#anyway this is for you five ppl who watch this show

[mistbornthief]

it had to be said. it had to be done

[nagokomade]

guys I had one of the most embarrassing moments of my life today

[lit3rallyll0yd]

DIAODKDKK okok hear me out.... dazai and chuuya with a pianist reader who doesnt like playing infront of ppl cuz shes scared she'll mess up BUT SHES REALLY GOOD KFLSLWEK

pianist reader who has a fear of preforming

dazai and chuuya

warning: lowercase writing; female reader

a/n: this is late; like all my requests!!

dazai osamu

he loves to listen to you play the piano, especially if you have no idea he's listening.

you could think you're alone, but he is suddenly with you over hearing your beautiful melody.

he learned you've been learning how to play for a couple if years; so he was shocked when he found out you don't like preforming in front of others.

he would ask if you could play for him, just a little bit.

at first, you would be insecure and not want to.

but he would beg; he would literally go like "please, please, please, please-" every five seconds.

over time, you would eventually play for him.

he would be on the bed, reading his book and just listen.

another thing; he would sit beside you, put his head on your shoulder and close his eyes.

humming to your melody, along with praises.

"your amazing, darling~"

"your so talented, bella~ you have to teach me.."

"who knew my belladonna is so talented! why must you hide this amazing talent of yours~"

he would hope he would boost your confidence, however he will not complain having you and your talent all for himself.

chuuya nakahara

at first he may not care that you play the piano. hes heard others play it before; so whats so different?

a lot. actually.

the first time he heard you play was when you were alone in your apartment and chuuya shows up with no heads up to surprise you.

he rarely does this, so you had no idea he'd come over st 7:35pm.

as you were playing he walks in and stops to listen to you play.

he had no idea you could play so well; although your tune was soft and somewhat sad he smiled to the melody and watches you quietly.

just as you played your last note, you felt someone's presense.

thanks to your years in the mafia, you were able to grab a sharp pencil and jump out of the seat ready to attack until you noticed it was only chuuya.

"what-"

"when we're you going to tell me you played the piano?!"

after that he would compliment you when you've finished playing him a song, or just one in general, and kiss you.

"thats my'girl~"

"your so talented, you know that?"

"never heard it better, sweetheart."

wouldn't pressure you to play infront others, he doesnt feel like sharinf anyway, lol.

[loser-vxbez]

Hi! Can i request bllk boys type in girls head anon? Character could be anyone. Feel free to ignore this if you don't have time to make it! Have a nice day/night! 🫶🏼

ill just choose some of my favs then but thx for the req<3

Nagi Seishiro

★ Nagi seems like someone who would like patient girls (patient ppl like reo)

★Seeing how he's an introvert he would probably be more into an extrovert or people who are chatty around their close ones (ifykyk)

★ Seeing how he's not used to people getting close to him (besides reo) He wouldn't mind (would love) if you're clingy. It gives him a sense of comfort

★Nagi can be a bit oblivious to things so he would like someone who is direct

★ He can also have a hard time processing feelings (in general) so he'd be touched if you were to show some sympathy and maybe help him out.

★He'd like an s/o who's love language was physical touch or quality time. (One of his fav things to do would be to play his game silence either with you sleeping, or watching him)

Nothing like enjoying silence w your s/o :)

Itoshi rin

★ Seeing how rin is REALLY introverted, quiet (and moon-coded) he'd like someone who is bubbly and sweet.

★ He also has A LOT of issues so he'd also like someone who is good at listening or comforting.

★ He doesn't talk alot in general so he'd like to listen to you rant about anything.

★ He tends to overwork himself, so he would like s/o that cares about his well-being. (He won't admit it<3)

★He'd also like someone who's love language is words of affection (he clearly needs it) because he's likely to get insecure in your relationship so he needs constant reassurance, otherwise it may lead to issues. "you deserve better" ಠ_ಠ

★ And man doesn't care about your looks, Ugly? Where🤨

Mikage Reo

★ MY KINNIE😍

★ Anyways- this man is all the five love languages combined

★ He'd probably love someone who thinks really deeply because he'd probably overthink a lot of things so seeing someone else overthink their love (in a good sense) makes him feel better (im sorry if this dont make sense)

★He'd also love someone that sees him more than his money and status (duhh)

★He'd love someone who's able to appreciate the simplicity of things (like if he gave you a paper ring instead of a diamind ring) ifykyk

★He would love receiving texts from you so he probably wouldn't be a big fan of dry texters (but he wouldn't love u less, if u were)

I gave up :(

Hope u enjoy <3

Have a nice day!

[bluepluto03]

so i've been reading this wonderful platonic hanahaki Branch fic by @sarilolla, where Branch has familial hanahaki x4 from the loss of his brothers

and im like. not even finished with it. but my brain said "What if all five of them had hanahaki lol?"

so pls consider. post movie, all 5 of these idiots have hanahaki and are refusing to tell the others. this hanahaki isn't terminal, but it makes you ill and puts you in more danger from other diseases or injuries. (Injuries/illnesses such as getting the life sucked out of you in a diamond... *evil laugh*)

they're still on Vacay island, which is good bc Branch knows as soon as they return to Pop Village he's MADE, so he needs to figure out a plan QUICKLY. He's still getting used to opening up to ppl, especially his brothers

Bruce is considering telling them but hasn't had much a chance with the kids around. Floyd is hesitating, mostly bc he dosn't want to make them worried but also bc it's scary to admit. Clay is oscillating between making plans to tell them and making plans to hide indefinetly, and JD is fully planning to take this secret to his grave

cue several days of awkwardly trying to hide flowers, super obvious excuses that no one notices bc they are also trying to escape, and just alot of sus behavior. I think one of Bruce's kids has individually found out about and been sworn to secrecy by JD, Clay, Floyd and Branch (in that order).

Brandy knows everything and is trying so hard not to spill it, she just keeps trying to encourage Bruce even though he keeps losing his nerve or getting interrupted. Viva and Poppy are kinda playing interference on everyone, even each other, for their respective boys, so they're a little too preoccupied to find out.

cue kismet (who are in the know, at least w/ Branch) showing up. they're careful not to reveal anything out of respect for Branch, but they're also protective and make some pointed comments.

some people get up in their feelings, and it ends up with the brothers in a room together arguing until-

Branch coughs up four perfect flowers in front of them

he watches them fall in slow motion, their gentle descent like a guillotine to him, and he's seconds from panicking until-

"YOU HAVE IT TOO?"

anyway cue spiderman meme as they all reveal their hanahaki and then have an emotional convo

[nothorses]

(anon u linked all those videos for) thank you so much! ill definitely check kut those videos but just reading ur posts and personal opinions/analysis on it has helped me feel a lot better. i just saw a dem politician on fox news (my dad watches it) saying basically the same thing, that hes happy he stepped down and they have a chance now. im glad to know that the stuff that ppl are sharing that has scared me are probably just blackpilled "trump is inevitable at this point" ppl ive been trying to get off my dash every time they pop up. again thank you so much for patiently explaining things so well and all the videos!!! hope u find a dollar in ur pocket today 🙂

That's awesome, I'm glad to hear I could be a little encouraging!

I would hesitate to say that everyone who's afraid about it is "blackpilled" mostly because I think a lot of folks just aren't very aware of why he chose to step down, and draw the pretty reasonable conclusion that stepping down this late in the game will mean a scramble to replace him and shift voter support to a new candidate- which could jeopardize the election for Democrats.

And I do think that's a reasonable conclusion to draw, because it's what I saw people saying about the possibility of Trump being disqualified over the criminal charges he's been facing, like, a year ago: that the best possible outcome of that would have been that he'd be disqualified too close to the election for Republicans to get any energy behind a new candidate.

The difference in context is that most of the support for Biden in this race was just support for the Democratic party; or in a lot of cases, support for anyone but Trump. The support for Trump, on the other hand, is support for Trump specifically. Trump brings a lot of voters in who wouldn't otherwise vote at all, which is, to my understanding, why so many Republicans who disagree with him still throw support behind him as a candidate.

If Trump dropped out (or was disqualified somehow), Republicans lose a lot of voters who were only showing up to elect Their Guy. Biden dropping out means that the voters who were only gonna vote for Biden because he was the Democratic nominee (which was where most of his support was coming from) will vote for whoever the next nominee is anyway, and Dems now have a chance to pick someone who will draw in more voters who weren't feeling motivated to vote for Biden, but who would be willing to vote for a Democrat that inspires a little more confidence (and there are several candidates to choose from that fit this bill!)

Which is just to say that I think it's understandable that folks just are not aware of this context, and are just using the information they do have to make what would otherwise be pretty reasonable guesses. I'm definitely surprised by how common that seems to be, just because I guess I don't notice the water I'm swimming in, but I really hope the narrative will shift as more folks get curious about what this means and start to learn/educate each other.

I hope you find five dollars!!

[hampink]

Kingohger G Rosso Show #3 Summary (1/2/24 & 1/3/24)

i went to see the g rosso show with @valentinezlove! recap/summary on the whole show + my thoughts below~ ❤️🤍 (warning: spoilers, really long)

SPOILERS AHEAD for basically the whole plot of the g rosso show (though i left some stuff out) i believe this show is going to be livestreamed at some point so pls be aware if you're going to watch that and don't wanna be spoiled!

also, despite seeing this show TWICE i am so bad at remembering things and get distracted way too easily. i left out details and scenes im not confident in my memory abt😭 also this recap is a personal account so its probably jeramie heavy and there Will be giramie ramblings from my annoying ass

THE SHOW

the show starts with kamejim scheming evilly, as kamejim does. he calls forth grodie (!) to do his thing, and he appears as a recording on the big screen. grodie begrudgingly brings some dead sanagims back to life and he's like “ok go crazy/好きにして” and then kamejim orders them to go forth and destroy humanity/the whole planet. the sanagim are about to attack the audience on the front row when suddenly we hear giras WAHAHAHA and the five kings, gira, himeno, yanma, rita and kaguragi descend onto the stage!!

cue really epic fight

at this point i was like ah i see i guess jeramies coming in the middle of the show… but then NUH UH. SUDDENLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES A SPIDER DROPS DOWN FROM THE CEILING ON HIS WEB IN THE AUDIENCE!!

the first time we saw the show on the yan/hime/gira day, our seats were a bit further back so when jeramie came down it was in a perfectly clear view in front of us!!! i SRSLY GOT JUMPSCARED I THOUGHT I HAD A HEART ATTACKK on the 3rd we were sitting really close to the front so i kept looking behind us in anticipation when i knew jeramie was going to make his appearance eheehe..

also when jeramie appeared he said “otto! dont forget about me!” and gira was the first to go “jeramie! you came!” 🥺

anyway they finish beating up the zombie sanagims and kamejims all like fufufufu i am cooking up an evil evil plan to destroy this planet Best Beware u silly kings and then disappears

after the fight the kings convene and discuss what they should do abt kamejim and the new super villain threat that is the galactinsect king and the jesters. but how could they ever beat them? what power is possibly strong enough?? wherever will we find a source of such power?

suddenly kaguragi goes aha! and he begins to recount to everyone an old myth he’s heard about a village back in toufu

apparently theres a 2000 yr old legend that a comet once fell near a village and it left behind an object the village ppl called the "star drop" (星の雫), which looks like a magical orb

the village ppl have kept the star drop for generations and legend has it that the orb has mysterious powers to grant anyone a wish, perhaps we can use it to defeat kamejim

upon hearing the wish part the kings all go WHAT!! and lean in with interest except gira who doesnt react and just kinda stands there (he doesnt seem that interested …?)

the spotlight goes onto yanma and we hear him monologuing abt how he wants to use the wish to make his super computer (i think its hilarious he never gives up on this)

the spotlights goes on himeno and she says she wants a cure all that can cure any wound (🥺)

the spotlights on rita and they wish for a super deluxe limited edition something something moffun 

the spotlights on jeramie and he says, in a very dramatic voice, この2000年生きる語り部が知らない伝説なんて、気に入らない、気に入らないぞ！💀 (a myth that I, this 2000 yr old storyteller has never heard of? i don't like that!)

we dont get to see what gira thinks regarding his wish 0_0 and technically jeramie too bc THAT WASNT A WISH KHGDDDH and also kaguragi because obviously we can never look into his mind hes sussy! (more on dat later tho….)

unbeknownst to the kings, kamejim was hiding and listening in to their conversation the whole time. an orb that can grant any wish…? interesting…

cut to the team arriving at the secluded, very hidden away village. its full of old looking tombs and temples overgrown with vines and such

suddenly from the audience a bunch of people come in parading one of those long dragon puppets and doing a festival-like chant. apparently this dragon is a symbol of the village spirit/guardian born from the comet myth. i think???? i cant remember this part really well because Both times i saw the show i was ALWAYS distracted by gira playing with the dragon really cutely in the background (he’d ruffle its hair or pat its head and the actor would hit gira on his head not to touch it and he would bow in apology😭 🙏)

also upon arriving the village jeramie says "in all my 2000 yrs of living, even i never knew about this place" (i love how they bring up his thousands of years wandering as a cryptid and how much he loves chikyuu and knows it so well,,)

they meet the village elder, whom kaguragi greets but instead of welcoming his king the elder yells at all of them to go home, you shouldnt be here and theres no such thing as the star drop here!! leave us be!! the myth that theres a power that grants wishes here is just that, a myth!

and the teams like zamnnn so we went all the way out here for nothing…? yanmas like kaguragi im gonna beat the shit out of u and in the end everyones like Welp i guess we should go home and everyone except jera start to exit the stage. gira is like wait guys are u sure!?! and watches them go off one by one. in the end jeramies like come on now and either drags gira away or on the show i saw on jan 2nd he casually gently pushes gira on the chest (?) WOULD BE BETTER IF I DREW IT TO EXPLAIN BUT IT WAS CUTE😭)

and then jeramie leaves the stage too but then a few seconds later he walks backward and reappears from the curtain and goes な~んてね (just kidding/as if)

he says “honestly, those kings really cant read between the lines huh? this village is obviously hiding something they dont want us to know”

and so jeramie alone walks in the other direction and leaves to the right of the stage

~the middle of the night~

the village elder is sneaking about, two other village men join him, theyre all whispering very discreetly

the elder is like “are they gone yet?”

