#anyway this is such a fucking melodramatic post lmao. like i mean all of it but also i'm like. shaking my head wryly at myself abt it.

[aeide-thea]

Wee Hour Sex Tho(ugh)ts cw

it really is like. tragic 2 be celibate when you don't want 2 be but also you're prohibitively socially phobic and living in the middle of (not-)fucking nowhere (with yr parent no less so it's just like. eternal child headspace. not actualized. definitely not sexy) and also you've been punting on the question of what ""post""-covid social interaction even looks like but you probably have to resolve that for yrself before you can do things that usually involve putting yr bare face on someone else's bare face

and also you can't really fuck somebody without like. having 2 be a person. which. see soc anx, above, but also like. wtf gender do i think i'm prepared to perform in bed. most options feel variously fake. really just want to like. lie down and be naked with somebody who wouldn't be put off by any of the possibilities so i could just. play around. feel it out (literally). also really i want to have known them for like. years already so i'd have any hope of not just performing Terrified Frozen Polite Eager-to-Please But-Too-Nervous-To-Be-Interesting-or-Admirable. blegh. basically just like. too many impossible criteria.

but unfortunately rubbing one out by yrself is just. not actually that fun. or like. i've been appreciating the distant second person (the only second person i've got!!) but. by myself i shd say bc maybe it is for you! but for me it's like. half the time my body doesn't even wake up properly unless there's somebody else there. also half the time i get lonely and/or sad afterwards when i'm by myself. need a buddy. :(

in conclusion yeah predictably i have been entertaining some glory hole fantasies but like. extremely obvious that for many reasons that scenario only actually fits the bill in fantasyland.

[tomatoluvr69]

Crazy funny thing happened in my life last week where I a) slammed into a confusing and unexpected brick wall of grief that knocked me the fuck out and b) got notified that I got a job I really wanted, out of a big pool of candidates, with better pay than posted. This is so funny because in all of the fugue state rotting and like, forcing myself to intake calories while sniffing and despondent, and crying in my car in various parking lots, I literally forgot to freak out and/or prepare for a new job beyond, like, the onboarding portal and whatnot. So I’m literally sitting here the night before, only finally fully grokking that I walk into a brand new terrifying environment full of unknown people, demands, and difficulties, plus the jarring nature (to me!!) of a mangled up, brand new routine. All I can do now is like, pack my meal, take a shower and try to sleep literally at all. Fully have to rawdog it. It’s just funny bc when I’ve wished before in times of transition (like a new semester, moving across states, other new jobs etc) that I didn’t routinely spend the week or two before the major upheaval in dread and volatile emotions…I did not mean “actually, please, I’d like to spend it motionless in my bed alternating between crying and blankness, and forcing myself at gunpoint to eat slop from the fridge that tastes like ash in my mouth for the barebones minimum of electrolytes and macronutrients” lol. Anyways new job tomorrow 🙄 literally anything could happen to me at this point and I’d be like “hm okay” lmao. This has been a melodramatic post but cest la vie…It’s been a wild month. But luckily it’s garden season verrrrrrry soon and that usually fixes me lol. Ok sorry I really should just get a diary at this point. But then my roommates could find it you know. Well they could find this too by checking the router history. But one is a gravedigger and one is a collegiate agroforestry instructor who don’t even know how to use the settings on their own damn iPhones. Ok time to stop typing. Wait this is my blog. I’m literally writing my web log. It’s fine. Ok goodbye for now 👍 time to do my stupid joint pain stretches and then get in bed to reblog :-)

[robinplayspokemon]

pokemon blue, day 2, part 1: viridian forest & pewter city

ok can we talk about all the boys awkwardly hitting on me in this game?

yes, i selectively cropped that. no, i'm not sorry. but also, hold that thought & stay tuned for one i didn't even have to crop later?

anyway. i took my time finishing up viridian forest & route 2 because i thought i was gonna need to do some grinding before taking on the first gym leader and his rock pokemon which i had literally no answer for in terms of type advantage. i probably didn't need to be nearly so cautious, but idk, i'm taking my time and trying to fill up my pokedex as much as possible anyway.

i was not very confident when i took on brock. but where 12-year-old me eschewed status effects & stat debuffs in favor of pure damage, i'm older & wiser now. i mean, i'm ngl, i'm oftentimes still pretty impatient with that stuff and still likely to just look for a type advantage if i can get one, but there was none to be had in this case so i brought in gale and just spammed sand attack until brock's geodude & onix didn't have a prayer of hitting the broadside of a barn, and with much less difficulty than i had anticipated considering the type matchups, i collected my first gym badge.

(note: this screenshot is from when i had to replay the whole beginning of the game but we messed with the save file to rebuild my pokemon collection so i wouldn't have to do all that grinding over again, so that's how i had a weepinbell this early in the game and why it doesn't quite match my text description of my original playthrough; more on that in a later post.)

i again took my time on route 4, catching every pokemon i could to work on filling up my dex, and battling every trainer. including this dude armed with one of the most infamous bits of pokemon dialogue ever:

and, like... fair enough? but then there's THIS guy, and remember that thought you were holding earlier? well...

yeah. this fucking dude is SO OFFENDED by not being able to see my bare legs that HE LITERALLY WANTS TO FIGHT ME, so uh thanks for that game freak?

(i'm 100% being melodramatic for effect, i am not this easily offended, ok? i would hope that's obvious but i'm worried it isn't so here's this little autistic interjection ok bye.)

anyway, during this grinding we got our first evolution!

which, y'know, i have to imagine metapod is a lot of people's first evolutions given how notoriously quickly bug pokemon evolve (it was ash's in the anime iirc? guess i'll see in a few days or whatever lmao), but still! exciting times.

anyway i kept on training and at least i wasn't about to randomly get hit on again and OKAY WHAT THE HELL

dude, i'm a BOTTOM, you're gonna want to invite me to dinner after kicking MY ass, not after i kick YOURS.

(also, note: this screenshot is once again from when i had to replay the whole beginning of the game but we messed with the save file to rebuild my pokemon collection so i wouldn't have to do all that grinding over again, so that's how i had a zubat before mt. moon; more on that in a later post.)

on a plus side...

even though she's one of my favorite gen 1 pokemon (by "favorite" i mean like top 25 or 30 or so, i fucking love gen 1 pokemon), i did end up stashing mothra after catching some more pokemon because like i said i wanna keep evolving them! i didn't release her, though, because i can see adding her back into the party after i've evolved and released a few others. i think she's a keeper regardless of whether she ends up in my elite four party, which as i'm thinking about all the pokemon down the line i still have to catch, feels kinda unlikely at this point?

regardless, my time on route 4 found me catching a spearow (i named him warbird) and a jigglypuff (named him cloud). after making short work of all the trainers between pewter city and mt. moon, i rested up at the pokemon center at the foot of the mountain, and me & my brave pokemon companions are ready to proceed.

new pokedex entries:

[shijiujun]

Hi I have a question about a tag I saw on some cnovel translations. It’s “Dog Blood,” which I think is a direct translation of the Chinese tag. One place I saw it was on a novel by priest called 锦瑟, if that helps. I couldn’t figure out how to find the meaning without reading a whole novel.

HAHAHAHA omg my friend, i’ve been wanting to do this post for a while, but anyway since you asked, i shall just go through some of the danmei/novel/cdrama genres or types below. it ain’t an exhaustive list at all, there’re plenty of variations, but you may see some of these on jjwxc, also feel free to add for others

[but before i go on a tangent, for 锦瑟 pipi’s description is 狗血仙侠 I think? means angsty, melodramatic, makjang (if you’re into kdrama) cultivation to become immortal types]

*some of the below are like, you’ll totally turn up your nose at it and go like what the fuck, and not that i consume some of these genres, and i have ZERO comment as to what these genres are and i don’t want to hear stuff about how immoral things are (which they, some of them really are) - i’m just adding it in so yall know what to look out for in jjwxc next time if you chance upon weird shit okay

and i know all of these by some unfortunate crash course by a friend who’s a weibo supertopic trawler:

甜／虐 tian／nue 

Sweet or angsty/suffering types.

宠爱 chong ai

Means one of the main characters/leads really, really dotes on the other person. Basically a sweet novel, excessively sweet one.

狗血 gou xie

Literally translated yes it means dog’s blood, but what this means is that it’s angsty as fuck, and melodramatic, a lot of parts that will make you want to like spit out blood, which is where the name sort of matches. It ranges from like main characters with shitty personalities, betrayal, a lot of heartbreak, have I mentioned blood-spitting angst HAHAHA because yeah that’s what I get. Sometimes death (temporary or fake or transmigration or otherwise) yeah you get it. It does not mean BE, it can be HE, but you’re in for a fucking ride

沙雕／搞笑 sha diao／gao xiao

This means humour, comedy! Rather safe, refers to light-hearted humour, meant to be funny hahaha

鸡汤 ji tang

Literally translated means chicken soup, and no this does not mean chicken soup for the soul type of novels - this is also used to mean humour but like meme-ish and more like in your face humour that’s dumb and smart at the same time. Like just ridiculous humour.

骨科 gu ke

LMAO okay this literally translated means orthopedist, like the doctor department u go to when you break a bone? AHEM in danmei or actually not just danmei, any sort of het books, if you see this it means incest. So most of us would steer clear of this. The name came about (don’t take my word for it, there are a few versions I’ve heard but this is the most common one I think) because this popular male blogger was on a livestream or smth, and then his father came into this room to basically break his leg because he found out that the guy was sleeping with his younger sister, and that’s how it got its name

Look, I don’t judge, but I’d totally run the other way if I see this on any novel description just saying hahaha

小白 xiao bai

Literally translated as Little White, but used to mean surface-level type novels or stories (commonly used to describe web novels or fan fiction oops hahaha) - No depth in storytelling or characterization, no overarching huge plot, not very creative either HAHAHA (but does this mean it’s not good?! we’ll leave the jury out for that one)

菠萝 bo luo

Literally means pineapple, the fruit lol, but it’s used as slang/euphemism for B (bo) L (luo) - BL novels HAHAHAH

清水 qing shui

PG-13 novels, no explicit plots or scenes or people etc.

傻子 sha zi

This is a bit of an iffy line as well, technically it’s used to mean like a main character (one of the main leads) is a bit like naive and innocent and a bit of a bimbo/himbo/thimbo - but I think recently there’s been a rise of novels where authors (not just danmei, also in het ones) take the ‘silly’ part one step further and one of the leads can be actually mentally ill or retarded - so if you see this, you may wanna find a second opinion to see what kind of book it exactly is, so you don’t get a shock :/ Some of them are written well and treat the issue of mental instability and illness properly, others use it as just a trope/plot point, yeah so it’s hard to tell.

Don’t even ask okay, don’t ask why this exists or why people write certain things I do not have the answer. 

And then there are types based on like the setting:

末世 Apocalyptic

明星 Entertainment Industry 

民国 Republican Era 

高干 Main lead comes from like the upper echelons of society

军 Military

生子 Preg/MPreg

机甲 Robotics

声优 Audio VA/Entertainment 

重生 Reincarnation

穿越 Transmigration

科幻 Sci-Fi

修真／仙侠 Immortal Cultivation / Xianxia

[phoebe-delia]

So not to be a creep but I’ve been checking your blog throughout the day to see when you’d be posting thoughts on the new TSwift songs.

I just saw your reblog to sitp-recs and YAY IM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HEARD “RUN!” AND IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT DRARRY!!

“Run like you’d run from the law”???? All the talk about keeping things secret and running away and hiding and no one understanding????

THATS MY BOYS 😭😭😭

(I’m sorry this was a lot but who else was going to understand?)

