating the last locations victims were seen and the scenes of their murders, no clear pattern in sight as there sometimes was. On one of the tables lay several empty paper coffee cups, a few rings of spilled coffee staining the surface top. He was speaking quietly to another member of the team, David Rossi, and Hotch; of whom stood beside the young Doctor with his arms folded across his chest, inevitably tightening the suit over his physique. You forced yourself to focus on the map.

Not long after your arrival you heard two sets of footsteps trudge into the room.

"No employees or frequent customers that are of note. We have nothing." Derek huffed as he made his way over to one of the chairs and slumped down into it. Emily joined you and JJ, her face appeared neutral but you could tell there was a hint of annoyance behind it. You heaved a deep sigh and felt eyes on you which made you instinctively seek out who it was, only to be startled when your eyes met deep brown ones, almost black in the artificial lighting. Hotch didn't look away, instead holding your gaze until you quickly turned away, feeling embarrassed.

"There has to be something that connects them all." Rossi said. Your eyes drifted across the map, narrowing a little. There had to be a mutual place that all these couples had been to in the final week leading up to their deaths. Somewhere that couples who enjoy sexual relations more than the average couple would go. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and quickly scrolled through your contacts until you found the one you were looking for. As you pressed dial you put the call on loudspeaker it merely rang once before there was an answer.

"Hello, you've reached the hotline for the simply fantabulous Penelope Garcia; how may I assist you?" A bubbly voice filtered through. All eyes were on the phone as you placed it on the table in front of you.

"Hiya, babe, I have a request for you. We're trying to find a link between the couples but so far nothing has cropped up. But I have a theory," you spoke, feeling a little awkward at what you were about to say. "Uhm, do you think you could try search for any strip clubs or even straight up sex clubs in the area? Easily accessible or possibly a more hidden club?"

You could feel his eyes on you again but you tried hard to stare at the phone. Garcia gasped from the other end of the line, but the sound of nails on a keyboard reassured you she was already on the case. Beside you, you felt Emily poke you and you lightly shoved her with your wide hip.

"Oh wow, I did not think I would be looking at this sort of thing today. But lucky you, I have a whole list of places! I-" there was clicking, followed by another gasp. "Oh my! That is certainly a homepage! You have no idea about the things I'm seeing right now, well, I mean I'll be sending these to you anyway but gosh! I'm going to do a thorough clean of my history once this case-"

"-Garcia, focus." Hotch said firmly and you heard a quick apology from the other end of the line. He moved to lean over the table, propping himself up with his hands as he took charge of the phone call. "We need security footage from these locations. Whatever you can give us, we'll take it."

More clacking of nails, you tried not to stare at your boss as he leered over your phone, forcing yourself to look away from his straining suit, the dangling tie, his large hands. Horrifically, you instead met eyes with the oldest of the group, Rossi, who had clearly caught you ogling Hotch from the glint in his experienced eyes and the twitch at the corner of his mouth. Shit. You could only hope no one else had witnessed your blatancy. Thankfully, Garcia's voice came through again.

"I'm sending over whatever footage I can find as well as the addresses to the establishments now."

You reached across the table, hyper aware of how close you were to Hotch as you took hold of your phone. He studied you carefully when you hurried backwards, swallowing thickly. You cleared your throat.

"Thanks, babe, you're a star." You said.

"Well of course, I'm your star." Garcia responded cheerily and the line went dead. Hotch straightened up and pulled his suit back into place, turning to address everyone.

"We need to review the footage and find out which location all the victims visited at some point within the last few weeks, then we can make a plan of action." He was stern as he spoke, hands in his pockets and his shoulders squared. There was a mutual noise of agreement from everyone and you all split into smaller groups around the monitors in the room. Hotch disappeared off to find the chief of police and you couldn't help but let your eyes follow him as he rushed out of the room, eyes transfixed on the tight fabric of his dress pants.

"Girl, you aren't even hiding it." You heard Derek say and you huffed, walking over to Spencer and sitting down next to him. He offered you an awkward smile and shuffled his chair to the side so you could get closer to the computer he was working on.

"Shut up, Derek." You muttered and he chuckled.

"I'm just saying, you should probably talk to him."

Your eyes widened in horror.

"Excuse me?"

Spencer cleared his throat.

"I agree, It's a bit obvious that he's interested in you too." He said softly and you huffed, shuffling your chair closer to the table and leaning towards the computer screen.

"Stop saying ridiculous things like that, both of you. We have work to do anyway."

Derek stepped back with his hands raised in surrender before retreating back to the computer he was situated at whilst Spencer simply watched you carefully, frowning a little.

It was dangerous for you to even dare think of such things. There were so many reasons why you couldn't let your mind go there. If not for the ethical reason due to his and your job statuses, then maybe because he was much older than you with a son. But also you'd seen photos of his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend and you certainly didn't look like his type. Not slender, not sleek like they were. You didn't think he was a shallow man but you'd also dealt with disappointment after disappointment with how others had treated you based on your appearance. You had to keep yourself safe, so your attraction for your boss would remain nothing more than a secret from him. You sighed softly as the young man beside you clicked on the first video footage from one of the private sex clubs. There was no more time to waste.

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The following few hours were downright miserable, viewing video, after video of footage from various clubs until you felt as though your eyes and your brain would melt out of your head. Finally, however, Emily made a noise of alarm, mouth full of cheap coffee, and alerted everyone to her computer. Swallowing the burning, bitter liquid, she retracted the footage a little and replayed it.

"Look, It's the Smiths! The first couple to be murdered. They came in to this very exclusive private sex club at the end of last month." She said hurriedly. In the slightly fuzzy camera quality indeed the couple waltzed into the lobby of the facility and approached the reception desk.

"Fast forward the feed." You heard Hotch say, causing goosebumps to bristle across your skin. You knew he had returned at some point but didn't expect him to stand right beside you. Someone made a call to Garcia and she confirmed with her database that it was indeed the couple. Further analysis of the footage from days afterwards showed that every single of the other couples had also been to this sex club too shortly before they were murdered. And yet they had no indication still of who was the murderer.

The day was drawing in at this point but as a final task before anyone would return to the hotel, Hotch sent out Morgan and Prentiss to the club to ask some questions, something that you couldn't help but chuckle at. The raven haired woman narrowed her eyes slightly at you.

"Laugh all you want but I'd be careful if I were you." She warned but you simply smirked.

"Don't have too much fun now, you two." You said cheerily, Morgan raised a brow at you and then the two were off begrudgingly. You felt JJ sidle up beside you.

"You know she will get you back." She murmured and you shrugged.

"She doesn't scare me."

"She scares me a little." Spencer said aloud, causing the two of you to turn your heads in his direction. He flushed, ducking his head slightly. "I- uh, well you know how she is."

"I wouldn't think you were intimidated by her, Spence, I mean you're the one who won the prank war with Morgan." JJ said, chuckling. A small smile tugged at his mouth.

"I wouldn't cross Emily, though."

You hummed and pushed up out of your chair.

"Well anyway, either of you want a hot drink?" You offered. JJ smiled.

"Oh no, thank you." As Spencer opened his mouth to respond she lifted a finger up at him. "Ah- you definitely don't need anymore coffee at this time of day."

A quiet giggle passed your lips and you turned to head to the kitchenette of the station.

"I'm not getting involved."

Walking out of the office you crossed the police department, avoiding any officers who still remained within the building, and came to a pause in the entryway of the kitchen, dipping away from the doorway out of sight. The two oldest members of the team were in a deep conversation, Hotch with his back to the door and Rossi facing the direction you were in. They spoke quietly, you knew you shouldn't listen in and yet you couldn't help it.

"Stop being absurd. What makes you think I'd even consider doing that?" Hotch hissed, his voice barely audible from where you were.

"Come on, Aaron, you can't keep this going forever. You know that." Rossi countered. There were more words said but were too quiet for you to decipher. That was until Hotch spoke a little louder again, sounding more frustrated.

"I am not currently wishing to be involved with anyone like that, Dave. I just can't."

In an instant you felt your heart in your throat, your eyes stinging.

Oh.

You felt stupid. Of course he wasn't interested in dating anyone. Even despite closely guarding your feelings for Hotch to be nothing further than a personal crush that he would never find out about it still hurt knowing you never had a chance to begin with.

Walking a few steps away from the kitchen, you made a point of entering the kitchen area, feigning surprise as your eyes landed on the two men in the room. Clearly, your entrance startled them, particularly him, who looked a little guilty before the slight expression glossed over with stern stoicism. Hotch glanced away, turning to Rossi.

"I'll see you at the hotel." He muttered and then he was brushing past you, his hand grazing your arm slightly and his scent consuming your senses. And then he was gone, all that remained was the slight coolness of his absence. You swallowed thickly but tried to mask your emotions from the seasoned agent still remaining.

"Coffee? There's some left still, maybe enough for one last cup." Rossi said softly. You smiled slightly as you approached him but shook your head.

"Ah no, thank you. I'm going to have tea. It's way too late for coffee, don't you think?"

The man hummed, watching you carefully. You suspected he had seen you earlier, that you'd heard the conversation but you didn't feel like talking about it.

"I hope you know that if you ever need someone to lend an ear that I'm always willing to listen."

Your hands faltered slightly during sorting out putting a tea bag in a clean mug. Your eyes flicked to the side at Rossi briefly.

"I know that."

"I know you heard what you think you heard but-"

"-Let's not- We aren't talking about this." You cut him off shakily, stopping yourself before you poured the hot water into the mug. "There's nothing to say about it."

You turned away from the kitchen counter to lean against it, rubbing your tired eyes with your palms. Rossi sighed quietly.

"You didn't catch the whole conversation." He tried after a moment. You scoffed.

"It wasn't for me to hear. I only did so by accident. I'm not going to read into it because the only people who were meant to hear what was discussed was you and-" Your throat felt tighter still, an unseen coil constricting you, just as the man you longed for constricted your heart and soul. You didn't say his name, couldn't. Mercifully, the man before you understood.

"I know."

You nodded. The mug of tea wasn't appealing anymore; the quiet promise of solitude in a hotel room called to you more than all else.

"I.... I think I need to call it a night. I don't feel well."

Rossi placed a hand on your upper arm and squeezed lightly.

"I'll inform the others and grab your stuff then I'll drive you to the hotel we're staying in," he fished out the keys to one of the SUVs and handed them to you, the metal clinking together. "Go, wait in the car for me." He said. The corners of your mouth tilted upwards in appreciation and you hurried out, eager to have even a moment to yourself.

The moment you pushed the doors of the building open and stepped outside you exhaled, grimacing slightly at the still, warm air of the night. You'd hoped it would have cooled down more, now that the sun had long since settled behind the horizon, but you felt stifled, the heat doing nothing to soothe the tightness in your throat and chest. Breathing shakily, you unlocked the car and climbed into the passenger seat, laying your head back against the head rest.

There was no reason for you to feel so upset about this. It wasn't as though you intended on ever approaching your boss about your ever growing feelings for him, you wouldn't dare do that. And yet you felt almost physically sick from heartbreak and the worst part was he didn't even know the pain you were in. Hell, you didn't even know where he was right now after he rushed out of the kitchen.

You knew the moment Rossi obviously had retrieved your belongings judging the way your phone had begun to vibrate from text notifications, no doubt from your coworkers. You'd answer them when you made it to the hotel, you decided. A few minutes later you spotted the older man exit the station and approach the car you were in, your bag and coat in hand. The sight made you smile even the tiniest bit, something that he noticed. You felt the car jolt a little as he opened the trunk so he could put your belongings down and jolt again when he slammed it lightly. A second later he was climbing in on the driver's side where you held out the car keys to him.

"Thanks." He took the keys and inserted them into the ignition, the engine roaring to life and you slipped your seatbelt on. Rossi glanced at you. "Let's get you to the hotel. Best thing about this is if there aren't enough rooms for one each you can have first pick on if you want the single or not." He said as you pulled out the station parking lot. You scoffed.

"Oh you know I'm absolutely taking the single this time." You retorted. In any other scenario you would have risked sharing a room, risk being paired with him. Now the thought made you want to cry. Your little smile faded and you turned your head to the window, resting on the cool glass. Sensing you were finished talking, Rossi didn't say anything else for the remainder of the drive.

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A little groan escaped your lips when you collapsed backwards on the single bed in your hotel room, exhaustion overrunning your very being from the long day. For a moment you simply lay there silently, staring at the dulled white ceiling whilst your mind raced. You knew this wasn't ideal, you couldn't let yourself be distracted from the case.

Huffing, you remembered that you needed to respond to messages to let the others know you would be alright by the morning. After pulling your phone out of your pocket, the screen lit up and your eyes flicked across the notifications on the lock screen. Lots of messages from your worried coworkers. You unlocked the phone and set about answering them one-by-one. JJ and Emily offered to stop by your hotel room to check in on you, not knowing you'd been feeling unwell up until this point, but you reassured them you would be okay.

Just as you finished your nightly routine and pulled the covers back, there was a knock on your door. Your brows furrowed slightly. Who would be knocking at this time? Sighing, you approached the door and leaned close to the peephole, expecting to see one of the ladies or maybe even Rossi.

Standing tensely with his shoulders squared was Aaron Hotchner. A quiet gasp escaped you and you jolted backwards from the door. What the fuck was he doing here?! With shaky hands, you pulled the door open and slightly covered yourself with it, hyper aware of your clothing situation. Hotch perked up and stared down at you.

"Rossi informed me that you weren't feeling well and had to retire early." He murmured gently, his face stern. You swallowed and silently invited him into your room by stepping back, pulling the door with you. He cautiously walked into your hotel room and you closed the door behind him, wrapping your arms around yourself in a feeble attempt to cover your body up. Why, oh why did you have to wear shorts that barely covered your ass and an old tee that wasn't as baggy anymore from being washed one too many times?

You cleared your throat and avoided looking in Hotch's direction.

"He's right. But I'm sure I'll feel better by tomorrow though."

You offered a little smile, eyes flicking to his face and realised he was staring. Except he wasn't staring at your face, no, his eyes were focused lower down at your chest. Christ. You quickly looked away again before he realised you'd caught him out and he hummed, the sound making you clench.

"What's wrong?"

Oh no. You couldn't answer that. Your eyes met his and you opened your mouth, hesitating with no response to give.

"I.... Just felt sick, that's all. I'll be okay though."

You never were good at hiding how you were really feeling, the deepening frown on the man's face before you merely evident of this.

"Are you certain? You can tell me anything, you know that." He said softly as he stepped closer to you. You nodded and tried smiling again at him.

"I know, sir. I promise I'm alright though." You tightened your arms around yourself until your flesh dipped under the pressure of your fingertips. Hotch's eyes trailed over you from head to toe, clearly unsatisfied with your reluctance to tell him the truth, but didn't push the matter further. You inhaled as he stepped closer still, his scent once more overwhelming you. His fingers flexed at his side as though he was conflicted and you wished he would reach out and touch you. Eventually, he sighed quietly and retreated a step.

"Alright. But I will be keeping an eye on you now."

Not good. You nodded though, then yawned and your cheeks flushed with warmth. Despite the tension, a small smile tugged at Hotch's mouth.

"You should get some rest." He said. You chuckled.

"Yeah, you as well though. I know what you're like."

He raised a brow at you.

"Really now?"

Your eyes widened and you stuttered.

