#anyway this is what happens when you put the two most emotionally constipated people alive in a room together and hope for the best

[comradesummers]

buffy's thoughts at an given moment: i love giles so much but he's not my dad and he doesn't love me like i love him and what if i fail him and he finally leaves me?

giles' thoughts at any given moment: i love buffy so much and i know she cares about me but she shouldn't i'm a bad person and i'll just end up hurting her. she's better off without me.

and then they never have a single conversation about it. just rinse and repeat until season 6 when giles actually does leave.

[feralphoenix]

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

sup hollow knight fandom, i’m back with the picante takes again after having Noticed A Thing.

as with my previous essays i’ll put this guy up on dreamwidth later for accessibility purposes, since my layout text may be too small for high-res pc users. i will attach that in a reblog at a later point.

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay discusses canon-typical body horror and bodily boundary violations, with some side mentions of colonialism.

all game screencaps are mine. the screencap of the wiki is from the “developer notes” (style guide) section of the “cut content” page.

ALSO: if youre from a christian cultural upbringing (whether currently practicing, agnostic/secular, or atheist now), understand that some of what i’m discussing here may challenge you. if thinking thru the implications of this particular part of hollow knight worldbuilding/lore is distressing for you, PLEASE only approach this essay when youre in a safe mindset & open to listening, and ask the help of a therapist or anti-racism teacher/mentor to help you process your thoughts & feelings. just like keep in mind that youre listening to an ethnoreligiously marginalized person and please be respectful here or wherever else youre discussing this dang essay, ty

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

We understand more or less how the Pale King’s plan was supposed to work. Stuff Radiance into a no-thoughts-head-empty and silent Pure Vessel to trap, isolate, and silence her, both putting an end to the Infection and killing her for good. Stick that vessel in the Black Egg, which harnesses Void BS to both keep the vessel alive indefinitely and to cover Hallownest (and its neighbors) in a time-defying stasis so that the Pale King could successfully hoard his favorite shiny FOREVER, threatened by nothing. Then put a seal on the Black Egg to prevent anyone from getting inside and harming said vessel while it’s strung up and helpless. And THEN, put protective seals on the anchors (the Dreamers) to the Black Egg seal to protect them from any external harm: The stasis means the Dreamers won't die of old age or starvation.

All in all, a pretty foolproof plan!

...except that the Dreamers are still vulnerable to having their minds breached with the moths’ magic... and the Pale King failed to take into account that his Pure Vessel was a person actually and the amount of toxic stress his training/upbringing put on them made them REALLY POORLY SUITED FOR THEIR JOB... and also that killing 99% of his million children and turning the Abyss into a landfill for baby corpses would take enough of an emotional toll on his wife and #1 enabler the White Lady that she would walk out on him, ensuring he’d only ever have one shot at this whole deal...

Basically it’s the sort of plan that an emotionally constipated, low-empathy sort of guy who pours all his points into INT and has a big fat zero for WIS might think is foolproof. It has big holes in it that the Pale King did not consider to be big holes until he got owned by the various consequences of his actions and fell down said big holes, making the shocked pikachu face all the while. Rip in die, my guy.

Anyway, there’s a lot of incidental information scattered about the game that gives us more insight into the stages of TPK’s plan. Looking at Monomon’s notes in the Archive suggests that she was probably involved in designing the Black Egg; the hidden room in the Weavers’ den points to their being the ones to blueprint the Dreamer seal; the White Palace’s hidden rooms reveal both TPK’s morbid fascination with the Void and his mea culpa wrt his motives and the Path of Pain is certainly suggestive of a lot of things. The White Lady tells us straight out that she walked out on the Pale King because she wanted no part in a second vessel batch, but how TPK didn’t handle that is only revealed via map design and some incidental dialogue from the Old Stag.

This stuff presents us with, if not a full picture, then at least a decent connect-the-dots of certain aspects of crater politics and Pale Court drama at the time, and how exactly TPK’s plan came together.

But there is still one glaring question that these cookie crumbs do not provide us an answer to:

Who shall bell the cat?

How did TPK et al manage to stuff Radiance into Hollow in the first place?

This is the subject of a lot of memes and jokes within the fandom because it's so absurd. Radiance fuckin hates that dude! She’s probably gonna be pretty wary of him considering how he stole her people in the first place! And considering the anti-colonialism slant of the writing - beyond the general sympathetic view Team Cherry gives of each indigenous bug society, Seer makes it very clear that Radiance has very good reason to take violent action against Hallownest - the answer is probably not something like “she’s just that stupid” or “she rolled a crit fail”.

Well... I have an idea of how TPK managed to get Radiance in there. It raises about as many questions as it answers, mind, but it may be someplace to start.

[desc: the hollow knight's entry in the hunter’s journal. top text/ghost’s comment reads: “Fully grown Vessel, carrying the plague’s heart within its body.” bottom text/hunter’s comment says: “The old King of Hallownest... he must have been desperate to save his crumbling little world. The sacrifices he imposed on others... all for nothing.”]

Here we have Hollow’s bestiary entry. Most of what we’re concerned with here is the top text, which says the seal has literally trapped Radiance inside their body. (First of all, ew, TPK.)

We already knew Radiance is literally actually inside Hollow, though: The Infection is leaking out of their body, and to get to fight Radiance, Ghost has to go traipsing into their sibling’s mind. So what’s significant about that here?

[desc: screencap of the outside of the black egg temple, post-infected crossroads. there are large infection blobs in the foreground and background, connected to each other by veins that come from inside the temple.]

The infection blobs are weird and get weirder if you kill enough Lightseeds for the Hunter to tell you their origin story, i.e. that the literal actual sun has been having a very long bad day and cried a lot, and some of the liquid coalesced into living flesh, and some of that living flesh took on a mind of its own to become Lightseeds. (Hollow Knight is a WILD place.)

Lightseeds are Radiance’s accidental children and share a lot of her traits: They are harmless creatures that try to avoid conflict if possible but if pushed will get creative and find ways to fight regardless of their physical limitations. (For the Lightseeds this involves hiding inside Broken Vessel’s corpse and puppeting it around to try to stab you.) They even have her same distinctive yell. And according to the Hunter, they’re born from the infection blobs. These enemies only ever appear in the Ancient Basin, which both Radiance and the Void have ransacked, and in the Infected Crossroads.

The infection blobs are connected to and sort of a weird extension of Radiance because the Infection itself is sort of a weird extension of Radiance. In the game’s internal style guide Team Cherry explains that the Infection started as an accident, not her original intention but what happened when Hallownest tried to block her out.

[desc: screencap from the wiki of style notes attached to seer that describe a sketch of radiance’s finalized backstory. text reads: “The moth tribe were (perhaps) descended from Radiance. However, the King convinced them somehow to seal Radiance away. I guess so he could rule Hallownest with his singular vision, as a god/monarch with no other gods. The moths sealed Radiance away by forgetting about her. Hallownest was born and flourished. However, the memory of Radiance lingered (eg [sic] the statue at hallownest’s crown) and soon she began to reappear in dreams and starting [sic] exerting influence. The King and the bugs of Hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the Infection. Thus the first attempt to seal Radiance failed, and the King had to try another method - the Vessel.” emphasis mine.]

Some fans have posited the blobs as deposits of pupa juice, but given Team Cherry's description of the Infection’s origins I don’t know how likely that is. Since the Void also sticks its squamous tentacles into things via veiny looking things and the Nightmare’s Heart has similar veiny nonsense in the Nightmare Realm, I wonder if it isn’t just a Meddly God Shit thing in general.

Whatever the case, the blobs are very much connected to/a part of Radiance.

And when you’re hanging around them, you will notice two things: They pulse like they’re part of a circulatory system, and you can hear Radiance's heartbeat emanating from them.

[desc: screencap of the game’s title screen with the infected menu theme in use: a glowing orange ball at the center of a lot of black tendony webbing.]

Let’s also think of the Infected menu theme, which you unlock after getting either of the endings where Ghost takes over from Hollow and absorbs Radiance out of them. Ghost is infected and then sealed inside the Black Egg in Hollow's place. It’s suggested by the animation’s staging that Radiance briefly struggles to get out of Ghost after absorbed but is ultimately stuck in them, at which point the seal is reestablished.

If you haven’t used the Infected menu theme yourself, the... interesting thing about it is that it moves organically. The light ball expands and contracts - y’know, sort of like a living organ - and so does the black webby stuff around it.

Also, Radiance’s heartbeat is included in the theme's ambiance.

[desc: hollow’s bestiary entry again]

To cut to the chase, this part of Hollow’s bestiary entry that says “the plague’s heart”? I don’t think that’s just Ghost/Team Cherry being poetic. I think there’s a good chance it’s LITERAL.

I think TPK is the sort of person who could cram a native woman’s literal living beating heart inside his own child’s body so they can use it as... say, a focus to absorb and trap her mind/spirit inside their body, too. Mr. No Cost Too Great is capable of a lot in the name of keeping other people’s claws off his Big Shiny kingdom. This is kind of his whole brand.

But also, like, yuck.

This fits the worldbuilding too; generally speaking Hollow Knight is Body Horror City. Also there’s the case of Grimm: While he and Radiance are loose counterparts at best with WILDLY disparate outlooks and ethoses, his existence serves as precedent that a Higher Being’s heart specifically can be separate from the rest of them.

As I said before, though, this DOES raise as many questions as it answers. If this is another piece in the puzzle of how TPK belled the cat, we’re now left wondering how he got Radiance’s heart to use as Hollow's focus to begin with.

We know he has access to the Dream Realm because that’s ultimately where he hid when Hollow’s seal failed, but who did he send to do the stealing and how did they get away with it? (TPK certainly wouldn’t have gone; his own life’s the one cost too great for him to willingly pay.) Was Radiance’s heart separate from her like the Nightmare’s Heart, or was it a part of her body? (I think the latter is more likely just from her personality; Grimm’s hidden heart makes sense because of how he keeps even his own servants at arm’s length emotionally, whereas Radiance is all heart all the time. I think this makes more sense with their equal opposites schtick too. But this would make for a WAY riskier mission.)

I can imagine all kinds of possibilities. None of them are definitive, but the thing they have in common is that they are all Awful... and how on-brand that is for Hollow Knight as a whole is, maybe, the most persuasive argument for It’s Literally Actually Her Real Physical Heart there could be.

[wesavegotham]

I've been out of the loop about what's been happening with DC and the Bats.

Thomas Wayne's alive? And he beat up Damian? And now he's run away? Bruce being...typical and constipated Bruce? (Ok, the last one's no surprise).

Do you know where I can find a decent summary of all these events? Thanks!

Main universe Thomas Wayne is still dead. But DC brought Flashpoint Thomas Wayne over from his universe to the main universe during Tom King's Batman run.

The run was 85 issues long and I hated it, so I don't really feel like writing a summary of the whole thing and I don't know where to find one😅

I think I remember most issues with Thomas in it though.🤔

I guess I can try to summarize those.

