#anyway what i'm saying is i don't have experience with drugs but i'm pretty sure that's not how you do them

[gideonisms]

The writers of oniisama e failing to understand how drugs, illnesses, or human proportions work but understanding unrequited high school lesbian crushes on a deep and fundamental level:

[catboybiologist]

Transition journal and documentation: Jan and Feb of 2024

Measurements for January are up, and February will be soon to follow! Tagging @whalesharkcat and @trans4hire here. If you want to be tagged when I post these, let me know! The advice for injections is in the journal below.

Some quick notes to clarify things:

I'm consolidating qualitative observations into my journal. Oftentimes these haven't been easy to cleanly classify into different categories of observation, so I'm not really gonna bother.

As I'm sure you've realized, the timing of these observations isn't consistent. I have a private document with exact date stamps for everything, and these are mostly right at the end of the month. But my levels checks don't match up to this cleanly, so I group them with the closest set of other measurements. Sometimes I don't have one that cleanly fits.

I can't trust myself to measure height anymore, to be blunt. I want to ask the doctor every time but chicken out about it easily.

But anyways.

And now, as a journal, a brief summary of my thoughts on the past two months:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*deep breathing*

fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkk

Okay. So. I'm not gonna list off everything that's happened since the year started. So many independent things started happening, one after the other, that I had to start formatting it as a bulleted list to tell people I know irl what's been going on. Each one has been a crisis on its own- massive emotional events, health problems, health problems in people close to me, transphobic drama with former "friends", academic&research problems, and a resulting mental health spiral. And all of this leading up to my qualifying exams at the end of February, for which I barely scraped by and passed.

But. With all of this. There's silver linings.

The biggest one is that the start of this year has been a stress test of my overall emotional state since starting HRT. I'm not gonna lie- if all of this had happened a year ago, I don't think I would be here now. I either would have completely snapped and done something I regret, or... yeah. But as it stands? I cried. A lot. I isolated a bit. I had mood swings and anxiety and anger and excitement and relief and highs and lows beyond my wildest dreams. It was intense. It was not pretty. But it was cathartic, and healthy. Before this, I would've processed all of this as a generic, stressful, anxiety-ridden malaise, that would've weighed down on me until a breaking point. As it stands, however, I made it. Not in a neat way, not even really in an emotionally stable way, but I made it. And there is no fucking way that would be true pre-HRT. I think I can genuinely say at this point that estrogen has been life saving for me.

In the middle of all this, I switched to injections, right at the start of February. A mistake? Maybe, but I'm too fed up with delaying my progress because "the time isn't right", so I stubbornly refused to delay that change any further. It's a goal I worked out with my provider ahead of time and I stuck to it. So how's that been?

It's been an incredible and WILD experience. I'm on estradiol valerate. For those that don't know, estradiol is conjugated with another compound, which is then cleaved over time in your body to release it. For injections, that results in a peak irculating levels about 1-3 days afer injections. Some people feel it more than others- and holy shit, do I feel it. This has given rise to "the Sundays", because on Sundays, I'm going fucking nuts. My senses are heightened, and I start craving and reacting to physical touch in intense ways. It's not always sexual- while arousal comes easier to me the closer I am to peak, mostly I just become a cuddleslut. It is WILD. I'm also more emotional and cry more easily. Some cis female friends I have confirmed that it mirrors the feelings they get at a certain point in their monthly cycle, so essentially the fluctuating levels are giving me the sensory and emotional effects of a period every week.

The flip side of this is that I feel like shit on Thursdays, like I missed a sublingual dose when I was on that. After the first two weeks, I started taking 2mg sublingual on Wednesday night and Thursday mornings to avoid this, which helped a lot. My provider specifically said this was a good idea, so if you're dealing with that yourself, consider trying it out. I might move to a 5-day injection interval instead, but we'll see.

I've only had one problem with injections so far, which I'm dealing with right now- on my fifth self injection ever, I had unsteady hands and hesitation before stabbing myself, causing a not-great needle stick. Currently, I have a nasty looking injection bruise. Not painful, and healing pretty well, but not fantastic to look at. Self injecting has been intimidating and scary, moreso than I thought it would be. But the actual physical pain is much, MUCH less than I thought it would be, its just that the lizard brain refuses to stab yourself.

If you're thinking of switching to injections, here's a bit of my advice:

keep as many oral/sublingual pills on hand as you can anyways. These will be helpful if you feel your injections aren't carrying you emotionally for the entire interval, or if you don't have an environment where you can inject regularly

If you have a provider, they should provide a nurse tutorial and consultation for you to inject properly. If they don't, try to insist on one. They'll give better advice than I can.

think less, do more. Ideally, the actual moment of the stab should be painless. Be quick and steady about it. The fluid entering feels like pressure and slight burning, but nothing more than that.

vary your injection sites. A doctor or nurse should explain this to you, but this reduces risk of doing what I did and bruising yourself.

be extremely sterile about things. All of the wiping down and sterile technique you'll hear? Don't fuck around with it. Infection is no joke, and absolutely can happen.

Purchase spare needles and syringes from a pharmacist or online. Several reasons for this- one, if you make a mistake and a needle is no longer sterile, you don't want to hesitate about throwing it away. And two... well, let's make a second point about this.

If you want to stock up on estradiol for the future (if you're worried about future access to HRT), this can be easier with injections- but you have to be careful, and you'll need extra needles (for the love of fuck, do not reuse needles). Vials will always have excess medication, because it allows standard volumes to fill and distribute, and it also ensures that needle draws will always be able to be fully submerged. Do NOT try to run your vial out. You WILL run into sterility and contamination issues. That said, vial expiration dates are typically measured from time of first puncture. This will vary, but for me, I was told that the vials are good for 4 weeks after the first puncture. This is overcautious, but not egregiously so. My recommendation would be to use each vial for 1-2 extra punctures, and open the next vial a bit later. Still get prescription refills as frequently as you can. That way, you can stock up on unpucntured vials in case anything happens to your supply. THIS SAID- if you notice ANYTHING wrong with the vial- if the seal isn't containing the fluid properly, if bits of the seal are falling into the medication, if you can see a noticable hole in the seal, DO NOT USE THAT VIAL. Look me in the fucking eye. Do. Fucking. NOT. get sepsis. Do not fuck around with this. The flexibility to be cautious about your vials is a great reason to stock up on a bit extra in the first place.

To anyone in the US, if you're comfortable with doing this to stock up, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend starting this now. Slowly start using your vials for 1-2 punctures extra, stock up unbroken vials. Just in case something bad happens after the elections.

Typically, your medication will come with two sizes of needles- a draw needle (puncture the seal and draw medication into the syringe) and an injection needle. You might want to consider going *slightly* smaller on one or both of those needles. Estradiol is dissolved in a viscous oil as medication, and can be difficult to draw and dispense as a result. But, if you're patient, a smaller gauge might help. For the draw needle, it can help do less damage to the seal and preserve it a bit longer. For the injection needle, if you have a bit more sensitive skin, it might be comforting. Don't deviate too much, though, ESPECIALLY without a medical professional involved.

Remember that I'm not a medical professional, please consult one whenever possible.

I'm still on spiro for now, and I'm continuing it until my next levels check comes back clean. I don't want to erase months of progress getting my levels up by dropping it too early.

Measurement-wise, there hasn't been much change. But I'm starting to realize that the measurements aren't really telling the full story. My breasts look so much larger and, for lack of a better word, breast-like than they did even a couple months ago, but that hasn't been coming through in the measurements very well. I think what's happening is that my fat around my sides is shrinking at the same time my breasts are growing. This is reflected a bit in terms of underbust and waist measurements, but it still seems more dramatic than those are letting on.

Face wise, I think I'm really seeing some changes now. It's hard to put into words, but I'm starting to look more and more androgynous or femme by default, especially if I shave. I'm estatic, honestly, and I hope the trend continues. My chin and nose continue to be problems, but as the structure of the face around them changes, that's becoming less and less true.

I've been getting laser, but so far it's done pretty much nothing. There's lag time, and some of my health issues meant that I had to delay a session and get both sessions at a much lower power than I would've like. I was really hoping to have visible hair removal by June or so, but it looks like that's not happening. That kinda stings, and is a huge blow to my ability to pass by the one-year mark, which has been my target.

I think my boymoding has been holding, for the most part, although its been harder. Even with my sports bras, small bumps are visible under a t shirt, and the face changes won't be unnoticable forever. I've def been more loudly bisexual, and I think most people just write it off as me being fruity. Cis people can also be pretty oblivious, especially when changes are gradual. That being said, I've been coming out slowly to people, giving my usual speech of "I'm still presenting as a man for now, but just so you know this is what's going on", which removes a lot of the pressure and anxiety from boymoding. Still, I haven't told everyone (notably, labmates and family), and my timeline of social transition between June and August seems to be holding steady.

So uh, yeah. If you're curious about anything specifically, I'm an open book, although I may move it to DMs if it gets too personal. Hope that my progress updates are helpful to at least someone!

[palmtreesx3]

Prologue

SexShop!Steve x Reader : SexShop!Robin x OC

Series Masterlist

Series Summary: Steve and Robin have about had it with Hawkins, so on Robin's 25th birthday, the pair decides that there's nothing holding them there anymore and they start packing their bags. The friends move to Chicago and quickly find an apartment to call their own. As luck would have it, Robin stumbles on a no-strings-attached job offer for both of them - what could be better?! Now just to break the news to Steve…. This multi part story will both explore their platonic relationship and their chaotic experience working at the sex shop together as well as their own paths of self discovery as they plant their roots in their new city and finally deal with the invisible baggage they drug along with them when they moved. 

Warnings: no warnings...this time. Some non cannon relationships in this AU but cannon themes and Easter eggs a-plenty.