“sir yessir theyve gone.”

elder says smth like “good! we cant let any of them get their hands on the village treasure that weve guarded for generations''

the elder decides to go to the tomb to ensure the star drop is safe

cut to jeramie sneaking around trying to find where theyre keeping this dang orb. while he’s looking for it he suddenly hears footsteps, turns out its yanma and himeno who ALSO came back to sneakily look for the orb themselves , jeramies like oh crap seems like theyve caught on as well, he goes to hide behind a platform and this part is absolutely ridiculous like whats wronggg w him tbh

like at first when jeramie goes to hide he lies on his side and had his whole one leg up before belatedly putting it down. yanma and himeno are fighting above him and each time they get closer jeramie would flinch dramatically and at some point hes just striking different poses 😭😭😭 also the one i saw on january 3rd when yanma and himeno get way too close to jeramie, yanmas actor accidentally hits jeramie with his sword probably bc he didnt know what improvised pose he’d be in lol…

we cut back to the elder at the tomb, he says some spell in an unknown language and the tomb opens up and reveals the orb (sitting on a pedestal) he goes to take it but doesnt realize that rita was standing there the whole time

the elders like “what are u doing here!!” rita says something abt how they can tell when ppl are guilty of hiding something/lying 👁👁

then suddenly gira waltzes in and is all like “wooow the stars are so pretty…. wait rita? and elder? hi!! man the stars are just so pretty out here i that i got lost wandering around, can u show me the way back? wait a minute whats that youre holding? :0” (note: GIRA WHO LOVES STARGAZING REALLLL)

elders like NONE OF U CAN HAVE IT!! BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN IF THIS FALLS INTO THE WRONG HANDS! 

ritas like anyway whatever give me that orb, and lunges at the elder to grab it

at this point himeno and yanma arrive to the scene and himenos like that orb is MINE!! and they all fight over it 

rita ends up getting it and IMMEDIATELY they wish for “moffuns warmth” and then moffun actually appears fr on stage 😭😭 while rita is busy going crazy over moffun and hugging it the elder chants another incantation which appears to have reversed the wish and moffun goes away.  yanma gets a hold of the orb next but right at that moment jeramie swings by on a cord and snatches it from him!! 

jeramie lands on the ground, orb in hand all pleased with himself but then.. someone sneaks up from the shadows behind him and its kaguragi!!! and he has his sword to jeramies neck while hes backed against a wall and jeramie goes otto~ (it was sexy as hell tbh)

so kaguragi has the orb now and hes like “so it seems the myth is true. thank you everyone for confirming this for me”

everyones like kaguragi... could it be…? u were just using us to get the star drop yourself this whole time!!!??

and kaguragis like maa maa dont worry abt it (FORGETTING A LOT OF DETAILS HERE but something abt how if a village in his country has been keeping an object so powerful it only makes sense it should be in his hands or something , maybe?)

but anyway no one wins this round because THEN suddenly kamejim appears and takes the hot potato orb from kaguragi 

and hes like ufufufu and then uses the star drop to make his super evil plan to destroy the planet come true, and when he says his wish suddenly the orb starts going crazy with an immense dark force , its glowing purple and its all crackly like a thunderstorm is inside it, the ground shakes and everything around them starts falling apart

the elders like nooooo and tries to take the orb back but kamejim flings him away and the elder is knocked unconscious

in the end, gira manages to get a hold of the star drop but he struggles to keep it still in his hands bc of the wild dark energy, gira tries to repeat the incantation he heard the elder say earlier but it isnt working, then gira is like “i have no other choice!” and it looks like gira holds the orb close to his chest and the stage goes dark as he screams and then a few moments later he reemerges as…… ~Dark Gira~ 

Gira is silent for a moment but then he growls in a rlly low voice “i am the tyrant king… and i will destroy this planet!”  and starts blindly attacking everyone

evil gira doesnt do the classic evil laugh at all… hes eerily silent and mostly growls and groans a lot. he moves creepily like hes possessed, sometimes he crouches rlly low as if hes on all fours like a wild beast, he pounces on kaguragi and pins him to the ground like a predator 😱 (it was scarYyyy). his evil voice is also super super deep (huge win for the actual!evil tyrant gira enthusiasts…)

everyones like gira whats wrong with you!! gira snap out of it!! dont you recognize us?!?! but it seems gira has completely taken in the dark energy of the orb into himself

giras so powerful in this state that he defeats all the other kings. jeramie was the last to try and fight gira and smth ppl pointed out that Indeed i noticed was true on my rewatch is that evil gira mercilessly went for jeramies bugnarak arm 😭(AAAA)

in the end everyone can only lay defeated on the ground. jeramies dramatic ass says “ah, is this how the story ends? what a tragedy..” 

the curtain slowly closes on evil gira standing alone center stage as he once again yells “i will destroy this world…!”

later, kaguragi, yanma, and rita gather together to reassess their plan. himeno joins in late, she just got done treating the elders wounds. he should be fine, and jeramie is looking after him now.

(note: i was internally screaming at this. ever since ep 42 when himeno was taking a look at injured racles and went “jeramie” and jeramie immediately knew to Web up his wounds i was like oh… theyve done this before. himeno and jeramie have been spending time tgt treating ppl/himeno has been teaching jeramie things and vice versa OOUGH MY BELOVED HIMENO AND JERAMIE FRIENDSHIP. JERAMIE NURSE IN TRAINING REAL) (also fuel for my 1677282 different headcanons regarding jeramie and how he deals with his own injuries... himeno getting mad at this 2000 yr old spider w 2000 yr old habits and teaching him how to take care of himself..)

rita is like no wonder the village ppl guarded the star drop so fiercely… 

its a great, dangerous power that no one person should wield..

ah… so the myth is actually a burden/responsibility kaguragi let his ppl carry for 2000 yrs…. kaguragi wanted to help his own ppl, not selfishly use the wish for himself..

yanma deduces that the orb takes on the intense feelings of whoever makes a wish, and to cancel out the dark energy in gira right now, they need a feeling thats more powerful than That

but what?? from where and how?? 

then suddenly, evil gira reappears, still possessed by the dark energy

himenos like i know!! surely his feelings for us kings/our memories together as his friends are stronger!!

(the kings look at the audience)

OF COURSE!! we’ll use the power of everyones emotions here!! everyone, lend us your help, at the count of three, everybody shout gira’s name!!

whenever the audience shouted giraaaa, he gets hit with a sparkly effect, its working!! yanma goes hypeman cheerleader mode and is like CMON IS THAT ALL YOUVE GOT!! SAY IT LOUDERR

and we shout gira a couple times and finally we shout the incantation (it was rlly cute and sweet sobs)

a transition, gira is back to normal. the orb is also back in one piece

jeramie conveniently comes in after the whole thing all “ah, is gira back to normal already?” 💀💀 tuxedo man meme ass…

anyway now that they have the star drop again hot potato is BACK on and they fight kamejim for it one final time.

gira chases after kamejim and theres a funny bit during the chase where kamejim goes into the audience and gives the orb to one of the audience members and hes like “that persons holding it” and giras like oh sorry excuse me! could u please give me that orb? KHAHSHSJSN

then FINALLY once they got the orb back, they manage to actually destroy it for real so that smth like this never happens again. and thus the kings save the village from ruin! the elder is thankful to kaguragi and the others for saving them but ah… now this village no longer has a legend of its own. but then jeramie says “but we have rewritten it by creating a new legend! the story of the six heroes who saved this village!” our 思い (feelings) will be a new legend~

jeramie has this long winded ass curtain closing speech, going on abt probably the power of friendship and 思い and stories that we have to 心に刻まないとね♡ (carve it into our hearts) . i didnt see it on the show i saw but yes, this is where the infamous giramie hug happened :') the one i saw on the 2nd, jeramie said this while putting his hand on giras shoulder and leaning into him, on the 3rd he put a hand to his heart and looked into giras eyes…or visor. he titled his head all cutely and shit too ARGGGHH

and of course jeramie finishes the entire show by going …とさっ♡ (or so the story goes) and since gira and jeramie are standing next to each other center stage the curtain frames the both of them right before the show ends... aaa...

END!

G ROSSO WAS SO GOOD AND FUN AND CUTE, HIGHLY RECOMMEND! if you can, def tune into the livestream theyre doing at some point which is gonna feature the non suit actors in the show!!!

thanks again @valentinezlove for going to see both days w me~ because these days had the special stage greeting from the actors (and thats a WHOLE NOTHER THING IVE MADE SEPARATE POSTS ABOUT), there was no after show handshake with the suit actors but i still got to shake kuwagata-ohgers hand walking into the venue ;7; i will never emotionally recover...

(also i pulled jeramies trading card twice thank you shugods for looking out for me ahsjkd!!!)

[tiffanytoms]

Fuck the Rich

Sooo, I wrote a smutty little one-shot (you can read here or on A03)

Thank you to @athenasparrow for her lovely ✨ Smut Sprinkle ✨ of bending ppl over counters 😉 It really got Lily going 😆

Rating: E Word Count: 11.5k

Warning: Long lead up and then pretty fucking filthy. Lily is super bitter and jaded here — basically what I see could have happened if she’d never given James a chance. And… rich ppl bashing? Is that something I have to warn about? Is that a plus? Again, I dunno, you decide. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Read story after the line ↓

Fuck, she hated rich people. 

Lily grimaced to herself as she followed the frail, old lady through the halls of her larger than life mansion situated here on this vast, sprawling estate. The woman had had the audacity to look at her watch when Lily arrived (at exactly her scheduled start time) as if she was trying to ‘politely’ admonish her for being late. The funny thing about rich people was they loved ‘joking’ that your pay should be docked if you were even a second past the hour, but never seemed to think you should be compensated if you showed up twenty minutes early and they insisted you get to work right away. ‘Because, well, if you’re already here anyway!’

That’s why Lily had started showing up precisely when her paycheck began raking in Galleons. With Apparation, it was just so easy to do. Why give anyone her free labor? This job wasn’t even her passion — it was just her means of keeping her (small, crumbling, hardly suitable) roof over her head.

Fuck. She shouldn’t be thinking like this. Being a chef wasn’t that bad. Honestly, Lily would even enjoy it if she didn’t feel like it was a job she was forced into out of sheer necessity. What was even the point of graduating the top of her class at Hogwarts if no one was hiring her kind? Ahem, let her rephrase that, people without experience who also, just so happened — weird coincidence really, definitely don’t quote us — to be Muggle-born. Lily had watched rejection after rejection owl in from all the prestigious potion companies, followed by the average ones, and then even from the potion shop down the street from her. It turned out a handwritten letter of recommendation from Professor Slughorn himself couldn’t convince the owner of Pop-Up Potions that hiring Lily was worth the possible Death Eater retaliatory attack. 

Lily wished that people understood that ‘staying out of it’ was very much still picking a side. And that side was the wrong one. 

So, Lily had licked her wounds and tried not to get more and more bitter as all her friends, and enemies, found jobs she would have killed for while she had to scramble for gig economy work. Eventually, she was hired as a chef for a luxury catering company. It worked because she was kept out of sight in the kitchens, and the clients were never the same (but always so insanely wealthy), so no one had to worry about being attacked for employing an undesirable. At first, Lily didn’t understand why the families that hired her didn’t just use their house-elves’ cooking, but she supposed that everyone wanted to try new dishes every now and again. (And a darker, more cynical side of her wondered if these rich prats secretly got off on making other humans serve them.)

Lily got to use her potions skills, but instead of making life-saving brews like she wanted to, she was using her magic to make the best damn five course meal of these people’s lives — all by herself. Who needed a sous chef when you had a wand? 

The best part of her job was the pride that came from seeing all her food, all lined up and ready to go, and knowing it was scrumptious and she could replicate it again for herself at home — even though it would have to be with slightly less expensive ingredients. The worst part was knowing sometimes her creations were going to feed the very same people who were pushing her to the outskirts of society. She would never forget the day she accidentally overheard some of her clients say how ‘Muggle-born rights had gone too far.’ It was insane to think that she was somehow good enough to make them their food, but apparently not good enough for anything else. Their logic was infuriating.

And that’s how she ended up here: following this lady through the maze of her home, being told ‘not to touch anything — it’s all antique family heirlooms.’

It’s all Merlin-awfully hideous, is what it is. Why this lady was convinced that Lily would want to run off with her gold-framed oil painting of a basket of fruit was so beyond her. 

“And here we are!” the lady announced, pushing open the swinging door to her gigantic kitchen. “I’m sure the house-elves are around here somewhere if you need help finding anything.” Lily knew what that meant: don’t ask me because I’ve literally never used this kitchen before in my life so I wouldn’t even know where we keep the spoons. She turned to leave, but then stopped dramatically. “Oh! The countertops are Italian marble, so they—”

“Stain instantly,” Lily finished for her. She would never understand this. Why on earth would anyone ever pay a premium to install a surface into their kitchen that made it practically unusable? Even a mere drop of lemon juice could forever tarnish the damn entire slab. Because they’re not the ones who have to use it, Lily. You and the house-elves are… “Not to worry,” Lily said out loud as she swished her wand, covering all the counters in a shiny film of magic. “This will protect it.”

