#anyway true yea thats them such a good thought of urs

[princemick]

“I had a dream about you. We were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want.

You said: Tell me about your books, your visions made of flesh and light and I said: This is the Moon. This is the Sun.

Let me name all the stars for you.”

— seb and lewis in their lover era

u sending me this w no context on a random monday night when u dont reply to my text is why we work but also, r we marge and homer?

[choccy-milky]

Their kids are so cute omg i'm gonna dir of adorableness

lewis: then die LMFAOO NO BUT FRR THANK UU IM GLAD U THINK SO🥹🥹💖💖💖all the love for them (esp lewis) gave me the idea to draw him deflecting all the attention so ty for giving me the excuse to post it....we luv our aloof distant boi🥰

its funny bc i was JUST talking about this recently, but i dont like pet names at all BAHAH, hence why seb and clora dont call each other anything, not even nicknames.... seb calls her the light/princess/a bird sometimes as playful and teasing jokes, but doesnt actually address her like that. and clora always calls sebastian by his full name as well, bc i was basing her dialogue/my writing off the game dialogue...bc for as close as anne and ominis are to seb, both of THEM call him sebastian in full, so maybe it was a victorian thing that nicknames werent really common? plus clora's so proper that it just feels like its in her personality to always call seb "sebastian"... i feel like if she ever DID call him "seb" he'd do a double take and be like ...HUH? who are you???......are you polyjuiced? LMAO. i do imagine seb calling clora "love" when they get older tho (not in hogwarts) bc i like how simple it is, and imagining him saying stuff like 'careful, love' makes me🫠🫠🫠🫠

aw TYY💖💖 honestly i didnt give the victorian setting TOO much thought, other than making clora more modest/not used to wearing trousers etc. like the actual victorian courting process was that youd ALWAYS be chaperoned by at least 1 other person and you wouldnt be able to kiss or anything, so the fact that our mcs are in a co-ed school with free reign already ruins that, so i wouldnt worry too much about it. a lot of it you can just wave off with the excuse that wizard society is more advanced than muggle society, which is true anyway LOL. i just kept the parts that i thought were fun/made it feel victorian ENOUGH but got rid of the stuff that was too annoying (one big example being the amount of clothing they wear....i said it in the notes for one of my chapters, but i wasnt about to make seb go through like 5 different layers just to touch cloras titty LMFAO) and no i didnt have 1 specific website i used, id just google "blank in victorian times" and look through all the articles and resources i could on that subject, and take little bits of it. SO YEA i wouldnt worry about it too much, just take what you want if you think it could enrich your story, and leave stuff out if its annoying to deal with BHAHA. and GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!💖💖

BAHAHA yeah sebs bark was defs bigger than his bite when it came to actually having kids/getting clora pregnant LOL. he defs loves the pregnancy part, but i feel like seeing her go through the actual labour was super hard on him/made him feel guilty bc he hates to see her in pain, let alone bc of HIM. not to mention that i imagine he would still work even once they have kids, so to leave clora with like 6 kids by herself isnt something he would have wanted to do LOL. once both lewis and celeste are in hogwarts tho i actually imagine seb and clora still doing curse breaking as well (albeit less dangerous jobs/not as far away) BUT YES having a third kid that looks like seb and is sassy like anne would be SO CUTEEE...a happy accident is a good idea too, tho i kinda like the idea of it being cloras idea.....like, she gets baby fever again now that the kids are kinda growing up and sebs like no i dont wanna put u through that again... but obvs seb wouldnt be able to resist if clora was begging seb to put a baby in her LMFAOOO its already as good as done at that point😇😇 AND THANK YOU, and im glad you liked it!!!🥹💖💖💖

@the-kcm-muggleborn AWWW ur right thats so pretty.....ty for showing me!!🥹and im glad it make you think of clora...SHE WOULD APPROVE OF THESE STUDIES👌⭐🌙

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Chris and I- bringing our Baby home for the first time

18+ just in case ALL FLUFF (slight mention of parent death) bringing baby home from being born choose ur own Chris (its an AU) COMMENTS & REBLOGS APPRECIATED no permission to repost republish or tralnslate.

"Chris why are you driving so slow?" I'm with our baby in the back while he's driving the Audi, (always my favorite car)

"Because"

"Yea but hon it's our private road my baby's gunna turn three before we get to the house."

"Um excuse me its our Baby"

"Sure let's just so with that." I playfully roll my eyes and see Chris pout in the rear view mirror.

"That's not funny you know how long I've wanted a family for."

"I do and I'm sorry." I pause for a few second. "Actually I'm not because you're taking forever and I am in desperate need of a bath and she is going to need to be changed soon and you should get rest. Because I am not letting her cry herself to sleep. A d-"

"You think I'd do that? Hell no."

"Good because I'm not going to be the only one getting up so if you can increase to may at least 10 miles an hour. I'd appreciate it."

"Fine. "

"Dare I even ask for 30?" I flirty teases.

"Don't push it." His lip curls a bit.

My phone dings

"Oooo"

What?

"Scott left us cheesecake in the fridge and your mother will be bringing us dinner! God I love your family."

My tears well up

"I know. I'm sorry hon. I'm sure your mother would've loved to be here but I know she's watching over us. "

"I know I just....."

"Hey it's ok you've got my family and they love you more than me so"

I laugh

"It's gunna be weird without dodger there but I can't wait until he gets to meet his baby sister." I changed the topic in a dime-I know. And I know Chris knows I did that on purpose- it's too painful to talk about right now; especially with emotions all over the place.

"I'm glad everyone understood we wanted some alone time."

"Well it was that or we leave them on a porch to freeze."

"Oh my sweet little one you have no idea how much you're loved." I caress her cheek.

"Oh she knows did you see how much she loved people. Who visited her she drank it up."

"Oh I saw. I'm glad she has a big family who loves her. She's so beautiful."

"Just like her mama."

"Chris."

"What? Its true. She is practically your mini me. Franky I'm thrilled I was terrified."

"Yea gorgeous sexy actor who'd want to look like-"

"You do remember those scene where I had to dress up like a woman."

"Good point I'm still traumatized."

"We all were" he laughs

"Chris did we move at all?"

"Yes I'm getting there. Relax."

"Well she gunna be hungrey I know and you know I know when she is gunna get hungrey."

"And exactly how is that."

"Mommys intuition."

"I want daddy's intuition" he pouted

Oh thats easy see carry the child for 9 months and push them out through-"

"Ok ok I was there I don't need to relive it."

"You asked. We almost there I wanna cuddle. Honey we have plen-"

"Who said you I wanna cuddle with my baby girl."

"Me too."

"Well you know how we solve that?"

"No."

"We all cuddle together. Wait you seriously didn't think of that?"

"Hon I am just focused on the road."

"Chris you realized if you go to 30 miles we would've been there 5 minutes ago. Especially since Mama here is getting Hangrey" I cross my arms.

"Ok good point."

Within 2 minutes were back at home.

Chris and I unlock the carrier I go to get out he tells me to wait. He get the car seat/carrier he puts her down on the porch and we can see her from where we are.

"You left our child alone? I look at him with" widened eyes.

He pauses in mid movement not sure what to do or say

"I'm just kidding we can see her from here but hon I can walk by myself."

"I just want to help."

"Nothing I say will change things will it?"

"Nope."

"Worth a try. Anyway. Alright go. She needs to eat I want to sleep and you are on diper duty."

"Got it."

That was easier than I thought," I thought.

"Mother knows best." He replies

"How the hell do you know what I was thinking."

"Because we are that in sync."

"I had that inadvertent smirk on my face going didnt I?"

"Yes."

Before we bring her in he opens the door and goes inside for a moment. Then he comes back out.

He won't let me bend down to pick up the carrier so he picks her up but he are holding both sides of the carrier as we walk in together. Thankfully he has huge doors.

"Home sweet home baby girl."

We get the tiniest tiniest yawn.

"That was the cutest thing ever awww."

"I got it all on film baby."

"What?"

I put my camera to record this. So I can send it to everyone.

Can you not send it to everyone on your acting friends list, that didn't go over well like anytime but just to our close close friends and family I don't trust everyone and its my baby and I-"

"I know I know calm down mama bear. I already have a baby list and got NDAs."

Ok so he's even more paranoid than me.

There was a moment of silence.

"Chris."

"Yea

"What do we do first with her?"

he pauses

"I dont know."

"She's sleeping I dont want to take her out of her carrier."

"Me either dont wake a sleeping baby. We leave her on the floor and get changed?"

"I guess"

Were besides ourselves but we change and we sit on the floor and just stare at her.

"She's still asleep how is this possible"

"I don't know."

"We must have the most perfect baby ever- look at her sweet little breaths."

We stare at her, intensly for a while longer ok, for a lot while longer. He keeps trying to take his phone out. I put my hands over his. I mean after the 200th photo we can give it a rest and just take it in.

Chris mom, who has a key, had came and knocked with her finger to get our attention

"Why is she still in her carrier?"

"She's still sleeping."

"I dont want to wake her. I know she's gunna be hungrey and you know when she wakes up but I can't I can't help it. She's so."

We don't want to miss anything.

Ok you two how about you get some sleep and let grandma take care of her

Me and Chris both pout

Now go. You two sleep while you can.

Chris helps me up why I don't know. But he does and we crawl into bed and cuddle up and I fall asleep in his arms the next thing I know his mother is gently waking me, telling me she's hungrey.

Our sweet angel is brought in to me and Chris wakes up a second before she's brought into me.. she grabs onto my finger as she feeds.

“I love you” he kissed my temple

“I know.”

He kisses her head and she gives him the dirtiest look.

I let out a huge laugh.

"You're just like mama" he boops her nose which does nothing to dispell her dirty look.

"Mommy doesn't like to be disturbed when she's eating either."

"Ignore daddy" her eyes turn back to me, turning soft, "hes crazy."

"She likes you better."

"Baby im sure its just cause she loves food and I'm her only source. And she doesn't like me better its just baby moods." I don't know if that’s a thing but its worth a shot to comfort Chris.

"I know she loves you too. She made grabbed hands towards you before she fell asleep."

"Really."

"Yea. Right my little angel you love daddy too."

We turn on the TV low and Chris put on C-span.

"One way to get her to sleep. But maybe save c-span for night time. Put on a movie."

"Which one?”

“I don't know."

We finally settle on Disney's Snow White and not soon after she finishes eating and fals right back asleep. I hold her as Chris puts one arm around me and one arm around the baby.

His mother comes in without us realizing and apprently took a few pictures before she told us to say cheese.

"I'm tired"

"Sleep my love."

"We should put her down in her crib first I wanna do it together its the first time." I pout. So I'm exhausted I'm barely able to make it to her nursery but I'm determined for us to do this as a family. We gently placed her in the crib And Chris is apprently a master at hiding camera because he got the whole thing on film. We placed her in her crib and

and back before I'm out like a light. Chris later told me he held me while watching the baby monitor like a hawk until he fell asleep. I mean she's safe and were home and safe. Theres nothing I need more than what I have right now, snuggling into my husband the perfect first time home.