"W-well I'm just saying, you do leave the office last, you're up earlier than everyone else too-" you cut yourself off, not wanting to dig your hole any deeper. You dared a quick glance his way and he was still slightly smirking.

"Get some rest, your boss is going to be up early again tomorrow to call everyone in."

A little chuckle escaped you and you followed Hotch to the door, grabbing the door as he opened it and hiding behind it again as you watched him make his way out into the corridor. He turned back to you and gazed down at you again.

"Good night, (L/n)." He murmured. Your eyes met and you gripped onto the door.

"Good night, sir."

He shifted, as though debating something in his head, then he turned and stalked down the corridor. You didn't close your door until he disappeared from sight. When you returned to your bed you collapsed down onto it whilst your mind raced. That night your dreams were filled with forbidden touches and kisses from the man you loved.

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And that's part one for now pls lemme know what you think and if anyone wants to be tagged in future works! Thank you for reading 💖💖

#a writes #a's writing #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotchner x reader fanfiction #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x plus size reader #plus size reader #plus size!reader

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dunmeshistash · 5 months ago

Note

Greetings, Mr. Meshi!

This is perhaps a bit of an unorthodox question, but one that has been bothering me for an unreasonable amount of time.

Now, here's the thing: I OBSESS over Marcille outliving everyone she holds dear. It's a theme very close to me, but even beyond that I just find it to be one of the most interesting elements of Dungeon Meshi's story for me personally. I've written an embarrassing amount of lengthy essays on it that will never see the light of day - that's how obsessed I am over this specific element of her character. But, there's something that bothers me...

A lot of poignant stories and artworks that tackle this topic get comments on 'em whenever Falin is the subject of aging, each one some variation of "Everything points to Falin having an extended lifespan after her revival!" which... Seems weird to me?

I don't know why this bothers me so much, but setting aside my personal annoyances, I don't remember anything pointing to this at all. At least, nothing concrete.

I don't know if this is a question you'd want to answer or not, but since your blog is a hub for all sorts of opinions and headcanons, I'd love to know where this line of thought could originate from.

I really wouldn't blame you if you didn't answer this question, though. Part of me feels I'm just asking this because I want to see if others share in my confusion or not.

Rrrregardless, though! Lemme take the opportunity to say that your blog is delighful. Love it! Also, that mushroom man with the funny face that sometimes responds to you with lengthy essays is also really cool. Everyone is cool. At least here on the northern hemisphere! It is smack dab in the middle of fall, after all! Coolness all around! Stay frosty! Or don't! Maybe warm up at a fireplace. I don't know!

Hi there! Thank you for the kind words, I love reading other's opinions on what I post so I also love the additions by the mushroom <3

It's quite hot over here in northeast Brazil, send some coolness my way please I'm dying.

Your question isn't strange at all! And I don't mind answering anything (unless it's rude or sounds like shipping war bait) so don't worry.

(Decided to put the rest under a readmore, TLDR: Kui said "maybe so, right?" about Falin having a longer lifespan but I have arguments why I don't think this actually confirms it. Anyway if you're someone who likes the headcanon you might want to skip this post)

To be honest those type of comments bother me too because I also LOVE Marcille's struggle with mortality and sometimes "Falin will live much longer!" feels undermining of the lesson she had to learn. I don't mind it in the headcanon sphere where everything is allowed and happy endings grow on trees but when it becomes intertwined with canon it starts to make me a little disappointed.

Just a reminder of the lesson she has to learn

She has to come to terms with the cycle of life and death, that something she wants (everyone to live longer) shouldn't be forced upon others just because it causes her grief. So, to me at least, Falin being made into something that will end up outliving other tallmen would undermine the message? In a canon sense ofc, if you're writing a wish fulfillment story then her living longer would have a different meaning, I just wanna be clear I have nothing against it in that sense, it all depends on what story you're trying to tell.

Anyway, actually answering your question that idea comes from the fact she was fused to a Red Dragon, and the fact her body has been affected by it, her sight was fixed and she grows feathers for example, so people theorize maybe her lifespan has been affected too. But we don't really know how long dragon's live so it's hard to say how much it would have been affected if at all.

It also comes from this answer Kui gave in a QnA

Q: Would Falin have an extended lifespan after the whole chimera thing? A: Maybe so, right?

To me this reads as the usual non-answers Kui gives, like, "I'll leave it up to your imagination" but for other people this read as a confirmation of the headcanon, in another questions she answers "I hope so" about Thistle leading a happy life after having his desires eaten and it's even debatable if Thistle survived at all so I don't think those comments indicate much of canon (I'm that way about most QnA answers tbh, unless it's something inconsequential like confirming Mithrun's Brother's name or stuff about very minor characters)

Another argument I have against her having a different lifespan is Izutsumi, Izu has been mixed with a monster but continues to age at the same rate a Tallmen would, even tho she also has different biology because of the Great Cat she's fused with (ears, reflexes, eyes etc etc) she is still a tallman

Falin isn't really the same thing as Izutsumi tho, I understand, but it's the closest example we have, if we believe the AB descriptions and demi-humans are really mixes between humans and monsters that's also another argument about it not affecting lifespan, since all of them are short lived and have an average lifespan of 55.

All of this *can* be dissmissed tho, the other demi-humans and beastmen are all mixed with mammal monsters and nothing nearly as powerful as a Dragon, so there is arguments to be made that Falin is different and that she *might* have an extended lifespan, all I'm saying is that there's no solid confirmation of it, it's fine to believe it but going around "correcting" other people saying it's a fact wouldn't be right I don't think, especially if you're saying that in a conversation about Marcille journey of death acceptance.

Death is a touchy subject and everyone is at different stages of their own journeys with it so I really don't want to judge those who would rather have Falin or even Laios live longer. I'm not really sure how to talk about this in the proper way, but I hope I didn't make anyone upset!

#ask #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi #death tw #tw death #Meta ask #long post #longpost #dunmeshi thoughts #Falin Touden #Marcille Donato

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mondeocon · 7 months ago

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the checo grid kids according to me 🤪

pato o'ward - 100% checo's favourite, eldest son - the kitkat post re-affirms his status as the funniest

franco colapinto - newest addition, checo seems to be mother-henning him and it's so cute. he's also extremely funny.

yuki tsunoda - the "tow? okay i'll tow" clip, the medal video where checo pulls him to the podium - his. son. him teaching some japanese words to chestappen. all the challenges (that he lost because chestappen won't stop cheating). he reminds checo of kamui 🥺

lance stroll - no need of explanations, enough content is available 😁 but anyways yes, the racing point content of them is so cute

hamda al qubaisi - we got 3 videos and she also posted a story (picture of her with chestappen) saying "RedBull family". also her teaching them arabic.

amna al qubaisi - we don't have content except pics of her at a vcarb event with yuki, but being hamda's elder sister automatically makes her part of the family

emely de heus - she is max's daughter, and has so much of his personality. the video discussing belgium stuff and "barcelona is good to us", checo's by-association daughter

chloe chambers - look she hasn't joined rb ford academy yet, but i consider her as a kid because her being from The Americas is enough relation for me. also, we'll get (hopefully) more content when she joins next year.

if hamda/amna do not get to re-sign with rbr/vcarb at the end of this year - we will have two more girls joining rbr and vcarb, and by association, they will become checo's/chestappen's kids

thank you for reading my essay 😭

#checo perez #sergio perez #max verstappen #chestappen #franco colapinto #yuki tsunoda #pato o'ward #hamda al qubaisi #amna al qubaisi #emely de heus #chloe chambers #lance stroll

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sevs-corner · 5 months ago

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Another quick shot ideas on- Tf 141: Mafia AU!

Link to Prev parts:

Currently on Ch 2- Mini Epilogue, and you can find it here :D 👇

A/N: 1st Edit of adding onto Price’s part + the other TF 141 boiyos will get their own on a separate post✨

So here’s the sitch folks

Price👏has👏the👏moola

Which means that he will not hesitate to spend it all for you

But he keeps it lowkey, he isn’t the show-y type (cough Soap cough)

So he starts slow, aside from giving you his apparels, he wants to give something to call your own

But if he asks what you want, you’d suspect him

‘Smart sweetie,’ he thinks, whenever he sees you give him that inquisitive look

Eyebrow raised, a knowing smirk

If only you knew the things you do to this man behind closed doors

He starts giving you simple stuff, a bracelet - something that was sleek in design but had good value (both sentimentally and economically)

Because, when he gave that bracelet to you

It was the day he, tells himself this, officially fell for you- wanting to do his damnest to court you however possible way he can

Imagine a cold December, the worst possible season ever for you.

You hate the cold, as much as how it cool it becomes when the rain rolls in and rattles your bones.

No, you’re not old, just weary.

You always hated the rain, but why- as you stood hand-in-hand with this mafia boss- did you want the rain to continue.

Currently, you were running through the rain with him, laughing all the way until you found a tiny closed up shop with an awning over it.

Pointing at it with a quick, “over there! Som cover!”

Price nods and speeds up his pace, making you squeal— complaining that he should slow down or you’ll both slip but he insists.

“I’ll catch you,” he says so reassuringly, “don’t worry.”

And you didn’t.

Even when you both slid under the awning, with you almost slipping past-- but luckily he was there.

You then realize he is a man of his word.

Catch you he will, and catch you he did.

With his hands on your waist, you swore to yourself that you haven’t felt this more secure than ever in your life.

John Price on the other hand, was tethering-- barely able to keep his hands to himself once he got a taste on holding you in his arms.

He pulled you closer, not letting his hands leave you for a second, as he lets his inhibitions go, resulting with his arms wrapping around you securely. (That even if you did try to escape you wouldn't be able to- not like you wanted to anyways.)

Once he fells no resistance coming from you, he breathes in deep, trying to live in the moment as much as possible as you relax in his hold- both of your giggles dying out and letting the patter of rain consume space instead.

"You know," you whisper, "I hate the rain."

You could feel Price's chest rumble, and his voice respond right next to your ear.

"I know that, lovie."

You let that stew in you, humming out a reply that just came to the top of your head.

"But I don't hate it right now."

Price wanted to ask why, but he knew-- inside he knew why you didn't at that moment. Though it didn't feel right to voice his thoughts at the moment and simply holds you closer instead, hoping to reassure you through it that,

'its okay to hate things most of the time, but then like it when you're with someone.'

And he thinks to himself, maybe... it was like that with you too.

He never liked going out on dates- he never had time for those frivolous things.

He wasn't a gift giver, but always found himself giving you whatever you wanted or needed.

He wasn't a lover, but damned the world and his existence would be if he couldn't find himself not to love you.

Squeezing his arms close to you made him snap back to his reality, the reality that you were in arms-reach.

And that tether?

Now fully loose and wrapped around you-- just as his arms are.

Once you arrived back at your apartment, John knew that now was the right time.

So he tugs at your coat from the bottom of the stairs, barely able to catch you before you leave his sight.

“Hey.”

He watches you turn around, a crooked smile on your face as you copy him.

“Hey?”

“I-,” he stumbles, “-could you..?”

He lips feels dry, the saliva he gulps becomes hard to do with his throat feeling like sandpaper, his hands get clammy and he has to shove it down his pocket to avoid you seeing it shake.

You stare at him, head tilted as you return back his words to him- hoping to coax out whatever he wanted to get out.

“Could I..?”

With a deep breath, he forces eye contact with and asks,

“Will you accept this?”

From deep within the recess of his pocket, he hands you a small dark navy leathered covered box, gold engraving on its front— and it made you pause.

“John…” you step down the stairs to stand chest to chest with him, “…what’s this for?”

You wrapped your hands around his, entrapping the box between his hands.

If there was moment in his life where he felt his heart drop in- this would be the number one.

What if he overstepped—?

Moved too soon, way too early? Fuck- he just messed up didn’t he-?

“John?”

But your voice forces him to resurface from the deep spiral and he shakes his head. Splitting him from fantasy and reality.

He tries to ground himself further by dropping his head to lock eyes with you, and he swore that the stars still shined in them, just as the day he met you.

“I,” he licks his chapped lips, “I thought of you when I saw this.”

You released his hands for him to open it and once he did, you gasped, eyes snapping back and forth from the silver bracelet and his face- oh his face.

It was so twinged in nervousness but at the same time, a sense of softness and vulnerability that you instinctively knew that he never shows this kind of side of him to anyone.

“I got a couple of charms on it,” he points out with a chuckle, “thought it’d be nice to add onto it whenever we go to places.”

“Like a keepsake…” you mutter, thoughts unable to be kept within as you feel your chest tighten.

He nods, “precisely.”

“And this,” he points to the rain droplet charm, “will be a reminder of today.”

Any thought that came onto your brain was incoherent and words, if it were to be spoken right now, felt too cheap to say.

So you settle for a hug, one so tight and comforting that Price greedily wishes that he could be in it forevermore.

Eventually you had to let go, dry your eyes, and tuck in for the night.

“John!”

You call out one last time by your window, and said man turns, his usual smile softened by the glow of the moon.

“I kinda like the rain now!”

His laughter resounds through the night as he carries your words next to his heart.

‘One day,’ he thinks to himself, ‘one day we’ll get to fill up that bracelet.’

#tf 141 mafia au #unedited #crackfic #cod x reader #tf 141 x reader #tf 141 x you #cod mw2 #price x reader #john price #cod john price #price x you #captain price x reader #captain price x you

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muffinrecord · 11 months ago

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Current Plans + Musings

I don't plan on playing Exedra to the degree I did for Magia Record, or playing it at all. Because of that, I won't be taking an active role in the community and archiving anything for it. Of course, if Exedra has like amazing gameplay and stories then this is all subject to change, but for now I think I'm done with phone games.

The two youtube channels will stay up and I'll check em periodically to make sure there aren't copyright strikes against the content. I've saved all my raw files, especially for the battle animations, so I can remake them in the future if the music ever becomes a problem for some reason.

Google Drive will stay up until Google rots away. I haven't recorded footage in a long time (as in stories, I do for the character doppels and such), but I'll upload things if they're sent to me.

Magia Union Translations still plans on translating things and making videos, especially leading up to the end, but also for after the game is over for whatever wasn't made in time. I'm not sure what form this will take in the future-- if it'll be manual captions added to the videos or not, but I know it WILL happen.

As for this blog, I'm not going to delete it or anything. However I'm going to be taking a step back. I'd like to say that I'll do liveblogs but I mean... *gestures at blog* I've been saying that for years and the only one I really did successfully was the Oriko one lmao. Ahhh oh well.

I'll have more words later, but it was really fun to be part of a fandom experience like this. I'm excited to work on my own original story projects though and quiet down a bit.

...

When I started this blog, I never expected it to have people actually read it. Or look at it. I just wanted a place to gush about how much fun I was having. I didn't even want to tag the posts with "Magia Record" at first because I was terrified people would be mean at me, haha.

But I'm glad I did. I made so many good friends through this game. I'm glad it existed. And it made me happy to have a place where people cared about what I had to say. Some folks actually got their news from here, can you imagine that? They had notifications turned on for this blog. My god.

Anyways, I'm going to be here for the next two months, and tomorrow I'll start reblogging fan projects and initiatives, plus general news. Maybe this blog will turn into a dumping site for art and fanfic reblogs, who knows. I might watch the remaining stuff and add various thoughts here and there.