The old lady’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure?”

Another thing Lily just loved about rich people? They always assumed the help was so, so dumb. “Yes. Please don’t worry. I’ve done this countless times. Your counters will be spotless when I leave.”

The lady nodded, either mollified by Lily’s words or by the knowledge that she could simply sue Lily’s company for new marble countertops afterwards, and left out the door. 

Lily let out a huge sigh of relief, glad to finally be alone. She opened her tote bag and began emptying out all her coolers before magicking them back to size. If she recalled correctly, tonight’s event was an engagement party — so while the food was always expected to be delicious, tonight its presentation had to be absolutely flawless. Basically, the plates would have to look like edible art — but yummy. Always yummy. 

After briefly being greeted by her manager, Lily started on the hors d’oeuvres, laughing a little to herself when she saw the menu choices. Okay, one of the people getting married still had the appetite of a child, because for every high-end option like ‘ahi tuna on a gluten-free wonton crisp topped with a wasabi aioli drizzle’, there was a ‘pig in a blanket with ketchup’ alternative as well. (Truth be told, the appetizers that looked like they belonged on the kids’ menu were always the biggest crowdpleasers. Even with the rich.) She knew which hors d’oeuvres her servers would be fighting to pass tonight. (No one liked having to be the poor sod who had to push ‘goat cheese on a Belgian endive’ on anyone. Coming back to the kitchen with anything other than a completely empty tray was discouraged.)

“Hello, Lil,” Mary, her favorite server and also longtime friend, said as she arrived in the kitchen shortly afterwards. 

Lily embraced her in a quick hug. “Mm, you smell nice.”

“You smell like bacon. What’s on the menu?” 

Lily laughed as she handed it over. “Knock yourself out.”

Mary’s smile dripped off her face seconds later. “Lil… why does this menu say ‘Black Engagement Party’?!”

Lily snatched the sheet back. “Oh bollocks, seriously?” If she had to make a list of all the affluent, entitled Purebloods that she didn’t want to serve, the Blacks would probably be at the top of that list. “I didn’t think they had an estate out here?” She looked around the kitchen as if there would be a bright neon sign that read ‘Food for Purebloods Only’ just lying about.

“I dunno,” Mary said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Hang on, no,” Lily reasoned desperately. “The woman that let me in — she was the lady of the house and I didn’t recognize her.” The Black family loved being in all the society pages of The Prophet. As much as Lily hated to admit it, she would probably be able to identify the lot of them.

Mary’s eyes got large as saucers. “Unless…”

“Quaffle, have you seen—?” Lily didn’t even get to prompt Mary to continue, because just a second later, a handsome, unfairly fit wizard whom Lily hadn’t seen since graduation three years prior ambled into the kitchen. He stuffed a hand into his hair, and Lily hated that she remembered the quirk so well. “Oh. Hey Evans.”

Fuuuuuuccccckkkkk. Lily did a mental replay of her morning routine to recall if she’d put on some makeup, or even paid any attention to her appearance at all. She had not. “Potter,” she replied shortly. 

“Fuck,” Mary whispered the word of the day under her breath before zooming off. Lily assumed she was finding a bathroom where she could compose herself — or have a nervous breakdown. If James Potter was here, then there was a near certain likelihood that the Black who had gotten engaged was Sirius — aka Mary’s ex-boyfriend. Lily’s heart ached for her friend. Was there anything worse than having to serve your ex and his newly beloved? She thought not. 

“She all right?” James asked concerned, looking at the still swinging door that Mary had exited through. 

“She’ll be fine,” Lily lied, covering for her. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, uh,” James said, shifting from one foot to the other, clearly finding himself off-kilter with Lily’s unexpected appearance. “I was just looking for my house-elf.”

Oh. Oh my gods, of course! This is his house! Well. His parents’ house… Lily slowly closed her eyes and took a deep breath in through her nose. She’d known he was rich, but she’d never imagined he was castle-on-the-hill type of wealthy. His whole privileged, popular air at school made so much more sense now. He’d always been annoying, and for a year straight he’d asked her out as a joke, but after she’d temporarily hexed his bollocks off at the end of 5th year (Pomfrey had not been amused), he’d finally gotten the message and steered clear of her. Last Lily heard, he was working for his dad’s potions company — because of course he was. 

“Haven’t seen them,” Lily replied. 

“Right, okay,” James said awkwardly, looking wholly uncomfortable. Lily wondered if he was still a little bit afraid of her. She supposed that would be a reasonable reaction — she doubted anyone else had ever temporarily castrated him. But in her defense, she had told him if he ever asked her out one more time that she would. 

What could Lily say? She was a woman of her word. Her stubborn, stubborn word. 

She took a moment to take him in. There had been a couple of times (okay, maybe more than a couple) her final year at Hogwarts that she’d wondered if she had perhaps made a mistake in rejecting him. He’d obviously matured quite a bit, and honestly, he wasn’t too bad on the eyes…

Well, looking at him now, here in his kitchen, he’d only gotten better. He seemed to have finally found a good hairstyle that worked well with his luscious locks, not too long and not too short, and it let his soft curls have a bit of bounce in all their beautiful disarray. He’d also filled into his formerly lanky body quite nicely, and Lily was definitely noticing the slight strain to his shirt sleeves around his biceps and the cut lines of his forearms. His arms. Honestly, those were probably what did her in the most at school… If she closed her eyes, she could still feel the traitorous sting of jealousy the day Emmeline Vance had leaned over to him across her desk and doodled on one of his arms with her quill. She couldn’t explain back then why her blood had boiled quite so ferociously, but she probably could now… if she thought about it. (She didn’t want to think about it.)

Either way, the same hazel gaze that had peeved her before now pierced, and even in his uncertainty, he was still exuding a confidence that had definitely been lacking before. At school he’d given a boyish performance of arrogance. Now, he simply oozed the self-assurance of a man. And a dangerously sexy one at that.

Fuck, Lily thought for what felt like the thousandth time this evening. She was far too horny to be at work. She hadn’t gotten properly laid in way too long, and clearly it was manifesting itself in strange ways. She’d never slept with any of her clients, obviously, but she’d also never even had any sort of desire to. 

There is no need to start now, she told her body to no avail.

“Do you need anything else?” she asked him. Sure, he lived here, but if there was anything she hated, it was hosts who hovered in her space while she was trying to do her job — handsome hosts or not. (She was telling herself she hated his presence, ooh, she was telling herself that.)

“Nope,” James replied. “Is there anything you need?”

Oh, so many fucking things, and none of them are PG. 

Lily shook her head, trying to clear her unsanctioned, gutter musings. Unfortunately, the follow-up thoughts were not very helpful either. Was this the first time a client had ever offered to help her? Like… with anything? How in the world was it James friggin’ Potter who was showing her more common decency than all the previous pompous wankers combined?

The bar was truly so low. 

Just before she could gape at him for too long, wand hand slightly sagging while attempting to chop her onions, her manager Greg came rushing through the door, looking at his clipboard. “Shit, Rebecca’s just called in sick. We’re gonna be short-staffed tonight. Where’s Mary?”

Lily winced. If there was one rule in catering, it was to never let the guests see you sweat. “In the bathroom?” she said mousily, hoping her tone would convince Greg to look up and realize they weren’t alone.

It did. “Oh! Mr Potter!” Greg schmoozed, his demeanor completely shifting to pleasant and ingratiating. “I didn’t see you there!”

“Oh, you can just call me James,” he said, offering his hand out for Greg to shake. “Mr Potter makes me sound like my father.”

“And what a compliment that must be! I’m Greg. I’m your party’s manager tonight.” 

Barf. Lily didn’t hate that Greg groveled, because she was sure it often got them extra tips, she just hated that he had to. 

James chuckled good-naturedly for Greg's sake while he clapped his hands together. “I feel like since I’m the groom’s best man and live here, I’m duty-bound to be of service. So seriously, if you’re understaffed or need any help tonight, you can always put me to work.”

Greg laughed even though his face said he was crying of mortification on the inside. “No! Nooo, absolutely no need. We got this all under control! Please, don’t let us stop you from getting ready! Everything will go off without a hitch on our end!”

James gave Lily one last good look, making her uneasy and inexplicably twitchy, before giving Greg a nod and leaving. 

Fuck. What was that? And how dare he make her so wet? She was at work!

“Shit!” Greg whispered, breaking Lily’s strange trance. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me we had the goddamn host in the kitchen?!”

Could she point out it wasn’t her job to make her manager open his damn eyes? “Sorry.”

Greg rubbed his forehead. “It’s fine.” He sighed. “Now where’s Mary?”

Lily pointed to the door she’d left through, wanting him to go away so she could have peace. No angry managers, no sultry blasts from the past — simply her and her food. Suddenly the end of this shift couldn’t come fast enough. Sure, she wasn’t ashamed of what she did for work, but she knew that deep down, she wished that the first time she saw James after years wasn’t while cooking at his place for a party that she hadn’t been invited to. Obviously you weren’t invited; you were never a part of that circle! But still: it was weird, and Lily didn’t like it. 

Now if only she could stop thinking about how bloody good he looked, then maybe everything would be okay. 

☆☆☆

“Shit! Shit shit shit shiiiiit!” Greg wheezed, ambling back into the kitchen, not having learnt his lesson and still not looking up, only five minutes later. “Mary says she’s sick and is going home now too! We only have one server for like fifty super upscale guests! This is a disaster!”

“Maybe they both caught the same bug?” Lily fibbed. Rebecca wasn’t a liar, so she probably actually was sick, but Mary deserved someone to have her back today. “We all worked the same party last night.”

Greg looked up at her pointedly. “Don’t you dare get sick on me too. I won’t let you leave. If you vomit, vomit away from the food.”

Ew. “Roger that.”

So half an hour later, Greg and one poor, overworked server were pushing out all the appetizers by themselves while Lily started on the entrees between heating duties.

“The truffle honey brie cups are ready,” Lily said as she heard the door swing open.

“Roger that.”

Lily looked up startled, this time actually dropping her wand. It turned out she too hadn’t learnt from Greg’s mistake. 

It was James. He still says that, she thought (somehow) breathlessly.She’d nearly forgotten that the whole reason she said that silly phrase was because it was practically all he’d ever reply to her at Head meetings when they’d been Head Girl and Boy. She’d started parroting it back to him in jest, but then it had sort of… stuck. 

It was weird to realize all these years later that he’d had any impact on her, even if it was something as small as a slight tweak to her vernacular.

Before Lily could react, he bent down to pick up her wand off the floor, offering it to her. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He had changed out of his grey teeshirt and jeans and was now wearing a crisp navy blue button-up, tastefully (albeit cruelly) unbuttoned two notches. He’d always had beautiful, flawless skin, and that still seemed to be the case, although she didn’t think she’d ever seen that particular patch. She’d made a point to never go to Quidditch matches back in school lest she witness any more reasons to regret her decision to reject him. 

“You’re fine,” she said under her breath, trying to ignore the way her fingers had to brush his to take her wand back. Okay, so they hadn’t had to, but she’d wanted them too. Damn, I shouldn’t want to touch him. She turned around to direct all her fingerling potatoes into neat little piles across fifty plates. 

“You doing okay in here?”

“Huh?” Sure, she was a professional, but it still took a lot of concentration to keep so many moving parts going. 

“Are you doing okay?” he repeated. “I figured Mary bounced after she realized this party was for Sirius because… well. You know.”

Lily turned back to face him, finding him tugging at his hair again. He had to stop doing that. It was making her want to do it for him. “Yeah…” Wow, of course he still remembers Mary. She had dated his best mate in school. Naturally, they must have hung out too. If Lily recalled correctly, Mary had tried to persuade her on many occasions that James was actually a decent bloke, but Lily hadn’t wanted to listen. Of course Mary had said that — she was in love with his best friend! She probably wanted some sort of harmony amongst her people or had some silly daydream about double dates and whatnot. Mary had dropped the topic when she’d realized Lily was going to remain obstinate about the whole thing.

She’d truly always been too pigheaded for her own good. 

Lily cleared her throat and tried again. “Yes, we’ll manage just fine. We always do. Sorry you heard all that, but I’m sure your family will be reimbursed for getting less staff than you paid for.”

James’ brows scrunched as he observed her. “Evans,” he began slowly, “it’s me. You don’t have to give me your whole customer service bullshit.” She watched as his pronounced Adam’s apple bobbed with what looked like a parched swallow. "We know each other.”

A shiver ran down Lily’s spine, and like most of the feelings she experienced around this man, she wasn’t quite sure why. Did they? Did they know each other at all?I mean, they’d shared a bunch of classes years ago, but had they ever really talked more than a few jibes here and there? She pushed all the confusion away. “Sorry Potter, but I really need to get these plates ready or else—”

“Then put me to use,” James said simply as he committed the single biggest sexy sin: he deftly popped open his cufflinks before slowly rolling up his sleeves. 

Oh, fuck you. Was he trying to torture her? Kitchens were already notoriously hot enough without James Potter parading himself around like some sort of mouthwatering arm candy. “That’s okay—”

“Seriously, Evans. I don’t know if you remember, but I’m actually quite good at magic.” She really hoped he didn’t notice she was still fixated on his gorgeous hands and forearms. “So go on. Order me about. I remember you really used to love doing that.”

Oh man. Yep. She was still too horny for this — because that? Him telling her to ‘use him’ and ‘boss him around’ was really doing things for her. Deciding it was easier to just put him to work rather than fight him on it, Lily blew a stray strand of hair that had escaped her bun off of her forehead before showing him the correct wandwork for how to place the filet mignon slices in a delightful staggered row. At least this way, she’d have enough time to finish up her sauce.