Ok sure she woke up up for feedings (which Chris got up to get her, and diaper changes and swaddling but she's a baby they do that but she's still a perfect baby... our baby... mine and Chris' perfect baby

Tag list

@sapphire-rogers @nana1000night @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @sparklybarbarianninja

[relaxxattack]

hwy so i saw ur poll ab arasol and f they were matesprits or not and ive been into homestuck for about 7 years and its a special interest and im autistic and thwy are my first and tbh only otp anf so if this is ok i wld like to infodump my opinion/hcs ab them bc i just 🥰 i love them sm 🥰 (def not frothing at the mouth at the idea of an audience for my opinions bc everyone irl is sikc of me lmao /lh)

ok so i deffo think they ar e matesprits BUT i think they never liie. clearly confirmwd it while aradia was alive. and once she became ghost aradia i think she got so distant and aloof (i think thats the right word?) about everytuing that it made sollux feel like she disnt love him anymore, and he eventually just had to move on, even thouvh it hurt. and feferi was there, not necessarily as a "rebound" but as a shoulder to cry on. someone for sollux to confide in, and to listen to him because he didnt have anyonw else he felt like woild. and i feel like feferi was def nto him and wanted to be his matesprit but i think sollux wasnt really. and i think they developed a kind of mixed/blurred lines relationship and the whole ghost and aradiabot phases pushed him and aradia furhter apart because aradia was dealinf wth so so much and in turn sollux was dealinf with the loss of his presumed (unofficial, wtv) matesprit, because that wasnt the aradia he knew and had fallen in love with. the ghost thing wasnt a bother - he loved her, not her physical form - it was the personality shift, i think.

and so when she reached god tier and regained her body nd her sense of identity, ithink they started to rekindle what they had nefore, if that makes sense? like aradia was his aradia again, an aradia interested in life and adventuee and archaeology and not this stupid, stupid game and suddenly not everything felt like it was collapsing around him and he felt like things could be okay again. and she helped him and he helped her and together they did make thinfs okay again. with each other.

and i think aradia's living>ghost>aradiabot>godtier timeline is a good allegory for depression and how it can absolutely shatter your sense of self and strip your world of colour and how that can make you push people away and self isolate and whatnot. idk thats just how i see it but :3 yea

i havet checkwd out the epilogues or homestuck^2 btw so this is based solely off of andrew hussie's homestuck bc i love it sososo much anyways yea !!!! tysm if anybody took the time to read this i love u all!! and ty for letting me drop this in ur askbox lolz and yea :3 srry if this isnt v comprehensive i just got off an 8hr closing shift at work lmao <3

this is a REALLY good analysis and i really love it, thank you for sharing! this makes complete sense to me.

aradia's depression being the catalyst for their split is very true! especially since she then sort of broke his trust with the whole sgrub thing-- and before that interacting with her was hard because sollux felt so guilty about what he did to her. it's just sad on all accounts, and i'm glad they both got better

honestly my poll was more to ask the question; "so we all agree that aradia and sollux were matesprits right because they do NOT act like moirails lol but it's funny because if they're matesprits that makes the feferi business weirder", but i don't think it came across in the post correctly, pfft

yes i definitely agree that they were matesprits, and also the idea that feferi was more into sollux than he was her is a really interesting one-- i also wonder if maybe feferi was maybe less into sollux than she thought, herself-- it's possible she threw herself into that relationship because she was just so relieved to be finally cut off from eridan and "allowed" to have relationships like that. but that's just my thought!

at the end of the day they're all just kids trying stuff out and it's kind of adorable and not that serious. i'm an arasoler at heart but there's nothing wrong with solfef either

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 

hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie

↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc

u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy

u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news

u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him

u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks

one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in

ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated

ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together

ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together

u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him

“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?” 

ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing

ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u

“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”

baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u

“i’m five and a half months.” 

fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop

u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where

ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out

“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”

u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place

he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound

u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks

he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek

u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side

“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”

ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,

ur both nervous and cautious around each other

at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together

hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning

he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺

“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”

ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk

around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer

he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣

he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought

hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together

also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami

(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)

something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^

he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy

it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home

ofc u were crying

a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(

u explain n hiccup while doing so

hes so s o f t at this moment

he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—

he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses

“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”

enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n

spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby

u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like

“ow,, fuck that hurt.”

“hey don’t swear around the baby!”

u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often

kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses

hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that  ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝

yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??

well kkami was on it 

baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin

u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P

newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg

“it feels gross.”

ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out

he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind

last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes

though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts

hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary

hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction

“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”

ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark

u do not want to be t o u c h e d

touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u

hyunjin just sits there

hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall

hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(

hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺

yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again

he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong

“i— it feels like i have to push.”

he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors

they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position

hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO

yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look

like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy

here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin

“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”

his lil puppy baby boy 🥺

he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head

it was kinda creepy how similar they looked

anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different

u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺

“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”

he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly

“yea, we do.”

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[legobatjoker]

okay so the thing is obvs carmen is good but like even if she wasnt w the way julia is genrally ignored thru s1-3 by either chase or acme and carmen like acutally cares abt nd listenes to her if carmen was evil but julia went "villian arc time" nd decided to help her anyway i honestly wldbt blame her FHSJCHSHD (sendin this again just incase it didnt go thru last time bc i think it might not have)

(Addin onto my last ask) but also like the thing i luv abt carm + jules dynamic is that carmen IS good and like for the most part ppl dont rly see that esp acme but julia DOES nd she believes that carmen is good no matter what acme says 2 the point of quitting acme bc theyre so set on catching carmen nd carmen listenes to julia and appreciates her even when acme doesnt and like even after stolkholme she still trusts her and like even w things like carm listenin 2 julia talk abt history a (1/2)

A bit on the train nd them both having a mutual intrest in that its jus rly clear to me that they both understand each other more than other ppl do nd they have a mutual appretiation n trust in each other no matter what n even when others dont and i feel like i cld talk abt this 5ever nd sorry for kinda doin that in ur inbox FHDJD but yea thats part of why i luv carulia sm nd like i think appreciatin each other even/esp when other dont is my fave ship trope (which is also y i luv [ship] sm) (2/2)

WAITi never thought of it this way before this is so fuckingnfnfnh true...... carm is just like.. there 2 listen and be interested in what julis says and in julia where everyone else just like “listen ur here to be smart not anything else:/“ and like.. ughh they get each other !! they get each other tt-tt

[ydolanssss]

A hood love story: G.D

Warnings: violence, sexual innuendos, a lot of cursing.

Pairing: Grayson Dolan X female reader.

Summary: bottom line is... remember where tf you came from.

-------------------------------------------------

Friday night lights.....most basic ass idea for a football game.

Just a whole shit-ton of rich ass white kids, acting like they hard when in actuality they have no awareness of anything outside of thier little gated community.

They weren't aware of the situation Grayson was in.

They either villainize him and where he's from, Or they romanticize where he's from. Either way they never talk to him.

They talk to ethan though, because unlike his brother he decided to just forget who he was and where he came from...that including his brother.

But you didn't think like them, you didn't treat people differently because of where they come from, or where they live. So you became friends with gray, best friends, and y'all were together all the time.

"hey gray you tryna go to the game today? You asked leaning on the locker next to his.

"there's a game?"

"yea against the cougars, you wanna go?"

"....mmm" gray never really went to any school event because well...he was kind of a loner, you didn't blame him tho.

"pleeeeeaaaseee, gray can we?" You asked with pleading eyes, and a quivering pouty lip.

"...fine"

"YESSIRRR, let's goo" you shouted, and skipped to class.

You went through the next couple of classes pretty quickly, went home, did some homework and waited for Grayson to come over.

"when you coming over hoe"

"I'm already outside, come on"

You run outside lock the door, hop in the car and head back to the school. The game had already started, but no one had scored yet. You and gray sit on the bleachers, and eat some popcorn.

"who you think finna win?" Gray said shoving food in his mouth. "I don't know, but prolly not our school, they haven't won a game in like...ever."

"true true" gray nodding in agreement untill his phone starts ringing. "Ayo hold up I gotta take this."

"hmm oh okay, I'll stay here" reassuring him. He walks to the back of the bleachers, "yo, wassup?"

*Anonymous* "Ayo when I see you, you getting lit tf up".

"Whoa, what? Who is this?" Gray asked confused as too who was tryna kill him.

"you know who this is lil bruh, it's daymen, oscars brother. You stole some shit from him the other day, and gave it to ya lil rich ass friends."

"what? Rich ass friends? Ion got no rich ass friends."

"okay okay, so you gon lie to me now huh?, Alright look, bring my lil brother his money or you getting lit tf up, and I take ya lil bitch for myself. You know the fine one, wit the braids."

"Don't you fuckin touch her."

Meanwhile you on the bleachers

"bitch what the fuck are you talking about?" Looking at claire and her lil posse.

"you know what I'm talking about, how long you been fucking my boyfriend."

"claire....who's your boyfriend?" You ask genuinely curious, because you do not keep tabs on miss bam-ba-lam-my-cars-a-hundred-grand.

"Grayson is duh." Because apperently that was common knowledge.

"g-grayson, Grayson Dolan the brother of Ethan Dolan, correct, just to make sure, Grayson with a "a" and a "o" not a I or a E. That Grayson?" Ya know...just to be clear.

"yes that Grayson, god are you dense?!"

"Oh no ma'am very much I am not, because the only grayson i know, don't fuck with bitches like you. Oh hell no, cuz yall don't fuck with people like him. And out of the mother fucking blue, he's your man, sweet-pea, i-is that what you telling me?" Because miss ma'am got you fucked alllll the way up.

"oh really how are you gonna tell me who I'm dating, I had sex with and who stole weed for me?" You pause....

"bruh what? Ugh now I know you tripping because Grayson don't fucking smo-"

"Aye, come on! Games boring anyway." Grayson yells from the bottom of the bleachers.

"alrighty well, miss. Thing I don't know what to tell you. Gods speed finding your Grayson because mine don't smoke." You picked up your things and walked with gray back to the car.

"hey what was the call about?" You asked

"huh? Oh it's was just my mom asking how long we were gonna stay at the game, I told her for the next hour so we could go do something else." He said.

You notice he kept looking around a lot, like he's was paranoid, waiting for something to happen.

"gray you good? You keep looking around, what's wrong?" You out ur hand on his shoulder concerned.

"huh?! Ohh nothing nothing let's go, come on"

He drags you to the car, and open the door for you, and he gets in the driver's side and drives off.

"ok I guess, um whatcha wanna do, wanna go to the park, or that on abandoned house that has a perfect view of the sunset, or ice cream, or ice cream and sunset. You looked at him, lip pouting head turn to the side, waiting for answer.

"uhh...ice cream only I wanna get you home okay?" He sighs, hands gripping the wheel tight as hell.

"umm what no I don't wan-"

"No! I have to get you home. I just, I just do, okay? Please I'm sorry for yelling come here." As you two pull in to the ice cream parlor's parking lot.

You lean in and he kisses you on your forehead, " I just need to be safe okay, it's late I don't want you out at night okay?"

"what? What do you mean I'm with you?"