Anon,

I grinned when I got this ask. I honestly didn't think anyone would care that much about my thoughts on the songs, but if you're asking I'm more than happy to share! And if you're comfortable feel free to drop another ask or shoot me a DM with your own thoughts :)

First I'll give overall thoughts and then I'll delve into a few more specifics, as well as a tiny bit of Drarry stuff! This is going to be a lonnnggg post which I suspect very few people—if any—are really interested in reading. But if you are, then stick around! And please feel free to share what you think in the comments, DMs or ask box! <3

Overall I LOVED it. The production was amazing and very cohesive. And oh my goodness her VOICE has grown so so so much. It's hard to realize the difference when we just listen to stuff like folklore or evermore or even reputation, but her voice has developed a lot. It's a lot stronger than it used to be when she first recorded Red—and that's saying something because her voice was great then, too!!

Like with Fearless TV, it really felt like a more grown-up Taylor reflecting on her early life, and it was emotional to listen to this album now when I so vividly remember it coming out at the time. It's also so clear that Taylor had fun rerecording it. Her passion for her old music is always so wonderful to see—that she's not the least bit ashamed or shying away from her early work, because it feels like we really grew up with her, yk? And all the parts of ourselves—past and present—deserve to be celebrated.

Now for some specifics.

It was sooo fun to hear her say "who is taylor swift anyway?" in 22, and her little dialogue in WANGBT (although the "weeEE" in the chorus of WANGBT made me laugh a little lmao). And Stay Stay Stay was a lot better—don't get me wrong I liked the original too but this version was even better.

Also I LOVED Holy Ground. I loved that song before—I dedicated a fic to it in the TS/Drarry series!—but I was so satisfied with this version.

The Moment I Knew is and continues to be the melodramatic bop we all know and love. Girl at Home was good, but it was a bit of a shock. It's just so different from the original, and sonically it reminded me of 1989. Still, it was enjoyable.

Okay now the vault tracks:

Better Man and Babe?? incredible. Message in a Bottle is SUCH a bop (and I see some potential Drarry vibes 👀)

Also, I Bet You Think About Me is soooo funny and one of my favorite vault tracks. Forever Winter is so good and sad.

Run is SUCH ROA VIBES!!!! You said it perfectly so I won't add on more than to say it's like the theme song.

Nothing New—I was SO excited to see Phoebe Bridgers get a full verse!! The song itself is also just amazing. love it.

The Very First Night is also a bop. Really fun and a great vibe.

Okay. Now for the song we've been wanting for 9 years: ATW 10 minute version.

I was floored. I knew I would be. I mean she wrote a 10-minute version of my favorite song?? I was shook.

The lyrics are incredible (although I'm a little confused by the "fuck the patriarchy keychain" part, but my theory is that it's a little Picture to Burn reference bc of the "stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive" and now with Jake being like "you drive idc." That's my theory but she also released keychains with that phrase on it, so. idk.)

Okay but the REST of it. There are too many lyrics to point out, but she really holds nothing back and it's just a tour de force. I also loved her harmonizing with herself instead of the other voices that were there in the original.

The only other thing I'll say about this song is that I've added one more songfic to the plan for the TS as Drarry series ;)

Anon thank you SO much again for the ask. It means more than I can quite say that you like my blog and care enough to hear my thoughts. I started this blog and began writing the fics in hopes that I'd reach people like you! <3

[morwensteelsheen]

farawyn and borodred for the ship ask game thing?

thank you so much!! :)

okay i’ll start with borodred because for some unfathomable reason i actually got there first —

1. What made you ship it?

One of my favourite Types of ships is the Elder Statesmen Of War-type set-ups, where it’s less about people brought together through theatrical romantic gestures and more about the steadiness of people who are going through similar (immensely difficult) circumstances, who know that in their hearts they’re always going to put their duty to that cause first, but still seek out human comfort in other people who will understand what their priorities are and why.

I think there’s also a lot of similarities about the kind of helplessness they both face despite having this tremendous innate strength. Both of them still have to deal with family dynamics that are complex (made more complex by the war) and that can’t be fixed just by their own sheer will power; both of them die these utterly unnecessary deaths (not that death makes a ship but I think in this instance it actually points to the constant tragedy these guys face); and both of them are meant to be the principal figures of their families and people and are ultimately sidelined by the cruel mechanisations of war and the forward march of history or whatever wanky term there is for it — my apologies to ep thompson's ghost, dont haunt me bro.

Plus there’s obviously the interesting thread raised when Faramir starts bitching about Gondor and likens Gondor (and by very explicit extension, Boromir) to Rohan. That always made me go ‘Hmmmmmm, wonder what else Boromir liked about Rohan,’ lmao.

Anyways for me the ship is the equivalent of Star Wars’ Kanan and Hera or (my OTP to end all others) Luke and Wedge, just people getting by on love and duty and without big ol fancy romance.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

The fanon, I think, really makes it, as with so many other LOTR ships. battlefield manners, by themightypen is essentially the definitive take for me on them — these two guys who are just so fucking exhausted, man, but still overcome by defensive love for their families, even if their (foster-)siblings are naïve fools. That I just love, love, love. Plus I think they’re unique for their ability to pretty comfortable explore the relationship between Gondor & Rohan in advance of the Ring War without having to stray too far into AU, which I always appreciate.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Not really, tbh, except in that I don’t think Boromir is necessarily as laddy as people like to portray him. I’m happy to play into it in, say, my modern AUs because I think that’s a fun and sweet niche for him, but I am a bit 🤪 about Boromir as this kind of reckless, drunken playboy (not least because I think that’s a much funnier niche for Faramir to fill, at least when he’s younger). Chapter Four of Swaddledog’s Hearts and Minds gets my preferred Boromir characterisation absolutely spot on, I think.

And now, sigh, the ultimate OTP, Farawyn —

1. What made you ship it?

For starters, I think I am obsessed with Éowyn in a way I’ve never quite been obsessed with any other fictional character. I came to reading LOTR at this moment in my life where I was intensely frustrated about everything — trapped inside permanently (helplessly!) because of the pandemic, just starting a new political organisation that I truly believed in but that was still making me feel like shit, facing down an untenable about of work, and, fundamentally, really, really hating being a woman and what that means. And along comes Éowyn, who is bitter, who is cold, who is ANGRY, and who doesn’t perform joy or softness or gentleness just because people expect her to. She’s this seminal Woman Of War in so many ways, I think the kind of person a lot of us wish we could be. She’s got her emotional taps cut off at the source, she holds her head high and faces down unimaginable personal and political terrors, and at the end of it all still has this abiding love for her family that, I would argue, is almost unparalleled by anyone else in the book.

After all that, she gets this incredible moment of emotional catharsis (or what we expect to be emotional catharsis): “no living man am I!” She undertakes THE greatest martial act of the Ring War, and in that moment there’s this unbelievably sophisticated dialogue happening about gender (“Éowyn it was, and Dernhelm also”), and leadership (Merry finding his courage not because of the immediate scenario of the Witch-king, but because he’s spurred into it by Éowyn’s presence), and love and care.

And then we learn that no, actually, this glorious act of violence wasn’t the emotional catharsis we thought it would be. She gets to ride to war, she gets to throw herself headlong at death, and in the end that hopeless act of individualism isn’t really what does it for her. She’s still left desolate and despairing, and actually all of her problems haven’t gone away.

And then we need to rewind a bit, because along comes Faramir, who is gentle, and is kind, and does seem to believe in joy, but not because people expect it — actually it's made abundantly clear nobody expects it — but because it’s something quite innate to how he figures the world. And he’s a huge fucking nerd too. I have a lot of thoughts on Faramir’s flaws and why I find them endearing, which I won’t put here, but almost immediately you get this sense of a guy who’s quite melodramatic, good humoured, and very much not made to live in a time of war.

But he’s also clear-headed about war and what it requires (tactically, if not strategically, though that’s a post for another day), but who is kind of cynical and weary of it in his own unique way. And it’s a unique cynicism given his personal circumstances because he’s the second son of The great family of Gondor, he’s apparently — though with some big ol’ question marks hanging about the extent — very able to command some of the elite units in the realm, and what’s more than that, he’s got all these fantastical powers (the light mind reading to start, to say nothing of this apparently magical ability to command animals too. bruh.). By all accounts he should be this brazen hot mess, but he’s not. He’s desperate to claw his way out of this war-torn cage of expectation his people have for how a man should comport himself in time of war. Is it a little naïve? Sure. A little fussy? Absolutely. But does it point to that same desperation that Éowyn has? Yes! But also the practicality, like, neither of them are really enjoying the circumstances they live under, but good fucking god are they both able to Make It Work.

So finally we get to the Houses of Healing and what is the finest and most aggressively romantic writing of LOTR. Seriously, it’s so fucking much. It’s breathtaking. It reminds me quite viscerally of this fabulous quote from Les Mis:

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.

At some point I will devote more time to talking about the two reasons line, and the blissful Queen of Gondor speech, but I think to me that big, important line is: “And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”

It’s not about Éowyn changing herself entirely (though, I think, it really does bear mentioning that she does change, and that’s every bit as important to understanding that scene as it is romantic), it’s about Éowyn coming to terms with how to live with herself as herself, and how to live in communion with someone else. She can’t just cut people out anymore, and she can’t just treat them as objects of infatuation as she did with Aragorn, she has to reckon with people as they are. And that’s sort of the moment where I knew I was about to plunge fully off the deep end with these two and never know a moments’ peace again, lmao.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Someone on here once called Farawyn a love letter to women and, by god, yes, exactly that. I love the capacity for emotional intimacy, that is beautiful in ways I can’t express. To me, though, my favourite thing is the promise of life they speak of. Not as in oh they shag loads and have babies (though not opposed to that, obviously), but in the sense that unlike Aragorn and Arwen, who are always going to be buried under/burdened with the crushing weight of history and tradition, Éowyn and Faramir are going out yonder those hills and they’re going to do some real cottagecore farming shit. Obviously with all the trappings of rank and nobility and whatnot, but they, unique to anybody else in the books, get to sow this new idea of what life should be. They are, outside of Aragorn, the single most powerful people in Gondor. Éowyn’s got the ear of a king, a steward (which is essentially a prime-ministerial deal here), and functionally her own prince (if the hobbits are to be believed when they refer to it as essentially hers). I suspect that, in life, there were remarkably few arguments she wasn’t winning, and that Ithilien probably trended towards the jumped up noble hippie camp Tolkien so desperately wanted Oxford to be (or, in other words — Cambridge, lol).

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Yeah, man, everybody stop treating Faramir like he’s a big fucking crybaby and Éowyn like she’s some kind of shrieking 2010-era tumblr girl.

One of the single most important lines defining Faramir’s character is when Denethor roasts his ass for always trying to appear noble and lordly, if you ignore every other piece of textual evidence we have about him, what part of that line makes you think Faramir’s some simpering daisy? And why would you want to link tremendous emotional intelligence and care with being too limp-wristed to function, lol??? Like I struggle loads with writing Faramir, because I have never once in my life tried to be noble or self-restrained, so find it hard to get into that mindset, but better, I think, to imagine him too closed off than to do this wilting flower song and dance lmao.

And stop making Éowyn out to be this over-emotional angst machine. She’s got problems, yes, and she’s sure as shit got a lot of angst, but at almost every point in the book where we’re overtly dealing with her emotions, she’s sublimating them into something else. One of the most serious times we see her cry is when she’s fighting with Aragorn about riding out, and after that moment she literally tries to kill herself. Those tears aren’t standard, man, that’s a real watershed (lol) moment for her. You have to read around what the text is saying to get a better feel why everybody’s constantly calling her cold and distant.