Chicago: Summer of 1993

It's only his 5th trip up and down the steps in the last hour, and Steve has about had it. Being left to haul a car full of Robin's personal belongings and boxes up the three flights of spiraling staircases to their brand new apartment building while she goes off in search of dinner and some help wanted signs seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't until he opened the hatch and saw how MUCH she actually packed did he immediately regret his choice to stay behind. He stood there regretting his current situation in an unfamiliar, bustling and loud city while sweat beaded on his hairline and flush spread across his cheeks in the humid June air.

Muttering to himself as he passes a redheaded teen girl carrying a skateboard who refuses to get out of his way on the staircase, he finally pushes his way through their doorway and he's thankful to feel the window unit he threw in first thing after they arrived starting to rev up and cool down the space. Steve repositions the particularly heavy box full of Robin's things on his hip while he reaches over for his cup of iced water setting on the counter and pooling condensation. Desperate for the reprieve, Steve gulps down an extra large sip and attempts to swallow but all sense of relief washes away as something slams into his whole left side. The glass he is holding ricochets down to the ground while Robin's box of nostalgic memorabilia topples over and spills out too. Hawkins High all over the floor. 

 "Jesus Christ, Robbie, what the hell!?" 

Bending over to start collecting all of Robin's teenage memories, the last threads holding her down to a town that didn't love her as much as she loved it - Steve doesn't hear anything she says when she first lifts her fists over her head and into the air in celebration - barely registering that she body checked the boy as she threw open the door. 

"Rob. Robbie, what the fuck are you saying? You're doing the thing… " he waves his hand in her general direction. 

"Oh fuck, sorry." Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath to regroup, realizing now that she came in making a whole lot of noise and saying not a damn thing at all.

She takes a deep breath and with a gleam behind her eye proclaims "I landed us a job, Dingus!" Both fists jolting upwards into the air again, he now sees the job applications crumpled up in her fists and yielded like torches. 

"Dude, gimmie that." Steve says. "You're gonna ruin it before I can even fill it out. We can't start a new job being that unprofessional. Christ… . What are we doing anyway? Gotta be better than that restaurant gig we both bombed before we left Indiana."

"Ok so, yeah, yeah this has the potential to be better than that. Definitely better than Family Video. For sure. And there's no stupid costume like Scoops. God. That sucked. We should pretty much know how to do a lot of it already and the manager seems like he's kinda chill. I told him I don't really know much about the ... uh...topic…but uh…that I'm a fast learner and he said we start on Monday and to bring the paperwork with us." She rambles, motioning to the pages Steve now holds in his hand. 

"O-oh kay Robin. Details please. You know them in your head but I don't yet. You-you gotta share." 

"Ha! Yeah! Sorry about that, I mean…." while she trails off and starts to fidget, Steve immediately knows there's more to the story.

"Robbie. What are you not telling me? " 

"It's called The Hideout. It's on Clark St, just a few streets over. 20 minutes walking - tops."

"20 minutes is doable." he says, and then quips back "Man, don't tell me it's a restaurant. I really didn't want to eat shit at that job all over again. I guess I'll take what I can get so we can at least get on our feet… "

" It'snotarestaurantit'sasexshop!" Robin blurts out in one rushed garble of words. 

"I'm sorry, WHAT did you say?" Steve stands with his hands on his hips, looking at her incredulously. "Did you say SEX SHOP?" 

Steve is freaking out. He's immediately embarrassed for something he hasn't even done yet. He can feel the tips of his ears going hot and shades of red staining his face and neck in splotches. Are those hives? She's giving me hives, he thinks to himself.

"What am I supposed to tell people when they ask what I do?! What are we supposed to tell the kids back home when they start to call non-stop? What am I supposed to say to my DAD, Robin?" He can feel her mere existance giving him heart palpitations while she looks on at him sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders. All he can do is focus on his breathing so he doesn't blow a gasket on his friend. 

Among the myriad of other things this move has going for the pair, Robin sees moving to Chicago as her opportunity to live who she is out loud and finally be free of the confines a small town puts on someone who looks a little different, thinks a little different and loves a little different. Steve, just happy for the fresh start and the chance to maybe do things for himself for once, was not really thinking this is how it would all start out, but looking at the excitement on Robin’s face made him soften just a little. 

Now pacing back and forth across the entryway to dispel her nervous energy, she looks on at her exasperated friend and he gives her an almost indistinguishable nod of the head in agreement. She smiles softly at him and says, "Anyway, I distinctly remember you once encouraging me to talk about boobies with you, Steve. Lighten up and get ready for tits, dicks…all of it! I'm ready and this city is my sexual awakening!" 

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Taglist: @livsters

[zivazivc]

I'm gonna take some time to digest and think about that comic before I come to a decision. The decision being whether to continue to support you or just leave you be.

If I decide to leave you be, just know that there are no hard feelings, okay?

You are on anon so I don't know if this is someone who I've talked to before, but either way, yes, no hard feelings. I completely understand. It's the internet, anyone can unfollow anyone for any reason, but also I know this is an uncomfortable topic and even triggering to some, and some people are just not here for that. I was contemplating posting it for a while for this reason.

I do kinda want to point out that the purpose was/is not to fetishize a relationship with a minor and I will never fetishize or glorify that ever. It's wrong and unhealthy even if there's no malicious intent present. (am pointing it out because I got a bunch of asks about it and I'm 🧍) But this is fiction, and I portrayed the scenes the way that I did mainly because I made the comic from Floyd's perspective and I wanted to get in his head and show what exactly he was feeling in that moment. If the end result makes you feel uncomfortable or "flustered" (I don't think I'm using the right English word) in a certain icky way, that was kind of the point and I believe should be a normal reaction from an adult.

I spent my high school years (normally 15-19yo, but it was more like 14-22+) living in a dorm in the country's capitol and I attended a vocational school for visual arts that is pretty notorious for having a drug problem (I'm talking about mostly weed) and being full of weirdos (students free and comfortable expressing themselves and experimenting with expressing themselves but weirdos is the used term lol). The dorm is also located very near the city's subcultural center (look up Ljubljana Metelkova if you want, it's kind of what I imagine the underground scenes the bandmates visit looking like) which is like a hangout place for subcultures like punks and metalheads and the lgbtq. Anyway coming from living my whole life in a rural village where I still played with toys to somewhere like that was an insane shock to me. I sometimes felt like a toddler around young adults in a big city. And it was whiplash for many other teens too, some of whom quickly fell into bad crowds and spiraled, often those who came from bad home situations or controlling parents (heck some even came from elementary schools already doing problematic things). The amount of rumors of things happening in that dorm and school (drugs, sex, messing around with older teens/adults, whatever)... (I'm not saying it was like a concerning percentage of students but it was happening) Some of these people who made some bad choices were and some still are my friends, some of whom still struggle with some things today and it's heartbreaking.

Anyway where I was going with this is that in high school I was always kind of the anti all of that (to the point it had the opposite effect on me where I didn't even try out the normal teenage things) and just thinking "what the fuck is wrong with these people?" And recently, when my headcanons for Floyd started going in the direction that they have, I started wondering the same thing. Just not in a judgemental way this time. More like I want to dissect this situation carefully and understand it from everyone's perspective and see what lead up to it. I've always been very fascinated by morally gray and dark fiction for this reason and this is right up that alley.

So yeah, this isn't for everyone, and I can't hold a grudge if anyone unfollows me for it. But what I'm doing here is inspired a lot by real life situations and my weird deep dives into articles about trauma and its effects (also pretty sure I'm also processing some of my own personal emotions through these blorbos but I am not going into that), and I feel like I'm taking a pretty realistic approach to it (if you ignore the fact that this is fucking Trolls). I'm just slowly exploring how a relationship between a teen who comes from a sheltered almost cultish upbringing (pop trolls live in a concentration camp and are dealing with the horrors by singing and enjoying every minute of their every day like life is a ticking time bomb) and a young adult who never got a chance to grow up because he never experienced a childhood and is suddenly being liked by someone for the first time in his life (I'll talk more about Les some other time), would develop into hopefully something okay for both of them. Because I do want them to both be okay in the end. And I'm sharing some of my brainworms online for anyone who's interested. I just can't share ALL of my brain worms and sometimes I forget that people don't have a view of what's going on in my head. Yeah... This answer became long for no other reason except that I can't sleep because I posted that comic, damn. That's what I get for dropping that bombshell on top of what was mostly fun "comedic" posts about the AU so far.

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Full Kook - JJ/Rafe Fic

Part 1/? - Bella Brooks

Summary: Part 1 is an introduction to the OC told by JJ Maybank. The lead up to my story. Overall this fic is about a troubled Pogue who finds comfort in people she least expects whilst dealing with many turns of events. A/N: This isn't planned out in any way shape or form. No reliability on the release of any parts I'm just writing this because I enjoy writing if it's not for you please move on. Warnings: Mentions of sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, abuse (mental and physical) Anything I missed lmk. Word count: 800

(Not proof read)

JJ's Pov:

Bella Elizabeth Brooks

My best friend since before I can remember. 

Most commonly known as the 'Princess of Kildare Island'; With the face of an angel and a heart of gold. The girl everyone wants to either be, or be with.

I'm pretty sure she'd give it up to anyone if she could... 

She's the perfect girl: a sweet persona, gorgeous appearance, kindest soul to exist. Who wouldn't want to be friends with her?

The answer.. everyone.

She has a close-knit group of friends, only through her dad. Me, because our dads used to be close friends, Sarah because him and Ward are disgustingly inseparable, and then Topper and Kelce because.. well.. Rafe. 

Swiftly moving on..

Bella's the type of person that people don't particularly see as a friend, but more of someone they can go to if they need something. She thinks it's a compliment; that people go to her when in desperate need of help. 