They worked side by side for some time, Lily wholeheartedly trying to ignore just how much she liked having him there. Sure, watching a man cook was sexy in and of itself, but just…knowing that there was this whole party going on on the other side of that wall, but instead of being there, he was electing to stay and help her? 

Honestly, the whole thing sort of made her want him to bend her over this stupid-ass marble countertop and do her right there. Why could she picture that so easily? Her leggings around her ankles, his hand bracing against the cabinets above her while he pounded into her again and again from behind, bruising her hips as they bumped rhythmically against the counter. She rubbed her thighs together, almost wishing she could feel the soreness that should be there — that would be, if only he let her use him in the manner she so desperately craved.

Fuck, she needed some water. And maybe a cigarette. (She had never even smoked a day in her life.)

“How have you been?” he asked, finally breaking the amicable, if not highly charged, silence between them.

“Fine,” she lied. It was easier to sugarcoat things. She truly doubted he’d ever understand her problems. Why would he? He obviously lived a completely different life. 

He nodded. 

A few seconds later, she realized it was probably really rude if she didn’t at least ask him the same thing back. “And you?”

James looked at her and smiled, a genuinely warm and lovely smile, and Lily felt her heart skip the smallest of beats. “Good, yeah, really good. Happy for Pads of course.”

“Oh yeah,” Lily hummed noncommittally. “Getting married.”

“Yup.”

“That’s crazy.”

“You think so?” he asked her, completely taking her by surprise.

“I mean, yeah,” Lily fumbled. “We’re still quite young…”

James shrugged. “When you know, you know.”

Lily swished her wand and watched as a sprig of rosemary deposited itself onto every piping hot dish, finishing the plates’ perfect appearance. “I guess.”

James folded his arms and turned to her, leaning back against the (far too saucy) counter. “What? You don’t believe in love or something?”

“No, I do.” Why had the question unnerved her so much? Why did she suddenly feel so defensive?

“We’re just too young?” he pushed.

Lily’s eyes shot up to his with his choice of words. We aren’t anything, at least not together — not in that sense. But the more she saw his eyes shining through his glasses, challenging, twinkling with mischievous mirth, the more she decided she was so down to bang him. The thought had morphed from a naughty daydream to a full-blown mission in record time, but screw it, we are young. Wasn’t youth all about making mistakes and doing what you wanted? She was horny, and if he was anything like he was at school, he was probably also down, so why the fuck not? She’d probably never see him again, so as far as no-strings attached hookups went, he was probably the best she was going to get. Besides, she wanted to shag him. Like, really, truly wanted to have him blow out her back and break her mind from how hard she wanted him to fuck her. Shouldn’t that be reason enough?

It was just sex.

Fuck it, let’s fuck him. 

Now all she had to do was glean if he was actually down — but come on, he was spending like a quarter of this party with her; this had to be his motive. Get in her good graces so he could get in her pants — it was practically what he’d tried to do back at Hogwarts, but he hadn’t been as smooth back then. Or maybe she just hadn’t been this desperate, who knew? 

Then, once she was sure he was game, she had to figure out how to make it happen.

“Shouldn’t you be out at the party doing best man duties?” she fished.

James’ eyes dropped to her lips and back before his own slipped into a smirk. “He’s so wrapped all over Aya right now, I doubt he’s even noticed I’m gone.”

Oooh, so that’s it. Lily held back a scoff. Weddings always had a special way of making single people feel lonely as hell. Lily was cool with that. If he wanted to fuck away his wedding-related blues and she wanted a good lay to make her temporarily forget all the injustices of the world, that sounded like a win-win to her. 

“Lily are the—” 

Lily hadn’t even realized her lower lip was between her teeth until Greg’s sudden intrusion into the kitchen had made her bite down on it. “Ow.”

“Mr Potter!” Her manager sounded borderline hysterical. “Can we help you?”

“Oh no, Greg. Lily was just being kind enough to entertain me for a bit. I’ll get out of everyone’s way.” He pushed off the counter, walking past Lily with the brush of his palm against her lower back. 

She normally hated it when guys did that. She did not hate it this time. Oh he is so fucking down. She grinned to herself smugly. The rest of the evening passed by pleasantly swift after that.

☆☆☆

“Thank you so much! Really, everyone was simply raving about the food!” the frail, old lady — apparently James’ mum — said at the end of the party when only the last few stragglers were left mingling by the edge of the bar in their backyard. Lily suspected the rest of her crew would probably have to stay another hour for cleanup, but mercifully, she could go home now. 

“I’m glad everyone liked it,” Lily said politely, trying not to look at James standing by his mother’s side. It felt wrong to acknowledge him in his mother’s presence considering all the filthy ways she’d already fantasized about taking him that night. After James had helped her make dinner, he’d popped back around for desserts, and then even again afterwards to slip her a glass of champagne. Normally, the servers would be the ones to do that — ‘I’ll sneak you some booze if you sneak me some food’ — but with how crazy the party had been, obviously this hadn’t been the case tonight. Also, Lily had never encountered a server brazen enough to bring Lily a glass of the really good stuff. She had no doubt that she had probably been sipping on a hundred Galleons worth of bubbly. James had choked a little bit when Lily had splashed a dash of orange juice into her flute, but honestly, she didn’t care. If it tasted better ‘ruined,’ then so be it.

Oh, how the other half lives.

James’ mum turned to him. “Will you please be a dear and give this woman her tip and then see her out?”

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. I don’t want your damn oil paintings, lady. Lily almost laughed to herself as she amended, Just your son’s dignity. 

James had the decency to blush with his mum’s command. “Of course.” His mother patted him on the chest before leaving for a separate door that Lily assumed led upstairs. 

And then they were alone. Lily checked to make sure she’d shrunk and stashed away all her coolers before removing the counter protection spell.

“Got everything?” James prompted. Did he feel slightly awkward too? Was he perhaps also figuring out a way to get the two of them just as alone upstairs where they could have a little more privacy?

“Oh…” Lily smiled as she turned around and reached for the water bottle that she may have placed on the far reaches of the counter solely so that she could bend over to grab it. If she had to be tortured by the desire to have him fuck her against it all night, then the least he could do was join her in her pain for two seconds. “Got it,” she said innocently as she turned around, hoisting her tote bag higher over her shoulder before slipping her water inside. 

She’d never seen James’ cheeks rosier. It was oddly endearing. She wondered if he’d always had a smattering of freckles across his nose, or if they had shown up with his darkening tan. They’re probably new and due to his increased time for lavish vacations now that he’s out of school. 

Ugh. 

“Great,” James said, still seemingly having a hard time looking her in the eye after her little stunt. “Let me just take you to the vault for a second.”

“Excuse me?” Vault? What?

James looked at her horrified. “It’s not in the basement or anything—”

Lily laughed. “I don’t think you’re gonna kidnap me, Potter. I was more pointing out the absurdity of someone having a vault in their home.”

“Oh.” He looked kind of lost for words. Clearly he didn’t even realize it was absurd. Maybe everyone he knew had one. “Right.”

Lily followed him out of his kitchen and down the hall. 

“So you had a good night?” he asked. 

“It was all right. Yours?”

“Only all right?” he prodded, turning around and walking backwards so that he could look at her with a boyish grin as he continued leading the way. 

Oof. Stop. I’m already gonna fuck you; you don’t have to be any more charming. “I mean, I was working, so…”

James’ nose twitched before he came to a stop. “Right.” He opened an ornate door and cast a special charm on a thick titanium box inside that glowed purple before cracking ajar. Lily didn’t think she’d ever seen that many Galleons all stacked in neat little rows as far as her eyes could see. Clearly the vault had been cast with the same magic spell as her tote bag and could hold infinite objects. Oh how Lily wished her bag was filled with this much gold. 

“Uhh…” James struggled, again not being able to look directly at her, but now for a completely different reason. “Um,” he let out a weird chuckle, “what do you normally get… uh—”

It was hard not to take pity on him. Why was money such a touchy subject? Well, you really hate the rich so… clearly the whole money thing affects you too. Lily pushed the bout of self reflection aside.“How much do I normally get tipped for parties that I cook for?”

James slid his glasses up his nose where they’d started to slip. “Yes.” He seemed so grateful she’d found the words for him. 

Lily crossed her arms, figuring toying with him might be fun. “Depends. I guess you need to determine how satisfied you were with my work.” James’ eyes sliced to hers before he blinked profusely, and so fucking cutely. Fuck, she had never found him cute before. Truth be told, she didn’t think popular jock James Potter could be cute back in the day. “I’m kidding,” she whispered, leaning into him before his internalized panic combusted him. “You were just making it really weird. But yeah, normally just a few Galleons for a party this big—”

“Here,” he cut her off, grabbing two heaping handfuls of gold and shoving them into her hands. 

Lily’s brows shot up her forehead as she tried to balance all the coins. “Yeah, that’s too much—”

“Hogwash.”

“No really, I think you just gave me like, twenty times my biggest tip ever—”

“Great! Consider it backpay for all the times I bothered you in school. Can this conversation be over now?”

Lily looked at him skeptically before tittering, somehow finagling her bag open a smidge so she could throw the money inside. The coins clattered for a good thirty seconds, raining down on all the various coolers and tools she’d brought, before she could talk again. “Well. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Ever.” James smiled. “Please.”

She bit her lip again, but this time, she was fully aware of it. “Okay.”

James ruffled his hair before pointing the way out of the small room. “It was actually good to see you again, Evans.”

Oh crap. Was it silly of Lily to feel slightly cheated? Like, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever been more pitifully worked up in her life, and he was going to send her home? She sighed. She supposed this was her karma for rejecting him all those years ago. Although, she stood by that choice. (She did!) The James walking beside her now was leagues beyond that bloke she’d avoided like the plague back in 5th year. 

They got to the grand foyer of his house. “Yeah.” She grinned. “Surprisingly good.”

“Surprisingly?” he repeated teasingly. “Evans, you wound me.”

He was flirting. Was it bad that some of that hope for a possible hookup came rushing back to her? “Let’s just say you weren’t the worst company tonight.”

Clearly her face was doing something, because his expression suddenly seemed to morph to match it. Was he getting it? Was he understanding that bedding her tonight was a done deal? She’d heard that some ridiculously high percentage of all communication was nonverbal, and in this moment, she believed it. A look flitted across his face, but was gone an instant later. “Do you…” His eyes strayed from hers, watching the way Lily licked her lips utterly enraptured before snapping back. “Do you wanna…?”

Lily nodded at him encouragingly. “Stay?” 

James blinked rapidly, as if physically removing the confusion from his eyes. “Um, yeah?”

She shoots, she scores! Lily cheered to herself, so glad this whole night wouldn’t be a complete bust. It really was so hard to go out and mingle with people her own age when her work hours were literally everyone else’s party time. “Awesome.” She gave him a charming smile, figuring they were both finally on the same page. “Do you mind if I use your shower first? Sorry, I smell like food.”

James shook his head, still seeming to have a hard time processing the entire chain of events. He was probably used to having to work harder for it, but at this point, Lily was so ready to get off and was past the point of caring what any rich douche thought of her. “Oh, yeah. Of course. You can use mine.”

Lily followed him up the grand staircase, making small talk and glancing at the various childhood photographs of him that lined the wall. As far as she was concerned, they were far more interesting to look at than the stupid fruits on display downstairs. 

“And this is my room,” James announced rather unnecessarily. Even if he hadn’t been there to proclaim it, Lily was sure she could have found his space by the loud pop of Gryffindor red on the walls or the various Quidditch posters plastered everywhere.

“Wow James,” she teased, closing his door behind her and walking around, taking it all in. “This feels very…”

“I know,” James admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “I haven’t really changed anything since school, but honestly I keep telling myself I’m about to move out so it doesn’t matter, but then…”

“You don’t,” Lily finished for him. Normally, she’d feel pissed, thinking about how he was blessed with the advantage of free room and board only to be considering giving it up… but then she realized that if he wasn’t planning on living by himself soon, she would judge him for his inability to grow up. 

It was rather silly how you could always find flaws in the people that you were already determined to hate anyway.

How was James Potter making her think of him — and people like him — like a person? It was pretty uncomfortable. She rather enjoyed thinking of all the privileged assholes of the world as one entity. One conglomeration of misery that met every Tuesday to discuss how they could ruin the lives of everyone else. Of poor people.

All that being said, this was hardly the bachelor pad she’d been envisioning for him. It was damn near impossible to picture him bringing that many girls back here. 

“Yeah,” James sighed. He pointed to the door in the back corner of the room. “That’s my bathroom. You can shower and there are fresh towels in the closet.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “I can go back while you—”

“No, that’s okay,” Lily responded quickly. She wasn’t going to take that long. Why would he leave? That sort of defeated the whole purpose of tonight. “Stay. I’ll be right out.”

“Okay,” James agreed, stuffing his hands in his pockets as she disappeared into his bathroom. It was clean as hell, but she supposed that was to be expected when he had house-elves; she wouldn’t be giving him any unearned credit for tidiness that wasn’t even his own. 

The first thing she did was stare at herself in the mirror. Sure, so it wasn’t her best look, but it wasn’t her worst either. And clearly, the man wasn’t complaining. She turned on the water while stripping out of her gross work clothes before stepping in and melting under the divine water pressure of James’ shower head. She could really get used to this. (It might just be the best perk of being rich she’d discovered so far, you know, besides all the other obvious ones.) She scrubbed and shaved herself quickly (thank you wand) before toweling off and rummaging through her bag for her emergency eyeliner. If she was going to shag this guy, she might as well feel her best while doing so. 