[albatris]

rambles, here are some of them

not the rambles I mentioned the other day and might still post at some stage, these are some different rambles, these are just some wandering thoughts and me thinking aloud, all subject to change

there is some. interesting. ground to cover in terms of Marrick potentially working with the DII

it makes a lot more sense in terms of the plot, and clears up how he gains access to certain things, and how he gets some of the information he has, how his plans play out, etc...... and also makes his involvement with Avery and Noa and some of the other people who work/have worked in the sorta base levels of the DII make a lot more sense in terms of it not being “too convenient”

and I don’t think he works For Them, necessarily, maybe just In Cooperation With, maybe just someone who was off doing interesting work and making a bit of a name for himself, and the DII thought that certain avenues of his research could be beneficial to them so they were like “hey you’ve got some solid stuff going on here, we’d be happy to help you out with resources and support if you continue and work in conjunction with us” or something like that

which is good for them and good for Marrick, like, it’s in the DII’s best interests to stay in the loop with whatever new information is coming to light about the apocalypse and its various manifestations and Marrick’s niche area of interest is something they’re keen to see explored, and it’s in Marrick’s best interest ‘cause jumping on board with the DII means he’ll have access to a lot of money and resources and information he didn’t have access to before and he can do Bigger and Better and More Interesting stuff

and like. obviously there’s some screening involved like they’re not just gonna hand some random guy all this stuff and be like “go wild”, like......... I’d like to emphasise that Marrick starts being shifty as hell LONG after he’s initially brought on board, and he kinda? starts using some of these resources to do his own kinda dodgy secret work in addition to whatever else

and like! oh, as a general rule, Marrick is completely on board with Helping Everyone, but it’s more like................ y’know, his first and foremost priority is self-preservation. it’s a good look for him to be like “I want to find a way to help everyone!” when in reality it’s more like, he’s looking for a way to help himself, and by extension, his findings will help others. but he doesn’t care about that and when push comes to shove, and will absolutely throw everyone else under the bus if it means he can save himself

so yes he helps the DII out but he’s also gone kind of rogue and is doing a lot of other shifty stuff he doesn’t tell the DII about, stuff that’s a little more morally iffy

and I’d like to talk about the DII some, now, because like

in general

there’s a lot to be said about how the DII is also.......... not....... great? its end goal is......... fine. good, even. like, they are genuinely truly trying to solve problems caused by the apocalypse and find a way to mend things and help the world deal with its effects. I would say their goal is pretty decent. but like. they tend to pour resources into two things

the first being The Bigger Picture

in terms of, like, y’know......... the future! the grand scheme! Here’s What We’re Doing To Ensure Tomorrow Is Better! which is absolutely not a bad thing on its own but there’s so much focus on this big abstract concept of The Future and not, y’know, the very real horrors and struggles that people are going through right now. which is also something the DII exists to deal with. there’s an issue with the DII as a whole largely not caring about the people who are currently living their lives facing the brunt of the apocalypse head on, and there’s definitely......... like, this absolutely includes the field teams and branches of the DII that have to actually go out and deal with Ports and Port-related emergencies directly, these folks r largely viewed by the organisation as vaguely expendable, they’re a necessary sacrifice, some loss is unavoidable, blah blah blah, and most importantly there are always going to be broke desperate people around to fill the gaps

and there’s a HUGE difference in the amount of resources and attention and support given to field teams in, say, places that have less Ports, places that still have an image of being relatively stable and safe, where the DII wants to Keep It Safe And Stable At All Costs, vs. places that are collapsing at the seams and that the DII views as essentially a lost cause and not worth the cost or stress, but they still have to fill a certain quota so they just sorta toss people in there like Hey Good Luck

n on that note, the second thing is, like.......... just Maintaining An Image

which is a HUGE running theme throughout the entire story on an interpersonal level too and that's a whole other post, this idea of an image being projected vs the reality of the situation, and the damage caused by just..... not seeing, or not being seen, or refusing to see, or being deprived of the right to be seen

but in terms of the DII it's about maintaining some illusion of safety and control, trying to keep everyone calm and avoid panic, which again.... not necessarily bad? but they're more interested in projecting the image that they Have Things Under Control, so they pour resources into things that will lend themselves to that competent and stable image, rather than perhaps things that need it more

because, and this is key, the DII has NO FUCKING IDEA what they’re doing

they don’t know fucking SHIT. they are only slightly less in the dark than the rest of the population and they are terrified and they have no idea how to solve this mess, and they’re trying to, like............. figure out the source of the apocalypse, figure the best way to combat it, find out what the fuck Ports are....... and like, yeah that’s a lot of pressure! and they’re I guess kind of scrambling to deal with this while keeping everyone from freaking the fuck out and yeah I guess it is a lot

and in their eyes I guess they don’t have the Time or Resources to care about anything other than the bigger picture which is....................... hm. bad

BUT WAIT HOLD ON OK I GOT OFF TRACK

Marrick working in conjunction with the DII, that’s what this post was originally about, uhhhhhh

there’s some interesting and perhaps valuable ideas to explore in terms of like

do they intentionally turn a blind eye? do they know that Marrick is most likely hiding something from them or doing something a little less than morally upstanding, but are deliberately choosing not to look into it? or like. do they NOT know at all, and when they find out are they like “hey that’s bad and not what we roped you in here to do and we want no part of this”

‘cause with the latter, there’s a LOT to be explored then in terms of like

the DII’s willingness to sorta..... passively allow people to come into/wander into harm’s way for the quote unquote “greater good”, being viewed as “collateral” or “unavoidable tragic loss”.......... vs how quick they are to voice their aversion to and disgust with someone Actively Causing Harm to others for the quote unquote “greater good”

but then with the FORMER there’s also like.......... with the idea that they’re choosing not to look into something they highly suspect is shifty as fuck, there’s this infinitely more grim idea of like. maybe they’re down for this kind of thing in theory provided it’s done quietly because it’s a Necessary Sacrifice and a Small Price To Pay, but condemn this current situation purely because it turns big and loud and public and they know it will look bad if they don’t

which is something I’ll definitely need to brush upon as a theory regardless but might not exactly confirm one way or the other

anyway actually dudes I originally went to type this post intending to make a stupid joke because I was considering marrick working with the DII's resources and thought the mental image was fun if he was like........ 

giving his dumb melodramatic cartoon supervillain monologue and being like "oh you think the DII will help you?? they've been in on this all along" like some kind of gotcha, and then the DII being like "dude no??? this is what you've been doing???? this is not what you told us you were doing?? you're definitely going to prison???? what the fuck???" and marrick being just like "oh :("

which I think is fucking funny as a concept but only works as funny in a situation where the DII aren't just entirely as terrible. passively or actively or otherwise

so no that joke no longer stands lmao. ‘cause like. either way it goes with the DII the implications are bad, y'know, like, even if the DII is like "oh fuck that's bad we don't want any part of this" they still.... allowed it to happen? and there's again the question of moral obligation, of What And Who Are Expendable and whether actively causing harm is worse than passively allowing it to happen in your name

and typing this post up is like

hm

this is all. a lot

I feel like I'm not equipped to handle writing this kind of thing even though I think it's definitely the direction it needs to go, like

there's a lot of other intense things going on and I'm fine with the interpersonally intense and much kinda.... smaller level themes but this is kind of Saying Something with a bit of direction and force and idk if I'm a smart enough writer or if I have enough finesse to tackle it????? i feel like there's a lot of nuance involved and I'm gonna have to do a lot of work which is fair

there's just a lot happening and I'm a whole dumbass and it all needs A Lot Of Further Consideration

[superjennysunshine]

Day 9: Day 7 - Revelations.

Today was fun. Xenoblades been fucking amazing so far and I’m still looking forward to playing it everyday, unfortunately FF14 has taken a backseat to it but I’ll return once i finish up Xenoblade.

So lets talk about day 7 huh.

I said I didn’t have a post for day 7 cause it was a bad day and that’s partially a lie. It was mostly an average day until I wrote out the post for day 7, at which point it became a bad day.

I didn’t really know what to write on day 7. I tried a couple things and none of them seemed to work and as I kept deleting paragraphs everything kept getting a little more raw and emotional, Attempt 2 was more emotional and raw than attempt 1. Attempt 3 more than 2, etc. On my fourth try I found what I was looking for, that feeling when you’ve struck literature gold and your just typing away filling the page with word after word of exactly what you wanted to convey.

But then I realized something. What I was writing sounded exactly like a suicide note. The first sentence was “I just wanted them to know how I felt.” later i wrote “I want them to know none of this was there fault, there was nothing they could’ve done.” and I started balling in my room, my door was open so I was biting down on my lip, tears streaming down my face as I wrote this letter. Finally I reached an end after 4 paragraphs and just sat there crying.

Ultimately I didn’t post that letter for day 7, of course, and I’m better now, I know that probably doesn’t sound like much coming from me, especially with events as of late, but I do feel better than I did then. But thinking back to it, It felt so final. It was so filled with anger and bitterness toward the world, some sort of lamenting tantrum at everyone who would’ve read it. It read like the words of someone who was about to die and it scared me. Still does today, which I guess is a good thing. 

I think about my own death a lot, hell I daydream about it nearly on the regular. I feel like I’ve told at least one or two people that but I’ve never told them specifically what I think about. I have two separate death dreams.

The first is the Car Dream. In the car dream, I’m driving, on some street near a closed gas station, when all of the sudden i get in a head on collision. there’s glass stuck in me all over, im bleeding out of my ears and my eyes are open wide in shock. I crawl out of the car and lay on the ground by the door, staring up into the sky as the dream camera very cinematic like floats up into the air as David Bowies’ Heroes plays. Melodramatic as hell I know. But that’s how it plays out every single time I have the car dream.

Btw David Bowie makes great credit music. Heroes, Moonage Daydream, Life On Mars they all have such an ending type of vibe too them, like you’re watching someone walk off the field in an 80′s movie. Or in my case die in a fucking car accident lmao.

Anyway..

The other is the Funeral Dream. In the funeral dream I’ve already died. Everyone I expect would be at my real life funeral is there all dressed up to the nines. It’s in the same funeral home as my dads, I guess because it was the last funeral home I vividly remember the look of. There’s no service or anything but there is a closed casket and a television. The Television turns on and a video begins playing. It’s animated the first I hear is Blue by Yugo Kanno, the ending track to Cowboy Bebop. Another very good credit song, mainly because it’s used in the series finale credits. The similarities don’t stop there, as a huge blue sky plays a pivotal role in the plot of this little animation. There’s a shot of me in a hospital bed, presumably in this dream I die of some sort of illness. Don’t know if I’d take it over a car crash but that’s a quandary for another day. I wont go into too much detail about the events leading up to the end of the video. But when the ending crescendo of Blue begins i start running up the side of the hospital, and jumping into the sky, and as the song ends I fly away, only to be seen watching the world below me while sitting on a cloud. It mirrors this picture from the ending of All Star Superman, which makes sense because it’s my favorite image a comic I love, and is also about someones death.

The video is honestly, quite beautiful. It’s stirred tears out of me more than a couple of times.

I’ve had revelations about these dreams recently. In both of them I’m killed by something completely out of my control. An Unstoppable Illness, and An Unseen Oncoming Vehicle. I go away to music, ending music, ending music I love, and in the funeral dream I get closure. I watch the reactions of the people I love and I watch them leave. Knowing that their lives will continue on.

A resolute end. A goodbye.

This entire break I’ve been dreading returning to my friends lives not because I hate them or anything but because It would make it so much harder to leave. I’ve felt exhausted of living for so long, since before I even knew any of them, though I didn’t know that back then. But I got involved in these peoples lives I became something to them no matter how small or big that thing might be I AM something. It all makes senses. I stop talking to my guitar teacher, I brush off every compliment that comes my way, I chuckle and say a half assed thanks when people show me genuine love, I confine myself to my room and never speak to anyone, because I’m trying to prepare. Whether all of it means to prepare to just disappear or kill myself is a question I don’t have the answer to.