Otherwise, you can find me on my main blog @malignmuffin, which only reblogs stuff (I don't talk much if at all there). I have another tumblr blog for my comic, but I think I'll reshare the name once I actually have content you can look at on it. It's pretty bare bones for the moment.

Actually it'll be funny if the end of this game is what makes me finally work on it again. I was in the process of working on it when NA came out, and it totally derailed me. Stopped writing, drawing, just focused on this silly little phone game. Now it's like those five years have gone by and I'm going back to where I started, except I think my lil comic is going to be a bit better than it was before. If I actually make it, that is.

If I ever do actually make my comic and start posting it, I'll be sure to update y'all here. hah

Anyways, thanks for being on this wild ride with me. The memories have been great, and I'm glad I had this experience, even if it had to end.

#Magia Record #End of JP

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callmewrinkles3 · 8 months ago

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Nothing new - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: Some decisions are difficult and bittersweet to make. During rocky times, sadness can be an unwise advisor, but with friends and family around, taking those decisions becomes easier.

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Sex talk. Pregnancy talk. Mentions of mental health issues, pregnancy loss, injuries and past crashes -we don’t like you, Zandvoort 23- and past abusive family. McLaren being mentioned too, sorry.

Words: 16.2k

A/N: HELLO AGAIN. After a little post this morning we’re finally back with our long-as-hell-oneshot regular schedule. Let’s forget about what happened in Zandvoort for our own mental health 😌 Hope you like this mess of a oneshot, hope you are all well and promise we’re gonna post soon. See you around, kiddos.🫶🏻

June 2024.

If Em had to put a date on it, she'd say it started during Monaco weekend. But in her heart and soul she knew it was before then. It started with the realization that she didn't want to return to work. She wanted to just be Lulu's mum and Dan's wife and do it properly. She couldn't do both that and get back to work as Dan's assistant and do it right.

She simply didn't want to run around people anymore. She didn't want to squeeze through the paddock and the pit lane to organise things and get Dan on track. She was there anyway because she was Dan's wife. She was always going to support him. But now she had a chance to do it because she chose to, not because she had to.

It started while she was standing in the garage after FP3 in Monaco while she watched the sponsors looking at their brands neatly printed on the car. She understood people's passion for cars even though she didn't share them. However, she was disgusted by the men in suits who were only there to be there and take photos. That was the day she admitted she didn't want to go back to work and deal with them.

Em knew it all started with McLaren. She could make a ridiculously long list of the things the orange team took from her and her family. Her and Dan's physical and mental well-being was at the top of the list. A close second was her trust in people when she finally learned how to. She'd begun to make friends and trust and open up to people, but it was ripped away so suddenly it left a brand new wound that she was still trying to heal.

The other major thing they ruined was how much she adored her job. And if she was brutally honest with herself in therapy with Mildred she could admit it hurt the most. She loved her job. At the beginning when Dan told her she was getting paid it felt weird. Being paid by the man she was sleeping with and who she loved? It was strange. But she loved the job and the work she did. It gave Em a reason to be in the paddock and spend time with her boys. Working by Blake's side every day made her happy. She had a reason to spend basically every day with her best friend. Even when they joked they were sick of each other, Blake would give her a hug and swear he couldn't do it without her.

She used to find joy in planning their trips and booking places for dinners. It was fun to colour code schedules so they could tell at a glance what could be moved if needed. She liked running around the paddock with her pit access badge around her neck, her tablet in her arms, and her boys by her side. While she hated the spotlight and the whispered comments about her, at least at Renault she could deal with it. She had to deal with it and learned how by the time they arrived at McLaren.

When their bags became orange and Dan’s half of the wardrobe was filled with the colour it became a constant struggle. Work was a battle for her to be heard and listened to and able to get her point across, and then thanks to the poisonous atmosphere it affected her home life. And then it all fell apart.

McLaren broke them and it took a miracle to get them back together. Love gave them the patience to work on themselves and their relationship. They put the pieces back together once at a time, gluing them into place until they could hold. But even then something inside Em just felt dead.

Something in her had broken, and Dan couldn't help her fix it like he’d helped with everything else. She couldn’t even admit it until now. Back then she thought it was everything she’d lost in such a short space of time - Dan, their relationship, their home and her family. Then she blamed the miscarriage. She blamed her parents and everything they said and did. She also blamed Michael because he made everything more difficult even though she knew she shouldn’t.

There were times when she didn’t feel that broken part inside. She had her Danny, their family, and rebuilt their home together. She had his ring on her finger and their little wedding to promise they loved each other and then their big one to tell the world. They had their sunshine girl and there was nothing that could have prepared Em for the love she had for her baby Luna. But that broken love for her job never came back.

She wasn’t in a position to work when she got back to Dan’s side. She couldn’t think straight at the time, so it was ridiculous to consider working. She knew Blake and Dan agreed and said yes when she said she wanted to return. She knew it was their attempt to distract her from the mess of their lives, but it never happened, at least not in full capacity. Looking back, Em was aware it was all a terrible need to feel like things were normal in some way. It was her way to feel like she didn’t blow out her whole life for not having the courage to stand up to Dan and all her fears and ghosts.

If she could barely gather the strength to make it to the paddock as Dan’s girlfriend, she wouldn't have the strength to work like she used to. The only thing that kept her going were Dan and Blake. She also knew she could stay hidden away from the world when she wasn't in the garage. Strength temporarily returned when McLaren decided to fight against Dan. She could barely keep herself standing, but she lifted and carried Dan, putting herself together as well as possible to keep him moving. Dan had been doing that for her for months, so she had to do it for him.

The one last time the strength to work came back was when she had to walk into the MTC and face McLaren and the people she despised. She had to fight for the man she loved. She got there fought them and won, but all the energy was drained after that. It was a brief period and then her pieces started falling apart again.

As the months passed the attention never turned back to that. She hated herself for leaving Blake on his own when he had too much on his plate, but she needed to focus on herself and Dan. She needed to hug him, kiss his cheeks and remind him that it was only a matter of time until they could be home for a year. In some months they would burn everything that was orange and had the name McLaren on it. It was a matter of time, then they could figure out what they were doing next.

Em thought she could do it. She could keep it together for what was left of the year, but then she had to break her hand. Then everything was a constant battle with Michael, the criticism about her husband wouldn’t stop no matter what he did, and on top of that they faced her parents. By the end of the year Em could barely leave the bed, and any work-related matter was long forgotten inside one of her suitcases.

Blake insisted she didn't have to return to action any time soon. Summer break was supposed to be used to disconnect and that's what Em and Dan needed to do. They could think about it later in the year, but in the meantime, they deserved some time off to heal, plan their wedding and be with their family. Blake had the same plan and after spending some time with Em and Dan in Perth, he was gonna fly home for the holidays to be with his family, but Charlie happened. He wasn’t expecting to meet and fall in love with a gorgeous, brilliant woman who was head over heels in love with him too. When it happened everyone was happy that it did. If someone deserved love and happiness that was Blake, so it was wonderful to see it come true.

The idea of working became even less appealing to Em. Seeing her husband smiling again at a car launch was a sign she hadn’t seen in a while. The sight of Dan actually having fun again doing press and sponsor work was something Em thought was long gone. Even seeing Blake smiling so bright and big while looking at his phone made Em forget how terrible the previous year was for them.

That's how months passed and with them the incredibly excited news about their pregnancy. Then came their wedding, Scotty and Chloe’s wedding and Dan testing for Red Bull. Everything happened so suddenly that Em had to keep her focus on her Danny and that's what she did. By then, Em was in some meetings, but she was mostly on the side, holding Dan’s hand and promising everything would be alright. After all the difficult things they faced through it had to be alright for him and his career.

Dan breaking his hand wasn’t on her bingo card that year, making it all messy and complicated. He was finally in a car and had to step to the side before he could even taste it. Em never thought that at seven months pregnant she would be holding her husband’s good hand as he lay on a hospital bed ready for a multiple fracture surgery. She never thought she would have to sit there promising her husband everything would be alright while she was fighting one of their former friends for talking about Dan’s injury to the press. The last thing any of them needed was Michael sneaking into their business. Em was already nervous enough and it wasn't good for her pregnancy.

Em hated to say it, but the accident was part disgrace and part blessing. Thanks to it they got more time off, allowing them to return to Perth for some extra days. They had the chance to be with their family for Grace’s birthday, Blake got to spend some extra days with Charlie, and they knew more than anyone how they needed to cherish extra time with their loved ones. Dan and Em even had some time to slowly putting something together at Lulu’s nursery in the farm, so something good came out of it.

As months passed by, things got crazier with organizing their lives and Dan returning back to racing, but nothing ever got as crazy as when Lulu finally arrived. Their whole universe changed, their world shifted and nothing really mattered after that.

There was a lot of mess in their lives, but they were happy and for the first time, things seemed to be going their way. Maybe that is why Em found it so difficult to think about finishing her maternity leave at the time. It was agreed that Em would take a few months off and then we would see how things were going and how she felt at that time. She was thankful to be able to spend as much time as possible with her newborn baby. She was grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with her family, and she made the most of it. That's why Em decided it was best for her to stay off work.

Not only was Dan too busy, but Lulu was so tiny. If Em was working Lulu would be right there with them in the paddock and Charlie was gonna be looking after her, but Em just couldn’t. It wasn’t about Charlie. She was like Lulu’s second mum. They knew Charlie and Blake would always love her and protect her, that's why they were her godparents. It wasn’t them, but Em not willing to take her attention from her daughter. She really wanted to be with Lulu and spend time with her. In one of her therapy sessions, Mildred told Emma it was perfectly normal and understandable. Being a first time mom, considering all the things that have happened to them and how much they wanted to have a baby, it was logical that given the option Em would want to be there with their daughter all the time. Em wanted to take that chance. Dan always reminded her how privileged and lucky they have a good life not worrying about a lot of things. For once she was gonna pay attention to her husband and enjoy doing nothing except looking after her family. Em finally had the life and family she never thought she would have and wanted to enjoy them.

Admitting it to herself was one of the most difficult things Em had to do in a long time. She felt that she had no reason not to work. There were two voices in her head: one was her mother's voice telling her to stay at home and not work because that was what a woman should do and the other was her own feelings of regret about not working. She had no idea what it was like not to work. Emma has worked non stop since she was seventeen and had to take care of herself. Having a baby was no excuse because there were all those other mums out there having their kids, doing their jobs, and running their homes. Not loving her job anymore shouldn’t be an excuse.

As Mildred told her, being with her family was a strong reason. Not wanting to compromise her mental health was comprehensible. Not wanting to do it was a perfectly fine reason too, but if Emma needed something stronger, then her family was good enough. The main reason why Emma started working with Dan was to help him and Blake, so now she could keep helping as a wife and a friend instead of as an assistant. Priorities shifted and hers changed. Her priority was her family and it was perfect.

Before she took any decisions Emma decided she needed to talk to Blake and then to Dan. Even when back in the day Dan was the one paying her salary and technically her boss, Blake was the one who worked side-by-side with Em. For the world Blake was Em’s boss, but they worked together to make things run as smoothly as possible. After all the messes she made she wanted to talk to him before making any decision, especially if it included him.

“If technically I didn't want to work again, what would happen?” Em asked Blake once they were alone for more than two minutes. Charlie was napping, Dan was out on a short walk with Lulu and Steve, so it was only her and Blake as she worked on dinner.

“Nothing. I mean, I miss working with you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask you to double check one small thing for me cause you are going to be right there sitting in front of me.” Blake shurgged as he drank his coffee.

“Really? You won’t be mad at me? And how many cups did you have today, B?”

“Emma Charlotte Ricciardo, I swear to God. Really? Ain’t we way past that? You know I won't get mad at you. And don't ask me such thing as how much coffee I had.” He smiled, knowing the answer was probably too many cups. Between work, a wedding being planned on the other side of the world, and helping care for his baby niece Blake was tired, but he was a happy man.

“Fine. But about the other thing, I just wanna know, alright?"

“Timmy, I’ve been waiting for you to say the word for months. I knew you weren’t coming back for some time now, and if I'm honest I’m happy you are not. It means you’ve got something way better going on. You’re too good for all this mess, Em. You’re seriously too damn good for this weird circus."

Em smiled shyly as she looked at the water starting to boil in front of them. She really had something good going on in her life. She really had an excellent reason not to go back. The fact that Blake agree was a big relief. It was a big weight off her shoulders. “I wanted to. I really did. Working with you again would be so good. But I… They need me, Blakey. They need me and I need to be Lu’s mum and Dan’s wife and nothing else.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Em. If that’s what you want, then you'll do that.” Em simply nodded at her friend’s words. She couldn't imagine doing anything else. She hoped it would be different in the future, but not at the moment. “Hey, you know how proud I am of you? That shy woman next door is this brilliant woman with a husband and a baby and a life. And a pretty cool brother, too. That’s pretty cool, Timothy.”

“You’re a silly man. But you’re right. I can’t believe it either. It’s kinda scary, you know?”

“Nothing and especially nobody will take that from you. I promise you. You just look after them and let me make sure you’re ok too. We’re a family, Timmy. We don’t need to work together to look after each other. You’re my sister and that's it. I love you no matter what. And I know Charlie feels the same way."

The shy girl Blake met all those years ago and was absolutely lonely and scared of everything wouldn’t have asked for a hug, but it was another story with the actual Emma. She didn’t hesitate, leaving the spoon on the table and moving the sauce she was making away from the fire to give Blake a hug. Her brother was on her top five list of Best hugs in the world, and she would steal one whenever she could. That afternoon seemed like an excellent time to get one.

“I love you too, B. And I love that wife of yours." Emmy smiled, resting her head comfortably against Blake’s chest.

“Three months and she’ll finally be my wife. Can you believe that?” As Blake kissed the top of her head, she could feel him smiling at her. Em didn’t think she ever saw someone as excited to get married as Blake was. Dan was happy and excited when they did too. He always said meeting Em, getting her back, marrying her and having Lulu were the highlights of his life. She never doubted her husband's words, but Blake was next level of happiness and joy. He was like a happy kid with candy and a brand-new toy, still pinching himself to check it was not a dream. At least once a week he asked Charlie and even Dan and Em if it was really happening, simply because he couldn’t believe he was marrying the love of his life.

“Honestly I can believe it. But it was the best decision you ever made, darling."

"That and saying hi to my nice new next door neighbor. That was an excellent call too.” Blake insisted, giving Em one last squeeze and kiss on the top of her head before he finally let her make dinner.

“It was a smart idea. Second smartest after proposing to Char.” Em smiled, grabbing the wooden spoon to stir the sauce. After filling it, she placed it in front of her friend. “Now try it and let me know if it's good or not."

“What do you mean if it's good? Mama Emmy's sauce is always good." Blake grabbed the spoon and ate it all up. As he smiled, Em could tell what he was thinking about it. She couldn't help but smile back. She knew they all loved her magical sauce, and that made her feel special. Em always felt a some sense of pride as she watched her family enjoy the food she made. She always thought her cooking was more about love than skill, so it filled her with joy to know it put a smile on their faces. "It makes so much sense that you married into an Italian family. This is so incredible it's ridiculous."

As simple as her talk with Blake was, she was terrified of talking to Dan. He wasn't going to say it was a terrible idea or anything like that. She knew her husband would support her in whatever she did. He was always supportive and made sure his loved ones had smiles on their faces. But admitting it to Dan would make it real. If she admitted it to him, then it would be like finally admitting it to herself and signing the resignation letter. Talking to Dan meant making it final. It was terrifying, even when she knew it was the right thing for her and her family.