But no just.. no.

She's a toy.. pretty much sums it up; an easy target. 

It makes me sick thinking about it. 

People take advantage of her empathy, her soft attitude, the fact she can't say no. They see her as someone who can get away with anything and use that to their own benefit. 

She puts everyone first, doesn't want there to be any bad in the world, likes to make everyone happy anyway she can. Even if it means breaking herself in the process.

So my duty as her best friend is to keep her safe from the world. Keep her away from the bad. 

It physically hurts to know about the way people see her, and so I feel as if it's my job to protect her from ever dealing with it again. Dealing with the pain and the hurt she puts herself through for others who deserve nothing but a stick up their ass. 

She's my priority. And I will let nothing get in the way of me taking care of her and treating her how she deserves. 

Except for one tiny problem..

Thomas Brooks. - The man who created the Island's untouchable sweetheart.

Let's just say he's got a bad reputation.. but having Ward on his side gives him MAJOR  advantages. 

Don't get me wrong, the Brooks family is THE MOST respected family on the Island but just.. for the wrong reasons. 

And sadly it's not my place to say. Sorry, not sorry. I hate talking about it. 

Anyways, Bella is my everything and before you say ANYTHING, it's purely platonic. 

Well, to her. 

But, with everything she's been put through with all the fucking leeches in the OBX, I don't blame her and I wouldn't ask for it any other way. 

She's my rock, my girl. And no one will EVER take her from me. At least, they can try but it won't end well. Speaking from experience.

Enough about Bella.. but more about Bella..

She lives on the Cut, with me. Well no actually I live with her but, same thing. 

She has never once moaned about the little amounts of money her dad earns, and never once made a single comment about where she lives. 

It's this run down shack-like house. Imagine the Chateau but just.. worse. 

The walls are boarded up from the masses of storms that have destroyed what used to be there causing the remains to become rotten. The windows are cracked and the furniture is far from usable. 

The only healthy-ish part of the house? Bella's room.

It's a huge contrast from the rest of the building, almost like it was placed there separately. The wall's a bright white colour, her soft bedding and her drawers overflowing with colourful clothing puts the rest of the place to shame. A large window overlooks her room, filling it with more light than the whole house sees combined. 

The reason behind this is because her dad isn't the greatest dad. But in his defence he's aware. And so he spends the only bit of money he has on her - Always. Without any slight slither of guilt. He would give her the world if he could and she knows that, which is why she excuses his actions. 

She holds a pretty smile to cover the hurt she feels beneath. Her vibrant choice in her room reflects the young girl inside of her. 

She hasn't got an easy life and if it wasn't for me living with her, I wouldn't understand.

If the island really knew why she's the way she is.. they wouldn't want to be her. 

Please let me know what you think x

Thank you for reading 🌹❤️

Masterlist

[emmis15]

Daryl's Three favorite memories.

1-

Daryl Dixon might be a very closed off person with a receptive but unfriendly personality, but even with his bad attitude or rude way of relating to his surroundings, he somehow managed to hit the jackpot amidst the walking dead and the pain.

Katherine Sánchez, the girl he met on the farm, was different from the prejudices that he had already placed on her shoulders. To think that just because of her last name or her millionaire family in New York that she would be a privileged and stupid girl was far from who she was, and one of the first nights we were all together, she could see it.

—I never said being a drug addict is a good thing, don't put words in my mouth. I'm just criticizing how you think people become addicts. It's a Disney fantasy to say 'bad people are addicts' or 'people with no future' because it's false and totally uninformed, especially for a cop. Did you know that overprescribing opioids for every damn physical problem created an entire generation of addicts, right?—Kat asked Shane as she took a long sip from the bottle of red wine.

We were all sitting around a campfire in front of Hershel's house; he was inside sleeping while his daughters, except for Beth who was inside, were outside with us. Kat was next to Maggie, who was glued to Glenn, and that made me laugh because his red face from alcohol and skin-to-skin contact with that girl made him look like a tomato. But I stopped making fun of him to listen to the conversation.

—That's what liberals say, it's the only future, more or less with money or without money, for low-income people and a very normal reality for them, girl. ¿Have you ever seen what those neighborhoods are like?—He asked her, looking at her seriously.

—No, but if you put two neurons together, people addicted to opioids, after they stop using them because they couldn't get them anymore and the authorities shut them down instead of helping them because, I repeat, THEY CAUSED THE PROBLEM they'll seek that feeling elsewhere and end up in those neighborhoods. People with incredible futures or normal people who, I don't know, break a leg, for example, end up dead from using crack or steroids.

—¿And what about the people who sell them? Drug traffickers and distributors, what happens to them? Are they good people for giving them what they need? Because I'm pretty sure those types of people aren't normal or people who got into that million-dollar business that takes lives just because they broke their damn legs or something. —Shane responded.

She sighed heavily as she shook her head. I straightened up and stopped leaning against the tree to look at her; the whole group was silent as we watched them.

—And the economic problems of this shit society and monetary organization, plus the crises we go through, don't ring a bell to you? It's much easier to sell drugs without experience than to get another job. Plus, it pays the bills and supports families, but in the same way, it discards people as if they were nothing, since putting drug dealers in prison doesn't achieve anything because it's a whole organization.

—Maybe you have a point in that, but anyway, it's better to lock up a person than to let them go when they do something against the law.

—¿And what about helping them? You were supposed to be a cop and "help people." ¿Do you think these people were there by their own choice? ¿Do you think they woke up one day and said, 'I want to sell drugs'? This isn't like Breaking Bad.

—Girl, I'm a cop, not the president. I just lock up the bad people and save the good ones. End of story.

—That's very black and white, and life isn't like that. We're gray; you can't lock people up just because they resorted to the last thing they had to feed their families. And believe me, I know you're a cop, and not much can be done, but that's where morality comes in, or thinking with your head instead of brutality. ¿Why not help people for something better and dismantle organizations? Or something simpler, ¿instead of locking up drug-addicted people on the street, take them to a hospital or clinics? Something that actually helps them.

—Why does it bother you so much, girl? I just made a joke, and everyone laughed. ¿Can't you just laugh and forget?

—No, because that's not right, since from your privileged and problem-free point of view, you think only bad people among the poor are addicts and will end up living under a damn bridge. But it's not like that. I know I was very, very privileged in life before all this shit happened, even with that, with not lacking anything and never having to worry about money, I ended up in the same boat as the addicts.

I raised an eyebrow at that; it was odd for a privileged person to defend my previous usual situation with my brother or my neighborhood, but now everything closed when she said that.

—¿To what?" I asked her seriously, leaning my elbows against my knees.

—Adderall and antipsychotics. Now I'm fine because it was like a year ago, but anyway, he can't be such a bastard to say that, and it surprises me that he's a cop, although I don't know why I do it since cops are fucking shit—she said, getting up and taking the half-empty bottle with her.

We all stopped looking at her when she disappeared into the darkness to look at Maggie, her friend since they were kids.

—Her parents pressured her to be perfect in everything she did, so she pretended to have ADHD and schizophrenia in front of a psychiatrist to get those prescribed medications after coming to the conclusion that being at the top of success cost a price. She stopped her pills when I found out, and we noticed that it was killing her, but it's still a recent wound, and besides, Kat has always been an advocate for the poor—Maggie explained as she took a long sip of water, looking at the fire.

I got up from the ground and walked the same steps where Kat's body had gone, leaving me standing in the middle of the backyard near the barn, watching her from afar sitting against the poorly painted and old wooden planks at the back with her legs to her chest and continuously taking sips while looking at the moon.

—For a mommy and daddy's girl, you turned out pretty real—I said as I approached her.

—It doesn't matter who provides you with sperm or who gives birth to you; What matters is who raises you and with what mentality those people show you the world— her gaze never left the moon

—¿Butlers and nannies?

—Workers like cooks or cleaners, my mother's assistant and just a nanny. All immigrants because 'people from difficult countries create workers who don't complain', according to my parents—she said with disgust in his voice. —I don't agree at all with what my parents did or with what they thought they had in their heads, besides it seems shitty to me that those people raised me and never had good pay for their extra work.

—The black sheep of the family, it seems—I said with a laugh in my voice.

—My parents' favorite, in case you didn't notice—the sarcasm in her voice made me laugh.

We stayed silent for a long time, both of us looking at the clear sky, enjoying the cold air.

—My brother was an addict, but he was a bad person.

—¿Didn't he make it out?

—¿Get here? No, he was even in the group before he came here and remained an addict. The pills Glenn brought were his.

—¿Did he become one of those bastards or did he go out as a lone wolf?

I chuckled at the latter.

—Rick handcuffed him to the roof of a building, and when I went to look for him, he had cut off his hand to escape — I said as I grabbed the bottle and took a long swig.

—Police brutality doesn't even wane in an apocalypse, it's not surprising, to be honest — her lips pursed.

—I don't know if he's alive, but at least I know that only one Dixon kills another Dixon.

—My father told me that once, only a Sanchez can bring down another Sanchez. He was talking about our empire as the second-largest bank in the United States and our generational wealth, but I think it applies.

We both fell silent, staring at the stars and the moon with the empty bottle between us.

Daryl thought a lot about that memory when he was trapped by Negan, thinking about Kat and how they had thought the best thing that ever happened to him helped him not to think about the images of Glenn or the loud music that deafened him, he just kept reliving moments, but that was one of his favorites.