The more important question is, now that I’ve figured it all out, how do I feel about it?

Idk. I don’t wanna die, not today. Not right now. I did on day 7. Will I tomorrow? Maybe.

Truthfully, I have no Idea how to process any of this information or what i want to do with it. emotionally I want to go through with it, just POOF out of peoples lives and chill either in this room alone or in the ether. Logically I don’t want to do any of that because that sounds fucking insane.

Idk man. Shits crazy.

[gaygwenpool]

*slams fists on table* MYSTELEON

I knew you wouldnt disappoint! :D  tho you already know most of these lmaoo  lotsa credit to @herbofoo anyway, i dont remember which of these you came up with but Patchwork wouldnt be the same without your Good Good Content! (And of course thanks for all your patience as i cry about comics lmao)

I’ve lost all shame long since ive started shipping them so brace yourself for the self-indulgent cheese that is Chameleon/Mysterio in my Patchwork verse. (its reallly. really Melodramatic. i gave up all pretense.. also under the cut cuz its long..)

ask meme

Who cooks:

Mysterio! Although Chameleon is objectively The Superior Cook thanks to the long years of being a servant to picky russian nobility BUT exactly because of that, he really doesnt enjoy it, even less when cooking for others and not just himself. So it is usually Beck who prepares meals (that are not bad either, they are just simpler) but as often as they can, they eat out. That said, Cham is very well aware Quentin loves his cooking so sometimes, he makes them something. (Being sick isnt so bad when it means Chammy bringin you a big bowl of hot borscht :)

On the other hand, Cham has quite a sweet tooth which Q notices Fast and decides to learn how to bake. It took more effort and failed tries than it could have, mostly because he got cocky, how hard could this be and just. kept forgetting he put stuff in the oven.. But now he makes quite delicious cookies n cakes which make Dmitri almost tear up because tasty + Quentin baked something Specifically for him?? 

Who does the laundry and other chores:

Mysterio’s laundry is usually booby trapped so he has to clean it himself and he doesnt even let Cham near it. And he keeps forgetting gadgets in his civvies. Not to mention that again, for the same servant reason, Cham really doesnt enjoy house chores in general, so he usually just gets his own clothes cleaned somewhere else (especially since his fancy suits and even fancier gowns are the highest quality and delicate materials, he doesnt even Know how to clean them..) 

As for the rest of the chores, its pretty balanced, although Cham has more of an eye for things that needs to be cleaned up (and Beck already has cooking duties) so he does a tad more. 

How many children do they have + Any pets:

In my Patchwork universe there’s a whole Thing about Leon, the Chameleon of the Ultimate universe but I’ve tried to type up a short summary and failed, it’s a long story lmao ^^;; and anyway he isnt exactly their kid, he is just much younger than them and they ended up sorta mentoring him. 

However, they have Celavi, the escaped ex-spy beluga.(Yes, it started as a joke based on this post that accidentally grew more and more serious until @herbofoo and me were too attached to let it go) She counts pretty much as their adopted daughter that they both spoil to hell and back, I mean no surprise, she saved Cham’s life once and sometimes, she helps out with heists. (Mostly for the show, you should have SEEN the look on Spider’s face when a beluga splashed him. He is used to humanoid sharks, to Hydroman.. not like. real life beluga that LAUGHS at him) Beck’s voice: “Dont you dare to insult her, SHE IS PERFECT AND FLAWLESS and A GOODNESS INCARNATE!! -she is literally a deserted russian spy that was trained to gather everything that could be used to harm USA-yea, i have a soft spot for those ;)“

She was always surprisingly clever so she never really counted as a “pet” and at one point, she even bonds with a symbiote (together they are Vague, again long story ah ha). They dont talk but have quite some range of vocalisations so communication isnt a problem. 

Who’s more dominant: 

They both have pretty dominant strong personalities (ok chameleon’s a bit more complicated with that but like.) with big egos who dont like others questioning their superiority. (Of course not at the level of like Doc Ock etc, they are surprisingly flexible and good team players that can be willing to let someone else take the spotlight if they are Nice) But the whole point of their relationship is that neither of them is dominant over the other, they get enough of that literally everywhere else. It’s very reassuring to be so sure that they are on equal footing, cooperating, no hidden nooses around their neck. Especially in their line of work of course! 

(Also, for the other interpretation of this question: anythin remotely sexual happens Pretty Late in the story and both of them are somewhere on the ace spectrum so it doesnt happen that often but they are both verses tho Beck bottoms more)

Favorite nonsexual activity:

MOVIES!! Sprawled on the giant comfy couch, closer than technically needed, cuddling and watching old movies with great special effects and/or great actors! Listening to Beck excitedly rant through the most dramatic speech of the story as he explains how the next cliffhanger is done with hydraulics! Focusing so hard on the stars in his eyes and his excited tone and gestures and just the tone of his voice you forgot to listen to the words themselves! Watching Cham’s face flawlessly mimic the faces on the screen in a blink of an eye and secretly guessing which one will he pick next. Feeling his head slowly fall on your shoulder, eyes closed, his mask smooth but not tense, instead just.. peaceful. Slight ping of annoyance, after all, this is A Classic movie dammit, but it’s gone in a second because Mitya hasnt slept since thursday and you are just relieved he is finally getting his rest. Feeling his warmth under your hand on his shoulders and suddenly never ever wanting to get up again.. EHM. anyway

PLANING HEISTS TOGETHER!! and more or less successfully executing them but planning is actually even more fun aside from the Big Reveals and Entrances which are actually harder to coordinate than one would think! 

Lots of shobiz/job talk actually, they really enjoy what they do! Lots of people already mentioned that in their hc compilations but i agree, they love goin to see all kinds of movies and plays and performances as well as acting various scenes with one another!  

Their favorite place to be together:

NEW YORK CITY BABEYY. Sure they love to travel and see other countries (and cause mayhem there) but.. they love their mess of a city, it’s never the same without the webhead around as well as the bazillion of other heroes n villains bashin each other’s heads. 

Any traditions:

Oh so many pop culture references and inside jokes, oh my god. One time, they spent the entire heist (and its planning period) speaking strictly in famous movie lines and titles, Max and other sixers tried to join but didnt last too long :’D 

Beck also has a habit of taking pictures of people with Interesting faces or styles he sees and sends them to Cham. Also another fanon classic: together they have a running game, disguising themselves as moderately famous people and the other guessing who..

Their “song”:

‘This is me’ from the Greatest Showman, i just live for the two of them singin it in Cham’s car,off key but fully immersed and living it. 

What they do for each other on holidays:

Neither of them are religious but that doesnt stop Beck from going ALL OUT at any opportunity, Sin Six doesn’t do any heists around holidays because you Know he’d make them dress for the occasion or worse, write them themed lines…�� They still meet for Christmas and Hanukkah and sometimes other holidays too because this is my AU and you can pry festivities-related shenanigans from my cold, cold hands. It’s always at Beck’s place tho because he can turn his hideout into the tackiest holiday-themed showcase but he aint roping them into it.  

On the other hand, Cham despises American commercialized holidays in general and Christmas time especially, since it’s not a big thing in Russia and  also once again, he has family issues for days. (Although relatively speaking, he is pretty over these, he is not gonna like mope around or anything) 

Anyway, what they do for each other is that they try to compromise, Dmitri doesnt sneer at stupid kitsch decorations every 5 minutes and Quentin ..chills a little. :’D To be fair, Beck makes everything fun and having Cham there makes Beck appreciate the details more instead of just goin into BETTER!BIGGER! frenzy.

Where did they go for their honeymoon:

After the fuckin Ages of pinning, when they finally end up together for realsies, they wanted somethin Big and Flashy! (Well Beck wanted and Cham kinda too but also with the option to merge with the crowd unnoticed and take some chill time) Anyway they went on a whole world wide tour! Starting with a luxury cruise, they took their time, lots of crime sprees to plan and execute, lots of local shows to see, lots of dumb heroes to fool, they’re gonna have it all! 

Where did they first meet:

Around the time when Cham and Hammerhead had their criminal empire running Fisk to the ground, Otto decided the Sin Six should team up with them for their ressources needed on one heist or something. They agreed but Cham insisted on actually going in the field, it’s been a while since he really stretched his face legs like this and the mafia life was starting to bore him. Doc made him team up with Mysterio much to the fishbowl’s dismay because why do they need another disguise artist?? He is the Master Of Illusions dammit, he can run circles around this guy, what the fuck Otto?? So at the start, he pouts and fumes under his helmet and in general he is his v unpleasant self but… He can’t help but notice that the new guy is a real professional, he even uses Traditional masks, he likes the same movies… And most importantly, he is actually interested in Mysti’s craft, asking questions and even LISTENING to his long winded answers… At one point he even wondered if that X thing was meant as a HOMMAGE to the Y movie, the Six never did that!! (Usually the rest of the sixers dont know the reference, heathens, and when they do, they mock him for it, that he’s copying ideas and mixin them ridiculously.  BUT THIS GUY GETS IT!!) So it doesn’t take long for them to hit it off, of course at this point without any real Trust behind it but it’s a start. 

(Though Beck does pay a visit to Otto like, buddy pal i know you’ve been planning on manipulating these crimelords to your end somehow and honestly, any other day i’d be down, i actually had a robot prepared for my own backstab but i was thinking they werent that bad and maybe we Could hold our end of the bargain this time and just. leave each other on good terms? Mabye? Obviously it’s purely out of respect for our teammate Kraven since him and Chameleon seem to have some history, nothing more, definitely nothing to do with how bright Cham’s eyes were when i was showing him the back of my stage… ) 

What do they fight over:

this whole post has been a mountain of cheese but im bringing more! Honestly, goin through my notes on Patchwork, their biggest arguments have always been about.. the other one not taking proper care of himself :’D Or them lashing out because they were scared and worried about the other and they cant stand being so vulnerable while the other pretends it’s not a big deal because they dont know how to handle genuine concern directed at them. 

Do they go on vacations, if so where:

GIVE!!! BECK!!!! HIS!!!! ISLAND!!!!!!They actually do have one, it’s where Celavi spends most of the time and they visit her often. But never for too long, neither of them can actually spend too long doing nothing.. 

[pepprs]

[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!

aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!

that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!

so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:

ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name

my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still

my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!

SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)

but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!

and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.

that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.

SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG

[intothespideyverses]

so I had a season 2b/3 predictions post in my drafts that’s been sitting there since the bar mitzvah episode but now that so many Things have happened I feel like I kinda need to redo it. funnily enough I predicted juffy (but it was one-sided), ham having a midlife crisis (although the midlife crisis was linked to ham having a health scare that caused him to try to ‘live every day like its his last’ and not ham being so Done with his family that he just leaves them for india) and the post also mentions tyrus and g*briel coming back (neither have been been confirmed yet but they’re very likely) so! here’s my New and Improved list of Season 3 Predictions/Ideas:

[Disclaimer: I doubt a lot of this will happen bc my mind automatically goes for the most melodramatic scenario. This is still disney channel and they’re too cowardly to go thru with like half of this tbh. also tw for minor abuse mention!]