Before Emma could find the right moment to do it, Dan found it for them. With Lulu in the park and grocery shopping with her godparents, Dan and Em were at home to give them some grown-up time. They never complained. They loved spending time with their daughter, but Charlie insisted.

"Do married couples stuff, alright? No work, just normal people stuff. We're gonna go get some candy and swing in the park before we get sick of you, mum and dad". Those were Charlie's words as she held Lulu and Blake laughed, grabbing Lulu's bag ready to leave. It was a kiss to their daughter before they walked out the door. Soon after, Dan dragged Em to the couch.

She always said she had the superpower of knowing what Dan needed, and that day it was to hug his wife. He needed to wrap his arms around her body and hold her as close as possible. It took Em a minute to realize it wasn't about him, but about her. Dan knew something was bothering her, so he held her until she found the words. He knew it could take a couple of minutes or even hours, but he waited patiently.

"You're waiting for me to say why I'm overthinking, right?" Em finally broke the silence as she placed kisses over his neck and shoulder.

"I have all day, so there's no hurry." Dan's patience was one of the things she admired about him. Or at least his patience with her. It gave Em a safe space where she knew there was no hurry or rush. No matter what her fears or anxieties were, no judgment was made. Dan understood better than anyone else that some conversations needed time, so he held her safely, giving her all the time she needed.

“We gotta go back to mum and dad when Lu is back, so not all day."

“You know Blake and Charlie won't have any issues looking after her for the night if we need it."

“You and I both know it won’t happen. A day off at home? She’s gonna be squeezed between us as soon as she crosses that door." she smiled, feeling how Dan nooded in agreement. Days off were family days, so there was no way Lulu was going to spend the night away from them. But Dan was right and Em didn't want to have that conversation with their daughter at home. “I don’t need you to promise me you won’t get mad, right? ”

“Not at all. You know you can tell me anything you want, Emmy." Dan assured, looking down at her. His big brown eyes always made Em feel better. Dan always looked at her with love and adoration, exactly the kind she thought didn't exist before they met. Combined with the sweet way he kissed her, it gave her the strength to finally talk to her husband.

“I just- I don’t think I want to work anymore? I mean, not forever, but for some time? It's not about you or B. You know I love working with you both, but... I don't know, baby. I guess F1 is not my cup of tea, y'know? I don't want to work there, Dan. Not in the paddock and around all that craziness. I thought it was fun for a while, but then I got tired of it. They ruined the fun for me. I can't do it anymore. I keep showing up because it's your job, but I like it less and less every day, Dan. There are so many people around that it's hard to cope. I know it won't be healthy for me to work again. Not there and especially when Lu is so small and you need-"

Emma suddenly stopped talking when she realized what she was gonna say. She didn't want to overstep, but Dan kissed her before continuing talking for her. “You can say it. I need you. I really need you. I know it. I’m not ashamed or scared to admit I need my wife and daughter by my side. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it."

“And I need you. I need my family. I need to just be your wife and Lulu’s mum. I want to just be just Em for a while. I have to look after my family, baby. I want to keep things like this and be available for my babies. And it's scary because I don't even know what it was like not to work. The only time I didn't do it was when I was sick. And there’s this voice inside my head saying it's the wrong thing to do, but I really need it."

"Remember the day I knocked on your door asking what to do with Red Bull?" Dan asked, taking Em's hand to kiss her wedding rings.

"You at my door with lemon cake, wine and the biggest puppy eyes? How could I ever forget?". It felt like yesterday even though it had happened six years later. She would never forget his crazy curls and handsome face on the other side of the door asking if he could come in. If she closed her eyes she could feel the nerves in her stomach for having him there. She even remembered his perfume filling the room. It was his eyes that Emma remembered most. He really looked like a kicked puppy. He had a mix of confusion, sadness and worry that made her want to hug him and kiss the frown away from hid face. There was no way she would ever do that, so instead she sat there in front of him, trying to be helpful to the the man she was convinced that was never going to look at her as more than just a friend.

"I was shitting my pants all the way to your place. I had no idea how to knock on your door and say I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see you so badly you have no idea." Dan confessed, making Em smile shyly. She had no idea about that day. She couldn’t believe Dan was scared about it, but deep down she knew her Dan was a shy guy. The man behind that extrovert personality and big smile was still a shy person who took months, a difficult race, and an unbelievable amount of drunkenness before kissing her for the first time.

"We were just kids, huh?"

"Yeah, we were just kiddos. We really were just kids trying to figure shit out. But you remember what you asked me that day?"

"The wrong thing probably?"

“It wasn't wrong, baby.” Em couldn’t help but smile at her husband. She wasn’t surprised by his answer. Despite the fact that it probably wasn't the best thing, Dan was sure Em never said anything wrong. For Daniel, his wife was always right in some way. He was convinced she was the brightest, smartest, wisest person in the world, so his Emmy was absolutely right. She knew she had fucked up by not telling him not to sign with Renault and especially with McLaren. Em knew she should have stopped him right away, but Dan always insisted she hadn't said anything wrong. Em only gave him advice, but he took the decision on his own. “You asked me what I wanted. You told me to follow my gut. You told me to listen to my heart. That’s what I did. Now I'll tell you the same thing. What does your heart say? Not your head, just your heart and guts."

It was such an easy call. Because it was such an easy decision, Em didn't have to think twice before saying it out loud. “I want to be with you and Lu as much as possible, Dan.”

“Then we do that.”

“What about the brand?”

“Thats not a problem, Em. We keep doing what we've done so far. It's working just fine, but if it doesn't, we'll figure out a way. It's not like you won't give me your opinion. You know you can be in meetings whenever you want. It's alright. And if you ever want to go back, you can do it. Enchanté will always be our thing. It was our first real project together, and that won't change. It's ours no matter what. And if one day you want to do something completely different, that's fine too. You have all the choices and time to decide. We're lucky to be able to do this without worrying about many things, so just stick with your heart."

"I just don't wanna disappoint you, Dan. And it won't be forever"

"You could never do such a thing, baby. The fact that you're doing this in part cause I need you? Cause our family needs you? I'm nothing but grateful, Wrinkles. I just want you to be happy. If it lasts forever but you're happy, that's it. You know what they say, 'Happy wife happy life'. Here at home it's more like 'Happy wife, happy baby, happy husband, happy life'. If my baby mama's good, then we're all happy."

"Thank you. For everything you do for us. And for loving me so hard and not giving up on me."

"Loving you is the easiest thing to do, Mrs Ricciardo." After one long hug the decision was finally taken and sealed with a kiss. It was the right thing for everyone, so Em was happy to accept it.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too imany reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it, so they would rather wait and focus their energy and time in other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. Dan talked to his team, friends, and family, but then his with wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It ended up becoming their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would take care of more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time during race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep as he fed her and changed her for their day. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of cuddling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had more than three seconds free. The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em was aware of how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sex life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel wanted. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved more in the entire universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for absolutely everything and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them. He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. Em had to live the pregnancy in a rollercoaster that was nothing like the chill year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, live part of the time in Italy, help their friends in a long distance relationship, lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him get back to racing all in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth all the way back to Europe when she should be home getting used to being a first-time mom and all that it brought with it. They had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and a new season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them pass through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father.

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, the fear only became stronger. Em could see how he rethought and reconsidered every option and decision he made. Dan promised again and again that she would be his top priority. He swore their child was going to always be the top priority in his life, but now it was all slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away. Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She was feeling like the most awful person in the world when she did it. She felt like the worst mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. Her one thing was to protect them and help them but instead she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She was gonna be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too many reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it. Instead, they would rather wait and focus their energy and time on other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. After talking to his team, friends, and family, Dan spoke to his wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband had asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It became their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would care for more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time on race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep while he fed her and changed her. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of snuggling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had a moment free.

The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em knew how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was still scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sexual life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel was looking for. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved the most in the universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for everything he did, and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them.

He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. During the pregnancy, Em lived a rollercoaster ride that was nothing like the relaxing year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, spend part of the time in Italy, and help their friends in a long distance relationship. She had to lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him return to racing in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth to travel all the way back to Europe. She should have been home getting used to being a first-time mom and all it brought. If it wasn't enough, they had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and the upcoming season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them go through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father.

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, fear only became stronger. Em could see how he was rethinking and reconsidering every option and decision he made. Dan promised she would be his top priority. He swore their child would always be the top priority in his life, but now it was slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away.

Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She felt like the worst person in the world when she did it. She felt like the most horrible mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. The only thing she wanted to do was protect them and help them, but instead, she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She would be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

But even knowing it was temporary, the guilt didn’t go away for weeks. They had one week off after Monaco and half of it was both of them feeling guilty about their decisions. Dan promised that the week would be exclusively for the three of them, and it started by taking Lulu to the beach Dan bought Em over their first weekend together in Monaco.

Em couldn’t help but think Monaco was cursed for them. They cursed it after getting together. Year after year, it was one terrible thing after another. It was so awful that she didn't like being there at all. She knew they had to for legal reasons, but she didn’t like to spend more than necessary there. Monaco had so many memories Em felt like she couldn’t breathe there. After they got back there, they moved their things to another apartment on the opposite side of the city. The apartment had a beautiful view, two rooms and a more spacious kitchen than the old apartment had, but Em still wasn’t happy. Em couldn’t help but feel out of place because she didn’t belong there. She was still the girl who loved her simple life in London. She loved being home and having a normal life doing normal things such as grocery shopping, fixing dinner for her family and doing laundry. She could tell Dan wasn’t happy to be there either. He could see how his wife was uncomfortable and his daughter was less chilled out. Lulu wasn’t grouchy, but she got irritated faster when they stayed there.

The one happy day they had in Monaco after their terribly difficult conversation was when they decided to return to the beach where they had been all those years back after they slept together for the first time. It was Dan’s desperate need to spend time with his family who brought them there, and Em was delighted they did it. Seeing Lulu giggling was one of the counted good things that happened to them there in the last few years. Maybe it was the one happy thing that happened to them. Watching her husband holding their daughter so she could wet her tiny feet in the ocean was one of those memories that would last forever. Watching her water-loving baby smiling at the sensation of the waves hitting her skin was all Em needed to feel lighter even if just for a few hours. That and being held by her husband as he promised everything would be alright kept her going through the week.

Having some family time in New York and traveling to their house in Austin also helped ease her heavy heart. She knew it was a matter of days until they started their ‘No more distractions over the race weekend’, but first they had some normality. They lived a couple of days like any normal family, doing mundane things any couple with a baby would do. Doing the dishes at their home and taking Lulu to the park felt like a privilege and Em soaked it up. She enjoyed every second with her loves until they had to fly to Canada.

When they reached Thursday and press day it was all gone and the reality of her words hit her as hard as possible. Waking up to Dan still asleep and not sitting down in bed holding Lulu almost brought tears to her eyes, but she stopped herself. She took a deep breath to control her emotions, trying to keep them together. The last thing Dan needed was to wake up with his wife crying. He had been through that too many times in the last couple of years. Two years earlier they were in Montana, crying all day and giving Dan the chance to walk away from their relationship before heading to Canada. When they were there she had to ask Dan to keep Michael away from her for some time because she just couldn’t handle his comments. Things were completely different, but memories weren’t easy and she knew it. It was not easy, it was still somehow in the back of his head, that’s why Em didn’t want him to add more worries to his already long list.

It was her job. One of the reasons Emma left her job as Dan's assistant was that she didn't love it any more. She had a much longer list, including her mental health on top. But one of the most significant reasons was focusing on her family. Her priority was her family. The first two people on her list were her Dan and her Lulu. She got up, made her way to the bathroom and walked straight to their daughter to start their morning in silence while Dan rested.

She loved the quiet, soft, slow moments with Lulu in the morning. Em loved cuddling and feeding her baby while ignoring the world outside their room. Lulu’s big brown eyes looking up at her were one of the most incredible things that ever happened to her. She couldn't believe how that six-month-old beauty with crazy tiny curls was her daughter. She couldn’t believe how each day Lulu looked more and more like Dan. For Em it was glorious because if Lulu didn’t look like her, she wouldn’t look like Emma’s mother. Thankfully, their baby was full Ricciardo which gave Em nothing but joy, especially considering Dan was the most handsome man in the world for her. Being able to stay there with Lulu in her arms looking at Dan sleeping peacefully was a privilege for Em.

For an hour and a half, her husband's snores were Em's background noise as she cuddled, kissed and changed Lulu. As Em got ready for their day, she smiled at Dan. She had no idea how she used to sleep without Dan as her white noise. She barely remembered how it was to go to bed without his arms wrapped around her. She couldn't even think how it was to wake up without his curls and stubble tickling her skin. Em could not help but laugh because she never imagined marrying a man who occasionally loved a mustache on his face. However, she loved Dan and all his weird and questionable facial hair choices. She must have giggled too loudly because Dan stirred as she talked to Lulu.

Maybe Emma giggled too loudly and made too much noise without realizing, because as she talked to Lulu, Dan started to stir. Like every morning she kissed his forehead. It became a small tradition and whoever was up first always did that while whispering a little good morning. Em cut too many things from his routine, but that wasn’t one of them. Em wouldn't leave behind the extra five or ten minutes of cuddles in bed. Those small things she was not willing to give up on. She might not let her husband get up earlier, but her family was gonna have their usual cuddle session to start the day like they always did. She wasn’t willing to take from her beloved family their morning little ritual of Dan kissing Lulu good morning. It was her face first, then her hands, tummy and feet, making her giggle with joy, dimples full on display, exactly like her daddy. It was all those moments that made Em remember every single decision and sacrifice was worth it if the loves of her life were happy. She was exhausted, but it gave her an extra shot of energy to hear Dan call her Mama as he talked to Lulu.

Em knew it was probably too soon to say and see any changes, but seeing her husband doing so well in Canada was like a breath of fresh air. A wonderful P5 in quali and P8 in the race was more than they expected. Em never doubted him, but trusting what the car could do was a completely different story.

Canada was wonderful, but they were just incredibly excited about visiting Barcelona. They were looking forward to meeting their family there, so it was good news for everyone. With Isabella and Isaac on school break, the family spent some time in Europe with Dan, Em and Lulu. It was all they really needed. Just as a toothless smile from their daughter could lift their spirits, a hug from the kids or Grace or Joe could lift their spirits. It was healing to watch them all cover Lulu in love when they couldn’t do it for months. It was magical to see Joe and Grace holding their tiny granddaughter and the kids playing with their baby cousin.

Having their family there not only meant much needed family time, but also Grandparents in charge. Lulu would spend at least a whole afternoon with Grace and Joe every time they were with them. They loved their grandkids, so spending the day with them was absolutely wonderful. That also allowed Dan and Em to have adult time without their baby around. Grace and Joe insisted the four of them needed some time to be just adults without thinking about the baby in the family and that's what they did.