Hello, this is my first job, and I'm not a native English speaker, so if there's any mistake, please let me know respectfully, and I hope you like it <3

(I want to clarify that I am not an expert on the topic of drugs or anything related. Everything the character says is based on the research I conducted about reality. If there is anything wrong with the topics discussed, please let me know with all due respect so that I can avoid problems and prevent causing negative feelings for others who may feel attacked by the subject matter)

[henghost]

Twig Liveblog for Arc 9

jesus christ what a brutal arc... it felt like the baron was cutting out MY eye!! i know gordon's death was pretty heavily foreshadowed but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt! the strongest lamb just snuffed out anticlimactically by a faulty organ 😭 the academy must pay!!!

the next chapter, in which lillian injects wyvern to numb the pain--mood--was one of my favorites so far. visceral and devastating. the line about how lillian feels closest to sy immediately after his wyvern does and how sy feels most distant from her after her dose was heartbreaking--especially after seeing just how drastically it can alter a personality. does sy have an identity outside of wyvern? would lillian still love that version of sy? what unspeakable cruelty to taunt this weapon-child with visions of what a normal life might be like as the drug leaves his system, and then to make him chemically crave his own subjugation. also, if there's one thing we know about consciousness-altering substances it's that after you imbibe them you never want to do it again.... and then the dog dies in the next chapter oh my fucking god wildbow what did i ever do to you (actually don't answer that).

on a cheerier note, i think i'm ready to declare my undying support for mauer. he's so cool and sexy. he could start boiling babies alive in the next arc and i'd still defend him sorry not sorry. when they blew the duke's fucking brains out i was whooping with the rest of the mauerists. it's quite un-wildbowian, i found myself thinking, to make a religious leader so sympathetic (though the extent to which his religious veneer is just a ploy to get more people on his side is a little ambiguous), as religiosity, when it does come up in parahumans, is treated as fundamentally reactionary (the fallen being the primary example). there's also that little aside from one of the soldiers about how "safe to pray" now that the crown and academy have been repelled. i'm not quite sure what to make of it, and it's further complicated by the interlude.

the interlude, indeed, helped to clarify my thoughts about the primordials. unlike other experiments, which are either clones, edits of preexisting life, or frankenstein reanimations, the primordials are entirely new forms of life. they represent a counterpoint to the crown's attempt to create something "beyond" humanity through advanced science. and because they are truly new, they constitute a legitimate threat to the status quo: this is why they enthrall mauer, and why they terrify the crown. mauer literally chaining up a "god" of his own creation (who loathes him) to serve his own ends is, let's say, a little on the nose.

the twins were cool but the fight went on way too long. idk why getting married to the baron is treated like a fate worse than death... like girl i know tons of people who would kill to be in that position... anyway i saw arc 10 is like over 20 chapters long so it might be a while till the next one of these lol. the classic wildbow frogboil!!

[blackjackkent]

Bit of meta pondering on my own OC again...

Going into Act 3, I'm thinking again about what Rakha's ultimate ending is going to be. And I'm realizing that it's not quite as certain as I initially thought it was, because what ends up happening to her is going to depend pretty much exclusively on what she ends up thinking of the Emperor.

Back in Act 1 when I initially discussed this, I was pretty sure Rakha was going to hate the Emperor; it's a mind flayer, after all, and it was On Sight for her with the illithids on the nautiloid.

The more I've thought about it, though - there's room for potential complexity here. Rakha has ended up VERY attached to the guardian; I've taken a more-or-less throwaway line from the narrator about how the Dark Urge doesn't have the same sway during the guardian dreams and run with it full bore. And Rakha chases anything that can give her that sort of mental peace like a drug, and presumably the Emperor's abilities in this regard don't go anywhere once it is undisguised.

So she may end up being more attached to it than she thought, and very conflicted about it as a result. This could potentially be interesting because Hector really didn't like/trust it at all by the end of the game, so it might give me some new stuff to experience in that regard.

Originally, since I thought she was gonna hate the Emperor, I assumed this meant she would be pretty much forced into taking the illithid ending herself instead; if she doesn't hate it, that means various other endings are potentially in play as well.

(Also potentially on the table, if I want to get real in the weeds on Rakha's mental state, is an ill-advised, emotion-driven hookup with the Emperor in guardian form, which would depend strongly on exactly when that cutscene drops and just how bad of a state Rakha is in at the time. I wouldn't even consider it due to implications with her romance, except that Wyll is a good enough dude (and has seen enough people in crisis including Rakha herself) that I think he might recognize that it was a sign of Rakha spiraling rather than an insurmountable betrayal. So potentially interesting stuff there to explore, and I do like to think that giving my characters a few failures makes their victories more interesting, but idk if I want to go that route or not.)

Anyway, this is all just thinking out loud, but mostly to say that I don't really know what any of Act 3 is gonna look like for Rakha at all. XD I suspect this is one of those things that I won't quite figure out how she feels about it until I'm actually there writing about it.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Alright, a couple of regular replies, and then some about Jade!

eh-nonnie-mouse asked:

I'm so nervous to de anon but your newest comic of Floyd/Idia comic is too cute! I'm sure Floyd totally doesn't have any ulterior motives once he realizes what position they are in.

This is such a silly thing to be nervous about since I write problematic content (mostly incest) and enjoy your Shroudcest stuff a lot. You have such a beautiful art style and I am so happy my anon blurbs (the Seb/Ceil and Fin/Ciel and some other NSFW stuff) make you two somewhat happy 😊. I know I don't interact with a lot but I hope to drop more chats in non anon.

Thank you so much! We really appreciate it <3

Floyd is super invested in that game he’s playing, but once they’re in this very convenient position, he’ll show Idia how much of a multitasker he can be >:3c He’ll impress him for sure.

And even though it’s going off-anon is an anxious thing to do, it’s good to see a person behind all those asks :) Nice to meet you!

Anonymous asked:

(Referring to your fem twst art) I absolutely NEED to see fem!Silver in Aurora’s 1959 commoner outfit! She would look so pretty!!! 🥺😍🥺😍

Ahh SHE WOULD, ANON, SHE REALLY WOULD!! And honestly this is my favourite outfit of Aurora.

I don’t have anything to show right now, but I really hope to draw fem!Silver in this dress. Even though she probably spent the majority of her time wearing pants…

Btw thank you for loving my fem!Silver, it means a lot ;w;

Anonymous asked:

In this household we love Jade ❤️

In all seriousness the fandom doesn't give him enough love, Jade is always the other woman when it comes to ships and worst of all it's always Floyd his own twin brother that gets the girl anyways. Make a donation to save Jade from second male lead syndrome 😢/j.

Ahh, poor Jade. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride… I can picture him sobbing quietly and wiping his tears with a tiny little handkerchief… :”(

To be fair, I think Jade finds his position quite advantageous: if everyone always pays attention to Floyd, he gets to not only act as if he isn’t the same when it comes to being chaotic and dangerous, but also have this element of surprise!

He also doesn’t flirt as obviously and as often as Floyd does, so we can blame Jade’s sneaky ways to collect his bottoms lol

Anonymous asked:

by chance, do you think Jade would like using idia as a lab rat? aka feeding him all kinds of mushrooms to test their effects and inevitably doing the affection +100 nighttime-activities command with a very drugged up idia

Anonymous asked:

I wonder if Jade being the awful guy he is (lovingly) would test out every single kink from A-Z on Idia?

Those are two different asks, but I feel like they are kind of connected because in my head to Jade testing out kinks and using someone as a lab rat are pretty much the same thing lol And to answer both of them: YES, Jade would absolutely do that if he had an opportunity. I guess the second option is more possible because it seems less dangerous, and I wanted to say that it would come first, but…. Honestly? With Jade it could go either way.

He could either start experimenting on Idia and it’d turn out sexual, or he’d start having sex with Idia, but then they’d end up experimenting somehow.

I don’t know what needs to happen for Idia to get stuck with Jade-the-shroom-guru and his tests, but Jade would be very excited. I mentioned it our other Jade/Idia posts, but: he would love to see if some mushrooms would change the colour of his hair or the way it burns. In this way, Idia is the most perfect lab rat ever – it’s so much fun! Not to mention how helpless Idia becomes when he’s drugged up… even more-so than he is usually~

[iasmelaion]

WIP Tag Game

Rules: Share a snippet from whatever you’re currently working on, and then tag 5 people.

tagged by @firstelevens

tagging @pairofraggedclaws, @pineapplecrushface, @lugarn, @technicallyverycowboy, but no pressure! (also, wow, truly do not remember ANYONE's tumblr usernames without the little icon photos there to prompt me, damn. that took way longer than it should have /o\ )

Thank you for tagging me @firstelevens because it is providing me with the extra bit of motivation I need to finish up this ridiculous silly fic that started as a comment fic but that I just kept noodling away at because I didn't feel like working on anything else, lol. The prompt for this, for the record, was "vampire bucky au" and this is...not at all that, lol. These are, alas, the things that happen when you give me a prompt.

It's entirely Sam's fault that Bucky's first thought on realizing he’s been captured by vampires is: well, these guys aren't part of the big three. His second thought is: if vampires have been a thing all this time and no one fucking told me, I'm going to be so pissed. What the fuck else is real? Fairies? Wolfmen? Goddamn Sasquatch??

Ugh, if he survives, Bucky is never going to live this down. In his defense, how the fuck was he supposed to fight against fog. Bucky had been minding his own business, headed back to his apartment after acquiring some late-night take out, and he’d had about a second to think, that’s weird, it wasn’t foggy out earlier and then, when the fog did not move in fog-like ways, well, that’s not fog, but it doesn’t smell like any kind of gas either and then the damned vampires had coalesced out of the fog and surrounded him before he could run. 

“What the fuck are you?” he’d asked, baffled and pissed, and one of them had smiled, showing off some pretty gnarly and pointy teeth.

“We are vampires, of course.”

Then Bucky had felt the chill of fog behind him and a prick in his neck, and passed out, only to wake up on a plane.  