I remember Flashpoint Thomas Wayne first showing up during the crossover with Flash aka "The Button" early in the run. He told Bruce to stop being Batman before Bruce returned to his universe.

Then Thomas suddenly showed up in the main universe at the end of Batman #50 after Selina left Bruce at the altar. I think he reappeared in Batman #60 when he knocked Bruce out in the batcave. Then we had 9 incredibly boring issues about Bruce being stuck in fear toxin nightmares. I forgot if he showed up in Batman #69-#72, but Batman #73 and #74 had Thomas Wayne dragging Bruce and a coffin with Martha Wayne's bones in it through the desert to resurrect Martha in a new lazarus pit Tom King pulled out of his ass. Bruce stopped him from bringing Martha back, they fought, Thomas beat Bruce and left him in the desert. Idk, it was boring. King never does things in one issue if he can drag it out for two or more.

No idea if Thomas was in Batman #75 or #76. In Batman #77 Damian entered Gotham, which had fallen into Bane's hands after Batman #72, and fought Gotham Girl, a mentally unstable Superman knock-off that Thomas Wayne made into his Robin for some reason. After constraining her with magic Damian went to Thomas Wayne to fight him. Thomas didn't want to at first because he knew Damian was his grandson, but Damian provoked him until he did. Thomas beat Damian and took him hostage. To teach him a lesson he made Bane kill their other hostage, Alfred, in front of Damian since they had threatened to kill him should a bat enter Gotham previously. Alfred got his neck snapped and Damian had to watch.

Batman #78 and #79 were absolutely terrible issues, but we learned that they actually took place before Batman #77 and that Bruce had ordered Damian to go to Gotham as part of his plan in #79. In Batman #80 Bruce and Selina finally went to Gotham and fought some people working for Bane, which lead to Bane ordering Thomas to go to the batcave to execute Damian, something Bruce wanted to happen. Thomas went to where Damian was held captive and put a gun to his head. He was unable to shoot him though, Damian then freed himself and it turned out he managed to get the rest of the batfamily inside at some point before that. According to Bruce's plan they were all supposed to take out Thomas together as Bruce explained to Catwoman. Everyone was pretty mad at Thomas because of Alfred's death and they beat him up, but because Tom King is a bad writer Thomas was suddenly able to beat them all easily. Thomas went to where Bruce and Selina were fighting Bane, shot Bane in the head and Bruce in the gut. Selina already got knocked out by Bane or something, who cares.

Thomas locked Bruce in a room with Alfred's corpse in Batman #83 and made him listen to the message Alfed recorded as his last words to Bruce. Alfred explained that he couldn't escape from Bane as he was supposed to, so he lied when he sent the signal that he was safe, which had prompted Bruce to set his plan to take back Gotham into motion by sending Damian to go to the city. Alfred basically admits to comitting a pretty stupid suicide, but that is a whole other topic. There is also some pretty weird stuff in there about how Bruce was never truly happy or had a true smile on his face since the day his parents died, but when he thought he would marry Catwoman Alfred saw it again because fuck the batfamily I guess. Together with another retcon King did early in his run (changing Batman's history so that Bruce had tried to commit suicide as a child before deciding to make his vow for vengeance to his parents instead) the issue also ended up implying that Alfred watched while Bruce was contemplating suicide as a child and did nothing about it. I did not like this issue.

Batman #84 finally explained how Thomas even got to the main universe in the first place. After 34 issues🤦‍♀️

Tom King showed us that he did zero research into the Flashpoint universe and got basically everything wrong about it for no reason, but most importantly we learned that Reverse Flash rescued Thomas from his collapsing universe and brought him to the main one to fuck with him.

We learned that Thomas was kinda in love with Selina Kyle in his universe and in order to get Bruce to settle down and marry her in the main universe he joined Bane in his plan to...stop the wedding and convince Bruce to stop being Batman by breaking him emotionally and physically so that he would marry Selina? Yeah...it didn't make a lot sense. But that applies to most of King's run. The whole run falls apart if you use your brain for a few seconds.

Anyway, Bruce fought Thomas, managed to win with the help of Catwoman, Thomas went to prison or Arkham, idk, and got his back broken by a Bane with brain injuries. Bruce got his undeserved happy ending and spent most of the last issue sitting in a sports bar. Because fuck dealing with Alfred's death and the trauma he put his own child through I guess.

Thomas has not appeared again since then, we don't know if he's still alive or not.

Alfred's death was later retconned to be the reason Damian became a villain in Teen Titans, but going into detail about that would be worth its own post. As of now Damian has quit as Robin, is hiding from the batfamily and has his own ongoing with Robin #1, in which he is supposed to return to being a hero according to the writer.

[papirlife]

Blistering Love

Okay so slowly but surely making my way through Johnny’s quest line so expect these over the top analyses of my Johnny/V for each of these jobs ( I shall apologize in advance for spamming anyone’s dash but I can’t help myself). Feel free to add on your own thoughts, I love reading about wveryone’s different takes on these two.

Okay so, Blistering Love, the first step in Johnny’s journey to reconcile with his past, and make amends to the people who cared about him, so we’re emotional from the get go.

Now, in my last post regarding ‘Chipin In’, I stated that my V, who is by all means a very distant, rational person who suffers from chronic emotional constipation, had to come to terms with a lot of things which Johnny brought to the surface when he abused their trust. One of them was wondering wether or not they had made a fool of themselves by placing their trust in him after he went on a mad bender that basically left V emotionally overwhelmed, hurt, vulnerable and pissed as all living hell.

But coming to terms with Johnny’s betrayal hadn’t been the only thing that had upset V. When they had broken down after coming back to their apartment, all the pent up emotions, the grief, the anger, the hurt, everything they had suppressed had come bubbling up to the surface but in the midst of all that V later recognizes that one of the reasons they were so upset was because they were starting to feel something FOR Johnny.

(Now this can be anything from romantic love to something completely platonic and familial but in this case for my V it was romantic).

They had started to develop a romantic interest in him, they liked him, genuinely. They cared about him, his emotions, his well-being, they cared about what happened to him, and what might happen to him depending on how everything with the relic panel out.

But they also cared about his opinion of them, even if it was only subconsciously.

So to wake up and think that everything you shared with this person, everything you had been through to get to this point in your relationship, had all been a ploy, an act to make them lower your guard so that he could take advantage of them.

For V to think that Johnny had such a low opinion of them, that he didn’t have enough respect for them to blatantly disregard their boundaries and reservations despite being intimately familiar with them, had been a huge blow.

It had made V feel like an idiot, feel used, manipulated, and most importantly it had made them wonder what the hell were they thinking when they went and fell for the Johnny Silverhand, rockerboy and professional asshole.

All these thoughts had been plaguing V’s mind in the aftermath of Johnny’s bender and it had made them doubt everything, especially his promise at Pistis Sophia.

But this had been a turning a point in the relationship for V, because this episode had forced them to confront the fact that yes, they had fallen for Johnny, that they cared about him, maybe even loved him just a little, but then have to contend with the idea that he very likely knew this already and was just taking advantage of V’s vulnerability.

But V starts to doubt this claim at Oil Fields, and by the end of their talk, while the doubts are still there, their muted, more of an afterthought than a serious consideration and eventually with time, they fade completely.

Because here’s the thing, Johnny doesn’t know that V has feelings for him, they have a mutual agreement to stay out of each other’s heads even if it’s difficult to manage and that day during V’s breakdown, it was the first time Johnny had been hit with such a tumult of emotion from V’s end that he hadn’t been able to make heads or tails of it, so while V picked up on their romantic feelings for Johnny, he was none the wiser because he was barely able to process anything during the breakdown and afterwards he made every attempt to give V their space so that they could collect themselves.

Bottom line, Johnny doesn’t know shit about how V’s feeling, which is why when V hesitates in answering Johnny about letting him take Rogue on a date, he thinks that they’re just apprehensive about giving him control again (which they are) but in reality, the idea of him and Rogue isn’t sitting well with them, and they’re just a little jealous and sad, especially because it brings to mind Johnny’s comment about V not being his type, which in my opinion is complete bull, Johnny doesn’t really have a type, he just goes for whatever looks good.

Secondly, the not my type comment comes after the jacking off comment, and it felt more like we afterthought than a serious rejection. In my canon, Johnny falls for V first, but since he doesn’t understand the concept of emotional stability, he just locks everything down and thinks that if he doesn’t acknowledge his feelings, they don’t exist.

So at this point, he’s fallen for V but he’s subconsciously in denial about the whole thing and hasn’t realized it yet.

So the comment about V not being his type, complete crap, it’s just his mind being defensive and trying to deny that he’s in love with them.

Moving on, Johnny’s whole quest line is all about trying to reclaim his past, realizing that that’s impossible and instead choosing to reconcile with the people he cared about and moving on. We see him trying to reclaim his past in ‘Chipin In’ and failing miserably but then we see him trying again, this time by attempting to rekindle a relationship with Rogue. Now, Johnny/V ship aside, the whole ‘date’ with Rogue, didn’t really feel like a date, it felt awkward, forced.

There was no chemistry between them. Personally, I think it was just an excuse for Johnny to try and reclaim his past, because the world has changed a lot in 50 years and I think this whole quest line was likely born out of anxiety and panic over the fact that everything he once knew is gone, this new world is still Night City but it’s unfamiliar territory, it’s not the same.

So his quest line involves him coming to terms with this fact, accepting it and starting anew.

But anyways back to the point, V is uncomfortable with the idea of Johnny going on a date with Rogue, because while Johnny may have fallen first, V is the one who acknowledges their feelings for him and doesn’t try to deny them unlike him. Which is why they’re so uncomfortable and disheartened by Johnny wanting to take Rogue out.

But V still thinks that he doesn’t want anything with them beyond friendship, so they put on a brave face and agree to go along with his ideas dreading it but also wanting him to be happy and show that they are willing to put their trust in him again.

So they go to SPC and let Johnny have his night. He and Rogue have their moment together, but this is where it differs from canon; in the game, rogue is the one who pulls away and stops Johnny before things go too far. But in my version, it’s Johnny who pulls away much to Rogue’s confusion and unconsciously relief.

Keep in mind, Johnny might be in love with V right now, but he’s doing his damnedest to deny and suppress his feelings, even if it is subconsciously. So when he’s kissing Rogue, it feels wrong, it feels off. It’s not right.

Because all he can think about is V. All he can think about is how much he wishes they were the one’s sitting here with him watching a shitty action movie and making fun of it, that they were the one’s he was kissing.

And that’s when he can’t do it anymore, can’t deny that he’s in love with them, and he has to stop because this is wrong, because V is the one he wants, even if he can’t put that into words right now. So he pushes Rogue away, says that he can’t, he just can’t do it, can’t do it to V and Rogue realizes what’s happened, and sees that this little merc really has managed to get through to Johnny, to help him be better.