He walks to your side of the car to open the door, "I know but....you cant be around me now at night at least it's not safe." After you get out he walks to the counter and tells you the get a table, you stand puzzled for a bit but you go anyway.

when he gets back with two oreo milkshakes, you ask him, "gray wait why isn't it safe? Why can't I be around you? What going on?." You ask frantic, worried your friend is in some sort of trouble.

"just because you can't don't- who is that?"

He asks leaned down a little.

"who is who? You turn around, and see a car speeding towards you both." Gray grabs your arm and pulls you down.

"GET DOWN! GO RUN BACK TO THE CAR!"

You do, you get to the car get inside and lean down, then you hear gun shots fire.

*bow bow bow bow*

The car skids off and everything is quiet, you look up and you see Grayson laid out on the ground. "oh my god...".

You get out hesitantly walking towards his body, "g-gray...baby, please oh God please no, god don't tell me he's gone" tears streaming down your face, you can't bare to walk any closer, and you drop to your knees and sob.

"no..please not my best friend." As the smoke clears you say this, the sun is setting in the background, it's a somber feeling somehow you feel safe and sad at the same time, while in that same moment your best friend, very much could be breathing his last breaths.

Then, like the miracle baby he is, Grayson wakes up, with a hell of pain in his shoulder. "Wha-? Ohh fuck my shoulder, holy shit, wait where's? Hey, hey, pretty girl why you crying?" He asks litterally sitting up looking at you holding his shoulder.

You stop crying, eyes shoot open. "Wha- GRAY!!" you run over and hug him, crying.

"i-i thought you were dead, *sniff* you were-*sniff* laying there not moving." Say sobbing into his shoulder.

He holds you with his good arm, "shh shh, it's ok, I'm not dead baby, I'm right here, I'm bleeding out of my shoulder and I should probably go to the hospital, but im not dead." His head sitting on top of yours

"oh shit, yea okay let's go." You help him to the car and start driving, you drop him off at the hospital and tell him you're gonna go take care of something.

You get back in your car and drive to a harbor, you then park and start disassembling his gun.

"god...I don't even know why he has this thing, granted he did get shot at but for fucks sake." You mumbled to yourself.

You speed back to the hospital,the doctors tell you he already out of surgery and he's doing fine, and they tell you his room number.

You walk back to his room. "Hey...Grayson baby, you okay?" You whisper not wanting to scare him.

"hmm? Oh yea hey come in." He's sitting up in bed both of his arms in slings. "Can you do me a favors and grab my juice box?"

You look on his tray and there's a little apple juice, juice box on it. "Oh yea sure sweetie." You poke the straw through the hole and hold it up to his mouth.

"Thank you."

"your welcome lovie." The doctor came in. "Ah, I see your already on it, that's good, very sweet of you." You look at him confused.

"um care to explain sir, or am I slow."

He chuckles, "my apologies, um since your friend, I'm assuming has two bad shoulder that have made him unable to move his arms at all he will need around the clock assistance."

You set down the juice box that he basically breathed in. "What do you mean both shoulders I thought he only got shot in one?"

"oh he did but his other shoulder is slightly sprained it's should heal up in a around 2 and a half weeks, while the other shoulder should take at most 4, but normally three. So due to his situation, his arm mobility is hindered untill a later date." He says with his arms crossed over his clip board.

You sit next to gray and look at him, "well I'm down, it's not like we don't spend every single second with each anyway." Gray laughs, "yea I guess thats true."

The doctors clear him and you help him get dressed but since it was late you threw a hoodie on him since there was no use for the sleeves.

You both get in the car and drive to your house, "come on gray we gotta get you to sleep." You tap and rub his tummy to wake him.

You get him up and walk up stairs to your bathroom. "Ok lemme brush your teeth." You sit on the sink and brush for him.

"okay that's done. Um alright it's 2 am ur tired I'm tired we can do the rest tomorrow okay?" You ask Grayson who's barley keeping his eyes open. "Okayyy." He says yawning.

"all right let's go to bed." You walk him over to the side of the bed and help him sit down.

" all right be careful and don't drop all the way down be careful not to lose your- oh fuck!"

You both lost your balance and fell on the bed, your on top of him millimeters away from his face. You never really looked at Grayson that way, never really looked at his eyes, dark as the ocean pulling you deeper and deeper to the point where you don't care if you drown.

Or his lips, they look so soft and smooth, if you were to kiss them it would feel like silk pillows. His lips..."oh fuck his lips."

Grayson catches your eyes staring at his lips and he sits up. "My lips baby, hmm that what you want?" You both sitting up on the bed. "Where? Your neck, cheek?" He drags his nose up the side of your neck to your ear.

"or that pretty little pussy?"

You gasp and get up off of him. "Um okay time to go to bed for real this time. Uh you good? you okay? Need any thing?"

"uh nah, nah I'm good. I guess...I'm laying flat then?" You turn to look at him.

"um yea I think that would be best."

You both start to relax and go to sleep.

"hey gray? I gotta ask you something, you know what's up with clair because she came up to me claiming I'm fucking her boyfriend, who's apperently you and also you stole some weed for her and that just dosent make sense to me."

He jerks his head to look at you "wait what!? When?"

"when you left to answer the phone she said your her boyfriend and she would know the person's she's been fucking and the guy who stole weed for her."

"so that's why- ughh fucking ethan."

"what? What about him? And what was that phone call about?"

He sighed "okay so I got a phone call from this guy named daemin, and I guess he thinks I stole weed from his little brother oscar, and I guess he's been watching me or something he said if I don't get his money he'll light my ass up and he'd go for my lil bitch himself, the one with the braids."

"oh shit so it was Ethan who stole the weed and prolly gave that guy your number, and prolly claimed he was you...now what the fuck wrong with claire?"

"Claire don't know that theres two of us and she don't talk to people he's friends with so he probably lied to her to."

Laying there in shock you think to yourself. "What kinda fucked up shit you got going on to lie about your whole identity and pretend to be your twin brother that you treat like shit?"

"ion know ask him."

You said it outloud.... again. "Oh shit my bad. But I will actually."

"what? No don't-"

"no gray this shit is crazy. YOU GOT SHOT! I'm not gonna let him get away with that shit gray! Now go to bed."

He sighs and closes his eyes.

——————————————————————

Next morning comes around. You wake up early to make grays' breakfast. A protein shake with some greek yogurt mixed with fruit.

You go back upstairs and he's awake.

"hey boo sorry to keep you waiting. I was making your breakfast. Need help?"

"yeth please."

"okay silly, sit up, legs out, and stand up on three okay? One, two, three...theeeere we go."

You walk over to the bathroom. Brush his teeth, wash his face and...help him pee.

"okay so how do you wanna do this gray?"

"umm you could hold it? If you wanna."

"seriously grayson. But that's like-"

"look your gonna have to bathe me at one point within these three weeks so like might as well get used to it."

"mm true, gosh okay."

You pull his pants down quickly trying to get this over with as soon as possible.

"okay so do I just like h-hold it or something? Or like do I just let it hang there?"

"no no you got to hold it bro otherwise I'll piss on myself then you have to change my pants and my underwear and wipe my legs down."

"ewww... Okay okay I guess this is better. Um sorry if my hands are cold."

"your all good."

"speaking of shower, let's just get that out the way because you haven't showered in a brick."

He sighs "alright"

You help him get his clothes off and turn on the shower.

"alright hop in big dic- oop- I mean big head." You giggle to yourself.

"ouu ok baby, oh and just for pure curiosity, which head?"

You slowly turn to him. "The one that made you think of that dumbass question, goofy get in, naughty ass."

"okay! Okay! Shit you the naughty one." Said with a smirk followed by a failed and painful attempt to slap your ass.

"ow! Ow! Fuck my shoulder!"

"and that's what ya get, hop in." You say giving him a pinch on the ass.

"what a nice butt, good for you!"

"thank you queen." He smiles

"your welcome king." And proceed to bathe him

-------------------------------------------------

A couple hours later you left Grayson at home with him and a tv and left out all the snacks on the counter at a reachable level, whole you went out and....handle some business.

On the phone: "hey, meet me at the bleachers okay I need to talk to you about something."

"uh yea sure I'll be there."

A couple hours later, your sitting on the bleachers with the cold New Jersey air, causing your nose to become ice cold.

"hey." You jumped.

"oh shit! Oh hey sorry you scared me."

"ha, yea um sorry about that, so what did you wanna talk about?"

Now to most that seems like a very obvious question, it'd go something like 'hey why the fuck did you lie about your identity and completely drop your twin fucking brother'. Right? No.

The problem is you and Ethan have history, which also adds to the reason why your a lot closer to gray than Ethan and was like the breaking point of Ethan and Grayson relationship.

Basically in freshman year of highschool you and Ethan....dated?? Well no you did date but...it was shorted lived because he decided to cheat...on you. Crazy right? I know. And you'll never guess who he cheated on you with.....Claire!!! Isn't that amazing, what a coincidence.

So the day you found out was kinda intense.....

"What is wrong with you!"

"Why would you do that to her!"

"As long as we've know her!"

"Huh Ethan! What's the matter with you! Who raised you! It wasn't ma! I most definitely wasn't dad!"

Grayson being the lovely, kind, understanding soul that he is decided to give Ethan a piece of his mind after consoling you in the living room.

"Jesus Grayson! It wasn't even that bad!"

With his hands on his hips, mouth ajar and eyes bugging out of his head.

"you've gotta be shitting me. You made out with the bitch ON SNAPCHAT! THEY GOT YOU IN 4K BRO! What do you mean it isn't that bad!"

"look why does it bother you so much? Like it's not your relationship. It's mine."

"Because your my brother and I love you and I love her to, I want her to be loved and appreciated the way she deserves, and I expected better from you, I never thought, my brother, a fucking scumbag of a man. Had the audacity to cheat on his girl. I guess I stand fucking corrected."

They sit in silence for a while. Your in the living room nervous because you've seen them fight of course but, never this heated.

"well if you love so damn much you be with her, I don't fucking want her if there's gonna be this much drama."

Time for you to get angry.

"First of all motherfucker you cheated! Don't you fucking switch this around on me."

Grayson stands in front of you, tear filling your eyes by the gallons.

"I fuckin loved you....so much, so hard...I did. And this what you fucking do...this the last time I love someone as much as I loved you."

And with that you stormed out. Grayson followed disgusted with his brother.

--------

"....so what did you wanna talk about."

You snap back into reality.

"umm well one your fucking brother was shot!"

He jumps back. "What?! Was he really? When by who?"

"a few days ago. most likely by a guy named oscar...who shot him because apparently, Grayson 'sober4L' Dolan™, stole weed from him. Now the only people in this damn highschool that smoke are those rich ass kids you hang out with, and gray got a phone call about this whole situation and claimed that if he didn't get his money or the weed back, he was gonna shoot up him and take his lil girlfriend, 'the one with the braids'."

He rocks back and forth anxiously, knowing he was caught.

"and of course the only girl he's around with braids is me."

"okay look i-"

"Aht aht wait, I'm not done."

"because at the same time grayson was on the phone I had and interaction with the lovely ms.claire. She claimed I was 'fucking her boyfriend' and I asked who and she said 'grayson the one who stole weed for me'."

He puts his head in his hands.