The G*briel Plot

-g*be comes back and reminds bex of “””why she can never marry anyone””” just as bowie is about to bring up maybe getting back together again. the reason why they shot a wedding scene and the whole green screen thing is bc bex has a nightmare about marrying bowie but then everyone’s heads turn into gabe’s. the following is literally copy and pasted from the first post and tbh I don’t think things will happen this way anymore (I originally thought miranda wasn’t going to be a snake and that her and bowie would get married, leading bex to run back to g*briel so andi could have a father figure in her life again) but it’s still a p interesting plot I think so: g*be’s an abusive asshole. it’s still disney so I doubt they’d show that much but like…he’s very manipulative and he kisses bex really hard all the time in front of everyone and he’s super possessive, etc. he gives bex the silent treatment every time she hangs out with bowie and thus the whole “ask if they’re mad 3 times” thing and on the third time he always yells at her in front of andi. andi notices all of this and tells bowie but bowie thinks she’s just saying that to break bex/gabe up so she can get back with bowie. that is until he witnesses the tomfoolery himself when the couples are on a double date so bowie takes her aside and starts questioning her but bex lies and this whole ugly thing continues on for several episodes until bex and satan have one last fight that goes too far (he says something about andi probably) thats about to get physical and andi strolls in w/ a phone in her hand like 91 fucking 1 bitch. pack your bags ur going home rat! and he’s finally gone and andi tells bex that she doesn’t need another dad if it means bex puts herself thru that kinda torture. and they have another closure ceremony <3

The Divorce Plot

-ham decides to permanently travel the world. he probably comes back for an episode to get cece to sign them divorce papers. this starts a huge plotline that will probably get ignored after 2 episodes lbr here but we finally see cece SNAP bc the way she’s been behaving lately has definitely been leading up to that

-bex is going off the rails at this. she starts slacking at work and the business that caused the rift in her parents’ marriage in the first place is starting to fall apart. the light bill is going unpaid and bex is crumbling. she doesn’t want anyone to know so she makes andi stay at cece’s while she’s living in darkness. bowie visits one day and is like “tf happened to the lights” and bex has a breakdown. she tells him everything and bowie comforts her and offers to help (how? who the hell knows!). bex is so touched that she admits to having feelings for bowie still. bowie turns her down tho bc she’s in a rly emotional state and doesn’t want to take advantage of her. 

-andi eventually finds out what’s been going on and tells cece. cece is the last person bex wanted to know about cloud ten struggling, as cloud ten was the only thing keeping cece sane. they eventually have a heart-to-heart and bex/andi encourage cece to get some closure from ham

The Wandi Plot/Death of Jandi

-wandi rises. they resolve to just be friends at the end of season 2 but after a lot of things that I’ll mention later, andi realizes walker was the one for her :’). they paint a mural alongside cloud ten and cece makes some offhand comment about them becoming a painting duo, which they LOVE. they go around the town offering to paint on the walls of local businesses and it’s rly cute. god can you imagine the montages?? andi is in puppy love however we have like 5 episodes of her despairing over if walker even LIKES her anymore after months of just being friends. the roles are reversed and she’s the one doing all these things to get his attention. bc he’s not an oblivious Fool like jonah, walker picks up on this relatively fast and wandi is official!!

-that leads us to what will come of jandi? they perish of course. andi starts getting jealous of jonah hanging out with all these high school girls and naturally there’s more and more miscommunication and jonah whines about her friendship with walker etc etc etc just break up already god. andi eventually realizes that she’s just not feeling it and she puts her foot down to bex that he’s just not right for her!! bc tbh at this point the only reason she still fw jonah is bc of bex’s constant encouragement 

The Tyrus Plot

-tyrus happens obviously. if we ever actually get a real apology from tj (which I’m doubting at this point lol) this can happen smoothly. I kinda imagine tj trying to teach cyrus how to swim (swimming is definitely on cyrus’ list of things he can’t do) and the first time it happens tj is SO sure cyrus will be able to do it that he lets him go out on the deep end on his own and uh lmao ya boi almost drowns. buffy’s there and she saves him and she tells tj to stay away from cy bc hello he could’ve McDied and tj, crushed over the fact that cyrus could’ve met a watery grave, actually does what she says. cyrus tells buffy that it was his dumbass decision to go on the deep end tho, and tj didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, so buffy relents. cyrus practices by himself and makes it his goal to learn how to swim in order to impress tj. he invites tj to the neighborhood pool one day as a surprise and he just like...cannonballs into the deep end (but he’s STILL not ready) and again almost fucking dies. tj saves him and he starts yelling at him a la titanic (”you’re SO stupid rose why’d ya do that huh???”) and then tj lets it slip that he would’ve mcfreaking lost it if something ever happened to cyrus bc “you mean a lot to me underdog” or w/e and during this whole rant cyrus realizes that he’s floating!! and he’s like yes bitch i did it im swimming! and tj’s so happy for him that he kisses him and cyrus almost drowns again from shock but it’s all good lol. maybe tj avoids him for a bit after the kiss bc cyrus’ reaction seemed like a rejection, but it wasn’t cyrus was honestly just shook to the core. 

-cyrus lets tj know that he likes him too and they start dating. they definitely keep it a secret from the ghc for a while, probably until the midseason finale. maybe jonah finds out first and that’s how cyrus comes out to him and tells him that he used to have a crush on him too. jonah is flattered and cool w/ it. anyway at first tj doesn’t like going on rly public dates with cyrus, not bc he’s ashamed of him or anything, but bc he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of cyrus (he can take ugly remarks but he’d hulk out if anyone touched a hair on cyrus’ head). cyrus doesn’t care tho and the one time they go on a date, some kids from tj’s school (he’d be in high school by season 3 right?) start messing with them. tj does in fact hulk out but only when one of the demons says something about cyrus. cyrus hauls tj off the creep and they talk in private about not wanting to live in fear but also not wanting to get harassed everywhere they go. when cy tells andi, she tells them that maybe they’d be safer if they went on double dates with her and walker, and so that’s a thing and its cute

The Juffy Plot

-anyway by the season 3b, both wandi and tyrus are thriving. they all hang out a lot leaving buffy to feel like a fifth wheel. she hides it tho bc does she ever express her feelings? she soon finds out that jonah is feeling the same way, and he thinks andi and cyrus don’t rly want to hang out with him anymore. buffy starts inviting jonah to all their outings and anytime the two couples are on a double date or something, buffy and jonah decide to do something else together on their own. cyrus takes note of this and tries to push buffy to ask jonah out since they’re practically dating already but she refuses bc he’s still andi’s ex and that violates girl code or w/e. 

-she goes to bex for advice! but she uses a hypothetical situation instead and changes names. bex, unaware that she’s telling buffy to go after her daughter’s ex, tells her to follow her heart but keep it a secret. meanwhile, jonah is slowly but surely realizing his feelings for buffy, and goes to bowie for advice. bc jonah’s a fool, he doesn’t know buffy has any feelings for him whatsoever, and he asks bowie how he can make her see him That Way. bowie, recycling ideas, tells him to perform a song for her but to do it as if he was just practicing and wanted to see if she thought it was a good song. jonah also doesn’t tell bowie that this is all for buffy lol. 

-so jonah invites buffy to the record store to hang out while wandi and tyrus are doing wandi and tyrus things. he plays some song for her (chemistry perhaps?? i still haven’t heard it yet but if its as good as y’all say...) and buffy is all heart eyes!! until she assumes that he wrote that song for another girl. there’s more unnecessary tiptoeing and drama for an episode until jonah notices that there’s something Up with buffy (she started avoiding him) and demands to know what’s going on. she doesn’t feel like talking about fEeLiNgS so instead he challenges her to arm wrestle. if she wins, she has to fess up. buffy’s like “um?? so all I have to do is let you win” but jonah’s like “like you would ever do that lmao”. she almost lets him win but bc he starts taunting she slams his mf arm into the table!! she fesses up and jonah’s like :D bc duh bitch that song was for you this whole time. they keep it a secret bc of bex’s foolish advice but eventually cyrus finds out and tells them to tell andi. andi’s upset at first but she gets over it. the three couples live in harmony 

The High School Plot

-we see more of the high school now that jonah (and tj?? unless he has to repeat a grade which is seeming likely actually) are there. jonah, who’s used to being the big man on campus, gets bullied for liking frisbee so much and is shamed into doing a “real sport” instead. he hates it and is miserable. he puts on a good face for the ghc bc he doesn’t want them to know he’s struggling. it eventually all comes crashing down when he has another panic attack (the first one in a while after starting therapy WHICH HE BETTER). also we get a look at his home life, I hc that he’s adopted and has a lot of foster siblings that have a lot of their own issues, so he constantly downplays his own bc he doesn’t want to be a “burden” and be abandoned again

-amber becomes a part of the crew and hopefully maybe just maybe is a lesbian. she starts hanging out with a bunch of sapphic baddies. she and jonah become friends and they help each other with their respective mental illnesses 

-through jonah, buffy makes friends with the high school track lesbians <3 they adopt her. one of them tho is Evil and is jealous that some middle schooler is getting all of this attention from the captain so she tries to break buffy’s fucking leg akjhskjdhds I told y’all this was melodramatic 

das it. disney you can send my paycheck to [redacted] within 10-12 business days.

[cthonicascendant]

<<oooh, fun questions~>>

<<so, i'm going to do these out of order, for the reason that... okay, honestly, a LOT of this hinges on the answer to topic 6. as in, it was one of the first headcanons we ever had about eridan, from like. practically the moment of his introduction. so it ended up informing pretty much every headcanon we had afterwards. (also, like, i have permission to keep it real with you: the headmate list does not completely list every system member. we have an eridan fictive, so like... we're using headcanon VERY loosely here lmao we actually know the guy.)>>

<<also this is super long and slightly disjointed. we're gonna cut the post here, more underneath.>>

<<so. why does he live above the water: his gills are fucked. it's a genetic malformation - karkat really did not do a great job with the whole ectobiology thing. he can still breathe underwater, but it's uncomfortable at best and leaves him lightheaded after a while. so, he lives above water, because it would be the worst kind of irony for a seadweller to drown. (more like death by very slow oxygen deprivation, but still.) this is also why he wears a scarf all the time, it hides his gills. seems silly, but this is alternia, and I get the impression they wouldn't tolerate a mutation like that in a seadweller. not sure why. /sarcasm>>

<<alright, so. the other core headcanon here is that he is an insecure, overemotional, and melodramatic little shit. he is not cool or confident and anyone who has ever thought that needs to just fucking reread the comic instead of arguing with me. (no, seriously, i have hit the back button on that fic before, and i will do it again.) if he can whine about it, if he can make a production about it, if he can do literally anything that is not blunt, open, and honest communication about it... he will. (he also deeply resents this paragraph and is generously allowing me to leave it in.)>>

>.i'm just going to butt in here. .that is a terrible foundation for any sort of relationship. .but especially moirallegiance. .if your partner is not capable of digging through the bullshit to figure out what you actually mean.<

<<yep. so let's just slide right into that relationship with fef, now that we've gotten the two core premises of my eridan ampora down.>>

<<i can't really explain their relationship without getting into the headcanon of how they met: namely, at somewhere around two or three sweeps old, feferi has to hunt for her lusus. (headcanon is that typically heiresses are hatched about seven to eight sweeps apart, so when the current heiress is going to challenge the empress, the next heiress has to start feeding gl'bgolyb. gl'bgolyb is big enough she can take care of the next heiress while still minding the current one.) anyways, make a long story short, she tries to kill eridan's lusus.>>

<<he ends up feeling pity for her, because she fails miserably and is understandably very upset about this, and offers to help her. his lusus can fly, he's learning how to shoot, it's perfect, it's like he was destined to help her. (the melodramatics started early.) obviously, he successfully made his case.>>

<<they weren't moirails until a few perigees after meeting, though. anyways, point i want to get at is this is not the best foundation for any sort of relationship. eridan kind of feels like he HAS to be "useful" to feferi, y'know? i don't know if he ever really shakes that sense of obligation, either.>>