Because he loves them, because the old Johnny didn’t possess the capacity to love, but his one does and he’s learning to accept it. In a way it’s comforting, and she’s glad he’s the one who pulled away first. It seems that they both realized something that’s been eating away at them for a while, and they’re better for it.

They talk, and Rogue finally voices the words that Johnny has been avoiding these past few months,

“You love them, don’t you?”

And now that it’s out in the open, he can’t run from it anymore so he tells her yes he does. They stay like that for a while longer, just enjoying each other’s company after so many years apart, reminiscing g about the few good times they shared, with Johnny actually apologizing for how he treated her when he was alive like he was supposed to.

Eventually, Rogue calls it a night, she kisses Johnny on the cheek, and wishes him and V a good night, before leaving SPC, contented and happy to have spent time with an old friend instead of storming away from an ex-flame like she had done in the game.

Which is when Johnny takes the pills and V wakes up back in their body, groggy and disoriented and confused when they don’t see Rogue. What they do see is Johnny looking at them with this somber, soft expression on his face, like he’s seeing them for the first time after years as he explains that things didn’t work out and she went home.

V is arguably relieved, and Johnny tries to ignore the wave relief that washes over him from V’s end of their link, convinced that they could never feel the same way he does, especially after the stunt he pulled in “Chipin In” (because y’know these two are stupid and who doesn’t like a bit of angst with their enemies to friends/idiots to lovers ‘fix-it’ fanfic?).

Anyways, they talk and call it a night and Johnny desperately tries to ignore the feelings of calm and contentedness he’s catching from V, just like he tries to ignore the way his heart skips a beat when V looks at him with an adorable little smile on their face.

He hopes to god that they can’t feel it because he can still feel something sharp near their heart. Or is it him? Who knows, it’s hard to tell at this point.

[marisandini-chu-blog]

BRUCE WAYNE NEEDS MORE FRIENDS!!!

Okay... IDEAAAAA!!!

So... I’ve been binging batman and batfam fics and posts because I would die for them (but who doesn’t?) and it suddenly occurred to me that our favorite emotionally constipated person Bruce Wayne... doesn’t have a lot of friend.

Specifically, he doesn’t have a lot of civilian friend.

The only person I know I’m aware he’s closely acquainted was Harvey Dent and... well... you guys know what happened.

So yeah it made me crave to give this walking trauma of a man for some friend that actually has common sense other than Alfred and would willingly interact seemingly among the Batfam.

Kiran Devabhaktuni is one example of a marvelous OC by audreycritter (@agent-skulldrey) that I wish was canon because good God that family needs more than doctor than just Leslie and puts up none of Batman’s shits and is like a brother to Bruce. Gosh dammit I can’t get enough of him! If you don’t know him, check out Cor Et Cerebrum. Beautiful fic.

But come on, can’t Bruce have more friends in his life that’s not in one part of his life!!! C’mon DC!!! Give us some good stuff!!!

Alas, as I lament about this unfortunate circumstances, I decided to make him a friend and share it with you guys.

I’m gonna be upfront and say the OC I had in mind is just a copy-paste of Erin Gruwell with a twist. If you don’t know, go watch, read, or simply google Freedom Writers because I cried the whole day because of them.10/10 totally recommend because good God, there’s nothing more inspiring than children in bad situation manage to reinvent themselves to be better than what society believes them to be.. Which makes me think... what if there’s a Gotham!FreedomWriters and my mind began to race of this idea. 

The OC basically has similar background with Erin Gruwell, from the good part of Gotham or Bristol, who only ever been outside looking in at the criminal-ridden city. Faced with kids with difficult home life, traumatized, practically homeless, believing they live a life of war because they need to be affiliated with a gang to survive. She then learned about the wrong preconception she has on these troubles kids and decided to help them by teaching them tolerance, compassion, and understanding through writing and assigning books they could empathize and IT WORKS!!!

How does Bruce Wayne comes into this? 

Well... in the book, it was told Erin work together with a millionaire who offered a lot of charity that helps and support these kids and Erin’s teaching plan. Such as giving them computers to write a book, funding a field trip that helps them meet the Holocaust survivors, even offering these kids work and scholarships once they graduate. Someone that some of the kids of the class admits that they see him as a father figure because the ones they had were shitty. 

See where am I going with this? 

If you say, more Robins, no! Absolutely not. Bruce isn’t adopting any of them. I’m aware Bruce has a problem but NO! 

So here’s how I imagine their meeting would be. 

OC works part-time in a hotel belong to Bruce because the school was being stingy in borrowing out books for the “Special” class that admits kids with records or from low-income family as part of a charity program or something. So OC has to work to buy her class new and relevant books that would interest her students.

There was a gala, she was a waitress, and for some reason or another she meets Bruce and they start talking. What did they talk about? I have no idea. This is still the concept phase guys. I don’t know everything from about my own brainchild.  

Now, I know that sounds like meet-cute first meeting, but I want to emphasize the fact I want them to be BEST FRIENDS!  It’s possible they might have a relationship in the distant future but if they were, it would be base on the fact they were best friends first and foremost! Which make their bond that strong. 

Not to mention that OC is an English teacher so imagine if Jason Todd-Wayne, English nerd Robin extraordinaire, be in her class among all the other kids from the worst part of Gotham. Jason would be the OC’s pet teacher and OC would be Jason’s favorite teacher ( but to be fair, in this scenario, she’s everyone’s fav teach). Jason love her so much ,he wanted to be an English Teacher that can help people like OC. And Jason would actually have civilians friends he could relate and rely on instead of being an outcast among other rich friends.  

So when parent-teacher conference was underway. All the other parents didn’t come because they’re either shitty or too busy earning money to live. Imagine Bruce being the only parent arriving to find the waitress from his hotel. And because Bruce is Batman and Batman is curious as the deepest depth of hell itself, he might be curious of why a teacher from one of the most well-paid school would overwork with a double job. Especially when Bruce-secretly-a-helicopter-parent-Wayne notice the body-tells OC made when she lied about the reason when asked. 

So of course he checks, this is his son’s teacher, he needs to know there’s nothing sinister going on. 

Which led to him finding out about the fresh books that wasn’t assigned by the school, which led to him supporting her endeavor without her overworking herself because apparently she has THREE jobs just to support her one job as a teacher. Which made Bruce thinks “WTF, and I thought I’m a workaholic.”

Anyway, when the two work together they shared a deep understanding of trying to make Gotham a better place. They’re both from the good part of Gotham or Bristol  who has limited understanding about living a life in actual Gotham, just knowing that it’s a bad place. Both want to better the place, Bruce through charities and OC through her teachings. Both saw there’s hope and second chances for people of Gotham and willing to fight for it in their own way without giving up. As well as their effort to help helpless children.  

Bruce later admired greatly and respect OC because Bruce has help people both as a Wayne and as Batman, but the same as her class, Bruce finds hope in her method that by teaching compassion and tolerance, people (especially children) can change to be a better persons and live a better life. That life in Gotham isn’t one way ticket to hopelessness because of where you’re born. Not only that, but for OC to persist being kind and compassiom despite reading and seeing the cruelty Gotham has to offer.

I imagine Bruce showed his Brucie Wayne persona at first, but grew more and more lax as time passed. They both love Jason so they would bond from talking about him and Bruce might actually have a friend he can ask advice in regards to parenting. With Bruce being "Urgh, kids, you know?" And she's like, "Oh please, tell me more of your one troubled kid with my 150 one."

OC also becomes comfortable to talk about her grief of her dead mother, the divorce she recently settled, and just hangs out with Bruce. The struggle to not be jaded by the things she reads her students had to suffer. Because OC isn't only kind by nature, but she's kind by choice.

Now, in Freedom Writers the class was assigned to write a diary everyday. Including Jason. Imagine if you will, when Jason died. OC gave Bruce Jason’s diary for his birthday, and stayed. Imagine Bruce having someone to share their grief with someone who understands other than Alfred. Imagine the Freedom Writers gave a tribute to Jason on their graduation because they love him and know he would have been valedictorian had he been alive and Bruce cried for the first time since he held Jason’s dead body. 

I have other ideas relating to OC but it’s more Jason’s perspective. Let me know if you want to read more of what I have in mind because I’ve word vomit enough. 

[nyctolovian]

this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

This was written for @tma-safehouse-fest day 3-5 prompt (pining). But its sorta a dedication to the way the romance is written cos jon and martin legit try so hard to make things work :’ Please enjoy it!!

Summary: A study of Jon's love for Martin and why he kept it. (set in S4)

link to AO3

Jon knew exactly what this was—pining. Very useless and painful pining.

He was surprised by how quickly he recognised it. Less emotionally constipated people have taken longer to notice their romantic feelings for another. It was all rather strange and hilarious, if you asked him. (But he’d heard plenty of people criticise his sense of humour so he suggested you take this opinion with a pinch of salt.)

During the first few months in the hospital, despite his coma, he heard Martin—sensed him even. He noticed Martin not in words, though Jon knew he was being spoken to, but in presence and genuineness. And he came often, and would always be exuding tender care. Then, his presence began to dwindle with each passing visit, before it dropped off altogether.

Jon didn't (or couldn't, given his unconscious state) think much of it. Then, while asking Basira about what happened in the Unknowing, he was abruptly reminded of him—Martin, where was he? How was he?

Then, came the first thing he would Know after becoming an Avatar. Jon was overwhelmed with the somehow already deep-seated knowledge that he had feelings for Martin, something that had apparently been left brewing like wine in his chest during his Not-Death.

Almost immediately after he came to this realisation however, he was also struck with the fact that he hadn't been visiting lately. Not within the last month. Suddenly, cold dread that Martin didn't care about Jon anymore thrummed in his chest. Had their affections missed each other? Like two fleeting trains on opposite sides glancing off one another?

No, Jon was to learn that it was much worse. Martin was working for the Lonely.

Jon's chest tightened with worry at the thought. What was he doing? Didn't he know working for any of the Fears was bad news? Jon didn't want Martin to be put in danger like this. He didn't want Martin to become… like him, whatever that meant—not human, trying hard to be not-monster…

The dread expanded in his chest when he finally saw Martin. The sheer relief he had felt when he first set his eyes upon Martin could easily set him afloat. He had lost a little weight and grown slightly pale, but he was still alive and well nonetheless, cupping a mug of tea and wearing his usual large faded sweaters.

Jon, on the other hand, must have looked awful with his coma-induced haggardness and messy bun.

When Jon called out to Martin, a look of shock passed over his face at the sight of the man. His eyes darted down to Jon's outfit.

Self-consciously, Jon fiddled with the sides of his ankle-length skirt. His usual clothes had been more or less destroyed by his numerous kidnappings and near-deaths so he had to get new ones. He had made the decision to ditch professionalism entirely and gone for 100% comfort as a petty rebellion against the institution he was trapped within. Unfortunately, his outfits of choice resembled that of a little old Grandma, he belatedly realised.