"so now I'm looking at her like she dumb because we both know Grayson dosent smoke, so a couple hours later I ask grayson about the situation and then he tells me about the phone call, so we put two and two together."

"so gray got a call from someone claiming he stole thier weed, claire your lovely girlfriend enlightened me on the fact that I was sleeping with her boyfriend, who stole weed for her. Knowing Grayson is neither dating her or smokes. So who on earth, could have Grayson's number, steal Grayson name and identity and create a whole new fucking life. Oh hmm let's start with the fuck-amato who made the fuck sure no one knew he was a twin and also dates the girl that my ex boyfriend cheated on me with...who just so happens to be the fucking twin. what do you have to say for yourself?"

There is a pause between you and him.

"umm....I'm sorry."

"y-your sorry....SORRY YA BROTHER GOT SHOT AND ITS ALL YOUR- you know what here what we're gonna do."

You pull out your phone and you had saved daemin's number.

"you are gonna call oscar and tell him the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and tell him you'll get his lil cousin his money back okay?" Because if not I will..."

"okay, okay, call him."

You call and the phone starts ringing. He picks up.

"hello?"

"hey daemin I have the actual guy you wanted to shoot at and damn near kill"

"word? Who is it then?"

"his twin brother."

"ohhhh shit. Aw damn aye is gray good man I feel like shit he didn't deserve this."

"he's fine but his brother ethan, on the other hand is the guy you should've got, but look since I don't want both of them shot the fuck up he is gonna over there and hand you the money okay?"

"shit alright"

You end the phone call and he sends you the address.

"alright let's go."

-------------------------------------------------

You and Ethan pull up to daemin's house.

"look when we get in here don't say shit give him the fckn money and don't say shit."

"alright alright"

You walk towards the door and knock on it. It's opens and there stands a guy around Ethan's height.

"um hi are you daemin?"

"yea that me, you got my money?"

"oh yea we do, Ethan give it to him"

He pulls 85 dollars out of his pocket

"here you go man, um sorry for-"

The door slammed in our faces.

"umm I guess that it-"

"how's Graysons shoulder?"

"oh it's good it's getting better I gotta get back to him though, he can't do everything by himself."

"alright cool I just wanted to make sure, does he need anything like I got bandages and a first aid."

"oh no no its fine my mom's a nurse I got all the stuff I need thank you though."

"alright bye drive safe"

"okay thank you!"

You and Ethan get back to the car.

Ethan turns to you. "Um he's nicer than expected."

"yea...um okay, I'm gonna take you back home. "

"yup okay sounds cool. "

The drive to Ethan's was awkward and quiet. He still stayed at him and Graysons childhood home. You haven't been there in years.

"well here we are. God it still looks the same."

"yea hasn't changed since the last time you've been here."

You turn to look at him.

"alrighty well- mphm"

Ethan kisses you holding the side of your face.

"I miss you. I do. I'm so fucking sorry for hurting you. You didn't deserve that, I took you for granted. Please give me another chance."

Your in shock to say the least. Staring at him in disbelief.

"...no Ethan."

"what? What do you mean?!"

"I mean no, I'm not going to go back to you I don't feel that way about you. And honestly once a cheater always a cheater, I just can't give myself back to the same person that changed me emotionally, to where it's hard for me to love people as much as I used to. Like what you do if I cheated on you, would you come back to me? And be honest with yourself."

He moves his hand.

"...no"

"exactly...so don't expect me to be the same. Goodbye Ethan."

He gets out and goes inside and you drive back to your place.

-------------------------------------------------

You come back home Grayson in the living room, on the couch.

You sit next to him and talk to him about what happened, he was worried and frustrated at first with the fact that you went but understood it was your life at risk to. A couple of weeks pass, Graysons wound is fixed and you guys are let out for winter break.

Spending time with Grayson made you realize, what you deserved in a relationship, the love, appreciation, affection, loyalty. All of it, you deserved it.

And you got it, you and Graysons infatuation with one another, grew bigger and bigger over winter break. The Christmas vibes, sleeping in onesies and making cookies. Making love next to the fire place, trails of kisses going down both his and your body.

Afterwords..."hey Grayson? Can I ask you something."

"of course beautiful what is it?"

"how would you feel if we went back to school, ya know together?"

"when were we going separately?"

"nooo silly like together, a thing, an "item". We go back in a relationship. If that's something you want?"

"Are fucking joking! Of course I would baby. God, I've been waiting." And with that you finally found the love of your life, whom which in the future you had your two twin daughters with. Inez and Felicity.

You've never been so content.

[love4hobi]

Okay this is gonna be long but I wanted to respond and put my 2 cents in about ur asks u got yesterday and discussion over bts recent music....okay so I read somehwere (I forget) that PTD was like their end to the trilogy thing of songs they were doing in that type of genre / English thing...Idk if that’s 100% true but it can give hope. Imo I actually liked butter and stuff PTD was just straight up bad but I liked butter and dynamite...is it their best work clearly not close but it wasn’t bad like PTD😭😭 also as I’ve been a fan for so fucking long (2015) I can say that for 2020-2021 bts KEEPS their success bc they’re such great perofmorers and bring it everytime despite the current music they’re releasing...(my opinion...) like I rememebr watching festa room live and being like holy shit they’re so good what the fuck and then realizing they were performing like all old b sides besides 2 songs😭😭 idk. To me they still perform and put on top level stages and that’s what keeps me interested and a fan to this day...also idk if you liked MOTS and persona but I liked both ...and BE was an okay album to me (not their best but come on KDKDKDKDKDKDD) also I think we as fans need to expect that every artist has their peak. Like there’s so many western rock /alt bands that I’m in love with their albums and then they release shit I don’t like after being together for like a decade and I just have to accept they reached their peak musically but am able to look back at their work they have done and still love them for what they did and released. Idk. I think bts can still bring it back musically as the time period of 2020-2021 isn’t that long in my opinion. Yes it’s been their worst year musically but it’s been like a year since dynamite so it hasn’t been THAT long. I think it feels like a long ass time tho so I get it....I’m giving them a lot of room and you obviously can disagree I’m just stating my opinion lol!! Cuz I do agree that PTD sucked and hybe is stupid...I mean take a look at what p dogg said a month ago when he said that it’s sad that bts songs are getting so incredibly short and the rap line can’t show their skills anymore to cater to the market and to check out their other music...(literally say that shit like word for word basically in a YouTube video....) like does this man (their long time producer) expressing these worries seirously have 0 say??? Like it really seemed like he is bummed about their recent shit too and bts are rich so you’d think they’d put their foot down and say no to anything...but I agree with you about how they’ve been grinding nonstop for 8 years and maybe they’re just fucking tired. Like it’s understandable. Anyway, I agree that this years music has been lacking (and honestly I lowkey feel that way about all kpop AT the moment)....like txt is the only group imo that is releasing good music right now...not to drag anyone else but twice disappointed me this year and nct and skz too 😭😭 but you know!! It is what it is!!! Back to bts tho, I personally still love them bc of their body of work that they have done and their stage performances and probably will feel that way for a long time. Idk, I’ve experience this with so many bands so it doesn’t shock me that much. Like for ex the band arctic monkeys had a perfect discography for me then they released an ass album and it sucked and I just accepted that maybe they just reached their peak 😭😭 idk...this was super long but oof

oh hmm i havent heard that about the trilogy but that certainly would be nice,, but then the coldplay collab is pretty much basically confirmed at this point and thatll probably be mostly if not all in english 🙄 and omg yes ur so right performing is definitely one of their biggest strong suits especially on tours whenever i go back and rewatch old concerts its just like theres no one else like them like theres lots of great performers in kpop but theres just something special about them altogether as a group!! and the thought and effort they put into end of the year stages always blows me away, but yea also smaller things like the festa room live are so nice,, they just work so well together on every level. but i do see what ur saying about them peaking cus yea i loved black swan and on and i could see how that would feel hard to top, but idk yea like i said in another ask they might just be tired and i think if they dont put out anything that great in the next year or two i feel like they might be able to get back together sometime after enlistement once theyve hopefully been a little ✨rejuvenated✨ and had time to rest n just live their lives for a bit (and bighit has hopefully moved on to txt and the new gg a bit more) and finally be able to to do something thats more them and just fits what they actually want to be doing at that point in their careers. but omg yea exactly what u said abt pdogg it kinda rly sucked to hear him say exactly what i was thinking in that vid and for His opinion to still not even have an effect on anything :( but also yea like you said and ive said in some other asks the pandemic has affected the music quality of a lot of groups/artists and theres always hope that things will get back to normal afterwards or maybe they really have peaked unfortunately theres no way to know we just have to wait n see ig :/

[uniformbravo]

me trying to make a gif part 2 (thrilling finale, buildup ver.)

ok good news and bad news: good news being withheld for Spoilers (not that it’s that hard to guess anyway lol), bad news explained first bc, chronologically, it is first

so yesterday i mentioned in the tags of that post that i had seen that krita has an animation feature so i was gonna try importing the frames into that and then exporting it as a gif. easier said than done, as it turns out

i started by opening the file i made yesterday with 62 layers as the frames and importing that into krita, which worked fine (i didn’t know you could actually open .psd files in clip stuido ((this typo is so fucking stupid it made me laugh so im leaving it)) and krita, so that’s pretty neat, i wonder if it works the other way around too) but i ran into problems when i tried to convert those layers into frames in an animation. because, like, the layout of the program has the layers displayed in one tab, and the animation timeline in another, like so:

(do u like how im using pictures now, i thought of that yesterday after i published the other post and realized hey, visual reference would probably make my plight a lot easier to understand!! so enjoy these educational diagrams from now on)

so my goal was to get the frames from the layers into the timeline, and i still don’t know if i did it right bc lbr krita is not very intuitive at all,,.,, i mean i watched a video tutorial abt how to animate in krita which was v helpful (it’s the one by jesse j james on yt fuckin SHout out) but it was about animating from scratch, not importing an animation you’ve already done elsewhere

so like, the way krita’s animation thing works, from what i could piece together as i bumbled my way around w/ it, is that each layer in the layers tab is a separate timeline in the,,, timeline tab

i want them all to be in the same timeline, not separate ones, and there’s no way to combine them in the timeline tab bc doing that just overwrites whatever layer you’re pasting it down onto, and also if you define the number of frames for that timeline (62 for this project) it just puts the single image of that layer for all of the frames instead of just one of them, so you’d have to go through and delete all the other frames you don’t want it to be, which would be such a fuckin pain

so i found a workaround, which is so tedious that it can’t be the right way to do it, but basically i started w/ layer 1 and defined 62 frames & then emptied frames 2-62, like this

(that blue box is the frame, btw, even tho it says 0, which actually kind of annoys me like why doesn’t it start the first frame on 1????)

from there i went up to layer two and selected that in the timeline, but for some reason the frame doesn’t show up automatically?