Dan and Blake promised to join Charlie and Em later in the afternoon after press day in the circuit, which left the two women having brunch and part of a girls day. They normally did it with Lulu, going for a walk, lunch and maybe some shopping just the three of them until the boys returned. One of the things Em got thanks to Charlie being around was more freedom. With Em not working and Dan not in the car on Thursday, there was really no need for the girls to be at the track while the boys worked. One day they decided to turn Thursday morning and afternoon into girls days and it stuck. They sometimes skip it depending on the country, but for a big part of the calendar it was their thing. It didn’t change when Lulu was born, only transformed into a more baby-friendly version of it. With Lulu around it wouldn’t include alcohol, but when it was only Em and Charlie they would always have a glass of rosè.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona normally would put a smile on Em’s face. It was one of the places with more happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was all covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she was finally working with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hiding his face against her chest as he hugged her body, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them to not use clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she was never going to forget her husband waking up from the anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many good memories and she didn’t want anyone ruining that for them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. All the comments and rumors and talks about her husband were haunting her, making it hard for her to stop overthinking, even when she was supposed to be enjoying her day off with her friend.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona would normally put a smile on Em’s face. The place held many happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie, complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she finally worked with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hid his face against her chest as he hugged her tightly, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them not to wear clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she would never forget her husband waking up from anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many happy memories and didn't want anyone ruining them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. Even on her day off with her friend, she found it difficult to stop overthinking due to all the comments, rumors, and discussions about her husband.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked out of the blue, glass in her hand as the sun shined down on her, making her look like something absolutely divine.

“Nothing.” It was typical Em trying to avoid the inevitable conversation, but knowing it was in vain to try at all. It was Charlie after all.

“Baby…”

“Nothing, Char.”

“Kay, right, lie to your bestie.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then tell me what’s in your head. I know you, my dear. Maybe you don’t remember but I have a PhD in psychology. Might be in child psychology, but people’s minds are the same. Plus I know all of your faces and you've got the 'I'm worried' face on right now. I know a lot of things worry you but tell me which one is putting a frown across your face." Oh my God, how much she loved Charlie. The fact that she was right about everything she said made it funny. She was so skilled at reading people that it was difficult to hide something from her. It was especially difficult when they spent hours and days together, but Em tried. She tried to keep it chill and quiet, hiding behind her own wine glass. "Alright, I'll guess. Is it Dan and the noise of the silly season?" Check mate.

“You really know me a bit, don’t you?” Em smiled, taking a sip and breathing deeply before talking about the issue. “Yeah, it’s that. I’m just tired and we’re just in June. And Dan told me I could talk to Bayer and Mekies to get some peace of mind but I don’t want to. One of the reasons I quit was because I was tired of meetings with team principals and CEOs. I don’t fully believe them."

“Nobody can blame you. You have your reasons not to.”

“I know. And even if I did I’d still be worried. People talking about my husband is never easy. I hate people acting like they know him or what's going on. All these years and I still hate it. I feel powerless. Like I get to sit there and watch while it all happens when I should be able to do more." It hurt to confess it, but it also felt like a weight off her shoulders as she said it. It was like a bit of pressure came off her chest, which really helped her feel lighter.

“Em, darling, there’s nothing you can do. You’re already doing everything to help him. Goddamn, many women wouldn’t do half the things you do and wouldn’t help with half of the things you help.”

“I know that, but it's that constant small voice in my head saying I should be doing more. I wanna do more.”

“You’re doing enough, Em. Believe me. You’re flying the world with your baby daughter and raising her on your own most days so your husband can stay focused on his dream job. Damn, I can’t wait for the summer break and it's not even about my wedding. I want it so you can have Dan all day for you and Lu.”

It was the final countdown to their summer vacation and Em couldn’t remember the last time she waited for it as much as that year. Being cozy at home with the family sounded like a dream. It was even better when the excuse was their best friends’ wedding.

“I really can’t wait for you and Blakey to get married, you know? Having time off is nice, but your wedding? That’s gonna be incredible. I’m so happy you’re the one who gets to marry him. I really can’t wait.” Em affirmed, looking at Charlie's happy face. She normally lights up at any mention of her man, but the grin only grew bigger as she talked about the wedding.

“I can’t wait either. I really wanna be my squishy face’ wife. He’s gonna look terrific being my Mr Friend-Clarke.” Charlie proudly blushed, drinking from her glass to justify and hide the pink color on her cheeks.

“He’s really doing it, isn’t he?” Em curiously asked. She knew Blake intended to add Charlie’s last name to his. He couldn’t care less about whether Charlie wanted to change her name or not. He said again and again that it was all up to her. However, when Charlie decided to do it, Blake said he was doing it too. If Charlie was gonna add Friend to her name then he was determined to include Clarke to his.

“Fuck yeah. You know, it was his idea, so I won’t fight him. If he wants to be a Clarke, that's his thing.” Charlie shrugged. Em knew she was pretending it was not a big deal, but it meant everything to her. The fact that her future husband wanted to also carry her family’s name right beside his felt surreal. “But don’t change the subject here. We were talking about you and your man. You guys are alright? I mean, overall and despite all the vroom-vroom craziness.”

“Yes, we’re okay. We're doing really well. Trying to adjust to the new weekends routine. Good thing is all this won't last longer than 2026, so it won't be that terrible. Or at least I hope it won’t be.”

“Its bad that I can’t wait for that?” Charlie breathed as her happy smile faded into a rather sad smirk. 2026 wasn’t coming fast enough for them.

“No, it's not. Me neither actually. I’m not gonna miss not being on a race track almost every weekend."

“How did you do it? I mean, you don’t like it. You don’t enjoy racing. You get nervous every time. You don’t like the mess and fanciness and fake shit that comes with it. I see your face every time you see how the garages are full of people outside and the track is also packed. You’re this little miss introvert sunshine in the middle of a circus full of extrovert people. How have you survived all these years? Like seriously, in how many races have you been?” Charlie wondered, making Em laugh at all the questions at once. She wasn’t surprised coming from her friend, especially not after all that time together.

"I have no idea how many. Less than a hundred I guess? I never counted them.” Em tried to do fast math, but there was no use. As the number of races changed every year, Dan missed the entire season the previous year, and she missed too many, so it was impossible to guess it quickly. “I really don’t know. But to your other question, I did it for Dan. I want him to be happy. He’s happy racing, so here I am.”

“I know but anyway, it's insane, Em.”

“Why did you leave your job and your family to follow Blake for two years around the world, partly living in a country you dislike?" Em replied, leaving Charlie thinking with her mouth slightly open and a frown showing on her face.

“It’s not that I don’t like the UK. Charlie defended herself just like every time someone accused her of not liking Em’s country.

“You don’t have anything against it, but you hate the weather.”

“It’s cold in summer! Summer is supposed to be warm, not cloudy and rainy!” Charlie and Dan sometimes disagree on some stuff. They were like siblings who fought over which M&M color was the best or which song was better, but they loved each other. But they always agreed on the weather. They hated the cold, they didn’t like the rain and they loved sunny skies and warm days. Living in London was like a nightmare for her because of the weather. Em was not surprised to hear the same words her husband normally says, but they came from Charlie’s mouth.

“You kind of sound like my husband, you know? Like a lot like him.”

“Cause we’re from cute sunny Perth, baby. We’re not made for cold European weather.”

“Your man is from Sydney and he doesn’t complain.” Em remarked, finishing what was left in her glass, acting like she said the smartest thing in the universe.

"It's because he's a saint. He’s marrying me, poor thing. He already has a spot in heaven for handling me and my shit. For handling us all. If he can deal with that, then I can deal with the cold weather for him.”

“And flying around. Because you’re scared of planes and there you are traveling around the world, jumping on planes every week." Em pointed out. Everyone around her knew how scared she was of flying. It was as overwhelming as Em's airport anxiety, but Charlie made it time after time. It took time, love, and patience, but she made it as long as Blake held her hand and reminded her everything would work out.

“I just don’t like turbulence and I told you, people are not supposed to be in the air! Same with huge machines. It's not natural." Charlie explained, giving the same answer she gave everyone who asked how she could be terrified of the safest transport system that existed.

“I know that, but my point is, you do it anyway cause you love Blake. You handle cold and rain and planes to be with him and because you want him to be happy. You fly and get cold, I get in noisy, packed places. We do what we have to do.” Em concluded, as Charlie grabbed the bottle of wine and poured what was left between their both glasses. “We are gonna get drunk, Char!”

“We have to finish it! It's to celebrate how fucking ridiculous we are, babe. We both know we wouldn’t have it any other way. We wouldn’t change our boys for the world and I drink to that, so cheers.” Charlie grinned, clicking her glass with Em’s to toast for their happy lives. “Or you know, Enchanté, as your husband says."

"Since you asked, we're talking about boys and relationships. How are you and my brother doing?” Em asked, taking another tiny sip and leaving the glass back on the black table. It would go to her brain sooner rather than later, but it was her one afternoon off, and the wine was really good. Good enough to send a photo to Dan and add it to their 'Wines Emmy likes' collection.

“We’re good. Better than ever really. Stressing a bit about the wedding cause it’s not easy to organize it from the other side of the world, but enjoying engaged life. A lot of engaged sex before it turns into married couples' sex. Just in case it changes and gets bored, y’know? But yeah, we’re okay. Really happy."

"Getting married doesn't change much. At least it didn't for us. And considering it's you? It won’t either. Like, I know I will regret asking this but really Char, how many days a week you…?” There was the wine finally and officially taking over and talking for Em. Her little prudent brain never let her talk about those things just like that, unless there was alcohol in her body.

“You’re trying to ask me how many days a week we have sex? You better keep drinking, sister.” Charlie smirked, knowing she finally got to the point she wanted to have ridiculous conversations. “And depends? Almost every day?”

"Oh, come on! That's insane."

“You shut up! B told me how you and Dan were basically like horny dogs for years, so don't come here judging, little missy." Check mate. Em hated to admit it, but Charlie was kind of right. Right enough to make Em blush.

“But not every day!” Em tried to defend herself, but her red cheeks and the silly smile gave her away too fast. Besides, Charlie knew when she was lying so it was in vain. “Maybe at the beginning when he came home and I didn’t see him every day but if we spent time together we didn’t have sex every day.”

“Okay but how many days? Spill it, sister.” That damn question.

“Charlie!” Em exclaimed, looking to the tables around them. Luckily, they were too far and too involved in their conversation to listen to what they said. “I don’t know. Four? Five on vacation? But normally, three? Depending on the week."

“Sounds logical. But I don’t care, really. I won’t lie and say it's too much for me because it's more than alright. If B doesn't complain we’re good. As long as he lets me sit on his di-“

“Char! There are people around!” Em interrupted, laughing like a small kid who was almost discovered doing something bad. The fact that she stopped Charlie from saying something worse let her know she wasn’t that terrible. Maybe. “If Dan was here he would say his dick is gonna fall one of these days.”

"Oh boy wine is finally hitting her!” Charlie laughed, not really believing the word ‘dick’ came from her best friend’s mouth, at least not in such a way. “But yeah, nah, it won’t. I know how to take care of my pretty boy. He is really looked after, so don’t worry about it. I take care of him so damn well that one day soon there might be two babies flying around the world with us."

Emma could see the exact moment Charlie shifted. She could see how she wasn’t supposed to open her mouth to say such a thing, but trust and wine together were bad advisors and they betrayed her. Em could only think of how her face reflected Charlie’s. A surprised expression on her face as she processed the words.

“Oh boy… Char are you…?”

“No.”

“But you’re trying, aren’t you?”

Charlie answered in a second. Em could see how she was trying to decide if she should say the truth or lie, but there was no use lying about it. “A bit. Maybe a lot. Like a lot.”

“I need a coffee. We need coffee. We can’t have this conversation like this, seriously." Em breathed, taking what was left of her wine and calling the waitress to order two coffees and water for them. It felt like suddenly more than one thing about her friends’ behavior made sense. Suddenly too many of the things they did had more logic about them. “Goddamn, that's why you stopped smoking at all.”

"How do you know that? Only Blake knows I stopped for good and he told me it was our secret.”

“Someone asked for a lighter the other day and you didn’t have one with you. You always have it. Always. Even if it’s to burn a building. Or a body. Or evidence.”

“I was planning to stop anyway. It's terrible for you guys and B hates it too cause it's bad for me.” Charlie tried to justify as they smiled and thanked the waitress for bringing their order.

Before Em could answer, she first drank water. Straight after she poured sugar on it and took a sip of her coffee. She needed to try, even though it wouldn't take effect fast enough. “We all hate it because it's terrible for you, Charlotte. And it went from one every once in a while to too many a week."

Em knew Charlie’s smoking history. She knew how it started in her university days, mainly recreationally, as she had drinks with her friends and classmates. As time passed, she got caught up in it, using it as a way to cope with stress from exams. She promised to quit after getting her PhD, and she did it. Charlie would only get one in a year, maybe two and only when she was really drunk. But the 'only while drunk' clause was omitted from the equation. Between planes, airports, hotel rooms, cameras, photographers, and strangers knowing who her boyfriend was, her anxiety only grew. When it happened and Charlie felt anxiety reached her peak of the day, she would sneak away from them and try to put it away with some nicotine. She would never smoke around them, so it would be a fifteen minutes break to return with her face and teeth washed and clean clothes. But as it happened more and more often to the point Em was thinking about making an intervention, one day it completely stopped. Now it made sense why she did it.

“We have a stressful life, Em." Charlie tried to justify, but there was no point in discussing that at the moment.

“Don’t change the subject."

“We’re trying. We started less than a month ago. We talked too much about it and we really really thought about it. We had a plan and were waiting, but with my family history of fertility issues? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t wanna risk it. I won't risk our chances. I can't wait, Em. I'm afraid of waiting too long and then finding out it won't happen, y'know?. I’m older than my mom was when she had Cal and I just- We always knew we wanted this at some point so we’re trying for it. I know it's terrible timing with the season and all that but-"

“Charlie, no." Em interrupted her friend, grabbing her hand from over the table to stop her from rambling. "Love, don’t do that. It's not bad timing. It is not. It could never be. Lulu having a travel buddy sounds wonderful."

If there was something that Em admired about Charlie, it was the way she always looked like she could own the world. It was effortless somehow. There was something about the way she carried herself. Em knew Charlie carried her heart on her sleeve and was the sweetest, most loving, protective, honest woman in the world. However, there was something about her that said she could take over the world if she wanted to. Em always joked that Charlie and Blake could take over the world if they wanted to do it, but they would rather snuggle on the couch. But just like Charlie was the most badass woman Em ever met, her friend also was one of the most sensible people she ever knew. That afternoon was not the exception and Charlie could see how her friend's face completely shifted. There was absolute relief on her face as she heard those words, her brown eyes shining even more.

“Really?” Charlie asked, and the happiness in her eyes slowly reached her smile, giving Em a tiny smirk.

“Yeah it does. It really does. Those babies will be so lucky to have you and Blake, Char." Em smiled, squeezing her friend's hand as the shock hit Charlie. "What? Don't look at me like that. I know you'd like more than one. I'm not silly. I saw you and Blake looking at the kids and whispering numbers. I kind of live with you, remember?"

"Is that obvious?" Charlie blushed, taking a sip of her water as she realized her friend had caught them.

“Not for anyone, but me and Dan its obvious. But I can totally see you with a bunch of tiny brunette babies running around the house. If someone has the patience for something like that, that's your husband."

“I know. Nobody has as much patience as that man. But maybe it's just one baby? I’d love to have a couple but I'd be happy with one.”