At least the vampires are polite. No one has tortured him so far, or even sucked his blood, and whatever they’ve drugged him with, it’s honestly kind of pleasant once he wakes up properly. He feels floaty and hazy and not particularly interested in breaking his bonds, not that he has any escape options other than jumping out of the plane, and anyway, this plane is even nicer than Zemo’s plane. Like, sure, his hands and feet are bound at the wrists and ankles, but he’s on a really comfy leather seat, and they’ve given him some water.

Also, and most importantly, the vampires don't appear to be especially tech-savvy. While he can’t feel his phone in his pocket anymore, no one has noticed Bucky twist the tip of his vibranium pinky, one of his panic button options, and one no one ever thinks to look for or prevent because it involves a motion that’s not physically possible in a flesh and blood pinky, not without breaking it, and definitely not independently. God bless Shuri’s cleverness in coming up with that one. Anyway, if Bucky’s got even a scrap of luck left, Sam is already on his trail. 

Though, fuck, it's not like Sam's gonna be prepared for vampires, what with them not being one of the big three and all. Bucky will have to gather what intel he can. Since they haven’t gagged him, he figures he might as well ask some woozy but totally reasonable questions.

“So…do you know Dracula?” he asks the vampire sitting across from him.

He doesn’t look much like a vampire at the moment, just an average white guy, apart from the eerie golden shade of his eyes.

“No,” says the vampire, lip curling slightly in what might be disgust, showing off the tip of a too-pointy canine.

“Do you, uh, want my blood?” Bucky asks. “A lot of people want my blood on account of how I’m a science experiment.”

The vampire blinks at him and frowns. “We do not want your blood.” Bucky tries and fails to place his accent. Dutch, maybe? Something European.

“Are you HYDRA?” asks Bucky. 

There’s no ostentatious squid-related branding or gloating about recovering the asset, so he doesn’t think so, but he figures he should ask.

The vampire wrinkles his nose. “Ugh, no,” he says. “We aren’t Nazis.”

“What do you want with me then?”

“We will not harm you. My master will speak with you soon,” says the vampire, and oh, that doesn’t bode well. “Sleep now,” continues the vampire, and Bucky wants to protest, but vampires have magic powers or what the fuck ever, he guesses, because he does in fact sleep.

It’s honestly kind of the best night of sleep he’s had in a while, so he’s in a pretty good mood for someone who’s been captured by vampires when he wakes up to being gently pulled out of a plush SUV and into the courtyard of—a castle? Bucky tries to crane his head up and around to get a feel for where the hell he is, but all he sees are starry skies and a lot of gray stone before he’s inexorably guided inside. While he’s no longer tied up or woozy, the vampires’ grip on him might as well be vibranium. He makes a tentative attempt to break free, just to gauge what it would take to escape, and is not encouraged by the results. He could do it, he thinks, but it would hurt. 

"Could we maybe talk about this?" tries Bucky, because it's what Sam would do, probably. "Do you have any demands, or am I in for yet another round of being experimented on or something? Because I'm not really into that. The third time is not the charm."

The vampires holding him are silent, and drag him down plushly carpeted, well-lit wide hallways into—what the fuck, is this a literal throne room?—where someone tall and pale and dark-haired is sprawled in the opulent seat at the other end of the room, at the far end of a long wooden table. The man looks familiar, and Bucky's about to start low-key panicking about this being more HYDRA bullshit, no matter what the vampire on the plane had said. Like, fuck, are HYDRA vampires now? Have they always been allied with vampires? He tries to make out what’s on the tapestries draped all over the walls, but then he gets closer and—

"Great Uncle Yakov?!" Bucky blurts out.

Because that man’s face is familiar—familiar as in family. They have the same damn dimple in their chin.

"James! It is wonderful to see you again!" says his surprisingly alive—undead? unalive?—great uncle, beaming in a way that shows off his pointy white canines.

[kharmii]

My politics are mostly the opposite of yours but I stumbled upon your posts on LJ (crazy, i thought that site was dead and/or for Russians) and here and laughed my ass off. You got a sense of humor, I'll give you that. Keep it up, fandom feels so political homogenous so it's refreshing to see a 2000s-era edgy troll.

Uh oh.....does that mean you saw my hot Tomura Shigaraki take? That's my most recent public post over there. I haven't shared that one here yet, but I think I made a pretty good argument for why Shigaraki AKA "The Rape Ghoul" would be trans.

Here's my dude my guy with the itches from all the drugs he takes that he didn't have to take -and he has no business taking- but he chooses to take anyway. It's all because his sociopath adoptive daddy All For One messed with his head and had experiments done on him when he was a vulnerable grade school aged child.

A while back,  I read a post on a Twitter account called Gays Against Groomers where they published an article about how trans men taking testosterone getting menopausal symptoms age 28.

Based on that, my other trans head canon is that Riff Raff from Rocky Horror Picture Show is trans. Look, he has a hunch back from severe osteoporosis. That condition is a side effect commonly seen in trans males because of how they are basically drugging themselves into a hormonal imbalance. Other side effects are blood thickening and 'backne' or body acne. Emotionally, they often feel like they become deadened inside and quote 'feel like they stopped giving a fuck about anything'.

That was my old favorite trans head canon. My new favorite is that Tomura Shigaraki is a trans male. His canon age is 20, but he looks like someone dug up your dead grandmother to have sex with her and thought, "Damn! I didn't expect her to look this good!"

Tomura Shigaraki shows off his top surgery scars:

Look out single bachelors. He's on the prowl.

Shigaraki wearing his sassy child kidnapping get-up scares the childrens. The childrens be like, "OH GROSS!!! IT TOUCHED ME WITH ITS COLD BONY FINGERS!! DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!! EW...EW...EW...EW...EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!1!!11!"

Dr. Kyudai Garaki is ordered to do evil science experiments on Shigaraki to appease All For One's Unquenchable Narcissism. The experiments have nothing to do with turning a biological female into a male. It's just that Shigaraki signed those consent forms, so now the doctor can screw with him however he wants. -For fun if he wants to. It's unclear why he'd turn him into a diseased corpse looking guy with the stench of death clinging to him constantly after AFO shelled out like 100K to get all the surgeries done.

Shigaraki's dress made quite a splash at this year's Met Gala. Normies thought it was the least creepy thing they saw that year.

Tomura Shigaraki gets a glow up after the PLF merger. ReDestro told Koku Hanabata to make him feel welcome and spend some quality time with him.

Hanabata: B-But he gives me the creeps!

ReDestro: You're a politician. Use your bullshitting skills to act like he doesn't. What's not to like?

Until next time when I do MBTI analysis of Shigaraki and the Meta Liberation Army Members. For sure, Shigaraki is an INFP. You might say....that isn't really a stereotypical villain personality. Once you read the evidence I've compiled, you won't be able to come up with a single argument to tell me I'm wrong.

[kittyweed666]

A review of the small saalt menstrual disc : by a trans guy

You may be asking, why are you doing this? Didn't you make a post before saying they sounded scary or like they would kind of suck? Why did you pick possibly the smallest possible menstrual disc on the market despite being a grown adult?

Well first and foremost I bought this thing with the intention of exclusively using it for period sex. My sex partner doesn't like period blood and we wanted to fuck, and I got my period the day before we were going to meet up. So you see my dilemma here.

My options were as follows: don't have sex, or try some form of menstrual disc. I went with the second option.

I went to a drug store and saw they had disposable discs. Cool! Not really what I was looking for though because it was like $15 for a pack of 12. That's 6 days worth if I got it perfectly correct the first try, or I guess 12 sexual experiences. Lame. So I went to a different store for a reusable disc. Then I got in the checkout line and looked at the box which said it held 70 fucking mL of blood to which I was like ok... I don't need it to do that. I'm a small person. I'm getting this so I can fuck easier. I want there to be space for a dick. So I put it back and went to a different store to try a 3rd time. That time they had 3 options and I stood there alone as a dude in the tampon aisle for 20 minutes looking up specs on these things on store wifi. Eventually I was like fuck it. I'm getting the small one, I don't care if that causes a problem later (bc apparently if it's too small it can pop out of place and leak or something?) I'm only using this for sex. So I bought it.

The review starts here.

It cost me $17 because I think the people at the store mislabeled it, massive win for me.

I put it in. I really wasn't sure if I was doing it right. It seemed like I couldn't get it far back enough and I was thinking, what if it's too big?? Too small?? Idk I've never done this shit before. Whatever.

It literally feels like nothing when it's in. Way less noticeable than anything else I've ever tried: pads, tampons, period underwear or cups. Totally discreet if you ask me. I felt like I was doing it wrong bc I couldn't feel it at all.

Trying to pee with it in was fine. A little bit of blood kind of got past the cup when I did that but, I looked it up and apparently that's not a bug, that's a feature. "Auto dumping" or something. People like it I guess. I would personally prefer that not to happen. I honestly can't understand why you would want that to happen. But it happens anyway regardless of if you want it to or not, so you better wipe really well because there's gonna be blood on that toilet paper or in your underwear. This is apparently true for all discs, not just the saalt disc.

I slept with it in, no issues there. Woke up. Tried to take it out to empty it. It definitely felt like it was behind my pubic bone that time but it was pretty easy to take out, physically speaking. It's just, with discs? They go WAYY back there. So you have to be comfortable putting a finger pretty deep in there. Fortunately I'm comfortable with that because, well, I bought this for sex. However!!!!

Holy shit, this thing is messy to remove. I got blood all over my hand, and a good amount on my bathroom floor. I assume if I'd been smart and done this over a toilet it wouldn't have gotten on the floor. But it definitely would have still gotten on my hands. I do not believe I could reliably change this thing in a public bathroom. In case you're interested, hydrogen peroxide gets blood out of bathroom tile grout.

With increased usage I did learn to remove it less messily but please understand that it is very easy to get blood fucking everywhere with this thing.