<<like, i truly don't think they would have any sort of close relationship if it weren't for the whole gl'bgolyb situation - they are WAY too different personality-wise. fef is a lot more genuine, and that doesn't mix well with eridan's theatricality. she just doesn't have the patience for his carp. never mind her ideas of what culling should be - eridan has negative desire to take care of someone weaker than him, and if you consider my gill headcanon, he ALSO has no desire to BE culled in ANY sense of the word.>>

<<speaking of the gill headcanon - he never tells feferi. she thinks the living on land is just him being a LITTL-E hypocritical when he wants to kill all the landdwellers, that the scarf is just a fashion thing, and so are the glasses. (he actually needs the glasses too.)>>

<<i don't think eridan CONSCIOUSLY sees her as a means to an end? the end being his continued existence. i think he does actually care about her. the problem is, he doesn't, hmm... 100% trust her, or entirely see her as FEFERI and not THE HEIRESS, if that makes sense? he puts her on a pedestal.>>

<<personally, i think they'd make good kismeses. i think they both care about the other just enough to not actually WANT the other dead under ordinary circumstances - i have so many opinions about the meteor but we're not going there yet - but they're just too diametrically opposed to not end up hating each other at some point. tbh, i think in canon fef is already well on the way to hating eridan even before they break up. eridan's got a little catching up to do, but like. i could see him flipping pitch, even in a no-SGRUB AU. i dunno, the idea compels me.>>

<<as to why he wanted to kill all the landdwellers: i'mma keep it real with you, i kind of got the impression that - purely doylist analysis here - the genocide thing was meant to be a contrast to feferi's idea of culling. i don't think there was really any deep thought put into why eridan would be genocidal by hussie, and it makes it a frustrating character trait to try to work with when even from a purely canon standpoint eridan just doesn't seem THAT committed to it.>>

<here's why i do not get the impression he seriously wants to accomplish that goal. for one, you don't keep commissioning the same troll who keeps giving you devices that fail. for two, you also probably don't commission a landdweller to make the device to kill all landdwellers, since there's a very strong likelihood that they'll sabotage the device to begin with out of basic self-preservation. for three, he makes exceptions. now, admittedly, we all saw how well that turned out in the end, but i am not getting into it about the meteor yet. and, okay, i do need to reread canon because it's been a couple years since my last readthrough, but i can't recall him ever actually giving a reason beyond "landdwwellers suck" (paraphrased heavily, i'm sure) in the comic itself. which isn't really a reason.>>

<<like, okay, at least with my gill headcanon you then get the motivation of proving he's just as much a seadweller as any other. if he can just figure out how to kill all landdwellers without affecting anyone violet or fuchsia blooded, then doesn't that make him a seadweller too? even if actually living underwater would kill him slowly? it's a fucking stupid ass motivation - shut up, eridan, it is and you know it - like i cannot even grant it "cool motive, still murder" status... but at least it's a motive.>>

<<it kind of boils down to "this is what happens when an emotionally unstable person with a predisposition towards choosing violence is raised in a society that tells him he's better (and worse) than everyone else by virtue of genetic lottery". it's about proving he's a proper seadweller, however you'd like to interpret that. also, honestly, just a smidge of teenage melodramatics about how if he kills all the landdwellers they will stop tossing garbage into the fucking ocean he swims in. and, i think, to go back to his relationship with fef for a bit, an unconscious one is he wanted her to try harder to stop him or convince him not to? (i'm personally not sure what more she could have done, but. emotions are not logical, y'know?)>>

<<alright, i'm gonna pause here because this is like. fifteen paragraphs and took me nearly three days. there's more. there is so much more. i am so nervous about posting this. i haven't talked headcanons in YEARS.>>

Also I’m curious about your headcanons for Eridan :3

<<we are going to need a little more guidance than that because, uh...>>

[ID: a gif of two men sitting across from each other. one of the men pulls out a scroll and unrolls it. the scroll bounces along the floor as it unrolls, and it is covered in small text.]

<<we weren't kidding when we said we have a lot... like. so many. and i'm really not sure where to begin.>>

[cookinguptales]

under a cut bc honestly I’m not super proud of this post lol

with the caveat that I’m super sick and hormonal

This is exactly the kind of post that I’d put under a cut on lj — personal, kind of dumb, mostly a vent post. I know I’m being bratty and I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade?? But man!! I haven’t really had the time or stamina to watch the new Osomatsu-san episode, but boy have I gotten the gist of it from friends!! And I get why people are happy about the whole ~chibita got laid~ (and by a dude!) thing, but I just!! It’s been a bad week and I’m a hardcore monoshipper and so I’ve just taken the news with distress!

And like karamatsu/chibita has really become my comfort/vent ship in the past year or so (which…I should probably work on, honestly, not sure it’s healthy to put so much emotional energy into such a stupid pairing) so I’d usually just write some k/c to get my mind off of stressful things, but considering that it’s one of the things that’s causing me stress... It was a bad week to have one half of my OTP hook up with another character! (Especially a character whose shippers have harassed me in the past, like why.)

All this means that I’ve retreated to my usual way of dealing with stressful times (see: taking pills for back spasms, vomiting up said pills, repeat, trying to be a good daughter to both of my parents while feeling like shit), which is making up like 1000 stories in my head! But I can’t just do my usual k/c formula bc that’s all been mixed up, which means like all of these stories are just ways of handwaving the events of this episode so my ship still works!! And that makes me feel like an annoying fan who can’t handle having her ship messed up!

like only a few of the stories my painkiller-addled mind has been cooking up:

Karamatsu learns that Chibita fucked Hatabou, he becomes very sullen and jealous bc he’s secretly been into Chibita, fighting ensues, they eventually kiss and make up.

Karamatsu learns that Chibita has actually had quite a bit of casual sex during the gap between seasons (look, he had to be doing something. or someone. or someones.) and so he somehow gets it into his head that if he fucks Chibita REALLY WELL, like better than anyone, he’ll woo him and he’ll be the one guy Chibita stays with. This all comes crashing down the first time they make out and Karamatsu comes in his pants. Chibita can’t figure out why Karamatsu’s so upset until he finally pries out of him that he thinks he’s wrecked his One True Chance to make Chibita fall for him. Chibita has to patiently explain that look, the other people were just sex, he actually has feelings for Karamatsu and isn’t going to dump him just because Chibita has to train him a little. (Note: I also thought a lot about Chibita training Karamatsu so I mean I’m sorry I’m just really hormonal right now.)

This was actually Chibita’s first time and he feels really, really conflicted. Like on one hand, he always secretly kind of wanted his first time to be romantic. He wanted it to be with someone he really loved. On the other hand… doesn’t matter, had sex. (Like I like love potion dubcon as much as the next person, but it’s still dubcon. Might result in some mixed feelings.)

Like honestly, a whole lot of scenarios that involve “okay but that sex was just physical release and didn’t actually mean anything to me???” bc I am apparently a petty bitch who can’t handle her fave having actual feelings for a living person other than the person I ship him with.

I even briefly considered stuff where Hatabou actually tries courting Chibita but it doesn’t work out. And Chibita’s like “he’s nice, he’s rich, he’s got a big dick?? why don’t I love him??” And then Chibita just has to come to terms with the fact that, like me, he has terrible taste and really wants Karamatsu. (Who again, has been drowning in woe.)

AND LOOK, I know that I can’t actually write any of this stuff without being a dick!! But it makes me feel better, okay? Maybe I’ll even just. Write it and keep it on my hard drive… God knows I have mentally written enough scenarios where like. The flower fairy comes back and Karamatsu is desolate because he’s sure Chibita’s going to dump him but then Chibita chooses to stay with him instead, shocking everybody.

I never said I was a good fan! I am a bad fan who was only watching this show for the ship I have mostly fabricated in my mind and hundreds of thousands of words of melodramatic fanfic! I hate it when I know my feelings are dumb and don’t even make sense. I knew something like this was going to happen and it’s why I was initially going to peace out of the fandom before the second season started. It’s why I hate writing for open canons. So I know I brought all this on myself!!

And yet. It’s been an emotional week, okay, let me have this one vent post.

(PS: I swear to fucking god Hatabou was already the murder victim in my noir AU, you can ask ANYONE, I showed my outline to people MONTHS ago and discussed writing it for NaNo WEEKS ago. lmao. I just killed him off in the noir fic because the rich dude always gets it in the back!! I had like zero feelings about Hatabou before this Monday, but how the tides have turned!!)

...anyway, long story short, that’s why I’ve been refusing to give Hatabou food in shimamatsu for the past day. You’re fucking rich, Hatabou, get your own milk! Ya goddamn homewrecker.

[3ndoftheline]

Florence

Bucky x Reader

Summary: Such a gift it would be, to love and be loved in return.

Warnings: none?????? what is this??????

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: hi hello! guess who is finally fucking updating even though it isn’t even for one of her multi-part fics lmao!!!!!!! this is just something i thought up randomly and like busted out in about an hour so if it sucks i’m soRRY. also this is super fucking dramatic???? like idk what is going on with me tho i promise it’s fluffy (i figured i’ve posted enough angst with my sad ass lmao) but despite the fluff and the cute and the aw’s this is melodramatic and super poetic idefk what came over me so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyways i hope ya’ll enjoy and pls leave feedback i love to hear what you guys think. love you all to the moon and back xx (also ps the gif of seb below look at how soft and happy my son is i need bucky to be like this at all times)

He falls in love in Florence.

He just doesn’t know it.

When the man he shouldn’t remember falls into the murky depths of a river foreign to him. When his life, his structure, his sanity falls in fiery scraps of cracked metal. When everything he thought he was turned out to be everything he shouldn’t be, that’s when he falls. He lets go. He isn’t sure why, he just knows he has to. He feels this incessant tug like the Earth pulling at the Sun, begging it to relieve it from darkness. He feels like if he doesn’t let go, he’ll never begin.

So he falls and when he dries off beneath the unforgiving golden rays that burn red streaks on his cheeks and nose, he runs. He stops by a museum wearing stolen clothes that don’t fit him but he isn’t even sure what would. He sees someone who looks like him, who could be him. His name was Bucky and he had died in 1945.

The man, he had called him Bucky. He knows that’s not his name. He can’t be Bucky. Bucky is smart, intelligent, his eyes have a light flickering with laughter and kindness and patience that is expressed in a single photograph. His smile is carefree and mischievous and promises adventure and whispered secrets in sweet summertime.

No, he can’t be Bucky.

So he runs.

He stays where he is but his instincts tell him not to stay. To stay means to make a life, to start over. And he’s not so sure he can.

So he runs. He runs through the Eastern seaboard, living off of rusty freight cars that rattle his bones and canned soup he snags from waiting baskets. He then learns of this thing called an airplane. He knows, deep down, what an airplane is. He remembers the heavy drone and a sound like pebbles cracking against a tin wall. But when he gets in, he still doesn’t know. He feels as if he should be surrounded by ice cold metal and dangling harnesses and empty, empty space.

He decides he’s never getting in an airplane again.

He lands in Europe and runs through England and Belgium and France (something keeps him away from Germany. He doesn’t know what, he doesn’t know why but when he hears the country a deep hatred seeps through his skin and threatens to choke him) and he finds himself in Italy.

He travels through Italy at first with a travel group. He lurks in the background and slips in behind them when they reach the Youth Hostel. He doesn’t know what a Youth Hostel is; in fact the name almost makes him not go inside. He doesn’t know what city he’s in or what part of Italy he’s in but he smells warm food and can see the makeshift beds and suddenly he feels as if he is in heaven and doesn’t really care for the other connotations the name could’ve possibly held.