When he glanced back up nervously, Martin's initial shock was already plastered over with composure. Cheekily, however, the Eye had let Jon Know that Martin's glances were rather appreciative ones and that sent his heart fluttering uselessly.

This short interaction replayed in Jon's mind for days and days, and he found himself drenching in mortification. Every interaction after that too. He would find himself thinking back to it and regretting his every word and twitch. (Not seeking Martin though. He never regretted seeking him.) And after the first sting of embarrassment subsided, he was left with the gentle aftertaste of his pining. To be frank, it was a bitter thing, as expected of something left brewing as long as it had.

He often found himself lying in bed, bolster held tightly against his chest, imagining Martin in his arms. And he'd feel a pang of pain. One that could only be relieved by the warmth of another.

Pining was not something Jon was familiar with. He was not the type to develop crushes to begin with. On the off chance he did, however, he had always been quick to stamp out the first flames of affection, with Georgie as the only other exception. Thus, the pain of yearning for someone you could only watch and think about from afar was incredibly foreign to Jon.

It was pathetic. It was embarrassing. It was unbearable.

But he cradled it in his palms, gently cherishing, refusing to let drop. Anyone who so much as implied that this feeling was something he couldn’t help would be dead wrong.

Jon chose Martin.

He had decided for himself—vowed it to whatever sick god that was watching him—that he was going to love Martin. He found the nascent affection growing in his chest and chose to keep it, let it bloom, chose to foster it even. He saw the red string of fate on his pinky and stubbornly wound it around his wrist, twice, thrice, over and over, tethering himself to this stupid love against all rationality.

He wasn't letting go.

He wasn't letting go of Martin.

Because everyone seemed to think he was gone, lost to doing the Lonely’s bidding. Not Jon. When Martin reassured him that he was doing everything for their sake, to protect them, Jon wholeheartedly believed those words. Martin wouldn’t do anything to hurt them. He didn’t just Know this; Jon trusted him.

But if Martin kept giving and giving, what would be left of him by the end? Surely somebody had to give something back. Jon couldn’t just watch him wither away into nothingness under the aegis of the Lonely.

Who was going to pull Martin out of the Lonely when it's time for him to return? (Surely he would come back. He'd come back when this was all over. He had to.)

Jon knew it had to be himself. Because Jon loved Martin, and loving him was the most natural thing to do. And, by god, Jon was fighting tooth and nail till his body fell apart to protect this.

If he had to die to keep his love, he would.

***

“Uh,” Martin muttered. “Jon, I, uh, I appreciate this but um…”

Jon looked down at their interlocked hands, not quite registering.

“I have to open the door.”

“Oh.” Jon’s face heated. “Oh. Yes, of course.” Reluctantly, he released Martin’s right hand, shivering as he did so. This was the first brush of cool air against his now-sweaty palms in hours.

He hadn’t noticed how long they had their hands linked like this. They must have been holding hands since their reunion inside the Lonely’s realm. He had been so petrified of losing Martin again that he had clasped his hand in an almost-death grip while he navigated through the mists and fogs.

Yet, Jon found himself missing the contact already. It hadn’t even been three seconds and already Jon was longing for Martin’s touch like a needy child. His fingers were growing cold and his heart was palpitating with the ferocious urge to just grasp Martin’s hand and superglue it to his. Never in his life had he ever felt this possessive but he really couldn’t be blamed after losing so much.

As soon as Martin got his front door to open though, he turned to look at Jon with the most tender smile, and held his left hand towards him. “How about we switch hands? My other one’s gotten quite moist.”

The warmth that swelled in Jon’s chest was a ridiculous thing but he quickly snatched up that offered hand anyway.

It was stupid, trying to pack clothes into a suitcase with two hands of two different people, but they somehow made it work. And when it was Jon’s turn to pack his bag, they allowed the same silly process to repeat itself. And if they shared a hug in the middle of the living room, no one would ever know.

Jon wasn’t letting go.

And Martin wasn’t letting go either.

[lil-nest]

Summary: When Talia's young son loses his leg and she leaves him in an alley for his father to find, she doesn't expect the GCPD to find him first. When Officer Dick Grayson finds an amputated child in an alley, he doesn't expect Jason Todd's advice to be "foster him". Both those things happen anyway.

Notes: Written for Batfam Week 2018, Day 4:AU Warning for child abandonment, non-graphic amputation, League of shadow-typical ableism (which does not reflect the author’s opinion in any way, shape or form) and a little bit of swearing.

“I'm sorry, lady Talia, but there's only so much we can do. No one ever tried to transplant a whole leg before, and even though the leg matches his DNA perfectly, the procedure just failed.”

Talia grit her teeth at the memory. Oh how cathartic it had been to kill that scientist.

“I'm sorry, Lady Talia, but we can't try again. His body went through too much stress during the first few attempts, and we don't have anything new to try this time. We did all we could, but lord Damian will not get his leg back.”

She hadn't killed this one. Her father had stilled her hand before she could.

“Daughter, you know it is no use. It is time for you to let go of the boy. He will no longer be able to serve the League.”

“But father, he was shaping up to be a great heir. Making a new one will set back our plans...”

“We will not make a new one. The detective has been training his stray, and the boy has a lot of potential... he might even become a better detective than his mentor, and he seems more susceptible than Wayne ever was... It won't take much to say him to my side, and he'll make a perfect heir. Your son, on the other hand, is no more than a liability now. We can't even plant him in the Detective's house, now that he has a worthier heir. Kill him, or I will.”

Talia al Ghul did not cry. She had not cried since infancy. But the idea of killing her child...

Maybe he had become a liability. After all, she was risking everything to save his life.

She had taken him from the lab, claiming she wanted to give him a death worthy of a warrior. Instead, she had put him on plane headed to Gotham and had presented the corpse of a clone to her father.

She set him down in the shadows, where she knew Batman's patrol would take him. She didn't know if her Beloved would recognize him as his own – she somewhat hoped he wouldn't – but she knew he would make sure he was safe. It was all she could give her son now.

She forgot to take the police patrols into account.

Sometimes, when Dick worked overtime and Jason had nothing planned for evening, he'd let himself in the cop's apartment and cook him a nice warm meal. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement: He got both the pleasure of trying out new recipes and a free meal – sometimes two or three, when he let himself be talked into taking the leftovers home – and Dick could have something other than cereal after a long shift.

Dick would talk about paying him for those every once in a while, but Jason always called bullshit. They were at that point in their friendship when nobody knew exactly who owed who what favors and they just did things for each other – or, more accurately, they both knew exactly what the other did for them but they couldn't agree on which favor compensated which.

Of course, talking about such things was unthinkable between two emotionally constipated ex-foster kids, so Jason just claimed it was payment for the times his masked self showed up at the fire escape asking for a patch-up job.

This would inevitably get Dick to stutter and claim that if an illegal vigilante had ever presented themselves at his window – which they hadn't, thank you – then as an officer of police, of course he would have arrested them, and if, hypothetically, he had decided to break his vows and help said non-existent vigilante, then he certainly would not know their identity, but the point was moot, anyway, since Jason was not, in fact, stupid enough to be part of any hypothetical vigilante group picking up Batman's slack in Crime Alley.

The rant would then be followed by an abrupt change of subject, and Dick would swiftly send Jason home with all the leftovers instead of only half, and tell him to come by with laundry some time.

Jason would call it a win, and would even even be kind enough not to mention the fact that Dick said “Batman's slack” and not “the police's”, as though he had given up on the force ever setting foot there.

That particular evening, Jason was sitting in Dick's couch while his soup simmered, reading about his exploits in the paper – seriously, who put an article about his people struggling to survive next to crappy suppositions about Timothy Drake-Wayne's “secret life”? – when the man came home.

If Jason hadn't been so worried, he would have wondered what it said about him that he knew something was wrong just from the way he closed the door and the lack of greeting.

A moment passed, and he was just about to go check that Dick wasn't dead when the man walked up to him and threw himself on the couch.

“Rough day?”

He was treated to an empty look he hadn't seen since he had last seen his friend wake up from a nightmare back in the home.

“There was a kid...”, Dick eventually said.

Jason winced. Cases involving children were always hard, but Dick usually coped by crying on his shoulder. Whatever had shaken him enough to make him shut down his emotions must have been messed up – even by Gotham standards.

“A boy, four year old – five at the most. Found him in a gutter in a back alley. He was.. god, he was missing a leg.”

Jason's blood ran cold.

“Some new psycho killer, you think?”

“No, Jason, no, he was alive. And the leg... it was cut clean, “fresh surgical amputation” the medic said. Coated with antiseptic, properly bandaged, hell, they're making a blood work because they think he might have been given antibiotics. Jason, it's like this kid got in an accident, got amputated and treated in an hospital, and then just tossed out!”

There were the tears. It was progress, at least.

Jason didn't like where he thought this was going, but asked anyway:

“You think his parents abandoned him on the streets because he lost his leg, don't you?”

“I can't know that. Maybe the leg and his current situation have no link. Maybe he just got kidnapped while leaving the hospital and the kidnappers realized he would need treatment to stay alive and didn't want complications so they just threw him out. Maybe there is a psycho out there who gets off on cutting off kid's members, then pretending to save them by treating them and then leaving them to die in the streets, but...”

“But you know both these scenarios are less likely than assholes deciding their kid was not worth the inconvenience or the cost.”

Dick stayed silent. Jason decided to change the subject.

“Did you try talking to the kid?”

“I did. He wasn't coherent. It might have been shock, but... whatever he was trying to say, it didn't sound like it was even meant to be English.”

“Maybe that's it, maybe the parents are illegal immigrants and can neither earn enough money to take care of him nor benefit from healthcare.”

“But then how did they get him treated in an hospital? Their identity would have been controlled. No, Jason, whoever did this had enough money and rights to get this kid surgery and medicine, which means they also had enough money and rights to take care of him afterwards. They decided to leave him to either die or get thrown into the system. Jason, you know what's going to happen to him. No one will want to adopt or foster a disabled, potentially traumatized kid who can't even speak English, and GCPS has neither the means nor the willingness necessary to give him the help he'll need. He won't even end up like us, Jason, he'll end up worse!”

“Not if you do something about it” he countered.

Now, the thing with Jason was, he was a firm believer in taking things in his own hands. Always had been, really. His mom was too high to make them food? No problem, he could teach himself how to cook. No more food money? Well, hello there, Bat-tires, sitting there, prime for the jacking. The foster parents beat the smaller kids? Associate with eldest foster brother to beat them back. Now-ex foster brother wanted to give up on his dream to become a cop? Nothing was as easy as getting himself arrested at a strategic time so Dick could “accidentally” bump into his idol while bailing him out. Neither Batman nor the GCPD would protect the citizen of crime alley? Meet Red Hood and his Outlaws.