I sneezed a few times and nothing happened so it holds up against sneezing.

The second time I used it, idk if it overfilled or popped out of place or what but it dumped blood into my underwear while I was in a liquor store. That only ever happened once though and I have no idea why, it never happened again after that.

As for using this thing during PIV sex:

It works? You can have sex with no blood involved. My sex partner personally found it uncomfortable on their genitalia, but this is likely not a universal experience. It definitely takes up space in the vagina so if your partner has a penis that is bigger than like five inches you may not be able to achieve deep penetration. But for me it was honestly fine.

Overall, the pros of discs in general are as follows:

EXTREMELY comfortable. You can kind of feel a cup, you can't feel this thing at all.

More capacity for blood than a cup if you're a heavy bleeder. Apparently they go up to 70 mL.

Physically easier to insert than a cup.

Can have PIV sex with it in (IT IS NOT BIRTH CONTROL! IT DOES NOT PREVENT STDS EITHER!)

No suction if that bothers you.

Cons:

Messy as fuck to take out without a lot of practice.

Can more easily pop out of place and dump contents than a cup.

Harder to take out than a cup, and you have to put your finger all the way up there to do it.

Will dump contents when you pee/poop whether you like it or not and cleanup down there is required. This is also technically a pro if you for some reason want this to happen.

[cipher26]

this is truly a tmi but i have no friends to talk to about this stuff so here i am, yet again.

hooked up with a guy from tinder tonight. first time having sex. i'm quite proud of myself for going through with it instead of chickening out. i'm also quite surprised at how not nervous i was, which is either testament to my maturity and Growth™️, or a result of the anxiety meds which must be working wonders, absolutely top quality product right there. 10/10

it was also interesting that like...not only was i not nervous and less awkward than normal, but it didn't feel like...shocking? idk i lost the word i wanted, but like touching someone and having them touch me just felt normal. it wasn't weird or embarrassing or whatever, which again...testament to the cocktail of drugs im on lmao. but anyway, idk. i'm a pretty lowkey person to begin with, but it is hard to tell how you'll react to certain situations until you're there.

anyway it was great actually. i mean the guy was fine, attractive but also kinda basic like... the "do we really need a condom?" kind of basic which was almost funny. textbook "high school peer pressuring boy from the examples in sex ed class" kind of basic. it def wasn't romantic in any way, which is probably better for me at this moment. also it didn't last very long lol, and i didn't cum. not surprising but i did have some hope. thank goodness for the toys i have at home. and then i just left.

i'm sure most people would be shocked or appalled that my first time wasn't "special" or whatever (i didn't tell him i was a virgin, i told him "it's been a long time" cause i'm not gonna date the guy and didn't want to deal with that drama, and also i've used toys so it wasn't my first rodeo in a lot of ways).

but the thing is, most of the moments in my life that were supposed to be special, these milestones people romantacize, they were never that special for me. in fact i missed out on most of those life events entirely, for reasons. so this was really on brand for my life i guess. i'm just glad it was on my terms.

oh also it was truly just a quick fuck, there was no kissing involved, which is even funnier when you think about it cause i've never been kissed cause no one cares about me. lmao. my life is so ass backwards i can only laugh about it at this point.

i will say, it was an amazing confidence boost though. physically i'm in the worst shape i've ever been in, and have been convinced my whole life that no one could possibly find me attractive. but he did. i actually felt sexy. and suddenly i don't feel so... different i guess. idk i'm not saying the words right, but you know what i mean she says to the ether. i genuinely think the adhd meds have also helped, because i've been taking care of myself more lately, in some ways anyway. definitely not with eating food... so i think that helped me have enough confidence to even go for it in the first place. i almost didn't out of habit, but then i was like "bitch you are on this app for literally one reason..."

and also i walked into a bodega and bought condoms and didn't feel weird or embarrassed about that either...

honestly i have been wondering if these meds have maybe numbed my personality a bit, cause there are a lot of things going wrong in my life right now and yet i don't feel the familiar ache and coldness of the depression. but maybe this is how normal people function all the time, and i'm not being numbed i'm just feeling what normal people feelings are supposed to feel like for the first time ever, lmfao. i need a focus group of neurotypicals to compare notes with. "so these barely there feelings is how you experience life all the time? it's not an extreme rollercoaster of emotion? weird." lol.

anyway that's enough of that. i did jokingly say to myself earlier "you should lose your virginty before you have to move back in with family in a month, and for the forseeable future" and i didn't think it would actually happen but then it did lol. high five to myself.

anyway if you're still reading this for whatever reason, and you relate to my anxiety/depression/adhd fun factory combo, and you haven't talked to a doctor about trying meds to help manage, i highly recommend you do. i was so against it for so long, and it took me many years to admit that i needed help. and not just that, but that i WANTED help because i was so tired of struggling every day. but it has been such a relief. it's taken over a year of trying and adjusting meds (and convincing the doc that i definitely have adhd) to get to this point, but it's been so worth it. i feel like i'm finally getting to a place where im actually able to live my life, aside from the I'm Broke factor, and i know for a fact i would be a mess without the antidepressants because i'm literally in the middle of losing everything i've worked for for the past 15+ years, including my home, literally, and yet im able to get out of bed and exist and even laugh! that absolutely would not have been the case 2 years ago. so if you need help, please don't be afraid to ask for it. it's so worth it.

strange moral lesson to end this post with but.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[cheezyharu]

responding to this

i don’t need to go on anon to be nosy about you. all of them, go (unless you’re uncomfortable with any, of course)

UH.

FUCK IT. SURE. ALL OF THEM IS UNDER CUT.

This is. Stupidly long lmao...

0: Height

1m66, around 5'4"?

1: Age

Approaching 17

2: Shoe size

Uh. 39 to 40 by Vietnamese standards. It's like... 8 in US size?

3: Do you smoke?

No.

4: Do you drink?

No, I think beer and wine sucks anyways...

5: Do you take drugs?

Outside of medical reasons, no.

6: Age you get mistaken for

Idk, I think occasionally the freshmen in my club mistook me for being in sophomore year?

7: Have tattoos?

Too big of a pussy to try that, and also I don't think I'm allowed to anyways.

8: Want any tattoos?

... I could get some sort of symbol (maybe I could design it myself) on top of my hand...

9: Got any piercings?

Too big of a pussy to try that.

10: Want any piercings?

Noooo thank you.

11: Best friend?

You @skyward-current, mst, the 4 guys(TM)...

12: Relationship status

Single, and would be happy to stay like that for a while...

13: Biggest turn ons

Like... when you yap about what you like and... the other person is just listening in. They're not annoyed or anything, just... listening. There's a certain sense of reassurance that came with it, I suppose.

14: Biggest turn offs

Those people that like... when they don't get what they want and they get physical with it... Like just, forcefully drag you to whatever they want or just... hit you or whatever.

15: Favorite movie

The last time I enjoyed an entire movie is... The Mitchells VS the Machines, I think?

16: I’ll love you if…

I don't know.

17: Someone you miss

My grandma.

18: Most traumatic experience

... Yeah we don't talk about my first bf... it's not like I remember much of those 4-ish years...

19: A fact about your personality

Uh. Idk about this one actually

20: What I hate most about myself

...

21: What I love most about myself

...... I don't know.

22: What I want to be when I get older

An artist... still wanted to be like that.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

Pretty nice, conflicts happen, but rarely, most times we're just fucking around and being silly with each other.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Good enough, I'd say.

25: My idea of a perfect date

No idea, go to the arcade and play rhythm games together I'm fine just sitting next to eachother and do fuck whatever

26: My biggest pet peeves

Strangers/people I don't know that well/someone I hate touching me, I suppose

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

In real life? Yeah there's no one atm :V

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

I can't remember, he has freckles... and really short, I think.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

I don't want to talk about it, though usually I like to keep myself as transparent as I can.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

Pop quizzes, no one likes that c'mon.

31: What my last text message says

-ye

32: What words upset me the most

Silence... like the "I'm dissapointed in you" kind.

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

I really like it when my art teacher say "Good job!" like there's a therapeutic feeling having a 50-ish Filipino man enthusiastically say "GOOD JOOOOB." to you, COMMON TESLA YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT-

34: What I find attractive in women

No idea, honestly...

35: What I find attractive in men

NO IDEA, HONESTLY

36: Where I would like to live

... Honestly, Idk, I'd be fine just... living in Vietnam, but I also wanna try living elsewhere as well...

37: One of my insecurities

My own body, I guess? Got fat shamed when I was like. 11, and I still feel a bit discontent looking at myself in the mirror

38: My childhood career choice

Artist... lol

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

CHOCOLATEEEEEEE

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

Initially I wanted to go to the arcade to play Chunithm and Maimai, but then period hit me in the ass so...

42: The last thing I ate

Pizza.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

Uh.

Um.

Jade from Honkai Star Rail? I just watched the newest trailer so...

44: A random fact about anything

Technically speaking I think I'm a miracle child? Apparently my mom nearly ran out of water (it's called Oligohydramnios?) while she was pregnant with me, and I nearly died because of it but then didn't... Yeah combine with the fact that I'm the youngest, I'm starting to see why they treated me like the golden child :V

[squishmallow36]

It's all I wish to hear tonight, and you're all I wish to be, and this is how we all fall - Chapter Two

Summary: the garvar fic has turned garvarioli! We've done a bit of a time skip because I didn't want to write the dating and the blushing and the getting to know each other blah blah blah. So now they're just in a relationship and the fact I didn't feel the need to slowburn it is astonishing to me. Anyway Garwin's gonna be joining the Neverseen officially. Yeah that's pretty much the whole plot.

Word count: 3011

TW: drug mention, murder mention, implied sex, swearing. This is the farthest into pg-13 territory I've gone but these idiots demand it.