& i couldnt fuckin figure out how to make it into like, an Official Timeline Layer or whatever tf bc like, u see on layer 1 how theres that little lightbulb-looking icon on the right? that’s for turning on onion skin which only applies when you actually have frames with things drawn on them, so basically layer 2 in the layers tab has a drawing but in the timeline it doesn’t?

i didn’t find out what the actual reason for this is or how you’re /supposed/ to make the frame appear in the timeline, but what i did was right click on layer 2′s timeline & select “create blank frame” which magically made the frame i want appear

but it’s on top of the layer 1 frame, and i want it to be the frame after. also it’s still in a different timeline. this is the only easy fix in this whole damn process, u can literally just click & drag the frame from layer 2 to layer 1 and put it wherever u want on the timeline

and then u just delete layer 2 and that’s it, frame transferred!! then i just had to do that for 60 more layers and after [unspecified amount of time but it was a fuckin while ok] my timeline looked like this!

(the gaps near the end are held frames, to save me time so i didn’t have to copy a bunch of frames that were exactly the same)

krita is great because as far as i know ur animation can have an unlimited number of frames, at the risk of your own pc’s processing power, which is a definite upside to SOME expensive art programs i know (clip studio, i’m talking abt csp) and u can pick the frame rate too (cough photoshop elements 5.0 even tho u dont technically have an animation feature & it’s a miracle u can even make gifs at all) so once i finally got all the frames situated all nice and in order like on the same timeline, playing it was great! played at the right speed, looped perfectly, it was a dream come true right

well, time to export it as a gif

ha

haha

hoooo oo  o

so u got 2 options for exporting ur animation, u can either hit “export,” which lets u save it as different file types, one of which being gif, or you can hit “render,” which gives you gif and video options

well

i tried export first, bc that seemed like a good idea, but the “””gif””” it made was distinctly not a gif, despite its claim to be one?? this is what i got:

notice: 1. it is not moving, and 2. the black bars to the sides?? those are supposed to be transparent. they’re transparent in the file i made so why didn’t they register as transparent in the export, when gifs have transparency capabilities??

so That was some real live bullshit but i still had the “render” option, right? export was wrong, so rrender must be the correct option to go to that will produce the results i am wanting to see produced in front of me like a silver dinner platter with a correctly functioning gif under the lid, that’s what i want to see and “Render Animation...” is gonna Give me that silver platter righWRONG ok look at this shit rn ok Look

it says GIF it says it RIGHT THERE right??? right?????? then WHY

?????????????

and it also gave me all This bullshit

like did i ask?? did i fucking ask???? i already have all the individual frames why do i need even M o re i mfjgjgk

((rationally ok yea thats v useful for if ur making the animation in krita and want to export the frames to use elsewhere, but like uhhh 1. again, they’re not transparent & 2. i should have the option of saying i don’t want these??? bc *meme voice* i don’t want these)

so in the end i could find NO correct method of exporting animations as a gif in krita bc every ooption that says gif is fuckign LYING to ur face there are NO gifs in krita, aliens made the progam who looked at gifs and went “hmm i thikng this is how a gif works “ and just made jpegs instead but somehow got on the computers good side and got it to lie for them about it being a gif so thats why it says gif on the file still even tho its not a gif illimati confinr

so what is the conclusion to this? well i said there was good news too, and this is the portion where i divulge that sweet nectar (i type dthis 2 seconds ago and @ me what the fuck)

so after wasting a good 2 hours trying to figure out krita i gave up and watched some good old [youtuber name redacted bc what if it shows up in search & ppl see this dumbass post in there but it rhymes with fjackfsepticfeye] to relax into accepting my fate that i’ll never be able to upload my animations to tungle except in poor quality loopless video form, making me into a laughing stock on my own art blog, but THEN i had a stroke of genius, in my Brain

so if u read yesterday’s post u might remember that flipnote studio, the animation program i use on my ds, to animate, has the option to export files as gifs, both animated and sequential (meaning either as one fully animated gif or each individual frame separately), which is super convenient, but as i mentioned yesterday, any time i tried to open the folder with those files on my laptop, it crashed immediately

WELL today i thought “hey, how about instead of opening the folder in the sd card when it’s plugged in, how about i copy that folder from the sd card to my flash drive, and try to open it there, in case it’s the card’s hardware that’s causing the problem, not corrupted files”

so i tried that and it FUCKING WORKED THANK GOD GLORY HALLELUJAH

so now instead of spedning A THOUSAND YEARS trying and failing to force art programs to bend to my will i can just export the animations straight from my ds and drag them onto my computer Just As God Intended oh GOD im so fucking happy

here’s the gif in the end, i’m gonna post it to my art blog too but this is the Green Version bc i animate in green bc of some default settings in flipnote that i got used to, plus it makes me feel like i’m just sketching so nothing really has to be finalized so i’m comfortable while i work, and also it’s just nice ok it’s a Nice Green

(there’s a few frames at the end that are like the extra scraps from while i was working dw i got rid of those in the final version that i’m posting to my art blog later. also i added my blog url to that one too it’s aaaaaall good)

the only downside to this method is that i can’t change the canvas size to be 540px wide to fit with tumbrl s image dimensions but whatever i can just post them in a text post and fix the html to display it at its original size instead of the resizing bullshit tmurbl pulls constantly ugh. anyway it works great on desktop but it’s inevitably gonna look like shit on mobile no matter what i do *Big Ass Shrug*

anyway thats the end of my success story uhh i can’t make the like comment & subscribe joke again bc i already did that in the last post so like bye i guess thanks 4 watchign & have a great day i’ll see u in my next fvideo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYob4uDjEKI&t=0s

(^that’s my outro music)

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

[morozovastarkovs]

since this whole anti debacle got me all riled up and really angry i just need to vent and rant and let out my thoughts on the whole jtv mess.

full disclaimer, if you’re expecting anything remotely positive about michael in this, you’re in the wrong fucking place. i hate the man and would spit on his grave if i could. you’ve been warned, if any michael/cordu/eva stans still read this & come into my inbox looking to start a fight or anything, lmao don’t bother bc i won’t respond anyway. i don’t want to start drama or anythng, i just wanna share my viewpoint(s) on the whole thing and use my blog and this post as an outlet for it. if u do want to politely & maturely discuss my views, that’s fine. i’m open to it. nothing else tho.

anyway what bothers me most is that people are constantly like “michael had to die in order for jafael to happen” and “rafael will always be jane’s second choice” or wHATFUCKINGEVER. and i don’t want to see that shit in the jafael tag. not when i go on tumblr dot com, not on twitter, not anywhere. i’m SICK of it, cause it’s everywhere, cordu/eva stans pls come collect ur garbage we dont want it.

anyway i hope those people know that michael was supposed to die back in season 1 and thus jafael was always supposed to be endgame. jane/michael is a thing that they kinda came up with spontaneously and it’s because they got renewed for another season, and another one, and if they had jane and rafael end up together already there wouldn’t have been anything left to tell a story about, since the love triangle was clearly the focal point of the plot in seasons 1 + 2. they had to drag it out at this point like??

i haven’t seen seasons 2b and 3a and never will because unlike some other poeple i am actually able to stop watching a show if something happens that i don’t like and don’t want to see w/o complaining about it nonstop. anyway from what i’ve heard, rafael starts acting kinda shady in those episodes and i have no idea what exactly was going on with his character arc then but as far as i can tell, and yea i might be totally biased, but to me this just seemed like a blatant attempt to get people on board with michael and jane because they literally spent a whole season making the viewers root for jane and rafael and they had to fix that. what better way to do that than by making rafael unlikable /unsuitable in some way? idk man, but it’s cheap and i’m glad i didn’t sit through that character slander.

at this point i would also like to add that if you weren’t “Team Rafael” or whatever in s1 what the hell were you even fucking doing. michael was suuuuuper shitty in s1, he was such a fuckboy and that’s literally why i started hating him so much. he lowkey stalked jane and was immediately immensely jealous of rafael and instantly hated him which??? what the fuck is wrong with you my guy. not only is this so childish and stupid bc rafael didn’t even do anything, but it’s also so disrespectful to jane bc he clearly thinks she’s capable of cheating on him w rafael which ... wow ... you seem to have so much trust and faith in your fiancee! great! gold star for you darlin’. and he just did not support jane in her decision to have the baby after all, he even went behind her back and covered stuff up so she would still give the baby to the solanos. and do NOT get me started on the whole shitty thing where jane flat out told him that she was devoted to rafael and that he was the one she saw herself with, and could he stop pining after her & move on? and he literally had the fuckin GALL to basically tell her she was delusional and that they’d be together? like, even if he was sort of right, this is SO not romantic. if a guy ever tells me he knows me and what i want better than myself he can FUCK OFF. god this scene makes me so angry u don’t even wanna know lmao.

ANYWAY though i had my moments of doubt here and there, i was still p sure that jafael would be endgame, no matter how they would accomplish it. the way that they had michael die in the end was shitty and sloppy writing, i’ll give u that, and literally something no one liked. most jafael shippers didn’t like the whole michael/jane thing to begin with and obv cordu/eva/michael stans didn’t either. tbh i was more expecting that they would write him off in a way that he either left/had to leave for something or that he does somethin unforgivable and jane, like, divorces him or something but i didn’t think they’d kill him after all. oh well. i’m not complaining but i will concede that it was stupid writing.

so... lastly.... “rafael will always be second choice” first of all, even if michael hadn’t died they still would have found their way back to each other. killing him off was simply the easiest way out of the cordu/eva situation and so they went with that. second of all, YIKES! i hate this mentality that you will only ever have the one “love of your life” or whatever you wanna call it and thats it. nothing will ever compare to that and if u lose them you’ll be miserable forever? no thanks. i believe that you can love more than one person in your life, deeply and genuinely love them and have that love be just as fulfilling and great as the other(s). everything else is quite frankly bullshit. it will always be different, yes, but never not as beautiful as anything that came before it and like ... u like to say u care about jane so much but if thats true do you really want her to be unhappy and alone the rest of her life??? no? ..so what you’re saying is you just don’t want her w rafael just because... ok. u do u sweaty :)

anyway i can’t wait for jafael to continue to rise and be endgame, good night.