Satisfied that she was presentable, Lily performed a quick hair drying spell, clutched the towel around her chest, and walked back into James’ room, finding him sitting at his desk, bouncing his knee. He popped up to his feet as soon as he saw her re-enter, his eyes wildly scanning down her towel-clad body. “Hi.”

He was still fully dressed. Lily had no idea why, but she’d have bet money that he would be lounging across his bed in his boxers by the time she got out. Maybe with one leg propped up and open while he leaned on his palm. “Hi,” she responded with a curious grin. Did she, Lily Evans, actually make him nervous? Like, not scared-for-his-bollocks nervous but… this kind of nervous?

“Good shower?” he asked, his eyes seemingly unable to keep from dipping to her towel periodically as she walked up to him. She had to imagine it was a thrill just knowing how close she was to being totally bare for him — because no one looked that good in a fluffy red towel. If she’d have seen his awestruck expression in a vacuum, she would have assumed he was watching the most beautiful woman on the planet approach him in the sexiest lingerie known to womankind. Not because of this.

She was ready, he was ready, so why should they keep playing games? “Excellent shower,” she whispered as she dropped the towel, standing before him naked. 

There was a three second beat. 

“Holy shit.”

Lily laughed, appreciating that he was at least trying (and succeeding) to make her feel special. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss. He took a second to reanimate, a nice further touch on his part, but then Lily felt his fingers as they clutched her waist, pinching her in as he pulled her closer, flush against his body, before responding to her lips’ fervor. Fuck, the man knew how to snog. Lily rarely found anything as disappointing in life as having a crush whose kissing style vastly differed from her own, but all it took was two seconds to realize this would not be the case with James. When their mouths danced and her instincts took over, she knew that she could switch her mind off and just let her body feed off of his. She didn’t have to overthink, she didn’t have to analyze, she could just feel her yearning and have it be answered by his, because his body was picking up what she was putting down and meeting her there. He groaned into her mouth and her hips stuttered, somehow already so fucking primed for him to take her.

“Fuck Lily,” James breathed between kisses, reaching down for her bum and picking her up, encouraging her legs to wrap around him so he could spin them the other way and deposit her onto his desk. “Where did—?”

But Lily didn’t want to entertain his questions; she wanted to get him naked. “You’re still awfully dressed, Potter.” She kissed and nipped down his neck, squeezing her calves so that his tented trousers grazed her cunt, hopefully reminding him that she was exposed for him already, so let’s get a move on. Her fingers got to work plucking open his buttons, pulling back slightly so she could see his chest as she pushed his fancy shirt over his broad shoulders. Fuck! Yeah, not attending his games had definitely been a smart act of self-preservation on her part. The man looked like a friggin’ model straight out of her dreams. 

“I’m living out my fantasy,” James panted, finally helping her out and shrugging off his shirt, letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor in a heap. He seemed to really love the attention she was giving his neck. It only encouraged her to graze her teeth a little bit rougher, loving how she could directly feel the effect it had on his breathing. “Give me a moment.”

Ugh, there was the cocky arsehole she remembered. The line was just so corny. “You’ve always wanted to fuck your chef?” she sassed back. He could try to win her over with witty rehearsed one-liners, but she sure as shit didn’t have to fall for them. As far as she was concerned, she was hooking up with him in spite of who he was, and definitely not because of it. 

James laughed but didn’t respond, instead opting to lean forward into her and claim her mouth once more as he dragged her closer to the edge of the desk, his hand on the small of her back just like she’d liked so much in the kitchen. He didn’t seem to be able to help himself from rocking her against him, making them both moan in unison. This whole situation just seemed like a drawn-out tease, and Lily was ready to get to the real action.

Truthfully, he was far too good at kissing, his tongue wickedly playing with hers, and if Lily wasn’t careful, she might just let him do this all night. She had to remain focused. She couldn’t get distracted… no matter how much it seemed like James was cheekily, rakishly trying to. She pushed his body back slightly by his warm, far too chiseled chest so that she had room to finagle with his belt, biting and tugging on his lower lip as she pulled the leather end free. “I need you to fuck me, Potter,” she commanded before pulling the belt all the way out and pushing down his trousers. 

James’ jaw clenched as he stepped out of his pants and took both of her hands in his own in order to pull her from the desk, leading her towards his bed. “What do you want?” he asked gruffly when she stood beside the mattress. He hurriedly pushed his trunks down so that he was just as naked as she was. 

Fuck yes. She had no idea why — again, probably for survival purposes — but through the years she had convinced herself that he had to have the world’s tiniest pecker. 

Turned out he didn’t. Not even close.

“Eyes are up here, Evans,” he taunted, and Lily was almost mad that she’d given him the opportunity for such an easy line. 

“From behind,” she said, already knowing the pure havoc those simple words would wreak on the poor boy. The same basic, primal instinct that she knew she was tapping into to get the best reaction out of him as possible was the same reason she wanted the position in the first place. She didn’t want his fake romance or any platitudes that he’d forget spewing as soon as he came — she wanted to get fucked. Raw and hard and deep. Right fucking now. If she was nothing but a servant to people like him, he could just as easily be nothing but an easy shag for someone like her.

She crawled onto the mattress on her hands and knees, looking back over her shoulder at him, making sure to give her hair a good flip. He looked like he’d just died. She was right: he was easy. “Chop chop.”

He shook his head, trying to get at least some blood back into his brain. “Chef humor.” It didn’t come out as a burn or any sort of comeback, but more like the words of a man who was trying to prove to himself that he had some semblance, any clue really, of what was going on around him. 

Lily chuckled. She had to at least give him brownie points for putting those two things together in his addled, fully erect state. She knew men weren’t always at their brightest when their cocks were so painfully hard.

But then, James seemed to want to regain some iota of his dignity back. Standing behind her, he gently skimmed his fingers from her tailbone, over her arse, all the way through her pussy lips while his free hand tugged absentmindedly on his cock. The sight stole the breath straight out of Lily’s lungs. It was dumb, because he was about to be inside of her, but she wanted to be the one with his cock in her hands. She wanted to feel him as he thickened, ride him as he throbbed, and taste him right before he wilted. She wanted him all, all to herself.

“Are you ready?” His voice was a timber so low, so sexy, she thought she might have gotten even wetter — a feat that she wasn’t aware was even possible.

“Touch me and find out.” She bit her lower lip, not sure anymore if she was still seducing him, or just in desperate need to bite something, anything, if she couldn’t bite him. He was currently this perfect combination of flustered and eager and it was completely driving her up a wall.

He followed her heed and slipped one finger into her, whimpering almost as loudly as she did when he felt her body clutch around him greedily. “Fuck, Lily, you’re so fucking wet right now,” he breathed as he slowly began to massage his finger in and out of her. 

Lily arched her spine, flexing into the welcome feeling of him discovering her. “I’ve been this wet for you all night. So kind of you to notice.” Her fingers scrunched into his sheets, clearly some expensive, high thread count shit, as she lowered her chest to the mattress, displaying herself all the more blatantly for him. Had James been a viable dating prospect for her, she probably wouldn’t have been so shameless. If James Potter was someone whom she could actually date in the real world, she might be playing it coy, or give a single flying scruple about how he could interpret her visible keenness for him to plow her senseless as a negative. Because, who knows why, but actively wanting to get fucked is still seen as a negative for girls. But alas, the James Potters of the world never ended up with the Lily Evanses, so… she could be as real, and as lustfully turned on for him as she positively was… and show it. 

“Fuck,” he repeated, actually sounding tortured as he added a second finger inside of her. 

The naughty stretch was everything Lily had been missing these past few months. She rocked forward as she muffled her cries into his mattress, letting her bottom lip drag across the satin sheet as she slowly tilted her head up before looking back at him. “Yeah, just like that, Potter.” She hadn’t expected him to be quite this talented of a lover, but she supposed she shouldn’t be that surprised. He did have a reputation after all. And it’s not like he was ever an academic idiot. She figured he’d always learned things quickly enough. And boy am I benefitting from it now…

He’d gotten on his knees behind her at some point, face eye level with all the action. His stare kept oscillating between his fingers, watching them disappear into her over and over again, and her face, as though sinking up all the events in his head as one, continuous reality that he now had the absolute privilege of living. “May I?”

May I what? “Yes.” Lily decided whatever he was asking didn’t matter. In that moment, she’d let him do anything.

A second later he leaned in and his face disappeared from view as he replaced his fingers with his tongue and moved his thumb’s attention to her clit. Lily yelped in pleasure, the unexpected switch nearly driving her to the edge already. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever had a man eat her out without her prompting him to (quite insistently… for months) and the shock alone was thrilling. It was so dumb, but as James licked her again and again and, so beautifully, rubbed her nub in tight, satisfying circles, she couldn’t help but feel like an idiot. In what world was Potter the one giving her head? In what world was he the guy who was going to make her come with his mouth when the so-called saviors of her world had laid on their backs and expected her to service them as a reward for all the ‘hard work’ they did on the daily of treating her as an equal? 

Sure, James had been an ass, but had he ever treated her as an inferior? Had he ever made her feel worthless? Or had he just been a standard, teenage idiot? 

Had Lily really been missing out? Had she really shot herself in the foot purely out of spite by misjudging him? Was she insane for altering her whole life view around the act of cunnilingus? 

Fuck. She was thinking again. 

His tongue made a broad, firm lick against her clit before flicking her back and forth and Lily wanted to scream, settling for balling his sheets in her fists instead. “James…” she sighed with a suppressed moan, eyes screwed tightly shut. He was far too good at this too.

He lapped at her more incessantly and Lily couldn’t believe she could feel that his lips had formed a smile. “You like that?” he teased.

Yes. No need to be so smug about it.

Lily reached behind her and pulled on James’ wrist, tugging him up so that he was forced to return to his feet. The way he wiped his moist lips on the back of his hand, reminding her of her own arousal for him, was lethal. “Yes?” he asked, chest heaving in and out exaggeratedly as he stared into her very soul. She had to look so pathetic, face smushed into the mattress, cheeks flushed whilst on the verge of breaking for him, but you wouldn’t be able to tell from how he was looking at her.

“Fuck me. Now. Please.”

“Roger that.”

She could only watch the first few seconds after he lined himself up behind her, because as soon as he started pushing in, his cock feeling so fucking good and so right inside of her, she had to turn back into the sheets, muffling her whimpered whine as she hit her left fist into the mattress beside her face. It wasn’t fair. Someone so hot shouldn’t have a cock so perfect. James Potter should not have the perfect face, and the perfect body, and then also the perfect boyfriend dick that was exactly large enough to fill her up so generously and make her feel every damn inch of him as he thrust himself into her from behind — making her so unfairly aware of just how deep her body could stretch when she was hot and bothered for him — but not too large that she felt like crying at the thought of taking him like this forever. She wanted to get fucked like this forever. She wanted to have his cock in her cunt, in her mouth, wherever else he wanted to shove it, in perpetuity.

“Does that feel good?” he gasped behind her, his right hand migrating from her hip up her body until it found her chest, his grip possessively digging into her breast. How were they fucking already but he hadn’t even properly worshiped her tits yet? How was it that a few hours ago she was celebrating the innocent placement of his hand upon her back, and now she was pondering just why he hadn’t yet mapped out every centimeter of her body with his tongue?

“Yes,” she bit out. “Harder.”

James groaned as he obeyed her command, his hips snapping back and forth at a brutal pace. His free hand applied light pressure against her lower spine so that her body stayed in place, just where he wanted it. The move kept her from jostling too much up and down the bed, allowing her cunt to fill to the hilt with him with every punishing thrust. “Like this?”

“Harder.” She wanted him to hit her so deeply that it finally shattered her. 

For some reason, the muffled curses he breathed into her shoulder as he bent completely over her, doing everything within his power to grant her request — his hips never stopping even though it seemed as though his brain was frying — was the thing that was curling her toes and making her eyes start to roll up. His balls were hitting against her clit, and Lily had never wished more vehemently that she could see the action herself.

“Fuck, Lily, fuck—“ he got out in choppy bursts before his teeth finally sunk into her skin. It turned out she wasn’t alone in her need to bite the shit out of anything she wanted to either fuck or squeeze to death. His right hand left her tit and instead migrated to the mattress so he could interlock fingers with her, pushing her palm down.  

“Just like that… just like that,” she babbled incoherently, feeling herself so fucking close to the edge that she could taste it. Which is why she fully screamed when he pulled out of her and rolled her over onto her back. “Potter, what the fuck—!”

“Your turn,” he said simply as he collapsed onto the mattress next to her and pulled her on top of him. In any other context, she would hate just how much he was throwing her body around like he owned it. In this particular instance, she wished he’d never stop. “I wanna see your face when you come.”

“Fuck you,” she grumbled as she swung her leg over him, realizing that if she wanted something done right, she really would have to do it herself. She was ready to ride one out on him, hot and heavy and fast, but just as she sunk down on his cock, James sat up, his hands clutching onto the back of her shoulders. She felt oddly cocooned in this embrace, safe and warm and… held? What the fuck is he doing? It was impossible not to watch his face in this position, impossible not to see every emotion that played out in his eyes as he looked lovingly from her lips to her lashes before he tangled a hand in her hair and kissed her, deeply. 

Lily gasped and pulled back when the intensity of their snog became too much, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt her cunt flutter around him. He’s been edging you so hard, she told herself. She told herself. She told herself. 

He lazily rocked her on his lap, giving Lily far less friction than she needed as he tucked some loose hair behind her ear. “I bet you regret not giving me a chance in school now, huh?” he whispered arrogantly. 

Excuse me? First of all, fuck you. But Lily realized she didn’t need a second of all, because she simply just could. With more than a bit of anger, she ignored his words and instead pushed James’ torso down onto the mattress, hard, so that she could shag him with renewed vigor, ridding his stupid face from her sight in the hopes of coming with impunity. She ignored his knowing chuckles even as she appreciated the way his fingers came between them to rub her clit for her. 