But he doesn’t relax. He still stays behind and watches, searching. He hasn’t quite figured out what he’s searching for but he knows he has to. He watches every face and searches for something, something to validate the constant trepidation, the incessant fear and alarm that seems to have curled through his blood and into his bones and settled into the crevices of his chest.

“Are you in line?” Petal soft with the faintest lilt, the voice startles him out of his reverie. He turns around and finds himself searching, searching, searching, but he finds nothing. But then, he finds something. Something that makes his heart pound faster and his teeth to sink into his trembling bottom lip. Something that makes him pull the brim of his hat lower and him to instinctively shove his left hand into his pocket.

He shook his head, his voice failing him. She nods and smiles brightly and he imagines that’s what the sun looks like after a rainy day. He imagines dewdrops blinking in the kaleidoscope of gold and teasing yellow. He sees flowers blooming in the deepest corners and stars shining in the darkest of skies.

He sees hope.

He falls in love in Florence.

He just doesn’t know it.

She introduces herself to him. He’s hiding in the farthest corner, curling his sleeping bag as close to the wall as he possibly could. It’s cold but he’s comfortable. It’s small but he doesn’t mind. A part of him feels like he belongs there.

But she doesn’t let him. “What are you, a vampire?” She laughs and it reminds him of brilliant burst of rainbows igniting an impossibly blue sky. It reminds him of fresh breezes and the promise of spring and something new.

She forces him to sleep beside her. He doesn’t want to but doesn’t know how to refuse her so he finds himself following her even though every cell in his body is screaming at him to run. He doesn’t sleep that night, but he relaxes for the first time in what feels like a lifetime.

She sidles in next to him the next morning at breakfast. She’s bubbly and bright and has a light dancing in her eyes that reminds him oddly of Bucky, the one in the museum, the one he’s supposed to be.

She drags him out to go sightseeing. He had every plan to leave that morning but she’s so excited to show him this cathedral and this museum and this statue that again he can’t bring himself to say no.

And that’s how it goes.

He tries to leave, every part of him is telling him not to stay. But she’s got a smile that ensnares his lungs and leaves him breathless. She’s got this excitement and will to live that he’s addicted to. He’s addicted to the life that she breathes into his very soul.

She teaches him of this movement called the Renaissance. Rebirth she tells him, it’s the time of new beginnings. And for a moment he believes she’s talking about herself until he’s realizing she’s speaking about the fresco above their heads.

But he couldn’t give a damn about Michelangelo, or DaVinci or the Mona Lisa’s mournful smile. He doesn’t care for archangels or stone sculptures erected above his head or paintings hidden behind oil and sweat.

Because she is Renaissance. She is something new, something exciting. She is life after the dark, shrouded past. She is buttery sunshine in a murky forest. She is creativity and bursting ideas in a fountain bred from misery and confusion. She’s life in the form of an angel with a golden halo and shimmering wings.

She doesn’t flinch when she grabs his hand although he does. She drags him across uneven cobblestones and her skin turns golden beneath the Italian sky. They eat gelato as she reads intently all the guidebooks she could get her hands on. He watches her as she bites her lip when something really different and interesting meets her eyes. They speak in hushed tones in church pews. Well, mostly she does. He just watches her wave her hands and smiling sheepishly at the tourists or mourners she disturbed. He lights a candle with her at every cathedral and church they entered. He doesn’t do it for anyone, he isn’t sure if he has anyone out there to light a candle for. Maybe the man on the bridge, Steve the museum had said. But he isn’t sure if Steve is real or if Steve is a memory.

“Light one for everything you wished you could’ve done,” she tells him when he’s hesitating with a flame in hand.

So he does. And with each flame that flickers on the wick a piece of his heart goes out to her. Because he wishes for a chance, for a single moment where the stars align and allow him to have her, even if only for a minute.

He falls in love in Florence.

He just doesn’t know it.

It happens in the whisper of night where the stars dazzle like diamonds sprinkled over a velvet cloth. The moon is full and taunting and bathing everything in a silver glow. But he doesn’t notice. His eyes are wrenched open and he feels his heart crashing against his ribs and his breath rattling in his chest. Red stains his vision and he hears the screams and begs of mercy. From who, he isn’t sure. But he hears the cold voice of a scientist Welcome, Sergeant Barnes.

She is next to him and she must be awake for she turns to look at him. He can feel it. He feels it every time she looks at him. He feels it deep within him, something stirring in places he didn’t even know could feel anymore. His skin prickles as her gentle eyes are round with concern.

“Come,” she whispers and takes his hand again. This time it’s his left hand and he’s sure she can feel the ice prickling through the leather glove he has yet to take off but she doesn’t even flinch. She’s dragging him with surprising strength out onto the streets of Florence. They’re both barefoot and she’s looking back at him with such a mischievous smile that promises a secret that only they can share.

She stops at a tall building with a terracotta roof and she leads him to the vines wrapped along the sides. She winks at him and his heart stutters and leaps when he sees her suddenly scaling the wall with surprising dexterity. He follows quickly, her eagerness rushing over him like a tidal wave. And like a wave, she’s pulling him with her.

They reach the roof and she’s breathless with laughter and life and her face glows as she stares out at the sprawling city below her. He decides then that she’s everything. And if he leaves tomorrow, or the next day, or that night, he vows to never forget her. So he commits her face to memory until when he closes his eyes she’s all he can see.

She sits down and forces him down with her until they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder. She begins to tell him the stories behind the constellations and he swears he sees them sparkling in her eyes. The moon creates a silver light that washes her hair and turns her ethereal. And he wonders if that stars had taken extra time creating her and if tonight, maybe they were trying to call her back.

She turns to look at him but he can’t help the breath that gets caught in the ridges of his throat. He sees her pulse flutter against the alabaster white of her throat and her petal soft lips part just enough for her breath to coax his skin to a shiver.

“What are you thinking?” She asks and he realizes just how much of a loaded question that really is. He’s thinking about a lot of things, things he isn’t quite sure are real or if their cloaked in a cape of fantasy. But two things keep coming up like some sick recording that refuses to stop. First, it’s her. Her, her, her.  Then, it’s him. The danger he knows he’s in as fractals of memories begin to piece together. They normally happen late at night when he can’t sleep. But when they do he begins to understand why he’s always searching and why he needs to run.

He doesn’t respond for a while but she doesn’t comment on it. She turns her face back out to the rippling sea of a thousand lights. They look like tiny fireflies blinking in the distance. “Sometimes,” she whispered, as if the secret is too heavy for her to bear even in the thick quiet of the night, “I want to run away. I want to run away and never look back.” She's silent for a moment and then she looks at him and his heart clenches at the tremor of trepidation that trembles in her soft irises. “Is that crazy?” She asks him. The universe seems to wait with a bated breath as the stars that twinkled above Florence still in anticipation as he stares at her with the wonder of the world suspended in his icy irises.

“Let’s run away then,” he whispers. He can hardly believe the words came from his mouth but there they are. It’s like the words are held in the air merely by the tension that seems to suffocate him and he suddenly finds it extremely hard to breathe.

“You and me?” She breathes and the whole world leans in, straining to hear as even the birds still their fluttering wings.

“Yeah,” his voice barely registers yet it reverberates around them. “You and me. Let’s run away and never look back.”

She launches herself at him and he barely has time to gather his thoughts before instincts take over and he grapples her waist to keep her from pitching herself off the roof. Her lips are on his and the sky rejoices as a shooting star streaks across the velvet black night. He’s left breathless yet he continues to kiss her as if his life depended on it. Their mouths slotted together unevenly and their noses bumped. It wasn’t perfect but it was his. His memory that he could keep and tuck away deep in the recesses of his mind where not even HYDRA could reach them.

“Is this crazy?” She gasps out when they finally break apart but their foreheads stay together as their staggered breaths mingle together in the space between them. Bucky can hear and feel her heartbeat stuttering against his chest and he draws her closer as his heart links with hers until they beat as one.

He shakes his head immediately and without hesitation he says, “No.”

Then she’s laughing and he’s smiling and their kissing and he thinks maybe, just maybe he could be Bucky. Because in that moment, right there, with her, he could be anyone.

He falls in love in Florence.

And he finally knows it.

QUICK LITTLE SIDE NOTE BC I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING AND I’M V V V EXCITED SO!!!!!!! 

i’m five away from my next hundred????? omg???? i love you all so fucking much ????? but i was thinking of celebrating maybe with a drabble game or like request thingy or some sort of game i can do with yall idk what do you guys want? do any of you have any ideas? maybe i’ll finally update touch lmao!!!! but yeah please let me know and i just want to thank you again bc it means so much to me that any one of you follow me so thank you so so much omg 

[gordvendomewhore]

honest to god im so fucking bland so i only have like. three rare pairs i care about and they are sadly all prep related.

vance/bryce (vyce)

i know this one seems like it doesn’t make sense,,,,, but hear me out.

OKAY so me and my best buddy cohen (@video-space if you wanna check him out 😏) made this ship purely as a plot device for our fic (last place; first choice on ao3 if you wanna check that out LMAO 😏😏) but,,,,, over time we really came to love it

vyce is our coined name for them :)) literally it’s only because cohen accidentally said vyce instead of bryce but listen we are just going to roll with it.

the dynamic is just MWAH impeccable,,, vance is such a lighthearted and warm person, and when you pair that with bryce and his melodramatic bitchiness, you get so much potential for angst AND fluff!! it’s another case of opposite’s attract which yknow amazing, love that dynamic, but it has the ability to be so much more than that if you pay attention to their individual characters and what it would mean to pair them together.

i’ve built them up in my own free time to the point where they’re genuinely a well rounded pairing but yknow. it’s just my personal views on them, and also a long rant i could save for another day and another post uwu.

i just have,,, SO much to say about them at any and all times,,,,, they are my babies 🥺

justin/ted (what the fuck does anyone call this pairing. tustin??? jed???? vanderson?????? thomvelde???????)

ok honestly i don’t have a deep explanation for why i love these two because both of them have no character outside of being ditzy and white and sportsy.

but,,,, it just makes so much sense. it just does. the dynamic would be MWAH impeccable and it’s really cute to imagine justin being super flustered around ted while ted is just like “lol you like sports?? that’s cool. i mean, swimmings kinda fruity and lame but u look pretty hot while doing it so.”

good shit.

tad/parker (spencilvie)

WOO BABY TIME FOR DESSERT

spencilvie is my coined ship name for them and pls,,,, appreciate how nicely it rolls off the tongue and how CUTE IT SOUNDS!!! 🥺🥺

god, i definitely haven’t expanded on spencilvie as much as i have for vyce, but i love these two the same amount.

there’s just,,,, a lot to work here with. parker is such a sweet little dork (although he’s still pretty fucking up in his head because,,,, all the preps are) and tad is. Majorly Depressed.

i don’t like pairings where it seems like person A is broken and can only magically be fixed by their love interest, person B. it’s toxic, it lacks depth, and it isn’t a romantic relationship, it’s one long therapy session with an occasional kiss.

and like,,, that’s what this ship seems like, yeah? parker being happy, fun, and upbeat, and tad being the complete opposite of that, so of course parker would need to fix tad!!

but,,, no. that’s literally the opposite of what their dynamic would be, because parker wouldnt think tad would need to be fixed. he loves tad for his personality, aspiration, his drive in life. parker loves tad for the things the character he already has, not the potential to be molded into something he wants.

and i think that’s what attracts tad yknow, a person who isn’t forceful and excessively positive, but someone who is warm and welcoming, someone who can accept him and his love in all the forms it comes in. :))

tad and parker would just,, work together. they would be so sweet and loving, and honestly just incredibly understanding of what the other person wants and needs.

there’s a lot of other rare pairs i like that have already been listed, but these are my main ones uwu

one day i’ll go into more depth with these but this was just a chance to rant real quick lmaooo

anyway uhhh vyce and spencilvie rights. and whatever the fuck justin/ted are called.