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously @poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @remember-me-in-another-time @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes @callum-hunt-is-bisexual @xanadaus @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @arson-anarchy-death @dizzeners @thefoxysnake

The people who aren't on my taglist and I'm sorry for bothering you but you lost your minds on the last chapter so uh you did this to yourself (?): @camelspit @tw-5

On Ao3 (users only because, you know, AI) or below the cut

Previous chapter in case you missed it, but you don't really need it to read this :)

    “You know, if you ignore all the work camps, Sadlitzagvadtka is a lovely place,” Alvar remarks. 

    Ruy’s laugh drags Garwin’s attention from the bubbling Eventide River, bright green as it crashes against the rocks. 

    “I mean, you could say the same thing about the USSR,” Garwin muses. 

    “Yes, but we ignore those parallels, love. I don’t want to have to send you to the gulag.” Alvar replies, crossing one leg over the other as he takes a sip of his choyi. 

    Much like most of the foods of the non-Forbidden Cities, choyi looks nothing like how it tastes. The sludgy green slime is in a direct contrast to its strawberry lemonade milkshake flavor. Although how it doesn’t curdle is apparently “beyond human comprehension.”

    That’s just code for “we don’t know and we don’t want to admit it.” It was annoying at first, but it’s kind of become a running joke. 

    What the rest of the Neverseen doesn’t seem to grasp is that he does the same thing to them whenever he doesn’t feel like telling them about some cursed human shit. 

    They absolutely lost their shit when he told them about Twinkies. If they can’t handle apocalypse-proof snack cakes, there’s a hundred other food crimes several points higher on a logarithmic scale they won’t be able to conceptualize without their pathetic little elvin brains shattering. 

     Like pineapple on pizza. 

    Garwin can’t physically have less of an opinion, but the idea of having to explain the concept to elves makes him want to jump off a cliff. And not in the Sophie-teleportation way. 

    Hey--don’t think about that bitch. First she’s accepted into Yale with a full scholarship and now she has four abilities. Apparently she’s some sort of science experiment. I hope they transposed a decimal place. 

    “What am I in for tomorrow?” Garwin asks after a moment of silence. 

    Alvar opens his mouth, but Ruy interrupts him before he gets the chance. “Cállate, mi vida. Sharing any details would be a violation of the Neverseen code article seven, section three, ‘the council is always watching so don’t discuss confidential shit in public.’”

    “I call bullshit. You people are nowhere near organized enough to have an official code.”

    “Well, yes,” Alvar concedes. “But it’s more fun if you don’t know what’s going to happen. Besides, I’m sure Fintan has cooked up some interesting changes from when we swore fealty, so anything we tell you could be completely wrong by now.”

    “Yes, but I’m sure at least one of you have been involved in the planning,” Garwin argues. 

    “We can neither confirm nor deny that,” Ruy says, admitting his guilt. 

    Garwin rolls his eyes. I picked these dumbasses over going to a nice, normal, human, non-ivy league school ? I mean--at least there’s no finals. I guess. 

    He takes a sip of his choyi.

    “I promise it won’t be that painful,” Alvar says in an effort to remedy the situation, earning himself a glare from Ruy. 

    Garwin leans forward, head resting in his cupped hands. “And when did you become such a goody little two shoes rule follower, Exilium boy?”

    Ruy rolls his eyes behind his addler, because of course he has it on. We’re in public--well, sort of, as there literally aren’t any ogres in a hundred foot radius--and that means we’ve gotta wear the addler. 

    It’s like how Garwin also conditioned himself to wear the same sweatshirt almost every single day one school year like it’s his own personal security blanket but we don’t talk about that. 

    But now the elves have stupid capes, so that solves that problem. Even if he doesn’t have an officially licensed Neverseen cape until probably tomorrow. Unless there’s some elaborate scheme being planned. Which of course there will be. This is what happens when you take three or more gay idiots and tell them to plan something. 

    If it ain’t absolute batshit, what’s the fucking point? 

    Alvar’s smile falls as he pulls out his Imparter. He must be getting harassed once again. This is why Garwin doesn’t have one. Well, that, and the fact that he’s not a legal resident of the Lost Cities. Same thing. 

    “Y’all can see that I’m busy right now so I can’t answer a hail, right?” he says tiredly. 

    “Yes, indeed.” Garwin throws back the last of his choyi, smiling. 

    “The Fork Man wants me for some shit and I’m having a good day, so he will be getting ignored for a while. Are we really sure I can’t come out to the Bullshit?” 

    “Bullshit” is Garwin’s nickname for the Black Swan because it both represents their ideology and, at least in English, they can be abbreviated the same way. At least his pathetic short human life will be worth something, even if it is just an inside joke that’s more explanation than it’s worth. 

    “You know what Fintan’s orders are, and if you don’t wanna get burnt to a crisp, I’d recommend following them. Now, that doesn’t mean he knows what he’s doing. It’s just a matter of self preservation. I don’t make the rules around here. If I did, we’d have to replace more Councillors than just the one.”

    Alvar rolls his eyes at his Imparter. “The Fork Man is being very insistent. I have a feeling I’m gonna have to drop you two off at home and talk to him. Be prepared for some shit to be going down soon, regardless of whether or not I have a chance to share details.” He turns to his imparter, inventing new swear words just to curse at the Fork. 

    Like he said, Alvar drops Ruy and Garwin off at “home”--their assigned room at a Neverseen facility Garwin’s not allowed to know any details about--to much argument. He shan’t be allowed to have all the fun without them but alas, ‘tis the way the world works sometimes. 

    The next morning, Garwin sleepily blinks himself back to the land of the living, snuggled into the crook of Ruy’s neck, but there’s no Alvar to be found. 

    He better fucking be okay. 

    Ruy’s hand absently twirls Garwin’s hair, and when he notices that Garwin is slightly less dead to the world than usual, he smiles. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

    “It’s still morning? Damn. Guess I gotta go back to sleep. Need my beauty rest.”

    “Bitch, no amount of sleep is gonna help.”

    Garwin huffs, turning away from Ruy. “Fuck you.”

    “So soon after last night, mi amor?”

    Garwin leans back to look at him. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”     

    “Yeah.” Ruy presses a soft kiss to his lips. God damn. If you weren’t so fucking hot, J wouldn’t put up with you. Love you, Rue. 

    Garwin kisses him again, pulling him close. 

    Ruy gently pushes him back. “Finny’s gonna be pissed if we miss the prescheduled time.”

    “Fuck Finny.”

    “Look, I get that you’re polyam. I know, no shit, Sherlock. But there is no way I’m going anywhere near him or near you again if you do. Man’s got his own harem.”

    “Ooh, please do elaborate.” 

    “Let’s see…I’ve heard rumors that he and Bronte are or were a thing. Not sure if they’re still a thing though, considering the war crimes, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were. And then have you ever wondered about the alliance with the Ogres? Dimitar. Fintan. Yeah. Then there’s Fallon, one of the original three Councillors. And I’m not completely sure on this one but there’s a prisoner in Lumenaria and I’ve got mixed evidence but I don’t doubt it. Uh, then there’s J.R.R. Tolkien. You might’ve heard of him because he’s a human. And how could we forget Shakespeare. He’s…also a human. If I remember correctly. I’m sure there’s more that I’m missing because I have actively tried to ignore everything, but yeah.”

    With each name, Garwin regrets his life choices more and more. And more. “What the fuck do you mean Shakespeare? Like, the one of the William variety? The playwright?” 

    “Yeah. Sometimes Finny drops into iambic pentameter just to make us suffer. Are you really sure you want to be exposed to all of the Neverseen drama?”

    “Might gouge my eyes out but, eh, whatever. Sounds fun. If Yale doesn’t want me I guess I’ll have to cause large amounts of havoc instead.”

    Ruy smiles. “I’m going to go foraging for some semblance of a breakfast that doesn’t taste like dogshit. Don’t cause too much havoc while I’m gone.”

    “No promises.”

    Ruy shakes his head as he gets up, joints singing the song of his people--the Rice Crispy elves. 

    Garwin throws on some clothes and inhales breakfast before he’s led to a hideout he’s never seen before. 

    This one is really fucking bleak and really fucking disappointing. There’s probably tetanus on every surface of the grimy, ragged brick walls. It’s the exact kind of place where you should expect to have your body never found, but honestly if they’ve waited this long to kill him, that’s kind of their own poor planning. 

    A set of stairs leads into the even more murder-y looking abyss below. 

    Having no better options, Garwin slowly begins to make his way down without slipping on the mossy, uneven stairs and falling and bonking his head and dying. 

    At the bottom, he finds a room, larger than it seems like it should be, lit entirely by flickering, yellow candlelight. It catches on bottles of what appears to be wine set into racks every few feet or so. 

    He will never admit that this reminds him of a short story he was forced to read--and perhaps even enjoyed reading--in ninth grade English. 

    As Garwin steps closer to the middle of the room where a space has haphazardly cleared, he notices the first of many cloaked figures, white eyed lapels glowing in the dim light.

    In total, around a dozen figures surround him, and he searches for Ruy in the crowd. Well, it’s not exactly a crowd, per se, but it feels like one in the cramped space. 

    It doesn’t take much effort to find him, with his long, dark hair curling out and escaping the hood. 

    That being said, Garwin can tell who most of the figures are without trying. From Umber’s absolutely sunny disposition to Fintan’s concave ass, it’s not exactly difficult. It’s just a little dissatisfying that Alvar isn’t there.

    Fintan lowers his hood like it’s some huge reveal, whispering ominously, “Garwin Chang. You wish to join our order?”

    Garwin nods. “That’s…kind of why I’m down here. Although these wine bottles do look like they could be some fun.”