She imagined him in the kitchen telling her to put him to use. She pictured him on his knees behind her willing to do whatever it took to please her. And yeah, fine, she envisioned the look on his face when he had realized back in school that she was not someone he could mess with — and then she came harder than she’d ever come in her life, her head thrown back and her nails digging deeply into his pecs.

She didn’t realize tears had welled in her eyes from the pleasure until James had flipped them back around and she could feel them trailing down her cheeks. 

“Do you mind if I come?” His hips were moving agonizingly slow, as though he was hedging his bets until he got a proper answer out of her.

“What?” Lily asked, not really understanding what was going on anymore.

“Can I come, please?” James repeated, the pleading tone of his voice knocking some sense into her. They were forehead to forehead, and Lily felt like he’d just shagged her so well that she needed to be that close to his desperation for it to actually register. 

“Sure,” Lily allowed, bonelessly melding into the mattress as James fucked her with everything he had, his thrusts solid and rough as he sought his own end. The bed groaned as he pounded away into her, her thighs widening to accommodate his brutal onslaught while her hands finally sunk into his hair.

He moaned, either from the way her cunt was squeezing him or from the way her nails scratched his scalp. “Lily…” His voice was pure even as his body destroyed her. 

“Fuck, James,” Lily whimpered. “Come. Come for me, please.” She wanted to watch him. She wanted to see him come undone.

“Thank you,” he breathed, his hand traveling up to clutch at her chin and hold her in place so he could kiss her as he spilled himself into her. His lips glided over hers, demanding yet soft, sweet yet sinful, and Lily felt powerless to their pull.

She fought to breathe when he finally let go, somehow overwhelmed and simultaneously left wanting as she realized their session had come to its inevitable conclusion. “You’re welcome,” she tried saying with a laugh. She wasn’t sure if it worked, but she knew her attempt at least helped to quell the weird butterflies he’d coaxed from her belly. His face was still hovering right above hers, so how the hell was she supposed to feel? She knew it was human nature to bond after sex. She also knew that it was in her best interest to deny this instinct. “You’re awfully polite when you shag.”

He chuckled as he began trailing kisses down her face, past her chin, and over her clavicle, and Lily secretly rejoiced that she hadn’t ruined the moment. She would love to experience the feel of having her tit being sucked on by his expert lips, and he was getting so awfully close, but perhaps she was being greedy. She had, after all, just come from a one night stand — and magnificently at that. She’d practically already hit the jackpot. 

“Is that a bad thing?” he murmured, his lips lingering just beneath her collarbone, and Lily felt a horrid tug a little lower under her left breast. 

“No,” she admitted, far more openly than she was used to as she forced a swallow. “It’s just not what I expected.”

He grinned, and the tug disappeared only to be replaced with a new one. A stronger one. ”You had expectations?” His body was crushing hers, and yet she couldn’t find it within herself to shove him off. 

“Well yeah. Sure. It’s hard not to think about when a boy invites me to his room.”

“Oh.” Was she imagining things, or did she just watch his whole body deflate in real time? Why was Lily suddenly struck by the strange notion that they were having two completely different conversations? 

Her awkward shifting prompted him to pull himself back and out of her. “Lemme get you a tissue.” James reached for his nightstand, grabbing one and turning back to her like he had every intention of cleaning her up himself. 

What the fuck? “I got it, thanks,” she cut him off, snatching the tissue and wiping away the trail of him she could feel leaking out of her. Sure, there was probably no sexy way to clean up post-coitus, but there was definitely a way where she could at least hold on to the last dredges of her propriety.

She’d choose that way. Every single time. 

“I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick,” she announced, hopping to her feet and making a dash for the door. At this point, she wasn’t even sure if she was acting strangely or if he was. She was pretty sure it was the latter. Well, it was him first, and then she was simply reacting accordingly. 

Lily sighed. Whatever it was, it truly didn’t matter, because they’d both gotten what they’d come for, hallelujah, and now Lily could be on her merry way and James could catch the very tail end of his best friend’s celebration of love without feeling like a single loser. Lily peed, put on her old clothes, splashed some water on her face, and was ready to go.

“Thank you for a lovely time, Potter,” she said cordially as she exited the bathroom, ready to pick up her bag and bounce.

“Oh… You’re leaving?”

Lily felt her neck physically crick as she looked up to find him sitting on the edge of his bed in his trunks, his elbows resting on his knees. Why was everything he was doing tonight surprising her? Why? She’d half expected him to already be gone. Leaving would have been a foolproof way to avoid any further awkwardness. What the fuck was off with her? She usually trusted her intuition so much. She was used to being right. “Yeah…” she began. “I have a shift in the morning. Turns out people like to schedule all their parties on the weekends.”

“Course.”

She hated the sudden tension in the room. But worse? She hated how hurt he looked. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times before he finally asked, “Can I owl you?”

Lily tucked a lock of her wild sex hair behind her ear, doing everything in her power to not remember all the ways he’d just disheveled it. Was this not a one-time thing? A ‘Hey, I had a crush on you in school but we were both idiots back then so it was nice to finally see what it could have been like?’ or a ‘I was really frustrated with my life, and you sort of represent everything bad in it (sorry about that), so this was a great way to work some of that tension out of my system’? Lily paused. She supposed it sounded a bit messed up when she phrased it to herself like that. 

“You don’t have to,” she eventually answered, wanting to let him know he really didn’t have to do the whole fake-chivalry act for her. She guessed it was sort of like what he’d said downstairs in the kitchen when she’d given him her customer service spiel: this was her. They knew each other. So why pretend like this night hadn’t been exactly what it was? She was fine knowing they’d merely shared a night of passion or whatever, and they could just leave it at that. He didn’t have to owl her the next day to absolve her conscience or anything. 

James stood up, looking her dead in the eye. A pulse of longing shot down Lily’s core like a lightning bolt. It was the first time all night he’d looked even partially ticked off. “I want to.”

Lily felt oddly nervous. She’d just fucked this man. He’d just come inside of her and she’d needed to clean the mess they’d made together from off of her thighs, so why was this the behavior that her body was deeming to be ‘too much’? She wanted to ask, ‘What do you want from me?’ but the declaration seemed far too melodramatic to utter out loud. At the same time… it was all she could think of. What was he doing? He’d gotten what he wanted… didn’t he know playtime was now over?

“Sure.” She swallowed thickly. “You can do whatever you like.”

He didn’t stop approaching her until he was standing directly in front of her, forcing her to look up at him. “Good. I will.”

She felt more exposed now than when her actual arse had been in his face. She could barely breathe as her eyes tracked the slight upturn of his lips as they slanted into a grin before getting lost in the golden specks of his irises. Why did it suddenly look like he’d won something? And why did it feel like what he’d won was a prize they both secretly wanted?

What had she done? 

“Okay.”

His smirk turned lethal. “See you, Evans.”

Lily backed away slowly, not knowing whether it was better to keep an eye on him, or to turn her back as quickly as possible to break whatever unnatural hold he had on her psyche. All she knew was that a few seconds later she had her spine pressed against the outside of his door and was wondering what the hell had just happened. 

Fuck.

[anemoiashifts]

permashifting & sv!c!dal ideation & early shiftok.

im so fucking scared to post this. tw.

ive been in the shifting community for four/five years now & most of my time was watching quietly from the sidelines up until last july when i made my shiftok account. i want to preface this by saying these are my experiences & observations & ive always been pretty firm on my stance. ive spoke about this (i think) twice on tiktok & will now give some updated insight. i don’t expect everything to agree with me but please don’t jump down my throat for saying what im going to. i respect you, please respect me. cool? yes? okay !!

there are similarities between sv!c!dal ideation & permashifting & im so so sick of people hardly taking about it. what re-sparked this interest in the topic was i saw someone make a video on their views towards the topic & i do resonate with their points heavily. this was the only video ive ever seen of anyone making a video like this minus myself & it’s been long overdue.

to clarify, im not against permashifting completely im against how permashifting is spoken about & how it’s promoted. it’s wayyy too casual & ive seen a lot of triggering things in my comment sections / confession submissions. i used to get about five of these or so (ppl saying they wanted to unalive themselves) a week when i was actively doing them but they’ve since kinda died down. if, me, an account with (at the time) ~15,000 tiktok followers were seeing this, i cannot imagine the kind of messages those 100,000 followers shiftokers were getting.

another thing that i haven’t spoke about too much is the sv!c!de notes id receive. i got about two or three of them. ignoring the overstepping of boundaries & oversharing, my heart goes out to those who submitted those. i think shifting came at a time when everyone was bored & cooped up inside & shiftokers could’ve unknowingly preyed upon people’s loneliness & vulnerability. i remember people could say things like “im k!11!ng myself tonight so I’ll wake up in my dr” & the fact that was even a thing is so beyond horrific. im gonna put some confessions ive gotten in the past just to show you what i was seeing daily at one point. scroll a ways down if you don’t want to to see. sorry ! idk how to blur it but would if i found out how to.

i wanta take a sec to call out all the adult shifters who neglected to speak about this.

i hear people say “but if they didn’t discover shifting they wouldn’t still be here” or “it buys people more time”. i get it. really, i do & i don’t think that’s a bad thing. what i do think the bad thing really is, is the adult shifting creators who enable the kind of talk & push that shifting is this other option without telling people to take care of themselves in this reality. the mental well-being & safety of people should always be put first, especially with spaces involving a lot of children when most of the information comes from the mouths of adults. shifting was popularized by tiktok at the height of c0v!d & everyone was arguably at their lowest. i think the timing in which shifting was introduced helped shiftok get popular at the time (along with harry potter trending, of course) & a lot of ppl saw it as a trend to latch onto & leech off of to grow a platform. i think some people totally — probably unintentionally — took advantage of peoples desperation for an escape for profit. that’s what I’ve felt with some former / earlier shifting creators, anyways. that’s why shiftokers are seen as these figures that were/are looked up to so heavily because they’ve gotten something that people with destructive situations are so desperate for & i think that’s really diabolical & sad.

this post isn’t to shit on shiftokers completely, not the modern shiftokers anyway. i have some really cool mutuals who genuinely post insightful content. i think tiktok has gotten a little better with some bumps every now & then but it’s not as bad as 2020.

i don’t think shiftokers are doing this intentionally. & who knows ? maybe they’re are afraid their audience will get upset or off put or they’ll lose support but the longer we put the conversation off the more people’s mental health will worsen. whatever the reason may be, keeping numbers up or getting “canceled” isn’t worth it at the risk of lives of children. it’s long overdue.

then the idea of escapism comes in. escapism isn’t bad. arguably, most things we do are escapism; reading, scrolling on tumblr. its how we look & obsess & look at that escapism. that’s when it becomes unhealthy. the consept of shifting as an escape from something like depression can exacerbate those feelings of because people do struggle to actually shift. that state of “waiting” to shift can be extremely difficult if you’re not struggling mentally, so if you’re struggling mentally on top of trying to shift without success? also throwing being a minor onto that.

anyways this post was all over the place because i could talk about this for hours. i have no idea if this will ever have a place on tiktok or if I’ll even end up posting this to tumblr. this was very ramble-y but a very important ramble imo. i tried to organize & keep this short to the best of my ability. feel free to agree, disagree but these are my poorly organized thoughts.

a little reminder to enjoy the journey & process of shifting rather then hyper focusing on “the end” of it. take a break if you find you self only thinking about shifting and not doing stuff you gotta do here or if your making yourself sick over it. it isn’t the end of the world if you don’t shift. i believe everyone is here for a reason & i can promise you everything will work out in the end.

to those who resonate with mental health struggles & shifting, my heart goes out to you & only with you the best. be gentle with yourself — that goes for all of you.

[nerves-nebula]

Knowing that he has memory problems does neglected Raph struggle to trust his own judgment?

Like not even just for things gaps in memories makes sense to hinder. I’m talking even when he knows stuff or when memory doesn’t factor in at all, he knows he can’t trust his mind on some things so he struggles to trust it at all

If so, does he ever recover from all that?

(Side note: it’d be super interesting to see them face a villain like Mother May-Eye from Teen Titans 2003)

here's the thing about raph, Raph doesn't trust ppl other than his brothers, april, and casey, so he wouldn't let someone else fact check him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't doubt his own memories. especially since Donnie has rambled at length about how fallible memories are.

There more than a few times where Raph has a memory of something, but Splinter kind of tweaks it or implies it was just ever so slightly different in away that changes things. and if Raph is like "wait that's not what happened" Splinter would imply he doesn't know what he's talking about. never calling him crazy outright, just saying he's remembering it wrong. but isn't it kind of weird that, for some reason, Raph's memory is always "wrong" in a way that benefits Splinter? (Mom Reference)

so anyway, Raph doesn't like being told he remembered something wrong cuz of that, so that's why he only lets his close friends check him and might get aggro if someone he doesn't know well casually implies he's remembering something wrong. (this includes stuff as small as someone saying "i think you remembered this wrong" or "that's not what I remember" even just really small stuff like that can trigger him)

But his defensiveness is just because he does genuinely worry that since he forgets things so much, there's a chance the solid memories he DOES have aren't real. and if that's true then like what is he even doing, right? like how can he be a person in a meaningful way if the things his internal experiences and emotions are based on aren't real? That's what he thinks, at least.

i watched the mother may-eye episode to answer this ask so im gonna address that under the cut now:

I forgot how good the teen titans theme song is. also i forgot about the hive five they're are so fucking cool i wish i was every character in this show wtf. also why that guy sexually harass starfire. kinda like that starfire appears to swear all the damn time but since it's alien swears no one cares.

and the DAY is SAVED by the power of THATS NOT HOW CONCUSSIONS WORKS <3 my favorite storytelling technique tbh. just hit 'em on the head i'm sure it'll work out fine.