Hey peeps tell me your bully rarepairs grrrrr bruh bullies you steals your fookin lunch money !! I don’t wanna hear no Johnny x peanut or smthin mainstream like dat mmkay? I’m here for da UNDERRATED SIDE CHARACTER x DA EQUALLY UNDERRATED SIDECHARACTER !!! Like ricky x lucky or smthin i DONT care just tell me Bcus I want to learn more about yall OKAY I am caring and cool like dat 😎👍

[kaedekayano]

okay, i decided to disregard/circumvent the stayfocusd time limit just for tonight because fuck it, i don’t have anything to do tonight and i definitely deserve a break. and i like thinking about characters. so i just finished bnha ep 13 (the finale), and here’s my thoughts! finally on the computer yay

for those who know bnha/follow the manga, of course you’re welcome to discuss this stuff with me, but please don’t spoil me on anything or i will cry

i’m still trying to decide the fate of all might. like i said before, he started at the top and he’s got nowhere to go but down. there are a couple routes i think he could take: he lives for a while, then dies tragically but inevitably at the end like korosensei did; he gets abruptly killed off in the middle at a climactic, suspenseful moment, shocking everyone and terrifying them because what will they do without their symbol of peace; he lives, but he has to stop being a full-time superhero and finds another way to live, basically. of course, while i do like analyzing plot for plot twists and all that, i’ve always preferred doing character analysis to everything else, and i’m not that good at predicting plot.

but honestly, sounds like the dude’s gonna die. and if he does, i hope it’s soon, because this was being foreshadowed from episode #1 and i’ve been waiting this entire season, thinking every single episode, “is this the episode he’s going to die?” and he’s not a favorite, but i do like him enough (and am aware enough of how his death will emotionally wreck izuku as well as other characters) that the constant dread is wearing down on me. i am constantly in a state of terrible suspense. (but like i said no spoilers no one is allowed to tell me what happens okay i gotta find out for myself)

kind of a tangent but everything comes back to AC on this blog, so. AC changed the way i think about a lot of things because getting so heavily involved in the canon and fandom, and being exposed to others’ interests, made me far more open-minded than i used to be. for example, i really wasn’t good at shows with large casts (AC and the almost 30 students, BNHA’s students + teachers) before, b/c i didn’t track them very well and am shit at matching names to faces as well as recalling personalities, but hey, obsessing over the entirety of class 3-E for months will change that. also, all my favorites were. usually. karma types, for lack of a better phrasing. i could never relate to cinnamon roll (TM) characters. or characters who weren’t emotional disasters. (boy i had trouble liking nagisa at first.)

regarding what i keep saying about types: the girls, in terms of personalities, aren’t quite my usual thing. the closest person in terms of preference to the characters i typically like are yaoyoruzu and jirou. but honestly who cares because right now i like them all, and they are great and fabulous and uraraka is adorable and i like her a lot. i wanna see her have some character development first, though, and oh god the girls are my aesthetic. momo’s hair and jinou’s general aloof aura + earphones and tsu’s frog quirk and holy shit, pink alien girl? i don’t know her, she hasn’t had much time in the anime yet, but she’s. she’s a girl. who’s pink with alien features. how the fuck is that not the coolest shit ever

as fond of todoroki, as always. i looked up a bit on him on the wikia but i don’t want to spoil myself. but i did pick up enough to solidify my adoration for him. >.< i need to stop but god, i’m really fond of him. fuck. so fond.

izuku’s character continues to develop and it’s really wonderful. i used to live for mentor-student relationships, but then i realised (and AC did not help) that the mentor usually ends up dying, so i’m trying not to get attached to this mentor-student relationship and it’s not fucking working. the conversation he and all might had in the hospital beds at the end. shit, man. don’t get attached don’t get attached don’t get attached

something i really appreciate is that i knew this fandom really adores bakugou (and i say this as someone who literally doesn’t know shit about the bnha fandom), so i assumed he’d be one of those assholes who gets glorified by the narrative because it’s okay if he’s an asshole as long as he’s talented and handsome uwu he’s just being snarky haha how funny!! i mean yes he is an asshole but he isn’t glorified by the narrative, the narrative doesn’t hide at all that, while not totally evil, he’s a complicated character who genuinely can be unlikable and is kinda fucking awful. so that’s a pleasant surprise. i thought the narrative would revolve around him more b/c the fandom’s so fond of him but it doesn’t and i’m really glad, the whole class is really great (and imo the school too, i’ll talk worldbuilding later) and they all deserve focus.

i’m usually incredibly fond of villains, but i also mostly read YA fantasy, where the villains are very often attractive young characters who are snarky, charismatic types who draw the reader in and are way too likable. AC villains weren’t like that for me (although i ended up liking them anyway, just blame my friends lmao). the villains in BNHA so far aren’t quite the attractive young character archetypes either, but i really like them anyway. i wanna know their motivations a lot. what’s the relationship between nomu and shigaraki (i kinda already brotp it)? what led shigaraki and kurogiri to want to kill all might so badly? who made nomu the way he was? if the motive is a personal grudge or a tragic backstory, fuck. i’m weak as fuck for personal grudges and/or tragic backstories in villains, alright? 

also, shigaraki’s hands shit + the way his quirk behaves/is animated is this level of slightly surreal horror — not really over-the-top gory/melodramatically creepy, but definitely disturbing — that’s an aesthetic i’m quite fond of, although only in moderation.

uraraka’s power, while hardly unusual, is imo something that can go really far and has incredible potential. it’s definitely gone amazing places in past characters who have the same power in other fiction. i wanna see her develop it.

and now i’m gonna talk worldbuilding, because while i’m not that great at analyzing it or doing it myself — i’m decent enough to pull together a convincing world for my fiction, but that’s about it, since i’m not great at understanding how the world works, let alone how changes would affect it on a wide scale — superpowers are something i’m quite fond of.

so, there’s this one YA series called the reckoners, by brandon sanderson. he writes a lot of stuff about people with magic, and i love his work, especially the reckoners. i am bringing this up for two things. one, the protagonist is also a guy with no powers who’s unusually obsessed with the intricacies of the superpowered people and their superpowers in a world where superpowers just started randomly appearing and became integrated into society, although he’s obsessed because of a vastly different reason from izuku.

two, the worldbuilding is really good, and the powers are unique. it’s very different from your typical story about superpowers. in my opinion, every kind of basic power — telekinesis, manipulating elements, reading/controlling minds — has been used. i wouldn’t say it’s impossible to come up with new basic powers, but it’s damn near close. but what’s good about superpowers nowadays, what makes them interesting and original, is not the power itself, but its limits. how far can it go? what are the weaknesses? how can it be used?

i’m gonna give an example i’m really fond of — regalia from the reckoners. she’s a character who first appears in the second book. regalia has the ability to manipulate water, which we’ve all seen plenty of times in fiction, right? but it’s not just typical shit like “oh, look at this huge tide destroying a building!” my memory is fuzzy, but one of the things she can do is use the reflections created by water as windows. 

it’s hard to explain, but like, if you look into a puddle (and remember, water can reflect), and she’s paying attention, she can appear and look back at you and talk, like in a mirror. she’s able to communicate with you through it. she can keep an eye on the city she rules over because she flooded the entire place with water, making it a sort of island, and is able to watch everyone through its reflections. now that’s something new, even though water powers have been done to death.

i like how bnha handles the drawbacks of superpowers — it makes a little more unique. i’m not entirely pleased, but:

one post i’ve read on howtofightwrite (an excellent tumblr, writers who write action or anything involving combat should check it out!) is how, realistically, if you have super strength, every time you actually use it to anywhere near its fullest potential, it will fucking shatter your body. which is kinda what’s happening to izuku, i’ll explain in a sec. but like, if you punch someone, your knuckles hurt afterwards. except izuku’s punches are super super strong, so it hurts him way more than the normal person.

so i think that’s good! it’s a nice twist on how super strength usually works! but i’m still a bit displeased, because seriously, super strength is not at all new and it’s implied he’ll learn to control it instead of continuing to just have to deal with this particular drawback. all might learned to control it, which i don’t see how it makes physical sense, but whatever, fuck it, magic is magic. so i don’t think the blowback (looking for a word here?) resulting from his punches are actually because of realistic physical reasons TM that i just theorized, it’s just magic/being unable to control it, which is sad because c’mon, science and magic working together is cooler instead of “he got used to it by getting Good at his powers!”, but oh well. i’m not a doctor, anyway

honestly, i’m kinda disappointed that the most powerful heroes have super strength/superspeed, and that’s the only twist on it, and not even a terribly big one if izuku’s just gonna learn to control it through the power of experience. it’s not unique or new and i’d like to see something a little cleverer, i guess? like, i really like the idea of people adjusting to their powers and any drawbacks through just intelligence and the power of science and technology and wit, instead of practice/improvement upon the ability itself.

anyway, enough about izuku’s power. something else i’d like to see addressed is the emotional impact of izuku being quirkless all his life, and suddenly he has a power and everyone thinks he’s amazing. because it sounds like being quirkless fucked him up a ton. the protag of the reckoners is powerless and makes the best of it, and that’s what i really appreciate about the series — he never ever gets a power, he just figures out how to get through terrible life-or-death situations based on wit and his allies and cleverness and being amazing because you can still do amazing things without being born with those things. while i’m not saying izuku needed to take that route — what is it when he’s thought all his life he’s inferior, worshipped this one guy who turns out to be horribly vulnerable, and suddenly he’s got one of the most powerful quirks out there? (im assuming this gets addressed later though)

something else: how does society restructure itself now that everyone has a quirk? here’s the best thing about the reckoners: the people with the powers are the bad guys. like, not “oh, some people misuse their quirks” but almost everyone does, and what all the superpowered ones do, after they suddenly get their powers, is basically taken over the world. they’ve set up this tyrannical government in the usa where different superpowered people rule the cities and it’s basically a dystopia with superpowers, but the superpowered ones aren’t the rebels, they’re the oppressors. it’s a great twist on the typical superhero narrative. it changes the structure of society a lot. think legend of korra, but worse, more pronounced, a more oppressive regime.

so like, how does the world in bnha change now that 80% of people have a quirk? i really wanna know. UA is a start, but there’s got to be more to it than “there are schools trained to teach heroes, quirkless people feel bad about themselves, and heroes fight villains. and the villains don’t like the heroes because of that.” give! me! more! you don’t have to write me an encyclopedia of information (dear matsui, thank you for building your characters so much shit like the rollbook info exists, but not everyone does that) but what else is there? there has to be more than that.

some of the superpowers are interesting, yeah, but none of them stick out so much. i’ve read too much stuff about superpowers to be easily impressed, but really, “school of heroes” has been done a lot and while i like bnha a lot so far, they’re gonna have to go above and beyond what they’re currently doing to really impress me. rn i’m really curious what they’re gonna do with mineta ‘cause his power seems so fucking useless but he’s clearly there for a reason (how’d he pass the entrance exam?). the other powers don’t stick out much to me. stuff like tsu’s frog quirk or todoroki’s half-hot, half-cold shit (instead of just one) are just unconventional enough for me to raise an eyebrow, but not much more.

anyway. hoping they expand on that. but the worldbuilding isn’t horrendous or anything, i’m really enjoying all the powers and the worldbuilding’s good enough, just could be taken a lot farther. like, the potential is wow. god, i already love the characters so much, though

oh, also. not interested into getting into bnha fandom or the manga as of right now, and this blog is staying AC, but talking about it is still fun (i like discussing things!) and i’m gonna watch s2 when it comes out.