So of course Jason would suggest doing something – probably stupid – when someone complained something was unfair. It usually didn't matter how out there his ideas were, because Dick was always there to act as a voice of reason. He just forgot that said reason tended to disappear when Dick was upset, leaving him incredibly susceptible.

“And what exactly do you suggest I do about this?”

“Well, you're a registered foster parent, aren't you? Take him in.”

Dick startled.

“I'm sorry, what? I can't just take in a kid on a whim! Besides I only got registered so we could ensure children involved in a case didn't disappear into the ether before we were done like I almost did after my parents died.”

Ah, there was the voice of reason Jason knew and loved.

“With that being said, the kid is currently involved in a case. I could take him in just until we close it. It would give his social worker time to find a somewhat appropriate home for him. And maybe if he spends enough time with me it'll help him trust me and we might find a way to communicate...”

Never mind.

Dick deflated.

“We both know if I take him I'll end up getting attached and won't be able to bring myself to let him get lost in the system, though.” A dry, humorless laugh. “I'm pretty sure that's the kind of emotional investment the academy warned us about”

Dick's internal war would have been hilarious if the subject hadn't been so serious. Jason felt the need to intervene, since it was a little bit his fault, too.

“Eh, screw the academy anyway. You've always wanted to be a dad, and I'm pretty sure the only reason you haven't adopted yet is because you know you'll get attached to every kid you see and won't be able to chose. This might just be your chance!”

“I know, and it's very tempting, but... I'm a single man with a dangerous, time-sucking job, and my budget's not too tight, but it's not that loose.”

“You know you can work around all of those if you try. Look, I'm not saying you should up and adopt right now, but maybe give it a thought? The kid's due for a few more days in the hospital, right? Take that time to think about it, talk about it with his worker a bit, and if you find out you still want to after that, just foster the kid until the case is closed. It'll let you see if you can find a solution for the job and the money thing, and most importantly if you click with the kid. Then when the case is closed you'll know what to do. Hell, if you're worried you'll end up too attached to take a rational decision, I promise I'll be the devil's advocate.”

Dick snorted.

“Right. You haven't met him, Jay. He'll have you wrapped around his little fingers soon enough.”

“Hey, if he's able to melt my stone cold heart, then he'll deserve a place beside the only other person who did, right?”

Dick laughed.

“Alright. But you get to be the babysitter while I investigate.”

“I'm sorry, but you're supposed to find a workable arrangement, and I happen to have a job that I like and almost pays my bills. I'm not ready to become a full-time babysitter until the kid hits eighteen. I might, however, be willing to do emergency babysitting every once in a while.”

“It's a deal then.”

A week later, Jason's phone vibrated, startling the cat he was holding into fleeing. Once the animal had been safely caught and given to its new owner, he checked, silently promising retribution to the asshole who had almost ruined a perfect adoption.

It was a text from Dick.

“I'll be picking Damian at Gotham's General on Monday. I hope you're free this Saturday, because we're going shopping ;p”

Somehow, his stupid ideas always came back to bite him in the ass.

[venacoeurva]

Aftermath, Ch.9-Replacement

If you would prefer to read it on AO3, it can be found here.

You can read from the beginning here.

Warnings: Mild alcohol use

          It was borderline-impossible to find Lea’s room in the tower; all the shifting and cosmic apparitions were annoying, to say in the least. How did anyone here go to bed within five or ten minutes of deciding to do so? He had a hunch the place was sentient and didn’t like him very much.

          Eventually, though, Isa knocked on a select wooden door and it and heard Lea yell, “Yeah, come in.”

          He slowly opened it and walked in, paper grocery bag in his arm. Well, at least the door didn’t want to stop him quite as much as the rest of the place’s architecture. Maybe it was imbued with Lea’s welcome attitude or something like that.

          Lea was sat on the floor and leaning back against his bed, scribbling something in a notepad. He perked up upon seeing Isa step into the room and sat up on the bed.

          “I’m surprised you didn’t bring vodka.” Lea chuckled as Isa firmly set a bottle of brandy down on the floor and opened the other one.

           “I was in the mood for something more pleasant. You can keep the other one if we don’t open it.” Isa flatly explained, sitting down on his bed next to him.

           “Works for me.” Lea smirked, taking the open bottle and not even bothering to get a glass. “Alcohol’s alcohol. Haven’t had time to sit down and drink in a long time, either.”

           “I certainly can’t argue with that sentiment.” Isa uttered as he sank against the wall and into the stuffy creamsicle-orange quilt on Lea’s bed.

           That was that. The bottle went back and forth between them, few words interrupting the silence while they watched the sunset drag itself across the parallel cream wall. That occasional brush of their palms and fingers against one another’s was never brought up or joked about.

           “It’s strange, this normalcy.” Isa murmured and folded one leg over the other, as he typically did.

           “Mm.”

           Lea rubbed his neck and turned his stare down to his lap.

           “I do miss having a steady routine, though.” Isa added.

           “Heh, I don’t! I like having free time and just doing what I want without being turned into a Dusk.”

           “That’s fair enough.”

           “Hey, can I bring up something a little, uh, stressful?” Lea asked, his previous joking tone gone and replaced with a slight quiver.

           “Sure.” Isa softly replied, studying the label on the bottle in his hands.

           “I know everything went to shit and we were pretty terrible to each other—situation and everything--but…”

           “We were, and?”

           Lea sighed, but looked to Isa hopefully, “…you think we have a chance?”

          Isa froze, but his face didn’t belie him. Don’t give him that damn look like that.

          “We’ve outgrown each other when it comes to that.” He simply said then took another drink.

          Lea was quiet. After scanning Isa’s face, he resumed facing forward and dryly chortled, “Right. ‘Course. It’s really been a while since we were…actually a thing…”

“You could also say I’m emotionally occupied, as it is.” Isa added.

           Being handed the bottle, Lea frowned as he took it slowly. “Emotional—oh. Yeah.”

           Stretching with a grunt, Lea then laid down on his side with his head rested in his hand. The hard beam of light now made the space right under the window seem significantly darker.

          “I can’t believe you still like Xemnas. As in like-like him.” Lea groaned, pressing his back against the wall with bottle in hand.

           “I can’t believe you just used ‘like-like’ as a 26-year-old.” Isa sneered.

           Lea nudged his side with his foot, frowning and retorting, “Hey! I’m around a lot of teenagers with repressed feelings and questionably-developed social skills. Some are like…literally two years old.”

          “Say what you will, but regardless. It was easier to like being around him than hating every second.” Isa sighed. “Also, I think I did develop some genuine form of feelings for him not caused by survival instincts.”

           “Yeah, it has a name, right? Stock-something Syndrome?” Lea tilted his head like an intrigued dog, frowning slightly.

           “I wouldn’t say my reaction goes as far as Stockholm Syndrome. As I’ve said, genuine feelings and reasons and not a simple reaction for survival.”

           “Mm. I guess the sleeping with him thing was all started by you, so huh. Just a fucked-up situation, then. Can’t believe you got attached, though. All that tall, dark, and handsome?”

           Isa mumbled in response about some psychological effects are hard to discern from genuine feelings and interpretations, however, but he doubted they’d last this long and took the bottle from him for a bit more than a swig.

           “But hey, you can move on, right?” Lea commented reassuringly.

           “I guess, and I sort of wish to, but Lea,” Isa sighed, averting his stare, “he’s alive.”

           He got a blank stare, then a stunned “Shit.”

           “He’s sort of alive, anyhow. He’s currently resting in my heart.” Isa explained, locking eyes with him—seemingly to be sincere but it just came off as his usual cold intensity—and shrugged. “His is still severely damaged and cannot exist by himself.”

          Scrambling back up into a sitting position, Lea hissed, “Isa—Isa. Isa? Are you serious? After everything that happened, you let him in?”

           “Terra’s not happy with me for doing it, either. But despite everything we did and the lives we took and ruined, we got a second chance at life, so why not him? He’s a branch of Xehanort, but not he himself.”

           ��He’s still Xemnas! Who knows if he’s gonna pull some shady shit on you!”

           “Should he attempt,” Isa argued, annoyed and voice louder, “I have the power to oust him and kill him as a result. I have a metaphorical knife to his throat and his being a threat will not be taken lightly or with hesitation. He’s not exactly strong enough to try at the moment, either.”

           “Well, you should do it now! Save everyone the stress.”

           “If he decides to return to his antics, I will. Having his own heart may affect him.”

           Lea sighed in frustration.

           “What the hell is it about him?” He asked in a low tone and with hunched shoulders.

           Silence.

“…I don’t know.”

           Isa tucked his legs under him and added, “I guess I don’t want to have to tear open old wounds to a new person. And he’s possibly a new person but at the same time someone I know. As he’s said, there’s comfort in familiarity, and that certainly is true even when that familiarity isn’t ideal.”

           “Maybe? But you don’t need to bear your soul when you don’t need to to just everyone. Nobody expects that from you except invasive assholes. If you’re worried about Terra being that way, he’s not gonna press you. He probably remembers most of the stuff Xemnas learned about you, anyway.”

           Lea’s eyes wandered from the floor to his quilt, and then to Isa’s face.

           “Besides, it’s not only just Xemnas, is it?”

           Despite Isa’s typical stony composure, Lea could see the slightest crack in it forming.

           “I feel terrible.” Isa muttered. “I know who was in there reciprocating, but I don’t…”

           He let out a tiny, tender sigh.

           “…Xemnas acts like Xemnas, and Terra acts like Terra now. Them being separate people truly complicated it.”

          Lea raised an incredulous eyebrow, muttering, “And you...like how Xemnas acts or something?”

           “I guess I sort of do...and I guess I would in a more normal setting. I’m used to it. And, oddly, I suppose I associate his face with the experience even though they have the exact same one. Terra isn’t bad, of course, but I’m not used to him."

           Isa paused, then added, "His perkiness is something new.”

           “Different isn’t bad, you know.”

           “I know. I just have a comfort zone I love to stick to. Having a routine, as drab as it was, was nice.”

           “You sure do.”

           "And, well, even though we thought we didn't have feelings..." Isa groaned, "...we did. So much for no-strings-attached. God damn it."

           "I guess he was kind of a replacement for when I stopped hanging out with you and doing all the intimate nonsense, huh?" Lea guessed.

           Replacement...

           Isa groaned again. In his slightly-inebriated state, this was irritating him more than normal. He'd sort it out some other time.

           “Can we talk about something else?" He asked, glaring at the ceiling, "Plenty else has happened, and it could stand to be discussed. We’re always circling back to the situation with Xemnas, these days.”

           Lea frowned, retorting, “Isa, you basically gave a potential harbinger of doom a couch to crash on for a while. We’re all a tad worried about that.”

           “As I’ve said, if he tries anything of that nature, I won’t hesitate to end him myself.”

           “Dude, you’re emotionally constipated right now, you’re probably gonna come up with some excuse when that happens.”