SLUR in early 2000's children media: OBSERVED.

really fucked up that they gave it to the Hive Five not knowing if they were gonna escape or get baked or anything. that's. wild.

there's something about a villain who forcibly makes you regress to a childlike state in order to manipulate you that is so fucking uncomfortable, oh my god. especially when they use, like, overly cutesy language. if i did something like that to the neglected gang it would be really gross. so i might do that later then, idk.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

no but like here's the thing draculaura came out to lagoona, lagoona gushed about star-crossed lovers between a with and a monster, lagoona and draculaura did this while having a specific spot they always hide

draculaura id'd with lagoona's story and was told she would find a light on your horoscare while lagoona was going to find her true love via music (draculaura wrote a song for her friends prior)

DRACGOONA AND CLANKIE REAL

ur under selling it, mon fiend

these two ghouls are CLOSE ok

i remember watching Over Bro-Tective and being like, well first of all

wow

(finger boo-oop for the win!!!!)

it's a gag bc they can't risk waking the baby leviathan so they can't actually clap or high five but why did this have to be so cute

that's not the thing though this is The Thing

clawdeen and clawd are having sibling trouble, which is awkward for the creepoever party

(also love frankie's trans pride boxer shorts shoutout for style)

so drac suggest "partner hide and shriek" and gets insta dibbed by lagoona, which makes her giggle

and drac lays down the rule NO UNDERWATER LAIRS they're too wet lagoona no soggy vampires pls

so APPARENTLY lagoona and drac team up enough for there to be this running gag of lagoona getting them to hide in the pipes. And for drac to be like Not This Time Okay We're Not Hiding In The Pipes This Time Lagoona I'm Begging You Listen Water Is Wet And Wet Is Ugh

this happens so often the other teens are sure, absolutely certain, that Lagoona WOULD get Drac to hide in the pipes anyway. Again.

(bc apparently drac can't say no to that razor sharp smile i guess)

"Let's check the pipes! I'm sure Lagoona convinced Drac to hide in the U-bend, for the hundredth time."

-my man Duce, laying shade on these idiots.

and that's exactly where they find them

(THEY LOOK LIKE THEIR IN THE MIDDLE OF A WASH CYCLE SKSKSKSK)

stuffed in the pipes, drac in a snorkling mask, splatting onto the floor and repeating, tiredly, NEVER AGAIN

(Next Time There Will Be NO PIPES LAGOONA) (suuure)

i was so happy and giggly to see that. so happy the show didn't forget what these two WENT THROUGH together, in Witch Hitch

they didn't forget drac has a running losing streak when it comes to resisting lagoona's smile and lagoona's enthusiasm and lagoona wanting to do things together with her

you know what let's revisit that too!

Witch Hitch

draculaura tells lagoona she's a witch right after lagoona admits she's being blackmailed by toralai, and WHILE the blackmailing was still going on

draculaura looked at this face-

and told her, hey so, toralai's not lying. im a witch.

lagoona didn't even ask her about it

drac said "i know exactly how you feel", lagoona just Looks At Her Like That and drac decided, yep, i actually feel ready to tell my dangerous secret right here right now to this person specifically

she trusted lagoona not to use this against her, despite the blackmail

or maybe she felt it was worth the risk??? getting to open up and connect with someone in a similar situation is worth the danger of it blowing up in her face?

and it WAS worth the risk, bc lagoona was 100% excited about drac's magic, totally delighted, called it incredible, asked if she could watch more

(love how ppl are worried about witch stuff until they learn that DRACULAURA'S the one doing it)

(feels real to me. if you know and trust a person, and then it turns out they're doing this thing, a thing you've got no personal experience with and only know you're supposed to hate bc someone told you so, makes sense you'd have more faith in the person you know and give them a free pas at it)

lagoona's SO into it she even asks to see more magic

which we know. we know drac is staved for getting to show her witch side. it's part of her she that makes her feel happy and good and like herself, not being able to open with it is, isolation

isolation for a vampire that gets her vamp energy via positive attention from others. ouch

so here's lagoona, lagoona who is being blackmailed to work against her, lagoona who is all bouncy and twirlly about drac's magic, lagoona with her own secret side she's not ready to share yet

and drac let's lagoona WATCH HER make the single-use, anti-secret-telling potion that she plans to use on toralai

toralai, the one who is still blackmailing lagoona

lagoona, who's secret (that the fiercest monster in school still cuddles with her childhood fish squishy) while very personal and potentially embarrassing, is NOT actually might-get-expelled-or-banished levels of dangerous if it gets revealed

unlike drac's

(first time watching this i got nervous for a moment bc in several other shows i've seen, a set up like this would mean lagoona gets pressured into revealing the potion to toralai too and blah blah blah, angst betrayal misunderstanding eventual forgives etc. Buuuut in monster high....)

the risks involved are different, but Draculaura knows what having the secret FEELS like

the secret's not the important part for her and lagoona, losing control over WHEN it gets told is the painful scary part!

So when lagoona panics thinking the potion won't be able to protect draculaura, when she tries stopping toralai, when toralai gets pissed and is about to make good on the blackmail against lagoona-

drac uses the one safe use of the potion, to protect lagoon's secret instead

not hers

she chooses to be outed to the whole school so lagoona won't be

LAGOONA LEGIT TELLS HER AFTERWARDS

"Oh thank you, thank you! You're like a princess that saved the damsel in distress!"

and when toralai tells the school and runs to drac/frankie/clawdeen's dorm to proove all the witchery,

(side note i love that when using the potion twice comes up dracs like No I'm Not Willing To Risk Permanently Hurting Someone Just To Keep My Secret Safe- this is why everyone trusts her to be a witch ok, they know she WOULD NEVER use it that way)

when drac is panicking, bracing herself for impact- LAGOONA BREAKS HER OWN RECORD SWIMING THROUGH THE PIPES TO GET THEIR FIRST AND HIDE ALL THE MAGIC STUFF

my heart! i can't take it!!!

she puts it all in her own room, in the tank, in plain view of anyone who might be passing by and stick their head in like drac did earlier and get the wrong idea about who's doing magic

but she can't stand by and let the witch secret get pulled out and proved true like this. she knows what the secret feels like too!

these two take such risks to protect each other's chance to choose im crying ok

Draculaura: "Lagoona- I, am eternally grateful!"

Frankie: "Eternally? And you're immortal! Oh zap, that's a looot of grateful."

Lagoona: "I'm the one who's grateful! Thanks for keeping my secret safe."

IM CRYING, OKAY!?!??

like to hell with shipping! You don't come out of sharing something like this without a forging a bond that's special and deep and just for the two of you!

the writers didn't pass over that. they didn't forget it

i could kiss them for it

(remember when lagoona made a script based on her own lonely childhood then threw it out and replaced it with one where she gets friends but is worried about chomping them and drac vibed so hard with her character she begged to play lead role)

(drac the vampire who went vegan and doesn't bite or drink blood even though she COULD and still has the instinct to as seen in Creature Clash hey hey the parallels are getting to me)

(let lagoona have her freshwater boyfriend and daydream about being rescued by princesses her hair is the dang PAN PRIDE FLAG)

in conclusion

if lagoona wants to partner up for hide and shriek again and hide in the horrible wet water pipes again, we know drac's gonna end up going along with it.

AGAIN

for the hundredth-and-whatever time

romantically or not, i think she kinda loves lagoona a lot. same as how lagoona loves her

and u know what? same

[convenientalias]

Please Watch Circle: Two Worlds Connected (Another Manifesto)

After convincing some ppl to watch White Christmas, I am filled with hubris and thus have returned to try to convince y'all to watch another kdrama thriller. This times it's Circle: Two Worlds Connected (2017). It's sci-fi, it's whumpy, it's got a dual timeline going on, and it's got a great cast. It's also one of the first kdramas I ever watched--I started it back in 2017, lost access to the site I was streaming it from, and 3 years later, when I became actually competent at finding kdramas, I remembered to go find it again! I've now watched it... four times? five times? anyway it's a good show so let's dive in.

The Premise

Every episode of Circle has two parts to it.

The first part: In 2017, a college student named Kim Woo-jin is having family problems. His paranoid twin brother is convinced aliens exist and are killing ppl. Woo-jin met an alien once when he was a kid, but he's been repressing this and ignoring the implications ever since bc of related trauma. Then Woo-jin's twin goes missing, and Woo-jin goes haywire trying to track him down.

The second part: In 2037, society has become a little dystopian, particularly in a closed-off island city called "Smart Earth". "Smart Earth" is supposed to be a place without crime, but when a murder takes place, Detective Kim Joon-hyuk, an outsider, worms his way in to investigate. Secretly he's more interested in investigating Smart Earth itself... and trying to find his long lost brother.

HM I WONDER IF THERE'S A REASON THESE CHARACTERS BOTH HAVE KIM AS A SURNAME. PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE I WOULDNT KNOW. IM SURE THESE TWO MYSTERIES HAVE NO RELATION TO EACH OTHER AT ALL.

The Characters

Kim Woo-jin:

Yes that is Yeo Jin-goo (I feel like most of my followers have watched Beyond Evil, but if you haven't, maybe you know him from Hotel del Luna or The Crowned Clown, idk, he's great). And yes, he is incredibly stressed and will be for pretty much the entire show.

I feel like the main selling point of the first half of this show, apart from the mystery itself, really is just "do you want to see Yeo Jin-goo be so, so tired and act in progressively more insane and risky ways over the course of twelve episodes".

He is a very good brother. He also is in a dynamic duo with a girl who may or may not be an alien. More on that below.

Kim Bum-gyun

He's paranoid and he's not always the best brother. But he's trying to be better and also. He may be (at least partly) right.

Han Jung-yeon

"Hey look at me I'm a normal college student and definitely not an alien. Despite the fact that I do kind of look identical to that alien you met like fifteen years ago."

"Regardless that was not me bc I am normal. Let's become a detective duo!"

Kim Joon-hyuk

Played by Kim Kang-woo! I feel like he's a bit less known than Yeo Jin-goo but I still love him. Very versatile actor. In this he's being your typical unruly cop but with Many Secrets. Going into much more detail than that would unfortunately give spoilers but I like seeing him piss Lee Ho-soo off.

Lee Ho-soo

Nicknamed "Pierrot" by Kim Joon-hyuk for the way he's ~always smiling~, Lee Ho-soo is Smart Earth's ideal peacekeeping employee. He thoroughly believes in their dystopian mood regulating technology and closed off society and no, he does not want to learn any deep dark secrets, thank you very much!!! Leave him alone!!!! (Yeah, he's going to go through all kinds of emotional breakdowns lols.) My favorite character on my first watch-through; later I began to stan Woo-jin more but it's a close thing.

So, so, so...

Is It Shippy?

Honestly, kind of depends on what you're looking for. The most obvious ships would be Kim Woo-jin/Han Jung-yeon, a ship that is very teased but never becomes canon, and Lee Ho-soo/Kim Joon-hyuk, a classic bickering-but-gradually-coming-to-understand-each-other type of duo. There are other shippy routes you could take... my friend for example ships two of Woo-jin's professors. I personally think certain reveals could lend themself to a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] shipping dynamic, which is all too rare, but since I redacted that part you will never know what I mean by that.

Is there shippy fanfic out there? NO BECAUSE THERE ARE A TOTAL OF FOUR FANFICS FOR THIS SHOW ON AO3 AND I CANT FIND ANY ELSEWHERE EITHER. yes three of those are shippy. YES I WANT MORE PLEASE.

More General Thoughts

Circle is a little melodramatic and messy, but it is also very clever. Even after the basic worldbuilding becomes clear, you probably won't be able to guess all the answers to the mysteries until mm. Episode eleven of twelve? I mean I'm sure there are people out there much better at guessing than me but. I didn't.

I also think it's more fun to watch this show (at least the first time) with a bunch of different theories in your mind as to what happened during the time skip. I had at least three running concurrently. No, none of them were correct. I never said I was good at guessing I only said I had fun.

Not EVERY loose thread gets tied up by the end. But things do get mostly resolved. And there's a lot of angst and suspense along the way!

Here are a few more pictures to convey the vibe:

I can also offer you a minimal number (two) of goofy gifsets.

Closing thoughts:

If you've watched Circle, pls come talk to me sometime. If you haven't watched Circle, I recommend giving it a try! I can tell you that anecdotally ppl who I've forced to watch White Christmas and Circle both like Circle better (except me, I like White Christmas better but also I am to be fair obsessed with both).

And for now, I have successfully exorcised my Circle feels for the day. Probably. I hope. (I may be back.)