"One, three, seven, whatever. They’re really gonna be the luckiest kids in the world." Em had no idea if someone was ever really prepared to be a parent, but if someone was close enough, that was Blake and Charlie. After a bunch of nieces and nephews from Charlie's side and after spending the last months helping raise Lulu like she was their own, Em knew they were more than ready for it.

“You think?”

“I know it. Just like my Lulu is lucky to have you as godparents”

"We're lucky to be her godparents. You know I love all my nieces and nephews with all my heart and I don’t have a favorite but damn it, little baby Lu really is something else. That girl is a shining little star. There’s no way you don't smile when you see her with those big eyes and crazy curls. Like you really made an excellent one.” Charlie smiled proudly as she talked about her youngest goddaughter.

“That toothless smile is really something else, isn’t it?" Em grinned, still not believing how incredible her baby girl was. Charlie was right. Lulu was a bright little star who would put a smile on anyone's face. She was sweet, smart, funny, and gorgeous, the light of her parents life and the reason for everything they did. "But hey, soon enough we'll be covered in diapers and running around with two tiny ones. Just wait and see."

“You think our kids will be besties?”

“What's that question? Of course they will be best friends. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Charlie exclaimed excitedly, making Em laugh at her. "Maybe they get married and all!"

“Oh so you really don’t wanna get rid of me, uh? That’s why you want our babies to marry? So we’re family forever?” Em joked, but there was nothing that made her happier than thinking about spending the rest of her life like that, sharing lunches with Charlie and then returning back to their boys and babies.

“Exactly! Us? That's forever, baby.”

The most enjoyable thing about spending time with Charlie was how she always brought a smile to Em’s face. They were always able to make each other smile. A glass of wine and a long walk while shopping mostly for Lulu, Em could almost forget about her worries. She couldn't completely forget about them, but as Charlie dragged her to a fancy shop to buy some new lingerie, Em could at least put them to the side for a while.

Having a double dinner date was probably another thing they needed. More than once Steve switched from Dan’s trainer to Lulu’s babysitter, offering himself to look after her for a couple hours or even the night so the rest could have a night out without a baby car right by the table. Normally they would say no and it would be the six of them having dinner together, but on some weird occasion Steve would basically kick them out. Every hour, everyone in their group chat would receive a photo of Lulu, attached to a text that said something about their own date running perfectly. He always made sure Em and Dan didn’t worry about their daughter and they were thankful for it. That night they didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving Steve to the side because he was on his own FaceTime date with his girlfriend Sophie, so it was all good.

Just like Canada was wonderful, Barcelona was a disaster. The car was supposed to be faster with the new parts, but Em had to see her husband qualify P18 because the team decided to sacrifice their quali to test the ungraded parts. The last thing they needed was that. The last thing Dan needed was that, especially in front of his family.

It had been a while since Em wanted to cry after a race, but that day she had to fight the tears. Knowing the kids were in the hospitality, Em took a deep breath and pretended everything was alright. It hurt her to see her husband fighting for something that some days seemed impossible no matter how hard he tried.

That terrible race was the reason why they didn’t say yes when Grace and Joe offered to take Lulu for the night after the race. Depending on the race and how tired Dan was, Blake and Charlie would look after Lulu for the night, giving the parents some time off to sleep without worrying or waking up in the middle of the night. But that night they couldn’t do it. Dan was tired, but he needed his girls. Em knew he needed both his girls, so after a family dinner they headed back to their room for some cuddles.

“You think she'll be proud of me one day? Even with the not so good years?” Dan asked in the dark, his head resting against Em's chest as she kissed his forehead while Dan did the same on her chest.

Even then, his focus was on Lulu. Their daughter slept in her crib right by their bed, never out of reach. They both slept better knowing Lu was there, especially in case a bad dream hit one of them and they needed to hold her tiny chubby hand.

“I know she will. As soon as she is old enough to understand, she will be so proud of her dad. Not only for everything you have accomplished but for how amazing you are. Just like I am proud of you, not only for going fast but for being the best dad and husband in the world.”

It melted her heart when Dan looked up at her as she said those words. It made her feel butterflies in her stomach, the same ones that appeared the night she met Dan. It was the same ones that never went away. They only grew stronger as time passed, especially when Dan kissed her as he did that night. “You’re the best mama and wife in the world. Absolutely the greatest.”

“I try my best cause my loves deserve it.” Em whispered against his lips, enjoying the feeling of her husband right there by her side. Her whole universe was in that room and she couldn’t ask for anything more. “I love you. I don’t care where you end up in the race, alright?”

“I love you too. So so much, Wrinkles. You have no idea how much. Six Barcelona races later and I wouldn’t change us for the world.” Between more lazy, soft, silent kisses to not bother their daughter, Em couldn’t help but smile again. Dan still made her blush, not really believing her luck in life when he said those things.

"How is it already six?" she wondered, still amazed. It felt like an eternity and three lifetimes passed since they met at Blake’s. But at the same time it felt like it was yesterday. Six years of the highest highs and lowest lows. Six years of the happiest and saddest days of her life. Six years and she would do it all again if it meant she ended up being Lulu’s mum and Dan’s wife.

“Dunno, but I love it. Best six years of my life."

“Don’t lie to me” she joked, biting casually his lower lip.

“Best six years of my life. And best six months of my life thanks to our baby moon.”

Leaving Barcelona to go to Austria wasn’t her favorite thing to do. She has nothing against that place, but she loved Barcelona way too much, so if she had to choose, she'd stay in the Spanish city.

Before they headed to the track, they decided to spend some days in Vienna to visit and show Charlie and Steve around. Em's favorite thing was also on the agenda. It was her annual tradition to go to the Belvedere museum to see some paintings, but mostly Klimt's The Kiss. She had it tattooed on her thigh, Dan loved to kiss it and say it looked a lot like them, but they also loved to go to the museum and see it. From the first time Dan made it happen and took Em there in 2019 it was their tradition to do it. They would stand there, Dan standing right behind her with his arms around her waist as Em rested her back against his chest. Sometimes they stayed silent, sometimes Dan whispered sweet words into her ear. But nothing ever compared to the feeling of being there with their best friend and especially with their daughter. Em walked with one hand holding Dan's and another holding her daughter's tiny foot. Like always, Lulu was strapped in her carrier against Em's chest, looking at everything around her.

"See that one, Lu? That's mama's favorite painting ever. I come here every year to see it cause it makes me happy. Your poor dada always comes with me, but now we can do it together to not drag him." Em whispered, kissing her baby's head making Lulu give her the best gummy grin.

"I love coming with you, so now it's the three of us." Dan answered, kissing both his girls. "There's nowhere I rather be than here with you."

Having walked around the city, shopped, and visited places for two days, it was finally time to leave for Spielberg for her husband's 250 race.

Em was never as skilled at maths as she appeared, but, in this case, maths was simple. Two hundred and fifty races were about four years and a half of racing. Two hundred and fifty Sundays when her husband got into a car and raced his heart out. He was almost in the top ten of F1 racing drivers with the most Grand Prix starts, and she couldn’t be prouder. Em was always proud of her boy, constantly reminding him how she loved him for who he was and not for his job, but she was tremendously proud of him. Dan always said the things he did weren’t sacrifices but choices, but Em knew half of it was true. Not being able to spend more time with his family and friends was both a choice and a sacrifice to do what he loved. Not being able to give his wife and daughter more of his time, not having the opportunity to take Em on more dates, letting her do most of the parenting was nothing and not being a full-time dad for Lulu every single day was on the top of his list of things he would wish to change. It was at the top of his list of things he wanted to change the second he retired. In the meantime, she kept kissing his cheeks, smiling at him and whispering how much she loved him and how he had a job to do.

But what surprised her the most was when Blake told her Dan’s 250th race was also her 100th race. When Charlie asked at lunch, Em still didn't have the courage to check. She still didn’t have the heart to count. Like she told Charlie, searching for a list and doing the maths would mean she had to look at the races she missed back in those terrible orange days and she didn’t intend to. She didn’t have the heart to do it. Her list of things to do grew, and she did not get upset about it. Most days she didn't let herself think about that and how tired she was. Her job was to look after her babies. Thinking about her tiredness would lead her to think about how much she wished to get home and it was impossible. It would lead to spiralling about her leaving a big part of her job, being a full-time mum, missing home, longing to be with their family, and a hundred things more. The saddest part was it made Em think how she knew Dan wanted another baby but they couldn't. Lulu was too young, Em didn’t plan to get pregnant again until their daughter was at least two years old, and she didn’t want to deal with a pregnancy and a toddler. She couldn’t deal with it if Dan was racing. She wanted to be home to do that, and Dan agreed, but she knew he wanted more babies. They didn’t want Lulu to be an only child like Em was. They wanted at least one more baby, but she could do another fifty races and celebrate her husband’s 300th with two kids on the road.

Em couldn't and didn't want to let her brain overthink all that. She wanted to celebrate her husband and all his races and the ones she had been by his side. She wanted to celebrate that and then his birthday and the fact that it was his first birthday with Lulu by their side. All Em's worries could wait for another week or two. If extra therapy sessions were necessary, she would have them for her family.

At the end, it was a miracle that she didn’t need it, but maybe it was the joy of seeing her husband smiling in his special helmet. She remembered the day Dan had the idea to do it like his helmet from his kart days, and she loved it. She remembered the excitement on his face as they lay in bed and Dan asked if it would be an good idea. There was a big difference from that night months ago to the day it became a reality. She saw the helmet when Dan brought it home, but there was a huge difference from when she saw it at the race in the Red Bull ring. Em looked at Dan taking it off its bag and for some reason, tears fell down her face. From that little boy who only wanted to go fast in his kart to the wonderful man he became, he had come so far in life. She was so proud of him. She was the luckiest girl to be there for six years of his career. She was the luckiest woman to be there for hundreds of those races.

“I thought we said no tears” Dan smiled, closing the gap between them in his room. As soon as they were one in front of the other, Dan reached her face, cleaning the tears with his fingers.

"I know, but they're really good ones. I’m so proud of you. All you did and you keep doing? God, I’m seriously so proud of you, baby."

“Y'know what's my favorite part about it? That you and Lu are here to see it. It's been crazy, but having you here makes it better and easier. Having our potato here?" Dan asked, pointing to their daughter with his head as she took her morning nap in her seat before the craziness and the noise started. "It really feels like a dream.”

“We have a little saint for a daughter." Em smiled, wrapping her arms around her husband and resting her head against his chest. She knew they didn't have much time, but she would enjoy every second of it.

“Just like her gorgeous mama. And thank goodness she's nothing like her papa.”

“Only on looks."

"That's why she’s precious."

“Then it sounds like she's exactly like her dad.” Em affirmed, kissing his chest before looking at her husband's face. “Thank you for letting me be by your side for a hundred races. It has been my pleasure, baby. No matter what form we were in, it's been awesome.”

“99 of those races should've been as you as my girl.” Dan admitted, kissing Em's nose before tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know what you'll say. You were my girl. You've always been my girl, but you were not my girlfriend. That's my one regret."

"It's your 250th race, there’s no time for regrets." she reminded him, moving one of her hands from his waist to his face, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

“There's no time for regrets, but there’s time for one more big hug from my lady wife." Even when they were still holding each other, Dan hugged Em as tightly as possible. For some reason it felt so peaceful that it didn't feel like they were on the track. It felt like they were home, except for the detail of her husband wearing the team's clothes. “Thank you” he whispered against her hair, breaking the silence in the room.

“For what?”

“For Lu. For existing. For being here. And for handling my daily shit. I think I don’t thank you enough for it.” He did. Heaven knew he did. Em was well aware of it and it was never an issue. Dan was always in awe of his wife and all she did for their family. But she also knew that after what happened with them and not talking about their feelings for years, Dan needed to remind her how he felt about them.

"You know how you can thank me?" Em asked, moving her face from his chest to his neck, kissing it a couple times and then his jaw. "Don't cut your curls during the summer break." Em liked the mustache and she was more than used to it, but if she had to pick she always rather the full bear. There was counted things Em loved as much as running her fingers through it. If she could get it back, she would be happy even if it was temporary.

"Emmy!" Dan exclaimed, forcing Em to cover his mouth for a moment with her hand.

"Shhh, you'll wake Lu up." Em whispered as Dan kissed her palm again and again. "I'm just saying. That and a full beard. That's how you make your wife happy. The whole daddy looks suits you."

"Fine. Anything else?" Dan asked as he took Em's hand off his face and held it against his heart.

"One of those new helmets for my collection."

"You know one is always for you. Anything else?"

Em said no with her head, then got in her tiptoes to kiss her husband's lips to close the deal. One. Two. Three kisses. That was the lucky number. She hated to let it go, but it made her heart warm even more as she looked at her husband kissing their daughter’s forehead carefully to not wake her up. A simple “I love you and see you later, yeah baby girl? Be good with mama while papa’s working, potato” was all Dan whispered while Em couldn’t stop thinking she had done something right in life to get them. No matter how crazy or difficult things were, no matter where they ended up working or living, if Em had her little family things were going to be okay.

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prettyoatmeal · 8 months ago

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TF141 with an Australian reader

No warnings! GN Reader A/N: Hi again! Masterlist here!

***************

Just a thought I stole from someone (I’m so sorry, I can’t remember your username but I did comment on your post) but I’ve been thinking of 141 x a true blue Australian reader. And she's just a massive yapper.

A heavy, bogan accent from the coast of Queensland or New South Wales having the Brits confused on what their sweet partner is saying.

“Yeah, me and the mate Davo were out getting a few cans and pies from the servo and all of a sudden the magpies started swoopin’ at us. Like, bloody hell, it’s barely the beginning of September!

Anyway, so Davo, the farken legend he is, picks up this massive fuck off stick to from the ground and he’s asking me if it’ll scare em off. I tell him ‘yeah, I reckon’ and he starts waving it around like a madman!

I’m thinking like rock on! blah blah blah crikey! blah blah gnarly! blah blah blah blah.”

I can imagine it’s their first time hearing Australian lingo. They’re asking questions like whats a servo? What does ‘fuck off’ mean as an adjective? What’s a magpie? And who the HELL is Davo?

It does not get better once they meet the family.

Half your nieces and nephews are drinking from the hose, your siblings are trying to pull them away while your parents are laughing at their grand children. Kids will be kids, they say.

The other half are playing cricket (and totally cheating). Or at least they were until one of them pegged the ball at the other's face and it was deemed too dangerous. The set's then put away.

They try get to know your family but sometimes their accent becomes a little unintelligible for their posh brains. They're telling stories of when you were a kid and he starts getting listener's fatigue from the range of words and pronunciations that they just don't understand.

And they definitely get their fair share of 'why are you british?' questions. To which they don't have an answer for.

*************** DISCLAIMER Under no circumstances do I give permission to copy, repost, or manipulate my work in any way. I am not comfortable with this. If you wish to translate my work, message me privately. My inbox is always open.

#TF141 x Reader #mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley headcanons #soap x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #Soap headcanons #Gaz x Reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #john price x reader #price x reader #mw2 headcanons

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b4tteryaciid · 2 months ago

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(im so sick I'm in so much pain I think I'm going to pass away in my sleep. This isn't related to the last post I made about Ghost's glasses I'm just putting the dates as the days I wright them because I'm lazy. Yes I am projecting onto Ghost because I feel like it. No you cannot stop me) Holy fuck why is this so long I did not intend for this to be so long I got Hella carried away my bad yall.