           “The most he’s doing is taking days-long depression naps at the moment.”

           “Still, we saw what happened with Sora and Ven. If his personality and memories start bleeding into yours, I’m kicking his ass.”

           Isa chuckled, imagining Xemnas and Lea squaring off in a fist-fight. While they probably would use their weapons, envisioning them just slapping each other around was oddly hilarious to his semi-inebriated mind.

           Then he paused.

           “Wait, would that mean you’d also kick mine?” He asked, more amused than offended.

           “It’s a necessary evil!” Lea argued, shrugging defensively. "Do you want me to just astral project and kick his ass?"

<><><>

           A little more than tipsy, Isa took a dark corridor home. He was good at caring for himself even while mildly drunk, but his emotional walls tended to drop faster than Demyx with responsibilities. He felt good and everyone would have been able to tell.

          He stumbled into the small living room with a yawn and walked into the kitchen to get a considerably-sized glass of water and then went to the bedroom. Not in the mood to bother changing into his pajamas or putting up with sleeping in jeans, he stripped down to his underwear and socks and clambered into bed. He snuggled into the sheets, mentally remarking to himself about how soft and comfortable they were, then gravitated to Terra’s body heat.

          Most of his emotional inhibitions and concerns about being into two people at once and how they stemmed from the same person were both swept away by this point.

           “Are you aware your hair is amazing?” He mumbled into the back of Terra’s neck and, for some reason even he didn't know, massaged his shoulders.

           Groggily, Terra lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at him. “Yuh—wha? Thanks.”

           He laid his head back down as Isa snaked his arms around his waist and resumed nuzzling into his hair. He didn’t mind by any means. Terra was a rather touch-starved individual.

           Ooh, the tight tri-blend t-shirt he was wearing felt luxurious. Terra chuckled, confused--as anyone would be--at Isa’s catlike kneading and rubbing of his shirt.

           “Oh, cuddly.”

           “Mmyeah.” Isa purred and attempted to wrap a leg around Terra too but gave up. “I’m in a good mood.”

           “I can tell. That’s good.”

           Is this what you’re like when you get drunk and let loose?

           Like a koala to a eucalyptus tree, Isa clung to him and passed out without another word.

           Watching the moonbeams slipping through the blinds scale the wall, Terra smiled. It'd been a while since they'd had any contact like that.

---

           Isa could hold his alcohol, but damn if he wasn’t hurting pretty bad. At least the bed was warm, but if the sun would kindly come down so he could punch it and stop this headache coming on? He opened his bleary eyes and painfully glanced around.

           “Morning.” Terra yawned through the fresh muscle-shirt he was pulling on over his head, padding over to Isa’s side of the bed. “You’re not too hungover, are you?”

           “I’m fine.” Isa sighed as he rolled over and winced.

           Nodding, Terra fixed his shirt and continued. “Good, because I wanted to ask if you wanted to go check out a world with me to make sure no funny business is happening.”

           Isa paused, nodded, slipped out of bed, then meandered into the kitchen for breakfast. A simple answer was probably the most of a response he was going to get for now.

           And then it was off to Neverland.

           The gently swaying palm leaves stood out against the intense blue sky of Neverland. The heat washed over the two of them, prompting simultaneous groans. They were more acclimated to the frigid halls of the Castle That Never Was and the mild climate of Radiant Garden.

           “Huh, we might have to go for a swim later.” Terra chuckled, hands on his hips as he gazed up at the cliffs above and the waterfall cascading down it.

           He prayed those seagulls wouldn’t poop on them.

           Isa loosely folded his arms and walked ahead.

           “Let’s see to what we must first.” He suggested while he smeared sunscreen across his exposed arms and face.

           “Well, yeah, of course. No reason why we can’t enjoy our time here, though.”

           They entered the foliage while internally angsting about the horrific tactile experience that was sunscreen. They walked on in silence for a while, eyes snapping to anything that looked unusual. As it turned out, not a whole lot was happening, so they simply enjoyed the heat and smell of the sea. Not much was seen of the inhabitants aside from a ship drifting lazily along the horizon.

           “It’s good to just be away from everything else. No people, no Unversed or Heartless, no chatter.” Terra sighed from his seat on one of the raised rocks at the coast cliffs.

           Isa nodded and muttered a soft “absolutely.”

          I wish I could find such peace elsewhere. No change, all play, no worries…

           He took in another breath of the sea air and gazed out at the glittering water, hands sliding into his pockets.

          …I wish I could have been a child for longer than I got the chance to, but far away from adults.

           “Are you ready to keep going?” Terra asked, glancing over his shoulder.

           “I’m ready when you are.”

           They leisurely walked along the coast and the jungle, occasionally climbing up the cliff faces and wading through the streams. By the end of it, they were wet up to their knees and had a few mosquito bites.

           Terra plopped down on a soft patch of grass in the shade of some massive palm trees, practically beaming at the comfortable resting spot and being able to rest his legs.

           “I’ve heard of the crocodile here. I wonder if he’s still around and if he’s finally lost interest in that pirate.” Isa uttered while he did a few stretches.

           “I have no idea, but if this world is as repetitive as other ones then probably not.”

           “That’s true. I think I’ll go for a swim, then; it’s been a good decade or so since I’ve done that.”

           “Really?” Terra asked thoughtfully, watching him slip his black v-neck off then unbuckle his belt with nimble fingers.

           “Indeed. As it were, there’s not much water in Radiant Garden to swim in or anything beyond a bathtub or a puddle in the World That Never Was.”

           “Yeah, those wouldn’t work.”

          “Could please you assist me with the sunscreen, by the way?” He asked, already rubbing some on his chest and stomach which prompted Terra to watch his hand go over those washboard abs.

           To be fair, that was to be expected when he had to build himself up to be strong enough to handle going berserk like he did.

           “Your back?” Terra asked in return while being handed the tube.

           “Yes.”

           Isa turned around and rubbed the remaining sunscreen on his hands onto his shoulders.

           “You are so tense.” Terra stated while he smeared some sunscreen on Isa’s upper back.

           “It’s to be expected.”

           “No, I mean, maybe you should see a chiropractor or something.”

           “It’s not as though my back hurts.”

           “Okay….”

           Stressed just seemed to be the natural state of Isa.

           Thanking him, Isa pulled off his boots and wiggled out of his pants then folded his clothes in a neat stack.

           “Perhaps I should…” Isa mumbled to himself in contemplation, “…mm, no, there are flying children about.”

           “Is skinny-dipping in the ocean really a good idea, anyway?”

           Isa replied as he walked down to the sand then stepped into the water, “I just don’t want to walk around with soaked underwear.”

           “I don’t think anyone does.”

           Watching him wander further into the water (and admiring the muscles and shoulder blades sliding under his skin as he went), Terra leaned back on his elbows under the shade of a comically-large palm leaf.

           He didn’t know how long he was sleeping, but he groggily lifted his head to the sound of…ticking? Wait, where did he hear that before, here? Something about the ocean, and pirates…?

           Wide awake, he shot up and saw a dark submerged blob sidle up behind Isa.

           “Oh, dammit, Isa!”

           “I’m well aware,” Isa said, face emotionless in preparation and voice flat.

           Terra cautiously but quickly made his way down to the shore and swore he saw a glint of gold in Isa’s eyes as he coiled back.

           The crocodile shot up out of the water and was promptly slammed back down into it.

           “The fool.” Was all Isa hissed as his grip left its snout and it swam back into the blue.

           “Don’t go berserk on an innocent crocodile…”

        ��  “Were he innocent, he would have stayed tailing his usual hook-handed prey. Perhaps his curiosity got the best of him.”

           Isa stepped in up to his waist then splayed out. As he floated, he looked Terra’s way.

           “You said you wanted to swim, so why don’t you join me?”

           “If you insist.” He shrugged, pulling off the replacement to his older tight shirt (which Isa was now wearing around the house as it fit him), his hakama khaki (khakima) pants, as well as his shoes. He smeared some sunscreen on as well as he could, took a few steps back, readied himself, then then dove into the water.

           His head splashed through the surface, shaking his bangs out of his eyes in the process.

           “If any more renegade crocodiles come along, I’ll protect you from them.” Isa chuckled lightly. “Though I’m sure my display scared them off.”

           Terra waded further in and studied the sand below, watching the light distort and bend and cause it to shimmer.

           “Yeah, I don’t think they’ll be interested in chomping on either of us after that. They'd have to deal with you being pissed at them.”

           "I would say my reaction would be more akin to annoyance."

           "Yeah, I guess. But if I have any crocodile problems, I'll just call you."

           He got an amused snort from Isa. He wasn't in the mood for much small-talk, it seemed.

           With a content sigh, Terra turned his eyes skyward and watched the fluffy clouds drift as lazily as he was.

           We're going to be so tired when we get home... they both thought.

[little-narnian-notes]

This is totally off topic to anything, but how do you survive high school I need some tips. PLEASE.😂

Um??? This is not off topic??? I’m always here for you guys. If you need tips on how to survive high school, then come ask Aunt Cecily. I’m legit ALWAYS HERE if you need advice for support 💕💕💕

So with that being said, oh boy do I have some tips for you. I don’t know anything about you, anon (other then that you’re likely 13 or 14 and going into high school, or are currently in it and have like 3 years left). As a result, I really can’t give you more specific advice. I’m honestly just going to give you some tips that I know helped me or things I wish I would have done. I’ll tell you some general tips, and then academic related tips.

Here’s the general stuff:

1. Music is so important. Have a good selection of singers on your ipod/phone. My go-tos were Lily Kershaw, Evanescence, Porcelain Black, Colette Carr, Neon Hitch, Trading Yesterday, Beth Crowley, The Cab, One Direction, Little Mix, Emilie Autumn, Kerli, Mayday Parade, Skillet, Simple Plan, Two Steps From Hell, and a lot of miscellaneous songs from various artists. My taste in music has changed and grown, but I still listen to a lot of those artists. Because I was so socially isolated throughout high school, I was constantly listening to music. It made me feel less alone. I had a lot of songs that I could relate to because of what I was going through.

2. Figure out what you love doing. For me, I started to love writing when I very accidentally found out fanfiction. And I mean accidentally. I was googling “narnia stories” or something like that. When I was 12, I was reading this critical analysis/theory book about C.S. Lewis and Narnia, and I was dying to know what happened to Susan post-The Last Battle. I did not find that; I find out about fanfiction instead on this website called Quizilla. It’s not active/online anymore - it was shut down way back in late 2014 or early 2015 for reasons I can’t remember now. ANYWAY. I loved the stories I found on there. I started to write my own (one of them was a Lord of the Rings one and another was with my first OC, Blaze, falling in love with Skandar Keynes. *cringe* *sigh*).