[simpingandshitposting]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Two ppl actually tagged me in this so thank you @malewifetouya and @happyely 🖤🖤🖤

Sadly some of my most favorite projects are ones that are still sitting in my drafts unfinished 😭 but out of all the ones I've posted these are the ones I'm most proud of <3

"Come Home" — Deku:

I don't even know if this would be considered a fic?? Cuz honestly this was such a short little thing that I wrote in under like 15 minutes 😭 probably the shortest amount of time it's taken me to ever write literally anything. But it was after I watched S6 E136 and literally that night I had a dream where this whole scene was played out in my head. And it just felt so dramatic in the right ways and just raw emotion that I had to write it down. And it's STILL my most liked post on this entire blog😭 but honestly understandable bc sometimes I go back and read it and I'm just like "damn wait I wrote that????" lmfaoo

"Only for you, Toshi" — Shinsou:

Completely opposite from the last one, this is actually the longest thing I've ever written. (that's posted anyway, there's a few longer still in my drafts) I just feel like Shinsou doesn't get enough love but he definitely deserves it😭❤️ all my friends that read it said they really enjoyed it and I'm just really happy with how it came out after working on it for a couple weeks, and that not touching it for a few months and then coming back to it only to finish it in like 2 days lmao

"Attention" — Dabi:

Now this wouldn't be a post about my fics if I didn't include something for my absolute favorite character in the entire show🖤 this fic was very self indulgent bc I'm such a brat🤭 and I'm convinced that Dabi is the king of brat taming. Fun fact, the outfit I described is something I literally own in my closet 😂

"Secrets" — BakuDeku x reader [UNFINISHED]:

This is a multi-part series I'm co-writing with my bsf @haru-x-ren on a joint account we made. (@bunny-x-haru if you'd like to follow) it's currently still a work in progress with only a few parts released, but it is a continuation of a 2 part fic I wrote when I first started called "You're the Only Thing That Makes Sense" — Bakugo So I do recommend reading this one first before Secrets for context and background info. I feel like you can really see my growth in writing from then to now, cuz that was like literally the second thing I ever posted lol. And Haru was literally my biggest fan bc he's the one that got me into writing fanfic<3 so after he read it, he had this absolutely BRILLIANT idea (spoiler) to take the scene I wrote where bakugo and deku were caught fighting after school hours (similar to that scene from season....2? When Bakugo learned about OFA) and turn it into a BakuDeku love triangle and I was honestly obsessed with the idea

And lastly

"For Your Eyes Only" — Dabi:

Another one for my fav<3 this one was for his birthday and is very nasty🤭 also with a little bit of fluff at the end bc I am indeed a hopeless romantic with no romance🥲 also, the cover photo is most definitely the reaction I was imagining when he walks into the room lmao

Side Note:

I know it's been a while since I've posted any writing and I am so sorry 😭 I guess I've just been in a little bit of a funk when it comes to my creativity lately. I mean I've got plenty, and I do mean PLENTY of ideas written down, but Im having a hard time executing them and turning them into something I can post. But I promise I'll get back to posting as soon as I can and I'm really sorry to everyone who has been waiting for stuff😭 I appreciate your patience❤️

Here's 5 other writers I recommend<3

@cathwritestragediesnotsins @aquadenks @kemakoshume @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic + any other writers who'd like to make ur own posts<3

[bobtheacorn]

tagged by @plothooksinc and @sroloc--elbisivni ! Finally have a chance to sit down at my desk - only to procrastinate! lmao TY for the opportunity!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

75! I have probably ten or so more that i never crossposted from ffdotnet, but they're all Old! Given that FF took a huge L and was apparently down for several days, I might find incentive to move them. but! unlikely 🤣

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

815,373!

Nicole Shut the Fuck Up Challenge: FAILED lmao

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively: I'm trying to write various stuff for risetmnt, usagi yojimbo, and digimon adventure/02.

Not actively, published:

Voltron: Legendary Defender (24) One Piece (Anime & Manga) (13) Luca (2021) (5) 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga) (3) Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02 (3) Digimon Adventure (2) Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater (2) 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Anime) (2) 幽☆遊☆白書 | YuYu Hakusho: Ghost Files (Anime & Manga) (2) The Hobbit - All Media Types (2) Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime) (1) Saiyuki (Anime & Manga) (1) Avatar: The Last Airbender (Cartoon 2005) (1) The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien (1) The Adventure Zone (Podcast) (1) The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom (1) Animaniacs (1) Zootopia (2016) (1) Gravity Falls (1)

Basically if I watch or read something and the brainworms get me for even a moment i will write at least one (1) fic for it! Even though I may not finish or even post it! 😆 Occasionally it becomes a whole mental illness (STILL cannot believe i pumped out 24 goddamn fics for voltron. What a time to be alive LMAO)

4. Top five fics by kudos?

the hard beat of her heart - 1,982!

WOW i didn't realize its had almost 2k now thats crazy af. My Bakugo and his Mom fic is THE banger!

so low you can hear - 1,866!

another holy fuck moment, this one is pretty surprising bc its a much older lunami fic but i saw a huge influx after OPLA so 🤣

tired and emotional - 1,466

my drunk teenagers vld fic had big hits, such as Pidge 'scrambling like a racoon' and two idiots (klance) eating eachothers faces under a public table and then fist-fighting their feelings! Not shocked that its up there bc it was super fun to write

i go there with you - 1,351

this started as mindlessly filling Wumptober prompts and escalated almost immediately into Whatever The Hell It Is Now and i love it dearly! hope i can finished it sometime...! 💀

maybe if it left a mark -1,295

ppl ate this one UP when i posted it and i still get pretty regular feedback for it so i'm not especially surprised that it's still hanging onto top 5 after all this time! its one of my favs too!

5. Do you respond to comments?

Not often 😭 Listen it takes all of my energy just to get the darn thing Written. I have a lot going on IRL, and i'm also horrible anxious about being Annoying 🧍‍♀️ so I just yeet things into the void 😅 told to be quiet to many times as I child w adhd and now I'm a traumatized adult who simultaneously doesn't know how to shut up but also catastrophises basic interactions. Rip

Anyway i DO read and cherish every single review/comment and they never fail to perk up my days!! obviously i reread them pretty regularly, and I love and appreciate yall!! 💜 sorry im awkward!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm more of a hurt/COMFORT girlie, so idk if any of my endings are SAD persay? Maybe a lil melancholy. maybe soul deep???

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

THIS is my cup of tea so it's: most of them 🤣 But significantly its my ooey gooey wedding finale for ANAFW

8. Do you get hate on fics?

got hate for a digimon fic i wrote abt Tai and Kari where someone was like 'this has so many red flags' and I was like Bro you don't show your siblings physical affection? Skill issue.

9. Do you write smut?

writing (and reading) smut is pretty new for me bc i'm on the sex-repulsed side of aro/ace but SOMETIMES !!!fictional!!! romance ETC compels me enough that i'm like Hm Lemme try that. I like to expand out of my comfort zones every now and then, so it's usually a turbulent but interesting exercise 🤣

MOST of the "spicy" stuff I write, I would consider pretty tame tbh? (or not very good 💀) I'm sorta vague on purpose, so if you come in expecting some delicious smut or something I am so sorry that that is not the part that interests me 💀💀

Someone who worked on Steven Universe said that Peridot's fixation on romance/shipping was "archeological" because she's aspec af and d'you know what I'm feelin it!

I love a dig site!

Makes no goddamn sense! Compells me tho.

10. Craziest crossover?

don't think i have a single one in my repertoire YET AS I TYPE THAT OUT i realize usagi yojimbo/tmnt is technically a cross-over! Even if it is a sort of canon one? not sure it counts asfkjhlklf I was gonna say that they don't usually interest me. Clown face emoji

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

if i have, no one has pointed it out!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! I get requests pretty often to translate my fics and i'm fine with that as long as they link back to the original! i'm also fine if they don't i guess lmao what am i, the police?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I write The Most self-indulgent crap 24/7 3/65 and i will not hand any of the reigns to someone else rip. Love to brainstorm with others tho That's what makes the brain go brrrrrrrrr

14. All time favourite ship?

ugh its KLANCE, tormented me for like 5+ years and changed my brain chemistry for the better. I'm cringe but im free!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

*stares in 300+ WIPS* maybe that super long bagginshield fic

OH and that anafw timetravel sequel where Lance got pulled into the past/an adjacent timeline and nearly died about it. literally. THAT baby was angsty! rip

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! And characterization!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Chain of Events....! I don't know her 😭😭😭😭 Someone please introduce us. Also having too many ideas for the way a scene could play out and being paralyzed by Which is the Best One.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Sparingly and with Purpose!

19. First fandom you wrote in?

I know in my heart it was self-insert Dragon Ball Z when I was in like, middle school

20. Favourite fic you've written?

gonna list a top 5 bc I can't pick ONE salfjasdlkf

coyote - idk i fuckin LOVE how this one came together, i go back and read it sometimes and im like damn.

small impressions on his heart - this one makes me SO SOFT @ alberto Get Cherished, Idiot

steam: - THE underrated op fic of mine, its my FAV and no one else agrees! Tragedy!

as tenacious as dandelion weeds - i loved writing feral inosuke and his dumb backwards attitude. idk i love a soft one!

salvagable - truly my comedic prowess peeked with EGG SAUCE AND BREADED nothing else will ever compare

.

Imma tag: @big-meows @goodlucktai and anybody else no pressure who also needs ten minutes of procrastination to yell abt their stuff 💜

[tojiscrack]

OKAYOKAY (you don’t have to post it btw if it’s too much i feel like im goning to rant😭)

the party doesn’t start till nine right? we spend the whole day out just hopping store to store (mind you we had the whole day to get costumes) we stop at like two spirit halloweens, five below, and like two walmarts and ofc the mall.

before we went to his house tho we went to the movies row at h terrifier 3 , the last time we hung out we didn’t get to watch it bc this fuck ass movie theater was like “you have to be 21 to take her inside 🧍‍♀️” so we came to a ghetto one so we can see it tg(that was my second time seeing it) okayokay we get to the house, we have two hours to spare so we nap (obviously) THEN WE SUDDENLY HAVE 10 MINUTES TILL THE PARTY? so we’re trying on our face paint and rushing (we just went as dead ppl) his friend gets there to the party and we’re just all chilling down stairs till more ppl get there fr, we had dominos and the roommate sister (we’ll call her Jessica Rabbit bc that was her costume) shows us all these jell-o shots and jello syringes she made. I got to have first pic bc i raised my hand fastest 😼 i got a blue on bc blue is awesome, from there everyone just starts talking a bit yk? the music gets going and we’re all mingling, there was a girl dressed as zoro (reminded me of my @zoropookie LMFAO but she was a dick, acted like those rude popular girls at school who try to be angsty but are just dicks about it) anyway Jessica Rabbit shows these cones she made and i took one not expected it to hit as hard as it did 😭 BUT I MADE A MISTAKE DOING THAT BC THREE HITS IN AND I FELT BLASTED? i finish the rest and start feeling groggy and just overwhelmed. Eventually we end up going inside and i was vibing with this one quiet girl (we were low key quite tg) we don’t know what to do with ourselves, we look around just kinda question things- “couch?” “couch is a good spot yeah” i swore the couch wasn’t as comfy before i got high, we agree it was the best place to sit, then my night kinda starts going south :/ there’s this guy dressed as chucky, he seemed to be on smth else? that or he was just anxious but anyway he sat next to me and was like “so how do yall know ___” i sat there like this 🧍‍♀️ BC I DIDNT KNOW WTF HE SAID?? so i told him “sorry im too high for this rn” and he left to land a caca in a porcelain bowl. I start feeling a little sick so i turn to the girl and said “hey i think k better go lay down” “no pls go lay down if you need to” “i might knock out tbh, it was really dope smoking with you tho” “i agree it was fun, i’ll see you later okay?” after that i walk up the stairs (as im walking i look for my cousin but he was busy playing beer pong) so i just go to the room, he comes up at some point to check on me and sends me a text saying to come down when i want, that he wants me to have fun.

THEN I PASS OUT? i just remember him coming into the room to complain abt how fucked up he got, after that he leaves again, then comes back like an hour later? and he finally goes to sleep but then i’m the one awake :( that’s when i realize i should’ve gone back down bc they started playing good music after i left, i just stayed in the room trying to go back to sleep.

SO it wasn’t all that nice? but i had a good time for the two hours i was actually there. This was nothing compared to the small party he had for his graduation tho.. still kinda upset i didn’t do more yk?

SORRY SORY THIS GOT SO LONG

woah 😨

[acreaturecalledgreed]

ppl who have read through it say that the august few: amygdala is as pretentious as it is stupid as it is vibrantly creative

and like yeah lol 

i havent read it yet but i could have told u this from listening to fennah talk for five minutes

this is the kind of guy who thinks that saying he takes no stance at all on the politics of his book means that its more intelligent than if he did

hes the sort of guy who i get the impression feels that having Strong Feelings About Anything means that you are wrong simply for having strong feelings (this is based on vibes from what hes said in vids etc; he has not to my knowledge outright said anything like this im not trying to slander anyone, this is just the impression he gives off)

but he is kind of a textbook example of why “kill your darlings” isnt bad advice, and why sometimes you need someone to say “idk man this doesnt read super great” 

watched a livestream with him and the guy stumbles reading through passages of his own book, not b/c hes a bad reader but b/c he Really likes using as many words as he can to say anything

anyway fennah is one of those internet creators who makes me cock my head in both admiration for that devotion and bravery in really putting his stuff out there and boldly and proudly embracing how weird it is

but also in a wince, because it really, really is frustrating how much thought he seems to put into literally everything except what it is he’s wanting to say or share with the world, and what seems to be a massive aversion to researching aspects of culture, nature, economy, environment, even parody (as he describes the book as a hyper-parody of the animal kingdom, which i can see and it does have this really over the top extremity to it that i think is fun! but needs to be handled better) 

he talks about how he likes his characters to not behave how they look like they Should behave- but then at the same time elaborates that he designs his gentler characters to outwardly show traits more in line with herbivores than carnivores, like his more intense and violent characters, which is both like, textbook visual queueing and also feeds into the whole “herbivore soft weak gentle carnivore big scary mean powerful” thing which is just. massively inaccurate

anyway the entirety of fennah’s works and their history absolutely fascinate me in this really detached way and i am rolling them over in my mind and inspecting them like a neat bug

i will read the book eventually and probably enjoy it if only b/c excessively wordy hyper detailed prose is genuinely fun for me to read, and i know its going to have me rolling my eyes A Lot