    A low, overprotective growl echoes behind him as his fingers trace the label written in fancy Trollish. One of the many, many languages not on Duolingo that no one bothered to teach him how to read. Hell, most of the time he can barely read English but that’s an issue for a different day. 

    “I trust you know you’re the first non-member of an intelligent species to join our ranks in a long while,” Fintan says. Garwin’s hand falls to his side. 

    “I wouldn’t exactly call Ruy intelligent, but okay.”

    That got a couple of snickers out of the crowd and a death glare from Ruy despite most of his face being cast in shadow. 

    “Well, you got me there. I was prepared to make a convoluted line of reasoning like I’m hopped up on a cola before all of those pesky safety regulations were introduced, but you made it for me instead.”

    Wait, is he an old man bitching about New Coke or is referring to when the recipe had cocaine? Or just…caffeine? And sugar? Any of the above interpretations are fucking hilarious, so it doesn’t matter which is true. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t an objectively best answer. 

    “The rest of the requirements are simple: do you promise to do everything in your power to help our world?”

    “Yeah, sure. Why not?” Garwin shrugs, smirking. 

    “Convince me.” Fintan’s icy gaze stares into Garwin’s soul. A threat behind his words.

    “I’ve been seeing Alvar and Ruy for months on end now. Do you really think I would go through all of that if I wasn’t committed? I could’ve blackmailed my way into a Yale scholarship long ago, but I’ve stayed. And for what? Because I almost care about this place not being a shithole. Also because there aren’t any taxes but we don’t need to mention that.”

    “Yeah, the cost of living is real fucking low when you’re mooching off of Alvar,” Ruy mutters. 

    Cállate. 

    …Holy fuck, Ruy has infected my brain. I don’t like this. How dare he keep sprinkling Spanish into everyday conversation? It’s like he wants to prove that he’s not an idiot to this human idiot because he knows, like, four words in a human language.     

    In reality, it’s because he lived in an undisclosed Spanish-speaking country during his time at Exilium and hasn’t broken the habit. But why be reasonable when you can be petty and bitter because he knows more Spanish than you do even after taking it for three years? 

    To be completely fair, he didn’t pay attention and convinced a kid to send him pictures of the homework and cheated on the tests, but in his defense, he didn’t realize he’d need it later in life. At least Google Translate exists all of its glorious inaccuracy. 

    “I bestow upon thee thou official codename: Elay.” Fintan says, bowing his head. “Alvar came up with it so don’t ask me what it means. Normally each person gets to pick out their own, but he was insistent and it’s not important enough to me to argue with him.”

    Yeah, that sounds about right. Gonna have to ask Alvar about it later. Maybe he’s avoiding me because he doesn’t want a full interrogation in the middle of this murder chamber. Yeah--let’s go with that. It’s better than imagining him in a Black Swan murder chamber. 

    Fintan takes a metal rod and heats it until it glows a faint red, bright in the dim light, knighting Garwin. And thankfully not sizzling his ears off in the process. 

    Fintan nods at a hooded figure Garwin only knows by his codename and that he’s a guster. “Trix, if you please?”

    Trix hands Garwin a bundle of dark fabric, emblazoned with a bright white eye. 

    It unfolds like the little bitch folded things always are, causing unattached pieces of concerningly neon fabric to fall to the ground. 

    As Garwin reaches to pick them up, it becomes all too clear that they’re not only bright pink and orange but also a very, very 80s leotard and legwarmers.

    What the actual everliving fuck?

    …and also maybe Fintan did mean New Coke. 

    It’s up to the stars above to decide which is a worse revelation. 

    “You know, Ruy, if you wanted me to wear this, you could’ve just asked. No need for all of this.”

    Ruy flips him off. He’s probably glare-smiling behind the hood though. 

    Garwin drapes the cloak part of the Neverseen uniform around his shoulders. It’s wonderfully heavy, like a weighted blanket, but surprisingly breathable. It’s probably made from a gnomish fabric which is weird because the gnomes hate their guts as much as plants are capable of hate. 

    And now I’ll finally be allowed to know why that is.

     The crowd begins shifting around him, escaping slowly up the narrow steps and light leaping away to god knows where, and soon only Ruy and Garwin are left. 

    “I got an update from Alvar,” Ruy smiles mischievously. “This should be a fun first assignment for you.”

     No fewer than three light leaps later, Garwin is in the Lodestar system, standing in front of a blonde boy with ice blue eyes. He’s immediately recognizable from Alvar’s stash of pictures he keeps to pretend like he’s still connected to his family. 

    He also knows Sophie, a regrettable decision. 

    “Meet our new son: Keefe,” Alvar says, mussing his hair. 

    Keefe flinches away. “Bitch, I’m literally only, like, six years younger than you,” he complains. “Also hasn’t my dad fucked your dad?” He puts air quotes around both uses of “Dad.” Fun family dynamic and it hasn’t even been five minutes yet. 

    “I do believe I was the one who told you about that.” Alvar turns to Ruy and Garwin. “I’ll take first shift babysitting.”

    “Nonsense. I don’t trust Garwin nearly enough to be by himself and you’ve been up all night causing problems and destroying half of Ravagog--”

    “--which is a perfectly normal way to spend an evening, thank you very much.”

    “--so you will be going home and you will take a nap. I’ll make sure Blondie here doesn’t have any tricks up his sleeve.”

    There’s a glint on Alvar’s eye that looks like he wants to argue, but a yawn cuts him off before he gets the chance. 

    Garwin almost has to physically drag him back home, partially from him being tired and partially from him not wanting to go to bed because some days he acts like a toddler. 

    “Sorry I couldn’t be at your coronation today.”

    Garwin kisses his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure sooner or later, Ruy’s gonna end up doing a whole reenactment except I actually get walled into the wine cellar this time.”

    Alvar laughs halfheartedly. 

    “And, besides. It’s not like it’s gonna change much. Do I still hate the elvin government? Yes. Is the Bullshit still a bunch of useless dumbasses? Yes. Are you still going to tell me shit that’s way above my pay grade? Abso-fucking-lutely. It’s just now I don’t have to steal your cape when it’s cold out. But I will anyway for old times’ sake.” 

    “Unmapped stars, you’re such a little shit.”

    Well, if you can’t make your boyfriend regret being with you, what’s the fucking point? 

  “And yet you’ve repeatedly chosen to not leave me to die in the middle of the neutral territories. So who’s the real winner here?”

    Alvar sighs, shaking his head. 

    God damn, he’s cute when he’s annoyed. 

[kuramirocket]

Okay, so I finally watched Across The Spiderverse and I have at least 2 hot takes that will get me hated and cancelled, probably lol.

The first one is that I really disliked the animation for this movie. Idk, about everyone else, but I felt the animation was too fast paced, colorful, weird and confusing. It was pretty eye straining which I did not like at all. That and coupled with the characters talking really rapidly, it didn't mix well with the animation at all, if you ask me. Anyone else feel the eyestrain was real for this film?

Anyways, for this film I was most excited about Miguel O'Hara because half Mexican! I was hoping for, but from the trailers, honestly not holding my breath for some good representation. Because of this I'm weary of the film and where the sequel will head.

Like it's really great to see more Mexican characters, but I feel that this itself is the problem. It seems like Miguel is written in a way to be a morally grey character and in a way that he will be seen as a villain by the majority of the viewers. Now, I haven't really looked at the fandom because of spoilers, but from the little I I've seen, it's either you hate him because of his behavior and views or you you love him because he's hot. At least, these seem to be the two extremes. Now, as an indigenous Mexican myself, I hate how Mexican characters are portrayed stereotypically in films and/or are only shoved into grey areas/antagonistic roles. It's very tiring to see. Atsv has great Afro Latino representation, sure, but with Miguel it feels really iffy to me. Idk. Miguel just seems to have this negative air to him and not just because of the loss and pain he's lived through and experiences that has led him to behave the way he does and see the world as he sees it. I just don't want more Mexican characters who are 'mean,' or seen as villains, or just portrayed as being wrong, you know.

This is why I'm very weary of the sequel and not holding my breath either like I said.

Looking at how Gwen's father renounced from the police force, I imagine this means it's likely he won't die because he's no longer Captain. So, it seems that this is foreshadowing and indication that in the next movie, Miles will prove Miguel wrong that things aren't set in stone - and his dad will not die and he will save him. I feel like this is pretty tropey and I honestly hope this isn't the case. Don't get me wrong. I do love the messages and themes of saying fck you to fate and making your own destiny and changing things for the better and forging your own destiny, BUT for this franchise; I actually want to see the morally grey character who is seen as a villain and wrong by the viewers and who is cold because of his experiences to actually be right about things no matter how fcked up and tragic it is. Like give me THIS plot twist for once. Let Miguel be right. Lol. Though, I doubt this will happen and will be too dark.

Also, don't get me wrong (again) there's nothing wrong with morally grey characters and this does bring a lot of great complexity to them (which a lot of people don't understand or still dislike and hate them either way which isn't bad per say, people are entitled to their opinions) but again, shoving Mexican characters into morally grey areas [sacrificing one life for the many - and really all the cruel things Miguel said to Miles despite his anger stemming from his experiences and wanting to save the multiverse from collapsing and what not], shoving Mexican characters into villain/antagonistic roles (looking at Black Panther's Namor), is again, tiring to see so many times happens (e.g. especially with the stereotypical drug dealer/criminal roles that just happen again and again). Idk if this makes sense? I really hope it does because this topic of the portrayal of Mexican characters is really important to me.

And honestly me and other Mexicans shouldn't have to settle for any fictional Mexican characters we can get.

I'm not saying the writers are bad people or with malicious intent or anything, but again Miguel's characterization just comes across as iffy to me especially since he serves as representation to me, to Mexicans.

Idk. Thoughts?