[voidwizerd-archive]

[[ "Shall we play a game?” Kankri Vantas, hurt and resentful but still in love.

part two of Wiz/Kankri logs!! the questions game ]]

valorousimperial What's your favorite color?

wiz-texts ...purple. especially dark pink n blue are tied for second

valorousimperial Your turn.

wiz-texts you mean i ask you one?

valorousimperial Yes.

wiz-texts well there we go thats it ....kiddin

valorousimperial Shh. I laughed.

wiz-texts what bout your favorite color?? i promise i wont jus be stealin your questions but colors is a good one

valorousimperial Blue, like indigo bloods. It doesn't really fit with the theme of the crown, though. The color just seems peaceful.

wiz-texts yea!!! yea indigo blue is real pretty your turn

valorousimperial If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

wiz-texts oh gosh if....... if there was a way to just.... stand on top of everythin n watch..... all of it roll out in front of you........ i would do that maybe that sounds like some kinda crazy god fantasy but i just think itd be really beautiful but since that prolly aint a doable thing

valorousimperial Considering you're some kind of crazy god, maybe it is.

wiz-texts maybe but my alternate answer would be a garden a huge huuuuuuuuuuuuge garden, w everythin in it!!!! or near everythin i love plants so much

valorousimperial Your lilacs are still overrunning mine.

wiz-texts >:0 theyre misbehavin?!!! i better give em a talkin to they aint usually growin outta their spot so, um, if you remember your dreams.... whats your favorite thing youve ever dreamed about??? for whatever reason, ha

valorousimperial They got so big!!! Mmm... My favorite dream is the one that came true. When I was young, I dreamed of freedom.

wiz-texts n you got it?

valorousimperial I don't know if I'm free. There's a lot of binding about being the emperor.

valorousimperial But at that time, freedom meant being out of my donor's control. I *did* get that.

wiz-texts holy shit thats.... thats wonderful. im so glad you got that maybe...... hm

valorousimperial ?

wiz-texts just a thought. i... hm im scared its a hurtful one so i should prolly just.... keep it to myself for now

valorousimperial If you want.

wiz-texts fuck knows you deserve a break but not yet because uh, your turn to ask a question

valorousimperial If you could change one thing that happened to you, what would you change and how?

wiz-texts ha. loaded question

valorousimperial Doesn't have to be recent.

wiz-texts problem is i dont remember like......... a lot of things. most things i cant remember what th event wouldve been but it had to have started somewhere

wiz-texts th first time my friends ever hurt me. if i could, id change it so id never have believed it was my fault

valorousimperial That's a good thing to want to change.

valorousimperial I think your whole life would have went very differently.

wiz-texts id be different thats for sure maybe less scared i guess th important thing is that i did realize it wasnt my fault or more likely someone told me bc i..... do not come easily to realizations like that on my own

valorousimperial (It was me.)

wiz-texts ....oh thats. huh. so i guess..... i still remember things i learned from you wonder what else there is um!! whats your favorite myth? or folk tale??

valorousimperial Mmmm... That's hard. Fantasy was all I had when I was growing up, so I know a lot of things. I think that probably my favorite stories were the ones that didn't have lessons - they were just full of people doing what they wanted So, ancient mythology really caught my eye. It made the gods seem troll-like, and they just did what they wanted.

wiz-texts oooooh :0

wiz-texts i keep feelin like i oughta look more at myths because so many are bout gods n thats sorta? what i am i guess??? its nice to seem em bein regular but like. actin regular except w mighty powers i guess, ha

valorousimperial Right.

wiz-texts this question thing is sorta fun actually did we play it before??

valorousimperial I agree! No!

wiz-texts we shouldve!!!!!! its.... its a fun sorta way to get to kno each other anyway um, your turn....

valorousimperial I'm thinking...

wiz-texts think fasterrrr im kiddin. take your time

valorousimperial If you could go any*when* and change any*thing* with no horrific consequences, What would it be? It doesn't even have to be something related to you, Just. Something that you want to be different.

wiz-texts well frankly i would go back to last night n smash my goddamn phone [[<BACKSPACE! BACKSPACE!!! ]] gee um all of time is a rough one to pick from

wiz-texts if theres an event that couldve stopped th game from happenin, thats what id go for but then maybe i wouldnt exist???? idk. exchangin me n a few others to save multiple universes seems like a fair trade ....whoa thats a grim answer. oops

valorousimperial From what I've heard of the game, it's not that simple. So many universes wouldn't have been *born* then, right?

wiz-texts not really. they kill a universe and in theory you get to make one maybe..... one in several million sessions actually ends in created universe

valorousimperial I thought it was only one planet that was supposed to be destroyed?

wiz-texts nah they wreck th whole shebang ....i think most of th game is fuzzy between th violence n alcohol my turn!!!!

valorousimperial Your turn!!!

wiz-texts this is sorta silly but i keep thinkin bout it so here goes: do you ever paint your nails??? if you do or dont, what colors do you think youd like?

valorousimperial I do! Lots of trolls paint their claws.

wiz-texts (that totally aint two questions its one question in.... two parts. with a bunch of extra question marks)

valorousimperial It's seen as an accentuating thing, as claws are a vital part of troll standards of beauty.

wiz-texts ooohhhhh :0

valorousimperial My favorites are matte red and metallic gold.

valorousimperial Mm... What's your favorite sort of thing to wear?

wiz-texts mm?

valorousimperial Like, Do you have a favorite type of clothing?

wiz-texts hmm.... button-up shirts. they can be comfy or stylish and i guess accessories that go w that?? though ive only recently started experimentin like watches n bow ties n cuff links also: gold rings. fr some reason i have a bunch: i think there was a party?? i vaguely recall there bein a party

valorousimperial I've had you at a few parties. Do you know how recently it was?

wiz-texts real recent. i think th rings went w a suit?? yyyyea this red n black one

wiz-texts hm. i never really thought of red as my color

valorousimperial Auriel's party.

valorousimperial It matched my suit.

wiz-texts oh my god i promise i didnt mean to diss th color red!!!! i jus figured since i already got th pink thing goin, itd b a bit too much??? so i never wore it ...guess i changed my mind

valorousimperial You came to the party as my quadrant, so you probably decided to just match me.

wiz-texts speakin of clothes, um.... i hope this is an okay question do u wear gloves a lot or somethin???? i know i never rly do but there are a bunch of gloves in my sylladex

valorousimperial ...

wiz-texts all like, really nice material n stuff. black or white. some are gray. um. are they yours??

valorousimperial Oh. They're for my psionic. I always forget gloves, but whenever I touch other people, I feel their emotions. I guess you were preparing for me.

wiz-texts i guess so... ill um, ill keep em in th 'dex if thats alright. in case you need em n im round.....

valorousimperial Alright. ... What were you thinking earlier?

wiz-texts heck

valorousimperial Sorry.

wiz-texts thats kinda... um sorry in advance if this is upsettin?? sorry

valorousimperial I know I said I wouldn't ask, but the curiosity is killing me.

wiz-texts what you were sayin bout freedom made me wonder if.... if maybe freedom had somethin to do with why i made that choice

valorousimperial ... Free of what? Of me?

wiz-texts no!!!! no i mean th scars!! they can be....... bindin

wiz-texts in a real bad way

valorousimperial ...mm. I know about that.

wiz-texts you do???

valorousimperial Yes.

wiz-texts im kinda surprised, i thought round here scars are considered attractive n all that

valorousimperial They are.

wiz-texts (...did you tell me that?)

valorousimperial (Yes.)

wiz-texts (okay)

wiz-texts um... whose turn is it??

valorousimperial It's mine.

wiz-texts oh okay

valorousimperial Wait, No, it's yours.

wiz-texts 0o0 tbh i shoulda asked this first because Super Important what....... is........ your opinion on purrbeasts?

valorousimperial !! We went on a date to a cat cafe

valorousimperial I brought home four of them!

wiz-texts you took me to a cat cafe?? :0

valorousimperial You took ME to a cat cafe!

wiz-texts *what* no way.... where did i get that kinda initiative omfg more importantly!!! there's FOUR MORE KITTIES round here somewhere????? i gotta meet emmm

valorousimperial ?? Shouldn't you remember the cats? They love you.

wiz-texts i guess they were too close to you. i mean now that i think bout it i sorta remember???? but its fuzzy like th ball w that Auriel lady

valorousimperial Their names are Mushik, Halmim, Romila, and Vessin.

wiz-texts that sounds bout right..... yea, bout right i took you out to a cat cafe n you adopted four. wow your turrrn

valorousimperial My question WAS going to be if you DID remember the cat cafe, but that answers that. What's your favorite dessert?

wiz-texts i think it might be milkshakes!! i only tried em recently but theyre super yummy (least favorite is anythin with squash. especially pumpkin)

valorousimperial (Even pumpkin spice milkshakes?)

wiz-texts (i ate nothin but pumpkins for so long....... so so long =_="")

wiz-texts what is........... your favorite..... veggie dish

valorousimperial I really like peas...

wiz-texts omg theyre sweet!

valorousimperial But they get stuck in my teeth

wiz-texts 0-0

valorousimperial The little casings do. The same with corn.

wiz-texts that reminds me of my next question but its ur turn first

valorousimperial What should always be on a sandwich?

wiz-texts food

valorousimperial Hah.

wiz-texts but meat i guess????? though i really like tomatoes tomatoes ARE the red ones right

wiz-texts n when th leaves r all crispy!!!! they taste sweetish n refreshin somehow??? idk i jus like it im just buildin a whole sandwich at this rate

wiz-texts mmm.......

wiz-texts what kinda teeth do you have?

valorousimperial Two rows of something awfully sharklike!

[[ Several Hours In The Future, Because I Heckin Fell Asleep... ]]

wiz-texts ....fallin asleep without rememberin that you even laid down is a surreal dang feelin

valorousimperial I know, right? I passed out without realizing I'd closed my eyes...

wiz-texts yea i had..... felt like some kinda multiple row thing was goin on. otherwise that mark in my shoulder wouldnt make as much sense also because peas stuck in shark teeth is a funny mental image

valorousimperial Shoosh!!

wiz-texts ha so, your turn if um. if were still playin

valorousimperial Hmm.. What's your favorite texture?

wiz-texts dang uh...... thats actually super hard bc i love experimentin with all kinds of textures

wiz-texts i guess my favorite.... kind? of texture? that would be stuff that feels soft like kitty fur!! purrbeast i mean

valorousimperial Why do you keep saying that??

wiz-texts sayin what

valorousimperial Purrbeast You, uh. You know that cat is the normally recognized word, don't you?

wiz-texts oh!

valorousimperial I've been saying cat,

wiz-texts no ive just heard purrbeast n meowbeast used by trolls a bunch so i figured itd be considerate to switch when im talkin to trolls.....

valorousimperial Oh.

wiz-texts ive been tryin to make it a habit...... well now i just feel silly, ha

valorousimperial ' - beast' is generally lowblood vernacular Which I'm trying to phase out by providing better education. Descriptive naming is a habit that trolls without access to worthwhile education picked up so they could communicate ideas.

wiz-texts whoa. i had no idea

valorousimperial I mean, honestly, Mituna still adamantly calls the meowbeasts, so you do what you like, but We do call them cats. So if you don't want to, you don't have to correct yourself, and most trolls will still know what you mean.

wiz-texts huh. okay thanks for th lesson there

valorousimperial Happy to!

wiz-texts so..... my turn.....

valorousimperial It is!

wiz-texts do you want to meet today? it um. its okay if you dont, of course

valorousimperial Mm... We probably should.

wiz-texts so youre.... youre okay w that?

valorousimperial Yes, but Not RIGHT this second, if you don't mind...

wiz-texts oh um, right. of course so... when, then?

valorousimperial It's just that I have a guest right now So maybe not too long, maybe an hour or so.

wiz-texts oh!! oh right, okay. wouldnt wanna impose or nothin, of course

valorousimperial Hours in the future, but like one: -------------------- Okay, I'm ready.

wiz-texts me too. comin back now

valorousimperial You said that before. Except now I can't say 'the hall between my block and yours' because you'll get lost now.

wiz-texts oops

valorousimperial So, I'll just Come to yours.

wiz-texts alright. im still headin over so i guess well see who shows up first

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

[hoebagbasicbitch]

the sweetest omegle convo i’ve ever had

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like the regrettes.

You: hi!