A03 :3

Warnings!! Graphic (you could argue) descriptions of throwing up. (Also mention of child abuse and sexual assault/ rape) Ghost is not having a good time here folks

Roughly ~ 6K words

Monday, January 27, 20XX, 9:00 AM

Everyone was seated around a small laptop displaying laswell's face front and center. They'd all piled into the briefing room to go over their last mission and argue over who was going to have to do the paperwork. They all denied that was why they were there, but that's what always ended up happening. Everyone was there except Ghost. Price was staring to get impatient, and calling him offered no results. They'd all been waiting about 20 minutes. Ghost wasn't usually late, he was a stickler for punctuality, even more than price sometimes, and would chew out whoever had the misfortune of being late. Usually it was Soap but sometimes Gaz would be late aswell. It didn't matter if they were even a minute late, Ghost was unhappy. 'A lot can happen in a minute Sargent, you could get shot and bleed out in a ditch,' he always had some comeback about what can happen in a minute and yadda yadda whatever. Price was becoming antsy and was loudly drumming his fingers on the desk, occasionally checking his watch before slamming his palm back down.

"He's gonna be cleaning the guns with his toothbrush after this." Price grumbled. They all knew it was an empty threat.

"A'll go look for em' Cap" Soap supplied helpfully. In all actuality he didn't want to be the one to do paperwork and didn't want to be in the meeting room any more than humanly possible. He was itching to get out of the stuffy, weird smelling room and if he had to fetch his Lieutenant to do so he was more than willing. Price shot him a look that he couldn't decipher before he sighed and dramatically ran his hands down his face.

"Yeah sure go ahead, we're gonna have to start this without him, what's one less?" He mused sarcastically, but gestured towards the door anyway. Soap gave a half-assed saulte and barreled out of the room, deeply breathing in air that didn't smell like the back of your nan's linen closet. He took his sweet time making his way over to Ghosts room. He had a larger room and one all to himself sence he was task force 141 and a Lieutenant, they all had their own rooms but from the glimpses Soap had gotten inside it, it seemed to be at least slightly more spacious than his. Once he finally made it to the door he knocked. "C'mon Ghost up an' at'em we've got shite ta do" he called through the door. When he didn't get a response he waited a beat before knocking again, "Ghost? Ar ye in there?" He paused again before he turned the doorknob finding it unlocked. Weird.

"Ahm comin' in!" He called pushing the door open and letting light spill into the dark space. The sight he was greeted with wasn't what he expected. His Lieutenant, who happened to be built like a brick shithouse, was curled up under a blanket on the floor that barely did anything to cover him, and was shaking like a scared chiwawa. "Ghost..?" No responce. "Are ye alright?" He stepped deeper into the room and flicked the light on, shutting the door with a click. The man looked up at him with squinted eyes and a pained expression. He wasn't wearing his usual mask so Soap could easily see his grease paint was smeared and had ran down his face in what looked like tear streaks. He sniffled loudly and attempted to push himself up with a violent shiver and a groan. Soap quickly rushed to his side, worried. He'd never seen him like this before. He'd never seen him in pain except for after he'd gotten injured on the field, and even then he'd just grunt and bear it. Soap slowly reached out to cup Ghosts cheek with his palm and quickly pulled away at the heat. He was burning up. He softly placed the back of his hand to Ghosts forehead without any protests, which was also unusual. Yep he was sick. No doubt about it. He was boiling and shivering at the same time, covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Ghost sniffled and leaned into Soaps cool hands, pinching his eyes shut as a tear escaped from them. His eyes were on fire and the light Soap had flicked on hadn't helped either. He sighed lowly as Soap moved his cold hands around his face, settling them onto his cheeks. Another violent shiver raked through his entire body, making his teeth clack. He ground his teeth together to try and stop it but it didn't help, his jaw still quivered and it only made his mouth hurt.

"Hush s' okay let's get ye into bed yea? A'll get somethin' for yer heid okay?" He reached out towards Ghost's arms and Ghost clutched onto him without protest. Letting himself be practically dragged across the room and into bed. Soap pulled the blanket from the floor to drape on top of him. "A'll be right back yea?" He turned to leave before his wrist was caught in a weak grip. He turned to look down at his sad sack of a Lieutenant. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy squinting up at him, pleading. He looked horrible. Soap gave him a sympathetic look and cradled the shaking man's burning face. "A'll be right back okay? Promise. I'm gonnae get ye somethin' tah make ye feel betta an' get tha' fever doon yea?" Ghost blinked up at him and slowly retracted his hand. He shifted his gaze to the ceiling and pointed at it weakly. "Wha?" Soap questioned following his gaze. He looked back down at Ghost who was squinting at him expectantly. "Uhh- tha light?" He guessed and Ghost sniffled loudly with an almost inperseptable nod. "Aye, A'll turn this lamp on instead yea?" Ghost blinked at him again, holding his eyes closed for a slight second in confirmation. He carefully turned the desk lamp beside Ghost's bed on before angling it down so it wouldn't shine in his eyes, he scurryed out of the room and shut the overhead light off as he left.

Ghost laid in bed, in a smoking puddle of misery as he watched Johnny leave the room in a haste. The second the door was closed he burrowed down under the blankets and allowed his body to be overcome with the shivers he'd been biting back. He'd had a horrible scratching in his throat for the agonizingly long time Soap had been in the room with him. It had realistically only been around 3 or so minutes, but when you're holding back a dam of blistering water, 3 minutes feels like years. He let the coughs he'd been holding in escape his body and tear through him. Scraping his sensitive throat and ripping their way through his lungs and esophagus. He coughed until tears were streaming down his face and he was lightheaded. He swallowed roughly and it felt like he'd swallowed a mix of hot sand and acid. His mouth felt like hot, sticky, cotton. He squeezed his eyes shut as fire licked his corneas. The tears leaked out again, only seeming to spread the fire through his brain. He curled up into himself even more and begged for it to stop. The sweltering burning slowly subsided into a dull sting. Even without the fire it was still unpleasant. It was as if people were pressing thick marbles into his eye sockets with their thumbs, trying to replace his eyes with different ones without removing his eyes beforehand, just squishing the marbles in with them, forcing space. A whole construction team jackhammered his skull to a fine paste while the worst grade school band in all of human history played the song of their people in his cranium, shaking his brain around violently and turning it to slop. His bone marrow had either turned to ice or hot lava, it was impossible to tell. He was so cold, shaking like he was buried unter layers of ice and snow but was sweating out all the liquid in his body simultaneously. His flesh felt like it was sizzling off under the blanket but without it he was plunged back into the icy cold depth again. All of his joints were stiff and held together with concrete. His stomach felt like it was canabalising itself from the inside out. It reminded him of when he'd gotten stabbed in the gut on an op a couple years ago. The knife had hit his appendix and ripped a hole in it. The attacker had some sort of serated toothed knife that definitely wasn't legal. It had popped it right open and the Doctors weren't able to salvage it, opting to remove it entirely. He still had a gnarly, ugly scar from it even years later. This felt like it all over again but spread out deep into his gut. Something was inside and desperately trying to claw it's way out like a caged animal.

Bile caressed his throat fighting to come back up and his mouth filled with spit. He desperately tried to swallow the saliva back but he could feel it seeping out from under his tounge and filling his mouth with a hot and sticky sensation. And not the good kind mind you. He dragged himself out of bed as fast as his poor body would take him. Dragging his exhausted limbs against their will as they screamed at him to stop. He was going to vomit. As much as he tried desperately to swallow it back down it only come back more aggressively. Cut off one head and it grows too more. After centuries of manhandling his body and practically pulling it across the floor he hit the cold bathroom tile with a meaty slap as shockwaves rocked through him up from his knees. The dam broke and he retched for what felt like hours. His throat bloody and raw. He could taste blood and the heat from where his food had just been moments prior. The thought made him gag and spew even more. His was breathless and shaking in agony but his body wasn't done. He was going to die wasn't he? Sitting infrount of the toilet like an idiot. If Johnny ever came back he would see him expired infrount of his own vomit filled toilet. What a sight for sore eyes that would be. He didn't have anything more to throw up so he was now dry heaving over the bowl. He stared at the disgusting amalgamation infrount of him through a blurry vision as he gasped for air. He managed to reach up and flush away the evidence with great hastle. The smell that had infected his brain slowly seeped away leaving only him by himself to cool down and regain his breath again. He slumped down and leaned his heated head against the cool porcelain.

He was racked with humiliating sobs that's shook him to the bone and made him shiver again. He was pathetic. A grown ass man crying on the floor. He was a soldier for fucks sake. He'd stitched up real injuries before by himself with no anesthetics and old fishing line and he was fine. Now some lowsy cold was gonna take him out? The Ghost? The man who had seen death and laughed? Got off scott free even though he deserved absolutely nothing? When Johnny had come in he had seen him looking like a baby on the floor. Maskless and miserable. He'd seen his face before but this was different. He hadn't even been able to speak to the man when he helped him into bed. He was humiliated. For anyone to see him that way, and it being his Sargent? His subordinate? 'Okay. Hold on.' He thought. He was arguing with nobody but his own thoughts and he couldn't care. That's was his Sargent. His Johnny. If anybody had to see him like that he was glad it would be Johnny. To see the worry and fright lace the man's face and contort it, eyes shimering with fear had broken him. He never wanted to be the reason Johnny looked like that. He didn't want to hurt Johnny. Ever. But he didn't want him there. He was a grown man and it was pathetic for him to be acting this way. He kicked himself for it. Johnny had killed men with his bare hands. Those hands made and handled deadly explosives not his frail, shaking, sobbing, pathetic Lieutenant.

His pity-party was cut short by a loud slam and an all too familiar Scottish voice. "Ahm back! Sorry ah took so long, Price 'ad ta ken where ya were- Ghost?" He cut himself off with a worried yell. He heard the man dump some things onto his bed and his rapidly approaching footsteps. "Oh... Ghost..." He whispered, approaching the sobbing, shaking man on the ground like a scared animal. "C'mon get up-" he reached down towards Ghost and hooked his arms around his waist trying to pull him up with a grunt. "- A'll draw ye a bath." Ghost tried to push himself up to sit on the toilet seat Soap had closed but it didnt work so well. He shifted slightly to look at Soap with an eyebrow raised and a questioning hum. Soap quickly slipped out of the bathroom and wrapped a fuzzy yellow blanket around Ghost, who was still shaking. This earned Soap another questioning look. He turned to bend down and plug the bath before turning the water on and standing back up. " Ma mam always had us take a bath when we weren't well." He moved over to the sink and grabbed the ratty white hand towel off the holder and ran it under the tap for a second before ringing It out and sidestepping infrount of Ghost again. "Close yer eyes." He said before turning the bathroom light on and wiping at Ghosts face and neck with the towel. "Tha blanket s'mine" he clarified. He rubbed at Ghosts hairline, running his fingers through his ratty matted blonde hair softly. He set the towel on the counter and Ghost peeled his eyes open to watch him test the water with his hand before shutting it off. "Clothes ooff" he said nonchalantly.

Huh?

Soap must've seen his confusion because he flushed and turned away, rubbing at his nape awarkwardly. "Ah- s' jus tha' ya smell like blood and are still wearin' yer clothes from last mission." He clarified, waving dismissively. "Take me out ta dinner first" Ghost's voice was horribly raspy. He sounded like he chainsmoked at least a pack of fags a day. Ghost paused as he brought his hands up to his face and inhaled sharply. Soap looked up just intime to meet Ghosts eyes before he let out the worst ground shakingly loud sneeze he'd ever heard. "Bless ye'-" Soap started before being cut off by Ghost's coughing. Soap quickly moved over to rub his back and whisper things to him he couldn't hear. He was lazily swatted at by Ghost but it didn't do much. After the coughing was over he dropped his head onto Soaps shoulder for a moment. They both stayed like that for a few minutes while Ghost breathed slow and deep to regain his breath. Soap had brought his arms up to wrap around him and cradle him close. "S' okay LT, yer okay" he soothed rubbing circles into his back. After Ghost had gotten enough strength he stood up on shaky legs like a newborn deer and slowly stripped. With his light hum of approval Soap helped get his shirt and pants off, leaving him only in his boxers. "Ye can leave those on if ye like" Soap rubbed at his neck again awkwardly. Must have been a nervous habit he had that Ghost never noticed before now. Ghost was too out of it to really care so he slowly pulled them off anyways and kicked out of them, nearly falling over in the process. Johnny had caught him around the waist and they stood again for a moment. Ghost's vision was swimming and he was sure he was going to pass out. He sighed and slowly moved towards to tub with Johnny's help. He felt like an invalid, incapable if doing anything for himself and he would probably regret this when he was in his right mind again. But for now he liked being cared for so intimately. He and Johnny didn't have anything going on, atleast psychically. They flirted over comms daily and shared glanes that lingered too long for just friends, but now Ghost was buck ass naked in his bathroom with his Sargent helping him into a bath.

"A'right, intah tha drink ya go" his smile was audible as he helped lower Ghost into the warm bath water. The water felt like liquid gold on his distressed skin. For a moment he forgot all about his state and basked in the warmth. His eyes had closed with a sigh as he had sunk down lower into the water. He heard the tap come on again as Johnny did something nearby. Footsteps again before a voice "Puttin' this on yer heid, doon't panic" his voice was soft as he placed a cool wet towel over his eyes and forehead. It felt like heaven compaired to the agony of earlier. Johnny lightly pressed the cool towel into his eyes and forehead before running his hands through Ghosts hair. "A'll be right back, ave got somethin' for yer fever" he spoke out into the open air before his footsteps receded.

The bath water felt amazing, but Ghost couldn't help the sence of dread that creeped up on him. How pathetic was he? His Sargent caring for him like he was an invalid. Like he was incapable of caring for himself. He'd been shot and had worse injuries than this. He'd been tortured for God knows how long and buried alive for Christ's sake! His body mutilated and abused and a simple cold was rocking his shit? He didn't climb out of his own fucking grave to be killed by some stupid illness. Simon "Ghost" Riley. Cause of death : Common Cold. Pathetic. To have his Sargent come check on him and see that sorry sight? He rather he did die. To be so vulnerable? He was shaking on the ground like a scared animal. His full face completely visible while he cried and whined on the ground in pain. Worthless. If his father had caught him like that he would've beaten the cold right out of him. Now he was sitting completely naked in the bath his Sargent had drawn for him. Was he fucking useless? Needing his subordinate to care for him? Had he no shame? He felt exposed and vulnerable. Johnny could slit his throat and end him right there. Could waterboard him with the rag already on his face. Slam his head against the wall. Suffocate him. Drown him. Touch him. Violate him. Use him like Roba did. He couldn't see, didn't know what was going on. Anything could happen to him and he would be none the wiser. Johnny wouldn't do that though. He trusted Johnny with his life. To watch his six, to have his back. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. Disgusted that he could even think Johnny capable of hurting him. He wouldnt. Not like that.

He felt a touch on his shoulder and lashed out. Swivling in the bath and sloshing the water. He ripped the rag off his face and reached out, snatching the arm of his attacker and throwing them off balance, making them list forwards with a yelp. Johnny. It was just Johnny. His shocked bright blue eyes shedding shockwaves of shame through his body. He reached out quickly to steady the man. He looked horrified. "Ahm so sorry Si!" He quickly backed away from the man in the tub, dropping whatever he was holding and holding his arms up in surrender. "Aits jus' me" he soothed, trying to look as harmless as possible. "Sorry" Ghost rasped. "Ah should've warned ye'" Soap mumbled before slowly picking up what he dropped, making sure Ghost could see what he was doing. Ghost felt like Soap was treating him like a wild animal, no sudden movements or sounds, lest he scare him off. Ghost huffed and crossed his arms as he watched the Scott retrieve what he dropped.