I obviously haven’t stopped writing fanfiction, but it’s because I discovered writing for fun, indulging your own ideas and interests with words and characters, that I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I mean, it’s also because I read this one specific fanfiction on there called Nothing’s Alright When You’re Bethrothed to Skandar Keynes (wow can you tell which celebrity 12 year old Cecily was OBSESSED with???). I was like, I WANT TO WRITE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Now I’m majoring in Creative Writing, because job security is for pussies (I’m kidding. I’m freaked out about what I’m gonna do post-college. Job security is some Good Shit, anon).

I also took a class in high school that was an elective, and it was called Video Productions. My teacher let me make my own vines, host some of my high schools’ weekly news segment, make a hunger games parody, etc. I also fell in love with making videos/filmmaking at that time. I knew that semester that that was something I was going to keep in my life and do something with.

Maybe it’s not as clear cut for you right now. But my point is that I discovered stuff in middle and high school that made me feel so damn alive and happy. Especially considering I was emotionally constipated and wanting to kill myself due to my major depressive disorder. So! Explore your interests. Give yourself room to create, learn, and develop skills. Useful ones and creative ones. Push yourself (safely) out of your comfort zone to try something that seems interesting. Even if you never do something like knitting or rock-climbing again, at least you tried it and figured out it’s not for you.

3. You’re in high school. You are not supposed to have your entire life planned. Some people know exactly what they want to do with their lives (go into medical field, go into law, do accounting, become a film director, etc) and that’s great. A lot of people change their minds. And then change it again. You are literally a teenager when you’re choosing a potential career in college, if college is where you decide to go. It is 100% okay to not have all the answers in life. It’s scary and can feel crippling. But guess what? It’s okay. It will be okay. Take deep breaths. Have a hot shower. Listen to your favorite song. But don’t wallow in anxiety forever. As I’ve said - start with figuring out what you love. Then figure out if you love it enough to make it a career, or if it’s just a hobby.

4. Have a job/be productive. After my freshmen, sophomore, and junior year of high school, I volunteered at a horse stable I took lessons at. It was a bunch of high schoolers helping out with summer camps meant for little kids. None of us got paid, but we knew we wouldn’t be financially compensated for our time going in. This guy I’ll call Micah ran the camp because he and his wife, Eva (also not her real name), owned the horses, barn, tack, jumping stuff, and some of the surrounding land. This was their business. In exchange for our four hours of volunteer work, we all got to have an hour or so to ride any of the horses for free and unsupervised (we were all advanced enough to do that and in a small enough group that it didn’t matter that we were left alone).

In my senior year of high school, I got paid like, $300 to write sports articles about the JV and varsity soccer teams at my school. Like give a detailed summary of each game for each time, upload them, and then I got paid in full at the end of the soccer time. That solidified how much I wanted to make writing my living, and that I didn’t want to be a journalist. I loved that job a lot, but I suspect part of why I liked it so much was because a) I knew it wouldn’t last forever, and b) I got to hang out with a lot of other girls my age. It made me feel like I had friends even if we rarely talked to each other.

I didn’t get my license during high school for a lot of reasons, none of which are relevant. If you don’t have money to pay for driving school, I’ve heard it’s a best to wait until you’re 18. That way all you have to do is get your permit, and then practice until you feel ready to take your driving test. Which I barely passed but lmao that’s a story for another time. Get your license when you’re ready or when you want it. Have a part-time job. Make some money. Make sure you SAVE your money. Don’t blow all of it on stupid stuff. Save half of your paycheck, anon.

5. High school doesn’t last forever. I’m not going to tell you some bullshit like “It gets better” (even though it does). Look, people can say that high school is only four years and doesn’t last forever, but if you’re going through a lot of rough shit in those four years, that sentiment doesn’t really help (well, in my own experience it didn’t). If you’re struggling with something like an eating disorder, parents who are divorcing, a death in your family, etc. it ends up sucking some ass to show up and care.

I think it’s more important to remember that you’re not alone. You can visit websites like 7 Cups of Tea to get support. You’re more resilient then you know. And you have more support around you then you know. There can be some dark times, but it’s possible to keep on keeping on until you find nuggets of hope and lots of help/support that help you out of your tunnel.

Also: high school only lasts four years. And that’s when most students start at 14 and graduate at 18. Those are not the best four years of your life. It’s the rest of your life that’s fucking amazing.

6. You don’t have to go to college. That’s not your excuse to be a burn-out, though, anon. If you don’t want to go to college, or can’t afford it, I’d suggest looking into going to a vocational school. From what I understand of friends who are currently in them or have graduated from them, you learn a specific skill/trade and can immediately go into the workplace you were trained for. It’s also apparently not as pricey as college. You could also consider going to community college. You can take a year or two off to do something with yourself, and figure out what’s best for you. Maybe it includes trade school or college, and maybe it doesn’t. It’s okay either way.

—

Below are two extensive school cheat sheets that tumblr user jwstudying put together. They’re more conscise and thorough then I can currently be (because it’s like. 2 a.m. where I am and I’m having trouble staying awake). I haven’t gotten a chance to look through all the stuff jwstudying provided, so I’m not sure if all the links work. Hopefully they do.

I hope all of this helps, anon! Good luck with high school. Message me again if you want to talk or need more advice. 

CHEAT SHEET 1

soothe yourself | self care

stationery

printables

helpful sites

music for studying | more music

note taking methods  | another one

studying methods

english | physics | chemistry | biology | maths | languages

how to learn a language

ultimate guide for writing | writing resources | writing helps | tips for writers

how to write a kickass essay | write a great essay | stuff you need to write essays | essay tips | essay checklist | grade your essay

how do I study for…

bullet journals | a guide to bullet journals

the testing effect

everything you need to succeed in school

time management

organisation

how to annotate | another one

guide to aesthetically pleasing notes | improve your handwriting

create a study guide

resources | helpful websites | there’s an app for that

get more out of google

productivity resources | 14 apps to become productive | how to stay productive

lazy night owl school survival guide

apps for a better life | useful websites for students

masterpost of studying tips

social media citation guide

college masterpost | another one | starting college on the right foot | packing for college | how to survive in college

how to ace that college interview

food to stay motivated | motivation guide

how to stay awake in class

balancing a healthy lifestyle

studying on your period

huge masterpost for the semester

a very long list to help you survive school

not enough time to finish an assignment?

100 delicious cheap recipes

53 posts for students

high school cheat sheet

CHEAT SHEET 2:

back to school masterlist

tips for exams

ultimate back to school tips

tips for the new school year

4 legal ways to get free textbooks

essential productivity apps

actual first time college advice | tips for lectures | how to take lecture notes

study breaks | studying hacks

bet your teachers never taught you this

how to take organised notes

text book tips

tips to make school life easier

how to do cover letters

studying a foreign language tips

dyslexia friendly fonts

writing about royal characters

language learning sites

tips for effective studying

travel cheap

23 editing tips

useful apps for students

words to describe someone’s voice

Joss Whedon’s writing tips | writing references

50 things to ask your character before you start writing

stop using google.com to search information

life hacks for school

how to write an essay

8 basics of creative writing | fantasy guide | songs for creating stuff

for crime writers

dear writers

a high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words

confused what to underline, italicize and when to use quotation marks?

feeling anxious for school?

make pretty banners | another one | and another one | one more | okay last one i promise

how to study like a harvard student

how to do pretty lettering | how to make your notes pretty | handwriting and note taking | colour code notes | how to maintain good notes | take digital notes

using one note to take notes | another one

how to get shit done

things i wish people had told me when i was a freshman

handwriting reference

in class notes reference

20 things I found out about studying last year | things to do remember when studying

revising for maths

abbreviations for note taking | 2

12 things i learnt during 12 years of school

transition words

how to study from textbooks

how to make history timelines

what to do if you fail a class

backpack essentials

studying 101: how to stay focused, motivated, and on track.

secret study tips | top tips for studying in college

ultimate studyblr guide

hey, school’s hard

[nabateann]

my ideas on bleo/thlaise, badly formatted and horrible i’m so sorry

from what we know about pureblood society, it’s very exclusive, right? even among itself

there’s the “sacred 28” or whatever bs

anyways, so like, once you get to the sacred 28, you can’t get better than that

that’s like the cream of the crop, who’s “in” with the wizarding world

because, you guessed it, pseudo-racism

and the Zabinis are from Italy so like, they’re not on it, but u bet ur ass they can pseudo-racism along with the best of them

by best i mean worst

i get the feeling it was the “congrats! of all the racists, we are the worst! nicely done, guys”

so obviously there are some falling outs from the 1920’s to the 80’s - the Longbottoms, for one, notorious blood traitors that they were

the Weasleys weren’t great, and that takes care of the Prewetts too

Gaunts died out, the Carrows are too old, the only Black child is a Malfoy, the Lestranges are all in azkaban

so the only families of the sacred 28 that had school-aged children were Abbott, Bulstrode, Flint, Greengrass, Macmillan, Malfoy, Nott, Parkinson

although there’s the possibility of others, a lot of them had strong strong ties to Voldemort and also just plain old weren’t likely (Crouch, Yaxley, etc)

there are a few we don’t know enough about to discount, but since they aren’t mentioned, and with their family history i assume that they’d be huge racists and mentioned at least once in canon, then i doubt they were at Hogwarts when Harry was

leaves the social circle for young, growing pureblood elite quite small, doesn’t it

Hannah Abbott, Millicent Bulstrode, Marcus Flint, Daphne Greengrass, Astoria Greengrass, Ernie Macmillan, Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson

Hannah’s a half-blood, so… no

Ernie’s Hannah/Harry’s friend, and everything, so….. def no

Shacklebolt: Kingsley’s the only known member alive in canon : /

and Shafiq, there’s nothing on, so you could make the argument

anyways the Notts, Malfoys, Bulstrodes, Greengrasses, and Parkinsons are the “big ones”

ofc they socialize outside of that but like

they’re a tight circle, and the Zabinis are in it, shown by Blaise’s interactions w Draco–they’re equals, not lackeys like Crabbe/Goyle

and Theo’s dad is a reclusive drunk, but he obviously keeps up with stuff, because Malfoy and Nott are on “equals” terms and shit

so Theo spends his childhood with those children mentioned above

Draco, who’s loud and annoying and doesn’t he know better than to talk to his parents like that? theo really hates it when they come over because draco makes him nervous he doesn’t want his father to get mad (his father always does)

Pansy is spoilt, but always polite to his father, so he’s ok with her because his dad isn’t mad when she leaves. but she tries to order him around, then huffs when he doesn’t let her, then complains that he’s ignoring her, so…. not his favorite

Daphne and Astoria are pleasant, and they entertain each other, so he doesn’t have to talk to them. it’s nice

but still, they’re so vapid and he hates that they talk about stupid stuff like it’s life and death, because they’re soft and don’t know what it’s like to be hurt and god he hates them why do they get to be soft