Stranger: hiii

You: skjakjf my search for the regrettes has never turned up anything until now

You: im so excitel lol

Stranger: RIGHT

Stranger: same

Stranger: wait are u from twitter lmao

You: we are a small but proud fanbase

You: no i am not

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: even crazier then

Stranger: so true

You: do u have any other socials

Stranger: I have insta! what's urs

You: phoebelink.art

You: hbu? i'll follow u

Stranger: omg I love ur acc

Stranger: I just followed u <3

You: thanks!

Stranger: :))))

You: don't be alarmed if i start peeping thru ur posts to see what other music u listen to i'm desperae for new artists

Stranger: omg no ur ok!!

Stranger: do u want rec

Stranger: recs

You: love them but u can only listen to the regrettes and swmrs for so long

You: yes pls!

Stranger: do u...like wallows

You: yes

You: they are coming to my state in august for a festival and i'm so excited

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait what fest is in august

Stranger: I thought they were all earlier

You: hinterlands

Stranger: where's that

You: it is mostly country music but there's some indie shit

You: it's in iowa so it's all hicks lol but i will suffer to we wallows live

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: why have I not heard about this

Stranger: im so confused rn

You: idk

You: it's a smaller sort of festival and it's like in a cornfield

Stranger: damn

Stranger: im bout to go

You: bet lol

Stranger: im like the biggest wallows stan its so bad

You: ahaha

You: the real question is did it happen before or after 13 reasons whyg?

Stranger: when I stanned?

You: ya

Stranger: they actually didn't even become wallows until right after 13rw

Stranger: but

You: oh whoops

Stranger: it was after, but I've never even seen it

You: got it that's more what i meant lol

Stranger: I started liking them through a mutual friend

You: valid

Stranger: if u have never seen them, they're the best

You: i'm not a stan but i do really like their music

You: i have not seen them live but i'm a huge regrettes stan

Stranger: gotcha

Stranger: as u should be

Stranger: tbh maybe Lydia will go!

You: i fucking hope

Stranger: she goes to a lot of shows w them

Stranger: bro

Stranger: speaking of her

Stranger: at my wallows show last month I like saw her and waved at her n then she came and sat behind me

You: WHAT

Stranger: like literally. right behind me

Stranger: and I was too scared to say anything

Stranger: :)

Stranger: every time she would laugh she'd like laugh in my ear

Stranger: cutest laugh ever bro

Stranger: her and

Stranger: whoops

You: i saw her live in cleaveland this summer and if corona doesn't cancel it i intend to see them when they tour with the struts

Stranger: wait

Stranger: when is that happening

You: this summer

You: their site has all the dates

Stranger: wtf

Stranger: I didn't know they had us dates

You: they updated it i think cause coachella is getting moved im pretty sure

You: they're just opening but i am for sure buying pit tickets and i will ahve to learn to love the struts haha

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait

Stranger: theres only like 3 dates

You: if they cancelled i will be very sad

Stranger: :( which one are u supposed to go to

Stranger: thats how I feel about my wallows shows, I think they're gonna be postponed/cancelled

You: the one on may 31

You: for me it is still on the site

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: that might be ok

Stranger: I think wallows cancelled their show for may 31

Stranger: they took itoff their website but haven't said anything

You: hmmm

You: we must hope for the best i guess

You: a mosh pit does seem like a prime place to catch corona tho lmao

Stranger: tbh I don't care

Stranger: which is probably bad

Stranger: but lile

You: it would be worth it

Stranger: idk my only happiness comes from touring so

You: yeah i have plenty of bands who i love but they kind of stay in place they don't really tour

Stranger: damn really

You: and unfortunataly i don't live in cali so i can't ever see them live

Stranger: felt

Stranger: I wish I lived in cali so bad

You: and that's on only liking grunge surf punk bads

Stranger: were u like a stan when they did the Fonda show afterparty homecoming thing

Stranger: I've never had such bad fomo in my life

You: i don't think so

Stranger: oh my god

Stranger: it was crazy

You: usually i don't like concerts cause they make me disociate lol but i just let it happen for lydia night

Stranger: oh shit really

Stranger: I love shows

You: no like they are very fun

You: it just is like an out of body experience haha

Stranger: damn

Stranger: idk I never have that

You: it's like an anxiety thing i think

You: it just happens it's kinda odd

Stranger: it's weird I have like bad anxiety about most things but somehow I have like none at concerts

Stranger: like im just the best possible version of myself idk

You: i feel that

You: like in certain situtions i definitely just don't feel it at all

Stranger: right

You: there are so many bands i would give a limb to see live thouhg

You: like one of my all-time favs is SWMRS ugh love them

Stranger: yupppppp I love

You: and hot flash heat wave opened for the regrettes when i saw them live

You: so good

Stranger: omg stop

Stranger: im jealous

You: but i have a whole list of bands to see live on my bucket list

Stranger: I feel like I've lucked out and I've seen almost all of the people I want to see

Stranger: well like all of my favorites

You: that's nice

Stranger: that being said im crazy so I like to see people 5+ times but

You: my main thing is i'm kind of new to the genre like only been super into it for two years but

You: that is still fun tho

Stranger: oh gotcha

Stranger: wait how old are u

You: 16

Stranger: oh and u said u live in Iowa right so I feel like maybe not a lot of people go there

Stranger: aw ur baby

You: ahaha

You: the alt scene is very dead here

Stranger: true

Stranger: tbh no one comes to my state either

Stranger: bc its so far out of the way

You: what kind of area are u in

Stranger: florida

You: ah

You: so the opposite of cali lmao

Stranger: yup

Stranger: yet im prob gonna go to cali when wallows have a show there

Stranger: lmao

You: wirth it

Stranger: yes

Stranger: I also might go for harry styles but idk yet

You: he's coming to iowa i think but i might b wrong

Stranger: omg really

Stranger: u should go

You: yeah we have a fat arena but i don't think i can afford tickets

Stranger: :(

You: i don't have a job RIP and i;m not getting one anytime soon cause all the businesses are closed

Stranger: damn yea I felt that

Stranger: I do have a job but im not going rn

Stranger: like im making them leave me off the schedule

You: probably smart

Stranger: bc im so scared of getting my mom sick

You: yeah that would be shitty

Stranger: yup

You: my mom works for the school district that i go to and my dad works from home so we are all chillin but that prolly sucks

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yeah thats good

Stranger: my whole family is staying home

You: we don't have a stay in place order yet but we haven't left the house in weeks basically either

You: my school is about to get cancelled too

You: it's just not good for anyone

Stranger: about to??

Stranger: is it not cancelled yet

You: well spring break got extended to april 13 but the superintendent is making an announcement on friday apparently

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yea here it's closed until the end of the year

You: its tough for us cause we are supposed to go online but our district can't afford it

You: like we need to close but only 40% of kids have internet acess

You: so they can't

Stranger: oh fuck

Stranger: idk :/

You: i'm lucky to have it tho

You: me wasting my precious internet acess on talking to adults on omegle lmao

Stranger: LMAO

Stranger: treu

Stranger: true

Stranger: oh well

You: i just want to relive middle school while i'm quarantined ya know

You: i was not monitored as a child bahabha

Stranger: omg

Stranger: same

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: I used to be on here all the time

You: like how am i not dead

You: genuinely thinking about all the shit i did in like 2012,,, what??

You: who let me near the family computer and then just didn't look over my shoulder

You: anyway i should probs go to sleep

You: it was nice talking to you tho!

Stranger: omg u too!!!!

Stranger: sorry it took me forever to respond

Stranger has disconnected.

[ilygsd]

200918: 1

someone fuck me in the asshole honestly im shocked how can this dude NOT UNDERSTAND??? hes really good at cognitive empathy, he has a nice moral compass he follows ”be kind, be nice” but he cant fucking FEEL what hes doing

and like....... thats important to me??? and apaprebtly NO ONE has ever criticized him for it or whatever? like his ”intentions”?? ofc he cant help he doesnt feel emotional empathy but he literally cant spot the DIFFERENCE!!! he’s like ”as long as im kind and a nice human being” like bitch NOO!!!! i like you!!! you ”like” me, but you like me bc u think im interesting and you think we can learn from each other. which also is important OF COURSE!! but BITCH I LIKE YOU BC I FEEL FOR YOU THATS DIFFERENT

we’ve known each other for like 3 weeks, met 5 times and we’ve already had 3 major fights??? mainly over text/phone but still.... he’s so fycking mean? he really tries to manipulate me that ugly fucking whore!!! he guilt trips me all the fuxking time i cant say anything he’ll explode and i need to apologize or some shit otherwisw it would never end. and i know what the fuck he’s doing because i used to be the exact same. honestly we are similar in many aspecrs EXCEPT for the ”feel”-part. i feel TOO MUCH. and the difference is that im not manipulating him.... because i KNOW i cant. i know he’d see right through me, there’s no POINT

like i used to be like that too, maybe i still am. i ALWAYS win fights, no mercy. its like i turn off my empathy during fights but AT LEAST i feel AFTERWARDS!!! he doesnt. he realize he did wrong bc of his ”morality”. bitch i could CRY, because he literally scolded me over phone when i was on the bus and there was NOTHING i could do to stop him. i tried to talk to him but he only continues cus i fkn refuse to oBEY HIS ORDERS??? but i cant hang up either cus then he’d never talk to me again and i’d feel like shit......

he’s pretty calm irl, ive never seen him angry irl and i hope i never will holy SHIT!!! he’s so good at hurting, like he turns everything youve ever said to him against you. he’s so fucking good at it cus he’s so god damn good at reading people. thats what makes him so charming. i DONT UNDERSTAND how can his precious girlfriends not have CARED??? apparently i’m the first to criticize him and one of the few to trigger him and im like..... bruh how?? i literally dont say anything and you fucking explode?? are your family and friends blind??? are you doing this to me because you THINK the manipulation will work??

also...... he sees it as something positive that sick bastard. hes like ”well i think this could be good” and im like ”uhhhh bitch it is I who get scolded???” and hems like ”but i feel and too :((” he’s such a fkn dumbass. this is his politics too. he believes in reverse racism and is probably sexist too smhhh. i was like ”are u dumb, u hit me in the face and tell me its bad for you too bc u feel vad abt hitting me??”

i am impressed by how he chose to ve ”kind” or whatever instead of psycho even though i still think he’s selfish and does it for his own gain aka he LOVES to learn things, experience things. he’s very ambitious, energetic and curious. but he doesnt understand. he’s like ”well im kind to you thats all that matters?”

the thing is, he’s not even kind??? he basically forced me to taste his disgusting vanilla coffee OTHERWISE he would take the blanket away??? he sees it as teasing and it kind of is yeah..... if i didnt know that his 1000% serious?? he honestly think its a ducking compromose?? im lile ”uhh a improvisera would be for me to taste a little coffee and then you to give me another blanket or AT LEAST stop nagging”

and when i finally tasted the ugly coffee he wanted to know if i thought it was good and i said ”yeah its ok” bc im not a liar, it was better than expected. and hes like ”thats all i wanted to hear” I KNOW BITCH, YOURE NOT THAT FUCKING SLICK ITS PRETTY FKN OBVIOUS

also he always adds rules??? everythings always on his conditions? also he kinda thinks i should be thankful for him not being an asshole??? or maybe its that i actually VRITICIZE his intentions. yeah i think that brothers him. i think he thinks it entertaining because he doesnt care when he get angry. i didnt use to either. i could just forget te fight and move on, it wasnt important to me. but fuck now when i KNOW what its like......