Soap shuffled closer and sat on the floor next to the tub before lining up his spoils on the closed toilet seat. A bottle of water, a juice box (what was he? Five?), a pack of saltiene crackers, a bottle of pills, and another box of pills. "Quite the haul" Ghost croaked before devolving into a coughing fit. He coughed his throat raw and it stung to breathe. Tears sprung to his eyes as he desperately tried to stop. After an agonizingly long minute he stopped. He glanced over at Soap as he cracked the seal on the water and handed it to him. "Drink" he instructed as he shoved the water into Ghosts shaking hands. He chugged over half the bottle in one go before handing it back to Soap. "Okay-" Soap sighed, hitting his knees as he stood up and ambled over to the sink "- Ye smell and it'll make ye feel betta' tah be clean." He carefully grabbed Ghosts toothbrush out of the cup it was in and placed it on the counter, taking the cup with him. "This s' a smidge awkward, but, will ye let me wash ye?" A deep flush spread over Soaps face as he looked away, rubbing his nape nervously. "Ye can say no! S' fine!" He reassured, speaking too quickly and loudly. Ghost winced at the sound and thought for a moment. He trusted Johnny didn't he? He would never intentionally harm him would he? He just wanted to help. He opened his eyes and gave a slight slow nod. Johnny gave him a caring smile and scooted towards the edge of the bath, hitting his knees against it as he settled. Before pausing and making eye contact with Ghost. "Ye get uncomfortable an ye tell me okay?" His voice was stern but laced with concern. He nodded slightly and watched Soaps eyes immediately soften.

Soap reached into the water with the cup and pulled back before pausing and looking at Ghost expectantly. When he just stared back Soap mumbled quietly "scoot up would'ye?" Ghost shuffled forward and raised an eyebrow at him. Soap shuffled to the side and poured the warm water down Ghosts back. It felt magical. His skin felt hot and clammy but the warm water had stopped his shivers and filled him with a nice soothing warmth. He sighed lightly and leaned back into the water before it stopped. He was instantly displeased before he heard Johnny move again and more water was running down his back. Running down his spinal colum and warming his blood. Johnny poured more water down his back before moving to his shoulders and than to the base of his hairline. His eyes were closed as he leaned back into the sensation. The warmth washing over him and wisking the cold away. The chill would quickly return before it was smothered by the water again. It was near silent in the bathroom, only the sloshing water and Ghosts sighs. It was almost too quiet. He liked the quiet, it made his head sizzle instead of sparking like a match but it allowed his thoughts to creep up on him. Every move Johnny made and every touch made him flinch slightly. "Can you..." He trailed off, voice a whisper as not to agitate his already enflamed larynx. "Hm?" Johnny gave a questioning hum as he began to pour the water over his scalp. "Can ye.. talk to me" he mumbled as Johnny reached back down into the water with the cup. "Sure Si, what da ye wan tah talk aboot?" His voice was low and slightly deeper. It was obvious he was trying to be quiet for Simon's sake. It made his heart flutter and his chest feel warm just thinking about it. "Anything" he sighed. Johnny pulled away and Ghost shifted, coughing violently into his elbow, desperately clutching it with his other hand. Johnny softly rubbed circles into his back until he relaxed again. Johnny began to talk. About what? Simon couldn't tell you, but the noise was soothing. Johnny's voice was soothing. His stupid Scottish accent making him slightly difficult to understand with his voice so low, but it was nice. He didn't need to pay attention and Johnny didn't expect him too.

Soap pulled his hands away and he heard a bottle being picked up. He heard him squirt something into his hands before those same hands massaged something into his scalp. His shampoo, he figured. He almost moaned at the feeling. It felt amazing, now he knew why Johnny had insisted he take a bath. As quickly as it was there it was gone. He cursed himself internaly for having such a short haircut. What he would give to have his Sargent card his hands through his hair, to lazily play with it while they slept- okay. Take a breath. Johnny's just helping him out. Not like they're gonna sleep together and cuddle. Live a happily ever after. What he would give for that though. To get to wake up next to Johnny every single day. Okay. Pause. He knew he felt... something for his Sargent but he didn't feel that about him, right? He shook the thoughts away as Johnny finished rinsing the last of the soap put of Simon's hair. "Where's tha rag ye had?" Soap questioned, he assumed it was rhetorical because he felt the Scott pull something out of the water, the rag, and ring it out. "Simon?" He questioned. Ghost cracked his eyes open to squint at the man, his arms were wet, so far as to up to his forearm on the right. He gave a questioning hum, filled by a wince as he agitated his throat when fire shot through his skull. "Can ah?" He asked, holding up the wet rag. Simon thought for a minute assuming Soap was asking if he could scrub him or something. He was already naked in his bathtub with his Sargent who had just washed his hair. Fuck it. He was already too far gone to give a fuck. If Johnny said it would make him feel better he would try anything. His whole body was still pulsing. He could feel and hear his blood being pumped through his veins. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack, but he was fine so he ignored it. He could barely think around the screaming pain in his mind. Who cares anymore? "Yeah" he nodded before closing his eyes again. He caught a glimpse of Soap starting to nod his head before he closed his eyes and tried not to think. Johnny washed up his legs and torso, specifically avoiding his crotch, Simon noticed, all while talking about... something. He menouverd his arms to wash his chest and back. His arms and under his pits. "S' ealed nicely" Soap ran his fingers across Ghosts side absentmindedly, making him shiver at the touch. He'd gotten slashed on their last op and had his torso wrapped for a couple days but it wasn't deep so it was healing rather quickly. "Ah- sorry" he mumbled, returning to washing Ghosts back with the cloth.

After a couple minutes he paused and Simon cracked his eye open, just enough to see, barely. "Uh- ahm done if ya wannae-" he cleared his throat awkwardly and gestured at his legs, looking away. He looked down and realized what he meant. Ah yeah. It would be weird for his Sargent to wash his dick and balls. He nodded and reached for the cloth, missing entirely. He felt his face flush in embarrassment. His depth perception was not ideal, he knew that much, but he didn't think it was this bad. Johnny placed the cloth in his hand and pushed the body wash he had used towards the middle of the ridge of the tub. He stood with a sigh and turned around to do something. Fumbling with the pills on the countertop. Ghost got to work lazily scrubbing himself with the cloth. He didn't even bother putting soap on it, just running it over his exposed skin. It didn't feel nearly as nice as when Johnny had done it. When he finished he shifted his legs to sit criss cross. Or as best as he could. He was entirely too large and tall for the tub, so he just folded his legs up the best he could. "Oright, I ave some pills for ya to taek ya waen em in tha bath or oot?" Ghost shot him a questioning look, too drained to decipher his sargents accent or question. Johnny sighed and repeated "I ave pills for ye. Ya wan ta taek em in tha tub or get oot am taek em?" Ghost nodded. "Aye which one? I asked ye two questions." He asked exasperatedly. Without answering Ghost tried to stand, shifting in the bath and placing his hands on the edge. "Aye! Nae ya need ta wait ave got somethin' ta do!" Soap yelped at he rushed to push his huge Lieutenant back into the bath. Ghost huffed and plopped back down with a splash and a thunk that sent his head swimming and made his stomach churn with dizziness. Johnny worked quickly, pulling the stopper in the tub and snagging a towel off the counter he had apparently grabbed earlier and laying in on the floor. "Oright now we're ready" he said. Ghost took this as his que to try and stand again. Blood quickly rushed to his brain and shot him with dizziness as his stomach acid yearned to meet his bathroom floor. He swayed and Johnny instinctively reached out to steady him. Ghost reached to grab his arms, holding them in place as he got his bearings. "Ye need 'elp?" Soap asked, still holding his Lieutenants forearms. Ghost nodded and looked down, to step over the lip of the tub and to hide his embarrassment. It look seemingly way too long but he managed to stumble his way over it. Soap handed him another towel and instructed him to sit on the toilet seat to wait for his pills. Ghost wrapped the towel around his waist and tucked it into itself to hold it up. The yellow blanket from earlier was nowhere to be seen. Soap grabbed some pills and the juice box from earlier and handed them to him. "Jus swallow those an drink tha, yer gonnae need it." He gestured to his handful of pills and the juice. Once the pills were in his mouth it took some hyping up to swallow them. The second he did his throat spasmed and he gagged, covering his mouth with his hands. "Aye keep those pills doon." He rubbed his shoulder to make sure he wouldn't vomit up the medication and turned to line the boxes up against the wall, out of the way. "Where'd you get em?" Ghost rasped. "Huh? Oh Aye, tha pills. Stole em from medical. Girl dinnae even care tha much wen ah ran oof with em." He chuckled, looking down at Ghost who nodded slowly.

"Oh Aye ya need clothes." He left the room before quickly returning with a fresh pair of boxers, sweats, a tee and a hoodie with his name and rank on the back and over the left breast. Ghost slowly stood up, steadying himself on the counter. "Ya think you'll be good ere fer a minute?" Johnny questioned looking back at him as he paused his walk out the door again. Ghost nodded and johnny hummed before leaving him to get dressed.

It took way longer than expected but he managed to get dressed through the shaking. The shivers had returned full force and intended to take him down best they could. The hoodie helped some but he was still freezing. What he would give to be in his nice warm bed.

----

Soap left his Lieutenant to dress himself. He'd already gotten an eye full of the man's dick already and was sure Ghost was capable enough to dress himself without help. Plus, he was just in the other room, the door still wide open. He had snagged more waters on his mission and a blanket or two aswell. He picked the bottles off the bed and moved them to the nightstand next to it before moving onto the bed itself. He fluffed out the blankets before laying them across the bed. He made sure the curtains were drawn all the way closed and checked his phone to make sure he hadn't missed anything. He'd called Price when he left, informing him of Ghosts condition and asked for permission to skip the meeting to tend to him. He'd agreed but insisted that he drag Ghosts sorry ass to medical. They both knew that wouldn't happen, but one can hope. He had a text from Gaz asking for updates and some well wishes. Soap sent thanks and that Ghost was fine for the most part. Conviently leaving out the bathing part. He turned around after he heard ghost stop moving. He was leaned back against the counter, holding the juice to his forehead with his eyes closed. He was shivering again and was visibly tense. Johnny sighed and made his way to Ghost in the bathroom. "Cmon Simon, let's get ye tah bed." He nodded and pulled the juice away from his head, pushing off the counter with a stumble. Soap quickly brought his hands over to catch him. He tugged on Ghosts arms and guided him towards the bed. "Oright there ya go." He encouraged, lightly pushing Ghost down onto the bed and pulling the covers aside so he could slip under. "Ah'll be right back, ye drink tha oright?" Ghost blinked slowly and opened the juice. Soap turned with a sigh and headed towards the bathroom.

God he looked miserable didn't he? Johnny had never seen his Lieutenant look that bad before. He'd seen the man fall off a two story building and get up and look annoyed about it. He'd watched the man get shot and proceed to run around and fight with an open wound. Maybe he was hiding his pain then, which was likely, but he didn't hide it this time, or couldn't. To come back and see him on the floor like that, puking his guts out. His face streaked with tears and his eyes red and raw ripped his heart out. He immediately knew he had to do something. Had to make him feel better. Would make him feel better even if it got him killed. He felt immediately overprotective of him. He was furious that he was sick. Who had the gaul to get his Lieutenant sick? His best friend? He mightve been a little too obsessive over him but it didn't matter. He cared for him. Fuck. You could even argue that he loved him. He'd desperately tried to think of a way to help him. He remembered what his mother would do when he was sick. She would draw him a nice bath and would put some fancy salts in it that smelt like lavender. She would wash his hair and talk to him in a soothing voice. He fondly remebers her kissing her fingers and placing them on his forehead and saying that the kiss would make it better. It made his heart ache for her again. To have her care for him like that. But he knew it wasn't possible, so he did everything he could to make Simon feel as loved as his mother made him feel. It hadnt truly registered in his mind much until now. Hitting him like a pickup truck filled with bricks and C4. Exploding in his face and making his head spin. He'd watched his Lieutenant undress. Helped him into the bath. Washed him for Christ's sake. He had tried not to think about how muscular he was, how big he was and how it would feel to be pinned by that huge body. To feel his hands around his throat and his huge cock- He was doing it again. He mentally kicked himself for those thoughts. Simon needed him. Needed to be cared for and didn't deserve to be looked at like that while he was at the lowest Johnny had ever seen him. His nakedness wasn't meant for him. So he wouldn't take it as such.

He finished soaking another clean washcloth he found under the sink in cool water before ringing It out. He swivled and headed back to Simon, shutting the bathroom light off as he went. "Hey." He whispered to announce his presence before placing the cool rag on his head. He pressed it down softly into his eyes and cheeks. Simon let out a pleased sigh. Johnny turned to grab his phone from the nightstand. He'd been with Ghost for about 2 or so hours. He could go do other stuff and finish up any paperwork left from the meeting as Simon slept. "Oright Si, ahm gonnae leave ya ere to rest an ahm gonnae finish my duties-" he was cut short by a whine and a rough hand on his wrist. He turned to see that Simon had pushed the cloth up sightly to peer out under it. He was shooting him a pleading look "stay?" He rasped, barely audible. "Uhm-" he paused mulling it over. "Oright, if ye wan me ta" he responded with a sigh. He smiled when Simon pulled his hand back under the covers and shifted over in the bed, spreading his arms and lifting the blanket slightly in invitation. Johnny shook his head as he slipped his boots and rough work jeans off into a heap on the floor. He slid under the blankets next to Simon with a sigh. Simon wrapped his arms around him and he did the same. Sure he was cuddling with his Lieutenant. So what?

-----

"Johnny?" came Simons raspy voice laced with phlem. "Simon." He answered. Simon sniffled dramatically and winced before he continued. "Why?"

"Why what Si?"

"Why'd you help me? An agree to this?" His voice was low and labored but Johnny didn't mind much even as he sniffled into his hair.

"Because ah care aboot ye. So much Si." He whispered into Simon's shoulder, burrowing into his chest tighter. He wanted to say a different three words but he was sure the message came across regardless.

"Me too Johnny. Me too." Simon rubbed circles into his back before giving him a light ghost of a kiss to his scalp. He might get sick aswell after this but it didn't matter. All that mattered at that moment was them. Even though one of them was so sick he couldn't breath without it coming out as wheezes. The only thing that mattered was that Simon felt the same.

Johnny felt like his heart had exploded. He was sure his belly was swarming with little fire bugs. His brain felt fuzzy in the best way possible. He wasn't even tired, it being so early, but cuddling up against Simon made him so sleepy. The room was silent except for Simons breating and occasional throat clear. Their breaths and hearts slowed to match as they started to lose their grasps on the living world. They slowly slipped into sleep still clutching eachother like they would be torn apart. They would never mention this to anyone else, Johnny was sure of it, this was their special moment. So what if this was the best sleep they'd both had in years? So what if Johnny woke up with the sniffles and a headache. Worth it. So, so, worth it.

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