Millicent’s dull, but not grating. she’s probably his favorite of them all, just before Pansy

they sit there and look into the garden. Millicent talks a lot, but doesn’t need a response. she’s a simple creature, and Theo thinks that he’d rather she come over more often

he knows better than to tell his dad this

the Zabinis move to Britain, because, as Mrs. Zabini sniffs, the men in italy do not know a good woman when they see one, and ugh! muggle culture is so pervasive

Blaise is annoying, but not like the others. Blaise is annoying because he smirks and sits back and laughs like a knife

Blaise has everything but he is not soft, does not take it for granted. he knows he has everything and uses it as a sword and, oddly, Theo doesn’t care

but Theo can’t use his solitude as his weapon anymore because there is someone who knows the rules of the game they’re playing

and so they grow up together, they start writing, and by the time they get to Hogwarts, Blaise is the only person that Theo’s held a conversation with in two years, albeit over the post

his father’s drinking got worse when he was 8 or so, and society forgot them. Theo didn’t care, frankly

Theo’s aware that Blaise is much more… social than he, and that this competition/correspondence/whatever means less to him than it does to Theo, but that makes him go harder, because he will win and laugh about it

the hat looks at Theo’s head and considers Ravenclaw for all of 5 seconds before an adamant Slytherin

Blaise grew up with the knowledge of superiority in his head, but he reveled in that–the more he felt, the more he wanted, and Theo was his equal, which frustrated blaise

they’re put into Slytherin together, along with Malfoy and Crabbe/Goyle

for one, Malfoy’s always talking about Potter, which is annoying and exhausting, and Crabbe and Goyle are idiots

but also, Malfoy’s overemotional and loud

Theo hates loud people, and so he escapes

but that’s neither here nor there i can expand on that at another time

the important part is that Theo and Blaise grow up heckling and pushing and comparing each other

they each fixate on the other boy

Blaise becomes a ~ladies man~ and thinks, ha! another thing I can lord over Nott

but Theo gives no shits??? so Blaise starts sleeping with boys. Theo still gives no shits, and that’s so frustrating, because wasn’t Blaise the most important person in Theo’s life

this should lead to some self-evaluation, but lmao my children are emotionally constipated asf

anyways by now (fourth?? year?) their competitions have chilled and they have conversations about shit

they rationalize it to themselves like they’re “playing the long game” but it’s honestly become prime intellectual discussion

and they’re Slytherins, so no one likes them, so when they sit anywhere to study, unless Malfoy is around, then no one comes to bother them, and so they end up spending a disproportionate amount of time together

anyways as they get closer they accept each other into their “protect” circle without even realizing it

Draco bodily shoves Theo out of the way to reach for something and Theo visibly flinches, and Blaise just,, nopes

he slips a nasty charm onto Draco’s school robes, maybe itching powder or something? whatever it is, it’s long lasting and horrible but not obvious and vaguely mundane-seeming

no one notices, but Draco doesn’t do it again. Blaise assumes Draco thought it was Theo

someone insults Blaise’s mother, and their ink burst in their bag. happy accident

they get closer, and Theo runs away from home the summer after their…. fourth year, i want to say?

he’s 15 and his dad doesn’t care enough to chase him, and he’s got enough money in his trust fund to last him until he comes of age

and there’s no threat of disownment, because even if he was disowned, when his dad died the money would go to him anyways

he runs away and hops houses all summer

anyways he comes back after that and Blaise is upset because Theo hadn’t responded to any of those owls, and he was worried (don’t tell anyone)

they accidentally become closer and closer and eventually they start banging because Theo wants to know what it’s like but doesn’t want to waste time on finding someone willing and then the memory spells, and Blaise has already seen his scars, anyway

but that’s not what i love because there’s so many ways for them to get together

the cool part is the dynamic because

Blaise is an arrogant asshole, loves making people feel inferior

but he’s charming and suave

Theo? Theo’s an asshole, too, but in a totally different way. he’s cold, analytical, detached, until he talks, and then it’s cutting like

turn down for what plays in the background, people start dancing, the meme happens

Blaise is lazy, plays on emotions, Theo’s more obsessed with intelligence, they both have emotionally distant parents but in completely opposite ways, Blaise is a social butterfly and Theo doesn’t talk

anyways they’re gay and in love and complete assholes

thx this has been a psa

[remedialmassage]

Why Intoxication Did Not Make My Problems Go Away

“My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication–it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness.” – Franz Kafka.

To understand my story you need to understand me – I am almost 22. I’ve grown up in a family that has seen its fair share of good and not so good days. I am mostly quiet because I over-think way too much.

I believe love comes in different shapes and sizes. I believe in making real connections yet fear the pain that comes with it. I’ve met a countless broken-souls and heard their stories. I believe, ‘It takes one to know one’, and strive to live by it every day.

I have a lot of people who care very deeply about me, yet, at times I can’t help but feel a sharp sudden pain in my heart.

Now that you know me a little better it will make things a little easier for you to understand.

I began drinking when my school was about to end. The first time I drank I was 17. I was at a friend’s place and I drank most of it neat. It was whiskey.

I cried way too much that night. Believe it or not, it felt great. Primarily because I was so emotionally constipated. I needed an outlet.

The second time I drank was with my sister. I should have taken a couple of notes about my tolerance because that night I puked and passed out in my washroom. And if you’re wondering, yes, I cried again when I was all alone and my sister had passed out.

I don’t remember the third or the fourth.

After approximately the seventh time I graduated into an occasional drinker.

And that was that.

When I got admitted to one of the better colleges in the country that is when alcohol started having a more profound effect on my life. I drank when I was stressed, happy, anxious or sad. I attached intoxication to the happening or non-happening of a certain event.

See, as I look back, the reason becomes clear. My ego and pride had taken a huge hit when I cut corners to ensure my admission and I just wasn’t ready to deal with it. Hence, I turned to alcohol because I didn’t really have friends then.

College began and I met a hundred different people. I made it a point to go ahead and introduce myself to everyone in my sight.

Most of them thought I was pretty weird but I wanted to ensure college began on a different note. I was going to make some real connections in this new city.

And I did.

You see I believe that when things happen they happen all at once or not at all. Here I was making some real connections or trying to and then my family broke apart and it broke me instead. That is when things took a turn for the worse.

I am not at liberty to say more because it’s not really my story to share but yeah things at home weren’t as well as I would want them to be.

I was emotionally traumatized and things were still crumbling all over the place. I didn’t like college all that much and there was this constant emptiness within me.

Now understand something. I am not justifying anything. I am just trying to make you understand how it got worse. Also, I am in no way blaming anyone for my mistakes. It was all me and it is forever going to be. But maybe you’ll forgive me like I’ve forgiven myself.

So, I drove headfast into alcohol. One or two pegs turned into a small-bottle a day. A year later it turned into a liter.

Yet, even then, I would say it was manageable. People didn’t really know how miserable I was (at least I think they didn’t) and I was still breezing through.

The problem accelerated when my nightmares started. And it was surreal. I had never been through something like this before and I wish no one you know goes through it.

The problem with these nightmares was that they felt so incredibly real I stopped being able to tell the difference between a dream and reality. It began with maybe once a month. Its intensity and occurrence increased with time. There came a point when it became a daily thing.

At this point, I was so afraid to go to sleep I would stay up all night sometimes, go on with the next day, and finally sleep when my body was too exhausted. Even then I would sleep for a few hours because these dreams would wake me up.

By now you must have realized what I turned to for salvation – alcohol.

Every single day until I could not stand or I passed out drunk out of my mind I would drink. In the morning I would wake up with an incredibly painful hangover and go on with my day.

I would attend visits for my college fest, talk to people, plaster a smile and do what most people going through something do – Ignore it.

One fine night it got so bad that the morning after, with the support of my girlfriend, I sent three messages to the three most important people in my life – my mother, my father, and my sister.

I told them I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to see someone. Someone who knew what I was going through. And it had to be done immediately.

It didn’t take them long to take action. Some of the best doctors in the city were contacted. Money was transferred into my account. I went to my first therapist.

Now, I am not a huge fan of mental health experts. The reason for that is after having gone to so many in the past 24 months it always felt like they were in so much hurry. Sympathy stemmed from their voices and the answer was always – prescription drugs.

This one particular woman asked me a couple of questions and prescribed me around a hundred pills. I was to take three each day and one more if I had a sudden attack.

She was incidentally the first person to tell me what my condition was called – panic induced night terrors.

Soon after began the final chapter of this story – alcohol and prescription drugs.

I honestly don’t remember when exactly I started taking more than the prescribed limit but I remember how it began. Initially, it was one or two more each day. Then, when the nightmares didn’t stop I mixed them with alcohol. The high was something else. It made me weirdly happy.

But, the problem was it lasted for a really short time.

I started taking more and a host of problems followed. The nightmares became more frequent. I started having auditory and visual hallucinations in broad daylight.

I thought I was losing my mind.

I went to my therapist again. She increased my dosage.

The rock bottom was when one night I wanted to end my life. I took a bunch of pills and drank way too much.

And it is here I would like to tell you that I am so grateful to have been pulled from the deepest clutches of desperation by someone without whom I probably wouldn’t be alive today.

My parents were informed. I spoke to my sister. And the next day it was decided that I was going home. I was going to figure things out once and for all.

I left.

Back in my city, I met six different therapists, counselors, yoga experts and a bunch of other perceivable experts.

It was here that I met someone who explained why all this was happening. He told me the reason for it all was – alcohol.

Apparently, alcohol messes with your sleep pattern. Since you don’t get enough sleep, or even if you do it is disturbed, your brain becomes exhausted.

That is why the nightmares became so frequent and those hallucinations were making me feel as if I was losing my mind.

I went on a three-month sobriety break soon after. When the cravings would get really bad I would indulge myself with a beer.

I managed and got by.

Things slowly became better. Painfully slowly, but it did. I put systems in place to ensure that the nightmares don’t get to me.

Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, so, I did slip here and there. But very rarely. Very very rarely.

I drink once a week now. Mostly on weekends. I am much much better now and as I look back I get it. Here is what I know now –

Intoxication will not make your pain go away. If you’re intoxicating yourself to forget, you’re delaying the inevitable. Trust me. It will come back to bite you.

I know I should have dealt with things head-on. Even though it’s easier said than done but you’ll have to deal with it someday anyway.

I plagued by this constant emptiness inside me. I felt so utterly lonely – it’s difficult to explain. But, I did have a lot of people who actually cared. I was just not ready to even give them a chance. Try and reach out. You’ll be surprised by how many will give their best to make you better.

Share. Talk to people. Tell them what’s bothering you. You’ll be surprised by how many would understand or actually try to. If you’re going through a rough phase reach out. You are bigger than your ego or your pride.

If you choose to see an expert tell them the truth. I hid many things from most of the people I saw and that made the whole thing worse.

Just remember. Intoxication is just your way of distracting yourself from the truth. Don’t let it take over your life.

What helped you get over your addiction?

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