im like ”ur threatening me to drink coffee” and hes like ”arent u happy i put extra much vanilla for you?? i usually drink much stronger but i didnt for u? arent u happy i gave u the blanket? i actually was goong to put it on the couch and leave u cold but i didnt?” BUT HE ONLY PUT ECTRA VANILLA SO I WPULD TELL HIM IT TASTES GOOD SO HIS EGO CAN BE BOOSTED

calso he kinda forced me to drink alohol?? i was like ”im feeling like shit if i throw up its tour fault and you will have to clean up” and he’s like ”no you’ll have to clean up” BITCH I SONT EVEN WANT TO DRINK YOURE PUSHING ME

soooo many red flags fuck i really SHOULD leave now when i can and now when im not too emotionally invested. but oMG IM SO CURIOUS!!! we’re so similar yet so different!!! we can relate to each other in some ways the bad thing is that since he actually cant FEEL empathy, he doesnt BELEIVE me even when i tell him the truth. im not sad bc i want to manipulate him. im not even sad that his words are huetful even though they are, because i know he’s fucking weong. im sad because he treats me lile this. im sad because i like HIM!!! i genuinely LIKE HIM!! but he doesnt fucking understand?? he doesnt understand the difference between LIKING someone and LIKING to HANG OUT with someone. i like him because i like HIM I FEEL HIM, he only likes to hang out with me.

he talks about this as ”his way” and ”bot traditional” way of feeling. his version and definition of ”love” and ”affvtion” is so fucking weird??? we were cuddling and he said ”wow u make me feel more” LMAO BULLSHIT. I CALL FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU ONLY SAY THAT CUS U THINK THATS WHAT I WANT TO HEAR

im partly okay with him being low empathy, he cant help it and i actually genuinely believe he believes he’s doing the RIGHT thing. like he believes it so much and... i guess he is?? like what choice does he have? he cant fucking feel, the least he can do is be kind anyways. he cant help that its not genuine and i guess i’ll have to accept that, but i al NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THOSE CHEAP TRICKS. i didnt say anything but i bet he would even understand if i pointed it out. he’d be like ”but its true!! i feel more with you” no bitch, you only say/think that because you WANT to be with me and now when you know thats what i want to hear thats what you say. smhhh

also i remember in the beginning when i kinda confessed and he was like ”it takes time for me to like someone” and in like???? uhhh okay? and i was anxious abt it cus i really didnt understand what the fuck we were and he just kept ”it takes time for me to like someone” to i was like ”okay but its not like im super super deeply in love with you or anything?? like.... i can like people??” BUT NOW I FUCKING UNDERSTAND HE LITERALLY MEANS BASIC ASS EMPATHY. IT TAKES TIME FOR HIM TO FEEL BASIC ASS EMPATHY FOR OTHER PEOPLE

i just dint understand how the fuck he’s able to still have a family and friends and stuff. how..... how can no one care??? i said ”theyre being manipulated” and hes like ”no i just dont think they care. they just like that im kind and dont think much abt it” but both youre not kind??? but when i tell im its not genuine he goes with the ”well we’re all egoists anyqays, we’re all doing things for ourselves, ur egoist too” yeah but i can still FEEL

i dont wanna be a dick. maybe its just me?? maybe its just because i feel so much and thats why i really NEED that genuine feeling?? no, i know why...... fuCK ME!!! i CARE because i like him 😔😔 bc i think hes so smart and interesring and i see him as someone potential and thats why i keep test him like this 😔 and its for no use because i cant change who he is 😔😔 would i care about these things with some other guy??? no. because i sont care abt them, but i care abt him and thats why 😔😔

hes not even guilt tripping me for it (wow ”yay” ) he just doesnt understand. he doesnt understand the difference or why i find it important. he just sees it as ”him being different” and ”him feeling in another way”. thats not it. this is not normal. this is because of childhood trauma and im so fucking sad for you, no offense, youre doing tour best but thats so sad

well anyways, even if i were to accept his WEIRD ASS DEFINITION OF LOVE he STILL needs to fucking stop with his abuse??????!!!! out of the 3 fights he has told me 2 times he’s going to ”try” but bitch WE KNOW HE WONT. HE CANT! HE CANT BECAUSE HE CANT FEEL WHEN ITS ENOUGH. IF HE FELT EMPATHY HE WOULD KNOW WHEN TO STOP. BUT HE CANT. im just waiting for him to explode someday. i literally asked him ”what should i do next time” and he’s like ”idk, i cant tell you what to do”. omg its true. theres nothing i can do, he’d still be so pissed at me no matter what. and me just asking him is such a BIG RED FLAG like we ALL KNOW.... or not him. he’s like ”maybe we wont fight” LMAO HAHAH YEA BITCH NICE TRY BUT WE WILL BC U START IT

hes so fucking sensitive. we had a misunderstanding, he started to scold me, i got mad and he kept gaslighting ”no i didnt scold you” and when i called him out on gaslighhting..... oh boy...... he got SO FUCKING MA, accuses ME of gaslighting him?? accuses me of ”starting” it with my ”passie aggressiveness” ok maybe i was passive aggressive but i WOULDNT IF HE DIDNT SCOLD ME ABOUT IT. i cant ever criticize him because he goes bananas. ok maybe im not the best to criticize others, im very....... bold. BUT I KNOW IM RIGHT??

last time he got angry because i said ”ppl listen to you bc ur a white man” and he started to bring up his childhood, told me im insensitive, theeatened me to hang up, never talk to me again if i didnt ”respect” him aka ”obey” him, he guilt truppen me, told me no one would want to me with me blah blah blah

a part of me is happy u dont really fall for that bullshit. like yes if course im HURT!!! but as i said, im not really hurt because he really is trying to hurt me. he really WANTS to hurt me. he even takes pride in it?? ”im very good at making people feel very good, and im very good at making people feel very bad” it makes me so FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LIKE HIM I WANT HIM TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND SO HE CAN GROW, THAT IS EMPATHY PEOPLE, THAT IS GENUINE LOVE

we’re so different. we use completely different tactics. when i used to manipulate my ex.... i NEVER did personal attacks like he does. i never used smth personal AGAINST them.... i was more about.... guilt tripping? more about ”u dont love me, pity me”. im not saying thats good, i was horrible but what he does is just MEAN. i dont understand how anyone can keep up with that kind of behavior. i even told him when we fought and he responded ”well i need to keep up with u”. he always does that and that actually hurts because i like him. and he knows that. he always says ”ive been sitting here, listening to you, been kind to you and....” etc. etc

WHYYYYYY am i the only one criticizing him?? WHY is he like this to me? is it because i see through his ugly acting?? is it even possible for us to ever be healthy together? we can learn from each other, no doubt. but is it healthy???

when i tell him i feel bad bc of horrible manipulative and emotional abusive things ive done he understand but hes like...... ”thats ok dont be so hard on yourself, just learn, everyone makes mistakes” but like no?? THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! he also keeps saying i’ll become like him and like ”stop caring” bc ”we cared too much before” but NO I DONT WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU!! I ADMIRE YOUR THINKING SKILLS AND ID LIKE TO LEARN SOME OF THAT BC WERE POLAR OPPOSITES YOU THINK, I FEEL. YOU CANT FEEL, I CANT THINK AND HANDLE MY FEELINGS

i dont WANT to. thats the difference. im not satisfiera!!! i told him i dont want to apologize to my ex best friend (who i treated like shit) until it feels GENUINE and hes like ”pfft... its better than nothing. she wont know if its genuine anyways” and im like bitch.... i WANT to be genuine because i think she would appreciate it more and I would feel better about it and hes like ”oh so its cus u wanna feel good about it” OH MY GOD HES SO ANNOYING

i really should pack mt bags and run. why did i have to fall for him UGHHHHH. why do i let him treat me like this when i’d never let ANYONE else do it. its so weird, im very picku with guys. i dont fall for ANYONE. i ALWAYS pick nice and kind guys so why him? i thought he was nice, yeah fair enough, but i still like him even though he isnt? i dont think its me being awfullt desperate, i really wouldnt let anyone be like this. like BOY HE BEKIEVES IN FUXKING REVERSE RACISM DO YALL THINK I WOULD HANG IUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT??? or maybe i am desperate. yes i am. im desperate for the connection i feel. thats kinda sad. i feel a strong bond to/with him, i feel like we’ve been through some things and i still look up to him and how he has recovered. he gives me hope that i can also be happy one day. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM but i still want to learn from him. and i sont think i will ve like him because im not a sociopath. i just want to take the good stuff and then become better

omg i really am similar to him. im really here feeling superior. i do feel superior because i can feel. i feel superior and a part of me wants to use him. hes a real challenge. i dont think i can maniplate him, it would be amazing to have him feel something for me...... IH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING MESS. NO THIS IS NOT IT. I DO LIKE HIM IM NOT LIKE HIM. IM NOT THAT FUCKED UP

i get really annoyed when he claims im similar that i also want to control and manipulate and im like NO BITCH WERE SIMILAR BUT NOT HERE, like not when im trying to be calm and grown up and have us silver things, not when im crying because he huet my feelings but................ maybe hes right. or maybe hes just manipulating me??? maybe its both. ofc its both. i WAS HURT, i actually HAD anxiety!!!! if that bastard could feel, he would have known it was GENUIKE. AND HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IM TRYING TO BE CALM AND AN ASULR BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL FUXKING ISNT AND I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BITCH I WANT TO SOLVE THIS FOR MY OWN SAKW TOO SO I CAN BE WITH YOU WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A CHEAP WHORE WITH NO SELF RESPECT.... BUT YES OF COURSE I WANTED HIM TO FEEL FOR ME TOO. IT DISTURBS ME SO MUCH THAR I DONT HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM HEA LIKE A STONE AND OFC IF ANYONE SAW US FIGGT I’D LOOK LIKE THE CALM ONE. hes wrong though bc i used to think like that too with my ex bff. i used to think damn shes only like that so she can feel superior to be and humiliate me but no. she was right. she was more mature than me and she did what she had to do AND THATS WHAT IM DOIKG TO SO FUCK YOU

only way for me to manipulate him would be sexually. he’s that pathetic. a fucking horny dick, thats what he is. but it wouldnt even be manipulation because honestly if hes that fucking horny then its his choice. its not like i’d ever r*pe him, i dont even wanna have sex with him that guy has some HIGH STANDARDS i feel like a virgin next to him but since im not he would also expect more smh. i dont even dare to kiss him back. im only used to virgins so they dont have any experience lmao but... fuck i cant this time

he’s so cockt though for real. he brags about this and that all the time which is kind of his charm..... if it wasnt for the fact that hes always so competitive and serious LMAO. like it would really hurt his ego if i questioned him. imagine me telling him his sex, kisses, brain/psychology or smth was bad. i swear to god he would want to scold me and call me some real nasty things but he probably wouldnt